#I can’t relax I can never relax
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caterpillarinacave · 6 months ago
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maybe I’ll run away and join the moss
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pwurrz · 5 months ago
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who’s ready for more yakumo trauma talk-! *i am forcibly removed from the stage before i can begin speaking*
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howdoyousleep3 · 10 months ago
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if anyone wants to chat about priest ari 👀 or priest andy 👀 or father james 👀 or father steve 👀 my body is ready…
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cold-canteen · 1 month ago
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Berovias most vampire of all time for sure
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tequila-starlight · 7 months ago
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Campfire Cuddles
All Tags Below Cut!
Fandom: Pokémon
Character(s): Alain, Ash, Charizard, Greninja
Ship(s): Alain/Ash, Charizard/Greninja
Platonic Ship(s): Alain & Charizard, Ash & Greninja
Content Warning(s): -
Rating: General Audiences
TSME Week Day 7: FREE DAY
Alain and Charizard learn that Greninja is just as cuddly as his trainer.
“I love you too, Alain!” The words came so much easier to Ash. Alain was immensely grateful for it. “You’re my… uh, I can’t remember what it’s called… Quirky Patient Pal?”
“Queerplatonic partner,” Alain supplemented with a laugh, kissing Ash’s forehead. “But ‘Quirky Patient Pal’ works too.”
READ HERE ON AO3
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Tags
•Fluff
•Aromantic
•Asexual Character
•Asexual Satoshi | Ash Ketchum
•Aromantic Asexual Satoshi | Ash Ketchum
•Queerplatonic Relationships
•Asexual Relationship
•Aged-Up Character(s)
•Not Beta Read
•Charizard likes Greninja but Greninja’s feelings are left vague
•Sawyer’s Sceptile is mentioned and also makes a brief appearance at the end
•Alain/Ash QPR Supremacy baby
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a-ikuoliver · 4 months ago
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bruh
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skoulsons · 1 year ago
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She beat his chest.
She beat his chest and he held her.
Well, as best he could with one arm. As best he could in this newfound partnership with a kid. As best he could not know what plagued her mind so much that she lashed out against him. What thoughts and memories were circulating in her mind to send a strong, wise girl into feeling such a way.
His phantom pain and loss on his right side longed to hold her back. To hold her as she deserved to be held. Had she ever been held before? His left hand only jumped between rubbing small circles down her back, tracing her spine, to threading his fingers through her blonde strands, carding the tangles out as he combed his fingers through. But it wasn’t enough.
His hand, as it was against the crown of her head, left too much empty space across her back. He wasn’t holding her at all that point; she was pushing herself into his chest, her fists balled up against it. And with a hand across her back left out, what he figured, was some degree of comfort and reassurance, purely based on the way her breathing changed every time he did.
He couldn’t give her the best of both.
But he did what he could. What, deep down, he thought was right. He’d never comforted anyone, let alone a young girl, in a long time. He hadn’t been comforted, truly comforted, or held in a long time. Like the pain in his right side, it was a sort of phantom pain. Something there was missing, but he could never get it back.
He didn’t say anything and it caught her, and, funny enough, him by surprise. He never stopped talking, they both knew that. She’d told him as much.
You talk a lot.
That I do, birdie.
Even if it was mindless information; meaningless words that meant no stretch of importance in the Black, he said it anyway. Random stories of his time on the Green, mythical tales, old partners, some phrase he picked up in his time as a scoundrel and it’s history that needed a twenty minute explanation. Everything had a place in the air between him and anyone who would listen. Or wouldn’t.
But now, in a moment of emotional vulnerability that they somehow managed to keep at bay until right now, he had nothing. Not a word to lighten the mood (and he’d thought about it, but decided against it), or a word of comfort. Though, he wasn’t exactly sure what could comfort her through something like this.
Her cries had quieted down, only small hiccups strewn across his chest and following sniffles and gasps for air. She loosened her fists against his chest, very gently fiddling with the slack of his undershirt.
He’s not Damon.
Eventually, she adjusted against him and pulled her arms away from his chest and wrapped them around his middle. She held onto her own hands around his back and settled her face more into his chest.
He’s not Damon.
He continued tracing her spine. Whenever a few more tears fell or she’d sniffle or let out a small whimper, he’d bring his arm as far around her back as he could, squeezing her tightly for a moment, eyes closed as his cheek would graze the side of her head. He’d turn into it, every time, nearly swaying them side to side to hold her as tight as he could.
How much was too much? Could he hold her as tightly as he wanted to, that he believed she deserved for all that she’s gone through?
She was a tough kid, that was for sure. He, honestly, never imagined having to do this. Having to comfort some kid who shouldn’t have been been on the green in the first place. A girl who’s father he killed. He shouldn’t be doing this.
He shouldn’t be caring. Shouldn’t be attached, if he could even call it that. Shouldn’t want to hold her tight enough to squeeze the life out of her. To reassure her and try and understand the thoughts in her head and hold them in his own. For her to lay her grievances on him so he could bare them in her place. He shouldn’t be wanting to take care of her.
Reluctantly, she pulled away slowly, reaching up to wipe at her face with her sleeve before he could see her.
Ezras hand hovered, unsure what exactly to do with it. He let it fall to his own side, hesitant to keep on her if she didn’t still want it.
She let her head hang as she pressed her sleeves to her face, trying to sniffle the congestion away that all her crying had given her.
“I’m not… mad at you,” she started, trying to compose herself in front of him despite having just cried against his chest. “There’s a lot that’s happened. Damon, the Saters, your injury, trying to get off the Green, trying to keep you alive…” she sighed, doubting he understood the weight of last frustrating few cycles and how they’d weighed on her.
She looked up shyly, anticipating a more Damon-esque reaction to her outburst. “It’s been a lot and it caught up with me and I didn’t know what to do with it. I’m sorry,” she said, looking anywhere but his eyes.
Ezra gave her a hesitant, soft smile. “That’s alright, little bird, don’t you worry a thing about it. I’m afraid I can’t be mad at you for feeling such a way after all that has transpired.”
He was not Damon.
Damon would ridicule her for feeling anything that wasn’t related to Aurelac, the Green, or survival. He’d make her push through it, refusing any comfort or reassurance, leaving Cee to fight it all on her own. He didn’t let her enjoy things or have likes. She’d tried to talk about The Streamer Girl to him, and every time he’d managed to brush her off and pay more attention to his syrettes or sleeping. He was barely kind. She was barely a person to him anymore, let alone a daughter. An extra pair of hands just so he could get some points.
But Ezra. Ezra was kind. He was soft. He wore a smile that she hadn’t seen in a long time, especially not on her own father. He indulged her likes and even said he’d like to read Streamer Girl someday. He protected her every way he knew how while also missing a limb. He trusted her. Trusted her words and trusted her capabilities.
“Say, birdie, do you plan to write some of your thoughts into that notebook? You spend quite the time in there as is-“
She laughed wetly and punched his arm, “shut up, Ezra.”
He smiled, raising his only arm surrender. “Afraid I’m not critiquing your avocations. Simply an observation.” He paused, his lips forming a tight line. “Think it’d do you well to write them down, birdie.”
He was right. She did spend a lot with her notebook. Writing, mostly. Her own small stories. Retelling Streamer Girl word for word from reading it so many times. Small sketches of what she saw on the Green or out in the Black. The interior of the ship. Ezra.
She could add journaling to the list.
Cee nodded, her eyes still red and slightly puffy as she looked up at him. “Yeah, maybe so.”
They didn’t talk much more that night, the two of them settling comfortably into the silence. Well, silence for Ezra. It was only slightly uncomfortable to him, but with the light scratch of Cee’s pen against the paper and her humming and the tapping of her foot to the tune coming in through her headphones, he managed.
They were managing. A new person, for both of them. For Ezra, a child. For Cee, a guardian. New, unforeseen circumstances to work through. Both of them having someone to care about, to fight for. And the entirety of the Black out there to explore, and they’d be doing it together.
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seimei-chsq · 1 year ago
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i regret to inform you all that i just did ~30 minutes of basic beginner yoga and it did, in fact, help shut up the hobgoblin that lurks in my brain.
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valewritessss · 2 months ago
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I feel like I came out of the womb with raging anxiety
#never been fully relaxed a day in my life#literally had a panic attack at age 6-7(?)#I’ve been super self aware for as long as I can remember#the tension in my body is my natural state#I’ve BEEN imagining every worst case scenario since I could form thoughts#7th-8ish grade is where it got worse#had panic attacks like four times a week#and then heart palpitations started and holy shit I was googling symtoms and that would make it worse#was convinced I would get a heart attack#having a headache is part of my daily routine#then I got a crush on a guy and with it came body dysmorphia#couldn’t look people in the eye from how ugly I felt(still struggle with this one but we got this💪🏼💪🏼)#now I mostly just cry#like I deadass get stressed and overwhelmed and just cry#depression came next and I was honestly not surprised#and it tampered my anxiety a bit but I’d honestly rather feel stressed than feel so numb#yeah I wouldn’t recommend#so basically I lie awake feeling aware of my own heartbeat or of my body#oh and I can’t forget the physical pain that anxiety caused me#muscle aches literally convinced me there was something wrong with me#went to the doctor numerous times bc I NEEDED to be diagnosed with something or I would go crazy and instead got told to see a therapist#and the therapist basically told me everything I had already figured out myself but at least I can talk to someone#tw anxiety#tw depression#tw body dysmorphia#anxiety#mentions of depression#and I’m only a teenager so should I be worried about what happens in the next few years? bc this already sounds like a lot to me#this was supposed to be a funny little post but nvm I guess?? don’t worry about me I’m good though many good things in my life#teenager
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babyfairy · 1 year ago
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how i feel this week
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countess-of-edessa · 11 months ago
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“are the girls going to help you make pierogis?” well no one else is fucking gonna are they? no one else in this house has functional fucking hands apparently
#every Christmas i think about the time we came home from mass and my father said “finally! now we can relax.” and sat down at his computer#and played video games for the next three hours while my mother and sister and i stood six feet away from him in the kitchen making#200 pierogis.#it’s crazy considering the amount of stuff he gets done for him on a daily basis that I would never even think would be done for me by anyo#like bed made for him/all meals/all dishes/food put on his plate for him because he refuses to do it himself/pretty much all errands#whenever he wants tea he just says that want out loud and it gets brought to him by magic#i mean or anything else! he once said “did you say we were having cappuccinos today?” just to no one in particular and we all knew no one h#had said anything of the sort. and then he was given one!#of course he goes to work from 8-6ish every day but other than one day a week it’s remote and has been for years and i can hear him#he is pretty much never not on the phone gossiping with someone#and i don’t begrudge him having a not physically intensive job or anything but im just trying to think of the things he has to do#he makes my mother mow the lawn. i do it when i am home because i think that’s disgraceful.#if my mother begs hard enough he'll do the least amount of yard work possible if it’s something we can’t physically do by ourselves.#but on a daily basis it’s just go to work/eat the breakfast brought to you/eat the lunch brought to you/come downstairs eat the dinner made#for you/play video games until you go to bed in the bed that was made for you in the morning#and on non work days it’s just eat/video games/bed#and like all this to say#he complains more and has a worse attitude than anyone I have ever known in my life#whenever he encounters a minor inconvenience he's talking about how it never ends and he never gets a chance to rest for once#literally any day that’s not spent in complete and total stagnation is considered a failure#he hates when my mother and sister and i are happy like we can’t even play music and laugh in the kitchen while we cook and clean up after#meals because it distracts him from his video games and his YouTube videos about video games and the war in Ukraine#he gets mad when we laugh too much lol like dude you’re pretty lucky you have daughters who can have fun while doing the dishes#considering you haven’t done them in like 20 years#word to the ladies out there btw: my parents used to clean up after dinner together when they first got married. so watch out lmao
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milo-is-rambling · 8 months ago
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I wish I had friends near meeeeeee to distract me from my brainnnnnnnnnn
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#need to talk to anyone irl who isn’t related to me or dating my mom or my therapist#anyone else near me please I’m losing my mind#nature isn’t healing me sleeping in a fully dark room all day isn’t healing me how do I magically fix this without having to put any work#into it oh I can’t oh u have to do the work okay how do I do that. therapy once a week. oh. okay. yup.#can I speedrun it? oh no? I can’t. oh damn. okay fine whatever. therapy once a week. AND I HAVE TO ACTUALLY LISTEN AND DO WHAT SHE SAYS. bro#what the hell okay fine#well here I am !!!!! where is the fixing where is the feeling better I feel like all I do is stir up all these touch emotions from every#part of my life at once and then she sends me off to rot for week before I come back and talk again#I just feel like I’m losing it!!!!! and ik it’s extra bad bc birthday countdown is on in my brain and im stressed and i feel like a huge#fuck up that can never be fixed and like I will die having done nothing with my life except weigh other people down and so exhausting and my#brain won’t ever shut up like yes I get it years and years and years of built up shit that I never properly dealt with and still hold blame#for constantly and I feel like I will never be fixed like I CANT be fixed like this is a losing battle and I just am struggling today man#idk what I was saying I just took my morning weed hit to try and relax my back a little and now my brain is like scrambled eggs#which is good that means it’s working#I’m gonna try to take a nap maybe cause I only slept four hours and it was like choppy thru the night and then maybe I’ll go to the lake#later I’ve been feeling the need to be in a body of water recently
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dutybcrne · 1 year ago
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Love the fact that Diluc and Kaeya were described to be “like twins” bc I get thinkings of them eerily having like. Smth of twin esp, and it just confusing the HECK outta Crepus endlessly bc only ONE of his boys is his biological son, and yet without a doubt, they were just so attuned to each other, that no matter where they happened to be, o matter how much older they got, they’d IMMEDIATELY beeline for each other if there ever was a shift in mood
#//Nah fr; these two rotate in my brain like in centrifuge#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Anywho this was born out of me thinking about nobody every knowing when Kae got dysphoric bc he’d rather DIE than voice it#//And then I thought; no. Luc would know. he would know but prolly know not what to fucken DO about it#//Maybe sends smth via Noelle or one of his birds; smth small but meaningful to distract him#//Maybe demanding he go and clear out hilichurls near the Winery; bc the knights Clear Need The Head’s Up Or They’d Have Missed That Spot#//Cluld Diluc do it himself; yes. but like this; now Addie can get to see Kae and take care of him; whatever’s going on#//Kae could never resist popping by for a quick hello to his favorite maid; after all#//Prolly why Kae was so restless while Luc was off in Snezhnaya. waking up endlessly; vision or not; bc SMTH happened leagues away#//And the worry suddenly GRIPPED him; and refused to let go until Diluc wherever he was got to safety. only THEN would Kae relax#//Even if only marginally; bc now he’s going to be anxious about what that was for the rest of the day#//Even with the divide the years and Kae’s confession of his heritage put btw them; I’d like to think it still lingers#//They just can’t read each other as well anymore bc they think they’ve wholly changed. And in some aspects; they really have#//Or is it that Luc can’t believe Kae really is still the same kid he knew under the mask; & Kae can’t believe Luc does still care#//Anywho; love the idea of one getting into a depressive slump & the other getting in a cold sweat like ‘I gotta draft a letter-‘#//Bc that’s one of the only ways they can communicate without getting snippy; ig#//I like to think Kae thinks it as Celestia’s big joke on him#//How else could such a bond still linger after what he did to destroy the new of it? Now he’s alwaysgot to be reminded of the broken pieces#//A fitting punishment for a sinner whose greatest fear is to be alone#//The strongest; most trusting jond he’d ever had; now left to tatters in his hands that he can’t begin to fix so easily
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rockysledding · 1 year ago
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Me four years ago making one of my characters autistic: oh man i hope i dont offend anyone, maybe i shouldn’t write an autistic character when i’m not autistic but like i’m not outright stating that she’s autistic she just has some of those traits is that okay?
Me now, post autism diagnosis: oh man i really gave that character all of the autism behaviours i was suppressing huh how did i not realize that
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lolacouldnotcareless · 2 years ago
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really shouldn’t listen to 1am!lola, they don’t know shit and are lacking sleep
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apathyfairy · 2 years ago
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i’m not even kidding everytime i experience any sort of joy whatsoever something bad happens it’s like in friends when phoebe was killing people everytime she went to the dentist but for real
#speaking of dentists. lmao.#first of all i have a broken wisdom tooth that i’ve been putting off removing for 2 years now but i have all of them#tonight i was actually in an ok mood like it’s early i was gonna go to bed early and just relax#but i was like hm maybe i want to trying doing something new with my hair so i was fucking around with that and listening to music#and just being fine! like contentness which is v rare. anyway i was like ok i’m gonna start taking better care of my teeth#so back to wisdom teeth the one on my bottom right didn’t fully come out so it gets like plaque on it so i got a small child toothbrush#to really get in there and brush it yeah tmi i guess but in front of that wisdom tooth i have a temprorary filling#from 1 year ago bc this one dumbass dentist i went to well actually i went there as a kid but she’s terrible but i needed a filling fast so#i went there last year. anyway she put a temp in and said ok come back in 6 months and i didn’t because i wasnt gonna go to her anymore#and i couldn’t go to my good dentist bc he told me to remove my wisdoms and i didn’t lmao. anyway long story short i was brushing that#wisdom bitch really good and a chunk of my temp filling tooth broke off. not the filling of course but my real tooth and i’m like ok.#so god isnt real for real then. like. the reason i put all this fucking shit off is bc i don’t have money and now i fucking have to go fix#it so i’m 100% fucked i’ll never move out from my abusive gr*ndmothers house and i’m just completely fucked i’m so upset.#anyway hope i die in my sleep tonight#*temporary. if i die tonight i don’t want u guys thinking i can’t spell temporary i’m just fucking upset#it’s literally gonna be thousands isnt it like. i don’t even fucking know if they CAN fix it and who has thousands of dollars not fucking me#idk i have literally no idea what i’m supposed to do now
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