#I changed permanently because of that damn pandemic

[thatuselesshuman]

So, today I saw a few videos on the devil site known as tiktok that really pissed me off (and I'm going to yap about it).

Apparently, over on Gen Alpha tiktok (Gen Alpha is those born in 2010-now for those wondering) there's a trend going around that's literally making 2020 an aesthetic. Like, under a video where it was like "Pov: your morning routine in 2020", I saw so many comments like "I wish I was a teenager during 2020 😭". And it may just be me but that BAFFLES me. Ignoring the fact that the video was literally just a collection of tiktok trends from 2020, the comments piss me off.

When the pandemic hit, I was in High school. We were let out for an early spring break, and we all thought that we'd be back soon. Little did we know, we'd be forced to stay inside for the next 6 months because if we went outside, we may catch a disease that could kill us. That pandemic changed so many things for me (and I know I'm not alone in that), that it's so insane that it's now being romanticized. My dad went to the hospital when he caught covid (thank God it was later in the pandemic, so they had some treatments), I lost some pivotal teenage years to the pandemic, and I had a whole ass identity crisis. I am permanently different because I only had human contact with my family for half a year. Because of circumstances outside of my control, I didn't have a proper phone during 2020 (I couldn't call or text), so I was effectively cut off from my friends. I had the pandemic a lot easier than some, but I think it's fucking stupid that kids now are saying that they wished they went through that.

[austinslounge]

Long post ahead! ⚠️⚠️⚠️

Speaking of Kaia’s “habits” with ppl in relationships lets talk about Cara D, Ashley Benson and Kaia.

Back in 2020 during quarantine Kaia was staying with Cara, Ashley, and some more people.

Overtime people noticed Kaia and Cara becoming more close

https://youtube.com/shorts/9HehekR9EdY?si=gmNIHBo8MBdSdS2S

Interesting clip of Kaia looking at Cara (mind you Cara’s longtime gf Ashley was here at this dinner with them) Shame? Kaia doesn’t know her!

https://x.com/whynotaddy/status/1240031130990018561?s=46&t=jBdhqpJimCZPZMnaCJW2eg

She also befriended Ashley ofc

https://x.com/bestofmargaret/status/1240366488499810304?s=46&t=jBdhqpJimCZPZMnaCJW2eg

Their short lived friend group out and about

https://www.instagram.com/p/CCudD-Ypgmp/?igsh=MTRxaTQ5dDE3cGpqdQ==

Kaia/Cara at the grocery store

https://x.com/us_cara/status/1239470323063554048?s=46&t=jBdhqpJimCZPZMnaCJW2eg

https://x.com/us_cara/status/1240182236781174784?s=46&t=jBdhqpJimCZPZMnaCJW2eg

Making tiktoks

https://x.com/us_cara/status/1240182236781174784?s=46&t=jBdhqpJimCZPZMnaCJW2eg

https://x.com/us_cara/status/1240743018023530508?s=46&t=jBdhqpJimCZPZMnaCJW2eg

Cuddling in bed even!

https://x.com/us_cara/status/1264306535334805512?s=46&t=jBdhqpJimCZPZMnaCJW2eg

Interestingly enough after a few months of Kaia being in the picture, Cara and Ashley who were rumored to be engaged break up!

Could it just be a breaking for a plethora of reasons? Maybe. But I’m doubtful, I believe Kaia had a big part in their breakup.

This is when people started questioning stuff.. few weeks after the breakup Kaia and Cara got matching TATTOOS!! permanent ink with JUST a good ole friend ☺️nothing more

https://x.com/us_cara/status/1264306535334805512?s=46&t=jBdhqpJimCZPZMnaCJW2eg

Kaia and Cara got real close I see because Kaia invited her to family dinners with her parents and her Dad followed Cara on instagram shortly after

https://x.com/us_cara/status/1270753881635553283?s=46&t=jBdhqpJimCZPZMnaCJW2eg

Then they went to a protest together and soft launched damn near

https://x.com/us_cara/status/1283690263018430465?s=46&t=jBdhqpJimCZPZMnaCJW2eg

https://x.com/us_cara/status/1283690564710543360?s=46&t=jBdhqpJimCZPZMnaCJW2eg

NOW THIS IS WHERE THINGS REALLY SPICE UP!

https://www.instagram.com/p/CCw3UXgDqez/?igsh=MWhld2hwZjZkMW1xcw==

https://www.instagram.com/p/CLUnaJADGGy/?igsh=MWdvb2U2YmkwY3Jhcg==

Cara’s ex girlfriend Ashley liked posts about Cara dumping her for Kaia and about Cara being in a relationship with a girl 10 years younger….

https://www.instagram.com/p/CDSTUgpjhgF/?igsh=MXFjZWs4ZGd2aHF5Zw==

Them w matching cardigans from Taylor Swift

https://x.com/us_cara/status/1286361629416927232?s=46&t=jBdhqpJimCZPZMnaCJW2eg

https://x.com/us_cara/status/1286361776125345792?s=46&t=jBdhqpJimCZPZMnaCJW2eg

Them at the gym together getting reaaaal cozy

https://x.com/modelsfacts/status/1293917053682737153?s=46&t=jBdhqpJimCZPZMnaCJW2eg

Kaia’s bday wish for Cara

I didn’t wanna make this too long and theres more evidence of stuff between Kaia and Cara but this is the rundown.

Keep in mind during all of this Kaia was 18 and Cara was 28… While Cara has seemed to change her life around it doesn’t look like much has changed for Kaia based on her recent behavior

Let’s hope she learns to be single one day and work on herself because she has a long way to go

Ooo girl you got the juicy TEA!! 😲

See! I knew this girl was messy. 😬

What on earth does she have? A magical 🐈‍⬛️ or something? 😵‍💫

I recall Kaia and Cara getting really close during the pandemic, but I didn't really follow them closely. I just suspected that maybe they were dating each other after seeing these pictures of them together.

Their matching "solemates" tattoos only seemed to strengthen my suspicions even further.

I had no clue about the Cara/Kaia/Ashley Benson rumors though. Wow. 👀

Girl I'm going to be looking up all of these links to rumors and receipts you have provided.

Thank you lol.

[capitalism-is-parasitism]

George Monbiot: TAX THE RICH, TAX THEM HARD (Labour is already failing)

We need a genuine levelling up, across regions and across classes. The austerity inflicted on us by the Conservatives was unnecessary and self-defeating and Labour has no good reason to sustain it.

The new government insists it is ending austerity. It isn’t. As the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS) pointed out in June, Labour’s plans mean that public services are “likely to be seriously squeezed, facing real-terms cuts”. Similarly, the Resolution Foundation has warned that, with current spending projections, the government will need to make £19bn of annual cuts by 2028-29. However you dress it up, this is austerity.

We are constantly told: “There’s no money.” But there is plenty of money. It’s just not in the hands of the government. The wealth of billionaires in the UK has risen by 1,000% since 1990. The richest 1% possess more wealth than the poorest 70%. Why do they have so much? Because the state does not; they have not been sufficiently taxed.

There are two reasons for taxing the rich and taxing them hard. The first is to generate revenue: this is the one everyone thinks about. But the second is even more important: to break the spiral of patrimonial wealth accumulation. Unless you stop the very rich from becoming even richer, it’s not just their economic power that continues to rise, but also their political power. Democracy gives way to oligarchy, and oligarchy is intensely hostile to everything Labour governments seek to achieve, including robust public services and a strong economic safety net. When oligarchs dominate, you can kiss goodbye any notion of the public good.

Last year, I tried to estimate how much it would cost to restore a viable, safe and inclusive public realm after 14 years of Tory vandalism. While my effort was very rough, the sum came to between £65bn and £100bn of extra spending a year: between seven and 10 times more than Labour’s total. It’s a lot, although it’s dwarfed by the money the previous government spent on the pandemic: between £310bn and £410bn over two years.

While these sums are ambitious, and would require expanded borrowing (which Labour has foolishly ruled out) as well as taxation, there are plenty of opportunities to raise taxes on the rich. The government could, for example, replace inheritance tax with a lifetime gifts tax kicking in at £150,000, a level that would affect only wealthy people. This would increase revenue while ending a major form of tax avoidance. The government should raise capital gains taxes: it’s perverse that unearned income is taxed at a lower rate than earned income. It should close the carried-interest loophole, which ensures that private equity bosses pay less tax than their cleaners: a pledge on which it already seems to be backtracking.

The government could also levy a wealth tax, a luxury goods tax and a tax on second homes and holiday homes. It could make the windfall tax on fossil fuel revenues permanent. It could replace business rates with land value taxation, and council tax with a progressive property tax based on contemporary property values: both shifts would be fairer and would raise more money. But the only extra taxes the government propose are, as the IFS remarks, “trivial”.

By seeking to raise revenue through economic growth rather than redistribution, Labour avoids the necessary confrontation with economic power. Not only is the strategy uncertain of success (economic growth here is subject to global forces); not only does growth load even more pressure on the living planet; but this approach also fails to break the grip of the ultra-rich. Isn’t this the whole damn point of a change of government, after 14 years of Tory appeasement? Unless you seek to change the structures of power and redistribute wealth, the rich will continue to harvest the lion’s share of growth while using some of their money to buy the politics that expands and fortifies their dominion.

[duskkodesh]

Look who's here...

How about a figure review? It might be long so I'll have to put it all under the cut.

SO, after nearly 3 damn years I have my figure. I ordered in Feb of 2021 with them saying it would hit THAT SUMMER. *Shakes fist* The movie delays and pandemic I think fucked their releases up royally but also I had some extreme panic about losing 100$ because I paid in full with Paypal at order date. ANYWAYS... he's here now. Outside box gave way to this:

Petty complaint 1: Y'all could have commissioned some original artwork for your boxes instead. The sides are a different cover but this time from the 2020 series. I contemplated why they didn't just give me a window box.

Oh. That's why. SO... After 20 minutes of me peeling protective plastic off of literally every part of Morb...

He angy. Okay so good points: He comes with three heads, eight hands. His suit is a very cool feeling cloth and the collar STANDS UP. He's got the V-cut though it should be more whorish. The heads pop on and off his ball joint neck super easy. The hands are trickier and go on with a peg so take some wiggles. Costume is non removable and why no belt? MEZCO? What did you do to my boy's belt? One last small complaint:

Cape, not wingflaps. Look, I get that diff artists have changed that around but capes are boring. Also the cape goes longer cut than his sleeve which doesn't work well visually. If the suit is permanent they could have done wingflaps. Overall I love him, he's cool and the faces and hands have sold me entirely... but the accessories. Oh. My. God.

Guys help... that microscope folds and transforms. THE FUCKING CENTRIFUGE LIGHTS UP. The lights circle and then the computer screens light up like he got results or something!!!

The beaker and test tube come out. The dagger, hammer and stakes come out and are on a hidden tray under the lab stuff!!! You have enough stuff here to actually play doctor and then a gun for when all else fails! (I'm a healer... but) BTW they say 'syringe gun' but Mezco those are frickin bullets in that tray. Also the battery is in it's own teeny clamshell until you pop it in his case so if you store this figure long term there's no worries about batteries corroding inside a figure and destroying shiz. Accessories? 11/10 like Oh my god guys. The only problem I have is my fat sausage fingers moving and spinning things. They are TINY.

And look at this paint job! you can see his gums! His eyes are glossed! He has his facial hair! AHHHHHHHH the likeness is so good!

He is also almost perfectly Marvel Legends scale if you need a Spidey to take blood samples from or a she-hulk to inevitably bail him out from jail when he does something dumb as heck!

This was worth a three year wait, I need two more to display all the heads!!! Please excuse me for a while. I have an extreme urge to play action figures again like when I was eight. WHO WANTS TO PLAY WITH ME?

[katebeckets]

🍄⭐️🌺🍀

oooo we're getting deep!! i love these questions.

I'll do a read more since these are longer asks <3

send me an emoji!

🍄 what is something that’s happened in your life that you wish you could go back and change? losing my job a few months ago. it shattered my confidence in what i fear is a very permanent and far-reaching way. associates aren't confident to begin with (they shouldn't be—it's the stage of the career we're in, and most good supervisors say they'd be more concerned by an associate who doesn't have some level of self-doubt), but it's now combined with a fear that i can't trust my supervisor as someone i can ask for help and me questioning every decision i made in the last year. it literally shook me to my core and it makes me so upset because what little confidence i did have was so hard-earned and important, and even though everyone (including my own therapist who is also a supervisor) agrees it was my supervisor and not me, i truly don't know if i'm going to get over this.

⭐️ what is one of your biggest accomplishments? Why is it so important to you? everything about undergrad. i know it's cheesy but it's truly where i became who i am, all because of those people and experiences (particularly getting in/choosing to go, my minor, and my hospitalization/pandemic graduation, as those were the most defining parts).

🌺 what is the best gift someone has ever given you and why is it so important i love talking about gifts so I'm going to name a few hehe sorry

literally every gift you have given me could fall into this category, but the first one that comes to mind is when you sent me those watercolors. it was very much out of nowhere and the way you encourage me to keep practicing art is just so meaningful to me.

the goodbye gifts I got from the last daycare I worked at and my traineeship site for grad school, because both made me feel so loved and understood and I was proud of myself for taking it in.

my favorite undergrad professor gives copies of a book to some seniors, but she gave mine to me a year early because i was having a really hard time with the core classes for my minor ending (meaning i wouldn't see her every week). i was in tears about never seeing her again (we both knew damn well i'd see her again) and she took me so seriously. she gave me the book and told me she wouldn't dedicate it until i was actually graduating, which meant we had to see each other again. it meant so much to me that she took me seriously and made an exception for me.

🍀 what is your comfort show/series and why is it your comfort show? How has it helped you?

I think eventually my answer will include Castle or The Mentalist, but not yet because of the "gets in way too deep" thing.

I think it's a tossup between Bones, Friends, and Gilmore Girls, but I might go with Gilmore Girls. Of those three, it was the last one I watched (I watched when I was 16/17), but it meant that the height of my obsession coincided with me moving away to college, so it's really associated with my freshman year of college 💜

[maryellencarter]

So this is about something that's actually sort of more Twitter related, but I really struggle to fit anything more than a single fact into a tweet.

So. As we been knew, there is a pandemic. As we are all likely noticing, society has unilaterally decided the pandemic is Over. (At least in the US, which is the relevant area for me.) Masks and plexiglass and any other public health precautions have basically disappeared.

Immunocompromised people are, very reasonably, mad as fuck about this. A great many people have decided that A Return To Normalcy is more important than actually winning the metaphorical war first.

However! What I'm seeing, and what I have been seeing for months if not years at this point, is immunocompromised people (largely, as mentioned, on Twitter) saying "if you choose to attend any nonessential gathering ever, you are the problem, and you are demonstrating your personal ableism and disregard for me ever getting to participate in society again".

Which, on a rational level, I cannot argue with! Society is made up of human beings, we must all do our part, etc, etc. (That's not meant to be sarcastic. God knows I've yelled about examining whether you're part of the problem with regard to fandom racism, often enough. You can't change society without changing people.)

Here's the part where I don't have a solution.

I am literally dying of isolation. I haven't been to work for two weeks because I'm in a really nasty suicidal spiral. I don't go out, I live alone, I get my groceries delivered, I have no friends within a thousand miles, I certainly don't have any family I'd want to have visit, I have never had a "bubble buddy" or any kind of in-person socialization for the last two and a half years. (A little more than that. My call center went to lockdown / work at home in May 2020.) And I'm a fucking *extrovert*. Turn it up to eleven and break off the knob, type of extrovert, or I was. Even my bosses and my customers are mostly just words on a screen.

Solitary confinement longer than fifteen days is restricted by the UN. It's cruel and unusual punishment, it's a war crime, it does permanent psychological damage. Yeah, I have the internet, but there has to be a point where that's not enough, where the not having touched or seen a real physical living being is too much. I know because I'm way past that point.

You want to know how bad it is? We were trying to write a new story. Leia had some ideas. I'm in bad enough shape that I don't even remember. The only thing I could write, the only thing I could process as feeling emotionally relatable enough to turn the story into, was Jigen deliberately faking his own death and trying to leave the whole gang behind on purpose, because it turns out the last damn cry for help I've got left is trying to make my identification character so traumatically isolated that a fucking miracle of narrative causality will kick in and bring one of us back.

I'm sorry. I can't stop crying. I was going to try to say more. I don't want to leave people behind. I don't want to hurt them.

I don't... I don't know how to not. One way or the other. I've been barely hanging on, trying to do what these tweets are saying is my duty. There's no end to it. There never will be. Me isolating myself to death isn't going to turn society around. The choice I have left is to try to claw my way back into the human world somehow, or to abandon everybody a lot more permanently.

Look, it's god-fuck-why in the morning. I'm not going to die until further notice, at least not on purpose. That's a promise I've always kept. Will I be able to go to work? Fuck only knows. Will I be able to stop crying and get some sleep? No idea. But I'm tired and I would like to stop looking at words that aren't saying things good.

[androgynousbirdtale]

Thought post

So I've been going through some things... mainly at work. Like a lot of people, stuff started right before the pandemic for me. My boss, that hired me for my current position, left in February 2020. I've been a one-person training department ever since. Once the pandemic popped off, I was "adopted" by HR, which wasn't a bad thing. I'd worked with everyone for a year, and they needed help onboarding large groups of healthcare workers to cover testing and those who were out with COVID. During this time, I learned everything about HR - recruiting, pre-employment, onboarding, exit interviews, FMLA, unemployment, employment verification, I-9s, benefits, etc. So not a bad thing since I learned all of it. In mid-2022, I gave all those responsibilities back and distanced myself from HR because leadership changed in the department. The HR director they hired offended me in our first 1-on-1 meeting, which she decided we should have over lunch. This bitch invited me out to lunch and then didn't pay (Okay, but say something before I go with you to eat. Damn), on top of throwing several microaggressions at me in the first 10 minutes. I was too shaken to even say anything, and it takes me A LOT to be silent. 😒 I don't sugarcoat, and I never have. With me, what you see is what you get. I am outspoken and don't take shit from anyone. I'm not sensitive by any means, but she was the director of HR, and I expected her to know & do better. I went to the VP and told her straight up that if she didn't find me someone else to report to, I was probably gonna get fired.

Fast forward two weeks, and I became attached to the Director of Patient Experience. She got promoted to Director of Compliance, and I continued my work in training and learned all things compliance, policy, and procedures. The VP left about 6 months later, and they never rehired for her position.

The company announced a restructuring in March, and 67 people were let go. I was not a part of this group as I filled a need that no one else did, but it made me nervous. We were told that everything would be over by the beginning of May, and so it was. This boss left my company on Aug 7 (almost 2 weeks ago), and her boss became my boss. We also laid off 37 additional people that day and suddenly, my anxiety about my job went through the roof. So I had a conversation with the General Counsel (my new boss) on Aug 11 about expectations and things that need to be handled ASAP. This past Monday, Aug 14, she quit too.

So, of course, now I'm freaking out because I don't know what any of this means. My former boss contacted the General Counsel to check in, and she stated that she hit her limit of what she will put up with, and she resigned. This is worrisome on so many levels. We had an all-staff meeting on Thursday where it was made clear that all of this, coupled with clinic closings, was part of an effort to ensure we don't permanently close our doors. A year ago was the last time we received any communication about our financial situation; everything was fine. The new CEO blames the old one for serious financial mistakes, naturally.

Friday, I was part of a Departmental Update meeting, and it made me really uncomfortable to be talking to this group of people. The CEO rubbed me the wrong way by completely ignoring me and refusing to figure out what it is I even do or why my input was important when he first started last fall. So I haven't bothered to address or contact him for anything. In this meeting, he asked for names and what we do. When it was my turn, I listed all of the things I was responsible for, on top of being the most senior member on the call. He said he wanted to pick my brain, which I didn't like. I just need someone to handle some long outstanding shit that I can't get done on my own because I don't have the authority. That's it. Tell me what you need, and I'll get it done. I'll tell you what I need, and you support me to get it done.

I know that this is just a job and that I should do the bare minimum, which I have been enthusiastically doing since January 1, 2022. They don't pay me enough to do much more. But I still need the job because I've still got a while before I'm done with school.

I haven't slept more than 2 or 3 hours since Sunday night and am utterly exhausted. School starts again on Monday, and I need some sleep. J (my husband) suggested gummies for help with sleeping. I'm not into Green at all and haven't been since I was 16 or so. I don't like to smoke, and the last time I did was about 10 years ago. But his reasoning behind it was sound since I also don't take most meds (I'm incredibly sensitive and/or allergic to most medications). So we went to a shop about 5 miles from here, and I picked up my first bag of gummies. I'm pissed that my job has me on edge like this.

So I'm gonna eat some fatty food and take one. 🤞🏼 Wish me luck; I have no idea how this is gonna go. I'll be sure to report in after, LOL.

[playingplayer2]

Additionally, a lot of the schools we have for early language learning aren't accessable for a number of reasons.

Fair warning, everything below is personal experience. I speak almost entirely English, I don't travel, and I have a serious disconnect with the non-white-american side of my heritage. Less personal stuff further down.

↓

My sibling and I were homeschooled for several years (starting at pre-k aged to 2nd/3rd grade age), and when my older sibling got sent off to school(6yo), it was to a Mandarin Immersion School in our area because our (now-permanently-out-of-the-picture) father is a Chinese immigrant and it was decided to try that, and if it went well, I'd be going the next year. (Funnily enough he didn't want me or my sibling or our mother learning Cantonese or Mandarin, and not for pleasant or heart-warming reasons.)

It did not go well.

(In fact it went so badly because of abuse in the school system, racism, and ableist bullshit, that my sib got pulled so fucking fast with such a public fuss, that in the coming years that school apparently did a total overhaul to change that. Comparatively, one of my best friend's friends went to a French Immersion School and never had any issues and now, knows French. I on the other hand (public school from 7/8 on up) didn't have an opportunity outside of things at home- and with a recently divorced mother, scrambling to get work and take care of two kids & court, and a P.O.S old man, there really wasn't time for me or my sibling to learn more.)

My mom taught us some Latin, she'd taken Latin in school, and ASL, having learned a lot for/from her deaf friend in high school, and pre-divorce we'd been learning some Mandarin when my father wasn't around.

Now flash forwards, I don't start learning a new language through school until I'm in middle school at 13. I take French for a year. I switch to Spanish in high school a year later, end up with a really bad teacher (no srsly, she taught French and Spanish and kept switching to French lessons, so many people had issues with her teaching Spanish) and so the next year I don't sign up for a school language class, start trying to learn Italian on my own. Then I end up starting French again in 11th grade because most colleges required at least 2 years of a non-english language classes.

I take two years of French, and in the last three months of my senior year there's a Global Pandemic (please note; it isn't over, check with your local epidemiologists for more info). Real wrench in my life plans, y'know?

So, now, three years post hs graduation, the biracial child of an immigrant, and I know a handful very basic words in (textbook) Spanish, I remember French at the weirdest damn times (but can barely speak any of it), and my Cantonese and Mandarin are basically non-existent (Cantonese because my father's side is immigrated from Hong Kong, Mandarin bc that's the "what everyone speaks" in said relatives words).

Now, in terms of travel? I've left my State (I live in the states) twice. Both times add up to less than 12 hours out of state, and less than an hour past the state border each time.

I grew up and I'm still poor, like a huge portion of Americans. I've never been on a vacation outside of school mandatory ones. I've never left the U.S, I don't even have a passport and I don't drive.

My mom? Grew up poor. Vacations aren't a thing for people below a certain income. But bc of where I grew up, all of my friends could afford to go on a family trip to Florida or NY or Cali or wherever every year or two, most of my friends now can and have travelled out of state, even out of country, on a semi-regular basis.

But most of those friends grew up in a 2-income family, remarried/non-divorced households that were already decently well off.

To the less personal stuff.

↓

Every person above has fucking point though. The States could, and quite frankly should, be doing better, should be doing more.

But racism and classism and sexism are all still rampant, frothing at the mouth, vicious and blatant.

Our transportation in-country is horrid. The cost to leave the country is tremendous, starting with the cost of passports to whether or not taking a week off will cost you your job.

And there's a shit ton of clueless, rich Americans who go out there and Americanism all over everything in the most miserably rude, senseless fashion they can, most of them not even realizing it.

There's a ton of faults, and a whole lot of cluelessness that breeds ignorance and insult, on both sides.

Europeans don't, for the most part, understand just how split up the States are, culture, language, etc. Because each state, each region, is vastly different from geography to mannerisms. They don't get just how easy it is for them to travel, their schools promote learning multiple languages. Our schools, our governments? They don't. Well. They do if you're rich, white, and cis. Then it's a "bonus in your job applications." But if someone who isn't one or any of those speaks two or more languages, then it's a count against them.

Again: racism, classism, sexism.

But, Americans also aren't "cultureless." I'm from the Midwest. That's very different from the central plains (now often lumped in w/ the MW) or from the East, South, West, etc. The cultures between regions are incredibly different- and it varies more-so state to state. You can't say NY and NJ are the same, just like MN and WI aren't. CA isn't WA state, and KS, AZ, and GA can't even be compared, region or state.

It's just that the predominant majority of American Tourists come from the same middle-to-upper class, white, nuclear-family backgrounds and their ingrained ignorance paired with the European VP (that we hear the most) is that All Americans Have The Same Opportunities and Upbringings leads to a lot of bullshit fuckery.

europeans will really look americans dead in the eye and say they’re so uncultured because they never leave the us

[thewhimsigothscorner]

Received this gem of a message in my email inbox from @nightingalesims. This pretty much pushed me over the edge this morning and with it my absolute last vestige of sympathy for the vast majority of creators bleating poverty due to EA updating their TOUs.

Where was your sympathy for all the sims gameplayers who liked and in some cases loved your content, but couldn’t afford it?

I’m a grown arse woman earning an ok income and even I can’t afford to sub to all the creators who’s work I love!!

Sorry to break it to you, but The Sims franchise is EA’s game, it belongs to them! They OWN the rights to the game and they have an absolute 100% right to update their TOUs whenever the fuck they like and at short to no notice! Also sorry, but these changes are NOT vague and also includes early access content makers as well! Like @mack3030 has said you guys stood on the fence and refused to comment on the permanent paywall creators who permanently hid their creations behind a paywall demanding extortionate amounts of money for their ‘work’. And then shitting over those people by doxxing them whenever their fucking mood took them. Well you FUCKED it for yourselves and have now lost any legs to stand on!

Dear @nightingalesims, I know I’ve subbed to you over the last couple of years because I loved your work, but I haven’t been able to on a more regular basis and when I haven’t I have been more than happy to wait for your content to be released after your early access time period. Sorry if you’re getting the brunt of this, but the reason I can’t always sub to all the creators I like whenever I like it’s because I CANNOT AFFORD TO!

Over the last 4 years I went through a massive career change and my income has not been stable. To add to that the global pandemic hit and I had to take whatever job I could get to pay the bills and pay off debts! This has meant my career change went on hold. To add further to that I got covid and came very close to ending up in hospital! It took me nearly 5 months just to recover from the initial infection yet I still had to work! And to add even more salt to the wounds I’m now battling long covid and have been for the last 18 months! Yet still I’ve had to work and have HAD to go back to doing work I hate because I cannot work as the film and TV makeup artist I retrained to be! I’ve had to take kit fee and no paid MUA gigs when I can to keep my hand in since I retrained despite paying £15k to retrain. I’m permanently fucking exhausted and I’ve had to turn down MUA gigs because if I took them as well as doing my ‘day job’ I would end up being carted off to hospital because of the long covid! I’m a damned good makeup artist. One of the short films I worked on ‘for free’ during the pandemic could be inline for an Oscar and or BAFTA nomination next year, but I’m still having to take kit fee and free jobs! I do the makeup work because I LOVE it! It makes me happy, chaos could be going on around me, but when I’m focused on the makeup it brings me peace. I LIVE for it! The day job, I hate it, it is purely paying the bills and keeping me from being homeless! The sims has been a lovely release for me especially over the last few years and it gives me joy when I play it. I create the odd bit of content for the game too. I’ve released bits here and there. Nothing to right home about, but it’s all been free!

Where has your sympathy been for me? Where has your sympathy been for all the other sims gameplayers who have had a tough time of it and can’t afford to download over priced content? Don’t forget there are also creators out there living in a war zone! I’ve not heard one comment from these creators about being poverty stricken thanks to EA, they’ve had more important things to worry about and to be frank I would rather give what money I have to support them because I know they desperately need the help and support!

Let me break it to you and all the other content creators out there charging for your content… the sims community does not OWE you a living from it! If you want to make money from doing content creations go and fuck off to Second Life where they allow you to make money off of players! The Sims Franchise is clearly not for you!!!! If you are doing this for money you are clearly playing the wrong fucking game!!! There’s the door, I’ll help you pack! But for the love of good fuck off and make your money elsewhere!!!

[bixbythemartian]

I’m just gonna ramble about work for a bit if y’all don’t mind

one of the interesting artifacts of delivering pizza right now is how much more it is obvious that people never use their front doors

this is one of those things that has always been true of delivering pizza, for me (I’ve been in this industry off and on since 2004)

you’ll get to someone’s house and it’s super clear that they always come in and out through the garage because of one or more of the following

their porch is covered in cobwebs

their porch has been taken over by a feral cat colony (probably with some encouragement/feeding by the people who live here, but not necessarily)

the sidewalk from driveway to door is completely overgrown by bushes (it is common courtesy to try not to walk on people’s lawns, because some people get Deeply Weird about that and I want a good tip, but sometimes you gotta because there’s a rosebush that’s out for blood)

their porch is like piled with stuff because it’s mostly used for storage

their porch is like piled with stuff because they think it looks cute but they don’t realize how difficult the stuff makes it to get to the door

It didn’t used to be like SUPER common

in my delivery area it used to be almost entirely middle to upper middle class housing that suffered from this.

really wealthy people pay yard guys to handle the whole thing, so their hedge rows are fine, and really wealthy people tend towards being minimal with any kind of porch decoration- a seasonal wreath and maybe a couple of chairs nobody sits in and a table nobody uses to one side or the other

poorer folks don’t have houses with garages, and if they do have garages they probably don’t have automatic openers. also those were more likely to be rentals and they’d be out smoking on the porch and stuff, they actually use their front porch is my point.

so it’s people who have enough money to have a house with an automatic garage door opener, and who aren’t afraid of being seen as extreme with their porch decorations, that tend towards this particular circumstance

(and like I genuinely love weird porch decorations, the weirder the better, but I do need to be able to reach your door, that’s kinda part of my job)

I generally have worked in the kind of places that have cheap pizzas that college kids and high people eat, so this was like ‘2-3 times a week’ sort of deal. I spent a lot more of my time at the dorms and cheap apartments than I did at nicer houses.

it has changed a lot though, I rarely have a night where I don’t see this kind of thing at least once, here’s my thoughts on why

Pandemic means less people having people over, so nobody is there to say ‘ooh hedge rows are making it hard to get up the walk’ or ‘the cute gnome statue on the porch is at just the right height to whack me in the shins when I come up the stairs, maybe think about moving it back a few inches? I almost broke the damn thing’

the pandemic also means contactless delivery has become more the norm, and so even when you might have in the past had an interaction with a delivery driver who’s like ‘oh by the way, your rosebush attempted to eat me just fyi and I think there’s a spider the size of a housecat living in it’, that doesn’t happen hardly at all anymore

previous management lost us a lot of regulars because they were absolute dickholes and thought customer service was for weenies, but new management took over before the pandemic and so we... like, don’t call customers horrible names when they complain about stuff anymore, and we were one of two places open after 10 pm for a while, so we got back a lot of the townies, and it’s not just college kids and broke folks who order from us anymore (though that’s still one of our main demographics)

the older neighborhood with poorer housing that used to be largely like my parent’s generation or their parent’s generation (boomers and up) is now being bought up by developers and house flippers who are trying to rent to hip young couples and college kids, and they’re slapping paint on houses and throwing in an automatic garage door opener and raising the price like 20%

(this is super infuriating actually because now there’s basically nowhere to live that’s reasonably cheap and kinda shitty in town, it’s all upscale apartments for college students that’s barely occupied, very shitty apartments that are charging way too much, or houses being sold for 20 grand more than they are actually worth, this is why I no longer live in the same town I work)

another interesting thing about pandemic delivery is that my tip average is generally WAY up. I’m not the only one who’s noticed this.

I suspect that when the whole country went to ordering a lot more delivery there was a lot more attention paid to drivers and it’s seemingly resulted in a permanent upswing in tip percentages. generally a lot closer to the 4-5 dollar per delivery range than the 2-3 dollar per delivery range I used to expect.

(not that you can tell that from TONIGHT because I had a miserable tip night, but that’s just luck of the draw sometimes)

[streetlightdiaries]

The Sound

My parents taught me to always clean up before I leave. Make the bed, wipe the counter, straighten the throw rug. Leave it as though you were never there at all. I can’t do that on Long Island. 

My clothes smell of thieves essential oil. The presence of cloves invigorates stagnant parts of my heart; the cinnamon still stings a little. Terica is in a bag in the backseat. A couple of months ago, I thought I would never be able to go back. My whole life has been about second verses and kissing soulmates; I know nothing of permanency, yet here I am driving 75 in a southeast direction. 

I think about cr, who drove all over the Island to be with me. He’s chased me from town to town, patiently fixing my over-priced apartments and listening to my prideful heart. I always used to fall in love with him in my, my, my imagination.

I think about the Sage, who is wise in more ways that her style since she was there for as many late-night histrionics as I was. I always used to be in competition with her in my, my, my imagination. 

I think about the boy whose airplane code comes from some long-lost momentary joke that couldn’t possibly fit him anymore. He is so handsome now that I feel like an idiot, and so damn confounding when he speaks that I can’t help but vocalize my wild eyes. It was actually his imagination that we publicized. My, my, my cancellations.

I went back to Long Island after four years away. “Four plus” cr keeps correcting me. He lets me blame the pandemic for my long absence, but I know I could not have faced him or here until now, even without global restrictions. When I decided to fly home and grow up, it was nearly impossible to tear myself from the Sound and for 4+ years since I’ve heard a reel of conceited thoughts regarding my return: What if I go back and nothing is the same? What if it’s too much the same? What if my friends don’t want to see me? What if I feel regret? What if I am too overcome by sadness and refuse to ever leave again—like that summer we stayed with Bedlight and got dressed out of the truck of my car? But it wasn’t like any of that. 

I was noticeably stronger walking across the slate slabs of Sea Cliff. My body seems to carry a muscle memory of how tired it was the last time we were here—how unhealed it was from anything it had ever been through. I left this place half dead from loneliness, but that pain isn’t with me anymore and I looked, but didn’t find it anywhere between the Cove and Sunrise either. So I called the Airplane Codes.  

Enough about me now, you gotta talk about the people, baby—

Cut to a group of us standing in a close circle, reading my star chart in a dive bar because we’d die if we showed any interest in the band. I forgot what it’s like to have people around me who would have already seen Tom’s letter to Skiba and would most definitely have an opinion on it. The Sage’s gift has grown into a confident ability to read any of us at a moment’s notice, so she entertains the group with visions of whom we should end up loving forever, as if it will be someone who hasn’t already been mentioned tonight. Because of these three things I can be sure will never change: Someone will bring up “Heartbeat,” someone will bring up the Singer, and many will say, “Remember that time that This Condition . . .”

But we bring out-of-network friends now too, who offer their indispensable opinions on our chronic bullshit: 

“I mean, anyone that I haven’t dated, she has,” I say. 

“New rule!” she exclaims into the cold night air, “You guys have to date other people! And no more musicians.” 

We just laugh and buy her another round. 

We take turns making each other blush with stories that have not only been remembered, but immortalized into rhetoric; cr knows every one of my mistakes and brings them up by name. He retells our stories in the funniest fucking ways though, like the time I brought his cab home from the city, the time I drove to Connecticut for that Taylor guitar, and the times we defended each other against the bfg. He remembers all those times I cut my hair with a razor blade and that one drive home on the Southern State when even 11:11 couldn’t save him. It’s pretty rough having fifteen-year old friendships; these are people who have seen me at my worst and at my best, neither of which I’m at now. However, it also seems that they won’t ever let me float away. I won’t ever be able to pretend that all of this was so long ago, much less that it never happened at all.

Some things are sacred, like Matty Healy’s hair and Nicky C when a Green Day song comes on. So sweet it won’t offend anybody. The clock drones on way past midnight, and we say we’re waiting for our other token bassist but really, we just don’t want to leave each other. The 7 of us.

If they are love, then healing is listening to “Home” by This Condition while driving down Ocean Parkway. I sat alone on the beach the morning after, staring out at the Atlantic. Readers will most likely find this re-telling to be false or in the least, highly exaggerated and yet, I don’t see a way things could have been less dramatic. To the left of me was a vision of Jake and Ryan and Radio lying on a beach towel. The sun glistened off of their bodies in a way that made no one jealous but each other. We’re just 20 years old. 

Well I know when you’re around, ‘cause I know the sound, I know the sound of your heart.

I think about the Pilot and his jaded words. The only difference between us and him is that we’ve all left, and he never did. Maybe the cliché is so for a reason and it’s true that you can’t truly appreciate something until it’s gone. Maybe you can’t claim a home until you drive away from it. 

Nearly all of my adventures in writing have been love letters disguised as diatribes to this place and them. Perhaps I am still naïve. Perhaps they are too willing to play along. But I’m quite pleased to report that the magic is alive and well in Long Island, New York. 

Love, T.

“Part of the Band” and “The Sound” by The 1975 

[playernumberv]

Returnal may be the best game I’ll probably end up leaving unfinished

But wait, I hear my imaginary audience ask - if a game is that good, how and why would I possibly leave it unfinished? And indeed, when I leave a game unfinished, it’s usually because I don’t have much good to say about it, and no longer deem it worthy of my time. I left Assassin’s Creed Valhalla unfinished after 30 hours in it, for example, because it just kept dragging on and on and on and I just got incredibly bored. That’s not the case with Returnal at all. 

In what has been for me a relatively lull year in games (with nothing having reached my personal standard for being a GOTY contender yet), Returnal has been the most compelling and fascinating title I’ve played. It is just utterly stellar. I love how intriguing the sci-fi psychological horror/thriller setting is, and while sparse, the little narrative there is compels me to want to find out more about Atropos and Selene. The third-person shooter combat is visceral and fluid, and is a mad rush of pure adrenaline and exhilaration that is complemented by an overwhelming smorgasbord of eye-melting visual effects. Audio design can only be described as majestic, with thunderous combat soundtracks that catalyze the already sky-high intensity of the game’s combat, and the deafening roar of enemy cries truly tear right into you, making you feel as if you were truly confronted by terrifying alien monstrosities. Level design and art design are similarly masterful, creating an alien world that genuinely feels alive and horrifying. And have I mentioned how indescribably good the dualsense implementation is? You can feel the pitter-patter of raindrops; you can feel the kinetic rush of dashing; you can feel the recoil of gunfire. If Astro’s Playroom was a technical demonstration of what the dualsense could be capable of, Returnal is an applied demonstration of how the dualsense can truly elevate gaming experiences. Every aspect of this game comes together and just oozes an unprecedented level of quality in the level of immersion it achieves - it bombards you with near-endless bursts of visual, auditory, as well as sensory feedback, and in so doing creates a truly next-gen gaming experience that feels extremely immersive. Short of VR experiences, I daresay no other game has ever come close to such an immaculate level of immersion, so much so that can say unironically that the game actually makes me feel like I’m stranded on an alien world.

Again I hear my imaginary audience ask - this makes no damn sense, if Returnal is as magnificent as I claim it to be, why would I leave it unfinished?

And to that, my answer is this: Returnal is simply far too punishing and inaccessible. For a working adult who—I’m ashamed to say, despite my immense love of games—isn’t especially skilled at gaming and who has relatively limited time and energy for gaming, Returnal simply demands far too much. It’s utterly soul-crushing. To begin with, I am not a fan of the repetitiveness of roguelikes, and even a roguelike as polished and well-designed as Hades did not especially impress me, as I mentioned in my earlier review of it. Yet Hades’ roguelike is, ironically enough, heavenly compared to the genuine hellishness of Returnal’s roguelike, where permanent upgrades are extremely scarce to the point of being nearly non-existent. Virtually everything resets with each death. Your weapons: gone, reduced to ashes. Your suit upgrades, health upgrades, all gone. And that may have been fine were the game itself not nail-bitingly hard—it’s not uncommon at all to have to spend an hour or even more on preparation, only for one small mistake to be severely punished before you even manage to reach the boss, and to have to restart from zero all over again. Furthermore, as is standard of the roguelike genre, there is a fair bit of randomness—and so how successful each run is may in part be determined by whether you luck out on obtaining the desired suit upgrades or your desired weapon. This randomness further compounds the amount of time that needs to be spent on preparing, failing, being unlucky, and trying all over again. That may have been fine once in a while, but repeat this cycle enough times, and Returnal becomes a miserable punishment. It’s utterly soul-crushing to have to waste hours on preparation, only to fail and have all the preparation completely reduced to nothing. And this isn’t even accounting for how gruellingly tough the boss fights can be. Returnal makes you squander hours upon hours—it severely punishes failure, to the point where its rewards, majestic though they are, become overshadowed by its punishment.

Yes, yes, I can already hear a portion of my imaginary audience chanting. ‘GIT GUD’, they say, and I don’t deny at all that I am not good at Returnal. But I am certain that there are other gamers, who like me, do not play games to be punished, challenged, and pushed to our limits—we play games for entertainment, for relaxation, and for escapism from the stresses and difficulties of the real world, something that may be especially important in the broken, pandemic-stricken world we live in currently. Returnal is the utter opposite of relaxation, and if a (mostly) healthy, able-bodied person like me finds it inaccessible, I imagine it to be even more so for a huge proportion of others out there. To be fair, I hesitate to call any of this a ‘flaw’ on the part of Returnal, and I do understand the sentiments of the ‘git gud’ crowd—there’s a strong charm to Returnal’s unflinching adherence to its vision, and its insistence on having an identity of relentlessness and challenge is in its own way very respectable and charismatic. I also do understand the immense elation and satisfaction of surmounting a seemingly-impossible challenge—beating the bosses of the first and second biomes of Returnal filled me with a raw euphoria no game has given me in ages. In part, having no recourse towards an easier way out is part of this charm. Knowing that one cannot simply choose an easier option, for there is none, truly does magnify the immense satisfaction of conquering a challenge.

With all that being said, I cannot help but think that sacrificing a small part of that charisma and charm in the noble pursuit of accessibility is a worthy cost. This need not even involve sacrificing the roguelike genre in favour of a more generic third-person action-adventure style of gameplay—although admittedly, given my general disdain for roguelikes, this would probably have been a better fit for me. I do have to say that the roguelike genre is perfect for Returnal. Its central narrative theme of being stranded on an alien planet where the main character returns by death—wait, wrong series—provides perfect ludonarrative harmony when melded with the roguelike genre, and this harmonious complementation between game-play and narrative is truly brilliant. Even maintaining its roguelike genre, I sincerely believe that Returnal could have been made to be substantially more accessible and less punishing, and to shift the mechanics away from randomness and towards granting more player control. Having difficulty options provide a convenient way to accomplish this, but I do believe the roguelike itself could also learn a number of lessons from Hades. For example, even maintaining its present difficulty levels, a larger number of permanent upgrades would go an incredibly long way in making Returnal’s roguelike far more meaningful and palatable. More forms of permanent suit or health upgrades, as well as more permanent weapons—being stuck with only a pistol at the start of every run is extremely unwelcome—would be immensely appreciable as well. Implementing these changes would indeed compromise some of Returnal’s unflinching and unrelenting vision. But would it not be a worthy trade-off if a greater number of people can experience the utter majesty of what Housemarque has accomplished here in terms of audio design, game design, art design, and narrative?

I truly am impressed by Returnal, and when awards season comes by at the end of the year, I think it unquestionably deserves every accolade it will almost surely obtain, be it in audio, narrative, or gameplay. It is the best game I’ve played this entire year so far, and even as I type this, I feel a rush of sheer awe at just how unbelievably excellent Returnal is. Unfortunately, my affections for Returnal feel unrequited. My circumstances and my relative incompetence as a gamer make it near-impossible for me to ever experience in full all that Returnal has to offer, despite my great desire to be able to. So, it seems, despite my deep affections for Returnal, I may never finish it, and I will think back to this years later with deep regret, wishing that I were in more suitable circumstances, wishing that I were a better gamer, and wishing that Returnal could have been more accessible. Alas, these wishes were not to be.

[jbbuckybarnes]

We need to talk...

I knew that this topic of interactions will come up again, because it has never been talked all the way through, so I had this drafted for a while. So much of this old draft still resonated with this permanently unfinished discussion that I just had to edit it and post it, because I feel like it has to be said and put into one post. We can’t keep starting this conversation and then make it so dramatic that there is no conclusion or compromise. The only reason this time is more mellow is because people have better standards for this stuff due to a pandemic going on. This is written for the MCU fandom, but I’ve seen this go down in different fandoms, so here we go:

Things that are NOT at fault for readers not interacting:

The Readers. Should be clear after asking them again and again. And nothing changing. The readers at large are not at fault for a couple people being demanding or hateful. Neither are they at fault for this website and other social medias automatically putting writers at a disadvantage. They do their best with the time they have in their life (just like writers). And after asking them over months to try and reblog more and not much changing, it should be obvious that it isn’t where the problem lies. At least not 95% of it. NOW:

Things that ARE at fault for readers not interacting:

Pushing them, thinking they owe you stuff, while you tear other writers down saying that nobody owes them stuff. That happens time and time again. To me, to friends, to writers I check in with. Don't expect community to come to you when you don't come to them.

Not putting anon asks off when demands and hate get too much. It’s literally THAT easy when people get nasty. It’s sad for the nice anons, but they will understand. Save your mental health! Save the mental health of people reading that hate on their dash. I don’t know how many people constantly answering to hate I have unfollowed and I’m sure people have unfollowed me for doing the same.

Ego and hypocrisy. You can't say numbers aren't a problem and then say they are. In the same post. AND then also deny it later in some of the cases we’ve seen in recent months. Yes, that happened. In several fandoms where this topic comes up semi-regularly. And that might also be the reason people are tired of this stuff and speak out against it.

The fact Tumblr is only used approximately twice a year by most people. And has a shitty tag system. And a shitty algorithm. You are at an automatic disadvantage.

The fact some of you can't understand that 3-5% of your following interacting is a good and normal rate on pretty much all social media. The bigger you get in followers, the bigger the gap gets between followers and interaction (and demand and hate). There are literal statistics on that. 1% interaction at 10k is still good for a platform you have no power over!

The fact some of the people here call anons *haters* for pointing out that you interact w the same 10 people, making that speace seem excluding, when it's literally true what those people say!? Nothing wrong with only support the same 10 people on your blog, but then don't say that you practice what you preach (cause you don’t). You can’t demand more interaction when you don’t interact more yourself. That is how it works, for anyone, not just people of a certain follower count. If I reblog more fics, my blog gets more clout. Logical conclusion. Works for everyone. You have no time for that? Then don’t expect more back. It’s called SOCIAL media for a damn reason.

Telling people asking for Tumblr advice to interact more to make new friends but being the most defensive/indifferent person once they talk to you in DMs. Yes, that keeps happening and I know it from either my own experience or from others sharing their experiences with me. It’s kinda sad. It’s more of a minor factor in people not interacting, but I’ve seen it enough to mention it.

Making shitposts and personal posts all day and then saying you don't have the time in your life to interact w peoples' writings. Like, drabbles exist on almost anyone's masterlist. 5 minute read, easy support for a writer that might be losing motivation. Not every work has to be written like a novel to be great as hell or “quality proven.”

Oh, and there hasn't been a MCU movie in a while, making most of our readership probably currently not care about the fandom as much. Especially after Endgame ended up being a total opinion splitter.

Bonus: The misunderstanding that pushing shy readers to interact does the exact opposite. Not to start about the fact that we are in the middle of a pandemic at the moment. That means they may not have time to read and you may not have time to write. Normal. Logical. The same reason lots of people currently don’t publish. Don’t expect anything predictable and controlable out of current times.

Bonus: Check how you connect interactions to self worth and worth/fun of your writing hobby. Define what success means for you in this space, otherwise you will never be satisfied. It won’t matter if a post has 1k reblogs, you’ll always want more, because you chase an infinite metric.

Bonus: Maybe take a month to concentrate on community, getting outside of your bubble that you deny but very likely have (I’m not excluding myself from this), and actually improve interactions. Some people seem to have forgotten that when you interact with other writers, they probably interact back. Surprise! Your followers already know your tried and true fanfic friends, they want some new stuff without searching for it. Basic Marketing knowledge, know what your audience wants. If you do this for the interactions you gotta look at it from a marketing standpoint and not a pure passion standpoint. Oh: And maybe they find you interacting in the notes of someone else’s post and become an active follower. Win-Win-Win situation.

Bonus: Community is a loop, a net of interactions. Some people here have clique behavior, sound defensive and/or simply don't practice what they preach. That is not me or anyone else hating on specific blogs (I’m also no complete exception), it’s people trying to tell you that you can’t ask for shit you don’t practice yourself. Nothing wrong with supporting your friends only, but then don’t go around expecting new people to find your stuff. It’s literally THAT simple. You can’t have both!

Bonus: Ignoring some of the ride or die readers that are already there. Some of the people on here wish they had that and it’s deadass taken it for granted by some. Meanwhile I'm sitting here with Serotonin levels like christmas when someone I know reblogs my stuff and my fic gets some clout. Imma repeat myself: If you do it for the numbers, you gotta look at it more like marketing and less like pure passion.

And again: You are on a social media platform that will always put you at a disatvantage. That is not the readers' fault. It's how social media works at this point. If you want as much interaction as you can without putting in more interaction work yourself, simply share your works on here, AO3 and Wattpad simultaneously. Problem solved.

Bottomline: If you want more love on your work you gotta go beyond what you currently do, since it’s clearly not working for you. Reblog stuff from people you don't know. I don't give a sh*t if it's a 5k or a 100 follower blog. Hell, there is the whole 366 reblog challenge and some of you deadass went on reblogging the same people when that’s not really what this was made for. I, personally, haven't run out of new people to reblog, so this shouldn't be hard. Actually take time to talk to people in DM's, it takes 10 minutes in the evening to write a few people a message asking how they are or sending a cute gif. If you want stuff, you have to give it. Not leave it. People have come to me before, telling me "the community doesn't owe you stuff", no, they don't, but they do owe if they wanna be owed something back or even demand to be owed something back. Community is about back and forth. You give, you get. It's work, cause it's a big hobby. If you don't have time, that's cool, but then don't be sad about lower interaction. It’s logical that low activity from you leads to low activity from others in the long run, unless you do something worldshakingly new. You don't wanna look beyond a circle of friends or your go-to writers much? That's fine, but don't be upset about barely new people interacting cause they feel excluded or simply don’t find your work because of the same people seeing the same people reblogging the same works. What's not fine is not seeing how readers are NOT THE PROBLEM.

I haven’t talked to a single person about this that DIDN’T find the posts surrounding it demanding and completely ignoring the arguments some others had...repeatedly. Every single time it came up. Not just once but time and time again, whenever this topic comes up. You want interaction? Interact. You don’t want hate? Don’t give it a platform. As harsh as that sounds, I’ve never felt better on this platform since I put anon asks off, even when I miss the nice anons. They probably understand. PS: Again, this was written a while ago and edited to fit into a more general context now. I hope people can discuss this in a civil, non-judgmental way, because that is how I tried to write this. This is not again a specific person or group, it’s pinpointing what I see repeating for two years on this platform now, in all corners. I’d also like to mention that we are still in a pandemic and lives have never looked so vastly different, so you can’t demand anything normal in this very not normal time. Even if you do it all right, your interactions dropped in the pandemic cause people likely stay away form this platform for mental health reasons. There is so many layers to look at, these clearly aren’t all, but I hope it makes some people think about what and when they complain. Numbers will never satisfy you, they will always leave you wanting more if you don’t know why you do what you do and for what. Anyway: Be nice to each other and me in the notes in case this gets shared! No drama please! Ignore any grammar and typo mistakes, lol. Love ya!

[me-and-your-husband]

Christmas Countdown Day 9: Volunteering w/ Ransom

Word Count: 1k

A/N: this is horrible but i needed to write so here's this shit post (but it's kinda cute ngl)

The only person Ransom can stand is me. If he has the option, he'll avoid any and all people. He was an asshole; but he would do anything for me.

So, when I asked him, no, when I told him we were volunteering at the elderly care home this week, he almost shit his pants.

With the pandemic, the residents at care homes can't see their family or friends this Christmas. It makes feel so bad, that there's shitty people not following the regulations while our poor elders can't even see their kids. This motivated me to volunteer. Of course, Ransom and I and to get tested a week prior to volunteering and then quarantine until the day we volunteered.

Ransom could definitely use some volunteer work. The only problem was getting him to do it.

"No. I'm not fucking doing it, Y/N," he said, arms folded over his chest as he leaned against the kitchen counter. His jaw clenched as I spoke.

"Come on' Ransom. If not for the poor old people, for me?" I asked, putting my hands on his arms and looking up at him with the best puppy dog eyes I could muster. He ripped his gaze away from mine, closing his eyes in defeat.

"Fine," he said after drawing in a deep breath. "But you owe me a huge fucking one."

Squealing in satisfaction, I wrapped my arms around his neck. This would be an...adventure and a half.

-

Masks on, Ransom and I walked into the care home. The receptionist greeted us with smiling eyes, and I'm sure a smile underneath the mask. The place was nice and modern, soft classical music playing in the background as a few residents gathered in the common room to chat or play games. After signing in and getting screened, a lovely lady with thick rimmed glasses and fluffy auburn hair showed us where we should be and what we should do.

"Okay, I'll see you in a bit Ransom. But remember, don't be a dick. They're just lovely old people, got it?" I said just above a whisper. I made my intentions known with my eyes. He sighed and nodded, and we went out separate ways.

All we were meant to do was entertain the residents. We could do this by just talking to them, getting to know them or playing a game with them. Anything personal, really.

I watched Ransom walk across the room and sit down close to an old man reading a hefty novel.

"Do you mind if I join you?" I asked sweetly to an old woman with short grey hair and a permanent smile. She wore a giant burgundy sweatshirt that covered her frail figure. She nodded and gestured to the seat across from her. We still had to be a few feet apart.

"What's your name, dear?" She said, voice anything but shaky. She was a confident speaker, I could tell that much already.

"Y/N. And you?"

"Oh that's a lovely name, Y/N. I'm Janet," she spoke endearingly. When she smiled, the corners of her eyes wrinkled up. She was adorable.

"Is that man your boyfriend?" She asked, pointing to Ransom before I could even say anything else.

I nodded timidly. "Yes, why do you ask?"

She hummed in contentment. "I could tell by the way he looks at you. He nearly scowled at everyone else who's looked at either of you since you've been in here, but when he looks at you his eyes soften."

A rosy tint surfaced on my cheeks, covered by my mask. "It's amazing that you noticed that," I changed the subject.

"I was a detective," she said, still looking over at Ransom. I started to ask about her career, but she began again. "Does he treat you right? Does he show that he loves you?"

I had to think. Not for an answer, but for a way to explain the way I felt about him in words. "Yeah. He does, he definitely does." We both just simply looked at Ransom, who was now engaged in a civil conversation with the man. They looked like they were talking about something they both enjoyed.

"That's my husband," Janet stated, referring to the man Ransom was talking to.

-

RANSOM'S POINT OF VIEW

I seriously cannot fucking believe that Y/N is making me do this bullshit. Why couldn't we just stay at home? We don't even have to fuck! Even though I'd love to-

Taking a seat near but not to close to the closet resident I could find (or the one who looked most occupied and had the least chance of initiating conversation with me), I plopped down onto a cheap La-Z-Boy and huffed. Watching the time tick by slowly and slowly on my watch, the seconds seemed like hours.

"So, that's your girl over there?" Said the man who should have stuck to reading his damn book. Turning my head to look at Y/N, I nodded.

"Yeah, she's quite the keeper, isn't she?" I said. Great. It's bad enough that I'm going totally soft for her, now I'm talking this this? Bullshit.

"She's talking to my wife," he said. His voice was deep and full of age, yet his face showed adventure and experience.

"You must have an interesting wife."

"I sure do, I sure do." He looked at her like it was the first time he ever saw her. I hope Y/N still looks at me like that when we're old and not even botox will bring us youth. "Listen here, boy," he started. I was about to turn around and tell him off for acting like my dad, but I stopped myself at the thought of Y/N's words.

"You keep her. You make it work. Even if something happens, you break your back to bend and find a way to make it work. Don't screw up, because if you lose her it will be the worst mistake you could ever make. I see it in the way you looked at each other, how much one cherishes the other. I look at my wife like that," he said firmly, as if reprimanding me for something I didn't do yet. "Understood?"

"Understood," I said, my eyes on Y/N. I wonder what her and this guy's wife were talking about for Y/N to be so into the conversation like that.

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[afaustrophe]

second august of the COVID-19 pandemic era

Writing this, my first thought was, damn I don't even know how to write anymore!

I don't know where to start. My last entry was years ago. Times were different back then. No one knew that masks would be a permanent daily essential. We all lived busy lives, daily routines, taking a lot of things, most especially time I must say, for granted.

Now, living in this pandemic era, people seem to have realized the importance of a lot of things. I.t is good to know that despite this challenging time, we are realizing and learning a lot of things. Most especially about life.

I didn't expect that this pandemic era would also be life changing for me. Let's do some catching up before we go into further mindful and emotional details. In another post maybe.

I think the last time I made an entry here, I was just starting to travel to places. Now I think I already have a fair amount of domestic and international travel. Best travel so far? Japan! That was a really fulfilling experience.

6 years later of working with the first company I worked for after graduation, I'm finally spreading my wings and trying out outside of this comfort zone and sandbox that taught me to build sandcastles and fly.

I surprised myself when I finally took that huge step of choosing myself first before others. I broke up with the person that I always thought back then would be the person that I'd walk down the aisle with, because of a promise we made at a church during our first year together, but then promises of love just really won't be enough if there isn't harmony, understanding, compromise, openness, and a lot of other things. I can tell more about this with its own subject if l feel like writing again. That was a really tough, heartbreaking time, but it's true what they say, there isn't anything that time won't be able to heal.

I am now happily in love, valued with more than what I feel like I deserve. He came at the worst time of my life, maybe to save me and keep me sane as l did to him. He said l gave light and color to his gray life when we started talking, but what he didn't know then was I was also in need of light that time, and I wasn't expecting for him to arrive with the light right when I need it the most.

I still get anxious days, but I'd like to believe I'm getting better. I'm still in the middle of what they call a quarter life crisis. But I'm proud of myself for finally making life changing decisions on my own.

I am continuously trying every day because times are tough and we must survive hoping for better days ahead, because it's gonna get better.

[khaleesiofalicante]

All of this is crap, feel free to delete , please !!

_

I have been feeling low, for almost 7 months now, past few month have been very overwhelming for me. I don't know what phase is this but it is getting bit much to handle.

I didn't had much things that gave me happiness but now those things have stopped making me feel good, like I love(d) chocolates , every fibre of my body crave(d) for it and whenever I ate one I used to feel content, it was my comfort food (?) but recently it doesnot make me feel like that anymore. And this same happened with few other things , I found myself thinking about it and this made me sad. I don't know what it means and I don't think I even want to but this sometimes scares me , i don't know why but it does.

There are certain things that i never knew i paid attention to and even remembered that were said to me . I didn't knew recalling them would hurt me even tho they didn't affected me the time they were said or maybe the case is they did but i just repressed the thoughts and feelings. Maybe hearing same things time to time took a permanent place in my brain that can never be abandoned, then the recurring process of flash of memories from beginning to end make it worse.

I 've been from a long time being told to look after my weight and skin. Everytime I meet some close relative even before having a proper greet the first thing I am made aware about is either my weight or how the acne on my face is looking. Like now it has become so normal that everytime someone comments I just say ,"its been happening for a long time" and they too know about it. I do get affected by them saying things but what affects me most is when this thing is pointed out by my family . Yesterday i was laying on bed and my mother came into room and looked at me and said in the best nicest possible way that "why one day your face seems clear and why next day there are so many pimples and spots and whatever". My dad always points this out by saying that please take care of your skin/face i want my daughter to look the most beautiful. I know they want best for me but they 've been saying this for almost half the years of my life i've lived so far ( i am almost 20)  . Still i wait for that day when they'll say you are perfect the way you are , you don't need to change. But I know it won't happen ever. Only if they knew how much it hurts everytime someone points it out, how much I curse my existence at that very moment, how much insecure and worthless and inferior I feel within seconds of time, how much urge I feel to just run away from all this. I know they want good for me but why they feel that being flawless is good. It hurts , sometimes too much.

I have never been one of those who could express things easily , I find it too damn hard to say what I want what i feel .Though I try sometimes but not too hard just a bit because whenever and to whomsoever I tried to even show bare minimum of something either its been talked over or the other person is not able to understand or the other person can't do anything except nod in agreement or I start to feel so anxious that I myself drift away from topic or ...... And I don't blame anyone for this , how can I when I am the one who doesn't try, I just can't.  I don't know what keeps me from saying things outloud but something does.

*deep sigh* :/

-

THANK YOU for reading and SORRY for wasting your time.

Hello, my love.

Thank you for sharing this with me.

I just want to start with something simple - I'm ready to beat the shit out of people who have been ignorant and unkind towards you. So, just keep that in mind.

Alright now.

You remind me a little of Alec, you know? You say you can't express things easily and here you are coherently and patiently explaining something that is troubling you. I see you, little Alec!

If you are having trouble talking to those around you, that's okay. Sometimes it's not that we don't know how to say things, but we get more worried about what would happen if those words leave our mouth. So, we don't talk. We pretend like we don't know how to. Or we tell ourselves that we don't have to. You talk when you feel like it. You express your feelings when you feel ready. There is no rush.

Acne doesn't make a person not beautiful. Gaining weight doesn't make someone not pretty. The funny thing it is very common for women to experience both - especially when they are stressed. So, if someone is making you feel bad about experiencing something like acne and putting on weight, then they are just stupid. They don't understand biology.

A side note that acne and weight gain (along with some other symptoms) are often connected to hormonal imbalances. This is why we notice girls feeling bloated or having pimples when they get their period. It's natural. It's science. There are many women who experience conditions such as POCS which leads to such symptoms too. If there is a medical issue, taking medication does help. If this is something you want to learn more about and understand better, I'm happy to take you through it since it's something I focus on at work.

Every time you remember something someone said about you that wasn't kind just tell yourself their opinion doesn't matter. Because that's all it is. It's just an opinion - one that you didn't even ask for.

As for the chocolate....Sometimes chocolate can increase acne and as we know sweets can contribute to weight gain. Perhaps one of the reasons you don't want to eat it anymore is because somewhere in your mind you believe that you shouldn't eat it anymore.

But fuck that. If it is something that makes you happy, then you are allowed to enjoy it. It's alright if you can't get back to enjoying chocolate right now. You can get there slowly. Until that, find yourself another comfort good. There is so much yummy stuff out there.

Just remember that you are so much more than what other people tell you - cause they don't see everything. They only see what they want to see. They see what they think is important. That is not who you are. Never let them tell you who you are.

Unless it's a doctor, no one is allowed to tell you what you should eat. Unless it's Magnus Bane, no one is allowed to tell you what you should look like or what you should do with your life.

If your parents don't appreciate you for who you are, that says more about them than it does about you. it's something they need to work on. You will find things to be happy about again. You will find things that will make you feel good. We can start trying by diverting your attention a little towards those and less towards those judgemental relatives (who once again I am happy to beat up <3 )

Start small. You could consider doing one thing - just one tiny thing - that makes you feel good every day. Just one thing. And we'll take it from there.

Also, you say you are not trying. You don't want to try. But here you are talking to me about how you feel. You are trying. And I think that's fucking amazing.

You know what I realised after the pandemic? Life is really too fucking short and unpredictable. So, letting judgmental adults and some acne determine who we are and how we should feel is a little scary. Fuck the relatives. Fuck the acne.

You do you.

All my love,

Dani x.