#I am great at making friends
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Last night I threw a Halloween party and only one person (ok granted out of like 9) showed up. I yearn for the cold embrace of eternal slumber to aid me in forgetting this sad pathetic weekend
#I yearn for death#I yearn for the cold embrace of eternal slumber#that’s my Moto#or catchphrase if you will#im so happy and fulfilled#I am great at making friends#all spiders within a 50m radius of me will die instantly#these are my three affirmations#oh and that my immune system will be as strong as Putin’s ego#ya gorl doesn’t wanna get sick#if she misses one more class she fails her courses ahahahahahahahaaaa#in her defense she has a broken elbow
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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wolfpack. aka: if not friend, then why friend-shaped?
"Hey-- uh, Danny?" There's an almost imperceptible tremor in Tucker's voice.
Danny doesn't look up from what he's doing, his pencil scritching across his notebook as he tries to do another quadratic formula question. "Hm."
"What's -- uh -- what's with the dogs?"
He looks up now, and finally sees where Tucker is -- standing in the doorway of his room with an ashy look on his face and a skewed, nervous smile. He's got a white knuckle grip on the doorknob. Sam is wide-eyed behind him, and using him as a partial meat-shield.
Danny looks down to the two giant ghost wolves sprawled next to him lazily. One large green one with his head in Danny's lap, letting him use him as a prop-up for his notebook. Another equally large black one splayed against his hip, sleeping on her side with her head tilted inward to his calf.
Automatically, a grin tilts across Danny's face, and he lifts his notebook up to scratch behind the green one's ears. He opens a lazy eye, one that is bloody red with a ring of yellow around the pupil, before slipping it shut and leaning his head into Danny's touch. "This is Sirius and Procyon," he says, and reaches down to scratch Sirius' belly. "And they're not dogs, they're wolves."
"Great," Tucker says, his voice suddenly much smaller and faint, "Love that distinction."
Sirius makes a great big groan, and Danny's grin widens, his heart swelling with fondness. His hand slips away from her belly, and before he can put his notebook back down, Procyon pushes his head up his lap until his ear is against his stomach, demanding pets now too.
Sam peeks her head up from over Tucker's shoulder, "I think what Tucker's asking here is what are they doing here, Danny."
He shrugs, scratching under Procyon's chin. "They kinda just showed up. I tried sending them back to the Zone, but they keep returning." And they were weirdly intent on just following him around, which is the only reason he gave up on returning them. They weren't causing trouble, and they knew how to hide around the living. Plus, he just loves dogs. "So now I have two wolves living with me."
This, oddly enough, did not do anything to calm Sam and Tucker down. Tucker's mouth purses into a thin line, and he presses the sides of his palms to his lips in prayer. "How have your parents not found out about this?"
Danny wordlessly raises his hand, and his sleeve slides down to reveal a thin chain bracelet hooked around his wrist. He whistles sharply, and both Procyon and Sirius jerk their heads up to look at him, ears pricked up and eyes alert.
Silently, he points to his wrist and rattles it twice, and in unison both wolves stand up and pounce. Instantly, they turn into a respective, opaque black and green mist that swirls around the bracelet and forms into two, flat wolf charms.
Both wolves are posing in the stereotypical wolf howl, with little stars indented on the sides. Procyon's charm has the Canis Minor constellation engraved on it, while Sirius has the Canis Major.
Danny faces Sam and Tucker, and points at his wrist. "Like this."
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#danny phantom#danny fenton#dp prompt#dpxdc prompt#dpxdc crossover#danny phantom au#dpxdc au#i am SO tempted to make this a danyal al ghul au for no other reason than I love Danyal Al Ghul <33 he is the most blorbo ever#wolfpack au#tagged dpxdc bc i think yall could have fun with this idea.#plus this was inspired by a clone^2 commission that i just got the finished piece for today. which i'll prolly share if anyone's interested#just no thoughts head empty danny with a mini wolfpack :] Sirius and Procyon are very protective of him. they wuuuuuv him.#my idea (kinda) is that they're actually straight up *danny's* wolves. like. they were made when he was. they're not random ghost wolves#that decided to imprint on this random ghost child. they're danny's. they're like. familiars. the fact that wolves symbolize power. loyalty#guardianship and the fact that they're described as 'extremely intuitive with a near supernatural instinct that can detect danger'#(all of which can apply to danny) was coincidental. but yeah. they formed in the ghost zone and when they didn't find their boy they went#searching for him. which is why he didn't have them right away. but also if anyone wants to take this they can interpret however they like#also like. the fact that danny canonically is friends with a wolf person (Wulf) and befriended Cujo instantly -- who is shown to be hostile#to anyone NOT danny -- makes me think that dogs just REALLY really like him. he's like. an animal whisperer. which i think is really funny#bc i think it'd drive sam -- resident animal activist -- up a wall. just a little bit. like yes its great that these animals love danny sm!#but also!!! she!! look her way pls. she loves you animals sm. she's vegetarian!! she's just a little envious. just a tad.#just mmm the mental image of Sirius and Procyon stalking out of Danny's shadow with deep rumbling growls. their hackles raised and their#muzzles scrunched up to reveal dangerously sharp gleaming teeth. they're protecting their boy.
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hey gale. gale.
halaster? the halaster? halaster fucking blackcloak?
you not only personally know halaster blackcloak --
you chose HIM --
-- as your CAT SITTER??
#he's probably not the worst person in waterdeep but like?? could you not find someone else??#i know you said you have basically zero friends but could you not ask. idk. your mom???#how did that even go down.#fucked up dungeon monsters trying in vain to kill his mirror image projection while it asks for an audience with halaster#“Good evening! I am here on behalf of the esteemed Gale of Waterdeep. He wishes to ask you a favor of great importance--”#does halaster like. owe gale. did gale cash in an IOU#gale your decision making skills are unprecedented. how many fucked up wizards do you know#bg3#gale dekarios
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Adding To or Starting a Garden
AKA, the beginning of the Plants-Related section of this series.
This is my third post in a series I’ll be making on how to increase biodiversity on a budget! I’m not an expert--just an enthusiast--but I hope something you find here helps!
Got an area of lawn you’d like to convert to a wildlife haven? An area you can stick some hanging baskets in? Want to know how your garden of tomatoes and zucchinis is already putting in a lot of work? This is the section for you!
It would be dumb of me to not acknowledge that the act of gardening can come with a lot of costs. Buying seeds, buying plants, buying soil, raised bed materials, mulch, etc. … it can all get a bit daunting, let’s be honest! But there’s quite a few ways to get seeds and plants for free or extremely cheap, which I’ll be addressing in this section! The next section will be all about addressing the other Costs in gardening and how to mitigate or eliminate them entirely.
Also, do keep in mind; there’s no need to try and convert a whole area from lawn to garden or unused to garden at once. In fact, it could actually be extremely beneficial to do it a little at a time--maybe four or five square feet to start out.
Front Lawn (or Managing Principles)
If you live in a place where you’re required to have a grass turf lawn (HOA’s come to mind…), try replacing it with native grasses instead! You could even possibly use a low-growing ground cover plant like clover to a similar effect! Reseeding/replacing an entire lawn can be a big upfront cost, but even just letting the lawn be a little messy and tall helps. If the lawn gets patchy, leave the bare spots for a little while and something different will likely pop up! Pioneer species will fill the gaps and provide benefits to other plants around them, support animals, and more! If you want to take the guesswork out of it, you could always research what the pioneer species are in your area and plant the ones you like most.
Obtaining Seeds for Cheap or Free
The cheapest way to start a garden is by far via seeds. However, seeds can be a bit complicated to grow, and some sources make them… way overpriced. Fortunately there are ways to get seeds for little to no cost!
Some places sell seeds for as low as a dollar, 50 cents, or 25 cents! The packets may not have a lot of seeds, but it’s definitely a good start for a low budget! I’ve personally bought cheap seed packets at Walmart--the Ferry-Morse and Burpee brands are not what we’re looking for here. Typically the cheaper ones I’ve found are American Seed (which is owned by Green Garden Products, which also owns Ferry-Morse, Livingston Seed, McKenzie Seed, and Seeds of Change. Do with that information what you will), but they’re rarely stocked near the Ferry-Morse ones in the Formal Gardening Section. I’ve most often found them on end caps near the gardening section, so you may have to weave through a few aisles to find them, but once you do there’s an array of flower and vegetable seeds to select from! Alternatively, I’ve found seeds at Dollar Tree sold 2 or 4 for a dollar in Spring as part of their seasonal product; however, when they’re out of stock, they’re typically out of stock for the year. Try to check them out early in the year!
Otherwise, other seed companies like Urban Farmer or Botanical Interests will often have semi-frequent sales in spring and fall, when people are stocking up on seeds--joining their email lists can help you be the first to know when a good sale is going on!
Some foods from grocery stores will provide seeds that you can use in the garden as well. I’ve had the most luck with store-bought bagged beans, peppers, and tomatoes. Some people have had luck with watermelons, apples, citrus, squash, and more. Do keep in mind that you likely won’t get the same variety of fruit/vegetable as the one you bought--the resulting plant may look different and taste different.
Give it a shot! Pick some beans you like--if they don't grow well, at least you can eat the rest!
If you live in the US, food-producing live plants, bare roots, and seeds can often be purchased with SNAP benefits. But what does growing fruits, veggies, and herbs have to do with boosting biodiversity? While food crops aren’t typically native, they still provide valuable shelter for native insects. Some plants even have intricate relationships with native fauna--like the squash bee, a solitary bee which exclusively pollinates cucurbits like pumpkins, squash, and zucchini. And we get to benefit more directly as well! If you’re planting a diverse range of foods in your garden (as opposed to the swaths of single-plant farms that typically produce what’s sent to grocery stores), you’re supporting high levels of biodiversity by providing a variety of plants for creatures to live and hunt around.
Most of the time, when we think of boosting biodiversity with a garden, we think of a colorful flower garden teeming with pollinator species. However, if we’re striving to use native species, it can be a bit difficult to find some species in stores. I can say from experience that trying to find any wildflower seeds other than butterfly weed, purple coneflowers, and black-eyed-susans is… challenging, if you limit yourself to stores like Walmart, Home Depot, and Lowe’s. You might occasionally get lucky with an ACE Hardware or a local nursery, but even then sometimes it can be hard to track down who in your area is selling what--let alone if you live in an area where no one really is selling native plants or their seeds. Not to mention, even once you find a local or online store selling the seeds you want, they can sometimes cost a pretty penny. So what do you do?
If you have the option to, consider gathering native seeds yourself! Get good at identifying the native flora and fauna--or at least, a few target plants and their lookalikes--and get ready to go! Learn where they tend to grow, when they’ll be seeding, etc. Try to identify the plant before it goes to seed (for most plants, it's easiest to identify when flowering), then check back regularly to gather seeds. Typically, if I want to learn how to collect seed from a specific plant, I just search it on Google or YouTube--oftentimes, I'm lead to the GrowItBuildIt Youtube page, so it may be a helpful resource for you as well! Of course, make sure to leave plenty of seed behind so the wild population can repopulate, and seed can feed other creatures in the area. A good rule of thumb is to take no more than 1/3rd of what's available.
Buying seed in bulk is an option if you can afford the upfront cost. Try teaming up with a few friends to buy some bulk seeds and split them amongst yourselves--you’ll get tons of seed! Prairie Moon is a popular site that'll sell seeds by the pound if you can afford the price--though they're in the US, and I believe they focus on Midwest and East Coast natives.
If you want to cheat the system, don’t buy bulk sunflower seeds--buy bags of sunflower seeds being sold as birdseed. They’re typically all black oil sunflower seeds, but they’ll sprout, and they’re fairly cheap for the amount you get!
However, beware generic wildflower seed mixes! Many brands like to sell wildflower seed mixes in big box stores like Home Depot, Target, or even Dollar Tree, but they’ll often include flowers that aren’t native or possibly even invasive in your region! Before you make any purchases, double check to make sure the contained seeds won’t do more harm than good! A quality source of native seeds will provide English and Latin names for all seeds included, and will be native to the region or at least non-invasive.
See this? I don't trust this.
There’s a good handful of programs online that’ll send you free seeds if you’re planning to start a native habitat project! Poke around online and see what you can find; you might get lucky! The best time to start looking for these is fall and winter, I find--by early spring, many of them are either done or beginning to wind down... though some also start up in spring. Ultimately--just check regularly! You never know what you can find!
Other Ways to Get Plants
Don’t want to start from seed? That’s fair! You can try cuttings! Just be sure not to take too much of the plant while you do so. Make sure you’ve gotten a few leaf nodes on your cutting, and cut any flowers you may have gotten. Make sure to leave some blooms and foliage on the original plant for the creatures in the current habitat--you don’t want to destroy one habitat to make another in your garden. There’s tons of methods of rooting cuttings, many of which have different efficacy rates for different plants, but that’s a topic for another post.
If you find seedlings growing in a place where they won’t be able to sustain themselves long-term, or are in danger of being destroyed, consider relocating them! You may be able to gently dig up and transplant the seedling to your garden. Don’t do this if they’re in a place where they can easily survive--ideally, you’ll be taking plants from sidewalk cracks, heavily maintained public gardens, roadsides, etc. Do be careful while doing this--ensure your safety first!
You’re totally allowed to join gardening communities like clubs, facebook groups, and more before you’ve even put a trowel to the dirt. These are great places to learn information and advice! Many gardeners are more than happy to help out a new gardener, and will eagerly provide seeds, cuttings, or even baby plants! Talk to some people about your gardening journey and what you’re hoping to do, and you just might find some kindred spirits--or at least get more people interested in the topic!
Seed and plant giveaways and trades happen all the time in gardening clubs, as well as online! Just poke around and see what you can find! Some are explicitly trades, meaning you’re expected to send something in return, but once you get your feet on the ground with some plant knowledge you’ll be stellar! You may be able to explain you’re just starting out, and someone may send you seeds without expecting a trade, but I’d suggest trying giveaways first.
Poke around online and see if there’s a local chapter of your state’s native plant society. From there, you’ll likely be able to find a calendar of events--many of them will host plant sales in the spring, with a bunch of native plant seedlings ripe for the pickings if you can make it out and have some money to spare! Fair warning, though, you’ll want to get there early if you can. If they say they’re starting at 10, try to get there by 9:45. Year after year, there’s always record turnout, and they sell out of plants faster than ever. Just trust me on this. I’ve been let down; hopefully you won’t have to be.
Some libraries are beginning to host seed libraries! Check around and see if your library has one! Ideally, the system works best if you also have seeds to contribute in return, but if you’re just starting out I’m sure they won’t mind you taking some seeds! Just consider saving some seeds to contribute in the future and pay it forward. If your library doesn’t have a seed library? Consider asking if they’d be willing to start one! Community interest is a great way to get the ball rolling on projects like these, but they’ll only know the community is interested if the community tells them they’re interested!
Volunteer to Garden for/with Someone Else
Maybe someone in your area wants to garden, but is struggling to find the time/energy. Many elderly people who used to garden simply can’t anymore but still would like a garden. Other people may love to have a helping hand in their garden. You might even find a few people in your area interested in renting and sharing a community garden plot with others, so they don't have to handle it all on their own! They may be interested in increasing biodiversity right now, or may be willing to if it’s brought up to them. You might be just the kind of person someone needs! Since it won't be your garden, you’ll likely need a bit of permission and collaboration to get anything in particular going, but it’s worth a shot and a way to maybe even make friends!
Again, your mileage may vary with some of these. You may not know where there's a bunch of wildflowers growing in your area, or maybe your local library doesn't have a free seed library. That's okay! Do what you're able to, find what you can find, get what you can get! And there's never any shame with starting small--in fact, starting small can make the project easier to manage and expand when you're able!
That's the end of this post! My next post is gonna be about ways to start growing plants cheaply--low cost seed starting set ups, essentially. There's a lot of good options, many of which I've used myself even! Until then, I hope this advice is helpful! Feel free to reply with any questions, success stories, or anything you think I may have forgotten to add in!
#biodiversity#solarpunk#gardening#outdoor gardening#growing from seed#ani rambles#out of queue#the biodiversity saga#i will be honest I have never flat out approached people to offer to help them garden#HOWEVER. People HAVE approached ME asking ME to help THEM with/plan THEIR garden#granted it was after I'd been gardening for a good few years. and its mostly family or family friends but yknow#people would be like 'oh wanna help me with my veggie garden?' even before I tried growing vegetables#i don't think the library near me has a seed library but you just wait until i. get the courage. to go to the library regularly.#i've seen people also make their own little seed library structures kinda like a little free library but like#i dont think my neighborhood is about that life.#if any of yall have those though it could be a great resource! also send pics because I love seeing them#not to say that this post should become a giant seed trade but if it did become that i would be the opposite of mad#if there's any typos blame my sister shes got the hotel room at like 60-something degrees and I am FREEZING#welp time to shut up now bye
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hi!!!! thank you @summercampghostie @im-the-son-of-rage-and-lov3 and @biromanticboba for the tag! i'm making a new thread so i could respond to everyone at once. i love this picrew so it was really fun to do again with the changes in my look hehe
it's supposed to be what you look like vs what you would want to look like, but if i'm being completely honest, i've just been really happy with how i look lately so i only did that version :))))
EDITING TO ADD THE LINK LMAO HERE YOU GO
np tags 🪄 @spectral-mycoblin @starry-eyed-darling @trips-around-the-sun @mack-anthology-mp3 and ofc anyone else who wants to join!! love you all <3
#boink#picrew#im so happy i cut my hair haha#ive also been letting myself do fun makeup things#like i sort of have a new routine of lipstick + eyeliner for a darker color#and then just lipstick for eyeshadow and blush#and smudged eyeliner and spidery mascara lashes#i am a huge fan of doing this#in addition not doing makeup that will make me more conventionally attractive#like the goal is not to look as if i am not wearing makeup#its to have fun with it#we're feeling vampire#we're feeling gothic spring#im also not making my face all matte lol#ive always been so insecure that my face is too oily or too shiny or whatever the hell people are made to feel insecure about#and i have decided that actually that does not matter#and my face is going to look like what it fucking looks like#its a great time#ive been having more fun with clothes too honestly#im really trying to lean into this whole gothic floral thing you know#lololllllll#anyway#thank you tags for beingy happy ramble space as always#go forth and picrew my friends
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*poke poke*
*nudge*
You wanna guerrilla garden some swamp milkweed around a retention pond so bad.
#solarpunk#guerrilla gardening#gardening#guerilla gardening#out of queue#ani rambles#me cataloguing seeds:#bot. interests seed packet: swamp milkweed grows great around ponds!#me: swamp milkweed grows great around ponds.... retention ponds.....?#i don't have the balls to do it rn because all the nearest retention ponds i can think of are like#either by highways or fenced in#but if someone has the courage and ability to do so. this is me giving out the idea.#i am in the 'retention ponds need some fuckin COLOR' camp#BEAUTIFY THAT THANG#i mean. I have so many packets of swamp milkweed seeds its unreal.#hypothetically if i were to obtain some clay.... i already have worm castings.... i just need to be able to make seed bombs....#maybe get a friend to be my accomplice and drive me around as i yeeteth deleteth
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I finished posting the unabashedly educational Sword Fic.
It includes a detailed (but hopefully beginner-friendly) explanation of all the steps of making a Nichirin blade from a sunny mountain like Mt. Youkou, a touch of swordsmith and metalworker folk lore (including demons), meta about what must make Kimetsu no Yaiba's swordsmithing methods different from real life methods, some character exploration for Haganezuka and his polishing method, vocabulary and additional resources in the chapter notes, and hopefully, an endearing, silly POV character to learn this all through.
#my fics#SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS#would you like a story about the years of background of this fic?#I was not very well-versed in metallurgy until recent years but my study of the Japanese language goes back to#well#longer than some of you may have been around#I always liked samurai and swords for the aesthetic but started to take more of an interest when I lived in Shimane#and on a day when I had a friend taking me around to rural sites associated with a legendary monster she was like#let's go see the sword museum while you're out here#but that museum was closed (it comes back into this story though)#so we went to a different one that no longer exists but that was my first encounter with how much work it takes to make the sword ore#fast forward years later#I am writing this blog and it becomes known as a fun place to read about Japanese culture as seen in KnY (thanks glad you enjoy)#I decide that I must tell people how hard it is to make the ore and finally visit that main museum on a trip back to Shimane#I collect material and struggle to do more research and wrap my head around it#and I write the first version of Teppi's story that focused mostly on the smelting and glazed over the forging and polishing and stuff#meanwhile I am in a job situation I have already long since wanted out of and soon I want out a lot more desperately#job searches were disheartening but then I found THE ONE I WANTED#and on that first interview when I was already like PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#they asked if there's a Japanese cultural topic I could suddenly explain in great detail if asked#and without mentioning this blog I said I had recently written up something for fun about tatara smelting methods (and they forgot this)#fast forward again and I very happily got the job and was very nervous as I got the rundown on a very large annual nerd project#and when they announced the topics for that year I saw that tatara smelting methods in the region I knew them from was on the list#and I was like#asudyaiusdyuasdyuahduahduhsdhuPLEASE GIVE ME THAT#and i got it and when I went out there for research people were like#...why do you know all this...???????#and since I dared not mention my KnY blog I was like#...I lived in Shimane...#it seems I broke the tags because the rest of the story got cut off but hi yes you get the idea
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Oh my GOD I've fallen down the rabbit hole of your glorious skywalkers apart AU and quite apart from being ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED, I have to know if my boy Cal is around in it?!
yes but i never really developed it!! ok we all know i'm never gonna finish that comic script i'll just tell u guys -- in said script, after leia and anakin free Padme, they find out Luke was taken somewhere else which, after a family recon mission, they find is FORTRESS GODDAMN INQUISITORIUS! (which they assume is bc luke tried to use the force to stop the initial arrest, big mistake huge)
anyway all this to say cal's involvement was a tiny-mentioned cameo to explain why anakin knew how to infiltrate nur (the exact line i wrote in the never-finished-script was "we met this jedi survivor a few years back" + comments abt said survivor inflitrating nur 10 years ago yes it was that unsubtle) -- the idea was they had run into one another on a short mission in the past and then gone their separate ways!
#maybe will work out what actually happens one day!! however i am wary of making the galaxy seem to small by making everyone meet lmap#skywalkers apart au#tbh the inquisitorius bit was fun/great it had 1. leia ignoring orders to help her parents#2. anakin messing starkiller up BAD (ie robo-prosthetics bad) to save his family#and 3. anakin recreating the rogue one hallway scene but blue lightsaber/ good guy#BTW LUKE WASN'T LIKE. TORTURED OR ANYTHING just captured (the goal was kill anakin w the bait secure THEN inquisify luke)#and traumatised as hell (yay i can draw that now i've fully given up the dumbass secrecy i had)#btw in sw apart au!jfo the final fight has the grand inquisitor & friends not starkiller#thanks for the ask!
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I am so so so happy with my patreon merch designs for August...
I seriously love getting to design things every month and send them out...
You can get these stickers if you sign up for one of my merch tiers before the month is over!
#sorry I have to self promo sometimes#I promised my friends I would#but also. I legitimately just extremely like these stickers so much#I might make these designs available for sale eventually (normal style)#and I also want to do more designs in this kind of general aesthetic...#its. I really like it hahahahhahaha#and I like how these came out a ton#so I think I wanna do some more like this! at least for a bit#anyways yeah if you like these then you can get them as a patron#but also just my merch tier is my favorite patreion thing and I love getting to design and ship stuff out every month. its so wonderful..#MY FAVORITE THING.... DESIGNING MERCH...#great way to support me while getting something out of it lmao#I mean you can also just look at my patreon in general#I wish sooo fucking bad I could post updates early there but it's against my contract#so. just previews for now...#next comic for sure though.#stickers#patreon#self promo#ugh I am just so happy with these....
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I'm just sayin. Rose knew exactly what the fuck she was doing when she guilted Jack into joining that dinner. She fucking knew what she was doing
#jack and joker#jack and joker u steal my heart#jack and joker the series#jack and joker series#rose likes the version of jack she invented in her head#she likes the jack that needs her to save him the way he saved her#she doesn't actually like jack#because if she did then instead of making that horrendously manipulative call#she would have cancelled her dinner secretly and let jack have dinner with his friends and family#she doesn't even have the excuse of not knowing because jack fucking told her#i am just so tired of rose#like cmon girl. i don't want your fake savior bullshit#that being said i think rose is a great character. i wish she was the representation of the class divide#instead of all of the incredibly on the nose classism commentary scenes#but that's all i'll say about that#because i am enjoying the show a whole bunch#but rose? yeah she can fuck off now. because seriously. what did jack do that ever made her think he liked her?#show up when he's called? like girl. you know damn well jack was the price paid for the necklace. he HAS to show up when you call#i need to stop rambling now
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Hi! I just wanted to say thanks for all of your posts - especially right now - and the messages of hope you put with them. I'm having a hard time with accepting the election results and what it means, so it's nice to see the encouragement and the reminder that we will get through it all. 🙂
Big, big hugs to you. I don't want to seem like I'm being glib about any of this: it's a really hard and scary time and I understand the tendency to panic. My stomach was in knots all last night, to the point I felt like I was going to throw up! I literally emptied out a trash can to put by my bed, just in case my stomach couldn't cope with the stress!
It's A Lot to cope with. Especially after the insanity and stress we've all experienced since the start of the pandemic. We're all exhausted and sad and burned out. Believe me, I know.
But I do believe that we can and will get through this. Obviously, none of us wanted to be called upon to live through this type of Major Historical Event. But we will not be the first set of people (nor the last) to face this kind of thing in their lifetime.
Famines and natural disasters happen. Unpleasant and malicious political regimes rise and fall. Plagues sweep through the land. It's part of how the world works. Nothing is ever perfect. We have always inhabited a flawed world and a flawed society.
But humans are, broadly speaking, really good at surviving things and a sense of community is our superpower. We can (and will) take care of each other. Humans can be awful, but we can also be so very wonderful.
And when I manage to persuade myself to step outside my bubble of human-centric concerns, I'm blown away by the sheer beauty and wonder of the world we get to live in. Even though it's flawed and imperfect, it's so lovely. It's downright magical sometimes.
I was opening a pomegranate the other day and just marveling at the seeds. How beautiful it is! And how lucky I am to get to be here, eating these sweet juicy seeds! How lucky I am to toss a small handful of seeds to the birds in my backyard, and watch them gobble down their food before fluttering up into the trees!
How lucky I am to send a photo of my pomegranate seeds to friends, and receive in return a picture of their dog, or their garden, or their new throw pillows! How lucky I was last night, in the midst of all my anxiety, to get to go outside as see a really spectacular sunset and share it with my loved ones!
We have a beautiful world full of beautiful creatures. We have so many fellow humans who see this beauty and want to protect it and share it with one another. We must not lose sight of that. Things are still good, and we will continue to take care of each other in the days ahead. 💖
#one of the great things about reaching the place i've reached in my life#is that i no longer care one bit about being Corny On Main#yes! the world is beautiful! even in spite of the horrors!#yes! i find real authentic joy in watching the birds outside my window!#yes! i unironically marvel at a beautiful piece of fruit!#yes! i love my friends and the members of my community with my whole heart and i believe love is going to carry us through!#i am no longer interested in edgy youthful cynicism or doomerism#we will love fully and crawl toward joy and that WILL make a difference in this world#positivity#hopepunk#cicer rambles
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Most normal energy drink consumer
#new tags time yippee#cj updates#so there's some old-ish tags here lol#i had this saved for a while actually. just didnt know if i wanted to post goofs yet#old tags:#i will say i personally cannot make fun of him for that#as i was [still am even] overly invested in drinking mnt dew#they used to sell a full liter mnt dew bottle for like a dollar at the stores near me & id take one to school a lot an drink the whole thin#[Sometimes id be able to get a whole 2 liter. Tho I couldn't drink the whole thing during the day [mainly just to save it for later rlly]]#which i would then have after the can id get every morning.....#im better now i swear#tho it was always very funny when i had a class with a friend where id slowly pull the very long bottle out from my bag#the face they would make is always so funny to me still#so i have a feeling i know *exactly* what face his teacher made#either like a mix of astonishment & confusion or its just disappointment#a “why are you like this” typea look#its great#however his story is still horrifying#i drink monster a bit & like one can is enough for me for a day [if i can finish it even]#maybe if i clutched onto that instead of mnt dew during school years id be just like him then#im in the good timeline thank god#rant over lol my bad
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swiftie gift exchange for @catastrxblues
#yeah if anyone saw this before no they didnt i deleted the og post by mistake#anyway nadine!!!! hi omg it was such a pleasure to talk to you to get to know you and talk with you#when you told me that you're current favourite songs were champagne problems and lacy ik i had to make a parallel for them#unlucky for you that means gifs (i am the worst at them so apoligies for the quality ad everything in between)#in my mind i also viewed lacy as the other girl the champagne problems boy married and lacy being a part of the evergreen friends group saw#champagne girl as an insecurity she might have gotten the ring but she could never beat the first love and option#while the champagne girl would be happy but deeply jealous of lacy and that's on GIRLHOOD#you didnt ask for the story and i am rambling sorry but yeah that was the vision for the edit anyways i hope you have great day ahead :) <3#taylor swift#olivia rodrigo#lacy#champagne problems#SwiftieGiftExchange2024#tsusermels#tsuserjen
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hey y’all!
so i’ve been considering this a lot in the past few weeks, and figured i’d make an official post so you all know i’m alive and what not since i have been very much inactive as of recently.
i’m taking a break.
not forever! not because of anything in the fandom! this break is solely due to personal life reasons and the fact i just can’t be as active on here right now between my jobs and personal affairs. and it also won’t be long — i’m going to be off here probably through the end of november. if i have the time/mental capacity to come back before then, i absolutely will 🖤 but right now, tumblr isn’t something that fits easily within my days and also, writing for my fics hasn’t been something i can easily do not due to lack of inspiration but lack of time.
again, this is just due to my own personal life currently. nothing happened in the fandom that motivated this decision (i honestly don’t even know what’s happening on here currently solely because i haven’t had the time to scroll lol) and it’s very much not permanent, and will HOPEFULLY be very short. like i said, until the end of november. i’ll still be writing in my free time, and my hope is to be able to update fics once i’m back and worse better than ever! 🖤
see y’all in december <3
#in the great words of miss swift — it’s been a long time coming#idk if i’ll be around to check my inbox either 😭#if you have my discord i’ll still be active there no worries haha#i can’t wait to come back and see what y’all have been up to it’ll be fun#also my queue is officially empty after today so like genuinely there won’t be any posts sorry everyone#putting me first 🫡#saying that feels ridiculous#THIS ALL FEELS VERY DRAMATIC i’ve just got a lot of antsy anons recently#is antsy the word? anxious? idk#see y’all on the other side though my friends#and if i need longer than the rest of this month i’ll make another post#life am i right?
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being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me
#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can#even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for#but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it#but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot#even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to#or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human#and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have#if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person#but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless#maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean#it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it#and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things#but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me#that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor#and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know#i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness#and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk#talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo#and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else#even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get#in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao#anyway whatever 😔
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