#I couldn't even conceptualize of things like that man.

[birdmenmanga]

vege guy is so funny though. when we went to the capital to stay at his mom's place he was like "it's like. it's like a nice place. like. maybe. a little bit... bourgeois... ummm (staring at me with big wet eyes) are you going 2 break up with me..."

[vaguely-concerned]

huh. you know something I just consciously put together for the first time about caterina and lucanis' relationship is that through the game we get to hear them talk about each other a lot, but we get very few chances to hear them speak with each other at any length at all. contrast it with other companions whose storylines have elements of 'believed lost/long time no see relative returns!' like bellara and davrin, where we get to see both of them have several pretty in-depth conversations with cyrian and eldrin. hell I think even rook talks with varric longer in the regret prison scene than we ever get to see lucanis and caterina interact directly.

(and when we do see them interact, it's mostly one-sided -- it is, perhaps unsurprisingly, caterina who is doing most of the talking and giving all the orders, as he ruefully observes is her wont after murder of crows. including jumpscaring him with 'you're first talon now btw' and the shocked pikachu face in five acts he goes through in response lmao. perhaps it's more accurate to say that she talks at him and he reacts, than that they talk to each other much.)

it has such an interesting effect too, because in deliberately denying us direct insight or experience and only having this mosaic of description from each of them to go on, as well as forcing us to pay attention to the negative space of what is carefully not said, it's evocative along the same principle that you never actually show the monster in a horror film. if you've read the wigmaker job you have a clearer image of the more uh. worrying elements at play here going in, but there is something fascinatingly insidious and naturalistic in the way it's 'hushed up' in the game itself. she has his complete loyalty both as a member of her house and, more importantly, that of an abused child to a parent figure. he readily admits several times that she's a difficult person to live with, an even more difficult person to be loved by ("even for me. and I was her favourite")... but never once does he actively blame her nor truly conceptualize that he has every right to do so (that he can be angry with her and still love her, because whether he should or not he unavoidably does), or that she might have acted differently than she did, that she made a choice every time to hurt him. even affectionately he speaks of her as a force of nature, an act of god -- something that can't be reasoned or pleaded with or resisted, something you can only hope to navigate with as little pain as possible and pray to survive. let yourself get carried away by the riptide, resisting it will only make it worse. you don't compromise with a hurricane, you just try to find the best shelter you can and cross your fingers while you wait for it to pass and be calm again.

love is that hurricane. you do whatever she asks. you earn her continued affection day by day by never letting her down. you only want the things she tells you it's okay to want and cut everything else away preemptively. ("A wyvern tooth dagger?? I loved wyverns as a boy --Caterina would never let me have one of these, though." and as we have all wept and gnashed our teeth over, it never even OCCURS to him that he's a like thirty-five year old adult man who can buy himself any dagger he wants at any time. she said he couldn't have one. so he'll never have one. that's just how it works. and maybe if Illario could just accept that and find his peace with it like I have, this whole thing wouldn't be so difficult. oh lucanis.)

such is the price -- and the cost -- of being loved by her, it's a loan on which the interest will never stop piling up. you have to keep paying it down in perfection every day if you want to keep it. who got the worse deal there: the grandson who has abandoned everything else in life to live up to that and mostly succeeded, until the day he's so burned out and broken it threatens to no longer be an option, or the grandson who can never seem to scrape together enough worth in her eyes no matter how he begs, borrows or steals it, how he hustles and plays dirty?

one of the worst things that can happen to anyone is to be loved by a selfish god. another one of the worst things that can ever happen to anyone is to not be loved by a selfish god. (hope that helps, boys!) even in betraying everything else, Illario can't bring himself to hurt his grandmother, because that would defeat the whole point. who would he defiantly be proving himself worthy to, without her. in love, devotion, submission, hatred, frustration, bitterness, everything is defined in relation to her, you can spot the gravitational force of it through how the dellamorte family move through time and space. she -- her love and regard and attention -- is still the sun both of their worlds orbit around, even as adults. the game might never tell you outright 'she used to beat and starve them growing up. for their own good you see, so they'd be strong (and broken down enough for her to build them up again however she wanted but I'm sure that's incidental)', but if you know even a little bit about how these dynamics can work the writing is on the wall everywhere you look and all the more unsettling for it.

follow lucanis' freeze-logic and fraught interpersonal catch 22 irreconcilable mixed emotions problems back far enough, looong before the ossuary entered the picture, and you start to see caterina's ghost around every fucking corner. she is so proud of him. (well, she would be. she made him. she forged exactly the knife she needed and it rests willingly, devotedly, in her hands, it would return to her every time because it doesn't know love as anything but to be a knife. his tama never taught him how to be anything else. his biggest fear with her is that she won't even want him back, the way he is now.) to the best ability of her soul, whatever parts of it survived a lifetime of crow politics and 'five children, eight grandchildren, only Illario and me left now', I think she really does loves him. he certainly loves her, with all the sincerity and artless desperation of a child, of the little boy he was once. and what she's done to him (and to illario, for all his shitty gremlin scar-ass antics lol) is awful. the harm is real, and the love is real, and trying to find a way for these two truths to exist in the same space is driving all three of them their own individualized forms of insane. you know. the way only family can and so often does lol.

through implications and short glimpses and having to put the pieces together yourself, you can have the feeling that there is very genuine mutual love and attachment in this relationship... and that beneath that there is something so profoundly wrong. and the sneaking '...oh shit it gets worse the longer I think about it' horror of that is more effective for me at least than the stark in-your-face presentation of the facts of the matter could have been. the love is here. the love is here. it only ever makes it worse.

[earlycuntsets]

"DEATH COMES RIPPING" - SPOOKY ISSUE

'THE BLACK PARADE, THE TRIUMPHANT NEW ALBUM BY MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE MAY HAVE A TRAGIC STORYLINE, BUT IT'S NOTHING COMPARED WITH WHAT THE BANDMATES ENDURED TO BRING THE DISC TO LIGHT

PHOTOS BY JON WIEDERHORN PHOTOS BY JUSTIN BORUCKI

STANDING ON A BALCONY nine floors above the teeming streets of New York, Gerard Way overlooks the city in which My Chemical Romance began assembling their ambitious new album, The Black Parade. The newly peroxide- blond frontman takes a deep drag from a cigarette and exhales with a sigh. He knows he shouldn't smoke, but it's his only remaining vice.

"If I hadn't been sober, I think The Black Parade surely would have killed me," says Gerard, who climbed on the wagon in 2004. "We were going insane the whole time, and I had to cling to my sobriety to stay even a little lucid. The album became like this beast that was consuming us."

Following up a release as successful as 2004's Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, which sold 1.4 million copies in the U.S. alone, is never an easy task. And the various scares the band experienced as they worked on the new record-drummer Bob Bryar had a near-fatal staph infection, Gerard seriously injured his foot, and some restless spirits at the studio where they recorded kept them all on edge-did not help matters. And neither

did MCR's decision to make The Black Parade (Reprise) a concept disc. Together, Gerard and his bandmates-Bryar, guitarists Frank lero and Ray Toro, and bassist Mikey Way (Gerard's younger brother)-decided to craft a record about a dying young man who is visited by a cast of strange characters that help him examine his short life.

But diving into the conceptual deep end proved well worth the hassle. The Black Parade is not only MCR's most realized offering; it's also one of the most eclectic, enjoyable rock records of the year. One listen to tracks

like "House of Wolves," "The Sharpest Lives," and "Dead!" makes it clear that My Chemical Romance can still rip a good metallic punk tune. But the bandmates are now equally influenced by epic albums like Pink Floyd's The Wall, David Bowie's The Rise & Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars, and Queen's A Night at the Opera.

"A lot of bands from the scene we came from try to strip down their music to 'keep it real," Gerard notes. "But the real you is what you've always had inside you and what you strive to be. So when we started compiling the material we had written, we were like, You know what? This has to be a huge, theatrical record."

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE started working on ideas for The Black Parade in the back of the bus while on 2005's Warped Tour, after which they flew to New York and rented a rehearsal space for two months. And that's when things started to get weird.

"I was living in Queens, and I had to commute on the subway every day," Gerard says. "I was suddenly very scared and paranoid. I felt more like an outsider than I ever had, and I had no confidence, which is bad when you're trying to work on a record. And I had no anonymity because there were a lot of teenagers on the train." In reaction to the young fans he encountered on the underground,

Gerard wrote "Teenagers," a T. Rex-style romp with the chorus line, "Teenagers scare the living shit out of me." "The song came directly from commuting when school let out and being so terrified of them," the singer says. "I was like, Wait a minute. These are the same people that listen to our band. Why am I scared? And I realized it was because they're scared, too. Teenagers are made to feel like they can only solve their problems with violence. They lash out at each other in a really volatile way." After several months experiencing the joys of mass transit, MCR had completed only a handful of songs and felt like a change of scenery (and climate) might do them some good. "I couldn't keep working in New York," says Gerard. "We wanted isolation."

id: Gerard leads the way to what will likely be the band's second platinum record

So the group relocated to Paramour Mansion, outside of L.A. Nestled high in the hills, the deluxe estate overlooks the trendy Silver Lake area and boasts spacious rooms, a gorgeous pool, lush gardens, a state-of-the-art recording facility-and a few special guests.

"The place is definitely haunted," Gerard says. "Doors would slam, and the faucets would turn on. You'd get a bath drawn for you of freezing-cold water in your room, and you wouldn't know why." As unnerving as its mischievous spirits could be, the Paramour was also inspiring, and contributed to the haunting vibe of songs like "The End" and "This Is How I Disappear." More important, it led Gerard to come up with the bleak, surreal concept for the record. "I would have these night terrors, where it would feel like someone was choking me, and my heart would stop and I would stop breathing," he says. "I would wake up in the middle of the night and write these notes to myself, and one of them read, 'We are all just a black parade.' So I started thinking about how this band is kind of a black parade, like a funeral-procession rock thing. And I used that idea to piece together this story about the idea that when you die, death comes for you however you want." Gerard molded his concept into a narrative about a character he dubbed the Patient, whose strongest memory from childhood is of his father taking him to the city to see a parade. Two songs into the album, he dies, and the black parade comes for him.

"During the rest of the story, he meets this entity of death and all these characters, like Mama, who represents anyone who's ever lost their son in a war," Gerard explains. "It's almost like these Canterbury Tales, where he goes along on this journey, and at the end he decides whether he wants to live or die." With the concept in place, My Chem made the songs as sweeping and theatrical as Gerard's lyrics. They accomplished this, in part, by combing through their own eclectic record collections and pulling choice elements that would set them even further apart from other melodic punk bands.

The first two minutes of "Welcome to the Black Parade" stemmed from Gerard's love for Broadway musicals, the horns in "Dead!" came from Mikey's interest in Blur and Britpop, and the jaunty feel of "Mama" was informed by Tom Waits and Nick Cave. But the most poignant moment on the record, "Cancer," was (unlike its morbid moniker) something of a pleasant surprise. "I was very upset about something in my personal life, and that's when that song came out," Gerard says. "It was really spontaneous, and it was recorded pretty much live with Rob [Cavallo, the record's producer] on the piano and me in the vocal booth. Then we added layers of drums, which gave it a certain urgency. It's the song I'm most proud of because it was the most pure emotion we've ever captured, and it gets such an immediate response. You can't shake what the song is about."

As the CD approached completion, some members of the band began to show signs of nervous exhaustion. The group was scheduled to fly to England to play the Reading Festival, and as the date grew near, Toro, who has a fear of flying, got noticeably agitated. Then, after the band tracked "Welcome to the Black Parade," which was originally called "The Five of Us Are Dying," the guitarist lost it.

"I thought I had this premonition," Toro explains. "I was flipping through the TV channels, and on the news. there would be something about a plane crash, and every time I woke up in the morning, the clock would say 9:11. I was playing Tomb Raider the night before the flight, and on the level I ended up at, there was this whole flashback to a plane crash. So right before the flight I was like, 'That's it. I'm not flying."

Despite his misgivings, Toro boarded the plane, and when My Chemical Romance returned to L.A. (all of them still very much alive, thank you very much), The Black Parade was completed without further incident. Listening back to the record, the band members were in awe of what they had achieved and eager to share it with their fans. "There was a real confidence that came to us," Gerard explains. "Having survived it, we felt like we were changed forever. I feel different as a performer now, and I think we really finally discovered who we were as a band." But just because MCR were done with the record didn't mean that it was done with them. About a month later, the band was shooting a video for "Famous Last Words" with director Samuel Bayer (Garbage, Smashing Pumpkins) on a set featuring walls of flame, when-seized by the moment-lero grabbed Gerard's throat from behind and wrestled him to the ground. The singer rolled one way; his foot went the other. "It bent completely backwards, and I heard a crack and felt this agonizing pain," Gerard recalls. "I tore all the ligaments in my foot, but I got up and continued to perform." "I didn't know what I was doing," says lero, shaking his head. "I wasn't trying to hurt him. I felt awful. I still do." Gerard's injury was serious, and he still walks with a cane, but it paled in comparison to what happened to Bryar. At the end of the shoot, the pyro was so intense, the drummer could feel his leg burning, but he stuck it out for the rest of the song. By then, he had a nasty third-degree burn. And the misfortune didn't stop there. Bryar didn't take his antibiotics regularly, and he failed to keep the wound clean. By the time the band got back from a brief tour of Japan, the burn was severely infected. Then Bryar's face swelled up and, after doing the MTV Video Music Awards preshow telecast and a special club show, stumbled into a hospital emergency room in intense pain. "I thought I'd be there for 10 minutes, but as soon as they saw me, they got all serious and gave me an IV and said they had to do a CAT scan," recalls Bryar."They did all these blood tests and kept me there for 14 hours." Doctors discovered that Bryar's leg infection had spread to his blood and caused an abscess in his face that was creeping dangerously close to his brain. If it had been left untreated for another two days, he could have died. "The whole thing was such a nightmare," Bryar says. "This doctor stuck my cheek with a needle about six inches long and the width of an IV tube. Then he went in and out of the inside of my mouth with the needle about 10 times. Fortunately, the treatment worked, and Bryar left the hospital three days later. With tragedy averted, My Chem are now focusing on touring for The Black Parade. They'll be in Europe for most of November, and when they get back at the end of year, they'll start rehearsing for a U.S. arena tour that starts in February. "We want to put on a full show with props and staging like The Wall," Gerard says. And MCR plan to keep the Patient alive long after they're done touring for the CD. "I would love to see the story turned into a play or a musical, and it could easily be a movie," enthuses Gerard. "Making this record, we cut ourselves open every day, pulled out every organ, and lay them on a table so it would be something we're completely happy with. We want The Black Parade to exist for a long time." "The whole hole thing nightmare. This doctor stuck my cheek with a needle about six inches long and the width of an IV tube." -BOB BRYAR

"I felt more like an outsider than I ever had, and I had no confidence, which is bad when you're trying work on a record."

-GERARD WAY

12/2006 revolver - mcrhollywood on flickr

[bigblab-talktotalk1]

I feel a lot of people misunderstand Portia in why she ask about Colin's love

One thing I find really disheartening about reactions/opinions on this episode is the conceptual clap backs of "Did Debling love her?!?!"

🙄😮‍💨

Because that response makes me feel someone is missing something in the storytelling. As a response, it has never made sense to me, because.... he never had to!

'Lord Debling was a reasonable match." This guy has acted in every single way The Gentleman. This guy has money, this guy came to Lady Featherington like a respectable adult and asked for Penelope's hand, this guy will be absent, and so THIS guy also Won't Hurt Her! She laid this out in episode 4, To Portia he is an IDEAL catch.

Then comes this news of Bitch-boy Colin (painting from a Portia-esque perspective), that she read IN WHISTLEDOWN!! He does not hold water with her 🚫 This Season, all she has seen of this dude is that he is a flirt. "The most desired man of the season." Regardless of what she thinks Penelope's feelings likely are, she only sees that Colin is NOT serious about her. Freshly back from galavanting across the sea, she does see Colin as serious PERIOD. All the letters Pen wrote, All the teas at Bridgerton house....for years Portia has watched him NEVER WANTING HER! Yet somehow an engagement occurred some time between her daughter leaving a party and family breakfast the next morning... 🤨🧐 Chat shit right?? Her mind must be screaming: HELP ME UNDERSTAND! (In a snarky, passive aggressive way - because she's the one)

---

Portia has a right to feel awful disrespected that Colin "I'm a gentleman" Bridgerton didn't come to her first. Like they don't have beef!! 😳 He's been engaged to someone from the Featherington household before, yet... there was no wedding. But Pen (who she thinks of is having less attractions than Marina) somehow is different?

You know who extended the olive branch to the Featherington name to help saved them from drowning in the social ruin of the reveal of Marina's pregnancy? DAPHNE! He was mad at Marina sure, but you know who he showed he didn't care what happened to while he turned his back? You Penelope!! 🤷🏻‍♂️He could have helped soften the blow like Kate, Edwina, and Anthony tried to do after their failed wedding. But he didn't. And that's who Pen threw away an entire future to gamble on?? 🫨😣

---

And while Portia doesn't know it yet, the fault for them being in that super precarious social is the SAME EXACT fucking person who is standing in front of her like she don't smell her own shit!! (personal mad when sitting in Portia's perspective)

---

THAT 'S the guy Pen wants Portia to celebrate, who Pen believes is a better choice. Portia's looking for the better. "What more can you ask for?" she says an episode 4. The only thing Penelope seemed to believe held her back from commiting to Debling as her husband is this 'Love' nonsense. So if Colin is the Superior choice, he must be giving her what she thought was missing from a marriage, something she thought Debling couldn't provide!

"You have it?" - Portia.

Penelope says she's SURE he CARES about her. But 'care' wasn't the exceptional parameter? To be so certain that you just threw away a good 90% qualification-meeting gentleman, you must have heard this truth that gives you that 10% to match the fantasy were "LOVE"(which Big P don't believe in) is. Right? You thought, you know, but what did he say it??? Has he told you he's giving you what makes choosing him over Debling worth it? Are you getting what you gambled for?!

Portia looks DEFEATED because Pen is betting on fantasies and wishes, without even the vocalized proof of Colin's feelings!!!!!!

"Oh Penelope"= "Girl I feel bad for you", "you sweet summer child." She's repulsed that Pen was SO short-sighted.

I feel like while her reaction is extreme and harsh, it really isn't too difficult to imagine a semi-reasonable parent (with Portia's trauma) may be distraught hearing that their daughter chose to follow a career in ..... like the Arts, that she loves (Colin), when she already had a place at Yale law School (Debby). Without Colin's declaration it's like she mailed in her withdrawal letter and is packing to move into an artist collective commune -- without a lease! Not even guaranteed a spot, setting fire to your previous life plans! It is not right, and it is not okay to treat your children as if they need to live their life as you would. However, for someone who holds security above all Pen has thrown away her last chance at a good life. Pen has shattered a chance at bedrock that Portia knows Pen don't even understand how much she should value! Portia has shielded her from how it feels to watch the ground you've built your life on crumble from underneath her. The fear of having no husband, no son, and no money. Which I think adds to the anger in her tone.

Debling never NEEDED to love Penelope. Why he was a better, more secure match than Colin was everything BESIDES love. What makes Debling a valuable prospect has a very little overlap with what makes Colin Penelope's first choice. Therefore trying to grade them on the same standard..... it doesn't matter if Portia cares about love, it doesn't matter if Debling would EVER say he loves Penelope. So while it matters if Colin has told her that he loves her, he's the only one who has to.

---

I do not think she is right all the time, or even often. But one can likely tell from the above that I'm a Portia Featherington fan. I'm a fan of food in tummies and shoes on feet. Did she decide she needed big bucks to eat and dress the way she wanted.......👀🙄

---

As someone who looks at Colin as an insecure 23-year-old male... He is my baby. I defend all his big emotions. When he's having a temper-tantrum, I let him kick himself tired. I'm never villainizing him for basically anything he says or does because..... I know he's really a soft boy. And I know Pen doesn't mind. But that doesn't mean we can blame Portia (without having the audience view) for seeing him differently.

[yangsharperavery]

my carmy/sydney related thoughts on season 2

i think when digesting this show, it's done more easily when we see who carmy and sydney are as people and how they bring that beingness to their dynamic.

it's interesting to see the takes from people who are troubled by what they saw in this season in terms of their relationship.

i personally thought there was so much fascinating groundwork that was laid.

we knew when molly gordon was cast they were likely trying to introduce a love interest for carmy.

i was not shocked, i was not surprised. i literally expected it.

doesn't mean i wasn't rolling my eyes but i was well aware of what function she would play within the narrative.

but the writing is so sharp that there are a million subtle elements of carmy's character, and what we know about him up to this point, including what was illuminated by the christmas episode.

let's first talk about carmy's choices and behavior where it relates to claire vs sydney and the restaurant.

we know that carmy is awkward, isn't incredibly relationally experienced and has sacrificed everything for his career and specific level of skill.

he'd just been ruminating on expanding his experiences as expressed in the al-anon meeting.

we know this man is intensely grief-stricken and also that he's battling his own mental health.

we also know he's literally been bred from chaos and emotional tumult.

even him not going to his own brother's funeral makes so much sense after that christmas episode.

he couldn't stand to witness what that type of grief had done to his already deteriorating mother.

so he's trying to conceptualize fun.

notice he wasn't trying to conceptualize love or relationships or a partner.

it was literally presented and integrated as fun.

so he runs into this girl he used to a have a crush on and even then, he's not sold because he knows himself, he knows his priorities, his propensities toward self sabotage, etc so he gives her a wrong number.

yet she persists.

so to me, this may seem like a sign to him to give this a chance, do some exterior exploration of something outside of the kitchen and outside of his career and outside of his own neurosis.

so he's just going with the flow. trying to be "normal". not really knowing the content or context of anything. another reason why he wasn't even calling claire his girlfriend.

claire even brings up the fact that they'd hung out so much but didn't actually talk.

which is SPOT on because the audience only actually ever sees them talking about their careers or what they were like as kids/teenagers.

but you know who carmy DOES talk to? hmm, more on that later.

so claire is symbolic of this thing that was pleasant when he was younger, when he was less of this grown conglomerate of anxiety and disarray and sorrow. a part of him that's separate from all of his current worry and fixations and dysregulation.

him saying he loves her so much and that he thinks she's so great actually rings hollow because we, the audience, didn't actually get to see when and where that level of specific emotion or intensity occurred.

so off rip i don't believe him. i don't think about it in the context of if or when he and sydney explore anything, because it feels patently untrue to me.

and completely separate from sydney.

it's not earned. it's not rooted. it's not tacitly valid.

it's fine. it's a good time. it's some laughs and conversation and sex and a nice, normal person he has fond, nostalgic memories of.

and i think it's written that way on purpose!

so him professing this to other people feels like this way to continue digging a hole of his own distraction, his absence, his lack of attention to detail.

i completely understand the frustration that many feel about interpreting this like carmy was essentially choosing claire over sydney.

carmy was trying to have an unfamiliar and different experience and didn't have the depth perception, the self awareness and the internal regulation to recognize he was doing it to the detriment of something so deeply and irrevocably important to him.

as soon as sydney brought it up, he got defensive but then moments later recognized his errors and apologized.

she told him she didn't want to share his attention.

he told her she was absolutely correct and that she deserved his full focus.

what's fascinating about this part is they aren't even explicitly talking about the restaurant.

she says "me" and "i", he says "you".

uh. wow.

now even in the context of JUST the restaurant this is saying ALOT here.

him instantly apologizing and agreeing with her requests means a substantial amount.

carmy isn't an ass because he stood sydney up for the palate cleanser. or even because he went absent when he shouldn't have.

carmy is deeply troubled and wounded and suffering and he was grappling for something else to feel or do or think about besides what he's ALWAYS thought about and done and fixated on.

that's why he's unreliable, that's why he's haphazard and emotionally or energetically messy. he's coping.

that's why he knows he makes mistakes all the time. because he feels like he's a screwup in a lot of specific ways in his life so he's used to it.

he's not being malicious or cruel or even unkind to sydney.

and this isn't an excuse. it's a reason. it's what all the information we have about him up to this point is providing us.

and yes, his timing is godawful.

but he trusts this person so implicitly because he knows how talented and capable she is.

carmy does not know HOW to be a partner, of any kind. where would he have learned that? where would that have been modeled for him?

"this is what you wanted originally and i'm giving it to you."

so let's transpose the way carmy and claire are presented with how carmy and sydney are together.

he literally can't WAIT to hear what sydney has to say. about literally anything.

at any given time.

"say more please."

all he wants to do is listen to her talk. he wants to know everything about her. the personal stuff too, almost especially.

he listens to her so closely. in the first or second episode she loses her train of thought and he repeats everything she just said.

i don't even think it was restaurant related.

he brings up her mother not once, but twice.

he feels like he should have known that sydney lost her.

he wants to pour into and believe in her because he does. he already does.

he's ready to apologize to her because he knows what a mess he can be and often is.

he knows what his anger can do. he knows how he was conditioned and raised in the industry and he doesn't want that at all for her, least of all from him.

especially after she walked out last season.

he's hyperaware of it. he calms down instantly both times she does the sign for sorry that HE taught her.

he has this propulsion to NEED to know what's happening with her in the very moment something occurs.

he did it last season when she quit on the spot and he kept trying to talk to her when she was leaving.

he did it this season when she was frustrated and trying to say goodnight after carmy was actively telling everyone goodnight and to go home, yet he tried to talk to her when she was leaving.

"what?"

"i'm saying goodnight."

he was repeatedly ushering everyone out but because of the look on her face, carmy's like wait, "what's that about, what's happening?"

he can't stand it!

same with them outside last season when he brought her food and asked what was wrong.

if something is up with her, he reacts immediately.

if she's peeved, he wants to know why right away, he wants to know what to do to make it better, how to approach it, what to say, he goes out in search of that information in the moment it's happening.

sydney is his soft place.

he feels very anchored and tethered to her and i believe she feels the same with him.

sydney is his respite. his peace. the thought of her literally calms and stills him.

her being energetically seats him.

we saw it penetrate his seismic and consistent panic in real time.

that was clearly displayed for all of us to witness.

he doesn't want to be cruel or unkind or anything other than present and communicative with her.

i'd venture to say he actually doesn't want anything more than that, besides maybe the restaurant to succeed.

now sydney is in her "i have something to prove" era.

she is so driven and so determined but she's also a realist and is inundated and surrounded by all this proof that what she's doing may be foolhardy.

at the very least, it's incredibly risky. it's a jump.

and someone deeply ambitious and creative and tuned in and focused like sydney has such fear of failure.

because she knows what it often means for someone like her.

that's why she overextends herself so continuously.

she's often had to and she thinks it gets her closer to the opposite of failure.

she was not only aware of the gaps carmy's absence was leaving but also planning this tasting menu with a MILLION things on it because something was gonna be the star because it MUST.

and i think the carmy absence flares a bit of abandonment as well, like he's left her in a lurch.

she has feelings about that.

she finds out why he did, and TRIES not to have feelings about that.

that's confusing and she's already beyond stressed out so she tries to stuff it.

her success is so tied to her identity because she's worked so hard to get where she is and still feels like she's not where she wants to be.

so she wrestles with worthiness and worry and the financial climate of affability for restaurants. she's riddled with what if she can't hack it?

she has evidence of that being true in the past.

she has evidence of her past failures and those are what keep her up at night, not the infinite possibilities of her future successes.

and that's also why she picked carmy.

because she was always going to pick the best.

she was always going to follow the career and moves of the standout in the industry.

of the person that made the best meal she's ever had.

so if he's anal retentive or jumpy or doesn't call about changing the structural elements of their restaurant while it's happening, she deals with it because she picked him.

she chose him. and then he chose her.

(and then she lightweight chose him again when she came back)

so that's why when they're talking he so often checks in by looking her in the face, scanning her expression. he instantly picks up on something being off or wrong or him being "shitty".

or why when they're under a damn table, despite being peeved or annoyed with his disappearing acts, she lets out the most vulnerable, softest admissions about the perceived necessity of her contribution and future failure.

or why he responds with "i couldn't do it without you" so instantly, so rapidly, it's like it's etched in him. that's the quickest response he'd given to anything she said to him the entire season, she barely got the words fully out before he was verbally soothing her.

then he STAMPS this by saying "i wouldn't WANT to do this without you."

there was such an unexpectedly, viscerally aching quality to that exchange.

it's honestly searing.

i'm sorry are these wedding vows or are we talking about opening a damn restaurant?

or the way he says "you love taking care of people" to her when she talks about making sugar food.

that's also a stellar mirrored moment because i've seen a few people, i believe @eatandsleepwell is one, talk a lot about how that's one of carmy's main drivers and internal tenants.

they see so much of themselves in each other.

the buried parts, the unknown parts, the odd parts.

the parts they wanna work on. the parts they wanna exalt.

they are so similar. they are also quite different.

they have reflected one another in the narrative since s1 ep1.

they exist so flawlessly within the others interstices.

she wordlessly hands him pepto for his stomach.

he tells her he won't let her fail.

the pulsing undercurrent of sydney and carmy is pretty fucking palpable.

there's people on social media who weren't convinced or didn't ship them last season that have suddenly completely seen the vision.

whether the writers actually go there or not remains to be seen.

i don't necessarily trust that they will or won't to be honest because i know there are so many moving pieces and variables and factors.

ships get bypassed and messed up all the time.

i don't watch any shows for ship guarantees but i know how writer's rooms work.

i'd venture to bet that at least 1/3 of that room DOES have an interest in seeing something happen between carmy and sydney, (maybe even 1/2).

or at the very least the option to have it explored.

different people write different episodes, the showrunner/creator can scratch or add whatever.

scripts are TIRELESSLY edited and shortened.

yet there is alot that makes the final cut that points to the potent carmy and sydney marrow.

him giving her the captain reigns before they served for the first time, her saying 'let it rip'.

to me, sydney walked into that failing sandwich shop with a mission that day, they locked eyes and immediately fused.

something happened to the both of them in that moment and they largely don't even realize or can adequately reckon with its magnitude yet.

[onyx-archer]

So... Let's Talk About THAT

I want to start this by saying that I haven't purchased Double Exposure, and I have no plans on doing so because of what this post is about. I know very little about the game, but I do know about the Chloe stuff. That was the one thing I wanted to know about going into the game before I committed to a purchase. Not specifically because of a ship or whatever (though that's certainly a factor), but how they go about justifying Chloe not being in the Double Exposure.

I say that because I knew, based on the marketing for the game being as cagey as it is in regards to Chloe. I knew there'd be some kind of justification to not have her around, because how else are they going to make the game's story work with both endings being "respected." And that's the key word here: respect.

Normally, I'd at least abide by my spoiler policy, where I would mark spoilers for stuff that's super new for like, a month. However, because of what this entails, I really can't be nice enough to do that, as everything I've seen has genuinely made me go "how is this 'respecting' the player's choice from LiS1?!"

Under the cut, there will be spoilers for Life Is Strange as a series. As I write this sentence, I don't know how much I'll go into it, so be warned. I know Double Exposure isn't even fully out, but man, I have a lot to say about this ONE THING in it that has me annoyed to no end.

So... in Double Exposure, the one thing a lot of fans of the first game were wondering was "why is Chloe not in the game?" Some were hopeful that she would be, but realistically, there was no way that was possible without the game's budget being higher. At best, we'd get some new voice lines, but that's about it. Why? Because Deck Nine wanted to "respect" the ending of LiS1 for the players who chose the "Bay" ending. Chloe, in case y'all forgot, fucking DIES in that ending, so she'd, at best, get a cameo appearance in the game where Max returns unless it was decided that the game was set in a timeline where Chloe survived.

It is very clear to me from the jump that unless they made that choice, they'd not have Chloe be around. It was likely that they'd make it so the pair broke up in some capacity (be it as friends or lovers, it didn't really matter), and as much as I didn't want that aspect to be true, it ended up actually being the case. As a fan of Pricefield, this sucks, but as a person who understood from the start that the game would have to find a way to dodge the issue of Chloe in some capacity to tell the story Deck Nine wanted to tell, I could accept it. So long as the way they did so was respectful to the original vision of the characters in some capacity.

And because I'm writing this post at all, it's pretty obvious that isn't what happened.

I want to be perfectly clear when I say that the break up, conceptually, makes sense as a mechanism for a story about Max. In my mind, it would make sense that Max and Chloe's relationship would have some bumps caused by the sheer amount of trauma Max endured during the tail end of LiS1. Finding out that a person you looked up to (Jefferson) was a total psycho who was obsessed with you and likely would have tried something worse than just taking gross pictures of you would leave a person pretty fucking messed up for years. Add onto that the fact that she basically had to do the trolly problem in real life, with the choices being her hometown and it's entire population... or a person she loves so much she couldn't imagine living without them (be it as a friend, or as more than that)... and you'd probably have a therapy bill the size of the Olympus Mons before you started feeling "relatively normal" again.

In a world where the people who were writing the game were better at their jobs, at least in this capacity, they'd look at that, and see how it'd affect a relationship. Max being unable to properly move on, with the only person she can reliably talk to about it being someone she very much wouldn't want to trauma dump on (since you can't exactly tell a shrink that you had time travelled so much that you caused a titanic sized waterspout to level an entire costal town without getting institutionalized), given that said person is likely grappling with a lot of shit themselves (survivor's guilt, for one)... yeah a break up of some kind, even if only a temporary one, is kind of inevitable. Time apart might be something you both need to properly heal.

This would also allow the story to at least try to deal with Max's trauma in a way that is comparable in scope based on both decisions, and it would make sense. If Max were the one to break off the relationship, citing a need to have some time apart to get her head on straight (metaphorically speaking, we all know she ain't straight), it'd make sense that said choice could blow up in her face and leave her a bit emotionally frazzled. Chloe is a person who very obvious abandonment issues, so a decision like that from Max, even if it was only for a while, would likely lead to a much more stressful situation, regardless of how close they are.

This, in turn, would allow the "Bay" ending to be about Max not being able to get over her choice to functionally kill her own best friend, and all of the things she never got to say. The grief being something she struggles with for a decade (or however long it is between LiS1 and DE) would make sense. It'd be in character. Max is a character who is indecisive, and is prone to fussing over mistakes she feels she makes, especially with Chloe. She buries those kinds of feelings in a box until she's forced to confront them. Then she tries to over compensate for her shortcomings. We know she does this because she immediately jumps to help Chloe look for Rachel at the first real chance she gets as a way for her to at least sort of make up for the 5 years of basically no contact. Yeah, there are other reasons she does this, but it can be pretty easily inferred that Max, since Max's whole power allows her to go back in time, which is, in theory, the ultimate way to fix your past mistakes.

I'd be fine if the breakup was purely Max running from a problem she doesn't want to properly deal with. With her being reminded of her choice that killed hundreds of people for one person, even if that person means everything to her. Some people crumple under less, and Max is very much an insecure person, so she'd crumple like a wet napkin eventually.

They could have very easily made a core part of the game Max learning to let go of that part of her past, to finally make peace with her choice. You could even have it be a case where her powers leave her for good, with some kind of, I dunno, storm of butterflies (which I feel could very easily serve as a symbol of Max connection to Chloe, and not as just a symbol for Chloe exclusively). Regardless of the Bae or Bay choice, having her powers literally fly away would also be a way of saying that she's finally "grown up," and that her burdens have been eased, with them flying away with her powers. The guilt? Yeah, there'd always be a little, that shit never goes away, but she'd no longer wallow in it. The trauma? She'd be able to accept it as a thing that happened, and move on in a more healthy way.

If Chloe and her were a couple, maybe she'd end the game with a phone call, reaching out to Chloe in an effort to repair their relationship, to say that she's "done living in the past." She could literally say something like "I'm done rewinding, I'm just going to look to the future, and leave the past where it is." We'd probably all cheer at that kind of sappy bullshit. It'd be sapphic as hell, and it'd be awesome.

But no. That's too nice a thought. Deck Nine had other plans.

In the game, as it is now, there is a distinct problem with the breakup working, and that's the way it happens. In Double Exposure (at least up to Episode 2, as that's all that's currently available), the game is quick to brush aside the idea that Max and Chloe were ever really a thing, and wants the player to go right into being interested in having Max romance the New characters that Deck Nine made for the game! Why'd they break up? Because Chloe is afraid that Max is using her rewind powers (which she supposedly hasn't since Blackwell), and that, because of those powers, she's always going to be living in the past. That she, Chloe fucking Price, just wants to be a free spirit and live for the future, and that, "as much as it hurts," that might be a future without Max in it.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

Chloe Price, the bony sack of trauma, cigarette smoke, and well documented abandonment issues, is the one breaking off a relationship? Are you serious? You gotta be fucking with me Deck Nine! You wrote a whole ass game about this character, and my opinion of that game aside (I think Before the Storm is dogshit btw), you still miss one of the core aspects of Chloe's whole character? How do you miss the point by this much?

And then... a self-proclaimed former staff member at Deck Nine spoke up on Reddit... said some stuff, and it all started to make sense.

See, Deck Nine has, at least somewhat recently, come under fire for their dogshit working conditions. There were several articles showcasing how toxic that place was to work for a number of reasons by several publications. The writing was on the wall, but a lot of people, myself included, tried to not see it, and just be hopeful for a new LiS game. While I really don't like BtS, I very much enjoyed True Colors, so I was at least a little optimistic.

However, if that supposed former employee is to be believed in any capacity (we can at least say they likely are a former employee, as another former employee basically called them out on Twitter for trying to start a hate brigade... even though they didn't), then Double Exposure was doomed from the start. The creative leads on the project, allegedly, HATE Chloe, and would shoot down ideas that would be more respectful of her in All Hands On Deck (Nine) meetings, even though they asked for ideas due to how they wrote themselves into a bloody corner whilst working on the game the way they did.

Then there's the fact that supposedly some people at the publisher dislike Chloe because they feel that Ashly Burch shit on Before the Storm post-launch (which she didn't, btw), despite her working on a game that replaced her voice with another actress due to a strike. They hired a "scab" to voice the characters, and that might have upset Ashly, a union member. Fair enough. But apparently some people didn't like Rhianna DeVries, which the publisher heard, and said "don't bring her back for any big appearances" or something? So they aren't going to recast again, they aren't going to bring back Ashly for petty reasons, and they aren't going to even bring Rhianna back again (she had a small voice role in True Color's Wavelengths DLC), even though most people are fine with her? Hell, I think she's a damn highlight in the cast for BtS, and I hate that game.

Then I got to thinking: is there evidence that Deck Nine hates Chloe, despite working on Before the Storm? Short answer: I think so, yeah. Long answer? Well...

One thing that is notable about Before the Storm, at least from my perspective, is that said game did a pretty middling job with characters that were introduced in the original game, despite being a prequel. Nathan is nothing like how he is in LiS1, nor is David. Rachel doesn't even remotely come off as the kind of character that people would talk about the way they do in LiS1 after she goes missing (what with her being a big Laura Palmer parallel and all). Fuck, they made Victoria willing to roofie someone to get ahead, which a lot of people called out as tone deaf as hell given what happens to her in LiS1.

But in that same breath, the game introduces a handful of new, Deck Nine original characters, and that's clearly where the effort was. Some were better than others, of course, Samantha was largely pointless and amounted to nothing, Rachel's Parents are just not well written, and Damon is such a bland attempt at a villain... Don't even get me started on the Elliot Rogers looking ass character that shares a first name with that whackjob.

But you wanna know who Deck Nine really likes? Steph Gingrich. And you know what, so do I. I like Steph a lot. She's like, the best thing to come out of that game. But when you pull back and analyze who Steph is, something notable stands out: she's basically Deck Nine's take on "what if Chloe wasn't a bitchy bitch?"

Think about it: Steph is a queer girl wearing a beanie (Chloe's basic aesthetic), enjoys nerdy stuff and Blade Runner (Chloe, even before joining their D&D sessions, was a closet weeb back before she lost her dad), is into punk rock (so much so that she forms a punk band, Drugstore Makeup, with a former girlfriend), likes to smoke weed (to be fair, a lot of characters in LiS do), and even gets a healthy dose of trauma from the storm killing her own mom, or losing two very close friends, one of which is the same person Chloe lost (this is more a Max parallel, but you get it). She even has a pretty distinct "voice" in how she talks that most people can pick out of a crowd pretty easily (which, to be fair, isn't hard, since True Colors has a very muted cast in this respect). Hell, she can even romantically end up with a bisexual with super powers! She's literally just "what if Chloe was more of a nerd and less of an asshole."

This isn't to shit on Steph at all, again, I love Steph, she's great. I'm not even mad about the obvious parallels between her and Chloe. They were friends, of course aspects of them are going to be similar. But when you take those things into consideration when reading that Deck Nine supposedly hates Chloe... and you see how hard the series has pushed Steph (Steph has her own DLC story, a full ass novel about stuff she did between her two appearances, and a comic where she and Alex act as the cool lesbian surrogate parents to a runaway girl with powers), you can sort of pick up on some subliminal parallels. It's hard not to when Deck Nine has a clear bias for a character they made, and how they dislike a character they didn't, despite the overlap.

I could just be reaching, but when I put the pieces in front of me in the context of "Deck Nine hates Chloe" it just adds up. It's kind of hard not to think Deck Nine does hate Chloe, given that before we even find out the specifics of the break up, they have Safi ask Max if she's interested in the new female love interest the devs cooked up immediately after Max tries to basically shut down the conversation about why she and Chloe broke up. Even in the context of Chloe dying, it's clear what they're doing here, and it's not even remotely subtle.

Even if a lot of this is just bullshit, it's clear that Deck Nine had no real intention of "respecting" anything. Why? Because Double Exposure very clearly wants to operate under the pretense that you chose to Sacrifice Chloe. It's the only way the game really works in anyway that's even remotely "respectful" to any fans. The fact that they rejected the premise of DE being set in a timeline where Chloe was definitively DEAD, even though members of the team suggested that should be how they approached this game's story, says that they had no real intention of respecting the integrity of the choice LiS1 players made. Regardless of the reasons why they did this, respect is NOT one of those reasons. They had a story they wanted to tell, but forced themselves to try and fit the square peg into the round hole.

This game already decided to not respect the original creators at Don't Nod by having it be about Max, when they said Max and Chloe's stories were "done." I get it, that's a decision they likely didn't make themselves... but they could have at least tried harder to respect the characters they were given to make a story about a little more.

For all I know, the remaining 3 Episodes of Double Exposure may allow the player to have Max and Chloe reconcile at the end if you don't romance any of the new characters. Maybe that's an ending, and I'm mad for basically just bad writing... but I nevertheless won't be supporting this game with my money as things currently stand.

[love-takes-work]

Here we are in the future (merch) and it's WRONG

Hot Topic has been kinda killin' it with neat new designs on SU merch, which to me is pretty special considering how long the show has been off the air and how much I like to get new merch. :X However, the last time I was browsing their site, I decided against getting one of the designs because it's this:

Huh? "Ladies love a hero"? Where the heck did THAT come from?

It's certainly never said in the show, and it's not a sentiment that's presented by any characters, nor is it intended as a message by its creators. Not to mention that the Gems pictured technically aren't even "ladies." Who got the weird idea that "ladies love a hero" would be an appropriate thing to associate with Steven Universe?

I ended up buying a coffee mug with a bunch of SU artifacts and was dismayed to find the "ladies love a hero" phrase had somehow made it onto the otherwise canon-referential mug.

(The side I saw when I decided to get it was this:)

When it came in I showed it to my friend and asked him to find the thing on it that was "wrong." IMMEDIATELY he was like "Ladies love a hero? WHAT?"

Just kinda makes me think that instead of being designed by anyone with a passing familiarity with the show, it was thrown together by someone who thought it would look good. Who decided this?

But speaking of which, then today I saw this one:

Okay. So, seeing merch with random shit from the show splashed all over it is common with knockoffs and lazy ripoff artists, but seeing something like this in a mainstream store is puzzling. It's a somewhat confusing graphic with no message, but it's like . . .

Okay, Steven, Spinel, and Connie from the movie, versus. . . .

Amethyst with her Season 2 design, versus. . . .

Random image of Stevonnie from a single scene in a late Season 5 episode, versus. . . .

Random Greg, random Pink Diamond, versus. . . .

Garnet in what appears to be an attempt at her post-"Jailbreak"/pre-"Change Your Mind" outfit, but it's miscolored, and. . . .

Completely missing Pearl, one of the major main characters. Who puts Pink Diamond, Greg, Connie, Spinel, and Stevonnie on a shirt but forgets Pearl?

It's just kind of a mess, conceptually. A bunch of pretty pictures, several of which are stock art and a couple of which I've basically never seen on anything (so why these, why now?).

It's not uncommon for images featuring the four main characters to have character designs that couldn't have coexisted, but that doesn't bother me as much as something that just feels like it was an out-of-touch designer's google search result for Steven Universe characters.

Man, I need to be a merch consultant for this show or something. I am not much of an artist and am not a designer, but like . . . if they'd just asked ONE fan. . . .

[tarnishedinquirer]

The Throne of Godfrey

While Gostock vented his spleen on Godrick's corpse, I continued into the hall. The seat of the Golden Lineage's faded power. Here, I took a moment to reflect on what I had gained from the death of a demigod. It felt weird that I didn't feel that different, even though I was carrying conceptual items of such great power now.

Godrick's Greatrune The Great Rune of the shardbearer Godrick, devoid of any benediction. Seek the Divine Tower of Limgrave, which stands beyond the great bridge from Stormveil Castle.

Ah. Figures I'd have to do something else first. At least I can get there pretty quick now, rather than having to fight a giant lion.

Then there was his Remembrance

Remembrance of Godrick, the Grafted, hewn into the Erdtree. The power of its namesake can be unlocked by the Finger Reader. Alternatively, it can be used to gain a bounty of runes. A feeble man sought power through the grotesque act of grafting. "One day we'll return together, to our home, bathed in rays of gold."

So it seems like a remembrance is a large collection of runes that have imprinted on someone of great power. Not quite a soul, but near enough. I'll have to see what the Finger Reader can do for me with this.

That taken care of, I took a look around. The throne itself was massive. Out of curiosity I tried to sit in it and I felt like a child sitting in an adult's chair. Godrick was certainly of that size post-grafting, but originally he was probably a little smaller than me. This must be Godfrey's throne, then. He certainly looked massive enough in his painting.

The room was encircled by statues. Most of them the bald monk statues with their unflowered staves, but directly behind the throne was a statue of Godfrey himself. He looked younger and thinner than in his other depiction, and his axe was not broken. This must've been Godfrey as a young conqueror. He hadn't yet gained the decades, if not centuries, of layered bulk that only an aged warrior has. I could see this statue residing in the Church of Pilgrimage, and mae ybe anywhere else with a Radagon statue now.

However, behind him was something else. A bas-relief of a great lion. I'd seen that lion on his back in the feasting hall, but this looked different. It was out of scale and wasn't even really on his back, just behind him. The weathering was different, maybe even the material was different. They weren't even looking the same direction, and the lion's claws weren't on his shoulders, they were resting on the ground.

The bas-relief was here first.

The same thing was obvious with the monk statues. They were of an even more recent make and a much paler material. The bas-relief behind them was a repeating pattern of women holding shields. An order of shield maidens protecting their lord? But if their lord was not Godfrey, then who?

At the top of the alcove, there was a relief depicting some sort of ceremony involving women with pitchers. On the left, a woman hides behind a column, while another sulks and is comforted by a bearded man. However, the column she leans against warps strangely. Like there's something underneath it that caused difficulty for the sculptor. Indeed, some of the newer concrete has chipped off at the bottom, but even with the tip of my sword, I couldn't get it to chip any more. This is not the original art, but it's now impossible to see what's underneath.

I had to imagine this place in its heyday. Petitioners would line up outside, maybe even through the whole castle. They'd have to approach past graves... surely, those of his enemies. A dire warning to anyone who would cross the Lord of Gold. It was not a large room...maybe a handful of petitioners at most. Hell, maybe only one at a time. Godfrey would be sitting on the throne, with a statue of himself behind him. Sure, there would be guards and courtiers in the side chambers, but you'd basically be alone with a man whose power can break worlds. Think carefully before you ask him a boon.

One thing stuck out to me...

...where was Marika?

If Godfrey was her Lord Consort, then would she not be reigning with him? Yes, I know the capital is in Altus, but there should at least be space for a chair. And even if this was his personal castle, then there should be signs of her presence, given how much she outranked him. A statue or something.

Mentally, I peeled back the layers. I removed the monk statues first. Then, the plaster. I couldn't tell what was underneath, so I didn't focus on that. A vague outline and the alcove looked fine.

This was how Godfrey's chamber looked in the past. Almost seemed more tasteful, with the focus on him instead of... whoever was in the statues.

Hmm.... could the statues in some way represent Marika? They were androgynous, but they looked so withered and aged. Perhaps Marika pre-ascension to godhood?

I peeled back the next layer. Gone was the statue of Godfrey. Gone was the throne? It seemed so. What, then, would have been the center of the chamber?

Of course. A heraldic beast. Lion, wolf, or something else? Impossible to say without moving the throne. It resembles the crest on Godrick's axe. But if this beast was meant to be shown, then who could have reigned here? Surely any king would need a throne.

I turned my attention to the ark at the back of the chamber. It did not seem to open, but perhaps...

A crowned lion. The thing was decorated with crowned lions.

I stepped back and pictured it. Entering the chamber to entreat the lord of the castle. On the floor, at the center of the room, is a heraldic lion. Behind the lord is a lion. The dais in the back of the room is decorated with lions. And upon the dais is...

Could it be?

Yes. It's the only thing that makes sense if you think about it. If the symbol on the floor is supposed to be seen, there can't be a throne. A human would need a seat. But a beast can just perch on a rock if it has to, or, more likely, the dais at the back of the room.

Before Marika. Before Godfrey. Served by stormhawks, there was a literal king among beasts.

The original lord of this castle was a lion.

Is a remembrance just a collection of runes, or a soul? is there a difference?

What will happen when I activate the rune?

Is the bald monk Marika, in an earlier form?

Did Godfrey literally wear the former lord of this castle on his back?

Could a lion really have ruled this castle?

[nattaphum]

Man Suang press conference [08/08/2023] - part 2

- FOCUS ON: CRITICISM, MISTAKES AND ANTIS -

Criticism and mistakes

Pond: Running a business as a family, I now understand, doesn't always work as intended. Many fans had warned me about this, and even though I do things with love, I have to admit that it led to pain. I couldn't manage everything and take care of the matters properly. Looking back, I realize I shouldn't have been so public about it. I'm someone who always strives to move forward, but after that phase, I acknowledge that I've gained valuable lessons from it. I recognize what I missed, and I embrace that.

One thing I am certain I didn't go wrong with is sincerely loving everyone during that time. I made efforts to shield everyone to the best of my abilities. Now i know that each individual needs to evolve in their unique way.

Pain was experienced by everyone due to that situation, and I've grown from it. I'm prepared to carry on in this industry, having grown in professionalism.

The love within my family remains strong, but i have to choose carefully who to love and manage it well. I still hold the mindset of familial love, but when it comes to business, I intend to operate more professionally.

As for the fans, I deeply apologize for not looking after them as well as I should have. My responsibilities include not only conceptualization but also production and numerous other aspects. This operational aspect has hindered our success and left fans disappointed. We are actively striving to enhance our performance and make improvements and trying to change. Thanks to that problem, that make us improve into the future.

We are grateful for the fans and own them. We must treat them better.

On negative comments

Mile: I don’t care about those. I don’t focus on negative things. Like if a mosquito bites, i don’t slap it. Just let it go and go do something else.

Apo: but i saw that you slapped it *laughs* (lmao apoo)

___

Q: we heard you got death threats.

Apo: in my veiw, i have already lived fully worthy. so com'on, i'm not afraid

Mile: *panicks* ahsjsjk

——

Apo: We want fans to believe in what we believe, on the way we walk, the happiness that we've sent. I can tell that we don't feel anything at all about those negative comments. We don't even care. Then we really move forward in order to send happiness to everyone, to every place we’ve gone.

Q: don’t you feel sensitive?

Apo: *shakes head*

Q: that's good. Better focus on the result of work.

Apo : yes *nods his head*

——

Apo: “Love yourselves a lot. We will take good care of ourselves.” ❤️

Translations by urmysuninnightt, sugarcheenee and jaei524

[Mileapo’s cut with eng subs here]

[the-red-thread-that-strangles]

IV.

Akai Shuichi: Did you elope. [03:45 a.m.]

What Shuichi really needs is to lay this mystery his mother so graciously imposed on him to rest. The sooner, the better. So here he is, reaching out in the vague hope that just maybe this meeting wasn't actually about him. It's possible, after all, that one of his siblings did something to upset their mother, and she ended up giving all of them an earful. Letting her dismay be known, as is her speciality.

In that scenario, the most likely culprit is his lovesick little brother. He, after all, does have a partner he's even engaged to, and from what Shuichi has seen from Shukichi's fiancée, she might be prone to rash actions while under the influence.

It does not make too much sense, not really; Shukichi has always been the sibling most aware of social sensibilities, the one with the easiest time dealing with their mother. But at this point, Shuichi's grasping at straws.

Because it can't have been about him, judging by his mother's surprise.

Haneda Shukichi: Without telling the best man? Hardly. [03:47 a.m.]

And just like that, he's back to square one.

.

Shuichi might not have the best relationship with his mother, but he knows for a fact that she's not the type for arbitrary courtesy calls. She's all business, all the time. It's a miracle Masumi has a sense of humour at all, and he's yet to be convinced that's not entirely thanks to Shukichi's influence.

Therefore, Mary must have gotten it into her head somehow that there is someone in his life he has purposefully kept from meeting her. Not that she is wrong, conceptually - if he did have a partner, he'd spare them the headache that is dealing with Akai Mary.

The thing is, there is no one like that in his life. Shouldn't be, can't be. Not again. He's learned his lesson.

.

If in doubt, break down what you know about the case, and extrapolate from there.

Considering his mother only just now came out of hiding, he feels reasonably safe in the assumption that she did not make the relevant observation herself. Instead, it seems more likely his darling sister said something that ticked her off - enough that she figured she needed to confront him about it. Therefore, he needs to analyse possible partners in his surroundings, with a focus on those that Masumi knows. As an extension to the parameters, his family is aware of his cover as Okiya Subaru, whose contacts must also be examined. This has cost him enough time. He will get to the bottom of it, now.

.

For anyone who knows their history, Jodie would be an obvious candidate. Not that he still loves her, can't say that he has in years, at least not romantically.

He's been told he's supposed to feel guilty about what he did to her, but he can't help comparing this slight to some of the things he's done while undercover. He always comes away thinking at least she's still alive. At the time, he gave her the best he could: the truth. It might not have been pleasant, but it's certainly better than the lies and secrets he's buried under, these days.

She has, since his return to the US, made it abundantly clear, on several occasions, that the way he broke up with her was 'tactless, heartless and cruel, even for you, Shuu' and 'you better be eternally grateful Camel and I agreed to still work with you.' And to be clear, he is. They make for a decent team. Time and again they've proven they'll have his back. Sure, they have their weaknesses, but so does he, and in the end, they pick up each other's slack. It's good enough.

The irony of learning to appreciate a good team from a criminal syndicate is not lost on Shuichi - even if technically he learned it from two PSB agents. He's definitely not still sulking because he couldn't get Scotch on their team as some sort of remote consultant; the bureau was adamant, and probably right: He can't be in witness protection and working for the FBI. The less connection he has to this case, the better. Still, some days, he finds himself missing Scotch's level head and Bourbon's ingenuity.

Getting sidetracked. Focus.

He's been careful not to mix his Okiya identity and the FBI. That knocks out Jodie - and Kir, for completion's sake. Masumi doesn't know them, and if he has his way, she won't for a good long while. Their work is far too dangerous to get her involved. Plus, letting her meet Jodie would give both of them too much blackmail material.

Hm. Who does Masumi know, actually?

There's her classmates, Mouri Ran and Suzuki Sonoko, who came by the Kudo manor for a while to help him clean it up. While the latter seems a bit taken by Okiya Subaru, both of them are half his age and he really hopes he has been nothing but the perfect gentleman to them. Even if they weren't, though, theirs is a mess he would really rather not deal with. He's got to assume Masumi is more aware of the specifics of their love lives. He can only hope that, aside from the occassional meddling on Conan's behalf, he would prefer literally anything else over being involved with teen romance.

Hm. While on the subject of the Kudo mansion, Kudo Yukiko has been around to help with his disguise and learning to cook (though Furuya and Haibara have assessed that it is barely edible, so he has a long way to go still). She's a known fan of the Scarlet Agent, and surely it's not difficult for Masumi to figure out that movie is based on his life. Still, the girls haven't been around since the Kudos have officially returned, so it's seems rather unlikely Masumi would be aware of their relationship.

He's not going to think about his little cousin as an option. Masumi is smarter than that.

At this point he's really reaching. There's a couple of undergrad engineering students who have requested private tutoring the few times he's been at uni, some in desperation, some in obvious flirtation. He's denied them all. His engineering degree might not just be for show, but he really can't involve civilians in his business. Besides, Masumi hasn't followed him to university. As far as he can tell, at least.

If he's going into barely acquaintance territory, Furuya asked him once or twice to meet in the vicinity of café Poirot, too injured to stray far. He'd been complaining about Masumi giving him odd looks and stalking him, so she might have been watching them run into Enomoto Azusa. That had been a stilted conversation, even for him. Furuya's coworker had been a stark reminder of happiness that could have been, in a different life. Thankfully, perfectly diplomatic Amuro had cut the conversation short, insisting they had places to be.

And with that, he's reached the end of the list of women in his life. Some of them he'd even consider friends, but none of them particularly warrant the term partner, not even professionally. He hasn't had one since Scotch. Jodie could count, maybe, but the term implies a pair and he's been working in that team for so long that in this case Camel would also have to be considered- wait.

His mother is not the kind of person to use cutesy monickers like 'girlfriend', so he figured 'partner' was a professional catch-all. A work partner wouldn't warrant a reaction like that.

It's a little obvious, in hindsight.

Rei who came by with coffee when the girls were baking in the Kudo mansion.

Rei who complained about Masumi following him.

Rei who has been wearing the family sweater.

Oh.

.

Okay, so. Shuichi can see how Masumi arrived at her conclusion, however wrong it might be. For people like them, the fact they're meeting at all is probably the biggest indicator. They've shaken her tail off pretty consistently, so she wouldn't know they don't actually spend that much time together. And that Furuya is rather insistent on the fact that he's a reluctant ally. Not a friend. He still throws a fit whenever he realizes he's done anything exceeding the minimum amount of cooperation (there's a lot of fits).

The headache is back with a vengeance.

He should have listened to Furuya's concerns, intervened before. But he was kind of supposed to be dead.

Shuichi needs to have a talk with his sister.

.

Like Shukichi had promised, no one in their right mind wants to watch the early afternoon screening of Poultrygeist Two - The Plot Chickens. It's a good thing then that 'in their right mind' describes neither Masumi, who is somehow weirdly invested in trashy horror flicks, nor Okiya Subaru, newly minted horror movie connoisseur, as of two days ago. They reconvene inside.

"A pleasant surprise to meet you here, Subaru!" She smiles cheekily at him, grins.

"Miss Sera, was it?" He nods, and ignores her for the moment, turning to watch the screen. In his pocket, he flicks a portable signal jammer on. Nobody is supposed to know who they are and that they are here, but they can never be too careful.

Okiya Subaru continues staring at the screen until the movie starts, in an eruption of gore, splatter and the violent clucking of chickens. It's way too loud. Perfect cover.

"You two have to stop bothering Amuro." It seems wrong to call him that, but it would be even worse to give away Furuya's identity. Shuichi loves his sister, but she already knows too much and really isn't careful enough about it. Furuya must not be exposed, especially not at this critical junction.

"Oh? You want him all to yourself?" Masumi grins, devious. A reckless proposition, if he's ever heard one. Nobody could contain Furuya Rei.

"It's not like that." He shakes his head, trying to get the message across. "You don't want to get on his bad side." An annoyed Furuya is a vicious Furuya, Shuichi could provide extensive testimony to that effect in court. If she doesn't stop, he'll find a way to force her to. And Shuichi isn't sure he would oppose Masumi leaving the picture until the BO is dealt with.

Masumi's eyes narrow, pensive. She's got good instincts, possibly better than his own. Surely she must've noticed Amuro's dazzling smile sugar-coating what usually amounts to orders you shouldn't refuse. The way steel slips into his eyes when he's on a case, how he doesn't stop until he has his answers. The skills that do not fit in with a waiter-slash-detective.

"If he's that dangerous, why do you keep him around?"

A good question, if he's being honest. But in the end his perspective doesn't really matter. Rei leaves him little choice. If he didn't love his Japan so much, he would've followed Shuichi to the end of the world, and probably beyond, already. Now that he's back, there's no chance he could escape for long.

"Work."

Judging by his sister's raised eyebrow, she doesn't seem to believe him.

"Uh-huh. And that's why you gave him your sweater?"

Not her too with that inane piece of clothing. Why does it always circle back to that?

"As I said, it's not like that. He needed it. He's just not managed to give it back." Which, considering Furuya's general tendency for payback in a timely manner, probably means Shuichi won't. It's been months. That's fine. It's not like he is attached to it. And it suits Furuya.

It doesn't look like Masumi is convinced.

"Look." He's just a little bit exasperated. "You followed him to find me, right? You did, well done. Now stay away from him." She's better off far away from Furuya. To be completely honest, she probably should stay away from the both of them, tainted as they are. But she's family, and he can't quite begrudge her reaching out. He tried the same, after all.

She frowns at him, scans him and then, slowly, a grin spreads over her face.

"Alright, if it's that important to you", she agrees pleasantly, and he's about to breathe a sigh of relief when she adds, "on one condition."

"Name it."

"It's my birthday in a month. You're celebrating with us."

It's not a terrible trade-off, but Shuichi has a gut feeling he'll regret having said yes when all is said and done.

They end up actually watching the rest of the movie, and it's frankly kind of nice to spend some quality time roasting a shitty movie with his little sister.

Case closed. Finally.

.

As he sits awake that night, running surveillance from the sniper's nest in the Kudo attic, he wonders how things got to this point.

For years now he's carefully kept his distance to Furuya in order to not get caught in the blast radius when he inevitably explodes and takes as much as possible down with him.

Because somehow, Rei has never gotten the memo to distance himself from the job. A bleeding heart like him that cares too much, too quickly, and lets his emotions dictate his actions is a terrible choice for an undercover agent. He should be dead three times over in a criminal organisation, and yet. And yet.

Shuichi knows, first-hand, the determination it takes to carry on, despite all their work takes from them. What he buried to keep going might possibly, one day, be recovered. But Rei? He immolates himself for the country he loves so dearly. So the world can be brighter, the people safer. In the end, all that will remain of him is a burnt-out shell, nothing but ashes left in his wake. How much further can he go, until he runs out of fuel?

In the years they've known each other now, things have never been easy between them, but Shuichi's never been the one to wish him harm. It was Bourbon who wanted Rye dead, saw him as a threat. Then Amuro Tooru wanted Akai alive, the last thread connecting to Scotch. Shuichi is not quite sure what Furuya Rei wants with him, now.

To be kept so close he's mistaken as Rei's partner is foolish. And a privilege he'd never thought possible.

He's standing side by side with a dying star, and all he wants is to watch it burn a little longer.

.

Sweater weather AU masterpost

[kwillow]

What traits do the people in theos choosen few have?

Ngl theo definitely seems like he'd be the kind of guy to enjoy quietly spending time with someone where you're both in the same room but doing different things, but like no talking, no contact, just in each other's presence

I'm answering this one a bit out of the context of Amaranthine specifically because it got me thinking about all the various people Theo's gotten close to in all his incarnations as a character over the past too-many years. Not all of these characters are in his "current" story, but the through-line of his desired traits in a "chosen one" are there nonetheless. He's developed a diverse set of friends that don't have too much in common at first blush. But there are a few commonalities!

As established, Theo is extremely paranoid and has been burned by people many times before, which is one of his many barriers to getting close to others. A person often needs to have a quality that makes them feel more "safe" to him in order for him to stop seeing them as a potential enemy. Most often, this trait is "innocence" or "naïveté," or put in another sense, being so stupid Theo can't possibly imagine them trying to betray him. In one AU (Fallout), he developed weird friendships with three people (Jack, Frank and Dwight) because he thought they were all incredibly dumb and utterly clueless and therefore anything kind they did for him was probably genuine. In another roleplay I did with him, he very quickly developed a bond (and very one-sided infatuation) with a blind woman. She literally couldn't judge him on appearances, so he felt less defensive around her.

He tends to feel even more guarded around men compared to women for various reasons (daddy issues, bad school experiences, often more physically threatening to a little guy like him, feeling the primal urge to battle for dominance, so on), so it's theoretically easier for him to become close to women. At least, it's harder for him to start off on the complete wrong foot with a woman than he can with a man, where he takes a look at a random fellow and just decides he's a "bad sort" and cannot be convinced otherwise. That said, he can get close to fellas and he absolutely can learn to loathe a woman, as Hyden and (eventually) Alex could attest.

Hyden gets around the paranoia by being someone who Theo thought was dead for hundreds of years. It's safe to idolize a dead man because he'll never hurt you. Of course, Hyden isn't dead, but Theo already developed his imaginary bond with Hyden-as-historical-figure before he found that out, so Hyden got to fast-track the Theo friendship process.

He also thrives off of being people's protector (which is kind of hard as an asthmatic little person whose main form of exercise is lifting heavy books off the shelf, but he tries). The easiest way to forge a connection with him is to make him happen to stand between you and someone who strikes him as a "bully." Yes, like many men who would dare to say "milady," he is a white knight in pinstriped armor. It is very, VERY hard for him to resist the urge to defend someone he's been made to feel a sense of responsibility for, even if his more cynical side is telling him to just leave someone to their fate. Of course, that's all very noble until he ends up resolutely defending an evil warlock from the people whose lives were destroyed by evil warlock magic.

Theo also isn't someone who really grew up having those things called "friends." He tends to have trouble conceptualizing what a relationship between peers is even supposed to be like. Therefore, he tends to shirk his "equals" and instead is unconsciously more drawn to people he considers either above or below himself in station, intelligence, age etc., as that gives him more of an idea of how he's supposed to behave. He tends to seek out relationships he can imagine to mirror familial bonds (replacement parental figures or "wards") or mythologized dynamics from fantasy novels (handmaidens and feudal lords) because those are the dynamics he's familiar with and feels he can fulfill the duties of, more or less. (That said, he prefers people "below" him in almost every circumstance due to insecurity reasons.) If given enough time, he can ease out of those roles and into a more balanced connection, though.

ALL THAT SAID, none of this is a guarantee. Someone could be a completely innocent, harmless little peasant waif who gets beaten up by burly football players on his doorstop every day and he could still just slam the door and yell at them to stop annoying him with all that racket. In the end, excepting rare impulses of charity, he's a deeply unpleasant and misanthropic man driven by irrational pseudo-logic and unstable moods - you kind of just have to be there at the right time to catch him when his rotten little heart is open.

FINALLY, as for enjoying parallel relaxation as quality time, I'd say that's his "default" mode of enjoying people's company. But he can learn to enjoy more energetic ways of bonding with people (maybe a little too much... he can have some serious thrill-seeking issues if exposure to enough excitement brings them out). As much as he'd insist he could only tolerate another person if they have a taste for opera and quiet reflection, I think he could really get into a monster truck rally if he'd let himself get in the mood for it.

[moontheoretist]

Are nuanced vampires too outlandish?

Thank you Jaheira for supporting me in my very brave albeit unusual approach to vampires in DnD. When I first time heard Astarion's idea about vampires as a vampire himself - namely the fact that they are all evil, selfish, power hungry and dangerous monsters that will never treat a spawn as equal or let them become a full vampire, because it simply creates competition for them - I was like "You'd have thought that the most romantic story for a vampire would be if they fell in love with a human, made them a spawn, and then shared their own blood with them to make them a full vampire". It's in fact what happened in the First Kill - Juliette's parents are an unorthodox couple. She is the pureblood vampire from a long line of vampires, while he was just a human that she turned into a vampire. There is even a scene in the show when they lie on the bed, she cradles his head with a wrist put to his lips while he drinks her blood. It was very romantic and very not liked by the matriarch of the family, who saw the man as lesser than.

Still, even despite Astarion being technically an expert at this topic, I couldn't stop myself from imagining that at least one vampire who isn't nasty exists in the DnD lore. But in general, I guess it'd be just like Astarion said. They create spawns, but don't let them become vampires, because it creates competition in all: social, political and hunting related topics. The struggle for power between vampires.

There can probably exist a good vampire if you so wish. You just need to become creative about it. Vampires aren't a race in DnD, but not so long ago Drow were considered to be all evil, while nowadays they are given more nuance. I think it isn't impossible for vampires, either.

I just generally don't like races that are evil by default. And I feel like I'm not alone in this. Evil by default feels boring to me a lot. It's just so cheap and lazy to just create a whole ass group and then deem it evil by principle. And even though vampires are not technically a race in DnD but something more akin to disease or curse, I still feel like there is a space for nuance here. That there could exist some vampires that are good. And I saw some DMs on reddit claiming that they created good vamps in their campaigns. And when it comes to the lore of the game like Baldur's Gate 3... if Dragon Age taught me something, it's that no single character can establish lore that can't be disproven by another character. The world in real life and in fiction both is always conceptualized by people, and those people can be wrong or only see a tiny fragment of the entire puzzle. Which means that for every 10 of Cazadors there is probably at least 1 vampire that is nothing like them in terms of morality and alignment. Hell, even Cazador's own mentor - Vellioth, behaved a bit differently than what Astarion told us about vampires. He gave Cazador "the gift" which I assume meant he made him a full vampire and trained him as the future Vampire Lord. Taught him all the cruelty that Vellioth thought was needed for vampires to survive in the world. With the final lesson ending with his own death.

For all means and purposes, it very much feels like Vellioth wanted to raise Cazador into the perfect vampire and was happy to die in order to make it happen. If we only relied on what Astarion said, we would have to say that it's highly unusual for vampires to create heirs like Vellioth did. What's more, heirs that they intended to surpass them one day. Vellioth made the pact with the devils, prepared everything for Cazador to Ascend. The only thing Cazador needed to do was to get all the necessary souls to fulfill it. Why would Vellioth do all of this if vampires only cared about themselves and their own power? Why would he die for his own heir instead of become Vampire Ascendant himself? Just thinking about it makes me sure that there is much we don't know about DnD vampires. Much to be explored in the future.

If I were to theorize based on data I have now, I'd say that vampire's alignment is fluctuating between a few settings, but tends to be on the evil side of things. While The Rite of Profane Ascension is a step further on the evolutionary tree of vampires, and something that can switch them permanently to twisted beings that don't see anybody as people anymore, only objects they can own or things to be used. And it's part of the price to pay for being able to break the shackles that vampirism puts on vampires. Cazador was already twisted long before the Rite, so in his case the change would not be visible much, but for Astarion? Especially Astarion that the player was steering in the right direction all along? That's a huge leap, even considering his wacky moral compass. As after the Ascension he is no longer himself. He loses himself, twisted beyond recognition by such a great power.

And yes, Astarion is just a spawn. I know that, but the point I'm trying to make is that Cazador being as he is, doesn't mean every other full vampire is exactly the same as him with the same fucked personality.

Which means that there is still hope for full vampires to be more than what Cazador showed Astarion vampires to be. It's also worth taking into account that Astarion probably never met any full vampire other than Cazador. Even though, Cazador was in contact with vampires.

(Maybe he did see them during some balls? There was a ballroom in the Palace, so maybe there were some social gatherings held there?)

(Here is a transcript of the letter on BG3 wiki).

So it wouldn't be a stretch to assume that even Astarion doesn't have a full picture. He was just a spawn, after all, and not even the favored one. What could he know about the vampire politics other than what he heard or saw occasionally when he wasn't busy hunting the prey for his master? He definitely knows more than most, but because he was confined to the Palace alone, it may mean that he never saw how vampires in other cities behave. Though, Vellioth's training says a lot about how he saw vampire society if he needed Cazador to survive. It's definitely not a walk in a park. Gives a harsh environment vibes.

That's also the reason why I think they are mostly evil aligned. While also still considering that not every vampire is the same and that the exceptions to the rule happen. Most would probably now say that if such exceptions exist, they didn't survive, and that is probably true in many cases, but I still think that some vampires could survive thanks to their intelligence and strategizing. Even playing evil for the sake of not being targeted is on the table. As well as non-noble vampires, like peasants in some village or something. We often associate vampires with aristocracy, but it's not impossible that they have a class system in their society as well. Lower class vampires, living in some remote villages, probably wouldn't even care about power struggles beyond their tiny piece of land and "that asshole that threatens my position in the village" or something. It's so funny to imagine some peasant who is a vampire trying to outsmart his neighbor, also a peasant vampire, in order to gain better position with the mayor or the village council.

I have no idea how much or how little DnD talks about vampires, as I never read any books written for the universe. I checked Forgotten Realms wiki, but it was strangely sparse with the lore in comparison to I dunno, the long article about Drizzt or Jarlaxle, so I just assumed that vampires don't really play any major role to be expanded upon so much as to have a whole ass article just about the intricacies of their society and politics. Maybe I'm wrong. But my point still stands. The lore should be rich and shouldn't rely on shortcuts like "they're all evil duh, they're an epitome of evil, the manifestation of evil because we said so". This can't be, and this is not what I live for as a writer and an avid fantasy enjoyer. What I live for is a nuanced lore that breaks the stereotypes. To conclude: I really like complicating the vampire lore.

Maybe it's outlandish and batshit crazy, but it's what I like.

[solstitios]

yoooo! i'm rocket (she/her) and this is my manic pixie boy... man... pyro? idiot? callum, who is absolutely named after calum hood from 5sos i have a few pages up for him at the moment but this post may be better served regarding initial interesting in plotting! i do prefer d*scord for plotting just an fyi; feel free to like this post and i'll send you a dm to connect! ♡

tw: mentions of domestic/physical/familial abuse, accidental death

yes he DID forget how to speak korean when he got to ansong. yes he spent a week literally not being able to understand/read anything around him (this would be a fun plot for anyone who has a muse who speaks eng!) and i don't know how he did it. but one day he woke up and he could just suddenly understand everything again so he's ok now

is from sydney but doesn't remember that now. there's a picture of the sydney opera house on one of his mementos

came from a household with a very strict father and mother with little backbone; as the older son he was always being pressured to be amazing by his dad and would get hit when he didn't meet his father's standards (and then really started acting out as a result, but we'll get to that)

SUPER IMPORTANT TO KNOW: callum has a sister who is 2 years younger named callie and they were super close and i would love if someone brought her to the rp hello 2nd muse idea for y'all !!!

so once his dad really started laying on the trauma lol, callum began his rebellious era — literally just saying fuck all to his grades at school, hanging out with shitty people, getting involved with things he really shouldn't have

got arrested at 17 the spring before his high school graduation, father knew people in the city to get them to let him off with a smack on the wrist but nearly got his ass beat

father banished him to go live with his uncle in korea for the next decade. had a really hard time adjusting at first because his korean sucked. did some odd jobs, tutored english, wanted to be a cop but he couldn't because he wasn't technically a citizen so he actually started training to willingly enlist in the korean military

this happening while he was visiting aus for his bday: he just turned 27 this august so right before his frontal cortex stopped growing he thought it would be a great idea to set off illegal fireworks while was rly drunk with his friends... yeah ok buddy. ends up, i shit you not, "dumb ways to die" accidentally k*lls himself AND HIS SISTER with the fireworks striking them both. i swear this was more tragic when i was first conceptualizing him but writing this out now it's so stupid fjkdhfjkgf

except now on the bright side, he's dead but gets to be a firefighter! oh the irony

persona

personality wise he's like a pretty cool dude. fun to chill with. really likes fires. is calm and cool and that friend that always knows the right thing to say except he's got a lot of demons in him that keep him in his head a lot but is so frustrated because he can't even figure out what the demons are. loves his job. super into fitness and staying in shape. makes lists for everything. slightly neurotic. really wants to get a dog. left-handed. may come across as hard to read at times. nolan fanboy. good taste in memes but bad tiktok taste. only dresses in black/gray/neutrals outside of his work uniform. surprisingly makes banger charcuterie boards

tl;dr

childhood traumatized man accidentally k*lls himself and his sister

potential plots

someone who goes to the same boxing gym as him and maybe they have beef about something pretty juvenile? LMAO

one of your kitchen appliances catches on fire and you're too scared/embarrassed to call 119 so instead you run down to the third floor and make callum handle it instead

someone to go with him to one of the events posted on the community bulletin!!!

for females: callum meets you for the first time and when he does he gets deja vu. he feels like he's met you before (it's all his subconscious trying to push out his memory of his sister callie)

for males: someone younger he treats like an older brother (again, his subconscious longing for his sister)

[batsplat]

favorite motogp rivalry not involving any of the aliens ?

you know, the fact that this is so tough shows just how inescapable they've been in the sport. still, I'll give it a shot

you can go several directions here - either stick to the present, or go for stuff this century that's more in the background, or go way way back. I'm reasonably fond of that eighties early nineties period and the varied rivalries they produced between all the anglos... you know, spencer, gardner, lawson, rainey, schwantz, doohan, that lot... (admittedly some haven't massively endeared themselves to me with their post-retirement punditry, but it is ever thus with athletes.) couldn't do that justice here but a few quickfire thoughts

lawson and gardner is one of those fun ones where you have two completely different blokes competing who just fundamentally Did Not Get Each Other at all. gardner was cocky, forthright, brash, whereas lawson was far more reserved, cool-headed, cerebral... and, of course, they didn't didn't just understand each other, they also didn't like each other at all. infamously gardner was not exactly thrilled when his long time rival was signed for honda (gardner's manufacturer) and gardner had to find out by reading the papers

also they shot this safety ad together and apparently didn't speak to each other the entire time, even though they were in close proximity for hours. don't you just desperately want to recreate this with certain riders, hm

anyway, of course there's also rainey and schwantz, probably the one everyone knows... as ever, important they didn't get on and hated to lose each other

all culminated in the dramatic 1993 season, with schwantz determined that it would finally be his year... and it's a classic season, one hears (even if one is unable to judge for oneself), but a title fight with a sad twist when a collision between the two of them at misano ends rainey's career while handing schwantz his only 500cc title. in the end, it also ended schwantz's career, who retired at the end of 1994. of course dorna promised they'd never go to misano again, which they stuck to for a full fourteen years

then again, arguably the vibes were a bit too good back then between riders, like what's all this then (from schwantz)

actually, I suppose none of those were technically 'motogp' rivalries, but. same difference. there's a few in the years after... I do find the whole 1998 250cc season deeply compelling, but it also would feel like cheating because what makes the harada/capirossi thing so fun is that valentino is there acting as the third man. very much the dynamics between all three of them that are so great. plenty of spats in the years after that, but something like dovi/iannone is more just good fun than a proper 'rivalry'. you do generally need some proper development for a real rivalry, and the aliens just monopolise so much attention this century. so you do basically have to fast forward to... well, the last few years, where the most notable ones have been pecco/fabio and pecco/jorge martin

now I do like pecco/fabio conceptually - it's interesting to have this rivalry between two guys who were being moulded into being the marc challengers by their respective manufacturers and then to have had marc suddenly disappear on them. the way it suddenly thrust fabio into the spotlight, how it put all these expectations and pressures on him and essentially made him title favourite overnight... vs how pecco is the closest motogp has had to a dominant force in the post prime!marc era and is constantly uneasily grappling with that legacy. you've got all this uncertainty and insecurity and asterisks and the shadow cast by the greats (who haven't even had the decency to go away completely), the weight of those legacies... also, two kinda funny title fights, if odd ones (especially '22 lol). main problem is that their wildly contrasting fortunes whenever they were title rivals mean they've managed to avoid actually fighting each other on-track. insanely frustrating and the real asterisk for this rivalry

pecco/martin has been strong stuff, yeah. super contrasting personalities, such visibly different riding styles, and considerably more material when it comes to on-track battles than pecco/fabio (still more work to be done though). that intra-manufacturer arc has been fun to follow, this stand-off between ducati's golden boy and the challenger with the eternal underdog mindset. both have a tendency to feel like the world's against them (which is a trait many riders share, sports is such a wonderful breeding ground for victimisation complexes), both are so incredibly unreliable. both rather volatile in their own ways, both battling their own insecurities. also, it doesn't hurt that they've got a bit of shared history as teammates back in the day. would've been interesting to see them as teammates in motogp, curious how jorge reacts to this latest twist... the needle between them has been fun, especially the silly valencia stuff, though I wouldn't mind some more openly hostilities between the pair of them - and I do feel like marc's reemergence has inevitably ensured the two of them are paying less attention to each other. even martin's grand big fuck ducati thing is now more about being rejected in favour of marc than about pecco getting preferential treatment. still, they've got time, could give us plenty more to work with

which is my favourite of those? I don't know... the tricky thing about the older rivalries is that I believe very strongly in evaluating rivalries by actually watching their competitive output and there's only so much of them I can watch. I guess by process of elimination it's currently pecco/martin? for a hot second there I suppose pecco/bez looked like it could be quite interesting, but they didn't really fight for the title and remained friendly so. whatever. it'd be nice if everyone else picked up the slack some time soon

[aaronieros]

fuck it. short tumblr fic because there's no way i finish this during The Laddening. this is the madatobi tsukuyomi idea i have been ruminating on. warning for implied/referenced past necrophilia and questionable consent due to genjustu hatesex but this is just a conceptual preamble and not actual smut anyway. cannot stress enough that they do not fuck in this it's just that they're about to

It's a mistake, looking up at Madara from the ground. Reanimated, his body is immortal, and the different pattern of Madara's eye doesn't set off Tobirama's instinct to avoid the Sharingan. That may be why he lets his guard down, why he looks up from where he's pinned to lock eyes with Madara one last time.

That, or it's an old habit resurfacing. As soon as his eyes graze across Madara's, there's a sudden freedom to his body, and the noise of the ongoing war has been quieted. Madara hasn't bothered to change the scenery otherwise, but Tobirama knows where he is.

He stands, waits for Madara to state his purpose, because he surely can't have brought Tobirama here for the same reason he always used to? Not now, not while the whole fucking world is ending at his hands?

"I know what you did to my body," Madara casually tells him as he approaches.

Tobirama has to admit he never thought he'd be confronted for that, particularly by Madara himself. How, exactly, does he even know?

"You just couldn't resist letting your hands wander, linger, once you could finally touch me for real. I was only a little put off when I found out. There was something triumphant in the implicit confession that you would have instigated after all, if not for your pride."

"If not for who you are," Tobirama corrects. "Dead, you were quite agreeable. No mood swings, no Sharingan. No danger."

"Please. As if the Sharingan didn't singlehandedly allow our secret little trysts. As if the danger didn't turn you on."

There's little point in lying to Madara within his Tsukuyomi. For all that he's done, he has managed to keep his initial word that whatever occurs in this world remains confined to it, never to be mentioned in the real world.

"If it didn't, I would have killed you for trying, that first time," Tobirama tells him.

"As if it's a given that you would be able to. As if the only thing keeping me alive was your mercy."

It was the opposite, he knows. From the first time Madara caught him in Tsukuyomi, claiming he only wanted to have a private discussion-- one that spiraled and spiraled and spiraled until Madara was touching him and Tobirama couldn't think anymore-- his life should have been forfeit.

A snap of Madara's fingers sees Tobirama's armor removed, but he likes slipping his hands under Tobirama's clothes too much to bare him completely. Tobirama never understood it. He never understood why Madara even started this, nor why he kept coming back for more. The simple triumph of leaving Tobirama a sweaty mess, impossibly hard and unsatisfied within those few mere seconds that pass in the real world?

He has no decency, this man. Madara once blinked Tobirama into Tsukuyomi out in public, choosing to represent the real world, bystanders and all, within the dream world. He had them all witness, had them all react, as he fucked Tobirama in front of the whole village, and all Tobirama could do was try in vain to hide how much he enjoyed that extra effect, lest he encourage Madara to try something so obscene for real next time.

But why even do this? He knows Madara holds no fondness for him, knows he alone bears the majority of Madara's hatred. It could be a release of frustration, but it isn't even real. It's essentially just a shared fantasy, one Tobirama feels all too intimately.

"We have eight hours in this world," Madara pivots, ready to begin. "I'll be using all of them to the fullest."

It's definitely some form of psychological torture. It's about humiliation, domination. It's the fact that he got Tobirama to agree to this so many damn times. Madara must take so much pleasure in watching Tobirama submit to the power of his eyes.

"I think I'll make you come a hundred times," Madara muses with a brush of his hand down Tobirama's abdomen, but the claim gives Tobirama pause even as he instinctually shivers.

"In eight hours?" he questions, gears turning in the wrong direction entirely for this predicament.

"Don't criticize my math at a time like this," Madara scolds him.

"Not only would that be terribly unpleasant, but you won't manage it."

Madara's eyes narrow, taking Tobirama's logic as a challenge.

"Have you forgotten that I make the rules in this world?" he asks, and then his hand slides up Tobirama's shirt, splaying on his abs. His skin is oversensitized, Madara's touch hot and electric. If it managed to feel like this the whole time...

Well, it's the last time they'll ever do this. Tobirama could indulge, since he's already here.

(He's thought the same thing a dozen times in the past.)

[beevean]

Me, an amateur writer with poor english grammar thinking of dialogue for fanfics: hmmm i need to make sure i catch their personalities and particular dynamic here, otherwise it'd seem too generic

Netflixvania, acclaimed show done by professional writers: sassy girlboss and dumb moron man! Sassy girlboss and dumb moron man! And for you hmmm. Oh i know! Sassy girlboss and dumb moron man!

Hahahahaha

the implication that NFCV would care about personalities

they couldn't even be consistent with their own OCs 💀

The thing is that sassy banter is not inherently a bad dynamic. It can be fun, and it can show natural chemistry. Even the games had something similar: Maria gently pokes fun at Alucard for the way he talks (as in, barely), and Julia gives Hector some attitude when she plays coy about her identity. Or, not quite the same still, but Jonathan and Charlotte have this Red Oni, Blue Oni dynamic where Charlotte really wants to be Jonathan's braincell. It can work, it's fine, sometimes friendship and love is joking around each other.

But NFCV fails because it's much more meanspirited about it. And there is an audience for this, of course: for example, look at all the people who are positive N!Trevor and N!Alucard had steamy hot gay hate sex because they see their dynamic as homoerotic, but for me, it doesn't feel earned because they have just met and N!Alucard plays jump rope with the line in a way N!Trevor never matches. N!Sypha calls N!Trevor a deformed pet bear in jest, again without him ever matching her (and I'm not mentioning when she got genuinely angry with him over nothing, like when he made a comment about beer being better than sex and she got so pissed she froze that beer - it's played for laughs but still, it's mean). Greta jokes that N!Alucard is lucky that she's there to run his life for him, when again they don't quite know each other that well and she met N!Alucard when he was a traumatized mess (a trauma she made a nonsensical joke about, although he found it funny so I guess that counted as a bonding moment). And I don't think I need to tell you that Lenore is more than mean to N!Hector - but I can point out how incredibly tasteless the very idea of her spouting dick jokes to pass the time is, to pretend they have sexual chemistry, when not even two months prior she sexually abused N!Hector in multiple ways and she forced that sexual tension onto him. Again, you could have written anything else, you could have had her ask him if he likes his new uniform or some shit, but somehow you managed to choose the worst possible option. peak

But also yes, the sameness just hurts everything. Hector/Julia and Alucard/Maria are conceptually a similar ship, mostly because they share similar narrative roles, but they don't talk the same, they don't interact the same, Alucard and Hector are different people and Maria and Julia are different people and it reflects in their dialogue. Maria is more jokey than Julia, because Alucard is more terse than Hector. Jonathan and Charlotte poke fun at each other from time to time, but the whole game is about their friendship, how they help each other and support each other. Jonathan is angry about his father's death and Charlotte emotionally supports him, Charlotte feels slighted when treated like a girl and Jonathan treats her like a peer, not like a genius like she wants to be seen lol but not like a little girl either. They have each other's backs in every way.

Like. You have to have some substance behind the banter. That is what I'm saying. Chemistry can be shown by jokes and all, but you also need to convince me these people like each other. When you scratch under the banter of the NFCV couples, there is either nothing behind it, or something really rotten.

(and, as I said multiple times, I actually would have liked if N!Hector and Lenore sassed each other to keep up the façade that they're happy with one another, but N!Hector is quietly seething and conflicted and Lenore regrets that their chemistry is built on deceit and imprisonment, and this is why she snaps when he briefly breaks it: out of guilt she can't cope with. That would be a great way to subvert the cliché and actually play with the tragic elements at hand that had the audience interested. But S4 is cowardly on a whole another level, so the dick jokes are just to laugh at and I'm really meant to believe their love is wholesome.)

I'll just leave this here to cap it all off: