#I am so fucking mentally ill

[iliveinmyblanket]

I want to rip my uterus out

I hate it I hate It I hate It I fucking hate this

I fucking wanna live properly, I want my brain to work I want my body to work, I wanna see my self in the fucking mirror.

I want to experience trans joy constantly, I wanna feel like I'm real, I want to exist fully.

I don't want to feel like I'm just something that orbits people, I want to feel like I'm not about to fade away.

I want my nerves to work, I wanna feel things fully, I want to feel my loves skin properly

[mobileleprechaun]

how is it possible to go from having a slammin time to having an absolute dogshit time in the span of like 15 minutes

[my-worship-to-them]

YEARNING

YEARNING

YEARNING

For what? For who? Who fucking knows! I knows, is who.

[mizu-no-doukeshi]

man i hate rewatching hellsing because i cant stop crying once i finish it literally the thought of it being over makes me cry

[fioreose]

[fraternum-momentum]

fellas is it normal to get reminded of ur wife when u see ur kid's schoolmate

feat. @wreckowafer 's arin \(⌒_⌒)

bonus:

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

[yardsards]

hot take but you all NEED to stop telling people to kill themselves.

yes, even *those* people. i don't care if you're talking to some monster who puts live puppies into a wood chipper for fun, don't say that shit.

because mx. puppychipper isn't gonna be affected by your words.

but you know who might be affected? some innocent third party reading the words you said on a public website.

because telling people to kill themselves says "suicide is a punishment for being a bad person. bad people, upon realizing they're bad, should simply commit suicide instead of working to atone for their actions."

and that is NOT a message you wanna be normalizing to anyone, but ESPECIALLY people with depression (who, let's be real, make up a higher than average chunk of this site's userbase). whose mental illness is already telling them that 1: they're an inherently terrible worthless person no matter what they do 2: death is an appealing option.

is reading "kill yourself" once or twice gonna make them do it? nah, probably not. but reading it multiple times a day every day is gonna make their mental health worse. it's probably not good for your mental health to be saying that kind of thing, either.

just knock that shit off. the world is already so hostile to people with mental illness, and managing mental illness and unlearning unhealthy thought patterns is already so difficult. you don't need to be out here making it worse.

[hollypunkers]

For fanfic purposes, I enjoy the parallels of switching the romance narrative from “We deserve each other” to “I don’t deserve you” for angst purposes and also I think there can be something touching with Fiyero finding beauty in Elphaba’s looks and Elphaba being intrigued by Fiyero’s mind. I want both of them learning to love and accept the part of themselves they’re most insecure about, because to accept to other’s love for them they have to acknowledge and accept the many reasons why they love each other, including that.

[wwooyology]

OH SO THEY WANT ME DEAD????? 😀😀😀😀

[batwynn]

I’ve been awake since five am so take this with a grain of salt but why is there this weird assumption that depressed people want to be depressed? That we’re intentionally staying depressed, or choosing to be, or even sabotaging our mental health by choice?

I’ve tried 20+ antidepressants and 50+ different therapists over the years with varying degrees of success and failure. When something works, I hold on for it as long as I can. It’s never my choice to stop using something that works. It is always a really bad side effect, a therapist leaving the profession, insurance changes, etc. I have never, in my entire life, knowingly, intentionally tried to sabotage my health. I have always tried my best, in spite of everything working against me.

I try to tell every new doctor some version of this when I rate high on the depression test they do at the start of every appointment. I also try to explain that four of the questions are rated the way they are because I have ADHD and chronic illnesses that make eating and having a good attention span difficult. That I have anxiety, and my life is one stressful situation after another. I also lie every single time about being suicidal, because doctors do not understand that it’s a chronic, back-of-the-mind state of being and the fact that I’m Still Here means I know how to fucking manage it. (Hint: that therapy for intrusive thoughts helped!)

And every single time, they treat me like I’m doing it to myself. That I’m not Trying Hard Enough. That I’m making a choice to ‘not get help’. They never, once, consider that the record in front of their faces proves that all I’ve always done is try to get help. Or that I’m still here. Or that I’ve survived every deep depression I’ve been in. Or that I’m still visiting doctors at all after years of medical abuse.

The assumption is and always will be that I am intentionally making myself unhappy and not ‘fixing myself’. That I just don’t want to be happy.

And honestly? Fuck y’all for that. Because that right there is a high-tier reason people who get those suicidal thoughts get one step closer to death. That makes you ten times more dangerous to our health than anything we could fucking do, or not do.

[the-sun-is-also-a-star]

if you're one of those people who are like "oh my god im so ocd!!" and then you just like to be organized, shut the fuck up. literally shut the FUCK up. You have no fucking idea what its like. Its like being trapped in a mental prison. Its being called weird and ridiculed by my own family because i have to wash my hands between helpings of food or because i have to run out of the bathroom when i flush the toilet or because even when i smell something awful i have to breath through my nose instead of my mouth because if i breath through my mouth it feels like i can taste it. Its developing conditions that accompany it, like excoriation disorder which makes me dig into my nails so hard they're permanently fucked up and look ghastly and sometimes even bleed and which means i have scabs on my head all the fucking time because i pick at them constantly, or misophonia which makes me flinch at every trigger sound, it gets so bad to the point where i start hitting myself and had to move away from walls because i was sure i was going to bang my head against one. hard. It's having violent intrusive thoughts, sick intrusive thoughts, thoughts that make you stay up into all hours of the night and fret over whether you're a good person, thoughts that make you think about death all the time. your own death, death of loved ones, how people will die, how people will react to you dying. It's having morality ocd, which makes you hate yourself more than anything after any minor mess up. It changes your life. Its fucking hard to live with. so i never want to hear "oh I'm so ocd" from people who aren't actually ocd ever a-fucking-gain.

[thereweredragonshere]

I skip all Hiccstrid scenes in Rtte because buffstrid is not canon💔

[beanghostprincess]

Actually thinking more about Reiju's only sin being a woman and... Going into more depth, I know that logically/canonically she's smart and empathetic enough to not want to be in her brothers' place. She doesn't want to be an heir/ successor or follow the family's footsteps at all. She knows they're bad. She sees herself as such, too, unable to change/be different like Sanji was. She doesn't think she can bring her mother's kindness to this world the way Sanji does, so she sticks to what she knows, whether it is to protect Sanji too or to accept her fate.

BUT (and bear with me for a second here, I know I have been watching too much Succession lately) we also do know that during her childhood she didn't do anything to help Sanji from the abuse. She watched it happen because that was the way things went there and because she knew what would happen to her if she did. Of course, she ends up helping him escape and taking care of him but-- I'm just thinking, for a tiny little moment, about how she's actually the oldest.

She should be the heir. She should be the person everybody views Ichiji as. She should be considered the most responsible. The smartest. The strongest one. The one who should take the throne. And she doesn't even want it now, but what about back then? What about when she did have some little, tiny faith/hopes for her family and what they did? She sought approval and naively thought "my father is going to offer me the place I rightfully deserve, right?" blindly seeking acceptance like all of them did.

But no, because she might be the oldest but Ichiji is a man. She might be the strongest, the smartest, the most reliable... But she is not a man. And I believe there must have been a time when she expected her destiny to be something more, and once she realized she was just a woman in their eyes... Well, we know what happened.

I just keep finding similarities between The Vinsmokes (OP) and The Roys (Succession) and perhaps my headcanon of Reiju being similar to Shiv has gone a bit too far. But the scene where Shiv is like "This is real?" when Logan promises she'll be the CEO and he goes "This is real. Remember this. The slant of light" for it to be a lie later is something I fear could have happened with Reiju and Judge if Oda had given us more content,,,,

[fioreose]

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

me stubbornly forcing myself to drink green tea and rest from my THIRD COLD THIS MONTH