#I can’t believe myself sometimes XD

[inumbrapugnabimus-maybe]

Doodles?!!?!?’cn

Here you are!!

I needed to get the first one off my chest but I gave you the second one as recompense

Again,

I apologize for this.

My brain does weird things at night

[klspacecadet]

would you guys read a fic that has like no emotion in it… I’m tryna write something and I’m STRUGGLING to write the emotions and not have the mc be completely apathetic

like it lowk sounds like an essay but I can’t help it, I literally think in essay format xD I’m also extremely apathetic myself so I’m not good with emotions… I’m autistic cut me some slack idk what emotions are and neither does keith soo cope he’s completely deadpan and neutral 95% of the time now I can’t help it

Keith is proudly Not A Furry. He isn’t a therian, either, so don’t try to be clever. A furry, by dictionary definition, is a person who identifies with and enjoys sometimes dressing as anthropomorphic animals or creatures. This is not Keith. A therian, which Keith similarly is not, is a person who identifies as a non-human animal on an integral, personal level. Keith does not believe himself to be an animal, nor does he want to be. He is completely content in his humanity, he bears no unusual affinity towards animals and he’s fine with that. Unfortunately, though, Keith possesses the ability to turn into a cat; the reason for the adamant denial of his ‘furriness’. It’s not particularly earth-shattering, more akin to an odd trick one might show off at a party — interesting, perhaps, but hardly worthy of a spotlight. Despite what one may assume, he doesn’t hate this; he simply accepts it as another facet of himself, and therefore uses this ability when he deems it prudent. However, life aboard the castleship offers Keith few opportunities to transform without attracting attention. On Earth, he relished in his freedom to shift as he pleased, seamlessly blending into the background — his tendency to be overlooked granting him the freedom to embrace that part of himself. Now, one of seven, unlikely to be misplaced, Keith feels the craving more than ever; yet he refuses to give in, stubborn in his resistance of his own nature.

would yall read a fic that starts with this yes or no

not to worry this would immediately be followed by a scene tho

[teecupangel]

Hello. I started playing Unity some days ago. And I see my brother plays AC II sometimes (when him is not playing a terror game)

So...

What happens if the past protagonist are conscious about the Animus (on the case of Unity and others, the Helix)

Like. They knows the glitches (or the real games) and... Like Ezio can interact or talk with Desmond since the start. Or directly Desmond posees the bodies of his ancestors or something like that?

I don't know. I asked myself after thinking how would Arno react to the broken simulation of the Belle Epoque.

So... What are your ideas about it?

I have a feeling we have something similar before but it was focused on Desmond’s ancestors so we’ll focus this on Arno since you’re playing Unity XD

We’ll include Edward because I just imagine that he’ll start seeing the Animus interface after getting washed ashore with some stranger who is strangely too aggressive.

He doesn’t see it yet though because he was too focus chasing after said stranger and the first time he actually noticed the interface is after wearing the Assassin robes.

So, Edward being a pirate, assumed that the clothes (or the man’s death) had cursed him. XD

Arno, on the other hand, saw the interface when he was just a child. He thought it wasn’t anything weird, just curious what it was.

Then his father died and the ‘floaty things’ went away.

When he saw the ‘floaty things’ once more, he remembered them immediately. After learning that François de la Serre died, he starts to believe that the interface remaining even after his father figure died meant that there was still another death that he would have to experience.

And there was only one more person he could think of…

Élise.

(Arno is just going ‘what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck’ during the times he’s transported into different eras. He knows he should really think about what the fuck is happening but everything is pushed to the side to make sure Élise is safe)

Oh man. I just thought about Arno doing multiplayer mode and being paired with strangers. Like… Arno can’t exactly see their faces and some of them were wearing such… innovative color combinations. The players who join with Arno for these multiplayer parts assume he’s just a quiet gamer.

But also the angst part of this entire thing with the interface disappearing after Élise died and he’d avenge her.

Only for it to appear once more during the Dead King DLC.

There’s no one else left to herald the words of death.

Unless…

Maybe it was his turn now?

[hive-sight]

Changes 3 and Authorization

Sentients, greetings and gratitudes! This one has news!

Lumina has come to this one and has expressed an interest in pursuing first contact with the Terrans of Sol-3 sometime in the near future. Lumina stresses that, were it not for Raxor showing them Terran media of encounters with extra-planetary entities, that the contact would likely be immediate.

This is a pronounced change in Lumina that this one had not expected! Jumping into the research as they did, this one had expected first contact to be approaching, however, for Lumina to take the concerns of their crewmate into consideration… It is simply unlike any Thalorix behavior this one has seen. It is… refreshing.

On a more personal note, Lumina has started incorporating Terran mannerisms into their speech and body language. They have begun gesticulating with their primary arms, crossing their secondary arms at about the middle of their torso. They have begun referring to themselves as “I” as the Terrans do.

That there is no issue with this must be stressed. It is a logical step to take in the effort of making the eventual meeting with the Terrans go peacefully. Matching actions and speech with a sentient is the typical step taken in order to begin building relations. It just typically takes a more significant amount of time.

Following will be the transcript of the crew meeting in which Lumina approved first contact.

—Transcript Start—

Elysia:       The date is 4682C 4A 6L, time is one quarter Xylopthia rotation. The assigned Thalorix, Lumina has called the crew together to discuss first contact. Absent is the assigned Xyndri, Voxen. Present are, the assigned Ithorin, Elysia, the assigned Valkorin, Raxor, and the assigned Thalorix, Lumina. This one now passes control of the meeting to Thalorix Lumina.

Lumina:     I thank you Ithorin Elysia. As you have, no doubt, noticed, I have delved deep into my own research of the sentients of Sol-3. While you, Elysia, sought to find how they had become what they are, and you, Raxor, sought to identify any threat they may pose, I investigated who they are. What separates them from us, and what separates one of them from any other one.

*Lumina places the hand of one of their primary arms on the juncture between their abdomen and thorax*

Lumina:     Obviously, given their lack of biological castes, finding this degree of difference between individuals was difficult. Outside of varying changes in color, the Terrans do heavily resemble each other.

Raxor:       By the Queen’s left wing is that an understatement! Can’t tell one from the next myself!

Lumina:      Valkorin Raxor, please.

Raxor:       Apologies Thalorix.

Lumina:     My conclusion may seem… controversial. Please hold any questions until my explanation has finished. When I look at humanity as, instead of a species, but as a singular caste, I find the differences in individuals to be nearly identical to the differences between any two members of the same caste of our own species. Elysia, you rather enjoy combing over cycles of data correct?

Elysia:       Correct. This one finds such data analysis to be soothing.

Lumina:     But Ithorin Permisia does not. Also correct?

Elysia:       Permisia does tend to enjoy a more ‘up close’ approach yes. Prefers to be on-site to make new discoveries.

*Lumina dips their antennae*

Lumina:     Terrans are much the same.

—Transcript End—

This one believes that Lumina is trying to convey that the crew should begin looking at Terrans at more of an individual level. But this one is unsure. Please, if any of you Sentients have a perspective, inform this one. This one could not bear to be the reason for the failure of this mission.

In addition, if any among you have questions, this one would be happy to answer.

On this, XD 4682C 4A 7L, TD 17th of June, 2030, Elysia of Xylopthia is looking forward to more glorious interaction, and signing off.

[hacked-by-jake]

The new game is taking forever, I wish it would release already 😭 I know they're making it better but it's hard waiting until the end of 2023 and now sometime in 2024 😮‍💨 I miss my antisocial hacker husband

Yep, can relate a lot. I miss him so bad. It's truly hard.

Well, but I believe it won't take much longer until the release. I mean, they expected to be able to release it at the end of 2023. So, I think they were almost done. The problem was, as say said, not everything was working the it's supposed to work. So I think what they have to do is to improve some coding and etc etc etc. For example, making the mini games work better. Etc. And, I like to remember myself - Dan, Cleo and Thomas already played the first episode. So, it's playable but probably with little bugs. And looking for bugs, as you might know, is pain in the ass. xD

I can’t estimate how long it will take, but I just hope that we will get more news soon. I'm even sure we will get news soon. Keeping my fingers crossed for it.

I really need to know what happened to Jake. I miss him. I need to know how the relationship will go after the last chat with him. If things change or if they will just be as usual but with some romance in between. I want hackerman back. 🥲

Btw, it's always a pleasure to see you here. 💚

So, let's end this ask with a little, reassuring moonvale reminder from Jake, shall we? ;)

[cocogum]

I'm sad the great wave volume is over and eager for the next. But I think I enjoyed following through your commentary more than actually getting the story xD

So, thanks for that.

I’ve been giggling at ur comment for two minutes now 🥰🥰

DON’T TELL ME NICE THINGS, MY JAW’S ABOUT TO POP OFF FROM SMILING TOO MUCH-

But in all seriousness, your lovely comment means more than you’ll ever know.

Every Thursday when a new chapter was uploaded, I found myself re-reading it repeatedly. I had to carefully organize my thoughts to articulate them clearly and in a logical order for others to easily follow. I also had to screenshot every panel I needed to reference in order to illustrate my points.

I often have to combine two or three panels into one using Picsart on my phone because Tumblr only allows 10 images and 30 images on the website. This way, I can avoid discarding or wasting any of the images I want to share. Additionally, I sometimes use ibisPaint X to cover up certain parts in images where I cropped them and it affected the appearance of the eyes.

But don’t get me wrong, despite going through this hell every Thursday night, the chapters were a joy to read, and I enjoyed reflecting on them while considering how to approach discussing them.

In short, it was hell but I enjoyed the full process 💖

But it’s obviously not over for the great wave series lol

Since the physical copy of the first volume featured 5 chapters (the 10 webtoon episodes got fused into 5 chapters), this means that we’re only at the very beginning of the Great Wave manga’s story. (I can’t believe we’re still at the beginning even though it feels like we’re already in deep shit 💀)

Tot pretty much confirmed on Twitter that there will be around 100 chapters to prepare for.

That means I’m aware we’ll see much more mature themes (*cough* chapter 1 *cough*) and much more graphic content (*cough* possible horrid assassination of the royal osamodas family *cough* no I am not delusional).

That means I’m aware I’ll have to keep this whole commentary thing going about a hundred times 😄🤭😁

But to know that you enjoyed my commentary more than the story is just-

Wow??? I am speechless???

Like-

What do I even say to that??

I get that the story gave us a huge weekly migraine cuz of the chicken and gorilla but omg???

I am genuinely happy that I made your migraine bearable throughout those weeks, thank you so so much for telling me 😭💖

Just the thought of knowing that you liked them makes me wanna bash some blue animals again 👹👹

I hope you’re having a wonderful day/evening/night imatekuani 💖💖💖

(I see you got a King pfp 👀 ur even more amazing for having good taste ✨💕💕 I’m also pissed disney had to end the owl house earlier than expected)

[frodo-with-glasses]

Discord Highlights: Hobbit Babies

This discussion got very chaotic very quickly lol but I've done my best to sort it all by category. Enjoy!

Topic One: Sam's Kids

InvisibleWashboard:

If I’m allowing myself the privilege of indulging in AU where Frodo doesn’t leave, I often imagine Elanor calls him [Fro]. But she is the only one who is allowed to.

meg is me:

"Fwo" Frodo, lifting a cup in his hand: "throw?" "No! Fwo!"

novelmonger:

I've been imagining Elanor calling him "Unca Fodo."

And then there's "Unca Mewwy" and "Pip-Pip." (Pippin tries to get her to call him Uncle too, but it doesn't work. He's not Unc-y enough 😂)

InvisibleWashboard:

Stop it I’m dying from cuteness.

meg is me:

Can you imagine when elanor was born and sam was like all tender and amazed and he was like "lets call him frodo" and rosie was like. She's a girl, Sam And Sam was like..... so excited to name his son frodo that he forgot it might not be a son XD

Me:

I love that he canonically didn’t even consider that she MIGHT be a girl until she came out as one 🤣🤣 “We were all set to name him Frodo! But, well, ah. He’s a she. :-C”

meg is me:

I love sam Bless sam

I desperately hope that Sam's son Bilbo was 10x worthy of the name 😂

Me:

Bilbo Gamgee was an utter gremlin

Writing Valkyrie:

He just recites poetry to get out of punishment. Sometimes it works.

meg is me:

"First he's robbing the pantry. Next he'll be robbing dragons- THAT'S MY WEDDING RING"

Me:

Bilbo Jr. tells his friends about how he, too, won his ring in a game of wits against a nasty, ugly creature while Sam is over there waiting for him to give his wedding band back like >:-C

meg is me:

Better yet His older siblings And they half believe him because quote "Daddy is rather ugly" and Elanor gets SO offended on dear old Sam's behalf

Elanor could be overheard hugging her dad and saying "don't worry you're very handsome" Sam just laughs

Me:

“Well your mother thinks I’m handsome, and that’s all that matters ;-)” Cue the chorus of “EWWW”

Windmill to the Stars:

100% something my dad would say XD

meg is me:

It's split between ewwww and awwww Bby frodo ships his dad and mom so hard and is ecstatic to learn that they have in fact gotten married to each other

Me:

“So you’ll be together?? FOREVER??” “Indeed we will, lad!” “8-D”

Frodo Jr. ships his mom and dad almost as hard as his namesake did

InvisibleWashboard:

So Frodo-lad is not the little boy who is disappointed when he learns he can’t marry Rosie when he grows up, but was baby Elanor initially devastated when Rosie had to tell her, “You can’t marry Sam-dad love, he’s already married to me.”??

Me:

Oh my word I love that ahaha Elanor is 100% a daddy's girl

Windmill to the Stars:

In the epilogue she calls him "Sam-dad"

InvisibleWashboard:

Sam-dad and Rose-mum just absolutely freaking melts my heart every time I think about it. I don’t know why.

meg is me:

He loves his family so so much

Me:

See I know it says in the epilogue that Frodo Jr. is the spitting image of Sam, but part of me can’t help imagining that he looks like Elijah Wood’s Frodo… Brown curly hair and all that

meg is me:

Speaking of facts disproved by the appendices but true in my bones Merry and Pippin Gamgee are twins

Me:

oh my word I love that

InvisibleWashboard:

I like that this is true in your bones and not in your heart. Because the heart is fickle and can be changed by things like canon. Bones are more stubborn. Sometimes not even canon can break them.

meg is me:

I adore that they aren't named Meriadoc and Peregrin but rather Merry and Pippin Sam took his dad's advice to heart- if you give them a short name you don't need to worry about nicknames Guess old Gaffer learned from needing to shorten his son's names to Ham, Sam, etc

Me:

“I’m not giving my boys those fru-fru gentlehobbit names, they’ll have short names like sensible folk”

meg is me:

Pippin casually mentions to Sam if it's a boy maybe we'll name him Aragorn Strider Elessar, Gorn for short And sam is an inch away from taking custody of Pippin's unborn child

Me:

HAHAHA PIPPIN NO

Topic Two: Merry's Kids

InvisibleWashboard:

I head canon Merry being that way with his kids only he desperately wants a girl so he can name her Eowyn.

meg is me:

Merry has Boromir, Eomer, and like 3 other sons before baby Eowyn comes into the world

Me:

Would Merry even feel worthy of naming a son Theoden?? I feel like he’d want to, but…

meg is me:

Ok but bby Theo With his little curls

InvisibleWashboard:

Theodoc.

meg is me:

Theodocuments

Me:

THEODOC I LOVE IT NO LISTEN I AM 100% ADOPTING THEODOC INTO MY BELIEF SYSTEM ‘CAUSE IT JUST F I T S

Windmill to the Stars:

Part of me wants Merry to half-jokingly ship his daughter Eowyn with Faramir Took. Partially just so he and Pip can share grandkids

Me:

There’s no canon evidence that to disprove that some OTHER pair of their children ended up getting married! X-D

Topic Three: Pippin's Kids

meg is me:

I wrote a fic where Pip had a daughter named Sable because my best friend at the time was named Sable and the only place the word sable was found in lotr was in regards to Pip's tower guard uniform

Me:

That's so sweet oh my word

meg is me:

Pippin in many ways will never mature and I love him for it I'm still stuck on him and diamond naming their kids the most obscure things after Merry stole all the Friend Names besides Faramir The tooks already sound Outlandish

Pippin and diamond would be that couple who wants to choose Unique baby names but their friends keep reining them in "Let's name him TREEBEARD" "hmm and Enta for a girl" Sam: do you HEAR YOURSELVES

Windmill to the Stars:

What nickname would Pippin give to his son Faramir?

Kasey Gondor:

Furry

Me:

Progressively shortened more and more until it’s just “Ra”

InvisibleWashboard:

Faramir refuses any and all nicknames anyone attempts to give him ever.

Windmill to the Stars:

Faramir is "Me, an Intellectual" from an early age XD

meg is me:

He started "courting" lil Goldilocks at age 7 and Sam wants to be mad but it reminds him so much of him and Rosie that he lets Faramir Took pick the flowers from his garden to give to his daughter

Goldilocks: daddy fair-meer picked MY flowers! 😄 Sam: ....we planted those together, sweetheart Sam: beyond pleased for you, lass

Me:

Sam sitting down with little Faramir Took and having a Very Serious Talk that if he intends to court sweet little Goldilocks he’ll have to be very kind and good and generous to her and always look out for her good above his own even if it’s hard and it hurts

Faramir was like 9, and all Sam was concerned about was Faramir pushing her and pulling her hair and stealing the berries out of her picnic basket, but it stuck

Years later, after the wedding, Faramir tells Sam that he’s never forgotten that talk and it absolutely changed his life and Sam is like “wot” cuz he’d forgotten all about it

InvisibleWashboard:

NO STOP IT THAT IS TOO CUTE

Windmill to the Stars (re: nicknames):

Ferry to rhyme with Merry, and lil Faramir HATES it

meg is me:

THIS IS CANON TO ME STARTING NOW

InvisibleWashboard:

That is so good I adore it!

meg is me:

Pippin: "hop in the cart fam we're going to Buckland" everyone looks at faramir Faramir: "don't" Pippin: "We're gonna go on the FERRY"

Me:

EYYYYYY

Merry, meanwhile, calls him Master Faramir, and this is why Merry is his favorite uncle

meg is me:

perfection

InvisibleWashboard is @invisiblewashboard, novelmonger is @novelmonger, Writing Valkyrie is @writingvalkyrie, Windmill to the Stars is @windmilltothestars, Kasey Gondor is @captaingondor, and meg is me does not have tumblr :-3

[enyalorenloa]

Hello I’m a content creator too but I have a weird question kinda? I’m in a weird situation is what u could say

So I have like a few drs I scripted and in every one of them I have my own face as my face claim bec I don’t feel like myself if I have a different face claim and I have that belief that my s/os in my dr/s won’t like me for who I am if I have any face claim other than my original face.

I guess I’m just attached to the identity of my own face and even if I sometimes like my face I always have this uncomfortable feeling identifying as this face iv had my whole life evne though I KNOW who I am is just my awareness and it’s not limited to my face I have in this reality but I can’t seem to “identify” myself as “me” if I choose to script my actual ideal face in my dr cause my own face isn’t obviously my dream face

I tried thinking about how I’m not my face but I can’t seem to believe it idk like i want to have an ideal face and Body claim(this applies to my body too) but I identify too much with my original looks

I don’t know if this is even understandable 😭 Help me?!

Hi! how are you? well, I'll tell you what I think, I'm really the opposite of you xD I don't identify myself at all with my body and appearance cr, I see it more as something temporary or temporary, I know that my real me (because I have three drs and in the three I have a different appearance and even a different gender) are those of my drs, I identify myself much more with my appearance and personality of my drs, so what you say about your s/o not loving you if you don't have your "original" face is something limiting and nonsense, because if you have read and researched things about reality shift, you will know that absolutely everything will be as you want, EVERYTHING, so if you write that your s/o will love you, he will do it no matter what you look like, because that has nothing to do, do you understand? it's supposed to be a reality that already exists and is as real as the cr, he already loves you with that appearance, he already knows you like that (I mean whatever appearance, personality, age or gender you choose to have), he always did, that already existed, by scripting you are simply selecting a real reality from all the infinite ones that exist, and besides, there is nothing "original", I really hate when someone says those things or sees the cr as "the original" when it's not like that at all. Of course you can stay with just one look, even the one you have now if that's what you really want, it's not mandatory to choose a desired face or anything else, everyone chooses what they want and like the most for their dr, if you identify more with your cr face than any other that's fine, there's nothing wrong with it, but you don't have to stick to any of this reality, as you mentioned yourself, you are really attached to your cr face. I advise you to try to detach and let it go, don't see it as "real" or "original", open yourself to new things, to new possibilities, because with that mentality I don't think you would even dare to manifest anything regarding your appearance, the best thing to do is to let it go. What you could do if you want, is that instead of choosing a desired face or thinking about your appearance cr, write that your appearance will be ideal for you, that it will be completely ideal, desired and perfect, that your subconscious will choose it for you and it will be perfect, that is what I write when I do not decide or I am not sure about something. Remember that you are still you no matter what you look like, try not to think about those negative things, if a limiting thought comes up that tells you that those desired faces are not you, ignore it. Think and imagine how amazing and great it will be to wake up one day with that face and body you always dreamed of having, absolute happiness. That's the important thing, don't think about it so much, have you heard of non-dualism, do some research on that, it's the best thing anyone can do, it completely changed my mentality, and if you already know it and it doesn't resonate with you, that's fine. Anyway, I hope I have helped you. If you want you can follow my shifting page, there I share and from time to time I also write about reality shifting.

[quillyfied]

Things I’m noticing on this rewatch, which I’m hoping to take slow and ponder on but we will see how it goes, PART FOUR (obviously major Good Omens season 2 spoilers throughout, specifically for S2E4)

- Lesi?

- Shax really does have creepy down pat.

- Aziraphale not sensing her, though. They really do play Calvinball with the rules of that, it seems.

- “You don’t seem his type at all” mirroring “I am so not your type” between Nina and Maggie last episode ;A; “you have no idea,” Maggie said. Aziraphale thinks. I weep.

- Sometime in the last 18, 19 years…would that have put them square in the “raising the Antichrist” years? Hang on. 4 years past the failed apocalypse…makes it 14…they were working on it for 11 years…no, that would put them before that, wouldn’t it? Wtf is that timing, Shax?

- “This Angel Gabriel, who I’ve never heard of” = “who’s Morales?”

- Shax really is the kind of infernally clever that’s perfect for tripping Aziraphale up when he’s already flustered and panicked. Love to see them interact.

- Opening theme detail today: one of the headstones reads Jane Austen. Wonder if the headstones change every episode too?

- “Here lies the former shell of Beelzebub” reads another, and “here lies Adam” with some text I can’t make out. Went back to the beginning of the graveyard bit now and “Peter Paintball”, and of course, “Every day.” If anyone gets good eyes on the Adam headstone, y’all gotta let me know.

- This episode’s theater feature: Nazi Zombie Flesheaters, with a still of the Nazis from s1 still alive. Nice.

- Seems odd to call the episode “The Hitchhiker” when it seems the literal hitchhiking is done by the time the opening credits roll. Time to refresh myself on why this episode might be called that.

- Did they reuse footage? Or reenact it?

- Yknow…none of the demons are wearing obvious animals this season. I think only Beelzebub, Hastur, and Ligur might have done it tbh.

- I love the details of Hell tbh. The fire cooler. The sheer number of Nazis. The way Shax moves so mechanically but so cool and collected.

- Does Shax actually have any higher demon ears? Or is she baiting Furfur? Hard to tell for her.

- Yknow the teeth aren’t helping in figuring out if Shax has an animal aspect.

- The besotted Aziraphale bit here. I cannot BELIEVE this all happens immediately post church bomb.

- Okay but the Nazis not disputing the fact that they belong in hell, just that they’re dead based on trickery. Nice.

- The tongue bit. Yuck.

- OKAY. Crowley has present day hair color for this adventure. That feels significant. Is this minisode a flashback?

- Okay the signage of Hell. Always a favorite. But the “heaven looks down on you” sign. Hmm. Bit odd.

- Ah. Because I couldn’t see the bottom half of it. “Because you’re…” something. Move it, Furfur XD

- Pathetic. “Heaven looks down on you because you’re pathetic.” …hmm. Still an interesting take, tbh.

- Happy to be in the probable minority that likes the zombies bit XD which is interesting bc I normally hate zombie fiction. They do it the way I like, though. They’re conscious and sentient in their zombieness.

- Also the brain repeating on him XD what a gloriously stupid and delightful detail

- And okay yeah the dead rising from the grave thing from Jimbriel’s prophecy and the Nazi zombies here feels like a big ole clue for s3. I’m Mormon so my upbringing around the Second Coming is probably weirder than other Christians but a big part of it for us is the emphasis on the resurrection of the dead, ALL the dead. Putting a properly macabre spin on it feels like a very Good Omens thing to do tbh.

- There’s the dirty donkey again! It DIDNT move, Crowley LITERALLY planned his heist ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE BOOKSHOP. I WORK IN SOHO I HEAR THINGS INDEED.

- David Tennant what is that voice XD

- Lots of emphasis on sleight of hand this…entire show :P it does make one suspicious of The Final Fifteen Minutes. But also I don’t want to rob them of their power? Because damn. DAMN.

- (The lip reading. It. I. I will wait for the end but GUH)

- He’s so pleased with himself for getting it right XD

- They are SO. IN. LOVE. KILL ME.

- Natural dexterity. Like the magic words, I’m waiting for that one to come true.

- The way Pat tries to have some integrity XD

- THE WAY AZIRAPHALE CASUALLY DROPS THAT HE HAS BOTH A FIREARMS LICENSE AND A DERRINGER. AZIRAPHALE ZIRAPHALE FELL, ARE YOU POSITIVE CROWLEY IS THE JAMES BOND ENTHUSIAST?

- More importantly, does he still have that???

- …does that mean Aziraphale’s fired a gun when Crowley hasn’t? What does this mean for the paintball gun bit? Does your derringer lend weight to a moral argument, Aziraphale??

- Hang on have to squeal for the way Aziraphale just grabs Crowley’s hand in both of his. So excited. So cute.

- HA, the wrong ring XD

- Sad to see Pat get eaten. But the framing of it is really cool actually.

- Fell the Marvelous. That poster. How in the heck.

- Aziraphale having stage fright tho.

- Jiggery pokery indeed XD

- EXPERIENCE USING FIREARMS. AZIRAPHALE THESE ARE SOLDIERS.

- Omg the miracle blocker is a punch card. The worldbuilding implications.

- I wonder at how hell would have taken Aziraphale handing Crowley a rifle tbh.

- “Aim for my mouth, shoot past my ear” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

- the way they’re both shaking and nervous. The camera itself shaking. CROWLEY shaking

- The feather boa. I WEEP. He’s so happy.

- I know the implication is that Crowley, like Jim, is missing his memories, but. Also. The idea that maybe Crowley is just terrible at remembering people who aren’t Aziraphale. Poor Furfur.

- The sleight of hand is very subtle. Which is the point. But also. Idk man people have said it better and apparently written 16k essays about it, I’m just proud of him for pulling it off.

- Okay but. But they’re zombies. Neil they’re zombies. Aziraphale and Crowley just let three Nazi zombies wander off Neil. NEIL. WHAT IS THE PLAN WITH THEM??

- Dagon is in top form this season tbh

- I CANNOT BELIEVE. THAT THE ONE NAZI REALLY CAN READ LIPS. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT. Peak comedy always.

- I got it right the time that mattered ;A;

- I knew you would come through for me. You always do.

- You said trust me.

- And you did.

- MURDER ME.

- ITS CHATEAUNEUF DU PAPE AGAIN ARE YOU KIDDING ME I AM ALREADY TRYING SO HARD NOT TO QUOTE THIS SCENE WORD FOR HECKING WORD

- “If you were truly as evil as you like to paint yourself” the levels of deep seated misunderstanding and flawed foundational concepts I’m CRY

- Though it’s AZIRAPHALE who brings up shades of grey. A glimmer of hope.

- Can someone who knows accents tell me what is going on with Shax’s

- Beelzebub’s thanks and “good work” as a discordant note, but also their command for Shax to take an army to attack the bookshop knowing full well she isn’t going to get that kind of support…wut.

- THE BENTLEY FOLLOWING AZIRAPHALE AFTER HE PATS IT. CROWLEY FEELS WHAT IT FEELS.

- Peter Anderson’s screen effects are my favorite thing.

- Hate to see the way Nina is so broken down by Lindsey tbh.

- Yeeeah…Crowley seems to be purposely living in his car tbh. Retreating directly to it. I can’t tell if Aziraphale never thought to offer cohabitation or if Crowley turned him down but my money is on they’ve never discussed it despite both of them thinking about it very loudly.

- A night to remember! Never bodes well.

Okay. That’s it for tonight. An episode that seems out of place but has many good tasty morsels and I think more than a smidge of s3 foreshadowing. Why is the episode called The Hitchhiker? Maybe for Furfur trying to climb the greasy pole of bureaucracy? For the Nazis hanging onto life? Literally just for the one part at the beginning that sets the whole climax into motion? Who knows???

[a-very-fond-farewell]

hello!!! i hope i'm not too late to ask about your original fiction wips!!! would love to hear more about them if you're comfortable with sharing 6: their titles are so suave!

ah! you do know how to prod where it hurts most xD (affectionate)! thank you for asking dear, you’re not too late at all! and also thank you for all the kind comments/tags/etc. that you sprinkled throughout my notifications today :D they really made my Saturday more bearable and I hope you are doing well yourself!

(more under the cut)

.

so. it’s not my first rodeo. I have written original fiction in the past but I was always unsatisfied with it and these 2 bad bois are no exception even if they are in their planning/draft phase.

mária of the moon (the ‘seas’ of the moon) is too personal for me to delineate in detail, bc it should be set in a city where I used to live in for a while so I can’t be too specific about that. but it’s basically the story of an unnamed and lonely narrator who steals someone else’s identity in order to be welcomed inside someone else’s home, where their weird little found family comes in. it’s inspired by a curious incident my mother told me about once or twice and, even if it will not be based on it specifically, it got me thinking for a long while.

the title is a play on words with the name Maria, but in the ‘maria’ of the title the accent is placed on the first syllable rather than the second one, as if to imply that sometimes a shift in perspective is needed in order to move on with the plot. it’s also a reference to a literary trope in my country’s history that traces back to the renaissance, where it’s believed that lost things happen to land on the moon somehow. since the majority of the lunar seas are gathered on the visible side of the moon, it may be appropriate to wonder if someone named Maria has gone missing and if they have, have they landed on the moon? or maybe their name has?

it’s a story about gender identity and grief, about lies and new families too. but also, somehow, about lobsters. and sculptures. angels and taxidermy. hallucinations and burnout. there’s magical realism and insanity. it’s a lot. I’ve mapped the plot in its entirety but I feel like I’m never alone and this kind of work requires a lot of self-isolation, I think, something I can’t afford right now and possibly wouldn’t handle too well if I really think about it. also, idk in which language I should write it: my native language or English. which is a problem bc I’m tempted to write both versions myself, but that requires even more time and I simply don’t have that right now.

Secular Games is far more difficult to approach. it’s something I came up with a couple of years ago while studying for an Ancient Roman History exam, in order to remember some dates, but now it’s mapped out and sometimes I still think about it xD

it’s set in 17BC and it’s the story of a legitimate (fictional) child of emperor Augustus with his first wife Claudia. in reality, the marriage has probably never been consummated and Claudia was very young at the time of their union. but in this scenario the marriage did result in an offspring even if Claudia was sent back to her family in the end, so that Augustus (then known as Octavian) could marry someone else. there are other circumstances surrounding Claudia’s family that explain the situation a bit better, but in the context of this project her child would grow not knowing of their true lieneage until something very dramatic happens to them and they swear revenge towards the man who caused so much suffering to them and their young mother by sending her back home long ago.

the main plot would then proceed to be framed by the Secular Games, a religious celebration that (through 3 days of sacrifices and games) allowed the entire population of Rome to celebrate the coming of a new era every 110 years or so. one of such celebrations was held in 17BC. our protagonist would find themselves traveling to Rome in order to get their revenge, but in order to do so they have to disguise themselves and join a group of misfits to reach their destination. each person has their agenda and reason to be there at that particular time, all coming from different social levels and whatnot, and even if the main focus of their adventure will see its climax in those fated 3 days.. I want their bond to be established in their journey to the capital somehow.

problem for this project being: I need a ton of research. like. a TON. it would not be 100% historically accurate, but I still want to do a somewhat decent job. language is also an issue here, bc i don’t think writing in English is the right way to approach this ambitious project. the main issue is.. this is a very immersive work. I need to eat and breath nothing but ancient Roman history for, possibly, 2 years for this to come to light. which is not ideal. maybe I’ll come back to it, maybe I’ll drop it, but for now I call dibs on this xD

.

thank you so much for your ask :D I hope you have a lovely weekend! see u soon :)

[please do not reblog or share]

[gray-morality]

We’re up to no good, ya want in?

■ Datacenter | Crystal – Balmung

■ Playtime | Approx. 6 pm to 10 pm EST

■ You must be 21+ | Mature themes RP

This is a rather specific kind of LFRP post. The goal is to find 2 or 3-ish (or more, who knows!) people to RP and plot with (alongside with my RP partner).  I (we) are open to plot or event ideas, character hooks, pre-established relationships/rivals, you name it. What we’re looking for:

Thavnair-centric - It doesn’t matter if your character is not Thavnairian or spend times outside the region; tbh our own “adventures” take us outside this nation regularly, but we always come back to Thavnair or, more specifically, we work FOR (the betterment of) Thavnair.

Morally gray - Don’t mistake this for evil; However, we’re not completely good either. Sometimes you have to bend the law, or walk carefully under it, in order to survive (or become the lesser of two evils). We try to help others, or ourselves, but life has a way to hand out lemons by the crates and making lemonade ain’t cheap.

Flight before fight - We tend to play more like civilians and a lot of our stories revolve around white collar crime. Not that our characters can’t handle being in a fight, but if it comes to that (and if the opportunity is there) I know of at least one of us that will try to run for it before engaging in combat >_>;;;; *cough* Hunting beasts and monsters, however, is something else entirely.

Lore compliance, realism and low power - This is our brand. We don’t want people who can solve everything single-handedly, who have enough IC wealth to buy off a whole residential district and pull all the favors, or can heal everything with the snap of their fingers. Where’s the fun in that? We like to eat dirt, chew it and spit it out (not for all three meals mind you, it lacks proteins).

Love for writing - And we mean that in the broadest possible way. It includes plotting, writing events and stories for our characters. They can be very centric to one or many characters - we’re all about character development - or to a group (we have Jijivisha). If you just want to sit and enjoy the chocobo ride, look elsewhere, ‘cause we ain’t even got any chocobos.

The small prints

■  Our RP style is turn-based para/multi-para and, speaking for myself, I’m not especially a fast typer AND English is not my native tongue (so I sometimes get stuck on a word or another and it gives 5 more minutes of waiting on my post xD)

■ We RP mature themes; and by that we don’t mean hosting orgies every weekend. As we roleplay characters of gray morality and part of the criminal world, harsh language and swearing (especially Fakhri), gambling (ehh Fakhri’s bread and butter lol), heavy use of alcohol (coughtFakhricough), smoking legal and not so legal substances (Guess who?), drugs (Starts with an F) and violence are all part of that package. We obviously respect people’s boundaries if a topic is sensitive for them. Also if you haven’t noticed, Fakhri is trash and Seda is the more respectable of the two.

■ No Discord RP. Multiple factors at play with this decision and, while there are very rare exceptions, just assume it’s not happening.

If you read through all of this, consider me amazed xD

This may all seem like a lot but me and my partner are actually quite laid back. We’re both adults with a career and obligations and we know what it is to get home tired, or not having the energy nor the time for the game on any given day, or week. This is why we highly value good communication and we respect each other’s time. Now, why only seek 2 or 3-ish people to RP with? We firmly believe in quality before quantity and, hopefully, having a tight-knit group is all we’ll need to weave stories and have fun. Think of it as a tabletop group of friends. As a final note, me and my partner both enjoy the PVE aspect of the game so if that’s something you enjoy as well, bonus kudos to you and let’s climb HoH already!

Also, liking rats is mandatory.

Fakhri Man’tik

■ alcohol, fogweed and gambling. Leaving the Primeval Forests behind, only to wake up one day in a dark alley, between a pile of trash and a rat. Even the cards couldn’t have foretold that he’d take that wrong turn, right into a world of crime, taking some of humanity’s vices as his own. But it seems the spirits (or a rat) took pity on him after all...

--------------------

CAARD | https://fakhrimantik.carrd.co/>

TUMBLR | https://gray-morality.tumblr.com/

Seda Ballard

■ bad decisions, ambition and wanderlust.  Making a name for herself as a walking encyclopedia of Eorzean tariffs, imports, duties and taxes - and how to avoid paying them - her ink-stained fingers dancing through many account books. The path can be quite dark when one has no qualms where the money comes from. Good thing she met with someone who can hold a lantern to light the road ahead…

--------------------

CAARD | https://catscratching.carrd.co/

TUMBLR | https://catscratching.tumblr.com/

[ladytauria]

oooh i would love to know more about so full of love i could barely eat!!

This was also inspired by another fic! Specifically, a genfic demon au. I loooved the take on incubi, specifically, & the more I thought about it, the more incubus!Jason I wanted.

And THEN I thought, if incubi can sense emotion through touch, wouldn’t it be fun & angsty if Tim avoided touching Jason at all to keep from giving away his massive crush on him?

& then I ended up with part of a one-shot xD

The title is from Hozier’s Work Song, & just felt entirely too appropriate for the premise of the fic~

Have a snippet:

“Jason… I’m not making myself do anything.” Tim’s face softens. “It’s okay. You’re not the person who hurt me anymore. You’ve changed.”

He has. He knows he has. He’s worked hard at it, ever since he woke up one day and realized the one thing he wanted, more than anything, was to go home.

He will never follow Bruce’s rule. He will never stop believing that sometimes, people need to die, and if he ever gets the chance, he’ll put a bullet through Joker’s head without hesitation or second thoughts. But he’s done trying to force Bruce’s hand, and Bruce is done trying to change him. They still fight over Jason’s choices, sometimes, but ultimately; Bruce has learned to live with it. Has said he trusts Jason—has let Jason feel it.

But just because he’s changed doesn’t mean the damage hasn’t been done. They’re never going to be close again. He’s never going to be able to lean on him, like he once did, and he’s never going to trust him fully, to keep him safe.

“It still happened.” Jason can never fully trust Bruce. Tim can never fully trust Jason. Actions have consequences.

“It did. But I’ve forgiven you, Jason.”

Jason wants to believe it. He does. But Tim is a liar, and a good one. He’s seen him lie right to Batman’s face without so much as flinching—and watched Bruce believe him. He still believes him. Hell. If Jason hadn’t known the truth, he probably would have believed him too.

Tim smiles at him, then. It’s just as self-deprecating as Jason’s laugh was, and Jason itches to smooth it away. “The Tower has nothing to do with why I haven’t offered to feed you before. It’s—” He shakes his head. “You might be the one who never wants to touch me again, if anything.”

Jason very much doubts that. To say so out loud, though, would reveal how very badly he does want to touch Tim, and he can’t have that. “Tim…”

“Jason.” Tim meets his gaze. He’s not fiddling with his shirt sleeve anymore. His hands are still. His shoulders are back. His jaw is set. He isn’t going to budge, Jason realizes. Even if Jason convinces him to give it up tonight—which is looking less and less likely—he’ll be back again tomorrow. And the day after. Until Jason gives in, or they go home. Hell, he might keep it up at home, too. Just to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

“Fine,” Jason says shortly. He’s smart enough to realize when the only way out is through. He plops down in his chair, so close to Tim their knees are almost touching. “Give me your hand.”

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

@allvalley100

Prompt: Superstition

Pairing: Hawkmetri

This is...apparently what happens when you get too into Dracula Daily XD Enjoy the crossover of all time!

This is a 4-parter—400 words total! Wanted to write more, but oh well.

***

Day 27

Victory!!! Operation Hunt-Down-Eli-Moskowitz-After-His-Mysterious-Disappearance isn’t hopeless after all!

People in Transylvania are eating up my “selling my late grandmother’s estate” cover. I guess that Alexopoulos name comes in handy sometimes!

Anyways, locals told me if I wanted info on people passing through, I’d better go see “Lord Hawk.” Apparently most outsiders come just for him? Pretty weird.

The locals did keep crossing their chests and muttering prayers whenever they mentioned Lord Hawk, but eh. Probably just superstitious nonsense. One lady insisted I wear a crucifix, and rushed off before I could tell her I was Jewish. The sheer insensitivity!

*

Day 29

Victory again! Nearly missed the carriage to Lord Hawk’s castle, but the driver made it just in time!

Funny, the driver seems…oddly familiar? Could swear I’ve heard his voice somewhere. I asked him if he’d ever visited California, and he asked what California was in a fake-sounding Romanian accent. Something’s afoot, methinks.

He drove by these blue hellfire circles and said not to worry about them. We nearly got mauled by wolves, too, but he happens to be a damn wolf whisperer. He told them to leave, and…they did? I’m baffled.

What a weird place. Hope Eli’s okay.

*

Day 30

Good news: I found Eli!

Bad news: He’s wearing his hair in blood-red death spikes and won’t be talked out of it, he believes his name’s Lord Hawk, and his teeth are sharper than I remember.

Playing along until I figure out how to proceed, which means I…may have offered to sell Eli my fictional estate.

Side note: Eli cooked me souvlaki, despite claiming he “only vaguely remembers my nerd shit.” Can’t buy he’d just guess my favorite, so…either I embedded myself in his subconscious enough to survive amnesia, or he’s gone completely insane. Hope it’s the former.

*

Day 37

Disturbing update!

I was in some side room and I stumbled into these three strange women who kept trying to drink my blood. Sheesh, how do you tell girls that kinky you don't swing that way?!

Luckily, I didn't have to. Eli burst in, pissed as hell, and practically threw one of those girls across the room! Looks like he’s been working out.

It was a lot, so I…may have fainted a little bit. Not before Eli picked me up and carried me to my room, anyways. I didn’t swoon! What am I, some kind of sap???

[terresdebrume]

Favorite place in the world you’ve visited?

Guadeloupe! (It’s a tiny French island in the Caribbean.) It’s warm and beautiful, and that’s the place that made me appreciate the beauty of hiking, even though I never did manage to get into it after that x)

It’s also where part of my family is from so that helps too :D

Something you’re proud of yourself for?

I’m really proud of how much I’ve grown as a person these past few years. I’m proud of the fact that I’m still standing even though it sometimes felt like I wouldn’t be able to.

Also I’m proud of my writing to be honest. I think that’s the most solid ‘I’m good at this’ part of my life and it was the cornerstone of me building any kind of self esteem. I hope I get even better as time goes by :D

Favorite books?

I think the Hunger Games books are the ones I reread the most often (sidebar: I absolutely recommend you read Spin Control by Trovia in this fandom. It’s still pretty high on my ‘Introducing people to quality fanfic’ list!)

That being said, Pride and Prejudice is also a big favorite! A lot of my favorite stories are fanfics, though, it’s my favorite medium x)

Something that makes your heart happy when thinking about it?

My cats, my goddaughter, my niece, my friends 😊

Favorite thing about your culture?

The fact that we’re used to pushing back against authority (make fun of the French all you want for striking all the time, we sure do it a lot and even too much at times, but sometimes it’s useful to have a coworker who’s not afraid to be frank xD)

Also: how affordable books are! I miss paying only 5-10 euros for pocket-format paperbacks, especially when I can’t find anything under 13 dollars here ;_;

When did you join the HBO War fandom? What was the first show you watched?

Last year, and late in the year at that! Although whether I’ve really joined the fandom is debatable, given how bad I am at socializing, but I’ve definitely written fic xD

What can I say, I watched this show twice before I caught the fic/shipping bug for it! Now I’m trying to decide whether I can actually watch The Pacific without damaging my mental health because I am not a gore fan xD

Have you read any of Easy Company’s books? If so, which ones were your favorite?

None so far, though I’m still looking around for Bill Guarnere and Babe Heffron’s book…and I’d like to get my hands on David Webster’s book as well, if I can. Not that the others aren’t interesting to me, but I’d say these are the two at the top of my list.

Favorite HBO War character and your favorite moment with them?

To my own surprise, I had a hard time deciding between Webster, Guarnere and Liebgott for this one! But I think David is the one that rotates the most in my mind, and I do absolutely love his whole “Can you believe I said that?” bullshit when he gets shot like, man what are your priorities xD

Do you make content for any fandoms, if so; what sort of content?

Well, I’m coming up on a million words of fanfiction published on AO3, the most recent works being largely Band of Brothers fic, but I also occasionally fiddle on Canva to make fic covers!

Favorite actor/actress and your favorite film of theirs?

I think I still have to answer Tom Hiddleston, and Thor (the first one).

Favorite quote/s that you wish to share with others?

I do love Mika’s lyrics in Rio: “Maybe I’ll be myself when I’m somebody else.”

It really resonates with me, and if I’m going to tattoo any words on my body it’ll be those.

Random fact your mutuals/followers don’t know about you?

When I go cross eyed I can make it look like my eyes move independently like a chameleon’s.

If you’re a writer, do you need a beta reader (say yes so I can be your beta reader 🤭)?

Beta reader, cheerleader, whichever you prefer! I have too many fics on the backburner tbh! Right now I’m trying to wrestle the one where modern AU!Don Malarkey and David Webster met on Grindr, disliked each other too much to actually sleep together, but accidentally become ride or die friends anyway x)

Three things that make you smile?

I’m going to count my cats as only one thing, even though there’s three of them :P

Whenever my students compliment me.

The smell of rain on a hot road or warm grass.

And, because I can: swimming in a river/lake it hot weather.

Any nicknames you like?

I would describe myself as largely indifferent to nicknames on the whole? I’m fine with Matt tbh, I picked it myself and it’s only one syllable so it works x)

I do have two people who refer to me by a (different) nickname though, and I would feel very strange if they stopped ;_;

List some people you love to see around on tumblr!

Well, @almost-a-class-act, who tagged me, is a pretty nice presence :D I'm also always happy to see posts from @formerlyknownas-delight, @liesmyth (enjoying the Italian blogging at the moment even if I don't understand most of it), @lectorel, @nemainofthewater and @talysalankil

Lately, I've also really enjoyed the works of @renegadepublishing, @fuckyeahgoodomens and @atlaculture

What would you do during a zombie apocalypse?

Freeze and try to be as quiet as possible? Probably slowly kill myself with stress over my cats’ wellbeing.

Favorite movie?

The Lord of the Rings trilogy, but also The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert.

Do you like horror movies?

No D:

Tag list: @ronsparky @cinnamonmalarkey @1waveshortofashipwreck and whoever else wants to do this :D

[iggydabirdkid]

Good things come in threes!  This is the third of the 6 drawings I have planned for Pride Month!

The Wayhaven Chronicles is one I hold dear, being someone who loves everything supernatural. And how can I pass up the opportunity for angst with a certain golden-haired vampire?? 

So this is what I did for My Detective (Agent now I guess XD) Theadora Rickson and Ava Du Mortain.

(Forgive me if some of the spelling and punctuation is strange. It was weirdly difficult trying to write this in the style the game is written in. Also this ones a little longer, so don’t feel obligated to read it if ya don’t want to. Just enjoy the pretty art :) )

+++++

Lost in Your Eyes

The alarm that blares from my phone jumpstarts my heart as my eyes snap open. Groaning and turning my face into my plump pillow I reluctantly roll onto my stomach and reach blindly towards the shrill sound, my palm slapping against the surface of beside table before finally connecting with the offending device.   

Another groan escapes me and I lift my head while blinking against the glow of the screen as I turn the alarm off. I hate having to get up so early but I had doomed myself by neglecting my paperwork all week and now I was paying the price. I was just glad that I had had the foresight to ask Verda to send it over to the Warehouse. At least that way I could get it done from the comfort of the library. I let my head flop back down into the inviting plush of my pillow, “Thanks past me,” I mumble, the act of rolling my eyes made difficult by my position.

Letting out a sigh I finally decide to get up as I knew that if I stayed laying down I would for sure fall asleep again. I push the top half of my body off the mattress as I lean on my forearms and yawn before arching my back and hearing the cracks and pops of my joints before sitting back on my haunches. I tip my head back to roll my neck and lift my arms up high over me before shaking them out and standing up. I scowl as I look down to see my covers bunched up around my feet and I kicked my blankets to the floor, they needed to be washed anyways. As I jump from my bed it rocks beneath me and I grimace, placing a hand against its wooden frame to steady it.

The wall before me was dappled with morning sunlight and unable to help myself I wave a hand through the specks of dust floating in the rays of gold. With a smile of my face I let myself relax. Sometimes it was worth waking up early, if only for the little things. Speaking of…

I spin around and grab my phone off the nightstand, swiping down from the top of the screen to check my notifications as I pad barefoot from my room and into the kitchen. No new messages. The frown on my face was familiar, as was the way my heart seemed to sink in my chest. I was hoping that she would have sent a message, even if it was a brief one. Seeing nothing stung and I scowl at myself, “They’re on a mission!” I shout into my empty apartment as I throw my phone onto the kitchen counter and turn to the kettle to press its toggle down, “She won’t have time to send anything…” I trail off as I grab a mug and tea bag from the cupboard, willing the words to set my feelings at ease but there was still the tiniest voice way at the back of my mind that said otherwise, “Stop it.” I spit out harsh words to myself as I watch the steam rise from the kettle’s spout. But I can’t help it as the image of emerald-green eyes pop into my mind. I groan and rub my face with my hands, “Great…” I grumble just as the kettle clicks off, “What a fantastic way to start the morning…”

-----

My car rumbles along the dirt pathway leading up to the warehouse and I feel every shift and bump that it makes, but I don’t mind. It may be old but that just gives it character! Not something that everyone in Unit Bravo believes and when I had made the same joke about Ava herself, only Farah had laughed. I snicker as I remembered the sour look on Ava’s face as she had pursed her lips, her form tightening as she had turned away. I wonder how she’s doing…

Soon enough I pull up in front of the warehouse, parking my car and wincing at the loud creaking noise the handbrake made when I pulled it up. Maybe I should be thinking about upgrading… I’m sure Ava would help with her love of cars… I smack myself lightly on the forehead. Stop thinking about Ava, you have work to do! I unclip my seatbelt, yank my bag from the passenger seat, and open my door with a kick before stepping out onto the mossy forest floor. I threw my door closed with a slam that reverberated throughout the still almost silence and I stop in my tracks to just take in the view.

I loved it here. Being in the forest, being in nature with the trees and the animals. I loved the way the rays of sun filtered in through the treetops high above, their branches swaying in the wind and causing the light to dance about the ground in such interesting ways. I smile to myself before making sure my car is locked and heading inside the warehouse, walking through the dark and dusty false interior before entering through the key carded locked door and entering the warehouse proper. The door had only just closed behind me before a blur of colour rockets forwards from down the hall and I freeze on the spot, becoming a perfectly still target for the energetic vampire who would have knocked me over had my back not been right up against the door.

“Thea!” Farah squeals as she wraps her arms around my shoulders, pinning my hair to my back as she does so.

“Farah!” I reply and drop my bag to hug her back, “You’ve returned?” I laugh even as I feel my brow crease.

“Earlier this morning yeah.” She pulls back then picks my bag up and hands it to me. I watch as she cocks her head to one side and I shift on the spot when her eyes zero in on my face, “You’re upset?”

“Not about you returning!” I reassure her as I start my walk towards the library, “I was just hoping to get a text from Ava this morning. Considering…” I trail off, “I know its stupid, but is she in at the moment?” I ask as I turn my head slightly to peer at the shorter vampire who shakes her head in reply.

“She left an hour ago. Wouldn’t tell us where she was going, which is new but.” she shrugs and I watch her shoulders disappear into the frizz of her hair.

“Guess that for the best, I didn’t realize you guys were back today. I left Ava’s present back at my apartment.”

“You got her a present!” Farah shouts as she begins to bounce on the balls of her feet.

“Of course I did! Why wouldn’t I?” I chuckle as I push open the door to the library, allowing Farah to enter before me.

“What did ya get her?” Farah asks, skipping over to and flopping down onto the old patterned couch.

“Ohhh no,” I wag my finger at her as I dump my bag by her feet, “You’re terrible at keeping secrets. I’m more likely to tell Morgan than you and that only as she’ll forget because she doesn’t care.” I snicker, striding past Farah to the desk where I could see my paperwork sitting neatly atop. The sound of the chair scraping across the hardwood floor as I drag it out fills the large space, and I hope in vain that Nat hadn’t heard. I didn’t need another lecture on proper etiquette. I slump down into the chair and scoot back under the desk before spreading my files across its surface, only to be interrupted by the sound of a quirky tune rising from where Farah sat with her back to me. I sigh and give a quiet laugh as I turn in my chair, “Farah?” I start, speaking up to get her attention.

“Huh?” comes the distracted reply as she tilts her head backwards to look at me. I shake my own head with a grin.

“As much as I love your company I have work I need to do, and I rather I get it all done before Rebecca realizes I’ve been slacking again.”

“She’s not in charge of you anymore though?”

“Try telling her that!” I chortle, “And she’s still my mother. She’ll nag me about it and I’ll have to listen to her talk about work ethic again and I’d rather avoid that if I can.”

“Ugh! Fine fine, I’ll get out of your hair.”

I open my mouth to thank her. Only to stop and instead raise an eyebrow as she reaches behind to grab the arm of the couch with both hands before lifting her legs off from the cushions, arching them over her head pushing herself off the as she flips over. Her feet land with a thud against the ground and she raises her arms above her head as she turns to me, “Ta da!”

“You’re ridiculous!” I laugh as I clap and she grins before grabbing her beanie from the floor, the article of clothing having fallen off during her stunt and allowing half her face to be covered by her curls. She crams it back on her head and moves her hair aside to give me a wink and fire finger guns at me before spinning on her heel and leaving. I turn back to my paper and groan at the full day of work I saw ahead of me before I sigh, and begin.

 -----

I wake up with a start as a loud knock rings throughout the library. As I bolt upright in my seat a few stray sheets of paper that had stuck themselves to my face fall back to the desk. I shake my head, brush my hair over my shoulders and reach for my phone to check the time. If the bright numbers hadn’t alerted me to the fact that I had slept through the time I normally would have had lunch, then the rumble of my stomach would have clued me in. I jump and drop my phone back to the desk when whoever is outside the room knocks again.

“Uh, come in?” No need to raise my voice for whichever vampire it was that had the polite thought to knock first. The door cracks open and I quickly rub the sleep from my eyes, turning in my chair as Ava steps into the room.

“I apologize for interrupting your-“

“I was doing paperwork,” I cut in, sitting up straight and pulling back my shoulders. Ava raises an eyebrow.

“You were sleeping.”

“I was sleeping…” I sigh in admittance, allowing my posture to slacken as I lean an elbow on the table and prop my head up in the palm of my hand, “But in my defense I got up very early. I was semi-responsible.” Ava shakes her head at my joviality but I catch the ghost of a smile as she walks my way. The light that shines in through the windows behind me casts her in a curtain of gold and as I stare into the pools of her eyes my weariness seems to simply wash away. She stops an arm’s length away from me and it was only then that I realized she had been holding her arms behind her back the entire time. I lean to the side in an attempt to peer past her but she shifts in such a way that makes it impossible, “Spoilsport,” I hmph before looking up at her and the uncharacteristically nervous expression that twists her strong features, “Is something wrong?”

“No. Nothing is wrong.” She shakes her head yet the way her lips draw close says otherwise.

“Ava, you look like you’re constipated,” I snort as I push my chair back and get to my feet, “What’s up?”

She brings her arms out then from behind her back and extends her hands out towards me with her palms facing up, and a squat rectangular box sitting upon them. She clears her throat and I flick my attention back up to her face, “This is for you.” My eyes widen in surprise and I reach for the small black box.

“For me?” A nod, “I did get you something as well,” I add as Ava’s hands drop to her side, “But-“

“But you left it at your apartment. Farah informed me as such.”

“I knew she would tell you,” I chuckle before grasping the lid and opening the present.

It takes me a few seconds to see that the intertwining cords of leather are a bracelet and I feel a genuine smile grace my lips. And it was another few seconds after that that I realize the bracelet was one I recognized, and I felt my smile soften into something sadder.

“This is my dad’s,” I whisper softly, not taking my eyes from the precious gift.

“Yes,” Ava replies after a few silent seconds, “Agent Rickson mentioned that it was your favorite of all the ones he had. But it had been worn into being non functional.”

“It was falling apart,” I sniffle as I feel my cheeks heat up, “I wore it so much and after that I just didn’t want to risk losing it. So I stashed it away.” I fall silent as I gently lift the treasure from the box, turning it over in the sunlight as I take in every inch of it. The happiness that fills me as I slip it onto my wrist was too much to contain, and I feel my face break out in a wide grin as I place the box on the desk and step closer to Ava. I reach up towards her, cupping my hands at the back of her head as she grabs onto my waist and pulls me flush against her.

“Theadora. Thea. Animus meus, domus meus…” Ava’s words were so soft spoken, a side of her only I got to see and I stare into her face, into her eyes, into her soul.

“Ava Du Mortain. Amor meus, amicus meus, vita mea…” I watched as her gaze softened yet her eyes still sparkled as her mouth morphed into a perfect small smile, “I could get lost in your eyes forever.”

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

Do you have any advice on how to stop being jealous?

Like I know it’s a normal emotion. But I get really jealous when I see people have what I don‘t have and it’s hard for me to truly be happy for them… or myself. I’m always comparing. I know it stems from my insecurities and low self esteem. I want (best) friends, I want people openly think I am attractive, or that guys talked to me. I want to experience things like kissing or having sex. It’s hard for me to see others and especially those who are younger than me have all these experiences I never had. I’m seeing all these people I grew up with getting into relationships, getting married…etc. I guess never experiencing those things feed my insecurities and fears that I’m not good enough or desirable. I just feel like life is just so unfair, like why I am stuck being who I am, I didn’t choose to be so incompetent, boring and ugly.

I know it’s stupid but I’ve felt like this all my life. I was bullied a lot when I was a kid, so it’s hard to not believe what I was told about myself. Especially since all of my experiences confirm my fears. The thing is that I try. I try to put myself out there but nothing comes out of it. And this is embarrassing to admit but I cry about it a lot. I can’t help but to think something is wrong with me. Sometimes I can’t even read fics because the romance or friendships in them trigger me. Like it’s gotten that bad and I would love to have the kind of confidence that you have.

Just remember I only got to be this confident because I learned from a lot of painful things.

Jealousy is a learned behavior. In this case, it seems like you're jealous of relationships (friendships and romantic), specifically those that you perceive to be fulfilling and emotionally satisfying. I don't want to jump too far ahead, but the reason why you try and "fail" is because you aren't addressing the root of the issue - the why.

You did touch on it a little when you mentioned the bullying. Insecurities and low self-esteem are things that have been taught to you. You have adopted this negative self-image to avoid more hurt - if you already believe it, it'll hurt less when people continue saying it to you. Ironically, bullies bully because they too have jealousy, insecurities, and shitty self-esteem. Bullies intimidate because they believe they need to feel powerful to fill that void.

One who knows their power has no need to flex it.

Being bullied and other factors (don't know what your home life is like but I'm sure there's unpacking to do there was well) influence how you develop relationships with other people. There is fear there now. If strangers who don't know you say these things about you, won't it hurt exponentially more if it is a best friend? A romantic partner? Although you try, you feel that you have failed even if something small goes amiss, because you have been trained that is a signal that you could get hurt.

This is why I put fail in quotes. It is not really a failure. Like Yoongi says, human relationships are hard. They're complicated. Best friends fight (you've seen Run BTS???? jokes - or is it, those betrayals tho XD). Romantic relationships miscommunicate and get nasty at times. It is difficult to truly understand that no two people are the same. We tend to think people see the world in the same way we do because that's our main prespective in life. When they don't, there's misalignment and friction. These are not bad things, for we can learn / grow / evolve from these experiences, but you have associated them as bad sure to the past. You were confronted with senseless hostility as a kid - how could child you understand when someone taking out their internal frustrations on you? You haven't learned what projection means. Child you can only think that you must have done something wrong.

Your jealousy is not directed at the people. It is directed at the harmony between them.

You lacked this interpersonal harmony due to chance and circumstance. You probably didn't even do anything. Just happened to be there when a bully felt the impulse. Maybe, too, you didn't receive enough attention and affection as a child. Maybe the various relationships around you were turbulent and unpredictable. Maybe a certain type of attractiveness was prized and was an impossible mold for you to fit. It could be all these things and/or more. You need to look inside to find why you feel this way. And, the person that you absolutely need to develop a fulfilling and emotionally satisfying relationship with... is you.

"Why do I feel this way? How can I better understand me? What can I do for me to help me? How can I change the way I think so I don't drag myself down but raise myself up?"

It took me a long time to choose to believe in me. I didn't want to, because of what people said, because I was afraid, because I was reduced to thinking that this was the way it was meant to be, but it's not. I had to change the way I think. You say you didn't choose to be incompetent, boring, or ugly but on some level you did. Sure, perhaps you can't do everything, but it's clear you can articulate and be brave enough to message me. (keke ;) ) True, yeah, unlikely you can hold an engaging conversation on any topic because of course you don't know everything about the world. That would take forever to learn astrophysics and plant biology and music theory and... Yet if you put your heart into your interests, I bet you would have a lot to say and it would be fun to hear it. And, as I've said before, beauty standards are created by society to encourage consumption. "Conventional attractiveness" is a lie. People have strange and sometimes meaningless reasons for being attracted to others.

Nobody is perfect. Yes, life is unfair. But the way you look at it doesn't have to be.

Even if someone loves you with all their heart, you won't believe them if you don't love you. Even if someone wants to be your best friend, you won't feel it with all the walls you've built to protect the fragile you. But you are not that fragile, really. You were just made to believe you were. I get that. Yes, you will make mistakes. You will get hurt. You'll cry. Not everything will work out. But some things do. You'll never notice unless you break this cycle of negative thinking. Give attention and affection to that inner you that has been hurting all this time. When you're having those thoughts, think about why you're having them and what they really mean. Don't bully yourself, you know? Try your best, but not for others. For you.

People are complicated, flawed, but all are capable of finding the precious treasures that only they can appreciate because of what they've been through. You've been so fixated on other people's treasures that you forgot that you, too, have an adventure waiting for you.