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tabletopjourneys · 3 years

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Session 35 Notes

The Silver Scale Pack get to know various members of Rana's immediate family, get woken by draconic-speaking rodents, find out more about their quest, and hit a few stores on their way back through Longview, headed for one of the local taverns.

@gher-bear @aradow @telurin @epimetala

On this day we have a nice visit with Rana's mother, Romy, stay over and find out Anesh, for as long as anyone can remember, has a population of tiny animals that speak draconic. They all speak draconic and have infected our rats with the same! It's totally normal guys! And no, Diem, it is not because one of the town's people is secretly a dragon. We'd know. For sure.

The next day we move on to meet Rana's brother, sister-in-law, niece, and niephew. We find out a little more about Haldric and Phi's daggers, which she hides in her pack and displays her common daggers in their place instead. Ixayl'anu gets her platinum ring made, Diem gives the kids their putty vivis as a gift. On our way toward the tavern, we hit a general supply store and maaaybe one other??? Dried fruits and granola were purchased along Phi's medical supplies at any rate.

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Session 35 Notes

Notes!

(Chillin’ with Rana’s mom)

When we go in Rana’s home, Phi becomes a wandering cat who helps herself to exploration, comes back and says “There’s a hot tub!”

Mom: You’re welcome to borrow it.

Phi: Is this where you grew up?

Rana: Yep! (pulls out duck sauce, honey, apple jam etc. - giving it to her mom).

Phi sees this and pulls out her very expired mixed fruit to hand over, along with her gummy owlbears.

Mom: Oh no dear, that’s fine, you don’t have to start pulling supplies out of your pack.

Phi drops the gummy owlbears into the pile anyway.

Rana: Really sorry to barge in like this, but we just needed a couple of days, we’ve run into some situations and I’m looking for someone in Bouldergap - wanted to see if Stell knew anything about them.

Romy tells us we’re welcome anyway, stresses that this is still Rana’s home too and says something about friends that I missed for note-taking.

Rana pulls out the silver scale and letter from Retin and talks about him, says she’s pretty sure the guy Retin is sending us to is a dwarf. We were told he might be helpful, but we weren’t told where he was. She figured Bouldergap was the place to look and knows it’s a long shot her mom or brother would know him but we also needed a place to stay on the way, so thought she thought she might as well ask.

Romy: I can’t be sure but I feel like Stell has mentioned a Haldric in passing but I certainly don’t have a whole lot of communication with anybody of that name.

Rana: No ironbands as customers then?

Romy: No

Rana: It’s a weird thing, handed us this dragon scale gave us that name and sent us this way.

We’ve noticed Romy has a bone of contention with Rana over the news about shadowood travelling.

With prompting Diem remembers they’re the story teller and should tell it, 13 performance, gets smoother as they go on. However, to their friends, who have heard Diem tell this particular story among others many times, they definitely seem off their game a little.

When we get to fighting the dragon, Romy is worried, Diem insists healers were on standby so nobody died

Rana: We almost had him.

Diem: Well I mean technically one of us did get him later that night…

Phi cracks up laughing

After stories Rana says something about the meteor

Mom says something I missed for note-taking, GM is telling us about blacksmiths/nosy customers (so maybe something about that?).

Through conversation we gather that Grismor is innkeeper/tavern keeper of The Smiling Dragon - one of 2 inns who trades in gossip. Smiling Dragon is better for gossip, better drink, does his own ale, seasonal brews, jolly little dwarf who is as tall as he is round. Square dwarf.

Rana tells us about her messages to her brother which provided a nice distraction about meteor news for Longview.

Rana offers her mother the camels then belated asks us if that’s alright.

Diem says that they can’t obviously take the camels everywhere they go after this anyway.

There’s some talk about whether they’re needed for the trip further North.

Romy: Lets see how they do with the sheep

Rana: Elk’s in with the sheep and they’re doing fine (I think we ended up deciding ooc that it’s in a separate paddock though).

Rana is playing with the silver dragon scale while making small talk which eventually includes Farford gossip too - specifically the mention of a firecat.

Romy: Yeah someone was talking about seeing one here too.

Rana: No one saw the person it was with so I’m thinking it’s just a stray

Romy: We do have a lot of flame point cats in the area so it’s possible I suppose.

Ixayl’anu: Is it the same type of cat?

Conversation about them being wild cats vs tame, a specific species, etc continues.

Rana: No like flame point siamese not actual fire

DM: these are not just cats they are more akin to avatars of The Candace

We find out the entire town is talking about firecats too

Rana: How’s Stell (Stellan) doing? I picked up a few things for the kids, so hopefully they’ll like it.

Romy: Good

Rana: Nothing alive

Romy: I’m sure Stell will appreciate that.

Diem asks about the kids so we find out Rana has a niece and niephio (I have no idea on the spelling for this and a google search turned up only nibling as a suggestion for enby niece/nephew). Diem grins further to learn of the niephio in particular.

Rana (upon mention of the niece): She big enough to help with the forge yet?

Romy: She’s big enough to do the bellows and help out

Rana: We will hunt them down tomorrow

Phi: Yay!

At some point Phi would say “So your brother only has two kids?”

Rana: Yeah just two kids

Phi: Oh, so they’re just starting?

Rana: No I get the impression they might be done

Phi: Interesting...

Rana: At least he doesn’t (something I missed)

Phi: Well, that’s why you have more, so they can be together.

Rana: I’ll mention it to him...better yet you could mention it to him

Phi: This is the starter pack right?

Romy is extremely amused by this conversation.

(Dinner prep and additional conversations)

There are dress mannequins and clothes everywhere, fabrics everywhere.

Diem and Romy eventually start talking about the tailoring and different fabrics and fashions etc.

As they talk about that, Rana wanders off to make food for everyone.

Phi goes to help cook.

Diem wanders off with Romy to talk about fabrics and fashion some more (Rana will throw them out the second story window if they do more than that lol).

Rana was half sorting her bag and still has her rocks and stuff spread out on the rug even as she’s making dinner now.

Romy gifts Diem an outfit by the end of their conversation, still so happy this is the first time Rana’s brought anyone home. As she’s got Diem pulled aside though, she asks for more details about everything that happened, worried and just making sure everything’s truly good, and how is Rana really doing?

Diem spins it well about how capable Rana is.

Her mom def agrees and looks worried, but noticeably less so.

While waiting for dinner we all talk more, telling Romy about how we saved Perfection. She does not look ready to come to terms that her daughter is an adventurer now, but accepts it.

Part 16 of Rana rumors according to the other townsfolk who saw us all: “Yeah we knew something like this was gonna happen eventually”

Rana brings up the thunderbird and we talk about that.

Food got delivered, rats were introduced, how Rana and Phi have been training them to spy, rat race story from the Harvest festival gets told as well.

Rana notes that she is actually showing us off to her mom <3

Rana prompts us to talk about ourselves to her mom.

Phi happily tells her whole life story, or at least all the things she’s said to us as a group.

Ixyal’anu talks a little about herself as well.

Diem hangs back and doesn’t say much during this portion as they already talked pretty extensively with Romy already.

Rana: And Ixayl'anu’s on a task for her god but she doesn’t have a fire cat, she has vague dreams.

Romy asks about Ixayl’anu’s deity, pleasant ‘mom questions.’

As things wind down, Diem remembers the find familiar spell and asks if they have a moment, whether it would be alright to summon them while they’re here - noting it would listen to their directions and not make a mess or break anything. They get permission, but never end up doing the spell before bed.

Phi takes her hot tub bath, Diem takes one after.

After Rana gets us settled to bed in the guest room, she goes out and takes a point of exhaustion spending 8 hours to cast enriching the land again since she’s been gone a few years and it only lasts a year, then she goes and sits with the sheep, all of the sheep bed down next to her in a sea of white around her and she leans back against the nearest sheep for a nap/meditation during the spell. They remember her and know she’s the source of the good food.

(Mice vs. Rats: Draconic edition)

During the night, in the wee hours of the morning Ixayl’anu wakes up hearing some very high squeaky voices arguing “This is our territory”

“No, we were invited,” back and forth half awake-half asleep and thinking “what is this? Oh...this is real, this is something that is happening here.”

Very tiny angry voices continue.

Investigation check for more details 15: It’s dark in the room, she can kinda see in the shadows, she doesn’t see anyone. At the foot of Ixayl'anu’s bed is Horatio, four little house mice are around him being territorial against him, and the strange thing is they are all speaking draconic, including Horatio.

Ixayl'anu: What...what?

When Phi wakes up she doesn’t understand her rat any more, but she does hear the rat and mice speaking draconic.

Ixayl’anu: What?

The four mice squeak in a mousy scream

Horatio: Yeah you better run (turns to Ixayl'anu): Thanks!

Ixayl’anu: What? Why? Why are you speaking draconic?

Horatio: Is that what this is? I don’t know I was just suddenly able to and these mice were speaking a weird dialect and I found I could speak back in it as well.

Ixayl’anu: What...okay...and you’re still speaking it, who were they what were you fighting about?

Horatio: They live here and were being territorial and I was telling them I was an invited guest ‘cause I’m with you all.

(I am dead to the world as Phi wakes up)

Phi: Why are you talking to yourself?

Ixayl’anu gestures at the rat

Phi: Have you been teaching my rat that...?

Ixayl’anu: No…. Do you think that’s just something you can teach a rat?

Phi to Horatio: How are you doing that?

Horatio: I don’t know it just happened!

Phi: You’re still doing it…

There is conversation back and forth as its established among the three characters that Horatio still understands Phi, but since he is no longer speaking rat, she can’t understand him, but now Ixayl’anu can both understand and speak with him through draconic.

Ixayl’anu says something I missed.

Phi: what are you saying to my rat?

Ixayl’anu says something else I missed.

Horatio: You all can just decide what language to speak in? That’s weird.

Ixayl’anu: Yeah it is weird

Horatio: It’s a weird dialect and apparently it’s infectious.

Hamlet is mentioned in the back and forth and Phi, recognizing the name, wonders aloud if Hamlet is like this now as well. She tells Horatio he’s changed and she hopes it’s not permanent

Ixayl’anu tries to stop her to ask about that back and forth but Phi slips out of the guest room.

Phi 25 stealths through the house looking for Rana. From a window she sees an odd clump of sheep in the field. She goes out outside and climbs the fence.

Rana is deep in meditation.

Phi: Hamlet, wake up Hamlet…

Rat wakes up and cleans his face but says something back in draconic that she can’t understand.

Phi in common: Oh my god.

Phi uses her stone to let Ixayl'anu know not only this, but what she can see out here around Rana (visible plant growth around her - she’s decided to sleep on her sheep in the field which is weirdly moving and Hamlet’s doing the same thing, Rana’s not moving, I feel like I’m dreaming I don’t know about you…)

In squeakish Phi tells Hamlet that she can’t understand him but she knows he can understand her so “If you want to find out what’s going on you have to talk to Ixayl'anu about it because she’ll understand you. So I’m going to go now.”

Hamlet is irritated and goes back to sleep. All the sheep watch her. One sheep baas at her, then they all start baaing for food, none of them were speaking draconic.

Ixayl’anu to horatio while Phi’s gone: They just walked up to you and started talking to you and that was it?

Horatio: They tried to fight me!

Ixayl’anu: like biting and scratching?

Horatio: Yeah, look at this wet spot! And I’m an invited guest!

Ixayl’anu: That’s rude!

Horatio: That’s very rude, yeah! I’m an invited guest *stamps tiny rat feet*!

Together Ixayl’anu and Horatio determine they probably live in the roof or something, not pets.

Ixayl’anu casts detect magic. She sees the faintest little glow around Horatio. So faint you may think it’s not there and the only reason she sees it is because the lights are off, a wisp of power with the vaguest sense of magic. The source of it is nowhere nearby and the magic itself is so barely there she can’t even see the mice in the walls like she should have if they were properly bespelled in some way. It’s not any specific school for it. Mostly all she really sees is the glow of our various magic items.

At this point Phi returns

(Diem’s perception rolls were 2, 3, and now 0 lol. It is at this point we determine Diem is actually being held in sleep by their patron, catching up, talking about the familiar, and the follower and the spells and just having tea and a lovely bonding time. Probably when they were Tarma out in the desert, they did less communicating)

I missed some back and forth between Ixayl’anu, Phi, and Horatio.

Phi: They were being aggressive and picking on him?

Ixayl’anu to Horatio: Would you be willing to see where these mice have gone?

Horatio: You want me to bring one back to you? Yeah I can do that.

Ixayl’anu: You don’t have to but it’d be nice, I can give you food for it, *looks at her supplies*

Horatio: What kind of treat do I get, what’s in it for me?

Ixayl’anu: Nope no that’s not food I have nope that’s not food. *pauses in her rummaging* Well, what do you want, I suppose we can find something for you?

*thinks on it* A gummy owlbear?

Ixayl’anu: Oh I have some of those. Sure. *finds her little package of them*.

Horatio: Okay! *scurries off and disappears*

About two minutes later she hears furious squeak yelling, Horatio reappears holding a mouse by the scruff of its neck in his mouth “I found one!”

Ixayl’anu: Where’s the cage you keep the rats from? To put the mouse in?

Phi: We sold the cages, the carrier is Horatio’s home...there’s this box?

Ixayl’anu: Yeah that’ll do.

They find a box of rocks to gently empty real quick and put the mouse in it/close the lid (15 animal handling check).

As soon as Horatio had dropped the mouse: “Gummy owlbear please.”

Phi: He knows fetch now!

Ixayl’anu: All that training you’ve been doing with him is paying off! *taps box* Hello?

Phi: Ask if it if it talks like that if it knows it’s doing it or ask if it knows any dragons? I don’t know?

Ixayl’anu: Right?

Mouse is bouncing around in the box trying to get out.

Rana head canoned the rats as 400-550 grams

Horatio is gaming the system a little bit and only found a wine gummy to eat, never officially given one (Phi bought fancy rat treats for him)

(More things I missed and wrote down as “Talking to mouse ah 2”)

The mouse is screaming obscenities at Ixayl’anu.

Horatio is on his back in 7th heaven and suggests she should also give the mouse a gummy owlbear, maybe it’ll talk then.

Ixayl’anu sneaks in a smaller portion and it takes awhile for it to calm down and then it’s quiet for a little bit after until... “This doesn’t make us friends!”

Ixayl’anu: You want more? I’ve got more.

Mouse: I mean...yes

Ixayl’anu: I’m not planning on keeping you here I just want to ask a few questions

Mouse: More first

Ixayl’anu: Okay *puts in other half of gummy*

Mouse is very very quiet

Ixayl’anu taps the box: Hello?

Mouse (slurred): What do you want?

Ixayl’anu: Where’d you learn to talk like that

Mouse: I always talk like this this is how mice talk

Some similar back and forth about this.

Mouse (when asked about dragonborn/people like Ixayl’anu): People like you don’t come around here.

Ixayl’anu: Really? Oh… (to Phi in common now) I don’t this is how they talk, this is weird.

Phi: I think they just don’t know, they don’t know that they’re weird, you know

Ixayl’anu: But horatio thinks it’s a weird dialect

Phi: Did you ask if it if they saw any dragonborn? Or dragons?

Ixayl’anu: Well they haven’t seen anything like me (then to the mouse in draconic) Have you seen anything big with wings?

Mouse: Yeah outside but I live in this house I don’t have to worry about that

Ixayl’anu: Are there any mice that you can’t talk to?

Mouse: Everybody kinda talks like this around here

Ixayl’anu: Kind of or they do?

Mouse: They do?

Ixayl’anu: They all speak this...they all...speak this...I’m really confused.

They decide to try and wake Diem up for a third opinion, and it takes awhile before Diem’s patron allows it, letting Diem know that their friends need them for a moment, so they will have to continue catching up later.

Ixayl’anu as Diem finally starts waking up out of sorts: Weird things are happening

Diem continues to be out of it enough for a bit until eventually Phi catches them up - including the detail about Rana meditating in a cloud of sheep.

Phi (to Diem about the mouse in the box: It’s drunk

Diem: Are you guys sure you’re not drunk?

Phi: I’m not sure we’re not dreaming

Ixayl’anu: This isn’t dreaming not even close.

(I didn’t tag these two responses so the first might be Ixayl’anu and the 2nd Phi)

Too tired to bother with ritual magic, Diem uses a slot to cast comprehend languages.

Mouse asks if we’ve got more of those treats, which Horatio hears and says “Yeah! I’ll eat another!” *perks up*

Diem translates for phi who turns sharply to Horatio to talk about how many he’s already eaten and how he got one in the first place to ask Ixayl’anu for another, etc.

Horatio looks sheepish: Weeeellll sometimes you don’t secure your bag very good and I was hungry and they smelled good.

Phi smirks and retrieves Ixayl’anu’s package of owl gummies, then gives half to Horatio, and half to the mouse.

Horatio: YES! (helping her), I want this one I want the bigger section ‘cause I’m bigger and I get the big one (little grabby rat hands)

Diem does a history check on any stories they might have heard about talking animals like this (21). There are plenty of fairy tales with talking animals, sometimes it’s afey kind of thing - playing a prank on people. They’ve heard of similar events happening before, pretty disparate not tied to one physical location. Sometimes they’ve heard stories of animals in an area like within a mile circle will be able to speak draconic or sometimes other languages, not really a pattern to it. Sometimes it’s little towns, other times it’s connected to a whole city. Might be a natural phenomena. Specifically tiny beasts/birds/lizards are usually the type able to speak.

They also know various fae and wish spells can make this happen, but still they’re just random.

Diem shares this with Phi and Ixayl’anu.

(Insert missed conversation here)

Horatio or the mouse (not sure which): Yeah sure sometimes you say words that are funny and I don’t really understand what they are and they kinda sound like that and I don’t know what they are.

?: All the fangs or one specific thing? (I have no idea who said this or where fangs come into play)

We discover the mouse once met a gopher, stuck his nose in its burrow and it yelled at him back in draconic.

Diem to Ixayl’anu: Ask the mouse if it knows any fae in the area

Mouse makes an intelligence check when she asks, but does not know what she is talking about.

We confirm the mouse has always spoken draconic

Diem tells a quick rendition of cinderella as an example of fae meddling with small creatures where dress making is also involved (theorizing that perhaps Rana’s mother gets help from the mice as well)

We’re fairly certain it’s a normal mouse though and it’s now snoring softly so we’re not getting any more info.

Horatio by now is sprawled out on the bed, Phi cuddled around him while Diem gives him scritches. At a loss, we all go back to sleep for now, planning to ask Rana more in the morning.

(Good Morning!)

In the morning Phi will figure out the coffee situation and make some for everyone.

Romy (waking up to this): This is such a nice change of pace, somebody making the coffee for a change, and friends Rana brings in not destroying the house by the time I get up.

Phi: It’s no problem, I was just watching Rana from the window and figured she’d really like some, she’s gonna be tired so I can make sure coffee is waiting for her. We do have quite a story to tell her though.

Romy shows Phi where the biscotti is and such.

Rana is just now getting up and plucks Hamlet up.

Elk: something happened something happened something happened

Rana is feeding the sheep and clearly thinks the elk just wants some too

Elk: Oh is it breakfast? I’d like breakfast too!

Diem, after sleeping on it, performs a new arcana check on what sort of spells and effects cause draconic-speaking critters (21 again). They know now it can be caused by fae, wish spells, high level wizarding things will happen, and that similar strange effects happen around ancient dragon lairs (a little nugget buried in all their Miova dragon research they’d forgotten about), and that sometimes it’s just random without no discernible cause.

Rana comes in covered in sheep wool, hay, butt and legs wet, but she’s happy. Everything outside is noticeably green and lush.

Phi: We made coffee

Rana is super grateful and makes a beeline to grab a cup.

Rana: I took care of the plants and the animals

Ixayl’anu comes down around this time with the mouse in the box.

Romy: Your friend made coffee and something happened last night they were just about to tell me about.

Rana statues over her mother’s words with an ‘oh no what kind of things?’ sort of reaction.

Phi we’ll explain: Where’s Hamlet? Is he in your bag? Wait I’ll go get Horatio (who is snuggling Diem upstairs still)

Rana scritches Hamlet who asks “Oh is it breakfast time?” (in draconic) She’s tired enough she just hands it the biscotti without thinking.

When Phi returns she gets down on her knees in front of hamlet with horatio

Phi: What about today? What are you speaking today?

Speaking to her around his mouth of biscotti “I dunno what am I speaking today?”

This pings for Rana like hey…

Diem comes down as Ixayl'anu is talking about what happened.

Rana healing words the mouse. 7 pts healing. He immediately wakes up and feels great.

Mouse while cleaning his face: I feel really great?!

Ixayl'anu: You want some biscotti?

Mouse (very distrusting): Yes...

She sets the biscotti down. After awhile she’s half grinning and looking at her mom now.

Rana to the group: They just do that around here, always have.

Romy: That’s why the rumor mill here is so lively.

Diem: Why draconic?

(missed conversation)

Rana: Most people understand at least a few words.

Diem: What’s the local lore on it all? I mean...there’s gotta be stories involved?

Romy: The local lore - I did ask around since I’m not from here, it was very strange at the beginning but the townspeople didn’t seem to be bothered, the general consensus is that it’s a blessing of Vkandis.

Diem gets us all talking about maybe the silver scale dragon living nearby as they also share what they remembered about such events after they woke up.

Rana insists she would’ve seen it

Romy thinks you would know though, Diem mentions that they slept with one and didn’t know until the next day though so...

Romy: Rana you did see those kites though (a local cryptid)…?

Rana: That was definitely not a dragon.

Ixayl’anu: Birds? What?

Rana: They almost look like a roc but they’re definitely not rocs (some people write them off as rocs or pterodactyls but the markings are different they are an air cryptid - Ropen from New Guinea).

We get enough from context to realize this is an unusual sighting, but we are not outright told it’s a local cryptid, like spotting bigfoot.

We are told to watch what we say because the bakers bribe the birds and the whole town will end up knowing.

Rana: That thing is def not a dragon though.

Romy admits she’s never even seen a dragon before.

Rana: Diem rode it

Diem (laughing): In more ways than one

Phi laughs too

Rana still insists she would know if one of the townspeople were a dragon though while Diem insists you really couldn’t know that for sure, what if they just enjoyed a simple life and to avoid discovery they just chose a form that aged with the town, no one the wiser. Rana still insists it’s not possible.

Diem: So sure you’d know? We’ve traveled a month together on the road practically living together. How do you actually know I’m not a dragon?

Rana: I don’t.

Prepared for a similar pushback, this admission clearly surprises Diem. “And yet you’re this sure about people you haven’t spent every waking moment with?”

Rana says she thinks if you are not living time people need to know they need to know they will find out what you are doing.

Ixayl'anu: It could just be sleeping somewhere.

Rana: Either way this is just a normal thing

Ixayl’anu: Sure not really but sure.

Diem: Could be the innkeeper and has always been an innkeeper because they enjoy it. Everybody needs a hobby.

Ixayl'anu wants to know if V’kandis has anything to do with dragons.

(It is at this point we are informed that we’ve seen Romy has a shrine to V’kandis in the house as we’ve ignored this fact in favor of being like oh no, it’s not ‘cause a god blessed your town, it’s because of a secret dragon!).

Ixayl'anu scoots the mouse on his way and turns the topic of discussion toward our reasons for being in Longview and Anesh: So we’re looking for this dwarf?

Rana: No we’re looking for my brother

Ixayl’anu: Does he know where he is?

Rana: Maybe.

Phi: How old is he?

Rana: Older than I am

Phi: Oh, so definitely should’ve had more kids by now

Diem: Wait, Phi how many kids do you have then?

Phi (mishearing): Ooooh lemme get back to you on that...between 80 and 50.

Diem: You have at least 50 kids?

Phi: Oh no I have 0 kids, I don’t have that kind of life.

Rana herds us out the door, she leaves most of her heavier stuff at home.

(To Stellan’s house we go)

For some reason we established Diem definitely gets changed under an illusion of Ixayl'anu ever since using her image as a changing screen back in Budelia. Ixayl’anu has no problem with that, but they’ve all probably seen flashes of Diem’s side and leg tattoos anyway over the month we’ve been together.

Before we leave the house Diem casts comprehend languages as ritual. The birds quiet as we approach, but then the chattering starts up and we catch names and normal gossip presumably about people around town.

Ixayl’anu and Diem have a bit of a side chat about this in the RP text snippets section.

We have an uneventful walk over.

We walk in without knocking - Stell is clearly working on a sword or piece of armor.

Amira (the little girl def notices our presence, specifically Rana’s)

Rana quietly holds out her arms for a hug and Amira runs over squealing with excitement.

Diem: That is so adorable.

Rana scoops her up and has her on her hip now.

Amira looks at us and her eyes get really big - like who are you all? With continued excitement.

Stellan takes notice, surprised Rana brought friends, but still busy hammering out the sword.

Rana: Did you get your pigeons?

Stellan (withering look at his sister): I got THREE pigeons, yes.

Rana grins even bigger at his tone and expression.

Stellan is still working on whatever he’s hammering into during this exchange.

Rana: I was worried they wouldn’t get through so I had to send 3 of them.

Stellan: Well they all got here - first one was very surprising, after 3 though...

Phi: What was the message again Rana?

Rana: Oh, I sent him pigeons telling him about the meteorites and that we knew they were going to hit Anesh but we didn’t know where.

Stellan lets us know the meteors have been diverted and are scheduled to hit somewhere in the desert where there are no people.

Rana nods

Diem: Did they use magic to divert them?

Stell: You’re not from around here are you? Must suck to be from a place without a god that cares what happens to you.

He is a BIG guy. He stops hammering to shake our hands

Phi shakes with both hands to see how much she can get them around one of his (she can’t, there’s a gap between her fingertips).

He is very amused to have Phi forcibly shaking his hand with both of hers.

Meanwhile, Hamlet pokes out and gets on Rana’s shoulder to investigate the new passenger on Rana’s hip.

Amira: You have a new pet?

Rana: Yes, but this one is coming with me - you can still play with him for a bit.

Hamlet: What?

Amira in draconic: Wanna be my friend and play?

Hamlet: Okay!

Diem said some things during the exchange I forgot to note (probably a few cool stories about auntie Rana idk, asking about her speaking draconic?) that resulted in Amira excitedly adopting them for a tour of the house/playing with Hamlet. They follow Amira’s excited lead to do just that, but not before stopping near the next doorway for introductions to Adri, her mother.

Diem to Adri: She’s very adorable

Amira (talking about Aunt Rana): Look! She has a pet rat can we have a pet rat too?

Rana: I could probably get them a pet rat?

Adri: I could probably also get them one, if they’re responsible enough and can prove they’re ready to take care of it.

Some possible missed conversation before Adri, Amira, Diem, and Hamlet head deeper into the house while Rana continues talking to her brother.

Rana asks about the dwarf and shows him both the letter and silver scale, which he looks at while listening to the story about the wizard in the shadowoods

Stell: Are you sure it was Haldric that they wanted?

Rana: Yes (she double checks letter)

Stell: I know a Haldric Ironband but he’s a master blacksmith, but I...he...he’s never mentioned anything about wizards or honestly going anywhere so far away?

Rana: To be fair the wizard seemed to know who I was so maybe Haldric never met him either.

Stell: I don’t know this sounds like destiny hero bullshit

Phi is internally happy screaming about oh my god this actually works (it’s just as well that I never noted what actually works since the rest of us might only notice Phi’s happy scream state, rather than mind-reading the reason for it)!

Everyone but Diem learns this shorthand info I can’t entirely follow after the fact. My shorthand is awful and I’ve discovered I am unlikely to remember how to coherently type it later: Bhuxodihr for some reason you do want to mention t by the proper name he’s mostly retired, teaches to a select few, not stellan’s master. Haldric was stellan’s master’s master

Rana holds up the silver scale (again? I guess? lol) “You know what this would signify?” she hands it over to him. “Retin said we could use this, that it would give us legitimacy”

Stellan tests the hardness of it, getting higher and higher and Rana lets him and still nothing happens “Uh…(hands it back) I’m pretty sure this is the real thing.”

Rana: Real dragon scale?

Stellan: Mhm

Rana: Well that’s interesting

Stellan: Who did you say gave this to you again?

Rana: Retin, a wizard who lives in the Rethwellian Shadowoods

Stellan: I think Haldric knew someone down there but they weren’t genasi

Phi and Ixayl’anu tell him that we had a whole argument about it and deduced that Retin takes on the form of whatever will make you feel connected/more at home.

Phi or Ixayl’anu bring up how weird it is that all the animals here speak draconic.

Stellan, however, has hit his limit for weird shit, though not animals speaking draconic - that is a thing that’s completely normal.

Phi awkwardly: You should come visit us some time too, was great meeting you...or...yeah.

Ixayl’anu: Where would he meet us?

Phi: I have a home

Ixayl’anu: But you’re not really there

Phi: Well we can arrange it ahead of time.

Rana: She does have connections in Miova if you every go out that way.

Stellan says some things to Phi about all this, but as he’s talking he looks at her and she sees the moment when he notices her daggers and stops.

Stellan: Where did you get those?

Phi: They’re family heirlooms

Stellan: Nooo….where did you really get those? You can’t take those into stone roost or even bouldergap, not displayed on your hips like that.

Phi: Interesting you say that I was already thinking I should hide them because we found them on the skeleton of a dwarf in a cave in the woods

Ixayl'anu: No it was a corpse

Rana statues a little bit (which Stellan would notice)

Phi: There was a dwarf corpse, yes…

Stellan holds his hands up like ‘I don’t want to hear it’ and points at Phi: You cannot wear those, they’re only given to an elite group of dwarves and they do NOT give them to gnomes, you have to keep them hidden.

A few questions are asked about that. As far as Stellan knows, they’re assassins of some kind.

Phi: So do they have other weapons with the same characteristics?

Stellan: Sometimes they have short swords but not any arrows or large blades - just the small bladed weapons and it was a thing he wasn’t allowed to learn because he’s not a dwarf.

Phi: Do you know anybody who was in this group?

Stellan: No mostly these guys are like--

Rana (talking over him): I don’t think my brother knows any dwarvish assassins

Phi: If I were to return them to the right people, who would I talk to?

Stellan just looks at her for a few seconds: I don’t know if you just heard me but these guys don’t really advertised themselves

Ixayl’anu: Is this a group we wanna have anything to do with or just avoid them?

Stellan: If you’re really determined to get them back to someone, you might try Haldric, but I wouldn’t lead with that.

Ixayl’anu: Are they better to just be avoided?

Stellan: I wouldn’t wanna mess with them but you’re all out there dealing with meteors and who knows what else so maybe that’s what you do now, I don’t know.

Rana: This dwarf found the meteor too and turned into a mushroom

Stellan takes a deep breath.

Rana is enjoying making him uncomfortable now

They all talk about our bag of holding and hiding the weapons, Phi stashes them and pulls out her ordinary daggers to secure in their place.

Rana as they talk about possibly disguising Phi’s daggers: Oh mom has some camels now if you need one, there’re 3

Stellan: Okay I’ll take care of them for you

Rana: Do you want them to talk? I can make them talk.

Stellan (not amused): No, the pigeons are enough.

Phi: Thank you for the information

Rana: Yeah, I would like to not get killed by the people we were looking for

Phi: Yeah that would not be good

Rana: I’m gonna go corrupt tanny for a bit

Stellan: Yeah i’m gonna go back over here and...think about things

Rana: I let mom know everything so you can talk to her later.

At some point before they finish talking to Stellan, Ixayl'anu was looking for signs of jewelry in Stellan’s forge. She saw some platinum but didn’t really see any jewelry (because she needs a platinum ring). She asks him about it anyway while we’re there and it’s simple enough he melts down two platinum coins to make a simple ring for her out of it. He doesn’t even charge her for them since he already has the forge fired up.

He does have Amira help him since he rarely works with platinum and it makes a good teachable moment that takes about 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, Adri has been following Amira and Diem around, Diem gets introduced to Taniel, 10, who probably is working on magic homework, they got really into potion making because they fan Rana and Rana brings herbs back - real into that right now.

Taniel gets up to see Aunt Rana, but Adri warns her to wait a bit they’re talking about tense things right now.

Through conversation along the tour Diem gets that Adri speaks draconic and has been teaching her kids.

Diem makes casual conversation that includes whether or not Adri grew up here and when/why she learned draconic.

About that time Rana walks in and Taniel gives her a big hug and tells her about her new obsession

Adri answers Diem that it makes sense from a guard’s stand point so she learned it, birds are awfully helpful

Diem: Oh yeah that makes sense

Rana: Yeah, Adri is very good at her job

Diem: You look it, you are killing it in that outfit (she is amused), I’m...yeah, not surprising I wouldn’t make a good guard, I even need help when we take watches (said in good humor)

Ixayl'anu stands awkwardly in the door until Adri invites her in properly (because she’s secretly a vampire! shhh)

Rana: We’re not gonna be in town for terribly long, I was just hoping Stellan had some of the info I needed and he did.

Adri: What info?

Rana: Oh I was sent by a wizard to find someone named Haldric who might be in stone roost and I thought Stellan might know him.

Adri takes it in stride “Well, be safe.”

Rana drops in that it has to do with the meteor.

Nearing the end of the conversation and visit, Phi asks if we can run by a general store to get medical kit supplies to complete her partial kit.

When we have to leave Amira is sad about the rat having to go and starts asking for a rat again in super sad puppy fashion.

Adri tells her they’ll still have to see and Diem distracts both children by pulling out the self-animating putty to give them as a gift, telling them how they can shape their own rat or whatever they like and it moves (makes a little rat and sets it down to walk around on the table and lick a paw clean) see?

Their imaginations take off with excited chatter about making tiny dragons and more, once again happy.

(A trip to the general store)

Rana takes us to Bafor’s general store (Bafor is a dragonborn).

Phi tells us that we would have noticed how Phi progressively jumped on this field medic train and as things have gotten dangerous and sketchy. Phi realized it would be handy to have some skills in healing just in case - more so ever since Phi found the medical supplies in Budelia and ever since Averni she’s been doing a little research here and there, including medical knowledge heading out into the new terrain of Anesh, like what to do for heatstroke and working on more survival skills. Over the journey she’s brought it up a few times to Rana and Edea, and Rana readily taught her some of her new feat requirements from her similar healer feat. Phi wants to eventually learn to make her own poisons too for maybe a damage over time, but also poison check and knowing what to do about poisons in order to help heal them.

Phi’s medicine check will also apply to her background skills, diagnosing a wound, how they died (starving, madness, dehydration, container recently held poison, blood spatter analysis, forensic stuff is part of her past).

Combat triage is cool and useful.

Ruled that with her medical proficiency feat she can diagnose poisons and such, but she would have to take a separate feat to make a poison and do dmg over time.

Phi walks into the store and admits she’s filling out the healer’s kit.

Rana says she has those items already and they have this conversation in the store. All along though she and Rana have talked about this over the month we’ve known each other.

Bafor: Yeah I have the little items, but you could also just buy a new healer’s kit already filled.

Phi: Yeah why don’t I just do that.

Bafor: Tell you what, you buy a whole healer’s kit and I will fill out your other one for free.

I think we hit a fruit stand or a different store where the vendor is gruff but warms up as we spend money (because that was a note for the vendor attached to all these dried fruits, but Bafor seemed pretty amenable from the start).

Phi and Diem also buy a big bag of granola for a silver each, and some dried fruits (Anesh grows pomegranate, apricots, olives)

Diem also buys a bag of mixed dried fruit, dried apricots, and a pomegranate (for a silver each)

#Longview #Anesh #Romy #A talk with Rana's mom #Stellan #A talk with Rana's brother #critter mysteries the draconic edition #Adri #Amira #Bafor #Taniel #Haldric mention #Retin mention

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kawaiikatanabushi · 5 years

Text

Hakuouki Roadtrip Headcanons

Kondou Isami

-He is definitely primary driver if on the road with the group.

-His boundless patience not only makes him a levelheaded driver, but also ensures no one is getting fussed at for their antics.

-Asks frequently if everyone needs a potty break. Is gently reminded they are adults and the term "potty break" is for children.

-Leaves the snack stocking, fast food order gathering and navigating to Toshi.

-Many recollections and anecdotes accompany his driving. Loves to point out landmarks and beautiful scenery.

Hijikata Toshizo

-As a man who appreciates the solitude and quiet for accomplishing work... stuffing him in a car with the group is emotionally grating and his irritation threshold is low. Snappish in the car. (Repeats that it has nothing to do with motion sickness.)

-Riding shotgun helps him retain his sanity and navigating is a much needed distraction. (And, has nothing to do with motion sickness.)

-When it is his turn to take the wheel, he strives to make as little stops as possible. His overall goal is to retain their minimal funds and make their destination without an extra night's stay.

-Will yell that they just made a stop an hour ago and you should have peed then!

-Every stop requires him getting a coffee. Man hardly eats when on the road. His destination is his focus. He runs on caffeine. (And aspirin.)

Todou Heisuke

-He knows so many car games. Looked up car games just for this trip. Just as his energy makes him the Master Host at parties, he is the Master Entertainer in the car. It's an opportunity to bond with his friends and he is so stoaked for it.

-Only person who doesn't need a power nap. When surrounded by snoozing bodies, he uses the time to talk to Kondou-san and Hijikata-san for some catching up and life advice. Looks forward to this moment just as much as the rest of the trip.

-If no one is interested in a round of Twenty Questions or what have you, he will pull out his Switch. Willing to play alone, but he'd much prefer to Smash with his buddies. Brought extra Joycons. He's also willing to lend it to anyone bored.

-His optimism is never dowsed by any circumstances that arise. If there is a flat, he's willing to get help, call for assistance, or grab a jack. If there is traffic, has ways of entertaining everyone. Willing to dart into a gas station and get snacks. Happy to share fun, food or drink.

-He is also the master of music. Whether it is changing radio stations to playing his spotify playlists for the whole car, he picks the best tunes. He has a roadtrip playlist just for the journey. He collaborated with everyone, just to make sure that no one is left out. Unfortunately, this also exposes him to be griped at after so many songs grind Hijikata-san's nerves. How was he supposed to know there was a limit to Baby Metal songs? Wonders why Souji asked for so many... or, was it the fact that everyone was singing powerballads at the top of their lungs?

Okita Souji

-Speaking of Souji, please entertain this one in the car. He may not have bubbly enthusiastic energy like Heisuke, but this one has a capacity to make serious trouble when cramped into a car and bored. Chaos energy should never be contained without distractions. Everyone knows how unfunny it is to be stuck in a car with a cranky Souji. In order to avoid hair pulling, blame games and relentless button pushing, everyone does their best to keep him conversational if nothing else can be done. Gumny worms are a last resort.

-Thankfully, Souji also has the capability to take three power naps in the car and still arrive at the destination tired. However, no lap or shoulder is safe. Someone will be used as a pillow. If he has opportunity to rest on Chizuru's lap specifically, he will do so. Without permission. Declares it is because she doesn't stink like a man and women are just softer. Grins smugly to himself for the longest while as the car goes silent.

-He will ask "are we there yet?" Several times. He can see it clearly marked on the GPS how many miles they have left. That doesn't matter to him. If he and Heisuke start singing "are we there yet?" it guarantees Hijikata-san will snap and offer him a chance to drive. It's an absolute ploy to snag some Kondou-san time. Plus, it means the Oni can take a power nap. Not that Souji would set that up because he cares or anything. Don't get the wrong idea.

-Some moments he prefers to play games on his phone or take photos of the scenery rushing by. Souji doesn't mind staring out the window and thinking. He can wall himself off for introvert time, even shoved into a car. Headphones in, people out. Neko Atsume ensures no one will ask him questions or request he share the gummy worms. Those are his gummies. Kondou-san bought them.

-Asks for a milkshake at fast food stops. Sees how far he can go until Hijikata-san caves. "I don't want food. I just want a milkshake." (Only shares with Chizuru.)

-He likes to point out funny road signs and city names. So, so many puns with the Baka Trio.

-Souji is secretly a whole lot more excited to travel than he let's on. Plus, this group is his family. He can do a little better than tolerating everyone. He has a captive audience and is content to ride as long as he is included. Given the infectious level of cheer with the Baka Trio in the car, he might even sing along with them or goof off more than usual. He might even find it in himself to be helpful with getting snacks and drinks along the way.

Saito Hajime

-This man was prepared, packed and ready to go before anyone else. He made a checklist of everything he could need and anything that could be overlooked, checked it over three times and helped to pack the car and ensure what would be needed was accessible.

-He rose early to prepare himself and help others be prepared. He helped Souji and Heisuke pack. He took his motion sickness pill and has a large thermos filled with piping hot green tea. He also made a thermos with coffee for Hijikata-san (sugary, but black.)

-Saito has his headphones in often, but the volume low in case he is addressed. He may listen to soothing music and read a book on the history of katana. Reading in the car cuts the anxiety of being stuffed in a tin can at high speed with little wiggle room. He is grateful for the moments Souji steps in to block the extroversion chaffing his introvert soul.

-He brought a neck pillow to rest, but if he naps on anyone's shoulder he will apologize profusely. There are less tasks to focus on while riding and because this man works so hard without quite enough sleep, he will doze off. Thankfully, Souji has a pretty cozy shoulder.

-He is glad to step out and stretch his legs during a pit stop. Gases up the car without being asked. He will also wash the windows and Hijikata-san has to gently stop him from washing the entire car. Requests to drive through a car wash at the earliest convenience. Cuts a glare at Souji when he says he likes the mud. If Chizuru goes in to use the restroom, he will escort her. She needs protecc.

-Happiest when there is a beautiful rainbow or a lovely sunset on the horizon to admire.

Nagakura Shinpachi

-"Hey, do we have any snacks?" The main reason they have snacks is to keep him fed.

-This is the guy who sees the museum billboards or natural formations and requests they stop and take a look. Grumbles when the Vice Commander reminds him their budget is already tight, or they would have flown. They reach a middle ground once Hijikata-san promises they can see a museum once they get there.

-Will jokingly bemoan that they can't just drink in the car. Sano will give him a light scoff.

-Definitely will play on the Switch. Loves defeating Heisuke just to aggravate him and ask him if he needs a break from his overpowering gaming skills. This only makes Heisuke all the more pumped to win.

-"Hey, do you guys remember that time when..." What better way to pass the time than to rehash the good times? Has a funny story about practically everyone. Souji and Hijikata-san both threaten him should he begin to tell the stories they expect him to. He quiets down for a bit, only to begin a political discussion. Doesn't notice when Saito and Souji put in their headphones.

-The most vocal about restaurant requests. Would rather have a hearty meal than fast food, but orders two meals if that is their only option.

-You know what is really fun? Singing AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS! Encourages Chizuru to join in. Makes a puppy face until she relents.

Harada Sanosuke

-This man is an adult. Astute. Considerate. Well-mannered. Stuff him in a car with Heisuke and Shinpachi? That erodes into fun, goofing off time. Dance in the car? Sure! Bad singing contest? Oh, yeah!

-Still, he offers a hand to Chizuru to lead her out of the car on pit stops. Makes sure she is comfortable in the car.

-He did bring headphones for a moment's peace. Politely asks Saito to borrow his neck pillow for a nap. "Shinpachi, Heisuke. I'm going to sleep now. I'm tired. I don't want to play, I want to rest. I'm warning you both, if you touch me, I won't hold back. I'll knock your head off. Souji, that includes you, too."

-If all the chaos energy becomes just a tad too much to bear, he will lean towards the front and ask for a driving shift.

-On the whole, he is present to chat, help when asked and always aware of Chizuru needing just a little more tenderness than their pack of wild wolves.

-He might also text pictures to Shiranui of city names or cool sights. Smirks a little at the replies. When Shinpachi asks who he's texting, he doesn't give specifics. "A friend."

-He tries to avoid the role of peacemaker in the car, expecting everyone to behave. However, if necessary, he will wip out that big brother attitude and quell the situation. He isn't afraid to remind any of them how they are behaving in front of Chizuru. Is it a dirty move? Maybe. Does he care? Not really.

Yukimura Chizuru

-She's in a car with seven men. She did have nerves before entering, but mainly about how she would fit in with such a tight knit group.

-Her helpful attitude is appreciated by all. She finds herself being handed candies, given a pat on the back or a thank you to her face. She blushes happily about it all.

-She helped arrange luggage so they had optimal room. She appreciated all the strong men who were willing to help pack. It gave her great encouragement when they asked her give them insight.

-She has the tiniest of all the bladders. She is going to make all the pit stops she can. She does marvel at how well they all work together, despite being such different people.

-She gets dragged into so much silliness. She tries her hand at playing some video games with Heisuke, singing along to songs, any of the car games played and laughs at a lot of the antics in the car.

-Like Saito, she will help without requested. She sometimes gets snack or food orders from everyone to make the information short and accessible to Hijikata-san.

-She did bring some headphones, a book and the notes of thoughts on her phone to entertain herself. She doesn't need it so much as she expected. She loves to window gaze, take in the sights and spend time with them all. Road trips just feel like family to her.

#hakuouki #hakuoki #hakuouki headcanons #road trip #sorry for the absence #hope you enjoy

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xxisxxisxxis · 5 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Twenty-Five

Table of Content or Part Twenty-Four

Pairing: Douglas Booth!Nikki Sixx x OC

Word Count: 2.7k

Warning(s): Language, Violence, Mentions of drug abuse

Tag List: @unknownoblivion @sinningsixx @edwardtriggerhandzz @lemmyjelly @haileynicoleseavey17 @cierrasixx19 @oskea93 @mgkobsessed @vamprlestat @sharon6713 @itsametaphorbriansblog @miriampraez @allie-mcginn @rebeccaphillips14 @nicholeh7 @fandomshit6000 @lilmou5ie @tamedhearts @divaanya @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx @ratedrkohardychick91 @floregrohlssard @oldschoolimagineblog @thanks2pete @abaldboi @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium @caos18blog @ytwahsog @shamlessobsessions @scarecrowmax @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471 @solohqrry @loveofmyloif

***Let me know if you want to be tagged***

———————————————————————

1981

Humming of the air conditioner, middle of night traffic passing by outside, and utter quietness of the apartment settles around us, Nikki's fingers massaging at my scalp, my unruly hair splayed out across his one pillow we're sharing.

He's looking up at the ceiling with his eyes closed while I just look around the room for a few minutes, deciding whether or not I want to say what I'm thinking of saying.

"What are we doing?" I ask, turning my head a little to look at him.

He licks his lips and matches my gaze, smirking.

"Getting ready for round three." He replies in a low tone.

"No, I mean..." I can't help but smile before turning over on my stomach, my chest against his, our faces inches apart. "...this. Us. What are we doing?"

"I'm having fun." He tells me. "You're not having fun?"

"I am, I guess I just got a little confused about it is all." I shrug. "I mean, we don't really act like we like each other aside from taking our clothes off."

"I like you." He says almost defensively.

"You like me when I'm on top of you, or bent over a sink, or on my knees—"

"No, Viv, I dig you." He tells me with lack of humor. "Not just when we're foolin' around."

"Really?"

"Yeah. What, you don't like me?"

"I do." I admit, smiling a little. "Yeah, I do."

There's a pause between us and he takes advantage of it.

"Saint Vivian." He says snarkily and I don't miss a beat.

"Devil-Spawn."

After a couple more moments, he's sighing out.

"So, like, do you not mess around with other dudes?" He asks me curiously and I shake my head.

"I've never messed around with a guy before. I haven't even had a crush before."

"Bullshit."

"I'm serious."

"Oh, well, no pressure or anything on me." He scoffs.

"No, there's not because I have nothing to compare you to." I chuckle, licking my lips.

"Well," he moves his hand from my hair to rub up and down my bare back as my fingers draw little designs on his chest. "I have plenty to compare you to."

"And?"

"It's..." he thinks a moment, choosing his words carefully. "...different."

"Good different or bad?"

"If it were bad I wouldn't let you hang around." He explains and I roll my eyes and hit his chest lightly with my hand, making him laugh a little. "No, it's perfect." He tells me, smiling arrogantly. "You're perfect."

I know he's full of it, probably saying that to every other girl he's had in his bed, but I don't want to think about it.

He's saying it to me, now, and whoever those girls are, are completely irrelevant.

I lean forward and press my lips to his hungrily.

That was kinda the turning point in our "enemies with benefits" relationship because after that small conversation, he slowly stopped sleeping with other girls, showing up to crawl into my bedroom window in the middle of the night anytime he wanted sex, and eventually just to talk.

The difference between 1981 and 1987 was the loss of his voice over the years.

He stopped talking to me as much somewhere in between about his goals, dreams, music, future...I guess you quit talking about that stuff when you can't even put the pipe, needle, or bottle down long enough to remember who you are.

So, he'd save whatever he could muster up in terms of deep, emotional conversations for Fred Saunders, and I'd save mine for Duff, even before he and the band went on tour with Mötley Crüe.

My cut up, bloodied knuckles conduct my fingers to twirl the plastic syringe with the cap secured tightly on to it to keep from sticking myself.

The entire box of the other used syringes are at my feet.

My running, black mascara is now dried to my face and my lipstick is smeared across my cheek from when I wiped the snot from my nose and caught my lips on my palm.

"It's not like I'm injecting the shit, Vivian. Go read your Bible or pray or something...anything."

His words from a year ago embed themselves in to my mind.

I tried, but ever since finding his stash this morning, no amount of scripture or talking to God kept me from having a minor breakdown

I should've known then that the smoking would turn in to shooting.

The clock reads 7:00pm, and Nikki said he'd be here by now from the studio.

Continuing to wait patiently, sitting on the living room floor, I keep my swollen eyes locked on the door and eventually hear the key twist in it, opening to reveal Nikki.

He sits his bass on the floor and doesn't even look at me, shutting the door and heading to the bathroom.

"Hey, babe, I gotta piss." He tells me in a neutral tone, not even giving me a glance.

He goes to the bathroom, but only stays in there for a few seconds before I hear his footsteps cautiously coming back.

"Vivian, What the fuck happened to our bathroom?" He asks me before his eyes catch on the box of needles, the one in my sliced up hand, and my face that has an obvious map of my reaction to all of it. "Where'd you find those?"

"Where you left them." I reply hoarsely, rolling my jaw. "It's not like you're injecting it, right?" I mock what he said to me a year ago and he clenches his fist.

"You put the lid back on that, and put it back where you found it." He tells me calmly, taking a step closer.

"When did you start doing this shit, Nikki?" I ignore his order.

"I said, 'put it back', Viv."

"When did you start doing this?"

"Put. It. Back."

I throw the syringe at him, screaming out, "when did you start doing this?!" as tears reappear in my eyes.

I expect him to come fight me, he instead ignores my outburst and leans down to grab the box of needles.

I get up and follow after him, my hands shoving at his back, nearly causing him to trip over himself.

"Answer my fucking question!" I demand him, my voice shaking.

I get the reaction I want, the plastic of syringes and metal of needles colliding loudly with the wall when he throws the box of them angrily and spins around.

"Are you back off your meds?" He asks me, twisting his face, and I take it that he's mocking my tantrum. "You're being fucking neurotic."

"All I want is for you to be honest with me, Nikki." I plead, crying.

He doesn't say a word, silence overwhelming the apartment as I wait for him to say something, anything.

After a couple of minutes, he gives up, knowing he's fucked up this time and can't charm his way out of it.

"About eight months, Viv."

"Eight months?" My heart sinks to my stomach, my mouth drying as a lump settles in my throat.

"I guess...I think." He exhales, rubbing his face.

"You guess? You think?"

"Give or take."

"Why the hell haven't you told me?" I ask, crossing my arms and he raises his brows and motions to our bathroom.

I don't even want to know the damage I've caused to it.

All I remember is punching the mirror.

"I can't tell you shit that I do when you react like this." He adds.

"How else am I suppose to act when you do things, you promise you won't do, and then hide it from me?" I ask, wiping my eyes. "I don't like this, Nikki. I don't like the coke, or the pills, the LSD, and the constant Jack, but I tolerate it because I want to be with you but this..." I shake my head, sitting on the bed and closing my eyes. "...this just makes me sick and I don't like it. I don't want you doing it."

"Vivian, it's just recreational. It's not serious. I got it under control." He tries to defend himself and I close my eyes, realizing I'll never win.

"Pot is recreational. Coke is borderline recreational. Heroin is not recreational, Nikki." I argue. "You said you were only smoking it for your shoulder and that's all you'd do. Smoke it. But now we have a problem, don't we, because you're shooting it up enough to have an entire collection of used needles." I motion to the scattered syringes thrown about from the box he threw.

"I'm not that bad off with it, alright? Those aren't all mine, anyway." He explains and I furrow my brows.

"Well, they're certainly not mine." I snap and he sighs out.

"Me and Robbin—"

"Robbin?" I interrupt him, cutting my eyes.

I'm considering skipping over what exactly happened the rest of the night, it doesn't paint me in the best light, however...it was pretty well deserved.

I “calmed down” long enough for Nikki to go take a power nap before I slipped out the apartment and raised hell in one of the most tasteless and trashy ways possible.

I slam the door of my car, on a mission with one goal in mind.

When I get inside the Cathouse, the band of the evening loudly blaring through the club, I see Robbin, Vince, Tommy, a couple other guys I don't recognize, and a few girls beside them.

As I approach them Vince nudges Tommy and they greet me in tipsy manner, grinning ear to ear.

"Viv!" Tommy exclaims. "Where's Sixx?"

I don't bother to answer, my already busted knuckles making contact with Robbin's jaw.

"What the fuck?!" Vince shouts at me as excruciating pain shoots through my hand.

Robbin's thrown off guard and before I can throw another punch, Tommy's pulling me off of him, my nails clawing at his hands while I try to get away from him.

"What the fuck did I do to you?!" Robbin yells over me, holding his jaw.

I take a few deep breaths, calming down, clearing my hair from my face.

Tommy releases me cautiously, trying to get everyone in to a calm mood by telling us to, "Just chill out and breathe, guys. Everybody just cool off." He's sobered up now that Rabid Bitch Vivian has made an appearance.

The more I look at Robbin, the angrier I get from the information Nikki disclosed to me.

He tried shooting heroin after Robbin suggested they do it together, since Robbin had been doing for a little while prior...

I loved Robbin, but in my mind at the time, he contaminated Nikki more than he already was.

I switch off common sense for a moment, grabbing the neck of a Jack bottle on the bar, busting the bottom off of it using the side of the counter.

Jack splashes everywhere causing the groupies around them to squeal, and the jagged edge of the bottle is taken out of my hand just as I go to cut my target with it.

This time I'm on the ground, the breath getting knocked out of my body as Nikki's boot presses on my abdomen to keep me in place.

"Fuck it off, Vivian, you're acting like a fucking psycho!" He barks down at me.

"Crazy cunt!" One of the guys with Robbin states.

"What did you just say?" Vince snaps at him in my defense.

Just as he's about to repeat it, the blonde is punching him before Nikki can, then his buddy punches Vince, which in return Tommy and Nikki both lay his friend out on the floor.

Within seconds security is grabbing at all of us and throwing us out.

"Thanks, Vivian, you sure do know how to piss on a fucking good time." Vince hisses at me, brushing himself off.

"I'll break your nose, again." I threaten him, causing Nikki snatch me away by my arm, getting between us.

"I still don't know what the fuck I did to deserve that." Robbin pipes, pissed off and confused, rubbing his swollen jaw that's beginning to bruise a little.

"Probably nothing. Vivian just likes to attack people for the hell of it." Vince bites out.

"If I attack anybody, there's a reason." I snap at him.

"Not a very good one." Nikki throws at me and I nearly laugh.

"So Robbin teaching you how to use needles so the two of you can shoot heroin together isn't a good reason to hit him?"

This shuts everyone up.

Nikki and Robbin's eyes nearly bulge out of their heads as I air out their dirty laundry.

Vince and Tommy look at each other, not saying a word as Nikki grinds his teeth together.

Without thinking, he tosses his keys to Tommy to drive his car back to our apartment whenever he could.

His fingers grasp tightly at my bicep, and he snags me away from the guys, dragging me to my light blue corvette I sped here in.

I sulk, not even arguing with him anymore when he opens the door and throws me in the passenger seat, nearly shutting my feet in the door but I get them tucked in to the floor board of the car before the door slams with enough force to shake the vehicle a little.

I go ahead and put my seat belt on as he angrily makes his way to the drivers side because I know he'll drive like a maniac, which is exactly why he didn’t was us taking his car.

Before he gets over there, I reach over and click the lock on the driver's door, locking him out.

He tries to open the door and realizes he can't get in and I just glance over at him, keeping myself from smirking before looking forward in triumph.

Little do I know he's beyond done with my shit and has no issue going to the extreme I'm at right now.

Glass shatters when his fist breaks through the window, sending glass into the seat and floorboard, and he reaches his bloodied hand in and unlocks his door.

I think he's so pissed off he doesn't even care about the glass in his seat before he sits down and starts the car, hitting the gas so hard the tires spin out and squeal loudly against the pavement.

When we get back to our apartment, he's coming to an abrupt stop and getting out of the car, shutting his door and walking over to mine.

He opens my door and I immediately start kicking at him, throwing every curse at him I can think of as he struggles to get me out.

His hand eventually wraps around my ankle and pulls me to the pavement before he pulls me up by my wrists and walks me behind him, keeping a steel hold on me with one hand until he unlocks the door and shoves me in to the apartment.

He takes his leather jacket off, stalking towards me with flaring nostrils and wild eyes.

I'm too pissed off to be scared.

I let out a breath and blink up at him, trying not to cry.

If I cry he'll go easy on me and I don't want him to do that. I want him to tell me everything he's thinking, verbatim, with no worry about my feelings.

We're only inches apart now, his face bright red with anger, his eyes bearing in mine.

"I am not going to put up with this shit ever again." He warns me as calmly as he can, although his voice shakes. "I am twenty-five years old. I've been taking care of myself pretty fucking fine on my own now and I don't need you having so much control over me that you spaz out when you realize something isn't going your way. I should go to a lawyer tomorrow and file for a fucking divorce because I never would've married you if I'd known you have these many problems, baby." He chuckles humorlessly and I blink back tears. "I'm not gonna do that because I like being with you. But don't for a second, think you can act a fucking fool and embarrass me and my friends like this, ever again." He orders sternly. "Got it?"

"Okay, Nikki."

"And get your fucking meds refilled." He adds roughly, cutting me deeper before leaving the apartment and banging the door shut behind him.

I got my prescription Nardil refilled, along with my patience, over the course of the following four days in which Nikki still wasn't speaking to me even though Robbin was back to acting like nothing even happened.

To the extent that when Robbin got back home for the night earlier than Nikki did, I would lay in the floor with him so I wouldn't feel like I was alone, and I'd wake up with Nikki attempting to put me back in bed before passing out next to me.

I assumed him at least wanting me in the bed with him was progress.

#nikki sixx #tommy lee #vince neil #mötley crüe #colson baker #daniel webber #douglas booth #the dirt #the dirt movie #gateway drug

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thedoublingcenter · 3 years

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College Days in a Haze

[ @kingofthecon || Pulled from here!]

Stanley wasn’t about to question it or his imagination’s penchant for weird things. It must have been a side effect of trying to bring light to his and Ford’s childhood. Fat lot of good that did him, considering that he and his brother were no longer on speaking terms. It was funny and stupid how much he thought of his brother when he made it clear that he didn’t want to even be in the same zip code as him. His brother was self-centered despite how self-conscious he was. It was laughable, really–and there he went thinking about Ford. Ugh, feelings were stupid. He was supposed to be holding a grudge. He was also supposed to be helping out his inner weird with a Valentine’s day present. Yeah, that was apparently his life at the moment. “Yeah well, I’ll jus’ take your word for it.” Mainly because he didn’t know WHAT was going on at the moment. Setting the con-artistry and…other questionable comments aside, he decided to take everything he was hearing with a grain of salt even if he wasn’t one to judge. After all he’d been sort of fixated with the occasional dead animal in his childhood. He’d even told Ford all about the dead rat he’d seen floating in a bucket once. He’d been sort of fascinated by things like that, though that’d all been squashed when Shanklin had been hit by a car. He’d been attached and watching something close to him die had hurt. Some people dealt with death better than he did. He knew about taxidermy, courtesy of his twin, but that hadn’t made him feel better because it cost money and their Pa didn’t even want to dish out cash for his sons let alone a pet that Stanley wasn’t supposed to have to begin with… “Maybe hold off on the heart for when ya get hitched or somethin’?” He wanted to say never, but honestly whatever weird stuff was going on it probably would be rude NOT to present a still-beating heart after a certain amount of time with them dating? Is that what this was? He was assuming that since it WAS Valentine’s Day that they were at least, on some level, more than friends? W-why was he putting more thought…nope, the sooner he got this over with the sooner he could pretend that none of this weirdness, minus his time well spent with Fiddleford, out of his system. No need to get invested. “If it’s all the same to you, I think I’ll pass on that invite, Tri-Guy. But maybe during Halloween?” A time that was appropriate for wanting to be freaked out despite the absurdity that came from people dressing up and trying to scare the mess out of someone i.e. one of his favorite holidays ever. “I wouldn’t mind teaming up for some sort of haunted house–no! A hut where dumb teens get murdered for making stupid choices like running up the stairs where they’ve blocked themselves from getting out of two story building without twisting their ankle or breakin’ their leg or something.” Just thinking about it…the scams he could pull, the suckers he could relieve of their hard earned cash. Maybe there was something to this whole con artist thing? …nah. “Wait, I actually helped?” The surprise was more so because it seemed like a really basic idea with all the things laid out in front of him like that. Maybe it was some sort of moral or lesson…that he shouldn’t overthink things because sometimes the most obvious solution was just as good as something super convoluted. It would certainly tie into him trying to talk with Fiddleford. He should just be himself. That’s what he was wanting to do when he came to college after all. He wanted to get out of Ford’s shadow and be himself, and yet here he was incapable of trying to just…talk to his crush like he had with Carla. It shouldn’t have mattered if Fidds was a guy or not. People were people? “Eesh, I do NOT want to know the story behind the soggy animal purse.” Luckily the information wasn’t coming anyway, and he was due for a wake up call since Mr. Top-Hatted Triangle was dismissing him with some…pretty interesting…conspira– Stanley sat up with a start, momentarily forgetting where the heck he was which was very unfortunate since he was sitting at his desk. Joining the waking world was disorienting already, but still being slightly sick didn’t help matters especially when he toppled over and onto the floor taking his chair with him. It clattered, loudly, and the most he could do was groan out a curse that might have impressed his old man. He had no idea what time it was nor did he have any idea of whether or not Fidds was even in their shared dorm. Hopefully it was early enough for him to be in class and not late at night like he hoped it was. He fumbled for much longer than he would have if he was completely sober and managed to right the chair before fumbling his way towards the bathroom - hand in the bird nest he called his hair while muttering about weird dreams though there was a pleasant feeling in his chest because he certainly remembered talking to Fiddleford, even if he didn’t really recall what it was he’d said…though he did vaguely recall laughter…? Weird dreams indeed.

Of course, Fiddleford had already been up for a few minutes- but seeing Stanley suddenly jolt awake had nearly caused him to ram his head into the wall as he started, words just barely catching in his throat out of surprised confusion. He finally managed to regain his bearings, re-adjusting his ruined glasses long enough to see Stanley basically bumbling towards the door to their shared bathroom. He spotted the chair, heard the mutterings.. Weird dreams? His own mind was still filled with fleeting images- many of them involving Stanley, and-- well-- a few... Things... That had his cheeks coloring as he thought back on them.

But even as he tried to grasp those memories, they started to flicker and waver- ghosts in the dead of night. He turned his head, spotting his alarm clock- which read a very painful ‘3:33 A. M.’. Early.. Very, very early. Too early for his first class, but late enough that he didn’t want to go back to sleep... But it was tempting, even as his memories grew foggier, fainter with each growing second. He was trying to grasp them, but they continued evading his grasp- dashing into the dump for thoughts as he tried (in vain) to hold on. That was when Fiddleford finally stood, mouth still moving slightly to try to figure out something to say.

“Didja have ah... ‘Weird dream’... Too?” He wasn’t even sure what he could qualify it as. Thoughts dashed through his head every time he tried to think back- a confession, a kiss, a steady light in the core of his very being that grew at the mere sensation of what he thought he remembered. He wanted to go back, but a paralyzing fear held him in the present. “... Ah jus’... Ah jus’ woke up...” He breathed out. Was Stan even listening? Should he even be trying? He wasn’t entirely sure.

One thing was certain: he probably wasn’t going to get any sleep the rest of the night. It was too late for anything more than a power-nap, given how alive he felt. It was strange, his body was all at once chilled to the bone with exhaustion and wired down to every last nerve with energy. He wanted to run and scream, and at the same time pass out on the bed and wake up in two weeks.

It occurred to him then that he probably shouldn’t be trying to ask Stan what was going on- after all, the other was going to the bathroom, clearly- conversation was probably the last thing on his mind. So Fiddleford slumped a bit in his bed, staring at his banjo resting beside the bed, the strings waiting for a good pluck while he tried to figure out what to make of his jumbled mind. There were only faint impressions now- but enough that he could piece together a general idea. A general idea around Stan, around love- and the thought worried him. Had something manifested in his dreams? Had he just... Had a wish-fulfillment dream? Maybe a nightmare? It would explain the fight-or-flight response he was feeling... If it could be called that.

Faded afterimages of sunlight drifted from the curtained window (they really needed thicker curtains), the faint blue a reminder of just how early it truly was. Although really, ‘early’ and ‘late’ were subjective at best... He readjusted his glasses, before silently taking them off with a hint of a laugh. He hadn’t needed to adjust them... But it had been done out of habit. He looked them over, the cracks still quite visible- so small, so hard to spot from a distance... But up close... Clear words and images.

“... Di’ som’ne break m’glasses?...”

#[banjos and robots: fiddleford]#kingofthecon #[-*I hope you like it!*-]#[-*lemme know if I need to change anything or make it longer or shorter or whatevs*-]#[-*may wanna msg selfrp tho since this blog-- I don't really check often--*-]#[-*but I plan to check more regularly now that I know it has a thread on it*-]#[-*also trying to use a more southern accent lemme know if I should dial it back*-]#long post

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soysaucevictim · 4 years

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Final week of current stuff~

June 20

I woke up before 9AM... somehow. (Itching + heat probs didn’t help.)

I rambled a bit on Twitter about grapefruit, felt a bit risky/curious about eating just a quarter of one this morning. (Was a bit concerned about drug interactions.)

Did some sketches, chatted, did some dishes, and made today’s Hello Fresh meal. Zucchini pomodoro penne bake an enjoyable meal, even moreso thanks to it’s relative ease to make.

I spent a few hours after that- chatting, playing KH, and steaming some leftover zucchini grandma brought us.

(Okay it was late, but I really jumbled up my exercise itinerary today...)

First, Day 25 of the CSP. Level 3, max rest. Counts were fast and form wasn’t stellar... but I’ll accept it. That was nevertheless intense. Also, had a few moments of “but wait, what side am I holding for again?“

Second , Day 25 of the MC. 15′ meditation + OM Mantra. I decided to sit against my bed and let my arms rest in lap. It went alright... got interrupted twice and had a few moments where I think I was dozing off a bit. I’ll call it done.

Third , today’s DD. 1′ tree pose with EC. Out of order, since I barely remembered to get this one done before calling it a day. Breezy and fun work.

Last , Day 25 of the VP. Level 3, no rest. Pretty fun and breezy. Hip flexors felt it a little, too.

I regretted my decision to break out my 2DS... got to bed way too late again.

June 21

I woke up a bit before 2PM.

I believe the first thing I did waking up was accompanying brother to get some Subway. After some YouTube, I got started with today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 side-to-side lunges with EC. Just about manageable.

Second, Day 26 of the VP. Level 3, 30″. Arms needed some recovery time to work with, but got it done.

(After watching Lord of War, Dinner for Shmucks, and chatting with a friend...)

Third, Day 26 of the CSP. Level 3, max rest. I debated heavily on rain checking it, since it was past midnight. But I did it anyways. Also doable, but I felt I had to try to be a bit more quiet.

Last, Day 26 of the MC. 1′ equal breathing + 15′ meditation. Got a little impatient at the very end. But I did have a few moments of enjoying some ujjayi-style breathing sounds.

I then repeated yesterday’s mistake of playing more 2DS games, despite sense telling me not too... oh well.

June 22

I woke up around 2PM.

Ate dinner, just some Chinese fast food. I spent a few hours watching some YouTube and reading some cool SaSi analysis posts before getting started on exercises.

First, today’s DD. 1′ hollow hold with EC. Still not particular fond of this one, but can still manage.

Second, Day 27 of the VP. Level 3, no rest. A bit of stretching stuff, overall quite breezy~

(After chatting and passing some more time to allow food to go down...)

Third, Day 27 of the CSP. Level 3, max rest. That was pretty intense, but it was a good call to stall a bit for more food digestion beforehand. Honestly, quads got a good deal of action with the core/abs. But, consider it done.

Last, Day 27 of the MC. Backup & Restore + 15′ meditation. One thing I always like about B&R is the rush of cool you get after getting out of the second child’s pose. Did doze off a lil during tonight’s session and it took a bit for my right quads to stop trembling from fatigue to stay relatively still. Eventually stopped but did crush my left foot a tiny bit awkwardly (was sitting cross-legged).

After YouTube and some gaming, I decided I would try to actually get to sleep in the green zone. Despite the impulse to play more games crossing my mind. Yay!

June 23

... I woke up just shy of 5AM. Had a restless night’s sleep. Got to be PROFOUNDLY itchy. I think ti was because of the heat. =_=

After some deliberation on twitter, I ordered some OTC antihistamines, did some dishes, confirmed an appointment, and followed up on our census response. I then took a nap.

Woke up again at around 3PM.

Tanked my ENTIRE day playing Gemcraft and regretted it.

Got to bed obscenely late again, too.

June 24

I woke up before 1PM.

After a bit of YouTube and a phone call from my case manager, I started to play catch-up with my exercise stuff.

First, yesterday’s DD. 2′ jumping Ts with EC. Took a false-start trying to find a sustainable pace. But I eventually I nailed an exact 1/sec pace, 120 reps. "Forbidden Fruit" turned out to be a good tempo to work alongside. (As well as in terms of run-time.) :,D

Second, today’s DD. 20 up/down planks with EC. I went at this as fast as I could so I could get through it. Did wear some long sleeves for it. Elbows still had to look forward to doing more tho. :P

Second, Day 28 of the VP. Level 3, no rest. The heat plus those 2 DDs made this harder than it otherwise would be. Notably, especially at the start - doing balanced leg raises was hard and had a few drop-downs (still a self-imposed challenge there.).

(After a bit of time recovering from that with a bit of rest and pickle juice for electrolytes...)

Third, Day 28 of the CSP. Level 3, max rest. Elbows were not the most happy about more up/downs... but I was able to manage. If barely in the last couple sets.

Second, Day 29 of the VP. Level 3, 30″ rest. Arms were a bit tired after that, and this was an arms day. So I started off with that rest period, did think to close it after a couple sets... but eh. Might as well go a bit easier on myself after everything...

(After a bit of debate on whether to do more doubling up...)

Third, Day 29 of the CSP. Level 2, max rest. Accrued fatigue made me feel like Level 3 wasn’t happening today. Neck strain was probs the worst part to contend with here...

(After some dishes...)

Last, Day 28 of the MC.15′ meditation. I did some slow breaths, counting upward for each inhale/exhale. Had a few brief moments losing count, but doing such does help to maintain a bit more deliberate focus.

After a bit of a headache setting things up, I streamed that chibi!Remus drawing. I wound up pulling an allnighter, by the time I finished it.

June 25

After posting that art and doing a bit of gaming, one of the first things I did was take a hot shower. Sleep dep made me feel my tired muscles more... taking a hot shower just now helped that for a bit.

I wound up staying up so I could get to the laundromat as planned and deal with clothes. Afterwards, spent time unpacking some deliveries, taking out the trash/recyclables, making dinner, feeding/watering dog, and putting away my laundry... honestly was too tired to be saddled with all that. But I did what I needed to do.

Very late, but one of the last things I spent energy on today was exercise.

First, today’s DD. 1′ climbers with EC. 130 reps were counted by the end. Given my food choices, I’m glad this was the only exercise on docket that could aggravate the stomach. And even then, it went without much issue.

Second, Day 30 of the Vitality Program. Level 3, no rest. Honestly, the only hard part here was probably the calf raises - given how sore my calves were getting (after those Jumping Ts and no sleep to recover from them). But this was just manageable.

Third, Day 30 of the Core Strength Program. Level 3, 30″ rest This was pretty breezy by this program’s standards. Was arguably too exhausted to mind how high I was targeting for the leg raises, but I won’t dock any points for it.

Last, Day 29 of the MC.15′ meditation + OM Mantra. Because tired, leaned against bed again. Did have a few moments of drifting focus from the mantra. But I did the best I could and appreciate the activity.

I went to bed in the green zone. Because my wall was hit.

June 26

I woke up proper around 1PM.

One of the first things I did today was make today’s HF dinner. Hoison-sesame roasted veggie bowls. I was thrilled that dad liked this one, given that he has stated not liking sweet potatoes / yams before. This def speaks to how much of a big deal is in HOW you cook stuff (than only just what's in it).

I then spent time doing dishes, before doing a little bit of exercise.

First, today’s DD. 40 raised leg circles. Just about manageable.

Last, Day 30 of the Meditation Challenge. 20′ meditation. Tried to focus on breathing, but I did have some trouble staying focused on it (was fidgety in thought and with my hands/arms)Observed left leg went to sleep and took a good minute or 2 to normalize sensation. Didn’t stop me from getting up and walking around, KNOWING after the first window where the sensation feels okay you get slammed with weakness/parasthesia. :,D

I then spent some time to clean the kitchen countertops and toilet. Did some logging and video editing before turning in. Pretty late, later than yesterday.

Summary of Experience:

I finished both my programs on time, in June 25.

The Vitality Program. was a good warm-up and mostly a breeze to get through! Easily managed Level 3 for the whole program. What I did note was how long I needed to rest between sets.

No rest for 25 days

30″ rest for 5 days (arm-centric days)

The Core Strength Program had a lot of days that kicked my ass a bit. But I’m happy with how far I could take it most of the time. I only needed to knock 2 days down to Level 2 (16 & 29) and did Level 3 for the rest. I also recorded the spread for how long I needed to rest between sets.

No rest for 3 days

30″ rest for 2 days

1′ rest for 5 days

1′30″ rest for 5 days

Max rest for 20 days

I finished the in Meditation Challenge June 26. This was a good thing to rerun, for many reasons. I did it all to silence. I occasionally experimented with different sitting positions (largely determined by how tired I was). Focused on breath most of the time, counting them a couple times.

#adventures with fitness #adventures with hello fresh #sharon play kingdom hearts

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countdowntocake · 7 years

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50 Personal Questions

Rules: fill this out and tag at least one person you’d like to know more about! Or just fill it out! Or don’t! Answer only some of them! Make up your own questions! “What kind of requirement is that”, you ask? A reasonable one! Who am I to tell you what to do? Anything goes! Tagged by @leorysxi Tagging No One! 1. What kind of food can’t you stand? Anything that's really cheap or really processed (basically most candy and junk food, except for some quality chocolate). Also coconut. Fuck coconut. 2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick? As of right now, having to remember princess lessons in MidCin and IkeSen. If I could just store infinite stamina (or at least like 10 hours) I'd be such a happy camper. 3. Have you got any useless talents? Idk if it counts as a talent but I can do multiplication, addition, and subtraction from left-to-right. 4. If you could be really really good at one thing, what would it be? Remembering things. 5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking. There are plenty, but off the top of my head Andy Biersack for guys (I don't even listen to BVB but I do listen to his solo album lol) and Zendaya or Sofia Vergara for ladies.  6. What was your favorite way to pass the time as a kid? Daydreaming or playing video games (I got my first hand-me-down DS when I was 7). 7. What is something you’re proud of? I'm plenty cocky about a lot of things, but if I had to pick it would be that I was selected out of like 700 kids in my middle school to represent them in a young leadership conference during my first year there.  8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate? Vapidness in general.   9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a leader (see number 7)! One of my young childhood memories was when I was at the beach on vacation when I was maybe 6, and I was trying to direct a bunch of other little kids on how to build a proper sandcastle (I'm now currently discovering my interest in the field of architecture, funnily enough).  10. What kind of student are/were you? Extremely curious, tends to monopolize the teacher, teachers pet, has never dipped below a 3.7 GPA.  11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life? I have absolutely no clue tbh.  12. Name your most irrational fear/aversion. The inevitability of my own death. 13. Are there any fictional characters you find especially relatable? Yes, and the first that comes to mind is Edea Lee from the Bravely Default series. She's the daughter of the Grand Marshal (king) of her kingdom, and was raised to follow in her father's footsteps. Though her somewhat biased education had led her to see the world in a very black/white way, her world view is forced to change as she journeys out into the world and joins the other heroes of the story. She wants to make her father and teachers proud, but does not hesitate to disobey them and her state when she sees the consequences of their actions. She's proud, headstrong, and kind (plus she loves food lmao I love Edea and I could talk about her for hours and I'm literally going to name my firstborn daughter after her and no one can stop me).   14. If you drink, what kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties? I don't really go to parties unless they're small gatherings with friends or family, and the idea of drinking in public terrifies me so idk I'll figure it out eventually.  15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone? It will definitely take awhile. I can get crushes, sure, but if and when I start looking for someone to spend/dedicate my whole life to, I plan to find the right one the first time.  16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends? This is going to sound shallow but 100 casual friends. No matter how perfect we are as friends, only spending time with one person wears thin after awhile.  17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak? Neat-freak, but not extremely so. I just like me some good organization!  18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you would find incredibly cozy. When I think of cozy, one old southern home in my dad's family comes to mind. In the middle of a town as rural as can be, it's a large, charming white cottage surrounded by massive oak trees. The only sounds that reach it are the occasional train the crosses the edge of the property. Whether I'd be out on the porch swing overlooking the yard, the sunroom in the back with an old couch along an entire wall with a massive window, or even perched in one of the massive oaks on the property, I'd stay there forever and nap.  19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday? Like I said, I'm totally naming my first daughter Edea. 20. What was your favorite book as a child? When I was in second grade, I used to get in massive trouble for reading the Young Nancy Drew series in math class. I also love the Harry Potter series, and found a book called The School for Good and Evil on the first day of 6th grade and have loved the series since.  21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about Snapchat, Jake Paul, fidget spinners... I could go on.  22. Name one thing that you think is tragically underrated. Marina and the Diamonds! I hear everyone talking about Halsey or Lana Del Ray, but no one ever talks about Marina and her awesome music! ;-;  23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional (who you have never met), who would you choose? I have no clue, but someone I could get comfortable with at least (not a guy, I'm way too shy!).  24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday? I'm just going to be generic and say travel the world.  25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do generally prefer to not rock the boat? If it's something I feel confident in my knowledge/ability to debate about, then I'll never hold back. 26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in? I'm not one for fads usually, so I don't really have an answer. 27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid/adolescent, but now cringe at yourself for? Idk, I was a pretty cool kid. I usually knew when something was too dumb for me. 28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable? A quick wit. 29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? (For instance, people always get you things with ducks on them because you like ducks, etc.) I usually make a wish-list, but I've always gotten plenty of video games, and in recent years I've been receiving jewelry as a gift more often (mostly from my mom because we watch JTV together sometimes and she knows my taste lmao)  30. Do you speak multiple languages? Which ones? I only know English fluently, but I'm learning Spanish in school, slowly but surely.  31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside? The countryside definitely has its draws (see number 18), but I've also lived in a city all my life and the convenience of everything is really nice...  32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving? I never would have thought it as a kid, but I actually love reading nonfiction. You don't have to struggle to find something with a good story that's suited to your tastes, and you get to LEARN stuff.  33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else? I guess it depends on what type of spotlight. If it's just drama/popularity, then no thanks, but I definitely want appreciation for what I do and what I've a accomplished so far. 34. Favorite holiday? Easter for pastels and nostalgia, Mardi Gras for fun and family, and Christmas for gifts and candy.  35. Are you a more go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously? PLANNING. Because STRATEGY. IS. ALWAYS. (srsly tho don't try to get me into a plan that hasn't been thought out yet because I will ask a million questions and start planning everything for you)  36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all over again? (A tv show, book, series–anything.) Most things wouldn't be the same now since I did them as a child, but honestly if I could replay Breath of the Wild with a blank slate I totally would. I tried to take it slow but still ended up rushing the story ;-;  37. What hobbies do you have? Still video games and daydreaming :p but now with the lovely additions of fanfiction and YouTube!  38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have? Teleporting? You can't kill a man with it, but it's still pretty useful.  39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you? (Depending on how you met me) I'm super polite and apparently "talk fancy", or that I swear like a sailor in the most deadpan way.  40. Something that took you way too long to figure out? I can't remember anything off the top of my head...  41. Worst injury you’ve had? I've never broken a bone, but once when I was like four I got this HORRIBLE carpet burn on my chin from watching cartoons on my stomach at a friend's house.  42. Any morbid fascinations? Not really. 43. Describe your sense of humor. Dry, often dark, and is typically enhanced by timing and delivery (deadpan, usually).  44. If you had to be born in another era/place, which would you choose? I'm honestly pretty happy where I am. The past sucks in terms of conveniences and sanitation, and where I came from plays a huge part in who I am.  45. Something you are irredeemably bad at? Probably dancing.  46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through? When I was younger, my mom would ALWAYS correct me if I forgot to say ma'am or sir, but I'm so glad she stuck with it because now it's ingrained in my brain and helps me to be acknowledged/liked by my teachers and other adults.  47. Would you rather have a really godawful ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal with clothing (upper arm, thigh, etc.), or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? (Neither tattoo can be removed or concealed with makeup, and the ugly tattoo will deeply offend anyone who sees it.) Face tattoo! It doesn't have to be that big, right? Theoretically it could just look like the perfect makeup permanently on my face (and lord knows I'm too lazy for makeup). But realistically, I'm never getting a tattoo. 48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist? Realist? I like to operate under "prepare for the worst and hope for the best". I'm confident in my ability to get myself where I want to be, but I know I'll have to work for it. 49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you? Probably something about my mind or abilities. I love being complimented on my looks of course (the other day when I was getting my hair done for school a stranger told me I have beautiful hair and I'm still happy about it), but whenever someone in MidCin compliments me as a princess I almost always screenshot it.  50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you? (In real life) I'm not a total stuck-up bitch. Yes I'm confident in myself and yes I came from a relatively well-off background, but I like to think that I'm nicer than I first appear.

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howtomusicmajor · 8 years

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Stress and How To Deal

I have a website!

Stress is a given in college. At some point in your college career, you are going to look at your responsibilities and the amount of time you have available, you will do some math, and you are going to come up with a time deficit so large you’ll cry. It happens to everyone, whether it’s because of Too Many Commitments, or just run of the mill procrastination. Even if you manage to keep your schedule flowing kind of smoothly, there’s other sources of stress that will sneak up on you. That doesn’t mean you can’t do your best to keep yourself calm and happy, though!

The first, and most important aspect of stress control is knowing what exactly is causing your stress. There are tons of potential stressors in all of our lives after all. Taking a moment to sit down and really focus on what issues in your life are the most stressful or irritating can help you to pinpoint what you can do to feel better.

Friends: Are your friends dramatic? Do they fit your personality? Do you feel overwhelmed by them, or do you feel like they support you? It’s easy to assume that your friends are what all people everywhere are like, but it’s not the case. If your friends are stressing you out, you can talk to them about why that’s the case — or find new friends.

Family: This is a big one for a lot of underclassmen especially. You haven’t been away at college very long, so your parents’ influence can still feel incredibly strong. Especially if a parent is funding your education, you can feel like it’s necessary to bend to their will in all circumstances. However, just because you’re related to someone, or because they raised you, does not mean they have the right to boss around an adult (that’s you!). Talk to them about it.

Significant Other: Hey, dating is rough. Personally, I would argue that you remain single for at LEAST your freshman year (I did not, I have regrets), but love knows no law. At the very least, remember that there are approximately seven billion fish in the sea, and the one person you met during orientation who’s now making you sad or angry or otherwise upset is probably not worth the long-term stress!

Class: Obviously, this is going to be a BIG stressor! However, not all classes are created equal. Go through your classes and identify the ones causing the biggest problems for you. (You probably already have an idea which ones they are.) Then budget time in your week specifically to take care of those classes, and it will make life so much easier. This includes talking to professors, getting a tutor, or even just sitting down specifically to study for that class.

Work: Work problems can be task-related or social. If you physically cannot do a task, or if you dread going to work because you hate doing the thing, I would recommend getting a new job. If a coworker or boss is the cause of your problems, either talk to them or report them to the HR department! You deserve a non-hostile work environment, and are legally supported in that right.

Health: If you’re not healthy, everything gets harder. There’s more detail on this later, but seriously, use your campus resources like the health and counseling centers. That’s what they’re there for.

Weather: Yes, cloudy, gross, ugly weather can be a real cause of stress. If you think you’ve got a little bit of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) going on, talk to the counseling center, or maybe just rage against the heavens. Also, whenever it’s sunny and nice, go enjoy that stuff. For me, writing this in Wisconsin in February, if for no one else.

Habits and Personality: I’ll be the first to admit it - I have the attention span of a caffeinated squirrel. I have 7 tabs open right now - my writing tab, email, two different blogs, and then TWO noise generators to keep me focused on NOT going to the blog tabs. Or going to social media. Or going to the vending machine. Getting stuff done is a constant fight with myself, and it’s helped me immensely to acknowledge this as a personality trait so that I can fight it. You likely have your own habits and personality traits that you find it hard to deal with. Acknowledging these facts about yourself is the first step to finding ways to work around them.

There are a lot of ways to reduce stress outside of just removing or fixing what causes you that stress. After all, it’s not always possible to fix the stressor itself (coughhomeworkcough). These methods are what’s called “self-care.” This term can cover a lot, but it primarily refers to ways a person can make their life better, a little bit at a time. If you look up self-care on, say, Instagram, you get lots of posts about weight loss! And inspirational quotes! And magic body washes! That’s not what it’s really about. It’s about making yourself feel better in little, long-lasting ways.

Suggestions for self-care

Take a shower

Make your bed

Wash your face

Use lotion if your skin is dry

Drink water

Eat something that is identifiably part of a plant

Brush your hair

Go for a walk

Smile at a mirror, or a friend

Turn on more lights

Take a nap

Go to sleep earlier than normal

Wake up earlier than normal

Make a really good cup of tea or coffee

Roll your shoulders

Do a five minute stretch routine

Kick up one leg really high, if you can

Put on something that makes you feel good

Open a window

Make a list of literally EVERYTHING you need to do

Put that list down and give yourself permission to not do any of it for half an hour

Use a meditation app

Consider turning off your electronics for an hour every day

Make a counseling center appointment

Visit a local shelter

Call a friend

Go sit in a public space

Find a club to join

Find a forum for a hobby you enjoy

Volunteer at a local organization

Light a candle

Go to a park

Write a list of everything bothering you and then absolutely DESTROY that paper

Take out the trash

Check out a book to read for fun from your library

Do the laundry

Find a tree and sit underneath it

Draw something, even if it’s bad

Literally ANYTHING you do that makes you feel better (in a non-harmful way!) is self-care. These are just suggestions - you know yourself best, and you can figure out what helps you out the most.

#music #studyblr #stress #studyspo #college #school

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stupidpianist · 6 years

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10 October 2018

08:00: Woke extremely blearily. Was like, “Jesus, I feel like I didn’t get any sleep last night.” Was one of those nights where you’re sort of phasing in-and-out of sleep but you’re never fully asleep and never fully conscious. Remember distinctly thinking, at multiple moments throughout the night, that my pillow “felt inordinately uncomfortable,” without being able to cognize why, even after visual/tactile investigation of said pillow. First emotion I recall upon waking: extreme, almost shocking levels of stress/anxiety. Told myself, “breathe, just deep breathe, like you see in those meditation videos,” and rationalised that cortisol levels follow a strong diurnal rhythm, with “high levels in the morning that peak 30-45 minutes after waking, dropping rapidly for the next several hours and declining slowly throughout the rest of the day, until a low point of around midnight.” Deep breathing seemed to have an opposite effect, felt distinctly “out-of-breath” like I had been running for five-to-ten minutes, felt increasingly panicked.

08:55: Felt a sensation like I “might as well” get up, stood, walked to bathroom, splashed water on my face. Chose hair product I haven’t used in months to try and “switch things up,” feeling a little mischievous, or something. I usually use this Gatsby branded Asian hair product, but “went with” my pink Reuzel “heavy grease” one today, with pretty good results, maybe, possibly. Then walked to sink, where I made a G Fuel energy shake and drank it while standing and staring at my wall, feeling “extremely surprised” that I “somehow didn’t feel tired” despite not really sleeping the entire night.

09:10: Moved to bed and idly browsed Facebook while thinking, “do a ‘mix-and-match’ outfit today, go ahead, go crazy,” and chose slightly older jeans and a slightly newer jacket. Felt medium-to-high levels of panic re: entire future of my life, short-term tasks I hadn’t done yet, long term-tasks I hadn’t done yet. Attempted to force “positive thinking” on myself through unrelentingly repeating aphorisms in my head, and ceaselessly telling myself that “I can do it,” and that “I’ll get through it,” and will “feel better in an hour or two.”

09:35: Walked to “Animal Behaviour and Theory” lecture, vaguely annoyed that it was drizzling a little. Decided to be a “polite pedestrian,” a “law-abiding citizen” and didn’t jaywalk, despite sometimes being at intersections with no cars within eyeshot, waiting for the walk signal to illuminate. Felt strangely unable to decide what music to play from iPod, switching between bands before settling on Kero Kero Bonito.

10:04: Notes from margins of my notebook from lecture:

-Chose to write with “classic pen” over “fancy pen”

-Energy… fading…

-Seem unable to stop shaking left leg

-Is this a homemade carbonara sauce?

-Gosh I’m tired

For most of the lecture I actually felt, like, attentive and focused. I really like the professor who teaches this class, who I also took another psych course with over the summer. He’s my favourite professor this semester “by a long shot,” and I genuinely enjoy going to his classes. Distinctly remember a lot of the jokes he makes, and am also appreciative that he goes over denser topics at a reasonable rate, whilst not overdoing simpler ones. Another observation—he always has the same thermos, unfalliably, every class, and I’m pretty certain it’s filled with coffee. Seems like he drinks an egregious amount of coffee, like, more than almost anyone I’ve ever met. I looked him up on Facebook one night, just out of curiosity, and saw that he listens to thrash metal, which makes a lot of sense, ie. corroborates well with his general presence. He once made a small exclamation of astonishment that there are scientists who “study blue jays”; I felt similarly surprised.

11:36: Hardcore debating with myself whether or not to “stick it through” and just spend the rest of the day on campus practicing piano and studying, then going home, or if I should go back home for a bit and nap. Unsure if I have… the “stamina”... the “drive”... the “tactical know-how”... the “desire” to push on…

Okay, no, no, I’ve decided, I have to do this, I can’t break down on the second day of liveblogging, NOT ON THE SECOND DAY. My head is going “you can’t do this to yourself, George, you can’t quit now,” like, in a motivational, Will Smith-esque voice. Imagining Will Smith leaning over my shoulder, one arm around me, with slightly furrowed eyebrows going, “come on, man, you can do it, you can D-O I-T,” and really annunciating the last few consonants. Yes, yes, feeling “renewed energy,” feeling like I’m gonna go practice, then go to my last lecture, and “finish off the day,” just “tie it off in one fell swoop.”

12:07: Reading Megan’s Liveblog with the intent to stop reading it once my need to use the bathroom becomes “unavoidable.” Still listening to Kero Kero Bonito. Feel strongly that this is going to be the “vibe” for today, and felt immediate aversion towards using the word “vibe” in a viscerally disgusted manner.

Feel earnest and tear-inducing empathy towards song “Sometimes” by Kero Kero Bonito, semi-dancing to it with my torso and head in the library. Softly singing along to the lyrics:

“Sometimes, life gets you down

But you can turn it all around

The raindrops keep falling, you're soaking to the bone

And you can't see for the clouds

Sometimes, life isn't fair

But you can beat it, don't despair

You win some, you lose some

And then you lose some more

You even played your best

But just round the corner

The sun's looking dapper

And Lady Luck's his date

The happy days are coming again

Sometimes, life is a drag

But get that chin up, don't be sad

'Cause somebody up there is looking out for you

And now they're makin' plans

But just round the corner

Well, the real truth of it's that nobody really knows

Life sure doesn't make sense

But on your boots you can bet

That everybody gets the blues sometimes”

I feel like a major part of why I’ve been so endeared to this band for years is just its honest, down-to-earth, non-elaborated-nor-ornamented, non-pessimistic but non-optimistic, just truthful look at life. Feel like it “mixes well” with the slightly childlike, but forlorn instrumentals. Feel like this is definitely “intentional,” and I’m “nowhere near” the first person to point this out, but still feel good that personally observing this elicited such strong, benevolent emotional feedback.

12:25: Really, really considering going to Burger King for “Whopper Wednesday” and getting a cheapass Whopper meal… Feel my stomach “churning for that Whopper.” Brain is going, in sing-song-ey voice, “you want that Whopper, dontcha, big boy, you want that Whopper digesting in your big ol’ tummy huh big boy.”

12:34: Sent a Snapchat to best friend Felix while leaving library in direction of Burger King. The Snap read “Yo wanna hit up Burger King Whopper Wednesday today”. Meant it as a bit of a joke, as Felix lives in Ottawa (and I live in Montreal). Used to enjoy getting food with him to a significant, nearly unbelievable degree. Imagined him opening the Snap while on break at work and smiling, maybe even grinning a bit.

12:45: My internal voice just announced, “Now arriving at Burger King,” with a subway-announcer-like cadence and tone, as I entered the Burger King, slightly afraid that there would be a massive line, being that I was arriving around, or just after “peak lunch hours.” Well guess what?? Barely a line. Barely one at all. Must have taken just shy of five minutes to place an order. “One Whopper meal, please,” I said. It was a “smooth interaction.” No hiccups or speed bumps or unforseen conversation points brought up without proper preparation.

Ahead of me were two people who asked for “the spicy sauce,” and the person behind the counter placed “buffalo” sauce on their tray, which made me think, “why not, treat yourself, go for it, how many times can a man eat buffalo Burger King sauce?” and so I asked the lady for “some buffalo sauce, please.” Made me feel a little spoiled.

Chose “Cherry Coke” and almost immediately regretted it after first sip. Should have gone with “ol’ faithful,” the “OG” Coke, sans extra flavourings. An amateur mistake, and one that I’ll learn from in the future.

I sat near a window, and while eating, conspicuously stared outside and people-watched, and made direct, extended eye contact with thirty, maybe forty, maybe even fifty people?? A lot of them seemed to have actively depressed facial expressions, which, combined with the grey weather, made me feel slightly concerned for the general public as a whole.

Attempted to offset this feeling of desperation/dysphoria by strategising the most optimal way to consume french fries whilst also eating a burger. Tried a multitude of different “tactics,” including:

-pre-dipping and leaving the french fries in the sauce, so they could accumulate “sauce flavour” and be “ready for the picking” whenever you wanted one

-placing the fries inside the burger so as to eat both at the same time and sort-of do the whole “two birds one stone” thing

-assigning one hand as the “dedicated fry hand,” the other hand as the “dedicated burger hand,” and ensuring that, while taking bites of the burger, the other hand reached and grabbed more fries; this seemed to be a little complicated as the meal went on, given the messiness of the burger, which became increasingly sloppy with each bite

After these experiments I eventually just settled on holding the burger with both hands (still in the wrapper to minimise direct skin-on-food contact) and routinely putting it down on the papered tray to stuff some fries in my mouth. Sad.

13:05: Left Burger King. Walking to practice rooms. It’s a lot colder now than when it was when I first walked to campus. Like, much colder. Like, much, much colder.

13:13: Smelled pungent odour in basement of music building, seemed like a byproduct of Vietnamese banh mi/pho place in the music cafeteria?

13:18: Practiced Schubert “therapeutically,” Alkan “aggressively, then Thalberg “for maintenance.” Completely forgot about my previous tiredness, also temporarily forgot about ~90% of the external world for a good portion of the “practice session,” which surprised me. Made me want to “keep going.” Responded to Facebook messages from best friend Poppy, who lives in the same apartment complex as me, in response to how much colder the day had gotten since both of us woke up.

15:09: Practice session rudely interrupted by protesters outside on sidewalk blaring horn sounds. Didn’t notice them while practicing, but now that I’ve started fixating on them, I can’t hear anything except for their interminable squawking. ALERT!!! SHUT UP!!!! NOBODY CAN HEAR THEMSELVES!!!! YOUR PROTEST HAS FOUR PEOPLE!!!! WHAT ARE YOU PROTESTING!!!! YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A SIGN!! I HATE YOU!!!

I don’t actually hate them I shoiuldn’t have typed that, “hate” is too strong a word to use 99.99% of the time, I feel, in any situation. Need to “get the hell out of here,” though, cannot possibly concentrate with this din.

15:15: Walking back to McLennan library to “work on things” on computer before next lecture, “Intro to Behavioural Neuroscience.” Reading music reviews of recently-released albums on phone while walking. Feel high spikes of excitement to listen to Marissa Nadler’s new album, For My Crimes, all my favourite music reviewers are unanimously praising it. Really loved her last album, Strangers. Reading Pitchfork blurb for this new one: “On her moody eighth album, the Boston singer-songwriter examines the icy terrain of marital strife through the lens of her habitual gothic folk.” Thinking, “yes, yes, yes, good, good, thank you, yes, amazing.” Also thinking, “Wait, she’s from Boston?”

15:25: Seated at desktop workstation in McLennan ground floor. Reading any articles on Marissa Nadler I can find, Megan Boyle’s Liveblog open in another tab, Spotify open in another tab, Marissa Nadler’s new album playing. Sounds so good so far.

Woman seated to the right of me is bobbing her head to a song with a similar rhythmic pattern to the song playing for me… We’re both bobbing our heads a little, we’re in sync… Looks like a miniature silent dance party in this corner of the library, in this corner of the library we really “know how to party,” we really “get it on.” We’re a “coupla party animals” up in THIS corner of the library, i tell you what.

16:03: Woman to my right packed up her supplies and left. Sad. Was studying some history course on France. Enjoyed our “moment” together. Feel strongly that anonymous, limited, spontaneous connections with strangers, often based on music, are immensely enjoyable, some of the most enjoyable interactions one can have, I feel.

Recalling “silent disco night”: showed up to the venue, everyone put on headphones and loaded up the pre-made mix, started the mix at the same time. At around ten pm, disco leader danced in front of us leading “the pack” through the streets as we all aggressively danced to mix nobody else could hear. A “life changing” experience. Please do it at least once in your life, you “owe it to yourself.”

Marissa Nadler album seeming to “sync up” perfectly to reading Megan’s Liveblog in an uncanny way. Unfortunately feel mounting dread over going to next lecture, knowing I will likely be nodding off for ~60-70% of it, not because the material is uninteresting, but the format of the lecture is unfortunately unconducive towards holding interest, I feel… Am trying not to “trash talk” anyone, feel distinctly worried that this could come across as “trash talking” to some of u, trust me, I am not trash talking this class, the problem is me, not the lectures, I am just a bad student, trust me, please, please…

Contemplated not going, then reverted back to my “no, George, you can’t just skip class willy nilly like this” thinking. Feeling this liveblog actively coercing me to do things like go to class in a beneficial manner. “Thank you, liveblog,” I’m thinking, softly, in my head.

16:31: Speedwalking to lecture. Feeling “determined,” almost recklessly so, to attempt to remain focused for the entirety of this class.

16:59: Notes scrawled while sitting in class:

-Oh my gosh i should just leave, eh?

-Sensory transduction

-Feel focus fading fast

-Reading Megan’s Liveblog in class via phone

-Need to go pee anyways

-Gonna leave after another ~30ish minutes, I think... That’s a “healthy medium,” right? Have I FAILED MYSELF? Ha ha. Na.

-Just gotta rly catch up on these lectures

-Three other people left, thought, “three down,” classroom seems only 1/2 full since first day of class

-Jeez I gotta pee I’m so leaving gosh I’m so bad I’m so behind in this class anyways but all the lectures are recorded so I think I’ll be fine...

17:12: Couldn’t do it. That’s right, folks. I’ve “thrown in the towel.” Feel free to beat on my lazy dumb rump, just come up to me and backhand smack me across the face. Don’t be afraid to knock a few teeth loose, it’s been a long time coming.

I am feeling “vaguely adventurous,” though, I’m going to use one of the bathrooms in the Leacock/Arts building underground tunnel that I almost never use; last time I used it was when I did the all day full reading of Milton’s Paradise Lost like almost a full year ago. That was really life changing, I don’t think the professor is doing it again this year, but I hope I can get an invite to Miltonmas again?

(You’re wondering what Miltonmas is. It’s hosted by the resident Milton expert professor here at McGill, and it’s this get together on Milton’s birthday, which always falls nicely and coincidentally near holiday break. I went last year and it was, like, super fun. Not very Milton-themed though, just a lot of wine, a lot of English students, and then at the end of the night there was caroling. Now you know what Miltonmas is, you’re welcome.)

UPDATE: used the bathroom. They had one of those newfangled Dyson Airblade V dryers that I always go crazy for (”Now 30% quieter & costs 69% less to run than other hand dryers. Free 5 year warranty available.”), though not as crazy as those Airblade dB ones you shove your hands down vertically into.

Check this bad boy out:

Bumped into one of the volunteers for the community piano program I help coordinate and he said he was about to take an organic chem midterm and I made an exaggeratedly concerned facial expression, then said, “good luck, man.” He responded, “see you” a few seconds later after I had already walked away a bit, and I spun around again said, “yea, see you soon,” then continued walking home.

17:28: Y’all won’t even believe the kind of shenanigans I’m about to get myself into. Guess what I’m about to do? Take your wildest, I can almost guarantee you’re gonna be so so off the mark.

I’m getting grocery store sushi.

That’s right, I, George, a simple peon, am treating myself to TWO meals out in ONE day. I have no idea why I’m doing this. I was just walking home and my brain said, “you know what’d be good? Cheap, cold, bad grocery store sushi. Go get it, go, fetch, you dog, fetch for me, I want it.”

18:05: Ate the sushi while watching videos of people preparing sushi on YouTube. It was extremely unsatisfying and tremendously filling to the point where I regret even buying it. I should have known better. Filing this one in another one of “today’s failures,” and in the entire-orders-of-magnitude larger folder of “my life’s failures.” Shoot.

#liveblog #blog #writing

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