#I am so glad to have finished this. Not being able to find what fanart I've reblogged or not has been maddening.

[amplexadversary]

I have finally finished going through my Critical Role tag!

That's 128 pages of fixed tags, once I cleaned up unnecessary duplicate posts, and now it should be pretty easy to navigate. Everything that's tied to a campaign is either CR1, CR2, CREXU, or CR3, and everything else has a cast member's name tagged.

Characters now have only one tag per character, stuff involving most or all of a party is now tagged as the party (Vox Machina, TM9, Bells Hells), and I have tags for CR NPCs, CR Guests, and CR Setting. So if I forget what tag I used for someone, I can go into one of the above and find a post about them pretty quickly.

I have about a million more fandoms to go through and do this for but I'm confident that with one exception (Pokemon) each individual one of those is going to be a much shorter task.

[umahumahumah]

Can you rate all hetalia ships and your fav

I'll try. Let's go alphabetical order!

America/Australia: 0/10

It feels incestuous. I do find it funny how apparently Australia, someone clearly younger than America, is apparently in his 20's while the latter is 19.

America/Austria: 5/10

I think the fun part about this ship is how America has the potential to annoy Austria so much. Still, I can't really see the appeal.

America/Belarus: 5/10

I like the concept of this ship because both characters have contrasting personalities and are on opposing sides! I'm a sucker for that type of thing, which is kind of surprising that this ship doesn't compell me too much. At least not enough to make content of them.

America/Belgium: 6/10

I think America would really like Belgium's waffles, that fatass...

America/Bulgaria: 5/10

Clearly Bulgaria has dedicated his heart to one man and one man only. I don't see any chemistry between him and America... Actually maybe a little. I like the dynamic between normie and pathetic loser. Though I think if Bulgaria is not with Romania he would kill himself

America/Cameroon: 4/10

I think America would take a liking to Cameroon due to their shared interests in sports, but Cameroon feels way too mature to take any of America's tomfoolery.

America/Canada: 0/10

Blatantly incest.

America/China: 8/10

It feels like an alternate version of RusAme, with one side clearly maturer than the other. Though tbh I think the fun of this ship would be seeing how long it takes for America to break China

(+1 Point for that Wash My Belly Dude! Roblox game)

America/Croatia: 6/10

I think I made fanart of this ship once. I never finished it and it's on my dead phone, so... From the very minor appearance Croatia made in the entirety of Hetalia's existence, he seems like a very lethargic character, a great contrast to America's personality. Unfortunately, since Croatia is less than bare bones, I can't rank it any higher. If he was developed more I could easily ship him with America.

America/Cuba: 7/10

Cuba has a very strong hatred for America, doesn't he? Though whether America reciprocates that hatred or not is up to question. Considering his other rivalries though, America is probably very dismissive or unaware about Cuba's hatred. Whether it is reciprocated or not, I love a good ol' rivalry!

America/Cyprus: 3/10

I guess there's nothing bad about it, but what can I say about this? Cyprus would probably be scared of America or at least uncomfortable with his presence.

America/Czechia: 6/10

Anything to cuck Slovakia.

America/Denmark: 7/10

I think these two would be a very chaotic duo! They'd get into all sorts of shenanigans and probably plant a stink bomb somewhere in the meeting room. Them in a romantic context doesn't compell me, but they seem like they'd be good friends.

America/Ecuador: 6/10

There's nothing wrong with it, but I can't say much about it since Ecuador's barely a character. I can imagine them being good friends though.

America/Egypt: 6/10

There's something interesting about the dynamic of someone who doesn't talk and someone who doesn't know how to shut up.

America/England: -100000000/10

We got to USUK.... Honestly man I don't think I can describe the absolute HATE BONER I have for this ship. Reading the world itself feels like a walk through the fiery coals that make up the ground of hell. The ship is a bastardization of the characters involved and I am glad that it is finally dying out. Putting aside the incestuous and pedophilic undertones, most USUK content I've seen heavily mischaracterize America and England. I could probably replace the two characters with Generic Yaoi Couple™ and nobody would be able to tell the difference!!!!

America/Estonia: 0/10

No idea why but Himaruya made Estonia 17... I know ages are almost obsolete in Hetalia nowadays but maaan still

America/Finland: 1/10

Honestly I've always imagined Finland acting more like a father figure to America than anything romantic.

America/France: 0/10

Incest.

America/Germany: 7/10

Couples with one wild party and one that keeps them in check are always fun!

America/Greece: 3/10

Honestly I'd feel bad for Greece if he has to deal with America all the time. Let him nap pls

America/Hong Kong: 0/10

Hong Kong is 16-17

America/Hungary: 3/10

I think she'd just be trying her hardest trying to set him up with Austria instead.

America/Iceland: 0/10

Iceland is 16-17.

America/India: 4/10

I think I see potential in this ship. The two are both described as pretty wild characters, with India still being pretty mature. I see America instigating India to act more upon his wild side. But honestly I don't know much about India to actually determine what the nature of their relationship would be like.

America/Indonesia: 6/10

Again, I see potential. I think these two might be cute together, but I can't really get invested in it.

America/Ireland: 7/10

I think America and Ireland would be really close considering the history of Irish immigrants in America. Maybe they could've lived with each other at some point? Considering there were a lot of Irish immigrants to the country back then....

America/Italy: 7/10

It sounds pretty fun! I like both characters, I think a relationship with each other is enjoyable. Dumb + dumb stick together!

America/Japan: 9/10

I think America and Japan have a pretty wholesome relationship, I really like them together. Their dynamic also interests me with it being extrovert x introvert. Also also cultural exchanges between the two are always fun

America/Korea: 0/10

Korea is 15-16

America/Latvia: 0/10

Latvia is 15

America/Liechtenstein: 0/10

Liechtenstein feels too young.

America/Lithuania: 5/10

Ehhh, I think it's fine. Most of the content I've seen of Ameliet falls into the pitfalls of typical yaoi tropes and I can't really get into it. It seems homey though so extra point.

America/Luxembourg: 0/10

Luxembourg is under 18... Apparently? I'm not sure where this age came from but I got it from the wiki.

America/Macau: 4/10

Ehhhh.... I guess it's fine. + Extra points for gambling

America/Malaysia: 5/10

This ship seems fun. Malaysia kun is such a cute character and he would have very funny interactions with America, I like imagining the latter helping him build his confidence.

America/Moldova: 0/10

Bruh

America/Monaco: 0/10

Monaco is under 18.

America/Netherlands: 2/10

I don't know, doesn't seem that interesting to me.

America/New Zealand: 0/10

Feels kind of incestuous but idk

America/Norway: 1/10

It's not bad but I'm not that invested in Norway.

America/Philippines: 0/10

There's a dynamic between them I built in my head that makes it hard to put them in a relationship...

America/Poland: 6/10

Dense Character x Cheeky Character? I wonder how long it'll take for either party to become annoyed.

America/Prussia: 0/10

While I think a ship between two characters with both of their personalities would be cute, it's important to note that Prussia was America's mentor during the American revolution. So it just kinda feels weird tbh....

America/Romania: 3/10

It's fine, I could see how it may interest some people but ultimately I don't really care about it.

America/Romano: 2/10

I think it's fine but explosive tsunderes aren't really my cup of tea anymore, I've grown out of that phase :( a platonic relationship between them would be fun though.

America/Russia: 9/10

OTP!!! Honestly though I've gotten quite bored of it, but I especially like this ship because America and Russia are my favourite characters in Hetalia.

America/Seychelles: 0/10

I think Seychelles is underaged... Idk

America/Singapore: 0/10

Singapore is under 18, I guess.

America/Slovakia: 2/10

I don't think Slovakia is able to be with anyone other than Czechia.

America/Spain: 5/10

It seems interesting! I see potential in it but I can't really bring myself to ship it.

America/Sweden: 1/10

Same as Finland, for some reason Sweden/Finland and America have been depicted in a lot of parental relationships in the fandom. Can't unseen it tbh.

America/Switzerland: 2/10

I think it could be interesting, but I really can't see these two work at all.

America/Taiwan: 0/10

Pretty sure Taiwan's underaged + shipping her with a guy feels wrong.

America/Thailand: 3/10

These two could be interesting together, but ultimately... ?idk

America/Turkey: 3/10

Don't see any romance between them but I think these guys would be pretty epic drinking buddies.

America/Ukraine: 2/10

I'm gonna be tbh guys I don't think Ukraine will be able to handle a manchild like America, then again, I don't think anybody can handle America.

America/Vietnam: 2/10

Idk most of the content I've seen of this ship involves Vietnam War stuff and sometimes it does feel a little messed up but... I do think that if I researched more about it it could be more interesting

[wgc-productions]

The Magnus Archives 1 Angler Fish Liveblog

I have two deep confessions to lay bare here, on this public Tumblr.

1. I didn't like Waiting To Exhale and I think it is a bad movie.

2. I have never listened to The Magnus Archives which is a cardinal sin for me as a person who makes audio dramas. I plan to rectify this here and now! I want to listen to a lot more the seminal audiodramas so I can be a better student of my craft, and by blogging it I'm likely to get other people's input and thoughts which is also super helpful to me as an artist. So, see? Win win.

You can read my liveblogging thoughts below the cut.

00:00- I think the same thing when I listen to WTNV (which is like One Piece in my opinion) but it's also so, not necessarily strange, but particular when shows that you know didn't have ads initially have ads now. It's sort of like being a post-witness to growth. It'd be like finding Egyptian influence on Kush Artifacts. You just know that it looked different and that there had to be such a seismic shift to get to the change you know must have happened, because it doesn't make sense for it to have started in the state that you are currently experiencing.

04:10- Oh! It's one of the "we have a reason we're recording" shows! Those are fun.

04:39- It's nice to have a voice to go with all the Johnathan Sims fanart I've seen.

05:15- I will say when I was living out in LA for a couple of months in college, I did try listening to TMA but I didn't get into it. So, I do vaguely remember this 1st episode plot though that was about 5 years ago (which is crazy to think! Darn you COVID!)

06:40- Well God forbid Martin has some struggles. Please Johnathan where's your compassion?

09:16- I'm glad he knows I am but an American who knows nothing of Edinburgh.

12:18 Johnathan please. You can't just stare at people on the street. What happened to manners.

13:05- Give the man a bum, John. It's the sporting thing to do! Who cares if he's a little different. We all have our addictions.

14:59 Wait! John is reading a case this isn't his behavior. Oh, for shame. I have been slandering his good name. Sorry, Johnathan.

17:20- I'll be honest if I saw some truly bizarre phenomena that just screamed unexplained horror I would not investigate. There is already too much truly horrifying phenom that's hard to explain. I don't need to pursue the horrors. I'm a Black American, the horrors pursue me.

18:58 It's a shame audio dramas typically don't have characters with thick accented brogues. Could you imagine someone with a thick backwoods Irish or Scottish accent doing this. Think of the texture it would ad.

19:00- I know that all of these stories eventually connect so I'm excited to see how they all blend into a cohesive plot.

That's that on that. I'll keep doing these because I want to and I also think it'll be fun to, once I finish TMA, be able to go back and read through and relive the experience.

[ardent-fox]

✨️ Joy List ✨️

Got tagged by the wonderful @metalheadmickey, @look-i-love-u and @deathclassic to create this joy list, thank you my darlings! 🥰

💙 Coming out bi after 20 years of feeling all the feelings. It only happened 3 weeks ago, first here and then to a handful of close people. I grew up and still live in a pretty conservative, close-minded country where saying such a thing could get you in trouble, so having the opportunity to be myself here has been very important to me. Putting a finger on this in this stage of life has been a strange, emotional roller-coaster, but I already feel like a happier, more confident person for finding the balls to ride it.

💙 This place, all of you, the friendships I've made and all the things I got to learn and experience because of them.

💙 The bunny content that Myn @vintagelacerosette shares with me! It's so sweet and thoughtful, especially when life is crazy and I'm not that active here.

💙 Fanart! Fanfics! Gif sets! Headcanons! Having my mind blown by everything on a daily basis cause the boy dolls inspire us all so much is a beautiful thing.

💙 Maintaining a healthier sleep schedule. I'm a person that has to actively keep it going cause it doesn't come naturally to me and being able to experience sunny mornings while in the right state of mind has been amazing.

💙 The job applications I've been sending out. There’s only one I'm really coveting, but no matter what happens it's been great finding decent ads to inspire some daydreams.

💙 Crazy Ex-Girlfriend marathons. I've just finished binging season 1 and the theater buff in me has been living, it's so good!

💙 The fact that my brother and his family will become my neighbors this autumn once they finish renovating the apartment in the building across from ours. Can't wait to have my nephew live so close and have him play in our building's park as he grows up, what a small world.

💙 Our plan to start major renovations on our own home in the summer of 2024. A few things have to line up for that to happen and it's going to be a challenging thing to live through, but the idea of it makes me excited like nothing else.

💙 Going to the movies more often lately and getting tickets to two upcoming local concerts. Hubby and I decided to prioritize experiences over gifts to mark certain occasions and I think it's the best decision we've ever made.

💙 The decision to invest in myself this year and change up my wardrobe and style a little once my financial situation is a bit more stable. I feel that I've neglected this while working from home for 5 years and am ready to introduce Lyds 2.0 to the world.

💙 How happy Jasper the bun has been lately. Just running around, doing binkies and honking his little heart out for no particular reason.

💙 The day getting longer and the mild, winter sun keeping me warm on my walks lately. It feels like spring is around the corner and I couldn't be more glad.

💙 Just hope. After the last few crappy years, I realized I've been afraid to feel it because of all the hardships that kept dashing it. But I'm slowly finding my way back to it as I try my luck out in the world again, and realizing I can restart my life an infinite number of times makes me want to hold on to it with all I have.

That's about it for this time around, I feel like this was an intense joy list and I probably should have journaled some of this shit out instead, but oh well 🙃 I'm a little out of the loop so ignore me if you've done this already, but I'm tagging @look-i-love-u, @celestialmickey, @gallawitchxx, @vintagelacerosette, @heymrspatel, @thisdivorce, @crossmydna, @squidyyy23, @mikhailoisbaby, @auds-and-evens, @sickness-health-all-that-shit, @imikhailotakeyouian, @too-schoolforcool, @tanktopgallavich, @ian-galagher and anyone who sees this and would like to play!

[dustofthedailylife]

Will you...?

Diluc Birthday Special 2022

→ Masterlist

Summary: Diluc invites you over for dinner. Seems like there is something he would like to tell you.

Pairing: Diluc x (gn!)Reader

Warnings: None - just fluff for his birthday! <3

A/N: Waaah, I didn't even intend to write something for his birthday but alas here I am lol. I wrote this in godspeed mode because when I read his birthday letter and saw the birthday fanart earlier it was as if lightning had struck me with inspiration and it just kept coming - now here we are, enjoy! (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*���

"As you may know today is my birthday, I’m not one to celebrate but If you have the time, I’d like to invite you to dinner at the winery tonight.

As for matters that I am unable to say in this letter, I will tell you personally when we meet.

With love,

Diluc Ragnvindr"

A lovedrunk sigh escaped you when you finished reading through the letter the courier had brought to you earlier. You had been together with Diluc for a little while now and from that you knew that he usually greatly disliked it when someone made a fuss out of celebrating his birthday or even did as much as bring him a gift. So being invited for dinner today was something truly special. Even though you had wondered what that last line was implying.

You used every single minute that the day had to offer to prepare for tonight. First, you excitedly picked out the nicest clothes that your wardrobe had to spare before taking a trip to the city to search for a gift for Diluc, even though you knew he wouldn't want anything - but you wouldn't be you if you'd let that stop you from getting him something anyway. You didn’t want it to be anything basic like flowers, chocolates or wine - also because god knows he had enough of the latter himself.

At first you couldn’t find anything worthwhile anywhere until you decided to pay a visit to Mondstadt's souvenir shop and that's where you found precisely what you were looking for. A beautiful silver necklace with a heart pendant cut from crystalcore. You had Marjorie engrave both of your names on the back of it as well. Back at home you carefully wrapped the box it came in with brown parchment paper and decorated it with a red ribbon that you folded intricately around it.

All dressed up, giddy and slightly nervous you were now standing in front of your boyfriend’s home and knocked on the door. You heard quick footsteps approaching the door and assumed Adelinde would open the door as she usually does, but today it was none other than Diluc himself. He was not wearing his coat so you could admire his stature a little more than you were usually able to and at that moment you wanted nothing more than to grab him, pull him closer and feel the touch of his bare arms on your skin.

“Good evening, love. You look gorgeous!” He complimented and his eyes sparkled as he looked at you. 

You slightly blushed and took a step closer to give him a small peck on his lips and ushered a loving “Happy Birthday!”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

When you were standing in the big living room area of the Winery it seemed uncommonly quiet. A big table was set for two with the finest porcelain tableware you had ever seen and a beautiful bouquet and candles were decorating the middle.

“Where are the others?” You turned around to ask.

“The others?”

“Well, you know - Adelinde and everyone who is usually around. It’s so quiet today.”

“I wanted to spend my birthday with you alone. Is that a problem?”

“Not in the slightest! I’ve been in the best mood ever since I got your letter this morning” You beamed. He grabbed your hand and guided you to the table, pulling out the chair for you as you sat down.

“Oh! Before I forget! One more thing!” You exclaimed to which he raised an eyebrow. “Before you scold me, I know you don’t like receiving gifts but no matter how often you will tell me that you don’t want anything, I will get you something nonetheless. So… Happy Birthday.”

With a shy expression you pulled the package which you had carefully wrapped earlier out of your bag and handed it to him. You bit your lip as you watched him unwrap it, pulling out the necklace with a small smile. He twisted the pendant around in between his fingers, until he found the engraving on the back and his smile was suddenly replaced by a frown.

“What? Is something wrong with it? Do you not like it?” You asked with panic welling up in your voice.

“It’s perfect, Darling, but–”

“But?”

“I think the engraving is wrong.”

“No way!” You jumped up from your chair and yanked the necklace out of his hand to look at it yourself but when you turned it around, you found nothing wrong with it. There was an ornate Diluc Ragnvindr engraved on it next to your name, so you looked up at him in confusion.

“Huh, wha–? There is nothing wrong with it!”

“I was under the impression your last name is spelled wrong.”

When you turned it around one more time in your hand you grew even more confused. It was most certainly spelled correctly so you were sure he must’ve read it incorrectly.

When you looked up at him again with question marks and worry written all over your face, Diluc softly shook his head and smiled as he got down on one knee in front of you and pulled out a small box with a breathtakingly beautiful ring inside of it. You momentarily forgot how to breathe and your heart was about to burst out of your chest when he gently grabbed your hand.

“I still believe your last name is spelled wrong, because there is something I had planned to ask you tonight – Will you marry me?”

Thanks so much for reading this short drabble. I'm always open to chat if you wanna drop by my ask box or leave a reply.

If you liked it, I would appreciate reblogs and likes a lot too ♥

Do not repost, copy, translate or edit - © dustofthedailylife

Maple divider is mine - do not copy.

[horsewizardart]

Dare To Be Stupid

I hit 1500 followers on Twitter today and decided to do a little writeup on how drawing ponies has made me feel. The long and short of it is that making inherently silly just-for-fun art like the stuff I’ve been posting has been really freeing for me in a time in my life when I don’t know what my relationship to art is anymore. Thanks to everyone for sharing and enjoying my stuff; seeing it spread around has been really unexpected for me, and I appreciate how nice you’ve all been.

Longer post after the break; I can be very self-reflective a lot of the time so this has been on my mind for awhile.

So here’s the main point: Drawing ponies has restored a lot of the joy that I get from working on projects, after a couple years of having a pretty rough relationship to art. For the majority of my life I have thought that I wanted to have a creative career. However, pursuing that idea has, historically, made me less willing and able to actually be creative. When I focused on this idea, I became self-conscious, scared of what I was or wasn’t making, unwilling to follow threads that I thought would be interesting because of fear of making a bad impression on a future boss I didn’t even really want to have. At some point in 2020, after I graduated college and started working a grueling production art job, I stopped posting new work online and only drew when I felt like I absolutely had to. I was thinking of myself less of a person and more as a potential employee at Future Better Job. I’m still untangling that web in my personal art; I draw nearly every day now, but it still takes a very long time for me to come up with an idea I want to pursue from start to finish outside of fanart. 

Contrast that to pony stuff - earlier this year when I decided I was gonna start posting my pony drawings, it wasn’t in pursuit of anything beyond sharing what I had been making. I've always been hated doing commissions, so there wasn't a financial incentive, and the fact that I'm using a big company's intellectual property means there'd be some Challenges in trying to make anything more out of it than this. The fact that people are interested in my stuff has been an incredible surprise, and has also compelled me to poke my head out a bit and try to make some friends (note that outside of ponies I’ve never been a fandom person, and there’s about a five or six year gap between when I was first interested in ponies and when I got back into it a couple years ago, so I’m still a little new to that part).

It’s also helped me see an alternate path forward, where I can maybe truly separate work from passion. In hindsight this should have been a little more of an obvious thing; I am a certified Jobs Hater who, even at a job I was generally pretty fond of, has spent every minute on the clock wishing the clock would catch fire. Probably makes sense that crossing those two streams would be a tough thing to make work.

This may seem like a lot of fuss over drawings of the famous little ponies holding up video game consoles and drinking Monster but drawing incredibly stupid things (in a good way) has been way more rewarding than I’d have ever expected. It’s helped me find the joy in experimenting and playing around with what I’m making instead of evaluating its potential outcome. It probably didn’t have to be ponies that opened this up for me, but I’m glad that it is. Thanks for being here.

[tiredandangryaboutit]

Hello! I am a random anon but I wanted to leave some positivity and discuss with you since I agree with you. I will leave some anon and I look forward to chatting with you ^^ First, I'm a Ferdibert fan who dislikes Edelgard. So don't worry: there is good company lol Hubert and Ferdinand are my favorite Black Eagles. I resent the concept that one must love Edelgard to be able to ship them. Edelgard is not part of the ship: she's not mandatory to like Ferdibert at all. Her stans are insufferable.

Hi random anon! I'm sorry it took me so long to reply! First of all, I am so glad to hear there's more of us! I could never find the others like me before, and several people told me it was weird that I didn't which felt like gaslighting to me at the time since... well, I was actively searching and not finding anything. I feel like people are a bit more open to it privately but not publicly. I miss my otp, but I've lost all interest in fics and fanart from a cf universe. That being said, if you ever want to ask about my headcanons/au's or share your own, that is why I have my askbox open! I'm glad to have you and thankful that you reached out!

Gosh, I remember they utter chilling silence I got in response when I said I thought she was a better villain than a protagonist previously. I've also seen several stans say that AM goes out of its way to make you hate her. Ironically, most people I hang out with now find AM to be the route she's the most sympathetic in! And I agree with you! She's tragic in AM, but there I could at least see her and be like "you know what, I feel like I understand you and I respect your choices." To me, AM is even, in a bitterweet way, a good end for her because ultimately she chooses her end there. She gets the very clear option of life or death, and she chooses death because to her it is the better alternative (why is another matter. Is she unwilling to surrender? Is she convinced that she will not be able to get her army to stand down? Has she just given up? Either way, death is her choice in that moment)

It really is a shame that I think you're right. I was very very close to liking all of Houses, but with the caveat that CF is to me a villain route that is trying to make you feel like a hero. Y'know, like most villains feel they are. But after three years of discourse, I can't stand the route any more. And it is such a shame too because Fates had, as its whole point, that you need to play all routes to know the truth. And I really liked it when Houses came out that they seemingly went the same way. I like puzzling things together, I like seeing people theorize. And this time, it shot itself in the foot something fierce. And I really really hope they'll learn from it because if they keep going with this formula the FE series is in a bad state.

I do love talkative asks so don't worry about that! And again, I agree with you. When I finished Houses I lauded it as one of my new fav games. I compared it to Path of Radiance, my fav in the series, because of how it gripped me. I thought it was a game that truly got into gray morality when I looked at Rhea, and I loved the tragedy of Ladle character and how she was basically repeating history because she refused to learn the truth of both past and present. And then fandom happened. It is tainted ground now. My roommate even told me not to play the games any more because he saw how it affected me. And it pains me because it didn't have to be this way! It could've been good! It could have been consistent! It could have had Good Routes instead of just A Fav Route And Damn The Rest. It frustrates me to no end. So... I'm really glad you sent all these asks. It made me feel a bit better. Feel free to send me any Ladle-less ferdibert thoughts!

[roseyful]

Mars Red: Edge of the Nightmare - Review

Now, my Tumblr has been a bit quiet lately (been queuing a lot of things so then it wasn’t too quiet during my absence), but it has been for a good reason; last month I was approached [on my private twitter account] and asked if I would be able to playtest a game and write a review, and of course, being someone that enjoys games, especially those that follow an otome style, I had to say YES.

So its proud to say that after a while of playing the game, I finally get to write this review.

Now before I get into the game itself, I would like to take the moment to give appreciation to the team for being so helpful during my time of playtesting the game and before that, as not only would they let us know when there was an issue and the date had to be pushed back, they were so polite and helpful whenever I would run into a problem. That’s something you’d want to see in a gaming company and I’m so glad that my first experience with this company is one with positive results. I personally found no issues with the team themselves, and I do hope they keep this up after the release. Thank you favary for being so lovely and patient with me, and other beta testers.

Mars Red: Edge of The Nightmare was the game that they asked for me to play, however when I originally looked at their website, I couldn’t help but notice that the concept was originally one of a ‘Sound Theatre’, and while I couldn’t figure out what that was, I eventually was lead down a rabbit hole and ended up looking at the other things that Bun-O Fujisawa has worked in. Very interesting stuff, just like the game. However, it’s best to look at his other stuff in your own time.

Please note: I will be keeping this spoiler-free for the sake of letting people go in with no idea of what’s going on besides what I mention and on the website.

Story

The game is set in the early twentieth century in Japan, or better known as the Taisho, in which the website also says ‘[is] influenced by Romanticism’, in which vampires rule the night, as they could only feed off blood and those that stepped into the sun would surely die. Keen senses, incredible physical abilities, and yet they were still vulnerable. You see that very early on with the main character that we play as; Yutsufusa Yuki, a vampire whom became one against his will.

I will be honest, I did not like Yutsufusa when I first started playing, as I felt like he was a bit too willing to die, but that is something that you can overlook when you get further into the story. Yutsufusa is obviously one of the youngest in the group, due to the fact he wears the more ‘modern’ [at the time] clothing out of everyone, well, there is someone else who wears similar clothing but he’s human.

You control Yutsufusa throughout the game, influencing his voices and living his life through his eyes, him acting as the reader insert as you learn about the other characters and begin to grow a bond with them. While the story is a bit slow at first, it does start picking up around the middle-end of chapter 1 and the beginning of chapter 2 after you play the prologue, as you begin to assist “Code Zero” in their work to rid the world of vampires that wish to feast on humans..

Be mindful that there is an anime, however, Yutsufusa does not appear in it, as it focuses on the other main characters, so if you have watched the anime already be sure to remember that they’re either two separate timelines or different points in time. I do not want to confuse anyone with this.

The main cast is quite an interesting bunch, as it covers a wide range of personalities, and sometimes even time periods as you play through the game and unlock things; you might say you might learn a bit of history from it if you end up looking up some of the references I’ve found in the game. This is a great reflection on the idea of ‘immortality, and even has moments where said immortality leans into a few jokes (such as knowledge of birds).

If you’ve played games such as ‘Ikemen Revolution’, you may be familiar with the ticket system. Every day you’re allowed a certain amount of tickets to progress through the story, however, if you run out of tickets and you must read more, then you’re able to progress the story via using ‘amber’, the game’s currency that you can use for different functions. However, this is not needed, as every day your tickets will be replenished. I personally found myself not even needing to use my amber, as I would always wait for the next day. There are mini-stories that you can get if you finish a chapter within a certain amount of time, but I personally don’t find them to progress the story a lot after I read the first one I got. Then again I had other things to occupy my time while I wanted as well. If you wish to reread chapters, you get a bonus third option of currency; coins. Coins can be used to reread chapters in the place of amber or tickets, which means that you can grind out coins via the exploration option in order to see more options (looked at a bit later).

I personally found the story to be engaging, between the use of minigames (or investigations, covered a bit later), it broke up the reading with fun activities that progressed the story.

Is the game an Otome?

No! I was shocked as well when I saw the all-male cast since I was wondering if I was playing a boys love game, but in the end, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that this is actually a detective game. While it may carry the usual look of an otome, with the story and choices of how you speak influencing the endings of chapters, the game more feels like one of finding new friends and solving kick-ass investigations than finding romance. It’s refreshing.

This is especially true between the minigames in which helps influence the story that is all very unique in their own way and do not seem repetitive once you get into the flow of how they work.

Minigames

The minigames come forward in two forms; investigation, interrogation, and infer. Investigation sounds exactly how you’d expect, as you have to poke around and look at things, which you can review in a little notebook that sits in the top right of your screen in the case you need to review what you’ve looked at. When I was first launched into this section for the first time, I had a little trouble remembering exactly what I needed to look at (as I was given a set of things to tap), however, I do have to thank the team for thinking ahead and adding the option to be able to watch ads in order to see what you need to do. This was one of the two times I’d have to watch ads, as they don’t shove them in your face every few seconds like most mobile games do which is rather nice. Sometimes you gain information or items that you have to use later, so it’s a good idea to keep track of what you look at.

Interrogation acts as a question-based information gathering, in which you talk to NPCs in order to gather information to use in the investigation. Like Investigation, these points are put into your notebook for later.

Infer takes the first two investigation segments and combines the information, as you now get interrogated by one of the main characters, and you must respond back with the proper information in order to make sure that this segment is successful. You are able to read back on the notes from the other segments at this point by pressing the button with the book icon in the upper right corner, as this aids you in selecting the right answers. When I first came to this section, I did feel under pressure due to it, but it was interesting to see the negative answers from the character if I got it wrong.

Exploration is another part of the game, that while outside the story, there are parts that require a certain amount of story points in order to clear ‘point blocks’. This is where you get the coins from and frankly is good to use once you have finished using all your tickets for the day and want to use the rest of the time to grind coins. During the exploration, you set up 2 characters, a place, and a set [in real life] time of how long you want them to be out and about. Depending on the number of points earned, you may earn something called a ‘mummer’, which reveals more about the characters you chose to send out, and even get dialogue of the characters interactions (which can be pretty funny in itself) that shows the dynamic of the two characters- are they friends? Are things tense? You get to learn more by sending them out together.

Artstyle

As an artist, I was incredibly pleased with the art of the game, as the characters do not look the game, there are different body types and ages (from teen to elder), you never had to look at the same face twice for two characters. I will be honest, I do wish the characters were a bit more ‘animated’ with their expressions (such as body movement when they’re feeling certain emotions), however other than that, the sprites are magnificent.

The backgrounds are also really interesting to look at and even tell so much story before you even start investigating within the investigation sections. The design team also needs props, because while a few characters are wearing similar outfits, they’re all wearing them in different ways which shows their character and even the way they probably fight. Though I will say I am a bit biased towards Takeuchi, then again, I really enjoy fun and loud characters in general, and his hair is interesting in a sea of mostly black, purple, silver or blonde hair. Maybe will make a fanart of him in the future if I learn to draw his eyepiece. (on that note, please release the full sprites for us artists to reference, we’d love you eternally for it haha).

Oh no, it’s a-

Yes, its a bit of a gacha game, however, you do not need to actually play the gachas in order to progress through the game; it mostly just unlocks bits of story for those that want to have extra stories, or just want that extra dose of dopamine (haha, me). As someone who plays gacha games ever since they turned 13, I was glad that this game isn’t actually gacha centric, and thus is very free-to-play friendly due to this.

Who would I recommend this for and would I recommend it myself?

Personally, I think this is a game that suits the niche of those that enjoy a good mystery and even play those ‘find an item’ games, mixed in with those that enjoy reading otomes and history. Maybe even someone that enjoys theatre since there’s a character that does theatre. Would I personally recommend it? Yes, I would. The game is very interesting and engaging, the staff behind the game are so lovely.

Once more, here’s the game’s website link ❤️: https://marsred-game.net/en/

[postalninja]

Fic Writer Meme

I saw @cicaklah post this and wanted to try :) 1) How many works do you have on AO3? 

17 currently - 14 fics, 2 pieces of fanart, and 1 how-to guide thingie. I’ve been writing/posting for less than a year and a half, though, so there’s much more to come!

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

196 767.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

6 for fics, 7 if you count fanart. They are mostly for video games, ‘cuz that’s how I roll:

- Octopath Traveler

- Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

- Legend of Zelda

- Persona 5

- Chrono Trigger (fanart)

And two non-game fandoms:

- Violet Evergarden

- Drawfee RPF

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1- Adrift in the Ocean of her Eyes by a large margin. My first and only fic to surpass 100 kudos as of yet! I almost didn’t finish it after I kind of stalled on it and was unsure whether it would be redundant in the fandom, but I’m so glad I did because people seem to love it.

2- A World of Knowledge Awaits, which as a crossover appealing to two fandoms, doesn’t come as too much of a surprise.

3- Sins of the Father, which I put a ton of work into, and I’m so glad it resonated with people.

4- Someone Strong, my very first baby fic! My initial foray into fanfic writing, spurred on entirely by the fact that my OTP was exceedingly underrepresented, if not entirely absent, from the Octopath Traveler fandom. I am a one-person H’annberic cheerleading squad, and I will *never* put these pompoms down! (FYI, I typoed ‘squard’ instead of ‘squad’ at first and almost left it that way. Squaaard!!)

5- A Cleric’s Quandary, based on a completely silly idea, so it was really fun to write!

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do, indeed! I love getting comments, and I always want to at least acknowledge them even if I don’t have anything profound to say in return. But if someone replies back to my reply, then I may not always add more if the conversation feels complete, ya know?

6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Ooooh, definitely What the Heart Wants. (Spoilers ahead) The reader is left unsure about whether or not the protagonist survives.

7) What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Probably Someone Strong, because it was my chance to write the story of H’aanit and Olberic’s relationship, and I wanted to give them the whole happy ending of a wedding and a baby on the way. Of course, it wasn’t the *ending* of their story, per se, given that I have a whole series of fics about them, and I’m not done yet!

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've written?

Only one so far, so it is by definition the craziest. Persona 5/Octopath Traveler, which isn’t even that crazy considering that it’s canon in Persona 5 that characters can enter an alternate universe using an app on their phone, so....

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I am lucky not to have received any hate, which I am very grateful for, but then again, I haven’t been at this for all that long, and I don’t get huge views either. So I am quite happy in my little corner being ignored by the haters.

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Why yes, I do! Why else would I write about the characters I love, if not to make them bone? lol.

I’ve only written M/F smut, since that’s what I’m most comfortable writing, and it’s rarely *super duper* explicit - I’ll use a fair few euphemisms a lot of the time. The more smut I write, though, the more I worry that it’s all the same... might need to start taking more risks! 

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, but that would suck.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, not to my knowledge, but that would be awesome!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Kiiiiind of? Years ago, my D&D party started an email RPing campaign that was sort of like writing a fic together, but it stalled at some point and is long since lost to time.

My partner and I also wrote the beginnings of an original story together (also started as an attempted RPing campaign) and some day I might want to work on that one some more, because I liked what we came up with.

14) What's your all time favourite ship?

Olberic Eisenberg, the Unbending Blade of Hornburg, and H’aanit, huntress of the Dark Wood. I have never been so enamored of a fictional pairing, and this is literally what has thrust me into getting involved in fandom instead of just quietly enjoying content by myself. LET ME YELL AT YOU ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM! If I had to pick a runner-up, I’d say the Evil Queen/Robin Hood from Once Upon a Time. I will read anything @somewhereapart writes about those two for as long as she keeps writing.

Another, more recent favorite, is definitely Agent 47/Diana Burnwood from Hitman! I only discovered the Hitman games this year, but I love that pairing to bits.

15) What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I do intend to finish all of my current WIPs, of which I have... 4? 5 if you count the one that’s currently being beta-read. I guess the one I’m struggling with the most is an Octopath H’aanberic family-fic with the working title of Journey to Cobbleston. Olberic and H’aanit are taking their daughter B’renit to Cobbleston for the first time, and it doesn’t really have much more plot than that, so I’m finding it challenging. It’s just a cute story partially from the point of view of a four-year-old traveling for the first time, and it feels like not enough “interesting” stuff is going to happen. I struggle with pure fluff, y’all.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Grammar! And writing emotions - I’ve gotten enough comments from people telling me that they could feel my characters’ emotions in my writing for me to gather that I must have a knack for it.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

Pacing and plot/worldbuilding, ie. bigger picture stuff. And using too many clichés, probably.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?  

I’ve only written in English so far, but it’s not my first language, so I would definitely not shy away from writing dialogue in French if it was called for. Otherwise, since I am a *huge* language nerd, I would likely give other languages a try if the story called for it, and get a native speaker beta to look over it for me before I posted.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for? 

Octopath Traveler, as previously stated. It’s still my main fandom.

20) What's your favourite fic you've written?

I have a soft spot for The Measure of a Man. I just really liked what I was able to accomplish with it as a character study for Olberic, and I enjoyed incorporating a lot of the other canon characters into his story, too. Feel free to join in with your own answers, friends! :)

[sagemoderocklee]

2020 has been a weird fucking year, to put it mildly. There have been a lot of ups and downs, and with New Year’s Eve and the start of 2021 upon us, focusing on the ~positive~ seemed like a better way to end the year, and hopefully start 2021 feeling inspired and proud for overcoming this horrendous year.

For many people, it was difficult--even impossible--to get anything done this year (myself included), and that’s okay! But if you were able to make progress on writing projects, even if it was just one or even if it was just part of one, you should celebrate that! I wish I’d thought of this sooner and organized it better, but regardless I wanted to celebrate my own accomplishments with regards to my writing, and encourage others to do the same! I was going to tag people, but I’m not sure with it being 2 hours til midnight for me if that would feel like putting too much pressure on others, so if you want to do this too please do!

This wrap up is honestly just a self-indulgent look back on the works I’ve made and what I learned/gained from each, maybe what I don’t like about them, some totaling on what I did, and some resolutions for the next year. It’s silly, but I think it’s kinda fun and if you missed any of the things I have posted this year, you’ll find them here!

2020 Fic Wrap Up:

Kado: Parts II+III (COMPLETED)

Kado was started in September of 2019 for the @puregaalee​ summer event. This was a last minute thing that I started the day the prompt was due and managed to write the first part in about 6 hours while sitting in a cafe--remember that? Sitting in cafes? Man, I miss that. I hadn’t anticipated working on Kado, but I decided that I was going to finish it this year, and I’m honestly amazed that I did. This fic is sweet and fun, and surprisingly popular, though it isn’t my favorite of my works. However, it is a light, fluffy little romcom modern AU, and I learned a lot with it because despite my struggles with modern AUs and their horrible lack of political intrigue, this fic forced me to work within set parameters. I was only writing a 3 part story, and each part could only be 9 scenes long. For those unfamiliar, kado is another term for Ikebana, and in Ikebana there are specific elements to follow. Certain styles will only use three branches, some will use nine. So my goal was for the structural elements of the fic to mimic Ikebana. In doing this, I was able to do something I don’t usually do, which is keep this story more concise.

I’m still not sure how I personally feel about the ending, but I think endings are always a struggle, especially with something like this.

Gate of Dreaming (COMPLETED) 

This is a fic that I started last year, then left to sit untouched with only 2k words. Getting back into it was a bit difficult because I was writing something very different from my usual: stream of consciousness. This fic was very experimental for me not only because of the stream of consciousness, but also because of the changing tenses. This was another exercise--unexpected though it was--in brevity. With this particular story, it couldn’t be dragged on and on, because--despite the 100 year time span--the events take place within the Infinite Tsukuyomi. This was also the first time I’d worked from Lee’s PoV in quite some time, so that was fun because I do enjoy writing him, but usually write from Gaara’s PoV. This is definitely one of my favorites from this year, and since it had been sitting on the back burner for so long, I’m so excited that I could finally get it done.

Another one where the ending really wasn’t easy to achieve, but I did end up liking it more than I expected, and I think the best thing is that it’s open-ended which leaves room for others to guess at what the future holds.

It Eats Your Heart (WIP)

This was an unexpected fic for me in every way imaginable. Starting another fic? Making another modern AU? Tackling the horror genre? None of those were things I’d planned to do this year, but lo and behold, that’s just what I did. I really enjoy a good bit of horror, but it is NOT an easy genre to work within, and this fic has definitely been a push for me. But with it being such a push, the payoff is far more. Stepping out of my comfort zone is something I like doing, but I think this is the biggest step outside of that and I am so incredibly proud of how that first chapter turned out because of it. I was really able to surprise myself with this fic, and I am hoping to update the next chapter early on in the year.

Absolution (WIP)

This fic is probably the second oldest idea/longest unpublished fic I currently have up. Formerly a much longer title, the idea for this fic came to me in May of 2017 when a friend, @brianadoesotherjunk / @brianadoesart, posted a piece of GaaLee fanart that sparked inspiration. The fic took off, morphed into something much bigger than the one scene depicted by the art, and now 3 years later, the first part is up. Initially, this was meant to be a long shot, but after sitting with this for so long, I realized that I needed to split it up into 9 parts, which allowed me to use this for GaaLee bingo and finally publish it. Much of the first part was already written before this year, but I’d been quite stuck on it until now. This is actually probably one of my favorite GaaLee concepts to date. I remember back in the day, there weren’t a lot of different takes on getting Lee to Suna so he and Gaara could fall in love, so (at the risk of sounding cocky) I think that Lee as a nanny is rather inspired. I think with this fic, I pushed myself the hardest to get past the hurdle of writer’s block and accepted that publishing is probably the best way to motivate myself to keep going. The feedback for this fic has been really motivating, so I think I’m probably right about that.

I do think there are some parts in the middle or towards the end that could maybe use some tightening up, but I’m just happy to finally have this fic out in the world.

The Art of Love: Chapter 11 (WIP)

TAoL is such a ridiculous labor of love. The chapters for this fic are novellas in and of themselves, so each time I update it takes a lot of work to get them out. This fic is one of those like magnum opus type fics. I have put so much into it, and I’m honestly amazed that it’s only been up for 3 years because I’m approaching the halfway mark on it, and I don’t think I expected to be there by now. Despite being able to churn out 30k chapters, I have a hard time focusing on one thing and I often struggle with mental health related writer’s block, so big works are always sort of sporadic in their updates. 

This particular update of TAoL was definitely one of my favorites though. Initially, I didn’t plan to go the sort of dark fantasy rout that I did with Shikamaru, but I actually really love what I’ve done with him, though I worry others won’t be as into it or that the execution isn’t quite there. One thing I would like to work on with future chapters of TAoL, however, is maybe pairing things down a bit--though I’m not sure that’ll always be possible. The next chapter is a Naruto PoV chapter, though, so I expect that one to be a MUCH shorter chapter than the last three and should be able to get it out sometime next year.

Before I could publish this chapter, however, I did go through and make some big changes, which is something I often struggle with because of such long breaks in between working on certain projects. I will say, though, that TAoL continues to push me to greater heights as a writer, and I look forward to actually finishing this fic someday.

Thirteen Strokes: 1 + 2 (WIP)

Another unexpected fic this year, however, this one was actually an idea for about a year, unlike IEYH. This fic has really given me a lot of perspective on my own writing and world building, and has inspired me to sit down and really start committing the things I’ve developed to paper to create a cohesive view of Suna, Wind, and the shinobi world. This fic is meant to be a Romance. Like just full on Romance. I write a lot of tragedy and focus on a lot of darker themes in my writing, so while I don’t think of this as stepping outside of my comfort zone, it is very different from my usual, and a really nice change of pace. I think, in all honesty, it is one of my best works, and I do hope I can continue to deliver on the remaining 11 parts of this story.

if this were the last i felt you breathing (COMPLETED)

Ugh. This fic has been my enemy for 2 long years. I signed up for a Secret Santa exchange, and of course, I regretted doing it when I found that I was not motivated and, after the month of October where I was churning out fic after fic for GaaLee Bingo, that I was massively burned out. I wasn’t able to think past writer’s block, and so I ended up settling on dusting off an old, unfinished piece for my giftee, and I hope they can forgive me for not coming up with something brand new for them.

This fic was a struggle. Working so closely with the canon--following the Rescue Kazekage Arc as closely as I did for this fic--made this a much bigger challenge and this fic sat and sat and sat for two years, untouched and incomplete. I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I know it’s not my best work, but I am glad that this fic isn’t hanging over my head and that I was able to deliver something to my secret santa giftee.

My goal with this fic was to rewrite this particular arc from Lee’s PoV to give more depth to the arc and shift the emotional core of it away from Naruto. Naruto as a character has a lot of flaws that never get addressed, and one of the things that is consistently frustrating for me is the way the emotional core of the series rests on him in unrealistic and often superficial ways. Naruto hasn’t spoken to Gaara in three years, but I’m supposed to believe he’s this affected by Gaara’s kidnapping? Temari and Kankuro are right there! Lee is right there! I wanted to see that, so that’s what I set out to do, and ultimately I don’t think I fully succeeded, but I tried. I guess not everything can be a resounding success

---

This year I managed to do a lot more than I realized. New works, updates, and COMPLETED pieces?! I never would have thought, but staying home gave me more free time, and when I was too broke to work on costumes, writing fanfiction was something free I could do.

Total new works: 5 Total updates: 9 Total completed works: 3 Total words this year: 143,587

---

I have a lot of goals for the coming year, and I know I won’t make all of them, but that won’t stop me from trying.

2021 Writing Resolutions:

Reach 1million words (+238,073 words)

Finish IEYH

Finish Pearl-Filled Lungs

Update TAoL (Chapter 12 and 13)

Update Absolution

Update 13S

Update Find Me (Chapter 6)

Start the Ballad of the Dragon and the Phoenix

Start editing Alliance

Return to working on Honor Bound

Return to working on We Need Not Be Yellow Tulips

[ganondoodle]

I recently just found your art (im loving and drowning in all of it)

Wanted to ask have you ever thought about the seal in which demise was kept in durring SS. I been replaying it and kind of thinking about, well, if Hylia created the seal, she made that sealscape/spiritprison(?) a very peaceful environment. Calming clear skys reflected in still waters. This only changes once the battle w Demise starts (makes me think the space is just very reflective/responsive of prisoners mind/emotions)

Anyhow! If Hylia was the one to make the seal what do you think she had in mind, how she was feeling ? W ur ship art of them in mind, I kinda get mercy vibes despite what she'd eventually have to do to him, but not wanting to put him through anymore pain? A sad goodbye moment. A sort of final resting place, maybe this space was an origin point of their first encounter w one another and its a recreationof it? Id love to see your ideas/character feels interpretations. Also sorry if this was asked or talked about previously im v new here ;v;

that is a very interesting thought, and not far actually from my plan for “destiny”, im really glad people seem to enjoy my art, even when its shippy or not fanart at all :D tho i am not sure how to answer this since, well, its a bit difficult, even knowing how everything in the story will go, i cant decide really. is it an intentionally “nice” place for a prison ? is in reality much more of a torture having to be there all alone ? was he even conscious in it ? was his very being scattered into a thousand pieces within it ? was he even able to feel any pain ? or was he in constant pain trying to recollect himself ? how does one know what happens to someone that gets sealed ? it always seems like whenever someone is sealed, they come back more ful of anger and hatred ? in what kind of hell does one get send when they get sealed away ? it might seem silly thinking so much about a game and its lore but i cant help it, i always wonder what must have happened to make the villains a villain ? people arent born evil ... and i just cant accept the answer of someone just “being” evil without an explanation ?? well im writing a story about that. in some part at least, i know its taking me a long time but this fancomic has taken me a lot of thought and work already even if you haven seen much of it yet, i will both explore the relationship between hylia demise and others, but a big part will be demises origin, i really hope you guys are going to like it sinceim very invested into everything SO i am not sure how much you know so ill talk a bit about the end of “destiny”, so SPOILERS FOR DESTINY AHEAD: i had made a post about demises origin/backstory a while back, crudely summarized bc i just typed it out to remember it properly, im not sure if you have seen it but it shouldnt be too far back somewhere on my blog if you want to take a look, tho things will still change, its base will stay the same, im leaving out pretty the whole story, so maybe, i hope, you will still be interested in reading it once i get it all drawn out, or maybe not, im not the one to decide that .. ANYWAY at the end of it, hylia will be ordered one last time to finally do her duty and seal demise away, she will try to talk to her gods that there is another way to solve everything, but they will not listen. hylia then refuses to do as she was ordered, even tho demise had warned her not to do that and that she instead should just go and kill him; if hes dead he at least wont have to get to know whatever happens to someone that gets sealed, hed much prefer never finding out; but she is too determined to give up the thought of another possibillity and thus the gods have to take things into their own hands and take control over her, forcing her to watch as her body acts on their will and not hers anymore. there will be a brief moment where demise gets to free her of them, since in that last fight hes much less fighting for his own survival, which he knows is impossible, but for hylia not to die from being in the gods control for too long. besides, he very much wants to fight the gods themselves, but he wants to do that with only him involved and them, and not someone else; thus he regains his previous, pure form from back when he was just like her, only for a short moment tho and in the end he will be sealed away by the gods acting through hylia. while she dies after the deed is done, hes sealed away yes, but although shattered, not quite dead yet, and his hatred towards the gods will burn much stronger now than it ever had before, not just because of what they did to him and his world but to her now as well.

WELL THEN that was alot and probably not even a glimpse as interesting as i hope it will be in the finished comic, with all the context in all regards.  i apologize for the length of this, and this possibly unwated and uninteresting spoiler part about this damn story that i cant get out of my head anymore. (also for .. the typos .. im writing this at 1am and it took me like an hour bc i just didnt know how to write it out) sorry, i just care alot about this.... too much probablyヾ(*′○`)ﾟ.+:｡ﾟ☆

[colour-outside-the-liness]

First of all!! Loved the MoU fic update! left you a comment on AO3 and all. 10/10 ratings haha.

Secondly, moving countries is great you should try if you ever get a chance. I've always wanted to do that and jumped in on the first opportunity I got to make that dream come true, and I recgozine how lucky I am to be able to do so. It's definitely not easy but I'd do it again if I could (in true sag fashion 😎 haha). Where would you want to live? You ever been outside the UK?

Hahaha you and I in a team would be a nightmare to play against I think. Oh come on you absolutely do not deserve people questioning your intelligence! I like to play dumb in addition to the taunting so people underestimate me, they never see it coming when I win. They never see the cheating coming either, my friends are always shocked when they find out, but I do it almost every single time! 😂 I'm competitive too but I like to play it cool especially If I lose I'll be like "it's just a game calm down yall" but if I win I'm like "in your face losers!" (very mature I know).

I love your drunken story, though does sound like it was very dangerous so I'm glad nothing bad happened to you two! Ah I love yalls nordern accent (me and everyone in this fandom 😂) haha your friend's sense of humor is golden.👌 I'm glad you enjoyed my worst drunken experience, that was the last time I did something like that, I felt bad bc my best friend had to take care of me the whole night and you're right she should've told me it was just a rock! Lucky you you didn't get a hangover the day after, I certainly regretted drinking too much that night however fun it might have been haha.

Like I said before your niece is a really cool kid haha I'm glad you have someone to talk to about Bly Manor, don't know anyone who watches the show and my friends don't like scary stuff so I have to talk to myself about it 😂 and now you! Thank you for entertaining me ;) and I only watch the parts I really like now, I'm tired of crying every time I watch the whole show haha.

Do you do random accents really badly like Dani too? 😂 it is kinda funny your mom said it like that yeah hahaha maybe she just meant the good bits? And I mean, do you think you need help? Lol

I have a sneak peek of that damie fanart here, don't think I'll ever finish it tho. I want to do a medieval AU inspired fanart. Maybe it will also inspire someone to pick up the idea and write it haha.

How's your weekend been so far? My neighbor is making me watch Grey's Anatomy season (???) 500 idk but I wish I was reading that pirate AU instead 😂

Awwh thank you so much!! I will get around to replying to the comment on AO3 tomorrow when I reply to the others I've had a very busy day today though so haven't even had chance to read any comments yet but thank you so much for giving it a 10/10!! I wanna do it as soon as I get chance but I know it's gonna be hard and that I am gonna need a bit more money behind me first but I definitely wanna do it when I can... yeah I've been out of the UK twice- one time I went to France for the weekend when I was doing my A Levels and was like 17 the college I was studying at took some of the art kids and since I was doing a photography A Level I got to go and then a couple of years ago I went to LA for a few weeks which was great but I've never been out of the UK for longer than that!! A nightmare for everyone else but it would be hilarious for us I just know it would haha... I sometimes do I have said some dumb things, I actually used one of my dumber moments as a funny little story in one of my fics- people still laugh at me now for what I said and it's been 10 years... my roommate will not let me live it down!! See surprising people that way is always brilliant like when people just expect you to lose and then you win? That's the best kind of win in my eyes!! I don't cheat at games I am just ridiculously competitive and can't stand losing unless it's something like a video game I am okay with losing those but board games I can't stand losing and I am also a terrible winner my roommate won't play games with me anymore!! I can't say anything about anyone being that kind of a winner because I know I am and one of my sister's is terrible too we literally make a song and dance over winning Oh it was so dangerous and we were so dumb to do it like anything could've happened and we both sit and look back at that and go "man we were dumb" but I also sit and go "oh my god she's gonna be a mum in like 4 months" because we've done some crazy / stupid stuff!! My roommate is without a doubt one of the funniest people I have ever met and she's not afraid to tell it how it is... I'll admit because I have a Northern accent Jamie is like the only character on Bly Manor to not have an accent to me so when I hear people talking about her accent I'm always a little like "what?" Because to me that's just how people talk around here haha I did enjoy your drunken story and honestly we've all been there I have had to be taken care of on more than one occasion for being too drunk like to the point of people having to help me into my pyjamas and everything I've been in some bad ways haha!! She should've definitely told you it was just a rock and not a turtle!! Yeah I've only had one hangover and that was after a night of drinking where I blacked out and don't remember any of the night!! Yeah the night of the drinking is always fun- the hangover isn't though and often makes you wonder if it was worth it haha She's so cool like genuinely just a cool and funny kid and she just asks all the questions about shows she's watched so with me its Bly Manor with her mum and dad it's Stranger Things she asked me about it once but I had to tell her I'd never watched it she didn't seem impressed but yeah I'll talk to her about Bly Manor any day of the week- and you too now honestly I will talk about it to anyone that will listen... I can't not watch it all if I watch it because there's just so much about it that I love even if it makes me cry... episodes 4,6, and 8 are my favourites though and are probably the ones I have watched the most!! Yeah I do random accents all the time and they're always terrible but I always find myself really funny- I had this friend at Uni that had a slight southern English accent because he had spent most of his childhood there before moving up north and he still said certain words in a southern accent and I used to do his accent all the time but it was always terrible!! Oh yeah my mum is pretty blunt with stuff like she'll say things sometimes without thinking about how it sounds that or she just doesn't care like she's said

somethings haha I am sure she did mean the Dani thing in a nice way though because she said she liked her- Dani and Owen were her favourites and I mean some help for me wouldn't be a terrible thing I'll admit haha That fan art is incredible!! Like seriously amazing!! I would love to see some medieval fan art for Damie!! I have been sent a few medieval prompts for Damie and I have started writing some of them but it's taking time to actually get full chapters together but once I have and once I have more time from wrapping up other WIPs I'll make a start on editing and uploading those because medieval stuff is always great!! It's been good thank so far today I went to a little beach town with my mum, 2 of my sisters their partners and two of my nieces (my cool niece was one of them… not that my other niece isn’t cool but you know what I mean) and me, my two brother in laws, and my nieces all played a game of crazy golf while my mum and sisters went to a cafe and had cups of tea... they didn't wanna play with us but we still had fun while we played (I came second which I was very happy with)!! I hope you enjoy Grey's Anatomy and that you get chance to read the pirate AU soon!! It's soo good!! ☺️

[blade-king-luze]

30 Followers!!

OOC: Wow wait for a moment ... 30 followers? AAH Sorry, moments like these give me happy moments kj;asldfkh QQ

Even if the numbers are small, 30 actually means a lot especially for this character. I have never thought I would reach this many for Luze. He’s SO underrated and literally not well known! And the amount of followers I get for him just makes me a bit gushy. I know, weird ... But I do appreciate it! <3 Thank you all so much for the Asks, too! I never thought I would receive so many!  I will put a border down below just because I also want to say something more to you guys if you don’t mind. But for those who just wanted to see a few words,  I can’t express my gratitiude to you all still active, especially in the Uraboku Community!

I will do my upmost ability to bring you more Luze and some of Luka content!

Notes to Navigate my Page:  Hello, newcomers! 

I just want to leave a note here just in case people are lost or don’t know where to even look. Next to his icon image, there is a Navigation tool. 

Luze Crosszeria and Gale Spider (Mun) Hey it’s me and Luze Crosszeria! If you want to read more about Luze, here is his page along with my Mun page. Now you know who is behind this blog.

Fortress Gallery (Art by Mun), #Gale Spider As you can tell, the title says it all. This is all the art I have done about Luze only. So feel free to check it out! 

Undocumented Files, #Unheard Words This section is all the stories/fanfiction I typed that involve around Luze Crosszeria or Other’s perspectives that involve Luze. There are also little messages like this one as well. Some characters are present to make his stories more compelling and shows how I think he would react to different settings and events depending on who he is with or what has happen. It makes me bring out his personality more and I still hope that I can convey it properly through these stories!  Terminology for Luze can be seen here

Aesthetics, #In the Mind of the King A fun little section that revolves around looking what’s inside Luze’s mind from what he has seen, or what his thoughts are like. Some may be cherishable to him, some may be traumatic from his experience. Whatever it may be, feel free to look through from his past, present sightings, thoughts, or possessions. 

Fragments, #Fragments of the Past This section involves his actual appearance in both the Anime and Manga.  Kind of a dead section considering I have found most images or GIFs that consists of Luze. There are some I made to bring out more of his appearance. I might just compile more images if I can from what they have. All rights clearly belong to the creators of Uraboku/Betrayal Knows My Name.

Letters from Others, #Answered Letters A page dedicated to the Asks I received from Anons or other bloggers. There are some Character Memes located here too. I am legit surprised from the amount of Asks I got from you all though. I would have thought I would just do little by little, once in a blue moon, but it’s a good amount nonetheless! Thank you all so much for letting me at least bring him out more QQ.  Feel free to drop any Asks or Comments (or written letters in this case) to him!

Hashtags:

Honestly, this layout took me awhile to get used to. I am not so knowledgeable nor creative with Tumblr at all and still learning as I go!  If you want to look for specific hashtags, click on the ellipsis right above the post.  There are specific Hashtags that follow the links above, or other characters if you want to look at that corresponds with Luze. I will add more if there are more characters.

#Forsaken Twin = Luka Crosszeria #Dearest Leader = Reiga Giou (Kanata Wakamiya) #Precious Light = Yuki Giou (The Light) #Zweilt Guardians (TBA) = The Zweilts #Little Companion = Sodom #Lord of All = Lucifer  #Reiga’s Affiliation = Cadenza, Elegy

#Otherworldly Beings = Crossovers

I wanted to say that I am glad that I had the opportunity to open this blog for him just for the fun of it. But it’s becoming something on the side that I also enjoy doing once in awhile every time I hop on Tumblr.

I used to be into FFXIV content but that crave got waaay too over the top for me as I see everyone I played with kind of is ... Over-the-top-hyped, especially on Twitter. It honestly killed my mood to the point where I had to step away from the “Craziness” by a large margin and enjoy it my own way.  And from Twitter, mind you.

But it wasn’t until Luze Crosszeria came across. He made me realized, I could do my own thing. I don’t need to be caught up with everyone.  Just go on your own pace. Do what you love, and don’t follow the trend but your own different path. Dare to be different rather than be the same.

I felt pressured to be caught up with everyone in FFXIV because I had raid and many artists did so much crossovers with their own characters with other trending games coming out. Honestly, I did that for awhile. But whenever I tried to, I just never feel any opportunity to finish or start it. It’s just something about drawing FFXIV characters that get to me. I don’t know what it is, but I would only draw my Au Ra, Krowell Raggs because he was already based off of another character, Ayanami from 07 Ghost. Maybe I am not original enough.

Maybe I am just a sucker for other existing characters that look compelling or have so many relatable aspects towards my life situations. If they don’t have that much background information, it’s always fun to find hints or other canon/non canon things about them. Maybe even go deeper onto how they will react or progress through situations. It began with Ayanami from 07 Ghost, where I would do so much fanart of him because of that relation and his story was tragic even though it wasn’t strongly brought out. But you can tell from his emotions, how he reacts to other people, and how he became to be. I was conflicted of doing FFXIV and 07 Ghost art at the same time. However, as I said, Luze was introduced in my imaginations/stories and he completely removed my thoughts of raiding, being caught up, and backing away from something I really never put my mind into. 

And I am very grateful for him persuading me to. Even though this seems like an internal thought thing, and he may be a fictional character, but I always look back to where I first discovered him and think, “Man. Luze was the one who started it all: Stop raiding to have my own downtime. Draw what you want and NEVER feel forced to. Focus on your own interests and play other games that you love rather than where everyone is at times.” Trust me on the last bit. I still need to get through Othercide.

Anyway,  I know I have said this many times but I don’t know what else to do to express my gratitude.  Thank you so very much for following this blog!  It truly means a lot that I am able to bring this little known character to life. Would I use different web formats to bring him out more? Who knows! Still considering if I should relocate my stories to different writing sites!

In the mean time, I will try my best to keep up Luze here for you all.  And for those who are Luka fans, I will also try my best to let that happen! Love you all! And remember, to love each other! <3

[lightwormlol]

ACOFAS REVIEW -INC SPOILERS

4.5 stars.

Okay, so! This was the first book I was able to finish in 2021. I've kinda been in a reading slump, and struggling to get past the 30-50% of books. I think its because I took essentially 3 months off my normal (daily) reading schedule and have been prioritising other things (health, fitness, job applications etc) - I think it's a testament to how addicted I was to this that I finished and consumed this at the rate I did! I recently went back and added some things to my ACOWAR review. To briefly summarise, I feel that, at the time I read it, it kind of gave me what I needed, but it definitely isn't getting a re read - my love for feysand has definitely lessened over time, but honestly i'm not that mad at sarah for this, as I find that whenever I've passed the sexual tension part of relationships in books, I tend to get bored of the domestic bliss. Like, leave that shit for an epilogue and keep it at that? As someone generally averse to relationships, but there is definitely a grace period for how long I can actively be smitten with a couple... before it becomes sickly. Taking all this into account, I honestly was nervous for this book, its release date totally took me by surprise, and I read it on a whim. As a Nessian shipper (I mean we didn't really have a choice after acomaf but to delve into the world of fanfic to keep us going) - this book gave me most of what I wanted and needed from them! I think,(some) kudos to SJM, for not disappointing in their relationship. This was definitely a character > plot driven story. In terms of the plot, I wasn't really invested until around the 38% mark? I'm not sure if I was adjusting to the writing style (lots of dramatic. sentences. that. are. so. abrupt. Nesta Archeron. Death etc) - or if it was bc I hadn't read an SJM book since the novella, which I basically skimmed. I was obviously reading for Nessian, but I didn't really feel intrigued by the wider plot (death gods, the human queens? Given I had lost my previous obsession with the world/ have outgrown 'fandom' culture, that made me actively update my knowledge, I couldn't remember a lot!) I think its clear that SJM excels character driven stories, but I think her worldbuilding and execution is significantly better in the throne of glass franchise. Now, I did say this was a character driven story. This is mostly regarding Nesta, Cassian and Azriel. I loved pretty much any interaction they had! I love a good training montage. Ngl though, I think, unless you possess an ardent love for Nessian, you're not going to be particularly wowed by this, if you've read heir of fire, or even acomaf. I obviously am never going to be able to be objective, because I've loved nessian so much from 2017-now, but I loved the dynamic those two (and three - friendship wise between nes/cass/az). One of the highlights of ACOWAR for me was the snippets of Az, showing tenderness, and opening up to the newer members of the inner circle (and i'm excluding any hint of an Elriel ship because FUCK THAT LOL) For me, the tip with SJM books is: once you outgrow them/the particular mode of narrative style, is to not anticipate anything other than a character driven story, albeit one riddled with smut. I personally am a romance heavy reader, so I'm honestly deconditioned to it at this point, (like, when I see reviewers scandalised I'm like... wow, the amount of trash I have consumed in the last five years loool.) While I disagree with the fact SJM marketed this series as y/a (or maybe it wasn't her per se, but the key booksellers definitely did this for her) - I think its clear enough now she's descended into the adult/borderline erotica genre.(very mild imo). I personally like to adopt a policy of skimming sex scenes when I find the dialogue cringy (most the time it is lets be honest any talking is v second hand embarrassment). Cassian and Nesta were definitely better than Rhys and Feyre post chapter 55 though! I was so glad there weren't a million moments of Cass/Nesta betraying their arousal with their scents, in front of everyone (like feysand, the voyeuristic pda pricks they are). I found the slowburn ish nature of their relationship great, and I actually think if you're a virgo/emotionally stunted reader, you will be happy with their relationship dynamic. It contrasts with the daemati sexual snark of acomaf, but it felt right, and authentic. This book was a journey of personal growth, for Nesta. It is clear SJM loves books about strong women, and maybe thats what makes me love this book so much. I think, out of all the archeron sisters, I love Nesta the most. This is for my Rose Calloway fans, my misunderstood, somewhat cold/left out girls, who are less receptive to being vulnerable. If you're a slowburn fan, it's not Mariana Zapata levels of slowburn, imo it's the perfect combo. Addictive enough that I don't want to put it down, but not so fast moving that I couldn't believe it. I loved the sex without emotion relationship they had!! This is honestly never done in mainstream n/a fantasy, unless its a caricature of a 'slut' that normally rivals the main character, lmao. Even if their inner conflict was p transparent, this gave me everything I needed! I know this is vapid lol but I also love the physical dynamic between the two, they just look so good together, the amount of fanart I'm going to reacquaint myself with after this review!! I adored seeing Nesta grow, (even if towards the end I kind of resented her sudden acceptance into the inner circle, i get SJM loves her and just wanted a fluffy ending, but, as a Nesta like character, it's awkward and stilted on her end to adjust to the inner circle like this - i mean, hugging rhys, really??)

I think, if I had to compare this to any other SJM book, I would say Chaols book (though I obviously preferred this). That being said, I felt less attached to new characters in this book than I was in even Chaols book (and even then ngl I remember nothing?) Obviously I loved what it represented, as a trio of traumatised women. I just, didn't love this the way I loved other inner circle members! I get that they gave Nesta exactly what they needed, a family that doesn't hold the history of her sisters, who she doesn't have to worry about holding preconceived notions of disappointment. I loved this for her! Even then.. I just wasn't attached to either of them. I found their interactions cute - but boring. Towards the end, when their stories/pasts are revealed, I couldn't help but cringe slightly, I can't put my finger on why, but I just didn't buy it. Maybe it's the brit in me but I couldn't be moved by this slightly forced bonding moment.. which was so anticlimactic. My 'aww how cute' tolerance is defo deserved for characters whose tropes I love. Maybe they just didn't fit into this list. Maybe I'm just being a cow here?

Now, let's speak about the real star of the show.... A FUCKING MAGICAL HOUSE FRIEND??? YESSSSSSS. IF YOU ARE AN ILONA ANDREWS INNKEEPERS CHRONICLES FAN, U WILL LOVE! How was the animation of this somehow more touching than all of nesta's other friendships combined? Exactly what I ordered, thank you. This trope somehow touches more than any material bonding!! The cute witch x house dynamic (also maybe howls moving castle vibes?) I loved the trying to reach the target of 10,000 steps (a little Celaena HOF). I think this, heir of fire and acomaf are my favourite SJM books for this reason. Gripes: I definitely had some personal gripes with how other members of the inner circle treated Nesta (rhys i'm looking at you. Disappointed doesn't even cover it.) I inherently take offence to any elain scene, as i'm so over bland characters whose existence is reduced to wanting to fucking plant flowers?? like?? really? To go from moriel to that is such a downgrade, even if I fell out of love with Mor due to the way she snubbed Nesta (you're a 500 year old being and you can't see someone is clearly traumatised?). I adore Az so much, but if it aint polyamorous, I cannot see any pairing with Elain making me happy. (wouldn’t mind gwyn though) I think the whole mating bond that I do not want is a good dynamic, but I really hate that everyone has to be mates in this world. I don't think we were that surprised, but it would've been nice if the somehow, idk, developed a strong bond over time, without it being preordained? Like, even if they do not all actively stay with their mate, given how disproportionate mates are among the general population, what's the likelihood 6 members of the inner circle (including lucien) have mates?

My advice? Read this book if you love nessian and the acotar world in general, but don't expect the world building to be consistent with greater fantasy series'. This style of story is obviously what to expect. She writes what she likes, and if her fantasy is this - then who are we, as readers, to expect otherwise?

Final rating: 4.5 (no, i'm not objective, but objectivity does not exist if you are a real, human being, lol)

Original Characters: 5/5 (nessian/az/house wise) 1/5 (feysand - really over how they essentially take over the very end of the book - ugh, I wanted nesta's arc to be wholly separate from them) Writing style: 3.5 Cringe Scale: Low, with the exception of some dialogue. New Characters: 2 Plot: I went into it with a 2 and came out with a 4. Not in terms of complexity, but in terms of how addictive and enjoyable this reading experience was! (less)

[paradiselostbythedashboardlight]

Quarantine, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Wrote 430,943 Words of Prose in a Year

As we are coming up terrifyingly fast on a full year of quarantine with no end to the pandemic yet in sight for most people, I’ve been taking some time to reflect on the last year of my existence in a state that most people now refer to as quarantine. Since March of 2020, I, like most other sane people in my country, have stopped traveling, going to stores, seeing all but a limited group of other humans, and begun having recurring nightmares about being in crowds without a piece of cloth over my nose and mouth.

Suffice to say, it has been a bit stressful.

The other thing that I have done since COVID-19 began rapidly spreading across the globe last year is write over 430,943 words of fiction. 

The number seems insane to me still. That is (approximately) one Gone With The Wind, one entire Lord of the Rings series, or the first four Harry Potter books. That is still sadly not yet War and Peace (but who knows… the pandemic isn’t over yet).

So now that I am looking back, I find myself with one question: how did this happen? Why did I do this? What does this mean about my life this year?

Since apparently I answer best by writing a lot, let’s begin at the beginning. Let me tell you a story. I’ll keep it short, I swear.

Part 1: Blast From the Past

In March of 2020, I was still in the midst of an academic semester. There was a long academic document to write and a class to teach. However, as quarantine abruptly robbed me of most of my usual commitments, I was suddenly thrust into the position of having more time on my hands than I knew what to do with. Consequently, I decided to break out the Nintendo Switch I’d gotten for Christmas and revive a childhood interest in video games.

And boy did I. I played the games I owned for all they were worth. I played them during the evenings when I had no social engagements to attend. I played them during the Zoom meetings I was already struggling to pay attention to. By the end of March, I had finished one game, and it had set the wheels turning in my brain.

Here’s a fact about me: I don’t usually tend to write or read a lot of fanfiction about things that I consider really really good. Basically, fanfiction for me has always been an impulse born from incompletion or imperfection. I see no need to add to a perfect story (although I happily consume and create fanart). But for something enjoyable and yet slightly unsatisfying? That’s fanfic territory, bud.

So by April, I had developed a sort of epic fanfiction for this video game I was playing. It was one of those magnum opus kind of ideas, a grand retelling of the story with a huge sprawling plot and Themes (™). 

At first, it was merely a thought experiment that lived only in my head, a sort of entertainment to ponder in the hours before falling asleep. What changed? Well, a friend of mine decided to also write a fanfiction on the same video game and she kindly consented to let me read it.

Suddenly, I was ravenously hungry to read and to write and to share and to consume. I wrote a hundred thousand words of this fanfic in April and into early May, sending each chapter to my friend and being spurred onward by her kind comments. 

The fic became a gargantuan endeavor full of strange little challenges I set for myself. It was a canon-divergence, requiring plotting, worldbuilding, a darker and grimer tone. For some reason, I decided to write each chapter from a different character’s perspective, making the final product into a series of essentially short story character studies which together formed a plot.

By the end of May, the story was published for the world to see. It was well-received, although not particularly popular by fandom standards. And that was the end. I had gotten out my pandemic crazies, the semester was over and now I could move on. I had made my peace with the source material, plumbing all of the little details that I wanted to examine and creating a narrative that I found satisfying.

It was over.

Part 2: Summer Lovin?

Except that it wasn’t.

Confession: as I had been posting my giant fanfiction, I had also begun to explore the fan community itself, mostly curious to see some nice art and gather a bit of demographic info about what was popular within the community. As a result, I found a fanfic recommendations page. Among the recommendations was one author who kept popping up and i finally decided to give the fic a read.

Woah. It was good. Like, really good. Like, professional quality writing and themes that seemed designed to appeal to me. I devoured everything that the creator had posted in a week and then subscribed to eagerly wait for more.

As June rolled around, I realized that I had a problem on my hands. My great big gen masterpiece was finished, but this author had gotten me hooked on something else, something with a nefarious reputation online: shipping.

The term du jour for this seems to be “brain worms” so let’s just say that reading other fanworks had given me some brain worms. Inspired this time not just by the source material of the game, but now the fan community itself, my mind began to develop another idea.

I wrote the fic, about 11k, in a single afternoon of frantic writing. When I finished it, I knew it was one of my strongest pieces. It had just come together, a combination of all the thought that I’d been brewing up and a stylistic execution that just worked with the story I wanted to tell.

I posted it on a new account. Shipping seemed vaguely shameful to me still and my mom reads the other account.

To my surprise, the fic blew up. It got so much more attention than my long fic ever had. Even more significantly, a fan artist actually drew a gorgeous comic of the pivotal scene, completely out of the blue! I was essentially thunderstruck. Honestly, it was probably the first time in my life that I’d ever received so much positive reinforcement from a piece of writing.

While I’d written short stories for undergrad workshops, they’d never been particularly good and I’d never gotten particularly great feedback on them. I’d applied and been rejected by more MFAs and literary magazines than I could count. I’d pretty much resigned myself to writing for an audience of me and me alone (which I don’t mean to sound tragic about, writing for you is great and fun!)

But receiving so much support and praise and feeling like I’d made other people happy or sad or moved? There’s nothing better.

This makes my decision to write another fic for the ship sound vaguely cynical, the action of a person driven by an addiction to praise. I mean, no lie, aren’t we all a little addicted to approval?

But my next fic was another long one, an 80k passion project modern AU that I dreamed up while spending a slow summer alone with my books and only able to leave the house for long rambling walks in the woods. The premise was essentially about characters attending a five year college reunion, something that I myself had missed due to COVID in May of the same year. The fic quickly became a way for me to process thoughts on a lot of topics in my life ranging from relationships to politics to mental health to classical literature.

This fic was also received with far more attention than I was used to and, as a result, I finally joined the notorious Twitter dot com where I found people talking about my fic unprompted, eager to follow me and like my every random thought.

I can’t say that this process was not without its ups and downs. Fandom has changed, in many ways for the better, since my last engagement with it during the 2013 Supernatural days on Tumblr. While fan friendships are often idealized or demonized, they are pretty much like any other human friendship (okay, maybe a little bit more horny on main). There is potential for amazing connection as well as pettiness. But in a year where many people suddenly had no social spaces that were safe anymore, I’m glad that I found a new line of communication with the world.  

So I kept writing fics for the ship, producing a lot of work that I am genuinely proud of and making connections with other people who enjoyed it enough to leave a comment.

To conclude this section, I was in fandom again. While I had not seriously engaged with a fan community since around 2014, I was back with a vengeance. And I had discovered an important truth about what unlocked my ability to write more than I ever had before: community support.

Not simply the kudos and the views. It was the comments. The discourse. The discussion. To add and contribute my thoughts and ideas to a greater network of thoughts and ideas that fed off of one another.

Often I had seen people complain about there not being enough fanworks for particular media or characters. Now I knew the secret. The comments and the community created the works. If I commented on other people’s fics, the more likely they were to write more. I made a resolution I have tried to keep, to comment on any story that I legitimately enjoyed reading, even if I had no particularly intelligent thing to say about it.

Part 3: A Novel Idea

By late October, I had produced a considering oeuvre for my ship of choice and was enjoying slowing my pace as I planned a few future projects.

Remember, though, how I mentioned not having engaged with fandom for the past 5 years? Well, that didn’t mean I hadn’t been writing.

For the past 4 years, I have won NaNoWriMo and completed 4 novels of over 100k each in length. These projects have been massively fun and improved my confidence with executing stories at the scope that I desire.

And so in November 2020, I settled down to write another novel. November is always a sort of terrible time write a novel if you work in academia, but this year, I had more time than usual. I set out to write a comedy fantasy novel, something mostly lighthearted and full of hijinks in order to pretend away some of the quarantine blues (which by this point were well established in my psyche).

This year in particular, I was reminded that writing a novel is… harder than fanfic. That seems like a very obvious point, but I’d written novels before. Suddenly, though, I was realizing how much a novel requires you to set up the world and the characters, while fanfic can be pretty much all payoff all the time.

While the fanfic flowed in wild creative bursts of energy, the novel required diligence of another sort. I wrote 2,000 words every day for two months. It was a grind. Sometimes, it was a slog. 

And sometimes it just wasn't good. The thing about writing your own novels is that the first draft is way more likely to be not good. You’re balancing a lot and it’s easy to let a few balls that you have in the air drop for a chapter or two, with no recourse but to go back and edit later.

I finished the novel by writing a final speedrun of 6k on new years eve, ending my 2020 with another project under my belt. No one has read it. Not even I have reread it.

I’m still glad that I wrote it. I’ll write another one next year. No one will read that one either.

Sometimes, we write for ourselves and no external validation is necessary.

Part 4: Where are they now?

January of 2021 is somehow now behind me, which is terrifying. I’m still writing. Mostly fanfic, although occasionally I go doodle around with some original ideas that are more conceptual sketches for the next novel.

As for the fanfic, I think I still have a few more good ideas left in me, but  I will probably leave it behind before the year is out. That feels a little bittersweet, a sort of temporary burst of fun and friendship that I wonder if I’ll ever experience again.

Coming to the end of this reflection, I suppose I should make a summative statement about what it all means.

In the end, it might not mean a lot. There are some small takeaways. 

It turns out that encouragement makes you write more! Who knew? Also, more free time makes you write more! Wow!!!!

The point that I think this reflection exercise has shown me, the point that I think matters more than any other, is that writing is a way to process my thoughts. Even if it is through the lens of ridiculous video game fanfic or novels about sad wizards, my writing is my way to make sense of my own mind. 

And sharing that is special. If you share it with online strangers, with your family on Christmas Eve, with your close friend who has become even closer and dearer to you since she let you read her work, or just with your mom (the one personal legally required to read your damn novel if you want to share it). To share writing is to give someone a little peek at your beliefs about the world.

And right now? When we’re still isolated and bored and scared and in desperate need of distraction? Binge some TV, play Nintendo, read a book. Take in other people’s thoughts.

But put down your own somewhere as well. It’s a conversation.

And for once, it’s a conversation that doesn’t have to take place on fucking Zoom.

[starkergames]

Title: Dance Me to the End of Love Artists: @still-lovelygarnet (sketch), Lighinz (Ink),  @the-mad-starker​ (Color + Writer) Notes: Lighinz: This was the first piece of starker fanart I’ve ever worked on and I’m so glad it was with my lovely teammates. They’re such inspirations! It’s been amazing seeing this all come together. ❤️❤️ Garnet: This drawing has been a journey for me, and I am so happy to see it finished! It’s a beauty and I am proud of my wonderful, stunning, hard working and stupidly talented teammates, @the-mad-starker​ & Lighinz! And let’s not forget the fic that comes with it, Mads being an absolute trouper as always. ❤️❤️ Thank you guys for having me! Mads: I had absolutely no idea how much work coloring was but my teammates were always so encouraging and supportive. QAQ I’ll never take fanart for granted again QAQ But I’m happy I gave this a shot and I’ve learned so much. Thanks to my teammates and for this event for bringing us together 💗 The social media sites and media had gone apeshit over the leak. A certain document started circulating, a marriage license. 

Tony Stark was married. 

The only problem was, whoever had done it had blurred out his spouse’s name. Fic below the cut!

February 14, 2020.

A Friday night to remember since it was not only Valentine's Day but also the Stark Valentine's Charity ball.

Every year, Stark Industries would raise thousands and this year, it would be no different. Most likely, they'd be able to raise more than any other year previously since the spotlight had been on Tony for the past week.

An important document had been leaked.

A marriage license.

It came as a shock.

The social media sites and media had gone apeshit over the leak. A certain document started circulating, a marriage license.

Tony Stark was married.

The only problem was, whoever had done it had blurred out his spouse's name.

And so the paparazzi were on the hunt for a Mrs. or Mr. Stark only to find out Tony had taken a two week business trip.

False, they had discovered. The business trip was actually a honeymoon and the trail went cold until now.

Tony had managed to avoid them once he came back, no husband or wife in sight. That caused an even bigger commotion since it piqued everyone's curiosity. It was easy enough for Tony to remain unreachable, considering the man lived in the penthouse above Stark Industries.

It wasn't as easy for Peter though since he still lived in Queens with his aunt, but no one was all too interested in him. No one, except Tony.

Tony, who, despite Peter's insistence that he didn't need to be picked up, had arrived at his aunt's 5:30 on the dot. It wasn't unusual though since Tony was just spontaneous and hard to say no to.

Peter's boss and mentor sat beside him in the limo driving them to the event. He couldn't help but let his eyes wander over the man sitting beside him.

Tony Stark was aglow from all the sun he'd been enjoying and more than that, he was genuinely happy. The smile on his face said as much, a charming and almost dopey smile that not many were accustomed to seeing. Marital bliss suited the older man even if his smiles deepened the lines on his face.

To Peter, Tony has never looked so handsome.

He fidgeted in his seat, still not used to wearing the kind of attire that's required for these things.

Tony picked out his suit though, a cream-colored piece that only seemed to accentuate his slim but fit body. In contrast, the older man had worn a navy blue suit along with a very light, almost white, pink shirt. A rose was tucked into his shirt pocket and Peter smiled at the sight.

"The polls for the identity of Mrs. Stark is pretty funny," Tony mused as he scrolled through the media sites on his phone.

"Who's winning now?" Peter asked as he leaned closer to peek at his phone.

Pepper Potts's name was nowhere in the list but only because she had adamantly denied it from the very start. The paparazzi had also proven that Ms. Potts had been attending a company business while Tony had disappeared for his honeymoon.

"Who is that even…?" Peter laughed. "Natasha Romanoff…?"

Tony bumped his knee against his and chuckled.

"They got a hold of the guest list," Tony explained, "that's why she's jumped up in the polls."

Peter hummed but leaned back.

"Too bad the only person accompanying you is your protege," Peter said, knee bouncing as he scrolled through the list.

There was a separate poll for men, too, since Tony wasn't exactly shy about his preferences. Peter's heart skipped a beat when he saw his own there, listed near the very bottom at place number twenty-one out of twenty-five.

Warmth. Tony's hand settled on top of his bouncing knee. His wedding ring glinted in the light, a simple golden band with one studded diamond embedded inside.

"Breathe, kid," Tony instructed gently. "You sure you wanna do this? I know these public things aren't your scene."

Peter was anxious and it was obvious. He took a deep breath, stopped his fidgeting, and focused his runaway thoughts.

He knew that if he had said so right now that Tony would bring him home.

That, more than anything, was what had Peter returning the smile. It was a bit strained from the upcoming event, but it was there. He settled a hand over Tony's and felt the smooth, hard metal beneath his fingers. A gentle squeeze was given to show his appreciation.

"I can do this," Peter said and then corrected himself. "I want to do this."

"That's my spunky little intern," Tony smiled back at him.

"Not an intern anymore," Peter reminded him with a fond shake of his head.

He hasn't been an intern for almost two years and was expecting to take over as the R&D department manager of Stark Industries within the next six months.

And the relationship between him and Tony...

Tony grinned at the correction.

"Of course not. How do I keep forgetting?" Tony pretended to chide himself.

Peter was about to make a quip about his age but then the limo came to a stop at the entrance.

Outside, he saw the crowd of reports just waiting to catch a glimpse of Tony's spouse who they expected had ridden with him. He wondered how they'd react when they see just little old Peter Parker trailing after his boss.

Everyone was used to seeing Peter by Tony's side since he joined SI. Tony, himself, had called Peter his protégé, his next big project, the rising star of SI… the list of affectionate nicknames go on and on and has accumulated into a big pile of endearments.

Peter cherished each one.

"Knock 'em dead," was the last thing Tony said before they went to face the crowd.

The camera flashes were blinding. Even after two years of it, Peter still forgot to expect them until it was already too late and dots were dancing in his vision.

As expected of Tony Stark, he owned the audience's attention and smiled at every camera turned his way. Peter followed behind and was careful to keep away from the reporters.

No one was really interested in him since it was Tony that they wanted to get at.

Peter watched, amused, as Tony deflected every inquiry regarding his spouse that was thrown his way. This was a charity ball, after all, and the older man turned every question into answers that promoted and brought the attention back to the event in question.

Peter didn't know how he did it but it was a superpower he'd have to learn in the future.

The event area was decorated in a beautiful mess of Valentine's Day colors. The tables were set in white with stunning displays of bouquets. The roses were in full bloom, vibrant reds that popped out when surrounded by the more gentle pinks and whites of the surrounding flowers.

Crowds of people already sat at their tables, socializing and having a good time with wine being served.

It was a very large event and just standing there, taking it all in, Peter felt he could've easily lost himself in there. But then he felt a strong and familiar presence by his side and he turned, finding Tony right there beside him.

At that moment, the room could've been filled to capacity and Peter wouldn't have noticed anyone else besides Tony.

To him, it was obvious that he was in love with his boss. To others, maybe it wasn't as obvious since they liked to think of him as Tony's mini-me.

A lot of people also felt that they knew what Tony's feelings and thoughts were. It was easy to believe that since Tony was such an outspoken and outgoing person. He could talk on and on about something, injecting his insights and thoughts on a subject, and the listener would only have a glimpse of who Tony really was.

So, everyone thought that they knew Tony Stark because of his past reputation and his easy-going personality.

Then Tony did something like secretly getting married and people suddenly realized how very little they knew about him. They hadn't even known he was dating, let alone serious enough to pop the question.

They didn't see Tony the way Peter did, didn't know him the way Peter did so how could he blame them for being so oblivious?

Every smile Tony gave to others, he gave twice as many to Peter in darted glances and quick flashes. He always pulled Peter into the conversation and Peter wondered if others recognized just how often Tony spoke about him.

Maybe they did. Maybe they brushed it off.

That would change tonight.

Many had asked about the mysterious Mr. or Mrs. Stark. Curious eyes searched for Tony's spouse by his side and seemed to slip right over Peter. It didn't upset him at all. It made him happy that he was such a well recognized figure in Tony's life.

The money came pouring in for the charity and Tony gave them his dazzling smile. Appetizers were served, the guests' chatter dropping to low murmurs as they were served finger foods that could've easily replaced dinner with how generous it was.

A short speech was made and Tony looked so handsome with the mic in his hand and a bright gleam in his eye.

Peter, from his seat at the front table, could practically feel how the guests were hoping for Tony to introduce his spouse.

And like the tease Tony was, just shortly before concluding his speech, he had the audacity to say, "I know many of you are dying to meet my sweetheart." He gave the crowd a wink, "And it is Valentine's Day so it would make sense, huh?"

A pause as the crowd waited patiently or impatiently for the big reveal.

"But this ball isn't about me or my newly beloved, but we'll see if we can get some more surprises in by the end of the night. Dinner should be coming out shortly and then, we'll get to the fun part of the evening. Dancing!"

Tony rejoined the first table, completely at ease with his selected dinner mates. He flashed Peter a quick grin before he nudged his seat closer.

"What do you think? Will they be lucky enough?" Tony leaned in to ask.

Beneath the table, a warm hand settled on his knee, a reassuring weight. Peter had to fight to keep the smile from splitting across his face.

The whole dancing part of the event made him nervous and Tony had promised him that he didn't need to. Just thinking about it made his heart pound but when he looked at the older man, he felt it melt into a mess of goo and affection.

He subtly slipped his hand beneath the table, settling it above Tony's and gave it a squeeze.

"Maybe," he said with a faint smile.

They withdrew both their hands as the waiters came out and served dinner. The dinner SI provided for their guests was almost decadent. It warmed their bellies with good food and along with the alcohol from the open bar, laughter and smiles were being exchanged with ease.

The clatter of utensils working over near and veggies filled the room and the soft quiet conversations lulled as people ate.

And just as dinner was wrapping up, a familiar tune started to play. Peter glanced and Tony and found the man staring back at him, unabashed and grinning from ear to ear.

He returned it with an exasperated shake of his head, but when Tony held his hand out… Peter took it.

He was pulled from his seat and led onto the empty dance floor. The music swirled around them and the entire hall fell into a hush as more and more people noticed the pair on the floor.

Tony led Peter in a dance and it was there that everyone's eyes were finally opened to the truth.

The person they had been looking for all evening had been by Tony's side the entire time.

There was no doubt about it now, as the audience's eyes followed the pair. Fluid, graceful movements… Hand in hand, they swept across the dance floor, perfectly in sync in body, as well as mind.

It was undeniable, the tenderness that spread across Tony's face as he looked at Peter

Undeniable, when Peter smiled so sweetly at him.

They danced and danced and to Peter, it was like the entire hall disappeared. There was no one else but them and all the anxiety, all the doubts faded away as he looked into Tony's eyes.

They had taken a long path to get where they were today. What started as a simple, professional relationship slowly transformed into a quiet, but comfortable silence as they worked.

The silence became filled with chatter and once one started talking, the other would answer. Their quiet work hours became filled with laughter and scandalized jokes then with soft teasing. The hunger for each other's company grew until it spilled out of the lab and brought them together in movie theaters then quiet little evenings in Peter's apartment.

Their first kiss was a memory that made them both grin and laugh. A moment of spontaneity as Tony babbled on and on, a flush of excitement tinting his cheeks red. Then shocked silence as Peter shut him up with a press of his lips.

Do that again, Tony had dared and Peter hadn't backed down since. He'd done it countless times until they were both breathless from it.

Countless dates and secret smiles being exchanged at the office. I love you's being exchanged softly and meaningfully. Reverently. Then the ease in which those words came, each dropping it casually in their texts and whenever they parted. It didn't make those significant words any less meaningful. In fact, it only reaffirmed, over and over, how they felt about each other.

Months fast-forwarded and then Tony was kneeling in front of him, a black box in hand and Peter staring dumbly at him like he hadn't expected it at all. The mister to my Mr. Stark, Tony had casually said once upon a time and now… Now, the ring sat on Peter's fingers, a quiet but unbreakable declaration.

All those memories whirled around them as they danced. The ease in which they trusted one another was obvious. The love they had was now glaringly obvious, as obvious as the beautiful sparkle that Peter's diamond ring gave off, a perfect mirror to Tony's wedding band.

And when the song came to an end, Tony's mic turned on. That voice that Peter has heard whispering love into his ears come on the speakers, breathless from excitement and exertion.

"I don't need to make introductions," Tony said while looking into Peter's eyes. "You all know who he is." -- Thank you to our wonderful artists and writer who participated in the first Starker Games!