#I am not very fast at times...and I have a couple other blogs I hope to as well

[siixkiing]

I've been mutuals with you for a while and really want to reach out but I am lowkey terrified to do so-

GET OVER HERE AND LET ME LOVE YOU. But in all seriousness, there is nothing to be frightened of. I am as scary as a pink butterfly stuck on a marshmallow. I will always welcome anyone who wants to interact with me; like don't ever be scared to answer my open starters or even send in ask either from ask memes or just yeet the character in the box. The only warning I will give is I can be very slow at times...like a snail through molasses slow. BUT that does not determine if I want to roleplay with you — just be sure to check my rules (I try to update them when needed) and if you have any questions about the muses you can ask. Otherwise, come and interact, I would love to start something between our muses.

[erwinsvow]

Heeeey, Shea. How are you?

I just wanted you to know I love your stories. Kook trio reader and shy reader are my favorite. 

I know that's not how it went, but I really think in another universe, Rafe would have trouble getting to date shy!reader because she just wouldn't realize he was flirting hard with her. Maybe a bit of self esteeming issues or because she's inexperiente. But, anyway, I see her being completely oblivious about all his efforts and being like "he's so nice, guys. No, he would never flirt with me. You guys are insane" and everyone else would be like "girl... what?".  

Thank you for your stories, they keep me smiling. <3

- T.

hi t!!! thank you so so much for your kind words, it means so much. i am so glad you love the different readers on this blog! i think your idea is so cute and funny, it suits them perfectly. here's a little bit based on what you sent and i hope you enjoy ♡

since the day you had met rafe—truly met him, not counting the multiple instances where you had passed him in tannyhill attached to sarah's hip when he hadn't even realized you'd been there—you had been a little confused about the newfound attention he was giving you.

you felt it was strange. sarah was always going on and on about how mean rafe was, how badly he treated others and how he never spared a minute to talk to anyone. but she must have been exaggerating. right?

the rafe that you were becoming more and more acquainted with was nothing of the sort. from the time he had driven you home a few weeks ago to now, he had been nothing but nice—offering you a ride everytime you were at tannyhill, asking if you wanted anything when he was on his way out. he even went out of his way to find you at the country club, stopping to say hi even if it was in the middle of one of his golf matches.

it was nice. it was really nice. everything sarah had told you about him seemed to be completely wrong, but then you realized it. rafe was probably trying to be a better brother, and starting with being nice to sarah's friends was likely a good jumping off place.

with this notion firmly stuck in your mind, you proceeded to go about your days, smiling sweetly at rafe when he was being so nice and reminding yourself to tell sarah—her brother was making a big effort, and it deserved to be recognized.

"did i see rafe walk away from the course to say hi to you?" sarah asks, and you look up at her, a little surprised. you hadn't brought it up yet, and in all honestly, didn't know when you would.

your other girl friends look a little closer at you—surprise evident on their faces too. you hate being the center of attention but somehow it feels even worse like this—they're all getting the wrong impression.

"yes.. he's being very nice. i think he's trying to make it up to you, y'know, for being mean like you say he is."

"by being nice to you?"

"by being nice to all of us," you add quickly, looking at the other girls, waiting for them to pitch in.

"he's never been nice to me."

"i don't think he's even ever said hi to me."

"so how exactly has he been nice to you?" sarah asks, and you feel your face burn. they still have the wrong impression and you have no idea how you'll correct them.

"well not much," you lie, clearing your throat. "he just gave me a ride home a few times. and he said hi a couple times here. and got me a soda from the gas station the other day."

"not much?" your friend questions.

"he never asks me what i want from the gas station-" you interrupt sarah, eager to make sure they stop speculating.

"he was just being nice. it was nothing, i-"

"what's next?" sarah asks, cocking her head at you. "don't tell me, he lets you pick the music in his car?" she laughs, and the others do too, but you stare back at her blankly.

"just once or twice," you mumble, suddenly finding your drink and the misty glass far too interesting.

"oh my god. he's totally flirting with you." you whip your head up so fast you think you got whiplash.

"you're insane. that is so not what this is. he was just being nice."

"if any other guy did this, you'd be picturing your future wedding-"

"it's not just any other guy, it's sarah's brother. do you see the kind of girls he goes out with? that's how i know he's being nice, i'm nothing like them-"

you feel incredibly flustered, face hot and playing with your hands like you do when you get nervous. your friends are laughing, and though you know it's not at you, you still hate the feeling, feeling like you might burst from the intensity of the emotions you're experiencing right now. first and foremost—the fact that maybe rafe wasn't just being nice to you.

"yeah?" you hear, though you don't look up. "then why's he walking over here right now?"

[yanderepalace]

Yandere!Michael Myers (1978) Sweets Prompts

warnings: violence, stalking

a/n: hi everyone :,) been a while. hope you enjoy!

♥ KitKat - What do they do to break their Darling?

With Myers always on your tail, you constantly find yourself surrounded by death and violence wherever you go, talking to someone and wondering if this is the last chance you’ll ever see them before he gets to them. If that doesn’t break you all on its own, I don’t know what will.

♥ Mochi - Do they believe in punishing their Darling?

Maybe not you specifically, but Michael does take it out on those around you.. friends, family, strangers. As psychologically distressing as this can be, it might as well be a punishment for you.

♥ Daifuku - Are they predictable for their Darling, or are they able to surprise them with their behavior even after a long time?

This is a very obvious yes; not even the best doctors in the state could get a single glimpse into his mind or motivations, so you don’t have much of a chance. You might as well just hold on for the ride!

♥ Dango - Do they prefer manipulation over a long time, or quick actions?

Quick actions is Myers forte! He’s all about stabs and grabs, baby!

♥ Dorayaki - Any regrets when they look at their Darling, or do they stay focused on their obsession?

He will rarely regret any of his actions. He's very calculated and if he acted out on it, he already knew what he wanted.

♥ Omiyage - Would they consider bribing their Darling into the shape they envision?

Considering how he doesn’t really talk much, there won’t be much “bribing” going on between you two.

♥ Taiyaki - How fast are their intentions revealed to their Darling?

Honestly, to this very day, you have no idea what he really wants with you; all you know is that he’s in your life now.. or at least what’s left of it.

♥ Poki - Would they be more of a one darling-kind of yandere or want/need many at the same time?

The first time he set his eyes on you, he knew he’d never think of someone the same way again— it's either you or nobody.

♥ Warabimochi - What kind of yandere are they? Do they have some sub-types they fit into?

Michael Myers would be your personal stalker for at least a while before he ever came close. Other categories he could fall into are obsessive, and delusional type.

♥ Senbei - How willing are they do share their Darling with someone?

He would take out any rivals before they even thought about it.

♥ Candy Kits - Do they want/plan to build a normal future with their Darling?

Somewhere deep in his twisted mind, he envisions a normal-ish future (to him at least). He thinks about his mom and dad, or even Judy and her boyfriend, and sees you two becoming a couple like them eventually.

♥ Matcha Infused Sweets - Do they forgive escape attempts and ‘tantrums’ or do they stay bitter about it?

He doesn’t feel any particular way. He just sees it as a silly thing you do and just drags you back like it’s the most normal thing.

♥ Manjuu - What matters most to them in their mind when they obsess over their Darling? Love, Protection, Possession?

Not even he knows entirely, maybe it’s love, or maybe his love is possession. All he knows is that it feels good to look at you, to feel you, to have you.

And he’s not letting that get away from him.

a/n: sorry for the super long hiatus but I miss writing so much so here I am! I might make a little post explaining a bit about why I left and the future of this blog. If you’re reading this right now, I really appreciate you for still being here <3

[africanization101]

Ok time for an embarrassing admission, a few years ago I used to be right wing and I’d impotently lash out at mass immigration and at the increasing amount of IR couples I saw online and out in public. I forget how exactly I came across your blog but I think it was through one of your captions (the captions are fantastic btw please do more if you get inspired). The seed had been planted and once I started reading your blog something just clicked, slowly at first then all at once.

Fast forward a little and I’ve seen too much Black beauty to turn my back on it now, I’m in awe at it everyday and pissed my narrow mindedness stopped me from exploring this earlier. Why would I care about who white women are having these new and exciting relationships with when I could be experiencing this feeling too! It has become clear to me I overwhelmingly prefer Black women. I can’t stop thinking about them and I just wanna have a big and beautiful family and live a wholesome life spoiling her constantly when the one of my dreams comes around (here’s hoping).

Now not only do I not feel worry for the future I am excited for it! I’m genuinely so much happier, less stressed and a nicer person to be around in general :)

Sorry for the long post but I just felt like saying this and wanted to thank you! However small or large it may be I think your blog is having a positive impact.

Thank you for that introspective message. I started this blog many years ago for the very same reason that apparently got you all upset, but from a different point of view: "the increasing amount of IR couples I saw online and out in public". Anyone who has consciously lived in western Europe or northern America during that time must've noticed it. I found it charming and inspiring. But it didn't escape my notice that there was much resentment and fear involved in other folks' reactions, and the interracial erotica blogs you would see online heavily featured that sentiment: themes of conquest, subjugation. As if it was an act of masochism to love Black.

The reality, as I saw it, was much more exciting: suddenly people were seemingly liberated to pursue their true attraction, their true love. What would've been impossible or at least enormously difficult due to entrenched racism not that long ago, was now open and possible. Maybe the speed of the change was shocking to some people? Alright. But that's no reason to be depressed or angry. How could you be depressed or angry about a new and marvelous kind of beauty?

Anyway, I'm happy to hear that you are now past your young male anger phase and can appreciate things for what they are. Just remember to treat the Black ladies that inspire you with dignity, respect and the appropriate amount of flattery when it's called for. Be a good match. And remember: mixtinction is not the sad fate that your less fortunate peers perceive it as. It's the future, and it's beautiful.

[absolutebl]

Hi ABL! I was wondering if you have recs for bl couples where a younger seme/top aggressively pursues an older, initially-unwilling uke/bottom?

I realized this trope was my absolute JAM when I fell hard and fast for Wei Zhiyuan x Wei Qian, Sun Boxiang x Lu Zhigang, and Yongjie x Xingsi. Bonus points for age gap, stepbrothers trope or the older uke being endlessly indulgent?

I mainly watch China and Taiwan bls, so I’ll love anything from there. I’ll take recs from other countries too, they might become my first foray into non-mandarin bls

I know this is a somewhat specific request so thank you sm if you manage to come up with anything! I really appreciate all the work you put into this blog ☺️💜

Oooo MY FAVORITE!!!

Hyung Romances! (wrap-up post)

I call these hyung romances because that's like noona romances but gay.

Specifically you said:

younger seme aggressively pursues an older initially-unwilling uke

I am utter TRASH for this! YES PLEASE!

Minato’s Laundromat

Japan 2022 GaGa 

AKA Minato Coin Laundry AKA Wash My Heart! AKA Minato Shouji Koin Randorii AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry

Younger seme older uke, very clearly yaoi derived dynamic, 10 year age gap. I love this show so much. This is by far the best long running example that really dwells on this trope, Shin is very much the aggressor also very much still a high school kid. Minato is very much NOT. 

Old Fashion Cupcake 

Japan 2022 Viki & GaGa 

Also from Japan, another 10 year gap, and a flipping genius version. This time both parties are older, so there’s less of a stigma around the age gap, but there is stigma about the one being the other’s boss. 

This show had me from the moment they broke the egg yolk with the chopsticks in the opening credits for episode one. It’s about a younger man with a long cherished crush on his boss (ten years older and going through a mid life crisis) who decides to save and seduce said man with pancakes. It’s wholesome, comforting, sexy, and a very necessary narrative about still having hope, interests, and openness to affection at any age. It’s coming of age/queerness packaged in a subtle critique of expectations around masculinity and love and loneliness... and it’s beautiful. Full review. 

Lovely Writer

Thailand 2021 YouTube 

Sib is quite a bit younger than Gene and defines aggressive pursuer. Gene is out of university and established in his career, Sib is still in college.

Thailand criticizes itself and the BL industry while simultaneously giving us classic seme/uke with great chemistry in a one-two punch of “we love it, but are we supposed to? and must we think this hard, yet enjoy it SO MUCH?” This show won’t appeal or make sense to those who don’t already have at least some Thai BL watching experience. What Lovely Writer does, at heart, is reexamine Thai BL has done to queerness, but in a very gentle way that has more to do with Thai BL growing up than any actual queer authenticity. It’s not parody or pastiche, but it is self reflective and trying to correct for some chronic mistakes. Whether it is ultimately successful in this matter is going to depend on the watcher’s relationship to BL and queer identity. But that’s what makes this show beautiful, interesting, and thought provoking. And I, for one, applaud the effort even if I didn’t personally connect to the characters.

Oxygen

Thailand 2020 YouTube 

Thailand’s first real stab at this dynamic as a main couple and it so worked for me. There are many who find this BL too slow and wooden, but I loved it. 

I think of this as a paragon of Thailand’s softer BL style, since Oxygen uses every BL trope in the playbook for one of the gentlest lowest angst BLs ever made. This one showcases how far Thailand is moving BL from its yaoi roots, and is a prime example of the sweet “new BL” model for which Thailand is the main advocate (Korea is liking it a lot these days too, tho). My first watch along. 

SOTUS

Thailand 2016 YouTube 

Guess who started this trope in Thailand? Yeah, sometimes I forget too. But they are not just classic sunshine/tsunder but classic younger/older. Just not by much.

This is the BL that launched a hundred BLs. No literally, it was SOTUS’s international success that pretty much built the Thai BL industry into the juggernaut it is today. People have baggage around SOTUS, I have nostalgia. Trigger warning on bully hazing. Review here. 

En of Love: Tossera 

Thailand 2020 YouTube 

Younger boy wants to court older boy and does and… that’s it. No really that’s the WHOLE STORY. There is actually no angst, drama, or, indeed plot. But are they the softest bois ever to BL as a main couple? Yes they are.

*pulp warning*

Private Lessons

Korea 2020 GaGa 

A BL short from Strongberry that I love, it's age gap and teacher/student (catnip por moi). The chemistry is slightly off though, but stil I do love this one for the dynamic. Certainly worth watching especially if this is your trope since it's like 8 minutes long and very stylish.

MingKit MarkKit

2 Moons (VERY side dish) YouTube 2 Moons 2 YouTube (major side dish) Gen Y (leads) Gen Y 2 (sides again in LTR) 

Thailand’s premier version of this dynamic I just lumped them all into one category. Only in 2 Moons 2 are they played by different actors, otherwise it is all KimCop, and who can complain about that? If you want to watch specifically for this dynamic than go for Gen Y. Trash watch here. 

SIDE DISH CORNER

Not Me (DanYok)

DanYok is an age gap, but it isn’t really the point or the plot of their romantic arc

Don’t Say No (LeonPob) 

Leon and Pob qualify. That’s all I have to say about that. 

HIStory 3: the BL that shall not be named (BoXiang & ZhiGang)

Also appear in HIStory 4: Close to You

The side characters in H3:MODC (and cameos in H4) BoXiang & ZhiGang have a huge age gap, 12 years, and it is a big deal for their relationship. When they start out BoXiang is a desperate himbo high school kid and ZhiGang is a small business owner. BoXiang’s friends tease him more for his lust over such a much older man than for being gay. 

Bonus on this one, there is some very high (and it's Taiwan so) very well done heat. That said, the main couple will, in fact, wreck your psyche for life. Proceed with caution.

THE THAI PULPS

You’re My Sky (SanAei)

Side could (and only good part of this show) SanAei are a classic uni age gap pairing. San is a bit of a spoiled rich kid jock who identifies the older nerd character as HIS and is just like, MINE. That’s MY elder gay. 

Brothers (KhunKaow) 

This is not a good show, but side couple Khun & Kaow are great in it. Khun is in university and Kaow has a small baking business.

Top Secret Together and Love By Chance both have sub plots of high school boys pursuing college ones, but the one didn’t go anywhere and the other went very very bad, so yeah… no. Although I would personally LOVE to see this done well. 

BONUS POINTS ROUND

Stepbrothers trope

HIStory 4: Close to You (sides)

YongJie is quite a bit younger than XingSi, not sure on the specifics but he’s in middle school when XingSi is in high school and still in college when XingSi has his own business.

Addicted has the stepbrothers trope but not the age gap.

Older uke being endlessly indulgent

Future

Thailand 2023 YouTube 

Based on a y-novel by Faddest (En of Love) about an engineering student and a dentist (shocker). This is just a soft sweet cotton candy fluff piece about a younger boy who pursues an older boy and then manufactures silly gay drama. Nothing wrong with that. But I don’t think this style of BL really appeals to a very large market share. Will I rewatch it? Sure. Will anyone else? Nope.

If you want your endlessly indulgent older gay, this is the you crack, they made if for you.

*pulp warning*

Manner of Death

Thailand 2021 WeTV

It’s not really relevant to the story, but Tan is younger. Not only that, he’s Bun’s friends younger brother. Bun is very indulgent, but in a grown up way.

I like MoD a lot but I’m conflicted over it being actual BL. It’s a great gay romantic suspense, although the mystery element is its weakness. MaxTul, the Kings of chemistry, are, of course, perfect and perfectly cast, but their romance thread is more a distraction than an addition. Still, I could watch them make-out the phonebook. Watch along here. 

Seven Days

Japan 2015 grey 

AKA Seven Days: Monday-Thursday AND Seven Days: Friday-Sunday Japan

Seryou kinda counts as the pursuer, but the dynamic is very very weak in this one. Still the way he asks to use Yuzuru’s first name (so CHEEKY) and the way he says “senpai” in SUCH a cute way makes me so happy. And Yuzuru is NOTHING is not indulgent, it kinda defines his character. I mean he just LETS him call him by his FIRST name... right away.

Never doubt my ability to recommend this show. One of the best live action yaois ever made, with perfectly structured angst, fantastic characters and acting, and no problematic tropes (rare in Japanese BL). The leads have excellent chemistry although it’s low heat there’s still some really cute mutual kisses. 

Just Taiwan

HIStory 2: Crossing the Line

2018 Viki 

Seme uke is VERY weak with this one but the younger character is certainly the pursuer. It’s SO GOOD. 

Lin Pei Yu directs this is a sports romance (volleyball) with a good boy/bad boy pairing, and mu favorite of the HIStory franchise. There is no clear seme/uke. Ostensibly it's high school set but Taiwan doesn't care about age appropriate actors. It's a very soft sweet romance with some ridiculously easily overcome conflict. There's great kisses but it's medium heat. The side dishes are the stepbrother trope but they’re very tame, and there’s no other triggers. It's not just my favorite of the franchise, it’s one of my favorite BLs with a perfect happy ending.

Kiseki: Dear to Me

2023 Gaga

The mains are a major age gap, but I always forget because they def don't look it. Also, Taiwan, so very weak seme/uke. Still there is age gap, he's in high school and our gangster is out of college and in the workplace.

The plot is totally ridiculous and slightly unhinged, but that’s normal for Taiwan. It involves all the tropes under a very casual framework of gay mafia gangs + food = love. Absolutely every character is queer. There’s a gum-ball machine of cameos, elder gay rep, great chemistry from all pairs, and a KILLER side couple. As a result Kiseki is a poster child for Taiwanese BL, and I happen to love Taiwanese BL. Bonus? They also managed to END IT WELL, which we cannot expect from Taiwan.

(Triggers for knife play, child abuse, lingering trauma.)

Unknown

2024 YouTube

Unknown is a wonderful BL with a pitch perfect portrayal of long term pining, age gap, and the stepbrothers trope. The acting and chemistry are ON POINT (especially from the leads) which made the resulting characters very believable. When it dwells in intimate family drama, it's stunning. It's slightly less successful when it leaves the home and goes gritty. Still, those are mere quibbles. This is an excellent show, one of Taiwan' s best.

As you see above I mostly had to take you to Japan and Thailand for this one. Considering your preferences try Japan first, it's closer in DNA to Taiwanese stuff, but it won't go as high heat. If you want the heat, you'll need to try the Thai stuff (or the ones from Taiwan you haven't seen). I would start with Lovely Writer.

Okay I think I have given you enough and, unless I miss my guess, I may have tempted you to try some Japanese BL.

Comes to the weirder (and weird hair) side. We have pancakes.

Yeah I think you should watch Old Fashion Cupcake.

EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH OLD FASHION CUPCAKE!!!

(source)

This post dated May 2024, not responsible for hyungs that sling after that date.

[lightofraye]

I was among those people who used to think Jensen and Danneel were just a normal couple and some anti-danneel gossip blogs are just overanalysing each and everything they are doing to feed their own entertainment. I mean, couples do pull eachothers leg, makes fun of their spouses; I have seen wives playfully making frustrating comments on their husband’s abilities of household chores and husbands taking that cheerfully. That did not look abnormal to me or I was not attentive enough to find out a pattern.

But my conception changed fast at the time of prequel announcement. One thing crossed my mind is that- I understand Jensen was busy with other shoots but what Danneel was doing when the internet broke after Jared's tweet? If she is such a strong woman why cannot damage control? I started side-eyeing them and did not take long to see the holes between their aparent happy marriage. I clearly saw at the first public appearence since TW how awful they looked together, how it looked like they just had a big fight on the way and can barely tolerate each other. And that feeling kept on escalating. The last wales con, it is so evident that Jensen just cannot tolerate her anymore.

I am now sure they were never a real happy couple, but I guess their relationship started faltering after SPN, especially after TW where they tried it professionally. There were a lot of differences, lot of compromises from Jensen's part since she doesn’t look like one who can take her foot down once. These things have to have lingering effect in their marriage. I have to give it to Jensen that he actually still tries to uplift his wife's image publicly and overdoes it, and to be honest I can clearly see it comes from the insecurities he has with his marriage and the conciousness that people might find out and his image will be destroyed.

I don’t want to put all the responsibilities of prequel mess to Danneel ever. It was Jensen's concious choice, he chose to milk the legacy of SPN so shamelessly, he chose to jeopardise a friendship of 15 years for money and insult a person who really cares for him and no way Danneel can be responsible for it. But you know, after this very incident I started seeing Jensen as a human being, before that I was a blind admirer who used to think he is perfect in every way. I gave it a thought, and felt that this mess could be made by any human being living in his situation. That was covid time, he was already dreading years of unemployment ahead, and he has a wife who looks like constantly nagging and dragging him for more money - and here he had to choose his family and career over moralities. I always wonder if there are some more stories behind prequelgate which we will never know, and I wonder if Jared knows some of them and that’s why he continued this friendship and forgave him. However that's a different discussion. But the whole phase of TW Jensen did not seem to be proud of his genuinely for once, his marriage stories sounded more and more fake, and I feel he is secretly relieved that TW ended for good. We can only hope he will keep Danneel out of the business or his name, but I know she has much more hold on him for taking this decision.

I hope Jensen will be released from this marriage one day, but I don’t think he wants to. He thinks Danneel is what he deserves, and he has to settle for it. That’s the problem.

Realised I ranted too much😂 I admire your blog and you, you have a high EQ and it shows. Cheers!

Wow! I got an essay for once! Whoo-hoo!

Hi anon!

Okay. Let's read this together… and my responses as I read.

RE: among those people who used to think Jensen and Danneel were just a normal couple.

Honestly, and I know my haters and detractors won't believe me, I was the same. I always felt there was something off, but I only saw a few clips. I took it to be jealousy/envy that Danneel had such a great guy as her husband.

Theeennnnn I really got into the fandom, the full videos (not just clips that made her look good), and listened to conventions.

I did an immediate 180 after that.

Ahem. Anyway… onward.

RE: Prequel. Yeah… Danneel couldn't handle the blowback. To call her a businesswoman is an insult to businesswomen and business folk out there. I think that really helped open a lot of eyes about how she lies through her teeth all the time. (Her saying she's watched Supernatural and knows all of Cas's lines and oops, guess what? Lied!)

RE: Wales. That con also opened a lot of eyes too. Seeing Danneel put him down over and over, claiming credit for stuff she never did.

RE: Jensen trying to uplift her image. I wonder if he's doing that in part to preserve his own image or if it's really to keep himself from further problems with Danneel. I'm thinking the second part, really.

RE: Seeing Jensen as a human being. Hallelujah! Welcome to the world of human beings!

RE: Prequel aftermath. I do think Jared and Jensen are closer than we know, and that Jared has a very big heart. I know for some it was too much, what Jensen did, but… I'm forever grateful to Jared for still being Jensen's friend. He's one of scant few who isn't a leech and using Jensen. Jensen needs that true friendship, more than ever.

RE: Hope Jensen will be released from the marriage.

Yes… a victim struggles with self-worth and self-value. He actually thinks he deserves this and no better. I hope some day he knows he deserves more. All we can do is send that love and energy to him.

RE: Ranted. Hey! That's okay! You said so much and I appreciate it all! In fact, I appreciate you recognized the unhealthy elements of the Ackles' marriage and how toxic Danneel can be.

I admire your blog and you, you have a high EQ and it shows.

Aww! Thank you so much. 🥰 I truly needed to hear that today.

[fairybin]

hello! i hope that everyone is doing good. if not good, hopefully at least tolerable. since it's been a while since i've posted, i wanted to leave a message for everyone who has enjoyed my works over the last couple of months.

if you've been following me for a long time, then you'd know i made this account during summer of 2020 as a means to interact with other people who were also watching i-land (the show that made enhypen), but i would say that this 2023 year has been my most active year of posting. for me, writing is my way to express my thoughts and feelings that are somewhat trapped inside of my brain without any other means to express them and i truly enjoy it and wouldn’t want any other way to express myself besides it. even posting audios, that i originally kind of hated doing since it overshadowed my writings, i really grew to enjoy posting.

anyway with that being said, sometimes my brain works too fast for me to keep up and those thoughts and feelings become very stagnant and non-existent entirely. whether this is “burnout” or just pure laziness on my part is really unknown to me and honestly i probably won’t ever find out. if you’ve talked to me by messages or dms or even in my ask inbox, you’d know how often i say “i have an idea! i want to write about this and this and this!” and how much i enjoy when people tell me to go for it and usually i do.

maybe it’s the pressure to want to make my writings perfect or maybe the fact that it’s me who wrote it and i have to read it over and over, but honestly recently i have had no inspiration for writing. zero. nada. 없어. and it’s actually extremely difficult to admit. within a year, i have gone from loving writing and pushing out posts like it was nothing to not even wanting to write anything at all.

with this being said, i am by no means saying i’m going to stop writing. i couldn’t even if i wanted to. this is me saying that i’m going to take my time writing. if i get into a mood to write, i will, but also i won’t beat myself up for not being in the mood to write.

i’ll still be logged into this account periodically and i’m going to continue to reblog stories i like on my side blog that's linked in my navigation.

i wish everyone a very happy healthy and successful rest of 2024! bye!

- mari

[phdmama]

I'd absolutely love some sterek fic recs because I'm trying to broaden the ships I read. I've watched the first 3 seasons of teen wolf but haven't read any fics and don't know where to start. I'm fairly open to reading any content, although I'm not the biggest fan of like the common school/coffee shop etc AUs.

Also I love how you're gotten into blogging hockey recently. Have you read any hockey rpf since getting into nhl? Personally sidgeno and mattdrai have my heart, but like I said I'm looking for new ships to read like sterek.

WOOOO LET'S GOOOO!!

As always, read the tags etc etc. Probably a lot of these will be author recs. I will say Sterek has the potential for an age gap concern but I don't read fic where that's written as a predatory thing, FWIW, but I do read some where Stiles is 17 but where I feel like it's handled at least somewhat gracefully

Gravity's Got Nothing on You by @zosofi is great - I really like all their stuff actually!

@kalpurna's Fascination and @drunktuesdays' bigger, longer and uncut are both *gems* - so funny.

We've Written Volumes (in Blood and Scars and Ink) by @notthequiettype is absolutely brilliant, one of my fav fics of all time, way up on my reread regularly list. They only have one other Sterek but I love that one too (and they write hockey rpf but I haven't really dived in there yet!).

The Moon's Gonna Follow Me Home by @turningterrific is stunning. They're SUCH a good writer, although sadly this is their only Sterek (but they have written some amazing hockey RPF as well!).

Every stumble and each misfire by @everchanginginks is fucking phenomenal. True story, I read this fic and then didn't keep track of it but it stayed in my brain, and I spent literally HOURS combing my AO3 history to find it, and when I did, I promptly downloaded it and created the "Best Ever" collection on my Kindle specifically for this fic.

Everything by @suburbanmotel. They are an incredible writer and even more incredible person and I'm so lucky to call them a friend!

I really love @lunacanislupus-22-blog writing but particular favorites are: Feel it like a fever, burning through the night , Spirit grows when love goes away and I know that you love me, even when I lose my head (and I'm not normally one for amnesia fics because they make me SO ANXIOUS but this one is SO good).

Cornerstone by Vendelin is really good too (mind the tags on this one).

By Any Other Name by @entanglednow is fucking phenomenal (and again with the amnesia fics?!?!) and so so well-written. Check out all their stuff!

I really love @devildoll's writing very much a lot! Particular favorites include: Come with Me and Walk the Longest Mile (and I don't usually gravitate to post-apocalyptic fic even though I love the genre in fiction but this one is fucking brilliant); Stand Fast in Your Enchantments (painful and so good); My Heart Comes Tumbling Down (OH MY HEART) and Love, Like a Sentence of Death.

There's Monsters at Home by @wellhalesbells | calrissian18 is a classic and really good! They've written a ton of really great fics (the Hilary Duff lyrics one is a another personal favorite!)

Not Quite Lost (Not Quite Found) by @alocalband is gorgeous. Just. beautifully written.

stuck in reverse by @crazyassmurdererwall is also really good! Definitely check the tags on this one, as it is Stiles still in HS.

Start Small, Like Oak Trees by smallbirds is really lovely. Everything of theirs that I've read, I've really liked.

Okay, just a couple more I promise!!

The Difficult Kind (series) by whiskey_in_tea is an old one but really really wonderful.

The First Date series by @halffizzbin - the whole thing is delightful but I absolutely adore the final installment!

I will note that many of these authors also have Hockey RPF fic, JUST SAYING (I really am fascinated as to what that pipeline is??). I've read a ton of hockey RPF as well (sidgeno for sure) and I'll check out mattdrai now!!

Anyway, hope this helps as a place to start!!

[wolfstarshipping]

I’m in a reading slump, do you have any good fics that you can recommend me?

Hi, thanks for asking lovely anon! I've thought about this and I have several different approaches on how to answer your ask, so this'll be a longer list, I hope you find something you like!

First category: Texting Fics!

I love text fics because they're usually very fast-paced and easy to read, so I think they might be a good way to combat a reading slump!

You could either go with the iconic Text Talk by merlywhirls (141.250 words), a boarding school AU with a home-schooled, chronically ill Remus, a true classic and the fic that started the whole wolfstar texting fic trend back in the day!

Or, one of my personal favorites from the same era for purely nostalgic reasons, aesthetic: trash boys by Emaly/merlywhirls (89.473 words, everyone is super queer, strong chosen family vibes, with an HIV positive Remus and genderqueer Sirius).

Or if you want a modern text fic classic, there's always Staying Strangers by 3amAndCounting (319.368 words, university AU, this is one of those fics I've reread a couple of times already, just because I love it so much, especially the texting in the beginning).

Snow In June by BrigidFaye (25.561 words) is a magical AU set in the US that also has some texting elements, even though it's not as text-heavy as the fics mentioned above, but the worldbuilding and the setting is wonderful, and lumberjack Remus is everything I ever needed in my life!

Dear Your Holiness by @mollymarymarie (142.264 words) is a priest AU and band AU, with a bit of texting, though this one is also already kind of moving into the next category of fics mentioned below. Obviously the whole catholic priest theme is not going to be for everybody, but if you think you might enjoy that, I highly recommend it, it's so, so good! And if you don't think you'll enjoy the themes of this fic, check out literally any other fic by mollymarymarie, I think at this point I've read almost all of them and enjoyed every single one I read immensely!!

Alright, so now the next category is fics with plots that will get you out of any reading slump:

I've recently become obsessed with @lynxindisguise's fics, so I'd also recommend checking out all of them, but since I've mostly recommended longer fics on this list so far, I'll go with a shorter one: in the dark, there is discovery (11.796 words) is a wonderful pirate AU that you can easily read in one evening, and it has beautiful world building, Remus Lupin as a seamonster and my new favorite trope - there was only one hammock.

Let Me Get What I Want (This Time) by Sierra_Sitruc (69.878 words) is a plot-driven and amazing fix-it-fic, that I keep thinking about even months after I've read it, and that had me stay awake at ungodly hours just because I couldn't put it down and wanted to know how it ended!

The Bent by @ebp-brain (40.257 words) is an incredible fic about queer lives, politics and art, oppression and resistance, so if any of those things sound like something you'd enjoy I highly recommend reading it, I always love earlybloomingparentheses' writing, it's so, so beautiful and powerful!

take me as i am (48.494 words) has one of the most unique settings I've ever read - it features Sirius as an (adorable) sleep demon, who is supposed to give Remus nightmares, and I also love the way this fic depicts various mental illnesses.

In saccharine by moonymoment (26.447 words) Sirius is a ghost haunting Remus's apartment, and this is another one of those fics I keep thinking about because it was just so so good.

full moon twofold by renaissance (12,031 words) is a Gothic-romance style AU and an incredible take on the question "what if Remus never went to Hogwarts?".

And now maybe a few shorter fics:

The first rec in this category is not even a specific fic but just a tumblr account: @wolfstarmicrofic, if you scroll through their blog you'll find lots and lots of really short fics which might just be what you need to get back into reading!

In You, I Count Stars by @wolfpants (1.540 words) is a wonderful hogwarts-era oneshot set in the Astronomy Tower with a pining Sirius.

It's Cold Outside by Remustrash (1.788 words) is a very fluffy and cosy there-was-only-one-bed fic, featuring the most oblivious of all oblivious puppies!

June, and Other Natural Disasters by montparnasse (5.524 words) is a beautifully written fic that made me feel all the feels and has great summer vibes!

Okay and the last category is fics with A+ vibes that'll make you forget all about your reading slump:

The Long Way Home by @hollyivydruzy (177.337 words) is a university AU and the kind of fic I didn't want to ever end, because the characters felt so incredibly real, and it's so easy to get completely immersed and lost in their wonderful, chaotic world and follow along on all their university adventures.

this desperate in love by drowsyanddazed (20.776 words) is a very cute high school AU, and reading it felt like watching a coming of age / teen movie in the best kind of way!

wading in waist-high water by @colgatebluemintygel (82.060 words) is a Great British Bake-Off AU that features Remus as a contestant and and Sirius as a host who's thirsting after Remus, and I just love the whole setting and atmosphere of the fic, as well as the writing! And this fic's Arthur Weasley needs to be protected at all costs, I love him a lot!

A Brief History of Dragons by @eyra (23.488 words) is an incredibly cosy and wonderful modern AU set in Cornwall, I absolutely ADORE Remus in this fic and love the way his and Sirius's relationship slowly develops, this fic has such a special place in my heart.

Alright I think I could keep going and add to this list forever but I'll stop now, let me know if you read any of these, and I hope they'll end your reading slump! x

[megpricephotography]

So I'm thinking about a dog in 2024 and I am absolutely in love with border collies.. I know thier energy is insane.. This is my question, do you walk everyday, of course you do, how far do you walk? What would I be in for? Do they bark often? I also enjoy black Labradors.. Your blog is quite amazing.. 🙏🐕

That’s wonderful you might be getting a dog next year! Whichever breed you decide on, I hope you find yourself a fantastic companion & enjoy many happy years of adventures together :) Thanks, I'm so glad you enjoy my blog!

I’ll answer your 2nd question 1st: barking. Yes!! Some are louder than others... but most border collies like the sound of their own voice. They'll likely be more vocal than a labrador!

Now... exercising. Border collies are energetic. They need to run regularly & are always eager for a walk! Like most breeds, BCs are happiest (& easiest to live with!) when they're able to combine using their brains, with getting physical excise.

Many pet dogs, even "high energy" breeds, are able to fulfil a lot of their need for mental/physical exercise by going on regular walks... Walks where the dog is most left to its own devices but has the opportunity to run & fully engage its senses, exploring & interacting with the environment. If the owner wants to get more involved & play with the dog too, then great! However, if the owner is tired after a stressful day, then they can mostly mentally switch-off & relax in nature, while their pet has fun & tires itself out!

Unfortunately (& I think it's part of why they have a rep for making hyper/crazy pets), border collies are often pretty terrible at exercising themselves on this sort of walk - where they have to occupy themselves independently!

BCs want owner participation!! They want YOU mentally switched-on & involved in their activities - exploring the wider world is only as interesting as you make it! If they aren't kept busy herding livestock for you, or doing sports like agility, then a BC needs you to come up with other forms of entertainment/exercise, which you can do together. It doesn't need to be complicated, or involve you doing lots of hard physical exertion - but keeping a pet BC well-exercised & contented will take some mental effort, on your part.

They'll often benefit far more from a slightly shorter outing, where your focus is on them & making a real effort to engage & interact - rather than a much longer walk, where you're present but disengaged & expecting the dog to exercise itself.

For some people, the prospect of a pet who demands lots of engagement & interaction, could be more work than an active dog who "just" needs regular long hikes! However, if you like the idea of having a HIGHLY interactive dog - who thrives on doing stuff with you, then BCs can make wonderful, engaging, fun companions.

This got way too long... below are examples of how I keep Flynn "busy" & help him burn off mental/physical energy outdoors! My health isn't very good - I can't go very far & never go fast but Flynn doesn't mind... as long as we're interacting.

All pics below were taken a couple of days ago, in 2 adjacent fields.

Left to occupy himself, Flynn could spend hours out in these wide-open spaces & he'd still be bouncy/bored later. Not because he's insanely energetic - no, the daft dog simply wouldn’t DO anything tiring! If I ignore Flynn, he accepts it & potters along the path... & that’s the problem! He's an athletic, intense dog & he just potters! He's happy but barely using up any energy!! If I want Flynn tired, I have to give him reasons to use his body & - more importantly - his mind!

I take the part of shepherd & sheep & get Flynn herding me across the fields. We play hide-&-seek in the woods. He does tricks & balances on things. I take photos as it's another chance to interact. We might play search games too - I make him wait, go hide a toy/treats, then send him out to find them.  

A "game"(?) that's developed over time, is that Flynn loves to find & show me interesting stuff in the environment. Stuff he will not play with alone, but massively enjoys if I join in: piles of leaves, mole hills, tree stumps, good ground for digging! The more animated I am in reacting, the more enthused Flynn gets & the more he’ll exercise - racing way ahead to find the next fun thing & the next! He enjoys it if I show him stuff too!

Anyway, here he is in the 1st field, lying motionless but focused, as he waited for me to arrive & investigate the puddle he’d "discovered". It IS an excellent puddle.

Here he is, extremely excited at the prospect of supervising me stepping into the puddle & making a splash: 

Flynn's holding a nasty soggy chunk of grass because this was such a thrilling moment, he felt he needed to have something to bite on, or he might be tempted to nip my boot!!

Here he is in the 2nd field, intent on stalking closer, because I’d crouched down & just me doing that is EXCITING: 

I crouched to look for fossils. Didn’t spot any, so I grabbed random pebbles. Flynn finds it genuinely fascinating to watch me choose, pick up, examine & toss small rocks away… He'll eagerly "help" me do this, for as long as I'll let him. He darts after each stone, as I chuck it away, then quickly rush back to watch me choose another. Here he is, concentrating very hard indeed, on a vital Pebble Examination:  

Despite not going far, Flynn was mentally (& physically) tired out by the time we got home! Clearly, he'd done important work: herding, hiding, puddle-finding & pebble-inspecting ;-) Once Flynn's exercised, he'll happily sleep for hours on end.

[sysmedsaresexist]

This may be overstepping my bounds or you may not want to talk about this on this blog and if so please feel free to just delete this ask but on the chance this is alright here I have a question or two.

In the recent posts about Colin Ross and other professionals you've mentioned your 'professional circle' or your colleagues being therapists and it sounds like you work in the mental health field? If you do I'm just curious if you'd be willing to talk about that at all?

That's rather vague but I've been thinking about going into the mental health field and I'm curious what that might actually look like especially as someone with trauma.

This must be really odd if I've misunderstood what you've said, or uncomfortable if this just isn't something you want to talk about, and either way I know it's not really similar to what you normally post here so I'm sorry. Whether or not you respond though thank you for reading through this. I hope you have a good day.

I don't mind talking about it! I don't particularly enjoy talking about myself, but I have no issue sharing most information like this.

I do not currently work in the mental health field and I have never been licensed.

Like most of us, I'm sure, I was one of those "gifted" kids. I finished high school early with a several year scholarship, and fast tracked through 4 degrees.

My first degree was in social services and counselling. I worked in the field for about a year as a requirement for my education. In Canada, we have satellite schools for "troubled youth", and one was run out of a high school near me, so I counselled and provided support for about 30 students.

However, I was only 18/19 myself, and I was VERY OBVIOUSLY too traumatized to be working in the field. Some of the students were older than I was, and the things I heard and saw, the students that acted out violently that were twice my size...

I wasn't ready. My supervisor at the time, a woman in her 50s, told me, "In a field like this... you can't help others until you've helped yourself."

So I graduated, but switched into law. I wanted to work with those same youth, but maybe from a legal perspective (there were always police and lawyers involved). I finished my legal degree, took two more legal/business management and administration courses, became licensed, and worked for a few years in that field.

I really wasn't happy, though, as a woman and being so young, unless I wanted to start my own business, I was going to continue to face a bunch of condescending, old white men calling me, "high-school," because I don't drive and carry a backpack to and from work.

I work in sales now, making more money than I had ever hoped for, and for a company that is really, really good to its employees. I'm really happy where I ended up, though it was kind of a fluke. I voluntarily relinquished my legal license a couple of years ago because there's zero point in paying $2k a year in upkeep when I'm not going to use it.

Point is, though, I've kept in contact with a number of people in both the legal and sw field. My first therapist and I developed a bit of a weird relationship (not bad) but I was able to go to her on several occasions to talk as colleagues, not just client/therapist. I'm still in touch with her and occasionally reach out for questions. She gave me the info of a couple other specialists, of which I spoke to two of them.

I don't drop these names because it would really narrow down where I am, but on top of Colin Ross and Kymbra Clayton, I've also spoken with Marich, Loewenstein, I've tried to talk to the CTAD clinic, uhhh... Sunshaw is pretty open about her opinions. I'm trying to think of some other big names.

On the second part of this question...

Once you have a handle on your own trauma, you can be very, very successful in the mental health field. You have a unique perspective that can really help others.

It was an amazing experience, and I wish I had been older. I wish I had been through multiple therapists at that point, to see how others behaved. Being in therapy yourself is such an important step that no one talks about.

Trauma fatigue is a real thing that beats people in the field down into nothing. You'll hear every therapist say, "make sure you have your own therapist," and everyone nods their head but never actually goes to therapy. It's not just good for your own mental health, sitting on the other side of that chair can be terrifying and it's important for therapists to remember what that feeling is like, and to see how other clinicians handle clients. What do you like that they do? What do you hate? What are you not going to do with your next client?

You would be shocked to learn how many clinicians out there actually have DID! It's possible and highly rewarding. Just take your time and make sure you're actually ready for it.

There's no age limit on changing careers or going into a new field. Go slow, and take care of yourself first. Then you can be the best resource for others.

I hope that answers both questions <3

[under-lore]

Update on this blog

Hi !

So as you might have noticed, things on this blog have been quite slow for a few months now.

I’ve been asked a few questions about what was going on, or why have i not been posting even close to as many theories as before, etc...

So i’ve decided to try and answer all that as a sort of Q&A update to this blog.

Where have you been ?

I apologise for the lowered activity. My personal life lately has been causing me a lot of pretty bad problems, I’ve attempted 4 times within the last 3 months to pick this blog back up the way it used to be, but something would always come up at the wrong time and have me choose to delay it until that was fixed. Just last week, my personal computer broke down the very weekend i intended on doing so, and it is currently still in reparations so im writing this from a different device.

I do have several unfinished drafts and many things i want to talk and theorise about (i still haven’t posted a couple things that i’ve teased almost a year ago...), but i haven’t been able to find the opportunity to do so. I however have fairly good hopes that i might be able to get this blog back up and running within the next 2 weeks when my computer is fixed.

Hopefully, for real this time.

And again, i apologise about all this.

Whatever happened to the YouTube channel ? You posted one first video 6 months ago, and since then its been quiet...

The channel is not dead. I do intend on posting many more videos there in the somewhat near future. Some based on existing posts on this blog, and some more unique ones.

As a matter of fact, my computer gave up on me the day right after the day i told my friend and temporary editor that i wanted to start working on a second video... Tough luck...

It might be a bit early for me to say this, but once the blog gets picked back up, the YouTube channel should follow suit in the weeks that follow.

What have you been doing ?

Although the blog has been significantly slowed down for personal reasons, i have still made some progress on a few Undertale related projects of mine. While i have been generally staying quiet about those so far, i’ve decided to mention one of them today. After having been in this fandom for nearly 7 years and having seen literally hundreds of these from other people, it looks like it is now my turn to do so :

Im working on an AU

I will wait for a bit more progress before officially announcing it, but i am fairly impatient to be able to start talking about it !

What happened to asks ?

For a while even a bit before the blog lost its steam, i have been answering asks less often.

I used to always answer every single ask i got on this blog, but eventually as it grew bigger, there were too many of them for me to answer and it started to prevent me from posting theories as fast as i wanted to because otherwise i would get late on asks and have way too many in stock.

Eventually, i was overwhelmed by the number of asks i got and couldn’t keep up anymore. So i sort of took a break from the asks and now only occasionally respond to a couple.

I am actually not sure what to do about this situation. Because i do like answering questions i get, but i usually make pretty detailed answers which take time, and this blog lately has been quite short on time. I would be open to suggestions regarding how to handle this issue.

Thanks a lot for reading !

[theholypeanut]

HELLO.

I don't know if you can write this but

I want to request a Akashi x Reader thing like like kien hahvahsbs (THIS IS A FIRST TIME U REQUEST FROM YOU)

The reader is Akashi's best friends since children but sadly they went to another country bc of family business and stuff. Years later they found each other and hugged after a long time ongomgogm

Am so sorry if this is such a struggle 😭😭

I love how my blog is technically also about KNB not somehow I never wrote anything only Kuroko no Basket related, and yet my first request is about Akashi who is (in my opinion) one of the hardest character to write about 😭🫶 But love you and I hope you enjoyed it, sorry it took me so long

Gn!reader x Akashi Seijiuro

- You and Akashi did not hit it off right away, it was more of a slowburn when you were kids. At first you felt jealous about how amazing he was in everything he tried just once, but the more you spent time with him, the more you felt sorry for him. It was actually awful to be perfect.

- One day when you were 5, you just told him, that he is amazing, but not only because he is perfect, but he will still be amazing even if he fails from time to time, which felt so off from what he was taught, so he didn’t believe you at first. What do you mean fail? But later on, he somehow felt comforted by your presence just because he knew that, if he ever fails, you won’t judge him for it. And it was a beginning of a very strong friendship.

- For years you and Akashi were the strongest duo know in the school. He would always have your back and everyone knew they cannot say anything bad about you, if they want to live. And Akashi would know that he can always count on you whenever he just needed comfort, even a silent one. You were a ride or die.

- … Until your dad got a job overseas right before middle school. You two were so exciting to go to Teiko together, and now none of you wanted to even say out loud how heartbroken you felt.

- He gave you a necklace to keep, just a simple chain with a jade on it - jade was always associated with emperor, so it naturally reminded you of him. However none of you decided to give any emotional speech. The only words that lingered in between you two was “we will meet again”

- For a year you kept in touch by messages, but the longer you’ve been gone, the less frequent it got. You kept tabs on Teiko’s amazing wins, but you could feel that something changed in Akashi.

- Between second year of middle school till second year of high school, you stopped talking at all and it broke your heart. You still wore the necklace everyday.

- Around beginning of second year of high school, you got a call out of the blue. It was him.

“Hey” you heard a familiar voice. It got a little more deep and rough, but it still brought back so many memories. “I didn’t know if you’ll answer”

You stayed silent for a while. “Of course I would”

After this couple words an awkward silence filled the line. What else could you say? How are you? What were you doing for the past years?

“I’m sorry” he said. You knew Akashi Seijiuro for years and one thing that you probably never heard from him was an apology. And him ordering fast food. “I missed you. I don’t think you would be proud of what person I was in the past years” His voice felt a little weak, for the proud and amazing Akashi Seijiuro you knew.

“Good. It means you are no longer perfect, doesn’t it?” You decided to keep quiet about how sad it made you to not get a single message in the past years.

“Yes. I guess so”

- After this surprising call, you came back to keeping in touch with each other. You were still in high school overseas, but now finally feeling Akashi’s presence in your life, it felt better, fuller. However also quite empty.

- You were having a phone call at least once per month when you talked like nothing changed. He told you that he plans to play basketball after high school, but wants to go to Tokyo University first. And that was the moment you decided what you want to do with your future too.

~ Two years later ~

Waiting for a luggage never felt longer than now. Why the hell did you have to bring this huge suitcase? Maybe carry on would be enough, for a whole damn moving back to Japan?

You noticed that you started sweating uncontrollably. Of course, now, when you really want to smell like this nice expensive perfume, you will stink like a shoe on a hot summer day. Perfect.

When you finally collected proper baggage, you slowly went towards the arrivals gate. It’s been six years when you last saw each other. Six whole years. What if he won’t recognise you anymore? You were playing with the jade on your neck to calm yourself down.

When you went through the door, you started to look around. Somehow in your mind Akashi is still a small boy with red hair, and you could only imagine how much he changed by seeing his pictures in the magazine photos. Would it be embarrassing if you mistake him for someone else? Doubts started to fill your head. And then, in just one moment, they all disappeared when you saw a familiar face in the crowd.

He got tall, extremely handsome, and he looked just so mature. Your eyes met and he smiled lightly. And in that very moment you felt like everything melt inside of you.

You fasten your steps and when it was only meters away, you dropped your suitcase and jumped into his arms. In this moment you were so thankful for all of this years of heavy training he did, because he held you like you weight nothing, and holding you was the most natural thing to do. You pressed your nose to the crook of his neck.

“Hey” you heard his deep voice, just like two years ago in your phone, but this time, it was louder and clearer. “I missed you”

You felt like your eyes started to water up. You moved away a little to look at his face.

“Yeah, I missed you too”

And on one hand you felt like nothing change and no time has passed, but on the other, just in this moment, you felt like everything will change from now on.

[hotchs-big-hands]

Today turned out to be Pretty Bad™ stuck down very awful bad memory lane and I just wanna clarify to ppl why I may not always answer dms/asks etc. I've only really told one person on here the big details about this, and I won't go into all the details here either but it'll be enough to explain why. I hope anyway. Idk why I'm doing this.

I'll give a quick tl;dr here because it is long and also goes into very triggering topics such as self harm/suicide.

Basically I used to have a very close best friend, who I'll call shithead, back in early 2018 until late 2022 who extremely manipulative, emotionally abusive and just very overall toxic. If you've ever seen me refer to a "shithead" in tags or whatever then its about the person imma talk abt here. I was essentially the person they turned to to talk them out of doing things to themselves, if you get me. As well as a lot of other stuff. Ended up getting therapy (but not for the right reasons tbh) and also got a bad coping mechanism where I tend to not talk to people, I keep my distance and its smth I wanna tackle but it's difficult. So if you haven't heard back from me it's not cuz I don't like you, I am fighting with my brain. Also I kinda question if I actually am a good person or not because of stuff that I did in retaliation to this person.

I'll get into details now under the cut but yeah don't read if self harm/suicide/toxic dynamics are something you don't want to hear about for whatever reason.

As above, in early 2018 I used to have a different fanfic blog for a different fandom. I won't go into detail about which fandom and what the blog was but it was fairly popular. This is how I came to be friends with them. And like at the beginning it was fucking great! We became fast friends and we had a lot of shared interests. They introduced me to a lot of games, TV shows etc. But that's also where the problems started.

They were one of those types of fans. The "very possessive over certain characters" type of fan. If they liked them and had a crush on them then you couldn't do the same cuz character belonged to them. Which at the time I didn't rly like but I used to be friends with someone in high school who was also like that about characters so I assumed it was just a thing ppl did. However, it escalated to if I had a character I liked then they'd for some reason not like them and in fact hated them. This was kinda draining cuz they never wanted to talk abt stuff I liked, without actually directly saying so. They'd just shit talk them the whole time or say they hate them. So I stopped talking about what I liked. Later, they'd suddenly really like said media or characters and only then was it fine to talk about them. But in turn they'd be possessive and if I said oh okay I'll step back from them they would make me feel like I was being stupid because "no they didn't say I couldn't like them".

Anyway thats not rly the worst of it of course, the actual bad stuff is now so again, final warning for self harm/suicide. Will square off the triggering sections.

*********************

They struggled with their mental health a lot. Like a lot. I'd be there for them to listen, offer help and support because I like to take care of ppl and make sure they'll be okay. Except it escalated to them using me to talk them out of harming themself and killing themself. And this was almost everyday/night. And need I just say they were an hour ahead of me as well btw. I went to university in 2019 originally and by December I was completely burnt out because I spent every day and night making sure they didn't fucking do anything to themself. I got at most 2-3 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky and I stopped doing my hobbies and uni work because I just had no drive to do them anymore. It was clear I was also suffering mentally. I was suicidal and thinking of harming myself as well (and unfortunately I did do so a couple times). But I prioritised them. Everything was triggering for them, and I mean that. I had a long list pinned to my wall of everything I was to avoid mentioning because it would trigger them.

They never took care about my own mental health btw, which I'm not saying they HAD to but I know it was because they just didn't care. And they said as much too. They said because they are autistic they have no empathy and therefore do not feel anything about my mental health. So I suffered basically alone.

*********************

I dropped out of uni in early 2020 and in fact went home the weekend lockdown began in the UK. Things were not good. I was still trying to be support for shithead, I went to therapy and started medication for the wrong reasons. I wanted to get better so I could take care of them. Which like. Never do that. Never go to therapy so you can be someone else's therapist. Go to therapy because YOU want to be better for YOURSELF.

We were in in a bigger friendship group spread across a few discord servers and they all broke down one way or another. One instance there was an argument between shithead and a bunch of others who were comparing who had it worse during ww2. The others were Americans but were also of Jewish heritage with family who were affected by the holocaust and shithead lives in a country near where the holocaust happened with relatives who went through a famine. Either way it was just not gonna be a good conversation. Shithead left, I stayed and like I already don't rly talk to people much in groups because its overwhelming but I did do a little bit. Someone who was friends with shithead and still in the server told shithead I was talking to the others and in turn I basically betrayed shithead. Hindsight I wish I had just left the server ages before and like maybe j shouldn't have talked to the others idk. I regret it either way and think abt it a lot.

Another few shitty things I did in response to how shithead would treat me is giving them the silent treatment, giving short answers etc. I wanted them to feel bad, but it would round back to me being told I'm a coward and horrible to them. Which maybe I was but frankly I was scared of them.

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Things began to rly break down when they showed me their fresh self harm wounds, blood and all, because they were "bored". I didn't talk to them for a few days and their apology wasn't much of an apology, more just making excuses again (aka I have autism so it's not my fault). I started talking less and less because by this point my brain had had enough ig and began to close off from them and just ppl in general.

*********************

In 2022 I finally returned to university and thats also when I finally stopped talking to them. A few months ago I finally blocked them on everything. However, I still struggle with communication and don't rly do it much. It's difficult to maintain friendships and I don't trust easily. I plan on going back to therapy whenever i can because this is just unresolved. But yeah idk I'm sorry to everyone who I haven't responded to, or take a long time to respond to.

One thing that is good tho is that like, after shithead I didn't enjoy anything. I didn't rly watch or hyperfixate on anything. But last year around this time I came across an Aaron Hotchner x plus size reader fic and I've been obsessed with him since!! And now here we are, got a blog and everything for a fandom finally after so long :) so it's not all bad.

But yeah that's why I struggle keeping up with messages and asks. Idk if anyone is gonna read this but if you've read this far then thank you and you mean a lot. Big hugs to yawl and I hope yawl have a lovely day, and if not then please take it easy 💖💖💖💖

[metaphorfordeath]

🎊 6, 12; 🎉 3, 7; 🍾 1; 🎆 6; 🕛 4 !

Hi Kam!! Thank you for the ask (and sorry I'm always so slow to get to these, I promise I love getting them!) For the year end prompts:

🎊 6. How have you grown this year?

Since this is my writing blog I was thinking about these questions mostly through the frame of my writing, and I've done a lot of growing in that area this year. Spending most of the year revising and rewriting my novel has helped me hone my skill at not only taking and implementing feedback from others, but also at building confidence and trusting my own instincts as a writer. I am historically a chronic people-pleaser, so it's been a growth process as I've learned to use others' feedback to help me make my writing better in ways that *I* want it to be, and not just adjusting it to what other people want to see.

12. What achievement are you proudest of this year?

I finished my novel and started querying!! I'm only at the start of this journey and I'm trying to keep my expectations low, but I feel optimistic about this project's potential. Regardless of the outcome, I'm pretty proud to have been able to get something this important to me to a level of polish that I feel confident enough to start putting it out there.

🎉 3. Sum up the year in one TV show/quote

This was the year of Interview with the Vampire for me. I cannot get enough of those evil gay freaks. I don't have a good quote to pull from it but it was my favorite and defined my year--although Black Sails ended up being a close second, and definitely filled the incredibly-well-written-prestige-drama niche in my media diet left after IWTV ended for the season. Also, I feel like there are some major thematic overlaps in vampire and pirate narratives, so it feels right that these were the two best shows I watched this year.

7. Sum up the year in one of your posts

I'm going to cheat and point to this post from my main blog, which sums up the year for me because I took those photos on the most perfect Boston fall day imaginable, doing one of my favorite activities, with my favorite person ever--one of those days that makes you happy to be alive. I've had a lot of those this year, and for that I'm very grateful.

🍾 1. What's something you just watched/read/played/listened to for the first time this year that you loved?

I read a lot of really good books this year (not as many as I'd like because I'm not very fast and also split my time between a bunch of other hobbies) so it's hard to choose just one, but it's probably a tie between The Left Hand of Darkness and Crime and Punishment; I knew I would love LHoD because Corinne loves it and she has good taste, but C&P was a surprise to me. I picked it up because I'm interested in reading more of the "great books" that I didn't read for school, and I found it to be really engaging and thought-provoking and funny in a way that I didn't expect. For film/TV, my favorite movie of the year was The Vourdalak, which I can't recommend enough, and for games I finally got to play Baldur's Gate 3 which is. Awesome. (Honorable mention to Balatro, which has been sucking my phone battery dry for the last two weeks with how much I've been playing it)

🎆 6. What project most surprised you this year?

I feel like I've talked about GBD so much already in this post but I had an epiphany a couple months ago about where I'm going to take it, and I now have a fully-formed five book arc in mind that came to me almost out of the blue. Since up to this point I've sort of nebulously been like "ehh it'll be an open-ended series, I can write these guys into shenanigans however many times I feel like," I'm both surprised and pleased to have found such a clear path to creating something that will hopefully be narratively complete and thematically satisfying by the time it's done.

🕛 4. What are you hopeful for next year?

As I said above, I am trying to have low-yet-optimistic expectations about the query process for my novel, and I know that it can sometimes take years before people find representation (if they find it at all), BUT I'm hopeful that I'll find an agent who will understand my vision and see enough potential in my book to want to work with me. The full manuscript is currently with two different people, so my hope is that even if it isn't a fit for either of them, they'll at least have something constructive to say that I can use to improve my draft for future queries. Despite all my hedging, I really do think this story has legs, and I have faith that someone out there will think so, too.

Thank you again for the questions! Wishing you very happy holidays, and a joyful new year <3

[daily-art-think]

Hello and welcome! Here's an introductory Q&A with info about me and this blog:

Who are you?

I'm Jekyll, an independent artist and general weirdo. My degree is in sculpture (BFA), but I also do a lot of digital art, and dabble in crochet! I won't ramble about myself too much since this is only a sideblog, but some things I like besides art include D&D, horror, and a wide variety of fandoms. I'm very friendly and always down to chat (though fair warning, I'm terrible at timely responses,) so feel free to message me!

What is this blog for?

The description sums it up as well as I could manage, but to elaborate: I love art, and I love thinking about art, and want to encourage those qualities in others. I think there's a lot of value in slowing down and taking time to consider things from all sorts of angles that you might not normally, and sometimes it can help to have an external prompt to get the ball rolling. So I'll be posting a piece of art here every day, (not my own, just pieces I find, with credit of course,) along with some suggestions and questions to chew on.

Why does the description say "practice"?

In our fast-paced, often overstimulating world, it can be genuinely tough to choose to do things that don't provide instant gratification. On top of everyday life, I personally am a triple threat of having autism, ADHD and OCD; my mind is VERY fast and VERY loud, often in ways that are unpleasant or inconvenient, and mindfulness/slowing down doesn't come naturally to me. To me, and many others, it's a practiced skill, that requires conscious and consistent effort. But I believe it's a worthwhile one, and I hope running this blog will help my mental health as much as others! :)

What if I HATE (insert type of art here) with a burning passion and you post an example of it?

I chose the word "appreciate" specifically for a reason; in the art world, that word doesn't automatically equate to "love" or even "like". It simply means you are acknowledging aspects of the art- the skill applied to make it, how looking at it makes you feel, the materials used or left out, the artist's goal in making it and the impact it ended up having, etc.- and nodding and going "yup, that sure is A Art." You don't HAVE to like the art! I have art pieces and artists that I despise! But at the very least, it's good practice to consider it thoroughly so you can point to specific reasons you hate it.

I think you're pretentious and classist because you have an art degree, and I want to argue with you about why this blog is pointless and half the stuff you post isn't even REAL art.

Not a question, and if you don't like me or my blog, go right ahead and block me. I'm not here to start fights or engage in them, and while I certainly hope people don't think of me as pretentious and try not to be, I can't control people's opinions. I'm just a guy trynna share art and promote earnest conversations.

That's all I can think of for Q&A, but a couple additional notes:

- My ask box is always open for questions or comments, and if you have a favorite art piece you'd like me to post that I haven't already, feel free to submit that too!

- I put this in the description too, but some works I share may contain sensitive themes or artistic nudity; I won't mark this blog as flat-out 18+, as I highly doubt I'll post anything that's truly explicit or offensive, but just bear this in mind when browsing, and proceed with caution, especially if you're underage! No one can tell you what your comfort level is but you, and there's no shame in walking away.

Slow down, stay awhile, and enjoy some art!