#I am hurting myself
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I can’t stand how ✨pretty✨this damn deer is
Please take him from me
#alastor#radiostatic#hazbin hotel#alastor is the prettiest fr#staticradio#hazbinhotel#voxal#me too Vox#why is t.v so precious like this#I am hurting myself#xexedraws#xexe’s WIP_HELL#vox
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Modern trek really poses the question, what in the hell were Carol Marcus and Jim Kirk thinking?
I know I covered it a bit in my other posts. But like....
This is the 2200s. Abortion is legal. Jim and Carol both had ample time to discover the pregnancy. They both knew beforehand that neither Jim or Carol would give up their own career for the other. Carol did not want to raise a son in Kirk's shadow, or one that would endanger himself like Jim would. So.... why????
I can only imagine Carol wanted to keep the baby, in spite of what she knew. And Jim's options would be what? Quit starfleet and stay with Carol? Which is kind of a none option, and I doubt one Carol raised because they both knew each other and loved each other even if they weren't completely compatible.
Then we come to Jim, who is now faced with the option of saying no to Carol keeping the baby (Which would be a valid option, because I'd imagine it would be as simple as taking a pill with no ill effects at that point) But Jim doesn't do that either. Whether he wants the baby for himself (in a existential kind of way) or for Carol, because she asked him, I don't know.
I do wonder if it keeps him up at night though. And whether sometimes he regrets to agreeing and not getting to see David.
#Where No Man Has Gone Before and Then Some#star trek#star trek tos#jim kirk#carol marcus#star trek the wrath of khan#strange new worlds#I am hurting myself#but yeah - just saying - abortion was well within both their rights#and probably super easy#so all I can think is that they both kinda discussed it - and carol came out of it really wanting a child
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all i have left
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#fushiguro megumi#itadori yuuji#yuuji#megumi#hhhhhhhhh why angsty mood im hurting my me :((((((#go from megumi angst 2 dumb outfits then HARD pivot back 2 angst#u dont understand th clench in my heart i get drawing th sukuna scars on megumi i genuinely hate it so much#theyre such a Part of yuuji's design tht drawing them on megumi feels so viscerally wrong n it just hammers home that nothing is alright#had to listen 2 the cutesiest music possible while drawing this 2 keep myself sane#miku miku beam th pain away :)#real talk tho like. im really not one to b terribly emotionally affected by my own art. or to draw from my Own emotional state at all rly#i tend 2 keep myself pretty distant#but theres smth abt this one man this one pulls at th kokoro :(#suffering from success ig :/#created an emotionally poignant piece n it hurt. 0/10 wld not recommend. am going back to drawing boys shirtless >:c#gna draw something else so i stop feeling genuine human emotion
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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Firefox-official vs electronicmail
Hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby
okay come up with a better idea then. firefox-official is gone asshole it’s electronicmail or nothing
#this one was hard to respond to because it elicited the usual anon rage in me#but i had to think about it anyway.#this blog has been around for less than a month and it is driving me fucking crazy#don’t you think i know?#dont you think it hurts enough already#i dont want this blog either i want my old blog back with all my stuff on it#i would like to stick around#because i loved posting#and i get that you’re just having fun#but i’m making an example of you#less than a month vs five years#‘household name’ firefox official#spent five years building that thing#and now it’s just this.#i keep forgetting#and then i’m here again#not home#i know you all feel bad enough for me already#but it’s so hard to be myself because the environment on here is SO different#we were HAPPY#WE WERE SO HAPPY#Umm… Or whatever.#guess i could go back to firefox unofficial#but that feels far too close to the sun. and i’m done with the wings i think.#i dont mean to be so serious#a total mood killer i know#i just dont know how to proceed exactly#because when i post like normal i cant help but feel sad#and when i post about being sad its just sort of obnoxious#i’m not really asking for pity i just want to explain where i am at
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I think about Zuko and Ursa a normal amount
#atla#avatar#avatar the last airbender#zuko#ursa#atla fanart#em draws#illustration#I had heart of stone from SIX playing on loop while drawing both of these#because I enjoy hurting myself#I am on a fucking roll right now apparently#cannot go five seconds without drawing something#the stuff I've been posting is so incredibly self-indulgent but y'know what. I do not care#normally i'd have a modicum of shame but nope#if I want Zuko to look sad in his mom's robes then that's what he's going to do <3#privileges of being an artist#yes it's 4:30 in the morning shut up#id in alt text#edit I fixed his wack ass face
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Do you want to comfort your fav fictional character because you love them and don't want them to be alone or do you want to do it because you see yourself in them and you project onto them and comforting them is the only way you can comfort yourself since you've always had to manage and take care of your own feelings and had to suffer alone and be the only one there for yourself? Hmm?
#am i talking about myself no no no absolutely not#comfort character#fictional characters#hurt/comfort#comforting#good omens#goodomens#crowley#aziraphale#coping mechanism#doctorwho#doctor who#ofmd#wwdits#mcu#marvel#alec hardy#broadchurch
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X-MEN: DAYS OF THE FUTURE PAST (2014)
#they should invent an iteration of cherik that doesn't make me want to kill myself#mine*#cherik#x-men#xmenedit#gifset#filmedit#erik lehnsherr#charles xavier#otp: i want you by my side#they never talk about this again btw#guys be honest do u think it blew up in their faces in genosha (it totally did. it 100% did)#i think its important to note that in most of the movies (esp. the prequels) erik is always very intently staring at charles without#blinking. and that the one avoiding eye contact or not being able to hold it for too long it's charles#charles does avoid erik's eyes a lot especially in dofp#while erik is always the one doing the intense staring into charles' soul thing BUUUT in this scene#you can see erik breaking eye contact for a brief second when he says 'for what happened. i truly am'#you don't get it he's so sad!! HE'S SO SORRY!!!! and yet he can't bring himself to look at charles in the eye because he gets too emotional#and also the second erik says 'for what happened' charles breaks eye contact too#they are hurting so bad and they can't look at each other in the eyes without getting emotional.................. i'm so normal about them
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day 200 of asking misha to put his hands around my neck and choke me lightly
#hi#hello#i decided to start a new thread because i CANNOT in GOOD CONSCIOUSNESS LET THIS GO#i worked SO hard#197 days!!!!! on getting this post#and i will NOT let myself be stopped by a tumblr glitch#EVER#sjonnie.text#the beginning of a new era!!!!!#today would've been day 200#TWO#HUNDRED#and since i know for a fucking fact i reblogged those posts!!!! i will continue;;;;#anyway#i am actually hurt that this happened :( but we're gonna keep going#momma didn't raise no fucking quitter#misha daily post
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This is what it was all for
Happy Midsummer's Eve!!!
#gianttiny#giant/tiny#sfwgt#gtfluff#giant tiny#niart#dragon's lair#lovia#t#and now i disappear back into the ether#just wanted to make a midsummer piece#because i've decided that it's an extra special time for them#possibly renewing vows and whatnot ajkhjash anygay#i also just had the most harrowing day ever yesterday and needed to treat myself#you know the kinda pain that just makes you sweat because it hurts so bad#never had an anasthetic that wears off that quickly#went to the dentist because wisdom teef be infected finally enough that they want to take action hah#like clean the infected area with a metal scrape and holy fuck the pain afterwards#anyway ramble ramble#stay tuned for next part of dragon's lair#yes i am finally working on it#it's only been uh#almost two years#anywho rn i am celebrating midsummer#figners crossed the bonfires are on for this year
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Han Myungoh and Han Dareum~ [Omniscient Readers Viewpoint]
My personal headcanon is that Han Myungoh had to consult a cosmetologist to teach him how to style a woman's hair so he could make pretty hairstyles for his daughter, Han Dareum.
Because I'm sure he wouldn't know how to do a girl's hair since he's never done it before!! ----------------★ [The scenario below is inspired by the future events of the novel // might contain spoilers!] [Content Warning: Injury, Angst, Hurt]
He clutches at his daughter's limp body. Her frail body was weak, but still breathing, albeit faintly.
"You'll be alright, sweetheart. You're alright, I'm here. Appa is here, sweetheart. I came back for you like I promised--"
He mumbles words of comfort into his daughter's ears. Hugging her, making sure she's safe in his arms, making sure she's still alive.
By now, he wasn't sure whether these words were for his daughter or for himself. But he repeats them anyway.
His Han Dareum was finally home.
#CRYING#OWEUAIEAUWE#OOOOWWWW#WHY AM I HURTING MYSELF#but also man the content available for these two are literally NON-EXISTENT#I need to change that 😭 I NEED TO FEED MYSELF AND ALL THE OTHER BOTTOM-FEEDERS OUT THERE LIKE ME#WE SUPPORT EACH OTHER 💪 STAY STRONG GUYS#orv#omniscient readers viewpoint#omniscient reader#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv han myungoh#orv han dareum#my drawing museum
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"See you tomorrow"
MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 4 [prev parts]
#better drawn mdzs#MDZS Disco Elysium AU#mdzs au#Lan wangji#wei wuxian#yiling laozu#Happy Belated Halloween!#digital art#Thank you all for your patience as I drove myself into a madness only known by those lost at seas alone.#I put a lot of time into this one! It's not perfect but I am very happy with it + I am so happy to put down the tablet pen.#Digital art has some nice features but I'm sticking with traditional! I need a month to recover from the 2+ weeks of torture.#Okay lets talk about the AU and the comic now#Disco elysium has some of the best existential-horror-dream sequences I have ever seen.#The dialogue here is heavily inspired by The Final Dream - A scene I'd love to talk about more were it not so heavy with spoilers.#My AU is a lot more complex than a simple character swap but I really felt like LWJ + YLLZ fit this scene.#The final dream is about being unable to move on from a lost love. From something You made holy. From something You ruined.#It is about realizing that no matter how smart you are or what you offer or how you try to change -#You will never be able to turn back time. You will never ever be able to fix what is broken. That you also have been broken for a long time#You are a fuck-up who worships the nail covered ground of someone who did not want to be holy. And even though it hurts-#You cannot let this nightmare go. The pain keeps the love close. It is worse to forget. You promised to remember.#WWX died thinking LWJ disliked him. LWJ lost someone he thought was revolted by his love.
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summer is coming so i'm giving them the beach day they deserve
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#itadori yuuji#fushiguro megumi#kugisaki nobara#gojo satoru#nanami kento#fanart#jjk fanart#yuuji#megumi#nobara#gojo#nanami#the drinks r non alcoholic do not worry#and one of them Is megumi's however yuuji Will b taking a generous sip#do not talk 2 me about perspective i am trying my hardest man water is so hard.............#i omitted yuuji's scars and nanami nobara n gojo r . u kno. Here .#so this is probably set pre-shibuya but idc enough to figure out a timeline#megumi voice Whatever!!! i just want them 2 have fun on the beach :(#i want gojo to hurl them in2 the water i want nobara 2 play fetch w the dogs i want them to shake themselves off all over nanamis stuff :((#so glad my hyperfixation media is so lighthearted . so glad it doesnt hurt every time i think abt them . so glad this is canon actually.#gotta do everything myself in this household smh#sighs . we cope !#drawing this made me think back to an old fb zine piece i did where they were Also on a beach#n that piece took MONTHS n this took 2 days so thats a bit of growth there babey#anyway all that 2 say i am drained but i am victorious
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can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest
like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!
#me.txt#jjba#i'm going to ramble in tags actually. excuse me#ok. rereading sdc and so confused at the general perception of jotaro and his friends/family. he's not NEARLY as flat or as dickish#i understand that the anime (particularly the dub) tends to slander him but even then he still clearly cares for them! i'm confused#i also understand that a lot of people dig against jotaro and kakyoin as a dynamic because 'they're popular' and that generally disliking#popular things across media is a thing that i've seen consistently everywhere but the discredit to them simply as a DUO and not even as a#pairing is so..... odd..... like they're considered to be a duo that clicks for a reason. i enjoyed them even before i got into the fandom#every time i see someone say jotaro is overrated/dull i take a shot and assume they're an anime-only or only read the manga like once btw#joseph and jotaro also have a neat dynamic and they obviously both love and care for each other. like they're not going to go around loudly#or anything but literally the entirety of the lovers and the prelude to the dio fight IS jotaro being worked up over joseph getting hurt#equally i don't know if it translates to the anime as much but joseph is VERY complimentary when it comes to jotaro. like he sings his#praises so often and reminds everyone that he's his grandson so frequently (d'arby the gamer is a good example of this). either way it's so#peculiar....... there's not enough avdol and jotaro content btw (also in canon) because jotaro obviously looks up to him and avdol jokes#around with him on the occasion they interact after their intro which doesn't start very well. it's very cute#i do think an important thing to note about jotaro's character is how he acts AFTER his intro because he's so drastically different. early#jotaro and later jotaro aren't the same character and i do not mean this in a character development way. excluding the jail incident he's#completely different and probably shouldn't really be taken into account (especially considering the amount of slapstick in araki's intros)#and i think that's really???? what people center on for his character? Which sucks balls bad!#anyways. i could ramble more about this if asked i have so much to say but sigh. jotaro cares so much for his friends and family he's not a#flat fully cold asshole character regardless of whether you watch the anime or ova or read the manga. you just have poor media literacy#i wouldn't recommend watching solely the anime for his character though. the dub also changes a lot so it's... questionable#i love the anime and it's still important for him though. also adds neat stuff. i need to stop myself. i have many thoughts on the matter#jotaro kujo#joseph joestar#noriaki kakyoin#adding in case anyone sees: i am not saying that he is perfect about this. in fact he is very ass about it with jolyne and holly and that's#very important. he also is in fact an asshole sometimes. NOT as much as you guys are making him though!#please don't get me started on how much of a dick etc people make kakyoin to veer away from the 'woobified' characterizations of him#in fact i think that's bad if not worse because it CLAIMS to be in character. hes a prim asshole at times but not that angry or dishevelled
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vi has my entire heart (another sketch after work vi)
#vi#arcane#arcane league of legends#vicait#piltover's finest#vi angst#i want season two to explore more of vis traumas#let the woman have a breakdown#bawl her eyes out#be crushed under the extreme weight of guilt and self hatred#because as an older sister with an extreme martyrdom and guilt complex#i am often self-less to the point of being selfish#and hurt myself and others when i let guilt and responsibility take hold#as you can tell#i kin vi
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