#does anybody else remember that because i feel like it was really popular for a time | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sagesskies · 1 year ago

Text

ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ꜱᴘɪʀɪᴛ

✒ ɴᴏᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴄᴀɴ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘᴀʀᴛ

☏ - ᴠᴏɪᴄᴇᴍᴀɪʟ: ᴍʀ. ꜱᴀɢᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱɪɴᴄᴇʀᴇʟʏ ᴀᴘᴏʟᴏɢɪᴢᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇʟᴀʏ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀʀᴛ 2 ᴏꜰ ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ᴠɪᴄᴛᴏʀʏ ɢᴏᴅ, ʜᴇ ᴀꜱꜱᴜʀᴇꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ɪᴛ ɪꜱ ɴᴇᴀʀʟʏ ꜰɪɴɪꜱʜᴇᴅ. ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴛɪᴍᴇ, ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ.

ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇꜱ: ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴏꜰ ʜᴏᴍᴏᴘʜᴏʙɪᴀ, ᴄʜᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ [ᴛʜᴇ ɢɪʀʟ ɪꜱ ʜɪꜱ ʙᴇᴀʀᴅ], ꜱᴡᴇᴀʀɪɴɢ, ᴠɪᴏʟᴇɴᴄᴇ, ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ, ꜱᴍᴏᴋɪɴɢ, ɢʜᴏꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴇɴᴀɴɪɢᴀɴꜱ, ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴍɪʟᴅ ꜱᴇxᴜᴀʟ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ, ᴅᴜʙᴄᴏɴ, ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇ ɪꜰ ɪ ᴍɪꜱꜱᴇᴅ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴇʟꜱᴇ!

Yandere Spirit who was your secret boyfriend in high school. A forbidden romance between two youths, who often got to keep their secret because it’d always be excused as just ‘Boys being boys’. He was the most popular boy in school, his older brother was just as popular, but he was even more so.

Yandere Spirit who was good looking, kind hearted, intelligent, and athletically talented as well. You never knew how you were able to get with a guy like him, you were simply another guy on the track team, and he was not only the team’s star but also the captain.

Yandere Spirit who was possessive of you, even in life. He’d always claim you as his partner for group projects, even if there were smarter kids in class, and whenever there was an opportunity he'd always insist you wear his track jacket that had his last name on the back.

Yandere Spirit who still dated other girls, and you tried not to mind so much. They were just a cover, he told you that and you knew it to be true, both of you were aware of what happened to gay boys in this town. He understood more than you, because his older brother Tommy was one of them, and he ran away when he was seventeen.

Yandere Spirit who remains oblivious to how much his behavior with his girlfriends bother you. You never liked how he was always so physically intimate with them. Yeah, it'd be expected of a couple but did he have to do it so much? God, you can't bear to watch this.

Yandere Spirit who always notices how you distance yourself from him whenever he has a new girlfriend, and one day confronts you about it.

“Cmoon, [Name], why won't you just tell me!” Raphael practically whines, he refused to let go of your hand. You were both part of the track and field team but with his strength you'd argue he could be a football player.

When you still didn't reply, he huffs, looks around to see if anybody else was around, then pulls you in close, perching his head on top of yours despite your protests.

“Please babe?” God you never liked it when he called you babe, but you let him anyway, “Tell me what's bothering you…” He sounds like he's near to tears but you keep your lips shut.

“Raph, seriously I'm fine,” You insist, even though you're really not.

The whole day, you had to hang around Raphael and his new girlfriend. It wasn't so bad, Raph made sure that you were included in the conversation and his girl, Cheryl you think her name was, was actually very nice.

Your problem with the situation was seeing your boyfriend being all sweet and cuddly with his new beard the same way he always was with you. Well, there was the fact that he was technically cheating on you- But that's not the big issue here!

Unfortunately for you, you shared a good quarter of your classes with the two lovebirds, and eventually you just distanced yourself from them till you were able to handle the sight of the two of them together.

Even more unfortunately, was Raph's clinginess to you. When he saw you start to drift away, he immediately pulled you back in and when you decided to just ignore them as best as possible without looking rude, he caught on to that too.

“Ugh, I know you're lying [Name],” Raphael pouted, “Come on, remember how we promised each other no secrets between us? Don't tell me you forgot!”

You rolled your eyes, “Anybody would forget Raph, you made me say it in the 2nd grade.”

“Still!” He protested, “Just tell me already [Name].” You could feel his grip get tighter around you, he was getting impatient.

“Was it something I did?” Yes.

“Does it have to do with Cheryl?” Yes.

“Oh come on, don't tell me you're jealous of her!” It was Raph’s turn to roll his eyes, “Babe you know I'm only using her as a cover.”

You glared at him, “Doesn't mean you have to be so touchy with her.”

“She's my new girlfriend,” He used air quotes when he said the word girlfriend, “Gonna have to act like I’m head over heels for her to sell the act.”

You knew he was right, he was saying the exact same things you told yourself whenever you tried to stop the ugly green monster that was envy from rearing its head.

“Besides, don’t you think you kinda deserve it?”

Your eyes widen, and you frown, “What? What do you mean?” Raphael shrugged, “I mean, you’re always tusslin’ and getting all up close with the other guys in the team,” His voice had a bitter edge to it, “I’m your boyfriend,” His hold on you strengthened, “It’s like I’m forced to watch you feel up all these other guys when the only ass you should be groping is mine.”

“Do you hear how silly you sound right now?” You deadpanned, “It’s just guys being guys, most of us have been wrestling each other since we were kids.”

He groans, “Ugh, but that doesn’t change that they still get to touch you so much!”

You sigh, perhaps you and him weren’t so different after all. Not when both of you were so petty as to get jealous because of just, a really plain stupid reason.

So you pat him on the back, and comfort him like you would a child throwing a tantrum. Till he stops whining, and you apologize to each other, then you continue to pretend that it doesn’t bother you when he presses a kiss to a girl’s lips, when he holds her hand, or even plays with her hair.

And you pretend like he’s not playing with your heart.

Yandere Spirit who you watch as he competes with his brother Gabriel over your younger sister, a popular junior who was vice-captain of the cheerleading team. Sometimes when he kisses you, you can’t help but think that this is the same tongue that flirts with your sister.

Yandere Spirit who you accompany when his brother tells him to meet in the woods near Varenway cliff. Sure he was told to go alone, but you never trusted Gabe, he was always too intense for your liking. It was why he’d never be as popular as his brother.

Yandere Spirit who you can only watch as he gets into a fight with his brother, held back by the stronger arms of Gabe’s football teammates who tease and mock you all while assuring Gabe won’t hurt Raphael too badly.

You thrash in their grip like a wild animal refusing to be caged, you kick at their feet, try to slam your head back into their stupid faces, but regardless of your attempts you are still stuck.

“Let go of me, you assholes!” You practically spit.

One of them, your classmate Sam Moss, sneers at you, then turns to his friend, who you recognize as Luke Herring, “Should we let [Name] go Luke?”

Luke lets out a dumb laugh, “Huhuhu, naahh,” His tone is calm like an afternoon breeze, but his eyes are filled with only malice, “I don’t think we should Sam.”

You click your tongue and tune out the rest of their words, they think they’re so intimidating just because they hang around Gabe, who nobody dares to pick a fight with, but they’re nothing more but tiny little pups who think the wolf’s shadow is their own.

Instead you focus your gaze onto Raphael, who moves quicker than Gabe, but whenever a hit is able to land, it lands hard. Your heart clenches when you see the newly forming bruise above Raph’s brow, his busted lip, but you force yourself to remain silent. Raph can handle himself, and you hated to admit to it but Sam and Luke were right, Gabe may be dumb but he wasn’t that dumb to let Raph get seriously hurt.

But still, for every hit that Raph gets in, Gabe lands another solid punch. Raph’s blood stains Gabe’s fists, and his beautiful face is marred. Gabe himself does not even need to catch his breath, the only evidence of exhaustion is a light sheen of sweat.

You feel a sharp tug on your head, and you wince, Luke grabs your hair and has a look of anger on his face.

“Little shit, fuckin’ pay attention to us damnit!” His spit flies in your face, and you grimace, “Should fuckin’ teach you a lesson for such disrespect.”

Sam cackles like a hyena, “Ha! I don’t think Gabe would mind us roughin’ this arrogant prick up a bit,” In his eyes there is a hunger for violence, and you suppress the urge to shiver, you get what your mother means now when she says that men are like animals. You’ve never felt more like prey before now.

You try to ignore them, and the fear that slowly builds in your chest, to get one last glimpse at Raph. But all you see is his head hanging low, and being grabbed by Gabe, whose bruised hands are curled tightly around his collar, before you are thrown down into the floor, and Luke gets on top of you.

His sleeves are pulled back, and he draws back his fist for a punch, but before he can Sam who is still watching the fight, gasps, and Luke turns to see what has happened. Their eyes widen, but all you can hear that tells you of what just happened is a distant sickening crunch.

Luke gets off of you and both he and Sam run to Gabe, who is looking down the cliff. Where is Raph?

You get up, legs shaky for a bit before you steel your resolve and steady, you voice your thoughts, “Where's Raph?”

When you get no response, the fear that was building from the fear of Luke getting his meaty hands on you is now growing from the possibility that Gabe let his anger get the best of him. At the thought of it, it is not only fear budding within you, but also anger.

You march over to Gabe, and with strength you didn’t have before you grab him by the back of his collar and turn him around so you and him were now eye-to-eye, “Did you push him off, Gabriel?” Your voice is shaky, from fury, from anxiety, from both, you do not know. When you receive no response, you grit your teeth, and shake him violently, “Answer me, you bastard!”

Gabriel’s eyes go wide, and his mouth parts but there are no words that leave his lips. But then he nods, and your sudden burst of strength fizzles away, and your hands let go of him. You walk, one step backward, another, and then another, and you fall on your own bottom, and your hands go to your head. Raph loved to do the same thing, hand going to the top of your head and holding it gently, sometimes just laying there together, his hand on your head and both of you quiet together.

You cannot let them see your tears, you cannot. But the dam breaks, and you start to sob.

You hear them speak, Gabe, Sam, and Luke. However, you don’t want to listen to them. They killed him. Sam and Luke had less blood on their hands, but they were the ones who restrained you. If they didn’t then- Then maybe you could- You could… You don’t know. You don’t know, you don’t know.

Gabe is standing in front of you, arms crossed, “Get up, [L/N],” His voice was gruff, nothing like Raph’s who always sounded like he was singing or speaking poetry, “Unless you want to end up like Raph did, you’ll do as I say.” Gabe was cruel too, nothing like Raph.

Hesitantly, you get up, and wipe away the tears on your face. Sam and Luke who were looking at you like you were no better than the dirt on their shoe, now look at you with slight pity. It was no secret in school that you and Raphael were the best of friends, but they wouldn’t be looking at you so if they knew what you two were really like.

You go down the cliff with them, traversing through the steep and rocky terrain. Till you arrived at the bottom, where Raph’s body lay. The blood had stopped flowing by then, or perhaps there was simply too much to look like there was more accumulating. Luke covers the bottom half of his face, Sam turns his head away, and only you and Gabe can look at the corpse.

You glance at him, his face is like stone. You wonder if he regrets what he’s done tonight over your sister, but you can’t bring yourself to ask him without feeling like bile was going to start creeping up your throat.

You help them carry the body deeper into the woods, Luke and Sam go to get the shovel Sam’s dad always kept in the back of his truck, and you are left with the boy who killed your lover.

Both of you are silent, and your eyes go to look at his bruised knuckles stained with Raph’s blood. You must’ve been staring because he glares at you, “What? You wanna join Raph in his grave?”

You know you should stay silent, but you’ve had enough of that.

“It’d be better than having to bury him, that’s for sure,” You snarl out, you want to sock him across the face, but you’d have less impact than Raphael did, “You’re a monster.”

“He got what was coming to him,” Gabriel clenched his fists, “If it wouldn’t be me, it may have been you.”

You flinch, “The hell are you talking about Gabe?” You? Kill Raph? If that was meant to be a joke it wasn’t very funny. But Gabe had the same amount of charm as a donkey’s ass so it probably shouldn’t have surprised you.

“You think I’m blind, [L/N]?” A smirk forms on his face, it looks like Raphael's but at the same time it couldn’t be more different, “Everybody’s seen how you look at him and his girlfriends.”

Your heart raced, did- Did he know? Did everybody know? If so, why weren’t you getting picked on? Raphael may have been the most popular guy in school, but even he would get harassed by some jerk.

“You don’t get to chastise me for shit like this when you’re jealous of all the girls he gets,” At first you’re surprised he knows the word chastise, but when he accuses you of that, you laugh. You laugh like you would at a joke Raphael made, and when you realize that you start to cry.

Gabe looks like he’s going to make fun of you, but thinks better of it when he sees the tears racing down your face and makes an expression of discomfort.

Sam and Luke return, and by that time you’ve dried your tears. Gabe and Luke, the stronger ones, start to dig the grave, and Sam lights a cigarette. He hesitates, and then offers you one, a peace offering of sorts.

You take it, even if you’ve never smoked before, and you cough as the smoke fills your lungs.

“Sorry about Raphael,” He says, there is no cruelty, there is no mockery, only remorse for the blood that has been spilled, “Didn’t know him much, but I knew you two were close.”

You take another puff, and you cough less this time, “It shouldn’t be you who’s apologizing,” You glare at Gabriel, who is digging his own twin brother’s grave. Sam follows your gaze, and he purses his lips, but then he nods.

You crush the cigarette under your shoe, and go to Raphael’s cold corpse. Your eyes scan over him, his eyes are open, the once vibrant green now hollow and empty. You close his eyes. Before you stand back up, you see a familiar glint of steel. The necklace he told you was gifted by his mother.

You take it off his neck, the cross dangling at the end gleaming even in the dark, then place it in your pocket.

Eventually Gabriel and Luke finish up, and you and Sam pick up Raphael’s body and then settle him gently into the grave.

You take one last look at his face, burning it into your mind. He is beautiful even when his face is bloody and bruised. You want to weep again, your tears would wash away the filth from his face, but they would not bring him back.

Yandere Spirit who invades your dreams every single night. He holds you close and what was once a warm embrace, is now a cold and stiff cage. Even if it is a dream you can smell the iron from the blood on his skin, and the earthy odor of the soil he was buried in.

Yandere Spirit whose search you volunteer for. Even if it is only to avoid suspicion. You’re paired with Gabe and his younger brother Amos Jr., and the silence is filled with Junior’s ceaseless chatter. You pity the young boy, who shouldn’t have to search for his brother who he doesn’t even know is dead.

When you go near the spot you buried Raph, your gaze immediately meets Gabe’s and a silent agreement goes between you two. Do not let Junior find the grave.

But despite your best efforts, the boy does, and you can only watch while Gabe threatens him to keep his mouth shut. You're sick, and you haven’t eaten anything all day. You tell Gabe and Junior to go ahead, and then puke your guts out near Raph’s grave.

You hold on to a tree, and sob. The taste of vomit, still on your tongue. The wind blows through your hair, it feels like Raph’s gentle caress. You swear you even hear his voice, whispering to you that it's all going to be okay, that he’ll make things better, that Gabe would pay for what he’s done.

Time passes by. You attend Raphael’s funeral. You study, and go to your classes. You run, run faster than you’ve ever ran. You run faster than even Raph, who you’ve replaced as the track team captain. You wear his necklace every day, and you’d never take it off if you could help it.

Sometimes you swear you hear him, whispering into your ear. Every night you feel like he’s holding you as well, but his touch is cold, yet it still brings you comfort after every nightmare where his bloody corpse stares at you from the shallow grave Gabe made for him.

You start to isolate yourself, especially when the comforting touches become rough and possessive when you spend too much time with anybody else. You make small talk with your classmate? Ghostly fingers dig their nails into your skin. You roughhouse with your friends? Cold arms wrap themselves around your waist so tight you feel like it’s getting crushed. You get hit on by a girl? Suddenly she’s got a cold look in her eyes and leaves mid sentence.

When you graduate, you don’t attend any parties, and you’re not invited to many other than the ones hosted by your track teammates. Gabe invites you to one, surprisingly, but when Raph wraps himself possessively around you, you know you’re not leaving the house tonight.

You don’t sleep that night either, not when Raph’s hands grope your bare flesh, sensitive against his cool touch. You swear you can see him, blood still staining his skin, his eyes are vacant but at the same time hazy with lust. He whimpers, and whines, panting into your ear.

“Feels good.”

“Nngh, sooo warm.”

“Need you, need you, need you.”

“Love you, love you ‘s much.”

“Never letting you go, n- ha.. not even death can separate us.”

You feel dirty, like you’re being used. But you let him continue, you deserve this. Don’t you? You didn’t help him. You were too weak to help him. If only you were stronger, maybe it wouldn’t be his ghost on top of you right now but it’d be him in the flesh. Body just as warm as yours, a beautiful red flush on his sun kissed skin. You’d trace over every freckle, every small childhood scar, and hold him close to you till the sun rose.

But instead, your only company is the freezing form of Raph’s specter as he desperately clings to the comfort of your warmth, to feel alive again. And he’s never leaving you.

“...You’re mine, mine, [Name],” His frigid whispers send a shiver down your spine, “You are mine even in death.”

☏ - ᴠᴏɪᴄᴇᴍᴀɪʟ: ᴍʀ. ꜱᴀɢᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴍɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʀᴇQᴜᴇꜱᴛꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏᴘᴇɴ, ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ'ᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜɪꜱ.

#yandere male x reader #yandere x you #yandere x reader #yandere oc #yandere male #yandere imagines #male yandere #male reader #x reader #yandere #Raphael Shepherd

473 notes · View notes

deathofacupid · 1 year ago

Text

weighing scale

tw: eating disorder (purging, not eating), bodyshaming, ed shaming

btw, if it's requested, i can turn drabbles into full oneshots!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you guys are beautiful the way you are, and nothing anybody ever says or does will ever change that. remember that gaining weight is totally normal, and you can always lose weight, too, but please, do it in a healthy way. if you ever need anyone to talk to, and this isn't just for eds, i'm here, and you can reach out. if not, there are people who care about you and love you.

you're amazing you beautiful mfs

(also i'm sorry if this might not be correct for you, everyone has different experiences with eds)

(also, also, i did 1st person ... and this is just the way i thought when i was going thru this so i kinda made it relate w/ me??)

100.

98.

96.

she watched as the numbers went down, satisfied despite the fact that it was only one pound less yesterday.

90.

88.

even if it meant that she'd always be cold, or that her hair would fall out. it was a small price to pay to be beautiful. to be skinny. to be like all the other girls that peter liked.

y/n kept telling herself that. and it was enough to keep her going.

{four weeks prior}

(first person)

they had little packets for us to take home, like forms. something along the lines of "annual health check-up." the form was just... well, it wasn't a form, really, but more of an opt-out. the paper said they'd just check weight, height, and some other things, like make sure you didn't have scoliosis.

honestly?

i was just happy to be missing a good chunk of math.

everyone got called down to the gym by period, and mine was 5th period, right before lunch.

our class was waiting for them to call us down, so mr. callen just let us do whatever until then. i glanced over to see liz, kayla, and chloe in the corner of the classroom, giggling and pointing towards some of the boys, and eventually, mr. callen.

he was one of the youngest members on faculty, fresh out of college. and i'll admit, he's not bad looking. in fact, he's hotter than most of the guys. and if it wasn't peter that had my heart, maybe i'd think about someone else.

not that the whole peter thing was going great anyways, he seemed interested in liz. so maybe that was my hint to move on. but i don't know. i've just liked him forever, it'd feel wrong to stop now.

i'm just really loyal, i guess.

or maybe this is some weird first love/crush thing, because no matter what, i keep finding myself coming back to him.

it took me second to realize that i'd been staring at the same spot for a while now, so i probably looked funny. i re-adjusted my position and looked at the clock, noting there there was just a few minutes until we'd have to go down.

i looked by at the girls, then at the teacher. did they not realize that he had an engagement ring on? or where they just dense?

because honestly, i'm having a hard time figuring out which one it is.

liz pushed chloe over to the desk, giggling like a manic.

chloe bit her lip, trying to hold in laughter. "hiiii, cal. you know, like, cupid's day is coming?"

me, personally, i didn't really believe in the whole dumb blonde thing, but chloe was changing my aspect on this.

cupid's day was on valentine's day, and you could pay a dollar to have a rose delivered to someone. normally, the freshmen girls did most of the planning. freshmen girls were annoying. they were always together, and i didn't remember a time i'd seen one alone.

i didn't get any on my first year here. last year i got three. but it didn't really count, because mj got me one and betty did. i was hoping that i'd figure out who the third person was, but three weeks into that investigation, i kinda gave up. if they hadn't revealed themselves to me at that point, i'd figured that they probably wouldn't.

maybe junior year will go better.

if you were popular popular, you got at least seven, so it was kind of embarrasing to only get one. and it was probably even more embarrasing to only have, like, one friend. which was betty. but she hadn't hung around me that often since she started dating ned.

mj was an observer, and i knew that much. it was probably the only reason she got me a rose, because she felt bad. but then again, anyone could see how pathetic it was.

peter and i used to be pretty close, but then he met ned, so the attention he gave me got halved.

i would have tried to be friends with ned, because i know he's really nice, but i stressed out too much about it for some reason and gave up. social anxiety, perhaps? it didn't matter, it was too late to do anything about it now.

after that, peter started hanging around liz and some of the other popular kids, and entirely forgot about me.

did forget about ned, though. maybe beacuse i was a girl, and so peter got called "gay" a lot for that. i didn't have much of a chance compared to liz, so i just admired him from afar. it's not that we didn't talk, because we did sometimes, but... actually, i don't know what.

if peter wanted to, he would have.

and it's fairly obvious, but i'm delusional and chose to ignore that.

the intercom snapped me out of whatever zoning out i'd gone back to, "block d, block d. i-is this on? oh, it is? i- yes, block d down to the gym."

everyone got up and pushed their way out the door, i didn't have that type of energy, so i just waited for everyone to get their butts outta the way and then went myself. i followed them down to the hall, staying behind a little. when i finally got over there, i ended up last, right behind chloe, kayla, then liz.

for the most part, it only took a minute or two for each person, so the line didn't take that long.

well, i suppose that's subjective.

it took 15 minutes, but whatever.

when liz was inside, she didn't take care to close the door all the way, leaving it a couple inches open. that's on her.

that's on her for being irresponsible, so it's not really my fault if i accidently hear. i leaned in a little, suddenly very interested in the wall, with all it's cracks... and... paint, and...

"and step on the scale, please... that is," she paused, and you could hear scribbling of a pen.

"121.3 pounds. perfectly healthy. that's actually the average weight for girls your age," another pause, "make sure to give this form to your parents. have a nice day."

liz said something in return and i stepped back, done admiring the wall. "next!" the lady called in.

i stepped inside the room, and it smelt strongly of hand-sanitizer. "okay, honey, step up against the wall... height is... alrightly. now the scale, please."

i did as she asked, keeping my eyes trained on the numbers.

149.7 pounds. basically 150. that was more than liz's, right?

"149, okay, you're good to go-"

"is that around average weight?" i asked, and it was impulsive, i didn't even think.

"well, it's somewhere around that. you're perfectly healthy."

the intercom came on again, signaling my time was over, and the lady thought the same thing, because she ushered me out.

as i walked back to the classroom, i couldn't help but think;

149? no, 150? around average? so basically, i was above average. 30 pounds heavier than liz? no wonder peter likes liz better.

god, that's disgusting. i'm disgusting.

i trudged back to class, unable to stop thinking about it. and suddenly, an idea popped into my mind; why not lose weight? if i lost a little, maybe peter would care about me again.

that's genius. god, i'm a genius.

yeah. i lose a little weight.

when i got back, he'd already started the lesson, not that i cared. i spent the rest of that class figuring out the kinks, like how many calories i'm allowed to eat per day.

i settled on 800.

it seemed like a decent number if i wanted to actually make an impact with weight loss.

stupid kale smoothies weren't gonna get me anywhere, nor idiotic influencer workout routines.

before i knew it, the bell rung and kids were hustling through the hallways. i was kind of on autopilot as i walked to lunch, not really watching where i was going. i'd by mistake shouldered some people, and they gave me dirty looks. i shot them right back.

i couldn't help but silently, in my mind, judge everyone's body that i saw. and not just their body, but other physical features, too. it was automatic, i didn't even mean to. but i couldn't help it.

she's really fat. the gym exists for a reason.

how is she so skinny? i know she's anorexic.

and it just went on and on.

i didn't know what was going on. why this mattered to me all of a sudden.

it was like i didn't notice these things before, i wasn't looking for them, but now that i knew they were there, i couldn't help it.

i couldn't help a lot of things.

when i walked into the lunchroom, i saw peter sitting by himself, writing on some piece of paper, and if i knew him, he wasn't doing the homework due tomorrow.

he was doing yesterday's.

it didn't seem like i'd be bothering him if i went to go talk to him, so that's what i did. i figured since we hadn't talked in while, it would be great to now.

and it'd be a great distraction, too.

i sat down across from him, "hi, peter."

he looked up slowly, a smile rising on his face. "uh, hey, y/n/n," peter paused, "what, um, what did you need?"

"huh? oh, i didn't need anything. just thought i'd come by and annoy the hell out of you."

"just like old times," peter snorted.

"math homework?"

"yep. i have math-"

"-next period," i realized my mistake after i made it. "um, 'cause i see you when i'm walking to class."

in repsonse, he nodded like he was considering it.

i didn't notice i was hungry until my stomach growled, but something inside of me made the thought of getting food and eating it repulsive. i hesitated before grabbing on of peter's fries and popping it in my mouth. he didn't say anything, or really even care, and i didn't know if i liked that or not.

"okay. you have chem next, yeah?"

i blushed at the fact he knew.

"uh, yep," i snagged some more fries, feeling myself loosen up.

and then i realized, that's what this was; i was just in need of some time with actual people who weren't my parents.

i liked this. i liked talking to peter. it was easy. this was easy.

we laughed about some other things, like flash's new donkey haircut.

and i stole more fries. ned, betty, and mj (who normally sat two seats away) came over. the topic of cupid's day came up.

"how many do you think you'll get?" betty asked.

i looked up, "roses?"

"uh-huh."

ned spoke up, "you won't need to worry, bet, i'll get you a whole bouquet." he looked proud of himself.

"i'm not worried," she giggled, like the lovesick fool she was. it was gross. and yes i admit, it was slightly because i was jealous, but whatever. betty didn't have to act so idiotic and desperate.

betty's skinny, too.

"what about you, y/n?" peter said, locking eyes with me.

"i dunno. i never really get any."

something changed in peter's expression, but as soon as it was there, it was gone.

i took another fry. they were really good, for some reason.

"fattie," peter laughed, pulling his lunch tray back, "and then you complain about not getting roses!"

that caused a round of laughs in the small group, but my heart dropped to my feet.

i was right. i was overweight. even peter noticed.

freaking peter noticed.

god, i was ugly and fat, and even peter saw that.

of course he liked liz. he'd be crazy not to. she was curvy and skinny and petite and pretty and skinny.

she was skinny.

i didn't have her hourglass figure.

never did i ever want out of my own skin more.

"y/n?" pete frowned. "i-i'm sorry, it was a joke, i didn't-"

"no, no, not that. i, uh, i... forgot i was supposed to meet with a teacher. sorry. i have to go."

i didn't go to any teachers.

i did go to the bathroom.

and i hid in the handicapped stall. i didn't cry, or sob, or weep or whatever it was stupid girls did in hallmark movies or stuff.

i stood in front of the mirror and picked out everything i hated, making a mental list in my head.

i didn't finish that list, not even after 30 minutes when the bell rung.

the rest of the day flew by rather quickly, it seemed. i felt like i was trapped in a warm haze, but not the fuzzy, happy warmth. i didn't like the way i was thinking. it's like i wanted my brain to turn off, these intruding, ugly thoughts were taking up too much room.

i felt icky.

when i got home, i didn't have my normal after-school snack like i usually did. i went straight upstairs and did homework.

i finished two essays (one that wasn't due until two weeks, and one that was due two days from now), my math homework and studied for my math test, started my science project, and did my french flashcards (and studied them a bit).

i must have been locked in my room for hours, because by the time i got up, it was dark outside.

i wasn't a studious person, and the only reason i did any of this was to forget for a little while. to snap out of it. and for a while, it worked.

"y/n, honey!" my mom screamed from downstairs, and as i glanced at the clock, i realized it was time to have dinner.

but i wasn't hungry.

well, i was.

let me rephrase that; i didn't want to eat.

however, i didn't want my mother yelling at me, so i went down anyways. not that i was planning to eat.

"mom?"

"oh, hey. i already set the table, you seemed like you were working hard and i didn't wanna bother you. dad's working late. go sit down-"

"not hungry."

she frowned. "well, you have to eat something."

"but i'm not hungry," i said, hating how sharply it came out.

my mom gave me warning look. "look, i've had a long day, so don't start with me."

"mommmm," i whined.

"sit."

so i did. i felt bad about bothering her.

i ate. small, tentative bites, forcing it all down. we didn't talk.

silently, i put my dish in the sink, before heading upstairs. the food sat at the bottom of my stomach, like a pile of heavy rocks. i wanted them out.

so i turned on the shower and locked the bathroom door, kneeling in front of the toilet. i pressed my fingers to the back of my throat and kept them there for a second. at first, all i got was bile.

but then i threw up.

peter and i started talking more again. i think he got in a fight with liz.

i asked him if they were dating, and he said no.

i think he started hanging out with me again because i got skinny. i know for a fact that i'm skinnier than liz. i weigh less then her now.

the numbers told me that.

but i didn't listen.

i didn't stop, and how could i? when i'd gotten this far?

we got in a fight. not the yelling kind, though. well, kind of. i yelled a bit.

i thought he was complimenting me. he said i looked skinny, so i thanked him.

"no... i-" he paused, trying to get his thoughts together, "you look skinny, yes, but not in a good way."

"what? what do you mean? like, there's only a good way," i laughed, slightly nervous.

peter ingnored that. "have you been eating enough, angel?" his voice was soft, but there was worry in it. why was he worried? this is the best i've ever been.

"do you ask liz that, too?"

"i- what?"

"liz is skinny. you don't ask her that."

"that- that is different. y-you haven't been eating, have you? is-"

"god, parker! stop! it's none of your business!" maybe if i hadn't been so flustered, i'd have come up with a better comeback.

i was hunched over the toilet, but nothing was coming out. everything hurt.

my head. my stomach.

my throat was scratchy and raw.

i didn't hear the knocking on the door.

i don't really remember peter coming in. i thought i locked it. what was he doing at my house? i couldn't remember.

i wanted to sleep.

i think i was crying. i don't know. i only vaguely remember the hot tears.

i slightly remember him pulling me away from the toilet and into his arms. there were lots of holes in my memory for that day.

he stayed with me, though. one thing i'm sure about is that peter never left my side. i can recall bright lights. tubes. i was laying on something. white walls. white sheets.

what was engraved into my head was peter whispering "i love you" over and over again. in the bathroom. in the car. was it a car? as they hooked me up to cables.

all that mattered, though, was that i was skinny now. just the thought made me feel light and airy.

to think that all it took was a little motivation and a weighing scale.

#reader discretion advised #tw ed #tom holland x reader #spiderman #tom holland #peter parker #peter parker x you

115 notes · View notes

weiszklee · 6 days ago

Text

It's a bit weird, talking about my childhood sexual life, but I feel like doing just that. I have a cold and not much else going on right now, so what's the harm.

You may wish to skip over this entirely if it is not a topic you are comfortable with. I'm not going into graphic detail, but I'm not keeping to allusions either.

So. I started masturbating at a rather early age. I don't know exactly when, as it tends to go with childhood memories. We moved out of a Plattenbau and to a small village when I was eleven, and I had definitely started way, way before that. I don't even know for sure if it was before or after starting school, but I estimate slightly after.

I discovered it entirely on my own. My childhood wasn't like suuuper protected or suuuper repressive, just moderately so for the time, but nobody talked to me about anything sexual at that age for sure. I'm just a natural I guess. You know how circumcision became popular in the US as a way to prevent boys from masturbating? Yeah these guys were thinking about kids like me when they came up with that. Luckily I was born beyond the reaches of their teachings.

What does one even masturbate to at that age? To some extent I didn't really need something to masturbate to, it was the bodily experience itself that I liked. But some fantasies sure did help. I wasn't really interested in other people sexually, like, at all, for years to come. It was more certain narrative scenarios that did it for me.

I'm not gonna go into detail here about what turned me on as a child, let's just say that certain Disney and anime villains were a lot more successful in my fantasies than they were in canon.

This is what I mean when I say I was kinky before I was gay. Not that anybody asked.

I think my parents knew? Like, I don't remember ever getting walked in on by them, but kids that age just aren't good at being secretive. I sure tried to keep it secret. I didn't know what I was doing, really, but I did know that everything regarding this area of the body got treated with shame and secrecy, so I just followed suit. Sometimes I think that this contributed to my generally rather withdrawn personality. I mean, it didn't feel all thaaat special, it just felt good, but I knew very well to keep it to myself, and this connection kind of stuck, that I keep everything I like to myself.

What was I talking about? I think my parents knew. They absolutely knew at some later point. They were trying to subtly remind me more about hygiene rules which don't make sense to emphasise just out of nowhere. Maybe they were just assuming because I hit puberty.

I remember being confused during sex ed when I was like twelve or thirteen. I didn't really understand if and how much what our teacher was talking about had to do with that thing I had been doing in secret for years. Sex ed was very reproduction focused, so these things seemed at most distantly related.

Eventually I did understand the full extend of the relation, and I did not take it well, because I also quickly made some further connections, that this is actually what the boys in the locker room were joking about, and also what the people at church were warning about. This came as a bit of a shock to me, because now this thing I had come to think of as an innocent, childish, maybe embarassing habit, like picking your nose, was actually a very serious transgression.

I tried to stop doing it, that of course did not work, so I resumed just compartmentalising these thoughts, with only occasional reemergence of trying to "quit" the habit.

Around like fourteen I think I started having ejaculations. So at least sex ed came early enough to warn me about that. I had had orgasms since the very beginning, but they were all dry, so to say. The ejaculations started tiny, like a drop, but steadily getting more, and consequently getting harder to hide, but I managed.

Eventually I came about public messaging that masturbation is harmless actually, which eventually broke through the compartmentalisation, so I was a bit more at ease with myself again, although some of the childish bliss in ignorance was gone. What I was doing was no longer effortlessly innocent, it was something people had to be reminded of was innocent. That kinda sucked, but it sure beat all the other public messaging, and it was good enough for me to make my peace with it.

I started having fantasies about men, so I was quickly back to compartmentalising. I kept this going for a long while, surprising given I started getting intellectually curious about sex as well. But eventually the fantasies got too blatant and I had to begrudgingly accept that I was gay. ANOTHER thing people had to effortfully remind each other was actually innocent! This was around age sixteen, and I kept it to myself for two years longer.

The first person I told that I was gay was my therapist, which is a fun sentence to drop at parties. I was a weird kid, and it was the 90s, so I got asked if I was gay a lot, since I was like twelve. At that time, denying it wasn't even lying. When I finally knew the truth, I just continued denying.

Honestly, with how detached my early sexual life was from gender and societal expectations, and with how detached my self conception is from gender, I am sort of surprised that I'm not bi. Then again, my childhood sex life was rather focused on, you know, the male body I had, so maybe it's not actually that surprising. Maybe it's just a coincidence and sexuality actually depends on genes or pre-memory-forming experiences or a combination of both. Maybe I'll wake up one day and find women hot. This feels like something that would have happened already if it was going to happen, but who knows.

Anyway, that's what I felt the need to overshare today, hope you enjoyed.

#mine #tmi

9 notes · View notes

treveonwest · 1 year ago

Text

(PowerRuff part 21 part 3) {The Cutie Prom}

Buttercup💚) yeah that's mostly because I don't like going to fancy events and I did buy the suit to go on a date with Summer but now I get to use it for something else but since we're all ready let's hurry up and go downstairs the Uber driver is going to be here in any minute

Bliss💜) you girls look so pretty I remember my first prom it was actually really fun and I think you girls are going to have a lot of fun

________________________________

Blossom🌸) thanks sis and I sure hope so

____________________

Bubbles💙) I can't stop talking about it and we haven't went there yet

_____________________________

Bliss💜) and Buttercup you look so not pretty not cute but handsome

_________________________

Buttercup💚) you know probably a normal girl would be insulted by that but I actually take that as a full-blown compliment so thanks sis

Narrator) well we see that the girls are having a fun time let's go see what the boys are doing and how they're getting ready

Butch🦴) I am so hot

Boomer😜) well I guess you do kind of look good I think I look a little better though *giggles*

Butch🦴) looking fly broski

Boomer😜) this is really exciting butch how do you think I look I really want to look good for bubbles

________________________________

Butch🦴) dude trust me you look awesome she's going to love it

Brick🤬) are you guys done yet I'm tired of waiting for y'all

___________________________

Butch🦴) yeah we're done just give us a second

Blaze🟣) you guys look so nice I remember my first prom I actually went out with the popular girl

___________________________________

MojoJojo🧠) yeah I went out with a lot of girls and I was your guys's age but I hope you guys have fun considering this is your first prom

Narrator) well it seems like the boys are doing just fine let's go see what the Morebuks girls are doing

Princess👑) pigtails check pretty dress check i think I'm all set but here's one problem usually I would be going to the prom with a boy I'm going with a girl I don't know how to go on a quote on quote date with a girl damn it this is the only issue I'm having

Berserk🔥) well girly that's what you have a bisexual sister for I could teach you how to go on a date with a girl

Princess👑) wow berserk your dress looks really pretty but it's also kinda giving I just left a funeral

__________________________________

Berserk🔥) thank you that's something every goth / Punk girl wants to hear so seriously are you really having an issue with this because Angel is a girl or are you having an issue with this because you think she had something to do with your kidnapping

________________________________

Princess👑) no I don't think she had something to do with my kidnapping I'm convinced about that now but yeah she's a girl I don't like girls I'm not gay I don't know how to go on a date with a girl

__________________

Berserk🔥) well girl you basically got to try to be cool be calm and act like you're talking to one of your friends basically girls talk about well girl stuff and when it comes to flirting you can almost basically try to do what guys do but actually be good at it

_________________________

Princess👑) okay berserk I'll keep that in mind but let's go check on the other girls and see if they're done

Berserk🔥) oh my God brat your outfit is totes adorbs

____________________________

Brat🍑) I know right Tyler is going to love it

_________________

Princess👑) you seem really crazy about this guy but it feels like you just met him

______________________

Brat🍑) yes the last guy I had a crush on was Boomer and he does not like me at all matter of fact I think he's scared of me and he has a girlfriend so I need my situation with Tyler to go well which is why we need to see if brute is done yet come on chop chop

Princess👑) wow brute you look awesome it kind of sucks you're not going with anybody though

_______________________________-

Brute💋) I'm kind of okay with that though I don't need to go with somebody just to have fun let's get this party started

1 Hour Later

Boomer😜) Jesus Christ it's like sweets Galore

______________________________

Bubbles💙) I'm about to have such a terrible Sugar Rush

Princess👑) wow angel you have a yellow dress on too

________________________________

Angel🐭) yeah I thought it would be kind of cute if we matched I know you like to wear yellow so I wore a yellow dress

Scarlett🌹) there she is I got to go talk to her

Summer💄) so sis how do my leftovers taste

Scarlett🌹) that is the most rudest most dehumanizing thing I have ever heard of my whole entire life you know you're really stupid for breaking her heart like that and if you ask me she'll probably like me better than you

Summer💄) oh don't gas yourself up you better than me in your dreams you will forever be in my shadow so don't embarrass me at this party or I swear I will rip your head off…………. Now bye I have to meet up with this guy I went to here with oh yeah it's a guy something you can never get

Scarlett🌹) yeah well I DON'T EVEN LIKE GUY'S!!!!!!!!!

Don't Worry Keep Reading .

#powerpuff girls #fanfic #sims 4 #sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 story #fanfiction #ts4 screenshots #ts4 gameplay #rowdyruff boys #powerruff #princess morbucks #prom #prom dress #formal dress #dating #is it love?#love

9 notes · View notes

5sosfanfictioncatalogue · 1 year ago

Text

Enemies to Friends Masterlist

a little extra credit never hurt anybody - @sup3rbloom (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) michael/ashton T, 4k

Summary: Michael and Ashton used to be best friends when they were younger, unfortunately Michael ditches Ashton for popularity when they get older. Things change when Ashton gets offered extra credit to tutor a failing student. That student so happens to be Michael Clifford.

Fight Me (ao3) - mukeinruins michael/luke G, 1k

Summary: ' "Are we ever gonna stop calling each other by our last names huh, Clifford?" Luke smiled a toothy grin. "Not a chance, Hemmings." Michael smiled and leaned in to kiss Luke's pink lips. '

Gökotta (ao3) - merlypops luke/calum, minor michael/ashton T, 2k

Summary: 'Luke remembers hiding his smile in Cal’s neck as he snuggled closer in the dark, the fear finally gone and replaced with relief and… and something else… something warm and fuzzy that made Luke’s tummy do weird little flops as he thought about what Cal had just said.'

Calum and Luke loved each other their whole lives, long before they really understood what that meant.

Have Little Voice to Speak With (A Mind of Thoughts and Secrecy) (ao3) - arctichalsey michael/luke N/R, 2k

Summary: He broke himself from his inner turmoil and tried, once again, to get a friendly conversation with Luke rolling. "Um, the, uh, the way your strings, kinda, curl out, over the head part," his fingers were burning with how hard he was wringing his own hands. "I can ... I can show you, uh, how to string your guitar without those, um, sticking out."

Luke didn't even bother to look up. "I'd rather not, thank you."

(or, Luke hates Michael, so Michael hates him right back)

'I know looks can kill, because I'm dying for yours' (ao3) - Forbiddenmichael michael/luke, calum/ashton G, 19k (WIP)

Summary: The story of how with the change of the pigment of Michael's hair, comes a change in Luke's attitude towards him. The mere colour of it isn't what causes the change in emotions, it just easier to think about how much has actually changed, when you compare it to something as trivial as the colour of his hair. It all starts when they are merely innocent five year olds, but by the time they are eighteen, many things -including hair dye preferences- have changed.

or luke finds his feelings towards michael changing as often as the colour of michaels hair does.

I'm Gonna Get to Know You Better (This Christmas) (ao3) - allsassnoclass (brightblackholes) michael/luke T, 6k

Summary: “You hate me,” Luke says flatly.

“I know. Well, I don’t--” Michael sighs. Even when he’s trying to do something nice for him, talking to Luke is infuriating. “Look. I know that we don’t like each other, but it’s Christmas Eve and your flight was just cancelled. Do you want hot chocolate or not?”

I Said Thanks Anyways (But In The End You Were Only Gasoline For My Fire) (ao3) - fandomslut1998 michael/luke G, 1k

Summary: the one where michael is tired of everything, canada is cold, and luke just worms his way into everyone's heart somehow

Mamihlapinatapei (ao3) - merlypops michael/calum T, 2k

Summary: 'Michael remembers sitting in the cafeteria at school and gazing at Calum with such fondness and feeling a jolt of shock when Calum returned the look just as warmly, and Michael remembers wondering vaguely when they stopped being brothers and started being something else instead.'

Michael falls in love with his best friend and it feels like being torn apart.

Never (ao3) - notonguexwithbutt michael/luke M, 41k

Summary: "I rub him through his jeans and he pushes against me as he sucks on my lips and scrapes his fingers across my back, undoubtedly leaving marks. After a minute I don’t think I can wait any longer so I sit up again and reach for the waistband of his jeans. His arms fall beside him and he reaches up to grip his hair, looking up at me with his swollen lips parted and eyes dark from being so dilated. He looks so wrecked and I haven’t even properly touched his dick yet."

Michael and Luke work together at a pizza shop and Michael seems to hate Luke but really he's just in denial. Michael's POV.

Prove It (ao3) - notonguexwithbutt michael/luke M, 8k

Summary: "A stretch of silence follows and Luke can feel his cheeks begin to heat up again. Because…Michael is telling him he can stay. And hang out. With him. Luke was leaving and Michael stopped him. His heart speeds up again and a smile starts tugging at his lips.

God, he really better not fuck this up."

Michael's day to himself gets interrupted when a very nervous Luke Hemmings shows up on his doorstep, acoustic guitar and bright blue eyes awaiting him.

through the red light (ao3) - shutupluke michael/ashton G, 1k

Summary: Michael only got a C in maths, but even he knows that the probability of this scenario playing out every day for two months is ridiculously low. Still, it keeps happening. His life is so pathetic it’s literally defying maths.

or: Michael’s arch nemesis just happens to be a guy who walks down the same road as him. It’s about as dumb as it sounds.

Thunder (ao3) - HolyAFIx94 michael/ashton G, 1k

Summary: Ashton and Michael don't get along so well, but a fear of thunderstorms brings them closer than expected.

What I (don't) like about you (ao3) - truly_madly_deeply michael/luke, calum/ashton E, 70k

Summary: Michael hates Luke, Luke hates Michael. When Luke’s older brother Ashton starts dating Michael’s best friend Calum out of all people, the two arch enemies are suddenly forced to spend way too much time together. Which they don’t like at all, but hey, shit happens, and so does love.

Or the one where Luke gets his lip pierced and Michael finds it very distracting.

your string of lights is still bright to me (ao3) - merlypops michael/calum, bryana/ashton, luke/omc E, 81k

Summary: 'Michael looked at himself sometimes, when he was putting six year old Lily to bed or giving her four year old sister Georgie a bath with his shirt sleeves rolled up and the faint silvery scars on display, and although he’d never planned for his life to be this way, he thought it could be a lot worse probably, even if it wasn’t what he’d expected back when he was a teenager with dirty hair and death in his heart.'

Michael is struggling to be the father his daughters need. Until he meets Calum again.

#5sosfanfictioncatalogue #5sos fanfic #5sos #5 seconds of summer #enemiestofriends #enemiestofriends masterlist #masterlists

3 notes · View notes

daydreaming-scheming-demon · 1 month ago

Text

sorry, im really not sure i buy all this.

but yeah, i did get a lot of things wrong here. some that i cleared up in other reblogs, but the version you reblogged was the one that got the most popular unfortunately. i wish people would reblog the other version more.

first off i want to say, this was never intended to be a massive informational post. this was originally random venting i did while half asleep, not even tagged if i remember right. my blog’s not exactly popular, i never expected it to be this big. ive managed to clear some things up in the comments and reblogs tho.

my use of the word ‘basically’ was pretty poor here, i never intended to imply it had already been passed, just that it was very likely to be passed and everybody besides the greens is on board with it. it is very likely to pass. but no, it has not passed. only more reason to get angry about it in my opinion, means there’s time.

secondly, yes, the method has not been fully decided on yet, that was included in the article i limked, and i hope it wouldnt be giving companies your id, but that’s a very real possibility, and the other methods ive seen i just dont feel would hold up well. id has been the main method that’s been talked about here, im not super comforted by ‘but they could use this other thing’. and i couldnt see corporations giving up the chance to collect more personal data unless they had good reason not to, and everything ive seen on it says the burden will be on the corporations. so unless that info’s wrong, that sounds like something to panic about. but yes, it does feel wrong to be making it out as if it could only been that, i shouldve mentioned that in the original post.

look, i like you doing all this, these are some good resources, my original post was a half asleep vent, it was bound to have inaccuracies or misinformation, and im sorry about that, i really am.

but where i really stop following you is when you say this proposal has no teeth.

especially because ive felt the exact same way for a while, and even in my original post, i knew it had ‘no teeth’ in a way, but i didnt say anything on it because i didnt see it as important enough. yes, i shouldve still mentioned it anyway, that there will be ways to get around it. but i didnt mention it bc it’s still dangerous.

there would be no penalties for users who managed to access social media without going through the check, i know, i was never expecting that, only someone who has little idea on how the internet works would expect that. even if the burden werent on the platforms, nobody’s going to take notice of a single under 16 year old slipping into social media. if they managed to do that id be wondering why im not locked up for pirating all the shit i have.

no, anybody tech savvy enough could find ways around this law, if not a vpn then something else.

i was never afraid of the law because i truly thought id have to hand over my id to social media or stop using it. that’s not the fucking problem. the fear i have for myself is the inconvenience of having to setup a vpn just to browse tumblr, but not everyone is tech savvy enough to find ways around these laws, most people arent, most social media users would probably just end up giving up their id or stop using it. and that could be a fucking problem. maybe a cybersecurity nightmare, but also just blatantly allowing and normalising more absurd data collection, more privacy invasion. even without all that, the bandaid solution of locking children out of social media instead of tackling the actual problem infuriates me.

and the biggest thing im worried about is the precedent. this law is fucking absurd, even if it can be broken without punishment. weilding kids’ safety as a weapon, banning an entire group of people from one of the largest ways of communicating today, allowing companies to force id collection if they so wish, even if they all go a different way those other ways dont sound very good either. a law like being considered and especially passing isnt a good sign for the future.

the best i can hope for besides the law not passing at all is that the companies will fail to enforce it so badly that it causes something awful, like, idk, the system being unsustainable somehow, some massive data breach. which no, wouldnt be a good thing, but itd hopefully set the precedent not to try anymore laws like this, instead of being a precedent to keep going.

look, pull me up on my mistakes all you like. other people have done what youve done here and i appreciate it, actually. i never expected this to get as big as it did, i made mistakes here.

but dont bloody well tell me this law isnt worth anybody’s attention and we should all just ignore it and ‘not get side tracked’. i think i have every right to be worried about this, and your reasoning for why i shouldnt be worried was just telling me things i already knew.

course this law is still a fuckin problem, a small portion of the population knowing how to bypass it and not get punished doesnt change anything.

and look, im genuinely sorry about this but im not gonna be replying to whatever response you’ve already been planning out as you read this, im probably not even gonna see it considering the amount of notifications i get every minute. correct me if i got any objective information wrong, but im bloody tired of all this, ive been hearing so much depressing shit these past couple weeks about the goings on of this miserable fucking planet and it’s making me miserable. and being told information i already know about some stupid law i vented about one night doesnt really make me feel much better about it, this law still looks depressing to me, it all does. i dont want a debate even if this is worded like the beginning of one, i only replied because i cant help myself sometimes and i probably shouldnt have been looking at my notifications seeing how bad i already feel.

fucking australia’s trying to get everyone to link their government id to their social media accounts else you cant use them anymore, the actual fuck is wrong with this country

29K notes · View notes

irishhills · 11 months ago

Text

i don't want anybody else

so. the stuff after the cut does not even register on the old fandom citrus scale. they'd laugh me out of the room. it's incredibly tame but decidedly less tame than the material on motownfiction, so it's there.

Eliza is out of her mind.

Really, she must be, if this is what she thinks is a good idea. Luke is in college now, and even though he comes home just about every weekend, he no longer cares what happens at high school parties. He barely cared when he was in high school. He just went to them because St. Elizabeth’s unofficial motto is “Give me popularity, or give me death.” Even Blair knows that. She remembers being at the Egans’ house on the night Luke graduated, talking to anyone who would listen about how he was so thrilled not to go to parties anymore. Chris even made a joke about how most guys look forward to college parties.

“But Luke is not most guys,” Eliza says as she drives to a party at Bridget Latorre’s house. “He’s different, he’s better, he’s always been better.”

“Better’s not exactly how I’d put it,” Chris says from the backseat.

“Maybe not better,” Blair says. “But we do all agree that Luke has different priorities than other guys his age. Which, once again, leads me to say that he does not give a shit who you make out with at Bridget’s party!”

“Which we’re not even invited to, by the way,” Chris says.

“We’ll sneak in,” Eliza says. “And I just have to make sure the right people see me. And I have to choose the right guy to make out with to appropriately piss him off. Does Luke still hate Tall Steve? I don’t think Tall Steve is into me, but in the right lighting, maybe.”

“This is insane,” Blair says. “You’re channeling your mother.”

“Maybe, but I don’t know what else to do. Luke thinks he can just come around here with some older woman he met in college …”

“He literally can,” Chris says. “This is his home.”

“Well, he didn’t need to parade that he got everything he wanted!”

Eliza turns up the volume on the radio. It’s that stupid Divinyls song. Blair can’t help how much it makes her blush. Just the thought of Chris is enough to make her turn bright red these days, but hearing this song while he’s in the backseat … it’s not even on the nose. It’s more literal than that. She draws in a breath and turns around to look at him.

Damn.

Maybe Chris is only attractive to her, except for that flicker of a moment last year when Eliza confused her crush on Luke for a crush on Chris. But she’s pretty sure he’s just cute. His thick dark hair, his laughing brown eyes, the freckles on the bridge of his nose … those send her to a different planet. She wishes she could lean over and kiss him, like he kissed her once in the seventh grade (and again, a little deeper, two years later, and again, a little deeper still, three months ago). But she couldn’t. Chris always pretends like their most recent romantic gesture will be their last one. Tell that to this past Christmas, when he kissed her under the mistletoe in the Egans’ kitchen, just to say he did.

He smiles at her, and she wants to lose her mind.

“Hi,” Blair says.

“Hey,” Chris says. “You know I’m not gonna tell Luke about any of this, right?”

“Absolutely.”

“But we’re still going.”

Blair sighs. She looks over at Eliza, who appears to be speeding down the highway. Life suddenly feels a lot like one of those terrifying driver’s training videos.

“She’s determined,” she says. “You know how she gets.”

Chris laughs, and Blair’s stomach does cartwheels. She clenches her thighs together, too, just for good measure.

When they get to the party, no one notices they’ve snuck in. The hormones are too heavy in the air. No one is even breathing. It’s a room of people eating off each other’s faces. Even Amy’s in the corner with some guy Blair can’t quite focus on, but it’s enough to make Chris want to vomit. Eliza scans the room for anyone who’s available.

“There’s Tall Steve,” she says. “By the fridge. I’m gonna make my move and hope that the fridge light works for me.”

She locks her arms at her sides and marches to the kitchen. Chris laughs again, and Blair’s stomach continues to flip around and tie itself in impossible knots. She can’t believe he hasn’t noticed. Her knees wobble a little bit, and Chris steadies her without even knowing.

“I didn’t think this kind of thing was real,” he says. “I just thought Luke and Amy were making it up.”

“Guess not,” Blair says. “World’s most PG-13 orgy, where everyone is wearing clothes, and no one wants to insert themselves, all puns intended.”

“Yeah, no kidding. Think Caligula would be ashamed?”

“Oh, absolutely. Dionysus, too.”

“Get Bacchus while you’re there.”

“They’re the same.”

“Yes, but they don’t want you to know that. I haven’t decided who is whose imaginary friend, though.”

“Well, they’re both imaginary.”

“Again, that’s what they want you to think.”

Blair laughs. Chris has always been funny, but the more he reads, the cleverer he gets (and the harder to resist he becomes). She thinks about the few times the two of them have kissed. They’ve been nice kisses. Tender and sweet. But at seventeen, Blair is sick of tender and sweet. She needs something more, something better, something … like what she sees here. Her stomach ties itself into even more absurd knots.

“I think we should try making out,” she blurts.

Chris turns to her like she’s out of her mind.

“Like, when?” he asks.

“Right now.”

“With each other?”

“Well, there aren’t really too many available bodies around. Looks like you’re my first choice, and I’m yours.”

Chris sighs. He looks around the room and tries to find an open space. There are bodies all around them, and if they noticed Chris Egan and Blair Donnelly here, the whole room would turn cold.

“I mean, there’s no space,” Chris points out the obvious.

“There could be.”

Chris nods. His eyes flicker toward the stairs. He reaches for Blair’s hand, and his touch is so warm against her constantly frigid skin.

“Shit, Blair,” he says. “Are you dead? Why are you so cold?”

“I don’t know,” Blair says. “I feel hot.”

“Well, you’re not. Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“Bridget Latorre humiliated me in front of our entire school by nominating me for sophomore homecoming prince last year.”

He leads Blair up the stairs, and her legs feel like jelly.

“So?” Blair asks.

“So, I think she can lend me her bed for a little while.”

Blair’s stomach jumps again. Her palms get sweaty, and she prays to God that Chris doesn’t notice or care. They get upstairs and look around for Bridget’s bedroom. Sure enough, there it is – door wide open, revealing discarded bottles of Pepsi, a pizza box she’d almost surely pretend not to recognize, and posters of Marky Mark and Luke Perry.

“Home sweet home, I guess,” Chris says.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Blair says, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “It’s kind of nice if you’re into … anything Bridget appears to be into.”

Chris shrugs. He smacks his hands together like he’s getting started on a group project he knows he’ll have to do all the work for. Blair wonders why you can’t stop who you love.

“OK,” Chris says. “I guess I’ll get on top of you, right?”

He motions to grab her around the waist, but Blair throws up her hands to stop him.

“Are you insane?” she asks. “Not yet! Those things need to be … negotiated, you know? Figured out as time goes on.”

“I thought that’s what I was doing.”

“No, you were jumping the gun. You’re not even … look, we’re trying to figure this out, right? What makes this work for people?”

“Yeah.”

“And most people … you know … they might put on music.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No.”

“We are in Bridget Latorre’s room. Do you think she has any music either of us would want to listen to? At any time?”

“She has music! And we just need something. It shouldn’t … look, if we do this right, the music shouldn’t be what we pay attention to, anyway.”

Chris raises his eyebrows at her, and her stomach drops again. She draws her knees to her chest and thinks about disappearing. But if she disappears, she won’t get to make out with Chris, and that’s … that’s the idea, isn’t it? For the experiment?

She’s even lying to herself.

“I’m starting to think maybe this isn’t an experiment,” Chris says.

“Well, tough, because it is,” Blair says. “It’s just one we want to get right. If that means we end up having a little bit of fun, then I think we’re successful. You know what I mean?”

Chris lets a slow smile spread out across his face. For a second, Blair thinks maybe it’s because he wants to kiss her, too. He walks over to Bridget’s stereo and searches for the right tape.

“About … 90% of this is terrible,” he says, thumbing through cassette after cassette. “OK. Here. This will be fine.”

“Do I get a say?” Blair asks.

“No, this one is a surprise. Gotta let a man surprise a woman every now and then. Write that down. Important, unsung part of the experiment.”

Blair giggles. She lies flat on her back and looks up at the ceiling, which Bridget has littered in plastic glow-in-the-dark stars. Must be a real treat for the guys she brings in here, and by a real treat, Blair means a nightmare.

But nothing is a nightmare so long as she is here with Chris, and he is so adorable.

She hears him messing around with the stereo for a little while before he gets to the song he wants.

Well, I came by your house the other day / your mother said you went away …

Blair sits up to look at Chris, who is walking straight at her, almost like he wants to get this over with. She can’t help it. She throws her head back and laughs.

“What?” Chris asks.

“It’s just … ‘Bobby Jean?’”

“It’s a good song. You like this song, if I’m not mistaken.”

Blair blushes. Chris is not mistaken. She likes Springsteen in general, even though he’s not really cool with normal kids anymore. But she likes this song because it reminds her of Chris, and surely he knows that. Is that why he picked it? Is he sending her a message?

He would never do that.

“It’s fine,” Blair says. “Just … come here, would you?”

Chris meets her on the bed. He wraps his arms around her waist, and before his lips connect with hers, Blair can feel her knees go weak. She opens up to hold more of him, just a little more, just a little closer. She cannot believe he chose “Bobby Jean” for this moment.

But when he kisses her, her hypothesis turns out correct. She doesn’t care what’s on the radio. She only cares about him.

The first few kisses are normal. Closed mouths. Chaste. Blair’s heart starts to race. Do they have to talk about it? When they’re going to open their mouths and let each other in? Will it be difficult? Will she bite his tongue off? Will he bite off hers? She thinks about how Bridget’s bed would look like a massacre, how people would scream. They’d never stop talking about the time Blair Donnelly lost her virginity at a party she wasn’t even invited to. Worst of all, they wouldn’t even be right.

As it turns out, they didn’t have to say anything. She just opens her mouth, he opens his, and it’s easy.

Easy doesn’t even begin to cover it, actually. It’s good. Maybe neither of them has ever done this before, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Blair thinks she’d know if it was bad. Every part of her feels electric. She feels his hand on the small of her back, and she squeals.

“You OK?” Chris mutters against her chin.

“Yeah,” Blair says. “Just … kiss me a little more.”

He keeps kissing her, and she feels like she’s going to burst out of herself. She grabs a fistful of his shirt and wonders where the night will take them now. Feels way too good to stop here. He nips at her ear, and she laughs.

“Bad?” he asks.

“No,” she says. “Fun.”

“I can do it again.”

“Please.”

He does. And then he nips at her other ear, and her neck, and moves back to her lips again. They’re at it long enough for Blair’s back to get tired, so she flips around to straddle Chris’s lap. He grabs the small of her back and looks in her eye like he forgot something.

“Hey, Blair?”

“Yeah?”

“How long … how long are we supposed to do this?”

“Hmm … I think you’re supposed to let me know.”

“How the fuck would I know?”

Blair glances down at him to find … nothing.

She’s not sure if she’s pissed off or shocked. She just keeps asking herself how? They’ve been here so long, they’re already halfway through “Glory Days.” Speaking for herself, she’s beyond ready, and she’s the girl. She knows it doesn’t do any good to be mad at him. It’s not his fault. It’s not hers, either, but that’s how she’ll take it. Blair takes everything personally.

“So concludes the experiment,” she says, climbing off his lap.

“Why?” Chris asks. “That was fun. I was having fun.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Couldn’t you tell?”

Blair inhales. She’s not a crier, but nobody brings the tears out of her like Chris Egan does. She smooths out her skirt and swallows hard.

If only.

“I guess so, for a little while,” Blair says. “I was having fun, too.”

“I know,” Chris says. “So, maybe … I don’t know. Do you wanna talk?”

Blair shakes her head.

“Not right now.”

“Oh. OK. Uh … hey, uh … you still like me? I’m sorry. I know how that sounds. It’s just … this is what they warn you about when you’re straight and your best friend’s a girl.”

“Yes,” Blair says. “I still like you. I just … I have to go to the bathroom.”

“OK. I’m gonna try to find Eliza. See if she’s come to her senses.”

Blair snorts. She wishes Chris could hear himself. Come to her senses. That’s what she wanted to do, and she wanted to do it with him.

“You do that.”

Blair leaves the room and runs straight to the bathroom, so fast there’s no way anyone could ever see her. She locks herself in and stares at herself in the mirror. Lipstick smeared, hair matted up in the back, the faint outline of her best friend’s teeth on her neck. Apparently, he confused “Let’s try making out” for “Let’s try to summon the ghost of Bram Stoker.” She can’t help laughing to herself, right there, in the bathroom mirror.

Doesn’t take long for her to start crying, too.

Right there, in the bathroom mirror.

#drabble #writeblr #ch: blair donnelly #ch: chris egan #ch: eliza murphy #ship: devoted to you #year: 1991

0 notes

mrkstyx · 2 years ago

Text

9 Steps to Being Completely Miserable:

1. Always blame someone else for your problems.

Popular choices include the government, society at large, big corporations, your parents, that group of evil people that you don't really like.

Me? I just blame everything on my dad.

2. Complain constantly.

Now that you've found someone to blame for all your problems, you wanna spend as much time and energy as possible telling other people that it's their fault, because after all, what's the point of being miserable if you can't make everybody else around you miserable as well?

3. Avoid anything remotely uncomfortable or challenging.

That means no exercising, no honest and difficult conversations with our loved ones or the people we care about. It definitely means developing no new skills or hobbies, and it certainly means never changing your mind about any of your beliefs whatsoever.

4. Wait for someone else to come fix all your problems.

Now, this could be somebody close to you, like a family member. It could be an imaginary girlfriend or boyfriend. It could be a politician, I recommend that. I also recommend putting all your hopes and dreams on some douchey internet personality. Because that’s definitely gonna turn out well.

5. Get angry when that person doesn't fix all your life's problems.

That's right, people suck. Everybody lets you down and you can't trust anybody. But remember, it's not your fault. It's *their* fault.

6. Become obsessed with what other people think about you.

An old friend that you haven't heard from in years suddenly sends you a happy birthday text. What do they want? What do they *really* want? Oh, look, somebody landed in your DMs on Instagram. Does that mean they like you? Should you be funny? Should you be interested? Should you be aloof?

7. Validate all of your thoughts and ideas on social media.

If you have crazy ideas of political revolution, the algorithm will find some idiot pundits to justify those beliefs. If you feel like all women are absolutely disgusting and you're gonna stay single forever, don't worry, social media's got your back. You're not the problem, they're the problem.

8. Numb yourself.

Obviously, things like video games, porn, TikTok, they're a nice starting point, but that's kind of the bare minimum. If you're ready to get serious about numbing yourself to the outside world, may I recommend a mild case of alcoholism, a gambling addiction, or maybe spending all your life savings on cheap hookers.

9. Believe that change is impossible.

Now that we've baked the whole miserable cake, it's time to put the icing on top. And that is a belief in the impossibility of change, because what is more miserable than the belief that misery itself will never end?

#mark manson

0 notes

xleeleeboox · 2 years ago

Text

do you still love me?

Robin Buckley x fem!reader

Warnings: A little bit of angst, secret relationship, implied homophobia, fluffy ending

1.3k words

—-------

It was hard to not be insecure sometimes. Teenagers always have a lot of hormones. Hawkins high had a lot of cliques and a lot of these cliques had a lot of pretty people.

Often times you’d catch Robin looking at one of them. Now the thing is Robin kind of does have a staring problem. It’s not that she wants to stare at them, she just does stare at them and she can’t really help it. It happens with just about anybody.

Robin has told you time and time again that she has flaws like this, but you still can’t help it but let it get to your head. Do you know not to worry because you know that she’ll never cheat on you, but if she still has feelings for you it is different.

It’s a rabbit hole that you often find yourself going down, especially late at night when you’re thinking. Robin was spending the night at your house and you two were laying in bed together. She had asked you before if you were doing okay and of course he said yes but it wasn’t too convincing.

However Robin decided to let it go because she figured that you would tell her if you were ready. Robin was an over thinker too and the fact that you started to become more quiet made her nervous.

You were more popular than Robin but you weren’t a popular kid. This made her overthink because you could have anybody you want, you really could have. You had people every once in a while ask you out and you always decline since you were secretly dating Robin.

One day after class, you walked to your locker to switch out your books for the second half of the day, when you felt someone behind you. You turn around at the feeling of someone’s presence and noticed that it’s not Robin. It’s Jimmy, from your math class.

“Oh, hi Jimmy. What’s up?” You ask politely.

“Hey, did I miss anything from class yesterday?” He asked.

“Oh, no not really. We took some notes, but I copied some for you.” You say, rummaging in your notebook. You find what you wanted and tear a couple of pages out, handing them over.

“Thank you, Y/N, you’re a sweetheart.” Jimmy tells you, with a smile. You can’t help it but smile back, it was a nice compliment.

“Oh, well thank you Jimmy. Is there anything else you need?” You ask him, trying to end the conversation so you could go meet with your girlfriend.

“Yeah, actually. I was wondering if you had any open time this Friday after school?” He leads on.

“Um, I’m not sure yet to be honest.” “Okay, well if you figure it out, give me a call, I’d love to take you on a date sometime.” He said with a smirk and a wink. Little did you know that Robin was already there and waiting for you, seeing everything that just went down.

You turn around to see her, an emotion on her face that is hard to read. So you finish grabbing the rest of your books, closing your locker, and heading over to her. But it’s almost easy to miss. You weave in and out of a few people to reach her, finally sighing as you reach her.

“Did you see that?” You asked with a giggle.

“Yeah I did.” Robin replied shortly. She wasn’t angry, she was just worried. You were smiling with him, handing him something, and then he handed you his number asking you out. You didn’t have a chance to decline before he walked away.

“It was weird. I had no idea he was even interested in me. Usually it’s easy to tell.” Robin’s heart squeezes a little bit, thinking about it. I mean you were in a gay relationship with another girl, and you had to keep it a secret. Of course other people had no idea, they all thought you and Robin were friends.

“I had no idea you liked me.” She pipes up.

You laughed at this, “Yeah until I kissed you, remember?” You asked, reminiscing about that kiss. It was so nice, awkward, but nice. She nods, no smile forming on her face, so you know something is wrong. Robin always smiles at the thought of kissing you.

“What’s wrong babe?” You pull her in to whisper in her ear, a shiver slithers down Robin’s back.

“Nothing. You’re not gonna call him are you?”

“No.” You said laughing. “Wanna come over? We can cuddle, and things.” You said, leaning into her.

“Yeah that sounds good.” she gave you a smile that was small.

The rest of the day passes and you and Robin are laying on your bed, a taped movie playing. Your arm was around Robin, as she cuddled against your side, curling against you, nuzzling her head into your chest and neck. She was content with this, it was one of her favorite things to do. It allowed you two to get close with each other, and get comfy enough to sleep.

But it was also times like this where sometimes she couldn’t sleep. Robin would stay up with her own thoughts too, just as you have before. You began to notice some of the signs of her being off earlier in the day. You didn’t want to pry, but you also didn’t want her to be upset, or need something. What if she was in need of something and she thought you didn’t notice?

“Hey baby? Are you okay? You have been staring off into space, and earlier today you seemed a bit off. I just want to make sure you’re alright.” You speak up.

Robin looks up at you, and in a split second everything she has ever thought about you starts running through her head. All of the kisses, dates, hugs, cuddles, everything sweet you two have told each other. She noticed how you seemed to be spacing out sometimes too, a disconnect in your relationship together.

“Do you still love me?” She asked. Your heart stopped for a second, and you answered immediately.

“Yes, Robin. I still love you, very, very much. What’s all this about?” You push.

“You have been seeming different lately, and Jimmy asking you out today just really got me thinking. You could be with anyone you want, and you won’t have to hide it. I can tell that you’re thinking of things, and I wanna know what it is. Are we doing okay?” She explains.

“Oh Robin. I love you so so so so much. You are my favorite person in the entire world, I would trust you with anything and everything. I think I know what the problem is. You started seeming off, I started thinking about it, and I probably seemed off, which made you upset, and then made you seem even more off.” Robin pulled a confused face.

“What?”

“Okay let me put it this way, honey. I love you, I love you, and I don’t love anyone else like I do you. I couldn’t. I know that I could be dating someone else, but that is not what I want, I want you. So I am not dating anyone else. You still love me, right?” You ask to make a point.

“Yes, yes of course I still love you.” She quickly answers.

“We are still in love with each other. And besides, you could have anyone you want, and you’re still with me. Now that’s something. Because I can be annoying.” You joke around with a laugh.

Robin laughs too, revealing a smile. “I am in love with you. And you are annoying, but so am I.” Robin leans up and presses a kiss to your lips.

---------------

#robin buckley x reader #robin buckley #robin stranger things #robin buckley headcanons #robin buckley imagines #stranger things #stranger things imagines #stranger things headcannons #robin buckley smut

459 notes · View notes

thetaleoflevi · 3 years ago

Text

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Lovers Who Hesitate

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Pairing: Levi x fem!reader

Content: NSFW, Modern AU

Content Warnings: Insinuated poor relationship with family, explicit language, workaholic reader, alcohol *wine, drunk reader, vomit, 18+ smut, rub a dub dub…sorry, hand job through boxers, PIV sex, breast play, clitoral stimulation, scratching, more 18+ things, 18+ warning no. 3!, friends to lovers

Word Count: 13.4k

Description: Just a whole fic dedicated to Levi and Reader acting like dumb lovers throughout their friendship.

A/N: I hate writing descriptions//summaries. You guys know this and yet I still mention it every time I post something. Apologies :p. Anyways, I really hope you enjoy! 💙

⭐️Taglist: @urfilgoth @ackermandick

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You were in love. You fell so hard, and it was the messiest thing you’d ever felt. It was upsetting when you finally came to terms with it, because you had given into one of those things you said you wouldn’t get into. “Money and success are the way of life,” you vividly remember your mother telling you when you were just twelve years old. Love had no room in the equation, or so your days on this popular, lonely planet showed you.

The universe was cruel for letting someone like him get in the way of you making life your bitch. It was stupid. He had a habit of walking into your office and watching you work, knowing he had things to get to before the end of the day. You found it childish whenever you blushed at the feeling of his body heat radiating from behind you. He enjoyed the rage that engulfed you when you were forced to stay later because your boss was a lazy asshole who pretended he didn’t know how to do his job so that you would do it for him. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Right…?

“Hey, Levi?” You poke your head through the doorway of his office.

“Yes, what can I do for you?” He spins his chair to face you, folding his hands in his lap, giving you all of his attention. It shouldn’t affect you as much as it does, but you can feel your ears getting warmer by the second.

“Oh, um, I was gonna go get some coffee from the shop across the street, and I was wondering if you wanted something.” You straighten your posture, your whole body in the room now.

“Did you ask anybody else?” His lip quirks up a little. You’re too kind for your own good.

“N-No. You’re kind of my only friend here,” you chuckle nervously, your whole face now growing warm at the lame confession.

“I see. I think it’s only fair that I join you, then. As your friend.” He stands up from his chair, grabbing his coat from the hook built into his door.

“I can just bring it to you. You don’t have to come with me,” you insist. “It’s right across the street. I’ll be back in two minutes.”

“It’s lunchtime. I doubt you’ll be back in two minutes.” He grabs his keys, putting them in his pocket as he nears the exit. “The lunch rush is killer for that tiny shop.“ He’s out the door before you are, but when he continues walking and doesn’t hear you behind him, he turns around.

“Come on. We can even sit inside if you want.”

You nod, an awkward smile on your face as you follow closely behind him.

—

“Have you had anything from this place? I’m looking at the premium black tea. It says premium but in my experience, anything with the word premium before it is a simple product with an extra charge.” He scans the board filled top to bottom with different items handwritten in a curly font.

“Actually, I haven’t. I just really needed some caffeine, but my go-to cafe is closed today.” You inch closer to the person in front of you as the line moves forward.

“Ah, then I guess this will be a first time for the both of us.” He looks away from the board, facing you. Your cheeks have a pink tint to them. You shove your sweaty hands into your pockets, still clenching them tightly.

“I can help the next guest,” the cashier calls to you and Levi. “What can I get started for you guys today?” The brunette says, emerald eyes flickering from your breasts to your eyes.

“I have a question about your premium black tea. What about it makes it a premium drink? There’s an extra charge for it, so it must be deserving of it.” Levi talks to the cashier, not getting full attention from the him. His name tag said ‘Eren’.

“Uh, yeah, give me a second. Mikasa!” He calls the black haired woman in the other room. She was quick to get beside him.

“Yes, Eren?” Her soft spoken voice was a great contrast to her pretty face.

“The guest wants to know what makes the premium black tea a premium drink.”

“Oh, the tea leaves are imported from China. The price per pound is a bit expensive, so we do want to make sure we make our money back eventually.” Her tone is flat as she answers any follow up questions Levi has.

“Did you need anything else, Eren?” Her voice gains its softness again.

“No, that was it. Thanks, Mikasa.” He winks at her, the woman’s pale face going red in seconds. She walks away, quickly turning to hide her blush.

“I’ll try the tea, then. What do you want?” Levi turns to you.

“Coffee,” you blurt. You’re not blind. You can see the direction the man’s eyes are looking in, and it’s unsettling.

“Okay. Did you want any sugar, milk, or creamer?” Levi catches onto your uncomfortableness.

“Yes.”

“Okay. She’ll have her coffee with milk and sugar.”

The cashier rings it all up, giving Levi a receipt. Once the drinks are ready, Levi goes to pick them up. “It’s polite to look customers in the eye when helping them.” He picks up the two cups, looking at Eren’s name tag one more time before going to the table you sat at.

“This one is mine and this one is yours.” He puts the cup down in front of you. “I don’t think we should come back here.”

“Why not?” You bring the cup to your lips, the hot liquid instantly burning your tongue as it enters your mouth.

“I know somewhere better. We’ll have to finish our work quicker, but I promise it’s worth it.”

Why does he have to be so impressive? Why can’t he give you a reason to hate him? A reason to focus solely on your life and forget about him.

“That sounds nice, but when aren’t we slammed with work? We got lucky today.” You attempt to push away from the idea.

“Why does it have to be during work?” His sterling eyes look into yours, his focus unwavering.

You think you should just come clean. You can’t stray off the path of success. Sadly, happiness isn’t part of the equation either.

“Levi, I-“

Your phone vibrates in your pocket. Your boss’s name pops up on the screen.

“One second,” you say, clicking the green button. Your boss wanted to know where you were, and unfortunately you got an earful.

Levi took the time to admire your features. Your lips formed the syllables of every word so elegantly, and your word choice is so careful, like you’ve prepared for conversations you haven’t had yet for days. He looks down at your neck, a simple necklace decorating it. Levi realizes something as you defend yourself on the phone. You’re beautiful, kind, and you know what you want, but you seem unavailable. You seem oblivious to his advances, or just plain uninterested.

“Okay. See you there,” you say, ending the phone call. You exhale frustratedly. “Boss called. I have to go.” You stand up, pushing your chair in with one hand, picking your cup up with the other.

“If you have to go, I have to go.” A small smile forms on his face.

“No, you’re fine. He didn’t ask for you.”

“If I sit here alone, it defeats the purpose of me coming with you. I wanted to spend my break with you.” He stands, repeating the same process as you.

“Sorry, Levi. I’ll make it up to you. I’ll buy the drinks next time.” You blush as he gets closer. The smell of his cologne wafts into your nose, and suddenly you feel even more nervous than before.

“It’s fine. We’re not coming back here. Let’s go.” His palm lands on your upper back, guiding you towards the exit. He turns to look at the cashier one more time, giving him a cold expression before following you back to the building.

You went right back to your office and slaved yourself for another three hours, sipping on the coffee that got cold as you focused on the endless reports on your computer screen. You clicked the last key for the day, slouching in your chair immediately after. Your phone buzzed on the desk, and the screen glowed with a notification. Levi’s name popped up.

Have dinner with me?

Your blood ran cold and your heartbeat was erratic. What about you intrigued him so much? Why did he want to spend time with you? What made you special?

Okay. Nothing fancy.

Just for tonight. Let me take you somewhere nice.

‘This sounds like a date’ you typed before deleting the message.

This is a one time thing, Ackerman. What time?

9PM. I’ll pick you up.

Deal.

—

It’s eight forty-five and you’re still panicking about how you should do your hair. It’s so unmanageable, too. It keeps sticking out in different directions, and you’re stressing about it like hell.

Just parked. The reservation is for 9:30 and it’s a 20 minute drive. Not trying to rush you or anything :)

No. The smiley face. You wasted a solid three minutes staring at it, and your hair still looked crazy.

—

You got in his car, feeling proud of yourself for being able to tame your mane.

“God,” Levi says, gawking at you. He’s blushing and you don’t even notice because you’re too focused on second guessing your outfit choice.

“W-What? Don’t we have to get going? It’s nine ten.” You try to distract him from your appearance.

“Forget the reservation. I’m cooking for you.”

“Oh, but you spent all that money. Let me at least pay you back.” You open your purse and pull out an inch of your wallet before Levi pushes it back in.

“It doesn’t matter. You can pay me back by letting me cook for you. I promise my cooking isn’t as bad as you might think.”

You chuckle before giving in.

“Okay, fine.”

He grins, putting the gear in drive, before driving you to his lovely home.

—

“Make yourself at home. Can I get you like something to drink?” He taps your shoulder, signaling for you to give him your coat.

“I’ll have what you’re having.” You feel strange in his house, not comfortable, but not totally uncomfortable. Being in a house that isn’t yours makes your nervous for a number of reasons, the main one being that if something breaks or goes missing, you’ll be the first person to blame as the invitee.

“I was gonna have a glass of wine. Are you sure you’ll have the same?” He goes into the kitchen, heading towards a cabinet where he stores fancy alcohol that is reserved only for the most special occasions. The occasion of today—you’re spending time with him outside of work, and that makes him feel like a hundred lightning bolts are powering him up.

He feels good about having you in his home. He prefers it because it’s more personal for him to cook for you than to pay for someone else to do it.

“Yeah, that should be fine.” You tiptoe towards the kitchen, stopping on the nonexistent line that divides the kitchen and the living room. You watch Levi as he skims through the labels on endless bottles of wine, not knowing that he’s choosing the most elegant one to share with you.

“This one looks good. We’ll start you off with half a glass because I don’t know what your alcohol tolerance is like.” He reaches up to grab two bulbous glasses from the cupboard.

“I don’t drink much wine, so I wouldn’t be able to tell you either.” You chuckle, still awkwardly standing between the two rooms.

The scarlet colored liquid pours into the glasses, yours only filled halfway, as promised, while Levi’s fills up just a little more.

“I’m gonna boldly assume that you have a high tolerance for alcohol. Correct me if i’m wrong.”

“Exactly. I’m still going to sip on it, but only because I’m trying to prove a point.” He goes into the fridge and brings out colorful ingredients for the meal he’s going to wow you with.

“Which is?” You question.

“Hmm…I need this, and this…and some of this,” he mutters to himself as he picks more ingredients from the drawers. He puts them all in a basket, thoroughly washing them before setting the basket on the counter so that he can rinse his cutting board and a knife. The water shuts off and he sets the cutting board over a damp towel.

“I know how to cook more than just scrambled eggs and ramen noodles.”

He finally says something about the way you’re still standing between the kitchen and living room, quirking a brow at the strangeness. “Sit on that stool for me, will you?” He points at a circle shaped stool that positions you in front of him, with his knife. He rolls up the sleeves of his light grey dress shirt before starting the prepping process for dinner.

You talked about so many things while watching him cook. How he got lured into the company you both work at, how much you both hated your lousy boss, dreams, places you’ve always wanted to go to. You got stuck on that last one for the longest time because Levi kept offering to take you to the places you only saw in your dreams. You settled for going on a spontaneous trip to Salzburg with him. The only rule was that it couldn’t be any time within the next two years, and that the trip had to be spontaneous. He agreed.

“It smells so fucking good, Levi.” You inhaled the smell that filled the air deeply. The profanity was a surprise, but he was glad you liked the aroma of the food he’d put so much effort into.

“One more minute.” He leans against the counter, watching as you eye your glass of wine. Half of it was gone, and you felt fine, or maybe you didn’t. Maybe that’s where the vulgar word came from.

“Time is a weird concept, don’t you think? In another dimension, the food would be done already, and in another dimension you would barely be putting it into the oven. I hate to break it to you, but in another dimension, we got carried away finding out about each other, and your food burned.”

Levi had figured out that day that your alcohol tolerance was weak. “I think it’s ready. Let’s get some food in your stomach.”

His oven mitts were cute. They were a gift from someone named Hange, and regardless of how stupid Levi thought the penguin littered, baby blue mitts were, he didn’t have the heart to throw them away. Hange moved hours—miles away, and these were one of his prized possessions.

—

“This is so good. Where did you learn to cook?” Halfway through the meal you sobered up a little. Partially because you stopped drinking the wine and stuffed your face a little.

“I’m self taught. I came to a realization during my final year of university,” he takes another sip of wine, taking his time to tell you his background of cooking, while you’re hanging onto every one of his words.

“What was the realization after all of that?” You ask, finally taking another sip of wine.

“I never want to live off of instant macaroni and cheese or frozen pizza ever again.” He picks up the perfect serving of vegetables and steak with his fork, feeding it into his mouth. “For something that takes two minutes to make, you get some shitty paste of a meal, when really, if you take more time and put in a little more effort, you can make something healthy—something that actually fills you.”

You suddenly feel ashamed of your stash of Kraft macaroni and cheese.

“Do you know how to cook?” He asks, washing down his last bite with a sip of wine.

“Not like this. I can cook you a piece of steak at most.” You savor the last bite of your meal. It’s something you wouldn’t even think to make in a million years.

“I can teach you, if you’d like,” his face warms up at the idea of spending even more time with you.

“No, I can’t ask you to do something like that for me. I’d only test your patience, and your patience is already tested at work.” You smile politely.

“I would have so much patience with you.”

Your face goes rosy at his last sentence. He didn’t mean it that way, but sometimes your mind likes making you think in that manner.

“Well, i’ll leave that at a maybe.”

—

“More wine?” He asks for the fifth time that night.

“Yes, please, Mr. Ackerman,” you slur. He had drank the same amount as you, maybe even more, yet it made less of an effect on him than you.

You stare blankly at the remaining drops at the bottom of your glass.

“On second thought, I don’t need it. It’s getting late, and I have to walk home,” your eyes were halfway shut and you spoke sluggishly.

“There’s no way you’re walking home in this state.”

You furrow your eyebrows. “And why is that? You’re telling me I can’t go home?”

You’re a mess. A stubborn, beautiful mess. Levi feels honored to be allowed to see you this way. You’re not stressing over work, you’re not stressing over family expectations. You’re intoxicated and honest.

“Maybe,” he replies to your cold gaze. “I’ll give you two options. One: you spend the night here. I have an extra room you can sleep in and i’ll be right next door if you need anything. Two: we sober up in the next few hours and i’ll drive you home as soon as I can.”

You go into a pensive state, struggling to remember the first option.

“One is my favorite number so i’ll go with that choice.”

At least you forgot how irritated you were a second ago when Levi said you couldn’t walk home.

“Levi, my favorite number is one,” you repeat.

“You mentioned that earlier.”

“Becauseeee, it’s so lonely. I could keep it company.” You blink. “Are you lonely? Am I keeping you company?”

“Yes.” That answered both of your questions.

“I’m so happy to be here with you, you know. I have something to tell you, but you can’t tell anyone. Okay?” You scooch closer to him, your shoulder touching his.

“Okay,” he says, mainly to entertain you.

You lean in, cupping his ear as you whisper what you’ve kept to yourself for months, maybe even a year now.

“I have a crush on you, Levi.” You giggle in his ear. “You can’t tell anyone, though.”

His cheeks are bright red, and suddenly it’s difficult to sit so close to you. His silence scares you, and you’re scared he might spill tea that isn’t meant to be spilled.

“Swear you won’t tell.”

“Who would I tell?” He asks, turning his head to face you.

“Your friend Hange and the people at work. Please don’t tell them, Levi. It’s embarrassing.” You hide your face behind his shoulder. “Swear.”

“Okay, I won’t tell anyone. I swear.”

You come out of hiding and kiss his cheek multiple times, a surprise that spreads fire to his whole body.

“I like you a lot. I’ve been dying to do this since…” you hiccup. “I don’t remember, but it’s a really long time,” you slur as you hop onto his lap, holding his face in your hands as you pepper more kisses all over it.

‘It’s just kisses,’ Levi thinks to himself. If it goes further, he’ll put an end to it.

“Your hair is so soft,” you say, twirling a strand between your fingers. You sigh, your breath bringing goosebumps to his skin. Something must have disappointed you, because you stopped immediately and put your face in his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” Levi asks, looking down at you. He’s hesitant, but eventually he puts a hand on your head, smoothing down some ruffled parts of your hair.

“I-I don’t want to say it. It’s embarrassing,” you speak into his shoulder.

“You said i’m your only friend. That means you should be able to tell me anything.”

You hum in agreement, lifting your head to face him once again. You pull the straps of your dress down, revealing your bare shoulders. You can’t look at him as you do it, so you look at the wall behind him.

“I-I want you to take me to the bedroom, Levi.” You lower the bust of your dress, exposing the matching red strapless bra you’re wearing.

He wants this so badly. He hasn’t wanted anything as much as he wants you, in so long.

“How about we get ready to sleep?” He pulls your dress back up, sliding your arms back into the straps.

“But Levi, I need you.” You squeeze his waist with your thighs.

“You need to sleep it off is what you need,” he says, holding onto the bottom of your dress so it doesn’t ride up when he carries you to the extra room.

“Okay, maybe next time,” you mumble, wrapping your arms around his neck and laying your head on his shoulder as he stands up. He carries you as if you weigh no more than a feather. He can hear what sounds like quiet snores coming from you before you even make it to the room. He flicks the light switch on with his back, before moving towards the bed. He lays you down on the comfy bed, but you refuse to let go of him. Your arms stay wrapped around his neck tightly.

“You wouldn’t let me sleep alone in here, would you?” You mumble, your eyes still closed.

“I think it would be inappropriate if I stayed,” he whispers as he unlinks your arms from his neck. He straightens his posture, looking down into your barely open eyes.

“Levi, stay,” you whine, reaching your arms towards him slowly like a sloth. “You have my consent, look.” You put a thumbs up and grin toothily. “You can even bring me a notepad and i’ll sign the legal documents needed for you to sit your ass in that chair.”

If he knew you would be so needy, he wouldn’t have continued to offer you more wine after the third glass. Then again, it was nice to know that you trusted him enough to be around him in this state.

He sighs knowing he’s lost the fight. He won’t lay in bed with you, he’ll just sleep in his home office chair. Before he sits down, he turns you onto your side, and brings the trash can close to the edge of the bed incase you wake up in the middle of the night feeling sick.

“You gonna go to sleep now?” He asks, getting comfortable in the chair.

Your eyes roll as you fight off sleep, but eventually you stop trying to open your eyes. You nod once they finally close, and Levi watches you to make sure you’re asleep for good.

Levi didn’t go to sleep until almost four in the morning because you kept moving onto your back, and every time you did he had to put you back on your side again. You wiggled into a position where you laid flat on your stomach, and Levi decided that he preferred for you to vomit on the bed than to choke on your vomit in your sleep.

You both slept peacefully until seven in the morning, when the alcohol had finally begun to irritate the lining of you stomach. Your cheeks felt hot, and you felt uncomfortable in every position you laid in. You looked over at Levi who had fallen asleep with his cheek resting in his palm. The squish was adorable, but you couldn’t enjoy it due to the discomfort in your guts.

Your stomach gurgled and you decided to make a run for it, almost tripping over the bottom of your dress as you sprinted to the bathroom.

Levi’s eyes snapped open, and he sharply inhaled as he woke up from his light slumber. His head turned rapidly in search of you, and he quickly discovered where you were due to the sound of the bathroom door slamming shut.

“Shit,” he muttered in a gravelly voice. He quickly stands up and traces your steps to meet you behind the bathroom door. He leans against the door, hearing all the upchuck, gagging, and coughing coming from you on the other side. This goes on for a good four minutes. He hears the way you groan after you think you’re done, only for you to gag before spilling your guts into the toilet again.

You spit into the toilet one last time before flushing, whining when you nearly collapse as you attempt to get off the floor. You blow your nose, throwing the evidence away, and immediately go for some water from the sink. You rinse your mouth a few times before actually swallowing some water.

“Are you okay?” Levi asks, his knuckles lightly knocking.

You open the door, startling him a little with your appearance. The beautiful makeup that you stunted the night before was now an enormous mess on your eyelids, waterline, and cheeks. The residue of mascara on your eyelashes left fan shaped marks on the upper part of your cheeks.

“I’m disgusting. D-Don’t ever let me drink like that again,” your eyes gloss over with newly formed tears that eventually slide down your cheeks.

“You’re fine, sweetheart.” Despite the mess of makeup all over your face, and the wet spot of vomit on the front of your dress, Levi still manages to pull you into his embrace. You sob openly, mainly due to the embarrassment of Levi hearing you throw up in his bathroom, and the fact that you smell horrendous, yet Levi still holds you like it doesn’t matter.

“We’re gonna get you cleaned up. You’re gonna shower, and then we’re gonna get that messy makeup off your face.”

You pull away and look up at him, resembling a raccoon with all the dark makeup around your eyes.

“I don’t have clothes to change into,” you nearly start crying again, but Levi prevents it.

“I have clothes you can wear. Wait here.” He leaves you for a few seconds to bring essentials for you. A clean towel, a shirt, and some sweatpants. He also brought you a new bar of soap, assuming you might not want to use the one he’s been using.

“Shower, change, then call me when you’re done. I’ll be in the kitchen making your hangover cure.” He sets everything down on the counter, and leaves you to it.

The warm water feels nice cascading over you despite your body already being uncomfortably warm. You refused to take a cold shower, even if it was probably better for you. The smell of the soap was comforting and it didn’t make you nauseous as you lathered it onto your body. You used it generously—the thought of having puke on your dress earlier was even more repulsing now. You examined the bottle of shampoo sitting on the shower caddy and reached for it to wash your hair. You hope your hair turns out as soft as Levi’s on the first use.

You finished up in the bathroom and called Levi as told. He was quick to follow your voice. You stood at the entrance of the door, holding the door in one hand, the other holding onto the doorframe. You looked adorable in his clothes, even with the heavy traces of makeup under your eyes.

“Let me help you take the makeup off. Sit on the counter.” He opens the bottom cabinets, crouching down to get some wipes. “I know they’re not as good as the ones you probably have, but they’ll do the job.” He stands up again, closing the cabinets. You’re already sitting on the counter.

“I’m sorry…” you say almost inaudibly. You don’t want to cry again, but damn, you feel pathetic.

He’s listening, so he doesn’t say anything. He pulls a wipe from the pack, wrapping it around his index finger to be able to clean with more precision.

“You did nothing wrong. It’s fine. Now stay still.” He gets closer, the wet towel inching towards your face until the coldness touches you. He wipes gently to make sure your skin doesn’t get irritated.

“I’m never drinking again. I’m never leaving my house again,” you babble.

“You still have to go to work. Again, stop moving.” He folds the towel, covering the dark makeup residing on it. The darkness around your left eye had been completely removed.

The coldness touches your face again, this time beneath your right eye.

“I don’t deserve your friendship, Levi. I don’t know how I can still face you after what happened last night. Why are you even my friend?” Your head slumps as your pessimistic mind takes over.

He raises your head and holds the bottom of your face, your cheeks squished between his thumb and the rest of his fingers in a semi firm grip. He wipes at the splotchiness around your left eye, total concentration taking over because he’s trying to avoid your eyeball.

“I told you to stop moving, but you wouldn’t listen so this is what it had to come to.” His focus remains on your right eye as he speaks, collecting all the color onto the clean part of the wipe. “I want you to know that I invited you out because I wanted to. I knew there was a chance something like this would happen, but I still wanted you to be here.” He moves back a little to see if you had any stains from the makeup.

“You throwing up in my bathroom doesn’t change the meaningful conversations we had yesterday.” He releases the hold be has on your face and throws the wipe away once he’s all done. “I would go through all of this again if it meant you would keep hanging out with me.” His hands lay on the counter beside your legs.

“All done. You’re back,” he says looking into your tired eyes. You look back into his eyes, and they look just as tired, maybe even more. He looks handsome even with his disheveled appearance. His soft hair sticks out at random parts of his head, resembling the sun.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you mumble, looking away.

“Like what?” His tone is soft, and it runs smoothly. He leans in a little, just enough to see the blush rising on your cheeks closely.

“Like that, so attentively with those eyes. You’re making me nervous.” You feel trapped by him. His hands have yet to move from their position beside you legs, and you feel the urge to move. You don’t want to accidentally brush your leg against his hand, it would make the situation awkward.

“It’s not my fault you can’t hold eye contact with me.” There’s a small grin on his lips. “Now, come on. Your hangover medicine is sitting on the table.” He backs up, allowing you to hop off the counter.

You follow him into the kitchen where you see the two unwashed glasses that held wine the night prior, in the sink.

“What a way to start off the morning, huh?” You joke, attempting to make small talk after what happened in the bathroom.

“I’ve seen worse.” He pours some tea into a mug and hands it off to you. “This stuff is way better than that premium crap at the shop.” He pours some for himself in another mug.

“But I don’t like tea. Do you have any coffee?” You take a whiff of the hot liquid in your cup. It smells good, and you decide you can’t knock it ‘til you try it.

“The tea is gonna help your headache, whether you like it or not. And no, I don’t have coffee.”

You take a sip, and scorch your tongue in the process. Your eyes water for a second, but now that you know how hot it is, you can take another sip knowing what to expect.

“It’s actually really good. Thank you, Levi.”

—

Levi took you home a few hours later when you felt better. You said you had things to do at your house, but in reality you just wanted to sleep in your own bed again. You wanted to feel comfortable with knocking things over, knowing they were yours.

Levi checked in every hour, and reminded you that if you needed anything he would get it for you. At some point in the afternoon, you knocked out and didn’t wake up until twelve in the morning. You checked the few messages that Levi left when you told him you were gonna take a nap, and then went right back to sleep.

—

You couldn’t stop thinking about your time with Levi as you made your way through the main entrance of your work building, carrying some folders in one hand, and a cup of coffee in the other. It’s seven in the morning. You need some form of caffeine pumping in your veins if you’re going to function even remotely.

You step into the elevator, back against the wall as you wait for the doors to close.

“Good morning,” a familiar voice says, breaking the silence you reserved. The doors shut a few seconds after he enters the elevator.

“Oh, good morning, Levi,” sleep treads lightly on your voice. You restrain from taking another sip of coffee on the elevator to avoid him smelling your coffee breath.

“Don’t tell me you just woke up.” The elevator dings as you reach your floor.

“Would that disappoint you?” You ask, a playful smile on your face.

“Very much.” He lets you step off first, following behind you.

“Well, that’s too bad. Not everyone can wake up at three in the morning every day like you.” You chuckle, waving as you head into your office.

He peeks his head into your office just to take the final word from you.

“For the record, it’s two thirty, not three in the morning,” he says in a jokingly matter-of-fact way, before walking to his office next door.

You giggle as you set your stuff down onto your desk. Your joyous energy leaves when you load up the work you have to do on your computer. There are so many reports that need to be filed by the end of the day, and you’re actually scared that you might have to take your break later in order to make a dent in the workload. You sigh, sitting down in your office chair. You realize there’s no point in just sitting there and sulking, so you roll closer to the desk and begin typing and clicking away.

At around twelve you get an email from Erwin, the department manager that says:

Hello _____,

Today I will have to leave work a little earlier than usual, as I am meeting my in-laws for lunch with my wife. They flew a couple thousand miles to meet with me and my wife today and I will not be able to finish the work I have pending for today.

Would you do me the biggest favor and finish whatever I don’t get to by the time I leave? It would mean a lot.

Thank you,

Erwin Smith

You shut your eyes tightly and think about how easy it would be to run out of the building and drive home, but instead of doing so, you reply to Erwin’s email.

Hi Erwin,

Hope all is well with your wife and the in-laws.

No worries, you can leave the remainder of your unfinished work to me and I will get it done. I will have to take a later lunch than usual because I have a lot of work to get done as well, but you can definitely count on me to finish the job.

Best of luck,

_______

You felt like bashing your head on the keyboard, but nonetheless, you continued to work through your weariness.

—

“Hey, by any chance are you taking your lunch anytime soon?” Levi asks, leaning on the doorframe of your office.

“Nope. I have so much work to do, it’s hilarious.” You don’t even take the time to turn and face him.

“You don’t seem to be laughing. Is there anything I can help you with?” He stands behind your chair, looking at all the reports you had to finish by the end of the day. “Hey, aren’t those Erwin’s reports? Why the hell are you doing his work again?” He moves over, standing next to you so he can see the screen more clearly.

“He has this lunch to go to with his wife and her parents. It’s not like I was gonna leave work early today, anyway.” Your typing was flawless, almost robotic. No typos or extra spaces, not a capital letter or punctuation mark out of place. “It’s fine, Levi. Are you going on your break?”

“I was going to, but you’re still working like a maniac. I’ll just wait for you.”

“No, it’s okay. Go take your break. You must be exhausted. I’ll buy you a cup of tea later if you go on your break now.” Your eyes scan the large lettering as you speak like your sentences have been pre-recorded so that you can say them while you work.

“Fine. I’ll take my break in here.” He sits in one of the extra chairs in your room.

“But Levi, I need to focus.”

“I won’t say a word to you. I’m just sitting here.”

You give in and let him stay while you work, and he stays true to his word. Not a word is said during his break, but you can feel him staring at you, and it makes doing your work just a little harder. You make more mistakes in your typing, and you can hear him ‘tch’ every time he hears you tap the backspace key repeatedly.

When his break is up, he puts a hand on your head before he goes back to his office. The endearing gesture made surprise goosebumps rise on your arms.

—

You finished all the work you had to do in record time. Erwin’s work was your top priority so you finished it first, then you finished your work. You didn’t get to take a break, but you did get some overtime in. Hopefully, Erwin is okay with it.

You turn off the computer and grab all your possessions before leaving the office for the day. Levi is waiting for you around the corner.

“All done?” He asks when you shut the door to your office.

“Yeah. I’m tired as fuck.” You chuckle at his wide-eyed expression. “Sorry. I’m really tired is what I meant to say.”

“We’re both adults. You can mean what you say.” He offered to carry your bag as well as your folders, and you let him. “What do you need, right now?” He asks as you walk side by side to the elevator.

“Rest,” you reply instantly.

“Okay, let’s get you home.”

“Let’s?” You question.

“I’ll drive you home, and once you wake up i’ll drive you back here so you can get your car.”

“That’s not necessary. You really don’t have to, Levi,” you insist. You enter the elevator and Levi follows after you.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I really appreciate you. Thank you for your kindness.”

—

He brought you home, and you invited him in because you thought it was the polite thing to do after everything he’s done for you.

“You’re welcome to anything that’s in the cabinets or the fridge, or just take anything you like.”

Levi was in awe at how organized your cabinets were. The truth was that you had organized them the day before, before you went to sleep, because when you laid down to sleep, the guilt of lying to Levi was eating you alive. You told him you had things to do at your house, and yet you were just about ready to knock out on your bed.

“I’m okay, but thank you.” He goes back into the living room with you.

“Come hang out with me in my room?”

He looked like you asked him to steal the Mona Lisa—confused, conflicted, unsure if he would go that far even if you were the one asking.

“Okay,” he finally says a few seconds later.

He follows your lead as you direct yourself towards your room. As soon as you are within reach of your bed, you toss yourself on it, spreading your limbs like a starfish.

“You’re welcome to join me,” your words are muffled by the pillows.

“I don’t think there’s any room there for me,” he mumbles as he searches for a small area to sit, where he won’t interrupt your starfish pose.

“Sorry, let me just…” you reposition yourself. You’re now on your side, curled up. “You can lay there.” You point to space next to you.

Levi lays down on his side, facing you. He doesn’t know if this is overstepping boundaries with you, but it feels nice.

“I’m sorry I don’t have an extra room like you do.”

His eyebrows furrow, displeased with your apology.

“Don’t apologize for something so unimportant.”

“Are you uncomfortable? I can sit on a chair if you want-“

His hand lands on your shoulder, immediately silencing you.

“I’m fine. You don’t have to go anywhere. Let’s just lay here together.”

You blushed furiously at how romantic the words sounded. If you were smarter you wouldn’t have gone for the kiss and your relationship would have kept its romantic and sexual tension, but you couldn’t take it anymore. You, the one who avoided love at all costs, were the first to admit you wanted to love Levi.

His heart raced as if he ran every day of his life, just to meet you here, in this moment. He pulled you onto his lap, your position exactly like the night he invited you over, only this time you were in total control of your actions.

His hand on your hip, his fingers threaded in your hair—it was the proof that let you know he wanted this just as much as you. It may have been wrong to just spring this on him, but if it wasn’t a moment for now, then it would be a moment for later, which sounded like forever in your mind.

You pull away to see the reaction behind all of this. His heart is uncontrollable. He can’t calm it down, and he can barely hear his own thoughts with the way his heart beats in his ears.

“That’s how I feel. How do you feel?” You ask, staring into the storm residing in his grey eyes.

He leans forward to reach your lips, luring you back to him. His hands now hold your waist, occasionally squeezing to ground him when his soul threatens to vanish from being there with you. His lips chase yours endlessly, and you hate remembering that you need to breathe in order to stay alive, because you love the intimacy of kissing. It gives you uncontrollable butterflies that you refuse to tame because you continue to do the thing that sets them free.

This time he releases you, taking in the dazed expression on your face.

“That’s how I feel.”

You both stare at each other like a new world has been introduced, and you’re waiting for each other’s approval to go in together.

“I want you, Levi. Make me yours.” It’s your sugarcoated, romanticized way of saying ‘claim me because I don’t want anyone else to do it’.

“You want me to…” his ears go red. He’s scared to assume you want him sexually, so he waits for you to specify.

“Make love to me?” You say in the form of a question. You cringe internally, but you think it matches the moment better than saying ‘fuck me’.

“M-Make love to you?” He repeats, flustered by the request.

“Please,” you say with false confidence. You can tell he’s nervous, and you know you’re nervous, so you have to show him as much fake confidence as you can muster if you want to progress with him.

“Let’s take it slow. Nobody is leading, and we’re gonna roll with however things go.” You put your hand on his shoulder, an attempt to calm him. “Does that sound okay?”

“Okay,” he agrees.

“O-Okay?” Your veil of confidence collapses after your last statement, and you go back to being putty in Levi’s hold when he pulls you down onto the bed with him. There’s no way he’ll abide to your ‘nobody is leading’ statement. He’s a natural leader, and regardless of how nervous he is, he will take total responsibility for the way he makes you feel.

You still jump a little when his hands meet the warm skin of your cheeks and stay there, but nonetheless, you like it. The touch feels familiar even if he’s never touched you like this before.

He takes his hands off your face and begins unbuttoning his shirt. Little by little, you begin to see pale patches of skin from his chest and stomach. You nearly panic when the whole shirt comes off, and reveals toned parts of his torso. You strongly believe he was sculpted by some artistically driven gods.

You’re wonderstruck, and even if he doesn’t know it, he’s ruined men for you in a way only you can understand.

“I’m not that striking,” he says, a blush rising to his cheeks. You can now see that the color doesn’t start on his cheeks, but on his chest.

“I don’t even know what to say.” You’re smitten, and it was over for you the second his lips merged with yours. You played yourself by starting this, but there’s no way in hell you’ll go back to depriving yourself of him.

“Then don’t say anything.” He goes down to meet your lips again, his body feeling hot when you reach up to touch him. Physical affection is rare for Levi, and nobody has touched him like this in a long time, so deep down he’s really happy you’re the one he’s sharing a bed with. You don’t feel obligated to shed layers of clothing for him. He’s content with just having you, and though he would never admit it, knowing you had no words to describe the sight of him without a shirt was a major boost to his self confidence.

You reach down to untuck your shirt from your pants and begin unbuttoning it. Levi only noticed this because your hands weren’t running all over his body anymore, and he wanted you to keep touching him.

He almost chokes on his spit once your shirt is open, the loose halves laying next to each corresponding side of you. You picked the perfect day to match your lingerie. You donned a lacy black bra with panties that Levi had yet to see.

“You’re beautiful,” he says, scanning every inch of you that is now revealed.

“You think so?” Your cheeks glow like you’re surrounded by Christmas lights.

“I do,” the last words he says before he snatches your lips up again. Strands of his hair brush your face, tickling your nose and cheeks. You don’t think there should be a time limit for how long a make out session goes on for. It gives you an otherworldly feeling when Levi’s lips lock with yours. To say it’s electrifying would be a dulled down version of what you really feel.

The pace picks up suddenly, and your heart drops to your stomach. His hands hold your waist firmly, and your lips struggle to keep up with his. You don’t think you’re imagining the panting sounds coming from him as he kisses you with a fervor that can’t be pacified.

“Mmm…fuck,” he almost growls. “How are you able to make me feel this way?” He looks drunk on your affection.

You had an effect on him. The sweet, composed, professional Levi you knew as your best friend, was now bound to you.

He presses his nose to the column of your throat where he leaves so many kisses. His mouth ghosts over your chest, an occasional brush of his lips to your skin as he lowers down to your stomach. It’s such an intimate gesture filled with sincerity that does nothing but intensify the thrashing in your chest.

His hands wander, bringing goosebumps wherever they move. You see the way he looks at you—like he would devour you if this weren’t the first time he was bedding you. His eyes are so cold you think your gaze is frozen to his.

“Should I keep going?” His indirect way of asking for your consent again, even if you were the one who asked for this. You take the hint when you feel him tugging lightly at your pants. You respond by unbuttoning your trousers, shimmying them down your hips. He helps you get them completely off when they reach your thighs.

The black on black bra and panties combination… Something flipped in his head because for a few seconds his eyes just flicked up and down between the two areas. To capture this untainted sight of you for a few more seconds was all he wanted, because he knew that you wouldn’t look like this again for the rest of the night.

His hands roam around your body—running over your waist, then trailing down to your hips, which leads to them slithering down your thighs.

“Is that…” he points at the gusset of your panties, a darker spot contrasting the rest of the garment. It’s only noticeable because he’s so close. “Is that what I think it is?”

“U-Um…” you divert your attention from him. Your cheeks feel hot again.

“You’re so excited, yet we haven’t even done that much.” His hands splay on your thighs, spreading your legs as wide as you can comfortably have them. “Now I know what kissing does to you,” he says as he proceeds to kiss your inner thighs.

You inhale sharply, your stomach quivering a little.

“May I?” His hand nears your clothed cunt, centimeters away from the wet spot.

“Okay,” you simply say. Any more words and you’ll stutter up a storm.

Your heart might leap out of your chest with that gaze of his. His pupils are enormous, the lust almost blocking all the color in his eyes.

“I hope you don’t mind if I take it slow. I want to make you come once through your panties, and another time without them.”

Come? Panties? Another time without panties? It’s so strange hearing these words from someone who’s been just a friend for years. It’s strange hearing the words from Levi in general.

“O-Okay,” you stutter this time.

“Good.” His fingers finally make contact with the fabric of your panties, a circular motion stimulating your cunt. He can feel the wetness of your slick on his fingertips, the amount increasing with each pressurized rub.

Your arm comes up to cover your eyes, embarrassment flooding through you as Levi spectates you.

“Let me see your pretty face, please.” His voice is so commanding, you don’t think you can deny him of the things he asks of you.

Your forearm shakily raises off of your face, dropping down onto the mattress. He can now see the effectiveness of his fingers, on your expression. Your mouth is slightly open, your eyes begging for more from him. The whole thing makes the hardness in his pants twitch.

“Is this what you wanted?” He teases, knowing your words won’t beat the moans leaving your mouth.

“Mhm,” you whimper. “Please…please.”

“Didn’t think I would have you begging so fast.” He leans forward a little to whisper the second part in your ear. “That’s good, sweetheart. Keep doing it.”

You nearly lost it when he kissed the area below your ear right after.

“Levi… Levi, more please.” You can’t stand that look on his face as he continues to torture you. His teeth occasionally sink into his bottom lip. There’s so much lust behind the expression, that you’re actually nervous for what will happen to you after he makes you come the first time.

Your moans become more frequent, and you can feel that familiar heat in your core. You don’t remember ever touching yourself in a manner that made you feel this way, and he isn’t even touching your bare cunt.

“Oh, already?” He goes down your body, stopping at the elastic band of your panties and scattering kisses on the skin above it.

“Fucking—oh god—Levi,” you say, breathlessly. Your hands go to the back of his head and you tug his hair with unmeasured strength. He can handle the discomfort for as long as you provide it, and he won’t complain about something that makes his cock twitch. Your thighs shut around his hand, and you grind your cunt against it. It’s humiliating when he raises his gaze to watch you as you take control of your pleasure. At this point, you’re doing most of the movement, rolling your hips against the cupped form of his fingers.

“There you go,” he murmurs. He loves watching the way your chest heaves and hearing the cries of his name. The racing of your heartbeat is indomitable, you swear Levi can hear it over your breathing.

After a few minutes of catching your breath, you look down at Levi who’s mesmerized by the dazed look you give him.

“That was taking it slow?”

“Mhm. I didn’t know you were so sensitive.” His hand brushes your thigh in a comforting manner. It triggers goosebumps in the area which brings a sly grin to his face.

“Excuse me? Your pants have a little something on them. Now let’s talk sensitivity.” You raise your arms, stretching your taut muscles, a strained groan leaving you as your muscles were freed of their tension.

You didn’t catch the way his eyes sparkled when you bit back, but in that moment, he knew you could handle his snarky remarks at all times and put him in his place when necessary. That was definitely a turn on.

“Please tell me you’re ready to go again.”

You laugh through your nose.

“You want me?” You tease. A gear rotated in your head, and you suddenly remembered something from the night he cooked for you.

“Yes. So badly,” he says.

There’s a wicked grin on your face. You sit up, leveling yourself on the bed with him.

“How about you show me that patience of yours I was promised.”

His head visibly tilted in confusion. It was the cutest thing you had ever seen him do.

“Let’s switch positions. Lay here where I am, and i’ll take your spot.”

“Okay,” he says, seemingly understanding so far what you said. He crawls over to where you sat and lays down, and you sit in the spot he previously sat in.

“Care to explain what’s about to happen?” His head rests on his folded arms.

The act is so sudden, so quick that his arms fly out from underneath his head to hold onto your hips. You straddle his hips, your legs on either side.

“Uh… u-um… what are you doing?” He swallowed thickly, trying not to let the brush of your cunt against his crotch unravel him.

“I think you deserve be taken care of, too, Levi.” You unclip your bra, sliding the straps off your arms before throwing it to a corner in your room. Your breasts are definitely a sight for him, a sight he isn’t sure he can look at without your permission, so he holds eye contact with you.

You lean forward, covering his chest with kisses. You can see the way the area turns red upon contact with your lips, like your touch sets him on fire. Your lips maneuver around his upper body, trailing up from his chest to his neck and the curvature of his jawline. He almost freezes when he feels your breasts against his chest. You cup his cheeks, looking into his enamored eyes before kissing his lips.

“Do you think you can handle what i’m about to do?” You press your forehead to his, looking into those fascinating eyes of his.

“I think so.” His hands ride up and down your sides, nearly touching the sides of your breasts.

“Good boy.”

His brain felt fuzzy when you said the words. It’s something he’s never experienced before when hearing them. You seemed to have reinvented the meaning behind the words when you used them in this scenario.

There you went again, going down his body, kissing everywhere you could. You discovered areas where he was sensitive, such as his ribs and the area beneath his navel. He gasped or shuddered every time you licked or sucked the skin in those areas.

“May I?” You ask, hooking a finger around one of his belt loops.

“Do whatever you want to me.” His hands go down to assist you in unbuttoning his pants, lifting his hips just enough to lower them until you could pull them off. He sported some dark blue boxer briefs, his erect cock forming a very noticeable tent. You now saw the large spot of pre-cum that had ruined his pants, on the blue garment.

Your hand wraps around the silhouette of his cock, the wet fabric wrinkling as your hand moves up and down. You see the vein in his neck pop out and the way his stomach tenses. You don’t need vocal proof of the way he feels because you can see it, but he still gives it to you anyway, and it just brings that much more excitement to you.

His breath is shaky as you rub his tip with your thumb, the fabric of his undergarment absorbing every drop of his pre-cum.

“You’re really pretty, Levi. I know that probably doesn’t say much for you, but i’m looking at you right now, and…” you sigh, completely astonished by him. To see someone like Levi with his walls completely torn down was beautiful. He’s tough. Not with you, obviously, but things don’t get to him so easily. To think that you were able to get him in a vulnerable position like this… He must really like you.

“You know, I really like you,” your hand speeds up a little. “I’m gonna be honest with you…I lived an enormous lie for what felt like an eternity. I tried to see you as a friend for so long. So long. But, sir, you made it impossible, because you never treated me like a friend.”

He shudders, his cock twitching beneath your grasp. You lean down to kiss his clothed tip. His mouth gapes slightly, his eyebrows creasing the slightest bit when it slowly disappears into your mouth.

“F-Fuck. You’re kidding,” he mutters under his breath. Your eyes look wild. It seems like you’ll have to hold onto his soul for a few minutes, because he’s floating.

The shape of his tip is completely outlined now, your saliva darkening the fabric of his briefs. Even the slightest brush of your fingers against his length has him shaking.

“Give it to me, baby. You’ve got it,” you say, encouraging him to let loose. Your hand speeds up a little more, and before you know it, Levi lets out a whimper and some grunts as he leaves yet another damp spot on his briefs.

“F-Fuck—a-ah—oh my…” he sits up halfway before you push him back down. His eyes shut tightly and you can see the protruding shape of his ribs with every breath of his as you continue to jerk him into overstimulation.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” you murmur, your hand stopping when you see him writhing.

You giggle, watching as he catches his breath.

“Was that okay? I know it would have been better if I had actually touched…it. I just wanted to do something similar to what you did.”

“Don’t worry,” he sighs heavily. “It was perfect.”

You blush, watching as he fulfills his task of fully sitting up. You can clearly see the layer of sweat on his skin now. It gives him an ethereal-like glow.

“Are we gonna actually, you know… today?” You ask when he doesn’t say anything. He just looked into your eyes for a few seconds.

“I’ll do anything you want me to do. Do you want to?”

It feels wrong to want more, but you do want more of him. You want to feel him close to you. Right up against you, meshing into your skin, or just pressed against you as close as possible.

“I want you so fucking badly,” you chuckle. It’s almost pathetic how much you want him.

He tucks a damp strand of hair behind your ear, softening the intensity of your gaze on him.

“You can have me, just sit on my lap.” His eyes look down at your breasts, watching the way they move when you breathe. You smile, holding in a laugh when he looks back at you with a flustered expression. “You can hold them if you want,” you position yourself between his legs, your back to his chest. “None of this…” you grab ahold of his hands and drag them down your body. “…is off limits. Touch as you please.”

He hums, content with having you so near. You release his hands, allowing them to roam freely. The first thing he does is roll the elastic band of your panties down. You lift yourself a little, allowing him to roll the garment below your thighs. You kick them off your legs, and wait for Levi to finish getting his briefs off. You turn around, immediately looking down. A quiet gasp escapes you before you quickly face straight ahead again. He’s big.

“Say the word, and we can get started,” He mumbles into your shoulder. One of his hands reaches for your breast, the other slides down to your cunt. He toys with your clit, rubbing it just the slightest bit with his middle finger. He lures a breathy moan out of you, your decision being made quickly after.

“O-Okay, okay,” you breathe.

“Ready now?” His voice goes deeper, making goosebumps rise on your skin.

“Mhm,” you hum, rising up just the slightest to settle onto his lap.

“Easy,” he murmurs, wrapping an arm around your waist. “W-Wait. Not so fast,” he groans, as his tip nudges through your folds, the cockhead sliding into your messy hole while you sink down as slowly as you can.

Your moans are synchronized once he’s in all the way. You can feel his warmth inside you, twitching, even with your idleness. He lays his forehead on your upper back, soft wisps of his hair tickling your skin. Soft, warm breaths make their way onto the tippy top of your spine.

“F-Fuck,” you mutter under your breath. You lean back against him, your head on his shoulder. Your eyes shut tightly, your mouth gaped open once he starts moving beneath you.

“W-We’re friends, right?” You have an obvious amount of difficulty keeping your voice steady. Gasps, and random pauses litter your sentences every time Levi pushes in and out of you. His hands were cupped around your breasts, your nipples wedged between his index and middle fingers. Your heart dropped every time you remembered that he bought you coffee as a friend two days ago, and now he’s taking charge of you in your own bed.

“Sure. What’s on y-your—hah—your m-mind?” His lips attach to your shoulder, sucking an intense mark onto the clear patch of skin, like he’s trying to draw blood. You wince, your back arching a little.

“This is the only way you’ll picture me after today, isn’t it?” Your eyes roll as his lips brush over your shoulders and nape for areas to leave more marks on. You hear the quick breaths that leave his nose and the sound of his lips slipping against your bruised skin. It’s a good way of not answering the question that’s eating away at you.

“Would that be okay with you?” He finally whispers into your ear, a slight rasp in his voice.

“Oh, fucking hell, Levi,” your hands find his thighs, your nails sinking into the pale skin, leaving red lines as you draw your fingers in close like you’re fisting sheets. “I—mm…You— Fuck!” You cry out impatiently, unable to form a proper thought, completely flustered due to how fucking attractive that simple gesture was.

A deep chuckle rumbles from his chest. It’s like he’s taunting you.

“I’ve pictured you in so many different ways. This is definitely one of them, but not the only one,” he clarifies. A sweet kiss is pressed into the side of your neck. “You don’t have to worry about that ever. Understand?”

“Mhm…” you hum, lost in the way his cock prods so deeply inside you.

“Use your words, sweetheart. I don’t know what that response means,” he teases. One of his hands releases your breast, dropping down to play with your clit. You nearly fold in pleasure, leaning forward the smallest amount before Levi’s arm drapes over your chest, pinning your back to his chest. “I need you here with me. Now give me your words,” his finger rubs the tiny bud lightly, just enough to make you writhe in his lap from the pleasure.

“I—fuck—I understand, Levi. I understand,” you cry out, your eyes tearing up due to the way he holds you so close the edge. It’s not enough pressure, and he knows it, but he likes the tone in your voice, and he wants to hear it for just a tad bit longer.

“Do you now?” He hums, followed by a breathy ‘ah’.

“I do,” tears nearly flow out of your eyes. “Please, Levi. Need more of you,” you plead.

His pace doesn’t speed up, but his thrusts are stronger now. Your pussy flutters around him, the intensity of your arousal almost completely unbearable. His finger brushes your clit in a tedious manner. It has you trembling on top of him.

“Oh, fuck,” he groans. The clenching of your pussy has his cock in such a tight hold—so snug inside your velvety walls. You breathe heavily, unable to stay still on his lap anymore. You’re now chasing his thrusts, meeting them halfway to strengthen the pleasure derived from Levi.

“Fuck! Please, please, please! Please, Levi!” You gasp, heaving every time you inhale. The knot inside you is on the brink of snapping in one of the most concentrated ways you’ve ever felt. Levi was close, too. His cock pulsated with every one of his thrusts, and every time your pussy clenched, it just inched him closer to his end.

He succumbed to your cries of his name, your trembling form now shaking in rhythm with his powerful thrusts.

Choked sounds, breathy mutterings of each others names, whimpers, and cries of passion filled the room.

“Levi! Oh god, oh fuck!” The final words leave you before an overwhelming tidal wave of pleasure consumes your whole self. You’ve never felt pleasure from suffocation, but Levi was almost inhaling you from how close he was, and you didn’t want him to back off. His arms held your writhing, trembling frame tightly against him, while he whispered things into your ear.

His hips continued to roll just a little slower, just enough to bring him right to the edge. Drool coated your lips, threatening to slide down your chin. You could feel almost every part of him on you—his arms, his legs, his chest, his abs, his lips. Being trapped by him was endearing.

“Fuck… keep doing that. D-Do that again, please,” he moans, breathing against the shell of your ear. You clenched around him again, and audibly heard him go weak. His shuddered breaths and strangled groans were the sexiest things you had ever heard. He painted your walls white, the feeling so immense that he clawed at your chest, leaving red streaks on the clean area of your chest. He whimpered out so many sorry’s, not stopping the roll of his hips until the overstimulation was too much.

You stayed in that position for a while once he came down from his high. He held you tightly, his head laying on your back. His warm cheek rested on your spine as he looked at the closed door of your bedroom. The long silence was broken by the sound of you sighing.

“We’re friends, right?” You ask the same question from earlier. Maybe his answer will be different now that he’s not as distracted.

He did take a little longer to answer than before. “We’re not like them,” he finally mumbles against your skin.

“Like who?” You question.

“Like those stupid people that do the whole friends with benefits bit. Tell me we aren’t them.” His postures straightens, and he pulls you close again, not holding you too tight, just allowing you to lay on his chest.

“We’re not them. This was… a one time thing. Right?”

“I don’t like that.” He moves the hair away from your face and plants a kiss on your forehead.

Your eyes flutter shut, and a lazy grin appears on your lips.

“Let’s talk about this some other time. For now, we’re friends.” You break free of his hold and get off of him. You search for your clothes scattered across your room.

“I should probably get going. I really need to shower.” He picks his clothes off of the edge of the bed, putting everything back on.

“If only I had clothes you could wear. I would’ve loved to have you over for the night,” you say, feeling guilty once again for not being as hospitable as Levi. “I’m sor—”

“Don’t do that. Don’t apologize for dumb things like clothes, or the amount of rooms in your house.” He sits on the edge of the bed, slipping back into his trousers. “There’s always next time.”

‘This is a one time thing.’ Yeah, right.

“Well…” he exhales, running a hand through his damp, disheveled hair. “I’m gonna go. Thanks for…”

You suck in your lips, suppressing laughter at his inability to say what you both just did.

“Thanks for having me,” he finally manages to utter.

You simply nod in acknowledgment, a smile gracing your features.

“Get home safe, Levi.”

“I’ll call you.”

And call you he did. The phone call could’ve been shorter. A simple ‘I’m home. I’ll see you at work,’ would have sufficed, but it’s like he needed to have some sort of connection to you. He spent a good portion of the phone call asking about how you were feeling physically. He didn’t go any deeper than that, not wanting to put any pressure on whatever you and him were.

He did something spontaneous and didn’t know how to react as soon as it happened, so he hung up immediately. He said ‘Goodnight. Love you,’ the last two words so quiet that you didn’t even hear them through the thin layer of static on the line. And that’s why you were so confused when the dial tone sounded in your ear. You thought the call ended due to bad reception, and expected him to call back, but he didn’t.

—

The next day was no different from any other day. Levi greeted you on the elevator, and acted as he usually did. There was nothing strange in your relationship according to the way he acted, or the way he talked to you. It was like the day before never happened.

“See you at lunchtime?” He says, stopping at the entrance to your office.

“Sure,” you say, unpacking your things. “I’ll have time for you today.”

“Good. See you then.” He turns and leaves your sight, heading into his own office.

You power through your work, making as much time as you can for Levi. He never left your mind as you read all those emails mindlessly. You were a zombie, the feeling of his hands roaming your body was engraved into your memory. It made you zone out a lot, the memory rolling in your mind so vividly because it was literally yesterday.

Your heart begins to race, at the sound of him calling your name. So desperate and needy, so unlike the Levi you knew before.

“Hello? Are you there?” Levi says, tapping your shoulder. “Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Huh? Oh, Levi. What are you doing here?” You check the time on the corner of your computer screen. “Shit, it’s already two thirty.”

“Right. Lunchtime,” he says, focused on your blank expression.

“Okay, yeah. What do you want to do?”

Not much besides kiss you, hold you, and more.

“Are you hungry?” He sits in the chair behind you, folding his hands on the table.

“Not really. Are you?” You rotate your chair to face him. Those eyes are intimidating every time you look at them, now. His gaze feels more intimate.

“Not at all.”

“Any other suggestions?”

He swallows every ounce of fear he feels, and prepares himself mentally for how this conversation could end. He could lose you or he could gain more than just your friendship. He can’t gauge which direction he’s leaning towards because you’re both actively ignoring the things that occurred. The things that friends don’t do.

“Let’s talk.”

Your heart sinks to your stomach, your nerves on edge. You wanted this conversation to happen, and now that it’s happening, you want nothing more than to be swallowed by a black hole.

“Okay,” you respond, your hands awkwardly splaying on your thighs.

“Did we overstep any boundaries yesterday?”

You look to your left, the door wide open for your coworkers to see and hear your private conversation. You give Levi one more chance. Maybe he won’t go into detail.

“I didn’t think we would actually act on the sexual tension—”

“Okay, hold on.” You stand up and head towards the door, pushing it shut, and shutting the blinds. “We don’t need any more workplace drama. This is between just you and me,” you say, sighing as you sit down again.

“We’re friends is what you’ve been telling me, and i’m completely fine with that.” The truth hides behind those flimsy words. He would rather destroy his favorite teacup and throw away his entire cabinet of expensive tea than fully accept that you’ll never be more than a friend. “But how will we prevent this from happening again?”

“Easy,” you reply. “It won’t happen again. We hang out at work, and only hang out outside of work when there are others around.”

“That’s an immature way to fix our situation.” He wants all the time with you. No division with others. “We can control ourselves. We don’t need people around to prove that. That’s just…absurd.”

“It’s the best solution. We won’t be tempted to do anything we shouldn’t do. There won’t be any tension. It’ll all work out fine.” You look down at his hands, his knuckles are nearly white.

He chuckles. “God, there is so much tension between us. You can cut it with a fucking knife.”

“I don’t feel it,” you say, averting your gaze immediately.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He grabs onto the seat of your chair, rolling you closer to him. He decides you’re close enough when your knees are brushing his, a nudge with enough force would send his knee between your thighs and vice-versa.

“What are you doing, Levi?” You question, a perplexed look on your face.

“I’m only asking you to do one thing and it’s really simple.”

He leans in, little by little, not close enough to kiss you, but enough to make your heart race when he doesn’t stop until you can see his slate colored eyes up close.

“Keep your eyes on me.”

You do as told, and look straight into his eyes. The intensity makes your head spin. You feel so vulnerable and submissive. You look away for a second, and he clicks his tongue.

“Don’t look away from me,” he instructs. His eyes don’t waver at all. They keep their intensity, and look at you dead on. You’re pretty sure he can hear your heartbeat.

After a minute of silence and staring into his eyes, you made a decision. You didn’t think at all about what you were fighting for and went with what your heart longed for. You cupped his cheeks and crashed your lips onto his. They were as amazing as you remembered, even so, imperfect. It felt right, holding him like that. Your breathing was synchronized, the heavy pants coming from both of you bringing some color to your face.

You pull away looking into his eyes again. There was a major difference. His pupils were huge, and there was a tenderness to his expression. He’s so weak for you.

“Fuck,” he curses. He swipes his bottom lip a few times with his index finger.

“What was the point of that?” Your voice is filled with disappointment.

“It was a test. You failed horrendously.”

“You did that on purpose, Levi. You’re being unfair.” Your eyebrows crease with frustration. “You knew you would get me like that.”

“I thought you were more self-disciplined,” he teases.

“You kissed me back. You should have had the willpower to push me away,” your arms cross in annoyance.

“I didn’t want to.”

You sigh, trying so hard to be mad, but in all your faux anger, you crack a smile that eventually evolves into a giggle.

“We’re so bad at this.” You think quickly, trying to figure out what to say after. “I think the only way to fix something like this is for us to stay apart for a while,” is the only thing that came to mind. You really didn’t think before you spoke, and you didn’t mean it.

His entire demeanor changed. This was the worst idea you had ever come up with, and all he could do was hope you would take it back.

“What do you mean?” He asks, secretly buying time for you to change your mind.

“We can’t be friends right now. It’s not working out like it should.”

“No. We don’t need that. All that would do is make an awkward gap in our friendship. We’re fine, we can handle this like adults.”

You stand up in your chair. “Adults who are old enough to passionately fuck, and kiss, and look at each other with longing stares. Adults can handle things recklessly, too, you know.”

“Where are you going?” He watches you grab your coat, in search of your car keys. You find them, the jingling making them easier to locate when you patted your coat pocket.

“Out,” you respond, pushing your chair under your desk.

“Okay. I’ll be in my office.” He pushes his chair in, following you out the door. You can feel the shift in his mood based on the way he avoids looking at you.

You shut your eyes tightly for a second, silently cursing yourself for having a heart. You pull on the back of his collar, bringing him to a halt. He turns around to face you.

“Fucking hell, let’s go on a date, Levi.”

“What are you saying?” He says, looking around the office to see if anyone heard your announcement. “You’re giving me whiplash with your indecisiveness.”

“It’s now or never.” The ultimatum is weightless— it means nothing because you will forever hold a spot in your heart for Levi.

“Okay.” It was the simplest way to accept your proposal. If you had more time, he would’ve stuttered for you, but you were both on your lunch break.

You both walk to the elevator, hands next to each other, trying not to link. It was like a staticky zap every time you accidentally brushed fingers. Your hands quickly moved away from each other every time it happened. Once the doors shut, Levi pinned you to the back wall of the elevator, and kissed you with so much ardor that you could feel the heat radiating off of his cheeks. You went through that first date with him, nervous throughout the entire thing, but nothing made electricity course through you like that thirty second elevator ride.

413 notes · View notes

mrkis · 3 years ago

Text

you'll never find anyone like me — one [teaser]

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: lee donghyuck x reader 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄: college au, smut, angst, fluff 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: you'll never find anyone like lee donghyuck, and that's what makes him so exciting.

𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 1k 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄: tba

“Seems like you’ve got a little admirer”

Aerum’s words make your brows pull together in confusion and she stares at you over the rim of her glass, nodding in the direction of your so-called ‘little admirer’ and you’re quick to whip your head around, not making your movements subtle to which she snorts at.

Lee Donghyuck manspreads on the sofa a few feet away from you, long dark hair hanging over his eyes, a joint resting between his lips which he inhales deeply, holding the smoke in his lungs for what seems to be forever until he blows out, passing the joint over to someone else all while staring directly at you.

You feel hot under his gaze, the dress you’re wearing now seeming a little too tight and revealing that you subconsciously wrap your arms around yourself to cover up, not missing the way Donghyuck’s lips curl into a smirk before wrapping around the head of a bottle, chugging down the beer.

You clear your throat, remembering who’s beside you. “That’s Donghyuck”

“I know”

Your head snaps towards Aerum in surprise, your eyes wide and mouth open in shock, almost choking on your words. “You know?”

Aerum hums with a nod, carelessly putting down her empty glass on the windowsill. She smacks her lips together, leaning back against the wall with her hands shoved into her low cut jeans so coolly it makes you jealous. “Everyone knows Donghyuck. He’s best friends with Jeno and them lot”

“Jeno…” You repeat, pointing over to the entrance. “The one that greeted us earlier?”

“It’s his house” Aerum pauses, the corner of her lips lifting upwards. “Their house. They all live together. All five of them, the sixth one recently moved out to live with his girlfriend”

“Oh” You blink, brows furrowing in curiosity. “How do you know all this stuff?”

“They’re well-known” Aerum shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly. “Or popular, some might say. Everyone knows everything about them…

Jeno’s the main guy that throws all the parties. He’s a gym freak, secretly smart and a former fuckboy. Dated Miwoo for a while, she’s the black haired one wearing the little black dress, but they broke up.

Jaemin is one of the quiet and mysterious ones, you’ll hardly ever see him but he does appear every now and again to be around Jeno. They've been best friends for years. He’s a photography student who used to go out with a girl named Eunbin but they broke up. He ended up having a friends with benefits relationship with one of the girls in the group.

Renjun’s also one of the quiet ones, more of an observer. He’s mean when he wants to be, doesn’t take shit from anybody. Hardly likes anyone apart from his friends. He’s an art student and he’s dating that pretty blonde one named Haru that he has his arm around.

Shotaro is the cute one that constantly smiles whatever situation he is in. He’s pretty chilled out, a dance student, a good one at that. He’s practically the baby of the group, everyone has a soft spot for him. He once got into a fight with Hyunjin because Yeji, Hyunjin’s ex-girlfriend, kissed him but Hyunjin ended up looking worse than Shotaro did thanks to Yangyang.

Yangyang is a fuckboy. He practically fucks anyone with a pussy between their legs. Pretty sure he has slept with the majority of the girls in this room. He drinks and smokes weed a lot, sniffs until he can’t physically function too. He once had a crush on one of the other girls in their group but nobody really knows what happened between them. His best friend his Donghyuck, you probably won’t see one without the other, they’re like two peas in a pod… I believe him and Donghyuck are in your music class.

Donghyuck is… interesting. He’s a jokester. Pretty dramatic at times but he can also switch into his serious mode which hardly no-one has ever seen. He parties a lot, definitely can outdrink anybody. Smokes weed too. He’s a little emo which gives him a lot of attention, sleeps around a lot too and with anyone too, he plays both teams. But he stopped for awhile when he got obsessed with Aisha who actually rejected him not so long ago”

“Isn’t, like, obsessed too much of a harsh word?” You frown, not liking the way she explained him. “Maybe he just had a crush on her or something?”

Aerum laughs at that, shaking her head. “No, sweetheart. I mean obsessed. The thing is with Donghyuck, he gets obsessed over people he likes pretty quickly. They’re all he ever thinks about, it’s all he ever wants and he does anything to get it… it would be hot to think about if I wasn’t into women”

You can’t help but ask, “Is Aisha the only one that he’s been obsessed with?”

“I doubt it. I believed that Donghyuck was obsessed with Jeno when they first became friends. It’s not that shocking, to be honest, Jeno is an attractive looking guy” Aerum tells you, pulling her hand out of her pocket to suck on a cherry flavoured vape. She blows the smoke at your face, but you don’t make a comment. “Donghyuck’s obsession with people is crazy and I think Aisha made a lucky escape, although the attention whore herself will probably want it back when she realises he’s got a new obsession”

“A new obsession?” Your brows raise in surprise and you lean in closer as if what she’s telling you is about to be top secret. “Who is his new obsession?”

The smirk that spreads across Aerum’s face makes your body buzz and she takes a quick inhale of her vape before looking over your shoulder. “Well, with the way he’s walking on over here with that look in his eyes, I think you’re the next target” Aerum’s eyes meet yours. “You’re his new obsession, sweetheart”

#fic: you'll never find anyone like me #neo tech college series #!!!!!#SURPRISE #lee haechan #lee donghyuck #haechan smut #donghyuck smut #nct dream au #nct dream fic #nct dream smut #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #nct haechan #nct donghyuck

874 notes · View notes

valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn · 3 years ago

Note

Sylvie is something of a female power fantasy similar to how Tony is a male power fantasy.

Unlike Natasha or Gamora who have also have been through traumatic upbringings that have harden them into badass action ladies Sylvie is "survivor" not someone trained to be weapon against her will. No see she ran away and escaped her captors and got to be a cool fighter and smart person on her own and never had to learn for someone else. Also unlike them she never has to feel guilt for actions because she only did what she had to. Sylvie trauma is used to validate everything she's done.

Compare her also to someone like Captain Marvel or even Wonder Woman from DC. Women who have been granted extraordinary power but use it to help others for altruistic reason. Sylvie's reasons are ultimately selfish but they get be framed as good because the people she fights are bad actually. So even if she doesn't care anyone but herself she still gets be the hero because her selfishness is really good for everyone in the long run.

Sylvie gets to be better than the already popular male character and just by nature of being a she makes her more special than him. Being a woman makes her better but also she's the only one which is just so unique and cool. Also unlike Loki she's inherently good and probably only ever got taken by the TVA because she was too well adjusted and good.

Sylvie never gets beat up or has to face consequences or question her own actions. Oh, but if she does feel bad for her actions the audience should really feel bad for her because she only did a bad thing because she had it so rough and that's why she did the bad thing that's not really bad actually.

🐍anon

Ah that scene with Mobius when she's telling him they hunted her like a dog always baffles me. She's acting all uppity and like she has the moral ground over what Mobius and the TVA have done to her and others, then when Mobius rightfully comes back at her with "by the way,you did some annihilating too" her answer is "I did what I had to do".

What a hypocrite.

I think Carol is a good example (and not only because I love her... well maybe a little). She was taken from Earth, sent to Hala, had her body violated by an injection of Kree blood into her system without her knowledge, she had to carry an implant that suppressed her powers and had Yon-Rogg lie to her for years. She had a right to be mad but she didn't take it on everyone around her, she went straight to the people who had hurt her and gave them hell (and sent that idiot of Yon-Rogg back to Hala. Have I said I love that she doesn't fight him? Because oh I love that scene).

She doesn't meet with the Skrulls and claims she had it harder than them, she doesn't need to position herself above anybody, not even when Fury betrays her and calls Shield she holds it against him... she accepts he made a mistake then fully cooperates with him.

The fact that Sylvie never faces any punishment by the TVA once she's captured is what baffles me the most. While Loki is being kicked and punched and humiliated for the only crime of escaping the TVA, the woman who had spent years killing their precious minutemen is just... chilling in a room? On her own? And when B-15 goes to her she has the guts to act all smug: "oh what's your name, I don't remember, it's a number" (and to make matters worse 2 minutes later she's all "we're the same" 😂😂🤦).

I've seen women badly written in fiction before but damn....

#loki critical #anti sylvie

156 notes · View notes

en-hale-archives · 3 years ago

Text

Me with You ~~

pairing ⑅ bestfriend!Jake x fem!reader

genre ⑅ friends to lovers, fluff, slow dancing, suggestive/smut

words/read time ⑅ 3.9k/12-19 mins

warnings ⑅ 18+ content, light cussing

synopsis ⑅ Jake is back in his hometown to spend time with his closest friend. During some fun and frivolous dancing, things start to heat up...

author's note ⑅ I’m really proud of how this story turned out. I'm not a huge fan of second person, so I wrote in first, but if anyone asks, I can copy and post again in second person. It's more fluff than anything, but it does get a bit steamier towards the end, so I’m just going to go ahead and put a warning.

————✧————

When the back door finally slammed shut and the cacophony of barks faded down the street, I could finally let out my sigh of relief that I had been holding in since this morning. I tapped on my phone. How many days had we been watching Mrs. Chen’s pets? And just how was I able to put up with hours of barking, the smell of fresh turd lying across the lawn, and dog walks till dark? Including their rigorous feeding times and bathroom breaks -- I’m surprised I haven’t exploded yet.

I had so much planned the minute they left my house, but instead, the sudden silence felt all too relaxing and I laid my head against the cold countertop. I could finally stop stressing, stop thinking, and stop worrying about reprimanding for chewing on my shoes or peeing in the house or the continued barking that never ended. I was free. I felt like I could’ve stayed laid on the countertop forever, drowning in the evening sun. Who knew watching five dogs would take such a burden out of a person. Jake and I had taken on the job of dog sitting for Mrs. Chen while she visited some family in Tokyo. We both switched off every other day; some of the dogs at my house and the others at his; until we realized it would be easier if he just spent the few days at my house as we co-doggy sat. He got up bright and early to take them on their walks while I prepared their highly detailed and specific meals. Then from there, we spent the rest of the day making sure they didn’t run off somewhere or cause too much destruction in the house. But alas, Mrs. Chen came back early from her getaway and picked up Toby, Caleb, Khao, Sofia, and Pickle on her way home. Although I was exhausted from watching 3-foot dogs all day, the pay was amazing for me, and it would help tremendously for all the online classes I was going to be taking next semester.

The warmth of the sun cast a comforting trance over my heavy eyelids, and soon enough I was fast asleep, standing in the middle of the kitchen with the soft sound of nothing surrounding me.

By the time I had fluttered my eyes open, I had realized I was now seated in my dining chair and a large black jacket was placed over my shoulders. I sat up and let out a yawn, wincing at the bright light coming from the tv and shaking my now numb arm awake. I must have been sleeping for a while because the evening sun had turned to pitch of black. The moonlight beamed through the window and danced along with the sways of the large oak tree out front. I stood up and walked over to the refrigerator in which I grabbed two water bottles and some leftover pasta.

I was sure that Jake hadn’t eaten since lunch, seeing as he only ate if someone sat food in front of his face. I dragged my feet up the stairs until I heard the slamming of a book and the fast typing of a keyboard come from the living room. I turned and looked behind me. Jake had settled his things on the coffee table and floor, large books, folders, and several amounts of crumpled up pieces of paper found their way around Jake, himself slouched up against the edge of the couch. He had changed clothes since the last time I had seen him, he now wore a plain blue shirt with grey sweats, his eyebrows furrowed as he worked hard on whatever he was getting at.

“Oh yes, I was starving!” Propping himself up on the couch, he took the plate of pasta. I placed the waters on the coffee table and settled comfortably on the couch beside him.

“I can’t say that I’ve ever seen anybody sleep standing up before. Look,” Jake took his phone off the charger. “I got a picture.” He pushed the screen in my face, and of course, there was my unconscious body laying on the counter, mouth open and all. I playfully pushed it back his way as his face lit up with a smile I was all too familiar with.

“What are you doing down here so late, it’s almost 12 in the morning,” I asked. Jake’s smile disappeared when he was reminded of the work he had been doing seconds before.

He let out a large huff of air. “Trying to get some words on paper but instead it turned into a paper massacre,” he jokingly replied, “sorry for the mess.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I replied, taking a swig of water. I was going to ask if he wanted to watch a late-night movie, or pull an all-nighter and talk endlessly until the sun rose, but I could tell by each passing second that Jake was worried about this, and he wanted the time he had now over the summer to work on his music. I wished I was motivated to work on my own music, but unlike Jake, I wasn’t in a globally popular boy band. My complicated best friend for over 10 years had been working his butt off since middle school. It was his annual time to sit back and relax while he had the time to, but instead, he chose to use that time to help watch a bunch of dogs with his hometown bestie. God, I loved him.

Jake pulled himself off the couch and right back onto the floor, leaving the rest of the pasta to me. He picked up his pen again and started scribbling down words as quickly as he could, trying hard not to forget the lyrics that had floated into his head. Until he stopped, closing his eyes for just a split second, and let out a powerful sigh. Crumpling up the sheet, he stacks it on top of the others in frustration and started frantically tapping his pencil against the table.

“Maybe it’s best to just try again in the morning,” I advised, taking a small bite of the pasta that was left by my side.

“How come I’m having such a hard time with this?” He gazed up at me frantically for a clue, as if I had the answer to fix a problem as big and as important as his was. I looked at his doleful eyes and the bags that were starting to grow underneath them. I couldn’t help but think, because I made you sit up and watch a bunch of dogs with me.

“Do you want me to see if I could come up with something?”

“If you want. But, hold on, I think my thoughts are coming back up.” He quickly grabbed another piece of paper, his eyes narrowed in concentration.

I tried my best to keep occupied by watching videos on my phone, but I found myself suddenly bored out of my mind. I laid out on my back and picked up one of Jake’s folders. Briefly looking through it, I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous at the amount of fan art and letters, praising him and the other members. Followed with that were just more and more engene stuff, full of nothing but kind words and heartfelt messages. Part of me wished that I was able to travel with Jake and see the world like he was. How fun would it be to meet people that praised you? And how cool would it be to see that you had fans? I couldn’t help but plaster on a huge smile as I skimmed through some of the notes until I finally came to one with familiar handwriting.

Remember Me were the words written on the top of the paper in bold and bright colors. But the message written underneath is what caught my attention:

To the person that makes me the luckiest guy in the world, this song is for you. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, but please just remember me -- it was Jake’s handwriting.

I didn’t feel like I was breaking any crime reading his stuff until this moment, but curiosity killed the cat, and right now I didn’t mind being a feline. I checked to make sure Jake was still busy, and he was, almost like he had teleported into his own world. I quietly turned back to the sheet and started reading. It was about a girl, presumably his crush I’m sure. She was someone important to him, someone who made him love so much that it hurt. But this was far from a happy song, in fact, it was terribly heartbreaking. She didn’t understand his love, she wasn’t able to interpret it like he wanted her to. But he confesses that he was scared of what telling her would do, worried that she wouldn’t feel the same. So instead, it was like he was apologizing, and asking that she forgive him for not being brave enough to tell her, and if he did ever get the courage to, for her to remember him even if she wasn’t able to love him like he wanted her to.

The song ends like how the title began, and I find myself flabbergasted at the beautiful mixes of rhymes and metaphors that read like a poem. This was the first of Jake’s songs that made me feel this way, like I had just finished watching a tragedy movie with Ryan Renolds starring. I blink back the tears that I didn’t realize were forming. How come he never told me this? We never kept secrets from each other, like ever. It never mattered the subject or the severity, we had always promised that we would be open and honest with each other. I wish I would’ve known this sooner, maybe I could’ve saved him from feeling this way. And what girl could it possibly be? I knew for sure I was the only girl he was presumably close to; but was there someone else?

I glanced down at Jake, who was still in a focused state of mind with the pencil in his mouth and mumbling lyrics softly under his breath. I tried picturing my bubbly Jake writing these agonizing words and miserably failed.

Jake looked up at me as if he could feel my gaze on the back of his head. “I think I’ve found the chorus, but it’s the rest of the song I’m not able to get, and how come it’s so hard to find another word that rhymes with severe? Beer? Sphere? Revere? Appear? Gosh, rhyming sucks some serious ass!”

“This song is beautiful.”

Jake furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Huh?”

“This song I found in your folder.” I glanced back at it in my hand. “Remember Me.”

Jake’s gaze leaped from my eyes to the sheet, and I felt his body tense. “Where’d you get that from?”

“I was just going through one of your folders. Did you accidentally get it mixed up in your fan folder? Cause this is -”

“Did you read it?” He interrupted.

“Yeah, and it’s perfect.”

Jake glanced at me for a split second before turning back around, obviously uncomfortable. “I was watching one of those Kdramas you love so much and it inspired me. Could you help me rhyme with severe now?”

I knew Jake like the back of my hand, so I knew continuing on with this conversation would get him upset if he’s clearly avoiding it. But, I wasn’t going to just let him off that quickly. “Jake, come on, you can tell me anything. Who is this about?”

Jake looked back at me with a hint of something in his eyes, something I’ve never seen before, and something I wasn't able to decipher. “Nobody, I was just feeling really inspired, that's it.” His tone had switched from calm to agitated.

I give him my I’m-not-stupid look and he comes back with his own you’re-being-delusional stare. “It’s seriously nobody, truthfully and honestly.”

“Okay, okay I’ll back off.” I could tell he was starting to get defensive, and when he got like that, it took him at least a few hours before returning to normal. I watched Jake's Adam's apple move up and down, a way in which I could tell he knew I was not convinced in the slightest. “Well, sometimes we go through things that can remind us of situations like that, but not necessarily in that same exact context, you know? It has to be amplified for that audience appeal.”

“Okay...but have you ever felt this way before? Not exactly like how it’s written, but maybe somewhere along these lines?”

I thought I was going to get another vague answer, or worse, an aggravated one. But instead Jake looked down at his pencil as he tapped it along his wrist. “...maybe, but I think everyone can connect to the words in some way. I mean, everyone feels some kind of heartbreak in their life, right?” Jake's answer was still pretty vague, but at least I was able to get something out of him.

“Okay, but you know you can tell me anything, like, anything ever because you know that you’ll never actually have to feel this way, right?” I said, maybe too much in a hurry.

“Of course I know that.” He replied, giving one of his awkward grins.

“And if anyone has made you feel this way, then you know you can tell me that too cause there a sucker to lose out on a perfect person like you.” I teased in a sing-song way, poking his shoulder hard. Jake chuckled and poked me back.

A weird silence grew in the room, and Jake went back to trying to find rhyming words. I tried getting back on my phone, but I knew I needed to say something to let go of the tenseness in the air.

“Hey, crystal clear rhymes!”

He leaned his head back and looked up at me. “Nevermind, I give up for tonight.”

I could see the stress that played on his face. “Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah, but by the time I do, it’ll be too late.”

“What do you mean?”

Jake pulled his knees up to his chest and spoke. “This was going to go on our album comeback that needs to be finished in the next four months. By the time I think of something, it'll be too late and I’ll have to wait until the next four months. But by then, I'll have forgotten. This always happens and I have no idea how the hell to fix it.” I couldn’t tell if he wanted my help or just a bit of comfort.

“Did you try asking the other guys to see if they had any ideas?”

“Yeah, but they’re working on their own parts, I can’t ask them to do this too.”

“I’m sure they’d be willing to help if you asked,” I assured him.

“I know they would, but I just don’t want to. I always ask them for help, I thought being away from the studio and being back home would help my brainstorming abilities.” He gave a weary chuckle that almost sounded like a groan.

“Well, maybe tomorrow will come with better results.” I did my best to give him some motivation, but I could tell I was failing miserably at that too.

Jake watched as a car zoomed past the window, a low bass sounding off as it zoomed away. “I bet it’s easier to just listen to music than to try and come up with it. I remember when I would just blare NCT all day long and jam out in my room. It seemed so much easier back then to come up with stuff than it does now. I miss it.” He took a slight pause before continuing. “ Did you know that song you read was the easiest thing I have written in my life? I remember writing too. I just had this super weird feeling in my chest one day so I basically locked myself in my room and took maybe two hours and just wrote a bunch of words down and connected them to sound like a song. For once my mind had just gone blank and I couldn’t stop thinking and feeling that song, like I knew what it was supposed to sound like, I knew what the lyrics were supposed to mean. I just knew everything. And I miss that feeling, that feeling of like- '' He broke off his sentence when he looked back up to my eyes. It seemed like he was talking more to himself than to me. He swallowed hard and looked back at the pencil still in hand.

“Well, I'm sorry you don’t feel free anymore. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel like that again-”

“No, please don’t feel like that. It’s just something that had just recently started happening, something I really just can’t fix…” His voice gets softer and softer the more he spoke.

“Have you spoken to your manager about it?” I asked. “He’s super nice from what I understand. And he’ll probably have better answers than your friend who can barely play the piano, let alone produce an entire song.”

Jake laughed before I had the chance to. “ See, now you're underestimating yourself. Remember that song from freshman year? The one about-- what was his name, Josh?” Jake teased. I grabbed a pillow and slammed it into the back of his head. “Oh my gosh, I thought we promised we’d never bring it up again!”

Jake chuckled and laid his arm on the couch completely turning towards me. “How about we sneak out and go get ice cream and try to not wake up your mom in the process?”

I suddenly jumped to my feet when I have the perfect idea on how to cheer up the gloomy Mr. Shim. “Or, we could do something even better!”

“Urgh!” Jake groaned.

I grabbed my phone and hooked it up to the speaker. I was going to turn on his hit song Drunk-Dazed as a joke, but Jake needed this break from his career, so instead, I crunk up Beyonce as loud as it could go without disturbing my mom who slept upstairs. I turn back to Jake and reach out for his hands, already moving my hips to the music.

He shook his head and threw it back onto the couch as if throwing a temper tantrum. “I literally dance for a living.”

“Okay but this will be different, I promise.” I grabbed the piles of papers on the ground and threw them in the trash, I then pushed the coffee table near the wall and piled his folders and books neatly on top.

“Come on, cowboy!” I grabbed his hands and helped him up. He was reluctant to get up, but he threw one last groan before standing on his feet.

“This will get the brain juices flowing again!” I told him. I go back to my phone and switch it to one of my favorite Beyonce songs that she covered, At Last.

I sang dramatically to get Jake to smile, and luckily, it worked. I placed both my hands over his shoulders and swayed us back and forth, still miming the song as overly exaggerated as I could. Jake still couldn’t help but smile, and it didn’t take him long to join me in the rhythm and sway naturally with me. I learned at our middle school dance that Jake had perfect rhythm. He was able to impress the rest of the crowd when he busted out moves from BTS. Everyone was impressed, including me.

Now we were on a steady roll. I accidentally stepped on his feet a few times, but it was fine seeing as I was wearing foam flip-flops and he was barefooted. After a while, the song switched and played another of my favorites that didn’t match our style of dance, but we still moved slowly to the beat. Jake tried twirling me, but since I have two left feet, I almost ended up hitting the wall each time and Jake laughed loud at my clumsiness. The moonlight from the kitchen had now switched to the window in the living room. It gleamed through and glistened on Jake like a spotlight, just like the ones on the stage did for him. In a split second, I was reminded that he wouldn’t be here forever, just like he wasn’t here for the past year. I tried to not let it settle on my face that I was scared to see him go again, so I played up on the fun we were having now. Jake looked like he was at ease; finally, since he’d been here, he looked genuinely happy and I wasn’t going to ruin that.

After another handful of songs full of laughs and giggles, we were soon sweating and taking deeper breaths than normal. Each song was different from the one before, but it didn’t stop us from sticking to our style of dance. Even with the simplicity of the moves and the slowness of the steps, I had to take a minute to relax. I hooked my arms around his neck and rested my entire body on his. I could feel Jake’s own sweat seeping through his shirt, But I didn’t mind the wetness that was now attached to my cheek. I thought he would act awkward and ask for me to pull away, but instead, he gripped tighter on my hips and started slowly moving me side to side. I let out a long overdue sigh, trying my best to match the steady breathing of Jake’s with my own. It was actually therapeutic: hearing his heartbeat in one ear and the softness of the music in the other.

I tried to continue our steady breathing together, but his had picked up a bit, almost out of nowhere. I felt the heat of his breath on the nape of my neck, and it made my entire body tingle in a way it never had before. After this sudden feeling, I realized just how close we really were. His leg hair tickled my legs, I could feel the bone of his foot connecting to mine, I could feel his thin waist against mine as well. I felt like I needed to back up, but instead, I couldn’t and continued to sway softly against him. A few seconds later, Jake’s hands rose a little higher, planting themselves on my waist and tightening their grip as if they were trying to pull me closer than we already were.

The sensation hadn’t stopped though, it clung to my body like my damp shorts did on my thighs. Sooner or later I felt pressure on the lower part of my stomach and thought for sure that Jake was messing around and wasn’t feeling what I was, which indicated that I needed to pull back before this feeling became too much.

This is so embarrassing. I thought. How could I let myself feel like this? How was this in any way okay? I finally pulled back, the sensation becoming too unbearable, and glanced up at his face. His pupils were large in a way I hadn’t seen before. His mouth was slightly open and a drop of sweat slowly traced down his forehead, onto his nose. That pressure I was feeling on my stomach had now doubled in force, and Jake's face had switched from calm and subtle, to alarmed and panicked...

————✧————

(part 2 possibly...?)

Thank you guys so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Please, leave any constructive criticism you have on helping improve my writing!

————✧————

None of the images are mine, They all belong to their rightful owners :)

560 notes · View notes

daddy-pops · 4 years ago

Text

✨Self Care Methods for the Moon Signs 🌙

creds to: @omgits_ella on instagram

♨️Aries Moon: i feel like the best self care methods for aries moon placements is something physical. like, maybe it’s a specific hobby you guys enjoy that takes up your entire attention but it’s also something that you take your energy out on. maybe it’s excerising, working out, or maybe something like.. my best friend with an aries moon binges competivite video games. something that you can really focus on to distract you & consume you so that negative energy doesn’t project to your loved ones.

🧸Taurus Moon: the best self care method for taurus moon placements i feel like would be taking things slow. taking your emotions & physical needs/things at your own pace and indulging in your needs. i’m not saying go do whatever you want, i’m saying that i understand that you need time to process your emotions, take that time. take care of yourself along the way but make sure you’re not throwing others to the side for your usuage, and going down the bad route. things happen for a reason and sometimes we just have no control over what’s happening. accepting that at the end of everyday you’re going to be okay is crucial, and understanding that the things you have learned can be seen as lessons instead of negative views/thoughts, which can prevent you from running into further problems in the future.

🗣Gemini Moon: the best self care method for gemini moons would be VENTING. they need somebody to talk to about what is going on in their head or else they feel scatterbrained and not “all there.” gemini is ruled by mercury, so gemini moons are prone to feeling more anxious than other signs. they usually just like to play it off. if they don’t talk to anybody and they don’t let out all this mercurial energy, they are prone to shutting down for awhile or using distractions to runaway from their inner thoughts in order to cope. they are also popular for using humour to cover up their emotions so everything seems “fine.” they need someone to talk to that is healthy for them, that stimulates them in the right ways, and is somebody that they trust. they only want to talk when THEY want to so give them their space and time and surely they will come to you.

🦀Cancer Moon: the best self care method for cancer moons i feel like would be comfort. comforting yourself with whatever your needs are. whether that be spending time with your loved ones, indulging in your comfort foods, or maybe even helping somebody else out. doing whatever you need to help process your emotions in a positive way, but remembering not shell up and push the ones you love around you away. remembering to keep that balance between your needs & others needs.

🎭Leo Moon: the best self care method for leo moons would be to pamper yourself. make yourself feel good, make yourself feel like yourself again. go out with friends, go on adventures, explore new hobbies, express yourself. don’t take it too far though and go down the wrong route, remembering to watch yourself to remain in that healthy mindset. surround yourselves with those you hold close & would do anything for, and remember to take care of yourselves.

🌷Virgo Moon: the best self care method for virgo moons i feel like would be journaling. virgo is ruled by mercury which can make virgo moons more anxious than other signs whether they show it or not. similiar to gemini moons, if they don’t let out all of this mercurial energy, they can feel disconnected trying to figure all of their emotions out. feeling “not all there” like gemini moons. since virgo is a more private sign than gemini, they don’t usually like to talk about their emotions much because of the earth influence. they don’t like being vulnerable unless they trust you. that’s why i think virgo would be interested in journaling rather than venting, they could keep their emotions to themselves but they can write out their feelings to let out this mercurial energy. it could also help them organize their emotions by jotting them down, letting them realize and understand what they’re feeling. basically it helps you rationalize your emotions, which is what they’re all about doing in their head. this is just a more organizing way to do it in my opinion.

🥂Libra Moon: the best self care method for libra moons i feel like would be taking time for yourself. doing the things that you need to do for YOURSELF, and to stop caring so much about how other people perceive you, and what they want from you or for you. surround yourself with the people you trust, and people you know are going to be there for you. take the time out of your day to do special things for yourself, maybe induldge in your favorite foods or your favorite hobby. use positive affirminations with yourself, remind yourself that it’s not all about what others think. your voice matters. you matter. what you think matters more than what anyone else thinks of you. keep reminding yourself of the good things about yourself using those positive affirminations. you deserve good things.

🖤Scorpio Moon: the best self care method for scorpio moons i feel like would be tapping into yourself. scorpio is ruled by pluto, the planet of change and transformation. if i know anything about scorpio placements, it’s that wherever scorpio is placed is going to show you the intense changing / transformation of yourself. for you guys, it must be tough. for this placement i would reccomend doing various things. for one, i would reccomend journaling. unlike virgo moons who do it for organization of their thoughts / feelings, i feel like it would be best for you aswell because your emotions can be so intense and overwhelming that you desperately need an outlet. journaling would allow a way for you to jot down these emotions without anyone getting hurt in the crossfire, but it also allows you to understand what you’re feeling on a deeper level. it’s actually been proven that physically reading & writing on a topic can further deepen your understanding on it. it would allow you to become more comfortable with yourself and your emotional state. another method i would reccomend would be distraction. listen, i know you’re emotions are crazy overwhelming and you feel trapped by them. i know it may seem hard at the moment, but distracting yourself would allow you to process your feelings more. when you first get into an emotional situation, your feelings are so intense that you may view it as an “all or nothing” situation. you may lash out at others, say things you don’t mean, or you may shut down entirely. if you use distraction, your emotions aren’t going to feel as intense because you’re doing something else. you’ve gotta occupy your mind with something you enjoy, that consumes all of your energy so later on you will be in a more rational emotional state, and so everything just won’t seem as overwhelming. this will help you become more clear minded with your emotions, rather than acting out on your emotions.

🏹Saggitarius Moon: the best self care method for sag moons i feel like would be to go out on an adventure. do something fun with yourself or with the people you love the most. let yourself be free. express yourself and remember to use positive affirminations with yourself. surround yourself with the people you trust and talk about what you’re feeling whenever you’re ready. trust yourself, and be humble with those around you. try not to runaway from your feelings, because that only causes you to runaway from yourself. accept yourself and who you are, believe that you are capable of great things. because you are capable. believe & accept yourself, and you will go a long way.

🌻Capricorn Moon: the best self care method for capricorn moons i feel like would be letting yourself take a break. it’s a good thing to balance out your work, hobbies, and relaxation time but i know that you guys like being productive and like grinding. so i would say to balance yourself out. if you think you would be better processing your emotions by working your butt off, go for it. but remember not to overwork yourself. remember that you’re productivity does not determine your worth. or maybe give yourself some much needed relaxtion time, go out with your closest friends, and talk to people that have your back. whatever you prefer, but the idea is to allow yourself to take a step back and say, “i’ve done so much, i deserve a break.” remember to balance this though, and use it when you need it.

👾Aquarious Moon: the best self care method for aquarious moon i feel like would be giving them their space. when an aquarious moon is upset about something, the best thing they need is space to rationalize and intellectualize their emotions. they want to rationalize in their head how they feel this way, why they feel this way, and what they can they do about it. sometimes they may feel better venting / talking to somebody they trust about it, or going out with their close friends because they are prone to overthinking. maybe take up a new hobby for variety or something new. let yourself have fun, and let yourself be happy. accept yourself and trust your gut.

876 notes · View notes

blueprint-han · 4 years ago

Text

[Image ID: A black picture with the title “HOW TO SUPPORT FANFICTION AUTHORS” written in bold caps lock, colored with a winter forest picture. End ID.]

Well, this post has been made countless times, but I’m making one too because I’ve seen a lot of people say they’re new to tumblr and don’t know the whole “reblogging is better than liking” rule and other stuff. So without any further ado, here are ways YOU can support the fanfiction authors. Now keep in mind this applies to almost every author out there, not just the stayblr fandom, so if you’re a silent reader (or even if you aren’t), I advise you go through this post. Warning, this is a fairly long post going into detail, so yeah. I still expect you, the readers to read this, and if you’re a writer, feel free to lmk if i’ve written smth wrong or if you want me to add something! ^^

In this post I’ll go into thorough analysis of the pros and cons of each of the methods listed here and how YOU as a reader can show the authors whose fics you read more love and motivate them to produce content.

WARNING; LONG POST! GOES INTO A DECENT AMOUNT OF DETAIL. NOT EDITED, EXCUSE ANY TYPOS.

#1 : LIKING !

I think this is basic common knowledge, and a lot of people tend to do this. When you like the post, the author sees it, you see it, and if the author has their liked posts accessible (which majority of the time they don’t), and if someone deliberately goes to check it, then they see it. See why so many authors say just liking does nothing? Only liking says “Hey, I’m gonna tell you your story is not that good by simply liking it and not sharing it with other people. :D”

♯ PROS:

You’re telling the author that you've read their fic, and either you’ve enjoyed it to a certain extent, or you’re just saving it to read for later.

Likes are seen by you, the author and anyone who has access to your likes (which, most people don’t).

♯ CONS:

If you ONLY like, you’re not really helping the author’s work reach a wide audience because this site isn’t Instagram. Reblogging is the only way people can SEE our works. I’ll cover more on that in the next section.

In a nutshell, liking is good! But you should most likely use it in a combination with the other stuff I’ve listed below, because just the like itself doesn’t really do much in giving the author any feedback or interaction on their fics.

To clear shit up; I’m not talking about those people who don’t read the story or appreciate it in the first place. I’m talking about those who appreciate the fic, like it, but don’t leave any sort of feedback to show that.

#2 : REBLOGGING !

This is SO, SO important. I cannot stress on this enough. Let me explain WHY so many writers stress on reblogging content:

Tumblr’s tag system is inherently fucked up, and has grown more so over the year. I’m not kidding, at first, the fic either used to show up in the tags or it didn’t, but now, sometimes your fic can be REMOVED from the tags because of,,, idk tumblr tag shit. Anyways, as you can see, it’s very demotivating for authors at that point, because the major way for people to find their content and expand their blogs has been blocked.

Due to this reason, tumblr authors need to RELY on you, their followers to help spread their works to a wider audience. Now again, before you get me wrong, I’m not saying you ae forced to rb our works regardless of whether you like them or not. BUT, that being said, if you DO infact like the story, there’s no harm in reblogging, right? By doing this you’re indirectly telling the author — “hey! :D I liked your fic! Which is why I am gonna share it to my followers so they can read it too :D” Trust me, you’re doing nothing but helping the people who produce content for you to read. Seems like a worthy cause to hit the reblog button, right? It’s only a one, or maximum two step procedure.

Leave tags in your reblogs! Trust me, as an author myself and as much as I know from all my author friends, we oft check the tags of your reblogs to see if you found any part amazing or even if you have anything to say about the writing we put so much hard work into. Even a key smash or a “This was so [insert adjective] 🥺” is enough to leave a smile on your authors face.

♯ PROS :

You’re !! Sharing !! Your authors !! Works !! This leads to them getting more recognition, so for the content they’re so graciously providing for free, you’re promoting their blog and helping them expand it.

If the tags are being a shit, which majority of the time they are, then you’re literally making an author’s day by reblogging! You’re showing them that you, a follower and appreciator of their works are willingly sharing their content because it deserves to be seen by more people. Again before any dumb people decide to attack me, i am talking about people who like the fic but don't bother reblogging and are silent/ghost readers. I am not forcing anyone to read anybody’s work.

YOU’RE MAKING YOUR AUTHOR SO HAPPY WHAT MORE REASONS COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT !! 🥺

♯ CONS :

Literally none, because as far as I remember no author is against reblogging of their works. It’s quite literally the way this platform functions. Reblogging is IMPORTANT.

#3 : COMMENTING/SENDING FEEDBACK !

This kind of overlaps with the previous section, but THIS IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT STEP !! When you leave feedback, you are directly giving the author something so much more valuable to them than high follower/note counts or money. Your feedback is literally our serotonin. I kid you not the number of times I’ve received a positive comment and smiled and it has made my day. There’s a reason youtubers (though not the best example, bear with me here because it was the only one I could think of) ask people to subscribe, like and COMMENT. The subscription is like a follow, the like is ofc like a heart, and the comment is equivalent to an rb with comments in the tags.

You might argue and tell me that a comment is basically like an ask so the reblogging step isn’t necessary, but I’m sure 99% of you use YouTube and you know that more comments leads to people’s videos boosted in the stream/trending charts. This is what reblogging does. Reblogging shares the piece with other people like minded, which leads to a boost in reads. You are literally helping your author grow.

It’s quite literally the same thing as youtubers. Youtubers NEED validation to keep their content creation going, so do writers, so do other ccs on this site. This post is however, focused on WRITERS, so keep that in mind.

♯ PROS :

By doing this, you’re giving author valuable feedback! It’s similar to what you do in rbing with tags. Interactivity with their fics boosts their note counts and helps expand their audience, so srsly, now think of it: your one comment is playing such a massive role to help ccs create more content.

Imagine how much of a difference the note counts will be in when every person who simply likes after reading the fic, reblogs, leaves a comment and sends an ask. the note counts would be high on each and every fic, which is validation in itself, but your comments would inspire the writer so much more! Please, don’t skip the commenting part. Even a simple one like: “this is so cute!” is wonderful.

♯ CONS :

Remember, if you’re gonna give constructive criticism (which I’m sure you all are smart enough to know if different from hate), make sure the author is okay with it. Authors need to be in a specific mindset and must be ready to accept criticism, so if you’re gonna give constructive criticism to them when they’re at a low point, it may demotivate them.

Just commenting, instead of reblogging and commenting in the tags/ reblogging and then leaving an ask in their inbox, while it gives validation in plenty, will not lead to the author’s work being spread. Therefore I suggest either reblogging and commenting in the tags or reblog and then leave an ask, or comment under the fic!

!! reminder; I am not saying that if you don’t rb and just leave feedback, your feedback has no value. We authors truly appreciate every bit of feedback, but this post is aimed to help you learn how to interact with and support authors, and make them feel more motivated, because the current scenario of liking and scrolling is taking a toll on their creative abilities. Take it from a person who’s been writing for a year.

#4 : COMMSIONING VIA THEIR KO-FI/OTHER APPS !

Before any of you attack me, let me tell you that this is not a step that is 100% necessary to do. ONLY donate if you can and if you genuinely want to, and if anyone is forcing you to pay for something against your will, you need to get yourself out of there.

Regardless, if an author has a kofi and you’re able to and you want to donate, you definitely should! It’s also a valid form of support.

#5 : ADDING THEM ON REC LISTS/ RECOMMENDING THEM TO REC BLOGS

This is such an underrated option, to be honest. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen my fic was recommended onto some rec list and it’s made me smile so hard. If you like some fics, create a rec list! They’re oft very popular amongst the fans too. Making rec posts is such a great way to share your favorite stories with others.

Rec blogs! I’ve seen a couple going around, and needless to say they are a great way to get someone else to read your favorite author’s work whilst also giving them your own feedback. These blogs oft accept recs via a form or ask box, and they leave your feedback along with their own, or else they’ll oft tag the author in the feedback post, so look! You’re basically helping your author share their fic to many more people, because you’ve given them feedback and a reblog.

♯ PROS :

Validation! Feedback! Reblogs! More exposure! Helping a blog grow! Spreading love! basically a run down of the stuff I’ve said before!

♯ CONS :

Literally no con of this. Unless, a one in a million case, this author says they don’t like receiving feedback/being tagged, and I’m sure NO person has said this before, at least none that I’ve heard of.

#6 : FINAL COMMENTS; MISC !

When an author points out about how the interactivity is drastically reducing, don’t just give them blind apologies. Yes, you feel sorry for not interacting as much, we understand, but rather show that you’ll become a better content consumer through your actions. We need to see that we’re not just throwing words into a void and that people are actually trying to be better content consumers.

Understand the fact that authors don’t get paid for this, and 99% of the time, these authors don’t take commissions either. They’re giving you novel worthy writings for free. Take Percy Jackson: You think the author would have felt motivated to write the subsequent parts, let alone two whole series based off of it if literally no one showed that they were interested? Rick Riordan has sales, he is being paid, there are millions of people and big agencies who provide him feedback. Now take that huge amount and simmer it down to an audience of maybe 10000 people This is what fanfic authors want. They don’t want your money, nor are they telling you to risk your lives for them. All they want is, a reblog, some tags, some feedback, some INTERACTIVITY. A sign that they aren’t throwing fics into the void and that people actually like them, some motivation to continue. Seems fairly easy to throw an rb with some tags, right?

Don’t bother to tell me that we do this for ourselves and we shouldn’t ask for likes and reblogs and feedback, because 1) you are consuming the content that we “write for ourselves” and 2) writers post their content here for interactivity and feedback. We could just not post and write and save our fics in our dungeon drafts for years. But we choose to post to entertain the readers, the consumers. And we aren’t even asking that much in return.

Don’t give me the whole “I’m scared that authors feel that comments are annoying” excuse either because seriously this has been DEBUNKED SO MANY TIMES. Istg, in the nicest way possible, if you still think writers are annoyed by interaction and feedback, after so many posts, long rants have been posted as to how we’re not, then you must truly be living under a rock. There, I said it. Please stop thinking this way, I’ll say it again, AUTHORS ARE NOT ANNOYED OF FEEDBACK, COMMENTS, TAGS, REBLOGS. WE LOVE IT. Saying this is like saying that the audience in a theatre play shouldn’t clap when the play ends because the actors would find it noisy. 🤡

I’ve seen some people saying they have anxiety issues and such, so pls note that I’m not invalidating your condition. If you’re trying to be more interactive, I really appreciate it! If you can’t, that’s fine too. You’re trying.

But for the people who have no reason other than feeling lazy to rb and comment, your lack of interactiveness is not excused. Please. Tumblr is a reblogging site. If you’re gonna consume content like authors are some sort of machines, I encourage you to go get some more perspective.

This site is not Instagram or the satan bird app. Your likes are appreciated but frankly speaking, they do nothing to the author except tell them “Hey i read ur fic but i'm not gonna support u :D” and honestly, that is detrimental to their creative capabilities and mental health.

DON’T FOLLOW AN ACC JUST TO MINDLESS RB THEIR SIGNAL BOOST POSTS AND THEIR REBLOGS OF GIFS AND NOT INTERACT WITH THEIR WRITING AT ALL ! Trust me, authors prefer a lower amount of interactive followers than a high count that doesn’t even give them any feedback. Again your follows are appreciated, but when you’re following, you know the type of content the author creates, so the author expects that the more followers, the more interactivity. These days, this is just becoming the opposite. So don’t do it! If you’re gonna follow to read, interact with their works. I promise, this will make both you and the author happy. A win-win situation.

In conclusion: SUPPORT YOUR FUCKING AUTHORS! THEY ARE NOT MACHINES THAT HAVE NO FEELINGS TO PRODUCE CONTENT FOR YOU! FICS TAKE DAYS AND DAYS OF PLANNING, PLOTTING, OUTLINING, WRITING, EDITING, MAKING TEASERS. SO JUST SHOW THEM YOU APPRECIATE THEM WITH AN RB. IT’S THE L E A S T YOU CAN DO.

I will be liking this post here written by the lovely @chaninfused and @scriptura-delirus . Please take time to read it because if you weren’t convinced by my arguments, you will see how much frustration we as writers face on a daily basis. Please, just show support. Here is the post by @stayndays about how to get more people to read your work, because it also has a note on reblogging. Please educate yourself, and put an end to this mindless consuming culutre and bring up some interactivity.

If you’ve read this far, I want you to go to two of your favorite authors and leave some feedback in their inbox, and tag me in it (either tag me yourself or ask the author to do so, they won’t mind). Show your writers that our words are taking effect and you are becoming better consumers. I mean it. I’m serious. I want every single one who reads this post to do this. besides valid reasons, if you’re lazy to do this, you’re a part of the problem. PLEASE get more perspective.

Also, feel free to add to this post! I’d love to read your thoughts too, remember to be kind though. And, if I think your rb is somehow contradicting my points and is bringing down the reason I made this post, I will politely ask you to delete your comment, because this post is about being truthful about the harsh reality of tumblr consumers and how we can change it. I’m sure none of you will let it get to that point, though. <3 love you guys. 💓

And, just a reminder, don’t just blindly like this too. Do what I said before, and while I am not forcing you, I’d appreciate your reblog, because seriously, it took me 3 whole days to write this, plus, I’m sure this will help more of your followers understand the fault in consumer culture. haha, that’s it! This post was way too long uff.

also, this is ur cue to not be stupid in my inbox. You have something to say? Think I worded smth wrongly? I’m sure it wasn’t my intention to do so, point it out with manners.

697 notes · View notes