#i was fine with them knowing it theoretically
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genuinely not quite sure why i am so deeply uncomfortable when it comes to telling ppl abt my personal/romantic life. like i want them to know but i also don’t like admitting to anyone out loud that i have emotions, feelings, and/or relations resembling anything beyond superficial interest. i mean jesus. how cringe. they should just intuit it all psychically or something so they can know without me ever having to bring it up myself
#like i’ve always been like this i didn’t tell my parents that i was dating my hs girlfriend for months#not bc i was scared of what they would say. i knew they’d take it fine. they knew i was gay and they knew i was close friends w her#but the thought of having to confess to my parents that i had romantic feelings for someone. and that she had romantic feelings for me.#that thought? EXCRUCIATING. MORTIFYING.#i was fine with them knowing it theoretically#but i just could not bring myself to admit to them face to face. UNPROMPTED. that i was dating somebody.#i ended up texting them as CASUALLY AS POSSIBLE in the family gc a like 12 in the morning#like hey btw just a heads up me and [girl] are dating okay bye#like lmaaooo they probably don’t even REMEMBER this now but i vividly remember drafting that text at the time like jesusss chriiiiiissstttt#but that was also true for my best friend i didn’t tell HER i was dating my gf for a while TOO and i don’t think i actually told any of our#friends just let them learn via osmosis and that was great that was ideal#i just don’t feel comfortable talking about myself to other people at all like in person#obviously writing it all out is fine like i’m sharing this on my blog bc again I don’t mind people knowing stuff#i just don’t like having a one on one conversation with anybody about any facet of my identity feelings personhood at all#and again i don’t know why that’s true. it’s kinda funny. it’s also something i’m gonna have to just suck up and take like sorry kid#welcome to the mortifying ordeal of being known#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#anyways lmao i was just thinking about that again bc. well for obvious reasons but also because it happened during pride month LMAO#and looking up pride events near me this evening reminded me of that specifically#man#i guess i haven’t changed at all since i was 16 lol#better taste in people now though i think#cest la vie and all that
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Hi do you like images. I love images. Heres a little over 100 guilty gear trading cards from the early 2000s. Every character up to xx is accounted for… some more than others. For now. But the average is probably 4 or 5 cards per character. Nearly all of the art is original. Okay have fun :)
#i hope anyone thinks this is as neat as i do.#oh yeah! also scanned the booklet. a little messy but its fine. so theoretically you could learn how to play. if you can read japanese#i tried not to let my perfectionism consume me too much with this. but know if anything looks off hmm 90% chance its the card's fault.#some arent in the best condition and the printing isnt the best to begin with on some of em. but i tried to pick out the best when i could#theres only 1 zappa and robo-ky. very sorry.#complete coincidence that testament has the most cards… well tied with dizzy. and they arent even on 2 of them so dizzy wins actually.#ill probably keep lookin for more cards but i should ummm. pace myself. smile.#the kat goes meow#guilty gear#gg#show up in the main tag... please
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I can't believe people are still on 'He is not a kid, he just looks and acts like one'. As if on it's own it's not enough. He acts like he knows what he is doing? Kids are not brainless.
And with him being cosmic being that live 'long' so the aging process will not be human/witch like, and with the show stating and portraying multiple times that they are a child... Having a one eighty on him in the last final episode and making him an adult would be too weird after all of this.
Collector is not even a full villain, but an antagonist, a very powerful one, but still. Villain spot still belongs to Belos.
#the owl house#toh#the collector#toh spoilers#the collector is being made as a parallel to king with two god kids#and he is a foil to luz#and luz already has a foil of an old man who did not grow up#there is no time for such a twist that changes character#not adds on him#even as a shadow there was something to them#that when their form was revealed it just clicked in the right place#like yeah THEORETICALLY they can still turn out to be an adult#i cant stop dana its her character#and i would be a clown arguing#but this will be a character assassination for me#like i wont even care if i was right or wrong ill just give up on the show completely#i get wanting one thing from a character but getting another#i know this pain#and when your hcs dont go against canon its totally fine to keep going#but when its not its not#its time to stop XD
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i think about the fact that Nico’s powers randomly include temperature control way too much. he can make stuff cold! and is apparently immune to cold himself, at least to some degree! why? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯probably ghost reasons! even though it is not inherently tied to ghosts at all and he can just Do That!
#pjo#riordanverse#nico di angelo#its probably ghost reasons for the whole ''oh ghosts are cold'' and ''ghosts make enviornments color'' thing#the other theoretical reason is ''something something mythology'' cause yknow. the whole myth of how the seasons happened#but based on that alone then Nico shouldnt necessarily have that power?#itd be more of a cabin 4 thing#idk i just like his weird cold powers. theyre so random. he is immune to cold and can drop the temperature around him. good for you bud.#it's fun to mess around with too cause Nico is basically completely unaware of it#he just does it by accident like his killing grass thing#''Nico why is there frost everywhere and its below freezing all of a sudden?'' ''oh sorry i thought i saw a bug''#my favorite part though is the temperature powers thing seems to not be inherently tied to nico himself just naturally running cold#though it could probably affect that as well. nico naturally running cold is most likely his vitals run slower than most people's#cause we know he can control that re: Death Trance#which is another interesting thing. Nico can control his vitals! he can just go ''im gonna take five on MY HEART FUNCTIONING real quick brb'#Nico's bleeding out? no problem! just. turns off his heart. crank that puppy down a bit. cant bleed out if the blood's not moving!#this could also be why he passes out so much. his powers make his blood pressure inherently low and then uses them more. whoops. hes asleep.#i do v much like the hc that Nico just. cannot perceive external temperature. he's just always A Little Chilly cause of his powers#doesnt matter what the actual temperature is. he'll be fine. just also Slightly Cold thus Always Needs Layers
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i do not have professional shoes .
#UH OH turns out i actually have to interview for the new job. and its tomorrow!#i do have like. dress shoes like small heels. is that too much?#are vans too casual?#I DON'T KNOWWWW.#my go-to in years past has been black ankle boots which like sure i guess. but theyre a pain to walk in#oh well i did wear them when i stood for the entire duration of a concert last year so#i guess the ankle boots straddle the line between fancy and casual. kinda#now i just have to figure out what else to wear.#i can go with my everyday work pants even though they got some coffee spilled on them today 🙃#but it doesn't show so we're fine. theoretically#shirt? fuck if i know. oh wait maybe the black bow blouse. i guess#my other blouses are too swag for a job interview#blazer??? or no blazer??#these are the questions plaguing us today. see if i have a black blouse and black blazer n pants thats too much black#but i don't have a non-black blouse/shirt thats like. professional enough#maybe no blazer. i guess#oh piss i dont have a printed copy of my updated resume. i guess ill be fine#anyway. job fun
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i am once again. thinking abt my ocs. and drowning.
#rai.txt#jdhsjdbdjd this is like stupid.#idk i just think. cas and ro should get into a situation#theyte underwater theyre trapped! oh no!#cas is. fine. duuh. part fish. but. ro is. Struggling.#cas doesnt know what to do or how to help and just holds onto ro so that the two of them stay close together. but feels utterly useless#and helpless.#theres literslly nothing they can do. they are just there. fine. as their boyfriend is suffering and dying.#tfw ur bf dies in the water. the water which has been your home for lost of youre life. the water which kept you safe and looked after you.#the water. who has now taken away the first person you chose in your life.#<- kone of this is canon ro doesnt die but like. Theoretically. itd be so fucked.
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had to bring my african fat-tailed gecko to the vet (this is my first time at this clinic because my old exotic vet left the practice), and the doctor gave me a care sheet about leopard geckos and I ???? they do look very similar and have similar husbandry in some ways but AFTs are from Madagascar… where it is humid… and leopard geckos (which I also have) are from like Iran and Afghanistan… where it is decidedly not humid. and he was talking to me about keeping humidity down and???? again??? he’s from the rainforest??? 😭 I think this man doesn’t realize this is an AFT he’s looking at, not a leopard gecko and I’m ???
#it’s mostly fine bc I’m here bc he has stomatitis and they’re gonna get him on meds and it should clear up#so I’m not really here for husbandry advice#but it doesn’t necessarily instill confidence in this man when he seems not to know what kind of animal he’s looking at#and to be clear when I made this appointment I definitely told them what species he is#so theoretically should it not be in his file???#why must it be so hard to find an exotic vet who knows what the fuck they’re talking about 😭#this is not the first time I have had an experience like this :/#african fat tails aren’t even uncommon as pets!!#I’ve had/have WAY more ‘exotic’ species than this 😭#I had to pay this man $86#ked rambles
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Are all dudes who are both history and economics nerds just. Like That (derogatory).
#fweeet#like just saying the vibes of theoretical peiple like that are already off#but now that ive actually met one (and have been stuck with him for months in the same classroom😭) i can officially say#HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHY IS HE LIKE THAT#like you know the type of people who dont actually do asshole-ish stuff#like by all social means from the outside theyre perfectly fine#BUT SOMETHING ABOUT TALKING WITH THEM IS SO MENTALLY DRAINING#LIKE WHY DOES HE TALK LIKE HES ALWAYS DEBATING OR ARGUING WITH YOU 24/7#ITS NOT AGGRESSIVE OR SOMETHING THERES SOEMTHING IN HIS TONE OR SHIT THAT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE A CHILD BEING BABYTALKED BY HIM#literally those type of assholes who are normal until you talk to them and you realise this fucker thinks hes superior than you 😭#BITCH ONE OF US IS THE ONE WHO FLUNKED ECONOMICS AFTER BEING SO CONFIDENT IN ACING IT AND ITS NOT ME#AFTER EVEY MATH TEST HELL COME AND DISCUSS (READ: ARGUE) ANSWERS WITH ME AND ALMOST EVERY TIME HELL CONFIDENTLY TELL ME THE WRONG ANSWERS#AND HE STILL TALKS LIKE HES BETTER THAN THE REST OF US#AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER ONE OF US SLAMS THE DOOR CAUSE THEY THINK ITS COOL AND TIES SHOELACES BY STEPPING ON OTHER PEOPLES TABLES#AND THAT MOTHERFUCKER IS NOT ME#history classmates have also told me he has an odd fascination on nazis out of all fucking things and OH LOOK AT HOW SURPRISED I AM#THE ASSHOLE THINKS NAZIS ARE COOL. WHAT A SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT.
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had a really good night. feeling a little bit sick to my stomach but what can you do
#met seth from poolboy again today!! twice if you count each occurrence how i did the first time#so i’ve seen poolboy twice and theoretically met seth five times. i mean that’s how many conversations i had so. pretty fucking awesome#however i feel a little bit ill. cause of listening to my recording and hearing how awfully annoying i am#the keyboardists fiancé was actually standing right in front of us and so after the show he talked to us#cause me and my two friends who were there we were singing along to all the songs and poolboy is not a very famous band#so after the set was done the guy was like asking us questions and then he’s like yeah i’m actually engaged to jp from poolboy#and anyway that was really really cool in the moment. i just feel a little bit ill hearing myself talk to him?#like ‘poolboy is my fAvorite band .. ‘ ‘..my favorite song of theirs tOtal is corrections’#i dont know. i think i’m just dysphoric and autistic so i have to feel bad about conversations when i have them recorded#but. um. i met jp dreblow’s fiancé that’s Pretty Cool. and i talked to seth and he gave me a free CD!!!!#cause i only had a $20 or a $5 and it was $10 and they didn’t have change and so he said it’s fine just take it for free!!!!#this was after i told him that they’re my favorite band and the absolute coolest and that we had seen them before back in january#and all of that. and i did meet him three times that day (shdhdf it’s a silly way to count it) but also got his autograph so. i’m really#lucking out with these interactions. secret to a dream life: have the most random guys who live in your state be your favorite band#it can’t go wrong. these guys are absolutely incredible and i have had so many random opportunities to say hi and be really excited#anyways i have a year of the weasel vinyl from the january show (with autograph) and a good orchard CD from today (free and with lyrics)#and i got a photo with seth today. i’m pretty sure what i said was ‘could i get a photo with you if that’s normal?’ and he said yeah sure#i feel like my relationship with poolboy is like. the opposite of a parasocial relationship. or like the most amplified version of that#cause i think of them as super cool unattainable celebrities but it’s like. some guy with a masters in library science who i’m probably the#first person to have asked for an autograph or a photo or anything like that. but see there’s the funny thing is that it’s both kinds of it#on the one hand i think of them as fancy fancy when they’re just some guys. but i also think of myself as The Only Poolboy Superfan which is#not necessarily true. who knows really. but they’re sure pretty freaking awesome and i sure got to see them today!!!!#anyway i’m real tired but i was really happy to see poolboy today. even though i feel a little bit sick about how i speak and sound#cause that’s not going to change. and it’s not like anyone said anything about it so i can assume they didn’t notice#i just have this creeping feeling at all times that everyone i meet is just treating me nice cause i’m too obviously autistic#like they hear what i say and they hate me and they judge me but they say well clearly something’s wrong with this kid so i’ll let it slide#but hey. some people love me. so hopefully your average stranger doesn’t hate me as much as i’m scared they might. i sure hope they don’t#anyway i had a good night it was really good i’m just being me a little bit. i hope everyone is well i’m about to go to sleep#friends only#i’ll be around in the morning this is my last tag i love you all very much and see you tomorrow goodnight
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I’m having too many Feelings™ about Noir again, this time specifically about how no “Sympathetic and Well-Intentioned Tragic Villain” in any other piece of media will ever be done as successfully and effectively as Altena.
#like. there are SO many Overarching Villains of a work that the creator(s) will try to make me sympathize with and it just. does NOT hit.#and there are so many instances in other works of trying to convince me that 'oh their villainy is an outgrowth of a wider problem' and#'they truly think they're the Good Guy here' and so few of them EVER manage to actually do that#but ALTENA?? yes. I 100% believe her conviction to her cause is real. I 100% believe that in a different world she could have just been#a regular woman who went about living her life with a relative degree of adjustment#and she's willing to put her money where her mouth is!! if she needs to die for her cause she will!!! if what it takes for The Plan to work#is for her to suffer the consequences that all her detractors/potential enemies do then fine!! there's no special exception for her here!!!!#and most importantly I 100% believe that what she does IS out of a genuine belief that this is what is best for the world.#she's not using that as an excuse to just do whatever she wants. she's not using a theoretical noble ideology to hide behind in order to#convince herself that she serves a higher purpose. she's not using her cause as a cover THIS IS TRULY WHAT SHE WANTS FOR THE WORLD AT LARGE#THIS is (to her) the way to prevent what happened to her from happening to anyone else. THIS is the way to solve the world's lack of#accountability. THIS is the way to put the maximum amount of good back into the world.#EVERYONE needs to be judged according to an immutable standard INCLUDING HER. and SHE CANNOT BE THE ONE CREATING THAT STANDARD.#IT HAS TO COME FROM SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS NOT OVERLY-BIASED ON ACCOUNT OF WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM LIKE SHE IS.#THERE IS NO DIVINE JUSTICE THERE IS NO JUSTICE AT ALL SO SHE HAS TO DO HER PART IN CREATING IT BUT THE DISPENSE OF THAT JUSTICE /CANNOT COME#FROM HER/ SHE /KNOWS/ THAT. SHE'S NOT AFRAID TO RECOGNIZE THAT.#UGH MY /GOD/ THERE IS NO STORY LIKE THIS EVERYONE GO WATCH NOIR#altena#the light of my life <3#there will never be another <3 <3#noir 2001
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Today in "so Mads was actually a fucking idiot the entire time and nobody warned her about it," I have come to realize that unlike what I thought was the case, if you anonymize a work, it doesn't show that fandom in your list of works. Which is why I chose to orphan my works instead of anonymize them since I was under the impression from what I read that your fandoms would still show up in the list.
So I could've just anonymized them instead of orphaning them.
Great.
I'm going to go walk into the ocean does anyone need anything?
#personal#to be honest I'm shocked by how upset I am#when I thought orphaning was literally the only choice I was fine with it#but now that I'm like oh anonymous WOULD have actually worked#I'm crying about it#(these were not quality fics guys do not stand at their graves and cry)#it's not that I didn't have a fondness for them#it was just that I was sick of seeing them when I logged on#and sick of knowing people would see them when they logged on as well#I could theoretically re-post them all to Ao3 and anonymize them#but then there'd be two copies of the fics on Ao3 for no goddamn reason#anyway I'm blaming period hormones for the tears
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goddamn i gotta figure out what the hell my horrortale self insert does in the underground. i know everything about their life before that and HOW they get there but i have no idea what the fuck they do once theyre actually DOWN there
also i ran out of tags im saying this here as an addition so you know why they just sorta end abruptly. lol. everyone say thank you to my habit of talking in the tags cause i dont want people to see the shit i say
#cherry chats#i wrote down all their rich lore i dont think i ever posted it and i doubt i ever will#not cause i dont wanna in fact its the opposite but itd basically be a huge trauma dump and theres not a person on earth whod wana hear that#and i also wouldnt wanna subject anyone to that cause its not really their problem lol#not that i mind talking about it or whatever. but still itd put whoever this theoretical person im tellin it to in an uncomfortable position#so eh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ bottom line is evil shit hospital -> escapes and is chased up the mountain -> jumps down a big hole lawl#but anyway i have no idea what the fuck they do once theyre down there#i mightve said this already but theyre really resilient towards the conditions down there? theyve never eaten real food and they dont feel#hunger (arfid yo 👍) so if you tried to give them proper food theyd be like. i dont know what to do with this ?#and theyre used to the cold cause of how shit that goddamn hospital was so even when theyre going through snowdin barefoot theyre like.#ok this is fine ^_^#theyre also used to physical pain and also theyre on 800 different messed up meds so if they get hurt that hardly bothers them#its like. a numb sort of pain. like the phantom pains you get when you get injured or killed in a dream#they also think sans is really funny even when he tries to get under their skin with morbid humor#their whole existence is basically morbid so theyre just like hehehe ^_^ your funny#BUT NONE OF THAT EXPLAINS WHAT THE HELL THEY DO IN THE UNDERGROUND!!!!!!!!!#i guess for starters theres no way theyd ever wanna go BACK to the surface so jot that down#i guess. maybe since they wouldnt have access to the medication and drugs theyre always on theyd change?#i think theyd go from a foggy detached empty dissociative state to being actually AWARE for once#after theyve been there for a little while maybe theyd even start. brace yourselves. FEEL things#like uh. emotions. and stuff like that#so instead of an empty miserable shell theyd be able to experience excitement or curiosity. or the human emotion called friendship#do they……… live with sans and papyrus? thatd make the most sense i guess#also thats the only place theyd be safe from being eaten alive lol#i guess they could live with toriel? maybe they go back to the ruins after theyve escaped#but then they couldnt hang out with sans and papyrus as much. and thats lame#maybe they live with the skelebros under the guise of being some sort of weird. pet or something#ummm. nah……. thats weird#ok so i guess i dont know what the hell my self insert does in the underground only how they change when they grt there. whatever#its not like im a WRITER. i dont know all this stuff what do you thinj i am omniscient????
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Huwah~
I don't like that it's so difficult to find out who exactly has retweeted my posts.
I don't even get a notif if someone leaves a reply. I feel like that website is basically useless to me.
Edit: Resolved. I'm just a moron, but I'll keep this post up in case I forget how to do this again.
#am i too used to tumblr?#i just found out incidentally that a certain person retweeted my flirt comic#is there really not an easy way that I can find out who exactly is interacting with my posts??#is twitter just not the kind of site where people care about that kinda thing??#or do i just not know where to find it.#'cus i don't see it in the analytics#like it's fine if I can't find out every person who *sees* the post#i don't need granular info like that#but i'd at least like to know who likes them enough to share them#i only get notifs when mutuals do it#(Thanks Lex >3<)#and even then i'm not sure if it shows me all of them~#the only real upside i have is that twitter has a more global audience#so my reach is theoretically a little broader#especially since I actually take the time to add alt text to my comics#so they can be machine translated into any language#because at the end of the day the purpose of my work#(for the most part)#is to bring joy#so if more people can see it and it can make those people happy the better#but what i want in return is to at least know who was 'moved' by my silly drawings#ya know?#it means nothing to me if i don't know who is being affected by my work#even if it's just something small like 'that made me smile for 2 seconds'#the number by itself is meaningless to me#i feel like this isn't the first time i've made a post like this#if there's a way to find this info#someone PLEASE tell me
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.
#SO funny thing#last year around this time i signed up for classes to catch up with my education#and i signed up for a very basic class because i assumed that degree is needed as a requirement to take higher education classes#as therapists and people at the job center continuously let me know wherever i went#well turns OUT they were wrong#i could've just signed up for the higher degree one that i was working towards when i was younger nbd and i could have spent#the past 6 months on studying THAT#anyway today i called the college and asked if i can sign up for the next one and they told me i theoretically could but it'll start#in NOVEMBER 2024 and that's ages away#but they have ongoing classes rn and maybe i can switch to just attending those#which sounds fine up until my mental health and the fact that i'm doing this with the help of therapists and counsellors come into the#equation#see those classes are from mon-fri#and my current ones only twice a week which we all agreed on was the most i can do at the moment without sliding into another#burnout type of situation#SO the tl;dr of this is i could attend the higher education classes nbd but they are likely to stomp my mental health entirely back into#the ground and i am very likely not gonna be able to finish them if they do which means i would end up with no degree at all considering#i would have to sacrifice the classes that i'm currently attending for the other ones#so the reality here is that i will have to finish this degree so i can focus on getting healthier between this year and the next in order#to have the strength to attend the next one and it's very frustrating to know that's standing in the way of attaining a higher education is#my mental health. like. i wanna go back to being able to work and socialise without this thing gnawing at the back of my mind#i guess i'm getting there but it's not happening fast enough for me
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i think if i ever got married to someone i wouldn’t even worry about “falling” out of love with them. as long as it doesn’t turn into resentment or anything like that, i am perfectly fine being married to someone who i love as a best friend even without the romance <3
#timothy's txts.#i would worry about hurting them :(#but also i don’t see how it would need to change our relationship?#i am saying this because my biggest fear is genuinely losing feelings for someone after committing#it scares me so badly that i can’t control whether or not i feel romantic attraction for someone#but it helps to remember that like. i still love them <3 i’m still willing to be in a romantic relationship with them#so all i would have to worry about is if they were okay with me loving them like that#this is also why the two guys i would marry in a heartbeat if they asked. are both guys i know for a fact i would not feel romantic love for#for the rest of my life. but i’d still be fine being in a relationship with them if they theoretically asked#but they won’t thank goodness#and also i’m [redacted] sooooo……#that being said i would love someone to kiss right now…
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why are videos so allergic to being downloaded and staying one quality. how hard can it be. how does that even work out. just stay 720p its not even one of the higher ones these days please do not pixellate on me please. PLEASE *in tears* movie maker is going to tear you to shreds please
#i've yet to find any thing that grabs videos and is able to just Make Them Be The Quality I Need Them To Be The Entire Time#there literally has to be something out there but it almost definitely costs money and im theoretically just doing this for fun#so. *grits teeth* its fine#its pointless being mad too because im literally doing this instead of what i actually need to be doing so i deserve it#my excuse is that i did something to my neck that has made it so im in too much pain to think straight the last few days#so im trying to take it easy (person who does nothing ever but is always extremely on edge about it somehow)#my god im so sick of being in pain all the goddamn time literally im sick of it i do not want to feel this feeble anymore ANYWAY#its fine. its fine. its fine. i dont remember what i was saying. anyway preparing to make a bad video and i will post it or maybe not#if i get too embarrassed by it. i dont know. or if the video quality is too frustrating which is also likely thanks for your time anyway
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