#I am supposed to be writing stories

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

[aroaceleovaldez]

Mark Oshiro confuses me a little bit not going to lie. In the press tour for the first book all they ever talked about was how Nico is their son and Will is fine I guess. Then they said like 2 weeks before TSATS came out that they didn't understand Will's character at all and it's one of the main reasons why Will has so little POV.

Possibly unpopular opinion but I don't think it's a good, encouraging sign when the writer admits to not really caring about the deuteragonist or not even having a sense of how to write them...

Yeah, no. If you have no interest in 1/2 of the POV characters of your book, you REALLY shouldn't be writing it (or at least, not have that be a main character). Especially when the main way TSATS could have been improved is if it was primarily Will-centric instead of Nico-centric. Will basically had next to no established character prior to TSATS! He was practically a blank slate! But all the new stuff we got for Will in TSATS was so clearly disinterested and had no regard for his previously established traits (or the established timeline/canon). Which is annoying because fleshing out Will would have been the PERFECT opportunity to actually incorporate a lot of the topics that Mark Oshiro specializes in as a sensitivity reader, which was the ENTIRE REASON THEY WERE BROUGHT ON AS A CO-AUTHOR!!!!

As TSATS stands, there is no reason for Mark Oshiro specifically to have been the co-author instead of someone else. It's so clearly just a PR move from RR following the huge backlash Rick received due to his response to criticism on how he wrote Piper and Samirah (and Reyna and etc etc). This was immediately following Rick saying he wasn't going to write what would become TSATS because "it [wasn't his] place to." Most of the topics that Mark Oshiro specializes in either weren't relevant at all to TSATS or written very poorly (to downright offensively) in TSATS, so either Mark Oshiro wasn't doing their job or was not able to do their job for some reason, but either way it basically makes the theoretical justification for Mark Oshiro being the co-author/sensitivity reader irrelevant.

With Will, it was HUGE fanon back in the day for him to be trans. Trans!Will and photokinesis!Will were basically the two biggest headcanons for him (both largely popularized by Cherryandsisters). We know Rick is aware of this old fanon because he canonized photokinesis!Will. If we had gotten trans!Will, that would have been great! And then made sense why we specifically got a trans co-author! (Instead, if anything, TSATS canonized Will being cis.) If we had gotten Will being latino, that would have been amazing!!!! And also then made sense as to why they chose Mark Oshiro for the job as a latinx author/sensitivity-reader, versus potentially choosing an Italian co-author since Nico being Italian/Venetian was emphasized so much in the book (and done poorly! Yknow what they could have done to fix that? GOTTEN A SENSITIVITY READER FOR IT)! Based on the themes and focuses actually present in the book, it would have been most logical to get a queer, neurodivergent, Italian co-author or sensitivity reader who specializes in those three topics at least. But we didn't! So why was Mark Oshiro chosen instead when they only specialize in one of those topics? PR reasons. It's blatantly entirely PR reasons and no actual thought or care was put into this book (or, likely, TSATS 2 either).

It doesn't help that we're also actively being told that the published version of TSATS was a rough draft. Or that their editor blatantly isn't doing her job. Or that "The Sun And The Star" was the working title that they just kept cause they didn't bother to make an actual title. And that the final version is full of explicitly last-minute scenes that weren't checked over at all (the final Bianca scene, for one). Or the ACTIVELY ADMITTING TO SOURCING IDEAS AND INFORMATION FROM FANS! That last one is kind of important because at this level of publishing that is a HUGE no-no for legal reasons. You can get into a lot of trouble for that and there is a reason why it is Ye Olde Fandom Law to never try to pitch your ideas or headcanons to the source creator(s) and keep fandom separate from the creators. There is a REASON why Rick Riordan is so distant from the community these days and it's for PROTECTION AGAINST LEGAL REPERCUSSION. Mark Oshiro being the exact opposite while also ACTIVELY ACKNOWLEDGING sourcing concepts from fans does not bode well! It has to do with copyright stuff.

It's just. So. Sighhhhhhhh >->o <- me lying on the floor about all of this. It's sad being able to see the glimmer of what could have been at the very least a decent book underneath all this. If anyone involved in the process had actually cared just the tiniest amount.

[justepilepsy]

Okay uhm - I need to say this because I am noticing this a bit in the responses to Somerton's "Apology" video. Do people really think, just because ableism in the workplace is forbidden, that workplaces don't discriminate?

Even if insurance stuff covers your health issues, I won't put it past an employer to let you go with the made up argument it doesn't. Because non-epileptic people are generally very uncomfortable with seeing seizure activity and some of them will prioritize their comfort over sticking to anti-discrimination laws.

I think Somerton's video is full of BS, but I am even more uncomfortable with how happy people are to dismiss Somerton's medical history/symptoms, just so they can argue against him. As if people with disabilities can be absolved for being dicks by accepting their stated medical and discrimination history.

When you don't even have to do so to point out the harm Somerton's logic does?

I mean - I think it's warranted to question James' statements because of his complicated relationship with telling the truth, but I am just kind of bothered by how people argue "this could not have happened because laws/policies" No. Let it have happened. It makes his apology worse if you choose to believe him on this, trust me.

If our response to disabled people acting terrible (stealing other people's material and presenting it as your own), is to accuse said disabled people of lying about their symptoms and diagnosis, I think we are missing the point and problem.

[hnnn-fable]

Oh shoot, big poofy wedding dress alert

[starry-bi-sky]

more cfau miscellaneous things because Childhood Friends Danny and Jason have my head and heart always and I need to finish rewriting chapter two dammit (and redo the half-finished chapter 4 because its just Not The Vibes). i'm almost through I need to get through the graveyard scene. (i just stubbornly refuse to have it be shorter than the original chapter and thats the little death. that is the mind killer.)

Danny and jason’s ghost forms both smell faintly like burnt flesh and cigarettes. However, Jason has a more smokey smell while Danny’s smells almost,,, electrical? In a sense? Like he just straight up smells like burnt flesh and sulphur while Jason smells like someone put him in a smoker first.

It’s very much an unpleasant smell but Danny finds an odd comfort in it just as much as he finds a comfort in the smell of nicotine.

(Jason post-revival smells burnt flesh once and is immediately offput by the fact that it brings him an instinctive comfort. He doesn’t realize its because it reminds him of Danny, and is uncomfortable by it.)

-

In an au of an au, Danny’s altercation with Rath ends with Rath regaining enough of his sanity to snap out of the grieving state and ends with him breaking down. Instead of being souped and imprisoned, Rath, who is permanently 14, decides to Move On into the unknown. He’s exhausted, heartbroken, and tired.

(Is this influenced heavily by the ParaNorman scene where he talks to Agatha and helps her move on? Yes. But it doesn’t fit with the Original Storyline so im shoving it into an Au of an Au.)

Rath tells Danny that Jason lied to them (which he genuinely believes), and that he’s tired of waiting/looking for him/grieving. Jason is gone. He isn’t coming back, he abandoned them. And he wants his mom and dad, and his sister, and his friends. And he’s ready to join them.

He leads Danny out to Gotham, which other than Amity Park might’ve been the only city left untouched due to Rath’s own mental block on the place. They go out to the park he and Jason used to frequent or up to one of crime alley’s rooftops, and there Rath lies down and goes to sleep. Only to never wake up again, materializing into nothing as his soul moves on.

Before Rath leaves, he forces Danny to promise him that he’ll only wait for Jason for ten years. After that if he doesn’t find him, or if Jason doesn’t show, then Danny has to move on. Whether that be like how Rath does, or if its inly mentally/emotionally, doesn’t matter. He has to move on. Don’t wait for him. Don’t waste his time any more.

(“Oh, and if you find him, kick his ass for me.”)

Danny reluctantly agrees, and Rath lies down. Danny sings to him as he falls asleep.

(Angsty points if the vigilantes including Red Hood caught wind of their presence and were silently watching from the shadows. Rath might know they’re there, but Danny’s too focused on Rath to notice.)

(If only so that Red Hood realizes that this is what happened to Danny, and that Danny is gone before he can make things right. The tragedy, folks. The angst. The initial realization that Danny was Rath, and then also that Danny was dead and has been dead for years, and that before he moved on, he moved on believing that Jason abandoned him.)

(like i said it doesn't fit in the original timeline/storyline hence why its an au of an au and isn't nearly a fleshed out, but i was largely just focusing on the tragedy of Rath moving on and Jason being alive to see it and realize just who Rath is.)

-

Just like how the Lazarus pits shot Jason's twiggy 4'6-5'4 (depending on what you find) feet tall and 86lb ass up like a tree an essentially fixed his malnutrition, the portal did the same thing for Danny.

(granted i forgot about malnutrition and danny's likely stunted growth at first -- his family lived in crime alley and despite both his parents working, I don't think they had enough food all the time. He probably wasn't as badly malnourished as Jason was, but he wasn't healthy either.)

Granted his ghost in its "natural" state (14) is short, and his growth spurts were slow at first, it did result in him reaching his dad's height. There were points where it just happened overnight, like a baby. He went to bed one night 5’6 and woke up the next day 5’10.

Jazz is shorter than him. Although I have't decided if she's even liminal at all (and if she is, it didn't cure everything because she would have also suffered childhood malnutrition, and since in au canon their parents didn't get their hands on physical ectoplasm until after they got to Amity Park. So the exposure is less.)

-

Danny's voice absolutely sounds like canon Dan's. It kinda just dropped one day when he was 16-17 and never went back up. Sam and Tucker sometimes ask him to just talk about anything because they find his voice soothing.

I'm not sure yet how Danny would feel about it at first considering Rath, but I imagine that Rath, when he did speak, would have had a quieter and scratchier/weaker voice considering he's spent the last decade shrieking and crying.

(and i suppose technically that shouldn't have any effect on his throat considering he's a ghost and idk if that would actually affect him, but i like the idea so im keeping it)

In the beginning you could hear him from a mile away by the sound of his loud, echoing wails, but ten years later you can only really hear him by the soft, shuddering sobs he makes. Like he's gasping for air that isn't there. The future is full of very quiet survivors.

And it's much easier to speak when you pitch your voice upwards (especially when whispering/speaking quietly) so he might've spoken in a higher, airy pitch in order to be heard. So Danny might actually find a comfort in having a lower voice.

[halfbit]

some brief advice for characters with small scars from a head injury (from my specific experience) since i do see people give these types of scars to characters sometimes

mine is like this for reference:

specific info:

i didn't receive in-hospital treatment for it even though i lost consciousness i was kicked by a horse, the metal horseshoe is what did it it was a long time ago (over a decade now)

it doesn't effect me much day to day, it is always visible but it has become less prominent over time. certain expressions (anything eyebrow raising especially) make it very obvious.

it is physically raised and lacks pigment.

sensation wise, it used to itch but i haven't felt that for awhile now. if i pay attention when touching it, there's a slight difference in temperature from the rest of my skin. if i scrape it (even just lightly, like scratching with a fingernail) it feels like its bleeding even when its not.

if i accidentally hit it (i dont like doorways), it is extremely painful, it burns, my vision flashes white and i see stars, and it feels like its bleeding all over again of course. it feels like the irl equivalent of being stunned by an electric arrow. if your character has a scar like this, having them get hit on it in a fight is a good way to make them go down for a bit. the sensation also lingers for a decent amount of time afterwards, depending on how hard the hit was. the lingering feels like a heavy pulsing/throbbing, similar to a strong headache but localized on the scar. personally, it feels like even minor impacts can have a really strong effect still as long as its a pretty direct hit.

so yeah just my personal experience having a scar like this! i like seeing characters with similar scars but it often feels like it was just a cosmetic choice to show that they're tough. it's not something that is super high-impact for me, but it still has its effects, and when you aggravate them you can't really focus on anything else until it goes away.

[smoosnoom]

why is established relationships so fun to read yet writing it is similar to fighting god with a spoon

[starpros-sunshine]

Eichi gives away the mask so easily because it was never meant to be an "engagement ring" like you delulu wataeis imagined it to be lmao. It was wataru saying that he will continue playing tsumugi clown role in fine and won't leave it for hokuto's mother troupe after graduation. Do you dumb fucks even read the stories? Eichi didn't even understand tf that mask meant when wataru gave it to him and wataru referenced fucking tsumugi in his "proporsal". I dunno why the f you think it's ok to lie about "! EnDiNG wItH wAtAeI EnGaGeMEnT" when the chapter it happened wasn't even close to the end of ep:link. Cope

PS: how do you live with the fact that Eichi clearly admitted to never being in love in his life and Wataru said that even though Eichi likes him, he still can easily discard him for the sake of his objectives?

I love you anon thank you for giving me a nice reason to ramble again beautiful ask 10/10 I'm sorry this is probably not how you hoped this would go but this is such a funny block of text delightful really thank you for the enrichment please marry me

But okay yes now to get down to the actual ask just to disclaim I am solely relying on translations seeing as I do not speak japanese well enough to understant the original text so if anyone has anything to add to this or to correct me on please feel free to do so.

Now to get started I'm not sure if one could say Eichi gave away the mask "So easily" seeing as he claimed that it was "a hard choice to make"? Which, as one might know, implies unease with an idea and pondering and debating and a general amount of thinking behind a decision so? I know this isn't really the main focus of this ask but I'm just a tad miffed with the semantics of it is all. And in either case giving the mask back to Wataru while expecting it back still shows a certain degree of trust in their relationship it wouldn't have been such a big deal for him (as it apparently was) if the mask didn't have a lot of sentimental value to him (the both of them really if we look at the whole exchange).

Now to the claim that the mask was "only" Watarus promise to stay with fine and "continue playing Tsumugis clown role". This is not entirely incorrect. Regarding the acting troupe and staying with fine bit at least.

I'm assuming this bit in EP:Link Deadend/7 is what you are referencing, and I see where you're coming from. But the bluebird line

from literally three dialogue lines further down, which references this line of dialogue (notorious Eichi line everyone should be familiar with)

kind of somewhat really recontextualises that? Because you see this is a reference to a fairytale about a pair of siblings and they get sent out by a nice fairy to find the bluebird of happiness for her sad daughter to make her happy again so they both go on an adventure and travel far and search and search but they can not find the bluebird of happiness and then when they return home again, disappointed because they couldn't find the blue bird, they realise only one night has actually passed and the journey was probably just a dream. But then their eyes fall upon their pet dove in it's cage which appears blue all of a sudden and so they gift it to the fairies sad daughter which becomes happy again and sets the bird free. The real bluebird of happiness is a dove. At least in the version of the story I'm familiar with but I mean everyone sees the symbolism right? It's. very hard to miss.

And then dropping this?

I'm not sure how to say this properly but in the overall context this makes it pretty clear that Tsumugi has nothing to do with this anymore this is Fully between Wataru and Eichi. And I am the last person to dismiss Tsumugis significance in the course of Wataeis relationship as characters I will be among the first to protest when someone dismisses the importance of Tsumugis and Eichis relationship in favour of some image they have of Wataei but he has nothing to do with this one.

Yes Tsumugi gets namedropped but - again - I don't really see how that would lessen the sentiment Wataru is triying to convey here? Because. Yes. Why wouldn't he mention Tsumugi?

The entire conversation pretty much boils down to "Yes I was initially only in this because I thought I could replace Tsumugis role in your life and then I wanted to leave but we have spent so much time together that I realised that that is definitely not working out because I really do love you. I love you as a teammate; I love you as a friend; I love you as a person and I am very angry at myself for not managing to get that into your head. So please allow me to stay with you for as long as you'll have me." And then also Eichi not understanding because he has the emotional self awareness of a very emotionally unaware loaf of bread and also because he hates himself that is a very big thing about his character huge part of his character arc actually that he. you know? Hates himself? And feels guitly for his actions during the war? And doesn't think he deserves love and companionship? Which is why Wataru wanting to stay with him for him and not for some twisted form of revenge is such an alien concept to him? Because he is projecting his insecurities onto Wataru? As one is wont to do when they hate themself? "EiChi Didn'T eVen UnDErStanD WhAt tf ThAT Mask MEAnt" Yeah. That's. That's the point? So he can think about it and come to that conclusion himself which works as a keymoment in his characters journey from hating life and himself to enjoying being alive and wanting to live on because of the people he's surrounded with? He literally explains why he didn't immediately understand the mask during the EP:Link Epilogue/4

And to get back to the "I dunno why the f you think it's ok to lie about "! EnDiNG wItH wAtAeI EnGaGeMEnT" about which I have two things to say:

"Lying" implies further intent and an effort. Neither of which exist in this case.

He literally went down on one knee while making a big proclamation of offering himself to Eichi with a very personal item that works as a symbol for their commitment to each other on a starlit rooftop. The comparison writes itself.

3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joke

And then I expected there to be a proper reason given and instead you proceed to follow that up with "when the chapter it happened wasn't even close to the end of ep:link". I know the shame is on me for expecting something sensical from an ask which has been near constant in it's lack of correct statements but such is human nature I suppose. And you are not wrong. Deadend/7 isn't very close to the end of EP:Link. That is true.

But do you know what Is very close to the end of EP:Link? The Epilogue Chapters 3-5.

Do you know what the content of those chapters is? I do. Very well actually :)

(Eichi literally explains why he didn't get it)

So if this answers your "Do you dumb fucks even read the stories?" questions, Yes. And I think I'm a lot better at it than you. So I'd say I'm coping quite well over here :p

PS: Regarding your PS, I take the "I've never been in love before so I wouldn't know" comment with a lot of humour actually as an aroace person who's emotional self awareness also ends at "good" and "Not good" I think it's very funny all things considered especially because he mentioned the loving Wataru thing several times before that and I'm generally of the belief that actions speak louder than words and also am in a happy long term relationship with the concept of "Reading Subtext". So please excuse me for not breaking down in tears everytime someone reminds me of that one singuar line of text in one of my favourite all time enstars stories that came out three years ago which also brought us the single best card set in the entire game

as well as absolute banger dialogue such as

Among others <33

And there are soooooo many other examples of wataei dialogue that simply make me swoon but I have already had to take out so many of the one's I wish I could put here so this wouldn't get "Do you love the colour of the sky" long

And also, regarding your "Wataru said that even though Eichi likes him, he still can easily discard him for the sake of his objectives" I'll just say that no he absolutely could not. I mean he'd say that and if pull comes to shove and he has no other option then he might seriously consider it but may I mention that Wataru was gone for a few days at most but really not that long of a time during Sanctuary and Eichi stopped considering being a normal rational person that doesn't leave helpless 17 year olds in the midst of a construction site. Very different situation but I feel like it's worth mentioninh here. Another example is Eichis almost not being able to go through with the war because of Wataru. Wataru had to actively come and tell Eichi to go through with it. Wataru isn't the reason Eichi started the war, that is wrong, but he is the reason Eichi almost didn't finish it. and during the war era that was his Main objective. Again I'm part of the fraction "actions speak louder than words" Show don't tell and all that, but even the words are pushing it.

And that concludes my essay :)

[detroit-become-moomin]

Hey there! Completely forgot to post about this here, but - charity project for trans kids!!

POINTY THINGS, a folk horror collection written by me, illustrated by @ehlihr, and edited by @nimagine is now available for purchase online through Pride 2024. All revenue raised during the upcoming year will go to LGBT+ mutual aid orgs defending trans youth! In this collection you'll find:

55 pages & 22k+ words of story

unsettling megafauna

a trans take on red riding hood

fun facts about 16th-century beheading practices!

deeply unsexy vampirism

haunting-as-dysphoria

3/5 stories brought to life in spooky, atmospheric detail by elisar's illustrations!

The charities we'll be donating proceeds to include Equality Texas and the Transgender Education Network, but I'm also keeping an eye out for other mutual aid orgs defending the rights of trans youth in the American Southwest.

🩸PURCHASE HERE (GUMROAD) 🩸

🩸 OR HERE (KO-FI)🩸

[see-arcane]

we need to stop men from writing about female sexuality i fear

Possibly 😔

Honestly I feel so bittersweet (heavy on the bitter) about this. Because, like. It does have all the best bones of a good supernatural gothic horror. This is clearly a labor of love from Eggers and he put a ton of effort into scoping out visuals and keeping at least the skeleton of Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror at the story's core. I appreciate that. I love that! I adore getting to see actually frightening gothic horror in action, especially since it's so goddamn rare. The last good contemporary film in this vein I can think of is Crimson Peak. And you know what, for clarification: I'm not a prude about having eroticism or sexuality explored in film, horror or otherwise. I am very much pro-monsterfucker.

What kills me about this particular trend with the Draculas and Orloks and whatnot being always always turned into the magnetic sexpire to [INSERT DAMSEL] is that hey.

You guys know that this is Dracula and/or Orlok, right? Famous as they are, they are canonically the Only Two Major Vampires Ever Made whose canon is Explicitly Non-Sexy and Predator-Coded. You remember that, right?

You remember that Mina spent the last third of the novel in existential terror of becoming an undead slave and dragging Jonathan along with her?

You remember that Ellen was not having secret kissy-kissy sexy swoon times over Orlok and her decision to sacrifice herself to save Thomas and the people was all her actions and her planning, not a secret masterminded dark romance ploy aided by un-Van Helsing?

You remember that, right, directors??

Apparently not! Not even Bobby Egg, who languishes about the state of vampires these days, all too sexy and prettified and defanged and romantic for his edgy taste!

Smash cut to it being very thumbs up extra cool when Girl Wants to Get with Vampire (Corpse-looking version so it's fine and innovative now). Which, again, would be, could be done well!

In a film that is not using an already-established heroine as a goth gf stand-in who wanted that Orlok lovin' all along, actually xxxooo

Just...why?

Why can OCs not have their day instead of forcing other folks' public domain characters to contort themselves into directors' personal fanfic puppets?

[moldy-flowers]

Sakura: It was this day 3 years ago he left...

Naruto: Dont worry, Sakura! I'm sure this time next year we'll have him right back at home.

(Meanwhile)

Sasuke: *Sneezes*

Kabuto: You know Sasuke, they say when you sneeze it means someone's talking about you.

Sasuke: *Repeated sneezing*

Sasuke: OBBsessIVe motherFUCKERS *Sneeze*

[thejugheadparadox]

cant stop thinking of ideas for riverdale fic where i put jughead in a very specific kind of torture matrix in which he has to do every drug to ever exist over four decades + no friends + very few friendly trip sitters + gay in the 1940s and 50s and 60s and 70s

[baeshijima]

crazy? i was crazy once.

CRAZY???? I WAS CRAZY ONCE !!!!!!!!!

[ace-of-snz]

I think it’s about time I post something of my own!

This is the first story I’ve written for my little sci-fi/urban fantasy universe, which I’ve dubbed Case Files. It’s actually been up on the forum for about a year, but I’ve neglected posting it anywhere else.

Hoping I get a passing grade in writing robot snz stuff, because this guy WILL be sneezing more =]

——————————————————————

Case 1: Archives of the Occult

[Android, M, Dust]

——————————————————————

I’d been informed of the big changes to the precinct three weeks prior.

Our precinct was finally on the list to receive funding for the newest available technology, and that week, that included androids.

I’d seen the bots walking down the streets sometimes— human as they could be, you had to really look to be able to tell them apart. The companies making them had done a *good job*, and that much was clear. I often wondered how much magic had to truly be imbued in an automaton like that to make it work so fluidly, because there wasn’t any way they were just mechanical.

But they were damn expensive. So you can imagine my bafflement when my captain had come up to my desk, dumped a stack of books on it, and told me to ‘read up, Hickman, because we’ve got some damn good funding, and I don’t want it to go to waste’.

I’d met my new android a week later. Android Mk. 20.3, who Captain Gibbs had already taken to calling just ‘20.3’. I shortened it to Twenty, and the android couldn’t have cared less.

…To be honest, I don’t think he was half bad in terms of androids. He looked *good*, if I’m still being too honest. He carried a stoic demeanor that I wasn’t exactly sure was caused by being an android, or if that was just a him thing. Serious and no-nonsense, it seemed. 

Male detectives seemed to have been paired with male-model androids, and female detectives seemed to have been paired with female-model androids. I thought that was a little dumb, but hey, looking at Twenty, I definitely couldn’t complain.

We were given a week to get used to our new androids before we were sent out on jobs with them.

And that’s what led me here, to the basement library of an old abandoned house, where an occult-related murder had occurred. Twenty and I were told that there likely would be related books that we could find down here that would be relevant in determining the cause of death for this case (which, seeing the scene, had… quite obviously been magic.)

I didn’t know how to read Latin. But Twenty, being an android, absolutely could, and now we were here, in an abandoned basement, flipping through book after book after book. I was tasked in looking for books that may be spellbooks, while Twenty skimmed through the ones that actually were written in Latin.

It was boring as hell. But it was work, so I’d take it. 

I took a new book off the shelf, replacing my previous one, and brought it back to where I’d been seated. 

…Before I could begin reading it, though, I was distracted by a soft chuffing sound from behind me.

I turned just in time to see Twenty bobbing down a second time, nose clamped in one hand. A hiss of air exited the set of vents on either side of his neck, and when he resurfaced, the look on his face was one I never thought I’d see on a robot— especially not from him.

Irritation. Itchy, tickly irritation, and his face contorted a brief second before he bobbed down a third time. Rather than being completely silent, this one was accompanied by a little ‘hngk—!’ and that same noise of escaping air.

It took me a moment to fully register the fact that my android companion was sneezing. I mean, obviously I’d scoured the books that Captain Gibbs had given me (and my attention had been completely snagged by the page on sneezing), but I hadn’t expected it to look like this. So… natural. Fluid. The expression on his face made something flip within me. If not for the slats on his neck, I’d completely believe he was human. 

Blindsided as I was by this, it took me a moment to regain my senses.

…That probably wasn’t a good sign, was it?

“Twenty? You okay?”

He seemed to be done for now, and he straightened, giving an experimental sniff.

“…Yes, I’m fine.”

“Was that… Were you sneezing?” The question was out of my mouth before I could fully think about it. Twenty gave me a confused look.

“…Yes? I… Suppose I was.” He sniffed again— something had to have been… well, getting to him was the only thing I could come up with. “As far as I know, it’s a function that ah-ahhctivates when my— eh-ehhxcu-hu-se m—“ 

He clamped a hand tightly around his nose as fast as he could before he shook with the suppressed sneeze. A hiss of air came from the vents, and then he straightened again.

“Ghhuh… Excuse me. I believe what I was saying is that it’s a function that activates when my filters get too full of irritants. It works very well in expelling them.” 

“Oh. That makes sense. What’s causing it?” 

He sniffed again.

“It’s very likely that it’s the dust. This place hasn’t been touched in years, and even the finest dust could wreak havoc on the more delicate of my inner workings.”

“Why do you keep doing it? There can only be so much dust that can get stuck within that period of time, right?”

If he’d been human, I think he would’ve gotten sick of my questions real fast. If he’d been human, I would rather die than ask these sorts of questions. But it was my job to ask questions, and, well… I had to admit, I was really curious.

“Well, that’s… holding them in certainly isn’t as effective in expelling irritants.”

“Don’t hold them in, then.” 

“It usually takes quite a few… I suppose you could call them sneezes. But it takes quite a few of them to remove the irritants, and I’d rather not be standing here trying to get all of the dust out when I just know that more will take its place.” 

I opened my mouth to reply, and closed it again, feeling my heart jump. Oh. Great. He was prone to sneezing fits, as well.

…I couldn’t tell if I was winning or losing today. I mean, obviously I wanted to see it happen, but this was a professional setting and I was on a job so I’d just… ignore it. Yeah. 

“Alright. We’ll make this quick then, how about that?”

He gave me a curt nod, but I could see his face twitch as he tried to stave off the irritation.

“…Or, what if—“

“Ngk—! Hh— hh—“ There was another in there, I could tell, and he was trying so hard not to let it out. But being an android, it was quite literally programmed into him. There was no way he’d be able to stop it.

“What if you just—“

“Ch’ht!”

That one came with almost a noise. He looked miserable, I could tell that much. How much dust was actually in here?

“What if you left the room to clear your filters, and I stayed here to continue looking?”

“Absolutely not.” He sniffed again. “You have no idea what you’re looking for.”

“Excuse me? Hey, I’m just as involved in this case as you are!”

“And you still don’t have any idea what you’re looking for. Can you even read Latin?”

“I—“

“That’s what I thought. N—Now…”

He sniffed again, and brought a knuckle to press to his septum. I briefly wondered if it tickled in his nose area at all— I assumed his filters were within the vents on his neck.

“Hh-knn!”

It seemed that the more he stifled, the more intense his sneezes were getting. He was being far more stubborn than he needed to about this. But if he wanted to be stubborn, then he certainly could. I wasn’t about to stop him.

We continued our work in silence— or, well, near silence, as it kept being broken by the flipping of pages or the quiet stifled sneezes that Twenty thought I couldn’t hear. Unluckily for him, though, my… relation to sneezing had me hypervigilant, ears pricked closely for the slightest of uneven breaths. 

—————

“This search is useless.” I grumbled after a while, and Twenty looked up at me.

“Id’s id here, I’b sure of id.”

I first and foremost noted the thickness of his voice.

“Ca’bdai’d Gibbs told us id was likely dowd here rather thad adywhere else.”

“We’ve been here for hours and we’ve found nothing.”

“We jusd habe to keep luh—looki’g.” His face twisted in irritation, and he clamped his nose hard between his fingers, bobbing down once, twice, three times, trembling with the effort of holding them in.

“Ngk! H-Ngk! Hh— Hh’CHnngk!” That last one had been louder than any sneeze I’d heard from him thus far. But it most certainly was not a fulfilling sneeze, as he resurfaced, looking dazed and unsatisfied. And still completely and utterly miserable. Well— as miserable as a robot could look, I guess.

“Apologies. Snf.* Jusd the fil’ders.” He sounded the part, as well.

“Twenty, come on. Let’s just suck it up and call it a day. I don’t want you damaging something just because you’re deciding to be stubborn about it.”

“I’b dot ‘dabagi’g’ adythi’g.”

“Dude, listen to yourself. Why does your voice sound like that if you’re just fine?”

“Firsd of all, do’t call be ‘dude’.” He sniffed thickly, putting a knuckle to his septum. “Seco’d of all, by fil’ders are probably full. Id happeds sobetibes.” He sniffed again.

“You sound like shit, man, and it sounds like it’s really uncomfortable. Come on.”

“Ex’guse be? Absoludely dot, we caddot jusd eh-eh’d our search here!”

“We can come back tomorrow! It literally does not matter.”

Twenty stood up from his seat, placing his hands firmly on the table as he glared at me.

“I a’b your superior in this case. A’d I—“

…But doing so had caused the book he’d been reading— a thick, heavy novel— to snap shut again, the pages ruffling until it slammed closed. Sending up a very large plume of dust into the air.

“A—A’d I— I…” I could see his eyes fluttering shut as the irritant hit, the urgency quickly growing on his face.

“I— I— aAh’DSHU’H!” He doubled over with the first true sneeze I’d heard from him, and I had to admit, it was… wow. Just wow. Not too intense, but just desperate enough to let me know that the dust really had been teasing him this whole time.

Um— anyway. Unprofessional thoughts about my new robot companion aside—

It was accompanied with a sound I could only compare to decompression as the vents at the side of his neck sent jets of air out, along with a good amount of dust. Jesus, we’d been here way too long.

“Hh’HASHU’H! Hh— H’dCHU’H!” He was showing no signs of stopping, which could not have been a good sign. I’d be flayed alive by my superiors if I broke an android.

So I finally snapped out of it enough to take him by the shoulders and begin steering him towards the exit. Every time he sneezed, his shoulders shuddered forcefully underneath my hands, but I didn’t let go. I wrinkled my nose at the dusty air being expelled from the vents at his neck— from where I was positioned, it hit me right in the face. Lucky I wasn’t allergic to dust, or neither of us would be getting out of here any soon.

“Hh— Heh— heH’DSHU’H! HAH’CHU’H! Gghh… hh— hhHh—“

“What in tarnation is goin’ on down there!?” 

I heard heavy footsteps start down the stairs, and I winced.

“HhHH’KSHU’Uh!”

“Lieutenant Hickman!”

I tensed.

“I thought I told you to be more careful with that android! Did you even read the book!?”

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“Then why—“

“I-Ihh— It’s my fault, Cahh—CaptainnN— HE’ASHU’hh!”

Captain Gibbs raised an eyebrow.

“L—Lieutena—ahhnt Hh—Hh-Hihckman—“

Okay. Yeah, that was my name. I could have died right there. 

“Take a moment, detective.”

“AASHU’H! HhhAH’SHU’h!”

Oh, good god, he just wasn’t going to stop, was he?

“Hickman ss—Said to cah—cahhhll off th— theE’H’ECHU’H!”

I could see what he was trying to say, and despite how uh.. distracting he was in this moment, I took pity on him.

“…I tried to call off the search midway through, ma’am. Twenty insisted he’d be okay, and only let me lead him out when he was sn— er…” I had to remember the technical term for it, didn’t I? “…In the process of purging harmful substances?” I made a gesture to the vents, wincing as he sneezed again. The dust was getting thinner, which seemed good.

Twenty nodded at what I was saying.

“Aha. I see you did read the manual, Hickman.”

I gave her a nervous smile.

“Well done. And 20.3?” 

He opened his mouth to respond, but another sneeze cut him off. 

“Be more careful. Don’t want to have to bring you in for servicing, y’hear?” 

“Yhh—Yehhhs, Cah—aH—“

He couldn’t even get through a two-word sentence.

“HhH’ADSHU’H! TCHU’H!”

“Easy, detective.” Captain Gibbs said. “I’ll send down some human officers so you two can get a break. Ones without sensitivities.”

Twenty put a knuckle to the bottom of his nose, and nodded. I wondered if it helped stave off the irritation at all— in any definition of the word— but I could see the squint in his eyes and the twitch of his nose still. 

“Take a rest, both of you. I’ll have a different case ready when 20.3 has recovered.” Captain Gibbs nodded at the both of us, and then headed back up the stairs.

We were both silent for a moment, but the quiet was broken by a quick intake of breath from Twenty.

“HH’SHU’H!”

He sniffled— actually sniffled— before putting his knuckle back up to his nose, scowling deeply.

“This is completely unnecessary.” He muttered. I begged to differ, but I didn’t say it out loud.

“Do you wanna go somewhere that’s less…” I made a vague gesture to our surroundings, where the dust still floated in the air— though it was dispersing.

“Dhh— Dhhusty?” Even saying the word seemed to trigger something in him, and he nodded. “Yes. L—Let’s.”

[qiu-yan]

in MDZS the novel, the innkeeper in Yunping mentions that people are too scared to go petition Yunmeng Jiang for help because someone once walked in on Sect Leader Jiang whipping a guy in the main hall, supposedly because the guy was a demonic cultivator.

[itsajollyjester]

Does anyone else feel like the distain and complete dismissal of the “miscommunication trope” is….weird? Like isn’t that just conflict stemming directly from the characters flaws (especially a fear of vulnerability)? Which is a very human, bordering on universal, conflict to have. Do you want the characters to speak and act perfectly every time? I don’t get it someone explain