#I can but my own weed

[trickstarbrave]

Having to say “I’m a big girl I can buy my own weed” is not a conversion I ever expected to have with my mother but here we are

[me-beef]

@strangeravatar made a great point

i was gonna focus on the spike-hotboxing-celestia aspect but i got distracted somewhere along the way and i think i forgot what joke i was trying to make

but dont you think its interesting how many guards of the exact same color/body type she's managed to accrue?? i do

ooohh you want to go look at our stickers so bad

[skrunksthatwunk]

actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.

he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.

a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).

but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.

and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.

he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.

and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal

[saturnaous]

finding a distinct lack of weed related things in fma. I got my posts back so in the spirit of 420 I’m offering this doodle from the other day ‼️ go smoke some weed

[wigglywantshiswrath]

Uhm uh uhhh trips and falls and poorly humanizes the evil bird man

RRAAAH I AM WEIRDLY INSANE ABT EZEKIEL FROM NIGHTMARE TIME 2 EPISODE 2. HE IS ALL THAT HAS BEEN ON MY BRAIN!! I thought it'd be silly to make in the Antichrist AU that the Lords brought him back cuz they thought he was silly and they made him a human-sona basically. He's still monotone and weird though. Just now with ADDED HANDSSSS

no one ask how tf I humaned this. idfk.

[shitouttabuck]

i know no one is awake but if you are please be proud of me i’m so brave and strong because instead of writing fic like i really wanted to i sat down for four hours and wrote a fully researched and referenced 1000 word marine bio paper for my last grad school application because it’s due in a few days and i’ve been procrastinating it since january

[milkweedman]

Made a ply ball to make this plying less annoying. I still have fiber left to spin, but I've decided to get started on plying anyway.

This is the suffolk/hampshire blend I've been working on, on and off, for the last couple months.

Nearly there.

Also, some snowdrops for your trouble.

[appallinnballin]

U ever think abt how much ruv loves his wife? Bc I do, I do all the time

I DOOO I DOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DO WAY TOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK

[spockandawe]

i ate'nt dead

Here's a VERY mediocre midnight picture where i managed to lose the reflection on the foil i was photographing while catching it for every other book on the table, but! BUT! I haven't forgotten this all exists. All the binderary books are ready to photograph, as soon as I can scrub the green paint from my fingers, apply new polish to the nails, clean a table, and find a few minutes when I'm not running late for a meeting. This year has been.... so tired and lethargic, but simultaneously, so overstuffed and frantic. Honestly not super into it!!!!

[bondagebimbo]

LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.

and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠

I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.

I’m just. I give up.

this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭

[cator99]

I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care

[menlove]

the thing about growing up too fast is that so many people think fondly on their childhood as a time they got to rely on other people and be carefree. but when you were parentified & abused in a poor family, that's just genuinely never a thing. and it's actually like. super depressing & demeaning to know that you've been the only one there for yourself your entire life and that has never changed. like you learned the lesson of "I'm the only one I can rely on to get me out of shit" by the time you were old enough to think

so by the time you're an adult and you do now have to pay your own bills and do your own chores and deal w your own adult life, that's a struggle your peers are just getting used to & can sometimes find exciting and new and doable. but when you've been doing that Forever it's kind of just like

Okay. and when is it my turn to lean on someone? to let someone take the reigns and not have to think? and the answer is, of course, never. because you're an adult Forever now & you didn't get the chance to rely on others as a kid and you're far too responsible Now to stop and let go of responsibilities like some of your peers

heinous

[gandalfsbignaturals]

sometimes i rly do feel like an oracle. few practical skills or remarkable physical capabilities, but im great at advising people on their problems

[fiftysevenacademics]

Tomatoes my wife grew and basil that I grew (cheese and olive oil we bought at the store)

[plasticross]

projecting my sober woes onto jury

[allgremlinart]

by the power of timezones ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!! yay yay yay happy birthday matty hope it’s a good one ♥️♥️

wub wub... thank you..