#I am tired™ and busy™ so this is all I have for now

[candyhearts-drawings]

𝓶𝓮𝓻𝓻𝔂 𝓬𝓱𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓶𝓪𝓼🩷🥂✨️

[zealofchronos]

Hiii!! Today marks the eventful return of Bones Anon. The last thing you wrote for me was absolutely fucking fantastic I still keep going back to read it!!

I see you've been writing a lot of genshin lately but I've never played that game so I am going back to Pokemon.

I want to steal Raihan's big hoodie so fucking bad. I just think it would be so comfy. I know I can buy one irl but I'm a broke bitch™ and it's usually too hot to justify wearing a sweater where I live.

So, if you're willing to write it, perhaps a nice little fic of Raihan discovering his bf enjoys snatching his hoodie? And deciding that he is very willing to go without his signature hoodie just to let him wear it.

Bonus points for fluffy shenanigans w/ Raihan teasing the reader and the reader snarking right back?? Just two smug bastards being smug to eachother (affectionately)

Bonus bonus points if reader is also tall as fuck and the hoodie actually fits them, because I see a whole lot of short reader and I want more rep for my lanky ass!! /j

Anyways thank u in advance I think ur cool as fuck

- 🦴

wahoo !! hello hello, bones anon ! ♡♡

truth be told, i already wrote this a long time ago, a while after i first saw it, but my uploading motivation went down the drain >< i've mostly been lurking on tumblr a lot and reading loads of things, but today i am here to do this ask justice by sifting in my docs and pouring out what you've asked for!

never steal from a dragon, but i'll do it anyway! ;; raihan x male reader

contents ;- fluff , sfw , established romantic relationship , tall reader ! , playful banter , please do not leave the stove unattended while cooking ^^;

proofread by @elvenxwarrior , who made sure the fic was "sufficiently british" ! ♡

Galar was peaceful these days to say the least, with Eternatus being captured and a new champion rising to the throne, there’s a lot that has changed. But it was still all the same, with beautiful days to be lived out, and a multitude of things to do. Be it befriend the Pokemon that were in the wild, or find incredible treasures on a long lasting journey. Or, perhaps, run a gym in a big city.

Morning sun rose over the streets of Hammerlocke, a beautiful city with a brilliant feel. All visitors would marvel at the architecture, from the middle aged stone walls to the historical lineage behind it. But in every city, there are homes- and today, we zoom in on a cosy little den- yours!

After much contemplation, you’ve decided to make a home in this city, for one very obvious reason.

Golden rays peeked through the blinds, day barely beginning but you’re already begging for a few more minutes in. It seems someone could agree, soft snores coming from none other than the city’s gym leader himself- Raihan, who laid next to you. His arms loosely wrapped around your body, holding you close as you could only suffer in silence, succumbing to his comforting grip paired with his almost ridiculous sleeping habits.

Perhaps it was because he dealt with dragons, or because he was always busy with something- be it training, or working out. Maybe he’s tired himself out to the point of dropping dead asleep the moment his head hits the pillow every night, or he’s swallowed too much sand in those sandstorms he conjured up in the stadium ( his mouth was always open, never shut even during those moments- it’s a wonder how he hasn’t gotten any in his lungs by now )… Or perhaps it’s only around you that he finds a moment of peace to just let go of all of his worries and simply enjoy the moment.

You weren’t exactly doing anything- you were merely just another trainer, but you were lucky enough to snatch away the heart of this untamed dragon. Perhaps, you could say that was the first thing you ever stole from him. Because you weren’t about to stop now!

Thanks to Raihan being such a deep sleeper, you easily slipped out of his hold. It was a lazy day today- the gym didn’t have to be open, but it probably wouldn’t stop your energetic boyfriend from rushing over there as soon as he got the chance. So, you decided to take it slow for now, because if it came down to it, you could definitely convince him to just relax for the day.

First matter of the day was simply getting ready, heading straight to the bathroom to take care of yourself. Morning bed hair? Fixed with a quick combing through. Smelly breath? Gone with a simple brush. Clothes?

…Clothes always proved to be the most difficult thing of the morning. What exactly would you wear today? The Hammerlocke City Gym Leader seemed to rub off on you, now taking into account what you’d wear for the day more often than not. Right now, you just stood there in your pyjamas- and that should change really quickly. But what would you wear after?

Returning to your currently shared bedroom, you glanced around as though a new sight might help jog up those brain cells to work a bit better. Well, there was the bare back of your boyfriend, a blanket barely covering him up as he found a pillow to replace your missing warmth. He had such defined muscles, yet you weren’t here to gawk. But the sight alone gave you what you thought was a brilliant idea. Your eyes scanned the room a little further, catching sight of the familiar piece of clothing on the floor of your room.

Raihan’s hoodie.

Oh, this was perhaps his own treasure that nobody has ever seen him without. Well, nobody but you of course. But now it was time for it to be stolen away- It feels just like that one series you saw before, where a group of thieves steal away one’s treasure to change their hearts! But you’re not here to change his heart of course, you’d prefer if his heart stayed yours, as yours remained his.

You spared the sleeping Raihan one last glance before smirking, immediately putting on the nice hoodie after tossing your pyjama shirt off. It fit quite nicely around you, but that was merely because you were just shy of the gym leader’s height. It was a blessing, really, because it meant you didn’t have to get on your tiptoes just to kiss him, or he didn’t have to bend down to an atrociously low level just to meet your eyes. Then again, it’s not like he isn’t used to crouching down- I mean, you’ve seen his battle stance, whenever he gets a little heated in the middle of a match. It’s a little hot, you could say, but since when is he not?

Now, it was time to carry on with your day, singing praises for your beloved boyfriend could come later!

Next came breakfast, and what better breakfast than… well, a big one? It was common for you and your boyfriend to eat your fill. After all, he needed all the energy to get through his day, and to start it all with a nice boost was great! Thankfully, your fridge was stocked with all sorts of things that you both liked, but it seemed today, the flour in your cabinets and eggs in your fridge called for you- the decision was made in your head, it’s time to make waffles! And as if that wasn’t enough, you pulled out the sausages from the freezer, and a few other things to make a not-so-lazy-but-still-kinda-lazy breakfast. At this point, could you even call it that? Oh, who gives a damn.

“ ‘tuuun…” The low rumble of a certain Pokemon sounded from below you, a beloved Appletun- your beloved Appletun, actually. It seems that she finally woke up from her own slumber, coming to check out what you were doing. Fortunately, you had just placed the kettle to brew, or else you might’ve tripped over the poor thing. Having a moment to spare, you decided to give her a little treat, and of course some much deserved pets before continuing to cook away some good breakfast.

It wasn’t until much later when a bunch of delightful smells filled your house did you hear a loud yawn from your room. It was quite obvious who it was, and you could only roll your eyes at how late he woke up. But it’s no matter, you would much prefer it this way, after all. Not long after, you finally heard his footsteps, and it was nice that he decided to actually get up and see you. You could only laugh to yourself over that, looking after a few things in the pan to make sure they didn’t burn.

“Hey, babe, have you seen my hood… ie,” that familiar voice slowly died down as he stepped right into the open space, eyes widening the best they can whilst still somewhat groggy and in much need of some more time with you. “...Stealin’ from me, ay?” A shirtless Raihan questioned, snorting a little as his eyes scanned you up and down. This was quite the unusual sight for him, but it… wasn’t unwelcome at all.

“Yer’ callin’ me a thief? I think you should check who left it lyin’ on my floor,” Your soft laughter filled the air, leaving the stove for a moment to get the hot water into a mug with a tea bag. “Tell ya’ what, I’ll trade you a cup of tea for it, eh, ehhh?” Doing your best to sound convincing, you held out the nice mug of tea to him. It was your favourite mug at that, actually, and you would never use it to serve anyone else. By your right mind, this was a mighty fine trade!

“I dunno… You still took it from me, y’know,” Raihan’s gaze sharpened momentarily, deciding that if anything, he might as well try. I mean, he’s done that a lot, trying despite many fruitless attempts. By many, you could say exactly ten.

“And I’m offerin’ something to you in return! Fair’s fair.”

“No ‘s not.”

“Yes it is.”

It was now a somewhat endless back and forth, both of you repeating the same thing as neither of you wanted to give up. Was it tiring? Not at all. You could do this all day with him. Actually, you probably did this everyday with him, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. After a moment of contemplation, you finally decided to up the deal to something he can’t refuse…

“Fine, a nice cuppa’ aaand… a kiss from yours truly..~” You hummed, wiggling your eyebrows as though that was the best deal you could ever possibly give him. And truth be told, it was. You don’t think there was ever a day that his lips didn’t touch yours, except for the days before you started dating. It was the perfect pick up for him, maybe even better than a cup of tea alone.

“Hmm, you have yourself a convincing trade offer, babe,” Raihan crossed his arms as you slowly approached with your favourite mug in hand. That sweet smile on your face was something he wanted to wipe off, but only in one specific way.

“So? Made up yer’ mind or am I keeping my lips to myself?” You questioned almost impatiently, a hand on your hip as you set the mug down on the countertop nearby. Before you knew it, he had his arms around your waist, coming up oh so close to you.

With his eyes slowly fluttering shut, Raihan leaned in. He’s memorised everything, from how long it takes to get his lips to yours, to how to fit his arms around you.

“Takin’ my kiss first,” He proclaimed right before dipping his head down a little, his lips meeting yours. It was sweet and tender, just like any other time. Sure, he was wild and maybe a little reckless at times, but when you were in his arms, he found a way to let himself soften up a bit. He loved you to bits, after all.

Your arms wound around him in return, savouring the lovely morning you were having. It was a great day already, especially with the delicious view you were having. Soon your hands wandered a little, and you could feel him chuckle against your lips.

“Hands off the merchandise,” his eyes fluttered open with a soft laugh, followed by a mischievous snicker of your own when he swatted away your hands. “Greedy lil’ bugger,” He added, but you both knew that you were his greedy lil’ bugger.

“Oh, you know you love it,” You rolled your eyes, laughter definitely a bit too loud for the morning, but you couldn’t care less.

Raihan grabbed his tea, pretty much gulping it down despite the lack of sugar in it. It was already a bit cold, so there’d be no use in putting in any anyway. “I love it just as much as I like you in that, y’know,” the gym leader commented, eyes sweeping up and down your figure once again in the most obvious manner. He just really wanted you to know that he was checking you out, because goddamn, he’s wondering why he didn’t lend you any of his spare hoodies before this. “Guess I can go without the hoodie for the day.”

“Oh, for real?” Almost amused, you had to just make sure. Raihan simply nodded again, coming up to sneak an arm around your waist once more as he pressed his lips to your head and–

Click!

“Oi–?!” The sound of the shutter going off meant only one thing. Your head turned, whipping around to see Raihan’s Rotom phone flying behind you as it just took a picture. That sneaky lil-

“Aaand posted!” The gym leader chuckled as he dove in once more, pressing another quick kiss to your cheek. “And that’s another two kisses I stole from you, heh,” He snickered away, quietly shutting off any notifications from the post he just uploaded. He’ll deal with people questioning that he’s not single later, when he’s done messing with his lovable boyfriend.

“What the ‘ell!?” You weren’t mad at all, really, but you were really bewildered by the fact that he just did that. You expected many things, but that was not one of them.

“Ha! Look at yer’ face right now..!” He laughed a little more, before pulling out something that his silly brain could come up with. “Don’t be mad now, darling,” he paused, the nickname that he calls you when he likes to tease slipping past his lips. “Just wanted to show the world that I’m not on the market, y’know. Because someone stole my hoodie and… my heart.”

Oh, well, there was another thing you didn’t expect. Sure, you two had your playful little fights every now and then, but Raihan never failed to be smooth when he needed to be, and it always left you a little speechless.

“I… you… wh–”

But before you could actually get any words out, an annoying beep resounded from over the stove. You turned over to check and…

Shit.

Well, there goes breakfast.

Now you had to scramble over and salvage what you can, and being a wee bit of a useless bugger himself, Raihan simply stood there and laughed it off. Oh, he’ll see who’s laughing when you decide to ‘‘steal’’ from him again.

[chrrywvea]

a serotonin boost for today:

✨️imagine married lokius at a christmas market✨️

(or: my brain going haywire at 4 am for these two idiots & leaving me with this half fic half imagine-ramble-story thing)

mobius obsessing over all the little trinket shops

like immediately upon their arrival, he's over the moon

loki detests all the masses of people but nearly melts when he sees how mobius lights up

he does enjoy it later on as well, very much even

sharing mulled wine

butterfly kisses & red cheeks (loki i'm looking at you)

mobius wears the scarf loki made for him for his birthday (personal hc of mine: loki can crochet & knit insanely well)

mistletoes, so many mistletoes

snowflakes in loki's curls make him look even more mesmerising (mobius stop staring please)

mobius gets fairy lights for their apartment

loki shields his tiny husband from all the people bumping into everyone (inspo from the cutest gay couple i saw at the christmas market yesterday thanks guys♡)

they try out all the different food stands together

(since christmas markets tend to have lots of nordic food loki gets to teach mobius about his favourite dishes at home when he was a child)

mobius loves listening to loki anyway, no matter the topic, but hearing him speak so freely of the good aspects of his childhood always warms his heart

they search more quiet spots for breaks when they both get a little overwhelmed

loki sings (though this time only for his husband)

holding hands in each others coat pockets & hand kisses to warm cold skin up

beanies

they try on all the beanies in the whole market (mobius puts them on loki who eventually just surrenders to it)

in the end loki buys them real silly, matching ones (if any artists want to draw this, by all means, go ahead! i'd love that so much but i have zero talent when it comes to drawing)

loki drags mobius to the ice rink, the only thing he's weary of since he's never been ice skating before - but loki is there to help!

he's a pro at it, frosty heritage and stuff

yes i believe frost giants can ice skate really well shush

lots of laughter and banter ensue with mobius attempting to stay upright

the waist hold™ is now reversed to prevent mobius from falling on his butt

but honestly they were gonna be close anyway so

touchy touchy

mobius gets the hang of the whole ice skating ordeal and loki cheers him on when he manages one round around the rink on his own

though he completely rams into loki's back upon his return

when they tire out after a while they get more food, sit around one of the nearby bonfires and cuddle

star gazing when it gets dark & planning for christmas eve

they both sneakily buy gifts for one another when the other's busy with something

mobius gets a little tipsy

too many samples at the liquor shops oops

+ i might add more if anyone likes this but this is what came out for now, enjoy :-D

[melmedarda]

Finally caught up on Arcane (I had finals,alright?) and.......hoo,these motherfuckers are playing with me. It's like they decided that everyone that was having a semblance of a good time in season 1 needed to suffer in season 2. Like, nah,gang. What does Elora have to do with this? She literally caught a stray for minding the business that pays her (which is Mel).

Ekko and Mel......now that was personal. They really gave them the Magical Negro™ treatment and boy, am I tired of it. I hate the narrative of black characters having to sacrifice for people who would not do the same for them. Could you imagine being fucked with by something like the Arcane or LeBlanc for allegedly a year or so,just to immediately go to war the moment you're back in normal surroundings? Do they get a break at all?

Sevika.....maturing is realizing that Vi really had no valid reason to beef with her as intensely as she did. She's another one that caught a stray by proxy. Yeah, she's a Councillor(and my personal Melvika HC is that she's filling Mel's seat while she's in Noxus) now and the leader of Zaun........But at what cost? Knowing that her two adopted kids pretty much died for no real purpose in a war that had nothing to do with them? That she still has to clean up behind Silco despite him being dead? That half of Zaun's youth died in a war on the behalf of those who wouldn't spot at them otherwise? Sevika's trauma is unmatched and no one's talking about that shit.

People claim that Mel got no over the head with the "strong,independent woman who doesn't need a man" trope (and it's a valid claim before anyone jumps on me). However,I'd argue that Sevika is the full blown personification of the trope. Outside of Zaun, she has no real purpose. Sure, she had Jinx and Isha as motivation. But now she's alone and not even wilingly (in season 1, her almost bachelor-esque, solitary lifestyle seemed like a conscious choice on her part for the same of her gig).

We are both free from finals thank heavens! You were wise anon, and didn't watch until after you were done. I, however, did not possess that wisdom (REGRETS).

Also, I have no notes because the same sentiments you have are the same I had. The season treated Arcane's PoC characters so badly this season, it was hit after hit after HIT. Psychological warfare for real. Like, I understand that Arcane is a tragedy, but not even the "happy" endings were happy. The characters we loved and were rooting for were left broken, and a somewhat pitiful echo of who we knew them to be, after having acted in ways that seemed so outside of themselves. And then the tropes over interpersonal relationships we love Arcane so much for..... Yeah. Idk. The art was great though!

Maybe Arcane is about the friends we made along the way.

[solei-eclipse]

Sending this as an ask cause I don't think tumblr is going to let me send this full thing in the reply of your last post:

Your wellbeing is more important than anything else! It's okay if you miss stuff or are too tired to participate when things happen within the community; it's okay if you're not as fixated on Alien Stage anymore; just because you are admittedly seen as one of the bigger ALNST bloggers on Tumblr does NOT mean that you owe anyone anything. That goes for the OC stuff too. Sorry if this is a bit too personal, but we enjoy seeing you around not because of what you can provide but because you’re you, and we just enjoy your presence; it's as simple as that. We love you Para, and we just want you to be okay.

It's not too personal at all, no worries :) in fact, it was really nice to read when I first saw it. thank you for all your reassurances, you have no idea the wonders it did for me.

thank you for your kindness, im genuinely really grateful for all this understanding. there's a lot of stuff that I've been forced to deal with lately and while the current issue is thankfully over, I know another one is bound to pop up soon. It's okay, though! I'll manage, it'll just take some time. I hope you guys can forgive me for going silent on occasion... I'm still here! Just busy.

Honestly I've been a little more comfortable on this sideblog than on shkingpardigm... that blog has a great deal of followers and while I will always be grateful for it, admittedly I've been more cautious. I always worry about saying the wrong thing, haha... (I find I still do very often though) The rapid growth of that blog was both fascinating and startling. Now that it's become bigger, I've been worried about whether or not my passion for ALNST is enough. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get to all the requests and thoughts shared with me over there, but I really hope to answer eventually because I want to honor the time and effort others spent into writing them. It's just been so much lately, and I can barely find the right words anymore. I almost always feel guilty for posting when I haven't answered them yet, especially since I love reading them and am really grateful to receive them.

It's been a little easier on here, where I've been creating my own things and sharing these creations with others, building our things around each other and such. Thank you all for being so wonderful and kind.

I hope this doesn't come off as me being ungrateful. I've been worried about voicing these thoughts for a while because I know how disheartening it may sound. I love ALNST, I love every ask and submission I receive no matter if it's a few short words or entire lengthy essays, and I love sharing thoughts and creations with others. There's just so much I want to do and so little time, so little energy I have left especially with my degrading health. All I can do at this point is ask for patience and forgiveness. Me bones don't work like they used to, youngsters.... arghhh my back.... my scoliosis..... my debts..

Once again, still here! Always will be (menacingly), just don't be too worried if I disappear sometimes!! That's me going out there and fighting the Horrors™. I always feel such a sense of joy and relief when I come back to Tumblr and see everyone's posts and creations (ALNST or OC or anything, really). It's like a reprieve for me, seeing all the new things that have been posted.

Thanks again for all your concern and support, I want you guys to know that I return it tenfold and hope you take care of yourselves as well. All the same applies to you! Take a step back whenever necessary, always prioritize yourself and know that you aren't pressured or expected of anything. You will still be loved and cared for no matter what! Always take your time and do what makes you happy :) <3

[halfetirosie]

🔥🔥🔥 RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU WANT TO COMMIT A MURDER WITH ME!!!! 🔥🔥🔥

(Elysium 04-05 React-os!)

1) Eiden making an excellent point here--

Even in our own world, there's still a lot of stigma around "red light districts" and/or the industries they involve (sex work, alcohol, recreational drug use, etc). While you should always be careful and responsible with these activities, they are not inherently bad!

(I feel like some people might have gotten the wrong idea about my thoughts on these things--specifically, on drug use--from my last post. But please don't misunderstand; I am NOT against any of these things. What I AM against is people deliberately exploiting others using these things, fueling addiction for their own profit. ♡)

2) Dude, of course Kuya put his own essence-infused bracelet into the mix!

Why don't you just properly PROPOSE to him already, you foxy bastard??? (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

It's cute, but also funny that he did this. Like, I imagine that when Kuya saw this bracelet event was happening he knew Eiden would be interested in participating too; and since he's jealous and possessive, he specially added his essence to the bracelet so Eiden would be sure to choose his---thus, not being paired with anyone else!

Kuya is certainly back on his Tsundere Bullshit™!

....And also his Yandere Bullshit™ I guess??? (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

3) Oh no.... Well, SHIT....

Look, I assumed Kuya had to have been involved in starting the Elysium club, but to be involved with the creation of that whack-ass addictive drug????? Bruh.....

Like, that alone wouldn't have bothered me that much, but since we've seen how Reverie addiction is becoming a serious problem [in the Water Territory], I ain't gonna lie, I am not very pleased with the fox right now...

4) SPEAKING OF YANDERE BULLSHIT---

*Hisses in this bitch's general direction*

CREEPY! WEIRDO! BAD VIBES! EW!!!!

What is it with Kuya attracting so many freaks? First the stalker tanuki, and now THIS creature????

5) Hm... I'm guessing Kuya got into this who agreement with Vampire Bitch for the sake of sufficient entertainment---a.k.a sufficient distraction from his long-ass life....

I'm guessing Kuya has gotten tired of the activities that take place here---which might be a good sign, showing that he's more "entertained" by the daily life with the clan? Maybe?

....WAIT......

MORE IMPORTANTLY---WHAT'S THIS THING VAMPIRE BITCH IS SAYING HE "ARRANGED"???

HE BETTER NOT BE REFERRING TO OLIVINE, I SWEAR TO GOD I'MMA THROW HANDS---

6) Oh? Could it be? A Responsible Kuya™???

I am now a bit less upset with Foxy Grandpa! I'm impressed he had the foresight to tell Vampire Bitch not to force the drug onto people.

...Although, the fact that Kuya felt the need to bring this up in conversation could have worrying implications. Like, does that mean he found out that people were being forced to take the drug? 🤔

Either way, I'm glad Kuya is going to cut ties with this shady place.

7) Huh, it seems like Vampire Bitch is REALLy REALLY officially being cut off.

(◔_◔) Dawg, that superficial answer will NOT impress the fox...

I think the answer Kuya was looking for has to do with my theory of what Kuya himself was looking for in Elysium---and also why the word "Dream" is plastered all across this event. He probably wanted to hear something along the lines of, "To escape from reality," "To live in a dream," or hell, "To be happy."

But Vampire Bitch must never have been in this business for these reasons---or maybe he forgot it over the years. Now, he's just corrupt.

8) NOOOOO!!!! I WAS FUCKING RIGHT!!!!!!

THIS

BASTARD

WAS TREATING OLIVINE LIKE AN OBJECT

AND PLANNING TO "GIFT" HIM TO KUYA??????

I AM GOING TO KILL HIM!!!!!!!

,; (ง 🔥 ﾛ 🔥 )ง ;,

Gang. Think about this for a second. He never says he's going to "introduce" Olivine to Kuya. He refers to Olivine as a form of "entertainment" and a "gift."

This BASTARD was trying to PIMP OLIVINE OUT WITHOUT HIS CONSENT.

And why might he think he can do that? What methods do you think this DRUG DEALER might have used to achieve that, hm?????

This is REALLY HELLA BAD.

HOW DARE HE?!?!?!?!?!

*ENRAGED SCREAMING ECHOES INTO THE NIGHT*

🔥 End of report! 🔥

[aparticularbandit]

(Am I) More Than You Bargained For (Yet) (III)

Chapter Summary: Come on, Junko.

Snap out of it.

I know we’re exhausted, but this is not the time.

Come. ON.

Brought to you by a discussion @tobiasdrake and I had about what it would look like if Junko and Haruhi ever met.

Chapter Rating: T. Fic Rating: M for Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault.

AO3

previous chapter | next chapter

Now, it isn’t that Haruhi can’t think of an adequate role for Junko to play in her most amazing movie ever ™.  She can.  It’s just that someone has to film the thing while all three of the major players are on screen, and she can’t be the one filming because she has to be directing, which really just leaves Junko.  Or Yuki, because something tells Haruhi that Junko would probably be a phenomenal villain, but she doesn’t want the villain to run away with the show, especially with the romance between Mikuru and Koizumi’s characters, which means it can’t be Junko.

To be fair, Junko would make a good mentor character for Mikuru.  They’re allowed to be crazy or zany, even if that makes them fan favorites, because they usually get killed off by the antagonist about a third of the way into the story, so they’re not distractions during the big romance.  And this would be great for Junko, because she’d only ever be in scenes with Mikuru – and, you know, Yuki, but only for the big death scene – which means Koizumi can film them!

Wow, Haruhi!  That’s the best idea!  Let’s do that!!  :D

~

Junko makes another costume.

More precisely, she pulls another all-nighter (it’s not like she really sleeps anyway) to get her own movie costume done.  Impromptu.  Immediately.  Post haste.  All those fun words that she’s learning to hate when they’re applied to her specifically.  Especially when it means pushing off the fashion show work she already needs to get done just to create a costume for something that wasn’t necessary in the first place.

She’s not supposed to have a role in the movie.

She’s not supposed to have a role in the movie.

But Junko can play a role with her eyes closed – that’s life, after all – so what’s one more on top of everything else?  If she wasn’t so busy, she’d say yes anyway, so why shouldn’t she say yes now?  It’s a bit of a break from fabric and design, is what it is.  She should be grateful.

(She isn’t.  She doesn’t have time for this, Haruhi.)

(But the movie will film itself, and she can do more fashion show work while filming.  Haruhi will yell at her for it, but Haruhi will get over it.  That’s just how it is.  Haruhi will cross her arms and stick her pert nose in the air and pretend that she’s not paying Junko’s sins any attention, but honestly?  She has to pay Junko the most attention to act like she isn’t paying her attention.  If she really wasn’t paying any attention, she wouldn’t need to put up such a front.)

Haruhi shoves Junko harshly enough at the end of class that she wakes.  She doesn’t even remember closing her eyes.  That’s…less good.  Sure, she doesn’t need to pay attention in class, but that’s still not great.

(If she doesn’t get more rest soon, she’s going to start hallucinating.)

(That will be fun for Koizumi to get on tape.  It’ll be less fun for her – she doesn’t even want to think about what she might see (probably nothing too major; at least, it wasn’t anything major last time).  But Haruhi will enjoy having it on film.  Probably play into the whole death of the mentor thing she has planned for her.  So.  Worth it.  Maybe.)

It’s fine.

She’ll fake it.

She’s really good at faking it.

Yeah.

Yeah!

She’s Junko fucking Enoshima, and she’s going to be just fine!

….

After she chugs a few of those 5-Hour Energy drinks, or whatever.

~

Junko doesn’t quite remember what happens next.

~

See, here’s the thing.

All of those energy drinks are supposed to help her stay awake, only they don’t.  If anything, they make her more tired, which is not the way any of this is supposed to go.  Of course, if Junko had ever used them before, she would know this, but she’s never felt the need to use them; her go-go-go until she crashes has been working just fine up until now, giving her more than enough time to get everything she wants to do done and still leaving excess energy and time for so many other shenanigans.  The thing is that she’s seen Yasuke use them – multiple, multiple times – while he was trying to maintain his grades, while he was suffering through that hospital internship, particularly during that last year of middle school when he had to cram for his high school entrance exams (he’d never considered that Hope’s Peak would scout him; she’d always known they would) – and he’d never had the exhaustion triple the way that she just did.

Which all means that when Koizumi starts filming that death scene of hers, Junko is barely awake and barely aware of anything at all.  She remembers her lines and chirps them like a grand master (because Junko Enoshima can play a part in her sleep (and often does, if she’s honest with herself)), and Mikuru looks at her like something’s wrong, but that’s because Mikuru always looks at her like something is wrong (because Mikuru is the thing that is wrong), and Haruhi yells at Yuki to do “something magical” to kill her (as is scripted), and Yuki makes some super fake looking hand gestures (Junko could fake magic better than that in her sleep, but she didn’t want to be in the movie because she had so many other things to do, and Haruhi hadn’t even asked her to play the villain, and it’s not like Haruhi cares about any of that), and—

And then something—

Something happens.

Junko just barely catches the glimpse of something sparkling and electric and…and something heading in her direction.  If she were more awake, she’d flinch out of the way of whatever it is (and she’d probably be able to tell what is happening), but as it is—

Then Mukuro is there, even though Mukuro hasn’t been anywhere for three years, and she stands in front of Junko with something that looks like a knife drawn out in front of her, only the knife is broken, which doesn’t make any sense because Mukuro, the Mukuro she knows, would never protect anyone with a broken knife, let alone her, and then Mukuro throws the knife to one side and pulls out a gun and aims it at Yuki and—

Something is wrong.

Something is very wrong.

She’s missed something.

Haruhi starts yelling Cut! over and over really, really loud, but Mukuro isn’t paying attention, and—

~

Come on, Junko.

Snap out of it.

I know we’re exhausted, but this is not the time.

Come. ON.

~

“Mukie.”  Junko grabs her sister’s wrist and tugs.  “Stop.  These are my—”

Unfortunately for her, Mukuro, despite seeming to stumble, skips back, tears her wrist from Junko’s grip, and rolls into a crouch with that gun still aimed directly at Yuki, as though Junko hasn’t said or done anything at all.

Bitch.

It almost doesn’t matter that Haruhi’s still yelling at everyone, waving her arms frantically, and it definitely doesn’t matter that Mikuru is screaming – a high-pitched keening sort of sound that is honestly surprising, coming from her – and it’s all so loud and overwhelming and—

Junko resists the urge to put her hands over her ears and stomp her foot like a child.  Instead, she grabs her sister’s wrist again and forcibly tugs her away from everything.  She’ll drag her away if she has to – it doesn’t matter that Mukuro is a super assassin mercenary soldier bitch; Junko will drag her kicking and screaming.  (Just because Mukuro taught her the very cool leg sweep to get someone off her feet and probably knows how to avoid it doesn’t mean she won’t still use it.)

But when Junko storms off, Mukuro follows.

Willingly.

(Yes, Junko is absolutely ignoring the way that Haruhi throws her arms to the side, hands clenched into fists, and stomps after them.  If she wants to stick her nose in where it doesn’t belong, then she’ll do it in private where the rest of the Goon Squad won’t hear it.  There’s a layer of family drama to this whole thing, and it’s not something Junko wants the entire world to hear.

She doesn’t particularly want Haruhi to hear it either, which means they need to get this part out of the way fast.)

They don’t make it very far into the forest at all before Junko thrusts her sister in front of her, drops her grip on Mukuro’s wrist, and then shoves her.  (She wants to see her stumble.  Mukie never stumbles.)  “What are you doing?” she hisses out, glaring at her.  “You’re supposed to be with your precious Fenrir.  What are you even doing here?”

(As if she hasn’t known all along how to make Mukie show up.  She just hasn’t been so stupid as to intentionally try it.)

“You were in danger,” Mukuro says, as though that explains everything.  “That girl in the witch’s hat attacked you.  I saved your life.”

“That girl in the witch’s—”  Junko groans, presses her fingers into her forehead, and completely forgets about the sparkling electric something she’d seen just before Mukuro showed up.  “It’s a movie, you idiot,” she snaps, glare darkening.  “She didn’t actually attack me!”

Mukuro’s eyes narrow, and she doesn’t say anything.

If this was all it took to get you to show up again, Junko thinks, but she doesn’t complete the thought.  She gets the hit of despair from it, feels it curl its tendril cold through her veins, and calms.  (Something is always better than nothing, even if that something is pain.)

It’s only then, in the silence that lingers when they say nothing, that Junko realizes just how different Mukuro looks.  They’ve both grown up more than a bit since they last saw each other.  In fact, she has more than her sister has; Mukuro was already taller, already rounding out when the girl Junko was before was still full of nothing but baby fat, so she knows that she must look different to Mukuro, too.  (Better in some ways.  Worse in others.)

But it isn’t just that.

Mukuro’s skin is ashen.  There’s a grey, deathly pallor about her that wasn’t there before.  Her hair hangs flat, limp against her skull, and her eyes look hollow.  Haunted.  Also, she smells like she hasn’t bathed in a week, but to be honest, she probably hasn’t.  Her clothes are all dirty and torn, and her pants look like they could fall apart at any minute.

Junko scrunches her nose, then covers it with one hand.  “Mukie, you stink—”

But as she’s speaking, Haruhi storms into view, brushing fallen leaves from her clothes and scowling at both of them.  “You ruined my shot!” she exclaims, glaring at Mukuro even more fiercely than Junko was.  “Who even are you?”

“What, don’t you see the resemblance?”  Junko’s expression turns on a dime, and she skips over to stand next to Mukuro, leaning childishly against her with both of her hands clasped behind her back.  “This is my sister, Mukuro!  The one I told you so much about!”  Then she nudges Mukuro with her elbow.  “Mukie, this is my bestie, Haruhi!”

Mukuro flinches.

Haruhi’s brow raises at the word bestie and corrects her, not by denying it, but by saying, “I’m also the drector!” just as Mukuro’s steely gaze shifts to her.  The biggest problem with this is that Mukuro doesn’t say or do anything, and eventually, Haruhi leans toward Junko and says, “Does she even know how to talk?”

“You’re the reason my sister was attacked?” Mukuro asks, not lowering her gaze.

Junko just groans.  “I told you!”  She slaps at Mukuro’s arm, but Mukuro steps away before she can reach her.  “It’s a movie.  I wouldn’t have been hurt.”

But Mukuro isn’t listening to her.  (Mukie has always listened to her, but she isn’t right now, and maybe she doesn’t at all anymore, but she’d followed her into the words, so that must mean something.)  Instead, she steps forward, closer to Haruhi, and looms above her, steely gaze down on her.  “If you – or anyone else – attacks her again, I will kill you.  Understand?”

“Mukie, it’s just a—”

“Fine,” Haruhi snaps, even as she meets Mukuro’s gaze and holds it with her own stubborn one.  (This is not backing down; this is aggressively not caring.)  “You can be her bodyguard, or something.  Then she can come back in the next movie.”  Her eyes sparkle, even as they narrow.  “Maybe you can be Mikuru’s bodyguard, too.  Maybe there’s a hundred of you!”  She beams, all bright and shining, as though nothing troubling has just happened in the slightest.  (Because she’s in control again.  Because she was never really not in control, was she?)  “Like clones!”

Junko just stares at Haruhi, blinking twice.  “Why would anyone want a hundred copies of that?”  She gestures to Mukuro, who doesn’t move.  Then she sighs, grabs Mukuro’s shoulder, and shoves her back, stepping between the two of them.  “Look, Haruhi—”

“We’re still filming!”

“Mukuro can’t stay here,” Junko says, waving a hand in front of Haruhi’s face.  “You get that, right?  I mean, look at her, Haruhi.  She looks horrid.”  Then she pinches her nose, so her words come out sounding all nasally.  “Can’t you smell her?”

Haruhi crosses her arms, lips contorting into a frustrated scowl.  “Smell what?”

Unbelievable.  Junko grabs Mukuro’s wrist again and starts off.  “I’m going home.  Just have Koizumi film some of Mikuru and Yuki’s scenes.  He can do that, right?”

“No!”  Haruhi storms in front of her, stopping her.  “You have more scenes to film!  We have to make the footage better—”

Junko flicks Haruhi’s nose.

“Ow!”

“I’ll be back tomorrow, and we can film all that then, yeah?”  Junko offers Haruhi a fond – if painfully feigned – smile.  “It’s not like we don’t have time.”

Haruhi frowns.  “I want to make a perfect movie.”

“Then you need to take your time.”  Junko gestures to Mukuro.  “You really want her in more scenes looking like this?”

This time, when Haruhi turns to Mukuro, her eyes widen the slightest bit, as though she’s actually seeing her for the very first time.  She blinks twice, and her nose just barely crinkles.  “No.”

“Let me get her cleaned up,” Junko says, meeting Haruhi’s eyes, “and then I’ll bring her bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for the movie first thing tomorrow.  Okay?”

~

It’s only while leaving that Mukuro finally breaks.  She snorts, chuckles, nearly bent in on herself with suppressed laughter, lips curving slightly upward with the sort of smile that she could hide from their father the moment he turned his gaze on her.  “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you argue with anyone about doing whatever the hell you want before—”

“Shut. Up.”

[unsupervised-threat]

There are no narrative inconsistencies in RT's Act 4. Period. Zero.

Also known as: my friend channeling her inner Cegorach, to deal with Act 4 shenanigans.

Obviously full of spoilers and critique bordering on venting. But in a hilarious way.

Me & the gals read it and had a good laugh, so we poked her to share it in public, but she's too shy. So now I'm going to share it. With her permission, of course XD

There are no narrative inconsistencies. Period. Zero. None.

Act 4 starts with the portal spitting us out on Janus, annoying Muaran.

“Fucking mon-keigh…” greets Muaran, despite us being allies. Once again, I beg Muaran to give me some colony projects, but he ignores me. We make our way back to my voidship with me wiping my tears away, while Yrliet pats me on the back sympathetically.

“Lord Captain! It is high time you do something about your xenos pet!” says Argenta and Heinrix the moment I finally sat my arse on my stupid throne. I look at them dead in the eye, tired of repeating myself, then I give them the middle finger. “Argenta, how about I lash you instead for what you did?” I add, but she ignores me. Everyone ignores what I just said, and I begin to question if Argenta ever admitted doing what she did. 'Okay. Must be the trauma induced delusions imagining these things, then’ I thought to myself, deciding to forget the whole thing.

Time to retire to my chambers for some peace and quiet.

KnockKnock. Idira wants to speak to me. KnockKnock Heinrix wants to speak to me. KnockKocno, black screen wants to speak to me. KocnoKoco, uh, wants to speeketh to meeh!?error?error??crash to desktop. Reboot required. …I meta-reload and decide to leave my chambers without resting. The cursed knocking finally ceases. The error filled warp releases us from its grip.

Let’s get down to Rogue Trading business.

“Anything interesting occurring in my absence?” I ask my bridge officer. “Lord Captain, Winterscale had misplaced himself in one of his jungle planets, Chorda allied herself with Lord Calcazar taking Footfall from us, and all of our colonies are on fire.” “Terrific news.” In no hurry, I make my way to scan random planets for resources which later I will find out I can’t even use. There is no more content. “Funny how little actual Rogue Trading I do when it’s basically my only fucking job…” I mumble to myself while finally turning to see what’s up with Chorda.

Bzzz! Zbang!

“Lord Captain!” Uh-oh. “What now?” I ask, hopeful for content™ “Lord Captain, we have intercepted an anomaly that almost collided with us,” reports my Vox Mistress. “Okay? Anything else about it?” I ask. “No, nothing else to report.” “...” “Then why the dramatic interruption? Is this not leading up to anything? My journal entry did not get updated. What was the point of this?” My Vox Mistress shrugs, “Only the Emperor knows, Lord Captain.” “...”

We reach Footfall, and we find out that Chorda is hanging Pirates for Piracy on a Piracy planetoid. “Hm. How does that make any sense? Is it not easier to just bomb the entire planet instead of purging it manually like this?” I question the logic of it out loud to no one in particular.

Chorda smirks smirkingly at my arrival. With the attitude of Paris Hilton welcoming some schmuck into her 5 stars Hilton hotel. “How do you like my deliverance of Imperium justice, RT?” she smugly asks. I frown. “How do you like this planetoid barren of any life forms if you plan on killing every single man here?” She ignores my questions and suddenly declares me to be placed under trial. “Sorry, what did you just say? A trial? A 3rd trial after I just escaped from Commorragh? Are you okay?” ‘Am I okay?’

Feeling overwhelmed by the stupidity of this narrative I pick up her spoon to eat this random man’s brains raw. Marazhai, for some reason, is into it. “You are disgusting” says Chorda, who 5 seconds prior also partook in eating this poor sod’s brains. “And you are a hypocrite who has peas for brains. Is that why you’re doing this? To replenish your non-existent brain lobs, perhaps?” I say, unimpressed with her insult.

In a flustered panic, Chorda shares Vladaym’s location and tells me to go kill him, despite me making it clear I despise her and want her dead. “Why are you telling me th- Oh for fu-, you know what? Nevermind. Let’s just go.” We leave.

We reach Vladaym's super secret hide out. “Hello to you, you sneaky rascal” I greet him in a friendly manner, because we’ve already established we’re allies. “Your Ladyship, you might not have a lot of love for me or our business-” “What?” I interrupt him. “What do you mean, Vladaym? I traded with the Kasballica. Do you even check your statistics? I am literally your number 1 store buyer. I send Footfall provisions. I kept you in charge of Footfall under Valancius’ wing. I was nice to you personally. What do you mean, I don't have a lot of love for you???!”

I get ignored, as per usual.

“Yo” says Hieronymus, making an aquila gesture greeting. “Yo” I salute back, making an aeldari greeting gesture in return. “Did you know I’m a piece of shit who indoctrinated Chorda since she was little to be the ultimate heretic killing machine? This is why she is the way she is btw.” Hieronymus admits with little prompting. “Oh, spare me her sob story! Are you serious?!” Hieronymus doesn’t respond, just soullessly stares at me, giving me nothing.

I become desperate.

“You info dumping her sob story on me, ONLY WITH A DOGMATIC DIALOGUE OPTION, is all this game gives me to make me like her enough to redeem her AS AN ICONOCLAST? How does that make any sense?! This is truly all you are going to give me??” I grab onto Hieronymus’ sleeve, having lost it entirely. The priest looks down at me with pity then shrugs. “The Emperor bestows a lot on his followers, my child. The gift of logic and sense however... were omitted here.” “Omitted? You mean just for this quest only, right? This is simply a flaw, a hiccup in the overarching narrative, and not for the rest of the story, father? Right? Right, father???” “...I am so sorry, my child. But while we’re at it, I must warn you. You will aggro my boss fight regardless of what you do during this quest.”

I stare into the dirty rooftop of the bar, to avoid tears leaking out of my eyeballs. The dirty metallic rooftop stares back. "I am not possessed or insane. Everything around me is simply too bugged. Nothing is real." I mumble crazily to comfort myself. The dirty rooftop then laughs at me, seeing how I have not reached any of the conviction point thresholds that are required for anything during this act.

I snap and let out an inhuman screech, pressing the quit button.

[crybabyjellyfish]

100 Days of Productivity

Summer Goals Completed

33/100

Ohhhh I kind of want to be more consistent with these but I've been so busy with traveling and packing and work.

I've officially completed my summer goals!

I made a zine. It made my boyfriend cry glkdfjglkfd bc it was about genders and jellyfish. I made it for my parents... they haven't read it though.

Found a name. I'm now beginning the legal process of changing it.

Wrote hella letters. Was the first goal I completed tbh.

Long essay is basically complete. I just have to actually do the effort of editing now

Other Goals completed:

update calendar

grad school advisor meeting

traveling and packing

Goals to do:

Actually write a letter of resignation and quit this hellscape job

set up time line for grad school applications

finish moving to new apartment

Go to see bf finally hehehehe

Email for letters of reccs for grad school

research the GRE and study/set up to take that exam

Journal :(

10 things im proud of

I'm proud of making the zine. I was nervous but I spent a lot of time painting it and stuff

I'm proud of being more assertive with my parents. it's only slightly but it's there.

I'm proud of making it to the end of the month without doing a bad™

I made some lil art! That was fun/nice

Telling someone I was too tired for them to come over at night. Holdin that boundary

Talking to people about my anxieties and concerns. Not just going silent. I gotta remind myself to not just cut people off but also object permanence happens and I forget that im allowed to bother people. SO actually talking to people has been- helpful

Taking initiative in grad school applications. I want to remind myself that this isn't a one shot situation. I have all my life to apply. If I can't this year, that's okay. I can apply again.

I've actually been reading which is nice. I don't usually expect myself to read and do my fun little things while at home. But i've been able to do that and it's been bringing me some peace.

driving. I hate driving, it makes me anxious. But I need to do that where I am right now. And it makes me uncomfortable but I've been able to do it and feel confident in it again.

Using my newer coping tools whenever I get stressed. Lil Tåsi the manta ray has been good. Ive been taking my meds and eating well. I have been drawing, turning to other tasks whenever the desire to do a bad arises and im glad for that distraction stuff. Documentaries ive learned helps out too. lol

[bubsub69]

Entry 1

entries 1-13 were written pre-tumblr

12/05/2023 4:08

4am what better time to start a diary, who knew waking up for 9am classes and then at noon on the next day and then 9am etc could fuck up your sleep schedule.

But yeah… why start a secret encrypted diary now? the first one i've ever made? idk, im just tired and afraid and sick of being lonely and touch starved and all the other stuff

Definetely didnt help to scroll through r/niceguys and seeing the I'm 21 kissless virgin that was bullied and ignored by girls that isnt sexist and racist and doesnt do drugs and thinking wow its literally me and then it being followed by females owe me sex the post: https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/comments/12n0m5q/ngvc_im_not_a_sexist_but_females_owe_me_sex/

cause you know… what if i become like this, what if i become an even bigger nuisance than i already am and/or fuck up my chances of ever finding someone, it's especially worrysome that i felt bad for some of the guys, you know simpathizing with the kind of people that call women whores for not wanting the nice guy, cant believe i went to the subreddit because of the omoriboy soy parody (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahPdX90_6jg).

And then there's the someone i found ish just gonna call her D She replied to my post on the femdompersonals subreddit and it was pretty close to love at first sight, but probably very one sided, i mean shit she was now moving from the us to porto what better luck could i want. But she's been very busy, especially with the moving, it took from her texting me on the 26 of april to the 7th of may just to have a 1 hour call.

And boy that call was something, i literally think it was the only time i was genuinely happy in like.. i dunno a month? a year? more? i couldnt even sleep that night, i really needed that call cause i thought she was just fucking with me at that point, you know pretending to be interested and catfishing me for something but no i got a 1 hour call and she even showed me her face at the end, i was kinda expecting something sexual but no it was just getting to know each other which is fine for a first call, she's a really cool and interesting girl, i did think it was weird she just went to walk her dog mid conversation but i guess its something that cant wait, it probably had to pee as well.. maybe it was actually nice of her not to hang up on the call while she was walking the dog.

But yeah i'm kind of back at square one, shes not busy with moving but she has a million hobbies apparenly that she balances with her work and learning a new language and all that stuff, shes had a non specified workshop and a ceramics class as excuses which.. yeah im doubting if shes actually doing, i even commented wow you have a lot of hobbies which i was scared of doing cause i didnt want to imply shes lying even if i have the gut feeling she is, and it makes me feel awful to not trust her, but honestly i think i'd be fine with all that if she just put some initiative in texting, literally the only time she texted first was for a link to a game that she didnt even comment on, really makes ya wonder is she doing some 'woman games™' or just fucking with me or just seeing how far she can push me.. fuck i am becoming an incel, cause you know its the classic i have a life outside of you, you cant just expect me to make time for you everyday but fuck maybe the first call was a bad ideia cause now i just crave more, i seriously think theres some potential here but not if she doesnt have time for me, which im obviously not entitled to but ofc i still want it.

im just so scared of texting her, if i do it too often i might annoy her, if i dont do it enough she might forget about me.. i dont even know whats worse, i tried texting every other day but that also seems like too much, i dunno do i just wait for her to text me and make a call appoinment, it also kind of doesnt help i dont even know her name or age, granted she doesnt know my name either but yeah its another layer of anonymity that i want to get rid of, maybe i should try on the weekend, its when we had the call and she might have time, we'll see

She did kind of mention meeting up one day, dont know if she was just being nice of something, but i just wish i knew how she feels about me, or just get some advice with texting her, i dont want to be disingenuous either and write what someone else tells me to, how do i balance being needy and not annoying.

and theres also the voice.. i'm honestly starting to worry im losing control to the self degrading voice i have inside me, that thing is real mean, its whats making me distrust her and shit, i even thought i 'defeated' it with the call but it just came back same as before. The youre useless and an annoyance and all those thoughts are kind of starting to worry me a bit, especially since the suicide thoughts are becoming a bit too common, im still far from it, im too scared to do it, but the first step of commiting suicide is having the reason to do it, and i also think im kind of becoming a psycopath, not in the edgy way its just ive become so apathetic lately, the 'mom would be sad' strategy doesnt work at all cause im so sick of her, between being annoying and not trusting me and being dumb and the shit she did to my cousin and kind of being blamed cause shes getting unknown disease cause of stress, ive kind of grown to hate her a bit i did cry a bit when i got my cousin's graduation ribbon (its a thing here, you write shit like good job and good luck), reading the only ribbon that i got that wasnt just generic garbage made me tear up a bit, not immediately just when i got home, and it didnt help when she hugged me and said if you ever leave pls take me with you, so yeah maybe im not apathetic i just hate my mother

There's also my cat, im kind of getting… idk sick of him too angry, it just feels like he doesnt like me sometimes, which is absurd he comes to greet me and only me when i arrive and hes actually been sleeping a bit with me tonight and yesterday, but the biting when i pet him is really annoying.. what am i saying its just cat stuff its normal. I am feeling kinda weird when i pet him and think damn i wish i was the one being petted (not by him ofc), you know just lying on girls lap and being petted, r/cuddle_slut really made me realize how fucking touch starved i am.

Or maybe i should just move on from her.. maybe she doesnt want that kind of relationship, i really dont want to start talking to someone else while im talking with her tough, feels real scummy, i kind of did that with someone on skype, i had a couple of sessions with her but she kind of stopped texting me as i was talking to D which was lucky, but in those sessions i had full video on and she didnt even use her voice so i guess its kind of fair, she was also the one that took the initiative texting so who knows maybe shes doing what im planning on doing, letting her text first which didnt really work out for her cause i didnt and now our last message is from the 28th. typing this really discouraged me from the let her text first and see what happens strategy, i guess ill settle for trying on the weekend tough this saturday i have the ribbon party so hopefully i have time and energy to call her

Maybe ill just try some keyholding, just to do something sexual that isnt just showing my junk and locking it or putting my finger in my ass for the skype girl, but the problem with keyholding is that it might take some time.. what if while im locked D wants to do something and i reveal i've been """unfaithfull""" i think im gonna wait a bit more for her i really want things to work out with her she just seems like a really cool person but im worried im too much of a loser for her, the very busy woman who managed commitees has a million hobbies and her boyfriend who's a stay at home gamer

I guess that's it for first entry, hopefully when I'm rereading this im in a better state, or maybe im showing this to my therapist or hey maybe even D or whatever her name is, overall not bad for a first diary entry i think, i got to rant a bit even if it was just on a keyboard, i think im gonna start writing here a bit, some non sad stuff as well hopefully

maybe ill dump this on some ai text and see what happens (garbage pretty much)

See you on entry 2 i guess.

PS wow its 5:15 was not expecting to spend an hour writing this

[inhuman-obey-me]

Counterattack

Word Count: 1.2k Description: Lucifer/MC. The Anti-Lucifer League's latest prank backfires, thanks to you. Note: Based on Lesson 63 - Hard. I've been wanting to write this since it came out. Makes vague reference to Things™ happening in the latest season. Also, this is purely self-indulgent. >>; Can also be found on AO3 here. [Mod Cosmos]

It was a rare moment of serenity in the House of Lamentation, most of its residents not having yet returned after a day of classes. You lounge now beside the Avatar of Lust, who was busy regaling his adventures of the day and the interesting stories he had heard whispered in the halls of RAD. Head resting on his shoulder, you watch as he scrolls through various photos on Devilgram on his D.D.D., a never-ending stream of notifications popping up at the top of the screen all the while.

Asmodeus suddenly taps on one in particular, and you realize it’s for the group chat shared by the seven demon brothers. You watch as Satan’s messages come in, feeling laughter bubble up in your chest as everyone realizes the grave error the wrathful demon had just made.

↳ Satan: I just heard from Mephisto. ↳ Satan: He says he managed to switch out the fountain pen. The operation was a success. ↳ Satan: Lucifer has probably already been hit by the curse at this point. ↳ Satan: We did it, Belphie. ↳ Leviathan: Uh loool ↳ Asmodeus: Wait. Did he just send that to everyone by accident?

“Oh, dear.” Asmodeus giggles, which is enough to let your own spill from your lips as he hits send on his message. “Lucifer’s probably going to be here any minute. What in the Devildom did they do this time?”

It didn’t take too long for you both to find out, as it indeed only took a few moments before Lucifer entered the house in a flurry of black feathers and burning crimson eyes.

“SATAN! BELPHEGOR!” His raised voice echoes through the foyer as he makes his way inside, searching for his troublesome younger brothers. “I am NOT in the mood today to be dealing with one of your childish tricks! Especially one that doesn’t let me get any work done for the rest of the day! I cannot believe you got that headache of a demon involved as well!”

Your brow quirks at that – can’t get any work done? The corner of your mouth curls into an impish smile, one that Asmodeus notices as he gives you a curious look.

Lucifer was always busy – helping run one of the three realms was no light matter, after all. In the recent time you had returned to the Devildom, however, you had noticed just how weary his eyes had become, just how heavy the silence could be when he went through document after document in the late hours of the night as you accompanied him in his study. Each time you asked if he was alright, he’d force a tender smile and say that work had just picked up, is all, what with the new RAD year starting and the new exchange students. A reasonable enough answer, but you knew the demon well enough to know when he was hiding something. On more than one occasion, you had seen him gaze deeply into the fireplace, lost in thought and oblivious to the world around him until you brought him back to reality. Again, he would give you a reassuring smile, insisting that he was just tired, nothing more.

Liar.

“What did they do this time, Lucifer?” You ask gently, walking out to greet the first-born as he stood in all his regal and terrifying glory. He stiffens, fingers curling into the palms of his hand as he turns to you.

“They managed to place a curse on me so that no matter what I write, it comes out illegible.” Lucifer grumbles, trying to regain his composure as he speaks to you. He could break most curses, of course, but Satan had managed to ensure that breaking this curse was more effort than it was worth. “Which means that all my paperwork for the day can’t be completed, and instead will be piled onto tomorrow’s work, which is the last thing I need right now.”

“Ah, so that’s what you meant by not being able to get work done for the rest of the day…” With a hum, you hold your chin in your hand, finger tapping your cheek as if you’re in thought. “So…that means you’re free for the rest of the day?”

“What? I mean…” Lucifer frowns for a moment. “I suppose it does, at least in that sense. Though there are plenty of other things I can get done, one such thing being punishing a couple of brats – “ He turns his attention again to the hall, gaze scanning for any sign of life.

“But wait!” You clap your hands together as if just struck by a brilliant idea. “If you can’t get any work done for the rest of the day, that means you’re free to go out with me today, right?”

Lucifer freezes, your words slowly sinking in. His anger seems to dissipate, wings folding back in before disappearing completely. In the blink of an eye, he’s back to his more human-like appearance. He turns to you again, his expression showing a hint of amusement.

“...Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Well, duh.” You shoot the demon a victorious smile. “So, how about it? We can go check out that new record shop and cafe that just opened up in Avarice Plaza!” Moving to clasp one of his hands in yours, you playfully bat your eyelashes at him. “And then we can go to that romantic restaurant you were talking about for dinner, the one you were hoping you’d have time to take me to, remember?”

With a low hum, Lucifer gives you a knowing look and his usual smug smirk, though there's a softness to it. “Now, how could I refuse such a lovely proposition?”

“Hey, hold on! That’s not fair!” The voice of the seventh-born interrupts the two of you, and you both look in his direction, a frown plastered on his face.

“What’s not fair?” You respond with faux innocence. “You and Satan freed him up for the day, so I’m simply taking advantage of the situation.” The mischievous glint in your eyes is hard to miss, which only causes Belphegor to scowl further. Satan soon appears beside him, a similar disgruntled expression on his features as he glares daggers at the eldest.

“Thanks you two! I really owe you one!” With a wink, you take hold of Lucifer’s hand and pull him away from the foyer. “Let’s go get ready and leave then, hm?”

“Yes, yes – just one thing.” Lucifer chuckles, pausing for a moment. “Asmodeus?”

“Uh, yes?” Your previous companion squeaks out, unsure if he was suddenly in trouble for something.

“You were looking for a couple of demons to experiment with that new beauty product of yours, weren’t you? The one still in testing stages? Well, I believe I have the perfect two for you.”

Asmodeus’ eyes light up before he looks to Satan and Belphegor with a wicked grin. “Oh, yes! They’ll do nicely!”

“Huh? Wait, Asmo, no – “ You hear Satan panic and Belphegor try to scramble away as Asmodeus chases after them with glee.

“Now, shall we?” Lucifer extends his arm to you, which you gladly take after giving him a slight jab with your elbow.

“You’re evil, Lucifer.”

“Of course.” He laughs, flashing you a charming smile. “But that’s why you love me, right?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” With a snicker, you usher him to get ready before leaving for your spontaneous date, glad to have an excuse to distract him from the particular burden he seemed to be carrying as of late.

[capacle]

New paths going forward

Last November, I shared on Rеddіt my 2-year perspective as a full-time game designer.

Since then, that post's been seen more than 80,000 times.

The conversation helped me investigate aspects of my career going forward.

And some important changes are about to happen.

If you follow me, you probably remember a thread from August, in which I announced that 2022 would be my last attempt to make this path work.

Well, it's 2023.

And although I consider my Раtrеоn a success, I'm still below 50% of my goal.

What now?

One of the major takeaways from that reflection was that I spend most of my time promoting my games, rather than making them.

My actual "job" is selling games, if I'm being honest.

Ironically, I'd potentially make more games if I were not a full-time game designer.

In general, the advice I received on how to make a sustainable living out of games was to double-down on that path.

Do more marketing, follow more trends, become an actual company.

Look at my career as a proper business, not as an art project.

And also:

Foster a community around one of my games, offer support and create supplements, and so on, instead of making many different games.

Either that, or offer my services as a freelance writer/editor.

All these ideas have something in common:

I don't wanna.

It took me a long time and a high dose of self-honesty to admit that I'm not willing to do that.

I've just turned 40, and after leaving a somewhat successful career to pursue my dream, I'm not ready to succumb to what the market demands.

Not quite yet.

So what am I going to do?

Stop.

Not with games, but with the rest.

To become what I truly am, I'm deciding first to stop being what I am not.

No more constant marketing, no more trying to keep up with 11 different social platforms.

I'll still promote and share my (and friends') stuff eventually, but I'll stop worrying about it.

It was like having 20 tabs constantly open on my mind's browser.

Spencer Campbell once said he wishes he could be a TTRPG hermit who goes into the mountains and then eventually emerges with a new game.

Well, I might just try that.

Hopefully, the free time allows me to explore more, to be curious once again.

To let my mind wander.

I'll continue with my Раtrеоn, I love that little cozy corner we created together.

I also polled about creating a game design-focused nеwѕlеttеr, and got an immensely positive response.

So that is going to happen.

Again, with no commercial pressure whatsoever.

I am well aware that this resolution is a self-inflicted commercial annihilation.

The Algorithm™ will swallow me whole and spit me out on the shores of irrelevance.

But I'm tired of swimming against the tide.

I just want to float for a while.

If you like what I do and want to support me on this unusual path I am in, I deeply appreciate you.

I gathered my nеwѕlеttеr, my Раtrеоn, my games, all in one page.

Here are all the ways you can follow me.

Feel free to share it around.

[irelandseyeonmythology]

Dia duit! Do you happen to know of any other blogs about Irish culture and language that aren't racist about it?

Dia is Muire Duit! 

Embarrassingly, I don’t interact with all that many other people who do this sort of thing, mainly for 3 reasons: 

(1) Professional distancing -- Small field, everyone knows each other, which means that if I find anyone or anyone finds me, there’s a not-small chance that we know one another IRL. There’s a reason my palms get a little sweaty when I think about new people coming into Tumblr, and a solid portion of that’s that I don’t want....too much attention on what I do here and, especially, not on my main. (Which I know is the equivalent of holding up a meat stick to a bunch of dogs and going “DO YOU WANT THE MEAT STICK?”) I can’t really vent about my department on main anymore simply because, even though names aren’t attached to things, it’s ridiculously easy to narrow me down if you know what to do. I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong, but there’s a difference between Me On Here VS Me in a Professional Context, and it’s been difficult to try to make that sort of...shift from being a shitposting teenager to suddenly being an Academic™. (But also, I don’t want people to think I’m unapproachable, either -- rule of thumb is “Mutually Assured Destruction.” You know I’m on Tumblr, I know you’re on Tumblr, and we both never mention it.)

(2) Wanting to distance myself a little from what I do Every Day -- Posting on here and interacting with people who are willing to seek me out on here is fine, I like that, I enjoy doing it, I enjoy everyone who follows me, but it’s much more on my terms here. (Hence the inconsistent posting schedule.) When I was younger, before this was my job, I could be around it constantly, and it was a lot of fun, but now it’s like....it’s a Lot, now that it’s my actual life. I check in on the Irish Mythology tag every once in a while, but I can’t really follow it like I used to just because it’s this constant state of *engagement* for me, in a way that, say, French musicals that three people in the world like don’t have. 

Brain tired, brain needs nappy. 

(3) I’ve seen some people on here, when I’ve looked into blogs to follow be....well. Bitches. Especially re: Americans taking this on and, as an American myself who is very serious about my line of work, it does. Rather sting. (I have a lot of complex opinions on the whole business that I won’t get into now, but the tldr is that I get why people can be hesitant, especially with the borderline fetishization of Ireland in the States but, at the same time, the effect is often scaring people who have a genuine interest in this sort of thing away and, when it comes to an endangered language....the more people we have taking the time to learn it, the better.) (But also, if you imply that my degree, which I got from an *Irish* uni is worthless, the claws will come out. I made a lot of sacrifices for that....glorious....piece of poster board in Latin.)

BUT. BUT. 

I do have a few. I want to emphasize that these aren’t all the Good People who do Irish Things on Tumblr, these are just the ones, off the top of my head, I can think of. 

@trans-cuchulainn Excellent resource on the Ulster Cycle, A+ shitposts

@finnlongman Another Ulster Cycle specialist 

@ad-ciu A former colleague and friend of mine, one of the only human beings in the world I trust with Mythological Cycle content. Not on as much these days because they’re doing things like “schoolwork” and “having a life” and “getting a PhD”, but genuinely a wonderful person to follow so you can catch when they do post. 

@amylouioc Wonderful artwork inspired by medieval Irish lit, explicitly anti-racist, multicultural Tuatha Dé, Nuada is a snacc. 

@forfeda-project Another A+ art blog, am considering getting their pub shirt for Fled Bricrenn to wear at conferences. 

@bloctg4 Shitposts in the Irish language, brought to you by Ireland’s own Irish-speaking TV station (or, rather, an intern at said TV station.)

Just want to emphasize -- I definitely don’t believe these are the only non-racist Irish themed blogs on Tumblr, these are just the ones that came to mind, especially since these days I’m the social media equivalent of a hag hanging out in a little cave, sometimes poking my head out to drop a shitpost before returning, shaking my head and muttering. 

[thatoneclumsyjedi]

STAR WARS FIC RECS!

Here go some nice fics, mostly Clone Wars Era

*at least the war is over - katierosefun

3k, 1/1, Padme Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, Domestic Fluff, Sickfic

Or Anakin runs himself sick after taking care of his own sick kids. Padmé, away on business, calls Obi-Wan and Ahsoka to help because Anakin Skywalker does not know how to ask for help on his own.

*Selfless - Guardian_of_Hope

2k, 4/4, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Commander Cody, Ahsoka Tano, Hurt/Comfort

Obi-Wan has always looked after people, sometimes at the expense of himself.

*they say home is where the heart is, so am i homeless or just heartless? - anxiety_banana

9k, 1/1, Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, Padme Amidala, Master Ploo, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Captain Rex, Depression, Trauma, PTSD

This was more than pain.

This was a trauma that had sunk it's teeth into her flesh for so many years, silently tearing away at her so now that she had time to think about it, Ahsoka came crashing down.

(aka ahsoka is Depressed™, finally realizes that she is a mess, and painfully makes her way back to having a family)

*Discovery - Knitgeek16

46k, 19/?, Lux Bonteri/Ahsoka Tano, A mature Lux? Excellent!, Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Captain Rex, Original Characters, Self Discovery

Ahsoka has been many things...but never did she think she'd be a mother. Set after her exit from the Order, Ahsoka discovers things about herself, the Force, and about love that will change her life and the life of a Senator forever. But just when they believe their happiness is set, Dark forces in the galaxy rise, forcing Ahsoka to return to the Temple and to her life as a Jedi.

*Sensing Trouble from a Mile Away - The PartyPrince

4k, 1/1, Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Ahsoka Tano, Barriss Offee, Master Luminara Unduli, Depression, Angst, Suicide Attempt

Anakin is forced to give up command of the 501st. Things go downhill from there.

*you drew scars around my scars (and now I'm bleeding) - hschooler

8k, 1/1, Anakin Skywalker|Darth Vader, Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Bail Organa, Rex, Darth Vader Redemption, Angst, Hurt/Comofrt, BEAUTIFUL

Ahsoka sucked in a ragged breath, trying to ignore the burning behind her eyes. Anakin reached for her in the Force, and tendrils of guilt and regret, all saturated with undercurrents of love, surrounded her. She knew he was trying to let her in, to not bury everything he felt behind a mask he’d worn long before Vader. Anakin was learning from his mistakes, trying to do better just like she knew he would. But she had to get through this, first. Ahsoka needed to learn her own lessons, too.

*Good Sleep is Hard to Find - hellowkatey

3k, 1/1, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, Rex, Vokara Che, Sleep and Nightmares, Insomnia

The Disaster Lineage™ has a long history of being horrible at getting the sleep they need.

*Absences - crimsonhope

3k, 1/1, Padawan Training, Child Soldiers, Jedi Temple, Ahsoka Tano, Other Padawans, Jedi Council, Anakin Skywalker, Teaching, SO INTERESTING

The Padawan – Ahsoka – approached him respectfully, yet with a bit of uncertainty. She looked tired, but so many of his students did, nowadays. “Do I still have some absences that I need to provide a mission excuse for?”

“No, no need to worry, everything appears fine in that regard.” In regard of providing an excuse, at least, not really in regard of the number of those excuses, he commented internally, quickly disregarding the intrusive thought. “You were, however, supposed to turn in your assignment on a chosen battle from the Cold War today…”

He could see the realization dawning on her face, as he’s seen it on so many others in similar circumstances.

*lately i feel so unstable - anxiety_banana

875, 1/1, Post Mortiss, Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker, The Son, Mental Health Issues, Paranoia

Mortis left more than memories.

The Son never left Ahsoka, not really. And now she has to deal with the paranoia that comes with having a Force-Being making you go crazy.

*The Ghosts of Point Rain - stolen_pen_name23

3k, 1/1, Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Heat Stroke Sickfic, Hurt/Comfort

The disaster trio returns to Geonosis and Ahsoka faces the threat of heatstroke.

[ilsseongyi]

hello everyone,,, here is my boy nam seongwon aka seongyi. he is a 27 year old nerd horror fanatic. i honestly dont know how serious i want this kid to be yet or maybe more comedic than serious even. but some mystery is on the way for him so we'll take it in stride. mmm idk how to properly tldr or introduce so check out his points down below! anddd i don't currently have any wanted connections or plots as of now that im writing this preparing for opening sooo drop a like if you're alright with a completely random starter or check out the prompts below !

“fun facts”

stays up late to listen to horror podcasts from around the world. also does late night lives in his room to talk about horror stories and conspiracies in the dark.

usually out of the house at very odd times of the night due to his bad sleeping habits. doesn't run by a particular timezone. so

perpetually tired™

kind of a nerd but like, not the fan type nerds, just really geeky

seems smart...

studied abroad after his freshman year in uni and graduated in the states. ( five years abroad )

went by alex in the states because no one could pronounce his name. aka one of his first friends said "you look like an alex." and his english name was born

wanted to live out the rest of his life in the states, but the job he wanted fell through and he had to return to korea.

arrived after his grandfather's funeral took place and his parents told him to start over by taking over his grandfather's old business — isang wonders

didn't love the idea of returning to ilsang because he's reminded of why he hated his birthname and all the memories of everyone thinking he was a girl before meeting him

lowkey triggered because no one knows he legally changed his name to seongwon years ago so everyone still calls him seongyi

likes gaming from time to time in between his breaks from horror research and whatnot

lives in yeonhwa-gil because he’s in his grandfather’s old home was there. absolutely hates it because it smells like fish like all the time and he also hates eating fish. 

a full grown ass man but can’t sell the house because his parents won’t allow him to. lol

dude is only put together when he wants too otherwise,, things are kind of a mess.

honestly a completely different person than when he was in america because lowkey depressed and not all that optimistic being in ilsang

“random starters”

these can all be adjusted and changed as we go! just ideas to get started! reply with the corresponding number if you’d like me to write a starter based off of one of the prompts below!

it’s 3 fucking am and you keep hearing something meowing in the street but it doesn’t sound like the cats you usually hear. you go to look to see if its an injured cat but you find this nutcase in nothing but a tshirt, shorts and sandals meowing to a dark corner. he tells you the electricity went out in his house and he didn’t want to be alone so he’s trying to find a cat to keep him company outside.

you run into seongyi and think he’s a foreigner because he’s speaking fluent english. commence being convinced he’s not a native until he steps in dogshit and starts swearing up a storm.

it’s getting late and the library is closing and they’re kicking you out. but you notice there’s some guy sitting in the corner that they haven’t mentioned and say you’re with him.... now you’ve both been kicked out and seongyi is kindaa annoyed bec he was like five books deep in research and the librarian yelled at him.

the elders of yeonhwa-gil have organized a neighborhood dinner and both you and seongyi were invited. surprise surprise, they only have fish. fish stew. grilled fish. steamed fish. pan-fried fish. just everything you could think of plus fish. seongyi sees you brought something that ISN’T fish and honestly, you’re his new best friend in that moment.

hi yeonhwa-gil neighbor. the plumbing and electricity both stopped working in my house and for some reason the electrician is not picking up his phone. can i use your bathroom. except i keep coming when it’s super late or super early until you get sick of me and tell me to go to just get a room at haedodi.

hey i know you, you’re the guy who makes video and streams online about horror and scary things right? you recognize seongyi from some of his videos maybe or clips of him that have gone around. he has verified social media after all. maybe you guys talk about things in ilsang.