#was convinced I would get a heart attack
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valewritessss · 5 months ago
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I feel like I came out of the womb with raging anxiety
#never been fully relaxed a day in my life#literally had a panic attack at age 6-7(?)#I’ve been super self aware for as long as I can remember#the tension in my body is my natural state#I’ve BEEN imagining every worst case scenario since I could form thoughts#7th-8ish grade is where it got worse#had panic attacks like four times a week#and then heart palpitations started and holy shit I was googling symtoms and that would make it worse#was convinced I would get a heart attack#having a headache is part of my daily routine#then I got a crush on a guy and with it came body dysmorphia#couldn’t look people in the eye from how ugly I felt(still struggle with this one but we got this💪🏼💪🏼)#now I mostly just cry#like I deadass get stressed and overwhelmed and just cry#depression came next and I was honestly not surprised#and it tampered my anxiety a bit but I’d honestly rather feel stressed than feel so numb#yeah I wouldn’t recommend#so basically I lie awake feeling aware of my own heartbeat or of my body#oh and I can’t forget the physical pain that anxiety caused me#muscle aches literally convinced me there was something wrong with me#went to the doctor numerous times bc I NEEDED to be diagnosed with something or I would go crazy and instead got told to see a therapist#and the therapist basically told me everything I had already figured out myself but at least I can talk to someone#tw anxiety#tw depression#tw body dysmorphia#anxiety#mentions of depression#and I’m only a teenager so should I be worried about what happens in the next few years? bc this already sounds like a lot to me#this was supposed to be a funny little post but nvm I guess?? don’t worry about me I’m good though many good things in my life#teenager
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sysig · 11 months ago
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But would you tho (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#Schuldig#ZEX#And again the Captain implied from offscreen lol#Two little things ♪ One that Actually happened and one speculation lol#I really like Schuldig :D He's the likeable asshole type and his quirk is very well written :)#I love how he gets on Zelnick's case about his wishy-washy-ness in regards to xenophilia generally and ZEX specifically hehe#Zelnick has no good answer for him! It's so cute hehe <3#But then he turns right around and is wishy-washy himself!! I get the feeling his frustration stems a bit from relating hahaha#Or maybe Zelnick's uncertainty influenced him! It's not such an easy decision to make when you're staring down the barrel is it now :)#Openly attracted to Max's body and flattered by ZEX's personality and outright attraction to him in turn but the alien aspect is too much pf#Sure right okay lol - I have no skin in this game so I'll have to take his word for it haha#Secondarily speculating around ZEX's attraction and standards lol it sounds like an oxymoron but no he is actually a bit picky!#Yes he loves humans generally but he is actually tempered by what mind inhabits what body! It's so interesting to me!#I think it's especially funny how his various desires are in conflict with each other haha#Like it makes sense that he controls himself around Fwiffo - poor thing would have a heart attack - but he genuinely seems less attracted!#Which makes sense to me as well ♪ Spathi and VUX share several traits and were on the same side during the War so he's familiar with them#And he's specifically attracted to differences and novelty - it all lines up!#And then there's also his pride lol he tries to make more friends than enemies of course but he still gets petty and patronizing <3#If he's actually upset with someone /he's/ the one who would need convincing! It's all very interesting :3c#And then there's the matter of his own body vs. Max's body - he's so upset at the metaphysical implications of cloning his consciousness#I've never thought of ZEX in the context of the ''Would you fuck your clone'' questionnaire but I guess I know his answer now haha#Though I still wonder what his reaction would be to Max :0 He's probably not close enough to be ZEX but he is /a/ ZEX - of a sort#All his introspection about the body he's in has my mental ears perked haha - pity and worry for the potential life he's replacing#Discomfort at possibly being Max in some capacity including continuing to be in his body but also of overtaking his life entirely#And of being backed into a corner - Max is pitiful as well as pitiable! Neither of them want to be Max Vyer really#He loves humans but how far does that extend when push comes to shove ♪ It's been interesting watching him fumble through it :)
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magicdustsworld · 6 months ago
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𝐀 𝐁𝐄𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐀
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𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: A guide on how to properly date your tattooed, big, bad boyfriend.
𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐒: Established relationship, slice of life
𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: some profanity, biting(non sexual), fluff, no curse AU, usage of nicknames, no mentions of y/n. (Would be just a short series of drabbles)
𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄 𝟏 : 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐇𝐈𝐌 𝐓𝐎 𝐂𝐔𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔
Divider credits: @cafekitsune
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"I love you."
"What?"
"I love you." You say with a sheepish grin playing on your lips as you get on your knees, crawling over to him. The silk sheets crease under your deliberate yet rhythmic movements – something which he doesn't even seem to notice. For the felicity in your eyes and the ardor clouding your visage is a expression to great to ignore and even though it's Sukuna, he can't ignore you.
You reach his side, resting your arm on the bedframe, looking up at him with a expression akin to a child looking at something it holds dear. "You know I love you so much, right?"
He blinks, clearly baffled with your sudden proclamation of love. Raking his brain over everything he did today – nothing out of the ordinary except being a asshole to that one salesman who wouldn't take his leave until selling his– whatever it was. But for Sukuna that's ordinary cause he's a jerk at heart.
He tilts his head, "What do you want?"
"Your arm." You are quick to reply, voice carrying an ardor which is too loud to miss. "Give me your arm."
His eye twitches, shooting you a – are you serious – look. You reply with a nod, stretching your hand, asking to get served. A disinterested scowl graces his lips, sparing you a glance, he turns to the opposite side.
This time, your eye twitches. He did not just reject your advances. You huff, inching closer to him as you place your hand over his bicep, "Baby... look at me."
He does. You jut out lower lip, eyebrows furrowing and tipping your head up at him. He can't help but consider how much you ressemble a cat with that expression. He pinches his lips, "If you think that's going to convince me otherwise then you're wrong— ow!"
In no time, you have sunk your teeth on his bicep, the canines puncturing the flesh, incisors holding the skin in place as you glare up at him.
Sukuna winces in sheer pain, trying to pull his arm off of your hold but you remain adamant on not letting him go. "Owh— what the actual fuck woman? Let go of me!"
You do let go, retracting your mouth but do not let go of his arm. You pout at him and Sukuna looks down at the attacked area. A circle of crescent moon shapes has forned on the part of the skin – it hurts like a bitch.
He turns to face you fully, crimson eyes blazing with a rage as he looks down on you. "What the hell was that for?"
You pout, narrowing your eyes, "Cuddle with me."
"After that stunt you pulled? Absolutely not."
"Absolutely yes."
He glares at you and you glare back; the silence turning into a staring match.
Sukuna scans your face, the crease on your forehead to the way you've twisted your lips and finally the flicker of vexation in your eyes.
Definitely a cat.
He sighs, threading his fingers through his hair before stretching out his arm. "Come here."
In an instant the irkness vanishes and you jump into his arms, eyes gleaming with delight and mouth stretched into a triumph grin. You giggle, "I knew you'd come along." You say, nuzzling your face in the crook of his neck as Sukuna loops his arm around your waist, shifting you to a closer and better position.
He sighs, "Whatever, brat. Just don't bite me again."
You pursue your lips, gazing at him with a guilt. Leaning up, you press your lips against his cheeks in a chaste kiss, "Mhm, sorry."
Heat rushes up Sukuna's face, spreading from his ears to his neck; he looks away from you.
"Aw, are you blushing?"
"Shut up."
"You are blushing."
He merely responds with placing his hand on the back of your head and pushing your face down on his chest. "Shut up."
You giggle, mumbling something incoherent before snuggling closer to him. "I love you."
This time, Sukuna doesn't suppress the idiotic grin which spreads on his lips. With your face pressed against his chest, he strokes your hair, placing a soft kiss on top of your head.
"I know, brat."
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𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄 𝟐
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ahqkas · 2 months ago
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“MILLION DOLLAR MAN — bruce wayne.
PAIRING! bruce wayne 𝒙 fem!reader SYNOPSIS! bruce met you through a dating app (his sons’ doing, really) and the temptation to invite you over for christmas is getting harder to resist WORD COUNT! 3.6k WARNINGS / TAGS! fluff, bruce is literally down bad for reader in this one, unedited + lmk if found! NOTES! for nat & based on this req. , header bellow belongs to @/v6que © ahqkas — all rights reserved. even when credited, these works are prohibited to be reposted, translated or modified
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BRUCE WAYNE AVOIDED RELATIONSHIPS LIKE A SOLDIER DODGING BULLETS, each attempt adding yet another layer to the armor he wore daily. He didn’t need them, the women, or so he told himself. They entered his life easily — at his own charity galas, where one pretty bird thought she could get a kiss from him by the end of the night. Female admirers who ate up his charming smiles and sharp eyes seemed to flock around him at all times. And those countless girls who were lured in by the Wayne name, the status, the wealth.
And Bruce gave them the attention they craved from him.
The women served their purpose as brief districtions, companions who helped him maintain his public image, but none of them really mattered to him.
They kept the colder side of his bed warm, but never his heart.
It wasn’t that Bruce didn’t want love — some part of him did, but that part was buried under the weight of Batman. Allowing himself to lose the walls around him and find an attachment in a woman wasn't something his alter ego was okay with, not with the way he’d been living. And another part convinced him that his duties as Gotham’s protector, with all his scars and wounds, didn’t make him a possible object for such things. Love and vigilantism didn’t mingle together well.
Maybe that’s why his own sons and personal butler teamed up on him. Batman was a hero to many, but with how much it damaged Bruce’s internal beliefs, it would ruin him soon enough.
It started as something innocent (but it seemed the wolf was clothed in sheep’s wool): Dick, his oldest, had teased him about his non-existent love life during a training session in the Batcave.
The large space was full with flickering lights coming from the monitors and grunts from the fighting men. Sweat filled the air, masculine and strong, but that only indicated to the hard work they were doing. Training wasn’t easy, they liked to train with the maximum intensity ( it was kinda needed, too ) and it showed. From their damp hair and glistening skin to the rippling muscles underneath their clothes.
“You know, Bruce,” his son started when he blocked yet another strike coming from the man in question. A puff of air left his mouth upon the attack. Not fair. “for someone who spends his nights saving people, you sure are terrible at saving yourself from eternal loneliness.”
Bruce delivered another jab, this one directed straight at Dick’s weak point. “Not now, Dick.”
But his son was nothing if not persistent and he always got what he wanted, whether it was with or without serious consequences. “I’m serious. When was the last time you went on a date? And don’t try to tell me you had one on your arm during the last charity event. That doesn’t count.”
Both of them fully knew Bruce’s arm candies were way more interested in his name and money than in his heart and soul. The truth made his jaw muscles tighten at the realization.
“My personal life is irrelevant to my work.”
Dick took the opportunity and circled the older man like a predator catching the prey’s scent of blood. A sweet weakness, that one. He’d be stupid if he didn’t take the chance. “Is it though? I mean, sure, you’re great at taking down supervillains and brooding on top of high rooftops, but even Batman needs a little action sometimes. The different kind of action, of course. Or are you planning to spend the rest of your life married to the job?”
Bruce swiped his right leg toward Dick’s shins, trying to take him down like he was the said supervillain but the acrobat jumped right on time, avoiding Bruce’s attempt with a grin on his face.
He landed on his feet and crossed his arms at his chest, leaning the weight of his body against one leg. The playfulness disappeared from both his voice and expression and instead, seriousness graced him whole. “Seriously, Bruce, even Alfred’s worried. He brought it up the other day while we were decorating the tree. Something about how the manor feels colder than usual this year.”
“The heating system is fine.”
With Jason gone, it was the truth. His second son had this strange relationship with all the members of the family. Off and on. Off and on. No one truly knew where they stood in Jason’s eyes but he made the effort and showed up on Christmas Eve the other year upon receiving Alfred’s invitation.
Bruce doubted he would show up two years in a row.
“That’s not what he meant, and you know it,” Dick pressed, and effectively added more salt into Bruce’s wounds. It stung and it fucking hurt. As much as Batman was ruthless, it didn’t mean the man under the mask was resistant against the pain his life brought. “You’re not getting any younger, B. It wouldn’t kill you to let someone in. And I don’t mean us. Try to meet someone who isn’t friendly with a criminal record.”
The older man could only stare helplessly at the other. Those words his son, partner, spoke were loud, crawling their way into his mind and much to his dismay, his heart as well.
Before he could voice his dismissal, a younger voice called out. It was familiar in a way family tended to be.
“You are wasting your breath, Grayson. Father has neither the time nor the inclination to entertain your nonsense,” his youngest son declared into the space of Batcave, his voice ringing out and echoing every single word. The blood son, Damian Wayne.
The father didn’t even flinch, just let out a deep sigh through his nose. It was as usual between those two, always bickering from Damian’s side and teasing remarks from Dick’s. You could mistake the blood running through their system as one, if not for the physical differences. They were brothers in all but red.
“Damian,” Dick started in that lecturing tone he’d always seemed to use with the younger boy, “when was the last time you saw Bruce here even try to have a social life?”
Damian rolled his eyes, the green disappearing behind his eyelids before they reappeared, rougher than they were. “The so called ‘social life’ you’re referring to consists of women who barely last through dinner. Why would he waste his energy on distractions when Gotham requires his full attention?”
“Because even Batman needs a break. You know, normal human things? Like dating, smiling, not dying alone in this cave surrounded by bats?”
��If Father is content with his choices, who are you to meddle? Unlike you, he does not require constant companionship to validate his existence.”
“Ouch,” Dick put his palm against his heart in a mocking manner, feigning hurt as his lips formed a pout. “You’ve got a real gift for the Christmas spirit, don’t you?”
The younger son narrowed his eyes at his supposed brother. The constant bickering was almost normal in their lives so far, and nothing seemed to be changing any time soon. He had to learn how to live with the excuse of a brother, although he started to form a light liking towards him. He wasn’t so bad. “I only speak the truth,” his green irises flicked to Bruce. “Though it is peculiar he tolerates your interference. Perhaps even Father has realized how pathetic his current romantic life—or lack thereof—appears.”
The object of the conversation let out another sigh, this one loud enough for the boys to hear. Their gazes snapped toward Bruce with accusingly great speed.
“If you two are done debating my personal life, there’s actual work to be done.”
He missed the glance his oldest threw at the youngest. He missed the look filled with amusement and a plan that was already brewing. He missed the nod they gave each other, although Dick’s was more pronounced and determined.
The next few hours were spent creating Bruce’s dating app profile.
The final result was the definition of real sugar daddy vibes. Every detail had been debated (mostly argued over though) and thought through, so to say the boys were satisfied with it was an understatement. The oldest prided in the work, saying how it would get so many women to reply which would eventually lead to the right one. The middle one Dick and Damian (only Dick) dragged into the activity beamed up once the profile was set while the youngest scoffed and scowled during the entire process.
During the next evening, the boys showed the main man his new account.
Bruce was left speechless upon seeing the bright screen flash before his eyes. Not a single word was muttered as he watched his boys showing him the app and explaining how exactly it worked (he’d never used a dating app before all this so bear with him). The main photo on the profile was a candid one of him, the one Cass had taken on a sunny day in the Wayne Manor gardern. He was dressed in a crisp white shirt, the long sleeves rolled up past his elbows as the muscles of his forearms bulged up. The faintest smile tugged at the corner of his lips, the sunlight casting shadows across his sharp features and Bruce had to admit they chose a good photo.
It wasn’t intimidating, but it wasn’t exactly friendly as well. The good old middle.
The boys knew he was convinced to give it a try when he waved them off with a deep sigh slipping past his lips.
The game was on.
It was past the midnight when he lied in his bed, propped against one too many pillows and wondered why he was still scrolling through the damned dating app. It was late—far past the time he should have been out on patrol, but Red Hood and Red Robin got it covered for him.
Bruce wasn’t looking for anything specific, really. If he were honest, this whole situation felt out of place for him. Swiping through the profiles was more like an exercise for his thumb.
First was Madison K. Her profile opened with flashy colors that immediately put Bruce into a doubtful situation. Were all these women going to be like this? Madison was beautiful and her looks screamed professionalism: her makeup was done flawlessly, adorning her bright eyes and full lips. She looked like she belonged on a cover for a fashion magazine, not a dating app. Her bio made his thumb swipe left.
‘Manifesting my best life. CEO of my own happiness. Looking for someone who’s successful, ambitious, and knows how to treat me like a queen.’
The next account’s bio made him grimace and swipe left once again.
‘Looking for someone who can keep me living the dream. If you’re successful, generous, and ready to spoil me, let’s talk.”
At this point, Bruce was ready to delete the dating app his boys set up and enjoy the rest of his night. Most of the profiles he swiped through were simply bland to him. Nothing felt genuine. Right. It was safe to say he was losing the hope Dick had set in him earlier in the evening. Until he stumbled upon your profile.
The account stood out among the others—simple, elegant, but with a certain amount of warmth that seemed genuine. Bruce’s heart skipped a beat once he scrolled further and came across your photo. The picture showed you in a cozy cafe, the one Steph adored so much for their cinnamon roll buns. A soft smile danced on your pretty face, highlighting the curve of your cheeks as you looked off to the side. You captured Bruce in a way the others didn’t.
You looked like a fawn surrounded by hungry wolves. You were admirable while they were craving wealth and status. Two different sides of a coin, but Bruce had already known his pick.
Your bio was sincere, a sight the man liked to see.
‘I enjoy the little moments — finding beauty in the simple things. I believe in kindness, and I’m looking for someone who values honesty and a deep conversation.’
His mind flicked briefly toward the countless hours he spends in the cave, surrounded by work and worries. You seemed like the one who could understand the balance between the quiet and the loud, someone who could exist in both of his worlds without losing that spark you held in your gaze.
Before he could overthink it, Bruce clicked on the “message” button.
Once the screen of your non-existent chat appeared, his mind went blank and all he was capable of was to stare mindlessly at the phone. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, but no words came to him. What did one say to someone like you? He wasn’t used to thinking ahead when it came to women. This was a new field. And he couldn’t screw up.
Finally, his fingers moved before his mind could think of whatever embarrassing thing it was capable of.
> Hey, I noticed your profile and wanted to reach out. There’s something about your words that struck a chord with me. I’d like to know more about you.
And that’s how the two of you started your relationship, or whatever you could call it. Neither of you voiced it as official, but that was okay. He hadn’t expected to feel this way, not so soon. And yet it came at him, crashing like a large wave of emotions every time you were around. You changed everything for him.
Your conversations became the highlight of his days.
His ears perked up every single time without a fail when he heard the soft ‘ping!’ of the notification, already convinced it was from you (and it 98 percent was). Whether it was early in the morning before he started working in the chaotic Wayne Enterprises or late at night when the Batcave was quiet and felt at peace. You were always there with him.
You were thoughtful, generous, and refreshingly kind. You asked him questions that no one else dared to: what he wanted from life, what made him happy, what kept him awake at night. You didn’t flinch at his silence. You didn’t push him to give answers he wasn’t ready to share. You understood him in a way only a few people did.
Piece by piece, he let you into his world — not that part filled with constant danger and threats, but that part that longed for something real.
By the time Christmas approached, Bruce was sure of one thing: he wanted you in his life.
The holiday was just around the corner, filling the air with joy and gratitude as it always did. The snow was blanketing the streets with white powder, and although many people were complaining about the cold, it had its charm.
Christmas had always been about family for Bruce, about gathering around the tree and full table with the people who mattered most. It was lonely at first, after the death of his parents, but over the years, Alfred had made it work. The table was always full of tasty food the kids adored and presents Bruce knew would make them more than happy were neatly waiting for them every morning after Christmas Eve.
This year though, Bruce wanted it to be a little different. He wanted you to be part of it.
You might actually fit into the chaos of the Wayne family — the teasing and playful banters between you, Dick, and Tim would be absolute gold to hear. You probably even could handle Damian’s wit which was something his father would like to see. He could picture you smiling, holding back your own remarks. The idea of you sitting beside him at the long dining table, sharing their traditions, made his chest feel warm in a way he wasn’t used to.
That night, he sent you a message.
> Are you free on Christmas Eve?
Your response came in quickly, as it always did. Bruce’s heart thumped against the bones of his ribs.
> I am. Why?
He hesitated for a bit, overthinking his decision.
> I’d like you to join me for dinner. It’s a family thing but I’d really like for you to be there.
> Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.
> You wouldn’t be intruding.
Bruce could picture the light frown between your brows and a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. You often did it unconsciously, never knowing how pretty you looked this way. But even as he pictured your face, a part of him was growing more nervous about the situation. Would you agree to an event this serious? Spend Christmas with him. And his family. Or were you coming up with excuses right now? He wouldn’t blame you.
> Then I’d love to come.
His heart skipped a beat and that night, Bruce went to bed feeling a little lighter than he usually did.
Snow blanketed the long driveway leading up to Wayne Manor and for once, Bruce wasn’t thinking about the pressure of Batman or the chaos the boys would definitely stir up tonight. His attention was entirely focused on the one making your way towards him. He stood just outside the grand entrance, dressed in a dark, perfectly tailored suit that fit him like a glove. The soft crunch of tires on the white powder alerted him to your arrival, and as your car pulled up, Bruce started to feel the nervousness. He adjusted his tie with a single hand.
When you stepped out, his breath caught.
You were breathtakingly beautiful. Dressed in an inky black that hugged your figure in all the right places, the fabric shimmered under the outdoor lights of the mansion. The smile you gave him when your eyes met melted all the nerves that had been harboring in his system. He was finally calm and composed, for what seemed like the first time in the evening.
“You’re early,” Bruce pointed out softly when you walked up the stairs to meet him in front of the door, and his eyes sparkled with little stars at the sight of you. How did he get so lucky? “You look stunning, by the way.”
“I didn’t want to keep you waiting. And thank you. You clean up well, too, Bruce.”
Your gaze held a playful edge in it as you accepted his hand, locking your palm around his bulging biceps and squeezing warmly. The touch added the missing piece of the puzzle Bruce was trying to solve while his cheeks warmed a rosy pink under your influence without any hesitation. The gesture felt natural, like it always belonged there.
The two of you approached the doors of the manor in a shared silence, although it didn’t feel a bit awkward. You took a moment to take in the place. It was like something out of your childhood dreams — tall, arched windows glowing with the soft light of a dozen garlands lining the entryway. The faint hum of holiday music and the occasional sound of laughter echoed through the manor.
It was Bruce’s home.
“Do you always go this big for Christmas?” you voiced a question that's been sitting on your mind since the moment you saw the large Christmas tree from the entryway to Bruce’s living room. Decorated with lots of ornaments, it looked lovely, accompanied by a heap of presents.
“Alfred insists,” admitting with a soft chuckle, Bruce rubbed the nape of his neck as he led you deeper into his home. “And the boys like the holidays. I want them to have the best.”
The scent of pine and cinnamon enveloped your senses the further you moved. The sounds grew louder, too. You awe made him feel lighter somehow. The dining room at Wayne Manor was nothing short of spectacular this night, with the long mahogany table adorned with a dozen of flickering candles and plates of food that looked like it belonged in a holiday spread for a cookbook.
You were sitting beside Bruce (he kind of insisted anyway), your hand occasionally brushing against his. He helped you settle into the chair which earned a teasing glance from Dick. Speaking of his oldest son, he was sitting across from you with an easy grin that told you some questions would come your way sooner or later. Tim was at Dick’s right, while Damian occupied the chair from the other side of his father.
The evening was more than successful in your opinion. Steph asked you about your favorite literature, while Tim quizzed you on trivia about Gotham (which you surprisingly got all right). Damian, after much persistence from Dick, shared a story about his latest art project, though he kept glancing at you as if trying to gauge your reaction.
Through it all, Bruce remained by your side.
When the night finally came to an end, and everyone drifted to their own space of the manor, Bruce walked you to the entrance with a gentle hand against the small of your back.
“Thank you,” his gaze met yours as he handed you your coat, effortlessly helping you slip your arms into the sleeves. “For coming tonight. For putting up with them.”
You gifted him with the most precious kind of a present; your smile, smaller hands reaching up to adjust the collar of his dark suit. “Of course. They’re wonderful, Bruce. I enjoyed myself tonight.”
For a man who othen found himself at loss for words when it came to talking in emotions, Bruce found himself smiling softly with his heart feeling lighter than it had in years. Because for the first time, Christmas didn’t feel like an obligation. It felt like a new beginning.
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katskitoshi · 1 year ago
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"W-WAIT, YOU'RE NOT A BOY?" with TWISTED WONDERLAND
synopsis: he's gotten to the point where he thinks he knows everything about you, until you (accidentally) spring on him that you're not even a guy.
characters: riddle, trey, cater, ace, deuce, leona, ruggie, jack, azul, jade, floyd, kalim, jamil, vil, rook, epel, idia, ortho, malleus, lilia, silver, & sebek x fem! reader
includes: mutual crush relationships (everyone -ortho), cursing, mentions panties and bras, slightly suggestive in some parts.
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if not for an unbirthday party where you needed an outfit that accommodated your body more, riddle rosehearts would have never noticed unless you outwardly told him. only now did he realize your more feminine features, and he turns as red as his hair. after realizing, he does treat you slightly more respectful because he was raised to treat women respectfully. besides being more respectful, flustered, and in love with you, not much changed in you two's friendship.
trey clover would have found out sooner or later even if his hand never touched your bra on accident while tying your apron. he straight up asks if you're a girl, and when you tell him you are he acts surprised and flustered. honestly, not much changes. he acts the exact same but gets slightly more protective of you.
when cater diamond found out over magicam that you were a a girl, he nearly died. he just though you were one of the guys that were more naturally feminine, only to find out you're actually a female. honestly, he's not mad. he still loves you! he'll help you keep it a secret if you wish, but if you don't want to, there probably won't be a student in the school who doesn't know you're a girl. but don't worry, he'll keep all those icky pervs away!
okay, okay. because he's a little shit, he wanted to prank you and it just happened to involve you dressing yourself. so ace trappola waited until he knew you were changing to barge into your room, only to be face to face with you in just a bra and panties. he screams, like a girl, more girly than you, and rushed out the dorm with his face red. the next day is awkward, but at least he knows his crush is a girl, and that you have a really cute body under the clothes that convinces others you're a boy.
it's just so strange, the feelings deuce spade has. he even calls his mom and tells her all about his little crush. but by the way he was describing you, ms. spade didn't think you were a guy. so deuce builds up the courage to ask you if you're actually a guy. to his surprise when you tell him you're not, he dies of embarrassment. queue delinquent deuce whenever someone makes some pervy comment (or generally speaks) to you.
honestly, leona kingscholar probably knew already. he could probably sense or smell the female hormones on your or something. i don't know, all i know is that leona knows. he doesn't really have to ask or anything. he just knows. and you think he knows because he treats you better than any other male in the school. his attitude towards you doesn't ever really change but he's definitely flirty with you.
ruggie bucchi is in the same boat is leona. they both can just tell you're not a guy. however, he fears you. male hyenas usually listen to their female counterpart, so ruggie usually just listens. however, when he realizes he has control and that you aren't a threat, he's definitely becomes more friendly around you. no matter how much he fears you, his crush never ever leaves.
i won't lie, but every person in savanaclaw probably knows you're a girl. jack howl included. he won't make it painfully obvious that he knows but he definitely lets you know subtly know he knows. he shows you great amounts of respect and sometimes can't help but feel absolutely vile for thinking of you in some... not so respectful ways.
look, you're gonna give the poor octopus a heart attack once he finds out! you're filling out a contract and you inform azul ashengrotto that you're a girl and ask for certain things to be changed. he simply dies on the spot from shock and is a blushy little octopus. he thinks of using you to convince more people to the monstro lounge, but he can't do that to his crush!
just as expected, jade leech finds out rather quickly. one walk in the forrest on a hot day and a crop top with some sweat soaking through was enough to spill the beans. of course he had his suspicions, but you confirmed them for him! he finds you somehow cuter with your secret revealed. don't worry, your secret is safe with him!
floyd leech always thought you were just so cute! so, he just has to squeeze you to show you his love, right? when he squeezed you, he felt something push against him. he realized what he felt was what all the female merfolk had. "oh, shrimpy! you have boobs!" and he enjoys squeezing your boobs more than you. it doesn't matter if they're big or small, he just can't stop squeezing them!
this shouldn't come as a surprise, but it takes kalim al-asim a long time to find out. i mean, he can quite literally see you naked and be like "wow! you're very female-bodied for a guy!" of course, he didn't find out that way, but he could have. he actually found out by spilling water on you and seeing your bra. anyways, he's surprisingly calm about it. he still treats you like a friend that he has an obvious crush on, so yeah!
jamil viper is surprisingly shocked at what he found out. a little cooking mishap caused you to take off your oversized hoodie and make jamil realize your more... feminine features on your upper body. of course, he's a lot more over protective of you, and oh! he just can't stop staring! he tries his best, but his crush is just a bit more apparent!
he had always had his suspicions. vil schoenheit always thought your more feminine appearance had been more than some accidental blessing. apparently, he was proven right when on a shopping spree he got a little look of your breasts while trying on some clothes. he'll bring you all sorts of clothes that he thinks will suit you, enjoying getting to see you try on the clothes. you can tell he knows your little secret by the more.. risky.. clothes, if you can even call them that, he requests you in.
rook hunt knew from the first second he saw you. you come into night raven and expect not to be observed by the hunter? how cute. he gets actual confirmation when he was watching you change one night. of course he looked away while you were naked (maybe not), but he saw your bra and completely knew. the next day, he obviously hugged you more to try and egg you on that he knows (and feel you), but don't worry, it doesn't take to long to find out.
okay, so epel felmier though you two were on the same boat. two really pretty men cursed by genetics somehow. but, after he takes you on a magic wheel ride and feels you against him, he realizes he is alone. he's obviously flustered but he feels more manly somehow? he protects you and comes off as manly as possible. surely other guys will see how manly he is if his crush, and the only girl on campus, sees it, right?
when idia shroud found out, he was more than surprised and honestly didn't even think he could face you ever again! with a bit of convincing from his dear little brother, he could face you again. although with pink tinted hair and a red face, he'll still see you! how did he find out exactly? well, he accidentally touched you boob when aiming to punch your shoulder after a won game.
(platonic) a simple body scan gave ortho shroud the answers he needed. ortho is the biggest idia x [name] shipper on the planet! he'll call you 'big sister', and probably lock you in a room with idia if it'll help speed up the love-i-fication process. eventually he'll break the news to his brother, but he loves playing the waiting game with him. is idia getting any closer to finding out? no- wait, yes, wait-!
malleus draconia is an intelligent man. however, to crack this mystery, he'll need every clue and sign laid before him. once he pieces the picture together, he still might need to to clarify that you are in fact a woman. and don't forget, malleus is a gentleman. he'll treat you with love and respect as he courts you, beds you, and makes you his queen.
at some age, you just realize what everyone is, y'know? lilia vanrouge just knows that you're a girl. it probably started out at a gut feeling that ended up true. and maybe he'll let you know that he knows by giving you a cutely wrapped box of matching black and pink panty and bra set! maybe with a rose and a note that says 'be my girl?'
sleepyhead silver realizes completely by accident when he just wanted to lay on your shoulder. next thing you know, you've pulled his head to your thighs and when he tries to look up, he's meet with a new type of pillow. he's conflicted between staying awake or going to sleep upon this newfound discovery. either way, don't think that his sleepiness will prevent him from wanting to be as knightly as possible for you.
sebek zigvolt accidentally unhooks your bra when trying to fix your posture. it's an awkward moment and sebek is surprisingly quiet when he asks you your gender. his loudness returns as he begins yelling about how informal he's been to you. as a servant of his dear master malleus, he promises to treat you with the utmost respect!
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couldeatthatgirlforlunch · 5 months ago
Note
Yandere batfam or justice league with a reader who’s afraid of strong people/men due to a past abusive relationship? She never wants to feel that powerless and weak again so she actively avoids interacting with anyone stronger, bigger, taller any more than necessary. She doesn’t hold it against other ppl she just has a lot of trauma that she’d rather not work through and feel safe in her little bubble
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Hit me Hard and Soft
Synopsis: You get saved by Robin, but not everything is as it seems.
Pairing: Yandere!Poly!Romantic!Batboys X Gn!Reader
Tw: All characters aged up, of course; Mentions and descriptions of violence, including physical, psychological, sexual and financial abuse, and Damian fighting criminals (I'm particularly proud of the action scene I wrote); Drugging and being unconscious; Mentions of death of minor characters and suicide; Mentions of past grooming (Reader's ex) and age gap (Reader’s ex, Reader X Bruce, and the batboys age is not mentioned); Implied stalking; Mentions of kidnapping; Reader's very traumatized and weary of everyone; Reader doesn't trust the police; Mention of a panic attack and descriptions of actual panic; Guns and knifes; Mention of cigarettes; Implied needles; English isn't my 1st language.
Requested? Yes.
Extra notes: Wish I had more interactions between Reader and the batboys here, but I'm more than willing to make a part 2 with the right idea.
General masterlist | Hit me Hard and Soft - Series masterlist
He's back again. You wish you could say you didn't know why he always came back, but you did. The food wasn't that great and it wasn't that close to where he told you he worked or lived. It also didn't help that he always made sure to be served by you. And that he flirted with you.
— Evening, (N/N)! Is there something as sweet as you on today’s menu? — You gave a small and polite laugh.
— Strawberry pie… As always…
It was kinda sad, but mostly scary. If it wasn't for your ex, you would be thrilled to have gotten the attention of Dick fucking Grayson. The whole city knew he was handsome, rich, talented and charismatic. Gotham's sweetheart, Gotham's golden boy. And from your daily interactions, he lived up to the expectations. He was polite even when flirting with you and asking you out. Yet, something held you back.
— Nice! Since you get out in a few, why don't you bring in two slices? One for me and one for you, it's on me, of course. — You shook your head quickly, with an empty heart, just wanting to get away from him as fast as possible.
You were with your ex since you were 17 to 26. Almost 10 years wasted on a dirtbag. He convinced you to leave your friends, to leave your family, to leave your job. As soon as you started living together, you were completely dependent on him. Sometimes you blamed him, sometimes yourself, sometimes the people you had around you, but back then, where you came from, people weren't questioning the imbalance of powers between a 17 year old highschooler with no job and a 23 year old man with a steady job and living alone.
He convinced you that going to college and ending your relationship was the worst decision you could take. Then, that you didn't need your family, he could take care of you. One day, he decided you couldn't have friends.
He often locked you inside the house, cursed your skills and appearance, neglected your overall health, intimidated you, screamed at you, broke your things that he did and didn't pay for. He hurt you physically, even sexually. You knew both dating him and leaving him was hard, you just expected living with the scars was going to be easier.
And it was! You decided to run away from him and to Gotham when you received the news that your mom died and he didn't even want to let you go to the funeral. The grieving made you reflexive and you realized how shitty your situation was. For years you just thought that it would eventually get better, that you just needed to be strong, that he showed he loved you when he wasn't being an asshole, that you couldn't get anything better, that he made you feel special.
You couldn't even go to the police, he was a cop, you knew the chances that in any scenario you would lose. So you ran.
You knew it was dangerous, but you had nothing to lose. If he didn't kill you, you would do it yourself. You made a plan, drugged him, took some of his money, used his house keys, left everything behind for the second time in your life. You didn't waste time asking for help from the people you knew. You took the bus and went as far away as you could.
Your paranoia was so bad that for almost a year, you would settle in a city, work to save up enough, and leave again, rinse and repeat. Eventually, Gotham seemed big and far enough to go by unnoticed.
Or that's what you thought, until Dick Grayson stopped by the diner you worked to have breakfast before going to work, as a cop, and decided you caught his attention.
Since then, he came back everyday. Either breakfast, lunch, dinner, or just to hang out with some family member, usually one of his brothers, his dad appeared with him sometimes too. Your boss loved the attention Bruce and Tim attracted, the two most media active ones, since they both led Wayne Enterprises.
Eventually, even them started appearing multiple times a week. You thought you were healing, until you found yourself crying for almost four hours at home in a panic attack.
You didn't want their attention. Not only was it weird, but they were just so… Superior to you.
They were all taller, more muscular, faster, smarter, richer. It was like reliving the beginning of your relationship at 17, plus 10 times worse. Five because they were five people mirroring your ex, and more five just because of your trauma, experience, negativity and lack of naiveness.
Also, why were they ALL into you??? And they were aware of it! It was weird! Why??
Bruce Wayne was disarmingly charming in his dilf way. Dick was surprisingly accessible. Jason was soft spoken despite his resting bitch face and leather jacket. Tim was cute in a nerdy way. Damian almost made you laugh with his sarcastic humor.
Either way, you never wanted to feel as little as you felt before, so you just did your job, acted polite, but ultimately kept your distance.
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Freedom has its difficulties, one of them being that you need money, and for money, you need a job, which means sometimes you have to stay until closing time, at 11 PM, in Gotham.
You're not the only employee to stay so late, but you and your co-worker live in opposite directions, so walking alone it is. They're taking the bus, but you only live two blocks away, so you gulp down your anxiety and keep walking. One hand on your pocket, holding your taser firmly, and keeping your head up, turning to look at every sound.
It's cold, and the street is empty and dimly lit. Some places are so dark that you wonder why you're even paying taxes if the streetlamps won't work.
Two men turn the corner a few meters in front of you, one at least a foot taller, the other, two inches max. They're wearing hoodies and their hands are on their pockets, the light behind them creates a shadow that doesn't allow you to see their faces, nor where they're looking at, but they are coming in your direction.
There's a car, parked between you both. Some people might think at this point it's just paranoia, but you’ve heard stories of people walking next to cars, getting pulled inside by someone who was hiding in there, and getting kidnapped.
Your first instinct is flight, so you turn around, ready to run, even if you look weird in case those guys weren't planning to do anything with you, just to see other two guys emerging from the other corner, those two almost as tall as that first guy. Aside from the smaller one, they're all broad, even with their thick clothes covering them.
One of them has a cigarette on his mouth, which he throws on the ground when you turn your attention to him. Your fear might have caused you to hallucinate, but you're almost sure he's smirking.
You freeze for a second, your only escape is to run to the side, and pray their long legs don't get to you first. You think you hear one of them start hollering at you.
You only take a step to the side, when a loud crash startles you so hard that you have to look behind, while walking backwards to the street. You take a second to process the sight.
Robin is standing in the middle, just a few steps behind where you were standing a second ago. He's at least half a foot taller than all of them, and a lot broader. He's holding the tall one by his neck with his right hand, repeatedly hitting his head against the car’s window.
You're shell shocked, torn between staying put to watch this disaster, as interesting as a car crash, or running away. Gotham is so big that you never thought you would encounter one of its heroes, you weren't sure if you even wanted to.
When the guy seems to stop moving, Robin throws him against one of the other tall ones, the guy practically flies across 2 meters before hitting him, and when he does, they both fall to the ground. You remember all the times when your ex pushed you to the ground.
Your eyes are wide, horrified, watching the shortest guy take a pocket knife out of his pocket. Your throat locks, even if you want to scream for Robin to turn around, you only manage to stare and stay in place, however, the vigilant turns halfway around just in time to grab the guy by his wrist and his arm, just as he launched to stab him. He uses his body’s impulse to push the guy forward, the knife going to the fourth guy's shoulder, you hadn't even seen him get so close to him.
You look at the man from the car, he's still unconscious, the one who got tackled with him, however, is already standing and walking to the fight.
Everything’s happening too fast, you turn to the side to see the guy with the knife on his back on the ground, groaning and twitching in pain, while Robin is punching the shit out of the other guy, movements faster than you could ever dream of achieving. You remember being on the receiving end of someone's fists before.
With a final elbow to the cheek, the guy stumbles to the ground, you don't know what level of consciousness he’s in, by his posture before, you knew he was already compromised since the first hits he took.
Robin doesn't move, doesn't even turn to look at the guy who just fell, he's just looking forward, and when you notice this, you look at the remaining guy.
He's pointing a gun at him.
You don't think you can watch someone get shot in front of you, and you know if he gets rid of Robin, it's over for you. Logically, you knew these vigilantes somehow never die, still, it's counterintuitive to think he won't.
And he doesn't, in the blink of an eye, Robin's on the air, his right boot kicking the gun away, while still on the air, he wraps his legs around the guy's head, bends backwards, puts his hands on the ground, then launches his whole body to the front, the guy getting thrown over him. He falls to the ground, Robin stands on top of him with perfect balance. You don't even have time to process what just happened, the coolest and scariest thing you saw your whole life, when Robin punches him one last time. Now, he's definitely unconscious.
You’ve felt like a bystander this whole interaction, it felt like ages, but in reality all of this couldn't have taken more than 20 seconds, maybe even less than 15. You don't know what to do now. You're theoretically safe, but Robin’s still too big, too strong, too fast. He knocked out four guys without getting touched a single time. He broke a car's window. He threw around two guys who weighed at least 80kg. He's not even panting. And now he's looking at you.
A whimper gets stuck in your throat. You don't know if you should thank him, stay silent, or yell at him to stay away from you. When he takes a step in your direction, your instincts get the better of you and you turn around, running.
You hear him call your name, although your brain doesn't process it. You see headlights and look towards it. It's a car. You don't trust you’ll get help, but at least you're not alone. You run in it's direction, waving your arms and screaming bloody murder.
The car almost hits you, but you don’t process that until the last minute, but you get tackled to the ground just in time by the hero from before. You scream again, he's too close. Now, he's trying to hold you down. You keep screaming and trying to escape. You look to the side and the car just kept driving away, likely the driver wouldn't stay behind to be another victim to Robin's hands. You know you're not being rational right now, those guys are known for helping people, he just saved you, he's still trying to stop you from getting hurt, but you're scared. You've been scared since you were a teenager.
Your eyes burn, your arms and throat hurt, but adrenaline doesn't let you feel anything. Not even the invasion of a needle on your side.
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— Was it really necessary? — Tim deadpans Damian, who growls.
— You would have done the same, Drake.
— No, I wouldn't. You were supposed to use the psychological first aid approach and (Y/N) would've calmed down and trust us more in the future. But of course, you never use your brain. — Damian growls, stepping towards Tim, but he is stopped by Dick’s hand resting on his chest.
— Damian, calm down, Tim’s right. You knew better than to sedate them. You knew of (Y/N)’s trauma and you knew the route we wanted to take. — Damian's brows furrowed and he crossed his arms.
— I knew your feelings toward (Y/N) would make you become impulsive again. — Tim looked at Bruce, who was silent, with hands intertwined and elbows on the table, focused on your vitals on the screen and the sight of you laid on the bed on the medbay. — Will you now consider just letting you, me and Dick keep an eye on them during patrol? — Damian and Jason scoffed.
— Why you aiming at me now? It was the demon who gave that guy brain death! — Jason protested and Tim looked at him.
— Just to be sure you won't freak out like him and kill thrice as many people, on purpose this time. — Jason glared at him.
— B, you better add more security measures around (Y/N), before Timbo tries to clone them or something. — He muttered with snark.
Dick shook his head and sighed, going to stand on Bruce's side, crossing his arms and looking at you through the camera with him.
— What's the plan now, B? They're probably waking up soon. — Bruce hummed, relaxing his stance and resting his back against his chair. The silence lingered for a few seconds, everyone just looking at you, waiting for the oldest’s opinion.
Bruce turned around, looking at them.
— … Damian, Tim's right. You were impulsive today and you killed someone, even if it was an accident. I stopped expecting that from you since you were 12, you're an adult now. You not only broke our trust, but (Y/N)’s already shattered trust. They need to know they're safe with us, and drugging them, instead of puting to use more time and effort to bring the comfort to them, is not going to do that. You weren't much different than the man who hurt them tonight. — His father's words were like a punch to Damian's stomach, leaving him speechless. Dick pursed his lips, not turning around as to make it easier to not comfort his brother just yet. Bruce turned to Tim. — Tim, I understand you want to take measures seriously. But you need to give Jason a chance. That was unasked for. — The mentioned blinked, still unacostummed with the treatment he received from his dad when he followed his rules. Tim looked away. Bruce turned to Damian again. — Damian, no patrolling around (Y/N) until you prove we can trust your temper again. — He waited for a confirmation, which came with a sneered lip.
— Yes, father.
Dick looked back a Bruce.
— What about (Y/N)? — He bit his lips. Bruce hummed, turning to look at the monitor again.
— … What do you all think?
— Well… Damian said their name, they might not remember it, but they can't just wake up at home. They’d try to flee from us. We could bring them home earlier, but our ideal plan was to make them come willingly, in the period of at least two years, in the best case. We could leave them at the hospital, and just keep our plan going. — Dick listed the possible strategies they could take. Bruce hummed.
Tim piped up.
— I already altered their phone's algorithm to send the job application as my assistant at Wayne Enterprises to them. And the Wayne Foundation’s application for the internship at Gotham Uni. — Bruce nodded.
— Damian? What do you understand about that? — It was clearly the beginning of his test.
— The more secure in their independence they feel, the easier it is to heal and open themselves up to new opportunities. — Damian exclaimed with confidence. Bruce nodded.
— Jason, are you still interested in college? — Everyone looked at Jason surprised, he was also surprised, he hadn't talked to Bruce about college since before he died.
It took a few seconds to processes what it would mean.
— Uh… I think so?! — Bruce nodded.
— What about me, father? — Damian spoke inquisitively. — I also want more opportunities to get closer to (Y/N)! — Bruce narrowed his eyes at him.
— We will think about that when you're in the clear.
— But-
— That's final. You reap what you sow. — Damian huffed and nodded begrudgingly. — … Now, since Robin was the one to save them, take the batmobile and leave them in the hospital. Then come straight back home. Understood? — Damian clenched his jaw and nodded silently, leaving to get your unconscious body.
Moments later, when you were both out, on the way to the hospital, Tim fiddled with the computer, the scream showed the batmobile’s tracker, your tracker, Damian's tracker, Damian's contact lenses’s camera and the car’s camera. They all looked at him.
— … It's just to make sure…
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@wandalfnation @vadersassistant @h0rr0r-10ver-69 @hxsun4 @silverklaus @toast-on-dandelioms @bluewillbon @ladyel1x1r3l0p3r
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starlitscars · 5 months ago
Text
Made of ice
Jackson era! Joel Miller x F! Reader
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Summary: One stormy night in the safety of Wyoming, it occurs to Joel that even though life has turned his heart into a slab of ice, there's a soft, melting spot buried deep inside... Only reserved for you.
Word count: 5.2k
Masterlist
Tags/warnings: MDNI, NSFW, implied age gap, canon-typical violence, Joel Miller needs his own warning, protective! Joel, soft! Joel, angst, fluff, smut, finger sucking, fingering, pet names, praise kink, language, no use of y/n, soft dom! Joel, negative thoughts, dea*h wish, self-doubt, self-confidence issues, Joel is a sweetheart here (but he doesn't think he's worthy of peace), rain, lots of rain, lightning, stormy weather, kinda established relationship, let me know if a tag has gone unnoticed.
Author's note: This is my very first attempt at writing for Joel Miller. I've had the idea in my mind for a few weeks now and it's hard to resist when it comes to him (did I say Pedro Pascal?) So I hope the details are accurate and if you decide to read this one shot, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did while writing it. If you want to be mutuals, I'll be more than glad <3
Divider by: saradika-graphics
Made of ice
You should've seen what you made of him.
The calm, slow beats in his chest are strikingly different from how he remembers them. In fact, he vaguely recalls the way those racing, dreadful patterns had carved themselves into his memory. With a rigid heart made of ice, it was nearly impossible to find the pulse in him, even at his most frightened, disappointed state. 
Joel used to walk into the face of danger with a rifle clutched in his dying grip, a life to save and thousands to destroy, and in all those moments any sign of life was nonexistent in him. There used to be rage, hatred, regret, and frustration... Oh lots of frustration, running through the veins in his body. He used to walk, talk, and breathe. But he wasn't alive.
Now he doesn't find it in himself to call it miracle. But somewhere between the lines, you happened. You happened and fuelled the dying fire in the far corner of his heart. He used to keep it empty and dark, like a deserted house with no furniture, a perfect place for the noises in his head to become loud and maybe help him stand the never-ending days of what everyone called life. 
You entered his life and now most of what he feels in these old veins is warmth, safety and attachment. Yes, he doesn't call it miracle, because his past doings are too  stained and unforgivable to deserve a miracle. To deserve you. The real miracle. The fathomable idea of what it feels to be alive.
Joel feels alive.
Some days, it feels like his wretched past is clawing its way back into his mind, calling those demons to end his days of peace with you. Some nights, he's restless... So terribly restless. What if you get injured on your next patrol? What if the Raiders attack you when you're out of the gates of Jackson? What if something bad happens to you the moment his eyes close? What if these damn what ifs come to life? This old mind tricks him into seeing pictures of what has never happened and probably never will. You always assure him that you'll be careful. He trusts you and your abilities, but he does not trust his fears. Because if life is too good, it scares him. 
It scares Joel Miller, way more than it would if he was trapped in a dark room with all of his fears and demons creeping on the cold hard floor towards him. He'd rather spend every day fighting off the Clickers and Raiders and every nasty threat out there, instead of pacing around the room and waiting to see if your patrols end well or not.
So he has no choice but to either convince Tommy to pick him as your patrol partner every damn time you have to do it – which he makes sure is as limited as possible – or occasionally keep an eye on you from a distance and let his thoughts consume him at the same time. Just like what he's doing now. 
His persistence in being close to you tends to earn him annoyed eye rolls and "She's more capable than that, Joel." comments from his brother... almost all the time. But he simply can't help it, and he thinks that you know it. Because you never complain nor haul him over the coals for his instincts and worries and the immense amount of care his rigid heart feels for you. He's silently thankful for that understanding.
You are safe here, he thinks. Even though he feels restless, his heartbeat has never been this calm. He sits and watches you on nights like this and there's only one thought ringing in his head. All the scolding is worth it. You're sprawled out peacefully on the bed. His bed. It must be straight out of a fucking impossible dream. You're here, in his atmosphere, in his menacing, guilty, dark presence... And you have chosen it knowingly. It's all he can ever ask for. 
The dim moonlight is swimming in through the curtains, casting a soft, silvery shadow over your face. Your hair is falling all around you like you're knowingly doing it... Posing for an artist just to paint this delicate beauty on a canva. 
Despite his bitter mood, a content smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. Tearing his gaze from you, he downs the remaining whiskey and silently places the empty glass on the table, deciding that he needs a short walk to free his troubled mind. One morning, Maria woke up and decided that Joel needs to stay behind and help Tommy in fixing the issues in the town's only library. So you should have another partner for your patrol days for god knows how long. He fucking hates being told what to do. He fought tooth and nail to prevent that, and if you weren't there to stop him, he would as well turn the mess hall into another ruin that needed to be fixed – which only meant more time away from you. 
So it's going to take only two weeks, at worst. Only a terrible fortnight before things go back to normal. It's almost unbelievable how you have managed to awaken a sense of normalcy in him that he hasn't known in decades. Your absence is an instant threat to this normal life.
Maybe it's about time he gets used to it. He's not that weak. He shouldn't let his angers and worries run him. More importantly, he shouldn't ruin your much needed sleep with his usual problems right now. You've still got the weekend. He'll take a walk and be back here before you as much as stir in your deep slumber.
Oh. The damn library.
...
Jackson is eerily quiet in the middle of the night, enveloped by darkness and as isolated as it can be in this corner of the world. It's a stark contrast to how busy the whole community is during the daylight – bustling with happy greetings, careless jokes, movie days, small parties, and lots of work to do. It all asks for social interaction and he deeply hates it.
He hates when every passer-by's attention turns to you every time you step out in the open. He hates how prying eyes rove up and down your frame every time you walk into the bar. He hates how... He shakes his head, almost rolling his eyes at the loudness of these thoughts. Joel has to remind himself that he is the one you hold onto and introduce to everyone in every social gathering. The proud gleam in your eyes always placates him. There's no need to break a jaw in this town... Perhaps.
Lights flicker by the porches and the sound of his boots on the ground is the only sound that disturbs the silence. The sky is clouding over, distantly promising another stormy night in its gloomy wake. Occasional flashes of lightning light up the road and before Joel knows it, he's passing by the Tipsy Bison. It's 3 past midnight, no wonder why its doors are locked and closed. Either way he comes to a halt, letting the gears turn in his head as he opts for a very familiar path.
Your house. It's a short walk away from the bar.
Joel still recalls that day. How long has it been? Five, six, seven months? It feels like yesterday to him.
He'd had a terrible conversation with Tommy, not at all the way he'd planned it on his first day in Jackson. Things got heated up pretty quickly, leaving a bitter taste of rejection lingering on his tongue, the burn of the whiskey only worsening his mood.
"Just because life stopped for you, doesn't mean it has to stop for me..."
The words were ringing in his head as he stormed out of the bar. Shrugging his jacket on, all he wanted was to walk as far away from that area as possible. This affronted, begrudging, irrational sting was boiling in him and in that moment he was more than ready to leave the gates of Jackson even if it called for more danger. Life had really ended for him years ago, but to hear it from Tommy right after the hell he'd went through to find him... It really hurt. 
The pain was resurfacing in rapid tides.
If his boots could dig deeper, get stuck in the snow and propel him into the cold biting blanket of the earth, he'd welcome it. If life had really ended for him, he had to make it make sense by ending himself as well. This... There was this distant melody echoing in the air and cutting through his troubled thoughts. The wind was harsh against his ears, and each step brought the melody closer. 
It really could be the last song that played before his funeral.  
Joel was surrounded by all the colors, and all he could see was white, eyes fixed on the ground. He didn't pay much attention as he bumped into someone. He barely lifted his head to apologize, and then his gaze settled on the crackling fire on the left side of the road. 
Red and orange and yellow hues. It was a fresh contrast. His eyes were hurting from all the white snow.
He came to a halt, mindlessly waving at the person he'd bumped into. A dozen of kids had gathered around the burning logs in a barrel on the porch, rubbing their hands together and listening to the same melody he was entranced by. The same melody that he thought would be his burial hymn.
Joel's eyes followed their excited faces, wondering who they were looking at. He saw you mirroring their hopeful gleams first, and then he registered the guitar on your lap. 
To make the matters worse, you had tilted your head, shooting him a funnily quizzical look. He might've looked weird back then. The town's newcomer, with a permanent scowl on his face, maybe plotting murder as well (considering that it was the main topic in all the words that already flew around about him).
He didn't answer, still dead in his tracks as if he was immobilized by some invisible force. So you shifted in your seat, silently offering him a spot among the children as if to say "You can come over and join us."
He had two choices in that moment, either a polite decline was on the table or a dismissive frown. He looked over his shoulder at the bar and finally opted for the third choice – or so his mind created another choice for him – and he nodded, joining in on your little gathering without as much as saying a word. He really wanted to hear that song.
He never asked whether you knew the words to that song, but that night when he lay in bed and his thoughts were far from the idea that he wanted to bury himself in the snow, he vaguely remembered the lyrics. And it hit him hard, like a punch to the gut.
Yeah, I don't want to hurt
There's so much in this world 
To make me bleed
Stay with me
Let's just breathe
Stay with me
You're all I see
He wanted to ignore how the words affected him in the middle of the night. It was the first night he could feel some semblance of peace, not sleeping with an eye open in case someone attacked them. Ellie was safe in another room. So he really considered that. He considered the possibility of staying. He was relatively new to the community... And so damn unaccustomed to the whole arrangement. He almost woke up the next morning and started packing before he remembered where he was.
Stay with me
Let's just breathe
Those words stuck with him.
And his first encounter with you was a harbinger of different things to come.
One day of patrolling with you led to another, one night of inviting you for a drink led to another. One peaceful afternoon in the stable led to another. One gloomy evening in the clinic did not lead to another. He was way too protective of you to let that happen again.
He truly feels lucky. You could be anywhere else, better off if you picked anyone other than this grumpy, old man. And yet you still want him. You silly girl. You've melted his heart with your warmth. 
But he's like a lake, deserted in the middle of a haunted forest and engulfed in coldness. Even though the center is warm and gooey, he keeps the surface frozen and rigid and menacing. Hard enough to keep his instincts sane and alarmed. Cold enough to let everyone know that you're his and he will not fucking share. 
Lightning strikes again in the sky.
He lifts himself up and off your front stairs with a heavy grunt. An hour has passed since he left for a walk. The clouds have fully gathered in the sky and he thinks that he should be by your side now.
Joel really cares little for the details, always asking Tommy and Ellie to spare him the explanation and get straight to the point. But with you, it's hard to forget a couple of things. One night, a few weeks ago, you were pulling him past the threshold of your house. So adorably drunk and inviting. He was still a little pissed by how the rainstorm had ruined your nightly walk. Despite your complaints about sharing a kiss in the rain, he'd dragged you back to the nearest shelter possible, because he just didn't want to get fucking soaked. Joel didn't find it romantic at all. He was frowning, still pinning you against the wall for a begrudgingly needy kiss. You giggled into his mouth, playful fingers pocking at his chest. "Come on Joel. Let yourself enjoy it... All these neverending drops on the roof, the fresh earthy scent that comes after it... It's just really beautiful. One of the few things that kept me sane before I came here..." 
He's not really against the idea. But the changing weather doesn't bode well with him. One day is sunny, and the next is rainy and it just goes to show how he has no power over the situation.
Hell. A part of Joel is really terrified of the changing weather. One day it was scorching hot, and the next his boots crunched against the white blankets of neverending snow, reprimanding him for his carelessness. Time would pass whether he wanted to or not. He is still terrified, wishing he could stretch the time he could spend with you. God knows he wants an eternity with you. 
He has seen enough rain for a lifetime. He hasn't seen you enough. How could he enjoy getting soaked in tiny drops of water when all he wanted was to bury his face in the crook of your neck and stay there for a while – maybe forever and a little more?
But he has considered it since then. If there are a few things that keep you happy and rainy days have to be one of them, he'll give you that. He'll get used to that. There's no pattern with the rainfall in here, and the weather forecast is pretty much nonexistent. He has promised himself to tell you whenever it rains, even though he despises the idea of you catching a cold after minutes or hours of dancing in the cold, letting droplets of water wash over you without a care in this wretched world. 
He also despises the idea of waking you up.
But he knows you'll like it. You careless, adorable girl. He lives to see that excited gleam in your eyes. Everytime you show it, this old heart pounds impatiently in his chest and it all feels like the first time it has happened.
He's back home in no time. 
So, kicking his boots off as silently as possible, he trudges over and settles down by the edge of the bed, suppressing a low groan. His knees still ache from all the never-ending effort he's put in repairing the library over the past few days. Jesus, he just wants it to be done as soon as possible. It feels like he's losing so much time when he's away from you. Now that you're still pretty much asleep in the same position he last saw you, all Joel wants is to lie down by your side and melt in your warm embrace instead of having to fight with his thoughts and the world to not take away yet another precious piece of him. He can't afford to even think about losing you.
Each flash of lightning illuminates the contours of your beautiful face and he can't help himself when he lifts a hand and lets his knuckles gently stroke your cheek. Your lips are parted ever so slightly and you look so innocent in your unconscious dream. He almost backs down, part of him hoping that it rains throughout the day, just so he doesn't guilt trip himself for the pout on your face if you miss it. You need to rest.
As if you sense his hesitation, you stir in bed and lean into his touch. A low hum escapes you, and Joel is too weak to deny himself the softness it brings. His wounded knuckles are soon replaced with a calloused thumb and he wonders what's so interesting about these hands that never ceases to catch your attention.
One night at the bar, Joel had caught you actually staring at them and when he teased you a little about it, you just shrugged and grinned mischievously. "I mean... I just like them so much. Your hands are always warm, and... and that's all."
He shrugged it off that night. Ellie had also considered it a flex for him to have warm hands even in the coldest days of winter, but with you and the way you looked at him... It was different. He knew it was more than that. 
And when the nights he shared with you went further than his sinful thoughts had planned, you showed him that it was more than that. It was more than the warmth you found there. If anything, your helpless whimpers were an indication of how capable and strong these hands were.
Heat blooms in his chest. It simply is endearing. The way you always seem to recognize his touch and send his head spiraling with the idea that you want him to do more. You've never been afraid of him. You've never pushed him away. You've never judged him for the horrible things he's done. Jesus, it should terrify him. Joel should've pushed you away at some point, because he knows you'd be better off without him, but how could he muster the strength to do so? Since that fateful moment on your porch, your presence keeps on inviting him for more. More than simply existing. And God, if you knew how he wants to do more than that every second of the day... Only if the world lets him breathe a little.
There's another bolt of lightning and raindrops finally begin to drum against the window pane.
Joel shakes his head to get rid of those worrisome ideas. Propping himself on one elbow, he leans over ever so slightly and lets his thumb trace its way to your chin, up to your jawline, and then back to the soft skin on your cheek. He draws circles over the blooming flush and then his thumb is traveling down to your lower lip. Your mouth parts just a little more, breathing even and content and if he gets a grip on himself, he may notice that there's a ghost of a smile in there as well.
"Baby..." He whispers softly, his gaze drifting all over your adorable face. You really are a piece of art, tangled in the sheets, in the safety of his house, and your innocent hums are doing something to him. Some obscene voice that silently pleads for more. More and more... Just to give you more. 
You stir a little more.
He leans over and places a gentle kiss on your forehead, the sweet, fruity scent he's come to like a lot about you engulfing his senses. He watches every little movement with amusement. "My sweet baby... You want to see what's waitin' for you outside."
"Joel," you mumble sleepily, voice drowsy and laced with a hint of confusion as you rub your eyes and stretch your arms before looking around the dark room with a quizzical expression on your face. It doesn't take long for the realization to hit you and the familiar gleam in your gaze makes him smile. You stare a him, wide-eyed. "Is it- again?"
He chuckles and gestures at the window. "Yes, a heavy one at that."
Again, there's that hum of delight as you follow his gaze. The pitter-patter of the rain cheers you up like a lollipop would do to a child. It's maddeningly adorable.
You should be running to the backyard by now, but instead you stare at him for a while. It's his turn to be confused. Your smile gets broader by each passing second as your delicate hands trace his face and run over the salt and pepper patches of his beard. When you playfully ruffle his hair, your eyes are still droopy and dreamy and so damn kissable that he just can't help himself.
His other hand fondles with a loose strand of hair beside you on the pillow before twirling it between his fingers. You bite your lower lip and lift your head just enough for a brief peck on the tip of his nose. He chuckles, letting his fingers draw a line over the column of your neck, down to your chest, and at last they disappear beneath the sheets, settling comfortably on the warm expanse of your belly. 
Joel assumes that his presence is not too close to lock you in place, and yet not too loose to let you drift back into unconsciousness. You just have the perfect moment to escape. For goodness sake, rain is the one thing you choose over anything else. The thing you like a lot.
But you're still here, dazed eyes flickering all over his face and it just gives him a second thought. A new idea to test your patience. Seeing you still pinned under him and unmoving, was not really in his list when he decided to walk back home and wake you up. He chortles with amusement. If you want what he thinks you do, he could give you that... "Come on sweetheart, what's stoppin' you?"
His fingers drift lower, exploring the bare flesh of your thigh, right where his mouth was hours ago. Still as warm as he remembers, maybe a little bruised too. "It's all rainy outside. Ain't that what you wanted?"
"I know..." You mumble, an undertone of need sewn in your voice as you look down over the sheets that cover every movement of his hand. It's too dark for you to see anything anyway. He could easily toss the covers aside, but it's wickedly satisfying this way. "I'm- um, just feeling a little under the influence...and it's- uh, it's distracting."
His hand caresses its way to where he knows you need it the most, and you barely repress a shudder when his fingertips glide over your folds. But he barely feels you, a ghost of a touch hovering there as a smirk threatens to flicker at the corner of his mouth.
"Wonder if my hand's makin' a good influence or a bad one. What d'you say, baby?"
It pelts down steadily outside, but you don't seem to care the slightest about it. Neither does Joel. A low gasp emanates from you when his touch becomes proper, rubbing circles and spreading the slick over your clit as slow and unrushed as he physically can manage. You're still indecently wet after he'd brought you over the edge again and again before you dozed off... and the fact that some of his cum might be gathering in his hand is fueling his lewd thoughts.
You naughty girl.
"A very bad one, I see." He tuts, feeling your chest heaving up and down beneath him. It's easy to rile you up this way. Desperation is written in your expression... and he hasn't even started yet.
"She needs fixin', doesn't she?" Joel asks, bringing his movement to a sudden halt. You're too distracted by everything he does to form a coherent thought. He lifts an expectant brow, now actually waiting for an answer.
"Yes- yes Joel... need it so bad... so bad it hurts." You breathe, a helpless pout forming on your lips.
"I know baby. I know... Jus' lay down and let me take care of it, hm? How's that sound?" He demands again, but this time he doesn't give you a chance to respond as he pushes two fingers past your weeping hole, burying them knuckles deep within your warmth. You gasp at the sudden intrusion, eyelids heavy as you grasp his arm, squirming like a helpless, needy girl.
What a cruel man he is.
"Not off to a good start, angel. I know you can be more patient."
You nod quickly, biting your lip in an attempt to stop yourself from wriggling and twisting on the bed. For a split second, Joel considers pulling out to nuzzle his face between your legs and let the heat consume him. A perfect place to brave the cold, restless seasons. 
But his fingers aren't shy either. He starts with slow thrusts, effortlessly sliding in and out before picking up the pace. He makes you adjust to his rhythm, and when you let go and open up, the obscene moans and chocked out cries are all that fill the silence of the house. Jesus, he lives to hear them every day. He rewards you by curling his fingertips to hit that spot that makes you see stars.
You shudder particularly hard at that, more arousal pooling inside you and soaking his fingers. You're losing your grip with reality, and he can sense it as your legs begin to shake and your knee brushes over the denim of his jeans, but you still remember to abide by his "No squirming" rule.
You're so pliant and obedient in his hands that it does nothing but to spur Joel to give you more. And so he does.
"I like these sounds," He adds a third finger, tilting his head to whisper in your ear. "I dream about them all the time."
You whimper and tighten your hold around Joel's arm. When he feels that your orgasm is creeping impossibly close, his thumb joins and rubs rapid circles over your bundle of nerves and that's your undoing. You clench around him, walls tightening and squeezing his fingers deeper – if that's even possible – as waves of white-hot euphoria crash over your worn-out body and take over your senses. Your back arches involuntarily into him. A sound between a groan and a curse escapes his throat.
"That's it. Atta girl... that's it, so fuckin' beautiful."
His touch is unrelenting as he talks you through it with a string of sweet nothings. 
Only when you come down and rest back on the bed he slowly pulls out. You're panting heavily, face flushed and heated and so effortlessly seductive that Joel is sure no fucking artist could ever capture it in words of a poem or colors of a painting. Joel is the only one to witness this moment and it swells his chest with pride. He wants to drink it in, let it run through his veins like never-ending liquor.
He lifts his hand, smirking as you gape at the way it's glistening under the dim light. You're in awe. He softly places the tips between your swollen lips and you waste no time in swirling your tongue around them, licking the slick off as if it's a delightful lollipop. And the hazy look on your face says that it's more than just a sweet treat.
His own breathing hitches when you open your mouth a little wider and take him fully in, sucking and humming and driving him absolutely crazy. He shakes his head slightly, catching the playful gleam in your gaze.
"Hm. Still a very bad influence."
When you're fully recovered and satisfied, Joel lifts you up in his arms and walks towards the backyard, chuckling at your confused expression. You give a squeal and wrap your hands around his neck to keep yourself steady, at the same time trying to gauge what his next plan would be. You really have forgotten about the rain, haven't you?
He comes to a halt, making sure the blanket he'd just picked off the bed is not leaving any part of your body uncovered. The rainstorm has eased off considerably over the past hour, but he doesn't want to risk it. Keeping you warm and safe in the cold is and will always be his top priority, no matter if his back or knees protest from how much they ache. Hell, he aches for you and that content smile on your face. Nothing beats it.
"My girl still wants to go out, hm?"
Your eyes flicker between him and the half-open door, filled with excitement and delight and a tiny flicker of doubt. "Yes Joel... but...you sure you want to join in?"
"I don't know," He feigns innocence, pretending to think for a short while before his face lights up with an idea. "Do I get a kiss for it?"
You laugh and lean up to press your lips into his in a soft, lingering kiss. It's so tender and reassuring that he has to pull back before changing his mind and taking you back to the bed.
"Then it's settled."
It has been settled for a long time.
Maybe he can get used to it. Maybe you get a better idea of what you've made of him with your presence at times when he easily complies with things that make you happy. A heart made of ice, molten enough to experience the world with you all over again. Even if he gets soaked in the rain, he's alright with it. You kiss him and all the discomfort is forgotten.
He should give it time and learn to breathe again. Learn to stay, to settle. To let you know that you're all he sees.
Yeah, I don't want to hurt
There's so much in this world 
To make me bleed
Stay with me
Let's just breathe
Stay with me
You're all I see
The words are carved in his head. He chances a glance at the living room before walking past the door. Your guitar is placed on the couch. Maybe one day he'll bring himself to play his melodies for you too. He thinks that he's got a lot of time for it now. He wants an eternity with you, and in this wretched world, eternity lasts as long as you'll have him.
One, two... Ten droplets fall over him. He kisses you again, harder and longer. His ice-cold heart melts just a little more at your careless laughter. Just stay with me.
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keerysfreckles · 11 days ago
Text
from the start | QUINN HUGHES 43
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pairing: quinn hughes x fem!reader & (kind of) jack hughes x fem!reader
summary: after being in love with jack for forever, y/n comes to a realization he isn't the brother who's had her heart the whole time.
warnings: use of y/n and she/her pronouns, jack is kinda an asshole, mention of a panic attack, makeout session, not proofread, this is a long fic im sorry i got carried away 😔😔
a/n: lake house hughes brothers fics always make me FOLD (yes this was inspired by tsitp)
masterlist ! | requests are open
⋆ ˚ 。 ⋆ ୨୧ ˚
y/n loved summer.
y/n loved going to the beach or on the lake every single day. she loved the smell of salt water when she drove to the hughes' lake house every summer. she loved her birthday being in the beginning of june, meaning she'd get cake and presents and time with her favorite people on her day. she loved going to fairs almost every weekend and getting sick with the youngest hughes brother after eating their weight in fried foods. she also loved jack hughes.
the day y/n stepped foot into the hughes' lake house at the ripe age of three years old, she knew she was going to love it there.
y/n sat impatiently in her mothers car as she drove to the lake house. this was the first summer y/n convinced her parents to let her go by herself. her father would be busy with work this summer anyway, and y/n thought her mom might want a house to herself for a while.
y/n sat in the passenger seat, legs tucked against her chest as she texted luke throughout the trip. even though her and jack were the same age, she was always closer to luke.
speaking of jack, he had texted the girl himself, asking if she was almost to the lake house, knowing it would just be her staying the summer.
her heart flipped when she saw his name come up at the top of her phone. she held in a giggle as she texted him back.
y/n couldn't help but love jack. she knew she was in love with him since she was ten years old. it was the day he comforted her after her bike got ruined by quinn, when he "accidentally" forgot to bring it inside. the kids soon found out the next morning that it got ran over by a car, making both wheels messed up and the plastic cracked.
ever since she can't help but be drawn to him, and it wasn't changing this summer.
sure they were all older, and this is the first summer in three years where all brothers would be in the lake house.
luke and jack would always be busy with hockey when quinn wasn't, and vice versa.
y/n practically jumped out of the car before her mom even put it into park.
"y/n!" her mom begins the scold her, but the girl is already getting her bags out of the trunk.
"sorry mom, just excited," she smiles.
"now you know all the rules right?" her mom asks as she stops next to the driver's side window.
"yes mom," y/n rolls her eyes.
her mom takes in a quick breath of air, "just mind your manners, and have fun, okay?"
y/n nods, "love you mom" she calls out as she runs up the driveway, hearing a response from her mom before she drives off.
she can't even get her hand up to knock on the door, when luke opens it eagerly.
"you're here!" he laughs before dragging her into a big hug.
"i'm here!" she laughs with him, before going into the house.
the two begin to catch up, considering they haven't seen each other in at least a year. their busy schedules just did not line up.
y/n pauses their conversation to run up the stairs to the bedroom that's been claimed as hers. jim and ellen hughes gifted her the room as a thirteenth birthday present, and not much has changed in the room.
the walls were still baby pink. they used to be filled with bright colored posters out of magazines, and now were filled with pictures filled of her and her friends, and the three brothers.
the glow in the dark star stickers were still on the ceiling, making her giggle slightly.
she didn't bother unpacking now, content with throwing her bags on her bed.
she walked down the hardwood in the hallway, stopping by jack's room. she peaked her head in the cracked door, but frowned when there was no sign of the middle child. she continued down the short hallway towards quinn's room.
she repeated the process from jack's room, and smiled once she saw the oldest brother.
she catches him off gaurd with her knock on his door, making him pause as he was in the middle of putting away clothes from his hamper.
"hey, you're here," he warmly smiles at her, letting her enter his room. "sorry, i didn't here you come in, or i would've been downstairs."
"you're all good," she smiles back as he opens his arms for a hug. "do you know where jack is?" she asks as they pull away from each other.
quinn knew she would ask sooner or later, so he was mad at himself for letting his smile falter.
"he's picking up a friend right now. she's supposed to stay the next week," he explains.
once he sees y/n's smile falter as well, he's quick to change the subject. "are you excited for your birthday?"
y/n's smile is quick to return as she nods, "it feels like i've been twenty-two forever," she drags out the last word, making both of them laugh.
"oh by the way, when jack gets back we're all going on the boat," quinn exclaims, telling her to change into her swimsuit.
the two bid goodbye as y/n practically skips back down the hallway towards her room. she loves nothing more than being on the lake with the brothers. it's her paradise away from paradise.
however her current bliss is lost as she remembers she packed her swimsuits at the very bottom of her bag. she groans, realizing she'll have to unpack anyway to retrieve them.
she does her best to unpack quickly, not wanting to make anyone wait to start their summer festivities.
finally after nearly ten minutes of unpacking, all of her shorts, t-shirts and dresses were in their designated drawers in her worn out dresser.
she kept her swimsuits laid haphazardly in her suitcase, considering she always mix-matches tops and bottoms anyway. no need to put them in a drawer.
she grabs two pieces; a pair of black bottoms with white polka dots, and a yellow top with thin straps connecting behind her neck and back.
as y/n was upstairs getting changed, the three brothers, along with jack's friend, gabriella, were waiting in the boat for y/n. jack and gabriella already had swimsuits on under their clothes, and luke and quinn were fast to change.
"can't we leave already? i'm like baking out here," gabriella groans, leaning her head back against jack's arm thats behind her, and fanning herself off.
luke shakes his head as quinn responds, "no, we're waiting for y/n."
gabriella simply groans again, as jack is unusually quiet, but stays connected at the hip with her.
speak of the devil, y/n is running out of the back door and down the wooden dock. she has a towel, sunglasses, and container of pineapple in one hand and her phone in the other.
quinn and luke both chuckle at her frazzled state, even though this is usually how she comes out to the boat.
"just in time," luke pats the seat next to him. y/n gladly sits down on the hot material, and quinn starts the boat.
"oh, jack you made it!" y/n smiles, until she notices how close him and his friend are. "hi, i'm y/n," she holds her hand out.
"gabriella," the girl simply replies, making y/n awkwardly put her hand back in her lap.
to avoid any upcoming awkwardness, luke questions, "whatcha got there?" pointing to a plastic container besides y/n's leg.
she holds it in front of her, making him chuckle.
"what is with you and pineapple?"
"what? it's good!" she defends, before putting it in the cooler filled with ice, water, seltzers and beers.
the five on the boat make small talk (really it's luke, quinn and y/n talking in the front, while jack and gabriella as whispering at the back), before quinn stops the boat in an empty clearing. y/n helps luke with the anchor until the metal can't go any farther down into the water.
"race you to the water," luke pokes y/n's side.
"not fair!" she responds, having to catch up to him at the back of the boat.
she jumps in right after him, and quinn is quick to follow, splashing both luke and y/n in the process.
"you guys coming in? or are you just gonna canoodle the whole time?" luke interrogates the two left on the boat.
"you did not just say canoodle," y/n cringes.
"i did," luke nods proudly, "and i'll say it again."
y/n and quinn both begin splashing luke before he can let any other nonsense slip from his lips.
fifteen minutes pass, and quinn and luke are having a backflip contest off the back of the boat, with y/n being the judge.
even with the amazing title of being the backclip contest judge, she couldn't help but advert her eyes towards jack.
the way his hair practically glowed from the sunset behind him. the way his eyes seemed to shine brighter with the blue waves reflecting off of the them. the way his eyes crinkled when he smiles at the story gabriella told him. the way he played with gabriella's blonde hair. the way he was rubbing his thumb over gabriella's thigh.
y/n now felt like she was going to throw up.
"okay," luke pops up from under the water, "who had the better backflip that time?"
"what?" that broke y/n out of her trance.
"the contest," luke reminds her, "who won that time?"
"uh, sorry i wasn't paying attention."
luke splashes her, "some judge you are."
quinn however noticed y/n's small change in demeanour, then looked in the direction she was just looking in, putting together what had made her gone sour.
of course the other hughes brothers knew about y/n's infatuation with jack. it hasn't lessened over the years, and the only one who hasn't noticed was jack.
"you guys wanna start heading back?" quinn asked the two in the water, "mom said they're doing a barbeque tonight."
luke and y/n nod, both excited about the traditional first night barbeque. ellen and jim always made too much food, but their hearts are always in the right place.
after luke gets on the boat, quinn leans down to help y/n. her skin is quick to fill with goosebumps, not yet prepared for the slight breeze and setting sun.
she wraps her towel around her before sitting, but the cloth only dries her from the lake, instead of keeping her warm.
"you cold?" quinn asks as he sits down in the drivers seat in front of y/n.
"yeah, and i forgot to grab a shirt," y/n admits, now realizing how excited she was to get on the boat to forget to grab one.
quinn silently hands her one of his vancouver canucks shirts that he was wearing earlier.
was it an excuse to see her wear one of his shirts again? maybe. and no, this wasn't the first time this scenario had happened.
she mutters a quick thank you, and slips the warm shirt over her body. it bunched up around her waist.
as quinn pulled away back in the direction of the lake house, y/n couldn't help but let her curiosity peak as she turned her head towards jack and gabriella.
gabriella was laying down, with her head in his lap while he ran his fingers through her hair. y/n could only wish she was in gabriella's position. she felt foolish sometimes when it comes to her feelings with jack. she felt as though he'd never feel the same, or she'd never be enough for him. but his green eyes and perfect smile, and beautifully warm personality pulled her back in every time.
y/n looks away, feeling foolish again as she wipes her eyes of the tears starting to form. she's twenty-to for gods sake. she shouldn't be feeling like this.
as luke and quinn continued talking near the front of the boat, y/n brought her knees up to her chest and leaned her head against quinn's back.
she let the sound of the waves, the lull of the boat, and the warmth radiating off of quinn help relax her. she wasn't going to let jack and some dumb blonde ruin her summer.
wait, she didn't say dumb out loud, did she?
⋆ ˚ 。 ⋆ ୨୧ ˚
y/n woke up the next morning, now regretting her decision to go straight to bed after the barbeque, and not bothering to change out of her swimsuit or shower. she was still wearing quinn's canucks shirt.
no one could blame her though. watching the guy you've been in love with forever latch onto someone else the whole day made her have a low appetite, and all she wanted to do was sleep.
she picked out a simple outfit, consisting of black jean shorts and a baby pink tank top. she ran towards the upstairs bathroom, thankful to hog all the hot water before anyone else could.
with her shower completed and hair finally brushed out, she went back into her room, but was surprised to see quinn laying sideways on her bed.
"i didn't think anyone else was awake," she pulled quinn's gaze away from his phone.
"no one else is, just me," she nods at his response.
"what exactly are you doing in my room at eight in the morning?"
quinn sits up, "we're going to the bakery down the road and picking up bagels for everyone," he explains.
"and i have to go with you why?" she asks, however she starts putting on her shoes anyway.
he shrugs, "you just happened to be awake." 'i just want more time with you' he thought, but couldn't tell her the true reason.
"fine quinnifer, lead the way," she used the nickname she knows he hates, but he lets out a low chuckle before leaving her room.
y/n loves being in the car with quinn, simply because he lets her be in control of music. jack and luke never let her.
she picks her summer playlist before telling quinn all about her most hated class this past semester at umich. he listens intently, and even interjects with a few reactions.
as quinn parks in front of the small bakery, y/n decided to wait in the car, insisting she can't miss her favorite song.
y/n lets her eyes wander. they look over to the beach on her left, maybe she can convince the brothers to go there for her birthday tomorrow. she then watches a family walk into the bakery. the two parents and happily swinging a little girl between them. then her eyes switch to quinn at the counter. she watches his smile grow only slightly when he steps up to the counter to order. she looks over his dark brown hair, and how soft it seems this morning. her gaze shifts to the slight stubble starting to grow on his chin. she notices the viens in his hands she's never noticed before as he grabs the plastic bag from the worker.
she jumps out of her trance when quinn unlocks the car, making her realize she was just checking quinn out.
checking. quinn. out.
she must've been getting sick, or maybe she was just really hungry. she never thought of quinn romantically. it was always jack. the only time it had gotten remotely close to that with quinn was when he visited her at her dorm room 'just because'. he surprised her with concert tickets to her favorite artist, got her a new lego set, and a basket full of her favorite snacks.
"you okay over there?"
y/n jumps slightly, but nods, "yeah, why?"
"you like zoned out pretty hard."
y/n nods again, "i'm fine."
quinn doesn't question it, and starts driving back to the house. he takes notice of the way y/n fidgets with the plastic bag now in her lap, but doesn't bring it up.
the two finish the drive in silence, the only noise being the pop songs playing from y/n's playlist.
quinn and y/n enter the house, and hear shuffling in the kitchen. they expect it to be luke, or ellen or jim, but it's jack and gabriella.
jack and gabriella kissing.
jack has her pushed up against the kitchen island, lifting her shirt slightly while she's grabbing onto his hair like her life depended on it.
y/n feels her insides flip and she just looks down at the floor as she lets out a shuddered breath. was it selfish she thought she'd never see jack with anybody besides herself? yes, but she knew that.
"hey," quinn catches their attention, "are you done shoving your tongue down your friends' throat?" he eyes jack. "we got breakfast."
y/n can't look at the sight of jack and gabriella. she feels like an idiot. a hopelessly in love, idiot.
"i'm not hungry," she mumbles while walking behind quinn before jogging upstairs and walks towards her room.
she groans on frustration as she feels tears pool at her eyes. she can't believe she's crying over this. she can't believe she's been in love with jack for so long, for it to go no where between them.
she thought he was distant yesterday, but she thought that might've been jet lag, or first day tiredness. she didn't think it was her fault.
she didn't think she did anything wrong towards jack, so why had he been off towards her?
was it only towards her? has he been like this with luke and quinn before they arrived to the lake house?
a knocking takes y/n out of her own head, however that's when she realizes she's started struggling to breathe. her flowing tears aren't helping the situation either.
"y/n? are you okay?" quinn's voice is calm outside. a complete three-sixty to how y/n is feeling on the inside.
she tries to answer, but nothing comes out but a strangled whine.
quinn comes inside. his eyes widen slightly at the girl in front of him.
"woah, woah, woah," he immediately walks over to her and wipes under her eyes. "you're okay," his voice is soft, but her heartbeat over powers it.
"c'mere," he brings her closer, so close that her head is pressing against the bottom of his collar bone. he rocks her slowly back and forth, glad when he feels her arms reach around his torso.
she shudders against him as her body keeps shaking, something she didn't notice was happening before.
"i feel so stupid," she admits. her voice is muffled and shaking against quinn's body.
quinn shakes his head, "you're not stupid y/n."
y/n nods in disagreement, "but i am quinn," she sniffles, "i've been in love with jack for years and he's only hurt me more than he's cared about me. i've practically thrown myself at him, and he just doesn't see me. he'll always see me as a little sister, or luke's best friend."
"that's not true y/n," quinn argues again.
y/n pulls back, her breathing slightly better than it was before.
"but it is true quinn. he was the only one that didn't come to my high school graduation. you and luke did, hell even your parents did. he was the one to forget to pick me up at the airport, so i had to wait for an uber to go to his game. and at another game when they won, he hugged all of you guys, except for me. he couldn't even look in my direction when him and luke met us after the game. i don't know what i've done wrong to him, i just don't quinn."
y/n doesn't realize her breathing has only picked up again, making her last few words slur together and come out fast and breathy. quinn simply pulls her back against him.
"i'm sorry," y/n cries into his chest, now all of her emotions colliding with one another, making her cry again. "i'm sorry quinn."
quinn is quick to shush her apologies, muttering comforting words, in between placing kisses over her hair.
the two stayed like that for about five minutes, before quinn noticed y/n's breathing even out again, and her sniffles stopped. he didn't mind how tear stained his shirt was right now, he only cared if y/n was okay.
"would a bagel cheer you up? i can go get one and bring it up here for you," quinn offers, "we can even watch a movie if you want. just hide up here."
y/n nods and whispers, "yes please."
quinn kisses her one last time on the top of her head, and rubs her back once more before exiting her room. she figures she'll get comfortable, so she changes into sweatpants and gets under the covers, waiting for quinn to come back.
minutes later, quinn returns with two paper plates. he hands y/n the everything bagel.
"an everything bagel. one side with cream cheese and the other side with butter," quinn watches a smile show up on her face.
"did you-"
"yes i toasted it."
"thanks quinn."
for the rest of the day, quinn does his best to get y/n's mind off of jack. if he was being honest, he knew this day would come eventually. the day y/n stopped having feelings for jack.
he knew it would happen when he got a call from y/n at two in the morning. jack had dragged her to a party, but then left her there, claiming he found the hottest girl to go home with.
y/n embarrassingly called quinn to come and pick her up.
if she called him any time, anywhere, he'd pick her up in a heartbeat.
⋆ ˚ 。 ⋆ ୨୧ ˚
quinn and y/n weren't sure when they fell asleep, or how long they'd been asleep, but both were startled awake with luke's consistent knocking on her door.
"we're making a fire if you wanna join!" he calls out, before they hear his heavy footsteps walking downstairs.
"so glad to know he's not worried about where i am," quinn jokes while stretching.
y/n turns and laughs with him, and feels a blush creeping up her neck as her eyes lock onto quinn's shirt riding up slightly. letting her eyes get a peak at his boxers peaking out from his shorts. she quickly averts her gaze before she gets caught.
"do you want to change into something warmer? i can just meet you outside by the firepit."
y/n nods, "jeez it's already getting dark? how long did we sleep?"
quinn finally checks his phone, "six hours," he shows his phone to y/n, making her see a bright '4:00 pm'.
she only chuckles, "i'll meet you out back q."
he decides to ignore the flutter in his heart at the use of his nickname. he closes her door behind him and makes his way downstairs.
when y/n arrives outside, now adorning one of luke's devils hoodies, she takes the only open camping chair left opposite of quinn. him and jim are standing and talking, while every one else is sat around the fire.
"hey sleeping beauty," luke jokes as y/n sits down beside him.
"yeah, yeah," she ignores with a smile on her face.
however her face drops involuntarily at the sight of jack and gabriella. they're sitting in one camping chair, gabriella on jack's lap, as he's whispering god knows what in her ear to make her laugh like a hyena.
y/n simply turns and starts a conversation with luke.
"are you excited for your birthday tomorrow?" luke asks.
y/n nods eagerly, "yeah, i've always loved having my birthday at the lake house."
"well i just know you're going to love my gift," luke smiles.
"i love your gifts every year luke."
the two chuckle before luke excuses himself to use the bathroom. this leaves y/n alone with her thoughts.
her interesting thoughts. her very recently quinn obsessed thoughts.
she tries justifying it though. how can she not? he helped her get over a panic attack earlier in the day, and honestly has been nothing but sweet to her since she's gotten here. something jack hasn't even thought about doing.
y/n took her time by herself to truly think about where she stood with jack. sure, he probably didn't know about her insane feelings towards him, and maybe that was for the better. just like before, she feels like such an idiot for now wasting years of her life on a boy who would never even fathom dating someone like her.
maybe it's better this way, she thinks, as he eyes now look over towards quinn. he's still talking with jim.
y/n is enthralled by the way the orange hues of the fire light his face. he's wearing a backwards baseball cap, that y/n simply wants to take off to see his soft long hair underneath.
her eyes roam over his face. over his relaxed eyebrows, and the way his eyes move from listening to jim to watching the fire crack and spark. over his perfect nose. the nose she's only recently thought about kissing. over his cheeks and the way his stubble is growing, making him look more manly (and more hot in y/n's opinion). over his curved lips, as y/n wonders what it would feel like to k-
quinn's eyes meet hers.
she got caught like a deer in headlights.
but she can't look away.
and neither can he.
⋆ ˚ 。 ⋆ ୨୧ ˚
"happy birthday to you!"
a chorus of off key singing comes to an end as y/n blows out the candles of her personal red velvet cake. all three brothers would always make fun of her for red velvet being her favorite. she simply just thought it was prettier than every other cake flavor. plus it tasted amazing with cream cheese frosting.
however all three brother's weren't present. only two were. luke and quinn. one on each side of y/n on the large couch, as ellen and jim sat on the loveseat besides them.
y/n didn't want to admit it bothered her, but he always there with with her on her birthday. but when she realized gabriella wasn't in the house either, she had a good feeling neither of them would be showing up any time soon.
ellen and jim gave their present first, loving how excited y/n got when she opened the box to find even more pairs of mix-matchable swimsuits. they knew her a little too well.
luke got her two lego sets. one new marvel one of groot, and a set of sunflowers to put with the other lego flowers both him and quinn have gotten her over the past few years.
quinn was next, and to say y/n was shocked would be an understatement. the bag was small, and she pulled out a tiny white box. inside was a silver necklace, how quinn knew she wore silver and not gold, she'll never know. there were two dainty charms on the chain, and she held it closer to get a better look.
the one on the left was a hockey stick, which made her giggle since it just felt fitting for her. even though she's never played a game of hockey, it's surrounded her her entire life.
the second charm is the letter if her first initial, with the tiniest sparkling gems inside.
"q, i love it," she's quick to wrap her arms around him, before hugging luke, as well as jim and ellen.
just as she clasps the necklace around her neck and adjusts it, the front door opens.
jack and gabriella walked in hand and hand, surprised to see everyone sitting in the living room, staring at them as they arrived.
jack looks around, and notices the cake and opened gifts scattered on the coffee table.
"oh, um, happy birthday y/n," jack sends her a smile, as well as gabriella, but she knows neither of them mean it.
"thanks jack," she immediately begins playing with the new necklace, a habit she didn't know she'd have.
"why don't you go get your gift for her jack?" ellen suggests.
jack awkwardly looks between his mom and y/n.
"i forgot to get her something, sorry."
his voice was low, and talked as if she wasn't in the room with them.
y/n shakes her head, "it's fine, really."
jack nods, before grabbing gabriella's hand and leading her upstairs, until they hear a door close.
"i swear we have to go talk some sense into that boy," ellen exclaims.
jim agrees, and the two get up and go towards their own room, honestly not feeling like dealing with their middle son's raging hormones.
the rest of the day practically revolved around y/n. she got to pick whether they hang out in the pool or go on the lake (obviously she picked the lake). she picked which movie to watch while the group ate leftover barbeque. then she got to pick where to go out for dinner. she sat in between quinn and luke (quinn pulled her chair closer to him before she sat down, not that she'd notice) and ate the most amazing lobster roll she thinks she's ever had.
as the night started winding down, everyone went into their bedrooms. however y/n wasn't tired yet, even after showering and finally letting the birthday excitement leave her body.
for probably the thirtieth time this week, her mind can't help but be drawn to quinn. but also to jack.
she was certain she was over jack. her hopeless little crush on him over the years has finallt fizzled out like a sad firework. and honestly, she feels like a weight has been lifted off her.
years of trying to impress him, and look good for him, and try to make him laugh, all down the drain.
but she wasn't sad about it.
her mind then drifted back to quinn. her hand subconsciously reaches for the necklace, moving the charms back and forth on the chain.
was she falling for the wrong hughes brother this whole time? she thought.
quinn has always been nice to her. always cared about her, physically and emotionally. she remembers when she was eight, him being ten, and him worrying about her when she got heartbroken when she lost her favorite stuffed animal on the way to the lake house.
that whole first week he tried cheering her up by bringing her stuffed animals from his own room, to try and find one she loved.
she giggled at the thought.
she wondered what quinn was doing. was he asleep already? or watching one of his favorite tv shows? maybe he's downstairs getting a midnight snack. it'd probably be leftovers from dinner.
she wondered how he was doing right now. was he upset at jack for forgetting her birthday earlier? or was he happy y/n had a good birthday regardless of the middle hughes mishaps.
the more y/n sat and pondered over the oldest hughes brother, the more she realized she's falling.
this wasn't exactly an over night sensation however.
don't get her wrong, she did have an insanely long crush on jack. but something about quinn managed to captivate her and draw her in closer to him over time.
"shit," y/n whispers.
she's fallen for quinn hughes.
she decides it's just her delirious and tired state doing all the thinking right now. she gets out from under her warm covers. maybe a splash of cold water on her face will help. she's seen it in movies, so it must work.
what she didn't know, was that the boy on her mind was standing right outside her closed bedroom door. he's been there for no longer than three minutes. his hand was in his pocket, a third charm encased in a little mesh bag. one he didn't think she'd want. but one he knows he needs her to wear.
he's made up his mind. screw jack for messing up his chances in the past. quinn knew he was in deep when it comes to y/n. he was just an idiot for not doing anything about it before. all because he knew how y/n felt towards jack. he didn't want to be in the middle of anything. but in reality, it was jack being in the middle of quinn and y/n.
quinn debated on turning back around and just going to his room. he didn't even think of the possibility of y/n being alseep.
he still knocked.
well, he would've knocked. if there was a door there.
y/n and quinn were now inches apart from each other.
"hi," she whispers.
"hey," he whispers back.
"i didn't think anyone was still awake," she voices.
quinn shakes his head, "just couldn't sleep."
a moment of silence passes as the two simply look into each others eyes. eyes that are saying a million words, yet their mouths aren't moving.
quinn takes a step towards y/n, and she doesn't move back.
"can i ask you a question?" he asks.
she nods, "yeah, anything."
quinn takes a deep breath, "please tell me you're over jack."
"what?" the question catches y/n off gaurd, before she can truly respond.
"before i do this, just," he pauses, "please tell me you're over jack."
y/n nods, but her eyebrows are still scrunched in confusion.
"i need to hear it," quinn responds.
"i'm over jack."
after those three words leave y/n's lips, quinn takes ahold of y/n's jaw, bringing his lips to hers.
just as y/n was about to move her hands to hold onto quinn's waist, he pulls away, still leaving only inches between them.
their mingled breaths linger between them, but not for long as y/n pulls quinn towards her, kissing him again. it's more emotional than the last kiss, filled with longing and desire.
y/n pulls on his black long sleeve shirt, pulling him into her room. without disconnecting their lips, he closes the door behind him. quinn's mouth moves to her neck, kissing and sucking lightly at the skin, as her hands roam to his front, reaching underneath his shirt.
"wait," quinn pulls away, both of them now panting. "i have one last gift for you."
y/n watches him reach into his pajama pants pocket, seeing something silver peeking out of a mesh bag.
"quinn, what is-"
"this might be really stupid, but it was a good idea at the time. um," he pauses, dropping the contents on the bag into his palm. y/n gasps at the small 'Q' charm. "if you'll be mine, i figured you might want my initial. y'know, like that one taylor swift song you love."
"quinn, oh my gosh," y/n's at a loss for words.
"can you put it on the necklace for me?" she asks him, making him nod and comply instantly.
he's quick to clasp it around the chain, falling in line with the other two charms. quinn's finger and thumb rub over the newly added charm.
"does this mean you'll be mine?"
y/n nods, and before she can get a real response out, quinn pulls gently on the necklace, drawing her towards him to push their lips together once again.
723 notes · View notes
fushitoru · 6 months ago
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the importance of skincare a gojo satoru fic
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PAIRING: gojo x reader SUMMARY: worried about your boyfriend's skin health, you're set out on a mission to teach him about skincare, sitting him down and rubbing products over his face while seated on his lap. only, he convinces you that he has something to teach as well about facials. just not the kind you expected. WARNINGS: NOT EDITED, oral (m!rec), gojo cums all over reader's face, nsfw, FLUFF (a lot of it), established relationship, gojo is a nuisance, gn!reader, i have writer's block and this helped, silly little thought based off this drabble
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“Applying sunscreen on my boyfriend because otherwise, this is what we’ll look like when we’re 60.”
You gasped out loud, despite being alone. Rolling around on the couch you were lazing in, you stared at the paused screen in front of you: a woman and her boyfriend, except she’s finely aged with a few wrinkles, and he looks like an extremely wrinkled potato. Suddenly, your mind flashes back to all the moments your boyfriend, Satoru, would scroll on his phone while you finished your nighttime skin care routine.
“Baby, you really should start doing some skincare.” You give him a sideways glance while rubbing snail mucin all over your face.
Satoru looks up from whatever nonsensical reel on his page half heartedly and observes you as you pat your hands all over your face and neck. “I wash my face.”
“Using your 13-in-1 wash?”
“I don’t use 13-in-1 wash.” Satoru fully looks up, frowning. Sassily, he adds, “And what you’re rubbing all over your face looks like cum.”
That’s as much prodding you’ve done to convince your boyfriend to adopt better facial hygiene, but today was different. You were not about to let your pretty boyfriend get skin cancer or age like milk.
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The door opened, as Satoru stepped into your apartment. “Hi, baby!” You perked up from washing your dishes, your form barely able to peek over the kitchen counters over to him, at your doorstep. He can hear pitter patters of your feet as you make your way to him. Then your warmth envelops him, smelling of dish soap and rose. He gives a little mwah! to the top of your head while murmuring, “I bought crepes for you today. Extra Nutella and everything.”
But rather than excitedly reaching for the crepes, you stayed in his hold, hugging onto him tight and stuffing your face in his shirt, breathing in deeply as if to memorize his scent. Satoru confusedly looks down at you, hesitantly coming up to rub your scalp to give you head scratches with his free hand. “Are you okay?” 
“Satoru, we have to talk,” you mumble into his chest. 
Alarmed, Satoru looks down at you. “Oh my god,” Satoru nervously exclaims, “at least let me put down our crepes before you give me a heart attack.” Your only response is to nuzzle your face further into his chest, while he grabs your hand, unwraps you from him, and leads you to your couch. He puts the crepes down on the dinner table and grabs both of your hands, pouting and frowning slightly in that sweet, ignorant way of his. “What happened? Did I do something wrong?”
You glanced up at him, staring in distress. “Babe, you need to do your skincare.”
“This is what you wanted to talk about?” Satoru looks at you confused. “I thought it was something serious.” You almost want to sob at the way he looks like a confused kitten. You don’t understand why you’re so hung up over that one TikTok—although, your menstrual cycle app did say menstruation was near—but it definitely changed your outlook on your boyfriend’s skin health. 
“This is serious.” You were visibly growing more and more listless until you suddenly make the decision to stand up and make your way somewhere towards the bathroom. 
When you came back, you had your hefty Chanel purse, one that Satoru gifted you for your 2nd year anniversary. You set it down in the space between you and Satoru with a plop! as you began to rummage through the contents to find your essential skincare items. Dragging him to the bathroom, you command him to wash his face. And, to his credit, he does go through all the motions, albeit a little confused. 
A few minutes later, you sit him down on the couch—with your skincare items in hand—and take your seat on his lap. Satoru’s still a little confused as to what’s going on, but—to his credit—you aren’t doing much explanation, either. 
“Baby, I’m really confused,” Satoru is now putting his hands on your hips, pulling you closer to his torso as you lather different creams on your hands. Any further questions from him are stopped as you gently rub them all over his face, targeting his T-zone and cheeks. 
“I saw a TikTok of this girl ‘nd her boyfriend, ‘Toru,” you explain, lathering his face. “He doesn’t do his sunscreen, so he’s going to look like an overboiled tomato when he’s 60. Didn’t want the same for you.” 
 You continue to reach for another bottle, until you realize it’s set too far down the table for you to reach. Naturally, Satoru reaches it for you and puts it in your hands, frowning. “You made me so worried. I thought I did something wrong.”
“You are doing something wrong. You’re doing your pretty skin wrong.” You were scowling, but your hands were sweetly patting Satoru’s face in a way that made him relax. After a long day of dealing with Yaga, he appreciated your soothing hands massaging the tension out of his face. It was never easy dealing with dissaproving old fucks. 
Deciding to adjust his posiiton, Satoru crossed his arms behind his head, laying back onto the couch instead of sitting. Closing his eyes, he felt you straddling him in an effort to reach across his torso to his face to continue your pampering. You both fell into a comfortable silence as you droned on about what you were putting onto his face. A serum that smelled good. “This is hyaluronic acid serum. This’ll keep your face nice and hydrated.” A cream that felt cold on Satoru’s skin. “This is niacinamide, because I know you picked on your acne and boogers when you were going through puberty.” He wanted to protest, but it was so hard to when you pair the insult with a small smooch on his nose. Something that smelled harsher than the others. “This is retinol, and it’ll help you prevent wrinkles.”
In the midst of your teaching, he cracked open an eye and grabbed both of your hands by the wrist, seemingly in thought. “Wait, babe. You’re missing something.” You blinked. “What?” 
“Well, there’s this thing called facials." The beginnings of a smug smile bloomed across his face. It’s really good for your skin, ‘nd I have just the thing with me."
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“‘Toru, you are so stupid,” you whined, licking up and down his cock and balls, giving little kisses to his pink and throbbing length.
“Shhh, baby, this is good fo’ you, I promise.” Sounds of plap! plap! echoed throughout the room as your boyfriend slapped his cock against your cheeks. He groaned, taking in the arousing sight of you: on your knees, only wearing his shirt. His cock hardens at the thought of you, his pretty little girlfriend, spending all day in his clothing. He could see your cute little baby blue panties covering your ass as his shorts rode up in your attempts to take his cock deeper in your mouth. As you continued to slobber on his cock, deepthroating him, he could continually smell your arousal, moaning as he realized you must be ruining your underwear.
“Awww, I can smell you, sweetheart. Your little pussy getting wet from just sucking my cock? I’m not even touching you,” Satoru pouted in faux pity and cooed, patting your head while he continually fed you his cock. 
You tried to protest. “Mmmff—” 
“Shhhh,” Satoru had a cocky smile on his face as he shushed you. “Don’t talk with your mouth full, baby.” With that, he lightly grabbed your hair, looking down at you for permission. When you nodded, he began face fucking you in earnest, cock throbbing as your hot, wet mouth enclosed around him. Your tongue laving over his sensitive spots made him groan. “Your mouth feel sooo good. What a good girl, taking my cock, slobbering all over it—fuck.”
He felt himself coming closer. “Baby,” he groaned, “you’re about to make me cum. Gotta give you your facial, right? Make you all nice and pretty?” You whined, tears running down your cheeks because of your stuffed mouth. It sent vibrations up and down his cock, making him come even closer. “Fuuuuck. Fuck, I’m coming.” Satoru pulled out of your mouth, pumping his cock onto your face, your tongue stretched and your eyes directly on his. Rubbing your tongue softly on his tip was what made him reach his climax; he moaned as he splurted long and think ropes of cum, coating your cheeks, forehead, and tongue. It was all so messy. Even after being done, Satoru was continually rubbing his cum into your skin with his cock. 
“Wheeew.” Satoru giggled, reaching down to put you on his lap. “Looks like you got your skincare.”
“Satoru, please give me a tissue. Right now. Your cum is dripping all over my face.”
“Aw, don’t be like that,” he whined. To your annoyance, he only further rubbed in the creamy substance over your face, using his palms and fingers to spread it. 
Disgusted, you knew what to say. “You’re never getting head from me ever again.”
Satoru had never scrambled to the bathroom faster.
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a/n lol he's so stupid. this is the only thing i could force my brain to write but now i'm locked in and finishing all my drafts fr
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bigspirit4 · 2 years ago
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if you read this and the first post, I sincerely apologize. you’re getting a hard look at the deepest recesses of my mind, open agape and oozing my most vulnerable thoughts I could ever reveal. they’re words that I need to be said, written. I find I don’t ever learn my lesson unless I talk about it. so, I hope those who care enough to read are receptive.
#she starts not responding as much#she gets a new job. she’s getting busier#she’s bad at communicating though. she told me herself#I respect it. I still text her but I don’t expect a response right away. that’s the mature thing to do right? we’re grown!#I wasn’t sure to what extent she meant that. keep that in your back pocket for later in the notes#anyway flash forward to THIS WEEK. I see her post a tiktok of this guy who looked somewhat like her soon-to-be ex husband.#in the caption she calls him her handsome sweet boy and that she needed no one else#my heart: eviscerated. I am about to faint. I am serious as a heart attack in saying all of this.#regardless of whom I may have mistaken this man for. it wasn’t me. and while we never made time to discuss what we wanted to be#or anything in regards to relationships#aside from us calling each other babe and saying we love each other. feel it needs to be stated: she started it. it doesn’t matter much#I loved her too. I didn’t realize how much I still loved her until we started talking again. it hit deep upon realization#on mobile so can’t read the tags fully so idk where I’m at. I confront her on it after she says she’s been on a “affection bender#crux of the whole shit is I told her I don’t want a relationship if she’s gonna post her side piece on tiktok. much less see other men#it hurts she’s would do that. but. I extend empathy. I always will.#she’s not in a great spot. she seems somewhat mentally unstable. she’s on the autism spectrum I learned. manic depressive 2 if memory serves#I loved her all the same. I think I always will. it’s hard not to. I’m convinced she’s my soul mate#but how do I know that. that’s just intuition. and what kind of soulmate? there are 4 kinds and she may be the type to teach me a lesson#anyway. back to being the lost soul I already was. time to snap out of my delusion and get back to the grindstone#maybe that’s where I’ll find my purpose. and kindle the love for life that romance and partnership likely never will#it seems like a perilous journey. that didn’t deter me before#I shouldn’t worry so much#there’s freedom in knowing it won’t get better. even more so I’m letting go of expectation#I’m fucking kidding myself. if I could I’d spend the rest of my life with her and that’s just how I feel. and I’ll love her and care for her#valiant efforts to do so at the very least.#I would dead serious uproot my life in Georgia and move to Cali to be with her. at the drop of a pen I’ll be going breakneck speed down I-10#just to feel her pelt my face with spit while she holds hands with the sweet boy she met.#I am a deeply depraven creature starved of any intimate connection. the one woman I know I could have that with doesn’t want me.#and I’ll let it go. I have to. there has to be more. I’m worthy and I know it.#it’s hard to internalize and know that. that’s where the work needs to be done.
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sexykwan · 2 years ago
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saturngas · 7 months ago
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hickeys on display
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[🪐] satoru wears proudly the hickeys you left on him last night
pairing: gojo satoru x f!reader
genre: fluff
warnings: established relationship; only one suggestive paragraph; crack fic? again me trying to be funny; nanami mentioned!; slight possessive traits;
word count: 1k
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..
nanami sometimes pitied you. you were a good human being, a nice woman, a devoted and strong sorcerer. but why did the world reward you with this menace that calls itself satoru?
the moment his eyes landed on the tall sorcerer walking in the bakery shop, nanami swore he wanted to throw himself off the window.
satoru had convinced him to go out to his favorite bakery shop to spend time while his beautiful wife returned from the mission. the blonde man actually didn't have any other plans for the day, so he could bare a couple of hours with the strongest.
but not like this.
Japanese culture revolved in humbleness and respect towards others. satoru was anything but that. he had gained multiple stares since he landed on the bakery, all eyes focused on the angry marks on his attractive neck and collarbones.
"what happened to you? were you attacked on your way here?" nanami asked sarcastically as satoru sat down in front of him.
"what do you mean, nanamin?" he faigned ignorance as he adjusted himself on his sit, his large hands fidgeting with the menu. nanami sent him a dead stare, not believing his cluelessness. "oh this?" he pointed to his exposed skin. "oh it's just that I miss my wife so much. I also want anyone to know im so taken."
Nanami couldn't believe his ears. he wanted to choke the hell out of the sorcerer for being so shameless.
"your ring is sufficient."
satoru eyed the silver band adorning his ring finger, the lovely reminder of your wedding playing on his head. "well, yeah I guess... but people dont usually look at other's people hands first."
the curious and judgmental stares from the strangers in the store were making nanami a bit uncomfortable. maybe he should just have his baguette as a take out.
"nanamin, have you ordered yet? I think ill have the strawberry cheesecake and a vanilla milkshak— what are you doing?"
in front of him was nanami holding up his phone, hands ready to take a picture of satoru as an evidence to you and a reminder to him to never go out with him again.
"im sending your wife a picture of you. I hope she doesn't approve this and takes you home away from people." as soon as satoru heard the mention of his wife, he stood taller in his sit, puffing out his hard chest, his exposed bruised neck more on display as a boyish grin struck his face.
"haha, okie~" a fit of giggles left his lips that made nanami exhale the hardest he had that evening. "please tell her I miss her and that I love her with all my heart."
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come get your husband. he has no shame.
your phone buzzed in your pocket as a final puff left the remaining of the curses you just have exorcized. you checked the message sent by a good friend of yours, nanami. you couldn't help but laugh.
since you were called for a quick mission not too far from tokyo, poor satoru was left alone without his pretty wife. he insisted on going with you, however you reminded him of the house chores he had been avoiding the past weeks.
your husband had a habit of sending you recurrent messages whenever you were away. it could be him on a mission overseas sending you pictures of himself in every angle just to crack a smile on your face. or it could be him spamming you on texting him back if you left him on read by accident.
right now, it had been around thirty minutes since satoru had informed you he had finished his duties, sending you visual proof—he would often get away with it—and a dozens of messages declaring he missed you and was miserable without you, so he let you know he would be visiting nanami, probably because there wasn't anyone within his range he could bother.
what you didn't expect was the photo attached to nanami´s previous message.
satoru was sitting in a booth—probably in some bakery shop—with one of the biggest grins you had seen on his angelic face. his baby blue eyes were covered by his rectangular glasses and his white hair was a bit messy.
but what immediately caught your attention wasn't his toothy grin or his perfect jawline—it was the shameless exposure of his bare neck, where purple and red marks decorated the pale skin of his collarbones, neck, and trapezius.
the night before was a night. satoru made you feel so full that your eyes were at one point covered in tears of pleasure, your jaw as tight as ever as you took all of him so well. the carnal heat inside you was boiling and daring to explote, so you released it with snug bites on satoru's skin, anywhere within your range, making him groan and hiss in painful arousal. there were moments where you would almost chew on the rosy skin to suppress the loud moans. satoru took good care of you. but now?
your husband deliberately decided to wear that low collar sweatshirt you loved so much. but not right now! how was he so uncaring about showing the entire world your marital business?
a sighed left your lips as you replied to nanami with an "im coming," before departing your way to the place, already having the directions since satoru left his location on with you all the time.
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"please dont ever do this, toru."
"then dont give me these hickeys! and dont leave me alone too much! I need to remind myself you still exist, baby."
"I was done with my mission in like two hours!"
"oh wow, you are getting stronger pookie bear."
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taglist: @snwvie @fanficsforkicks
hello guysss, im working on other works because I have like so many ideas but it's kinda hard to write them all the way I want to. im also working on pt 2 of some works some of y'all have suggested. bare with me alr :]
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kaciart · 3 months ago
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@deadboyween Day 3 - Disguises
-
Patreon | Ko-Fi
Kaciart
'You look well fit mate'
'P-perhaps you should go with Crystal instead?'
'We need your big brain when we get to the files'
Edwin's like - well I have a solution for that 'Carry a mirror in your bag?'
Charles winces
'Edwin, mate, ah....this isnt a place where you take a girl...if you know what I mean?'
'Its dangerous?'
'Not exactly'
'Its either Crystal and Niko go as a team or you and me...do you get it now?'
'Charles!!' he hisses 'Did you not consider this information pertinent before we were almost at the venue???'
Asidian
RIP Edwin, his poor dead heart can't take this :>a
Kaciart
Charles ends up being way more convincing that he thought he would be
because his eyes can not stay away from that strip of skin
Asidian
....fair, honestly
Charles out here learning some things about himself >>
Crystal is helping :>a
Kaciart
her and niko built some pinterest boards
Charles is just a dude bro gay
They figured he'd pass well as that version
Asidian
Girls, please. The missed opportunity. You could have put him in a mesh shirt and given Edwin a heart attack
smh
Kaciart
they need a functioning Edwin xD
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veggiesxxx · 1 month ago
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POV: You spend time with a guy "behind their back." (Part 2/4)
(reader is NOT cheating!!)
ft. Jealousy, fluff,
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Sylus
Your phone buzzed, interrupting your conversation with your friend.
"And then, it started charging up it's attack-"
"Ugh, sorry. Somebody's spamming me." you mumbled, rolling your eyes, reaching to turn your phone over on the table, screen face down so you wouldn't have to look at the relentless messages.
"As I was saying-"
You tried to continue, only to hear your notifications blow up even faster, the buzzing incessant. You were convinced that if you didn't reply, your phone would combust in the middle of the café.
"Sorry. I've got to check this," you sighed, picking up your phone, lazily going to see who was the contact spamming you relentlessly.
"Sweetie who is that." "Is he bothering you?" "sweetie?" "Are you hurt? is he threatening you." "Y/N." "If u dont reply im coming over" "Why did you turn ur phone around." "Kitten who is he?"
Scrolling through the barrage of texts, your brows furrowed, immediately becoming suspicious. Sylus? How did...
You looked up, gazing intently at any pipes on the ceiling or dark corners a certain mechanical spy could be hiding. Knowing Sylus, and what to look for, it made finding the problematic Mephisto a lot easier. Your frown deepened, as the bird noticed you glaring at it. As if sensing your glare, the robot flapped its wings, cawing loudly. A customer walked into the café at that moment, and the bird cawed a final time, making it's presence known, returning your glare before taking the chance to fly out the open door before the owner chased it out. Poor man who walked in had to duck the diving 'bird' as it soared into whatever shadows outside.
After witnessing that 'spectacle', you turned your attention back to the phone in your hands, immediately tapping your thumbs on the screen, sending a reply to the spammer.
"Sylus? Why are you suddenly spying on me- in Linkon??" "I saw Mephisto. How long have you been watching me?" "No! Don't come!! I'm fine!"
You started to panic, heart sinking, frantically texting back so Sylus didn't appear and do something drastic-
"It's a bit too late for that, kitten. look up."
'What-?" You didn't get to snap out of the baffled daze before you felt a hand on your shoulder, and a rather threatening, unmistakable presence towering over you. You froze up, embarrassed that he was having this fit in front of your friend.
You glanced up at the Onychinus's big boss, your gaze following his— which was locked dangerously onto the man sitting opposite you.
"Sweetie, let's go." He snapped his eyes back onto you, his voice laced with not-so-subtle possessiveness and suppressed irritation, not leaving much room for argument. Sylus was obviously in one of his 'fits'.
Sighing, you shook your head in exasperation, getting up. You quickly apologised to your friend, shooting him a "sorry about him" glance. Sylus didn't wait for your pleasantries to be exchanged. In his eyes, getting you away from the other man was something to be done immediately.
Once outside the café, pulled by the hand, you confronted Sylus for his abrupt interruption of your peaceful lunch. "Seriously? You couldn't have waited for my answer? I replied in less than 5 minutes..."
"You turned the phone over." He asserted, like it was some important evidence. He crossed his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow, not a hint of any teasing smirk on his face. This was serious, you noted mentally. In your head, it wasn't a big deal– he'd seen you flip the phone over multiple times when notifications became too annoying– but if he actually felt that this situation was significant...
"I did. Still, you know it's nothing- I do it all the time."
"Not to me. You always answer."
That.. was true. You never did ignore his messages.
"But you turned me away. For him." He continued, and you could swear you've never seen him so serious. Never.. not since your first meeting. "I thought something happened. Mephisto doesn't record audio." his voice was low, however, it couldn't hide the trace of vulnerability. Like he was trying to pretend he was this concerned because he thought you were unsafe with an unarmed man, rather than just afraid of losing you.
"Nothing happened, I'm fine, Sylus." you murmured, putting your hand over his, uncrossing his arms for him. You gently squeezed his hand, not really wanting to let him off the hook yet. "He's my friend. Just a friend,"
"Friend or not. He can't have what's mine.'
Your cheeks flushed, not expecting him to express or even acknowledge his own feelings so openly. You didn't look up at him, and he was glad for that- so he could hide his red ears.
"Overprotective, much?"
His solemn eyes raised, missing their usual glimmer of mirth, meeting yours, tilting his head, and a piece of his hair bobbed against his forehead.
“Call it what you want, sweetie. I'll always be here to watch over you.”
Despite yourself, you couldn’t help but smile. As infuriating as Sylus could be, his unwavering devotion had a way of making you feel safe—even when he went overboard.
“Fine, fine,” you gave in with a sigh. “But next time, just call me instead of sending your creepy bird, or yourself.”
Sylus’ smirk came back faintly, more like a relieved smile. “No promises.”
"I'm proud of you, though, kitten. You spotted Mephisto faster than I thought you would. How'd you learn that?"
"Yeah.. because all pipes have glowing red eyes.." you said, sarcasm slipping out.
"...Wait. Did you say next time?" His gaze grew more intense, eyeing you down.
"No next time. I'll snap his neck." He hissed, gripping your hand tighter in his.
"You keep those sharp eyes on me, sweetie. Where they belong."
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧༶
Hope you enjoyed!! Pls leave a note if u liked yay
Next :
╰┈➤ Zayne/Xavier (Part 3/4) -voted below-
Previously :
╰┈➤ Rafayel (Part 1/4)
A/N: I don't know if this is too long lmao
Tags: @cordidy @liz9898 @crystalfay
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qwimblenorrisstan · 2 months ago
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Hey guys the Worms are coming back so I’m having thoughts,
tw: a/b/o dynamics, major angst no aftercare, panic attacks, past abuse, military
I love the stories where the 141 (in a/b/o context) are all alphas or a mix, but I also haven’t seen much of them being all omegas, which I think would really make sense.
Imagine it, omegas are more sensitive to their surroundings I think, with sharper instincts and reaction time imo, and they’re probably smaller than the stereotypical alpha so they can move faster. They can stay relatively calm under pressure and suppressants deal with the issue of a heat. I’ve always more imagined the 141 as four omegas, but four that stand out, and are used to criticism from people not in the military that don’t understand their team bonds.
So imagine they one day get news of a new transfer onto their team (maybe replacing soap as he’s recovering from his bullet wound HES NOT DEAD MW3 NEVER HAPPENED) and they’re not worried until they’re told it’s an alpha. An American alpha, too, if I let this get really self indulgent. Americans are loud and proud and annoying, so they fear the worst, you could throw off their team bonds, or make fun of them, or mess up their missions, etc, etc.
But in this imaginary world imagine that omegas also have more societal power than alphas, not physical power though, and you happened to be a victim of alpha-abuse. So what if the alpha that comes is shockingly quiet despite your imposing height and strength, and even looks nervous. The 141 would be absolutely ready for a brawl, I think, scents stinking up the room, only for you to stiffen as your nose stings from the potent mix of scents.
They’d observe you the entire time of the initial scenting, your stiff posture, uncomfortable behavior, and most of all the odd texture and scarring of your scent gland on your neck. Not unusual in your line of work.
After that, they made it clear you were an afterthought.
They wouldn’t let you get them food in the mess, or let you enter their shared nesting area, or even linger in Price’s office. If you covered them on a mission they’d nip at you or give you little low growls. They didn’t like the change to it, having to adjust, or just wanted to prove that they didn’t need an alpha, especially not to replace Soap.
You were trying. You knew you had to work your ass off for their respect and trust, and you were trying so hard. They didn’t seem to care.
Before they’d met you, they’d never thought that an alpha could have anything similar to a distress, nothing even close to the physical and psychological damage and pure stress someone had to be put through to reach that point. That was, until, one day when Ghost yanked you down to his scent gland to take a whiff when you ask how he covers the gunpowder from missions in his scent (spoiler: he doesn’t) and you just completely…freak out.
Shoving him away, eyes wide and looking through him, heart rate and breathing too fast. You’d absolutely booked it to your lone, sterile room that was the opposite of their cozy nest. It had taken a good hour just for Price and the rest to drag a medic and find out what the hell was wrong, only for you to be diagnosed with “Cane Baker Condition”,
“It’s, essentially, a form of PTSD related to a secondary gender, or experiences with one in a negative light. Think like a panic attack that lasts until their body is convinced they’re safe. Keep them out of bright light, away from loud noises or anything triggering for them, and give them some recognizable items from the nest, and they’ll snap out of it.”
It was then that they’d realized you had no recognizable items. Because they’d not let you even have a chance to enter their nest, and here they were now. You, lying underneath your piss poor bed in a pitch black room with one blanket in a sad mockery of a nest for comfort, getting as close to a panicked whimper that an alpha could between every breath.
Now they had to figure out how to earn your trust and respect, especially after they’d given absolutely none to you, neglected and abused you, for weeks.
should I make this a series?? (midterms are almost over so I’ll be more active soon, so far I’ve passed all of them!)
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
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hcneymooners · 28 days ago
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⋆ woman of my dreams, don't betray me.
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wife!ambessa x wife!reader. men & minors dni.
synopsis: you and ambessa are wives, and your parents have come to visit the two of you. everything will be fine, or would've been if you mother hadn't brought up her desire for grandchildren.
cw: angst, angst with a happy ending, wife!ambessa, wife!reader, age difference, older woman/younger woman, sfw but suggestive content, emotional hurt/comfort, you're a little bit of a crybaby, anxiety attacks, discussions of children and pregnancy.
notes: i hate this so much, but ce la vie hmm? this is a drabble.
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“Sweet girl, don't bite your nails. You'll be so upset later.”
“You'll just give me the money to get them done,” you mutter. 
Still, your hands lower from your mouth to tremble yet again over the dinner you've painstakingly made.
Ambessa moves behind you, her presence steady and warm against your back. Her hands settle on your shoulders, thumbs working small circles into the knots that have been building there all day. You lean into her touch despite yourself, despite the anxiety that makes you want to vibrate out of your skin.
“Will this occur before or after you protest against me giving you too much?”
A laugh slips out of you before you can stop it, and you turn to slide your arms around her neck. You take in the strong line of her jaw, the crooked set of her lips with it’s thin stripe of golden jewlery in the middle. You thumb at it, face flushing slightly as she nips at the tip of your finger.
“My nails have yet to cost five hundred dollars, Bessa.”
“I include the tip.”
“I must be incredibly generous.”
“You are,” she hums, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Besides, you never think of tax.”
“Tax?” You say in disbelief. “What tax would they be adding that costs that much? Honestly, Bessa.”
“You never know,” she says with a slow smile. “They could swindle you very easily. You have such a trusting nature.”
“You’re ridiculous,” you tell her, cupping her face.
"Talk to me," she says, and her voice carries that gentle authority that first drew you to her. You turn away, your attempts at misleading her thwarted. "Is it your mother again?”
You stiffen under her hands. "Among other things." The roast in front of you blurs slightly. 
You can picture her expression without turning around - that careful neutrality she wears when she's processing something that angers her. It's the same look she gets in meetings when someone has said something particularly stupid.
"And what did you say to her?"
"Nothing. I deleted it. I’ve never been any good at convincing her to leave me alone." You pull away from her hands to adjust a perfectly arranged plate for the third time. "It's easier than explaining. Than having the same argument over and over about how I'll change my mind, how I just haven't met the right person yet." You pause, throat tight. "As if you're not..."
"As if I'm not what?" There's an edge to her voice now, not angry but intent. When you don't answer, she gently turns you to face her. "Look at me, little dove."
You do, though it hurts. She's beautiful in the warm kitchen light, silver hair gleaming, dark eyes fixed on yours with an intensity that still makes your heart skip even after all this time. You see the question in them and can't bear to answer it.
"The table still needs-"
"The table is perfect. You're being avoidant."
A laugh bubbles up, slightly hysterical. "Isn't that what I do best?"
"No." Her hand cups your cheek. You can smell her: blonde wood, vetiver, pink pepper, dry vanilla. "What you do best is love fiercely and completely. And we agreed that that meant being honest with one another.”
She titls your head up, presses a thumb against your pulse. The action makes you almost confess the words that crowd your throat, threatening to spill out:
I'm terrified you'll realize I can't give you the family you deserve. That one day you'll look at me and see all the things I'm not, all the things I can't be. That you'll regret choosing someone so much younger, so much less certain of their place in the world. That my mother is right and I'm being selfish, denying you something fundamental.
But before you can voice any of it, the doorbell rings. Your whole body goes rigid. Your hands come to your sides and you’re back to shaking, neck burning with sudden stress. 
“I’ll get the door,” you say.
Your voice is rasping, as if you’ve swallowed down endless snakes of smoke.
‧₊˚ ⋅  𓐐𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅ 
Dinner is excruciating. Your mother talks about your cousin's new baby, about how wonderful motherhood looks on her, about how she's "simply glowing." You push food around your plate and feel Ambessa's concerned glances, even as she masterfully deflects conversation toward politics, toward her work, toward anything else.
But with each deflection, you can feel her growing more tense beside you - the way she sets her wine glass down with just a fraction more force, how her knife scrapes against the china with military precision.
"But really," your mother says, wine glass tilting dangerously in her hand, "I just don't understand why you two haven't started trying yet. Ambessa, dear, you must want more children? And you're not getting any younger-"
The fork clatters from your hand. "Mother."
You can feel your body pulsing with that sick warmth that comes with the rush of tears. You’re boring a hole through the dining room table with your gaze, eyes growing large and wet. If you were a lamb, you’d be bleating except your mother is the wolf so who will be the one to save you? 
Beside you, Ambessa goes perfectly, terrifyingly still. The kind of stillness that precedes a storm, that makes the hair on the back of your neck rise. You can see her hand flat against the table, the metal of her rings catching the light, and you know without looking that her face has taken on that marble-smooth expression that makes junior officers quake in their boots.
"I'm only giving you something to think about, my love. I’ve been you before. You think you have so much time, you know? It’s just—you've always been so good with kids, sweetheart. Remember how you used to babysit for the Hendersons? And Ambessa's children turned out so well-"
"Stop." Your voice comes out strangled. "Please."
Ambessa's hand sneaks under the table to grasp your thigh. The touch is slightly grounding but you can feel the tremor in her fingers - not from fear, but from restraint. You know she wants you to look at her, but then you'll really begin to lose it.
You'll spill over, right into her lap, because she always could unlatch your body in ways you thought were only for other people.
You catch the slight movement of her jaw, the way she swallows whatever cutting remark she wants to make. Because this is your mother, and Ambessa—for all her power, all her authority, because of the love—is letting you handle this your way. But the tension in her body screams of fury, of a woman forced to watch her beloved take wounds she can't deflect.
"I don't see why you're being so sensitive about this. It's a natural progression-"
"Natural?" You're standing now, though you don't remember deciding to. "Natural is me not wanting to vomit every time someone mentions me being pregnant. Natural is not having a panic attack every time you send me another fertility clinic link or baby clothes or-" Your voice breaks. "I can't. I can't do this."
You flee, ignoring your mother's startled "Well!" and your father's awkward attempt to change the subject. You're halfway up the stairs before the tears start properly, and by the time you reach your bedroom, you can barely see. The door locks behind you with a satisfying click.
You stumble to the vanity, clutch blindingly at your hair to yank out the pins. You feel out of control, your hands sliding up your neck and over your face.
A sob slips out despite you clutching your fingers over your mouth, and you press at your stomach until you feel the urge to dispel the mixture of your decayed dinner and acid that sits within it.
The bed. You need to be under the bed. It's childish and ridiculous but it's where you used to hide when things got too much, and right now everything is too much. You curl up in the darkness there, pressed against the wall, and try to remember how to breathe.
Time passes. You hear murmured voices downstairs, the front door opening and closing. Footsteps on the stairs - Ambessa's, you'd know them anywhere.
"Little dove?" A gentle knock. "Let me in?"
"It's unlocked," you manage, voice thick.
The door opens. A pause.
"Are you under the bed?"
"...yeah."
Another pause. Then, to your utter astonishment, you hear grunting and turn to find Ambessa - your tall, dignified, warrior-queen wife - attempting to squeeze herself under the bed frame.
"What are you doing?" you ask, hiccuping between tears and startled laughter.
"Coming to get you," she says, voice strained as she wriggles forward. "Though I'm beginning to think this bed was not built for someone of my size."
"You're going to get stuck."
"Then we'll be stuck together." She finally manages to get next to you, though she has to lie completely flat to fit. "Hello, sweet girl."
A rush of gratitude floods you and you press forward, drawing her into a soft kiss. She deepens it, sliding a large hand underneath your thigh and holding you to her. You part with a soft, slick noise. 
“You’re always meeting me where I am, even when you don’t understand,” you tell her. “Literally.” 
You gesture weakly at the whole predicament. The absurdity of it - Ambessa Medarda, covered in dust bunnies, cramped under a bed - breaks something in you. 
"I have this terrible secret inside me, and it’s that I feel so—so sick when I think about being a mother," you blurt out. The words slide out of you, like maggots from a rotting body. "Not—not your children, I love them, but being one myself. Having them. I can't. I won't. And I know you must want- but I can't, I just can't, please don't leave me.” You begin to sob again. “Please, Bessa. Please don’t leave me. Please. Plea-”
"Shh." She pulls you closer, awkward in the confined space but no less tender for it. You tuck your head into her neck as she soothes you. "Shh, my love. I'm not going anywhere."
"But-"
"I have two children," she says firmly. "Two wonderful, grown children who I love dearly. I have never once thought about having more. What I want - all I want - is you. Happy. Whole. Exactly as you are."
You're crying again, but differently now. "Really?"
"Really." She strokes your hair, rocking you as best she can in the tight space. "Though I would very much like to have this conversation somewhere with fewer dust bunnies."
You laugh wetly into her shirt. "Sorry."
"Don't be. I would crawl under a thousand beds for you. Even into a grave." She kisses your forehead. "But perhaps we could move on top of this one? My back is not what it used to be."
"You’re really not getting any younger," you quip, the onslaught of relief making you giddy.
"Watch it, little dove." But she's smiling - you can hear it in her voice. "Now come out before we really do get stuck."
“What if we stayed here forever,” you whisper, “and you never let me go?”
She releases you, then shimmies out from the crawl space. Gently, she curls a hand around your ankle and pulls you out with a sharp yank. You gasp as you emerge from your hiding space, hair spilling around you and your dress rucked up just enough to display your panties.
Ambessa leans over, drags the dress further up until she can kiss the swell of your breasts. She looks up you, face ever-calculating.
“I will never release you,” she finally says. 
It should scare you, the clear promise, but it doesn’t. You lead her hand to your throat, just to hold it there, and smile instead.
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