#I am asking the important questions at 4 in the morning naturally

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

Ok guys who are we casting as who in a How To Train Your Dragon South Park au. Like obviously Kyle as Astrid, Stan as Hiccup, Cartman as Snotlout (yall know I’m onto something w that) but who else is who? Go!

[house-of-lovin]

legally binded - 9

Jenna Ortega x F!Reader

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Chapter 9 : Grand Prix and Grand Gestures

Summary: After getting caught in some hot waters with the press, you are forced into an unexpected agreement with America's sweetheart, Jenna Ortega to save your career.

Warnings/Tags: famous!reader, actress!reader, mentions of substances, intoxication, mature language, real people. (do not read if any of these make you uncomfortable)

(this is all fiction!)

Note: sorry for the long wait for this new chapter, just enjoying my summer yk! anyways, thanks for your guys' continued support and patience! much love!!

Word Count: 5.6k+

When Jenna stepped out of her room at precisely 4:45 AM, with the early morning sun yet to rise, the last thing she expected to find was the shared kitchen to be a mess. 

Courtesy of you, of course. ‘Cause who else?

“What the hell are you doing to our kitchen?” Jenna croaked out, running a hand against the plastered wall as a guide as she tiredly rubbed her sleep-filled eyes with the other. When the blurring in her vision goes away, they settle on you looking… wired, like you’d had three cups of espresso already. 

“Good morning!” You whispered, admiring her messy bedhead with a large toothy smile. “I’m making you breakfast.”

“Why?” She asked, voice hoarse. You rolled your eyes as you passed her a steaming mug of coffee without a word causing her to flick a brow up, opting to take a sip instead of questioning it. 

“I’m making you breakfast so you don’t go to work hungry, again.” You explained matter-of-factly, turning your back to check on the stove. The younger actress couldn’t stave off her surprise that you’ve noticed her skipping the most important meal of the day. “Now I’m not the best cook. But, I learned a thing or two about making a mean avocado toast, and since you’re vegetarian… it’s really the only thing I can make you.”

Jenna didn’t expect her heart to be racing so early in the morning. Since your talk, the two of you have been more at ease around the other; falling back into that natural banter, every once in a while. But she can’t lie… the friends' agreement has been difficult to follow through with, especially since you’ve started with gestures such as this. 

The younger actress finds she’s started to… allow herself to enjoy these domestic moments with you, knowing that now, feelings are very much reciprocated — just, without a label yet. 

Placing the steaming mug down on the kitchen island, she chose not to comment on how her coffee was made exactly how she liked it. “I appreciate the gesture, Y/N. I hope you didn’t wake up early just to make me breakfast.”

You turned off the stove, took the pan off the burner, and rolled your eyes. “Get off your high horse, I was already up.” Turning around with the pan still in your hand. 

“You were already up or you didn’t go to sleep?” She countered, expression flat.

You smiled sheepishly, “Jet lag is kicking my ass.”

Jenna snorted and watched as you plated the perfectly-browned toast on a dish and spread some avocados on top; garnishing it with the utmost (adorable) concentration on your face before sliding the plate across the island with a small but proud grin. 

“Consider it compliments of the chef,” you send her a playful wink, glancing down. Jenna follows your line of sight, reading the printed words on the apron. 

Kiss the Chef.

She tried to fight the smile creeping on her face but it proved futile when she felt the familiar warmth enveloping her pale morning cheeks. 

“You’re not as smooth as you think you are…” Was the best response the younger actress could trust herself to utter. “When did you even buy that?”

You laughed, picking up your own cup of coffee. “I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

Jenna ignored you, electing to take a bite of the toast. She almost felt bad for eating something that you put so much effort towards. But when she takes a bite, she finds herself letting out a muffled moan, making you flush red at the sound. “Holy shit, what did you put in this?”

Plastering a smile, you teased, “it’s a secret.”

“You’re annoying…” Jenna covered her mouth, as she ate. 

“Finish eating or you’ll be late.” You reminded, taking off the apron. The time zone change still messed with your internal body clock, meaning at times, you’d still be up when Jenna awoke for a day of work.

You noted the times she got up and at which of those mornings she managed to eat. After the third day of her waking up late, you decided that the next day you’d be kind and make her a healthy breakfast, knowing it’s often difficult to find time to eat during a busy day of filming. 

“Wait…” Jenna called out before you could leave the kitchen. “What are you doing today?”

You racked your brain; thinking for a moment. “I gotta start packing for Monaco, I leave this Wednesday.”

Jenna remembered you telling her that you’ve been invited to the F1 Grand Prix. She doesn’t really understand the race, but she found your childlike glee over a bunch of cars… endearing. It’s slightly childish that she feels a bit upset by you leaving so suddenly, but these last few weeks have felt blissful ever since your confession. She finds herself wanting to stay in this bubble the two of you have created for as long as she can. “Oh, right…”

“Why, what’s up?”

“Nothing… just wondering ‘cause my family’s actually flying in this weekend,” Jenna admitted, gauging your reaction, noting the way you stood straighter on your feet.

“They are?” 

Jenna hummed. “Yeah, they’re here for a week. They were gonna stay at a hotel but if you’re going to Monaco then…”

You blinked, unsure if you should ask why she didn’t tell you her family was flying in sooner. “Oh yeah, no problem. Listen, it’s your apartment.” 

Jenna rolled her eyes, correcting you, “It’s our apartment. You’re living here too.”

Chuckling, you averted your eyes. “Well, in that case. Mi casa es su casa.”

“Your Spanish needs a bit of work...” But Jenna can’t fight her smile.

“Rude,” laughing, you added, “it’s probably best to skip town though— your family’s probably still mad at me.”

Jenna immediately rounds the counter to stand in front of you, shaking her head in denial. “They’re not mad, Y/N. I already told you.”

You shoot her a grimaced smile, “I know, I’m just joking, but I’m still scared of your sisters… Also, your mom may or may not have texted me about that paparazzi pic of you smoking cigarettes.”

Her brows raised, as her jaw dropped, “she did?”

You hummed in response.

“Fuck…” She grumbled, causing you to laugh. “What did she say?”

“Nothing you haven’t already heard from her Instagram stories…” You smirked, enjoying her annoyed scowl. 

“Shut up.”

“Hey, it’ll be alright.” You placed a hand on her shoulder, lightly rubbing it. Ignoring the way she straightened her posture at your touch. “A scolding is probably the most you’ll get out of her.”

“I’m 20 years old, I can do whatever I want.” Dropping your hand, you laughed again.

“You may think you’re grown but she’s always going to be your mom. She’s just looking out for you. Not to mention, she’s a nurse, what'd you expect?” You jest but she rolled her eyes, staring up at you with a slight pout in her frown causing your heart to stop dead in its tracks; desperately trying to stare at her lips for too long. 

Maybe it was the confession, or the ‘clearing the air’ that you two have done. But every touch and look from Jenna feels weighted — in a pleasant way, this time.

She sighed heavily, leaning her hip on the kitchen island. “I know… it’s just embarrassing.”

“At least you know she cares.” You chuckled, patting her shoulder reassuringly before walking off to the living room. 

She ignored the possible meaning behind your words. Although she’d love to dive into the story of your mom and hear it from your account, maybe having that conversation at five o’clock in the morning isn’t the best idea.

“Come on, finish up and go shower. You’re gonna be late.” You called out behind you before plopping on the couch.

“You better wash those dishes…”

“Ugh, later.” You groaned. “I need a nap.”

—

Jenna (2:35 PM): hope you’re having a great time in Monaco 🖤

“Get off your phone…” Tom said before snatching the device right from your hand. 

“Dude…”

“You’re in Monaco with the best cars and drivers in the entire world and you’re glued to your phone – what’re you looking at anyway.” the Brit commented, reading the text before you could stop him. “Aw… how cute, she sent a heart.”

“Shut up. You literally made us late ‘cause you spent all night talking to Z.” Attempting to grab your phone back was futile when he held it out of reach, tossing it to Link who was enjoying this interaction judging by the large grin smacked on his face. 

“She’s my girlfriend.” Tom defended but it fell on deaf ears as soon as you saw Link begin to scroll through your past messages with Jenna.

“Link… give it back, I need to respond!” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll text her back.” Link winked before typing a response. You immediately leapt out of your seat, plucking your phone out of his grasp but it was too late, he’d already sent the message.

“Thinking about you? Really?” You deadpanned despite the warmth coursing fervently through your cheeks. “You’re such an ass…”

“You’re just mad that I finally said what you were really thinking.” He called out as you walked away, fingers slightly trembling as you hit the call button. You wait a few (agonizingly long) seconds, listening to the line ring.

“Hey…” 

“Oh, hey,” there was some shuffling on the other line, “I was just about to text you back.” 

“About that… sorry about that text, Link was being an asshole and took my phone.” You muttered sheepishly; trembling fingers picking at your trousers to counter the nerves that suddenly overcame you.

“Oh? So you weren’t thinking about me?” Her tone is light and teasing. You paint a mental image of her bright, wide smile that usually accompanied her playful taunts; it sent a flurry of butterflies swarming around in your belly.

You pass it off as a stomach ache from your breakfast this morning.

“Come on…” You trail off, not wanting to admit it.

“Wow, I see how it is…”

“Jenna…” You sighed, dropping your fiddling fingers. “Of course, I was thinking about you.”

The line is silent as Jenna doesn’t respond and suddenly you feel embarrassed at your school-girl-like confession. Though it’s technically only been two days since you left London for Monaco, you’d be lying straight through your teeth if you were to deny the fact that you’ve been thinking about the younger actress since the moment you stepped out of the shared apartment.

“I’ve been thinking about you too.” Jenna replied in a small voice. Her admittance causes your heart to stop momentarily but what you couldn’t stop, however, was the satisfied smile creeping on your lips.

Was it pathetic that all Jenna had to do was say a simple, cliché sentence to you and you were practically a puddle on the floor? Maybe, but you couldn’t care less about that right now.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah…” 

“Glad we’re on the same page then…” You uttered, glancing around, hoping no one could see your Cheshire grin. Immediately catching Tom and Link at the other end of the balcony making kissing faces at you. You stick up the not-so-nice finger at them before turning your back on the two men, ignoring their blatant and obnoxious laughter, “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything when I called.”

Jenna was supposed to be on set working today, you’d hate to interrupt a busy day’s work…. That’s a lie, this phone call was totally worth it.

“Oh no, you didn’t. I’m actually at the apartment.”

“I thought you’d still be on set?”

“Um, about that…” She trails off in a sheepish tone.

“Jen? What’s wrong?” You asked, panic evident.

“I might’ve—uh—injured myself at work today.” She admitted.

“What?! Are you okay? How? Do you need me to come ba—“

“Y/N… breathe.” She interjects your nervous questioning but it merely goes over your head. Your nerves sky-rocketing the longer she doesn’t answer your questions.

“Are you okay?” You repeated what you really needed to know first.

“I’m fine, I promise,” she chuckled, “just a sprained ankle. I twisted it during rehearsal. It’s not a big deal but they sent me home early to rest.”

“Are you icing it? Keeping it elevated? You know what, send me a picture I wanna see if the swelling is bad.” 

Jenna’s laughter doubles. “I’m okay. I promise. Yes, I'm icing it and yes I’m keeping it elevated. You don't have to play doctor. I’ll even send you a picture, just relax.”

“I’m just worried.”

“I know you are.” She said, almost like she was endeared. “But like I said, it’s just a sprained ankle. They gave me crutches, so I’m good.”

“Crutches?! Do I need to come back home?”

Jenna ignored how her heart swooped at the word: home.

“No,” she laughed, “enjoy your time with the boys and your cars. You looked good on that racetrack, you sure being an actress is your calling?”

You rolled your eyes at her choice of timing for a joke, “You know I’ll leave them in a heartbeat. Just say the word and I’ll be on the first flight back.”

On the other end of the line, Jenna is torn between swooning and mentally cursing you for being so sweet. She bit her lip to subdue the smile creeping in, “that’s very sweet, Y/N, but I promise. I’ll be okay, my family’s flying in on Sunday anyway. I’ll be fine until then.”

You sighed unsurely, “Are you sure?” That’s still a few days where she’d have to be alone until someone could help her around the house.

“Yes! Now go, enjoy Monaco. Maybe I’ll even turn on the racing channel or whatever and get a glimpse of you.”

“You did not just say the racing channel…”

“Go!” She laughed and this time, you relent at her assured tone. 

“Fine… but if anything else happens, call me, please?”

“You’ll be the first one to know, I promise.”

“Okay…” You take a deep breath hoping to calm your nerves. If Jenna says she’s okay, then you have no reason to go against her wishes. “I’ll text you?”

“Mhmm. Bye, be safe.”

“Bye…” You hang up, dropping the phone from your ear, anxiously tapping it against your other hand as you contemplate your options.

“That was a long call,” Link swung his arm over your shoulder, leaning into your side. “You already miss your girl? It’s only been a day.”

“Quit it. She’s not my girl.” You back-hand him squarely on the stomach causing him to heave out a rough, pained puff. The satisfaction of seeing your best friend in pain was a dull noise in the background of your restless thoughts. “She injured herself on set, I was just making sure she’s okay.”

You chewed on your lip nervously, ignoring Link’s probing eyes as he scanned your faraway look.

“Is it serious?”

“No, just a sprained ankle.”

Link continued to observe you; seeing straight through you. An amused smile painted itself squarely on his lips. “... you’re gonna leave, aren’t you?” 

—

“What the— I told you to stay. What are you doing here?”

“And I told you to send me a picture of your sprain.”

Jenna frowned, closely watching as you slipped the duffle bag off your shoulders; landing on the hardwood with a loud thud. 

“Get back on the couch. You shouldn’t be walking.” You ordered, briefly scanning her head-to-toe and letting out a concealed sigh of relief that her ankle didn’t seem too bad. 

“I’m injured, not crippled.” She replied unamused. You meet her eyes, mimicking her expression until the brunette realized you’re not backing down. “Fine…”

“Let me help you.” You stepped forward, taking a closer look at her injury. Her left ankle was covered in a compression wrap as she hobbled around with a single crutch. 

“I’m fine.”

“Jenna, let me help.” You said in a serious tone, not backing down.

She rolled her eyes, slowly turning around with her crutch to walk back to the living room, hoping you missed her rosy cheeks. She ignored the intense thudding in her chest as you walked together. The thought of you leaving a trip that obviously meant a lot to you, sent the younger actress’ heart into a frenzy. 

“What are you doing here?” The younger actress asked again once she was comfortably seated on the sofa.

You took a seat beside her, “I was worried.”

“I told you I was fine, you’re acting like I’m on my deathbed.”

Rolling your eyes, you grabbed the pillow behind you and placed it between you and Jenna. Scooting back to gesture for her to rest the injured ankle on the pillow. “I wouldn’t have enjoyed the race knowing that you’re back in London with an injury… so, I left.”

Jenna stayed silent, not trusting herself to say what she was really feeling. So she opted to stare as you examined her wrapped ankle, seemingly satisfied that her injury wasn’t as bad as you had thought.

“I’m just trying to be a good friend… and roommate.” You joked, grabbing the discarded remote off the coffee table. Ignoring the way your skin burned the longer she stared at you unspeaking.

Jenna snorted at your words, grabbing the pillow behind her and playfully lunging it at you. You caught the feeble attempt. “Right, roommate.”

You laughed at the tone that accompanied her words, “how did you hurt yourself anyway?”

If Jenna’s cheeks turned any rosier, she’d be the human embodiment of a tomato. It was embarrassing, really and she blames Aliyah for sending that video. 

She might’ve been too distracted watching a clip of you and Tom walking along the racetrack, waving to the crowd. As luck would have it, she was supposed to be rehearsing for a scene, walking over to her next marking. However, one misstep over a wire sent her ankle twisting in an abnormal way. “I wasn’t paying attention to the marking on the floor and I tripped over a loose wire.”

Jenna was definitely not going to tell you the truth. You’d never let her hear the end of it.

You sent her a questioning look, “I don’t know whether to laugh or feel bad.”

“Is it too late for you to go back to Monaco?” She joked, straight-faced.

“I’m kidding, of course, I feel bad.“ You settled back into a comfortable position.

“How did you get back so fast?” She inquired.

“It’s only a two-hour flight.”

Glancing at the clock on the wall, Jenna noted that you were on the phone merely two and a half hours ago. “You got through security that fast?”

You blush red.

As soon as the jet landed on the tarmac and the seatbelt lights turned off, you were posted by the doors; impatiently tapping your foot on the floor.

“Miss L/N, your driver is waiting just outside.” The flight attendant alerted you. You nodded, sending a tight-lipped smile.

“Thank you.”

When the doors opened and the stairs hit the pavement, you were already rushing down the steps, making eye contact with the driver.

“Miss, I can take your bags.”

“That’s alright.” You tossed them in the back seat before shutting the doors. “How fast can you get back to the apartment?”

“GPS says 45 minutes but there is heavy traffic on the highway.” 

“I’ll drive.” You held your hand out. He looked unsure before seeing that you were not playing around, swiftly handing the keys over.

“Yes, ma’am.”

You made sure to tip the man handsomely after noticing his white-knuckle grip on the grab handles as you maneuvered through said traffic.

“Uh yeah and I got lucky, no traffic. Anyways….wanna watch Breaking Bad? Unless you finished it already, in that case, we can watch something else.” You changed the subject, Jenna didn’t need to know how you drove that SUV like it was a race car and broke multiple speeding laws just to get here.

“No, Breaking Bad is good. I haven’t watched it since we were at my parents' house.”

You turn, evidently surprised that she kept your unspoken promise. Trying to hide your growing smile, you face the TV again before the staring becomes too obvious.

“Me too.”

—

“Are you sure you’re fine to go to work today? It’s only been like, a day.”

It’s Sunday morning, too early for anyone to be awake. With the sky still covered in a blanket of darkness, you tiredly lean against the wall, trying your best to string coherent words together as you reason with Jenna, who lightly limped around the large room as she gets ready for work.

“Technically, it’s been two.” She glanced at you momentarily. “I don’t want to delay production.” 

“Jenna, you're injured. They can get a stand-in or just not film your scenes today.” You argued. Having had your fair share of on-set injuries, you knew that a major film could afford to delay filming for the sake of an injury. This was merely Jenna’s workaholic tendencies making her feel that she couldn’t stop working. “They can and should accommodate for you, Jenna.”

At your gruffed tone, Jenna dropped what she was looking for, walking over to stand in front of you. “Hey…”

You glanced at your hands, ignoring her soft tone. “Look at me, please?”

Jenna grabbed your hand, drawing your attention to her. “I’ll be okay. If my ankle starts to bother me, I’ll let the director know.”

“You promise?” You asked, glancing down when she started rubbing soft lines against your skin.

“I promise.” She squeezed for good measure.

You studied her soft gaze, attentive to the assured glimmer behind them. Letting out a sigh, you pushed your worries aside. “Okay.”

She smiled at your obvious concern, dropping your hand to walk back to the living room. 

You try not to draw attention to the way your fingers twitched at the loss of contact. “By the way, my family will be here at noon. Are you good to be alone with them while I’m at work?”

“Yeah… I think I’ll be fine.” To distract yourself, you walked off to the kitchen, grabbing a mug for your morning coffee; allowing a gentle silence to envelop the room as Jenna hobbled around and gathered her things.

“Crap!” Jenna suddenly said, emerging out of her room.

“What?” You turned, slightly startled. “What’s wrong?”

“I forgot to set up the guest bedroom for them.”

“Oh.” Your shoulders dropped. “I already did it, don’t worry.”

Her brows raised, “you called the housekeeper already?”

“No. I did it myself. We don’t need him.”

Jenna seemed surprised if the raised brows were anything to go by. It was amusing truly, but you elected to stay silent, turning back to make your coffee.

“Thank you…” She finally said.

“Don’t mention it.” You shrugged, “If you want, I can pick up your family at the airport too. Heathrow is a bitch to navigate.”

Jenna didn’t respond, just staring at your back from her spot in the living room. You were unaware of her internal turmoil.

“Jen?” You turned around when you realized she didn’t reply; just staring at you with an unwavering intensity. “Jenna?”

“What?” She blinked a couple of times. “What did you say?”

“I said I can pick up your family from the airport.” You sipped on the steaming mug, a single brow flicking upright in question.

“Oh–uh, no. T-That’s alright, I’m sending a car over to pick them up.” She stuttered pathetically; grateful that the dim lights from the lamp in the corner of the room did well to hide the crimson rising over her neck. “You shouldn’t be seen at Heathrow. You might get spotted.”

“I can wear a disguise.” You thought out loud.

Jenna snorted, pushing away her inner strife. “Oh yeah? Like what, a baseball hat and sunglasses?”

“Hey, it works!” You defended. “Not everyone can just blend in with their height.”

“Was that a short joke?” Jenna arched a sharp brow.

“Nope.” You stood wide-eyed. “Oh hey, I just remembered I left something in my room. Okay. Bye. Have a good day at work.”

Jenna laughed as you scurried off to your bedroom, glad that she hasn’t lost her edge with you.

—

“I can’t believe you cancelled on the driver.” 

The younger actress said as soon as you swung the front door open. Faintly, she can hear the familiar sounds of laughter farther into the apartment. “You’re so stubborn.”

“You act like that’s a new fact.” You snicker, a pleased smile plastered on your lips. “I’d like an apology by the way. The disguise worked perfectly — just like I said it would.”

“You’re too much sometimes.” She shook her head, stepping into the hall. 

“In the best way, though. Right?” You asked, letting her in.

“If it helps you sleep better.” Jenna shrugged, chucking her work bag on the side table.

“Now look who’s being stubborn.” You replied with a knowing smile.  “Go say hi and then wash up. Natalie and I are making dinner.”

She raised her brows in surprise as you walked away. Her footsteps faltering when she walks into the living room. Gaze instantly landing on her sisters and Dad lounging on the couch, in the corner of her eyes she finds her mom who was chopping up vegetables on the kitchen island. 

“Hey, guys…” She said slowly, still taking the scene in front of her.

“Jen!” Mia sprung up from her seat and tugged her sister into a tight hug. 

One by one, Aliyah, her dad and her mom sauntered over to greet and fret over her. Sentiments of I miss you, echoing in the vast apartment.

“It’s good to see you, honey.” Her mom said with a smile. “I hope you’ve been taking care of that ankle.”

Jenna rolled her eyes at her Mom’s fretting but nodded reassuringly. “I’m okay, Mom. Y/N’s been helping me.”

“So I’ve heard.” She winked, walking away.

“Uh– you guys made yourselves comfortable…” Jenna cleared her throat as she watched how her mom swiftly walked back to the kitchen where you were leaning against the island, observing her family with a small smile.

“Y/N said to make yourselves at home. Blame her.” Aliyah said, tugging her onto the couch. “How’s filming been? How’s working with Winona Ryder, tell me everything!”

“Great uh–what’s for dinner?” Was the first question the actress asked, too distracted by watching your concentrated expression. The slight scrunch in your forehead as you closely listened to her mom’s instructions was more interesting than what her sister was asking her.

“Mom’s teaching her how to make frijoles.” Mia smirked at her sister’s doe-eyed look. 

“Oh…” Jenna replied with a vacant tone. “Sounds good.”

“Do you have any pictures in your wardrobe—“

“Why frijoles?” She added, interrupting Aliyah when she tried to spark another series of questions.

“Y/N heard it was one of your favourites, said she wanted to learn how to make it for you.” Mia replied, her tone smug.

“She did?” Jenna’s brow raised, still unable to look away from you. 

“I think we lost her,” Aliyah sighed to Mia, giving up on having her questions answered.

Jenna rolled her eyes when her sisters burst into laughter, blinking back to reality. “Shut up. What were you saying?” 

She forced herself to look away and give her undivided attention to her sisters. Pretending not to notice as you kept glancing at her from the kitchen.

—

“Wow this looks amazing, are you sure you helped, Y/N?” Aliyah teased from the dining table.

“Ha-ha, you’re hilarious.” You mocked, walking over with a bowl of guacamole, placing it at the centre of the table. “Wait ‘till you try my guac.”

“I always make the that.” Jenna trailed off, sneaking a peek at the bowl.

“I know.” You took your seat beside her. “Your mom showed me how you like to make it. I hope it’s close.”

“I think I’ll be the judge of that…” She reached for a chip and dipped a large chunk into the green goodness. You watched intently for a reaction but she gave you none; continuing to chew on. 

“It’s good.” She finally says.

“That’s it?”

“What? I said it’s good.” Jenna laughed at your sullen expression; almost feeling bad. Once your bottom lip popped out in disappointment, she dropped her act, reaching for your arm and squeezing it. “I’m kidding. It’s great, it tastes exactly how I make it back home… but you know, you can’t beat the original.”

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. “I think I’ll be the judge of that.” You repeated her words.

Before Jenna can reply with a quip, her mom walked over with the last bowl of food, disrupting your conversation. But it was all forgotten when the younger actress’ nose welcomed the familiar scent of all of her favourite dishes. She enthusiastically eyed the various dishes scattered on the table, not having had her family’s cooking in what felt like forever. Living with you wasn’t bad – actually, it’s been more than great, but you were serious when you said you lacked skills in the kitchen. That resulted in dinners mostly being take-out these days.

“Have you tried frijoles before?” Jenna asked you. 

“Uh–no.” You blushed. “I actually didn’t even know they were beans until today.”

“You’ll love it.” She grinned, reaching over to plate you a generous helping. You refused to tell her that you didn’t necessarily love beans because her excited expression overpowered any dislike you had for the legume.

—

“You’re still up?” You called out after a brief glance, the pitter-patter of light footsteps coming down the hall, alerting you of her presence.

“Mhm, I heard the clanking of dishes from my room.” She replied, leaning against the counter, watching as you dried off the dishes one by one. “What’re you doing?”

“Sorry. I’ll keep it down.” You grimaced apologetically. “I couldn’t sleep so I figured I’d unload the dishes.”

“It’s okay, I’m actually not too tired too.” She stepped forward, only an arm’s length away from you. “Can I help?”

Wordlessly, you passed her a dry cloth and a bowl from the dishwasher. For a while, silence enveloped the room. You were grateful that you and the brunette can exist in silence, sometimes. Her mere presence provided a certain level of comfort that you’re still trying to get used to.

“So…” She spoke up after a few minutes, gaining your attention. “You’re really pulling out all the stops, huh.”

You raise an amused brow at the baiting look in her eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jenna would’ve believed that statement if it weren’t for the small smile at the corner of your lips telling her otherwise.

“Right… so, you just pick up all your friends’ parents from the airport and do chores, willingly.”

“I’m turning over a new leaf.” You shrugged, continuing to wipe away remnants of water from the plate. Hoping the mundane action hid your trembling fingers well.

“Oh, are you?”

“Yup.”

“So this isn’t you trying to win me over?”

“Me try to win you over? Whaaat?” You puffed out an airy scoff, “that’s ridiculous. I would never. I wholeheartedly respect your decision.” 

But the crinkle in your eyes told her that you were enjoying this way too much.

“Sure…” Jenna rolled her eyes, “even if you are just doing this out of the kindness of your own heart—“

“Which, I am.”

Jenna sends a playful glower at your interruption. 

“Just wanted to put that on record.” You added.

“Thank you.” Jenna declared, her tone soft yet serious. “You’ve been incredible these last few days.”

“Oh.” You blink, a pleased smile plastered on your face. “You’re welcome, Jen. It’s no big deal.”

“It’s a big deal to me.” The bowl and cloth in her hands were long forgotten on the counter as she closed the distance between you. “No one’s ever done any of… this, for me—thank you.”

The air feels charged as she suddenly looks at you with that doe-eyed stare. Feeling like your heart rate instantly doubles, the longer she stares at you like that.

“What? Be nice?” You said evenly, “You need to set your standards higher.”

She huffed at your antics. “I’m being serious.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop.” you laughed shakily, trying to gather some semblance of control over your racing pulse. “Like I said, it’s not a big deal, Jen… cause I’d do anything for you.”

She blinked, voice caught in her throat she took in the serious glint in your eyes; voice dripping with conviction 

“And this isn’t me trying to win you over. You’ll know when I do.”

The younger actress’ body feels like it’s on fire the longer she listens to your words. 

“Uh, sorry, too much?” You said apologetically when she remained unspeaking. 

But Jenna was already shaking her head, a faraway look in her eyes that you couldn’t quite decipher. 

“No…” She murmured, her sight drifting down to your lips before they flicker back up to your eyes. “Not at all.”

“Okay…” Your gaze bore intently into hers, waiting to see if she’ll make the first move. “Good.”

For a brief moment, her eyes flicker back down for a second time but then she’s blinking out of her self-induced stupor, “um–I should go to sleep. I need to be up early.” Jenna hoped her ogling on your soft lips wasn’t too obvious. 

She steps back and almost instantaneously, the tension in the room dissipates with each movement she takes. 

You nod, smiling softly despite the slight tinge of disappointment you felt; knowing that you shouldn’t rush into this with her. “Good idea, you should rest your ankle… good night, Jenna.”

Just before you turned back to grab the discarded dry cloth, Jenna takes a hesitant step—before she can lose her nerve and leaned up to plant her lips on the pad of your cheek.

Your brain felt like it short-circuited; not having felt her lips in forever as your skin burned against the delicate contact.

“Good night, Y/N.” She whispered, her soft lips grazing your cheek in a way that drove you crazy.

Before your brain could rewire itself well enough to form a response, Jenna was already turning around to retreat back to her room.

Biting your lip to contain the growing smile, you couldn’t look away from her figure until she disappeared behind the door.

Shit…

You’re in deeper than you thought.

——

if there was any mistakes… look away (i tried my best 🧍‍♀️)

taglist is closed

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[sweeter-innocence-fics]

Click My Heels But I Am Stuck Here - Epilogue

Pairing: Rolan x Tav

Work Summary:

Rolan is battered, beaten and exhausted. After everything he’s been through to get to Baldur’s Gate, he still has no reprieve from violence and prejudice.

But wouldn’t it just be so sweet to fuck his master’s pretty little wife?

AU where Tav is Lorroakan’s wife.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Epilogue

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 1652

Read on AO3.

Masterlists.

Taglist info

Previous Chapter

Notes: It's been a wild ride folks. Hope you enjoyed :) I have a whole queue of fics that I've been neglecting to focus on this one, so it might be a little while before I write Rolan x Tav again, but I do have plans for the future, and perhaps I could be persuaded to expedite them <3

---

Two Years Later

Tav’s boots were muddy, but she could see Baldur’s Gate in the distance. She was bone-tired, and on any other day, she would concede to Jaheira’s suggestion that they should make camp for the night and continue their journey tomorrow morning.

But she needed to see Rolan. It had been almost two months since she’d last seen him, and the distance was starting to ache in her chest. More than that, she had something important to tell him.

Lia and Geraldus were both on board, so they left their fellow Harpers in a clearing in the woods and began the five-mile trek home. Jaheira had pursed her lips, but not argued. This last stretch of road was very safe, and the three of them were well-armed in any case.

“Are you sure you’re alright to keep walking?” asked Lia, looking at Tav anxiously. Her eyes darted to Tav’s stomach, which was covered by armour, so she wouldn’t have been able to see anything even if there was anything to see.

She hadn’t actually told Lia anything, but her sister-in-law could be annoyingly perceptive when she wanted to be. These last few days of travel had been slow going, because Tav had been ill.

At the last town they’d passed through, she had gone for a private appointment with a cleric, and emerged with more than just potions for her nausea. She was sure that Lia had probably figured it out then, if she hadn’t already.

“I’m fine,” said Tav. “I just want to sleep in my own bed tonight.”

“Me too,” said Geraldus.

“Cal’s bed, you mean,” said Lia, poking him in the arm.

“Hush, you.” In the early stages of their relationship, Geraldus probably would’ve chuckled and blushed at the gentle ribbing from his boyfriend’s sister, but they’d been together for almost a year and a half now, and he’d also spent almost as much time with Lia as he had with Cal at this point.

When Tav and Lia had initially joined the Harpers, Cal had briefly considered joining too, but decided the adventurer’s life was not for him. He would much rather help Rolan tend Sorcerous Sundries and stay in the relative safety of Baldur’s Gate.

Privately, Tav knew that he was also staying to make sure Rolan wasn’t alone. She was glad. She would never have been able to go on such long missions if she knew that Rolan didn’t have anyone watching over him and making sure he was eating.

“Excited to get home to your husband?” Geraldus asked her.

She gave him a weak smile. Three years ago, the question would’ve made her blanche. But Rolan was not Lorroakan. The plan gold wedding band he’d given her didn’t weigh her down like the gaudy thing that she’d had from Lorroakan.

Still, she hadn’t expected marriage to feel so natural this time around. She hadn’t expected to want it, no matter how much she loved Rolan.

But about six months ago, it had come up in conversation, and she realised that marrying him didn’t terrify her the way she’d thought it would. In fact, the idea of calling him her husband was very appealing.

Within a month, they were married. It was a small ceremony with just their closest friends, and his siblings. Afterwards, they’d all had a very merry evening at the Elfsong Tavern. It was perfect.

“I’m hoping he’ll help me with my hair,” she said, lightly touching her braid. “All these weeks on the road haven’t been good for it. And Rolan gives excellent head-”

“I don’t want to hear about that!” Lia interrupted.

“Head massages! Don’t be crass!”

The three of them descended into laughter. It made the long walk a little easier.

It was past midnight by the time they made it to Ramazith’s tower. All three of them were excluded from the extensive wards that kept the tower safe, so they walked in with little fanfare.

The lights were on in the kitchen. That was where the three of them found Cal and Rolan, playing some kind of intricate card game. Myshka was curled up on Rolan’s lap, but as soon as he saw Tav, he leapt into her arms.

“MERMER!” he cried, nuzzling into her neck immediately. She had cast Speak with Animals in preparation for this very moment.

“Hi there, baby,” she murmured, scratching under his chin. Suddenly, she was being lifted off her feet. Myshka was sandwiched between her chest and Rolan’s as he embraced them both.

“Tav…” Rolan sounded breathlessly exhilarated. “I didn’t know you would be home tonight…”

“But you stayed up anyway,” she said as he set her back on her feet.

“Well, I did hope.”

“He stayed up last night too,” Cal chimed in from where he was entangled in Geraldus’ embrace.

“Shut up, Cal.”

“I suppose neither of my brothers are all that happy to see me. The perils of being a fifth wheel,” said Lia pointedly, walking over to the stove.

There was a pot of soup that was slowly simmering. She grabbed herself a bowl and began to spoon soup into it, but almost spilled it all over herself when Cal hugged her from behind.

“I missed you too, Lia,” he said.

Looking a little chastened, Rolan released Tav to go and embrace his sister as well.

“How was your trip?” Cal asked cheerfully.

“Long,” said Tav. “I really need a bath.” She tugged her braid loose from its tie, letting her tangled hair cascade over her shoulders.

“I’m sure I can manage that,” said Rolan.

“Cal, Geraldus,” said Lia suddenly. “Will you help me with my bags? I left some stuff downstairs that needs bringing up.

“What bags?” asked Geraldus, confused, but she elbowed him in the ribs. “Right, of course, let’s go.”

And then Tav and Rolan were alone. Tav was sure there were no bags to be brought up. Lia was just giving them an excuse to be alone.

Rolan put his hands on her shoulders and held her at arms’ length as he surveyed her.

“You’re looking well,” he said. “Lots of colour in your cheeks. That’s good to see. Being a Harper is good for you, as much as I hate to be away from you.”

She knew that he was downplaying his own feelings. Cal had once told her that her long absences were hard on Rolan. He feared for her safety, and he missed her deeply.

He would never tell her the full extent of his feelings though. He didn’t want to pressure her into putting his needs over her own.

“I never want to be away for that long again,” she said, and it was true.

She loved the thrill of adventure, but the tower was her home. Gone were the traces of Lorroakan that had haunted the place. With a combination of magic and interior design, they had made this place into a home for themselves.

“And I doubt I’ll be leaving Baldur’s Gate again any time soon. I’m going to be taking a little bit of a leave of absence, from fieldwork at least. With the resources we have at our disposal here, I can still make a difference without putting myself on the frontline.”

Rolan swallowed. “Really?” There was a quiet, but obvious spark of hope in his tone. “Tired of adventuring already?”

“Well, it’s more that I think it’s probably too dangerous for me right now, in my condition.”

“Condition?” he asked, drawing his eyebrows together in confusion.

She took his hand and guided it to her belly. In the last leg of the journey, she’d removed some of her armour, leaving her in a loose-fitting tunic. His eyes widened as understanding dawned on his face.

“You’re- We’re-” he stammered, disbelieving.

“Pregnant? Yes.”

“Gods, Tav.” He dropped to his knees and pressed his face into her clothed stomach. She put her arms around him, a laugh bubbling up in her chest.

“Are you…” A hint of nervousness entered her tone. “Happy to hear that?”

“I’m elated,” he said. “Are you?”

“I never thought I would want this,” she said. “I vowed to never give Lorroakan a child, so I thought that was it for me. But I want this with you. I want to have your child.”

“Tav…” Tears were rolling down Rolan’s cheeks. He pressed a kiss to her stomach. “I love you so much.

“I love you too.” She smoothed her fingers into his hair, loosening it from the hair tie that was holding it in place. He didn’t protest, still pressing his face against her.

That was how Cal, Lia and Geraldus found them a few minutes later, with him still on his knees, holding her. Lia let out an excited yelp as she took in the scene.

Rolan got to his feet quickly, embarrassed. “Should we tell them?” he whispered to Tav.

“I think Lia already knows. So I think it’s only fair.”

“Alright.” He nodded.

“We’re having a baby,” she said, and Cal almost knocked her off her feet as he pulled her into a hug.  

“I knew it,” she hear Lia shriek, and chuckled into the material of Cal’s shirt. Rolan was hovering behind her, a protective hand on her lower back. As soon as Cal moved out of the way, Lia took his place, throwing her arms around Tav’s neck. “I’m so happy for you two.” She pulled back and held Tav’s face in her hands. “You’re brilliant, you know that? Your kid is going to be a superstar.”

“Our kid is going to have the best aunt and uncles in the world,” said Tav.

Lia turned to Rolan. “You’d better get to work, the mother of your unborn child wants a bath.”

“With rose petals,” Tav supplied.

“She wants rose petals,” said Lia, helpfully.

“I suppose I better get on that,” said Rolan, kissing Tav’s temple. “Anything for you.”

---

Notes:

fic title is from Black Ink Revenge by Automatic Loveletter

"Don't you let 'em know you're dying, dying Dying to break out Dying to get, get, get out Through the window of the upstairs Click my heels but I am stuck here"

[ros3ybabe]

August 15th, 2023 🎀

My university resumes classes tomorrow! I am so excited to really begin and solidify my morning routine and get back into the school mindset and grind. I'm really planning on being successful this semester.

With the new semester starting, I figure it's time to set out some new goals and things I want to accomplish this semester.

Fall Semester Goals 🌸

🩷 Academic Goals -

Pass every class with an A, no exceptions. I took on an easy class load for a reason.

Join 1 or 2 clubs. There's a club related to my major that I'm looking into, as well as a kpop club and a Japanese club that I'm looking into joining if I have the ability to.

Put effort into my classes. Don't miss class without a solid, valid excuse. Actually study and review class material outside of lectures. Ask questions in class and don't be afraid to go to office hours or tutoring.

🩷 Personal Goals

Stick to a consistent morning routine! Workout, journal, read, make my bed, skincare, etc. Consistency builds confidence.

Pamper myself regularly. For me, this means the occasional retail therapy moment and getting my nails done every 4 to 6 weeks. I don't normally get my nails due to the nature of my job, but if I keep my nails short and not too flashy, it'll be great! My first appointment is at the end of this week, and I'm excited! The picture of nails I included is actually how I'm getting mine done!!

Routinely attend appointments. That includes lab work, therapy, psych, dental, and general physician appointments. My health is a priority, and I want to make sure I stay on top of it this semester.

🩷 Social Goals

Attend study group sessions when applicable

Again, join a club or two. It's the best way to make friends with similar interests.

Attend social networking events on my campus. They have career fairs and professional fairs all the time. As a junior in university, I think it's time I start building some connections for future internship and career opportunities.

I also have some physical goals, but I will not be including those here as to not accidentally trigger anyone. I don't have particular deadlines for any of the goals I mentioned, but I feel like it's important to have these goals so I know the direction I want my semester to go in.

I'm really excited for this semester. It's time I put my best foot forward and succeed. I know I can do this. My GPA will increase, I will recieve more scholarships, and I will pass everything with high marks. I believe in myself.

To everyone also beginning their semesters, good luck!! I wish you all the best success in every way and that you all thoroughly enjoy everything these next few months bring!

Til next time, lovelies !! 🩷

[gatekeeper-watchman]

Good Morning World

Daily Devotionals for December 4, 2024

Proverbs: God's Wisdom for Daily Living

Devotional Scripture:

Proverbs 29:19-21 (KJV): 19 A servant will not be corrected by words: for though he understand he will not answer. 20 Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him. 21 He that delicately bringeth up his servant from a child shall have him become his son at the length. Proverbs 29:19-21 (AMP): 19 A servant will not be corrected by words alone; for though he understands, he will not answer (the master who mistreats him). 20 Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a (self-confident) fool than for him. 21 He who pampers his servant from childhood will have him expecting the rights of a son afterward.

Thought for the Day

Verse 20 - There is more hope for a self-confident fool to learn wisdom than a man who is hasty with his words. As we have seen, a wise man controls himself and is careful about what he says, because rash words can lead to his ruin.

Verses 19 and 21 - Employees who scorn company rules cannot be corrected by mere words but must be dealt with by disciplinary action. However, before such action, the possibility of a valid grievance should not be ruled out. It is important that employers treat employees fairly. People generally respond to an employer according to their treatment. Negative treatment discourages employees from doing their best. However, just because an employee follows an employer's instructions does not mean that he respects them.

An employee who is treated like part of the employer's family, will eventually expect the privileges of a son. If he is selfish, he will be lazy, expect long vacations, consider himself exempt from company regulations, keep his own hours, and be indignant at a reprimand. On the other hand, if he is a person of good character, he could end up running the company, if the owner has no heir. Ephesians 6:5-9 gives instructions to both employees and employers. Employees are to remember that they are God's servants and work as unto Him. We can determine what kind of employee we are in God's eyes by asking ourselves these questions: "Do I take shortcuts on the job? "Do I cost others time or money by hiding my mistakes? "Do I gossip about my employer when I have a problem with him instead of communicating properly? "Do I steal? "Am I disciplined? "Do I avoid slothful habits such as tardiness? "Do I lie about my qualifications? "Do I quit a job without giving proper notification?"

Employers are instructed to treat their employees in the way that they themselves wish to be treated. They can determine what kind of servants they are in God's eyes by asking themselves these questions: "Do I compensate each of my employees with fair and just wages and benefits? "Do I unfairly terminate employees to save money? "Do I observe and give a Sabbath rest for all employees? "Do I treat all workers fairly? "Am I furnishing good, safe working conditions for my employees? "When correction is necessary, do I correct with kindness and grace?"

These lists are by no means complete, but they will help us examine ourselves to see if we are living a Christian life on the job. Unless people allow Jesus to change their nature, the conditions and morals of workplaces will continue to deteriorate. Christians should be examples in demonstrating good work ethics. It is sad that many behave no better than the world.

Prayer Devotional for the Day

Dear heavenly Father, thank you so much for instructing us in our business relationships. Lord, may we serve one another in love, regardless of our position. If we are working, serving our employer, may we be the best employee we can be, by realizing that our service to them is also our service to You. If we serve in the capacity of a boss, then may we be one who is just, fair and honest in all of our ways, treating our employees with kindness and respect. Lord, we invite You into our workplaces and businesses. May our work be holy work because You are there. I ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Wednesday, December 4, 2024, Jacksonville, Florida USA 4:05:17 AM From: Steven P. Miller, @ParkermillerQ, gatekeeperwatchman.org  TM, ‎Founder and Administrator of Gatekeeper-Watchman International Groups., #GWIG, #GWIN, #GWINGO, #Sparkermiller www.facebook.com/gatekeeperwatchnan www.facebook.com/ Instagram: steven_parker_miller_1956

[badassomens]

Noah Sebastian x f! Reader

Genre: from friends to lovers, fluff, +18, smut

Warnings: Alcohol, smoking,p in v, unprotected sex, oral sex

Author: I really hope you enjoyed it. This is my first such fic with Noah. And in general, the first big fic. I would also like to remind you that English is not my native language, so I apologize for the mistakes❤️

Part 4

In the morning, after spending the night on the beach, Noah drove you home. After saying a hasty goodbye, he hurried away, referring to important matters.

That was the last day you saw him. He just disappeared. It's like he never existed. You called and texted him, but there was no answer. Mutual friends and acquaintances didn't say anything either.

Your search was unsuccessful. It was only a month later that you found out that someone you knew had seen Noah at the airport that ill-fated day. And all you had to do was hope that he was alive.

~

You were returning home from the store when you saw a familiar figure near your house. You were already beginning to think that it was a hallucination, but as you got closer, you realized that it really was him. Three months have passed, and you still couldn't forget that asshole. Noah, in turn, looked like a naughty puppy. He was standing near the gate of the house, his head down, obviously thinking about something.

"Noah?!" you still called out to the guy, attracting his attention "You... what are you doing here?"

"Hello, sunshine." Noah looks up at you, which literally screams about how guilty he is in front of you "I'm kind of waiting for you here."

"Are you kidding me now?!"

You feel how everything inside begins to boil from the accumulated pain and resentment, and unbidden tears come to your eyes.

"Please wait. Let me explain everything first, and then do whatever you want with me." Noah holds out his hand to you. "And please... come closer, sunshine"

You came closer to the man, restraining yourself so as not to beat him, and then rush into his arms.

"Noah Sebastian Davis, I'm waiting for an explanation! And don't delay it. I'm in a hurry."

"Well... I was flying away on business..."

"Why didn't you warn anyone?! Do you have any idea what my thoughts were when you disappeared?"

"I had my reasons. I needed to be alone."

"Well, if you have to, then stay alone. I've had enough. I have an important meeting.…"

You turned back to the house. Naturally, there was no meeting. You just wanted to show Noah how angry you are at him.

Without saying a word, the man walked up to the motorcycle he came on, took off his helmet and handed it to you, calling out.

" Margot… I beg…"

Turning around, you take the guy's helmet and get on the bike behind him, hugging the guy tightly across his chest.

You missed that asshole too much to refuse at least one trip.

You drove through the streets of the sunny city in silence. You just nuzzled into the guy's back, inhaling such a native scent of perfume and feeling the warmth of his body.

After a while, Noah brought you to his house. You've been here before, but this time he took you to the backyard.

After sitting you down on a wicker chair, the man went into the house and returned after a while with two bottles of beer, one of which he kindly handed to you. You sat in silence for a while, but when she started to escalate, you decided to ask Noah the question that bothered you the most at the moment.

"So... are you going to tell me what made you run away without saying goodbye?"

"You.". He looked at you and turned away, taking a sip of beer from a bottle

"What, I'm sorry? What do you mean, I am?"

"I was scared. So I left."

"I mean, what are you scared?" You absolutely couldn't understand what Noah was talking about and looked at him in disbelief.

"I was scared of a kiss during our sleepover in the car" .

"I still don't understand you..."

"I just thought that maybe the next morning you would understand everything and you would feel disgusted by our kiss." He looked at you, "in case you decide to end our friendship because of this... so I decided not to complicate it all and left."

"God, why are you like this… I remember perfectly well that I was the one who climbed up to you with a kiss. So I owe you an apology." you covered your face with your hands, realizing the absurdity of what happened "I just drank a little too much, and you were imagining something incomprehensible to yourself ... and, by the way, I liked it. I would even repeat it, but only on condition that you don't run away anymore."

"Margot, I'm going to take the beer away from you now, it's a bad influence on you." Noah looks at you seriously for no more than half a minute before he breaks down and smiles.

"Hey, don't be a bore, I was just kidding."

"I was just joking too, sunshine" Noah turns away, but you don't have time to notice how something seems to go out in his gaze.

You were glad that you discussed everything, but after looking at Noah carefully, you realized that he had not told you the whole reason for his escape. Deciding that he would tell you everything later, you did not interrogate him.

You were still sitting for a long time, having drunk more than one or two bottles of beer, when Noah suddenly asked

" Today my friend has a party. Do you want to come with me?"

"In general, I don't mind. Especially with you"

From the author: somehow everything turned out to be messy, sorry

[la-principessa-nuova]

I’m definitely on a sort of downward spiral of distractibility and sleep schedule.

My official plan is to sleep 12am-8am and work 9am-5pm.

I was doing so well last year, typically falling asleep somewhere between 11 and 1, and waking up naturally somewhere between 7 and 8.

Then in early December, I had the moment where I understood my gender dysphoria and that I needed to transition, and that night I stayed up until 4 am reading about gender dysphoria and then until 5 am taking notes about it and buying stuff to try out presenting femme.

I never fully recovered from that night.

Eventually, around the time I started therapy, I mostly solved the issue (not because the therapy helped me with it, but more like being in a better place helped me get through finding a therapist finally). I was going to bed like 1-3 am, waking up 8:30-9 on weekdays, 8:30-11 on weekends.

Then I came out to my mom and sister, and there were a few nights after that where they unexpectedly came over with a barrage of questions and “concerns” and every time I’d planned on doing something else and so when they left I just continued on as if they hadn’t been there and stayed up late.

But then I got in the habit again of staying up until after 3am, with most nights not being in bed until 4am and so many nights that i’m up past 5am.

so then i sleep through my 8am alarm and usually wake up to my 9am one, check my email and teams on my phone, and if there’s nothing important, i go back to sleep.

So like right now it’s 12:15pm, and I haven’t gotten out bed to start working yet, aside from a few emails I read and archived in bed. Luckily the nature of my job doesn’t require me to do it on a schedule, aside from if i have meetings or someone asks me something, so I’ve been able to work around it mostly, except the part where I’m soooi tired all the time bc even with sleeping in, i’m only getting like 4-6 hours per night.

And I have an interview today for a job that would require me to get out of bed every morning and be on a call at 9 AM, and I kind of can’t imagine that even though I did it for years with no problem.

But I just keep getting so distracted. Like last night I went upstairs at like 11ish PM. I went up because I had an idea for a comic that I wanted to make, that I’d gotten distracted when I tried to make it earlier, and I sat down thinking I’ll do a quick doodle of it to get the idea out, maybe finish it, and be in bed by 1 AM. Then I got more distracted and ended up not staring drawing until almost 1 AM.

But it’s OK, I told myself, I’ll just doodle the concept really quickly and go to bed. Then I got hyper-focused on drawing, and suddenly it was, no joke, after 5 AM.

When I saw how late it was, I immediately went to bed. But by the time I fell asleep it was after 5:30.

But, like, the less I sleep the easier I get distracted and hyperfocus on the wrong things, and the more I do that, the less I sleep. It’s a vicious cycle.

I have some ideas to try to get myself back on track, but PDA makes it a real struggle to stick to plans that are ultimately about getting me to stop doing what I want and yield my time, since as soon as I go to sleep, my time is over and the next thing I have to do is work again.

[tragicclownwrites]

Part 4: Reigisa & SquidBob: The Differences

So, I've talked about how these ships are similar - which was the whole idea behind this entire masterpost in the first place. However, it'd be remiss not to cover how these ships differ from each other as well.

To get it out of the way, I'll state the obvious: one ship is two sea creatures and the other is two anime school boys. They could not be more different in that regard... but I won't be covering that below.

How their relationship has evolved in canon

Looking back at the previous parts of this post, it would be easy to say this is just another similarity between them. And, don't get me wrong, it totally is! However, when we take each show's canon at face value without looking deeper, the relationships do look a bit different.

From a purely canon "Free!" perspective, Rei and Nagisa are regarded as best friends, and see each other as such.

When it comes to the canon in "Spongebob Squarepants," this still seems to be more one-sided - at least publicly. Squidward has shown time and time again that he does care about Spongebob, but this primarily comes out in moments where a) he thinks no one of importance is watching (i.e., mutual acquaintances/friends) or b) the circumstances are dire.

"Spongebob, no matter what I've said, I've always sort of liked you." (Squidward Tentacles, "Graveyard Shift")

One instance that comes to mind for Squidward is the end of "Fools in April," when he apologizes to Spongebob for the hurtful prank he pulled. During this apology, he admits that he likes him (and all their friends), he likes living next door, and he likes "hearing [his] foghorn alarm in the morning and [his] high-pitched giggling at night." When Spongebob finally comes out and asks him if it's all true, he's groveling on the ground, confessing that "yes, yes, Spongebob. Yes, it's all true." He struggled to say this to Spongebob at first as he wasn't one to apologize anyway. But, when it really came down to it, this confession was for Spongebob and Spongebob alone.

When he realizes that everyone else heard what he said, only THEN does he take it back and pretend it was all a joke.

Many of the episodes we've gotten of Squidward being genuinely kind (or even flirty) to Spongebob often happen when no one - or at least no one he will likely meet again - is around to see it (ex. Pizza Delivery, Bubble Bass' Tab, etc.). Spongebob on the other hand...

It begs the question: why is Squidward so concerned with his and Spongebob's mutual connections noticing that he cares about Spongebob? ORRRR... is it that he's worried that they'll catch on to how much he cares about Spongebob?

This brings me to...

Acceptance of feelings

Now that we've talked about where these two dynamic duos started out and how their actions towards each other have changed, it's time to look at how they seem to feel about each other in regards to their relationship.

When we look at Reigisa, it's clear that Rei has completely accepted Nagisa. In all of Nagisa's optimistic, pushy, hyperactive, and generally childish nature - Rei seems to have embraced it all.

I mean, look at these two acting like a proper couple out here on main. In public. Right in front of our salads.

(The first two pics are OFFICIAL art btw!)

Basically, Rei - who has been routinely stuck in his ways and overthinks everything - no longer gives a single fuck. While the old Rei would've been embarrassed and awkward about Nagisa's affections, the Rei we know later on has fully thrown caution to the wind and he clearly loves Nagisa too much to care what others think about it.

I've mentioned how Spongebob and Nagisa have both openly told their person "I love you." Even Squidward has said this out loud (which I will get to!). And while Rei hasn't blatantly said these three words to my knowledge, just see the way he looks at Nagisa. He doesn't even have to.

Meanwhile, SquidBob is totally there, too. I doubt I would be as fascinated by them as I am if that weren't the case!

I mean, LOOK. They have their own PJ/sleepover moments, too!

However, the fundamental difference here is that while Rei has let go of any expectations of himself to be with Nagisa (he's... free 😉), Squidward is unable to fully do the same with Spongebob for some reason.

I think it's obvious to anyone that Spongebob loved/was infatuated with Squidward from the beginning and his feelings only seem more apparent in the later seasons. Squidward has also made massive progress since then... but there's always a catch.

"I love him... and I hate him." (Squidward Tentacles, "Sponge on the Run") *Tenderly holds Spongebob's hands, getting down on one knee* "You know I... hate you, right?" (Squidward Tentacles, "SpongeBob You're Fired")

MAKE UP YOUR MIND, SQUIDWARD. He is a walking contradiction when it comes to our little spongey friend and he is so close to figuring it out.

However, as I demonstrated above, it doesn't seem like he's ready to take the leap. I personally think he loves Spongebob just as much as Rei loves Nagisa, but he is so self-conscious about being perceived a certain way and/or being embarrassed by Spongebob. Therefore, as we saw in the last post, he thinks he needs to be with people who have the exact same personality as him for it to work... but it never seems to last. (For context, the tweet from Vincent Waller essentially confirms that Squilvia & Squidward are over).

All in all, these two pairings represent the difference between an established relationship (Reigisa) and a slow-burn romance (SquidBob) - they are very much on the same level in terms of cuteness and how much we love seeing their relationships develop BUT they are at very different stages in those relationships.

Regardless of what their "official" relationship statuses are, they are both very much canon in my heart. 🌈💖

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[pbandjesse]

I am actually doing a little better. I was doing great this afternoon. But this morning I was horrible. The only thing that made me push through was that I was looking forward to this field trip. I needed to be there. This was important to me. But dang. It was hard.

I was not in a great head space and wasn't thinking and didn't dress appropriately for the day. I was freezing. I didn't wear my extra sweatshirt like I planned. I didn't wear leggings or high socks. I didn't even remember gloves. I made a lot of outfit mistakes.

When I got to camp I was almost in tears when I was out in the cold setting up low ropes. My fingers burned. I had stopped at the art building first to get my hiking books but Jesus were my legs cold and my hands and my ears. I was miserable.

I could barely get the ladder to open. I just had to keep stopping and just standing there. Feeling stupid. Feeling freezing. But I got it done.

Once I was back in the office and warm I wasn't so upset. Just a little upset. I had my breakfast but I didn't like it. James used American cheese instead of cheddar and it tasted bad and I was just. Bummed. Bummed about how I felt and everything. I texted James and decided they should reach out to the doctors office.

I was working on my knitting and watching a video when the doctors called me. They were concerned about my cough and I told her about the tonsillitis and she was like should we call a surgeon? And I'm like I don't think I have tonsillitis anymore, I think this is secondary. And they said they could see me tomorrow morning. So that is the plan. 9am tomorrow.

The group would start showing up at 1015. And they were such a nice group. I had the best time. I really needed this win.

This was a homeschool group and they were so good. Big age gaps but they were all super kind to each other and just really excited to be together. They are very covid conscious and had us wear masks. And I honestly think it helped me. The warm air. Because for the entire 4 hours we were together I only coughed once. And it was when I was sitting down during whale watcher. Wild. It was the best I have felt in forever. I felt stronger. The air was good. The sun was good. I was still a little cold but I was much better.

We started a little late waiting for the last family. While we waited I talked about puhtok's history. And asked the kids questions and it was fun.

Sarah and me had discussed that I would lead the morning and she would lead the afternoon in case I started falling apart again.

We started with ground elements. We did the whale watcher and the full group including adults were able to balance for about a minute. The kids alone were able to get 20 seconds. But it was fun. They were doing pretty good. Homeschoolers sometimes struggle with sharing and taking turns but they seemed really well socialized and only struggled a little with waiting. But in general they were great.

We went to low ropes next and it was fun being spotters. And everyone did pretty good even if we could not successfully finish the first course. Everyone seemed to have fun, even when they fell over.

We went in a nature walk next. We started at the horse field. Petting Stormy and Obie. They loved seeing them and talking about them and while I don't know a ton about the horses I was able to tell them stories of what I did know and it was great.

We continued our walk towards the switchback trails, down the the Glen. I had some excellent chats with some of the parents. And I was in a great mood.

When we got down to the bottom of the hill we saw that the pond has approximately a million frog eggs!! It was so cool to see. I know they won't all hatch but I am excited to see frogs again. It's the best.

We would go have lunch next. We walked up the hill, were were all a bit winded. Some families had lunch in their cars. Some came with us to go to trading post. Where we had to move some picnic tables. Which are so heavy but we got it done.

Me and Sarah went back to the office for our lunch. We had a nice break. I had a hot dog. And watched tiktoks and was feeling good. Even if I started coughing again when I sat down. I seen to do the best when I'm standing. Which is frustrating but at least it's something.

The afternoon Sarah took the lead. We played steak the bacon and had a tictactoe relay race. We had some tears when people "didn't get a turn" even though we kept explaining that there were no turns we are a team? And when the older kids tried to make the little kids win by going easy on them or just letting them get ahead, some were still failing and getting upset and throwing themselves at the ground. In tears. Very dramatic. The parents didn't react so I also didn't react and the kids would get over it and move on.

We finished with animals. Samson is awake from brominating. Rosie just finished shedding. Nelly was wet. It was fun. And it gave me some good talking points for bringing Samson to creative alliance for my turtle workshop on Saturday.

Which is going forward and I'm really nervous about it. Literally only because I have to be responsible for Samson. But it will be fine. Even if it makes me slightly uncomfortable.

Once the group was done we walked them back to the cars and said goodbye. Thanked them. I suggested the BMI for more homeschool programs. And me and Sarah were off to clean.

I had left some materials by the pioneer cabins when we realized we forgot the nature key and I had to run back to the office to get it. And when we were over there Joe asked us to help mop. So that is what we did. We mopped the lodge and cleaned the bathrooms.

Once that was done I went to the pioneer cabins to sweep. And then back to the office to chill and wait for the end of the day.

After some emails and having a yogurt I decided to go home. I meant to stop and put low ropes away and just absolutely forgot to do that. Sarah would remind me later. Oops. It's fine. A fixable issue tomorrow.

I would get home around 430. And I was freezing and very tired. I almost immediately got cozy on the couch with sweetp. And waited for James to get home.

When they did they joined us on the couch. And we watched tiktoks for a while. But eventually there were things to do.

James went to clean the bathroom. I did some vacuuming of the frog tank and did a lot of snail catching today. I finally saw Omelet eat. But man are these snails making me annoyed. The battle continues.

James made me spaghetti for dinner. And we sat at the island and talked about our days. So much drama at the museum. But James did get a little raise which is exciting. Just a little one but still. Progress!

I would spend a lot of this evening organizing in the studio and I feel like it's mostly done. I'm really excited about this. And I started thinking about how the little room is going to be organized. And me and James talked through our house projects. The living room is the next big one. I also want to paint the stairwell but that will be largely my own project. But the living room is going to be a Jesse and James effort. I am looking forward to that.

I would take a shower and get in bed and immediately started coughing again when I as vertical. Which makes me really upset. But I am trying my best to be okay. I'm hoping that the doctor will help me tomorrow. Give me something to fix it.

I am looking forward to sleep. And tomorrow will be good. I have my doctor's appointment and then I'll head to work. I'll get Samson safely to my house. And then James is working at theater project so I'm going to go to that show and I'm really looking forward to that. Love going to see a show.

I hope you all have a great night and I don't feel like I'm drowning. Goodnight everyone. I love you all.

[tadpolesonalgae]

Hey! Can I ask a few questions? Imma ask my every fav author these.

1. How long have you been Writing?

2. Are you planning to make a profession out of this or just doing it for fun?

3. Who or which character do you prefer to write more for?

4. What do you do when you're out of ideas?

5. Lastly, Will plz give an advice for the young writers out that.

Okay first of all, I’m so flattered I’m one of your favourites! Thank you so much 😭🧡💛

‘How long have you been writing?’

So I wrote a single piece of fanfiction back in 2019 for a separate fandom, but other than that, I’d say I started writing as a real hobby in 2022 :)

‘Are you planning to make a profession out of this or just doing it for fun?’

Not out of writing specifically, though I’d love to be able to! I am hoping that it will come in handy with something else I think I might be able to achieve later on though?

‘Who or which character do you prefer to write more for?’

As a general answer, definitely Az 🧡💛

However if I’m feeling sad or in need of comfort it will probably be Feysand 🫣

‘What do you do when you’re out of ideas?’

Usually if I’m out of my own ideas I’ll switch to completing requests? However if I’ve lost the urge to actually write, then I’ll put on some music and see what happens, or watch a horror game (resi 7 has become my comfort series), read a book, take a shower, eat a meal, laze in bed if it’s the evening, just general things I know improve my mood to get me back on my feet I think :)

Though if it’s the morning of a weekend or something and I’m trying to get tumblr stuff done but it’s not working, I’ll usually try and find non-tumblr related tasks to do just help me feel like I’ve gotten something done 🧡💛

‘Lastly, Will plz give an advice for the young writers out that.’

Gosh, okay, I think it really depends on what sort of person you are for this? Naturally different things will work for different people so maybe consider what you want to write? In the sphere of fanfiction do you think you’ll be writing only for one fandom or a few? Do shorter pieces like drabbles and headcanons, or longer pieces like one-shots and series suit you? (Obviously you can write a mixture, I think it can be useful to have variety so people can read what suits them?)

This might be more on the boring side, but being aware of what suits you in terms of how much you can write? Fanfiction can take up a lot of your personal time, so if you ever start to feel like it’s getting too much you can always take a break, or decide to shift posting days around—this isn’t something that has to be permanent. Heck you don’t even have to have a schedule for uploads if that’s not your style which is the fun part of having this as a hobby!

Also, as dull as it might be, trying to remember to proofread things 🫠 I know I still sometimes reread my older fics (sometimes also newer ones) and end up spotting simple mistakes that just take away from the immersion of a fic, so as monotonous as it is, I’d really suggest trying to proofread, or if you know grammar isn’t your strong suit, just brushing up on that, too! I don’t think it’s the end of the world, or that it will push people away, but I do think it’s something that’s important to writing :)

[rememerance]

My Journey of Awakening

Part l

I have always been a complete idealist who is driven purely by passion, living solely for love and truth. Yet everyone around me in my life, during my transition from adolescence to adulthood, dropped enthusiasm and picked up realism. I was never able to understand or do that; I followed my heart so faithfully and so naturally, almost automatically, just like breathing, so that any moment stopping it would be like stopping breathing, the longer I do it the more painful and alerting it becomes. I have never been able to close my eyes and live my life simply for the sake of getting on with it as those around me did, especially all of my family. My life had to be and was only driven by meaning and passion. Each day of those years, I never stopped pondering existential questions that everyone around me never seemed to start to ask. Where did the world come from? What essentially caused us to be so different from each other? What is the most important thing? What is love? What is the meaning of life? And one thing I never ever managed to figure out: why am I the absolutely complete opposite of all my family? These traits of mine filled me with a growing sense of paining loneliness during my adolescence and early adulthood, building a transparent and bitter wall between me and my peers, all of my family, and even the whole world that I saw as I stepped into my adulthood. For a long time, I was deeply lonely and depressed, and I viscerally felt that I did not and could not belong in such an ugly world of realism and materialism. During high school and college, I couldn't make true friends, I couldn't find answers to my important questions, and I couldn't find any of the unconditional love that I so painfully longed for. I literally felt like an alien, every single moment, I didn't and couldn't know where my home planet was, or if it even existed, I didn't know exactly what it would look like, all I knew was that it must be a wonderful world with no countries, filled with souls like mine, driven purely by love and passion, leading meaningful and profound lives. I couldn't fathom how so many people in this world, like my family, were capable of prioritising anything other than passion and love in their life, never asking questions about meaning and purpose, and living instinctively just to get on with their lives, even if it is suffering. For the past five years, I have never ever feared death, because life was inherently full of boredom, loneliness, confusion and endless pain, and I would rather not exist at all, not be born. At the age of 18, in January of 2018, before the winter vacation began, I decided that if nothing would change in my life for the next few weeks, then I would end my life, end this nightmare that I couldn't wake up from, on January 24th. Because winter break meant I had to go home from college to the pragmatic, survival-anxiety-filled family that brought me deep loneliness and constant angst. I planned to jump from the top of my 11-story dormitory building wearing my headphones with my favorite song on, Gravity by coldplay, and I checked the way to the top of the building to make sure it was not locked at 4 am in the morning. As the month of January passed, the dormitory building became less and less crowded, and my life stayed the same. At 4:00 a.m. on the 24th, when everyone should have been asleep, I put on my headphones and stepped into the elevator that would lead me to the 11th floor. At the top of the elevator cell was an incandescent light, glowing beige. I stared at it as the elevator gradually rose, I was feeling no fear, but an almost sudden good mood, so I stepped out of the elevator. My plan then was never carried out again. Yet my life went on, people came and went in my world, and the pain at the core of my life remained unchanged: the unrelenting, bone-deep loneliness; the seemingly eternal excruciating longing for true, unconditional love.

Personal Journey

[topscoree]

Are You Falling Behind in NEET Preparation? Here’s How to Catch Up!

Preparing for the NEET (National Eligibility cum Entrance Test) can seem like a tough and demanding journey. With vast syllabi, intense competition, and high expectations, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed. If you’re worried about falling behind in your preparation, don’t panic. The key is to assess where you are, identify gaps, and take focused steps to regain control. Here’s a comprehensive guide to help you catch up and move closer to your NEET goals.

NEET Training in Coimbatore

1. Assess Your Current Situation

The first step to catching up is understanding where you stand in your preparation. Ask yourself these questions:

Which topics have I completed?

Which subjects am I lagging in?

How effectively am I using my study time?

Take a moment to reflect and identify the reasons behind falling behind. It could be procrastination, lack of proper planning, or difficulty understanding certain concepts. A clear diagnosis will help you create a targeted action plan.

2. Set Realistic Goals

Once you’ve identified your weak areas, set achievable and measurable goals. Break the syllabus into smaller chunks and assign specific deadlines to each. For instance:

Complete three chapters of Biology in the next two weeks.

Solve 50 Physics numericals daily for a month.

Setting micro-goals ensures that you stay motivated and track your progress consistently.

3. Prioritize High-Impact Topics

NEET preparation is as much about smart work as it is about hard work. Different topics hold varying levels of importance in the exam. Focus on high-yield topics that are frequently asked, such as:

Biology: Human Physiology, Genetics, and Ecology.

Physics: Mechanics, Electrodynamics, and Thermodynamics.

Chemistry: Organic Chemistry (Reaction Mechanisms), Coordination Compounds, and Chemical Bonding.

By mastering these areas first, you can secure a strong foundation and gain confidence.

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4. Create a Structured Timetable

A well-structured timetable can help you manage your time efficiently. Dedicate specific slots to each subject and topic. For example:

Mornings for studying new topics.

Afternoons for solving practice questions.

Evenings for revision and mock tests.

Remember to include short breaks to refresh your mind and prevent burnout. Stick to your timetable religiously, and adjust it as needed to accommodate unforeseen challenges.

5. Leverage Quality Study Resources

Falling behind often stems from ineffective study materials or resources. Ensure you have access to:

NCERT Textbooks: These are the backbone of NEET preparation.

Reference Books: Use supplementary books like HC Verma for Physics and MTG Fingertips for practice.

Online Resources: Platforms like YouTube, BYJU’S, or Unacademy offer valuable video lectures and doubt-clearing sessions.

Focus on clarity rather than quantity. Avoid overwhelming yourself with too many resources; instead, stick to what works best for you.

6. Practice, Practice, Practice

Regular practice is non-negotiable for NEET success. Here’s how to integrate practice into your routine:

Daily Problem Solving: Allocate time to solve numerical problems, especially in Physics and Chemistry.

Previous Year Papers: Analyze past NEET papers to understand question patterns and frequently asked topics.

Mock Tests: Take weekly mock tests to simulate the exam environment and improve your time management skills.

After each test, review your mistakes and work on weak areas to avoid repeating them.

7. Revise Consistently

Revising is essential for retaining knowledge and solidifying concepts. Dedicate at least 2–3 hours daily to revising previously studied topics. Use the following strategies:

Create concise notes for quick reviews.

Use flashcards for memorizing formulas and key points.

Summarize topics in your own words to test your understanding.

The more you revise, the more confident you’ll feel during the actual exam.

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8. Seek Help When Needed

Don’t hesitate to seek help if you’re struggling with certain topics. You can:

Join a coaching class or online program for expert guidance.

Collaborate with peers for group study sessions.

Reach out to teachers or mentors for clarifications.

Clearing doubts promptly ensures that you don’t carry gaps in understanding as you progress.

9. Stay Positive and Avoid Stress

Catching up on NEET preparation can feel stressful, but maintaining a positive mindset is crucial. Here’s how to manage stress:

Practice mindfulness or meditation to improve focus and reduce anxiety.

Stay physically active with light exercise or yoga.

Celebrate small milestones to keep yourself motivated.

Remember, progress matters more than perfection. Trust the process, and don’t let setbacks discourage you.

10. Focus on Health and Well-being

While chasing academic goals, don’t neglect your physical and mental health. A healthy body supports a sharp mind. Ensure you:

Get 7–8 hours of sleep each night.

Maintain a balanced diet with brain-boosting foods like nuts, fruits, and vegetables.

Stay hydrated throughout the day.

Good health will keep you energized and improve your overall productivity.

NEET Coaching Centres in Coimbatore

Conclusion

Falling behind in NEET preparation doesn’t mean failure—it’s a temporary hurdle that you can overcome with determination and the right strategies. Start by assessing your position, set clear goals, prioritize important topics, and maintain consistent practice. Remember to stay positive and seek help whenever necessary. With focus and dedication, you can catch up and excel in your NEET exam. Keep pushing forward—success is within reach!

[georgiapeach95]

My Values

Recently, in the not so distant past, I was a part of a certain Facebook group (that I'm no longer a part of) and was engaging with the members there. I asked the question of "What are your values and what do they mean to you"? Well, needless to say, that didn't go over well. No one, and absolutely no one, understood my question. It literally went right over people's heads. While I was somewhat blown away, in other ways I wasn't. I feel like people don't truly understand what values are and the importance of having them. They think they want this or that value, but they don't take the time to look up, research, and sit down and make a list of what their values are. But I don't fault anyone because I was in that same boat. Honestly, I didn't know just how in depth values were and the roles they play in your everyday life.

One day, being the ever so curious and intelligent woman I am, I took the time to research this topic and actually make out a list of my most vital values and what they mean to and for me. It was a bit daunting because there are literally so many different values and you look at all them and you're literally like "Yep, I want that one, and that one, and that one, and so on". But do you really? You have to sift through them and pick out the most important ones to YOU!

This morning, I wanted to write about my values and share them with you. This is going to be a long post so hang in there (but then again, I'm a natural born writer so I love writing long posts). If you're reading this, I hope it inspires you to look up what values are and to make a list of your own. Not only does it give you more clarity into who you are as an individual, but what you seek out in others for friendships, partners, etc.

So here they are and what they mean to/for me:

1. Acceptance - It's super important to be accepted for who I am by those I love.

2. Communication - I value communicating my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.

3. Compassion - My compassionate nature is the number one thing I love about myself.

4. Assertiveness - I take pride in being able to stand up for myself and those I love.

5. Cleanliness - I always feel better being around a clean and organized environment.

6. Creativity - I love being a creative soul, especially with writing.

7. Curiosity - I value being very curious when it comes to learning and knowledge.

8. Empathy - I am very empathetic and can relate to others easily.

9. Enjoyment - I want to live a life I get pure pleasure out of.

10. Family - Family is first and foremost in my life. Nothing is more important.

11. Expressive - It's important I'm able to be me at my core self and express my feelings, thoughts, and beliefs.

12. Feelings - I'm very in touch and in tune with my feelings and am always open about them.

13. Freedom - I must have freedom to be able to express myself to the fullest.

14. Fun - I want everything I do and engage in my life to be fun.

15. Intelligence - I'm constantly learning and gaining knowledge on one thing or another.

16. Joy - Following my joy is super important.

17. Love - I love spreading the love that is in my heart to everyone and everything.

18. Maturity - It's important to me to always remain mature and poised no matter the situation.

19. Logic - I'm very logical by nature.

20. Openness - I am extremely open with my feelings, beliefs, and thoughts.

21. Organization - I always feel better when I'm in an environment that is organized.

22. Satisfaction - I love feeling satisfaction whenever I accomplish something.

23. Security - I like feeling secure in myself and my surroundings.

24. Solitude - I have to have my alone time to recharge my batteries.

Now, you may notice some of these terms may seem similar to one another or are round about ways of repeating themselves. But, glancing through a list of over hundreds, if not thousands of values, these are the ones I identified with the most.

So there you have it! A little look inside the personality and mind of me! I would absolutely love to know, if you've read this far, what are some of your core values and what they mean to you?

[blooblooded]

Tony Reunites with Cihad

After the first night of being back in Eden, Tony had already decided to find Cihad Tariq.

“You sure that’s a good idea?” Casey asked him nervously, watching him get ready in the safehouse’s small bathroom that morning. It was early, 6:30 am. Early was good. Cihad woke up early to exercise and calm his mind. It would be best to catch him before he went to work and exhausted himself. “Dad says that most of the CCTVs are malfunctioning, but there’s still a chance you could be seen. And, uh, have you forgotten all about how that guy freaked out on you the day he came to take the Book back from Kassidy? Or how he tried to drag the truck back the day we left Eden? He was pissed. Beyond pissed.”

Over the last two years, Casey had grown into a natural leader. Of course she was worried about him. She didn’t understand Cihad like he did, she only saw him as a threat. There was no reason for her to see him as anything but a threat after everything they had witnessed, everything they had learned. Tony shook his head. He finished shaving, then splashed water on his face. He felt like he looked presentable, despite how fear and struggle had aged him. His long black hair hung down to his shoulders and he did not tie it back the way he used to. “Did your Dad bring us any aftershave when he picked up supplies?”

Casey’s mouth twitched. “Yeah, no. I don’t think he imagined you or Marty were gonna go try to get some dick. And you didn’t answer my question. Are you sure it’s a good idea to go see the man who brought the Book to Eden? I still think he’s working for it. Nothing we learned in the North proves otherwise.”

“He’s not working for it,” said Tony. “He’s a good man and he’s been raising my daughter. I have to talk to him before I try to come back into her life.”

Try to come back into her life a second time. Cynthia was 15 years old now. The first time he had abandoned her, out of paranoid delusions and a half-pickled brain, he didn’t see her again until she was 6. The 4 years he spent back in her life, together with Cathy and Cihad, had been the happiest he had ever been. Then Cathy had died and everything went wrong. For 2 years he hid in the sewers, out of his mind, living with rats. He never thought he would ever see her again.

He still might never see her again. Cihad might not let him. And even if he did, even if he did let him,  Cynthia might not want him back in her life. He wouldn’t want that, if he was her. 

That was out of his control. The first part of the Serenity Prayer was all about accepting the things he could not change. If reuniting with his family was not an option, he would just have to accept that, and focus on the things within his control. 

Tony looked at himself in the mirror. He had chosen a green shirt because green was Cihad’s favorite color on him. Or, it had been once. 

What was he doing? Cihad had probably moved on a long time ago. He was probably seeing someone else, someone better than him. Of course he hadn’t waited, and it wasn’t fair to expect him to have waited. It seemed almost pathetic for Tony to be preening like this, letting his hair down, thinking about aftershave. There were more important things to think about. Like the Book. Like where the essence of that demon had gone after leaving Kassidy’s body, and whether it would try to hunt him down again.

Well, Cihad deserved to know about that. Even if he never let him see Cynthia again, even if he had moved on. He deserved to know. He was involved. The strings of fate that connected the whole world, future and past, had bound them together.

“I just think that it’s a bad idea,” said Casey. She spoke quietly. Everyone else was still asleep. When Tony woke from where he slept on the couch in the living room, the smallest noises he made had alerted her. Ever since their time in the Northern Territories, she had been unable to sleep soundly. “I feel like he’s working for It. The Thing in the Book. He was the one who brought it here. If that thing is somewhere in Eden, who’s to say he doesn’t just hand your ass over to it.”

“He isn’t and he won’t.” 

There was one thing that Tony was completely sure of: Cihad had once loved him. He had really loved him. No, it hadn’t started out that way. It had started as simple empathy, Cihad saw him as someone he could fix, he felt a sense of control when he was able to fix people. And Tony had liked the attention. Nobody had ever treated him with that kind of compassion, he had spent years as a homeless alcoholic. He was used to getting treated with disgust, or worse, not even seen as a person. Cihad never saw him that way. Cihad had only seen someone who needed his help. The compassion turned into lust, which turned into love. 

Tony hadn’t meant to ruin it all after what happened with Cathy. He had just been so scared. Cihad had probably thought that he killed himself. The look he had got when he saw him again in the attic! That wild, frantic look! Tony felt bad. He had really hurt him but at the time, he hadn’t seen another option than run to the sewers. And then again, the second time, his only option had been to run from Eden.

Now he didn’t know what to expect. Cihad would probably be angry when he saw him again. Tony could deal with angry.

“I’ll come back,” said Tony, checking himself one more time in the mirror. He pushed some of his hair up so that it hung over his shoulders, then Looked at Casey.

She did not think he was coming back. One way or another, she believed that he was leaving. Running away again. Always running away. Tony cringed a little bit inside. He did not know how to make her believe otherwise.

He left anyway. He left, telling himself that he was coming back but not completely believing it himself.

Tony was careful as he made his way to the metro station. Logically he knew that he did not need to be so careful, he knew that he was seen as dead in the eyes of the state. There was nobody looking for him anymore or even anyone who cared. As far as he knew, the only danger he needed to worry about was not even in Eden anymore. It was probably still in the Lost Colony and would be trapped there until…until, well, he did not know.

Still, he was careful. He did not get a single look on the train. Everyone on it was just going about their lives, headed to their jobs that morning. Tony kept his eyes on his shoes. 

He realized that he did not even know if Cihad still lived in the same 3 bedroom house in the Residential Mid Levels. Kassidy was the one who had given him the address, she was the only one who had actually been there. Stupid. If he showed up on some random family’s doorstep, he was going to feel like an idiot. But Cihad was a creature of habit, he was someone who needed to carefully control his environment. He would still be there. It was the place he had moved after Cathy had died. He had to still be there.

Tony got off the train. He took a deep breath of the oxygen rich air that they only seemed to pump in on the Mid and Upper Levels. The Co2 in the air where the Safehouse sat was stifling, choking, after breathing the fresh clean air outside of Eden for the last year and a half. It was funny. Tony had breathed thick, toxic air all his life. He had never felt like it was squeezing and choking him until he experienced what he was missing.

It was a short walk from the metro station to Cihad’s house but the whole time, Tony grew more and more anxious. The streets here were lined with vertical gardens to give residential homes more privacy. He looked up at the vine covered slabs of concrete, so beautiful and wrong at the same time. His heart hurt. He missed Cihad more than anything but seeing him face to face scared him more than anything too.

That wasn’t even taking into account Cynthia. Tony swallowed and almost tripped over a crack in the sidewalk because he wasn’t paying attention. A mother pushing a baby in a stroller gave him a sideways look. He ducked his head and kept walking.

The house was the same as the majority of middle-class family homes in Eden. Two stories, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a little balcony off the back. It was built of concrete blocks in a utilitarian, brutalist fashion that didn’t lend very much to warmth. A chill went up Tony’s spine when he looked at it. He had never lived in this house. But two people he loved did. It was almost like he could feel them.

Tony’s stomach lurched like he was going to throw up. He checked the time on his phone. 7:00. Cynthia would already have left for school, since classes started at 8. There wasn’t a chance that he would run into her. That was good. He needed time to think about what he was going to say.

Was he stupid? Was he making a bad mistake? He kept telling himself that this was not only a personal visit. Cihad still had the Book and Tony needed to examine it while it was still uninhabited and powerless. If it was still uninhabited and powerless. The last time he had the Book in his hands, he had been frantic, trying to rip it to shreds himself. This time he knew better. This time he could be logical.

He looked down at his hands and saw that they were shaking. “Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,” he told himself. “Serenity to accept the things I cannot change…”

No going back now. Tony walked up to the front door, stood there for a second, then rang the bell. The last time he showed up unexpectedly on Cihad’s doorstep, he had been wasted, dying, and had thrown up on Cihad’s shoes. This was a step up. There was no way he could embarrass himself as badly as he had back then.

He still felt like he was going to throw up though.

The door opened. And there he was. Cihad was dressed in blue scrubs and white sneakers. The scrubs didn’t fit his huge body correctly, he looked like he had been poured into them. His dark curly hair and beard were neatly groomed like they always were, not a touch of gray in that hair. The second he saw him, Cihad’s red eyes became huge in his face. His expression was more shocked than it was angry or horrified. He froze and dropped the mug of tea he was holding and it shattered on his doorstep.

Tony tried to smile. “Well, I’m back,” he said sheepishly. Nonchalant. Maybe cool, or at least trying to be cool. Idiot.

“Anthony.” Cihad’s voice came out as a strangled whisper. He did not move.

“You gonna let me in so we can talk?” Tony’s own boldness shocked him. “You know, since last time I saw you, you were screaming and dragging a truck back with your mind? We have some things to talk about.”

Cihad’s eyes looked shiny. That was weird. His stupid ham-like hands clenched and unclenched. Tony wondered if Casey had been right, that Cihad was still pissed at him and whether he needed to run. God, he was stupid! It was so easy to forget that Cihad was about 150 pounds heavier than him and was an avid user of blood magic on top of his neuroelectrical abilities. If he really wanted to hurt him, it would be easy.

Wait, what was he thinking. Cihad would never hurt him. He would die before he hurt him.

As if in a trance, Cihad extended his big arms and wrapped them around Tony’s body. He didn’t even have time to struggle, he just found himself being lifted off the ground and squeezed tightly. Hugged. He was being hugged. It had been so long since anyone had actually hugged him. Tony was able to free one arm and curled it around Cihad’s back, patting him awkwardly.

“I thought you were dead,” said Cihad. His voice cracked.  His face was pressed into Tony’s neck, he could feel his warm breath and the prickle of his beard hair. “How did you– I thought you were dead. I thought I would never see you again! You were dead and I couldn’t even talk to anyone about it!”

“Yeah, well, I have this funny way of always surviving.” Tony’s ribs were hurting. He squirmed to escape from Cihad’s grasp. Part of him liked it. Even without Looking, he could tell that Cihad still desired him after all these years. It wasn’t exactly something he could hide. The other part of him, the rodenty prey animal part of him, felt afraid. Loving someone just meant that he could lose them. “Hey– quit squeezing the merchandise, get off, get off me.”

He let him go. Cihad pushed back his wavy hair. “I’m calling off work,” he said, and stepped back into the house. “Come inside. You can come inside.”

So he wasn’t seeing anyone else. Good. It sort of scared Tony that he had this much power over him. Within three minutes of seeing him, Cihad was already calling off of work. He wondered what else he could get–

No, what was wrong with him? Tony followed Cihad inside.

The house was furnished in a simple, homey way that made sense for a single father. Tony passed a picture of Cynthia on the wall and looked away quickly. The girl in the picture was a teenager and almost recognizable to him. She had bright blue eyes and a big smile. He couldn’t look at her, not yet. There was another picture of a child Tony did not recognize and he squinted at it for a moment. This kid was also Black, maybe the same age as Cynthia, with a bright and friendly face. Where had Cihad picked up another kid?

He looked around as Cihad led him into the kitchen. “Do you still keep that thing in here?” Tony asked cautiously. He had not forgotten the little slime creature Cihad kept as a pet. It had always disturbed him that it had learned how to speak; they weren’t supposed to do that. Ever since Marty had told him about the one that was trapped in the Void, Tony had thought about the ways he could keep this one away from his daughter. “You know, that alien thing that used to sleep in the drawers?”

Cihad glanced at him. He sat down at the kitchen table. “Billy’s at school.”

Great. The fool had named it. That wasn’t ominous at all. Tony felt a chill go up his spine. “We learned a lot about those things while we were gone.”

“Where was that, exactly?” His voice was clipped. Suspicious.

“North. The Northern Territories.” He watched Cihad’s expression tighten. “We went to this place— this state or territory, I guess —called the Strath. Cassiopeia Agapama’s father was doing business with the person in charge there. We talked to her on his behalf and tried to find answers about that Book you brought into Eden.”

Cihad didn’t say anything. He didn’t move. Was he scared? He had always been so secretive about his past. At this point, Tony knew more about it than he felt he would ever be told. Was that a betrayal? Was it like going through someone’s phone for proof of cheating? He knew that Cihad did not want him to know about where he came from. Well, that was too bad.

It wasn’t his fault, but every fucked up thing that had occurred because of the Book was because Cihad brought it to Eden when he was just a kid. There was nothing any of them could do to change that. 

He continued. “There was this place up there. This burnt down town. Have you heard of a place called Blagodat?”

“Stop,” said Cihad.

“That’s where you’re from, isn’t it? That’s where the Book came from.” Tony sat down across from Cihad. There were three chairs at the kitchen table. He couldn’t help but wonder if he was sitting at Cynthia’s. “The people in the North said that they killed almost everyone who lived there over 20 years ago. Not you though. You survived. And you brought that Book to Eden.”

There was an almost unbearable minute of silence. Cihad’s face was like a cold mask, all of the warmth had drained away. He didn’t want to talk about this. Of course he didn’t want to talk about this. It would be easier for Tony to just See the truth of it all instead of prying out answers like he was prying teeth. 

But he wanted to give this man he cared so much about a chance.

At length, Cihad only said, “God kept me safe.”

“You know that thing isn’t a god, right? It’s just some Thing that got trapped here like all of those monsters made of black slime. Only hungrier. It’s from some other place. We’ve been learning about that too.”

“Anthony, I just—“

“You were a kid and you didn’t know any better,” said Tony, and he knew he was about to twist the knife in but was unable to help himself. “But it killed Cathy because it was trying to take her body. And now it’s trying to take mine too.”

Surprisingly, the big nurse didn’t react. Had he already known? To be exposed to the Book for as long as he had, he must have known. That in itself was sickening but Tony could almost understand. Almost. Cihad had not wanted to let go of the one thing that tied him to his childhood. He did not have anything else. It had all been ripped away from him in one night of blood and fire.

“That means Kassidy Nguyen is dead,” he said at last, with a tone of regret. “I didn’t figure it out until I saw her so sick like that. I could have done something. She was just— she was so angry, she was falling apart. I’m sorry. Her mother and I have—“

“She’s not dead but she came close,” Tony interrupted. “It would take more than some stupid alien to kill her.”

Cihad’s shoulders sagged visibly in relief. How strange. It wasn’t like he had known Kassidy. It wasn’t like he had been anything other than her supervisor at the Hospital. Tony used the Sight to take a little peek and saw the swirling truth of why he was so worried about her. There was a common string linking them. A tired little woman. Cihad had been busy for the last year and a half. Cihad had been collaborating with Kassidy’s mother. Not just collaborating, he was her friend. He cared about her. He cared about her so much that he was scared she was going to kill herself if—

No. Stop looking. It wasn’t right. He was here to talk. He was here to talk to someone he cared about like a normal fucking human. Tony shook himself.

“She’s fine,” he said lamely. “Kassidy’s fine.”

What else was he supposed to say? What were they supposed to talk about? There was so much Tony wanted to know. How was Cynthia? How was he? What had happened while he was gone? What had happened before he had gone, during those years that he was hiding with rats and out of his mind? Since Cathy had died, he had seen Cihad twice, and both of those times he had been so…so angry at him! Or angry at the situation. Scared and angry. So scared and angry.

So what now? There was no way to just pick up where they had left off. The time for that had passed years ago. Here he was, grilling Cihad and asking questions about where he came from when he already knew the answers. There were other answers he wanted. How was Cynthia? How was he?

Stupid.

They sat in uncomfortable silence. Tony became acutely aware of how his hair tickled the back of his neck. Every breath seemed to take concentration. Where was he supposed to look? Not into Cihad’s eyes, never into Cihad’s red, red eyes. It was safer to just stare down at his hands in his own lap. Tony had never been good at talking. 

“I just–”

“Are you–”

They started and stopped at the same time. Cihad made a little huff of frustration. Tony grimaced awkwardly and watched the man he had once loved stand up from his chair, turn to the counter, and put the kettle on. Pulled out two mugs. God, what was his problem? He was always trying to take care of other people, it never fucking stopped.

It didn’t take long to brew the tea. Cihad poured three scoops of sugar into one of the cups. Tony’s stomach flipped. He remembered how sweet he liked his tea. It had been years and he still remembered. But for the life of him, Tony could not remember the way Cihad took his. Back when they had lived together, he had never been the one to make it.

When Cihad handed him the mug, he sipped from it without waiting for it to cool down. The taste was so…artificial. In the Strath Tony had gotten used to real tea. The stuff that they sold in Eden was a thin copycat of that, something formed in labs like everything else in this anthill. What did Cihad think of it? He had grown up outside of Eden. Did he remember the taste of real tea? Or had it been too long. Maybe his memories of his old life had faded.

“Are you living in a shelter again?” Cihad asked him.

Tony choked on his mouthful of tea. Was that really what he thought? That he was homeless again? Well, OK, on a technical level he had never stopped being homeless. On a very shameful and technical level, he had been homeless ever since the day he abandoned Cathy. But he had thought that Cihad would have understood the gravity of his situation in this moment and how his life was in danger. “No, I’m–” Maybe he shouldn’t tell him where he and the girls were staying. Not that he didn’t trust him. Tony shook his head. “I’m staying somewhere safe. I probably shouldn’t be out here now. I just wanted to see you.”

“You’re staying somewhere with Kassidy Nguyen.”

“I never said that.” Tony put his mug down. “Look, she isn’t ready to–”

“I don’t need to know.”

Oh, but you wanted to know, you enormous nosy motherfucker. Tony rubbed his face. “Look, a lot has happened. I don’t know how to begin.”

“A lot has happened here too.” Cihad crossed his arms. 

Now that he understood where Cihad’s accent came from, and had heard dozens of irritating people speaking with voices that sounded just like his, it sounded a lot less sexy. The soft T’s. The musical vowels. He was so full of himself. “Yeah, I’m sure it has. I’m sure it’s been fucked, I mean, it seems more fucked here than usual, but maybe that’s because I’ve been gone so long. Everything feels off, I feel like I’m on the verge of–”

“I missed you.”

Ugh. That was not what Tony came to talk to him about. Stay focused. Don’t get drawn in. He laughed nervously. Say it back. Say it back, you piece of shit. “I, uh– you too. My life has gone to hell since the day Cathy…” he trailed off, unable to say what had happened to Cathy.

“I’ve been raising two kids by myself for years now.” Cihad was staring right at him, red, red eyes boring holes into his head. His eyelashes were so thick that it was like he was wearing mascara or something. “It hasn’t been easy. Every night I think about how different things would be if you hadn’t run away.”

Where was he getting two kids from? As far as Tony knew, there was only Cynthia. But then, what did he know? He had run away. Time to diffuse the situation. “I’m sure you haven’t been lonely. Single dad with a tragic past? Guys have probably been lining up outside your door.”

“That’s not funny, Anthony.”

Oh god. Tony prepared to dive head first into uncomfortable sincerity. “I’ve missed you too, OK? I miss you and Cynthia. I did what I thought I had to do at the time. Your fucking Book? We had to run for our lives because of that Thing. You did that. You brought it here and I know, you were a scared little kid, but you still brought it here. I had to run over and over again because of you, I didn’t want to run away, I had to run away. And I still missed you. It’s just all–”

He Saw the guilt and self hatred radiating off of Cihad. Piece of shit. Tony looked away. 

“I’m sorry.”

Self righteous asshole. Tony groaned. “It’s just all fucked. We’re fucked. You and me. I didn’t come back for you. I know, I’m self aware enough to– I came back for my daughter.”

“Your daughter?” Cihad’s voice had a funny edge to it. Tony winced. “What do you mean by that? Do you think you can take her away? You don’t have custody. You never–”

“I don’t know what I mean. Goddamn!” Why was he being so defensive? Cihad had never been like that before. He knew that he could never take care of Cynthia. Not now. Not ever.

“You don’t have custody,” Cihad said again. Suddenly he was breathing hard. He seemed big and angry. “I’m her father. I’m the one who’s taken care of her. Alone. By myself. I’m tired of people telling me that they want her to take her away. I’ve got social services sticking their noses where they don’t belong, and all these threats from Si– and now you show up and you finally want her? I don’t think so.”

“Calm down.” Tony put his hands up. “What’s the matter with you? I just meant I want to make things right with her. I’m fucking homeless, man, you think I can take care of a kid?”

That took the air out of him. The silence grew between them. 

This was fucked. Tony knew it. He should have waited longer to make it right. He should have prepared for what he wanted to say instead of just winging it. He was so stupid. He was stupid and he had been lonely for too long. There was a hole in his heart where his family had once been and over the years that hole had expanded. 

And still, he wanted to know more. Why would social services be involved in Cihad’s life? They didn’t get involved with perfect people like him. CPS only went after families like– well, families like Tony’s. All it would take was a little peek. All it would take was the blink of an eye. But he couldn’t do that. It wasn’t right to do to someone he loved, he had to keep telling himself it wasn’t right. 

Why couldn’t he just melt into the floor?

“Thanks for the tea,” he said lamely. Tony stood up. “I’ll go. I’ll just go. We can pick this up later when I’m not a fucking idiot.”

“Don’t go.”

“No, man.” He didn’t know where he was supposed to put his hands and just stood there awkwardly. “I wanted this to go well but I’m going to screw it all up again.”

“Please don’t go.”

Wasn’t that just a knife in the heart? Sweat beaded on his forehead. What was he supposed to say? Cihad was practically begging him to stay. Every instinct in Tony’s body was telling him to leave. Go home. Regroup. This was too hard. It was going to hurt too much. He wasn’t ready. He was so stupid. Everything he said was just going to piss Cihad off. There was no way to have a civilized conversation with someone like that! The more Cihad clung onto him, the more Tony wanted to push away. But he didn’t want to push away! He was just so– so!

There was a sound from the front hallway. The door opening? Tony frowned and shot a dirty look at Cihad. Fucking liar. Of course he had some kind of lover who had keys to his house. Cihad frowned back at him and mouthed something unintelligible. Tony shook his head. Cihad pointed at him. Tony made a throat slitting motion. 

Hopefully it was burglars because if some little booty call walked into this kitchen, Tony was really going to lose it.

“--so annoying!” chattered a very young sounding voice. “You know she’s copying your look, right? She’s doing her eyeliner exactly like you now.”

“Yeah, well, it looks like shit,” replied an equally young girl’s voice. “It’s so childish. Bitch. I can’t stand her. Such a tryhard, she’s just, she’s like fucking jealous, you know? Yancey said people are just jealous of me.”

“Rachel’s covering for you in homeroom, right?”

“Rachel’s covering for us.”

Tony watched as Cihad’s face flushed and his eyes widened. Ah. So the delinquent apple did not fall far from the delinquent tree. He remembered this little game from his days in high school. Cynthia must be skipping class under the blissful belief that her overprotective father was safely at work and far away.

Ah.

Oh shit. He had to get out of there. Not now! Not like this! He hadn’t seen Cynthia since she was 9 years old and god knew what Cihad had told her about him! She probably thought that he was dead! The best case scenario was that she thought he was dead! What else would she think?! 

There was nowhere for Tony to escape to. He was trapped in the kitchen and was totally unprepared. His body was frozen in horror.

No time. There was no time. He stood there like an idiot as he watched a girl who had grown into a person he did not recognize walk into the kitchen and freeze just like him.

So this was Cynthia at 15 years old. Her round, dark face and sturdy frame were so much like Cathy’s at that age that it was like he had gone back in time. Just like Cathy. And not at all like Cathy. This was a different girl. This girl did not wear glasses. This girl did not cover her hair. Cynthia wore jeans and a crop top, instead of the dresses her mother favored. She wore her braids tied up in pigtails that showed off her pierced ears. And her eyes– her eyes were as blue and vacant as the sky.

When she froze, she wasn’t even looking at him. She stared at Cihad like he had grown a second head.

“What are you doing here?” asked Cihad immediately. Oh, he was very angry. It was coming off him in waves.

“What are you doing here?” Cynthia shot back. She crossed her arms defensively. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be at school? You’re skipping again? We talked about this– Cynthia– your teachers, they will call social services if you–”

“Oh my god, it’s not that big a deal! Calm down! I didn’t feel well and I didn’t want to call you!”

Another kid edged up behind Cynthia. The kid from the photograph. They looked to be the same age as Cynthia but taller and neater. There was something unsettling about their face but Tony didn’t linger on them too long. They put their hands with black painted fingernails over their mouth. “Uh-oh.”

“Uh-oh?” Cihad was getting red in the face now. “Uh-oh sounds right– you’re going along with your sister on this one? After everything you told me about wanting to go to school like the other kids?”

The other kid cringed. “No, Dad, I just– I don’t know.”

“You two are grounded, you’re grounded, I’m taking your phones, I’m taking–”

And then Cynthia screamed. She had finally looked at Tony. The noise she made was horrible, a wail that was equal parts pitiful and excited, like a puppy that had been locked in a cage all day. It came from the deepest parts of her. She screamed and suddenly she was launching herself at him, throwing her arms around him as tightly as she could. Cynthia pressed her face into Tony’s chest. She was sobbing.

And Tony did not know what to do. He did what he had not been able to do for years. He hugged his daughter.

Piece of shit. This was his fault. He had done this to her. In keeping her safe, he had deprived her of a father.

Cynthia wailed and wailed and sobbed and sobbed. She would not let go of him. Tony awkwardly rubbed her back. There was a lump in his throat he could not swallow and his own eye prickled but he would not let himself cry. He was the reason she was crying. He had missed her so much for so long and now he did not know what to do. He did not know how to be. It hurt too bad.

“You’re dead!” Cynthia cried, like she was a little girl instead of a teenager. “Dad told me– me– me you were– were dead! You were dead!”

Oh Cihad. He had chosen the easiest, least hurtful route. It was what he would have told her too if their places had been reversed.

What was he supposed to even say? Tony was so bad at this. He had never had a good father to model himself after. He was out of practice. It had been too long. When he tried to speak, his voice cracked. “I– I’ve got you, baby.”

Cynthia started wailing again. Words weren’t coming out anymore, just long unintelligible whines that sounded like ‘daddy’. 

Not like this. This had been stupid, impulsive. Tony had needed more time to think. He had needed time to think of how to apologize even if he couldn’t make it right. Maybe it would have been easier if she was angry at him. Now all he could do was hold his little girl for the first time in so many years.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you, baby.” It was all he could think to say.

The apologies would come later.

[countrymusiclover]

98 - The Family Falling Out

Part 99

Gemini Runaway

@icefrye19 @secretdreamlandmentality

New Orleans - 4 years ago

Stepping onto the porch of Mary the crescent werewolf leader I knocked on the door. Raelyn had called me a few hours ago saying that they had come to the school complaining that the wedding should happen soon. "What do you want, Mikaelson!" Mary opened the door aggressively towards me.

"I was informed you paid my wife a visit earlier this morning and I am here to clear some misunderstanding up for you." Putting my hands on the edge of the doorway I stayed outside. "My daughter Alina will only marry Jackson if she wishes to. Whatever power you think you have, remember I can kill you without blinking!"

She raised her head slightly. "I'm not afraid of you, vampire. I have faced creatures like you for a long time."

"Hmm well see that…may I speak with the young lad?" I clicked my tongue, smirking lightly at her.

She glared at me. "Like hell I will allow that!"

Someone walks through the kitchen where I tilted my head to the side. There was a young boy with curly black hair and dark black eyes that stared at me. "Mom, is this Alina's dad?"

"Yes I am, mate." I vamped through the door past his mother standing almost pressed against his chest. "My name is Klaus and you must be Jackson - ah!" I groaned covering my heart seeing an arrow sticking inside my back where I collapsed onto the floor.

Jackson lifts his gaze up to his mother. "Was that really necessary, mom?"

"Yes it was. The Mikaelsons are nothing but trouble." She lowered her crossbow.

It was a few minutes more before Klaus woke up and yanked the arrow out of his heart. "Listen here, bayou wolf. My daughter is the most important thing to me. So if you're not in this to protect her and treat her as family. Then I don't see how your son is worthy of marrying my daughter in the future." He growled, flashing his hybrid eyes at the woman.

"Mr. Mikaelson, I am not in this against my will because my mother forced me to marry Alina." Jackson pushed his mother away from the hybrid. "I have always been attracted to her since I first saw her when we were kids. I don't want to marry her until or if she ever feels the same about me."

"And you vow that if you marry that you will treat her fairly, protect her and follow her wherever she wishes go go?" I questioned the young werewolf wanting to know his intentions with my daughter.

Jackson nodded with a serious look. "Yes, sir."

"Even if she has yet to trigger her werewolf curse?" I gave him one more final test seeing that his mother gave a look of annoyance that Raelyn had yet to tell her that. "Would you still be so devoted to her?"

Jackson nodded in agreement. "Yes, Mr. Mikaelson. I care about her. Not what species she is."

"Good lad. We'll be in touch, Jackson…just Jackson." Placing my hand on his shoulder I headed out the door sending Mary a glare before I slowly started walking through the woods sensing someone behind me. "Alina?"

Her blonde hair was straight and falling down her shoulders wearing a dark black jacket that looked like mine. "Hi dad, can we talk?"

“Lina, you can’t be here.” I warned her.

She put her hands together in front of her, giving me a kind smile. “It's an astral projection, dad. You don’t have to worry. I came here wanting to talk about something…how exactly did you know that you cared about mom?”

“What exactly are you wanting me to tell you, sweetheart?” I asked her crossing her arms over my chest.

She avoided my gaze, dropping it to the dirt sighing heavily where I heard her heart skip a beat. “Humans are naturally supposed to feel love from other people that aren’t related to them by blood. But I don’t know what that feels like…I don’t know I can feel that for Jackson. So I’m asking you…how does it feel to love someone who isn’t your family…”

“Let’s go somewhere more private to have this conversation, honey.” I gestured for her to go first so we could get out of the middle of the woods. This wasn’t something she wanted to talk with her mother about obviously.

Mystic Falls

“So we left on me becoming a vampire heretic and giving birth to my children. What questions do you all still have for me?” I asked glancing back at my class seeing that we were now going through my whole family history after I met Klaus and his family.

One girl with strawberry blonde hair raised her hand. “Mrs. Mikaelson?”

“Yes, Reagan. What’s your question?” I called on the girl.

She put her hand down and back on her desk. “Why exactly are all your daughters different supernatural creatures? I mean you said Hope will be a Tribrid. Alina will be half witch and wolf. Then there’s Melissa who is a heretic like you.”

“Ah I see what you mean.” I smiled at her question thinking it was actually a rather good one. “The best answer that I can give you is it’s because Klaus and I were not born as exactly normal. I was a siphon born with no magic of her own and he was a born bastard werewolf with his mother being the woman who created the entire vampire species.”

Another boy who had just moved here who I think was named Mg raised his hand. He was a dark skin boy with curly black hair. “Mrs. Mikaelson, do you think that Hope and Missy will have a hard time controlling their blood thirst like some average vampires do?”

“That is another great question Milton - uh forgive me MG. I get the whole nickname thing because of my husband and daughter.” I explained putting my notebook on the big desk in the center of the whiteboard. “Anyway I’m not sure. For myself I know I don’t have very good control when I drink from the vein. But what I can say is everyone is different-“

The classroom door gets flung open by magic and everyone including me turns their head to see Missy stomp up to me getting in my face. “I can’t believe you’re splitting me and Alina up!”

“Um that’s all for today. Class dismissal.” I quickly responded by sending everyone out of the room since she was clearly very emotional right now over whatever she claimed I had done to her and her twin sister.

She threw her hands up in the air shouting. “Were you just never gonna tell me that you sent my sister off to marry a werewolf in New Orleans. Basically make us separated for the rest of our lives!”

“Who told you about it and I didn’t do it intentionally sweetheart. It was so that Mary would give up the last werewolf bloodline that we could save your uncles Kol and Elijah. Then they helped bring back your father.” I asked her putting my hands in the pocket of my red leather jacket with my hair in a ponytail.

Missy rolled her eyes moving her body around. “Hope did after Alina came in crying so unsure of herself. But that’s not the point. She’s my twin, my best friend and you’re sending her away from me!”

“Uh Missy how about we talk this over with some hot chocolate.” I tried to calm her down seeing everything in the room started to shake. Over these past few years as they have been getting older I have been seeing what Dahlia was talking about. The dangerous power of the first born Mikaelson witches.

Missy raised her hand, launching me backwards into the student desks with tears running down her face. “I thought you of all people would understand how close twins are. Considering that you and Jacob are the same. But no, you are tearing my world apart..and you claim you are trying to protect me but you’re not!”

“Urgh Missy…I do understand. I miss your uncle everyday. But we can’t let the Hollow take you or your cousin Andrea. What I am doing…it’s for the best.” I grunted pulling myself up and feeling some scraped wounds healing over from the impact she threw me.

Missy clutched her hands into fists sniffing through tears causing the glass windows to shatter. Covering my eyes with my hands I watched her stomp out of the room without another word. “Cut the crap, mom. You’re in hell and completely miserable without dad. We all can see it even if you won’t admit it to yourself. I’m done talking to you!”

“Missy…Missy wait….ah... .Melissa!” I holler her name starting to run after her but I halted in my tracks seeing the destroyed desks and shattered glass around me. Lowering myself to sit down on the ground I leaned my back against the wooden desk.

Taking out my phone I tried to call my husband but I got his voicemail for some odd reason. “This is Klaus, if this is Raelyn I’ll call you back. If it’s anyone else, leave your number and I’l ignore it.”

The phone beeped so I could leave a message. “Nik, it's me. Missy just came in here and destroyed the classroom because I didn’t tell her about Lina’s engagement. And I…I don’t know what to do. I…I freaking can’t breathe without you…so call me….I can’t live like this for much longer. I…I miss you and I love you like hell.” I began sobbing by the end of the message where I just dropped the phone in my lap hanging up.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[12msweekly]

Chapter 4 Text

Hello. It’s me, James Wiclow, writer of this journal and navigator for “the winter’s storm.” And I think I may have encountered a Piece of magic I’ve never seen before. I must inform you of this, as this has taken up much of my day and controlled my thoughts. I believe a very powerful force is working to force me away from the sea of forests. 

To explain what has happened, I must start at the beginning. This morning, I was getting prepared to set out on my journey to the sea of forests, to be the navigator for a simple supply run mission to the Empire of Salion. In my excitement, I woke up extremely early, so early that it was still dark, and the stars were still out. I checked the position of the stars to confirm that the Portal to the sea of forests would still appear in the same place. To my utter Surprise, the stars had changed. Drastically. No other Way is appearing, except Ways to the sea of gold.

From an academic standpoint, the sea of gold is quite significant regarding conversations about the creation of different worlds, as the sea of gold is by far the sea that is most likely to be created by an intelligent being. The quote on quote “perfectness” of the sea of gold as well as the unique shape of the planet leads most academics, including myself, to thinking that it was created by an intelligent being. 

This current situation is one for the books, to put it lightly. Manipulation of “ways” is theorized to be impossible, as completing that would require moving many major celestial bodies, but that seems to be what has happened. I do not know how this is going to effect major movement between our world and the 12 seas, as while we may be able to get to the sea of forests from the sea of gold, the dangerous nature of the sea of gold sanctions a well deserved fear of that sea. I will meet with my crew today and discuss our plans, as this is detrimental to our plan as a crew to travel to the sea of forests, as well as my personal plan to visit my friends, the elves, in that sea. 

I am curious to visit the sea of gold, as it is a sea I have yet to travel to. The biggest danger, and honestly, the only danger in the sea of gold is an effect known only as “Gold Fever.” This ���Sickness,” is one of the mind. The sea of gold is functionally “perfect,” with the sea and the wildlife being docile as well as delicious. Many people wish to stay, as life there is easy. From what I have read, there is a magical effect on the sea that keeps people wanting to stay, affecting their brain with a subtle madness. Even people not under the direct effect of this spell cannot tell that their allies are under it, as the influenced thought process of the affected person seems reasonable. 

I know of some Nondoi researchers from the sea of tears have done a lot of study into the sea of gold. If my crew intends to stay here in the mainland I will contact them for their knowledge. I believe they may still be here. If we decide to go forward into the sea of gold, and possibly travel from there to the sea of forests, or the sea of stars, I must accompany them. They will die without me. 

I know during my last entry I stated that the life I live is boring, or so terrifying that it makes it all not worth it, but I must take that back for this one specific situation. I am really quite excited that I’m in a place where I can be on the front lines of discovering this mystery, and not stuck working for my father, or stuck in the navy. Whichever way my crew decides we are going, I have a feeling my life is changing for the better!

There is a pandemonium. Even stepping out of my house, the bottom 3 stories of what used to be a 10 foot tall stone sentry tower, I could see issues about. There is a large influx of boats in the harbor by my home, and as my home overlooks the sea and is perceived as being important, there were many people outside of my home, asking questions about what had happened. As well as,,, Witches. In broad daylight. 

I suppose I must explain this. Many years ago, the empires of man sought to eradicate witchcraft, and doing so they forced witches out of their homes, and eventually they ended up at the coasts of the land. These witches made agreements with pirates and other unsavory groups. For protection from the governments of man, these witches will protect these pirates with their dark magic. Zarra, the goddess of witchcraft, was so pleased that she flooded her home domain and made it into the 12th sea, the sea of curses. She also blessed all her witches with the supernatural ability to track the creation of Ways. 

With that stain on the world’s history over with, I can continue. I quickly made my way to the docks, where every manner of people from every manner of sea were leaving. From what I overheard, not only did the stars move making navigator’s jobs more difficult, but Zarra is being unresponsive, meaning witches cannot track ways as well. Another point for us in the battle against dark magic. 

I am now on my ship, the winter’s storm, and just talked with my crew. The Empire of Salion is maybe ramping up for war, which is news to me, and these materials will be rations for their people. Our mission is far more dire than I previously thought. We held a vote, and much of the crew seemed surprised in me voting to carry on with the mission. The news of this oncoming war scares me, even though it is not surprising to me that the elves are entering combat with their neighbors. 

Despite my protesting, my captain Jeanne has made contact with some witches, who say that the number of ways is increasing, and that many ways to the sea of gold are being created. This backs up the idea of the sea of gold being controlled and created by a creature. We leave in 2 hours for the sea of gold.