#I am the Jedi council

[infinitepunches]

Every character on The Acolyte is competing to be the least likable character on The Acolyte.

But none can hold a candle to Vernestra Rwoh.

[izzystizzys]

There is a scratch mark on the floor of the Council chambers that Mace has never noticed before. Not a deep one, mind, quite shallow. This matters because it’s making the white-hot pulse of agony stabbing through his eyeballs ebb momentarily. Then, he chances a glance upwards at the fidgeting Knight in front of them, and it returns in full force.

Huh, he’s never seen Oppo Rancisis’ face turn that colour before.

“Hmm”, Master Yoda hums, deep and scratchy. His expression is unreadable even to Mace beyond a baseline gremlinness, and the force with which he grips the edges of his seat is making his bones creak. Master of the Order you should become, they said. Follow the calling of the Force, you should. A fulfilling purpose, it will be. Mace is going to hunt the little goblin for sport when this is all over, and he’s going to laugh the whole time.

“Show us the livestream again, could you, Knight Parvo?” Yoda asks. Mace bursts a capillary, he’s pretty sure, and so does poor Knight Parvo, whose orange Mon Cala skin tips all the way into blood red with stress. “Most unusual, this is.”

“Absolutely not!”, Ki Adi intervenes before Mace has to, thank the Force for little mercies. Plo Koon’s tusks tremble slightly with either suppressed laughter or abject horror, maybe both, and Stass Allie has her head in her hands. “The holo stills should be enough”, Ki Adi proceeds to add, and Mace has to reconsider all feelings of grace he just felt towards his fellow Councillor.

He never wants to watch Yoda zoom in on someone’s abs again. Or Depa raise her eyebrows at the curve of thighs bent over the dripping front of a speeder.

“Speeder Wash For Our Troops”, his former padawan reads out loud from a still of what has to be hundreds of the things gathered in the public senate parking lot. “Fund Our Boys And Get A Wet Seeing-To!” The series of images features dozens of Coruscant Guard troopers in various stages of unkitted, gleaming and shining with soap suds and water. The fact that the whole thing is also massive shatterpoint after massive shatterpoint is, quite frankly, insulting.

“Well hello- oh dear”, Obi-Wan’s blue form crackles to life in his chair, followed by several sounds of choking that are definitely not him. Good, Mace thinks acidly. If he has to deal with this, then so does kriffing Skywalker. “I’m sorry, why am I looking at Commander Thorn using a washrag like a lasso on top of a speeder?���

“Oh, the Guard’s little fundraising project”, Bail Organa says, as he steps into the Council chambers. Normally, Mace likes the man well enough. Now, he just smiles and adds on, “I’ve already donated, in mine and Breha’s name. Remotely, of course.”

“The Guard’s fundraising speeder wash?”, Obi-Wan repeats, edges of his holo form flickering with what Mace suspects is Skywalker very unsubtly trying to edge in. Force, but the man really is horrible at any and all stealth, like kissing his secret wife in an open arena in front of his Master. “And they are fundraising for…?”

“GAR budget allocations have to come from somewhere”, Organa shrugs. “And with the tide of public opinion turning, they’ve been tending towards cuts. The Guard feels them more keenly than any other sector - they’ve been reduced from half to quarter rations, and medical supplies have not made more than a token appearance in the last draft. The Chancellor has cancelled three consecutive meetings on the matter, and thus it was agreed that a more hands-on approach was needed. Any surplus will go into the Army fund.”

“Surely it can’t be that dire”, Oppo protests, a slightly less concerning shade of purple now. Senator Organa shrugs again, jostling the smattering of cracks slowly building around his person in a way that makes Mace wince quietly. “It’s all publicly available data, Masters.”

It really can be that dire, as it turns out. And quarter rations is only scratching the surface of how dire, considering the Guard has apparently never had access to bacta in all their posting, and also includes requisitioning forms available to the Senate for reconditionings and decommissionings, two words Mace has only heard Ponds whispers amidst shuddering in the early days of the war before Shaak Ti went off and just about tore some throats out over it.

“Alright”, he concedes, rubbing at his temples. “Fair enough, we have failed to tackle a massive blind spot in the Guard’s well being. There is no Jedi assigned to Coruscant, and that’s an oversight on our behalf. But how in the everloving kriff did this get past the Chancellor and Commander Fox?!”

Who have both signed, black on white. Bail Organa smiles cryptically. “Well, if you scroll a bit past that one image, up to the industrial speeder in the back - Commander Fox is currently having credits stuffed into his codpiece in the back, I believe.”

“HE’S WHAT IN THE WHAT NOW”, Commander Cody screeches through the speaker of Obi-Wan’s holo image, and Mace has to summon every bit of Jedi-serenity he possesses in his body to keep from dropkicking a cackling Yoda through the chamber windows.

[the-senates-one-fear]

You have so much to do

And I have nothing ahead of me

[clonehub]

I wonder what the state of internal Jedi politics was like before their fall. Obviously internal fractures wouldn't have been Their Fault and wouldn't have even remotely led to their downfall but you can't tell me that out of the thousands of adult Jedi there weren't any who sat out of the war or had more doubts about it than just what we see. What about the Jedi who were opposed to the use of the clones? The Jedi who think the Order is on the wrong path without immediately going Sith about it. The Jedi who don't get involved in anything. The political opportunists, whatever that may mean for them. The radicals and extremists. The ones who want more war because of a fucked up and wildly misinterpreted Force dream they had (and how people respond to that one in particular).

[redbean-nom]

au that's the opposite of a time travel fixit. angry baby boba ends up in phantom menace and blows up the temple trying to kill windu. revan, malak (alek/squint), and cassus get deposited into the mandalore arc in tcw. jedi dooku and qui gon get launched into the middle of the death star throne room.

[acemdzsfan]

All religions have their downfalls and the idea of a Force Sensitive being forced to be a Jedi just rubs me the wrong way for several reasons.

But I do find the idea of the happy carefree Jedi before the war as a comforting head cannon.

I want to choose to believe that leaving the Order didn't permanently cut you off from your family/friends in the Order and that you could walk away at any time. But canon very clearly exhibits exactly the opposite, and it makes me uncomfortable.

Well intentioned as the Order may have been, it still did harm quite a few people who didn't quite fit into their light box.

People who were unable to control and channel their emotions well enough. People who were a bit too touched by the dark. People who questioned and searched the deepest parts of the force. "Non-traditional" Jedi.

Also, they clearly weren't properly monitoring their Master-Padawan pairs because Qui-Gon was absolutely shitty to Obi-Wan before and after taking him on.

[dapurinthos]

i have developed a deep loathing for people who are all 'yes i have done a completely integrated star wars legends/disney clone wars timeline' and then it turns out the timeline is just a list of book chapters, comic pages, and episode titles. no. that is not a timeline. that is a timetable. a timeline has events.

(the only valid timeline creator is the person behind numidian prime, with the continuity breakdown category and a complete disney-canon timeline, which is my saviour)

this is worse than calibrating theoretical theran eruption dates to a lunar calendar while also remembering to keep the precession of the equinoxes in mind so that the seasons are also in the right place, and that nasa kindly put the calendar in the right order so that everything from 4 october 1582ce is indeed in the julian calendar but all the dates need a year added to them to be the correct bce one.

such as: in 1518bce, the winter solstice was on 3 ianuarius, there was a penumbral lunar eclipse on the 12th, the vernal equinox was on 5 aprilis, the summer solstice of 7 iulius had a full moon (1518bce was a very special year where the moon was waxing from new on the winter solstice, full on the summer). there was a partial solar eclipse on 22 iulius, spica rose c. 18 september, the sun began to shine in the throne room of knossos c. 26 september, 11 days before the lunar new year, meaning that there weren't any intercalary days to add that year. the autumn equinox was on 7 october, shortly before the sowing of flax seed. the new lunar year probably began c. the 19th (since the new year was in autumn), which would be followed by the opening of the new wine.

i am what they call intense about chronology.

oh wow i haven't used the minoan novel tag in just over six years. i wonder if i'd be able to do better at it now that i'm on the vyvanse with my newly acquired concentration powers.

no. bad. stop. it will still be there after figuring out gffawmbctta (why did i decide to give a ridiculous title to this fic monster? probably because it is a monster

[theautisticcentre]

"If the Jedi Council granted Anakin the rank of master, they wouldn't have died!"

A) Palpatine could've found another manipulation tactic

B) Anakin's tantrum of being denied the rank of master kinda proved the council right

[klazje]

cannot believe into the dark has me on the jedi councils side bruh

[kstarlitchaotics]

Even if the council was right just imagine how much possible less pain and agony Anakin would have been for himself and for everyone around him if they would have taken him in

[marvelstars]

I don´t think they would send him to the street either, probably thought to send him to republic´s social services or something like that but Qui-Gon choosing to bring 9 year old Anakin to a battle doesn´t help matters to explain the Jedi Order particulary cared about Anakin´s fate, it looked more like from their pov after interviewing Anakin and deciding not to train him was the extend of their responsibility to him, they would just send him on his way to either Republic social services or back to Tatooine and they didn´t explain anything to Anakin either, he was like, you know master Qui-Gon sir, I don´t want to be a bother? I can support myself alright, already know how to work and all that.

I believe Lucas was going for an ascetic kind of Jedi Order in which most of their members talk in mystical ways and prefer isolation and management of the passions, etc which is alright but this clashes with the reality of caring for a child they didn´t want to bring to the Temple and they are supposed to be this way, Lucas wrote Anakin´s rejection from the Jedi Council in relation to Amidala´s rejection of appeal to the Senate to save her world.

Neither the Senate or the Jedi Order are the phantom menace, they are not the bad guys but they are written as obstacles for the protagonists in TPM.

☐ single

☐ taken

☑ thinking about the scene in dooku: jedi lost where yoda and dooku are discussing a jedi named yula braylon who secretly had a son and hid him out of fear that the jedi would hate her for it, aka the exact fear anakin had with padme in rots, and yoda confirmed that if she had told the council, the council would have helped her, just like they would have helped anakin:

[skeletons-eat]

Ngl joining the jedi order sounds like the ideal life to me because just imagine:

1. People regulate thier emotion and communicate to you logically. No need to understand social cues when you're an empath.

2. No pressure to marry, be in a romantic relationship and live in a nuclear household my entire life.

3. I can just?????? Help people?????? Without the extra cost of a system working me to the ground to achieve certain things????

4. No strings attached companionship and friendships? Amazing.

5. A caring and respectful community who council each other and accepts who I am as a person? Count me in.

6. Lightsaber go brrrrrrrrrr

7. Being able to do what I want career wise (Gardening, art, politics, piloting, exploring, childreering, medicine, teaching, etc.) without having to worry about money.

8. Tax fraud

[dukeoftheblackstar]

I blame you for this filth @keebeees

[threebea]

Okay I love the fanon Dooku and Obi-Wan dynamic and all of them getting along and being a great master and Padawan pair.

But consider...

Au where for whatever reason Dooku has to take on Obi-Wan's apprenticeship and they absolutely hate each other.

Dooku (68 and trying to get seduced to the dark side): are you going to tattle to the council again?

Obi-Wan (19 and not having it): are you going to drop protocol and try to choke someone out with the Force again?

Like Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon always had their moments of friction but the level of ice that can develop between Dooku and Obi-Wan is legendary.

Obi-Wan: Master I don't think siding with capitalists and billionaires will help the people of this planet like you think it will.

Dooku: the red tape of the republic-

Obi-Wan: is there to ensure walkways have guard rails. Do you see a guard rail here? If knighthood doesn't pan out I'm applying for a job with Space OSHA.

Dooku: Padawan the Jedi are the attack dogs of the Senate.

Obi-Wan: hey I am not the one using the force to choke people on my missions. I use my words. I think you'll find you're the one attacking--

Dooku: are you ever going to let that go?

Obi-Wan: of course Master! I know how to let go! Unlike you when you're crushing someone's windpipe!

Dooku: why you little-

Obi-Wan: *choking sounds*

Mace: you've been together for a month, surely this is just a rocky first step.

Dooku lifts his arm, Obi-Wan is biting him hanging off by his teeth: I'm going to level with you Master Windu. I was considering leaving the Jedi and joining a Sith Lord who plans to destroy the Jedi and take over the galaxy, but now my only desire is to get as far away from Obi-Wan Kenobi as I can and never speak to him again.

[saphronethaleph]

The Deal

“Only through me can you achieve a power greater than any Jedi,” Palpatine said. “Learn to know the dark side of the Force, Anakin, and you will be able to save your wife from certain death.”

“What did you say?” Anakin asked.

“Use my knowledge, I beg you…” Palpatine pleaded.

“You’re a Sith Lord!” Anakin said.

He reached for his lightsaber, then paused.

“That story you told, about Darth Plagueis,” he said. “You mean – that was true? He really did discover a way to save people from death?”

“Yes, Anakin,” Palpatine agreed. “And I will-”

“So,” Anakin interrupted, frowning. “How do you know it? You said his apprentice murdered him in his sleep.”

“Because he taught everything to… his apprentice… before dying,” Palpatine explained.

“Again,” Anakin said, patiently. “How do you know it?”

“I was that apprentice!” Palpatine explained.

“So you killed your master in his sleep, and you ordered me to kill your apprentice, Dooku,” Anakin said. “You know, Chancellor, this isn’t a great job offer.”

“But think of what you have to gain, Anakin,” Palpatine said. “I can save your wife. Isn’t that what matters?”

“...yeah,” Anakin agreed, still frowning. “So when did Plagueis die?”

“About… fifteen years ago, now?” Palpatine said. “Maybe sixteen? Something like that. Why does that matter?”

“Just wanting to make sure I’ve got all the information, Chancellor,” Anakin replied. “Who have you been healing? Because I don’t actually think you’ve got any loved ones.”

He made a face. “Obi-Wan once took me aside and told me about what to look out for when an older man was going to try and touch me in the wrong way.”

“You see?” Palpatine asked. “He doesn’t trust you!”

“I see his point, though,” Anakin said. “Because you don’t have any loved ones that I can think of, like I say… so who have you been healing?”

Palpatine frowned.

“...why does that matter, Anakin?” he asked.

“Because it sounds like you learned how to do this at least fifteen years ago and you’ve never actually tried it,” Anakin clarified. “Which really sounds like you can’t do it, or even if you could before your medical license has expired.”

“I most certainly can!” Palpatine said, his patience fraying slightly. “Anakin, I am trying to help you!”

“Okay, then,” Anakin replied. “Teach me now.”

Palpatine made a face.

“If I do that, then how will I know you won’t betray me?” he said.

“...you’re saying that the only thing that would keep me from betraying you is if you don’t teach me the healing technique,” Anakin said, nodding. “So you’ve got no reason to get around to teaching me. I know how to lure an Eopie, Chancellor.”

“It will take too long to teach you, anyway,” Palpatine declared. “We can’t do it tonight. It won’t fit.”

“You’re really trying to help me, huh?” Anakin said. “Because all the visions I’ve been having about my wife dying are about it happening soon…”

He stopped.

“Actually, how do you know about that? I don’t think I ever told you.”

“Oh, please, it’s obvious that you’re married-” Palpatine said, rolling his eyes.

“I mean about the certain death bit,” Anakin explained. “It’s a bit of a guess.”

He frowned, visibly thinking. “And, uh… okay, so what you’re saying is that… you’re a Sith, you want to take direct control of the Jedi, and that’s because of the war against the Separatists, who were led by Count Dooku. Who was your apprentice… and then for me, personally, you want me to turn to the Dark Side so you can teach me a healing technique you’ve never actually used yourself, while you’ve killed the last two people who worked directly with you the moment they were no longer useful to you.”

Palpatine looked pained.

“That’s a very negative attitude, Anakin,” he said.

“I want to make sure I’ve got all this straight, is all,” Anakin replied.

Mace Windu’s commlink beeped, in a specific pattern that indicated it was a member of the Council.

“Windu here,” he said, raising the device to his ear.

“Master, I quit,” Anakin told him. “Also I married Senator Amidala at the start of the war, Palpatine was the Sith Lord, and I’d quite like to sleep for a week at some point. I’ve had a very long day.”

“...what?” Mace asked, a bit overloaded himself.

“Like, I’m pretty sure my day has had the sun go down three times so far,” Anakin went on. “Also the Chancellor exploded when I killed him. It’s okay, he was shooting lightning at me, that makes it fair.”