#I am so sleepy this is just procrastinating | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hellodropbear · 4 months ago

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it's time.

mapi leon x child

new story is here!

as always, hope you enjoy this (new) story and please let me know what you think!

for some reason i only ever get inspiration during uni semester! which is great because i study a really demanding degree and i just had 6 weeks off in which i wrote nothing and now i am procrastinating my physiology modules and prehab exercises :) :)

enjoy :)

~~~~~~

There was a knock on the door.

"Mapi!" Alexia's voice was distinct, and the girl recognised it immediately. She knocked again. "Open the door!"

She looked over at the figure on the sofa, eyes closed, hand resting on the head of the little black cat.

She looked over at the door, where she knew her Ale was standing, waiting for the door to open.

She toddled over to the door, almost losing her balance as she stepped up onto the step by the door and unlocking the door, her hands immediately clinging onto the step's handle to stabilise her small body.

The door opened slowly, and the brunette looked confused for a moment before looking down at the unstable toddler.

"Isabel, mi chica!" Alexia's arms were strong and easily scooped the toddler up and onto her hip. "What are you doing at the door?"

"Hola, Ale!" She planted a sloppy kiss on the woman's cheek, wrapping her arms around her neck.

"Where is Mami?"

"Sleeping! Bagheera." She pointed over to where her mother was splayed across the sofa cushions, the black cat also snoozing away under Mapi's hand.

"Are you supposed to be napping, Isa?" Alexia's hand moved to the toddler's curly hair, stroking it back and out of her face.

"Not sleepy." She yawned into Alexia's neck, and the brunette woman chuckled.

"Not sleepy?" She moved to sit beside where Mapi was napping, beginning to repeatedly poke her leg.

"Is, stop, Mami is sleeping." The blonde murmured groggily, shifting as she stirred from her sleep.

Alexia chuckled, her hand retreating back into her lap.

"Time to wake up, Mapi."

The blonde's eyes opened slowly, her hand coming up to her face as she slowly figured out that it was Alexia sitting beside her.

"Ale? What are you doing here?"

The older Spaniard shook her head, looking back at the toddler in her arms.

"Your Mami is so silly sometimes, Isabel! So silly!" She tickled her sides, and the baby squealed in laughter, falling back onto Alexia. "You have to come in today, Jonatan asked me to check in on you because he didn't believe your excuse. We have media, and even if you don't want to be in it, you have to come and meet the new signings. It's time, Mapi."

Mapi groaned, pulling the pillow over the face.

"Why didn't he believe me? I am clearly sick!" She put her elbow in front of her mouth and coughed into it weakly, looking up at Alexia persuasively. Safe to say she was disappointed by her friend's exasperated eye roll and lack of sympathy.

"You're coming, Mapi. Go get ready and I'll fix up Is to take her too because I presume you haven't organised her Nanny to come?" Mapi shook her head, sighing lightly. "I'll get her ready."

"Ale, please. I really, really don't want to go. Surely it's not time yet?"

Alexia thought Mapi was going to break down on the spot right then and there, but as quickly as her facial expressions fell, they lifted back up again when the brunette placed her arm around her shoulder.

"It is, Mapi. You've spent too much time here, you need to get back into it. This one's 14 months now and you've done such a good job." She squeezed Isabel's sides, smiling down at her tiny frame. "But now you have to go back to your other job."

"I've done my training, I've gone to the gym. I just don't think I can start again, Alexia."

"So you want to quit?"

Mapi looked at her in shock, gasping quietly.

"What? No! I don't want to quit! I love football."

Alexia smiled softly.

"When better to go back for the first time on a media day, no pressure to perform, nothing. I know you've been training, that you are healthy and have a good level of fitness. What's stopping you from returning to the team environment?"

She sighed, staring straight ahead as her eyes filled with tears, willing them to go away. Adamant that she wouldn't let a single tear fall from her eyes.

"I'll come. But Ale, this won't be easy for me, you know that. If I want to leave, I want to be able to."

Alexia nodded, standing up from her spot on the couch.

"Of course, Mapi. I've told you before and I will tell you again, everything you do is at your own pace. Just give it a try, for me. Don't give up before we even get there. Maybe seeing everyone will give you that bit of motivation, you can't tell me it didn't help last time."

Mapi nodded, Alexia was right.

It's been two months since Mapi saw the rest of the team, right after Isabel's first birthday. It had been a long year of taking care of a tiny baby while also mourning the loss of her best friend.

The girls loved the baby, finally seeing the girl that they had sent countless gifts to, doting over the adorable one year old who had no idea what heartbreak her mother was going through.

But what had surprised Mapi was that most of her teammates were more worried about the defender than her child, hugging her tightly and telling her how much they missed her, loved her and were there for her.

Mapi had cried that night, the realisation that maybe people did care settling on her shoulders, guilt overwhelming her as she registered that she hadn't reached out to a single on of them in a year.

When she discussed this with Alexia a week later, the brunette had told her to stop being silly. They were a family, apparently. They would always be there for one another.

~~~~~~

Nerves settled deep in Mapi's stomach as she sat in the back of Alexia's car, staring out at the familiar roads as they drove to the training grounds. Isabel was content in her seat beside her as she babbling away at the streets, Alexia chuckling at her goddaughter.

When they arrived, Mapi was quick to unclip the baby, walking around to the opposite door to scoop her up into her arms and holding her close as they walked towards the entrance.

"They said we only have to be there for a couple hours, max. There's a bit of media, they thought it could be a good time to reintroduce you, assuming you want to come back this season. Then we have three new incomings, although one is Irene, who most of us obviously know. The other two are from Scandinavia. Fridolina Rolfo from Sweden and Ingrid Engen from Norway. Fridolina is an attacking midfielder and Ingrid is a central defensive midfielder, both from Wolfsburg..."

Alexia dove deep into an analysis of the two Wolfsburg players that Mapi easily zoned out of, instead focusing on what she was about to do.

It was weird, walking back into this place after such a long time. A place that used to be like home, she never thought twice about stepping through those doors.

But she could count on her hands the amount of times she had walked into the training campus in the past 18 months, simply preferring to get trained at a private gym or a private field, closer to home and further from the overwhelmingly familiar Barcelona grounds.

She was expecting to be heckled as soon as they entered, but only Jonatan was in the foyer and he quickly embraced her and pulled her into his office as Alexia turned left to the media room.

"She is adorable, Mapi."

Jonatan sat down on the sofa in his office, motioning for Mapi to follow him. Mapi smiled down at her baby who was happily fiddling with her toy lion.

"Thank you."

"Is this it? Are you ready to come back?"

Mapi shrugged lightly.

"I want to be, but I'm not sure, really. It has been a hard year and I don't know what to do with this one if I train every day, playing games every weekend. She is still only little."

Jonatan nods, hesitating before responding.

"Everything we do will be at your pace and you have all the support you need. We can find someone to watch her, she can come here or go to your place. We can do anything, you name it. We have all missed you a lot, and I think I speak for the whole team when I say we would be thrilled if you decided to start coming back, becoming fit again."

"I am fit. I have trained a lot, every day. I have rehabbed with the specialists, done their exercises every day, I've been in the gym every day, getting stronger, I go down to the local pitch at least four times a week with the trainer. My fitness is not the problem, it's just me. My brain, I think."

He nods again, understanding written all over his face.

"We have a psychologist if you want to see her. Apparently she is brilliant."

Mapi shrugs.

"I don't think she would be able to help me. I am just sad. Overwhelmed, maybe. A bit scared, sure. I have no trouble naming my emotions, I just am bad at dealing with them healthily."

It was the truth. Mapi knew what she was feeling but she had no idea how to make it better. Seeing a psychologist wouldn't take away her grief, her fear or her stress, so what was the point?

"I would recommend the psychologist, even if it's just for one session. Everyone who sees her loves her."

She shrugs again.

"I'll consider it."

They dive into the logistics of returning, as well as how they should tackle the inevitable media storm when she appears on the clubs social media again. Apparently, Alexia suggested just to put them in an interview together to preview the upcoming season. She told the club to not make any sort of deal about the return, in an attempt to make it as seamless as possible.

Their meeting finished with an agreement, and Jonatan wished the defender luck as she left, heading towards the media room where the rest of the team should be busy.

"Isabel!" Leila was the first person to notice the duo entering, dropping the paper she held and rushing over to hug Mapi.

"Y mi Maria. Ale said not to make a big deal out of it, but Mapi, I am so so so happy to see you here again."

She released Mapi from the hug, keeping her hands firmly on the defender's shoulders.

"I'm proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself too."

Mapi just smiled, setting Isabel down on the floor and watching carefully as she waddled over towards Alexia. She avoided eye contact to prevent herself from becoming emotional, instead flashing a quick smile at Leila, nodding softly.

"Thanks Leila. It's good to see you, sorry I haven't been the greatest friend recently." Her eyes remained glued to the back of her daughter's head, so she didn't see Leila's entire face and body soften.

"No, no. I should have tried harder. I can't imagine what you were going through."

Truthfully, the fullback and a lot of other teammates carried a substantial guilt over their shoulders, but there was nothing they could do about it anymore.

Not after Alexia had arrived to training raging 9 months ago, telling them they were awful friends, that Mapi was struggling and had received almost no support from any of them.

Just because Mapi asked to be left alone, doesn't mean she actually wanted to be left alone, Alexia had said.

They put in more effort after that, but the damage was done and Mapi still struggled to let anyone but Alexia in.

Isabel, on the other hand, was having a ball as her godmother carried her around the room, introducing her to different people.

"This is Patri and Pina, Isa, say hello!"

Isabel giggled, pointing at Patri.

"Patri!" Her hand moved to Pina. "Pina! Hola!" She waved, her hand floppy and a silly smile smacked on her face.

The three footballers smiled at her sincerity, Patri speaking up first.

"I know who you are! You are adorable, baby Leon, and you look just like your Mami."

Isabel beamed, turning to look up at Alexia.

"Mi Mami!"

"Yes, you look just like her, lion cub."

They remained stationed at Patri and Pina for a while, the young striker and her older friend entertaining the baby as she sat mesmerised by their rowdy and outgoing nature, their light banter was something she had rarely been exposed to.

Mapi on the other hand was shaking as she watched her daughter in Alexia's arms, entirely unable to concentrate on her. Her mind was consumed by the looming thought of her return. The overwhelmingly terrifying return.

She was returned to her mother's arms right before Alexia and Mapi had to go and do media, a soft kiss placed on her head before she was handed off to an excited Leila.

The interview, while a good way to ease into it, would undoubtedly create an entire storm in the media and Mapi wasn't sure she wanted to see her life and decisions picked apart, analysed and judged by thousands of people who knew nothing about her and nothing about anything she had been through over the past 15 months.

Alexia's arm on her back was grounding, guiding her to the correct room and easing the overwhelming worry that surged through her, if only just a little bit.

"It will be over before you know it. And then you wait a few days, turn off your phone when it is released. You can slowly start coming back to training, and by the time we have to interact with fans, it will have calmed down. I will be right there through it all and so will everyone else in that room."

Mapi was surprised, however, when she sat down in front of the cameras and was briefed about the interview. She was expecting a serious video, previewing the season ahead. Instead, they were doing superlatives, something that Mapi didn't know if she was comfortable with.

Sure, she's played with this team for years and she knows them all well, but it has been a long time since she's actually played with them. What if things have changed? What if she embarrasses herself.

"And Mapi, we will release this video in a few days, and hopefully people will take the hint that we aren't making a big deal about your return."

A naive statement that made Mapi want to scoff, but she stopped herself and nodded politely instead.

But, she did the interview with Alexia, acting as if nothing was wrong and the midfielder couldn't believe that the person beside her was the same person that had practically looked green not 10 minutes ago.

"Hola! I am Mapi Leon and this is Alexia Putellas! Welcome to superlatives!"

~~~~~~

Completely oblivious to the stress her mother was going through, Isabel was placed in Mapi's cubby as the team got ready for training, completely occupied by the toy lion she was playing with.

"And who's that, Isabel?"

Leila sat down beside the toddler as soon as she was changed, her socks and boots in her hand as she looked at Isabel.

"Leon! My lion."

The defender chuckled, placing her hand on Isabel's head.

"And you like to play with your lion?"

She nodded, holding the toy out towards Leila, who grabbed it, imitating a lion sound to the child. Isabel squealed with laughter, copying the fullback by imitating a lion herself before pulling the toy back into her arms when Leila passed it over.

"Leon. Mi Leon." She cuddled the lion tightly before walking it across her leg and down to the floor."

Leila turns her attention away from the toddler to put her shoes and socks on and Isabel took the opportunity to slip down from the cubby, waddling through the changing room with Leila's watchful eye on her.

She spun around to look at the defender, quickly noticing her raised eyebrows and her playful stern expression. She brought her hand up to her mouth, looking directly at Leila as she giggled mischievously, too distracted to look at where she was going until she bumped right into a pair of legs.

She spun around immediately, looking up and down at the unfamiliar woman and gave her a smile after assessing that she looked nice enough, brandishing out the lion toy that she was holding.

The brunette knelt down to her level, smiling softly.

"Hola!"

Isabel smiled, bringing the toy back towards her.

"Hola!" She giggled, smiling giddily at the tall woman.

"What's your name?"

"Isabel!" She shook her lion "Leon, mi leon." She reached out her arms and the Norwegian understood it as a prompt to pick her up, so she scooped the child up into her arms, standing up and walking back towards Leila.

"My name is Ingrid. It's very nice to meet you!"

Isabel nodded sweetly, pointing over at Leila.

"Is Leila!" She then pointed over to Patri, then Pina. "Y Patri, y pina. Jenni!"

Ingrid laughed quietly as the child in her arms pointed around the room naming people, but moved over to where Leila was sat, handing over the child.

"Hola. You are Ingrid?" The fullback smiled politely as Ingrid nodded. "It's good to have you here, welcome to Barca."

The Norwegian smiled. "I am very happy to be here."

The door opened as Leila was about to respond, but Isabel's head whipped around at the sound of her mother's voice, jumping up in the fullback's lap.

"Mami!"

Mapi strode across the changing room, picking Isabel up with one arm and bouncing her on her hip.

"Hola, mi Is." She planted a kiss on her daughter's temple as she laughed, pointing over to Ingrid.

"Ingrid!"

"Who?" Mapi followed her daughter's hand, spotting the retreating Norwegian figure. Her hair was thick, Mapi noticed, rich and abundant in the way it fell easily down past her shoulders but the centre back was sure that hair so gorgeous was anything but easy to maintain.

"Did you meet her?"

Isabel nodded, a smile still on her face. "Held me!"

"She held you?"

Isabel nodded enthusiastically right as Ingrid turned around, immediately making eye contact with the spanish mother. Mapi was sure that if she didn't have a baby in her arms she would have gone weak at the knees and maybe fallen to the floor.

Because the first thing she noticed were the piercing green eyes staring right back into her own, and the way they sparkled as soon as her mouth shot up into a large smile.

Ingrid, the new signing, was possibly the most gorgeous person Mapi had ever laid her eyes on.

Mapi could only smile back as she tried her best to memorise every detail of the Norwegian's face as if she would never see it again, so consumed in her thoughts that she didn't realise that the brunette had been moving closer and closer until she was right in front of her.

"Is she yours?"

Mapi could only nod, her voice had somehow run away. Ingrid smiled once more at the confirmation and Mapi inhaled slowly, trying to subtly inhale as much of the midfielder's scent as she could.

"She's adorable, I mean, she looks just like you, really."

Mapi nodded again, hitting herself internally for not being able to form a coherent sentence.

"I'm Ingrid, I've just signed. From Norway. I play for Wolfsburg." She grimaced. "I mean, I play for Norway. I have signed from Wolfsburg."

Suddenly, Mapi wishes she had paid more attention to Alexia's analysis of their new signings as hey were walking in earlier. Maybe she would have been to prepare herself.

"I'm Mapi, it's nice to meet you."

It was a small win, but the sentence was coherent and Mapi was happy. She adjusted Isabel on her hip in order to reach out and shake Ingrid's hand, and the Norwegian smiled and took it.

Later, when Alexia would tease Mapi about her obvious crush, the centre back would argue that she was being professional, and use the awkward hand shake as proof.

Ingrid and Mapi stood silently for a moment, the baby becoming increasingly more confused as silence settled upon them, just looking at each other mid hand shake.

"Mami!"

They were successfully broken out of the small trance, their eyes both immediately whipping towards the small child.

"I think I better go." Mapi smiled somewhat apologetically, although she wasn't sure why she felt that small bit of guilt. "I think she missed her nap this morning which means there will be tears in just under an hour so I want to get her to sleep as soon as possible."

"You're not staying for training?"

The Norwegian seemed confused, although she was aware that the talented centre back had missed a season and a half of football. The reason was unclear to fans and the general public, but had become abundantly clear to Ingrid almost immediately.

Mapi sighed thoughtfully.

"Soon. I will be back, I mean. Just not today. Hence the no training kit."

Ingrid nodded, the smile back on her face.

"I look forward to it. It was nice to meet you!"

"Yeah, yeah. Nice to meet you too. I'll see you soon."

"Bye, Mapi."

It was silent as Alexia and Mapi walked back out to the car. It was like a switch had flicked in Isabel as soon as they left as well, suddenly exhausted in her mother's arms. She was practically asleep when Mapi clipped her into her seat and the two adults were sure she was fast asleep by the time they were on the road.

"So." Alexia started, a small smirk on her face. Mapi knew exactly where this was going. "Ingrid Engen, huh?"

Mapi rolled her eyes, staring out the window.

"Ale, please. No."

The brunette shrugged, an amused look on her face as she briefly turned to look at Mapi.

"I'm just saying. I haven't seen you like that around someone in almost two years."

"Having a child changes you."

It was true. Mapi hadn't seen anyone since she was about two months pregnant. She found it too difficult to explain, sometimes questioning her decisions herself.

It was a tough decision, choosing to be a surrogate for her best friend, especially as it put her career to the side for an extended period of time. But Luis was a born father, as was his wife, Isabel, had too many health issues to count. The news that she would never be able to carry a baby came with devastation. The news that she couldn't even produce an egg came with heartbreak.

It was Mapi who offered to be a surrogate for them, her heart slowly ripping apart every time she picked up the phone to a crying Luis as he wished and prayed that he could become a father, wanting it more than anything else.

Initially, they had refused, telling her that she should focus on herself, that she should focus on her career. It had taken a few months to convince them, and by the time they agreed, Mapi knew it was the right decision.

The first two trimesters were easy. She was carrying a small baby, the bump barely visible which made keeping it a secret incredibly easy. She stopped playing games in the middle of the second trimester, and stopped training at the end of it. There was little to no news about her from the club, and fans were left confused when she stopped appearing on the matchday squad list and later as she stopped appearing on their social media altogether.

To this day, the fans were still confused, because it has almost been two years since their fierce defender was seen in any Barcelona coverage, and she was seldom mentioned in their press.

In the third trimester, Luis and Isabel went on a road trip to Madrid, visiting family.

Two hours after saying goodbye to them, Mapi got the call that there had been an accident. They had both died on the scene and Mapi was left distraught, the baby in her belly only a reminder of the couple that she loved so much, that she would have done anything for. That she did do anything for.

She gave birth a month later, alone in the delivery room as her parents and Alexia stood outside anxiously, concerned for the once boisterous footballer who had barely said three sentences since her best friend died.

"Isabel Luisa." She was decisive as they entered, her eyes red as she cradled the newborn in her arms as her own mother rushed to her side, Alexia standing at the end of the bed.

"I don't know yet whether I will give her my last name or theirs, but she is having their first names. Technically."

Pilar had burst into tears, her hand latching onto her daughters arm and it was clear to Alexia that Mapi was fighting back tears also.

"I have to be strong for her, Ale. She needs a strong Mami."

Alexia softened at her friend's whispered words, nodding quickly before replying.

"She has the strongest Mami. You will be good for her, Maria. And she will be good for you."

The whole thing was too difficult to explain to potential hookups or girlfriends when she was pregnant, and once she was born, Isabel made a great excuse to never go out when Alexia asked.

Besides, Mapi didn't want to date. She had her hands full with the baby and her other focus was completely on becoming fit again and at some point returning to the game she loves so much. There was no time for a girlfriend on top of that.

"I'm just saying, she felt the same way. It was obvious." Alexia shrugged, not realising that her words would send Mapi into an unhealthy spiral of guilt and concern.

When the centre back didn't respond, Alexia took it as a cue to change the topic of conversation, so she moved back to the topic of football, something that she could ramble about for hours and Mapi could block out easily.

"Are you going back to training after this?"

Mapi interrupted Alexia mid-sentence, clearly not listening to what she was saying at all.

Alexia nodded. "I have to. I'll make it for the last three hours hopefully. Why?"

Mapi shrugged.

"I think I want to start back tomorrow."

Alexia's head whipped over to Mapi, slamming on her breaks after almost whipping the car 90 degrees to the right with the sheer force that her entire body moved to face her friend.

"Tomorrow?"

"Ale! Be careful!"

They both yelled at the same time and Isabel woke up with a start, calling out for Mapi, who sighed deeply, running her hands over her face.

"Tomorrow, yes." She spoke quietly, her voice a whisper. "I don't know. I have to try at some point and it seems like a good time, in pre season. Do you not think so?"

"No, no. I think that is a great idea. Everyone will be thrilled. Hell, I'm over the moon!" Alexia smiled, pulling over outside the entrance to Mapi's apartment. "I'm proud of you, Mapi. I really am. You should be proud of yourself too."

She leant over the centre console, pulling Mapi into a hug and wiping away her friend's tears when she released her and saw her eyes shining.

"Luis would be proud too. And so very grateful."

Mapi sniffed, shaking her head.

"Thanks, Ale. I love you. Thanks for dropping me home and... thanks for everything you've done for me. For us."

"You're my best friend, Maria. No need to thank me."

Mapi smiled, stepping out of the car and closing the door behind her before stepping to the back door and unclipping Isabel from the seat.

"Mami," Isabel whined, clinging tightly to Mapi's neck as she waved goodbye to Alexia's retreating car and moved towards the front door.

"I think it's nap time for you, my Is."

~~~~~~

i've written a maybe 13k words of this next story already but most of what's written is rough and needs proof reading. can't promise particularly quick updates because i study full time, have two jobs and also prehab for a knee reconstruction in a couple months so i am pretty busy!

if you have any requests or want to see anything in particular let me know! what I have can be changed and modified easily to suit you guys :)

pls let me know what you think

have a great day :)

#mapi leon #ingrid engen #mapi leon x ingrid engen #alexia putellas #woso fanfics #woso #fcb femení #barca femeni #woso community

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n0thingbutlov3 · 5 months ago

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need you now | 2 |

in which readers true feelings are revealed.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader warnings/tags: angst again (whoops) miscommunication (it’s short dw) fluff, reader is hungover lol, spencer is handsomely disheveled (moans) mentions of blueberry muffins being readers favourite type of muffin (sorry for not being vague but also if you don’t like blueberry muffins??? why) some tears, some swearing, some kissing, suggestiveness at the end of you squint (WHOOPS *evil smirk*) no use of y/n!! wc: 2.1k a/n: call me slim shady because i am back!!! i procrastinated writing this because i was scared everyone was secretly judging my writing and actually hated it and a second part would be a stupid idea but THEN i realised that was a little bit silly so im here B) part one got over 1000 notes (INSANE) all the support has been so so lovely—every note, reblog, and comment means the world to me, thank you!! i hope this part is okayy, feedback is always appreciated :) i hope you enjoy it you choose to read!!! <3 p.s kissing scenes are so difficult to write, i think i done absolutely awful!!!so let’s ignore that…. if you haven’t already and you’d like to, you can read part one here!

Your eyelids twitched as the early morning sun filtered through your bedroom. What was usually a calming wake-up call now felt like being blinded.

You burrowed your face into your pillow, squeezing your eyes shut in an attempt to dull the throbbing in your head. This is why you didn’t drink often.

Asides from the obvious headache and nausea, you always seemed to wake up with a sense of dread; ‘hangxiety’—a friend had called it once. It was creeping up on you now, and even though you weren’t sure exactly what you had done, you knew it was bad. You flipped onto your back, fixing your gaze to the ceiling as if it could tell you what irreparable mistakes you had made last night.

It couldn’t, of course. The only thing you had realised is that you should probably coat it in a new layer of paint soon.

“How’re you feeling?”

You shot up, eyes widening at the sight of a man in your doorway. A man whose sleepy voice and disheveled hair threatened to make you melt, but a man who should not be in your doorway, nonetheless; Spencer.

Your brain was quick to supply you with information then, your memory coming back in hazy remnants. You were upset so you…called Spencer for the first time in months. Yikes. He didn’t answer so you turned to a bottle of high end whiskey instead—yikes, again—and passed out on your couch, only to wake up to your ex-boyfriend in your apartment. Cue more sobbing, a pathetic attempt at asking—no, more like begging—him to get back together with you, and that was it. Well, mostly. There was also the promise of discussing your breakdown in the morning. The morning, which was now.

What the fuck.

“Like I’ve been napalmed.” You weren’t sure you were just referring to your raging hangover.

That prompted a raspy kind of chuckle from him and Jesus Christ—you really shouldn’t have called, because it was going to be infinitely harder to watch him leave when he inevitably told you you were sad loser who needed to get a grip and move on—except, he’d be a lot nicer than that, wouldn’t he? Because even if things were over between you, he was still the sweetest person you had ever met and he’d never say anything to intentionally hurt you. Maybe things would be easier if he did. If he wasn’t so sickeningly perfect—if he just insulted you in the way you were certain you deserved, then maybe you’d get over him quicker.

“So, I-ah-uber’d breakfast—“

Your inner turmoil came to a screeching halt at those words.

“You uber’d? You?”

He scoffed, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

“The team’s been very into it lately and I always finish my paperwork first so it only makes sense that I—stop laughing! I can uber!”

“Sorry! I just can’t imagine the great Doctor Reid stooping to the levels of a fast food delivery app. Do you ever order to the wrong place?”

“No.” he said, unconvincingly. “Well, only once—“

You were laughing again.

He whined, turning on his heel.

“Just take your aspirin and hurry up!” He grumbled petulantly as he left the room, but you could hear the smile in his voice.

After a quick freshen up and taking the pills placed on your bedside table—as per his request—you padded through to the living room, joining Spencer on the couch.

You gasped delightedly as he pulled out muffins from a brown paper bag. To be more specific, blueberry muffins; your favourite.

“Did you know that blueberries are good for fighting hangovers? They’re rich in vitamin C, which helps break down and metabolise blood alcohol. Muffins too, they—what? Do I have something on my face—“

“No! No, sorry,” You had been caught staring—ogling, more like. “I just missed…that.”

“What? My incessant rambling?” He was joking, but you could hear the insecure twinge in his voice—the one that told him he was too much. Over the course of your relationship, you had showed him that he didn’t have to think like that around you—that he was never too much; he was perfect in your eyes. You hated that he doubted that now.

“Yes, actually.” You tried to keep your tone light, unserious. But there was nothing unserious about just how badly you had missed the man sitting beside you. How you could hear his voice in your mind when you drove late at night, giving you statistics on accidents. Or how on other late nights, you swore you could feel his hands ghosting over your skin—only to find out it was your imagination.

If he could see how truthful you were being, he didn’t acknowledge it, turning his attention back to the coffee table.

“I’ll, um, save you the facts on how beneficial coffee is for hangovers, anyway.” He smiled awkwardly, shuffling a paper coffee cup to where your muffin sat.

“Thank you,” you mumbled, “for the coffee, not the withholding of information—i’m a real fiend for coffee facts…especially when they’re related to curing hangovers!” You said a little too cheerily, trying to alleviate the awkward tension. Although, that only seemed to make it worse.

Spencer just huffed out a little laugh in response, taking the wrapper off of his muffin.

The rest of breakfast went by in silence. Not the comfortable silence you always seemed to have with Spencer—when you were together, you reminded yourself—but a strained one. The kind of silence that occurs when there’s something left unsaid, and you’re just waiting for someone to spit it out.

Spencer broke first.

“So we should probably talk…about last night.”

You finished the remainder of your coffee, setting the empty cup down before turning your whole body to Spencer, tucking your legs up underneath you.

“Right, yeah…”

A beat passed, Spencer’s eyes darting around your face—assessing you.

For someone who had imagined this conversation in your mind countless times, you certainly weren’t saying much.

“I—uh…was very drunk.”

Something in him shifted, like he was putting up imaginary walls.

“So you didn’t mean…any of it?” His brow furrowed, his nose twitching slightly.

“Well no, but I—“ You what? Meant every word you said and more? You couldn’t just say that. You had just got a small part of Spencer back and you didn’t want to ruin it by coming on too strong.

He waited for you to add something, anything, to show him that maybe, maybe there was a tiny part of you that still wanted him as badly as he wanted you. But you didn’t. You just sat there, playing with the fabric of your—his—t-shirt.

He couldn’t do it.

He was so tired of loving people only for them to leave like he had meant nothing to them. Was that all he was to you? Someone you could call when your inhibitions were lowered, looking for comfort? He would do anything to be back in your life again, but he couldn’t be a person of convenience; someone you only wanted when you were lonely.

He ran a hand through his hair, swallowing down the tightness in his throat.

“You were drunk and you got carried away, I get it. I think I better go though—“

“What? No, I—“ You bobbed your mouth like a fish, trying to find the words necessary to keep him here. There were too many of them and yet none at all. None except for three. Three words that you wished you had the courage to say months ago, or weeks ago, or last night. But you never claimed to be a courageous person, and you weren’t about to spill your heart out again only for it to end up in rejection.

Spencer stood, making his way to your bedroom to grab his shoes and coat. He didn’t care about his other clothes, he could buy more—he just needed out before he broke.

You sat dumbfounded on the couch, willing yourself to do something, say something. It was like you were frozen. And you stayed frozen. As Spencer shuffled around your bedroom, as he returned to the living room—completely avoiding your gaze—even as he searched for his keys. You hadn’t realised he had driven over here. He didn’t usually drive unless he had to get somewhere urgently. Were you someone worth seeing urgently to him?

He picked up his keys, heading for your door and only then did you realise how dire the situation was. If he left now you weren’t sure he would ever come back.

“No—wait, Spencer!” You stammered, lunging off the couch to try and stop him. He unlocked the door, moving to leave when you grabbed onto his jacket sleeve.

“Please don’t—I love you!”

“What?”

He turned to face you and you noticed just how wrecked he looked—not at all dissimilar from how you had for the last few months. Had he looked like that the whole time?

You must’ve been staring because when you came back to your senses he was calling your name exasperatedly.

“Do you mean it?”

You were fed up living like this; harbouring so much love for someone and not being able to express it. Even if he didn’t love you back, even if he was over you, you couldn’t go another moment without at least telling him how you felt.

“Yes,” you heaved, “I love you—I never stopped loving you, I was just…” You knitted your brows together, unsure how to phrase what you were feeling.

“I’ve never loved someone the way I love you and that’s…terrifying. I thought the way I felt was wrong, like—when you were on cases, I missed you so much, more than I thought humanely possible and—well, I never wanted to be the kind of girl to base her happiness on another person because that’s how you get hurt. So, I thought the only way to combat that was by…distancing myself. I thought if you weren’t in my life anymore then I’d be able to get a grip and become more independent—“ you huffed, trying to stop the wobble of your voice. “but it didn’t work, because then I was just missing you twice as much, except I couldn’t see you at all—“

“You could’ve answered my messages, we could’ve—“

“So you could return your key? Then things would actually be over. Why do you think I ignored your messages?”

“Why do you think I kept messaging? Angel, I was never going to return that key—at least not willingly—I just wanted to see you, to see if you were doing just as horribly without me as I was without you. You know, I couldn’t even focus on cases—Hotch even suggested I take some time off.”

You frowned, your voice impossibly small. “I’m sorry.”

He took a step toward you, cupping your cheeks in his hands.

“Don’t apologise, you were dealing with your emotions in the best way you knew how. I just wish…” he swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing. “I wish I hadn’t let you go so easily.”

His eyes were shining and—God, you wished you could take it all back. All the pain you had caused him, caused yourself, just because you were too scared to talk about your feelings.

“I wish I hadn’t left.” You blinked away the tears that were threatening to spill from your eyes. “Y’know, I read a book on astrophysics because it reminded me of you. I didn’t understand any of it but I couldn’t put it down. I still—“ you let out a watery chuckle. “still have it in my bedroom somewhere.”

Spencer smiled, swiping under your eye at a tear that must’ve escaped.

“Yeah? Maybe I can read it to you—help you understand it.”

“I’d like that.”

You didn't know much about celestial bodies or the ultimate fate of the universe, but you could've sworn you'd seen the stars pictured in that book in Spencer’s eyes when he looked at you.

“Say it again.” He mumbled, tilting his head down so that your faces were just inches apart.

“I love you.”

And then his lips were on yours, impossibly soft and everything you had been missing since you had broken up. He kissed you like you were the oxygen he needed and all you could do was sigh into him because you knew the feeling.

He leaned back all too soon, resting his forehead against yours.

“Well, I should probably go—“ He smirked, but you cut him off before he could continue his teasing.

“You’re not funny.”

He narrowed his eyes, sucking his teeth.

“I don’t know, I—“

You pressed a firm hand on his chest, bunching the cotton of his t-shirt into a fist.

“Stop. Stay—we can have a pyjama day and maybe for dinner, you can show me just how tech savvy you’ve become and uber us some food—“

He rolled his eyes, kicking the door shut before pressing his lips to yours with more force this time.

“Stop talking.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds

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nomazee · 7 months ago

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Um hello! Is the 1k event thingy still up?? If so I would like to request a classmate! Dr ratio x reader at 2:47 am?

it's actually sickening how much fun i had with this i was giggling at my own jokes while typing this out... this was so fun to write THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING!!!

my 1k event!

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A blaring, aggravating, shrill sound wakes you up. Your hands go to cover your ears, protecting your sanity from the noise ringing somewhere from the tangle of sheets on your bed. Hands flailing around desperately to find the source of the piercing chimes, you writhe around in agony until you finally latch onto your phone.

The brightness of the screen digs into your corneas as you lift up the device to see the caller ID of whoever had the guts to bother you on a school night.

It comes to no surprise that the caller name reads “VERITAS FUCKING RATIO” in all caps with no contact photo. Your eye twitches and the grip on your phone tightens, just a hair away from leaving finger-shaped dents in the metal.

Begrudgingly, you answer the call, tucking the phone next to your ear with nothing less than displeasure. “Veritas. Why are you calling me at—” you pull your phone back to check, “—almost three in the morning?”

“The works cited page,” Veritas Fucking Ratio informs you matter-of-factly. There’s no hint of sleepiness in his voice, nothing that could possibly chip away at his good image, of course. “You did it in the wrong format. It’s supposed to be APA. This is a science project, not a literature project.”

You might kill him. The project in question is to be presented tomorrow— today at ten in the morning. Ratio and you had been working on it for an entire two weeks, broken up into intermittent hour-long sessions because he was adamant that you split up the work instead of rushing to do it all the night before. Stupid self-righteous gorgeous beautiful academic genius-freak. Yeah, it definitely helped you in the long run, but he acted so sanctimonious about it that you refused to admit the benefits.

“Veritas,” you imbue the syllables of his name with poison, as much as you can when you’re swaying as you sit up on your bed and fighting demons to not fall back asleep. “This is such an easily-fixed thing. Do you know what time it is right now? Why are you even awake? You know, I am supposed to get a full seven hours of sleep every night, and I was already cutting it short today, and you woke me up before I could even hit REM sleep. Do you know how upsetting this is? Fix the goddamn works cited yourself!”

For once, Veritas is at a loss for words. The other end of the line is so quiet that you have to double check and make sure he hasn’t just hung up on you. Perspiration builds on your palms, thinking that this is it—this is the exact moment that you make Veritas-Fucking-Ratio snap and delete your name off the project credit slide, and you’re going to get a 0 because he will wipe off any evidence of your work from this plane of existence, and you will spend the rest of your measly life chasing after your MLA-turned-APA works cited page, too-little-too-late.

“I’m awake because the— well.” He pauses, and his voice sounds so far away and unobtrusive that you’re almost worried. Your breath stills in the middle of your diaphragm. Waiting. “The works cited is one thing. But I wanted you to look at the slides, if you can.”

If you can, he says, as if he’s giving you a choice, which he literally never has during this entire process. You had no role in choosing the topic, or the slide theme, or what days you worked on the project, or how often you worked on the project (because god forbid you procrastinate a little bit, right?!), but now, at almost three in the morning, Veritas is saying something along the lines of oh please my dearest project partner, I request that you open the Google Slides at once, but only if you would like to! I would never infringe on your free will at three in the morning, because I respect you as a partner. Or something like that. That was pretty much the gist of it.

A raspy sigh escapes you, and you claw your busted laptop off the nightstand next to you, opening it up and squinting at the LED screen as you punch in your passcode. “You know, I have done a good job at going along with all of your whims, Veritas, the least you could do is fix the works cited for me. Seriously, how did you even miss that? You’re so detail-oriented, but you didn't even realize the format was wrong until tonight? Who even cares, seriously… it’s just a slideshow…”

Your voice trails off as the slideshow presentation finally loads in. You see Veritas’ default profile picture blink in the upper right-hand corner, signaling that he’s viewing the slideshow with you. The slideshow which has apparently undergone a huge makeover.

It’s—pleasant to look at. This entire time, you and Veritas had been editing a default, white-background black-serif-font-text slideshow. He refused to change it, telling you that it’s unprofessional to do anything too embellished, to which you fruitlessly said, Veritas, we will die early deaths because of the hole in the ozone layer, would you at least make it easier on my poor soul by letting me choose a pokemon-theme slide? Veritas had pretended like he couldn't hear you (in a very quiet library room, mind you), but the twitch in his brow gave him away.

Now, though, the slides are decorated. It’s a really nice theme, complete with custom icons and graphic blobs of color—your favorite color, might you add. It’s—pretty. Dare you say, cute, but you think Veritas would vaporize your entire presentation if you called it cute.

“Did you— this— did you pay for this slide theme?”

“You— n— mn,” he trails off into an unintelligible mash of mumbling, and you hear a loud THUD that sounds awfully like the phone being thrown onto a mattress. Fabric shuffles around, before you hear Veritas’ voice again, clear and composed. “Sorry. I dropped my phone.” What a loser, and a liar, and an endearing freak. You really wish he video called you because you need to see his totally-very-ugly face.

“I thought this was unprofessional, Veritas,” you say teasingly, a smile lining your words as you try not to giggle right into the phone. “What made you have a change of heart?”

“Nothing,” the typical firmness of his voice has returned, much to your dismay. “The works cited is still wrong. You have to fix it.”

“Oh, whatever you say, honored Ratio,” you open up your trusty citation-generator, ready for a long fifteen minutes of copying and pasting information. “Hey, you must be free after class tomorrow, right? Since the project is pretty much over, right?”

“Yes,” Veritas answers after a moment of hesitation, only a hint of doubt in his voice.

“That’s great. Keep your schedule clear, then.”

(You fix the works cited slide, wish Veritas sweet dreams, and then wake up in the morning to completely ace your presentation. The minute the period ends, you drag him out of the classroom and into a coffee shop, paying for some five dollar pastry and joking that it’s payback for the cute slideshow theme that he definitely paid five dollars for. Veritas is an awful liar, and you tell him that, and he can’t even find the strength to deny it.)

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gen taglist: @tragedy-of-commons @lasiancunin

fill out my event taglist (pinned) or general taglist (navi) to be tagged in upcoming works!

#nora hits 1k #dr ratio x reader #veritas ratio x reader #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #dr. ratio x reader #honkai x reader #ratio x reader #i love this man he's like a wet piece of bark #like a rained-on plank of wood #this drabble is longer than my dan heng one im sick... dr ratio will not overtake my favorites leaderboard.

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