#I could not care LESS about whether a product satisfies all these things

[applejarjar]

Food product: 'sugar free' 'non-gmo' 'gluten free' 'natural' 'organic' 'no nitrites/nitrates' 'no hormones'

*Me foaming at the mouth*: shut up shut up shUT UP SHUT UP

[lemonhemlock]

the thing is i don't care about how hard it must be for the hotd writers to adapt from book to screen with budget and time limitations (even though i am historically sympathetic enough to these difficulties and i do understand the need to make changes to fit the story in a different medium)

but what i see as understandable excuses would be shoddy cgi or costumes and less impactful action scenes or even fewer action scenes/battles. which we already got anyway, the only battle (rook's rest) is humdrum and rather spiritless. to a certain extent, i can even excuse cutting out characters or merging them or simplifying storylines.

be that as it may, the fact of the matter is that, even the scenes which should have cost the least amount of money in this whole production, i.e. the sitting-around-in-rooms-talking genre of scenes for which GoT became famous, SUCK. the politics in this show are non-existent. the characters' motivations are so wishy-washy to the point of parody. the character arcs look like they were settled via a game of russian roulette. the S2 version of characters doesn't make sense as a progression of their own S1 canon.

and this has nothing to do with money OR time constraints. it plainly only has to do with bad writing. a talented writer can absolutely have a canon-divergent vision and an understandable desire to adapt their own vision. but they have to recognise if they have the TIME or the BUDGET to bring that canon-divergent vision to life, if they can sufficiently commit to integrating those changes in a way that feels organic to the characters. IF NOT, THEN DON'T DO IT.

i get it if they're big rhaenicent stans or if they really, really like this version of alicent that lives in their heards, the one that would ditch her kids in favour of rhaenyra or if they're so enamoured by the idea of heroic rhaenyra (and that's just scratching the surface when it comes to all the points the show fumbled). but if they don't and can't fit those changes in a way that doesn't destroy the logic of the narrative, in a way that doesn't leave other characters hanging dry with no motivation left to carry out the plot points they have to hit, they should have had the maturity to drop those ideas and settle on something else that could have been easier to film with the resources available.

i said it before and i'll say it again: 1) whether fans are satisfied with the changes made to the source material and 2) whether those changes make sense in the context of the show are two separate issues that apologists sometimes try to merge in other to muddle what the actual problem is. "oh you're just mad because it's not book canon" or "you're mad because your headcanons diverge" or "we had logistics limitations" are not pertinent responses to critiquing the integrity of the show's storyline!

so i hope the writers and executives see all these criticisms and choke because they did a piss-poor job of everything and turned S2 into a goddamn hack operation

[astercontrol]

Ever think about how amazing it is that we got a character like the Bit in TRON 1982?

I mean, yeah, having some cute little robot or animal side characters was, and still is, very typical of movies in that genre.

But, look at the Bit.

It's based on a computer science concept, of course: the simplest unit of data in a computer, a single 1 or 0 indicating yes or no. And it's anthropomorphized just enough to get actual computer nerds confused about what exactly it is supposed to be. Clearly you'd need lots more than one bit, to create a programmed entity that behaved the way a Bit does!

Is it the mystical energy of Programmer Spirits that animates it beyond what should be possible-- as it does for the Programs themselves, who also aren't nearly complex enough to be alive on their own? Or is a Bit something else, like an external subroutine of a program, which is called a Bit simply because of the way it communicates?

Who knows? Who cares? It's a Bit! It's adorable!

And yet… this same level of anthropomorphizing is very unusual for Disney, and for the whole genre, in a whole different way.

Though it's much more animate than one could reasonably imagine for an actual bit… the Bit is much less anthropomorphic than any creature playing any comparable role in any comparable movie I can think of.

It has no eyes, no mouth, no words except a synthesized Yes and No. It expresses itself only by shifting appearance between three faceless geometric shapes.

And yes, we love it! Yes, we adore the heck out of that sassy little thing! Yes, we will absolutely look at this object that resembles no person or animal in existence, and we will find enough cuteness to scream over!

We are the weird nerdy audience that you sucked in with the promise of a movie about computer programs being alive, and YES we are invested enough to take this ALL the way!

But I haven't seen any other movie do this, ever since.

And even the original Tron movie wasn't GOING to do it, at first.

Now, every other time I've looked at the early development of ideas in a movie, I've seen a pattern of "Less Relatable being reworked into More Relatable." Any creature design that looks "too weird," "too unfamiliar," "too alien," will evolve over the course of edits, until it satisfies the developers' expectations for being something audiences can relate to.

In other words… looking at the early concept art and the final product, I am certain any other movie I can think of would've adapted the Bit in the exact opposite direction.

Same with the MCP.

Whether it's a villain or an adorable little sidekick, the fans who became captivated by the classic Tron movie are an audience eager and ready to see life and personality in something utterly alien, something that resembles no actual life in the world we know.

And yet, I'm sure this wasn't even the goal of any of the character designers.

When you look at the early design of the Programs, you see them follow a more typical pattern, starting out more robotic, less humanoid, less "Relatable," and progressing toward recognizable humanity.

That movie, I'm pretty sure, was an exception to the rule not because of any philosophy about what would resonate with audiences... but simply because of the constraints of the medium.

The Bit and the MCP became more simple, more geometric, because that was easier to computer-animate.

Programs became more humanoid because that was easier for human actors to play.

A big, huge chunk of what made this movie relatable in a gloriously weird way, to gloriously weird audiences who may have had serious trouble relating to lots of other media, is just a serendipitous side-effect of the wild experiment that it was.

...I wish movies would take risks like that more often.

Really.

[gooseagain8]

Happy Halloween!

I finished some of the other characters so lemme dump all that info today!

Raimu Usuzumi - Sloth, Ultimate Mangaka

Serious about the work they do. To the point that it harms their well-being. They believe time isn't to be wasted on daily routines like hygiene , eating, and cleaning. There is work needed to be finished, and the finished product always satisfies them. They may be a serious person, but they wholeheartedly appreciate their fans and adore them. They are more quiet and strict in person (when it's people they aren't familiar with), but knowing someone is a fan of their work makes them feel more comfortable around the person. They do not care for appearance whether it's their own or someone else's appearance

Additional traits: Reserved, serious, lazy, secretive, physically weak

ANON - Wrath, Ultimate Singer

A person who's vocal about her thoughts and feelings. She, who was once a girl who obeyed and respected every wish that was asked of her and met everyone's expectations of her, now lets out all of her pent-up rage and emotions she had bottled up trying to be perfect. She believes that she and everyone should be able to express their feelings freely. People who hide their true selves are cowards. She believes people who act as someone they are not do this out of some sort of fear. She'll do whatever she can to help them overcome this fear.

Additional traits: Honest, Short-tempered, very protective (she can go too far)

Elysian Estrella - Vainglory, Ultimate "Hero" (Lucky Student)

He's all in it for the praise he gets and the reputation he gains from being an admirable hero. He could care less about the person's life story and their interests. A part of him looks down on the victims he saves but definitely cares more about them than the people who are in a higher position than him and in no need of help. How people view him is his top priority. If there is someone just as good or even greater than him at anything , he generally doesn't have an interest in them but will put more effort into that thing to make sure to stay on top

Additional traits: Hero, Humble, Helpful, Presentable, and Perfect

[effervescentdragon]

Hello barbie dearest! I come to you with a prompt should it ever spark joy or inspiration.

Sebchal and any Jane Austen vibes AU.

im gonna emotionally terorise you actually 🩷💙

"I do not believe they would ever do something like that, Mr. Vettel. I just cannot trust that people could be so - vile!"

Sebastian did not look at Charles as he spoke his outrage. He knew how Charles would look. His cheeks would be rosy, and his eyes would be wide, and he would be a perfect image of angelic innocence. Sebastian could not bear it, not in this moment, so he plucked another flower from the ground and spun it inbetween his fingers.

"Ah, Charles, you forget so easily," he said, looking out onto the lake, "that people are usually both better and worse than you assume them to be."

There was a pause in the conversation. Sebastian brought the flower to his lips, letting the petals caress his skin.

"What do you mean?," came Charles' voice, somewhat subdued now. "Is this - what are you referring to?"

Sebastian forced himself to take a deep breath. The daisy in his hand felt fragile, and he was unsure of whether he wished to break it and throw it away. Perhaps he could pick another one. One that would be bigger, and more durable. Less prone to bending in the wind that blew around them.

"I am referring to the fact you yourself have been vile, Charles," Sebastian said, then thought it disingineous not to look at Charles, if he were to berate him, no matter how deserving the scolding is to be. "I am referring to your comments about a certain young gentleman you've made at the picnic yesterday."

Charles blanched, and Sebastian could not even feel the satisfaction properly, because Charles looked genuinely stricken.

"I understand these comments were made from a place of ignorance and of privilege you are quite unaware you have, which I find particularly funny," he said in a tone that belied the complete opposite, "given that you yourself have advocated for those less fortunate. However, it appears that only certain types of those less fortunate are acceptable to advocate for, if I am to understand your stance properly."

Charles' eyes were wide, and Sebastian could see the embarassment clearly on his face. He cared little for it, though much more than he was willing to admit, because some things must be said, and not many people would dare say them to Charles, or even feel the urge to do so, satisfied to be willfully ignorant.

"I have expected much better of you, Charles, for that was badly done." Sebastian shook his head. "Very badly done."

Charles' lower lip wobbled. Sebastian felt the overpowering urge to comfort Charles, despite being one to bring him grief, but he also knew Charles needed to understand just how foolishly he had behaved. It would do no good to comfort him now, no matter how much Sebastian yearned to do so, for Charles was on a crossroads, and Sebastian needed him to make a choice of what kind of person he would be.

Sebastian needed to know if Charles could be the kind of person Sebastian would be justified in loving.

"I - I did not think -" Charles started, then cut himself off.

"You did not." Sebastian nodded. "So think about it now." He sighed, clutching onto the flower in his hand. "I must go now," he said suddenly. "I have obligations and I - I must go."

Charles' eyes shone with unshed tears. "Will you come back?" he asked, subdued, and Sebastian's heart tore, half of it breaking, half of it more angry than he knew what to do with.

"I think so," he replied, and turned away, for he was unable to look at Charles for a moment more, leat he say something harsh, something he would regret, something that would be unforgivable.

Charles did not move as Sebastian walked past him, looking straight ahead at the trembling surface of the lake. Sebastian wished to touch him, but he resisted. It would be counter-productive, and presumptious, and it wohld undermine all he had said before, and some things were more important than Sebastian's selfish desires.

If I loved you less, I would be able to hate you properly for all that you have and are unaware of, Sebastian thought as he walked away. He looked down at the daisy in his hand. It was beautiful. More importantly, its stem was still unbroken.

Sebastian put the daisy into his coat pocket and let the wind whip at his face as he walked.

[autogeneity]

thinking about the upcoming interview and work in general.

I think at this point my work output is basically on par with the others on my team, even though I work very intermittently and honestly not very much at all. and I appreciate not needing to work that much! I'm not entirely sure I would cope with a workload that actually demanded 40 hours a week from me.

I spoke previously about being kind of glad I don't work on something that I think is super meaningful or important or whatever because it's nice to not care that much and save my energy for other things I care about. I wonder if that also applies to the interestingness and such of the work, whether it's also actually good to do work that does not strongly compel me in intellectual enthusiasm. because I would probably get sucked in real good with data science work, and be a lot worse at the clean compartmentalisation I have right now where I totally forget work the moment I close my laptop.

that, and the acceptable productivity I have eventually achieved is mostly because I more or less know what I'm doing now, and requirements are usually well-defined and the work reasonably clear-cut. I know I struggle much more with open-ended or poorly-defined tasks, or where I don't know where to begin. not necessarily in the substance of it but in the making myself do it.

but I don't know if I want to forever remain in my comfort zone. a (good) while ago I had the thought that I was basically happy and satisfied on a day-to-day basis and it feels like I could continue indefinitely, but if in 50 years this (my daily life in general) was all I'd ever done I'd probably be retrospectively disappointed. I'm not sure how to weigh that, or if it even makes any sense at all.

[logically-asexual]

One more time with feeling

summary:

Part one of this series is 'I can tell I've rotted in your brain', about Logan being slowly pushed away over the years until one day he is kicked out of Thomas's conscious mind and becomes the orange side.

This is part two, about Logan finally coming back.

Read on AO3

Chapter 7 (last)

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words: 1521

Logan was sitting in the living room couch next to Remus, who laid upside-down, with his head hanging from the edge of the couch by Logan’s knees, and his legs on the backrest. Janus overheard them talking as he walked into the room. 

“Okay, how about this one?” Remus began, “Would you rather eat a block of butter or… spend an entire day with a cactus stuck to your butt?”

“Would I have to eat the butter all at once or could I take bites of it throughout the day?” Logan asked. 

“No, you have to eat it in one sitting.”

“Eugh.” Logan thought for a second. “I don’t know what effects that would produce but I assume the health impact could be ameliorated with time and keeping a balanced diet in the posterior days. Being punctured by cactus spines without receiving immediate medical care, on the other hand, could lead to an infection…”

“It’s not on your hand, it’s on your butt,” Remus interrupted. 

“Whatever.”

It pleased Janus to see Logan had finally understood the game and was giving Remus actual answers instead of questioning the point and realism of every hypothetical scenario. The Duke must have been proud of his achievement. Not at the moment though, clearly he had been drinking along with Thomas earlier in the night and was probably still a little too tipsy to think. Logan, for his part, seemed to just have had a mug or two of coffee. 

Janus made it to the couch, prompting the other two to look up and stop their conversation. 

“Greetings,” he said with a smile. 

“Oh, great! Janus, would you–”

“As much as I adore your games first thing after waking up, Remus, I’d appreciate a little quiet.” He silenced the other with a relaxed movement of his hand, and sat down. 

Remus squirmed where he sat, trying to speak through his sealed lips, as Janus tried the best he could to ignore him. 

After a moment, he turned to Logan. 

“Did you get any sleep?”

Deceit knew the answer before the other spoke by the way he looked downwards. 

“Not yet. It… was a long day.”

Logan thought about everything that happened since the morning. He was satisfied listening to Remus now and focus on making sense of his remarks and ideas instead of more consequential matters. 

He was proud to have convinced Thomas to work only at his desk in the office. He hoped that they would eventually also have a desk at home, because there would always be tasks to be completed on a computer outside of work hours, but for now it was an advantageous arrangement. Thomas could limit his working hours to the time in his office, and this way have a more balanced schedule. He worked more efficiently in the office, with less distractions and a setting that encouraged a productive mindset. Lastly, his back was supported and its healthy lifespan would be prolonged. 

A disadvantage, however, was the presence of other people who could interfere with Thomas’s performance. That morning one of Thomas’s employees tripped in the worst place and moment, pouring an iced beverage all over the desk. Luckily Anxiety’s reflexes saved the laptop, as Thomas lifted it away on time. The handwritten notes for future videos and planners across the desk didn’t have the same luck. 

Thomas had looked frantically between the ruined papers, with Logan and Virgil worrying about whether some things could be rescued. The culprit apologized and helped Thomas pick up the wet stationary and paper sheets, except in their rush they were tearing some of them further. Logan was about to slap their hand away and tell them to fuck off and stop making things worse before Patton and Virgil held him back. 

Once the desk was cleared and dried, Roman stood between Logan and Thomas. “Okay, angry nerd,” he said, “No green pigs here, I think we can take it from here.”

Logan took the hint and sank out. As he left, he heard Patton shout after him, “You’re doing a great job, teach! Thank you!” 

Logan then went back to the dark mind palace. Janus and Remus were asleep at that hour, but he couldn’t sleep. He sat on his bed until he was needed again. 

“Why don’t you rest now?” Janus asked, bringing Logan back to the present. 

Remus struggled harder with his mouth, falling off the couch. 

Janus rolled his eyes. “Are you going to behave?”

From the floor, Remus nodded. Janus accepted the promise and unsealed his lips. The Duke immediately thanked him and expressed how his restraining compared to mice being tied up while scientists perform experiments on their brains. 

While he talked, Janus turned to Logan. “You sacrifice your sleep for listening to this?” 

“Hey! Logan loves my bullshit, right?”

“I don’t love anything,” Logan replied, but his smile made the hidden sentiment obvious. 

“Too bad that’s going to end soon,” Janus said as he reclined back. 

“What?” The other two asked, confused. 

“Logan is going to go back to their shiny, colorful mind palace and abandon us.” 

“First of all, acceptance of what I represent is far from coming. Thomas might have been making progress the past few weeks, but he’s going to keep avoiding me as much as he can.” 

“Obviously,” Janus replied. “Those babies still aren’t ready to embrace a little temper. It will happen eventually, though, faster than with Remus or me.”

After the incident in the morning, Logan’s work still wasn’t done. Following his advice, Thomas worked hard and managed to finish editing a video less than an hour before it was time to leave. It was a Thursday, which meant he was perfectly on time to upload the video on a Friday. This would be the channel’s fourth Friday upload in the past couple months. They were successfully on schedule and Thomas decided to invite the rest of his team for drinks after work to celebrate. 

Logan had helped Thomas during the last part of the project and was getting ready to sink back down when Thomas and his friends gathered outside the office, before Virgil stopped him. 

“Roman does know this would be impossible without your help, even though his huge ego won’t let him say it out loud.”

Logan appreciated the gesture, even with the last addition. “I’ll believe it when I hear it from him.” 

“Fine, that’s fair,” Virgil said. Logan noticed he was fidgeting with something in his hands. Anxiety must have seen him staring because he spoke before Logan could inquire about it. “I, uh… I got this for you.” 

He handed Logan a matte black tie. 

“I saw you’re not wearing yours anymore so it’s fine if you don’t want it, I just thought that maybe you could have it in case you ever… you know…”

“Thank you, Virgil.” 

The following instant of silence was broken by Thomas calling Logan. Virgil quickly left them alone. 

“Logan, I… Thank you for your help.”

“I appreciate that, Thomas.”

There was an awkward pause, and Logan was about to leave before being interrupted again. 

“Look. I can’t promise you that I won’t keep changing or that my perception of all of you guys won’t change in the future. But… I can say that… I am prepared to go through those changes with you, and hear you out through the process. I can’t agree with every single thing any of my Sides says, but I can listen to all arguments to come to a decision. I will try to take your… input into account the best that I can. From now on.”

Logan knew words were just the beginning, and it would be a while until they translated into actions. He tried hard to hold back his smile, but he didn’t succeed, at least judging by how Thomas himself smiled at him. How could he, when he had just heard Thomas utter what he had always dreamed to hear?

“Having Assertiveness as a Side will probably be useful—”

“Actually, my proper title is Rage.” Logan finally confessed. 

A figurative shadow suddenly obscured Thomas’s face. “What?”

Remus scoffed. “He loves you two, bitches, he just doesn’t admit it yet.” He sat back down on the couch and lifted his arms to rest his head on his hands. “I will take care of this place, keep it nice, wet and stinky, just how I like it.”

“You’re absolutely not staying here unsupervised.” Janus told him. 

“Indeed.” 

Both the other Dark Sides turned towards Logan at his affirmation. 

“I am not going anywhere,” he stated. “Whatever happens with the others… It doesn’t matter. I live here now, and always will, – as long as you want me here, at least.” 

Janus placed a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it with his thumb. 

“You softie dork,” Remus mocked as he rested his head on Logan’s other shoulder. “You’re dooming yourself to an eternity of–” he gestured towards the messy living room– “this, you realize that?”

“Of course I do.” Logan looked between both of his friends. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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That's it!

thanks for reading <3<3<3

[marypsue]

Ahh I’m so excited to see what’s cooking up with former heroes especially bc I know some of the things that bothered you with season 3 were some of the plot points I have the most so I’m excited to see how you change them. Also I’m excited to see the rise of Joyce Byers, love triangle fiancée who is on fire ! (And hopefully not with a hopper that was s3 Hopper) Robin and Steve still scooping maybe?? Nancy and Mike being peak siblings and also Lucas hopefully getting some time shine.

Also I was wondering you hand any sneak peeks available for the Bodyswap AU or the Vampires+Steve pt3 fic!!

Hello hello nonny!

First and most importantly, I am fistbumping you through the computer screen over season 3. I'm really hopeful that this AU version is going to be satisfying, and avoid the major issues I had with season 3 without being unrecognisable from the canon. While I was considering what changes to make and how, I tried to tie it back more meaningfully to the themes of seasons 1 and 2, and I'm pleased with how that's coming through in the outline so far. Hopefully it'll work in the finished product! (Also, I can promise considerably more Peak Sibling Nonsense, and considerably less of season 3 Hopper. Although I am not making any promises at this time on the matter of dumb teenage romance bullshit.)

Also, because you asked so nicely, from the third and (hopefully) final chapter of don't let the sun go down on me:

“Did you hear? They found the Byers kid.”

Steve doesn’t have any kind of a response to that, beyond a blank stare. It’s too fucking early in the morning for how fucking early in the morning it is. He was up way too late last night, again, thanks to Nancy and Jonathan. The last thing he’s prepared to process is Tommy Hagan’s weird enthusiasm about knowing some piece of gossip Steve doesn’t.

Ordinarily, Steve wouldn’t rise to the bait. He’d play it cool, like he doesn’t actually care. Tommy will fill him in eventually, whether he cares or not.

But ordinarily, Tommy isn’t casually dropping a bombshell that could decide the future of Steve’s sanity. If they’ve found Will Byers – then there’s no reason left for Nancy and Jonathan to stick around. “What? Where?”

Tommy’s shit-eating grin gets even wider, and he slings an arm around Steve’s shoulders, steering them both deeper into the crowded, noisy halls. “Floating facedown in the quarry. Sounds like maybe whatever took a swipe at you decided to go after easier prey.”

Tommy keeps talking, but Steve barely hears him. There’s a weird roaring buzz rising in his ears, drowning out all but the pitch and cadence of Tommy’s voice. Suddenly, the crowded hallway is suffocating.

Steve barely manages to mumble out some halfassed excuse before shrugging off Tommy’s arm and breaking for the bathroom. He tries not to look like he’s running. He doesn’t know if he’s succeeding.

He’s no sooner made it into a stall than he’s hitting his knees on the grotty tile floor, clutching the porcelain bowl as his hasty breakfast makes a surprise reappearance. That bagel hadn’t tasted like anything special on the way down. It’s not improved the second time around.

When his stomach seems to be finished turning itself inside out, Steve sits back on his heels, coughing out the last lingering flecks of vomit as he wonders what the hell just happened. It’s not like he ever actually met Will Byers. Or like he’s known Jonathan for more than two days. And Steve had spent part of one of those days thinking Jonathan was a murderer.

Except. He’d been so angry when he’d thought Jonathan was a murderer. Like Jonathan had personally betrayed him. Steve’s not sure what that means. If it means anything. He’s not sure he wants to think too much about it.

Whether or not Steve actually cares about Jonathan Byers and how hurt he’s going to be by this, though – still. Still. That’s a kid. Will is just – was just a little kid. And – Steve’s memory, unhelpfully, decides to play him the highlight reel of that monster’s teeth, his dad telling him there were bites missing, Tommy saying easier prey, the excruciating pain in Steve’s stomach where the monster had slashed him open –

He wonders, with fresh horror, whether that thing got Will while Jonathan and Nancy were busy taking care of him. Even though that timeline doesn’t make any sense, he still has to dry-heave over the toilet again.

“Stevie?”

It’s the last voice Steve wants to hear right now. He groans as he twists to look over his shoulder at Tommy, and it’s only half exasperation.

Tommy ignores him. “Hey, man, you okay?”

“You look like shit,” Carol says, with a pop of her ever-present gum, following Tommy into the boys’ bathroom like she belongs there. “Rough night last night, Steve-o?”

She’s giving Steve an out. A way to save face. He flashes her a grateful smile, and hopes he doesn’t have bits of upchucked bagel stuck in his teeth. “Guess I must still be hung over.”

“Aww,” Carol tuts, with a sarcastic pout, as Tommy leans over to offer Steve a hand up off the disgusting floor. “And you didn’t invite us?”

“Hey, I know what’ll make you feel better,” Tommy announces, like he’s about to put a man on the moon. “We skip first period and hit the diner. Get you something hot and greasy to fill that bottomless pit.” He thwaps the back of one hand against Steve’s stomach with a grin.

Steve’s stomach gives another lurch. He swallows bile.

“Thanks, man,” he says, when he trusts himself enough to open his mouth. “But the diner’s been closed since Monday, remember? The owner killed himself?”

Tommy’s face falls. Steve swallows around a stab of guilt. Tommy’s his friend. He’s trying to help.

He just – he has no fucking clue what Steve’s gotten himself into this time. Neither he or Carol do.

And it’s gotta stay that way.

“Good idea, though,” Steve offers, an olive branch. “Skipping. Think I’m gonna ditch for the day.”

Tommy doesn’t totally lose the kicked-puppy look, but he does try for a smile. “You want us to tell Sanderberg you’re out sick? Sorry, sir, he was throwing up all morning,” he says, to the absent first-period teacher, voice pitched up and eyes wide in a mockery of innocence.

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Steve says, knowing Tommy will at least get a kick out of winding up the notoriously suspicious Mr. Sanderberg. “Thanks, man.”

“Don’t mention it,” Tommy says, slapping Steve on the back just a little too hard.

“Are you actually sick?” Carol asks, or maybe ‘demands’ is a better word. “You’re acting weird lately.”

Steve forces a smile, hoping it doesn’t look too much like a grimace, as he shuffles over to the sinks to rinse out his mouth. “Nah. Told you. I’m just hung over. Gonna head home and sleep it off.”

Carol, in the mirror behind his head, does not look convinced. But she doesn’t say anything more, either.

Steve does feel a little bad about leaving her and Tommy behind, as he heads out to the parking lot and his car. But they’d never understand. They’d never believe him. Hell, in the cold, bright light of day, Steve barely believes himself.

And, he thinks, as he peels out of the high school lot, there’s no way he could bring Tommy and Carol with him where he knows he has to go now.

[twenytwenytwo]

Nov 23 2022 (4:18pm)

So this past year, at some point I was somewhat surprised by a feeling of guilt on thinking about my little stunt I pulled at Funk years ago. It really bothered me. It haunted me, still does. I think about it, and it bugs me, makes me feel bad. Guilt. Shame.

Anyway, I was chewing on that today, as I tend to from time to time. When I think about it, there is this bad feeling that swells from inside me. It just feels bad, like I’m hiding a dirty secret from the world, living a false life, out of harmony with my environment, betrayed myself, tainted the simplicity of innocence that preceded it.

That is how I think about it now, and not how I thought about it then. I think of how I thought about I did think about it then, and I feel liberated from this gross weight of judgement I place on myself now. It feels far more real, accurate, and relatable to me, because that is how I experienced it. I was having fun. Being cunning was satisfying to me. I weighed the damages of my actions on the world and concluded they were nothing. Nobody was hurt in any way. I took care to only to do it when the specifics of each opportunity allowed for many alternate explanations, besides naughtiness. Bottom line, I liked it, and didn’t feel bad about it at all.

But since I’ve been down, there’s this force inside me that has sought to make me act like a good boy I guess, so as to limit the amount of future wrath the gods may inflict upon me. It’s a paranoia. I feel paranoid about whether I cursed myself by doing that, and a small peppering of other bad things.

I wonder if it’s possible to un-integrate parts of your shadow that you had previously integrated and embraced. That’s sort of how it seems. If nobody got hurt, and you didn’t get caught, it never happened. I wasn’t worried about judgement, in fact I could speculate that this sort of behaviour was a display of power and. I decided what I did, look, I’ll even be bad if I want, I’m in charge.

I truthfully still value that outlook, having it in your to do what you want, if given the opportunity. I think it’s good. I obviously changed a bit though since those days, and my temperament is not the same. But I still think I would do it again.

I think the problem is less the act and more the psychological and emotion prerequisites. The act is a product of negative feelings of resentment combined with arrogance. I also wanted to prove that I wasn’t a total wimp.

When the thought inspires fear, anxiety, or whatever negative feeling, it’s me rejecting it as being a part of me. It alien, an intruder. It’s not though.

- interupted

[briefkingdomarcade]

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[thefanficmonster]

Infatuation

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: FLUFF, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: It’s not a secret that Corpse prefers taking care of his hair himself rather than going to a hair salon to get it trimmed and/or tampered. However, he only has so much knowledge of how to properly do it without having to obliterate his budget. Luckily, his girlfriend comes to his rescue.

Requested by Anon. Hi lovely! Thank you so much for the incredibly fluffy request! I’ve been very pumped to write it and now here it finally is - so sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post it but I still hope you come across it and give it a read! Love, Vy ❤

“Um, what are you doing?“

I just walked into Corpse’s apartment to find him barricaded in the bathroom, giving himself a hair appointment. We were supposed to have a chill night in watching movies, but it seems to me like those plans will either have to be delayed or canceled, given the chaotic state both Corpse and his bathroom are in. I mean, how dumb was I to expect he was actually doing his hair justice when he told me he styled it himself? Why didn’t that immediately raise an army of red flags in my head and lead me to question his methods?

I’m honestly quite jealous of Corpse’s hair. It’s always so soft and silky and no matter how much or how little effort he’s put in it, it always looks good: either evidently carefully styled or boyishly messy, it leaves me with heart-eyes regardless. But to see him massacre it like this, it makes me wish I could report it as a crime.

“Ain’t obvious?“ He sounds rather frustrated and I feel at least slightly better due to this fact. He deserves to be as frustrated as I am by the sight of the crap he’s doing. “Sorry, you’re gonna have to wait for me for...a little while. I just need to get this under control and, um, clean the mess. Sorry for ruining your night like this, babe. I-I really wasn’t planning on it to take this long but I forgot to buy one of the products and I thought I could wing it without it but...I very clearly can’t so...“

“Please, stop talking. I don’t need to know what sins you’ve committed - if I do I’ll probably have to give you the silent treatment for like a week or so.“ I call out to him as I quickly skip over to the kitchen to leave the food I bought on my way over before returning to the bathroom and carefully taking a step inside, mindful of where there are hair strands on the tiles. Even severed, his hair is beautiful and I have a ton of respect for it - ok fine, I adore it. Corpse definitely doesn’t appreciate it properly. I walk over to the shower, reaching out to the two shelves inside which are lined with different types of hair products. “Oh fuck...“ I let out the whisper without even realizing it because I’m so stunned by the brands I see on those shelves. “Corpse, um, what the actual fuck?”

He turns to me, eyes wide and terrified because of my menacing tone. “What? What is it?” His gaze searches the spot where mine was just pointed at, looking for anything that could’ve provoked such a reaction from me. Seeing nothing but the hair products, he meets my deadly glare yet again, “What’s wrong?”

Alright, this man-child needs some serious help

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong.“ I say, stomping towards the exit of the bathroom, “You’re gonna stay here and wait for me to come back and don’t you DARE, even touch your hair, let alone bring a pair of scissors or any chemical near it. Copy?“

“Copied and pasted, ma’am.“ He salutes me, knowing better than to ask questions when I enter my commander role. There are quite a few things that set me off into this bossy-ass persona, and hair mistreatment is most definitely one of them. Thing is, Corpse doesn’t know that. Well, he didn’t know that, pretty sure he’s guessed it by now.

Feeling myself soften at his obedience and trust, I give him a smile and a wink over my shoulder as I go to grab my bag and leave the apartment to complete my mission, “Good boy.”

                                                              *  *  *

“Isn’t that a lot better?“ I ask, gently running my fingers through Corpse’s freshly cut, washed and dried hair. I’ve spent a good five minutes just smoothing through it with my fingers. I bet he’s expecting me to say ‘my precious‘ at any moment now, and trust me it’s tempting, but I still don’t, I won’t give him the pleasure of predicting my actions. Wow, we’ve really reached that level of being familiar with one another that I predict that he’s predicting what I’m gonna do next. While I’m a guessing game for him, I tend to think of myself as more of an open book. You just gotta be fluent in the language it’s written in to understand it.

I’ve gone off-topic, my bad.

“Yeah, you’re a lot less scary now.“ He tells me, his hand finding mine in his hair and taking it to his lips to place a kiss on my knuckles.

We’re positioned so that we’re in front of the bathroom mirror with Corpse seated in a chair in front of me and I’m for once in my life towering over him from behind. Our height difference was threatening to be a hinderance in my work on his hair, but we easily figured it out.

I can’t help but laugh, “You know what I meant.“ I curl one of his already curly strands around the pointer finger of the hand that’s still wandering around the soft dark curls while the other remains in his gentle hold, resting on his shoulder.

“And you know what I meant.“ He shifts in his seat to look at me directly, not via the mirror, “Since when do you have a hair infatuation?“

I roll my eyes and retract my hands, defensively folding my arms over my chest, “It’s not an infatuation with hair, dummy. It’s an infatuation with your hair.” I correct him, doing quick work of styling the stray strands that fall over his forehead and eyes. “I really like your hair, you already know that. I can’t handle the thought you’re doing such a shitty job taking care of it.”

He shrugs, furrowing his brows, “Hey, I was buying top-shelf products, cost me a fortune every month, my hair was being treated like royalty.”

I roll my eyes once again, “High price doesn’t always equal high quality, Corpse. Did you ever stop to read what was in those products?” I don’t let him answer, I don’t need him to confirm what I already know. “Even if you did - which you didn’t - you wouldn’t know what each of those ingredients do to your hair. You see, taking care of hair, especially hair like yours, takes patience and knowledge. It’s practically an art form. It’s not like you can just buy any product that has ‘suitable for curly hair’ on it. There’s a lot more to that.”

It’s only after I finish my monologue that I realize he’s looking at me with amazed amusement in his gaze, almost like a parent listening to their kid talk about their wish of becoming an astronaut. “Since when do you know so much about hair? You’ve been using the same shampoo and conditioner since I know you and now you wanna lecture me on hair care?”

I raise an eyebrow at him, exasperated by his stubbornness on the matter, “Who said being consistent with your hair products is a bad thing? You know, frequent changing of brands has the potential of being damaging as much as aiding.” I explain with the most amount of patience I can muster, now taking over the parent role myself, “And as for your previous question, I know so much because my mother is a hairdresser.”

His eyes widen in surprise. I can practically see the gears in his brain turning as he tries to recall if I’ve ever told him this before.

“How come I don’t know that?“ He asks finally after a long moment of silence. “Why haven’t you told me?”

“You ask that as though I just tell you things like that on the regular. Did you also want me to drop the info that my dad’s a mechanic in passing conversation about video games? Cause that’s a little hard to shoehorn in....“ He cuts off my sarcastic rambling with a brief peck to the lips. He’s the only person allowed to shut me up, and only like that. Anything else will earn him either an earful or a silent treatment. 

Just kidding....unless...

“So, does that mean you’re continuing the family business?“ he asks when he pulls away, “I mean, you’re technically my personal hairdresser now.“

I furrow my brows playfully, “Wait, what? Since when?”

“Since I hired you approximately an hour ago.“ He beams up at me, satisfied that I’ve fallen in his trap.

“And what about my payment?“ I ask, narrowing my eyes at him.

He looks to be contemplating for a second before he stands up from the chair, taking my hand in his leading me out of the bathroom, “Well, each appointment you’ll give me a different price, Miss Y/L/N. But, considering today was your first day, I choose to pay you with dinner.“ He sends a wink my way, laughing when he’s met with an unamused expression on my part as I stop in my tracks, causing him to halt his movements as well.

“You really plan on paying me with the dinner I bought?“ I raise an eyebrow at him, freeing my hand from his so I can put both my hands on my hips for the complete 'I’m far from impressed’ look.

“Yeah...? Problem?“ He asks, faking nervousness and guilt as he closes the distance between us, once again returning to the default of towering over me instead of it being the other way around.

“Several actually. First of all...“ I raise my finger in the air accusingly, ready to go off but the arm that wraps around my waist and lifts me off the ground causes my words to die down, evaporating in a frightened squeal, “Corpse no!! Put me down!“

Of course, he ignores me, carrying me into the living room while I don’t know whether to thrash or stay as still as possible. 

Tsk, so much for gratitude

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[yinses]

college au! headcanons

gojo satoru, geto suguru & nanami kento

rqst: college au for nanami, geto and gojo?

a/n: so i divided it into three categories to help keep my head straight. honestly almost straight kicked gojo out of college bc i couldn’t decide on a major for him. the jjk discord server is heaven sent for my sanity. ty everyone again 🌺

last time i should have to post these. hoping everything is fine now. 

gojo satoru

MAJOR

—he starts off undecided for a long time. the fact that he’s on scholarship allows him to be more flexible with his classes given that he’s not responsible for costs. he grew up with expectations from his family but university is suppose to be his opportunity to spread his own wings and grow from his experiences.

—so he tries a bit of everything- sciences, music and social studies- anything to prompt a spark. (took a business class once and made a point to sit next to nanami everyday just to annoy him) by his second year he’s getting as frustrated as his counselor because if he doesn’t decide soon he’ll be a potential 5th year senior.

—he’s overthinking it but gojo wants to invest in what he believes will make the most significant impact to his ability. his counselor takes those crumbs and runs with it.

—he gets steered towards political science and actually excels at it (that advisor gets a raise). surprises most of the class with his analytical skills because they thought he was just a pretty boy- surprise he’s beautiful and smart.

—develops a vested interest in governmental policies. might run for president one day idk. brings donuts to his early am class. doesn’t share.

SOCIAL

—he’s not the jock per say, but as the star athlete of the basketball team, the school likes to take advantage of his image to draw in sponsors.

—his face is plastered all over the auditorium whether they’re in season or not. sometimes it’s not even to promote basketball, gojo is pretty and they’re not afraid to use it. which also makes him one of the most recognizable faces on campus.

—due to his student athlete contract, he’s not allowed to sign autographs freely in the event they’re attempted to be sold as quick cash. but yikes, he can barely walk to class without someone stopping him for a picture. to the best of his ability he tries to laugh it off, poster boy image and all, but it gets pretty fucking old and annoying quickly. especially when it makes him late for his next lesson and the instructor shows no sympathy.

—his height didn’t only help him get into basketball, but its also convenient when it comes to shouldering politely through the student masses. his golden rule is don’t make eye contact. the busier the crowds the easier it is for him to pretend like he could’t possibly have heard them.

—gojo doesnt scout fraternities, fraternities scout him. but he’s not interested in the slightest. as an athlete he already gets into any social circle he wants without the additional effort. that and he doesnt think he could tolerate an alpha male trying to exert his dominance without barking back.

—loves to show up to parties but always arrives late enough to the point where they don’t think he’s coming. it helps him slip in when he wants too. he’s a connoisseur of all alcohol varieties and a master of beer bong. he’s not necessarily the life of the party but his presence is kind of hard to miss.

RELATIONSHIPS

—he gets too much attention to date casually. most potential suitors are in it more for the benefits they receive than him anyway. he’s got enough on his plate with career indecisiveness and games to try to pursue anything serious before third year.

—he’s not completely celibate though. he tries to keep the same partners as long as he can. not only to keep himself clean and safe but because he often goes into an agreement to keep it casual. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. either way he gets coined as a ‘heartbreaker’ before the end of his freshman year. frankly the rumors obscure most of the truth and give him more freedom. people always expect that he’s with someone even when he’s not, which helps keep his invasive teammates off his back.

—gojo can easily graduate without securing something tangible but there is still a window for potential.

—you’re both his consistent classmate and occasional friends with benefits. its the former title that keeps bringing him back around. he cant exactly avoid you without subjecting himself to 8am classes. it helps that the sex is good too.

—he can text you an offer to study together for the next test and roll over after an hour and wreck you for the rest of the week. its hard to tell who gets addicted first but he does appreciate the way your skin looks when youre wearing his marks.

geto suguru

MAJOR

—he’s a STEM kid, particularly interested in bio-genetics to improve overall health. he believes that simply becoming a physician just keeps the issue at bay and his goal is to eradicate the problem at its source.

—since high school he’s been cataloging different programs across the country before deciding what he wanted and putting all his efforts into it. so it’s no surprise when he gets in.

—geto doesn’t need counselors but they’re required so he listens to them prattle on about using university as an opportunity to explore. this man came in with more college credits than most sophomores, he knows what he wants.

—always on-time to class and never misses an assignment. also that kid who goes above and beyond, even on the simple stuff. he rarely gets teased about it, not even behind his back. geto straight up scares some people even when he’s smiling.

—not afraid to correct teachers when they’re wrong. in fact he lives for it.

—he’s the one who graduated early and starts his master’s program before most of his age group declare their own majors.

SOCIAL

—he tends to frequent the same circles- handpicking his acquaintances out of class rosters, clubs and honor lists. he’s less in it for the friendship and more so to scout for potential research partners.

—met gojo in one of his science electives and literally carried him through the class. they somehow end up friends but only really hang out at each other’s places- bunch of chill movie nights and pizza.

—there is no interest in fraternities, but he does join university funded clubs that allow him to further his research. they give him unique access to labs, take him on trips to different conventions and have an alumni list a kilometer long for future collaborations.

—the man does not party but he will occasionally slip into quieter bars to ease some of his frustrations. he actually enjoys karaoke thursdays , not to sing for himself but the drunken antics of others bring him some amusement.

—smokes weed occasionally, but only his own product. it helps him relaxand fan out the stress. he never sells it but sometimes gojo nicks some of his stash. given that he gets drug tested often, geto doesn’t know how the athlete never gets caught.

RELATIONSHIPS

—not interested in seeking out relationships in the slightest. the man has a plan and he’s already married to it.

—he’s not completely immune to sexual advances though and occasionally splurges but none of the friends with benefits crap. he’ll hit it once and stay celibate for the rest of the year easily.

—you might be able to squeeze in as his fellow lab partner. remain invested in the work and not him and he’ll start noticing the little details of your company- the way you subtle perfume lingers on his lab coat hours after you’ve adorned for the day, how he knows you have to keep your hair up for safety precautions but he thinks about running his fingers through it daily and your mind, damn, he wonders what else you can come up with when he has you laid out on his sheets.

—if he’s interested, geto won’t hesitate to broach the topic. he’ll ask you out for coffee and when you try to bring up research he’ll be upfront about his attraction. ultimately if you start dating the two of you are an absolute unit- not that you weren’t before.

—you’re the one variable he didn’t plan for but he’s glad to have added you to the equation.

nanami kento

MAJOR

—he was made for the business world, brought by a CEO who raised him to inherit the company. administration major marketing minor.

—takes initiative in all his classes and is often coined as group leader for projects. mostly keeps to himself  and only speaks up when prompted or disagrees with something.

—he takes the earliest sessions possible because it means less people more often than not. doesn’t really care if its in the front, middle or back but always sits near the edge.

—doesn’t really want to but it looks good on his resume so he joins the marketing team where they present mock business plans for competitions. they win a lot. nanami honestly doesn’t care. but again it looks good.

—it only took him a brief summer internship to learn that he found nothing satisfying about board meetings and macro management.

—he decides to invest in law school to handle the company from a legal standpoint instead.

SOCIAL

— sort of like geto, only wants to make friends on a need be basis.

—he would rather keep to himself but knows the benefits of socializing so he interacts with his frequent classmates when he can- through study groups or car pooling to seminars.

—he does join a fraternity, its the same one his father did (and uncles, cousins, whatnot. its a generational thing). its geared towards bettering future leaders. they focus building resumes, charity events and run the organization like a proper business. nanami gets elected president by his third year and runs two terms.

—the only parties he attends are networking events- full of wine and fancy horderves. wine is plentiful but he’s always nursing a scotch on top of his headache. if one more person squeezes their stocks into a conversation he’s going to personally take down the whole market

—zero interest in college party life. spends some of his downtime at the campus theater watching old time movies and classic plays.

—he’s the coffee shop hoe. he wakes up early sometimes just to sit by the window and read some casual literature. has his own thermo that gives him free refills to cart to class. do not talk to this man before he’s had his caffeine.

RELATIONSHIP

—he probably has a high school sweetheart that he’s still clinging too, whether on the same campus or long distance. it helps him because he can’t really see himself pursuing a relationship while focusing on school.

—he’s been with you long enough that you understand his ambitions and won’t feel bested by them. the two of you have a system- starting the day off with sweet ‘good morning’ texts before class and ending the day with long conversations as you digest the last 12 hours.

—nanami is independent but he is thankful to have you to rely on when classes start to overwhelm him. the two of try to escape briefly for the weekend when you can. often going to near by reservations just to get off campus

—other times the two of you will cuddle close on your dorm bed, his long fingers combing through your hair while he reads over some notes for class.

—sometimes you have to be the one to tell him to take a break and to enjoy life while he can. even if that means dragging him the events and concerts hosted on campus. he resists at first but you can see the tension ebbing away as the night comes to a close.

—the two of you start living together in your senior year just because you can. he insists on buying a house. not only because he can afford it because it can be rented out after graduation. always the business man.

[hualianff]

Distant Faces

The Lonely (Instrumental) – Christina Perri

After much deliberation, HC finally decides what to give XL on his birthday: a painted portrait of XL and his parents during Xianle’s most prosperous days. Even though HC tries his best not to remember his life during those times, he knows XL loved his parents despite how everything turned out. 

It’s been over 800 years, after all. 

XL had offhandedly mentioned he can’t even remember the details of his parents’ faces anymore. The way his mother’s eyes shone chocolate brown in the sunlight; the way his father scowled in disapproval but never in a malicious manner. The way his mother held him when he felt sad, let him cry on her shoulder. The way his father looked proudly upon XL as his son.

Admittedly, XL had a complex relationship with his father. They didn’t always see eye-to-eye, especially towards Xianle’s inevitable deterioration. XL can cry because he misses his mother, but with his father, it’s more than that.

It’s regret.

It’s shame.

It’s anguish for the tension that kept his father at a distance that now seems insignificant.

But being the kind of person XL is, he’d rather remember the positive aspects of his relationship with his parents than the hardships.

Especially because he feels like he failed them in the end.

HC cannot relate to XL’s experience of having loving parents who genuinely cared for him, much less the loss of such parents. An abandoned child like himself had to bear the burden of living from a young age. HC did not grow up nurtured or fawned over; HC endured his cruel existence by looking after himself. 

After meeting XL again after his third ascension, HC now knows what it’s like to be loved–fiercely and unconditionally. To imagine losing XL gives HC a palpable semblance of what XL felt when he woke up completely alone on the day his parents passed. Over the decades, XL has briefly talked about that day, though never in full detail. Partially because XL’s mind has blocked out the trauma, but it is also simply too painful to remember.

Originally, HC heavily debated whether gifting his husband the portrait was even a good idea. The last thing he would want to do is upset or offend XL. HC wasn’t even sure he could properly replicate the king and queen’s faces.

Ultimately, HC decided to go through with his plan. He hopes that if anything, this painting can help XL recall his parents’ faces and the fond memories he had with them. Perhaps it could serve as an outlet for healing from the years XL suffered on his own. Everything HC does is for the happiness of his husband.  

After going through one of his earliest memories via his butterflies, HC spent days sketching, outlining, and painting the portrait. He miraculously managed to portray the details as accurately as possible—MQ and FX themselves confirmed. The two heavenly officials failed to hide their teary eyes, MQ abruptly turning away while FX furiously rubbed at his cheeks. It’s one of the few instances HC holds his tongue when around the two martial gods.

There is no shortage of people who celebrate XL’s birthday when it arrives—heavenly officials, Ghost City, and worshippers alike. HC spends the entire day by his husband’s side, visiting as many festivals to witness the joyous ceremonies. Worshippers place extra lavish offerings on their altars while XL’s friends personally deliver their gifts at Puqi Shrine. (The designated location for heavenly officials.)

Once it’s evening and the festivities have calmed down, only two remain inside Puqi Shrine. HC has taken the liberty to cook a quick meal for them to share. He ladles soup into XL’s bowl, then scoops rice topped with fried fish onto his plate. 

“Thank you for making us dinner, San Lang. It looks delicious,” XL says, eyes sparkling. HC smiles warmly.

“I would be a fool to not spoil Gege with wonderful food, regardless if it’s his birthday or not,” HC solemnly says. “Though I do hope he enjoys the fish and soup.”

“There are no doubts about that,” XL replies before eagerly spooning some broth into his mouth. His eyes visibly widen as he sputters a bit, spoon lowering back into the bowl. “Oh, that’s hot!”

“Careful, gege. Allow this dutiful husband to blow on it.”

They finish eating with satisfied slurps and chewing, keeping casual conversation between bites. Before XL can get up to clear off the table, HC snaps his fingers, every dish already washed and placed back in the cabinets. 

They are finally alone, energy spent and stomachs no longer empty. HC’s eyes shift to the corner of the room where a covered, flat object is propped against the wall. 

“Gege, I have one last present for you.”

“That’s been here this whole time? Wow, it’s so big!”

HC doubts himself even as he hands over the wrapped gift. He watches with bated breath as XL carefully works open the covering with nimble fingers to reveal what’s inside.

Once XL sees the entire painting in all its glory, his hand flies over his mouth. His initial excited smile upon tearing away the wrapping paper is replaced with a tense frown, the type when someone is trying their best not to cry. 

A ragged sob escapes his lips.

XL can’t stop staring at their faces—his parents’ faces—who he hasn’t seen in centuries. Who he never got to say goodbye to. He touches the canvas, paints dried and glossed over with a finishing product that gives the image a sleek sheen. He touches their familiar faces, pleasant smiles etched onto their lips, and then his own, placed between his father and mother, smiling widely: happy.

XL hugs the canvas to his body, closing his eyes, and cries his heart out.

HC’s heart shatters at the sight of XL breaking down, though it was almost a guaranteed reaction. He doesn’t hesitate to rush forward to embrace his beloved from behind, nuzzling against XL’s temple as his smaller body trembles uncontrollably. But before HC can express his pitiful apology, he hears quiet, repetitive mumbling among XL’s broken sobs.

“Thank you,” he says. “Thank you.”

“Gege-”

“Thank you.”

“-breathe, my love.”

“Thank you.”

Over and over again. Nearly nonsensical through ragged chokes and desperate gasps for air. HC shakes his head as tears wet his own cheeks, as if to say a thank you was not needed. He rubs up and down XL’s arm, occasionally pausing to massage his neck, anything to comfort him in his sorrow. XL suddenly grasps onto HC’s wrist, an anchor from the barrage of overwhelming emotions washed over him over the last few minutes.

HC eventually rasps out a remorseful, “I’m sorry.” He doesn’t know what for exactly. For triggering XL’s tears. For the death of XL’s parents. For the loneliness and grief XL has experienced and never had the proper closure to.

XL continues weeping without a sound. For the fear of ruining the portrait with his tears, XL carefully places the painting on the table. He gives the painting one last lookover, lower lip wobbling. XL bites his lip to suppress the whimper threatening to erupt from his throat. 

How could he ever forgive himself?

“Me too,” a son whispers to his parents. 

Half an hour later, XL and HC are situated in their bed at Paradise Manor. Per XL’s request, HC skillfully hung the painting up next to their wedding portrait. Two pieces juxtapose two different eras; one, a window to the past; the other, a relic that will remain timeless.

Someday in the future, XL will have the strength to commemorate his parents with more than just a fleeting prayer. He will describe them with words and stories that do them justice. He will honor their legacy not by following in their footsteps (for they have long disappeared against the force of time), but by practicing the values they bestowed upon him while simultaneously learning from their faults and mistakes.

However, for tonight, HC wraps XL in a snug blanket burrito, holding XL from behind as the former prince mourns in silence. HC doesn’t push his beloved. He merely squeezes XL’s hand to remind him he has someone to listen to him. The last thing XL requests before falling asleep is another portrait of his parents, this time with both him and HC sat in the middle. 

“Father...Mother...if you could see me now...see how happy I am,” XL tiredly thinks, sleep beckoning him to surrender to the darkness. “You guys really...would have loved him.”

(Special thanks to @no-one-says-hi and @iaintnosidekick for listening/helping)

(Inspiration)

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

i saw your post about Charles and what his personality past and part in the story line so i was wondering if u could do the same for vlad? :)

Ah, well, I can at least let you know what I’ve seen so far? I haven’t delved too far into Vlad, and some of his general impressions can be confusing, so I’ll do my best to make it sensible and unbiased! Here you go lovely <33333

Fair warning, there will be mentions of a lot of JPN app content since Vlad and his boys aren’t around much in the ENG app yet.

My general sense of Vlad is basically discount vampire Sasuke Uchiha.

What I mean by this is to say–according to what I’ve read so far–his clan/family were murdered by vampire hunters in cold blood when he was just a young boy. Presumably as a result of that traumatic event, he harbors a sizable enmity towards humanity and kind of lashes out on them in weirdly specific moments of violence. Another aspect of his motivation is something that’s mentioned within Comte’s route; which is that Vlad went through the timespace door on his own one day and allegedly saw a devastated future, where nothing remains of life on earth more or less.

I guess the reason I find him to be so perplexing is that he speaks about his actions in terms of efficiency, while most of the things he does just feel like unhappy outbursts (v often a product of unresolved trauma symptoms, I’d wager.) I also say this because he appears to have no larger pattern to his fury beyond the original event of his loss. Most of the human beings he attacks aren’t much of a threat to him and hurting them really doesn’t bring him any dividends beyond revenge.

For instance, he insists his disdain for humanity and insistence on controlling them is for the sake of ensuring they do not destroy the future–the horrifying wasteland he witnessed when he traveled through the timespace door. However, I’m not really sure how his current movements really speak to that goal? I mean sure, maybe he’s relying on Faust to create an immortal human so that humans will be forced to care because it will be their future too, but he doesn’t allow Faust to draw his pureblood blood for experimenting. (One can most certainly argue this was more about a lack of trust, and perhaps for plenty reason: Faust is vindictive enough to try to turn the tables and exert control over Vlad, or act on his own whims with his findings.) But if that’s the solution he’s waiting on, turning the rivals of the men in the mansion doesn’t really bring him any closer to that vision either? I mean, what good does it do to bring back Gilles de Rais–a prominent French serial killer? How would unleashing him on the populace help humanity “realize the error of it’s short-sighted and wasteful ways” and move to a brighter future?

Can���t help it, I ask these questions as I read.

In Comte’s main story, Comte hammers home that Vlad is not somebody to be taken lightly. One day when MC goes out to buy flowers, Vlad poses as a human florist to sell them to her–which is how Comte finds out he’s in France, and that he’s made contact with MC. When prompted, Comte describes him in a very particular way; and I think people really overlook this when they talk about their relationship. He says that Vlad is frighteningly pure in terms of the way he thinks and acts. The way I understood his description (given what I’ve seen of Vlad) is that Comte really does mean it point blank: Vlad is very simple in terms of why and how he does things. The issue with this is that nuance and context are lost on Vlad as well–and that’s where the problems start to flood in. Vlad is angry at humanity for what they’ve done to him. Baseline? That’s fair, they killed his damn family. However, Vlad thinks that by extension he has the right to decimate the general public and attack people completely uninvolved in his hurt.

And that isn’t right either–it’s ignoring so many factors here. He’s ignoring how much vampires use and toy with humans as pawns, it’s ignoring the massive power imbalance between him and his victims (this really isn’t a case of self-defense most of the time, nobody but Comte/Leo is a sizable threat to him), and he’s ignoring whether or not a person even did anything to deserve his retributive violence. While murder is never okay, it is perhaps more understandable when we see Jeanne’s frenzied and violent belligerence in response to a man who murders a boy’s mother for the sake of his own amusement/convenience. Vlad literally sees almost every single one of the rivals he created begin to heal/improve and murders them in cold blood because they are no longer of any use to him. That’s uh……..that’s a little messed, not gonna lie to you chief.

While part of me understands the efficiency here–he doesn’t want to leave any traces of his involvement, he doesn’t want any loose ends–it’s also just kind of foolish and cruel ultimately. From my understanding of the narrative, all the people he turned had some visible sign that indicated their origin to Comte. So even if he claims it was for the sake of concealment, it was more likely about his personal convenience. Which…..also yikes.

[Comte clearly does not trust Vlad to be reasonable, and I think there’s plenty of good reason enumerated above, but I actually don’t sense quite so much hatred? I think he’s just given up on the idea of Vlad growing up, even if he doesn’t like giving up on people. And considering Vlad’s behavior, I think it’s overkill to say that Comte just abandons him because he doesn’t care lmao. Even when Comte expresses real anger at the end of his own route, it was more because Vlad was fine with endangering MC’s life just to get back at him. I think Comte’s unhappiness with Vlad has more to do with Vlad’s treatment of human life as meaningless and worthless. It’s fascinating but also kind of sad? Vlad’s traumatic experience results in behavior that is a direct exacerbation of Comte’s trauma, and as such--no matter their potentially fond history--they can’t stomach each other.]

In Comte’s route, Vlad also has Shakespeare abduct MC and take her to the cathedral. Later on in the castle, we see an immediate display of Vlad’s shocking powers: he has the ability to manipulate people’s desires/thoughts. I’m not exactly sure how this works, but he is able to give MC visions of the mansion and Comte coming on to her–which shocks her into realizing it’s all just a dream. It’s not reality; it’s all manufactured by Vlad.

After that...weird introductory note...Vlad gives MC the rundown on his life together with Comte, which as always is subject to a question of bias. My assumption is that he did not lie, only because he was trying to convince MC that he was “right.” Furthermore, he does not omit the most damning evidence of his erroneous judgement, which suggests a continued inability for him to see where he went wrong.

We get a series of three flashbacks. The first is them as young kids. I don’t know if Vlad had already experienced the horrors of his family being destroyed, but this particular flashback focuses on Comte. His parents, in an effort to teach him that vampires and humans have no ability to co-exist, send away all of his teachers/mentors/nannies/the servants--pretty much everyone and anyone he was closely bonded to. Think about it this way: we can see that Comte is very sociable and affectionate by nature. He was living in a house full of people, all of whom cared about him and looked after him in their own way. Now the house is entirely empty. Naturally Comte is very very upset, and Vlad appears to try to cheer him up with little success. 

[When I look back on this scene I don’t think I initially registered the sheer dissonance of Vlad’s reaction, versus Comte’s catatonic misery. There was a very solemn feeling to that memory, and the correct choice in terms of extending comfort is to hold his hand believe it or not. There is a sense that he feels very alone. When young boy Vlad enters one can argue that it was the proper thing to do; he was trying to cheer up his playmate and friend. But at the same time, I think I need to double check. Because I’m beginning to wonder if I was wrong. What if Vlad was happy to see someone as alone as him, and that joy is accordingly dissonant for that reason? He can’t see what Comte needs or how he’s hurting because he’s so glad he isn’t alone anymore in a way.]

The second flashback is the war nurse scene that I have spoken at length about. The important thing to focus on here is Vlad’s surprise that Comte would opt out of turning her out of respect for her wishes. The way Vlad frames the situation is starkly different from Comte’s. Comte sees himself as an outsider, somebody who invaded her life as a result of the timespace door and therefore has no right to suddenly change the course of her fate. He had no idea if she even wanted to live (considering the horrors she’d have to cope with and remember) or leave that time period at all, for that matter (considering the only thing keeping her going was helping the wounded/victims). Comte really was listening to everything she had to say, and he was taking her concerns and motivations seriously. 

Vlad simply says: if you want her, take her. It’s as simple as that for him. And in one way that’s not entirely wrong--assuming Comte would have every intention of looking after her and actually cares a lot about her. But what’s being ignored here is her agency and the fact that they really don’t know each other that well? Something like that could begin and be rocky, if it doesn’t end in complete disaster. Worse, I get the feeling Vlad is perfectly fine with the notion of turning her and if things don’t work out, just kill her or get rid of her. Again, the simplistic thinking comes into play here: it ultimately comes down to Vlad being self-centered. He’s thinking only in terms of satisfying his needs, he doesn’t seem to have any concept of a larger pair or group feeling. There’s an inability to bend/be flexible for the sake of maintaining a greater harmonious feeling. 

[For the record, I don’t think this makes him irredeemable? Only that it makes it very hard to live with him or love him, probably. There’s an inability to live at a joint pace? It’s always answering to what he wants without room for anything else most of the time, which to me is not living and it’s not love ;;;;]

Following their escape back to their own time, Vlad explains how he wants to use the door to turn geniuses and control humanity. He eventually wants to create a surveillance state, which would mean everyone is forced to move with his explicit approval, more or less. (He almost reminds me of Louis XIV, can’t tell if that’s what they were going for.) I have my doubts that his abilities could extend that far, but human history shows us that we are plenty susceptible to fascist and totalitarian rhetoric. In a shocking display of anger, Comte draws the line at controlling humanity and forcing them into a regime in which, and this is Vlad’s description not mine, “we (purebloods) would be like kings.” There’s definitely a concept of evolutionary superiority at play here, which echoes what I mentioned earlier; vampires seem to have this awareness that they’re apex predators in a sense, and enjoy the power that comes with that. Unfortunately, that probably makes for a fairly toxic/uncomfortable larger species culture, which is exactly what Comte and Leo hate lmao.

Vlad does not seem to find any issue with this sort of outlook, and asks MC to decide which of them--Vlad or Comte--is right. Who is more realistic, who best understands the future? As expected the MC replies that it's Comte, and Vlad goes from beseeching to big mad at record speed. He's p much that gif of the teddy bear that smacks its head down on the tables and then has the angry eyebrows.

This is where Comte intervenes, firing a warning shot that grazes Vlad's cheek and demanding he let MC go. In response, Vlad shoves MC into the turbulent timespace door--p much guaranteeing MC's death. (Essentially timespace is a void of sorts, a human being could never survive in that environment for long. Vlad fully knew this, and yeeted her anyway.)

So uh, yeah. Disagreement? Death. Moving on? Death. Nuanced approach to reality? Death. Beginning to think he doesn't really have a lot of patience or open-mindedness or any other kind of problem-solving approach. 

He raises flowers and gardens like a fiend, and he openly plucks any single flower with a blemished leaf. Even if a single petal is slightly damaged, it will be removed and destroyed. So one could argue his extremism reflects a kind of perfectionism as well. No room for errors or troublesome dissent. No ugliness of any kind. I mean in all of his interactions with Faust and Charles this is the overt undertone. Don't ask more of me than I'm willing to give. Behave like good children, mommy's busy. Is that insubordination? boss music begins

One thing I actually don't understand very well is his decision making in Dazai's route. Dazai finds out about what Vlad's doing in a nanosecond when he senses MC is in danger, and yet Vlad makes absolutely no move to eliminate Dazai? He just watches from the shadows. Even when Dazai grills Charles about his loyalty to Vlad, no retribution.

My best guess for this specific situation is that Vlad does derive some level of satisfaction thwarting the future of human beings/former humans. Dazai--being somebody with no great desire to live, no rivals to speak of as far as we can tell, and no larger aspirations--is a life that is easily extinguished. There's no satisfaction in it. When Vlad's clan was murdered and he saw the future decimated, it could be that he felt humans had invaded and eradicated every potentiality that was important to him. Where he might have lived happily with his family, that future was ripped from his grasp. Where he might enjoy his flowers and the creation of an immortal for the rest of conceivable time, that too was ripped from his grasp with a desolate future. 

So much about who Vlad is is about control, so it's very possible his lashing out is an extension of that. Dazai does not awaken any of the disdain he feels, and he does not succeed in overthrowing Vlad's control over Charles, so Vlad simply lurks in silence.

And last but not least, I've seen the preview to Vlad's newest birthday event story. The contents are incredibly revealing, in that MC wishing him a happy birthday and offering him a gift has him saying that it was "the best birthday ever." Granted idk if that’s sweet or just...beyond sad, but here we are. It’s only compounding my curiosity about the wound on his chest--I really do wonder if he was attacked and locked away by vampire hunters or hostile human beings or something. I say that only because that line speaks to a lot of isolation, and given how little he seems to care about turning people/subjecting them to his whims it feels odd. Why the isolation or lack of people who care about him? Is it a perceived lack where his actions alienated all the people who wanted to be close to him, or is it a more involuntary lack?

When she says let’s celebrate again next year, he seems a pleasantly shocked by the notion, and remarks “Ah yes, it’s a promise c:”. The preview was also mega horny: “You make me feel so loved, I don’t think I can be gentle with you tonight. If you enjoy it so much, then I won’t stop. I want to see you completely lost for me. I’ll teach your body what it means to be loved by a pureblood.” Aaaaaand pretty sure the CG was alluding to him licking the good stuff from her basement, though not entirely sure given it was only the preview. 

The brief POV they give us is also very revealing:

“You always keep your promises, and I think I underestimate all the time how much you saved me. You are good, only you are good in this world.”

“Will we continue to make promises to each other in the future? Well in that case--you will always, always be mine, my vampire.”

Tbh he’s...v sweet? In his own way? Honestly he feels like a crabapple that is just so sick of the world and wants softe wife to take comfort in. While granted that’s not really my thing, I know a fanbase appeal exists for these types--so if that’s your thing, have at it!

So now that we have reached the end of my ridiculously long analysis (when am I ever brief, I’m so sorry. If you made it all the way here you deserve a cookie at the very least, if not the right to chase me with a bat) perhaps it’s more clear why I said discount vampire Sasuke Uchiha? “My clan is gone, every other second I’m going to be in retraumatization insanity, when I’m not I’ll be seeking power/hobbies, planning the demise of people who wanted the best for me, building a team to my advantage and unquestioned control, and eventually settling for a lifelong love who sees the best in me despite my more difficult moments and perceived hollowing loneliness. Not the most ideal comparison, but I will say if Vlad was not already named the historical figure, would have pointed and yelled Uchiha.

That’s all from me folks, hopefully this was a fun way to get introduced to him? And again, hope I didn’t alienate--I fully respect what people do and don’t enjoy o7

[flickeringart]

Pisces Sun and Moon Combinations

Planets represent different energetic principals in the life of an individual – the signs show what filter these energies express through.

Having an inner planet (or luminary) in the sign of Pisces gives the personality receptivity, a boundless quality. No matter what other placements the person has, the passive and intuitive nature is going to come through.

To simplify;

The Sun represents individuation, ideal self-expression and conscious self-actualization.

The Moon represents instinct, emotional nature and personal needs.

Pisces Sun – Virgo Moon

The personal path of self-actualization is trailed with surrender. There’s great sensitivity, which if kept within a limited ego-structure threaten to drown the person. Life might seem threatening and vicious, there’s a desire to up-hold the belief in love but when adversity gets too real, the person might snap in the name of preserving goodness. The person is unwilling to forgive certain things, but they’re also incapable of holding toxic grudges for long. It does nothing but to prolong suffering and Pisces Suns can’t stand to be in atmosphere of friction. They are very forgiving in their evolved state, however, if they’re not, they might justify cruel behavior by reinterpreting it as mercy or care. “This person needs to learn a lesson and I am going to be the good person to teach them” might be the attitude. Needless to say, it can turn extremely manipulative. The personal comfort are very much dependent on keeping one’s life in check. The person craves order and puts faith in the intellectual faculties to feel in control. Getting one’s life on track is a pressing need, which is not a bad thing unless the details gain utmost importance and the big picture is lost. The person is more likely to trust people who are efficient and willing to adapt – it’s how they show their care and how they would choose to be nurtured in turn. Although there’s a tendency to get bogged down in the mundane and day-to-day routines, a proclivity to focus on what must be put in order - there’s also an awareness of the vast backdrop of the undifferentiated realm. The person might turn critical and nit-picky when needs aren’t met, but the overall personality is soft and giving. There’s great compassion for the self in it’s limited scope and ideally an understanding of the transcendent realm. The person might be a diligent worker but prone to get overwhelmed and stressed. Crowds, disorderly environments and chaos would take a toll on the emotional integrity but the person might keep quiet about it and be a bit ashamed to admit to this kind of sensitivity. Confusion makes the person feel very uneasy and unsafe emotionally, but in terms of identity it’s fine for them to be less concrete, more diffuse and undifferentiated. Personality wise, the person is more of an artist. Instinctively, the person is more of an intellectual.

Pisces Sun – Sagittarius Moon

Emotionally, there’s restlessness and a need to move about, to try out new things and experience as much as possible. While there’s a hot and fiery temperament to this individual, the overall personality wants to get lost and to be immersed in life as intimately as possible. The person throws themselves into experiences that hold the promise of consumption and freedom. The two might seem incompatible and to a certain extent they are. On the one hand there’s the transcendent perspective of everything being unreal and therefore equally worthy of reverence – the world is beautiful no matter what state is in and one sees no need to judge or define. On the other, the spirit sees potential for expansion and is not satisfied with passivity. Life is important and it should be pursued passionately through the highs and the lows. There’s definitely some friction that is felt within the person relative to these things. One is a passive victim but the victimhood is not void of meaning. There’s an optimist that lives within and it insist on adopting a casual attitude. The person craves constant movement and stimulation; they won’t sit around and dwell for long. There’s more to discover and find beyond the horizon. Having a good time and engaging in exciting activities is a must with a Sagittarius Moon – there must be something to look forward to, there has to be plans for trips, events or future happenings. With this combo, the person is prone to live in their bubble – to emotionally latch on to things and crave stimulation. It could easily be taken overboard if there’s no inner factor that works for caution and restriction. The person would want to take a large mouthpiece of life, to devour it with arrogance yet looking a bit zoned out while it’s all carried out. In general, Pisces Suns could benefit for surrounding themselves with more fixed or cardinal individuals to ground them and provide direction occasionally since they tend to plunge the emotional depths quite often. That being said, Pisces is really the sign that contains everything and is too mutable to get to. This is a great strength as much as it’s a great weakness. If one is can learn accommodate for separateness and unity at the same time one is on the right track.

(Buy products with my art)

Pisces Sun – Pisces Moon

The person is the embodiment of a lucid dream. Looking into their eyes would be like looking into a deep well. Things are moving in the depths, they shift from dark to light yet one can see a mirrored image of the clouds in the sky on surface because it’s so reflective. There’s gentleness and softness and naiveté to the person, but somehow the thick mists of something else comes through. There’s unpredictability and a subtle uncertainty about the person. “Such a sweet person can’t hurt a fly” some would say, and ultimately they would be right – in a dream scape nothing can really be hurt because nothing is real. However, in a dream that feels very real to many people (physical reality), it is possible to experience real pain. This is where this person can cause real harm because they seek to merge. Sometimes it’s not the overt confrontations that are the most deadly, it’s the suffocating enmeshment labeled “love” that can passively and aggressively drown people out. A lot of covertly violent behavior can be justified through the Piscean lens although it’s usually unconscious. On a more positive note, the connection to the personal and collective unconscious could translate into inspired works of art. The person could be skilled at accurately reflecting the emotions of the times and provide humanity with something that is helpful and insightful. The person might think of himself or herself as more of a channeling vessel and avoiding taking individual credit for things that flow through. The logic of this person might not be completely comprehensible to people with a predominant intellectual temperament, but that doesn’t mean that the person isn’t intelligent. Intelligence is not exclusively reserved to the intellect. The intuitive abilities are likely very strong and they could be extremely informative and rich in value. One should be aware of confusing fantasies, feelings and projections with real intuitive guidance though. There’s likely to be a progression in navigating the emotional realm over time. Learning what to trust could be difficult, but the more the person self-actualizes throughout life, the surer one becomes. World-weariness and a longing for something ultimately true could prevail throughout life. There’s a feeling of having come to an end after many lifetimes, and one might finally be able to let go of all attachments to existence. 

Pisces Sun – Gemini Moon

The emotional nature craves interaction with the environment. Without being able to engage in an intellectual exchange the person feels dissatisfied and unfulfilled. Having the opportunity to have fun and communicate with people is what lies at the core of the person’s emotional well-being. Mentally stimulating subjects or people are high up on the priority list whether the person knows it or not. The best solution to emotional discomfort according to the person could be to just change the subject, distract oneself or hang out with others to avoid being alone and isolated. Mental movement is what the person thinks keeps them afloat, but it’s really just an avoidance tactic. Over time the person would hopefully learn to be comfortable with solitude. The overall personality is quite receptive and absorbing which makes overload a likely situation. The person might try to cope by rationalizing and intellectualizing experiences, but with a Pisces Sun, it won’t work. The person’s path of individuation is supposed to go in the direction of feeling, of empathy and a genuine appreciation of all of life. This might prove a bit contradictory to the intellectual temperament, which is inclined to live life through keeping active and occupied with playing little tricks and making little jokes. The person’s emotional nature is the personification of a “naughty teenager” – too young to have any moral compass yet is fully capable to using the mind to get what they want. The double mutable combo makes it difficult for the person to define himself or herself definitely; life is movement, whether it’s mental or emotional. Life is not only in constant fluctuation, it is also double-sided and multi faceted. The person might have many faces within to choose from. Closeness could be a dilemma since the emotional nature is a bit wary of permanent binds that can grow stagnant while the path of self-actualization calls for intimacy and unconditional love. The conscious identity might claim that “I see myself in you and I want to be with you”, while the more unconscious lunar needs might recoil from the statement and find it too sentimental. The person might experience a dynamic where the more romantic identity is constantly criticized by an inner voice of sarcasm a wit. This could be very frustrating. In general, the person is very sensitive to the words of others in particular and the thoughts that run through the mind.

Pisces Sun – Taurus Moon

This combo produces a serene and deep personality. The basic needs revolve around being able to control one’s physical environment, to create comfort and sensory satisfaction for oneself. Being a good and solid physical entity in the world is what the person craves emotionally. Personality wise, the person is a dreamer, a soul before a body, and a soul before a thought. One might not derive a sense of self from one’s material welfare or stability, but it is certainly a pressing need in the person’s life. Identity wise, the person is quite passive as is characteristic of Pisces, but this doesn’t mean that he or she is weak. There’s a romanticism and idealism to the person that has an enchanting effect on the environment – people are drawn to the sweetness and innocence of the intangible that the person represents. A Taurus Moon loves to feel attractive, maybe not for their emotions but for their body and physical presence. Never the less it works well on both levels. Taurus likes to be in control of value and Pisces appreciates anything remotely close to an epic love encounter. The person is likely very sensual and feminine. There would be a stubborn streak imbedded in the adaptable and receptive personality, a need to live a simple but an honest life with integrity. This might work well with the path of self-actualization if the person can allow themselves to lean on others sometimes and not carry the load of living all by themselves. Instinctively, there’s the tendency to take control and be possessive and demonstrative. It’s wise to let intuition be one’s guide occasionally and not get blinded by routine. The art that this person should develop is to shift and change without fear, to allow for unscheduled breakthroughs and breakdowns and roll with them. It might make the person uncomfortable, but it is necessary to not get stuck in resistance. Too strong of an identification with the body and tangible reality could make the person cut off from the psychic realm and one might have to consciously work on opening up one’s eyes to the richness of the unconscious. On the flip side, too much identification with the psychic realm could make the person indifferent to instinctual needs and prone to gloss over the importance of physical safety.

Pisces Sun – Leo Moon

The instinctual nature is bold, dramatic and attention seeking. There’s a lot of energy to the emotional nature that doesn’t escape anyone’s notice. Pride and stubbornness could show up occasionally when the mood hits, otherwise the emotions are warm and inclusive. Everyone should be invested in one’s emotional happenings, in this person’s opinion, but it is rarely the case so the last resort is to demand attention. The person will feel very uncomfortable in his or her emotional displays because it is not what is sought or idealized. The identity is thriving of off embodying the undifferentiated, the background to the foreground. It’s a passive identity that stems from seeing the whole in the limited and loving the limited just as much as the whole. The egocentric drama of the emotional nature is too bold and dominant for the Piscean identity, it’s out of place and incongruent with the path of individuation. The personal needs are, however, not able to change or compromise. They’re impossible to suppress or reject without making the whole individual suffer, which is why the loving attitude of a Pisces Sun will have to accommodate for the need to stir things up, exaggerate and create a fuss around the emotional fluctuations. Emotions are very personal to this individual – preferably, the world should revolve around them. It’s important to develop a mature sense of self since the emotional nature will remain the equivalent of a child with a god complex that likes to boast about personal talents and skills. With detachment and compassion one can parent one’s emotional needs and give them healthy outlets. This combo lends itself to creativity, romance and artistry – perhaps even showmanship. The person craves entertainment and it would be a great way to satisfy the Piscean preference for fantasy and other-worldliness. One should be aware of the proclivity to use play and enjoyment as an escape – overindulging is never a good idea. That being said, it’s ok to live through one’s creations and be guided through inspiration. Beautiful creations that are emotionally and energetically potent could emanate if there’s enough room in the person’s life for spontaneity and feeling.

Pisces Sun – Scorpio Moon

The identity is striving toward transcendence and divine bliss. It’s a private and personal journey undoubtedly, the Scorpio nature has a strong self-focus of protection which would serve to isolate the person somewhat. Shutting the blinders to the world and retreating into an inner cave is what this person would prefer to do. The world might seem tough and inhospitable, yet it is loved immensely because one can’t bear to invest in fear over “God”. However, on a more unconscious, emotional level, there’s nothing that doesn’t justify attack to this person. The instinctual nature is quite primitive in it’s expression and might demand control. If the person isn’t aware of this side of themselves, the instinctual needs of power might disguise itself as a honorable quest for peace when it’s really just about achieving immunity to life. A Scorpio Moon is never invested in something out of purely altruistic motives – the fear of being used, abused and deceived is too great. This fear compels them to want to get the upper hand by “decoding” the complexity of reality, to see through the façade of innocence as to uncover the dirt underneath. No one is fully trusted which might cause him or her to turn to life (God, the universe, the divine) itself as an abstract source for comfort. A Pisces Sun has a predominately romantic outlook on life, whereas the Scorpio Moon leans in the direction of suspicion and apprehension. Emotional overwhelm is not unlikely but rather than it being wholly used for surrender it would could act as fuel for resentment and hatred. The person is likely to have little patience with ignorant and thoughtless people who think they have the “right” to behave however they want. There’s something ruthlessness about the person that might not surface until there’s actual danger present. There’s immense bravery and cold-headedness in crises. Outside of situations that require immediate action there’s a sweet personality that can be a bit shy, introverted and appreciative of solitude. There’s a great capacity for emotional endurance and resiliency that shouldn’t be underestimated. There’s dedication and seriousness to the lofty quest for eternity and love.

Pisces Sun – Aquarius Moon

There’s a whole other world outside of convention, and this is where this person can be found – up in the clouds and down in the depths of the ocean. What the mundane and human has to offer is not really worth much in and of itself, it’s nice to look upon as a phenomenon, but it’s not what is ultimately treasured. There can be appreciation for the mundane, but only in the light of a higher quest. Everything is divine creation and life is beautiful, but it can also feel like physical life is an exile from perfection and a separation from an original source. Emotionally, there’s a kind of general intimacy that is felt with the human condition. Everyone goes through the same thing more or less and the shared experience is beautiful – with sufficient analysis and understanding of one’s needs there’s nothing that can’t be overcome and used as raw material for progression. Feelings are abstract with this person and are not used for the purpose of creating an identity. Paradoxically, the instinct is quite intellectual and feelings are processed from the standpoint of a mental ideal rather than expressed with the backing of identity. The person can come off as cool and detached while delivering all sorts of preachy speech about how things ought to be, ideally. There’s little room for imperfection, and even if there are imperfections they are coolly understood from a distance. The mental plane is never personal, although it accommodates for the personal. The overall path of individuation is trailed with the longing for redemption. The instinct would be to look to society and people to find where things might have gone wrong, but one should take care as to not blindly choose a scapegoat or be too quick to judge something as bad just because it doesn’t fit with one’s idea of bliss. The person has a lot of compassion and love to offer, but it might be done from a more global identification rather than a personal one. The person would definitely be more comfortable on a general level rather than a personal and intimate level. However, even if love is expressed in person, it’s a universal love that is more of a symbol than actual feeling. The person might find that emotions are creating moods that color the person’s whole reality. They’re more like big waves than little tides and there’s no choice but to surrender to them and navigating from a space of allowing. Fighting won’t do this person any good and there’s probably an intuitive knowing that this is the case.

Pisces Sun – Capricorn Moon

There’s something very calming about this combo, even though it will have it’s stressors and overwhelms. The person is self-actualizing through loosing the rigid boundaries of the ego structure and being intuitively guided through life without imposing a separate sense of self. This doesn’t come without it’s challenges because if there’s ego left, there will be the perception of having to make sacrifices in the name of love and overall goodness. However, there’s the potential for being led through life seamlessly if conscious surrender can be achieved, without there being any hate directed at physical and psychic boundaries. In truth, the limited that appears in the unlimited is not really limited at all. Even though there’s receptiveness and softness to the personal identity, the emotional nature is quite restrained. There’s pressure to perform and live up to one’s potential, there’s a demand for conformity and duty, to provide something concrete and estimable in spite of innate insufficiencies. The person has an inner disciplinarian that won’t allow for complete satisfaction – ever. There’s futility embedded in the person’s temperament, a kind of pessimism that seeks to be cured through ambition. Human existence is a pitiful thing to behold; it presents a lose-lose scenario that points to the development of character as the only hope of redemption. The person is essentially put between a rock and a hard place – to try and or give up and lose the self to cynicism. Emotions are habitually suppressed with a Capricorn Moon, which causes them to come out in uncontrollable bursts or through bodily symptoms. The skepticism and selfishness of the inner temperament is just as much a recipe for societal success as it is for unhappiness. “I only do what will bring me status” is the dark side of this Moon. The tendency of Pisces to play the victim could play in to this dynamic and make it a toxic cocktail. To play on the heartstrings of people while carrying out purely self-serving actions could serve to reach the height of manipulation. The task is to dismantle the shame around failure and face the emotions of weakness. The ambitious strivings might never go away, but they can serve to honor the self instead of compensating for the self.

Pisces Sun – Aries Moon

Summarized in one statement, this person would be “the impulsive dreamer”. There’s a warrior spirit living inside the personality of a mystic. Needless to say, the incompatibility of these energies could be felt quite strongly. There’s a thick and bittersweet romanticism to the identity, world-weariness and a longing for relief from the burdens of life. There’s nothing more to be done, there’s little desire accept to make oneself and others feel connected, if not merged. The person wants to blend with something that is unlimited, to taste a little bit of freedom through pushing the limits. There’s a fiery temper that needs to be let-out, and if one is not careful it might turn self-destructive. There’s a strong sense of self that lies at the core of the emotional nature and it needs to assert itself. However, the Piscean identity might not be up for honest confrontation and outbursts and flaming anger is not in the least bit empowering. However, the identity can learn to use the powerful emotions in creative ways. By acting powerless and at the mercy of one’s own temper it’s possible to identify as a victim, which fits the Piscean profile to a T. Alternatively, one could use the warrior spirit to be a savior and a hero in other people’s lives, which fits the Pisces personality equally well. One should beware that one has a lot of energy and take care as to how it is discharged. This combo has the potential for love that is demonstrative and assertive, but there’s always the risk of blurring the lines between assertion and aggression – especially with a Piscean identity. Cruelty can be mercy, and mercy can be cruelty, what is what can be a little bit unclear. The Arien instinct is to act fast and impulsively, which might cause damage. The person is then pressed to restore the identification of innocence, shattered by the violent and “immature” behavior that was let out, unwillingly. In an attempt to do this there could be all sorts of manipulative blame shifting and justifications taking place. Instead of coping with it like this it is wise to own one’s potent emotions and recognize their power. An Aries Moon is not bad, although it’s quite direct, and the identity will have to accommodate for the more anti-social aspects of the feeling nature. Disruption doesn’t have to contradict harmony; it is sometimes just as healthy as passivity. Someone has to stir the pot and stand up for some kind of ideal even if it’s uncomfortable.

Pisces Sun – Cancer Moon

There’s a strong proclivity to shut the world out and get everything done from inside of one’s own private sphere. The intangible is familiar to this person and it’s equally real as anything else. There could be a lot of fear circling the person’s unconscious and conscious mind, intrusive thoughts and emotions could arise spontaneously and threaten to overwhelm the being. On one level the person is ok with being at the mercy of something bigger but on another there’s a deep need for protection against the unconscious. The wiser the person gets, the more value can be found in flowing with the tides. However, with an undeveloped ego it might be too much to navigate the experiences. This is why it’s very important to develop a separate self within the all-encompassing self, or connect to the all-encompassing within the little self. If this is done, there’s nothing to be feared anymore and one can live life to the fullest. The person’s emotions are the embodiment of a woman on her period (and this analogy applies to men as well). Irrational worries, cravings for specific things, hot and cold moods, clinginess and passive aggressiveness, and the list go on. Sudden exclamations of love could be followed by resentment and anxiety. However, there’s a capacity for offering unconditional care and empathy. There’s an instinctual understanding of emotional and physical needs while the conscious identity is more idealistic and romantic. Love is divine, not primal in the person’s eyes – yet the pull to have a physical home and the whole package of safety seems too be too pressing to ignore. It’s impossible to sacrifice everything for love – certain unconscious forces crave personal satisfaction and personal belonging. It is not enough to feel one with the universe or God. The Cancer Moon might instinctively want a home and a familial context to be satisfied and it could work well with the Piscean ideal and romanticism. The difficulty might lie in the effort it takes and the imperfections that come with the burdens of family life. The martyr complex might develop which might turn very toxic. The truth is that the person has enough to deal with regulating their own emotions and escapist tendencies. Individual strength is a necessary evil; it takes a lot of work for this person.

Pisces Sun – Libra Moon

There’s a strong focus on other people with this combo. Emotionally, there’s a thirst for balanced relationships, which causes an enhanced focus on what is happening with other people – what they’re doing and what they’re thinking. Appreciation of others comes naturally and is nothing the person has to work on. This being said, there’s a risk of desiring a world where everything is meticulously designed and perfected – which is bound to end up in disappointment. Nothing can really measure up to the standard that this person has set – it’s too fantastical. The divine could be sought through partnerships because the personal instinct is to navigate life through others. The path of self-actualization lies in the mystical quest for unity. Combining the two, one ends up with a person that is extremely idealistic and dependent on others to carry the self to new heights. The person can’t be without beauty; this is the most important component in life. To balance and adjust the atmosphere to suit one’s preferences is a constant work in progress. The restlessness and frustration that stems from not being able to make things be as one wants them to might not sit well with the Piscean identity. The divine essence shines through in everything, but the Libran perspective thinks that the divine is reached through modification and adjustment. Libra is the sign of the Arts, and art is form, first and foremost. The Piscean identity might claim that everything is art because nothing stands apart from the sublime source. Accepting everything as it is, is not an option for this person, even if the conscious identity might want it to be. Instinctually and unconsciously the person needs the new clothes, the pretty cake and the right music. Not to forget a socially estimable partner to cling to. Although the more instinctual needs are this superficial, the path of individuation is to see beyond form, to feel the aliveness within everything and merge with it yet remain separate without feeling disconnection from the greater Self. Life is an ongoing dance, yet it stands perfectly still at the same time. It’s fine to seek satisfaction in beauty, because it is not the ultimate, but it is expressed through it - as it is expressed through everything in existence.

[batsandbugs]

Daminette December

A/N: Okay so this one spiraled out of control a little bit, but I’m so happy with how it turned out! Marinette and Damian back to being chaotic little shits, Marinette being understanding, and Damian going a little too far but finding the one person who doesn’t mind. Let me know what y’all think. Thanks @daminette-december2019-2020​

Daminette December Day 15 – Cats

If you had told Marinette back in May that by Christmas she would be living in the most crime-infested city in America going to college, working at a pet store that was most likely a front for the Russian mob, and trying to unravel a 300-year-old curse on said crime-infested-city…

… she would have believed you.

After all, it wasn’t the weirdest thing that had ever happened to her.

But back to the pet store.

There she was a week before Christmas living in a shoebox apartment, drowning in fabric and notions, with a magical box filled with tiny gods who loved to squabble and give conflicting vague advice. They were supposed to work on how to break the giant magical curse laid out across the city, but Marinette had gotten hired at the local pet store down the street because if she spent one more minute sequestered inside trying to decipher the handwriting of centuries-old monks, without a break, she would scream.

Plus, the animals were ridiculously cute and the current owner obviously had no clue how to take care of them – which is how she concluded the store was a money-laundering front. The owner, a Mr. Petriov, had known her for all of three days before leaving her to manage the shop by herself. That hadn’t changed much in the month she had worked here, but at least the animals were in better shape now and she had a slightly larger budget for the endless amount of coffee she drank.

Marinette swept the back of the room, trying to make sure it was as clean as she could get it. Despite her best efforts at trying to cheer the place up, the plastic Christmas decorations and lively music did little to distract from the poor living conditions of the animals. Marinette wished there was some way to help, but she was rather limited in her options in a foreign city and Plagg’s suggestions of stealing all the animals and burning the place down was not a viable one.

No matter how much Marinette wanted to sometimes.

The store bell rang.

“I’ll be with you in just a moment,” she called. She finished sweeping the last of the room, before putting the broom away, and coming out to the main part of the store. “Hi there, I’m Marinette, how can I-”

“Did you know that Gotham Department of Health and Safety Regulations, Section 45: Animals and Livestock, subsection C.1: Living conditions, states that cages for cats must be 30 inches in width, 28 inches in length, 30 inches in height, and 30 inches on the diagonal? And that yours do not match those specifications?” There in the center of the store stood a man about her age. He was dressed head to toe in black, with a long, expensive, looking coat billowed out behind him. His voice was posh and smooth, and his tone could cut glass. He looked around the store in thinly veiled disgust.

Marinette vaguely recognized him. He’d been in the store about two weeks ago. He hadn’t said anything when she asked if he needed help. He just went around to all the cages watching the animals through the bars. She had gone about her normal routine, and then he left a little while later. The only reason she remembered him at all was he was wearing the same designer coat with wool Marinette’s hands itched to get a hold of.  

“I- I did not. Although, this is not my store.” The man glared at her, and had Marinette not been used to a lifetime of truly piercing glares from Chloe, she might have crumbled underneath it. “I’ve only been working here for a month and let me tell you it’s better than it was before.”

“These conditions are intolerable.”

Marinette usually kept a cool façade with the few customers who came in here, but this man was obviously looking for a fight; not that she didn’t completely agree with him.

“I’m well aware, but I’m doing the best with what I have here, especially since my boss doesn’t care.” One of the cats mewled loudly, and Marinette sighed. She knew exactly who that was. Walking over to one of the cages she opened it up. A tiny grey cat with tipped black ears and paws jumped into her arms. Marinette had named him Macaroon since Mr. Petriov hadn’t bothered to give any of them names.

“Sorry,” she said. “Macaroon likes attention, and he’s good with people so I bring him out when others come in to pet them.” The man came over and let the cat sniff his hand before scratching under the his chin.

“He looks well taken care of,” he complimented, although he still scowled. Marinette couldn’t help but think he would be much more handsome if he smiled.  

“As I said, I try my best. I take them all out of their cages so they can stretch their legs, and not just the dogs either. But that’s whenever I’m not cleaning, or prepping food, or taking care of the paperwork.” Or at home trying to figure out how to banish a city-wide curse, Marinette thought to herself.

The man hummed. “Look, you seem… nice.” He said the word in such a way that implied he didn’t believe the concept existed. “So, I’ll let you know ahead of time, but this store is going to get raided tomorrow. It’s a-”

“Front for the Russian Mob?” Marinette finished. The man seemed taken aback and immediately glared at her again. “Yeah, I figured that out within a few days of working here. I just had no clue as to who to go to about it. Who’s going to help a tiny French girl about a corrupt business in a city known for corruption?” She raised an eyebrow at the man who seemed taken aback by her abruptness.

“Fair point. So why are you working here then? If you know it’s corrupt.”

Marinette sighed; it was true she had plenty else to be doing, school was over for the semester sure, but there was always magic to learn, or sites to go check out to see if they were connected to the curse, or she could have gone home for the break and visited her parents, but…

If she did any of that, no one would be here to look out for the animals. And just because she couldn’t actively be a hero, didn’t mean she was going to turn up her back on those who needed her, even if they were of the four-legged variety.

She looked back at the handsome man; how could she explain any of that to him.

… not that she should.

Because that would be bad.

She didn’t know him at all.

Even if he was ridiculously good looking.

Fuck. 

She did not have the time to get caught up in anything else, especially not a crush.

So instead, she went with a mostly true answer. “Just because the people running the store are bad, doesn’t mean the animals are. I would come by here on my way from school and would want to let the poor things out of their cages. So, when I finally had enough time, I applied for a job.” The look on the man’s face was a cross between surprise and understanding. “And you’d want to do something else too if the last three months all you did was stare at miles of hand-sewn hems and contemplate if death would be kinder.”

Marinette bet the man would deny it if pointed out, but the side of his mouth turned up at her comment.

“Understandable.”

“My question is,” she asked, stroking Macaroon who was happily purring away in her arms. “Why would you tell the person working at the Russian mob front that you’re going to have the store raided the next day? Doesn’t that seem a little counter-productive?” Not that Marinette was in any way complaining, she had been waiting for an opportunity like this for weeks.

“It depends on whether you tell your boss or not.”

“Hell no.”

Finally, the man’s face morphed from a resting scowl into a self-satisfied smirk.

Oh no, he’s even hotter like that, Marinette thought.  

“Then I think telling was exactly the right idea. You’ll need to give a statement to the department doing the raid, but you won’t be in trouble for anything that went down here.”

Marinette nodded, and then remembered something. “Would pictures help?”

“Pictures?”

“I’ve been taking pictures of all the documents that come through the front desk. The legitimate ones and the less legitimate ones. It’s only about a month’s worth of stuff, but I have it on a flash drive.”

The man’s smirk grew a bit more. “Yes, I do believe that would be useful.”

Marinette smiled, finally glad this place would get shut down, but then she looked at Macaroon so snuggly in her arms, and all the other lovely creatures throughout the store came to mind. “And the animals, will they be okay?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t allow anything to happen to them. They’ll all be going to reputable shelters or good homes through the Wayne Foundation.”

Marinette readjusted Macaroon in her arms. “That’s good. So, should I bring the flash drive when I give my statement or-”

“I can take it,” he said quickly. “I mean,” he cleared his throat. “You can give it to me, and I can hand it off to the… proper authorities.” The glint in his eye spelled trouble. Marinette thought it was completely unfair how attractive she found it.  

“It’s in my apartment. My shift is only another hour, but….” She thought about her mess of an apartment covered in yards of fabric, questionable ancient artifacts, and the tiny floating talking gods. “It’s a bit of a mess, how about we meet elsewhere?”

“Yes,” the man responded quickly. He looked down at Macaroon and stroked the cat’s back, a light blush playing out over his cheeks. “Of course, that would be acceptable.”

“Coffee then?” asked Marinette, glad to have a little longer to chat with him.

“Sounds good. Inman Perk at 7th and Forge Street?”

“I love that place. I’m Marinette by the way, I think I said that.”

The man smirked again, “You did, but it’s nice to hear it. I’m Damian, Damian Wayne.”

“I’d shake your hand Damian, but my arms are a little full.” She readjusted Macaroon, moving over to his cage placing the content cat back inside. Marinette smiled, happy to know this would be the last night the animals would have to sleep in these too-small cages. She turned back to Damian and offered her hand.

“I’m looking forward to working with you, Mr. Wayne,” she said with a grin.

He clasped his hand with hers, and she delighted at the chill it sent up her spine. “Not nearly as much as I am with you, Ms. Dupain-Cheng.”

Marinette paused for a moment, “I don’t think I ever gave you my last name?”

Damian paused, his face of a person caught with their hand in a cookie jar. “I may, perhaps, have done a slight background check on you before I decided to confront you today.” He retreated his hands and clasped them behind his back. “Uh, I- I apologize if that comes off a little…” he trailed off.

“Invasive, creepy, overbearing?”

Damian’s face fell. “Yes.”

Marinette tried hard to hold in her smirk. “Or protective, concerned, over-invested? I’ve had friends like that before.” Thinking particularly of Kagami, or her own actions towards Adrian during those early years. “It’s a little much, but not so bad especially when confronting someone who may be part of the Russian mob.”

Damian’s face went from contrite to an all-out grinning smirk. “You? Part of the mob? A little hard to believe.”

“Oh, you never know”’ she teased back. “I think I could pull it off, no one ever expects the tiny French girl.”

A bark from the back of the store interrupted their flirting, soon all of the dogs were barking, and Marinette realized the time.

“I’ve got to get them all taken out and fed. I’ll be finished in about an hour, I’ll grab the stuff from my apartment and meet you at… 8:30?”

Damian nodded. “Of course, see you there.” And with that he turned on his heel and walked out of the store, his long coat billowing like a cape behind him. Marinette watched him disappear from view and waited a second before she punched the air. She couldn’t wait. She kneeled back down at the cage and scratched Macaroon’s chin.

“Thanks for being such a good luck charm.” The cat purred back happily. Marinette headed off to finish what she needed to get done, wondering what the heck she was going to wear.

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