#I am tired of pretending to give a shit about this man

[margoshansons]

You know what? I’ll say it if no one else will

Fuck Henry Cavill. I don’t feel sorry for him one bit

[catboyfurina]

focalette / neuvalors whatever the ship name is orz

[poems-of-a-lover]

im so jealous of cis guys. being able to grow up how they want and being confident in themselves and just. im so fuckin jealous. it is so hard. SO hard. to feel comfortable with someone else in a relationship when im not comfortable with myself. i hate it.

[bunni-bun]

🚗🔪.

[starrbucky]

.

[heroesneedalancer]

Post by u/DJConvex to r/AskReddit on Nov 6, 2024:

People who work in DC for the government, what is the vibe?

Comment by u/Meduselde:

Resigned. We are generally very good about not discussing politics in the workplace but the vibe was obviously off. My more conservative colleagues who were happy Trump won were extremely respectful. There wasn't smug gloating and they were very obviously being cognizant of others' feelings even more than normal. It was extremely appreciated. Ultimately, we survived the first administration and will survive again. It's not necessarily Trump who was the problem last time, but his inexperienced senior appointees. The world isn't going to end nor do I feel democracy will crumble at his feet. It's just gonna be chaotic, and that's the worst part as a worker bee. At least with Biden we had consistent leadership and clear guidance, even if you didn't agree with it. Under Trump, your "yes man" says "no" and that's how you rotate through four SECDEFs. But as a sign of hope, it also means that even the most loyal DO say "no" sometimes, especially when businessmen are finally confronted with the realities of governance.

They chill out REAL quick on their dismantlement plans when they see the work these agencies do and what's at stake if they don't stand up for their people. It's easy to say you will dissolve or cut funding for something when you do not truly understand it. And as much as people say we can ALL be magically replaced with "yes men," even the most stone-hearted appointees recognize that the last thing you ever want is to lose the entirety of your skilled workforce. They learn it's best to get the skilled people to work towards their vision and not hire enthusiastic but stupid people to attempt the same. If they do, they risk looking inept themselves. You don't get skilled federal workers in a blue portion of the country to work for you by being a fucking Nazi. We're cranky and will make your life hell if you behave like that. I'm not talking about some sort of organized resistance movement because we feel like it. That's wrong. But just imagine hundreds of thousands pissed off at you. If that's the Deep State at work, then we aspire to be the quality of swampy Deep State your racist uncle thinks we are. If implementing dictatorship was that easy, Trump would have taken out every agency his last term and fired us all. I am actually extremely proud of the resiliency and checks and balances that the American federal government has in place to prevent most of the shit he says he can achieve by waving a magic executive wand. (He's done this once. He knows he can't. He just lets the majority of the population believe he can.) Us feds will make it, as we always have.

And we will live up to our oath to serve the Constitution, not a president. We serve every official of every party faithfully within the bounds of legalities and our oath. Working for administrations you may not like it's just a part of the job that we all recognize. Public servants at the federal level generally hold that extremely close to their heart. The ones that don't (I'm talking to YOU, WaPo "informants!") put us to shame. We're just tired, man. I can't believe it has already been four years since the last round. There's going to be some waves, no doubt, and some people definitely are going to be hurt at upper levels. But grab a Twisted Tea and buckle up. We'll at least pretend it's meant to be a roller coaster and ride it. TL;Dr Democracy is not going to die. But a drink and "thanks" would go a long way.

EDIT: Woah! I woke up this morning and am surprised by how much traction this got. I'm sad that this was the most positive thing some people had read. I'm sorry it's been that bad. I am not predicting outcomes. I have no idea how it's going to go. It's going to be bloody. But the hope I am trying to get across is that we are a resilient people and a group of (generally) good people. It will be okay, okay? The people that really make or break your daily life are those around you and your local government. Hold those around you close to your heart and always be kind. Everybody go outside, take a deep breath, eat something you love, and hug your grandma (even if she voted differently). The world is still turning and the sky is still blue. Being surrounded by spiraling anger on the internet only makes us the losers, not those we disagree with. The only thing we can do right now is wait. We have a few months to cool off! Enjoy your holidays!

EDIT 2: I think everybody has forgotten about this, but go check out the memorandum signed by the Joint Chiefs of Staff at the end of Trump's first term after January 6. The feds basically said "fuck that" when people were scared that the government was going to turn the military on them to help Trump in some way. While it was specifically addressed to our armed forces members, it was spread throughout the DOD and beyond. Partially as a result of federal workers' fear (not actually ordered, to be crystal clear) that they would be asked to turn on citizens. This sentiment was echoed across the entire government via internal emails (from Trump appointees!) as well to the civilian workforce. That's one of my proudest moments as an American and why I know we will get through it.

Emphasis mine. Link to original Reddit Post. Link to an article about the aforementioned memorandum signed by the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Don't give up. We will get through this.

[logicallyblind]

Okay okay but consider possible batfam fic idea:  

so Bruce is in an emergency justice league meeting that got called but because its taking place at night he has a comm on in his ear playing at a low volume because all of the batfam are out on patrol around gotham covering his patrol route for him and because you know B is a paranoid, overprotective fucker he just to make sure everything is going smoothly for his kids but he doesn’t plan on actually letting them know he’s tapped into their network because he can already hear the lecture from Dick about trusting them to take care of the city.  

So he’s listening to them quietly while also paying attention to Clark talking about some alien diplomacy issue and his kids are YAPPING away about the stupidest shit to one another cause they don’t have B telling them off for ‘unprofessional unnecessary chatter while on patrol’ and  you’re getting a mix of all the dynamics between them all and the longer the meeting is going on the more B’s eye is just TWITCHING because his Dad senses are just going hay wire and he is just here like ‘I cannot say anything in front of the league because they cannot know I have children cause I'm Batman and I work alone blah blah blah’, usual brooding, but Damian and Tim are squabbling with one another about a rescue that took place an hour ago and Dick is challenging Jason to a parkour contest and Steph is challenging the Riddler to a riddle off with riddles she made up and have no answer just to piss him off and his dad sense is just like an alarm going off and then he just cant take it anymore cause Duke (pretend he’s on nightshift to make up for the man down or smth idk shh) says something like ‘I'm going to do my book report in the morning Richard leave me be’ even though Bruce KNOWS he isn't going to do it in the morning, this has happened before they have an AGREEMENT, a CONTRACT god damn it but they don't know Bruce is listening to the comms Duke just goes something like “its fine B won't even find out!” and Bruce just LOSES it there and then and just presses his comm and goes “NO. No, stfu all of you I am taking charge here” and he just starts going off on them all for the different things they were whining about like

“No Signal, go and do your damn book report right now you are not going to be doing it in the morning you always say you will and you never wake up early enough to get it done so then you end up speed doing it in the car while nearly stress crying and I am cannot deal with that while running on 49 hours of no sleep so go and do it right this damn minute. I am TIRED, I am tired boy go. GO. I love you, goodnight.” 

“N go and unload the damn dishwasher. I asked you four. FOUR days ago to do it and A is not coming home until next week please I am begging you I have been drinking my coffee out of bowls and a straw for days now. Thank you, I love you goodnight.”  

“Red Robin. Put the coffee down. No- I know its in your hand I can feel it. I can feel it in my BONES child you cannot hide from me, down. Now. Good. Get a piece of fruit and go to bed. No I don't give a fuck if- no. I don't care if the pentagon has laughably easy security to bypass right now it has been over 72 hours since you closed your eyes I WILL call A I will, I’ll do it right now. I’m calling him right now- good okay goodnight. I’m sending Dick to check on you to make sure you’re actually sleep. I love you too goodnight”  

“Robin I know you're there. Damn right go to bed, Titus can go with you yes you don't have to ask every night baby its going to be the same answer, I love you goodnight.” 

“Hood and Spoiler stop trying to goad rogues into fighting each other and go home. Hood will you- thank you. Goodnight I love you both....no S I will not ask Ivy if she’ll make you real life lil shop of horrors plant to leave at your ex’s house please stop asking. Goodnight.”   

"C are you- I love you too."

And he just lets out this enormous, patented Dad sigh and looks up after a few moments and realizes the entire justice league is just watching him absolutely GOBSMACKED because oh my god how long has this been going on for?? because like what the fuck this was cold, calculated, ‘they think he's actually a robot’ Batman, who just all of a sudden just went BOOM father mode is activated, this is a patriARCH, you know? Daddy bats alright. And he's just like, his facial expression doesn't so much as twitch but a light blush just appears on his entire face and then Clark is just like HEART EYES and Hal is just like HEARTEYES (??!!) and Barry is suddenly having a sexuality crisis because what the fuck is this, and Diana is just like, speechless but in love and he just mumbles after a few moments “...you can continue your speech Clark I apologize for my lapse in professionalism” and Hal is just like “NAH MOTHERFUCKER YOU ARE NOT BREEZING PAST THAT WHAT THE FUCK SPOOKY??” and then the entire situation just devolves in chaos.  

[teruthecreator]

i don’t think i’m gonna get better and that’s the scariest part of my life rn

[astonmartinii]

into the arms of another part four | max verstappen social media au

pairing: max verstappen x reader

wedding bells are ringing, but so are charles' ears because no one will stop talking about whether he'll make an appearance on the big day

part one | part two | part three | masterlist | tips

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, yourbff1 and 704,390 others

yourusername: a night to remember where you don't remember much of it

view all comments

user1: how do i become part of this friendship group? real answers only.

maxverstappen1: how do i get to marry HER?

danielricciardo: i ask myself that everyday

maxverstappen1: that's not very girls support girls of you daniel

yourusername: yeah daniel, not being a girl's girl in the summer of barbie, i thought more of you...

danielricciardo: lets not get ahead of ourselves here

user2: y/n and max tag teaming daniel is my favourite thing from this relationship

danielricciardo: tag team? don't give me any ideas

yourusername: DANIEL?

maxverstappen1: DANIEL?

danielricciardo: do NOT pretend that y'all have not thought about it

maxverstappen1: we are getting married in a week do not proposition us for a threesome in a public instagram comment section

user3: max pretending like he's never thought about it

user4: how did we get to this point

yourbff1: threesome talk aside, we're so hot

maxverstappen1: hard agree

yourusername: i love you

yourbff1: i love you too

yourusername: and i love you too

yourbff1: you meant max didn't you ...

yourusername: maybe...

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 1,209,831 others

tagged: danielricciardo

maxverstappen1: this is a public service announcement do NOT let daniel ricciardo plan your stag party because you will not remember a single thing

view all comments

user7: the way like 80% of the grid were at this except charles ...

user8: wow colour me shocked he didn't invite the one guy who keeps disrespecting his fiancee to the stag party

danielricciardo: ummmmm this is false? you had a great time.

maxverstappen1: maybe i did all i know is that the bathroom on that plane did not enjoy it i don't think i can touch vodka ever again

danielricciardo: that was all you big boy, you don't know your limit

yourusername: glad to see you didn't kill him before our wedding

danielricciardo: i am really not liking the lack of faith in me

yourusername: he's literally passed out in the second picture daniel

danielricciardo: he's just taking a snooze RIGHT @maxverstappen1

maxverstappen1: yeah ... i just needed my beauty sleep

yourusername: erm you don't need any beauty sleep pretty boy

maxverstappen1: oh, why thank you 😊

user9: she's literally marrying you babe and ur STILL BLUSHING WHEN SHE CALLS YOU PRETTY

user10: this is really not a good sign for charles attending the wedding

user11: yall ever get tired of bringing this shit up HE FUCKED UP this is merely the consequences of his own actions.

user12: and according to mr. leclerc him and max aren't friends so why would he be invited?

danielricciardo

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1 and 1,346,780 others

tagged: maxverstappen1, yourusername

danielricciardo: max is currently passed out on my shoulder after talking for an hour straight about how much he loves y/n so here's my favourite pictures of them before they're officially married.

view all comments

user13: why am i actually dead ass crying over this?

user14: no cause the circumstances have been an actual shit show so i'm glad they've managed to get through it and are finally gonna tie the knot !!

user15: i've been in the literal trenches defending y/n and this relationship i deserve an invite to this wedding

yourusername: @maxverstappen1 omg we're so hot

maxverstappen1: i think you're the hot one babe

yourusername: you're literally the hottest man in the world STOP TALKING DOWN ON YOURSELF

maxverstappen1: i know, i know. i'm amazing, sexy and beautiful.

yourusername: TOO RIGHT

user16: is this ^^ positive affirmations

yourusername: yes, he's way too amazing to not believe that himself

user17: so like do they maybe want to adopt me?

landonorris: so as the sexiest groomsmen, can i have the scoop on whether there'll be any sexy bridesmaid

maxverstappen1: who said you're the sexiest?

landonorris: well since charles is out of the running there's a clear winner here - ME

danielricciardo: assuming the best man is not in this conversation cause my face card clears yours

user18: WAIT WHAT

user19: so it's confirmed, he's missing his best friend's wedding over him being petty, all hope in men is gone

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, landonorris and 1,340,944 others

tagged: maxverstappen1

yourusername: no words. love of my life. best day ever. i love you forever maxy

view all comments

user25: OMFG IT LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL

fernandoalo_oficial: a really beautiful ceremony for my favourites, enjoy your honeymoon and make some time for the old man

yourusername: thank you for coming fernando and thank you for the literal snowmobile idk what we'll do with it but thank you

user26: what kind of a wedding gift is a SNOWMOBILE?

maxverstappen1: a sick one? thanks nando

danielricciardo: what a wonderful day, you guys are so perfect together, thank you for letting me be a part of your day

maxverstappen1: HE CRIED AHAHAHHAHAAHA HE LOVES US SO MUCH HE CRIED

danielricciardo: ummm obviously i watched you pine over her for as long as i've known you. you guys deserve this happiness after everything

yourusername: daniel we love you and your speech was so amazing i nearly cried all of my makeup off

user27: the way the old charles would've given such a banging speech i am in mourning

user28: girl it's their literal wedding post leave the comments about charles for once

sebastianvettel: lovely ceremony you too, much love to your future - seb, hanna and the kids xx

yourusername: thank you for coming seb !! love you guys, let us know if you want us to babysit

maxverstappen1: thank you for your support through all of this seb, you guys are the best

user29: so charles really got no one in his corner lol

maxverstappen1

liked by landonorris, christianhorner and 1,607,899 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: in sickness and in health, the biggest honour of my life is being your husband

view all comments

user30: this is my barbie this does not get any better for me

christianhorner: a wonderful ceremony for the loveliest couple, very grateful to be included in your special day.

masverstappen1: thank you for being there for me, and for not standing on y/n's dress with your two left feet

user31: yall gonna give any context?

user32: i think he's referring to the fact that christian filled the role jos would have at the wedding and during the parents dance, christian would've had a dance with y/n !!

user31: i think my heart just melted wedding of the century

user33: seeing all the wedding content without charles is so weird the whole time we've known y/n her and charles were attached at the hip :/

user34: i beg yall leave it out for one day, he could've been there HE HAD THE INVITATION but he didn't so leave it out

redbullracing: officially THE f1 couple 🫶

landonorris: congratulations and all that jazz but WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT PUNCH

yourusername: sorry lando i gave them the uni recipe

landonorris: oscar was sick on my shoes MY BEAUTIFUL SHOES

maxverstappen1: just send us the bill i can hear you bitching from our room

oscarpiastri: for the record THEY sat me next to kimi and seb and i tried to aim away from your shoes but the world was spinning

user35: okay i need to know the seating plan for this wedding ASAP

excerpt of the podcast interview of y/n y/ln-verstappen.

yourusername

liked by landonorris, maxvertsappen1 and 1,905,988 others

tagged: maxverstappen1

yourusername: my honeymoooooooooooooon with my super sexy and lovely HUSBAND

view all comments

user36: okay i've had enough of the cute posts WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?

user37: i crack myself up thinking about them setting up a lil tripod to take these

yourusername: and?

maxverstappen1: we're serving cunt x

user38: did yall see y/n's podcast interview?

user39: yes i'm glad she's got her closure now and can fully move on with her life

alexalbon: you guys are so sickeningly sweet i love you morons

yourusername: why thank you alex

lilymunhe: he said he deserves compensation for his half a season of listening to max pine

maxverstappen1: people think i'm embarrassed of that when LOOK AT MY WIFE OBVIOUSLY I WOULD PINE

maxverstappen1: and bro your apology was the open bar at the wedding

alexalbon: you guys are underestimating just how much this guy spoke about y/n

yourusername: fine we'll post in our albon shoes

albon_pets: this is why we love you y/n

user39: no charles comment... you hear that? peace.

note: i hope yall enjoyed this probably final part of into the arms of another. i hope it wasn’t disappointing lol i love this pairing with all my heart. (also wrote this at 4am on my couch after a MASSIVE FUCK OFF house spider came in my room (my dad said he killed it when i woke him up at 2am) but i was too scared to stay) xx

[marikosenwrites]

﹒⪩nsfw headcanons - karasuno edition

a/n: YES I AM BACK WITH THE NSFW EDITION HAHAHAHA ... yeah i only did five characters because i'm really running out of time before my vacation (two months long) and i assure you my progress will be really slow but i'll still be posting some random shitposts

characters: hinata shouyou, kageyama tobio, sugawara koushi, tsukishima kei, yamaguchi tadashi

gn/fem!reader

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘HINATA SHOUYOU∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

-i would head canon him as the experimental type

-he’s kind of just the softie that looks after you a lot even during sex (and especially during sex)

-not if he goes feral though- (we don’t talk about it)

-mm…if you were sadistic he would enjoy your sadism and be a ma…masochist- (my friends said i was one and i mean i don’t disagree…)

-likes seeing your face!! so doggy style isn’t really that common for you guys

-(i’m actually looking hard into this wait until i get lazy)

-if you or shouyou something find something new- HE’S ALL “OOH CAN WE TRY CAN WE TRY” even if it’s like two in the morning and you have to tell him to quiet down

-“b-but i wanna try!! 🥺🥺🥺”

-and oh man is that face your weakness- you give in anyway

-his aftercare is like the best

-you guys just watch a movie or chill in each other’s arms because it’s comfortable that way

-if you’re only taking a small break i think shouyou would prefer keeping his dick inside of you so he can feel your warm ass walls 🥺🥺

-i don't even know what i'm writing anymore

-would actually only have sex after you're twenty and would make sure that you guys have dated at least a year but if circumstances...

-idk why but he would like to brag about it to kageyama- i mean they *are* rivals after all-

-has incredible stamina

-uh...idk probably into edging?? i'm really unsure with this one

-his moans are uh??? loud

-ALSO REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME HE GOT HIT IN THE BALLS BY A VOLLEYBALL BY KINDAIICHI-

-i'm not elaborating let me pretend he didn't get permanent balls damage

-also try to avoid quickies with hinata he’s going to get overboarded with that shit

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘KAGEYAMA TOBIO∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

-possible power play?

-you like to make fun of him by calling him 'king' and he's gonna be like "stoppp..." and yk it riles him

-sadist

-not really the needy type tbh

-it’s really more of a “how i’m feeling that day”

-but he’s clingier than you expect him to be

-more of the traditional type actually

-doesn’t really experiment much

-he actually puts in effort during sex (i haven’t read enough about this)

-he TRIED during aftercare (keyword is try)

-might try to make you something but cooking isn’t really his forte

-so he gives you cuddles and you guys might just take a bath but that usually leads to another session-

-down for quickies anywhere

-i forgor to mention

-his moans are pretty

-when you guys make eye contact all you see is a hunter eating his prey

-he loves eating you out or vice versa <3

-literal king in bed tbh 😩

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘SUGAWARA KOUSHI∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

-i'd say average when it comes to sex

-really soft with you, and is barely feral

-small grunts and gentle movements against your skin

-you guys would definitely have a safe word

-he gets carried away sometimes...><

-tries to plan everything before hand

-like starting with a date and ending in bed and shit

-possibly breeding kink when you guys are older

-loves being cockwarmed since he feels so warm on the inside <3

-feral-ness 3/10

-not really down for quickies, it's risky

-doesn't like experimenting

-might prefer to keep your sex life private and unlike hinata and kageyama not brag about it

-but the whole team knows of your relationship

-his stamina is just average so usually just a round and a half and he's down and snoring

-aftercare is a must if he isn't that tired

-consists of food, bubble bath, AND TONS OF CUDDLES

-literally an angel

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘TSUKISHIMA KEI∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

-sadist FR.

-he just loves teasing and edging you

-literally when he's helping you with his slim and long ass fingers he stops when he knows you're going to come and goes like

-"you don't think sluts deserve to come, do you?"

-kEiiiii stappppp plz 🥺

-but when he's not edging you he's just a marshmallow

-so fluffy

-OK BUT HIS LONG ASS FINGERS ARE HELL BECAUSE HE GETS TO TEASE YOU ENDLESSLY

-that tall ass blond is gonna tease you endlessly about your height (this hc is both nsfw and sfw)

-pretty moans though <3 probably gives you goosebumps

-there probably is a safe word

-PHONE SEX PHONE SEX PHONE SEX RAHHHH I'M GOING CRAZY HEAR ME OUT

-OK WHAT IF HE'S AT CAMP AND HE JUST CALLS YOU BECAUSE HE FEELS HORNY AND YOU GUYS *lip biting*

-ya get what comes next he guides you to touching yourself and vice versa <33333

-but it's not that often he VOLUNTARILY goes to camp (he also wouldn't call you during the potential youth training camp thing)

-down for quickies anywhere

-i feel like he would be into getting caught by both girls and boys because now they know you belong to him and he belongs to you

-sooo yeah <3 ain't he lovely

-his teasing is crazy btw if you hadn't gathered that from the anime that is like "who said you could come, slut?" and "yeah baby, doing well-" it's like two hell and heaven differences

-his aftercare is amazing though because he shows his soft side

-lightest teasing maybe

-protecc at all costs

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘YAMAGUCHI TADASHI∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

-masochist for a change bc well kei

-really really really gentle with you during sex

-safe word needed!! he gets overboard sometimes

-doesn't really moan that much contrasting to public opinion

-more groans and grunts

-loves to be cock-warmed

-no quickies nuh-uh

-kind of afraid of getting caught to be honest

-no kinks though tadashi's average when it comes to sex

-no phone sex either i guess he's the type of guy that FIRMLY believes that his cum only belongs in your pussy and nowhere else

-squeezes you hard when he comes

-i really shouldn't be doing this at school when i'm supposed to be working but integrity doesn't exist

-i hc that if you want to experiment smth with him

-he would do it with you <3

-overall a fluffy relationship

©marikosenwrites 2023-2024 all rights reserved. i do not own any of the haikyuu characters mentioned. please do not repost on any other platforms or translate them. likes, reblogs, and comments are welcomed! <3

tell me if you want more characters!

[masuchu]

“𝐙𝐎𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐄𝐒” [BSD MEN]

what happens when the bsd men’s gf gets zoomies? ‧₊˚

genre. fluff !! kinda silly ngl . perhaps ooc but idk

characters. dazai, chuuya & fyodor

love, masu. this has been rotting in my drafts for sooooo long!! i polished it off and i love it now!! it’s a very stupid idea, but who even cares

(大哉) 𝐃𝐀𝐙𝐀𝐈 ‧₊˚

Zoomies are contagious for this man. When you start sprinting around your shared apartment for absolutely no apparent reason, he questions nothing and joins you.

As much as he finds it amusing to sit back and watch you run around like a toddler, he feels the childish longing to join you bubbling up inside him.

When you crash into things? He crashes into them too! You’ll clean later, for now, he’s perfectly content to copy your strange antics.

However, he can only last so long running around like a lunatic. He will be worn out by the end of your spree!

“Bella, how are you still going? I feel like I’m going to die…”

You halted your movements and peered down amused at your heaving boyfriend, strewn out clumsily on your sofa.

“Aw, can’t keep up Samu’?” You teasingly muttered against your lover’s lips, much too close to escape without being gripped firmly and ambushed with kisses.

“Haha! Leave me alone!” You giggled at the ticklish feeling of his lips teasing all around your face.

“So long as you stay here with me and stop giving yourself whiplash~”

You giggled again. “For you.”

(中也) 𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐔𝐘𝐀 ‧₊˚

Oh my god, not a day goes by where you don’t severely decrease the concentration of braincells in this man’s head.

When suddenly begin to dart around his million dollar apartment with seemingly zero spacial nor social awareness, you actually stun him.

Jaw dropped, eyes switching from wide to squinted every few seconds, completely and utterly speechless.

What the fuck were you doing?? This man loves you with every fibre of his being, every inch of his soul— however, sometimes you really do make him question if you were, well, okay.

When he gets over his initial shock, he shakes his head and pretends it never happened. He may chuckle and call you something along the lines of ‘damn weirdo’, but he really does love you and your oddness!

Your heavy breaths are all that can be heard throughout the room, hands on your hips in attempt to allow more oxygen into your lungs.

“Ah! I’m so tired, what are you drink— Why are you looking at me like that?”

You finally take notice of your boyfriend’s humorously perplexed stare, and shake your head at his expression.

“What on earth was that?!”

“What was what?”

Chuuya blink twice and lets his head fall back, allowing a mix of a groan and a laugh to escape his lips.

“Forget about it.”

(费���多尔) 𝐅𝐘𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑 ‧₊˚

Fyodor tends to allow you to do your thing in these situations.

He understands you aren’t looking for attention, your nerves are just going haywire. So long as you don’t break anything or kill anyone (anyone important, at least), he is perfectly content with carrying on with his work and leaving you to your devices.

That is, until you do break something.

The torment you put this man through is humorous, considering his occupation and life goals. He prays he may live one day without something happening.

“What, exactly, am I looking at?”

You look down at the shattered vase on the floor, and let out a shaky laugh. A laugh that was more of a ‘shit! I am in trouble’ rather than a ‘this is very funny’.

“Urm. Well, I sort of crashed into the table. And then, it kind of, very much fell off and shattered.”

A moment that was much too long for you liking passed by painfully. You shuffled from foot to foot, and placed you gaze anywhere but your lovers face. It was not in Fyodor’s nature to feel empathy, but he didn’t care about the vase. And he supposed it would be a hassle to deal with you in an apologetic and guilty state…

“It is fine, I didn’t care for it much. Though, please refrain from destroying any more of my ceramics when you continue… doing whatever you were doing.”

“I will try. And it’s called ‘zoomies’!”

“….Right.”

2024 © masuchu , do not repost, reword, plagiarise, take inspiration, translate or share my work anywhere!

[slayfics]

If you don’t mind me dropping a request for Katsuki headcanons then here I am…

(I know I’m in a whole other famdom right now and I don’t even simp for Bakugo (he’s yours he’s yours, I got a dif man 😉) but I’m bored and this is just an idea)

So.. what if Bakugo was dating a y/n that was just as much of an idiot as Kaminari 😥

If you haven’t done this already -

Katsuki dating a silly reader.

700 words~

Katsuki pretends to be annoyed by your air headedness but actually finds it adorable. He feels responsible for watching out for you.

He is quick to tell off anyone who insults you.

He secretly loves that you get along well with his friends.

However, he is insecure about the way Kirishima and Kaminari can have you rolling in laughter effortlessly. He won't ever mention it but it's apparent by the pout he has any time you're laughing at Kaminari's newest joke.

He loves the way you can cut through his seriousness and bring whimsy to his life. He doesn't know what he'd do without you. Heck, probably never smile again.

He is quick to catch you with any mistakes you make, albeit he scolds you for it.

He is overly tough with you when you spar, but it's only because he wants you to be as strong as you can be to take out any villains you face.

Katsuki's friends are constantly blown away by the things you get him to agree to do. Shopping at a dumb mall? Fine, he'll hold your bags. Going to an amusement park with way too many screaming kids? "Fine- if you really want to go." Singing along to a cheesy ass song? Mmm maybe, don't press your luck too far...

You brought back your food and sat at the outside table of the sports bar rejoining the boys. Music played as different sports ball games played on the various screens outside.

"Tch- why'd you two choose this place anyway? None of us give a damn about these games," Katsuki said huffing and gesturing to the TVs.

"It's the only place that's in the middle of all our places," Denki explained, as you began to take bites of your food.

"Mmm I guess- the food is shit though," Katsuki continued to complain but took a bite of his food all the same.

The song changed to an easily recognizable tune: Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler. Your and Eijiro's eyes immediately locked. The first verse synced up between the both of you as you sang.

Turn around~

Every now and then I get a little bit lonely

And you're never coming 'round

"No, stop." Katsuki huffed at you both beginning to sing. However, Katsuki's annoyance was only met with Denki joining in on the next verse.

Turn around~

Every now and then I get a little bit tired

Of listening to the sound of my tears

"Are you kidding me," Katsuki complained hiding his face in his hand. Which let Hanta know it was his turn to chime in. The four of you now had a choir.

Turn around~

Every now and then I get a little bit nervous

That the best of all the years have gone by

You three continued to sing increasing your enthusiasm with each lyric. Feeding off one another's enthusiasm.

Turn around, bright eyes~

Every now and then I fall apart

"Come on Bakugo, you know this song," Denki said nudging him during the instrumental part of the song.

"Hell no you're out of your mind!" Katsuki yelled. "Shut the hell up you four- you're making a scene."

"Awe~ Come on Kats~" You encouraged him. "You gotta do the next part with us!"

Katsuki eyed you irritated as Eijiro swayed back and forth in his seat matching Denki's dance movements.

You and the boys began singing back as the lyrics picked up again. This time, even louder and more enthusiastic than before.

And I need you now tonight

And I need you more than ever

And if you hold only hold me tight

We'll be holding on forever.

Then to all your surprise, Katsuki chimed into the last verse with you all.

I really need you tonight

Forever's gonna start tonight

Katsuki talked out, his version of singing, while you four sang as loud as ever.

"Let's go Kacchan," Denki laughed clapping his hands together in excitement.

"Awe so cute- you'd do anything they asked," Eijiro said with a giggle earning himself a bark from Katsuki.

"SHUT UP SHITTY HAIR!"

tags: @queenpiranhadon @unofficialmuilover @maddietries @fiannee @i-heart-carlisle @derangedmango @matchat3a @bakugouswaif @reneinii @zanarkandskylines @pastelbakugou @abadbitchblogs

[simpjaes]

Omgg you should do a experienced!reader and inexperienced/virgin bf!hyung line, I feel like some of them would be like nervous or anxious about their first time 😭

hyung line + losing their virginity to reader

warnings: submissive men, not all of them are boyfies but just assume you end up dating

jake:

definitely looks, acts, and talks like a virgin, probably has a porn addiction too. also the type to fall in love the second someone touches his dick. Im talking one little squeeze and he's like "i'm in love with you."

you go on a date with him and instantly you can't tell if he's using you to get rid of said virginity or if he genuinely likes you. it's a bit of both, tbh. like the second he saw you he was like "i hope she jumps on me"

you don't mind inexperienced men, virginity doesn't really mean anything unless the other person cherishes it, and you happen to love hooking up. and like, you would try your best to make it somewhat special for him, though he doesn't really pay attention bc he's too horny to be nervous or afraid.

definitely misses the hole twice before you help him put it in, instantly rolls his eyes back and can't stop from fucking forward :( premature ejaculation and all, but he makes it up to you by letting you guide him by the hair while eating u out ♡

jay:

the virgin that you'd assume isn't one until you actually see what he acts like when he's horny :/ also has a huge porn addiction and is the guy on a dating app texting you at 3am (when he's not being nervous about it) like "wyd? wanna meet up?"

ofc you wanna meet up, but it's not like you were expecting him to immediately expect you to give him head as soon as you see him. i mean, you definitely did do that tho.

when it came his turn to do all of the foreplay and stuff, that's when you realize this guy is a virgin and trying to pretend like he isn't, nervous as fuck that you'd make fun of him for it considering he's definitely old enough to have had more experience than this.

and you'd be like "don't tell me..."

and he'd be like "no!!!! i've had so much sex!"

he's a liar, you could tell in the way he rubbed your left lip :/ still, his nervousness turns into obligatory service top shit, where he asks you to tell him what to do, and that you can't leave until you actually come. and boy do you. like over and over again, because he's determined to make you feel as good as that pussy made him feel.

sunghoon:

tripping over his own feet to get to the bed with you on your 2 month anniversary bc he's held out due to nervousness. by the time he gets to the bed, he's the one pretending to be too tired bc he genuinely is so freaked out that he can't live up to what you might expect of him.

"Hoon, all of it feels good, i don't have to orgasm."

"But!!"

ends with you riding him half to death, practically using him like a sex toy, and him becoming a pile of mush under you. His eyes would be glued to your tits and hands glued to your ass :/

man would be so entirely in awe of how you do it, internally thinking to himself like "this is it, im a real man now-" and he totally gets why people have sex addictions after that point. he would also just get better and better at it, until like a week later he's the one on top of you, plunging in deep like he wasn't too afraid to do it just a couple of sessions ago.

heeseung:

lil bit of degradation over being a virgin. like !!! yes!!! he is such a loser for never having fucked the way he talks like he does!

im not lying, he would be in the room over playing games all fucking night with his friends, talking bout how he and you fuck all the time. you always laugh at him for it like "imagine if they found out you're a virgin." and he'd be like "why am I a virgin again?"

and ofc it's because you don't just wanna...like....take that from him, until he turns into an absolute menace of a man, trying to touch you, trying to be the whore he wants to be. i'm talking head under your skirt on the couch type shit. fr he gets hella experience with foreplay before you finally give in and let him stick it in. only after he promised you that "losing my virginity isn't that big of a deal, just let me fuck you!"

he was a lil eager, rhythm wasn't that great either, but he was truly trying his best and you guess you should probably fake an orgasm so he can actually boast to his friends about it.

except you don't fake it, and you're shocked that he just...kept going after getting off, staying hard and literally railing you until you had no choice but to come :/

[steventhusiast]

STWG daily prompt 14/9/23

prompt: "You know what? It's not me, it's you."

pairing/character(s): steddie

-

Steve tries to ignore his father's irritated gaze as he eats his food. Bringing Eddie to a rare dinner with his parents was definitely a bold move, but he knows that if Eddie wasn't here he wouldn't survive it. Steve could barely force himself to come back to Hawkins for it, but his mother had guilted him into it.

It's so hard to pretend not to be hurt when his parents ask him things that prove they know nothing about him. (Especially now that he's nearing thirty and has started thinking about having kids himself.) But it's easier with Eddie's hand on his knee, his thumb rubbing back and forth for comfort.

"Steven, I thought I told you this was a family dinner." Robert says, pointedly looking over at Eddie.

To his credit, Eddie looks very comfortable despite the uncomfortable situation. He's meeting Robert's eyes for the subtle glares, and hasn't toned himself down at all. Steve's so glad he's here.

"Yep. You did." Steve answers his father, voice clipped.

Robert rolls his eyes, and that's when Linda finally speaks up. She's nicer about things than Robert is, but it couldn't be more fake. She offers Eddie and Steve a very tense fake smile.

"I think what Robert's trying to say is that we didn't expect you to bring a friend, sweetheart."

This time Steve rolls his eyes. How many times does he have to come out to them for them to stop ignoring it.

"Eddie's not a friend, mom. You know this."

"Steven." Robert warns.

"No, dad. I'm fucking tired of it." Steve says with an incredulous laugh, and Eddie gives his knee a gentle squeeze to catch his gaze.

"It's okay, Stevie."

The sweet tone of Eddie's voice calms Steve a little, and he's about to take a deep breath when Robert slices through the sweet moment.

"Now you're letting him call you a girl's name? I can't believe what this miscreant is doing to you, Steven."

Eddie rolls his eyes at the comment, and from the set of his jaw Steve knows he's gritting his teeth to hold himself back.

"You used to be such a lovely boy, Steven. But if you're still... Adamant about this lifestyle, then I don't know if we can support it. It's very unreasonable and irresponsible of you." Linda adds on.

Steve laughs again at the insinuation that they've ever supported him at all, and lifts a hand to run through his hair as he thinks through his next words.

"No, mom. You know what? It's not me that's being an unreasonable piece of shit here. It's you two. You practically dragged me back to this shithole because you're 'grieving' grandma. I didn't want to come. I don't want to be here right now. But I am. And you're just..." He trails off and makes a vague gesture to the two of them.

Linda's mouth has dropped open from her own son swearing at her, and Robert's face is twisted into an expression of anger. Steve doesn't know why he thought this was anywhere close to a good idea.

"I mean what is this? Why am I here? I am twenty nine years old, and I will not sit here and listen to you talk to the man I love like this."

He makes direct eye contact with Robert as he speaks, not softening his glare at all. If his parents are going to drop the facade of respect, so is he. In fact, after glaring at his parents for a few seconds, he just gets up, grabs Eddie's hand, and pulls him toward the door.

"Fuck this." He mutters as they leave.

"That sucked." Eddie comments once they're in their car, and Steve huffs out a strained laugh as he nods. Now that they're out of that situation, and his adrenaline is starting to crash, inexplicable tears are starting to well in his eyes, "But you have also never been hotter. Standing up to the man like that? Most elaborate foreplay ever, Stevie-bee."

And then the ridiculousness of that comment shocks a laugh out of him, and the tears are gone. He grins over at Eddie and shakes his head at how Eddie's clearly holding back his own laughter.

God, he loves him.

[its-time-to-write]

Hi!! I hope you’re doing well and that you had a wonderful weekend:) My request (if you can) is short and sweet: the first time meeting Jamie’s mum! Maybe a heart to heart between the two women (you loved him first and because of that it is my honor to love him for the rest of my life typa deal) IDK anyway have fun with it and thank you!!!

Done! I love Georgie so much. Like, she gives off total mom vibes in the way where she seems like she’d try to be the sunlight in everyone’s day, you know?

there is happiness

You’re not taking a bus to fucking Manchester. Shit, you’ll take the train or a cab or maybe even walk before you get on a bus for upward of four hours with the Richmond Greyhounds. 

So why are you packing things into a duffel bag to do just that? It probably has something to do with the man sitting on the floor, debating which pants to pack. 

“Do you think I should take the Calvins?” he asks, pretending not to notice the murderous glare you shoot at him. 

“Don’t know why it matters,” you reply carelessly. “No one’s going to be seeing them anyway.”

Jamie gets up and slides his arms around you from behind, pressing a kiss to the crook of your neck. 

“Aw, don’t be so hard yourself babe,” he says. “You’re not no one.”

“You know what I mean,” you say, hugging his arms closer. “I’ll have you know I am very, very upset at you.”

You can feel his smirk against your neck. “Right, yeah, if upset is a new aneurism.”

“Euphemism,” you correct. “Wait. Shit. Or is it aneurism? Hey Siri, what’s the difference between a euphemism and an aneurism?”

Siri responds from your phone. 

You say, “Ah yes, an aneurism is what I’m going to have on that fucking bus ride on the way to meet your mum for the first time.”

Jamie flops backward onto the pile of clothes on the bed. “Babe, I don’t know why you’re so stressed out. It’s just my mum. She don’t bite.”

“Ok, sure. Yeah. I’ll calm down if you tell me exactly how many people you’ve brought home to meet her since making it to the Premier League. Actually, you know what? I’ll make it easier for you. You can even include platonic relationships.”

Jamie’s silent. 

“E-fucking-xactly. It’s just been Roy and Keeley. I wasn’t even this stressed when I met Ted because he likes everyone, but this is your mum. What if she hates me? It’s scary.”

“It’s not scary,” Jamie laughs. “She’s gonna love you.” You’re standing in between his legs now and he pulls you on top of him. “You’ll be fine, love, I promise.”

—

The bus ride was as expected. Smelly, loud, and filled with laughter. The team is still getting in the swing of things without Ted, but they seem to be picking up where he left off. 

You’re not really tired, especially since it’s mid-morning, but you’re pressed against Jamie’s side and he’s warm as always, so you find yourself drifting off.

—

The boys check into their hotel. You’re not staying with Jamie because the boys have all sorts of team-building things going on and Jamie’s mum insisted that she needs girl time.

You squeeze Jamie’s hand the entire way over to his mum and Simon’s place and he doesn’t even make any jokes about it, just squeezes back. 

Your heart rate shoots up a million times when Jamie knocks, then slows down about 10% when Georgie swings open the door and grabs you in a hug, barely giving Jamie any notice. 

“What the fuck?” he asks, amused. “Hey Simon, how’re you doing?"

“Oh lord, I told myself I wasn’t going to cry,” says Georgie, wiping away a tear. “Never thought he’d come home with a real, actual girl.”

Jamie makes an offended noise. “The fuck do you call all the girls I’ve been with?”

Georgie swats his arm playfully. “You know what I mean, love. None of them were built to last. Only one I sort of liked was that Keeley Jones, but I was never quite convinced you were right for her. But this one- well, must be the first girl you’ve brought home since primary school.”

“Come inside, come inside,” says Simon. “No sense standing in the doorway with the food getting cold.”

He ushers everyone inside and to the couches, and Georgie is latched onto Jamie’s arm now. He’s chattering away about the upcoming match and Roy as the manager, leaving you to take in your surroundings. There are photo prints on the walls and soft lighting and a table with photos of Jamie at every age. 

You smile at him as a baby, same giggly face as ever. 

It’s a nice evening. Simon’s made dinner and Georgie can’t stop beaming or ruffling Jamie’s hair. You’re the only other person on the planet allowed to touch his hair without warning.

He has to leave all too soon (“It’s a pillow fight, babe, and Sam’s fucking asking to get decked in the face,”) so you kiss him goodbye then head inside. It’s just Jamie’s family minus Jamie, and you have no idea how it’s going to go. Is this the moment Georgie tells you she actually hates you and you need to leave her baby boy alone? 

No. What happens instead is she takes your arm and leads you up the stairs to Jamie’s old room.

“Hasn’t changed since he left,” she beams. “Now come on, let’s chat just us girls! I feel like I already know you, what with the way Jamie talks about you all the time. Hardly a word out of his mouth that isn’t about you or footie.”

You grin. “He’s a man of singular tastes, that’s for sure.”

Georgie laughs. “Oh, I bet you’re good for him! Don’t let his head get too big, that’s for sure. My wee sexy baby always did need someone to take him down a few pegs here and there. But don’t let him fool you. He’s fragile as the next person, that one.”

You smile and say, “You two are so similar. He calls himself a ‘sexy baby,’ or a ‘wee sexy lad,’ all the time. And he can’t fool me. I know exactly who he is.”

Georgie’s eyes twinkle as she squeezes your hand. Not quite as strong as Jamie, but still the same type of grip. “Oh I’m sure of that, darling. I’m glad he’s got you all the way out there in Richmond. He’s been alone for a good while.”

You’re well aware of Jamie’s history since leaving Manchester. 

“You know, Keeley’s actually the one who kind of kickstarted all of this,” you say. “We’ve been friends for ages, and she- well, she sort of helped Jamie become a better version of himself.”

Georgie laughs. “Oh, you don’t have to sugarcoat it for me, love. I raised that lad, remember.”

“Ok, fine,” you say smiling, “She broke up with him because he was a massive prick, which started this whole redemption arc and she kind of forced us together at this event and, well, you know the rest. I just feel really, really lucky to be with him. Like if I were anywhere else at any other time, we could have missed each other. I could have missed him so easily.”

You shake your head. It’s hard to imagine a life without Jamie, and you wonder where you’d be at this exact moment if things had gone differently. What would be happening if you’d fought Keeley just a little more?

It doesn’t matter because Georgie’s squeezing your arm and saying, “But you’re here, darling. And it’s so wonderful that you two found each other, because I haven’t seen my baby smile like that in ages. I’ve got no worries about either of you.”

She pulls you into a hug, and it’s all you can do to keep from tearing up. 

God, who knew Jamie’s family would be so quick to accept you?

—

It’s late now, but you’re positive Keeley is still awake so you open your phone to send her a message.

You could have warned me, you text.

Three bubbles appear, then: what do you mean babe?

You roll your eyes. Fucker. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Your crazy football knockers are staring at me while I’m trying to sleep.

Keeley instantly responds with three angel emojis. I’m watching over you like a fucking guardian angel!

There’s a pause, then she texts, don’t know what Roy is. maybe the devil.

You snort at that. Roy Kent? Grump with a heart of gold? You don’t think so.

You close your text thread with Keeley and open the one with Jamie.

Nice football sheets, you write. Maybe we should get some for our room.

Jamie responds way too fast with an Amazon link and and an x. You smile then flip your phone over on the nightstand so you can get some good sleep, with Jamie’s guardian angels staring down at you.

[sneezyonmain]

Today on this wonderful June day I am thinking about a dark-haired, toned man in his early to mid-20s, who is a chronic workaholic. He's got some standard corporate job and wears suits that don't do justice to the body underneath, save for when he rolls up his sleeves to reveal his sculpted arms.

I am thinking about such a man catching an unfortunate cold, but simply shoving a pack of tissues into the pocket of his suit, taking a double dose of Dayquil, and forcing himself to go to work anyway. He's not the type to miss a day of work, nor is he the type to appear weak, even though his face is pale, his cheeks are flushed, and his nose is an angry pink.

I am thinking about him throughout the course of the day, insisting he's fine. He's sniffling his way through meetings, suppressing weak coughs, and not so discreetly blowing his nose when he thinks no one is looking.

I am thinking about him unfortunately discovering that this is a particularly itchy cold, as the medicine slowly wears off. He's holding his breath as he goes through the halls, only to swiftly shut the door to hide his dripping, red nose and the bags under his eyes. He spends hours straining to focus on his work, but he has to pause so frequently to scrub at his nose with a finger, trying to suppress the tickle that won't subside. His trash bin soon overflows with tissues.

I am thinking about how the day nears its end, he begins to think he may have gotten away with his little ruse. There's just over an hour until he can go home and rest, only a short while that he must continue to pretend to be well.

I am thinking about his rival and co-worker, perhaps an occasional lover, who is equally ambitious and eager to tease him. I am thinking that they have certainly noticed his not-so-subtle sniffling, and heard the stifles even through the walls of his office. I am thinking they find him, either out of a desire to gently bully him or maybe pity. They walk to his desk with a knowing look, eyeing his muscular arms past his rolled-up sleeves as he shoves more tissues in the bin, and they remark on his strange behavior.

"I'm fine," He insists, and he intends to continue. His rival intends to interrupt, to tease him about his sniffles and his tired expression, but they don't get a chance.

I am thinking about the way his breath hitches, and his rival's expression shifts. I'm thinking about the way his arms and shoulders flex, his nostrils flaring. The first word of his next sentence gives way to a buildup, and he realizes with annoyance that oh shit, they're wearing that damned perfume, the one that always makes his sinuses itch and burn. He's so tired at that point and so caught off guard by the irritant that he can't even bother to get a tissue, his whole torso is tense and his lungs shakily fill with air. He lets out his first unstifled sneeze of the day, and is causes his body to lurch forward with a force that startles even him.

His rival is left standing, lightly sprayed and surprised, and all he can let out is an exhausted "--guhh". He wipes his nose with his wrist and makes eye contact with them. All they can think of is that he really needs a nap, preferably in their bed.