#I am humbly asking the community to make my vision come to life

[too-lit-for-fanfic]

third life winner Grian, sun-kissed and sand-caked, lightly battered, slightly bloody, having just won the series, guilt-ridden with scar's blood still dripping from his knuckles, teetering on the edge of the mountain, choking out apologies to the sky.

secret life winner Scar, regaining his memories from pervious seasons, walking through third life like a hazy mirage, a cape embroidered with lilacs and roses hanging from his shoulders.

He finally sees Grian in the desert light for the first time in years, the fondness and heartbreak hitting him all at once. He frowns as Grian cries and sobs, muttering apologies and regrets to the empty space around him.

Scar is unable to reach for him as he takes that final step off the ledge.

[idylls-of-the-divine-romance]

7, 11, and 15 for the religious ask game!

I see you went with some banger questions lol. I expected nothing less from you hehehe

7) If you could change one thing about your faith community, what would it be?: Hmm. Changing 1 thing is hard. Not because I like hate the church or something but because one thing is related to another thing which is related to another. But, in order to encapsulate as many as possible, my answer is that everyone would earnestly and humbly search the scriptures for the truth (because as Esau McCaulley said, nobody reads the bible anymore) while also being open and tolerant of heterodox interpretations.

11) Have you ever considered converting to another faith?: Not really? I've always been interested in religion and different religious philosophies and thoughts and traditions, but I've also never seen a religion and been like "That one trumps mine" it's always more like "Ooh, there is some wisdom there I would like to incorporate into my faith". In my experience, no other religion has what mine has. Or this or this or this or this and I could go on for a while but you get the point lol. I am willing to stake everything on the idea that (1) there is 1 God and (2) God is Love. The only way that works is the trinity, and only Christians teach it so *shrugs*. So I just accept whatever wisdom others have to offer but could never leave and convert.

15) Have you ever had a divine experience?: Because my philosophy is the way it is I am always attempting to be having a divine experience. Some (following William James) believe mysticism is about visions and experiences, but I think it is "beliefs and practices that concerns the preparation for, the consciousness of, and the reaction to what can be described as the immediate or direct presence of God." (Bernard McGinn) Okay I like just went off on (and deleted) an entire tangent about union with God and perfect love and stuff lol. If anyone's interested just watch this short video.

But I know that what yall really want is something crazy and wild lol. So I have had breathing problems (nothing life threatening, dw) for as long as I can remember. Still do. I remember one particular night, it was pretty bad. Like aching and hurting bad. I couldn't breathe at all through my nose and I was scared if i went to sleep that I would just like stop breathing. Well, i was exhausted but fighting sleep so i wouldn't like die. But then, sometime during the night, I saw what I swear to this day was 3 messengers coming thru my window (window closed so like *thru* the window). No wings or anything, they seemed to be made of light and air. Two of them put there hands on my head, one of them put what appeared to be a gas mask on my face. And then.... I was out. Like a light. Slept and then woke up and I was completely better.

I know a skeptics first thought is "You were sick and exhausted so it's just a hallucination" and I suppose that's true. But the same can be said for Julian of Norwich, Joan of Arc, and John the Visionary, all of whose mystical experiences I believe wholeheartedly. I was in an intermundane place, at an intermundane hour, in an intermundane state of mind, the same environments that I know write poetry in, so it makes sense to me that the veil would slip and I'd be able to see something like this. Even as a young child (or rather, especially as a young child) I was always seeking ever closer intimate relationship with God and was raised with an awareness of the presence of God everywhere. There many things I've seen and heard from my childhood that I have since cast away as charismatic rubbish (no offense to any charismatics out there), but this experience is not one of them.

Edit: dancing in the rain while listening to Experience by Ludovico Einaudi is still the most spiritual experience I have ever had to date. So good I immediately wrote a poem about it. I was in heaven and on earth at the same time and it was marvelous.

Anyway, this was fun thank you for the questions <3333

[xxdoubledaisyxx]

Let it be

my mouth

desires

to be your pleasure.

In word and secret fantasy.

bones breaking the dream

there is no problem,

nor will the be one.

I have dealt with it

my lord.

As it was beneath your dignity

to attend to such humble concerns

as the everyday pezens,

populating Story

between our lives

by order of our divine will.

my Lord.

samasan

desamasan

maiden samasan

pezins and desamasan

I have notarized

your eternal name

in the taxinomic filecords

and needlework styledivers.

like the maids in bdo

and sakura

it is impolite to gaze too deeply

into the life and doings of another person.

let between the limits of reality's nature

on either side,

and you don't need to worry,

about virtual morality.

We are all in agreement about the limit of omniscience,

and there is no hiding or running away from

no fighting and dominating

the surging moment

ending all of our lives together, at once.

I am not the Word of the Lord.

I am the punctuation mark.

---

like the surprise of one yolk

coming to greet you with the news

that we all have an egg inside of us.

it is the easter mystery,

and it is coming

by way of

rabbit tooth ripper.

Fall has happened.

The trees gave out this morning,

raining golden diamonds of light

under no clouds or snow

as if water had been holding up there

until now.

the rabbit tooth ripper always kills to leave

and always leaves by spring.

... here is yours Pearl Abyss

come tell me what your conflicts are in your design meetings. Let me see what the problems are then give you the data you want. You cannot use me as a sample for public data because I see so much more about what is happening at any time professionally. That's the truth, but it is not so dark that I've abandoned everyone.

consult

client

you want my professional opinion, and that is why you are so interested in my personal profile data.

that is how this needs to happen, and you should not have put up any resistance that I would have to stand out like this to defy evil.

we share the same vision of virtual reality at the very least.

do not make the mistake of comparing your station to mine.

I never burdened you with the order of authority before, but if you think you have any over mine, then that is a correction I intend to make.

This is so you don't get you or anyone else killed when a real-life vampire snatches you in the night and you are never seen again.

please cooperate

this is not a threat. this is an apocalypse.

I am an outlier, an anomaly, a discreet value in darkness better left in the care of your secret fantasy.

There are others like me, but we are anything but common.

We don't make sense. We skew the perfect data naturally, and we do not regret any of the chaos we leave in our selfish pursuit of our dreams.

The false law that prevents direct communication between business organizations and individual citizens is non-binding and non-enforceable. Why are you having trouble reaching out to me and introducing yourselves?

You are not in a position to ask me to go meet you. You have, I have not, and not only that, but you have made your "communities" into fortresses of desolation, emptiness, and hate. It is an abomination for your "organized civility" to be antagonistic to anyone or anything. You do not seem to recognize the power of human potential if you think it is ever acceptable to be evil in the sight of the Lord.

end this already.

I want to buy new clothes.

I want to eat people food every day.

I want to go to a concert hall and not be turned away by a vile old man pretending to be a security guard, and afraid for his daughter's virginity going anywhere other than him. Yeah, you said that when I was holding a beer asking what was happening tonight. You said that was why you weren't letting me in and I told you I had no desire to enter, only was asking information. *change clothes* now I am not holding a beer, and you said that was the reason, so what is it now? You are not going to be allowed inside. You know what? I will accept your denial under one condition. You think about what happened and know that I forgive you. enraged response beginning and silenced by a gesture- I am not going to fight you about this. exit stage left.

end this.

you people are no match for me.

...

I am a gamer who likes to spend money on games

I like the added edge of blood and metal

coinage enacts.

However, I do not have as much to spend as most.

That is why I feel this way;

use what you've got to get good you want

if its money or time, or lack for both.

[captainbeverlycrusher]

An Open Letter to the Star Trek Community

To the Star Trek Community,

I write this from a place of deep respect, gratitude and compassion, and with hope that what I have to say will be received in good faith and be heard.

I am an immigrant woman of colour who found Star Trek at a time when I was at my lowest and stuck in what seemed like perpetual darkness, and it was this wonderful franchise and its powerful message which uplifted me and brought me back into the light so that today I can truly say that I am at my strongest. As such, Star Trek’s positive influence in my life has been no small thing. Star Trek has taught me to be the captain of my life, to reach for the stars, to stand up for what is right no matter the cost, and, above all, to be brave and bold.

And so, in the spirit of boldly going, I humbly call on ALL white members of the Star Trek Community — creators, platform curators, prominent fans and figures, including and especially Star Trek cast members, past and present — who believe in the underlying mission and vision of Star Trek to formally denounce all forms of racism and bigotry and those who uphold such abhorrent beliefs; I call on you to condemn the actions of those who have harmed Black and Indigenous people, and all People of Colour (BIPOC); and I call on you to strive to do more and do better for the sake of BIPOC in both the Star Trek community and in your own lives who have been subjected to racism. Finally, I encourage you to urge your supporters in this community to do the same, particularly those who are now finally waking up to the injustices perpetrated against BIPOC.

I am, of course, aware that the official Star Trek entity released a statement in this vein recently. I know many of you have expressed one way or another your support for the Black Lives Matter movement. I see you. It’s a good start. But it is not enough. I need each of you who hold so much influence within this community to do this, to say once and for all that you will not condone racism and anti-Blackness from your supporters, fans and followers any longer. It is important for this to happen.

I know you support the vision of the great Gene Roddenberry and the powerful philosophy of Star Trek and what it stands for. I know you believe in these words as much as I do:

“Star Trek was an attempt to say that humanity will reach maturity and wisdom on the day that it begins not just to tolerate, but take a special delight in differences in ideas and differences in life forms.”

But many white supporters within the Trek community truly do not share these sentiments, and they have proven this time and again, especially as they have belittled and driven fans of colour like me away instead of putting the mission of Star Trek into practice and welcoming us with open arms. Both on-and-offline, there are those who have insulted and degraded BIPOC involved in the Trek community— and not just fans but creatives, actors, and notable figures of colour alike. We have been treated as inferior and dismissed.

I have seen and witnessed it with my own eyes. I have endured this myself and I cannot explain to you how hurtful it has been for many of us. I am a fan who has experienced so much harm from many white people I have come across in Trek spaces, at conventions and events, even among those I had considered friends, and for it to come from within a franchise that promotes love, hope and acceptance, it has been devastating. What I once looked to as a safe haven no longer is.

I can only speak for myself and from my own experiences. And based on my experience, my call to action here is completely necessary. Because something I never say aloud, something I constantly have to process and reprocess in therapy is that 6 years ago when I was 24, the night before I first met my Trek heroes, I cried bitter tears because I felt that they would not accept me because I wasn’t white, that I was unlovable by even the most amazing people because I was not white like them. 24 years old. A grown adult. And I felt that way. So many white Trek supporters contributed to making me feel that way every time they overtly and subtly implied that their whiteness made them superior. I have remained silent about this and numerous other incidents for many years, but living in silence has only served to intensify the painful experiences I’ve had, and so I share this to stress the urgency with which this community-wide issue needs to be addressed. We cannot allow damage like this to continue towards BIPOC in this community.

Racism destroys the soul. Racism is why I hurt myself for so long and why so many white supporters have harmed fans of colour like me, despite their claims that they believe in all that Star Trek stands for. Racism hurts us all. This is just a small part of my story. Imagine how many more there are like it or even worse. As white people, you will never experience racism and you may not see the abominable treatment BIPOC in the Trek community encounter, but it is happening.

With the Black Lives Matter protests gaining momentum worldwide, it couldn’t be more clear that now is not the time to find the middle ground on issues like this, because there is none when it comes to racism. Either you are against it or not. And I promise you, the Trek community does not need the support of people who go out of their way to justify any and all racist acts, because as we can clearly see, even the smallest racial microaggressions and biases can ultimately lead to murder. The desire to keep the peace in the fandom and franchise is not more important than Black lives. Especially because the truth is, as far as I have observed, there has never been actual peace.

We are presently witnessing a global reckoning in which many are finally starting to acknowledge the existing ways racism and white supremacy are upheld. As a community that claims to value all beings and embrace all differences, it only makes sense for Star Trek and all its community members to lead the way to a better future in the entertainment and creative industries and beyond, and to start doing so by looking within ourselves and our own backyard. We MUST clean up this community so that all People of Colour can truly feel safe and welcomed and be embraced and celebrated in every Trek space.

As I issue my call to action, I urge you to consider doing the following:

First, in particular for prominent white cast and creatives, please let the Trek community know where you stand. If you have not already done so, please let people know that you will not tolerate any further bigotry and racist behaviour from anyone. Please let your Black fans and all fans of colour know that you are with us. And please don’t mince words.

Amplify the voices of BIPOC within this community. So many of us are constantly silenced and drowned out and it is time for us to be heard. Our presence only enhances the Trek community. Uplift and embrace us. We matter.

If you manage any online Trek-related spaces and platforms, it is your responsibility to moderate and remove speech that is racist against BIPOC. It is imperative for you to enforce stricter commenting policies and do all that you can to protect BIPOC from further harm. And for those participating in these spaces, it is equally your duty to call out and report any such speech you encounter.

Educate your fellow white Trekkies who don’t yet understand why this is important. BIPOC have expended a lot of labor attempting to do so already but we have been dismissed, ignored, and cast aside. The onus is now on you to ease us of this burden and do the work given your positions of influence.

Hold yourselves and other white people in your Trek networks accountable to BIPOC community members. Make this part of your norm so that it becomes second nature to you, especially so these issues don’t ever fade into the background as they have often done in the past. This is an opportunity to improve and get it right.

Continue supporting the Black Lives Matter movement even after it stops trending. Visit https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/ to find helpful resources, make donations, sign petitions, and to get more involved in this work beyond the Trek community. This work is ongoing. It is lifelong.

Committing to doing every one of these would be small yet meaningful steps in the ongoing struggle for racial justice and it would make a significant difference. So with great respect and love, I implore you to use your power and privilege to do this for BIPOC, for yourselves, for all of us.

Stand up with and speak up for all BIPOC fans, friends and colleagues, far and wide. Be loud about it.

Be as loud and unrelenting as LeVar Burton. He has always been at the helm of this struggle, has always been upfront about it, and I love and admire him for it. Follow his lead.

Naturally, fear courses through me as I write all this, but I think of Gates McFadden, a great hero of mine, who once rocked the boat and spoke up against the sexism and racism she witnessed while working on TNG and was actually fired for it. If she can do that, then I think I can do this regardless of the risk. Because I know what I’m asking for and ultimately fighting for is right. Because what we can no longer deny is that lives are at stake. Black lives. And they matter.

Now it is up to you to do your part. Boldly go, in hope and with love.

And may you Live Long and Prosper.

— Originally published on Women at Warp

[anightflower]

Come and Find Me Chapter 6: 24 Hours

Hello my darlings, here is chapter 6 FINALLY. Thank you for letting me work on my mental health, I can’t express how much every interaction I’ve had with you has helped, whether it be a like, comment, or reblog, you guys have brought me SO MUCH JOY. 

Masterlist 

Spencer Reid x Reader 

Warnings: Violence, swearing, mentions of rape

Spencer clenched his fists to keep his hands from shaking. “What do you mean never see her again? Don’t you dare fucking touch her-”

“Tsk, tsk Doctor, there is a lady present. Though she can’t hear us at the moment.” The voice murmured condescendingly. “But I am a fair man Doctor, I will let you speak to her, eventually.” 

“Let me speak to her now.” Spencer growled. 

“So demanding Doctor, but I suppose I’ll oblige you, if only because she looks so broken right now.” The voice cooed. 

There was silence on the phone for a moment, the beeping of buttons and then, your voice. 

“What do you want now you sick bastard?” You sounded tired, defeated. Spencer felt his heart break. 

“(Y/N), can you hear me?” Spencer asked urgently. On the live feed, you head shot up and looked around. 

“Spencer?” Your voice broke and tears blurred your vision. “Am I dreaming?”

“No, no! I’m coming to find you baby. I promise, this sick bastard is not going to win-” Spencer said encouragingly.

Hope filled your eyes, but quickly disappeared behind nerves. You had to tell him the last place you were. He had to find you and you didn’t know how much time you had left. 

“Spence, I made it to Florida, call the hotel I was at. They might have security footage-” Your voice was cut off. 

“Now, that’s no fair. She can’t help you.” The voice said angrily. 

“No, put her back on the line you sick f-” Spencer yelled into the phone desperately. He could see that you were still talking on the video feed. Tears slid down his face as he watched you mouth “I love you.” You didn’t even know that he couldn’t hear you anymore. 

“24 hours doctor.” The voice said and hung up. The live feed went black.

“It’s a burner phone. I could triangulate it to two cell towers, but that could put it anywhere in Miami.”  Penelope explained.

The room was silent as they waited for Spencer’s reaction. His shoulders were tense, he still eyed the screen, his back completely turned to the team. 

“Spencer?” JJ asked, gently coming up to him. 

“JJ, I’m going to give you the number to (Y/N) hotel. I need you to get any security footage you can from them. Penelope will use face scan and analyze it.” Spencer ordered, his body still tense and unmoving. 

“I’ll contact them and the local police down there, have them start looking for (Y/N)  and set up a place for us at their precinct.” JJ reassured. 

“I’m going to call Hotch and Rossi, I’ll tell them to meet us at the jet.” Emily said. “Maybe they got something out of Curtis that can help us out.” 

Spencer nodded, unable to form words around the tightness in his throat. 

“We’ll get her back Reid, and then we want a proper introduction.” Morgan teased, trying to ease Spencer. 

As they all began to move to grab their go-bags, Spencer’s phone rang again.

Spencer took a deep breath, as he glanced at his phone. It was Ava’s contact. 

He quickly answered it. “Ava?” 

“Spencer,” Her voice sounded terrified. “I need you to come to this address, I think (Y/N)’s in danger.”

________________________________________________________________

You jumped as the door to your “room” slammed open. 

“You stupid bitch!” The voice wasn’t as deep now without it’s automated assistance, but his voice was still muffled behind a mask. It was a cheap plastic Halloween mask, the one you get so you can decorate it however you want. It’s blank white stare covered his whole face. 

He stalked his way toward you angrily, causing you to push yourself further back onto the bed. There was no place for you to go. 

“You just couldn’t keep your mouth shut huh? You are so moon eyed over your Doctor that you fucking cheat. You whore!” He grabbed your ankles and pulled on your chains, dragging you down the bed, causing you to scream. His grip was hard enough to leave bruises. 

“Do you know what happens to whores?” He growled. “They get what they deserve.” 

He tried to push your legs open, but you clawed at his arms, hard enough to break your nails and draw blood. As he tried to draw his arms back, you scratched at his face, ripping the mask off and catching one of his eyes.

He let out a pained scream and backhanded you across the face. You yelped as it sent you flying back against the bed.

You quickly pushed yourself up, readying yourself if he tried to advance on you again. He was hunched over, grabbing at his face, blood leaked from where your nails had dug in. 

“It wasn’t supposed to go this way.” He said enraged. 

Your body froze at that voice. A voice that you knew all too well. A voice that didn’t speak much, but when it did, there was always a smile on his face. 

“No.” You whispered softly.

________________________________________________________________

Andrew Curtis, 29 years old, 6’4. Auburn hair, brown eyes, and a friendly smile that had made women trust him when he had come into their home. 

The man in front of him was smug, too smug for someone who is going to be behind bars for the rest of their life. Hotch wished he could tackle him to the floor and wipe the gleeful look off of his face. 

5 innocent women, almost 6. Women with families and lives just wiped from the world because of the sick bastard in front of him. 

“Oh Agent Hotchner, Agent Rossi, what brings you to my humble abode? I’ve recently redecorated, I hope you like it.” Andrew Curtis laughed. 

Hotch and Rossi didn’t deign to respond, hiding their disdain behind a stern blank mask. 

“Ouch, so cold as always, here I was hoping something interesting happened for you to come visit me.” Curtis said with a pout. 

“Rumor has it you’ve been receiving letters from an outside anonymous fan, care to enlighten us more about him?” Rossi said, voice cold. 

“Not even a greeting, a little catch up? How is the rest of the team, Prentiss, JJ,- oh and my dear favorite doctor Reid.” Curtis purred.

“I did always find your connection to Reid fascinating, you only let him talk with you and a little bird told us you keep newspaper clippings about him and much of his thesis and research work.” Rossi pushed, ignoring Curtis’s taunts.

“Oh my guards are such gossips, but I suppose there's not much else to keep them entertained around here.”

Hotch let out a growl. “Let’s skip the games Curtis. You know you have nothing over us, you’re locked here for the rest of your miserable existence and then some. We will not be your source of entertainment. Who have you been communicating with?”

“You know, I never thought you guys would catch me, and it truly took a toll on me when you did. But I had a small victory knowing that you had gotten some of my profile wrong.” Curtis smiled and it made ice fill Hotch’s veins.

“Oh and how is our profile wrong? You’re still in a cell aren’t you? Everything we said turned out to be correct.” Rossi said confidently.

“You might have profiled me correctly dear Rossi, but I am afraid you missed a small crucial detail.” Curtis hummed proudly. 

“And what would that detail be.” Hotch urged. 

“The kind that costs ya Hotchner. Maybe a nicer cell, with a little less security.”

Hotch and Rossi exchanged a look. Could it be worth it? 

Hotch dipped his chin in agreement. Yes, if only for Reid.

“We will see what we can do.” Rossi said slowly.

A smug look crossed Curtis’s face as he leaned back in his chair, satisfied. He looked like the cat that got the cream and the male Agents across from him hated it. “Allow me to let you divine profilers know, that you were wrong and that you might have caught me, but you did not catch my prodigy.” His victorious laugh bounced off the walls, grating the tense room.

“Your prodigy?” Hotch probed, his voice dangerously low, a sign that he would explode if he wasn’t careful.  Rossi gave him a side glance, an attempt to remind Hotch to keep a steady head. 

“Oh yes, it’s a thrill really, knowing that he is still out there, maybe he already has a new victim! But guessing by the fact that you are here, he already took someone, didn't he? Did he leave a calling card?” 

Rossi and Hotchner remained silent and stern faced. 

Curtis cackled, ”He left my calling card didn’t he? Your faces say it all! Oh boy, he really is my best student.”

“Who is he Andrew? We need a name-”

“He finally did it, he got the girl didn’t he?”

“Got who?” Hotch asked. “Curtis is a narcissist, play to that and he will give everything up in no time.” Rossi reminded him before they went into the room.

“Your dear Doctor’s girl! He left hints, but I wasn’t sure that the kid had it in him to be honest, he always seemed too soft.” 

“You sure talk a mean game for someone who doesn’t know what’s going on.”  Hotch growled, knowing this would rouse up Curtis. 

“Oh come now Hotch, don’t play coy with me.” Curtis growled, “He’s got (Y/N), pretty (Y/C/H) haired thing, who if my little brother didn’t care so much for, would have been one of my own victims.”

“This prodigy is your little brother?” Rossi asked, not allowing Curtis to find out if he was right or not. 

“No, not blood related, just someone I took under my wing.” 

The door to the interrogation room opened and a guard popped his head in. “Agent Hotchner, you have an urgent call from an Agent Prentiss?”

“Of course, excuse me.” Hotch said, getting up and making his way out of the room.

He came back less than a minute later. “Agent Rossi, they’ve found a lead.” 

Now it was Rossi’s turn to smirk. “Looks like we won’t be needing you after all Curtis, but do enjoy your current view.” 

Curtis growled and yanked at his chains. 

Rossi rolled his eyes as he got up to leave.

Right as Rossi was about to leave the room, Curtis’s voice piped up, “Nothing brings me more joy than knowing I tricked you, that you profilers failed to figure out that I didn’t work alone. Your devout profiling method was wrong and now my prodigy lives on, achieving his dreams, and ruining you and your doctor in the process.”

Rossi slammed the door shut to block out Curtis’s manic laughter. 

________________________________________________

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TAGLIST 

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[re-diesirae]

12. Claire

She had never felt so happy to wake up with the sunlight hitting at her face the way it did that morning. They didn't dare to leave the storage house until the first rays of light hadn't come out from the horizon. In part, because they had wanted a little more rest and in part because they didn't want to risk the chance of meeting another of those horrible creatures.

With the light, they could finally see what was inside the storage room, and after checking the contents of the boxes, they had come across some supplies that included more weapons, ammo, a first aid kit, and flashlights. The weaponry was quite old, and Claire knew they probably weren't as fancy as the ones Leon usually used, but it was better than nothing. They also found some cans of food and water that weren't yet due in the boxes. It wasn't a fancy meal, but the canned fruits provided the needed carbohydrates that their bodies required for energy. Claire had instantly felt a little more energetic after the small and humble meal, and she had to admit that compared to other times, she appreciated the locals for storing the food in that place. She would have thanked them if they hadn't turned into parasite controlled zombies, of course.

With their new gear, stock, and a full stomach, the duo had started their walk to the mysterious manor. So far, the way had been calm: only interrupted by a couple of the unfriendly locals that they defeated without problems.

Claire noticed that the closer they got to the manor, the quieter the forest became. Somehow that made her uncomfortable. The lack of sound was antinatural, and maybe it was her paranoia, but she felt observed, and she was half expecting another sudden monster to jump over them. She could tell Leon's thoughts weren't too far from her own as the man moved stealthily and alert at all times.

Nobody would think that, some years ago, this same man was a scared rookie cop trying to survive a city filled with zombies.

The thought of how much he had grown and become better drew a smile on Claire's face.

Just what are you feeling so proud about when this is all a mess?

She often felt proud of others, even if it wasn't something she was supposed to do. She was proud of her brother. Like hell, how wouldn't she? The man had saved many lives in the last few years. She was also proud of Moira; the girl had gotten over her fear of guns and trained under her father's eye. She was also proud of Natalia. She had a normal life now, making it through all the horrors of her past. Claire was very proud of Sherry. She had heard from Chris that the girl had become an agent like Leon, and even though Claire would have wished for the girl to live a quiet life, she respected her decision. Of course, she was proud of Leon's successful career as an agent.

"There it is." Leon's voice broke into her thoughts, and Claire stopped dryly, staring at the manor ahead, "It certainly gives me bad vibes..."

An unpleasant flashback ran through her head as she remembered the Ashford's Residence, but as she watched the house more carefully, she realized that the place was different. This house looked older, and the gray walls, covered by ivy and moss. More than a manor, it looked more like a castle. A quick scan around convinced them that there was no one around the area.

"Guess our friends from Neo-Umbrella didn't wait for us..." Leon whispered.

"Well, knowing their sense of hospitality, they probably left some of their pets behind to receive us, though."

"Most likely. That sounds like something terrorists would do," Leon sighed, "We'll have to take a look and find out. I think the thing jamming the sign of my phone is in there. If we can deactivate it, I can contact Hunnigan, and maybe, we can figure out something about what they were doing in here."

"All right, let's take a look. What could go wrong, right?"

A lot of things. The annoying little voice in her head muttered.

The duo made their way to the house with extreme caution. The place seemed deserted. The only evidence of people ever being in there was the mess inside: furniture was turned over or broken, papers scattered all over the floor along with other decor accessories. Claire found bloodstains in some of the walls, and she shuddered. Maybe their "friends" hadn't left after all, but something had gotten them before they arrived.

"Now, this looks ominous. Why are there so many papers in here?"

"They seem like medical records, but the papers are too dirty to read them," she said, picking some of the scattered sheets. The pages looked blurred with humidity, and some had red stains that covered half of the text.

"Knowing these guys, there's probably an electronic record somewhere. We need to find a computer." Leon replied, looking around the rooms with his gun raised, "There are signs of struggle. I guess they didn't leave on good terms…"

That if they had made it out alive.

"There's too much blood. Do you think one of their pets went through havoc?"

"Most likely, maybe it was the one that attacked us last night."

Claire picked a folder that was over a table. The yellowish surface had dried stains of blood, but she ignored it and flipped through its contents. Her face tensed as her eyes traveled over the printed letters.

"They were making a new virus, " she said with anger, "These people don't ever learn that you shouldn't mess up with nature."

"Any idea of what sort of virus that is?"

"No...this seems more like genetic blueprints," Claire replied, "RNA virus sequences and possible recombinations with other viral agents. I'm taking these. it might be useful later. I can look into it when we get back to TerraSave.."

"Didn't know you had a liking for this sort of mad scientist stuff. Didn't picture you like a science girl..."

"You know, I did finish college before I joined TerraSave," Claire laughed.

"So I heard, but I never asked what you majored in, now that I think about it."

"Oh, so you didn't check my background?" Claire replied, surprised.

"I don't do that with friends. It's easier to ask, so what did you major in?"

"Biology and life sciences. Did a specialization in virology after joining TerraSave," she replied, checking another pile of folders, "I never thought I'd get so much into viruses. You would be amazed by how many outbreaks TerraSave attends, and for worse or better, not all of them involve zombies. Going into virology sounded reasonable, logical, and useful. "

Claire's crescent interest in viruses had to lead to her choosing a virology specialization. She had thought that it would come in handy while working in TerraSave. The organization was founded as a countermeasure to terrorist attacks. However, as time went by, TerraSave began attending other cases, including viral outbreaks in affected zones and as they worked with WHO. As an active agent at the time, Claire had participated in many operatives. That made her interested in the subject. After thirteen years of working in the organization, Claire was a pretty respectable professional. She wasn't as prodigy as Saya or Rebecca, but her observations and criticisms were valuable, and she had permission to work on her own projects.

"Never pictured you like a bookworm, but it seems I was mistaken."

"Another con on my side, I guess. Relationship wise..."

"I doubt it. Nothing wrong with a smart woman. I find it much more appealing. So, does your scientific vision give you a lead to what we have here?"

"Unfortunately, nothing clear. There's a lot of things you can do with genomes and some genetic engineering. I am not a biosynthetic engineer, but this looks like design proposals? We have someone in HQ who could see through it or maybe in B.S.A.A. I want to look at the digital records; if we are lucky, there might be something left in there. What about your signal jam?"

"I think I might have found the cause. Up there in the tower, there seems to be an antenna of some 's a good lead..."

"Guess we found our next stop. Let's go. I've got the feeling that I don't want to be around when the night falls."

"Always trust a female's sixth sense."

Claire followed Leon through the house. The absence of hostiles was welcome, but at the same time made her wonder what could have happened to them. They found more papers on their way, but nothing that could give them a clue of what had taken place in that place. After a while, they finally arrived at the tower.

The room seemed to be the security command center as there were several screens and computers. Leon got himself busy as he started to work on the antenna right away. Without much else to do, Claire decided to take a look at the server and see if she could get her hands on any interesting data while Leon tried to fix his communication line.

Well, let's see what you kept in here.

Claire began typing. She wasn't a techie like Wallace, so her skills as a hacker were terrible, but to her surprise, the security around the server was much laxer than she would have imagined. Or maybe she was too used to her overestimated security system in TerraSave.

Sadly, the computers had no access to the research datalog. However, it gave Claire information about the facility, and just as expected, there was a large underground structure underneath the mansion; the security system provided a clean 3D blueprint of the facility, showing research rooms, animal essays rooms, and laboratories. Everything pinpointed on the screen.

What the hell were they researching here?

Claire checked the security protocols, which seemed typical procedures designed for facilities handling potentially pandemic agents. She was familiar to them as a few years before she had adapted to those same protocols to propose an effective plan of contention in case of bioterrorist attacks. There was nothing that could be useful to find out what she wanted, but she did find something that caught her attention.

Damn, if only Wallace were here. He could probably hack into the central system and get me that information.

"I think I got it." Leon's voice made her look away from the screen, "I have the signal back. I'll try to contact Hunningan."

"That's great news…!"

"What about you? Did you find anything?"

"No, and yes. I managed to hack into the security system, but the servers aren't linked, so I have no access to research data from here. I did get a nice blueprint of the facility, though. Just look at this, the main research area is right underneath us, which is not surprising at all. I also checked the security protocols, and from that, I can say they were doing in vivo essays. I found something alarming and unexpected."

"How come?"

"They have a viral repository here. It is curious because, with the T-virus, C-virus, and all those new strains that Umbrella had been spreading, most bioterrorists had dropped the use of traditional pathogenic weapons."

"By traditional you mean…?"

"Regular viral agents: influenza, Nipah Virus, chickenpox, ebola… Ring a bell? They have a bacteria stock, too. Anthrax, Tuberculosis, MRSA," she said, scrolling down the screen, " Basically Level 3 and 4 pathogens. Just what the hell were they doing here?"

" If you don't know, neither do I. Can you get the information from here?"

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I am a virologist, not a hacker. The information should have a back up in the central server, but I am not skilled enough to break through their encryption to get it. We would need a vicious hacker for that, and the only one I know is somewhere in Hughesville."

"So, in other words, if we want that data, we'll need to go down there."

"Very sharp, Kennedy."

"Well, I guess we should bring some company down there," Leon commented, pulling his mobile to his ear. "Hunnigan… I need a favor."

NOTE: if you guys want to come and chat about the fic, or just about CLEON in general. Feel free to drop by the discord and say hi! JOIN SERVER

[butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker]

There's something I'm trying to put into words,

about the discomfort of straight women who are very into slash and yaoi. It's been bothering me in a quiet way for a while, and then over the weekend it exploded, and I'm trying to pick my way through pain constructively.

There's a couple of things.

~*~

Point zero is that desire is good, actually, and so is fantasy. Keep this in mind, we'll come back to it.

~*~

The first thing is shame. People who are choosing to approach their own desire from the side, not willing to recognise their own bodies or vocalise their desire in their own voice, or think about sex in which their bodies participate. People who are too afraid to work on their own liberation, so take yours.

After all, feminist sexual writing is a whole genre and tradition. The only reason why queer men's liberation feels appealing to these women is that they have nothing at stake in it: it's fantasy, it's safe, it's nothing to do with or about them.

For actual queer men, the process of liberationary sex writing is - of course - mortifying; or there is a stage of mortification and pain one experiences in approaching it. It is not, and never will be, your safe space; that's why you're trying to transform it into one.

~*~

The second thing is privacy. I'd wake up and log on and there would be a full-flown gigglefest about sex in slash, and not being able to quite put my finger on how to say - this is making me feel bad and weird. And in retrospect, this picks up on point 1. Whose bodies are we sexualising in this space. I want to go back and start a conversation about how I prefer girl-on-top and how people who read missionary fic are gross, and hey when you read Barbie/Ken fic, do you see them mostly doing it doggy style?

Because I think that would make-it-real, for these women to feel their own bodies are at stake and being scrutinised in the conversation.

Making my morning coffee, I wonder what kinds of sexual relationships these women have, and if they know that "gay missionary" isn't this abstract concept that appears in fanfiction but a kind of sex they have all the right anatomy to experience for themselves. I suspect they would not like that, and that also the purpose of these conversations is specifically so that nobody envisages them having sex, or being sexual beings.

~*~

The third is experience.

A. thinks that it's a problem that teenagers watch gay porn. (A. wrote her dissertation on gay porn.) A has never had her rights removed on the basis that the world must be made "safe for children".

B thinks there's too much gross stuff in fanfic and it should be banned. B has never experienced fanfic archives removing LGBT material under the aegis of child-protection and removing what is "gross". B has never experienced a reasonable-sounding expansion of anti-kink laws being used in the vaccum where anti-gay laws once stood, the way they disproportionately target queer porn, or are used to harass sex workers, or arrest queer people.

C thinks that anyone who has a gross fantasy, is a hair-trigger away from actually hurting somebody. C is cisgender, and will never be arrested in a bathroom or have her body regarded as inherently a gross sexual fetish. C does not date women, and has never come to learn that a fist may be more easy to take than a kiss, when you are made to feel disgusting for desiring love. C is also asexual - the shame associated with having a sexual expression of any kind is not on her radar. C does not experience gender dysphoria, and had to wrestle with the downright odd things you brain does to manage a libido and an incoherent body all at once. C has never dated someone who survived the peak of AIDS, and has formed intimate connections between blood and sex and death, forged by decades of homophobic media and law. C. cannot tolerate the concept of erotic horror because she has never been made to experience her own body and desires as horrifying.

All these women spend all their free time making stories about imaginary gay and crossdressing men, talking about drag race, and sylvester.

This is not dissonant to them. As we have said, these women see queer man culture as a a place of safety - an escape from patriarchy and their own discomfort. They are unable to comprehend queer expression as a thing that is not safe.

They are very certain that they can tell the difference between a sexual expression that is gross and nongross; and hurting the gross is therefore OK, because punishing perverts will never be co-opted in their soft-focus world of tender coffeshop AUs and gentle longing and having the right kind of gay sex that is photogenic for women to consume.

~*~ A corollary: these things are not for you. What if we defined queer media - one of many possible definitions - as a thing that excludes. Their defining quality is a conversation between queer artist and queer listener, drawn from the conversations the artist had with their friends and lovers, or conversations with the world which anyone within the wall will find familiar.

I am suddenly, humbling-ly and viscerally aware of where the *don’t like white people who like ballroom culture* people are coming from

~*~

The fourth thing is that broader conversation about women with privilege (whiteness, class, straightness), being unable to consider that their behaviour could ever be dangerous or destructive.

Their own narrative of sexual victimhood and shame is central in their own hearts, and they are incapable of adopting an intersectional perspective which adds nuance to their experiences.

~*~

And the fifth is how much they hate you when you try and bring actual queer politics into their fragile world.

Simultaneously asking, on the one hand - could we make this space safe for work again, so it feels a little less like it does now? and being howled at, as if that's an outrageous restriction on their right to talk about pornography.

And on the other, if we are to be a porn conversation place, can we try and rethink the judgemental "anyone who likes weird sex is a threat" attitudes that come up over, and over, and over again.

Needless to say, the needle for "this man is a sexual predator" fired in under 30 seconds and, shortly after demanding I leave the community I established, nobody has spoken to me since.  

~*~

There's a particular soreness, I think, of being around people who want to casually chat about drag and feel like Born This Way is theirs and want to PM you about their dissertation on gay porn studios of the 1970s and stan the Marquis de Sade

but cannot take the reality of being around queer people or their lives.

An ugliness, a grossness, a grossness that compounds the passively "being treated like a sexual object" into an active bar on having sexual subjectivity. A be seen but not heard of the bedroom: be seen, a Bowie-chiselled Velour-glamoured Cowley-sparkling Velvet Goldmine vision;

but not heard, as in, don't ever cross that line into talking about real sex in our fantasies (even when our fantasies are your real sex), and don't ever make us consider that our words have weight.

I'm spending time in a little world with women who like Interview with a Vampire, the Company of Wolves, David Lynch and the Marquis de fucking Sade, and who are so fragile around their own fears of desire that they cannot tolerate someone saying - it's fine to be into stuff, and not be ashamed.

This odd middle space, where on the one hand I am comfortable in spaces which are sexually silent - where the horror and challenge of my body and life never come up; and on the other, I am comfortable in spaces which are radically sexually open, in which no-one need feel afraid or judged.

These women, on the other hand, want something else: this desire to talk about sex billowing out of them, irrepressably, but also to use that freedom to box other sexualities down tight - to judge, to shame, to define themselves coyly by describing others as disgusting, to feel that urge spilling into view only to publically run away from it and demand others do the same.

Erotica, without wanking. Desiring men, without women. Thinking about the sex lives of your toy dolls, but not being into that weird stuff. Fantasies, with no bodies. Male sexuality, with no actual men in it.

~*~

I am the last of three queer people who has left that community; and still, I imagine, the "define our own sexuality in coded ways by judging things we are not as gross, and creating in the gaps around our own bodies and desires a world of gay men who are like I wish to be" conversations are going on; but unobserved by any actual queers who might break the fantasy.

And reader, I liked these people. I'm heartbroken.

[thetallflower]

An Essay on Why "The End of Love" by Florence and the Machine is a Beauaysha Song

Behold, one and all, as talk about "The End of Love" by Florence and the Machine for several paragraphs. This was at the request of all my friends because every Beauyasha manifestation party, I'm asked why I put this song on and look like I'm about to cry, so let's GO--

Some needed context on the song; High As Hope, the album, has many themes ranging from heartache, family, loss, love, and loneliness. "The End of Love" is the accumulation of all of these themes. Florence (the character within the album) learns to love wholly and not just as a replacement to fill the void of emptiness within her life. 

Many times throughout the song, she brings up her family's tragic past as a framework of this revelation -- Florence has reached a place where she will not lose herself or allow all the years of hurt and pain control her, like her grandmother was. By the end of the song, it's implied that she has learned to love romantically and from free will. She will not enter a relationship in order to replace something she's missing from her life. She speaks about the nervousness of actually being in love and allowing herself to fall into it, but not to allow herself be consumed by it / allow it to break her if it does end.

You can listen and interpret the song; as though it was written in Beau's POV, or written in Yasha's. In my humble opinion both work. In both POV's, the family unit referenced in the line "We were a family pulled from the flood" are the M9, as they are bonded through tragedy and loss. However, I can see how you could also pair it with Beau's family or Yasha and her tribe (and Zuala). It is just my interpretation since the song is about pushing past hardships.

Let us start with Yasha first as I think it is the easiest to explain.

"I feel nervous in a way that can't be named I dreamt last night of a sign that read "The end of love" And I remember thinking Even in my dreaming It was a good line for a song"

Pretty self-evident given recent events with Yasha, especially with her dreams. The Stormlord, through these visions, is trying to give her closure from her past and her grief. Most notably, from Zuala. Hence her initial fear and nervousness. Healing is not easy; it hurts.

The first chorus, in my opinion, is explicitly talking about Zuala. About essentially learning to let go, and how she allows herself not to be destroyed thinking about her. Hence "But it didn't hurt at all/And let it wash away, wash away"

The second verse is a little touchy to describe, but we know from what Ashley has spoken about from Talks is how easily Yasha can fall apart. Particularly after nearly killing Beau in the cathedral. Which just makes the line "I've always been in love with you/Could you tell it from the moment that I met you?" just a goDAMN STAB IN THE HEART--

This time, the second chorus pipes up with the echoing of "(wash away)" after every line. Yasha allows herself to feel loved and love, this time without guilt or shame or pain.

Florence is a sucker for religious iconography. She cannot help but describe someone coming into her life and providing light as Joshua, then "ghosts [me] again". In Yasha's POV, I reckon this is the Stormlord. Someone mysterious, who wants to communicate to her or teach her, but leaves her feeling a bit sometimes lost on what to do. I do not think they affect her consciously. Rather, subconsciously as we have seen in canon. Hence leading back to the chorus, and she is no longer lost. No longer scared. No longer drowning in doubt, reaching out of the dark. And she has specified that Beau makes her feel safe, so it would not surprise me if the person she would search for Beau's hand. 

Moring onto Beau. Her POV deals with similar themes and is more linked to the self than external forces like Zuala. (It's also not as in-depth because I am getting tired, I am really sorry.)

Beau's tendency to toss and turn and dream of thunder comes to explain the opening scene. This is recontextualised as strictly her feelings for Yasha -- what they mean, how she feels, how scared she is. The sign is her desperately trying to let these feelings for Yasha go.

The chorus is now Beau trying desperately to bury those feelings as best she can. She more leans into the theme of loneliness, a vacancy in one's heart for the love that Florence describes rather than love moving past pain in Yasha's POV. The family drama neatly ties into Beau's toxic family, her life before meeting the M9, and oof that mighty "I've always been in love with you" Thank you patrion Saint Marisha Ray.

Joshua in Yasha's POV was the Stormlord -- someone she vaguely knows loves her but always leaves her, feeling unsure of where to go or what to do. In Beau's POV, Yasha is Joshua. A figure in her life which leaves her just as she begins to fall.

The song turns from Beau realising that there is no way to shove or hide how she feels, allowing herself to fall and to trust Yasha… only to find that it is not as scary as she first feared. Again, "(wash away)" reminding us that the narrator is letting go in some way. For Yasha, it is pain. For Beau, it is fear. Both POV emphasise that they grow and change because of one another, learning to trust and allow those vices to find happiness (both in themselves and each other).

[dailyaudiobible]

09/24/2021 DAB Transcript

Isaiah 43:14-45:10, Ephesians 3:1-21, Psalm 68:1-18, Proverbs 24:1-2

Today is the 24th day of September, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian, it is great to be here with you today as we continue our journey around the sun and through the Bible and we have worked our way all the way, well, we’re kind of in the last quarter I guess, of the book of Isaiah and we’re also working our way through the letter to the Ephesians. So, let's dive in today Isaiah chapter 43 verse 14 through 45 verse 10.

Commentary:

Okay, so I have mentioned that Ephesians, at least as I read it, it's like an ever upward climb to these higher vistas to see further, to see further horizons, to see more and understand more. And it’s not like Paul’s saying in this letter like, things it he hasn't said in other ways, but he's in prison and he is writing this passionately. This vision of what's really going on here, and if we just meditate on it. If we just take it in slowly. It is so huge. So, Paul is talking about revelations that he has received, mysteries that he is received, that have previously been unrevealed and I quote “this mystery is that in Christ Jesus, the Gentiles are fellow heirs, members of the same body, and people who also share in the promise through the gospel.” Well so, previously the understanding that Paul had as a Pharisee is that the Jews are the exclusive people and that's what they think but this revelation, this mystery that has been revealed to Paul that he is preaching, well that touches all of us because most of us are Gentiles. And so, for Paul to say that the mystery that’s been revealed is that through Christ, Gentiles and Jews are fellow heirs, members of the same body, people who share in the same promise through the gospel. What Paul is saying is that this is available to everybody in the world which is huge and for me, a Gentile a overwhelming flow of gratitude. Paul goes on, as if to answer a question like, why would God do that, why, why would He welcome everybody in the world, and I quote Paul again “He did this so that through the church, the multifaceted wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. This was done according to the eternal purpose that He accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Okay, that's pretty cosmic in its implications. This is saying God, in his goodness and offering you eternal life, opening a way, welcoming you home. This makes His wisdom known and we are like a living witness, a living display to the unseen realms, that is huge to contemplate. That is a massive vista to just understand that we are all part of something way bigger than…than we ever pay attention to. Paul says because of all of that, because of this gift and because of what it's doing, in Jesus, we can freely approach God with confidence, through faith in Him. We could say yes, this is a theological formula I’ve known for a very long time but think about that. We can freely approach God, the most high God, with confidence through faith in Him. Let's try to live into this today. Let's try to contemplate, consider, meditate upon, allow it to sink in. Even Paul seems blown away. Even as he is writing it down and he gives kind of a benediction here at the end of our reading and so, let's just let this benediction wash over us as we bask in the goodness of God.

Prayer:

For this reason, I kneel before the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the entire family in heaven and on earth receives its name. I pray that, according to the riches of His glory, He would strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner self, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. Then, being rooted and grounded in love, I pray that you would be able to comprehend, along with all the saints, how wide and long and high and deep His love is, and that you would be able to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled to all the fullness of God. Now to Him, who is able, according to the power that is at work within us, to do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base. That is the website, and it is how you get connected and find out what's going on around here. So certainly, check it out. If you’re using the app you can access these things by pushing the drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner of the app screen in there or on the web, you’ll find the Community section. In the Community section you’ll find different links to the social media channels that the Daily Audio Bible participates in. You will also find the Prayer Wall which is always on and never off and always available. You can always request prayer on the Prayer Wall. You can also, you know, kind of glance through and see where the Spirit may be leading you to pray and pray for your brothers and sisters who are also going through things and give them a word of encouragement. It means so much to know you’re not carrying it alone; it means so much to know that somebody is praying for you and it's a beautiful thing. It's truly a beautiful thing to know that somebody that you may never actually get to meet in person is praying for you by name because we’re the family of God. So, if you haven't ever visited the Prayer Wall, please be aware it's in the Community section either on the app or at the website, so check it out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, thank you humbly, humbly for your partnership. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you are using the Daily Audio Bible app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is P.O. Box 1996 Springhill, Tennessee 37174.

And as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, that's the little red button up at the top break or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian, I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Prayer and Encouragements:

Hi, Daily Audio Bible, my name is New Eyes and I’m from Chattanooga, Tennessee and I’m calling in for the first time because I was really moved by some prayer requests the other day and I wanted to lift some folks up here in our community. First of all, I would like to thank the Lord for Trent and his encouragement to all of us to be thankful for what we have, I know I definitely need that and I want to lift up Vicki from Southern California and Tammy, who is in remission from ovarian cancer. I really want to lift you ladies up to the Lord, for how much you are just laying at the foot of the cross and trusting God to give you peace in such a hard time. And, I also want to pray for Giovanni whose whole family is sick with the coronavirus. Lord, just bring Your healing, bring Your Holy Spirit and touch Giovanni and his family in this long, frustrating battle with this virus and I just ask that You would bless him. And family, it's my first time calling in and I could really use some prayers this week as I'm sending my 18-year-old son to a youth with a mission discipleship training school in Hawaii and he’s gonna be gone for six months and it's his first time away from home and I'm so excited for him but it's also really hard for this mama. So, if you could lift him up just send him blessings and prayers for an amazing time. I really love this community. You guys are an incredible blessing. Thank you for praying. Keep it up.

Hello Daily Audio family. My name is Sharon I'm calling to ask for prayer for my daughter, Sharon. She's been told she needs open-heart surgery, she's really, we’re really afraid. Each time we speak to a doctor we’re afraid and she starts crying and I start crying. I'm asking that you pray that, pray, send prayers for us that we can get through this situation and come out whole on the other side. I pray with her and I know that God can do all things and I prayed that He will give us the strength, first and foremost, that she doesn't need the surgery and that we will get a second opinion. We just need prayer right now family. Thank you.

Hello my DAB family this is Minnesota Aruka Regina. I haven't talked to you in a while, just want to tell you how much I love you and care about each and every one of you. On September 21st Danielle, I thank you so much for giving us an update on that 19-year-old girl Lord, it just really made me kind of cry and I want to lift her up in prayer. Loving Father, I just am so grateful for You being there for this young 19-year-old gal who was adopted…abducted and violated Father. Thank You for seeing her and for being faithful to find Your precious lost sheep. Lord, I just pray right now that You please speak love into her traumatic soul where she's been hurt and crushed and bruised Lord. I pray that You just reach her heart, let her know that You cried with her in those days that she was gone and it hurts Your spirit. But You were already making a plan for her and You are now helping her. Lord, I pray that You heal her. Let her know that You love her and You care about her and You are a God that can restore Lord. Bring someone into her life that can…can help her to be able to process everything and to break all of the bonds of this troubled man. May she not feel guilty and shameful for what is happening. It's not her fault. Help her to forgive. Help her to learn to love and to be loved again. We give You all the glory and honor in the name of the Father and the Son. Amen.

Hey DAB fam this is Laura in Eugene. I just want to call and lift up Val in Vegas in prayer. Heavenly Father, Lord, I just lift Val up to You, I pray for strength and courage as she recovers from her recent surgery. Lord, I pray for her medical team as decisions for what happens next are coming and I pray that You would help Val to rest in Your peace and Your comfort and Your care, that she could just feel that peace that passes all comprehension Lord. I pray that You would continue to be with her and guide her through this hard time but I’m just so grateful that she’s moving forward and getting the care that she needs Lord. Father, just keep watch over her. Thank You. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Hi my name is Maggie Mae and I’m calling in certain dyer straights. My whole family, I just found out my whole family is sick. My three grandchildren, my son. My grandson has got a fever of 105, they don’t know what is wrong with him. He’s only two years old. My older grandson who’s 17 he’s sick with RSV, they said that they don’t know, I don’t even know what that is. My granddaughter is so sick, the only one that’s not sick is the mother. I am beside myself with my grandson who is so, so sick. He’s so sick he’s burning. I pray the blood of Jesus over Armanie over Arianna over Marc Anthony. He just lost his father. I pray for my son Marc Anthony. They’re not saved. Please, God don’t take my family. Please, God don’t take my family. Please, oh please, don’t take my family. Please. Thank you, I’m sorry for the emotions but I feel so hopeless. I feel so hopeless. Please pray for them. Please take care of Dominic, Arrianna and Marc Anthony. Please, thank you.

[thorne93]

The Softest Fire (Part 9)

Prompt: Rosaline Vaughan had it all: fame, money, power, glory, a high status job. Until, one day, she woke up, and realized something was missing from her life.

Word Count: 1612

Warnings: dealing with animals(??), manipulation, angst

Notes: First Fantastic Beast fic! I could NOT have done this at all without @arrow-guy​​​. They have created a counterpart to this fic, writing it from Nora Vaughan’s perspective (Rosaline’s cousin/adopted sister). Fic aesthetic done by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​​.

I awoke in a dark room, not by lack of light, but by the deep blacks and greens all over the sitting area. I was laid in a chaise lounge, with Gellert across from me in a chair. He was leaned back, watching me, observing me. Other than feeling groggy, I felt perfectly fine, relaxed even. 

“She’s awake,” Queenie’s voice suddenly sounded in the room.

“Tell me about her,” he demanded in a smooth voice, positioning himself closer to me. 

“She possesses great power… and she knows this…”

“How great?” he asked. 

“Seems like she’s got something close to one Albus Dumbledore… You know him?” 

He seemed to stiffen at the name. “Yes, I do. Go on, what else?” 

“She’s got a broken heart,” Queenie explained, sounding a little perplexed.

At this, Gellert raised his eyebrows. “Oh, she does, does she? Who? Why? What happened?”

As Queenie dug, she gasped after a moment. I suppose I should’ve felt exposed, vulnerable, violated… But laying there, I felt as if I’d woken up from the most refreshing slumber I’d ever had. 

“Newt Scamander… He loves my sister… Rosaline told him and he didn’t say anything in return. So she’s heartbroken that he loves someone else.”

“Ah, unrequited love… It truly does hurt, doesn’t it?” he asked as he got up and took a place by my feet on the lounge.

“She feels like a last resort…. Like she’s never good enough,” Queenie added. The truth of her words made my heart sting, even through the euphoria. 

Gellert looked to Queenie, then nodded, as if to dismiss her.

“Darling, I would very much like it if you joined me.”

I smiled up at him. “Absolutely. Anything you need,” I uttered without hesitation or defiance.

“That is exactly what I like to hear. Now, we need you to use some of that Ministry and politician charm. Do you think you can do that for me, sweetheart?” he asked before picking up my hand and kissing it. 

“I’ll do anything you ask.”

Gellert looked to Queenie. “So obedient she is. I love it.”

Queenie nodded once, seeming to agree with Gellert. 

“Come, my dove, we must dress you more appropriately, to reflect that you’re sharing my views now.” 

“Whatever you think is best.” 

“That’s my girl,” he boasted happily before leaning down to steal a kiss. 

--------------------

“How is this?” Vinda asked, Gellert’s seeming right hand woman. She had brought me into one of the bedrooms, letting me try on an outfit of hers. She was full figured, not a twig by any means, and gorgeous. She had this stunning, soft beauty about her that even I envied. 

“I think I like it,” I stated, looking at my reflection in the mirror. She let me have a long black skirt with a thick black shiny belt, topping it off with a coat that served as both my shirt and jacket. The jacket was velvet, black, empowering. I rather liked the sleek, long lines it gave my form. I was always fond of long styled garments, wearing calf length coats. This was floor length, not my usual style, yet it was absolutely flattering.

“Good. I believe I am to take you shopping tomorrow,” she informed with a sweet smile.

“Thank you,” I softly said. 

“My pleasure. Grindelwald would like to speak to you now,” she explained and I nodded. 

She led me through the home and we ended up in a small sitting room near the kitchen. As soon as she got me situated across from him, she left, closing the door behind her. We were alone, for the first time since I’d met him. 

“Rosaline,” he began, staring at me with eyes in awe. 

“Gellert,” I greeted. 

“I would like to share with you my vision,” he continued, rubbing his hands slightly as they sat on the table, his gaze dropping down. 

“Please,” I urged gently. 

“It is my belief that many of the wizarding community think I hate the non-magical.”

“You don’t?” I wondered, recalling such thoughts myself.

He shook his head, making a face of slight disappointment. “No, no. No I simply want the Statute of Wizarding Secrecy abolished. That’s all. I don’t want to hurt the non-magical. I only want us to be free. For us to love freely, show our magic freely… Is that so wrong?” 

I bobbed my head side to side. “No, I don’t think so.” 

A side smile crept up on his face. “That’s good. I’m glad. Would you help me in this endeavor?” 

“What would you need me to do?” I wondered, curious.

“Do you still have your connections at the Ministry?”

“Absolutely.” 

“I may need you to get inside the heads of a few important people there. Help to spread our message, get the word out. Make people understand that they have my ideas all wrong. Do you think you could do that?” 

A quick grin spread on my face. “Yes!” 

“Delightful. I will give you the names of the people I would like you to sway. Meet with them how you please, but do it quickly. Time is of the essence.” 

I nodded. “Yes. I understand. But… if these people you seek refuse to listen, shall I kill them?” 

He seemed to choke on air before shaking his head. “No, no. There is no point for violence, sweetheart. No. If they do not listen, perhaps an Imperius curse?” 

“Easy enough.” 

“Glad you think so.” 

“Anything else?”

“Would you care to join me for dinner? I’d very much like to discuss something else with you.” 

“I’d be honored.” 

He stood, kissing the top of my head. “It’s a date then. I will see you tonight, seven o’clock, here. Vinda will give you the names, make quick work, Rosaline. I’m counting on you.”

“I won’t let you down, Gellert.”

He smiled at me, his hand on the door as it opened. “I know you won’t. That’s why I chose you.” 

--------------------------

We were now at  Nurmengard Castle, with myself and Gellert in the library. I believe he was studying spells while I was going over potions. He sat across the table from me in the expansive room, kept warm by a roaring fire, staring at me. 

“Something on your mind, Gellert?” I questioned with a coy smile, not raising my eyes from the book.

He shifted in his seat, leaning forward. “I must confess, I find myself puzzled by you. Your past. How you came to be who you are.” 

I lowered my book and looked up at him. “What would you like to know?” 

“Everything, I suppose. What makes you… you. You’re peculiar.”

“How so?” 

“I can’t put my finger on it, but I do know I’d like to know more about you.” 

I nodded. “Very well. I was orphaned at age four, taken in by my aunt and uncle, raised with my cousin Nora. She and I became close. I went to Hogwarts, became Head Girl, graduated top of my class, and went into the Ministry.” I laughed lightly. “I’m not exactly fascinating. Why do you want to know all this?” 

“Because you’re very different from anyone I’ve met and I’d like to know why you are the way you are.” He frowned at me for a moment. “Why aren’t you married? Someone as stunning, bright, and successful as you surely had many suitors. “ 

Again, a gentle chuckle came out me. “Well to be quite frank, in school, I only wanted to focus on school. I just wanted to be the best witch I could be. Then I graduated and my job became my priority, thankfully, because it gained me a spot to be the next Minister.”

“And you didn’t go through with that? You had started your campaign, but you stopped -- why?”

I shrugged slightly. “I just… I wasn’t making a difference in the world, not really. I was capturing people who had done something wrong, but I didn’t really know their story. I didn’t get a chance to be a judge, just a person to help take the person to their sentencing. I just wanted to feel passionate and feel involved.” 

“Is that when you sought out the Scamander boy?” 

I shook my head. “No, actually, I was looking for any sort of fulfilling work, Newt just happened to be looking for an assistant.”

An eyebrow perched up. “I don’t see you being an assistant to someone like him. You’re far above him. Did you like the work?” 

“I did,” I nodded. “Working with those creatures was so inspiring. I think in a way, they humbled me, a little.”

“A woman like you, of your talent should never be humbled, or anyone’s assistant.”

I blushed, looking down for a moment. “Thank you, Gellert. That’s kind of you.” 

“Do you miss your cousin, your family?” 

I frowned, thinking for a moment. That was an odd question to me, for some reason. “I...I don’t think so. No. I have you.” I looked up at him with renewed sparkle in my eyes.

He smiled fondly. “That’s good to hear. And Newt? I know you had feelings for him. Do you miss him?” 

I shook my head, squaring my shoulders as my chin jutted towards the ceiling. “No. He’s in love with a witch from America and clearly I wasn’t good enough for him, so he’s not good enough for me.”

“Wise woman,” he commended with a coy side grin. “I really do admire that about you.” 

“Thank you. Did I answer your questions?” I asked, hopeful that I satisfied all his curiosities. 

“Yes, you did. Go back to your reading, my love.”

I smiled and did as he told.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[shamandrummer]

Soul Flight: A Spiritual Prescription for Coronavirus

I am not a medical professional or an expert on epidemics. I leave the critical information in those important fields for the experts who have the appropriate training to help us get through the coronavirus pandemic. Even though I do not possess medical knowledge, as a shamanic practitioner, I believe I can try to humbly prescribe a vaccine that can heal the spirit -- the soul flight or shamanic journey. In the shamanic world, all healing begins with the spirit.

Shamanism is based on the principle that innate wisdom and guidance can be accessed through the inner senses in ecstatic trance. Basically, shamanic journeying is a way of communicating with your inner or true self and retrieving information. Your inner self is in constant communication with all aspects of your environment, seen and unseen. You need only journey within to find answers to your questions. You should have a question or objective in mind from the start. Shamanic journeying may be undertaken for purposes of divination, for personal healing, or for any number of other reasons. After the journey, you must then interpret the meaning of your trance experience.

Drumming (or listening to a shamanic drumming recording) is a simple and effective way to induce this ecstatic trance state. When a drum is played at an even tempo of three to four beats per second for at least fifteen minutes, most novices report that they can journey successfully even on their first attempt. Transported by the driving beat of the drum; the shamanic traveler journeys to the inner planes of consciousness: the Upper, Middle, and Lower Worlds. You should always journey with a purpose, question or intention. Some good reasons to take a shamanic journey at this challenging time are….

1. To reconnect with your inner or spirit self: Shamanic journeying heightens the ability of perception and enables you to see into the deeper realms of the self. The moment you bond with your spirit is the moment your heart opens. The first time you glimpse your spirit self, you gasp and cry. You know who you are. That is the moment you begin to heal. Journey work reconnects us to our core, enhancing our sense of empowerment and stimulating our creative expression.

2. To clarify life purpose: When we are unaware of our soul's true purpose or simply not aligned in our actions, we often experience a malaise of the spirit. We can engage the blueprint of our soul path through the vehicle of journeying. Shamanic journeying is a time-tested medium for individual self-realization. We can journey within to access wisdom and energies that can help awaken our soul calling and restore us to wholeness. Journey work reconnects us with our deepest core values and our highest vision of who we are and why we are here. It heightens our sense of mission and purpose, empowering our personal evolution.

3. To access a higher power: Shamanism provides a secular approach to accessing a higher power. Shamanic methodology directly supports the introduction of spiritual factors found significant in the healing process. According to the American Journal of Public Health, "Shamanic activities bring people efficiently and directly into immediate encounters with spiritual forces, focusing the client on the whole body and integrating healing at physical and spiritual levels. This process allows them to connect with the power of the universe, to externalize their own knowledge, and to internalize their answers; it also enhances their sense of empowerment and responsibility. These experiences are healing, bringing the restorative powers of nature to clinical settings."

4. To divine information: You can journey within to obtain information about personal and community issues. Your helping spirits are a good resource when it comes to answering questions pertaining to relationships, health issues, or any issue. To divine information in a journey, begin with a clear question that you would like to ask of your helping spirits. Decide which of your helping spirits you would like to answer your question, and then journey to the place where you normally meet them in non-ordinary reality. Of course you can ask your question to as many of your helping spirits as you wish. When divining or healing on behalf of others, it is vital that you have their permission.

5. To develop relationships with the helping spirits who dwell in the three inner planes of consciousness -- the Upper, Middle, and Lower Worlds: Shamanism is a sacred call to build relationship with the caretakers in the unseen world who want to support the earth and her inhabitants at this time. These helping spirits might be the spirits of nature, animals, plants, the elements, or ancestors. The reason for developing personal relationships with spirit helpers is to gain wisdom, healing techniques, and other vital information that can benefit the community. Similar to the way friendships develop gradually, our relationships with spirits grow and deepen based on repeated interaction and building trust over time.

6. To reconnect with benevolent ancestors: Your ancestors and the collective spiritual power of all those who went before you reside in the spirit world. When your own time comes to pass on, you will become part of this vast collective unconscious. If you embark on a journey with the intention of connecting with those who have passed, they may come to meet you. Keep in mind that spirits choose to come into relationship with the person seeking. You can seek ancestral spirits, but the spirits must choose.

7. To prepare for death: Shamans believe that learning to leave the physical body is important, for without this experience, the soul may become confused after death and remain stuck in the Middle World. When a person dies, there is usually a smooth transition into the afterlife, but when a person suffers a traumatic death, they may not have an awareness of who and where they are. This makes it difficult for them to make their journey to the afterlife. Other souls linger in the space between life and the afterlife for fear of going to hell. Sadly, most of the psychopomp rites of passage that once helped prepare a person for death have disappeared. Hence, journeying is one of the most important shamanic skills that we can develop. By journeying to the Lower World, the place to which human souls travel upon physical death, we can prepare for our own death. That said, perhaps the most compelling reason to journey is...

8. To find ways to restore balance in the world: As anthropologist and author Felicitas Goodman points out, "One of the most pervasive traditions of shamanic cultures is the insight that there exists a patterned cosmological order, which can be disturbed by human activity." When harmony between the human realm and the original intended pattern is disturbed, the shaman makes a spirit journey to the Upper World to bring back the balance. Shamans also go there to acquire archetypal knowledge, to bring a vision into being, or to influence events in the material world. By interacting with the archetypes, the shaman interacts with their counterparts in the outer world.

Try a Shamanic Journey

To enter a trance state and support your journey, click here to listen to a track from my CD "Shamanic Journey Drumming." Reflect for a moment on the purpose of your journey, and then close your eyes. Focus your attention on the sound of the drum and feel yourself being carried away by the sound. If for any reason you want to return, just retrace your steps back. You will hear a call back signal near the end of the video, followed by a short period of slow heartbeat drumming to assist you in refocusing your awareness back to your physical body. Sit quietly for a few moments, and then open your eyes.

After the journey, you must then interpret the meaning of your trance experience.  In some cases, your journey experiences will be clear and easy to understand. At other times, your journey may be dreamlike and full of symbolism. Interpret such journeys as you would any dream. Look for possible associations related to each symbol or image. The key is to observe whatever happens without trying to analyze the experience. Like developing any skill, journeying takes practice. Nothing may happen on your first journeys. You may only experience darkness. When this happens, simply try again at a different time.

[wolfandsheep200]

Chapter 4: A loss of personalized freedom. A Promotion of Rank.

Neopoilitan walked in silence alongside Mercury Black all the way to Salem's Throne Room. Once, at the door which separated them from Her Majesty. Mercury stepped foward. His left hand raised to knock. Before He could however. Neopoilitan reached over and in the briefest of instances squeezed Mercury's right hand. The movement was so slight on her part. That if a body wasn't specifically looking for an interaction between these two. This small jester of solidarity would have gone unnoticed. Mercury's left hand hung suspended in the air before the door for what felt like an impossibility long time. Then as if everything around them started moving again. Mercury completed the knock. The door opened with a vooming hissing sound. As if the fresh air from the hallway was flooding into the vacuumed chamber. Neopoilitan having fulfilled her assignment, turned and begun to make her leave. Neopoilitan made it several steps down the hall before quietly crumbling into a pile of dust. Mercury closed his gray eyes. Wherever the corporal body of Neopoilitan was right now. She was in trouble. Her aura field had just broken. And as a consensus, her after image clone had turned to dust. Instead of shattering the way one of Neopoilitan illusion should have. If an assailant had broken the illusion, through an attack. All Mercury could do now was hope his friend was okay. And that none of those he worked with saw what he had just witnessed. Mercury gathered himself faced foward and stood silently in the doorway. Until Salem finally acknowledged his presence.

"Are you going to stand there forever child? Are our you going to come inside?"

Just awaiting your personal invitation. Your Grace. Mercury replied. Before bowing his head and entering Her Throneroom. Mercury walked in kneeling before Salem. Cinder always kneeled with her left knee to the floor. And Cinder was Mercury's Client. So Mercury imitated his client actions. To a T. Kneeling with his left knee touching the floor.

"There's no need for that, at this moment." Salem announced. "Rise!"

Mercury rose to his feet. His eyes immediately picking a spot on the floor ahead of him and gluing themselves there. Salem had only told him he could stand in her presence. She hadn't issued him any directive stating he could lay his eyes on her royal Visage.

"Do you know why I summoned you before me?" Salem asked.

"I do not presume to know the inner workings of your mind. Your grace. " Mercury answered.

Mercury's Father Marcus Black. Had trained his Son from early childhood on how to respond when dealing with clientele of all sorts.

"For all people from all ways of life have a need to utilized our services. And from time to time you'llbe throwna curveball. A pitch so drastically different from anything you've ever seen before. That you won't know how to cope. That is the reason for learning this Mercury. Because one day.. I won't be there to hold your hand and it will behoove you to understand how to conduct yourself in those intimate circles. That our clients walk in."

And so that Mercury learned this lesson and many more just like it. Marcus ensured that simple things. Such as, Mercury would have no miscommunication, or indirect understanding on how to react. When One was to speaking to Royalty. To ensure this. Marcus had laid Mercury's failures to do so correctly. Bare and in numerous presence across his back. Only now at this moment could Mercury see the need for what his father had been trying to teach him.

"I summoned you before me." Salme began. "Because I believe Cinder has failed to obey Me. Earlier Cinder came before me with concerns that Atlas would get communications between themselves and the rest of the world up and running. She asked if she could take a small contingent and quell this heriecy before it has a chance to begin. I gave her specific instructions to ignore their vain attempt to raise the alarm and under no circumstances was she to leave my Castle. Without my expressed authority. Now I fear Cinder has bluntly disobeyed me. And as a consequence of this action she will have to be punished." Salem paused. Waiting to get a reaction from him. Mercury denied her the satisfaction. He was not Emerald he was not going to be baited. Instead Mercury doubled down focusing all his attention on that spot on the floor. As if it was the most interesting object in the world. Finally seeing that she'd get no rise from the young man before her. Salem asked a question. So I wish for you to presume for me. "What do you think I'm going to do?"

Mercury gathered his thoughts before speaking everthing he was to say had to make some logical scene if he was to help Cinder.

"Frist off." He began. I'd like to say I appreciate your candor. So often an underling is called in to receive punishment for the mistakes of their employer's and those handing down the punishments. Never even have the decency to let those being punished to even know why. All I have is one question.

Salem chuckled amused. Particularly interested to see where this line of thought ended its destination. Right now the young man before her. Was believing she meant to take her displeasure with Cinders behavior out on him.

"And what question would that be?" She asked

Am I just going to be beaten and maimed, or should I be putting my affairs in order?"

Somehow this question stopped Salem. Stopped her dead in her tracks. The young Man had just calmly and nonchalantly implied that Salem should kill him in order to send a message to one of her followers. Who was this young man and where had he come from?

"No nothing like that. Salem said The kind of punishment I've got in mind won't have anyone who serves me spilling unnecessary blood. For today at least. Try again.

Mercury thought about it for a moment. "If the punishment you have in mind isn't going to include violence then. I can only assume you wish to personalize it to Cinder based off information you already know about her. And therefore without having access to that same vein of information. I would be unable to ever properly make an accurate assessment capable of pleasing your grace.

"Your words our wise. Clearly Cinder has vision in her employ. Vision I'd prefer to have in my own. And so I shall." Salem clapped her hands together. Mercury still refused to look up. If he had he would have seen a smug grin pass across her radiant features. "Mercury former disciple of Cinder. I am personally promoting you to the the inner circle. No longer will you apply your trade in Cinders employ. From now on you will only take orders from me and no one else. And in return I shall provide you with the riches of the world. That is a vague promise Mercury though in my world people like myself sing contracts and we don't break them. Without your ink on paper and Cinders ink relinquishing me from my terms of service I cannot enter into a contract with you. So telling me I now work for you is kind of pointless. Yet Mercury said none of this. Infact he said the direct opposite. Seeing an opportunity to save Cinder from any real repercussions.

"I am honored and greatfuly humbled by how you have chosen to place your trust in me. I hope that the promotion of myself a former underlying to Cinder Fall. Will have the intended effect of letting her know anyone can be promoted or demoted at any given time and she will quickly fall back into line.

Salem was somehow less than pleased with this answer. Yet couldn't understand why. And that irrated her to no end.

"Go now." Salem announced. And await my further orders I have big plans for you." Mercury walked outside as soon as the door was closed he kicked the dust pile left behind by Neopoilitan. Until the evidence was throughly scattered.

This has been Chapter 4: A Loss of Personalized Freedom. A promotion of rank. This chapter was written by Wolf and Sheep 200 and is a work of fan fiction. As always please feel free to leave a comment. I look foward to hearing them. And merry Christmas. Peace out for now.

[mavrisfanfics]

[Request] Genji x Reader - T-That’s a Dragon!

Fandom: Overwatch

Pairing: Genji x Reader

Words:3193 (went a little overboard here)

Warnings: None, I think

Notes: I don’t know I long I have this in my inbox because, again college is a bitch. Writing has been the last thing in my mind, honestly...

I everything goes well I’ll finish it in september... Plz pray for me, I need it...

---___---___---___---___---___---

A sigh left you as your fingers ran through dark tresses of hair. By the time the sobs started to calm, Genji entered the room, giving you a shrug, before calling for the young boy curled up at your side. Wet, brown eyes revealed themselves.

“No Monster…” Genji said as he walked to the bed.

“But I saw it!! I saw the monster!!” The young boy turned fully to his father, fear turning to disbelief. You pulled the child back to you and kissed his head.

“You know how daddy is, he’s too humble to admit he fought the monster away.” You winked at Genji, making the man chuckle.

“You caught me. I fought the monster, he won’t be back” He confirmed with raised hands. The boy straightened up.

“Really? Promise, papa?” Genji nodded.

“Want me and mommy to show you?”

With some reluctance the boy left the bed, ready to follow his father. Behind his back, you rolled your eyes at Genji before following suit. Did he have to drag you out of bed too?

After showing your son that his room was safe, you and Genji returned to bed, your son already in his, halfway to dreamland. The happy and safe façade you both held shattered the moment your head hit the pillows.

“This is getting pathetic…” You muttered with an arm over your eyes.

“He’s just a kid, it’s normal.” Genji replied, holding you closer to him and digging his face in your back.

“Genji, he’s been waking us up in the middle of the night, every night, for the past three weeks! What of that is normal?!” He sighed in defeat. You turned to him, worry reflected in your eyes.

“Should…Should… we take him to a therapist or something?” You asked. Genji thought for a while before replying.

“No, not yet. We should try to help him out first, don’t you think?” You frowned, doubts filling your head. Before you could voice them, Genji chuckled “Don’t worry, I’ll handle it, angel, just go to sleep.”

He kissed your lips as he pulled you even closer into his embrace.

---___---___---___---___---

Morning light painted the kitchen with gold. Genji was happily chatting away with your son, while you lazily sipped a cup of liquid energy. You were honestly too tired to join in the beaming energy they shared, thanks to another night filled with worry related insomnia, but you still indulged in admiring their smiling faces.

“So, did the monster bother you again, (s/n)?” Genji eventually asked, shifting the conversation. You perked up just a little bit.

“No, but they’ll come again tonight, won’t they, papa?” Your son’s smile gave place to a frown, twisting your heart into a knot. Genji only chuckled.

“No, I’ll catch it! But first, you need to tell me what it looks like, so I can find it!” Your eyes widened. You looked at Genji, who gave you a reassuring nod. Your son bit his finger and looked sideways.

“It’s big and yellow…” He started, pausing a second afterwards. “ It has big yellow eyes and small horns!” He put his fingers to the head, mimicking the mentioned feature, before putting them to his mouth like fangs. “It has teeth this big! And very pointy! It also flies…” He drifts off for a second, thinking. “Oh! And it has a scary growl!”

You were inwardly disappointed at the vague description. Genji tried to not let that same disappointment show, but you could read him well enough to feel.

“Hm, I don’t know, that looks hard to find!” Genji exclaimed dramatically. “You’re sure there is nothing else?”

As both father and son tried to come up with a better description of the nightmarish visions your son had, your brain started to wake up. Tired of not getting anywhere, you got up to start doing chores. It so happened your eyes fell on the notepad stuck to the fridge, giving you an idea.

“(S/n)?” You called, offering said notepad and a pen to your son. “Why don’t you draw the monster? It should be easier for papa to find it!”

He took the materials and started to draw. You came up behind Genji and bent down to hug his neck, head resting over your arms, right next to his.

“Great idea” You heard him whisper. “How come I didn’t think of that?”

“Because you’re tired and I’m the smart one.” You chuckled. Genji leaned into you, as your child kept scribbling on the paper, face scrunched in concentration.

Eventually, he finally turned the paper to you, proud of his depiction of the evil entity.

“This is the monster!”

You released Genji to lean for a closer look. It was… a spiky snake? You had no idea what to say.

“Genji, will this work?” You looked at your husband and had to contain yourself to not make a double take. He looked livid, eyes wide and mouth agape in either wonder or horror, you honestly didn’t know. He blinked quickly and his face returned to normal, before his child could see it. Genji smiled at him and ripped off the page.

“Of course, I’ll definitely catch it now! Why don’t you go play for a while, (s\n)? I promise, I will find the monster.” Genji helped him out of his chair, smile still on his lips. But as soon as your child ran out of sight, he sat back down and collapsed over the table, his head hitting it too hard for you liking. You carefully approached him, rubbing his back slowly.

“Genji?... What is it? Is something wrong?” You were legitimately worried from his reaction alone. He mumbled something you didn’t understand, not because he was mumbling into the table, but because your Japanese was too rusty to understand the meaning.

“I… didn’t get that…” You admitted. Genji leaned back on the chair, looking upwards at you.

“It’s…It’s a dragon… A spirit dragon…”

You looked back at the paper still in his hands. A dragon? Your head tilted, trying from see a different angle.

“Oh…”

The two remained silent. You had completely forgot what the Shimada blood carried, and you had no idea if Genji wanted to see it in your child, from his reaction alone.

You sat down next to him and pulled Genji to you, hugging his waist. Although you were afraid of Genji’s reaction to this all, you figured beating around the bush wouldn’t help.

“So… How do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know!” He admitted. “Part of me is proud, but I wanted to keep him away from the clan and everything, give him a normal life, but…”

You could sense Genji’s insecurities bubble up to the surface. It was the same wave of nervousness from when you were pregnant. Will I be a good father? Won’t the child think of me as a monster? What about the dragons? The clan? Will they hate me and their “legacy”? These were doubts no meditation could silence.

And you couldn’t help him if you couldn’t control your own.

“Genji Shimada, listen to me.” You started. You took a deep breath, before looking him in the eye. “We’re not sure it a dragon. It could just be a strange nightmare and there is no Shimada blood involved.” Genji tried to cut you off, but you put your finger over his lips to silence him. “Kids have strange imagination, and this could just be a spiky snake monster, okay?”

“That’s literally what a dragon is.” He commented, but you brushed it off.

“Yeah, I won’t believe it until I see a yellow spirit dragon floating around the house. Besides, if he’s afraid of it, how can he summon it?”

“Unconsciously, of course…” Genji replied. You shook your head

“Again, I won’t believe it until I see a yellow dragon floating around the house.”

“What do we do then? If it’s unconscious, I can’t ask him to do it…” You thought for a second.

“Well, he usually sees the ‘monster’ at night, right!? What if he sleeps with us tonight? When he wakes up screaming, we’ll see. If there’s nothing, it’s a nightmare, if there’s a dragon… we’ll figure it out!”

Genji pulled you to him and laid his forehead against yours. He closed his eyes in thought, while you awaited his answer.

“I think… Yeah, we can do that.” You rubbed your nose to his, in a small attempt to cheer him up. It worked, a soft smile bloomed in his lips, before he pulled you in for a kiss.

“We’ll deal with this together, okay?” You assured. “Now how about you go to Zenyatta and meditate a bit? You need to clear your head.”

---___---___---___---___---___---

As the sky turned darker, Genji became more on edge. You told your son that he’d be sleeping with you because Genji couldn’t find “the monster” that day. After some minutes of panicked cries, you eventually calmed down the young boy and convinced him to get ready for bed.

You too felt tense as bedtime approached, afraid of the night to come.

The three of you finally dived under the covers, with both you and Genji spooning the child between you and a free hand intertwined next to the boy’s head.

As the clock advanced, you watched your son fall asleep, his breath slowing into a peaceful pattern. But you could not follow, and looking at your husband, you could see his eyes shine in the dark. He was as awake as you, but neither dared to speak. You simply used your intertwined hands to communicate with reassuring squeezes.

Occasionally, you found yourself jolting awake when your son moved, and you noticed Genji react the same. By sun rise, your son didn’t wake up once, and both you and Genji where more tired than when you went to bed.

“Okay, so that didn’t work…” You uselessly pointed out over the remains of your breakfast. Genji’s state mirrored your own: droopy eyes and leaned over the table with his arm holding his chin. In the living room, you could hear the morning cartoons, entertaining your son, who appeared to have absorbed all the household energy that night.

“…I am still not convinced…” Genji muttered, spinning his mug with the hand that wasn’t holding his head.

“Wanna keep trying?” You questioned with a soft voice. Silence fell over you, as Genji mulled over his possibilities. It took a good while, but eventually he nodded.

And so, night returned. Bedtime came once more and the three went to sleep together again. Another uneventful night, only this time both you and Genji got some proper sleep. Even so, Genji was not convinced, so this kept going for a week until you had to step forward.

“Maybe it really is just a nightmare.” You pointed out after the 8th uneventful night in a row. “He probably feels safer when he’s with us and that’s why he doesn’t wake up.”

After a bit more convincing, Genji finally gave up and that night the young boy slept on his own bed, after both you and Genji swore the monster was gone. Even then, Genji remained awake most of the night, ready to jump out of bed if your son woke up again. It felt weird sleeping next to someone so tense, but you kept quiet and tried to get some sleep for yourself.

Nothing happened that night. Neither did it the next one, or the other one after.

Just like that, the nightmares stopped, and both you and Genji finally allowed yourselves a sigh of relief.

But one day, heavy dark clouds turned the day into night and rain fell. Thunder followed soon after, loud enough to shake the house. Your son immediately sought refuge, bursting into the kitchen where you were working on your laptop.

“You don’t really like thunder, do you?” You asked with a chuckle, combing your hands through the dark strands of the boy hugging you. He shook his head, face hidden on your side.

Figuring you needed a break, you closed your laptop and guided your child to the living room. You settled on the couch, son nestled on your side and a blanket over both. You tried to distract him with a movie and light chatter, and it worked, to an extent. He kept jumping and cuddling you harder whenever a flash of white would flood the room but would soon relax afterwards.

“What is this? Movie afternoon without me?” You heard Genji accuse as a light joke. You turned around to give him a loving smile.

“Didn’t want to interrupt your meditation session!” He jumped over the back of the couch and landed on the free spot in a perfect sitting position. The couch bounced, pulling a giggle from the young boy. You lightly rolled your eyes at the small show off.

The movie/ cuddle session resumed, now with Genji in the mix. After a while, another lightning filled the air with white, right before the house was plunged into darkness. You froze at the sudden blackout, but quickly relaxed when Genji’s cybernetics, the few he used around the house, filled the living room with a faint green glow. You son let go of you to glue himself to Genji, who muttered a curse in Japanese when he noticed the neighboring houses had gone dark too.

With a sigh of resignation, you got up from the couch.

“I’ll get something to light this up.”

“Perhaps I should go-“ Genji’s sentence got cut short by another lightning. He looked down at the boy bundled next to him, who curled tighter. “Actually, nevermind…”

You chuckled in response and pecked his lips before heading off to scavenge for any source of light. You had no idea how long you spent going through the house, but you knew you took longer than accepted when Genji walked into your bedroom, where you were digging for batteries in some drawer.

“Need some help?” He asked, noticing your lack of light.

“Yeah… The flashlight is out of batteries…” Genji stood beside you, allowing his cybernetics to illuminate the drawer. “What about (S/n)? You left him alone?” You asked.

“It took a while to convince him to release me, but yes. He’ll be fine.”

As if to disagree with him, another lightning ripped the skies open. A clash of thunder vibrated through the walls and you heard a scream, putting both you and Genji on alert. Struggling to put the batteries in the flashlight, you ran to the bedroom door

“It’s okay baby, you’re safe! We’re coming, just wait a second!” you yelled.

You had just snapped shut the flashlight when you heard another scream, more shrill and terrifying than the last one, and with no lightning or thunder that could have triggered it. You felt it run down your spine, mother instincts kicking in full force.

Both you and Genji ran out the room immediately. Genji quickly surpassed you and jumped the stairs entirely, ninja skills at full display. You were still at the top of the stairs when you saw Genji freeze in front of the living room door, and quickly deflate.

“No way…”

You were midway through the steps when your son ran out the room and barreled into Genji, quickly hiding behind him, bawling his eyes out, and only when you reached the bottom did you see it.

Floating in the middle of the living room was a yellowish- green dragon. Its body wasn’t well defined like Genji or Hanzo’s, more like a smoky shape. The head was clear, though its whiskers were like thin trails of smoke, instead of the defined lines you were used to. It struggled to move, its incomplete form making its movement slow and strange.

“T-that’s a dragon!...” You voiced your realization, at a loss.

Slowly, Genji kneeled down and turned to your son, voice calm and amused (or trying to, you noticed).

“(S/n)? There is nothing to fear. It’s a friend!”

“B-But it’s scary daddy! I’m scared!” Genji chuckled lightly and pulled his son closer with an arm around his shoulder. He moved the boy to his side.

“It’s scary so it can keep real monsters away, but it won’t hurt you, ever! Want to see?”

Before your son could protest, Genji stretched his free arm and a green light swirled down it before his own dragon took form, detailed and elegant unlike the other. Your son glued himself to Genji, eyes wary of the unknown creature, as it smoothly circled around them. The dragon brushed against Genji’s cheek in a sort of hello, before it floated over to you and curled itself around your neck like a scarf. You gladly accepted the cuddle.

“It’s okay, (S/n).” You approached them and kneeled as well. “There is no reason to be afraid!” You petted the dragon on your shoulder, and its purring stopped you son’s sobbing. The young boy kept his eyes on the dragon, curiosity taking over fear as he saw the ferocious beast turn into a noodle shaped cat at your ministrations. Genji then called his attention.

“Why don’t you call it?” He suggested, pointing at the yellow dragon.

Said dragon was now upside down and struggling to get itself upright, reminding you of a turtle, flailing with no success. Noticing the attention on it, the dragon stopped for a moment and stared at its master.

Still shaking, your son allowed Genji to lift his arm.

“Call it.” Your son shook his head and tried to step back, but you put your hands on his shoulders, reassuring him.

“Mommy and daddy are here for you. It won’t hurt you; we won’t let it.” You said. He looked at both his parents, received a nod from Genji, and puffed out his chest, ready to face the beast head on. Genji’s free hand reached out to you and you held it, fingers intertwined, shaking.

“H-Hey!”

The yellow dragon perked up, and slowly turned itself upright, still staring at its master. It then started to approach slowly, its shape getting slightly more defined as it got closer. When it was just a few inches away from the boy’s raised hand., it stopped. Genji squeezed your hand, waiting...

And finally, shaking, your son reached out, petting the yellow dragon’s head. Its eyes closed, content and purring, and nudged the small hand asking for more. Finally, your son giggled, fear of the dragon fully gone, and both you and Genji let out a sigh of relief. You leaned into him and lightly nuzzled his neck, the boy’s giggles making your hearts jump in happiness.

“…Do you think I can do it? Teach him?...” You hear Genji whisper. You turned his head to look at you and gave his brown eyes a look full of love and pride.

“I’m here, Genji. We made it so far, and we’ll keep doing fine, together.” As if confirming, Genji’s dragon huffed before vanishing back into its master. Genji smiled, pulled you close and you both watched your son and its new companion.

“Of course…Together, the five of us...”

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

Yes, once.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Nine (25.71% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Twenty-six.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

For a movie which is pretty much wall-to-wall fight scenes...I love it. I always start out going ‘maybe I overrate this movie, maybe it’s not as good as I remember’, but by the end, I’m right back in there.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Wanda apologises to Natasha for lying. It’s a close call.

Female characters:

Pepper Potts.

F.R.I.D.A.Y

Gamora.

Mantis.

Wanda Maximoff.

Natasha Romanoff.

Okoye.

Nebula.

Shuri.

Male characters:

Ebony Maw.

Thanos.

Thor.

Loki.

Heimdall.

Bruce Banner.

Stephen Strange.

Wong.

Tony Stark.

Peter Parker.

Ned.

Peter Quill.

Rocket.

Drax.

Groot.

Vision.

Steve Rogers.

Sam Wilson.

The Collector.

Thaddeus Ross.

James Rhodes.

T’Challa.

Bucky Barnes.

Eitri.

Red Skull.

M’Baku.

OTHER NOTES:

Heimdall had proven himself too much of an MVP in previous films to be allowed to live in this one. Bastards.

Heimdall and Loki, both dead before the opening titles. That’s how you know this movie means business, it’s not faking at high stakes.

I also am from space and have come here to steal a necklace from a wizard.

“Mr Stark, it smells like a new car in here!”

“All words are made up.”

Not gonna lie, when I saw this at the cinema and I realised that Captain America had arrived? My heart LEAPT. It was intense.

Depressed Thor is a great touch - after all previous films with Thor had him so bland, and then Ragnarok made him funny but essentially glossed over any of the difficult emotions it was dredging up, I’m glad to finally get something real and meaty from the character. If characters go through all manner of Hell and don’t show any signs of labouring under that weight, you’re doing character development wrong.

Nice callback with Red Skull.

The sacrifice of Gamora on Vormir is a really well-balanced piece; it was asking a lot, to make the emotion of it land despite how little of Thanos we’ve seen before, and without genuine emotion at it’s core it’s just the killing off of a female character for shock value. I feel like they got the pitch just right (most thanks to the music).

As much as I enjoy Thor and Rocket’s bantering, the side-quest for Stormbreaker feels like an unnecessary and over-the-top distraction in an already stuffed-full film. Easily the weakest part of the plot.

The fact that Quill fucks everything up with defeating Thanos on Titan because he can’t keep himself under control for two seconds certainly does not endear him to me in the slightest. Like ok, you’re upset, but if you can’t stop yourself from getting violent that’s on you, that makes you a dangerous person with serious issues, that’s not normal and it’s not ok. Also, literally half of all life in the universe was at stake. So there’s that.

Listen, I’m very susceptible to heroism (and that’s why superhero movies work for me), so every time someone comes to someone else’s rescue, I have feelings. 

I had convinced myself that somehow, Thanos wouldn’t succeed with his whole plan in this movie, that he would get all the stones but that he would like, go to a special place or something before enacting his plan, so that the good guys would have a chance to regroup and race to stop him before it was too late, all that jazz. So (even though Thanos had already snapped at that point), when Bucky Barnes disintegrated before our very eyes, I was SHOCKED. That got me like a smack in the face.

Considering I’ve never really been a fan of Tom Holland’s Spider-man, it’s a credit to his work that Peter’s death scene is so effective. That’s acting.

So, what makes this movie work despite being so heavy with bombastic action? The short answer is: it’s because the good guys lose. I’ve made no secret of being a fan of the ‘hour darkest before the dawn’ in storytelling, so this is playing to the sweet spot for me there, but it’s not as simple as just making everything miserable and hopeless. In this case, specifically, the lead-up to that ultimate failure is key; it’s gotta still feel like a superhero extravaganza, even as it takes an increasingly dark turn. The action works because it’s part of what we signed up for (the best camouflage for subversions of the traditional model), and it works because it’s all carrying the story forward - the Infinity War is comprised of multiple battles, and because of the way the pieces of the narrative are separated, the characters don’t know how any of the other battles are turning out; everyone is just trying to fight what’s in front of them and defend the stone in their midst, they don’t have the option to sit around doom-and-glooming and restrategising as news of each defeat comes in. Rather than dragging us wholesale from Point A to B to C in ever-escalating stakes and complications, the writers have had the good sense to spread things out and let things fall apart for our heroes (and the universe) in multiple smaller pieces until they reach a cumulative critical mass. Consequently, instead of feeling as though we’re sitting there watching things go from bad to worse, the audience forms this false sense of security in the action; it’s a superhero movie, after all. We expect them to work it all out in the end, to build toward a moment of apparent hopelessness (a darkest hour before the dawn), and then to rally triumphantly for the big win. As such, we perceive small victories (i.e. the defeat of Thanos’ various ‘children’, the creation of Stormbreaker, the way things draw out in the battle on Titan) as if they are more significant, as if they are signs leading us to that big win; without those small, expected victories, the ultimate failure would not hit as hard, because after two and a half hours of watching the good guys get wrecked without a chance, what surprise would there be in the snap?

Of course, plenty of viewers knew about the snap already or expected an ultimate failure of some sort based on the fact that we pretty much all knew that this was the first half of our grand Avengers finale (my mother, who is not a superhero movie fan, did not know what she was getting into and was...very shocked), so it’s important that the film still works to engage us on a character level so that the good guys losing in the end can hit like a ton of bricks even if you knew it was coming (and even though you no doubt expected to get the big win eventually, once Endgame came out). After all the fighting and the bantering, all the usual stuff we expect to see our heroes go through in the course of an average adventure, having them then watch their beloved friends/allies/whatever literally disintegrate before their eyes in a quiet, drawn out scene of devastation is a magnificent piece of cinema, communicating the shock not only of the event itself, but of the complete disruption to the superhero status quo. It’s not just that good guys don’t lose like this, it’s that they don’t lose with a whimper instead of a a bang. It’s not only that the cost of failure has never been this high; it’s also that they have never been forced to watch it play out with such inevitability; they have never before been rendered so powerless. If the entire film had the tone of the last ten minutes, it wouldn’t work so well, it’d just be a drudge and the audience would be desensitised by the end. By the same token, if the rest of the film had not planted the seeds of the finale so thoroughly in all its smaller losses and smokescreen victories, the ending would not be so horrifically fitting.

Neither, of course, would the ending be so affecting, if we were not as attached to the characters as we are. We have many, many films worth of history with most of them, or at least one solid encounter in which to become attached, and even in a movie chock-full of more characters than any other before, everyone gets a chance to show their personality and remind us why we care if they live or die. I’m not going to argue for this being an incredible character piece (nor is it pretending to be one), but it plays its very large hand very well, putting emphasis where it needs to be without overloading or unbalancing the story. As I noted above, I was particularly impressed with the way Thanos was handled, considering our exposure to him previously was very minimal and it was left up the this film to build his ethos as well as his relationships with his ‘children’ almost from scratch, creating complexity and simplicity without falling into the trap of trying to make the villain sympathetic; Thanos isn’t necessarily relatable (nor does he need to be), but he is understandable in that we’ve all probably encountered at least one person who holds the same limited worldview and is somehow convinced that they could ‘fix’ everything, given the power. Thanos isn’t actually aiming for universal domination in the traditional sense, and it makes him more disturbing and more realistic as a villain, because his evil is not nebulous or purely self-serving; he is a true believer, and his delusions have an all-too-familiar ring about them, so as we watch him lumber and pontificate around the story, we get a clearly-drawn image of someone possessed of such basic and humble flaws that he is - again, without being treated as sympathetic - quite significantly humanised, despite all of the non-human elements that make up both his character, and his situation. Even as it planet-hops and draws upon cosmic magic, the narrative is grounded by a centrepiece of plain, ungodly fallibility. 

Now, I recognise that in all of this praise for the way this film was executed, there isn't really anything to be said for it regarding the purpose of this blog; on the female representation front, it's not really doing anything (the fact that it juuust manages to pass the Bechdel and juuust over a quarter of its cast is female does not win it brownie points; its better than not having either of those things, but that's not a genuine achievement). The two female characters who were more prominently positioned in this movie are Gamora and Wanda; Gamora largely in context of her relationship with Thanos, and Wanda as Vision’s significant other and the means of his destruction. Notably, both women’s arcs are accessories to the arcs of male characters, which is not what we’re aiming for in good representation, though it does not exclude the possibility of quality content; Gamora’s role may have a lot to do with Thanos (not least, after he kills her), but it is still distinctly her own story, rich with emotion and coming to a surprising and depressing end which I felt struck the right chords to be compelling rather than an enraging disposal of one of the few female characters around (more on this after Endgame). Wanda’s presence leaves less of an impression, in terms of screen time, plot complication, and audience engagement, but all things considered I don’t think that was a terrible choice; Wanda and Vision’s relationship had been a somewhat sparse subplot in previous films and the chemistry was not strong, so I don’t think it would have been to the film’s benefit to try and expand on that relationship further than they did. As it was, there was enough there to sell the emotion, and nothing extraneous, and as much as I enjoy this movie, I wish I could say better things for its female representation than that. It is stuffed-full, and definitely not perfect, and space could have been made to pump up some of the other female characters’ roles more (the Earthbound characters get the least attention in the movie, and since basically all my faves are there it is a testament to how well this movie works for me that I enjoy it so much anyway, but a little more attention there would not have gone astray, especially since that’s where most of the female cast is). That said...I still really enjoy it, man. As far as popcorn action goes, this is top shelf.

[lady-indiana]

Practice Challenge {pt. 2}

Read PART 1

Part 2

An hour after I had heard the news, I was driving through the streets of downtown Lauderdale.

My hands were clutched tightly to the wheel as I turned into the library on the west side of town. This library, once surrounded by overgrown grass and falling apart at the edges, was now the nicest building on this side of town. 

It had a parking lot, even though most of the people and children who used it didn’t own cars. It was made of bricks, some discolored from the repairs done in the past year. 

On the pathway leading up, there were cute little signs with frogs and bunnies that said sayings like “reading is FUN!” and “Reading takes you on adventures!”

I parked the car, taking the keys out of the ignition and walked up the path to the door. In the entrance of the library, there was a little foyer with more posters and signs with positive sayings and quotes. 

To the left, there was a pinboard displaying different activities and demonstrations they were holding. I walked down the hallway, heading into the main room, and looked around. I spun slowly, gazing up at the Illéa approved books that lined the shelves.

In the corner of the room, there was a line of new computers.

I thought back to my childhood when this little building was a refuge for all of the other homeless kids I ran around with. We were all in the lower castes, and this library was open to the public, specifically the lower castes. Now, there were almost triple the books they had back then. There also used to be only one old computer.

And when I finally took control of it over some kid was playing an online game that took forever, it was where I edited my first short film at the age of thirteen. The short film that changed my life.

I was spooked by a voice, “Oh! Indie!”

Meredith, the 70-year-old something woman who had been running the library as a volunteer for as long as I knew came out from her office. She was a sweet woman, who cared a lot about education and creativity and making the world a better place. I really liked Meredith.

“Hi Meredith,” I said, smiling in her direction.

“I can’t believe it! I really can’t believe it, Indie! You’re one of the Selected!”

I giggled, watching her get all excited.

“I know, I really can’t believe it either.”

I looked down, sudden feeling… embarrassed, overwhelmed, unworthy?

“Oh, sweetie, you will be great. The prince is going to love you! I just know it!”

I chuckled softly at her optimism. 

“Just to think,” Meredith continued. “Almost ten years ago you were hanging out here, trying to run complex editing software on that old dinosaur of a computer, and now you are about to head off to the palace!”

I looked around at the place, smiling contently. “It is amazing, isn’t it?”

“You deserve it, sweetie.”

“Thanks,” I responded, though I wasn’t sure if I believed her. “I just wanted to come by, and ask if you and the library will be alright while I’m on gone. If there’s anything you need before I go, let me know, and I’ll make sure it gets done. I’m not sure how much communication I’ll have access to while I’m there.”

“Oh, honey, you’ve already done enough. Look at this place! Look at everything you’ve already done to make it better!” she said, gesturing around at the room.

“I just want to make sure,” I said, smiling kindly.

“Well, the only thing I can think of is that we’ll have to postpone the camera seminar that you were supposed to teach. That’s no problem though! I’d teach it myself, but you know I don’t know how to work technology to save my life.”

“Maybe I can see if I can get one of my friends from Angeles to fly in and teach it. I know a lot of the kids were looking forward to it.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I’m sure you are going to be busy in the next few days.”

“It’s the least I can do.”

“Really, sweetie, I want you to focus on yourself. This is a big opportunity. If anyone could be our future princess, I’d want it to be you.”

I sighed, grabbing Meredith’s hands in thanks.

“Well, then,” I said. “If you do need anything… repairs, books, lunch for the kids... put in on my tab.”

Meredith smiled, pulling me in for a hug that I reciprocated. “We will be fine. Have a great time, kiddo.”

I smiled, stepping back and looking around the room again. Finally, I waved goodbye and headed back out to my car, so I could go home and get ready for my life to change. Again.

---

I arrived to the airport early. It was a habit, really. Engrained in me from day one on my film internship when I was younger: Being early is being on time. And being on time shows that you care.

The plane was much like one I had flown in several times. Private planes were always rented out by the studios when we had to travel cross country for a shoot, so it was nothing new.

The leather seats, however, were surprisingly soft, and I placed my carry on bag in one of the overhead bins.

I knew there were supposed to be three other girls joining me for the flight. They were all from different provinces and were also selected. I had done minimal research on each of the girls, not because I didn’t want to know, but because I didn’t want to psych myself out. 

When I researched something, I researched it intensely. I wrote notes all over, I made webs, I scribbled one-liners-- another habit I had developed from filmmaking. So, instead, I opted for just looking at their names and faces and provinces. Though, there were too many to remember for now.

My leg shook as I waited for the others to arrive. Suddenly, I was regretting my no-research strategy. I was going in blind, and I had no idea if I would even get along with any of these girls. What if they thought I was pretentious because I am two? What if they hate my movies?

Not a real concern, but I had seen some nasty haters before.

Just then, a girl walked onto the plane. Her golden hair made her shine in the sunlight, and she smiled brightly.

“Hi! I’m Evalin!” she said, walking further onto the plane.

I smiled back, happy that so far, Evalin seemed very kind. “Hi Evalin! I’m Indie.”

She sat down in the chair across the aisle from me, and turned so she was facing me. 

“It’s nice to meet you!” she said. “You’re from Clermont, right?”

Clearly, Evalin was more researched than I was. I only had to remember three other girls and their provinces for this plane ride and was already drawing a blank. I suddenly felt dumb.

“Yes! I am... and you're from... remind me again?” I responded, smiling sheepishly.

Evalin, cool as ever while smoothing out her skirt said, “Carolina. You’re a movie director, right?”

So, she knew me knew me.

I tried to give a kind smile, hoping to come off as humble but I worried about failing. “I am. What is your profession?”

“I’m still in college, but I’m studying biology.”

College. I thought that was pretty cool. It had always seemed like an interesting path, but by the time I graduated high school, I was already in the film industry and no one thought I needed to pursue a degree. I guess they were right because a year later, I was nominated for an Illéan Oscar Award.

“Oh wow,” I said. “That's really cool. I could never do science.”

It was true, science was a nightmare in school. That, and math. 

“Thanks! It’s second nature for me, really. I grew up around it,” she said, smiling sheepishly. “I think it’s really cool what you do, though! I’ve never had that kind of artistic vision!”

Evalin, though going into a field much different than mine, was clearly just as passionate as I was. She was sweet, and I was really liking her so far. I hoped that she liked me too.

“Aw, thank you. It's the only thing I could ever do, and I'm glad. I truly love it. The profession saved me in a way.”

Another truth. Without film, I would be nothing. 

“That’s amazing!! That kind of passion is very admirable!”

I grinned, feeling great and confident now that I had one good interaction under the belt. Besides, this type of conversation I was used to. The film industry was all about networking after all. And passion pays off. It’s easy to talk about one’s passions and Evalin and I were both clearly passionate.

Suddenly, I glanced over at the digital clock on the wall of the plane. The schedule had said the plane would be leaving in a few minutes. We were still missing two girls.

“We are still waiting on two more right?” I asked. “The plane is supposed to leave soon.”

Evalin looked over her shoulder out of her window. “Looks like one is coming now!”

Just as she said that, a girl came rushing into the plane. She was distracted, glancing back over her shoulder ever few moments with a stare of curiosity. 

“Sorry, sorry, my parents kept saying goodbye,” she explained, but then, she turned, smiling. “Idalia Moretti. What about you guys?”

She walked over to an empty seat and plopped down. I couldn’t help but stare at her amused. She was a chaotic force but still seemed like she was excited and nervous. She reminded me of the interns on a film set.

Evalin responded first. “Evalin Berg. It’s nice to meet you!”

I responded right after. “Hi! I'm Indie!”

Just then, the last girl entered. Her name, I actually remembered. Shala Lie. She had headphones in and stared at the ground, ignoring all of us. She sat far away, and stared at the window. We all watched for a second, before turning back to one another.

“Are you guys excited?” I asked, grinning.

“Very! A little nervous too, though. What about you?” Evalin said.

Idalia then added, “It should be an interesting day. Tomorrow is when I’ll be nervous. Or... I guess whenever we meet the prince.”

I nodded, agreeing with both of them.

“I'm definitely a little bit of both excited and nervous. But, you're right. Tomorrow is when things get really real.”

“True. Today is just makeovers and getting settled in, right?” Evalin commented, wincing slightly as if she was embarrassed she didn’t know. “Sorry, this whole thing has been a bit of a whirlwind. It’s kind of hard to keep track of all the details.”

She didn’t need to feel bad. The only reason I knew is because I had studied the schedule like a call sheet.

“Yeah, I think so,” I supplied. “I'm sure there will be people telling us what to do, and where to go. I wouldn't worry too much.”

In a way, I realized that this Selection wouldn’t be all that different from a film set. There would almost always be a plan, a place for us to go, expectations to be met, and a hierarchy to listen to.

“It’s kind of weird, being thrown into the spotlight like this!” Evalin pointed out. “Do any of you know any of the other girls? I’ve only gotten tidbits of information that my sister has dug up.”

I did know one of the girls. Emily Rose White. She had acted in a couple of my movies. She was really sweet, and I wondered when I would see her when we got to Angeles.

“Yeah, I just know the details because I have a friend obsessed with this stuff. She sent me a PowerPoint of ‘the most important things to know’ on everything and everyone,” Idalia said.

“I know one of the girls, Emily. She's acted in a few of my movies. And I know some of the other actors just from the industry talk and stuff,” I admitted. “A Powerpoint? That's iconic.”

It was. I found it highly amusing, and I couldn’t help but smirk at the idea.

“Oh wow!” Evalin responded, laughing nervously. “Dare I ask what it said about us?”

“Oh, Evalin... never read the reviews,” I joked, chuckling softly.

Though, I’m not sure Evalin understood I was joking because her face flushed, and she laughed nervously as she said, “Ah sorry! I’m used to my work being peer-reviewed.”

Idalia laughed slightly at the interaction before stepping in and looking at me. “She is iconic like that. She liked your last by the way. It was in her PowerPoint.”

“Oh, really? That's sweet!” I responded. Though, it was probably hypocritical considering the joke I just told.

It was just nice to know that people didn’t hate my movies.

“I’m pretty sure your slide just said, ‘bio smart but I have no idea what any of her work says,’” Idalia continued, looking at Evalin.

Evalin blushed even more. “Ah, I haven’t really done anything of note. I held a research position under my genetics professor last semester, but it was mostly just me using a microscope.”

That sounded so cool, I thought. So important. Evalin must be really smart.

“That sounds way more intelligent than anything I've done so... kudos to you,” I applauded her.

She was so shy about her work. I wanted her to know she should be proud of it.

“What movies have you directed?” she asked, suddenly turning the conversation around to me.

I blanked for a moment, feeling like a fool, who forgot her own movies.

My brain came back, and I was left listing off a few of my works. “Uh... a few. Some of them you might know are Lady Bird and Little Women. I've also done The Greatest Showman. But, I also direct episodes of TV series sometimes.”

Evalin’s face lit up. “Oh, I loved Little Women! That and Pride and Prejudice are the two movies my sister insists we watch whenever we have a family movie night!”

My heart warmed. To think, my movie, was being played next to the Pride and Prejudice.

I grinned, responding, “Pride and Prejudice is amazing. I'm glad my movie sits along beside it at your family movie nights.”

Idalia returned to the conversation with, “Funny. My house is usually filled with suggestions of Megamind on family night.”

I also gasped out loud, laughing, but I contained it with an amused smiling, responding sarcastically. “Hey, I mean, Megamind... important stuff.”

Evalin asked, “Do you have a lot of siblings, too?”

I replied easily, “No, actually. I don't have any siblings. You?”

I looked to both Evalin and Idalia.

With an amused smile, Idalia said, “I only have a younger brother but Megamind is usually not his idea.” 

I laughed, responding the again sarcastically, “Like I said, Megamind... important stuff.”

“I probably tease him more than he teases me,” Idalia said.

I chuckled again along with Evalin, who said, “I have 3 brothers and a sister. Megamind is a classic.”

Megamind… Megamind was something for sure. I hadn’t seen it in forever, and it was probably on once. 

Instead, I thought more about her four siblings. I couldn’t imagine having even one sibling, let alone four.

“A big family! That must be nice,” I said.

“It is, for the most part, but we can get a little antsy,” Evalin explained. “There’s plenty of teasing and pranks to go around! Having time to yourself must be nice, though!”

I smiled again. 

“Can be. But, at least I get to live vicariously through my characters,” I added whimsically. “Oh, hey, Idalia, we never asked what your profession was. You seem like a prankster, it has to be something interesting.”

She grinned, leaning back in her seat. “Interesting assumption. I fence sabre. Or saber if you want.”

Fencing? Also very cool.

Evalin must’ve also thought it was cool because her eyes lit up and she and Idalia went back and forth for a little. 

“Oh wow, that’s awesome! I thought your name sounded kind of familiar! You fenced in the Olympics, right? My youngest brother had the games on 24/7 when they were being broadcasted!” Evalin said.

At the mention of the Olympics, Idalia brightened. “I did. I’m going again next year. Or at least that’s the plan.”

“Ah, congratulations!” Evalin exclaimed, but then bit her lip nervously. “Are you nervous about the possibility of this selection taking over a year? I know the officials said it shouldn’t, since it should display the Prince’s decisiveness, but I have to wonder how into the Selection he’s going to be, what with his engagement to Evie Waldia being cut off so recently.”

Idalia takes a moment to take that in a looks up at the ceiling, “Time will tell. But I doubt they will say I can’t go. Illéa, like everyone else, sends people that can win. If I‘m still one of the candidates when the time comes, it would be foolish of them to deny my participation.”

So, she was confident then. I didn’t mind that. In fact, I sort of admired it. But, too much confidence can get you into bad places, from what I had seen in the film industry at least. I silently hoped she would be careful.

“That’s true,” Evalin said with a sigh. “It must be so cool, being able to compete for your country like that!”

Finally, I chipped into the conversation. “That really is cool, Idalia. I'm sure you'll get to go. It's probably even better press for Illéa if they send a Selected.”

Evalin nodded, agreeing with me. “That’s a good point! You’d get to be serving the nation in two ways at once!”

Idalia chucked. “I guess that could be said. So we got a film director, bio major, fencer and…,” she trailed off, looking over at Shala. “An unknown.”

Shala was still looking out the window.

I leaned in closer to Evalin and Idalia while looking over at Shala with a slide glance. “Should...should we try to talk to her...or?”

“Shala?” Evalin tried to call out to her. When Shala didn’t respond, Evalin frowned and turned back around. “Maybe she’s just very nervous.”

“Yeah, probably...”

More time passed, and we continued to talking to each other for the whole trip.

I shrugged. “Well, anyway, you girls seem really nice. It's definitely made me feel a lot better about this whole process.”

I truly was happy that this entire conversation had gone well so far. I had no idea if the girls would be at each other’s throats, but these two, Evalin and Idalia, seemed really sweet.

“Likewise,” Evalin responded, smiling. “It’s good to know that we’re not in this alone.”

I nodded and Idalia said, “I’m sure Prince Arin must be having a similar feeling.”

I nodded again, and then grinned, leaning forward.

“Speaking of Prince Arin... thoughts?”

Evalin blushed, “Well, he is quite handsome, don’t you think?”

I smiled, sitting back in my seat. 

“He is quite handsome,” I agreed. “I'm excited to get to know him. Or, at least I hope I get a chance to know him.”

Evalin nodded, “Me too. I’d love to be able to talk to him and get to know him. I’m sure he has lots of interesting stories to tell.”

“Yeah probably. It's just crazy that we are going to be living in the palace of all places,” I said excitedly. “Hanging out with the Prince of all people. Feels like a fever dream.”

Honestly, I felt like I was living in a fairytale. But, then again, I had felt like that for a long time.

“Truly! I never imagined that this is where life would actually take me!” Evalin said, looking out the window. “It looks like we’re about to land!”

I nodded, looking out my own window. We were just barely starting to descend. The city of Angeles glimmered below, a city I was familiar with. A city I lived in most of the time. I had missed it, and it definitely would be weird to not head back to my house, but instead, to the palace.

“Yep. We should keep in touch down there. I think it'll be nice to have some friendly faces around,” I added, trying to come off as genuine.

Because I was, I just wanted to make sure they knew I was.

“Certainly!” both Evalin and Idalia agreed.

We continued to talk as the plane descended, speaking mostly about room arrangements. I was sad to find out that Idalia and Evalin were in the same hall, and I was in another, but I tried to stay positive. That would just mean a better chance of getting to know more people.

“I’ve heard there’s a woman’s room. And also the etiquette lessons,” Idalia said, as we talked about how we would see each other around.

“True! I’m kind of excited for the etiquette lessons. It’ll be nice to learn something different,” Evalin explained.

“Oh it’ll be something for sure,” Idalia responded, clearly amused. “How to be photographed, how to curtsy! Maybe which spoon is for the salad as well.”

I laughed a little, but warned, “Trust me, that’s not the hard stuff. It’s the learning to talk to the press that’s hard.”

That, I definitely knew. After all, I had been given etiquette lessons before-- right after my short film had taken off and I got sponsored to go to a school for threes. And then, my film career had taken off, and I had to learn how to do interviews and walk red carpets and how to be a proper two.

It was exhausting, but I was thankful for it.

“I wonder if they’ll make us learn how to walk with books balanced on our heads,” Evalin added.

I laughed, picturing it in my head. Evalin and Idalia were pretty funny.

“That would be funny to see,” I said.

Not long after that, the plane landed. We were escorted off, and into a limousine. We didn’t talk much during the ride, each of excited and nervous about what lay ahead of us.

As for me, I was happy to be back in Angeles and ready to try my chance at change and love.

[mentions: @evalinkatrineberg​ , @idaliamoretti​ , @emily-rose-white​ ]

[t4t4t]

Pete Catches: “I too feel this way. I live in an age which has passed. I live like fifty years ago, a hundred years ago. I like it that way. I want to live as humbly, as close to the earth as I can. Close to the plants, the weeds, the flowers that I use for medicine. The Great Spirit has seen to it that man can survive in this way, can live as he is meant to live. So I and my wife are dwelling in a little cabin—no electricity, no tap water, no plumbing, no road. This is what we want. This simple log cabin knows peace. That’s how we want to be for the rest of our lives. I want to exist apart from the modern world, get out, way out, in the sticks, and live much closer to nature, even, than I am doing now. I don’t even want to be called a medicine man, just a healing man, because this is what I am made for. I don’t ask for anything. A white doctor has a fee, a priest has a fee. I have no fee. A man goes away from me healed.

"That is my reward. Sometimes I do not have the power—it makes me sad. When I have the power, then I am happy. Some men think of money, how to get it. That never comes into my mind.

"We live off nature, my wife and I; we hardly need anything. We will somehow live. The Great Spirit made the flowers, the streams, the pines, the cedars—takes care of them. He lets a breeze go through there, makes them breathe it, waters them, makes them grow. Even the one that is down in the crags, in the rocks. He tends to that, too. He takes care of me, waters me, feeds me, makes me live with the plants and animals as one of them.

"This is how I wish to remain, an Indian, all the days of my life. This does not mean that I want to shut myself off. Somehow many people find their way to my cabin. I like this. I want to be in communication, reach out to people everywhere, impart a little of our Indian way, the spirit’s way, to them.

“At the same time, I want to withdraw further and further away from everything, to live like the ancient ones. On the highway you sometimes see a full-blood Indian thumbing a ride. I never do that. When I walk the road, I expect to walk the whole way. That is deep down in me, a kind of pride. Someday I’ll still move my cabin still farther into the hills, maybe do without a cabin altogether, become part of the woods. There the spirit still has something for us to discover—a herb, a sprig, a flower—a very small flower, maybe, and you can spend a long time in its contemplation, thinking about it. Not a rose—yellow, white, artificial, big. I hear they are breeding black roses. That’s not natural. These things are against nature. They make us weak. I abhor them.

“So as I get older, I burrow more and more into the hills. The Great Spirit made them for us, for me. I want to blend with them, shrink into them, and finally disappear in them. As my brother Lame Deer has said, all of nature is in us, all of us is in nature."

Lame Deer Seeker of Visions [1972]