#I could be yours go fuck yourself
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you ever find a song that physically hurts to listen to? Not because of volume or anything but just- psychic damage…
#I could be yours go fuck yourself#fuckin beautiful fuckin song#like it hurts my heart to listen to#fuck him man#the fingerstyle guitar with the simplistic vocal melody is really effective#it’s very nostalgic and bittersweet and so naive#like it’s absolutely a song written by a young person in love and just ouch#fuckin ouch#anyway go listen to I could be yours by Mr Andrew Hozier Byrne#it’s unreleased but there’s a vid of him playing it and he looks like he’s college age or smth#fuckin dick#great song
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Lab shenanigans
Characters: Viktor, Jayce, Reader
A thread following the chaotic trio that is, laboratory illustrator!Reader, Viktor and Jayce being unsupervised in the lab.
Note this takes place during season 1:
Gender Neutral!Reader who got hired as the lab illustrator because neither Jayce nor Viktor can draw and they need an illustrator to document all their official papers with recognisable diagrams of their inventions.
The next part
Masterlist
Reader who was just freshly been employed as the lab illustrator, sitting diligently at their new desk whilst Jayce fetches the research folder and Viktor tinkers away in the background.
Reader who lets Jayce set down the heavy folder on their desk, which holds all of the pair's research as well as hundreds of cruedly drawn sketches of inventions such as the Hexclaw and early drafts of the Hexgates, drawn by both himself and Viktor. (They are not drawn well, and it is only because most of the drawings are labelled with big, obnoxoious arrows that you actually know what you're looking at).
Jayce pausing in his explanations of the tech on each page and his promises to pull everything out of storage when you need it for a refence, slowly trailing off when he catches sight of your reaction to the drawings: "Why are you making that face?"
Reader who is diligently flicking through the pages and trying not to crack up at the poorly drawn stick figures, and the messy, uneven parallel lines of wires and robotic arms, and the scribbled oblong that is supposed to be one of the gemstones. They're not half bad attempts from people who focus their energy and time into math equations and flowery research papers, but that doesn't mean they're not amusing to look at.
"What face? I'm not making a face."
Reader turns all of their attention down to the pages and proceeds to fail at smothering their snort as the concept sketch of one of the Zaun suits. They push the folder back along the desk, to create enough space to prop their elbows on the table, to pinch the bridge of their nose hard to try and school themselves into some form of calm.
"Why are you laughing?" Jayce asks, sounding geniunely confused.
Whilst Reader tries to save face by responding, "I'm not. I'm just- uh, coming to terms with how much work I have ahead of me."
Jayce frowns.
The commotion has caught Viktor's attention.
"Well, it is a lot." Jayce allows, "but we won't rush you. The deadline is months away after all, and if-"
His words fade into the background in your mind as Viktor chooses then to roll over on his wheelie office chair to see what's going on, only to immediately grin in understanding. He rolls his chair up on the adjascent side of your desk, mouth pulled into a wicked smirk as he points to a particularly wobbly zaun suit drawing. "That would be one of Jayce's masterpieces."
Jayce lets out an offended noise, whilst Viktor takes malicious joy in flipping through the folder to point out which other drawings were done by Jayce. Most of them are wobbly and uneven, but have clearly been mapped out with steady, slow care.
In retaliation, Jayce swipes the folder out of Viktor's gleeful hands, and pointedly flips to a fresher page dated back to a couple of days ago. You catch a glimpse of the title 'hexcore', scrawled across the top in confident letters, before Jayce is turning the folder back to you and loudly proclaiming the work of art as Viktor's.
[The ‘hexcore’ has been drawn with wobbly, uneven lines that lacked the sleek, parallel look of the actual subject, with poorly recreated runes that did not at all take into account perspective or foreshortening.]
Reader loses it at the attempt, whilst Jayce and Viktor continue to squabble with one another in the background.
I just NEED all three of them to spend countless hours in that laboratory getting stuck in their respective tasks (creative Vs Scientific) and all three of them come out aching and satisfied by the time the janitor comes round to kick them out for the night, despite doing jobs that require different parts of their brains. The overlap of countless, almost unsolvable equations, with the hours of staring at a blank page and slowly but surely coaxing out an image, it just so precious to me somehow.
Bonus points of course, if Jayce and Viktor are getting really into a scientific debate across the room by the chalkboard, flinging enormous words back and forth at one another, whilst Reader slowly dies inside trying to make the metal part of an invention LOOK like metal.
I just need Reader allowing the background muttering and excited exclamations to sooth them as they carefully draw another diagram above a neatly scrawled out text box of the pair's latest concept.
Jayce: “Yes! That could work! What do you think, Y/n?”
Reader: Head snaps up at being addressed. “Uh…”
They blue screen as they come back to reality and realise they haven’t moved in hours and their back and neck desperately ache from the movement. They're suddenly starving, and hungry, and really need to pee, but didn't notice before because they were so engrossed in their work. Kind of like how the other two get about their research.
Viktor being a night owl and working on projects late into the night.
Jayce being smart and taking cat naps on his desk because he's an early bird, but a deadline is coming up and he refuses to be defeated by exhaustion.
And then you have Reader. Who is not being supervised in the kitchen, where they've made their fifth coffee and with shaking, caffeinated hands, they begin pouring in a generous helping of a Piltover energy drink.
Viktor hears the can pop.
He says your name warningly. "You better not be making that culinary monstrosity again."
Instead of responding, they knock back the whole mug in desperate gulps, ignoring the rancid taste and shivering from the mix of burning liquid with the pop of hundreds of tiny bubbles.
The mug gets slammed loudly back on the counter. Viktor sighs heavily and pushes his wheelie chair towards Jayce's desk.
He wakes him up, with a prod of his cane into his side.
"I'm about to have a breakthrough." He explains quickly motioning to his desk. Blary eyed and clearly not fully awake yet, Jayce nods along. Viktor points dramatically to Jayce and then in the direction of the kitchen. "You're on assistant duty for the next half an hour."
The tiredness leeches out of Jayce's face. "They didn't-"
"They did."
"But they've already got caffeine shakes!"
"Tell that to the sound of the kettle bubbling away and the pop of a can lid. It has already happened Jayce. All we can do now it keep the damage to a minimum."
On silent feet, Reader's shadow appears on the other side of the desk. Both men jump. The light overhead casts their face into shadows and somehow makes their eyes glow. It is a terrifying sight.
Viktor recovers first. "We need to put a bell on you!"
"Kinky. Now, whatdoyouwantmetodrawnext?!" Their assistant rushes out in a single breath.
And both scientists pale. It was already beginning then.
The next four hours consists of Jayce struggling to keep his eyes open whilst Reader pokes fun at him and offers up their 'creation', Jayce firmly declining and trying to get on with his work, whilst Viktor keeps to himself and snorts periodically at the banter.
Reader draws and draws and then rubs out, before diligently getting back to drawing again. There is a frenzy to their marks. A wildness to their eyes. The scratch and scritch of their pen, getting lost amongst the sound of cogs turning and screws tightening and Jayce's yawning. So much so that when it suddenly ceases, neither of the scientists notice at first.
Not until Viktor asks for a warm tea, only for the previously eager assistant not to respond. He lets out a fond sigh, Jayce straightening up from his own work.
Reader is passed out on their sketchbook, having FINALLY crashed.
Viktor gets up to make his own tea.
Jayce shrugs off his jacket, and puts it over their shoulders as a makeshift blanket. The man has such broad shoulders that it practically swallows the assistant from sight, but they do not stir.
"That'll give them an awful neck ache tomorrow." Viktor observes aloud.
Jayce snorts. "Maybe it'll be enough of a punishment to stop them making that foul concoction."
"Unlikely."
Jayce just shakes his head and collapses back onto his desk and lays his head down on his arm. "Ten minutes." He mutters out before closing his eyes.
Viktor hums. And by the time he gets his tea back to the desk, his partner is out like a light, just as he had predicted.
"I CANNOT believe you're making me do this Jayce." Viktor exclaims sarcastically.
"Viktor. Please let me get that cog for you. Just this time. Please!"
"Oh no, no, do not get up on my account." Viktor firmly dismisses as he shimmies down his cane, one hand over the other all the whilst making exaggerated groaning noises.
Jayce is practically vibrating in place. "Please! It is literally all the way under that side board. Can I just slide it out for you? You can pick it up yourself."
"Oh no, do not strain yourself!" Viktor insists, sitting himself down on the floor, one hand holding his cane up as he shoves his other arm under the side board.
"VIKTOR!" Jayce all but whines, and takes a step forward.
"Ah!" Viktor immediately reprimands. "Y/n get the spray bottle!"
You've been watching the entire scene in amusement from your desk. Quietly giggling at Viktor's ribbing and Jayce's desperation to be useful. They make a rather amusing duo.
Jayce's eyes have jumped up to you. Frozen mid-step, eyes pleading.
You grin, pointedly reaching across the gap between yours and Viktor's desks to grab said spray bottle.
On the floor, Viktor makes a triumphant noise, before straightening up and brandishing the cog above his head. "Got it!" He exclaims, before slamming the blasted thing onto the side board. Then he tries to clamber back up his cane to his feet. He is unsuccessful as his leg decides not to co-operate this time.
He sighs. "Jayce." He says heavily, "as punishment for making me get down here in the first place-"
"What?! I've literally been-"
"As reprimand for your dastardly crimes. You are obligated to offer me one hand. But ONLY one, or your punishment shall evolve into death by spray bottle." Dramatically, he holds out his hand to his exasperated partner.
In support, you give the spray bottle a little squeeze in Jayce's direction, to which he shoots you a dark look. You merely grin back.
Then Jayce offers Viktor his hand, their fingers wrapping around the others wrist. "Slow." Viktor instructs, as he readjusts his legs into the right position. Jayce nods.
Then Jayce gently pulls Viktor up as Viktor balances between his feet and his cane.
"Thank you." He says, patting Jayce on the cheek, before promptly turning on his heel to retreat back to his desk.
They're so silly, I love them so much.
The next part
#for the purpose of this imagine neither Jayce nor Viktor can draw#No#hush my child#gently closes your mouth before you can provide evidence to suggest otherwise#just let it happen#I dissolve into the void as you stare on in confusion#arcane#arcane season 1#arcane viktor#arcane jayce#Viktor x Reader#Jayce x Reader#Jayvik#Reader#Could be platonic#could have romantic undertones#I leave you to decide for yourself#if it is romantic you bet its going to be a poly relationship#fix-it#I'm ignoring season 2#it was so fucking good#but my sillies need to be happy tooooo#Jayce x Viktor x Reader#Jayce & Reader#Viktor & Reader#Jayce & Viktor & Reader#Got ideas of your own? I'd LOVE to hear them#gender neutral reader#jayce talis x gender neutral reader#viktor x gender neutral reader
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hate to say it, but part of ending the stigma around sexual assault means not assuming every woman blames herself. yes, female socialization encourages it, but that doesn’t make it a given, and the goal of all of these campaigns is to eventually diminish the proportion of women who do blame themselves. it is entirely possible, and increasingly common, for women to experience sexual assault and not feel shame or guilt, which we should be happy about. but instead, there are only so many times you can hear “you know it’s not your fault, right?” before it sounds like “it was your fault”. and there’s only so many times you can hear “don’t blame yourself” before it sounds like “you should blame yourself”. because it feels good to say, doesn’t it? sure, you don’t believe she’s guilty, but you do believe she should feel guilty, so that you can disabuse her of the notion. just something to consider.
#i think we are very pleased with the idea of female shame#even among people who genuinely do not believe women are at fault for being assaulted#you are still meant to pay the penance of suffering and self destruction#god fucking knows why#“i got mugged” “aww don’t blame yourself for walking around with those fancy shoes and visible wallet okay? it’s not your fault”#you’d be like girl what. i didn’t fucking say it was my fault but your mind sure jumped there fast 🤨#“my mom died” “wow. do you feel terrible crippling shame for everything you’ve ever done wrong in your life?#up to and including causing your mom’s death? because that would be totally wrong if you did”#like how could that possibly be an appropriate response#genuinely i think the feeling that i was going completely insane post-being raped because no one would believe i didn’t blame myself#was like. solidly half as traumatic as the actual event#like. it is okay not to feel guilty and shameful. it’s great actually. you’re not having the wrong response.
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I went through the second half of my ADHD testing today. And we had some time left. She asked me how I was feeling, towards the end, about the questions and the issues I'd talked about, and I told her about my anxiety and guilt over the things I'd mentioned, and my fear even now that I'd get through this whole process just to hear 'It's not ADHD, you're just lazy, just try harder.' When I told her that she gently said, "well I want you to know, you do have ADHD. You have it. You don't have to feel anxious about that anymore." And ya'll, the way I just started to cry.
I have it. I have it, and I class as 'severe' ADHD.
All those times as a kid I got in trouble with teachers for forgetting things or not being able to focus. All of the, 'you do well in reading, you're smart enough to focus on this, too, don't be lazy, you just need to try, why don't you care?'. All of the projects I started but couldn't finish, the forgetting to reply to messages and texts from friends and losing friendships over it, the clutter I can never seem to manage, my shit attention span, the way I couldn't just get shit DONE, the failed attempts over and over and over to organize and task manage and I don't understand, I'm trying, I promise I'm trying, please, I'm trying, why isn't it working. All those years spent wondering why I was such a fuckup when everyone else appeared to breeze through projects and Normal Adult Tasks without forgetting or losing focus.
And now I know it wasn't my fault. That I was trying. That I did care. That I wasn't lazy. My brain just... doesn't work the usual way. I was doing the best I could with the wrong tools, because all my life I've needed a screwdriver and all I had was a hacksaw. And now, NOW I can finally go to to the doctor for medication, go to therapists who can help and I can finally get the right set of tools. I know now one of the reasons I'm so anxious thanks to this: "I've found that people with late diagnoses often struggle with guilt and shame, and a lot of internalized ableism, because they've dealt for years with people accusing them of being lazy or just not caring."
It is so, so gd validating, especially on top of the surprise diagnosis of 'oh yeah and you're on the spectrum and that's why you've always struggled with these other things!' It feels like there's this weight off my shoulders and it's amazing.
#i feel so fucking validated#and i wish i could go back to kid pasta and take her little cheeks in my hands and go#'hey. hey. this is not your fault. you don't have to hate yourself. there's nothing wrong with you. your brain is just different.'#and the release of this guilt is so gd huge because now I know it wasn't some huge character flaw#i wasn't a bad kid or a bad student or a bad person#i still have the anxiety but like... i feel like there's this weight of no small amount of guilt and self loathing#that's at least partially drained away now#because godDAMN did i secretly feel like a horrible person and i had no explanation for why i kept 'fucking up' other than 'it must be me'#and now i know#adhd#adhd diagnosis
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some of you need to hate ai way more than you currently do
#i see so many tags like ‘this is ai :/ but its still cool!’ like how are you not absolutely filled with dread#how can you see what could be a beautiful image by an incredibly talented photographer-#realize it wasnt art created by a human and not immediately wanna kys#the very definition of art is HUMAN CREATION how the fuck can you stand shit with no meaning no talent no personality NOTHING#it gets fucking personal when the ai is of nature it makes me so fucking mad#mountains forests deserts oceans wildlife insects trees THERE IS SO MUCH OUT THERE AND SO MUCH YOU WILL NEVER SEE#AND BECAUSE OF THIS YOU DONT FUCKING QUESTION IF A PHOTO OF A WILD ANIMAL IS AI#YOU CANT SEE THE AI IN THE HANDS YOU CANT SEE IT IN THE ARCHITECTURE THERES NO HUMAN FLAWS TO POINT OUT#INSTEAD YOU JUST ACCEPT THAT ITS REAL BECAUSE WILDLIFE AND NATURE IS SO INCREDIBLE THAT IT DOESNT EVEN OCCUR TO YOU TO QUESTION IT#there are trees with trunks as big as houses!!!! we have only discovered 7% of the ocean!!!#nature is fucking insane and my favorite way to learn about it is through photography and i fucking HATE ai for taking that from me#GO OUTSIDE AND TAKE YOUR OWN PHOTOS OF WILDLIFE STOP FUCKING MAKING AI STOP REBLOGGING IT STOP STOP STOP#i did not make my entire college senior thesis a short film about birds of prey for you to make shitty bullshit ai images of an owl#kill yourself
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i believe that to some extent Andre knows he's fucked up and this headcanon is one of the hills I will die on in the farewell tape, Cal says that “you can’t cure somebody who has nothing wrong with them.”
Andre, on the other hand, admits they might be seen as hypocrites. he's not gonna back out, he still thinks it's the right thing for him to do, but he seems to acknowledge that people will not perceive it the same way. he tries to explain that no matter what it’ll look like, it’s not murder for the sake of murder - not in his eyes at least. there's a (sick and twisted) lesson hidden in this tragedy.
to some extent, Andre is aware of what’s going on with him, what exactly shaped him into who he is now. he sees the cause and effect of being bullied, of feeling rejected and alienated, and not being able to do anything about it because that's just who he is. he can kick and scream and shout but he will never change who he is at his core and this realization is crushing for a 17/18-year-old. this and all the implications of a missing sense of belonging.
he knows he’s messed up. he knows what would fix him and he’s convinced it’s out of his reach. he looks at other students and he thinks: it’ll never be me. and he's angry that they have something he will never have.
his awareness doesn't help though. if anything, it fuels his frustration. what adults know to be a temporary problem (high school) seemed like an insurmountable obstacle, the end of everything.
#dont mind me im just thinking how so many high school problems seem like the end of the world#and then you grow up and you're like 'ok that was some insane shit and I didn't deserve most of it'#and then you process it and heal and go on with your life because the world is too wide for you to dwell on all that stuff#alternatively you're shocked that you really let yourself wallow in sadness over shit that now just makes you laugh and seems so trivial#my point is that if he had decided to drop the zd plans and then graduated and grown up he could have been happy#he could have made it but he didn't give himself a chance#high school is not where your world ends#in fact it's barely even a beginning its a fucking prologue#and when people are so down that they can't grasp it - this is what leads to tragedies#zero day#zero day 2003#andre kriegman#cal gabriel
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so the dust smokes headcanon is really popular!!! i have an addition to it :33 cigarette smoke CLINGS to your body for a loooong loooong time,,,,, i don't know if monster dust has a smell but if it does maybe the cigarette smoke from his cigarettes could be used to cover up that smell so he doesn't have to deal with the scent of death all the time and yk,,,, feel the guilt :33
#me after going into the bathroom after a smoker (i STILL smell like smoke and its been like an hour)#better to smell like the death of others or what will be the death of yourself????#funny image of dust collapsing in the middle of a robbery or something and then horror and killer have to rush him to the hospital#BECAUSE HE HAD A FUCKING STROKE OR WHATEVER YOU GET FROM CIGARETTES 💀💀💀💀#listen they mightve fought after that. and dust's main argument wouldve been why didnt they just go back to smthnew so killer could reload#dust you fool dont you realize you sound just like your human. ANS ALSO THAY WOULDN'T EVEN WORK IN THE FIRST PLACE YOUD STILL HAVE TJE STROK#thinking about my other post mentioning dust and his smoking issues..... and how he'd never get over it with killer and horror LUL#but that's for another day heeheheheehhehe....... i can still hoard SOME ideas for now 😈😈😈#tricule hc#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au#theyre ALWAYS mentioned in full in my posts i have to tag them (liar. out of what obligation?)#STOP PLAYING GAMES FAMILY PLEASE START OPENING GIFTS I WANNA KNOW IF I GOT MY PIN MAKER OR NOT 💔💔💔💔
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the way to the moon is about holding on (to the promise you don't even remember making, to the person you loved, to the life you never got to live but refuse to give up). it's johnny choosing to be with river time and time again, it's johnny holding on to all the paper rabbits river made even if he didn't know their significance, it's river keep trying to remind johnny of their shared past, it's river giving up her treatment so a place that means the world to her is protected, it's eva and neil trying their hardest to send johnny to the moon, it's eva taking the risk in hopes of making it
the way finding paradise is about letting go (of your mistakes, of the unrealistically perfect life you never lived, of the person who helped you through your darkest times but who now keeps you stuck in the past). it's colin letting go of faye despite being afraid, it's colin keep replacing pages in his book with new ones, it's faye knowing that colin never needed sigmund's help, it's faye telling colin he has to let go of her if he wants to live fully, it's neil and eva trusting faye despite what it means for them, it's neil taking the risk in hopes of making it
#IM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEMMMMMMM#god#please#sobbing#THEM#what is impostor factory about?? great question#i need to play it at least 5 more times before i figure thag out#but i think#it's about choices in a way#i think it's in between letting go and holding on#it's all the different lives you could have lived if you chose something else#about the realities elsewhere#and how despite everything. all of them are still you#it's how different choices affect everything. from yourself to others#how ultimately you made a decision. this is your reality#but maybe somewhere else there was a chance for a different life#idk man im rambling#I LOVE THEM TO DEATH U DONT UNDEDSTAND#to the moon#finding paradise#freebird games#eva rosalene#neil watts#colin reeds#river wyles#faye#sigmund corp#i keep writing johnnys fucking name wrong save md#gamer hours#johnny wyles
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one orrrr
two?
#not a perfect return to posting art#but fuck if my pettiness isn't a great driving force#lol about what snack??#some ole bullshit i saw on the whassit... insta or twitter#one of those two where “FaNs” go to pretend they got no fucking manners#oOoOh you're a this that whatever artist because look you draw like this one OoOoh#fuck outa here#literally I'm gonna post going through my whole goddamn style rolodex#also?#personal art style is not as big a deal as some of these new/young artists think it is#like maybe in commercial or children's book illustration#since they look for a specific vibe#and you're doing yourself an artistic disservice by focusing so much on “creating a personal style”#and this weird fucking self-imposed boundary of like appreciating how an artist renders this or that aspect of their drawing#because they think the plagiarism police are gonna SWAT them#like... it's pretty and you like it bcoz it speaks to you so#fucking just#try it out#try out that type of line weight#try out that color palette#try out that way of lighting a person or a scene#try it#listen everyone is out here being an aesthetic frankenstein's monster#the minute you try out xyz in your art it becomes “your style” because how you interpret it replicate it will be#influenced (altered you could say) by how you draw#unless your ass getting paid to draw on model or your art lead's style or you wanna get on a show/game so you're cobbling a quick portfolio#but that's not this#also lol next mutation still got fans#my childhood nostalgia says hello#tw eyestrain
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Niffty: Alastor! There's a monster under my bed, and it's really ugly!
Husk: *from the bottom bunk* Honestly, fuck you.
#borrowed from military-newsboys#stone cold niffty#this is so dumb#why am i laughing#husker hazbin hotel#niffty hazbin hotel#there would be no reason for those two to share a bunk bed in a literal hotel but this idea is so funny#to me#Hazbin hotel#incorrect hazbin hotel#husk#niffty#husk hazbin hotel#incorrect hazbin hotel quotes#Alastor is so proud#husk: fuck this shit I’m going to sleep in Angel’s room#Angel: !!!!#husk: TO SLEEP - ANGEL#Angel: *muffled excitement*#they’re gay your honor#also niffty and husk could 100% take this city#keep that shit to yourself#keep that shit to yourself niff#i love them#Alastor#Alastor adjacent
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Im bad at writing coherent things but I need to get this concept out of my head so it stops haunting me.
I had this idea for another fic called The Undine Colony.
The setting would be the second colony by the sea- started when Sol is in their forties- the story taking place an unknown time after that.
It starts with the alarm that the original Stratospheric colony has gone silent. Collapsed all its networks, killed every signal, spirited away every colonist. As it still houses much of humanity's most advanced tech, like the servers for their holonet, essential parts of the power grid, this is an issue of extreme urgency.
And who better to turn to in their moment of need than Sol? So here they are suddenly jolted into wakefulness.
Their first thought is that they cannot feel their body. They quickly learn they are not in fact the real Sol, but only an AI copy made of their brain-scan from many decades ago. Though they cannot access the future vision as an ephemeral bit of software, they have superior computing on their side.
The gist of it being that AI Sol is now in charge of the 2nd colony to replace the hole left by Congruence, all while being tasked to figure out whats happening to the og colony & trying to reestablish contact. Aaand trying to piece together their own existence on top of it. Trying to find out what even happened to the original Sol. If they have something to do with this blackout.
So yeah, itd be slowly unfurling that mystery, piecing together the gap in their memory & issues of personhood.
#texted post#why yes I have played SOMA and it did irrevocable damage to my psychology#true pain is still being unsure if I should just spill the twists and resolutions or not#on the off chance I do end up attempting to write it after all...#bcus yes I do know whats happening uwu#and if sol is alive n what they have been up to#theres some very very fun revelations abt that in particular#also very much based on my fave greg egan stories#aka making a fucking digital copy of yourself to inhabit your smart tech#severence also has good shit like that...#torture yourself until you finally agree to live this subpar existence#one big downside to it is that itd p much be an all new cast#much of the og cast would be dead or very old and most likely stayed w the original colony#like I could maaybe get away w a middle aged nougat or smthn but thats not much to go on. n maybe some gardener contact...#getting a small dose of good feedback(even when its on an unrelated fic) sure does awful things 2 my brain like suddenly inspire me to want#to do more of it#i was a teenage exocolonist#if somebody wants to adopt this idea we can talk uwu
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literally the craziest possible thing to say to your boy best friend
#HELLO????? GREGORY HOUSE. DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF?????#this is like if he looked at baby trapping and went 'too basic' and put it through a blender thats what this is.#literally what the fuck. first of all fucked up to tell your friend he has a kid and then hire a kid to play that kid#second of all wilson is going to forgive this so fast i can feel it in my bones#third of all the craziest thing he could have said. literally wha the fuck#wilson#house#hilson#house md#hatecrimes md#8x16 gut check
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seeing all those posts from ppl ab how miserable they are without a partner like sorry can't relate. i'm doing great and in fact i hope i die alone 🖤
#THIS POST IS ABOUT NON-PARTNERING AROMANTICISM#like unironically! i hope i die having been by myself my whole life!!!!#in a romantic/traditional partnering sense. in the way that people usually mean 'die alone'#to me there is such poetic beauty in my life ultimately being about myself.#and also i think saying that i hope i die alone fucking rocks.#fuck you and your societal standards. i am going to aspire toward the worst thing you could imagine for yourself#and i am going to hold such joy in it. your worst nightmare is my perfect future. my jubilation. my victory.#i'm going to be by my fucking self and it's going to be my decision and i am going to be deliriously happy.#SO fucking excited about it. looking forward to a long and fulfilled life and i hope i fucking die alone :)#new favorite phrase so obsessed with it can't stop saying it. i fucking hope i die alone!!!!!#i might be so lucky!!!!!!#aromantic#aromanticism#arospec#aro positivity#aspec#talking
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Realizing you can never please anybody can be a devastating loss... until you internalize exactly what that means.
When you sacrifice so much of yourself for others, you forget that you leave yourself behind. Not being able to please everybody means you can start learning how to fully embody who you are instead of juggling everybody else's baggage, trying to make something work out.
You might feel devastated about this, thinking you're terrible for not pleasing everybody. The truth is, it was impossible from the start, and learning who you are is infinitely rewarding
#mental health#encouragement#encouraging words#people-pleasing is honestly (in my experience) the most soul-crushing things out there#and i wish more and more people could learn how to let go of the impulse to self-persecute...#...and to let go of the idea that literally the *entire world* comes before them#i think the thing that really set me on this path was realizing that few people would do what i did...#...that they would see that nobody is fighting their corning *including them*...#...and that few people will actually fight your corner *for* you...#...and part of that realization enraged me because it's like... everybody abandons you INCLUDING yourself...#...so you think 'how the fuck didn't i realize that?' and you start to question more and more the reasons you internalized the message...#...that literally everybody matters more than you ever will...#...part of that for me stems from deep systematic abuse and part of it is cultural...#...so you'll find that your drives to do certain things have differwnt influences and some are perfectly fine...#...while others are destroying and depressing and horrific
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PJO is so annoying to write whump for bc it's like "oh you've healed everything done to you in a matter of seconds and you don't even have a sexy scar for my troubles."
#riordanverse#pjo#percy jackson series#pjo hoo toa#and they always have nectar/ambrosia on hand#constantly#never go anywhere without it#and yes i could arrange for circumstances where they run out or it almost burns them up#but then you've got half the characters going “i heal in water/shadows/song”#they don't even need god food to heal#furthermore i get people in my comments going “why didnt they just heal themselves”#super fucking annoying#bitch why dont you heal yourself after i pull your intestines out through your mouth
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I think Jon should meet his past self and I think it should get. Like. REALLY fucked up and fun and maybe sometimes skin-crawlingly unpleasant for both of them and also whoever’s unlucky enough to be caught in the crossfire
#except elias he should get to enjoy it i think#anyway there’s something in the appeal of meeting an alternate version of yourself which i discovered as an incredibly self-loathing teen:#the target of your hatred and rage and Disgust is there. they are there in front of you#it is socially acceptable to hurt them because they are you and you are they#and surely no one could get angry or be hurt if you’re lashing out at YOU#you get to be as rightously. viciously awful to another person because that person is YOU and you can say whatever you want about yourself#and finally all the bile and hatred and bitter fucking SCORN has somewhere to /go/#instead of pooling inside you like a sickness#anyway i think two jon’s meeting would go very well and normally. and there would be no problems ever <3
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