#I didn’t know how to shift the vampire characters into not being fantasy anymore since it didn’t fit but I came up with a solution

[cryptid-on-a-string]

I think it’s funny how much change and development I’ve made to the plot storyline in my head that I’ve been documenting for almost 3 years now. When I first came up with the concept there was going to be like magic and angels and faeries and a whole bunch of world building shit that did NOT fit together at all and made no sense. But now instead it’s a bunch of situations that are exactly as outlandish as the fantasy genre because of how fucked up they are. Nobody makes healthy or normal decisions.

[lemonjoonah]

Blood Bounty - Part 2 (M)

Pairings: Yoongi x Reader, Taehyung x Reader, ft. Seokjin x Namjoon Word Count: 15.5K Rating: M Genre: Historical fantasy AU, Vampire AU, Thriller, Drama, Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): unprotected sex, fingering, oral (f. receiving), vampire feeding during intercourse, referenced non-consensual vampire feeding, attempted non-consensual vampire feeding, attempted vampire feeding on a minor, referenced captivity, referenced injury to animal, blood, violence, gore, threats, obsession, poisoning, murder, minor character death(s), illness, referenced death of brother, historical medical practices, self-inflicted injury (for the sake of vampire feeding), contemplation of action which might result in self-harm, discussion of drugging (with vampire blood)

| Series Masterlist |

Summary: He’s taken everything from you, your blood, your memories, your life, and after months spent as Taehyung’s own personal feast, you eagerly take your chance to flee. Unfortunately your escape doesn’t go as well as you had hoped, as you are soon caught by another blood thirsty beast. The vampire Yoongi claims to know you, and that he wishes to return you home. But when you can only remember the pain caused by his kind, you find it difficult to trust him, since he too could just be another monster waiting to feed.

A/N: Just a quick note, there will be a few flashbacks in part two, all of which should be italicized (as long as Tumblr doesn’t fail to format properly). Hope you all enjoy it, and please let me know what you think!

...

You wake before Yoongi at the start of dusk, after having fallen back asleep propped against his chest. The tension in your thighs from your two days of riding resurfaces as you stand. Restricted to a strained hobble, you grab the nearest supply sack. Heading outside to take a moment of privacy and address your bodily needs, while leaving Yoongi to continue his rest.

As you finish putting on the fresh clothes you acquired the day before, swapping out for a new tunic and the much needed smaller boots, Yoongi bursts out the door of the ramshackle house. His face fraught with worry. “Your Highness?!”

“Here,” you call over to him, stepping out from the cover of the trees. “I’m here.”

His chest heaves with a sigh as he relaxes. “You should have woken me.”

“So you could hover over me as I change?” You ask with a raised brow as you fit your cap back on your head.

“N-no... it’s just best if...” Yoongi’s reply is marked with stuttered speech and a tone of frustration. “H-how can I keep you safe if you wonder off in the night? You act as though you don’t have a bounty on your blood. There are sure to be hunters about and still looking for you.”

“I didn’t stray far, and there was still light out when I left you.”

“Even so, it worried me to wake, and not find you by my side.” He mutters, before returning inside to fetch the horse’s tackle and the rest of the bags.

“It won’t happen again.” You promise to his turned back, disarmed by his compassionate concern.

While he readies the horse for the day's journey, you keep to the front of the stead. Holding on to the bridal, you brush the dark mane as you make a request. “Are we able to stop at a river soon? The waterskin is running low.”

Yoongi nods, “We will cross one shortly before my ally’s post.”

“Your ally?” You ask, your heart starting to race as you panic over the suggestion. “You never said we would have to meet with more of your kind.”

“He has a residence he keeps for the clan between here and your castle. He will have a spare room and bed for us. I can promise you resting there will be far more comfortable than it has been the past two nights.”

“And it’ll be safe for me to be around such company?”

“He has no need for your blood. He resides there with his blood consort, a human-”

“A human! A captive-”

“No, no of course not.” Yoongi cuts in. “They are companions, Namjoon feeds Seokjin by choice, and in return Seokjin looks after him with his own blood, keeping Namjoon free from age and ailment.”

“But-”

“Seokjin will not approach you if I ask him not to. I trust him.” Yoongi comments as he straps the last bag in, the horse now equipped to depart.

Placing your foot in the stirrup before Yoongi can even offer to assist. Muttering your apprehension over the situation as you attempt to mount the stead. Though your endeavour to reach the saddle on your own fails miserably, resulting in your back colliding with Yoongi’s chest as you fall. His arms catch yours while your foot remains caught in the metal brace. “Careful now,” Yoongi warns you.  

“I know. I can do it on my own.” You urge back, frustration edging out into your voice over your apparent state of helplessness, as you struggle to right yourself.

“I’m sure you can.” He chuckles, while pushing you up and onto the horse, before joining you himself. “But it doesn’t mean you have to.”

You shrink down between his arms trying to avoid his touch, continuing to fume over the prospect of spending the day within reach of another vampire. Yoongi may have become less of a concern after the revelation last night, but the thought of being in such close proximity to someone of his clan puts you on edge.

As you shift in the saddle trying to find a comfortable position for your seat, one of his hands comes to clutch your waist. He presses you back against him, mercifully relieving some of the weight from your thighs.

“Better?” He asks.

You nod in reply. Despite your bitterness you lean into him further, the ache being a far more pressing issue at this moment, then the ally you meet later tonight. Soon finding comfort in his support, you turn your concern to the other vampires that neither you nor he can dismiss so easily. “Earlier you said that Taehyung’s hunters are still about, you don’t think they would make it out this far and this quickly do you?”

“For you? Most certainly. I’m sorry to say, I doubt they are far behind.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I was forced to work among them. The swiftest way for me to get to you on my own was to be granted an invitation inside, but to do that I needed to hunt. I gave them a false identity, calling myself Agust, and my services in an attempt to gain their favour.” You go rigid in the saddle. Yoongi must have sensed the change as he is quick to clarify his words. “I never gave them people, only blood I acquired in the same way that I obtained it for myself.”

“And how do you do that?”

“You know I can’t tell you,” Yoongi mutters. You’ve come to despise this answer, still huffing at his need to keep all a secret. “When you keep insisting on hiding it, I start to doubt more and more that I will like the answer.”

He hesitates before replying. “What if that is what I want?”

“I thought you said I shouldn’t judge so quickly? Now you wish for me to dislike you and your ways?” You blurt out in confusion. Why after attempting to build your trust would he want you to hate him so.

“Not necessarily, just to question and be critical once you have all of the information, to hold your own opinion and not my own view. If your memories come from me how can I know that they are unbiased.”

“But how is that a memory of mine if it’s your method of feeding?”

Yoongi doesn’t respond but merely clenches his jaw when you look back at him, refusing to speak anymore on the subject.  

The silence between you stretches on for most of the night, he checks in on occasion to ensure that you are well. But other than that you hardly exchange another word, right up to when Yoongi slows the horse at the sight of the moonlit river and bridge. He helps you dismount, and unhooks a pack from the saddle, giving you access to the provisions you require.

“Our stop is only a few more minutes away down road. We have several hours until day break.” He nods to the river, “Take all the time you need. I’ll give you some privacy and take the horse just around the bend.”

When Yoongi leaves your line of sight, you remove your boots, roll your trousers, and step into the chill waters. You take one stride in and another unit you are submerged almost to your knees. Filling up the waterskin you take a long daft, while also savouring the coolness of the river your skin and sores. The bandages on your heels are a ragged mess, in desperate need of being replaced. You reluctantly return to the banks, crouching to rummage through the pack to hunt for something that could be of use to protect the broken skin.

You have no such luck in locating any spare cloth, but find instead a heavy roll of leather at the bottom. Dragging it up to the surface of the pack, you are curious as to what it might be. While peeking up to ensure that Yoongi has not come back to check in, you loosen the string ties and unravel the well-worn wrap. There’s a small clang from whatever lies inside as it unfolds. Your heart races as you attempt to brace the objects within, slowing your motions to prevent the noise from happening again. Not wishing to draw attention to your invasion of the vampire’s belongings.

But your cautionary actions come to a swift halt when tucked inside you find sharp metal instruments, encompassing a variety of shapes, sizes, and serrations. Kept well enough to glare back at you as they reflected the moonlight. You immediately drop the leather carrier to the ground, and stumble away from the horrific implements. Though in your fear and hurry, you miscalculate the security of the ground on which you stand. Teetering on the rocks at the river’s edge, you fall back. Losing your hat to the current, while your hands plunge into shallow water. The sharp pebbles of the bank dig into your palms, skinning off the scab of Taehyung’s bitten wound.

You gasp in pain, pulling your hand out from the river to inspect the freshly opened break in your skin. Yoongi appears seconds later, reaching out for your hand from the edge of the water. “Are you hurt?”

You look from your palm up to Yoongi. The sting of the lesion and his presence triggering a memory of a darkened cobblestone street, a fanged monster hidden beneath a hood, reaching out for your hand, caked with dirt and blood. Then a gap, a break in your recollection, ending with a flash of Yoongi taking that same hand and passing his own blood over yours to close the cut. The brief glimpse ends, leaving you with a bleak look at your alleged friendship.

“You... you gave me your blood?!” You ask, delving further back into the river out of fear, the prospect of the freezing water is nothing compared to the demon who seems to have poisoned you long ago.

“What are you-”

“You gave me your blood. You used your sway to compel me into-into caring for a monster like you!”

His face falls at your accusation. “Is that how you truly view it then? You do in fact see me as a monster?”

“How else can I? Why else would someone like you carry those tools other than to harm? ”

Yoongi looks down, his lips tightening upon seeing your discovery. “Because you gave them to me!” He counters, to your shock and horror, allowing his forced confession to sink in for a moment before continuing in a more sombre tone. “If you feel that I influenced you poorly, for that I am deeply sorry. I thought, I hoped you might have seen it all differently. I had your blessing back then, but I can see that I was right to question my undue-influence on you.”  

“I’m not talking about your influence, but your blood, you used it to manipulate my thoughts and actions! If I gave you such things I was surely under your spell.”

“No, I would never intentionally force you to think a certain way! But your circumstances back then made you vulnerable, I fear they made you open to my persuasion, and to desire my good graces.” You stand there thigh deep in the river, frozen in place, as his words continue to challenge your perception and memory. “If you revoke your once good opinion of me I will not fault you for it. But I don’t know how else to remedy my mistakes other than to take you home. Can you please trust me long enough to do that?”

“I-” You begin, while trying to figure out where your answer will end, your head swimming with conflicting recollections of his blood, and kindness to you.

But your answer is halted by the sudden change in the vampire before you. Yoongi turns his head back to the line of trees his nose lifting before like it did when he caught the scent of the highwaymen. “Hunters, they’ve found us.”

A shiver passes over you, unrelated to the cold water. “You can smell them? Are they Taehyung’s?”

“No, not them per se, but the blood they are dressed in, and based on that...” He turns back to you, his expression fraught with worry as he points to the river. “Go in further and remain in there until it is safe to come out. They will not be able to fetch you if the river reaches past the leg of their mount. Promise me, whatever happens, whatever I say, whatever you hear, you will not leave until you are certain it is safe.”

You nod unable to verbalize your agreement. Your breath catches in your chest as you continue to lower yourself into the water's depths. The slow current comes to reach your waist, just before a mounted hunter and his much larger companion on foot break near the banks of the river.

“Agust,” the mounted hunter address Yoongi by his false persona, confirming your dread of who they serve. “Fancy meeting you here. We thought we smelled something sweet, but had not realized you would be attempting to collect it too. Since when do you capture live prey? I thought you dealt more in bottled goods.” He proceeds to laugh at his own words, while his fellow remains silent.

“This bounty is mine Thane.” Yoongi commands from the ground standing between you and them. His attention focused solely on the vampire with the stead, marking him as the superior of the two hunters in your eyes.

“Is it now?” He asks with an air of conceit. “It looks more like it’s just beyond your reach. Smart of her to use our weakness in such a way.”

“She’s just playing a game,” Yoongi mutters. “She won’t last long in there, the cold will send her out soon.”

You wish it wasn’t so, but there’s truth to his words, for you are unsure of how much longer you can bear the frigid temperatures. The chattering of your teeth brings further evidence to them that the chill has sunk deep into your skin.

“If she was so difficult to control why did you not give her your blood?” The larger of the two hunters asks.

“What, and taint the product with my own?” Yoongi spits back, looking offended that the hunter would suggest such practice. “I plan to take her back to Lord Taehyung, unspoiled, and alone.”

The lip of the leader, Thane, curls at Yoongi’s comment. “I do not think you will. She seems like more than you can handle.”

“Then you and your partner leave me to fetch a human who may breach the water’s banks.”

“No, you will come with me. Averill will stay and watch her.” Thane nods to the hulking vampire next to him.

“And leave my blood bounty with you? I think not.” Yoongi’s worry starts to cross into his voice, his wavering tone evident to even you. He stands down with a fake chuckle and proceeds to dismiss their presence by busying himself with the task of repacking the belongings you left out of the sack. “If you're not going to send for assistance leave me be, for I plan to wait as long as it takes to recollect her for his lordship.”

“And what will you do when the sun rises? You are not in a position to negotiate Agust. You should be glad that we are offering to even do you this favour. I hear the reward for this one is greater than any before. Lord Taehyung is offering an immediate position among his keepers to whomever can capture her.”

It becomes clear to you that they will not give in so easily, and Yoongi too pauses upon hearing this news. “Since you insist, I will go with you, but he does not make an attempt to touch her until we get back. If I find out you’ve tried to cross me-”

“He will stick to the shore of the river, until our return.” Thane looks to his companion who nods to confirm that he will abide to such terms.

Yoongi turns his back to them, the light of the moon granting a dim view of the concern on his face. He points one figure at the ground, what you can only only read as a supposed signal for you to stay, before mounting up and riding off with one of the hunters in the direction of his ally.

The vampire on the water's edge began to prowl back and forth, watching you with intrigue. “You look cold and tired my dear. You should come out, let’s not play this game any longer.”

“It’s not a game.” You mutter in response to the vampire.

A menacing grin takes hold of his face. “Of course it is, your kind consider hunting to be of sport, do they not?”

You turn your head and ignore his comment. Letting minutes pass with you in silence, until the vampire's pacing comes to a halt, and the smile has all but faded from his features.“Where the hell are they?”

Considering the torment his clan has brought you, you take great pleasure in seeing his frustration rise. “What’s wrong?” You tempt him, hoping that he might be foolish enough to try to reach you on his own. “Does the night wane too quickly for you? Is the vampire afraid of a little sunlight as well as running water? With so many weaknesses it’s a wonder you’ve survived.”

“There are still a few hours to go until sunrise human, I wouldn’t raise your hopes just yet. Because when I pull you from that river, I will show you just how well I survive. ” No sooner than the threat passes from his lips, a single horse rides back into view. Though to your terror it is not Yoongi’s stead, but Thane’s, with it’s rider wrapped his tattered and blood stained cloak. Your chest tightens and breathing stops, as you consider what might have happened to Yoongi. His absence brings grim thoughts to your mind regarding his fate, fearing what kind of situation he must be in to prevent his return.

Looking downriver with a choked sob, you contemplate your only escape with Yoongi now gone, ready to take the current to its end, or yours.

The imposing vampire that was left with you calls out to his ally. “What in the devil's name took you so long? I thought you were going to deal with Agust, and bring back someone who could assist? I see no humans!”

Thane doesn’t answer out loud. After dismounting he pulls his cloak tighter, and approaches his friend, leaning in to talk to him. It’s not until a stake pierces Averill’s chest that you see the true face of the rider. Painted with blood from, and contempt for, the being he just slaughtered.

A sense of déjà vu grips you once again, and refuses to let go. You’ve witnessed something like this before, so many years ago. Another memory starts to resurface, another vampire slaying much like this, both executed by the hand of... “Yoongi?!”

...

-10 years ago -

Just a few hours outside of the palace walls, that is all you desire. Dressed in your lady’s maid’s change of clothes you go in search of the sights outside. Hoping to find something unfamiliar and new. After hearing the very maid you ‘borrowed’ the clothes from, discuss the bakery, the public houses, the marketplace, and more. You could no longer hold back your curiosity. Your books and maps are not enough to quell your taste for adventure, your eyes seek to explore the areas that the tomes in your library fail to touch. And since it all resides on the crown's land, surely you have a duty to study it?

As much as you would have preferred to go out in the day, the cover of darkness is so much easier to slip out under. No one should look twice at a person your attire, and you yourself are not expected to be anywhere else other than bed.

Unfortunately that means the bakery is closed and the market packed up. The only place warmed with light and presence is the tavern, but you know it would be foolish to go in there. For you have no coin on hand for a meal, and are far too young to have any other sensible reason for entrance.

Despite your first expedition not being everything you wanted, it only makes you determined to plan better for your next. After two hours pacing the streets, looking for sites of interest, you consider heading back. You turn to face the direction you had just travelled and look for another route home, not wishing to view only the same roads as before. Travelling one side street and another, though you soon make an error and find a dead end greeting you on the third.

Turning about, you double back, but fail to notice the slick pile of refuse, which sends you falling forward. Your hands reach out to stop your face colliding into the cobblestones, while the rest of your body flattens painfully in your tumble.

Following the shock of your plummet you take a moment to inspect your well-being from the ground. You curse your foolish inattention when you find your palms coated in mud, and stinging with scrapes. Resulting in a small amount of blood, beading on the surface of your skin.

A man dressed in a long cloak and hood from the nearby road turns into the alley and encroaches upon your, no doubt pathetic looking form. You thought he might be there to offer his assistance after such a fall, but he only looks down upon you with a hunched posture.

“Well aren’t you a rare breed. Surely you are not from these parts, or I would have found you before.” His sinister words immediately put you on your guard, after giving you the impression that you are something to be collected rather than aided.  

“I’m sorry sir but you are mistaken.” You ascend from your knees and brush yourself off, seeking to flee his uncomfortable presence, but the stranger blocks your path. With an outstretched arm, his hand rests against the wall, taking up the entire width of the alley. The lower half of the man’s face peaks out from beneath his hood, only to show his tongue darting out to wet his lips. You clench your jaw and stand firm, attempting to give him reason to reconsider preying on one such as yourself. “I hail from here, and my family expects my return soon. Now let me pass.”

“I am not mistaken, I know a new and valued vintage when I smell it, and you are quite something...” He steps closer as you back away, continuing to cut off your escape by dragging his fingers along the stone wall. His stride resembles that of a predator, narrowing in on their presumed feast. You raise a hand in to signal for him to stop, but he merely gives it a keen stare.

“Did you hurt your hands my dear? Here let me take a look.” He reaches out with his own taloned hand, his long fingers ending with sharpened nails. “I can help heal them right up for you.”

“Thank you sir, but I would rather just go home and tend to them myself.” You give one last plea, one last appeal to his humanity. Fearing that his next action against you will be truly monstrous.

“It will take only a moment, and I promise,” the fabric of his hood falls back to reveal his feral face with pointed teeth, “You won’t remember a thing.”

He grabs your hand, pulling it to his mouth. You try to tug it back, but his grip is like none you’ve felt, so firm that even the strongest pull you can muster has no impact on him. Even a push to his chest from your other fist does not disturb him. You close your eyes waiting for the pain of his strike but there’s nothing of the sort. Only a soft grip on your wrist for a second and your hand is released. You open your eyes back up in hesitation, to find your attacker pinned against the wall by another.

“We do not feed on children! Have you forgotten our clan’s law?”

“Yoongi, I’m sorry sir you’re right. But you must understand, you must smell how sweet her blood is. Do you not find it as tempting as I?”

“We do not feed on children.” The newcomer reiterates his tone drawing into a low growl.

“Surely she is not so young that you cannot make an exception this once? No one else in the clan has to know sir, it’s just us here. I’ll even share her with you.”

There’s a swift flash of movement and the second has impaled the first through the chest with a wooden stake. The predator who cornered you looks on him with shock before slumping down the side of the wall, leaving a strip of blood in his wake.

You stare into the vial stranger’s blank eyes, unable to quell the worry that he might still launch an attack on you. “Is-is he, is it-” You manage to stutter out, as you battle your nerves, deeply shaken, but increasingly grateful for the intervention of the one before you.

“He’s dead.” The vanquisher tends to the cast-off on his coat and skin, brushing his hand over the crimson stains while he addresses you. “You should run along princess, it’s not safe for you to wander about at night.”

“You-you know who I am?”

“I’ve come across your scent before, it was just after one of your family’s gallant displays of authority.” You tilt your head confused by what he could mean. He takes in your bewilderment and explains further. “One of the royal processions, I spotted you just after dusk when you returned to the castle some years ago. Your aroma is not one my kind would forget.”

“Your kind, what do you mean your kind? What was he?”

“A weak willed monster who feeds on blood, and hunts by night. He is not alone out there, so you should stay very far away from the darkened streets.”

“But you are not like him.”

“I swear to you, he and I are the same.” The man comes towards you lowering himself on one knee and baring his fangs. “He is a vampire, and so am I.”

You don’t turn away but look at them with curiosity. His brow furrows as you move in closer. “And what of your name?” You ask, desperate to know more about him, for his appearance, his very existence, has certainly become the most intriguing part of your night .

“You don’t need-”

“But I would like it.”

“Yoongi. I go by Yoongi,” he mutters, looking taken aback once again. “May I?” He extends his hand for yours. You give it to him with little hesitation, wincing as his thumb brushes the mud away. He pauses upon noticing your discomfort and extends an offer to you. “If I take away this pain, will you promise to go straight home?”

You nod back, wondering how he could offer such a thing. He bites his hand before taking your own, rubbing the blood over the scrapes. And to you surprise, the cuts vanish before your eyes, the skin forming back together as though your fall never happened. Regardless if this being thinks he is a monster or otherwise, it’s apparent a miracle cure flows through his veins. Your brother's condition jumps to the forefront of your mind. “You can heal wounds? Cuts and contusions too?”

“I can.” His answers with a raised eyebrow.

“So you could help my brother?”

“Your brother, what of him?”

“He has an illness. My parents don’t want to spread word of his condition, but whenever he gets hurt, he bruises and bleeds without end. You can save him, right?”

“I cannot assist your brother.” He rises from his knee and proceeds to drag the body of the former vampire deeper into the shadows, all while continuing to answer your request. “Making myself even known to you goes against the wishes of my clan. I should wipe your memories, but if I do, I fear you’ll forget the danger and return here once again.”  

“Please! He needs your help.” You beg, hoping that he’d agree to be your salvation once again.

The self proclaimed monster looks at you, while tugging the stake from the chest of the corpse. Meeting your eyes when you refuse to look away from him or the gruesome sight. “If you swear to stay within the walls of your castle and tell not a soul... I will see what I can do.”

You lead him back to your home, the vampire following a few paces behind. Returning to the passage hidden in the roots of the hedge, the trap door beneath the flora, from which you ventured out earlier tonight. You open it stepping in first. Your companion stops as if being held back by some invisible force. “I need your permission to enter.”

“Why?”

“Consider it a courteous limitation of my race. Now do you want me to heal your brother or not?”

“Yes, you may come in.”

Lighting the lantern you left for yourself at the entrance, you lead him through the dark tunnel beneath the castle.

“What is this place used for? I can’t imagine anyone ventures down here much.” He remarks brushing away cobwebs that stretch across the path.

“It is an escape tunnel, to ensure the safety of the royal line. Only my immediate family knows of it. If there were to be danger we could flee down here and leave the grounds. And no, they do not visit here, only I come down myself when I wish to hide away.” The hidden offshoot of the cellar is ample space for you, and far less restrictive than the palace above ground.

You climb a set of stairs ending in a door which returns you to the halls of the castle, the entrance to the secret route concealed behind a painting of a king who came long before. Peeking out into the corridor you find it clear of guardsmen and servants, and doing the same again at your brother’s door.

The physicians and surgeons had left him for the night, which allows for Yoongi to slip in behind you. He checks over your sleeping brother, paying close attention to both the recent injury to his knee and the incision on the inside of his elbow. “Why was this made?” He points to the latter. “It’s too clean to be an accident.”

“Bloodletting, they bleed him regularly to dispose of the weakened blood.”

“Weakened Blood?” Yoongi shakes his head as he reopens the spot on his hand, spreading his blood over your brother's wounds. They close up with the skin returning to its normal state and hue. “I hadn’t realized that surgeons practiced such things. If you want to keep him alive don’t let them bleed him anymore. Come to think of it...” He examines the tools of their trade, and roles up the leather pouch in which they are contained. “May I borrow these? I might have a use for them.”

“Take them, please.” You urge, breathing a sigh of relief. It’s a shock to see your brother's condition, which has plagued your family since his birth, so easily remedied with Yoongi's help. But the worry over the uncertain future still holds. “What if it happens again? How will I find you if I shouldn’t leave the castle?”

“You said few know of the cavern below? I’m in need of somewhere safe to rest during the day when I come to town, that spot will do. If I have your consent to use it?”

...

It’s been a couple weeks since your first meeting. The vampire, Yoongi has grown more comfortable within the tunnel beneath, and far less hesitant around you. You’ve learned so much about him, and his shrouded kin, both the good and the bad.  

He lays back against the stonewall his eyes closed in satisfaction. Far different from the first few  times you met him. “You look... more relaxed.”

He keeps his eyes closed as he gives you his answer, “I had the ability to address some of my needs I’ve been neglecting. I’ve been able to feed on a far more frequent basis.”

“Oh...” You exclaim, not knowing how to comment further on the topic.

One of his eyes opens to peek at you while he remains at rest. “Does that scare you? Do you fear me now?” He chuckles darkly.

You respond with a quick and decisive, “No.” Catching the vampire by surprise judging from his tongue in cheek and open mouth.

“And why is that?”

“If you took no issue with human suffering you wouldn’t have saved me. You wouldn’t have saved my brother. Did you bring pain to the person you feed on?”

 Yoongi scoffs, his tongue still rolling in his cheek as he looks to the floor. “No, I did not. And I have you to thank for that.”

“How did I help?” You ask in utter bewilderment. The two of you have never discussed his own meals before.

“When a vampire feeds they don’t often care about the damage they cause, they can make their prey forget they ever saw them, becoming nothing more than a bad dream. I have been struggling with this way of life for a while now. But you, you gave me another method to feed, and for that I am eternally in your debt.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“I know,” he chuckles back. “I’ll show you one day. When I can be certain it is safe to do so.”

...

A month later, Yoongi sneaks into your room in the dead of night, waking you from your slumber.

“Wh-what’s wrong?” You ask with slurred words as you rub your eyes.

“Nothing, nothing, but I’m ready to show you. Dress in what you wore when we met. We can’t have anyone recognizing you.”

You bolt up out of bed and dash over to your desk. Yoongi watches as you tug out the false bottom you created in one of the drawers that hides the cotton-spun dress from sight.  

“You appear to be well versed in the art of hiding secrets princess,” Yoongi laughs, as he examines the panel.

“When every eye in the household seeks to critique you, you find ways to hide your less-than-amiable indulgences.”

“And is that what this is?” The vampire holds up a book of cartographic exploration also stored in the secret nook of the drawer. “An indulgence?”

You take the tome in question from his hand and return it to the drawer, replacing the panel to conceal it. “For a situation like my own it is.”

After changing into the plain garment Yoongi takes you from the castle, bringing only the leather roll of surgical instruments you had given him. He doesn’t take you far, a house, located only a five minute walk beyond the gates of your castle. “Are you sure you want to see this?” He asks as his fist hangs above the door.

You nod, curious as to how he’s been feeding himself.

“Very well, if anyone asks you are my assistant.”

“Assistant for what?”

He answers only with a wide grin as he knocks. The door opens a fraction, by the hands of a startled woman, whom Yoongi is quick to greet. “Sorry to intrude, and so late too. I heard you might be in need of a surgeon?”

“W-we can’t pay,” she croaks back, and attempts to close the door, but Yoongi stops it by placing the leather case in the gap.

“I require no monetary payment. My services have already been covered.”

“By who?” The woman is sceptical, and rightly so. Based on your experience with your brother’s past needs, you know a surgeon’s fee to be no small price.

“The daughter of the crown.”

“The crown? But why would she-”

“Because there are those in this kingdom in need of my assistance. I’m sure you’ve noticed the rapid recovery of your neighbour just a few doors down.”

Her eyes widen, lighting with hope. “The surgeon was you?”

“It was.” He answers with a closed lip smile.

The resident looks from Yoongi to you, her gaze lingers for a second on your appearance, before opening the door further. “You may come in.” She takes you to a small residence, her hands trembling as she escorts you into a nearby bedroom.

The stench of a sickly-sweet rot overpowers your nose the moment you step into the room. You cover your mouth in an attempt to keep down your rising dinner, while Yoongi goes to the aid of an unconscious man laying in bed. A deep and putrid gash extends from the inside of his thumb to his wrist.

“Another surgeon said he might need to take the hand... it’s not so bad is it?” Her voice quakes. “My husband won't be able to work if he loses it.”

“No, he’ll keep it.” Yoongi states, as he lifts a ceramic bowl, notched at the rim, from the bedside table and props the wounded man’s arm over it. Several small cuts already adorn the weak skin at the crease of his elbow joint. “I take it you've bled him regularly?”

The wife nods. “Yes, but we ran out of money. I couldn’t afford to have anyone else continue the bleeding. So I attempted it myself.” She looks down at the floor in shame, clearly upset that she had not been able to help her own husband.

“He will be well again. I promise I can heal this.” He assures her, before turning to you. “Can you hold these for me?” Passing you the same tools you gave him just months before. You unravel the leather pouch. Exposing the sharp tools for his selection, his slender fingers choose one of the smaller blades to make the incision. As the scarlet fluid drains, Yoongi calls for fresh linen and the wife leaves the room in search of his needs.  

The second she is out of sight, you start to question the vampire. “Bloodletting? But I thought you said-”

“It’s both a cover, and an exchange. He gives me his, and I’ll give him mine. I must thank you for the tools, they’ve been very helpful in keeping up the disguise. But do you think you can keep her out? I can’t let her see this next part, the improvement to his hand will be too drastic and too quick for her not to suspect a mystical source.” Yoongi requests as he breaks the seal on a bottle filled with thick crimson fluid. Pouring out a drop he rubs his blood onto the festering wound of his subject's hand.

You nod, watching the two sides of the laceration seal together, leaving only a clean scar. When the wife returns with a knock at the door, you take the material and ask her to wait there. Thankfully she obeys without much resistance, taking a seat just outside the room, her eyelids drooping from exhaustion, and her skin slick with the sweat of worry.

You hand over the linen to Yoongi who wraps it around the previously infected area. The man, much to your concern, remains unconscious. “Will he wake soon?”

“It might take some time, but yes. He still has a fever, but that should break in the next couple of hours with the infection gone.”

“And that?” You nod to the basin of blood.

“That, I will keep for myself.” Yoongi finishes wrapping the man’s hand before taking a wine skin from his coat, carefully pouring the viscous fluid into the flask, and taking every drop.

“It won’t affect you adversely even though he was ill when he gave it?”

“No, his ailment won’t harm me.” Taking a draft as if to prove his point, he wrinkles his nose as it goes down, and licks his lips clean to hide the evidence of his feast. “The taste isn’t always perfect, but it fills my needs, and it’s far better than the alternative.”

Yoongi passes off the patient’s care to his wife and warns her not to remove the bandages for several days. A continuation of his ploy to maintain that his methods have a more realistic recovery rate.

After returning you to the passage of the castle shortly before dawn, Yoongi looks to be apprehensive, wringing his hands as he bids you farewell for the day. “Seeing that... taking part in it wasn’t disturbing to you? You do not think it malicious for me to lie and profit in such a way?”

“No, not at all.” You shake your head, and beam at the vampire before you. “I was pleased that you showed me.”

“I owe my thanks to you,” he whispers, as a smile starts to cross his own features.

“But I did nothing.”

“You gave me the idea. I was not aware, nor did I think to benefit from such a human norm. I thought I was condemned to feed like a monster until the end. So as long as you approve, as long as you think it decent to conduct myself in this way, I will continue.”

“You’ve already helped us so much, how could I not? You are the reason my brother is well again, the reason that man will continue to live and work. You are more a saviour than any being I’ve met before.”

...

You thought him a hero in your past. Every action had a valid reason, every motive morally sound. His store of blood, the surgical knives, every memory of his history with you is beyond reproach.

“Yoongi?”

The friend of your past, falls to his knees beside the body of the hunter. He raises a hand to his face to contain a cough, but even from your distance you can see scarlet sputtering from his lips and spilling down between his fingers.  

“Yoongi!” You wade through the water as quickly as you can. Reaching his side while he continues to expel blood. “What happened?”

“Powdered silver.” He sputters again spraying your drenched trousers and ground with scarlet. “The bastard asked for some of my drink. I obliged to maintain my cover, but I didn’t notice he poisoned it in the process, and then took a sip myself.”  Despite his state he proceeds to hastily shove the body of the vampire into the river, where it starts to burn and disintegrate in the current. “Don’t worry, much like this one, he is far worse off than I.” Yoongi chuckles darkly before doubling over in another fit.

“We need to get you somewhere safe to heal.” You take his shoulder and help him on to the stolen horse.

“Seokjin, he's waiting for my return. I left everything with him. Down the road,” he whispers as another clot of blood leaves his mouth. “You’ll find a stone house.”

Once he is mounted you take the spot behind him this time, in an attempt to keep him in the saddle. “Yes, I remember it now...”

...

- 9 years ago -

You’ve fallen into a routine, where every morning an hour before sunrise you wait in the underground passage to see if Yoongi will show. It’s been over a week since he’s visited last. In the year you’ve known him he has never stuck to a schedule, his visits are random but frequent. You pass the time waiting with a travel log of a famous explorer, and an atlas for reference, studying the map and marking his trek as you pass through the pages. Cartography has long become a hobby of yours, much to the disappointment of your mother, she deemed such interests as unladylike forcing you to hide your activities. Though your hands stained with ink from your nightly studies, have betrayed you on more than one occasion.

The trap door to the outside opens, revealing your long awaited friend. “Yoongi!” You run and pull him into a hug. When you allowed him to rest here and tend to your brother as needed, you never thought that he would become your salvation too, your craved glimpse into the outside world which you have long since been denied. “You said you’d only be gone a few days!”

“I know forgive me princess, something came up. The travel back was slower than expected.”

“Were you able to do what I requested?”

“I was.” He pulls out several pages you had torn from your atlas marking them with details important to those of his kind. “Excuse my penmanship. It’s not as practiced as it once was.”

Dismissing his concerns with a wave of your hand you peer down at the sheets eager to see the world from his eyes, starting with the details closest to your own home. “Who is Seokjin?” You ask pointing to a dark spot labelled ‘Seokjin’s Post’ less than a day's ride away.

“I see you waste no time.” Yoongi smiles at your enthusiasm. “A member of my clan, a keeper, one who is stationed at a waypoint for ease of travel.”

“A keeper?” You ask unfamiliar with the vampiric title.

“One who has a claim to our land, and can give permission to other vampires to enter. It’s an honour to be trusted with such a responsibility.”

“Are you a keeper?”

“A form of keeper, yes, I share claim to the main stronghold with our clan’s lord. It took me near a quarter century as a clan hunter to be given permission to even enter, and three times as long to gain my current status. It is a prestigious role, but also a double edged sword, for it also is what keeps me away.”

“I should like to see it.”

“My clan’s fortress? No, I will never take you there, your scent could plunge the whole estate into chaos.”

You frown at the inability to visit his station, but continue to search the map. Finding another castle marked much like his own out to the west. “What of this one? ‘Lord Taehyung’s Fortress,’ you have never spoken of him.”

Yoongi goes rigid as he hovers over the mapped sheets with you. “I have not, for he is of a different clan, with far darker ambitions than our own. I choose to mark it as a warning and a place to avoid. If you should ever hear of or be near someone in his service, run. Run as far and fast as you can.”

You swallow any further questions regarding the rival clan, uneased by Yoongi’s words. Changing the subject again to learn more of your confidant and friend. “Where did you come from if you have not always resided with your clan.”

Yoongi forgoes the sheets you have given him of the surrounding area, taking the atlas out of your hands, he flips the pages to a wider view of the land. “I come from out here.” Pointing to an area not on the page, but to the right of the book, far more east than the last recorded city.

“Off map? Could we visit your old home instead?” You ask, your excitement bubbling to the surface.

“No it is far more than a night’s journey away, making it too long of a trek for you. It would take months on foot, and even if we were to make it, I doubt there would be much left, for the hearth kept by my family grew cold long ago.”

“I would like to see the area at the very least. We could get a horse. Money is no object, I have-”

“Princess, even still, your absence would be noticed. You cannot just disappear for weeks on end and return when you please. You would lose your home, your own station.”

“What if I told you that I don’t want to be a princess. That my dream is to leave this castle, and find an adventure with you.”

...

- 5 ½ years ago -

For years this disagreement raged between you both, with you desiring to leave, and him insisting you must stay. His return is always a bright moment, but your partings always cast a dark shadow when he once again embarks alone. Existence without him in the kingdom is so cold and rigid, to the point where you’ve come to rely on his visits to breathe life back into you, needing his company to live as much as your brother needs his blood. To your dismay the length between each of his appearances grows longer. Though his apologies still accompany him each time you must wait beyond his promised return.

“I told you, you should invest in a horse.” You mutter as you cling to him, greeting him with your usual hug the second he slips into the underground tunnel.

His hand draws across your back soothing you with his presence. “And I’ve told you I don’t need one for myself alone.”

“Then you will get one when we leave together?” You ask, pulling away looking up with hopeful eyes.

“Princess...” He growls as you once again bring up the dreaded topic.

“We need to talk about this Yoongi. We can’t go on like this forever.”

“No, but how is your brother? What would happen if you left?” Yoongi asks, setting up his bed roll for you both to sit on. He never leaves anything behind out of concern that someone in your family will find it while he’s away. Requiring him to get re-situated upon every return.

“He is well...” Your statement trails off unable to make a further valid argument regarding his situation.

“But that could change in an instant. And if you’re not here-”

“I might not be here much longer anyway!” Your statement hangs in the air between you both.

His face reads only of confusion, with his mouth hanging open as he attempts several false starts to respond. “Wh-What do you mean?”

You take your seat next to Yoongi determined to make him see it your way this time. There has been something weighing on you, feelings that you’ve found difficult to approach, but if you don’t say it now you worry you’ll never get to. “I am eighteen Yoongi, and well of age to marry. There have been suggestions of prospects and matches. I’ve tried delaying them but I know I will not stay in this castle much longer either way.”

His eyes darken and brows furrow. “I suppose congratulations are in order then.” His words in no way match his expression.

“No, they are not! I don’t want that life, I’ve told you this before. I have no wish to leave this castle only to become locked in another. You know that is what will happen! Any union made will be to benefit the kingdom in an alliance, they will have their own expectations, their own walls I cannot cross.”

“Maybe that is for the best though. You will live the life you were intended, saving you from a life with a monst-”

“You are not a monster Yoongi, I do not need saving from you!”

“If not from me, then at least from my kind. I cannot give you the life nor the safety which lies here, or in another castle with your own kind. A life alongside a vampire will not have a happy end.”

“And what of a life without living one’s dream? Without the one you’ve come to admire and befriend. Can that have a happy end? Would it not bother you to yield me to another who is not as kind, nor caring as you? Yoongi, I lo-”

Yoongi emits a low growl halting your argument and paramount confession. “I profess I would loathe to lose you too, but dreams and desires change. I do not wish for you to regret your path with me as I once regretted choosing this life too. If it weren’t for you... ” His voice trails off as he hangs his head in shame. “I could not bear to see you suffer knowing I brought you the pain which haunted me for years. The loss of a family, of a home, I do not wish for you to endure the same.”

“Then what would convince you? What will show you I am truly earnest in my desire?” You ask hoping to find the answer to not only show your determination to leave, but your true feelings for him too.

He pauses the discussion, getting up to pace the room. His fingers run through his hair as he ponders your query. “I don’t want you forced into this because of circumstances beyond your control...” He stops his stride mid thought, and glances to you.“I can still supply your brother with blood if you choose to marry, and leave my side. Now in having that safety I need to know that you’ve given this consideration more time. Without the weight of your brother's life hanging over you.”

“It has been all I’ve wanted these past few years, to leave this place with you.”

“But first I need you to give this life the honest chance without my presence. I will leave you with enough of my blood for the time I’m gone. Though we should discuss who you will entrust to take care of him if you are in another castle, or with me.”

“My lady’s maid.” You suggest, for you know she loves him as much as you, though she tries to keep it concealed. “I would trust his life to her, but how long do you plan to stay away?”

“My clan intends to launch a wave of hunters into rival territory, it’s the best chance we have to take down Taehyung’s stronghold.” Yoongi explains while returning to the seat next to you. “If we can do this before you wish to leave then I will be as far greater ease to take you from here, but knowing that they are out there now worries me when it comes to your safety.”

“How long Yoongi?” You reiterate, scared by his avoidance of your question.

“Six months.”

“But that’s such a long time!”

“If you want to leave with me you will have to endure it, but I wish for you to take this time and consider your options. Don’t close every door yet, simply because of how you feel now.”

You inch closer to him, “My answer will be the same half a year from now. I want you to take me will you.”

“Nevertheless, I would like to wait, and hear it again upon my return.”

“I will do as you ask, but after that wait, I expect you to be ready for me to leave alongside you. We’ll need a travel plan, supplies, and a decent horse too.”

“Whatever you require, I will have. I’ll even let you name the stead.” Yoongi promises with a smirk. Taking the glass vial of blood he uses on his patients from his coat, he gives it to you. Cupping your hands as you take it from him, he leans in, putting his lips enticingly close to your own. “I’ll be back for your final answer, just please think it over. I will bear you no ill will if you decide...” He pauses, a grimace weighing heavy on his expression. “If you decide, you would be better off if you forgot me entirely, and moved on with your life.”

“I would never wish to forget you.” You give another thought to confessing further, telling him how much you’ve grown to love him. How you crave more than just to leave with him. Wishing to close the gap between you and seal your deal with a kiss. But despite your determination to confess to him earlier, you hold your tongue and lips in place. Suspecting that he will dismiss those desires too. When he returns, you reason with yourself, putting it off for a little longer. Yes, then you will express it all to him.

...

Just as Yoongi said, further down the road and nestled between the trees, there resides a small stone house. Had you not been looking for it, you might have missed it entirely. You stop with a pull of the reins, sliding down from the saddle you tie the horse to an outdoor post, and proceed to help the increasingly catatonic vampire with his own dismount.  Propping one of his arms over your shoulder you approach the dwelling and hammer on the door.

A booming voice responds from the other side. “It damn well took you long enough!” It opens to reveal a tall man draped in a spattering of blood, extending from his broad shoulders to the small of his waist. He curses upon the sight of you and the barely conscious Yoongi on your shoulder. “I told him he wasn’t well enough to return to you alone.”

He looks human at first glance but a small chuckle reveals pointed teeth hidden by his set of full lips. “‘I must do this Seokjin,’” The vampire utters in his imitative tone of Yoongi. “‘Just look after this one’s body for me.’ That is the last time I do you a favour. I swear I’ve never seen a vampire’s corpse so saturated with blood.... even ruined my favourite shirt.”

Seokjin takes Yoongi from you and calls out to another. “Namjoon? Come help me with this determined fool and his human princess.”

You cringe from the unexpected use of your title, but the vampire pays you no mind. Looking to his human partner who descends the stairs. Namjoon ushers you into their residence, looking troubled by the state of your soggy clothes.

Just as with the abandoned house from the night the windows have heavy shutters that close from the inside, most of which are currently open, letting in the night air. But this dwelling is thankfully well lit, with several lanterns bolted to the walls, a fire roaring off to the side, and an iron candelabra at the centre of a massive wooden table.

The vampires take the lead up the narrow wooden stairs, with you and Namjoon trailing behind. Gliding through an open door in the upper hall, Seokjin places your now fully unconscious companion on the bed of a well furnished room. He takes Yoongi’s tunic and tears it open, exposing a trail of burns down his throat and chest.

“I’ve never witnessed a silver poisoning to this extent. It’s a miracle he was able to still retrieve you.” Seokjin mutters.

Namjoon grabs a blanket from the cupboard, and wraps it around your damp shoulders, before attempting to take you from the room. “Come let's get you some dry clothes.”

But you stand firm and refuse to be parted from Yoongi. Concern grows within you over Seokjin’s statement. “Will he- will he recover?”

“Yes, but it’ll take time. Though if he feeds soon, his injuries will heal far quicker.”

“Do you have any blood on hand?” You ask on his behalf. “With his supply poisoned he has nothing else to drink.”

Seokjin’s eyes bore into you expectantly, a smile coming to the corner of his lips. “Am I not looking at his blood consort now? Has he not fed from you?”

You shake your head, backing away from Yoongi’s supposed ally.

He takes in your reaction with a tilt to his head. “That must have been a struggle for him, considered I’m using all my power to not feed from you now.”

Namjoon steps in between. “Let her be Seokjin, you know who she is, and where she’s been kept. She’s clearly scared to do so, I can spare-”

The smirk on the vampire’s face dies with the offer of his human. “You will do no such thing! Your blood is mine, and mine is yours is it not?”

“It is, however-”

“Then that is the end of this discussion. If she wishes to help him then she must make that sacrifice, not you.” The vampire pushes his human out of the room before he turns back to you. “If I were in your position I would heal him, and do so quickly... for he has given up far more for you than a few drops of blood.” Seokjin then shuts the door behind him, leaving you alone with Yoongi.

You pace back and forth at the foot of the bed, hugging your blanket close in comfort. When you consider feeding him, your anxiety starts to rise to an undesirable peak, with the feeling of your heart rising to your throat and pounding in your ears. Your mind can’t help but draw on the memories of Taehyung's feeding, but this instance is different, with you in control, and the one who requires blood is not a monster but your past saviour, and love.

You empty his bags on the desk provided in the room. Making one last effort to look for any additional store of blood that might have remained unpolluted. Finding nothing but clothes, and basic supplies, until the roll of surgical instruments hits the wooden surface with a dull thud. Left with no other option but the tools before you, you grow more determined to push down the horrors of your past. Doing it for the sake of Yoongi, and the returning portion of you who adores him so adamantly.

Freeing one of the knives, you take a deep breath, and slice along the partially opened scar on your hand. The pain takes control for a moment, forcing your jaw to clench and your breath to seethe between your teeth, as the sight of scarlet turns your stomach. But seeing Yoongi suffering brings your mind back to focus as the blood wells to the surface, creating a thick pool in your palm. You go to him and straddle his form taking his chin in one hand to open his mouth. You clench your ruby drenched fist and tilt it over him. The first drip hits Yoongi’s lip, the second entering his mouth. His eyes fly open, and a snarl leaves his throat. Reaching out he grabs your hand, not to draw it closer but to push it back towards you.

“You’ve spilled enough of your blood for my kind.” He whispers, his ache evident in the hoarseness of his tone.

“Seokjin said you needed it. Will you just take it.”

“No! I have no wish to become the next monster who haunts your dreams.”

“You won’t, I remember now. From my first time meeting you, all the way up to our parting. You did so much for me and my family. You were right in saying those you feed off of were not your victims, I saw how they suffered from illness and injury.” Your voice starts to quake as you force it all out, confining his depth of importance to you to a few small statements is no easy task. “I understand why you feared your influence over me in the past. But please, know now, I do not consider myself a casualty of yours. I give you my blood of my own free will.”

You offer your hand once again but Yoongi doesn’t move his narrow gaze giving the impression that his decision is final. “Very well.” You counter, as you cup your hand with your own, pressing down on the wound as you consider the already escaped blood. “It seems a shame to waste it though. Maybe your friend Seokjin will take it, he appeared to be interested.” You play your bluff, hoping to gain a rise out of him the way Seokjin claimed Namjoon.

Shifting your weight, you ready to leave, but Yoongi moves faster, pulling you down to lay beneath him. “Why must you be so stubborn?” He mutters as he places one hand gently over your eyes obstructing your view of him. “Please, if I am to do this don’t look. I don’t want you to remember me by this act.” His other hand takes your blood soaked palm in his grip before he finally presses his lips to the dripping wound.

The tug of his mouth on your skin is gentle lasting only for a few seconds. His tongue then starts to drift down the scarlet trails that lead across your fingers, licking every inch of your skin clean. His touch is soft and attentive, you find yourself enjoying his caress, forgetting entirely the purpose of his actions. But it’s soon brought to an end when a soft scrape of his fangs crosses your knuckles, with your immediate instinct to flinch, it incites him to draw back and apologize.

He removes himself from your hand, and turns to draw his own blood. When he goes to press it to your laceration he hesitates and gives you his assurance. “This will only heal it. Do you trust me to do that?”

You nod with a deep breath and clenched teeth, dreading this part most, you look away until the tingling sensation of the skin's repair stops. When your gaze returns to the spot you find it without flaw, for his blood had also erased the scar of Taehyung. Tears begin to prick the corner of your eyes .  

Yoongi wipes at the edge of his mouth taking away the dark remnants of your blood. “I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“No, quite the opposite. Thank you for taking it away.”

“I’m sorry you had to bear his marks for so long.” His lips kiss the newly healed skin of your hand before he lays down on the bed next to you. As much as he tries to hide it you can see that he’s still weary from the silver. Your fingers trace down the slowly fading burn of his throat, a rumble of contentment flowing from it as his eyes close.

Embracing the softness of the bed you were promised earlier, and far too weary to change out of your damp clothes you join him in sleep.

...

You rest for only a few hours with the sun starting to break across the horizon, shocked but grateful that no appearance of Taehyung brought halt to your peaceful slumber. Rising to close the shutters to the light, you leave Yoongi to his sleep.

You open the door a slight amount, checking to see if anyone else is about, when you find a form of kindness you had not expected on the floor in front of your room. It would seem that Namjoon must have brought food while you slept, a small collection of bread, cured meat, and fruit awaits you along with the clothes he promised. Though your current outfit is now dry, you take the fresh garments inside for a later change before you depart in the evening. The food however, barely lasts a few minutes in your presence. For you indulge hastily on the wonderful meal as you sit at the rather cluttered desk.

Naturally, the mess you made earlier in the night still remains, the contents of Yoongi bags strewn over the desk and floor. Once finished with your plate, you start to pack the clothes and supplies all away again until there are only a few items left, including a piece of folded parchment lying in the corner. You flatten it out across the surface of the workspace, reuniting yourself with Yoongi’s map.

Of course, it wasn’t always his. No, this was the map that you had made from the fragments and pages he recorded. It was intended to be a gift for him upon his return after those long six months apart. Every stroke of the pen, every hour, and every drop of ink which bled into this creation brought you so much joy. But you also remember the sorrow that led to the error, the blotch left while trying to conceal the map before the ink had set.

...

-5 years ago-

It has been seven months since Yoongi’s departure, with no whisper or hint to his whereabouts. The blood supply he had given you was fully consumed in the past fortnight. You assure your lady’s maid, whom you imparted with the knowledge of the cure, that your friend will return soon. But still you wait for him, while putting the finishing touches to the map in the form of an ornate compass rose.

With the final mark of ink in place, your mother bursts into your room, consumed by a wealth of tears. You fold the map in haste, and tuck it under a book. Thankful that she is too distraught to realize that you should be in bed and not at your desk, but the news she shares gives grave reason to her oversight. Your brother had fallen from his own earlier in the night, causing a lesion to the back of his head. Without the aid of your vampire, you know it to be a likely death sentence.

Come near dawn, you wait in the hidden passage, praying for Yoongi to show. But when the sun comes to rise without his presence, you can only hope that your brother will survive this day without the medicine he’s grown so dependent on. However, as night falls, his health worsens, and the physicians resort to bleeding him again. You try to stop them, but that only results in you being banished from his room.

With no other options left, in the late hours of night, you don another of your maid’s old dresses, tugging it out from your hiding spot, and replacing it with the finished map which now bears an unfortunate scar. Taking your usual path you escape to the town of your kingdom. Your plan, to pace every street until you find him, or another who might know of his whereabouts.  

...

Your memory fails to pass the darkened cobblestone roads which frame your search. Leaving you to conclude that was when you were found by your capture of these past five years. Yoongi was right, the open night is dangerous for one such as yourself, even so he left you with little choice, he broke his promise first.

There’s a creak from the bed behind you, but you keep your focus forward on the map, still trying to piece it all together. Until two hands wrap around your waist and Yoongi’s chin comes to rest on your shoulder.

“You said you would come back.” You remain still in his arms, scolding the vampire with tears threatening to spill from your eyes. “Why didn’t you return to me as promised.”

Yoongi turns you around to face him, raising your chin with his finger. “You remember our arrangement?” You nod your response, refusing to meet his gaze, until he lowers his own head in disappointment. “There were... difficulties. I know it does not excuse my broken oath in full, but I was prevented from going to you.” He sits you back down in the desk chair and kneels before you, taking your hand in his. “Taehyung had found the hunters we were attempting to embed in his ranks. He dealt us a swift blow with their deaths, and then sent his men east, towards our fortress, and your kingdom. The keepers, such as myself, were ordered by our own lord to remain within the walls of our residences, out of concern that we might be captured and lured into giving Taehyung's clan access.”

“Then you should have sent word of your delay!” You cut in, had you known this you never would have left to find him.

“I did. I wrote a letter and sent it by raven, telling you to stay within the castle walls no matter what. That it was far too dangerous for you on the outside, and my return would be a longer wait. But I received no reply. I thought then that you did not want to hear from me, that you had chosen a different path. It was weeks before my raven returned badly injured. I feared then that my warning might have gone astray.” He sighs, as continues to recount  the dark narrative. “I couldn’t remain a willing captive of my own home when I know you might be in danger. So I renounced my title, I gave away my claim and access to the stronghold. Lowering myself to the status of clan hunter so I could leave and find you. But I was too late, you were already gone and well beyond my reach. I searched your room looking for any clues as to how you ended up in his hands. I found no dress, and only that in your drawer.” He nods over to the map.

“I have spent the past five years trying to correct my mistake of not going to you sooner, for not leaving with you when you asked. But when I found you again, without your memories, I had no way of knowing the choices you made or any feelings you had previous to your captivity. I kept our past from you so as to not impact your previous decisions with my own desires. If you thought me to be a monster who groomed you for my own needs, I would back away. If you were just catering to me to save the life of your brother, I wanted you to be free of that.”  His hand comes to the side of your face, with a finger dotting at a tear that had fallen from the corner of your eye. “I’m aware I don't deserve it, but please I must know. What was your decision before I let you down so horrifically, what was it that led you to be in his custody?”

“I never felt pushed to stay by you because of my brother's condition. I had no wish to marry nor leave with another, it was never simply about journeying outside the castle for an adventure. I wanted to be with you. Those six months we spent apart only confirmed what I did not wish to tell you out of worry you might dismiss those feelings too. I loved you, and still do.”

Yoongi chokes out a wavering sigh of relief, lowering your head by his hand, he presses his forehead to yours. “And I you, your highness. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I didn’t listen. I just didn’t want to unknowingly imprison you by my side with-without-”

“I know.” You whisper back. “You were right to be concerned, I was young and sheltered. I do not blame you for what happened. When the blood ran out, I could wait no longer. I had to find you. I went into the town but that is the last I remember.”

“And there you were taken.” Yoongi pulls back pausing as he bites his lip. “Now that you remember. Has your desire to return home changed?”

“I-I don’t think it can Yoongi. I still have so many gaps in my past. I hope that my return will mend that, as my time with you has brought light to our own history. Despite that, even if I was whole, the loss of my brother, it-it complicates things.”

“Your kingdom needs you to have an heir, a son to maintain the line of the crown.” He swallows glumly, as you reach out to clutch his hand. “Something that I cannot give you.”      

“When my duty was just for the sake of pleasantries between kingdoms I could find it within reason to leave, but now, the kingdom’s people, the ones you’ve helped to save are at stake.”

Yoongi gives you a solemn nod. “At least now you can be certain you will not be sent away.”

“Once I return home...” You pull back, folding your hands on your lap, fidgeting while you ask the next important question of him.  “Will you plan to stay nearby like before? You will not leave me alone again will you?”

“I must. With my lower position now, I will likely be sent back into Taehyung’s land again. Though I will be glad of it, for I can not stay still while he is still hunting, and risk you falling prey to him again. And for the sake of our attachment I feel that our parting would be easier on the both of us. Especially since it will not be long before you are asked to-”

“Marry?” You let out a deep breath of air in an attempt to dispel the building weight in your chest. Is he right to think that upon your return you’ll be bound to another so soon? You hope that there would be time to find yourself again, to re-educate your mind into what it was before. But how long will that take and how patient will your parents be without the line of succession secured. You can only hope any man who is chosen will be... will be, “Though I wish it to be you who remains by my side, if my future husband has half the character of you I should be so lucky.”

“Do not say that.” His voice cracks with his hushed plea.

“Why not?”

He stands up before you, pulling you from your seat, and tucking you into his chest. He holds you there while with one hand to your back, and the fingers of the other rooting amongst your hair. He breathes in deeply, whispering the challenges to his choice. “Because it’ll make leaving you so much harder. You made my cursed existence not only bearable, but desirable. When I consider the possibility of spending my life, with the one who gave me purpose, who saw me not as a monster but as a salvation, who I came to love more than I thought possible.” Yoongi lifts your head again, directing you to look up at him. “An eternity with you, is the greatest temptation of all.”

You reach up to take his face in your hands, delivering a solemn kiss to his lips before pulling away.“If we can not have eternity, what of one moment within it? One final memory together to help us through the time we must spend apart. Can you give me that? Can you give me yourself?”

Yoongi’s mouth comes down to you in search of another, the wave of passion in his approach is so much stronger and forceful than your own. His tongue, endeavouring to taste you in a far different manner than hours ago. “You already have me, my blood, my life, my love, it’s all yours.”

He picks you up and returns you to the bed with him, tugging off his oversized shirt, while you remove your own. His mouth seeks out your neck, your collarbone, and downward soon finding the peaks of your chest. He’s soft and careful not to leave a mark as his lips tug gently on your skin. With each graze of his tongue he insights an inadvertent reaction from you, in the form of a moan or twitch. As your fingers tangle in his locks, his eyes gazing up to look for your expression. “Are you sure you wish to continue?”

You lower your hand to his face, dragging your fingers across his cheek and lips. “Yes, I can’t tell you how much I desire a memory like this.”

He stands to remove your pants before lowering back down to hover over you on his hands and knees, straddling you as you lay on the feathered mattress. His fingers trail down the side of your chest, your waist, you hip, before moving inward to reach between your folds. You inhale with the first touch of his fingers to your slit. As his index starts to stroke from the inside, his thumb circles your clit. Forcing you to groan into his mouth which comes down again to cover yours.

Once he appears satisfied with the wetness pooling around his digits. He pulls out and takes his finger to his mouth with a hungry moan. Cursing as it slips out from his lips.

Your face heats up, embarrassed by his reaction. “Surely you are making too much fuss over it.”

“You think I don’t find you enjoyable? That I can’t see, feel or taste how divine you are?”

You grin, taking pleasure words despite their boastful nature. “Divine? No, you are just too kind to say otherwise.”

“Then allow me to prove you wrong.” Yoongi smirks, adjusting to take his place between your legs.

“What do you intend to-” He answers your question before you can finish, his mouth latching firmly onto your cunt. Your words lost as he takes in a long draft, his tongue playing along darts inside of you before shifting up to tease your most sensitive spot. When paired with his fingers, which once again come to stretch your inside, you do not stand more than a minute before biting the pillow to muffle your scream. Drenching his mouth and hands with your cum.

“As I said divine.” Yoongi grins as he looks up at you, his lips glistening with your fluids. After leaving  you with no energy to debate his notion you can only nod and accept his truth. He cleans his fingers once again with his tongue, before sending them to undo the laces of his trousers.

When his cock slips free he takes your hand, guiding it along to stroke his shaft. His head falls back in pleasure, giving you the confidence to grow bolder. You sit up to meet him pulling his length down to glide along the outside of your folds and become wet with your slick.

You find to his mouth again with a kiss as he throbs against the inside of your legs and mound. “You are sure of this then?” He asks one last time.

“I am.” You promise looking into his eyes as he leans you back and guides his cock past your folds. The air in your throat catches, and your eyes flutter as you adapt to the sensation of him inside you.

The back of his fingers brushing at your cheek before folding out to cup your face. “Still with me?”

You nod back, pushing your lips to his upper chest and shoulder as you adjust to him. Yoongi lowers you back down to the bed, cradling your form as you descend. Finally cocooning you in a close embrace, with his nose buried in the nape of your neck.

His cock swells, and you arch your back in response, meeting his chest with yours. With his arm tucked around, he keeps you in that position. Dragging his hips away and towards, his thrusts come slow as your arousal coats his shaft. Every push becomes easier for you to take, but it would seem it’s harder for him to hold on. His forehead comes to rest on your shoulder a rasping grunt, as he remains inside. He changes tactics and turns to tend to your neck instead, slowing his pace to a halt, as he kisses the marked spot.

You take note of a low growl emitting from him as he continues to lavish the spot. He must hate it as much as you, his failure to come to you in time on display before him. But you know no amount of simple affection will remove the spot from view.

“Yoongi?” You ask in concern as his disdainful rumbles grow louder. Adjusting your head to get a glimpse of his pained face, you find a dampness forming in the duct of his eye.  “Yoongi, is it-”

“I hate how he continues to mark you. It shouldn’t be here between us.”

“Then take it.” You suggest, for you like him are unable to tolerate it any longer.

He looks fearful of what you ask, his eyes wide as he explains, “I’ll need to break the skin.”

“Then do it. Please, help rid me of this too.” You tuck his head back down so his lips come to rest against your neck. No longer fearing such an act with him, not after the gentleness he showed you before.

His mouth opens with his teeth dragging across the scar. There’s a brief prick of pain before the spot is soothed by his lips. Yoongi’s groans of satisfaction start to encourage and blend with your own, his arms continuing to embrace you and coddle you.

With his still mouth fixed to your neck, you feel as his tongue turns beneath his teeth, and with a swift bite he laps his own blood on to the fresh wound. The lingering pain soon falls away as the skin heals. Your head swims in a state between dizziness and pleasure, a sense of euphoria takes over.

You place your hands on his hips wanting him to resume, craving more of his pleasure. And so the thrusts return with Yoongi’s hand pressed to the small of your back, ensuring that your clit grinds against him as he pushes deeper. He dives into you to the point where you can hear the dull thump of the bed frame against the wall.  You wish you could hold on longer, you wish you didn’t have to let go, you find yourself whispering Yoongi’s name repeatedly as if it might change that. Only to be left stuttering between breaths as you claim your last climax.

He pulls out after his own release, hovering as he smiles down on the sight of you, and your legs wrapped around his thighs. After taking a moment to collect himself he goes to grab the washing dish and jug of water, dipping the supplied towel he proceeds to take care of what he left behind. You attempt to claim the cloth from him, as he lingers between your thighs, but he insists on being though. With a grin tugging at his lip each time the towel passes over your sensitive flesh and causes you to twitch.

“I will not forget this, not ever.” Yoongi whispers once finished, as he takes to your side covering you over with the blanket.

You nod in agreement, brushing the hair from his face. “When it is all done, I want you to come back to me. I don’t care how long, I have to see you again.”

“I-I will try, but I cannot promise I will survive this task. If my demise will allow me to stand between you and him then I will gladly become that barrier.” You gasp ready to argue against such a sacrifice, but one tap of his finger to your lip stops your conflict in its place, allowing him to finish. “Rest now. Think not of what we can’t change.”  

You curl into Yoongi trying to do as he suggests. Though just as you get comfortable there’s an unexpected tap on the shutters of your room, a circumstance made even more surprising when you remember yourself to be on the second floor of the house. Your vampire rises, careful to open the window so no light shines on him. Allowing a raven to make its way inside.

Yoongi is quick to free it of a rolled letter attached to its foot before releasing the bird and blocking out the window behind it. As his eyes scan the paper, his brow furrows and his hand clenches the parchment to the point where it starts to crackle in his grip. He proceeds to throw back on his clothes, not even bothering to change out his torn shirt, while keeping the letter clutched in his hand.  

“Yoongi, is something-”

“I need to talk to Seokjin. Stay here.” He growls bursting out the door in a formidable rage, slamming it behind him. You give time for him to descend the steps before crawling from your bed wrapped in the sheet and leaning your ear to the solid wood that bars you from the hall, but nothing can be heard through the thick barrier.

You can not help but fear what might be wrong for Yoongi to react in such a way. Going against his command you throw the clothes Namjoon left you and ready to exit your room. Carefully pulling on the latch of the door so as to not make a sound. You ease through the smallest crack you can muster before settling at top of the stairs, hidden from the view of the floor below. The voice of the vampires trailing up from the main room.

“You have her smell all over you, lucky bastard,” Seokjin groans. “How did she taste?”

Yoongi doesn’t answer the question, posing his own instead, with a rustle of parchment and a loud thump on the table. “How long, how long have you known of this?”

“Yoongi-” Seokjin responds, the uncertainty of his tone is a jarring contrast from your own previous interaction with him.

“Answer me Seokjin!”

“I couldn’t tell you, you gave up your position, because of her. You know there is information we must keep from the hunters in case it falls into the wrong hands. I’ve known this to be the truth since you first went to recover her from Taehyung. We all knew it was your primary goal to retrieve her, but I wasn’t allowed to say anything that might cause a change in course from you. If you had known you would not have led her this way.”

“So you kept me in the dark? All these years?” Yoongi seethes. “I promised I would take her home! And you're just now sharing with me that I can’t? You didn’t care if I knew the whole truth, just as long as in the end I brought her closer to the clan’s reach?”

“We can keep her safe.”

“No, she deserves her life away from us. She has been tortured enough Seokjin. How am I supposed to tell her this? She was just starting to recover, to remember her past, and to trust me again, but this... it will break her. She won’t accept this new fate if this is your only solution.”

“Then don’t tell her, don’t give her a chance to refuse. She accepted your blood, did she not? Use it to send her off to sleep and don’t wake her again until she’s resting comfortably behind the clan’s walls. You can return to your old life, Hoseok will grant you your title back if you do this, I’m sure of it. You can be the high keeper again, with your princess safe by your side.”

There’s a loud clamour and groan, prompting you to peak just around the edge to witness the struggle. There on the table, Yoongi has pinned Seokjin, his fingers wrapped around the vampire's neck.

Seokjin doesn’t appear to be too put off despite his situation, choosing instead to give advice to the one who has him by the throat. “You’re immortal Yoongi, she is not, you need to remember that. Her sadness will be only temporary if she chooses to hold it against you, but if you go against us now you will be alone, without a clan for eternity.”

Yoongi stands there in silence, no more refusals, no more rebuttals. Instead of continuing to argue on your behalf, he nods and lets Seokjin up from the table. His fellow vampire claps him on the shoulder and mutters, “You’ve made the right choice old friend. Hoseok will be pleased to have you back in the clan’s coven.”

While they embrace every part of you is lit ablaze with pain and anger. You both had been played, but he... he acquiesced to his puppeteer, and plans to string you up too. There’s nothing that could willingly compel you to take shelter in a castle full of vampires again... with Yoongi by your side though? You consider the notion for a fraction of a second before a resounding ‘no’ takes hold. Your younger self might have gone, and willingly so, but now the cost to you and your people is far too great.

With the growing list of broken promises, how long before the vow of safety fractures for the sake of his clan too? What is there to stop the situation from evolving into your own past with Taehyung? You can not, you will not endure that kind of life again.

With your only option being to run, your head concocts a plan to flee. Creeping back to the bedroom you crack the window open, and glance over the edge, thankful to see that there are several crates stacked close enough for you to reach with your feet. If you’re lucky Yoongi will stay downstairs for some time and have no reason to believe you’ve flown from his side. Fitting a spare cloak you escape out the window taking the map with you. Climbing down you flee towards the stables out back.  

There you find the horse without a proper name, another painful reminder of Yoongi’s promises, and inability to return. Forcing you to recognize the constant pull between you and his clan. Your heart is left broken down the line of betrayal and understanding, for how can you entirely fault him when you yourself are determined to return to your own kingdom at the expense of his happiness. In the end the both of you are left to suffer the pain of duty over love.

Not wanting to journey with such a bitter token of the past, you choose the other smaller stead stolen from the hunters instead. Mounting the horse, you ride off into the noonday sun, eager to make it home before he or his kind have the ability to alter your course.

[malereader-inserts]

Mask of Timidness

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries  Pairing: Elijah Mikaelson x Male!Reader Summary: You hide behind a mask that Elijah wants to see the real you Word Count:  1,196 Request: @marc-isthename​ “ Also like, lowkey, i wanna request a kinda shy(?) reader keeps distance with Elijah to avoid being rejected but He notices it and stuff happens. This is a request that fully and completely depends on whether you want to or not cuz that’s what I can think of at the top of my head “

It’s not you were deathly afraid of Elijah because he was a vampire and you were merely just a human being. 

You were deathly afraid of Elijah due to rejection.

Of course, you were naturally, at heart, a shy person. So, it really goes against your nature to act upon something that takes a lot of mental preparation. You prefer to be a background character, really. You couldn’t handle being the main character, sometimes, not even in your own story. If any of the Mikaelson ask Caroline, Bonnie or even one of the Salvatore brothers about you; they usually say something along the lines of:

“Oh, he’s just shy, that’s who he is.”

“(Y/n)? Shy, little, harmless (Y/n)? Just leave him be, that’s how he likes it.”

Elijah had noticed that you weren’t afraid of him or his family due to their vampirism. In fact, surpassing the getting to know stage, you were very comfortable around Klaus and Rebekah. Even, Kol, which Elijah had heard you were the most intimidated by him as well. So, Elijah doesn’t get why you’re avoiding him.

Elijah enters Mystic Grills, next thing you’re leaving because you have things to do. You’re in the Salvatore house and the Mikaelsons enters, Elijah has never seen a human move with such pace. He wonders what he has done because it’s obviously him at fault. After all, you’re not like this with his other siblings, you’re not like this with your friends who are also vampires, even Bonnie who has proven time after time that she can be a terrifying witch.

You weren’t afraid of danger, Elijah had concluded, but afraid of him.

He wanted to talk to you, without terrifying you deeply. But, there wasn’t a way to get you alone and talk to you without it seem like he was going to murder you. Elijah found his opportunity when he had found you studying at the Grill, you were by yourself - not even Matt was on shift to save you. You seem to be engrossed in what you were doing.

Elijah approached you, knocking on your table causing you to look up. Your eyes widen, you almost froze on the spot but Elijah’s warm smile melted the ice that was beginning to freeze you.

“Is this seat taken?” He asked, motioning towards the empty seat in front of you.

You shook your head, “By all means...”

You had no way in escaping without being rude, and you didn’t want to come off as rude. He sat in front of you, his smile trying to calm you down - but you know he can hear your heart racing as you looked back to your laptop screen, hoping he’ll just get up and leave.

“What are you working on?”

“Oh,” you mumbled, timid, “Just work for college, that’s all.”

You shrugged it off as if it was no big deal, that was a thing that Elijah liked about you - the shy boy of Mystic Falls. It was the fact that despite you being terrified of messing up just the simplest things and rather keep to yourself - you have a personality not many people get to see.

After the layers of shyness, Elijah is welcomed to see a boy who was very intelligent and very passionate in his works, his learning, his hobbies. There’s a fire in your eyes and tornado in your heart, begging for a destruction of art. It’s why Klaus likes you a lot, you can understand art, you understand the beauty of things. It’s Elijah loves you a lot, because whilst his brother focused on the beauty of the bigger picture, you, on the other hand, was satisfied in seeing the beauty of the simple things. 

“I often forget that you’re older than Elena and such,” Elijah nodded, listening to you, watching you tense up.

“Not that much older, just a year,” You replied, you cleared your throat and sat up straight. 

“May I ask, what do you major?” Elijah asked, his head tilting to the side. 

“Classics, I’ve always favoured the mythology - lets me escape the reality we face,” You replied, a small smile on your face appeared, “Plus, I get to learn about the arts and literature of Greeks and Romans - What’s not to love about it?”

Elijah beams further as you spoke, you realised you were about to ramble as you felt a blush within your cheeks, sinking into your seat. Hoping maybe if you sink enough, Elijah will stop talking to you.

“(Y/n)?” He says, slowly and there was a calming tone within the way he had spoken your name, “I am...”

There are a dozen words you could describe. Handsome, caring, compassionate, drop dread gorgeous, intelligent, but the word he had said took you back.

“...scary?” Elijah finished, he had never seen someone shoot up in the seat so quickly before, “I was just thinking since you have always seemed to avoid me.”

“No!” You exclaimed, “No, of course not, in fact - as much as you are an original vampire who shall be feared, you are the least of the family that scares me.”

“Then why do you avoid me?” Elijah finally came asking.

You should have known this question was coming, you had spent a week before fantasying about your life with Elijah if you have any courage to ask him out then another week, hiding away and avoiding Elijah at all cost to save you the lasting embarrassment when he inevitably says no.

“I’m not avoiding you,” way to go (Y/n), nice one in lying straight to a Mikaelsons’ face, “I have no reason to avoid you.”

“Oh, I just simply curious that’s all, as to why my siblings often talk so highly of you when I barely see you,” Elijah commented, “I’d like to know you more, (Y/n), you are simply extraordinary in what you are - I hope you are aware.”

“That’s where you’re wrong Elijah... I’m just me, simple.”

“No, you’re more than that. And I think you’re worth knowing, so please tell me why you have been avoiding me. Have I done something to upset you?”

Your shoulders slump in defeat, “I like you, Elijah-”

“And I like you as well.”

“No, I mean, in child’s terms. Like like you, Elijah.”

“Oh-” Elijah had not realised that escaped his mouth as you looked at him with tightly closed lips, looking anywhere but him as you made an attempt into making yourself small, “Well, I also, like like you.”

You snapped your head at him to look at him, Elijah was concerned you were going to give yourself whiplash, “You do?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I? I’ve said it before, you’re simply extraordinary. I see the passion in you, you’re handsome, you’re intelligent. There is a person behind the mask of timidness that I’m dying to know, to love, to cherish. Please allow me to do so...”

“Are you sure?” You asked, in a small voice, “What if you don’t want me anymore?”

“Absolutely not, my dear,” Elijah reassures you, “There’s a fire in you that keeps me warm. It would be a mistake to let that go.”

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

35 Q’s for Fanfic Writers

From this post

I’m having a shitty, rude alter-y, crap night so I’m just going to answer all of these to distract myself and focus and to not bother anybody just making my own post and putting it under the cut btw, notice to anyone not aware: since I’m moving I won’t likely be updating anything until I’m done doing so.

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing?  (No downplaying yourself!) 3/5? Could use more editing and description and can be weirdly paced.

2. Why do you write fanfiction? Because it’s better than focusing on pain 24/7. 

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? I don’t seem to have a specific narrative voice that people recognize but I’m pretty proud of mostly organic dialogue. 

4. Are there any writers that inspire you? as a rule i never look up to anybody for inspiration but there’s some stuff in my ao3 bookmarks I fawn over.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of? Right now, none of them. It changes normally, anyway. If get too proud then I’d get my ass kicked by RSD if someone didn’t like it so it’s safer this way

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily? Dialogue. 

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most? Organic description, poetic language kind of stuff. I can paint a scene but I’m not so great with bring out out a feeling with description alone.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write? Janus and Virgil are probably tied. They both have things I struggle with but I don’t have to go back and do much adjusting of language and tone with them. Though admittedly my Virgil is signifigantly more foul-mouthed than canon and I tend to prefer pre-AA feral asshole Virgil.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write? Patton. I write him the least, so people can probably tell. I love Patton, I really do, but it’s so hard to keep away from fanon Patton. 

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for? Angst w/ H/C obviously. Or if you’re talking about regular book genres, Fantasy. I fucking love fantasy world building.

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most? Trauma. I blame Daeram. As if Ayri isn’t a giant Angst Demon.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about. Slopes. I’m really into it. I’ve got three one shots running right now. Patrons can read the first part of the unnamed cat remus one, there’s also a coffeeshop au tropey nonsense one like eglantine & lycoris, but Slopes is addiction angst. Mmmmm. Virgil is addicted to coke and alcohol and will listening to his friends even be in time? Who knows, especially not me, but there’s already over 30k. 

13. First fandom you ever wrote for? InuYasha. Or was it Harry Potter? Or shit, The Blue Sword? Fuck, I’ve been writing for a long time, I really have no idea.

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for? Sanders Sides. The characters are the perfect dynamic for writing since they exist in balance of each other and the popular, easy to project on archetypes featured are incredibly fun to do basically any scenario with.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for? Weird storywise? Kingdom Hearts? I can’t even follow the plot anymore. Weird Fandomwise? Sanders Sides. Its simultainiously the fluffiest and angstiest nonsense at the same time.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? Vampires. Gay ones. Gay Vampires. I also love calm tol and angy smol.

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for. Any tropes that normalize incredibly toxic behaviour or tropes that are inherantly ableist, but I can’t think of any.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written? Incorrigible continues to be complete nonsense.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between? AUs. I mean closest I even have is canon-divergence other than a single short.

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff? I like it when there is gay nonsense along with a plot that is treated as more important than the relationship the most. But I like both. There’s more shippy stuff in tss so i read more shipping action by default.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!) Anxceit/Sleepxiety, but in general, give me darksides or give me death/j

22. Do you listen to anything while you write? Almost everything I write has a special playlist I listen to to help me write it, but otherwise I listen to my Nyan playlist, an alter is picking the tunes, or a voidfam playlist. I never have music off. When my internet is down I just listen to the songs I own or Anxiety’s theme on loop.

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas? I’m fine with all of them. I love working with prompts but I tend to deviate. And I’ve never done a challenge since I can’t do deadlines and bad things happen bingo never sent me a card and I applied three times.

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works? I am generally multi-chaptered stuff, but I’ve been working on a few one-shots lately that are much longer than most one shots.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them! I was originally thinking of doing some little 13-year-old Dreaming!Roman (y’know, the one with a job) shorts but it turns out I just had an alter of that little bastard and that’s why I inexplicably know more about him then I ever even considered. I still might do them after Dreaming is done. But that’s paced so slowly who knows when that might happen. Otherwise I put stuff in my notes and just do shorts of it if I’m like “oh you know what’s cool???” but since I can’t daydream maybe this question doesn’t apply to me.

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try? I want to do more autism stuff, and I’ve had it demanded a few times, but I’m scared of being that explict about it for some reason. Possibly because I might be, possibly because I’m scared of doing it wrong even though I’ve accidentally coded multiple characters autistic. I’m scared of explictly tagging them as such, too. 

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received? That I can remember off the top of my head? I’m going with one from @a-genz-with-trauma-and-kins. It really helped me out and was just so kind and literally the best christmas gift I got in 2020. 

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing? I can handle it alright but Daeram is a little fucking pissbaby about it. Constructive criticism helps people get better, so I appreciate it. I can’t handle critism that is incomplete, though. “i just don’t get it” or “I don’t know I don’t like it” kind of things. If I can’t understand the why to fix it then things get out of control. And then I spiral and RSD for like four days minimum. If it came from an anon or a troll, too, It might not bother me for as long. Things that are just like “this is shit and you should feel bad” just make me laugh. Couldn’t even bother to read it long enough to insult me proper? I don’t care.

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out? I have a few times. Mostly in shorts and prompts, I think. I think they turned out okay. They’re not particularly inspired or anything.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst? Depends on my mood. Am I triggered? give me the fluff. Am I vibin? Angst. 

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them! Fuck, fam, no, I can’t, I have so many. I have multiple original stories and some of them have very large casts and like holy fuck. Or do you mean in Sanders Sides fandom? Um, Morgan and Thorn in PD. The lesbian and her himbo dynamic. I love them. They’re dorks. Morgan is strong person with sharp tongue and soft romantic heart and Thorn is just so kind and so dumb and so exciteable he’s like a puppy. They were just filler characters and I got attached to them. Felton even gets redemption for being an ass later in PD, like oof i never intended to include so much OC content, especially for names I just picked randomly. 

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less. nope I’m doing all of them because these are fun plea for my new self: 2 gay vampires, 4 humans, 1 braincell dreaming while I wake: trauma child needs therapy and so do you break: big oof, oh dragons, oh why, go virgil go rebuild: virgil is so not okay there’s more virgil to deal painful death: gay teens drink themselves into a new religion stargazing: whoops we didn’t realize people actually cared whole castle: everyone will throw down for kid!patton, even you incorrigible: found family with a shot of psychological horror and crack dangerous instincts: wholesome crime syndacite action  slopes: addict gets mugged and thinks that’s just fine with him conflagration: logan avoids everything ever like a champ cat!remus: bored fae shifts gay pining from one person to another  caffeine cyptids: caffinated gay panic goes faster than regular gay panic eglantine & lycoris: more tropes than you can toss a shoe at storytime: overpowered virgil also overreacts literally always

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process? an alter and I write together and I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen, what I’m writing about, or even what year it is. I often don’t even remember what I wrote. There’s no outline. I have an idea and I pick things at random for it. There’s just notes and an evil gleam in a demon’s eye. The only reason I know more than readers is because I take a long time to edit and some of these stories have fucking alters up in my head who can tell me things. Daeram tells me nothing. The writing demon supposedly has all this knowledge but I have absolutely no clue because he does not talk to me, he just fronts and slams out 9k in a few hours or we cofront to write and I’m like “oh no she didn’t” while typing 

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of. i’m fond of the entire painful death series and I tried to find something I really liked without spoilers in stargazing and I couldn’t so here’s a random thing from incorrigble: “So, what do you do with your friends?” Patton continued on with a megawatt smile. “Grand larceny,” Virgil deadpanned and glared at Patton, who was taken aback. Remy and Andy just broke out laughing while Virgil tentatively sipped his still-too-hot-cocoa. 

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!  slopes my dudes slopes i have learned so much about cocaine! like wow! I thought for a minute it was going to end with MCD around 30k but it swtiched from whump to hurt/comfort and I still don’t know if it’s going to be MCD but look at that funky little coke/alcohol addict go, it’s a medical wonder he’s alive! It’s not like there’s what seems to be a little talked about interaction between alcohol and cocaine that causes a toxic chemical to build up in the liver which can result in liver failure and sudden death at basically any moment! Which is part of why it may result in MCD but this time no ghosts! maybe it’ll be h/c with whump elements or maybe it’ll be whump with h/c elements we can’t know for sure

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Love Will Take You (Chop and Change, Part 8.)

Series descriprion: Twenty years ago, you’ve given a promise to a boy who claimed to imprint on you. Against your will, you decided to keep it and to visit La Push just to see if anything has changed.

Part summary: This is a cliché fantasy and you will let me live through it.

A/N: So, I was thinking about deviding into two chapters, but I’ve decided against it. It wouldn’t have as much impact. So, it’s kinda long, but also kinda sweet and sometimes even funny. 

Also, let me live about Rosalie being a nice character; I love her and I honestly think she’s not the person Midnight Sun tries to convinces us to think she is... Because I simply believe that she had enough of Edward’s mind-reading fuckery and acts ‘shallow’. Also, have a bold Alice, because she isn’t by any means the fragile lady movies want us to believe - she’s pretty badass, tbh. And loving, supporting dad/brother Carlisle? YES by all means. 

Inspired by none other than Christina Perri and her Thousand Years (feat. Steve Kazee). (IT STILL SMACKS)

Warning: It’s highly recommended to read the Football Time miniseries first since this contains an unlike pairing which is explained in the series, also the circumstances are given there.

Word counter: 8.7 K

Tagging: @nemodoren​. @missdictatorme​

Spotify playlist:  ✨ Twilight Crackheads ✨

Series masterlist: H E R E

It was way worse than you had imagined. Dear Lord, Alice put every tactic to make you suffer in use. At least the didn't bring the sandpaper and didn't start to brush your skin to make it more... Appealing, if you will. But you've enjoyed Alice giving you so much care.

There was a ton of questions in the evening - are you nervous? Do you think that something will go wrong? (To which Alice answered 'Oh please... With me being the organizer and Emmett the man of honor? Nothing can go wrong.') Are planning some honeymoon? Where will you go? Especially Sue and Leah were carefully tiptoeing around the topics of your nervousness and cold feet. But you just smiled and answered... - "When you know it's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, nothing can stopping from marrying them." - With this, you looked at Leah who held sleeping Samantha on her chest. She could precisely understand what you had on your mind by saying that. Bella could understand to some extent, but imprinting was a stronger bond than some... Dumb blood singing or whatever she had with sad Ed.

Truly, it couldn't be seen that anyone in the Cullen would be preparing for a wedding. In the morning, when the kids and most of the women woke up, you were still dressed in a velvet robe - trying to stay away from Alice the longest you could. It was your smell that was giving your location away as she dragged you back to her room every time, making you sit on a stool as she prepared you for the whole day. - "You're gonna be so pretty that you'll make him cry." - The small woman jolted with a happy smile, whipping a small make-up brush out. - "He's going to cry either way." - Bella mumbled from reading a lifestyle magazine and Leah, who was just trying on her dress, with Rosalie's assistance, looked at you funny in the mirror. The rest of the women, mostly the moms and their kids, were in the dining room, eating their breakfast. - "Yeah. It's Seth. Wear a potato sack and you'll still make him the happiest." - The Quileute woman rolled her eyes, making you laugh out loud. Rosalie burst out of laughter to the back of her palm, but it wasn't quite enough for Alice to not hear her.

"Oh, stop it." - Alice threw an angry gaze to all of them while simultaneously prepping your hair into a comb, so it wouldn't be in her way. - "This isn't helping. We're gonna make her look the best." - At that, she gave you a warm look, leaning in to quickly kiss your temple with a loving smile. The last member of the family was finally getting married. Oh, Alice couldn't be happier.

To be honest, no-one made Alice take charge of all the wedding preparations - like location, decoration, food, alcohol, DJ, and other things. Alice just told you with a straight face - just the evening after Seth had proposed, but still before you thought about the Volturi when you just got home from your soon-to-be workplace when your phone rang. It was a FaceTime call. From Alice. With a furrow, you picked it up.

Before you could say hi, she started talking. - "So, here's what we're going to do. I was thinking about June, but August will have better weather, therefore," - "Alice, stop for a minute. What the hell are you talking about." - The man turned his head at you from watching the match, curious about the call. - "Seth had proposed, right?" - Alice asked and her eyes widened as if she just told you some secret you weren't supposed to know about. - "Oh, did I just blew his cover? Damn!"

"He proposed, today, yeah." - You answered with a hint of fear in your face. First off, Alice must've seen you in a white dress or something - she couldn't visualize the proposal itself solely because Seth was a werewolf and she... Couldn't see them. Or anyone's when it entwined to a wolf's in some way. She had to see some part of your wedding day in that scenario. - "Well, obviously, I'm calling to tell you what we're going to do, dummy. Don't worry about anything, me, Emmett and Rosalie will gladly assist you with everything." - Something in the way she said everything made you shiver in fear. Seth was watching the exchange with wonder and joy in his face - the wedding was sure to happen. He didn't know where, when or who'll be there, but you will be his... Wife. Someday in the future, of course. - "Alice, stop yourself for a fucking minute. He proposed... Like three hours ago and you're already thinking about a date. Unbelievable."- "We gotta start somewhere. So, I was thinking..." - "Goodbye Alice! Have a nice evening!" - You cried at the screen of your phone, waving at her before you ended the call, putting the phone in quiet mode. Then, you sat next to Seth and cuddled closer, enjoying the personal heating Seth was. - "Goddamn foreseerers, I tell you that." - A low whisper filled the room when Seth kissed your temple, making you scoop even closer. After that, you both paid attention to the football match.

This small road bump didn't stop Alice from taking the creative freedom of starting with planning every small detail. She was sure before you admitted it will be better that way, that she'll be the one who will take care of the planning.

There wasn't anything she could tell for sure - she didn't know who'll drink too much and wolfs out, who won't make it or how the whole day will be overall. But she could see small glimpses and details. The wedding, as most things she planned, eventually became her full-time obsession, just for a few weeks, until the moment she had all the details planned out - especially after the call you've given her. In this call, you've agreed to have Alice as your coordinator. But only if she'd let Emmett be the man of honor. To which she, of course, agreed.

In the end, the wedding was yours. The first time happens only once - and even if you'd decided to renew your wows and the whole marriage after some time, it would never be the same wedding. You were immortal... But what about your family and friends? Jacob didn't seem to be stopping shifting anytime soon, but Sam, Emily, their kids, and kids of their kids? They won't be there anymore.

It was unconventional to have a best man instead of a maid of honor, but it was supposed to be your day. And Seth's day, of course. Alice didn't say a word against it. At first, she tried to tell you a date you should choose, but in the end, she'd be able to prepare the wedding anywhere and anytime. To her pleasure, you, on your free will, picked precisely the day she was interested in.

With making the details regarding you, she had no trouble - she already saw the dress you were about to wear. This time, Alice was more careful with affecting your opinions, showing you many versions of different dresses before settling on the one she already knew you're going to pick. Even if Alice wanted to come to La Push, stay with you, and to talk with you eye-to-eye, you made her talk everything only through FaceTime.

This was making Alice go crazy - you were working in your veterinary clinic, Seth was working at the kindergarten, so she had to wait for most of the days. Yet, more importantly, she had to talk with Seth about everything. Since Alice made up that she'll make sure about every small thing is perfect, she couldn't see him in her visions at all. Small glimpses of you, when the dogs weren't around you, but there was a void other times.

And this led you to the present moment. Alice was playing with your hair in perfect, mechanical movements. She wasn't just making a haircut, she was making the perfect one. Rosalie was helping the other bridesmaids with trying on their dresses, tailoring small details at the last moment.

Bella was sitting on the bed, for the most part, sometimes, she got up and helped the bridesmaids when Alice felt there might a small bump on the road. It never was anything that would create any problem, yet Alice was proud of her parties and weddings were always perfect.

The dress was hanging in a huge plastic bag, carefully leaned into one of the dresser's doors. Emmett was supposed to make sure Sam's place will be beyond ready for your big day. It was supposed to be a nice, breezy late summer day with the sun here and there, so the first thing they were doing was that they put up two high beams in the middle of the meadow next to Sam and Emily's place, covering it in a huge piece of almost invisible, thin fabric. It was just enough to let the light in, but it was a safe bet against any of the vampires shining. A safe, reasonable choice.

The last part of the make-up process was to put the actual make-up on your face. Alice completely covered the mirror in a piece of cloth, painting you like a piece of art. She refused to show you before the women will have a careful look at you - you've been scared when you walked the stairs down, still dressed in the velvet robe, showing yourself to your bridesmaids. Sue started crying even before she saw you and this alone almost made you cry as well. - "Not a chance. You're not ruining this." - Alice mumbled and wiped the tears before they got out. Rosalie was sitting in the back, softened by the overall atmosphere, hiding her small smile. But Leah wasn't. - "I kinda see why my little brother fell for you now. Wow. Alice, you've overdone yourself." - The woman stepped to you, admiring every small touch of Alice's brush. - "Excuse me?" - Sam added from the back with a giggle, making you sure she's just joking. - "You've been the most beautiful woman I've seen, of course, but you have to admit..." - "It suits you. I need to borrow you sometimes, Alice." - Samantha ended the conversation and just before you've been allowed to look at your damn face in the mirror, you heard Alice mumble 'Anytime you need. I'm kinda bored these days' as if she didn't prepare the wedding a whole year ago.

The person you've been looking at in the mirror... It was you, undoubtedly, but each small tap of the brush, every eyeshadow blended and every small spinner she used had their meaning. Damn. You were a hell of a bride. If Seth wouldn't come to see you in front of the priest, he'd be genuinely dumb.

When all of the dresses have been tailored by Rosalie and Nessie, who was more or less just watching the blonde working and everyone had their make-up and hair done, this time, both Bella and Alice put their hands to use, you've set on your way to Sam's.

Emily wasn't comfortable with being one of your bridesmaids, showing her face to everyone. So, gently, you've all told her that she's breath-taking - it wasn't that you'd all just come up to her and just spilled the tea out. No. You all came to her at a different time and told her so subtly she might have not caught it. Yet when you arrived at Sam's, she was glowing with healthy confidence.

The whole meadow was undergoing huge preparations - the dedications were yet to be set, but the seats were prepared. Which was followed by a question, while you and Alice sat in the car alone, waiting for the men to move out of the house for you. - "Dear God, Alice, how many people have you invited?" - You wondered, watching Emmett putting a name tag on each of the seats. His expression reminded you of a small, fifth-grade boy who was doing his homework. - "Most of the seats are just for the people from La Push. Seth has a lot of friends, which might surprise you. You haven't seen them all together? I've sent an invitation to the most members of the pack and their families - and they've accepted. Then, there are seats for your bridesmaids, of course, and their partners. Emmett hotheadedly wanted to be the only one standing behind you. You've allowed this, remember?" - Suddenly, Alice's eyes were on you as her palm gave you a slight idea of which section is meant for whom. - "I did." - "And then, there's the Denali pack."

"You invited these two? Alice!" - It was nothing but an angry hum coming out of your lips. - "They won't come. Or at least they didn't decide yet. It was just decency to show that you care." - "But I don't care." - This one was less angry since Alice didn't see them coming. Dear God, you couldn't stand these sisters, ugh. You didn't even know why you've just... Didn't understand each other from the very beginning. - "Listen to me. Here's what you're going to do." - Suddenly, the small girl was turning you to look her in the eyes.

"I get that you're nervous," - "I'm not." - "You'll be, don't worry. But even through that, you need to make sure that everyone will put their dresses on and help with the rest of the things, yeah? Me, Emmett and Jasper will be working on the decorations and catering." - By the worries in her voice, you'd say it's the most important job in the whole world. It was just putting the dress on, that was it. It wasn't that deep. Alice knew nothing can go wrong, if there was something that could do wrong, she wouldn't leave the house until she would destroy the source of the trouble. - "Sure. Whatever." - You smiled back at her.

At that, you both jumped when Edward knocked on the rolled-up window of Alice's canary yellow Porsche he gave her years ago. Alice turned her eyes at him, nodding with a smile. - "The way's clear." - With that, she opened up the door and let you get off. - "See you there, Canadian." - The small woman whispered before disappearing out of the car like a shadow.

From that moment, Edward was about to help you with the rest of the preparations. Not to look at the women changing, no, just in case the groom would like to get close. Alice could be old-fashioned in this. There was a zero chance Seth would see you beforehand, ruining the big moment at the aisle. Immediately, you went for a hug. - "Hey, how was last night?" - You mumbled, slowly leading him to the house. Edward first grinned at the question before he slipped his palms into his pants and followed you. - "It was... How to describe it... It was wild. Your almost-husband got so drunk we had trouble waking him up." - "Did Jacob took some photos? I would love to see that." - Edward laughed again, now at some memory flashing through his brain. - "Just to the part before he hammered himself." - An unpleasant grunt came out of you. - "I've missed all of the fun, come on. How's he doing? Still sure about what he's doing?" - You asked with a smile as you entered the door. Edward checked that the door is closed before following you deeper into the house.

Once more, it was filled with pleasant chatter and laughter coming from all of your bridesmaids. - "I shouldn't tell you that. It's against the rules, you know? Can you imagine how hard it's for people who don't have any friend who would be reading minds?" - The man asked, watching Bella and Nessie playing with his daughter's hair to fix it in place. - "Ugh, don't be ridiculous. I can't imagine." - "He's just nervous. I've been nervous too, back when I was about to marry Bella. It's nothing. No cold feet, no thoughts about leaving... The man wouldn't stop in front of anything that might get in his way to the priest." - The vampire sighed with a gentle smile lingering on his lips. - "I'm amazed every time I look into the mind of someone, who had imprinted. There's so much love, adoration, endless... The emotion can't be described by words. Trust me, that boy isn't running away anytime soon." - With that, Edward stopped as you entered a full room of women, who already started to put their dress without your help - they must've been instructed by Alice as well.

The time was flying incredibly fast, maybe faster than you were able to realize. And just like Alice told you, you were slowly getting nervous. At first, the feeling snuck just past your radar, until it crept into your head - and since then, you couldn't keep your head straight. What if you weren't pretty enough? What if you change your mind about this? Was this the right choice? Were you sure about what you were doing? Edward, who heard every small thought that passed through your brain, didn't tell you a word about trying to keep it together. Hell, everyone knew you were nervous as hell. Who wouldn't be nervous before getting married?

As the hour was coming closer and closer, as you glanced out od the window, you realized two things - the meadow was finished. Alice did just as she told you - there wasn't a single flower misplaced, the aisle was prepared, the chairs were lined up perfectly, geometrically. You were almost sure that Alice had a sketch of every small detail her visions allowed her to see, and she used all of them now. The second thing you've noticed was that... Almost all of the guests were there, gathering and chattering while slowly finding their seats. You could see Charlie, who was looking at Sue's dress. Paul, Jared, and Jake already appeared there too, all of them dressed up in perfect tuxedos. - "It's here." - You've heard as you watched the people through jalousie. It was Alice, slowly dragging your dress out of the plastic bag. Suddenly, she looked at you and her expression froze for a small minute until she smiled once more. - "Sure, you can run away into the woods, cross the border to Canada and disappear. But you won't do that, come on." - Carefully, Alice held the dress for you and waited there until you slipped your calves and thighs through the skirt before she made sure to put the torso part up.

"What do you know? I can make it, it's not even that far. I can hide so well that you nor Edward won't be able to find me." - You mumbled under your breath, while the small woman's hands worked on the buttons on your back. She was as fast as lightning. Dear Lord, you almost freaked out when you felt the velvet corset hugging your chest. Sure, you almost couldn't feel it on you, it just surprised you that it slipped without any problem. - "You won't do it because you're in love. Come on." - Alice was sure of that. - "But what if I fall and smudge the make-up?"

"Who are you? This is the biggest human thing I've heard you stressing about in years. I have two things that might calm you down." - The woman was now almost finished buttoning up the back of the dress, slowly getting to make the dress merge the right way. It had so many layers. Maybe too many layers. The work regarding laces was extraordinary - you haven't seen a dress made with so much love. Alice surely paid way too much for this - even if you made her pay all of it from your account, you still felt kind of bad for it. - "For starters, you're a vampire, silly. You wouldn't fall and smudge your make up... Ever. Vampires aren't this clumsy, darling. And the other thing is... Carlisle wouldn't let you." - Just when you started to crack a smile, two teenagers from La Push invaded into the room. One of them was holding the camera, obviously making sure the whole wedding was documented. You've heard Alice's murmur - 'Don't worry, we hired a team of professionals as well. But the boys were so excited to do that, I couldn't stop them from doing this.'

The boy interviewed you for a bit, asking about things that were clear as a day - they asked if you're nervous or not, how were you doing so far, it was mostly making you laugh. Maybe way too much, because the nerves and anxious thoughts were now imprinted into your whole behavioral pattern - but when you saw the footage once it was completed, you seemed to be a happy bride who wasn't stressing about anything in the world. In addition to that was when Liam, the younger and taller one, asked you if you love Seth. It was a simple question, but the way you answered was immediate, almost as if you didn't even think about the question at all. As if it was a pure fact.

Soon, you realized why you hear such rumble from the main hall of Sam's house. The bridesmaids and their men were slowly gathering behind each other, standing on couples, as the kindergarten kids did. Alice made the system even for this - there were three couples of vampires and three couple of La Push inhabitants, so she mixed them up as her eye pleased her to - this time, Alice herself was waking the aisle down with Jacob, who was three times bigger than her, Emmett was leading Sue, Jasper paired up with Emily Young and the biggest surprise was when Rosalie agreed to drag Sam Uley down the aisle.

To be honest, these two weren't fond of each other, but when you saw Rosalie, who was scolding Sam down about something and then both of them laughing at the said thing, it just made you grin widely. Any of the Cullens forgot about being on the La Push territory and both parties reminded the others about the smell, yet it was warming something inside you, when you saw them just being friends for the whole time Cullens were there. They were now more than just allies at that moment. - "Time to meet your accompaniment, come on." - Alice jolted almost unexpectedly, making you aware she was there with you the whole time you were staring at everyone from the window.

The guests were slowly sitting down, which told you it's about damn time. But just before you caught a glimpse of your man, Alice dragged you to the door. - "Carlisle? Prepare for the biggest makeover I've done 'til this day!" - The woman cried out. It was borderline rude, but she genuinely was proud of the fact she managed to make you look like a whole different person. - "Here we go." - The small vampire mumbled and opened up the door for you, letting a quiet high-pitched sound of excitement escaping her lips.

And dear Lord, you've stopped yourself when watching Carlisle as well. It's been some time since you've seen him in such clothes like a suit. It wasn't anything too blinding, just a normal suit as far as you were concerned, but it indeed suited him. Someone, whether someone else or Carlisle himself, slicked his hair back without a single one sticking out, and both the shirt and vest were doing him good. How could someone look both younger and older than you at the same time was beyond you at the moment, but Carlisle pulled it off perfectly?

Throughout the whole time, you've had super surprised expressions on your face, trying to decode the whole situation somehow. - "You look great." - You mumbled with a smile, realizing you were doing that. It was just a matter of minutes before you'll be walking down the aisle, giving all the guests a shy smile. - "I should be the one giving you all the compliments today. You look... Gorgeous, without a single doubt." - Carlisle smiled back, ignoring Alice's bragging about being the one who had made you look this good. - "I need to run. I already hear Jacob mumbling because I'm late and that's never a good thing." - Quickly, she kissed your cheek for the last time, smoothing over your shoulders with a small smile. - "You're not going to fall. I promise." - Just like that, Alice was gone and Carlisle was the only one standing there with you. There was a lot of hurly-burly coming from the lower floor, which gave you a sound cue regarding the approaching march.

"Are you that worried about falling?" - Carlisle asked with a hint of joking inside his topaz-like eyes. - "Weren't you when you saw Esme walking down the aisle? I mean, it's not an irrational fear." - You mumbled back at him, carefully entwining your elbow with his. With the other palm, you've picked a few layers of the skirt up, making sure you won't step on it and rip it off. - That's an unfair point. I wasn't thinking about anything other than how beautiful she looks. I was a fool in love back then and I am one even now." - At that, Carlisle finally made you walk forward. Even if you didn't realize at the moment, you've been so stiffened that Carlisle dragged you to at least the start of the stairs. You could hear how your high heels made a few deep grooves into the wood on the floor and you giggled at that. Well, you'll be the one to face Sam's fury later.

"You know, I can still make it to Canada. I'll cross the border in less than an hour." - Your shaky voice informed Carlisle in a whisper, making the blonde man honestly laugh at your concerns about leaving the whole wedding just because you were stressed. - "I know you can." - Carlisle answered back, leaving out the snarky comment about you not being able to do so. For how much hurly-burly came from the lower floor before Carlisle led you onto the top of stairs, now the room became silent. So silent that you'd hear a pin falling. Rosalie tugged on Sam's elbow pretty harshly as she smiled, not realizing she's doing so.

While she and Emmett had more than five weddings and their account and counting, you've been a late bloomer. And a boomer, according to Emmett's alligations. Damn, even sad Edward married sooner than you. But dear Lord, was it worth the waiting. Anyone had seen the dress beforehand, or the sketches, no-one than you, and Alice knew what you were planning to pull out. For a moment, you thought that something might be wrong with you - everyone who was still waiting for their cue was turned at you, scanning you from your toes to your forehead without a hint of what they were thinking. Soon, you saw the tears in Sue's eyes, realizing they most probably liked what they were looking at.

Slowly, another pair walked out of the room, making space in the small kitchen for you and Carlisle. That was the exact moment when all the nervousness kicked in. For a vampire, you've been feeling too much of dynamic emotions that day. At first, you were lethargic, then you got a bit scared, then happy when Liam was interviewing you and now, you were slowly crossing the line of freaking out. Yet as you tried to smoothen the natural looseness of the skirt while Rosalie and Sam were helping out with the flower, you felt Carlisle covering the palm holding his elbow with his. When the last pair your party slowly gathered in front of the exit, while Rosalie and Sam still mumbled jokes to each other, you've looked up to your oldest friend... Just to see him smiling into the distance as the palm continued with smoothing yours. Nervously, you got a better grip on the flower and let out a huffy breath.

How the fuck were you supposed to gather yourself? Did all brides felt this pressure of nerves? Because you felt that something will crush you any minute. How were you supposed to be brave? You could be glad that you didn't feel the other pressures humans usually were going through - like sweating, fainting, fastened breath, and ferocious heartbeat because you wouldn't most likely be standing there on that day anymore. You'd have given up much sooner. It was at this moment you felt as if you weren't courageous in your life before. Running from the Volturi? Playing tackle with the wolves? Going against Emmett in a fistfight? Where was the bravery in that? There wasn't anything more terrifying than having a wedding, you were sure of that. But Carlisle's warm, smooth voice slipped into your ear at the exact moment. - "You're doing good. Trust me. I wouldn't say that you're nervous if you weren't breaking my arm apart." - This made you smile, laugh out loud at the complaint.

"Are you proud of me?" - You asked suddenly, looking him straight in the eyes. Well, if you'd like to say it, you were kinda his mother. But since the physical age between you was barely three years, you were more like his sister. And now, he was portraying the role of his father. It was confusing and complicated for sure, but you wouldn't have it any other way. You were still a member of the family - whether you were looking at it from the changing-Carlisle standpoint or from the fact that most of the Cullens viewed you as a sister or at least a close friend. Just like Chloe, Aaron, and Ariadne - but they were seeing you way often than the tree vampires or other of Carlisle's friends, especially after you moved into La Push. The question you've asked wasn't that out of place. - "I am as proud as a father can be." - Carlisle mumbled back, making your smile even wider.

"I still can't believe he asked you for permission. I mean, it's sweet, but..." - "It's nice. He tried to make the impression here, let's give him that." - Carlisle answered and as you focused on the music for a moment, you've realized in horror that Rosalie and Sam were just entering the aisle themselves. It was your turn now. - "Sure thing, paps." - You whispered without a hint of joking, closing your eyes for a second there to breathe it out. - "Come here." - Carlisle smiled and quickly, without smudging some of the artistry Alice painted on your face or stepping on the dress, the vampire pressed a kiss on your forehead. It was partially for one of the cameras, which was filming all of the main party walking out of the house, but it did help you. - "Thanks." - At that moment, you straightened up and almost freaked out as everyone on the meadow suddenly stood up.

It was here. The music cue said so pretty clearly too - it was time. - "Are you ready?" - Carlisle whispered just before you took the first step forward. - "One can't get ready for this." - You answered when you walked out of the doorframe, making your way to the isle itself. Fuck the cameras, your face looked as if you had stunned farts and you couldn't make yourself smile. The Denali pack hadn't arrived, as Alice told you, but facing the first gazes of people who either lived in La Push and knew you or lived there sometime before, was unnerving. When Carlisle smoothed your palm again, you got the simple hint of that maybe, you should smile at the guests a bit. And so you did, quickly looking at everyone who was sitting there.

Seth had so many friends and pack/family members that some of them took even your part of the chairs. Most of the Cullens were standing alongside their partner, leaning into them with a graceful smile - but there were also people like Charlie Swan, who was hugging Sue's shoulder, quietly crying with her. Seeing this man crying made your bit on your bottom lip, smiling at him happily. This wasn't so hard. No. The hardest part came when you had to look in front of yourself. You did it, slowly, to peak at the men.

First, of course, there was Emmett, covering as much space as he was capable of. His grin was full of teeth, but even through his himbo-like expression, you could see that his eyes were soft. The priest didn't catch your attention for too long - it was just a normal guy on a not-so-normal wedding, that was all. You almost did look at Seth, you did, but you stopped yourself and quickly jumped at Jacob. Was he crying before? Did you just not noticed that? Or did he start crying now? Oh Lord, he was looking like a small girl.

Yet then you noticed why was he crying. It was just a small moment, but the whole world stopped when your eyes jumped at Seth. Since that moment, no-one was there with you. Only the two of you, from now on. You couldn't imagine how would he look in something like a suit, mainly based on the fact that you've never seen him wear anything else than t-shirts and flannel shirts, but you didn't know Seth is capable of looking this good. His hair was masterfully styled, probably by Alice, and he was crying way more than Jacob did.

Suddenly, you could tell that everything will be alright. That the nervousness was just plain nonsense. It was a matter of seconds, but it could be seen that your whole posture shifted, your smile and eyes brightened. It wasn't just the exterior of you that changed - your whole world suddenly put Seth into its center. If Carlisle wasn't holding you in place, you'd have run to Seth, trying to calm him down. Now, you were walking too slow for your liking. All you wanted to do was to make sure he's fine.

But on his defense, you were a breathtaking bride. Before, Seth couldn't quite understand the others when they told him about their weddings, about the wild mix of feelings they've been through the whole day. Now, it all made sense. It was logical. He finally knew what Sam, Jake, and Quil were all talking about. Sure, they hadn't their wedding planned by a maniac, but the feelings were still the same.

You were just inches away when Carlisle slowly planted another kiss on your forehead. With a smile, you gave your flower to Emmett, he looked great holding it, and then you got back to Carlisle and all of those wedding traditions. When the blonde vampire told the priest, that he's indeed the one who is presenting you to the marriage, you gently took the man's palms - just before you scolded him about crying. It was a gentle, loving gesture when you wiped all of the tears. You've been laughing at it with tenderness, so did a lot of the others. Just as you caught his palms again and gave him one of the crooked smiles only you could pull out, the priest started talking.

It would be rude to say that you didn't listen to the priest that much - but you weren't listening at all. Just when you heard that questions were given to you, you shortly said an answer or repeated after the man. The whole time, you made sure you won't glance away, not even for a second. The dark, chocolate eyes were everything you needed to see. And with each passing second, you knew you're doing the right thing. This was the way it was supposed to be.

The wows didn't make much sense for most of the guests, mainly because they were cryptic and filled with inside jokes only you could get, but it made the guests grin nonetheless. When it was Emmett's time to shine with the rings, while Jacob handed you the wows, he made sure he's unmissable. This made you laugh again, just because this was all Emmett and no-one else. He'd be unmissable either way, so what was the point of talking him down?

Shortly after the kiss, to your surprise, it still felt the same, the nervousness was gone out of the window completely. Now, there were no tears and no bad feelings, just a bunch of people laughing and smiling. For a short while, Alice made sure everyone waits in the proximity of Sam's house - they needed to carry in the tables and to prepare other things. If it wasn't his wedding, Seth would most likely join them without a second thought - but the man couldn't keep his eyes from you. - "I wanted to run away." - You said honestly, slowly looking around at the guests. This was the first few moments of silence you had for each other - the congratulations were coming from all directions, everyone wanted to have a short chatter with the new married couple. - "But then I realized what I would be leaving behind." - "I would come after you and dragged you back, don't you worry." - With that, the man took a good look at your all-white dress.

Seth was positive that until that day, she hasn't seen a prettier girl in a wedding dress. That was exactly what all the grooms thought and Seth knew this, since he spent a lot of time in Jacob's mind. Speaking of Jacob, he was just chatting with Bella - and they were laughing at crazy. Bella was also keen on small Sakari, who was a big girl now. The celebratory mood was in the air, and honestly, it was making you smile to see most of the people just standing around, chatting. Because you knew that when the dancing part comes, you and Emmett will show everyone what it meant to dance; after giving your first dance to Seth and the second one to Carlisle, of course.

Alice did a splendid job with planning out the details regarding the dancefloor and the place where people were about to eat their dishes. It was wonderful that even if Emily had a small kitchen in her house, Alice's people managed to cook all of the meals at a rapid pace - let alone the rest of the catering, that was done prior to the ceremony. - "She's a genius." - You muttered out before moving back to the meadow, where everything was ready to be set in place.

As the majority of the wedding go, you've done the things expected of you - eating the first dish together, cutting the cake, breaking a plate (you especially liked this one), and let guests drink and eat something, just before you sat down to listen to the speeches. There also was a small basket with cards, but you wanted to save that one for later. Sure, you were starting to feel uncomfortable in the dress - but there was a threat that if you won't have the speeches first, most of the party will get pretty hammered - at least Edward said that was what Jacob, with Emmett's full support, was about to do. This was a safer option. And you wanted to be filmed dancing your first dance in the expansive dress Alice had bought for you. Well, she let it be tailored according to a list of her wishes, but that wasn't the point.

Dear God, you loved the speech part so much. For the other guests, it might've been too long, yet as long as people had things to say, you were willing to listen. Most of the people kept it short and simple - Sue was talking about Seth growing up and how did that feel like, about the hardships and about how proud she was at that moment. Now she was the one to make you cry while she was crying as well. As you clapped for her with the others, Seth got up and pulled his mom into a big, bear hug. Jacob was talking about meeting you, though he didn't specify that it was such a long time ago and that they were playing football in their spirit animal form - he just mentioned the worries he had at the start, but being thankful he was wrong in you. Cullens probably kept it the shortest - only Emmett went out of his way to talk about your friendship. With an important smile, he rose his glass and toasted to both of you. Once there was nothing to say, Alice finally let the barman mix drinks as others wished him too. There were no worries about the small amount of alcohol; Alice did bring a lot for the La Push friends and Seth's former pack to drink.

The first dance was something. Maybe it was the fact that you and Seth rarely danced, but it could be seen that you were the one leading the dance. You've been preparing for so long, but even if Seth did something wrong, you'd find it rather sweet than something to be mad about. When you saw Carlisle at the dancefloor, you hadn't seen much of him throughout the evening, he was taking pride in you. - "Careful, you might blow up any minute now." - A whisper left your lips when you danced around. He was more adroit with dancing than Seth, but he didn't let you take the lead. For you, the dance was too slow - you couldn't wait for your dance with Emmett. - "I don't care about that. The wedding was beautiful... Esme is taken away. She cried when she saw you, you know?" - "Esme is too nice to me. You have to invite us to your wedding as well." - That was all you wanted to say during the dance, so you just leaned your temple into Carlisle's shoulder, closing your eyes while the music leads your moves.

After that, one would not be able to say the difference between this and a birthday party. But you loved it - the people were fun throughout the whole time, Jared in combination with Paul and Jake were a great bunch, but the drunker they got, the more fun it got. As you expected, soon after you changed into a less binding dress, Emmett was standing right next to you with his tux taken down, offering you a dance. What came after made most of the people widen their eyes.

The huge vampire, who would overpower almost anyone, was throwing you from one side to another. At moments, it almost seemed that Emmett can just tear your arm off your body as he spun you around. Seth was looking at it with terror - more so when he realized you're laughing. - "Don't worry about them. This is their version of an unconventional waltz..." - Edward told Seth with boredom in his voice. He saw this many times. - "Yea, they dance like this at every wedding. I can't recall when they've done it the last time?" - Rosalie joined the conversation, standing next to the groom from the other side. - "It was your wedding, Rose." - "Do you mean the one where she called Tanya a bitch?" - Rosalie asked back immediately and sipped a bit of the champagne, even if she didn't have to pretend anything. Seth, now lured away by the conversation, let his eyes wander off of you and Emmett. Edward was widely grinning into his glass - and Rosalie did so too.

Seth didn't understand their reaction, no matter how hard he was trying to. Why were they grinning at the memory of you, his wife, calling his family member such a word? Edward, hearing Seth's confusion loud and clear, looked back at him. - "It was... Nothing, really." - "Are you crazy? It almost didn't ruin the wedding." - Rosalie said, pretending to be serious, but the sparkles in her eyes disclosed her amusement at the memory. - "Wasn't Alice there to stop them from... This?" - Seth wondered. - "No. She was in Russia back then." - Rosalie smiled. - "The best wedding I've been on, honestly. But don't tell Alice I said that." - But based on the intense gaze Alice gave Rosalie, she already heard her sister.

"The thing is... The Denali pack never sat right with her - and she never sat right with them. It was both-sided from the very start. And, well, it was how it was, they got into a fight because of something Emmett said. I swear that I hadn't seen them leaving so fast before." - Edward explained simply. There wasn't that much into it - it was a conflict that happened more than fifty years ago. - "If you'll be lucky enough, Emmett won't be throwing her over the rooftop." - Rosalie patted Seth's shoulder before offering him her palm. - "As a part of a waltz, I guess?" - Seth mumbled uneasily and Rosalie smiled back at him, nodding at the suspicion. Yes, that indeed happened as well. Emmett had thrown you over the rooftop - truth be told, it was a vampire-only wedding, but there were people now. So, for that, Rosalie hoped you won't get too carried away.

Honestly, your dance with Jake made you laugh so hard you'd swear your muscles hurt from it. He was telling you pretty dumb stories about younger Seth, the bold ones you hadn't heard mixed in as well, wishing you only the best - more than thirteen times during a five-minute-lasting dance. He was hammered - and funny as hell. Both you and Seth decided to stay until the very end of the party, helping with cleaning up everything and driving the drunk guests, as Jake himself, home. Alice promised moving guys to come for all the furniture in the other morning - as well as she promised to come and help them with the whole coordination and moving. It was almost four in the morning when you finally turned off the engine in front of your house. - "Do you think that Esme will take the tradition seriously? She caught the flower and I hope to see their wedding once more. It was magical the last time." - You asked as you got out of the car - you were bringing home all of the cards because neither of you wanted any sorts of gifts from your guests, some spare food and a bottle of booze for Seth. - "She's thinking about traditions while she hasn't done all of the wedding ones herself. What a wife." - The man mumbled to your ear and made you laugh while picking you up from the ground. Seth didn't seem to be bothered with the weight of everything he carried as he stopped in front of the house, looking at the front part with a furrow. - "Through the window or the door?" - He wondered. - "Door. I don't think the window can handle both of us."

Even getting through the door was enough of a puzzle for Seth - since the door and hall in your house was kind of small, he had to figure out how to get in. And it wasn't just some romantic, out of a romance novel cliché - it was filled with your laughter and a lot of curses mumbled under his breath. But after ten minutes of persistent effort, he was putting you down in the kitchen - the only room big enough to do so. - "What do you want to do now?" - The man asked, obviously already having his head filled with scenarios, just to be shut down. You sent him a big smile, though, so Seth was able to get over it. - "I'll go over our cards while you'll have a shower." - And with a peck on his lips, you danced away with the small basked full of cards in your hand.

It was obvious that Sue had written the once she and Charlie gave you, but it was a sweet one nonetheless. Cullens stuck to a pretty similar format, all of them, except Emmett and Rosalie. - "Can I for a second?" - You asked, already opening the door to the bathroom. Then, you dramatically coughed before reading it out loud. - "'Dearest Seth and Y/N. We hope that you have found your lifetime (and longer than that) partner, we sincerely wish you all the best love and happiness, a loving home you'll have to create for yourself, and the sweetest memories.' But now, this is the part Emmett had written and dear God... 'We've taken care of her for a long time, so now, it's your turn, bro. Be patient, loving, care for her and cherish her - because she really is the best sister I've had (don't tell this to the others, I don't want any trouble). Love, Rosalie & Emmett Cullen. P.S.: We hope, from the bottom of our hearts, you'll let us borrow her sometimes, so we can play sports together. P.S.S.: You're invited too, of course. P.S.S.S.: I'm sorry if it sounded like you weren't.'" - You finished their card with a big smile on your face. It was craved in gold, glowy font into the card - so it had to go through Alice's hands, at least. But it was very sweet and very Emmett-like. When you finished reading the card, you've got back to the table.

There was one from Jacob and Jean, with Sakari's big heart on the bottom of it, from Leah and Sam, which was also very sweet - these two were encouraging you to be patient with Seth as well. You couldn't believe how quickly you got over the cards. But there was one you couldn't identify by solely looking at it. With a confused furrow, you picked it up and looked at the red letters. It was an elegant card from an expansive paper and you've surely had seen this handwriting. When you opened up the card, you couldn't breathe and panic overtook you all of a sudden. Alice had to see them. Alice had to know, didn't she?

'To the newly-wedded couple, Seth & Y/N Clearwater.' - The card started formally. It was the second part of it that was scaring the living hell out of you. - 'We wish you all the best - love, happiness, and everlasting life. We will be watching. With best regards - Aro, Marcus & Caius.' - Someone from the Volturi must've snuck the card beyond Alice's visions and Edward's mind-reading. The pack would be alerted if there would be more of them, so maybe it was one of the wedding guests, doing it unknowingly. But it did make you worry about your husband even more. They weren't planning on attacking La Push for now... But if Alice hadn't seen this, what else could fly past her radar? Dear God...

Yet just for that night, you didn't worry about Volterra or Aro, no. You were focused on spending as much time with Seth as you could. You could worry about the vampires on the other morning, couldn't you?

FIN

[dollsted]

Rated: T

Pairing: JarethxSarah 

Plot teaser: The Goblin King is dead...at least in Sarah's normal life he is...but what happens if that turns out to just be a rumor? Source: Archiveofourown.com/F0rce0fnatur3 

Notes:

Hello my bebes. So just a little address to those who continue to read this. I have always been a fan of the Labyrinth and I know nothing could touch on or pick up where Henson left off but I've put a lot of thought into how my version of the story should go. I hope I can give fans back some semblance of what we've been waiting for since the story came out. I have read all there is and watched behind the scenes and rare footage on my favorite movie and so characters that are within the novel, concept sketches, and other works will be put in here. There may also be minor oc's as well as one big one. So I say unto you. I hope you enjoy my version because the goblin king may be watching over all of us in the heaven's and no one can take his place...I bring him back to life here on the pages before you.

Chapter 1: Rumors 

When I was a child, I thought like a child. But I did not do childish things. In fact, I don’t think anyone could call what I went through childish. But that feels like a time long, long ago. Even now if I think back on it, my mind becomes a fog. And then one day I just---forgot entirely. I do remember the days after vividly. I graduated and parted with my drama club family. I struggled with my major but suddenly all these dreams and thoughts of harrowing tales wouldn’t stop springing to my mind like an unlimited fountain from a spring that burst and never dried up. At first I would scribble the stories down in notebooks when I was supposed to be paying attention to the lecture in front of me. Now at twenty, I’ve found my calling and have become one of the bestselling fantasy novelists of my generation. I’ve heard all the praises. To be so young and have one of the most sought after series. One scholar I met at a gala party in New York City told me fantasy novels were an elder mans game. The older the person the wiser the writing as if the pages were scrolled on ink and parchment paper itself. I gave them their props as they rightfully deserve, but I planned to hold my own. I’d rather contend with the older crowd than the young teen romance category. I had no interest following on the coattails of finding a way to weave a story about a werewolf or vampire. I’m just waiting for the mummy revolution to peak.

           Now, I stare at a blank page. My well is congested and I need inspiration but a deadline for my eager fans want a rushed job. No one asks a baker to take the brownies out of the oven because they’re clamoring to eat it before its ready, mindlessly spooning the hot batter into their mouth. I understand the impatience but this is why the good writers have one hit wonders, or a series, and then slowly peter out for indefinite hiatuses. I can’t just expunge something onto blank pages without inspiration to fuel my motivation. So I gaze out my window on the reading nook watching the city life buzz about. I wish I could just reach down and pull their thoughts from them and manage to get something cohesive enough to send to my editor. I wring my hands around my coffee cup too jittery to even take another sip, the perfume from my eight o’ clock brew souring in my stomach. I can hear the battery warning on my laptop but I’m frozen where I sit. I came up with different plots but nothing made sense. I would need to cram at least four hundred pages into the novel and when I got rolling and tried desperately to fill the pages with random ramblings it came out in cliché bits and pieces that made no sense.

           Tonight there would be another gala and this was a black and white only listing. I was prepared but that’s who I was. I was ready within seconds. If I was given three hours I would be ready in three minutes. Always itching to go. Why slow life down anymore? Maybe it was just my mindset as a writer, maybe it was the pressure from the public. I was already a book behind and itching to be at this gala, perform my part of dutiful famous author, and then slip away with a spoon of ice-cream in my mouth and my silk gray pajamas on my body. Suddenly a thought rolled over my mind making me feel suddenly ill. When had I become the mirror image of my stepmother? My insides coiled tight like a sailors knot and I couldn’t stand to have this cup in my hands any longer and be alone with my thoughts. I needed to keep busy to numb my mind and run on autopilot.

           I glanced at the one newspaper clipping I saved of mom stuck to the corner of my corkboard. Around her ideas were peppered on yellow sticky notes. I was stuck in my fantasy that worshipping an absent parent who left dad and I behind for the stage, for fame and fortune, had abandoned us took precedent over reality. Before my epiphany I lived in a world where she would come back because daughters were invisibly connected to their mother’s right? Like sons and fathers. I had dreams she would ride through our suburban neighborhood on the whitest steed---well in a white limo, and she would come out with a plume of feathers in a pink boa around her neck and her finest ball gown and she would announce she was here to storm the castle and take me away with her where we would live in riches and in the lap of luxury. That’s the word she was, luxury. But that’s all she was. She wasn’t a dream that would ever come true. A mirage. She was just a word. One everyone knew how to speak, and only the rich could afford to. When I finally grew into myself and knew she was just another selfish story I made up in my head, I put my scrapbook and pictures of her away. Even now they’re packed in boxes I doubt I’ll ever open. The article is recent, her career had slowly plateaued when younger famous musicians rose to fame and glory on the stages of Broadway. And in some way, I had to thank her for popping my bubble of dreams because I didn’t want to follow in her footsteps in reality. Or dad. Or my stepmother’s assumption of what I should do with my life. I needed to do what I wanted. What my heart and head wanted.

           But now I’m stuck. In a bog of eternal stench. I raised a brow. That was an odd way of phrasing something. What did that even mean? What did I even just think? Before I could grasp it and replay the sentence it was gone. I needed air. And possibly something to eat. Normally I would go for a jog before the night fell but I had an hour left to get ready so I did what anyone would do in my position. I took a much needed nap.

           As I scan the crowd I notice little things. Another perk of being a writer. People watching. Noticing details. I watched couples stroll in, one couple shied away barely making it through the door when they realized they had forgotten or weren’t notified by the theme of the party. Even champagne colored attire wouldn’t fly in the mayor’s presence. The women who wore their hair down had coiled them in delicately hanging curls that bounced as they floated across the marble floor. There wasn’t a straight haired woman in sight. I was thankful I chose last second to throw it up in a chignon before I left from the house. I had to admit I still hadn’t mastered the art of being able to glide like most of these women had with heels and dress trains. My mermaid style dress was all in black and the design made it hard to take a good stride. I never cared for alcohol. I never developed the taste for it. The most I would take is a glass of wine, any color, and that was on my worst days. But I felt foolish just holding onto the flute of champagne clutched in my hand. Perhaps I could discretely slip it on a passing tray or abandon it in a less frequented area. I longed for my settee, ice-cream, movie, and pajamas. Depending how the night shaped, maybe I’d skip it all and just go straight to bed. Since I wasn’t stalled in conversation or mindless babbling I stole my chance to discard the flute. As I turned I became arrested by a form. I cursed wishing I had my precious solitude back. A bulky man towered over me. His jet black hair was slicked back and went against the grain of men who wore the signature penguin suites of stark black. He was dressed entirely in pure white. His hazel eyes bore into me seeing me and not just scanning over my bodice as most of the suitors that had pursued me during the eve had been. I spent more time dodging the men in heat that I barely noticed if there were any noble guests not just looking out for the single stragglers for a one night stand.

           I shrunk into myself and flushed tearing away from his gaze giving a slight curtsy. As much as the restriction of my dress would allow me to bend my knees. And then I felt even more awkward because I did that. I felt my brows knit and I mentally threw myself out a window before grounding myself. I expected him to start the conversation but perhaps I was being vain. Not everyone knew about me even if I lived in a city packed with my fair share of fans. I was used to having others pounce on me with immediate greetings and questions. To stop my internal suffering I chose to open my mouth and end my misery of turning into an awkward child and reminding myself that I was an adult. Am one. Speak!

           “Good evening.” Oh good, I just used the opening line to every gothic and creepy character would use. I really floundered instead of thrived in large gatherings. I wanted to wipe the slate clean, I hadn’t realized half of my champagne had been slugged back. I became aware of the stinging in my ankles and the pain on my feet as I balanced on my heels. He parted his lips revealing pearly whites. I could see his dimples and I found my hand busying itself by brushing a stray strand that had come lose from the chignon behind my ear.

           “It is.” His smile was warm and inviting. But I was on high alert none-the-less. I wasn’t sure how to further this conversation. I’d give anything to have my joggers on so I could shift my weight side to side. It was my tell that I was uncomfortable. But I was restricted in these damn stilts.

           “Are you here accompanying the mayor in his entourage?” Aside from the orchestra playing at the base of the stairs I could hear the soft chuckle in his throat.

           “Unfortunately no. I was a plus one with the Matthew party.” I had no idea who they were but I nodded in agreement as if I did. “What about you, lady?”

           “I only got my invitation because of my status. I’m a hot ticket item until my success runs its course and someone else comes along to claim the limelight.” I whisked my flute in the air toasting to my misery and draining the glass abandoning it on the wide railing. I was drowning. I wished for my friend from college to be at my side. She was excellent at steering conversations away from my failings.

           “That’s usually how fame works. May I ask, what your profession is now?” ‘Now’? It was an odd way to say something but I disregarded it as a slip of the tongue.

           “I’m a novelist.”

           “Fancy.” He waggled his brow and now it was my turn to laugh. It came out more like a bark.

           “Mind if we speak more but actually participate in this party by dancing?” I felt my face pale. I was meant to be a statue. One that showed up, soaked up the atmosphere, and then left without being drawn into something complicated. Like dancing. That was complicated. Especially in the prison I handpicked for myself. He offered his arm and I gratefully took it stepping as if I was made of china. I literally took baby steps painfully listening to the stairs announce our decent when the butt of my heel ricocheted in the scoop of the room. I could barely get one foot in front of the other, my dress demanding my steps be smaller.

           He blessedly closed his stride into small boxy steps allowing me to move with him. He lead, and I floated in the weight of his arms. His palm spanned over my entire back horizontally. I felt like a small hill up against a mountain. The tempo slowed, the musician’s skill amazed me. They could transition from fast pace to slow and sensual within the beat of a note. Before I knew it, we too had slowed, the only glimmer of having been keeping in step to the upbeat rhythm was my fast beating heart and the bead of sweat on the back of my neck. Somewhere between that transition, his body had mingled closer to mine and now his lips were at my ear in a gentle whisper. My eyes widened. I was confused. What did he just say? Was that really what he meant to say? I felt my world splinter. I felt like a dark void inside my heart was going to swallow me whole and I would be rid of all the people and buildings around me.

           I somehow made it back to my flat on the top floor. I slipped off my shoes, wormed my way into my pajama’s and when I came back to myself I was curled up in bed holding myself not caring that my chignon was half tamed and half wild. I didn’t even bother to wipe away my lipstick, clean the eyeshadow off with the liner above my lashes. I barely got my arm into the sleeve of my shirt. I hadn’t bothered to turn the lights on or button the shirt closed. My covers lay neglected at my back, my pillow barely touching the top of my head. I was staring into the black hole hiding the corner of my wall. Tears welling in my eyes. Why was I so tore up about this?

           I felt the hot coals roll over my cheeks staining my silk sheets. My muscles were stiff, my circulation numb from sitting so still. Why was I feeling all these things that made no sense to me? The thing the man said didn’t even make sense. It sounded like a joke or something he stole out of a novel. What did he mean when he said ‘The Goblin King is dead?’ and why was my heart breaking?

           I pulled my phone from the belly of my clutch opening up the web browser searching for anything that could connect me to those words. How was I supposed to react to that? Why was it even affecting me?! My mind was screaming. I found forums with geeks talking about video game references. Millions of results were nothing more than mindless ramblings of geeks and nerds. Broken phrases about movies, books, television, games. There was no viable information present. Frustrated I threw my phone against the wall but heard it hit my vanity instead shattering the mirror. I gasped at my own failings sliding off the bed to clean up my mess. My flat was empty. It was full of things that adorned the walls and filled the spaces so it didn’t look barren but---the truth was it was just me alone living here. I got to work brushing the pieces into the dustpan pausing when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a giant ragged shard.

           Hadn’t those words meant something at one time? A title? I had an odd hazy thought that I was meant to remember something. Something significant. But my work took precedence. What that man said was nothing. If it was a message it fell on deaf ears. Maybe it was just highbrow humor I forgot to gloss in the New Yorker. But that was a business magazine and no imagination or right brained people were allowed to even grace those pages. I got the vaguest of feelings that I had been on the other side of this mirror once. A fleeting thought. I disposed of it climbing back into bed regretting the ruin of my mirror and phone. I was a person meant to be on call any time of day especially for my editor. I would rush first thing in the morning to the store to get a new phone and hastily set up my mailbox.

           I stretched arching my back like a cat reveling in the warmth my flat offered through the central air system and gazed out to the skyline barely looking back at my with a slit eye of pinks and purples. No signs of orange yet. Coffee time. The heavens answered my thoughts. I heard the timer chime awake and the maker got to work gurgling the water I poured the night before come alive. All I would need to do is feed it creamer and retrieve my mug. I tapped a key on my laptop forgetting momentarily that the battery warned me the night before I needed to charge its juice. It wouldn’t matter. There would still be a blank page and a blinking cursor angrily ticking to remind me my own time was slipping away to start a draft. I couldn’t get what the stranger whispered to me out of my head. I paced feeling the ache in my feet from my heels from the night before. I had darted from the party wanting to stretch that space between me and my dance partner. Away from his words. Away from the mocking eyes that gave me a headache and dejavu.

           It would’ve been easier to hail a cab but I felt like the world was crumbling down on me. I was choking and I needed to breach the surface and gulp lungful’s of air. And then I practically fell into the lobby before the doorman or desk clerk could barrage me with questions. I knew I was disheveled. I didn’t need to be prodded or gawked at. I clambered into the elevator fishing the key to activate my penthouse suite on the top floor. I wanted to get home. I needed my bed before I passed out here. Fifty stories up and I stumbled into my room listening to the whirling gears of the elevator haul itself back to earth while I stayed floating in space.

           I escaped the footmen who were busy busing in luggage and packages of other residents. My main focus needed to be a new phone. With my laptop dead I needed access to the internet now more than ever. I knew my editor would be trying to get ahold of me. I tried to keep my thoughts singular but after I began setting up everything on the little device I found my curiosity drawing me back to the same spot I fled from. Who was the man that approached me and I danced with? Why did he single me out? Did he know me? Was he using code that I should know? Was it a password to get into somewhere?

           All my thoughts were spinning in a jumbled mess worse than a tornado at level five and I wanted answers but only gained more questions.  

[imbumkyung]

I Saw It In A Movie One Time (ch. 3) - Almost Living

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Warnings: Cliff scene that may be triggering to some readers

“Dude I had this crazy ass dream about Twilight,” Kai pushed her words through the acai bowl she was eating, golden sunrays shining through the windows of Kalakoe’s shaved ice shop.

“I had this crazy ass dream you didn’t talk while you chewed,” Miko retorted

“I had a dream I was straight,” CJ joined in. The girls both snickered. Li let out a wheeze.

“I haven’t heard shit about twilight since I was in like fifth grade,” Li said

“The only one who matters is Seth,” Miko commented, pointing with her fingers waiting for everyone else to agree.

They did. “He was really the hottest one though,” CJ agreed.

“I always liked the vampires more, to be honest,” Li confessed, earning twisted faces of disapproval

“You’d rather be cold and dead than a sexy wolf?” CJ questioned

“You’d rather be dead?” Miko repeated CJ’s question, only this time it seemed to be directed to Kaileia

“You’d rather be different?” Li interrogated Kai, “You wish life was different?”

“You wish to live a different life?”

“You’d rather be with different people?”

“You want to be away?”

“You don’t want this life anymore?”

“What would you give to let it go?”

All at once, these questions about how ungrateful Kai was for her regular life arose only to beat down on her, each time becoming more intense, until she woke up with a start.

-

It was already 3p.m. Kai was really not adjusted to the time in Forks. That little bit of Kauai she had in her dream kept her warm for no longer than a second. A cloud came over her entire being— she missed her friends. They hung out once in a blue moon but they had the best times when they were together.

She got up with a start— not ready to waste any more of the day. Maybe she really was locked in this reality. This can’t be a dream if she literally just woke up from one.

Standing in the shower, cleaning herself of all the grime she’d collected after a whole day of stress-sweating and perhaps not even showering after the accident in the ocean, she thought, “How did I end up here? How am I gonna go back home? If I really meet anyone, will it change how the story ends? Could I be stuck here? ”

How am I going to make money? Holy shit do I have any money? Plot hole. I mean, Twilight had a lot of plot holes, anyway. Maybe I’m rich.”

She shook her head. What was she thinking?

She towel dried her hair and caught herself in the mirror for the first time she’d been there. She realized her skin was definitely darker than everyone else there, she still had all her tattoos and ear piercings, so her appearance hadn’t changed thank God.

Walking into her room to prepare herself for the day, she realized she didn’t actually have any plans. No school, no job— money. Do I have any money? She dug her wallet to find it only having $200, the same amount she had when she left Kauai. It’s a good amount, but how long can it last? And how long will she be here?

Note: get a job soon

“Tinder would be great right now” she thought

Meeting new people to give her a tour, something to keep her busy would be great. It was almost no different from her home, in her room, wishing her life was more exciting.

Walking to the computer, she googled: “Things to do in Forks”

She sighed after 10 minutes of searching, the only barely interesting thing she could find was “Hoh Rain Forest” and “Quileute Indian Reservation”. She clicked on the forest, only to shudder at the memory of Victoria in the second twilight film, where she turns humans into vampires for a newborn army. “Definitely not going there. It could damn me into this reality forever,” She thought.

Her mouse hovered before clicking “Quileute Indian Reservation”, eyes lighting up at the words “La Push Beach”. She didn’t remember anything significant from the movies about a beach, so she decided this would take up some time while not interfering with the Twilight storyline

Driving without phone navigation was hard. She’d never paid attention to the names of the road or names of the freeways. Only where to turn and where to exit. So the destination to La Push Beach was longer than the 30 minutes it was supposed to take.

After finally reaching the cloudy and cold beach, she sighed. Kauai would never do me like this. Reluctantly, she stepped out. There was nothing else to do at home so might as well spend a day at the gloomy beach than alone in a gloomy room. She decided not to swim, the water was unfriendly and very much like ice. Walking along the coast, memories of her old life ran through her head. Oh, what she would give to have it all back. Sure, this was a fantasy world and the worst thing that could happen was that she died here and awoke back in her old li—

Wait a second.

She quickly spotted the cliff where she saw the other wolves in the movies jump. That means it couldn’t have been so dangerous, and having cliff jumped herself back in Kauai as she grew up, it wasn’t too scary either. However, the heavy rain that started falling and the tides that roared louder warned everyone else on the beach to stay away. As they all fled back to their cars, she made a start for the cliffs.

After nearly slipping and dying on about a thousand rocks, she finally made it to the top. This was definitely not the cliff that the wolves jumped off of, but her memory of the movies were so foggy that she was sure this was the one. That she’d drown herself and die with no damage done to her body and wake up in her old life. Looking off of the edge however, the boulders that were too close to the surface and where she would land said otherwise. It’s okay. It would happen fast and almost painlessly, and she’d be gone from this life.

“Don’t!” A booming voice yelled behind her.

Please don’t be a Twilight character. She squeezed her eyes shut and braced herself before putting on a poker face and turning around

Ah, shit—He slowly approached her, “you don’t have to do this,”

“Oh, I’m not,” she quickly interjected, “I was just... looking. I’d never seen the ocean from this view”

Don’t do anything that would add to the situations they’re about to face. Don’t change the story line. Don’t make yourself a concern.

She didn’t know the man, but the “tattoo” on his arm was enough for her to know that he was important to the stories

He stared at her intently, “We don’t allow people on this part of the cliffs. It’s dangerous to jump off of and you’ll land on those rocks. No coming back from it,” He explained.

“Right,” she nodded “I’ll be on my way then,” she excused herself. The walk down was going to be a tough one. The rocks were slippery and she’d be climbing down this time

“It’s an easier route this way,” he suggested, pointing the opposite direction

“That’s alright, I’ll be okay here!” She responded, though already almost twisting her ankle on just the second rock changed her mind instantly, “Nevermind! You were right! Wait up!”

Maybe she won’t die today. The fear of not actually waking up to her old life and just plain out dying in this one was echoing in the back of her mind.

He waited patiently, a hint of amusement at her futile attempt to go the hard way played on his slight smirk. Kai didn’t catch it. She was too busy trying not to slip.

“You’re not from here, are you?” He asked her while guiding her down the dirt path

Lie

“How can you guess?” She asked him

“Everyone knows to stay away from this area. It’s usually the visitors who come here for pictures” he swiftly replied

“Oh,” she nodded, ”I’m just visiting family in Forks. I leave tomorrow”

“Keep yourself out of the story. Don’t change anything”

“Did you like it here?” He asked

“It’s alright. Family is what made it fun,” she instantly replied

The route back to shore was about 8 minutes all downhill. Much faster than the 15 or so minutes it took for Kai to make it up to the actual cliff. She learned that the mans name was Sam, he was a native and lived in La Push.

Kai knew he was a wolf because of the tattoo he wore on his arm. She bid him a thank you, not continuing any other unnecessary information. She didn’t even give her real name. To him, she was Jessica.

She drove home immediately, her thoughts buzzing about how it had only been 2 days, and in just that span, she had met 2 characters. This was really her biggest fear. It happened in the Avengers, where they messed with the timeline and a lot of people died. The original Avengers who all stayed alive after the blip? They all died in the alternate timeline.

Kaileia did not want to become the ripple in this universe, where they all made it out alive after the fourth book. All she wanted was to live through however long she was meant to be here, then go home. However, things seemed to be pulling her into the story against her will.

-

January 2007

Months had passed and there was no sign to Kai about how to get back to her old life in Kauai. After the first month of hopeless attempts, she realized she was just going to have to go through it. The cullens were back, she could tell because more wolves were coming around. More wolves meant more drama and more drama meant the Cullens and Bella.

Still, her only encounters were with Edward, Sam and Chief Swan. Edward, she was sure he’d forgetten about her by now. Sam didn’t even know Kaileia’s actual name, and Chief Swan did nothing more than run a clean record on her, excusing what should have been a ticket.

It was 10 a.m. when Kai’s alarm went off. She quickly hit snooze which set her alarm wait another two minutes. It narrowed down to where she had approximately 15 minutes to get ready, and this seemed like a suitable amount of time.

As soon as she was ready, she was out the door. She worked at the convenience store just three blocks from her house. She clocked in at exactly 11a.m. and began her exciting four hour shift of occasionally scanning items and bagging them, and watching rascal ass kids try to make puns or steal from the store.

The bell rang as a new customer walked in and Kai greeted them with a “Hello! Welcome in!” She looked up to make eye contact and acknowledged their presence— this was a tactic to let customers know you were watching them therefore decreasing the chances of theft— but froze when she saw who it was. Jacob with his hair cut short and a tattoo showing— which meant he had phased already— wheeling in his dad, Billy. Thankfully, nothing out of the ordinary happened. He just picked up some beers and went straight to pay for them.

“Watching the game?” Kai asked, scanning his items

“Ain’t nothing better to do this afternoon. Been looking forward to it all week,” he replied with a smile

Kai flashed her own friendly smile and a nod before printing his receipt and sending the duo on their way. She sighed. At least Chris Brown, Timbaland and Avril Lavigne were in their prime. That was the only good thing about the store. The good music.

Her shift ended seemingly later than it should have, or maybe it just went so slow cobwebs could have appeared. 4p.m. Seemed a decent enough time for a hike. It’s time Kai used her legs anyway.

After a whole hour of useless retracing of the steps, she finally faced the fact she was indefinitely lost. Which was the last thing she wanted. Don’t panic. You’ve been safe all this time, nothing can change that now.

Spoke too soon.

In front of her stood her greatest fear. Victoria.

She stood menacingly at Kai, and her heart stopped. She knew exactly what those red eyes meant. She knew that Victoria had the upper hand in every way possible. But dying by the hand of a character in this series— Kai knew that wouldn’t be a way to bring her back to her old life. It would be etched in the story forever.

They stared at each other. And stared. And stared some more. Impulsively, Kai turned around and fled.

She assumed Victoria let her have her chance for about eight seconds, then ran after her and landed just one foot away.

Kai gasped, “Victoria”

Victoria stopped and took a hold of her wrist to prevent her from fleeing again, “How do you know who I am?” She asked, her eyes turned angry, accusingly. Once she wore this expression, Kai had wished to see the hunger in her eyes instead

Kai panicked, “What are you talking about?”

Are you kidding me. Why would you say that?

“I said,” Victoria swiftly cracked her forearm then wrapped an aggressive hand around Kai’s neck, threatening to end her life right there, “How do you know who I am?”

“I honestly guessed you kind of look like a Victori—” Victoria’s grip tightened.

“Stop lying to me.” She started to raise her into the air. At this point, Kai couldn’t formulate any words and helplessly scratched at Victorias ice cold hands with her one good arm until they both heard a threatening growl.

Victoria froze, her hand staying just as tight around Kai’s neck. She was dropped suddenly as she fled and the wolves chased after her. Kai counted four. Or five. At the moment she was only trying to catch her breath. But the feeling of her broken left arm made her scream helplessly. She scrambled for her phone, calling 911 as soon as she made it out of the woods.

Here is chapter 3! She’s getting sucked into the world!!! Ahhh!!! Hope you guys enjoyed!!

Feel free to leave any questions, comments, suggestions/recommendations or critiques! Thank you so much for reading^^^

Tags: @sunflowerspectre @rosalies-hale

[futurity-writing]

OC Interview Tag

Rules: Pick a character from your WIP, and have them answer these 15 questions.

I was tagged by @laurusalexandercrown  (thank you so much)! My main WIP is called Cirque du Mystères. I’m going to use the main character, Copper Chase. (I promise I’m going to make character and WIP introductions sooner or later lol).

1. What is your full name?

“My nickname is Copper. My last name is Chase,” he says.

Your full name.

“My actual name is Copernium Chase. If you can’t tell, I hate it.”

2. What does your full name mean?

“No idea. I’m not sure it’s an actual name outside my family. Technically I’m Copernium Chase the third, although my family doesn’t use titles like that. Especially because my dad goes by his middle name.”

3. What are your other names/nicknames?

“Well, there’s Copper. That’s what everybody calls me. I don’t really have any other nicknames. Sometimes Skie and Pax call me Bear. My family used to call me that when I was little I think. All I know is that Skie and Pax use it to refer to my powers that aren’t visions of the future.”

4. What’s your gender?

“I’m a boy.”

5. What’s your sexuality?

“Oh, um. Well, I’m not really sure... heh,” he says awkwardly, scratching the back of his head, “I mean, with all the visions of the future and working at the circus, I guess I haven’t had much time for anything else.”

So you’re questioning?

“Next question?” He asks sheepishly.

6. Where are you from?

“Well the circus travels all over, but I’m originally from a town called Renton. It’s in Washington. A few miles from Seattle. The United States, obviously.”

7. How old are you?

“I just turned 14 at the start of summer. I’d go into high-school next year, I think. Although I’m planning on just staying with the circus. My roommate Elijah was born here and never went to school and he’s fine. He’s actually pretty smart.”

8. What is your magic form?/What species are you?

“I’m human? I mean I can believe just about anything now, but I’m pretty sure things like vampires don’t exist. I hope not,” he says.

But you do have a magic form, correct?

“I guess so. Skie says I can turn into a bear, but I’ve been having trouble. I changed forms once. It was... scary.”

9. What does your human form look like?

“Well I have light brown hair, and I have hazel eyes, although they turn gold when I’m using my powers. I’m not really tall or short, but I’m still growing, and most of my family is pretty tall. I’m kind of skinny. I didn’t really eat much before I joined the circus, but they’ve helped me with that. There’s not much else. I have a birthmark on my left forearm the looks like a bear. Skie has one too, but hers is a wolf.”

10. What’s your aesthetic?

“What? I mean, I think I know what that means. I think I heard Pax mumbling about the circus’s aesthetic once,” he laughs.

They’re like images that express you as a person.

“Oh. Well I mean... I know things I like. I love magic tricks. I used to collect decks of cards before I moved to the circus. Now I don’t have any space. I also like bike trails. Riding bikes used to be my favorite thing. I don’t have one anymore. They take up way too much space. I guess bears would be on that list. I also like performing in the circus. I hope that was fine.”

11. Who’s your best friend?

“Before the circus, I had a friend named Dylan. He was pretty cool. We kind of drifted apart after I started having my visions. I didn’t really talk to anyone then. Now I guess it would be Skie. I mean, Elijah’s my roommate and we spend a lot of time together, but I’d have to go with Skie. She brought me to the circus, and we have a lot in common. We’ve made good friends through my training. I feel like I can really talk to her since we both were pretty messed up because of our powers.”

12. Would you ever get a piercing/tattoo?

“No. I mean, you’d be surprised but the circus isn’t more lax about that kind of stuff than my parents. If I got a tattoo, I think Pax, Alexander, and Roslyn would kill me. They’re all the kind of ‘parents’ here. Even if they’d let me, I wouldn’t.”

13. When are you happiest?

“I really love biking. I used to have a mountain bike, and I’d go on trails a lot. I just loved being by myself, going as fast as I possibly could (which was really fast), and just being alone to my thoughts. I used it a lot to clear my head so I could focus, or calm myself down. I also like performing in the circus, but I’d have to say I love biking a lot more.”

14. What’s your biggest secret?

“Well, I’m not sure,” he says, shifting in his seat, “Before I came to the circus it was definitely my visions. After all, everyone would think I’m crazy. I thought I was crazy.” He took a deep breath and considered his next words.

“I mean, I’ve told this to Skie. A little bit to Alexander, and I think Elijah can guess some of it. But-- Well I was in a really dark place before joining the circus. I don’t like talking about it that much. I still hate my visions, and I want them to go away, but at least now I have ways to have them happen less.

“Before the circus, I didn’t know what to do. I was scared. My visions are terrifying. It’s not always what I see, but it’s the feeling I get while I’m having them. Like I’m drowning. They’re so realistic. I didn’t know if I was awake or not. Once I fell off my bike and hit my head really bad. I just laid there. I didn’t know if I was awake or not, and I was just waiting to see if I would wake up or not. Thankfully someone else was using the trail and they took me to the ER.

“I’d stopped talking to my friends, and hardly talked to my family. I knew I would have to explain why I wasn’t okay if they noticed, and they’d think I was crazy. So I just avoided people entirely. Back then my visions only happened when I was asleep, so I’d keep myself awake until the last possible second. It was really unhealthy. But now I have the circus, I’m in training to control my visions, and Elijah and I have worked out a routine so I’d wake up before my visions start. And I can actually talk to people again without worry. I’ve been doing pretty good.”

It sounds like you were depressed.

“...Yeah.”

15. What was your first impression of [Skie]?

“Honestly she creeped me out. The circus tries to inconspicuously let people in because they’ve had their fair share of people starting trouble because someone they knew had run away to the circus. Skie actually met my family first. She pretended to be a friend from school returning homework. I think she stole it from me. She left a note telling me to meet her at the circus. I went, even though I knew it was stupid. She usually doesn’t ‘greet’ people as we call it, and honestly, I think that’s for the best. The entire conversation I thought she was going to kill me eventually. She can be... intense when meeting new people. No emotion. No talking about herself. But know we’re really good friends and she’s my trainer since we have similar powers.”

That was really fun!!!! I really enjoyed it. I’m tagging @watermelons-writings and @fantasy-studiies . Feel free to ignore it. I’d definitely love to do more of these, so don’t mind tagging me!

[kbrown78]

Book Talk: Fall Reading Recommendations

Now I promised @thebookspace that I would do this post and it's one I'm excited for because I have so many books that I want to talk about for autumn recommendations. Based on my favorite books and general preferences I can easily give recommendations for autumn or winter. I know people usually get busy with school, but the cold winds, long nights, and beautiful colors makes it a great time to curl up with a good long book. With Halloween it's also a great time to tackle some scary reads, if you can handle that. I looked through all of my books and picked books that I thought had the right “feel” for fall, as well as a few other categories that I specify. I hope that find some new favorite reads in this list, and if you would like me to make any more recommendation lists please let me know. Enjoy!

Harry Potter series by J.K Rowling: Might as well get the most obvious one done first. This features a whole school dedicated to witches and wizards, with each year getting increasingly harder for Harry and his friends. The entire series also starts on Halloween, which is when I plan on starting the rereading the process of the entire series. If you haven't read this series yet, you need to get on it.  

Wayward Children series by Seanan McGuire: While I would categorize the third book, Beneath the Sugar Sky, as more of a summer book, the first two, and especially the second one, I would definitely say are autumn recommendations. The premise of this series is that there is a school for children that have come back from portal worlds to help them readjust to their world again. Each book follows a different character, over different time lines. The first book, Every Heart a Doorway, has that feeling of going back to school, with the main character Nancy and adjusting to the new environment and meeting new people. Despite the books short length I thought the book was very well written and got quite attached to these characters. The second book is more of a Halloween type book. It takes place before the events of the first book and follows a set of twins that were previously introduced. Half of this book takes place in a world called the Moors, and it has this very Gothic feel to it with a red moon and Dr. Frankenstein and vampires. While I did still enjoy this book, I didn't love it as much as the first one (which is kind of an unpopular opinion), but the series is still great and if you want something quick to read with Halloween right around the corner, I would recommend this series and particularly the second book, Down Among the Sticks and Bones.

October Daye series by Seanan McGuire: Another series by Seanan McGuire, I'm currently in the middle of reading the first book, Rosemary and Rue. I finally started this series because it's October, so it seemed appropriate. The series is an urban fantasy that revolves around the fae that live in California. The protagonist is a half human/ half fae woman that works as a private investigator. I'll admit this book has more of a crime noir novel feel to it then I was expecting, but I don't mind it and the fantasy elements of the story tie in well to the murder mystery. I'm enjoying it so far, I like how the fae are all different and I like the main character, October, because she's very human and has moments when she's not likeable. Since I haven't finished reading yet, I can't give my full opinion, but if you like the Wayward Children series then you'll probably enjoy this one, although this series gets a lot darker than that one does.    

Nightfall by Jake Halpern: This is a book that is geared more toward a younger YA audience, but I read it when I was 17 and still enjoyed it. It's about 3 teens on an island that will soon have 14 years of darkness, and these 3 teens get left behind, but they aren't alone. I will say there were some things about it at the end that I didn't like, and I'll discuss it more in my review to avoid spoilers. Most of the book was suspenseful and there were a few times I was genuinely terrified while reading this. The book seems to tap into everyone's primal fears: being isolated, darkness, the unknown, and really makes a terrifying story utilizing these fears. I think of it as a Stephen King novel for young readers, but even as an adult you can still be frightened of it. There's also a companion sequel, but I haven't read it so I can't comment on it.  

The Call by Peader O' Gullin: Okay, I've been gushing about this book on here since I finished rereading it. Needless to say it's amazing and would make a great spooky read. The entire atmosphere is haunting, an isolated Ireland, murderous fairies. It's an under appreciated horror novel (yes, I classify it as horror because of how much graphic violence there is), and while I have a few issues with the ending I think everyone should read this, if you don't mind violence (seriously there are some pretty horrific mutations). There is a sequel but I feel that this one wrapped everything up fine, and I haven't heard good things about the sequel.

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchet: While I count American Gods as more of a winter read, this one of Neil Gaiman's books is definitely for fall. It's a humorous twist on Christian Mythology and the apocalypse, featuring several odd characters (some supernatural, some not) it's ultimately about trying to stop the oncoming apocalypse. Co-written with Terry Pratchet, there's something very human about the story, poking fun at our habits and tenancies. I promise it has it's funny moments, and I actually laughed out loud reading this, a  feat no other book has managed to accomplish. Any fan of Neil Gaiman or Terry Pratchet and anyone looking for humorous fantasy or stories with angels and demons in them will enjoy this novel.

A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness: This one can be read as either an autumn or winter read, really works for any cool day when you have time to curl up and read a good book. It's atmospheric and the illustrations that go along with it are award winning for a reason. It's a great story that is well told and emotional. It's about a young boy that is facing the harsh reality of his mother dying, when one night he is visited by a “monster.” I read this book in one sitting and was crying by the end, so that should speak to how good this is.

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern: Similar to the previous one, this could work in both of the cold seasons. I put it on this list for the magic, the circus, and the atmosphere. It is a book that just pulls you in, in more than one way. The descriptions and aesthetics of this story evoke all the senses, but there also snippets that directly address the audience. It's a beautiful story that has something for everyone, and I strongly recommend going into this one blind, so I won't say anymore other than it's really good.  

Warm Bodies by Issac Marion: If you've seen the movie I recommend the book. I read the book before the movie came out and I really liked it. It takes place during a zombie apocalypse, and the twist to this generic narrative. It's all from the point of view of a zombie. Yes, apparently zombies have deep thoughts, they're just not good at expressing them (there are a few funny moments in this story. It's been a long time since I've read this book (need to a reread so I can get to the sequel) but I remember enjoying it and I think anyone looking for a good apocalypse series will like this.

Memoirs of Lady Trent by Marie Brennan: Based off of the title, you wouldn't think that it's a fall read, but it's a life story about a woman who's a dragon naturalist. Really cool! It's a completed 5 book fantasy of manners series, and it's great. The storytelling is great, the characters are great (particularly the titular Lady Trent), and there are plenty of dragons. I like that this story takes an analytic angle at dragons, instead of just depicting them as mythic treasure hoarders. I acknowledge that the series isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it's fun, it's funny, and there's depth put to all aspects of the story. For anyone looking for a fall fantasy read that isn't epic or scary, I highly recommend this series.

The Hobbit by J. R.R Tolkien: Like the previous entry, this one also has a dragon, but it's a very classic fantasy novel about a band of dwarves journeying to reclaim their home from the dragon that stole it from them. It's a good adventure story that works for the fall because of the setting. If you want to read Tolkien but are intimidated by the Lord of the Rings, then this makes for a good place to start since it's much shorter (also ties into how Bilbo got the ring in the first place). Also if you weren't a big fan of the movies that came out, read the book, it's a bit different (and better).  

Night Shift by Stephen King: This is a collection of short stories by Stephen King. There are actually a few anthologies that I would like to mention (Tales of the Peculiar and Robots vs Fairies) but I would like to talk this one because it's Stephen King. I admit I haven't read any of his novels, although most of them would be great for fall. I was honestly terrified by the majority of stories in this bind up. It plays on so many fears and has that psychological element to them. I admit there are some stories that are better than other, but I promise that there is a story in here for everyone that will cause you to sleep with the lights on.    

Books I've Read That Work But I Personally Didn't Like: Monsters of Verity series (as the name implies there are plenty of monsters in this series, but overall it was a crappy series that I think should have just been one book), Gemma Doyle series (the first one is good and I would recommend if you like historical fantasy but the other 2 are abysmal), Three Dark Crowns series (as of recently finishing rereading the first book, there's a really bad love triangle that creates about 70% of the drama in this book, but the world itself is dark and with 3 sisters being fated to kill each other definitely makes for a good October read), Uprooted (haunted woods with sorcery, while I didn't hate this novel I think at best it's mediocre, but I'm in the minority), The Abhorsen trilogy (the necromancy and world of Death are awesome, but the first book had a frustrating second half and I hated the most of the second book).

Books I Haven't Read but I Think Would Be Good: Dracula (the original vampire novel, my Dad keeps bugging me to read it and one day I will), Frankenstein (I've heard that it's dense but I'm a fan of Mary Shelley and this is a classic Halloween novel with deeper themes about man and creation), House of Leaves (this one is always recommended and I honestly have no idea what it's about but it's very big and I've heard it's a very involved read), Winter Tide (an adult fantasy series inspired by the Cthulhu mythos, which I know nothing about), The Raven Cycle series (this strikes me as both a summer and fall read because of it's eerie atmosphere and Southern setting, along with hints of magic), Sunshine (vampires with baking), Toil and Trouble (recently released anthology that contains 15 stories about witches, sounds fun), The Starlit Woods (an anthology containing fairy tale retellings, and not just the better known ones, I've been wanting to read this one for awhile), Unwind series (creepy concept where abortions are illegal but instead at 13 parents can 'unwind' their kids)

Authors That In General Are Great For Fall: Shirley Jackson (writes mysteries/ thrillers, appropriate with the recent release of the Haunting of Hill House show), Stephen King (the king of horror himself, admittedly I've only read the Night Shift but it was really good and I do plan on reading other works of his), Daphne Du Maurier (writes suspenseful novels with a Gothic feel to them), Seanan McGuire (already mentioned 2 of her series but she has plenty of other novels and series, both as Seanan McGuire or Mira Grant)  

[monstabaebae]

Life Tips From My Vampire Boyfriend| Part 1

Genre: Romance, Fantasy/Supernatural Characters: Hyungwon + OC Word Count: 2.1 k Plot: A love story between a demon hunter, and her vampire boyfriend, Hyungwon. It’s not easy, especially when she’s supposed to kill him, but she’s in too deep to kill the owner of her heart. Can love beat the odds that fate has in store? A/N: This is a small story I decided to write and I’m hoping to make this into a small series that I will (try to) update frequently. Let me know what you think!

Credits to the gif owner! <3

Have you ever driven with the windows down on a cool summer night? Just blasting the radio to your favorite song as gusts of wind hit your face and flow through your hair like a wave of bliss? It’s a surreal feeling, and it makes me feel more than alive whenever I feel nothing inside.

My parents used to take me on road trips all the time when I was little, but we’ve put them on halt do to me entering college, as well as focusing on my training. Despite the rigorous work and constant fights with my family, I always found car rides like these an anesthetic to my raging mind.

I adjusted my mirror and rolled the window down, about to let myself take a big gulp of fresh, mountain air, when the person beside me began to speak.

“Eyes on the road, dummy.” The person, a man named Hyungwon, broke me from my thoughts.

I turned my head to glare at him, my eyes narrowed as I took in his cocky smile and lanky form leaned back against the chair. “My eyes are on the road, you jerk.” I snapped, watching as the sun peeked through the trees above my car. It was truly a beautiful sight, but short lived as Hyungwon placed a pair of sunglasses over his eyes.

“Only you would want to go on an afternoon drive when you know I can’t be outside. It’s like you want me to die or something.” He mumbled, placing his cold hand on my face to refocus my attention on the road.

I rolled my eyes, getting refocused while fixing volume of the music so it blasted louder, attempting to block him out. “You’re already dead, stupid.”

You may not believe me, but my boyfriend is actually a vampire.

A blood-sucking, pale-skinned, day avoiding, hated by all mankind and religious authority, vampire. He comes equipped with sharp fangs, trimmed nails (cause those claws were bugging me) and red eyes.

As for myself, here’s the real hook: I come from a family of shamans, passed down through many generations from all over the globe. My ancestors were praised as the ‘best demon hunters’ and because of that, I have a duty to kill any demon that crosses my path.

I am a demon hunter.

But here I am, dating a snarky, sarcastic and beautiful vampire by the name of Chae Hyungwon.

Hyungwon turned his head to look at me, fanning his face with his pale hand as he rubbed his forehead with his black coat sleeve. “Ignoring me now?”

I put the stick shift into a higher gear, letting the car adjust to the incline of the road. I really had nothing to say to him, he knew why I was doing this, but I guess I had to explain the situation to him. Again.

“You know I can’t keep sneaking out to see you. I have parents that are already growing suspicions of me and how ‘my clothing smell like demons’ Plus, you’ve been owing me a date for a while, so this is the least you could do with your dead ass.” I steamed, trying not to get too angry as I continued to drive.

Hyungwon hummed, a small smirk on his lips as he poked my side with his cold finger. “It’s not my fault you found me hot and decided to date me- “

Suddenly slamming on the break, I pulled out a blade etched in silver, it’s tip shimmering in the sunlight. I pressed the dagger against his neck, my body tensing with anger, but he wasn’t even fazed as he continued to speak.

“-But you need to understand the repercussions of being with me. If you don’t like the setup, how unfair it is to live this crazy double-life as a demon hunter, and the girlfriend of a blood-sucker, then why are we still together? You don’t have to do this to yourself.” He slowly removed his sunglasses to look at me, his large blood-red eyes staring into mine.

When I first met him, the first thing I noticed were his eyes. They were the deepest red I had ever seen; more vibrant than an apple, but richer than a cherry. They were so haunting and beautiful, I used to feel my soul shake in my chest whenever he would look at me. Sometimes, I still feel that way.

Even now, as I pulled away to place the blade back into my holder strapped to my thigh, and started the car once more. I didn’t even bother to turn the radio up, deciding on silence while we drove.

Long minutes passed and neither of us spoke. I almost thought Hyungwon was resting his eyes (since he can’t sleep), but I was wrong as he began to speak. “How long have you been driving?”

I tapped my fingers on the wheel, not sure where he was going with this. “About five years or so, since I was around 16. Why?”

He laughed, the sound thick and sultry like dark chocolate. “You’re 21 and you still don’t have your license?”

I tried not to blush, quickly retorting. “Coming from the 300-year-old who has no idea how to ride a bike, let alone have a license.”

“Yah! I know how to ride a bike, just with difficulty.” He growled, then shook out his hair with a smile. “Besides, I do have my license, thank you.”

I felt my eyes widen as I scoffed. “You’re bullshitting. Show me your proof or it’s not- “

Despite being known for nagging me with his (little) sincerity for my safety, my vision was suddenly cut off as he placed a small card in front of my eyes. Quickly refocusing my eyes to look over the text and his photo (which consisted of his usual all black attire and coveting brown contacts that almost made him look human), I felt the dread in my stomach. He really was a licensed driver.

He pulled the license away with a smirk in his voice, flicking his tongue over his fangs. “That means, you can only drive whenever I’m in the car with you.”

“What! No way!” I screeched, feeling my stomach clench in annoyance. “You don’t even like it when I drive, because of days like today! And what if that license of yours is expired or just a fake? You could get me arrested!”

“At least I have a license, even if it is expired, to get me out of a situation. You, my dear, have none.” He laughed again, taking off his shades to take in the bright scenery with a grumble.

“I never get in trouble, I’m an amazing driver.” I huffed, biting my lip shyly. How embarrassing it was, to not have a license and be normal like everyone else. Then again, I wasn’t normal, especially with this ancient creep of a boyfriend sitting next to me. But even he had a license! Life just isn’t fair, I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

I felt my thoughts take over my brain once more, when I felt Hyungwon’s cold hand rest on top of mine. I glanced over at him, but his eyes were on the world outside of the vehicle. We were approaching a small desert that rested on the outskirts of the city, a place no one ever visited if their cars couldn’t handle a long drive.

“Want to learn the most fun thing about driving?” He whispered, squeezing my hand gently, the mere touch making electricity shoot up my spine.

I kept my speed at a safe level, despite how nervous he was making me. He knew I was weak under his touch, a simple word from his mouth could make me turn to mush. What could he be planning? I found myself asking, “What?”

“This.”

Everything happened in a blur. With his free hand, he pushed down on my thigh that was residing on the gas, while his occupied hand suddenly gripped the steering wheel and tugged it towards him.

This crazy bastard was pushing my car to do 100 mph on the middle of nowhere, with a huge smile on his face.

All I felt was sick. I couldn’t open my eyes, I couldn’t even scream as the acceleration of the car sent my stomach flipping and my brain shaking in my skull. Everything was spinning, even though I couldn’t see it, I could imagine the endless swirls of color like a kaleidoscope, shifting and swelling until I couldn’t take it anymore.

Then, just as I was about to pass out, everything stopped. Hyungwon had switched hands, pushing on my leg that was resting on the brake, and pulled the gear into park.

I couldn’t open my eyes, even if I wanted to. I felt like I was going to throw up, my nerves shot as my body trembled in the small car. Hot tears began to pour down my cheeks, and before I could wipe them away, Hyungwon’s fingers were cupping my neck.

“Shh… I’m sorry.” He whispered, wiping at my eyes as he placed numbing kisses along my cheekbones. I inhaled his familiar scent, automatically feeling my mind come to its senses, as though I had come up from under water for air.

“I know we haven’t been dating long, but you need to realize something.” He murmured, running his hands along my back, every touch and word coming from him like a drug to my brain.

“Your life is already dangerous, you don’t need a lecture about that. But… you and I are like  safety and danger, light and dark. You’re filled with so much light and potential, while I’m meant to just hide in the shadows and fear the light. And yet, I’m drawn to you like a moth to your flame…” He closed his eyes, the sound of him swallowing like a gunshot in the tense silence.

I waited for him to speak, but when no sound came, I brushed my lips along his jaw. “I know this path is dangerous, but I don’t want it any other way. You said we’re like light and darkness, but one cannot exist without the other. I don’t want to push you away. I need you, Hyungwon.”

His red eyes flickered over mine, intense and filled with a tender hunger. “You shouldn’t be falling for me. You know I’m not good for you and that you’ll have to kill me in the end.”

I bit my lip, shaking my head as I place a quick, but passionate, kiss over his lips. They were plush and soft, biting against my warm skin in a pleasured burn. “I’m not going to kill you. You’re my partner, and despite how crazy you drive me, I vowed not to kill you. And I’m keeping that promise.”

He chuckled softly, cupping my cheeks in his large, calloused hands. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Teach me how to drive properly, and not push me away.” I suggested, grinning at him as I kissed his lips again, enjoying the intoxicating contact between us.

“I can show you how to drive, but you already got the most important things right.” Hyungwon hummed, looking over my face as he brushed some hair from my face and suckled on my lower lip.

“Oh? What have I gotten right?” I tilted my head, my breathing slightly labored at the sickly lust that was filling my veins.

“Well, always have the windows down, even if it makes my skin itch.” He grinned as I kissed along his neck, his voice husky as he rubbed my back. “You always make sure to have your weapons in under the seats and, my favorite thing… You always have the backseat open and available.

“You’re such a kinky old man.” I hit his arm playfully and pushed him off, giving him a wink. “The sun will be down soon, wait until then.”

“We’ll see.” He placed his sunglasses back on his face, opening all of the windows to let the fading sunlight glow into the car.

Blasting the music on the radio, I stuck my head out of the window, letting the wind whip through my hair, screaming happily as we drove back to town. I could even hear Hyungwon laughing, his cheer loud and clear over the wind, and it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.

I may not be able to sneak out with him at night, but if Hyungwon was by my side, I truly had nothing to fear.

We are a strange couple, truly one of a kind.

But don’t fret, there is way more to our story than just this. Including a future that neither of us could have ever imagined.

To be continued...

[hermanwatts]

Sensor Sweep: Genre Magazines, Mort Kunstler, Vampire Queen, Boris Dolgov

Publishing (Forbes): Today, the number of science fiction and fantasy magazine titles is higher than at any other point in history. That’s more than 25 pro-level magazines, according to a count from the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, amid a larger pool of “70 magazines, 14 audio sites, and nine critical magazines,” according to Locus Magazine.

Publishing (Jason Sanford): For the last few months I’ve been working on #SFF2020: The State of Genre Magazines, a detailed look at science fiction and fantasy magazine publishing in this day and age.This report is available below and can also be downloaded in the following formats:  Mobi file for Kindle,     Epub file for E-book Readers, PDF file. For this report I interviewed the editors, publishers, and staff of the following genre magazines. Many thanks to each of these people. The individual interviews are linked below and also contained in the downloadable Kindle, Epub, and PDF versions of the report.

Science Fiction (New Yorker): In her heyday, Russ was known as a raging man-hater. This reputation was not entirely unearned, though it was sometimes overstated. Of one of her short stories, “When It Changed,” which mourns a lost female utopia, the science-fiction novelist Michael Coney wrote, “The hatred, the destructiveness that comes out in the story makes me sick for humanity. . . . I’ve just come from the West Indies, where I spent three years being hated merely because my skin was white. . . . [Now I] find that I am hated for another reason—because Joanna Russ hasn’t got a prick.”

Comic Books (ICV2): Blaze Publishing has reached an agreement with Conan Properties International that will allow it to publish U.S. editions of the Glénat bande dessinée series The Cimmerian, ICv2 has learned.  The Glenat series adapts Robert E. Howard Conan stories originally published in Weird Tales into comic stories that Ablaze describes as “the true Conan… unrestrained, violent, and sexual… just as Robert E. Howard intended.”

Fantasy (DMR Books): To cut straight to the one-line review: Jamie Williamson’s The Evolution of Modern Fantasy (Palgrave McMillan, 2015) is a must-read if you’re at all interested in how the popular genre now known as “fantasy” came about. Even if it’s a little difficult to obtain and get into. Williamson is both an academic and “one of us.” A senior lecturer in English at the University of Vermont, he’s taught a number of classes that I’d love to audit (Tolkien’s Middle Earth, Science Fiction & Fantasy Literature, King Arthur).

Historical Fiction (Jess Nevins): Hereward the Wake was written by the Rev. Charles Kingsley and first appeared in as a magazine serial in 1865 before publication as a novel in 1869. It is a fictionalization of the life of the historical Hereward the Wake (circa 1035-circa 1072), a rebel against the eleventh century Norman invasion and occupation of England. Although he became a national hero to the English and the subject of many legends and songs, little is known for certain about Hereward, and it is theorized that he was actually half-Danish rather than of Saxon descent.

Art (Mens Pulp Magazines): During the summer and fall of 2019, we worked with the great illustration artist Mort Künstler, his daughter Jane Künstler, President of Kunstler Enterprises, and Mort’s archivist Linda Swanson on an art book featuring classic men’s adventure magazine cover and interior paintings Mort did during the first major phase of his long career. That book, titled MORT KÜNSTLER: THE GODFATHER OF PULP FICTION ILLUSTRATORS, is now available on Amazon in the US and worldwide. It’s also available on the Barnes & Noble website and via the Book Depository site, which offers free shipping to anywhere in the world.

Gaming (Tim Brannon): Palace of the Vampire Queen. In the beginning, there was a belief that all DMs would naturally create all their own adventures and there was no market for pre-written ones.  The only printed adventure out at this time was “Temple of the Frog” in Blackmoor.  Seeing a need, the Palace of the Vampire Queen was written by Pete and Judy Kerestan. Yes, the very first adventure was co-written by a woman. The first edition was self-published, followed by a second and third edition by Wee Warriors (1976 and 1977) and distributed exclusively by TSR.

Fiction (DMR Books): Last summer, I was fortunate enough to acquire the copyrights to Merritt’s material from the previous owners.  Along with the rights, I received a few boxes of papers, which I’ve enjoyed going through during the past few months, and which I anticipate will provide me with many more enjoyable evenings perusing them.  Among these were papers relating to Merritt and the Avon reprints.  Some of this takes the form of correspondence between Merritt’s widow, Eleanor, and the literary agent she’d engaged for Merritt’s work, Brandt & Brandt.  Others are contracts with Avon, as well as Avon royalty statements.

Pournelle (Tip the Wink): Here, all of Pournelle’s best short work has been collected in a single volume. There are over a dozen short stories, each with a new introduction by editor and longtime Pournelle assistant John F. Carr, as well as essays and remembrances by Pournelle collaborators and admirers.” My take: I enjoyed this a lot. It had been a while since I read any Pournelle (and then almost always with Niven). I’m now tempted to reread The Mote In God’s Eye.

Gaming (Reviews From R’lyeh): Ruins of the North is an anthology of scenarios for The One Ring: Adventures over the Edge of the Wild Roleplaying Game, the recently cancelled roleplaying game published by Cubicle Seven Entertainment which remains the most highly regarded, certainly most nuanced of the four roleplaying games to explore Tolkien’s Middle Earth. It is a companion to Rivendell, the supplement which shifted the roleplaying game’s focus from its starting point to the east of the Misty Mountains, upon Mirkwood and its surrounds with Tales from Wilderland and The Heart of the Wild to the west of the Misty Mountains.

Art (Dark Worlds Quarterly): Being an artist for Weird Tales was not a fast track to fame and fortune. It is only in retrospect that names like Hugh Rankin, A. R. Tilburne, Hannes Bok, Lee Brown Coye and Vincent Napoli take on a luster of grandeur. At the time, the gig of producing illos for Weird Tales was low-paying and largely obscure. Some, like Lee Brown Coye, were able to establish their reputations in the art world after a long apprenticeship in the Pulps. Most are the select favorites of fans. Boris Dolgov was one of these truly brilliant illustrators who time has not been as kind to as should be.

Tolkien (Karavansara): But what really struck me in the whole thing was something that emerged from the debate: some fans said the novel should have been translated by a Tolkien fan, and by someone with a familiarity with fantasy. But other have pointed out that The Lord of the Rings is not fantasy. And my first reaction was, what the heck, with all those elves and orcs, wizards and a fricking magical ring and all the rest, you could have fooled me.

Tolkien (Sacnoth’s Scriptorium): So, I’ve been thinking back over Christopher Tolkien’s extraordinary achievements and wondering which was the most exceptional. A strong case can be made for the 1977 SILMARILLION. In retrospect, now that all the component pieces of that work have seen the light in the HISTORY OF MIDDLE-EARTH series we can see just how difficult his task was, and how comprehensively he mastered it. Special mention shd be made of one of the few passages of that work which we know Christopher himself wrote, rather than extracted from some manuscript of his father: the death of Thingol down in the dark beneath Menegroth, looking at the light of the Silmaril.

Art (Illustrator Spotlight): Many of you have seen some of the pulp covers he created; most likely those for The Spider, Terror Tales, Dime Mystery or Dime Detective. I was recently reading a blog post about David Saunder’s book on DeSoto (I can’t find the link to the blog anymore), and one of the comments was about how the commenter didn’t believe that DeSoto deserved a book, having painted only garish, violent covers. My reaction was immediate; I felt like telling the commenter to go forth and multiply, in slightly different words of course.

Martial Arts (Rawle Nyanzi): Yesterday, I put up a blog post where I showed videos discussing Andrew Klavan’s comments regarding women and swordfighting (namely, that women are utterly useless at it.) As one would expect, this has been discussed all around the internet, but much of it involves virtue signalling. To cut through a lot of that fog, I will show you a video by medieval swordsmanship YouTuber Skallagrim, in which he discusses the comments with two female HEMA practitioners — one old, one young.

Fiction (Black Gate): Changa’s Safari began in 1986 as a concept inspired by Robert E. Howard’s Conan. I wanted to create a heroic character with all the power and action of the brooding Cimmerian but based on African history, culture and tradition. Although the idea came early, the actual execution didn’t begin until 2005, when I decided to take the plunge into writing and publishing. During its creation I had the great fortune to meet and become friends with Charles R. Saunders, whose similar inspiration by Howard led to the creation of the iconic Imaro. What was planned to be a short story became a five-volume collection of tales that ended a few years ago with Son of Mfumu.

Gaming (Sorcerer’s Skull): The Arimites have the gloomy environment of Robert E. Howard’s Cimmerians and elements of a number of hill or mountain folk. They’ve got a thing for knives like the Afghans of pulp tradition with their Khyber knives, though the Arimites mostly use throwing knives. They’re miners, and prone to feuding and substance abuse, traits often associated with Appalachian folk. I say play up that stuff and add a bit from the Khors of Vance’s Tshcai–see the quote at the start, and here’s another: “they consider garrulity a crime against nature.”

Sensor Sweep: Genre Magazines, Mort Kunstler, Vampire Queen, Boris Dolgov published first on https://sixchexus.weebly.com/

[josephkitchen0]

How Zombie Culture Shaped Homesteading Today

We can thank apocalyptic fiction and zombie mania for a giant surge in self-reliance and homesteading today. It’s amazing how people grow when they question, “What if?”

Mainstream society gained interest in apocalyptic fiction after World War II, with the possibility of nuclear disaster. Spurred on by the literature, the survivalist movement increased during the Cold War. Civil defense programs advocated bomb shelters and religious organizations advised families to keep a year’s worth of food storage for emergencies. Survivalists cited the Great Depression as an outstanding example of why households should stay prepared and continue homesteading today.

Zombies did not enter the scene until a couple decades later. The first zombie movie to focus on the dangers of conformity and being unable to rely on people to do the greater good was Night of the Living Dead in the 1960s. It also focused away from the grim realities of economic depression and encroaching communism. The idea of the zombie apocalypse allowed people to imagine how fragile society is, and to deal with their own anxieties about the end of the world, while distancing themselves and reveling in the padding of fantasy.

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Most zombie-related plotlines follow small groups of survivors that deal with shock and denial as they try to make their way through the ravaged world. They must survive the dangers. Then they must rebuild. Both the survival and the rebuilding have caught public attention as fans imagine how they would survive in an apocalypse.

Side by side, zombie fiction grew with modern times, riding speculation of real-life disasters and fueled by terrorist attacks and talks of irreversible global climate change. Hardcore preppers argued about economic downturn or a Malthusian population crash. Zombie fans discussed what would happen if the dead came back to life.

The zombie genre has become so popular that organizations and companies crafted tongue-in-cheek weapons, protective gear, and literature aimed toward dealing with an apocalyptic setting. But it was still just fantasy.

Then the world shifted within a few years. As talks of climate change ramped up, so did problems closer to home. Food Inc., released in 2008, informed the public that we could no longer trust our food system. Then the Great Recession struck in 2008-2009, causing an economic and housing crisis. The public turned from apocalyptic fiction and paid attention to reality. And what they saw scared them. The same tropes described in their books and TV shows lay before them as irreversible climate change, economic downturn, and proof that mankind would not support the greater good when tempted by personal gain. People grappled with the question, “What if?”

“What if the recession gets worse?”

“What if I can’t find a job after college?”

“What if I can’t trust anyone anymore and have to take care of my family by myself?”

This dilemma especially affected ages 20-40, the same demographic targeted by zombie fiction. Younger adults, whose grandmothers had canned food or whose great-grandfathers had homesteaded the wilderness, acknowledged that skills were dying. Somewhere in the last century, self-reliance had faltered. Children had walked away from their homestead heritage, had turned their backs on the ability to feed and clothe themselves without depending on a corporate infrastructure. These younger adults wanted control back. Control over their lives, their food. They wanted to stop feeling helpless.

But when they voiced their concerns, saying, “When the economy collapses,” they faced laughter from naysayers who called them paranoid and irrational. If they instead used the language, “When the zombies come,” they won amusement from other fans. So they focused on zombies.

In May of 2011, The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention used a fictional zombie-based scenario to teach survival techniques for possible real-life scenarios. The idea came about when directors acknowledged that the public is unlikely to pay much attention to tips on surviving natural disasters. A campaign focusing on zombies reached an audience that normally ignored warnings from the CDC. The directors argued that, if you could survive zombies, you could survive anything. The blog became so popular that the CDC then offered a contest for YouTube videos portraying the best and most creative ways to prepare for an apocalypse. They also released a graphic novel stressing the importance of homesteading your house; laying aside necessities such as food, medical supplies, and clean water in case of an apocalypse…or any other disaster.

In October of the same year, The Weather Channel published an article titled, “How to Weather the Zombie Apocalypse,” which discusses how temperature affects zombies and if they were easier to outrun in the heat or the cold.

When Max Brooks’ novel World War Z became a New York Times bestseller, readers turned to his previous work, The Zombie Survival Guide, a satirical book based on real-life guides published by prepper groups.

As zombie mania took society by hold, so did modern homesteading. Back-to-the-land movements have occurred since Roman times but this one was fueled by the media. New works such as The Backyard Homestead by Carleen Madigan, published in 2009, and Urban Homesteading, by Rachel Kaplan, in 2011, taught readers that through homesteading your house you can take little steps back to having control of your life and environment.

In 2013, AMC’s The Walking Dead became the highest rated show on television. Zombie fever had struck mainstream. The audience was larger than ever. People saw themselves in fictional characters, humans just trying to survive in a world gone wrong. They imagined they could thrive as well as the toughest heroes and heroines.

Zombies’ contribution to the homesteading movement was optimism instead of fear. The fantastical edge allowed enough distance to keep people moving forward. Rather than hunkering down with supplies of food and water, believing the world was doomed, people took steps toward self-reliance. They believed they could survive situations through their own hard work, whether they faced zombies, societal collapse, or natural disasters.

Jean Booth, an author of three zombie novels, writes about a small group of people that find a farm and defend it in the Nevada desert. “When writing Zombie War,” she says, “it really brought to my attention how completely and utterly unprepared I am for an apocalypse on any level. As an American, I feel spoiled—if I want or need anything, I can just drive to my local store and pick it up. I didn’t even know how to properly identify a ripe avocado! As I age, I yearn to learn more about becoming self-sustaining, independent of the world around me. Not just in case of an apocalypse—which could happen—but for my own satisfaction of being able to provide the absolute necessary things for my families’ survival.”

Jean has since identified strengths and weaknesses within her lifestyle. Though unable to farm, she and her husband can offer defense to her survival team. She has already considered whom to invite in the event of an apocalypse.

Other creators of zombie fiction are focusing more on the rebuilding aspect. J. Whitworth Hazzard penned a quartet of stories about Jeremy, a teenager trying to survive within a complex of apartments in Lower Manhattan as a sea of zombies fills the streets below. Within Dead Sea Games, the zombies are less of a threat than lack of food, bad sanitation, and untrustworthy humans. In between helicopter drops from the government, the Colony survives on rooftop gardens they built after the Emergency. But nothing is a sanctuary.

As with all fads, readers and viewers tire of repeating tropes. Zombies will someday go the way of vampires. But the modern homesteading movement is on an upswing. Households and communities still respond to questions of, “What if?”

“What if the food system never gets better?”

“What if another recession hits?”

“What if my husband loses his job and I can’t go back to school?”

And optimism builds. People devour information on homesteading blogs and pass it along. They want to know how to start living off the grid and regain their homestead heritage. Communities form. Children turn toward their grandparents’ talents instead of continuing their parents’ slow journey away from sustainability.

Even after zombies have shuffled out of literature and into history, their contribution remains with a revitalized generation that can, once again, take care of themselves through homesteading today in the event that “What if” actually happens.

*Photos from the family collection of Josie Beaudoin

How Zombie Culture Shaped Homesteading Today was originally posted by All About Chickens

[emotten]

Character Work Wednesday

The last two weeks, I’ve shared characters from my current episodic story, Phases. As of right now, the main characters that have been introduced for that story have all been discussed. Therefore, this week, I’ll be talking about a different story.

I have been finalizing my next YA Fantasy Novel for quite a while now, and I’m sure I’ll be finalizing it for months to come. Aside from being very excited about this book, I just want it to be as close to perfect as possible before I release it. I’ve been hasty to publish in the past, and my goal with this new novel, titled Summer Underground, is to take my time. Between each editing sweep, I take about a month to forget about the story, work on other things, and then I come back to it and edit again. Each time, there are things that need to be changed, removed, or added, and it is shocking how often I find typos. I’ll be shipping off sections of the book to volunteer editors (aka curious friends) soon, and hopefully I will be happy with a complete product very shortly after all of that! (Also, I’m thinking of outsourcing for cover art on this one.) So, if you want to learn about a few more of the characters I’ve created, then just keep reading!

Summer Underground follows three characters on very different journeys. They begin as best friends, and are slowly torn apart by supernatural events as well as secrets and lies and, of course, matters of the heart. This story is yet another spin-off of the Shift series, and takes place just before and during the events of that series. It highlights the other side of the war; the Vampires, their true history, and their valiant, bloody return to the Mystic world.

Our story begins with the handsome protagonist, Wyatt Ace, as he prepares for a summer of fun with his two best friends, Elijah Murphy and Faustine LeClerc. But the trio don’t make it very far when they’re attacked by a Vampire. Elijah is the only one who comes out physically unscathed in this tragedy, though all of their lives will change. Readers will follow Wyatt as he discovers that he is a Vampire, and tries to understand what that means for him, and his relationships.

Wyatt’s journey into Vampirism is made a bit easier by his newfound friend and mentor Kirana Waterman, who is mysteriously already connected with Wyatt’s family. She shows him the ropes, so to speak, of being a Vampire and helps him when he is in need, though she’s not happy about doing it. Wyatt goes on a soul-searching journey on which he encounters plenty of physical and emotional obstacles, but I don’t want to give away too much. Basically, whatever you think is going to happen to Wyatt (maybe he’ll fall in love or find a cure?) isn’t going to happen. He will become a monster. 

With all that’s going on in Wyatt’s life, he barely has time to keep track of what his friends are up to. After attacking Faustine in a moment of weakness, Wyatt’s guilt and shame over his own lack of self-control pushes him away from her. When they do speak again, things only get made worse as they each let slip a very serious secret. As if Faustine didn’t also already have enough on her plate…

The night they were first attacked by Willow, the Vampire had bitten Faustine, too. And she hadn’t been the same since. Over the following days, she has the chance to look into her condition, discovering that her mother possessed the same burden. Faustine’s father is so distant, he’s basically absent, and the tension growing between herself and the only two friends she has in the world is making her feel beyond uneasy.

A whole mess of awful things happen to Faustine, and then she discovers that her two best friends have been lying to her face for months. She’s visited by the Vampire who attacked them and invited to come with him, but she refuses. Later, she’s visited by someone who claims he wants to help. If her mother’s journal is accurate, Faustine needs all the help she can get to keep her from evolving into a sadistic, murderous monster from Hell.

Meanwhile, Elijah fights an inner battle of his own. He and Wyatt are in love; they’ve been lying to their friends, their family, maybe even to themselves, for so long. But Elijah can’t take it anymore. After he watched Wyatt die and come back to life as a Vampire right before his eyes, something felt broken inside of Eli. He longed for the old days, for things to be easy. He wished he could tell Faustine the truth. He tries to be a good friend and, as a result, begins to crumble from the stress of trying to tear himself into so many pieces.

Elijah soon discovers that, although his two best friends have made their descent into Hell, Eli has his very own guardian angel to lift him up and give him the power that he needs to protect his friends, and protect himself from his friends. His older sister, Leslie, who everyone always thought to be insane, returns to town to reveal the truth about who she is. She’s a Mystic Hunter, and she’s there to clean up the town, which has apparently been infested by Mystics. Elijah has a choice to make; Protect his best friend and the love of his life, or band together with his sister and follow his destiny? Eventually, the decision might just be made for him.

This trio go through a lot together, and the question readers will be asking is, “How does it end?” Will these friends be able to overcome all that stands between them and stay together forever? Or will their differences tear them apart, pit them against each other, and spark a war between Mystic species? (If you’ve been keeping up with my work, you already know the answer.)

Ultimately, this is a story about friendship ending, about love and sexuality, about the destruction of lies and secrets, about choosing your own happiness over others, and so many other things. Young Adult readers will be able to relate to the experiences of these characters as they all stem from some real-life issue that real young people deal with every day.

Next week, I’ll be back to discuss two more characters from Summer Underground; Kirana Waterman and Leslie Murphy. See you then!

[josephkitchen0]

How Zombie Culture Shaped Homesteading Today

We can thank apocalyptic fiction and zombie mania for a giant surge in self-reliance and homesteading today. It’s amazing how people grow when they question, “What if?”

Mainstream society gained interest in apocalyptic fiction after World War II, with the possibility of nuclear disaster. Spurred on by the literature, the survivalist movement increased during the Cold War. Civil defense programs advocated bomb shelters and religious organizations advised families to keep a year’s worth of food storage for emergencies. Survivalists cited the Great Depression as an outstanding example of why households should stay prepared and continue homesteading today.

Zombies did not enter the scene until a couple decades later. The first zombie movie to focus on the dangers of conformity and being unable to rely on people to do the greater good was Night of the Living Dead in the 1960s. It also focused away from the grim realities of economic depression and encroaching communism. The idea of the zombie apocalypse allowed people to imagine how fragile society is, and to deal with their own anxieties about the end of the world, while distancing themselves and reveling in the padding of fantasy.

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Most zombie-related plotlines follow small groups of survivors that deal with shock and denial as they try to make their way through the ravaged world. They must survive the dangers. Then they must rebuild. Both the survival and the rebuilding have caught public attention as fans imagine how they would survive in an apocalypse.

Side by side, zombie fiction grew with modern times, riding speculation of real-life disasters and fueled by terrorist attacks and talks of irreversible global climate change. Hardcore preppers argued about economic downturn or a Malthusian population crash. Zombie fans discussed what would happen if the dead came back to life.

The zombie genre has become so popular that organizations and companies crafted tongue-in-cheek weapons, protective gear, and literature aimed toward dealing with an apocalyptic setting. But it was still just fantasy.

Then the world shifted within a few years. As talks of climate change ramped up, so did problems closer to home. Food Inc., released in 2008, informed the public that we could no longer trust our food system. Then the Great Recession struck in 2008-2009, causing an economic and housing crisis. The public turned from apocalyptic fiction and paid attention to reality. And what they saw scared them. The same tropes described in their books and TV shows lay before them as irreversible climate change, economic downturn, and proof that mankind would not support the greater good when tempted by personal gain. People grappled with the question, “What if?”

“What if the recession gets worse?”

“What if I can’t find a job after college?”

“What if I can’t trust anyone anymore and have to take care of my family by myself?”

This dilemma especially affected ages 20-40, the same demographic targeted by zombie fiction. Younger adults, whose grandmothers had canned food or whose great-grandfathers had homesteaded the wilderness, acknowledged that skills were dying. Somewhere in the last century, self-reliance had faltered. Children had walked away from their homestead heritage, had turned their backs on the ability to feed and clothe themselves without depending on a corporate infrastructure. These younger adults wanted control back. Control over their lives, their food. They wanted to stop feeling helpless.

But when they voiced their concerns, saying, “When the economy collapses,” they faced laughter from naysayers who called them paranoid and irrational. If they instead used the language, “When the zombies come,” they won amusement from other fans. So they focused on zombies.

In May of 2011, The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention used a fictional zombie-based scenario to teach survival techniques for possible real-life scenarios. The idea came about when directors acknowledged that the public is unlikely to pay much attention to tips on surviving natural disasters. A campaign focusing on zombies reached an audience that normally ignored warnings from the CDC. The directors argued that, if you could survive zombies, you could survive anything. The blog became so popular that the CDC then offered a contest for YouTube videos portraying the best and most creative ways to prepare for an apocalypse. They also released a graphic novel stressing the importance of homesteading your house; laying aside necessities such as food, medical supplies, and clean water in case of an apocalypse…or any other disaster.

In October of the same year, The Weather Channel published an article titled, “How to Weather the Zombie Apocalypse,” which discusses how temperature affects zombies and if they were easier to outrun in the heat or the cold.

When Max Brooks’ novel World War Z became a New York Times bestseller, readers turned to his previous work, The Zombie Survival Guide, a satirical book based on real-life guides published by prepper groups.

As zombie mania took society by hold, so did modern homesteading. Back-to-the-land movements have occurred since Roman times but this one was fueled by the media. New works such as The Backyard Homestead by Carleen Madigan, published in 2009, and Urban Homesteading, by Rachel Kaplan, in 2011, taught readers that through homesteading your house you can take little steps back to having control of your life and environment.

In 2013, AMC’s The Walking Dead became the highest rated show on television. Zombie fever had struck mainstream. The audience was larger than ever. People saw themselves in fictional characters, humans just trying to survive in a world gone wrong. They imagined they could thrive as well as the toughest heroes and heroines.

Zombies’ contribution to the homesteading movement was optimism instead of fear. The fantastical edge allowed enough distance to keep people moving forward. Rather than hunkering down with supplies of food and water, believing the world was doomed, people took steps toward self-reliance. They believed they could survive situations through their own hard work, whether they faced zombies, societal collapse, or natural disasters.

Jean Booth, an author of three zombie novels, writes about a small group of people that find a farm and defend it in the Nevada desert. “When writing Zombie War,” she says, “it really brought to my attention how completely and utterly unprepared I am for an apocalypse on any level. As an American, I feel spoiled—if I want or need anything, I can just drive to my local store and pick it up. I didn’t even know how to properly identify a ripe avocado! As I age, I yearn to learn more about becoming self-sustaining, independent of the world around me. Not just in case of an apocalypse—which could happen—but for my own satisfaction of being able to provide the absolute necessary things for my families’ survival.”

Jean has since identified strengths and weaknesses within her lifestyle. Though unable to farm, she and her husband can offer defense to her survival team. She has already considered whom to invite in the event of an apocalypse.

Other creators of zombie fiction are focusing more on the rebuilding aspect. J. Whitworth Hazzard penned a quartet of stories about Jeremy, a teenager trying to survive within a complex of apartments in Lower Manhattan as a sea of zombies fills the streets below. Within Dead Sea Games, the zombies are less of a threat than lack of food, bad sanitation, and untrustworthy humans. In between helicopter drops from the government, the Colony survives on rooftop gardens they built after the Emergency. But nothing is a sanctuary.

As with all fads, readers and viewers tire of repeating tropes. Zombies will someday go the way of vampires. But the modern homesteading movement is on an upswing. Households and communities still respond to questions of, “What if?”

“What if the food system never gets better?”

“What if another recession hits?”

“What if my husband loses his job and I can’t go back to school?”

And optimism builds. People devour information on homesteading blogs and pass it along. They want to know how to start living off the grid and regain their homestead heritage. Communities form. Children turn toward their grandparents’ talents instead of continuing their parents’ slow journey away from sustainability.

Even after zombies have shuffled out of literature and into history, their contribution remains with a revitalized generation that can, once again, take care of themselves through homesteading today in the event that “What if” actually happens.

*Photos from the family collection of Josie Beaudoin

How Zombie Culture Shaped Homesteading Today was originally posted by All About Chickens