#I can start a home life with you!!!
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I felt like making up "angwy uwu" designs for Phil and Bad cuz yknow the whole angel demon thing, with no real intent to create context for them, but by the time I finished them we had the Election Diner code incident and the kidnapping of Dapper which made me go [blinking white guy meme]
I gotta give huge props to OngakuK for giving me inspo on some aspects 'Cause designing godlike figures with tons of ornements and symbolism is her shit, so I sent her my first drafts and asked for feedback and she gave me really cool ideas
And here's some bonus mid-shapeshifting doodles
My og designs for them are much tamer : Phil has got far less pairs of wings and 20 eyes less & Bad has got far less teeth and one single lower jaw
#something something workers of death not supposed to be disrupting the course of life#but they sure are going to make an exception if you touch their kids#you can tell i sketched bad's wings as an afterthought because they physically make no sense#the scythe has zero respect for the wings and i only noticed it when i started colouring-- shush#I literally spent my whole week working 8 hours a day designing big creatures with big teeth big claws and tini angry eyes#what do i do when i get home ? Draw even more claws#qsmp#my art#qsmp fanart#mcyt#qsmp philza#qsmp badboyhalo#philza fanart#badboyhalo fanart
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So do you guys actually think that Jason's entire story, relationship to the others, and philosophy amounts to him being a rebellious teen who wants his dad's attention? Like are you 100% serious? I thought you were joking about that but too many of you are saying it with your whole chest.
And what the fuck is this "Bruce antagonizing Jason is fanon!" Shit I've been seeing? You guys are aware that a parent can love their kid and still be a shit parent right? I know you guys don't want to fathom the thought that maybe your blorbo might also occasionally have to face responsibility for consistently endangering children but let's not start being delusional now.
Bruce does love his kids, that doesn't mean that he hasn't hurt them. And I'd also argue that for the most part he feels in the right for it, and he's said multiple times that he believes it's for their own good, so you can't even argue that he's sorry about it. It's okay for you guys to admit that your PERSONAL INTERPRETATION of the character wouldn't do that but don't sit here and pretend that it's not a facet of the source.
#you can argue meta until you're blue in the face#but I can't ignore the ingerent abuse of Batman and Robin because DC is always drawing attention to it#Stephanie and Jason directly died because of Robin#Stephanie wanted to impress Bruce to live up to his idea of a sidekick and prove her worth#Sheila only sold Jason out when she found out he was Robin#Damians life certainly got worse when he became Robin/moved with Bruce#if you bring up racist retcons I'll kill you btw#how are we supposed to read children dying and being tortured and traumatized constantly#and just ignore that these are children#I can ignore the reality of child sidekicks in campy light hearted early comics#but if DC wants to deal with serious topic they're going to have to deal with some serious implications too#Also that post that's going around about “Bruce loves Jason and it's Jason who's causing all the animosity” is such bullshit#what the fuck are you even talking about#and let's not act like Jason is the ONLY one at fault and Bruce is just a poor loving father#is Bruce spreading that utter bullshit about Jason's death and who he was not an act of violence?#was he not the one to cast the first stone by disgracing Jason's legacy and using a version of him that never existed as a cautionary tale#and I know some of you are going to argue that with most of the kids there's nothing Bruce could have done to stop them#and this is the one time in which I will ignore all the very real ways that he could have#but I still think that in universe the characters have a right to be angry about it#Jason always since his debut as red hood been a vehicle for calling out Bruce#he's so heavily steeped in meta narrative because his run is when they started dealing with the real BAD cases#The Cult Garzonas onscreen murders were getting more common#AND NO ONE CAN CONVINCE ME THAT BEING ROBIN DIDN'T MAKE JASON'S LIFE WORSE#THERE WAS NO REASON TO MAKE HIM ROBIN HE COULD HAVE BEEN VERY HAPPY AS JUST A NORMAL KID#But Bruce made having a place in his home synonymous with being Robin because the narrative dictated it had to be#what was homeless orphan Jason going to do? say no?#it was basically coercion and it doomed him and he has every right to blame the adult that put him in that position#dc#bruce wayne critical#bat family
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Reading loz/lu fics and it's just so interesting how wide the spectrum is of their personalities.
Sometimes it's got an in universe reason (different past (usually gender or species change), recent or ongoing traumatic events, a spectacularly bad first meeting), but sometimes (often) the characters are just... Weirdly angsty or peppy, there's no in between!
And I'm beginning to think less people have played more than one game than I thought XD.
Not that it's anyone's fault! One game is more than enough to be part of it all, and loz is exclusive to Nintendo consoles - and all the older stuff is frustratingly hard to get hold of. Heck, I'm still looking for wind waker, and that was really popular! And then you have to play it! They're not small games!!
But could people writing wild please ease off just a tiiiiiny bit so he can be a semi functional member of society pretty please XD? He's just as much a polite boy as any other member of the chain! He won't even run in shops! He can't attack npcs! He talks to every single person he's ever seen and remembers every single name. Yes, he's three quarters woodland creature with a hefty amount of trauma but he's also a fashionista who managed to avoid accidentally taking sides in a mayoral election and that's not easy!
#I have some actual gripes but that's just me being pedantic about something I know a lot about#loz#legend of zelda#tears of the kingdom#loz link#loz botw#loz totk#the legend of zelda#totk link#lu wild#Okay but please stop making his teleportation a point of interest to the chain they ALL can warp it's not even slightly special#And the slate/pad doesn't hold any items I'm begging you that's just fanon it's never been canon or been implied to be#Travelling across hyrule (on horseback) is about a week and a half following the paths at a walk. Rito to lurelin. It's not weeks on foot t#Hyrule Castle!!#This isn't a problem but like. Let link be petty brats to civilians occasionally. It's enrichment. They all have beef with some rando.#They're all extremely polite and let people get away with more than they maybe should but like. Adults starting smth with a 16yo.#Also wild has serious beef with ganon why does everyone write him so chill. Like botw sure but totk?? Absolutely not.#'wah my home is in ruins it's all my fault' it's been like that for yonks no one's even mad and hello?? Miles on miles on untouched#Landscapes?? Millenia of ruins indistinguishable from the recent stuff?? Link literally died he could not have done any more#How anyone can play botw/totk and not be BLISTERINGLY proud of hyrule I don't know#Okay but why does everyone (particularly legend omg) always bitterly blame hylia like loz has a dozen odd deities and hylia is the ONE who#Got cursed right alongside link. It's just... Idk but it seems like such a culturally Christian thing. All the focus on one who then gets#Blamed for everything in life going wrong. Not even Christian but specifically American Catholic. I don't know.#Hylia is the one deity we can pretty safely assume is neither omnipotent or omniscient lmao#In every time she has a voice (botk/ss) she pretty clearly mucks up or gets tricked and has regrets#In ss when she was zelda she hated every second of leading link around and even then it all hinged on link being completely willing!!#And then she got kidnapped anyway!#In totk (spoilers) she loses contact with one of her statues and asks link to check it out. Another statue gets POSESSED by ol triangle hea#And again link has to figure out the problem. Like even in her divine form she is so far from all knowing and all doing.#It's a lot of conflating with the concept of fate maybe?
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Fig's line "I don't think I'm an artist, I think I'm just a good friend" has not left my head at all. Just...
You're Fig Faeth and your horns came in over the summer and you pick up the bard class as a form of adolescent rock 'n' roll rebellion, and it works! It's exactly the outlet you need! You give a guy you just met drumsticks and you start a band and it's good enough that within a year and a half you're touring. You are, in every sense, good at being a bard.
And then, finally, your junior year, you start to take it seriously. Your art goes from an outlet and a form of rebellion to a practice. A discipline. (Can rebellion exist within a discipline?) Your classmates know what they want to do with their work. They all have a thesis statement. And yeah, there's cohesion in the music you make, but you've never had to think about why you make it. You've never sat down and dissected what it is about bass that speaks to you. You've never poured over your lyrics to pick at any deeper meaning. Why should you? You don't play music for a grand design, you do it to... huh, why do you do it?
(Your art is the one form of self-expression that feels as safe as Disguise Self does, because even if you're pouring your heart onto the page and then screaming it in front of thousands of people, it's not like you're really making yourself known. You can sing I'm lonely, I'm scared, I'm furious, and your fans will sing it right back, and there will still be the distance between performer and audience to keep your heart safe.)
Now you're being asked to look inward to explain the artistic choices you're making, and you can't help but recoil at that, because you'd rather do anything than look inward. Meanwhile, your classmates have no problem with it, so you start to wonder if you're a real artist at all. Can your art be authentic if it only exists to bolster a thesis statement? Has your art been unauthentic this whole time because you've never really thought about a thesis statement before? Is that what makes it art, and not just the next track on somebody's teen angst playlist?
You can't think about yourself— acknowledging your own existence makes you want to puke. So if your music is an extension of yourself, (and it is, even if it's just because the spotlight reveals only what you want it to,) you can't think about your music. You can't. You have to. Your grade depends on it.
You're Fig Faeth, and you keep multiclassing because you'd rather be a good friend than a great artist. If introspection is what great art demands, then fuck it. You must not be a bard at all.
#Dimension 20#fig faeth#fhjy#Idle Chatter#my last two years of college were when I started to get more and more nauseous about my own art#because I wasn't being taught how to make the art I wanted to make#the whole curriculum's focus was on gallery art#which infuriated me! I wanted to make art that didn't have to involve twelve layers of meaning and metaphor to be considered good!!#so I drove myself into the ground time and again trying to make (miserable) work that I thought would fit the criteria of a Real Artist#anyway it's been 4 years and I'm just now picking at why I don't enjoy creating anymore so Fig's whole arc has hit home in a major way#ALSO. AAAAALSO. THE ADHD STRUGGLE WE SEE WITH BOTH FIG AND KRISTEN. LOVING SOMETHING BUT STILL STRUGGLING WITH FOLLOW THROUGH#BEING TOLD YOU'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH WHEN IT'S SO FUCKING HARD JUST TO GET WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS AND NOT UNDERSTANDING WHY IT'S HARD FOR YOU#it was easy and now that the rubber's hit the road it's hard for you but not for others so it must be YOU that's the problem#you must be lazy or stupid or just not suited to this after all even though it's part of a pattern that has been happening all your life#if you were good enough or cared enough then surely the discipline would come easily to you! the way it comes easily to all your classmates#SCREAMS I gotta stop before I write a second essay in the tags. I'm so normal you can trust me to be normal about D&D characters
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maybe a hot take but please don’t have or stop having children if you have an active eating disorder/body dysmorphia (including binge eating, not just restrictive disorders). seriously
thinking you’ll be the exception (because you’re So self-aware, unlike those Other disordered women) and won’t give your dysmorphia/eating disorder to your child is pride before a very slow and terrible fall
it never ever works. you’re never ever immune. i mean, such a huge reason of why there are so many of us now is bc our moms thought the same thing lmfao. didn’t matter how well-intentioned they were. no matter how much they tried to separate Their Problems from Ours. here we fucking are
i know it’s not women’s fault to begin with, but the reality is that those of us affected do incubate, nurture, and pass on the virus in the Current Way of Things
the buck needs to stop here. this isn’t a game. think of all the things your mother probably thought she was expertly hiding from you that you still picked up on and were profoundly affected by in a terrible and formative way. it will happen to you, too. don’t think it won’t.
if you know that you’re not solidly and confidently recovered, you have a responsibility to stop that buck and not actively attempt to create a child who will observe, mimic, internalize, adopt, and inherit your lifelong life-ruining behavior. the selfishness is breathtaking honestly
#eating disorders are one of the most treatment-resistant behavioral issues out there#once they take firm root#this is not quite the same as ‘don’t have children if you’re even a little bit mentally ill’ btw before anyone thinks it is#this is a very specific problem#and it is LEARNED#you cant always protect your child from the outside world influence but you can do something about what your child starts with at home#i am recovered now but i could’ve saved my whole life if my mom hadn’t been dieting when i was 7#so i started dieting too#bc she was my mom and i did what she did#cuz i was fucking 7#she never told me what a diet was. i just observed her.#and when she binged EYE binged#i blame her always for my food addiction
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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do u have blue sky
yes! i'm zeewa on bluesky 🫶
thank you for reminding me that i need to put my bluesky in my about me 💋✌️
#i'll be honest. an enormous part of the reason i'm still here at all is bc i've been on tumblr since i was 14 + twitter since i was 17#they are my baby artist first social media experiences... my history... all the trauma + loss of innocence + acceptance + funniness + life#i'm scared that i won't be able to fully dedicate to a new social media bc i'm so old + very set in my withdrawn solitary ways now#but i'll try. i won't let my life be work work work with no active place to share my art. my art is my demonstration of self. not my career#my art is the part of me that i care about. that i must nurture. i have a job so i can be financially stable TO come home + draw#(only 25-50% jokingly) STOP pouring yourself into your thankless job. and start pouring yourself into your ART + thank YOURSELF!!!!!!!!#workers of the world - unite. you have nothing to lose but your chains
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#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.
I don't have external meltdowns.
I could. I don't let it happen.
I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.
So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.
She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.
Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].
It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.
They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.
I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.
I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.
I couldn't understand what made her like this.
But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.
If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.
And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*
And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?
My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.
Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???
And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.
I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*
She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.
I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.
So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.
But I told her hundreds of times.
I probably should have just screamed at her.
#good stay out of our yard' and he didn't seem to know what to say to that#but other than that I don't think anyone in my adult life has ever seen me turn aggressive at all to the point where people 100% like to#play games of testing my patience and my boundaries because they think my tolerance is infinite#but like I have autistic rage tantrums on both sides of my family and they are just happening inside my head#And somehow it took me until now to realize that being that way was actually -expected- of me by my parents and especially my mother#and that by keeping myself outwardly level headed to be considerate I actually took away whatever signals she can understand#to have empathy for how I must be feeling#I mean it's still all on her#but it makes so much sense of why she's fucking *like this*#And why my sister thinks I hate her just because -she- stopped texting -me-#but that fucking guy#Every time I was like#In my adult life I have screamed at someone ONE whole time and it was 1000% deserved#And I threw heavy objects around one whole other time and in my defense I didn't do it in front of the guy he just felt the ground shaking#heard the thuds and came back to the logs blocking his path because that fucker wouldn't stop parking in our yard after being asked#and then TOLD not to about 10 times because he was acting entitled to just park in our yard and was crushing my plants???#seriously I don't know what his deal was but he wouldn't stop telling me how much the ground shaking scared him like it was supposed#to get my pity like I think this guy took one look at the logs I had just tossed down and was suddenly afraid of this “woman” he was#bullying in their own yard and so my ability to feel bad for scaring him had gone straight out the fucking window#I looked at him and said stop parking in our yard instead of your own you are killing my plants#he'd just fucking be like 'well the last people to live here let us D: :)“ and I'd be like ”good for them?“ ”stop“#and he'd just keep doing it#I was having a week of insomnia and was finally having the best dream#the kind of sex dream you have like twice in your life#and this fucker had just gotten some noisy ass little bike with a spoiler on it#and starts it up right under my window at 3am from IN OUR FUCKING YARD#so I had a nice long anger nap and just after he got home from work and was sleeping in his house#I picked up these chunks of deadwood tree from the back#there was like 3-4 logs that used to be a WHOLEASS fucking oak tree Like these logs were not as heavy as they -looked- but they were still#this fucker deleted half the tags I wrote and I am not retyping that fuck you tumblr so fucking hard
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Cave-in: A comic starring Darkrai, Dusknoir, and an unconscious Twig on an expedition gone wrong.
(Note that this takes place after the ending of the fanfic, and people have settled into having Darkrai in their lives... for the most part. Dusknoir still hates his guts and doesn't trust him whatsoever.)
#Look at these two ghosty guys. Finally having a life-changing field trip together.#it's about time that you two stopped being petty and sarcastic to each other all the time#You're both ex-villains who have personally traumatized the rest of the cast and struggle with feelings of inadequacy and guilt.#BOND OVER IT ALREADY.#I apologize for leaving this so messy but if I tried to work any longer in that file Clip Studio Paint was gonna kill me#This comic started with me having the thought of#WAIT. If you were a ghost type...#and someone in your party in a mystery dungeon passed out...#could you just like. Pilot the unconscious body so that the mystery dungeon doesn't boot you out upon your partner(s) fainting?#I know that it's meant to be a bit of story and gameplay segregation in-game#but I always wondered about why mystery dungeons eject you upon your partner fainting in the main game.#I've got an escape orb man#One person could use it#couldn't they??#My partner can get medical attention at home and I can finish this dungeon!#anyhoo time for normal tags#the present is a gift au#stuff by sofie#pmd2#pmd#pmd sky#pmd explorers#pmd eos#pokémon mystery dungeon#pmd dusknoir#pmd darkrai#pmd comic#pmd au#pokemon mystery dungeon#the present is a gift AU
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cozy color..
#transformers#starscream#knock out#knockscream#koss#kept freaking out n stimming over this while drawing it#i am SO HAPPY with how it turned out!!!!!#even tho the coloring process was a NIGHTMARE#just. hmngh. peace after war. star prolly escapes jail and hunkers down as far from civilization as he can#there is nothing left for him to fight for—the world he knew is long gone#maybe ko finds him while on a drive through the more rural parts of cybertron#he’s thinking the same thing#not sure what happens from there—maybe ko brings him back and they start a new life together#maybe ko stays with him in the ��country’#either way. love and grief. you know the drill#you can’t go home again and all#that’s way sadder than i was thinking it would be#but its hopeful dw i like happy endings
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Call Swifties cult members or whatever but I was thinking about travelling this summer and the Eras Tour and how there was something kind of beautiful about showing up at the airport and seeing a smattering of travellers in past merch on their way to adventures, or the day after a concert seeing fans in tour merch hauling their suitcases through train stations and subways and airports and knowing that all these strangers heading to all these other places all collectively experienced this moment of time together and have all these similar yet disparate memories but everyone kind of Gets It and has these tokens to remember it.
Years from now I’m sure this whole phenomenon is going to be studied as a unique cultural moment and it’s wild that it happened in my lifetime. It just struck me that it’s so unusual to have such a rallying figure people love and come together to celebrate that love in such a welcoming, positive way. This summer feels like it’s going to be one for the books.
#eras tour#this all started from me searching for videos on the best way to wash merch to prevent it from fading lol#and seeing all these videos of girls travelling home in their sweaters and whatnot#and it reminded me of seeing girls in tshirts hauling their suitcases through cobblestone streets in Lyon#or the girl in the rep sweater on my flight to London#(who I was jealous of because she got bumped up to business class lol)#or the people at the gate in tees and hoodies flying home#I was going to say it’s ✨girlhood✨ but i didn’t want to exclude folks#oddly i was too self-conscious to wear my sweater while in Europe or to fly home#but have been wearing merch regularly since getting home lol#can you tell I’m feeling nostalgic and want to go back because real life is nowhere near as fun#i can’t believe this summer happened and not just for the eras shows#but especially for those
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OG Choi Han they could never make me hate you cause if some random rich boy was yelling at me and telling me my family deserved to die like a day after it happened and all I wanted was to know how I could get help I’d beat him up too
This plus the added fact that the Harris Village people were the first people to take Choi Han in and take care of him after years and years in the dark forest. Like he’s obviously not going to be mentally stable after all that, and he was so young when everything happened to him like I cannot blame him at all. I don’t think I can ever hate OG Choi Han like ever, he’s flawed, he has problems, but I love him dearly. He deserves the world. This kid who had to fight for his life, was taken away from his family, and in the process had to give up parts of his own humanity to survive, and like went to war two years later, they could never make me hate u OG Choi Han…
Like yeah violence is bad I guess but OG Cale had it coming(saying this as an OG Cale fan, I love him, but he was mean as hell when he was younger!)
If I’m honest, I think they were both in the wrong to an extent. Like OG Cale shouldn’t have said all that no matter the circumstances, and OG Choi Han shouldn’t have beaten him up so much. But u say mean shit and you get hit, that is how it will work when you’re talking to the guy who just saw his entire village get murdered like idkkkk man
I understand where OG Cale was coming from, but he had many issues and while he wasn’t an awful person, he was capable of doing bad things because of his own internalized pain and emotions that he never got to properly process because of his emotionally distant childhood and relationship with his father who should have been there for him more when he was younger.
Okay speaking of his childhood, Deruth isn’t the WORST father in the world but there are a lot of things he could have done better. I think a lot of Deruth’s flaws come from his fear of failure and messing up. He’s scared of doing the wrong thing, and so he sticks to doing what he knows and using what he knows best. That’s why he uses his money, that’s why gift giving is his way of showing affection, he knows that it is one thing he cannot mess up.
The problem is that money and gifts is NOT what OG Cale needed. I think what that guy needed the most was a parent who wasn’t afraid to talk to him, to ask him questions. Not to say that Deruth gave up on OG Cale, but I think in a way he gave up on OG Cale by giving up on himself. Deruth didn’t trust himself to have the capabilities to talk to OG Cale, which is why he never did. It’s because that Deruth was scared, and didn’t trust himself, that he could never face OG Cale
If Deruth was able to trust himself a little more, and pull himself together, I don’t think OG Cale would have turned out the way he did. As a kid, he probably thought the only way he could help his family without relying on anyone(no doubt this whole ‘I have to do it myself’ thing came from the fact that he couldn’t rely on his father when his mom died, and instead was acting as a pillar of support for his father when it should have been the other way around) was to sabotage himself, the only heir. If he was shown to be unfit to be heir, then everyone else would have no choice but to direct their hatred towards him instead of his family.
If Deruth had talked to his son at least ONCE when he was a kid, asking him why he was upset or why he did the things he did, I think OG Cale would have told him. Why? Because he’s a kid!! A kid will obviously want to rely on his father, if he just had one sign telling him that he didn’t have to do it alone I’m 90% sure OG Cale would have said something.
Basically, while Deruth isn’t the worst father, he’s not really a great father either. I think he does do his best, but he has issues with communication lol
OG Cale and OG Choi Han are both complex characters and had their own reasons to behave the way they did. The thing is with people is that they’re complicated and have layers, so the situation with them would have layers behind it as well with multiple co-existing truths and stuff
#guys I’m a big fan of Choi Han#and I get sad when people bring up this scene and all the blame is on him#like okay he was wrong but if YOU saw your entire family dead and some random rich boy started yelling abt how their lives were worthless#you’d be mad too no?#like his feelinsg were totally justified cause OG Cale was REALLY mean in that scene#‘their lives are worth less than the bottle in my hand’ OHHHHH OKAY OG CALE THATS ENOUGH THATS ENOUGHHHH#I love OG Cale but u have to admit he wasn’t very nice when he was younger#like the statements ‘he had his reasons’ ‘being trash was an act’ ‘he wasn’t a bad person’ ‘but he did say bad things’ can co exist#yes being trash was an act but he is ALSO capable of saying mean things and things that are wrong#LIKE TELLING THE GUY WHO JUST GOT HIS FAMILY MURDERED THAT THEIR LIVES WERE WORTHLESS#HE WAS NOT INNOCENT FOR THAT#Younger OG Cale is not a black and white character#and neither is older OG Cale but this post isn’t abt him#okay I’m gonna bring up someone who isn’t from TCF#but take Eunyung Baek from no home as an example okay#eunyung did bad things and was a bad person because of his childhood right#the reasons to being a bad person do not take away the bad things he did#but just cause he did bad things and was capable of them did not mean he could not change#I love OG Cale a LOT and I just think that his character has a lot behind it#Older OG Cale is obviously very different from his younger self#years and years of war and tragedy have matured him and like he’s not the same person he was anymore#okay back to Choi Han I love that guy I will defend him with my life#beating up people is wrong yeah but with the circumstances I’d say OG Cale had it coming#like okay it would be different if it was unprovoked but it was very much provoked#I swear I love OG Cale I just think he was very wrong for that#not to say he can’t change or isn’t capable of change he definitely is#idk I guess my point is that OG Cale was wrong but he changed as a person#and OG Choi Han was wrong for beating him up so much but it wasn’t unjustifiable#tcf#lcf
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Jews in skyrim 👁️👁️
#jumblr#meme#personal thoughts tag#'braided bread' todd you aren't slick NOTHING gets by me unnoticed#obviously this is one massive joke post but this reminded me of the post i reblogged#where the person was saying how they wanted to start like... a series of finding jews in random media#i forgor how the post went but i love imagining how jewish life would look in the games i play#imagine fighting a dragon and going 'oh shit oh FUCK it's shabbos' and LEGGING it back home 💀#if i was a jewish DB that's probably how it would go down#the dragon follows you because he also forgot it was shabbos and Never misses the candle lighting#more like he CAN'T miss shabbos because he's the only dragon with the fire thu'um in his friend group#so he's the only one who CAN light the candles#wait no because this would unironically be interesting considering how polytheistic the elder scroll series is#but the difference between irl polytheism and the one in tes is that there is... undeniable proof of the existence of other gods
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okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it
#unfortunately there are moments where i am forced back into reality#and i remember that i cannot actually spend my life creating and hiding away forever!!! crazy#honestly a lot of it has also been the fact that i am just tired everytime i get home#and my health issues that have been steadily building up#they're really catching up on me and ive been having to visit the clinic more than im happy with#theres just a constant sense of fatigue nowadays#also uh#admittedly my interesting in Alien Stage has been waning#not replaced by any other media in particular. just started focusing on irl life stuff more often#which is why i barely post on shakingparadigm anymore/dont really post anything of substance#its really mostly this alnst oc thing that makes me want to stay because i genuinely enjoy and adore what we've created here#im pretty invested in this even though im not as invested in the source material anymore#not to say i dont like alnst anymore! i still do. i just don't dedicate all my attention to it anymore#which is for the best actually. because admittedly the things and time i have sacrificed for alnst did create a few consequences#sometimes i forget how bad a hyperfixation can fuck me up#again I'm really sorry for everything I've missed#and for being late to apris birthday#and the solauri round#and more#amazing stuff that you guys have made#me bones just dont work like they used to i fear. please give me time#im.sorry again#sorry this post might seem kind of depressing#just dont mind it if you want#thanks for your time#misc#rant#(?)#vent
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Oh, I forgot to use this picture anywhere! It's been an exhausting, EXHAUSTING spring, including the painting, including the paneling, including a trip to nj to retrieve a pile of furniture, including way too much crochet for human hands to safely endure. But the guest room is coming together! The lips are probably getting evicted to the next guest room over (music/manga room), because the Horrors have faded enough that I'm itching for my next paint job, and I think it's going to be a pink and red palette. Just having one vibrant room in my house makes me so happy already, I simply HAVE to continue
Actually, you know what, have these curio cabinets too, because I'm delighted with how they turned out. More gifted old furniture finally giving me a dignified residence for my knickknacks. Pls note the tasteful heavy bookbinding objects on the bottom shelves definitely because they're pretty and not because I almost tipped these things over more than once before getting them anchored to the walls
#me home#no i haven't brain space for a social life in months and am slowly losing my mind why do you ask#i need to finish recreating my living room gallery wall#I'm probably... half there#hampered by 1) i need to climb on or behind my antique desk and not fall on my monitor#and 2) i need to find the right spot for cross-stitch#that will lighten the mass of art enough that I can think about where to tastefully scatter others#then i need to settle on homes for all the yarn and fabric i shoved into the music room#temporarily rehome the furniture and objects that do go in the music room#including all the manga because it is also the manga room because the pseudo-built-in is just the right size lolsob#and THEN i can finish polishing the built-in-ness of the bookshelves (fill the transition to ceiling/wall)#and start pondering a decorative backsplash and wall color samples
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