#I am very consistent with myself
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some quick jjk eye paintings
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#yuji itadori#nobara kugisaki#yuta okkotsu#gojo satoru#geto suguru#ryoumen sukuna#fanart#jjk fanart#tagging everyone feels like it took longer than the actual painting my god#i believe ive gone on record waxing poetic about how i love lower eyelids and how i could paint them fr hours#so i put my money where my mouth is and thats what i did today . self care :)#i had a cool idea fr gojo where i wanted to do like an abberated effect to show 2 extra sets of eyes#but god it looked cluttered and awful no matter what layer mode i put it on sdgdgjsdg#settled fr chromatic abberation on th irises :')#quickish painting but i am ! happy !#very proud also of the different eye shapes i ws able to achieve while keeping them consistently sized#was worried abt geto there fr a sec#but tbh he turned out to be one of my favs ????? surprised myself#anyway this is my love letter to eye skin <3 i love u lower eyelid folds mwah <3
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can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest
like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!
#me.txt#jjba#i'm going to ramble in tags actually. excuse me#ok. rereading sdc and so confused at the general perception of jotaro and his friends/family. he's not NEARLY as flat or as dickish#i understand that the anime (particularly the dub) tends to slander him but even then he still clearly cares for them! i'm confused#i also understand that a lot of people dig against jotaro and kakyoin as a dynamic because 'they're popular' and that generally disliking#popular things across media is a thing that i've seen consistently everywhere but the discredit to them simply as a DUO and not even as a#pairing is so..... odd..... like they're considered to be a duo that clicks for a reason. i enjoyed them even before i got into the fandom#every time i see someone say jotaro is overrated/dull i take a shot and assume they're an anime-only or only read the manga like once btw#joseph and jotaro also have a neat dynamic and they obviously both love and care for each other. like they're not going to go around loudly#or anything but literally the entirety of the lovers and the prelude to the dio fight IS jotaro being worked up over joseph getting hurt#equally i don't know if it translates to the anime as much but joseph is VERY complimentary when it comes to jotaro. like he sings his#praises so often and reminds everyone that he's his grandson so frequently (d'arby the gamer is a good example of this). either way it's so#peculiar....... there's not enough avdol and jotaro content btw (also in canon) because jotaro obviously looks up to him and avdol jokes#around with him on the occasion they interact after their intro which doesn't start very well. it's very cute#i do think an important thing to note about jotaro's character is how he acts AFTER his intro because he's so drastically different. early#jotaro and later jotaro aren't the same character and i do not mean this in a character development way. excluding the jail incident he's#completely different and probably shouldn't really be taken into account (especially considering the amount of slapstick in araki's intros)#and i think that's really???? what people center on for his character? Which sucks balls bad!#anyways. i could ramble more about this if asked i have so much to say but sigh. jotaro cares so much for his friends and family he's not a#flat fully cold asshole character regardless of whether you watch the anime or ova or read the manga. you just have poor media literacy#i wouldn't recommend watching solely the anime for his character though. the dub also changes a lot so it's... questionable#i love the anime and it's still important for him though. also adds neat stuff. i need to stop myself. i have many thoughts on the matter#jotaro kujo#joseph joestar#noriaki kakyoin#adding in case anyone sees: i am not saying that he is perfect about this. in fact he is very ass about it with jolyne and holly and that's#very important. he also is in fact an asshole sometimes. NOT as much as you guys are making him though!#please don't get me started on how much of a dick etc people make kakyoin to veer away from the 'woobified' characterizations of him#in fact i think that's bad if not worse because it CLAIMS to be in character. hes a prim asshole at times but not that angry or dishevelled
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Having other people rant/infodump to me: Go ahead! I'm always happy to hear your thoughts dude go at it
Ranting/infodumping to other people: If I say more than twenty words they're going to take me out back and shoot me like a lame horse
#very consistent issue I've stumbled across with myself#like yes I also have the burning itch to tell you about band lore and Radiohead's musical ingenious and insects but also I think they ->#will take me to the town square and ridicule me#does anyone else have this issue or am I just out of it??#because I'd really like to try and fix it lol#mel's thoughts
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it feels so…… weird… seeing a cishet dude be so chill with queer themes lmao your soda-in-drag moment, the stevepop of it all, even guys with queers in their friend circles can’t bring themselves to partake sometimes lmao 😭 but it’s cool !! refreshing even sjksksndks this is a /pos statement I promise
Thanks lol! I think it’s cos I’m fairly secure. Sorta. (I’m still prone to compensating for things and being a stupid teen boy, but like, I’m aware of it, at least when I stop to think. Yk I’ll still join in on dick measuring contests, but deep down I’ll know it’s dumb and performative.)
I guess I feel a kinship to queerness. I go to art school where I’m sometimes the only guy in a class of girls, and I’ve been the token straight guy in every friend group I’ve been in since freshman year of high school. Beyond that, growing up I was frequently mistook for a girl- I had long-ish hair (post bowl-cut era 😭) and I’m part Asian, I was pretty androgynous lol. People irl have thought I’m gay, or a trans man on testosterone (I mean fine, I guess I am pretty short and hang with a lot of trans guys.) Hell, I did drag on a dare once, back when I was even more secure. (And I was hot asf in drag lemme tell ya. It felt lousy and it’s definitely not my thing, but man if I had a clone who was a girl-) All this to say, I say I’m straight, but honestly I don’t really know. I like girls a lot, but I have seen a buddy of mine in drag, and lemme tell ya I felt something but I’m not gonna examine that rn lol. Straight just feels comfortable, safe, and it’s good for interacting with folks who ain’t so progressive, so it’s what I’m sticking with…but I’ll admit there’s a gray area.
I relate a lot to the guys in the Outsiders, and irl I like to present myself as a tough, cool, Very Masculine guy. Hell, sometimes I play dumb about stuff because it’s “feminine” and a guy like me shouldn’t know about it. I act a lot like how I write Steve Randle, he’s my guy I like to project on lol. Honestly, I’ve got a fair amount of internalized toxic masculinity. But I think because I know how silly it all is deep down, I can interact with queer themes in art without feeling like I’m not “man enough”. Idk, I suppose it’s an outlet in some ways. Who knows maybe in 2027 I’ll come out as bi or something, but don’t wait up.
idk, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I like exploring queer themes, not because they’re queer necessarily, but because they’re human and I relate to them. And that’s hard not to partake in, y’know?
#rambling#ask#personal stuff#idk if all that’s like…ok for me to say and all but like…it’s just how I see the world at this point yk?#idk if you’ve seen derry girls but the character james maguire is me fr lol#(well i think I���m tougher than him but yk. he’s a guy who’s only friends are girls/queer people)#I worry sometimes about representing things poorly…#but like ig it’s not about representation to me. It’s not about anything. It’s just…expression i reckon#lord I dunno if I’m explaining this very well#For the record I find it interesting that I’m so chill too. There’s definitely a part of my brain that’s confused about that#like- I can’t wear a pink shirt cos that’s girly but I CAN try on heels because I’m bored???#I won’t pierce my ears even tho I wanna cos that’s “feminine” but I’ll write a 40k word fanfic about stevepop?? where’s the consistency??#I have to be the strongest in the room or I get pissy…but I want a girl to hold me?? that doesn’t make sense!#why am I a walking contradiction??#For all I’ve tried to explain it here at the end of the day idk why I am the way I am#I just…am. I wish it made sense but it doesn’t and I guess I gotta live with that lol.#talking about myself#srry ik this is long#ig it’s something I’ve avoided thinking abt much but now that you bring it up I’m…thinking. A lot.#(that’s a /pos thing I like thinking) (usually)
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Not only has 666 become like my favorite fanfic series ever, but it’s helped me learn so much about my own asexuality. Every time you release a new chapter I realize another things about myself and how alastor and I are scarily similar in this. It’s helped me feel kind of seen with me constantly being torn in how I feel about things. I feel less weird and more able to talk about it y’know? The way you write it just clicks for me. You genuinely have made such an impact in how I view sex and myself and I know you’re just like a random person online but thank you so much for your writing 💪
Aw, I'm so glad to hear that! A lot of the process of writing 666 has been similarly an exploration of the various concepts in it for me, so I'm really happy that the topic of aroace sexuality not only feels genuine but also relatable in it. It's kinda funny, because obviously the characters involved are, like, deranged little freaks, but it's because they're deranged little freaks that I'm having so much fun freely writing whatever I want with them, which turned out to leak into feeling very free to write about the aroace aspects as well! Hard to feel self-conscious about writing an ace character when he's also out here, like, eating human flesh and getting electrocuted near to death for the kicks. And all jokes about that aside, the actual acts might be insane, but the underlying emotions are genuine.
So from one random person online to another, thank YOU for reading and I'm really happy to hear that I've brought this bit of joy and introspection to your life! <3
#ask#personal#urlocal-cryptid7#t#I am not the same flavor of aroace as Alastor#but I am DEFINITELY using him to work through my own feelings in many aspects#which is part of why this series is consistently from his POV instead of Vox's tbh#therapizing myself and accidentally therapizing half my readers out here hahaha#aroace#anyway asks like this make me very happy to receive <3
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One of my VERY favourite ideas is when like. Family is supposed to look out for you, in theory, but they don't. And you just get used to that, you look out for yourself, etc. But then you meet the people who have no obligation to look out for you, but consistently choose to, and they pick up the slack you didn't realize was there. And it's just obvious to them. Of course I'd do that, in what world would I not?
#I'm projecting so hard onto the survivors rn#All their families SUCK but they belatedly get so much love from their peers and it's so overwhelming!#'I dont care that people touch me when I dont want them to' 'I care.'#'My personhood has always been second place' 'not to me!!'#'I never live up to what people expect' 'I like you as you are'#'I assume people will turn on me or hurt me' 'if they do I'll kick their ass'#And FINALLY: 'I'm nothing as myself.' 'You're everything to us'#ITS EMOTIONAL HOURS AND ITS ACTUALLY VERY HEALTHY FOR ME TO ENGAGE IN THAT SO EXCUSE ME#Not an art#I am so consistently lucky with the people in my life its drives me insane
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it gets to a point.
#hot take but#that toxic stage never should have happened#yes the girls look amazing and sound amazing and yadda yadda but it wasn’t worth the hate it brought yeji and lia#and all because THAT fandom couldn’t be normal#I’m actually not surprised they’re always like this#cancel all aespa collab stages until mys learn to accept the existence of other ggs#trust the only reason Julie wasn’t dragged is because yeji was easy pickings#I’m already bracing myself for what they will spout about yuna and sullyoon#because they’re never normal about nmixx either#no amount of “aww cute friendship moments” will make mys act civil im telling you now#they will always find a way to hate and that’s so fucking bleak because in reality mys and midzys should be best friends#I am so tired of hearing “itzy flopped” please grow up#and fuck it I’ll say it#ITZY SHOULDNT NEED A PAK/RAK TO BE TREATED WITH BASIC HUMAN DECENCY AND RESPECT#the way I can count positive interactions with mys on the bird app on one hand is very telling#free aespa from mys#and it’s literally so stupid because it ended up getting giselle dragged too??? like do they even like the artists they Stan#when mys learn to handle their fav sharing the spotlight for 5 minutes we can have collab stages again#until then stick to itzy-idle collabs because at least idle’s fans won’t give 5k likes to a tweet calling yeji a backup dancer#I have to remind myself constantly that that fandom consists mostly of 13 year olds and twinks so I don’t start fighting them#wow this was a rant#anyways#stan itzy stan aespa stan talented women fuck the miserable fans!#itzy#yeji#hwang yeji#yeji my love#yuna#shin yuna#superstar shin yuna
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Excited that I can finally share the finalized cover for Sableheart, my upcoming webcomic.
It's about an alien knight who sold his soul to interdimensional demons ending up in the spacefaring future, and fighting for survival in the unfamiliar realm of space as he tries to escape their grasp. He eventually finds it to be a fight for his lost happiness and those he loves as well, as he forges strong bonds with others along the way.
Contains: violence/blood, heavy themes, occasional strong language.
I've made a lot of progress with this project lately and I'm excited to share/launch it when I've got a backlog of pages ready to go. There's drama. There's funny alien demons. There's ace rep. There's existential terror. And a few other things maybe.
#i feel very good about this project and the progress i've made. i feel like i'm finally approaching my creative endeavors 'the right way'#the script progress was going so well that i started worrying about cover art and wanted to have one ready to go#i don't want to talk about how many drafts and composition ideas i went through before finding one that spoke to me LMAO#i wanted this weird artsy looking direction for my covers#weeeee i'm hoping to have it ready to go soonish but i know better than to rush myself too hard these days#what's important is i'm working at a good steady pace which i believe i am. consistency over speed was an important realization#sableheart#oc: arctos#oc: cruxia#wildeart
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Everyday i draw comics and every day i wish i was drawing something else
#the comics arent even bad this is a great comic im working on#i just wanna draw fish tho#i just wanna leisurely finish an illustration#the nature of comics is that u do it in stages so even when it’s a sole artist#because time has passed between each stage#the process feels incomplete and less like a unified vision and more like i am trying to keep a consistency w myself#especially for commercial work where i sometimes wait a very long time between stages#i just want to draw a single picture thats immediately finished and i can be proud of
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I . . . have no idea what quotes are hidden underneath these titles. Like, absolutely zero clue. (I'm definitely the person who set up these posts.) A+ job, Kate.
Titles:
A sad, quiet moment for our girl
Existing readers will know who's speaking!
A new scene referencing another new scene...
Old line, new implications...
When will my reflection show...? (I'll stop)
Reckless, impulsive, 🔥-tempered Will 😅
Catharsis?
Welcome to Closure Town, guys.
#i am clearly very articulate and talented#and also very good at being consistent with the type of ellipses i use#i can't decide if my favourite is 'Catharsis' + Question Mark#or the 'Closure Town' one#i'll be over here making myself laugh and pretending i don't have to go back to work tomorrow bye
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really feeling like drawing right now. not actively, not right this second, but on a deeper level I feel like I could draw if I wanted to which has not been the case for a while. I do want to after I finish running an errand... I need to focus on something else, turn off my brain for a bit
#uuahg#I keep forgetting that I Am actually diagnosed with something and that a lot of the problems I face on a day-to-day come as a direct result#frustrating as shit#I wish it was harder to conceal these things so at the very least people who'd understand would somewhat gravitate towards my general area#and I wouldn't feel as if I were “pulling the rug” self-pathologizing or attention seeking#by making the choice to express what I'm really feeling once in a while#as shitty as that is and as grateful as I am for being able to function it sucks to feel alone & it's worse when it's by choice#granted it's a choice fueled and consistently re-affirmed by mental illness. but it's not an excuse for anything#its something I hold myself to and nobody else. I think it's healthy for people to talk about their problems and I try to encourage it#and I see the hypocrisy 100%. I know everything about this is wrong and unfounded but it's hard when everything you feel contradicts logic#it sucks when you consider yourself to be logical and then have this kinda wrench get thrown into your way of thinking#It gets harder and harder to trust yourself#I reach into my pocket for something to blame and end up touching my own pasty ass thigh because there's a hole in it#single angelic note
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Peter Parker if he got bit by a radioactive sword ☢️🟢⚔️
if I had a nickel for every time I made a Spider-Man au based off a video game, I'd have three nickels, which isn't a lot but it's concerning that it's happened three times. This au is the spidey/final fantasy vii mashup, where Peter becomes the Unreliable Narrator
anyway someone pretty please write this au for me <333 I'll pay you <3333333
bg variants under the cut
the BIGGEST dilemma(s) was figuring out if I should
A) keep the eyes in my art style (no colours, just the highlight), bc ngl it makes him seem more babey (pic 1),,, or
B) add the mako-glow to the eyes so i could be lore-accurate.... also I spent a lot of time!! on colouring in those pixels!!!!! dammit!!!!!!!!! (pic 2) and
C) OF COURSE i was struggling to choose between the white and red backgrounds!!!!! evil me!!!!!!! making difficult creative decisions!!!!!!
i will,,,, try to draw the other peeps as well (mj as tifa and gwen as aerith ,,, mmm yesss esysey yes ssss) but i fear the monkey brain has already died........ i will try tho,,,,,,,,,,
#finally. i drew the little freaky white boy after.... many many months of not drawing him#do you see the little spider :) it's. it's because he's spider-man!! (it's a very ugly spider i forgive you if you can't find it)#bro looks like a kpop idol im literally screaming#dance for us baby boy. honey bee inn that shit. crank that soulja boy. break it til ya make it#listen i have to draw peter in cloud's pretty blue dress sometime otherwise i WILL explode...........#anyway be like me and refuse to draw legs !!!!!! what are lower limbs!!!!???? who cares !!!!!! just run away when confronted by femurs!!!!!#you would not believe how long i had to stare at cloud's arms in order to make sense of them. why are his triceps so fucked up#many times i had to stop myself from jumping into my laptop screen and succumb to the fiery CPU death bc MY GOD....#i am SWEATING..... EURHG#also obviously new colouring/shading thing again.... ough...... consistent art style WHEN#what the fuck do i tag this as???#peter parker#spider man fanart#spider man#ffvii#final fantasy vii#agni and his many many au's number 39874#artoftheagni
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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Daguerreotype of a dashing young police officer with a star badge, c. 1850s
#what is he the fashion police#19th century#1800s#1850s#1850s fashion#19th century fashion#historical fashion#fashion history#men's fashion#menswear#19th century photography#daguerreotype#19th century men#vintage men#kicking myself for not bidding more aggressively the first time this was at auction and ended at a fraction of the current price#but otoh I am happy to boost this reseller who consistently cleans restores and provides high resolution photographs with no watermark#I've bought from him before too and he is very reliable#I do recommend rather than buy it now choose add to watchlist and wait—he usually sends lower offer price to watchers in a day or two
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... it's just hit me that lister describes the bathroom kiss as assault and even when jimmy reassures him that he doesn't see it that way and doesn't have a problem with it, lister refuses to accept that it was anything other than objectively assault
while two days earlier jimmy insisted that a 32-yr-old having sex with lister at age 16 was wrong, despite lister not seeing it that way and not having a problem with it
does that mean that lister took that conversation on board but only as far as "the person on the receiving end of an advance can't accurately assess whether or not it was wrong" and is now equating himself to the woman that took advantage of him . because i will weep
#i am conflicted about the bathroom kiss to an extent#because on the one hand . do not kiss someone without asking dude wtf#but also . the difference in jimmy's response to it compared to the magnet situation which is? relatively similar#w magnet he was 'this is fine'ing his whole way through it and forcing himself to be ok with it and would've likely kept going if—#— lister hadn't interrupted it#whereas in the bathroom he is in an objectively worse mental state & more consistently dissociative despite being sober . yet he actively—#— considers it and almost goes along with it before deciding for Both his and lister's sakes not to#and i think his clarity & consideration there as well as the fact he felt Safe to pull away is meaningful to an extent#because it's one of the only situations this week where he's actually felt & acted on a sense of control over what happens to him#+ lister's immediate reaction being to back off and recognise his being at fault and never once holding it against jimmy#like again . should not have happened do not kiss ppl without asking#but i do find myself viewing it in a very different light to the v comparable magnet situation#anygay i am rambling in tags again when i should be asleep but still#i worry that lister is now viewing himself in the same light as jimmy views the ppl that took advantage of lister#but i Also worry that he is viewing himself as Worse than those ppl bc he can't/won't accept that he was taken advantage of#i do also now kind of want to write a Lister In Therapy oneshot partly just for the catharsis of imagining that boy getting some gd therapy#iwbftreread
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#VENT#VENT TAGS AHEAD !!#so the job is...awful.#i applied for 20-25 hours#they asked if i could do 30#and now theyre pushing me into 40.#i didn't realize that when i agreed to 30 that was NOT binding (i should have known because it wasn't in my job offer. but i am 19 and--#ive never had a job offer letter before. even tho this is just retail)#and i can't adjust my availability for 90 days.#and since i put full availability expecting 25 hours max#now i have FULL 24/7 AVAILABILITY ON FILE for three months at least#and i have no idea what to do because this means i cant commit to any classes coming up for college#but ive been job hubting for months and barely got anything#and if i lose the job i have to move back in with my dad which is almost worse#whats wirse is my leader/boss is so mean. im not saying this lightly#i dont want to get into it but im barely a week in and he's made disrespectful and pushy comments towards me#has basically told me to stay late (which theoretically i cluld say no; but im still on my three months of 'we will fire you if we want to'#and like i said. need the job.#so he told me to stay late knowing i cant really say no#he's given me a frankly absurd amount of work (instock and i get carts filled woth 2-3x their max capacity unorganized and dangerously--#overloaded) and then he pushes me and snaps at me to get it done in an absurdly short timeframe while im still in TRAINING#im afab and present femme as i haven't transitioned irl and he is so ragingly sexist#he often just refers to me and the other girl being trained as 'girl' or 'that girl#and to top it all off#i took this job over a second interview at a place i really liked#because i thought the hours at this olace would be more consistent#nope! full time! surprise!!#and now im kicking myself so fucking hard over it. i feel like i fucked up so hard#and my friend i moved here with has been home for two months and will be this month so im just. alone. and i don't really have anyone to#turn to. im just so very stressed and tired and lonely
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