#I did not know I was autistic when I was ten but was that why I liked it??? Did I see myself in them before I knew what that meant???

[john-smiths-jawline]

me 🤝 every character in phineas and ferb: being autistic

[jamiebluewind]

@sharkapologists ah. I see the tism bit me in the ass again. Carry on!

i swear some of the polls on this site look like

[senseiwu]

Just saw a video where someone mentioned reading the curious incident of the dog in the night time, and they thought afterwards they may have autism too. When they brought it up to their mum, she was like "you knew??" cause apparently she'd done that thing people seem to do where they keep an autism diagnosis secret from their kids

It made me remember when my grandma gave me that book to read when we were all at her place for Christmas. She said something like "I think you'll really like it", which confused me cause I was more into fantasy stuff than mystery novels. I mean. I did really like it. But it's one of the things that makes me wonder... did my parents do that thing too...?

[moonlightcycle571]

Lantern Corps and a 10 year old Child

In a last post, I said the Lantern Corps would love Captain Marvel because he’s omni-lingual (and there’s so many different species so it makes sense that they would feel comfertable around a guy who can speak their mother tongue, no matter how obscure it is).

And then it came to me in a glorious vision, the Cores would LOVE or absolute HATE Billy Batson, be it as a kid it as Captain Marvel.

First on the Love Captain spectrum:

Red Lantern: that’s the corps that’s the most insistent. Man’s fights littéral Wrath and demons alike on a weekly basis. Man’s go to weekly poker night with Satan and other Wardens of Hell. Why? Because he has his own prison dimension in th Rock of Eternity, who also holds the strongest demons.

Yellow Lanterns: as champion of magic, he holds a lot of weight. Especially for magic users. One flick of a wrist and boom, your magic is gone. The whole concept of ‘The Champion’ is enough for most to fear him. That and one does not play poker with The Devil from The Bible and other figures from various religions, and just have a normal presence. He’s terrifying when he wants to be. In his Cap form, he needs to actively tamp down to appear more family friendly, and not the eldricht horror he knows he could easily look like.

Green Lanterns: Homeless Child Superhero dealing with horrors must adults can’t handle. That takes willpower. Even before Captain, I’m pretty sure off willpower alone he could qualify. But what’s the real ringer is his imagination. The Rock of Eternity has access to magical dimensions that no amount of crack could dream up. Man’s had to learn how to use Looney Toones Logic irl and it works. Man’s got a while Disney Dimension with Ballerina Hippos with their Croc partners. Mans has debates about files with littéral walking talking dinosaurs. Billy is hella creative, and who knows what would be made with a ring.

Blue Lanterns: do I … do I need to explain? There are the lantern corps of Hope, I think the rest is pretty self explanatory. I will say though, he was close to accepting when he found out they got a Corgi. Even closer when Dex Starr, the red lanterns cat got a

Orange Lantern: bro fights the physical manifestations of the Seven Deadly Sins , including Greed on a regular basis. By right of conquest, he really should be wearing the ring rn. They be trying to put a ring on it for ages.

Black Lanterns: he once revived Freddy and or Mary by reconnecting them to the rock, and since then is considered a ‘nécromancer’. Also (similar to the Avatar State) he has memories of past champions, including death, so one can argue he’s in a life and death loop.

White lanterns: same reasons as the Black Lanterns. They’ve been trying to get Billy to also out-do said Black Lanterns (who in turn try to recruit him some more). It’s just one vicious snowball effect now.

Now for the Hate Captain spectrum:

Star Sapphire Corps: The thing about Billy is that he’s AroAce. Very Aro and Very Ace. So those who draw power from love and try to flirt are met with the disgusted face of someone who’s famously nice. It was a devastating blow to the whole corps. At some point Hal decided to hide behind Cap to escape another Star Sapphire who fell inlove with him, and they just, lost their power. No longer had the ability to fly and everything. He’s Ace-ness is crippling. And it did bring memes. The Ace community was winning.

Indigo Tribe: he’s too autistic for them. And while being the warden of multiple dangerous beings fits their MO and all, they ain’t touching the bullshit magical logic with a ten foot pole. That, and the first time a ring was sent to him to recruit him to keep the evil ones in line, he roasted their whole system, their ugly ass uniforms (that particular shade of indigo clashed with his Hero Outfit way to much) and ended with a comparison to them with a guy called ‘King Kid’ and the fucking ‘Easter Bunny King’ that somehow did a much better job at Machiavellic while also being uhly. They never sent a second one. The red lanterns sent more.

Ultraviolet lanterns: again, man’s fights the Seven Sins on the regular, is their warden along with other sick evils, lies to the Justice League on the regular and plays poker with Demons (and wins) despite being one of the most honest people there is. That and he’s so dad shaped, it counters their power of daddy issues.

Bonuse:

It’s not uncommon for various JL members to receive lantern rings. They just don’t want to. So the standard procedure is to find your local lantern, and give them rings. At some point all the Corps made a lantern offers chart (and maybe the JL got a bit competitive).

Problem, that screen was using old alien tech that didn’t have colour. So they knew Cap had the most lantern offers, but they didn’t know which colours. Until it got fixed.

J’le looking at the rainbow that’s Captain Marvels Ring List: …

Batman: Captain, why is there so many red ones?

Billy, sweating: …

Hal, not comfy with the amount of yellow: I… I need to make a few phone calls.

John, the one who’s been receiving all of his rings: Uh, don’t remind me. I’ve been getting cramps with the amount of times I had to input the different colours.

Dinah: I don’t think even I’m qualified for the amount of therapy everyone is going to need.

WonderWoman: How to you have Negative Pink Rings??? You can’t get a negative number in a list

Billy, inputing the Zeta Tube: haha, it’s so weird

John: … do I need to add AroAce as a weakness for the Sapphires???

Bonus points if the results are open to the galactic public, and just wonder who tf are and ‘Billy Batson’ and Captain Marvel and why they are dominating the top ranks. What is in the Terra city Fawcette.

Extra Bonus Point if the JL go: Who tf is Billy Batson, and why is he ranked above Captain Marvel.

I’ve been waiting to do this one for a while. But never got the motivation. Let me know if I missed any, and feel free to write fanfic (please tag me if you do, I wanna reeeeead).

Final note, I want to give a certain someone a comment of appreciation.

@wonderjanga you are my favourite person on this app. You are the reason I decided to get out of my procrastination slump. Thank you for you content, it’s always so creative and I deeply enjoy it.

For those who don’t know them, I recommend checking out their content. It’s genuinely inspiration for me to start writing again. I don’t think I’ll be writing on ao3 soon, but maybe one day.

[fragglerockopinions]

.

[weird-and-unwell]

“Autism isn’t a disability”, “it’s just a difference”.

I am of lower support needs. I hold down a (part time) job. I have travelled around my home country. I live alone.

At work they complain about my speech. I’m too quiet, they say, “barely audible” is the words used at my autism assessment. My voice is all monotone, and it needs to be more expressive. I get this complaint every week for a year straight, until my manager gives up. I don’t attend trainings because I forget and find it overwhelming anyways. My coworkers form friendships, and I watch them talk, wondering how they make it look so easy. I get a new manager, I tell her I find the work socials too overwhelming to attend. She tells me I can just say I don’t want to come. I don’t know how to tell her that I desperately want to, to be like the rest of my coworkers, instead of constantly being the one sat on the sidelines.

I come home, and I can hear my neighbours again. The niggling background noise messes with my head, and I meltdown; I throw myself on the floor, I hit my head on the ground repeatedly as I scream and cry, tear out my hair and scratch my arms and face. When I complain, people tell me that I just have to accept that neighbours make noise, that I should just ignore it, or block it out. I am the problem, the one overreacting. I put in earplugs and it hurts and I'm crying again. I wear headphones but I can't handle the noise for that long.

I have reminders set for everything. Every chore, no matter how big or small. My phone beeps at me, reminding me that I need to wash the dishes. If I don't go now, then tick the little box on my phone to say I did it, it won't get done. My home is almost always a mess despite this. It's not just chores either. I won't think to wash, dress myself, brush my teeth or hair, without those reminders. And unless someone actively prompts me to do so, I will do those tasks "wrong". I haven't changed my underwear in a month, and I'm currently aware that's a problem, but within the hour I'm going to forget all over again until I'm next prompted.

I can't sleep without medication - it's not unusual for autistic people to have messed up circadian rhythms. Without my medication it's hard to even tell when I'm awake and when I'm asleep. When I was younger and at school I slept through so many lessons, and when I have my mandatory breaks from my sleep meds I sleep through every alarm I set. I want to work full time some day, and I'm terrified of what my sleep issue will mean for me then.

I don't travel independently. I don't travel anywhere alone, always with someone or to someone. If to someone, I have assistance the whole way. I find it embarrassing sometimes. Yes, I have a job that requires a certain level of intelligence. No, I cannot get on a train by myself. If I am not shown To The Train, To My Seat, I will be unable to travel.

Last time I travelled, I was left alone at the station for ten minutes. I stayed rigid and sobbed the whole time. I was overwhelmed. It was too loud, I didn't know where I was or where I was meant to be going, and until the assistance person came back I couldn't do anything because for some reason I cannot understand it.

I spend a lot of time trying to explain to people that despite my relative competence, I am unable to do many things. Why can I understand high level maths but not how to get on a damn train? No fucking idea.

"Autism isn't a disability" most severely affects those with higher support needs, and this is absolutely not to take away from them. But for fucks sake, autism is disabling.

Maybe you personally are extremely lucky and just find you're a little "socially awkward", or just find some textures painful or nauseating. Maybe you would be fine with just a couple of adjustments.

But for a lot of us, even lower support needs autistics, it doesn't work like that. I will never sleep properly without medication. I still have the self-harming type of meltdowns as an adult, over things that are deemed as being "just part of life". I live alone but have daily visits from family - if I'm left fully alone I forget all the little daily things one is "meant" to do. I had speech therapy as a child to get me to the "barely audible" "mostly correct" speech. I don't mask, I'm not really sure how I would to begin with.

I'm not unhappy with being autistic. It's just who I am. Life would be easier if I were neurotypical, but I also wouldn't be me. I just wish those luckier than me could...stop saying it's all chill and not at all a disability.

Because yes, socially, I am "awkward". I obviously don't make eye contact - I stare down and to the side of whoever I speak to. People think it's weird or creepy or a sign of disinterest. My autism assessor wrote down about how I often use words and phrases that don't make sense to others, even though they make perfect sense to me. In my daily life this means I'm frequently misunderstood, and have to try explain what I mean, when what I mean is exactly what I said, and the true issue is that what I mean just doesn't make sense to others. I gesture, at times, but again, my gestures apparently don't make sense in relation to what I'm saying. I take things literally, I have almost no filter, and I can't explain how I go from topic to topic.

And yes, I do have sensory problems. Sometimes people, including others with sensory problems, tell me that "sometimes sensory issues have to be tolerated", and I wonder what they think of as being sensory issues. I'm sure they do struggle, but if I say I can't handle a touch, I mean you will need to forcefully hold it against me for me to touch it more than a second and it will make me meltdown. If I say "I can't eat that", I mean that I am unable to swallow it, that I will gag and choke and inevitably spit it back out, as much as I try. If I say I can't handle a noise, I mean I'm so close to a meltdown and my meltdowns are a problem for everyone around me.

But yes. Autism. Not a disability. Just a fun quirky difference.

[eowynstwin]

There has been more than enough drama about this whole situation so I will be as direct and concise as I can. This will be my last post about the matter regarding Myka/codslut. This will likely be my last post on this blog period.

This fandom community has crucified me over a story that has fallen apart over what I can only describe as the lightest scrutiny. FOIA requests, when expedited, have a ten day window to be granted, not a twelve hour window, and normally take months to even years to grant. Americans do not call small towns villages. Crisis workers do not have unfettered, immediate access to clients' personal information, let alone that of complete strangers on the internet.

I am not exaggerating when I say I have feared for my safety for the past week. The three people who have lead the charge against me have slandered, harassed, and outright stalked me—keeping track of posts I've made and deleted, changes I've made to my directory, and even the time between posts I have made. I have genuinely feared that the next step these people were going to take would be to search both of my blogs (because I have not, in the past, been very concerned about hiding my main) for my personal information in order to dox me.

I believe this campaign has been racist ("gaz erasure my ass") and ableist in nature. I believe my being autistic—and my trouble communicating in a way that could satisfy the aforementioned people this entire week—has played a part in the way this fandom has victimized me.

I believe in particular that sheheal has a personal vendetta against me, although I do not know why. I believe that their claim that they must leave their blog up as "evidence" is false—I believe they are keeping it active in order that it should always be digitally connected to me, and thus risk my safety and peace in whatever online space I choose to be in next. I am entertaining the belief that she even intends for it to follow me in real life, although that may be more paranoia than possibility.

I am aware of the mistakes I have made. I regret them. I am sorry for them. If what has happened to me is representative of what happened to Myka, I have nothing but empathy for her. Even before this happened, I would not wish this on anyone. I do not believe that dogpiling is justice, and have fought against it when I have seen it happening in this fandom in the past. I did not and do not want this to happen to anyone, ever, no matter their sins.

I want to extend a gratitude I find difficult to express the depth of to everyone who reached out to check on me. I especially want to thank Early for being the first person to stick their neck out for me, and for everything after. I hope to be friends with you all for a long time. You mean more to me than you know. You have made a lonely and difficult week feel less lonely and difficult.

I do not want to be a part of this fandom anymore. I have poured over a year and a half of work and creative energy into this community and it has meant nothing. I have loved this community and it has meant nothing. I have fought for this community and it has meant nothing.

If fandom was ever a safe space, it is not anymore. It is not safe for those affected by racism and it is not safe for those affected by disability. It is not safe for anyone who makes mistakes. It is not safe for me, and reader, it is not safe for you. I did not think this would happen to me. Do not make the mistake of thinking this won't happen to you.

[cosmic-spider]

Jax x ADHD/ Autistic fem reader

Ok let’s make this clear HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING YOU TOLD HIM THE FIRST TIME. Like he knows what it is but doesn’t fully understand it or how you are “different.”

If he pulls pranks on you thant then make you over stimulated or get a panic attack. He doesn’t automatically know what is going on with you? He thinks that you’re being shocked or you’re scared scared from the prank he pulled on you. 

He also thinks that your kind of going insane for a bit with the way you don’t respond for a good five to ten minutes at the lowest.

But with the adventures and many other pranks he pulls. He noticed that you kinda acted the same with all of them. Just like siting down and going on auto pilot and not really being in the moment.

As this keeps happening especially with when you put on noice canceling headphones. That Caine made specifically for you. Jax gets a bit confused but doesn’t look into it to much other than you not like I g the sound on things or loud noises.

But after they had you arrive le celebration.(Your birthday of when you arriving in the tadc. The way you got so over welded with the sounds and cheats from the others. Plus the confetti canons and a pie throw into your face.

You just stood there and trying to process what was happening around you. As you played with make shift bracelets that you made with Gangle then ran away to your room.

Jax just stud there confused on why you didn’t like the surprise party. As everyone else’s has a frown on sad looking eyes as some know or we’re told of you’re ADHD/ Autism. Them knowing or guessing how you would react the this idea of Jax’s idea

As a s/o

He slowly started to notice your ways of coupling. From jewelry playing. Wearing baggy clothes to not get over stimulated when in a adventure. To event just going silent from minutes to days at a time.

After you leave the surprise party Jax fallowed you to your room. Asking what was wrong or if you don’t like the surprise

. He was not making jobs or urging on a smile at all as the two of you talked. Since you are his S/O and he cares about you deeply even if he doesn’t show it correctly.

After you explained your ADHD/AUTISM better to him and how it affects the way you do or react to a few things.

After a better explanation on what you have Jax still didn’t fully understand everything but got the basics. And realized what he did wrong.

How some pranks were to loud or happens to fast for you to process what happened. Then you went into a panic attack/overstimulated to try and cope with what happened.

How the way you dressed and fidgeted with charms, bracelets, and necklaces to calm/ comfort your self.

After a bit of time he fully understands and is ok with doing things that will be ok with you. His pranks got a bit nicer to your likening so you don’t freak out and get street out.

He wont tell the others but the two of you mad a way to communicate if you do go silent for some time.

Like you pull on his overalls if your starting to get overwhelmed. Grab and squeeze his hand with both of yours if your getting uncomfortable with talking or in the clothes your in. Or hug his side if your getting a panic attack.

The moment you do that he makes up an excuse so the two of you can go away from the rest. He at her takes you to your own room where you have the things you might need. A weighted blanked, change of comfort clothes, fidget tots or you noice canceling head phones.

If this happens out in the middle of nowhere he will take you somewhere away from everyone. We’re it’s more quit and takes out some fidget toys and you head phones.

If your ok with it he will even let you sit in his lap as he has become your couch to rest on and calm down from what you had. As you hug and cuddle into him and rub your face into his chest furry for some nice sensory relief.

[payasita]

Good job getting ADHD medication! I’m so proud of you :D

thanks so so much im very happy and so hopeful for the first time maybe ever but also it TOOK ME LIKE. A YEAR. A YEAR.

like yall for real?? for real. for real i have been diagnosed since i was like six. (funny story my teacher thought i was on the spectrum so my parents get me tested with the nodes and shit and according to mom, who loves this story, my neurologist did all that and talked to me and then just turned to my mom and went "she's not autistic. she just hates the other kids" but they DID find an adhd diagnosis in there so net win for all of us)

diagnosed since i was SIX. on stimulants until i turned 8, and you know why i got off em? my pediatrician retired. we could not find another who would take our low-income insurance. so i just had to rawdog The Rest Of My Fucking Life. diagnosed when i was six. legally neurodivergent for 20 slutty slutty angry years.

and it still took me like. a few months to get a psych appointment. a few weeks to reaffirm my diagnosis as an adult. a few more weeks for another appointment for meds. he doesnt Want to do meds first, because i must have been doing fine without them if its been two decades, right? i got a job and a car and everything. well gee fuckin shittickers Dr. Brain Guy, just WHAT was my alternative? would you prefer i be maladapted to the point of incapacitation; is that what it takes for someone to be considered? i cheated my way through school. every day after work i sit for an hour in my car because i dont have the executive function to stand up and walk the ten steps to my house. garbage just appears around me. i have three empty bags of hot chip and two cans of sprite on my desk as we speak, neither from today. at that point i hadnt had a debit card for six months because that would have required me to Drive To The Bank, a location that was new to me in this area, so i just did everything on credit. is this all normal? is this fine? am i GOOD, actually, Dr. WeirdBrain?

so we cordially agree that yes i should probably be medicated. i want to do a stimulant. he does not want to put me on a stimulant. "stimulants can mess with your heart," he says, "and you're young, you don't want heart problems." i say ok because i dont want to make him think im just looking for narcotics. even though i am. because they WORK. i agree to try some kind of antidepressant.

the antidepressant gives me tachycardia. i go to the emergency room after reading a heartbeat of, oh, 140 bpm, which is about like double what it normally is and juuuust below the You Are Having A Heart Attack threshold. i get to the ER and the doctor there is very obviously convinced i'm a local addict having some sort of episode. it is the most ironic experience i've had all year and i feel an abrupt and all consuming kinship with those birds in australia that will swoop you and peck at your face for seemingly no good reason.

so yeah, we narrow it down to the antidepressant. as it turns out, these particular meds are known to, semi-commonly, Mess With Your Heart. i have my next appointment with my psych and somehow refrain from pecking his eyes out. he puts me on a noreprinephrine inhibitor(iirc) that isnt actually FDA approved to treat ADHD specifically(i DEFINITELY rc) but it IS given to smokers to help them quit. i dont smoke. i may very well fucking start before this whole ordeal is at the point where someone listens to me

it obviously does a combined total of jack and shit, and the man waffles with this one because he has "had success" using it as treatment for other ADHD patients. he ups the dose. twice. three months on the smoker meds, which are also apparently notorious for destroying your appetite, but they didnt even do THAT. no change to the average amount of hot chip on my desk.

he wants to try quelbree after that. i finally tell him i'm tired of this shit and would like to have more than two hours of usable daylight to function before it all falls to uncontrollable youtube shorts binges and a daily experience i like to call The Weighted Nothings and i would very much like to PLEASE. TRY A STIMULANT.

he's been friendly enough with me over these past four or five or whatever months but at this he gets suddenly very very business-baseline. gives me the whole spiel about the north american shortage. gives me a spiel about how i absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, lose or sell this medication, because they will not refill it if i do. i am sitting here wondering if he he's telling the truth about having other ADHD patients at all like ever in his career, and also, am i nuts or should the "don't sell your prescription drugs" bit apply to EVERYTHING? i dont fuckin know man i just live here

he says he wants a urine test first. its scheduled for two weeks out. i take it.

"hey uh, your piss came back with cannabis in it" "well it'd be weirder if it didn't, we are in california and i am a kitchen manager" "you can't have weed if you want adderall" "fine i'll stop" "we'll schedule you another test in a month" "aight bet" it didnt go exactly like that but this is kind of what the vibe between us has devolved into by this point.

anyway i wait a month and get a good grade in piss. i get the meds prescribed. i go to fill out the prescription

all i really need to say to you are the words "prior authorization error" for most of you to get what happened next.

the psych isnt even aware. i wait another month for our next meeting, which was yesterday. i do not yell at him. he tells me to take it up with the pharmacy, and yell at them. i am going to yell at them.

so i go, and guess what, it actually went through a while ago! NO ONE TOLD ME OR DR. FEEL-BAD OVER HERE. but we can't fill it right now because its a controlled substance so come back in a few hours. hey it's ready where the hell are you? TAKE YOUR METH AND GET OUT

anyway i started it today, reorganized my pantry, and fixed the fire alarm in my hallway that's been chirping at me for a week. i no longer have to wear earplugs to bed.

and with my newfound executive function superpowers, i will be spraying my weed-free piss all over Reagan's grave.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

i don't know how to sum this up. i haven't slept in four days.

...this is gonna be a long one and im sorry. also literally every fucking one in this whole thing minus V is autistic, i don't know how, but them's the facts.

background info: around... some 8 years ago maybe, my truly BELOVED friend M (today 31F) started hanging out with a new friend group her then-friend S (31F now) had introduced her to.

(i (31 genderqueer) didn't know M then. i do know she was very lonely.)

so. S has introduced M to her friend group, and M hangs out with them for about... two years?, but, as far as i understand, S is the go-between here. M asks S what plans they have on weekends, S calls M when there's plans on weekends, that sort of thing.

what happens is: at one point S's girlfriend, V, starts flirting with M. heavily. in front of S. S VERY MATURELY decides that the solution to this is obviously to start telling M there's never plans on weekends while telling the friend group M is never free on weekends. shitty move, i think we can all agree.

and M ends up alone. she's never heard from a single one of any of those other people ever again. ever.

now. M, OBVIOUSLY and i think with good enough reason, HATES S.

but.

1) it's not S's fault M is no longer friends with the whole group, like M thinks it is. it's just not. if they had wanted to keep hanging out with her, very simply, they would have. S didn't even explicitly ask or tell them not to hang out with M, nor did she talk shit about M to get them to leave her out. and want to know why we know all this? it's because after (AFTER!) S and V broke up, M and V dated for like, three months, and V told M. what S did was shit and immature, but not like. extreme.

2) we don't know if S even knew how lonely M was/was gonna be. in my understanding of what's right or wrong, this is KIND OF REALLY important. the intention, the meanness, the ability to knowingly isolate someone to that degree. jealousy is one thing, being genuinely mean is another.

3) all of this happened 10 years ago. TEN. YEARS. they were like, 20. fetuses. we're all queer, they were all navigating the first romantic experiences, shit happens. S was shit but S also could have become a better person in these TEN YEARS. we just don't know.

OTHER background info: ive known S for like, 10 years, and she's someone VERY interesting who i've always liked (not romantically), but she's not my friend.

ok, and now. fast forward to last week. M & i & F1 (27F, my bestie, M's friend) go to a pub. S is there, says hi to me, hi to M (which. like at least apologize or something. but ok) (at this point i have no idea they even knew each other btw), S & i talk a bit like we always do, M goes home (i suspect nothing), S & F1 & i hang out, next thing u know F1 and S start to date and S and i become better friends.

(where i absolutely am the A: apparently, at some point M told me what S did to her. before we met S at the pub? after? i have NO memory of any of this.)

M wants nothing to do with S, as is her right. but at this point F1 is dating her and im making plans to like, watch clone wars with her. M tells me & F1 the whole story (tells again, in my case), tells us she has no problems with us hanging out with S but again, please can we not force them together, which, ofc, i tell her about our star wars plans and like, she's chill, she says yeah sure go for it, she jokes around about how S knows lots of people and we gotta use her to get another friend a girlfriend, shit like that.

forward again. one sunday morning, M asks me to hang out. that sunday just so happens to be clone wars day with S & F1. i tell her. she goes BALLISTIC. like, tachycardia, tunnel vision, palpitations, she's fully ready to never talk to me again because "i can't ask [me] to not hang out with S because that would be toxic, but i just CAN'T be around S, so here we go again, she's gonna steal my friend [me] (...i don't think M cares too much about losing F1, they're not that close), im losing control of the situation, the only way for me to stay in control is to choose to cut off [me] right here and now, so that's what ill do, goodbye forever". and she spends the WHOLE DAY in this frenzy (completely unbeknownst to me!), with multiple people trying to calm her down and like, get her to talk to me. (which OF COURSE the next day she ends up doing, because she loves me, she's just. very autistic.) anyway, at this point (sunday evening) ive been made aware of the situation with M, so i had F2 (F31, she's a mutual close friend who was acting as a kinda peacemaker) tell M i was there for her & ready to talk whenever, and we meet up on monday evening, i get apologized to (M had like, blocked me on all social media 😂) for the whole... overreaction, especially after id been told it was ok to see S, and M officially asks me to stop hanging out with S. i try to tell her "can i ask S about, idk, what was going on in her brain back then". she starts to hedgehog up on me so i shut tf up.

here i am the A again: i know M very well. i should have known it would not actually be okay to see S. i just should have. i do know her.

here i... can't tell how much of an A i might be: i don't want to tell S to fuck off. i WANT to talk to S, figure out how much of an actual irredeemable asshole she is, and only in that case tell her to fuck off. the 3 points i made at the start of this papyrus are still valid. also i think it's kind of fair to give her the right to like, defend herself? explain herself? before i go full ghost on her

... its like this. it's not like i care about S. not to be mean but she's no one to me. i just would like her to BE someone to me, cause she seems cool.

i have few friends. i would like one more friend.

i also made friends with a friend of S, T (can't remember age NB). they're the only other genderqueer person i know irl. id like to get to know them. (also they're kind of cute but that's genuinely not that important lol, i just like to make this post Even Longer). i wouldn't get to know T if i did what M wants (needs?) me to.

and let's not forget S is currently dating my close friend F1. just to put icing on the cake.

then again, i adore M. my loyalty to her SHOULD be more important than two people who are, again, no one to me. i should just tell F1, sorry, i won't hang out with ur gf, like ill be civil to her but i won't pursue a friendship with her. because i don't NEED to. i don't NEED these friendships. i would just LIKE them.

if S turns out to BE an asshole who hurt M on purpose, it's great, it's golden. problem solved. ill tell her she's shit and, i mean, F1 will probably break up with her too. no one gained or lost anything from a whole shebang were i haven't slept in like 4 days and got a stress herpes or whatever it's called, it's cool, it happens, go us.

but if S is... justifiable? understandable? NOT a dick? i don't feel i have an actual reason to delete her number. would i, for M? probably, yeah, but i don't WANT to.

F1 says im a doormat. F2 says im basically a monster and how could i do this to M when there's plant of other friendly fish in the sea.

AITA?

and while we're at it, if someone feels like giving advice... what do i do?

What are these acronyms?

[redbreastedbird]

Hey Robin!

I’m an autistic writer like you and I have a question.

Do you think that being autistic made recovering feedback more difficult when you first became an author? I know that me and other autistic writers I know become very attached to our characters in a very personal way - not like neurotypical people don’t, but it seems to be a different sort - and that makes taking criticism very hard sometimes.

Was this something you found and if it was, how did you overcome it?

This is SUCH a great question! I’m honestly not sure, because I’ve only ever had experience of how it feels for me to get feedback, so I don’t know if I take criticism harder than a neurotypical writer would. But certainly, I’ve really struggled with it in the past.

I think to some extent it depends on the kind of criticism. I have an editor I’ve worked with for ten years, and these days I feel quite excited to get her feedback, because I know that she and I often see things in similar ways, and the things she picks up on are things that I do know deep down are problems. For example in the new book I sent her a message with the first draft saying ‘there are too many suspects and we don’t get to know them enough’ and in her notes to me she wrote back ‘as you know, there are too many suspects and we don’t get to know them enough’.

BUT when I get negative feedback about characters I really like, or editorial suggestions I don’t agree with, I really struggle. I also just get absolutely sick to my stomach when someone points out I’ve made a mistake or written something that could be hurtful. It feels like an attack on me (understanding Rejection Sensitivity Disorder has helped make sense of this). What I’ve learned to do over the years is take a day - read the criticism and then step away from it for 24 hours. Usually I’ll spend that time slowly coming to terms with what the other person has said, and realising that their comments have merit. Sometimes I don’t, and I think that’s fine - if, even after I’ve sat with it, I still don’t agree with it, I let myself remember I don’t have to make those changes.

So yes. I think I live in my stories in a way some authors don’t, and I see my characters as real human beings in ways some authors don’t. But to be able to cope with the job I have, I’ve had to teach myself to remember that they all came from my head, and so I can change them if I want. The special thing is the fact I can make up stories, not every detail of the stories I make up. (But if anyone tells me they hate Daisy or Hazel I do think less of them as a result, because they are essentially me, and why would you tell me you don’t like me?)

[dukeofankh]

During college, I developed a habit of assuming that whoever I was talking to would already get the references that I made, especially women. I'd just jump into the story or share the meme. Like, I was homeschooled, so most people have deeper pop cultural knowledge than I did, and I figured it was ruder to constantly question whether people--again, especially women--knew as much as I did than it was to presume they did and be mistaken.

Now, in my thirties and married to an autistic woman, I'm aware just how much of that also dovetailed with the constant faking it that I had to perform at all times, constantly picking stuff up from context clues rather than smile and nod and laugh along and just guess what people meant. I didn't want to constantly be making everyone stop and explain and the RSD associated with my ADHD didn't exactly help with that. And I've had to confront that because she just refuses to suss things out from context clues when she's not around strangers.

Like, I will share a meme or story, and she will go "I don't get it. What are they talking about in this bit." And it'll honestly ruin her enjoyment of it to not understand 100 percent of the context. So I have taken to prefacing pretty much any meme or story that involves references to media I haven't personally witnessed her encountering with a short primer on the context. If it's a meme format from a specific show, I have to say upfront "this is a meme format and you do not need to spend time figuring out why the anime guy looks like that. The joke is the words."

Does it ruin the surprise? Honestly the answer seems to be no. Not knowing ruined the memes more than the primer ever did, and I'm consistently surprised how she can hear all the relevant context for a joke, hear the joke, and laugh at it all in about ten seconds. And while another woman might find it aggravating to have a man presuming she doesn't know references and that she needs everything explained to her, she doesn't. So yeah. Everyone is different and especially when everyone is neurodivergent, you really do have to just figure out a way of communicating that works between the two of you. There is no one language or set of protocols. You must need to learn each other. And there is something nice about sharing information the way it would have been super nice for other people to have done when I was in the years-long secret crash course I suffered through.

[thatbirdrestaurant]

Fairy Tail Restaurant AU but literally every single headcanon for it is things that happened at my current restaurant job.

Laxus is the manager who wants to fire everybody and is so tired, Gray, Natsu, and Erza have been working there so long they’ve probably broken child labor laws, and Lucy and Wendy are the newbies.

Wendy tried to pick up a rack of freshly cleaned glasses but it slipped from her fingers and the entire thing shattered on the ground. Lucy, who was standing just a few feet away, got glass all over her leg and found a shard in her shoe a few hours later.

Natsu and Gray once argued on the clock, but they did it in front of the entire dining room. That’s the closest Laxus has gotten to having a good reason to fire someone.

Erza and Lucy went outside during a dinner rush to grab more napkins, and one of the cooks closed the door on them without checking if anyone was outside. The door locked automatically, neither of them had their phones, the cooks were not responding to their pounding on the door, and it took five minutes for someone to come find them.

Mira (bartender) dropped a full bottle of tequila, stared at it for a few seconds, and announced she was “going on break,” which just means smoking for two-five minutes in the back while debating your life choices.

Lucy turned the corner a little too sharp while the kitchen floors were being cleaned and ate absolute shit in front of her entire section.

Natsu accidentally threw a customer’s credit card into the trash because they forgot it on a napkin that Natsu did not pay attention to.

Levy (to-go orders) was stuck on the phone with a customer for twenty minutes because they kept changing their mind on the order, and Laxus had to take the phone from her, tell the customer they either needed to make a choice or order somewhere else, and put them on hold for ten minutes.

Wendy jokingly told Erza not to fall in when she said she was going to the bathroom. Five minutes later, Erza came up to her and told her that she did, in fact, fall in.

Levy dropped a metal pan on the ground in the kitchen, making a very loud noise that made everyone turn their heads. Once they realized what was happening, Natsu said, “I thought that was a gunshot.” Everyone agreed and Lucy pointed out that they all thought it was a gunshot, and none of them even attempted to get away.

Everyone knows that Gajeel (cook) has been arrested, but they don't know why, and there's an active debate on what he did to end up in jail.

The first time Lucy yelled at the cooks, she cried for five minutes because she felt so bad.

On a slow day, Laxus had everyone pull out the booths so they could deep clean, and a party of ten came in while every single booth was pulled out.

Laxus sent Lucy home early on her first closing shift, and when she asked if that was okay, Laxus looked her dead in the eyes and said, “We don’t pay you enough for you to care this much.”

Bickslow (busser) showed Wendy and Lucy Weird Al YouTube videos on a dead shift for an entire hour before they clocked out and went home.

One of Lucy’s buttons popped off while she was taking a table’s order and landed in one of their waters.

A table threatened to walk out on Erza and she took their drinks away and ignored them until they actually left.

Gray puts his tables in time out if they're being too rude to him.

Erza lied to a table and told them Gray is autistic because they thought he was being rude; he wasn't, he just naturally sounds like an asshole. The table felt so bad for complaining that they tipped him 30%.

Mest got fired for doing cocaine in the back.

[qoldenskies]

Just read your canary continuity and holy shit was I not prepared. I actually had to step away and calm myself down from the brink of having a panic attack MULTIPLE times while reading it (that's not necessarily a bad thing, btw, it's just that hyperempathy towards a character that I admire got hands).

It's just....the slow escalation. The way you legitimately can't tell that something's wrong at first because yeah, sometimes brothers are kind of dickish to each other, it happens, no biggie, and then it starts getting into "wait, why are they being a bunch of ableist fucks all of a sudden", and then it gets into true psychological horror territory. The way the curse takes any frustration that they might have had about Donnie's behavior- maybe not even directed at him, but maybe frustration about "god, I wish I could make things easier for my autistic brother, it sucks that he has to go through this"- and twisting it entirely on its head to make them mad at HIM for showing those traits. The way it takes their existing personality traits and twists them into something more dark and sinister- like yes, this is making me realize Leo could genuinely be a terrifying villain if he had less of a strict moral code, because he gets people. He knows what makes them tick, and he knows how to potentially wear people down until they finally snap if he ever wanted to, and seeing the curse take that part of him and use it.....it was chilling, to say the least.

Not to mention that a part of them is never really going to be fully recovered from this. The trust that Donnie has had broken is probably going to take years to build back up, and they're probably going to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around him for a long ass time. Especially Leo, god. To know that you did that to your twin, the person who's supposed to be like another extension of you, to know that you broke their trust in you and their love so thoroughly that you might never get that bond back.....no wonder he's so desperate to try and fix things, and behaving irrationally because of it.

This is super long, but I just want to say that this is an amazing fic that you've written, and....if it's not too much to ask, can you give reassurance that things will at least go back to some semblance of normalcy at the end of all this? Like, they won't be permanently broken and their relationships will heal as much as they possibly can? I can tolerate as much hurt as you please as long as it has a happy ending [pleading emoji] (Also I have a theory that Donnie is suffering from nosebleeds either because of the massive amount of head trauma that he probably got in that last fight OR because severing his ninpo or w/e is doing fucky wucky things to his immune system and I am AFRAID)

!!!! I LOVEEEEE LONG ASKS HELLOOOOOOOOOO yeasss

i can guarantee a happy ending, yes!!! i do plan on writing an epilogue oneshot that takes place ten months after CW ends (and CW will end on a happier, hopeful note!), which will show the kind of normalcy they settled into after everything settles down!! they'll get there, its just going to be a . MESS first lmfao

and ohhh yeah writing leo has also helped me discovered how terrible he has the potential to be,,, even recovering and guilty he weaponizes these skills against them (when he lashes out at raph in ch5 and calls back to the family meeting is a very good example), its a side of leo i really like exploring!! he's so tactical in his manipulation and in canon that's usually used in harmless, funny ways, but it takes a NASTY twist here as the curse takes advantage of it. and its especially painful using it on donnie, who is the least perceptive and the most likely to fall for it :( he kind of slayed in caged lungs though he was so delightfully awful

anywhizzles EATING THIS ASK IN MY MOUTH IT IS ALL HIGH PRAISE!!! hope youre doing well!! <3333

[winn-schott-throughtheheart]

For the headcanons thing (that you posted 6 months ago - sorry)

Winn Schott

If you’ve already done him (which is highly likely) give me another character you haven’t done and please tag me in the Winn one :)

I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THIS LMFAOOO thank you for reminding me that's so embarrassing

anyways, I'd had Winn and Lena requested but Kara is my second fav blorbo after Winn so I did her too <33

also, this is going off the premise that both Winn and Kara are autistic, it's canon because I said so I have lists you can fight me on this

Winn

Realistic: Winn is notably the only analyst (in the main cortex at least) that wears dress clothes instead of uniform. At the beginning he really did try to stand the uniform, but he ended up convincing J'onn to let him off because he just couldn't deal with the feeling of it on his skin.

Hilarious: Being the only human member of the Legion of Superheroes, Winn got asked A LOT about human culture. A blatant lie that originally stemmed from being asked the same ten questions a billion times, snowballed into a complicated lore about humanology and Gods and belief systems (because he was too embarrassed to admit to the original lie) and he ended up being the accidental cause of organised religion in the 31st century.

tldr: Winn Schott manages to shitpost his way through space and time

Also, he's asthmatic as fuck. He has to carry an inhaler in his bag and he hates it.

Awful: He hates the smell of teakwood and tobacco because it reminds him so viscerally of an abusive foster home that it genuinely makes him physically anxious and nauseous.

Unrealistic: He's actually really good at handling spicy food. He's even out-performed Alex a handful of times.

Lena

Realistic: Lena actually really hates chess. She hates how everything needs to be calculated properly, how everything needs to be thought out exactly, and it just reminds her too much of how she was brought up.

Hilarious: She has a peanut allergy. Similar to Winn, she has to carry an epi-pen in her bag. This is not public knowledge, of course, because that would probably bring her quarterly assassination attempts up to weekly.

Awful: Lena can only fall asleep with a nightlight- she isn't really sure why, all she knows is that her bed feels less like frigid, murky water when it's on.

Unrealistic: She doesn't know how to cook or how to drive. Her whole life she's had people cook for her and drive her places, so she never had to learn how to. She'd like to one day, though.

Kara

Realistic: Kara LOVES dinosaurs. She didn't have birds on Krypton, which implies either all the dinosaurs were wiped out, or there never were any in the first place, and she was immediately enthralled and fascinated by them when she first learned about them.

Hilarious: She's dyslexic. She relies on Grammarly like it's lifeblood.

Awful: She's insanely afraid of thunderstorms. It takes everything in her not to have a flashback or a panic attack or a meltdown, and she will point blank refuse to patrol if it's storming.

Unrealistic: After Red Daughter was killed, Kara's heat vision stayed permanently purple, and her eyes were purple too for a very long time afterwards.

maybe that first ones a bit of projection, i fucking love dinosaurs

[arsenicflame]

ok leaked 2x01 clip observation post

(watch the clip here)

God. Izzy looks completely wrecked in this- hes scruffy and his hairs not slicked back properly he just looks. tired.

EVERYONE LOOKS SO COOL THOUGH

i want to know WHY he stutters there- what was he going to say instead?

for me, the way fang asks izzy how hes doing is not just a sign that things have gotten so bad, but it implies prior emotional connection. fang had to be the one to breach this conversation because he Knows Izzy (perhaps the others were too nervous to start because the situation is Obviously tense, but fang knows him) idk thats what i get from it.

'dont help me, dont help me' izzy sweetheart :( they are your friends.

the way jim says 'unhealthy relationship with blackbeard' sounds like they were coached, like they were repeating something someone else said. i love two unemotional assholes trying their best. unhealthy relationship is such a frenchieism to me i can just imagine jim noting it down in their journal like. 'good wording. practice saying it a few more times. toxic??????'

i believe theyre called archie and i love them so much. lesbianism hours.

rhino horn i assume is a drug? hm.

'hes cut off at least two more of your toes, hasnt he?' HOLY SHIT

the way frenchie says that is like. it wasn't infection or an accident its purposeful. they KNOW something is happening. ed Took two more toes. at least, that they know of. how do they know??? are they listening? can they hear his screams? is he asking for medical help from them? rotating round them all so no one person knows just how bad it is? (but theyre talking. theyre talking to each other now. about him, theyre worried)

maybe his first really did heal fine and it was a later infection. maybe. maybe ed took the whole leg. on purpose. whats izzy been doing to 'make ed do this'- did ed even anything to justify it? was he protecting the crew? smuggling rations to lucius? at best he was disobeying orders, but given their reactions it obviously wasnt anything that endangered anyone- imo he would have been looking out for them (maybe that why he is instructing them to throw away loot. hes protested that one too many times)

the way he immediately starts crying at that too. its like. hes been thinking all these things for a while and didn't want to say it out loud, or was thinking it was all on him and that he deserved it- but then someone comments out loud its not a good situation and he just. thats his oh moment and he falls apart.

IZZY GETS A HUG

god a fang hug looks so good- even when hes obviously trying to respect izzy being uncomfortable it

the way he is desperately trying to hold back sobbing- like if he breaks apart now he knows its the end, he will never be able to put himself back together. he needs to remain strong remain put together, he will never survive otherwise. it doesnt even really feel like hes trying not to cry because its weakness, not appropriate of him anymore, its simply that he cant afford to.

also making unconscious noises when uncomfortable. me 🤝 izzy autistic bitches. (this is only to me)

JIM IS SO UNCOMFRTABLE ALSO (and archie?) god. i desperately want happy izzy & jim dynamics i think they would work SO good, neither of them want to touch an emotion with a ten foot pole wtf please get jim out of there and a knife in their hand.

god. god. theres so much here. the crew dynamics. izzy found family canon confirmed i love it so much. this is everything ive ever wanted izzys getting love! hes getting a good arc! hes making allies and friends and they care about him!!!! theyre worried about him!!!!!!

god. i was already so excited for season 2 but this is everything to me. i just know this is going to be so good. i have SO much faith