#i was fine with them knowing it theoretically
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
genuinely not quite sure why i am so deeply uncomfortable when it comes to telling ppl abt my personal/romantic life. like i want them to know but i also don’t like admitting to anyone out loud that i have emotions, feelings, and/or relations resembling anything beyond superficial interest. i mean jesus. how cringe. they should just intuit it all psychically or something so they can know without me ever having to bring it up myself
#like i’ve always been like this i didn’t tell my parents that i was dating my hs girlfriend for months#not bc i was scared of what they would say. i knew they’d take it fine. they knew i was gay and they knew i was close friends w her#but the thought of having to confess to my parents that i had romantic feelings for someone. and that she had romantic feelings for me.#that thought? EXCRUCIATING. MORTIFYING.#i was fine with them knowing it theoretically#but i just could not bring myself to admit to them face to face. UNPROMPTED. that i was dating somebody.#i ended up texting them as CASUALLY AS POSSIBLE in the family gc a like 12 in the morning#like hey btw just a heads up me and [girl] are dating okay bye#like lmaaooo they probably don’t even REMEMBER this now but i vividly remember drafting that text at the time like jesusss chriiiiiissstttt#but that was also true for my best friend i didn’t tell HER i was dating my gf for a while TOO and i don’t think i actually told any of our#friends just let them learn via osmosis and that was great that was ideal#i just don’t feel comfortable talking about myself to other people at all like in person#obviously writing it all out is fine like i’m sharing this on my blog bc again I don’t mind people knowing stuff#i just don’t like having a one on one conversation with anybody about any facet of my identity feelings personhood at all#and again i don’t know why that’s true. it’s kinda funny. it’s also something i’m gonna have to just suck up and take like sorry kid#welcome to the mortifying ordeal of being known#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#anyways lmao i was just thinking about that again bc. well for obvious reasons but also because it happened during pride month LMAO#and looking up pride events near me this evening reminded me of that specifically#man#i guess i haven’t changed at all since i was 16 lol#better taste in people now though i think#cest la vie and all that
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Y'ALL. Y'ALL so for a long time I've believed that "the sun" in Meursault's story is Carmen, and I went to check Hell's Chicken's dialogue to see exactly how he said that he'd dealt with distortions before, and... you know what else he said?
To my knowledge, it is a phenomenon where an individual morphs into a form often unfit to be considered “human”. It has no known causes, and the appearances were all different.
Unfit to be considered human.
Meursault, who, in his book, was judged by the court to be soulless.
Meursault, who has EGO for Cyborgs who have been so mutilated they barely act like people anymore; a murderer who was experimented on until ceasing to be human; a sheep named after Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, a novel about the humanity of androids and the inhumanity of humans; and now a rose that can't help its bloodsucking nature, based on Carmilla, a vampire whose story emphasized the duality between her vampiric traits and her human ones.
Meursault, who answered Heathcliff's ironic question of if he had metal for brains like this:
I'm placing my bets now, that line from Hell's Chicken is foreshadowing for Meursault's canto even more than "I have witnessed a number of [distortion] cases in the past" was
#limbus company#project moon#meursault#sorry of my info on carmilla is off i still havent read the book#me post#CLARIFYING IN THE TAGS: MEURSAULT IS HUMAN#it would be a disservice to his character and honestly pretty gross if he ended up not being human#the entire point is that he IS human and that other people perceive him as otherwise because of how he behaves#so I guess theoretically if he did distort it would exacerbate the issue?#extremely speculative but there are distortions who can behave pretty normally while distorted#like the marksman of the mist (and also some of the reverb ensemble but those people are all full of issues WAYYY bigger than marksman was)#if meursault was one of those...#someone calling him unfit to be human. it's fine it definitely won't leave a scar on his psyche#i think in his canto there might end up being something about how even though people don't see distortions as humans#distorting is a very human thing to do#anyway i think overall there's juxtaposition with him and don quixote#don isnt human and wishes she could be#meursault is human but people don't think he is#yknow despite my theories it would probably be more poignant if he DIDNT distort#them looking at him and assuming he only couldve done something like that if he distorted but he didnt#oh wait but the timeline... they probably wouldn't have known about how distorting works yet#nevermind back to the first idea#they ask why. he talks about a beautiful voice. no one knows about this yet and they all think there's something deeply wrong with him#'a beautiful voice convinced me' holds up in court about as well as 'the sun was too bright'
196 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hi do you like images. I love images. Heres a little over 100 guilty gear trading cards from the early 2000s. Every character up to xx is accounted for… some more than others. For now. But the average is probably 4 or 5 cards per character. Nearly all of the art is original. Okay have fun :)
#i hope anyone thinks this is as neat as i do.#oh yeah! also scanned the booklet. a little messy but its fine. so theoretically you could learn how to play. if you can read japanese#i tried not to let my perfectionism consume me too much with this. but know if anything looks off hmm 90% chance its the card's fault.#some arent in the best condition and the printing isnt the best to begin with on some of em. but i tried to pick out the best when i could#theres only 1 zappa and robo-ky. very sorry.#complete coincidence that testament has the most cards… well tied with dizzy. and they arent even on 2 of them so dizzy wins actually.#ill probably keep lookin for more cards but i should ummm. pace myself. smile.#the kat goes meow#guilty gear#gg#show up in the main tag... please
769 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay so like. In general I think it's good to have multiple interpretations of how a certain plot point went if it's not explicit-- As I think that fandom hive mind is bad and can get really boring. However, I think that in general there's a difference between "multiple interesting implications of a specific ending" and "failure to read between the lines" (though this is generally pretty subjective considering stories in general all have to do with personal perception). On the second note this isn't necessarily about interpreting a story 'wrong' this is more about failure to grasp an author's intention about a scene just because it's not spoon-fed. I'm talking in circles and being overly neutral here but generally speaking, for the sake of argument, I like to treat fiction as having two parts to it that I separate (similar to how I separate what is my favorite thing from what I think is the best): How I perceive what the "real" story is/what is actually occurring entirely based on canon events and deducted subtext (I think a lot of samgirl Tumblr does this in the supernatural fandom, as an example), vs personal expansions/wider guesses based on what I think SHOULD be happening-- which might just get a bit more prevalent in my mind if I just. Think an author is making a really stupid writing decision (I do this constantly when talking about shows like disventure camp) This post is more about open discussion and I don't want to make it seem like I'm judging people
#I can actually come up with two examples of what I view as 'failure to read between the lines' both of which will make people mad.#the first one is the reason why I made this post and it has to do with seeing someone interpret Anya and Jimmy in mouthwashing#less as a situation of Jimmy sexually assaulting Anya and more that they had sex once and heavily regretting it#And. On one hand. I respect having an alternative take on non plainly stated canon events. However#I think it downplays the horror of what was going on and it makes Jimmy's actions make a lot less sense#And it also seems like it directly contradicts canon based on what Anya actually said to Curly and how she has been talking about it#ngl the more I think about it the less I like it. It feels more like headcanon than personal interpretation. which is fine but also.#that is not what happened ahahahah#The other example I know of this is Rody and Victor in dead plate since a lot of people interpret Victor's feelings for Rody as romantic#and I'm not sure if people generally think that Rody reciprocated.#I *really like them as a pairing* and I think it'd be wildly interesting if Rody reciprocated#bonus points if it awakened some underlying disturbing urges in him as well#But the thing is. The writer dev has also made it clear that she didn't actually write Victor's obsession as romantic#'they're queer but this isn't a queer romance' is the most important quote. Victor had more of an artistic fascination with Rody#Which admittedly I don't totally get. But I do acknowledge that whatever feelings Victor had for Rody#they were one sided.#I do however love exploring theoretical dynamics of what if it wasn't but alllllllsooooooo...#It does bother me that people genuinely accuse the writer of queerbaiting#Just because of what *Actually happens in the game*#punk speaks
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
One of my big compulsions is taking a fuck ton of screenshots Just In Case a piece of information is important in like 4 years and I can't remember it (sometimes the information is an instagram post that I might not remember later and of course needs to be recorded everywhere (I will Not be looking at that again)) so today is my transfer 16000 images off my phone admin day (woo)
Like yeah I never looked at any of them and they were completely irrelevant to my daily life, But what if I need them ✨️ later ✨️ (you'll see that the idea of Later is doing a lot of heavy lifting here) OR what if there's a vital piece of information in the mix somewhere that I'll lose forever if I delete them? So: onto the external hard drive they go
This is one of those cases where. Yeah. Ideally I wouldn't take 16000 screenshots in half a year. And YEAH ideally I'd just delete them and not transfer them somewhere else to never look at again. BUT at least I get a clean slate and I can maybe not mindlessly save everything for 2 seconds. It's like. Small wins? Progress. Yknow.
#rangnar rambles#i also use my tumblr drafts this way which is how i have probably 2000 drafts for this blog that are just? like me saving a post for 'later#and then theres too many in my drafts for me to even find *MY* drafts#i need to just hard reset the draft function bc its literally unusable for me#'matt this is all irrational and weird' by god. my irrational thoughts disorder makes me do weird shit? are you fr rn??? 😨😨#i get so stupidly in my own head and then i dont make progress towards Anything#even like a fun sideblog where i can actually yknow. post that 2k nightmare? i just cringe myself out like a dumbass 😔#i feel like ocd thoughts always sound lame out loud (and in my head to myself too)#like the Urgency doesnt come across#like in the moment i am Completely convinced that my national insurance number and bank deets are in there somewhere#and theres suddenly no way on earth i could ever find them again if i delete the picture. so to the hard drive they go#i Would go through that whole thing if i suddenly needed a screenshot from 2019 btw. like the crazy isnt theoretical#ive hallucinated gas leak smells before and woken up my flatmates bc i couldnt convince myself i was over reacting#its just cus the seasons have changed that everythings ramping up but omg its hard to do anything but spiral nowadays#thats a little dramatic but i am losing like. a quarter of the day to my ocd#its like. not great 😬#im not back to convincing myself i gave my dad cancer but i am not letting myself use half the kitchen again#but eh soo la voo we ball#HAH i checked my drafts after this and i was lowballing so hard#5.7k on this blog. 12k on my main 💀. its not funny but it kind of is#this is why youll never catch me running a queue#this is such a miserable post but i do feel the need to not let it sit in the drafts pile. to prove the point i guess 💀💀💀#'no one gives a shit this is your blog' 'oh my GOD WHAT IF PEOPLE GIVE A SHIT' <- omg shut upppp youre so embarassing 🙄#one more time for the gallery: i am like. aware that these feelings are irrational. like i am fine it just takes time for reality to kick in#ANYWAYS what was that who said that that was so weird im gonna go look at old romantic era paintings now#if tam is a screenshot fiend in the next fic u know what happened
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I can't believe people are still on 'He is not a kid, he just looks and acts like one'. As if on it's own it's not enough. He acts like he knows what he is doing? Kids are not brainless.
And with him being cosmic being that live 'long' so the aging process will not be human/witch like, and with the show stating and portraying multiple times that they are a child... Having a one eighty on him in the last final episode and making him an adult would be too weird after all of this.
Collector is not even a full villain, but an antagonist, a very powerful one, but still. Villain spot still belongs to Belos.
#the owl house#toh#the collector#toh spoilers#the collector is being made as a parallel to king with two god kids#and he is a foil to luz#and luz already has a foil of an old man who did not grow up#there is no time for such a twist that changes character#not adds on him#even as a shadow there was something to them#that when their form was revealed it just clicked in the right place#like yeah THEORETICALLY they can still turn out to be an adult#i cant stop dana its her character#and i would be a clown arguing#but this will be a character assassination for me#like i wont even care if i was right or wrong ill just give up on the show completely#i get wanting one thing from a character but getting another#i know this pain#and when your hcs dont go against canon its totally fine to keep going#but when its not its not#its time to stop XD
92 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think about the fact that Nico’s powers randomly include temperature control way too much. he can make stuff cold! and is apparently immune to cold himself, at least to some degree! why? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯probably ghost reasons! even though it is not inherently tied to ghosts at all and he can just Do That!
#pjo#riordanverse#nico di angelo#its probably ghost reasons for the whole ''oh ghosts are cold'' and ''ghosts make enviornments color'' thing#the other theoretical reason is ''something something mythology'' cause yknow. the whole myth of how the seasons happened#but based on that alone then Nico shouldnt necessarily have that power?#itd be more of a cabin 4 thing#idk i just like his weird cold powers. theyre so random. he is immune to cold and can drop the temperature around him. good for you bud.#it's fun to mess around with too cause Nico is basically completely unaware of it#he just does it by accident like his killing grass thing#''Nico why is there frost everywhere and its below freezing all of a sudden?'' ''oh sorry i thought i saw a bug''#my favorite part though is the temperature powers thing seems to not be inherently tied to nico himself just naturally running cold#though it could probably affect that as well. nico naturally running cold is most likely his vitals run slower than most people's#cause we know he can control that re: Death Trance#which is another interesting thing. Nico can control his vitals! he can just go ''im gonna take five on MY HEART FUNCTIONING real quick brb'#Nico's bleeding out? no problem! just. turns off his heart. crank that puppy down a bit. cant bleed out if the blood's not moving!#this could also be why he passes out so much. his powers make his blood pressure inherently low and then uses them more. whoops. hes asleep.#i do v much like the hc that Nico just. cannot perceive external temperature. he's just always A Little Chilly cause of his powers#doesnt matter what the actual temperature is. he'll be fine. just also Slightly Cold thus Always Needs Layers
66 notes
·
View notes
Text
the worst thing about making and posting gifs on tumblr is people can add them to their posts and you get a notification which is great and fine but they literally only ever add them to x reader fanfic posts. and i’ve learned this but i don’t have the self control to stop clicking on the notifications
#to be clear i am fine with fanfiction and fine with rpf#and theoretically fine with self insert#but it does make me cringe and that’s fine too#but i actually do have some real resentment for people posting their full 1k+ word fanfics on tumblr#like this is just such a bad platform for that#bad for searching and easy to lose posts#hard to link related posts so it’s hard to connect chapters#plus the tags are always 50% x reader fanfics rendering them literally unusable for any other purpose#get a wattpad or ao3 like every body else and just talk about and link to your fics on tumblr#idk i think it just shows a real lack of care for your audience and the work you’re creating#like why draw an art piece on a napkin and hang it in an alley when there are canvases and art galleries open and available#also shows a lack of care for everyone who isn’t reading your fic really bc x reader fic clogging the tags is commonly complained about#so by now surely you just know you’re making everyone elses experience using the website worse and don’t care
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
if Bean doesnt eat something soon i think i am going to lose it
#personal#theoretically i know c versis can go for months w/o food but. it HAS been months#i'm considering rehousing her/redoing her tank in case she just isnt happy in there anymore#which is my suspicion bc she destroyed part of her web tunnel#it's just scaring me#and also ive never rehoused an adult tarantula#maybe the bottom of the house is too dirty and that's upsetting her? it's hard to spot clean most of it bc of how the cork bark#and her web are placed#so there's some old dead feeders tucked in the back as well as her old molt#and i can re-do the whole substrate if i can get her out and into a different container for a bit#hopefully w a cricket she will eat#half of the problem is i just cant get the crickets TO her#but then even when they do get near her she doesnt eat them#ughhhhh#if anyone has any personal experience getting picky new world arboreals to eat after a long hunger strike PLEASE reach out#also if u read this far u get the additional sad news that my tiny little apache jumping spider has died#fine yesterday. curled under today. poor lil guy :( idk if he reached the end of his lifespan or there was another issue#also sprout hasnt been seen in a few months hopefully she's okay tucked in her cave#but i never did get her sexed and she's 3 years old which...if she's a male that's the end of her lifespan#at least mid-nite is doing exceptionally well and eating ravenously after his post-molting period#doty also ate well today#reminding myself that im Not a terrible spider caretaker and it's normal for c versicolors to be fussy sometimes
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i do not have professional shoes .
#UH OH turns out i actually have to interview for the new job. and its tomorrow!#i do have like. dress shoes like small heels. is that too much?#are vans too casual?#I DON'T KNOWWWW.#my go-to in years past has been black ankle boots which like sure i guess. but theyre a pain to walk in#oh well i did wear them when i stood for the entire duration of a concert last year so#i guess the ankle boots straddle the line between fancy and casual. kinda#now i just have to figure out what else to wear.#i can go with my everyday work pants even though they got some coffee spilled on them today 🙃#but it doesn't show so we're fine. theoretically#shirt? fuck if i know. oh wait maybe the black bow blouse. i guess#my other blouses are too swag for a job interview#blazer??? or no blazer??#these are the questions plaguing us today. see if i have a black blouse and black blazer n pants thats too much black#but i don't have a non-black blouse/shirt thats like. professional enough#maybe no blazer. i guess#oh piss i dont have a printed copy of my updated resume. i guess ill be fine#anyway. job fun
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
i am once again. thinking abt my ocs. and drowning.
#rai.txt#jdhsjdbdjd this is like stupid.#idk i just think. cas and ro should get into a situation#theyte underwater theyre trapped! oh no!#cas is. fine. duuh. part fish. but. ro is. Struggling.#cas doesnt know what to do or how to help and just holds onto ro so that the two of them stay close together. but feels utterly useless#and helpless.#theres literslly nothing they can do. they are just there. fine. as their boyfriend is suffering and dying.#tfw ur bf dies in the water. the water which has been your home for lost of youre life. the water which kept you safe and looked after you.#the water. who has now taken away the first person you chose in your life.#<- kone of this is canon ro doesnt die but like. Theoretically. itd be so fucked.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
had to bring my african fat-tailed gecko to the vet (this is my first time at this clinic because my old exotic vet left the practice), and the doctor gave me a care sheet about leopard geckos and I ???? they do look very similar and have similar husbandry in some ways but AFTs are from Madagascar… where it is humid… and leopard geckos (which I also have) are from like Iran and Afghanistan… where it is decidedly not humid. and he was talking to me about keeping humidity down and???? again??? he’s from the rainforest??? 😭 I think this man doesn’t realize this is an AFT he’s looking at, not a leopard gecko and I’m ???
#it’s mostly fine bc I’m here bc he has stomatitis and they’re gonna get him on meds and it should clear up#so I’m not really here for husbandry advice#but it doesn’t necessarily instill confidence in this man when he seems not to know what kind of animal he’s looking at#and to be clear when I made this appointment I definitely told them what species he is#so theoretically should it not be in his file???#why must it be so hard to find an exotic vet who knows what the fuck they’re talking about 😭#this is not the first time I have had an experience like this :/#african fat tails aren’t even uncommon as pets!!#I’ve had/have WAY more ‘exotic’ species than this 😭#I had to pay this man $86#ked rambles
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m having too many Feelings™ about Noir again, this time specifically about how no “Sympathetic and Well-Intentioned Tragic Villain” in any other piece of media will ever be done as successfully and effectively as Altena.
#like. there are SO many Overarching Villains of a work that the creator(s) will try to make me sympathize with and it just. does NOT hit.#and there are so many instances in other works of trying to convince me that 'oh their villainy is an outgrowth of a wider problem' and#'they truly think they're the Good Guy here' and so few of them EVER manage to actually do that#but ALTENA?? yes. I 100% believe her conviction to her cause is real. I 100% believe that in a different world she could have just been#a regular woman who went about living her life with a relative degree of adjustment#and she's willing to put her money where her mouth is!! if she needs to die for her cause she will!!! if what it takes for The Plan to work#is for her to suffer the consequences that all her detractors/potential enemies do then fine!! there's no special exception for her here!!!!#and most importantly I 100% believe that what she does IS out of a genuine belief that this is what is best for the world.#she's not using that as an excuse to just do whatever she wants. she's not using a theoretical noble ideology to hide behind in order to#convince herself that she serves a higher purpose. she's not using her cause as a cover THIS IS TRULY WHAT SHE WANTS FOR THE WORLD AT LARGE#THIS is (to her) the way to prevent what happened to her from happening to anyone else. THIS is the way to solve the world's lack of#accountability. THIS is the way to put the maximum amount of good back into the world.#EVERYONE needs to be judged according to an immutable standard INCLUDING HER. and SHE CANNOT BE THE ONE CREATING THAT STANDARD.#IT HAS TO COME FROM SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS NOT OVERLY-BIASED ON ACCOUNT OF WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM LIKE SHE IS.#THERE IS NO DIVINE JUSTICE THERE IS NO JUSTICE AT ALL SO SHE HAS TO DO HER PART IN CREATING IT BUT THE DISPENSE OF THAT JUSTICE /CANNOT COME#FROM HER/ SHE /KNOWS/ THAT. SHE'S NOT AFRAID TO RECOGNIZE THAT.#UGH MY /GOD/ THERE IS NO STORY LIKE THIS EVERYONE GO WATCH NOIR#altena#the light of my life <3#there will never be another <3 <3#noir 2001
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
goddamn i gotta figure out what the hell my horrortale self insert does in the underground. i know everything about their life before that and HOW they get there but i have no idea what the fuck they do once theyre actually DOWN there
also i ran out of tags im saying this here as an addition so you know why they just sorta end abruptly. lol. everyone say thank you to my habit of talking in the tags cause i dont want people to see the shit i say
#cherry chats#i wrote down all their rich lore i dont think i ever posted it and i doubt i ever will#not cause i dont wanna in fact its the opposite but itd basically be a huge trauma dump and theres not a person on earth whod wana hear that#and i also wouldnt wanna subject anyone to that cause its not really their problem lol#not that i mind talking about it or whatever. but still itd put whoever this theoretical person im tellin it to in an uncomfortable position#so eh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ bottom line is evil shit hospital -> escapes and is chased up the mountain -> jumps down a big hole lawl#but anyway i have no idea what the fuck they do once theyre down there#i mightve said this already but theyre really resilient towards the conditions down there? theyve never eaten real food and they dont feel#hunger (arfid yo 👍) so if you tried to give them proper food theyd be like. i dont know what to do with this ?#and theyre used to the cold cause of how shit that goddamn hospital was so even when theyre going through snowdin barefoot theyre like.#ok this is fine ^_^#theyre also used to physical pain and also theyre on 800 different messed up meds so if they get hurt that hardly bothers them#its like. a numb sort of pain. like the phantom pains you get when you get injured or killed in a dream#they also think sans is really funny even when he tries to get under their skin with morbid humor#their whole existence is basically morbid so theyre just like hehehe ^_^ your funny#BUT NONE OF THAT EXPLAINS WHAT THE HELL THEY DO IN THE UNDERGROUND!!!!!!!!!#i guess for starters theres no way theyd ever wanna go BACK to the surface so jot that down#i guess. maybe since they wouldnt have access to the medication and drugs theyre always on theyd change?#i think theyd go from a foggy detached empty dissociative state to being actually AWARE for once#after theyve been there for a little while maybe theyd even start. brace yourselves. FEEL things#like uh. emotions. and stuff like that#so instead of an empty miserable shell theyd be able to experience excitement or curiosity. or the human emotion called friendship#do they……… live with sans and papyrus? thatd make the most sense i guess#also thats the only place theyd be safe from being eaten alive lol#i guess they could live with toriel? maybe they go back to the ruins after theyve escaped#but then they couldnt hang out with sans and papyrus as much. and thats lame#maybe they live with the skelebros under the guise of being some sort of weird. pet or something#ummm. nah……. thats weird#ok so i guess i dont know what the hell my self insert does in the underground only how they change when they grt there. whatever#its not like im a WRITER. i dont know all this stuff what do you thinj i am omniscient????
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Huwah~
I don't like that it's so difficult to find out who exactly has retweeted my posts.
I don't even get a notif if someone leaves a reply. I feel like that website is basically useless to me.
Edit: Resolved. I'm just a moron, but I'll keep this post up in case I forget how to do this again.
#am i too used to tumblr?#i just found out incidentally that a certain person retweeted my flirt comic#is there really not an easy way that I can find out who exactly is interacting with my posts??#is twitter just not the kind of site where people care about that kinda thing??#or do i just not know where to find it.#'cus i don't see it in the analytics#like it's fine if I can't find out every person who *sees* the post#i don't need granular info like that#but i'd at least like to know who likes them enough to share them#i only get notifs when mutuals do it#(Thanks Lex >3<)#and even then i'm not sure if it shows me all of them~#the only real upside i have is that twitter has a more global audience#so my reach is theoretically a little broader#especially since I actually take the time to add alt text to my comics#so they can be machine translated into any language#because at the end of the day the purpose of my work#(for the most part)#is to bring joy#so if more people can see it and it can make those people happy the better#but what i want in return is to at least know who was 'moved' by my silly drawings#ya know?#it means nothing to me if i don't know who is being affected by my work#even if it's just something small like 'that made me smile for 2 seconds'#the number by itself is meaningless to me#i feel like this isn't the first time i've made a post like this#if there's a way to find this info#someone PLEASE tell me
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#SO funny thing#last year around this time i signed up for classes to catch up with my education#and i signed up for a very basic class because i assumed that degree is needed as a requirement to take higher education classes#as therapists and people at the job center continuously let me know wherever i went#well turns OUT they were wrong#i could've just signed up for the higher degree one that i was working towards when i was younger nbd and i could have spent#the past 6 months on studying THAT#anyway today i called the college and asked if i can sign up for the next one and they told me i theoretically could but it'll start#in NOVEMBER 2024 and that's ages away#but they have ongoing classes rn and maybe i can switch to just attending those#which sounds fine up until my mental health and the fact that i'm doing this with the help of therapists and counsellors come into the#equation#see those classes are from mon-fri#and my current ones only twice a week which we all agreed on was the most i can do at the moment without sliding into another#burnout type of situation#SO the tl;dr of this is i could attend the higher education classes nbd but they are likely to stomp my mental health entirely back into#the ground and i am very likely not gonna be able to finish them if they do which means i would end up with no degree at all considering#i would have to sacrifice the classes that i'm currently attending for the other ones#so the reality here is that i will have to finish this degree so i can focus on getting healthier between this year and the next in order#to have the strength to attend the next one and it's very frustrating to know that's standing in the way of attaining a higher education is#my mental health. like. i wanna go back to being able to work and socialise without this thing gnawing at the back of my mind#i guess i'm getting there but it's not happening fast enough for me
2 notes
·
View notes