#I can only blame myself.
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I'm just spamming venting shit to get it off my chest and keep my hands from slipping and sliding if you get my drift
#wanna cry scream throw up break things#but I'm stuck in my head so I'll just stay here half frozen#smoking until I can't feel anything or think#my whole life has been a waste and I just wanna be done#im playing a game I no longer wanna play#I have no chips I have no bone in this#im just so done but im being forced to stay#I feel like im being half drowned#head just above water enough to keep me alive#otherwise im suffering n just want it to stop#im just so over it#anyway you want me baby that's the way you got me#I'd do anything to be filled with validation and peace and comfort and...just something to make the pain stop#my story's gonna end with me dead from your poison#what's the worst part of this hell?#I can only blame myself.#full of poison I'm sick of the poison#fillin up my glass but it's always hollow#im tired of thinking this doctor or this thing or this way of thinking is gonna fix things just for it to let me down#turning 25 just reminded me of all the times I had hope and it was for fucking nothing#I used to be a happy hopeful glass half full person#but im just fucking done#so many people have promised they wouldn't leave me and then they DO#WHY LIE TO ME#STOP LYING TO ME IF YOU DONT LOVE ME JUST LEAVE ME#so many people........all gone or just -barely- in my life by a string#I'm tired of being lied.......so many friends gone#i remember at age 13 a guy said he wouldn't talk to me unless o sent pictures so I did#i remember praying to God that he was 'the one'#...I'm such an idiot
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a glass sun 1/2
#my art#my stuff#this is really fucking long so im gonna have to break it up into multiple reblogs#(howling) WAUGHHHHHHH#i love aishang by xiaoshiguniang#i love to implicate my alma mater in my art about being gay in the shittiest most conservative corner of singaporean society#by some terrible trick of fate i ended up in the conservative chinese christian cishet circuit from primary school to end of hs#obviously i am not most of these things but there i was. Depressed#and there i was after that at Liberal Arts College. the 4 years i spent there were a clusterfuck#but like a good and outrageous and lively clusterfuck#and i graduated in may this year and when i came back it was for the first time in 10 months. it was like. what da hell#like i love being here in specific ways but there is also the pain of being seen as something you're not constantly#can i blame them? i ask myself this every day. for most of my ex classmates and relatives i Am the only not cis person they know#idk my lottery number was bad this corner of society really is that bad#and so its like. idk dawg anyway i aint offering solutions but u get it like it fucks with your head to be misgendered either which way 24/#but to leave them behind would be to leave the only people who knew me for the first 19 years behind. and thats a lot of my life#i am 23!!!!!! ough#anyway. whatever. if u liked it i have a ko-fi#reblogos appreciated
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snap out of it
#messyr#already dying hard this bermonths like cmon why does it keep striking whenever i need to be academically focused#( never was focused bc of how brain damaged i am AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH )#UGHHH.......... Can i even graduate at this rate i feel like im wasting so much and i can only blame myself#fuck this stupid brain fuck this stupid brain stupidstupid dumb dumb dmb udmbdumb dumbdumbdumb#vent art#vent post#artists on tumblr#doodle#depression
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Did you think you mattered, Hawke? Did you think anything you ever did mattered? [...] You're a failure, and your family died knowing it.
#gamingnetwork#vgedit#videogameedit#gamingedit#dailygaming#gameplaydaily#da2edit#myda2#myda#daedit#hawke#carver hawke#dragon age 2#dragon age#AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH#BLOWING MYSELF UP#its so miserable too because its made so apparent thru convos with carver and leandra that#they only blame hawke because theyre trying to avoid blaming themselves#carver i love u u are so wonderfully flawed#carver also dies in this worldstate but there isnt a direct quote i can pull were someone blames hawke for it#or hawke directly blames herself#tho im sure it happens! who would leandra be if a child of hers died and she didnt blame her eldest!#faye hawke#gamlen hawke
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heartbreaking: this viral post is saying things you completely agree with in the most irritating way possible
#mumbling#goD#thinking about that one cringing = pearl clutching post i saw a while ago#legitimately good points and the only time i’ve ever seen someone point out the linguistic shift#of ‘cringe’ going from verb to adjective and how that takes the blame off of the people DOING the cringing#like yeah! that’s it that’s the thing i’ve been trying to figure out how to say!!#the insidious shift from cringe as an action of the beholder to a property of the beheld is not only worth examining#but demonstrates a seriously important way our brains can be affected over time by language#that was something i didn’t even notice! sure it bothered me but i didn’t know how to express WHY#and i think it’s so cool to see someone finally manage to articulate smth that’s been pissing me off for years#HOWEVER#my god was op’s phrasing annoying the hell out of me for some reason#just written in such a grating writing style i couldn’t bring myself to reblog it even though i really wanted to
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Okay, hear me out
Imagine with me. Batman, pedaling as fast as he physically can, on this children's bike, chasing a rogue. It was the only option he had, and he knows he'll be made fun of later by his kids, but he has a mission at the moment, so he can't be bothered to care
And then passing him is Nightwing riding a segway (Nightwing themed, of course), Red Hood wearing heelies, Red Robin on his normal motorbike, and then Damian on a little classic child tricycle.
As it turns out, someone (Alfred) had hidden all the normal vehicles for a prank war, left only Red Robin's motorbike to frame him (because who would suspect Alfred??), and was currently receiving pictures from Barbara to add to a photo album.
Alfred knows he's safe from retaliation, even when they figure out who did it.
#Tim was the only one unaware of the prank due to leaving last and not seeing the other vehicles#no one is pranking alfred back#the way tim gets out of being blamed is because he plays the “listen you guys know I'm smarter than to make myself the obvious choice” card#Bruce is the funniest to see due to the sheer size difference between the bike and him#plus the training wheels-#dc#batfam#batman#robin#red robin#red hood#nightwing#bruce wayne#alfred pennyworth#tim drake#jason todd#batfamily#dc comics#dcu#damian wayne#dick grayson#gonna be honest I couldn't think of anything for Steph#and I feel like Cass occasionally isn't in prank wars because she's far too good at them#and the others can never win#also not sure on Duke#though he patrols during the day typically so he wouldn't really be featured in this scene anyways
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💢repressing compulsion💢
#ace attorney#miles edgeworth#fanart#capcom#i initially drew this as a vent as my job has been exasperating my mental illness but of course i still have to be professional#but then i realized it is very reminiscent of defendant freakouts so happy accident i guess?#the only scenario in which i think miles would express these feelings is directly before his 'faked' su*c*de attempt#which is a whole other discussion too i firmly believe that he Attempted and Failed and upon failing still needed desperately to#get the hell away from where he was.....#i think phoenix uncovering the reality of the dl-6 incident is an incredibly remarkable and world changing event for him#something about self ordained guilt to cope with grief because if i don't blame myself where can i possibly put all of this..?#completely shifts his perspective on himself#and the person he wants to be moving forward#so much rambling i'll stop for now#but yeah expect more ace attorney#God.#IT'S SO OVER FOR ME!
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????
#“only rich people have desktop computers” is a new one#should i kill myself#computers#agree w/OP about not blaming teenagers for this however#almost all of the computers in these screenshots are capable of vid editing and gaming etc#the mac is less useful of course but sometimes you want a mac#craigslist is also absolutely crammed with cheap RAM and guys who will build/install/upgrade for you as well#even if you know nothing about building a computer you can get a local nerd to do it for you for less than a phone costs
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Biblically accurate Angel
@xxqueenofdragonsxx I blame you for this
(From this post)
#and the worst part of this is that I can only blame myself#in class so editing is extra shitty but you get the point#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel memes#angel dust#angel dust hazbin hotel#whatever the opposite of art is#this is it#this is terrible
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Why do you think the tides have slightly turned from "Elia deserves better than Rhaegar" to shipping her and Rhaegar together? Like what is the psychology behind these people because I've seen some of them like/reblog anti Rhaegar posts while also shipping Rhaegar x Elia at the same time.
hey anon! my thoughts are a bit messy, but i’ve done my best to explain them coherently :)
so, rhaegar was the best man anyone could have when elia was alive, and most people want the best for their favs. he was considered the most handsome, didn’t have a bad personality, and he was crown prince—meaning elia was almost queen, which is often seen as the greatest role a woman can have. the narrative also treats rhaegar as a beautiful, tragic, haunting figure, and elia actually had this very aesthetically pleasing man all to herself at one point! she was married to him, had children with him, and her life was so close to perfect! but rhaegar just had to go and ruin it. 😠
for many elia stans, if rhaegar hadn’t fallen in love with another woman (they want him to have been a completely different character), then everything would’ve been perfect, and elia would’ve had the best, most desirable life. however, that’s not what happened—elia met a very tragic end, and as a result, these stans feel double the bitterness. because of this bitterness, they blame rhaegar for everything (even though it’s not logical to do so), but he’s just too ‘perfect’ to let go of. so, for years these stans have made rhaegar revolve around elia, filling his tag with posts about her out of bitterness. so, i do believe that this obsession with rhaegar x elia has always been there, but i think it’s become a more favorable stance on the elia stan side of the fandom because of a mix of reasons.
plus, rhaegar is one of the few canon relationships we know elia had, since she’s not much of a character. because of this, and the fact that most people don’t like to stray too far from canon, most elia stans are forced to focus on rhaegar, which has created an echo chamber. basically, if a sentiment about elia and rhaegar’s relationship becomes popular, then the whole elia stan side of the fandom will likely regurgitate the sentiment. (also, this desire to stick close to canon is likely why the elia x arthur ship was so popular. while it’s a total crack ship, it had good aesthetics, and since elia and arthur at least knew each other, it allowed the stans to create their perfect fanfiction whilst sticking it to rhaegar. but remember, elia was actually married to rhaegar and had children with him, so while arthur is cool, rhaegar was always ‘top dog,’ meaning arthur would never be able to match up to rhaegar to most elia stans. also, the arthur x elia crack ship is likely her second most popular ship, which just shows how little elia stans have to work with, so they’re always forced to eventually return back to rhaegar for a lot of things.)
however, even if the elia x rhaegar ship gains more popularity, these stans will never stop hating rhaegar because he wasn’t ‘perfect’—and he wasn’t perfect because he didn’t love elia. plus, rhaegar loving another woman and supposedly kidnapping her is what began the war that led to elia’s tragic death. that’s bitterness times 1000. and while i don’t actually blame rhaegar for the war, i do think that this is how an elia stan sees it. i also don’t view rhaegar’s complex relationship with elia as a bad thing—it’s actually a very realistic take on an arranged marriage between two decent people. but most elia stans will never be able to get over the fact that they almost had everything, which is why many have it out for lyanna, as they consider her a thief who ruined their ‘perfection.’
tbh, that might be why so many elia stans are so obsessed with the idea that rhaegar only got with lyanna because of the prophecy—they don’t want to believe that rhaegar actually loved a different woman and not their perfect self insert elia. that’s a bit mean of me… but i don’t know what else one would call the ‘elia’ elia stans have created.
now that i’ve laid all those thoughts out, i’ll try to explain why the tides seem to be turning… i think it may have something to do with the ‘targaryens are all evil and bad’ sentiment losing popularity. i think this shift has occurred due to a mix of factors, such as years of fandom fights and fandom cycles leading to the targs being more liked now than before. it helps that canon doesn’t actually condemn the targs/favors them quite a bit, and the influx of new targ fans from HOTD has also contributed. this combination of reasons seems to have shifted the way the mainstream fandom discusses all the targaryen characters, including rhaegar. so, with this shift, it’s only natural that some elia stans/elia x rhaegar shippers—who’ve always been there—are using this opportunity to push their agenda. while these stans still hate rhaegar and see him as the bad guy, they just can’t let go of him. and as the mainstream fandom moves away from the anti targaryen sentiment, these smaller corners of the fandom, which tend to be echo chambers, are also affected, which has therefore led to a rise in rhaegar x elia shippers and the ‘shifting tide’ that you’ve also noticed.
#‘if only rhaegar did this’ is a very common sentiment amongst elia stans#most stans have always had the ‘if only’ mindset#‘if only elia survived’ easily leads to ‘if only rhaegar didn’t run off with his whore’ as the targs become less hated#it’s kinda a pipeline? rhaegar anti plus elia stan leads to rhaegar x elia shipper who still hates rhaegar#another reason that a lot of this happens is because elia and the martells plus dorne are the good ‘others’ a person can like#while the targaryens are the ‘bad others’ one can safely hate as they’re white & have a bit of demon symbolism + come from an ‘evil’ empire#the targs also ruled over everyone so a lot of fans like pushing all the blame onto them for all the problems#however the targs are cool and they’re hot af and being royalty is the best! so they’re the ‘bad others’ one can safely hate#but people still want their aesthetic and want their favs to have what the targs had. all the cool magic + the aesthetic + danys monikers#so people can convince themselves that it’s okay and logical and right to hate the targs but most ppl will still connect their favs to them#of course… things have been shifting in the fandom which i’m very happy about#and all of these sentiments are combined and compressed when it comes to rhaegar and elias relationship#so any big shift on how the fandom views the targs will always affect the way rhaegar and elias relationship is viewed#it just so happens that the targs aren’t the evil dragon nazis anymore so it’s kinda okay for elia stans to ship him with her#i’m not gonna go through my tags and make sure they make sense so i’m simply hoping for the best#anyways… i hope i didn’t digress too much. i just found this shift so interesting so i couldn’t help myself#asoiaf fandom critical#anti elia stans#rhaegar targaryen#anti rhaegar x elia#house targaryen#valyrianscrolls#pro rhaelya#lyanna stark#rhaegar x lyanna#anon ask#thanks anon this was a fun topic to cover#i recently found a really old post about both elia and lyanna and boy… it was quite discusting to read#elia stans kinda cycle from ‘elia deserved better x crack ship with shallow aesthetic’ back to elia x rhaegar while shitting on rhaelya#just know that rhaegar is always the bad guy to them! the sentiment on lyanna will go from hot to cold but rhaelya is always bad as well!
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I didn't think it was possible to become gay for Zeus considering what I know about him from the myths, but DAMN 😳
I don't want Hera to get mad at me though, so I will simply admire from a distance.
You can look. But never touch~~
Squeek Squeek Sqeuuk!
#If you dont get that ref why havent you watched gravityfalls?#Dont get to comfy with the simping cuz I swear if I get another 20 anon asks wishing to see Ody gets rammed by a god I'm going to die.#And I can only blame myself.#asks#zeus#greek mythology#hera
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“She’s tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me”😤😤😤
(Regency AU with Eloise and Sebastian inspired by my slow trek through Bridgerton these days & @bassicallymaestra ‘s AMAZING regency inspired art😮💨😇🙏)
#I just have a love of big regency dresses what can I say😔🙏#if you haven’t seen them yet this is a study of the GORGEOUS P&P illustrations from the 1890s by Charles Brock#they are all just so spectacular & I stare at them alllllllllll the time wishing I had an ounce of his talent🙏🙏🙏#so I do these studies to pretend even though I change some things😅😅 bc these studies is the best way to improve imo🙏#but I remembered halfway through why I rage quit trying to draw with my fountain pen a year ago😂😂😂#that thing is amazing for writing and I love it like a child#but drawing?! tbh I should have used my drawing ink pen but whatever#I woke up with a hankering to do some crosshatching (which I hate) in an attempt to get over myself#also!!!!!! when Mr Darcy says something like that it’s no wonder Elizabeth jumps at the bit to believe every awful thing she hears about him#it’s like Mr wickham’s dumb stories that nobody else in their right mind would believe#are speaking right to her soul. like OF COURSE that asshole from the assembly would do all of those things😤😤#he called me ugly so OF COURSE he would deny mr wickham his living😤😤#(I don’t blame her I would do the same🤝🤝)#ALSO why tf did he even say that when he’s clearly smitten from the beginning#I’m sure if he knew that she heard him he would simply perish from mortification#well thst is my p&p - inking horror - inspiration rant of the day🙏🙏#(I read p&p at least once a year & it is the only fanfic I really read😅😅😅)#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise#eloise babbit#regency au
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not to gotpost but my god they hated catelyn. like it was quite obvious they were not comfortable adapting a mother character who was emotionally abusive to one of the children in the household, and they either didn't have the time or didn't care enough to talk about the systemic prejudice bastards suffer in westeros and how that intersects with the disenfranchised status of noblewomen and the fundamental inequality of marriage, which obviously doesn't excuse catelyn's behaviour towards jon but gives you context to understand why she is like that. instead they framed it as an exclusively interpersonal conflict wherein catelyn was sort of made to look like the only one in the blasted continent who took issue with bastards and then this was turned into half of her personality which is how we got that incredible monologue about everything bad that has ever happened to the starks is because she 'couldn't love a motherless child'. now the really insidious thing about this is i'm certain the writers thought they were doing her character a favour, making her more likeable by having her expound on her flaws, because to them nothing was more discomfiting than a woman who would go to her grave completely unrepentant about being an inadequate mother, and i think this is also why they made her out to be so passive, constantly wanting to leave robb so she can return home to her youngest, because isn't that what a good, devoted mother would do? having littlefinger trick her into releasing jaime instead of it being a conscious and risky gamble because god forbid she exhibited any agency, even the agency to make mistakes in a tragedy. they turned her into a poor helpless woman who exists largely in the background for some audience sympathy, which is arguably the genre expectation her character is intentionally set up to fly in the face of in the books. because the northern war effort in books 1-3 was never robb's story, it was catelyn's. and they didn't get it. they didn't get it.
#not to gotpost. drafts an entire rant. sorry but as a catelyn enjoyer i was ready to kill myself right in season 1#i think the only time i liked her show portrayal was the final few minutes of the red wedding but that was too late. what's the point then#also the thing about all this is that most people don't bring up ned's decision to separate a child (theon) from their family#and raise them as a hostage whenever they're giving impassionate speeches about catelyn and jon#so ned is allowed to be a sympathetic actor under the oppressive structures of feudalism but not catelyn :)#also the elephant in the room re jon is once again ned but neither catelyn nor jon can even think to blame him. which is another discussion#hope nobody misinterprets this post as 'jon deserved it'. that's a whole new sentence. not my beliefs and i don't respect them#*[🫀]#catelyn stark#asoiaf
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Recovered photo of Joey Drew. Taken December 31, 1944, during a New Year's Eve party at the Arch residence, photographed by George Parker. Photo depicts Mr. Drew shaking hands with an unknown man in a hat. Attempts to identify the man and his whereabouts have been unsuccessful. -The ArchGate Preservation Society.
-Record-
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Alternatively: 'Unknown' - Return to the Studio AU.
Even though he was the one who personally invited every guest at the party, when Joey later asked him who the "strange man" was, Nathan had no idea who he was referring to, even with Drew's specifics.
After several years have passed, looking back at the photo, Nathan still has no idea who this man is or how he got into the party.
Joey described the encounter as something that "started out pleasantly, and ended on a very uncomfortable note."
#bendy and the ink machine#batim#bendy and the dark revival#batdr#the ink demonth#joey drew#bendy oc#batim oc#return to the studio au#bendy au#crookedsmileart#also ALSO alternatively: ''I put Joey in yet another uncomfortable situation because I like putting him in misery#cuz that's what he deserves <3'';#fellas; I'm not gonna lie; I'm feeling the drive to do Ink Demonth prompts dying#I think I'll do two more prompts; and after that? time to throw in the towel#I'll be able to reach/surpass the number of prompts I did last year; which was 10. which I'm fine with to be honest.#I also want to move on to drawing other things so I think this is the best decision#it was fun; and as always; it was obvious that I wasn't going to finish the event#but I did what I could and wanted to do#any other ideas I had for the event maybe I'll do another day when I feel like it#but besides the two I'm still going to do? that's it.#let's end the event in a good way (and better than last year)#and yes; one of those two prompts will be putting Joey in a bad situation. again lol.#look the ideas I have are the only ones I can do in the timeframe I've put myself in#one of them coincidentally involves putting Joey in a bad situation again; can you really blame me for that GBAWOERBGUWP
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Credits to; Me.
If you see this anywjere other than here or @/Mhay_B on instagram, that's not me, please report!
(Also, yes. I'm an idiot who forgot to sing it ✨️)
Anyway, I've been getting back into Hazbin Hotel lately, and I love this cute lil spider so, I drew him!
This was originally meant to be just a quick sketch of angie, and it ended up taking me 6¾ fucking episodes of Hazbin Hotel to make ✨️
I love this lil dude so much srsly...
I rarely buy plushies.. but I did buy the Angel Meow from Theplushshop cuz I love Angie so much 🫥 and I love him ✨️
#angel dust#angel dust hazbin hotel#angel dust fanart#angel dust art#hazbin hotel#hazbin art#hazbin hotel fanart#hazbin fanart#vivziepop#blake roman#I fucking love this lil spider dude I'd give my fucking soul to hug him hes so cute omfg omfg omfgggggg hraaaaa I love himmmmmm#I'm so normal about him#Spider dude#Spider#Poison#I'm not above a love to cash in#Another lover underneath those flashin' lights#Another one of those ruthless nights#Yeah#yeah#I shoulda guessed that this would happen#I shoulda known it when I looked in your red#hot eyes#Spewin' all your red#hot lies#What's the worst part of this hell?#I can only blame myself#'Cause I know you're poison#You're feedin' me poison#Addicted to this feelin'
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something i didnt say over here but probably should-
i, in truth, dont know if im actually as annoying or "childish" or aggressive as i feel like im being
i feel like, i got a uniquely bad case of autism obsession and over-emotionality, constantly guilty for feeling so much, like me failing to keep my own emotions under control is purely a failure on my part, like i shouldnt feel this much, i am not allowed to feel like this, no one else seems to fail it like i do, over and over again i get overwhelmed by my own feelings and even if it isnt a full breakdown-
(meltdown? which i think is soemthing else and honestly ..... i do not want to have ever again, its the ultimate loss of control where i dont even feel like im piloting my own body, like im possessed by something, which is not really something that happens online, that is a thing that happens to me rarely in real life)
- i still feel so overwhelmingly stupid, like you jsut watched yourself turn into a toddler screaming bloody murder bc mom didnt buy the thing you wanted, and then are suddendly back to yourself but to everyone else you didnt change at all so everyone looks at you like you just lost your mind over nothing and thats just how you are normally
that together with being online and people likely seeing only a fraction of who you are, plus my tendency to ... be like this mostly when im not liking something just .... makes me feel so damn guilty, maybe something like public shame too? or the old problem of feeling like a burden?
i dont know, i cant seem to imagine people can see me like that and not be annoyed or weirded out by it, especially when they only realyl see that side of me, and i feel so damn guilty for it, the class weirdo who randomly starts to cry over seemingly nothing like i have always been, and i shouldnt be, i should have grown and gotten better and be in control at all times by now i just ... "havent tried hard enough"
#ganondoodles talks#personal#thanks to the people that did reach out#and those who said they dont read it like that#i just ... still feel like im being that way when i shouldnt#theres an acceptable level of how much you can feel before it gets 'weird'#and i keep letting myself exceed it#i have lost people over me being too much like that#and theres barely a day where i dont feel guilty for it#i cant blame them obviously#i blew up unreasonably after all#and the guilt never leaves#it never leaves me alone- anytime i have tried to fix it i made things worse#i should be better at this at this point- why do i keep failing it#no matter how far i think i get there will always be a point where i will fail at it#and it will add to guilt bc the pile never gets smaller- you can only add to it#each time feels worse .....
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