#I am being tame
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I have yet to use this phrase but it is exactly how I direct theater.
I say- once we know it well enough to just have random fun with it we can create some really GOOD stuff.
For reference I work in community theater with people who come to rehearsal after doing a full day of work and volunteer all thier time for 3 months for a weekend of performance. The general attitude is- “If they are willing to volunteer thier time, we can’t ask too much of them” and the usual show is only just memorized and everyone is happy is they remember where they stand on stage.
Meanwhile I demand you know the text a month in and have blocking down by the end of the second. It gives us just a couple of weeks to really “fuck around” and find great stuff.
But mostly- I pull in things from fandom.
I say- “find a song for you character. Find a playlist of songs. Why does it connect?” By the end of the show, I swear, every song playing on the radio as I drive home from rehearsal relates somehow, (and I see it in full fanvid behind my eyes).
I say- talk to your fellow actor. We know the present from the script. What does it tell us about the past? What WAS your relationship? What parts can you fill in together? (The word headcannon is never used, but that is EXACTLY what we are doing)
What are you wearing and why? (I also demand my costumes so much earlier) Is it said in script? Does it give you a nervous thing to do with your hands? Is your character being rebellious? What in the script would suggest that? (Don’t tell me one of the favorite bits of fan work isn’t dressing up your favorite character in a new outfit they would TOTALLY love, and I can prove it with these 3 episodes!)
I know there is more, but I am struggling to think of them in the moment.
The point is- fan work has shaped how I used my brain to look at stage craft and that is only good. I get EXCITED about my shows- the story becomes my FAVORITE for awhile and the work only benefits.
If you are an avid member, or even an occasional visitor, of fan spaces, you have artistic skills in dissecting text that are useful to you in other spaces. Use it. Enjoy it.
Anytime I see people talking about canon and fan fiction and all the discourse that happens therein, my brain always goes back to this line from Slings and Arrows. It’s been living in my head rent free for nearly 20 years.
Geoffrey Tennant is standing in front of a workshop class full of corporate middle management people who tell him they’re at the workshop to learn communication skills and management styles by learning about the works of Shakespeare. And they’re all just very cut and dry business folk who are there and are gonna Learn a Thing. Geoffrey basically waves the class’s notions aside and says: “Let’s fuck around with some text.”
I love that line. I think about that line a lot when I think about fandom. Taking canon and finding our own way to play and fuck around with it. Search for profound truths about a character. And the horny. The silliness and fun. Explore the new and process trauma or share joy with fic or art or vids. Going in completely different direction from canon because we’re in so deep and are possessed and that’s where the stories and the fanon has carried us.
Let’s fuck around with some text. It’s so good.
#also geoffrey and darren's incandescent rivalry is *chefs kiss* so good#their ideas of fucking with the text are so different from one another#slings and arrows#fanon#working in artistic spaces#get excited about your own work too#make great art#community theater#theater as fanon#I confuse so many older people in my sphere#they think I am being an artistic genius in that crazy way#but they let me get on for the most part because my stuff has depth and audience reaction#I want to tell them that they have no idea#I am being tame#I could go so much more feral#but i wont#because then I wouldn’t get the nice ladies with sewing machines to work for me#or the old guys who hammer the set together#can’t scare them all off in a small community- there would be no one left 😂#they don’t realize all the crazy energetic teenage actors are getting that energy from ME#I taught them to make memes about thier characters and it just snowballs#they think the teens effect ME#naw bitch#I litterally taught them everything they know
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alongside my existing goals i think that an additional artistic goal of mine is to teach and stage work that is often time deemed “unstagable”—works with impossible stage directions, plays with ghosts, works so textually dense they require hundreds of hours of parsing, work that is violent and uncomfortable and confrontational, works that leave marks on their audience (psychic or otherwise) and i think all of that is still compatible with an artistic and pedagogical approach that centers safety and growth of all involved—i am drawn to these works that make me uncomfortable because they make me think deeply and critically and i think the notion that some of these works are “unstable” inherently makes them worthy of an attempt
#i've been thinking a lot about projects that i want to direct down the line and so many of them fall into that ''unstagable'' (or worse imho#''unproducable'' which is a fucking stupid term producers not wanting to take even minor risk is its own convo) and i remember the reaction#i got when i told people i was directing baal which is incredibly tame compared to some of the work i'm interested directing and being so#shocked at the pearl clutching; i think that it is entirely possible to do extremely difficult work centering safety in the process and it#frustrates me that there are very few producing entities interested in that type of work#anyways—not really going anywhere with this but i am thinking deeply about this + i want to teach a directing class with the focus of#staging the unstagable#anyways. bring on your hamletmachines your jets of bloods your blasteds your cleansed etc. etc.
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I made a little pmv thingy I hope it’s not too cringe for y’all’s taste
#I spent way too long on this#I think I could’ve done better tbh…#Peep the CapCut transitions and filters#Anyways sorry for being cringe again#billford#bill cipher#gravity falls#the book of bill#stanford pines#The song is eventually by tame impala btw#Sigh#I am ashamed and proud
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I randomly get inspired to write weird stuff with Gabriel that I'm usually not even into and a lot of the time I get comments that amount to I'm not into this. Am I? or being surprised they were into it. Gabriel is just randomly inflicting this sort of thing on everyone I suppose
Gabriel Ultrakill has been reclassified as a gateway drug. Please keep an eye out for any suspicious activity.
#i can be your angle or yuor devil#metaphorical piece of ham/cheese that you wrap around a pill before feeding it to a dog#many things can be made palatable if you’re down bad enough#speaking from the heart#I would Not do that. oh but if he wants to it’s okay 🥰#I’m being so tame and normal please. you can’t do this. you can’t enable me#I have work tomorrow I need to. relax#trying and failing pathetically to keep this account somewhat tame#non voice post#ask#asks#ask spam continues.. the dashboard cries#looks around nervously#i am so very scared and terrible at speaking#but if you really want to send me insane things I do have a Different Account For That#you gotta message me for it#but. I mean if you do that just know. I can’t even form coherent sentences#what im trying to say is that I can’t hold a conversation for shit#but. you can always send.. gabe things..#ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGH. pack it up boys. im going to get shot if i continue
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Agh. Looking at some old notes from some of Pac's 2023 October streams and suffering...
Pac calls Pequito his son, saying he looks tired and realizing it’s because he is tired. (10/30)
"I'm afraid that Cell will show up and come here to kill Péquito. I need to protect Péquito, he's very important." (10/30)
"O Mike não tá aqui pra me proteger – Mike isn’t here to protect me." (10/27)
(While talking about Pac's past trauma and Cellbit) - Bagi: Did he do something to you? - Pac: Mmhm. I don't remember well, but it hurt a lot.
(While wondering if the Risus pills could help Cellbit) - Bagi: I don’t think destroying my brother to try and get him black will work. - Pac: ...You’re right. I’m trying to think of drastic measures because I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid. I’m afraid. (10/27)
Considering their recent conversation and Bagi threatening Pac's other leg, this conversation really hurts in retrospect: - Bagi: I know he gets along very well with you now, doesn’t he? - Pac: He’s fine with me. But sometimes he doesn’t remember, that maybe I don’t know, let’s hope. - Bagi: He’ll have to go through me to get to you. Don’t worry, I will protect you with my life, Pac. - Pac: I love Cellbit, we’re a family, and I’m here for whatever you need. Favela until the end. (10/27)
"Survive? I’ve been doing that for the last 20 years of my life, no, I think I– I’m going to die tomorrow." (10/27)
Pac tells Fit that with Richarlyson missing and Mike MIA, he’s “without course” and directionless. (10/16)
#i talk#qsmp talk#Me writing Pac like ''hmm am I overdoing certain things?'' only to look at canon and be like#''actually no I'm being way too tame this man is SEVERELY depressed''
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I get how Wels is really protective of the Hermits, but I think part of that has given Tango some prejudices about the Helsmets. I feel like he thinks of Tanguish as a defanged lion or something, like "oh Helsmets are dangerous, but mine's not so I can hang with him" and he's trying to convince his "parent" to let him keep the wild animal he's found. I feel like Tanguish trying to convince him the other Helsmets don't mean any harm is never going to work, but Tango is also not aware of some of the struggles the Helsmets can go through and doesn't realise they are capable of actually being nice to each other without tearing the other to shreds.
Tango has made one of my favorite blunders in media: he has mistaken no intent to harm with harmless. A harmless thing couldn't hurt you even if it wanted to. A thing with no harmful intent could do a great amount of harm, but does not wish to.
I think you're very right in saying he treats Tanguish like a tame lion. He isn't really a person. He's certainly more of a person to Tango than he is to Welsknight, but he's still a step down. Tanguish is his pet hype man, a rubber duck that happens to occasionally have opinions, a toothless predator.
Personally! I think this is less a flaw of Welsknight's influence, and more a flaw in Tango. Welsknight has done a lot to heck up the situation, don't get me wrong, but his has more to do with making Tango doubt his relationships. Tango didn't treat Tanguish like his own person before Wels found out about him.
#rns asks#letsrevitup#[gestures to the chapter 2 Warden encounter]#look me in the eye and tell me you treat a valued friend with the same flippant disregard for their safety#and Tango did dragging Tanguish to HC to fix a Warden problem he made by being impulsive#granted the hermits dont care quite so much about death and respawn as the helsmets do#death is just a temporary inconvenience#but still most people would warn someone#i am not saying this to smush your headcanon i think youve made an awesome observation#tamed lion is such an amazing way to describe their relationship#i just also think Welsknight -- for all his antagonism -- has been lionized a bit#he is exacerbating and making obvious a problem that was already there#but that doesnt change the fact that it was already there
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the fact that doctors can just Recommend Weight Loss with no instructions beyond ‘eat healthier/less’ is actually insane to me, i lost weight on purpose ONCE and it took me like 6 years to recover a semi-normal relationship with food and hunger
#uhh#disordered eating cw#just in case#mumbling#like jfc i know i’m not the first to say it and my experience is relatively SO tame#but it STILL fucked with my head for YEARS#and most people don’t go nearly that long between weight loss attempts at all for basically their whole lives!!!!!#and we’re so blasé about it like yeah just eat less to lose weight#and so few people talk about the really weird shit that phase of my life taught me even though they seem like pretty universal things#like when you lose weight deliberately by denying yourself food you get COLD#you get cold and you get in your head and you get sad it’s like being less alive#the times i’ve lost weight/recomped on accident (by doing smth that makes me move more‚ getting better sleep etc)#it’s been WARM#burn hotter move freer feel happier#and also the way hunger feels when you’ve been denying yourself food for an extended time is NOT the same as baseline hunger#it’s actually kind of wild that we use the same word to describe both feelings like that shit is NOT the same#that shit is not ‘being really hungry’ it’s a fuckin. blood curse or some shit you feel straight up unhinged#and i should disclaim here i am not talking large amounts of weight#i’ve fluctuated over i think a 20lb range max since reaching close to my adult height and that’s a guesstimate#but even in my relatively unremarkable little experiences here the way deliberate weight loss fucked with my brain is absurd to me#i’m fine now have been for years but seriously thinking back on it the fact that this is routine medical advice. unreal
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#Cutie patootie#Not the 80’s thriller final girl zoom in shot#Surprised the camera didn’t slide up his legs like a beach babe about to die#Love the way he looks next to that bear not even going to lie#william zabka#I am being tame right now with my tags but know I’m still thinking about him getting railed in a dirty alley
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OH YEAH JOY AND WHIMSY I SAW A DEER EARLIER!!!
#not a pikmin post#it’s not often I actually see one!!! I definitely hear them sometimes but I hardly ever catch a glimpse let alone get a photo#it just kind stared at me instead of running away for a few seconds#it looked like it was gonna come up to me which sounds whimsical but it is Not#because usually if wild animals become tame it’s because they might be rabid#but nah this fella was fine. he didn’t actually come any closer and ran off after a few seconds#pleasant fellow. 10/10#and it’s a male deer too!!! I usually only see female deers#look at them antlers!!! so cool!!!#seemed pretty small. must be but a young little fella#keep in mind I know. absolutely nothing about deer#but I just think seeing wild animals is neat. rarely get to see em#a fox once almost ran into me when I was outside writing. scared the shit outta both of us#also seen ducks. those are cool. and some unidentified furry being in the distance#I think it was a fox but it seemed kinda darker than a fox would normally be#coulda been a silver fox but I hiiiighly doubt that. it was twilight so it was hard to tell. oh well#those things are cool as hell tho fr. but it was probably just a cat or raccoon or smthn#also have seen many turtles. and a dead mouse. the dead mouse wasn’t as fun#poor guy drowned it seemed. I gave him a proper burial#aka I shoved it in a hole with a stick because I was too scared to touch it. I’m a true nature expert#I am just yapping at this point GOODNIFHTOOUHHHH IM TIRED
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why did i have to be born with huge tits and curves... i'm butch but i feel like a joke when i see my silhouette
#maybe if i just lose more weight i'll look masc but i know it's my frame itself that's feminine#being visibly dykeish is great with this haircut but i feel like i look silly overall. idk#maybe i'll go back to my wolfcut#but ugh when i had long hair i would get fetishized by every man of color in my vicinity#oh you're so Exotic. LIKE I'M A ZOO ANIMAL#beautiful mix LIKE I'M A DOG!!!#I am a dog but only for handsome women#anyway yeah it's weird as fuck being mixed and having moc so clearly fetishize you#at least white dudes are so lame that the few times they've hit on me it's been really tame and boring#and it rarely ever happens because white guys prefer white women#tangent but i always thought it was interesting how nearly every het couple i have ever seen is two of the same race#while plenty of lesbian couples are mixed
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hellsing and the case study of vanitas crossover would be so cool omg i like how blonde hair green eyed monster-hunter priest that is overly enthusiastic, have superhuman strength thanks to medical enhancement, is a big brother to others in his team and is only loyal to god is a universal thing in both of this media
cute short haired vampire girls with big ahh weapons
and a lot of vampires too (basically vanitas no carte is a manga about vampires)
it would be amusing to see alucard in this setting because according to the vanitas lore vampires are born under red moons and those born under blue moon are cursed, alucard was born in sunrise so hes built different plus that would be interesting to see a new type of vampire being introduced in the vanitas universe
in the vanitas setting there were vampires everywhere but they function and disguise like humans until there is a type of vampire rabbies that make them go bloodlust 🧎♂️ i would like to see alucard get sick with this typa rabbies too
and the vampire biology in vanitas universe allowed vampire and human crossbreed into half vampire half human called dhampir 😭 omg alutegra can have kids in this setting
and the difference is that vanitas is set in france while hellsing is set in england, that explain the big difference in attire etiquette (vanitas is set in 19th century and hellsing is set in 20th)
probably it have to be some sort of time travelling shenanigans that get the hellsing cast into vanitas universe where women dressing in breeches is not new but guns like hellsing arms is definitely a refreshing addition to the lack of gun as a weapon choice in vanitas no carte
i like how the vanitas cast are mostly bourgeois and dressed like one while the hellsing cast is also very high status but due to their job requirementsthey dress in uniforms like military force, it is stated in gonzoverse that there are other true vampires besides alucard that fly under the radar and was not exterminated since they did not pose a threat (idk if hellsing knew about helena’s existence but im sure they must had known and with the way helena phrased it there are more than only her and alucard) so despite france in vanitas universe being swarmed with vampires in hiding i dont think the hellsing cast would butcher them all since the vampires in vanitas universe live by vampire’s underground codes and rules forbid them from attacking human to protect their own people from hunters too
also vanitas no carte is a manga i would recommend because the WOMEN
#hellsing#the case study of vanitas#vanitas no carte#alutegra#crossover#jun mochizuki was the author i grew up with#she was the reason i can draw laces and victorian gothic dresses i am forever in debt#i love vampire medias#omw to go thru all vampire medias so i can make AU and put alutegra in those alternate universes#and while we are at it might as well pour castlevania into the mix#roland use durandal and trevor use morningstar which are both whips#hellsing and belmont being colleagues since they are both vampire hunter families#alucard tepes is a dhampir#looking at my post again i realized i may had choose a too tamed image for roland fortis#putting him side by side with anderson makes roland looks like a coughing baby#but i swear roland is scary af i am glad that he is on the protagonist side because he is fucking uncanny scary in battle mode
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Who decided the drow should have so much fucking lore anyway.
('I should've been a drow.' You can't fucking stand Cazador or your 'siblings' you would not fucking want to be a drow. Although I guess Astarion would make a fair Vhaeraunite.)
#babbling#I'm still working on it and the many many fucking novels I don't really want to read#but at the same time my dwarves are calling me away from the elfyness#there was a giant red cardinal loose in the mines until it ran into the tavern in a panic and the human merc staying there killed it#I wanted to catch and tame it to make a dwarven aerial cavalry of giant blood-red passerines#now there's dead bird everywhere and nobody actually wanted to do cleaning work and everybody's being sick#possibly because half the work force is severely disabled#because they ran off to beat a giant snapping turtle to death and got limbs torn off#I told them not to fucking go fishing but nnOOooo#that's slowing things down a bit#We spent weeks huddled in a hole in the ground eating raw horseflesh and staring at nothing due to trauma#bleeding through amateurish stiches done by a dying one-handed dwarf with no medical training#while one of the dwarves sat in the other corner carving bone into jewellery while seething with homicidal rage#We have no textiles industry; some of the dwarves are wandering around swathed in bone jewellery and crowns like morbid monarchs#But their clothes are tattered rags clinging to their heavily scarred flesh by threads#the mining team has to double as the militia because they've grown to crave violence for some reason - especially the medical staff#Can't wait for the elven diplomat to turn up and start bitching about the logging industry#Like look you cannibalistic fuck; these dwarves are a hairsbreadth away from descending into berserker-rage and slaughtering us all#I am not making them sleep in the dirt because you oppose me turning the odd tree into a bedframe or a barrel because we are ALWAYS#ALWAYS on the verge of running out of alcohol#...#Either this sounds insane or you know exactly what I'm talking about#I'm going to make a DnD session out of this methinks
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The problem is. When I go, "Oh, this system is bullshit" and try to live outside it. My choices are still defined by that system. And that makes me feel really weird.
#I love being a woman so much but jfc am I having strange feelings about what that means in a societal sense lately#and like. obviously the most important thing is to unapologetically be my authentic self. which I try to do every day.#but sometimes it's VERY hard to tell what my authentic self is versus what I'm rebelling against versus what society tells me I am#and it would be GREAT if I could find OTHER PEOPLE who felt like this but that would require me airing out all my baggage and#no one wants that.#(okay. like. tame example. I think it's absolute bullshit that women are expected to shave. and for the most part I don't. and I don't care#whether other people do or not. but I HATE the way that armpit hair feels on my body. so I do usually shave that. I would shave that even i#there was no cultural expectation for women to shave at all. but I feel like a bad person for complying with this cultural standard even if#the reasons for it have nothing to do with gaining general acceptance or appealing to some Standard of Femininity.)#(and it's not that me making this choice is like. Inherently Feminist™ it's not. but it feels ANTI-feminist. and then if you map this to#a bunch of other more serious shit..............)#it's rough out here!#(and then there's the fact that I'm CONSTANTLY bombarded with '''''takes''''' claiming that women don't actually suffer under the patriarch#and that misogyny isn't real. but the t/rfs keep trying to have a monopoly on THAT conversation and I do NOT want to be associated#with them because THEY ARE ALSO WRONG. AND THEY DON'T ACTUALLY SUPPORT THE LIBERATION OF WOMEN LMAO)#(so then it's just like wow! I really do feel incredibly alone! nothing resonates with me at all!)#In the Vents
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ngl i love checking on your account from time to time. but the whiplash is insane on some of your posts 😭
it was the previous post, wasn’t it.. my bad. I forget I’m not the only one on here and that this is the equivalent of flashing my dick to a crowd who came to all sit around and read in a circle.
I’ll act more accordingly next time, promise.
#in fact I am not promising#this was a daily occurrence on my old blog#for the real ones#posting about being hard is pretty tame to say the least#then we won’t delve further in the degenerative need to be spit on by a girl#and the list goes on#yes there is piss in there#whiplashed anon?#★ asher tries to answer.. shit.
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🦈2
#even tho it was so hard for me. ofc when u can only communicate via the internet so much is lost i think... sm extra things u need to be#more secure kinda? like physical presence does a lot on its own#but yeah.. ok i actually wrote more but u can only have 30tags per post and safari on ur phone does not tell u when it's stopping so half o#what i wrote just disappeared ._. i cant rmbr what i said... and i mean this is just for myself to vent but grr im so annoyed#yeah just that he was sm more patient than i realized. i just was in the start of learning how to live w my avpd#i wasnt able to do a lot. even if i wanted to. he helped me sm to uncover things in myself to start that thing within me#i just desperately wish i had found him earlier and that i've been this far along in my anti avpd limitation abilities.... truly wish that#so im trying to accept it and just think bc i dont have a choice :') i've never wanted anyone like this and that just is how it is#i will always love him simply bc he is who he is#he's so so cool and amazing to me in so so many ways. and i always loved just how he talks and communicates bc it resonates w me#and there are simply sm details i just adore. but yeah... i probably shouldnt think abt that? i feel like.. it isnt my place to think abt i#but it is what it is but it hurts so incredibly much. will i ever be able to let go of him? the love i couldve experienced? the wonderful#person i couldve been with? will i be able to stop thinking abt all his great qualities and how much i wish he was mine? and all the things#wanna do and talk abt with him? he's just.. he just is .. i cant describe it. it feels like more than just earthly love...#maybe i sound insane or too intense or dramatic or smth but.. it feels so much larger than everything#so i struggle sm with letting go bc i want to touch him and i want to love him and i just want to be with him and experience everything w h#but that isnt my place. i know... why.. have i only ever felt like this w him... what do i do with this?? am i crazy? am i going insane? is#there smth wrong with me?#he is worthy of everything and he is so so wonderful but is there smth wrong w me for being so..#for having love that actually truly is all consuming? what is this... it's scary. esp when i cant unleash it. it's like a wild beast i have#to learn how to tame. and i want to be able to find mutual love too. but i cant force anything. will the universe grant me that?#i cant imagine myself ever being able of letting go of him but if that is what the universe has planned then..#ok im actually starting to sound intense and weird and idk O.O i think i think too much#.. it hurts that i wont get to do all of the things and talk abt all the things i wanna do w him. i'll never get to hug him...#if i could ask for only one thing it'd be one hug from him....#maybe is ound crazy but with all my disorders and feeling disconnected from the world.. and finding someone that makes me feel tethered#and safe and real.. and having to let go bc it just wasnt meant for me... why is the universe so cruel.#in the end i care abt him so much i just want him to be loved. i want him to finally feel loved.#someone else.. someone else without avpd can do that for him. i want him to be oh so so loved and .. yeah.. :(#i wish i couldve loved him as he deserves but .. its not my place. not my place... all i want is to hear his voice and live in his arms
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trey and riddle are so funny btw. if they ever do something Kind Of Strange Or Bizarre and then get called out about it theyre like What. No. No That Wasn't Weird. I'm A Very Regular and Normal Boy.
#the difference being trey is like. MOSTLY pretty tame aside from a few sklfjskljefklejs goofy guy behavior things#he is not immune to his Quirks and Teehees. the longer u squint at him the more ur like hey wait... ur a lil weird actually kldjsjfkldsj#riddle on the other hand.#riddle. riddle my baby son. freak of a boy. absolutely abnormal behavior 24/7 but INSISTS hes being PERFECTLY REASONABLE ALWAYS!!!!!#god hes so funny i love you riddle rosehearts my little son#'i am a normal person who behaves like any other average regular person would' ok. me when i lie. whatever.
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