#I came back from hell to kill you
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
oksurethisismyname · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media
707 notes · View notes
the-music-maniac · 11 months ago
Text
How to get your brainwashed husband back - a tutorial by Roronoa Zoro:
Tumblr media
Exhibit A:
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Tiddies
Aka I got tired of crying over zosan angst
4K notes · View notes
danandfuckingjonlmao · 1 month ago
Text
good night and sweet dreams to the best, sexiest, sluttiest, smartest, realest, most based, valid, relatable, girlipop, sympathetic, cunt, fun, cool, feminist, aspirational girlboss character in dead boy detectives: doll spider <3
good night to her and no one else. i hope the rest of y’all have a bad night and terrible dreams.
#doll spider did nothing wrong ever#i will defend her every action in a court of law#‘she tore edwin apart millions upon millions of times in hell’ wouldn’t you?#some gay nerd shows up in your house saying shit like ‘oh my how filthy this establishment reflects very poorly on the host’#he’s sashaying and sauntering down your halls and pivoting and you’re like ‘hang on i’m supposed to be the cuntiest bitch here’#so yeah you tear him apart like WHATEVER this shit happens#but he keeps getting reborn and like it’s fine when he’s quiet but every time he makes a noise you just HAVE to kill him again#i bet she was so happy when he escaped and SO MAD when he came back#and then the whole payneland in hell scene she was so real#she interrupted whatever gay shit charles was gonna say to edwin after ‘mate i’ve-’ bc she knew it would be disgusting & didnt wanna hear it#and then they HAD to just KEEP BEING GAY ON THE STAIRS LIKE OF COURSE SHE CHASED THEM OUT?? THAT ORPHEUS AND EURYDICE LINE WAS UNACCEPTABLE#SHE WAS LIKE GET THESE F*GS OUT OF MY HOUSE#she did what she had to do to set boundaries and honestly is that so bad?#thank you doll spider for protecting us from more devastatingly romantic charles rowland lines <3#dbdshow#girlbossifying doll spider is so funny to me idc if no one sees this. this is for me. and for her <3#payneland#edwin payne#save dead boy detectives#renew dead boy detectives#yeet my deet#yeet my deebd#dbd4ratch#revive dead boy detectives#chedwin#the case of the very long stairway#dead boy detectives#dbda#dead boy detective agency
131 notes · View notes
luck-of-the-drawings · 3 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
OOH YEAH BABY ITS THE SURGERY EPISODE BABY!!! ME AND THE HOMIES NEED SOME NEW FACES FOR OUR NEW PLAN, AND WHO BETTER TO GET THE JOB DONE THAN THE TWO MOST EVIL PEOPLE WE'VE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF HAVING OUR LIVES VIOLATED BY? I MEAN IT WOULD BE FUNNY. IT WOULD BE FUNNY.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw blood#cw gore#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#vex waylin#viv waylin#MY FAVORIT EP!! HAVNT SEEN IT IN FOREVER THO BC WELL. IM BUSY. SO BEAR W ME IM RUNNIN OFF ALOTTA MEMORY FUMES#ALSO EDIT BC FUUUCK I HADMORE TAGS BUT TUMBLR FUCKEN ATE EM. OH WELL. MY DMS R OPEN IF U WANNA UNLOCK RAMBLES.#I LOVE THE WAYLIN TWINS SSSOO FUCKING MUCH IM SO!!! CURIOUS ABOUT THEM!!! WHO WERE THEY WHEN THEY WERE HUMAN? HOW LONGVE THEY BEEN ARND?#I LOVE IT WHEN PPL SAY ITS LIKE THESE TWO WERE MADE FOR MMEE BC YES!! YES!! ITS EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT FROMA CHARACTER!!!#I LOVE THEIR RED WHITE N BLACK COLOR SCHEME. I LOVE HOW THEYRE BOTH SO INTELLIGENT AND GENIUS N YET THEYRE DUMB AS FUUUUCK#COOOMICAL SUPER VILLAINS. OOH ILL GET YOU NEXT TIME SHAMIA SHAMAI!!! HOW DARE YOU FOIL MY PLAN!! MY PLANS OF MUTILATING AWAKE N ALIVE PPL#COMICAL AND YET. GENUINELY HORRIFYING. VIV CAN MAKE UR BONES EXPLODE JUST BY THINKING ABOUT IT. VEX CAN BECOME SOUP#WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT THAT MORE? THE TURNING INTO RED MEAT SLIME?? METAL AS FUUUCK. I ALSO LOVE HOW SCARED THEY GOT SO QUICKLY#THIS LIL FUCKEN RRRRRAT COMES IN. AND WELL. HES JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHERS. WE FUCK HIM UP N TOSS HIM INTO THE SUN N LET HIM BURN#SURE HE HAD ONE MORE TRICK OF REBELLION UP HIS SLEEVE BUT THE SUN HAS TAKEN HIM NOW. ITS FINE. WE'RE FINE. HEY IS THERE SMTH IN THE CEILING#OHHH WE KILLED HIM ONCE N HE CAME BACK. WE KILLED HIM AGAIN N TOOK HIM APART BUT THEN HES BACK?? HE GETS AWAY AND THEN. COMES BACK. AGAIN.#WE CANT GET RID OF HIM. THAT FOUL SHAMIA SHAMAI. A MOUSE IN OUR KITCHEN. FUUUUCK HES GONNA SPREAD DISEASE! KILL IT! KILL IT!! AAAUUGH FUCK!#I LOVE THAT THE WAYLIN TWINS AGREED TO HELP THE BLONDE TWINS MOSTLY ON THE BASIS OF 'IT WOULD BE FUNNY' BUT ALSO#OOHHH WE ARE SO CLOSE TO REACHING SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM NNEEVER FUCK WITH US AGAIN. HIS ILLUSIONS WILL HAUNT US NO LONGER#THEY WERE SSSOOO PARANOID W ALL THE CAMERAS AND BOMBING THEIR OWN LAB AND RUNNING AND RUNNING AND GETTING AWWAY FROM THIS FUCKEN! MOUSE!!!!#OHHHH I THINK IM RUNNIN OUTA ROOM so ill talk about da art real quick.BEEN WORKIN ON THIS FOR A WHIIILE.ALOTTA THESE were started when the#ep came out.so OLD!! BUT DONE!!and im very very happy w my colors n gore n EXPRESSIONS!! the top right corner comic keeps making me chuckle#I ALSO rly love the lil convo between arthur n viv.theyre SO CUTE TOGETHERR they should go ona museum date together or somethin#they need more time to just talk abt da World together.ALSO CAN I BE PETTY.I MADE ARTHUR UGLY CORRECT-STYLE#THESE BOYS KNOW NOTHING OF UGLY.I MADE THE VAMPIRIC FLESH EVOLVE N ROT N BLOSSOM AND THERE IS SQUIRMING WITHIN THE TENEBRAE#UHHH IEAH THIS GUY W A ROTTED N DISTORTED FACE WALKS INTO MY BIKE STORE IEAH IM SCREAAAMIN LIKE WADDA HELL!! MONSTOR!!!
119 notes · View notes
dayurno · 10 months ago
Text
this is somewhat of a vent post & something i said i would not do again but has been plaguing me enough that i think getting it out might feel better. so. has anydoggy else been. Baffled and upset by nora sakavic’s refusal to speak on how terribly aftg has treated its characters of color? with the author of the series coming back with a new book and starting up on her online activity again, and questions of what she’d change about aftg bubbling up, it’s particularly glaring to me that we are all playing this very long game of pretend where we ignore how badly the non-white cast has been treated & her lack of thoughts on it
and i understand not wanting to bring up nicky and thea because people pick on her for it. i’m not trying to discredit nora sakavic’s terrible history of getting harrassed online by aftg fans. but i think it is very cynical, and it is very juvenile, and most of all very cruel, that she gets to ignore the very real ways the books have set up these characters to be hated. i think it’s obvious why the characters who get the most hate are the only canonical characters of color, and i think we do not get to treat this like a deliberate decision on the fandom’s part when the books have put these same characters in degrading and embarrassing and terrible positions in the first place. aftg is not a story about nice characters with clean pasts, but there is a very specific nastiness to the only characters of color being a brown man who sexually harasses and later assaults the main character, a black woman whose only scene is her lashing out at her love interest after being ignored for the first two books, and the japanese villain who gets maybe two lines of complexity before he goes back to being a terrible person. the white cast, in comparison, while not at all free from flaws, are never shown to commit mindless evil; all of their actions are ultimately justified. the book goes out of its way to give them concession after concession. we know exactly who to side with, because aftg tells us who these people are. does nicky’s assault ever get addressed in the books? does riko’s reasoning to be the way that he is ever gets more than briefly aluded to? is thea reserved even a shred of humanity or grace in her one scene?
anyway. it’s been years of talking about this and the fandom has been constantly hostile to criticism in this regard, and more recently any criticism at all, and it’s Grating to be on the other side of this discussion. it’s exhausting to know that in ten years we do not get even an acknowledgment besides the author saying she will not answer questions about nicky and thea anymore. it’s upsetting and it’s ugly and i wish no one had to talk about this again, but we do because what i thought was common sense has been washed away by a sudden influx of no-nuance adoration for the trilogy. basically i hope we all explode
#this has been so upsetting to notice but 🥹whatever#there is a different kind of bitterness to thinking about how ten years have passed#and we are getting new content that changes and maybe even rectifies many of the ways we see and interact w aftg#and none of it not a bit of it addresses the racism#how it’s been ten years and the only thing we really get to show it is a book about a ship between two white men the fandom came up with#after seeing them be Suggested to interact in canon#i understand not wanting to hurt nora sakavics feelings by asking her about this#but imagine how tired we are. Imagine how tired we are#do you know how bad it feels to read through nicky’s worst moments in aftg#and know that he was written this way because he looks like me?#do you understand how exhausting it all is. can you imagine?#the fandom has been so quick to undo the criticism fans of colors have been making since day one#and for what. for what! my doves. for what?#have we come out of it any greater? have we done anything but lie to ourselves?#and anyway this is not some mindless pessimism#this is not me telling you that aftg is bad and you cant love it; cant have it mean anything to you#this is me saying that when we acknowledge these things it makes us better readers and better people#nora sakavic if you are reading this from whatever hellhole america you find yourself in#grabs you by the shoulders. This is not the end#this is not something to sit back and feel bad about#you have opened the floodgates of hell with tsc. kick the door in and release a revised version of aftg#there is a real material way for you to make this better. it is possible and it will not kill you#i would read a revised aftg. my mutuals would. many many many many fans would#making mistakes is not just a human right its a human inevitability#but we do not have to let ourselves get defined by them. We can do hard things#lets go of nora sakavics shoulders. anyway. where were we#aftg#txt#tsc
174 notes · View notes
thedreadvampy · 6 months ago
Text
sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
65 notes · View notes
grahamcarmen · 9 days ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
15 notes · View notes
floridagirlsmustdie · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
possibly my most self-indulgent oc yet & guess what. she’s for obey me
#obey me#oc : himura no chiyoko#the no is there for a reason#i love chiyoko… so much… ok what if :#you were essentially the heir of a clan of space pirates (not that that’s all the himura is but u get the picture) and. also somehow d#descended from a demon… and also you were kind of a sports star… and you came from 500 years in the future… and (during sport) you jumped#into the heart of a dying star after your childhood best friend / first love and somehow you end up in 21st century london so you do your#best & you generally do OK except said bff died going thru the star & you didn’t cos of ur demon heritage so you’re just alone here. so you#start various relationships all of which end with you getting your heartbroken because you’ve been in love with the same person since u#were 8 and ur not ready for the 21st century dating scene and then#you get abducted into what is basically hell as a ‘human’ exchange student when half of the time you Are Blue.#so you think OK maybe this is how i get home maybe they can time travel except they’re all DICKS to you and you (you are like 23/24 by the#way) cry in your closet every day because it’s just a Lot and then you FALL IN LOVE WITH SOME OF THEM and they seem to love u back#and for the first time since u left home u feel like maybe u can have a family again. because u left ur fam behind when u jumped into the#dying star remember. but then#this freak in the attic KILLS YOU and none of them do anything about it#so you move in with the hottie next door (mephisto)#but you are 1. hopeless 2. romantic 3. stupid 4. beautiful so you eventually rekindle things … and maybe even w the guy who killed u#idk i’m undecided if she romances belphie yet#we got mephisto lucifer mammon & levi for sure. maybe 4 husbands is enough for her#OH YEAH. AND YOURE STILL GRIEVING YOUR DEAD BFF/GF. UNTIL YOU REALISE YOURE ONLY STILL GRIEVING BECAUSE ITS ALL YOU HAVE OF HOME.#anyway that’s chiyoko 🥰
3 notes · View notes
unrestrainedbalderdash · 3 months ago
Text
Hate it when the brain starts braining but it's too dark outside to go out looking for birds
3 notes · View notes
ananke-xiii · 4 months ago
Text
S9E1 Castiel being freshly human, not understanding a thing of what's going on, fully aware that a.lot. of angels would very much like to kill him just.because meets a random angel on the street (Hael) and he's like: LET'S GO SEE THE GRAND CANYON TOGETHER, WOO-HOOO!
#do you understand what i mean?#i haven't really explained anything. just describing#but im looking fir people who understand my vision based on vibes alone#castiel#character of all time#spn s9#supernatural#spn angels#that frigging angel. im not gonna say he's the cause for heaven's eventual demise because angels do have a penchant for killing each others#but i love how he would not hesitate to kill his siblings and still asking/wanting to be one of them#and it's not a contradiction because: angels.but it does show how his connection to the heavenly host is not just about grace#when in s15 he tells dean that he and sam have each other. well. that line is fucking sad#because cas' family is the ultimate “family is hell” dysfunctional family#and i'm not 100% sure he's able to heal this trauma before he dies if i'm gonna be honest#like. who broke the connection? yes and no. more like: is the connection really broken?#cause it doesn't look like it. there's still a sort of spark of hope in castiel when it comes to angels#like he KNOWS there's nothing for him there but he still feels a tiny bit of longing that never goes away#it's heartbreaking really#i really wish the show had developed the “my grace is fading. dean” storyline#it came from nowhere and went to nowhere. it was just there to signal castiel's final self-actualization#but i mean did he really? mmmmmmh not sure about that#first and onlt thing we know is that he went back to heaven and reorganized the place. I MEAN. COME ON.#the relationship between that angel and heaven keeps me awake at night. i love it.#spn s9 is complicated
6 notes · View notes
quietwingsinthesky · 2 years ago
Text
I stand by the fact that the archangels have a single braincell between the four of them, and Gabriel is the one who has custody of it.
#he’s the only one here who makes (relatively) good choices#the bar is low but. he’s got his niche in the world. Thee Trickster#he’s like. mostly happy with the life he has. sure haunted by the one he lost/ran from#but also had the capacity to realize that getting the hell out of dodge was his best option and he was RIGHT#to anyone who sees this and goes: ‘no but isnt Raphael-‘ shut up silence shush#you don’t understand them like I do. you have been fooled by their regal demeanor and terrifying grief.#need I remind you. blew out the eastern seaboard for kicks. had to make sure Chuck didn’t accidentally kill himself falling down the stairs#every other day. saw that the apocalypse didn’t work and decided the logical conclusion was to just Do It Again But Better This Time#THEY HAVE WINGS MADE OF LIGHTNING PURELY FOR THE FUCKKNG DRAMA OF IT.#if you gave them both the same task. you might not be able to predict how either of them would solve it#but you could work back how Gabriel came to his conclusion and go yeah okay that probably made sense to you#raphael is going to return whatever problem you asked them to solve to you. and it will be solved. sure. but it will probably also be#unrecognizable as whatever you handed over. if you gave Raphael a pickle jar to open. well. it would be open. somehow it would not have#pickles in it anymore. you should probably not eat whatever is in there. it might bite you.#whereas if something in Gabriel’s pickle jar bites it’s because he thinks you’re a dick and it would be funny if a pickle bit your finger#I’m losing control of this metaphor#Michael & Lucifer aren’t even in the running btw. og bad decision bros.#supernatural#spn
47 notes · View notes
oksurethisismyname · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media
No but THIS meme as Zosan
Tumblr media Tumblr media
This meme but Zosan
58 notes · View notes
hauntingblue · 8 months ago
Text
Kaido lore?!
#THE GIRL SANJI HIT HAS A RAT???#if sanji kills the rat he is not going back... this poor woman tho....#sanji didn't really get to dight his siblings so now he is kinda doing it lmao#sanji didn't hit her?? queen did??? omg. sanji don't lose hope.... but i want you to kinda do and succumb to the germa ajskdha#nvm he figured things out.... got the rat and everything... sanji talking to himself with the cage on... yeah..... omg zeff and luffy <3#omg queen got yeeted.... the rat.....#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1061#king asking zoro if he is trying to be a king implies now that as sanji beat queen he is one. now when zoro beats king???. exactly.#omg... zoro dont kill king he is too pretty to die.... zoro.... i was wondering where all the nephilim fanart came from akdjsk#this is so slay... zoro with the king of hell enma fighting an angel.....#kaido with shackles in punk hazard???? is it bc he is an 'ogre'????#wtf.... zoro is seeing a biblically accurate angel akdjsns WAIT. did king say he isnt biologically capable of besting him.#and zoro said he doesnt like those types of excuses. because he is equaling that to what kuina said about being a woman.#please someone tell me this isnt the resolution to that. please. that is so stupid.#also wtf is zoro gonna do against that. thank god he learnt how to cut fire damn. thanks kinemon. hope izo and usopp find you soon#the music. the visuals. slay. oh :( goodbye my angel..... him thinking kaido is joyboy??? you've got it very twisted. it's kinda tragic#how his faith is misplaced and ends up defending evil and dying for it..... :(#the z on the end screen akdhaka.... now o want kaido lore. why was he im punk hazard. i mean ti be experimented on but there's gotta be more#you know whats funny. robin becoming a devil for luffy. zoro becomong king of hell for luffy. sanji just doesn't turn evil :) AHDHAJAJ#which actually could be the most dangerous maybe bc goodbye emotions xd even if the king of hell and a demon could end him#inch resting. i want more about lunarians?? and kaido now. also MORE about zoro and kuina... please that can't be it....#did i explain here how at least in the op spanish speaking fandom there is a gag that zoro is racist?? it started with that woman from bw#he just now killed a survivor of a nearly extinct (or extinct) race xd. you can appreciate why the gag exists#episode 1063#usopp looking for kinemon and the scene hes gonna walk into.... izo please get here soon....#usopp calling them suicidal samurais ajdhak he will cling to life sobbing and full of snot!!! EXACTLY!!! this is actually so helpful.....#like they really are suicidal samurais... committing seppuku for anything.... izo thank god. he's gonna get the kun treatment from now on#episode 1062
2 notes · View notes
batcavescolony · 9 months ago
Text
Jughead Jones would have beef with Michelle Obama over her 'Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids' Act back in 2010.
#reason i know this: im aroace and have beef with Michelle Obama over her healthy hunger free kids act of 2010.#like ok i get that kids should have healthy food but thats not what happened. they just made everything whole wheet and now we needed to#buy a fruit and veg that was either half rotten of from a can. if schools actually made heathy good food that would be one thing but#they didnt! we used to have these warhead ices and the food was good and we ate it all then 2010 hit and the food was suddenly shit#and with this came alot of food waste too no one wanted to eat the oranges that fell off the back of the truck and over cooked green beans!#jughead jones#jughead comics#archie comics#and i took culinary and putting kids in the room with other kids makes them tey new things. their's a way you can them to eat healthy food#its by having that food NOT TASTE LIKE ASS! and not LOOK LIOE ROAD KILL! and obviously im not actually hating at Michelle she had her heart#in the right place its just the road to hell is paved with good intentions. it didnt work. usa school lunch is a literal joke!#and also in part with this what getting kids to move more and that didn't happen either! you known what i would have done?#got rid of the physical fitness test and have kids play funs games. making kids compeat against each other is a shit way to get them to#enjoy exercise! let them play. dont make them compare themselves to their peers. dont stop fun play in elementary!#and maybe dont cut their portions at luch and have them movie more? if you want them to move they need fuel to move!#just i have thoughts about the health and hunger free kids act of 2010 and how it utterly failed.#michelle obama#the healthy hunger free kids act of 2010#school lunch#american school system#american school lunch program#comics#forsythe pendleton jones III#riverdale#yall get tagged get over it#aroace jughead#jughead#archie andrews#it fucked with school food and jughead loves food
2 notes · View notes
spideyladman · 11 months ago
Text
Thinking about the disturbing implications of Cain's story and destiny from the Bible rn
Tumblr media
#cw religion#no because like. cain didn't come out of the womb throwing rocks; how did he even think that it was healthy to stone his brother? it leads#me to believe that potentially; he either saw the angel war going on in the sky and thought that those who stayed in heaven and were treated#well; even with the violence that happened (from what he had seen and potentially heard); were. well how to say it. their actions were#normal. god created everything; and can think anything as normal. or he saw his parents fighting. i refuse to believe that adam and eve were#one of those healthy couples; even after the biting of the apple and getting kicked out of the garden of eden. i fear that cain and abel saw#the two fighting; potentially even going as far as to threaten each other with stones; and when the two excused it; the kids thought of it#as normal. keep in mind: violence is not born out of nowhere unless you're god; violence is taught; seen; heard of. it didn't make it any#better that there seemed to be no other people outside of the family yet that could tell them that that behaviour was wrong. so imagine#cain's shock upon seeing his brother not breathing. the shock that he murdered him. the shock that the threats that his parents did to each#other or that the angel war happening; were not normal. his brother was dead now. of course he had to lie when god came by. he quite surely#felt panicked to the point that he accidentally made a comeback to god. how could he not? he was a kid. they both were. and he felt regret.#he felt remorse. he felt anger to himself. and yet; god punished him. cain thought it was fair; because he killed his brother. but after a#while; it didn't seem fair. as he grew up; he thought that god telling him that he would be cursed to spend eternity roaming around the#earth would only last for until he was in his 30s. mortality rates were quite surely high back then; so he naturally thought that what god#said was metaphorical. because caine felt that way. that his remorse and anger and pain would roam eternally on earth. but after his#partner; and his children; and his grandchildren; and his great-grandchildren died; it didn't seem to be fair anymore. he wanted to die. he#had witnessed and felt everything: the flood; the crossing of the sea; the plagues; the goddamned everything. he still felt pain. he knew#why he was cursed; but he felt like what god did; was just plain cruel. he felt as though purgatory and getting juried out to see if you#were getting sent to hell or to heaven; was much more simplier; and had less pain; than dealing with the fact that you were now just a#walking body. something that used to be a person. something that should've been dead a long time ago. and yet. he was still alive. he just#wanted it to end. he knew what he did was wrong. but he just wanted to go back home. he wanted to start from scratch and be protective of#his brother and run away from god's view. but he couldn't now. he was cursed. he is now just a legend. a myth. a terror tale amongst the#folks in several towns that swear that they had seen him amongst the shadow. he must've been. after all; he looked ghastly enough to have a#tale or two written about him. ...would cain go near jesus? to ask him to please grant him mercy from this thing that he had now become?#or would he frightened? fearing that jesus would be as cruel as his god? obviously caine would be worried. jesus is supposed to be god's#child after all... i don't know it's just he reminds me of twilight sparkle and i just had to write this down-#cw corpse#spideygal#spideygal oc
5 notes · View notes
tenrose · 2 years ago
Text
It's cool because I'm no longer really depressed. Not exactly, I think.
However, I still have this problem I've never been able to get rid of. I have the idea of doing a thing but then my brain goes blank and I don't do the thing. If it's a mandatory thing I will at some point do it but like with guilt, anxiety, stress and quickly and badly. But the worse part is for hobbies. I do have ideas, desire but still I don't do the things. It absolutely make zero fucking sense. It's like my brain is lacking a connection between the thought and the execution of it. It's draining all of my energy. I don't know what to do with it.
Honestly as much as I don't like working, it's kind of a good thing that I have a job, obviously for money, but also to have a somewhat healthy pattern. It's not that healthy because I go to bed later than I should be and so I'm always tired. What I mean is that I have to cook, shower etc. And I do this because of work. I know this because every weekend everything fall apart from Friday to Sunday 18:00 when the guilt finally kick in. Like, I do enjoy cooking but somehow it's easier for me to cook for work than the weekend when I barely eat anything and at weird hours. So yes I perfectly know that if I didn't have a job I would be a total mess. And that's why unlike some of my colleagues I can't quit and give myself two months of rest before actively applying for a new job, I know it won't happen (also obviously money and even though I saved some I suffer from what I call "ex poor syndrome" so even though I know I could technically survive a few months without a salary my anxiety will never ever allow me to quit without having something to bring me money at the end of the month). So yes the plan is to apply to stuff till I have a the certainty to have a new job, then quit and take all my vacation days and maybe a few extra days. Problem is the energy needed to search for a new job. Similarly I kinda think about trying once again to do something about my driving licence, because I know I will have more chances to find a job, I could go live more in a suburb less expensive area and also the reality of adulthood since my grandpa hit me that I will need to be able to drive to take care of my parents someday. But then again my brain don't want to hear anything about it. So obviously I'm like, well then let's chill and let's do something we like. Writing about the books I finally read, collages, gif making, writing, I don't know literally drawing ugly doodles in a notebook? But even for this my brain shut down. It's exhausting I really don't know what to do with it anymore.
My brain literally lack the "click" thing that activates the whole process.
#genuinely have been thinking for months about doing a adhd diagnosis but yeah... this too i can't do it#first of all i don't even know how these diagnosis are made and by who#second of all I'm pretty sure it's just me being lazy and not wanting to take responsibility for it#but i have a friend who is now under a medicine#and like she has pills that make her do things?????#like not antidepressants#antidepressants never made me do things either they just stopped me from killing myself which is you know great#they were doing their job I wasn't crying no more#but like i still was a blob in my bed when i was not at work....#i want to do things now....#like i want to deep clean my apartment because im tired of it#but it requires way too much energy#i want to start looking for a new job but again energy#i want to maybe find a healthy activity like book club or hell even sports to do outside of work so i ca' see people and all#but the thought of it... it's draining my brain#i want to do collages but again no energy#and then my friend is like 'yeah the other day i came back home there were dishes to wash and i washed them' and I'm like#WHAT ?????#there is a pill for this????#how can i have this? sounds like magic#i just can't imagine doing a thing the second i think about it#all my family relatives like to say this is about self discipline#and to an extent i agree#i mean everybody at some point push back something even normal people#problem is i do this with EVERYTHING#it's not a one day laziness#it's an eternal laziness#and anyway I really wants to know where in my brain this comes from#and how to get rid of it#you'd notice that for someone with now energy I ramble A LOT and that's because in this aspect i have no filters and that too is exhausting
10 notes · View notes