#I didn’t know what to write lmao

[rosaleelovesdilfs]

Copycat

MDNI, mentions of blood, knife play, female reader x cooper adams, smut, switch, unprotected pnv, one shot.

Your next door neighbor, Cooper Adams always caught your eye. Not that you’re “stalking” or anything, but you feel like you know him more than anyone… you’ve seen the late nights when he comes home, the fights, the divorce, even occasionally him masturbating to a picture. You’ve always wondered what the picture was…okay maybe you were stalking after all, but you had a strange feeling he didn’t mind? You’d exchange a few words and glances, but nothing more. That is until you found out the truth.

You always had the same routine everyday. Wake up, go to work, go on a walk, dinner, shower, sleep. One day after your shower you noticed you had left the back door unlocked, perhaps initially. Except it wasn’t JUST unlocked it was open.

“Hey sweetheart. Waiting for me?” A voice says behind you.

“Holy fuck! Jesus Cooper you scared me.” You were still wrapped in just a towel, which he very clearly made obvious.

“Don’t act surprised. I see you watching, teasing, wanting.” He steps closer, pinning you against the counter. “You don’t think I’ve noticed the stalking? Please sweetheart I basically invented that. Don’t act like you don’t know who I am, and I won’t act like I don’t know who you are.” He says looking down at you, that gleaming smile.

“What do you mean who I am…?”

“You’re not very organized. I mean come on? You’re my copycat, but no one, I mean NO one is better than me when it comes to butchering.” He raises his voice making it apparent that he will be the best and nothing less of that. You giggle at his words.

“You’re the first to know.” You smile, backing up to the counter and grabbing a knife, holding it to his throat. “Mr. Adams do you wanna do this the easy way or the hard way…”

He smiles at you, walking just enough in to it where it nicks him. “Come on, don’t act like you’re not into this. Stop acting like you don’t want my cock so deep in you it makes you forget every little thought. You want to be my slut. You want me to hold this knife to you as I fuck you senseless, right slut?”

You lower the knife at his words. You can’t deny anything he just said. He lowers his head to your neck, nipping at the skin. He lifts you up onto the counter, your towel pooling at the floor.

“Fuck you’re better in person than the picture on my phone…” He continues kissing at your neck, teasing your nipples with his thumb. Thats the fucking picture he looks at. Knowing he jerks off to you makes you so fucking wet for him.

“Cooper please-“ you need him. You’ve followed in his footsteps, you’ve felt like you’re apart of him, but now you want all of him.

He goes down, marking you so that you’ll remember. He takes the knife from you, running the cold blade over your skin. Fuck was this a new kink you just unlocked?

“Be a good girl and stay still.” He reaches your soaking pussy and presses his tongue against you. He keeps the knife running over your thighs while sucking on your clit. You grab his hair and tug slightly as you gasp. You try not to writhe, but fuck was he good. You moved against him, wanting more. As you moved you feel the knife dig into your thigh drawing a bit of blood.

“What the fuck did I say? Sit. Still.” He looks up and fuck is he serious. You sit still which makes your moans even louder. Almost pornographic like. He sets the knife down and takes two thick fingers to your entrance, pressing in just enough.

“Fuck Cooper ple-please.” You try to communicate more but it comes out as just pleading gibberish. He moans into you, letting you know he can tell you’re close.

“Come on baby, cum for me. Cum all over my fingers and tongue.” That’s all you needed to push you to your climax. You cum all over his tongue while he continues his ministrations. You’re breathless, but you take the knife. You giggle and hold the knife to Cooper.

“Take off your clothes Cooper.” He removes his shirt, folding it and putting it on the counter where he was just tongue deep in your pussy. Next he takes his belt off along with his jeans. You hold the knife to his chest, nicking him enough to draw blood. You lick the area you just cut while looking up at him. You have never seen him so in awe…other than when he was killing of course. He sucks in a sharp breath.

You reach his neck, kissing along his most sensitive areas. You finally reach his lips and kiss him like you’re starving. Like you want to be apart of him, all of him. He darts his tongue out, tasting you. You taste yourself on his tongue which turns you on more than anything.

“Boxers off. Now.” You command him. He does as you say and his cock springs free. You push him over towards the couch, knife still in hand. You straddle him once you’re on the couch, hovering your wet entrance over his cock.

“Fuck- be a good girl and take me. You know you want to.” He says panting. You lower yourself onto his cock, taking him slow to adjust to his size. Fuck did it hurt but feel so good…

You hold the knife to his neck as you start riding him, both moaning and panting. You run the cold blade over his chest, leaving marks.

“Good girl, taking all of me so well.” He says as he smacks your ass. Stinging so good. You take the blade back up to his neck, this time serious.

“Who’s a better killer Cooper? Say it.” You quicken the pace. Hes becoming sloppy and needy.

“I-I am.” He smiles as he thrusts hard into you, making you moan out. You nick a part of his neck, licking the blood with your tongue.

“Try again. Who’s the better killer?”

“Fuck! You-you are.” He thrusts fast, you both reaching your climax.

You cum all over his cock as he coats the inside of you with his cum. You put the knife to the side, kissing every where you marked.

“Well, I did learn from the best. I am the butchers copycat after all.”

@coopers-bunny @thebutchersbitch @amethystblackkchaos @hereforthehitsbaby @babygorewhore @d1lfyhorrors @strangererotica if I forgot anyone I’m so so sorry please remind me!

[tennessoui]

it’s like baby gorl there’s no way I, the author who wrote the fic you’re commenting on and who is the intended audience for this comment, am gonna agree with you 😿🙏 some things can just stay on your chest 🙏

[blank-house]

I wish I could draw. I would love to be able to make fanart of the characters and even my MCs!! But alas. I will settle for fanboying over others work and your amazing talents!!

Haha as someone who is extremely mediocre when it comes to drawing, I feel the same way anon 😭😭

Might I interest you in writing? I know it’s not exactly the same but what I can’t do on a canvas, I try to make up for on paper.

Paint a picture with words! Craft worlds on a document! We’ve done it so that means you can too :3

[clegfly]

“Of course you have an Other Brother,” he says, waving off her denial as he opens some nearby cabinets. “Who else would I be if I wasn’t?”

Small WIP sketch of the Other Brother from IDKSomethingClever99’s fic “Mari in the Pink Palace”!!! OMORI and Coraline are my two biggest interests ever so this fic was like winning the lottery for me. Not to mention how good it is… please go read it ragh

[decaflondonfog]

at andrew and neil’s wedding reception, nicky pulls out his phone and plays a compilation of voice notes from their years together at PSU, in which both andrew and neil repeatedly say stuff along the lines of “it’s nothing,” “we’re just friends,” “i don’t give a fuck about him” and “it’s not like that”

nicky is not the best man. he has to be dragged away from the top table before andrew punches him and neil just laughs the entire time. the recording is seven minutes long

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Fallen Thorns

dark urban fantasy coming-of-age

follows a boy settling into university, when after a date (that he didn’t even want to go on) turns bad he’s made into a vampire

as he settles into his new existence and the local vampire community - while they try to find who’s been leaving bodies across the city - he discovers that there’s something different and darker within him

aroace neurodivergent MC

[emblazons]

"I think it would be easier if we were a team."

Day Five of @bylerweek2023 - Secret Identities aka - the Modern!Byler + DnD AU no one asked for

The details for their character sheets came from here + here, though only Mike's is confirmed secondary media. The details + story behind these versions of byler under the cut!

The Secret

The Cleric (Will) & The Paladin (Mike) have been playing digital campaigns together for nearly five years now, after Mike‘s then-newfound investment in Critical Role inspired him to hunt for an online DnD game to play for himself.

Inseparable on the pixelated battlefield, their half a decade of campaigning together has slowly turned them into the best of (digital) friends, as they’ve shared their deepest secrets in the anonymous-but-meaningful way you can only online. From Will admitting that his main concern even outside being ridiculed for his sexuality is healing from childhood PTSD to Mike admitting that his picture-perfect family hates his interests and would never accept that he likes guys, both of them have learned to defer to each other in and out of campaigns—they have grown deeply fond of each other through their characters’ adventures…and chats that mean more to both of them than they would dare admit aloud.

Even so, all the Cleric and the Paladin really know about each other on a practical level is that they’re both 20 this year, are both in college now, and that they both come from the Midwest—though they do hope to meet one day if it ever makes sense.

There really is nothing like a friend who gets to see the sides of you you’re not allowed to show in any other space—and neither of them wants to live their entire lives without someone who treats them as well as their longtime D&D companion.

The Identities

Mike Wheeler and Will Byers have been in each other’s orbit since elementary school in Hawkins, though Will’s been pretty distant about keeping tabs on Mike since he dated (and subsequently broke up) with his sister El during freshman year. Mike always enjoyed the time he spent with Will and could tell that Will felt the same, though Mike knew from the second he broke up with El that Will’s love for his family was going to take precedence over their mutual interest in the same (nerdy) things—the same way it did for his sister Nancy when she broke up with Will’s brother, Jonathan, when they went to college.

It’s been years since that happened now, though—and the last time Mike spoke to Will was when they gave each other a friendly hug goodbye the day of high school graduation. Now well into his 3rd year of college, Mike only knows that Will goes to IU just like he does…but on a campus of over 30,000 people and as an English major to Will’s Visual Arts, it’s not like they see each other.

Even so, time away from his exacting family has made Mike more comfortable, and he has slowly realized that it’s time to branch out of his solely hypothetical “rebellious” spaces and into meeting real people who share his interests—to fully embrace is love of DnD in real life to learn the fine art of figurine painting, soak up all the wisdom to be found in classic printed dungeon master guides, and experience the ruckus of a well-strategized in-person campaign. That’s why, on one rainy Friday night in March, he wanders into the Hellfire Club—the on-campus DnD group he’s heard of but never been brave enough to join.

Given his knowledge of Will from all those years ago, seeing the guy he grew up with sitting next to him for Eddie Munson’s grungy basement campaign wasn’t all that much of a surprise, actually. What was a surprise was what happened when he looked down at the table in front of the boy next to him….only to see “Will the Wise” at the top of Will Byers character sheet, plain as day.

tl;dr - you're 20, and your long-time online crush bestie who knows all your secrets turns out to be the brother of the girl you dated for five seconds at 14. Chaos ensues.

[alicentflorent]

FTWDs final season could have been so much better if it was revealed that Troy was running padre and controlling madison (as revenge) this whole time. He knew enough about nick and Alicia to make madison think padre knew who and where they were this whole time. And here are some other reasons how this storyline would make sense and be more interesting:

- Troy has a military background so him taking over and running a military base makes more sense than two teenagers building it up by themselves because all the adults died.

- taking and training up children to be solidiers also would make a little sense because of his own fucked up upbringing and the idea he has of the type of people who were made for this world. He would have probably had the same idea as shrike, that the kids stood a better chance at padre than with their “weak” parents. The mother of his child dying for being a good person and not getting to raise their daughter (who would not be named after his abuser) could have also played into this idea of the kids being separated from their good parents.

- shrikes radiation cure experiments: Troy ran walker bite experiments before, just to see how people would turn. So it would also make sense if the work we see shrike doing was something he approved of or an idea he himself came up with. As for shrike, it would make sense that she turned out this way if she’d spent years being mentored by someone like troy otto instead of becoming evil and stealing children just because her dad died.

- the scene where madison smashes the glass to expose “padre” would have been such a good and shocking reveal if it was Troy. Imagine Madison finding out that Troy is not only alive but had been the one running this the whole time!

There’s also a lot of other things I would have done differently for the other characters too and I would have liked Madison to have a little villain era and do some really fucked up shit as she tries to take down Troy and padre. How dark would Madison go? Would she survive with her humanity still intact?

I know I’m just talking into the void here because no one care about this shitshow but I just hate it when shows have a plot that could have been good, maybe even great but then completely miss the mark and fans come with better theories and ideas with minimal effort and thought.

[velvetjune]

Spoilers for Alan Wake/Control games and DLCs: one of the things I really like in Alan Wake 2 is the confirmation that, no, Alan can’t create something out of nothing. There were implications in-story that supported that, but it was good to have that be a big part in the sequel. The AWE control dlc easily made it seem like Alan himself had a role in the events of the game and the formation of the FBC, and, personally, seeing it through that lens cheapened a lot of the game and Jesse’s story. Instead, having his writing influence the Hiss and try to manipulate (even out of desperation) Jesse/the FBC to end Hartman and get help, fit right into plot and conflicts of Alan Wake 2, with Alan being sympathetic, but also an asshole for trying to change and control people’s lives in his writing.

[flaticeball]

the idea of a Gayest Player In The NHL bracket at all is already in poor taste to some degree bc i get everyone loves to make the “they’re so gay for each other fr” jokes but the condition of the actual league and its actions right now is like. you do understand why calling these people Gay Icons (Positive) for funny haha jokes is just. at best inappropriate timing, yes? but the idea of literally including one of the guys who got pride nights cancelled with his homophobia is just. can we take a minute to realize that hockey fandom doesn’t take place in a void completely unconnected to reality and see that this is just. a Really Bad Look. at best.

[melrosing]

anyway in an absolutely wild turn of events I think I’m free of my hideous job and like. substantially richer for it??? lmao 2023 you really owed me

[totopopopo]

genuinely not quite sure why i am so deeply uncomfortable when it comes to telling ppl abt my personal/romantic life. like i want them to know but i also don’t like admitting to anyone out loud that i have emotions, feelings, and/or relations resembling anything beyond superficial interest. i mean jesus. how cringe. they should just intuit it all psychically or something so they can know without me ever having to bring it up myself

[nemmet]

🥂 fred

ok so this turning into a full piece was sort of an accident, but the prompt reminded me so much of a fic i wrote last year that i just had to go for it!! 🌹

emoji + character ask game

[thecryptidenthusiast]

Title: willingness to bend

Rating: PG? Nothing much but some arguing further in. Abby is stubborn and not thinking straight, and Nate isn’t helping his case.

Pairing: Detective Abigail ‘Abby’ Brùn/Nate Sewell

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: how the post-forest argument would have actually gone between Abby ‘fiercely independent and stubborn’ Brùn and Nate ‘worries SO MUCH but terrible about talking through things’ Sewell. Also known as ‘these two care a lot about each other they’re just bad at saying so’

I was disappointed there was no sort of conversation or confrontation with these post-trapper, especially picking the dialogue option that gets you the famous “i won’t allow you to endanger yourself” line. so I’m rectifying it by making things worse <3 no spoilers really this all takes place in the timeframe of the demo, but I’ll tag it just to be safe.

Abby wasn’t expecting Nate to be waiting for her.

She’d lingered behind at the Facility after the debriefing. Longer than she probably should have, given the circumstances of…everything going on. But she’d needed some kind of respite, a little time to process without Unit Bravo looming over her shoulder.

Getting food with Vieno had been the perfect excuse for some time away.

Unit Victor had been an unexpected surprise, but ultimately a pleasant one. The group had no problems dragging chairs over and making themselves comfortable. Willing to talk about everything and nothing, they had little regard for personal boundaries.

Apparently news about her traveled far, and she wasn’t sure how she felt being at the center of it.

It seemed positive, at least.

The conversations were light. Nothing more than gossip to fuel the rumor mills. Was Adam as hard headed as everyone claimed, something Abby only gave a noncommittal shrug to because the last thing she needed was her answer somehow cycling its way back to him. They’d reached a tentative peace, she didn’t feel the need to argue with him at every comment, and he seemed to tolerate her being around. No need to upheave that progress.

They’d asked about Nate afterwards. About her relationship with him, and she couldn’t bring herself to answer around the sudden lump in her throat. Vieno steered them off by calling them a bunch of ‘nosy gossips’, and it was all Abby could do to give them a grateful nod at the intervention. Conversation still flowed afterwards as they all talked amongst themselves, and she happily let herself drift to the background.

But the lump never eased.

It’s- ridiculous. Selfish, even. Everything that’s happened in the past 24 hours, and it’s her own personal problems sitting on her mind like lead weights, something she couldn’t shake off. Added salt to the wounds of everything else.

Maybe it stung because Nate had been her point of peace. Someone that could help keep her afloat even when it felt like she was spiraling. She didn’t have that now and she felt- she felt alone.

Too lost in her own mind to be considered anything remotely close to ‘good company’, she gave a distracted good-bye before excusing herself and somehow managing to find her way to her car.

The drive back, trapped in the silence, hurt more than it helped.

She couldn’t stop herself from replaying everything over in her mind, trying to pick out where she’d gone wrong to make him so frustrated. Outside of the level of danger that was becoming a regular occurrence in her life, she’d come out of the attack fine. Stressed, a little shaken, but unhurt. She hadn’t even fought, technically. The thorny mess of underbrush had done the work for her; she’d just taken advantage of her…familiarity with the area.

Not that it mattered. Nate still hadn’t been happy she wasn’t willing to let him hide her away while everyone else fought in her place.

So, he yelled. Sort of. As much as Nate ever raises his voice.

And in turn, she yelled back at him. And if she hadn’t been so caught off guard, she would’ve been embarrassed that it all happened in front of the rest of the team.

No, that didn’t settle in until afterwards. After the chaos settled and the adrenaline faded, forced to sit through a debriefing with as much distance as she could manage between her and Nate. It mixed with the slow burning anger she’d tried to swallow down until it formed something toxic that left a bitterness in her throat.

It wasn’t Nate’s frustration that stung. Or the yelling - though that hadn’t helped. That, alone, she could have taken; sat with and picked apart into pieces of something that made sense, given enough time.

I won’t allow you.

No, the anger came even before they’d been reduced to shouting at each other. It was the declaration of what she was allowed to do, as if that’s a decision he had the right to take away from her. One sentence, buried in her mind like a splinter. The more she dug at it, the more raw she’s left afterwards.

It’s not rational, not really. One panicked phrase, said in the heat of a dangerous situation, shouldn't have struck her as hard as it did. But whether or not it was sane or fair didn’t matter - it left her feeling angry and constricted.

She doesn’t register the drive until she’s sitting outside the chain link fence of the Warehouse. It takes effort to uncurl her fingers, idly rubbing out the cramps brought on by the white-knuckled grip she’d had on the steering wheel. Staring up at the decrepit facade, with her headlights painting shadows in the gloom of the night, a part of her considers turning around. Peeling out before she has to face anyone, although…she has nowhere to go besides here. A stray thought passes through her mind about crashing at Tina’s, but she squashes it before it has a chance to take root. It’s well past 2 in the morning, and while Tina would open her door to her, Abby wouldn’t put her out like that. And she isn’t sure she wants to deal with the line of questioning that would bring on, either. And, Adam had been clear about her order to come directly back to the Warehouse afterwards.

Another order. Another decision made for her. Only this one smarts less, because she’s used to Adam telling her what to do.

So, against every nerve in her body, she forces herself to shut the car off and climb out. Mentally talking herself into taking each step forward, more mechanical feeling than anything natural. She’s not in the right headspace to handle anything more than collapsing into bed.

It’s late, anyways. Maybe she’ll be lucky and everyone will be busy doing whatever it is that keeps vampires busy throughout the night. They’ll hear her arrival, she’ll be able to get to her room and push off dealing with anything for at least a few more hours.

She wasn’t planning on Nate being up and about. Even if she shouldn’t have expected anything less from him.

“You’re back.” He startles her out of her thoughts. Perched on the couch in the living room, a book in hand, it’s clear he’d been waiting for her return. He’s smiling, doing his best to look relaxed, but she knows him too well for him to hide the tension in his body. The concern in his eyes as he looks her over.

Both get worse when she chooses to stay rooted to her spot by the door instead of moving to join him.

“I was at the Facility.” She says, words stilted and awkward as she debates her chances of making it if she were to just rush through the room and leave. She’d thought- a part of her hoped her aggravation would ease, if she gave herself time, but seeing him has it trying to claw its way to the surface again, settling like a burning coal in her chest.

Maybe he’ll let it go. Maybe he’ll just say goodnight and let her go-

“I was worried.”

He means it, that’s the worst part of it all. A passing remark made with nothing but genuine care in mind, because he always worries when she’s away. When he can’t be around. He just wants her safe. And there’s a small, logical part of her that knows that. The part that’s fighting and failing to pull her temper back knows it’s meant in kindness.

But the threats she’d been desperately grasping onto snap, all the same.

“I was with Vieno. And another Unit.” Her tone is flat, bordering on harsh. “Do I need your permission so you can allow me to go anywhere without you?”

She’s lashing out now. Feeling twisted up too tight, throwing barbs in the hopes of something sticking. There’s no pleasure when her words hit their mark though, no enjoyment in the way she sees him flinch. Just a building pressure under her skin, a rolling nausea in her stomach.

She hates this. Hates everything she’s feeling, but is too far in to pull back now.

He sighs as he pushes up from the couch, and she shuffles the rest of the way into the living room to take a place in front of the fireplace. Just- to give herself somewhere to stand besides the front door, so it didn’t seem like she was seconds away from bolting. She keeps her eyes on the ground though, just to find something to look at that isn’t him. Still, she feels him take a place beside her, even with the deliberate space he’s kept between them.

“I suppose we need to talk.”

“Yeah, we really do.” As if drawn by a magnet, her eyes flit in his direction, unsure of what she’ll find. Frustration on his face? Exasperation in his eyes at her attitude? She’s not being kind, it would be deserved.

She isn’t prepared for the deep crease between his pinched brows. She isn’t prepared to find him looking so incredibly sad.

“I know I didn’t handle the…situation with the Trappers properly.” He starts after a brief pause, clearly trying to gather up his thoughts. She lets herself relax, just a little. At least this seems like a step in the right direction. “Seeing them close in on you, while I was too far to help, filled me with terror. Every worst case scenario went through my mind, and I shouldn’t have raised my voice.”

He sounds properly contrite, at least. His shoulders are drawn, hands pushed deep into his pockets. It's only her own stubbornness that keeps her from reaching out to him though. “It worked out, though.”

“That it did.” He smiles, but it’s a wobbly thing. Brittle. “All it takes is once, though. As I said, they will stoop to whatever means necessary to take you and I- I cannot bear the thought of that happening.”

“And I can’t handle sitting back, doing nothing while everyone else fights my fights.” She turns to face him now, and he mirrors her movement. “And I can’t handle you telling me what I’m allowed to do.”

“It’s our job to protect you, and we don’t mind-“

“But I do!” She snaps, cutting him off. She knows they’re making no progress. Two steps forward, three backwards. Unlike before though, she can see him trying to figure out a way to diffuse the rising tensions before they can come to head.

“We’re getting off point, and I’ve upset you again. I apologize, for then and now.” His apology soothes her annoyance, if only a little.

“Thank you.” He takes a few tentative steps forward at that, trying to close the distance. “But again, Nate, it’s not just the fight. It’s you trying to tell me what you’ll allow me to do.”

He pauses then, and she realizes he’d been hoping she’d just pass that point over in favor of being angry about everything else. “I shouldn’t have phrased it that way,” He says finally, carefully, and she narrows her eyes. “I misspoke, I’m not trying to make every decision in your life.”

Just certain ones, the thought is a cranky, nasty little one. “You’re going to have to let me help. If I’m going to be part of the team, let me act like it.”

His brows furrow at that. Reaching out, hesitating just long enough to give her a chance to push him away, he cups her face in his palm. Cradling her like she’s something precious, she can’t help but lean into him as his thumb traces her cheekbone. “Being a part of a team also means accepting your limitations and allowing us to help you, though.”

Any warmth from his touch vanishes then, chilling in her veins as she shakes him off. “What does that mean?”

“I told you to hide because, at that moment, that was the best thing you could have done to help us.” His tone is gentle, but Abby knows him well enough now to know he’s picking his words with care, working up to his point in a very Nate-like way. Kind, always so kind, but unwilling to budge. “Your safety is my priority, always. At times, that means you have to be willing to let us protect you.”

He’s not listening. He’s not hearing a word she’s saying, and she can feel her anger rising again.

“I handled myself though.” She’s trying to be reasonable. To quell the part of her that wants to snap, and snarl, and fight. “I didn’t even fight, I was able to handle it my way.”

“And what if you couldn’t? What then?” Nate crosses his arms, as if he isn’t sure what he’s supposed to do with his hands now that she’s out of his reach once again, and Abby has never thought he looked more stubborn. “I just wish for you to be safe, is that a bad thing?”

“It is when you expect me to sit back and let my family fend for themselves!” She won’t let herself focus on the fact that was the first word that came to mind, slipping out before she could stop it. Not here, not now. Not with so much tension, or with the storm of emotions making her chest ache. Or with Nate’s face lighting up, even in the midst of her yelling at him. She’ll dissect it later, with nothing but four walls watching her and the safety of an empty room around her.

“I’m simply asking for you to trust us,” He says slowly, as if to placate her, though all it does is further stoke her temper. “I- We can handle threats against ourselves, but you-“

“You almost didn’t before!” She shouts, throwing her hands up in exasperation. Memories of Nate, battered and bruised, laying in his own blood, flash in her mind, too quick for her to block them out. As if sensing her distress, he reaches out on instinct, but she jerks back before he can make contact.

She can almost pretend like the flash of hurt on his face doesn’t make her ache.

“I was taking care of myself long before you guys showed up.” As soon as the words are out there, she wants to snatch them back. Bury them, stuffed away in the dark where they belong. Panic and embarrassment has her pacing now, too much of something buzzing just under her skin. She was prepared for fighting, yelling she- she’s not ready to see pity from him.

Because maybe, that’s the true, awful core to all of this. Why Nate’s protectiveness feels like an ill-fitting coat, clinging too tightly. So long with no one, pushed to grow up too fast. She doesn’t know how to let somebody else care for her.

Would she even want to? To let herself be that vulnerable with someone else?

And Nate knows. Of course he does. Even with ehr pacing, and her stubborn refusal to meet his eyes, she can feel him watching. Picking up on every little thing she wants to hide from him but can’t, because he’s always seen too much of her. He’s close to hovering, she’s sure, wanting to provide comfort but unsure how. The thought makes her cross her arms, as if she can make herself a smaller target.

That’s what makes him finally move, though. A gentle hand on her arm to stop her in her tracks, providing a warmth she can feel even through her layers of clothes.

“You shouldn’t have had to.” He sounds so soft, so sure of himself. Steady, where she’s drifting. “And if I could, I would mend that for you. But you don’t have to now.”

Let me care, the words are there. Unspoken, left to hang between them, but there nonetheless. I would if you’d let me. I want to.

And it would be so easy to let him. To drop her guard and let him in. To let him take the few final pieces of her heart she has hidden away, because he’s already taken the rest. Given to him willingly the first time they’d kissed

She could.

She wants-

I won’t allow you.

But she won’t. Can’t.

“Well, I did.” She cuts through the silence that had grown between them with sharp precision. Squaring her shoulders, she turns to face him, trying not to miss his touch as his hand slips away, and forces herself to meet his gaze head-on. Whatever he sees when he looks at her has his shoulders slumping, ever so slightly. “Which means I don’t need you panicking over every little thing that could potentially go wrong, or you deciding what I’m allowed to do.”

There’s a rare flash of frustration in his eyes, there too fast for him to be able to tuck it out of her sight. “It’s not about permission, Abigail.”

“That’s exactly what all of this has been about!” She snaps, barely resisting the urge to yank on her hair in frustration and instead settles for pulling at her sleeves to give her something to dig her nails into. Her tone is rising again and she can’t stop. This is falling apart in front of her, too fast for her to do anything but embrace the inevitable crash waiting for her at the end. “You’re trying to tell me what you’ll allow me to do, stressing over things that might happen. None of this is going to work if you don’t trust me to know my own limits.”

“You ask me to trust you, yet you have an alarming pattern of paying little regard to your own wellbeing. So forgive me if I’m inclined to doubt your choices.” His tone is harsher than she’s ever heard it, words sharp enough to make her wince. He notices, immediately softening as he scrambles to backtrack. “I care about you Abby. So much.”

That’s all this is about. Everything it boils down to. But it’s not enough to fix anything. And that realization has her deflating, a sadness creeping in to replace the anger.

“But I’m human.” It’s a quiet sort of admission. One that hurts, because it doesn’t matter what she does in the end. How much she prepares herself, or tries to help. She’s still the weak link, and Nate will always treat her as such.

Half a dozen emotions flicker across his face in that instance, almost too fast for her to recognize. Fear. Frustration. Affection. Something- something heavier, deeper than the others, and she feels her heart thumping painfully against her ribs.

“That-“ He cuts himself off, tearing his gaze away to look at the wall. There’s something more there, that much she’s certain of. Something he’s barely bitten back, and part of her wants to grab him. Shake him and demand an answer, an explanation, anything to tell her she’s wrong. “You are.”

Nothing more. No deeper answer. Just a heavy hearted agreement, that hurts more than her own words had.

A bitter part of her wonders why she expected anything any different.

The fight leaves her as quickly as it had come. The exhaustion of everything suddenly presses down on her with such a fierceness that she’s left aching. So she crosses her arms again, like she can hold herself together a little while longer as she shuffles backwards. Desperate to space between them.

“I can’t do this right now.” She’s speaking more to herself than to him at this point, turning towards the door. “I can’t- I need to go.”

“Abby?” There’s a thread of alarm in his voice now, and she hears his muffled footsteps on the carpet as he keeps pace behind her. “Wait, we can talk-“

“All we’ve been doing is talking, Nate. And I’m done.” There’s a hollowness in her, like something carved out a piece of her, and she rubs her chest as if she can massage the ache away. A chill has seeped through her clothes, settling all the way down to the tips of her fingers, and she chooses to blame it on the lack of sleep.

“Please.” It’s one word, practically begged, but it’s enough to make her stall. Enough to have her spare one more glance at him. Frozen halfway from touching her, panic and desperation have brought a sheen to his usually warm eyes. Torn between having her stay, and afraid of pushing her further away has him teetering on an edge. “Please, stay?”

It hurts. So much, more than it should, and it isn’t fair. Leaving him like this, when a part of her wants to turn around and let him soothe away everything. Let herself be lost in him awhile and pretend like everything is fine between them. To take the easy path.

But she knows how that will end. Another fight, sooner rather than later. She knows she can’t keep burying things away, as much as he wants to when things get tough.

So she shakes her head, pulling the door open and forcing herself to look away before he can notice the tears she can feel burning her eyes. “I just need some time, okay? Give me some space.”

She doesn’t wait for him to answer. She can’t, not if she’s going to keep her resolve. So she leaves, letting the door slam closed behind her. And maybe, everything will feel a little less painful when the sun rises.

[startixx]

Dear Candyman,

My dear sweet Candyman, I’m so sorry but I am unable to celebrate your birthday today. For I have horrible pain in my body which makes me unable to draw something for you on this day. I also am unable to since I am exhausted from being out at the mall all day and for other issues. I truly hope you and my wonderful followers accept this apology. I will try my very best to make up for this.

Yours truly,

STARTIXX

XOXO

[gob-lob]

hmmm i don’t think sleeping only 6-5 hours everyday has been doing wonders for my mental health tbh