crow-in-gotham

[crow-in-gotham]

BLOG POST NO. 12 - WTF IS A BATMAN

If there is one thing that I have learned about the people of this city, it is the fact that literally everyone here loves to gossip. Like seriously, you see it everywhere, from people of all ages, young or old. I’m not complaining about it by any means (I’m Filipino, being a marites is kinda in my blood) but it’s just a little bit jarring to be on the bus, just peacefully minding my own business, then suddenly overhear someone gossiping in the seats behind me.

Which is exactly what happened to me today on my ride to school.

The apparent topic of the day? The identity of the ever mysterious Batman.

I know, I know, the topic has been talked about so much that if you compiled all the conspiracy theories regarding this and printed it out, the amount of paper you’d fill up might just be enough to reach the halfway point between the Earth and the Moon.

But regardless of how overdone this topic is, it’s still a pretty interesting thing to talk about. After all, absolutely no one knows who Batman is, or if he’s even a man in the first place. For all we know, the “man” in his name might be a red herring and he’s actually some eldritch alien sent from beyond the Milky Way to lull the world into a false sense of security so he can open a portal into the Dark Dimension and take over the entire world as an evil overlord.

Too much? Yeah, I think so too— but hey, what else am I supposed to do during my Differential Equations class, actually listen to the lecture? Pssh, nahhh— my attention span is way too short to sit through an entire 3 hours of just constantly being bombarded by numbers (I am so fucked).

Anyway, back to the topic at hand— Batman’s identity.

I’ve seen so many theories floating around about this, but only two in particular are that memorable for me personally. Well, three if you count the last one (we’ll get to that).

The first theory was that it might be this dude named Harvey Dent (had to look him up— and man, all I can say is that I’m sorry), but uh certain events have completely debunked that. If you live in Gotham then you know exactly what I’m talking about, and if you don’t then uh go do a quick internet search, I’m too lazy to spoon feed you all the information you need (you gotta learn how to do your own research somehow).

Then there’s the whole “Batman is Bruce Wayne” thing which is like, okay, I know where they’re going with this but at the same time I’m kinda ehh on it, you know? For one, Bruce Wayne looks too much like a personified teddy bear (I have said this once and I’ve said it again) to be the civilian identity of the literal definition of darkness and “it’s not a phase” but bat furry coded. I just don’t think the dude that flirts with women and men (istg the amount of times the tabloids just conveniently skip past this— I know for a fact I’m not the only one who’s seen that photo of this dude grab the waist of that male reporter from the Daily Planet— I see them) every chance he gets is the same guy who puts on a bat costume (am I allowed to make another furry joke?) to beat up bad guys in the middle of the night.

So what I’m trying to get at here is that I see the point being made, and I acknowledge it, but I just feel like we need more concrete evidence, you know?

I hope to fuck that I did not just summon an entire mob to come after me for that last bit.

Anyhow, onto my final theory, which is the fact that Batman might just be a cryptid born from the shadows of Gotham herself. This connects to the whole “Gotham is alive” conspiracy that started circulating around a few years ago. I don’t know how popularized it is, but it ended up reaching me when I was browsing through some forums a couple weeks back and honestly, even if it’s not true, it makes for an interesting thought. Because hey, what if cities are alive? That’d be interesting (and is also mildly terrifying).

The basic idea of this theory is the fact that Batman, thanks to being a cryptid and all that, isn’t actually human and therefore doesn’t have a human identity. He’s just Batman. As for why Gotham made him in the form of a human, not many people really answer this question (or more like no one really bothers to ask), but here’s my thoughts: I think Gotham made Batman into a humanoid because we as humans are often more inclined to be comfortable with something if it’s in the form of something familiar to us (hence, human). Like, imagine if Batman wasn’t human and was something like a massive blur of shadow and tendrils— wouldn’t that freak you the fuck out? Regardless of whether or not it saved you, you’ll still feel fucking terrified of it. But if it’s someone that just looks like a dude in a costume, then doesn’t that make you a little less scared? (I say “a little less” because let’s be real, human or not, Batman excels in being terrifying)

Well, that’s all under the assumption that the whole “Batman is a Cryptid” and “Gotham is Alive” are true.

Or that Batman even exists.

I’m pretty sure he does but there’s a lot of people that are saying otherwise, so I feel like I should at least acknowledge the fact that some people think he’s not real? Like, I even have classmates who say that Batman is just a tale told to kids so they don’t misbehave and stay out for too long— which, okay, that’s fair. I’ve heard my fair share of scary stories and beings throughout my childhood as well to be honest— also from adults who thought it’d be a great way to keep me obedient (mostly my titos and titas, my ma and pa never really liked scaring me or my brother)

Buut, I’m going to have to disagree with those points because I’ve heard Red Hood talk to his little earpiece thing (yes, Red Hood, I know you have one, because literally every vigilante/hero in a team should— no, I do not care if you say you’re a crime lord, you saved me from a mugger, get over it). And you know who he called out to one time? Batman.

And okay, to be fair, Red Hood could��ve just said the name to keep convincing people that Batman is real when he’s not, but honestly I don’t think Mr. Bleeding Bat Symbol over here would be that dedicated in making Gotham believe in something that isn’t real.

But I digress.

Do I actually care about Batman's real identity? Absolutely not. As long as the dude doesn’t bother me then I have nothing against his questionable life choices (I mean come on, what kind of life choices lead you to dressing up like a crime fighting bat?).

And also he keeps Gotham marginally safer, I guess, so that’s a win in my book.

As for the whole “What’s Batman’s relationship with Bruce Wayne?”— I've also given it some thought.

And honestly a part of me thinks they might be exes… or divorced.

But that’s a ramble for another time— I need to study for my next class.

[crow-in-gotham]

BLOG POST NO. 11 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THIS BITCH (I AM THAT BITCH)

GUESS WHO’S A YEAR INTO ADULTHOOD BITCHES

WOO YEAH CONFETTI CYMBALS TAMBORINES FUCKING ORCHESTRA ENCORE

So yeah I turned 19 and honestly it was the most uneventful bullshit I have ever been a part of— but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So here’s the deal: Lan and Ray both set up a mini birthday party for me (thanks dorks :DDD) after all our classes were done. Ray decided to use his privilege (fucking finally) and booked an entire restaurant for us (Did I mention my friend was rich? Because he is. I hate him /j). He mostly did it because he knows I’m a horrid at anything social related so being in a restaurant full of people would have been nerve wracking— we could have just celebrated it in my apartment, but Lan said something along the lines of “the walls will eat you at this point— you need to touch some fucking grass” so I had no say in the matter.

We also invited Duke and Tim so yay more friends :DDD I went from having zero social life to having a small friend group. We hang out a lot outside of school now, so it's been great :DD

The dorks also gave me gifts which— you know, is nice and all I guess (no I didn’t cry, totally not).

Lan gave me a book I’ve had on my wishlist since forever and honestly thank fuck— I’ll take any free book I can get at this point (my entire collection at home + the one I have in my apartment here are worth a small fortune at this point—). Ray got me a wild assortment of keychains and pins because they know I’ve been meaning to collect more so that’s nice. Honestly I can probably cover a whole bag with the amount they decided to buy me—

Tim and Duke are fucking insane though. You wanna know what these mfs got me? A fucking nintendo switch. Why, you might ask? Because they heard me mention wanting one in passing. Like seriously, I know these two are rich but like holy shit wtf man. I mean thank you obviously but at the same time what the fuck.

Technically they split the gift between them, but Tim was specifically the one who bought the switch, and Duke bought me the games to play on it (Legend of Zelda and Animal Crossing?? Hello???)

(I love my friends— sob)

Overall, pretty great birthday :))) 

I just kinda wish I could come home and visit family

We were on a video call all night after Hood left, but it just doesn’t feel the same way, you know?

Thankfully, I almost have enough money saved for a trip back home. I’ll just have to wait for December to come.

I miss them.

But anyway, happy birthday to me :D

[crow-in-gotham]

BLOG POST NO. 10 - RED HOOD LEFT AND NOW I’M STRANDED IDK

So Red Hood left first thing in the morning. He was nice enough to clean up after himself and also take out the trash (I was confused at first then I realized it might be because of the bloody cotton balls) before he left. He also left me a little note saying thank you for letting him crash, and that he enjoyed the food I had in the fridge (that was the last of my buko pandan—).

… Is this just a normal occurrence for other Gotham citizens? To just have vigilantes crash at your place? Which, okay, I know that I did technically drag Red Hood inside myself, but in my defense he’s a brick wall and could have easily gotten out of my grip if he really wanted to.

Honestly, I think the dude was just too tired to give a fuck. If that’s the case, then that’s a fucking mood.

Anyway, I was on my commute to the University as I write this. Unfortunately, the bus I was riding got its tires exploded and I am now stuck waiting for another bus to come.

Whoopdeefucking doo.

If I knew this would happen I would’ve just sent the professors an email and stayed in for the whole day.

Fuuuckkk

[crow-in-gotham]

BLOG POST NO. 9 - RED HOOD IN MY APARTMENT, HOPE THIS DOESN’T KEEP HAPPENING

Are the Gotham vigilantes okay? Specifically Red Hood? And I don’t mean that in a physical way (although I do wonder how most of them are still alive despite the concerning amount of bodily harm they apparently go through) but in more of a mental way—

I know that the obvious answer is no (wearing spandex and hidden body armor and going around jumping on rooftops to fight villains isn’t exactly something a sane person would do, and plus there’s not a single actual sane person in Gotham anyway) but I still gotta ask.

Now, I live— like— basically in Crime Alley, right? Not really smack-dab in the middle of it (thank fuck) but on the outskirts (do I count that was a win?). So basically, I am still within what people say is Red Hood’s territory (which, you know— thank fuck again). Essentially, what this means is that I get to encounter the vigilantes every once in a while. Not like a whole lot (I don’t see them everyday— or, well, everynight I guess?) but definitely more times than I have ever encountered a hero back when I lived in the Pearl of the Orient Seas (Philippines. I’m talking about the Philippines—).

So, story time: I was walking home, as you do, after my shift at the Gotham City Public Library (for context to those reading this without it, I work there in my spare time). Mr. Gordon (he keeps telling me to call him Jim but my Filipino ancestors would incinerate me so no) was busy with a case so he couldn’t drive me home this time— which, you know, not to worry, it isn’t the first time this has happened anyway, so it’s cool.

So there I am, just going “lalala” to my humble abode. I had managed to get all the way to my block with no incidents. So the walk was going great.

Well, up until I was about 3 buildings away from my apartment and I suddenly got dragged into a dark alleyway by some nutjob wearing a ski mask. Honestly I thought that kind of get-up only appeared in movies or TV shows, but I digress. The dude pulled a gun on me and threatened to shoot if I didn’t give him all my money. So basically your average mugging experience, right?

So I did what any normal human being (read: insane) would do and gave him my wallet. I mean what else was I supposed to do, just beg for my life and cry? I’m way too self-deprecating for that shit, and also I stopped giving a fuck by the third time something like this happened.

Plus, if a mugger or deranged serial killer or one of the fucked up villains of Gotham don’t kill me first, then my degree will finish the job :) (I think I need therapy. But do I really? Nahh)

Any-fucking-way, unfortunately for ski-mask-mcgee over here, he decided to mug one of the types of people that he shouldn’t mug: a broke college student. Like bro, there’s literally nothing in my wallet other than a measly $3 and a lollipop. What the fuck did you expect?

So he takes my $3 (rude) then fucking points the gun at me again and threatens to shoot (that threat’s getting old) if I don’t hand him everything I have. And I’m like— dude wtf? That’s literally everything I have, right there in your hand?? What do I look like, the fucking city bank?

I was starting to get annoyed (and cold because god it was freezing) when suddenly, a shadow just swoops down and lands next to us. Dude in the ski mask panicked and shot at the general direction of whatever the fuck decided to drop by (literally) but then quickly got incapacitated after getting punched in the face by said shadow person.

Then they stepped into the light to zip tie the mugger’s hands together (because handcuffs are so last season) and lo and behold, can you guess who it is? That’s right, it’s the Red Hood! Claps and cheers all around (I was so dead tired that I just deadpanned when I saw who it was).

He asked me if I was alright, yada yada, you know, basic “I just saved you, I hope you’re okay” 101, with a dash of barely managed anger issues. You know, for flavor.

I was about to just turn around and speedwalk to my apartment (because fuck I really wanted a nap) when suddenly I notice something that was marginally concerning.

This guy (Red Hood) was bleeding.

And it was not one of those little trickles— this man had a bullet wound in his abdomen that looked like it was a mini rendition of the fucking Niagra Falls.

So obviously I’m concerned (or I hope I at least looked concerned— I was too tired to know what facial expression to actually make) and I asked him, like, “hey dude, you good?” And this idiot just looks at me, follows my gaze towards his abdomen (how did he not fucking notice) and just shrugged— fucking shrugged— and said, “ ‘Tis but a flesh wound”.

Whether or not I laughed is none of your business.

While I appreciate the Monty Python and the Holy Grail reference (great movie by the way, 100/10), it was definitely not a flesh wound.

So I did what any sane, normal, totally not crazy human being would do and dragged this personification of a wall of muscle towards my apartment. (After calling the police to take the very much knocked out mugger laying on the ground, of course)

I don’t even know how the hell I managed to drag this guy into my apartment because, for 1, he could literally bench press me, and 2, he could snap me in half like a twig, and 3, I am about as muscular as a sea sponge. Meaning to say, I am not muscular or strong whatsoever.

I’m pretty sure Red Hood just let me drag him into his apartment because it looked like I would cry otherwise (and I would have).

Anyway, so that’s the story of how I got the Red Hood into my home, I guess—

It uh, took me about 5 seconds after sitting him down on the couch and grabbing my first aid kit before I realized that I’m a fucking idiot because I don’t have any medical training, and I obviously don’t know how to fucking remove a bullet.

Is this why my mother said that I should take Nursing instead? Well fuck.

I think Red Hood also realized that I am a fucking dumbass because he just stared at me staring at him and fucking laughed.

He laughed.

Fuck I wanna bury myself in a hole and die—

Thankfully though (and also concerningly) Red Hood knows how to remove bullets from himself (wtf dude) and I just helped him disinfect and bandage up his wound (with him instructing me, because again, I am a dumbass).

So that’s the story of how I ended up with the Red Hood on my sofa.

Fucking great. Wonderful. Apparently he decided to take the rest of the night off and just crashed there instead (I definitely did not bribe him to stay by giving him some of my snacks from home— nope, no sir-ie, I have no idea what you’re talking about).

I’m writing this from the comfort of my bedroom while he just sleeps on the sofa outside, in the living room.

Holy fuck I have the Red Hood in my house.

He ate the snacks I gave him and fell asleep while listening to Legally Blonde play on the TV.

What the ever loving fuck is happening in my life.

… I need to go to bed.

Good fucking night.

[crow-in-gotham]

BLOG POST NO. 8 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THAT BITCH NAMED RAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THAT BITCH NAMED RAY (@RayneOrShine)

It just felt like I should mention that it’s his birthday today because he’s the first friend I made in Gotham (technically) and he’s done a lot to help me out (especially with settling in, because everything in Gotham is a whole shock in itself).

Fortunately I managed to save up money specifically for his birthday and I managed to buy him a smiski figure. He ended up getting the twins, and I’m glad he likes it :DDD (if he didn’t I would have cried)

This is just a small appreciation post for Ray tbh. I don’t think much really needs to be said since this is an online post and I already spent the whole day having an introvert party (which essentially consists of our entire (small) friend group just hanging out at Ray’s fancy house and playing Mario Kart and me introducing them to the glory that is BG3)

Anygay, happy birthday you lovable fuck :)

[crow-in-gotham]

BLOG POST NO. 7 - TALKING ABOUT THOSE WAYNES AGAIN

So I mentioned in another post at some point that I might talk about other members of the Wayne Family— and I got nothing better to do right now so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

First off is Alfred Pennyworth. I probably should have mentioned him in my original post, but that one was just about Bruce Wayne and his kids and Alfred is definitely not one of his children— for obvious reasons. I don’t have much to say about this man other than the fact that he looks very grandfatherly, if that makes sense. He looks like the kind of guy you’d come to for life advice, or to just listen to stories of the “good old days” while drinking a nice warm cup of hot chocolate. He’s also apparently a very good cook, according to literally every single Wayne, so I’d love to exchange recipes if we ever meet (pssh, like that’s ever gonna happen, but one can dream, amiright?).

Next on the list is Katherine Kane, or Kate Kane. Honestly this woman is the walking definition of “please step on me”. My friend’s words, not mine (which friend, you might ask? Well wouldn’t you like to know weather boy—). But like, seriously, look at this woman and look at Bruce Wayne— how the fuck are they even related? Bruce Wayne is like the human personification of the word “babygirl”, and Kate Kane is what “femme fatale” would look like as a person.

This woman has got people questioning their sexual identity right, left, and center.

Then next is Stephanie Brown. Some people say she’s an official Wayne, other people say she isn’t. She did an interview with the family once and in it she did say that she wouldn’t really consider herself a Wayne officially, but that she was great friends with the whole family. So basically, like a very close family friend. I’m pretty sure Bruce Wayne already made a college fund for her and that her high-rise apartment is paid for fully by him as well but you know, to each their own.

Again, I don’t have a lot to say about her, mostly because she’s one of the few people related to the Wayne family that don’t actually show up that much in the media. Well, beyond her personal social media accounts but she just posts random pictures of the Wayne family being various degrees of idiot.

Next is Lucas Fox, or Luke Fox. This guy got famous for being born into wealth and prestige— you know, being the son of Lucius Fox, the president and CEO of WE. He had a pretty good boxing career (I have never gone into boxing, I know nothing about it—). I think he’s working at WE with his dad now? Maybe? Honestly I don’t know, I can’t be bothered to do that much thorough research on some dude.

Oh, he has a double degree in engineering and business management though. If I ever meet the guy, I’ll probably just ask him about engineering related stuff. Like how to build a robot. And how to not go fucking insane.

Then there’s Barbara Gordon herself. I still stand by the points I made in my previous post talking about her and I will die on this hill. She is an amazing person and honestly I’m inclined to believe that she’s an actual angel. I mean, come on, she gave me homemade banana bread one time because she found out through my dumb friends that I passed one of my exams. She’s still my favorite.

Also, she apparently used to date the oldest Wayne kid at some point? Honestly the dude should count himself lucky.

With that, I think that’s about everyone? Maybe? There’s so many people connected to this family that honestly it’s hard to say.

I know the Wayne kids are also friends with someone named Harper Row, but there’s not that much information on her online other than the fact that she volunteers at Martha’s House a lot and also is in Electrical Engineering— which honestly makes me want to meet her because holy fuck I need more help with circuitry (why did I choose to pursue this degree again? None may ever know).

I’ll make another post if it turns out I forgot to talk about anyone major. Otherwise, that’s the whole post.

The Wayne Family isn’t even a tree at this point, it’s a fucking ball of yarn and Bruce Wayne is the cat that keeps tangling it up even more.

[crow-in-gotham]

BLOG POST NO. 6 - MY RICH FRIEND HAS ANOTHER RICH FRIEND

So apparently, a certain idiot (I'm looking at you @RayneOrShine) forgot to tell me that Tim Drake-Wayne— yes, the Tim Drake-Wayne— is his friend.

I'm about to strangle a bitch.

It all started on a typical Gotham day. The sun was not shining, and the clouds were as bleak as fucking ever. So, you know, just Gotham being Gotham. Then, suddenly, a text message appears. It was sent to a group chat with me and my two friends.

It was from Ray. He said, “Meet me at the parking lot after classes.”

Now, obviously my first thought was, “Omfg, are we gonna fight someone?”, which got me all excited because maybe this is the time I get to test the mini taser I bought and see if it actually works.

We were not, in fact, off to fight someone.

We were off to meet someone.

So that's how me and Lan ended up getting dragged to the most bougie 5 star restaurant I've ever seen and may ever see in my whole life.

And who's this mystery person we were meeting that Ray wanted to introduce to us? You guessed it, fucking Tim Drake-Wayne.

I can call him just Tim now actually so ha fuck you.

Anyway, we had a pleasant time eating lunch. Honestly hard not to considering the fact that it was a free lunch (I fucking love Tim) at a 5 star restaurant (holy fuck). Was probably one of the best lunches I've ever had, and Tim wasn't half bad either. Sure, he looked about half dead despite being on his sixth cup of coffee that day (much to Ray’s evident disapproval) but he was still great company.

We talked about code a lot and honestly I didn't get half the shit he was saying towards the latter half of the conversation but it was fun to listen to. I don't think Ray and Lan understood a single thing though. Sucks to suck I guess.

Overall, a very pleasant afternoon. Definitely made my next class more bearable. Ray, if you're reading this, I'm still gonna come strangle you next time I see you because how the fuck do you forget to mention your friends with someone rich and famous wtf.

[crow-in-gotham]

BLOG POST NO. 5 - A LETTER TO THE VILLAINS OF GOTHAM

Dear Villains of Gotham City,

I hope this message finds you well. Today I am here to ask if it would be possible for one of you to schedule an attack within the general area (or within) Gotham University.

It is midterms week and on behalf of all GU students, I humbly request a, for lack of a better word, intervention. Yes, the staff are also aware of the fact that me and multiple other students are praying for a villain attack to disrupt the midterms week schedule so we could cancel the exams for at least a few more days. Yes, bets have been made on who would attack and how long exams would be delayed for. Several other students have taken it upon themselves to also post on their own social media accounts on various other platforms in the hopes of reaching at least one villain.

Preferably a villain that will not try to murder someone.

Sincerely, on behalf of the entire GU student population,

Crow in Gotham

[crow-in-gotham]

BLOG POST NO. 4 - ALL ABOUT THE WAYNES

Remember that off-handed comment I made about moving into Gotham without proper research? Well, it’s more like no research at all because I just found out who the Waynes actually are.

For you see, I am what my friends lovingly (read: derogatorily) refer to as an internet hermit. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that I have lived under a rock for basically my entire life. Well, at least when it comes to anything celebrity related. Hell, I don’t know much about Filipino celebrities, much less foreign ones. The only Filipino celebrities I bothered knowing the bare minimum about is BINI, and the only foreign actors I know are the ones who played in the Harry Potter series.

But back to my main point— yes, I only just now found out about who the Waynes are.

Why? Because I literally share a class with one of them. Actually, scratch that, I’m pretty sure I share a class with two of them—

So I did a little digging (read: my friends were appalled by how “uncultured” I am, and forced me to sit through a 3 hour long lecture about Wayne Lore) and here’s my thoughts.

First of all, Bruce Wayne, or “Brucie” as the media likes to call him, is the biggest fucking teddy bear I have ever seen. Like seriously, if “head empty, no thoughts” was a person, it would be him. Kinda sus (look Ray, internet slang!) to think he’s completely empty up there considering the fact that he, you know, runs one of the biggest enterprises in the entire world? The man is richer than Lex Luthor himself (yes, I know who he is— thank you Lan) and just keeps getting richer even with the amount of money he just seems to throw out everyday.

Honestly I’d be inclined to believe he’s actually some sort of secret super genius who’s just hiding behind a facade of stupidity just to lower everyone’s guard, but at the same time, I, quite frankly, could not give a fuck. The man pays my scholarship, I don’t really care if he’s the human version of a koala or the second coming of Isaac Newton. As long as he keeps doing all the good that he’s doing, I’m good. Overall, seems like a good guy and a nice hugger.

Next up is Richard Grayson-Wayne. Or, as literally everyone apparently calls him, “Dick”. Like, seriously? I know this has probably been said so many times— to the point where if you took all those times it was said by someone and turned it into an audio file, it would probably outlive the universe— but still. Really? Out of all the nicknames, you chose that?

And okay, maybe times were just different back then (shoutout to you old people out there), but was this guy so attached to the name that he just couldn’t be bothered to change it even when the modern day meaning for it was popularized? I mean, seriously, how many spittakes am I gonna have to go through every time my friend (hi Lan) says something along the lines of “I have a thing for Dick”. My friend knows exactly what the fuck he’s doing every time he says this sentence, because he never bothered to add the last name “Grayson” to it. Like, I know you’re gay Lan, but come on. The closet is already made of fucking glass.

Other comments to make? That ass. Like seriously, he tries to hide it by wearing slacks but sir, we are not blind. Those seams are fighting for their lives every time you take a step.

Next one on the list is Cassandra Cain-Wayne. There’s honestly not much else I can say about her other than the fact that I think she’s an absolute angel, and that I’ve replayed videos of her ballet performances for maybe an hour? There’s just something about the way that she dances that just looks so mesmerizing. It reminds me of a swan— beautiful, graceful, and equally as deadly. No, seriously, have you seen angry swans attacking people? Those birds can be fucking terrifying. I don’t know what about her looks so dangerous, but she just does? To me? It’s weird.

I’m not saying she’s a bad person or anything, I’m just saying that in a scenario where someone tries to mug her, I don’t think it would be her who’d end up with stitches. Which, honestly, I respect.

Next is Jason Todd-Wayne. The fucking brick house himself. I mean, come on, just look at one picture taken of him recently and tell me you did not stare for more than 10 seconds. This man is the definition of “If he’s a tree then I’m a squirrel”. Am I completely biased in this case? Maybe. Will I plead guilty? Over my dead fucking body.

The whole “disappeared for a weird amount of time, was assumed dead by the public for a while, then suddenly came back one day out of nowhere” situation aside, this guy is like the prime example of a glow-up. I don’t know what happened during those years he went missing, but he came back looking like a beefed up Princess Anna.

Chunk of muscle aside, there are also a few pictures of him hanging out with the kids that come by Martha’s House (local homeless shelter— thanks WE), and rescuing kittens from trees, and honestly I think it’s so sweet. It’s giving “gap moe” and I’m very much here for it.

Up next is Timothy Drake-Wayne, otherwise known as Tim (because who the fuck says Timothy nowadays—). Now this guy is the reason why this entire post exists in the first place. Why? Because I literally saw him walk right into class and sit literally right next to me (which, now that I think about it, is kinda weird because we were in a lecture hall and— hello, there’s literally 10 other seats in the same line as us?). Now, at first I didn’t really think anything of it— because duh, I lived under a rock remember? I had no idea who he was when he walked in, nor why everyone else in the room was staring at us like our heads were on fire (I checked— they were not), but I was running on 2 hours of sleep and barely any caffeine so I couldn’t give two fucks.

Then this mf (look Ray, abbreviations!) turned to me and just— hands me a bottle of 5 hour energy? That he just took out of his bag?? Now don’t get me wrong, I was thankful and all that, because there was no way in hell I would’ve survived that class without more caffeine making my heart almost palpitate, but also— kinda weird? Didn’t think much of it anyway and just thanked him. We did introduce ourselves to each other, but only with our first names because, you know, who the fuck introduces themselves with their full names unless it’s the first day of class and your professor decided it would be great to “get to know everyone” by doing self-introductions.

It wasn’t until 3 hours later at lunch when I discovered that I had, in fact, talked to Tim Drake-Wayne himself, courtesy of one of my friends (I’m looking at you Rayne) screaming at me.

That was also what led to the whole “sit down and let’s talk about Wayne Lore” that lasted 3 hours.

Duke Thomas-Wayne is the next one. This guy is an absolute fucking sunshine. He’s the other guy that’s in one of my other classes— actually, now that I think about it, we’re in a group together for that class’ semester-long project.

Wtf.

The literal personification of a ray of light is groupmates with me holy shit. “Become group mates with a Wayne” was definitely not on my bucket list for this year but you know what I’m not complaining about it.

Oh god I just remembered the fact that I ended up rambling about seashells for an embarrassingly long amount of time to him because the group wasn’t talking about anything so I ended up making small talk with the person next to me, which ended up being him.

I hope he liked my ramblings about the different kinds of seashells I have??

Last but definitely not the least (I feel legally obligated to say that) is Damian Wayne himself. He’s famous for being the only Wayne child to actually be blood-related to Bruce Wayne (not that that makes the others any less his kids—), and also well-known for the fact that he threatened to shove a cane up someone’s ass during one of the many Wayne Galas. Honestly, I respect it. The threatened person was being an asshole to some other guests and apparently Damian Wayne had enough of his bullshit. It made rounds on social media for an entire year apparently (not that I’d know— I was dead to the internet beyond my little circle of hyperfixations).

Other than that there’s not really much else to say about this guy? Other than the fact that I think he’s kinda cute in the little brother way. There’s a clip online of Tim Drake-Wayne calling him a demon spawn though, which I think is funny as fuck. It’s giving sibling energy to the max. I’m sure there's a good reason why this Damian Wayne has been dubbed the demon spawn.

There’s some honorable mentions for the Wayne Family (you know who I’m talking about) but honestly this has gone on for so fucking long. Maybe I’ll make a separate post about it at some point.

… How the fuck does Bruce Wayne deal with all these fucking kids—

[crow-in-gotham]

BLOG POST NO. 3 - COME TO THE LIBRARY, WE HAVE COOKIES

Working at the library is actually one of the best major decisions I have ever made. Then again, when you consider the fact that my other major decisions include moving into Gotham city without proper research, as well as deciding that I could totally finish an entire engineering plate in less than 12 hours, saying it's my “best decision” suddenly doesn't really mean much.

But I digress— you might be wondering, why exactly is working at the library so great?

Well, for one, the money is actually pretty good, all things considered. I get paid really well for a part-timer, with a generous amount of bonuses sprinkled in every now and then thanks to the fact that the Gotham City Public Library is under the care of the Waynes. They also aren't stingy with the amount of paid leaves you're allowed to take, nor will they make you do unpaid overtime.

Considering the fact that this is basically my first job, I’d count that as a win.

The best part? Barbara Gordon, head librarian herself. She's a godsend I tell you. She gives us hot chocolate whenever we want (or some other preferred beverage if you're allergic or just don't like chocolate or something), and she handles unruly customers like a fucking pro. I cannot express enough how grateful I am for all those times she stepped in to handle customers that were being difficult. As a very introverted blob, I salute you. Mad respect for this woman, seriously.

Like, last week she found me crying in one of the more hidden corners of the library because I failed one of my quizzes. She consoled me throughout the whole thing, and even gave me a box of my favorite chocolates and candies the next day to cheer me up! Hell, she even sat me down that night before my shift ended so she could help me with my calculus homework. Fucking amazing human being, I tell you.

If anyone hurts her I swear to god it is on sight.

I may not know how to shoot a gun but I sure as hell know how to stab a bitch.

Also, her dad, Jim Gordon? Awesome guy too, he's really sweet. I first met him when I was walking home after my shift, and I think I almost gave him a heart attack when I told him I lived near (read: basically inside of) Crime Alley— so now he drives me home whenever he can.

If you're ever in Gotham, go visit the Gotham City Public Library. It's literally one of the best places in Gotham.

Did I mention we have free cookies? Because we have free cookies. Just go to the front desk, the cookie jar is free for everyone, but you're only allowed one. Unless you're very nice. In which case you can have two.

[crow-in-gotham]

BLOG POST NO. 2 - COME TO GOTHAM, SHE HAS CHEAP RENT

Some people from back home say I should've applied to some other University/College in Central, Metropolis, or even Star City instead. Honestly, sometimes I agree. Then I remember that my rent is $350 a month and my tuition is basically as close to zero as you can get and suddenly, I'm okay again.

I mean yeah, I live on the outskirts of Crime Alley, which is basically just another way of saying that I get mugged basically every night and almost get murdered every other weekend— but hey, I'm not dead yet.

Also, it's a great way to get acquainted with the local vigilantes. I don't mind the occasional threats to my safety and life if it means I get to see the Red Hood chokehold someone.

Do I have a crush on the Red Hood? Who the fuck knows, certainly not me— but honestly, anyone who’s seen the Red Hood in action knows what I’m talking about when I say that this man is sculpted like that one statue of the devil that got scrapped because the church thought it looked too hot, only to hire the brother of the original sculptor who ended up making it even hotter.

Look, all I’m saying is that the man is good eye candy.

I mean, a lot of the vigilantes are to be honest, but so far I’ve only met Red Hood and, well, I like walls of muscle. Fucking sue me (don’t, actually, I’m about as broke as my tailbone was when I landed on my ass while ice skating that one time— I’m a college student living off of scholarship money and my wages as a library helper, what did you expect?).

God I hope he isn’t reading this.

Do the vigilantes even have tumblr accounts? Or social media in general? I’ve honestly never even bothered to check.

And honestly, I don’t think I will because I’m going to force myself into believing that as long as I think they don’t exist, they won’t. (I’m delusional)

[crow-in-gotham]

BLOG POST NO. 1 - INTRODUCTION

Since I decided to make this blog, I feel like an introduction is in order— in case anyone stumbles across this and wants to know who I am (for whatever reason— I really hope whoever’s reading this doesn’t turn out to be some kind of villain).

Hi, my name is Crow— whether or not that’s my real name has nothing to do with you <3. Pronouns are they/he. Currently I live in Gotham City (been here for about a year now I guess). I know, great decision, amiright? I moved here from the Philippines because I managed to get a free scholarship, courtesy of the scholarship program by the Waynes. I’m currently studying for a Computer Engineering degree, if that’s of any importance. Yes, I’m in college. Yes, I’m also 18 years old, so no need to worry about a minor living on their own.

I don’t really know what else to add to this one. You’ll know more about me in my next ramblings, probably, so I guess this is all that’s needed at the moment.

TL;DR:

Name: Crow

Age: 18

Pronouns: They/He

From: Philippines, now in Gotham

*Taking Computer Engineering

*In College