#also it might be the amount of sleep or something else idk we will never know. everything combined mayhaps? Who knows certainly not me

[gob-lob]

hmmm i don’t think sleeping only 6-5 hours everyday has been doing wonders for my mental health tbh

[cherriesformatt]

baby blues || matt sturniolo part 4

matt x fem!reader

summary: you bring your baby home but nothing feels like it should you try your best to hide your feelings from matt but that never works because he knows his girl...

warnings: postpartum depression, sad, mood swings, kind of angst

word count: 1,4k

a/n: I think that might be the last part but idk let me know! Also thank you for almost 200 followers that's crazy!

🍒

The day we brought Noa home was one of the hardest days in my life. I barely could walk, I was hurting and bleeding a lot. My body was sore and didn't look like my body at all. The amount of people in our house gave me so much head ache. I was glad that everyone came and our moms are here. They cooked and bonded together even if they did not see each other before in real life. My mom did flight from Europe to be with us for two weeks so she could help.

I was so tired but I could not sleep. I was so scared something will happen to Noa. I tried my best to smile and talk to everyone so Matt would not get even more worried.

The moment I started to worry myself was that the feeling never left. Two weeks passed and I felt like I was living in someone else's body. I did not feel like myself. I was feeling so exhausted and guilty.

I would find myself having panic attacks in the middle of the night or day and hid hid in the bathroom also no-one would know.

Matt was so natural about all the baby stuff. Changing her diapers, feeding her, putting clothes on her. I was so scared that I was doing everything not to do all of this.

Today I barely even held her in my arms. I did not want to.

It was her bedtime. Matt gave her a bath while I got ready her pajamas and everything on the changing table.

"Don't forget her monitoring sock" I said watching him getting her ready to bed. She looked so small in her sleep swaddle.

"I know baby... I already did, she is all good and ready. Do you want to try to feed her today?" He looked at me with small smile.

I shook my head quickly and pointed at the bottle on the stand next to the rocking chair.

Whole pregnancy I was thinking I am going to feed her but I couldn't I only pumped so she could use a battle. I was scared she is going to choke and it is going to be my fault.

"Okay... that's okay I am going to feed her and put her down" He said as I left the room.

I checked on my phone if the camera and sock monitor were working and went down the stairs.

I started cleaning after dinner. My plate was almost full. I did not feel hungry those days. I made myself to eat so I had enough supplies for the baby.

"Hi... y/n..." Matt walked into the kitchen looking at me while I was putting last dishes away.

He looked tired and worried. Bags under his eyes bigger than usual. But he looked good. His outfit was nice, his hair was fresh and he smelled nice. I felt like a crap next to him.

"She's asleep?" I asked looking at my phone to check on the baby.

"Yes, she is all okay... Baby we need to talk" He put my phone down and connected our fingers together. The other hand rested on my cheek and he stroked it gently.

"Look at me..." He said and I did.

"What's wrong sweet girl? You hurting... I can see it but I can't help if you don't talk to me..." He said not sure how to start this conversation.

"How did you..." I wanted to ask but he interrupted me.

"Of course I know... do you think I don't see you constantly worried, you barely even sleep. I hear your crying...I just.. I didn't know what to do, how to help you. But I can't look at it anymore. Y/n you don't even hold her anymore..." He says, his eyed watered.

"She needs you the same as she needs me... fuck she needs you more. I am trying my best so you could recover. But I can't do it by myself baby... tell me what's wrong" He holds me and I do not know what to say.

I feel my body started to shake and I started to cry. I felt awful. So selfish and like the worst mother.

" Shh... I'm sorry... I shouldn't say that..." He regrets starting the conversation after I broke into pieces in front of him for the first time.

" No... you are right... Im the worst mother in the world" I said stepping away from him.

"That is not true baby" He put his hands on my hips and he looked at me with worry.

"Oh but it is... you do all of it... so smooth.... I can’t even hold her without being scared I hurt her...I can't even look her in the eyes because I hate myself Matt" I said really quiet.

" Honey..." he started and I couldn't help myself I just cried.

I felt his sarong arms around my body. He picked me up and moved us to the couch. He held me close to him on his lap and kissed my temple.

"Sh....I m so sorry you are feeling this way...I want to help you baby... but I do not know if I can...how can I help" She whispered and stroke my back rocking us.

He waited for me to calm down and when I did I looked at him.

"I'm sorry Matt.. I am so sorry for everytung... I love you both so so much but I can't... I can't do it Matt... I am so scared.... " I said.

"I am here baby... We are going to get through it together okay?" He brushed my hair from my face with his fingers.

"I think I need help..." I said first time ever thinking about it out loud.

He kissed my head again and nodded.

I started attending meetings in the same week. With small steps and with Matt by my side. I felt better and better. I started to be happy and started spending time with Noa without feeling guilty all the fucking time.

" Hi mama...." Matt said holding Noa in his brothers kitchen when I walked in.

That was a month from our conversation. Noah was 1,5 months old. She was healthy and happy. The best baby in the whole world.

"Hello everyone... How was work day with daddy? Did you scream so everyone would find out about you?" I kissed Noa's little nose and Matts lips. He laughed at what I said. The boys waved at me.

"She did not... still daddy's little secret but a hungry one" He said.

"But we needed to start filming three times because I couldn't stop staring at her" Chris said.

They both loved Noa so much but she was a soft spot for Chris. I already know he is going to spoil her so much.

"I know I know let me wash my hands first" I went to the sink, washed my hands and took her into my arms.

"Please no boobs showing out here" Nick said and I rolled my eyes.

"Not for free... I am going to Matts room and then you can show me the video?" I look at Nick.

"Yes! I am so exited" He said.

I went to feed little miss. It felt great to be able to do it and enjoy it. Thanks to that I feel like it helped me to built the connection I lost with my baby blues. This month was hard for me but I finally see the sun. She was in front of me this whole time but now I can fully enjoy and embrace being a mom. I know that after this I will be never scared to ask for help ever again.

" I missed you..." I kissed her head after she is done eating and fix my bra and shirt and walked back to the kitchen.

"We're ready!" I said walking to the boys on the couch.

Nick started to play the video when I sat next to Matt. It was mix of me being pregnant and little video of our photoshoots during pregnancy and at the end there was a black screen with little Noa crying after she was born.

We decided that it is time to share the news with the world. We do not want to show her face but we do want the world to know about her.

"Lets do it..." I said and wiped my tears of happy memories from my cheeks.

" Yes... lets do it" Matt kissed me on the lips and I smiled even more.

" I love you..."I said and she smiled as well.

"I love you both to the moon and back" He hugged me and kissed Noas head.

[chaikachi]

For the Ask 4,8,9,11,13,14,17,18,28

LOL I'll do my best

4. Pick a design choice for the new outfits!

Anything that's weather appropriate!! We missed out on that in Atlas (even if Ruby's fit there is my favourite of the series) and I would like to see that corrected in the desert. Give me some breathable and flowy fabrics. Seems like Weiss is on the right track from the tiny preview we got, but also... her shoulders are going to burn immediately. 😔

8. Any characters you wish had lived?

This is probably the most unpopular opinion on the planet but uh. Jacques Schnee? Or at the very least, I wish that if he absolutely had to die, then the way it happened was different. He was an abusive father, husband, and ceo that hurt a tremendous amount of people. And RWBY does tend to punish characters like that with karmic death often... but having it be at the hands of Ironwood when the tin can was too far off the deep end just left a bad taste in my mouth. Does his family - all of whom have complicated and different feelings about him - even know that's how he died? Or do they just think he fell with Atlas? I guess it served to show just how truly far gone Ironwood was, but imo we knew that before then so it just felt unnecessary to me.

9. Any characters you wish had died?

Not really something I wish on characters, tbh. If anything I wish some characters just hadn't been included in the story to begin with but... /shrug

11. Pitch a new Grimm!

I like the ones that have their own literary allusions for inspiration or some gimmick beyond just Fighting. So maybe something like a Siren or other creature from folklore? 🤔

13. Best idea for a RWBY crossover?

Tbh I can't really think of one. I'm not big on crossovers myself and know they're mostly about trying to expand the audiences of two IPs at the same time. Maybe some proper anime crossovers? Idk how they'd put two magical girl shows together, but that could be fun.

14. Favorite background character design?

Sienna Khan. I'll never forget what they took from us. 😭

17. Theory for the Relic of Choice?

I like the idea that what we know about it from The Indecisive King isn't the extent of how it works. Fairytales always have some truth, but rarely are they ever the whole truth. Not sure how else it might be different or what its limits might be tho. The semantics sound really complicated to sort out.

18. Theory for the Relic of Destruction?

I can't remember where the idea came from first, but the Relic of Destruction requiring a payment of some kind to be used is interesting to me. Having unique prices to pay that's fairly steep depending on the request would be a decent safety measure for not letting that sword be used excessively by the wrong kind of people.

28. Fairytale character you’d want to see RWBYified?

There are quite a few I'd like to see tbh. Of the top of my head, Thumbelina, Sleeping Beauty, Princess and the Pea, and Swan Lake. Maybe not all of them at once, but certainly some untapped potential in here.

[wizardfrog69]

Omg omg sigma <333333

Can you write NSFW headcanons of him? You can ignore if you dont feel comfortable, the writers health is more important. The reader can be male or gn!

Ofc I'll write nsfw hc for Sigma, I do both sfw and nsfw writing :)

'•.¸♡ nsft Sigma hc ♡¸.•'

Sigma x gn!reader

Both Afab and amab will be mentioned, I'll write like just general hc and then more specific ones under the headings of afab and amab.

Nsfw

Please if you don't feel comfortable with nsfw/nsft content do not read this

Cw! Mentions of p**n, if you do not feel comfortable with this subject please do not read further. Also I'm not fully spelling it so people who don't know what it is won't search it up. Also slight implication on transphobia and homophobia so do with that what you will but its isn't anything heavy just that the queer community doesn't get much representation is all. But there is a bit more on transphobia so be careful!

Masterlist

Enjoy!

General hc

So we can all agree he's a virgin right?

When he first heard about sex he did a shit tone of research.

Also Nikolai told him about sex.

When Sigma asked what it was he just said it's a really good book which he should read or something, idk.

Or else he showed Sigma p**n and made him watch it for like hours

Such a silly clown.

Sigma didn't fully trust Nikolai with that ... stuff so he did his own research and now knows that what they show on those sites is over exaggerated and unrealistic in many ways.

Don't let the idea of sex be influenced by p**n, pls.

The first time you asked to sleep with him he got nervous and confessed he has never done such a thing with someone but he wanted to and he wanted to please you as much as he could.

Like he would be asking if you're OK with what he's doing and if he should do something different or stop doing it.

He's very gentle as well.

Once he gets used to it he enjoys sleeping with you.

The chances of you toping is high tbh but doesn't mean he doesn't go on top once in a while.

He just wants you to feel satisfied.

Hes also somehow just amazing at giving head/eating you out it's like does it for a living.

He prefers giving than receiving oral, he finds the moans you sing out melodic and wants you to sing away your orgasms.

Also he's a thigh kinda guy

Like when the two of you are sitting on the coach or in the car he would put his hand on your thigh, not when there other people in the car.

Also I hc sigma as a good driver, like imagine him in a black car (I don't know my car types sorry) driving and you're in the passenger seat next him and his hand in on your thigh, uhh I would just melt like damn gimme fr.

Anyway,

If you are a kinky person and want the two of you to explore different things and experiment then he would be happy to do so but not with everything, he wouldn't want any other party involved, no pain to be inflicted on him and if you're a masochist then he'll inflict a minimal amount of pain, he's no comfortable with anything too intense.

So if your assigned sex doesn't match your gender then it might be a good idea to explain what the difference between sex and gender is, dw he'll understand and won't judge you! You don't have to irl just this scenario, pls stay safe! :)

Amab specific:

IT GOT FUCKING DELETED AND I HAVE TO REWRITE THIS AAAHHAH >:(

Anyway,

The research he did way mostly on hetero sex, he also looked at gay sex so he knows it exists and is possible the media is just mostly surrounded by hetero couples and sex.

But dw Nikolai is there to tell Sigma all about gay sex relationships.

His favourite position is missionary, the intimacy and the kisses you can give him (or vise versa) are the reason he choses this one.

Afab specific:

His favourite position would also be missionary for the same reasons of intimacy and kisses.

Yeah I forgot what I wrote before it got deleted.

༺♡༻ 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 ⋆ 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 ༺♡༻

I hope you enjoyed this :)

I was thinking of doing the nsfw/sfw/angst/fluff alphabet thing and I could send like the template thing I will use, idk where I got them from so the credits shouldn't go to me but the person whom I don't know.

I hope everyone is doing well and as always request, have a wonderful day/night! :)

-with lots of love, Az the wizard frog :) <3

[escapadeist]

palm tree 🌴

nutmeg

ivy

and chia 🩵🩷🩵🩷🩷

get to answering lol

Ayee there's my fren...

palm tree ⇢��do you have a fictional villain you shouldn’t like but love regardless?

Damn, ik they're morally gray characters n very popular or infamous choices for such questions, but Snape n Draco, i don't usually like characters that act out the way they do because of whatever negative experiences they've been through, because you always have a choice to not bleed on those who haven't hurt you, but anyhow, i think that their backstories and everything that they do based on them, doesn't make me love em exactly but appreciate them a lil more than others ig. Also, just a blanket answer will be all those side characters in movies or TV shows, that are not exactly villains but are villainized by others on the show or they and their struggles are hidden from the spotlight because they aren't as quirky or likeable as the main character's problems, just makes me love them even more! Also, might be a bias cause i identify as a side character..

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?

My room, oh the tragedy, i wanted it to be a subtle dull-ish green, or teal kinda maybe, but it turned out this bonkers paint that i hate now, but anyway, i try to work with it. There's no theme, because i didn't have a room of my own until i was way older and then the prospect of me leaving my parents' home made me think, why even bother decorating.. but yes, as of now, it's just a place i occassionally occupy n has my pride n joy, my bookshelf n my canvases on it and i am a neat freak so i like to organize stuff but ever since my seemingly never ending exams have started n my life decided to go to shit simultaneously, i haven't gotten the chance to clean n organize, but soon i will n it will feel better. (It being me, n also, a bit, the room ig? haha)

ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?

Ukw, funnily enough, i don't have a lot of 'tells' especially when I'm sad because i self-isolate, (ik toxic trait, but i feel like i don't wanna burden people with my sadness) so yeah that... But i am quiet mostly when sad n when i feel joyous, i think i hum n sing quite a lot, n take interest in my hobbies again n dance somewhat, but hey that could also be because I'm depressed but I wanna distract myself or procrastinate dealing with it so I just do the happy stuff, fake it till u make it or die amirite? For anger tho, i recently found out, i can't express it healthily, *pause for gasp* n end up screaming, crying (which i hate!!!! Crying when you're angry is horrible!!!!) n actually have very bad symptoms like a racing heartbeat n shortness of breath n have thrown up too, God, I'm oversharing! But yeah, might as well drag the cat that's outta the bag now... (Sorry, no, i still love cats, LIKE A LOT!, Please apologise to your cats, i didn't mean any harm to them)

chia ⇢ what’s an inside joke you have with someone else?

Ok so this is actually a very geographical joke (The Office reference, the kind of jokes u have to "be there for" hehe) so as i said i have my exams going on rn, n in this one subject we had to study about what makes an entrepreneur... And idk if it was a typo in the notes that we were provided with or what, although i wouldn't put my uni past that, but apparently one of the reasons one can be held back from being an entrepreneur is "not being able to have dreams", now ik they must've meant dreams as in a vision or high ambitions or something... But when me n my friend read it, we just imagined this one person going to sleep every night n waking up disappointed like "Dammit! I was so tired, i straight up went to sleep n i didn't even have a dream! This is why mom was right, i will never amount to anything because i don't see any dreams.." now they didn't even bother to specify what kinda dreams, so it can range from nightmares to fantasies or wet dreams for all we care, but ever since then, whenever there's a problem n we can't find a solution, me n my friend say to each other, "Oh well, this is because we never have dreams man! We can never think outside the box for creative solutions to anything, because we sleep too soundly n dreamlessly"

Ik it's a very, very stupidly silly joke but it gets us cracking each time so ig it works out for us atleast lol..

Wow, these were fun to answer!

Would love more asks people!

N if u reblog the OG post I'd love to fill up your ask box too...

Also, love ya n thank u sooo much for sending this love ❤️✨

[protokirby]

I slept for 18 hours. A complete mystery how I'm able to remember the time I went to sleep with how otherwise disastrous my memory span is. Anyhoo, there's this thing that occasionally happens. Whenever I sleep, I always have my sleep disturbed somehow. I constantly wake up. That's probably why I'm always tired enough to go back to sleep all the way to the 24 hour mark sometimes, or one of the reasons. So yeah about the thing that occasionally happens... Sometimes during the times I'm awake for a few seconds before going back to sleep, the previous dream will give me a number to think in my head to continue the dream when I'm back to sleep. That sounds borderline supernatural or somethin- Though like- I remember one time, rather than think the number I was given, I had awake-enough thoughts that I was able to instead think "No way. I want to see Hop" and then Hop was in my dream after I was asleep in the next few seconds. Or at least I think it was Hop that time. I don't know if I'm remembering for sure. I'm most often too half asleep to go against the number I'm given but I want to try and learn to ignore the number and think of a character. I'll basically have a cheat to dream of whatever character I want if I become able to pull this off, assuming I can have an awake-enough thought. I totally would have wanted to see Leon instead of Hop and I remember when I woke up from the dream I basically chose to have, I had been questioning my choices in like a "I should have asked for Leon instead. I don't see him enough" kind of way.

Okay now... I'm going to talk about something that might confirm my status as a crazy person but idk. I'm just talking about weird experiences relating to dreams. Leon has not been appearing in my dreams nearly as much as he used to. It's been a few years, but I remember the exact moment he started appearing less. It was one night my sister was really keen on making sure I didn't get a good night of sleep. Before she had a mini house built in order to desperately get her away from everyone. So anyway, she kept randomly screaming because of dumb reasons like- idk she was out of underwear or something. The random "karen screeches" while everyone else was asleep was miserable. I was dreaming of Leon a bunch that night but unfortunately kept being interrupted by physical pain to my ears that just remembering is making fatigue pain hit the underside of my eyes. After a certain number of times of being woken up, I had this weird experience that felt so real I'm still questioning it. I was in my room with a realistic amount of darkness for the time of night it was. My eyes were realistically adjusted to the amount of darkness they would have been then. I could see sort of well, but I saw some figure standing over me and I heard Leon's voice, specifically the one from Pokemon Masters, call out and say "Why do you keep disappearing?" as in referring to why I keep waking up. I kept disappearing during the adventure we were having. Except I also had a realistic response to an unexpected entity in my room and kicked him in the face before I could comprehend who I was seeing. Then he vanished into thin air like a ghost or something and I went into another dream. And from that moment on, I haven't been seeing Leon in dreams as much. As if I scared him or something. Something that needs to be understood in order to further know why I'm blaming this moment, the strength in my legs are dangerous. I have accidentally put holes in the wall on several occasions by swinging my legs around. Yes, yes, you can call me a crazy person for thinking I scared Leon away from my dreams. I'm questioning my own sanity. Honestly, I keep praying that I'm able to remember to apologize to him during the rare times I do see him, but I've never been able to remember to do that and this whole ordeal keeps affecting my mental health in ways it shouldn't. Like- I feel like a monster because I feel so bad about what I did??? But it was a dream??? That happened a few years ago??? Anyway, I keep trying to find ways to increase my chances of seeing Leon in my dreams in order to increase my chances of apologizing to him. If anyone knows any like- hypnotism or whatever, I'm willing to try whatever agrees with my moral standards.

[strawberrydykke]

long post basically about nothing

omg up at night and can't sleep which always leads you to make good decisions. anyway i was looking at my ex's sister's reddit account and she made a comment probably about ME. where she said i was really awful to her and to my ex and that her family only invited me to events because they didn't want my ex to isolate himself from them or feel like he had to defend me. and like idk! everyone has their own memory of things. mine is that she was always super rude to me, talked over me, literally transphobic lol. we got in maybe two arguments over the two years that i dated her brother. other than that i didn't like her, but i think i was usually polite. obviously she would disagree. who's to say.

i don't think i was awful to my ex either. i don't think we were compatible, i think he really fucked me over in some ways. i know that i teased him a lot, but i thought that it was good natured couple ribbing, but he took it more seriously, and never communicated that to me until it all came pouring out like a year in. i feel bad about that but at the same time he never told me it bothered him, so like that just sucks! i think i was also nice to him, waaaaaaaaay too understanding of a lot of things (constantly blowing me off, slut shaming me LOL, generally being kind of sexist and racist toward me/my family). i think i supported him, helped him with school, helped him find a job, etc. like it wasn't a perfect relationship, but we were literally 19 so that's normal lol. maybe he thinks i was totally awful, which would be fair, breakups tend to color your view. i thought he was awful for a long time. now i just don't really care. he's a person, i'm a person, we both made mistakes. i don't really wish him well in life but i don't wish him harm either lol. it just doesn't concern me.

to be honest i think i am SUPER bothered by the idea that his whole family hated me and was just trying to keep me from isolating him or something. like obviously, i wouldn't have tried to isolate him from his family. i wouldn't have been mad if he went to family events without me, and i don't think i portrayed that. it's not like i butted in and insisted that i always be invited, and honestly i went to a lot more things than i wanted to because i wanted them to like me! like i am kind of just hoping that this is his sister being dramatic and extrapolating.

i was never that close with either of his parents and my relationship with his dad was always SUPER awkward but i really cared for his mom. she was really nice to me and i have unresolved mommy issues lol. i would like to think i was nice to her back and that she liked me. it's really hurtful to think that maybe she didn't and that it was all an act.

anyway. I will definitely talk about this in therapy lol but IN GENERAL. i'm not going to spiral about this. i think it's fair to have conflicted feelings on the mom thing but i'm not going to let it convince me that i'm actually an awful person or something and i've only tricked people into liking me. i have plenty of great qualities and i have some that aren't so great! but so does everyone else, nobody is perfect. i have friends and i have had a fair amount of romantic interests since then that clearly didn't think i was the worst person on earth. sooooo many people see value in me and think that i enrich their life and i'm not gonna argue with that. not everyone has to like me for all of this to be true and unfortunately sometimes that might include people i see as maternal figures. it seems like a bigger deal that it is because of my issues but really it's okay.

[shipsgaysfordays]

get to know me tag game

Thank you for the tag @spikybanana 🧡

Relationship Status: Getting out of a crush, bisexual chaos that will not be acted upon but all the people at my school are so pretty, feeling that sense of loneliness in my bedroom at night.

Favorite Color: I would normally just say rainbow, or maybe green or a red-purple, but right now I think it might be orange.

Favorite Food: Sweet potatoes, at least at the moment it’s that.

Song Stuck In Your Head: Maybe Chiquita since I’ve been listening to it a lot. The melody of Thérèse because of tiktok and because I added it to my own playlist. Two Birds On a Wire will work it’s way into my mind a lot of the time too.

Last Thing You Googled: when is doctor who coming to disney plus

Time: 10:03 AM, I really need to go and get ready for class but I’m currently sitting on a chair with my cat sleeping on my lap.

Dream Trip: Honestly, I’m not much of a traveler. I’d like to go to Washington state at some point, maybe somewhere in Europe if I ever have the money. Overall I care far more about the who then the where, it wouldn’t be worth it to me if I wasn’t going somewhere with someone who I love (including friends).

Last Book/Fic You Read: I started reading a fic called “As if it never happened” by pieceofchocolate on AO3, it’s a very interesting concept. I’m only on chapter 3 so far though.

Last Book You Enjoyed: I loved All The Young Dudes, The Song of Achilles. Also we read this book in my english class called Grendel and the parts that I did read (I have dyslexia and procrastinate so I wasn’t able to keep up well with the class) were really pretty good, also that book made me realize that if you look for it you can find queerness in many books.

Last Book You Hated: Honestly, I didn’t really enjoy reading 1984 for my english class. There was another smaller book that we read afterwards that I legitimately hated but I can’t remember what it was called and that’s probably for the best.

Favorite Thing to Cook/Bake: I generally prefer baking over cooking, I think mousse is one of my favorite things to bake.

What Craft Do You Do In Your Free Time: I used to draw more, and I painted some, and like long before that I crocheted blankets because those are pretty simple hand movements to make something big. I also learned how to do embroidery for an art class and I’d like to make some of it again sometime.

Most Niche Dislikes: Christian radio music is the bain of my existence simply because my dad plays it all of the time, and not just in the car, no no also in the house in a radio in the kitchen. The amount of times I have had to hear stupid anti abortion ads and wonder if my dad agrees because we’ve never talked about it. Or the amount of very simple repetitive worship songs that I really just don’t get/like. I also don’t really like legos that much because of my mom’s boyfriend, idk man, like they’re cool but idk. Are these niche? I don’t really know and I’m not going to look up the definition. Oh another dislike is these stupid thoughts and feelings of like “damn I feel like such a side character right now” I dislike myself for feeling that a lot.

Opinion on Circuses: I’ve never been to one, they seem to exploit a lot of animals and in the past a lot of people. Then again I also think going to Circus type performances done by people with cool skills would be fun.

Do You Have Any Sense of Direction and if Not When Was The Worst Way You’ve Gotten Lost?: I think I have a sense of direction because I can’t think of many times when I’ve gotten lost.

No pressure tagging @moonlarking @lavenderandliliesx @moonlvr69 @mymoonagedreams and anyone else who wants to join🧡

[bumbleclan]

BumbleClan: 30 Moons in

last couple moons have been pretty nice! Hopefully we can keep that streak

Thoughts before the New Moon:

Sunstar idk how many times in the past I've caught you thinking abt changing the Clan's name. it's NOT happening. bumbleheads is too good to let go

Gracklegorse wants to get to know Shenzibat better! She's currently sparring near the warriors den with Stoatstalk and Buzzardpoppy. She must be almost done recovering from having the babies :3

Golddawn is interperting an omen. what u see girl. Featherfoot is also worried others are judging him :(

Howlpaw, desparte for work despite her strain, is put on kit-sitting duty. thankfully the kits are well behaved today, Flowerkit continuing to impatiently bat a pebble around as he awaits his upcoming apprentice ceremony. She's not entirely alone, Brokenspots is there teaching the kits morals until they start to fall asleep.

Squirrelface wants to get to know Quartermoon better! The older molly had just gotten done mediating a discussion between Plumshine and Gracklegorse, while it seemed to have worked out well, the former is currently eavesdropping on the deputy.

From StarClan... Fawnroot is judging Claykit(dude. shes like a week old. chill), Moonthistle wants to warn Mistykit of something and Runnelkit wants to speak to Brokenspots??? gamers. whats going on up there

Outside the Clan, Whisker hopes it isn't too late to join. it;s never too late bestie. lets hunt creechers...Together....

As Fawnroot watches over the Clan, a new moon begins...

Moon 28

Howlpaw's foods all better and Kokichi no longer has a Tummyache! Shenzibat has also recovered from birth!

Meanwhile, however, Mudfur has fleas, It's Quartermoon's turn to twist an ankle, and Mistykiy might have cat asthma.

Despite Brokenspots attempts, Haventail is chosen to mentor Flowerpaw. Almost immediately after they touch noses, he asks the older cat when they will go out to explode the territory, must to her amusement.

Plumshine could spend hours listening to Valentino's voice....eyo? gay cats in here?

After one too many sneak-ins, Squirrelface sits down and takes on the difficult task of scolding Poppykit. The young kit seems to listen to her, though, and no grudge is formed from the conversation, in fact, the two she-cats seem to be closer now!

Valentino has a wonderful disccussion of Clan happenings with Yewpaw and Golddawn :) friendship is in the air. She even has a mock battle with Mistykit! Claykit tries to stand tall when the older kit walks by, victorious from his "battle".

Sibling time. Poppykit thinks Mistykit is very helpful! Her brother thinks she is nice :) she also shares favorite prey with Rainkit!

Yewpaw has been getting along with the warriors well! Having a good laugh after bumping into Brokenspots, and spending a decent amount of time with Featherfoot, however, someone apparently told him a rather ugly rumor about his sister...what the fuck gamers.

Thoughts and In-Camp actions:

Rainkit begs to be taught a few moves by Stoatskip. Stoatskip's 4th apprentice incoming guys

Stoatstalk has the apprentices engaged in an incredibly tall tale. what kinda web u spinning king

After examining the herb supplies and noticing some of the daisy had gone bad, the medicine cats went out and managed to collect ragwort and marigold. Squirrelface was unable to locate any herbs. Haventail is willing to help in anyway she can.

Plumshine was caught sleeping in someone else's nest! fucker

The kits are rather rambunctious today, Rainkit as mentioned above pestering Stoatskip, Mistykit trying to get the truth of where kittens come from from Mudfur and Golddawn while the latter helps the elder with her balance, and Poppykit just generally going around bothering older cats. Claykit, meanwhile, seems to be hatching a solo-plan to sneak out of camp.

Outside the Clans, Razzle bristles at the call of birds, and Whisker is recovering from an illness??? girl whats wrong come home.

From StarClan, Runnelkit is watching over Yewpaw.... WAHHHHH

Bonus: Plumshines got some crushesssss

Patrols:

Despite Flowerpaw wanting to explore on border patrol, first time out of Camp is spent with his mentor taking him to assist Featherfoot and Squirrelface on gathering more herbs. The heat of greenleaf brings warmth to their pelts as Featherfoot wanders aimlessly for daisies to harvest. However, Flowerpaw ends up spending the patrol hunting the animals snacking on the daisies instead, and the group returns unsuccessful in their harvest.

Yewpaw and Howlpaw are finally able to train together! Their mentors take them, while Gracklegorse tagging along to watch their two kits in action. Unfortunately, on the way to the training grounds the group starts to begin an argument, Sunstar isn't even sure about what, but shuts it down and cancels the training plans to instead have the patrol gather nesting material instead.

Stoatstalk leads dawn patrol, taking Valentino and Buzzardpoppy with him. The tom notices some suspicious pawprints on the ground while they pass the canopy- Valentino, eager to prove themself, dashes into action and confronts the source of the prints, another tresspassing rogue. She puffs her fur in a scowl and demands the rogue leave BumbleClan territory. Once the other two show up, the rogue leaves, not wanting to bother dealing with so many cats.

Plumshine takes Shenzibat on a two-cat hunting patrol to show her around the territory. While exploring, the she-cat discovers a rabbit burrow. She quietly waits outside for the owner to peek its head out, and bam-! In a swift pounce the rabbit is in her teeth. Plumshine gives a nod of praise.

Brokenspots accompanies Golddawn in gathering herbs, and asks the senior medicine cat about a dream she had, she saw Runnelkit, but couldn't quite make sense of what they were saying. Golddawn listens intently, and they talk about throughout the entire time they gather oak leaves, by the time they return to camp, the two cats have a decent idea of what was being said.

Stoatskip and Hazelbloom lead the final patrol of the moon. Passing by the same canopy Valentino had spotted a rogue in, checking to make sure the intruder hasn't returned. Unfortunately for the rogue, they had, and the two toms chase them out of BumbleClan territory effortlessly.

Thoughts before the New Moon:

Valentino eavesdrops on Stoatskip, who is trying to set a good example to the kits and newly apprenticed Flowerpaw on how to behave in the camp. Not listening, however, is Flowerpaw, who is showing the kits a new move he saw Hazelbloom do earlier.

Mudfur wonders if she'd be a good swimmer. I mean it might help with your old achey bones but with no tail i am Nervous.

Outside BumbleClan territory, Whisker once again ponders if it's too late to join the Clan, it's not bestie psspsppssp its never too late cmon cmon.

From StarClan, Moonthistle wants to send a message to Gracklegorse? sniff sniff whats up bestie.

Moon 29

SUNSTAR AND FEATHERFOOT HAVE HEAT EXHAUSTION?? AUR NAUR moonthistle was this what u wanted to talk to gracklegorse about oh god-

Howlpaw almost sprained her paw AGAIN dear god

All the dandelion in the herb stores went bad... fucked up,,,,,

Golddawn assists in grooming young Claykit while Stoatskip visits Mudfur to spend more time with her! Though he's told the elder some nasty rumors about Plumshine... they're probably true tho lets be honest

Speaking of Plumshine, poor guys got a headache today :(

At the Clan gathering, Kokichi and Hazelbloom heckle at a group of HushClan cats together, while on the other side of the clearing, Yewpaw and Plumshine joke about how a OatClan cat smells. Thankfully, none of these moments are overheard from the targeted Clan cats.

VALENTINO HAD A FIGHT WITH STOATSKIP? NAUR :(

Claykit is surprised to see Rainkit asking Yewpaw how he's doing. whats there to be surprised about he is a sweet little baby

Flowerpaw and Featherfoot had a disagreement about something, and also the medicine cat is jealous of his shiny coat. Howlpaw thinks the fellow apprentice isn't very considerate.

Mistykit thinks Claykit is always reliable! see hes a sweet little boy

Stoatskip admires Hazelbloom from afar....epic....

if we lose Sunstar's first life to heath stroke im gonna lose my god damn mind

Thoughts and In-Camp actions:

Quartermoon is given dandelion for her sprain, which is what results in the medcine cats discovering the rest of the stock went bad. Squirrelface was only able to find some wild garlic, and Golddawn didn't have any luck.

Gracklegorse feels overworked :( Having to cover for his wife already and they're feeling the burden. poor thang. Goldawn worries for the leader.

Shenzibat AGAIN hasn't been seen in a while. girl where ARE YOU

Valentino wants to get to know Sunstar better! Maybe when she's a little less delirious from heat.

Stoatskip and Stoatstalk are sparring in the clearing, while Flowerpaw makes the other apprentices laugh with a joke. Yewpaw watches his older adoptive brother, wondering how hes doing.

Rainkit zoomies: activate. whirlwind around camp stay vigilant.

Outside the Clan, Whisker debates joining. lets GOOOOOOO girls

From StarClan, Runnelkit imagines what it would be like to BE medicine cat. im about to Cinderpelt-Cinderheart this mf

Patrols:

Kokichi and Haventail take all the apprentices out on a hunting trip. As they spread out to hunt, Howlpaw admits that she had a vision from StarClan the other night, no one can make sense of what it meant, however. It hinders her ability to hunt, but the patrol still brings back a decent amount of food.

Shenzibat accompanies Golddawn and Squirrelface herb gathering. The older medicine cat suggests they gather mullein for Rainkit, now that they're aware of his lung condition, lucky for them there was a decent patch left undisturbed, and everyone gathers a small mouthfull before heading back to camp.

Gracklegorse takes Stoatstalk, Buzzardpoppy, and Brokenspots out to patrol the borders, as they begin to mark border lines, a gang of rogues bursts from the bushes! An ambush! Brokenspots leaps into action to protect her Clanmates, terrifying the rogues with her ferocity. The party turns tail and flees, sorely underestimating the Clan cats.

Final border patrol of the moon is lead by Stoatskip, who takes Hazelbloom, alongside Plumshine and Valentino. As the group checks border lines, a traispe of pawsteps is heard through the territory, they follow the sound to discover a kittypet sniffing around. The cat notices them and brightly says that she's heard of the Clan and wishes to join, the patrol agrees and takes her back to camp.

Thoughts before the New Moon:

Mistykit is the cutest kit in the clan. SO real.

Rainkit wants to be leader so everycat will have to listen to him always. Claykit just wants to have fun. wow. just like the song. girls just wanna have fun

Sunstar eavesdrops on Haventail from the medicin den, watching young Claykit beg the warrior to teach her a few moves. awh

Squirrelface wishes to speak to Quartermoon, who is looking to solve a recent dispute with another Clan. ooo I wonder which Clan.

Plumshine and Shenzibat think about Golddawn, the former wondering if the older medicine cat has received any prophecies lately... Golddawn is currently playing with wind-swept catmint.

Howlpaw makes notes of Yewpaw's apprentice journey, her brother currently lost in a daydream. On the otherside of the apprentice den, Flowerpaw is looking to get to know Shenzibat better!

From StarClan, Fawnroot is looking to send a message to Pong... wonder what it could mean🤔

OUTSIDE THE CLAN, WHISKER MISSES BUZZARDPOPPY...WAAAHHH COME JOIN THE CLAN ALREADYYYYY

Moon 30: Leaf-fall

STOATSKIP IS EXPECTING??? UR ALREADY TAKING CARE OF ADOPTED CLAYKIT MAN....CONGRATS THO

Featherfoot and Sunstar have safely recovered from heat exhaustion! Plus, Mudfur is free of fleas, Quartermoon's sprains' healed, and Plumshine no longer has a headache, the medicine den is empty at last :)

MISTYKIT HAS KITTENCOUGH. NO. WAR FLASHBACKS

Also some of the thyme went bad. well hopefully we can replace it.

Sunstar rests her nose on Howlfoots head, naming her a warrior before her brother, and honoring her initiative.

Sunstar could spend forever listening to Gracklegorse' voice. lesbians win

Kokichi wants to spend more time with Poppykit! He goes to Rainkit for advice, the kit is surprised to hear the older warrior ask for help, thinking she had it all figured out. Shenzibat notices her son's helpfulness

Haventail goes on a long walk with Brokenspots after a mock spar with Sunstar.

HOWLFOOT CALLED CLAYKIT THE WRONG NAME...NAUR. Hazelbloom shares a joke about a neighboring Clan with his daughter to cheer her up.

Stoatstalk always knows what to say to make Mudfur feel better...the sweetest little man.

Thoughts and In-Camp actions:

Newly appointed warrior Howlfoot has a gaggle of kits following her, Poppykit refusing to take her nap and Rainkit secretly hatching a plan to sneak out of camp to play.

Gracklegorse hopes they make a decent leader one day. I would hate to lose Sunstar but I think you'll do fine :3

The medicine cats could not find any herbs the start of this moon. Golddawn interprets a prophecy While Squirrelface watches over her and Featherfoot goes to check on the warriors.

Stoatstalk wonders how Shenzibat is doing, watching the queen try to set a good example for her troublesome kits.

Buzzardpoppy is listening in on a Coversation Hazelbloom is having with another Clanmate, saying he thinks he's the funniest cat around. I think Hazel is right.

From StarClan, Fawnroot is looking to meet with a medicine cat soon, and Moonthistle is curious of Flowerpaw's activites. The poor apprentice is currently deflecting kits questioning where kits come from.

Brokenspots wants to get to know Plumshine better! the cat's thoughts are currently occupied by Poppykit being sillay however.

Outside the Clan, Whisker easily fights off an overconfident rogue. She's survived many moons living this rough life. perhaaaaaaps she should retire and join the clan pspspspsppspspspspsps

Valentino requests a session with Quartermoon and Plumshine, Plumshine doesn't disclose their feelings, but the two manage to get along a little better.

Whiskers feels like she saw Gracklegorse while wandering around, bb come HOME

Patrols:

Plumshine suggests they and Valentino go training together, however, neither cat steps up to teach any new moves. The whole meeting feels awkward and they part ways somewhat irritated. Plumshine how could you fumble the bag like this

Sunstar follows Gracklegorse in border patrol, and the deputy takes their two children and Kokichi with him. As they reach the border lines, a gang of rogues ambushes them from the foliage! The patrol fights them off and manages to not sustain any serious injuries.

Each medicine cat goes on their own separate herb gathering patrol, Golddawn is the first to depart, with Brokenspots keeping her company. One of the worst storms of the season had recently passed, and left Golddawn in a bitter mood. Herbs strewn about, prey in hiding, it would take ages to find anything. Brokenspots splashes water from a puddle onto the older cats fur. The medicine cat fluffs up like a bottlebush, turning aroud to quickly send a wave of water back! They engage in a small water fight, and when the patrol resumes, Brokenspots is pleased to see Golddawn in much better spirits. They manage to gather some daisy and tansy before returning to camp.

Stoatskip and Hazelbloom patrol together. As they reach the border, they discover a patrol from OatClan renewing their scent marks up ahead. The patrols cross paths awkwardly, no one sure of how to break the silence. While no fights break out, the patrols part ways feeling a sense of unease.

Haventail and Flowerpaw assist Featherfoot in the next patrol to gather herbs this moon. With leaf-bare on the horizon, the medicine cat is on the hunt for lungwort, determined to not let BumbleClan run out of their only cure for yellowcough. The three cats search far and wide, till their paws sore and their muscles exhausted, but they fail to find any. The patrol returns to camp disappointed, but Featherfoot is determined to try again, it's too important not to keep a decent supply of.

Squirrelface and Stoatstalk head out the morning after Featherfoot's patrol in search of herbs, hoping to be more successful. While unable to find any lungwort, The two mates find some more thyme for the herbs stores, Stoatstalk offering to carry it while he listens to his mate talk about herbs the walk home.(edited)[7:30 PM]

Shenzibat takes Buzzardpoppy and Pong to the trainging grounds, hoping to be taught some battle techniques by the tom, however, him and Pong get into a dispute about how far battles should go in order to determine a victory. Shenzibat puts her paw down, shutting the two bickering cats up. She doesn't learn much in terms of new moves, but at least she knows she can stop an argument from going too far.

Final Thoughts:

Shenzibat's kits are growing anxious with their upcoming apprentice ceremony. Mistykit wonders who his mentor might be from inside the medicine den, and Rainkit is being scolded by one of the older cats for trying to boss people around again. Meanwhile, poor Poppykit isn't quite ready to grow up yet.

Quartermoon & Hazelbloom eavesdrop on Kokichi & Featherfoot while they eat at the fresh-kill pile. I wonder what they're talking about?

Yewpaw wonders what his mother is thinking... She's thinking about how she deserves 10 lives instead of 9 again. love u bestie.

Plumshine and Buzzardpoppy spar in the clearning, Valentino passes by and offers the two some tips.

Brokenspots silently judges Pong from afar, having heard of her spat with Buzzardpoppy after the patrol returned to camp

Outside the Clan... Razzle is missing Whisker??? you two know each other???

From StarClan, Runnelkit wishes she were still alive OKAY JUST SHOOT ME THEN WHY DONTCHA

A kind of eventful 3 moons, but thankfully nothing too Drastic! and three new apprentices coming up soon! Place your bets now on who will become Stoatskip's 4th apprentice!/hj

[jadenightthewriter]

In their defence they may be stupid but marcellus is a) traumatised and b) a child. Idk what marcias excuse is tho 😔 in the esmerelda version she is also so so traumatised and has barely had time to recover from althers death before ending up with a baby for a second time except this time she can't dump it on someone else 😔😔😔 (the bit where she goes to the heaps in that version is So funny,, she shows up like um. Haha hi uhhh help. And she has a teenage boy with her and also a baby (identical to baby #1 silas got handed) and silas is like marcia wtf. Marcia why is there a baby who looks exactly the same as the one u gave me before. Marcia where r these babies coming from)

Honestly I think real au esmerelda probably had it better than canon esmerelda?? Like in canon everyone had caught on that etheldredda was killing her kids and tried to protect her, in this au etheldredda isn't even killing just the princesses she also killed her son who wasn't a threat at all and everyone is so on guard abt it. Esmerelda is never ever left alone w etheldredda not even once and all the palace staff r so careful abt it

YEAH <3333 septimus and marcellus get along So well here,,, septimus is having some kind of panic attack at one point and marcellus is like look i get it- and seps like LITERALLY NO U DON'T. And marcellus goes haha. Lmao. And then there r explanations (once sep is not actively crying on the floor) and septimus latches onto marcellus as his new favourite person (equal to marcia) and also septimus gets twice the amount of hugs and its all very sweet and nice <3 also I'm assigning marcias rooms another bedroom so marcellus can also stay there 😌 they may already have one?? I think it's mentioned in thm somewhere??? But. I'm putting it properly in the story this time <3 marcellus is staying in the tower while all his alchemy stuff is under construction and marcia HATES it bc he can spot when she's not sleeping and literally pick her up and put her into the bed and it's the WORST and sometimes he makes food and then she has to actually stop what she's doing to eat it and it's awful 😔😔 (<-she's doing better physically and mentally than canon marcia tho so). He's also very much a shoulder to cry on abt dn1 related stuff so literally this marcia is like canon marcia but 100% less. Lonely and sad.

Anyway I got off track,, yeah septimus and marcellus bond over being two guys with the same variety of trauma and both marcia and marcellus r able to help him more in this au than in canon bc they have. Experience. Does it help septimus that much?? Short term kind of long term definitely. Marcellus to septimus is like a kind of cool uncle/sort of dad figure,, they hang out when neither of them have smth else to be doing (sometimes when they do) and marcellus teaches him abt alchemy and marcias like wow marcellus :/ I can't believe you'd steal my apprentice :// that's so rude and mean 😔😔 and he's like lmao <3 and keeps teaching septimus stuff. Also marcellus does eventually tell more ppl abt his Actual backstory and jennas like WAIT WE'RE RELATED????? and decides he's cool actually now that she can bully sep abt how that's her great uncle 🥺 how could he steal him from her like this 🥺🥺🥺

This ask is so long abdhdbdjd rip and uhh. Well i have Plans for a fic but I think we all know what happens when I have a plan for a fic (<-it never ever gets written) so PLEASE write smth if u want to i will love it forever and ever and ever <3333

Consider: I would call them stupid even without the trauma, hence they have exactly 0 excuses sorry babies I love you but no

I bet Silas thinks Marcia did something stupid and kidnapped them all which is,,, aha not exactly wrong?? But it's not like she's going to admit that. (side note i feel like marcellus and silas probably get along shockingly well and marcia is Upset about this she's been betrayed how could you marcellus)

hmm.... that's a good point about esmerelda. I think mentally it might be harder for her though, because there might be lots of people who love her but i feel like there wouldn't be many who would try to get super close, because she's still royalty. i think septimus should accidentally trip and fall through one of marcellus's silly experiments and meet esmerelda and maybe be her friend for a bit.

ngl marcia sounds like a cat here i love this. do you think sep and marcellus (help i need to shorten his name i can't keep typing it T^T) scheme to like,, trick her into doing things they want. i bet they do like pspsps marcia look here. (i bet marcia and marcellus fight over how much alchemy and magyk stuff they're allowed to leave lying around. their rooms look pretty much exactly the same because they both hoard so many things except marcia's has like 2% more purple. relatedly i bet their horrible sense of fashion has infected the other.)

marcia and marcellus working together is probably the best possible thing to happen for sep it's like,,, someone understands almost all of what happened to him, there's always someone to talk to, there's someone to be responsible and someone to be irresponsible, he gets all the good things he deserves <3333

i think the jenna sep marcellus dynamic would be so funny idk how much an age difference they have (depending on AU version i would guess 10-15?) but they probably have the same sort of influence from marcia and all love to make fun of each other. they probably wear purple a lot and don't notice until silas points it out lmao and then make a point to see who can wear the most outlandish purple thing until marcia yells at them.

bestie same 😭😭 i can't promise anything (fuck you, school) but i have so many ideas i'm serious when i tell you this au is one of the best things i've learned of in months

[notnctu]

push & pull | kim doyoung

❀ slytherin!doyoung x hufflepuff!femreader ❀ genre - SLOW BURN, smut, fluff, a bit of humor (idk not rlly) ❀ details -  hogwarts!au, fwb to lovers?, y/n is a player lol, jealous doyoung, mutual pining, doyoung is a lil mean ❀ word count - 9.7k ❀ warnings - explicit language, possessiveness (a concept of marking), dom!doyoung, angry sex?, slight dirty talk, penetration, fingering, praise kink ❀ synopsis - in which a prideful slytherin and an oblivious hufflepuff play a clueless emotion game of tug of war.

❝I thought Hufflepuffs are to be loyal, so why do you sleep with other men?❞  

❝People say Slytherins are ambitious, so why didn’t you pursue me?❞ ❀ a/n - i changed the plot a little bit as i was writing lol but hopefully it still fits everything! i said this in the teaser, but i want to preface and say that the magic/marking is not canon to harry potter, and that the only thing im using are the sectional houses/subjects. besides that, everything is made up LMAO also pls b lenient with me, i read hogwarts!au but writing it is very out of my comfort zone and am very bad at creating anything magical 

READ NEXT PART

Kim Doyoung, the Slytherin boy of your dreams, mindlessly and imperfectly steals glances your way across the dining tables and under several hundred floating lit candles. He sits huddled with his few posh friends that wear the same green and silver tie situated so tightly underneath their necks. And you, just looking as dazzling as ever, with your yellow and black tie hanging loose and a few buttons undone from your dress shirt.

He hates how easily you catch his attention and his ability to spot your figure in a dense crowd. You barely even look his way in public now, often distracted by a broad Gryffindor that tries to make flirtatious advantages at you. And when he thinks it can’t get any worse, it does… as you’re flashing your bright beautiful smile back at him and the shift in your body language.

“You’re staring again.” Yuta flickers between his friend and the subject of his focus.

Doyoung clears his throat, smooths his tie and physically turns his body away from the horrendous scene. “It’s very hard not to stare when she’s flirting with other men in front of me.”

“Does she do it on purpose?” The silver haired boy raises a questionable eyebrow and Doyoung reacts before he can speak.

He perks up and narrows his eyes at Yuta. “Purpose? Like to make me jealous?” Doyoung scoffs, laughs almost at the ridiculous thought. “The answer is no. We’re not exclusive, we’re nothing.”

“If you two are nothing, then why are you acting like you two are something? Get a grip, it’s practically sickening watching you fume over a ditzy Hufflepuff.” As Yuta prepares to bite into his delicious soft bread roll, it flies out of his grip, down the long table and onto another person’s plate.

Both boys are quick to stand to their feet and face each other chest to chest. Neither one of them is intimidated by the other, but their other friends around them are rather shocked by the sudden discrepancy.

Doyoung forcibly brushes off an imaginary dust off his good friend’s shoulders and draws a perfectly strained fake smile, knowing that others may be watching and he is a Prefect after all. But most importantly, you could be watching. “Call her that again, and your dinner won’t be the only thing that’s thrown across the table.” His threat is loud enough solely for Yuta to hear.

Yuta, with glaring eyes, picks up his dinner tray and walks off with his chin held high and a brisk in his stride. Doyoung clears his throat in the midst of the brief silence and out of habit, fixes his tie back in place. He takes a seat back down and the chatter at the table resumes, but he’s beyond embarrassed and disappointed at his loss of temper that everything drowns out.

Almost everything. He feels a light tap on his shoulder and out of annoyance, he spins around hastily and sharply snarls, “what?” But his eyes land on your fearful wide eyes and the slight cower in your stance, knowing that you caught onto his bad mood. And he’s half in disbelief that you’re approaching him right in the center of the Great Hall, that you’re standing so beautiful a foot away from him.

Instant regret and guilt fills his chest, his sharp eyes soften at your pout and the concerned furrow in between your brows. Nonetheless, he doesn’t have any words to say… he can’t get himself to apologize for his behavior.

“Do you want to walk to Herbology with me?” The quiver in your voice made you seem so small, so desperate for him, that he can hear the reactions of his friends. They’re laughing, at him, at you, at the whole scene that’s unfolding. He feels mocked, being a laughing stock isn’t something he’s very fond of.

His lips form a tight line, and in a snarky tone, “you don’t know your own way, Puff? Mind you ask your own Prefect to guide you.” Fuck. He tried to find the nicest way possible to brush you off, but his friends laugh a bit louder and intensely. And you didn’t like that one bit.

Your lips part slightly in a frown, an eyebrow raised and a hand on your hip. You look as if you’re ready to attack him, to jinx him, to probably pinch at his skin. But he knows you, and you’d do none of the above. Instead, you say the one threat that causes his heart to sink into the pit of his stomach, “don’t talk to me in class.” You’re slipping away from him as you pick up your pace, exiting all the commotion in the Great Hall.

He tries to hide the disappointment that stems from his chest, and his heart beats with an inexplicable dull pain. All he can think about is the twist of your expression and he’s gathering his things rather quickly to follow after you, without even a bid goodbye to his clique.

Without any knowledge of what you two do behind closed doors and the complex history that you two share, one may view your relationship as practically nonexistent; you two are strangers, barely passing acquaintances. 

Doyoung does not approach you in the halls, in anywhere that necessarily has many witnesses. You smile at him, maybe even a wave depending on your mood, but no one questions it … as you wave at almost everyone who passes by you.

Classmates might see interaction during the one class you two share, if they pay attention close enough. However, you and Doyoung are much more to each other than passing acquaintances. Although he’s starting to see himself as another name on your list of individuals you sleep with, you are much more to him than you could ever know.

He’ll never forget the first time you two met. He was patrolling the halls for anyone lurking past curfew with his nose dug deep in his heavy book on magical creatures, when you walked right into him and caused the both of you to fall to the granite.

He was beyond ready to dock off points for whoever the rule breaker may be, but you took his breath away when you hovered above him and clasped your palm over his mouth before he can scold anyone. You looked a bit frazzled as your hair was all over the place and he noticed your minimal amount of clothing in the middle of a cold winter night.

He saw the signature Hufflepuff badge on your thin sweater and the sound of your voice completely threw him off his tracks.

“I’m so sorry.” You whisper at the stunned Prefect underneath you, whose body feels warm against your own. But your eyes remain frantically on the lookout for anyone else passing, despite the lack of light in the cobblestone hallway. You most definitely do not belong in this wing of the castle and knocking down a Prefect caused more of a problem in your escape route.

Quickly standing up, you lend your hand out for him to take. His long fingers accept your hold as he pulls himself up and dusts the dirt off his robe. His green emblem glows in the dim light and you’re internally screaming at the mess you just made for yourself. But you recognize his features: the sharpness in his eyes, the small curves of the corners of his lips, his neatly parted black hair.

“You’re in some deep---”

“---Kim Doyoung.” The boy freezes at the sound of his name and he blinks at you, curious as to where you know of him. Being a Prefect has its small perks of popularity, but he didn’t expect for it to go this far. “Y/N, we had brooms together.”

As he repeats your name and examines your pretty features, a light bulb goes off in his head. “The clumsy Hufflepuff that fell off her broom in the highest altitude?”

“If that’s how you remember me by.” You smile proudly, and he scoffs at how someone could possibly hold pride in something so silly. “It’s nice to see you around, you’re a Prefect! Wow! That’s incredible.”

“And you’re still as clumsy as you were a year ago. Falling all over the place.”

“Unfortunately, some things don’t change! But you certainly have.” Doyoung looks at you with hooded eyes and a cautious gaze, but you’re so outlandishly bold despite swaying with your hands behind your back. “Please, don’t take that the wrong way. I meant it as a compliment! I used to have a tiny crush on you, baseless, but you helped me catch my broomstick and I’ll never be able to forget that.”

Doyoung, unknowingly, lights up at your shameless confession and takes another good look at you. You're much more mature now, and if he stared into your alluring gaze any longer, he’d be completely mesmerized without the need of a love potion. “So you liked me over a meaningless chivalrous act?”

“I liked you because you were charming and yes, perhaps I am someone who finds attractiveness in men who are chivalrous. There’s nothing wrong with that.” You bat your sweet eyelashes at him so endearingly, and he’s a blushing mess all over the place.

Doyoung has had anonymous love letters passed on from his friends, but they were all Slytherins who yearned greedily to be associated with his status. So knowing that a Hufflepuff, with an innocent youthful approach to love, festered some form of infatuation with him does flatter him quite well. “I’ll let you go.”

You’re about to exhale an exasperated sigh of relief until Doyoung continues, “under one condition.”

“Okay, I’ll do anything.” Your gleaming eyes sparkle like stars paired with the night sky.

He rolls his eyes at you, “don’t be so quick to jump at conditions without hearing them first.” Doyoung groans and you passively brush off his comment.

“If it’s harmless, I’ll do it.”

And in the dead of the night, where only you two stand in the middle of an empty cobblestone hallway, Doyoung requests, “I want to see you again.”

Although that night marked the beginning of your friendship, public interactions were still scarce and this was mainly on the fault of Doyoung. The times you met were late nights past curfew where he was stationed at and he grew to enjoy your wondrous personality. This boy grew up in a Slytherin bubble his whole life, no one outside of his house ever dared approached him … at least, not with the warmest smile as yours.

You were everything he was not, but he liked it so much. You were a half that completed his whole, and there were growing pains he couldn’t confide in anyone else. Surprisingly, you knew his imperfections more than he did himself and yet, you still wanted to be around him to encourage him. Not to mention, you had a sudden growth in other parts of your body and formed into your features very beautifully.

He wasn’t the only one who noticed, as there were more male counterparts who smiled at you, talked about you, fawned over you. And he felt something heighten inside of him along with his existing romantic feelings, and that he began seeing you in a new light.

With you experiencing new things, like hand holding and being showered by love letters on Valentine’s Day, it was wrong of him to fester such envy over the ones who publicly adorned you. He was so blinded by his hot headed rage that he completely missed the fact that you never accepted anyone who confessed, maybe the hand holding, but everyone else was a complete rejection.

All this time, you had been waiting for him and when you two shared your first kiss together, you had an assumption that Doyoung was going to finally confess that he felt the same way. But he never did. You two did, however, further your relationship into something more intimate and taking each other’s virginities opened a whole pathway of possibilities --- none being one where you two end up officially together.

He was the first to sleep with someone else, that was his first of many mistakes that he was going to make in his relationship with you. It also became the drop of the needle for you to start seeing other people as well, to explore what Doyoung couldn’t offer, to rid yourself of the feelings you had for a boy that didn’t seem like he wanted anything more.

Chivalry was dead and Doyoung believed that the innocent youthful Hufflepuff love had disappeared from within you.

As his present day runs after you, you’re abruptly stopped by a Ravenclaw for a small chat. Damn you Hufflepuffs for being friendly and social. So, he rushes past the two of you and into the classroom to await for your arrival. The quick shade of green flashes by your side and you’re fuming incredibly at how Doyoung continues to play you like a harp.

When you slide into your assigned seat next to him, he goes off like a canon. Doyoung starts spewing backhanded excuses and endless shameless rambles about his behavior. “I told you. Don’t talk to me during class or I will jinx you. Won’t be able to talk with your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth.”

“You’re not going to jinx me.” With a subtle flick of his wrist, your chair is pulled closer to his. “And if you were to do so, you wouldn’t do something so cynical.” Yelping at the abrupt usage of his magic, you’re irritably pressing your ink into your journal with a newfound annoyance.

“You’re right. I’d turn you into a duck, so at least, you’re still cute to look at.” The mindless scribbles on the paper make no sense in your head, as you’re primarily zoned in on the disrupted energy you have about your Slytherin companion. These ill feelings make you almost sick, wanting to shut out any bad replay of the moments before and forgetting about the attention you seek so much from Doyoung.

“For you to successfully cast a jinx on me, you must make eye contact first.” His finger lifts your chin and you’re eye to eye with his lustful dark stare. Doyoung licks his lips, a shine shimmers from his saliva, and he’s tempted to bring you into his chambers for an intimacy he’s been craving. “My, oh my. You’re looking very charmed today.” A grin curves up and taunts you, and you’re blinking away down at the table.

“Doyoung, we’re in class. Please, focus.” Your desperate whisper turns into a whine once his cold hand slyly smooths over your bare knee.

“Are you free later tonight?” Doyoung peers over at your side profile and your skin feels soft at his fingertips. He’s imagining your intoxicating scent mixing with his sheets, your light playful kisses along his neck, and gripping onto every naked part of you. For a whole minute, he’s forgotten that he’s in class with other no name individuals and a boring professor. He has tunnel vision whenever he’s with you.

“I have an arrangement.” The grip on your knee tightens at your quiet answer. An arrangement.

“The Gryffindor who had leafy greens in between his teeth?” Doyoung treads lightly, because you’re both well aware he’s made harsher insults than that. He retrieves his hand and picks up his pen as if he’s never touched you.

He sees your head shake out of the corner of his eye, you’re rolling your lips together sheepishly. There’s something odd about your stance and he’s growing a bit more curious…. A bit more spiteful at how closed off you are being. There’s something you’re hiding from him. “Then, who?”

“Is there something you’d like to discuss with the class, Mr. Kim? If not, I’d like for everyone to head over to the greenhouse.” As the class slightly snickers and the classroom empties, you and Doyoung are stopped by your professor.

Professor Sprout, wearing her worn out Dragon hide gloves and a thin lined smile, shoves a potted plant into Doyoung’s hands, “behave, you two. Your conversations are never very secret when spoken aloud.” She gives both of you a warning before proceeding out along with the rest of the class.

Doyoung scoffs at the absurd encounter and rolls his eyes. “Ah, you’re getting me in trouble with you now.”

“I’m sorry, Doyoung. It’s better that you don’t know.” You say this every time, when will you realize that keeping your hookups a secret only causes him more agony? He catches your wrist as you both exit the corridors, he barely ever has you alone now. And to say the least, he fucking misses you.

“Spare me some of your time after class.” He’s disgusted by himself, knowing that his eyes are begging for you to say yes. Him, a highly admired Slytherin, has settled for scraps and if anyone knew, they’d never let him live.

Your hand gently clasps over his and when you look up with your starry eyes, something inside him feels at peace. “Did you miss me?” He gulps at your question and blinks at you like a deer in headlights. If said by anyone else, he would not hesitate to snap his fingers into a malicious spell. But you ask the million dollar question so sweetly, there’s no taunt… there’s no mockery in your tone. It’s full of genuine curiosity.

So, he answers you with part of his heart that you know too well. “Unfortunately.” His body falls slightly in defeat, and suddenly the potted plant is alive in his hands. It’s wailing a dangerous and annoying loud cry, completely ruining the moment.

Doyoung quizzically ponders the monstrous green plant and its magical capabilities puzzle him, possibly reminding him to pay more attention to the actual curriculum than on your unbuttoned shirt.

Moreover, your giggle surprisingly calms him in this stressful situation and you lightly pat his hand that’s still gripping your wrist. “I’m all yours after class.” 

Taking the wretched plant, you hurry off toward the greenhouse to find someone to diffuse the crying creature. Doyoung laughs in disbelief at your comical animated figure running around with a pot over your head and shouting for any student to help you. So you’re not paying attention in class either?

Doyoung takes you to your favorite place, despite the rule that you’re not allowed access to it. The Prefect Bathroom remains spotlessly clean and fresh paired with an immediate scent of rosewater and wild honeysuckle. The white polished marble gleams prettily under the twinkling diamond chandeliers and you’re twirling enthusiastically in the center of the large undressing area.

He observes and smiles widely to himself at the sight of your happiness and cute giggles. It’s always a risk to have you use their bathroom, but he is always abusing his privilege to seek your enjoyment that he truly doesn’t care about anything else. Your morality has beaten him enough and he’s heard plenty about his wrongdoings, yet here you are… sweetly dancing in the one place that’s absolutely wrong. Perhaps, you two have rubbed off a little too much on one another.

“I can never get sick of this place.” As you plead to Doyoung to cast a bubble bath, you’re already stripping out of your skirt. He shields his eyes to give you some privacy and recites the charm to run hot dazzling water in the ginormous pool. A nice soothing bath is exactly what you two need after a stressful day playing in the dirt.

“This is your favorite place.” says Doyoung with a matter of fact edge to this tone.

“It’s my favorite place because I only get to come here with you.” You jump on his back and he hoists you up by your thighs. His heart skips a happy tune. “I refuse for you to tell me the password, even if you do wish for me to enjoy the simple pleasures of a bubble bath.”

“You and your right and wrongs.” With eager hands, you’re loosening his tie from around his neck. “You stripped so fast that you’re going to get a cold.”

“It’s going to get steamy really soon. Plus, I know you like me best without any clothes on.” Your hot breath tickles the shell of his ear and a blush scatters across Doyoung’s cheek. Button after button, his open shirt exposes his toned build. He sets you on the edge of the elevated step before the bath.

Doyoung smirks at your nakedness and your hot lustful expression. Leaning in until he’s practically breathing against your lips, he stares straight into your eyes. “My Puff knows me best.” And dives into you with all his soul. Fruitful drags of his lips along yours, his long tongue enters your mouth. His large hand carefully caresses your cheek to pull you further into the kiss, noses pressing into skin and with a desire to never part.

His heart swells lovingly, kissing you feels like the best thing in the world. There are no tricks, no spells, no recited charms, but you are more than magical. The same surge of energy runs through his veins, but unlike his impressive ability as a notable wizard, he can’t control it. You make him lose control. As meticulous and cautious as he is, you’re the first thing he doesn’t think through.

Your needy hands push off his dress shirt and he hurriedly unbuckles his belt. When you break the kiss, he automatically pouts and pulls you back in for one more lingering peck. “Are you going to scrub my back for me?” You smile, dragging him closer to the overflowing bathtub.

Large puffs of white bubbles spill from the rims and disappear with your every step. It reminds you of sea foam that washes upon the shore, with a floral fragrant that fills your lungs. “That’s quite an intimate gesture, but yes.”

After removing all his garments, he joins you in the large pool of glossy bubbles and the clouds of steam that rises from the water suffocates him warmly. He sits with his back against the wall and eyes unwavering on your alluring expression. 

The bubbles do a great job at covering your breasts, but his sneaky hands snake under the water to grip them. Doyoung grabs a full tit and thumbs over your erect nipple, all while he holds the most sensual gaze with you. Slowly, you naturally end up in his hold and your wet back relaxes against his chest.

The beating of his heart is too loud and surely, you can feel the way it jumps out of his chest. Doyoung attaches his lips on your skin and as you’re melting at his harsh suckling. However, you perk up and snap out of your dazed arousal at the realization of his purposeful licks. “You’re trying to mark me?”

His hand continues to rub and twist your aching nipples. The sensation stimulating the growth of pleasure to sprout below and your mind to wander. 

“Possibly.”

A lovers’ mark is the ultimate testament of mutual love. Engraving the skin with your beloved’s Patronus, wherever the giver chooses to mark. Love emblems are meant to be something sacred to the couple, a way to make someone completely untouchable to everyone else. Not only does the symbol glow with an iridescent shine whenever love is felt, it also numbs any romantic feelings for all others besides the partner.

Besides the use of possessiveness, it’s a beautiful way to discover one true love since the engraving of their Patronus shows up on the skin under the conditions that both individuals must be madly in love with one another. And if it doesn’t end up forming, the receiver is left with a bright, sparkling star hue in its place before fading away completely. If it does appear, it fades when both fall out of love.

“Doyoung--” His name falls from your lips as a moan and he’s running down to explore the beauty between your legs. “--can’t do that unless you actually want to commit to me.”

“I am committed to you.” The more your neck cranes off to the side and exposed to him, the more he wishes to etch the symbol of his love for everyone to see. A hand is hooked under your thigh to keep your legs spread open and you’re gasping at the slight pressure from the water.

“Romantically committed to me.” You remind him, but your train of thought is cut fairly short as Doyoung begins rubbing circles on your needy clit.

“You’re afraid of it showing up?” He’s lathering your breasts with bubbles and dragging his long finger along your slit. His greediness overtakes him and with wandering hands, he’s gripping every part of you that they can reach. Doyoung’s guilty pleasure is always going to any form of physical affection from you specifically. When he finally gets ahold of you, it’s hard for him to let go.

Your warm skin is delicate and smooth beneath the very tips of his fingers and every exploration of your terrain makes him feel inexplicable explosions of fondness. Perhaps, you’ve captivated him and although he believed it would take something as extreme as the Amortentia to have him falling for someone, you did it as easily as being yourself. His better half.

So, he’s impressed by your genuineness and how he’s willing to give up parts of his reputation to unapologetically be himself around you. No one else matters, nothing else matters, but why must it be so difficult to tell you that?

“I’m afraid of it not showing up.” You’re more than convinced that Doyoung has confused his strong sense of lust with love and there would be no possible way his Patronus would appear. It’s better to save the embarrassment for the both of you.

Spinning in his arms, the water twirls to the curves of your body and he’s admiring parts that expose above the surface. He’s matched with your beauty before him, resemblance to the stained glass window that situates above the large bathroom.

However, the doubt in your statement finally reaches his ears and he’s grabbing your ass as you settle over his thighs again. His furrowed eyebrows bring together a rather upset expression --- lip pout and all.

“Why wouldn’t it show up?” Doyoung puzzles, bringing your arms to wrap around his neck. Leaning into him, your pruney fingers trace his smooth chin and he notices your quick flicker between his eyes and his lips.

While your gentle kiss reassures him of your subtle endearment, your next words do the opposite. “You tell me.” All you do is push him away with your vague doubtfulness, like you’re constantly testing him and using his poor guessing skills to your own advantage. He can pull you close after any altercation he wants, but you push him away in any emotionally romantic sense.

“You’re rather mischievous and mysterious today,” Doyoung squeezes your ass and smacks it lightly, causing ripples in the water. “I liked it better when you told me everything you felt.”

Suddenly, his fingers poke at your entrance and his other hand drops in between your legs again. Your mouth opens in shock when his long fingers enter slowly and he enjoys the pleasurable contour of your reactions. “Like this, for example.” The pad of his fingers working rapid flicks against your sensitive bud. “How does this feel?” His whisper dances across your shoulder, landing a kiss at the end of his question.

Your moans echo in the lavish bathroom, bouncing off the marble walls and encouraging Doyoung to keep a steady pace. There’s no worry about how loud you may be, Doyoung charms every room before every lustful encounter. This allows you to let go, let free, let him know how he makes you feel.

He curves his fingers into you, pumping and dragging into your tightness until you’re practically screaming. He only has one thought, as his eyes trail down your intoxicated needy figure, how beautiful you are as a moaning mess under his control. Your head is thrown back, eyes are squeezed shut and opening them to see nothing but tiny yellow starlight.

Dainty kisses line your exposed neck line and his ego swells with so much pride. Doyoung has mastered every flick of his wrist to have you under his trance, spewing nonsensical words and forgetting anyone else that exists. He gives your erect nipples harsh licks and with a faint drag of teeth, the sensation pushes you to your end.

Sporadic pleasurable convulsions cause your legs to close around Doyoung’s hands, but the strength of his knee keeps them apart. “Doyoung… I’m going to free fall.”

Leave it up to you to beautifully announce your climax. He snickers, applying more pressure on your clit and a rubbing motion against your walls. “I’ll catch you.”

Moon crescents embed into his skin as you’re holding onto him with your whole life. As your scream hits every octave, the massive collection of bubbles that cover the surface of the bath fly and splatter every corner of the pristine room. 

White and wet bubbles drip down from the walls, falling from the diamond chandeliers, and coating every steamy mirror. Doyoung’s eyes light up from the chaos, making sure you’re riding out your high for as long as he can provide.

Your body trembles with euphoria, falling forward into Doyoung’s chest and squeezing around his lazily pumping fingers. For a brief second, your mind is wiped and nothing in the world feels better than being in this perfect moment with the one person who’s Patronus you hoped would etch your skin.

If one possesses feelings that are practically unbearable to contain, one should confess… right? For all your life, you’ve lived by this statement. Friends do not hear the end of it and most surely, one should follow their own advice… right?

So why do you yearn for Doyoung in your gaze as he stands across the Great Hall as if he doesn’t know of your existence? As if he wasn’t kissing you in the Prefect bathroom a few days prior?

It’s not an understatement to say that you catch the attention of almost every person in the room, but the one head that refuses to turn your way… the one who’s looks you wish to steal… is the one person who looks right through you.

Feelings have become a nuisance ever since the first time you confessed to him and it was worse than landing on cobblestone after falling off your broom. The reason why you’ve buried them deeper than any chamber is that you’re positive that the prized Slytherin would rather be with another, preferably one from his own house.

While you try to remain optimistic and playful for the time being, you’re simply replaceable to him. He can barely care to acknowledge you in public when Gryffindors boast about you in their arms like winning a trophy. You’ve kept good relations with every Ravenclaw you’ve slept with. You’ve kindly rejected every romantic gesture another Hufflepuff has offered.

But if there is one thing you’ve learned about him is that he’s lived in his Slytherin circle for as long as he lives. And it will stay that way. You’re his sweet Hufflepuff that he’ll push away at no cost, then pull you back in secrecy.

Now if one feels as if they’re wasting their time, one should leave… right? Wrong. Kim Doyoung has skewed with your morality… and your feelings remain loyal to him since the day he confessed to see you again.

“Lemon-drop, I’ve been looking all over for you.” An arm slings around your shoulders and the notable red and gold tie is the first thing you see. Jung Jaehyun, Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, flashes his deep dimples at you. “Walk with me.”

He extends his palm out for you to take and your friends painfully elbow your sides to wake you from your hesitation. Taking his hand, you get up from the dining table and follow him out the Great Hall.

Doyoung sees the scene unfold before him and rolls his eyes at how Jaehyun’s dimples are all it takes to have you wandering off with him. Despite every wicked intent to follow you two, he heads out in the direction of the dormitories to fume in his room.

“It’s such a nice and sunny day today.” Jaehyun runs a hand through his luscious brown locks. You both exit into the front courtyard as other students are scattered on the lawns mingling with one another. When you peer up at the sky, the sun is barely seen past the layers of clouds.

“Jaehyun, is there something you needed to speak with me about?” His laughter roars, full of hefty song and amusement.

“Listen, lemon-drop. I like you and I have a feeling you feel the same way. I want to mark you if you’d let me.” Jaehyun smirks and just as he brings your hand up for a kiss, you gently let go. “Am I coming off too strong? We don’t have to do it today, I just wanted to see if it would show.”

“Jaehyun, you’re going to find an extravagant person one day. A person who is going to know all your favorite castle balconies to swing from and how you like to be kissed on the nose.” His ears grow a bright red and for once, his gaze drops to the ground. “I am, unfortunately, not that person for you so I must kindly reject your confession.”

As you turn on your toes, Jaehyun lightly holds your wrist to stop you. “But, you know all those things about me. Is there anything I can do to prove that we belong together?”

“I know them because I care enough to remember things you tell me, not because I loved you enough to observe these things about you. I give you my word that there is nothing you can do to prove me otherwise.” The corners of his lips dip downward and you’re running to the one person that will erase this sad rejection from your memory.

When you’re scanning the Great Hall for any sign of him, he’s not there and it leads you to his only hiding place. Doyoung loves to shut himself out from the rest of the school whenever he gets the chance. However, a lost Hufflepuff wandering outside the entrance of the Slytherin dormitories is rather an odd sight to see and you haven’t had the chance to form many connections from this house.

The sparse amount of Slytherins you know aren’t going to be passing by, unless with some stroke of luck, someone will be kind enough to open the door for you. Every person passes by you with questionable stares until a silver haired boy blinks at you with wide eyes.

“Who is it that you’re trying to see?” He asks abrasively, but softens his tone when he realizes that you mean no harm.

You bid him a small grin, “your Prefect.”

“And what for?”

“There is an urgent matter that involves him and he’s practically unreachable when he’s hiding away in his private room.” The boy narrows his eyes at you, but beckons you to follow him down to the Slytherin dungeon.

Excitedly, you hurry behind him and whisper over his shoulder, “what’s your name?”

“Nakamoto Yuta. No need to tell me yours, I’ll doubt he’d want me to know.” He spits and then, mutters the enchanted password to reveal the large green common room. “Come this way.” He leads up the boys’ dorms and walks briskly. Although you never mentioned a name, Yuta seems to already know who you’re here to see and it makes you wonder how he must know.

“Open up.” Yuta stops and knocks at the wooden door, Kim Doyoung written in a fancy penmanship on the center. “You have a guest.” He looks your way before rolling his eyes at Doyoung’s irritated tone through the other side.

“Tell them to leave.”

“He wants you to leave.” Yuta repeats, mostly to satisfy Doyoung’s nag.

“That’s fine. Thank you for bring---” The door swings open abruptly and Yuta almost loses his balance. Doyoung frantically turns his head side to side to comprehend what he is seeing. His ears felt deceived, hearing your voice through the door, he had to make sure it wasn’t you.

But you stand before him and Yuta. Here you are approaching him whenever he least expects it. “What are you doing here?”

“I came by to see you. I’ve been here plenty of times.”

“What are you doing bringing her in?” scolds Doyoung and the other boy shrugs carelessly.

“What was I supposed to do? Let her bat puppy eyes at several other Slytherins and have her telling everyone who passes her that she came here to see our Prefect? It was also getting cold out.” Yuta mumbles, but finds great entertainment at seeing how frazzled Doyoung has gotten by your presence.

“It was a bit chilly.” You admit and Doyoung groans, pulling you into his room and shutting the door on Yuta. “Thank you, Yuta.” You whisper through the crack between the door frame.

“It’s too risky for you to be searching for me around other Slytherins.” Doyoung paces the room and you notice his tie is loose and shirt is unbuttoned around his neck. “Why are you here?”

“A Gryffindor blew me off. I thought I’d come and see you with all the free time I can get.” Taking a seat at the end of his neatly made bed, your legs swing adorably and Doyoung almost doesn’t hear you.

“Jaehyun? Does he think he’s too good for you or something? That cocky dimple Gryffindor, with the draw of my wand---” Doyoung whips out his intricately customized Dragon Heartstring, and you’re on your feet to calm his temper down.

“Will you put that thing away? I’m here for you.” Your giggle warms his tight chest and puts out the fueling flame for anyone who dares to hurt you in any way. “It’s not a big deal and it’s not the first time it has happened.”

Doyoung uncomfortably clears his throat and withdraws his wand. Buttoning up his shirt, he fixes his tie back in place. To say the least, your words erupted his festering jealousy and this may have been a small tipping point.

Before you had entered, he was so frustrated with himself and you. You can just walk away with another man without a second thought, in front of him too. He remembered the soft feeling of your body and how he’s not the only one who’s needy hands ran their course over you. That may be the one pain he can never get rid of.

“I never understood why you give other men the time of your day when they just brush you off undeservingly.” He stings and you’re slightly surprised at his sudden attack. When you respond in silence, he continues.“I thought Hufflepuffs are to be loyal, so why do you sleep with other men?”

Crossing your arms, your weight is barred on your left leg and there is a shift in your overall mood. With an eyebrow raised, you sass him back, “People say Slytherins are ambitious, so why didn’t you chase after me?”

Doyoung swallows hard and blinks at you speechless. A clammy hand runs through his black strands as he tries to find any possible explanation without confessing his feelings. If he had a plan to confess, it would never be in the middle of an inquisition with you.

“I guess you didn’t think before acting on your desires.” And how he hated how correct that statement is. He doesn’t ever think whenever he’s around you. All his actions are conducted with his emotions and the feelings that overtake him.

Doyoung scoffs, rolling his eyes at your rash comment. “Aren’t you supposed to have the strongest morality among all the houses?”

“Sleeping with multiple men isn’t morally wrong. There’s nothing wrong with it…” The slight hurt from his question is difficult to ignore, but you must remember one thing if you want to protect your heart on your sleeve. This is nothing serious to be bickering over. You two aren’t anything serious, so why feel the need to squabble over nonsense? “... it would only be wrong if someone liked me and wished to commit to me.”

Your eyes meet and Doyoung blinks at you with wide eyes. His Adam’s Apple bobs as he gulps again, completely whiplashed at how the conversation has turned. “And if that’s the case and you like me, would that make you jealous, Doyoung? That’s why you’re trying to poorly attack my character?” He’s never heard such a strong taunt in your tone and he’s baffled by it, slightly aroused, but shocked.

“I don’t like you.” His voice is small and he pouts his lips at you. Doyoung crosses his arms and perhaps, his sad expression reveals a little more than it should have. Your heart softens at his ridiculously cute response, had you expected something much more angry and vindictive.

“Then this conversation is over, right? I’ll be on my way now. I have herbology.”

“We have the same class.” He grumbles, grabbing his robe from his desk chair.

You open the door to make your exit, “but since you don’t want to be seen with a Hufflepuff, I’ll go ahead first.” When you stumble out into the hallway, a recognizable face brightens at your appearance.

“Haechan! Hello, I haven’t seen you in a while.” You’re cheering and Doyoung chews the inside of his cheek. His pride is left at the door and along with all the things that hold him back from you, he doesn’t want to push you away anymore.

“My favorite Hufflepuff, are you just leaving?” Haechan walks up to open his arms, wishing to embrace you in the longest hug. However, Doyoung quickly takes you by your hand and rushes past him.

“She came to walk with me to class. Bye Haechan.” And Haechan is left standing in the middle of the hallway, confused and watching your backs as you’re both briskly walking out the common room.

Doyoung looks back at you, “you think I’m going to let you walk out of my room and have another Slytherin walk you to class? Don’t be so foolish.”

But you are foolish. Your heart beats foolishly and loudly for Kim Doyoung. And may you be foolish enough to wonder if his heart does the same for you.

And it does. Foolishly. Loudly. Lovingly.

You both wonder if this vicious cycle will ever meet its end. Doyoung pushes you away by ignoring your existing relationship, but pulls you back into his embrace as if it never happened. You push him away by running off with other men, but come back to him as if he’s the one person you’re loyal to.

But on this particular night, after mass circulation of rumors reaches the ears of the lovesick Slytherin, Doyoung is pulling you away from your huddled group of friends in the middle of the long corridor hallways. Without any greeting, any spoken words, he’s dragging you to his room right in front of everyone to see. His hand around yours like it was two days prior, but with an expression so grave on his sullen face.

The silence between you two brings no comfort, but you don’t dare say the first words. Doyoung, finally, approached you first in public and it is possibly for a greater reason. Perhaps you’ve done something horribly wrong, and the moment you two step into his room that you’ll hear a mouthful.

However when he closes the door to his room, your hand immediately drops from his embrace and he turns to face you. There is a darkness in his eyes, one that light cannot touch, and his lips are tight in a line.

There is an eerie silence that fills the dark room and the murky windows paint the area an ominous green. Doyoung focuses on your confused, yet adorable expression. “Why did you lie to me?”

The door catches your slight stumble and you’re blinking cluelessly at him. “About what?”

“Jaehyun.” He breathes the name in spite and aggressively loosens his tie. “He didn’t blow you off. You rejected him and he’s telling everyone it's because you’re in love with someone else.”

You scorn at such a ridiculous rumor and for the fact that it’s even made its way around to Doyoung. Another realization hits you. All it took for him to approach you in public is a meaningless rumor.

So in response, you laugh and it mocks him further. “This is not a laughing matter, y/n.”

“I’m sorry, but why are you so upset at that? Fine. I did lie to you, but I never told Jaehyun I was in love with anyone else.”

“Are you in love with someone else?” Doyoung says with balled fists at his side. There is a mixture of anger and sadness running through his veins and he’s so sick of feeling this way.

Your hesitation speaks for you, “It’s better that you don’t know.”

“You say this every time and it does nothing to ease my conscience.” Doyoung throws his hands in the air and stares at you with sharp eyes. “Is that why you were afraid that my emblem wouldn’t show up? Because your heart belongs to another. Yeah, I heard Jaehyun wanted to mark you too.”

Men and their constant want to prove something to themselves with their marks. Everyone has a twisted reality of markings now. There have been many others who have tried to mark you, feeling as if lust would be enough to suffice its appearance. As one's Patronus is special to their own protection, a beloved’s Patronus mark holds the same value.

You’re quite at a loss for words, “I was afraid that it wouldn’t show up, not because of myself, but because of you.”

Doyoung points at himself in disbelief. Him? He loves you more than anyone he’s ever encountered, even if you didn’t know it. “I wouldn’t have almost tried it if I wasn’t sure of myself.”

“You don’t love me, Doyoung. I don’t even know if I can even say you romantically like me.” Those words hurt the both of you and it lingers in the room for longer than you’d like.

“Do you think I fuck you meaninglessly like all those other losers you sleep with?” Doyoung steps forward, pulling you into his chest and admiring everything he’s fallen in love with. A pain spreads across his heart as he thinks of you with another person, of someone else kissing you, of someone else making you happy.

“You really don’t feel it in the way I kiss you?” He asks once more and your own stare drops to his shoulder, a bit ashamed to maintain eye contact with such pained eyes.

“And if I did? How would you explain that? That you are actually in love with me?” Your questions pelt him like rocks. As he pushes you on his bed, you pull him down with his tie.

Doyoung drinks you up like fresh water, a crisp and refreshing love that encourages him to reach heights. His hand cups your face and his feather touches reminds you of his gentleness. Your lips taste like sweet honey, dripping and coating him with a sticky sugar.

He’s happier with you and he’s the happiest kissing you. Perhaps, it’s hard for him to express with words, but he’d always hope his actions speak louder. So, his lips press against yours with a whirl of passion and every good feeling that grows in his chest.

The collar of his shirt is wrinkled in your fist and you’re holding him as if you’re afraid of him letting go. Doyoung runs a hand down your torso and lifts the end of your skirt up. A warm hand pushes your legs apart and a finger presses your clit through your cotton panties.

Your mouth opens into a moan and he takes this opportunity to shove his long tongue inside, lapping with your own. As a wet spot forms on your panties, he pulls them to the side and gathers the slick to gently rub your erect clit. His name is lost and muffled in the kiss, but you tap at his chest.

When he breaks away and halts all movement, he looks down over you with a fire burning in his dark orbs. And a confession falls from his swollen lips, “may I mark you?”

“And if it doesn’t show up?” Though, you’re wishing to the most powerful wizards that it does or else your heart would shatter into a million pieces beyond repair.

He bites his lip and every possible outcome scatters his thoughts. It’s too hard to concentrate, so he doesn’t at all. He focuses on your pretty lips and the way you look at him like he’s the only person that matters. “Then, we’ll deal with the consequences later.”

With your quick nod, Doyoung attaches his lips to your neck and harshly sucks at your skin. For the most part, it’s a pleasurable feeling and sends a shiver down your spine. So, he licks and nibbles until he can barely breathe. Your faint scent of patchouli and ginger intoxicates him, wraps him up in a fuzzy coziness that is unmatched.

Your hands unbutton his shirt and a final gentle bite seals his mark. If the love is reciprocated, the emblem would take a moment to form. Doyoung is rather hopeful and excited, as he’s never seen his Patronus before. “You look beautiful.”

“And you look dazed as if someone charmed you.” You giggle and kiss his red lips.

“You’re quite the powerful one, my Puff.” He smiles against your jaw before proceeding to your mess down below. He gives your aching clit a few licks, which cause your body to twist and turn at the sensitive sensation.

“Please, I haven’t felt you in so long.” Whining and tugging at his hair, Doyoung leaves a lasting kiss and gets up to remove his pants.

“Did you miss me?” Doyoung raises a suggestive eyebrow and cocks his head to the side in mockery, a smirk growing on his face.

You reply with a silly response that only he knows and causes him to chuckle, “unfortunately.” And he’s finding every way not to confess his endearments for you.

His dick stands tall and proud against his abdomen, giving it a few jerks as he watches you strip out of your own clothes. You turn around and sit on your knees, with a slight tilt forward and the arch in your back to accentuate your ass.

Doyoung rolls on the protection as quickly as he can. His hands lightly smack your cheeks and slowly enters your dripping hole. His hands grip your hips as he slides deeper into you, both being moaning messes at the delicious feeling.

“Have you always been this big?” You look back at him and to which he devilishly smiles at you.

“You know just the way to fuel my ego,” when his length is fully buried inside of your tight walls, he wraps an arm around your waist and a hand on your tit. “After all the times you’ve been fucked, your pussy is still as tight as ever.”

Doyoung slams hard into you, showing no mercy and causing you to jolt up. He takes every frustration, every feeling of anger, every ounce of jealousy into his thrusts. “But you take me so well, darling. I’ve never seen someone as pretty as you.”

His compliments cause your heart to soar, despite the soreness you’re beginning to feel in your pussy. He’s relentless, bottoming out until his tip is practically in your guts. “Just like that, baby. You’re the only one who fucks me this good.”

He blushes under the low light and leans forward to kiss the top of your head. “My Puff, you’re so sweet to me.” The loud squelch of your tight pussy gripping his dick fills the hot room, “and so wet.”

You’re shamelessly dripping on his green velvet blanket and Doyoung picks up his speed. Your knees give out as you fall face forward into the mattress, hands in fists from the incredible pleasure of every hit. Your ass now in his full view and every tingle of magic lights up in his veins.

Your throat is raw from screaming and moaning, Doyoung holds your hips steady to thrust into a new angle. Automatically, your body twitches as his tip hits your special spot and he’s well aware that you’re close to releasing.

And with his fast thrusts, he asks you an intimate question that is fueled by envy and rage. “If I fuck you the best, then why do you sleep with other men?”

There are no thoughts in your mind to even give him a white lie, to mask the truth of your actions. He’s fucking you into an oblivion that it’s hard to even focus on anything besides pleasure. The books on his shelf begin to tremble as you’re crying out, “I- I don’t know! Fuck, please… ! I’m tipping over.”

“Answer the question or I will stop.” He’s absolutely cynical and you have every reason to believe his threat. Doyoung lifts your limp body upright, against his torso and an arm secured around your middle as before. His hand snakes to your clit, rubbing feathering circles over the neglected bud.

Nonetheless, his single action paired with his tip grazing harshly against the particular spot causes your legs to tremble. “Do you want me to stop?” His threat rings in your ears when you still left him without an answer.

You’re so close, you’re starting to see white. So, you say what your heart tells you and the truth falls from your lips in a loud confession. “Because I wanted you to love me instead! I fucked them to forget about my love for you… fuck, I’m--”

“I’ve got you. Let go of yourself, baby.” Doyoung slows his hips when your walls squeeze around him sporadically. Every book flies out and hits the opposite wall, clattering the floor with heavy academia. However, he repeats your proclamation endlessly in his mind and his heart surges with the most intense romantic desires.

“I do love you, y/n.” He whispers, cumming into his rubber and simply holding you tightly. He lets go of every prideful arrogance in his body, tossing the lame reputation he always tried to hold onto. He didn’t need that if it meant losing you. Doyoung chuckles to himself for being an obvious cliché, announcing one’s love in the midst of a lustful act. He pulls out and gently tucks you into the covers.

Breathless, you’re finally realizing his confession. “You do? Are you sure?” Any subtle movements has your aching lower half in pain, so you settle with resting on his plush pillows and await for him to join you in bed.

All this time, from beginning to now, you’ve been oblivious to his yearning looks across the Great Hall. The intensity of his kisses had been lost upon you completely as you had convinced yourself that he was incompatibly of loving you back. Even now, as you lay in slight doubt, you’re wondering how you managed to have everything fly over your head. 

When he discards his used protection and with a quick flick of his wrist, every book finds its original place on the shelf again, he enters the warm covers. Your arms wrap around his neck and you’re admiring each other’s expressions in the low light. He spots the notable twinkle in your eyes and his thumb lightly rubs your cheek.

“If the symbol of my Patronus doesn’t show, I promise to love you harder until it does.” Doyoung leaves the softest, most loving kiss on your lips. He’s more than thankful for the lack of light as he’s bashfully red all over his cheeks.

“Usually, people just give up.” Your voice is harsh, possibly from the deafening screaming of pleasure prior.

Doyoung shakes his head. He’s made too many mistakes in this relationship with you. Sleeping with another. Ignoring your existence. Being too prideful to be seen with another house. All these incidents have made him feel nothing but ugliness and distraught, and pushed you away further than how much he is able to pull you back.

He loves you. He’s in love with you. He’s fallen for you recklessly as you did off your broom the first encounter. You’re everything he’s never been and never will be, yet you don’t care. You’re by his side, despite his spitefulness and you never miss a beat. That innocent youth approach to love, oh how he wishes it never faded, and though he thought it did, it didn’t. You remain true to your character when he fights with himself internally.

“That would be a mistake and I can’t afford to keep making them.” A glossy sheen over Doyoung’s regretful eyes, but you pull him closer and you refuse to let his eyes wander.

A tired harmless sigh escapes your lips and a dreamy haze overcomes you. Besides the reminder of needing to use the bathroom flashing in your mind, there is nothing else you want to dissect. Feelings are too complex to discuss at the moment and the resolve has already passed.

Regardless of the marks appearing, you’re content with the night and for the rest of your days. Kim Doyoung, the Slytherin boy of your dreams, loves you back and the power of that alone beats any spell in those dusty old textbooks.

“Why can’t we lay here forever?” Your heavy eyelids fall slowly and your voice grows small.

Doyoung kisses your shoulder, then your neck. “That’s impossible. I can’t give you forever.” He mumbles against your skin, sending vibrations across your throat.

“You are my forever.” Doyoung halts and is left speechless as a white glowing entity catches his eye. And the absolute perfect outline of his Patronus sits underneath your jaw, brightly shining with iridescent brilliance --- he makes out the outline: a White Swan, representing his love for you. Doyoung smiles to himself and hopes for it to never fade. Perhaps, he can give you forever.

some fun critical questions to think about hehe -

why do you think y/n lied to doyoung about jaehyun confessing? why do you think yuta helped y/n enter the Slytherin dormitories? what is the meaning behind the White Swan Patronus? Why do you think y/n continued to like doyoung after all this time?

there are no right or wrong answers, just something fun to have you thinking a little more about the fic haha if you want, you can send me an ask about it :) but overall, no pressure and thank you for reading! please leave me some feedback if you can! happy new year!

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[nanagoswife]

Noticing You, Noticing Me

Chapter Eight

Summary: More soft moments between reader and Obi-Wan as they enjoy being back together

W/C: 3.5k

Warnings: Not smut, but there is some intimacy? Not really though? Idk😅

- - -

Apparently, everyone knew about Obi-Wan’s arrival except for you. Anakin and Padmé were just the ones who participated.

As you walked through the halls, basically clinging to his arm, he laid his free hand on top of one of yours as he told you.

“I had also been talking with Anakin these last months, albeit, not as often as I was with you.” He paused to smile at you, gently squeezing your hand. “When I found out of my plans to come here, I wanted to find a way to surprise you. Then, Anakin came to mind.”

“Let me guess. You asked Anakin, then Anakin asked Padmé, and then Anakin told you what she had said.”

Obi-Wan smirked. “Sometimes I forget how well you know your brother.”

A small sense of pride filled you with that.

“But yes, that’s what happened. Of course I had first written to your parents about a few things. They were more than happy to hear that I could make my way over after so long. I think it was something about how their daughter was quite taken with me.”

He looked down at you with that cheeky smile once again. You shook your head and giggled as you lightly pushed him, only sending him slightly off balance.

His laugh filled the halls as he regained his steady pace.

“I do believe that she is quite taken with the prince of Coruscant. The princess couldn’t be happier.”

Obi-Wan’s crystal blue eyes stared into yours while he smiled. Slowly, he brought the two of you to a stop in front of one of the windows. The light of the sun reflected perfectly in his eyes.

When he turned to face you, both of your hands ended up in his one. Although you loved the feeling, you took one hand away to bring it to his cheek. A small giggle bubbled its way out of you at the feel of his beard as he leaned into your touch. The well trimmed hairs were scratchy but in the most delightful way.

Your eyes couldn’t leave his even if you wanted to. The sight of him like this held all of your attention as you slowly dragged your hand down to rest on his chest.

The fact that both of you were leaning in went hardly noticed. It felt so natural that you paid no mind to it. It was only as you were that few centimeters away from the other’s lips that you realized, but you didn’t pull away. No, this was something the two of you had come so close to once before, yet it now had a different meaning. This was more deserved than before.

You were so close until footsteps could be heard from the other end of the hall. Obi-Wan huffed out a sigh of annoyance but didn’t make any movement to pull away from your proximity.

“We really need to find a more private place,” he whispered, causing you to chuckle,

“If I remember correctly, not even that worked, Obi.”

All he did was groan and roll his eyes as his shoulders slumped. “You unfortunately make a good point, my dear.”

You chuckled before the person arrived in your area. When you turned to greet them, it was Varlo. Maybe it was your eyes just playing tricks on you, but he seemed absolutely miserable. More than he had been in the last two months, anyways. Apparently not having the popularity that he used to have was weighing on him more than you had thought.

“Good afternoon, Varlo,” Obi-Wan greeted with a bow from just behind you. As he did, you saw that a small piece of his hair fell out of place. He did nothing to put it back, though, as he stood up.

“Prince Kenobi,” he greeted briskly with a stiff bow.

He seemed rigid in his greeting. Had something gone wrong in a dispute? You weren’t super into the politics of your kingdom as he was, so you didn’t know what possibly could make him like this.

Varlo’s jaw seemed tense, like he was clenching it.

“Is everything alright?” you asked, breaking him out of his thoughts. You could feel Obi-Wan shift uncomfortably behind you. Whatever was going on with Varlo was unsettling him just like it was for you.

“Hm? Oh, yes, I apologize. Just something occupying my mind. Anyways, I really came here to find you to tell you that our parents are putting together a small feast in honour of your arrival, Prince Kenobi.”

“Please, call me Obi-Wan. And thank you. I’ll be sure to thank them later although it’s highly unnecessary.”

“Oh but it is,” you cut in, flashing him a smile.

Obi-Wan chuckled. “Alright, alright. If you say so.”

“I’ll leave you two be. But, Y/N, I should mention that mom is putting this together. So, be prepared,” Varlo said with a playful smile.

You knew exactly what he meant. Whenever your mother would go into planning mode, she always made it the best. If it weren’t for the fact that Obi-Wan had told them before arriving, you would’ve assumed they only had a day's notice. In that case, it would be more toned down. Knowing that she had known well in advance, well, it would be extravagant.

Both you and Obi-Wan said your goodbyes to your brother before he turned away.

“Well, what shall we do until dinner?” Obi-Wan asked when your brother was far enough down the hall. Before you answered, you brushed those few strands of hair back into place.

“Have you unpacked yet?” You turned to look at him, seeing him shake his head no. “Why don’t we do that, then.”

His smile grew even more before offering you his elbow. “Sounds like a plan.”

-

At first, Obi-Wan felt a slight bit awkward. The last time he had a girl in his room, that wasn’t his mother, was Satine. Nothing had happened between them other than simple conversations.

With you, he was a little nervous. He wanted a life with you. Unlike with Satine, he felt like he could see himself with you for the rest of his life. Every part of him was drawn to you in a way that he had never felt in his life.

As the time went on though with you helping him where you could, it felt just as natural as everything else. Obi-Wan could feel himself relax more and more as the time passed.

By the time he had finished, you were sitting at the foot of the bed. Despite his insistence, you refused to make yourself more comfortable further up the bed. Instead you stayed where you were, intently listening to his ramblings. Some were stories from your time apart, others were just simply him muttering his thoughts.

Nothing changed though. You sat and listened, occasionally chiming in at certain details.

Once Obi-Wan was done, he sat beside you. It didn’t take long to find your hand so that he could intertwine his fingers with yours.

“So,” he started, “did that take all the time we had or is there still time?”

You giggled as you leaned against his shoulder. “I’m sure we have some time. Besides, who says we can’t be fashionably late?”

Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows and tilted his head in curiosity. “Is there something your brilliant mind is working up?”

He watched as your cheeks flushed as you smiled coyly.

“Not really. But I did have an idea for after dinner.”

“And what might that be?”

You looked up at him, your cheeks burning an even darker shade than before. You opened your mouth to talk, but closed it before looking away again. It confused him.

“Darling?”

“Never mind,” you said quietly.

“If you think I would say no to whatever your plan is, I’m sure you’re wrong,” he said encouragingly. His free hand came up and turned your face towards him with his index. “What is it?”

When you stumbled over your words, he let his fingers trail along your jawline before cupping your cheek. It was a gesture to comfort you in your doubt, and it seemed to work. He could feel as the tension in your shoulders eased. Even the grip you had on his hand relaxed.

“I- I was thinking maybe… we could come back here after. Together,” you said. Quickly, you continue before he could react, “Not to do anything like, you know. Just to… sleep. And I was wondering if we could read that poetry book that we never finished that night because it was so beautiful and-”

Obi-Wan gently hushed you with a soft call of your name before you’d go into an endless ramble. “Yes,” he said in a breath. “Yes to all of it. Whatever you wish.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

He felt you relax further against him. Almost on instinct, he wrapped an arm around you to pull you closer, pressing a kiss against your temple.

“Now, shall we head down to the feast your mother has put together?”

Chuckling, you lightly pushed off of Obi-Wan to sit up. “Are you sure you’re ready? She never goes halfway with these sorts of things.”

“Always.”

-

“Ok, so I may have underestimated what Queen Breha had planned,” Obi-Wan said with a sheepish chuckle.

What your mother had planned had even surprised you. All of the servants had been dressed in their best. The dining table was set to feed three times the amount of your group. The seven of you hardly made a dent in it all.

When it came to decorations, you would’ve thought that you would’ve been serving every king and queen there was. Yes, you were a part of a royal family, but you had never dined in such a fancy setup. You had thought your normal setup was over the top, but you were dead wrong.

Even Obi-Wan had seemed overwhelmed by it all. The enthusiastic call from your brother had distracted both you and Obi-Wan from your surroundings.

Apparently, despite actually arriving in time, the two of you were the last to arrive. Everyone else greeted you enthusiastically when you sat down after Obi-Wan pulled out your chair.

Varlo didn’t though. Like he was earlier, he had seemed preoccupied. That kept up during the whole meal. You didn’t pay much mind to it as your parents, Anakin, and Padmé all started a conversation lasting the whole meal.

Once you were all stuffed to the brim, Varlo had left. He said that he had something to attend to, yet he wouldn’t say what.

For the rest of you, the conversations continued as the servants all cleared the table without incident. Even if there were, it wouldn’t be a huge deal. Most of them you knew quite well, and so did your mother. They were all good people who strove to do their best in their role. You always smiled whenever you heard how happy they really were.

“Even I underestimated what she would do,” you replied, squeezing his hand gently as you walked down the hall to the sitting room that contained the poetry book.

Normally, your arm would be linked with his, but you didn’t feel like being that formal. You guessed he felt that same as he reciprocated the action without any protest. If he had said anything about it, you were sure that it would only be about how his thoughts were going down the same path as yours.

When you had gotten to the room you needed, you told Obi-Wan to wait as you quickly ran in to grab the poetry book. After you did, you resumed your hand holding all the way to your room first to change and grab some things.

You had disappeared behind your changing screen as he observed your room. There wasn’t much in your room. A few books on the shelf beside your desk, the satchel which held all of his letters that sat on the floor still next to your desk, your bed, and your changing screen.

Everything was going well until you were unable to undo the back of your dress. No matter how hard you tried, each attempt was met by failure.

There was no other choice other than to ask Obi-Wan to help.

Stepping out from behind the screen, you saw him looking out of your window. He had one arm across his chest while his other elbow rested against it as he stroked his beard. It looked as if he was lost in thought only to briefly smile to himself.

“Obi,” you called out. You hated to break his train of thought, but the longer this took, the longer it would be until you could get on with the night’s plan.

He turned towards you, looking slightly confused when you were still in the same lavender dress as before.

“I can’t get it undone, and I… I was wondering if you could help,” you said as you looked at the floor. It felt strange asking this of him. At the same time, it thrilled you. Nervousness took over in the end.

Obi-Wan walked over to you, taking your hands in his. He gently squeezed them in a silent question asking you to look at him. “Only if you want me to.”

You nodded. With a comforting smile, he led you back behind your screen. Turning around for him, his hands worked on the ties at your back. Each lace up your back slowly loosened as he made his way up, letting his fingers graze against your back.

As he made his way up, you couldn’t stop the shiver that went through you as his hand ghosted the bare part of your back. When he was done, he placed his hands on your shoulders, finger slightly under the material of the dress.

The sensation was one you had never felt before as his hands began trailing outwards, bringing the fabric with it. A part of you wanted him to continue, but you knew it was better when he had paused his gentle caresses.

“I’m sorry. I- I’ll let you get changed.”

“It’s alright, Obi,” you said as you turned to face him. “And thank you.”

With a shy smile, he went back to the main area of your room. A part of you wished you could’ve continued, but now wasn’t the time for that. Hell, you hadn’t even kissed yet.

Either way, you pushed it aside as you finished getting ready. Your sleep gown was much more comfortable than your dress. You wondered what Obi-Wan would think of the light blue gown that flowed more and was far less constricting.

-

When you walked out after changing, Obi-Wan’s breath hitched for what felt like the hundredth time today. He knew night gowns were nothing special, but you just looked so… beautiful.

The simpleness of it caught his eye immediately. Yes, you looked amazing in all of your day gowns, but this was just a new level he didn’t know was possible.

He must’ve muttered something about it because your cheeks turned flushed as you took on a demure stance.

Finally gaining some sense, he cleared his throat before speaking, “Shall we continue the evening?”

You nodded, walking over to him before taking his hand to make your way to his room. Although it was no secret that the two of you were together, you had to make sure you weren’t seen. People would most likely assume that something other than what you truly were doing would be happening.

The only people that were told were Anakin and Padmé. They had told you that they would make sure that no one saw either of you. Specifically in the morning. The plan was that Anakin would make sure the hall was clear as Padmé would come get you and escort you to your room. Of everyone, they knew that Obi-Wan wouldn’t take advantage of you. Plus, with your friend knowing of the night you and Obi-Wan had first read this book, she was quick to believe your true plans.

Thankfully, the hall was clear all the way to his room.

Obi-Wan had removed his jacket rather quickly, exposing his white tunic that lay underneath. There was a small area where his chest was slightly exposed, revealing hairs there that matched the colour of his beard.

A small part of you wanted to have the kind of courage that he did and unlace the top of his tunic for him, to feel some of the skin on his chest. That courage wasn’t there. Not a single part of you could muster up the ability to ask, but you didn’t need to. Obi-Wan had caught the way you were looking at him.

Taking a few steps to close the distance between you, he took your hands in his.

“It’s alright,” he said, placing one of your hands on his chest near the ties. “You can if you want. You don’t have to.”

His voice was quiet and soothing. That courage you thought you would never have? It was there now, slowly crawling out as he encouraged you.

Along with his comforting words, you moved your fingers to where the lace laid. With a shakiness, you brought your other hand up to help undo the knot. Before you could start untying it, he placed his hand on top of yours, squeezing gently for comfort.

“Relax,” he whispered. “You don’t have to do this. Stop whenever you like.”

As he took his hand off of the two of yours, the final bit of courage filled you. Slowly, you untied the lace, loosening it until even more of his chest was exposed.

For a moment, you let your fingers graze over the exposed skin and hair. The golden curls on his chest made you smile as you briefly rubbed his chest.

This time, you gained even more confidence as you then let your hands glide down to his torso. Something in you wanted to see more, to feel more, but you weren’t sure if it was the best decision.

When your hands reached his waist, you stopped. Looking back into his eyes, nothing but warmth and sureness radiated from them.

“Go ahead. Like I said earlier, anything for you.”

You let out a shaky breath, gaining even more reassurance from Obi-Wan as you looked in his eyes. So, you let your hands clench the material of his shirt, pulling it up until he lifted his arms, letting the shirt fall to the ground.

You let your eyes explore the surface of his skin, noting every scar until you reached out to trace them all. He told you how many were from training, others from a battle years ago when a random group who wanted to dethrone his father attacked.

-

He worked hard to keep his breathing controlled as your hands explored the surface of his skin. Despite this, Obi-Wan knew that if you felt over his heart that you would be able to feel it racing.

As you traced over his scars, he couldn’t help but let his eyes fall closed. The thoughts that began to run through his mind were becoming intrusive. He didn’t want to rush into anything with you, though. What he didn’t want to do was scare you off and that meant having to keep this all under control.

Plus, he didn’t want to wreck your reputation. Something like this could ruin you, and that’s not what he wanted. You were doing so much good for your people. If they thought any less of you than they do now, he wouldn’t know how he would live with himself.

Instead, he closed his eyes so that he could quell the feeling of desire he felt for you. It was working too, until you reached his shoulders, trailing towards his collar bone.

Nothing could keep his breathing from picking up. The closer you came to his collarbone, the more he felt his want for you. But he wouldn’t let it happen. Not unless you wanted to, and you already had said that you wanted this to be purely just an innocent night. Just reading and sleeping.

So, he shifted slightly, taking a sharp intake of breath as your hand traced his collarbone.

-

This exploration lasted a few minutes as you looked over his freckles that were scattered across his shoulders. Obi-Wan took a deep breath as you traced his collar bone, shifting slightly.

“I-I’m sorry,” you said, pausing your exploration. “Did I go too far?”

“What? No, of course not,” he said quickly to reassure you. “No, it’s just… maybe we should read now.”

Nodding, you went over to the bed. Obi-Wan joined you not long after.

After getting settled under the sheets, the two of you went into a familiar position like the night in front of the fireplace. Only this time, you didn’t stay awake long, falling asleep against Obi-Wan’s bare chest.

Everything, his warmth, the sound of his voice, the comfort of the bed, it all made you drowsy. Obi-Wan noticed and encouraged you, “Go to sleep, my dear. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

- - -

@stardancerluv @where-fantasy-meets-reality @jaydenwoo @madmax2003 @mackycat11 @generousrunawaydonut @imabeautifulbutterfly @animalgirl05 @blondekel77 @thereluctantherosrose @cosmicsierra @badbatch-simp24

[stopeatingwhales]

second chance x damon albarn

i'm surprised i haven't written anything about dilf damon yet bc i've been so obsessed with him recently wtf. anyways enjoy x

i might do a second part to this, idk yet tho

Pairing: dilf damon x reader

Warnings: none :)

Word count: 2.786

Requested by anon <3

༉‧₊˚✧

“Do you want to come over?” I abruptly asked, the silence pouring through the line deafening my ears as my fingers toyed with the hem of my shirt. The desperation and moment that led to me ringing my ex-boyfriend at what was nearing eight in the evening seemed as though it was a fever dream, the words rolling off my tongue so delicately out of apprehension only a fragment of that trance. In all honesty, I had no idea as to why I rang Damon, or to what extent the string of thoughts guided me towards the action of calling - we had been broken up for around a year, and it came as a much larger shock that I was able to muster the amount of courage to tap his contact on my phone and attentively listen to the thunderous rings as the landlines attempted to connect, instead of quickly shutting the phone off before he was able to receive a missed call alert.

“Uh, um - are you sure?” he questioned, the stutter escaping his mouth insinuated that he was just as dazed at my sudden offer as me, the demeanour of his voice accentuating the idea that he was entirely finished with the ephemeral chapter of his life which had me intertwined inside as his partner; that he had gotten over me quicker than the momentary period our relationship lasted. My heart sank, realising how indigent I sounded, as if I had never gotten over him throughout our time apart - which I did, learning to live with myself was easier than I had thought it was going to be; the weeks leading up to the breakup stemming from the distance we shared apart due to Damon consistently being on tour and never providing enough time for me, for us, to consider one another as more than romantically acquainted, though that didn’t mean the gap in my heart had been sealed shut, it was simply brimmed with other, unspecial fragments of things which could only distract the thought of him for so long, until I’d discover myself adventuring for something else to hyperfixate my thoughts upon, though he always returned.

“Yeah…” My voice trailed off, so quiet that I struggled to sustain the volume. Though we had only just spoken, the trance that he had obtained over me for all those months we were with one accord, returned in an instant, having the same rush that a recollection of memories, pastimes that were once forgotten, crumbled to dust, had been reborn; ignited into a new bloom in the height of a harvest, resulting in the scolding of yourself upon how you granted the ability to forget such a thing. It seemed as if all those thoughts, ideations convinced to the point that I had gotten over him, were myriads of masks attempting to say it enough to believe it. Without a doubt, I had never overcome the strains of the acquaintance we shared - and I could only hope he felt the same way.

I heard his throat clear itself before his voice echoed through the telephone speakers once again. “Alright… I’ll be there in a bit.” he mumbled, those words bringing a soft, yet apprehensive grin to my lips. I had no idea what I was doing, or why, but it felt right.

It felt as if only the sum of a few minutes passed when I heard a distinguishable knock on the door; one that had not rang through my ears for an interminable amount of time, one that was able to send me months back in time to a period where he had significantly been a figurehead dictating the story. As I jolted up to answer the door, it felt as if things were normal again, back to how they used to be so many nights previous; me waiting for him to come home after he spent a long day at the recording studio, crafting what could only be assumed was the pure essence of talent, unlocking the door to allow my arms to envelop into an embrace cherished with affection and warmth, proving he longed to have my presence just as much as I craved his. Once my eyes met the sight of him, my heart dropped at the overwhelming feeling of my reminiscing about what once was, the nostalgia for a moment so authentically shaped with what could only be described as true love, my body yearning to relish in the sensation of his arms protectively wrapped around my body, a feeling which could only fulfill one’s heart with all that it desires. "Hi..." I trailed off, stunned by how similar, yet different his appearance was from when we last saw one another. His hair had the same shape, though it seemed a little shorter, his eyebags still prominent on his features, though it seemed as if they had sagged down slightly, posing the idea of whether he had been sleeping alright. His torso still adorned shirts with dark colours, amplified with one of his leather jackets which only made me more attracted to him. Widening the door, he set foot into the apartment, nodding his head lightly as a greeting. Although I was very elated to the fact that he was in my apartment, it felt eerie having him back here after so long, stepping foot into the space that was once served merely as a homely and secure space where we both could simply live and enjoy our time together, no distractions included.

Once I had followed him into the living space, he took a seat onto the couch facing the television. I attempted to make my footsteps omit as little noise as possible, as if to avoid damaging the awkward silence that had been shared between the pair of us. It went without saying that neither of us knew how to break the ice, or where this was going to head. One could only hope that the outcome of this meeting was positive. “Do you want something to drink?” I asked, ushering over to the cabinet adjacent to the television, supplied with all sorts of alcoholic beverages in which I had not touched, simply there as a point of manners to offer when somebody had come over. “White?” I offered, pulling out an almost-full bottle of white wine. I knew he hated it.

"You know I’ve always hated white." he mumbled, a small smile playing upon his lips. Something about that little grin plastered on his lips made my stomach flip and turn, welcoming a swarm of butterflies to accentuate the nervous pit that had formed within myself. The intense feelings reminded me of the same bewilderment your body undergoes during the first date; there is such a raw attraction to somebody that you know far too little about, but you are so hypnotised by their presence it is as if they’re the only thing in the world that matters, to the point that they obnoxiously overtake your mind, every little thought occupied with their name, wondering whether they may like such and such, like an infection spreading without you knowing such cure for it. The atmosphere was intense, carrying the same ambience of two strangers meeting for the first time in an isolated space, though there was also a refreshing element of familiarity that neither of us wanted to admit that we appreciated so deeply.

"Red?" I asked, snatching the half empty bottle as I placed the other wine bottle back in its designated place, turning my head back to fix my gaze onto Damon, raising my eyebrows as a form of derise for the drink. Nodding his head in response, I quickly took two glasses from the cabinet, brimming them both with the alcoholic liquid before slowly making my way to sit next to him on the sofa, handing him one of the glasses as he thanked me in response. The same devilish silence echoed in the room once again as we granted the situation to truly sink in - thankfully alcohol was present. As I took a sip of the beverage, I tried to gulp down as much liquid as possible before I spoke once again. "So... how have you been?"

"Good... Just came off tour actually. Was a really successful one." he replied, his voice laced with a slight tone of doubt, edging the regret of so eagerly returning back into a place that was once so attached to his occupancy. He carried on talking about how the tour had been, my head subconsciously nodding, attentive to what he was talking about. Each time he had told me about something new they had added, or something they had changed surrounding the live performance set-up, it never failed to blow me away. Him and Jamie together, working on such a creative idea and putting it to life on stage was truly something out of rare virtuosity, disregarding the lengthy old ramblings from Damon almost every night he had returned home about how much Jamie had pissed him off, having a petty argument as if it was a be or end all in their friendship. It was actually a good form of entertainment, seeing how riled up Damon had gotten simply because of something that Jamie joked in an interview.

Once he had finished talking, our eyes connected, uncertainty clouded in his eyes as he searched for the reason behind him needing to come over. "Y/N, why did you ask me to come over?" He said, abrupt, almost as if those words had been lingering at the back of his mind the entire time we had been in one another’s acquaintance; the ease of the sting of words rolling off his tongue softly implied that, perhaps a try to prevent the harshness of the asking from offending me in the slightest. "We haven't seen each other for a year, why now?"

Both gazes never dared to break contact as if we had attempted to communicate telepathically - the ideation of instigating a conversation as awkward as how this had become, the two of us simply wanting the ground to swallow us whole. His gaze had the ability to put me into a trance upon which I wouldn’t be able to think of anything else except for the utter magnificence that was birthed into his loving eyes. Inhaling sharply, I tried to collect the thoughts in my brain that had been travelling in all directions, searching for all sorts of different possibilities that the conversation could reach. "Can we give it a second chance?" I asked absentmindedly, the realisation of what had just rolled off my tongue not settling in my mind until his eyes widened, speechless and shocked at my sudden questioning.

Sighing, he cocked his head to the side. “Love, we didn't work out the first time..." he began, my heart dropping to my stomach as the thought of him breaking my heart again entered my mind. His expression quickly softened once he saw my face drain colour, explaining all that he needed to know about how I had coped since he had left the picture. "I don't want to hurt you again."

Breaking away from the stare, I gawked at the dark shades of red that had adorned the transparent glass clasped in my palm. Holding in my emotions wasn’t going to do me any justice, and since he was here, it would not make sense for me to stupidly avoid the whole reasoning behind me needing him inside my apartment after so long. “It’s been so hard trying to get over you,” I mumbled, my voice almost inaudible out of embarrassment, though I knew he could hear me. “I need you.”

What I didn’t see from my shameful gaze at the ground, was the miniscule beam that broke out across Damon’s features. What I was unaware of, my body encompassed in such a impotent state of pure isolation, was that Damon had been as dependent on hearing those words escaping my mouth before he could admit the same to himself. Though it had all been answered to me as he softly brought his arm to caress my arm, gently squeezing the skin as a form of reassurance, implying the notion that he understood, that he felt the same way, after all this time. We broke up not because we lost feelings, but because the emotions we carried for one another were too strong to handle, too intense to progress with, that when he was gone for those long hours it had left me in such a stupor of helplessness and melancholy that it was unbearable to handle without it tarnishing my health. Unsurprisingly, at this point we knew where the conversation was headed; my desires to be swathed in his arms once again that I had tried so hard to banish to the back of my mind, to the depths of my distant memories in which by reliving such a hug came flooding back, my body leaned into his touch almost instantaneously, a subconscious reflex that I had craved, such an embrace that no other person could give, the mere side hug from him was able to banish all the pain that I had tried so diligently to mask away for the past few months.

We sat there for a short while, taking in the moment as it had played throughout, our breathing syncing together as comfort relished in the atmosphere, our minds now finally at peace while all the conflict that had battled our minds over the time we weren’t together. "Let me come on tour with you." I said, my head resting against his shoulder.

A chuckle erupted out of his throat. “It’s not that easy love.”

"Why can't it be? You're literally the frontman!" I exclaimed, lifting my head off his shoulder to connect eyes with him. "Damon, it would be so fun!" I exclaimed, attempting to encourage him.

It was as if things had mended back together, all the cracks in the pavements had been glued together to mend the time lost, as if it had never occurred. Through all the hardship I had faced trying to find the remedy to my heartache, I was dumbfounded to realise that it had been sitting in front of me, at the top of my phone’s contact list, right in front of my eyes this entire time. His eyes were calling out to me, enveloping my heart in comfort and warmth, the hunger radiating out eager to the ideation of starting anew and preserving the time in which we had lost, building new memories, unfastening the lock on the clock dictating the length of the relationship, allowing it to elongate, carry on as long as we could. My heart brimmed with homeliness - the house I was inside finally feeling normal to me once again.

"I'll see what I can do," he grins, the beautiful sight causing a small smile to erupt on my face as my body melted back into his arms once again. "No promises though."

It felt nice to wake up next to someone again the next morning, on the mattress that once was a carcass of many tears of sadness and melancholy, authentically conveyed by the essence of nihilism embodied from isolation, the kind of philosophical beliefs one could only develop an understanding towards subsequent to irrational thinking as the hours fell still, leaving you sat there, reliving the last moments from your memory bank with the significant other you had soiled ends with, a person who had supported you from the very beginning, even when things formed a bitter congestion to the relationship devoured by both participants, perhaps from the acceleration of argumentation shared, or the distance that had started to weave its way between, leaving you both stranded to conclude, as if you were both on separate, desolate islands fighting against the starvation of progressing through your lives and starting anew, departing from the old knots and attachments formed once epitomising pure adoration and love, though over time spawning to be the offspring of the devil. A person whom you knew would make your bed every morning, cradle you in his arms at the darkest hours to baptise the negativity coiled in your brain, whispering what seems like sweet nothings, merely sounding like soft raspy groans due to them being exhausted out of their mind, but you knew they were saying something to you, you could hear it, acknowledge it in a language that nobody else was able to understand. I relished in concession that he who lay beside me was the one that bestowed and epitomised all the things that I once lacked a night before. A lover.

[epicene-humanoid]

some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times. 

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through). 

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

 and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode. 

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that. 

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous. 

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

[cyanide-latte]

Some Firestarter 2022 thoughts, now that I've had a chance to sleep on it. These will be largely positive points, I've not had many things crop up yet about the movie that bother me.

⚠️ ❗❗ SPOILERS BELOW ❗❗⚠️

Compared to the book and the original '84 movie adaptation, this movie is like a modernized version but on speedrun

The '84 movie is closer to the book in terms of following the plot structure and points, this film deviates quite a bit from that, mashing a few things together where convenient, removing some points entirely and condensing Charlie's power development down to a "training montage", but the heart of the story is still present in this adaptation

That being said I think this movie handled the portrayal of the various powers far better

I have issues with the modernization and that's probably my biggest complaint since the original book and the MKULTRA experiments are contextually crucial to the original time period

Might have worked if Vicky and Andy were portrayed older but they were like in their mid-30s so it doesn't really work

Kind of wish we'd gotten more of an explanation there or something because even saying that it was an attempt at reviving the MKULTRA projects would have been SOMETHING

The decision to make Cap Hollister a woman was an interesting one and I think, given how crunched for time the story got in its allotted hour and a half, it did make it smoother or more believable for the character's beliefs, motivations and attempts to connect with Charlie

Zefron did well as Andy McGee, I really enjoyed seeing him in the role

Was a little bothered and heartbroken to see Andy use the push on Charlie, but I figured that was going to be inevitable after the second time the character stated he'd never choose to use the push on his kid

Would have liked to see more of the echo and ricochet effects of the push, especially since Andy mentioned that he has no idea how much his powers might fuck up someone else's brain, but meh

While I feel like we missed out on seeing the uniqueness of Andy and Vicky's relationship, I do enjoy seeing Vicky actually get impactful and significant screentime, as well as seeing her actually use her TK in self-defense

A cat dies, and you can tell from the build-up that it's going to happen but it still wasn't great to see

On that note, there's a fair amount of grisly wounds we see in this movie, including the kid from the Lot Six experiments who gored out his own eyes

Not sure what was going on with the characters who were supposed to be versions of the Manders and idk how I feel about that

This version of Charlie is somewhat older, far darker and angrier compared to the book and OG film, but it fits with the rest of the movie and leans more into Dr. Wanless's suppositions of how Charlie is becoming a young woman and thusly, her powers are growing into something even more fearsome

There's implications that both Vicky and Andy had some psychic experiences prior to being tested on with Lot Six, suggesting Andy has always had some low-level precognition and clairvoyance

This movie showcases not just Charlie's pyrokinesis but also her TK, low-level TP, clairvoyance, and warning precognition

It also has her inherit the push from Andy, which seems a bit odd, but I can dig it

A good chunk of the rising action showcases Charlie on her own, setting out to infiltrate the Shop(?) and save her dad, and while there's an argument that this breaks suspension of disbelief, I feel like it's not a bad way of showcasing just how drastically everyone continues to underestimate Charlie

John and Cody Carpenter were both involved in the music for the movie, which was super cool (especially when you consider John was originally tapped to direct the '84 movie but ultimately didn't due to circumstances,) and a lot of the scoring feels close to that for Halloween 2018 without being too interchangeable

And now this brings me to the biggest, most vital change this movie did to the story

... *inhales*

JOHN RAINBIRD

I've always been highly uncomfortable with the way this character was handled in the '84 movie and especially in the book

The way Rainbird is handled in this movie is drastically different to both and I actually prefer this version of the character, hands-down, no contest

Michael Greyeyes was perfect for the role

Rainbird is a very sympathetic character in this film and it's made clear the Shop used and abused him in the past and this time is no different

The most fascinating change I wish we could have seen more of is the fact he mentions to Vicky that there were "lab rats" that the Lot Six compound was tested on prior to the college co-eds, like they had both control and variable groups to test

The mentions of people being tested against their will is hefty enough but there is a subtextual suggestion in the way he talks about it to imply that missing indigenous people were used as those "lab rats" and that hit like a fucking gut punch

It really doubles down on the fact of the Shop using and abusing Rainbird, as well as the organization's corruption and Dr. Wanless's regret and self-loathing over everything to do with the Lot Six experiments

Rainbird appears to be telepathic, and perhaps an incredibly powerful one at that? I really like this concept and the way it plays into his character's complexity in regards to his feelings towards the Shop, the McGees and especially his interactions with Charlie

The climatic moment of the film where he offers himself in quiet surrender to a rampaging Charlie and she chooses to spare him was easily one of my favorite moments

And the silent sort of understanding and communication that passes between them in that moment and the final scene as he picks up an exhausted Charlie and carries her away from the devastation she's wrought honestly works so much better for the fact that it IS silent. Nothing else is needed. I love that~

All in all, I was excited for this movie but somehow kept my expectations low enough that I wound up enjoying it immensely. Again, it's wildly different in many ways to the book and to the '84 adaptation, but I think it really does keep a lot of the core of the story there and for the most part I either enjoyed or didn't mind the changes. Wish I could have seen it in theaters for the opening weekend but this was a long work weekend, so I watched it with the spouse last night after work via Peacock. I do highly recommend giving it a chance.

[lilsuzn]

MLQC Lucien - NSFW abc headcanons

Sorry I was gone for so long. I was busy doing hot girl shit.

Fandom: Mr. Love: Queen's Choice

Warnings: S.M.U.T.  (the reader is gender neutral, but I quote Lucien’s “silly girl” at one point so idk)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

It’s probably because of this relationship you two have. One that Lucien thought he could never have.

Frankly, he didn’t really want one. Even with you.

But it was impossible to stop himself from jumping into that rabbit whole.

You are not even a human for him. You are far superior.

A goddess.

A greater being that must be worshiped. Cherished. LOVED THOROUGHLY and Lucien can't stop himself from doing all that.

He would help you clean up with so much care. Hold you like he’s about to lose you. Wisper praises and declarations of love into your ear.

Prefers to stay in bed, but wouldn’t mind to do it in a bath either.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He never really gave it much thought, but if you’d ask him, he would probably say - his neck.

Because he noticed how much attention you give it. That given a choice you would always kiss and bite on the neck.

And the unreformable tease he is - he loves your ears.

The way you twitch and squirm when he licks the or softly blows around them. The way you flush when he leans in to whisper directly to it.

All those small reactions get his blood pumping.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

A big fan of cuming onto you.

Your ass is his staple favorite, but chest, stomach, back or… basically anywhere else is not bad at all either.

If he ever comes inside you without a condom… and gets to see his seed dripping out of you… IT’S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE FOR HIM.

Nothing can beat the look of his seed spilled on your pretty butt, BUT… damn that’s a nice sight.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He doesn’t believe that some deeds can be dirty or naughty.

He's a scientist. Explorer of human's brain. He knows that every single of those is a normal, human thing.

But given that we all know what is this question all about…

Lucien really liked to draw when he was a kid and he still does it from time to time.

And what else could he sketch in his free time if not the most beautiful creation of this world? You. Naked.

He has countless amounts of those at this point. Every part of you has a separate piece. He likes to go through them from time to time.

Meaning every day when you're not around.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Lucien is not a virgin but he had never been in a real relationship before you.

He had some one night stands. A few booty call relationships, but he had never been with someone the way he is with you.

So you were still a challenge, because he could not allow himself any shortcomings when it came to you.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

That’s a spoiler for the future, but Lucien is more than willing to try everything and he doesn’t really feel any special bond with a particular position.

However he does have a particular group and if you remember what I said in C above, you know where I’m going.

From behind. Seeing your butt shake. He’s an ass man. (would love to try anal if you’d show an intrest in that)

Major bonus points if you turn your head to the side and look at him. With your lovely, beautiful face that he loves oh so much.

He instantly speeds up to the point that no man should ever reach and will happily carry you around for a day or two - you’ll need it.

Because after that there could never be only one round. Or even two or three.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

I wouldn’t call it goofy.

It’s very intense. Almost in a spiritual sense.

For Lucien sex is a metter of high importance. There’s no room for fooling around.

He needs to focus, so afterwards you’re completely spent, blissed and fucked to the point where you could never enjoy sex with any other man.

Toxic trait of this cutesy otome boy - possessiveness, and although he won’t try to control what and with who you do... 

(the man has some dignity and respect for your autonomy)

He will make sure you won’t be able to forget who makes you feel so f*in' good and being ‘goofy’ won’t make the statement.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

I think Lucien would be somewhat groomed, but not bold.

Shaving just isn’t natural and therefore necessarily good for one’s body.

Therefore, if you shave he might try to convince you to stop.

I want to touch a woman, not a girl - he would say.

Carpet matches the drapes (however I like to think that Lucien has ginger pubes dontjudgeme)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Said first in A, now will be more specific.

With Lucien sex is some kind of a ritual of worship.

It’s a sacrifice for his goddess. His energy, his time, his most attentive care.

Love beams from his eyes even stronger than light does from the sun.

The foreplay will be elongated. You need to come at least twice before he enters you (see T).

During he roams your body with his hands. Boldly, but not aggressively… unless you’d like it.

Afterwards… well, just read A again.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He’s a very busy man, so he doesn’t get many chances, but…

When he can he’s right at it… thinking of that pretty ass of yours.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Lucien is quite kinky.

He's in for anything that doesn’t go under N conditions. Anything. 

Likes bondage. No. He loves it. On you. And blindfolds.

SPANKING.

DOM BOY, but wouldn’t mind to go sub from time to time for you.

You want you to submit thoroughly, so he can thoroughly please you. Give you all that can be given.

Lives for roleplaying.

He also is really into body worship. He will praise you to the point of incredibility. 

See T gir. It’s really an intense game.

Lives to hear you beg for him.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He likes to be in a private, comfortable place, when he doesn’t have to worry about any interruptions or other inconveniences.

Best in your or his place.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

First of all he really needs no convincing.

BUT.

The beast is awake momentarily when you wear his clothes. Like his sweater when you're cold. Or a shirt after a passionate night.

"You make a very nice sight indeed."

Other thing is lingerie. He likes it dark and erotic. Satin and straps. Maybe some nice, sheer mesh.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

No humiliating one another.

Nothing that even comes close to making you feel like he might have attempted to disrespect you.

Also - no outsiders.

And no hiding one another's fantasies. He’s there to please and satisfy you. Don’t take it away from him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Eghem.

Can you stay up all night

Fuck me till the daylight 

34+35

If you don't get it yet, it means he wants to 69 with you.

All night. Every night.

The taste of you in his mouth is heavenly.

The feeling and sight of your mouth enveloping his groin is pure ecstasy.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He doesn’t have much of a fav.

It all depends on his mood.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Meh...

It’s not like an unacceptable option, but he prefers delayed gratification.

Will agree if you insist, but won’t ever offer.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

OF COURSE. YES. PLEASE.

Why would he ever limit himself to known and obvious, when there might be something far, far superior to what both of you already know.

He enjoys erotic literature. Sometimes reads online articles about interesting positions, toys or new ways to make you come harder and faster.

Won’t shy away from many things. Just remember about what I said in N.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

This man rarely sleeps. Rarely even rests.

This man is a rabbit.

It's more likely you will pass out of exhaustion then that he will take a break from fucking you. Weather it's with his hands, dick, lips or… other things. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Speaking of other things.

And fucking.

Lucien invested in a nice collection for the two of you. Vibrators. Rings. Suckers.

He likes to please you in every way he can. 

While the toys take care of you, you suck onto him.

Sometimes you just embrace yourself as the toys take care of your needs. And you go like this for hours. Until you can't take it anymore.

And let's not forget the bondage equipment. Ropes, handcuffs, blindfolds, gags, whips….

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Obvi. What did you expect?

A lot.

For hours.

Until all you’re able to say is “Lucien” and “Please”.

Edging is not negotiable. Happens every time. Often to the point when you come so fast and unexpectedly he just couldn’t stop on time.

Will talk dirty to your ear in public to then “accidently” stroke your nipple or if he feels particularly bold that day - your crotch.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not shy at all. No shame.

Will moan, groan, pant and hiss all he wants and as loudly as he wants.

Let the neighbors hear. Why would he feel ashamed of fucking you?

LOVES when you do the same.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He would love to take you for a weekend trip. In the mountains. Renting a nice cottage.

Necessarily with a fireplace. And a jacuzzi.

He would have it decorated with many, many gleaming candles. Set all around the cottage.

The soothing music would play.

His fingers would play with your sex while you soak yourselfs in the jacuzzi.

Then he would lay you on a soft carpet in front of the fireplace and make love to you. True, unmistakable love.

It would be a trip to remember for the rest of your lives.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

First off all, see this meme.

He just emanuates that massive dick energy. That’s just facts. No one in the bunch can relate. I’m sorry stans of the other 4, it’s not my fault, don’t @ me.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

High. Very high sometimes.

Okay - usually very high, sometimes extremely high.

All nighters will happen at least once a week unless one of you really has a tough week or just had one and still tries to get everything together.

Otherwise no mercy. His lover needs to have all her needs fulfilled. Lucien would never allow you to walk around hungry or cold. Why would he let you be unsatisfied in this category, silly girl?

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Not right away for sure. 

He wants to watch you fall asleep. And then see those cutest expressions you make in your slumber.

Sometimes he just grabs a book and holds your hand until you wake up.

Other times he isn't able to resist it and falls asleep. You in his arms. His world at peace.