#I could have gone into a line-by-line breakdown of how and why these songs relate to these characters so be grateful I only went this far!!!

[ehlnofay]

tagged by @wispstalk to list five songs that remind me of my characters. this is a query that is perfect for me and also cruel and spiteful, because I have so many songs for all of my characters, complete with detailed analysis of which elements of their story the song is about and a video that plays in my head while I listen. the process of narrowing it down to five is the most harrowing thing I’ve experienced in all my life. and in the end the selection was not perfect. (there are other songs and bands I would have liked to include. alas.) in any case:

1. Metaphor by The Crane Wives

if arabella had a theme song, this would be it. the whole air of it is so perfect for her, the relationship it describes to language and communicating with people in general... it’s so. ugh. she DOES cut her teeth on secondhand sentiments. all these words ARE sweet and meaningless. you CAN’T trust a single thing she says!!

2. Second Child, Restless Child by The Oh Hellos

I love the oh hellos but it is not common for their music to make me think of my fictional medias; I am not sure why. this song however is the exception because it makes me think SO fully and completely of efri. so very and utterly. like she is restless and in my head her nickname is a nordic word alluding to being a younger child. it’s right there in the title before you even get to the lyrics about running far from all you’ve ever known. besides the song is the same age as her, which is neat, and also every time I listen to it I can see her dancing in my head. (she’s not a very good dancer, but she is enthusiastic!)

3: Dlora Yelps by Don’t

the music that reminds me of caelestis is unusually varied, which is very fun and also made picking one of zir songs very difficult. I chose this one because it was a musical niche that I didn’t have elsewhere on the list. this one to me is about caelestis and nerevar and the interplay between them; the dynamic between a guy and his maybe-partially-probably reincarnation is bound to be a weird one, metaphysically and emotionally, so that’s very interesting to me, and how ELSE am I supposed to interpret “I’m born once more / watered by the dewy dawns / and ankle deep in coupled thought”?

4: Secret Worlds by The Amazing Devil

there’s a number of TAD songs that make me think of pax, but this one has got to be the strongest. (martin’s there too, in the conversation of this song, and in the mind video. as a treat.) it so powerfully makes me think of them and their attitude to their role, and eventually the gorgeous way it all crashed and burned, that I incorporated it into an artwork I did some time ago (and have loose plans on doing it again.)

5: Ask Me Anything by S.J. Tucker

this isn’t technically my character... but, yes, it is. this song reminds me of my reimagining of sheogorath and how it relates to people to such a ludicrous extent that it in some small part inspired my short story Comfort. (the idea for that story lurked in my head for months, with several false starts playing around with different angles, before one day I was walking home listening to that song and it captured the sense of sheogorath’s attitude to its most favouritest random people so well that I started drafting stuff as soon as I got to my laptop. I get a lot of my story ideas listening to songs that make me think of them. it’s a delight.)

[burnt-tortellini]

Phillip Graves is cursed forever to sleep on a twin sized mattress (feat. soap)

aka line by line breakdown of twin size mattress by the front bottoms and how it relates to gravesoap because i made a joke about it on tiktok and i cant sleep

“this is for the lions living in the wiry broke down frames//of my friends bodies”

a key part of being in a non private military is that the people you’re surrounded with are literally stripped down to being a fighter and to their aggression and how good they are at killing people. having a genuine connection with anyone is hard when basic/SAS training guts you of most of your personality when youre on the job. the 141 in general are good examples of people who slip through the cracks but other examples of people who arent like that that theyre around is people who are part of pmcs like the shadow company who dont have SAS training exactly.

“when the flood water comes it aint gonna be clear//its gonna look like mud//but i will help you swim i will help you swim//im gonna help you swim”

one of the reasons i hc soap putting up with graves’ toxic behaviour is because he sees his past self in him. he sees the internalised homophobia and the self hatred and he wants to help because he knows from experience exactly whats coming, what itll look like and what he wished he had when he was going through it.

“this is for the snakes and the people they bite//for the friends ive made for the sleepless nights//for the warning signs ive completely ignored”

soaps aware hes getting hurt, hes aware that the most graves will let them be seen as is really close friends but hes also aware of the night hes spent lying awake wondering why he went back to graves’ room knowing hes wake up in his anyway. hes seen the warning signs and they are yet to stop him

“its no big surprise you turned out this way//when they closed thier eyes and prayed you would change//and they cut your hair and sent you away”

soap understands why graves is like this, he might not have grown up in southern America but he’s no stranger to the Christian culture surrounding being queer. the military is often seen as an escape from society or the people in your community, they might not have sent him away as such but they definitely pushed him in that direction

“you stopped by my house the night you escaped//with tears in my eyes i begged you to stay//you said ‘hey man, i love you, but no fucking way!’”

while graves’ betrayal was a complete shock to soap i think they both fantasise about what couldve happened if graves told soap beforehand. i personally think that if canon compliant graves ever did confess it was the night before he betrayed them because he knew it would be the last time

“im sure that we could find something for you to do on stage//maybe shake a tambourine or when i sing, you sing harmonies”

in an AU where soap finds out about the betrayal before it happens i think he would try and convince graves to stay and try to carve out a place for him in the 141 so he could switch sides despite them both knowing its not feasible

“it should’ve felt good but i can hear the jaws theme song//on repeat in that back of my mind”

in the lead up to the betrayal i think soap realised something was wrong, graves was making the most of their time together and trying to appreciate what they had while they had it but soap could sense something was wrong even though graves kept denying it

“make sure you kiss your knuckles before you punch me in the face//there are lessons to be learned//consequences for all the stupid things i say”

graves knows that soaps gonna be pissed, he knows hes ruined it and worst of all he knows that the anger soap shows him will he more emotion than graves ever gave him back

“and it is not big surprise you turned out this way//the spark in your eyes, the look on your face//i will not be blamed”

whatever soap thought he saw in graves is gone the second he betrays them. and then it hits him that this was always what was going to happen, this was always the plan and it kill him because he had to convince everyone (cough ghost cough) that they could trust him and he was wrong. thats gonna leave a stain on his reputation

“i wanna contribute to the chaos//i dont wanna watch and then complain//cause i am through with finding blame//that is a decision that i have made”

soap has a bit of a moment after the betrayal where he decides he either wants to never so much look at a man again or just become THE worst person ever when it comes to dating

“she hopes im cursed forever//to sleep on a twin-sized mattress//in somebody’s attic or basement my whole life//never graduating up in size to add another//and my nightmares will have nightmares every night”

soap is PRAYINGG for thjs mans downfall

[maeve-is-annoying-about-books]

Light From Uncommon Stars, June

Oh Tamiko...

As a content warning, I'm going to end up talking about self-harm. You can come back at the line below if you're uncomfortable with this topic.

I got to have a bit of a bitter laugh at Ellen's reaction to Tamiko's cutting. It rings so harshly true to the experience. Here is a girl who is wounded, she is openly bleeding in front of her teacher. And all that instructor can say in return is a comment on how other people will see the scars when she plays. It's so casually callous to the core issue and only serves to expound it. Seriously, I would call it comedic how little attention is paid to open wounds of self harm, if I hadn't experienced this exact kind of behavior first-hand.

Compare this to Shizuka, who listens to Katrina's outpourings. Nothing is related back to how she plays or how it debilitates her successes or is unseemly. Katrina's pain is taken as-is. I like that Shizuka offers nothing but a comforting meal, it's exactly what her student needs. And Grandma's Lieu's reaction is my own, smiling at the family next door.

~~~

Welcome back to the preparations of the Classically Camellia Showcase. It's no competition. In reality it's just a dinky little thing, but it is a stage. And both Katrina and Tamiko have a voice to share now. The video game song that Shizuka ornamented just for her student is a very special touch, once again she's gone out of her way to get Katrina to bloom. Compare this to Tamiko who wants more than anything to be hewn like a stone int the shape of Kiana Choi.

To that end, we also have a new dress! Like after a de-stressing Cinnabon. Ever more hints this book knows me too well, donuts and Cinnabons are my all-time favorite confections. Gosh I want a donut with my tea now so badly—

Ahem. Yes, dress-shopping. Shizuka's take-no-shit attitude is so refreshing. I can see in my mind how many people would tend to call her bitchy but let's not get into the entirety of how woman characters get scrutinized for being direct. I'll be here for hours complaining about the term "bitchy" alone. She's harsh with others and their preconceptions, I like how out-of-the question Katrina wearing boy clothes is to her. Because she knows it's not actually what her student wants, she's being socially pressured into doing so. Her clear distaste for the people who deride her student is clear, and she's right. She sees the woman within that everyone else is willing to dismiss on whatever superficial evidence happens to catch their fancy. Shizuka has, of course, seen Katrina's soul, and is baffled that anyone could miss something so beautiful.

As for the store itself, I feel that it's easy to forget how refreshing something as simple as someone confirming your pronouns can be. Even if I use the boring she/her the act alone is like letting out a breath you didn't know you were holding. That you are in a place where you're safe. Where you don't have to look around before kissing your girlfriend. That you don't have to be on alert every time you hold her hand. The shop attendant provides precisely that sort of place.

There's something really special about places like these. Acceptance that allows you to feel at one with yourself. All so that you can finally ask why more people can't be like this. It's a simple thing, after all. It's free, it costs no energy. And yet it seems so hard to find these oases when and where you most need them. Like for your first dress, here.

The Endplague, to me, reads as a breakdown of all these things. It doesn't have to be the literal thing itself, I mean the idea of it. The idea that nothing matters, everything is absurd, and we're all going to die anyway so what's the point? What's the point of asking for someone's pronouns when they're going to be noting in so short a time? Why withhold any cruelty on your way to achieve your dream? Or stop and sniff a flower when the skies are falling? The Endplague is this existential feeling of nothing mattering. Entire civilizations who capitulate to the futility of it all. And it leaves me in Shizuka's boat on the matter, where's their music? Where were their stories to give that sort of meaning?

Just as it's interesting to see Lan's perspective of humans from the outside, it's fascinating to she galactic society from the eyes of a woman who knows that there's an eternal realm of suffering after this one. To her the end of the universe must mean the same thing as any other kind of death. She would simply just be in Hell. It's such an idealistic clash that makes it worth chewing on. Like an Olive Garden bread stick.

I wonder what Katrina is going to sing while onstage. With her violin, Aubergine.

[anothergolddustwoman]

After a complete lyrical breakdown here is my list no one asked for.

Songs from Red (Taylor’s Version) and which One Chicago couple I think they apply to. I added which lyrics reminded me of their relationship as either a whole or parts of it. The whole song might not actual apply just the specific line. Now my main ship is Brettsey therefore I can more easily apply lyrics to them.

Putting under the cut cause she long.

Feel free to add to it.

Some are very angsty so pre apologies.

State of Grace

Brettsey: "I never saw you comin'" "We learn to live with the pain"

Upstead: "I never saw you comin" "But this love is brave and wild"

Red

Burzek: The whole chorus The whole song

Treacherous

Stellaride: "I'll follow you, follow you home" See Stella following Kelly into the fire in 9x15.

I Almost Do

Brettsey: "And I wish I could run to you" Why do they have to be long distance?

Burzek: "In my dreams, you're touching my face And asking me if I wanna try again with you" Just let them get back together. They are angsty so I related them to angsty lyrics sorry.

Stay Stay Stay

Brettsey: The whole song except for like the first couple lines.

Stellaride: "I just like hanging out with you all the time"

Upstead: "Who took all of their problems out on me, But you carry my groceries and now I'm always laughing." Ope got all angsty again.

The Last Time

Burzek: "Find myself at your door just like all those times before" Adam always showing up at Kim's door for any reason.

Holy Ground

Brettsey: "But I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancing with you" I truly believe that Matt only dances with Sylvie.

Sad Beautiful Tragic

Brettsey: "And we both wake in loney beds, different cities." Had to throw in some angst for them too sorry.

Everything Has Changed

Brettsey: The whole song

Upstead: “All I knew this morning when I woke is I know something now I didn’t before” SCREAMS morning after their first kiss 8x4 and the whole song.

Burzek: Giving me early days vibes, but I can't really pin down any specific lyrics.

Starlight

Brettsey: “Ooh-ooh, we could get married Have ten kids and teach ‘em how to dream” this is very self indulgent of me as I want this to happen SO BAD.

I feel like everyone else could too cause its just a good happy song and when they are at the height of happiness they would be vibing with it. If that makes sense.

The Moment I Knew

OK PLEASE DONT HATE ME FOR THIS BUT I CANT GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD.

Burzek: “You should’ve been there Should’ve burst through the door With that “Baby, I’m right here” smile” I read this and only could think of last seasons finale and this seasons premiere with them IM SORRY.

Come Back...Be Here

BRETTSEY: I only think of them when I hear this song. You can’t convince me that Sylvie doesn’t scream this song when she is wine drunk missing Matt.

Message In A Bottle

Brettsey: All of this song.

Burzek: “‘Cause you could be the one that I love I could be the one that you dream of” “You could be the one that I keep, and I I could be the reason you can’t sleep at night”

Stellaride: “‘Cause now you’re so far away and I’m down” Only cause Stella is gone and Kelly might not really show it but he is very sad about it.

Run

I feel like this could apply to any one of them. I just can pin down anything.

The Very First Night

The very happy lovey lyrics I feel could also go with any of them when they are happy and in love.

Brettsey: “Im the one on the phone as you whisper “Do you know how much i miss you?”” HELLO they have said this at least once on the phone.

Stellaride: Same line. Kelly def has said this while Stella is away.

Upstead: Same line. Give me vibes from that phone call when Hailey was in New York with the FBI.

Taking nice criticisms.

[littlesmartart]

Now I’m curious, what songs do you aggressively assign to xiyao and 3zun? (Only somewhat related, have you ever heard the song “Heart of Stone” from the SIX soundtrack? Excluding one line (without my son your love would disappear), I feel very passionately that it is a Yanli talking about Zixuan song.)

under a cut because this got RIDICULOUSLY long haha

okay okay so XIYAO... first of all, let's get this tragic shit over and done with -

Burn from Hamilton (I drew a comic here)

Sympathy by Kyla La Grange is a guilty JGY reflecting on their relationship (A lead weight for your open palm / And a white shirt over your bloody heart / To think I thought I was all you are / I was missing from the start / Couldn't let you cradle my head or stay / Let you waste your wonderful words / In my sleep I circled your heart with red ink / When I woke you were already hurt)

Broken by Jake Bugg is Xichen towards the end of canon (For you have become / All I lost and all I hoped for / But I must carry on / Always one, never broken / Run to the lobby where I saw you try / Don't give a damn for your reasons why)

Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want, specifically the Muse cover because of how jarring and discordant it is, is JGY having his breakdown in the temple and cry-yelling at Xichen (Haven't had a dream in a long time / See, the life I've had / Can make a good man bad / So for once in my life / Let me get what I want / Lord knows, it would be the first time)

Mr Blue by Catherine Feeney being JGY at the end of canon because colour symbolism (Mr. Blue / I told you that I love you / Please believe me / Mr. Blue / I have to go now, darling / Don't be angry / I know that you're tired / Know that you're sore and sick and sad for some reason / So I leave you with a smile / Kiss you on the cheek / And you will call it treason)

aaaand then for some happy stuff because you know in any universe they'd be the soppiest most heart-eyes chin-hands motherfuckers at each other. I think that really you could apply a lot of [dreamy sigh] [lovesick smile] [deep yearning] ballads to them tbh?

Somethin' Stupid, and I'm going to recommend the Robbie version because that's the one I have and I legit like it so shut up. I think this would be mostly how everyone outside sees them - as two people who are being so weirdly anxious whilst also desperately embarrassingly and obviously mutually pining 🙄 (I know I'd stand in line / Until you think you have the time / To spend an evening with me / And if we go someplace to dance / I know that there's a chance / You won't be leaving with me / Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place / And have a drink or two / And then I go and spoil it all / By saying something stupid / Like I love you)

My Guy by Kele Okereke because it's just!!! so soppy and romantic and this cover was made specifically for an album of queer wedding songs called "Universal Love"!! (I've got sunshine on a cloudy day / When it's cold outside / I've got the month of May / Well I guess you'd say / What can make me feel this way? / My guy / I'm talkin' 'bout my guy)

Atlas: Two by Sleeping At Last - I found this song through a gorgeous Wangxian video but I think it works really really well for Xiyao too, because they also have that mutual Let Me Take Care Of You Forever Please love language (I know exactly how the rule goes / Put my mask on first / No, I don't want to talk about myself / Tell me where it hurts / I just want to build you up, build you up / 'Til you're good as new / And maybe one day, I'll get around / To fixing myself, too)

Yellow by Coldplay because that colour symbolism!! Xichen @ JGY (And your skin / Oh yeah, your skin and bones / Turn in to something beautiful / Do you know / For you, I'd bleed myself dry / For you, I'd bleed myself dry)

3zun is a little more complicated but I do have some!

Up In Flames by Coldplay with that sense of slow inevitable destruction (So it's over / This time you're flying on / This time I know no song / Can stop, its slowly burn / Can stop, it's slowly gone / Up in flames / Up in flames / Up in flames / We have slowly gone)

Safety Of Distance by Lior - this one is specifically about NieYao reconciling and 3zun coming back together, be that in a happier AU or in a fierce corpse AU post-canon (And all the colours will return to these hills / Where the dust of despair takes hold / One day they will drink from these now still waters / Where there's a will there's a road / It won't bring back lovers and friends, / But it might make for a happier end)

Coming Down by Halsey (I drew a comic here)

Gone Gone Gone by Phillip Phillips and this one is perhaps more Xichen @ NieYao than 3zun mutually, although in an AU where they've reconciled it work (When you fall like a statue / I'm gon' be there to catch you / Put you on your feet, you on your feet / And if your well is empty / Not a thing will prevent me / Tell me what you need / What do you need? / I surrender honestly / You've always done the same for me / So, I would do it for you, for you / Baby, I'm not movin' on / I'll love you long after you're gone)

Keep Moving by The Boxer Rebellion - a general sense of inevitability but clinging to each other in the time they have (One by one / I know we have seen some things / That could have torn us apart / Threaten what we have been / And I have asked myself / What could be more then this / And if you left me tomorrow / It is all I know I'd miss / But I know... / Keep moving with me now / Keep moving with me now / We have seen / The way its gonna be / The way its gonna be)

[sophsicle]

Chapter 26

The friendship of Lily Evans and Mary Macdonald began under a bed. Lily’s bed, to be exact. See, she’d been having a bad day. It was first year and everything was just…a little…much. She missed her mum and dad, back then she even missed Petunia, and Severus was there but he wasn’t there-there. He was in Slytherin. After the sorting Lily had briefly considered begging the hat to put her in Slytherin too. Especially after being placed in the same house as Black and Potter. There hadn’t been any posh kids at her old school but they were about as obnoxious and self-obsessed as she had expected. And Potter was so gaga for Gryffindor that she was certain it would be filled with people just like him.

In the end, however, Lily had not had the guts to ask anything of the sorting hat, so she had remained in Gryffindor. And mostly that had been okay—posh bespectacled prats aside. Her roommates were nice, her classes were fun, and she did rather like not living in a dungeon. But she was also…lonely. And out of place. And uncomfortable. There were so many things that the kids around her—even if they weren’t Purebloods—seemed to know, and it felt impossible trying to keep up with it all. Severus did his best to help her along but she could tell that he was sometimes a little bit embarrassed by her. That was the worst feeling honestly.

One afternoon, at the end of September, for no reason in particular, it had all just felt too much. So she’d crawled under her bed, trying to make the world smaller. Easier to manage. About fifteen minutes into her pity party Mary had walked in. Lily watched her feet, listened to the David Bowie song she hummed under her breath. Her and Mary had barely exchanged more than a few sentences but she was secretly Lily’s favourite roommate, if only because she was the one who reminded Lily the most of home. The posters she hung on the walls were all of people Lily recognized and they didn’t move or talk, plus, sometimes she would complain about things that Lily could relate to—like missing ballpoint pens and three-ringed binders.

She’s not sure, to this day, what compelled her to speak then. Surely the smart thing to do would have been to remain silent and hope that her new roommate wouldn’t notice her having a complete and utter mental breakdown. But being quiet had never been Lily’s strong suit.

“Do you have records?” she wondered out loud.

“Ah!” Mary shouted, her feet stumbling back into her bed. “Jesus Christ, Lily? Is that you?”

“It’s just that I’ve never seen you play any but you hum them all the time,” she said in lieu of an answer.

“Where the hell are you?” Mary demanded.

“At home I have a bunch of records but my mum wouldn’t let me bring them, she didn’t know how safe it would be here and she was worried they’d get stolen, not that Wizards are dying for Muggle music but, of course, she didn’t know that. Still doesn’t know, I suppose—“

“Lily,” Mary said harshly. “Did you get turned invisible or something?”

“What? Oh,” Lily blinked. “No, I’m not invisible.”

“Then why the hell can I hear you prattling on but there’s not a single freckle in my line of vision?”

Lily scowled up at the bottom of her bed. “I don’t have that many freckles.”

“Uh-huh and the Giant Squid doesn’t have that many legs.”

“Did you just—“

“Where are you?” she was beginning to sound genuinely exasperated, but to be honest, Lily quite liked being a disembodied voice. It was freeing

“I’m under here,” she said eventually, and with great reluctance.

“Under—oh honestly,” some shuffling later Mary was kneeling on the floor and peering at Lily under the bed.

What the hell are you doing, is what Lily expected her to say. If it had been Petunia “freak” might even have been thrown in there somewhere. But the thing about Mary—the beautiful, fantastic, brilliant thing about Mary—was that she never did what you were expecting.

“I see,” is what she actually said, before sliding under the bed to lie right alongside Lily. “What’s happened then? You and your boyfriend have a fight?”

“Boyfriend?” Lily repeated confused, and then; “Oh—OH—no. Sev isn’t—we aren’t—we’re just friends.” Though her face blushed so furiously it burned.

Mary turned her head to look at Lily, brow arched. “Really? Then you two might want to stop making googly-eyes at one another all the time.”

“We don’t do that!” Lily said almost desperately.

“You do.”

“Don’t.”

“Do.”

“Don’t.”

“Do.”

“Don’t infinity.”

Mary rolled her eyes. “Whatever. So if that’s not why you’re under here, what is?”

Lily chewed on her lip, looking back up at the bottom of her bed. “I just think…I don’t know…that someone made a mistake.”

“Probably, but you’ll have to be more specific.”

At eleven Mary’s dry sense of humour was largely lost on Lily. Mary would later credit her wit to her childhood obsession with Monty Python.

“I just don’t think I’m supposed to be a witch.”

Lily didn’t have to turn her head to know that Mary was staring at her. “What do you mean “supposed to be” ? You ARE a witch?”

Lily let out a frustrated noise. “But I’m not really though, am I? I’m a Muggle.”

“That is literally not true.”

“Yes, but I know Muggle things and I like Muggle things and I don’t know anything about Wizards really. People like Marlene or Alice or, God, even James bloody Potter, those people are meant to be Wizards and Witches. It’s in their blood. It comes to them so naturally. None of this is natural to me.”

Mary continued to stare at her for long enough that Lily started to squirm. She had rather been hoping that out of everyone Mary would understand.

“Did you know that the Gryffindor Quidditch team is almost always Half-Bloods and Purebloods?” the other girl said suddenly.

Lily blinked, adjusting to this change in topic. “I—no, no I didn’t.”

Mary nodded. “And even when there are Muggle-borns they’re always seventh years, because it takes them that long to pick up the game,” her voice was determined. “Not me though, I’m gonna get it in three. I’m going to be the youngest Muggle-born Quidditch player ever on the Gryffindor team and you know why?”

Lily shook her head and Mary inched a little closer. “To piss them the fuck off.”

At that time swearing was still rather new to Lily so she actually gasped, and after several moments of shocked silence managed to stammer; “Them?”

Mary waved her hands above her as much as the bed would allow. “The powers that be, the system, the Man. The snooty Purebloods. Because I am every bit as much a Witch as they are,” her eyes locked onto Lily’s, “and so are you.”

After that they’d gone to the Great Hall and only eaten dessert for dinner and eventually Marlene had joined them and Lily had felt better and by Christmas she didn’t want to leave. But that moment under the bed, the moment her and Mary really became friends, had always stuck with her. Always made her smile a little. Made her feel better when someone in her class laughed at some bit of magic she didn’t know—something that was obvious—that little kids learned. I am every bit as much a Witch as you are, she’d think, channeling Mary as best she could. Because Mary never apologized for herself. Never felt embarrassed. Never backed down from a fight. She was unstoppable.

[quackthulu]

Ramblings on Tubbo’s lore stream because AAAAAAAA

Black starting soon screen and animatic song means it’s about to go down

Tubbo’s game crashes which is not the last instance of god trying to stop Tubbo from doing lore

You can tell Ranboo helped because Tubbo plays undertale music throughout the stream

One of the few qualms I had about the lore stream Tubbo did at the beginning of march was that the music didn’t fit the mood a lot of the time so this is already a sign of Tubbo improving his (already great) lore

“It is no longer safe on the smp” we are going in swinging apparently and now c!Tubbo no longer feels safe even in Snowchester a place he created after doomsday for a sense of security

“You might think it’s pretty safe” for as long as I have been watching there has not been a single time were I had the thought ‘this server seems safe’ 

He thinks that it isn’t safe because people can come back from the dead which is interesting because you would think that makes things safer, if something terrible happens it can be undone, this is a very interesting insight into c!Tubbo

He’s worried that Dream will come for him because of the armour which is fair but also the whole trying to murdder him during the disc war finale is probably a sign too

He believes Tommy that Dream is going to escape prison

THE NUKES MAKE THEIR LONG AWAITED RETURN

God I love the nukes just because of how ridiculous it is if you step back and think about it

“But now, times are changing” roll credits boys

Tubbo plays the Ranboo Angst Song™

I don’t think it was mentioned the keycards were biometric until now which means Tubbo cannonicly invented biometrics and this is why I love the nukes

c!Tubbo says Jack hasn’t left his house in months which establishes a timeline which means I am deaf now because FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE DO NOT MENTION TIMEFRAMES IT MAKES EVERYTHING SO MUCH MORE GOD DAMN CONFUSING

Chat spamming CUMMER during this serious lore stream is so funny to me for some reason

Jack’s mic is scuffed which is instance number 2 of God trying to stop Tubbo lore

“It makes no sense if there is a warning to ignore the warning”

c!Tubbo is worried about Technobade attacking Snowchester 

He thinks Dream has a man on the outside and I don’t want to make any assumptions but *coughs* It’s probably his husband *coughs* 

To be fair that could just be a red herring but also there is so much evidence that points towards him

“I have a son now” “oh yeah that little pig thing, Richard”

“My eyes play tricks on me constantly” hey remember when Tommy came back and c!Tubbo asked him to pinch him because he couldn’t believe he was real yeah…

Now Tubbo’s mic is scuffed but not even god can stop the power of Tubbo lore no matter how hard he tries

‘Is it morally ok to have the power of nuclear weapons?’ is not a question I expected to be brought up by this minecraft roleplay but honestly I should have

“He’s in prison but he still holds all the power”

c!Tubbo doesn’t want to have nuclear weapons close to his home because he has a child but he was ok with it before and can someone please get this kid some therapy my god that is concerning

The power goes out in Tubbo’s house because the nukes are just that powerful

c!Tubbo says Technoblade ransacked the place which isn’t necessarily true because, and everyone say it with me everyone is an unreliable narrator

The timing of the song stops as Tubbo says “we have nukes” and then ‘sans.’ playing is impeccable

“Dreamcatchers rely on the fact that the dreams don’t know they’re there is a banger line

Tubbo’s power keeps interrupting lore 

The Snowdin music is absolutely perfect for Snowchester 

“There’s a big cobblestone pillar here I’d rather not-” OUCH december 16th anyone

Dogsong during serious lore is very funny

c!Tubbo is willing to get in trouble for nuking the prison and I am once again asking for c!Tubbo to value his life more

Nuking L’manburg to add to the aesthetic 

They better not accidentally pull a chernobyl

c!Tubbo trusts Ranboo so much and I know it will backfire eventually but please

Soon™ 

The Cummer is cannon in the Dream smp

A nuke is gone so that’s fun

c!Tubbo put a manual detonation switch on each of the bombs making them suicide bombs but he was the only one who knew about them and i need you guys to think about the implications

How have 2 separate people who live in Snowchester become detectives in relation to Tommy’s death like why is that the popular coping mechanism

c!Tubbo sounds like he is on the verge of a breakdown because oh god someone has a bomb which is valid

The acting is top notch

Not c!Tubbo asking if he’s allowed to feel paranoid 

If I had to describe c!Tubbo in one word it would be denial

WE GOT BLACK SCREENED

‘NGAHHH!!’ is a very good song choice

God this was a good lore stream i’m so excited that Tubbo is doing more lore because his character is just so interesting 

Please send me asks about this I have so many feelings which is evident because this is over 900 words long

[crystalirises]

in regards to ur recent post—i have been waiting so so long for someone to mention that song in relation to Fundy and i wanna hear u elaborate on how well it fits cuz ur thoughts are interesting 👀👀

Hello anon! And yeah I tried to explain why the song fits although I might not get some points across since I'm not ver articulate with my thoughts. I also apologize for responding so late since I actually posted my post at like... Past midnight so I wasn't able to respond immediately. But anyway, here's the sort of lyric analysis (??? Is this right lol) of why Not Your Seed is a Fundy song. And I mean Character Fundy not the actual person. So the Fundy mentioned here is the character.

This is long because it's me lol.

TW: brief mention of drugs, brief mention of sex (cause it's literally part of a song lyric and quite honestly I don't even want to talk about that kinda stuff), a lot of parental neglect, insane!Wilbur Soot, and possible cheating (cause Fundywastaken is mentioned). Stay safe everyone and please read the trigger warnings.

I'm not your girl anymore

I'm not that tween that you drove here for

I'm not your girl anymore

I overtook her body with an infectious spore

Okay, first of the first part of the song doesn't make sense out of the context of the musical (obviously). However if we kinda try to look at this in a "metaphorical" sense, it just gives off the message of Fundy not being the person who he used to be. If we were to say that Fundy was a kid during the first war, it's like a way to saying that he's no longer than innocent kid that he used to be. And for the "infectious spore" thing, if taken metaphorically, could mean the bitterness and anger that Fundy feels against the rest of the server (or at least against Wilbur) for the way they've treated him. Those bitter feelings have led him to just doing things that he would have never done (such as the 'blowing up L'Manburg's supply thing before the Doomsday War').

Also AU where Fundy gets infected the red egg and Wilbur gets ressurected I guess.

You left me out of your sight for one second

And look what happens, nightmare time

It's worse than you could imagine

Not sex and not drugs

Just alien invading minds

Okay for the first two lyrics, we all know very well that Wilbur did not look away for a second (he looked away for an entire damn arc is what he did lol). So essentially, from that first line it just implies that Wilbur (and I say Wilbur mostly cause 'Not Your Seed' is literally a daughter singing this to her father song) looked away from Fundy. Except, Wilbur looked away or ignored Fundy for a very long time, enough so that the last time Fundy saw Wilbur alive was Wilbur pretty much calling him a traitor and then promptly ignoring until he can back as Ghostbur. Which then leads to the second line since that neglect left some impressions on Fundy even after Wilbur was gone.

For the next three lines, combining the first two lines together, the usual fears that a parent would have regarding their children are well... Them engaging in sex and drugs (well the drugs is debatable cause Wilbur literally made a drug van so). However, Wilbur's issues regarding were never those matters but instead he had to deal with the aftermath of his emotional neglect that Fundy gained from Wilbur's parenting. As for the last line "Just alien invading minds," again does not make sense out of the context of the musical. However, metaphorically it could be seen as like... "alien" as in "different/outside emotions" that Fundy had never felt before (am I reaching XD). Essentially, negative emotions that Fundy had never felt before (or at least witheld for a very long time) have pretty much engulfed Fundy's mind and kinda led him down a terrible path.

No more family vacays together

'Cause your only daughter's under the weather

And if you actually paid attention to me

Okay, I have to admit that the first two lines are kinda out of the Fundy interpretation thing and I guess if someone wanted to, just alternate the family vacays to family hangouts since... They never took vacays lol. As for the second line, one could interpret it as just well Fundy drifting away from Wilbur... Essentially, he's sick of Wilbur. (This is reaching and I know that XD).

But it's the third line here that's definitely a Fundy line. "And if you actually paid attention to me," is a line that I believe embodies Fundy to an extent. Yes, Wilbur was there for Fundy and one could argue that whe was a doting father but that does not necessarily mean he was a good one. Wilbur was there for Fundy but he never paid attention to him, if anything, he babied Fundy. During the war? Babied him. During the time L'Manburg gained independence? Babied him. During the election arc? Babied him. Wilbur was there but he never listened to Fundy, he never saw Fundy as anything more than a child. There are many ways that a parent could be neglectful towards their children and I believe that though Wilbur was very doting he was not very attentive towards what Fundy had to say (and this is only hitting the beginning, I haven't even gotten to the "I despise you" part of the Pogtopia Arc.)

You'd see, I'm not your seed

I'm not your angsty teen

No matter what you believe

The apple's fallen far from the tree

Alright so for the first two lines, these could easily be equated to the fact that Wilbur, again, babies Fundy. What especially strikes me is the fact that Wilbur refers to Fundy's creation of Coconut 2020 and his sudden change of clothes to Fundy being in his teenage rebellious phase. Wilbur thinks that Fundy is just being rebellious and it's really just Fundy trying to separate himself from just being Wilbur's son and finding a way to make his dad proud via his own accomplishments, essentially finding something to get Wilbur's acknowledgement or approval while also doing something for himself. This line is like Fundy refuting the idea that everything he's done is just him going through an angsty teenage rebellious phase when he wasn't going through one in the first place.

For the third and fourth lines, I honestly think this represents Fundy's way of trying to separate himself as being known as Wilbur's son. He doesn't want to just be acknowledged as that, he wants to be more than his father's son. He wants to be his own person. In all honesty, I'd like to think that this is Fundy actually saying this to himself. He truly wants to believe that he's being independent but at the same time he's still looking for Wilbur's approval. No matter how much he wants to be his own man, he still looks to Wilbur because at the end of the day he wants to prove himself to Wilbur while also wanting to be independent. It's odd but it's kind of understandable. It's difficult to try and step out of somebody's shadow without turning around to see if they actually notice what you're doing. Fundy is like that. At least he was, and probably still is (with Phil before the whole breakdown arc).

It's not my fault anymore

No more curfews to be late for

It's not my fault anymore

No more being worried and waiting by the door

Again, these four lines are essentially just normal parent-child stuff. Children usually have curfews on when they should be home and parents tend to wait by the doors everytime their kid is a little bit late to arriving home. The thing about this kind of thing tho, if it was something that happened during the L'Manburg war, Fundy would have definitely felt constricted within the walls of L'Manburg. It wouldn't have been easy to just leave the safety of L'Manburg since the enemy could literally be waiting outside to ambush anyone they could. So, if character Fundy were the type of person to occasionally leave L'Manburg (and I believe he would be), he'd definitely feel guilty at times since it would have been very stressful for Wilbur. It's the middle of a war, Wilbur's a general and a father (tho he definitely he focused on one more than the other) and the least Fundy should be doing is to just stay within the walls. So, in a scenario where Fundy occasionally leaves L'Manburg, he would definitely feel guilty and blame himself for adding any unnecessary stress to Wilbur...

Again tho, this is an imagined scenario since this never really occured within the actual storyline... But then again Wilbur did claim the walls as "The wall I built to keep him (Fundy) safe." So it probably did happen and Fundy would have probably felt guilty for just leaving every now and then. Although Wilbur would have a point (it's literally the middle of a war), Fundy would have wanted to see the outside world and not have been forced to stay within the confines of L'Manburg (Fundy would have some slight fault here, that should be noted.)

Like I said, this is more of an imagined scenario that may or may not have occured.

Did you know that I wanted to live with you? (Look what happens, nightmare time)

O-ooh

And when you needed to fight, you gave her that too (aliens invading minds)

Ah-ooh

Alright so the first line really hits me since "live" could almost sound like "leave" (I know they're pronounced different don't @ me). For this piece of line, it sounds like a confrontation between Fundy and insane!Wilbur (Wilbur in Pogtopia Arc). At the very beginning of Schlatt's Administration, Fundy had always made it clear to at least himself (and Eret) that he was a spy on the inside. Fundy - at the beginning - didn't support Schlatt's administration at all. So if one were to think of the line with the word "leave" instead of "live," it gives off the context that Fundy wanted to go with Wilbur and Tommy when they were exiled... But he didn't because he wanted to be a spy for them. Technically, you don't have to change "live" with "leave" cause it essentially means the same thing, it just feels more painful this way cause it implies that Fundy forced himself to stay even if he didn't want to. Tis sad times for Fundy's hidden spy arc.

As for the third line, in the context of the musical this is referring to Bill (the father) essentially giving up custody of his daughter Alice to her mother. Of course in Fundy's case that doesn't work. But if this line were to be though of in a metaphorical way, it could come out as something else. "And when you needed to fight, you gave her that too." Think of it as Wilbur choosing L'Manburg over Fundy. Wilbur never "fought" for Fundy. Pet war? Nope. Tommy publicly disowning him? Nope. People calling Fundy a furry despite him being an anthromorphic fox (and as far as I'm aware, this is canon)? Nope. Schlatt hitting Fundy with a bottle during the November 16th war? Nope. Wilbur never cared enough to defend his son, but he was always ready to fight for L'Manburg.

Did you know mom let Deb sleep over?

And you're right about Deb - she's a hardcore stoner

And if you wonder what led your daughter astray

Well, daddy wasn't here to stay

... listen *gets bonked* Okay, serious interpretation first before I make the crack joke. This line really doesn't work cause this is essentially Alice (the daughter) talking about Deb (her girlfriend) who Bill (the father) does not really like. If anything, I'd like to say that... Change these lines to Fundy admitting that Schlatt is actually doing a great job as president? (Let's all be honest, Fundy at one point did express that he thought Schlatt was a good president). So yeah just Fundy admitting that Schlatt is a good president even though he is an alcoholic.

("Did you know Schlatt let Dre sleep over?

And you were right about Dre - he's a hardcore liar.")

For the last two lines. I imagine this could be said to two versions of Wilbur. If we're talking about insane!Wilbur then this is just a confrontation of how Wilbur pretty much just left Fundy in a hostile country where he was forced to adapt unless he wanted to get executed like Tubbo or imprisoned like Niki. There's a reason why Schlatt asked Fundy about his parentage and his association with Wilbur. As such, Fundy had to learn how to be another person because Wilbur left.

Another way to interpret this is Fundy telling it to Ghostbur. The reason why Fundy is bitter and the way he is is because Wilbur left him... Both emotionally and physically, the man died and they were never able to resolve their issues before Wilbur died. Fundy is the way he is because Wilbur never stayed to resolve their issues. The line "Well, daddy wasn't here to stay" really hits how Fundy is influenced by what Wilbur did, and Fundy is still looking for that one person - the one person - who would stay for him. His dad didn't stay for him, his grandfather stay, Eret did not go to the adoption, and his best friend (Ranboo???) didn't stay... Everyone has left him and that hurts him since that is exactly what Wilbur did and it still continues to haunt him even after Wilbur is dead and gone.

Not your seed

I'm not your perfect teen

I'm fucking sevente-en

At least I was before you left me

With the first two lines, I suppose one could say that this is how Wilbur saw Fundy. "I'm not your perfect teen," is one way that Wilbur could've seen Fundy or at least how he forced himself to see Fundy as. Since the beginning of the L'Manburg War, he regarded Fundy as a child and during the Election Arc he regarded Fundy as a rebellious teenager... But with slight endearment. Like he's honestly amused by Fundy's sudden show of rebellion... It's only when Fundy sides with Quackity that Wilbur begins to realize that Fundy is serious about the whole separating-himself-from-Wilbur thing and even then continues to look at Fundy condescendingly, especially when Fundy ran for presidency. And, although this is my own interpretation, that part of the Election Arc where Fundy wanted to run for the presidency too and Wilbur just allowed it after a moment of awkward silence, feels like a parent who just decided to concede with their child's wishes cause it's amusing and "hey, what's the harm in letting the kid have what he wants?" But... Fundy is not the kid that Wilbur sees him as at all, but Wilbur can't get over that and it even translates over to the way Ghostbur looks and regards Fundy as.

As for the last two lines, there are two ways this could be interpreted as. In the first interpretation, don't look at the age but at the context. Fundy was a kid who was born and grew up in a war-torn country, Wilbur may have been there physically but he had long since emotionally left Fundy since Wilbur was busy with the war effort to really be there for Fundy. Fundy, like Tommy and Tubbo, was forced to grow up because it was a war and they had no choice but to grow if they wanted to survive. The second interpretation is... A bit sadder. I don't really know what Fundy's age is. Like... Is he older than Tommy or Tubbo but how was he born in L'Manburg then??? But confusion aside. If we were to assume that Fundy was 14 during the Election Arc (as Ghostbur said but he's unreliable) or at least Fundy was a teen at that point of time, Wilbur left his son in an enemy country (though of course not any initial fault of his own since he was exiled XD). Fundy - like in the first interpretation - was forced to grow up and adapt because Schlatt could have literally just killed him for being Wilbur's son.

Why does it hurt to love you?

Why am I in pain?

Why does it hurt to know you?

You'll let me down again

If I turned my insides out, would you even know that I was there?

Ah ;-; the lines that make me cry.

Alright so I can definitely say that all of these lines are just relatable to Fundy. "Why does it hurt to love you?" Fundy does probably care a whole lot about Wilbur but with this care and love comes the pain of how Wilbur emotionally neglected and disrespected him. Fundy loves Wilbur. He does. But it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. He still recognizes Wilbur as his father to some degree and does love the Wilbur that was his dad, but with everything that's happened, loving Wilbur has become too painful for him to bear. Everytime he tries, it just feels like a stab to the heart since he's reminded of how absent Wilbur truly was in his life.... Even if Ghostbur tried to be there for Fundy, it doesn't erase the pain that Wilbur inflicted when he was alive.

For the second line, "Why am I in pain?" Fundy's character is undeniably one of the most tragic characters (at least from my perspective). The guy has been through a lot and even if this line isn't supported by the first, it still indicates that Fundy has suffered a lot (and yes a lot of characters have suffered too and I am not invalidating any of the other characters). He's hurting. And to be honest, they're all hurting. Everyone has their own ways of coping, and Fundy is honestly quite lost in what he should be doing. He's still reeling from everything, enough so that he canonically took a break and left the DSMP altogether (yes it was canonised that his character had taken a break).

For the following lines, I'd like to think this is directed to Ghostbur. "Why does it hurt to know you?" It feels like Fundy meeting Wilbur - or at least a version of Wilbur - after everything that's happened. He knows the real Wilbur and although Ghostbur reminds him of the father that he used to have, he can't just forget what the real Wilbur did. It hurts to not be able to move on even though he has a second chance with Ghostbur. It hurts because everytime he sees Ghostbur he'll just be reminded that Ghostbur is nothing more than a remnant of a once broken man. He knows Wilbur, he knew the real Wilbur. And it hurts to not be able to move on from the real Wilbur. The reason why it feels like something Fundy would say to Ghostbur is furthe remphasized by the next line in the song.

"You'll let me down again." That is definitely something that Fundy would say or at least feel towards Ghostbur. He wants to get to know this new version of his father, he wants to... But he can't. Cause again there's still that underlying fear of Ghostbur just messing up again and further hurting Fundy. In a way, Ghostbur did in fact hurt Fundy and he did in fact let Fundy down again. The issue with Ghostbur is that he refused to acknowledged the problems that he inflicted to everyone around him. When Fundy confronted him, Ghostbur ignored it. He ran away. So yeah, Fundy couldn't let himself know Ghostbur because Ghostbur would have and did let him down again.

Finally, the last line, "If I turned my insides out, would you even know that I was there?" As we've already seen, Fundy has tried to gain Wilbur's attention and acknowledgement in the past. First, with the running for presidency and secondly, with the spying for Pogtopia thing. Fundy has gone - and would have possibly gone to even worse - to great lengths just to gain Wilbur's approval. This line just shows the desperation that Fundy had just so he could get his father's approval. He tried to be independent, but it didn't work. He tried to help his father against Schlatt, it didn't work. He went so far as to burn the flag down since he wanted to get into Schlatt's good graces so he could be a better spy. He went to great lengths for Wilbur's acknowledgement... But he never got it, at least, not in the way that he wanted to.

Why does it hurt to love you?

Why does it hurt to love?

For the first line, "Why does it hurt to love you?" it just really shows how painful it is for Fundy to try and love a father who was barely even there for him. He does love Wilbur - as I said before - but loving Wilbur comes with a lot of pain (as I'm sure even other characters affiliated with Wilbur can attest). Wilbur went crazy before he died and he wasn't the best father towards Fundy and though Fundy still holds on to some semblance of love for the man he once saw as his dad, he still feels hurt over everything that's happened. Wilbur is a sore and touchy subject for many people within the story, not even just Fundy. They all suffer at the thought of Wilbur... At least, Alivebur.

Ohhhh... Like...this is obvious. The second line is obvious for Fundy XD. Because: his father was barely there, his possible last words to Fundy were "I despise you," and then he died and came back as a ghost who straight up ignores all the problems that he caused when he was alive, his grandfather disowned him, his fiancé broke up and possibly cheated on him (if you consider fwt canon), his best friend called him a coward and left, his home got destroyed thrice, Eret never showed up for the adoption, and he went through a breakdown arc in which it was so bad that he left to take a break from everything that happened. Everything that he's ever loved just finds a way to hurt him.

I'm not your seed (not your girl, not your girl)

Now maybe you'll listen to me (listen to me, listen to me)

Or do you let me bleed? (let me bleed)

Now your daughter's not a girl no more (girl no more, girl no more)

Now that Fundy's gone through a possible recovery arc (since he canonically left the server for one year or was it fours years?), he's probably more well-adjusted to everything else. If Wilbur does indeed get ressurected at some point. This is a way of like showing how Wilbur and Fundy may interact. (Also, I know it could also sound like Villain Fundy but I honestly have moved on from that particular thing and just want Fundy to recover). "Now maybe you'll listen to me," is just Fundy trying to confront Wilbur after everything except this time Fundy has recovered enough to actually speak to Wilbur without getting mad or upset once Wilbur refuses to acknowledge anything's wrong. Still, this is just in the case where Wilbur is ressurected and Fundy is recovered enough to confront Wilbur for everything that's happened.

So for these last lines, I'll only focus on the third line which is "Or do you let me bleed?" If Fundy and ressurected!Wilbur do interact, there are two possible ways for that to go. Wilbur either acknowledges and apologizes for what he did wrong, Fundy apologizes for the things he also did (come on, burning the flag, tearing down the walls, and disowning Wilbur is very painful regardless of what Fundy was trying to accomplish), and they both learn to accept the past and move on so they can beat that stupid egg (red egg, my beloved) and maybe Dream. Or... Wilbur could just ignore Fundy all over again and refuse to acknowledge what he did wrong. Hopefully this time, Fundy would be recovered enough to just realize that Wilbur is never gonna change and that Fundy needs to move on from Wilbur. So, yes. In this possible scenario, Wilbur and Fundy could either make up ("Now maybe you'll listen to me") or Wilbur refuses to acknowledge anything that went wrong and Fundy moves on by himself ("Or do you let me bleed?") Again, this is just a possible scenario.

Not at all your seed!

Cause I'm not your girl anymore

Just, well, further emphasis that Fundy isn't the same person he used to be and he never will be again. Like everyone else, he's gone through a lot. He's different, he's changed.

----------------------------------------------------------

So yeah... I am so sorry to the anon if this is just so confusing or me rambling and I'm pretty sure you didn't ask for a damn essay. But ye... Have this... Sorry if it’s not the analysis you wanted tho ;-;

Apologies tho if this seems confusing and I would gladly clear things up if there's some points that are confusing.

So...ye... Have fun with this

(what do I tag this as, pls help—)

[amphii-writes]

Random Haikyuu Head Canons I Have

these are all taken from my discord server cause i remember to write them there, if you want to request fanfics, my requests are W I D E open! there is also nO order! these are just all the headcanons i could find tbh

warnings: mentions of blood, and just overall wild times, swearing

Asahi loves knitting sweaters because his shoulders are broad and he also loves seeing the reactions from his teammates when they get a sweater from him! He says he buys them but he doesn’t

Aone likes knitting socks because he has big feet and he loves fluffy knee high socks but his team will never know

Asahi and Aone regularly hang out and knit together! (after asahi wasnt scared of him anyways)

Nishinoya gives you shiny rocks he finds because “your eyes shine like them!”

Yamaguchi likes to have your head rest on his chest while cuddling!

Aone likes to bake

Aone dressed like a polar bear because koganegawa told him to- halloween was amazing

daICHI HAS A KISS THE COOK APRON

Daichi secretly can make some kick ass steak and is amazing at grilling sorry

Okay but real talk, Kenma and Yaku swear like sailors and it scares everyone because they always whisper the most foul, insulting things under their breath. Hearing it is like seeing a cryptid

Speaking of cryptids, Fukunaga and Shibayama are THE most true crime, mythology, and mystery obsessed fanatics on the team and often fanboy about it together 

Fukunaga’s obsession with moth man has gotten to an unhealthy stage

Kenma absolutely had a vampire phase and has read twilight. Only Kuroo knows and has sworn to secrecy via blood pact

Kuroo’s a musical nerd. Knows all of the lyrics to Hamilton, BMC, DEH, Heathers, Rent, Beetlejuice, Etc. Kenma considered dropping him because of it

Iwaizumi tells the worst dad jokes and Kyotani, wanting to beat him, started doing it too and it drives everyone insane

Yahaba and Matsukawa get along surprisingly well. Both are true crime freaks and bond over their forensic files obsessions

Matsukawa didn’t really like his thick eyebrows so he got one of his female friends to pluck it for him, but almost cried and gave up after the first hair. Oikawa called him a pussy for the next year

Hanamaki jokingly flirts with everyone on the team so most of them just got used to it, but it still confuses Kindaichi to the point of mental breakdown

Makki called Kyotani ‘puppy’ as a joke once and now mad dog is truly terrified of him

Kyotani’s dog absolutely ADORES Oikawa and it’s the funniest shit to the rest of the team

Mattsun and Makki play DnD and once convinced Yahaba and Kyotani to join. Kyotani kept rolling to fight everyone and Yahaba was a bard that kept rolling to seduce everyone. They kept yelling across the board so they had to kick them out

Outside of his school uniform, Goshiki specifically wears only plaid

Tendou makes little chocolates for the whole team every once in a while so they don’t think he’s scary

Semi and Shirabu once had a fistfight in an abandoned McDonald’s parking lot while Tendou filmed and Goshiki cheered them on

Everybody makes fun of Shirabu’s haircut but nobody dares to say it to his face. its gotten to the point where they say he got it done by a blind old lady

There’s a running joke about Shirabu also getting his haircut from prison but Goshiki is starting to suspect that it may not be a joke

Yamagata and Tendou are good friends with the mutual goal of collecting as much blackmail on their team as possible

Tendou loves animals generally considered to be ‘ugly’ like rats, crows, reptiles, etc.

80% of Goshiki’s playlist is shit overplayed on the radio. Him, Shirabu, Tendou, Kawanishi and Ushijima have a permanent ban from the aux cord

Nobody watches YouTube with Ushijima because he never skips the damn ads (other than tendou)

Suna once said y’all’dn’t’ve unironically and made a first year cry

Akagi once said UwU unironically and had an identity crisis.

Osamu has one of those rainbow gaming keyboards and is constantly on a discord call. Atsumu always yells weird shit in the background to embarrass him and once pretended to be him

During Seijoh group chat arguments. Hanamaki and Mattsukawa like to drop facebook minion memes in just to piss everyone off even more

mattsun and maki both have separate photo albums in their phones labelled ‘minion memes to piss everyone off’

Hinata carries a pocket knife and no one has no fucking idea why

mattsun and maki both have matching rat fursuits that look like they actually where in a sewer- they chased oikawa around

For all his talk of plant analogies and metaphors, Ushijima cant grow shit

Goshiki’s Bangs are the way they are because his favorite character was Rock Lee from Naruto

Oikawa has watched Ouran High School Host Club front to back so many times and he can quote all of Tamaki’s lines by heart -He keeps bothering Iwaizumi to “be his Haruhi, since you’re shorter than me”

Koganegawa has definitely gone as an Angry Bird for Halloween

Fukunaga has those reflective cat eyes, and he has terrified Yamamoto on several occasion

Hanamaki and Matsukawa have a teddy bear that they pretend is their child and they share custody

Suga always sprays whipped cream straight into his mouth whenever he sees a can

Nishinoya definitely bit people as a kid

Nishinoya would be the guy to wear shorts all year round and even if it's snowing, he'll insist he's not cold

Tendou is still stuck in his emo phase and would fangirl over Creepypasta with me and I appreciate that (me too buddy, me fuckin too)

Kyoutani LOOKS like he’d listen to viking death metal, but in reality he listens to Mother Mother and knows all the words to Ghosting

Sugawara would definitely encourage me to dumb shit and not stop me, and you’re all dumb for thinking he wouldn’t 

KENMA IS NOT ‘uwu owo’ SHY, HE IS ‘your fucking gross’ SHY SO LITERALLY STFU

Bokuto listens to Nicki Manaj. And knows all the words. To every. Single. Song.

Ushijima for some reason knows an odd amount of 90′s-2000′s R&B and he will hum along to the songs if they come on the radio (he also loves Dolly Parton) ((he says he relates to her music))

Bokuto once ate instant ramen for an entire month

TERUSHIMA DID TRY TO FUCK A PLANT WHILE SHITFACED AND GOD I STAND BY WHAT I SAID

atsumu let’s you put makeup on him and pretends to eat the brushes (do yk what im talking about- like n o m)

tendou ran for school president as a joke but actually won

i 100% believe that all of karasuno’s third years apologize when they bump into inanimate objects, but when suga is really tired or stressed out, he’ll yell at them instead.

Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Taketora have a group chat called "Bros who want sum hoes" and they send each other hypebeast memes and shit

Sugawara knows how to do a bunch of flexible shit because he sometimes goes to yoga with daichi and asahi's moms, its fucking hilarious

tanaka and noya both breakdance- they work as a team and sometimes go to tokyo for underground competitions- saeko drives them

Daichi knows a little ballet- nobody other than Kiyoko knows because they saw each other at the ballet class and had to work together- dont tell tanaka and noya that he lifted her though

Osamu once put glitter on Atsumu's pillow- he still finds hot pink glitter on shit

kita knits and crochets with his grandma

Kita's grandma knows everyone's names because kita talks shit bout them, her favorite is Aran

Kuroo has burnt his eyebrows off doing an experiment. His goggles didn't cover all his brows,,, so he just showed up to practice like that. No eyebrows and a chemical burn

kenma has played all kinds of games, but he was dared to play corpse party by kuroo. He wasn't scared because of the gore, he was thinking about the trauma the characters went through. Punched kuroo the next day because that game was fucked up

Lev isn't a strong swimmer, so he often grabs people by the head to keep himself up. happened with kenma and lev couldn't walk due to the force of kenmas suprised water kicks

akaashi has those fancy pens that you have to dip in ink and they're so nice

Bokuto has and will eat pencil erasers again

Daichi once almost lost his shit at his team but instead he lost his shit at the door that decided to stub his toe on the way out of the gym. not the best thing to be found yelling to.

Yamaguchi for sure has been dragged to one of terushimas parties because he didnt wanna say no. oh and terushima has like frat boy level parties too. Yams has for sure had some wild nights and doubts anyone other than Tsukishima and the party-goers will ever know

Akaashi can actually flirt very well! He reads romance novels sometimes and has analyzed any and every book in his possession! so he's actually quite charming

Daihsou unironically posted on twitter after mika broke up with him "I still see her shadows in my room"

Mattsun and Maki run a fake oikawa account; its been going ever since twitter even started getting popular and they even started sending messages in spanish. The posts would range from "I love all my fans!" to flirting with them :) Oikawa is pissed cause the account got verified before he did and most of his fans also follow the fake oikawa. Tooru has no idea who runs it JUST IMAGINE OIKAWA JUST LIKE RANTING TO THE SEIJOH 3RD YEAR ALUMNI AND JUST "no Iwa-chan, you dont understand! they run a fake account and pretend to be me!" while makki and mattsun laugh their asses off

Oh, kenma for sure has pretended to be a girl on discord and has gotten someone to buy him stuff. after they do he says in his normal voice "fucking simp" and then hangs up and blocks the other persons discord

Yamamoto, despite his rough appearance, loves kids and has and will be a human jungle gym

suna in middle school had a game with his friends about who could make kids cry the fastest

The twins switched places back in middle school and nobody could tell because of how great they are at acting like eachother

Daichi once arrested coach ukai for public intoxication after a game :|

Daichi has arrested many people from his old volleyball team but the most memorable case was when he arrested tanaka and noya for reckless driving. poor idiots got so scared when they saw their old captains face in their mirror and started to pray

tanaka, while trying to intimidate someone, once said "You dont gotta tell me twice, i may be straight but these hands are bisexual" and he often cringes at night thinking about it

Kageyama, as a comeback to Tsukishima, said "one thing about us royalty is that we love to feast" and he also fuckin hates what he said

the third years made a cult for Kiyoko. they chant every wednesday "i'll do anything for kiyoko, she makes me go loco"

oikawas fangirls are known to be fucking rabid

yAMAMOTO AND KENMA AFTER THEIR FIGHT WERE FORCED BY KUROO TO MAKE IT UP: so they dyed their hair together

Makki and mattsun sang two trucks in front of the entire team. everyone was so confused. Makki: "twO TRUCKS HAVIN SEX!!" Mattsun: "oH yEs!"THEY'D SWITCH OFF AND HAVE LIKE CHOREOGRAPHY TOO LIKE THEY'D DO A TANGO WHILE THE SONG IS LIKE "two beer trucks, making love"

tendou once called Oikawa "mr. no-nationals" and got kicked in the shins before iwaizumi could save him

Tsukishima had a my little pony phase

you work with matsukawa at a morgue and he makes dead people jokes while you fix some dead guys face with wax and makeup he'd be like "so didnt he like,,, stick his head out of the sunroof of a moving fuckin car??" he'd be singing dumb ways to die the entire day

i feel like Kuroo has one crazy accident a year. like it might not be deadly but its fucking crazy like for example: Kuroo for sure has ridden in a shopping cart at past midnight with kenma (who pushed him down a hill) causing Kuroo to get scratched up hella well. he lied and said he spent the night with a girl and kenma fucking hated himself cause he would be the girl if that was true

Mattsun has flirted with the 4th years moms before (AS A JOKE), and because of this: he is known as “fuckin milf hunter” sometimes by the team

Warning, this next headcanon is talking about cannabis, weed, mary jane, the zoink root. so if your uncomfortable, please dont read below :)

dude i wanna get high as SHIT with Asahi 

i think Asahi would be one of those mfkers who takes one hit and is gone 

ASAHI ACCIDENTALLY GOING TO PRACTICE ZOINKED 

IMAGINE HIM SEEING TSUKISHIMA AND JUST "he looks so judgemental,,, im scared" 

OR LIKE A MAD DAICHI AND JUST "i'm gonna,,, im gonna go jump out the window now" 

Noya and Tanaka would know tho, i feel like they'd have a 6th sense when it comes to weed. they probably get some from Saeko cause she'd rather they do it in the house. they'd smell asahi like fucking dogs and just so,,, big guy had fun without us huh? 

DAICHI WOULD KNOW ABOUT ASAHI BEING ZOINKED, SMASH HIS FACE INTO THE WALL, TURN AROUND WITH A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD AND WITH A BEAMING SMILE AND FEUX ENTHUSIASM SAY: "YOSH, LETS WARM UP!"

[ryansaiditposts]

The Lore of Folklore:

The Real Story Behind the Characters of Taylor Swift’s Folklore

 

 

We are all familiar with Taylor Swift’s record breaking, surprise quarantine love child, Folklore. Even more so in the Swiftie fanbase, we are familiar with the proverbial “love triangle” established in “Cardigan”, “August”, and “Betty”. What if I told you that I believe the entire album is centered around just these characters at different stages in life with Taylor’s story woven in? Also, what if I said that Taylor/Rebecca were an allegory? Not to mention the complexity of “Hoax” being a combination of all the characters in one? Of course, you would probably ask me for clarification, and that is the intention of the next few paragraphs. These characters reveal certain patterns of behavior, call and responses, and self-referential phrases that map out a much bigger story to tell. The trio of songs mentioned above were just the starting point.

 

To give you an overview of where we will be going, I want to give you the songs as they relate to each character. These will then be fleshed out to connect them in the way I hear and see Folklore play out. The songs and respective characters are as follows:

 

Betty- Cardigan, Mirrorball, and Exile (featuring James)

James- Betty, This Is Me Trying, and Exile (featuring Betty)

Augustine- August, The 1, and Illicit Affairs

Taylor- Seven, Invisible String, Mad Woman, Epiphany

Taylor/Rebecca- The Last Great American Dynasty, My Tears Ricochet, Peace

All Characters- Hoax

 

The genius of this album is that the struggles and identifiers of these characters can sometimes be interchangeable. That is what creates the magic, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. There is more than one perspective to these stories, but this is all what I heard from Inez.

 

The 1 (Augustine)-

I have been sitting with this song for a while. I began to wonder why, for lyrics that for all intents and purposes were sad, did I not get sad listening to this song. Sure, it’s about loss and what could have been, but it’s mere conjecture. Almost like a love that never really existed outside of the storyteller’s imagination. A film that was never made, if you will. Then it hit me, “you weren’t mine to lose”. Augustine simply imagined what it would have been like if the man she did not end up with could have been the one. Betty and James DID have a relationship and the theme of this “film” is repeated in the stories told throughout this album. She would have not gotten the chance to have the movie kind of romance if he had not chosen to be with her. Rose flowing with his chosen family.

 If one thing had been different, could everything be different today? Had he not already been in love with another woman, could we have been the greatest love story ever told? Something also struck me as odd. She called out him meeting some woman on the internet and taking her home. Knowing he has a tendency to stray, there could be a superficial level of jealousy. Imagining that he’s cheating on Betty, but disappointed that it isn’t with her. Not because she’s necessarily a bad person, but I think that as we will see later on in this breakdown, Augustine struggles with conventional relationship types and ties herself to sinking ships for the tragedy of it all.

 

Cardigan (Betty)-

So, not to rehash lore we are already incredibly familiar with, but this song is clearly Betty knowing that James is going to run back to her after straying the path. Cool, amazing, fierce. However, there is language here that suggests this is not the same instance as him showing up to the party. I believe that James has a very toxic pattern resulting from his wondering eye and Betty just has a bad case of loving him. At least, for a while. Betty likes the fact that she is able to show James who he really is when all is said and done, and being someone who has struggled with confidence, she doesn’t want to let this love go too soon. Even if she should. More on that in a bit.

 

Betty says, “Chase two girls, lose The 1”. We all assumed that she was referring to herself, but knowing that she was almost waiting for his return, it’s very possible that she intended to forgive him even before he asked. She had scars from years of not being enough and she may have even been bullied as indicated by this and him seeing in her what others could not when he was present in the relationship. That feeling of “what if” made sure she would not completely walk away. When you are young they assume you know nothing. Well, knowing something does not mean you know everything and I think she stayed long enough to find that out the hard way. Peter does lose Wendy because he cannot grow up.

 

The Last Great American Dynasty (Taylor/Rebecca)-

 

Taylor owns the previous home of Rebecca Harkness in Rhode Island. This beachside mansion has all the salt air and cliffsides to scream off of that anyone would want. Rebecca has a big reputation as a maneater who just isn’t ladylike and mild mannered enough. Sound familiar? Taylor Swift has been demonized, ridiculed, and made infamous based solely off of complete speculation. Rebecca faced the same fate as a middle-class divorcee who was cast as a gold digger after the Standard Oil estate. Truth is, both of these women were just in search of love that could last. Under circumstances far beyond their control these things ended so loudly that there was no right to privacy while they grieved or attempted to make sense of it all. Worse? They were blamed in a blameless situation.

 

Taylor makes her identity known to mirror Rebecca’s at the end of the story. So, what’s the connection to the album as a whole? Bill grew up in the area that the rest of them would eventually be in later on. Cliffside and salt air, the characters revisit these scenes and similar ones several times throughout the story. They lived at a different time here, years later. In fact, in terms of the house itself, it sat quietly for 50 years until Taylor would acquire it. She then marks her entrance to the rest of these stories as she then will later touch on points of her life leading up to Holiday House.

 

Exile (Betty and James)-

 

Communication is key. However, Betty and James eventually resented the back-and-forth nature of their relationship. He believed that she would always forgive him as she had always set that precedent each time before in their relationship. Although they always knew they walked a very thin line, they always felt like the other person would become better to them if they loved hard enough. Each had their demons, though. Between James cheating nature and drinking problem, he could become withdrawn and combative. Betty loved James so much that she gave him second, third and hundredth chances and even excused his more aggressive behaviors in a Streetcar Named Desire type loyalty. Until the branch broke that they were balancing on.

 

For someone like James, being left as a result of bad behavior can often be skewed as a betrayal in and of itself. Her leaving could have only been a result of her not telling him how to be a better partner. On the flip side, Betty was not clear in her signals of being fed up with his actions, but allowing him back time and again. The blame game ensues and each call out each other’s faults too little, too late. They have, in fact, seen this “film” before. They kept the hope that the cinematic love they were both obsessed with would eventually play out if they wanted it enough, but did not put in the work or self-reflect enough to make it so.

 

My Tears Ricochet (Taylor/Rebecca)-

 

Of course, it’s about a certain sellout record executive of her previous label who did not even have the decency to let her own her masters. I will not be bringing his name into it because he does not deserve to even be thought about. However, I think Taylor does an expert job of exploring the anger stage of grief and death that Rebecca and Bill would have had to face in his untimely death as well. The allegory dips in and out of this song to further establish the mirror effect of these two women and their fears/perception. Taylor calls out her own inability to leave with grace. Rebecca was left to burn at the stake after Bill died with no one to defend her either. While it is not his choice to have died, grieving does bring about emotions of abandonment when still panning out. Much like Taylor felt when the label she trusted acted like they had never met and that she had not given them her all to gift them any kind of notoriety.

 

Gathering stones is beachside activity, but when, so is collecting jewelry. This in a metaphorical sense could allude to also gathering dirt and receipts when it all falls down. This line has quite an impact in the context of a business transaction and the marriage of a rich couple. Toward the end, each woman speaks as though they have gone to the cliffside and screamed into the open air. Rebecca challenges the masses to go for her heart in same way the public felt she had gone for Bill’s, but knows that she would be missed all the same. Each woman is directly calling out their naysayers and bullies telling them they know they’re drunk on pain and negating the good they had done before tragedy. These fake people have both built them up and torn them down in times it benefitted them the most.

 

Mirrorball (Betty)-

 

As I previously mentioned, Betty struggles with self-confidence (relatable content). This song takes a deeper dive into Betty’s desire to be noticed by James in the way she needs him to and to show him that she knows him better than anyone else does. When he does not pay attention, she breaks into a million pieces. Although her friends consistently tell her that the end is imminent, she has committed herself to changing the narrative. She’s walking the tightrope, another call out to the thin line they feel they have always walked in regards to one another.

The insecurity is palpable in the self-deprecating “I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try”.  Remembering from their teenage years, Augustine, a natural beauty, is able to draw men in with a sense of sensuality and a carefree demeanor. She doesn’t have to get too invested in relationships because she only chooses men that are in high risk, low reward circumstances. On the outside, it seems like she has all the confidence in the world and that is intimidating to someone like Betty who does not exude the same assuredness and has been burned by trusting unnecessarily before. In spite of this, Betty is still a believer in true love even if James has given her no indication there is reason to believe.

 

Seven (Taylor)-

 

Little Tay on her Pennsylvania farm just discovering her own voice and the meaning of friendship. Making her own tales of time gone by and recounting the origin story of a girl who makes “too much” noise any time she wants. Also, quite possibly the REAL queer-canon of the album. Taylor was close to someone who she has not seen for a while, a girl. She remembers the feeling more than anything and a certain protectiveness that she felt for this person who was having to hide in the closet. Labels did not matter and love was love in this scenario. She wants them to know their story and the care she felt for them is not forgotten and still a source of inspiration for her life in present day. Think “hope ur ok” by Olivia Rodrigo.

 

This song explores Taylor’s fierce feminism and activism into adulthood. The unwavering support she gives to the underdogs and why Rebecca’s story resonates with her so much. She was the wild child the world tried to tame with constant expectation. The subject of Seven that she befriended reminded her that there are beautiful things out there and grounded her in a way to keep looking for meaningful connections and to respect the stories of each person she meets to gain perspective.

 

August (Augustine)-

 

Somewhere on the beaches just outside this small Rhode Island town, Augustine was manifesting a relationship that she knew had a slim to none chance with James. Despite her hopes and efforts, August came and went. James dreamed of Betty with Augustine in his arms, but wanted is cake and to eat it too as a seventeen-year-old boy. The thrill of it all enticed him to give his summer to Augustine instead. Particularly because she was willing to pursue him in the way she did. However, much like the surface level pining found in The 1, she just wished she could write her name on his back in a performative ownership move as if to say finders keepers.

This superficial relationship was hallmarked in sex and lust by being spent tipsy and wrapped and in bedsheets. It wasn’t shameful or tawdry to two kids, but would show it’s truth one single time before becoming a feeling both would continue to chase. The shaky and electrifying experience of sharing firsts and secrets though “Never Have I Ever” and the charged nature of “Are you sure?” feeling like a pact. Until guilt set in for James, there was only excitement and both were forever changed. One by the hope of it all, and the other by the excitement.

 

This Is Me Trying (James)-

 

Years after the first thrill and eventual heartbreak, James has never found direction. He fell behind the classmates that moved on with their lives and ended up here. Still in their same hometown, he is a shell of a man grappling with depression and alcoholism. He’s in Betty’s doorway once again in her front porch light begging for forgiveness. He even matched Betty’s previous speech pattern in “Mirrorball” by saying “I just wanted you to know…” as if to respond to her finally because he sees her after it’s all been said and done. He pulled the rusted, vintage car that once made him so cool off the road to the same cliffside that they once made out in front of. This represents the edge that they all seem to stand at one point or another to contemplate their mistakes. He calls out his own substance abuse and aggression (which we talked about in Exile as well).

 

He wants to continue his same party lifestyle, but feels like an open wound because his bad behavior has finally caught up to him. All he thinks about are his own shortcomings, especially now that he is left alone with them. Betty once again gets compared to a film in a reel on the one screen they have in this small town. Now, only a memory instead of a reality. The defensiveness from being what he perceived as betrayal has subsided and he is left to face the cages he mentally put himself into and the fear that he was not as good of a man as he tried to project to others around him. Betty being the product of his transgressions since she is left broken and resentful toward him now.

 

Illicit Affairs (Augustine)-

 

Augustine finally pulls back the layers on why she continues to try to recapture the feeling that James gave her at a mere sixteen years old. Someone displaying all the confidence in the world may have had less than Betty in actuality. It was all a misconception. Instead, Augustine feels that her looks and sex are what she has to offer and by giving herself away, she hopes to capture lightning in a bottle one of these times. She recreates the same structure of what she had with James only to meet the same disappointment.

 

The beautiful setting of the beach house gives way to the parking lot behind the mall in a way. In some twisted way, James brokenness recognized Augustine’s and she had never been seen in real way before that and then not again after. James thought Betty’s level headedness would fix him and did not want to have to face himself via Augustine since they understood each other in the worst way. Like I said, that first taste left her living for the hope of it all and it was simply a dwindling mercurial high. A drug, though, that could work a hundred times over.

 

Invisible String (Taylor)-

 

Taylor’s stories are often on this album the only ones with direct references to actual places. This one references Centennial Park and Los Angeles. This is the story of Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn (William Bowery to some). This in and of itself is a modern day, currently in the making folktale. The idea of an invisible force bringing the two together to tell a great love story just like Taylor had always imagined. Here she self-references her own part in contributing to the media circus surrounding breakups and dating and owning her growth in those situations.

 

Allowing herself to live in the moment, she talks about the colors and touches of humanity this relationship has brought her. A deeper appreciation of the present and making memories that will one day make beautiful stories to tell for both themselves and for others that once tried to taint her narratives on hearsay. This is her story in her words and an expression of gratitude. Hell was the journey, but it brought her heaven.

 

Mad Woman (Taylor)-

 

This one is about the other one and his soon to be ex-wife. The one the masters were sold to. Shares a name with a two wheeled ankle destroyer and will also not be mentioned by me.  This is a slight reference to her Rebecca allegory in the sense that character assassination played a big part in that story, but not enough to say it’s a direct correlation. Although, it is interesting to note that they are hunting all of the witches even if you aren’t one.

 

Taylor gets raw about the cheating nature of the man in question whether it is in business or in relationships and how he should be called out for it. There’s a hardship in feminism, though. She watches as a woman who knows she is in the wrong defend the thief instead of the robbed. It explores the right to be mad when lied to or stolen from, particularly when you’re willing to go on record with false statements if they serve a certain narrative. Undeniably, this moment will go down in infamy for generations to come. In a word, folklore.

 

Epiphany (Taylor)-

 

Paying homage to her grandfather, Taylor sets a scene as a war rages on. Keeping your helmet to keep your life is a good direct correlation to mask mandates that swept the country as COVID-19 developed. The horrors of watching someone die for things that may have arguably been avoided sets the anguish apart in this song to any other she has done. This is the world in a life and death lens and nothing else. Trying to make sense of what she and the rest of us are seeing when it did not have to be this way.

 

The most hard hitting look at medical staff and the precarious position they stood in for both instances is found in the bridge. They watch to make sure someone is breathing. They stand in the face of danger and are contained to one place while a threat is posed but serve unselfishly and risk falling like the people around them in the hopes of reaching a breaking point or a point of clarity in the chaos. On a metaphorical level, this song establishes a very important piece of perspective for us to hold onto long after this virus is contained lest we forget.

 

Betty (James)-

 

The first injustice and a look into the dramatics of young love. We now at least get to know why James loves Betty so much and humanize him a little more for the things he’s been dealing with internally since a young age. He comes off a lot more charming here even if unsure. Possibly a reason why he leans on liquid courage later on, James is actually a bit shy in group interactions. This also causes him to avoid confrontation if it can be helped or talking about his feelings. He also has a tendency to fear loneliness as a result so he’s easily convinced to go along for the ride even if it isn’t the right decision.

 

However, here, he nervously plans for weeks to gather up the courage to ask for a second chance. From what we can gather, he was likely forgiven in this instance which made him more comfortable than before to do so again and again. The cycle started here with this grand gesture, but post-cheating, the damage was likely already done since he had gotten a taste of the thrill. Betty would serve as a constant, but she would not stand alone.

 

Peace (Taylor/Rebecca)-

 

Taylor knows she will likely always be speculated on, but she loves intensely even if no one else believes. Here, you can see her sympathy and understanding of someone like Rebecca who no one ever even considered that she may actually love her late husband. All she can ever hope for is that the person she dedicates herself to can recognize how invested she really is and can handle the storm that comes with that. She talks with her own pack of friends being wild and rowdy much like Rebecca, but hopes he never sees that as a sign of disrespect. It’s just who she is.

 

Everyone DID think the love was for show, but they knew nothing of what happened behind closed doors. Does a woman pace rocks staring out at the midnight sea who isn’t missing someone? I don’t think so. Painting dreamscapes on the wall referring to the home they share together. The very same place that tied Rebecca and Taylor’s stories together in the first place. I think Taylor learned to embrace the madness before the rest of Rebecca’s story became hers and stopped apologizing for being so loud but remembered to continue to let love in.

 

Hoax (Everyone)-

 

Every time I listen to this song, I hear a different character speaking to me. Then I realized each one was just taking turns. This one is a bit different so I’m going to break it down by character:

 

Betty- He had drawn stars around her scars, but the way he made her feel was just as bad as the pain they caused. She believed him each time he said never again. She let him back in time and again to be hurt in the same way, but nobody else would have done for her if he could just be the things he promised to be. She was bound to him even though he never came through.

 

James- He knows exactly what he’s done and that he cannot fix it now. He knows that she possesses a love for him that will never die, but that is unrealistic after a certain point. He resigns himself to having to miss her forever. The hero has effectively died, so the movie has lost a purpose in plot. He tried, but did not succeed.

 

Augustine- She had a plan for them. No matter the means in which to get it, she wanted him to love her the way he did Betty. She used slight of hand and a little convincing to lead him to her. It left her aching for more when she knew that would never come back. August slipped away and there was no winning. Winter came and the ground was frozen.

 

Rebecca- She stood out there screaming for a reason why she had to be left alone in the life that was supposed to be theirs. I don’t think she ever quite got past that feeling of abandonment and just needed anything to believe in. This beautiful mansion had become a kingdom come undone. Bill’s heart had given out like a broken drum.

 

Taylor- When you sign a record deal at such a young age and a man who has always taken care of you in that time suddenly becomes your biggest enemy, it can certainly feel like a total heartbreak. The hoax was making her believe that even if all was said and done he would at least have her back. He most certainly did not. She screams at the sun (now eclipsed) on the cliffside while he listens to her stolen lullabies. The part of herself that remains in New York being her life’s work.

 

Please let me know if you have anything to add! Any new perspectives I may have missed? I would love to further this conversation and find new ways to explore the Folklorian Wilderness!

 

-Ryan Freeman

[nico-idc]

random vent because i'm numb rn and feel like it

This is a vent post, ill probably talk about su!cide, self h*rm, eating disorders and depression. I’ll also cuss a lot, and things will not be censored. Also, this may seem insensitive to people experiencing any of this, sorry about that.  Dont read this if youre triggered by that.

Also, this is my experience with mental health. Everyone deals with it differently. 

So, If anyone doesnt know, I have depression and anxiety. And right now, I’m feeling numb as it’s often described by people with depression. But, numb isn’t a very good description. I can still feel. I’ll still smile if you tell me a joke, or if something funny is on a video. I’ll still cry if there’s something super sad. Emotion is just watered down. I feel it, but not as much as I should. Me and my boyfriend were talking, and i couldnt tell him I loved him. It’s not becuase I dont love him, but I just cant feel much of anything, so I dont want to tell him I loved him. Becuase If i did that, I felt as though I was lying. The funniest thing is, I randomly started crying. Still felt nothing, but hey, I had tears streaming down my face. Who fucking knows why. 

I havent been doing to great for a while now, but this is the worst i’ve ever gotten. Ive never felt numb before. I mean, I’ve felt myself starting to go through the motions, but i’ve never gone completely numb before. And before this i’ve had a few mental breakdowns. Hell, I’ve sat in a corner twice in the past month or so doing nothing but sobbing and begging myself not to move so I dont grab something sharp and cut myself. (I did not relapse, don’t worry). and recently I completely broke down over simply eating a cereal bar, got through it, ate it. I’m good now. 

Figures. That does seem to be my experience. Oh no, big bad issue one time, then magically I just talk myself out of my bullshit, and im fixed. Ha ha, yet I act like I have all these issues. I mean, I didnt even attempt to starve myself, just thought “oh, friends and family wont let me” and didnt. Had a breakdown about a year later, been fine since. Cut for a few months, went to therapy for a few months, stopped cutting. had a few breakdowns about a year or two later, then was fine. was suicidal for a while, went to therapy for a bit, was happy for months. Had breakdowns every now and then, fine now.

ha ha, first time I say alot of this is online. Figures. I’ve done that a lot too. My boyfriend has found out a bit about my depression through this site. Becuase I cant talk to my boyfriend about my shit, but hey random people on the internet! hear about my problems.

So on another note, I recently found a song that describes part of depression pretty well. It’s called “i’m not dead” by boyinaband. it’s linked below, I’ll copy paste the lyrics, and explain how I relate, and what the lyrics mean to me, becuase why not? (lyrics will be in bold)

I'm not dead

I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet

Basically, this means that im still here, im still depressed, but I’m still trying to fight depression. 

I'm sick of saying that I still don't have anything done

I hate telling friends I'm trying something just to give it up

I never commit to anything, I just say I’ll do something, then decide I dont want to.

I'm still unsure of my emotional state

I'm still incapable of focusing lately

I don't feel like creating

I'm tired of asking Google how to find motivation

I’ve been on break from writing for months now. tried to get back to it, lost concentration. I think this is self explanatory. 

I don't think I've ever made

Something that's as good as I'm capable of

Ha, I dont put in enough effort and commitment to make something as good as possible.

I hate not having a reason to look my best

I only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet

I mean, I dont try to show the internet, but I only take care of myself when other people will see me.

If what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then

I am so so glad that I hated myself

The only thing that makes me do things is extreme stress.

I didn't luck into this position

I struggle with decisions

I mean, im not in any high position, but I do struggle with decisions. 

I wouldn't be my own friend

I'm too inconsistent

I’m inconsistent as hell. I’m in like 10 group chats, don't talk in any of them for months, then just show up like “hi, havent talked to you all in ages, but hi”. 

Without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished

If these words make it to your ears it'll be a fucking miracle.

Yep. I went on  whole rant about this on wattpad. Without pressure to do something, I don’t do it.

I'm fortunate to know more good people than most do

I wish I had more friends I could be physically close to

I dont personally have a lot of friends that dont live in my city, so the last line isnt an issue, but I do know a lot of good people”

I'm pretty good at like 20 different skill sets

At the expense of never being great at any one of them

I’m good at quite a few things. Drawing, math, even writing. But im not great at it. I’m average.

I wish this beat hit harder

I wish more syllables rhymed

I know 99 percent of people really don't mind

I dont personally relate to this, seeing as I dont make music.

I think collaborating forced me to finish things

'Cause I was terrified of wasting famous people's time

Oh yeah. Group projects would not get done if i wasnt scared of wasting my partner’s time.

I wish I could focus on what I define priority

I wish I was as grateful as I want to be

Dont really relate to these things

I wish I knew more people who were mentally stable

But if I did,

I wouldn't let them waste their time on me while I'm disabled

Oh yeah. Id love to have a friend who isnt depressed, but I wouldnt let them see that im fucked up becuase i dont wanna drag them down.

I feel alone

I know I'm not

I have a lot of friends, but I still fell alone in this world

I used to talk to lots of people.

Lately I've stopped

They didn't deserve it,

I've been a terrible friend.

But I couldn't bear to let myself become boring to them

I ignore group chats all the time. no reason. Probably shouldnt. 

I don't let myself get my hopes up.

I love people who do.

Something good happens? what could go wrong? that is my thought precess.

I never know if what I say I feel is the truth

I have no damn Idea what I think, so its so hard to know what the truth in my head is.

I wish I didn't instinctively try to be less specific

So more people could relate, when they read along with the lyrics.

Not lyrics, but if i write/explain something, I immediately generalize things so its relateable.

I can be happy in the moment

I am not when I reflect

I smile watching youtube, but then I look back and think about how I wasted time.

I distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better

I hate it

Youtube will cure depression right? /s

I wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt

But I've gotta put on my own oxygen mask first

This is just an important phrase I try to remember when I’m down. for people who dont do well with metaphors, he’s saying that if you want to help people, you need to help yourself first. 

I can't predict what I'll do.

I can never be sure

I am terrified of making promises any more

I can't face my work,

I feel sick from the word

I genuinely believe I'm capable of changing the world

Don’t relate much here, except for the more positive, upbeat tone the song takes on, and i feel that this part, the part above and everything below is dave fighting his depression.

I still think I can get better

I’m holding onto hope.

I still think I can create and get pleasure from it

I hope so, I want my art and writing to improve.

I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree

The eternal stuggle. I always try to get the two to line up, it rarely works. I try to use logic more often though.

And become the best version of me

Always trying to improve myself.

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

There’s alot this could mean. I dont want to stop creating. I dont want to stop fighting. I dont want to stop getting better. I dont want to stop living. I relate to all these things.

I’ll expand on this more later, it’s too late now for me to continue this

[humanoidmindbox]

Us Vs. Them

Abstract

In this essay, I will be assessing my personal feelings and attitudes toward different and defined groups. During this analysis, I will be breaking up the population into four groups: Us, Them, Allies, and Enemies. These groups have been formulated by and based on the workings and fields of psychology, psychiatry, individuals with mental illnesses (including me) and how societal norms fit into issues raised in this paper. I hope you find this to be worthwhile and I hope this sparks the fire of your intellectual flame.

-‐----------------------------------------

The American population, in the terms of mental illness, psychology, and sociology, fall into one of four categories which are detailed below:

US

This group of people are those who suffer from profound mental illness. The affliction must be (Your illness doesn't have to be all of these things, but it must be most of them):

Chronic; recurring; cause suffering; affect your relationships with others; make it so you cannot keep a job; make it so you cannot function in society; possibly get government compensation for your illness; *been hospitalized in the psych ward; been arrested when your symptoms were active; reckless and/or impulsive behaviors; suicide attempt(s); and became violent when your symptoms were active. 

Them

These people are the majority of the population. They blindly follow pop culture and buy into what the masses are doing, believing, and saying. They do not have severe mental illness although they may be diagnosed with the garden-variety depression and anxiety. They have never been to inpatient for mental disorders, except maybe once, a long time ago. They will try to relate to you when it comes to mental health but they are just regurgitating what the trendy treatments and hardships are (the commonplace “social anxiety” is on the rage right now). In the inpatient hospital, the Them are the hospital staff. Especially the ones who give you the shot and put you in isolation. They are the ones who pink slip you and call the police. They think drugs are bad. You can’t truly trust Them. They don’t understand you and they probably never will. Most of Them are not hateful or mean. They are just ignorant, inexperienced, and constantly lecturing you or preaching to you. Most of Them view you as less-than, whether it is intended or not. 

Allies

Imagine a straight line down the middle of a square. This divides the “Us” and “Them” that we already went over. But directly on that line, not leaning to one side or the other, sits the “Allies.” The Us’s allies have most likely not gone to the mental hospital except maybe once, long ago. But they have a mental illness that brings them suffering. They may be in mental health treatment. They struggle almost every day and their behaviors reflect that. They are a part of society and will never and have never been deemed unfit to be a working part of society. They get along with others although they feel like no one completely understands them. They do not blindly follow all of pop culture’s rules and trends. They support the Us. We can trust them somewhat. They are our allies. 

Enemies 

The Enemies only exist within the “Them” group. They are the ones we must watch the most carefully and never trust. Most of “Us'' do not have many Enemies on the outside but we have plenty of Enemies on the inside (inpatient). The Enemies at the hospital are those who give you the shot after they have to hold you down when you’re screaming and thrashing around because you’re so fucking freaked out. They are the ones who put you in four point restraints and let you “tire yourself out.” On the outside, the police are the Enemy for apprehending you while they get a pink slip. They are anyone who pink slips you. The Enemy tells you that you’re crazy when you know you are doing well. They threaten the hospital and hang it over your head. The Enemy treats you unfairly because something that you cannot control or help is wrong with you. The reason why Them can never be fully trusted is because any one of Them could become the Enemy at any time.

-------------------------------------------------------

I first felt the “Us Vs. Them” divide when I started frequenting mental hospitals. And when I started showing signs of severe  symptoms of mental illness. In the hospital, you are a “rat in a cage” (Smashing Pumpkins song) with the staff holding the only key to get out. A drastic power imbalance exists between the staff and the patient: we are the prisoners and they are the guards. All we want to do is get out. All we want to do is go home. And if not home, then at least to a different, free place. 

When I had my major mental breakdown/manic episode of winter 2019, I had been taking my medications- they were just the wrong ones. In the cage, you must take your medications, whether you want to or not. Whether you trust Them or not. If you refuse medication, They take you to court and get a court order forcing you to take your medication while you are inpatient. 

There are some key ways that the “Us” and the “Them” are different in the mental hospital dynamic. They own your body: you are forced to take medications, you are locked in a box (hopefully not isolation). You can’t hurt yourself and if you do, you will stay longer (same goes for violence against others). They control your behaviors: They deem what is “appropriate” and “inappropriate” behaviors. If you break the rules surrounding these behaviors, you will get the shot, isolation, moved to a worse ward (for the more violent and disruptive patients), restraint holds, staying longer, or any combination of these events. The worst one I can think of is moving wards up a number. They try to brain-wash you: They say: “There is only one way to live life and we know the correct way to live it.” “The correct way to live is only what we arbitrarily and subjectively call “healthy coping mechanisms” and you must abandon all “unhealthy” ones in order to live life correctly and avoid being society’s pariah.” “Your only hope to be a functioning person is to abide by the teachings of CBT and DBT. All other methods will not work.” They have the opinion that their methods of recovery always  work and if you are not having positive effects from their treatments, you must be doing it wrong- they deny that their treatments do not work for everybody and fail to recognize that the “bad” coping mechanisms are the only way that certain people can get by.

When you are mandated as an inpatient in the hospital, you have no rights. They take away your rights as a person. They tell you where to go, what to eat, and they control how long you are in there, what medication you take, and worst of all- when you get put down like a dog with a shot or when you switch to a more severe level. You are treated like an animal in a cage, and there is nothing that you can do about it. Losing control of your own body to this degree leads to something inside of you breaking  and you turning into a feral animal (hospital song). After that happens (especially if it happens multiple times), you are never the same. 

There are laws to keep other people from harming you or your property. I believe that it is a good thing that these laws are in place and that they should be upheld. But there are also laws that are made to prevent you from harming yourself and I don’t think such laws should exist. Once again, I question what the authorities, our working society (Them) and the masses (Them) deem “harmful” and ultimately illegal.

Most people in society simply follow popular culture. They just look to what the majority of others do and follow suit. But they have blinders on: they don’t see that they come up with justifications and sorry attempts at reasons to back-up their choice to blindly follow the majority.

The authorities and society says:

Drugs = Bad→ Laws against it.

Self-harm = Bad→ No laws against it but there is intense societal disapproval and shaming connected to it.

*It is the least harmful on this list because it does not alter your mood or drastically change your brain chemistry for prolonged periods of time. But, apparently, it is the most shocking and the most taboo. 

Medication = Good→ Sometimes there are laws enforcing it.  

I believe all of these things can be good or bad depending on the specific person that it affects. Everyone is different and if you simply follow what pop culture’s opinion is on these issues without looking into them further, it shows ignorance, a lack of curiosity and exploration, rigidity, and a propensity towards the judgement of others. It often signifies that the “Them” in question is too weak to think for themselves and to withstand society’s brainwashing. 

I will never think of cutting or drugs as “bad coping skills.” “Good coping skills” consist of talking about your issues and crying according to the “Them.” And according to the hospitals, CBT, and DBT, good coping skills include activities like aroma therapy and drawing. But what do these things do? Nothing. You need a release or a change in the state of mind. Talking about what upsets you is just reliving it all over again. Plus, what if you do not trust anyone enough to tell them what's on your mind? Crying is bullshit. I feel that it is pathetic for me to cry. That’s just how I feel. I have trained myself not to. So why should I do something detrimental to myself when I am already in distress? “Good” coping skills don’t really work and only the simple-minded buy into them. “Bad” coping skills shouldn’t be judged as bad or taboo just because others have all-or-none thinking about them when it's the only thing that helps some people.

Medication: Taking medication should be the mentally ill’s choice. Medication is not right for everybody; it is not always the best thing to do. Not everyone likes themselves on medication. Who are we to judge if a person is the “correct” version of themselves or not? Forcing someone to take psychiatric medications is rooted in a power and control structure that overshadows others. I believe that we should leave others alone when it comes to this and let them live how they want to live. Just because we’re mentally ill, doesn't mean we have to do what you want with our bodies anymore.

In conclusion, I believe individuals and society as a whole should look beyond the systems of the law, procedures in mental health facilities, standard practices of therapies, pop culture trends/rules , and societal norms to find each of our unique spots in this society. We need to rethink what is considered “unhealthy” and what is “healthy” and why we put actions into those categories. We need to be more open and steer clear of letting others dictate what we believe. I’m tired of being lectured and shamed. Let's move on together. 

[sleepymccoy]

heyy guys! I’ve been working on this pretty seriously for about three weeks now and I think it’s done! It’s four hours long, which is insane, but I really considered every songs so have a look. I’ve got a detailed breakdown of each song and why it’s in there under the cut, but as a brief summary you go from some scene setting, to Aziraphale, to Crowley, to them breaking up, to the Apocalypse, to the Them, to Crowley and Aziraphale getting together.

There’s a real range of music. Mostly in the indie to pop to folk to rock zone. There’s no screamo or techno or anything, but there’s at least one rap verse and there’s a lullaby! Have a listen <3

Alright, some of the songs have more obvious connections to the story than others. I’m hoping they do all make sense to everyone without my additions, but I’m keen to explain some so I’m gonna go through it. I’m not gonna get too detailed on some of them, just tell you who I think they relate to. Some others I may write a bit, we’ll see

The first three songs are just place setting really. You’ve got the first rain, brought by God. The doves cry song is really beautiful and has a yearning vibe to it, some Eden references, and parental issues which is all kinds of God stuff, so I wanted it early on. I really love that song. And the Tom Waits tune! I love a bit of Tom Waits. This one’s the only one that arguably falls into the audience’s pov, but it’s also very the humans have left Eden. Everyone is just totally lost and wondering what’s gonna happen now.

The next section is Aziraphale’s, starting at Summer Wine. Fun side note about I’d Rather Be Your Enemy, that’s the first song I put in this playlist (alongside Amoreena, which I’ll explain later)! The song is about a relationship that’s broken up, but I like to listen through the lens of it’s them pre-arrangement, so Aziraphale is still pushing against Crowley’s company. 

Then we have a couple religious songs. Clemency could be about Crowley, and I think a lot of the lyrics reflect some of Aziraphale’s attitude towards Crowley, but I think it’s really about Aziraphale and his own doubt and the kind of unforgivable attitude Heaven takes towards doubt. It’s more a threat and a fear than it is a thing he’s done or is living with.

I Own You is such a baller song, it fucks me up big time. That one I encourage you to think of Gabriel’s invasive attitude with Aziraphale, he simply is never sure he’s alone. And just the fear of that, it would be horrible. Some of these lines I see as through Gabriel’s pov, others are Aziraphale’s. Killer Queen is a kinda way to cover how Aziraphale responds to that, he slides into embracing his earthy wants, playing very showy and posh as a way to make it palatable for Heaven if he can (also shout out for the only Queen song I didn’t pick a cover for instead. There would’ve just been too much Queen if I’d gone with originals). Heretic Pride is the culmination of the battle he has within when he finally starts to settle down into what he does like even though he gets shit for it all the time. 

Billy Brown is our first dedicated Aziraphale thinking about Crowley song. He’s in love and it’s tough and he’s not letting it happen. The next song is kinda how Aziraphale handles himself, he’s never going in seriously and he’s always got his escape ready. It’s a coincidence, I didn’t say anything, it’s just business, I don’t know him. I Say A Little Prayer is that strange dissonance Aziraphale has where he can be very emotionally unattached and I see this as those times when he calls Crowley a foul fiend or refers to how much better he is because he’s an angel and angels are good. 

Which Side Are You On? and I Feel A Sin Comin’ On are our segue into Crowley. It’s his first effort to convince Aziraphale to have a go at the Arrangement, he’s planting seeds and watching them flourish slowly.

Sympathy For The Devil (that song gets added points for saying every cop is a criminal) is some solo Crowley music, as is demons (what a cool tune, I love it). Amoreena has such pining Crowley vibes to me. He enjoys his time with Aziraphale so much and gets barely any of it. He’s just desperate. Goodbye Angels is similar to that, but also I think speaks to Crowley’s general loneliness. The next song taps into that a bit too, but also about how beaten Crowley is, how fucking impossible Hell must be.

Demons is Crowley starting to want to reach out to Aziraphale, but there’s a lot of self worth stuff in the way. Creep is just a big old self loathing song, it’s such an emotional song. Turn that one up, the recording is kinda quiet. 

Trash is the start of Crowley just throwing it to the wind (probs early Arrangement) and just leaning into what he wants. He’s still cool and so on, but he wants to spend time with Aziraphale and things are working now. The next song is kinda to say that even though they’re doing their best here, this is not a good fucking relationship yet. Like, it’s secret and they feel constantly guilty and they want more. They’re having a good time, but the threat and pressure from beyond is horrible. And they can’t actually be nice to each other yet! 

Where Evil Grows is the start of things improving and becoming kinder to each other. Aziraphale is starting to search Crowley out and it’s getting nice. From Eden is the same. And Lizzo! There’s hope in the air! Wishin’ And Hopin’ and even though the Apocalypse is coming Crowley asks Aziraphale to run away with him (Nightflight to Venus, Be My Husband) and it goes fucking horribly. 

When I Was Your Man through to Nobody are the breakup songs. 

London’s Burning is the bookshop. I realise it’s a lullaby, but it’s really nice.

when the party’s over and Tired as Fuck are Aziraphale and Crowley both immediately post the bookshop burning when they’re just in shock and grief.

The Man Comes Around is the kick off of the Apocalypse in earnest. The Show Must Go On is for everyone getting to the airbase to fix things.

Then we have a couple Horseman and Devil songs to really set the tone for the enemy. I love the God Rest Ye Merry Horseman so much, it’s just so funny

Lethal Combination is for the kids more than anyone else. On ya Adam. The next four songs are Adam’s struggle with how he’s going to use his powers. Then Wake Me Up is sorta the tip from anyone else having any say as the Them just get to work and fix everything.

Youth Of Today through to Trouble are for the Them, there’s a lot of Pepper and Adam in there. There’s a lot of power, team work, and environmental justice. It caps off with We’re All Gonna Die Someday, which is a fairly cheerful view on how miserable life on Earth is but that that’s kind of okay, and it’s worth celebrating

Walk Unafraid and Too Much Time are the shift in dynamic for Crowley and Aziraphale as they succeed against their bosses and find their freedom. 

Then it’s the romantic songs! It starts polite and nervous, gets kinda steamy then turns to comforting sorta love (with a reprise of Be Your Husband that’s a bit more cheerful) and domestic. I spent so long picking the last song, but I’m really happy with it. It’s so calm and content.

[piratewithvigor]

A Love Letter To Paul Stanley’s Take Me Away (Together As One)

A lot of people don’t know this song. In fact, unless you’ve listened to Paul’s 78 solo album, it’s unlikely you’ve ever heard it. It’s not the greatest song ever written lyrically, nor musically. You won’t see it on any ‘best ever’ lists. Not as a Kiss song, and not even as a song Paul wrote. So why am I writing it a love letter?

It might be because it was one of the six albums I got on my 12th birthday, the first day I began building my record collection. Printed vinyl featuring my biggest celebrity crush; it was bound to be one of my favourites. But even then, out of the nine songs on the album, why do I pick the final song off of side 1? 

Long-standing advice to authors is to show, don’t tell. Show your reader something and let them feel for themselves instead of outright telling them how to feel. Songs do the same thing. Through the music and through the lyrics. Ballads tell you to be sad or romantic or hopeful for the future. Hard-rocking numbers can tell you to be angry or excited. Examples go on. That’s how they tell you. How they show you, however. is the way the song is performed. Musically, it’s much easier to grasp by watching the song be performed, but vocally, an audio recording does just fine. 

People relate to lyrics. They write them down in notebooks and on hands and they think about them when they’re distracted. The lyrics of Take Me Away mean almost nothing. I’ve never written them down anywhere. Hardly ever even sung them. It’s the story of a breakup; something that’s been sung about thousands of times in every way imaginable. 

The difference between this breakup song and every other doesn’t lie in the lyrics. That would be telling. Paul shows us. To my knowledge, he wasn’t going through a breakup when this song was written (I could be wrong, I wasn’t around in 1978), but he shows us heartbreak. Fear. Exhilaration. The words he’s saying mean almost nothing, but as he sings, I feel. When I was 12, I had never gone through a breakup. But I felt every ounce of pain Paul showed me. I relished it. I related to it. Even now, after multiple deep heartbreaks, I feel understood listening to this song. 

The contrast between the verses and the chorus are what cause the emotions to stir. It follows the back-and-forth feelings of confusion and anger and sadness and eventually acceptance that go with a breakdown. The beginning and end are both soft with singing that keeps crossing the line into screaming filling in the blanks in between. It’s grief that fills five and a half minutes and ends with a sigh.

Of course, the entire point of showing would be moot if the backing track made the emotions we’re supposed to feel obvious. Is it a ballad? A power ballad, maybe? Sections could be a ballad, but half the song could also be a popular rock song if the lyrics were different. The track is careful to tell us nothing. It helps along the showing in the vocals. It doesn’t overpower. It adds.

This song has no important message of the times. It doesn’t feature exquisite musical talent. Hell, it doesn’t even have the best vocals of Paul’s career. I’m writing this love letter because no other song can make me feel so much while telling me so little.

[transmascfrankiero]

um thoughts on hamlet?

i’m sobbing thank you and i’m sorry in advance because this is going to be LONG

so my hottest take on hamlet (i have many, many hot takes on this play) is that ophelia’s suicide was a hoax, and that gertrude, the queen, straight up murdered ophelia instead. why do i believe this? many reasons:

1. throughout the play, gertrude and ophelia have almost no relationship in terms of interaction between them. many, if not most, stagings of the play place ophelia and gertrude on opposite sides of the stage when a scene has both of them in it, and gertrude’s dialogue toward and about ophelia heavily suggests that she doesn’t really care for ophelia at all. at best, she tolerates ophelia, and at worst, she treats ophelia like an interloper in her court, a flighty girl who drives her son to distraction and has as much to offer to gertrude as her father. (gertrude’s famous line, “more matter with less art,” is an annoyed outburst directed at ophelia’s father polonius, whom gertrude outwardly loathes.) in ophelia’s last scene before her death, she appears to have lost her mind to grief in the wake of her father’s murder, and wanders through a royal meeting handing out flowers and singing. however, she gives gertrude fennel and columbines, which represent adultery in flower language, and TELLS GERTRUDE AS MUCH, TO HER FACE. in case you’re unfamiliar with hamlet, one of the big conflicts in the play is that gertrude, hamlet’s mother the queen, married claudius, the king’s brother, approximately thirty seconds after the king died and there’s a rumor floating around court that they were hooking up LONG before hamlet senior fell victim to the classic poison-in-the-ear trick. (later it’s confirmed that claudius himself was the one who murdered the king. whoops!) so ophelia accusing the queen of adultery is of course a HUGE slap in the face, and ophelia only gets away with it because ~~~she’s mad with grieeeeef sob cry~~~ which is GENIUS and i have more theories about that particular action on ophelia’s but that’s another post for another day.

2. ophelia dies offstage. she is never seen or heard from again until her funeral in act V. the only reason we find out about ophelia’s death - and in fact, the only way we know how she died - is because gertrude tells us about it. yes, gertrude, weirdly enough! gertrude gives a monologue which describes in excruciating detail exactly how ophelia died, right down to the kind of plants that were getting caught in her dress as she drowned and what songs she sang as she slipped into her watery grave. the sort of details you would only expect a person who was there to witness the death could provide. sketchy, right? what’s even sketchier is that gertrude makes no mention of having heard this from someone else. she’s not like, “oh, this is the hot village goss, take a sip babes,” she doesn’t offer any explanation at all as to how this information got to her. she just dives straight into her ultra explicit account of the drowning. SUPER weird! and furthermore, why is gertrude of all people the one giving us this information when there is clearly no love lost in their relationship? couldn’t this have come from one of those rando shakespeare characters who show up for one scene, deliver a message, and then vanish again? well, sure, but it didn’t. it came from gertrude. and that was intentional on shakespeare’s part - he wants you to be suspicious of this information, beCAUSE...

3. the play itself tells us that the conditions of ophelia’s death are VERY SUS. the very next scene after gertrude’s macabre monologue is act V scene I, wherein two gravediggers are preparing ophelia’s grave for her burial and discussing between themselves why they’re preparing for a christian burial if she killed herself. (in shakespeare’s time, suicide was a sin, and people who committed suicide weren’t given proper burials because of it.) the dialogue goes like this:

GRAVEDIGGER 1: Is she to be buried in Christian burial when she willfully seeks her own salvation? (translation: Why is she getting a proper burial if she killed herself?) GRAVEDIGGER 2: I tell thee she is. Therefore make her grave straight. The crowner hath sat on her and finds it Christian burial. (After examining her, the coroner said she should get a proper burial.) GRAVEDIGGER 1: How can that be, unless she drowned herself in her own defense? (So what, she drowned in self-defense?) GRAVEDIGGER 2: Why, ‘tis found so. (That’s what they said she did.)

the text here indicates loud and clear that something about ophelia’s death is complicated, enough that there’s DOUBT about it being a suicide. and what’s more, there’s so much doubt that her death was a suicide, she gets to be buried for real in the eyes of God. but the text does not explicitly state what, exactly, is so weird about ophelia’s death. it just wants you to know that the whens and wherefores about it are strange, and that characters who are not emotionally involved believe it’s strange, too. it doesn’t stop there, either! the priest who’s going to perform the funeral ceremony says, in as many words, to the royal family, “Her death was doubtful.” interesting!

4.  gertrude has this TOTAL crocodile tears thing going on at ophelia’s funeral. after spending the entire play openly disdaining ophelia as a silly little airhead, here’s what she has to say at her grave:

GERTRUDE: Sweets to the sweet. Farewell! I hoped thou shouldst have been my Hamlet’s wife. I thought thy bride-bed to have decked, sweet maid, and not have strewed thy grave. (I thought I’d be covering your wedding bed in flowers, not your grave.)

kind of a weird, sudden change of heart for her to have about ophelia, right? you could argue that it’s grief-driven, that people gain new perspective after someone dies and maybe she’s just now realizing that ophelia was really a great person all along. but given just how few fucks she gave about ophelia when she was alive, it doesn’t make sense for her to be sad after ophelia’s death, unless she’s being performative about her grief. and yeah, she’s the queen, people are paying attention to how she reacts to shit and therefore on some level everything she does is performative, but it’s in particular how she relates her grief back to ophelia being her son’s girlfriend that gives me pause, beCAUSE...

5. there is, of course, that whole Oedipal reading of hamlet, where the reason hamlet and gertrude’s relationship is fifty shades of fucked up is because they’re sexually attracted to one another. while this reading of hamlet is mostly a freudian analysis that is treated as a sort of embarrassing joke nowadays by scholars and theatre folks alike, when you read the scenes between hamlet and gertrude - in particular the famous closet scene, from which the bulk of this analysis derives - you DEFINITELY get the sense that this relationship is weird and toxic for reasons that have nothing to do with the fact that gertrude married hamlet’s uncle. gertrude is really, really, really wrapped up in her son. but not in a loving, maternal sort of way - instead, it comes across as a narcissistic parent desperate to understand why their child has not turned out exactly the way the parent wanted them to be. gertrude continually accuses hamlet of acting out of pocket specifically to hurt her, and does not consider any other motivation for his actions. when he acts out of turn in court, it embarrasses her. his strange behavior reflects poorly on her as a mother and as the queen, and she doesn’t like it. she has a nervous breakdown over it in the closet scene, where she basically begs hamlet to be normal for her sake.

now with all of this in mind...

i believe gertrude, having gotten fed up with her son acting Weird and making her look bad all the time, decides that in order to exert SOME means of control over the situation, is going to take it upon herself to eliminate anything that could be the cause of his bad behavior. and the most obvious cause, at least to her, is ophelia. why would gertrude believe this? well, in act one, polonius encourages ophelia to break up with hamlet, because he’s worried hamlet’s gonna steal his daughter’s virginity (which, gross, but whatever, we’re not here to talk about that today). because ophelia’s an obedient daughter, she does so. then, in act two, ophelia runs to tell her father polonius about an encounter she had with hamlet in her bedroom, where he did a bunch of weird creepy shit and then left her a letter that expressed how desperately in love with her he was. polonius decides that hamlet’s gone nuts because ophelia dumped him, and the two of them tell the king and queen about their theory. claudius asks gertrude if she thinks the theory holds water, and gertrude responds that it might. later on, in act three scene one (i.e. “to be or not to be”), this theory is apparently confirmed - at least to polonius and gertrude - by the way hamlet treats ophelia.

so, the very first theory posited to gertrude about why her son’s acting weird is that it’s because of ophelia. and we’ve already established that a) gertrude doesn’t like ophelia, and b) gertrude is a narcissist. she’s desperate to make hamlet stop his bad behavior and therefore stop making her look bad. the worse hamlet’s behavior gets, the worse gertrude’s desperation gets to stop it. and everyone else in this play solves their problems with murder, so it tracks that gertrude would solve her problem with murder, too!

gertrude killed ophelia hoping that it would make her son would go back to normal. (and, if for some reason you like the Oedipal reading of hamlet, it could be argued that she was also jealous of ophelia. but i don’t really love the Oedipal reading, so i’m choosing to ignore this argument.) the fact that ophelia was apparently insane at the time just made it easier for her to make up the suicide alibi. that’s why she knows so much about the circumstances surrounding ophelia’s death - because she was THERE and she CAUSED IT. that’s why shakespeare has gertrude delivering the news of her death. that’s why the play tells us, repeatedly, that the circumstances of ophelia’s death are suspicious. because ophelia didn’t drown herself. gertrude totally straight up drowned her!

thanks for coming to my TED talk everyone

[captainrandomstranger18]

My dearest Captain,

Good morning! Or good afternoon I suppose, or whatever time it is where you are.

1. I would like to, but I don’t always

2. I do, intp

3. I’m not sure I fully believe in astrology, but I do enjoy it anyway. I’m a pisces

4. I’m cool with almost any pronouns, but most people just use she/her

5. Fanfic, but also sci-fi, fantasy, and adventure

6. I do indeed, I ship spirk, mcspirk, ineffable husbands, and more that aren’t coming to my brain at the moment

7. Toxic Thoughts by Faith Marie, because somehow I relate to pretty much everything in it, including the positive parts

8. A water filter, some sort of food, sunscreen, my phone(and a way to charge it), and maybe my guitar because that would be a great place to practice without fear of judgment

I eagerly await your response.

Sincerely,

L

Dearest L,

Good evening (since it is evening when I am writing this), or whatever time it is when you read this!

1. I didn’t used to, but now I kinda do believe in ghosts. As a matter of fact, I think I saw one once at a party (its kind of a long story, but I will tell you if you’d like.)

2. I’m an infp

3. I don’t really believe in astrology either but I think its fun. I’m a taurus 

4. I am also cool with any pronouns but most people who know me use she/her

5. I write fanfic, poetry, and I’m currently working on a fantasy/adventure rom-com series. It’s cool that you write sci-fi! That’s a genre that I’ve always admired but have never been able to write anything for. I would like to read some of your writings at some point (if that’s ok with you, of course).

6. Ohhh boy. I ship so many ships. I ship spirk, mcspirk, and ineffable husbands as well! Other ships of mine include daforge, garashir, cecilos (from welcome to night vale), and some others that i can’t remember. My first ship ever was Stucky so that one will always have a place in my heart. 

7. “Home” by cavetown. I once did an analysis of this song and how i relate to every single line in it. I like to listen to this song whenever im having a mental breakdown lol. (I just listened to Toxic Thoughts btw and that was a really really good song! I added it to my ever-growing playlist of songs i like.)

8. I would bring a lighter, a water filter, a tent, a journal/notebook, and a long book. (I don’t read nearly as much as I’d like to, so being stranded on an island would be a good opportunity, I think.) (Also you play the guitar? That’s so cool!!)

Now for some new questions (Also, if you ever want to propose any questions of your own, feel free to do so):

1. What are some things on your bucket list?

2. Would you rather suddenly turn into a tree or into a star? (the kind of star in space, not a famous person)

3. What is the best kind of dessert in your opinion?

4. Do you like frogs?

5. What is your favorite kind of animal?

6. Do you like plain, strawberry, or chocolate milk the best?

7. What were you for Halloween last month?

8. Have you ever jolted awake in the middle of the night with a brilliant idea, written it down, gone to sleep, woken up in the morning, looked at what you wrote, and then judged your past self? (This is based on personal experience)

9. If you were to wake up one day as a pirate captain, what would you do? What sorts of rules would you impose upon the crew?

10. If you had the chance to sword fight someone, would you?

11. If you could time travel to any point in history, past present or future, where would you go and why?

12. What youtubers / youtube channels do you like to watch?

13. What are three things you like about yourself?

14. If you could change anything about your life, what would you change and why?

Sorry I had so many questions this time, also sorry if they are getting more obscure / fantastical. 

I can’t wait for the next letter!

Yours Truly, 

M (Captain)