#I am so mitigated
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"how's the embroidery going?" well my furnace broke like 3 hours before a massive snowstorm so there's that edit 1/7/25: heat restored! thanks for all the well wishes you guys
#I AM FINE. my landlord is actually responsive and he is already mitigating everything and we have space heaters#the emergency technician couldn't repair it tonight due to the part needed#so fixing the furnace will be a post-storm event#this is just me thunking my head against the wall#chatter#not embroidery
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was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"
ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy ✌️
#rye.txt#I'll be fine lol#the sudden shift in my daily schedule and my generally unhealthy eating today were the big things that made me feel Bad#so now that I am actually cognizant of this I can take steps to mitigate it tomorrow#god. what the hell did I even eat#leftover soup. that was breakfast (very out of my ordinary). uhh. a lot of pie (grandma made a ton for thanksgiving).#a tangerine that miiight have been on the edge of going bad#(thought I should eat a fruit. fruit did not improve status)#reheated popcorn chicken? that was not a good decision I felt so gross after eating that#hrm. ok my issue is that I feel like I Need To Eat These Leftovers So They Don't Go Bad#otherwise i'll be Wasting Perfectly Good Food#BUT. I don't want to eat it and eating it makes me feel generally unfulfilled and kinda blehg#ough. why can't I be normallllll#I'm also not dealing with the whole 'zero human contact' very well tbh. which is weird because I'm a deeply introverted person#and usually spend my days avoiding people like the plague#but idk. it's been literal years since I've spent and extended period of time completely alone#I don't knowwww i don't know#I'm gonna invite some friends over tomorrow and get them to help me eat these dang pies#ALSO. ITS BEEN REALLY COLD TODAY. AND I HAD TO BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBORS' HOUSE#(was not breaking in; I was trying to take care of their dogs since they're out of town)#(but their door code AND their garage door code weren't working#and I didn't have a physical key to use#so I had to push my way in through a back door that'd been blocked by a pile of boxes taller than my head#and squirm into their garage in order to get inside and take care of the dogs)#(was a very stressful way to spend my early waking hours)#i ALSO had to drive to the AIRPORT this morning which SUCKED. had to drop off family#which like I'm happy to help but also airports suck so much ass I hate them#anyway. today was sort of shitty#but mostly I only have myself to blame#did not structure my day well enough
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Good thinking! I think that's the only logical explanation too. It does make sense and it has to be like this, taking into account the chronological order of the events
Personally, I am kind of mitigated though. When I first read the first issues, before anything about him was revealed I headcannoned him in his late '20s (like 27-28). Obviously, that doesn't add up with the rest of the information we got later. So, all information considered, I personally would now place him in his '30s.
Still, let me explain my initial line of though:
It baffles me how young he looks without his helmet (at least to me). Still, I don't know whether it is just the art style or a deliberate choice of the artist. But we should take into account that these short stories are a much later addition to the source material and are actually spin-offs.
Still, judging from his personality alone (no backstory involved), I'd make him much younger. One would imagine that by his age he would have developed some brains, but that's the main point of his whole character. He used to be curious once and has been succumbing to the same fatal flaw ever since. Him being in his '40s highlights that even more than him being in his -let's say- 20's when this kind of immaturity is natural and to be expected.
Also, other traits he displays (like letting others push him around, impulsive actions) are generally associated with younger people (stereotypically speaking, it can happend to anyone). Which makes me wonder about the attitude of his colleagues like Angus etc. Not that I believe that he would be any kinder if he knew (because I suppose he doesn't) Camera 9's actual age.
Plus, he hangs out a lot with Lyla who (despite being an android) I would place in her '30s. I always imagined these two as belonging to the same generation.
(I know that him being in his '40s doesn't contradict any of the aforementioned)
Extra note: if we take into account the headcannon that he lost his nationality because his country doesn't exist anymore, we could find an approximate birth date for him, but since this isn't a headcannon I comply with I won't analyse this point of view
Doing the math (according to my headcannons):
Graduating at 21, working at newspapers and making a name for a couple of years [3-4] (I always imagined him as someone with an almost instant success in the field - just to make his downfall even more angstier), so he starts the hot spot coverages at about 25-30 and keeps going for some years (not many). He loses his nationality, becomes Camera 9. You are right here, he mustn't have been working at 00 for a long time since people do remember Stefan Vladuck.
So, I'd say he's 35+ when the actual story takes place. I like the number 37 for some reason.
Our views don't differ a lot. But it is as if, in my mind, Stefan is 27, 37 and 45 at the same time depending the point of view I analyse him from xD
But technically speaking, anything from 30+ could be possible chronologically.
Hello! I hope you're doing well! I was thinking about Stefan (to no one's surprise) and I was wondering how old he could be. As a Stefan expert, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this subject
Hi! I'm doing well, hope you're well too.
I would say in his 40s, based on what he has done so far. We would also have to consider how long he has been Camera 9, but let's speculate:
I don't know how old you would typically graduate from journalism school, but let's assume around 24-25, then, I guess he didn't started as a hotstop journalist right away, he likely worked writing articles or notes for newpapers. Maybe he started his real career in his late 20s or early 30s. He did make a name for himself in the field. He is talented, so it may happen right away, but I'd say it took some time, so maybe mid to late 30s? Maybe he lost his nationality around that time, too... and we don't know how long he has been Camera 9, but it can be THAT long since people still recognize the name Stefan Vladuck (though nobody knows it's him).
I may be missing or overseeing a lot of details, but, yeah, I would say on his 40s.
What do you think?
#I'd like to hear all Stefanologist's opinions!#I am so mitigated#On one hand there's the cannon information and on the other hand personal observations influenced by social constracts#It doesn't help that everything is based on headcannon since so little actual information exists#Camera 9#Stefan Vladuck
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Also in other foolish illness news I stripped my bed this morning because I was so sick of the sheets smelling like fever sweat and thought it would probably help but now I'm wondering why I did that. Now I have to like...actually wash them. Girl help
#could i put them back on the bed without washing them? yeah i guess#should i have waited a few more days? probably#but also the level of cleanliness in this house is driving me up a WALL and i think if i mitigate some of that perhaps it will help#thought process this morning was also 'i'm going to have to rearrange the comforter anyways so might as well'#and i do think there's some truth to that#but also. girl. walking around wears you out and you need to wash dishes and make dinner and such. this was dumb#i need the concept of spoons drilled into my brain i am always overestimating what i can get done in a day#perce rambles
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Also you 🤝me
Doing Bad Things Happen Bingo looking at Rise and cackling wickedly…..now to make them their own separate thing or write more CC brainrot
always the option to mix it up a little !!! i'll probably be writing a little cc if i get an idea for something really good with my bthb but im probably going to focus mooostly on original prompts so mess around. do what your heart desires!!!
#ask#my brain races in circles for ages until i get a Zing#and that is what makes me write the good shit#and i literally could not tell you what makes it happen it just kinda. pop#WHERE DID I GET THE CANARIES FROM BRUH#fun fact for CU i was originally planning on doing a curse that affected all of them#to draw a line between donnie and his family like#its a kind of affliction that can be mitigated with physical touch#for the rest of them it barely means anything. its so easy to handle#so they dont even consider donnie at all at first until its too late#and they werent even told it COULD get that bad because why would they be???#i couldnt find a structure for it so i changed it to venom instead howeverrr#i am very invested in the idea of doing some whump for all of them like that#like idk pollen that heightens paranoia severely or something#and splinter has to confront the ways his neglect has affected his children definitely by the ways they act#OH THE ZING HAPPENED#splinter pov ....#raph fight leo flight mikey freeze donnie fawn...... chat im cooking. CHAT IM COOKING#eyeing the self loathing prompt#like mikey cant do anything but cry and cling to his family#and raph is super protective and trying to herd them and keep them AWAY from splinter out of distrust#and leo flees because he's ashamed of being distress and they cant see him like that#while donnie obsessively cleans and checks stock#and splinter thinks he's being reliable 'as ever' until he breaks down over something so simple#like not enough food and its the day before grocery day#CHAT IM COOKING#omfg
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54, 55, 57, and 36 for Ethedis/Corunir 💜?
36. Who’s more likely to fire up the stove at 2am because the other woke up in the middle of the night hungry? Ethedis would be. Corunir of course would never ask her to, I don't think he likes to ask people for things, but Ethedis will never pass up an excuse to do something nice for him <3. Currently I hc elves don't need to sleep as much as humans do, so odds are she was probably awake anyway
on that note, a cute thing I should also mention: though she's awake for a lot of the night she stays in bed with Corunir anyway. No one else is awake and she doesn't have much else to do, so she just likes to relax there and Be Held <3 (of course in my hc Corunir is a big cuddler. why give him such big arms if not to Hold the Ethedis?)
54. Who’s more likely to carry the other to bed?
So Ethedis would really want to, but the thing is, Corunir is a big guy and she's a lil elf with lil noodley scholar arms, it just isn't happening. Corunir would be more than happy to scoop her up though, she weighs about as much as a small sack of flour to him <3 (I am also a huge supporter of the hc that elves are just, slightly less effected by gravity, so Corunir is initially very shocked at how easy she is to pick up)
55. Do they like watching clouds or star gazing?
Of course! you know how elves are about stars ✨
Eth probably has a massive pool of knowledge about constellation Lore™ built up over her years of study that she would be more than happy to dump on Corunir at a moment's notice <3 and he's happy to hear all about it! (even if she does end up going on for so long that he falls asleep 😅 in his defense, it's very late and the sound of her voice is just such a comforting thing to drift off to, who can blame him really?)
57. Whose the serious one when grocery shopping and who likes to toss random things in the cart?
in a modern AU Corunir is in charge of making the grocery list and sticking to it. Ethedis, filled with the whimsy and impulsiveness of a young elf, is in charge of tossing Fun Treats™ into the cart whenever he's not looking (they are not leaving the store without at least 1 (one) new scented candle or potted plant)
#lotro#Corunir#lotro oc#Ethedis#ask games#I keep forgetting to flesh out their romantic dynamic more lol I think this is a good ask game for me#I am gently holding them and squishing them like gummy bears#the current hc I like is that elves don't need to sleep much/at all under normal circumstances (like when they're just chilling at home)#but if they're traveling/fighting/injured/doing anything else strenuous they do need to sleep about as much as humans do#I know there's a slightly different angle canon provides (mainly that 'sleep' looks waaaay different for elves) but#in lotro elves do need to sleep canonically (the PC has to for multiple quests and no exception is made for elves. it isn't even mentioned)#similar to how I heard that elves are meant to be immune/less effected by the cold but in lotro they have no frost mitigation buffs#so Ethedis can get cold too bc I said so (and I want her to get bundled up under Corunir's cloak)#anyway ty for the ask <3
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there has got to be some kind of long term consequence for living in a way in which you fear for your life almost 24/7
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#godd frrrr tho i almost forgot how much more smoothly my braincells cooperate when i smoke#it's still a dangerous balancing act to avoid severe hours-long panic and i def felt it coming on for a min#until anxiety brain decided it'd be worse to freak out in public lol. but once that got bypassed i am so vibing rn fr#i wish i could trust it more regularly again#it may wreck like the intellectual part of my braincells but it's not like alcing hol doesn't too and at least with this it mitigates rathe#than fuels the trauma rumination y'know#+ even if it doesn't make my art 'better' per se it still drastically lowers my mental barriers to actually doing any at All
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THANK GOD THERE MIGHT STILL BE HOPE
#I learned biden stepped down while my phone was dead and almost had an aneurysm#I’m so fucking relieved#i am not happy i’ll be voting for the democrats but I’m voting for scotus and the administrative state. especially labor. I have to remind#myself that the harm mitigated by the quieter parts of the biden admin is real even if fellow far left ppl don’t want to say so#like you just cannot argue labor is in a better place than it’s been in a century
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my cousin has a strong fear of being attacked by a sharks & he was talking about how he's never gonna swim in the ocean ever again & I was like "that's silly, there's 1 fatal shark attack every other year in the US & only around 15 per year in the entire world. unless you're an australian surfer your chances are basically zero" & he was like "hm. fascinating. now tell me about the plane crash stats" -_-
#thwarted by my own logic#yes ive been venting to everyone about how terrified i am of my flight to japan this november#i havent booked it yet bc i have to wait for a few paychecks first but im trying to mitigate my fear by taking an airbus rather than boeing#the problem is there are no flights on airlines that use airbus directly from chicago to japan. i have to go to LAX first. & by far the most#common time for a crash is shortly after takeoff so im actually amplifying my risk by taking two flights rather than one#but no matter what im going to be fucking terrified flying across the pacific ocean. a mid ocean crash is like#one of my greatest fears. if we are on land w/catastrophic engine failure at least theres a chance of gliding down to an airport#what fucking airport is there in the middle of the pacific
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in my cutthroat careerbitch era
#guy literally signed up to partner project with me a DAY BEFORE THE DEADLINE#on a project I literally am already finished with.#did not ask my permission did not make any attempt to contact me#i cannot contact him because he followed 0 instructions on the syllabus#like. he just wrote his name next to mine to form a ‘group.’ again. literally direct before the deadline#and there is 0 way for me to exchange any information with him#so. sorry. I am not going to hunt down his social media and then coddle him into feeling like he contributed something#which btw would take up my saturday morning. on slack and zoom#[affirmation] I will not attempt to mitigate the consequences of this random man’s bad choice when they only affect him#instead I am going to finish today’s work and then try to enjoy my weekend#making this decision has of course made me also so tense and now i have a lingering guiltanxiety about it despite#this genuinely being somebody trying to take advantage of my work. well. foot down. line is drawn…
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i need u to post more of your opinions bc everything you’ve posted recently has had me nodding my head. like what u said about those tiktoks people make about people’s profiles on dating apps and the surveillance state and how whiteness is the standard in a lot of self insert fanfic/fanart or just fandom in general to the point that people don’t notice how they box brown and black people out of participating. i’ve been thinking a lot about stuff like this recently and it’s kinda consuming me. like i really hate how racism is still so prevalent in fandom. the other day this fanartist i liked (not anime) deactivated bc people asked her to draw nonwhite and not skinny characters and she went on a colorist crash out bc she only wanted to draw her characters with paper white skin which then opened the doors for her followers to be racist. then “her sister” posted her ai generated apology that uses her bad mental health as an excuse while people became even more racist. like it makes me want to tear my hair out
SHJSDKD i’m happy to hear you like my annoyed rambling posts and i feel you, the rage is extremely consuming. not even joking, for both of our sakes, we have to remember to breathe and count the blessings around us bc it really is so easy to be mad at everything all the time always 😭😭 sometimes i believe in the benefit of the doubt, as in someone who isn’t black/brown and/or darkskin might be used to the way the world presents content, particularly content surrounding love and entertainment, and might have inadvertently been taught to mimic that isms so deeply engrained in it, but you can always tell by their response to being correct, and a colorist crash out and ai apology is absolutely crazy work omfg
#anonymous#i say this knowing i’m still mad all the time at everything but. i am getting better at mitigating the stress w things i Do enjoy#my ramble this week is that i love videos where people are like ‘i enjoy doing x and it’s my love language. so i did x for my partner’#and i really do like seeing that kinda content and i used to see more of it#but when i did see it the comments were always to the point of ‘lol and what does your boyfriend do for you?’ etc etc etc#which. i understand the general broad sentiment there—men rarely ever are in public spaces performing (labor in particular)—for their partne#and even when they do it’s a bit eh.#and i get that critical lens#but for the most part i think it was very clear that those (mostly) women were like. this is something i would do anyway/do for all the#people i love/how i show i care. which i thjnk is like the point of it all man#that’s love that’s community that’s a relationship#BUT i find it funny how now that narrative is shifting to more#‘here’s me cooking for my boyfriend after he had a 16h shift as a stay at home girlfriend’#or ‘my boyfriend is flying back cross country for work so i took off my job early to surprise him with dinner’#which can still be a genuine ‘this is me showing love for my person’#but also has a sort of inisiduous trad wifism woven into the wording of it now#and i know that’s the case bc the comments now are not in critique of the man and his alleged lack of reciprocal performance for his partner#instead everyone Likes the content when it’s presented this way almost like it ‘should’ be presented as#‘here i am as a woman doing x task for my man’ instead of ‘here i am as a person showing love to someone who i consider my equal’#which is a really sinister undertone and overal social shift esp when you factor in the…. everything happening in american and wider global#politics#but also in fashion in makeup in film/media#this call for traditionalism as Good as a mask for racism/misogyny/bigotry#Instead of tradition as honor acceptance and a ground to grow on#is really concerning. but anyway did we all try the chips i thought the chips were great
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listen still in recovery mode but one blog specific thing i want to focus on is that i am processing some Big Feelings regarding recent events in the publishing world and simply put if you see me retooling one of my most beloved muses as azhr*rn from t*nith lee's body of work or even just making an oc that bears some resemblance to an old muse we're not going to talk about it.
#as w other fandoms i do not interact with i think the damage this still living monster does cannot be mitigated with a mere disclaimer.#so i am likely going to scrub the muses in question not just for that reason but for uhhh. coping reasons.#but this freak has been in my head for years and i am not afraid to take MY OWN PERSONAL LORE i took over half of my life to build#what i alone introduced to the shell of what exists. not quite filing the serial numbers off but more excising my own influence#and taking it back and shaping to my own specifications.#out of stories
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For the last 3 days or so, my face has been having a horrible eczema flare up, just the top 5 layers on my skin nothing but flakes. Itchy, uncomfortable, painful and I could Not figure out why until my mom commented thinking it was stress and I was like no that’s not it but idk what it is. And she was like “oh, I changed the washing liquid from the non-allergenic non-bio to bio, maybe that’s it?” And I had to try not to scream and sob while going “Aha maybe, could you perhaps not use that please?”
#personal#I am SO uncomfortable#and cause I’m an idiot I forgot my steroid at my uni house#so I have had literally no way to mitigate this#and she washed my bed sheets with it as well before I got back#which is why my face is so bad 😭
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Mom had a lunch date with some coworkers today, and we had planned that I would meet her at her place after to do a resistance training video and then make dinner
But when I came over she was like 'oh no we don't have time to do that, help me make banana bread' so I did, like a sucker. Then I helped make dinner (I say helped but I did like 70-80% of the baking and cooking) and then we had dinner together and I went home and collapsed on the couch
I was so worn out I fell asleep for like 90 minutes. Then I was awoken by my nighttime meds alarm, took my meds, did a load of dishes, fed the cats, and had a shower
Never got that exercise in, and now it's 2 AM, and I'm exhausted
Guess I'll just have to turn in and try again tomorrow
#tomorrow i am gonna walk to Staples with hubby to get printer ink. so that's something#but i really need to be doing resistance training/weight lifting more consistently#i have several conditions and medications that can harm my bone density and muscle mass#so i need to be working to mitigate that#anyway#mod post#exercise#family stuff#busy day
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