#I am just very lost
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I have to say, having taken a trip to Iceland over the summer, I would have thought that the amazing sights and food would be the main thing that stuck with me, and not so much the haunted feeling that there is something so wrong with me that people are repulsed by my presence before I even do anything. Loved the glaciers, the whales and all that stuff, but really wish the major thing that immediately came to mind when thinking about that trip wasn't an entire tour group rejecting me within hours.
#rambling#sorry for whining#I am just very lost#this trip brought a lot of joy#but it also brought a whole lot of doubt and depression
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even if I came to love humanity in the end, there’s no proof I was ever here, right?
#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv#kim dokja#yoo joonghyuk#my art#slow downer lyrics..i am applying them to dokja#please..i cant put the entire song lyrics but my god#'i called out an incoherent name in this new old world'#'i loiter in paradise the hope i was accustomed to blocked off my path of retreat'#literally agonised me#maybe this doesnt even make sense#the yjhs standing on the subway yellow lines overlooking the edge#but i kinda lost the plot here#its ok#havent even finished orv yet but whenever i think about the very concept of dokja i lowkey kms in my head for 80000 years#also 52hz's 'a dreamless sleep'#i guess just the sense of being untethered to the world with just this one thing keeping you still here#hits me hard#wait i linked the original slow downer version but obviously (see username) the niigo one is leagues better
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Just a heads-up, I'll be gone for the next few weeks to Japan. Been planning this trip with one of my besties (aka the Donnie in my life) to celebrate our 20th friend-iversary. We'll mostly just be eating and soaking in hot springs, but since the two of us are very Leo/Donnie coded it is likely I might post some shorts or photos of our adventures. I'll most likely be MIA until I'm back, but at least I'll have some time to draw and prepare for my return! <3
#I still don't know how they put up with me#I'd really be lost without them#the onsen pictured above is actually one we'll be staying at!#I am very excited to just be lazy and eat#haven't traveled since covid so I've been needing this#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#japan#japan trip#travel#onsen#tmnt#rottmnt leo#rottmnt donnie
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So I was doing some math, and I THINK Skully is almost as tall as Malleus without his horns
I think the main reference to his height is Epel being surprised they're the same age because he's taller than Sebek, yes? which I find interesting, considering Jade and Malleus -- two of the tallest guys in the main cast -- are also there. and, since I've never been one to not think waaaay too much about the absolute stupidest minutiae about fictional characters, I see two possibilities:
one is that Epel is extremely good at eyeballing heights (I actually do feel like he could be? like. I'd believe he can estimate someone's height fairly accurately by calculating based on the life stages of an apple tree, or how many apples tall they are, or something else apple-related like that.) and Scully does, perhaps, fall into that narrow margin between Sebek and Jade in height.
OR two, out of the three certified Tall Guys there, Sebek is Epel's main frame of reference because he's the only one he's had any real interaction with for, let's be fair, pretty obvious reasons.
SO in conclusion, we still have no concrete answers and will probably have to wait until next year when we get his card profile, alas alas. 😔
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#disclaimer that this is mostly a joke and i am aware that i'm putting way more thought into this than was intended#(just like how i've thought WAY too much about where this event takes place chronologically based on a single throwaway line)#(the chronology is complex but there are more pressing discussions for now)#honestly i would love it if scully was like 6'7" and just towered over everybody#except malleus' horns#that's why he has to wear the glasses!#he needs eye protection just in case malleus turns around too quickly or something#geeze and he's only 16...he hasn't even reached his final form yet#do they have the courage to make him just a big ol' baguette of a man#or are they going to be all consistent about average heights or whatever >:(#we're gonna get his profile next year and find out he's like 188.5cm#(rip my vague hopes that fellow would surprise us by being a short king)#(look gidel is VERY small. there was a CHANCE)
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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Unpopular opinion: Shannon Messenger makes way too many little plots then abandons them, I'm literally only in it for the sokeefe at this point.
Mr. Forkle was SO meant to die. Shannon just got cold feet and made up a little nonsense explanation out of nowhere.
And love-interest-age-gap was receiving hate? Oh no worries Sophie is actually one year older than we thought she was.
And I'm pretty sure Keefe was meant to be with Biana in the beginning, before Shannon decided to switch to sokeefe and dexiana endgame bc of what the audience wanted. !!NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING I LOVE SOKEEFE!!
And then oh haha Vespera was the main villain all along! wait no this isn't working, let's just kill her off unsatisfyingly. Same with, like, all of our other villains teehee
dex? who's that? oh haha that guy well we couldn't have him mistaken for a love interest so, yk, *poof*
prentice who--
Omg guys we forgot Marella existed quick make her important
Keefe can sense whether or not Sophie likes him?? Which makes it so that Sophie can't have her cute lil love confession? oh hahaha not anymoreeee (unexplained magic malfunction)
theres more but I forgot and yes this rant was absolutely necessary
#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#kotlc thoughts#keefe sencen#dex dizznee#marella redek#mr. forkle#sophie foster#shannon messenger#am I asking for trouble tagging this under the very author i'm insulting?#yes yes I am but whatever#kotlc vespera#kotlc prentice#umm#sokeefe#sorry sokeefe people ik this doesn't have any sokeefe in it I just felt like tagging it as that?#dexiana#sorry to dexiana people too#I would tag [REDACTED] but that ship gives me the ick
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Part 1
#legend of zelda#skyward sword#echoes of wisdom#loz echoes of wisdom#loz skyward sword#legend of zelda link#loz link#Echoes of Heroes AU#Since it finally got a proper name#Also hi- hello-#spoilers for echoes of wisdom#that were completely unintentional#because I am not joking when I say that I had the story-line for this based off of trailer info only!#and then I played the game and realized my fiance and I were just a little TOO on the nose with some things#I received positive feedback in terms of a comic for the new AU#and unlike lost woods I'm going to try and make it more of an ongoing story#or...something#i'm still figuring it out#anyway please enjoy!#Echoes of Wisdom Link is called Echo by the way#ALSO TO THOSE WHO SENT IN REQUESTS I AM GETTING THEM DONE JUST VERY VERY SLOWLY#EoH comic
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me explaining why Will/Elizabeth/Jack love triangle was a perfect little one-movie arc that wasn't present in the final movie because it was never about choosing and instead just about dynamics and character development so they all outgrew it by then
#like first off will and elizabeth are having similar character arcs but in totally opposite directions#he loses himself and gets all sad the further into the world of piracy he gets. she blooms and becomes her best self and excels at it.#and both of their arcs are supervised by jack who is there to make fun of them until it's no longer funny#will is absolutely repulsed by him but also understands him more and more once he realizes he would do anything to get to his goal#elizabeth is absolutely repulsed by him but also wants to BE him. he is what she wishes she could be were she totally free#and her possible attraction to him is treated as FUNNY because it IS VERY RIDICULOUS. like why tf would she want this weird gross guy when#she has actual perfect loverboy will at home. well bc will just doesn't get her. he is sad and lost while she is thriving#and the only one who gets it is the old smelly clown over there. why is the compass pointing at him (bc she wants to be him so bad)#that movie is about the characters not knowing what they want. they are all at a crossroads and have to choose which way to go. so it makes#sense that the main characters have a push and pull dynamic between them!!! c'mon!!!! it is so cool!!!#eernatalk#also i know pirate king elizabeth awakened something in all of us but can i add. the look she gives jack when he stops kissing her bc of th#sound of the shackles. the way she bares her teeth like she is steeling herself for the ''you deserve to die i am not sorry for this''speec#WHEEEWW.... WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Zoro and Sanji are each other's confidants because despite constantly saying they can't stand each other, they trust the other the most when it comes to stuff they know for sure the rest of the crew won't like. They're each other's "nothing happened" moments. Sanji knows about Thriller Bark. Zoro knows about Wano. Sanji knows about all the burden Zoro has to carry. Zoro literally has Sanji's life on his hands. They trust each other with the things they can't tell their captain. They're his wings so they have to rely on each other to keep the crew from falling. There's just something about the unspoken trust and bond these two have that makes me go insane.
#not even that big on zosan but damn they have something very deep going on#the passion and devotion they share for their captain and the trust they have on each other#with their lives istg#sanji literally told zoro to kill him if he ever lost his mind like what the actual fuck was that??? he trusts him with his life i am sobbi#and it doesn't even have to be romantic their bond is just so good on its own in canon#but yeah make it romantic i love romance#one piece#black leg sanji#roronoa zoro#zosan
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Album art for Homeless Romantic III & IV by Lost in the Sauce, a DIY punk artist based in Oneonta, New York
#a very good folk punk artist!! please support him!!!#His music just got taken off Spotify and I didn't realize he was so underground!! i am devastated by the loss but his whole discography is#available online#literally in a reddit comment media fire post as well as soundcloud and also bandcamp#i've been obsessed with him for the last month and this has sparked such a hyperfixating battlecry in me#please look at the neat equipment and also think it is neat!!#my posts#lost in the sauce#diy punk#folk punk#music equipment#cool wires and things i want to touch
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Two skeletons in a trench lab coat (Patreon)
Bonus:
He’s very careful! Everything was fine before you interrupted!
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#FJdlsafjdsf Handplates fuzzes my brain#I cannot tell you how weird it feels to draw Gaster with the Lost Soul head after all this time away haha#It drops me back into the person I was when I first read Handplates - for better or for worse. It's a very strange feeling#Even drawing Sans and Papyrus again sends me back! Not as strongly but certain little details stand out#Sans' eyes especially... Very strange feeling#Anyhow! Since Fellplates sent me back down the rabbit hole and I've gotten back into rereading lightly - still not a full commitment!#Maybe soon tho 👀 I feel like I always say that haha#But in the meantime thinking of the pre-Plates Handplates time period <3 Since that's the one I'm still most familiar with haha#I love when they're still growing and learning ♪ Scaffolded baby talk! Twin language! Love 'em ♥#And fearless* mischievous little troublemakers hehe#They're so cute <3 I love the little ways they interact as young'uns - like when Papyrus will just lift Sans by his arms lol#I'd been thinking about and then had to go read the one of Sans as a the blanket/coat tickle monster and then - this ✨#''Excuse me sir I'd like One Ticket to the R Rated movie I am an adult Monster'' lol#Probably another one of those moments where Gaster is just *nervously sweats in Dad* lol - stop being so cute!#Also there's no particular meaning to when I use WingDings for his text :P Just convenience and if I remember to lol#Comics where he talks a lot are not convenient XP I have enough trouble editing on this paper ugh I will Not miss it when it's done#Even attempted this comic in as few pencil strokes/erasing as possible and it was still a pain to work with! >:0 Rude#Doubly so that I've had a Handplates comic idea for past like - year lol - and /this/ was the first one I finished pfftbl#To be fair to the other I do want to at least attempt making it a look-alike hehe ♪ You know how it is with Ideas™#I can't be too mad about it haha ♫ It did turn out quite cute after all :3
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I might delete this, but shout out feeling real grief about inanimate objects.
#this is very different from what I normally post and#it’s obviously personal. but I am experiencing feelings#and I want to get them out here#my art#anyway this just happened but I’ve lost hope but anyway if you work at a hotel in sc or nc and have recently found a clearly#22 year old stuffed lamb. dm me /j#truly experiencing the griffin McElroy quote about endings except instead of a real person it is a ball of fabric missing a lot of stuffing
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Having the Pool Dream again, handsome?
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#mdzs au#MDZS disco elysium au#[Pain Threshold - Formidable 13]: Endure it.#I am once again putting my brain ramblings on display to give me a bit more time to finish the comic this is based off of#I promise this will make sense in context. Maybe.#Disco AU gives me the opportunity to explore the idea of 'what if wwx and lwj were even *more* neurotic and haunted?'#LWJ absolutely would have repetitive nightmares about wwx with the themes of inevitability and helplessness.#Sometimes its him dying as wwx stands by. Sometimes it is him - unable to move as wwx slowly fades away.#Haunted by the past....Lost to the pale tides of mourning. Welcoming the pain just to feel the memory nearby.#See you all tomorrow for the Real Comic (manifesting it by saying it over and over again)#side note: I think wwx would be a great lifeguard. He would love heckling teens and helping out kids and old folks.#Goofy but takes the health and safety aspect of his job very seriously.#There's gotta be an AU for that out there....right?
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Definitely not a new concept but I propose: Sciles dressing up as Captain America and Winter Soldier for Halloween.
also, a more casual option:
#teen wolf#teen wolf fanart#sciles#scott mccall#stiles stilinski#scott x stiles#stiles x scott#fan art#my fan art#can you tell I drew scott first and then had lost the will to live by the time I got to stiles#I am never drawing superhero/villain costumes again#never again#I was going to draw them as spiderman and deadpool but changed my mind#I still might tbf#and then I really will lose the will to live#but they just fit the roles of steve and bucky so well#like scott and steve have very similar morals and logic and kindness#and void stiles = winter soldier brainwashing#and the way that stiles probably had to protect scott pre-bite but then all of a sudden scott’s the one protecting him#like pre-serum steve#I know there are probably a million fics of that au and I need to read them#also if any of the colouring is off it’s because I drew most of them with the nightlight tone on#which was very stupid of me
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being like 5’2” - 5’4” is so attractive to me like omg ur head fits right under my chin and right in my tits ♡ let me hold you. i love being a tall girl
#im not picky about height. i do have a preference for shorter ppl tho 🙈#i just like being bigger hehe. like augh i love how u fit in my arms i love how i curl around u when we spoon i can hold u so close#im basically a giant teddy bear that holds u back n keeps u cozy. but also being small means ur so easy to fold n toss around 😩💕#i want to be big and comfy like.. my arms r always a good place to relax 💆🏾♀️#we can trade places sometimes‚ i won't say no 😏💕 but i wanna take care of you 💐🧎🏾♀️ this is already fulfilling for me#literally the most peaceful thing in the world#also luv to lean down or get on my knees sometimes for someone shorter than me. i am a hugger i am wrapping my arms#around ur waist and squeezing us together (but not too much). i enjoy being pressed against each other#having to hug someone over the shoulders out of convenience is always like nooo i give really good hugs i promise#lost the plot here folks.. this is a short person appreciation post ♡ that was very hot of you#my easily excitable heart thanks u 🙈 im so drawn to u like waow 👉🏾👈🏾 hi#god..
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i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess
#they say they dont mind but i need to really. stop#im stuck.#and i know it’s hard on my friends to see me like this since i’ve been doing a lot better and now am back to my old habits#but i felt bad because they took me out shopping and to dinner tonight and i just had a headache and was limping and couldnt stop talking#about the recent death in my family and all the stress from classes and socially and how lost i feel#and i just wanted so bad to just. enjoy myself but i couldnt#but my friends know about how severe my depression is and are all very used to it#its in fact more normal than not. but i was really. feeling at my best for several months so the crash back down to not eating and sleeping#and being unable to fully tidy my room and all that stuff has been. difficult for me as well as those around me#it’s been normal for me for so long to live terribly that taking care of myself for a while and then losing the drive to has been. hard#im trying to get better but i slide back down#i need to work on my constant self loathing but i keep walking around just. conviced im such a burden and being sad makes it even worse#i just. am always overcompensating for my lack of#ability to love myself with just. constantly showering everyone around me with love and its. hard for me when i dont have the energy to do#even that anymore. its hard to let people take care of me when i just want to take care of them all the time
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