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THE SECRET GARDEN (1993)

dir. agnieszka holland

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FORBESCAROLINE’S 9K CELEBRATION TOP 20 GREY’S ANATOMY SHIPS (as voted by my followers) #9. Izzie Stevens and Denny Duquette What I choose is you. You’re who I want to wake up with and go to bed with. And do everything in between with.

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Palm Springs (2020) dir. Max Barbakow

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THE DARK KNIGHT (2008) dir. Christopher Nolan

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things i can't stop thinking about over these past two + a half weeks...

the way carmy verbalizes that his feelings are hurt by sydney. twice in the premiere + then again in the finale.

the soft voice sydney uses when responding with "i will" when they're on the phone while her dad's in the hospital.

the way carmy immediately looks at sydney prior to the food + wine announcement. actually how he looks at her throughout this season... it was definitely reminiscent of s1/s2... he completely cut her off + boxed himself in last season so he stopped really LOOKING at her.

how their fingers brushed when she gave him the lighter + the immediate almost snapped revert back they both do when the cigarette is lit.

the way they both awkwardly smile + sway when she comes up to him at the wedding after talking to donna. realized this is their FIRST interaction on screen outside of the kitchen + it's ancillary environments. it briefly reflected the energy of the locker scene in s2 just more smile-y. the energy was buzzing in a very overt way.

the way carmy's voice sounds when he says the first "i know..." when she tells him he self sabotages. it almost mirrors her "i will.." from their phone call, disastrously soft, hushed + understated, which makes it achingly intimate + tender. it also mirrors one of the “what are you doing?” from her quitting in s1.

the pained look in carmy's face when he's hearing sydney ask him for richie... the set of his jaw, the flat of his fingers against his thinned, pressed together lips. he says a million words with that pained pause alone. his expression is almost like he’s recalibrating his entire course of action + why. i think he’ll have more of those next season.

the way that carmy + sydney's arms are literally brushing against one another as they stand side by side in the kitchen discussing something, no doubt, menu, kitchen, cooking, ingredient, outcome related. the camera pans to tina a few paces away.

the "fuck off" after "and so do you..." because all sydney has ever yearned for is to hear him praise her in a way that validated every, sometimes ill advised, choice she made to stand beside him in that kitchen as so much crumbled. but she couldn't revel in it properly because he was actively abandoning her + they were in a huge fight.

the "to make me not like this!" "how?" exchange... because the expressions they both pull here + then the pause is so effectual it vibrates a bit.

the way that the fight mirrored the under the table scene in a myriad of ways, namely the wordless, shiny eyed nodding sydney does + carmy mimics.

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succession + random glimpses into the roy's childhoods

bonus:

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antoniasavi

Interpretation of the Forms. Musée d'Orsay, Paris 2023

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SIMONE ASHLEY for Defined Magazine — March 2025

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LEGENDS OF THE FALL (1994)

dir. edward zwick

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carmy's vision is sydney. he sees sydney everywhere.

sydney is carmy's dream.

i saw somewhere that the translation in portuguese when sydney said "you're my partner..." is "you're my dream" + i've been thinking constantly about how yes, carmy is her dream in the way that she wouldn't exist in the narrative, within the story, within the walls of that place that mikey toiled over + loved + resented + left to his baby brother WITHOUT carmy existing in the world of cuisine + fine dining... which is... in + of itself the very marrow + substance that the invisible string theory is BUILT on...

but that sydney is actually carmy's dream. the way that she is the thing that cuts through the noise, the panic, the hysteria, the trauma, the elevation of his every sense when he finds himself on fire...

it's always her. the memory of her, the presence of her, the sound of her voice.

we've seen this countless times. more obviously in the panic attack scene, but also in moments where he's spiraling + she tells him to "calm down" + "i'm not your babysitter."

to quieter moments like 3.07 when he's spacing out + the sound of her voice running the line breaks thru + he reorients.

or when he's locked in the freezer + no longer has an anchor to the way his senses SEEK her, he flips out... starts screaming for her.

he can't see, hear, sense, smell... HER. he starts losing it.

sydney is the one thing that represents what's POSSIBLE beyond + without the mountainous grief that currently cripples him + the cataclysmic childhood trauma that dwarfs + impacts how he gets thru the day.

sydney is his dream which is why he sees her in everything.

which is why when he looks at the uniform they all wear, he sees her.

which is why when he went thru her notebook in s1 he carassed the pages in such a way.

which is why the garments she wears + colors she chooses pops out at him + nestles themselves in the recesses of his mind + must be used within a creative outlet on the plate.

she is the embodiment, image + tether to what's possible outside of + beyond his skill + his sorrow.

which is exactly why he's constantly tracking her with his eyes or simply aware of her presence when she's around.

which is exactly why he's so sensitive + reactive to her moods, how she's doing, what she needs + "how this feels" if she's not engaging with him the way he's used to.

which is why he lets out a full bodied exhale when she approaches him in a social setting where half the room is related to him by blood or otherwise.

which is why we see his reaction + stare each time she walks into: the back for the first time when they meet, when she returns to the tomato sauce mess + his restaurant proposal, when she comes thru the swinging back of house doors on opening night.

we're always watching carmy see sydney.

sydney is a stark + perpetual reminder of what exists outside of the hole he has found himself existing in for however long...

so what would be the thing that perseveres + remains grounded + perpetual + safe once he can finally see outside the haze of what clouds his vision?

the one constant: sydney.

only then will he be able to engage with her outside of his baggage, but will also be able to see + sense why her walls exist how they do, why she avoids, just how much of her own dream has always been about cooking + being alongside HIM, not just in the kitchen.

only then will his vision not just be about what's possible + what's impactful + what's soothing + what's GORGEOUS, but what's dynamic + mutual + aligned + reciprocal + DESIRED.

then that's a completely different conversation neither of them will be able to shut off or run away from.

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— Skinny Dipping, Ocean Vuong

[ text ID: my people my people / I thought / the fall would / kill me / but it only / made me real ]

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MADDY PEREZ EUPHORIA | 2.04 You Who Cannot See, Think of Those Who Can

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Little Women (2019) dir. Greta Gerwig

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BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER | 6.03

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Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961) dir. Blake Edwards

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Black Swan (2010) dir. Darren Aronofsky