#I am going to have so many conspiracy theories about this dude

[y-rhywbeth2]

Somehow I accidentally deleted this??

Paladin thoughts:

As usual 'core lore does not always match the lore of specific settings': Core 5e paladins are technically the crusader class rebranded as far as I can see, but paladins in the Realms are still the servants of deities. Which makes sense, the Realms has always been pretty damn consistent that divine magic (cleric, ranger, druid, paladin, other vaguer classes) always comes from a deity. Even if you think you're getting it from conviction, or abstract philosophy, or a deity who has no power in Realmspace, or whatever, it's still supposed to be a Torilian deity humouring you and handing you power without you realising it, which they can take away at a whim/when you're no longer useful. Arcane power of course, requires the Weave, so Mystra. You got it from some other power? Should still need the Weave to function on Toril. Shadow Weave? Shar. There's not really a whole lot of ways out of this. And the description in the SCAG still has them as virtuous LG types by design intent. (Despite that virtuous description, considering crusaders have also existed in the Realms, having the likes of an oath of conquest Banite paladin still makes perfect sense to me.) I mean, BG3 did have deity options, not sure why they were removed.

Crusaders were the warrior priests. Due to the zeal they embodied you could be any alignment except the wishy-washy True Neutral, Neutral Evil or Neutral Good: Embrace a principle and grip it in white-knuckled hands held steady with black and white worldviews, or get out. As with all priests of the Realms, they had to have a deity.

'Oathbreaker' is basically the 5e term for a Blackguard, the evil knight counterpart to the shiny champion of good that is the paladin, serving the forces of evil in making the universe worse. Rather than deities of good (and some neutrals), blackguards get their power from devils and demons (although I'm sure evil deities serve just as well). You didn't have to be a fallen paladin to be a blackguard, but you did get shiny extra powers if you had paladin levels.

Breaking your oath ('falling') does not automatically make you a blackguard/oathbreaker, it just strips you of the power you'd been given. Much like a cleric, you just became a regular fighter (+whatever other classes you have). Switching to blackguard/oathbreaker requires you to be a douchebag and for a new evil patron to adopt you (which could happen via you seeking them out, or, theoretically, them doing it of their own free will), or else you're just a fighter or something now.

'An Oathbreaker is a paladin who breaks his or her sacred oaths to pursue some dark ambition or serve an evil power. Whatever light burned in the paladin's heart has been extinguished. Only darkness remains. 'A paladin must be evil and at least 3rd level to become an Oathbreaker.'- Dungeon Master's Guide

So, Minthara, who do we think is lending you those oathbreaker abilities? ...It's probably still Lolth, isn't it? Who knows about anyone else... Have I finally found my secret Cyricist option?

Anyway, much like Withers, most other deities, devils and, to a degree, Elminster, probably don't trust this guy:

Oathbreaker Knight: I have been waiting for you. I felt the moment of your liberation - the shedding of your bond. You called to me. I am here to show you the way. [...] I was the first. The first to swear. The first to fall. When another's oath is broken, I stand witness. I hear their sorrow. I see their jubilation. I guide their hand.

[pheonixkenny]

How do you think other characters would react if they found out about Kenny’s immortality? I kinda go back and forth on this. I have many different ideas on how they’d react depending on how I’m feeling or information I have or w/e. I’m not sure how they would react canonically but I have some of my own ideas. (Ideas listed under the cut.)

Kyle: Given that he was the only one to give him the benefit of the doubt when Kenny mentioned it in “Coon Vs Coon and Friends.” (“Ok, let’s say you’re not crazy and it’s true.”) He would be one of the best at handling it. He does still think it’s kinda cool, but he knows better now than to tell Kenny that. He’s the one who asks him the most questions. (Like, “What’s it like to die? What’s the afterlife like? Do you think you’ll live forever?, etc.) He does feel kinda guilty for not knowing/believing him earlier, thinking he’s a bad friend. He enters big brother protection mode (previously reserved for Ike) around Kenny afterwards to try and keep him from dying so much. Kenny cycles back and forth between being flattered and annoyed about this. He also becomes determined to break Kenny’s curse, researching everything he can about the cult of cthulhu and immortality. The guy has a full on conspiracy board about this within a week.

Cartman: I know a lot of people have the theory that he already knows, it’s a solid theory that holds up logically but I don’t personally believe it because Cartman would absolutely take advantage of Kenny’s little power for his own gain. Anyone else who finds out about it tries to keep it from Cartman for this very reason.

Butters: Butters is a sweetheart so he apologizes profusely and gives Kenny a hug when he finds out. He also hugs Kenny whenever he comes back from a death and tries to comfort him, with varying degrees of success. I also feel like Butters would just believe him without any proof. Given how many of Cartman’s schemes he’s fallen for over the years I think it’s safe to say that he’s pretty gullible. He will believe pretty much anything you tell him. It’s just in this case it happens to be true.

Tweek: I saw a headcanon on here that Tweek would also believe Kenny because, thanks to the Underpants Gnomes, he knows how frustrating it is not to be believed. I love that and am stealing it. He wouldn’t exactly handle the information well though, because that is WAY too much pressure.

Craig: Craig didn’t give a shit when fucking lasers came out of his eyes so it’s safe to say he doesn’t give a shit about this either. He’ll say a sarcastic remark about it once in a while, but that’s about it.

Stan: Hoo boy, Stan. I know that I just recently wrote a fanfiction where Stan is patient and understanding about the whole thing but I changed my mind. So, in “The Cissy” when people around him start experimenting with gender for various reasons Stan gets worried and confused. He reacts similarly during the Tweek and Craig/Yaoi situation in “Tweek x Craig”. And who could forget the time when he didn’t go visit Kenny in the hospital because he couldn’t deal with the situation? (I’m making him sound like a bad kid, he’s not, he’s just sensitive and doesn’t know how to handle some things in the best way.) So now I’m thinking that when he finds out he’ll have another Stan Marsh Existential Crisis (patent pending) and just kinda avoid Kenny for a while. That’s not a good way to handle it but he doesn’t know what else to do. He doesn’t know what to say to the guy. It feels like everything has changed between them. Kyle has to intervene and goes up to Stan like “dude, quit being an idiot and go talk to Kenny. He thinks you hate him now.” (Because I can’t imagine a world where Stan knows and Kyle doesn’t or vice versa.) And he feels bad because he never meant to give him that impression. He still likes him just as much as before, he just needed some time to process everything. So he takes Kyle’s advice and they talk things out. Kenny understands how the information can be a shock and Stan promises not to withdraw like that again when his friends need him. Eventually he gets used to it and it just becomes another quirk that one of his friends has. (Thinking of writing a fic about this scenario but, like I said, I already wrote a fic focusing on Stan and Kenny’s relationship. I should probably use one of my Kyle and Kenny fic ideas first.)

[arliedraws]

i am always so sad about the fact that it’s so important to James and Sirius’ characters that they were privileged and they used their privilege to get away with monstrous things😔 i like to write about queer people in my fics because i am queer and projection is fun, but i don’t want people to think i am a subscriber to the “sirius is queer-coded” conspiracy theory, or that i do not understand james and sirius’s characters. tis upsetting😞

(sorry that i am making random statements in your inbox you can delete if you want)

Free yourself, anon.

Who are these people whose opinion you care so much about? It’s fiction, my dude. Not everyone is going to like you or your interpretations. Some people are going to block you just as you are also allowed to dislike people and block people too.

This is literally just supposed to be fun. Lean into whatever makes you happy. Find your people who make you happy and then talk to them about weird age gaps in ships and traveling through time to have sex with their past selves. Gush about how you love how James torments others for Sirius’s amusement. Honestly, at some point, you just gotta say fuck it and, “SOMETIMES I SHIP SIRIUS WITH WOMEN” or whatever your thing is, and you’d be surprised at how many people will pipe up with, “me too!”

[ariaste]

Hello hello! If it’s all right with you, I would like to vent for a moment: Back in the day, I used to be really into BBC Sherlock. I know it was bad, but it was “Be Gay (solve) Crimes” and I couldn’t resit. One of my favorite parts of the fandom was reading fan metas. I enjoyed reading your ridiculously long meta! I am not very clever and I enjoy reading people noticing things that I can’t. It’s fun watching people passionately pick up clues and put them together.

I don’t think I’m the only one getting superwholock flashbacks lately. Sherlock also tried an unreliable narrator in S4 and it was an absolute shit show. People thought thought the finale was fake, it was so bad. TBH, the entire show was a dumpster fire that thought it was more clever than it was. Moffat was a good writer for single episodes for DW, but a garbage show runner. And they called us crazy for picking up what they were putting down.

But Good Omens gives me a spark of hope. It is unashamedly queer, fun, drinks its respecting women juice, and, unlike moffatiss, I think Neil and the crew may actually be clever enough to pull something big off. I adore the Discworld series and Sir Terry, and I have faith Neil will to do right by him.

Good Omens is restoring my faith in nerdy queer fiction and reminding me why I love fandom so much. Please keep up the crackhead theories. I love them 💕

Thank you, that's very kind!

(Ended up writing a very long reply about the response to my essay and also about queerness in media. Idk why i am writing such long posts these days SORRY LOL. Anyway I'm putting it all beneath the cut so I can tag it without clogging people's dash or the tag pages)

It does make me sigh a little when I see people scornfully comparing my long essay to The Johnlock Conspiracy or saying that they're having Sherlock flashbacks, because the both the contexts of the shows and the methodology of the theorizing are VERY different. To my mind, a more direct comparison of methodology would be the Gravity Falls fandom's "Stan Has A Secret Twin" theory. Writers and showrunners DO like being sneaky and clever from time to time, and many of them are much better at it than Moffat is.

But whether or not my theory is right or not is... kind of irrelevant to me? I wasn't out to force anyone to agree with me, AND writing it was a really fun way to spend a weekend, AND I'm proud of the work I did and the story I told, AND it felt good to have a satisfying workout at the Brain Gym. So even if I'm proven utterly and completely wrong, I won't feel like I wasted my time. :)

Good Omens is a great show, and I am SO HAPPY to see it (and other shows!) embracing queerness, sharing the fans' enthusiasm for the story, and honoring and respecting the fans' love rather than punishing them for it. As more and more time goes on, I think we're going to see more and more shows like that, because some of the people who grew up reading tumblr discourse are going to be showrunners themselves one day, and they'll have learned serious lessons about what it feels like when the audience is met with love rather than disgust and disdain. In fact, we're ALREADY seeing more shows like that than we had 10 years ago! There is so much canonical queerness on-screen these days that the me of 10-15 years ago is ASTONISHED and feels wealthy beyond counting. Of course, there is so much further to go, but man... when i was a kid, we had to walk uphill in the snow both ways just to see two dudes making sustained emotional eye contact, and we were grateful for it. (Jokes but also.... kind of real tho)

We've seen the exact same thing happen in scifi/fantasy publishing in the last seven or eight years, too! (Went off on a long tangent about Queerness In Media from an insider perspective, continuing below a cut so I don't clutter everyone's dash)

Even as recently as 2013--ten years ago--you might not have even been able to get your book published if it was openly gay. Hell, you might not have been able to get an agent to represent it, even. It would have been labeled "unmarketable" and passed over; if it DID get published, the queerness would have been camouflaged and downplayed and hidden in the marketing as much as possible--you wouldn't have known by looking at the cover that it was queer, you wouldn't have been able to tell by reading the back cover that it was queer. In literally 2016, seven years ago, a few months before I got my first book deal, I remember having a conversation with a friend and being very very worried that if I wrote books as queer as I wanted them to be, I would be "pigeonholed" as "ONLY writing Gay Books", that I would be passed over for any of the publisher's marketing budget and publicity efforts, that I would be sidelined and ignored... In 2016, I thought I was facing a choice of writing stories with more "mainstream appeal" OR writing the books I wanted to write and potentially undermining the rest of my career.

That didn't happen, thankfully, because in the next couple years there was this incredible explosion of queer scifi/fantasy. You see, ten to fifteen years ago, a truly stunning percentage of my colleagues -- writers, editors, publicists -- were writing and reading fanfic, and they carried their tastes and story-hungers with them as they grew up and got Real Adult Jobs at publishing companies. And suddenly, as if out of nowhere, a lot of us came of age all at once and there was this absolutely enormous wave of queer SFF that in my opinion has brought us into a new golden age of the genre: The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir, The Chorus of Dragons series by Jenn Lyons, She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker Chan, Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie, The Tensorate series by Neon Yang, Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon, Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki, The City in the Middle of the Night by Charlie Jane Anders, the Birdverse books by RB Lemberg, The Traitor Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickenson, The Jasmine Throne by Tasha Suri, Reforged by Seth Haddon, The Sorcerer of the Wildeeps by Kai Ashante Wilson, Ocean's Echo by Everina Maxwell, The Fifth Season by NK Jemisin -- and these only the ones I could remember off the top of my head in 30 seconds, and I have a flavor of ADHD that makes my brain go blank when people ask me to think of specific examples of things! It is harder for me to think of a SFF book published in the last 7 years that ISN'T queer.

And then almost exactly a year ago, my book A Taste of Gold and Iron came out with THIS COVER:

Which. Is not so much a step forward in openly queer SFF as it is a fucking gauntlet thrown down in challenge. I cannot impress upon you strongly enough how much I would not have gotten this cover 10 years ago, and that's if the book was even accepted for publication in the first place. This cover SCREAMS gay fantasy romance. There is no attempt to hide it or camouflage it. It is advertising exactly what it is, right up front.

I got the absolute privilege and honor of having this cover--and I do consider it an incredible honor--because of the work that all my colleagues put in with their own work. Each queer book that got published wedged the door a little wider for the next one, and then a little wider still for the next one, until finally someone could get their foot in the door and squeeze across the threshold, which opened it a little wider again. So when I look at this image, I don't just see a beautiful cover that I am delighted to have on my books--I see an entire history of slow, steady progress by so many incredible writers who risked damaging their careers just to drag us to a point where a book as gay as this one could get a cover as gay as that one and STILL get the full and enthusiastic support of both the publisher and the audience. And the most incredible honor and the most humbling privilege out of all of this is the fact that the success of this book meant that the door was wedged open another little bit, that I got to contribute in this small way to the efforts of everyone who came before me, so that ones who come after us will find the door flung wide -- or that there's no door left at all to block the way, because we've collectively torn it down.

So yes, @eyona, I think that having your faith restored little by little is a very good thing, and I am delighted that Good Omens is doing that for all of us. And what's even better is that even if Good Omens doesn't play out exactly how we want it to, that's... kind of okay? Because there is always the next one, and at the very very least, Good Omens is wedging the door open further so that the next one can have an easier time of it. We don't have to walk uphill in the snow both ways just to get a moment of emotionally charged eye contact anymore. We don't have to starve anymore, not like we used to back in the bad old days. And that alone is a wonderful thing. :D

[ohandcounting]

Oblivion Theory / Pile of Snow Theory by WandyDoodles / @wandydoodles

Oblivion Theory link

It's a good read! Go read it! It's way faster than 190 pages looks like because the font is big and plenty of pictures too. Almost like reading a comic book level of difficulty to focus, I like it a lot. My specific thoughts below the read more

I think this is potentially dead on for at least the symbolism that's going on, though it's still probable to me that there is also an "in-universe" angel. I'm also not sure if I agree with the assumption that the red soul we pilot is special beyond it being a human soul either? Like, there's no reason (YET) to believe that a different human couldn't also seal fountains just from their soul being able to float around in dark worlds like ours does. (like the Susie jail escape, Ferris wheel, literally every battle, etc.) Like, they could just be a magician like those dudes who did a big magic barrier in Deltarune.

On the ending thoughts: I was going to add that Sans' could be talking about Flowey, but...No. Flowey hasn't revealed himself to anyone except us in this timeline. How the hell would he know our type if not from something that happens in DR?! I never noticed it before! Flowey does explain other dialog, like "our reports showing timelines jumping around" and what not even if you did Geno first run/on a true reset. It's why I never thought about it before.

The proposal for The Vessel being The Knight seems very, hard to believe at first. I'm still not settled on it myself, but: The Vessel could be mistaken for Kris if they throw on a hood maybe? "There's that creepy Kris going to the library. We're used to our 1 human in town!" With a lot of characters showing a knowledge on what's going to happen (like Jevil) they might just know when to go do things already without raising suspicion. Only appearing when Kris wouldn't, and/or slipping by without people seeing. It's interesting to me that they never bothered addressing that tbh. I wonder if it's just something they couldn't explain well so rather than bringing it up, they're just hoping we explain it ourselves/wait for new chapter dialog to confirm this.

I am 100% sold on the knight not wanting to end the world though, I've been calling it the "Conspiracy Theory Theory" where the Bad Guy™ is not the Bad Guy™ but rather someone trying to make us Stronger so we can help fight The Really Bad Guy™ (like Kill La Kill kind of[the 10th anniversary was recent, so it's just the only example I can think of atm.]) It gets that ridiculous name because I believe MANY characters are in on it, including Kris themselves, Ralsei, The Red Soul, The Knight, Goner Maker Sequence Voices 1 & 2, Mystery Man, Geoff, Gaster, etc. Pretty much everyone who could be except Susie.

The save file analysis is wrong I feel? When Flowey takes over the save file, that is a veteran with literal near-godlike powers who knows how to manipulate saves. He hasn't had control for 9999:99 yet, despite what the timer shows. That info could be missing for Kris because we weren't there when it was made, what we use to see save file information shows what's missing because it literally doesn't know how long Kris has had that save nor where it was made. We get to see the name because we're in their body though. Like we see empty save files, and they're just empty. After a true reset? It's just empty, just like erasing a file in Deltarune. Kris having ANY information means something more than "just to establish you as a separate entity even harder than Undertale." Especially if the cut intro of Susie trying to wake us up is still hinting towards something like a timeloop being canon. (instead of being cut because it's not longer true)

Save file part 2 break in paragraph for easier reading: It might also be because Kris doesn't have the soul they made that save with anymore, if you're a Kris Is Toy Knife Kid Equivalent Truther like me.

It also falls for the trap of thinking what Chara says at the end of genocide is strictly a metanarrative statement, not something Chara believes will be possible. In a game where characters consistently say things that apply both in and out of universe, which I've never liked. Like Flowey after restarting the game after in TPE talking to both: 1.) us in the meta, but believes he is giving his parting words to 2.) Chara IN universe.

But like everything with depth, people are gonna make mistakes. Especially mistakes they don't think are mistakes and are much simpler answers without constant "catches" and clarifications. It's kind of like explaining King Crimson to people, where I'm the only person to do it right. (not a serious statement)

They also point to Mettaton's nebulous "Ratings" when mentioning the amount of monsters in the underground, instead of the echo flower where it's stated there's literally thousands of monsters??? This is something I see people do all the time?

[chaos0pikachu]

Hi chaos,

I don't know if you've heard of the Ohm-Nanon fans going to Nanon's concert wearing Ohm masks but it happened? (I don't know how to end that sentence.) (Sorry, English isn't my first language.)

You have written about parasocial relationships so I wanted to ask why are people still involved in Ohm-Nanon? Bad Buddy ended so long ago and they are still doing all this. What makes Ohm-Nanon so special? We haven't see such huge bad behaviour from other pair brands.

Please never ever apologize for how you sound in English which is a dumb broken language anyway lol fr you're English is great

anyways um, what in the fucking purge?? lmao sorry the masks thing is just taking me out I'm imagining it and the image in my head is giving kdrama to the max with the discord music and everything lmaoooo

I had not heard of that b/c I don't follow actors like that at all this is very much Brand New Information.gif for me whew wow

Soft disclaimer here I am not an expert behavioral science or anything related so like, anything I say in regards to this is based only on what I've read, can link to from experts in the field, and speculation.

I don't think OhmNanon are necessarily "special" tbh like this behavior is extreme but I wouldn't call it "new".

In western fandom you had or still have fans behaving like this we just call them "tinhats".

Like, take Larries for instance, Louis just spoke about it in an interview that nothing he can say will deter the conspiracies theorists so he's kinda stuck. This article from VOX is old (2016) but it features a pretty clear cut timeline of the theories, and obsession tinhats have with Larry. Even before Larry there was J2 (Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki from Supernatural):

I want to note that One Direction stopped being an active band in 2016, almost 8 years ago. And neither Harry nor Louis have been spotted like, hanging out~~ in public for almost that entire time. Meanwhile Jared and Jensen have been been married to their wives since 2010, almost 15 years.

To play fair, Caitríona Mary Balfe (best known for Outlander) is also at the root of a tinhat conspiracy with her costar Sam Heughan. Caitriona has been married since 2019.

Western fandom likes to pretend this environment of fan entitlement, and obsessing over costars relationships is an East Asian entertainment only thing. I thoroughly disagree, and I'm sure the people involved in these various tinhat conspiracies, many who have been thoroughly and ruthlessly harassed along with their spouses, family, friends, and anyone else caught in the crossfire would also disagree.

For me the only arguable difference between like MewGulf and Larry is MewGulf played up skinship as a means of capital and for work, while Louis and Harry were just two dudes in a band.

[I even watched the old school MewGulf videos of them during Peak Fanservice Era and I gotta say it's all so obviously hilarious fake and played up I would have never taken them seriously as a true blue couple. They reminded me more of Adam Lambert making out with his bassist during his FYE tour (Tommy, who from what I remember is straight but idk 100%) for the fun and rock n roll of it all.]

I'm getting off track, I don't think OhmNanon are "special" by-the-by because I've seen this entitled and obsessive behavior with other tinhat ships. The length of time doesn't really matter, what matters is sunk cost fallacy:

"the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial."

Fans have invested time, love, and literal money into Ohm and Nanon, therefore giving them up - and thus giving up the "community" they've build with other Ohm and Nanon fans - is unthinkable and painful.

Combine that with general fan entitlement towards public figures, the para-sociality of believe you, individually, know what's "best" for this person - aka this STRANGER - and there's a belief that you can change or force an outcome that suits your needs and wants.

There's a lot of dehumanization involved in fan entitlement, ppl stop viewing public figures - especially actors and musicians - as products rather than people. And with a product if you leave a bad review, and enough bad reviews the company will fix and change the product.

But people aren't products, and you can't force them to do what you want or be who you want them to be just because it upsets YOU individually.

So at the end of the day, what's gonna happen with Ohm and Nanon? Well, they'll probably just keeping doing what they do. Filming their individual shows, maybe one of them will do another BL - I think Ohm already has one in the works? - and try to move on with their lives. They're coworkers and from what I've seen seem fine being coworkers. I'm not interested in speculating what their relationship is, or was, publicly, they've said they're fine with each other so I'm very es lo que es about it.

For fans, well they're probably slowly taper off eventually with only a core group of "true believers" or whatever like some MewGulf, BrightWin and others have. As fans I think the only thing we can do is discourage the behavior, and be empathetic towards the people being harassed.

Now I'm gonna leave you with my favorite debunk of a tinhat post:

[anewbrother]

What?

Freemasonry is a group of good men who come together to make good men into better men. As well as collecting conspiracy theories like a white shirt attracts red sauce. They also donate enormous amounts of money to charity, and have an impeccable sense of style. I'm an FtM man in my mid-thirties who is probably finished with the medical parts of my transition, I work in the community (meaning, my full-time job, my colleagues, all of our customers and most of the contractors are all queer), and I dabble in writing and painting and fibrecraft.

For convenience, I and everyone else will be pseudonymous, so get ready to meet Brother Dude, Brother Fellow, Senior Warden Tish and Junior Warden Tosh, Worshipful Brother Ignotus, Master of this Lodge, etc, as I set my left foot forward on the way to joining the Lodge Of Anonymity.

For now, I'm Chap, hopefully soon to be Brother Chap, Entered Apprentice, and eventually many years down the line Brother Chap, Master Mason.

Why?

A little bit of a lot of things. I want to have ritual in my life, which has meaning to other people and isn't just something that I do alone. I like the idea of knowledge being paced out over months and years and decades, rather than binged when the whim takes me, and of being knowledge which is attached to people, where someone teaches me and imparts their own ideas and nuances rather than just reading from a cold book. And related to that, I would love to have some formal moral instruction, to not constantly be poking at my ethical gag reflex alone to work out where the line lies between something that is morally wrong and something that just irks me. I want community, especially with people who aren't immediately similar to me, and paradoxically with people who share more literal landmarks with me - Having more friends who go to the local pubs, walk on the local lanes, shop at the local shops, rather than all my friends being a train ride away. I am hugely enthused by the idea of a place where I CAN NOT talk about politics, and anyone bringing up politics to me will be censured for it. I want to take on a responsibility that isn't life-or-death for my community, but that still feels more grounded in other people than my gym routine. Also, the Masons make better men, and I would love to be a better man.

So where are you now?

I'm not a Mason yet. I had my first meet and chats in November and will have my interview in February, and between November and now me and another few prospective new brothers have been coming down to the Lodge every other week to start to get to know the Brothers. I've been told to expect to be Entered around St George's Day if I pass the interview. But first... The interview, and I must admit I am nervous.

But Why Blog About It?

Because there's a lot of talk online about trans people. A lot of Masons in the States insisting both that no trans man would be able to have the character to become a Mason, and would always be blackballed even if their Grand Lodge technically admits them, and that no trans woman should ever be allowed to stay a Mason, because the simple fact of transitioning is unmasonic conduct.

But, the United Grand Lodge Of England says;

A candidate for admission to Freemasonry under UGLE must be a man. Should a person who has undergone gender reassignment and has become a man apply to become a Freemason then his application must be processed in the same way as for any other male candidate.

A Freemason who after initiation ceases to be a man does not cease to be a Freemason. We expect that Freemasons will act with compassion and sensitivity towards their fellow Freemasons.

We hope that no Freemason would engage in unwanted conduct relating to another Freemason’s actual or perceived gender reassignment or gender transition.

No candidate should be subjected to questions about their gender which could make them feel uncomfortable.

The full text is here, but the gist is: Trans people of all stripes are welcome in the Grand Lodge Of England, and being hostile towards them is unmasonic. https://www.ugle.org.uk/gender-reassignment-policy

There aren't many examples of trans Masons online, and all of the ones that I've seen have been already Master Masons before transition, so I thought I might as well share my experiences as they happen, for good or ill.

Also, if you are trans and a Mason, please drop me a message, I would love to have more Brothers and maybe we can visit each other if I pass the interview and am entered.

[commiemartyrshighschool]

When I was on the fence right before I took this job a seasoned older writer with a great voice said to me "you don't need a mentor, you need an editor."

The reason I was on the fence is because when I had just a couple technical questions before accepting the job offer the guy I had interviewed with and built a little rapport with responded by saying he had put in his two weeks notice, and that I should get in touch with the person taking over the role. His last day was also my first day.

That should've been ample warning.

Because not only did I not get a mentor (which as an early career journalist I'm now realizing I do in fact need!), I didn't get an editor either. After that meeting I've been in the same room as him five, maybe six times, almost always involving him either telling me a story about looking up his third grade teacher's skirt or telling me a young girl "deserved" a concussion for being at a Boy Scout camp.

And as much as I started dreading those conversations and found the handful of perfunctory zoom calls useless, I've been reduced to single line emails as a sole mode of communication. I know for a fact he will not read the second line of emails in most cases, because when he asks me for the information contained there-in and I copy and past the exact same line in reply it is the first time he has ever seen it.

If I insist on getting acknowledgement or approval of a story (he's furious when I pursue a topic without letting him know or if it changes focus away from his own bias, so I am reluctant to even lay groundwork for stories that might get canned) he'll get annoyed that I've sent so many emails.

Given how poorly we are communicating I looked into his twitter to find out a bit more about the guy, and apart from his obsession with prop comics who didn't even think their own work was that funny it's mainly his work moonlighting elsewhere that skirts conflict of interest and features shittily written op-eds espousing worse opinions, spreading anti-vax conspiracy theories, claiming that Patriot Front is a "Soros funded false flag," all leavened with a weird mixture of Anglophillia and thirsty replies to well muscled conservative men and male fetish models, on what was until recently a bluechecked account explicitly linking him to our publication

I could probably tolerate a handful of these things, particularly him telling dudes to take their shirts off, but it's crossed the line into repeated and dangerous disinformation spreading that I think reflects negatively on the publication.

He's done almost nothing to show me the ropes or teach me about the beat, in fact actively discourages me from developing a beat by rejecting any topic that's too "similar" to one recently covered at the start of the week and then assigning me coverage of something exactly the same by the end of it. When I do get introduced to anybody through him it's a persistent PR flack he's just tired of dealing with.

And you know what it's all made me paranoid. I totally AM reading too much into every email and overthinking them. But while my insane reads have turned out right on occasion the bigger issue is I'm worried I'm slowly losing my ability to interpret other people's messages.

I could kvetch about the rest of the company too, but I don't see the point. The department that makes money is the event planning portion of the business that massages local egos with awards ceremonies. I'm not sure why but people keep buying ads that go into a PDF only print newspaper as well too. A lot of that is just small biz/media bullshit, but it doesn't help that there's this nexus of dysfunction and fascism that's the majority of my dealings with my coworkers.

[buttonupzebraa]

I've been no contact with this family member for a year, but now I am officially ending the relationship completely. I woke up to an abusive, transphobic email from my family member. Reading it was so traumatizing I had a panic attack.

The things she wrote to me would make any person end themselves right there. But honestly in that moment I knew that my safety was at risk if I were to see her again. She gets so angry and doesn't calm down, and the fact that she finds me unsavory and disgusting and has anger issues to the point where some of her pets are missing, makes me scared to be around her.

I'm just done. I'm not here to fix anyone. I don't give a shit about you missing the 'old me'. Dude I was 17, that was 11 years ago. You miss the me that was suicidal, that would clal you shaking that this time I'm going to finally do it and you'd just laugh and say, "What? Jump out of the first floor window?"

I was so patient with you when you said things that traumatized me. When someone attempted to unalive me and you told me to take responsibility for letting my friend into my room... Because of you I'm terrified of letting people in my house.

For so many years I tried to be everything you needed me to be whilst you never left a 1 mile radius of your house. You didn't come to my high school graduation because you said that not important. But when I graduated uni and wanted you to be there you said I was manipulative, selfish, and that I'm making things a big deal.

You scold me for changing and growing and healing but I fought hard to be this lovely boy I've grown into. You have not left a 1 mile radius of your house in ten years.

I'm done, beyond done. And the things you said to me were the last straw. I'm sorry you're so angry I fucking like myself.. I'm sorry you're so angry that I'm a happy trans masc and LOVE my body. I'm sorry that the only thing you feel comforted by is conspiracy theories and you still think it was a 'plandemic'. I'm sorry that you don't believe in therapy and made fun of me for years for going to heal my trauma. I'm sorry that the only Version of me you ever loved was something I was never.

You didn't break me, but you sure as hell fucked my life up. The way you screamed at me for hours because I took my shirt off after top surgery FUXXKED WITH ME! I am scared to go to a pol because im worried I'll be treated as badly as you treated me. I'm scared to meet new people because the violence you spew every day makes me genuinely scared for me safety if. I meet the wrong person.

I am glad I blocked you, but I wish I did this sooner. I wish I had the call to stand up to a bully. But here I am now, the person. Who you refuse to call by their actual name because 'it doesn't resonate with you."

Fuck you. My life is not for your consumption. And if our own mother, as abusive as she was, accepts me for me and uses the right name and pronouns, and actually felt HAPPY FOR ME when I got top surgery, why can't you?

You're just a sick, bitter person that only wants to be surrounded by small things they can control. Up until this point, you were that traumatized child that needed healing, but now it's time to face the truth that you've transitioned into an abuser.

I am not responsible for you getting the help you need. You're almost 50 dude. I'm happy I stood up for myself and for every trans kid you ever felt voiceless

[woofdrm]

i’m being totally fr when i say this and it might sound a tad conspiracy like but i think one of the reasons why banter ended (one of many) happens to do with the ‘talk’ George had with Sapnap about there relationship and how they need to be nicer to each other and stop fighting as much…cause literally one of the main things of ‘banter’ was snf constant arguments and truth be told Karl egging them on to the point where I started (and many fans) started to not like the ‘knn’ dynamic cause it just ended up with them being very toxic towards each other in the name of it being ‘banter’ (and you could totally tell that it was more then just some lighthearted shit like snf where def taking it personal) so i believe George notice that it was a bit of negative environment for them…like of course i have no idea if it was even brought up or talked about but it lines up with the timeline with the last episode they flimed of banter was mid may and it’s confirmed that sap and george had that “talk” in June (confirmed in a live show) so idk i’m def reading too much into but i wouldn’t be surprised if that could have played a factor into the whole thing

tho i am one of the people who sorta as well believe the theory that Karl lowkey bailed out on not going to France cause he didn’t want to do banter live (cough cough be seen with dteam cough cough be seen with dream) LIKE DUDE it just it looks bad for him it could all be a coincidence but actions speaks louder then words (or twitter interactions with sapnap)…and now look at him doing the name your price with Q and Tommy 😭 i’m just side eyeing him hard and those “supposedly” fake discord screenshots

Flaw with your theory: I’m pretty sure the “we need to be nicer to each other” conversation happened a WHILE ago

But yeah those discord screenshots LMAOOO

[canceramorem]

From July until about the end of august would prove to be a real disappointment for the Pizzle. He had ran ole Girl off with a baseball bat , this is after Gary gave both Maria and Jey Pizzle , a few filters. You know like a filter party . Well , things had changed, drastically since it was the original Jason ad Marie hill. I mean, it was no trash at all there when we first got there. But then a year later, its like a fucking free- for- all -. This was the same hill where the original Asheville Love Dope was invented. This hill holds so many good memories. I lived there for at least a year, Or more.-off and on.

There had been some new people that were trying to front like they were there first. It's funny because Gary and I had been there before anyone. Scarlett Marie will tell you, we did whatever the fuck we wanted up there. No cops ever came up there in a year of making shit and inventing love dope, seeing aliens up there, fucking like Tarzan and Jane, partying , and doing tree yoga.

So we took the filters and put them in a can of coca cola. Wow, that was the highest I had been on the hill. I had to lay down so I wouldn't fall because of the slope of the mountain. Scarlett Marie was equally twisted and on the ground talking like a thousand psychobabblic words a minute. Gary was laughing. Like some sort of mad meth scientist , that love to get people so spun they'd act just like him- perverted and do some nasty shit. Then some shit went down. People showing up, and this was when my guard went up for my chick. Because , one of the dudes, that was trying to get her, well he has HIV now, so four years ago , he was trying to kidnap Marie and other girls like her. There was a bunch of dudes there and one of them was Solo, he is an acquaintance of mine who just so happens to be one of Scarlett's old lovers. He is about half her age. There was also another young boy there that couldn't have been more than 21. At this point, Scarlett is swimming rather hard (tripping, twacking etc,) on the filters. It can be compared to rolling on extasy or Mollie. And I noticed she has ' that look' and looks at the young kid. ( compared to us. He was a young kid) and she was so fucked up, she couldn't speak. So I said it for her. Because she still thinks I am some lame ass dude. I mean fuck, if you want to go fuck the kid Marie, then you got my permission. And I told the kid , I said , "will you please fuck my girlfriend and make her Happy" . she was wide eyed and wanted too so bad. But the deal was she couldn't leave with him. Well the kid said no, but then once it got dark, he was trying to do some shady shit with her, and I told her, ' I dare you' and him too. Well the little fuckboy was trying to take her and she would have left with him. FUCK THAT, so I bugged out. Lucky I didn't kill that kid. Because she was , like making gestures with this kid that's young enough to be her son. I flipped out and had enough of being second to the fucking people she just met. Like that fucking kid. So , I hadn't had sex with her in over a week. I was so pissed off and sexually frustrated, and just the thought of her fucking some dude instead of me. I was super hurt. I hit her foot With the same baseball bat that solo had gotten hit in the head with. Yeah, our once peaceful hill was now a full-on, fighting hilltop. She knew she had fucked up, and I was so fed up with the fucking around on me that I was in a hurt, angry , ready to fucking kill somebody mood. The games and flirting with every guy were over. If you love me then don't go fucking flirting with other dudes. Well , she left down the mountain, and I didn't even bother to chase her. 'Fuck that bitch', I thought. And almost immediately regretted what I had said and done. I stayed up on the hill alone and in a severe state of craziness and lonesomeness. She thinks its a fucking game, but that is the same as cheating. But she denies it, even when she gets caught red handed. She'll say it was someone else, or some fucked- off conspiracy theory. But what she doesn't realize is I know more about life and girls like her than she ever will. So, I said fuck it all and went to the river to make some shit with my other buddy and try and find some one else ( female), To get over her and heal my heart that she was slowly shredding to pieces.

I was at the river and still everyday looked and thought that Scarlett Marie would, someday come and be with me, and just stop fucking being around other dudes. Its not cool Marie. How would you feel, if the man you were madly in love with, just goes into a tent with some fucking random girl he just met. And then tells you something like, 'oh, I was just showing her my necklace', or some shit like that. Because you have done it more than a few times. If im lying then you're going to hell. But you see, my love for her is so fucking strong, she could do anything to me and I would still love her. As you will soon see...

When I say kidnap, I don't mean ' kidnap' in the traditional sense. Like , some of these chicks out here they want to be kidnapped. Kidnapped, as in they stay at your spot, and do all your shit and usually steal something before they just leave you. Some girls just get so spun out and get hot shotted by one of the sickos that do that shit. Remember, someone mentioned they thought someone did it to Scarlett Marie? Yeah, they probably did. She probably thought they were cool, and then they hotshotted her. And then I meet her when she's all fucked up crazy. Yeah, I made it known and people didn't like me for that. Because, I really did want her to get to see her kids. Fuck, we were supposed to have a modern family, but her kids father is such a fucking douche-fag . This dude is such a pussy boy. "Call the Cops", yeah, he's one of them. But the worst kind of cop caller. Because he actually fabricates stories and makes things appear on paper that never happened, and then gives that shit to the cops. Yeah, I didn't realize this until it was too late. I'll get to that part after this gap in time , when I didn't hear or see Scarlett Marie for almost two months.

[cryptid-crawly]

Just realized I haven’t talked a lot about the main points of the Superior Nomu!Izuku AU so here I go:

Izuku is the greatest Nomu ever made. This is DFO, so Izuku is able to be given quirks without the negative side effects. He was designed to be the best and the other Nomus are programmed to listen to him

Izuku does not know he’s a Nomu

This is because 1) it’s funnier that way and 2) he kinda escaped and lost his memory

How do you lose a whole ass boy? You forget to cherish him apparently.

The doc lied and said Izuku was dead because clearly this dude makes poor life decisions. This is why DfO isn’t hunting Izuku down (at first)

Izuku runs around with his bajillion quirks and no adult oversight and manages to *accidentally* gain a reputation as an elusive vigilante. He is not a vigilante, he swears. It’s not his fault that dude’s face was in the way of his fist

Dadzawa. Eraserhead is the first person to make contact w the mysterious new vigilante. He now has more things keeping his attention away from sleep. Great.

DadYagi. It’s also DadYagi, but not DadMight! Izuku keeps running into Yagi and they bond and it’s super sweet! Why no dadmight tho? Well…

Part of Izuku’s program is an instinctive need to hunt the #1 hero All Might. He’s like a cat. A very deadly cat that will drop everything to chase after all might. In fact, the reason he keeps meeting Yagi is because he’ll catch up with AM just after he detransforms. Where did All Might go? Oh well, here’s a father figure instead

Aizawa is convinced to not turn Izuku in via a very inane conspiracy theory Izuku has that he is an escaped government experiment. Too many of the facts check out. I mean, it’s wrong, but they believe it.

Accidental child acquisition + coparenting when Yagi finds an injured Izuku who begs him not to go to the hospital and instead take him to a specific place. A place that happens to be Aizawa’s apartment. Good thing the two met when Nedzu announced AM was joining the staff!

Izuku now has two dads that are trying to hide him from the government since he is *obviously* an escaped experiment. One of his dads has been keeping a National Secret for like a million years and the other one doesn’t like talking to people anyway so this should work out fine.

Nedzu finds out almost immediately.

He helps tho! So that’s good. But they tell literally no one else even tho Nedzu fakes some documents giving Yagi and Aizawa legal custody of the citizen boy “Izuku Midoriya” (that’s not his birth name but he picked it).

The main reason behind no one knowing about all this is because it’ll be hilarious when Midnight and Present Mic find out their bff has a son w All Might. Rip to Shouta.

Nedzu insists Izuku go to UA. Aizawa thinks it’s a dumb idea. Nedzu points out they have good security (no one has ever broken in!) and Izuku can do Gen Ed. Everything will be fine. (It will not be fine)

[teawiththegods]

I’ve been a Hellenic Polytheist for years now and I’ve also been answering questions about the religion for almost as long. Something I’ve noticed is that a lot of our struggles within trying to understand the gods and our religion as a whole lies in us having a “this or that” mentality.

Mythology is either 100% true or 100% false. The gods are either all loving or don’t give a shit about mortals. The Ancient Greeks did this or they did that.

But the reality is that it’s not at all that simple. Our religion is complicated and complex. There rarely is an easy and clear answer even when we’re talking about the Ancient Greeks themselves.

And to be honest with you all I think that’s by design. Yes I may sound like a conspiracy theorist here but I can’t help but think the gods crafted Hellenic Polytheism this way in order to make us THINK.

I can admit I am bias here because I truly believe that a big part of being a Hellenic Polytheist is being a free and deep thinker. However when you remember that parts of Philosophy and many schools of thought were born and expanded in Ancient Greece I start to sound less like the dude from Ancient Aliens.

It seems like wherever the gods go, thoughts, ideas, and discoveries follow. Which is why I wonder whether our religion is structured the way it is on purpose. Without a sacred text, without clear instructions or guidelines, without a universal understanding of beliefs and concepts we are left to THINK. To contemplate. To wrestle with our gods and our beliefs about them. We are forced to engage with our gods instead of relying on religious authorities to do that for us. We are free to think for ourselves instead of being force fed whatever bullshit people want to use to control us.

Regardless of whether you believe my conspiracy theory or not, the spirit of this post remains relevant. Our religion is complicated and I think it’s best we just embrace that instead of trying to fight against it. Use it as an opportunity to THINK. Don’t just follow blindly what those of us on the internet say because you think we know better than you. No! There is room in this religion for many ideas, thoughts, and theories so don’t be afraid to come up with your own!

Hellenic Polytheism spaces should be spaces for free thought and open discussions.

[l4verq]

remnants (1)

ransom drysdale x reader

in which you have to protect ransom drysdale because he has the same face as steve rogers, your ex who’s gone back to peggy

warnings : fights, guns, hostage situation, tiny bit of violence

if you want to be added to the taglist, lmk in the comments💗

ʀᴇᴍɴᴀɴᴛꜱ

*not my gif*

-

ransom’s seen pretty much everything.

travelled around the world, eaten the finest delicacies, snapped away for five years into non-existence all because of a purple, ball-sack face alien.

or so he thought.

because sitting here cuffed to a chair infront of you barely conscious, he begs to differ.

how did the night get so fucked so fast?

“hey.” he extends his leg, trying to nudge yours desperately.

you were a sight to behold with your hair undone, dark locks tousled around your delicate neck.

but ransom can’t afford to marvel at you, in fact the first thing he needs to do is get the fuck away from you.

because the way you’d jammed that glass cup up that bartender’s throat without a second thought, you were no ordinary woman.

“psst, hey.” He tries again, eyes skimming over the room.

they probably were holding them both for ransom.

hell would freeze over before he gave any of his money to those fuckers who chained him up like a dog.

you stir around slightly as you slowly open your heavy eyes. a groan slips out when you try to adjust yourself, only tightening the hold on your hands.

“good, you’re up.”

you lift your head to see a bloodied ransom across you.

slumping back into your seat, your body cries out in pain at the slightest movements.

as soon as you’d tasted the martini, you knew it was an ambush, thankfully spitting most of it out.

but it was too late, the drug almost instantaneously taking action, making you groggy.

the last thing you vaguely remember is dragging ransom out only to be whacked out cold, seeing stars.

“what’s going on? hey, are you going back to sleep?”he asks, straining his leg out to nudge yours again.

“you just don’t shut up, do you?” you croak out, barely above a whisper.

“i’m being held hostage in this room,” his nose scrunches up, “so, I’m sorry if I’m just a little curious as to what the fuck is going on.”

he looks almost pitiful, dried blood on his forehead and desperation in his eyes.

reminds you of steve after missions when he would limp around, all bruised up.

your eyes flicker over to the one camera pointed right at you, but the way it was angled you knew your hands weren’t in view.

“do you know about the avengers?” you work on dislocating your wrist to free your hands chained behind you.

not exactly your favourite thing but it worked everytime.

he rolls his eyes and quirks an eyebrow.

“you think I don’t know the avengers? the whole ‘saviours of the world but we choose to remain anonymous’ crap?”

“well, you’re looking at one right now.” you give an umamused smile, slightly flinching at the wrench that causes a tear in your ligaments.

he probably wouldn’t have believed you if he hadn’t witness you take down six people with such ease just a few hours? ago.

“anyways long story short, you look just like captain america and for some reason hydra just can’t seem to get over that face of yours.”

he lets out a genuine laugh which only seems to intensify the throbbing pain in his head.

you were a whole other kind of crazy.

“steve rogers? no one’s even seen his face under that dumb cowl of his.” he snorts, noticing the slight shift in your face at the mention of steve.

“andy barber. jake jensen. colin shea. ever heard of them?”

another tear.

he shakes his head, his irritation only growing by the very second.

“a few months ago, each one of them started disappearing one after the other. the only thing they had in common was their faces. they looked exactly like you, like him.”

you clench your jaw as you position your wrist for the final twist.

the last one always hurt like a bitch.

“you’re crazy.” he huffs, in disbelief.

he knew he shouldn’t have gone to that stupid event, not let his mother get in his head like always.

he could be at home right now, in his lavish three bedroom villa overlooking the sylvan surroundings.

but here he was, tied up in a filthy room with an avenger.

you might have to agree with him on the crazy part because you’re regretting the whole dislocating thing when the last twist pulls through, pain nearly blinding you.

he can only watch in horror as he realises what you’re doing.

“no, like you’re actually insane.” he breathes out in disbelief as your hands slip out of the chain.

the door swings open, guns pointed right at you.

a particular face in the middle catches your eye as you recognise him.

“you know you’re not getting out of here that easy, right?” zemo chuckles, “broke those pretty bones for nothing.”

“you get blipped for five years and this is the first thing you do? somebody needs to get a life.” you slowly get up, hands raised (you think?)

you couldn’t really feel them anymore.

“sit back down.” he orders, gun pointed right at your head.

he yells at you to sit down again but the gun’s pointed at ransom now.

“holy fuck, dude, don’t point that shit at me. this is how 99% of the people in movies die.” ransom pleads, his eyes closed.

“he’s not steve, you know that. so, why are you doing this? I mean I know why I’m doing this.” you hesitantly sit back down, your ears pleased for once to hear the familiar whirring.

just a few more seconds. that’s all you needed.

he cocks his head, “doing what?”

“buying time.”

ransom’s seen enough action movies to know the probability of him accidentally being shot by any of the rain of bullets whizzing past you two right now is high.

too high for his liking.

he thinks he saw a red flying thing knock out zemo? before you pushed him down so hard the chair broke.

“jesus christ, are you trying to kill me?” He yells, his back throbbing in pain.

and all of a sudden, it’s quiet,a persistent ringing taking over his ears.

he opens his eyes to see you hovering over his face.

it’s weird, your lips seem to be moving but he can’t hear you.

and it’s all black.

“i just want you to know that what you did back there, that was stupid.” sam glares at you, in the rearview mirror.

“and dumb.” bucky chimes in.

you roll your eyes.

it was going to be a long ride to the safehouse.

the car bumps and ransom bounces around, his head hitting the top.

“jesus, hold him or something.” bucky turns around, looking at ransom’s unconscious body sprawled on the seat.

you scoot over closer to ransom, your hand guiding his head to your lap.

bucky turns back around, a grin creeping up to his face which you just want to punch off.

you look down at the bloody mess on Ransom’s forehead, fingers slightly grazing over it.

it was done with a blunt object, most likely the back of a gun.

you can’t stop staring at his face, the same lump forming in your throat again.

so you force yourself to look away, focus on the trees zooming past until sam stops the car infront of a small house, “we’re here.”

bucky hands you a bag of essentials, waving at you to go in, “we got him.”

the house is actually better than most safe houses you’re used to.

it has electricity and hot water and that’s already made it a top contender.

you head straight for the shower, stripping down to nothing while turning on the water.

you hiss in pain at the contact of water on your aching skin.

the water’s scorching hot but it’s the only way you feel clean.

you scrub off the grime and dirt like always, desperately washing away the dried blood under your fingernails.

a trail of reddish brown water as you wash your hair, nails scratching every surface of your scalp.

quickly changing into a set of clean clothes, you pull out a box of needles.

you’re sloppy with your stitches, maybe cause you’d gotten used to him doing it for you.

throwing your wet hair into a towel, you debate whether to clean his wound up or not.

but your hand is already reaching for the bag of first aid sprawled all over the sink.

“it’s just a nice thing to do.” you mumble, making your way to the living room.

sam’s passed out on the couch adjacent to ransom and you’re pretty sure bucky went out to get some food.

they’ve changed his clothes for him but the ugly bruise on his forehead only seems to be swelling up.

you sit down on the floor, rummaging through the box, pulling out cotton and antiseptic.

“am I dead?” he croaks out, slightly shifting.

you chuckle, looking back at him.

a few dabs of the brown liquid on the cotton.

“this is gonna sting.” You warn him before gently wiping the angry bruise.

he flinches, groaning in pain.

“where am I?”

“safe.”

“yea, that’s really comforting.” he looks up at you in annoyance.

you exchange to a new waft of cotton, still cleaning up the dried up blood.

it’s strange, how weird yet nice your gentle touches feel.

the way your lips slightly part and eyebrows knit together as you concentrate.

ransom never really had someone take care of him like this.

“wher’s Steve?” he asks the lingering question on his mind.

there’d been many conspiracy theories online, each one crazier than the other.

he again notices the slight clench of the jaw, the shift in your position at the mention of his name.

“gone.” you reply stoically, placing the gauze over the swelling wound.

a shit reply but he can’t bring himself to pry further.

you look down at his face, the familiarity of this catching you offguard.

after every mission, he’d force you to sit down and tend to your every wound, every scratch.

can’t have my girl walking around, all bruised up like that.

and you’d force him to sit down and do the same.

it was always so personal, standing between his legs, his hands around your waist while yours worked around.

“hey, you okay?” ransom lifts his head, regretting it instantly as pain shoots up his entire body.

you blink away the tears threatening to spill any second.

“yeah, I’m good. Get some rest.”

you fumble around, hurriedly picking up the first aid kit, your shaky hands doing little to help you.

you were clearly distraught and ransom had a sneaking suspicion why.

-

a/n : i dont even know if u can physically dislocate your wrist yourself lol, im just making shit up as i go lmao

[feanorianethicsdepartment]

more of tauriel’s hellfamily adventures! there’s still a couple of gaps in my conception of this au, which is why these are bullet points and not an actual fic, but i think i’ve got enough to progress the plot, such as it is. certainly got a bunch of anecdotes i think are funny

i’m not even going to bother explaining how tauriel ended up in one of the fëanorians’ boltholes being treated for mild injuries

nothing super serious, but enough that she’s out of action for the rest of the night. the palace is on fire

the bolthole opens, and celegorm (who’s doing first aid) turns his head. his preemptive scowl melts away instantly. ‘hi elrond!’

the former lord of imladris just sighs. ‘please tell me you idiots haven’t abducted tauriel’

legolas has concerns, apparently. he saw celegorm vanish into an alleyway with her slung over his shoulder and immediately started panicking

‘i've talked him into delaying his rescue mission until i had the chance to check that she was safe’ elrond finishes, sounding absolutely exhausted

tauriel confirms that she is doing fine, as much as she can through the concussion. celegorm’s like ‘if he’s so worried about her why doesn’t he just come up here’

elrond disappears, and a few minutes later legolas scrambles inside

he’s glaring at celegorm. celegorm tells him where the first aid kit is, punches him on the arm, compliments his tracking skills in a vaguely threatening manner, and jumps back out to assist with the chaos

legolas collapses by tauriel’s bedside, still clutching his bow. tauriel pats him on the thigh reassuringly

neither of them are surprised elrond knows the fëanorians - they stayed in his place in tol eressëa for a while, dude knows literally everyone - but they don’t really know why

closer to dawn, elrond’s voice drifts up into the hideout. he’s going on this long irritated rant that climaxes in an extremely exasperated ‘valardamnit dad!’

maglor cackles. tauriel’s like ‘huh didn’t know that.’ legolas makes a face like he accidentally swallowed a spider

by this point, tauriel’s known the brothers hellspawn for long enough legolas has been unnervingly close to a kinslayer way more times than he’d like

this is the longest he’s spent in proximity to them by far, but it’s not the only time he’s interacted with them. they seem to like tauriel, and he knows she can take care of herself

but like still

it keeps happening, though. as tauriel further ingratiates herself with these awful awful elves, her two separate social circles keep bleeding into each other

take the time legolas and co visited the aulendili

before they left middle-earth, gimli whipped round every dwarf they knew and assembled several volumes of complaints. they refuse to confirm or deny whether aulë is the maker, but they are determined someone’s gonna hear their grievances

and thus a small wagon train of wood elves head up into the mountains. including tauriel

tauriel offhandedly mentioned the upcoming trip to the twins, and amras was like ‘hey we’ve got family up there!’ a few messages went up and down the funicular, and now gimli and crew have a place to crash up there

they’re put up by some of the fëanorians’ less murderous (if equally loud) relatives. it’s a pretty interesting trip

half the town is redheads. several people still mistake tauriel for a fëanorian. it’s been happening a lot in the wider noldorin territory lately, it’s weird

caranthir stumbles up into town about halfway through their visit. he gets into an extremely long philosophical argument with gimli that somehow ends with a mutual dwarven nod of respect

he also ends up fighting back-to-back with tauriel in one of those debatebrawls so common among the noldor. neither of them is quite sure how it happens

that’s the way it goes, isn’t it. there’s no big official moment when tauriel becomes part of the family

she just grows closer to them over her time in valinor, as they do to her

she merges into their social world. she develops a rapport with maglor’s wife - a first age mountain sinda and a third age forest avar don’t have that much in common, but they are both looking at noldorin culture from the outside. they have so many injokes about ridiculous bling

(it goes the other way too. this childhood friend oc of hers i’m developing - pretty sweet guy, the token sane man in the legolas-tauriel-him trinity - gets along really well with celebrimbor)

this one time tauriel punches a guy out for calling elrond a traitor. it doesn’t matter that he’s like three times her age, he is babey

she gets chewed out by maedhros and tests out new devices for curufin and drops in on nerdanel for tea. even though she doesn’t permanently live in the definitely-not-fëanorian quarter, she has her own personal space in its innermost warren

she’s one of them long before anyone consciously realises it

what causes that realisation is, admittedly, partially the conspiracy theories. if you say something often enough, you’ll start to believe it, and while the tauriel origin stories circulating through the noldorin rumour mill vary a lot in the details they all agree she is a fëanorian

but that’s a gradual long-term thing. it’s one more thread that leads to the moment

because there has to be an inflection point, i think. the fëanorians have plenty of family friends within the ranks of their definitely-not-minions. some are even as close to them as tauriel’s become

something has to happen to show she’s something more. fortunately, as demonstrated by the darkening and the númenorian invasion, no matter how peaceful it seems, history never stops

shit goes down. the exact details i’ll admit i don’t know yet, but at some point some sort of massive crisis rocks all of valinor. it’s during that crisis that tauriel does stuff that makes it blindingly obvious she’s not just on her side, but one of them

what stuff? again, i don’t know yet. i have this mental image of her leading a strike team that’s half definitely-not-minions and half legolas’ people through a burning city to do... something badass, but that’s as specific as i can get atm

what i am certain about, is that throughout the unfolding of the crisis, tauriel is permanently on the fëanorians’ side, just like they’re on hers

it’s one thing to be someone’s friend in bright happy days. it’s another thing to stick by them when everything’s falling to pieces and the whole world is against them. it’s in the depths of this crisis that both parties have the chance to fully prove their worth to each other

that probably wouldn’t be enough on its own, but combined with the friendship and the conspiracy theories and just the general way she is, once the dust settles it’s blazingly clear that tauriel is a daughter of the house of fëanor

there’s a little debate about where exactly she fits on the family tree, but not much. our sample size is admittedly small, but third generation fëanorians tend to have the slightest modicum of common sense? elrond and celebrimbor both have a fair degree of self-awareness and at least a few brain cells

tauriel does not. tauriel is mad, bad, and dangerous to know, just smart enough to understand that her sheer chaoticness is something she can channel but not nearly close to regularly thinking through the consequences of her actions. she’s loud and violent and does whatever she wants whenever she wants without a single thought towards what people will think of her

and more than that, she doesn’t relate to the second generation fëanorians the way the third generation does. she’s their friend and partner-in-crime, not one of their precious perfect must-protect children. she gets jerked around and bullied and does all that stuff right back, and while she doesn’t have a solid place in the second generation’s internal hierarchy yet she would easily slot in

no, tauriel’s a second generation fëanorian, one of fëanor and nerdanel’s horrible children. the fact that fëanor is currently indisposed and unable to provide an opinion on the matter doesn’t seem to bother anyone

she gets inducted into the family in a massive group hug, and from then on out the brothers hellspawn are the siblings hellspawn

her new family doesn’t replace her old one, of course, she has a long talk with elrond wherein she hashes this out. she’s still a silvan of the greenwood

she’s just also the little sister of the most bloodthirsty elves in history

(that sound in the background is legolas screaming)

[wisteria-lodge]

exploded bird + lion secondary (badger model)

Good afternoon Wisteria! I was hoping for your input with my sorting. This MAY become a novel, and i apologize ahead of time for that. Hopefully its interesting, if nothing else.

I am having trouble with both my primary and secondary. Ive thought i had it figured out so many times and then i would reanalyze myself and get confused. So i guess ill start with primaries. I can tell you for sure that i am not a snake primary. I just cant love another person quite like that. I grew up in a very snake primary environment and never felt i really fit in. I really appreciate snakes and i understand them, but i dont think i am one. I also very much pride myself on my individuality and dont bond to groups so i believe that may rule out badger. I think ive narrowed it down to exploded bird or really confused lion.

Interesting. So far so good. Let’s hear what you’ve got.

Right now in life, with all the information coming at me, all the data, all of the twists and turns, media bias, conspiracy theories, rabbit holes and objective realities, i cant figure out the truth.

… sounds like an Exploded Bird to me.

I think all theories are worth investigating and rabbit holes are fun. But i hate hypocrisy. And its everywhere.

I mean, everyone hates hypocrisy… but I think Birds find it *unforgivable.*

I cant organize all of this information.

Exploded Bird.

Dude. Whats gonna happen if deep fake becomes the norm?

eh, Photoshop has been the norm for a long time and we do okay. Some fakes have always been better than others, and there have always been fakes.

I feel like the safest thing to do is to fully understand myself. Then i can analyze and understand the world.

I would agree with that.

I would say that hands down i was an exploded bird, but i feel very strongly about things right away. But then i learn about them more and if my feelings were wrong, ok. Whatever.

This is still Bird. It’s not that Birds can’t feel strongly about things right away. They do, they just don’t feel safe TRUSTING those feelings. Instead they do… exactly what you’re describing here. Learn more, and then if it turns out their initial feelings were wrong… that’s fine, actually. The feelings are of secondary importance.

BUT i also WANT black and white. I want right and wrong. Grey, though necessary and true, bugs me.

… there’s a reason why I call young Birds Black-and-White Birds.

Deep down i crave to just understand something as it is. But one persons truth is not anothers. I get that. But it still bothers me in my bones.

That’s a very Bird primary angst. Birds can have this *fantasy* that if only everyone had all the information and thought it though properly, that everyone would come to the same (correct) conclusion. And then have to grapple with the fallout when they realize things don’t work that way. As a Lion… I’ve never had to fight that particular monster.

I can also seem like i make snap decisions based on feelings to others, but i just know what i want. If something sounds good, i want to do it. At that moment. No hesitation… i think im meshing into secondary territory here

I agree. Improvisational secondary, sounds like.

so ill just go with it. So my bedroom walls are lilac purple and my kitchen is BRIGHT yellow, because those colors sounded interesting. At that moment. I tend to jump into a project having no idea what im doing. I just thought it sounded like fun.

Comfortable making decisions on a whim, just jumping in. Very improvisational.

But thats not really a way to problem solve. When i start said project and then run into a problem, usually ill read about it, or ask someone who knows more than me. The “i know a guy” bird kind of applies here. I know how to make connections within my community and i plan for that. I think about who would be useful to know, based on my goals.

You know, this could be Bird. But I’m kind of skewing more Badger because of the emphasis on community and asking for help. And keeping an eye on ‘who is powerful, who is useful to know’ is a pretty common Badger secondary model manifestation.

But i dont think i build tools like a bird. In fact, binge watching videos on how to do something annoys me. Takes all the fun out of it.

I still think you’re an Improvisational secondary - and a Badger secondary model is *more* likely than a Bird secondary model.

I am always honest with people and i like that about me, but its not out of some need to stay true to myself. Its just because i have learned that honesty works the best most of the time.

So not Lion *primary* then. This is all about method. You don’t lie, because you don’t find it to be a very practical problem-solving method. Being very direct does work, so at this point… Lion is more likely than snake.

Now, dont get me wrong, i am an excellent liar. But only if its on the fly.

Hmm. Maybe a Snake who’s in neutral all the time?

This conflicts big time with my primary, however, so i rarely ever do.

Interesting. Lying conflicts with your (hypocrisy hating) Bird primary, so you don’t do it. Instead you are very direct, and that works well for you. You *can* lie (on the fly) but you generally don’t. Neutral Snake? Snake secondary model? Depending on how you define lying, could even be Courtier Badger. (I am ruling out constructed Actor Bird.)

I feel like ive gone all over the place in a highly disorganized way, so i will state that now i am going to give some anecdotal data. One time, as an adult, i was hanging out with a bunch of kids on a hayride. A little boy killed a butterfly. I was outraged. I called him out. I told him that he just took away the only life that creature would ever have and that was cruel.

Very loud Idealist primary.

This somehow turned into a question and answer school session about human biology, mammals and why on earth is water in a cup clear, but when you dive into the ocean, its blue?

Some kind of social secondary… and I know the obvious thing is to say 'trotting out a lot of facts, that’s bird.’ But I’m seeing you defuse a situation by leveraging your immediate community (Q&A session)? Badger.

I like being the person that gets the scary bugs out of the house because i feel brave when i do.

Sounds pretty Lion secondary.

When in an emergency situation i completely disconnect and become a calm, knowledgeable person.

This is actually a pretty common just, human thing. When things get bad enough, your lizard brain takes over, and everything is very calm and dreamlike.

I suddenly magically know what needs to be done and work with my environment.

Improvisational secondary.

Im also very aware of how everyone else is doing in that situation and i have an innate need to make people feel better so im usually the first to lighten the mood. Ill focus on others before myself if im hurt. Im more aware of how they are doing than how i am doing and i will make an effort to help them first.

Ah yes, the 'tend and befriend’ threat response. Very familiar. And yeah, going from this description I’m going to say very social badger.

In video games… skyrim is best here i think. I want to be a sneaky mage thief. But when something attacks me, without thinking i run right up to it and hit it with my fists without armor.

lol lion. (The classic Badger secondary strategy is BUFF ARMOR. I always play tanks.)

But i get really sad if its an animal.Those wolf whimpers get to me every time.

No one likes the wolf whimpers.

Ok. Ok. Ive rambled enough. Thank you for reading! Any input is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Exploded Bird, easy. And probably a Lion secondary with a very social Badger secondary model that’s working well for you.