#this is a full on ESSAY

[ciil]

he is touching vik’s lil mole above his lip :3

[setaflow]

Gay pride happens in June and gay wrath happens whenever hbomberguy drops a 3+ hour video essay about a specific topic

[inbabylontheywept]

Soviet Birds.

The secret facility that I work in has holes in the ceiling. We don't know how to get them fixed.

We tried asking the government to fix it, once. We told them that the holes in the older parts of the facility had gotten large enough to fit birds through, and that birds were getting through, and that, perhaps, a Soviet Spy could fit through as well.

After all, it is well known that Soviet Spies and pigeons are approximately the same diameter.

Our hope was that that this vague and nonsensical threat would put a little fire under Uncle Sam's feet. If the fed couldn't be bothered to give a shit about the giant gaping holes in the roof of our facility, perhaps they could be persuaded to give a shit about... Soviet Spies.

This attempt at manipulation 100% blew up in our faces.

See, the government does not need to be persuaded to give a shit about Soviet Spies. It still wakes up most nights, drenched in cold sweat, terrified and confident that a Soviet Spy is hiding in their nightstand. If it sees a rock on the ground, it flips it over, pistol drawn, ready to shoot the Soviet Spy it fully expects to slither out from underneath. Which is to say: The government is crazy. So when we dropped those two words - inflitration risk - in the repair request, they came in guns-a-blazin'.

Does that mean that they fixed the roof? Of course not. Don't be stupid. No, instead of performing basic maintenance, they installed a state of the art alarm system throughout the facility - lasers, sonar, the works - and told us to always be on the guard. Because of the roof holes.

Then they left.

So now we had an extremely good alarm system... and birds. Which have combined in incredibly obvious and predictable ways to produce an unending fountain of problems.

For Example: About once a month, someone gets called in by the local airforce dispatch because AAAAAAAAAAA a Spy is in the Rad Lab! We're all gonna die! Except every time, it's a bird. And I get why we have to check, but every time, the dispatcher is panicked and the person going out has to be like listen, listen: It's a bird. It's always a bird. It's been a bird every month for the last fifteen years. It will be a bird next month. All this stress? Bad for your heart.

Second Example: Sometimes, birds get in while we're actually working. And when it's in the morning, you know, it's a nuisance, and it stops testing (we are not going to risk irradiating a bird) but it's not an all-hands-on-deck situation because it doesn't take ten hours to get a bird out. But surprisingly often, the bird gets in riiiiight at closing time, and in that situation, everyone goes feral because nobody can leave until the alarm is set, and we cannot set the alarm while the bird is there, because the bird would immediately trigger it and then we'd have to stay another 4 hours to confirm that it was not a Soviet Bird.

So in order to go home, everyone's top priority is Get That Bird. And we have a system for it.

Step 1: The test stands tend to be located in rooms with 30+ foot ceilings. We can't catch birds in places like that - so we have to lure the bird into the relatively low ceilinged (8 feet only) upper offices.

We do this by turning all the lights off in the test rooms, then putting floodlights by the exits. I don't know why this works - some kind of evolutionary brain fragment shared by both Bugs and Birds - but work it does. The birds almost always follow after the lights. From there, it’s just two guys moving the floodlight and a third guy to turn off the lights.

Step 2: Everyone else has been waiting for this step. There is this long stairway up from the basement level into the offices, and in the final stage, the floodlights are brought to the base of the stairwell to bring the bird up. At the top of the steps there will be a group of tennish people, waiting for the signal. The light guys will set up the final transfer, everyone will tense, and then, swish...a bird will flit up the stairs and into the offices.

It's like watching werewolves on a full moon. Before the bird cometh, we are engineers. Nerds. Pale and skinny things, trembling under the fluorescent lights. After the bird, we are beasts. Feral, gnawing things, glowing under the orange sunrise of the 70's halogen floodlights.

And like all beasts, we cannot help but give chase.

Step 3: The were-engineers begin the hunt. The goal at the start is not really to catch the bird - just exhaust it. So the pack simply does not relent. Because the stakes are going home on time, the group is basically given free reign to go anywhere in the building. If someone's door is open, and the bird goes inside, they're going to have to deal with ten sweaty panting maniacs leaping around their office. They don't get to say that they're busy, or remark on how all this movement is a terrible distraction. They are allowed to sit in silence during the chaos, and perhaps thank the war party for chasing the bird while they sat comfortably on their ass. This has been explained several times, and it will continue to be explained until cooperation is achieved.

Anyway.

The chase can go on for quite some time. Sometimes, the bird will get tired and find a crevice to hide in, where it can then be reached through standard cornered-bird catching techniques.

Other times, it will slow down enough that someone can actually yoink it out of the air. But this will go on until someone catches the bird and triggers Step 4.

Step 4: The Finale. This is the get-the-bird-out-of-the-building stage, and it requires someone to adopt a specific role: To Become the Sacrificial Vessel of Bird Removal.

This job is both coveted and feared. It's coveted, because holding a wild bird in one's hands is a precious thing. To feel how small, and fragile, and scared it is, only to free it from the building? That is what it's like to be a benevolent God. But the cost! Oh, the cost. The entire time the Vessel is in motion, the bird will be biting the hell out of their fingers. And I cannot emphasize enough just how painful bird bites are. Their entire face is a set of needle posed pliers, and they know tricks the even the cartels haven't figured out yet. So there's always a little hubbub about who shall be The Vessel while onlookers, stranded outside The Office of Bird Capture, can only look on. Quiet arguments and pleas are heard, little fragments of fear and pride and glory trickling out of room like the silver dust left behind in a bag of well shook quarters. The sound of concensus is silence, and the argument will go on until that's all that's left. And then, from the darkness of the final office, the chosen sacrifice will step forward: Hands gently cupped, tears streaming down their face, fingers trembling from the pain of the ongoing bird chomps.

And this scene is what organizes people. Not leadership, not truly. No one can think and coordinate a crowd while their fingers are being attacked with a combination nutcracker/ear piercer. But the crowd sees the suffering of their annointed, and it is driven to do everything poossible to make the process flow. People instinctively flair out, finding the fastest path outside. Doors are held open. Paths are cleared. Someone, somehow, always knows the way forward and can describe it to the sufferer. Left, left, forward. Corner closet. Yep, there's a hall in there. Forward. Two-hundred more feet man, you're doing great. Just hold it together a little longer. You're killing it.

Then the final door swings open, and the bird flees out into what remains of daylight. And yet, even here, the deed is not yet done. I cannot explain it in words, but the crowd that helped is never content until they can see and speak on the Bird Vessel's wounds. They all have to pull the fingers back and see what was given. Estimate the price: One day to get better - No, three - No, a week! Are you blind? Do you see that blood blister? -Yeah, that's not going away anytime soon - Damn, can you believe how feisty those things are? Like wolves without teeth.

(They cannot help but touch as they go. It has always been this way. Even Thomas was not content until he felt the wounds in Christ's hands.)

Only when the last of the helpers has seen, and commented, and commended, will the engineers scatter. It is their return from the underworld that announces to the sun living surface dwellers that they too can go home. (@somerunner tolja it needed to be a post.)

[givemeureyes]

do you think that dean calls cas “castiel” one time and cas shatters every light bulb in the bunker

[minyard-05]

no no no guys do you. Do you get it.

^^^^ this wasn't aaron warning neil off of andrew!! this was a test!!

it was a test in the exact same way andrew threatening katelyn at the library was a test, the same way andrew drugging neil at eden's was a test– this is aaron assessing neil as a threat to andrew and to him. if he'd wanted andreil to be over, he would've fucking said it– he would've outright told neil to stay away from his brother. but he doesn't. he asks why. admittedly, he doesn't do it in the best of ways, but that's the point. he purposefully gets neil angry to see if he'll slip up and give something away. that's why he brings up drake and that's why it had to be aaron. aaron doesn't give a fuck what neil thinks of him, he's well aware that neil doesn't like him and he doesn't care. but he's able to get to him through andrew, essentially, and if anything, aaron's right. neil is exactly as much of a violation of their deal as katelyn is– aaron is approaching the situation the exact same way andrew did. andrew understands that, so if he did know that aaron talked to neil (and i think he probably would've figured it out if neil doesnt tell him), he wouldn't be able to hold it against him the same way aaron can't hold andrew's threats to katelyn against his brother.

nicky is the one that thinks it's hate sex, aaron thinks its something else. neil passes aaron's test the second he punches him, really. the fact that he leaves after neil admits he doesn't think andrew would fight for him is clear evidence– aaron didn't approach that conversation expecting neil to admit he was just using andrew (and if he had, aaron probably would've punched him)– he went into it knowing that it had to happen in order for the deal to be ended. neil tells aaron to figure out what you have to do to make him let you go, and that's exactly what aaron does. he figures out that neil is how he breaks the deal and he takes that to andrew as an ultimatum– either they keep the deal and break things off with both of their partners, or the deal is over; andrew keeps neil, aaron keeps katelyn.

aaron minyard is a LOT smarter than he lets on– the reason we don't see all of this play out is because neil doesn't realise that he's technically part of that deal.

[losersolace]

i think neither nico nor will is freaked out by blood and things of that nature. i see them sitting at the dinner table like “and then the monster just EXPLODED and its guts went EVERYWHERE—“ while calmly eating and the ppl around them are like ???

[the-crooked-library]

something something the symmetry of horror and seeing yourself in the abyss reflected

[fridgrave2-0]

hehe ghost-turbo haunting felix au

turbo is connected to the last piece of his code in the whole arcade - a trophy he gifted to felix in mid 80s as a symbol of him genuinely caring about their relationships on par with being the best racer. felix also gave him one of his medals and both kept their gifts next to other rewards, but when roadblasters and turbotime were unplugged, the medal was gone with everything else

now, after burning in cola-lava turbo is basically dead, but scraps of his code still were intertwined with the trophy (after all, it was his first winner's cup, but felix never knew about it), giving turbo an opportunity to exist as a shadow incapable of interacting with anything and anyone besides felix, who kept the trophy even after the roadblasters incident

also I went crazy in tags, feel free to check them out

[dark-lord-tom-returns]

Granny Weatherwax embodies "with great power comes great responsibility" better than any iteration of Spiderman ever has. Granny is the most powerful witch in the entire Disc and she hardly ever uses it. She knows that solving peoples problems with magic, with power, just means that she has to keep solving them with more magic and more power. That the only responsible way to have power is to not use it unless there is no other option and every other possible option has failed. In this essay I will

[jess-tra]

madame odile tries a marshed mallow 🫡

[licorishh]

i be like "i miss rex a normal amount" and then i almost pass out watching scene packs

(alternate versions under the cut because i am indecisiveeee)

[mellounir]

it's all over now, baby blue

[emilys-axford]

i know i talk about it all the time bc it’s one of my favourite lines from fantasy high but sandra lynn saying to fig “everything you’re going through is something that i get i was just like you” in light of her (most likely) being groomed by bobby dawn, with figs ill-advised interactions with older men in freshman year….. ya i’m thinking about it

[samijey]

samijey + verbally hurting each other (and immediately regretting it)

[mythalism]

i have to release this in ur walls i think but everytime i see that "solas loved lavellan less bc he loved his duty more/abandoned her for it" take i realize how little of the fans / consumers of these games have in terms of cultural understanding of revolution & rebellion... i had relatives who were assassinated or died fighting for my country. like as in great uncles who would've been alive & well to see me grow up had they not met their end the way they did. and their headstones say "beloved husband, father" like they didn't love their family any less. they died doing what they thought would lead to our freedom (and it did!) and by the logic & means of some takes they "prioritized" rebellion before their safety

like people love romanticizing the idea of rebellion, of uprising etc, they love reading stories / fairytales ab knights etc and it's like wow suddenly it's boring & trite & abusive in a game where said romance is an option in a sea of options? like suddenly now devotion to a cause is wrong? abhorrent?

these people would not survive an eastern european winter. let alone its history and the family stories it spawned in every household.

you have written so many masterpieces in my inbox but this by far takes the cake

[anxious-chaos-art]

I saw the meme and immediately thought of them XD

More variations and og undercut!

💖💖💖💖