#I am just kind of numb tbh

[itspileofgoodthings]

.

[tunapesto]

cosplaying is healing me personally (killing my wallet, also)

[ef-1]

legs & lessons in perseverance | march '23

[wolverinedoctorwho]

Today is not only the day we wrapped the show where I met my first ex in 2017, but it's also the day my most recent ex and I got together in 2022.

Not sure how to feel about that, other than...

[uplatterme]

love bites ♡

—cannibalism, s&m dynamics, bondage, blindfold, ball gag, double penetration, toys | dom!reader/sub!aether, s!reader/m!aether, reader is not gender-specified but does penetrate, aether's genitals are referred to with both cunt and cock (it is mentioned he has two holes + a cervix, but i didn't intend for him to be afab/intersex i just wrote ig?) —this is short. it's been in my drafts because i wanted to add more but i think this is fine tbh.

The ground below Aether is entirely soaked with his fluids. Both of his holes are filled, being controlled by the remote in your hand. It’s currently at a steady rhythm, but that doesn’t stop him from whining.

Aether’s head tilts back, a muffled groan erupting from his throat as another hit from your whip laid against his bare skin.

His steps staggered on the floor, only able to stand up with the tip of his toes as his wrists were tied too high to the ceiling, his short stature being barely even able to touch the ground with his feet.

It’s only been a couple of minutes or so, maybe an hour? He couldn’t tell accurately with the gag and blindfold numbing most of his senses so that he’d only focus on the pain you were giving to his rear.

The room was quiet except for the occasional screams and hitting, or the liquid that squirts onto the floor as Aether moans loudly onto the ball gag.

It was never easy whenever your jealousy took over you…but it was definitely fun. Especially for the immortal star whose skin was starting to bruise.

“They don’t deserve you.” Your voice rings in his ears.

“You don’t need to think of them, just focus on me.”

You take off the gag, dropping it mindlessly as it clatters on the ground. Next followed the blindfold, and though his eyes were stained, that didn’t take away from their shine.

With ease, you pull out the vibrator in his front. His wetness leaves a trail as you easily pull it out with how wet his insides are.

Aether flinches at the way he’s suddenly left feeling empty.

Although that doesn’t last long as that’s when he feels you stretching his hole, filling him tightly until he’s squirming onto nothing, unable to hold himself or even crawl away.

“If I can’t keep you in here, I suppose I’ll just leave enough marks so everyone knows who you belong to.” 

Aether whines at the prospect. He knows it’s a useless threat, especially with how he heals much faster than humans. Stil, he did appreciate the—Oh.

A loud scream leaves the outlander’s throat dry.

“Hnnghh—Aahh…Haah!”

His entire body shakes from the pain, his movements causing you to go deeper into him. A cry leaving him from feeling everything all at once.

He did not expect you to do that.

“S-So mean…” He breathes out, watching the blood from his shoulder drip down his body. Yet there’s a matching red blush on his face, as if what you did was something all normal couples do.

“You taste good.” You compliment, the torn flesh going down smoothly as you swallow.

Aether’s face leans towards you as if asking for you to share what his own body tastes like. Your lips close together, his tongue grasping the remains from you biting a part of his collar. He’s never tasted himself before, though that thought was always something he was curious about, the only problem was that he was too much of a coward to do it.

You two continue kissing, you pressing deep into his cervix, the pain coursing through him as he matches your rhythm.

“You’re so cheesy…” He states after he finally pulls back.

“What else am I supposed to do if you keep healing through all the marks I make? Hopefully, this one lasts more than a week.”

“It will…Maybe, you can just bite me again to be sure…” He suggests.

“This is supposed to be your punishment, you know?” You remind him, though it’s difficult to stay mad with the kind of faces that he pulls against you.

“It’s not my fault you get jealous easily.” He refutes.

“I don’t.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Aether says, smiling as he snickers a laugh which quickly gets cut off when you continue thrusting into him again.

“You speak when I tell you to.”

He doesn’t get to argue this time, his mind too focused on the way he’s getting penetrated so deeply. He’s forced to take each pounding, each inch that rubs against his walls sending him closer to another orgasm. His choked-up sounds continue to leak out with the thought of you being so possessive of him.

Your hands reach his cunt, his swollen cock begging to be touched. And so you fulfill that wish, earning another whimper when you slap his cock.

He’s so out of it. He loves how his body feels so much of a wreck, his sweat mixing with blood, and eventually with his cum.

He pants, his hands still tied up. His entire body trembles, the feeling of you pulling out is so agonizing itself. He wants to keep you in, he needs it. He has to take advantage of you as he doesn’t know how long until he can experience this high again.

So with a shaky voice, he asks.

“More?”

[studentbyday]

week 1. a stuttering start.

i can't believe autumn is already approaching. i feel like i haven't done much to truly live on my own terms this year... (the majority of my time was spent either chained to my desk, living the studying hermit life as usual, or...and this is a new one for this era of my life, feeling like a child following the real adults around on my travels which @zzzzzestforlife documents way better tbh. the travels, that is...)

in addition i've been feeling very unmotivated and numb this school year. even more so than usual. i've never been as zesty as...well, Zesty when it comes to new school years, but it has slowly been getting worse since i started uni and i think i'm getting dangerously close to falling off some cliff i'll later realize was an important cliff to not fall off of. do you get what i mean? i'm only speaking vaguely because i myself do not quite know.

i oscillate between wanting to be extraordinary and extra ordinary. i have fallen back into bad habits, which do not set a good precedent. and overall i feel lost. so so lost that i started reading designing your life. and dulled by the isolation of school i can hardly focus. it's not a new problem, i've just finally been able to put words to it after all these years. engaging and/or cathartic verbal conversation brings me back to life, whether i'm listening or speaking, but i don't get enough of that in my daily life...this is just a very weird mundane state to be in. don't get me wrong, i was relieved to get back to this life with a very predictable pattern after the hectic-ness of travel, but something about it always felt off and i almost can't believe that only now i've realized why.

anyway, feelings pass. and i have overcome the jet lag, so i am that much more energized (and perhaps a little more desperate) to bulldoze through this problem.

Study:

Read/skimmed all the syllabi for anything new (much of it is the same year-to-year as they're all courses in the same faculty and i am resigned to the fact that there will be weighty group work in at least one course out of every year)

Caught up on course announcements

Finished microbiology module for this week (hmmm i read like half of this module last year when i attempted and then dropped this course so it wasn't the most interesting the second time around but i think it'll get better as i get to the new stuff and the nitty-gritty details 🔬 mwahahaha 🦠 i also decided last minute to make flashcards for these and had to transfer my notes to anki. i wish there weren't so many isolated facts or similar but distinct processes i need to remember.)

Made flashcards for half of this week's immunology content (seems to be a memorization-heavy course and i think i really need the active recall since i barely remember the pre-req info 😅 luckily they review it in the module... 🤭)

Reviewed some of the flashcards made this week

Worked on (but didn't finish) global health slides for this week (i'm...not entirely sure what i should be taking notes on or how because...this all seems either very common sense or kind of..."woo-woo" based on my way of understanding the world...but ig that's my own biases talking? i hope they'll just test us on the common sense stuff. that will be easier for my brain 🥴)

Around half of pathology slides are left from this week (probably the most work intensive course i'm taking rn based on the timeline 😵 but also it's shaping up to be my favorite subject this semester because the modules are so well designed AND it's large processes or, even if it's smaller concepts, they're all connected to each other so i don't need flashcards!...i think! i can just pull on the thread of memory and it all unspools (...ideally...)!)

Wrote down due dates for all assessments this semester

Other life things: (yeah idk what to call this section)

I became a 6AM girlie!!! 🥰🥰🥰

Unpacked

Washed my water bottle

Caught up with a friend 💗

Health:

Yoga x2

Journalled x2

Early morning walk in nature x1 (the air smelled so so fresh i was so glad i went out...and even gladder that i went out when i did because after that the air quality got super bad from wildfire smoke 🥺)

Pilates x1 (i made it! in 2 split sessions, but still! and i feel great!!! 😃 i'm so glad i found this channel because she explains the moves in a way that i can get it even with my bad coordination 😅 she also goes slowly and there is no annoying workout music so i can completely focus on the movements and how they feel, it's perfect. 😊)

Music in My Head:

Blue Danube Waltz (OG piano version)

Treat People With Kindness

On the Sunny Side of the Street

Hikaru Nara (the perfect song for my current ambivalent mood because the whole theme of the anime, which is reflected in the sound of this arrangement, is the need to reignite your spark for the things that mean something to you and make the absolute most of it because life is short)

a few dark academia playlists that i put on loop to study to (links under the cut) (somehow the ones with new age music are the only ones i can listen to...light/quiet enough that it doesn't interrupt my thoughts but intense and melodic enough that it puts me in the mood to focus 😅)

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Enhypen as a Boyfriend

Okay, diving into how each member will be like as a boyfriend as of now, so I got more cards than I wanted, but hey, they like to talk lol and just felt like keeping it that way, so here we go. Looking at these cards right away, man, there is some intense energy here, here we go.

I will stress I keep it real, I take whatever messages come to me, it isn't always pretty. We are all flawed beings, no judgment here. I got to say this, because this one was intense, especially the eldest ones.

Heeseung (4 of Cups/The Devil/The Moon) Ugh, so I have been doing love readings for him for a while before posting and this boy gets the devil card a lot! So, it is back! *Sighs* Okay, so he may have a tendency to have attachment issues, can be possessive, and a jealous boyfriend. I can assume he has an anxious attachment style, just assuming. But then, on the flip side can distance himself and detach as well. He may have the tendency to numb his problems or emotions in relationships. I also get a strong addictive pattern with him in general, but not sure how that plays in relationships. He can be emotional and nurture the needs of his partner but can also bottle it down. Not getting a lot of great messages here. I mean these two cards don't give me someone with healthy, not boundaries popping up in my head, but wanting to say healthy relationships patterns. I can say he can be the type to tend and nurture the emotional needs of his partner. I want You to Need Me by Celine Dion is popping in my head. I got to listen to that song, because it may be significant to how he feels in relationships, interesting. Because I haven't heard or thought of that song in forever lol

Jay (The Hanged Man/Chiron) How I feel this boy doesn't want to deal with relationships right now, but that's another topic, but hey it is popping up here, so he may want to stress that. I don't know if he is really showing me the type of boyfriend he will be to be honest, more so that he has been hurt by love, like he has been ghosted and hurt by that, why am I getting this?! He's the type to wait for a person's call or message. Anyway, I can see him as a reflective boyfriend. The type that can work through the difficult periods in a relationship and try to work it out. He may be able to see the hurt he may have caused, sorry, that came to me. It is like the energy is giving me specific things here that may have happened to him. I tap into the energies at hand, so what I just got is, I know I am not the perfect boyfriend, but give me time to heal, wow, that is wild. Man, I had to sit with that a bit. I think I'll move on here.

Jake (Page of Swords/Sextile) So, had to laugh when the Page of Swords popped up, because well, not surprised, anyway. I always see this card as someone you may need to be cautious of, sorry. This can also show he is cautious communicating or speaking his truth in relationships. He may be hesitant to move forward. I also see him not having much knowledge regarding relationships, but a curiosity to learn. I don't see him sharing much as boyfriend. But he may want to learn about his partner. Relationships just don't seem easy to him and can be a mental challenge for him. With that sextile energy, there will be ups and down, high and lows, but this energy always leads to good outcomes. This kind of gives me he enjoys intensity in relationships, like the tension brings spark, so yeah, tried not to go too much into that, if you get it you do, but if you don't, sorry.

Sunghoon (Ace of Wands/5 of Swords/House 6) What is this!? Oh no, so this is where you are taking me...Okay, he may like to start fights or he just starts it, because of the passion he has. I think it is more his passion leads to fight, but I am not sure what that means tbh. I don't see him as wanting to start fights, because he seems to hate arguments from his energy. I wish you can understand the mental battle I am having to explain this. Okay, it is like he does off the cuff things without thinking that leads to fights. I will also say that card is a sexual card, so he might act on his impulses or be accused of it, just saying, I write how I feel. As a boyfriend he might miss details and not understand things that lead to fights. With that House 6 card, the one message says practical details, it is like he misses certain details in relationships that causes problems. This is so weird and a bit specific than I wanted, anyway. I can say he is very passionate, but it can run out quickly with the card being an ace. It is like he runs hot and then cold. This was all over the place honestly. I don't know what I picked up on here.

Sunoo (Page of Wands/Air) Okay, this one is on the lighter side, thank god. He is fun and airy is what I got. He is curious, playful and adventurous. He can have a tendency to be immature with this page energy. He is also very open-minded, willing to adapt and learn from his partner. He loves the exchange of ideas as well. I can see him liking a bit of banter. Honestly, he is just here to have a good time. Once again, not getting he wants things to be too serious and deep. That was short and sweet lol

Jungwon (8 of Swords/Fixed) He can be pretty stubborn and stuck in his ways as a boyfriend. I am getting fixed mindset. I will say he is loyal, dependable and reliable as a boyfriend. He will be there when needed and support his partner as a boyfriend. He is consistent and stays the course, what that means, who knows. There could be an inability to act on his desires, what I mean if he is interested in someone, he may not do anything about it is what I am getting. He kind of gets stuck in his head about what to do and how to go about it. He may have fears about relationships in general. Another quick and to the point one. I don't see him being a complicated boyfriend honestly, he may just struggle to act as one. Also, his lack of experience may be the reason it isn't as complicated as the hyung line lol

Ni-Ki (2 of Pentacles/Libra/Uranus) I kind of like this energy. I see him not being into conventional relationships, break the status quo mindset. I mean whatever the status quo is in Japan, he may veer of that. Also, he likes freedom and is open minded to try new things. With the Libra and 2 of Pentacles, he definitely likes it to be fair and balanced. He wants harmony. He would want consideration on both sides as a boyfriend. He is also someone who will not put all his energy in relationships. He got other things to do is what I hear. He will fit you in when he can lol I am not sure that is how you go about it, but that is Venus in Cap energy. I am not seeing him be too emotionally invested here. He may be that way at times, but that won't be an everyday occurrence. I am hearing a practical bond. He wants something practical and sustaining.

Okay, that was crazy. I am not sure why these energies get so heavy and specific, but I am here for the ride, interesting stuff though. I will stress don't take anything here is fact. I just go with what I get, takes what resonates, leave what doesn't. I don't really like putting them in a bad light, but at the end of the day I keep it real. If the message comes through, I take it. I am just a girl with cards here lol Also Hyung line got some work to do, but we all do on our healing journey of life.

[dawnoftime22]

this is me trying.

| T.S

Warnings: not a mentally good mindset, thought of getting a therapist, R crying at Taylor's present, Tay mentioning R getting through the year, not proofread

Summary: You felt down even as your birthday came up. But even through it all, Taylor manages to eventually brighten your day and even had a special treasure hunt planned out just for you.

Word Count: 3.1k

Category: Fluff, Comfort

A/N: this has so many hidden little meanings, just how I like it. its kinda more relationship anniversary themed tbh, but its still cute<3 made this before I got myself back up and expected sadness all the next days, but I'm okay now :]

| Started on 01/12/2024, 7:21 AM |

| Finished on 01/12/2024, 5:54 PM |

Main Masterlist | T.S Masterlist

Request Guidelines

“Pulled the car off the road to the lookout, could've followed my fears all the way down...”

|——————————— ⸆⸉ ———————————|

Today was that time of the year again.

A day you didn't know whether to hate, love, dread for, or dance for. Your age went up another number— you felt like you were wasting time. How did people deal with this again? They probably don't. You don't. Oh, actually, by doing something...or getting a therapist. You sighed at the thought.

It was just the date, your head said to itself. But there was no excuse that you've been feeling nothing for the past few weeks. Well, at least you weren't down that bad as to the point it would be concerning, but you didn't feel great either.

It wasn't dissociation. It wasn't numbness. You were going through the motions, taking whatever life was throwing at you as you tried to just keep being there. Well, you weren't even taking it at all, you were just holding whatever situation in your hands for a second, like it was just simply the daily paper, then throwing it right back at life.

Like being nonchalant, but you weren't nonchalant. There was truly no way to explain it. You had simply gone through too much to have been fazed, too done with what the universe had up its sleeves. It was probably confused at your reaction of being neither sad or mad. Good. You hoped so.

Had anyone else gone through this? Feeling so lonely in your perspective of thought, up to the point you couldn't have a way to explain it? For sure. It certainly didn't provide any help to you thinking whether you were a good person or a bad person.

You took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly to start your day slowly. You had woken up so early in the day, the sun was just barely about to come up.

But after staying cozy under the covers, staring at your phone or the walls of your bedroom, you willed yourself out of bed anyway, fighting the feeling of staying curled up all day.

Taylor wasn't next to you in bed, and you were sitting in your own house, after all. She stayed last night, but had to go in the morning, and somehow you had missed her. You felt a tinge of sadness, but she promised you and teased you of her plans today constantly, which kept your spirits up in a way.

You peeled your shirt off, getting yourself ready to go step into the shower. The steps your feet padded along your wooden floors were quiet, unmistakably a trait of yours you got so much that you'd accidentally scare some people without meaning to.

The bathroom was an immensely different temperature compared to your room, but it was in all the right ways. It wasn't too hot or too cold, and the lighting was kind to your eyes.

As you cleaned yourself up, you let the scents of the shower gel and shampoo fill your senses. You were doing everything, but your mind was spaced out, though you had to admit, the shower was a distraction to get anything else out from your thoughts.

You felt alright for a moment. It was like the water was carrying your weight for you before it gave it right back just as you turned off the shower.

As you felt the heaviness go through your body even after you've freshened up, you did all the mundane tasks. Getting your clothes on, opening the curtains, and finally, grabbing your phone and headphones to head to the kitchen.

You had 'Male Fantasy' by Billie Eilish playing in your ears, cycling through her music for your day. You were sure the music video of that song was all that you looked like, felt like and encapsulated.

Making breakfast felt like it was a chore. You ate, it was gone as fast as it came, but at least you made through it best as you could.

You opened up your phone, going through your notifications rather than leaving it be for once. There weren't many birthday wishes, but you were used to it. The most that you would cherish is one from yourself to say much, and Taylor.

You did see a message from her, but it wasn't a wish, it was something that only made your heart swell in curiosity.

'Hey, sweetheart. You should check the pocket of my hoodie I gave you<3'

Sent at 11:46 AM

Read at 11:58 AM

Her text message had made you blink. The nickname made your heart swell, but the rest of it was mysterious, save from the fact that she had a teensy heart next to all of it.

But you got up from your chair instantly, grabbing your plate and mug to put in the sink to wash and rest on the drying rack, eager to find what Taylor has been up to.

By the time you let the kitchen towel soak up the water on your hands, you went off to your bedroom once more, going in to find her hoodie.

Usually, it'd be on the bed, but when your eyes searched, there was nothing. So, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion before you instead went to check the closet.

She was cheeky. You borrowed a lot of hoodies from her. You'd have taken a guess that it was the most recent one she gave you, but it was empty of anything.

You had to search every one, checking the pockets and worrying nearly that a double check would be needed. But it wasn't long until your hand soon felt something poking it. Of course, it was hidden in her favorite hoodie.

When you took it out, it was a piece of a folded paper. It was starting to come together to you. Her plan was a possible treasure hunt. Joy filled your heart, and you unfolded the paper.

'By the roaring of where the wind meets something blue, where will I be? Something so, so due, I hide under a resting spot.'

You had to think about it for a while, pausing as your eyes stared at the writing on the piece of paper.

The thoughts in your head lead to the lesser known beach, where Taylor always spent time with you, having your private time together without anyone spotting you.

You smile widely, and instantly went to get ready, grabbing the hoodie you retrieved the riddle out of to wear.

It was warm and cozy, filling you with the feeling of sweet fuzziness from love. Your steps were through your house, and your hand reaches for your keys.

Once the door was shut, you were on your way to the beach. It was close by, so you chose to walk. The sun was kissing your skin. Was Taylor doing all this just to get you to go outside? Maybe. But you follow your path anyway, looking around the area.

The beach was empty when you arrived, just how you liked it. The wind was making itself known with its whistles passing by your ear, and the seas were crashing its waves onto shore gently.

You looked at the paper in your hand again, having kept it in the same pocket earlier, going over the words to then look around.

'Something so, so due, I hide under a resting spot.'

A resting spot. You search the nearby wooden swings, but there were nothing, and they weren't completely a place to rest at.

After a few more steps, you spot a bench sitting right near the shop that sold seashells and trinkets. You had forgotten there was one there, and it had been a while since you enjoyed any ice cream with Taylor there. It might've been where you sat on your first date too, but it hadn't been revisited until now.

Your heart swells, and you smiled softly, but starting to search for whatever it was you're looking for. But every part had nothing. You were only hoping you were at the right spot, even though there was no doubt now.

You nearly felt like you were probably looking like a mad person, looking around for something at a bench, or hoping it looked like you lost something.

But thankfully, there was no one around to peer on your treasure hunt, and soon enough, you searched under the bench, seeing something gleaming.

Carefully, you used the flashlight on your phone and looked below, reaching out to grab the item taped under the bench, avoiding anything that could be sticky or dusty, perhaps even have a bug.

Turning off your flashlight, you look at the box. It was light blue, just about the color of her album, 1989. And of course, when you opened it, it had a necklace with a seagull charm. Smiling widely, you took it out to admire it. There were two other charms next to it, spelling 'T.S,' and you might just die out of love.

Above where the necklace was sitting, there was another note in Taylor's handwriting.

'Sweet love; thats what you are. I wear your initials, so will you too? :) My next spot is where I lay most with you, wondering if you'll be in one place with me at all times.'

P.S, smile, baby :

You were about to feel stumped by her sweetness, but at the picture you just couldn't help but laugh, and now you were sure you looked like a mad person.

Your heart thumped slightly against your chest, reading over the words again like it was a love letter— and it really kinda was, but you think about it, biting your lip.

'One place with her at all times,' the only thing that had come into your mind was when she would randomly wonder about you going to move in with her. You said you would have loved to, but you both decided to do it once she settled down with her tour.

Really, it was just so you wouldn't be awfully alone in the house, but it was also because she didn't have much time to help you move in just yet. Besides, it’s better to soak up the moment of it than going fast.

'The place where I lay most with you,' you were thinking of your bed. Well, there was her bed too, but considering your house was closer, you decided to go to yours.

You store the necklace back, delicately putting the lid back on and carrying the box back with you.

Once you were back in your bedroom, you look to the bed, which had nothing but your plushies sitting on the pillows. You'd had searched under them, or anything that could hide a riddle, but nothing.

When you lifted up the pillow on the side Taylor would sleep on though, there, the next riddle was sitting peacefully.

'Come home, sweetheart. I love you.<3'

It wasn't a riddle, it was just...words. But it was soft. You could imagine it in her voice, and after everything the past weeks of your life has been, you were about to curl yourself up in bed and cry it out, thinking the words over and over.

But it wasn't an invitation. It was her telling you to come home. Home was her. And her house was your home too. You took in a breath, slowly exhaling it out to gather yourself together, blinking away anything that could give way to a tear.

You stored the note in your pocket, and went to your car, driving carefully to make sure you arrive to her house safe and sound. She was waiting, her car sitting in the driveway itself.

Once you killed your engine and got out, you walk up to her front steps and stood at the door, your heart beating faster than normal as you stared at it, then took all your courage to ring the doorbell.

Taylor heard it; it was clear by the sound of movement. "Hold on!" you hear her voice call out from the other side of the door. A smile rose up on your lips, unable to contain the excitement you felt. You hadn't felt this excited in a while.

It took just a few seconds, rolling on your feet as you waited, but it didn't take long until the door opens, and behind it, revealed Taylor standing with a cake in her hands.

Your lips part in surprise at the sight, and Taylor smiles softly.

"Happy birthday!!" she said, her eyes roaming your face. She could see the shock in all your features, and you breathed out a chuckle, disbelief spread all through you.

"Tay...I thought you had work..." you whispered softly, vulnerability in your voice, and her eyes soften, realizing now that you possibly had thought the treasure hunt meant that it was something she made because she was busy.

"No. Of course not, for you..." she reassured, her gaze loving as she took a few steps back to let you in.

You went in, closing the door behind you and taking off your shoes as she went to the kitchen, setting down the cake in her hands carefully.

"I...can't believe you did all that for me." You followed her to where she was, watching as she grabbed a lighter to light up the candles on the cake.

You were trying your best not to fall into your emotions the best you could, seeing the care and patience she held even as she finished up and you hesitated.

She smiles gently. "Make your wish...and blow out the candles." The cake turned to face you, and you stepped closer to it, thinking about your wish before blowing out the fire, smoke clouding up just a little bit.

You could see the writing on the cake and just how perfect it was. It was your favorite type, too. "Thank you..." you whispered, turning your head to look at her. She could hear the smallness growing in your voice, and her heart only further swelled.

"Come here," she murmurs, opening her arms. You would have nearly leapt into hrr if you were a bouncy joy that was dancing on your birthday, but you went to her like you needed the hug. Like you hadn't gotten one in years on end.

You melt into her embrace, your own arms wrapped tightly around her too as you closed your eyes, giving a gentle squeeze. She returned it with an endearing kiss on your head.

"I'm so proud of you, baby." She says, leaning back to capture your eyes, still keeping you close.

She knew the things you've been facing, whether with emotion or not, or with feelings you couldn't name or describe, and all she wanted to do was keep you safe in her arms. You let out a slow breath that made you relax, your hand clutching her shirt.

She brought a gentle hand up to one of your cheeks, cupping and caressing soothingly. "I love you...I love that you've made it through the year too, because I don't know what I would do if not," she whispers, smiling softly, but you could see the true worry of love in her eyes, and you wanted to cry right then and there.

"I love you too..." you breathed, your voice nearly breaking in on itself. She gave a kiss to your cheek, both hands moving to cup them now, and nuzzled into your nose.

After doing so and making sure you weren't pulling away, she slowly leans in for a soft kiss on your lips, her hands bringing you closer to her.

She smiled lovingly at you, looking into your eyes before her hand dropped down to yours to intertwine, your fingers interlocking so she could guide you to the couch.

"Sit here..." she murmurs, settling you there to sit comfortably. The TV had your favorite film. You thought she was going to go cut up a slice of the cake so you could both enjoy it while watching together, but when she stepped away, she didn't go to the kitchen.

"I got you something too, hold on," she murmurs, quickly going to her bedroom to grab it and walking out by holding the hole handles. You watched her, frozen with your heavyloaded heart.

"A surprise...?" you teared up a little when you heard her words, having not had a single person to ever give you such a surprise.

"Yeah, baby, be careful..." she whispers, holding it out to you. She knew how much it meant to you, having heard your words once before of not caring what you got for your birthday, as long as it was heartfelt.

As long as it was sweet. It didn't even need to be thoughtful honestly, you would have taken a paper craft or anything handmade and you would've let out tears too.

You shakily opened the lid of the box, and the sight inside only made the world stop. The most adorable furball popped up, curiosity and confusion evident in its face.

"Its a kitten..." you only wanted to cry further at the gift, seeing the smallest cat, right there out the box. Right there. Something you've always wanted, as much as Taylor had her own cats, now you had one for yourself.

You gently and hesitantly picked it up. It didn't fight. It was just as gentle as you, and it was of course clean. You hug it carefully to your chest, your tears basically dampening its fur.

Taylor watched gently and lovingly, her smile wide on her face as she stood there. She took a step closer, putting a hand on your shoulder as she lets you cry it out.

"Do you like it?" she asks softly. She already knew, and she could tell just by your reaction, but she knew it was something she needed to say anyway, because you might not possibly voice out your love on this day more than a 'thank you.'

"I love it...I love it so much...thank you..." you managed to whisper through breaths of your crying, looking up to meet her eyes. You set the kitty down in your lap and opened your arms up for her, wanting her to come in for a hug.

Her expressions soften, and she instantly goes closer, sitting on the couch next to you to pull you into an embrace, her arms wrapped around you.

She was careful not to squish the sweet kitten in your lap, which hadn't moved from its spot, but looking at you two. She gives you a peck on the cheek before smiling at you, returning her attention to the kitten.

"What're we gonna name it...hm?"

----------------------

taglist <3 - join here! :]

@dmenby3100 @wandsmxmff @tia-thesimp @marvelwomen-simp @escapereality4music @fawnedolly @riaras-everthroner @lovelyy-moonlight @stevecore @midastouch013 @liloandstitchstan @maleahoswick @raven-ss @deadlymistletoe @bambisfawns @littlemissdelrey @natsxwife @orange15quote @bleachxbunny

[intimidatingpuffinstudios]

I'm not sure if this is a spoiler question or if I am just dumb, but could you please tell me why is Manny so accepting of this whole soulmate bond thing? xd like shouldn't he be the one resisting the bond with all his might and looking for all the ways to break it? (You said that there is a possible way for MC to break it, so shouldn't he be able to do it too?) After all, it was forced on him bcs of the gods he resents, no?

Also in the novel, if i remember correctly, the moment he finds out that MC is his soulmate, he says something along the lines of, "I never imagined this, but now that it's happening, hell yeah". Shouldn't he be, idk, resentful? Not cooperative? Unwilling, at least for a while? It's not like MC is some kind of hot catch for him, so why just not get rid of them before the bond even forms?

Again, sorry if you have answered this, or if it's so obvious to everyone else that there is no need for that and i am just slow lol xp (is our bbg just so lonely? I can't tell :c)

I could write a whole essay about this, tbh, but no one wants to read that lol!😆

Essentially, what it boils down to is that, at least in the beginning, that super intense urge to be with someone is something totally novel and unexpected for him.

He has never been in love or gotten emotionally attached to another person.

The newness and intensity of the feeling thrills him because he has been feeling numb for a long time.

He never thought he'd love anyone or even want to, but in that moment where he experienced true desire for the first time, he found he liked it. So trying to kill the MC would be like cutting off his own nose to spite his face.

Then, as time progressed, what he felt for the MC became deeper and was not just because of the bond.

So now he's head over heels and not trying to deny it or hide from it.

Say what you want about him, but self-delusion is not one of his flaws.

[itspileofgoodthings]

my life is a very slow process of everyone around me telling me not to be anxious and me fighting them all tooth and nail while inching towards more stable mental health.

[dyaz-stories]

Hey there! Just wanna know, what the heck happened in the JJK manga? Is it already over? Did the characters FINALLY mourn Gojo?! I gave up trying to read the manga after 236, so I just decided to randomly hear from others. But anyways, what happened??

Hey there! BOY AM I HAPPY TO DISCUSS THAT.

(I'm sorry I have so many thoughts and you've given me an excuse to ramble so this is going to be long)

There are two chapters left in the manga, it will end on September 30th. The chapter that just came out, chapter 269, was, however, really bad imo and a terrible use of time considering how little time Gege has left. I get that he had to wrap up quick, but in my personal opinion, it's inexplicable that he'd dedicate a whole chapter to what we just saw.

(More under the cut with spoilers for chapter 269)

Okay, so, the characters spend half the chapter arguing about how they could have done a better job fighting Sukuna, even though at this point, the losses are minimal. Most of the characters who were possibly dead are fine and dandy actually (Yuta, Higuruma, Todo, Kusakabe). Choso is still dead, but he gets a little line about how that's sad (and his death scene was really good and effective, so I'm not that mad about it, even if he's a character I really loved).

It kinda feels like Gege is justifying the way the fight went, which is a bit weird. In story, I think this could make sense if it was fueled by grief and loss and more of a "this person could have been saved! and this person didn't have to die!", but it feels kind of matter of fact tbh, with Maki being pretty much the only one displaying emotions. Even she seems to be arguing about efficiency, not really about saving human lives? Other characters' responses aren't much better. Yuuji in particular looks like he's super numb to everything, which again, yes, that's a trauma response, but it doesn't make for interesting storytelling and it's not going to be explored further, so... what's the point.

Also think that Yuta desecrating Gojo's corpse isn't explored enough. He did something horrifying that turned to not be that useful — going with the manga's message that the end doesn't justify the means — and he seems fine. I guess Maki yelling at him could be explained by the fact that she was strongly against this action, but it's never made explicit, which is a shame. (think it's more implied it's because he endangered himself and she has feelings for him)

The other half of the chapter is spent on a plot point that I don't think had been developed before that, about the new shadow style. This feels like the last arc Gege wanted to have and Sukuna's fight went on for too long so he had to scrap it. The point is essentially that the head of the new shadow style school is trying to become the head of Jujutsu Society as a whole now that the clans have collapsed. There was a binding vow that made it so the head of the school could steal years from people who had learned the style and add it to their lifespan. Anyway, Mei Mei steps in and makes it so the style can become more widely used.

(If you're bored reading that, yeah, so was I)

It's not useless exactly — it definitely goes towards the manga's message of ending the cycle and starting off with a clean slate, so that's a win — but it feels super rushed. It didn't have to be rushed, could have been a decent arc, it just isn't, and again, I don't think that's a great use of pages this late in the story.

Last but not least, Gojo. Gojo gets two mentions in this chapter.

The second one is in passing, when Hakari defends Yuta's usefulness.

And the first one, oooh boy the first one,

is about how this was all Gojo's fault from the get-go anyway 😃

And again, some nuance here. Kusakabe specifically says that the kids have nothing to apologize for — which I agree with. His point is that it was Gojo's responsibility to kill Yuuji. Essentially, the idea is that he was the adult, and in not doing that, he's responsible for the kids having to live with all the consequences of his actions.

Which aaaaah I'm losing it here! Yuuji was a victim of Kenjaku's machinations from the get-go, so would it have been right to kill him? Isn't this just a trolley problem — kill Yuuji and save innocent people's lives? But then, Yuuji, Sukuna and Kenjaku's actions led to the end of jujutsu society as we know it, more or less directly, which could lead to a better future, so was he actually right, in a purely consequentialist approach?

I don't think any of that is particularly interesting to discuss at this point tbh. I feel like that had already been dealt with. I'm just deeply confused as to why we're dealing with this when there were three chapters left before this one instead of focusing on closing the curtain on beloved characters, Gojo in particular.

Anyway! Bad chapter imo. Boring. Bad use of the characters and their relationships with one another. Really questionable use of time. Gojo was not mourned and in fact it's almost like he's never existed or never mattered to anyone. No Shoko here, not a hint of sadness from Yuta either, which I had hoped for.

I'm still looking forward to the last two chapters, and I hope they'll leave more room for the characters to, you know, have feelings.

[apostaterevolutionary]

Collecting some thoughts on veilguard cause tbh I really don’t know how to feel lmao so. Unstructured ramble time

I’ve watched the trailer and the demo and I feel very. Idk? Still ‘wait and see’ mode for me. It’s been 10 years. Inquisition imo was the weakest of the 3. And while I have kind of moved on from DA there is a part of me that wants this to just blow everything out of the water and be amazing. I’m just not sure if that’s what I think will happen. Right now, I just think it doesn’t feel dragon age-y enough (in terms of what I, personally, consider the defining traits of the series) but I don’t want to jump to conclusions with so little information

The trailer was. Fine. Vibes were a little off but given its Varric narrating, it makes sense (also. Unpopular opinion lmao. I love Varric but I don’t think he should be a companion again. If there’s a carry over companion, it should have been Dorian. And tbh he could still be there, considering they said 7 companions but Varric is not included in that. So did they mean 7 *new* companions and maybe a few others? Advisors again maybe? Idk. Maybe Varric is a temporary companion, but I don’t think he should be there except maybe as a cameo. Scout Harding is an unexpected but fine carry over though). I don’t really have an opinion yet on the companions themselves cause there’s just. Nothing to base an opinion on other than the character designs

Gameplay demo shows that they’re definitely going very Inquisition-y. As in, continuing further down the path it started. Which isn’t unexpected, but is a bit disappointing, though not necessarily a dealbreaker as of yet. It’s probably smart tbh to go more in an action rpg direction than back to the crpg roots given it’s going to be compared to bg3 no matter what they do - better to differentiate as much as possible. Though I don’t think that’s why they did it, probably more a happy accident. I just. Idk, I found inquisitions combat a bit boring and I haven’t been impressed by what I’ve seen yet. But a 20 minute demo is probably not enough to really form an opinion

I feel like you can still see the echoes of this being a live service game at one point too. Healing potions coming from pots found in the environment (I never got over healing spells being cut btw lmao, bring back spirit healers already), the “ability wheel” (unsure about that too, given it sounds like we can’t control companion characters anymore? Kinda really don’t like that :/), stuff like that. I still feel like DA2 combat was the perfect balance between fluidity and strategy but it is what it is. It performed badly, so they’ve disregarded it wholesale rather than consider that some aspects of it may still be worth exploring. It sucks, but that’s capitalism I guess

As for all the other little things, idk, I really am not sure what to think yet lmao. Some sound good. Some less good (why only 2 companions, I don’t like that at all - also weird that the demo shows you won’t have a tank for the initial bit of the game. That’s a weird choice). Nothing to make me go aaaaaa either positively or negatively yet. I don’t even know what to say. My feelings are just so complicated about it, but also kinda empty at the same time. Like. It’s a bit of kombucha girl meme but also muted? I would like to feel just. More about it. But I don’t yet. I’m too unsure. Not quite numb, but almost tbh

At this stage, I feel like I’m gonna wait till it comes out and see what happens. No pre-ordering until I get a better idea. It’s like. With origins, I’ve played it a lot. DA2, even more - countless times lmao. Inquisition though, I played 2.5 times immediately after release and have tried to play it multiple times since but. I only ever get 10-20 hours in before I get bored and can’t make myself continue. I’ve tried many, many times and idk why but I just can’t do it. I never even played any of the DLC, so like. I kinda need to do that first if I’m gonna play veilguard but I have never succeeded before so idk how I will now lmao. But I feel like at least trespasser is necessary and I have genuinely never played it. And I gotta play the rest of the game first to get there and I genuinely don’t know if I can sksksjs

And with that in mind like. If inquisition is that unappealing to me, a game that feels very inquisition-y, potentially leaning even more into the stuff I didn’t like about it, is. Definitely not what I was hoping for. It’s still possible it’s leagues better than inquisition and actually playing it will be a great experience. But right now I just don’t know. I probably won’t be able form any kind of opinion until it comes out and I start getting info from trusted folks that I know have good DA opinions lmao

Idk. I’m not trying to be a wet blanket or a hater, and I genuinely don’t think I am being a hater at all, but I am just. Very tired and nervous. But also cautiously hopeful. I’ve said ‘idk’ a lot lmao but I truly don’t know at this stage. I guess we’ll see. Let’s hope it’s actually amazing and the very thing we need to make the series as a whole feel like it used to for us lapsed DA fans

[wheresarizona]

Just popping in to say I hope you're ok.❤️

🥹🥹🥹 Thank you for checking up on me! I’m as okay as I can be. 😔😔😔 I think I’m just numb at this point and have accepted whatever happens, happens—I did all that I could do. Now it’s a waiting game and I am a very impatient person so this is a special kind of hell.

And you wanna know what’s fucked up? I’m still working overtime because we’re short-staffed, and I don’t want my coworkers to suffer. Like, today is my day off, and I’m doing a freaking ten-hour shift cause I’m desperately needed. I do this all the time, too, volunteering to stay late or work on my days off, and there’s a possibility they might fire me… make it make sense ‘cause I don’t get how all of the good I do is overshadowed by this one mistake—my alarm didn’t go off one morning, and I ended up being two hours late to an overtime shift. Not even my regular shift.

When I think about it, it really pisses me the fuck off tbh.

I’ll be okay. We’ll see what happens. I really appreciate how lovely everyone on here has been while I've been going through this. I’m hoping to know what the decision is sometime this week.

Thank you sooooooo much for this message! I adore you to the moon and back. 🥰🥰🥰

[piss-stained-jorts]

RIGHT

-claps hands-

some of you are new to this despair. it ain't fun. as someone who is no stranger to hopelessness, despair, fatalism, misanthropy, and an undying bitterness, I'll give it a go trying to offer some semblance of help. my soul has been a strange kind of melancholy for over 15 years. I experience a few seconds of true happiness once every few months. and yet, here I stand. I think it'd be better if the whole world burned, but I ain't holding a match. point is, it's entirely possible to keep going, even in this state.

even in saying this, I have my doubts it'll do anything positive at all. I'm doing it anyway. I do it with the same defeatism I experience when I go to vote in a deep South red state. a single drop of blue dye in a sea of red blood. I know, objectively, that nothing will come of my actions. I do it anyway. for selfish reasons, I do it anyway.

I'm not here to help you out of it. I'm gonna offer some advice on living on inside it. I don't know how to get out of it yet, either. I'm working on that. again, maybe it helps, maybe it does nothing. here we go.

I recommend booking a therapy appointment. this is my biggest, most helpful advice TBH. I didn't go for a long time. didn't think i could afford it. turns out, there's secret little things in the world to help you afford it. me, I went to healthcare.gov, found some cheap ass insurance, and now I'm in therapy for severe mental health issues. I'm getting a second therapist, too. there's some deeeeep rooted shit in me. there's very likely deep rooted shit in you, too, and it's a great time to find someone who can help dig it out. ain't a cure all, and you'll have to see it as a conversation instead of someone coming and fixing you. they aren't a knight in shining armor with all the answers, but two heads are better than one.

I also recommend poetry. not just reading it, but writing it. the angrier and sadder the better. every raw, honest feeling. do not judge whatever comes out. don't worry about structure. don't worry about making it readable. make vent art, too.

I recommend familiar, comforting foods. things that remind you of those pockets in time when you were warm and safe. old foods, old games, old imaginary friends. yes, the imaginary friend thing extends to grown ups. a positive voice that is only ever kind and loving to you, no matter what. it's your own voice echoed back, after all.

I recommend caring about people. it helps to keep you in this world if you have someone else in it you love so, so fucking much.

I recommend bitching. bitch about your feelings and the world and the state of things with someone who also wants to bitch.

I recommend sad, angry, bitter, hopeless songs, under the caveat that it won't make you want to kill yourself. if listening to sad music makes you wanna die more, do not do this. me, I find songs about dying and being miserable comforting because I feel seen and understood in a way I feel I have been failed. maybe that's not how your brain works, though. just be safe and don't die.

under no circumstances kill yourself. you don't want to die. your brain is coping and trying to take back a sense of control when you feel powerless, and that's the solution it can think of because it's straightforward. do not do this.

if a sense of hope does come, don't push it away. if it leaves quickly, breathe and enjoy the few seconds you have with it. don't berate yourself if you don't feel the way you "should." there is no should or should not with emotions or the lack of them.

I recommend finding something to do, or something to put off. me, I keep saying I'll write a book, make a game, do all sorts of things. maybe I will, maybe I won't. it's something to do or say I'll do in the future. a sense of purpose. even if I never do it, it's still there.

learn to see the worth in both the retching pain and the numbness. when I am overcome with despair and anguish, I find the worth in that I'm still able to care that much, that I have a consistent muse for my work, and that crying is cathartic. when I'm numb, I find worth in the cool, calm gray color that mutes my existence, and the lack of pain makes the boredom a welcome respite. it still blows, and I'd trade it for joy and hope any day of the week, but the joy machine doesn't work anymore. working on that one.

listen. listen. I don't know what the fuck the future holds. pithy statements of hope don't help me, so I won't give them to you. be there for your friends, be there for yourself, give space to your feelings. I know. I know these new feelings are scary. you've never felt them like this before. you're new to this, I know you are. I promise you, you can keep living. I promise you, it's possible to find little joys, even here in the nightmare. I know the feeling of drowning in the ocean with hardly a sail to keep you is scary. I know from lived experience that it's possible for it to become bearable. I still believe, though I'm not there yet, that it's possible to leave this dark forest. I am bitter and resentful and I feel cheated and I don't think feeling any of this makes anyone a bad person.

it hurts so much, I know. I know it hurts. I know words can't make it all better. this world we live in is not what it should be. you are so cherished.

[justalittlelilac]

Hi hi! I just finished reading the latest part of your Qui fic and I am dying!! It was so well written and so beautifully put! Every scene was written out so well that I felt myself getting lost in the world! And the angst!! Ahh the angst was so wonderful! The way you described the numbness and the static taking over... it really hit me (and hit close to home tbh). And I just felt pained everytime Qui looked at them with softness and, and... ahhh!! You did such a fantastic job!! Proud of you for getting this part done! And don't ever apologize for it being 'too long'! It was such a perfect read! Favourite line, btw: "Like everything else lately, whether you were ready or not, autumn was slipping away." ^ I just love how it has double meaning!! Anyways, keep up the wonderful work! I can't wait to see more! Of course, don't push yourself too hard and don't forget to rest! - Crow

You got me cryin' in the cubicle right now 😭

I'm so happy what I was trying to convey came across well! I really wanted to describe feelings that I think a lot of us have experienced to some degree. To be honest, it had me doing a lot of internal reflecting and mind body connection. It was very cathartic! Thank you for the kind words, they mean so much to me.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas! I'm sorry just need to rant so day's been pretty shit my marks are vv bad.....but expected tbh like I told u these exams are vvvvv hard I got 71/100 in eng lit 70/100 in geog 80/100 in phy I've been depressed since after skl and skl was omg so fucking bad C wont even talk to me My seatmate R was a great help I had 3 panic attacks today and she kinda helped me through them But now at home it's just total shit After I came from tuition (sort of like tutoring for certain subjects) I was literally in the car with mom on our way home and both my mom and tuition teacher were criticizing abt me and I was already crying before then They tell me that I'm too helpful or that I panic and that is no reason IFK THAT IT IS NO REASON......NO NEED TO POINT IT OUT!!!!!!!!! And skl is off tomorrow so I will be even more depressed at home My dad's gonna kill me idk if i'll get my pc now and I just honestly want to die cuz this shit is maddening On top off that my skl teachers embarrassed me My English teacher told me that she expected more from me My Hindi teacher called me in front of the whole class and asked me why I used a red pen for heading Bitch was colorblind it was fucking pink and I couldn't point that out to her cuz she'll be more bitchy And everyone tells me that I hv boards (sort of like GCSE's) in 10th so considering my status i'll probably fail They tell me it's useless to cry...and I'm just making a big deal (idk how that came up) basically I'm crying to show that I realize my mistakes but I dont reallly realize it.... LIKE BITCH I WOULD CRY FOR SHOW DO YOU FUCKING THINK I WANT EVRY1 TO KNOW I'M DEPRESSED!?!?! My class thinks I'm some dumb kid and honestly idk wht they think(glad idk) Idek anymore..... Like the pain is so bad I cant express it and I feel numb just literally no emotions rn except depression(edited) tx for listening <33

Hi!

Okay so I don't know the grading system where you live but isn't a 70 and 71 still a passing grade? Passing is still something to be proud of. These adults sound awful, like...how are you supposed to feel like you're able to succeed when all they do is make you feel stupid?

Please try to take deep breaths and be kind to yourself. I am so proud of you and I know how hard it can be. These grades are nothing to be ashamed of <3