#I am very grateful that I have so many people that I have relied on these past few years

[johndonneswife]

someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck

[snallavanta]

hi friends. it's only been one day since i finished young royals and life feels so meh already. what even is the meaning of life. seems stupid that i have to work everyday for the rest of my life until i die. where are the joys of life. i need to feel something. let me feel anything

[ibyul]

Accepting help is so difficult and maybe that is a lesson that I’m supposed to learn from all this but I still can’t. I feel so extremely guilty. For the past few years it feels like All I’ve been doing is accepting help from people and not being able to repay them it sucks

[loonylesbian]

ok i am very much so not a writer, or at least not creatively. but i had this idea and i couldn’t get it out of my head so i decided to write it out. it ended up being 6.1k words so feel free to not finish it cause i’m sure it’s not good. however if you do read the entire thing i hope you like it and don’t clown on me too hard. long story short either you’re welcome for this or i’m sorry for this. there is no inbetween

naked in manhattan // k. martin

10 years ago

“Kate can you believe it! We’re starting high school!!!” you scream, hugging your best friend on the last day of summer. If you were being totally honest, you were nervous never being good at making friends, always relying on Kate for that. Her being so outgoing and friendly, it’s not that you weren’t nice, you really were, if anyone asked Kate would say that you’re the sweetest person she’s ever met, you were just shy. Talking to just about anyone made you nervous, in fact, you had a short list of people who didn’t make you nervous.

“I know! It’s gonna be great, I’m gonna do my best in basketball and volleyball, and you, my little genius, are gonna be the best in every class, and make tons of new friends,” she reassured you as if she could feel the nerves radiating off of you in waves. You were grateful for that, she had always been able to know exactly what you were feeling and how to help, even if you didn’t. It was one of your favorite things about her, sure there were too many things you loved about her to count, but that was one of your absolute favorites.

“I promise I’m gonna do my best to make it to each and every single game of yours,” you told her holding up your pinky while looking up at her, she giggled and interlocked her pinky with yours in a pinky promise, something you have insisted on doing since you met. You swore that it was more real than a regular promise, and made it to where the universe let the promise happen, not just the people involved.

“Well if it’s a pinky promise, I know you're never gonna miss a game,” she replied with a smile reserved just for you.

7 years ago

So far your promise had held, not without some struggle, but you had still attended every game Kate had for both sports she played, and just about every other game she just wanted to watch. There were a few games where you were late because of your job, studying, or other things that had gotten in the way, and the two times where you sat as far away from everyone else as humanly possible because you didn’t want to get them sick but also didn’t want to miss Kate’s game, but for the most part you sat right at the front to cheer on your best friend.

After the game tonight you guys were gonna have a sleepover as tradition for Friday night games, whether it resulted in a win or a loss. Either way, you usually ended up in her arms bringing her comfort, whether that be her knowing that she deserves it because she played well and won to bring her down from that high or wishing she had done things differently to change that loss and you reassuring her that it wasn’t all her fault, because as far as your were concerned basketball was a team sport and a loss couldn’t hang solely on one person's shoulders. After all, you were her number one supporter, never failing to let her know how proud of her you are and how much you love her no matter how she feels. You made everything feel okay for her, but it was the least you could do, afterall she did that and more for you.

when i sing that lana song it makes you cry

On the drive back to her house listening to the radio, she couldn’t help but look at you as much as she could without crashing the car. She couldn't help but feeling like she was was really listening to the song for the first time as you were singing along to “Young and Beautiful” by Lana Del Ray. She didn’t quite know what it was but when she looked at you and listened to you singing she couldn't help but feel her heart race and her body flush, she swore she could listen to you forever. Had someone told her in that moment she would never get to hear you sing like that, she would swear she’d cry And if anyone asked, she would tell them she liked girls, it wasn’t like it was a secret, and she’s had crushes before, she knows what it feels like. But she never thought she would have a crush on you, purely because you were her best friend, she couldn’t do that, it could ruin your friendship. That wasn't something she was willing, or at least wanted, to risk. A friendship that you've had since kindergarten, although now that she thought about it, it was basically a lesbian right of passage to fall in love with your best friend and-

mean girls we watch every night, and we both have a crush on regina george

“So wanna watch Mean Girls?” you ask abruptly interrupting her thoughts. Truth be told she’s glad that you did, it was probably best that she didn’t dwell on those thoughts for too long. Little did she know she wasn’t the only one who wasn’t having completely friendly thoughts about the other. She was just the only one who wasn’t in total denial about liking girls in the first place.

“Obviously. As if we would watch anything else first,” she replies with a scoff as if it were crazy for you to even ask. Although, to be fair it was crazy of you to ask because that was the first movie you watched anytime you had a sleepover, and it had been that way for years.

“Sorry. Sorry. I forgot you had a crush on Regina George,” you said with a small chuckle, brushing off the twinge of pain you felt at the idea of Kate having a crush on anyone else, even if it was a fictional character from a movie. Because why would you be sad or jealous about that? She was just your best friend, right?

Kate flushed even more red at this comment if that were possible with the combination of the game she had just played and watching you. Even though it was chilly outside and in the car, in that moment it felt like it was 100°. She wasn’t sure if it was nerves or joy that was causing her to feel that way, but she did. In that moment life was perfect, the chill in the air, the rain falling around the car they sat in, the now soft music coming from the speakers, and most importantly you. She wished she could stay in that moment forever, just taking you in, stuck in that perfect moment forever. She let out a slightly nervous chuckle, lightly biting her lip, before she replied, not wanting to break the peace she felt.

“Okay, okay, don’t act like you don’t have a crush on her too. I know you have a thing for blondes.” She finally lets out trying to wave you off and ignore her pounding heartbeat, all while trying to steal another glance at you. What she doesn’t notice, however, is your face flushing or your fists clenching when she says that as if she uncovered a deep dark secret, that you hadn’t told anybody. And to be fair that’s exactly how you felt, you did have a crush on this mean girl and you did have a thing for blondes, but you hadn’t quite come to terms with that yourself, let alone talk to anybody about it. So if anyone asked, the blondes you had a thing for were blonde guys, but you were hoping nobody would ask. Even if that person was Kate, your best friend.

And you didn’t notice her grip on the steering wheel tighten a little bit, waiting for a response. Hoping you would do or say anything to acknowledge what she had said, telling her she was right or wrong, waving her off altogether, laughing. She waited for any acknowledgment of what she had said for the rest of the ride home, but it never came. Instead, you changed the subject all together after sitting in silence for a few minutes. You hoped she didn’t notice that, but she did.

And so you followed your typical Friday night game routine, going to her house, watching Mean Girls, finding yourselves tangled up together but never acknowledging it, and then turning on some other random show or movie before falling asleep. Still in each other's arms. Still, just best friends.

6 years ago

Today was the day, the last full day before your crush best friend was leaving you. Ok well not you per se, but she was leaving. And yes you were also going to leave and go even farther in a few weeks, but that’s beside the point. It still felt like she was leaving you and it just didn’t feel right. You couldn’t exactly put into words how or why you felt so badly about it, but you did. Maybe the fact that you had never been apart for longer than a week played a part in it. Sure, you were both gonna go off and hopefully live your dreams, but it just didn’t feel right to do that away from each other. However, she was going to Iowa and you were going to New York and there's nothing you could do to change that now. And you did genuinely think about going to Iowa instead, but New York was your dream, so when you got into culinary school there you decided to go. You knew you loved it and you knew that New York was a great place to start, not to get started on the fact that it could take you literally anywhere you wanted to go. That didn’t make the decision any less painful though.

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” you whispered in Kate’s ear giving her a hug. You honestly don’t know why you’re saying it right now, it’s not like she's leaving right this second, but you still need to say it, and you’ll probably say it about 1,000 more times before you actually have to say goodbye in the morning after your final Friday night sleepover, even if it didn’t follow a game you guys have grown into the habit of doing this almost every Friday night. She squeezes you tighter if possible when she hears this, trying to burn that moment into her memory, knowing she loves you but it’s too late to do anything about it now, at least not anything serious. It wouldn’t be fair to either of you, to admit her feelings for you after years of friendship less than 24 hours before you guys go to different states for college. It would be cruel, and she told herself it would almost be more cruel if you felt the same way about her. She knew that you came to terms with being queer, at least enough to admit it to her and yourself, what she didn’t know is that a big part of that was you coming to terms with being in love with her. But still, it was too late and she had to let that be.

“I’m gonna miss you too,” Kate said with a big sigh before releasing you, muttering a quick “more than you could know,” under her breath, hoping you didn’t hear. Happy when you showed no indication of hearing the last part.

“But we still have a whole afternoon/night to do all of our favorite things together before I leave. And we can go get our favorite breakfast in the morning,” she said with a more upbeat tone, poking your sides slightly, trying to lighten your spirits too. Slightly succeeding when she saw you perk up a little, putting a small smile on her face.

“Okay, okay, so what do you say to popcorn, Mean Girls, and a bunch of candy?” you asked, slightly mimicking her accent. She replies with an eager nod. Grabbing your hand and pulling you to her room after making a pit stop for the snacks, failing to notice the blush that covered your cheeks. You simply follow her rushed pace, happy you decided to wear sweats and a tank top, as opposed to something like jeans to lounge around in.

By the time you were about halfway through the movie, you found yourself wrapped in her arms, like usual. But for some reason not knowing when you’ll see her again after this, and the cheesy high school coming-of-age movie in the background made you a little more confident. Not super confident to where you would outright tell Kate that you’re in love with her, but confident enough to try and hint at something, which is more than you’d ever been willing to do with anyone else. So that’s what you do. Especially after spending years denying your feelings, and almost a whole extra year hiding them.

“You know what sucks,” you start off looking up at her waiting for any kind of acknowledgment. She finally looks down at you with a light “Hmm?”

“I’m about to go to college and I haven’t even had my first kiss,” you say unable to stop your eyes from glancing down to her lips. This statement took her off guard, sure, you had never talked about anyone, guys or girls, but you’re you and she figured you had your first kiss and in your typical shy fashion, you just hadn't wanted to bring it up.

“What? No way!” she says laughing a little only realizing her mistake when she saw your face drop.

“No no no, I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t get how you of all people haven’t had your first kiss yet!” she exclaims “I mean you’re literally perfect, you’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’re funny, you’re a great cook, I mean you're my favorite person in the world. I just don’t get how no one’s kissed you yet!” she finished off her little rant with a small huff.

“Well no one’s wanted to,” you mumble looking down a little bit, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden.

“That’s not true,” she mumbles quieter now than she had been before, suddenly feeling almost as shy as you while taking you off guard. It was pretty obvious what she meant, no hidden meaning laced in with her words, unable to pick her gaze back up to your eyes once they dropped down to your lips.

“I mean would you?” you question with a little more confidence once you notice where she's looking. You can’t help but follow her lead and look down to her lips, before going back up to her eyes, even though she still wasn’t looking.

touch me baby, put your lips on mine

“It doesn’t have to be weird or anything, it's just you’re my best friend, and I’ve never kissed anyone, and you’re leaving tomorrow and I don’t want to go to college without at least having my first kiss,” you kind of spit out hoping you don’t sound pathetic or desperate, or make her want to kick you out.

“Would you want me to?” she questions back, already knowing your answer but just wanting to ask to know that you were sure.

“Yeah, I’d like that” You rush out in a kind of whisper to her nodding, so she nods back to you. You can both tell that you’re nervous, each for different reasons. All it takes for you to start leaning into each other is locking your eyes again. In that moment she looks like an angel, with the soft glow of the lamp making her hair look even more golden than usual, to the way she was looking at you, not to mention how you felt about the grip she had on you. You barely even had time to actually look at her before her lips crashed onto yours. And that’s exactly what it felt like in that moment, like waves crashing onto cliffs, a completely overwhelming feeling, yet still, it brought you a newfound sense of peace. She pulled you as close to her as possible, knowing that this may be the only time you get to do this, not wanting to be even an inch away from you. At this point you were basically straddling her while she was leaning up against her headboard, both wanting nothing more than to be together, knowing you couldn’t.

You had never kissed anyone before but thought to yourself that in that moment that if this is what it is like you never wanted to stop. Kate had kissed people before, and you knew that, but what you didn’t know was that none of those felt anything like with you. They couldn’t compare. Not by a long shot. If she didn’t know how much she loved you before, she definitely knew now. The only issue is that she knows this, it’s gonna make it even harder to leave you in the morning.

By the time you guys pull away breathless from a mixture of kissing, nerves, and giddiness, you can’t help but feel at peace, resting your foreheads against each other’s. Sure you knew that nothing could come of this, that nothing would come of this, at least not right now. But you were happy. Happy that you got to show her how much you love her in one small way, one new way. Happy that you got to know her, and happy that she felt the same way about you. Even if you guys didn’t necessarily talk about it, or say outright say it, you both knew that was always one of the best things about your friendship, you didn’t have to actually talk in order to communicate and get your point across, and even when you did need words you didn’t need many of them.

So when you guys make eye contact again you come to a silent agreement, you have that night, and the next morning to talk if you want. You know you love each other, but also that there's realistically nothing you can do for you to start a relationship at that moment and have it work out. Not when you were about to be nearly 1,000 miles apart. It wasn’t right to risk it. And you both know that you’re too important to each other to risk your friendship, especially when almost all of the circumstances are pointing to it not working out. So, you have that night, after that, you’re friends again, maybe not even best friends, and if it works out you can be together in the future when you can be closer. But for the time being this is for the best, this is safe.

April 2024 || Present Day

It had been years since you and Kate had last seen each other properly, there were brief passings when you were both in your hometown that resulted in short conversations, but you were both barely there, you less than her, and when you were your family made sure you never went longer than 20 minutes without them other than to let you sleep. You had stuck to being friends, not best friends, just friends. Never talking about that night, your last night together. Not wanting to risk it, not yet. Other than that, you guys have managed to text each other occasionally to check-in. Keeping each other updated on your lives, but not close. It was as if you had both come to the understanding that you should keep a certain level of distance so as not to ruin what you had. Knowing that if you talked more, you would’ve talked about what could have been more. And you just couldn’t risk it.

id love if you knew you were on my mind, constant like cicadas in the summertime

That’s not to say that you didn’t keep an eye on her and her basketball. You had been her #1 fan since day one, and even if you didn’t talk or see each other as much as you used to, you wouldn’t let that change. You still felt the exact same way when you thought about her, even if you tried not to. Even when you knew you shouldn’t. You just couldn’t stop thinking about her. While you obviously couldn’t go to all of her games anymore, you still watched every single one, even when you were at work during them you would try to either watch it on your phone or record it and watch it when you got home later. You even managed to take off work for both the Final Four and the Finals this year to watch her and her team, even if you didn’t make it in person, you still had to watch the games live. And once you heard that she had declared for the WNBA draft you had to get a ticket for that, it was perfect, it was in Brooklyn so you didn’t have to travel more than taking the subway. And this time you told yourself that you would talk to her, not go up to her at the draft but you would text her and let her know that you were gonna be there if she wanted to meet up after, or at any point while she was in town. You would make an effort to see her. You really didn’t know when the next time you’d get the chance to see her again would be, it’s been so long since the last time, partially due to schedule, partially due to nerves, and you were about to move across the country to Las Vegas for a new job. You figured it was now or never, and you really hoped you would get the chance to see her so you could get her out of your mind.

You knew you had to try. Try to talk to her, try to see her, try something. You couldn’t stand it anymore, constantly thinking about her, you needed closure, even if there wasn’t necessarily anything to get closure about. You still had to try. So even though you had grown up a lot in the past six years, you had learned to start a conversation instead of stuttering your way through when someone came up to you, gotten more friends, and most importantly gained confidence and figured out a pretty good idea of who you were. You were nowhere near as shy as you used to be, but still the mere idea of Kate brought back butterflies that made you feel like you were in high school again. Frankly, the feeling had to be classified as something stronger than butterflies. So obviously the idea of calling her went out the window for you, you figured she was so busy anyway that she probably wouldn't answer, and you told yourself that if she chose not to answer a text it would hurt less than not answering a call. And after a lot of thinking and rewriting, you finally sent her the text.

“Hey Kate, I heard you’re gonna be in town for the draft and I know you’re probably busy but I would love to see you. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been keeping up with your games, I’m so proud of you, still your #1 fan, and can’t wait to see where you go. I’m gonna be at the draft rooting for you, just like I have been every step of the way even when I couldn’t physically be there. So if you wanna meet up after the draft or at any point while you’re in town let me know.”

Once you hit send you waited, and waited, and waited. Once it hit six hours with no response you figured you weren’t going to get one. Now that you had sent it, you realized that it was more nerve-wracking to sit and wait for the possibility of a response than to try and figure out what to say and hit send. Every possible reaction she could have had to your text was running through your head, well not every one, just every bad one. You didn’t know what she was thinking, or how she thought anymore, and that was terrifying to you. The nerves were so bad that to anyone watching you probably looked like a mess, flushed cheeks, sweaty, a little hunched over, and very clearly looking nauseous. But you were fine, it was no big deal.

You lied to yourself, it still hurt that you didn’t get an answer, but still decided to go to the draft anyway. Even if she didn’t want to see you, you still wanted to support her, figuring it was a big event and the chance of you seeing each other let alone talking were slim to none. You could go and didn’t have to talk if she didn’t want to. Plus you didn’t want to waste your money after you already bought the ticket and more than anything you wanted to support her, she was your first friend, your best friend, so far your most important friend, and now she's about to be a professional basketball player. You had to be there to see it come full circle, after spending the better part of ten years being able to count the number of her games you hadn’t seen on one hand, and saying you were her #1 fan, you just couldn’t miss it. Not for you, and certainly not for her.

By the time you had actually gotten to the draft and it started you were so focused on listening for Kate or her name, you couldn’t focus on anything else. You couldn’t hear anything that wasn’t related to her. You were confident that she was going to get drafted, but there was still a “what if” sitting in the back of your mind knowing your heart would break for her if she didn’t, maybe more than hers. Then you heard it, “With the 18th pick in the 2024 WNBA Draft, The Las Vegas Aces select Kate Martin, University of Iowa.” you were so focused on her getting on a team that you didn’t think of the city she might end up in. You wish you could hit rewind when you heard it, almost not believing it. She got drafted to the Las Vegas Aces, you would be in the same city for the first time in 6 years. There could be a chance of you guys actually happening. Of course, she still had to go through training camp and make the roster before she was officially on the team, but you have no doubt that that’s going to be the easy part compared to everything else that it took to get to that moment. Not to mention text you back. When you’re finally able to focus again, there have been a few more picks you decide to go on your phone and check Twitter to see what they are saying about the draft. What you didn't expect to see when you opened your phone, however, was a message from Kate.

🏀Kate 🏀

“Hey, sorry I didn’t see your message or get back to you earlier! I’m so happy that my #1 fan came to support me just like you have been all these years. It means the absolute world to me to know that you came here for me tonight because I wasn’t even sure I was gonna make it. I haven’t been on my phone like at all today, but I’d love if you’d come celebrate with me and my friends tonight? It only feels right that you’re there, you’ve been there for pretty much everything else already, you should be there to celebrate now too.”

When you read the text you could’ve sworn your stomach quite literally did flips, while a giddy feeling erupted through your body, even releasing a small, relieved, laugh. At this point, the last thing you were expecting was to get a response, at most expecting to go to a bar close to your apartment for a drink or two, if you were feeling frisky. But upon seeing her text, you decided “Why not?” and decided to respond.

“Yeah of course I’d love to celebrate with you and your friends!! You deserve it after all the hard work you put in to get here. Just send me the time and place and I’ll meet you there.”

You tried to keep your response short and sweet, not trying to read too much into what she said or trying to seem too eager. Although, you were quite excited to actually see her and have the opportunity to talk to her again. You figured it wasn’t guaranteed that you were even going to talk more than a simple greeting, let alone that she would want to talk about what happened the last time you spent any substantial amount of time together. Hell, you weren’t even sure you’d stay longer than half an hour. But before you could dwell on it too long, you got a response, with nothing more than an address and a time.

//

By the time you show up, which is 20 minutes late due to nerves alone, you are sure Kate had forgotten that she had even invited you. What you hadn’t expected was for everyone to automatically know who you were, greeting you excitedly. You thought at most one, maybe two people would vaguely know who you were, but you didn’t expect all of your friends to recognize you and know pretty much everything about you. Including things you were pretty sure you hadn’t told Kate when you would catch up.

But that’s exactly what happened, all of her teammates knew who you were, Jada, Gabbie, and Caitlin, even people she barely knew. Never in a million years did you think that she could possibly talk about you that much. You didn’t think there could possibly be that much for someone to talk about regarding you, let alone that anyone would want to, especially after 6 years of limited communication. Yet it warmed your heart, it made you happier than you had been in a long time, to know that she talked about you, that she cared about you enough to talk about you that much. Jada went as far as to say,

“We finally get to meet you after her nonstop talking about you for I don’t even know how long. We were starting to think Kate made you up,” before giving you a hug in greeting. You could tell from that alone that she was an absolute sweetheart.

new crush, high school love again

By the time you had been able to talk to Kate for any substantial amount of time, it was clear that you both had a few drinks. Neither one of you could help yourselves from embracing each other in a long overdue hug, slightly rocking as she lightly rubbed your back. You couldn’t help but feel like you belong there. You had always felt like you belonged when you were with Kate, fitting together like two puzzle pieces. Like you had wasted time not being there. You never wanted to leave her side again. You didn’t think you could stand it. At that moment, hugging each other again for the first time in you don’t know how long, you both felt like you were in high school again. You knew she still gave you butterflies, but in that moment you could have sworn you fell in love with her all over again.

“I’m so proud of you, I knew you could do it,” you whisper while pulling away from the all-too-long hug. Looking up at her, you were filled with an all-new type of butterfly, a bird maybe. Filled with a sense of joy knowing she was happy to see you, and a sense of contentment knowing that you were going to be in the same city again, for the first time in years. Knowing that you know each other, without really knowing each other. In a sense you know each other, you kept each other updated on the big things, relationships you were in when you talked, basic interests, but you didn’t know what really mattered. You didn’t know the little things, the day-to-day, the highs and the lows, and you missed that. You missed knowing the one thing that made her day unbearable, or the one thing that got her through the day. It was always you, to this day. But she wasn’t willing to tell you that yet. She loved you, and you her, and you both knew that, but you only knew that past tense.

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” she says into your ear sending a shiver down your spine. You had officially fallen even more in love with her than the last time you saw each other, and you barely talked yet. And just like no time had passed, able to see the change in your demeanor, she grabbed you by the hips before looking into your eyes.

“I’m serious y’know? I really wouldn’t be here without you. You made it all worth it,” she pauses, eyes briefly scanning the room. “Every time I felt like I couldn’t do it, you made sure to tell me that I could. You made it clear that you believed in me, but you weren’t ever gonna push me into something I didn’t want. Even when you weren’t there I still thought of you. Thought of what you would say, how you would make everything better. You got me here baby,” she finishes off. Her eyes found their way back to yours while she talked, the intensity of her gaze alone could melt you.

“Even though I wasn’t there I never missed a game. I watched every single one, even if it was just a recording. I'm still your #1 fan, and I can promise to never miss a game of yours in the WNBA now either. I’ll even be at all the home games,” you smile up at her looking to see if she caught onto your words. You can see her trying to figure out what you meant, her eyebrows scrunching up in confusion as she was thinking before a smile eventually broke out on her face.

“What? Are you moving to Vegas?” she asks, her volume growing with each word. She grabbed you by the shoulders before lightly shaking you in disbelief. As if trying to figure out whether or not this was really happening.

“Yeah, I got a job there and I’m moving at the beginning of May,” you say laughing at her clear excitement. To her it felt like she was about to burst, this is what you had been waiting for, this was a sign. It wasn’t planned and neither one of you had any idea it was going to happen, but you were going to be together again.

the rush of slumber party kissing

“I can’t believe it! Are you joking?” she asks looking down at you for any hint of a lie coming from you, but she found none, so she continued. “Like we’re actually going to live in the same city? This is amazing, I can’t believe it.” and then it slips out, she doesn’t mean to say it, but she does, “We could try. Like we could actually be together, for real-” By the time she realizes what she said she was looking at the floor and couldn’t bear to try and meet your gaze. After all, she basically just confessed that she was still in love with you after 6 years of barely seeing or talking to each other.

“Really? You’d want that?” you ask her, grabbing her face and lifting it to meet your eyes. You couldn’t believe she wanted you, after all this time she still wanted you. So you did something Kate never in a million years thought you would’ve done, you kissed her. She wasn’t sure where your confidence had come from whether it had been her basically admitting that she never moved on from you, or the drinks you had, or just simply you growing up and actually being more confident. But she couldn’t think about that now. Now she had you in her arms, for the first time in years. She had you in a way she thought she had missed out on because she waited. And in that moment she knew she wasn’t going to let you go ever again.

[thrill-seeker-vn]

Hello everyone. I have no idea how to start this post, but I want to start it as upfront as possible.

TLDR: My uncles shipped my sick grandmother to my home, and they called me to tell me only after she had already landed... when her visa was expiring very soon. And so obviously 1. My job was to keep her alive, and 2. I had to scrounge up money to send her to her home. It has been a very few stressful months. 

In between this, I hit a slump with writing, and felt very burnt out, as I had no time for it between work, trying to keep my grandmother alive, my own health, and my own business. I wish I could say I worked on Thrill Seeker in this time, but I simply couldn’t. I think a huge part of what was so daunting for me was only having myself to rely on and set the schedules, and in a way it came to be that there were lengths of time nothing could get done because there was simply no time in my life to do it. 

This is not meant to be an excuse as to why I was away from the blog for so long. It is simply what made me realize that I cannot continue alone on this project, as I would then be taunted by how much I would have to do that I would end up not being able to do anything at all. 

I was discussing this project with a friend of mine who has been beside me since I started this project, who I know shares my passion in making games, and who has rooted for me from the beginning. While I’m more interested in the storytelling, she’s incredibly fascinated with coding. During this time, we discussed perhaps making a game together-- but recently we got the opportunity to make that into a reality. 

Thrill Seeker is not ending, but rather, it will be changing format. I am so happy to say my incredible friend, Kismet (@kismet-dev), is going to be joining me to reform Thrill Seeker into a Visual Novel! She is one of my best friends and is the most organized person I know, so no more falling off the face of the Earth for me, because I’ve put a lot more planning into the game and now have someone to hold me to my schedules, too!

I understand that it could be disappointing to hear that I’m switching from an entirely text based format to a VN style. I apologize to anyone who is disappointed by this change. It’s been amazing the support I’ve gotten for this game and how many people have stuck to the project, even when I’ve been so flaky, and I want to thank you for sticking to the project when I haven’t been the most reliable developer. I am so grateful for your kindness to me, for all the people who have sent asks and been interested in my characters and story.

When I first created this project, it was just not a viable option for me to make a visual novel, as there would’ve been no chance I had the opportunity to create art, write, and code it. But creating the art for the game inspired me more than when I only had words to go off of, and many different concepts for the game that I had in mind were simply harder for me to make into reality on twine. Thanks to the absolute angel that is my friend Kismet, I will actually be able to create the vision for the game that I’ve seen in my head for the longest time. She’s an excellent programmer and such a wonderfully organized and hard worker, and I know that I wouldn’t have anyone else by my side as we begin to make games together. 

I will be making some changes to this blog as I make it more cohesive for the VN, but I will also use it as an opportunity to organize this blog for those who are interested in knowing more about the characters, settings, etc. It’s a little unorganized and hard to find certain questions, and I’ll do my best to fix that! Note that this will mean that changes are coming to the characters, and pretty major ones. I know that many of the asks I answered in the past will no longer apply to the story as I’ve changed it, so I will be reforming it quite a lot. However, what will not change is the characters themselves; they will still be gender selectable, and their personalities will still remain similar; but I feel like some of my characterization of them has been shallow, and I’m going to be fixing that. 

The launch of the game as a visual novel, with the first chapter, will be coming in August. Thank you so much for reading all this and I hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

[anshelsgendercrisis]

I appreciate learning from your blogs (both transmasc stuff and Jewish stuff), so if it's not overstepping, I am interested in your thoughts on something. Knowing that the terms Zionism and Zionist are being misused so frequently, I did some introductory reading from a few sources, one of which was the ADL. I've found their Hate Symbols Database helpful in the past, and I was looking into their anti-bias training resources since the school I work for has been failing (spectacularly) at such training. Reading their page on Zionism answered some basic questions, and their Myths and Facts about the ADL page also mentioned that "anti-Zionism equates to antisemitism".

Knowing that you (if I am remembering the specifics correctly, sorry if I'm misremembering) are an anarchist and against the existence of all states (including a Jewish one, thus you have explained you are neither Zionist nor anti-Zionist), I was wondering what your general thoughts are of the ADL's perspective on Zionism, and on the ADL as an organization. I hope this question doesn't come off negatively; I know I'm lacking a lot of knowledge, so I'm very grateful to be corrected on anything I said that's wrong/hurtful/ignorant/naive.

Once I get my recent medical stuff figured out, I look forward to signing up to your Patreon and giving more consistently than here-and-there Kofi donations :)

a little background on the adl: it was founded after the conviction and lynching of leo frank. its original purpose was to pressure media and businesses who engaged in antisemitic discrimination or defamation (hence the name). some of the things they engaged in early on were boycotts, demanding prior review of theater productions to screen for antisemitic content, and pressuring advertisers who relied on antisemitic stereotypes. this was in the time leading up to the holocaust, when violence and discrimination against jews was surging all over the world, so it makes a lot of sense why an organization like this was founded.

in terms of the modern organization, i have mixed feelings. i think their hate symbols database can be helpful, and i think some of the data collection is good as well, but there are a lot of stances they have and statements they've made that i really do not agree with, and some of which i think are harmful. that, for me, is why i don't generally use the adl as a primary or sole source for any news or info. i always double check multiple sources and try to use pages like myjewishlearning for educational things.

the adl is also very explicitly pro israel, as in supportive of the current state and government of israel, which is something i'm very much not. as you mentioned, i am an anarchist so i oppose the concept of states in general, including israel, and i'm also highly critical of the current israeli government.

their page on zionism is...accurate from their point of view, and from a lot of progressive zionists' points of view. but i think it paints a rosy picture of zionism that avoids any of the problematics or history of political zionism, which is just not helpful at this point. they're correct that for most people, zionism means advocating for jewish statehood in eretz yisrael, and that there has absolutely been a sort of "yearning for zion" in the diaspora for hundreds of years. and they are correct that there are many zionists who do not support the current israeli government or who advocate for a two state solution.

i also staunchly disagree that antizionism is in and of itself antisemitism. i think it is an ideology and movement that does very easily and too often fall into antisemitism, just because of the nature of how intertwined the conversation is with jewish identity and the jewish people, and we have seen many examples of this over the past month. however, because of the nebulous nature of the definition of zionism, the definition of antizionism is also going to be nebulous. if someone says "i'm a zionist", unless they elaborate i'm not going to know if i'm talking to someone who thinks that jewish people should be able to live peacefully in eretz yisrael alongside other indigenous people or to someone who wants a sovereign jewish state where jews are the ones in power. if someone says "i'm an antizionist", unless they elaborate i'm not going to know if i'm talking to someone who opposes the current state and government of israel and the occupation or someone who thinks (((zionists))) control the media and the banks and that jewish people as a collective are killing palestinian babies for fun. so for me, the terms "zionism" and "antizionism" are kind of useless unless the person i'm talking to further explains their stance, which means trying to label either zionism or antizionism as entirely inherently Bad is counterintuitive to any goal.

so to wrap this up, for me, an unwillingness to tackle the problematics is why i tend to clash with a lot of zionists and zionist institutions and organizations, and it's why i don't generally trust the adl on anything related to israel without other sources to verify.

[a-d-nox]

pac/pap: how do you shine? what encourages your brilliance?

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: what should you be grateful for this harvest season?

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile one

what makes you shine is that you try your very best to make things work. you see opportunities and you take them. when things aren't working as you'd like after trying your hardest, you try a new direction. you aren't a quitter and that is something that those around you can not ignore.

to continue to glow so bright, make sure that you are acknowledging your sadness and disappointment. cry it out if need be! it takes time and that is okay. be patient with yourself - you will continue to rediscover joy, make new connections, and find satisfaction.

pile two

what makes you shine is your gratitude for the physical things you have and receive. you hold on to things as if they are the most precious and valuable objects in the world. it could be the smallest button and yet you can seem awed by it and recognize the potential value of things that others find useless. you are a rock for many people because you can recognize their value as well.

to continue to glow and brighten your glow, continue relying on your instincts and being mature. take the high road in most instances. take initiative and make the first move where others are involved - by helping others to see their glow, you will increase your glow too. maintain integrity and you will find that others will bask in your brilliance.

pile three

what makes you shine is that you know how to start and restart with grace. you don't get discouraged by a lack of knowledge or experience. you try your best and that is what matters most. you are realistic with who you are - you are authentic and aren't ashamed to make mistakes. you are open to learning and developing new skills - you force on progress over perfection, which is admirable.

to continue to glow as bright, if not brighter than you already do, is to make sure you are acknowledging when you might be getting ahead of yourself. "the devil is in the details" they say, so don't get too focused on the small stuff - a few words said to you or what is done around you is/are not as serious or malicious as you may believe it to be. stick to the facts and all will be well.

[mrs-snape5984]

“As long as I'm with you, I've got a smile on my face…”

“Save your tears, it'll be okay. All I know is you're here with me…” (“Here with me” by D4vd)

Suffering from ME/CFS makes me feel like my whole world is falling apart in front of my eyes. Since I’ve already lost so much joy and so many abilities due to this devastating disease, my continuing loss seems to increase even further.

As some of you might know, do I love to write my own stories about Severus and Julia just as much as I enjoy using my tumblr blog as some kind of journal, whenever I’ve commissioned another artwork. It’s my way of rolling out a red carpet for the artists of Snapedom…it’s my way of honouring them for their talent in their profession. Commissioning those amazing people and letting them make my ideas and fantasies come to life, is my very own manner of coping with my physical and emotional pain.

And now, this coping mechanism seems to crumble into pieces as well as everything else, that I’ve already lost! It hurts me to admit, that my brain fog takes advantage of my capability to create vivid images with my words. My thoughts are getting blurry and chaotic. I’m struggling to find the right words to express my emotions (it’s even worse in my native language German than in English!!)…and this scares me to hell!

My mind was the only place, where I could find some shelter from my infuriating and terrifying reality of losing myself to ME/CFS. What if I forfeit my only - just barely existing- talent now?? How should I flee this nightmare of existence if writing wouldn’t be an option anymore?! How should I express my gratitude towards all those marvellous artists of Snapedom, who are all weaving my emotional comfort blanket with each piece of their art?!?

I don’t want to give up on my writing…and I won’t…even though my pride would probably fade away with each badly written chapter of my fictions…and with each unworthy post on my blog. I must admit, that I’m already acknowledging the loss of quality. 🥺

I found an inspiring poem about the importance of staying resilient, no matter how difficult the hardships of life might become, and I want to share it with you:

"KEEP GOING" (Better known as "DON'T QUIT") by Edgar A. Guest

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and debts are high, And you want to smile but have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest, if you must, but DON'T YOU QUIT!

Life is queer with its twists and turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won if he'd stuck it out, Don't give up though the pace seems slow, You might succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up, When he might captured the victor's cup.

And he learned too late, when the night slipped down, How close he was to the golden crown,

Success is failure turned inside out, The silver tint on clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems afar,

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

My dear @mmad-lover, I can’t stress enough how grateful I am for your dedication to this stunning piece of art and believe me, it was worth every single second of waiting! Paula, I was incredibly touched to hear, that my request seemed to be something special, something personal to you. I can assure you, that, indeed, all of my ideas have a profound meaning to me and I’m glad that you’re such an empathetic person, who sensed that particular importance of your art to me. Your devotion to this drawing is palpable in every single detail, every line of your brushes. You created exactly the mood, that I wished for Severus and Julia. It doesn’t matter that the world is burning to the ground around them, they will always have each other’s backs! Just like I’m relying on Severus for more than 21 years now. Thank you for everything, you precious soul! I’m glad that I met you and I hope, we’ll stay in touch. 🥹

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[ruinofchimera]

People forget or are too young to remember that when Order of the Phoenix first came out, everyone thought Lily was exceptional because she was coming to the defence of some random slimy unpopular kid she didn’t know just because it was the right thing to do. Nobody theorized for a second back in 2003 that they were friends, let alone best friends, because they DIDN’T ACT LIKE IT. She pays no attention to him in that scene because she’s so dialled in to James even at his worst. People theorized that Snape had a distant crush. Obviously JKR wrote it that way in Book 5 to conceal the Snily connection because it needed to be a big mystery reveal in book 7, but that means she needed to make Lily’s behavior - the flicker of amusement and the bantering with James while her friend is assaulted - in the Book 5 scene work retrospectively from a characterization standpoint in The Prince’s Tale. And she makes it work by painting a picture of a shaky friendship that had turned toxic long before the Mudblood incident, and not just because of his Slytherin associations and the threat of the war. He doesn’t understand why she cares about her sister, she puts all the blame on him for them stealing Petunia’s letter. He minimizes the harm Mulciber does, she tells him that he’s supposed to show gratitude to his abuser for drawing the line at murder. We’re not meant to read it as this loving, warm, equal relationship that Snape fucked up in this one moment.

I won’t even bother to hide that your writing hooked me right away. I fervently crave insights from the time when the books were just coming out and people didn’t yet see the whole picture. I find red herring to be a rather delicious literary device, so it’s a pity that I can only imagine how the final twists of the series blew the minds of the audience. Unfortunately, I was still a child at the time, so my brain cells could not yet process the subtleties of the material. Therefore, my judgments were formed after multiple re-readings in adulthood, and by that time, I had been shamelessly robbed of the intrigue.

Many fanon trends take on deeper meaning after you lift the veil of how the material was initially perceived (being misled by the narrator until the very end and all). Taking this into account, it becomes clear where the claims of Lily’s heroism may have come from. Someone in a reblog of my previous post mentioned that even Harry, who held a grudge against Snape, didn’t find the display amusing in the slightest. On the contrary, he was terrified. So even if there was no evidence of Lily and Severus’s friendship to speak of at that time, Lily’s glorification is still dubious to me. But for some people that might be enough to plant the roots of her chivalrous nature.

I see it now. You explained incredibly well why people might have overlooked the red flags in Lily as a friend, given that they didn’t perceive her as more than a mere bystander during the incident. Unfortunately, though, I have very little faith that people still base their opinions on what they read many years ago. I mean, I reread the series just last winter, and I had already forgotten a lot of important details (for example, Lily trying to make Severus feel grateful that James had saved him). And some folk intervene in discussions about Harry Potter when the last time they touched the original material was more than a decade ago? Well, if they seriously rely on their—dare I say—ancient reading, it would be so absurd it would almost be funny. Why am I even surprised? Maybe I’m just jealous of their superior memory.

Whatever. Once again, your meta is a revelation to be reckoned with. I hadn't considered it from this angle before, my critical thinking is almost purring with an enjoyment.

[darcytaylor]

This interview was fun to read! If you have the option of buying it digitally, do it! Having Claudia Jessie be the interviewer to Luke Thompson, it's a dream interview. It was more so a one-on-one chat where they both had questions for each other.

These two clearly get along well because they are similar in a lot of ways. They understand each other in ways that the other Bridgerton cast mates don't, and you can hear the respect they have for one another.

It is clear in this interview that Luke Thompson will be enjoying some much needed time off before season 4 starts filming - now the only question remains is who is going to be the lead. After reading this interview between them, I want them both to be the leads. I can't chose either way. I know that Luke will continue to hone in on who Benedict is as a character (even if the script isn't the greatest), and I know that Claudia will do the same with Eloise.

Claudia is hilarious as always and I love her sarcastic and dry humour. It's the kind of humour I am a sucker for. It's one of the many reasons I find Claudia so charming. In the first page of the interview she joked that it's Luke Newton that she wants to tell things to (she clearly was joking, but it also wasn't meant to be a slight towards Luke Newton) and then joking about how awful of a friend Luke Thompson is by making her do this interview. I love their banter! Very sibling like!

We find out a lot about Claudia in this interview and how grateful she is to be in the position she is today. Being able to act and have it pay her bills. You can also tell she is in a bit of disbelief, that it could all be taken away and she may never get another acting job again. You can tell how humble she is. You can tell how humble both of them are.

One quote that is so relatable to me is when Claudia says "I feel like I belong at home. I belong in my flat, with a book and my dog." - It's very relatable to me, and Luke feels the same about his life. Yay for being introverts!

You can also see the respect that Luke has for Claudia as an actor. Which I think is totally reasonable, since this is the kind of actor she wishes to be, "the kind of actor that people can rely on. I just want to be respected and I want people to be able to count on me... that I won't have any ideas of what I think I deserve." - If that isn't someone that you should be able to respect, I don't know what is. She's humble in a way that most people aren't. She isn't trying to be someone she is not.

Luke wants to be able to do a play with her one day (he believes that Claudia would be great at it). Sign me up for front row tickets if they are ever in a play together!

I'm sure most people watched the Vanity Fair interview of how well Claudia, Nicola, Newton and Thompson know each other. There was one question about Luke Thompson being his own inspiration to start acting. Claudia now understands this because of this interview. I love a full circle moment.

Luke says a beautiful thing about acting and what he has learned. That no one's brilliant on their own. That its both between you and other actors and then you and the audience. Acting is one big exchange and it's weird and magical. I love the way his brain works.

His take on having it be between the actor and the audience kind of forms his idea of how he interacts with roles once they are completed. He hands them over to the fans, letting him detach from them and letting him enjoy it from a distance. I think it's a refreshing take and I'm excited to be handed over his pieces of work when the time comes.

He seems to be preparing (from day one) how he is going to handle being in the spotlight, and I think we will see him handle the rush of fame completely different form all of the other leads. He knows that there will be a lot of exposure on him and he wants to take all of the opportunities that Bridgerton will give him, he wants to take on different roles, he wants to continue acting, but at the same time stay private. He needs to stay private.

But if you take anything away from this interview, know that Luke wants to be tickled conversationally and be stroked literally. ahahahhahahha. I volunteer as tribute!

[nothingenoughao3]

huge fan of Dreams in the Necromancer House! Phenomenal in general, but to be specific, I was very impressed with the pacing and structure of the fic. apologies if you’ve talked about this before, but how DO you structure your longer works? is there a specific outlining process you rely on? I ask because, while I technically *understand* the three act structure, I don’t like “get it.” I can feel when something is paced well but I don’t understand why or how, if that makes sense (and of course as a disclaimer I do understand that there are only guidelines, not hard and fast rules). Anyway, just super interested in your process and would love hear anything you have to say about it! ❤️

Well, first off, thank you for reading that whole damn story! I'm grateful to hear that you enjoyed it, and are curious about how it came to be.

I'd like to note, for people who read this and are not you, that I don't do Read More cuts anymore. I lost a ton of writing on my former blog because the name changed and the Read More links all broke forever. There may be spoilers for "Dreams in the Necromancer House" in this post, although not for the ending! Please keep in mind before you interact with this post! I am immune to spoiler damage but not everyone has this super power.

I had a specific split genre of story in mind. Pacing is strongly affected by what kind of story it is. What's acceptable levels of character-building in a drama will come across as unbearable time-wasting bullshit in a thriller. You can not explain the intricacies of the plot in some styles of horror, and it's more effective that way, but you generally must take the time to explain these things in a mystery, and so on.

"Dreams" is a cosmic horror/romance. Cosmic horror as a genre is driven by plot and relies on extremely vivid world-building (which is why so many of Lovecraft's narrators don't have names--they aren't necessary!). Romance as a genre is driven by character and relies on extremely vivid descriptors of those characters and their immediate physical reality (their bodies, their homes, etc). These seem like they'd contradict each other, but they augment each other if handled correctly.

So, chapter 9 is structured like this:

Dan talks to Matthews and pulls the Moby-Dick prank. Plot-driven, but with a bit of comedy to lighten the overall tone of the story, which has gotten pretty dark.

Matthews consults with Asenath, Derby and Clarke. Entirely plot-driven scene meant to remind the audience of the stakes.

Dan and Herbert get ready for the party, and The Shaving Scene plays out. Character-driven scene, light on plot and heavy on romantic elements.

Dan realizes why Herbert's sneaking off during the parties. Seems like it's plot-driven, but the emphasis on physicality, location descriptors, and the like reveal that this is another character-driven tangent.

Breaking it down like this, we can see that 1 and 2 are cosmic horror-themed, and 3 and 4 are romance-themed. The first half of the chapter provides the reader with a ton of necessary information while sprinkling in Danbert-flavored treats as a reward. The second half is more explicitly about Dan and Herbert's relationship, while continuing to establish what little set-up is still needed for the big opener of the next chapter.

The Shaving Scene is extremely light on plot, and it would be cut from the story if it were a pure cosmic horror tale. But for this kind of split genre, the scene was vital. It gives readers a chance to get to know Herbert and Dan a little better, fall more in love with them (if that's even possible), and incidentally, because it's NOT plot-related, it builds anticipation for the next big plot point at the party. If I've done it right, readers are constantly aware that Dan and Herbert are preparing to go to the party/revelry, that this is a Big Deal, and the reader's going to be worried despite the flirting that things are going to go Very Badly For Them. Then, as Scene 4 plays out, the reader's tricked into thinking the Very Bad Thing is just another relationship misunderstanding--only for Dan's "... oh, boy" to confirm that the Very Bad Things are going to be Very Much Part Of The Plot.

I think readers are smart and can pick up on cues, even if those cues are sometimes absorbed subconsciously (I've done this myself!). I feel like when I'm writing a scene where Dan's cooking food and there's a lot of descriptions of the incidentals in the kitchen, how the weather's been, how heavily he's been smoking, that readers will learn at a certain point that these are cues for "This is a romantic/character-driven part of the story". And if the scene begins with, or features, a ton of flashbacks and history that give it a broader scope that spans decades, then this is probably a cosmic horror scene. (Note that a LOT of Armitage and Asenath's scenes take this approach, and that gives them a different feel from how Dan and Herbert's romantic scenes are framed.)

Also, it was necessary to ease folks into this kind of structure. I feel like the opening four chapters were pretty much about establishing the world I wanted the characters to inhabit--introducing many of the important new cast members, establishing a timeline, bringing in elements that seem small but become hugely important later, etc. At that point, the romantic elements were very light and suggestive and past-tense. The first sex scene in ch. 4 was, primarily, there to let everyone know that yes this is going to be One Of Those Fics where they do in fact bang, they just aren't right now. And it ends with Dan having the same kind of emotional response I wanted from the reader: wistful and sad that they aren't together anymore, unsure of how it's going to be fixed.

(Not to get too parenthetical, but there are many meta-jokes like this in my writing. Like, uh. You know how Dan sometimes is like "I'd rather think about X than Y?" He's leaning on the fourth wall and acknowledging that the story is about to switch from cosmic horror to romance, or vice versa. Now you know.)

After those first few chapters, though, you can pick the story apart and see how romance starts to intrude more on the cosmic horror structure. Ch. 5 is primarily about The Plot, but then there's that bit with Herbert and Dan arguing about the chores and the cat. Ch. 6 opens with Dan talking about Herbert and their dynamic, has a bit about the plot again, and then veers into a long flashback regarding their breakup sex. The end scene with Armitage is comparatively brief. Ch. 7 has some plot elements, but we're getting into heavily character- and relationship-driven subplots interacting with the main plot.

At that point, building suspense becomes easier! If I want to delay the discovery of some element of the mystery, I can throw Herbert and Dan into an argument. And if I want to stop them from getting along too well just yet, I can throw more cosmic trauma their way. And if the story goes full throttle on cosmic horror (like in chs. 10 and 14), then I can throw in elements that raise the stakes by reminding people of the romance--Dan praying to Herbert for help, Herbert admitting that Dan is the cause of all of his insomnia. Those reminders hit so much harder when they're a surprise raising-of-the-stakes.

Now, you may be like "But how do you know when to switch around the structure?" and the answer is vibes.

More specifically, this is why I think writers tell other aspiring writers that they must read stuff in the genre they want to write. Do that and you'll pick up on the vibes of the genre: how much space you're expected to take up on characters, world, plot, theme, and so forth. I can generally rattle off how one should structure a lot of the fiction I'm interested in writing because I read a ton of that shit.

And if you don't have the time for that, I strongly recommend watching movies in the genre you want to write. For example, "Re-Animator" is almost perfectly divided into thirds. The first 35 minutes are character- and world-building and establishing of initial stakes; the middle 40 minutes dramatically raise the stakes and line up all the previously-established elements; and the last 30 minutes is all climax, all the time. The end of the film feels inevitable as it plays out, especially the last scene: there is no other way it could have gone, because nothing has been wasted--everything the movie put down in the beginning, it picked up in the end. That's good stuff, even if we like to laugh at the goofy shit, like Jeff Combs wearing a cat backpack.

The first things I wrote to completion were not short stories or novels, but plays--so I'd also suggest that you could consider a different act structure entirely for your stories, if the three-act structure doesn't feel intuitive for you. The five-act structure worked well enough for Shakespeare. Ancient Greek plays didn't really have acts. You just wrote another play if you wanted to continue the story over another 24 hours! Stuff like the three-act structure are tools, and if the tool doesn't work for you, there are other one available.

I have talked in another ask about how I do outlines and research and references. I relied on the structure of a lot of movies, TV shows, short stories (many of which were not Lovecraft), and board games to inform "Dreams", so for me, drawing pacing ideas from other storytelling styles has worked out pretty well.

It's very late where I am and I'm not entirely sure I've answered your question, and I'm sorry about that. If you have any other questions or need me to clarify something, feel free to send another ask! I appreciate you letting me know that "Dreams" meant something to you.

[zeroaddzero]

Do you know when Bruce started doing the sign requests for songs that aren't his? Seems like it was a big thing during the High Hopes tour? I wish he'd do more covers now. (To be clear I'm not complaining at all about the current tour, and of course I love his own music, but those covers seemed like so much fun and he always looked like he was having such a good time!)

Sorry for the late reply! Just had to check my sources.

Here's what Peter Ames Carlin writes about the signs in his 2012 biography on Bruce:

(I've seen people write that there were "Rosalita" signs at the show when he finally played it, so maybe he just decided to cave.)

Bruce first started having fun with the signs on the 2007-2008 Magic tour, and 'stump the band' became a thing. Little Steven has said he's very grateful for the telepromters providing lyrics (due to each night's random song assortments) but when it came to chords etc. they'd all rely on decades of bar band experience.

Cut to the Wrecking Ball tour, and by the end of it you have half the setlist straight up consisting of homemade scribbled requests! Only on The River tour (2016-2017) did Bruce decide to start reeling it in.

Bruce's current shows have had a very strong theme he wants to center - death, the passing of time, being in the moment - so the setlists have been pretty rigid - though less so than on the first leg of the tour. I've seen people grumble about it, because many got used to sign requests being a big part of the show, but considering most people will only see Bruce and the E Street Band once a tour (if that), I think it's fine that he's not filling his setlist with deep cuts every night. Still, I sure would love to hear Pink Cadillac live.

[queenpiranhadon]

Reverse tropes >:)

So when you encounter an avid Webtoons readers such as myself, you have to wonder what the common tropes in those forms of media would be like when put into context of other characters.

And you've got resurrection, getting back at an ex, your assortment of gay comics and fighting homophobia, but I'm interested in one in particular.

That being the normal girl x famous boy trope - one that I love dearly, but also, something that I think would be even cooler if it was the other way around.

And so, I present, normal boy x famous girl 🤩

In the form of my otps :)

Imagine in a slightly futuristic modern world where a young woman by the name of Sophie Elizabeth Foster is one of the most successful people in the world, bringing society to a whole new level of operating with her extreme intellect through her technology company Moonlark. When she's only 18, she's singlehandedly become the most well known person in the world, and has come to a major roadblock- a virus has taken over her systems- nicknamed the Neverseen, as it was so powerful no one had seen it coming. Sophie needs a break, slipping out from the comforts of her penthouse located on Havenfield street, and makes her way to a beach on the outskirts of the city, where she meets a troubled boy who lives there - in a place joking called "The Shores of Solace" - with a knack for trouble who goes by the name of Keefe.

Annabeth Chase has recently recieved a Nobel Prize, making her way to becoming the most well known architect in all of history. For someone at the ripe age of 17, it's both a significant accomplishment as well as an overwhelming cause of stress. And yet, she knows she can't stop now, she has to be the best, even though she's at the top. Taking on as many projects as she can, she's touring an old aquarium that's meant to be torn down to create room for her next architectural feat - a large tower with the sole purpose of highlighting Ancient Greek culture, something that she holds dear to herself given her own roots. But she's shocked to find a boy there, around her age, with striking sea green eyes- and an infuriating loyalty to the falling apart building - noticing a stubbornness that she sees in herself. Can she get over her pride, and try to see eye to eye?

Being the top doctor in the world is both tiring and exhilarating. Katara knows that, and yet, she's not fulfilled. To become a doctor is a very coveted occupation, one many parents wish upon their children as not only is it impressive, it's flauntable (not a word but who cares). Katara's extremely grateful to her family, but always felt like she didn't belong where she was - she was extremely proud of her talent of course, but it was what everyone expected of her. Women where she came from were always those to rely on when it came to being cared for, a caterer almost. Katara loved helping those who were in need, but it was taxing to always provide, when she never truly received from others. One day, when visiting her local coffee shop, she sees two customers arguing over something menial. She would usually just ignore it and go along her way - she had more important matters to attend to - but things get out of hand and she finds herself in the process of getting her hands burned by a scalding cup of coffee. Thankfully the bartender there comes to her aid, pulling her out of the way with such strength unbefitting for his smaller form. And yet... Katara can't help but feel drawn to him, glimpsing the name Aang on his apron and slips a business card with her contact information she had on hand into his pocket before righting herself and walking away.

Am I right or am I right?????

Should I do more??

[lopez-richter-fangirl]

Starkid innit: the most magical experience

It took me a full day to even begin to know where to start with this post and then took me all day yesterday to type out. Normally to do one of these posts after a show I frantically note down everything I can remember in the interval and as soon as I can afterwards, but I was too overwhelmed by this show to even do that. And thank god so many people filmed so much of the show so I don’t have to rely on memory for all the little things. This will be kind of stream of consciousness thought dump of everything that made this experience so incredible, feat. a lot of Feelings. It’s much too long! Over 2500 words - you’ve been warned!

Looking at all the pictures and videos from the show, it feels surreal that I was there in a way that I don’t think any other shows I’ve gone to have. Maybe because I can’t believe we finally got a full UK Starkid show. Maybe because it was Starkid selling out the fucking London Palladium, twice (and the added production value that came with that). Maybe because we got the concert premiere of new stuff alongside iconic moments included from previous concerts that I’ve watched a hundred times and now got to see live. Whatever it was, I still can’t quite believe it and I’m so grateful I got to be there. And my GOD was luck on my side getting a front row centre seat in that ticket hell 🙏😭

Right from the staple sing-along outside the theatre before the show the excitement was as palpable as you’d expect from a crowd where so many people had been waiting such a long time to see these people live. And I think a lot of Starkid fans but especially international fans have had the feeling of isolation that comes with being a fan of a relatively “niche” group (though their popularity is only growing), so to get to be in a room full of people who understand the references and scream as soon as the opening notes of a song play is the best thing

Starting with tgwdlm feels like an excellent choice being from the show that created a new wave of fans while still catching some of the people who might not be caught up with the newest shows. And I know we had it at jangle ball too but love love getting to see Brian and Meredith be part of the hatchetfield stuff

And having NPMD songs performed live for the first time was just as exciting and special as I was expecting!! Was not expecting HSIKM WITH some OG choreo but I am grateful for it. Jaime messing up the Literal Monster lyrics at the matinee is 100% understandable and I thank her for that because Lauren cracking up at the complete nonsense lyrics she made up was too good. Love the OG choreo there including Lauren grabbing Joey for no reason whatsoever 😌 Slay of Lauren to bring out the Ruth voice too. Jeff gave a killer performance of NPMD and we understood the assignment with the Richie part

And Together 😭 TOGETHER 😭😭 I said that was a song I’d absolutely love but was definitely not at all expecting them to play so I got UNBELIEVABLY excited seeing it on Mere’s playlist and it was EVEN better than I imagined 😭 Angelic!!!! I love women!!!! Seeing their friendship shine through on stage is so special and Lauren supporting Mere through the lyric mess up in the matinee and also her laugh were the cutest things. And then from the front row at the evening show I don’t think I even breathed. They sounded amazing in the OG show but EVEN better now and I truly could not be more grateful to them for putting that on the setlist. A literal dream that I will be thinking about for the rest of my life. I still can’t believe it. AHHHHHH!!!!!!

Happy we got Our Doors are Open cause I love that song!

Jaime singing Harry but dedicated to Nori was very cute and making that a flashlight moment is one of the sillier things we’ve done

So glad Clark got his moment with I Was where we all sat in enraptured silence listening to his magical voice and some never before heard lyrics

I will be so honest and say there was the tiiiiiiiiiniest part of me sad when Joey started introducing Sidekick because I knew that meant my Status Quo hopes were dashed. However had I not seen it at homecoming I probably would have been rooting for Sidekick because it is the better *performance* for Joey, he absolutely owns the stage and it was still a delight to hear it again, and with his continued vocal improvement. Audience participation on point too of course. And when I saw Lauren standing in the wings before he started I knew I could not let myself keep looking over there but shoutout to everyone who did get footage of her being the proudest wife there is

Oh lordddd the Rogues Medley update we’ve been praying for (even if not in the way I expected). I had a feeling that’s what was coming when they started Not Over Yet based on the interview Brian did but to hear that transition into Feast or Famine was crazyyyyyy. Rogues Medley is such an iconic piece of Starkid history and it’s so cool that they gave us that. Fucking of course Brian fucked up the verses in Not Over Yet but he is a master at styling it out and him making Lauren laugh with that song feels like time honoured tradition (okay I’m just thinking of that leaky 2017 performance). First Feast or Famine in concert was so good although Joey and Lauren leaning on each other at EVERY little duet bit… relax babes. And Rogues, I knew if we got it we’d have Lauren doing the harlots and the hussies bit and I still did not adequately prepare myself

Brian calling Meredith wifey in We Got Work to Do was gold. SO so so happy to hear climate change, they did that because I stopped myself from spending a stupid amount of money to go to jangle ball. Still obsessed with Lauren’s little riff. And her moves? HOT. And we LOVE Meredith’s music getting so much love as it SHOULD

The forgotten songs section was hilarious but could have been about 20% shorter Brian was not wrong about them milking that bit Biggest of shout outs to the person who yelled Boy Toy for Lauren to respond “don’t make me do that” and I believe the same person who yelled fucking Airport 4 Birds and had her momentarily stunned. Her rendition of Hideous Creatures was heavenly no joke. Brian doing his soundcheck song did not read so well at the matinee lmao but I personally thought it was perfect. And Lauren joked about the open vibe but genuinely I love that they were confident enough they could do some obscure songs and not have an absolutely dead audience. Can’t believe we got TWO MAMD songs although they really should have let Joey sing Even Though (I know it wouldn’t have been *funny* okay)

What did not need to be even one second shorter was the shirt bit. No notes. Especially Brian trolling Lauren with “roll on the floor like Draco”

Back on top was amazing, they all sounded so good and again, love to see the Ani music getting recognition. And at the evening show I was watching Lauren do the choreo in the wings which was absolutely adorable

What if I now write the entire length of this post just about Granger Danger lol. Didn’t even realise until this post that they had the two OG Starkid couples back to back (at least I’m going off the order of the setlist I saw on twitter I do not actually remember the order lmao) Their whole “brand new song” bit was everything to me, I really could watch them riff off each other for hours. And honestly it was the perfect thing to do KNOWING what the reaction would be to the two of them coming out because what fucking else would they be singing. Apart from the person who genuinely thought we were getting Priceless because they forgot Granger Danger existed, you know who you are. As in my other post, I had said I wouldn’t mind if, as long as I got to see one married Granger Danger live (which I then did), they stopped singing Granger Danger, but that was only if they were getting sick of it and on the condition they did in fact replace it with Priceless. But I will NEVER get sick of watching them do it (even if the heart eyes on stage continue to make me a little sick) and I love that they do still have fun with it. The universal excitement with those opening notes is the best thing. Continuing to say “it gets different” was funnier than it should have been, they are comedians. And how far back she leaned on him at that evening show was truly insane and I thank them for giving me one of my new favourite pics (even if Lauren laughing and Joey’s hand going back to make sure she wouldn’t fall made me want to sobbbbb). 15 years of this song and it’s still getting more iconic and you all know how deeply special it is to me and I’m so happy to have gotten to see it again. King and queen of Starkid for real for real

Corey Show Stoppin Number was CRAZY he killed it

Jaime’s speech before Not Alone was incredibly special and I think Darren would agree that the song actually ended up exactly where it needed to be. But her saying she’s been singing it for 15 years of course had me thinking about the same thing for granger danger which is absolutely not something I was emotionally strong enough for in that moment!!! But blessed to get the beautiful harmonies and as always the audience singing Darren’s parts is the best

Superfriends is ofc so fun and Jeff nailed the Robin parts (unlike someone else there might have done (sorry Joey)). And again, there’s something so nostalgic about seeing it with that classic choreo too

And mashing it up with WANNABE oh my god. I did see someone say they didn’t know why they did that song and I’m like,, do you know how to have fun?? I get it we’re there to hear Starkid songs but this isn’t like a once in a lifetime situation (love that performance but it was a song for them not the audience and they knew it lmao), it’s actually perfect for Starkid. “Friendship never ends” you’re fucking right it doesn’t, 15 years of making stuff with your friends. And I’m being so serious when I say it’s one of my favourite performances they’ve ever done. I also might never get it out of my head and I’m fine with that. The accents? The boys in the back? The dancing? Brian? And then Brian and Joey?? (and ofc the evening performance where Lauren was touching Joey after “if you wanna be my lover” and where he put his hand on her back as she was stepping up on the stage and I once again wanted to sob) It was JOYFUL

And then GBTH as the encore we all knew was coming because no way were they leaving without singing that one. Whatever some people might have to say about it, it is SUCH a special song to hear in a room full of Starkid fans, and especially this version where we sang the beginning. No doubt they couldn’t have imagined performing that song on a stage like this when they were singing it in Studio 1, but it’s so deserved because they’re all absolute superstars. And their friendship and the fun they have onstage together has remained so integral to what makes them work and it never gets any less special to witness. I love that after over a decade of singing this song they STILL get the words wrong and it doesn’t even matter because we’re singing it so loudly. I love the sheer power Lauren radiates every time she sings her part and her happiness when we scream ours. And then I watched her smile looking out at the audience during the train part and I’m just so proud we were part of making this show so incredible for them and proud of them for doing it 😭 Singing happy birthday to Jeff in the middle was really cute too

Also, can’t believe we got to witness the most INSANE shirt pic happen live??!!? A shirt pic in front of a crowd of 2000 people, I keep looking at it and I’m like how is that not photoshopped?? But it’s real!! I was there!! And it’s honestly the most Starkid move of all time to perform their sold out Palladium concerts in matching pyjama shirts. Ngl there was a tiny part of me that didn’t want the matching shirts because I wanted to see the Concert Fits but I didn’t even need to worry because Lauren still came to serve. Hottest girl I’ve ever seen but also just the cutest human. And her hair looked so good too. (Jaime was also serving with the sparkly tights and cowboy boots)

Clearly they’re such a well oiled machine and the show ran SO smoothly that they were ahead of schedule and ended up doing a little more vamping in the evening than at the matinee. Why they chose Together (Lauren and Meredith are “too old” to want solos), Clark’s explanation of I Was originally being a solo (thank god because I felt insane at the matinee thinking ‘I’ve never heard these lyrics before’), even more references to Brian’s lack of solos. But the fuck ups in spite of that rehearsal really are just part of the Starkid charm. We love it, they know we love it, there’s no pressure to make it perfect which means all of us are just having *fun* together. But none of that takes away from how genuinely talented each and every one of them is

I do also think there’s something to be said for Brian and Lauren being the producers. They’ve really been through it all with the company and they know what works and how to serve people’s strengths. And of course we can trust Clark to put together an incredible setlist (yes there was a distinct lack of certain shows but I do think all the songs they did were a really good showcase for them and everyone had an opportunity to shine)

And Lauren of COURSE nailed the choreo for the whole show, it would be impossible for her not to. Honestly cannot reiterate enough how much of a queen she was in every aspect of this show. So fucking proud of her!!!!!!!!!!

And because this post wouldn’t be complete without mention of the M&G, Joey remembering my nameeee bearing in mind this is only the second time I’ve met him in person where he’d actually know me and yes the first time was only 7 months ago but I still don’t know how he recognised me there either. He seemed so proud to remember it too. And I knowww it’s not special to me he just has a good memory for that but the fact is he DOES make you feel special and I love him!! The best man. And I’m glad I got to give them the bracelets I made, Lauren’s reaction to seeing hers said precious angel was the sweetest and I really am trying to be normal about Joey only wearing the one from me (but it said Diane’s dad and was in michigan colours so… I think I nailed it) It was the sweetest thing seeing how many bracelets some of them were wearing during the show though

All this to say I fucking love Starkid and I love the community they’ve created. As soon as I saw the crowd outside the theatre (which was phenomenal!!) I knew it was just gonna be one of those days it was too overwhelming to talk to many people and while the people I did talk to were lovely I think I gave out a grand total of 8 bracelets which is my second biggest regret. But @pazazzalil and @laurenlpz, meeting up with you was like being with old friends even though we hadn’t met in person in 5/6 years. Love you both (and maybe we can actually get seats together next time)

And as one last little note, while it did feel extra special having people who have been with the company for all/the majority of these last 15 years, I have loved seeing the newer Starkids being so proud of their friends 🥺

I don’t know how I’m ever getting over this show. There was no way it was going to be bad with how highly anticipated a UK show was but it went way beyond my expectations. Pure magic. And I really do believe that after that it won’t be long before they’re back here, and I can’t wait

[makingqueerhistory]

hi! I don’t interact much but tysm for everything you do! there’s just something so healing about seeing how much diversity there is in the queer experience, it really helps me feel better to see that there’s no right way to be queer and that we’ve always been here. I know the transphobes are terrible but your work is very appreciated and loved!

Hello! I totally understand. I am just thankful we have so many people who can appreciate the work we do! Unlike a lot of people on social media, this project doesn't rely too much on us selling anything, and just by seeing our work, you are doing exactly what keeps this project going! Both in motivation and in numbers.

On the motivation side, it is just so wonderful to know that people are seeing and learning from the work we do, and it's what keeps me going and grounded a lot of the time. On the numbers side, just having followers is a win; also, whenever you click our links, we get paid a little. So we are very lucky to say that interaction or not, we are so grateful to have you!

More importantly, I am grateful for the emotional support. Very honestly, it is a bit of a perfect storm right now. There has been a lot of exposure to transphobia in my personal life at the same time as I see some people trashing the work I do, then TERFs find a post, and all through this, I am working on an article where transphobia is very present. It can be a little exhausting, and it is hard not to feel that some of it is coming from the fact that I came out as genderfluid and started using my chosen name on here fairly recently. Still, it is so good to know that despite all of that, there are so many great people out there, and the work I do is making a difference.

[shirefantasies]

Hello!! I saw that you're temporarily open for matchup requests so I hope that I'm not too late with this! :) specifically from LOTR please~

I'm female, 5'7", Virgo, ISFP, with stronger preference for males. I have pale skin with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. My wardrobe mostly consists of darker colors, my favorite combos being black with red or pink.

I consider myself empathetic and honest. I am reserved most of the time, only ever talking if someone else initiates the convo, though I can go on and on about my hyperfixations and interests. Like even when I'm with a group of friends, I'd stay quiet most of the time and just listen so I may come across as a bit socially awkward. I've been told I'm a good listener and so I end up being someone many confide in or as someone who becomes stuck in the middle of a conflict. I am a night owl and get easily exhausted or even irritated when I'm out and it's crowded so I definitely need time and space on my own to recharge after a long day. I suppose among love languages, I lean to using words of affirmation. When I do have enough energy, I also like to cook and bake for my family and friends (and get upset if it doesn't end up turning right).

I really like animals, especially big cats, dogs and wolves. My favorite genre of fiction is horror so sharing scary/ghost stories would be my favorite group activity. My sense of humor tends of be on the dry, sarcastic side. My preferred methods of workout are swimming, badminton, and walking. When I get bored, I tend to doodle and hum. I don't consider myself a good singer and I'd only get the confidence to sing in front of others if I was a bit tipsy (I don't drink much, I am so lightweight it's not even funny and if I do, I stick with cocktail or beer).

In video games that involve combat and exploration, I tend to rely on speed and stealth (my footfalls are actually quiet irl too). Among weapons, I prefer using swords (dual wielding, if available), though having a bit of magic would be fun to use too (especially if you can set things on fire) :3

congrats on the 300 followers!

You are not at all! Thank you for waiting between my recovery buffer posts & older matchups! So here we go now love! Your match is…

Legolas!

Some people joke what a funny couple you are due to you both seeming so quiet, but in truth you are drawn to each other’s peace. Legolas is drawn to your gentle presence, the light falls of your steps upon the bank of the river where he meets you, water flowing at your feet. You are not the only one swimming that day, but you cut such a majestic figure as you move gracefully through the water, emerging with illuminated droplets descending from your dark hair. Since that very first moment you stuck in Legolas's heart.

He loves the way you hum as you work, dark skirts swirling about the floor as you swish through the kitchen. A smile plays on his lips as he compliments the work you've let out to cool and you drily tease him about stealing it. Instead, he offers to help hand it out and you are grateful to save your energy. Normally you do not prefer company in the kitchen, but this elf's presence is calming rather than draining. Your motions and his assume a rhythm unbroken by distraction.

He runs into you out in town, smiling at the large dog following at your heels while you carry your basket. You look content as you go to market, purchasing all you need. Catching the way your hand runs wistfully over a small ornately bound book, he finds his feet carrying him to market as well, his hands delving into pockets and being rewarded with the weight of a tiny tome. The following day's trip to your kitchen is met not with wry humor, but wide smiles and sheepish revelations of art. "You may think them the smallest of sketches, but to me I see a connection to this world." "Is that your way of saying you can't draw?" Yet another smile you've drawn from the elven prince. "You've caught me there."

When orcs attack your village, his first thought is to get to you, your hearth and your dog and all your little captures of your surroundings, and let any who dare trifle with it know it has a blade and a bow behind it. Boots thudding lightly as always against dirt, then stone, he arrives outside your home to see you there, a glinting sword swinging in each hand. Grinning, he shakes his head. He should have known. Shooting one of your twin assailants off you, he joins the fray. "Sorry I'm late." "You should be!" You grin back at him. "This party started an hour ago."

This visit has only a few days left. Ignoring that, you climb higher into the tree before you settle, pulling the red-and-black swirled book from your small satchel. Legolas sits in the crook of the tree right below yours. "Shall I read or would you prefer to?" It's as if he can sense your energy, see right through your facade to the highs and lows of your heart. The book in question held some of your favorite ghost stories, old legends and more local frights alike. You joke about the prince being able to handle it, but in the end you know whose voice you would prefer to ring out with it that day.

You are the only one Legolas trusts to saddle up his horse, hand him the bags he'd surreptitiously caught you slipping a copy of your book of horrors into as a memento. He says your name softly as a wish when you stand at his mount's side, catching your nod before he captures your lips with his, motions slow, deliberate as if he would wake up from the dream at any moment. Your name is even more delicious whispered after a kiss. "Wait for me." "Who else would I even look twice at?"

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