#I bet some of it will get easier/faster as I just learn what to do

[whentherewerebicycles]

I am worried that this is going to sound judgemental / passive aggressive and I really really really do not mean it that way, I am just confused and curious - what is it that keeps parents of newborns so busy? I thought they didn't really... do much until they got more mobile? I know you have to change the diapers and clean the bottles etc but what actually takes up your time on a daily basis atm? needless to say I have zero experience with newborns lol

I also wondered this!! but it turns out it’s really more all the other Stuff that takes up so much time + the fact that you only have very short windows of time to do that stuff before the baby needs you again. like here is an average morning and early afternoon right now:

6:30-7 wake up, take dogs out, get pump parts out of sterilizer, grab breakfast to take upstairs if he’s not already screaming

7-7:35 feed baby (babies are such slow eaters I’m told they get faster but for the first three weeks it would often take him an hour to finish a bottle and you can’t do anything else while he’s doing it)

7:40-8:20 pump and hang out with baby (I have to pump for a long time bc my supply is so low)

8:20-8:30 put milk away, change him, get him dressed (a battle of wills but I’m bigger)

8:30-9:45ish he naps if I’m lucky! race around the house cleaning out all the bottles from overnight, mixing new formula for the day, emptying the dishwasher, doing any other house chores

9:45-10ish he’s awake again and HUNGRY!! try to distract him a bit to determine if he’s actually hungry or just cranky/gassy

10-10:35ish feed him again

10:35-11:45ish he’s awake and wants to be held and entertained so I hang out with him or try to do stuff one-handed while carrying him around the house. also often I have to change him again.

12-1ish longish crib nap if I’m lucky!! try to shower, take the dogs out again, maybe start laundry bc babies make SO much laundry, do anything else on my list. sometimes he skips the nap and just decides to spend that time screaming. sometimes he wants to nap but will only do it while being held in which case none of the above stuff can get done

1-2 feed him! but this time he’s gassy and grumpy and refusing the bottle or sleepy and refusing the bottle so it takes forever and I have to burp him a bunch or do stuff to wake him up more so he’ll eat

2-2:40 whoops I forgot to pump again and I’m leaking everywhere gotta do that while I hang out with him

2:45-3:45 try to walk the dogs with the baby while he naps in the stroller except I have to walk the dogs separately bc I can’t handle them both + the stroller so we do two 20-30 min walks with a cooldown break to change him at home & make sure he’s not too hot

3:45-4:15 whoops I forgot to eat lunch but now he’s screaming for no reason that I can discern so I gotta walk around bouncing him or do skin to skin time to help him calm down

4:30ish time to feed him again! I’ll never eat lunch but I have high hopes for dinner maybe like a poptart around 9pm!

etc etc

[yggdrasilhypno]

Come here to gamble your days away, huh?

Not to say that I can blame ya much, seems like about everyone comes in here hoping to score big on somethin’.

Lucky day for you though, I’ve been needing a new volunteer for our newest attraction.

You see, ol’ hoss upstairs has been wanting new games out on the floor. You know, to get the ol’ folks all riled up.

They want the new fancy shmancy stuff, meanwhile we’re a bit more old fashioned.

We like our classics.

And what’s more classic than a good game of cards?

Though, we run things a bit differently here, of course.

Instead of the simple blackjacks or pokers, we prefer the game we dub “Eyeball.”

Never heard of it? It’s easy, I’ll show ya.

All you gotta do is keep your eyes on the cards in front of you and bet on the one in my hand, that’s all it is to it.

Sounds like a magic trick, huh? Kinda is, I gotta admit.

But, whatever gets people through the doors, you know?

So then, let’s start easy. Heck, I’ll give ya a freebie round, just to learn.

Four cards here on the table.

Simple ones too.

We got an Ace of Spades, Ace of Clubs, Ace of Hearts, and Ace of Diamonds.

All you gotta do is watch this Ace of Clubs for me, gotcha?

Keep those eyes on the card, because now it’s going in my deck.

All four cards bein’ shifted around in my hands, keeping those pretty eyes on my Ace of Clubs.

Just keep those eyes on me here, darlin’.

Each card moving around blurrin’ just a bit more in your eyes.

It gets hard to keep track of after a while anyways.

Maybe it’s best if you sit still and really focus on your card.

After all, you gotta win, right?

You want that big payout.

And so, those eyes are just glued to the card, shiftin’ all round now.

And, boom. Here we are.

Four cards on the table. All flipped over.

Which one’s that Ace of Clubs, darlin?

Hard to remember? Come on, you can throw out a guess for me.

Tell you what, guess right and you get some chips, on me.

Just don’t tell my ol’ boss about this, you hear?

Alright, go right on ahead and choose.

Hey hey, you got it right.

Feels amazing when you get it right on the money, huh?

Like you’ve been rocked with endless euphoria under the warmest of suns?

Yeah, that’s the hit of a gambler, alright.

Tell you what, I’ll give you another round here.

But, I throw in the full deck, just so that you get all my rules. Deal?

Good to hear, partner. Let’s hit this one on the head then.

You’ll be looking for this exact Ace of Hearts.

Got your eyes glued on tight onto it?

Keep those eyes on it now.

We don’t want you losing any money now, do we?

Of course, your brain could think about that right now, but it’s too caught up focusing on my cards shuffling and shifting around in my hands.

It’s way easier to worry about which card is gonna make you a winner here, you know.

Keep those eyes on it as my hands go faster and that Ace of Hearts gets thrown around more and more.

My careful hands, seemingly teasing you with the way I’m pulling and pushing the card around in front of you, almost giving away the answer.

Right before i stop, just like that brain of yours.

Right in its tracks.

And I set the cards all down.

And we wait now.

Tell me what card’s yours, hotshot.

Hard to tell, ain’t it?

You know what? I’m a nice guy, we’ll just slide this one as a win for me and you can keep enjoying that nice feeling of nothin’ in your head.

Don’t worry, I’ll just take a few chips here and there while you keep watchin’ the pretty cards a-movin’.

After all, it’s a way better feeling knowing those chips are going right back to the hands that keep shuffling that ol’ brain around, right?

Exactly.

Speaking of that brain, I’m guessing you can hear the casino slowing down around us, huh?

The roulette wheel spinnin, much like that brain o’ yours going around and around, each thought being spun outta control with each game.

Maybe you can hear the slots spinning round and round too, seemingly mixing up your thoughts one by one.

The pretty coins coming out of the machine, shiny and distracting as that pure metal creates that cha-ching you can’t help but love.

Those sounds all creating that perfect atmosphere for a jackpot.

Ah, you felt that? Very good.

Whenever people hear jackpot, they get all antsy.

They can’t help but get excited and overjoyed for obvious reasons.

That payout coupled with all the flashing lights and pleasure that comes with is euphoric.

That’s why whenever I say jackpot, I like to put an emphasis on it.

To really get you to understand how lucky you are.

How lucky you are to be at my table.

How lucky you are for me to handle your chips here.

How lucky you are to be doing so well right now.

You’re on a hot streak, after all.

So keep watching the cards in my hand, shuffling your brain all around.

Scrambling your mind as only I can.

Looking for the cards I tell you to.

Already forgot your card? No problem at all, darlin’.

Just keep those eyes on the cards and no doubt you’ll find one you like.

You do want the jackpot, right?

You wanna win that big burst of pleasure?

Then all you gotta do is give me aaaaall those chips of yours.

Every one of your thoughts, in every one of those chips.

No need to think anymore when you have nothing to think about, right?

Then you can get back to being happy n’ hollow, just the way you should be.

After all, having all those chips is so stressful.

So many numbers and things to keep up with.

It’s better when my words are tellin’ ya what cards you need and what thoughts you think.

It’s better when you’re just watching the cards shuffle your brain all around, like a twister of bliss.

It’s better when you don’t have a single thing to worry about.

It’s better when you’re all out of chips, darlin’.

So why don’t we make a wager then?

All in for the jackpot. What do you say?

That’s what I like to hear.

So then, let’s see if you can find the Ace of Spades here.

Keep your eyes on the card and keep your mind off the game.

All those noises in the background just letting you go deeper into this state of pure bliss.

All you want is that jackpot.

That explosion of euphoria and pleasure.

And you’ll get it soon enough.

Just find me the Ace of Spades when I…

Stop.

And put down one card on the table.

Wanna tell me what it is, darlin’?

Right-o, Ace of Spades.

Jackpot.

Ride it out, feel that high hit your brain and let aaaaaall those thoughts go away.

All those chips go to me.

All your thoughts are mine.

And finally, that mind is all on me right now.

So then, wanna play a few more rounds?

[mysteryshoptls]

R Leona Kingscholar - Outdoor Wear Vignette

"Beside myself with worry"

To the requestor: Outdoor Wear voice lines can be found here.

[Dwarfs' Mine – Campsite]

―First Day of Vargas Camp

Epel: Woah, here come the fairies again for our campfire! Everyone, be on your guard so it doesn't blow out…!

Spelldrive Club Members: YEAH!

Leona: ….Tch. Yer all so noisy.

Epel: Oh…? Leona-san, you're out of your tent already?

Epel: It was only 20 minutes ago that you said you were gonna take a nap…

Leona: This time of day's got sun so bright it's even lighting up the inside of my tent.

Leona: And right whenever I feel like I could get to sleep, there's you lot all yappin' about them fairies every time they show up...

Leona: There's no way I can grab a few z's like this.

Epel: I'm sorry… Oh, what about heading to the mine, then?

Epel: Just a bit ago, Ruggie-san said something to that regard as he was leaving the campsite.

Epel: He said, if you were to wake up saying it was impossible to sleep here…

Epel: That a "secluded, quiet, and dark mine would be the best place for a nap."

Leona: Ugh… I'm betting Ruggie's planning on roping me into something annoying.

Epel: Huh…? Something annoying?

Leona: Whatever, I guess I'll bite.

Leona: I'm heading to the mine. Don't let those fairies run you ragged.

Epel: Yessir, we'll definitely protect our campfire!

[Dwarfs' Mine – Interior]

[clank, clank, clank!]

Jack: Whew… I can't find a single magestone… What about you, Deuce?

Deuce: I've tried picking all over the place, but… No luck here.

Deuce: Looks like the Spelldrive Club down the way is having trouble too… Guess collecting magestones is actually pretty difficult.

Leona: Can't believe you're all getting tripped up by something this easy. You're all so pathetic, huh.

Spelldrive Club Member A: Oh, Leona-senpai! Did you come to check up on your club members?

Leona: Oh, yeah, sure. I was just so beside myself with worry, 'cause it was taking you all too long to get back.

Leona: …Hey! Listen up, each and every single one of you here! I'll teach you all the trick to finding magestones.

Jack: Eh, you are…?

Deuce: Every one of us…? Does that include all us other clubs too?

Leona: It's just a waste of time if you're just randomly swinging your pickaxes at the rock wall.

Leona: Don't you guys even know how magestones are made?

Leona: Basically, gemstones absorb power from its surroundings and become magestones.

Leona: When you're mining for 'em, you want to locate the faint traces of magical output from those magestones, and start digging in that general area…

Jack: Oh, right. Now that you mention it, we learned that in class. Guess I didn't look over it enough to remember to do that.

Deuce: I see!! Then, I'll get down to it…!

Leona: …Buuut, that's just what they say in the textbooks. That's just what inflexible blockheads would do.

Leona: If you just use your brain, you can get it done faster and easier.

Deuce: Huh? Faster and easier…?

Leona: Just think about what kind of "power" turned those gems into magestones.

Leona: For the Dwarf Mine here, that's "volcanic activity." You shoulda learned that in history of magic.

Leona: So, you just gotta look for tuff in the walls that show evidence of volcanic activity.

Deuce: Tuff?

Leona: It's a type of rock that's built up from an accumulation of volcanic ash. It'll look whitish here.

Deuce: Uhh… So basically… If we can find some white bits in the wall and dig, we should find some magestones!?

Leona: Sure, that's probably the simplest way to put it. It's probably more of a reliable method to find the locations to dig, than to ask some untrained novice to try and trace magical energy.

Leona: I'll even show you how as an example. Hey, you, Spelldrive guy. Come dig where I tell you.

Spelldrive Club Member A: Yes, sir!

[clank, clank, clank…]

[…thunk!]

Leona: …See, there it is. A piece of a magestone.

Deuce: He found one in 5 minutes, even though we had been digging for 2, 3 hours and didn't find anything…!

Deuce: Hey, Jack! Your Housewarden's amazing.

Deuce: Plus, he helped all of us, not just the Spelldrive Club guys. He's a real nice guy.

Jack: Y-Yeah.

Deuce: Hm? Something wrong? You're looking grim.

Jack: No, I mean, I know that Leona-senpai is a amazing, but…

Jack: I always thought he wasn't the type to just proactively help others out, so I was just a little surprised.

Jack: But yeah, you're right. He really is someone worth looking up to!

Deuce: Yeah! Alllright, I'm gonna try looking for a magestone using the method he taught us!

Deuce: Kingscholar-senpai, I successfully found a magestone.

Deuce: THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SIR!

Leona: Well, ain't that good for you.

Deuce: Yes, sir! We're going to head out to receive our badge from Vargas-sensei now. Excuse us.

[Deuce and Jack leave]

Spelldrive Club Member A: Leona-senpai～ Why'd you help out those guys when they're not even a part of our club?

Leona: Don't be stupid. It's not like we're competing against each other or anything. Ain't worth gettin' all heated for nothing.

Leona: No one wants to see their club get abolished. Doesn't that mean we're all on the same team?

Spelldrive Club Member A: You're thinking on a completely different level, Leona-senpai! I should've been as compassionate as you!!

Leona: Hmph… If you've gotten your hand on a magestone, go and collect our badge already.

Spelldrive Club Member A: Yes, sir!

[Spelldrive Club Member leaves]

Leona: …Finally, they're all gone. Ugh, what a pain having to help out all those dunderheads.

Leona: Yaaaawn......… Now I can get some quiet shut eye, at last.

Leona: …Zzz…Zzz…

Requested by Anonymous.

[notmorbid]

damnation spring.

dialogue prompts from damnation spring: a novel by ash davidson.

i've known rocks that talked more than you.

if you don't bet on yourself, nobody else will.

the past isn't a knot you can untie.

don't ever leave the house without a kiss goodbye.

you want some coffee, while you wait?

you gotta take a risk sometime.

i probably should have asked you a long time ago.

the fear is worse than the pain.

are you not attracted to me anymore?

i forgot how good it feels to have a secret.

there are too many ways to die out here.

if you let your mind wander, it could cost you your life.

what the hell kind of five dollar word is that?

i just do what they tell me.

kids are like puppies. it's easier with two.

they'll cut you with one hand and bandage you with the other.

look up 'careful' in the dictionary, and there you are.

keep your damn shirt on.

used to be, people looked out for each other.

one percent's not milk, it's water.

it's too easy to kill an idea by saying it out loud.

half the time, i don't know what i think until i say it out loud.

i never know what to do with my hands.

every day of a marriage is a choice.

you're always playing some kind of angle.

go to school. learn something.

what's the use of dredging all that up again?

when you get to be my age, you don't leave things till tomorrow.

there wasn't anything anybody could have done.

dogs are the best judge of people.

well, aren't you just as bright as a dime?

when was i ever young?

what are you so nervous about?

you never say a bad word about anyone.

people always say the wrong thing, don't they?

you're the one who never called me back.

you knew where i was.

are you going to tell my mom?

women have a way of passing bad news around.

can you walk on my back?

do you ever wonder what your life might have been like?

i figured i had time, you know?

the judge said it was self defense.

i watch out for my people. you know that.

keep it. i've got another copy.

don't be a stranger.

i thought you were up to no good.

it's not like the old days, is it?

you missed a hell of a show.

what are you doing for money?

smoke follows beauty.

my first word was 'son of a bitch'.

you never killed anybody?

the early bird gets his own damn breakfast.

if i shoot myself in the foot, i'll need you to carry me out.

i used up one of my nine lives today.

clean up your own mess, for once.

watch out for potholes. and assholes.

i had a hell of a time finding this place.

keeps the bible salesmen away.

when were you going to tell me?

you were my best friend, once.

a little rest never hurt anybody.

i'm so caught up in my own pain, i can't see anybody else's.

even a nice dog will bite when it's hurt.

you only get one life, sweet pea. live it happy.

look who the cat dragged in.

has your conscience caught up with you?

if you're shooting, shoot. don't make me dance.

you've been distracted for days.

you know something isn't right. what are you doing about it?

you're going to get hurt. you might even get yourself killed.

you're not alone in this.

people don't worry what they can't see.

it's important to do the right thing, even when nobody else is.

sorry doesn't pay the bills.

i judge a man by what he does, not what he says.

a threat? no. that's a promise.

what's wrong with me?

i hope you brought some sunshine.

careful now. some places you go, you can't get back from.

____ can go to hell. and so can you.

what do you gotta do to get some peace and quiet around here? die?

the roads are fucked. it's faster to walk.

what's wrong with you? you just do whatever they tell you?

right or not right, it's done.

would it kill you to just take my side for once?

where else would we go?

it looks worse than it is.

i've still got a few lives left in me.

you're all thinking it, but no one has the guts to ask.

whoever said you can't buy loyalty never spent a day here.

if you're smart, you'll get out of town.

it's okay to wander, as long as we always come home.

even an old dog can learn, if you're patient with him.

why would this time be any different?

what did you wanna be, when you grew up?

you don't have to watch me every minute of the day. i'm okay.

i forgot i was mad at you.

from outside, it looks like a normal house.

i can come stay for a while.

you ready for some help?

please don't hide from me.

i don't want to lose you. i can't lose you, okay?

nothing's wrong. i'm just happy.

not a lot of people are born to do something.

[paintedkinzy-88]

For the rottmnt dragon au, since Leo is jealous of the others ability to fly etc etc, do the other brothers also have elements of Leo that they’re jealous over?

Or follow up question: what are some very unique traits to each of the brothers and their “species” of dragon?

…This’ll definitely get so long, I apologize in advance XD

I’ll try to highlight which paragraph is for which character, maybe that’ll make it easier???

Starting with the unique traits! To get my thoughts together hahaha.

Mikey’s the fastest flier and can make those real quick maneuvers in midair! He likes testing his limits and learning new tricks, all of which give Raph a heart attack. He’s especially proud of dive bombing, where he can tuck in to basically a tiny missile. His tail’s also the most prehensile of the bunch! I gave him the long tail as a reference to his nunchuck chains, so you bet he can grab things and hang from it. Very useful in a fight!

Oh and he breathes fire. He’s the “truest” dragon of them, which is why he’s so much more mystically powerful later on.

Leo’s very similar to Mikey, but in the water. His scales are smooth and he’s physically lean, so he’s an incredibly fast swimmer — and those fins make for quick turns! He can regulate his body temperature a lot more than his brothers, making him less susceptible to the cold, which is helpful for diving. On smaller details, he has the best sight, underwater “hearing” (like he can feel vibrations in the water), and mystic talent (meaning portals are so hard to learn, and he figured it out pretty quickly, even if it might not look like it).

Donnie may not be the fastest swimmer, with his rougher scales and larger figure, but he is more physically strong than his younger brothers. He’s technically faster than Leo, but it’s only in small bursts, giving him a sort of “ramming” ability underwater. He may not be able to breathe fire like Mikey, but it’s clear he was meant to, as he can practically boil water in his throat and mouth to spit at threats. His bite is also quick and powerful, and his lack of chest plates leads to better flexibility in general!

Raph is obviously the tank of the group. He’s stronger in every physical aspect, including his jaws, wings, hands, and, more specifically, his tail. He has the sharpest claws/spines and the most durable body as well, meaning it’s incredibly hard to hurt him or even chip his spines/horns/claws. His size doesn’t make him very fast or agile, but he’s not slow either. He’s also the one that’s sufficient in both land and water (naturally, that is, now that Donnie built his own wings), though that may be more because he had to teach himself to swim well when the twins were younger…

Now, on the “jealousy” question…

Donnie has a tendency to try and match his brothers in areas he is not as naturally talented at, specifically flying and swimming. He admires Leo’s speed and diving abilities underwater, as well as Mikey’s speed and agility in the air. He has always challenged Leo in the water since they were tots, usually trying to test boosters and the such, but has more recently taken to trying to beat Mikey in flight instead. Either way, he hasn’t beaten them much even with his inventions. At this point, he’s just using the two of them as references and a challenge, and has accepted he’d likely never get to their level. (It also doesn’t help that both Mikey and Leo have STRONG competitive natures lmao)

He also wishes he had Raph’s durability, since his scales, though rough, aren’t much when it comes to protection. That’s probably his biggest concern.

Mikey wishes he could swim in general. The little guy’s more like an eagle in the water— he can somewhat swim but is very slow and vulnerable. Imagine a doggy paddle, but with the addition of flapping splashing wings. He also likes to challenge Leo to races, but aside from Mikey sometimes having an advantage in the air, Leo usually still wins. But, aside from maybe wanting Raph’s big size sometimes, the lil dude is pretty content as is!

Raph admires his all of his lil bros’ maneuverability and size (hard to hide in a busy city when you’re an absolute giant). He’s simultaneously envious and terrified of Mikey’s fire and Donnie’s boiling water abilities, too. As much as he would love to be more like a classic dragon, he also sees the absolute disaster it can be, and has been, for the two of them. They don’t need any more fires and scorch marks in the lair, thank you. Raph’s also jealous of Leo’s quick thinking and plan-making, but is equally as proud of it.

It’s all not really on the same level as Leo and flight though… a lot of this is wishing they could do something better like their brothers, or they just accept it’s not possible and move on. Leo dreams of doing something he physically cannot do, and is willing to put his life at risk to even try and fake the same feeling… He can’t accept it. Or at least he can’t move past it.

I like to think the one closest to understanding Leo’s inner turmoil is April! She’s been hanging around these living mythical creatures for years, and the best she can ever get to their level is riding on their back, and that’s really only comfortable on Donnie. At the end of the day, though, she’s the most jealous of Leo in particular, cuz as fun as it is to fly, she’s far more fascinated with the ocean’s mysteries, and Leo’s the only one who can dive deep enough to see them.

[awakened-dreamers-blog]

Soulslikes, just like any genre of media, obviously aren't for everyone. However, they often seem to resonate with trans people in particular (or, at least, they did for me), and I've figured out what one of the bigger psychological reasons for that may be.

If I asked a bunch of different people what one word they most associate with the genre, most of them would probably answer something to the tune of "persistence." These are games about throwing yourself at seemingly insurmountable obstacles and failing. A lot. Until, eventually, you succeed. And you will succeed, no matter what, as long as you are willing to put in the time and effort and just don't give up.

Every time you try to get past a boss or a tough group fight in those games, you learn something. You get experience. Even if you don't actively realize it at the time, you are closer to achieving your goal, simply because you tried and failed. But at least you tried. And, when you eventually put all of your accumulated knowledge and skill into beating the fight, what once seemed like an insurmountable obstacle is vanquished, rewarding you with a nice [noun] [verb]ed screen, some levels, and maybe a weapon or something.

So you persisted, even though it seemed insurmountable at first? Isn't that the definition of insanity? Well yes, because you'd have to be insane to actually enjoy those games, but also no.

Because soulslikes bosses are a very practical example that perseverance can work.

Sure, you'll die a bunch. Maybe even spend 4 hours on a single boss like I did when I killed the first Tree Sentinel without doing anything else. But the first few times you die, you'll notice that the boss's health bar is a little hit more empty than it was the first time. After that, you'll probably plateau as you work out the moveset and the dodge timings and all that, but at least you know it's possible. And once you do beat that first boss, that rush of dopamine is even more confirmation for your brain that trying (and failing along the way) does eventually lead to success. So at the next obstacle, you're lore than willing to throw yourself at it and learn and grow until you win because you've already seen that it will work and that it's not fruitless. And, when you come back to that boss on subsequent playthroughs, I bet it'll be a lot easier now that you've already overcome it

Now, to bring this back to trans people, you can probably already see where I'm going with this. If you can't, allow me to explain with the metaphor that led me to this realization in the first place: voice feminization training.

At first, it seems impossible. You'll never sound as cool or as pretty or girly or whatever as the people that have already mastered their girl voice and been using it for years. But those are the speedrunners. The people that have already mastered the game's mechanics and can no-hit bosses faster than you can beat them normally. But you aren't an expert on the game yet. In fact, you've just started, so you shouldn't fee bad about not being as good as they are. If anything, all it should do is serve to prove that your goals are attainable, as long as you put in the effort.

So you try. You're never gonna get it your first try, unless you have a really good build and crazy skill, which, if you do, then good on you, I guess. But for the vast majority of us, you're going to fail at first. That's fine. Resurrect at the nearest bonfire, grab your runes, and keep on saying "heat from fire, fire from heat."

Yes, it's uncomfortable and dysphoric, and yeah, maybe you need to take a break and come back the next day because it's too uncomfortable to have to pay so much attention to the voice you've been avoiding for years. But simply in the act of trying, you've gotten closer to your goal. Literally just by playing with your voice and seeing what happens if you x or y, you have gained experience and knowledge that will get you closer and closer to your goal. It'll probably take a while, of course, but as long as you keep trying, the voice you dream of someday having will eventually end up being the voice you use to order coffee and chit chat and mundane crap like that.

Eventually, you'll be the one no hitting social encounters with your relaxed and flawless girl voice. It'll be so commonplace for you that it won't even seem notable that you didn't slip up at all.

Anyway, all of this to say that trans people like soulslikes because they show us that working towards a goal is the most important step in achieving that goal. They teach us that failure is just a step in the path of learning and that anyone is capable of doing things that seem impossible to them, as long as they try.

Father Gascoigne will never be put to rest if you don't get curb stomped by him a few times, and, I'm sorry to say, you won't ever wake up with the feminine voice of your dreams. You have to work for it. And you'll fail along the way, which is unpleasant and sucks major ass. But you beat everything Miyazaki could throw at you, goddammit, and you can beat your larynx into submission too!

[not-goldy]

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nationalheraldindia.com/amp/story/international/skorean-cabinet-passes-bills-to-allow-single-people-to-adopt

Simple

It's only been 1 yr since this new ammendment. And it's gonna be even easier in 10- 15 years as single parent system is increasing rapidly because most korean woman wants to get married/get pregnant and birth rate is declining. So if he wants kids while also being with JK.. all he wants to do is adopt a baby while being single dad officially. He satisfies all official criteria as of now.. he got money and influence which makes legal processes easier and makes him 10x privileged than average single parent.

Do you all really think Jikook 'luckily' won that lottery system to enlist together? Be fr. They might have started the procedures in August but I bet they didn't had to go through 'computer lottery selection'.. they got power, they got money, they got influence, they are governments fav child who they want to finish service fast and start milking, they will be promoted two times faster than average soldier, they will be appointed as head roles in their camps, they will be allowed for companion enlistment if they applied for that, THEY ARE BTS... ONE OF THE PROMINENT PEOPLE IN SK. If SK government approved a Korean queer couple to enlist together and turned a blind eye towards all those protests against it... they don't mind Park Jimin adopting a baby while being in a relationship with Jeon Jungkook. All they want is a official record signing Park Jimin is a single parent, just to make legal sides clear... with whom he's raising that kid is not their concern.

Yea I'm done with them.

They know and admit Jikook have privilege and power but fail to see how and where that privilege and power works in their favor.

Personally I don't want them to just adopt, although any child they adopt would be so lucky- and my goodness would it be nice if they adopt children of different races😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I will uproot my life and volunteer as nanny with no pay for the rest of my life. I will take care of them kids like they are the most precious beings on this earth🥺

I do want to see their own biological kids too you know?

A Mini Min with his father's eyes and lips and if they turn out even more androgynous with big booty then what😩

Also they will be so loved by us BTS and their kids🥺

One wrote in and said, well single father has nothing to do with Jungkook. They think JM would have to cut Jungkook out of his life at some point in order to live a traditional life.

They are very very highly ignorant if that's what they think. Jungkook will forever be a part of JMs life unless they fall out of love at some point- and even then they would be very good friends too.

Like I said it's his choice and he certainly has options if all that is in his way is institutionalized homophobia.

They came up with a travel documentary as an excuse to go on a trip together before serving they can certainly come up with a billion other creative ways to enjoy a fulfilling life together.

If not, then all the more reason for them to enjoy it while it last. What is it JK says, make hay while the sun shine.

Two years ago I almost broke up with my girl for good because of these uncertainties. I knew I didn't want children, didn't even consider let alone desire marriage because coming from a very conservative Christian black home, that's not an option to marry a woman. You can't be gay and you can't be unmarried and childless. And for me, those who know think it's some sort of phase I will outgrow once I'm faced with reality.

So while I am this way, hiding the truth of what I am from people in my life, openly living in my truth when I'm away from my family- I'm learning to stand up to them. To confront them with my truths without shame and with confidence.

I'm not hiding anymore- may be a little. Lol. But I'm not making excuses anymore. I'm not telling them, I'm still young I'll worry about that latter. I'm not saying, she's just a good friend. That the rumors are false. That I'm waiting for the right one, that I haven't found the right man- I'm not saying all that anymore.

I may not able to tell it as it is but I'm telling exactly what it is not.

No I don't want a wedding but yes I do want life long commitment and I want legal rights with it dammit

I want consistent immutable inalienable rights and that is more important to me than having kids getting married and all that other stuff.

I want to be able to live my life in peace and not worry about changing laws that give one minute and take away the next.

I want freedom. I want paradise.

and may be one day I'll want children may be I won't.

I want what I want and I don't want what I don't want. I'm manifesting for myself through positive affirmations.

Nothing is as black and white as they make it seem.

And I'm cautious in this discourse because some have committed suicide rather than "face reality" or choose to conform to these societal standards they are perpetuating and wielding over jikook's heads.

They are perpetuating the very thing oppressing us and the very thing we spend most of our lives fighting.

They are not saying if Jikook are gay this system would be a challenge for them as it has been for others, they are saying this is the system and Jikook have no right to go against it. This is the system, they must conform to the status quo as many queer men have and they will.

There's something oppresive, sinister and disturbing about that to me. The lengths they will sink to to invalidate Jikook is crazy.

On the flip side, pointing out Jikook's privileges too too much also alienates them and puts a target on their backs as we might make it look as if they would not have to face all the many real struggles others face due to their sexual orientation in SK. It's a lose lose situation however you look at it.

It's their life their choice and whatever they choose to do is very valid. I'm sorry to Jikook they have to deal with this and I pray things get better in SK over time as you have rightfully pointed out.

I stand with Jikook and every queer person in that system. Things are a bit better today compared to years ago but boy are they living in the vip region of hell.

And Bang PD's advice to that artist about the challenges he would face if he chooses to live his truth and wear heels will always give me comfort especially the fact he was willing to help him make it work in his career in spite of the odds against him

I know, there are people close to jikook with the same mentality. They know the "reality" and situation on the ground, they empathize with them, are willing to direct them on how to make it work if they choose this path and so they don't feel isolated.

Please help me support Jikook okay? Stay with them to the end, pray for them love them fight for them.

The challenges they face, I wish I could say it's all just fiction, it's real, it's dangerous, it's traumatizing, the mental turmoil alone is

Sigh.

Support Jikook. Jikook is real.

[mschismosa]

Hey can i ask yall something, am I the only one who does this, bc it has recently come to my attention that I exhibit freak behavior. It's for art reasons though.

I ramble about this a little bit u can ignore me

I hate that I started doing this bc i'll be somewhere & catch myself looking really spaced out touching my jaw or something. In my mind I'm trying to visualize the jawline i wanna draw but I bet i just look like a freak lmao 😭

I have the adhd, I can't afford to exit the drawing app & get distracted so i end up doing this. It's like my personal quick reference trick. Feeling the features of my face as I draw helps me visualize the shapes in a 3D way, does that make sense?

Anyway i felt like admitting this stupid habit of mine bc I just wonder if others do this?? But also I recommend it if you're more of a tactile learner. Sometimes clear reference images still don't make sense to me but this does. Particularly when thinking about how light/shadows hit a certain part of your face or like visualizing lines and shapes and small overlooked features. Like, how often do you really think about noses and ears and cheekbones... I have gone into mental rabbitholes thinking about variety in facial features compared to my own and how the feel & structure differ and then wonder how I'd apply it to drawing. Same goes for like visualizing expressions by feeling the pull and tension of muscle & such. It really helps me figure out how faces work and in a way makes simplifying it in drawings a little easier even. Of course I still look at references but it takes this to really GET it in an irl sense. Its usually not this deep though, I just find feeling something is faster for like remembering the basic build of it without having to look it up. hence the comic. Im aware my skills/ability to actually draw what I think are still too limited to be parading this as some kind of secret art hack but idk? I think you can learn a lot from your own face. Or maybe I have too much time on my hands and I've tricked myself into thinking im onto something lmao

Sorry im aware this is how I look rn

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Random Asshole: The question mark is for what? Your sexuality? *laughts* *no one else laughts*

Riddler: *deadpan* Is for my gender actually.

Random Asshole: What does this even mean? Is this one of those new trends for weirdos? Do you think you are a woman or some shit? Maybe a dog. Bark bark.

Riddler: *stims* Oh! Oh! I have an idea. I can explain my gender to you via riddle *asshole guy groans* wait I still didn't told you the best part! If you solve it wrong *giggles* you die.

-

Random Asshole 2: *talking about Two-Face *He is completly crazy with the two stuff. I bet he calls himself bissexual just for the aesthetic may even fuck little boys like a proper degenerate.

Two-Face: First let me educate you in some simple things: We ARE bissexual. Always were bissexual. Even before the scar Harvey Dent was notably bissexual. Never hided it. And we - bissexuals but also me and Harv - are not degenerates nor pedophiles and I sleep with proper grown man, you brother for one. Second and this one is my favorite: Harv and I actually agreed for once. *picks gun* *shoots the biphobe twice in both legs* Have a pleasant day, sir!

-

Random Asshole 3: Oh look the sissy with all it's make-up thinking she can scare me.

Joker: *rolling his eyes* And I though Batsy had a fragile masculinity *whispering* do you heard that he doesn't even pleasure his laddies tsk tsk? *points a gun at the guy* Look pal I use make-up because I'm a clown and also because I'm sexy. You certainly are one of those things. *laughs* I would let you decide wich one but honestly the fact that no even paying got woman to sleep with you eh it's just too obvious. Unfortunally you're a bad clown. And I normally just kill homophobes. Easier, faster. Maybe sent their hearts as a cute declaration for Batsy. Buuuut bad clowns need to be punished more... Learn to be good clowns. So let Papa Joker teach you *hits the guy head with the gun and orders his goons to take him to the "fun house"* *laughts maniacally*

-

Random Asshole 4: I'm not a homophobe. I'm all in for chicks kissing. I'm soo in that I had to ask you girls to do a scene with me *raises eyebrows sugestivally* If you know what I mean?

Harley: The audacity!! *Get's ready to kill the man with her bat* *Ivvy's plants hold the bat at the last moment before it crushes the guys head*

Ivvy: Babe no.

Random Asshole: See she understands the appel! *to Ivvy* It can be just you and me, darling.

Ivvy: *not even looking at the guy* We need to kill him slower. Truly appreaciate it, you know?

Harley: *squeaking excidetdly* Oh! You soo right, Red! We don't have a torture session in soo long. *cracking her knuckles* Is going to be sooo much fun!

[waywardgardenfury]

i (now) use arch btw

after a few months of not posting anything here, i finally managed to get arch working with awesomewm :)

initially when i tried a few months back, it was going fine until i could no longer hear audio for some reason lol. after searching for a solution i eventually gave up and retreated back to mint for the time being. after getting my infamous itch to just nuke everything and start again, i reinstalled arch and tried once again and i gotta say, its been going REALLY well.

the first time i ever attempted an install of arch (before archinstall was a thing) i somehow forgot to install a network manager and therefore couldnt really do much else. i really enjoyed setting it all up manually, but the fact that in the end i didnt really have it working was very annoying. the next time around, archinstall was there to back me up and its made everything so much easier!!! for me its broken down the barrier of entry significantly. i simply chose the desktop setup i wanted, and it chose the relevant packages. i went with a window manager rather than a full desktop environment this time around, more specifically awesomeWM. i wanted to go with something more bare-bones and configure it from the ground up so i could learn what sort of packages go into a full de. in addition people often talk about how much more efficient they find using wms, both productivity and resource wise. i see why! my entire operating system on boot uses like <500mb of ram, which is baffling that its possible. plus, the use of shortcuts of navigating around has been great.

i ended up going with awesome as nvidia has been absolutely the biggest issue with this whole process. for some reason my graphics card just HATES wayland which eliminates some options off the bat. ive had soo many issues in the past with it, so trying to use xorg is probably my best bet going forward and luckily its still a very popular choice, no shortage of resources for me. i did have a few issues setting it up on arch, as i wasnt really familiar with how to configure it at first but getting nvidia-settings it made it much easier for me for now.

pacman was an interesting change to get used to. discovering that it didnt have some packages that i have usually was interesting, but then shortly i discovered the aur and yay. it opened me up to a wide range of new packages that werent even on some of the package managers i had tried previously, like dnf and apt. in contrast to those, i found pacman and now yay much easier and incredibly fast to use. there just becomes more and more reasons to use arch every time i open it haha.

one of the things i havent got around to choosing is a file manager. having to navigate my files entirely by terminal has helped build the muscle memory of commands i didnt know before. plus may even be faster than i found previously? i may get around to setting up some aliases if i feel like i could shorten some tasks. using cli packages in terminal over graphical packages has helped me to learn git some more as well, which im sure will be useful for me in the years to come. in regards to the terminal too, im looking into switching to zsh instead of bash which i currently dont know what the difference is between shells or what they do exactly but ill find out.

i have only been using arch consistently for a few days at this point. and awesome is still pretty ugly, so the next task for me is to spice it up a bit with some theming. i dont have much, if any, experience with lua, which apparently is the language that awesome uses to write its dotfiles (also took me a minute to learn what dotfiles actually were). the last time i used lua was probably in roblox studio at like the age of 10 or something, so its been a while. i have a few articles and videos lined up that i need to watch for an introduction, so i already have an idea of where to start. with that said however, if anyone has any advice or tips send them my way!

now the obvious question for myself after this is what project am i actually going to do next? i want to actually develop software but i find it extremely intimidating. so there are a couple options for me going forward. one of the big ideas in my mind is developing a longer form game project in godot. i have developed smaller projects in the past to get used to the engine, but i want to try my hand at doing something over the course of multiple weeks. i have poor time management skills and tend to get sidetracked with other projects but i really want something i can chip away at every day for a few hours. and i think a game could be just that! plus, it gives me a creative outlet as well. i can make the music and art for that and combine a few hobbies into one.

arch & awesome has been definitely an interesting change to get used to, but it has been so fun! learning how to do everything myself has been what i have been craving and every day i regret abandoning windows less and less. i cannot sing the praises of linux and its community enough for scratching my brain in the right places! at some point i want to make a post detailing my full journey with linux, so keep an eye or two out for that.

if anyone wants to talk with me about any of this feel free to send me a message! dms are always open :)

[dragonflight203]

Mass Effect 3 replay, part one of the Citadel DLC:

-I normally do the Citadel DLC right after picking up Tali, but I wanted to do the Rannoch arc in one go so I put it off.

Now seems like a good time – after Rannoch the Normandy probably needed repairs anyway, and the asari Councilor’s called me back to the Citadel.

Meeting Joker

-In the Grissom Academy mission, Anderson and Kahlee haven’t seen each other for years.

At the start of this mission, Anderson says Kahlee had wanted them to settle down in the apartment. In one of the audio logs he speaks to her directly.

So, retcon?

-How does Anderson connect to the apartment? Or to Shepard in general?

I thought QEC worked so one point connected directly to another point. So you can’t pick another point to connect to; it can only connect to a preset transmitter.

Ergo, Anderson should not be able to wander around Earth and connect to the Normandy or his apartment whenever he happens past a QEC transmitter. That QEC transmitter should only be able to connect to its pair.

It’s entirely possible I’m misunderstanding how QEC work, but that’s what I take away from the Codex entry: “the system’s exclusively point-to-point nature precludes peer-to-peer networking and data dissemination through the galactic extranet.”

-The audio logs in the apartment have excellent information, but needing to listen to them is painful. Just present a text entry that I can choose to read or listen to. I can read much faster than Anderson can speak. Easier to reference, too.

-I can understand why this apartment is huge; admiral or Councilor, I’m sure Anderson brings in a nice salary.

But why the hell does it have three beds? Two upstairs, one downstairs? Did Anderson have roommates?

-The turian pointing at the fish at the sushi place is so, so cute.

-This place must do both levo and dextro food. I see a mixed crowd eating.

-I wanted to complain that the mercenaries are all human, but we learn later Brooks is a human supremacist so that adds up.

-As a power user, this section should be easy. I normally don’t use my gun at all.

However, the M-11 suppressor during this section is heavy, so my powers recharge much more slowly than normal.

That makes this section very frustrating.

I don’t know why they did that; the M-11 you receive later is light.

-The attack on the sushi place is odd.

It’s extremely public; if Shepard died there, everyone would know. Clone Shepard doesn’t want that – they want to replace Shepard, and there would be too many questions if Shepard died at the sushi place. This is before they’ve replaced Shepard’s fingerprints.

They also want to kill all of Shepard’s close friends; they would not be able to fool them.

That’s presumably why Brooks saves Shepard at the sushi place.

But why attack them there at all? Why give the mercenaries kill orders and risk one getting off a lucky shot?

There must have been an easier means to lure everyone into a trap and obtain Shepard’s Spectre code. Some method that did not result in everyone in full combat gear.

-As usual in ME3, I have a hard time making out the broadcasts and background chatter. It’s not subtitled because fuck you if you having hearing problems.

-Why does the walk sign consist of a turian, hanar, and human?

That’s an odd choice. Turians and humans have very similar body types; you could easily switch either out with an asari.

The hanar makes sense, as they have a very different body shape.

Instead of a turian and a human, I think it would have been better to swap one out with an elcor.

-Finally, the much spoken of Fishdog Food Shack makes an appearance.

Seriously, where did that name come from? That does not sound like a human name. Did some other species start it up and advertise it as selling human food?

-I hope the skycar place has good insurance. They’re going to need it.

(I bet Citadel policies exclude acts of Spectres, the way many policies exclude acts of god.)

-It’s a nice touch that you can read the descriptions for many of the skycars for sale.

-I need to look up how this plays out if Wrex is dead; it must be very different.

-When Brooks says Shepard took out 100 guys with a pistol, Shepard does not deny it.

Well, even if they didn’t take out 100 today they have over the years.

Casino

-Elijah Khan’s name is very close to Elias Khelim, from Thane’s loyalty mission. I initially thought they were the same person.

Were they perhaps intended to be at one point, and it was changed later?

-You should have the option to take Cortez with you. He’s a love interest and there’s no combat this mission, so it wouldn’t take that much more work to include him.

-Javik should have had a new set of clothes for the Casino. We were robbed.

-Why are all of Shepard’s dresses awful?

-I love how Elspeth Murrain attracts every shady person to contribute to her campaign funds. Even Aria’s involved and she operates out of the Terminus Systems.

-At least the consort’s a bit warmer this time. Still not tremendously helpful though – is “win” really the best advice she can give?

-Columbia Rios is glorious. She reminds me of Helena Blake from ME1. Very pragmatic and straight to business.

-Hmm. I deliberately avoided speaking to Aishwarya Ashland so I could speak to her father first, but I still told him that I’d met her. Is it because I overheard her say a line? Or does Shepard always say that?

-The turian by Aishwarya is wearing a suit. Every other turian except Rolan is in other clothes. Is he her date?

-Javik dances when you speak to Jonah. It’s beautiful.

-Huh. I swear I remember some dialogue about the Patriarch, but I’ve circled the casino twice and can’t trigger it.

-Brooks, have some patience. I’ll get to you.

-You get credits after the mission. Rather amusing – the implication is that Shepard robbed the place. Hopefully just Khan’s personal funds.

Citadel Archives

-Javik says protheans did not date primitives… Except for asari.

Ah, asari. The writers screwed you over so badly. You deserved better than to be best known as the species everyone wants to fuck.

-How did the volus delivery person get into the apartment?

Even if it was unlocked – and I hope not! – I presume they would not waltz right in.

Unless James gave them the code and told them to? But why would he do that?

-And why is payment for the pizza not required before delivering it?

Everything’s digital anyway; or at least I haven’t seen any references to cash. I’d expect payment before delivery to be standard.

-Brooks makes sure everyone goes to the Citadel Archives by saying it’s a shame that not everyone can come.

If she hadn’t brought it up, someone may have stayed behind to secure the home base.

Reverse psychology at its finest.

-There are multiple biotics in the squad. Dropping weapons doesn’t disarm them.

-The archive holos are not subtitled, because I cannot emphasize enough how many fuck yous Bioware has for those with imperfect hearing.

-Of course the holo about the First Contact War would consist of two male turians and one male human, despite the species supposedly being gender equal.

The Omega DLC had already been released. They had no excuse for not including a female turian. Or at least making the human a woman.

-One of turians explicitly says he intends to conquer Earth.

I do love the Hierarchy being a low key empire in the background. They must pull this bullshit all the time. If they snatch up a new client race, no one will protest because it’s more work than letting it go!

The asari and salarians must be sick of it.

The real reason they were so firm that the Hierarchy couldn’t conquer humanity and had to pay reparations: They’d already aquired two other “clients” this century.

-Why is there only one image of the krogan ambassador attacking the asari and salarian Councilors at the start of the Krogan Rebellions? Is the implication supposed to be the rest of the recording was damaged in the fight?

-Why does Glyph desire combat abilities?

He’s not a full AI, so that must be part of his programming. But where the hell does it come from?

-Liara apologizes that Glyph keeps mixing up the two Shepards by saying he’s not a combat model.

What does that have to do with being a combat model or not?

I suppose combat models may have greater recognition ability because that’s extremely important in a fight, but you’d think that’s a function also critical for the Shadow Broker.

The former Shadow Broker was cheap.

-And we learn in another holo that the Council did accept that Sovereign was a Reaper. They just kept it quiet.

Interesting retcon, since the writers explicitly acknowledged and rejected this possibility earlier on by having Joker state he had hoped the Council had been denying it to Shepard because of the Cerberus connections and was disappointed to learn it was not the case.

So why retcon it now? Did the writers realize how absurdly bad it made the Council to deny it? But why would they care? They’ve always portrayed the Council in a negative light.

I suspect this was another case of “Wouldn’t it be cool if…?” and not much more thought was given to it.

-I love that the first Spectre was selected because he used civilians as bait and was fairly confident that they’d survive.

The Spectres have always been shady as fuck. I suspect paragons are more rare than renegades.

-Glyph says it’s a pity the scientists perished because he wanted to discuss the elcor mating totem with them.

Does he mean in the past? Or current day in the Archives? I don’t see any bodies.

-I suspect the Council will be pissed at the amount of damage the Archives is taking.

Here’s to hoping their backups are up to date.

-Clone Shepard is dressed the same as the Shepard in the Archive holo where they’re considered for Spectre status.

That can’t be coincidence. Someone is feeling insecure.

-In Brooks’ flashback, the signs by the door Shepard uses their Spectre code to open have text rather than the cute picture of turian/hanar/human they do in the game.

-When Clone Shepard replays the portion of the Council meeting where Shepard was made Spectre, only the asari and turian Councilors are shown. Where’s the salarian Councilor?

-Clone Shepard: The Normandy needs its captain.

Very out of character for the real Shepard. When the quarians called them captain in ME2, they specifically rejected the title since they had not reached it in the Alliance.

-Is it just me or does anyone else get the impression that Brooks seduced Clone Shepard?

Give Clone Shepard’s chronological time span, that makes me feel icky.

-The inability to open vaults from the inside is a huge safety concern.

The real contribution of humanity to the galaxy will be minimal safety requirements.

-How does Joker know about the other Shepard?

They don’t learn about that until they’re in the Archives, and Joker doesn’t join them there.

Normandy

-Clone Shepard may have changed the biometric logs, but they don’t have Shepard’s memories. They will not be able to fool anyone for long.

Also, I hope the Archive system has an audit trail that tracks when changes are made. Even better, what changes were made.

-At the start of the mission, Joker referred to the Normandy as “his” then quickly backtracked it to “ours”.

As he takes Shepard and co to the Normandy, he and Shepard refer to the ship as his repeatedly.

Nice touch.

-Javik: Don’t be stupid, human. It was clearly a clone.

Considering Javik’s been expressing incredulousness this whole time about it…

-The clone letting go of the Normandy because Brooks abandons them is tragic.

The clone’s been alive six months. Brooks is the only person they really know. Once Brooks leaves them, they’re alone in a world they barely have any experience with.

They’re a shitty person, but they’ve had barely any time to be a person. And they’ve had just about the worst guide the whole time.

I feel bad for them.

-The Normandy probably needs more repairs than when it started. Oops.

[geographerdose]

Cancer Risings Enemies, Pt. 2:

🌸Libras can be problematic as they get along SO well + quick too - easy rappport- (easy come, easy go) with EVERYONE. 🦀 can be a sucker for people they feel comfortable and easily hit it off with. Their guard goes down and exposes their very sensitive inner core. Soon enough they will see that not all Libras can be trusted, as they often make the same promises to everyone to keep the peace.

🦆“The nature of a promise, Linda, is that it remains immune to changing circumstances.”-Frank Underwood🏛🇺🇸

🤚🏻The honesty thing is the problem here, at least in my experience with Libra Suns. Differing beliefs, one is not necessarily “right��� or “better” than the other; both have different priorities and what is important to them differs.

🌈 Cancers need loyalty AND honesty, and they will not budge in any -ship, whether it be platonic or romantic or even working. Libras don’t want to budge in their “social justice” whatever that means; each one is unique in that area.

🧹I always say I’ve learned my lesson when it comes to getting along too quickly from the get-go with people. It does not matter how many times I tell myself not to trust others so easily. A fckng Libra will come along and fool my ass 🤡. This is my fault for getting my hopes up but I think it’s understandably difficult since the 4th house (of Libra for cancer rising) is the “subterranean” place.

🕳subterranean (adj.): existing, occurring, or done under the earth's surface. secret; concealed. -Credit to Google for so faithfully delivering definitions

⛳️I believe this can have the hidden energy of 12H but it fools easier because it’s actually in the physical (vs. you not technically having been born yet in the 12H—> more ethereal/mystical vibe like 🧙🏻).

🕴🏼Undeveloped CAPRICORNS that simply want to control the Cancer. Particularly if they have an inferiority complex or are insecure, and just want to see the cancer as “less” than them to simply feel better about themselves and also as easier to control. The controlling can feel degrading and so offensive. The dysfunction can be like a wound you keep picking, in regards to possibly immature partners you continue to encounter.

📭remember that 7th house is also the house of open enemies. Other planets in the 7th house can mitigate that.

🚨OF COURSE, this does not apply to everyone. But to those it does apply to, I would bet that your Venus is compromised in some way (whether it be facing Saturn opposition/square in a night chart, or other malefic-type intervention).

💥Saturn in the 7H is a straight up karmic relationship magnet and if you have Uranus (saturn#2), good luck.

🛝Uranus is like both malefics combined: Mars and Saturn. The Tower in Tarot is ruled by Mars, not Uranus which, for me, was surprising. They’re both sudden and unexpected changes, similar to number 5. I feel like Mars/The Tower is more steady. I mean they have a Tower built anyway vs The Fool/Uranus who has a small bag. The Uranus feels more like not having a choice and just doing what needs to be done; surviving. Inevitable change on a macro scale (Uranus bc it’s generational) vs unexpected daily changes on a micro level kind of energy (mars bc it’s faster).

😴I say night chart because the malefic that can do the most damage in nocturnal charts is Saturn (mars is the more constructive malefic at night). The most beneficical planet in a night chart is Venus. (Jupiter is the benefic for a day chart ☀️)

🔥 The cardinal sign I have the least problem with is Aries. I love their directness and just adore their high-energy. They crack me up with their overreactions, rants and the like. I appreciate that they feel so comfortable expressing their emotions without shame but still take responsibility for their actions (the mature ones, ofc).

[the-chicken-or-the-banana]

part 2 here <3

andrew is very loud about being gay.

he doesn't really "flaunt it" that much in college

but it gets to the point where he just wants to prove to kevin that yes, he can be successful and gay

so really, it all starts with a bet

anyway. neil has so many videos of andrew getting drunk in front of him and waxing poetic about boys (one in particular)

"neil. neil. this guy has such nice eyes. and ass"

*sigh* "andrew that's a picture of me"

"woahhhh"

but these are (mostly) all private moments

andrew isn't super open in front of others, considering how reserved he is in public

that all changes four years after going pro.

there are some days where queer people just feel exceptionally us and we just want to tell everyone we know

(but being closeted kinda... makes that hard. ahem.)

andrew isn't exempt from these feelings

and one day, the morning of a major interview, he's just hit with the sudden urge to tell someone that he's gay

it's bursting inside him, a physical feeling he can't push down behind the apathy

he tries to ignore it as best as he can and goes to the interview with his team

it's pretty chill. the team is playing a game called "Truth or Drink", where if you don't say truth... you drink?

so everyone's getting tipsy while andrew sits quietly in the corner of the sofa

eventually, one of his teammates realizes that no one had asked andrew anything yet, so when it's her turn, she turns to andrew

"andrew! truth or drink?"

andrew blinks slowly, a bit surprised that the question was directed to him

he considers his options. that weird feeling is still bubbling up inside his stomach and he figures alcohol will probably make things feel worse

so after a moment, he glances up at her and says quietly "truth"

she looks gleeful

after a bit of drunk conferring with some other teammates, she faces andrew with a glint in her eyes

"so," his teammates lean forward. "do you have a girlfriend?"

andrew groaned internally. of course this is the one thing they'd ask their most private, closed-off teammate

"no," he scowled. he was going to leave it at that, really, but his mouth moved faster than his mind and before he could stop himself, he blurted out "i do have a boyfriend though"

there was a moment of silence

then everyone started talking over each other, asking questions and demanding to learn more. andrew slumped in his seat, mentally preparing for the next 30 minutes

a few days later, the interview drops

predictably, the internet goes wild

fans speculate wildly about which guy andrew minyard could possibly be dating

it ranges to other exy players to celebrities to random students from PSU

neil and andrew don't come out for a while though

but in that gap, between andrew being out as gay and actually revealing that he's dating neil abram josten, andrew is pretty vocal about his sexuality

it starts with donations to LGBTQ+ groups and messages of support on social media

lots of sports fans (and people in general) understand how revolutionary it is to have an out athlete of this caliber

so they're constantly putting out encouraging messages

and after all this support, andrew eventually becomes a bit more... lax about what he posts

it starts with this on twitter:

yeah... andrew breaks the internet again

nicky tweets out an unholy amount of keyboard smashes

and andrew just... keeps posting gay memes

you can't go a single interview without andrew randomly interjecting the fact that he's gay

there are compilations on youtube like "andrew minyard being a gay icon for 17 minutes" or "20 minutes of andrew minyard being fruity af"

(andrew finds these far too funny — every time he comes across one of these, he just has to share it on social media)

andrew ends up on the face of so many queer magazines and pride events and such

of course, there are some shitty homophobic people

but every time a kid comes up to him and tells him how he inspired them to come out, those people become easier and easier to forget about

needless to say, by the time he and neil come out, andrew's already pretty comfortable with sharing his sexuality on the internet

being out as a couple, though? well, that's just a whole other story

LOOK OUT FOR PART 2 IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS it's abt andrew and neil coming out istg it's a mess but a very fun one lmao

[geocait0815]

Demons Grasp - Chapter 2

We spend the next few days in absolute bliss, barely ever feeling the urge to leave our little cottage. We fill our days lazily with good food, some wine and old movies. Or we just stay in bed alltogether. The unspoken agreement between us is to lock out the reality of our lives for as long as we can, and just enjoy ourselves.

This is, of course, possible only to a certain degree. Jake spends quite some time at his laptop tracking the activities of his pursuers to make sure they are not catching up with him while he is not looking. I usually fill these idle hours by reading or cooking. It has become obvious that home cooked meals are not part of Jake's usual routine. And he is now taking full advantage of it. Occasionally, I sneak to the back of the house for another attempt at having a conversation with our only neighbors, the cows. They remind me of that silly conversation I had with Jessy during our virtual 'date'.

After some convincing from my side, Jake has also started to show me a few of his tricks, building on what I have learned while hacking into Hannah's cloud. Right now I am sitting in front of his laptop squinting at the little challenge he has come up with for me. The screen shows a timer, counting down mercilessly. I have less than a minute left to remember a sequence of code and type it onto the console in the correct order. I certainly wish I had not bailed on the typewriting classes back in school. It would make all of this a lot easier if I were a bit faster.

I hit Enter one last time as the timer reached 0:03. For a moment, the cursor blinks at me defiantly. Then a message pops up saying: Access granted. "Yes!" I call out raising my arms in victory. Jake, who had been standing at the fireplace poking around the burning logs, turns around with a smile. "Well done, MC. You have just hacked into a server. A hypothetical one, that is." "That means I won our bet." I get up to join him at the fireplace. "You have certainly earned the right to choose the movie tonight." "Hey, if I keep improving, I can soon join you in whatever you are doing all day. We'll be the modern Bonnie and Clyde" I joke.

Jake's face falls immediately. He puts the poker down on the mantle and takes my face between his hands. "This is nothing I want to be even joking about. I'll not allow you to risk your safety by getting involved in this mess even more than you already are."

Even though I hadn't been serious about this, his reaction hurts. I take a step back and look into the flames. We both know that at some point we'll have to talk about what our future will look like. But right now I do not want to spoil our evening more than I already have. So I put a smile on my face and say: "Well, I better get us some snacks ready. We have a long movie night ahead of us." As I walk past him towards the kitchen, I see a frown form on Jake's face. But he also does not push the topic any further.

I grab a large bowl out of one of the cabinets and put it on the table. But then, I just stand there looking out of the window. In the waning light I can see the cows enclosure and the dark forest in the distance. I hear steps behind me and suddenly Jake hugs me from behind. "I'm sorry MC. I did not mean to go off on you like that." The tension in my body, that I was not even aware I was holding, dissipates.

He starts to peck feather light kisses on my neck and I lean back against him, resting my head on his shoulder. Jake's hands start to wander and are about to sneak beneath the elastic band of my shorts, when we both suddenly freeze in motion. We both heard it...

Squeeeeaaaaak

-------------------------------

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

[yuzukult]

acquitted love || sjn & reader

title: acquitted love pairing: johnny suh x reader genre: fluff, angst, co-workers!au, lawyer!au, one-sided enemies to lovers word count: 8.7k warnings: some language/cursing, brief mentions of sex but there's no actual discussions or explicit conversations of the topic, but generally pg-13 prompt: you absolutely hate johnny suh. but when your boss pairs you two up together for one of the highest profile cases, you’re left working close with your enemy but he doesn’t seem to think that way of you. a/n: tada!! i wrote this for the @/ficscafe fic exchange event!! so @urlocalnctstan​ , hope you enjoy this !! i tried to write it according to what you put as your preferences, but honestly T_T it was so hard bc i was just not getting any ideas!! hopefully this is something you’d like :D enjoy !!

“God, isn’t he just… so attractive?”

Along with a click on your tongue, you feign a hit in Hyeri’s direction, whose reflexes have gotten so much faster in the past couple years of knowing you and it shows when she cowers underneath your arm. She gifts you that not-so-apologetic smile, full of mischievousness because she knows no matter how annoying she can be, you’ll still love her nonetheless.

“Why do you keep talking about Johnny? You know he’s banned as a topic of our conversations.”

Hyeri rolls her eyes, crossing her arms over her white frilled blouse. You know that she doesn’t actually inhabit any romantic feelings for Johnny, but she has a problem of thinking without the usage of her brain when she sees a hot guy.

Not that you think Johnny is hot.

No.

“Come on, you can’t tell me you don’t think he’s at least an ounce of smokin’ hot.” She’s unraveled her arms by now, poking your shoulder incessantly to grasp onto your attention as you're tapping on the buttons of the copier machine. “I bet if you asked him out, he’d say yes.”

You briefly glare at Hyeri. “You realize that he and I don’t get along, right? He keeps finding stupid loopholes in the system to win his cases. He thinks with his heart, not his head, and sometimes, with whatever that thing was in his pants.” And, not to mention that he walks out the court with that big grin stretched from cheek to cheek, giving the ‘good news’ to your well-respected boss (who you desperately seek the approval of but that’s a different story for another time). And every single time, she gives him that nod of appreciation, that ‘nod of approval’ if you will, when it should be given to you and not to some asshole who fucks his way to victory.

“But he’s so hot—”

You narrow your eyes at your friend, and with a stern voice, you call out, “Hyeri.”

She shrugs. “Honestly, though, he’s hella smart. He’s got a job here, and works under your boss. It’s Park, Kim & Associates—notice how Park is first, because she’s a fucking genius. She only picks the intelligent ones to work under her. Why do you think I’m still working for Mr. Kim?”

Park Seohyun and Kim Gonghyun—one of the biggest lawyers in the region, decided to join together to build their own law firm from the ground up. They were both highly respected in their field; Kim Gonghyun spent years of his life being mentored by one of the most famous judges, and as for Park Seohyun, she was, simply put, admirable because of the obstacles she has overcome to make her dreams of working in law to be real. Being a woman, young, and beautiful, she’s had her fair share of encounters with people who disregard her potential, that is until she met Gonghyun—who, admittingly is an old man who seems like he’d be traditional, sexist, even, but he proves to also make people realize how wrong they are with their impression of him.

But, as Mr. Kim is getting older, he’s gotten a bit… lazy.

In fact, he’s been slacking so much that he’s gotten a new rep in the office—if he was your direct supervisor, or your supervisor was under him, you were on the side of the office where all the easier, uncomplicated cases were assigned. Which meant that there was a slight possibility that your talents and skills weren’t as sharp and exceptional as you thought they were.

And well, Hyeri works directly underneath Mr. Kim.

Hyeri doesn’t want a heavy workload, despite the fact that there’s a plethora of files on her desk, stacked up one onto another as tall as her PC tower, and they were all open and closed cases—needless to say that she didn’t mind it.

“Okay, but you got offered a position under Seohyun. Do you really think you’re not wasting your potential?”

Hyeri scoffs. “Never. At least, not now. I’m still in my twenties, I’d like to enjoy my youth while I can, for your information.”

You quirk a brow. “And does any of that pertain fucking Johnny? The hot guy, so you claim?”

She immediately has her hand covering your mouth and you scowl. “Shhhhh, he works here!”

You bite the flesh of her hand and Hyeri instantly retracts. “You think I don’t know my archenemy works here? He sits directly across from my office—I get the best view of the guy and I’m not even one of his fangirls.”

“You’re not gonna be one of those girls who claim they’re different because they don’t like him but then end up falling for him anyway… are you?”

Your hand goes up and Hyeri crouches down.

“Stop it.”

“Seriously though! It’s the classic e2l love story,” she has her hands gesturing in front of her like she’s making an imaginary rainbow, “Two lawyers, constantly butting heads, accept each other’s differences and learn to love—“

“The fuck is an ‘e2l’?”

“Enemies to lovers.”

“Are you high? Stop spitting nonsense.” This time, you’re waving the stack of papers that finish printing in front of her face. “Meet me for lunch later. But if you keep talking about my archenemy and I falling in love, you can kiss a free meal goodbye.”

Hyeri gasps.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Maybe. Just maybe, Hyeri might be a tiny smidge right when she says Johnny is handsome. Just a bit though, because she can’t get credit for something like that.

He’s dyed his hair this shade of brunette that sort of reminds you of roasted chestnuts on a cold, winter day, sitting inside of a cooker outside of your childhood home, baking along with some sweet potatoes your mom had gotten from a farmer’s market nearby. Johnny has this focused gaze attached to the screen of his monitor; there’s a dip in the fronts of his brows, lips tightened into a straight line, and constant switching back and forth from the computer while taking notes down in a book that’s laid open in front of him.

You wonder what’s running through his mind, or well, you’re more interested in what files he has sprawled out on top of his desk.

Truthfully, if it hadn’t been obvious enough, you weren’t quite a fan of Johnny Suh and it’s mostly due to his work ethic. He’d been notorious for his reputation of sleeping around—especially with the opposing side—so it’s hard to convince yourself that he didn’t win the case because of his actual capabilities, but it’s because he pulled some strings.

And Johnny doesn’t put much effort into denying it either.

Albeit deep down, you were a teeny bit envious of his confidence. He struts around the courtroom with ease, and when he presents his position, there’s no staggering in his voice—it’s always crisp and clean, weighted with nothing but credence, and never straying from his initial perspective. It’s never a lack of poise, it’s consistently the look he goes for; from the hand gestures and the furrowed brows, to the rhetorical questions in the end of certain statements that has the speculators and jury sitting at the edge of their seat, Johnny had a talent for performing in the courtroom, but that doesn’t mean anything when the way he gets to the success isn’t ethical.

Just at that moment, his eyes lift from the screen and meet yours.

There isn’t any hesitation when you scramble to grab the remote controller, and the shades drop over the windows instantaneously.

“Fuck,” you mutter underneath your breath, tossing the remote onto your desk and shaking your hands after. What if he thought you were admiring him? Maybe he didn’t see. Yeah. It was for a brief second, and with how close your offices were to each other, it would be common to accidentally lock eyes… right?

Interrupting your thoughts, the office phone rings and it nearly startles the living soul out of you. But before you reach for it, your head tilts to the side curiously because the extension number is familiar—it’s Park Seohyun’s, your boss.

What could she be calling for?

You don’t remember fucking something up—but to be fair, half the times, you never really know if you’ve actually fucked up until someone with steaming ears and a crimson face comes storming in. So… did you do something good? Again, you don’t think that’s right either, because other people would’ve made comments about it.

Deciding to swallow your nerves, you pick up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey!” Seohyun never fails to be bubbly, and you could never mimic her energy. You definitely had to be born with that kind of enthusiasm. “I have a favor. Hop into my office.”

Leaned back in her leather swivel chair, she had her fingers laced with each other while resting over her stomach. Johnny stands beside you (and you do your best to not look directly at him, especially after that weird staring thing), and you both feel like kids being lectured by parents from how still you are. Her office is huge, probably the size of both yours and Johnny’s combined; with ceiling to floor windows, cases of books that line the perimeter, not to mention the humongous ass couch that practically covers the other half of the room, and her desk was so wide, you estimate about four monitors would fit on there with still additional space for work. That wasn’t even the best part—the view of the city looks almost like a generic lockscreen of a Windows computer, and you’re not even sure why she goes home at night when she basically has a penthouse here.

“As you know, I have a favor.”

“Right,” Johnny retorts, mostly as a filler in the awkward silence. “So… what’s the favor?”

She pulls a box from her purse; square, black and made from a leather material with a lock pad stitched into it, something you’ve never seen before, and she slides the passcode in, then it pops the lid open. A key (a… very small one) sits in the velvety cushion, with nothing else occupying the space with it, and it looks comical. She uses this to open the very top drawer of her desk, and as she pulls using the handle, there’s another box inside, but this time, metal instead of leather, but still black.

What the fuck?

It seems Johnny shares the same thoughts, because he sneaks a glance over at you.

“You see,” Seohyun begins, pressing on the digital keys of the box until there’s a beep at the end and the case hisses open. “There’s a lot of security for this. Which means you understand the importance of it.”

Then, she picks up four manila envelopes and lies on the surface of her wooden top desk. “I have a family emergency to attend to this upcoming week. I’m boarding a flight tonight. So I’m leaving the Hwang v. Yoon case to the two of you.”

“Fuck—”

“The what?”

You and Johnny are sputtering out of shock. The Hwang v. Yoon case is the biggest case that the firm is involved in currently, and the only people involved in it have been Seohyun and Gonghyun. It’s been on every social media platform you could think of; from Facebook to Twitter, TikTok to Instagram—there’s even this weird website for emo/grunge teens or strange kids that like writing fanfic called Tumblr, and whatever that is, it’s discussed on there too.

“What about Gonghyun?”

Seohyun scoffs, closing the drawer and dropping the key back into her special box. Where do you even get a box like that? “He can’t handle this alone. So I’m kicking him off until I come back. I thought about letting the two of you work with him, but his ego is so inflated, it’ll get in the way of our chances of winning. It’s easier if it was just me and him, but seeing that things at home aren’t well, I’m going to need you two to step up to the plate.”

The room goes quiet. The only sounds you hear are the muffled noises of a typical bustling office outside the thick walls of Seohyun’s office, and at first, excitement rushes through your blood because Seohyun thought of you taking over a special, high profile case.

Albeit, another realization gets soaked up, and it’s that Johnny also came to mind, and that because it’s such an important case, the two of you would be… working… many… hours… together.

Maybe you should back out of it—but then again, this is such a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Imagine winning this— it wouldn’t be good for just the law firm, it’d be good for you too. Your name, in articles on these big fancy news websites, perhaps even on new channels, talking about how you, this amazing lawyer, won the Hwang v. Yoon case.

But then you’re snapped back into reality when Johnny leans over to take the envelopes from Seohyun.

If your name is on those platforms, so is Johnny’s.

God, this guy just ruins everything, doesn’t he?

“We’ll take care of it, Seohyun. You can trust us,” he says assuringly, a smile tugging on each corner of his lips with that dazzling gaze. “We’ll be at our best.”

Kiss ass.

If you had the option, you wouldn’t be spending your Saturday night here at work, in one of those conference rooms with a long table in the middle, a big projector that displays on the wall, and a random black leather loveseat couch that lines the one corner in case there’s too many occupants.

Especially since the person who’s accompanying you is Johnny Suh.

There’s probably a lot of people who would kill to be in your position (Hyeri being one of them), but you dread it. Not to be that person, but what’s so special about him anyway? What? He’s tall, has some muscles, long luscious hair that he can slick back with that sultry stare—wait, what?

“Alright, moving on…” From what? You guys just started? It’d been clear with Seohyun that the mornings would be dedicated to other cases, but nights would be considered overtime and where you’d zoom in your focus on Ms. Hwang’s justice. “Let’s take a look at the facts here.”

Johnny slips off his blazer, hanging it on the back of one of the chairs as you’re seated in another, leaning back comfortably with an arm resting on the table. He loosens the first few buttons of his dress shirt before folding up the sleeves, and that’s when you notice a little thing in the inner crook of his elbow—is that a fucking sunflower? Is that what he uses to reel girls in? That he’s soft enough to have a pretty little flower etched onto his gentle, silky and supple—

“Okay,” he says, interjecting into your thoughts with a laser pointer in his hand. He taps on the space bar of his laptop that mirrors what’s on his screen, but then, that’s when you realize what’s on the slides.

There’s a collage of pictures, mostly street, casually walking themed ones, but the common factor was that they were of Yoon Changmin, the man you guys were up against. They were all paparazzi-like photos, which begs the question, how did he get pics like this, and why did he get them?

“What’s the point of this?” you ask, voice laced with nothing but suspicion.

“We gotta get into the mind of the enemy.” You wanna get into the mind of your enemy, too.

You gesture to the one image of Changmin with an arm around his girlfriend and a finger up his nose. “Seems like he’s trying to reach inside of his head instead of us. These are just everyday pictures, Johnny. What’s that going to do for us?”

“Well,” he begins, turning to look at the wall of ‘evidence’. “You see—wait, holy shit.”

Freezing in the midst of reaching for your coffee, your head jolts in the direction of your partner. “What? What is it?”

“Holy shit,” he exclaims, “Hoooooooooly shit. Why didn’t I see this before? This changes everything.”

Furrowing your brows, you’ve given up getting your drink and dropped your hands onto the table. “Tell me, what is it?”

“This is a game changer.”

“Johnny,” you call out sternly, and his eyes link with yours before he instantly points to a particular picture with his red laser pointer.

“Look at that.” There’s pride saturated in his words, but when you look at what he’s indicating, your body slouches in disappointment.

Why the hell was he directing your attention onto Changmin’s thighs? Surely, there’s no denying that they were attractive—you recall that his alibi was at the gym that very night of the crime.

“What? He’s guilty for showing off his toothpick legs?” They were lean, you never said they were muscular.

“No,” he retorts, slightly irritated by your response as he rolls his eyes. “Look at his pants.”

“Okay…”

“They’re jean shorts.”

There’s a pregnant pause, but the expression on your face is so loud it can’t be hidden.

Johnny continues, “That’s a fashion crime.” He says it as if it’s an obvious fact known by many. “Not to mention that it’s fucking raw hem. He should be arrested.”

Suddenly, your opinion of him thinking too much with his heart dissipates because it seems like he’s thinking out of his ass instead. Did he win those cases out of pity? How did this guy even pass the bar? How about law school? How the hell did he even get into law school?

“I don’t think—”

“Listen, alright, just hear me out,” he’s got the palms of his hands resting flat on the surface of the table, doing his best to gain your full undivided attention. “Only assholes wear jean shorts. They flaunt that shit around like they own the place, but they’re horrendous pieces of clothing that should not be on a male’s body. I don’t care what you say, what your opinion is, because that is a fact.”

Puffing your cheeks, you feel at a loss. If Johnny is who you had to get this done, it feels like you’re not going to be finding much evidence any time soon.

“Okay, if… if that’s how you want to play it, then show me the evidence—other than those 2012 cut off denim shorts.”

He reaches over to hit his space bar again, then with a wink and a slide change, he leans closer to you and says with that deep, honeyed voice, “Gladly.”

You hate admitting when you’re wrong.

Ironically, you concede and will confess when you actually are, but it doesn’t mean that you enjoy it. For example, when Hyeri claims that the intern Mark had a crush on you, you quickly waved her off, stating something along the lines of, “I’m too intimidating; there’s better chances of him being scared of me than ever finding me attractive.” And then a week later, you owed Hyeri free lunch at that hip ramen place downtown because Mark had approached your desk that very morning with a bouquet of red roses flowers for you, a cheeky grin glued to his face with pools of hearts in his eyes, and ready to ask you on a date because it was the day after his internship had ended. Naturally, it wasn’t fun rejecting that poor college boy.

But, you won’t say you find Johnny interesting or handsome. Or that there’s potential when it came to possibly (just barely the slightest smidge) that you’d ever consider asking Johnny out. He’s your enemy here, you’ve mentioned that a multitude of times, and you stand firm on that very declaration, despite the fact that sometimes when he gets too close, your breath gets caught in your throat and you feel like you can’t get whatever’s lodged in out.

Albeit it’s not the whole “you guys are gonna end up together” comment that Hyeri makes and resulting in you denying it afterwards, it’s that Johnny might… be a decent lawyer.

He’s not the best one you’ve seen; the stupid revelation he had on the first day working on the case about the jean shorts is evidence for it, but it’s the days following that were slowly changing your perspective on him.

When you said, “He thinks too much with his heart more than with his head,” it was 100% correct.

When meeting with potential witnesses, you recognized that Johnny empathizes with people often; when they cry and start panicking from being overwhelmed, he's quick on his feet to put an arm around them, share reassuring words, and have them back to normal in record’s time.

And, well… you? You’re the one making them cry in the first place.

You don’t want to fully take the blame for being the cause of their tears, but people need to hear what’s happening, and the very detail that they can’t even handle this information probably means they’re not worthwhile as a key witness.

Johnny, of course, thinks otherwise.

He believes that these people should have a voice (although you’ve alluded that they might be more useless than helpful), and putting them on the stand with Yoon Changmin there would change the view of the jury to supporting Hwang Naeri.

“Listen, if we get these people to sign the form, we’d get witnesses and it’ll help Naeri,” Johnny claims, frantically moving his arms annoyingly as he talks, trying his best to express the gravity of the situation, “and maybe, maybe, money wouldn’t be how Changmin wins, but how he loses. We can’t have another person with jean shorts walking on the streets of our city like this—they deserve to go to prison.”

You scrunch up your nose. “Why does this always revert back to the jean shorts?”

“It always has to do with jean shorts,” he snaps back matter-of-factly. “Any straight guy wearing jean shorts with that much goddamn confidence has done some wrong in their lives.”

“Right, but I’m pretty sure that the crimes he did are mainly the reason why he’s being prosecuted against.”

“Jean shorts are the windows to the soul.”

“I’m almost 100% sure that eyes are the windows to the soul, but whatever. If you genuinely believe that the women we met today would benefit our case, then… okay. Let’s bring them to the stand.”

On the contrary to you, Johnny doesn’t have a hard time convincing witnesses to testify. You see the way that he works; those kind eyes directed at the participants, the pools of chocolate were sweet, saturated in nothing but tenderness and warmth, then he does that weird thing where he reaches for their hands and cups them before the words that escapes from his lips are enough to swoon them to stand in front of a courtroom.

Maybe, just maybe, there’s a method to his so-called madness.

Aggression and bluntness don’t work, it seems, because when you’re the one attempting to convince these people to go against the man that had done them wrong, they’re less willing to do it. Something about ‘moving on,’ and ‘not wanting to relive those memories again,’ but if it was you, you’d want justice. Then again, not everyone is like you, and not everyone thinks like you, and spending this abundance of time with Johnny is slowly getting you to ease into that perspective.

So… the initial impression you had of him may have been wrong.

And maybe, just maybe, you’re developing some feelings for him, just as Hyeri predicted.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

His abrupt personal question is enough to have the coffee spill into your mouth to slide down the ‘wrong throat’ because you’re choking, hand on your chest as you’re tackling to regain your breath again and Johnny only stares in disbelief, blinking blankly. “Are… are you okay?”

You glare at him through a hooded gaze. “Well,” you clear your throat once more. “Now, I am.”

“Cool.” He nods, retracting his hand so he could rub your back soothingly, deciding it’s best to stay away. “Are you going to answer my question?”

Quirking a brow, your head tilts slightly in puzzlement. “Why are you asking this?”

Johnny shrugs. “Isn’t it weird that we’ve hung out with each other for a whole week—stayed here for nights and we both don’t know anything about each other?”

Tapping your fingers against the wooden top table, you sigh. Maybe he’s got a point; after all, “Keep your friends close; keep your enemies closer,” right?

“No, I’m single.”

Johnny’s face suddenly brightens, ears perked, and his body straightens its posture in his seat at this revelation. “Oh, uh, I didn’t know that. You seemed busy in your personal life, so I, uh… was just wondering.” He looked anxious, but you couldn’t pinpoint why. “I, um, I’m single too, by the way, in case you’re wondering.” You weren’t.

The plethora of cardboard and plastic boxes scattered across the table was a representation of the night. It’s been long, exhausting, and messy, mostly because it’s a Friday night, the hearing was on Monday, and the two of you were nowhere near close to having enough to present to the court. In fear of disappointing Seohyun, the two of you agreed to stay over the office for the weekend to cram work for the case. There’s no denying that the atmosphere is weirder on the weekends, especially since, well, no one really comes here on the weekends. Johnny had to use the bathroom earlier and ran into the cleaning lady and she nearly shit her pants because she didn’t think anyone was here, so she had music blasting in her headphones.

Johnny is… interesting. He makes you laugh—or well, want to laugh, but you don’t give him that sense of satisfaction—and he’s smart but in his own weird way. He’s not like the other lawyers you’ve met, or any of the law students you attended University with because he’s more lighthearted and free-spirited than the rest, taking life in strides instead of just overwhelming himself in the abundance of stress that work brings.

He’s entirely the opposite of you.

And maybe you could learn something from the guy, but there’s something in you that brews hatred toward him. Possibility that you resent how easy he makes being a lawyer seem when you’re struggling in your day-to-day life to make things work.

But it’s way too fucking hard when he’s just… like that.

Despite all of that, he’s very generous and kind toward you. On rough days, he delivers your coffee order, the one you always get because he remembers what you asked the intern to get for you the last time, and he’s good at identifying when you’re just having that kind of day. You eventually learn he has a photographic memory (fucking show off), so when he saw that crumpled napkin with scribbles of what you want in that dumb intern’s hand, it wasn’t hard to remember. Which, by the way, is how he’s able to get into the most prestigious school for undergrad, manage to pass the bar so easily, and get into law school effortlessly.

And knowing this information sort of angers you more.

You know this isn’t his fault—he’s been blessed with a trait that people desire, one that you also yearn for, but the lucky ones get handed a lot of things in life. You wonder if he’s the type of guy who wins girls easily after matching with them on dating sites because of this stupid ass ‘photographic memory.’ Does he sleep with them right after? Does it ever get serious?

You shrug your shoulders and shake your head. You shouldn’t even let these strange thoughts haunt you, especially when you don’t even like him.

He’s a spoiled brat who gets everything handed to him on a silver platter.

So you’re left counting the remaining days until the trial so you don’t ever have to work with Johnny Suh this closely again.

Okay, well, it’s evident that bad luck is glued to your side because after you win the Hwang v. Yoon case for your law firm with that asshole, Seohyun is so impressed. So goddamn impressed that she insists that all the high profile cases are to be given to both you and Johnny.

To work as a team.

Together.

Jesus, this is Hell for you.

Surely, the promotion and raise that came along with it was definitely a plus, but it has you wondering if it’s even worth it. He’s been your unspoken enemy since the first day, and although you think you’re pretty forthright about your hatred for this guy, he can’t seem to read social cues.

When you’re pushing the double doors into the conference room the two of you often spend working on cases in, you expect Johnny to be ready for another day. But strangely enough, Johnny doesn’t have his laptop out or any of the notebooks sprawled across the table.

“Um,” you slide the strap of your bag off your shoulder and onto the spare chair. “Did you come late or something?”

He takes in a deep breath like he’s been holding back something. “We need to talk.”

There’s worry inscribed into his features; from the crease in between his brows, to his pursed lips, and eyes soaked in concern, almost like he’s got bad news to share and it has your stomach in knots. Was it that the case was thrown out? It couldn’t be, right? You both worked hard, presented your stance to the point that the jury and the judge were in awe with your findings. Sure, you had to cover Johnny’s mouth right before he was about to go off in a tangent about jean shorts, but overall, it was a good win, a hard one to go back on and pull out the wrongs of it. So what was it?

“I’m quitting our partnership.”

You blink. “What?”

He gestures to the room with his hands as if there’s anything out to reference. “This thing. Our work. The big profile cases. The famous stuff. I told Seohyun that I won’t be doing it anymore and she can revoke the promotion and the raise.”

You’re still not catching on. “… Why?” Was it something you did? Yeah, you weren’t a big fan of Johnny either, but were you so bad that he decided to not go through with the raise because of you?

“Because,” he pushes his blazer back, hands sliding into the front pockets of his navy blue trousers. “There’s a policy put into place. Those who are on the same cases cannot have any personal relations with each other that extend past friendships.”

“We’re not even friends?” With confusion written across your face, your head tilts to the side. “I’m not… I’m not catching on here.”

“I like you.”

Startled, the words you want to say are stolen out of your mouth. You’re left with a mixture of perturbation and bewilderment, uncertain where to go from there because Johnny asked for the removal of both a promotion and additional money that could be so good for his career… and it’s all because he has a crush on you?

“You quit the best thing that could’ve happened to you because you like me?”

“Yeah,” Johnny states calmly, sucking in his cheeks for a brief moment. “Ain’t that romantic?”

You scoff. “No. Absolutely not. You’re insane! Why would you do yourself dirty like that? Use your head, Johnny, you’re constantly thinking with that stupid heart of yours, and hate to break it to you, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Combing your hair with your fingers, you let out a sigh. “Go ask Seohyun for the position back. Say you made a mistake and—”

“I’m not asking her for the position back.”

Johnny doesn’t make any sense to you. “What? Why wouldn’t you do that?

“Because,” he laughs in disbelief, not because he thinks you’re funny. “I’m not going to force myself to work with a girl that I keep falling for. That’s self-inflicting, you realize that, right? You’re amazing, but you can seriously be so dense sometimes.”

“I’m dense? You just told one of the best law firms in the city that you don’t want to work on the important cases anymore because you have a stupid crush on your partner!”

“If we were on a team with more people, maybe it’d be different. But it’s just us two. You think I won’t fall any harder? That’s not easy. Every time I see you working, I swear I could be hopelessly in love with you one day.”

Your heart stops for a second.

This is Johnny Suh you were talking about here. One of the claimed best lawyers in your office, one of the most intelligent people that Hyeri has ever met, and Seohyun evidently backs this up because she’s given him so much recognition for his work. He’s the guy who worked with you to win the Hwang v. Yoon case, he’s the one who brought up the stupid jean shorts that seemed so far-fetched at the time, but they were a crucial detail everyone missed—it so happened that when Changmin bought those dumb shorts, there was evidence of at least one of his crimes in that store from the security cameras.

Any cis-gendered male who wears jean shorts can’t be trusted, according to Johnny.

And candidly speaking? You couldn’t even deny that. Your past two ex-boyfriends both wore jean shorts and the one cheated on you and the other one was caught money laundering.

“Listen,” he begins, interrupting your foggy thoughts. “I’m not asking you to tell me you like me back. I’m telling you because you should know, and that I can’t go on any further without letting you know. I’ll, uh, be in my office. Seohyun said she’d find a replacement for me.”

Hyeri is his replacement.

She’s great company and does a good job of helping you with whatever you need, but that was just it. Hyeri followed you, she never led with you, just as Johnny does. Agreeing with everything you say, mindlessly trailing behind everything you do—Hyeri was smart, but she couldn’t figure out how to think for herself when it came to these bigger cases because she’s never been given such a responsibility. But you couldn’t even blame her because it’s what she was told to do under Gonghyun.

“You said that you think Maeri snatched the bracelet?”

“No, I said if you watched the security video that the jewelry store submitted, it clearly shows that Maeri snatched the bracelet. Not that I ‘think.’ The proof is right there, Hyeri.”

She nods, resuming back to her work on the computer. Truthfully, Hyeri felt more like an assistant than a co-worker, someone to bounce ideas off of and to see from a different perspective. And as much as you hated Johnny, he had decent points. He had ways of making you put yourself into the shoes of people you never thought you were; although the guy was obnoxious, at least he actually was… good at his job.

Deciding you can’t take it anymore when Hyeri asks for the tenth time that hour about your beliefs rather than her own, you abruptly stand from your seat.

“Where are you going?”

“Out,” you reply shortly. “I’ll be back.”

It was just a spontaneous thought. It’s after hours, and although there are some people who stay behind to get some work done, you had your doubts that Johnny would still be here. He seems to have a better grip on that work/life balance thing people talked about (unlike yourself), but it didn’t hurt to check his office, right?

It’s a good thing you went with it. Because right across from yours, there’s Johnny.

There’s one single lamp that shines over the tabletop of his desk, and the other sources of light in his office are from his computer screen and the ones from the city skyline from behind him. It has him seemingly angelic like this, so serene, calm, and collected, only focused on what’s laid out in front of him. The sun has gone down, people have gone home, but Johnny remains, hardworking as always, despite your previous observations that he’s a lazy, unprofessional guy who gets everything handed down to him.

With a knock on his glass door, he flinches, head raising up and eyes meeting yours.

Were his eyes always this sparkly?

Opening the door, Johnny drops the pen in his hand and crosses his arms before leaning back in his seat. “What’s up?”

“You’re here late,” you state the obvious, and Johnny only nods in return, without a rebuttal in sight. “You aren’t normally here late. At least, before the Hwang v. Yoon case.”

“Yeah, you’re right. But Seohyun dropped something on my desk this morning. Wanted to work on it. What brings you here?”

Inhaling in a deep breath of courage, your hands bundle up into a fist by your side. “Please come back.”

Johnny raises a brow. “What?”

“Come back,” you reiterate, this time, it’s less tense and releases with ease. Caving in isn’t usually this effortless to you, but something about Johnny makes you feel… comfortable enough.“Come back and work with me again. Yes, I’m not supportive of how you do things—”

“Then let’s go out on a date.”

You freeze. Legs rooted into the floors of Johnny’s office, you’re left immobile and diffident on how to react next. It wasn’t what you were expecting, although you weren’t quite sure what you were hoping to anticipate, but it most definitely was not this.

“I—”

“I said my terms,” he retorts, shutting the book in front of him before shuffling up from his seat. He’s leaving, you realize, and Johnny’s ready to head home for the night and you’re not sure if you could handle an entire weekend with Hyeri here. “And, I meant what I said. One date, and if it really doesn’t work out, I’ll stay on the case.”

Chewing on your bottom lip anxiously, the next words that come out are out of character for you. “And… what if it does?”

A soft smile tugs from each corner of his mouth. “Then we’ll figure it out from there. Promise.”

This is… awkward. It shouldn’t be, but yet somehow, it remains awkward.

You’ve spent weeks with Johnny before, and those moments were in a room, in the middle of the night, and alone. Hours and hours were dedicated to work, yes, but it was just the two of you and nobody else.

So why is it so weird being in a five Michelin star restaurant with him?

Maybe it’s the atmosphere. The dim lights, the white clothed tables in lieu of the scratched up wooden one back at the law firm, and instead of leather seats, there’s a neutral beige chaise cushion for the dining chair, slightly less comfortable because it doesn’t recline like the one in your office. Instead of an array of photos and evidence disseminated in front of you, there’s a laminated menu with a multitude of options of what to have for dinner.

Johnny gets the steak with mashed potatoes and string beans, and you order something similar but seared salmon for the main protein. The waitress offers wine, babbling on about the age of the red, where the vineyard is located, and the dryness to sweetness—to be honest, you could care less; you’d rather have gin and sprite with a squirt of lime. A couple glasses of that and you can almost guarantee that the night would end with a deep slumber.

Oddly enough, Johnny seems nervous. Ever since he pulled up in his midnight black Audi in front of your apartment complex, he’s been acting strange. He keeps wiping his sweaty palms off the material of his trousers, occasionally swiping off the droplets that fall on the side of his face.

“Are you… okay?” you suddenly ask, adjusting your dress in your seat. Deciding to go with a black silk dress with a slit up the leg and your hair let down, it’s not a look you often sport but since you’re going on a date (one you haven’t been on in quite some time), you figured it would be nice to at least play the part.

“I’m, uh, honestly, I’ve never really asked a girl out before.”

You quirk a brow curiously. “What? You’re telling me you never asked a girl out before?”

He lets out a bashful laugh with a faint nod, making an attempt to swallow his nerves after. “Honestly, I’ve always been asked out and not the other way around. Not to sound like that guy, but I never really had to put effort into trying for girls. They kind of just…”

“—Throw themselves at you?”

He beams. “Yeah! Like that. I don’t really know how to react half the time, but it makes the whole dating scene a little bit easier.” Geez, he called you dense, but he’s over here acting clueless.

Either way, it feels like whatever opinion you had about Johnny remained true. He never had to try when it came to the dating scene, and you could only imagine what that means for work and the relationships he has with the women in your career field.

“Mm, does that usually happen with work too?”

Befuddled, Johnny leans back in his chair. “What do you mean by that?”

With a shrug of your shoulders, you’re poking the meat of your salmon that falls off easily. After the first initial bite, the fish practically melts on impact when it touches the tip of your tongue, smooth like butter and bursting with flavor that couldn’t be described by any common person because it wouldn’t do the salmon justice. Johnny seemed to put a lot into this date, and you’re left pondering what the point of this was. Did he actually like you, or was he trying to get into your head? “Just seems like you get a lot of special treatment.”

“Are you jealous?”

“In what way?” you snap back.

“Are you jealous of me because I’m getting this so-called special treatment that you think I’ve always had, or were you jealous of the girls that seemingly got my attention?”

You’re left without anything to say.

It was a good observation he made because truthfully, you never saw it like that.

In actuality, you often saw Johnny as your rival. He climbed the ladder in the field with ease, and it wasn’t hard to quickly blame his success on the fact that he was a guy in a male dominated industry, but the fact that there’s a possible interpretation for your hatred may be from these feelings you might’ve been harboring for him this entire time… that can’t be it… right?

“I mean, look at where you are now,” you begin, trying to defend yourself. It can’t be true that the reason you’ve been bitter about Johnny was because of the girls that got his attention, and one of them not being you. “You got a high position from—”

“—From hard work,” Johnny interjects with his brows furrowed. “I didn’t get to where I was because I slept around, if that’s what you’re insinuating. I knew you sort of always hated me, but I’ve always admired you. I like your work ethic, I like your style, even though we’re both on opposite spectrums, I like the way you think and I wanted to know what it was like being partners with you. Getting to be on that case with you showed me more than just who you were as a lawyer, but who you were as a person. I like you, but I’m trying to put my finger on why you hate me so much.”

“So you noticed.” Sucking in your cheeks, your eyes trail elsewhere—from the fork that lays beside your plate, to the glass filled halfway with wine, to the little candle that sits in between the two of you that flickers the way he has your heart when he expresses once more how he feels about you.

“Yeah, of course I noticed. If you like someone, it’s kind to miss details like that about them. So… you really hated me because you thought I slept my way to the top, huh?”

“I mean…” shoulders dropping in exasperation, you run your fingers through your disheveled hair. “All those rumors—”

“Again, they’re just rumors. I worked hard to get here, you know. And I’m kind of offended that you thought of me that way.”

You scoff. “They’re rumors, Johnny, it’s kind of hard to ignore all the office gossip when that’s all you hear. Plus, it wasn’t hard to believe either, with the whole flirtatious act whenever you encounter anyone who’s breathing and has a vagina.”

“I wasn’t flirting.”

“You need a book for dummies that elaborates on what’s flirting or not, because Johnny Suh, whatever it is you do with your body language in front of that chick who sits by the front door.”

“You mean Siwoo? The pregnant one who’s married to her highschool sweetheart? Also, how do you not know our receptionist’s name?”

You throw your arms into the air. “How am I supposed to know her name?”

He tilts his head to the side, genuinely baffled. “Do you… not talk to anyone outside of Hyeri?”

Your silence answers his question.

“I… honestly, I don’t know if I should be offended or if I should be honored. You think I didn’t earn anything that I have now, you think that everything I have was handed to me. On one hand, it’s flattering that you think my looks and my bedroom skills could do that but at the same time… I’m offended because you think I’m incapable.”

“I never said you were incapable—”

“But you implied it.”

Hands falling onto your lap, it’s your turn to gulp. His words come shooting at you, but you’re without a shield to protect yourself, and with the new experience of working with Johnny, there comes the realization at times that Johnny is a hard worker. There are some things that he says and does that aren’t like the people you’ve encountered, and being put on new cases with Hyeri only proved it. He’s thoughtful in the sense that whenever you’d bring up your stance on something, he challenges you with what the defense might counter.

Johnny makes you want to be better. Not just against him, but to brush off the dust on your skills and enter into the battlefield of a courtroom to showcase them.

“Well, if you’re staying silent, I just want to say that I tried,” the crinkle in between your brows makes another appearance because Johnny is great at leaving you stunned and confused. “I really like you. I love how your head works, and I wanna be with someone like that but I also can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect me.”

Why is it that when you’re in that conference room with him, you’re not afraid and never running out of things to say, but now you’re empty handed?

“I’ll pay for dinner. Grab you an Uber. I honestly thought I could overlook those things, and maybe your perspective for me has changed, but I could see it on your face. It’s the same.”

After that date with Johnny, his life turns back to normal.

Yours? Not so much.

Candidly speaking, part of you missed working with Johnny. You were wrong about him, so wrong, and even when you wanted to apologize at the dinner for what you thought of him, the pride in you was like a vicious plague that blackened your insides, preventing you from ever saying those words.

Oftentimes, you’d still be able to sneak a glimpse of him in his office with that same look on his face—full of concentration and nothing else in his mind other than the task at hand.

The cases you have with Hyeri entail a head like Johnny’s. Someone who could question you, to protest against your stance when there could be flaws in it. It feels like deja vu each time you think about it, each time you open a new case file and Hyeri sits there, perched in that seat beside yours, eyes sparkling with what you have in mind next, instead of what she has going on in hers.

Although you’ve tried convincing yourself that maybe, just maybe, what you feel for Johnny is purely professional but when you see him standing by the water cooler with a couple of your coworkers, eyes mimicking the moon crescents in the skies, replicating the ways his lips curl in elation—it was beginning hard to believe that it was all platonic feelings.

So maybe you should be bold for once. Pull off that exterior that displays you as someone who isn’t just independent and assiduous, but someone who’s stubborn and aggressive in getting what they want—and not in a good way.

This time, you’ll show it in a good way.

Or at least, you’ll try.

Johnny is a routine kind-of-guy—he grabs an iced americano every morning at the coffee shop downstairs at the edge of the street, he does his daily 11:00AM drop-by at the water cooler to refill his Hydroflask (which was his prized possession, by the way), and parked in the same exact spot in the parking garage of your building, despite there being an abundance of places he could choose.

That’s why you decide to stand by his car after work that day. Bouncing on the balls of your feet, hands shaking because it’s your turn to feel anxious. That blazer that once fit so comfortably in the morning suddenly feels tight and hot in the afternoon, and the weather hasn’t even changed. Your bag slung over your shoulder weighs ten times heavier than an hour ago, and you can’t stop your jaw from tightening.

Before your thoughts could spiral off all the possibilities of what the outcome may be when you tell Johnny how you feel, he’s already standing there, feet away from you with that dip in the fronts of his brows that you want to smoothen out the crinkles of with the pad of your thumb.

“Hi,” you greet, faint and peculiarly different from your other approaches. “Um, I just… was waiting for you.”

“Hey,” Johnny says back, the first few buttons of his shirt already unraveled, his blazer hung over his forearm and the sleeves are rolled up. “I see that. What’s up with you?”

“Um,” your leg was jittery, hard to control so you spat everything you had to say out as fast as you could before he could see right through you. “I just wanted to apologize. For everything. You’re admirable, kind, and I wish I inhabited those same characteristics you have. I think professionally, you’ve got great ideas, one that could be implemented into mine and what we did together for that case was just… yeah. We could do something big if we put our heads together.”

Johnny nods in agreement. The relationship between you two work-wise was obvious, he knew that much. “And what about… outside of that?”

“I like you,” you choked, barely getting the words out. “More than just coworkers, um, I guess, more than friends but I’m not really sure since you walked out on our first date,” inhaling in a deep breath of courage, you continue on, “and I don’t know how you feel now after I’m standing before you like this, asking for another chance and that I’m sorry.”

He stares at you blankly, and it leaves you unsure whether or not he accepts your apology. “You know why we ended that date early.”

“Well,” you start again, “can we… start over and try again? I promise I won’t tempt you to end the date early this time.”

And with that, there’s the signature smile that Johnny sports that swoons girls, makes their knees weak, and heart clench but this time… it’s just for you.

“I’d really like that.”

[itstheimpossibledream]

Homecoming

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Reader

Word Count:1990

Warnings: Smut,DaddyDom!Henry, Oral (female reciving)

Summary: Henry takes you to his hometown but, you become slightly jealous of the attention he recieves. Please do not repost my fics without my permission but, we always love a reblog ! Inbox& Requests always open!

You stepped into the hotel room, immediately taking off your jacket and throwing your purse to the floor. 

"What the fuck Henry?" you asked as you whirled around to face him. The beach day date of his hometown was his thing, it was supposed to be planned so that the two of you could finally spend some free time together. But, the entire day had ended up with Henry signing autograph after autograph; being hit on by a waitress here, asked out by a bartender there, and he's just taking it as though it is completely normal. You had spent so much time choosing your outfit, ordering clothes for the weekend. It had been so weird to be in his hometown. His parents had been entirely shocked Henry even wanted to come visit home again.They were on a vacation somewhere, Henry  spared no expense on their travel it was the one thing the job actually made easier. He was used to the money being able to satiate everyone else in his life, that when it failed to impress you, he had no idea how to go from there. It shocked you how thoroughly and completely he had outweighed telling you what he's feeling. The one thing you wanted more than anything was for Henry to let you in. To just explain his emotions and say what he was thinking. The brooding charm was sexy, and it had no doubt gotten you home from the club that night. But, as boyfriend material he was wearing you thin. 

"Why can't we just get one moment together?Or does that not matter to you anymore? We came on this trip in an attempt to be together yet the whole time we have never actually been together. In Fact, I think I've spent more time in your apartment during filming than at your actual home. I'm trying to get to know you Henry, I am but I can't do it if you're constantly flaunting yourself for people.”

"Flaunting?"he asks " You wanted to see my first job, I took you there.That wasn't flaunting.That was me trying to let you in, and the second the waitress compliments me you get upset."

"Compliment!..... Henry? Compliment?Fucking really ? She told you she and the other waitresses had a bet on how big your dick is!" you exclaimed, sitting down at the edge of the bed, partially running a hand through your hair .

"Yeah but I didn't tell them !" he fired back "Look, (y/n) I am trying here. You have to meet me halfway.This is what people are like around me. I want this to work , I -I want this to be something " He slowed his speech down looking directly into your eyes,so piercingly blue. " I also need you to promise me that you're going to try. I-darling I need you to try." he kneeled on the floor in front of you, grabbing your hands and forcing you to look into his eyes. His eyes pierced your soul, he always knew what to say to keep you from walking away. You sighed,removing your hands from his, finally committing to taking down your ponytail and letting your curls frame your face. 

"You are beautiful. I'm sorry people reminded me more today of that than they did of you,  you need to hear it just as much, if not twice. You deserve it......Everything about being with you makes me feel lucky."

You looked down at him and took notice of the fact that you usually never looked down on him. Seeing the top of his head was a virtue. He was being vulnerable. You also noted the cologne he had on, not overtly strong but,enough of a scent for you to notice. His eyes looked strong, so serious and eager to please you. You gently leaned in and kissed him. You laughed as you felt him smile into your kiss. He reached a hand up cradling the back of your head over your hair, his thumb caressing your cheek. He steadies you, leaning further in. You felt safe, in this room in your little love cocoon. The salty smell of the sea water wafted through the window and you hated yourself for ruining what was meant to be a beautiful time.Waves of emotion washed over you as you inhaled him deeply.

"So you like to argue don't you?" you felt Henry's smile turn into a smirk as he ran his other hand along the up the curve of your thigh, to the edge of your shirt. He played with the hem of the shirt denying you the contact he knew you desperately craved. You pushed your hips further in, closer to him and he exhaled into you. You knew he could feel the heat reverberating from your core, and you were sure his jeans were tightening by the minute. Hooking an arm around his neck you pulled yourself up and into him. He situates his hand on the side of your face slowly dipping his thumb into your mouth. You pull off his baseball cap and toss it behind you. So much for him being disguised during the date. You couldn't get away from the fact that seeing that passion from him, that honesty had moved you.On the other hand he was an actor, that's what they were supposed to do right? say the right thing?

"You know, next time instead of getting jealous" he mumbled in between kisses  you could just tell me to follow you to the bathroom. I could be extra loud when I cum too, so they know I belong to you." he lifted you up by your ass and threw you onto the bed. 

"aren't you always extra loud when you cum?" You asked wriggling out of your vest and shirt beneath him.

"Isn't that what you like?" he retorts, trying to ignore the fact that he was slightly stuck inside his shirt. Yes he was perfect at saying the right thing but, he was still a person,still real, still riddled with insecurities like anyone else. It just didn't help that the rest of the world rarely saw it. That first night you met he had stood near you in the club for a little shy of an hour before saying anything at all.

He tugs harder on his shirt and you watch as the stretch makes the muscles in his sides more visible, the outline of his ribs below the expanse of hair on his chest that you had never particularly been into, yet on him seemed masculine and mature. Trailing down to the V. His abs and hips meeting in this perfection of symmetrical musculature was enough for you to understand why any woman would swoon at the thought of him entering a diner and crossing his toned legs at the table even with a baseball cap pulled over his eyes. 

"Now you're getting shy." He jests at the fact that you had not answered his question but proceeded to take him in.

"Tell daddy what you want." he encouraged, his voice barely a whisper. God, when he said things like that, it made you unable to respond. So, you decided not to,grabbing his hand and moving it down into your sweatpants, to your core pressing it hard against your clit. He began to move his hand slowly as he smiled down at you; The smile lines at the corner of his mouth, playing games with your heart. 

"Is that it then ? You just want me to touch you?" his warm hand inched lower and you could feel him lightly dip a finger into you. You moan to your own surprise, andhe immediately removes it. You watch his face, intent and you're slightly embarrassed by the attention,  but it's enough just knowing that he wanted to be inside of you, any part of him. You buck your hips up to him in an effort to convince him to finger you again but, to no avail.      

"Unnnhhh.No. sweetheart I said tell me " he says shaking his head.

Your voice comes out shakily and much smaller than expected. 

" I want- I want you to make me cum." you say breathlessly 

"What else?" he leans in , his face turning hard and stoic.

"I want you to degrade me, to use me." He breaks into a full smile now, wide and you exhale loudly as he forces two fingers back inside of you. He chuckles at the noise you make, knowing full well what he's doing to you.

"You want me to use you like a toy because you're a whore." He says matter of factly, picking up speed between your legs. 

"You're so wet  just thinking of me using you, aren't you princess?" he growls into your ear.God he was really going for it today, and you were loving every minute of it.  

"You're so needy already I didn't even get a chance to fuck you." he chuckles and you feel his palm shift right onto your clit.

You manage to whisper "Right there" knowing full well it may be the only instruction you are allowed to give for the rest of the day. But,he doesn't move his hand.

"You like that pressure on your little clit don't you baby?" he asks. You look up at him pleadingly, eyes begging for him to allow you to have this orgasm. "Come for me then, go ahead" he says lifting his eyebrow. You look down at his hand buried inside you under your sweatpants and begin moving your hips faster.

"Come on Daddy's hand since you want to come so bad." he mocks , you buck onto his hands, knowing you are close. You let out  a small whine and you can see as his blue pupils blow out with lust. More whimpers come and before you know it you are releasing all over his hand, breathing into his mouth .

"That's my fucking girl." he smiles broadly looking down at you. You cover your eyes with your forearm, embarrassed to know that he had watched your face the entire time. 

"You are so beautiful right now." he says as you manage to break into a slight smile, still refusing to make eye contact. You feel the weight on the bed shift as he moves. When you finally remove your arm , you see him at the foot of the bed. Somehow, he had found his hat and he tugs it on as he reaches for his phone on the hotel table.

"What are you doing?" you ask

"O nooow you want to talk to me." he chuckles as you roll your eyes "I'm getting room service for us so we don't have to go anywhere. It's just going to be you and me, like it should've been."

You sit up in bed promptly "Well, I still want to know about this place! What you did, what you liked, what you learned in your hometown."

"This is what I learned, " he says, gesturing to the bed."This is what I'm good at." 

"Please, Henry you're good at more than just sex."

"Am I ? My agent isn't exactly having the easiest time right now." he says slumping on the edge of the bed. 

"Hey-  we both have shit that we could think of all weekend to make us pissed life isn't going our way...or- or we could say fuck it , and enjoy this bit of time we have together because we don't know when it's going to happen again. " 

"I'm sorry- I'm sorry sweetheart." he smiles.

"You're forgiven. Now, " you say moving yourself forward and crawling towards him on the bed. "It's your turn" reaching for his belt buckle. He immediately lays back, ready for you to do whatever you wanted with him. Maybe this trip wasn't going to be such a bust after all.