#I am humbly asking the community to make my vision come to life

[too-lit-for-fanfic]

third life winner Grian, sun-kissed and sand-caked, lightly battered, slightly bloody, having just won the series, guilt-ridden with scar's blood still dripping from his knuckles, teetering on the edge of the mountain, choking out apologies to the sky.

secret life winner Scar, regaining his memories from pervious seasons, walking through third life like a hazy mirage, a cape embroidered with lilacs and roses hanging from his shoulders.

He finally sees Grian in the desert light for the first time in years, the fondness and heartbreak hitting him all at once. He frowns as Grian cries and sobs, muttering apologies and regrets to the empty space around him.

Scar is unable to reach for him as he takes that final step off the ledge.

[me-n-brag-studyblr]

"We are the artwork"

When I was on the Setouchi Triennale 2022 trip with Yuhan and Xiaoman and Eve on August, I asked Yuhan: "You've been here in the Spring already. Now you're back for the summer season of the festival, is there anything different? Does any artwork move you this time?". He said: "I already told you, I'm not here for the artwork, not this time. This is the first time Xiaoman and I go on travel in a group of 4, with you and Eve. I'm here to experience that. That is something I look forward to and care about in this trip. Don't you see Holly? We are the artwork."

Such simple and earnest words evoke something in me. "We are the artwork" - the people, us, the experience of us being together at this time, at this place. It is something to be marveled at, a kind of installation art that cannot be replicated with someone else, at some other place, some other time. An impermanent beauty.

"We are the artwork". Each of us. Yuhan with his sustainable, community-based vision and brave entrepreneurship. Xiaoman with her artistic sensibility and creative endeavors. Eve has her cordiality, inquisitiveness and spiritedness. And me. I am an artwork. Why not? I am kind. I am understanding, especially when it comes to culture and customs. I am not quick to judge. When I love something, I would ready to ache for it. I care for people's heart and mind. I am meticulous. I care about what we leave behind, what the next would inherit from my actions. I care about the bonds and community and families. I care about friends. I have deep respect for craftmanship. I like to romanticize the ordinary people and the humble lives, but at the same time I am also realistic and sensible enough to understand the system, how money can be used and what the imbalance of power can bring. I want to dream big, want to venture far. I want to make impact. Am I not an art? Yes I am.

I want to make people see they themselves their own way of living a life is a piece of artwork too. If there's one thing I takeaway from APU, that is "diversity", which is to say "there are many ways to live a life and each beautiful life has so much to teach one another".

[dyketubbo]

when you get a chance, thoughts on seer of space tubbo?

(i am also open to maid of space tubbo, and many others, but i am currently seer leaning)

*wakes up* oh boy time to classpect! under the readmore because seers are interesting enough that i ended up going on a tangent

of course no argument about the aspect because hes 100% a space player, ive discussed heir before i believe, so seer analysis it is, because i havent thought about it before (seers slip my mind sometimes, i love them, my brain is just the equivalent of a ground with a bunch of banana peels and cant handle having more than 4 coherent thoughts at a time).

like said with knights, he doesnt exactly try to tell anyone what he wants to come off as, sure he wants to be intimidating enough that people leave him alone, but, well. he does fit the intimidating thing, its less a facade and more a warning, he doesnt want to hurt anyone, but he will should he deem it necessary (thankfully, tubbos kind enough that he deems it unecessary in most cases). hes a bit too likely to follow through, and its bred from feeling unsafe, rather than feeling insecure. c!tubbo knows he can do things, the cc is more likely to downplay what he does than the character is (not that c!tubbo doesnt, but he does still believe in his abilities, he just doesnt think hes important enough to emphasize his impact. difference between going "oh no it was all __" and going "oh no it wasnt just me" when theres something hes done most of the work on)

so, he almost fits knight, at least in abilities, after all knights are capable and they know theyre capable, and hes very good at the exploitation aspect, pushing limitations and using them for their benefits. i could see him as maybe a knight thats actually gotten past the insecurity and facades already, if we're to consider his spy history as him being pre-actualization. being a space player doesnt really change how solid knight arcs are, so the combination of knight and space doesnt make knight much more fitting for tubbo

similarly, he does fit a few aspects of being a seer (having similar struggles, talking a shitton sometimes, sitting back and observing the world around him when he finds it beneficial to do so, generally very smart especially within their group), but not so much others (seers are often overbearingly smug in a way tubbos a bit too humble for, learning through education rather than experience, having a habit of getting too focused on their goal, and theyre overall passive, being too active is actually how they get themselves into shit, while tubbo gets hurt when hes too passive). seers of space focus more on the present than the future or past, which almost fits tubbo.. if it werent for the fact that he doesnt focus on the future or past out of repression cknsks. not that he would much anyways, but the intentional focus on the present is out of stubborness and trauma rather an actual trait of staying in the present. notably, theres quite a few times where tubbo does think about the past and future, especially when he was younger, and he does try to work towards his ideal future, he just doesnt talk about it much.

funnily enough, because of where seer falls through, he ends up being closer to the mage struggle of, well, getting their asses kicked when theyre too passive because things work out best when theyre involving themselves. mages also have that posturing thing as well, though its connected to intelligence (desperately trying to come off as smarter because they believe theyre still too dumb and naïve, even though theyre actually doing fine), so again, not exactly tubbos kind of posturing. plus, hes pissy, but not pissy enough for a mage, as theyre more likely to get caught up in how fed up they are with everything, while tubbo gets caught up in how much he still cares no matter how much he seems like he doesnt. the space aspect adds that theres.. a shitton of shit happening to and around him, which does fit, at least, and mages of space usually suffer because of their passions, knowledge, and experience, as well as they're rather hands on. again, fits, but, well.

seers and mages are a bit too focused on knowledge for the kind of person tubbo is. hes smart for sure, has a lot of knowledge, and even when hes not a spy he does want to know things and looks for that knowledge, but while he fits the goals and positives of seers (and mages), he doesnt exactly fit their flaws or what happens when theyre unhealthy. not that he needs to show signs of being unhealthy, but even healthy players still show an ability to be the unhealthy versions of their classes. he doesnt get his ass kicked for being too active and tunnel visioned like seers do (and it can sometimes come from ego trips, which tubbos very unlikely to have, even if he fits the "my solution is the most correct here, so we have to follow it" part of it all) like seers, he doesnt have any moments of just refusing to learn and complaining about how everything sucks rather than doing anything about it (nor is he likely too) like mages. he does vaguely fit where the unhealthiness of a knight can come in, propping up a shield to a ridiculous extent and lashing out when their insecurites are picked at, but that feels a bit too reckless to be tubbo (though it does fit tommy).

overall, i can kind of see seer for a slightly different version of tubbo, but it feels too passive for tubbo, if that makes sense. he is passive at least, in terms of classes anyways (note- despite how some classpectors define it, passive doesnt really mean you serve others, its not an insult, it just means you weave your aspect through others, rather than yourself. its the difference between a prince destroying x/destroying through x and a bard allowing destruction of x/inviting destruction through x. still listen to passive classes, thats what seers fall into after all, and seers are very important). its just that tubbo usually gets hurt by being too passive rather than getting hurt by being too active (not that it couldnt happen, which is why i say it could still fit under other circumstances).

speaking of passive v active, if i had to pick a passive class i feel fits tubbo the most, probably heir. active wise, id say maid does actually fit rather well. i feel like ive talked about maid tubbo before but i might be remembering a different analysis so just in case ill generally say i feel he fits the arc of going from a "doormat" to taking their life for themselves. theyre stubborn, stressed out from listening to others, like banter, occassionally silly and can start arguing in circles due to the stubborness (think that one patrick id scene, but smarter). maids are also heavy repressers, they fear being seen as weak, and are unwilling to ask for help. they rely on their environment and hate it.

and, painfully enough, some classpectors state that when pushed into being unhealthy, maids explode. maids are already intimidating on their own, being powerful and smart enough to know what to do with that power, and when they get stressed out enough, they, well, explode. they hurt everyone in one big event (think aradias actions in make her pay). its not necessarily a reckless lashing out at everyone like knights, but a giant burnout that happens to effect everyone. tubbos not at a point where it seems likely for this to happen, but i wouldnt be too surprised if something like it did happen were things to get too be too much. he is the mf with nukes after all. healthy maids are independent, with maids of space specifically, well, making space for themselves and others (sound like a certain snow commune anyone), attempting to start new lives. an independent maid, allowed to be their own person without anyone stepping on them, is a healthy maid. unfortunate for tubbo that his life fucking sucks too hard for him to really get to this point KEKW

heirs fit a similar "followed others then became more independent" arc, mostly unaware that theyre being lead around but, if whats happening aligns with their own ideals, dont really care much that theyre being a follower when they are aware of such. heirs have an instinct to stick to comfort, rather than an instinct to be independent like maids. heirs still need to find their independence and autonomy, but need to do so because they can change things, theyre also very powerful when they play correctly. however, going against what they may feel is best and is more comfortable for them can be actively painful, early heirs often would rather be comfortable and happy even if things arent going well than take the difficult route, know that theyll suffer, and temporarily risk comfort and happiness in an attempt to reach an end they dont know will be there for sure. they can deal with suffering, but choosing to stay constantly aware of this suffering hurts and they struggle with dealing with the fact that they need to be aware to stop the suffering.

heirs change by picking up on subtle details naturally, subconsciously effecting those around them, making either themself or others interact with their aspect differently (or actively not think with their own aspect, in a positive way). heirs, when self aware, want to help. thats an important detail, and its why heirs are often protagonists, they dont have the ambition to do things that only benefit themselves when they realize theyre in a position of power. at their core, heirs usually want to make things better, but learning to move on and better themselves can hurt, and it takes a lot for heirs to to let it be apart of the process.

unhealthy heirs fade. they get so stressed out by getting hurt that they shrink back into themselves, they stick with what makes them comfortable and refuse to acknowledge that they and others are hurting, wrapped up in their more selfish instincts and becoming hard and stressful to deal with. "i want everything to be okay" becomes "i dont want to deal with the idea that nothings okay right now", soon getting to "im okay and you cant tell me otherwise, fuck you if you want to take this away from me, you cant stop me but i will stop you". of course, that last one can be useful if a heir were to use it to change things for the better, but the tunnel vision on "i want to be comfortable even if im making others uncomfortable" is, well. shitty. unhealthy heirs wont actively try to hurt anyone unless pushed, but they can they can still manage to through a lack of acknowledging that they have to help. and well, that sounds somewhat like tubbo, the hurting through a lack of helping, at the very least its present in things like him not visiting tommy during exile (partially because it was safer to just not challenge dream, partially out of guilt and belief that tommy hated him)

heirs of space specifically are about flitting from project to project, learning about what interests them, impatient when others dont share their excitement, and learning when to adapt and move on from things. generally, if i had to put a scale on it, id say tubbos most likely to be a heir, then a maid, then a seer. it all depends on what aspects of him you wanna focus on, really. seer tubbo is really interesting though! i think seers are more smug than he is though, not that he doesnt have his moments, but his tendency to believe hes right isnt all too prominent compared to other traits of his, and its less from a smug "i know whats right" and more just a firm "this isnt right, i have a better idea". he wants to do whats right, but if he feels like he doesnt know whats right, hes willing to rely on others, it just.. takes him a bit of pushing to admit such

[captainbeverlycrusher]

An Open Letter to the Star Trek Community

To the Star Trek Community,

I write this from a place of deep respect, gratitude and compassion, and with hope that what I have to say will be received in good faith and be heard.

I am an immigrant woman of colour who found Star Trek at a time when I was at my lowest and stuck in what seemed like perpetual darkness, and it was this wonderful franchise and its powerful message which uplifted me and brought me back into the light so that today I can truly say that I am at my strongest. As such, Star Trek’s positive influence in my life has been no small thing. Star Trek has taught me to be the captain of my life, to reach for the stars, to stand up for what is right no matter the cost, and, above all, to be brave and bold.

And so, in the spirit of boldly going, I humbly call on ALL white members of the Star Trek Community — creators, platform curators, prominent fans and figures, including and especially Star Trek cast members, past and present — who believe in the underlying mission and vision of Star Trek to formally denounce all forms of racism and bigotry and those who uphold such abhorrent beliefs; I call on you to condemn the actions of those who have harmed Black and Indigenous people, and all People of Colour (BIPOC); and I call on you to strive to do more and do better for the sake of BIPOC in both the Star Trek community and in your own lives who have been subjected to racism. Finally, I encourage you to urge your supporters in this community to do the same, particularly those who are now finally waking up to the injustices perpetrated against BIPOC.

I am, of course, aware that the official Star Trek entity released a statement in this vein recently. I know many of you have expressed one way or another your support for the Black Lives Matter movement. I see you. It’s a good start. But it is not enough. I need each of you who hold so much influence within this community to do this, to say once and for all that you will not condone racism and anti-Blackness from your supporters, fans and followers any longer. It is important for this to happen.

I know you support the vision of the great Gene Roddenberry and the powerful philosophy of Star Trek and what it stands for. I know you believe in these words as much as I do:

“Star Trek was an attempt to say that humanity will reach maturity and wisdom on the day that it begins not just to tolerate, but take a special delight in differences in ideas and differences in life forms.”

But many white supporters within the Trek community truly do not share these sentiments, and they have proven this time and again, especially as they have belittled and driven fans of colour like me away instead of putting the mission of Star Trek into practice and welcoming us with open arms. Both on-and-offline, there are those who have insulted and degraded BIPOC involved in the Trek community— and not just fans but creatives, actors, and notable figures of colour alike. We have been treated as inferior and dismissed.

I have seen and witnessed it with my own eyes. I have endured this myself and I cannot explain to you how hurtful it has been for many of us. I am a fan who has experienced so much harm from many white people I have come across in Trek spaces, at conventions and events, even among those I had considered friends, and for it to come from within a franchise that promotes love, hope and acceptance, it has been devastating. What I once looked to as a safe haven no longer is.

I can only speak for myself and from my own experiences. And based on my experience, my call to action here is completely necessary. Because something I never say aloud, something I constantly have to process and reprocess in therapy is that 6 years ago when I was 24, the night before I first met my Trek heroes, I cried bitter tears because I felt that they would not accept me because I wasn’t white, that I was unlovable by even the most amazing people because I was not white like them. 24 years old. A grown adult. And I felt that way. So many white Trek supporters contributed to making me feel that way every time they overtly and subtly implied that their whiteness made them superior. I have remained silent about this and numerous other incidents for many years, but living in silence has only served to intensify the painful experiences I’ve had, and so I share this to stress the urgency with which this community-wide issue needs to be addressed. We cannot allow damage like this to continue towards BIPOC in this community.

Racism destroys the soul. Racism is why I hurt myself for so long and why so many white supporters have harmed fans of colour like me, despite their claims that they believe in all that Star Trek stands for. Racism hurts us all. This is just a small part of my story. Imagine how many more there are like it or even worse. As white people, you will never experience racism and you may not see the abominable treatment BIPOC in the Trek community encounter, but it is happening.

With the Black Lives Matter protests gaining momentum worldwide, it couldn’t be more clear that now is not the time to find the middle ground on issues like this, because there is none when it comes to racism. Either you are against it or not. And I promise you, the Trek community does not need the support of people who go out of their way to justify any and all racist acts, because as we can clearly see, even the smallest racial microaggressions and biases can ultimately lead to murder. The desire to keep the peace in the fandom and franchise is not more important than Black lives. Especially because the truth is, as far as I have observed, there has never been actual peace.

We are presently witnessing a global reckoning in which many are finally starting to acknowledge the existing ways racism and white supremacy are upheld. As a community that claims to value all beings and embrace all differences, it only makes sense for Star Trek and all its community members to lead the way to a better future in the entertainment and creative industries and beyond, and to start doing so by looking within ourselves and our own backyard. We MUST clean up this community so that all People of Colour can truly feel safe and welcomed and be embraced and celebrated in every Trek space.

As I issue my call to action, I urge you to consider doing the following:

First, in particular for prominent white cast and creatives, please let the Trek community know where you stand. If you have not already done so, please let people know that you will not tolerate any further bigotry and racist behaviour from anyone. Please let your Black fans and all fans of colour know that you are with us. And please don’t mince words.

Amplify the voices of BIPOC within this community. So many of us are constantly silenced and drowned out and it is time for us to be heard. Our presence only enhances the Trek community. Uplift and embrace us. We matter.

If you manage any online Trek-related spaces and platforms, it is your responsibility to moderate and remove speech that is racist against BIPOC. It is imperative for you to enforce stricter commenting policies and do all that you can to protect BIPOC from further harm. And for those participating in these spaces, it is equally your duty to call out and report any such speech you encounter.

Educate your fellow white Trekkies who don’t yet understand why this is important. BIPOC have expended a lot of labor attempting to do so already but we have been dismissed, ignored, and cast aside. The onus is now on you to ease us of this burden and do the work given your positions of influence.

Hold yourselves and other white people in your Trek networks accountable to BIPOC community members. Make this part of your norm so that it becomes second nature to you, especially so these issues don’t ever fade into the background as they have often done in the past. This is an opportunity to improve and get it right.

Continue supporting the Black Lives Matter movement even after it stops trending. Visit https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/ to find helpful resources, make donations, sign petitions, and to get more involved in this work beyond the Trek community. This work is ongoing. It is lifelong.

Committing to doing every one of these would be small yet meaningful steps in the ongoing struggle for racial justice and it would make a significant difference. So with great respect and love, I implore you to use your power and privilege to do this for BIPOC, for yourselves, for all of us.

Stand up with and speak up for all BIPOC fans, friends and colleagues, far and wide. Be loud about it.

Be as loud and unrelenting as LeVar Burton. He has always been at the helm of this struggle, has always been upfront about it, and I love and admire him for it. Follow his lead.

Naturally, fear courses through me as I write all this, but I think of Gates McFadden, a great hero of mine, who once rocked the boat and spoke up against the sexism and racism she witnessed while working on TNG and was actually fired for it. If she can do that, then I think I can do this regardless of the risk. Because I know what I’m asking for and ultimately fighting for is right. Because what we can no longer deny is that lives are at stake. Black lives. And they matter.

Now it is up to you to do your part. Boldly go, in hope and with love.

And may you Live Long and Prosper.

— Originally published on Women at Warp

[anightflower]

Come and Find Me Chapter 6: 24 Hours

Hello my darlings, here is chapter 6 FINALLY. Thank you for letting me work on my mental health, I can’t express how much every interaction I’ve had with you has helped, whether it be a like, comment, or reblog, you guys have brought me SO MUCH JOY. 

Masterlist 

Spencer Reid x Reader 

Warnings: Violence, swearing, mentions of rape

Spencer clenched his fists to keep his hands from shaking. “What do you mean never see her again? Don’t you dare fucking touch her-”

“Tsk, tsk Doctor, there is a lady present. Though she can’t hear us at the moment.” The voice murmured condescendingly. “But I am a fair man Doctor, I will let you speak to her, eventually.” 

“Let me speak to her now.” Spencer growled. 

“So demanding Doctor, but I suppose I’ll oblige you, if only because she looks so broken right now.” The voice cooed. 

There was silence on the phone for a moment, the beeping of buttons and then, your voice. 

“What do you want now you sick bastard?” You sounded tired, defeated. Spencer felt his heart break. 

“(Y/N), can you hear me?” Spencer asked urgently. On the live feed, you head shot up and looked around. 

“Spencer?” Your voice broke and tears blurred your vision. “Am I dreaming?”

“No, no! I’m coming to find you baby. I promise, this sick bastard is not going to win-” Spencer said encouragingly.

Hope filled your eyes, but quickly disappeared behind nerves. You had to tell him the last place you were. He had to find you and you didn’t know how much time you had left. 

“Spence, I made it to Florida, call the hotel I was at. They might have security footage-” Your voice was cut off. 

“Now, that’s no fair. She can’t help you.” The voice said angrily. 

“No, put her back on the line you sick f-” Spencer yelled into the phone desperately. He could see that you were still talking on the video feed. Tears slid down his face as he watched you mouth “I love you.” You didn’t even know that he couldn’t hear you anymore. 

“24 hours doctor.” The voice said and hung up. The live feed went black.

“It’s a burner phone. I could triangulate it to two cell towers, but that could put it anywhere in Miami.”  Penelope explained.

The room was silent as they waited for Spencer’s reaction. His shoulders were tense, he still eyed the screen, his back completely turned to the team. 

“Spencer?” JJ asked, gently coming up to him. 

“JJ, I’m going to give you the number to (Y/N) hotel. I need you to get any security footage you can from them. Penelope will use face scan and analyze it.” Spencer ordered, his body still tense and unmoving. 

“I’ll contact them and the local police down there, have them start looking for (Y/N)  and set up a place for us at their precinct.” JJ reassured. 

“I’m going to call Hotch and Rossi, I’ll tell them to meet us at the jet.” Emily said. “Maybe they got something out of Curtis that can help us out.” 

Spencer nodded, unable to form words around the tightness in his throat. 

“We’ll get her back Reid, and then we want a proper introduction.” Morgan teased, trying to ease Spencer. 

As they all began to move to grab their go-bags, Spencer’s phone rang again.

Spencer took a deep breath, as he glanced at his phone. It was Ava’s contact. 

He quickly answered it. “Ava?” 

“Spencer,” Her voice sounded terrified. “I need you to come to this address, I think (Y/N)’s in danger.”

________________________________________________________________

You jumped as the door to your “room” slammed open. 

“You stupid bitch!” The voice wasn’t as deep now without it’s automated assistance, but his voice was still muffled behind a mask. It was a cheap plastic Halloween mask, the one you get so you can decorate it however you want. It’s blank white stare covered his whole face. 

He stalked his way toward you angrily, causing you to push yourself further back onto the bed. There was no place for you to go. 

“You just couldn’t keep your mouth shut huh? You are so moon eyed over your Doctor that you fucking cheat. You whore!” He grabbed your ankles and pulled on your chains, dragging you down the bed, causing you to scream. His grip was hard enough to leave bruises. 

“Do you know what happens to whores?” He growled. “They get what they deserve.” 

He tried to push your legs open, but you clawed at his arms, hard enough to break your nails and draw blood. As he tried to draw his arms back, you scratched at his face, ripping the mask off and catching one of his eyes.

He let out a pained scream and backhanded you across the face. You yelped as it sent you flying back against the bed.

You quickly pushed yourself up, readying yourself if he tried to advance on you again. He was hunched over, grabbing at his face, blood leaked from where your nails had dug in. 

“It wasn’t supposed to go this way.” He said enraged. 

Your body froze at that voice. A voice that you knew all too well. A voice that didn’t speak much, but when it did, there was always a smile on his face. 

“No.” You whispered softly.

________________________________________________________________

Andrew Curtis, 29 years old, 6’4. Auburn hair, brown eyes, and a friendly smile that had made women trust him when he had come into their home. 

The man in front of him was smug, too smug for someone who is going to be behind bars for the rest of their life. Hotch wished he could tackle him to the floor and wipe the gleeful look off of his face. 

5 innocent women, almost 6. Women with families and lives just wiped from the world because of the sick bastard in front of him. 

“Oh Agent Hotchner, Agent Rossi, what brings you to my humble abode? I’ve recently redecorated, I hope you like it.” Andrew Curtis laughed. 

Hotch and Rossi didn’t deign to respond, hiding their disdain behind a stern blank mask. 

“Ouch, so cold as always, here I was hoping something interesting happened for you to come visit me.” Curtis said with a pout. 

“Rumor has it you’ve been receiving letters from an outside anonymous fan, care to enlighten us more about him?” Rossi said, voice cold. 

“Not even a greeting, a little catch up? How is the rest of the team, Prentiss, JJ,- oh and my dear favorite doctor Reid.” Curtis purred.

“I did always find your connection to Reid fascinating, you only let him talk with you and a little bird told us you keep newspaper clippings about him and much of his thesis and research work.” Rossi pushed, ignoring Curtis’s taunts.

“Oh my guards are such gossips, but I suppose there's not much else to keep them entertained around here.”

Hotch let out a growl. “Let’s skip the games Curtis. You know you have nothing over us, you’re locked here for the rest of your miserable existence and then some. We will not be your source of entertainment. Who have you been communicating with?”

“You know, I never thought you guys would catch me, and it truly took a toll on me when you did. But I had a small victory knowing that you had gotten some of my profile wrong.” Curtis smiled and it made ice fill Hotch’s veins.

“Oh and how is our profile wrong? You’re still in a cell aren’t you? Everything we said turned out to be correct.” Rossi said confidently.

“You might have profiled me correctly dear Rossi, but I am afraid you missed a small crucial detail.” Curtis hummed proudly. 

“And what would that detail be.” Hotch urged. 

“The kind that costs ya Hotchner. Maybe a nicer cell, with a little less security.”

Hotch and Rossi exchanged a look. Could it be worth it? 

Hotch dipped his chin in agreement. Yes, if only for Reid.

“We will see what we can do.” Rossi said slowly.

A smug look crossed Curtis’s face as he leaned back in his chair, satisfied. He looked like the cat that got the cream and the male Agents across from him hated it. “Allow me to let you divine profilers know, that you were wrong and that you might have caught me, but you did not catch my prodigy.” His victorious laugh bounced off the walls, grating the tense room.

“Your prodigy?” Hotch probed, his voice dangerously low, a sign that he would explode if he wasn’t careful.  Rossi gave him a side glance, an attempt to remind Hotch to keep a steady head. 

“Oh yes, it’s a thrill really, knowing that he is still out there, maybe he already has a new victim! But guessing by the fact that you are here, he already took someone, didn't he? Did he leave a calling card?” 

Rossi and Hotchner remained silent and stern faced. 

Curtis cackled, ”He left my calling card didn’t he? Your faces say it all! Oh boy, he really is my best student.”

“Who is he Andrew? We need a name-”

“He finally did it, he got the girl didn’t he?”

“Got who?” Hotch asked. “Curtis is a narcissist, play to that and he will give everything up in no time.” Rossi reminded him before they went into the room.

“Your dear Doctor’s girl! He left hints, but I wasn’t sure that the kid had it in him to be honest, he always seemed too soft.” 

“You sure talk a mean game for someone who doesn’t know what’s going on.”  Hotch growled, knowing this would rouse up Curtis. 

“Oh come now Hotch, don’t play coy with me.” Curtis growled, “He’s got (Y/N), pretty (Y/C/H) haired thing, who if my little brother didn’t care so much for, would have been one of my own victims.”

“This prodigy is your little brother?” Rossi asked, not allowing Curtis to find out if he was right or not. 

“No, not blood related, just someone I took under my wing.” 

The door to the interrogation room opened and a guard popped his head in. “Agent Hotchner, you have an urgent call from an Agent Prentiss?”

“Of course, excuse me.” Hotch said, getting up and making his way out of the room.

He came back less than a minute later. “Agent Rossi, they’ve found a lead.” 

Now it was Rossi’s turn to smirk. “Looks like we won’t be needing you after all Curtis, but do enjoy your current view.” 

Curtis growled and yanked at his chains. 

Rossi rolled his eyes as he got up to leave.

Right as Rossi was about to leave the room, Curtis’s voice piped up, “Nothing brings me more joy than knowing I tricked you, that you profilers failed to figure out that I didn’t work alone. Your devout profiling method was wrong and now my prodigy lives on, achieving his dreams, and ruining you and your doctor in the process.”

Rossi slammed the door shut to block out Curtis’s manic laughter. 

________________________________________________

I was thinking of doing a permanent taglist for all of my fics, if you’d like to become a part of it please let me know!

TAGLIST 

@andiebeaword @haylaansmi @parkastoria @possessedjoker @amronsparty @generaltheoristexpert @sierraraeck @coniumalces @tamedbyafox @anotherr-fine-mess @adoregin @rainsong01 @canyonnmoonn  @mggshoe @boxofsparklingmuses @richardpapensmuse @deanlenaz​ @rainsong01 @goldentournesol @annesauriol @itsametaphorbriansblog @secretpickleprofessordean @shameleswhorehourstm @stepsofthefbi​ @iifloweringnightsii @mggsprettygirl​ @bravegirl221​ @messyhairday-me​ @n1ghtsh4d3-67​ @abbeypaw7​ @findmedontlooseme @hiiwouldlikesomesleepplease @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @ajeff855 @astronomynous

[god-of-dust]

since i already posted Rising Sun, i thought that it would be interesting to show part of my writing process for it. this is part of the first, unedited draft that i wrote without any finesse and then rewrote completely. notice the “send help” bit XD

He waits until Aang's finished with his mantras before speaking. “Can I have your opinion on something?”

“I'm listening,” Aang says, voice deep and resonant.

“The anniversary of the genocide will be in a few months,” he begins, unsure on how to approach the subject.

Slowly, Aang exhales, rolls his shoulders and neck and opens his eyes to look at Zuko. “Yes.”

“I'd like to make it an official day of remembrance.” He passes a hand through his hair, gathering his thoughts.

“That's... incredibly thoughtful, Zuko. Thank you.”

Zuko scratches at a bit of sealing wax that's stuck to his desk. “The power I have means nothing if I don't use it to right the wrongs that my family has done. To be honest, there's a lot that needs to be mended, especially when it comes to your people, and even for this anniversary I have no idea what to do. What's the appropriate way to do this?”

“In truth, I have no idea either.” Aang briefly clutches his beads. “Now that the war is over, I have more space to think about what happened and how I want to honor my people so that their teachings aren't forgotten, but it's—well, a lot.”

“I was thinking about theatre—a play that tells the real story, what truly happened that day, instead of that bullshit militaristic propaganda we've been fed during the war.” Zuko offers cautiously.

“That could work. Can I think about it some more?”

“Of course you can. But, um, on the topic of propaganda... there's also something else I've been meaning to ask you.”

“There's always something else,” Aang says, and even though his tone is neutral Zuko still flinches. There's unconcealed tiredness in those words, one that Zuko is well-acquainted with; long nights spent wondering if the demands of his title will pile up and pile up until they swallow him whole, followed by long days where he brushes away the bruises under his eyes and puts on his best diplomatic face to attend to those very same demands.

“I'm working with my advisors to completely rewrite the school curriculum. They've been a great help, but for all their genuine interest they've been indoctrinated about Air Nomads as much as anyone else in this nation. I want kids to be taught about your culture, and for that I need you.” Before Aang can reply, Zuko speaks again. “I know that I'm asking too much. I know that this would be yet another responsibility you got saddled with... but you're also the best person possible for this.”

Aang's smile is a wry, bitter thing that makes Zuko's chest ache like a hollowed out tree. “Not the best. The only one.”

“You're not the only one. I could recruit some of the Air Acolytes if you think it's a good idea.”

“No, that wouldn't be enough,” Aang says, shaking his head minutely. “They're passionate scholars, and their presence soothes the part of me that was afraid that any hope for community had been lost. Still... they can never get it completely. There are things that can't be taught, only lived.”

There's nothing that Zuko can reply to that. No words will ever be enough to restore what has been destroyed and taken away from Aang; as much as that wound appears to be scarred and healed, Zuko can see that there's a well of grief that Aang doesn't let anyone get close to.

Some gaps can never be closed, but others can.

He rises from his desk and crosses the distance between them, kneeling before Aang. They're at the same height now, and Zuko gently presses his forehead against Aang's; after a small moment of hesitation, he places a hand against Aang's cheek. This tentative touch is all he has to offer.

“I wish I didn't have to ask this of you,” Zuko murmurs, eyes closing in surrender, thumb stroking soft skin.

They breathe together like this, slipping into a state of shared equilibrium. It doesn't erase the pain, but it makes it bearable. A thing that they both can carry together.

“I'm the last airbender. I won't disrespect my people by running away. Besides, I'm the Avatar, and my voice carries authority that I'm meant to use exactly for reasons such as these.”

Zuko sighs. Outside of the window, where the sky is beginning to darken, a handful of stars begin to emerge from its expanse. “I want more than anything to see you at peace, and yet I find myself burdening you with heavy choices, over and over.”

“Your choices aren't easy either, Zuko.”

“No, they aren't. But then, I'm honor-bound to rule this nation to the best of my abilities, regardless of my wishful thinking about how easier it should be.”

Aang squeezes one of his shoulders, reassuring him with a simple touch.

I know how it feels. You're not alone.

And Aang does understand, better than anyone else. The feeling of suffocation that comes with the high stakes involved in any misstep, the anxiety that has taken permanent residence under Zuko's ribs ever since his coronation. He never speaks about it, not out loud, and he's glad that he doesn't need to.

Aang puts a hand on the back of Zuko's neck, lightly kneading the lingering tension away.

Why is it that Aang makes it easy to accept a touch so loving and tender? He'd struggled to accept his uncle's hugs and comforting pats, feeling unworthy of his freely given affection.

Aang doesn't owe him anything. And yet here Zuko is, unmoving, his own palm still cupping Aang's tranquil face, fingers tracing absent patterns on it. Thoughts slip away, awash by the simplicity of this moment.

"Be here, Zuko. There's a lot we must do, a lot that's been appointed onto us, but now we have this."

"Thank you," Zuko whispers, and he means it.

The pressure of Aang's hand on Zuko grounds him. They breath as one, and for a moment they are one, a single essence.

“The first time I entered the Avatar state I experienced visions of the world that can't be expressed with words,” Aang says. “I saw the oneness of all things. I saw impermanence, the mutable nature of everything. Going back to being myself, with a body, after that... It took a bit of adjusting. Okay, a lot of adjusting.”

“How did you do it?” How can a person contain all that? is what Zuko wishes to ask, though he doesn't quite dare.

“I don't know. It's an apparent contradiction that I have yet to come to terms with. I have a duty as Avatar Aang that I'm meant to uphold, while having witnessed that, ultimately, I have no separate identity at all.” An exhale, long and deep. “Sometimes it feels meaningless. Why bother, why struggle, when we are all one and the same? But it's what we're here to do, what I am here to do.”

“You're the most selfless person I know.” It tumbles out of Zuko's mouth, unfiltered. Aang is... all that.

At Aang's age, Zuko had only cared about firebending forms and maybe his crush on Mai. He'd still hoped for his father's approval. Then there's Aang, a hero, a survivor, who's seen more than any person would be able to bear; the most profound loss, the glory of victory, and the ultimate detachment from it all.

It's impossible that this larger-than-life being can be so unassuming. That he has love for Zuko, so much that his scarred heart can drown in it.

Never has he felt so cherished, with no strings attached, no familial bonds, no hidden treachery glistening behind constructed gestures.

His chest isn't hollow anymore. It feels full, the fuller it's been in a long time, overflowing him. The naked affection he holds for Aang is humbling, devastating.

Aang has the supreme quality of making Zuko feel like he belongs. They belong together, as strange and different as they might be, as conflicted Zuko might feel about it. It doesn't matter.

When Aang talks about oneness, this is what Zuko can compare it to. Their mingled breaths, Aang's hand on his skin. That time at the Sun Warriors temple, along with now. They have everything. They are everything, and when they're together, Zuko can believe that they can achieve anything, overcome any struggle.

There's no obstacle big enough to stop their combined strength.

Is this what unconditional love is? The complete, utter perfection Zuko feels?

Nothing can mar this. Not when Aang is with him.

“I want to be there for you. I want to do everything in my power to provide reparation, to acknowledge the harm that's been done to your people, to offer my effort to make it right again... but I don't know how. I need you, Aang.” He stares into his eyes, gold meeting gray. “I need you to teach me. To tell me if I'm doing it wrong.”

“Okay,” Aang says, simply. “I'll be your advisor in this.”

“I'm so sorry that I'm asking this of you. I'm sorry that this is yet another burden piled up on top of your other responsibilities.”

Aang sighs. It's not a sad sigh, nor a frustrated sigh. Just... a deep exhale. “Someone has to do it. Might as well be me.”

“I wish you didn't have to.”

“Wishing is pointless. We might as well act on what we have.”

Zuko shakes his head. “I still can't accept the things that I suffered through. I haven't forgiven my family for what they've done. My father is rotting in prison, and he deserves it. For what he's done to me, to you, to this nation. The fact that you can be so calm about it... how? How can you be so calm?”

“Forgiving is not forgetting. What has been done has been done, and it's still impressed in my memory and will always be. But punishment serves no one.”

“So he should just... not pay for what he's done? Where's the justice in that?”

“Justice is meaningless. Justice is the illusion of balance, based on false ideas of truth.”

“Aang I don't fucking get it. He's a genocidal maniac. Send help.”

“The pain he's caused can't be mended through punishment. It cannot be solved in any way. We can only acknowledge that pain and make sure that it doesn't happen again. And... I'm glad that you're thinking about this. It warms my heart that you feel this way.”

[re-diesirae]

12. Claire

She had never felt so happy to wake up with the sunlight hitting at her face the way it did that morning. They didn't dare to leave the storage house until the first rays of light hadn't come out from the horizon. In part, because they had wanted a little more rest and in part because they didn't want to risk the chance of meeting another of those horrible creatures.

With the light, they could finally see what was inside the storage room, and after checking the contents of the boxes, they had come across some supplies that included more weapons, ammo, a first aid kit, and flashlights. The weaponry was quite old, and Claire knew they probably weren't as fancy as the ones Leon usually used, but it was better than nothing. They also found some cans of food and water that weren't yet due in the boxes. It wasn't a fancy meal, but the canned fruits provided the needed carbohydrates that their bodies required for energy. Claire had instantly felt a little more energetic after the small and humble meal, and she had to admit that compared to other times, she appreciated the locals for storing the food in that place. She would have thanked them if they hadn't turned into parasite controlled zombies, of course.

With their new gear, stock, and a full stomach, the duo had started their walk to the mysterious manor. So far, the way had been calm: only interrupted by a couple of the unfriendly locals that they defeated without problems.

Claire noticed that the closer they got to the manor, the quieter the forest became. Somehow that made her uncomfortable. The lack of sound was antinatural, and maybe it was her paranoia, but she felt observed, and she was half expecting another sudden monster to jump over them. She could tell Leon's thoughts weren't too far from her own as the man moved stealthily and alert at all times.

Nobody would think that, some years ago, this same man was a scared rookie cop trying to survive a city filled with zombies.

The thought of how much he had grown and become better drew a smile on Claire's face.

Just what are you feeling so proud about when this is all a mess?

She often felt proud of others, even if it wasn't something she was supposed to do. She was proud of her brother. Like hell, how wouldn't she? The man had saved many lives in the last few years. She was also proud of Moira; the girl had gotten over her fear of guns and trained under her father's eye. She was also proud of Natalia. She had a normal life now, making it through all the horrors of her past. Claire was very proud of Sherry. She had heard from Chris that the girl had become an agent like Leon, and even though Claire would have wished for the girl to live a quiet life, she respected her decision. Of course, she was proud of Leon's successful career as an agent.

"There it is." Leon's voice broke into her thoughts, and Claire stopped dryly, staring at the manor ahead, "It certainly gives me bad vibes..."

An unpleasant flashback ran through her head as she remembered the Ashford's Residence, but as she watched the house more carefully, she realized that the place was different. This house looked older, and the gray walls, covered by ivy and moss. More than a manor, it looked more like a castle. A quick scan around convinced them that there was no one around the area.

"Guess our friends from Neo-Umbrella didn't wait for us..." Leon whispered.

"Well, knowing their sense of hospitality, they probably left some of their pets behind to receive us, though."

"Most likely. That sounds like something terrorists would do," Leon sighed, "We'll have to take a look and find out. I think the thing jamming the sign of my phone is in there. If we can deactivate it, I can contact Hunnigan, and maybe, we can figure out something about what they were doing in here."

"All right, let's take a look. What could go wrong, right?"

A lot of things. The annoying little voice in her head muttered.

The duo made their way to the house with extreme caution. The place seemed deserted. The only evidence of people ever being in there was the mess inside: furniture was turned over or broken, papers scattered all over the floor along with other decor accessories. Claire found bloodstains in some of the walls, and she shuddered. Maybe their "friends" hadn't left after all, but something had gotten them before they arrived.

"Now, this looks ominous. Why are there so many papers in here?"

"They seem like medical records, but the papers are too dirty to read them," she said, picking some of the scattered sheets. The pages looked blurred with humidity, and some had red stains that covered half of the text.

"Knowing these guys, there's probably an electronic record somewhere. We need to find a computer." Leon replied, looking around the rooms with his gun raised, "There are signs of struggle. I guess they didn't leave on good terms…"

That if they had made it out alive.

"There's too much blood. Do you think one of their pets went through havoc?"

"Most likely, maybe it was the one that attacked us last night."

Claire picked a folder that was over a table. The yellowish surface had dried stains of blood, but she ignored it and flipped through its contents. Her face tensed as her eyes traveled over the printed letters.

"They were making a new virus, " she said with anger, "These people don't ever learn that you shouldn't mess up with nature."

"Any idea of what sort of virus that is?"

"No...this seems more like genetic blueprints," Claire replied, "RNA virus sequences and possible recombinations with other viral agents. I'm taking these. it might be useful later. I can look into it when we get back to TerraSave.."

"Didn't know you had a liking for this sort of mad scientist stuff. Didn't picture you like a science girl..."

"You know, I did finish college before I joined TerraSave," Claire laughed.

"So I heard, but I never asked what you majored in, now that I think about it."

"Oh, so you didn't check my background?" Claire replied, surprised.

"I don't do that with friends. It's easier to ask, so what did you major in?"

"Biology and life sciences. Did a specialization in virology after joining TerraSave," she replied, checking another pile of folders, "I never thought I'd get so much into viruses. You would be amazed by how many outbreaks TerraSave attends, and for worse or better, not all of them involve zombies. Going into virology sounded reasonable, logical, and useful. "

Claire's crescent interest in viruses had to lead to her choosing a virology specialization. She had thought that it would come in handy while working in TerraSave. The organization was founded as a countermeasure to terrorist attacks. However, as time went by, TerraSave began attending other cases, including viral outbreaks in affected zones and as they worked with WHO. As an active agent at the time, Claire had participated in many operatives. That made her interested in the subject. After thirteen years of working in the organization, Claire was a pretty respectable professional. She wasn't as prodigy as Saya or Rebecca, but her observations and criticisms were valuable, and she had permission to work on her own projects.

"Never pictured you like a bookworm, but it seems I was mistaken."

"Another con on my side, I guess. Relationship wise..."

"I doubt it. Nothing wrong with a smart woman. I find it much more appealing. So, does your scientific vision give you a lead to what we have here?"

"Unfortunately, nothing clear. There's a lot of things you can do with genomes and some genetic engineering. I am not a biosynthetic engineer, but this looks like design proposals? We have someone in HQ who could see through it or maybe in B.S.A.A. I want to look at the digital records; if we are lucky, there might be something left in there. What about your signal jam?"

"I think I might have found the cause. Up there in the tower, there seems to be an antenna of some 's a good lead..."

"Guess we found our next stop. Let's go. I've got the feeling that I don't want to be around when the night falls."

"Always trust a female's sixth sense."

Claire followed Leon through the house. The absence of hostiles was welcome, but at the same time made her wonder what could have happened to them. They found more papers on their way, but nothing that could give them a clue of what had taken place in that place. After a while, they finally arrived at the tower.

The room seemed to be the security command center as there were several screens and computers. Leon got himself busy as he started to work on the antenna right away. Without much else to do, Claire decided to take a look at the server and see if she could get her hands on any interesting data while Leon tried to fix his communication line.

Well, let's see what you kept in here.

Claire began typing. She wasn't a techie like Wallace, so her skills as a hacker were terrible, but to her surprise, the security around the server was much laxer than she would have imagined. Or maybe she was too used to her overestimated security system in TerraSave.

Sadly, the computers had no access to the research datalog. However, it gave Claire information about the facility, and just as expected, there was a large underground structure underneath the mansion; the security system provided a clean 3D blueprint of the facility, showing research rooms, animal essays rooms, and laboratories. Everything pinpointed on the screen.

What the hell were they researching here?

Claire checked the security protocols, which seemed typical procedures designed for facilities handling potentially pandemic agents. She was familiar to them as a few years before she had adapted to those same protocols to propose an effective plan of contention in case of bioterrorist attacks. There was nothing that could be useful to find out what she wanted, but she did find something that caught her attention.

Damn, if only Wallace were here. He could probably hack into the central system and get me that information.

"I think I got it." Leon's voice made her look away from the screen, "I have the signal back. I'll try to contact Hunningan."

"That's great news…!"

"What about you? Did you find anything?"

"No, and yes. I managed to hack into the security system, but the servers aren't linked, so I have no access to research data from here. I did get a nice blueprint of the facility, though. Just look at this, the main research area is right underneath us, which is not surprising at all. I also checked the security protocols, and from that, I can say they were doing in vivo essays. I found something alarming and unexpected."

"How come?"

"They have a viral repository here. It is curious because, with the T-virus, C-virus, and all those new strains that Umbrella had been spreading, most bioterrorists had dropped the use of traditional pathogenic weapons."

"By traditional you mean…?"

"Regular viral agents: influenza, Nipah Virus, chickenpox, ebola… Ring a bell? They have a bacteria stock, too. Anthrax, Tuberculosis, MRSA," she said, scrolling down the screen, " Basically Level 3 and 4 pathogens. Just what the hell were they doing here?"

" If you don't know, neither do I. Can you get the information from here?"

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I am a virologist, not a hacker. The information should have a back up in the central server, but I am not skilled enough to break through their encryption to get it. We would need a vicious hacker for that, and the only one I know is somewhere in Hughesville."

"So, in other words, if we want that data, we'll need to go down there."

"Very sharp, Kennedy."

"Well, I guess we should bring some company down there," Leon commented, pulling his mobile to his ear. "Hunnigan… I need a favor."

NOTE: if you guys want to come and chat about the fic, or just about CLEON in general. Feel free to drop by the discord and say hi! JOIN SERVER

[butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker]

There's something I'm trying to put into words,

about the discomfort of straight women who are very into slash and yaoi. It's been bothering me in a quiet way for a while, and then over the weekend it exploded, and I'm trying to pick my way through pain constructively.

There's a couple of things.

~*~

Point zero is that desire is good, actually, and so is fantasy. Keep this in mind, we'll come back to it.

~*~

The first thing is shame. People who are choosing to approach their own desire from the side, not willing to recognise their own bodies or vocalise their desire in their own voice, or think about sex in which their bodies participate. People who are too afraid to work on their own liberation, so take yours.

After all, feminist sexual writing is a whole genre and tradition. The only reason why queer men's liberation feels appealing to these women is that they have nothing at stake in it: it's fantasy, it's safe, it's nothing to do with or about them.

For actual queer men, the process of liberationary sex writing is - of course - mortifying; or there is a stage of mortification and pain one experiences in approaching it. It is not, and never will be, your safe space; that's why you're trying to transform it into one.

~*~

The second thing is privacy. I'd wake up and log on and there would be a full-flown gigglefest about sex in slash, and not being able to quite put my finger on how to say - this is making me feel bad and weird. And in retrospect, this picks up on point 1. Whose bodies are we sexualising in this space. I want to go back and start a conversation about how I prefer girl-on-top and how people who read missionary fic are gross, and hey when you read Barbie/Ken fic, do you see them mostly doing it doggy style?

Because I think that would make-it-real, for these women to feel their own bodies are at stake and being scrutinised in the conversation.

Making my morning coffee, I wonder what kinds of sexual relationships these women have, and if they know that "gay missionary" isn't this abstract concept that appears in fanfiction but a kind of sex they have all the right anatomy to experience for themselves. I suspect they would not like that, and that also the purpose of these conversations is specifically so that nobody envisages them having sex, or being sexual beings.

~*~

The third is experience.

A. thinks that it's a problem that teenagers watch gay porn. (A. wrote her dissertation on gay porn.) A has never had her rights removed on the basis that the world must be made "safe for children".

B thinks there's too much gross stuff in fanfic and it should be banned. B has never experienced fanfic archives removing LGBT material under the aegis of child-protection and removing what is "gross". B has never experienced a reasonable-sounding expansion of anti-kink laws being used in the vaccum where anti-gay laws once stood, the way they disproportionately target queer porn, or are used to harass sex workers, or arrest queer people.

C thinks that anyone who has a gross fantasy, is a hair-trigger away from actually hurting somebody. C is cisgender, and will never be arrested in a bathroom or have her body regarded as inherently a gross sexual fetish. C does not date women, and has never come to learn that a fist may be more easy to take than a kiss, when you are made to feel disgusting for desiring love. C is also asexual - the shame associated with having a sexual expression of any kind is not on her radar. C does not experience gender dysphoria, and had to wrestle with the downright odd things you brain does to manage a libido and an incoherent body all at once. C has never dated someone who survived the peak of AIDS, and has formed intimate connections between blood and sex and death, forged by decades of homophobic media and law. C. cannot tolerate the concept of erotic horror because she has never been made to experience her own body and desires as horrifying.

All these women spend all their free time making stories about imaginary gay and crossdressing men, talking about drag race, and sylvester.

This is not dissonant to them. As we have said, these women see queer man culture as a a place of safety - an escape from patriarchy and their own discomfort. They are unable to comprehend queer expression as a thing that is not safe.

They are very certain that they can tell the difference between a sexual expression that is gross and nongross; and hurting the gross is therefore OK, because punishing perverts will never be co-opted in their soft-focus world of tender coffeshop AUs and gentle longing and having the right kind of gay sex that is photogenic for women to consume.

~*~ A corollary: these things are not for you. What if we defined queer media - one of many possible definitions - as a thing that excludes. Their defining quality is a conversation between queer artist and queer listener, drawn from the conversations the artist had with their friends and lovers, or conversations with the world which anyone within the wall will find familiar.

I am suddenly, humbling-ly and viscerally aware of where the *don’t like white people who like ballroom culture* people are coming from

~*~

The fourth thing is that broader conversation about women with privilege (whiteness, class, straightness), being unable to consider that their behaviour could ever be dangerous or destructive.

Their own narrative of sexual victimhood and shame is central in their own hearts, and they are incapable of adopting an intersectional perspective which adds nuance to their experiences.

~*~

And the fifth is how much they hate you when you try and bring actual queer politics into their fragile world.

Simultaneously asking, on the one hand - could we make this space safe for work again, so it feels a little less like it does now? and being howled at, as if that's an outrageous restriction on their right to talk about pornography.

And on the other, if we are to be a porn conversation place, can we try and rethink the judgemental "anyone who likes weird sex is a threat" attitudes that come up over, and over, and over again.

Needless to say, the needle for "this man is a sexual predator" fired in under 30 seconds and, shortly after demanding I leave the community I established, nobody has spoken to me since.  

~*~

There's a particular soreness, I think, of being around people who want to casually chat about drag and feel like Born This Way is theirs and want to PM you about their dissertation on gay porn studios of the 1970s and stan the Marquis de Sade

but cannot take the reality of being around queer people or their lives.

An ugliness, a grossness, a grossness that compounds the passively "being treated like a sexual object" into an active bar on having sexual subjectivity. A be seen but not heard of the bedroom: be seen, a Bowie-chiselled Velour-glamoured Cowley-sparkling Velvet Goldmine vision;

but not heard, as in, don't ever cross that line into talking about real sex in our fantasies (even when our fantasies are your real sex), and don't ever make us consider that our words have weight.

I'm spending time in a little world with women who like Interview with a Vampire, the Company of Wolves, David Lynch and the Marquis de fucking Sade, and who are so fragile around their own fears of desire that they cannot tolerate someone saying - it's fine to be into stuff, and not be ashamed.

This odd middle space, where on the one hand I am comfortable in spaces which are sexually silent - where the horror and challenge of my body and life never come up; and on the other, I am comfortable in spaces which are radically sexually open, in which no-one need feel afraid or judged.

These women, on the other hand, want something else: this desire to talk about sex billowing out of them, irrepressably, but also to use that freedom to box other sexualities down tight - to judge, to shame, to define themselves coyly by describing others as disgusting, to feel that urge spilling into view only to publically run away from it and demand others do the same.

Erotica, without wanking. Desiring men, without women. Thinking about the sex lives of your toy dolls, but not being into that weird stuff. Fantasies, with no bodies. Male sexuality, with no actual men in it.

~*~

I am the last of three queer people who has left that community; and still, I imagine, the "define our own sexuality in coded ways by judging things we are not as gross, and creating in the gaps around our own bodies and desires a world of gay men who are like I wish to be" conversations are going on; but unobserved by any actual queers who might break the fantasy.

And reader, I liked these people. I'm heartbroken.

[thetallflower]

An Essay on Why "The End of Love" by Florence and the Machine is a Beauaysha Song

Behold, one and all, as talk about "The End of Love" by Florence and the Machine for several paragraphs. This was at the request of all my friends because every Beauyasha manifestation party, I'm asked why I put this song on and look like I'm about to cry, so let's GO--

Some needed context on the song; High As Hope, the album, has many themes ranging from heartache, family, loss, love, and loneliness. "The End of Love" is the accumulation of all of these themes. Florence (the character within the album) learns to love wholly and not just as a replacement to fill the void of emptiness within her life. 

Many times throughout the song, she brings up her family's tragic past as a framework of this revelation -- Florence has reached a place where she will not lose herself or allow all the years of hurt and pain control her, like her grandmother was. By the end of the song, it's implied that she has learned to love romantically and from free will. She will not enter a relationship in order to replace something she's missing from her life. She speaks about the nervousness of actually being in love and allowing herself to fall into it, but not to allow herself be consumed by it / allow it to break her if it does end.

You can listen and interpret the song; as though it was written in Beau's POV, or written in Yasha's. In my humble opinion both work. In both POV's, the family unit referenced in the line "We were a family pulled from the flood" are the M9, as they are bonded through tragedy and loss. However, I can see how you could also pair it with Beau's family or Yasha and her tribe (and Zuala). It is just my interpretation since the song is about pushing past hardships.

Let us start with Yasha first as I think it is the easiest to explain.

"I feel nervous in a way that can't be named I dreamt last night of a sign that read "The end of love" And I remember thinking Even in my dreaming It was a good line for a song"

Pretty self-evident given recent events with Yasha, especially with her dreams. The Stormlord, through these visions, is trying to give her closure from her past and her grief. Most notably, from Zuala. Hence her initial fear and nervousness. Healing is not easy; it hurts.

The first chorus, in my opinion, is explicitly talking about Zuala. About essentially learning to let go, and how she allows herself not to be destroyed thinking about her. Hence "But it didn't hurt at all/And let it wash away, wash away"

The second verse is a little touchy to describe, but we know from what Ashley has spoken about from Talks is how easily Yasha can fall apart. Particularly after nearly killing Beau in the cathedral. Which just makes the line "I've always been in love with you/Could you tell it from the moment that I met you?" just a goDAMN STAB IN THE HEART--

This time, the second chorus pipes up with the echoing of "(wash away)" after every line. Yasha allows herself to feel loved and love, this time without guilt or shame or pain.

Florence is a sucker for religious iconography. She cannot help but describe someone coming into her life and providing light as Joshua, then "ghosts [me] again". In Yasha's POV, I reckon this is the Stormlord. Someone mysterious, who wants to communicate to her or teach her, but leaves her feeling a bit sometimes lost on what to do. I do not think they affect her consciously. Rather, subconsciously as we have seen in canon. Hence leading back to the chorus, and she is no longer lost. No longer scared. No longer drowning in doubt, reaching out of the dark. And she has specified that Beau makes her feel safe, so it would not surprise me if the person she would search for Beau's hand. 

Moring onto Beau. Her POV deals with similar themes and is more linked to the self than external forces like Zuala. (It's also not as in-depth because I am getting tired, I am really sorry.)

Beau's tendency to toss and turn and dream of thunder comes to explain the opening scene. This is recontextualised as strictly her feelings for Yasha -- what they mean, how she feels, how scared she is. The sign is her desperately trying to let these feelings for Yasha go.

The chorus is now Beau trying desperately to bury those feelings as best she can. She more leans into the theme of loneliness, a vacancy in one's heart for the love that Florence describes rather than love moving past pain in Yasha's POV. The family drama neatly ties into Beau's toxic family, her life before meeting the M9, and oof that mighty "I've always been in love with you" Thank you patrion Saint Marisha Ray.

Joshua in Yasha's POV was the Stormlord -- someone she vaguely knows loves her but always leaves her, feeling unsure of where to go or what to do. In Beau's POV, Yasha is Joshua. A figure in her life which leaves her just as she begins to fall.

The song turns from Beau realising that there is no way to shove or hide how she feels, allowing herself to fall and to trust Yasha… only to find that it is not as scary as she first feared. Again, "(wash away)" reminding us that the narrator is letting go in some way. For Yasha, it is pain. For Beau, it is fear. Both POV emphasise that they grow and change because of one another, learning to trust and allow those vices to find happiness (both in themselves and each other).

[dailyaudiobible]

09/24/2021 DAB Transcript

Isaiah 43:14-45:10, Ephesians 3:1-21, Psalm 68:1-18, Proverbs 24:1-2

Today is the 24th day of September, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian, it is great to be here with you today as we continue our journey around the sun and through the Bible and we have worked our way all the way, well, we’re kind of in the last quarter I guess, of the book of Isaiah and we’re also working our way through the letter to the Ephesians. So, let's dive in today Isaiah chapter 43 verse 14 through 45 verse 10.

Commentary:

Okay, so I have mentioned that Ephesians, at least as I read it, it's like an ever upward climb to these higher vistas to see further, to see further horizons, to see more and understand more. And it’s not like Paul’s saying in this letter like, things it he hasn't said in other ways, but he's in prison and he is writing this passionately. This vision of what's really going on here, and if we just meditate on it. If we just take it in slowly. It is so huge. So, Paul is talking about revelations that he has received, mysteries that he is received, that have previously been unrevealed and I quote “this mystery is that in Christ Jesus, the Gentiles are fellow heirs, members of the same body, and people who also share in the promise through the gospel.” Well so, previously the understanding that Paul had as a Pharisee is that the Jews are the exclusive people and that's what they think but this revelation, this mystery that has been revealed to Paul that he is preaching, well that touches all of us because most of us are Gentiles. And so, for Paul to say that the mystery that’s been revealed is that through Christ, Gentiles and Jews are fellow heirs, members of the same body, people who share in the same promise through the gospel. What Paul is saying is that this is available to everybody in the world which is huge and for me, a Gentile a overwhelming flow of gratitude. Paul goes on, as if to answer a question like, why would God do that, why, why would He welcome everybody in the world, and I quote Paul again “He did this so that through the church, the multifaceted wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. This was done according to the eternal purpose that He accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Okay, that's pretty cosmic in its implications. This is saying God, in his goodness and offering you eternal life, opening a way, welcoming you home. This makes His wisdom known and we are like a living witness, a living display to the unseen realms, that is huge to contemplate. That is a massive vista to just understand that we are all part of something way bigger than…than we ever pay attention to. Paul says because of all of that, because of this gift and because of what it's doing, in Jesus, we can freely approach God with confidence, through faith in Him. We could say yes, this is a theological formula I’ve known for a very long time but think about that. We can freely approach God, the most high God, with confidence through faith in Him. Let's try to live into this today. Let's try to contemplate, consider, meditate upon, allow it to sink in. Even Paul seems blown away. Even as he is writing it down and he gives kind of a benediction here at the end of our reading and so, let's just let this benediction wash over us as we bask in the goodness of God.

Prayer:

For this reason, I kneel before the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the entire family in heaven and on earth receives its name. I pray that, according to the riches of His glory, He would strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner self, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. Then, being rooted and grounded in love, I pray that you would be able to comprehend, along with all the saints, how wide and long and high and deep His love is, and that you would be able to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled to all the fullness of God. Now to Him, who is able, according to the power that is at work within us, to do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base. That is the website, and it is how you get connected and find out what's going on around here. So certainly, check it out. If you’re using the app you can access these things by pushing the drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner of the app screen in there or on the web, you’ll find the Community section. In the Community section you’ll find different links to the social media channels that the Daily Audio Bible participates in. You will also find the Prayer Wall which is always on and never off and always available. You can always request prayer on the Prayer Wall. You can also, you know, kind of glance through and see where the Spirit may be leading you to pray and pray for your brothers and sisters who are also going through things and give them a word of encouragement. It means so much to know you’re not carrying it alone; it means so much to know that somebody is praying for you and it's a beautiful thing. It's truly a beautiful thing to know that somebody that you may never actually get to meet in person is praying for you by name because we’re the family of God. So, if you haven't ever visited the Prayer Wall, please be aware it's in the Community section either on the app or at the website, so check it out.

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And as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, that's the little red button up at the top break or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian, I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Prayer and Encouragements:

Hi, Daily Audio Bible, my name is New Eyes and I’m from Chattanooga, Tennessee and I’m calling in for the first time because I was really moved by some prayer requests the other day and I wanted to lift some folks up here in our community. First of all, I would like to thank the Lord for Trent and his encouragement to all of us to be thankful for what we have, I know I definitely need that and I want to lift up Vicki from Southern California and Tammy, who is in remission from ovarian cancer. I really want to lift you ladies up to the Lord, for how much you are just laying at the foot of the cross and trusting God to give you peace in such a hard time. And, I also want to pray for Giovanni whose whole family is sick with the coronavirus. Lord, just bring Your healing, bring Your Holy Spirit and touch Giovanni and his family in this long, frustrating battle with this virus and I just ask that You would bless him. And family, it's my first time calling in and I could really use some prayers this week as I'm sending my 18-year-old son to a youth with a mission discipleship training school in Hawaii and he’s gonna be gone for six months and it's his first time away from home and I'm so excited for him but it's also really hard for this mama. So, if you could lift him up just send him blessings and prayers for an amazing time. I really love this community. You guys are an incredible blessing. Thank you for praying. Keep it up.

Hello Daily Audio family. My name is Sharon I'm calling to ask for prayer for my daughter, Sharon. She's been told she needs open-heart surgery, she's really, we’re really afraid. Each time we speak to a doctor we’re afraid and she starts crying and I start crying. I'm asking that you pray that, pray, send prayers for us that we can get through this situation and come out whole on the other side. I pray with her and I know that God can do all things and I prayed that He will give us the strength, first and foremost, that she doesn't need the surgery and that we will get a second opinion. We just need prayer right now family. Thank you.

Hello my DAB family this is Minnesota Aruka Regina. I haven't talked to you in a while, just want to tell you how much I love you and care about each and every one of you. On September 21st Danielle, I thank you so much for giving us an update on that 19-year-old girl Lord, it just really made me kind of cry and I want to lift her up in prayer. Loving Father, I just am so grateful for You being there for this young 19-year-old gal who was adopted…abducted and violated Father. Thank You for seeing her and for being faithful to find Your precious lost sheep. Lord, I just pray right now that You please speak love into her traumatic soul where she's been hurt and crushed and bruised Lord. I pray that You just reach her heart, let her know that You cried with her in those days that she was gone and it hurts Your spirit. But You were already making a plan for her and You are now helping her. Lord, I pray that You heal her. Let her know that You love her and You care about her and You are a God that can restore Lord. Bring someone into her life that can…can help her to be able to process everything and to break all of the bonds of this troubled man. May she not feel guilty and shameful for what is happening. It's not her fault. Help her to forgive. Help her to learn to love and to be loved again. We give You all the glory and honor in the name of the Father and the Son. Amen.

Hey DAB fam this is Laura in Eugene. I just want to call and lift up Val in Vegas in prayer. Heavenly Father, Lord, I just lift Val up to You, I pray for strength and courage as she recovers from her recent surgery. Lord, I pray for her medical team as decisions for what happens next are coming and I pray that You would help Val to rest in Your peace and Your comfort and Your care, that she could just feel that peace that passes all comprehension Lord. I pray that You would continue to be with her and guide her through this hard time but I’m just so grateful that she’s moving forward and getting the care that she needs Lord. Father, just keep watch over her. Thank You. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Hi my name is Maggie Mae and I’m calling in certain dyer straights. My whole family, I just found out my whole family is sick. My three grandchildren, my son. My grandson has got a fever of 105, they don’t know what is wrong with him. He’s only two years old. My older grandson who’s 17 he’s sick with RSV, they said that they don’t know, I don’t even know what that is. My granddaughter is so sick, the only one that’s not sick is the mother. I am beside myself with my grandson who is so, so sick. He’s so sick he’s burning. I pray the blood of Jesus over Armanie over Arianna over Marc Anthony. He just lost his father. I pray for my son Marc Anthony. They’re not saved. Please, God don’t take my family. Please, God don’t take my family. Please, oh please, don’t take my family. Please. Thank you, I’m sorry for the emotions but I feel so hopeless. I feel so hopeless. Please pray for them. Please take care of Dominic, Arrianna and Marc Anthony. Please, thank you.

[thorne93]

The Softest Fire (Part 9)

Prompt: Rosaline Vaughan had it all: fame, money, power, glory, a high status job. Until, one day, she woke up, and realized something was missing from her life.

Word Count: 1612

Warnings: dealing with animals(??), manipulation, angst

Notes: First Fantastic Beast fic! I could NOT have done this at all without @arrow-guy​​​. They have created a counterpart to this fic, writing it from Nora Vaughan’s perspective (Rosaline’s cousin/adopted sister). Fic aesthetic done by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​​.

I awoke in a dark room, not by lack of light, but by the deep blacks and greens all over the sitting area. I was laid in a chaise lounge, with Gellert across from me in a chair. He was leaned back, watching me, observing me. Other than feeling groggy, I felt perfectly fine, relaxed even. 

“She’s awake,” Queenie’s voice suddenly sounded in the room.

“Tell me about her,” he demanded in a smooth voice, positioning himself closer to me. 

“She possesses great power… and she knows this…”

“How great?” he asked. 

“Seems like she’s got something close to one Albus Dumbledore… You know him?” 

He seemed to stiffen at the name. “Yes, I do. Go on, what else?” 

“She’s got a broken heart,” Queenie explained, sounding a little perplexed.

At this, Gellert raised his eyebrows. “Oh, she does, does she? Who? Why? What happened?”

As Queenie dug, she gasped after a moment. I suppose I should’ve felt exposed, vulnerable, violated… But laying there, I felt as if I’d woken up from the most refreshing slumber I’d ever had. 

“Newt Scamander… He loves my sister… Rosaline told him and he didn’t say anything in return. So she’s heartbroken that he loves someone else.”

“Ah, unrequited love… It truly does hurt, doesn’t it?” he asked as he got up and took a place by my feet on the lounge.

“She feels like a last resort…. Like she’s never good enough,” Queenie added. The truth of her words made my heart sting, even through the euphoria. 

Gellert looked to Queenie, then nodded, as if to dismiss her.

“Darling, I would very much like it if you joined me.”

I smiled up at him. “Absolutely. Anything you need,” I uttered without hesitation or defiance.

“That is exactly what I like to hear. Now, we need you to use some of that Ministry and politician charm. Do you think you can do that for me, sweetheart?” he asked before picking up my hand and kissing it. 

“I’ll do anything you ask.”

Gellert looked to Queenie. “So obedient she is. I love it.”

Queenie nodded once, seeming to agree with Gellert. 

“Come, my dove, we must dress you more appropriately, to reflect that you’re sharing my views now.” 

“Whatever you think is best.” 

“That’s my girl,” he boasted happily before leaning down to steal a kiss. 

--------------------

“How is this?” Vinda asked, Gellert’s seeming right hand woman. She had brought me into one of the bedrooms, letting me try on an outfit of hers. She was full figured, not a twig by any means, and gorgeous. She had this stunning, soft beauty about her that even I envied. 

“I think I like it,” I stated, looking at my reflection in the mirror. She let me have a long black skirt with a thick black shiny belt, topping it off with a coat that served as both my shirt and jacket. The jacket was velvet, black, empowering. I rather liked the sleek, long lines it gave my form. I was always fond of long styled garments, wearing calf length coats. This was floor length, not my usual style, yet it was absolutely flattering.

“Good. I believe I am to take you shopping tomorrow,” she informed with a sweet smile.

“Thank you,” I softly said. 

“My pleasure. Grindelwald would like to speak to you now,” she explained and I nodded. 

She led me through the home and we ended up in a small sitting room near the kitchen. As soon as she got me situated across from him, she left, closing the door behind her. We were alone, for the first time since I’d met him. 

“Rosaline,” he began, staring at me with eyes in awe. 

“Gellert,” I greeted. 

“I would like to share with you my vision,” he continued, rubbing his hands slightly as they sat on the table, his gaze dropping down. 

“Please,” I urged gently. 

“It is my belief that many of the wizarding community think I hate the non-magical.”

“You don’t?” I wondered, recalling such thoughts myself.

He shook his head, making a face of slight disappointment. “No, no. No I simply want the Statute of Wizarding Secrecy abolished. That’s all. I don’t want to hurt the non-magical. I only want us to be free. For us to love freely, show our magic freely… Is that so wrong?” 

I bobbed my head side to side. “No, I don’t think so.” 

A side smile crept up on his face. “That’s good. I’m glad. Would you help me in this endeavor?” 

“What would you need me to do?” I wondered, curious.

“Do you still have your connections at the Ministry?”

“Absolutely.” 

“I may need you to get inside the heads of a few important people there. Help to spread our message, get the word out. Make people understand that they have my ideas all wrong. Do you think you could do that?” 

A quick grin spread on my face. “Yes!” 

“Delightful. I will give you the names of the people I would like you to sway. Meet with them how you please, but do it quickly. Time is of the essence.” 

I nodded. “Yes. I understand. But… if these people you seek refuse to listen, shall I kill them?” 

He seemed to choke on air before shaking his head. “No, no. There is no point for violence, sweetheart. No. If they do not listen, perhaps an Imperius curse?” 

“Easy enough.” 

“Glad you think so.” 

“Anything else?”

“Would you care to join me for dinner? I’d very much like to discuss something else with you.” 

“I’d be honored.” 

He stood, kissing the top of my head. “It’s a date then. I will see you tonight, seven o’clock, here. Vinda will give you the names, make quick work, Rosaline. I’m counting on you.”

“I won’t let you down, Gellert.”

He smiled at me, his hand on the door as it opened. “I know you won’t. That’s why I chose you.” 

--------------------------

We were now at  Nurmengard Castle, with myself and Gellert in the library. I believe he was studying spells while I was going over potions. He sat across the table from me in the expansive room, kept warm by a roaring fire, staring at me. 

“Something on your mind, Gellert?” I questioned with a coy smile, not raising my eyes from the book.

He shifted in his seat, leaning forward. “I must confess, I find myself puzzled by you. Your past. How you came to be who you are.” 

I lowered my book and looked up at him. “What would you like to know?” 

“Everything, I suppose. What makes you… you. You’re peculiar.”

“How so?” 

“I can’t put my finger on it, but I do know I’d like to know more about you.” 

I nodded. “Very well. I was orphaned at age four, taken in by my aunt and uncle, raised with my cousin Nora. She and I became close. I went to Hogwarts, became Head Girl, graduated top of my class, and went into the Ministry.” I laughed lightly. “I’m not exactly fascinating. Why do you want to know all this?” 

“Because you’re very different from anyone I’ve met and I’d like to know why you are the way you are.” He frowned at me for a moment. “Why aren’t you married? Someone as stunning, bright, and successful as you surely had many suitors. “ 

Again, a gentle chuckle came out me. “Well to be quite frank, in school, I only wanted to focus on school. I just wanted to be the best witch I could be. Then I graduated and my job became my priority, thankfully, because it gained me a spot to be the next Minister.”

“And you didn’t go through with that? You had started your campaign, but you stopped -- why?”

I shrugged slightly. “I just… I wasn’t making a difference in the world, not really. I was capturing people who had done something wrong, but I didn’t really know their story. I didn’t get a chance to be a judge, just a person to help take the person to their sentencing. I just wanted to feel passionate and feel involved.” 

“Is that when you sought out the Scamander boy?” 

I shook my head. “No, actually, I was looking for any sort of fulfilling work, Newt just happened to be looking for an assistant.”

An eyebrow perched up. “I don’t see you being an assistant to someone like him. You’re far above him. Did you like the work?” 

“I did,” I nodded. “Working with those creatures was so inspiring. I think in a way, they humbled me, a little.”

“A woman like you, of your talent should never be humbled, or anyone’s assistant.”

I blushed, looking down for a moment. “Thank you, Gellert. That’s kind of you.” 

“Do you miss your cousin, your family?” 

I frowned, thinking for a moment. That was an odd question to me, for some reason. “I...I don’t think so. No. I have you.” I looked up at him with renewed sparkle in my eyes.

He smiled fondly. “That’s good to hear. And Newt? I know you had feelings for him. Do you miss him?” 

I shook my head, squaring my shoulders as my chin jutted towards the ceiling. “No. He’s in love with a witch from America and clearly I wasn’t good enough for him, so he’s not good enough for me.”

“Wise woman,” he commended with a coy side grin. “I really do admire that about you.” 

“Thank you. Did I answer your questions?” I asked, hopeful that I satisfied all his curiosities. 

“Yes, you did. Go back to your reading, my love.”

I smiled and did as he told.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[shamandrummer]

Soul Flight: A Spiritual Prescription for Coronavirus

I am not a medical professional or an expert on epidemics. I leave the critical information in those important fields for the experts who have the appropriate training to help us get through the coronavirus pandemic. Even though I do not possess medical knowledge, as a shamanic practitioner, I believe I can try to humbly prescribe a vaccine that can heal the spirit -- the soul flight or shamanic journey. In the shamanic world, all healing begins with the spirit.

Shamanism is based on the principle that innate wisdom and guidance can be accessed through the inner senses in ecstatic trance. Basically, shamanic journeying is a way of communicating with your inner or true self and retrieving information. Your inner self is in constant communication with all aspects of your environment, seen and unseen. You need only journey within to find answers to your questions. You should have a question or objective in mind from the start. Shamanic journeying may be undertaken for purposes of divination, for personal healing, or for any number of other reasons. After the journey, you must then interpret the meaning of your trance experience.

Drumming (or listening to a shamanic drumming recording) is a simple and effective way to induce this ecstatic trance state. When a drum is played at an even tempo of three to four beats per second for at least fifteen minutes, most novices report that they can journey successfully even on their first attempt. Transported by the driving beat of the drum; the shamanic traveler journeys to the inner planes of consciousness: the Upper, Middle, and Lower Worlds. You should always journey with a purpose, question or intention. Some good reasons to take a shamanic journey at this challenging time are….

1. To reconnect with your inner or spirit self: Shamanic journeying heightens the ability of perception and enables you to see into the deeper realms of the self. The moment you bond with your spirit is the moment your heart opens. The first time you glimpse your spirit self, you gasp and cry. You know who you are. That is the moment you begin to heal. Journey work reconnects us to our core, enhancing our sense of empowerment and stimulating our creative expression.

2. To clarify life purpose: When we are unaware of our soul's true purpose or simply not aligned in our actions, we often experience a malaise of the spirit. We can engage the blueprint of our soul path through the vehicle of journeying. Shamanic journeying is a time-tested medium for individual self-realization. We can journey within to access wisdom and energies that can help awaken our soul calling and restore us to wholeness. Journey work reconnects us with our deepest core values and our highest vision of who we are and why we are here. It heightens our sense of mission and purpose, empowering our personal evolution.

3. To access a higher power: Shamanism provides a secular approach to accessing a higher power. Shamanic methodology directly supports the introduction of spiritual factors found significant in the healing process. According to the American Journal of Public Health, "Shamanic activities bring people efficiently and directly into immediate encounters with spiritual forces, focusing the client on the whole body and integrating healing at physical and spiritual levels. This process allows them to connect with the power of the universe, to externalize their own knowledge, and to internalize their answers; it also enhances their sense of empowerment and responsibility. These experiences are healing, bringing the restorative powers of nature to clinical settings."

4. To divine information: You can journey within to obtain information about personal and community issues. Your helping spirits are a good resource when it comes to answering questions pertaining to relationships, health issues, or any issue. To divine information in a journey, begin with a clear question that you would like to ask of your helping spirits. Decide which of your helping spirits you would like to answer your question, and then journey to the place where you normally meet them in non-ordinary reality. Of course you can ask your question to as many of your helping spirits as you wish. When divining or healing on behalf of others, it is vital that you have their permission.

5. To develop relationships with the helping spirits who dwell in the three inner planes of consciousness -- the Upper, Middle, and Lower Worlds: Shamanism is a sacred call to build relationship with the caretakers in the unseen world who want to support the earth and her inhabitants at this time. These helping spirits might be the spirits of nature, animals, plants, the elements, or ancestors. The reason for developing personal relationships with spirit helpers is to gain wisdom, healing techniques, and other vital information that can benefit the community. Similar to the way friendships develop gradually, our relationships with spirits grow and deepen based on repeated interaction and building trust over time.

6. To reconnect with benevolent ancestors: Your ancestors and the collective spiritual power of all those who went before you reside in the spirit world. When your own time comes to pass on, you will become part of this vast collective unconscious. If you embark on a journey with the intention of connecting with those who have passed, they may come to meet you. Keep in mind that spirits choose to come into relationship with the person seeking. You can seek ancestral spirits, but the spirits must choose.

7. To prepare for death: Shamans believe that learning to leave the physical body is important, for without this experience, the soul may become confused after death and remain stuck in the Middle World. When a person dies, there is usually a smooth transition into the afterlife, but when a person suffers a traumatic death, they may not have an awareness of who and where they are. This makes it difficult for them to make their journey to the afterlife. Other souls linger in the space between life and the afterlife for fear of going to hell. Sadly, most of the psychopomp rites of passage that once helped prepare a person for death have disappeared. Hence, journeying is one of the most important shamanic skills that we can develop. By journeying to the Lower World, the place to which human souls travel upon physical death, we can prepare for our own death. That said, perhaps the most compelling reason to journey is...

8. To find ways to restore balance in the world: As anthropologist and author Felicitas Goodman points out, "One of the most pervasive traditions of shamanic cultures is the insight that there exists a patterned cosmological order, which can be disturbed by human activity." When harmony between the human realm and the original intended pattern is disturbed, the shaman makes a spirit journey to the Upper World to bring back the balance. Shamans also go there to acquire archetypal knowledge, to bring a vision into being, or to influence events in the material world. By interacting with the archetypes, the shaman interacts with their counterparts in the outer world.

Try a Shamanic Journey

To enter a trance state and support your journey, click here to listen to a track from my CD "Shamanic Journey Drumming." Reflect for a moment on the purpose of your journey, and then close your eyes. Focus your attention on the sound of the drum and feel yourself being carried away by the sound. If for any reason you want to return, just retrace your steps back. You will hear a call back signal near the end of the video, followed by a short period of slow heartbeat drumming to assist you in refocusing your awareness back to your physical body. Sit quietly for a few moments, and then open your eyes.

After the journey, you must then interpret the meaning of your trance experience.  In some cases, your journey experiences will be clear and easy to understand. At other times, your journey may be dreamlike and full of symbolism. Interpret such journeys as you would any dream. Look for possible associations related to each symbol or image. The key is to observe whatever happens without trying to analyze the experience. Like developing any skill, journeying takes practice. Nothing may happen on your first journeys. You may only experience darkness. When this happens, simply try again at a different time.

[theboy-thebitch-thelegend]

President-Elect Joe Biden Addresses the Nation

transcribed from: x

Hello my fellow Americans.

And the people that brought me to dance, Delawarians. I see my buddy, Senator Tom Carper, down there; and I think Senator Coons is there, and I think the Governor is around. Is that Ruth Ann? And former Governor Ruth Ann Minner. Most importantly, my sisters-in-law and my sister, Valerie. 

Anyway, folks, the people of this nation have spoken. They have delivered us a clear victory, a convincing victory, a victory for We the People. We’ve won with the most votes ever cast for a presidential ticket in the history of the nation, 74 million. While I must admit it surprised me, tonight we’re seeing all over this nation, all cities and all parts of the country- indeed across the world- an outpouring of joy, of hope, renewed faith; and tomorrow will bring a better day. 

And I am humbled by the trust and confidence you have placed in me. I pledge to be a president who seeks not to divide but unify, who doesn’t see red states and blue states, only sees the United States. I’ll work with all my heart with the confidence of the whole people to win the confidence of all of you- and for that is what America, I believe, is about. It’s about people, and that’s what our administration will be all about. 

I sought this office to restore the soul of America  

to rebuild the backbone of this nation, the middle class, and to make America respected around the world again. And to unite us here at home. It’s the honor of my lifetime that so many millions of Americans have voted for that vision. And now the work of making that vision is real. It’s a task, the task of our time. 

Folks, as I said many times before, I’m Jill’s husband. And i would not be here without her love and tireless support, and my son Hunter and Ashley my daughter, and all our grandchildren and their spouses and all our family. They’re my heart. Jill’s a mom, a military mom, an educator. She has dedicated her life to education- but teaching isn’t just what she does, it’s who she is. For American educators, this is a great day for you all. You’re going to have one of your own in the White House. And Jill is going to make a great First Lady. I’m so proud of her. 

I’ll have the honor of serving with a fantastic Vice President you just heard from, Kamala Harris. She’ll make history as the first woman, the first black woman, the first woman from South Asian descent, the first daughter of immigrants, ever elected in this country- don’t tell me it’s not possible in the United States! It’s long overdue and we’re reminded tonight of those who fought so hard for so many years to make this happen.  

Once again, America has bent the arc of the moral universe more toward justice.

Kamala, Doug, like it or not, you’re family. You’ve become an honorary Biden, there’s no way out. For all those of you who volunteered and worked the polls in the middle of this pandemic, local elected officials, you deserve a special thanks from the entire nation. And to my campaign team and all the volunteers and all who gave so much of themselves to make this moment possible: I owe you. I owe you, I owe you everything.  

And to all those who supported us, I'm proud of the campaign we built and ran. I’m proud of the coalition we put together. The broadest and most diverse coalition in history: Democrats, Republicans, Independents; Progressives, Moderates, Conservatives; young, old, urban, suburban, rural; gay, straight, transgender; white, Latino, Asian, Native American. I mean it- and especially those moments when this campaign was at its lowest ebb, the African-American community stood up again for me. They have always had my back, and I'll have yours.  

I said at the outset, I wanted this campaign to represent and look like America. We’ve done that.  

Now, that’s what I want the administration to look like and act like.

For all those of you who voted for President Trump, I understand the disappointment tonight. I’ve lost a couple of times myself. But now, let’s give each other a chance.

It’s time to put away the harsh rhetoric, lower the temperature

See each other again, listen to each other again; and to make progress we have to stop treating our opponents as our enemies. They are not our enemies, they are Americans.

The Bible tells us:  to everything there is a season, a time to build, a time to reap and a time to sow and a time to heal.  

This is the time to heal in America.

Now this campaign is over, what is the will of the people?  What is our mandate? I believe it’s this:  America has called upon us to marshal the forces of decency, the forces of fairness; to marshal the forces of science and the forces of hope and the great battles of our time; the battle of control of the virus, the battle to build prosperity, the battle to secure your family’s health care, the battle to achieve racial justice and rout out systemic racism in this country, and the battle to save our planet by getting climate under control. The battle to restore decency, defend democracy and give everybody in this country a fair shot. That’s all they’re asking for: a fair shot.

Folks, our work begins with getting COVID under control. We cannot repair the economy, restore our vitality or relish life’s most precious moments- hugging our grandchildren, our children; birthdays, weddings, graduations- all the moments that matter most to us, until we get it under control.

On Monday I will name a group of leading scientists and experts as transition advisers to help take the Biden/Harris COVID plan and convert it into an action blueprint that will start on January the 20th,  2021.

That plan will be built on bedrock science. It will be constructed out of compassion, empathy, and concern. I will spare no effort, none, or any commitment, to turn around this pandemic.

Folks, I’m a proud Democrat. But i will govern as an American President. I’ll work as hard for those who didn’t vote for me as those who did. Let this grim era of demonization in America begin to end here and now. Refusal of Democrats and Republicans to cooperate with one another is not some mysterious force beyond our control, it’s a decision, a choice we make.

If we can decide not to cooperate, then we can decide to cooperate.

And I believe that this is part of the mandate given to us from the American people. They want us to cooperate in their interests, and that’s the choice I'll make. I’ll call on Congress- Democrats, Republicans alike- to make that choice with me.

The American story is about a slow yet steadily widening the opportunities in America. And make no mistake,  

too many dreams have been deferred for too long.

We must make the promise of the country real for everybody, no matter their race, their ethnicity, their faith, their identity, or their disability.  

Folks, America has always been shaped by inflection points: by moments in time where we made hard decisions about who we are and what we want to be.

Lincoln in 1860 coming to save the Union; FDR in 1932 promising a beleaguered country a New Deal; JFK pledging a new frontier; and 12 years ago when Barack Obama made history and told us, Yes, we can. Folks, we stand at an inflection point. We have an opportunity to defeat despair; to build a nation of prosperity and purpose.

We can do it, I know we can.

I’ve long talked about the battle for the soul of America. We must restore the soul of America. Our nation is shaped by the constant battle between our better angels and our darkest impulses. And what presidents say in this battle matters. It’s time for our better angels to prevail. Tonight the whole world is watching America. And I believe at our best, America is a beacon for the globe.

We will lead not only by the example of our power, but by the power of our example.

I’ve always believed, many have heard me say, I’ve always believed we can define America in one word:

Possibilities. 

That in America, everyone should be given the opportunity to go as far as their dreams and God-given ability will take them. I believe in the possibilities in this country. We’re always looking ahead. Ahead to an America that’s freer and more just. Ahead to an America that pays jobs with dignity and respect. Ahead to an America that cures diseases like cancer and alzheimer’s. Ahead to an America that never leaves anyone behind. An America that never gives up, never gives in. This is a great nation. It’s always been a bad bet to bet against America.

We’re good people. This is the United States of America and there’s never been anything, never been anything we’ve been not able to do when we’ve done it together.

Folks, in the last days of the campaign, I began thinking about a hymn that means a lot to me and my family, particularly my deceased son, Beau. It captures the faith that sustains me, which I believe sustains America, and I hope it can provide some comfort and solace to 230,000 Americans who have lost a loved one to this terrible virus this year. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. Hopefully this hymn gives you solace as well. It goes like this: 

And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings Bear you on the breath of dawn   And make you to shine like the sun   And hold you in the palm of His hand 

And now together on eagles’ wings we embark on the work that God and history have called upon us to do with full hearts and steady hands, with faith in America and in each other, with love of country, a thirst for Justice.

Let us be the nation that we know we can be, a nation united, a nation strengthened, a nation healed: the United States of America. 

Ladies and gentlemen, there’s never, never been anything we’ve tried and not been able to do.  

So remember, as my grandpa said when I walked out of his home when I was a kid up in Scranton:

He said, “Joey, keep the faith.”

Our grandmother when she was alive, she said, “No, Joey- spread it.”

Spread the faith! God love you all! May God bless America and may God protect our troops!

[wolfandsheep200]

Chapter 4: A loss of personalized freedom. A Promotion of Rank.

Neopoilitan walked in silence alongside Mercury Black all the way to Salem's Throne Room. Once, at the door which separated them from Her Majesty. Mercury stepped foward. His left hand raised to knock. Before He could however. Neopoilitan reached over and in the briefest of instances squeezed Mercury's right hand. The movement was so slight on her part. That if a body wasn't specifically looking for an interaction between these two. This small jester of solidarity would have gone unnoticed. Mercury's left hand hung suspended in the air before the door for what felt like an impossibility long time. Then as if everything around them started moving again. Mercury completed the knock. The door opened with a vooming hissing sound. As if the fresh air from the hallway was flooding into the vacuumed chamber. Neopoilitan having fulfilled her assignment, turned and begun to make her leave. Neopoilitan made it several steps down the hall before quietly crumbling into a pile of dust. Mercury closed his gray eyes. Wherever the corporal body of Neopoilitan was right now. She was in trouble. Her aura field had just broken. And as a consensus, her after image clone had turned to dust. Instead of shattering the way one of Neopoilitan illusion should have. If an assailant had broken the illusion, through an attack. All Mercury could do now was hope his friend was okay. And that none of those he worked with saw what he had just witnessed. Mercury gathered himself faced foward and stood silently in the doorway. Until Salem finally acknowledged his presence.

"Are you going to stand there forever child? Are our you going to come inside?"

Just awaiting your personal invitation. Your Grace. Mercury replied. Before bowing his head and entering Her Throneroom. Mercury walked in kneeling before Salem. Cinder always kneeled with her left knee to the floor. And Cinder was Mercury's Client. So Mercury imitated his client actions. To a T. Kneeling with his left knee touching the floor.

"There's no need for that, at this moment." Salem announced. "Rise!"

Mercury rose to his feet. His eyes immediately picking a spot on the floor ahead of him and gluing themselves there. Salem had only told him he could stand in her presence. She hadn't issued him any directive stating he could lay his eyes on her royal Visage.

"Do you know why I summoned you before me?" Salem asked.

"I do not presume to know the inner workings of your mind. Your grace. " Mercury answered.

Mercury's Father Marcus Black. Had trained his Son from early childhood on how to respond when dealing with clientele of all sorts.

"For all people from all ways of life have a need to utilized our services. And from time to time you'llbe throwna curveball. A pitch so drastically different from anything you've ever seen before. That you won't know how to cope. That is the reason for learning this Mercury. Because one day.. I won't be there to hold your hand and it will behoove you to understand how to conduct yourself in those intimate circles. That our clients walk in."

And so that Mercury learned this lesson and many more just like it. Marcus ensured that simple things. Such as, Mercury would have no miscommunication, or indirect understanding on how to react. When One was to speaking to Royalty. To ensure this. Marcus had laid Mercury's failures to do so correctly. Bare and in numerous presence across his back. Only now at this moment could Mercury see the need for what his father had been trying to teach him.

"I summoned you before me." Salme began. "Because I believe Cinder has failed to obey Me. Earlier Cinder came before me with concerns that Atlas would get communications between themselves and the rest of the world up and running. She asked if she could take a small contingent and quell this heriecy before it has a chance to begin. I gave her specific instructions to ignore their vain attempt to raise the alarm and under no circumstances was she to leave my Castle. Without my expressed authority. Now I fear Cinder has bluntly disobeyed me. And as a consequence of this action she will have to be punished." Salem paused. Waiting to get a reaction from him. Mercury denied her the satisfaction. He was not Emerald he was not going to be baited. Instead Mercury doubled down focusing all his attention on that spot on the floor. As if it was the most interesting object in the world. Finally seeing that she'd get no rise from the young man before her. Salem asked a question. So I wish for you to presume for me. "What do you think I'm going to do?"

Mercury gathered his thoughts before speaking everthing he was to say had to make some logical scene if he was to help Cinder.

"Frist off." He began. I'd like to say I appreciate your candor. So often an underling is called in to receive punishment for the mistakes of their employer's and those handing down the punishments. Never even have the decency to let those being punished to even know why. All I have is one question.

Salem chuckled amused. Particularly interested to see where this line of thought ended its destination. Right now the young man before her. Was believing she meant to take her displeasure with Cinders behavior out on him.

"And what question would that be?" She asked

Am I just going to be beaten and maimed, or should I be putting my affairs in order?"

Somehow this question stopped Salem. Stopped her dead in her tracks. The young Man had just calmly and nonchalantly implied that Salem should kill him in order to send a message to one of her followers. Who was this young man and where had he come from?

"No nothing like that. Salem said The kind of punishment I've got in mind won't have anyone who serves me spilling unnecessary blood. For today at least. Try again.

Mercury thought about it for a moment. "If the punishment you have in mind isn't going to include violence then. I can only assume you wish to personalize it to Cinder based off information you already know about her. And therefore without having access to that same vein of information. I would be unable to ever properly make an accurate assessment capable of pleasing your grace.

"Your words our wise. Clearly Cinder has vision in her employ. Vision I'd prefer to have in my own. And so I shall." Salem clapped her hands together. Mercury still refused to look up. If he had he would have seen a smug grin pass across her radiant features. "Mercury former disciple of Cinder. I am personally promoting you to the the inner circle. No longer will you apply your trade in Cinders employ. From now on you will only take orders from me and no one else. And in return I shall provide you with the riches of the world. That is a vague promise Mercury though in my world people like myself sing contracts and we don't break them. Without your ink on paper and Cinders ink relinquishing me from my terms of service I cannot enter into a contract with you. So telling me I now work for you is kind of pointless. Yet Mercury said none of this. Infact he said the direct opposite. Seeing an opportunity to save Cinder from any real repercussions.

"I am honored and greatfuly humbled by how you have chosen to place your trust in me. I hope that the promotion of myself a former underlying to Cinder Fall. Will have the intended effect of letting her know anyone can be promoted or demoted at any given time and she will quickly fall back into line.

Salem was somehow less than pleased with this answer. Yet couldn't understand why. And that irrated her to no end.

"Go now." Salem announced. And await my further orders I have big plans for you." Mercury walked outside as soon as the door was closed he kicked the dust pile left behind by Neopoilitan. Until the evidence was throughly scattered.

This has been Chapter 4: A Loss of Personalized Freedom. A promotion of rank. This chapter was written by Wolf and Sheep 200 and is a work of fan fiction. As always please feel free to leave a comment. I look foward to hearing them. And merry Christmas. Peace out for now.

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

Yes, once.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Nine (25.71% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Twenty-six.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

For a movie which is pretty much wall-to-wall fight scenes...I love it. I always start out going ‘maybe I overrate this movie, maybe it’s not as good as I remember’, but by the end, I’m right back in there.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Wanda apologises to Natasha for lying. It’s a close call.

Female characters:

Pepper Potts.

F.R.I.D.A.Y

Gamora.

Mantis.

Wanda Maximoff.

Natasha Romanoff.

Okoye.

Nebula.

Shuri.

Male characters:

Ebony Maw.

Thanos.

Thor.

Loki.

Heimdall.

Bruce Banner.

Stephen Strange.

Wong.

Tony Stark.

Peter Parker.

Ned.

Peter Quill.

Rocket.

Drax.

Groot.

Vision.

Steve Rogers.

Sam Wilson.

The Collector.

Thaddeus Ross.

James Rhodes.

T’Challa.

Bucky Barnes.

Eitri.

Red Skull.

M’Baku.

OTHER NOTES:

Heimdall had proven himself too much of an MVP in previous films to be allowed to live in this one. Bastards.

Heimdall and Loki, both dead before the opening titles. That’s how you know this movie means business, it’s not faking at high stakes.

I also am from space and have come here to steal a necklace from a wizard.

“Mr Stark, it smells like a new car in here!”

“All words are made up.”

Not gonna lie, when I saw this at the cinema and I realised that Captain America had arrived? My heart LEAPT. It was intense.

Depressed Thor is a great touch - after all previous films with Thor had him so bland, and then Ragnarok made him funny but essentially glossed over any of the difficult emotions it was dredging up, I’m glad to finally get something real and meaty from the character. If characters go through all manner of Hell and don’t show any signs of labouring under that weight, you’re doing character development wrong.

Nice callback with Red Skull.

The sacrifice of Gamora on Vormir is a really well-balanced piece; it was asking a lot, to make the emotion of it land despite how little of Thanos we’ve seen before, and without genuine emotion at it’s core it’s just the killing off of a female character for shock value. I feel like they got the pitch just right (most thanks to the music).

As much as I enjoy Thor and Rocket’s bantering, the side-quest for Stormbreaker feels like an unnecessary and over-the-top distraction in an already stuffed-full film. Easily the weakest part of the plot.

The fact that Quill fucks everything up with defeating Thanos on Titan because he can’t keep himself under control for two seconds certainly does not endear him to me in the slightest. Like ok, you’re upset, but if you can’t stop yourself from getting violent that’s on you, that makes you a dangerous person with serious issues, that’s not normal and it’s not ok. Also, literally half of all life in the universe was at stake. So there’s that.

Listen, I’m very susceptible to heroism (and that’s why superhero movies work for me), so every time someone comes to someone else’s rescue, I have feelings. 

I had convinced myself that somehow, Thanos wouldn’t succeed with his whole plan in this movie, that he would get all the stones but that he would like, go to a special place or something before enacting his plan, so that the good guys would have a chance to regroup and race to stop him before it was too late, all that jazz. So (even though Thanos had already snapped at that point), when Bucky Barnes disintegrated before our very eyes, I was SHOCKED. That got me like a smack in the face.

Considering I’ve never really been a fan of Tom Holland’s Spider-man, it’s a credit to his work that Peter’s death scene is so effective. That’s acting.

So, what makes this movie work despite being so heavy with bombastic action? The short answer is: it’s because the good guys lose. I’ve made no secret of being a fan of the ‘hour darkest before the dawn’ in storytelling, so this is playing to the sweet spot for me there, but it’s not as simple as just making everything miserable and hopeless. In this case, specifically, the lead-up to that ultimate failure is key; it’s gotta still feel like a superhero extravaganza, even as it takes an increasingly dark turn. The action works because it’s part of what we signed up for (the best camouflage for subversions of the traditional model), and it works because it’s all carrying the story forward - the Infinity War is comprised of multiple battles, and because of the way the pieces of the narrative are separated, the characters don’t know how any of the other battles are turning out; everyone is just trying to fight what’s in front of them and defend the stone in their midst, they don’t have the option to sit around doom-and-glooming and restrategising as news of each defeat comes in. Rather than dragging us wholesale from Point A to B to C in ever-escalating stakes and complications, the writers have had the good sense to spread things out and let things fall apart for our heroes (and the universe) in multiple smaller pieces until they reach a cumulative critical mass. Consequently, instead of feeling as though we’re sitting there watching things go from bad to worse, the audience forms this false sense of security in the action; it’s a superhero movie, after all. We expect them to work it all out in the end, to build toward a moment of apparent hopelessness (a darkest hour before the dawn), and then to rally triumphantly for the big win. As such, we perceive small victories (i.e. the defeat of Thanos’ various ‘children’, the creation of Stormbreaker, the way things draw out in the battle on Titan) as if they are more significant, as if they are signs leading us to that big win; without those small, expected victories, the ultimate failure would not hit as hard, because after two and a half hours of watching the good guys get wrecked without a chance, what surprise would there be in the snap?

Of course, plenty of viewers knew about the snap already or expected an ultimate failure of some sort based on the fact that we pretty much all knew that this was the first half of our grand Avengers finale (my mother, who is not a superhero movie fan, did not know what she was getting into and was...very shocked), so it’s important that the film still works to engage us on a character level so that the good guys losing in the end can hit like a ton of bricks even if you knew it was coming (and even though you no doubt expected to get the big win eventually, once Endgame came out). After all the fighting and the bantering, all the usual stuff we expect to see our heroes go through in the course of an average adventure, having them then watch their beloved friends/allies/whatever literally disintegrate before their eyes in a quiet, drawn out scene of devastation is a magnificent piece of cinema, communicating the shock not only of the event itself, but of the complete disruption to the superhero status quo. It’s not just that good guys don’t lose like this, it’s that they don’t lose with a whimper instead of a a bang. It’s not only that the cost of failure has never been this high; it’s also that they have never been forced to watch it play out with such inevitability; they have never before been rendered so powerless. If the entire film had the tone of the last ten minutes, it wouldn’t work so well, it’d just be a drudge and the audience would be desensitised by the end. By the same token, if the rest of the film had not planted the seeds of the finale so thoroughly in all its smaller losses and smokescreen victories, the ending would not be so horrifically fitting.

Neither, of course, would the ending be so affecting, if we were not as attached to the characters as we are. We have many, many films worth of history with most of them, or at least one solid encounter in which to become attached, and even in a movie chock-full of more characters than any other before, everyone gets a chance to show their personality and remind us why we care if they live or die. I’m not going to argue for this being an incredible character piece (nor is it pretending to be one), but it plays its very large hand very well, putting emphasis where it needs to be without overloading or unbalancing the story. As I noted above, I was particularly impressed with the way Thanos was handled, considering our exposure to him previously was very minimal and it was left up the this film to build his ethos as well as his relationships with his ‘children’ almost from scratch, creating complexity and simplicity without falling into the trap of trying to make the villain sympathetic; Thanos isn’t necessarily relatable (nor does he need to be), but he is understandable in that we’ve all probably encountered at least one person who holds the same limited worldview and is somehow convinced that they could ‘fix’ everything, given the power. Thanos isn’t actually aiming for universal domination in the traditional sense, and it makes him more disturbing and more realistic as a villain, because his evil is not nebulous or purely self-serving; he is a true believer, and his delusions have an all-too-familiar ring about them, so as we watch him lumber and pontificate around the story, we get a clearly-drawn image of someone possessed of such basic and humble flaws that he is - again, without being treated as sympathetic - quite significantly humanised, despite all of the non-human elements that make up both his character, and his situation. Even as it planet-hops and draws upon cosmic magic, the narrative is grounded by a centrepiece of plain, ungodly fallibility. 

Now, I recognise that in all of this praise for the way this film was executed, there isn't really anything to be said for it regarding the purpose of this blog; on the female representation front, it's not really doing anything (the fact that it juuust manages to pass the Bechdel and juuust over a quarter of its cast is female does not win it brownie points; its better than not having either of those things, but that's not a genuine achievement). The two female characters who were more prominently positioned in this movie are Gamora and Wanda; Gamora largely in context of her relationship with Thanos, and Wanda as Vision’s significant other and the means of his destruction. Notably, both women’s arcs are accessories to the arcs of male characters, which is not what we’re aiming for in good representation, though it does not exclude the possibility of quality content; Gamora’s role may have a lot to do with Thanos (not least, after he kills her), but it is still distinctly her own story, rich with emotion and coming to a surprising and depressing end which I felt struck the right chords to be compelling rather than an enraging disposal of one of the few female characters around (more on this after Endgame). Wanda’s presence leaves less of an impression, in terms of screen time, plot complication, and audience engagement, but all things considered I don’t think that was a terrible choice; Wanda and Vision’s relationship had been a somewhat sparse subplot in previous films and the chemistry was not strong, so I don’t think it would have been to the film’s benefit to try and expand on that relationship further than they did. As it was, there was enough there to sell the emotion, and nothing extraneous, and as much as I enjoy this movie, I wish I could say better things for its female representation than that. It is stuffed-full, and definitely not perfect, and space could have been made to pump up some of the other female characters’ roles more (the Earthbound characters get the least attention in the movie, and since basically all my faves are there it is a testament to how well this movie works for me that I enjoy it so much anyway, but a little more attention there would not have gone astray, especially since that’s where most of the female cast is). That said...I still really enjoy it, man. As far as popcorn action goes, this is top shelf.

[mavrisfanfics]

[Request] Genji x Reader - T-That’s a Dragon!

Fandom: Overwatch

Pairing: Genji x Reader

Words:3193 (went a little overboard here)

Warnings: None, I think

Notes: I don’t know I long I have this in my inbox because, again college is a bitch. Writing has been the last thing in my mind, honestly...

I everything goes well I’ll finish it in september... Plz pray for me, I need it...

---___---___---___---___---___---

A sigh left you as your fingers ran through dark tresses of hair. By the time the sobs started to calm, Genji entered the room, giving you a shrug, before calling for the young boy curled up at your side. Wet, brown eyes revealed themselves.

“No Monster…” Genji said as he walked to the bed.

“But I saw it!! I saw the monster!!” The young boy turned fully to his father, fear turning to disbelief. You pulled the child back to you and kissed his head.

“You know how daddy is, he’s too humble to admit he fought the monster away.” You winked at Genji, making the man chuckle.

“You caught me. I fought the monster, he won’t be back” He confirmed with raised hands. The boy straightened up.

“Really? Promise, papa?” Genji nodded.

“Want me and mommy to show you?”

With some reluctance the boy left the bed, ready to follow his father. Behind his back, you rolled your eyes at Genji before following suit. Did he have to drag you out of bed too?

After showing your son that his room was safe, you and Genji returned to bed, your son already in his, halfway to dreamland. The happy and safe façade you both held shattered the moment your head hit the pillows.

“This is getting pathetic…” You muttered with an arm over your eyes.

“He’s just a kid, it’s normal.” Genji replied, holding you closer to him and digging his face in your back.

“Genji, he’s been waking us up in the middle of the night, every night, for the past three weeks! What of that is normal?!” He sighed in defeat. You turned to him, worry reflected in your eyes.

“Should…Should… we take him to a therapist or something?” You asked. Genji thought for a while before replying.

“No, not yet. We should try to help him out first, don’t you think?” You frowned, doubts filling your head. Before you could voice them, Genji chuckled “Don’t worry, I’ll handle it, angel, just go to sleep.”

He kissed your lips as he pulled you even closer into his embrace.

---___---___---___---___---

Morning light painted the kitchen with gold. Genji was happily chatting away with your son, while you lazily sipped a cup of liquid energy. You were honestly too tired to join in the beaming energy they shared, thanks to another night filled with worry related insomnia, but you still indulged in admiring their smiling faces.

“So, did the monster bother you again, (s/n)?” Genji eventually asked, shifting the conversation. You perked up just a little bit.

“No, but they’ll come again tonight, won’t they, papa?” Your son’s smile gave place to a frown, twisting your heart into a knot. Genji only chuckled.

“No, I’ll catch it! But first, you need to tell me what it looks like, so I can find it!” Your eyes widened. You looked at Genji, who gave you a reassuring nod. Your son bit his finger and looked sideways.

“It’s big and yellow…” He started, pausing a second afterwards. “ It has big yellow eyes and small horns!” He put his fingers to the head, mimicking the mentioned feature, before putting them to his mouth like fangs. “It has teeth this big! And very pointy! It also flies…” He drifts off for a second, thinking. “Oh! And it has a scary growl!”

You were inwardly disappointed at the vague description. Genji tried to not let that same disappointment show, but you could read him well enough to feel.

“Hm, I don’t know, that looks hard to find!” Genji exclaimed dramatically. “You’re sure there is nothing else?”

As both father and son tried to come up with a better description of the nightmarish visions your son had, your brain started to wake up. Tired of not getting anywhere, you got up to start doing chores. It so happened your eyes fell on the notepad stuck to the fridge, giving you an idea.

“(S/n)?” You called, offering said notepad and a pen to your son. “Why don’t you draw the monster? It should be easier for papa to find it!”

He took the materials and started to draw. You came up behind Genji and bent down to hug his neck, head resting over your arms, right next to his.

“Great idea” You heard him whisper. “How come I didn’t think of that?”

“Because you’re tired and I’m the smart one.” You chuckled. Genji leaned into you, as your child kept scribbling on the paper, face scrunched in concentration.

Eventually, he finally turned the paper to you, proud of his depiction of the evil entity.

“This is the monster!”

You released Genji to lean for a closer look. It was… a spiky snake? You had no idea what to say.

“Genji, will this work?” You looked at your husband and had to contain yourself to not make a double take. He looked livid, eyes wide and mouth agape in either wonder or horror, you honestly didn’t know. He blinked quickly and his face returned to normal, before his child could see it. Genji smiled at him and ripped off the page.

“Of course, I’ll definitely catch it now! Why don’t you go play for a while, (s\n)? I promise, I will find the monster.” Genji helped him out of his chair, smile still on his lips. But as soon as your child ran out of sight, he sat back down and collapsed over the table, his head hitting it too hard for you liking. You carefully approached him, rubbing his back slowly.

“Genji?... What is it? Is something wrong?” You were legitimately worried from his reaction alone. He mumbled something you didn’t understand, not because he was mumbling into the table, but because your Japanese was too rusty to understand the meaning.

“I… didn’t get that…” You admitted. Genji leaned back on the chair, looking upwards at you.

“It’s…It’s a dragon… A spirit dragon…”

You looked back at the paper still in his hands. A dragon? Your head tilted, trying from see a different angle.

“Oh…”

The two remained silent. You had completely forgot what the Shimada blood carried, and you had no idea if Genji wanted to see it in your child, from his reaction alone.

You sat down next to him and pulled Genji to you, hugging his waist. Although you were afraid of Genji’s reaction to this all, you figured beating around the bush wouldn’t help.

“So… How do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know!” He admitted. “Part of me is proud, but I wanted to keep him away from the clan and everything, give him a normal life, but…”

You could sense Genji’s insecurities bubble up to the surface. It was the same wave of nervousness from when you were pregnant. Will I be a good father? Won’t the child think of me as a monster? What about the dragons? The clan? Will they hate me and their “legacy”? These were doubts no meditation could silence.

And you couldn’t help him if you couldn’t control your own.

“Genji Shimada, listen to me.” You started. You took a deep breath, before looking him in the eye. “We’re not sure it a dragon. It could just be a strange nightmare and there is no Shimada blood involved.” Genji tried to cut you off, but you put your finger over his lips to silence him. “Kids have strange imagination, and this could just be a spiky snake monster, okay?”

“That’s literally what a dragon is.” He commented, but you brushed it off.

“Yeah, I won’t believe it until I see a yellow spirit dragon floating around the house. Besides, if he’s afraid of it, how can he summon it?”

“Unconsciously, of course…” Genji replied. You shook your head

“Again, I won’t believe it until I see a yellow dragon floating around the house.”

“What do we do then? If it’s unconscious, I can’t ask him to do it…” You thought for a second.

“Well, he usually sees the ‘monster’ at night, right!? What if he sleeps with us tonight? When he wakes up screaming, we’ll see. If there’s nothing, it’s a nightmare, if there’s a dragon… we’ll figure it out!”

Genji pulled you to him and laid his forehead against yours. He closed his eyes in thought, while you awaited his answer.

“I think… Yeah, we can do that.” You rubbed your nose to his, in a small attempt to cheer him up. It worked, a soft smile bloomed in his lips, before he pulled you in for a kiss.

“We’ll deal with this together, okay?” You assured. “Now how about you go to Zenyatta and meditate a bit? You need to clear your head.”

---___---___---___---___---___---

As the sky turned darker, Genji became more on edge. You told your son that he’d be sleeping with you because Genji couldn’t find “the monster” that day. After some minutes of panicked cries, you eventually calmed down the young boy and convinced him to get ready for bed.

You too felt tense as bedtime approached, afraid of the night to come.

The three of you finally dived under the covers, with both you and Genji spooning the child between you and a free hand intertwined next to the boy’s head.

As the clock advanced, you watched your son fall asleep, his breath slowing into a peaceful pattern. But you could not follow, and looking at your husband, you could see his eyes shine in the dark. He was as awake as you, but neither dared to speak. You simply used your intertwined hands to communicate with reassuring squeezes.

Occasionally, you found yourself jolting awake when your son moved, and you noticed Genji react the same. By sun rise, your son didn’t wake up once, and both you and Genji where more tired than when you went to bed.

“Okay, so that didn’t work…” You uselessly pointed out over the remains of your breakfast. Genji’s state mirrored your own: droopy eyes and leaned over the table with his arm holding his chin. In the living room, you could hear the morning cartoons, entertaining your son, who appeared to have absorbed all the household energy that night.

“…I am still not convinced…” Genji muttered, spinning his mug with the hand that wasn’t holding his head.

“Wanna keep trying?” You questioned with a soft voice. Silence fell over you, as Genji mulled over his possibilities. It took a good while, but eventually he nodded.

And so, night returned. Bedtime came once more and the three went to sleep together again. Another uneventful night, only this time both you and Genji got some proper sleep. Even so, Genji was not convinced, so this kept going for a week until you had to step forward.

“Maybe it really is just a nightmare.” You pointed out after the 8th uneventful night in a row. “He probably feels safer when he’s with us and that’s why he doesn’t wake up.”

After a bit more convincing, Genji finally gave up and that night the young boy slept on his own bed, after both you and Genji swore the monster was gone. Even then, Genji remained awake most of the night, ready to jump out of bed if your son woke up again. It felt weird sleeping next to someone so tense, but you kept quiet and tried to get some sleep for yourself.

Nothing happened that night. Neither did it the next one, or the other one after.

Just like that, the nightmares stopped, and both you and Genji finally allowed yourselves a sigh of relief.

But one day, heavy dark clouds turned the day into night and rain fell. Thunder followed soon after, loud enough to shake the house. Your son immediately sought refuge, bursting into the kitchen where you were working on your laptop.

“You don’t really like thunder, do you?” You asked with a chuckle, combing your hands through the dark strands of the boy hugging you. He shook his head, face hidden on your side.

Figuring you needed a break, you closed your laptop and guided your child to the living room. You settled on the couch, son nestled on your side and a blanket over both. You tried to distract him with a movie and light chatter, and it worked, to an extent. He kept jumping and cuddling you harder whenever a flash of white would flood the room but would soon relax afterwards.

“What is this? Movie afternoon without me?” You heard Genji accuse as a light joke. You turned around to give him a loving smile.

“Didn’t want to interrupt your meditation session!” He jumped over the back of the couch and landed on the free spot in a perfect sitting position. The couch bounced, pulling a giggle from the young boy. You lightly rolled your eyes at the small show off.

The movie/ cuddle session resumed, now with Genji in the mix. After a while, another lightning filled the air with white, right before the house was plunged into darkness. You froze at the sudden blackout, but quickly relaxed when Genji’s cybernetics, the few he used around the house, filled the living room with a faint green glow. You son let go of you to glue himself to Genji, who muttered a curse in Japanese when he noticed the neighboring houses had gone dark too.

With a sigh of resignation, you got up from the couch.

“I’ll get something to light this up.”

“Perhaps I should go-“ Genji’s sentence got cut short by another lightning. He looked down at the boy bundled next to him, who curled tighter. “Actually, nevermind…”

You chuckled in response and pecked his lips before heading off to scavenge for any source of light. You had no idea how long you spent going through the house, but you knew you took longer than accepted when Genji walked into your bedroom, where you were digging for batteries in some drawer.

“Need some help?” He asked, noticing your lack of light.

“Yeah… The flashlight is out of batteries…” Genji stood beside you, allowing his cybernetics to illuminate the drawer. “What about (S/n)? You left him alone?” You asked.

“It took a while to convince him to release me, but yes. He’ll be fine.”

As if to disagree with him, another lightning ripped the skies open. A clash of thunder vibrated through the walls and you heard a scream, putting both you and Genji on alert. Struggling to put the batteries in the flashlight, you ran to the bedroom door

“It’s okay baby, you’re safe! We’re coming, just wait a second!” you yelled.

You had just snapped shut the flashlight when you heard another scream, more shrill and terrifying than the last one, and with no lightning or thunder that could have triggered it. You felt it run down your spine, mother instincts kicking in full force.

Both you and Genji ran out the room immediately. Genji quickly surpassed you and jumped the stairs entirely, ninja skills at full display. You were still at the top of the stairs when you saw Genji freeze in front of the living room door, and quickly deflate.

“No way…”

You were midway through the steps when your son ran out the room and barreled into Genji, quickly hiding behind him, bawling his eyes out, and only when you reached the bottom did you see it.

Floating in the middle of the living room was a yellowish- green dragon. Its body wasn’t well defined like Genji or Hanzo’s, more like a smoky shape. The head was clear, though its whiskers were like thin trails of smoke, instead of the defined lines you were used to. It struggled to move, its incomplete form making its movement slow and strange.

“T-that’s a dragon!...” You voiced your realization, at a loss.

Slowly, Genji kneeled down and turned to your son, voice calm and amused (or trying to, you noticed).

“(S/n)? There is nothing to fear. It’s a friend!”

“B-But it’s scary daddy! I’m scared!” Genji chuckled lightly and pulled his son closer with an arm around his shoulder. He moved the boy to his side.

“It’s scary so it can keep real monsters away, but it won’t hurt you, ever! Want to see?”

Before your son could protest, Genji stretched his free arm and a green light swirled down it before his own dragon took form, detailed and elegant unlike the other. Your son glued himself to Genji, eyes wary of the unknown creature, as it smoothly circled around them. The dragon brushed against Genji’s cheek in a sort of hello, before it floated over to you and curled itself around your neck like a scarf. You gladly accepted the cuddle.

“It’s okay, (S/n).” You approached them and kneeled as well. “There is no reason to be afraid!” You petted the dragon on your shoulder, and its purring stopped you son’s sobbing. The young boy kept his eyes on the dragon, curiosity taking over fear as he saw the ferocious beast turn into a noodle shaped cat at your ministrations. Genji then called his attention.

“Why don’t you call it?” He suggested, pointing at the yellow dragon.

Said dragon was now upside down and struggling to get itself upright, reminding you of a turtle, flailing with no success. Noticing the attention on it, the dragon stopped for a moment and stared at its master.

Still shaking, your son allowed Genji to lift his arm.

“Call it.” Your son shook his head and tried to step back, but you put your hands on his shoulders, reassuring him.

“Mommy and daddy are here for you. It won’t hurt you; we won’t let it.” You said. He looked at both his parents, received a nod from Genji, and puffed out his chest, ready to face the beast head on. Genji’s free hand reached out to you and you held it, fingers intertwined, shaking.

“H-Hey!”

The yellow dragon perked up, and slowly turned itself upright, still staring at its master. It then started to approach slowly, its shape getting slightly more defined as it got closer. When it was just a few inches away from the boy’s raised hand., it stopped. Genji squeezed your hand, waiting...

And finally, shaking, your son reached out, petting the yellow dragon’s head. Its eyes closed, content and purring, and nudged the small hand asking for more. Finally, your son giggled, fear of the dragon fully gone, and both you and Genji let out a sigh of relief. You leaned into him and lightly nuzzled his neck, the boy’s giggles making your hearts jump in happiness.

“…Do you think I can do it? Teach him?...” You hear Genji whisper. You turned his head to look at you and gave his brown eyes a look full of love and pride.

“I’m here, Genji. We made it so far, and we’ll keep doing fine, together.” As if confirming, Genji’s dragon huffed before vanishing back into its master. Genji smiled, pulled you close and you both watched your son and its new companion.

“Of course…Together, the five of us...”