#I definitely wanna experience this story for myself

[lovingk9z]

Holy fuck the story of Rain World and everything that happens between the iterators is. Insane. What a dark and depressing story, I love it haha

I found myself almost crying only 30 minutes in to Solemn Sunday's video going over all the events before and during the game. And fuck that wasn't the end of it

Some of Five Pebble's struggles are weirdly relatable (or would've been months ago, I'm better off now), so listening to it with voice acting n all hurt more than I expected.

What an insane journey that video was.

God do I love game devs that know how to make a fucking game. And that care to make a good one.

[ruvviks]

– Beginnings.

Characters >> Lily Castellanos, Nathan Dixon (oc), Sebastian Castellanos Total >> 3.5k words Warnings >> Alcohol mention Context >> The first chapter of my own TEW3, taking place some months after the conclusion of the in-game events of TEW2! You can read more about it all here!

It snowed in Krimson City.

The sky had been the same dull gray color since sunrise, snowflakes slowly cascading down and covering the street in a thick blanket of snow. A heavy fog held the city tightly in its grasp– an eerie atmosphere hanging in the thin afternoon air and low-hanging clouds swallowing entire buildings whole– and with only limited visibility on the road, traffic was forced to crawl by in slow motion.

While not an unseen phenomenon, it was far from a common sight for early January, only days after Nathan’s birthday. He had spent that day snowed in in his little apartment, had celebrated it alone; not as if it mattered much, he doubted Kid even knew and besides his ex-colleague from MOBIUS he severely lacked other friends to hang out with those days.

He stood motionless at the fence of the small playground located in Krimson City’s public park, gloved hands stuffed deep in the pockets of his long, black coat with the collar popped up to shield the lower half of his face from the occasional sharp gust of wind. He had not moved in a while, shoulders and tousled black hair covered in a thin layer of fine white powder, frost nipping away at the tip of his nose as his eyes followed a group of kids excitedly running around.

It did not take a genius to notice Lily was significantly older than the others there, but none of the kids seemed to mind. It came as no surprise to Nathan to see her there– she had not once lost her playfulness even after everything MOBIUS had put her through, and without a proper outlet for it in all her years trapped in the shadow organization it only made sense for her to want to have a chance at spending the remainder of her childhood like she had always been supposed to.

He watched in silence as she scooped up some snow in her pink and orange mittens, wincing when one of the other kids threw a snowball directly at her face; she was smiling, though, and quickly pressed the snow together to then hurl it back, the surprisingly well-aimed attempt hitting someone else on the back of their coat.

‘You’re startin’ to freak out the other parents, standing there like that.’

The corners of Nathan’s mouth lightly curled up upon hearing the familiar, low voice, not needing to turn his head to know who joined him on the other side of the fence.

‘Was starting to wonder how long it’d take for you to notice me,’ he said, his own voice a little rougher than usual on account of the cold, and his severe lack of proper rest in the past few weeks. ‘Was gonna give you another five minutes before I’d walk over to introduce myself. You’re getting slow.’

‘I’m getting comfortable,’ Sebastian Castellanos corrected him with a scoff, returning Lily’s little wave as she ran by the both of them– Nathan merely greeted her with a single nod of his head– before quickly shoving his hand back in the pocket of his green jacket.

‘No need to keep my eyes up anymore, Nate. Threat’s gone, MOBIUS’ gone. Life’s improving day by day.’

‘Good.’

Nathan wished he shared Sebastian’s sentiment.

If anything, life had turned rather sour for him after they had successfully gotten rid of a large chunk of MOBIUS several months ago. He had never expected to walk away from it alive to begin with– and now, without the steady income the organization had provided him with for years, he found himself struggling to get by.

He glanced to his right, gaze briefly meeting that of the ex-detective before he quickly averted his eyes and let them wander back to the playground, trailing over the various snow-covered playground sets.

Sebastian looked good, healthy– much better than the state he’d been in when Nathan had last seen him all those months ago. Part of him regretted not reaching out sooner, the sudden reconnection now an obvious sign that something was wrong; though the wiser part of him knew that had he stuck around the Castellanos family they would not have been able to move on and heal, which was the last thing he would have wanted to be responsible for.

‘What about you?’ Sebastian quietly asked, as if he’d been able to sense Nathan’s melancholy. ‘You look like you haven’t slept in days.’

Nathan scoffed, slightly tilting his head to look at his feet and he absently kicked some snow off his boots. ‘That obvious? Sure feels like it.’

He had teamed up with Juli Kidman to deal with the remainder of MOBIUS, after the Union incident. Of course the destruction of the STEM environment hadn’t led to the fall of the whole organization– it would’ve been stupid of them to link all of their employees directly to the mainframe of a single STEM device, despite the Superiors’ obvious lack of knowledge concerning the technology– and while MOBIUS had suffered massive losses, it would only be a matter of time before they would regroup.

But he was not there to talk to Sebastian about how their hunt was going.

Something else had come up.

Nathan’s silence did not go unnoticed and Sebastian turned toward him, leaning sideways against the fence with a concerned look in his eyes. He did not need to say anything– and neither did Nathan, as he slowly pulled his hands out of his pockets and removed one of his black, leather gloves.

The pale top of his left hand had a burned appearance, as if fire had scorched away skin and flesh– the wound only partially healed leaving it broken and torn clinging closely to his veins and bones. Though despite how recent he had received the scar, its appearance instead implied years long possession, and despite its severity it did not hurt at all.

He could tell by the look on Sebastian’s face the scar reminded him of someone.

‘Now, I know what you’re gonna say–’ Nathan started, but Sebastian cut him off.

‘I can’t do this, Nathan. I have a daughter–’

‘–I know.’

His voice came out a lot sharper than he had meant for.

‘I’m not asking anything of you,’ he said, his heartbeat pounding in the back of his throat.

‘Not this time.’

It had started as police radio chatter.

Late in the afternoon, Nathan had already been getting ready to go home. Kid had picked up a mention of Beacon– its doors long closed for the public yet the building remained in the heart of Krimson City, left to rot and wither away– supposed ghostly activity reported within its decaying walls, and she had wanted to investigate.

Nathan sharply exhaled and put his glove back on, exposed fingers growing numb in the freezing winter air. He leaned forward with his arms on the fence, to move a little closer to Sebastian; as if he was afraid someone would overhear them, as if they could make sense out of any of it to begin with.

‘He’s back, Sebastian,’ he defeatedly stated, and the other man lowered his gaze. ‘I saw him. He did this to me.’

‘Impossible.’

‘Wish it was.’

Despite hearing many tales, and having worked on his project for years as developer within the MOBIUS branch he had been part of, Nathan had never seen or met Ruvik face to face. The brilliant mind behind the STEM technology had always remained in the shadows; up until his death, after which his brain had become the core of MOBIUS’ very first STEM device.

Naturally so, when Nathan had run into the man while wandering the abandoned hallways of Beacon, his first assumption had been that he was asleep– followed by a brief moment of panic in which he had believed he was dead, or somehow back in STEM.

But Ruvik had touched him– had forcefully grabbed his hand to make him drop his gun and had left a burn similar to his own scars– and had then vanished the second Kidman had yelled out Nathan’s name, the old and presumed broken STEM device in the room next door whirring and humming as if it had never been deactivated in the first place.

‘I’m here to warn you,’ Nathan softly continued, eyes fixed on a random spot in the bright snow covering the playground and thumb absently running over the gloved back of his scarred hand.

‘We don’t know yet what exactly he’s here for, what exactly he’s tryin’ to do. Investigating as we speak, but– shit’s looking serious. Somehow reverse engineered the STEM signal to reach outward, expand into reality. Push itself out rather than draw people in.’

‘Meaning?’

‘Similar to the wireless connection that pulled you into STEM the first time round, but– without being pulled in.’ Nathan had to bite his tongue to stop himself from getting too technical. ‘An– An active environment in our world, if you follow, rather than on the device’s mainframe. Signal seems to be inactive still, but we’re gettin’ the readings. No idea how he’s planning to activate it yet.’

They had moved the device to their own headquarters, on the outskirts of town. Had needed to connect it to the second prototype– the device that had supported the Union environment, which they had taken from MOBIUS’ headquarters after wiping out its agents– in order to gain access to the mainframe, get any data extracted from it in the first place.

Their initial hope had been that it was nothing more than echoes– malfunctions in the STEM device caused by neglect promptly activating the wireless signal allowing shades from within to wander the Beacon hallways– anything but Ruvik’s actual return, however that was even possible–

‘Daddy!’

Nathan blinked, drawn out of his thoughts by Lily’s voice. He watched her run over to the two of them– the front of her coat, face, and hair completely covered in snow and a bright smile on her face as she attempted to wipe some of it from her forehead, but if anything her mittens just further spread it out.

‘I’m getting cold,’ she said, squinting when Sebastian reached out to help her with the snow. ‘Can we go back home soon?’

‘Of course honey,’ he replied, barely able to mask the exhaustion in his voice now that Nathan had explained the situation to him– and for a brief moment it was as if they were back in Union, radioing back to Kidman from the momentary safety of one of their established safehouses. ‘Don’t want you catching a cold.’

Lily looked up at Nathan and smiled at him– but she was a smart kid, and he watched her expression change as she looked back up at her father, head slightly tilting before she shook it to get some strands of her ink black hair out of her face, the single white strand in her bangs– matching Nathan’s own– a grim and constant reminder of her mother’s fate.

‘Is everything alright?’ she asked, and Nathan couldn’t help but wonder if she still associated him with MOBIUS, if she still associated him with the tests and experiments they put her through and if she still associated him with the STEM device, meeting one another within in some facility in the Marrow where he was forced to watch over her like a vulture at all times, all to keep the system stable.

‘Nothing to worry about,’ he simply answered her, unsure if she would fall for his lie, but knowing it would give her infinitely more comfort than the truth ever could. ‘Just came to say hi.’

The breeze picked up, howling loudly in Nathan’s ears as if the whole city softly cried for him; the cold boring its way through his clothes and eating away at his skin, exposed or not, freezing him all the way down to the bone. He lowered his head– a futile attempt at shielding his face from the biting wind and snow, individual snowflakes cutting like knives across his forehead and cheekbones.

He watched Lily smile at both him and Sebastian again before running off to get back to the snowball fight for just a bit longer, diving behind the slide to get cover. His gaze was pulled back toward Sebastian– but said man appeared deep in thought, eyes pointedly fixed on something in the distance, head anywhere but in the present.

‘I gotta go back in,’ Nathan quietly continued; an unnecessary statement, the gravity of the situation like static in the air between the two of them, though to put it into words was to accept the harsh reality of it all– acknowledgement of what had to happen, what was going to happen, something he had not been able to do before.

‘It’s nothing like Union,’ Sebastian bluntly replied with a shake of his head, turning his back to the playground and resting heavily with his elbows on the fence. ‘He’s nothing like Stefano– nothing like Theodore. He doesn’t need a weapon or a core to draw his powers from, you get too close and it’s over. You understand?’

Nathan didn’t know what else to say.

He had never thought he’d have to go back into STEM after Union. He’d be alone this time round– no Sebastian by his side, no Kidman to radio back to. They had reconnected some old friends– Joseph, Yukiko, Esmeralda– but had no idea whether or not their consciousnesses would still be somewhere within STEM, and for all Nathan knew he would be diving into a world entirely of Ruvik’s creation, with the same horrifying creatures haunting it as last time, if not worse.

Of course he was terrified. All it took was one encounter with Anima and he would never see the light of day ever again.

‘You should go,’ Nathan said, pushing himself up from the fence and stuffing his hands back in the pockets of his coat, ‘get out of town while you still can. Grab a bag or two, grab Lily, take her on a– on a road trip up north or something, while we figure this out. Just in case he–’

He couldn’t finish his sentence. The thought of Ruvik succeeding and trapping the world in a constant state of STEM was something he would rather not think about.

‘–you know.’

An uncomfortable silence followed. And rightfully so– what else was there to say? The whole situation was ridiculous to begin with, and for Nathan to show up only now instead of at any other point in time, months of radio silence after nearly dying together in a simulation of reality lingering between real life and a dream–

He carefully watched as Sebastian shifted his weight from one foot to the other, able to study his face for longer now that the other man refused to make eye contact with him. He truly did look a lot better; Nathan could only assume the man had stopped drinking, and had been getting a much better night’s sleep.

Though despite the improvement in his appearance there was still that lingering sense of dread, the dark shadow that had washed over his face the second he had laid eyes on Nathan’s scarring and had realized what he had come to him for.

Nathan couldn’t blame him. But he’d had to let Sebastian know.

He licked his lips and nodded to no one in particular, ending the conversation himself by taking a small step back and turning back around to return to his car, drive home, drink himself blind and pass out to hopefully get some sleep in before he would have to dive back into his worst nightmare–

‘Hey.’

Sebastian’s hand on his upper arm was unexpected and Nathan hated how he could not stop himself from flinching, a reflex more than anything else, and he hated how it made Sebastian pull his hand away as if he’d touched fire, the tips of his fingers on Nathan’s body despite the layers he wore the first physical contact he had experienced in months.

‘Who is “we”?’ Sebastian quietly asked, briefly glancing behind him to see if Lily was still far enough away. A surprising question; though not out of character for the ex-detective, his curiosity piqued just enough for him to try and get a little more information out of Nathan before they would say goodbye and possibly never see each other again.

‘Me,’ Nathan plainly answered, ‘Juli. Used to be just us two but we gathered a team of old STEM developers to help us with this. They got moved on to other projects while we were working on Union– they removed their chips, came back for us.’

‘So all MOBIUS.’

Not even a question, simply a statement.

Nathan bit the inside of his cheek. ‘Ex MOBIUS.’

The atmosphere changed, a sharp tension bouncing between the two of them as Nathan straightened his back and lightly tilted up his chin. He couldn’t exactly place the look on the other man’s face, though by then knew him well enough to know his hesitation wasn’t caused by uncertainty, but moreso distrust.

‘Thought the program was meant to kill them all,’ Sebastian said, a somewhat hostile undertone in his voice that had not been there before.

‘Just our branch.’ Nathan paused, watching as Sebastian slowly nodded and mouthed a soundless “right”– not entirely sure what his reaction was supposed to mean, but he decided not to ask. ‘Already told you it runs a lot deeper than you thought.’

Myra's sacrifice had put an end to the Administrator's reign of terror– had destroyed his legacy, and all research and findings on the STEM system as designed by Ruvik and improved by MOBIUS. Whichever branches remained did not nearly have enough resources or knowledge to pull off something even remotely similar; and whatever scraps of code they could have gotten their hands on before Kidman and Nathan had wiped their systems clean would prove insufficient to provide them with a stable environment.

And even if they would make it that far– provided they’d be able to recreate the STEM device from written instructions alone, Ruvik's original blueprints lost to time and MOBIUS' own burned to a crisp in the aftermath of the Union incident's conclusion– the mental erosion Union's residents had suffered from and the Anima manifestations that had happened as a result had never been resolved, leaving any future STEM residents with the all but comforting promise of a similar fate.

'I'm diving in tomorrow,' Nathan said, knowing there was nothing else left to say. The breeze in the park was picking up again, sweeping snowflakes that were starting to feel more like hail than anything else into Nathan’s face with a lot more force than before, melting on collision and dripping into the collar of his shirt. 'First thing in the morning. Can’t waste any more time. In case you wanna come say goodbye–'

He reached into the pocket of his pants, then held out a note to Sebastian; handwritten, containing an address located on an abandoned warehouse site, not too far from Nathan's own home.

'–our headquarters.' He waited for Sebastian to take the note from him. 'No pressure, of course.'

No pressure.

The note was almost a blatant sign that Nathan wanted him to be there. He could not ask it of him directly– but gave him the option anyway, leaving the decision up to Sebastian instead.

But deep down Nathan knew that Sebastian knew that he really did not want to go back in alone– and if it had been up to him they had recruited Sebastian a week ago already, when things had first started to go wrong.

‘Do you have backup?’ Sebastian softly asked, as if he could look directly into Nathan’s head– asking the one question he had hoped for, with an answer to it that could easily enough change Sebastian’s mind about letting Nathan walk away if only he would play his cards right–

But despite how often he had practiced the entire conversation alone in his car, despite going over all the different things he could say at least a million times, just to get Sebastian to feel sorry for him– as selfish as it fucking was– Nathan found himself unable to speak.

He simply shook his head instead.

The other children and their parents were leaving, now. It was getting late, and colder, and Lily slowly wandered back to Sebastian to start dragging him back to the car if he were to take any longer than he already had.

Nathan looked up at the sky, eyes fluttering shut as he allowed more snow to drift down onto his ice cold skin, and he breathed in and out deeply before turning back to Sebastian.

‘They’re expecting more snowfall tonight,’ he said, locking eyes for only a split second and shooting a smile in his direction, as he began walking backwards into the direction of his car. ‘Don’t wait up. And– Drive safe, okay?’

Sebastian did not answer him.

It snowed in Krimson City, accompanied by a deafening silence weighing it down and choking it out, as if the whole city was expectantly holding its breath.

Nathan left.

taglist (opt in/out)

@nistarot, @deadrlngers, @euryalex, @ordinarymaine, @mojaves;

@shellibisshe, @dickytwister, @mnwlk, @rindemption, @ncytiri;

@calenhads, @noirapocalypto, @florbelles, @radioactiveshitstorm, @strafethesesinners;

@fashionablyfyrdraaca, @radioactive-synth, @katsigian, @estevnys, @devilbrakers;

@aezyrraesh, @carlosoliveiraa, @adelaidedrubman, @fromgotham, @wardenevka

[vixeneptune]

"I wanna be like her "

IT-GIRL MINDSET ♡

Scripting Affirmations:

°♡•☆♡°~°•☆♡•°

#🩷

I am honestly the most magnetic person you’ll ever meet. I am so cool, so charming, and so effortlessly charismatic that people can’t help but be drawn to me. I am the kind of person who walks into a room, and everyone immediately notices me. I am someone with a vibe that’s so rare, so special, and so unforgettable that people are instantly captivated. I am the blueprint, the one everyone looks up to and secretly wishes they could be.

#✨️

I am the standard. I am the person everyone becomes addicted to the moment they meet me. I am so naturally interesting, so unique, and so confident that people can’t stop thinking about me. I am always on their minds. I am the kind of person people daydream about, wishing they could have my life, my energy, and my essence. I am so effortlessly inspiring that people don’t even realize they’re copying me until it becomes obvious to everyone around.

#💅🏻

I am magnetic in the most incredible way. I am someone whose presence feels rare, like a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I am always the one setting trends, creating waves, and influencing people without even trying. I am so captivating that people find themselves mimicking my style, my way of speaking, and even the way I carry myself. I am the person who others measure themselves against, and they always feel inspired yet in awe of me.

#🫶🏻

I am adored by everyone. I am that person people tell stories about, the one they can’t stop talking about because I leave such a deep impression on them. I am unforgettable, and my energy is unmatched. I am so naturally charismatic that even people who don’t know me feel compelled to admire me from afar. I am someone people instantly respect, love, and look up to. I am the muse, the obsession, the inspiration.

#💖

I am the definition of rare energy. I am someone who doesn’t just follow trends—I create them. I am the person everyone wants to be friends with, the one they all want to impress. I am so naturally alluring that people can’t help but feel drawn to my energy. I am unforgettable, the kind of person people think about long after I’ve left the room. I am loved, admired, and deeply respected because I have a vibe no one can replicate.

#💋

I am someone who inspires obsession in the best way possible. I am so iconic, so original, and so effortlessly cool that people can’t help but want to be me. I am magnetic and irreplaceable, the kind of person who stands out even in a crowd. I am admired for my authenticity, my charm, and my natural ability to shine. I am the one who people always want to be around, the one who makes them feel alive and inspired. I am, without question, the person everyone wants to emulate, but no one can truly be.

[bamsara]

Hi! You don’t have to answer if you don’t wanna, esp if you’ve moved on from solar lunacy entirely, but I occasionally come back and creep to relive the FNAF sb glory days, and I saw an oooold ask where you said that you did keep writing but just didn’t share it bc people weren’t acting right, but that you might share once everything kinda dies down…

Obvi idk what kinda folks you’ve got in your ask box, but at least from someone who’s still in the fandom for sb, I definitely think the fanfic fuss has died down significantly, or at the very least the amount of folks writing has died down significantly (to the point where I, who has never written a fanfic in my life, decided I might as well give it a go) so atp readers are probably less likely to be gettin too irked by an author making their own decisions regarding their own story…

So… if you were so inclined… you’d probably have better experiences this time around

Maybe one day, but I've gotten really comfortable keeping anything fnaf I create to myself and a select few friends. That and I'm mainly passionate about COTL now.

Even if things are chill, posting stuff online isn't a massive priority to me when it comes to creating stuff. I have art streams where I draw for many hours and then forget to post the work online for months because the important part of the fun creative process is finished for me.

I wouldn't mind explaining how it was supposed to end but if I post anything for SL at this point it would be for preservation purposes (there's another 'P' word that means to archive but I cannot remember it atm) (Edit: it was Posterity!)

[eunnieboo]

IYHM ask replies! (2/3)

🌸 @csevet asked:

hi my copy of iyhm just came in and my fiancee and i snuggled up and read the whole thing cover to cover and CRIED!!! i love when lesbians 💕💞💝💗💝💗💘💞💖💗💝

AHHHHH thank you SO much!!! OMGGGGG 🥺 live laugh lesbian..... 💞💗💖💕💖💞💕💖💗

🌸 @chrysalis-the-butterfly asked:

I read If You'll Have Me a few months ago and I loved it! Your art is so pretty and Momo and PG are such cool characters! 🥰 If you're okay with sharing, I'd be interested to hear what inspired you during the creative process? Were there any pieces of media or any other characters which influenced the formation of Momo and PG? Or did you do your own thing?

oh my gosh! thank you!! i really love character interactions and relationship dynamics, so i wanted to depict two girls who seemed like opposites - one cool and laid-back, the other soft and sweet. after a while they started to take on a life of their own, and i thought it'd be wonderful if their story could evoke the feeling of a shoujo romance!

i had a lot of things on my mind when i wrote the script... friendship, intimacy, communication... communication can be so hard! sometimes it's harder with someone you're close to because their opinion is so important to you. and what happens when you've got a character who's non-confrontational and has low self-esteem + someone who prefers actions over words, and would rather burn bridges than admit to feeling vulnerable? how would they get past that? i wanted to write their flaws as believable, and how their life experiences have shaped the way they think about themselves / the way they respond to personal conflict... but also how they learn from each other and grow ❤️ tysm for the question!!

@bisexualgoof asked:

Hi Eunnie! I just finished reading “If You’ll Have Me” and let me tell you, it was spectacular! I saw it in a local bookstore the other day and it was a no brainer to grab. The characters are so fun, the story is beautiful and heartfelt, and honestly every character is attractive… I especially fell in love with the pages of the books without words, especially 312-313, it made me cry. Such beautiful art! I related to PG’s annoyance with her long hair, I felt very seen with her comments. I’ve definitely said “I’d like to forget” so many times myself, right to my butch heart haha. Thank you for sharing this story with the world, and thank you in particularly for your acknowledgment at the end of the book, it made me feel seen. What an amazing love story, hope to see more of this adorable couple in the future!

oh my goodness!! this is so lovely and wonderful and ahhh T_T thank you so very much. it's such a dream, having these girls be out in the world with their personalities and backstories revealed at last! and i'm so happy to hear about the cast and side characters, i love designing people hehe ♥ i'll definitely keep drawing this couple, alongside more sapphic couples that are to come 😍 thank you!!

🌸 @skittles-rainbow-cat asked:

HI HI HI!!! you’ve been one of my fave artists forever and i just got done with iyhm and it’s sooooo amazing im in love with it. also i think strawberry blonde by chloe moriondo fits mono and pg very well :] i hope you’re having a good day and thank you for all your art it heals me in many ways <3333

HIIII omg!!! thank you so much! this song is so cuteeee oh my gosh this line:

Takes my hand in hers when the lights aren’t on Smaller than mine and oh god I am gone

it's so sweet ;_; thank you forever, i hope you're having a wonderful day!! <3 <3 <3

🌸 @lord-of-the-froggies asked:

Howdy Eunnie! I know you're probably swamped with work right now, but I just wanna let you know that I got my copy of your book today!! I'm gonna start reading it right away, it looks and feels amazing. From a fellow Washington artist to another--congratulations on such a huge achievement!

yay hello fellow washingtonian! and fellow artist!! thank you so much for your kind words 🥺 and i'm so glad the book got to you safely! wishing you a happy read~

🌸 Anonymous asked:

I just found your art today and after scrolling through your stuff I went and pre-ordered your book. I'm so excited!!

omggg thank you that means so much!!! ;_; <3

🌸 @ddooyoung asked:

I got my (signed!) copy of the book, and I love it SO MUCH. It's everything I was hoping and more. I love finally getting to know them, especially Momo. Since the first time I saw them, I thought Momo was a lot like me and now I have confirmation 😆 Thank you so much for writing such a wonderful story!!! I'm excited for everything you do 💗

WAHH thank you so much!! yesss i'm so overjoyed to finally share their story after so long! i hope the signature turned out okay, i was very nervous signing books for the first time (shaky hand and everything) 😱 i think next time it would be fun to make a custom stamp and stamp a doodle next to my signature hehe. thank you again!!! 💕

🌸 Anonymous asked:

I somehow missed the news about your having created a whole damn book?? was just flipping through yu & me books's holiday gift guide and did a double take when I saw priscilla and momo!! zoomed in and sure enough, there was your name at the bottom! congrats on ihym and congrats on being featured on rec lists from shops as cool as yu & me 🎉😍

omggg thank you thank you!! 🥰 AHHH yu & me books looks so amazing! i've been to new york just once but if i ever get to go back i have to visit them... i'm always looking for indie bookstores to throw my money at 😤

🌸 Anonymous asked:

1. Will there be an “if you’ll have me” sequel? 2. Is Momo her full name or a Nick name? If it’s a Nick name what is her full name? Thank you i love your work! ❤️😊

ahh there's no sequel planned as of right now! but i'd love to make one if i get the chance... i have some ideas that i think would be fun <3 and momo gardner is her full name! i liked gardner because it made me think of flowers ☺️❤️ thank you so much!!

🌸 @upsidedown-shadow-dreamer asked:

Hello, long time fan here. If You'll Have Me was delivered an hour ago and I've already finished my first read. OMG it's AMAZING. I love the story, the beautiful art, the inner thoughts, the pacing, the page color changes for back story… Just major WOW. I hope you are so proud of this work. I'm already looking forward to reading it again. Thank you!!!

this is sooooo AHHHHH T_T i'm in tears. i can't tell you how happy and thrilled i am to hear this!!! it's so encouraging and uplifting and ahh!! i want to make more stories... and just knowing that this book will be read by the same person more than once, omg! it's truly the highest of praise. thank you from the bottom of my heart <333

🌸 Anonymous asked:

Hello!! I just remembered I could borrow graphic novels as e-books from my local library, found IYHM, devoured the entire thing in one sitting, then went through your tags so I could look at all your other IYHM art, and I was wondering if you'll make more stories about Momo and PG because I can't get enough of them! Absolutely obsessed with these two and I love seeing them so happy together 💖💖💖💖

hello!! oh i'm absolutely over the moon about this! i can definitely see myself making a follow-up book if i'm so lucky 🙏 but i'll keep on drawing more minicomics and illustrations no matter what!! thank you so much for this wonderful message 💕💕💕💕

🌸 Anonymous asked:

hi!! love love love your art!!! do you think we can expect to see another graphic novel about momo and priscilla in the future?

🌸 Anonymous asked:

I’ve read IYHM so many times already and I absolutely loved it!!!! Are you planning on writing another book with Momo and PG? Is is there a way we can buy more of your stories?

thank you both so much!!!! <3 a sequel is actually one of the ideas i pitched for my second book! my editor cautioned against it in case IYHM didn't perform well, so i ended up going in a different direction - but my fingers are crossed for future opportunities 😤 realistically, it will probably depend on sales... but for the record, i'd want to do one regardless of the numbers...

i have one more book coming out, which i'm working on right now! the timeline is a bit up in the air atm but i'll try to keep everyone posted. making a book is so slow but i'm so grateful to you all for waiting 🥺💛

🌸 @randomqueernoun asked:

Do you make webcomics for other apps/websites? If yes where can I find them and what do I search in them to find your comics?

ahh not at the moment! but thank you SO much for the interest! one of my biggest goals right now is to set up a website where i have all my work in one place, and that would definitely be the place where i post future webcomics 👀

also, just as an aside... i want to make webcomics so bad. i think after my next book, i might take a break from traditional publishing to do that. sometimes i can't believe i'm drawing hundreds of pages i can't post... i'm like, how are people supposed to read this if i can't show them? how will they know?! ahh it kills me... but yes... someday!!!

part 3 to come~

[arandomao3user]

I beg you for more Tim and Bernard being chaotic freaks

*Falls down twenty flights of stairs before pushing myself up* This could mean several things, and I will do each one! >:D

Suggestive content below, minors DNI or whatever.

—

Tim, sick, lying in bed: I'm gonna die.

Bernard, sitting next to him, checking his temperature: No, you're not.

Tim: Bet.

Bernard: Please, don't prove me wrong on this one.

Tim: Uuuuuugh...

Bernard: At least you look sexy when you're sick.

Tim: Do I not always look sexy?

Bernard: Oh, you definitely do, always, look sexy. But, I mean like this, your cheeks and thighs all flushed, and all sweaty and helpless and weak in bed...

Tim: Don't get any ideas.

Bernard: To late, I already have several.

Tim: . . . Are you supposed to have sex, when sick?

Bernard: Is that gonna stop us.

Tim: Hmm.. Nope.

—

(inspired by a short story @donkoogrr made for me :3 )

Jason, picking his phone up at two in the morning: Who the fuck is this?

Bernard: Uh, me, so, like, y'know how I asked to borrow a gun for things you did not wanna know about?

Jason: . . . What did you do?

Tim, laughing hysterically in the background:

Bernard: I shot Tim.

Jason: you diD WHAT!?

Bernard: I DIDN'T KNOW THE SAFETY WAS OFF!

Jason: YOU SHOT MY LITTLE BROTHER!? ACCIDENTALLY!?

Tim: IT WAS HOT!

Bernard: He's a bit hysterical?

Jason: Oh my GOD, WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME!?

Bernard: I SHOULDN'T LEGALLY HAVE A GUN AND ALSO THIS WOULD BE SO HARD TO EXPLAIN TO A 911 OPERATOR!

Tim, laughing harder in the background:

Bernard: I have a compression bandage on him..?

Jason: . . . I am on my way, but I swear if he dies from this I'm gonna throw him in a Lazarus pit only to give him an honorable death.

Jason: Oh, also, I'm telling Dick face about this.

Bernard: . . . F#&$.

Tim: Think we can finish up before he gets here and I bleed out?

Bernard, throwing a pillow at him: TIM!

Tim: I've been shot way worse!

—

Ransom girl, flirting with Tim at a gala despite being told several times he has a boyfriend:

Bernard, walking right up to Tim: It's done.

Tim, playing along: It's done?

Bernard: Yup. She's dead.

Tim: Good, good.

Random girl, watching with great confusion and slight fear as Bernard and Tim share a sweet kiss and walk away together:

*The rumors that the Wayne's are some sort of crime family don't get better after this...*

—

Bruce, after calling for an emergency meeting after a massive rogue breakout: I know this is last minute, but— where's Red Robin?

Tim, riding in on his bike:

Jason: Where the f#&$ were you?

Tim, looking around: Are there children present?

Dick: ??? No, Dami is still changing—

Tim: Good, I want you all to know I'm only half coherent, my brain is still fuzzy, and I'm still recovering from being choked out, carved up, humiliated, and defiled in the best ways possible, and I swear one of you better die to make up for what I'm missing out on tonight.

Dick:

Jason:

Bruce:

Tim: None of you wanna see what I look like under this costume right now.

Damian, walking in: Have I missed something? Oh, Timothy, you are here, finally. What took so long?

Tim: Sorry, was hanging out with Bear, y'know how clingy he is.

Damian: Tt, don't forget about your promise to take me to the zoo this weekend.

Tim: Wouldn't dare.

Dick: My baby brother...

—

Stephanie: . . . So, you and Tim are into some freaky stuff?

Bernard: We did not use olive oil, wooden spoon, or the kitchen for their intended purposes last night.

Stephanie: To scared to ask, but also me and Cass have been thinking of experimenting. Any tips?

Bernard: Several.

—

Bernard: You're mad at Bruce again?

Tim: Yeah, but it isn't that big a d—

Bernard, pulling his phone out: Say less.

Bernard, posting anonymously that he'd be getting Red Robin pregnant, one way or another:

Tim: Now what's that gonna do?

Bernard: Give Bruce a heart attack.

Tim: . . . What?

*Cue that night, Bruce begging Babs to tell him what rogue and or magic user is threatening to get his son pregnant and w h y ? ! *

Babs: Harley Quinn says she'd help plan the baby shower, Poison Ivy asked if they're doing a a gender reveal because she has ideas that were safe for the environment, Cat woman commented that she wanted to be the godmother and is currently fighting Spoiler through text for rights..? Nightwing has stated he's castrating anon, and Red Hood told them to watch out for Batman, he's always looking for new Robin's.

Bruce: I am so confused...

—

Tim, gesturing wildly to an entire wall full of case files and "evidence" while being sleep deprived: I'm connecting the pieces.

Bernard: Love dove, the pieces are not connecting.

Tim: They're connecting...

Bernard: What are you trying to solve exactly?

Tim, blinking slowly: I forgot after my eighteenth cup of coffee, but I'm close!

Bernard: Uh huh... Ready for bed?

Tim, whispering as he sticks a sticky note with a poor drawing of a chicken to the wall: Death before dishonor...

—

Tim: . . . Hey, bear?

Bernard, half awake: Mm?

Tim: I want grilled steak.

Bernard: . . . It's three in the morning, Timboo.

Tim: I know...

Bernard:

Tim:

Bernard, groaning as he gets up:

Tim: I love you.

Bernard: I love you more and this is proof.

—

Bernard: Uh... Tim?

Tim, setting down the twelfth cake: You said to pick up a cake.

Bernard: Yes. A cake. You bought twenty cakes!

Tim: I didn't know what flavor you wanted tonight!

Bernard: So you buy all of them?!

Tim: Except carrot cake! Because you don't like carrot cake.

Bernard: We have... So much cake.

Tim: I also bought brownies—

Bernard: Timothy!?

Tim: They're red velvet..?

—

Bernard: I am staring respectfully.

Tim, changing into his Red Robin uniform: You are not.

Bernard, looking him up and down slowly: So respectfully.

—

High school Bernard: I wear sunglasses so nobody knows where I'm looking.

Darla: . . . Bernard—

Tim, not paying attention as Bernard stares at his biceps:

Bernard: Shh...

Darla: This is not heterosexual behavior.

Bernard: No clue what you're talking about. Hey, Tim?

Tim: Yes, Stephanie is a real person.

Bernard: No, no, not about that.

Tim: No, I don't wanna hear the entire lore of Undertale again. And no, I don't care about your d#&$ size, no, you can't know mine either.

Bernard: . . . I'm gonna kick your a#$.

Tim: I welcome you to try, b#&$%.

Bernard, leaning in: I would have you pinned in seconds.

Tim, dropping his phone onto his desk now: Only if I let you.

Bernard: Would you?

Tim: Would I?

Darla: JUST F#&$ ALREADY!

—

[rivalcobalt]

I do have a playthrough recommendation! This is the one I watched when I first got into twewy; no commentary DS playthrough, main story only

I was looking for a decent video of the bonus day and there's also this longplay up now which seems to include all the content from the bonus day too, but I haven't watched it in full myself. That said, the resolution is definitely better and it's oriented upright when full screen which is much easier to see on a phone, so it might be better

how do you recommend people who don't want to actually play twewy but want to consume the media somehow get into it? do you have a specific youtube playthrough or something you recommend?

Hi! I think a playthrough is the way to go if you don't want to play yourself/don't have access to the game. I haven't actually watched an entire playthrough all the way through myself except for bits and pieces, so I can't really recommend any specific ones. But there are ones for both the original DS version or the solo remix/switch port, and there are playthroughs with and without commentary. Altho I'm biased towards the DS version, as it was how i experienced the game, the changes made in the other ver. are small enough that - if you're just there for the story - it will suffice. Commentary or not, that's a personal choice I think.

You could also watch the anime, though that is not what I would recommend personally as so much is changed and omitted or simply lacking in the adaptation due to the change in medium. It is faster way to experience the story, and there are things I do like about it, so I also present it as an option if with caveats.

However you may choose to experience it if you still decide to, I hope you enjoy it!

[amenalyme]

So I went to Desucon Frostbite!!

So long story short I’d heard good things about artist alleys in Finland and had been trying and failing to get into one for some time. But then by some miracle Desucon finally let me in! so me and my dear friend @kotikaleo went there. It was both of ours first con in Finland and my first time selling outside the Baltics.

This was our table. And ohh did people not lie about the Finnish artist alleys - it was insanely busy I’ve never seen masses like this in front of my table before. I think since the first people came up until the very end of the selling period there was MAXIMUM 5 minutes when there was nobody in front of the table and it took like an hour before we could even get a proper picture

needless to say it was my best sales yet at any event, which is especially insane considering we only had one day for selling. I definitely hope to come back here in the future

Additionally this was all of the stuff I bought

I was really bad at taking usernames this time so alas I don’t have names for most of them (but i can probably find if needed)

But I especially wanna draw attention to the slugcat print and Hunter charm - by @ javicterry on instagram. From what they said they were seen as The Rain World artist at finnish cons and I LOOVEd the initial interaction when they came to our table like “I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE !!!”. We also got to hang out a bit on the second day of the event and after the con and it was really nice. It was my first time seeing someone I didn’t already know selling rw art at a con and I’d been looking forward to that happening. I really hope we can interact more in the future

Speaking of cool finnish rain world artists-

I already showed this before but of course I have to mention it again for this summary post. But I got to meet @excessive-moisture as well!! Since I first did the Moon in a suit cosplay we’d been floating around the idea of meeting at a con at some point since neighboring countries and all so I’m so so happy we actually got to make it happen. I was a bit nervous that the interactions would not go smoothly and it’d just turn into slightly awkward onesided fan behavior on my end but noooo it actually went really really well and it was a nice egoboost to see someone I semi-look-up-to see me as a cool person as well. Holding out hope we can make something happen again in the future

As mentioned I was cosplaying Moon again. I actuallyyyy didn’t get more than a couple pictures and none of them even from myself. The first day I was busy sitting at my artist table and the second day I was busy sitting at various other artist and not artist tables and fighting stomach problems

but here’s the little bit that I do have. Saturday in a suit and Sunday with the regular white cloak Moon

(I forgot to put on the gloves in that one but shhhh)

I wish Id had the energy to walk around more but its fine i still had a good time for the most part

Also no smooth transition for this one but here’s also a collection of art exchanges between some people, including myself!

I just thought it was cool :) theres a few more things that arent visible bc they were either on other sketchbook pages or the person wasn’t there at that moment

ANYWAY the event was really great im so glad i went. Probably going to stay as one of my top favorite con experiences for a long time. I hope to be back someday, at least at other cons in Finland! As for general cons I currently have no confirmed ones for the future but I applied to and hope to be at J-Tsoon 6 in Tallinn 🇪🇪 and Comic Con Baltics in Vilnius 🇱🇹 in spring!

[shelbycragg]

hi shelby! can i ask how you feel about the work you did for homestuck? if i’m not mistaken you drew for Calliope (and other art) and i was wondering if it was “fun but in the past” or more “in the past dont wanna talk about it”- your work inspired me a lot back in “the old days” lol (i has a diff tumblr and diff life) so i hope it does not cause u grief! i just dont see much mention of it on ur blog. have a good day~

i did all that work when i was in my late teens-early 20s in college and i am 32 now so i mostly just look back on it with some nostalgia and a healthy amount of "oh honey" about my younger self. i was a part of the small indie webcomics/livejournal fanfiction community before HS inexplicably blew up with multitudes of young teenagers in 2013 (and the story went off the rails...) and i got pulled on to work on it officially, so my experience with it is a little different and it definitely a time when i was finding myself as a young writer. i met a lot of awesome people along the way, and i learned a lot about myself and what im willing to put up with, let's just say that. i left the team because of creative differences and it kinda just is what it is. that was like 10 years ago at this point LOL i'm much happier now writing my own story about problematic aliens, syn7ropy, which has yet to be released publicly but if anyone is interested in beta reading we do have a small and chill discord server with links to all the drafts and WIPs and tons of art

i still do homestuck related commissions for people though because gotta get that cash. LMAO.

[darylslittlebitch]

twd characters if the apocalypse never happens x fem!reader (AU)

characters: daryl, rick, negan, carl and glenn.

writer's note: alright, so this is my spin on what would happen if those gorgeous men weren't stuck in the apocalypse and just lived regular lives. you know, figuring shit out, falling in love, dealing with the mess of life – but still badass as always. i'm definitely gonna be dropping some one-shots with these storylines, so if you’re vibing with it, keep your eyes peeled for more! some of them will be spicy, like real spicy, so if nsfw ain’t your thing, you might wanna dip out for those. but if you're down for that kinda vibe, well, it's about to get intense. stay tuned. requests are open ;)

daryl

The door to Merle’s house creaks open slowly, the squeak of the hinge cutting through the heavy morning air. Standing in front of you, Merle’s brother, Daryl Dixon, watches in silence. His tired eyes, shadowed by a black eye, tell a story of the violence that haunts his family.

There was something about him that had always caught your attention, something you hadn't been able to define despite the many times you’d crossed paths while delivering goods to his brother. Maybe it was his gaze, distant and somber, so much like your own. Or perhaps it was that aura of hopelessness that seemed to cling to him. But the truth was, you had never spoken to him. You never needed to.

Your eyes scan the inside of the house. Daryl’s father is slumped in an armchair, an empty liquor bottle lying beside him. His slow, heavy breathing makes it seem as though the alcohol has drained away what little was left of him. You don’t comment on it—you already know how things are. Instead, you focus on why you're here, in this place so full of uncomfortable silences and shattered routines.

"Where's Merle?" you ask bluntly, cutting straight to the point, unfazed by the scene before you.

Daryl barely moves his head, his lips parting to give a short, clipped response. "He’s in jail."

You curse under your breath, running a hand through your hair. "Again…? But he just contacted me yesterday. Damn it, Merle. Now what the hell am I supposed to do with this shit?"

Daryl doesn’t respond. His eyes drift to the floor as if your presence doesn’t matter in the slightest. With a sharp movement, he shuts the door behind him, closing you off from the broken world of the Dixons. That surprises you a little, but your growing curiosity about Daryl pushes you to follow him.

"Hey! Don’t just leave me talking to myself, little Dixon," you call out in a teasing tone.

You trail behind him, as if simply making him acknowledge your presence would be enough to break the silence between you.

Daryl, of course, doesn’t bother looking back. He walks up the rocky path toward the nearby woods, showing no sign of stopping. But you, as stubborn as always, refuse to stop either. You follow until, finally, after a few minutes of walking, he halts. Without turning to face you, he asks a single question.

"Why are you following me?"

You’re not surprised. You don’t even hesitate before answering. You raise a cigarette between your fingers, lighting it with practiced ease. The smoke rises lazily as you watch him with a faint smile on your lips.

"You intrigue me," you say, exhaling a thick cloud of smoke. "I suppose I’ve never really had a conversation with Merle’s brother, and I think that’s something everyone should experience at least once in their life."

Your answer doesn’t seem to make much sense to him, or maybe he just doesn’t care. You’re not trying to make him comfortable, but you don’t want this conversation to be just an exchange of empty words either. So you take another step closer, as if the distance between you was the only barrier keeping you from truly understanding the man in front of you.

"I’m glad you’re not like him," you continue, your tone carrying a hint of proud affection. "You don’t seem as… consumed by all the bad things around you, you know? At least, I don’t see you putting all that shit into your body." You gesture toward the black bag slung over your shoulder—the one carrying the substances you sell.

Daryl’s body tenses slightly, and he shoots you a quick glance.

"Why do you do it?" he asks.

The simplicity of the question catches you off guard. He keeps looking at you, waiting for an answer, but you know that words are never enough in situations like this.

"Why do I do it?" you repeat, as if it were the most ridiculous question in the world. "Because I need to eat, Dixon. That’s what people do, right? They find ways to survive, even if those ways are a mess. And look," you step a little closer, "I won’t lie. This shit makes me feel a little less miserable. And believe me, I’ve been in worse places than this, way worse. It’s not pretty, but it’s the only thing I’ve ever known."

Daryl doesn’t respond right away, and a heavy silence settles between you. You can see his face harden, his thoughts drifting somewhere far away, maybe unsure how to navigate this strange exchange. Then, suddenly, his voice cuts through the air like a blade.

"You’re not with my brother?"

The question falls over you like a single drop of water in the silence. You raise an eyebrow, surprised.

"What do you mean?" you ask, even though you know exactly what he’s insinuating. You just enjoy the discomfort in his tone.

"I’ve seen you with him. A bunch of times. In the woods." His words are blunt, unusually direct.

You laugh, a sound full of amusement.

"Do you enjoy spying on us, little Dixon? Because if you want, I’ll give you a VIP pass next time."

Daryl visibly tenses, a faint flush creeping onto his face. He says nothing, and satisfied with his reaction, you finally give him a straight answer.

"There’s nothing between us," you clarify in a calm, matter-of-fact tone. "We just… screw around occasionally. Nothing serious."

You continue walking beside him, watching as he processes your words, doubt flickering across his features. Then, deciding to shift the conversation, you take another slow drag of your cigarette.

"What about you?" you ask, a playful lilt in your voice. "You seeing anyone?"

Daryl frowns and shrugs.

"Not interested in that kind of thing."

"That’s a shame. You’re damn good-looking. Honestly, when I first saw you, I regretted not picking the prettier brother."

Daryl doesn’t reply, but you notice a slight shift in his posture, a subtle change in the air around him. He’s grappling with how to respond to your teasing.

When the conversation begins to fade, you take one last step closer. His eyes remain fixed on the ground, deliberately avoiding yours.

"You know, you’re a good guy," you say, your voice softer now. "You have something most people don’t. If you could leave all this behind… things could be different for you. You could do something with your life. You’re capable of so much more. Believe in yourself, or no one else will."

The air between you stills for a moment as Daryl remains silent. You know you’ve left a mark, that something in him has shifted.

"See you around, little Dixon," you say, patting his chest lightly, as if all of this was far less complicated than it really was. "This was an interesting chat, you know? Maybe next time, we can talk a little more."

You turn and walk away, leaving Daryl behind. You can feel his gaze lingering on your back, but you keep moving forward—because in a world this broken, it’s the only thing you can do.

rick

There was something strange about moving into a house alone that had, until recently, been a family home. The furniture no longer had the same warmth, nor did the conversations feel the same as before. Now, everything seemed to be in a constant state of transition as you tried to organize the last remnants of your old life.

You still weren’t entirely used to the idea of being alone, but at least you had your complete independence. University was behind you, and though you didn’t fully admit it, you still felt the weight of not knowing if you were making the right decisions in your life.

The day had started like any other. The soft morning light illuminated the living room as you struggled to get the last big piece of furniture inside—a huge couch that, for some reason, didn’t seem to want to fit through the door. You felt frustrated, juggling the angle and the effort of not breaking anything, when you heard the sound of a car approaching.

You looked outside.

The car of Rick Grimes, the town sheriff, pulled up and parked in front of your house. You paused for a moment to watch, and you noticed that he was looking at you from inside his vehicle. Without much thought, he quickly got out and walked toward you.

"Need some help with that?" he asked, his voice firm yet carrying that natural kindness of his.

"You don’t have to, Rick," you said with an awkward smile, feeling a little embarrassed by the situation but also somewhat relieved that someone had offered to help.

"Oh, come on. Who else is going to do it?" he replied without hesitation, and before you could protest, he was already moving the couch with an ease you hadn’t managed in the last ten minutes.

The feeling of having him close was different from what you had expected. You had always seen him as intimidating when you were younger, but now, with the years that had passed, he didn’t seem so imposing in a bad way. He was a serious and professional man, but with that touch of sensitivity that had always drawn you to him.

Finally, after a few minutes, the couch was inside the living room. Both of you were exhausted, sweat covering Rick’s forehead while your shirt clung to your skin. You collapsed onto the nearest chair, sighing in relief.

"Thanks, really," you said, noticing how drained you felt. Rick sat down on the other side, taking a deep breath as he looked at you.

"It’s nothing," he said, wiping his forehead with his sleeve. "Just a favor. Not the first time I’ve done this."

"You sure know how to move heavy things," you said, trying to break the ice with a smile.

"It’s part of the job, I suppose," he responded, giving you a small grin before his expression turned serious again.

"Can I get you something to drink? I owe you big time."

"Yeah, sure. Coffee would be nice," he said, not thinking much about it.

"Of course," you said, getting up and heading toward the kitchen.

Rick followed you with his gaze as you walked, and though he seemed to be trying to relax, his eyes kept darting around. The conversation flowed slowly at first, but as you prepared the coffee, the words between you started to come more easily.

"How are things around here? I haven’t seen you much," Rick commented, standing at the kitchen doorway as he watched you.

"Good, I guess," you replied as you poured the coffee into the cups. "My parents decided to leave me the house and moved to another state with my uncles. So… well, here I am, alone, enjoying the boring adult life." You looked ahead, knowing your voice carried more melancholy than you intended.

"Must be tough," Rick said softly. "Being here without them. My wife… well, it’s been hard for us too, but…" His voice trailed off almost imperceptibly.

When you turned to him, you noticed that something in his expression had changed. Something was going through his mind, and you couldn’t ignore it.

"Are you okay, Rick?" you asked, noting the sudden shift in his tone.

"Yeah, I’m fine," he said, but there was an unease in his words that made you frown. "Just… well, you know, personal problems. Not something I like to talk about."

You approached him, handing him the cup of coffee. "If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me, okay?"

Rick remained silent for a moment, as if considering opening up to you. Finally, he sat on the edge of the table and sighed. "Lately, Lori and I have had a lot of problems… we’ve talked about getting a divorce."

The surprise on your face was evident, but you tried to stay calm. "Oh, Rick…" you said softly, feeling a pang of empathy. "I didn’t know… I’m really sorry you’re going through that."

He nodded, staring at his coffee as if searching for answers in it. "It’s complicated… makes me think a lot about Carl, about everything it means. It hurts not knowing what’s going to happen with us."

You stepped closer, realizing how vulnerable he was allowing himself to be. "It’s a tough situation, but you’re doing the best you can, like always. Carl needs you now more than ever. I… I think what matters is that you keep being the same father to him, no matter what happens between you and Lori."

Rick gave a small, grateful smile. The silence between you wasn’t awkward; it was the kind of silence shared between people who truly understand each other, even without saying everything out loud. "Thank you," he finally said.

The conversation continued, slowly drifting into other topics. You talked about your studies, how hard it had been to find a job, and little by little, the tension began to fade. You laughed more now, and Rick seemed to relax, though he still carried a hint of seriousness. Soon, the coffee cups were replaced with beers. The night had settled in, and the lights of the house gave it a more inviting atmosphere. As the hours passed, both of you felt more at ease in each other’s company.

At one point, slightly tipsy, Rick leaned back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. "You know," he said with a low chuckle, "I’m glad you insisted on the coffee… and the beer. I don’t usually do this."

You leaned back next to him, feeling a sense of happiness about the afternoon you had spent together. "Maybe it’s what you needed… a little distraction," you said with a crooked smile.

"I did need it," he murmured.

A sigh escaped his lips, almost as if he was about to confess something he had been holding back. You looked at each other, and the air between you shifted. A shared chemistry that you weren’t sure had always been there, but now was undeniable.

The distance between you closed without thinking. It was a slow but determined movement, as if there was no turning back. Rick looked at you with those intense eyes, searching for something in your expression, and when you found it, you realized it wasn’t just impulse. There was something deeper in that gaze, something that pulled you toward him like a magnet. Before you could even process what was happening, you felt his lips on yours.

The kiss was soft at first, tentative, as if both of you were testing the limits of what had started as casual conversation. But as soon as Rick’s lips met yours, the tension that had built between you melted instantly. The kiss deepened, the rest of the world fading away as Rick’s hands found you with delicate certainty.

But, like everything that afternoon, the peace was short-lived.

The sharp sound of Rick’s walkie-talkie cut through the moment like a knife. The radio, which had been silent before, suddenly burst with an urgent call. A voice crackled through the static, detailing an incident with a gang downtown. That was all Rick needed to hear for the spell to break.

Breathing heavily, you pulled away slowly, your mind spinning. Rick, clearly shaken by what had just happened, moved away quickly, apologizing.

"I’m sorry, I can’t stay," he said, exhaling before looking at you one last time, guilt and frustration flashing across his face. "It’s work, I have to go."

"It’s okay," you said quietly, still feeling the remnants of his kiss on your lips.

Rick hesitated before finally leaving, and you watched him disappear into the night, your heart still racing. You had always been drawn to Rick Grimes. But now, you liked him. A lot. Although you couldn’t predict what would happen between you after that night, there was a small spark of hope in your chest. You hoped that, despite everything, things wouldn’t just end there.

negan

The bar door opens with a subtle creak, letting in a gust of fresh air that contrasts with the warmth inside. The murmur of conversations blends with the soft music coming from the speakers, creating a cozy, almost nostalgic atmosphere. It’s a familiar place, one where laughter and stories intertwine over drinks and friends reunite.

You make your way to the bar, looking for a quiet spot where you can relax for a moment. As you turn, you feel a presence that is unmistakable. A face you know well, even though it’s been years since you last saw it, and suddenly, you’re caught in a whirlwind of memories.

Negan Smith. The Physical Education teacher who used to be the most popular figure in high school, always the one with a sharp smile and a defiant attitude, yet warm and attentive with his students.

"Professor," you say without thinking, your voice filled with surprise and affection.

You hadn’t expected to run into him here, in this small bar, in your hometown. For a moment, time dissolves, and as if sharing a private joke, you approach him without hesitation and embrace him. In that hug, the familiar scent of his leather jacket—the same one that once seemed so imposing at school—now feels different, less severe. Somehow, he has changed, though you can’t quite pinpoint how. But it feels right.

Negan, with a slight smile on his lips, returns the hug, surprised but comfortable. "Well, look who we have here!" he says, his deep voice carrying a warmth that seems slightly overshadowed by astonishment. "It’s really good to see you," he murmurs, as if the words belong to someone who truly didn’t expect this reunion.

You pull back slightly, feeling an immediate connection, as if time had been nothing but an illusion. "It’s great to see you too, Professor!" you reply, laughing softly. "It’s been so long since I last heard about you. What are you up to now? Are you still teaching?"

He takes a sip of his drink, his gaze thoughtful, as if trying to piece together his life in that very moment. "Oh no, that’s in the past. I retired a few months ago. What about you?"

"I'm in university, studying finance," you reply with pride, letting out a sigh, as if your work and studies truly define you. "I come back every now and then to visit my parents and friends. You know, roots run deep, even when you grow somewhere else." A light laugh escapes you, so genuine and pleasant that for a second, it makes Negan forget the shit he’s going through.

Negan leans back in his chair, looking at you as if he wants to see something more than the young girl who used to radiate boundless energy in his classes. "Finance, huh? I’m glad to hear that," he says sincerely. "I guess I always knew someone like you would go far."

And suddenly, in the blink of an eye, the air feels heavier. The glow of the conversation dims, as if a shadow has settled over the place. Negan stops smiling, and for a moment, he seems smaller, more human—something he never usually showed.

You remember the times he used to smirk with arrogance, always quick with a sharp reply, always confident. But now, there’s something different about him, something sad, something you can’t ignore. And you, feeling it deep down, lean in slightly, your tone softening as you ask with evident concern, "You seem... a little different tonight. That’s not typical of you. Are you okay?"

Silence falls between you, heavy and dense, and Negan takes another sip of his drink. His eyes, which usually carried that defiant glint toward the world, now seem dull, distant. You watch him stare at his glass, as if the words he wants to say are too heavy, too painful. Finally, after a long pause, a quiet, almost inaudible confession escapes him:

"My wife... she passed away a week ago. Cancer. And..." His voice cracks for a second. "I don’t know how... how to go on. It’s not something you prepare yourself for. It’s hard."

You remain silent, feeling the weight of his words hit you with force. A deep sorrow wells up in your chest for him. Without thinking, you lean toward him, wrapping him in a hug—gentle, protective, seeking to offer him warmth. Over the years, he was always the one encouraging you in difficult moments, and now, you realize it’s your turn to be that person for him.

"I’m so sorry," you whisper near his ear, your voice trembling slightly with the sadness you share with him. "I can’t imagine what you must be feeling... But I’m here, really. If you need anything, anything at all..."

He doesn’t say anything at first, but it’s clear that this means far more to him than he expected. His face shows a mix of gratitude and hesitation, as if he doesn’t quite know how to receive kindness. He’s not used to asking for help, and you can see it in his tense posture. But finally, his lips curve into a small smile, though the sadness still lingers beneath it. "Thank you. I... I’m not really the kind of guy who gets comforted, you know. I was always the one giving the answers, the one standing... at the front."

You, with the calmness that defines you, place a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Everyone needs a little support sometimes, don’t they? No one should go through this alone."

He looks at you, surprised by the sincerity in your eyes, as if he can’t help but feel a connection that goes beyond the simple embrace of a former student. "I guess so," he murmurs, staring at the glass in front of him, as if his emotions burn on his tongue. "I don’t know how to deal with all this... But I appreciate you being here."

You don’t let the moment fade. "When I come back to town," you say with quiet determination, your voice full of warmth, "I promise I’ll visit you. You don’t have to go through this alone. I won’t let you."

Without saying more, you hand him your number—a silent promise that, even though fate took his wife, you won’t let him face this alone. There’s something in your gaze, something that, without being explicit, lets him know that you care more than words could express.

"See you soon, Professor," you say before standing up, not looking back, yet feeling a flicker of uncertainty in your chest. Was it just support? Or was there something more that you hadn’t wanted to admit in that embrace, in that connection that felt so spontaneous yet left you with a strange sensation—something different?

Negan watches you leave, his eyes fixed on your figure as you walk away, leaving an imprint on his mind. Maybe it’s too late to think about anything else, but for the first time in a long while, something in him feels... less alone.

"See you around, huh?" he murmurs to himself, as if giving himself permission to wonder what this reunion could mean. But for now, all he can do is take another sip and wait to see how things unfold.

carl

The afternoon was as calm as ever. The sun filtered through the school windows as the last classes of the day came to an end. However, something in the air felt different. Carl, your lifelong friend, wasn’t himself. He was usually the guy with the easy smile, the one who could make you laugh even on the gloomiest days, but today, he seemed distracted, distant, as if a dark cloud had suddenly surrounded him.

You had been watching him all day. Though he tried to maintain his usual calm and relaxed demeanor, you noticed how his gaze drifted into the void, how he slumped in his seat during class, how he avoided speaking more than necessary. You knew something was wrong. Something was happening, and you were going to find out what it was.

So, after classes, as you both walked toward the school gates, you decided to confront him. In the distance, other students laughed and chatted, but Carl seemed lost in his thoughts, walking beside you with his eyes fixed on the ground.

Without thinking much more, you asked him softly, "Carl, what’s wrong? You’ve seemed off all day."

He glanced at you sideways, trying to smile as if nothing was happening, but you knew him too well to believe it.

"Nothing, really. Just… a bit of stress, we have too many assignments this weekend, you know?" he replied, a little colder than usual. But you didn’t fall for it—it was too obvious that it was a poor excuse.

"Come on, Carl, I’m not stupid. You and I have always been honest with each other. If something is going on, you can talk to me, you know you can," you insisted, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk.

He sighed, and for a moment, he looked at you as a silent battle played out in his mind.

Finally, his eyes filled with tears, as if a valve inside him had suddenly burst. "My parents… they’re getting a divorce," he confessed in a barely audible voice, and in that moment, his words felt heavy, as if he were unloading a burden he had been carrying for too long. "The fights have been… awful. I just can’t take it anymore, you know? I feel like everything is about to fall apart."

Your heart broke at his words. You had always known Carl as someone strong, someone who remained firm even in the most difficult circumstances, but at that moment, what you saw was a boy who felt completely lost.

Without thinking, you hugged him immediately, wrapping your arms around him with the same natural ease as you had done so many times in your childhood. You knew he didn’t need words at that moment, just the comfort of knowing that someone was there for him.

"I’m so sorry, Carl," you murmured, gently rubbing his back as you felt his sobs grow stronger. "You’re not alone, okay? I’m here for you. I always will be."

Little by little, you felt his body relax, letting go of a small part of the weight he had been carrying on his shoulders. After a few moments, Carl lifted his head, his eyes still red, but his expression a bit calmer.

"Thank you," he said in a barely audible voice. "I don’t know what I’d do without you. You know… I really don’t want to be alone right now."

"Then you won’t be," you replied with a soft smile. "You’re staying with me tonight, okay? We can play video games until late, have a horror movie marathon. I’m sure it’ll help you take your mind off things for a while."

His eyes lit up slightly at the idea, a spark of joy breaking through his sadness. "Really? Well… that doesn’t sound too bad," he said, offering a faint smile. "I think that might be exactly what I need."

You walked with him to your house, and as you entered, your mother greeted you both with a warm smile. She had always treated Carl like another member of the family. Dinner was peaceful, filled with soft laughter and casual conversation.

Afterward, you both headed to your room to play on the PlayStation. As expected, the competition was fierce. Each of you fought hard to win, but with laughter, jokes, and playful teasing over each loss. Carl, with his naturally competitive nature, did everything he could to beat you, but in the end, you won most of the matches, as always. The victory was sweet, but it didn’t really matter. What mattered was the company—the chance that, even if things were broken at home, he could at least enjoy a bit of normalcy with you.

"Okay, now I’m using my winner’s privilege," you said, standing triumphantly as you placed a finger on the controller. "And as my prize, I get to pick the movie."

"That’s not fair, you always pick the movie," Carl complained, though his tone was more playful than serious.

"It’s not my fault you always lose. Get over it already, Grimes," you replied with a mockingly arrogant tone.

Finally, you chose Night of the Living Dead, one of your all-time favorites. You both got comfortable on your bed, the laptop resting on your legs, the blankets partially covering you. Your legs naturally intertwined with his, but at that moment, there was something else in the air. A slight tension, unspoken, yet felt by both.

As popcorn spilled across the bed and the movie filled with screams and terrifying moments, you let out a nervous laugh and said, "I’d definitely die first if a zombie apocalypse started. I have zero survival instincts—I don’t think I’d last five minutes."

Carl looked at you and laughed, his signature smile—the one that made the world feel a little brighter—spreading across his face. "I completely agree. You can’t even run half a kilometer without feeling like you’re going to pass out. Plus, you have the speed of a limping turtle with vision problems," he said, chuckling, and you instantly shared the laughter.

Then, you focused on the screen for a moment before turning your gaze toward him. "You, on the other hand, would make it. I know you would," you said softly, your words filled with sincerity. "You’re strong, Carl. You always have been. And you have a resilience that most people don’t. You always fight, you lean on what you have, and that… that’s what would help you survive."

Carl looked at you intently, his eyes shining with a mix of gratitude and something else. A soft smile appeared on his lips.

Without warning, he leaned in and, in one swift movement, kissed you. It was a short kiss, but it held all the unspoken tension of years of friendship. The first kiss after so many moments together, after so many fleeting glances, after so much time.

When you pulled apart, you both stared at each other, laughing lightly, as if you still couldn’t believe it had happened.

"Finally," Carl said, his voice laced with disbelief and happiness. "Damn, did we really wait sixteen years for this?"

"Yeah," you murmured, snuggling closer to him as the movie continued playing, though it no longer mattered what was happening on the screen. "And it was worth every second."

As the hours passed, Carl forgot about his problems, forgot about everything that had been happening at home. That night, it was just you and him, in your own little universe. Just as it was always meant to be.

glenn

It was just another night, with the cool breeze brushing against your face as you walked through the streets, intent on getting something delicious. You had been waiting for this moment all week, and you already knew exactly what you wanted: ramen. Not just any ramen, but the spicy kind—the one that made your nerves tingle and your forehead sweat, but you enjoyed every bite.

There was a small Korean shop in the city center that you had always wanted to visit, and tonight was the perfect opportunity. You felt a little mischievous, a little bolder than usual, and decided to indulge in your craving. The shop, though small, was filled with exquisite aromas. Shelves were stacked with all kinds of Asian products, and in one corner, there were small tables inviting customers to sit and relax.

As you walked toward the noodle aisle, you saw him—the pizza delivery guy who always brought your food with a smile. That smile that never failed to make you feel just a little happier when you received your pizza. At that moment, your eyes met, and his face showed a mix of surprise and warmth. You couldn’t help but smile, a little nervous, and gave him a small wave.

"Wow! I wasn’t expecting to see you here. What brings you to this part of town?" you asked, trying to sound casual but not too intrusive.

“Well, I come here from time to time. I like this place—it reminds me of home,” he replied, his voice as calm as ever. Then, he glanced down at the noodles in his hand. "My family is from Korea, and whenever I can, I like to reconnect with my culture. And you… do you like ramen?"

His response caught you off guard, and with a smile, you answered, “I love ramen! In fact, I’ve been craving it so much today. I’ve been waiting all week to come here.”

Glenn raised his eyebrows when he saw your choice. You had gone straight for the spiciest ramen in the store—the one no one dared to buy.

“Wow, the spiciest one?” he said with a chuckle, looking up at you. “Are you sure you can handle that?”

“I love spicy food. I can’t eat anything without it,” you said proudly as you started pouring hot water over the ramen. “Fun fact: I’ve always wanted to visit South Korea. I’ve watched a lot of vlogs, and it seems like a paradise for spicy food lovers.”

Glenn seemed pleasantly surprised.

“That’s true! Everything over there has spice. You’d love it. If you ever plan to go, I can give you recommendations for the best places in the city to eat. And, of course, the best ramen spots,” he said enthusiastically as he continued preparing his ramen, making you smile.

You both sat at a table by the window, watching the city lights as you ate. The conversation flowed effortlessly, as if this had happened countless times before, even though this was the first time you had ever spoken beyond the usual order exchanges. Every now and then, you both laughed at silly things, and you realized how comfortable and familiar the atmosphere felt.

Suddenly, curiosity got the best of you, and you couldn’t help but ask, “Hey, I always order pizza from you, but I’ve never actually asked for your name.”

Glenn looked at you for a second before smiling, as if it was obvious that you wouldn’t know his name yet.

“That’s true. I’ve always been the mysterious delivery guy,” he joked. “It’s Glenn, by the way.”

You laughed, and as you leaned back in your chair, you couldn’t help but say, “I never imagined being here with my favorite pizza guy at 2 a.m. in a Korean shop eating ramen.”

Glenn let out a laugh and looked at you, his face lit up with a genuine smile.

“I’m your favorite delivery guy, huh?” he teased, playing with the idea, looking a little flattered. “Why’s that?”

Blushing, without thinking, you blurted out, “Well, why do you think I always order from the same place every Friday?” You dared to look at him playfully.

Glenn seemed to blush slightly, though he maintained his confident smile.

“Well, I guess you’re also one of my favorite customers,” he said, glancing down at his bowl before looking back at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You, a little surprised but enjoying the situation, let out a soft laugh.

"One of your favorites… just one? I want to be the only one," you teased.

Glenn smirked and raised a finger as if about to make a clarification.

“No, no… don’t worry. You have a special spot among my favorites,” he said, and suddenly, his tone shifted slightly, as if he was about to say something more important. “Actually, I’ve always wanted to ask for your number, but I never had the courage.”

At that moment, shock hit you. He had wanted to ask for it? You had definitely thought about it before, but you never expected him to admit it.

Blushing a bit, you replied, “I wanted to ask for yours too. But I never did… well, because I didn’t want to make things weird. You were working, and I didn’t want to put you in an awkward spot. And, honestly, I wasn’t sure if… if you’d want it that way.”

Glenn looked into your eyes and smiled in a calm yet slightly ironic way.

“If you think I didn’t like you, do you really believe I’d always give you those dumb discount coupons?” he said with a low chuckle.

You went silent for a second. You had never thought those little discounts were special, but now that he mentioned it, it was clear he didn’t give them to all customers.

“You don’t give them to everyone?”

“Of course not,” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Only to you.”

A long silence settled between the two of you. The sounds of the shop faded into the background, and it all came down to the way you looked at each other. Both of you knew what was happening. The atmosphere felt like a bubble enclosing just the two of you, isolating you from everything else.

Finally, Glenn checked the time on his phone.

“I should go. I have work tomorrow,” he said, standing up slowly. “But before I leave…”

He pulled out his phone and, with a smile, placed a slip of paper with his number on the table.

“Now you know—you can call me for more than just a pizza.”

You sat there, staring at the number he had just given you, your heart beating faster than you’d like to admit. He flashed you one last smile before walking out the door, and as you watched him leave, you realized that night had turned out to be much more than just a simple ramen run.

[yittiko]

I have so many random questions! Who's your favorite turtle or non-turtle character in Rottmnt? Any art/comic advice? What are your future art/comic plans if that's okay to ask? Who's the hardest/easiest character to draw? Sorry im just very excited, you're very talented!

I broke my computer trying to do this lmao

Leo was the one I hooked onto first but Donnie is a very close second. I think after them has to be April.

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Art/comic advice? Hmmmm.

I gotta go with the typical answer first and say practice is definitely the most important thing. You don't gotta be good at everything you wanna draw, but if you don't try it anyways you'll get nowhere (speaking from experience here bc I'm awful at keeping motivated lol)

For like, comic stuff, I'd have to say just do it. For N.4 I started it without much of a plan because I knew that (for myself) I was just going to keep putting it off forever while trying to make a solid story. Of course, I've had the vague idea and I've been sort of mapping it out as I go, but the chaos is how I think lol.

(Also of course this isn't how everyone rolls so it's easiest to do what makes sense to you)

^^ If you don't have a style or a layout for things yet, thumbnails and sketches are the way to go. It makes it easier to shift things around if you don't like em, or if you can't think of how to do it.

Nothing is ever set in stone, so even if you do start something, you can always revise it as you go. For comic stuff, it's better to ease into the difference by testing out one thing at a time, so that way it's not jarring to see and if you realize you don't like it you can just slip it back out lol

---

For my own plans I think I'm gonna try to start slipping my own stuff back into things. I'm definitely gonna keep rottmnt (because I'm nowhere near where I wanna be with N.4 and because I just love the show), but I need to get back into the groove of expanding my own creations lol

I think I'm gonna be pretty focused on N.4 for a while so I don't have any future other comic plans. BUT, I'm tempted on doing little side stories for it (I currently have two in mind but one I'm waiting on and the other I haven't shown the second main char for yet)

---

The easiest people to draw to me are the twins because I've got the most practice with them and they're pretty angular.

The hardest so far have been Mikey's round(ish) head, April, and Draxum (I wanna throw hands with him every time I decide I need him in a panel lmao)

---

I'm glad you're so excited about all this stuff and thank you! I hope you're doing well!

[sitp-recs]

top 10 drarry fics by the sheer force of the feels they gave you? not necessarily good feels! things you remember primarily because they hit hard in some way.

obviously, i'd also love to hear exactly how/why they hit hard if you're up for sharing that!

Oh that’s such a wonderful ask, thank you! I’m sorry for the late reply, the 10 fics came easily bc whenever I see those titles I get immediately transported back to where I was and what I felt reading them for the first time. But putting into words what exactly makes them heartkick-y for me was a bit more challengeging. It’s usually a “when you feel it you know it” kind of thing (and quite literally too, as sometimes it manifests as an actual physical reaction!) but more often than not the fic just clicks for me and there’s no rationale behind it. As Clarice Lispector said: “I suppose that understanding myself is not a question of intelligence but of feeling. It either touches you, or it doesn't."

Anyhoo, I tried my best to keep this short and sweet but since I’ve written individual recs for almost all these fics, I thought I’d include them too :) thanks again, this was super fun! And I’d love to read about your picks as well 👀

An Emerald In The Sky by corvuscrowned | my rec

it doesn’t get more romantic than star-crossed lovers doomed by time travel!!!! (see also: my thoughts on The Eighth Tale by lettered). this is my brand of melancholy, something about the constant yearning, the beauty of stolen moments in liminal space, the unfairness of it all… ugh

Far From the Tree by aideomai | my rec

fft has altered my brain chemistry and ruined me forever with its tender devastation, I had such a visceral reaction to it - to the point of feeling dizzy and feverish. a simple time travel concept (this is my kryptonite istg) but the epic storytelling! the gratification! the bittersweet ending! rereading it would kill me but what a way to go

Forgive Those Who Trespass by Lomonaaeren

easily one of the most haunting and terrifying fics I’ve ever read, one jumpscare after the other but so creative and well-written I was too busy collecting my jaw from the floor to talk myself out of it lol

Little Compton Street by writcraft | my rec

as a queer woman, this one feels extremely personal and is very dear to my heart. I’ll never forget the emotions I felt learning about queer history and finding a sense of peace and belonging. lcs feels like coming home 🏳️‍🌈

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton

this was my first bb fic and their sense of humor just blew my mind. I was so impressed by the smooth world building, by their wit and clever political commentary. I just couldn’t stop laughing. the dialogue is so good it makes me wanna weep, I can’t explain how much joy and comfort this fic gave me

Merlin Works in Mysterious Ways by lordhellebore

full disclosure: my reading experience was shaped by the fact that I didn’t realize the tagged disability would be major and permanent 🤡 by the time I noticed I was so emotionally invested I couldn’t stop. one of the most painful reads I’ve ever endured, worth it tho

Running on Air by eleventy7 | my rec

introspective fics are my jam and this one was just what I needed while working through some shit at a turning point in my life. so I guess it was more about finding the right fic at the right time, and I’m hit by mixed feelings of catharsis and nostalgia every time I revisit roa.

Still Life (orphaned) | my rec

my definition of a perfect shortfic. gorgeous prose, flawless execution, the “nothing is happening but everything is changing” vibes I live for, one of the best Harry pov I’ve ever read and an ending that always makes me gasp in awe. few authors can write complex emotions so effortlessly as seefin, absolute masterclass

Super Rich Kids by trishjames | my rec

criminally underrated, this story broke my heart but also gave me such a THRILL. I usually avoid substance abuse in fic but something about Draco’s spiral journey felt so raw it kept me at the edge of my seat. devastating but also a surprisingly funny and exciting thriller. the range!!!

The Long Fall by tackytiger | my rec

as someone who’s never been into kid fic and family dynamics, this was a punch on the solar plexus and rearranged my whole view about this trope. I was deeply moved by Harry’s longing for a family of his own and despite not having or wanting kids, this still felt really cathartic and changed me in a way I can’t quite explain.

[jeonginsleftcheek]

Stray Kids with an S/O who is a huge horror movie fan

pairing: ot8 x gn!reader

genre: fluff

disclaimer: this is as always just my opinion :)

a/n: as a huge horror movie fan myself, I had to write this! enjoy!🩷

Chan:

As he said before, it's not like he's scared of horror movies, he just doesn't think they're interesting to watch. But, you're interesting to him and he loves you so he will definitely try for you. He also thinks he won't get scared cause 'nothing scares him' but oh boy was he wrong. You have to promise him extra cuddles because he's not gonna be able to fall asleep that night. Will also try to dissect the plot with you after the movie, and try to find meaning in the story just so it's less scary to him.

If he was never really invested into the horror genre, you could show him the classics like The Shining(1980), The Omen(1976), The Amityville Horror (1979), Psycho(1960) and then also some newer iconic movies like Get Out(2017), The Ring(2002), Sinister(2012), Hereditary(2018) and The Conjuring(2013).

Minho:

Loves it. Loves to try and scare you while you're watching a movie together. At first, you're so happy that you can share your love for horror with your significant other. And you know he really doesn't like jumpscares, so you try to find movies that don't have many of those. But if they do and Minho predicts a jumpscare, he'll grab you at the same time it's happening, making you jump out of your skin even though you saw the movie already. You kinda start regretting watching horror movies with him because he annoys you on purpose. He thinks you're so adorable when you're mad at him, but he wont push too far and he'll always make it up with cuddles and kisses later. Overall, 10/10 experience.

I feel like he'd watch almost any horror movie cause he's a curious cat (hehe) and you'd both share your favorites.

I don't know why, but I also feel like Minho would appreciate good old silent horror movies. I just think if he's a horror fan he may enjoy seeing the roots of horror. Like The Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari(1920), Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde(1920), The Phantom Carriage(1921), Nosferatu(1922) and Häxan(1922).

Changbin:

I don't think he's too scared of them but I think he doesn't really care for them too much? Though, if you have some interesting thriller or detective movies to recommend he will definitely wanna watch them with you. I think Changbin likes a movie that has an intelligent story with a plot twist. He likes to guess what's gonna happen next and when he's actually right he'll be so happy and proud. He'll keep talking about how he guessed the plot and how smart he is and how you have to give him extra cuddles now. Either way, you're cuddling and snacking the whole time while watching and it's just nice and cozy.

I think he'd enjoy thrillers like The Game(1997), Fracture(2007), The Machinist(2004), The Double(2013), Shutter Island(2010), Zodiac(2007) and 1408(2007).

Hyunjin:

Miss him with that shit cause he ain't watching it unless you manage to coax him into it. It's gonna take a lot of persuading until he finally gives in but you have to be careful in choosing the right movie for Hyunjin. He doesn't like loud noises and he doesn't really like to feel scared. He'd rather watch something for the story, especially if it's an emotional one, and he also likes character driven stories.

I think he could watch artsy or slow creepy movies that are more drama-like but have elements of horror like Pan's Labyrinth(2006), Dark Water(2005), Windchill(2007), It Follows(2014), The Eyes Of My Mother(2016), I'm Thinking Of Ending Things(2020) and Case 39(2009).

Jisung:

Okay, with this one you can go crazy. Any weird horror movie, anything kinda disturbing, deranged or unhinged will be right up his ally. As a horror and anime fan himself, he's seen some pretty weird stuff so experiment, I guess. I also feel like he'd like fun horror movies, idk how to explain but ones that are disturbing but fun at the same time, like you can't look away even though you're looking at a train wreck.

Movies like Funny Games(2007), The Ruins(2008), Suspiria(1977), The Perfection(2018), Perfect Blue(1997), May(2002), Audition(2000), Saw franchise and Terrifier series would be fun for him. Also, since he mentioned Paranormal Activity, found footage horror movies would be fun to watch with Jisung too like Creep(2014), REC(2007), Unfriended(2015) and Cloverfield(2008).

Felix:

This is just not happening unless you can bribe him with cookies, gummies or any other sweets and ofcourse many cuddles and kisses, even more than you share usually. You'll have to practically beg him to watch a horror movie with you or make some kind of compromise that you'll participate in some activity he likes more than you later. He's not gonna sleep all night if you make him watch anything too scary, actually he wouldn't even be watching that. He'd probably be hidden in your neck the whole time and even the creepy sounds coming from the tv will give him nightmares.

The only way to make him watch horror movies is if they're mixed with comedy or they're so bad that they're funny. Like the Scream franchise, The Cabin In The Woods(2011), What We Do In The Shadows(2014), The Happening(2008), Tucker & Dale vs. Evil(2010), Housebound(2014) and ofcourse zombie comedies like One Cut Of The Dead(2017) and Shaun Of The Dead(2004).

Seungmin:

Kind of indifferent towards the scares but I think he gets annoyed with plot holes and characters acting stupid. Rolls his eyes at every over used trope or cliche sentence. You actually end up laughing while watching horror movies with him because he's too cute when he's annoyed.

"How is this killer still alive? He's been run over by a truck ten times, this is stupid!" or "Okay but why is he going towards the sound? Is he that dumb, he's gonna die!"

He does like dry humor though so he'd like some black comedy movies with horror elements like American Psycho(2000), Parasite(2019), The Lobster(2015), The Menu(2022) but also if you want to annoy him on purpose (because he's cute when he gets worked up) show him slashers like the Halloween franchise, Friday the 13th franchise and Black Christmas(2019).

Jeongin:

With Jeongin, I feel like it can go either way and it definitely depends on the theme of the movie. Also, he will probably try to act brave in front of you (until he jumps at a loud sound and then gets embarassed). For some reason I don't have an exact subgenre of horror for him but for some reason I feel like he'd like newer horror movies like Us(2019), Nope(2022), Last Night In Soho(2021), His House(2020), Host(2020), The Invisible Man(2020) and Fear Street film series.

[lesbiantism]

Nadja, Autism, & Womanhood (aka, me using the writers woman allergy to project on Nadja)

Ok here’s the highly demanded (by one person) Nadja autism + womanhood analysis. Before I start, I wanna note that I’m a rambly bitch. This whole post is basically me just putting down thoughts and loosely stringing them together. I don’t know if this will be coherent. I have Really Big Thoughts on characters like this but I never know how to really lay it out in a coherent way. So idk maybe none of this will make sense but it does to me so. Autism essay under the cut.

So, I’m a nonbinary autistic person, but I still identify With womanhood. Just not As a woman if that makes sense? Like I Experience womanhood but I don’t Identity with it, not entirely. It’s hard to explain idk. But for me, autism and gender are inextricably linked. I’ve thought a lot on how, when I masked as a young girl, a lot of it was just me over-performing femininity, desperately trying to fit in with other girls but always feeling like I was stumbling through the performance. Reaching out and tripping over my feet.

Women are expected to be a lot of things in society. They can never be too loud, too bold, too impolite, too dominant, too rough. Too much. I was always too much for others. When Nadja told that story about other kids finding her too loud growing up, so her teachers made her sit outside, I identified so much because school was such an isolating thing for me. My voice was something always criticized, and my big emotions, so I learned to quiet myself, to dull myself. I’m unlearning it now, and I think that’s one big reason I’m drawn to Nadja’s character, because she’s so many of the things I learned Not to be, and she makes me want to fully embrace them again. She’s a woman in a way I understand and relate to.

Getting more into Nadja and less about me—I don’t necessarily read Nadja as nonbinary per se, but I do think when it comes to other women, she sees herself as Something Else. (I think there’s something to be said about Nadja doll, as some kind of metaphor for depersonalization or dysphoria or something. I can’t really articulate it but if anyone else has thoughts feel free to). It’s like there’s a wall of glass there between her and other women. She wants to reach out, but that wall is there. But when it starts to slip-which is I think is what was happening with Guide—she puts it back up.

It’s interesting to see her when she actually Tries to reach out to other women. Like this season, being in the human workforce, trying to befriend Lisa, and getting So Excited that this girl liked her stupid banana phone joke that she just did it over and over, completely unaware that she was starting to annoy her. Kind of like how Guide was with her, and maybe that’s part of why she pushes her away. Because there’s a part of Guide she can relate to, that longing in her. It’s like that wall of glass is a mirror now, a mirror into the parts of herself she’s afraid to really look at or evaluate. And the fact that she can relate to another woman is New and scary. I think Nadja comes off as very confident, and that’s definitely true, but I do also think there’s that part of her that’s Afraid, that carries the pain of a lifetime of rejection, that she hides under an armor of stone. The part of her that has go bags made because she’s afraid of being exiled again. That part of her who, in many different ways, has never really felt like she’s had a place to belong.

I also think another thing that’s interesting is her relationship Jenna. How she saw this young girl being pushed around by others, desperate to belong, and she Understood that feeling, so she wanted to take her under her wing and help her find confidence. It’s a different kind of relating than with Guide. Jenna is a vision of herself in the past, but Guide is a reminder that those feelings—that part of her that Cares what others, particularly women, think—are still present in her. And it makes her feel threatened. She can’t look at Guide without having to look at herself.

Idk. Maybe all of this is projection but what is a blorbo if not a canvas for your own issues. I think I’m extremely correct about all of this though.

So yeah! That’s all my thoughts for now. Feel free to add on!

[nyancrimew]

You do a lot of really cool stuff and you do it As You. How do you overcome the fear of being Perceived and Known? Especially when the stuff you're raising awareness about is controversial or big? I have anxiety and while the "fuck it we ball" mindset has gotten me fairly far, I still find myself regretting putting myself out there or regressing back into a shut in.

i feel like what helped me kinda deal with getting pretty well known is probably not really applicable to many other people, because most of it really was that ive just been slowly more and more exposed to a bigger and bigger level of fame since i was like 16 or so. long before i was at the point i am now i was a really well known person in the android modding community and then the broader and broader tech community, i definitely didn't deal super well with some of my first minutes of fame and there's lots of stuff i regret (i def let it get to my head for a while and because i was also slowly burning out at the time i was quite an asshole to a lot of people). i don't think that was necessarily the best for me at the time, but i learned some lessons especially about community building and i did a lot of media work already at the time so ive been honing my communications skills for almost 10 years at this point.

i first started blowing up with hacktivism related stuff around 2019, and then everytime i did again it was bigger and bigger, making massive international headlines for the first time in 2021 (with the verkada story). i still fucked up a lot and got very stressed at that time, especially with my mental health being extremely abysmal and paranoia growing as state repression became inevitable.

after the indictment in 2021 i did more and more press work again (there are lots of portraits of me from that era) but still wasn't like A Celebrity except for those brief moments, which (as i took a break from hacktivism) gave me some more time to grow and learn. by the time the no fly list hack happened in 2023 i had been spending a few months already doing various smaller cyber security related work and working with many of my journalist friends in the industry. in a lot of ways the no fly list leak and the media reaction to it was just routine work for me already at that point, which i think allowed me to take in all the social fame way better as well. it still all felt quite surreal, but i was already mostly media trained, had quite a bit of experience with working with an audience already so it was just kind of a matter of adapting to my new environment.

this isn't to say i was like specifically working towards fame (especially this level) but ive always cared about community/audience building and media communication. i don't think im like "fake" or whatever, but you do have to consider that despite my laid back style im still someone with an autistic special interest in personal branding and media communications. i just don't wanna do that for corporations or for profit and instead use it for my activist and journalist self advocacy to give things a platform.

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part eleven

authors note: hi! i'm super sorry for the cliffhanger! i just have this thing where i need sections to be cohesive, and this chapter is much heavier than the previous, so i didn't wanna boggle ya'll down with all that angst!

i've also been thinking about the length of this story. currently, in terms of story timeline, we're at the very end of december 23', and i have ideas for up to may 24'. well, beyond that, but i don't want things to get stale, so i can end it around that time or keep it going? just curious because i don't want it to play out so long that it bores anyone. if that makes sense. just lmk.

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: angsttttt (parental neglect, abandonment, trauma) language, alcohol consumption, suggestive themes, some fluff

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

words: 6.2k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @southerngirl41 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @wanderingreigns

You knew as soon as he walked in that something was up.

In getting to know Joe, you’d also learned that he was, surprisingly, on the quiet side. He spoke with you, of course, but you learned he leaned more towards introverted than extroverted. It was kind of sweet and pretty surprising. But, you’d also learned there was a difference between him being his sometimes quiet self and when something was off, and something was definitely off.

“You gonna tell me what’s wrong, or do I have to fuck it out of you?” He rolls his eyes, not even showing any excitement at the idea of fucking you. Yeah, something was definitely wrong. “Seriously, what’s up?”

He shrugs, playing it off clearly. “Just tired. Back to back matches.” 

That's when you realize what it is. “You’re hurt, aren’t you?” He shakes his head, dismissively, and you cross your arms. “Take your shirt off.”

“What?”

“Take it off, or I’ll climb your big ass and take it off myself.” Joe blows out a breath. He has to know you’re dead serious. So, wordlessly, he lifts his shirt over his head and turns around. 

You gasp almost immediately. “What the actual fuck?” Your hand reaches to touch him, but you stop yourself, knowing that his skin must be sensitive to the touch. His back is inflamed, red welts spread in different areas with a nasty bruise that looks like a borderline hematoma and other various cuts. 

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Shaking your head, you point to your room. “Go sit and wait for me on the bed.” He opens his mouth, and you lift a finger. “I don’t want to hear it. Get in there now.”

Surprisingly, he follows suit, and you start to move about, gathering the necessary supplies. Along the way, you experience a plethora of emotions but mostly bounce back and forth between irritation and concern. 

You’re irritated that he didn’t just come out and say that he was hurt. You’re also concerned because he’s obviously in pain, and that bothers you. He doesn’t have to be, he didn’t have to be if he just said something. 

Stubborn asshole. 

With everything needed and placed in a cloth bag, you walk into your room and stretch your hand out to him. “Take this.”

Joe looks down at your open palm with a single pink pill. “What the hell is it?”

“Coke,” you answer with a straight face. Rolling your eyes, you answer, “Benadryl. It’ll help with the inflammation of the welts.”

“It’ll also knock me out.”

“We’ll we’re obviously not fucking with your back all messed up, so what else are you going to do?”

“Who said we can’t fuck?”

You sigh. “Joe, if you don’t just take this goddamn pill. With your size, you probably should take two, but I’m trying to be nice by only giving you one, so accept my kindness and swallow this damn pill or I’ll shove it down your throat.” 

He sucks his teeth but also takes the pill from you followed by the water bottle tucked under your arm. “You’re a terrible nurse.”

“And you’re an awful patient. At least we’re both on the same page.” You wait for him to swallow it before taking the bottle from him. “Good, now lay on your stomach.”

He lifts his brow, asking, “why?”

“Oh my god, you’re as bad as my students.” Men when they’re sick or not feeling well are a special kind of torture you’re not sure why exactly you’re subjecting yourself to right now. “Just do it, please. I’m trying to help you here.”

He just looks at you, as if he has something else to say, probably so. But, he surprises you by staying silent and following your instructions. 

Pleased, you climb on top of him, sitting on his ass to avoid irritating his already sensitive skin. “Okay, now this may hurt a little bit at first���”

He makes a sound underneath you. “Can’t hurt anymore than it already does.”

“If you had said something sooner, I could have helped you before now,” you scold, dropping the bag on the bed beside ya’ll. Men and their tendency to downplay pain will never cease to amaze you. The minute you start getting hit with cramps, you pop an ibuprofen.

“It’s not that big a deal.”

“You’re in pain. That’s always a big deal.” Pulling out the ointment, you dab enough to your hand and start carefully massaging it into the welts. He hisses at your touch and you murmur an apology but don’t stop. It’s short term discomfort for long term benefits. 

“What is this?” He asks.

“Calamine lotion,” you answer, adding on. “I have hydrocortisone too, but my grandma always said calamine works just as well without getting into your bloodstream. Don’t know how true it is, but it always worked for me, so it’ll work for you.”

He chuckles. “She sounded fun.”

Instantly, a smile is on your face as you continue to treat him. “Always. Summers with her were always the highlight of my year.”

He doesn’t say anything after that, and you continue to work the lotion into his skin. Once pleased with the application, you move on to the next part. “Alright, I’m gonna apply some cold compresses. You’ll probably be out in another 20 minutes, so just leave em’ on, and I’ll come change em’ out while you’re sleeping.”

When he doesn’t push back, you pull the compresses out of your bag and strategically place them on different areas of his back to maximize the comfort. Once finished, you climb off of him and go to close up the blinds and curtains. “Alright, get some rest.” 

You’re at the doorway when he says your name. “Yeah?”

A slight delay before he says, genuinely, “thank you.” 

There’s something meaningful beyond just the obvious, and it brings a small smile to your face. Not that he can see that. So you settle on, “of course. You’re no good to me if you can’t fuck me.”

He laughs, loudly. “Shut up.”

Smile widening, you close the door.  ________

Joe finds you a couple hours later in the kitchen, but it’s the state of you that gives him a pause and brings a smile to his face.

You’re dancing around, clad in one of his shirts and short shorts that your ass swallows up. Brief glimpses of your side profile reveal that you’re singing too, just in a low enough voice, probably not to disturb you. 

He doesn’t know the specific song, but the voice is familiar enough for him to know it’s Taylor Swift. That definitely surprises him, though it shouldn’t. You have a weird ass taste in music to where he’s found you in the shower listening to some random rock song, other times, it was throwback R&B.

You were just so….different from anyone he’s ever known. 

It’s one of the many reasons he’s so enamored with you.

Drop everything now

Meet me in the pouring rain

Kiss me on the sidewalk

Take away the pain

'Cause I see sparks fly, whenever you smile

It’s when you turn around, mid bite on a cookie that you finally notice his presence, smiling. “Hey. You’re up.”

“I am.” He nods, walking over to you. He gestures around the kitchen. “What is all this?” 

You finish chewing and swallow before directing Alexa to pause the music. “Well, I finished my lesson planning and was bored, so I decided to bake. But then I got hungry for actual food, so I ordered takeout.”

“And the music?”

You shrug, taking another bite of your cookie. “I like the song. Don’t worry, it’s the only Taylor Swift song allowed in this African American household.”

He laughs and moves past you when you take the chance to assess his back, immediately noticing how the swelling and redness have decreased. “How you feeling?”

“Better,” he answers, moving to the cartons, seeing that you made sure to order his favorites as well. “Thanks again.”

Smirking, you climb on the island, locking your ankles together. “Not so terrible nurse after all then, huh?”

“Your bedside manners still suck.” 

“Shut up.” You watch him fix his food and when he gets ready to sit down on a bar stool, you hop off the counter, prompting, “come with me.”

“Where?”

“All these damn questions….” Grabbing a couple of cookies and placing them in a bowl, you find your sandals and slide them on your feet. “Just come on.”

“Let me at least put a shirt on.”

“Absolutely not. You need to let your skin breathe,” you lecture, taking him in, all of him. “Trust me, no one’s gonna see us, and even if they did, who the hell would complain about you being shirtless?”

Snatching the keys off the table, you open the door, allowing him to walk out first. You start to leave your door unlocked but decide against it. It’s an extremely safe town, but there’s always a first time for everything. 

Locking it, you motion for him to follow you up the two sets of steps until reaching the heavy door that you turn the knob left and then right in order to open it. Joe’s immediately hit with a nice breeze and diminishing sunlight as the evening sets in.

“Come on,” you usher him to follow you to your favorite spot, sitting down and patting down on the ground next to you.

Joe chuckles, following suit. “Seriously?”

You ignore him, pushing on his shoulder as he brings his plate in front of him to eat. “I like to come out here sometimes to just get away. Especially if I need to clear my head. My grandma used to always say the closer you are to Heaven, the clearer you can hear God’s voice.”

He just watches you, the way the wind blows at your curls, making them splash at your face. Everything about you has always been stunning to him, but in this moment where you sit so relaxed and unbothered, he’s never thought you looked more beautiful. 

“Plus, you obviously need to clear your head to bounce back from that ass whooping,” you snort, taking another bite of your cookie. One look at Joe’s scowl makes you giggle. “On one hand, it’s crazy to me you put your body through so much, but I also recognize your passion and dedication. So, I get it. I was an athlete too. Love of the game type shit.”

You can’t say that you would have ever continued to cheer if it left you the way Joe would come to you sometimes, but as someone who’s been in a similar situation, you understand it. And it’s so much more than just a job to him. It’s a legacy, in his bloodline. All he knows.

All he wants.

So, you support him.

You’ll always support him.

________

There’s the initial chaos that ensues in the minutes after your departure. Callie’s confusion. Joe’s confusion. Bianca’s utter confusion. And as Callie is right there, Joe can’t go immediately after you. He can’t and won’t leave her, so he does the best he can, offering apologies to Bianca and Co. before taking Callie and finding your mom who was catching up with an old friend in another part of the show.

He has some level of difficulty explaining what happened, other than the fact that you’d run off and he needed to find you. It’s really all of the information that he has to go off of, and when he’s finally able to get back to the apartment where he thinks you probably went. He's disappointed to find it empty. There’s brief moment of panic. 

Just where the hell would you go?

He pulls out his phone to check again if you’ll pick up, but it goes straight to voicemail. He then starts to call your mom to ask her if she had any idea where you would be when he thinks about what happened. You were upset, very much so. 

You needed to clear your head.

He knows exactly where you are.

On that same roof he sat on with you years prior is where Joe finds you, but what he doesn’t expect is the bottle of Hennessy that’s not only open but already halfway empty and sitting beside you. 

He doesn’t try to hide his presence and is unsurprised when you ask, “How’d you find me?” 

“Wasn’t that hard,” he answers. It wasn’t. He remembers almost everything you’ve ever told him about yourself, including how this spot has always been your place to escape.

Just what were you escaping from is what has him stumped.

“Sit down.” You pat the space beside you much harder than what’s necessary. He sighs and asks for a minute, pulling out the phone and stepping away to make a call.

Your mom answers on the third ring. “Did you find her?”

“Yeah,” Joe runs his hand over his face. “I got her, but….can you take Callie back to your place?”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

He looks over again at the bottle. “She’s drunk.”

“Drunk?” It sounds like she’s holding back a chuckle, like his words are humorous because everyone knows you don’t drink, and she says as such. “What do you mean she’s drunk? My child doesn’t even drink.”

“She did tonight” Joe’s eyes fall back over to you to see you still sitting, swaying slightly as if listening to music. There is no music. “And Callie doesn’t need to see her like this.” He especially knows you wouldn’t want her to see you like this. 

Your mom sighs, heavily, on the other end. “You’ll stay with her, right?”

“Of course.” That’s not even a question. “And once I get her settled, if Callie is still up—”

“Oh, she’ll be up. She can’t fall asleep unless she talks to you or her mama.” It feels like an inappropriate response, but there’s a small part of Joe that finds joy in this. He remembers when you mentioned to him before that Callie needed to see and/or speak to you before she could fall asleep, a sign of how closely bonded you two were. To be added to that category means everything to him. “Thank you, Joseph.”

He sees no need in being thanked but acknowledges your mom’s appreciation anyway. “Of course.” The call ends, and he brings his focus back to you. The first thing he does is take away the bottle of Henny.

You see this and instantly scowl. “You’re no fun.” 

He sits next to you, asking in a quiet voice, “what happened tonight, Y/N?” Joe is still utterly confused at all of this, your zero to one hundred change in demeanor. But, the fact that you resulted to drinking shows him just how heavy whatever it was has impacted you. “Talk to me.” 

You laugh, but there isn’t an ounce of humor. “God, where do I start?” Your eyes light up, as if realizing something. “Oooh. I know where.” You lean into his shoulder, whispering, “I’m the product of an affair.”

This piece of information definitely takes him by surprise.

He's noticed you've never talked about your father, and he's never asked. Obviously, it was a sensitive topic, that much he could garner. But now, he knows just why it was sensitive.

“I don't—I don't know exactly what happened between them. She’s never really talked about it, but I do remember when I was younger, maybe—maybe a couple years older than Callie, he was—he was at the house.” You swallow, and Joe can see the distance in your eyes, like you’re no longer sitting here beside him. But someplace else. “She told me to go to my room, but I snooped at the top of the steps. Don’t….don’t really remember everything that was said except that she was literally begging this man to have some type of relationship with me, and he refused.” You laugh suddenly, and it’s so out of place, doesn't make sense given the nature of the conversation. But it does if he factors in the liquor coursing through your system. “He called me a m–mistake.”

Joe's heart aches at your words. “Baby—”

“When I was sixteen years old, I worked at a clothing store in town, and I saved up my money for this necklace…it was gold, and I thought—I thought it was so pretty. It made me feel fancy.” You chuckle, not as humorous this time, head tilting. “And once I finally got the necklace, I drove—I drove an hour away because…because after all those years, I still….I wanted to meet my father. I wanted…I wanted him to be in my life.” 

“He’s uh—or was, I’m not sure anymore—captain of police in his town, so I went to the precinct to meet him, wearing that necklace that I worked months to save up for because…because I wanted to look nice. I remember walking into his office, and I was nervous, but—but I also figured there was no way he could reject me then. I—I was head cheerleader. A straight A student. I—I had just gotten a near perfect score on both my SAT and ACT. I was…I was a good kid, Joe.”

Your jaw fixes, and he can see you’re trying to hold back tears. It kills him to see you this upset. He’s never seen you this vulnerable. “And I—I told him all that. I told him I wanted to see if he wanted a relationship with me, and do you know what he told me?” You suddenly stand up, clearly intending to mimic this interaction. “A relationship? Why would I want a relationship with you? You’re not even supposed to exist.” 

You giggle, eyes watering. Joe frowns. He can’t even begin to fathom how someone can say something like that to their own flesh and blood.

“Oh, but that’s not even the best part.” You’re doing one hell of a job playing this all off as something that isn’t impacting you, no doubt thanks to the alcohol. But, he knows you well enough to know and even see where this is headed. “He—” you hiccup, covering your mouth to hide your giggles. “He said again that I was a mistake that he paid my mom to take care of and—” It’s starting to crack, the alcohol induced facade that all of this is fine, that you don’t care. Your voice starts to catch. “---that the money he gave her for an abortion was the biggest waste of money he ever spent.”

“Y/N—”

“Minutes later, his wife walked in and then—and then his daughter walked in, and I—I ran. I couldn’t….I couldn’t—we looked the same age, Joe. He had a daughter already, he–he didn’t need me. He didn't—he didn’t want me.” You sniffle, wiping at your eyes. “And that’s fine, I—I didn’t care. I—I blocked that out after that day. I’d—I’d forgotten about him.” A beat. “Until tonight.”

“Because—because for the first time since I was sixteen years old, I was in front of all of them again. My—my—father, his wife, my—-”

Joe starts putting the pieces together. “Bianca….”

“She’s my sister,” you answer for him, having a hard time keeping it all in at this point. “She’s the one he’s proud of. She’s the one whose kid he claims as his grandchild. She’s the one he acknowledges. I’m just—I’m just the mistake he wishes was never born.” 

Joe stands up, gradually moving toward you. 

“I did everything right. I stayed out of trouble. I went to school. I got my degree. I did—-” He’s in front of you, gently pulling you into him as you finally break. “I don’t understand why he didn’t want me. I’m his daughter.” you finally shatter, crying into his chest. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Hey, hey—” Joe brings his hands to your face, making you look at him. “There is nothing wrong with you. You are an amazing, intelligent, beautiful woman, and I can’t even begin to describe how amazing of a mother you are.” He wipes away your tears as you clutch onto his shirt. “He doesn’t deserve you, baby. He doesn’t deserve to be in your life. He never did, and he never will. Fuck him. You don’t need shit from him. I’ve got you, okay? Always.” You allow him to hold you, to comfort you, because it’s just what you need in this moment. You tried to find it in solitude, tried to find it at the bottom of a liquor bottle, but it was all in vain. You just needed him.

Joe holds you as long as you allow him, letting you cry it out until he's eventually able to guide you into returning to your apartment.

But outside the door is when you hesitate.

He notices this, immediately asking, “what’s wrong?”

Your eyes start watering again. “Callie…I—I don’t want her to—”

He shakes his head, kissing the top of your head. “I asked your mom to take her back to her place. I’ll go check on her after I get you straight.”

This seems to settle some of your anxiety, and he continues to guide you into your bedroom. He helps you out of your clothes and into a simple t-shirt that he recognizes as one of his own.

Joe moves all of your decorative pillows, placing them on the chair in the corner of your room as you pull back the blankets. He turns around to find you reaching for his hand, tugging him towards the bed. “Just—just until I fall asleep.”

He doesn’t object. Joe planned to stay with you until then anyway.

He undresses enough to climb into bed with you, and you waste no time burying yourself into his chest, feeling an instant sense of peace when he wraps his strong arms around you. You’ve always felt so safe and protected in his embrace, and in this moment, it’s everything you need. 

“I realized something tonight,” you mumble into his skin. Joe’s hand is under your shirt, hand moving soothing circles on the small of your back. “I—I didn’t keep Callie from you because of your wife. That was part of the reason, but it wasn’t the main reason.” You lift your head, throat feeling pressured as you allow yourself to finally admit, “the truth is that I was terrified you would reject her the way my dad rejected me, and I never wanted her to feel that way. And I know now that you would never do that to her, but I—I didn’t know then, and I was so wrong, and I’m so sorry. I—”

“Hey—” He cuts you off, hand going to palm your cheek. “Don’t do that. I understand why you did it now, I do. You were trying to protect her. I can’t be upset with you for that. I’m not.” He studies your face, your eyes, always so beautiful to him. “I don’t think I could ever be mad at you for too long.”

It’s not a lie. Joe’s always thought he’s known you like the back of his hand, learned you so well, but tonight has shown him that he didn’t know everything. He’ll never get back the time he missed out on with Callie, and maybe on some level there will always be a slither of resentment. But, it’s not enough for him to notice and most definitely not enough for him to actually feel.

He’s not quite sure how he could find it in him to hold your decision against you. It didn’t come from a place of selfishness or vindictiveness but love and protectiveness. You just wanted to keep her from experiencing the pain and trauma you’d endured. 

There was no faulting that. 

And you accept his grace, so understanding and considerate. You feel slightly undeserving but immensely grateful that he can extend such empathy. 

You’re quiet after that, eyes shut as you work to turn off your brain and decompress what’s inarguably been one of the most difficult days of your life. You’re almost in the early stages of sleep when his voice invades the quietness. 

“I love you.” Joe doesn’t feel any sort of movement at his confession, doesn’t feel you tense or relax. He’s not even sure if you’re still awake, but still, he continues. “I’ve always loved you, and I don’t even know how much of this you’ll remember tomorrow, but that doesn’t matter because I’ve always imagined telling you under much different circumstances anyway.”

“I want to be with you,” he continues. “I’ve always wanted to be with you, and I’m sorry for not putting you first. You deserved better than that. I should have gotten divorced long before I even met you. And that’s….something we eventually need to talk about. I owe you that much.”

He wants to say more, so much more, but he also knows now is not the time given he’s almost certain you’re asleep. Hence why he finally slips out of bed, knowing he needs to check on Callie.

He doesn’t leave without caressing your cheek and kissing your temple, relieved that you’re finally getting some rest following what was inexplicably an emotionally draining day. 

But you’re not asleep, and you did hear it.

You heard it all.

________

“Who are you?”

Joe walked into your moms house, not expecting anyone other than your mom and Callie. Only one of those individuals are present, and the other is a man he’s never in his life seen before but automatically doesn’t like. Just his aura seems off. 

Joe especially hates that this man is in the same house as his little girl.

Your mom seems taken back by this side of him and explains, “Joe, this is Amir. He’s, uhh, an old friend of Y/N. He saw her run off and wanted to check in on her.”

The day's events are definitely a contributing factor as Joe feels exhausted, both mentally and physically, but hearing that this is the infamous Amir instantly angers him. What the hell is he doing here?

“You bold as hell coming here.” is all Joe says, redirecting his attention to your mom. “Y/N tell you that she found out he and Mariah been sleeping with each other?”

What he wants to say is that they’ve been fucking, but he wants to remain respectful. Even if it is hard as hell.

Your mom is looking, mouth ajar, between Joe and Amir. “Wh–what is he talking about, Amir?”

“So you’re the one that’s been feeding those lies into her.” Deflection. It’s a typical bitch move. “You talking a lot of shit for someone who abandoned his own kid and just came back on the scene like ain't nothing happened.”

If not for the fact that you’ve already explained to Joe that you’d never told Amir what really happened between you and him because it was none of his business, Joe would have been livid. He would never abandon you. And definitely never Callie. Ever.

He’d have been with you every fucking step of the way the minute you found out you were pregnant if he’d been given the chance.

But all of that is no business of this asshole’s. 

“You can say or think whatever the hell you want about me. It doesn’t matter. You’re irrelevant, regardless, so the same way you walked your ass in here is the same way you can walk your ass right on out.”

“Apparently not to Y/N.” He’s smug, and it takes a tremendous amount of willpower for Joe to not lay this man out right then and there. He doesn’t know why you would ever settle for the likes of this prick. “Not with how many times she ended up in my bed.” 

Joe partially forgot your mom was even in the same vicinity until she gasps loudly, clearly disgusted, “my Lord. Please, this is my daughter you’re speaking about.”

With a low chuckle, Joe tries his best to remain respectful yet still abundantly clear. “And how many times has she reached out to you since I’ve been back?” His silence is all the answer Joe needs, not that he really needs one at all. Joe knows you have eyes and desire for him and him alone. He just needs to prove a point to this motherfucker. “I’m not asking you. I’m telling you to stay the fuck away from my girlfriend and especially my daughter, cause the next time it won’t be no conversation.”

And before Amir can say or even, stupidly, do anything, a new smaller voice enters the scene.

“Daddy!”

Joe is unsure if he’ll ever get over the joy that fills him at being called that. Callie is at the top of the steps but proceeds to rush down when she sees him, Joe leaning down and catching her, picking her up.

“Hey, sweetheart.” He kisses her cheek, noticing almost immediately how tired she looks. Understandable, as it’s almost 11 o’ clock, far past her bedtime. Uncomfortable with this Amari or whatever the fuck his name is being so close to Callie, Joe starts leading her back up the stairs.

With a frown, she asks the question he was expecting. “Where’s mommy?” 

“She’s back at the apartment sleeping.” Joe is unsure just how to explain tonight’s events to Callie, not really knowing how to help her understand what occurred, if at all possible. “I’ll take you to see her tomorrow morning as soon as she wakes up.”

Joe walks her into her room at your mom’s place and seats her on the bed, sitting next to her. “What’s wrong with her?”

Such a simple question in wording and massively difficult in every other area, especially when one considers Callie’s young age. 

“Mommy saw someone who was very mean to her when she was little, and it made her sad, so….she just wanted to be alone.” It’s the best, simplest answer that’s not a lie he can come up with on the spot.

Callie’s frown deepens. “I don’t want mommy to be sad.”

“Neither do I, baby,” he murmurs. “But, I talked with her, and she should start feeling better soon, okay?”

Her frown diminishes slightly, and Joe can tell she’s in thought. She then asks, “are you gonna go stay with mommy tonight?”

“I was, but I can stay with you, if you want me to.” Joe knows you’ll probably sleep throughout the night because of the alcohol and more importantly, if Callie needs him, he’s there. No questions asked.

You would do the same. 

She suddenly shakes her head. “Mommy stays with me when I’m sad, so someone’s gotta stay with her while she’s sad.” Her face grows sullen again as she asks with a yawn, “do you still have to leave tomorrow morning?”

“No, I leave tomorrow night instead.”

In the midst of all of tonight’s chaos, he’d managed to switch flights, picking an evening one instead. Joe let Hunter know there was a family emergency, and that he’d be back later than initially expected. Hunter was understanding, and while he was grateful for that, it didn’t really make a difference.

You and Callie come first. 

She’s obviously partially pleased with this information and moves her body against his, laying her head on his arm. “I’m sleepy….”

Reaching to caress her cheek with his finger, he directs, “get some rest, Callie. I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep.”

She doesn’t say anything, just closes her eyes. It doesn’t take long for sleep to overtake her, a mere matter of minutes really. He stays with her longer though, just to be sure, needing to know she’s okay.

He needs both of yall to be okay.

________

You wake up with an instant sense of unease and discomfort. Your head is throbbing, and your body feels heavy. Your chest feels pressured, like there’s some invisible weight on it.

But in a matter of seconds, it all comes rushing back to you. The fireworks. Bianca. Seeing your dad. Running. Drinking. 

"I love you."

Eyes shutting, you do your best to settle your brain because only one thing is at the front of your mind when you hear giggling coming from outside of your closed door.

Callie 

Just how in the hell did your brief mental breakdown affect your child? 

Pushing the blankets off, it’s then you notice the bottle of water and white pill sitting on your nightstand. Picking it up, you see it’s Advil.

“Joe…..” you whisper, realizing he must have left it here waiting for you once you woke up. Eyes watering at his thoughtfulness, you swallow it and head straight for the bathroom. You need to get cleaned up and get out there to see what kind of damage you’ve unintentionally inflicted on your child’s psyche.

You know how attached she is to you and don’t even allow yourself to think about how difficult it must have been to be so abruptly ripped away.

Especially when you’re the one who did the ripping.

The shower is kept to a minimum, and once your teeth are brushed and face clean, you don’t hesitate to step out of the room. Following the path of sound, in the kitchen is where you find Callie. With Joe. 

They’re sharing a quiet laugh, and you’re certain it’s quiet because he told her you needed your rest. Always looking out for you. 

However, it’s when Callie happens to glance your way that her eyes go big. 

“Mommy!”

She surprisingly climbs off the counter instead of outright jumping and runs over to you. You kneel down to meet her for her hug, so tight and welcoming. “Do you feel better?” 

“Oh baby, I’m always better when I get to see you.” Kissing her forehead, you add, gently, “mommy’s sorry for scaring you.” And it's true. You never meant to scare her or make her worry about you, and it's something you'll work as hard as necessary to make up to her.

But your sweet child surprises you with her authentic, mature reassurances. “It’s okay. Daddy said you were sad,” she explains and gasps. “I made you something to make you smile!”

Touched, you palm her cheek. She really is the light of your life. “I’d love to see it, baby.”

“Okay! I’ll be right back.” She rushes out of the kitchen, and you take the opportunity to talk to Joe. Wordlessly, you move over to hug him.

“Thank you.” There’s not enough thank yous to show him just how appreciative you are to have him in your life, to have him as Callie’s father. He took such control yesterday while you were busy drowning in your daddy issues. And now he’s still here when you’re almost certain that he was supposed to have flown out at the crack of dawn. “I’m really sorry about last night. That’s not—-I don’t get drunk. I would never leave Callie like that—“

“I don’t care about any of that,” he dismisses. You believe him, as he looks entirely uninterested in any explanation you want to provide him because he sees it as unnecessary. He takes the back of hand to feel your forehead. “How are you feeling? Did you take the Advil?”

Nodding, you try again, “seriously, Joe. You’ve changed your whole schedule around—“

“You needed me,” he answers. “There was nothing to think about.”

And the tears are brewing again, but for very different reasons. This man is everything you’ve always wanted and dreamed of, even better. And he loves you. He wants to be with you. Your daughter's father wants to establish a life with you, be a family. What logical reason do you have to continue to deny him? Deny yourself?

“Joe…..” Licking your lips, you place your hands on his chest. “I lo—”

“Here it is, mommy!”

Callie’s interruption is both perfect and imperfect timing. You want so badly to tell him that you love him too, that you also want to be with him. But maybe it’s not the best timing, maybe the setting should be different.

You want him to know you love him not just because of the aftershocks of vulnerability. That you’re in love with him and have been since you were 23 years old. 

Callie is at your legs, holding up a drawing she created of you surrounded by hearts. Her artwork has always been her favorite form of expression, and you’re so grateful for her pure, kind heart in this moment.

Holding it against your chest, you lean down to accept her hug. “Thank you so much, baby. I love it.” 

“Yay!” She rejoices and then looks up between the two of you. “Daddy and I made you breakfast!”  

Gasping, you ask, “really?” It’s only then you notice the kitchen, while cleaner than one would expect after preparing breakfast with a four-year-old, you see the counters that have food laid out on a variety of plates and tupperware. “Waffles?”

“Your favorite.” Joe reaches to kiss your temple, and lightly pats your hip. “Sit down, we’ll fix it for you.”

You open your mouth to protest when Callie takes your hand and guides you to the barstools and scampers back over to Joe who picks her up, holding her with one arm while the other fixes your breakfast for you. He allows her to point and dictate what goes on your plate and how it’s fixed.

And you sit there, allowing yourself to take in this moment. There’s so much you need to navigate and sort through. Bianca, your dad, Mariah, hell, even finally being honest with Joe about your feelings. But, all of that can wait. 

Because all that matters right now are the two people you love most in this world.