#I am already finished the episode but brother you can just start with that

[totallynotheart]

WE JUST START THE EPISODE

[damn-stark]

Chapter 36 Have you left a seat for me?

Final chapter of Moonlight

A/N- The final chapter! but there will be an epilogue!!

Warning- some angst, FLUFF!!!! Talks of death and violence, SPOILERS!! FOR FUTURE EVENTS OF HOTD, USING FIRE AND BLOOD, long chapter.

Pairing- Aemond Targaryen x Velaryon!fem-reader, Cregan Stark x Velaryon!fem-reader

Episode/Pages- Past 578

(If you want to be tagged let me know)

————

And there he is ever so gracefully under the moonlight, like a wild wolf admiring the beautiful moon. Only Cregan is very quietly watching over your son as he continues to talk to Alys, making sure that she doesn’t…cast a spell on him you assume? He is very wary of her because of what she can do.

“How is it going?” You interrupt his silence even though he already heard you approaching him since you were a few paces back.

“I do not know,” he shares as he peers over his shoulder and watches you break the barrier of space that was between you by wrapping your arms around his waist, and then pressing a kiss on his shoulder blade before resting your chin on his shoulder.

“He left dinner a while ago to come talk to her again,” he adds as he turns his head away to continue watching the pair distancing themselves from the Weirwood tree—“At least he hasn’t turned into a frog.”

You roll your eyes and gently knee the back of his leg, causing him to laugh breathlessly as he cups your hands wrapped around him before drifting his gaze to the corner of his eyes to be able to look at you.

“We can ask in the morning,” you try to assure him. “Just trust her okay? Has Alys given you a reason to distrust her? Alys likes the kids. All of them. If she didn’t she wouldn’t have agreed to help.”

Cregan hums in comprehension and then turns around to be able to look at you, letting you see his conflicted eyes brewing under the moonlight. “I tried talking to Jacaerys, but he brushed me off. Again.”

You watch the desperation in his eyes and lift your hand to stroke his jaw. “My love, he’s drinking right now and carried away with his brothers. Try again when he’s sober. Alright?”

Cregan nods his head and then lifts his hand to caress your arms. “I have been dropping my woes on you, how was your funeral?”

The softness taking ahold of your eyes fades and that sorrow and ache once again contorts your face. Cregan notices right away and interjects rapidly. “I am sorry I could not be at your side. I wanted to…”

“But Aemond would not have liked it,” you finish his sentence and move away from him to start leading him away from the Godswood. “So it’s okay. I already told you it was. Besides, the girls were at my side in your place.”

“And because they wanted to be there too,” he adds, causing you to respond with a small smile that tells him that you know that too.

“And I'm grateful for it…” You trail off and your smile fades whilst agony quickly takes over the sorrow as you think back to what Aerion said and did earlier.

“Do you think…I did something wrong to make Aerion and Daenys forsake their father?” You have to ask out of helplessness because what Aerion said has been gnawing at your mind all night and wounding your heart for Aemond— “You know I tried to keep our people from speaking ill of him when they lived in Winterfell, and I never talked bad about him to them either, but they still don’t acknowledge him. That’s why Daenys didn’t bother showing up for his funeral.”

Cregan glances at you and sees your distress and guilt clearly spewing out, making this conversation easier to navigate. “They know what you told them. They remember your efforts of painting him in a good light so they can look at him fondly, but, my darling, they are adults now and you cannot keep the world silent.”

Your frown deepens and you whisper. “I know.”

He swallows back nervously and continues to be brutal but honest. “They were going to learn about their father's doings and form their own opinion about him one way or another. Besides, they…didn’t know him as you did, so the good shared by one person cannot outweigh the bad written in history and shared by thousands.”

You draw in a shaky breath and nod, leaving a silence to spread between you and linger as you make your way to your dragon. Cregan doesn’t know that but he follows you anyhow with the silence not bothering him.

“One time,” you break the silence and keep the melancholy emotions running high. “A Red Priestess told me that three of my children would be followed by sin,” you pause and Cregan looks at you bewildered, not because he finds what you’re saying absurd, but because he can’t believe you seem to take words from the priestess so seriously.

“I have tried to break my head trying to figure out what she meant for so long…”

Cregan sighs out of annoyance but he doesn’t fail to amuse you. “What does it mean?” He probes.

You glance at the starry sky and share what you assume. “Daenerys is a bastard. We cannot deny that. We can't spin it any other way. She was created while I was married to Aemond,” you say with no actual guilt or distress because you don’t let that fact bother you anymore—“And Daenys and Aerion will always be overshadowed by the actions of their father and me. Kinslayers. Every time someone figures out who their parents are, that's the first thing that will come to mind. That sin.” Your voice breaks but tears don’t spill. You continue to look distressed.

“That should not bother you. They’re words of a witch. I have told you this many times.”

“But it does,” you retort and drop your eyes on him. “Because it’s what makes me a bad mother.”

Cregan lifts his eyebrow and leans his face towards you to whisper. “If you’re a bad parent then I am one too. I cannot talk to my sons and in turn, they don’t trust me enough to bear their sorrows on me. They think I hate them because I cannot simply talk to them. I am too cold. I am their Lord rather than their father, so don’t bear that burden alone.”

You hold his gaze and your eyes soften with awe as you let out a soft and relieved scoff. In turn, Cregan strokes your chin and then drags his hand up to caress your cheek, making you lean into his touch.

“I love you,” you remind him, making a warmth creep onto his cheeks and a timid smile tug on his lips.

“I love you too,” he doesn’t hesitate to redirect.

You hold his grey eyes for a second longer before you look ahead and pick up your speed as you walk past the castle gates and see Astraea curled up outside the wall since she’s too big to fit within the castle walls and too protective to stray far to find a nice open space to rest.

“<Look at you!>” You exclaim to your beloved dragon in High Valyrian and skip before you jog to her. “<Too worried to go far?>” You ask. “<Good girl,>” You coo as you reach Astraea and throw your arms around her snout.

This time Astraea fills her silence by letting out an affectionate growl. You proceed to caress her and press your forehead against her, choosing to leave it there for a moment, but then getting interrupted by the sound of a word that sends you in alert. “Mother.”

Your eyes snap open and you move away from Astraea without letting her go to follow the sound and that’s when you catch Jacaerys sitting against Astraea with a goblet in his hand that he lifts in the air for you, and Cregan walking up behind you.

“Father.”

You share a quick glance with Astraea and then let your hands slip to slowly approach Jacaerys. “I’m surprised you’re out here, Jace.”

He scoffs and takes a long drink of wine before he gives you his response. “Why? You should know I’m going to enjoy my last bits of freedom before I am forced to wither away at the Wall.”

You blink repeatedly out of nervousness and then you snap at him. “Jacaerys. We already talked. Don’t—”

“All for you father,” he cuts you off and pushes the cup toward Cregan slowly making his way to you and Jacaerys.

“Jacaerys.”

“It's alright,” Cregan assures you. “He may speak his mind.”

Jacaerys rolls his eyes away as he turns his head away. Cregan reaches where you are and pats your arm before walking past you to be closer to Jacaerys.

“Why are you mad at me, Jace?” Cregan asks, making your stomach knot with concern. Especially as Jacaerys keeps quiet for a while.

Astraea senses this and turns her head to gently tap your side with her snout so you can relax. And you do take a breath but you still feel worried. More so as Jacaerys finally meets his father's eyes.

“Because of you and this need to send me away to the Wall,” he finally snaps with his eyebrows quickly furrowing. “I may not be next in line to be Lord like Rickon or Maekor. I may not have dragon dreams like Torrhen, or be married to a lady with a powerful family, but have you ever thought about what I wanted and not what you wanted? Have you thought about the fact that wasting away with a bunch of old men is not what I consider honorable? It’s always, “It's an honor”, or “It’s your duty”, that I started to be someone that I wasn’t to believe it, but I’m tired. I do not want to be a Brother of the Night's watch. That’s not me.”

Cregan drops his head and places his arms on his hips, whilst Jacaerys glances over at you with a flicker of surprise over the fact that he just said all that to his father. And as Cregan remains quiet Jacaerys speechlessly asks for reassurance so you offer him a small nod and a gentle smile, letting him draw in a deep breath and return his attention to his father.

“Then what do you want, Jacaerys?” Cregan interjects as he lifts his eyes off the ground to look at Jacaerys without anger. It would be heard in his voice if he was angry.

“I,” said man pauses but not because he’s caught off guard or clueless. He just exhales and then continues. “I cannot have a dragon like mother, but maybe I want to sail and…see the world like Yi-Ti, or some other distant land. This world is big. I don't want to just waste away in some corner imagining what it might look like when I have the ability to actually know it.”

A proud smile spreads on your face as you hear your son's dream. One similar to the one you had once upon a time.

“It was told to me that a Stark always had to serve the Wall. With all your brothers having a place in this world, I placed that duty on you without taking your opinion under consideration. And maybe if your mother had been another woman I would have forced you, but…” Cregan pauses and looks back at you with an admiring smile. “I have heard your words before. I know that girl would want nothing more than to let you go and do what she couldn’t,” he says, making your smile tremble—“So go if you want Jace,” he directs back at his son. “Or stay. Follow your heart. Be free and keep dreaming in ways that girl couldn’t.”

Jacaerys eyes fall and you see his mind racing so you approach Cregan and hook your arm around his. He turns his head and presses a kiss on the top of your head.

“Mother…is it true?” Jacaerys questions since your past desires are something you haven’t shared with your kids. It’s been forgotten for a long time until now.

“Once. I always wanted more, but your father helped me see that I already had so much in what I was given. I just had to learn to see it and enjoy it. Besides…my place was always here. I learned that long ago, but your place…is wherever you want it to be because you don’t have the burdens we did…so be free Jace.”

Said man nods in comprehension and his breath shudders as he lowers his head again. Cregan takes this time to approach him and take a seat beside him without uttering a word. He just sits with his son, causing the boy to slowly look at his father with an appreciative smile.

Cregan slowly meets his gaze and offers a sweet smile in return, making your heart swoon as you watch the silent interaction from where you stand.

——

*A FEW DAYS LATER*

“<Trust me we’re getting out of here now,>” you assure Astraea since she’s not a fan of the Riverlands. “<But I do have to tell you that when we get to King’s Landing you’ll have to fly to Dragonstone. Aegon…” you breathe out as you stroke her face. “Is not a fan of you, so stay at Dragonstone until it’s time to leave okay?>”

Astraea, like always doesn’t respond, you know she listens but she can’t respond.

“Are you flying Astraea to Kings Landing?” You hear a voice travel into your ears, making your hands fall off Astraea to turn and face Torrhen joining you and your dragon in the field past the castle walls.

“Not yet. I don’t want to leave you all behind for two weeks,” you let him know and watch Astraea as she pushes herself up and crawls closer to Torrhen to nudge him gently.

“About that,” Torrhen brings up softly as he lays his eyes on Astraea. “I am going to stay with Alys. Just until you make your way back this way. After that, I am leaving back home with you.”

You blink in surprise and then your eyebrows knot together. “Are you…sure? You don’t want to go see your sister? Or your uncles?”

Torrhen's grey eyes slowly find you and he sighs before he explains his reasoning. “I would like to, but I have been learning so much from Alys, and she still has a lot to teach me. I don’t want to waste this opportunity, not while my mind is still rampant. I still cannot make sense of what I see, but…the weight of them is not as heavy anymore and it’s thanks to her.”

Your confusion and concern falls and the corner of your lips show your amusement as it rises. “And you didn’t want to talk to her,” you remark teasingly, making him laugh under his breath.

“Maybe after this, I can be unburdened by my dreams and visions and be carefree like her,” he adds, causing you to fall serious and close the space between you to wrap your hand around his arm and gently caress him.

“If that's what you believe then stay,” you assure him since even if he wasn’t asking, he was still seeking your opinion without demanding it. “And then come home,” you press, but quickly break into a smile to let him know you’re not all that serious about demanding him home.

“Or don’t. If that’s what you want. I will be sad, but it is normal.”

Torrhen shows his pity, but he quickly consoles you. “My place is still at home. Do not worry.”

You scoff and nod lightly in comprehension before you let go of his arm and offer him a sweet smile. “Stay then, and after…talk to your father? Him and Jacaerys talked, so maybe you can try talking with him now.”

Torrhen sees the desperation and the plea in your eyes so even if he’s hesitant he tries to please you. “I will try. I swear.”

You let out a breath of relief and when he notices the change on your face he flashes you a faint smile before he licks his lips and tries to share his concern. “Will you be okay when you return to King's Landing?”

You have returned to King’s Landing many times already, so going shouldn’t bring you so much conflict, but you still grow stiff and nervously avert your gaze. “I always am,” you respond in a stiff voice and then drift your eyes over to him to offer him a faint smile to go with your response.

“Now,” you avoid going deeper into that conversation since he knows more than anyone you're depressing history with King’s Landing. “See us off?”

Torrhen doesn’t deny your request, he happily lets you hook your arm around him to return to the castle side by side.

The moments that follow aren’t eventful, you stick to your schedule and depart from Harrenhal to head to King’s Landing whilst also leaving Torrhen behind with Alys with no protests from anyone. Then again what could they say? Even if this would be his first time being alone away from home, he’s a man grown trying to make sense of his abilities. It’s best to leave him be so he can get his help.

Besides, the further you get away from Harrenhal and your youngest child, the less you worry about him and the more that you feel distressed by returning to King's Landing, the land where you once lived your life for fifteen years.

Happy memories were made there. Good memories you cherish, but the grief, agony, torment, and the violence that you lived through there is what makes itself present every time you think about King’s Landing and every single time you've returned because it’s a constant reminder of what you lost. Just like Dragonstone. Albeit you can actually step foot in King’s Landing, you cannot and have not returned to Dragonstone—Even if it’s been twenty-five years since your mother died.

Time was supposed to heal you. Turn your wounds into scars, and then distant and faded memories, alas, the moment you arrive to the great capital and lay your eyes on the amazing Red Keep, you curse everyone who said such a stupid thing because twenty-five years since your mother's death, twenty-six years since Aemond’s death, and twenty-seven years since the war started has not passed in your heart or your mind. The memories and the anguish are not vivid anymore, but the scar hurts, and the ache is a reminder of what you no longer have.

At least there is happiness and light in the family you do have living here though. They keep the storm at bay and break a smile on your face.

“Grandmother!” The sweet little sing-song voice of Naerys rings as she breaks out of formation and makes her way to you.

You beam right away as you see your young granddaughter running to you and meet her halfway to quickly sweep her off her feet and hold her against you. “Hello, my little songbird,” you coo as you hug her tightly. “How are you feeling, hm?” You ask right away.

“Oh grandmother I have missed you,” she lets you know before she pulls back to face you with her sweet blue eyes. “I am better.”

You grin brighter. “I’m glad to hear it. And for that, your grandfather and I have brought you a present.”

The little girl's eyes brighten as she grows giddy. “What is it? Where is it?” She asks and looks past your shoulder.

“With your grandfather. You’ll have to wait for him to get here,” you tell her, making her even more eager to know. “Now let’s put you down—”

“Hey! Where is Astraea going?!” Another young voice interjects, making you drift your eyes down to see your grandson Aemon running past you to watch Astraea fly away with a pout—“I wanted to ride her,” he complains as he crosses his arms over his chest whilst you put Naerys down and approach him from behind.

“Forgive me little one. I don’t want to distress your uncle Aegon, so she has to leave,” you tell Aemon, Daenys’ oldest child with her husband and your brother Viserys, making Naerys their youngest child and Aemon’s sister.

“Well,” Aemon huffs and turns around to face you. “Then can you promise that I will ride her with you before you leave?” He pleads and bats his eyes, making you touch your chest and melt.

“Of course, I promise, but first,” you add and crouch to be at his level. “Why don’t you show me some love, hm?”

The little boy grins brightly and then throws his arms around you, causing Naerys to join in and throw her little arms around you too.

“Oh, how I’ve missed you all. You’ve grown so much since I last saw you,” you mutter as you embrace them against you.

“I lost a tooth since we saw each other last,” Aemon shares as he peels back to show the gap where his tooth is meant to be. “Because Aegon pushed me during training.”

You stroke his chin and whisper. “Did you get a coin for that tooth?”

Aemon closes his mouth a nods, causing you to flash him one last smile before you let Naerys go and stand to your given height to turn around and face your daughter Daenys.

Once your eyes are on her, much like her daughter, she breaks from formation and makes her way to you as you make your way to her to meet each other halfway with an embrace.

“I am sorry I could not go to Harrenhal,” Daenys chooses to make that the first thing she still tells you without knowing that her brother already told you the real reason why she chose not to go.

Albeit you don’t bring it up. Like with her brother, you let her be angry and have her own emotions toward her father. Instead, you caress her back and assure her. “It’s alright. I understand. I’m just glad Naerys is okay and I could make it here to see you.”

Without needing to see her you know Daenys is smiling timidly and that’s all you need from her to let the ordeal go.

“When do the others get here? Is Alysanne coming?” She asks as you both pull away from each other and hold each other's hands.

“She is. And they should be here by the end of the day.”

Her smile widens at the sound of the news, making you stroke her cheek before you move to greet your brother Viserys, who was thought of as dead for a while, but a few years after peace was officially announced throughout the realm, a family from Lys sailed to Westeros with him aboard to bring him back home. With conditions of course, but alas, that condition abandoned Viserys a year after she had their son Aegon the Fourth.

After that condition left is when Daenys and Viserys married, out of duty, but also because they grew a liking to each other as Daenys was the Queen’s Lady-in-waiting.

“Vis,” you greet sweetly and don’t greet him with an embrace, instead you cup the back of his neck and offer him a sweet smile that he mirrors with a charm added to it.

“Sister. I’m happy to see you and I know our brother Aegon is eager too, but…” he trails off and you finish for him.

“Astraea. Yes, I assumed. How are you?”

He shrugs. “I have no reason to complain. My daughter made it out of her illness and you are here with the rest of our family soon to join…Aerion is coming, yes?”

You giggle and nod. “Of course.”

His smile grows wider and he nods in comprehension. After that, you step to the side and look down at the little boy standing beside him.

“Hello, Aegon.”

Said boy offers you a faint tight-lipped smile, but that’s it. He doesn’t mirror his siblings' excitement, so you move on to greet the Queen, Daenaera Velaryon, one of your cousins, and the second wife to your brother Aegon after Jaehaera sadly passed away not long after she was crowned Queen and before she and Aegon could have children.

Daenaera is sweet and charming. Kind and understanding which is why you were comfortable greeting your grandchildren, daughter, and brother first, because she doesn’t mind it and because to her your title as the Dowager Queen commands more respect, so she lets you be, plus she knows you’ll never leave her out, and you don’t. After you greet her, you then greet her children standing at her side, but then hastily return to her to touch her expecting belly since you treat her like you do your brothers, with affection and warmth.

Once that greeting is over nevertheless, as all the noise of your welcome has calmed down, you make your way to a drawing room in the royal apartments. One that you would spend your time at with your mother and brothers. One where the setting sun would shine through the balcony window and bask your mother ever so perfectly, making her look ethereal and angelic as she listened to you read your books in Valyrian, or sing a song.

You always liked the end of the day in that room because of that detail. You looked forward to it every day because it was always so warm and comforting. She was always so warm and comforting…

When you're there now, all that's gone, leaving only a sad memory. Thus your exhale is heavy and not relaxed, and when a knock raps on the door you expect to see someone who’s been dead a long time, but instead you see your brother Aegon walking in so you quickly get up and curtsy. “Your Grace,” you greet, and right away Aegon puts his hands out and interjects.

“Please, you do not have to do that when we’re alone. You’re the Dowager Queen. I owe you my respects,” he says and then offers you a small bow, making you giggle before you make your way around the couch to reach him.

“Dowager Queen or not you are still my King,” you argue, causing him to lower his head and then shake it.

“Perhaps but I prefer to be your brother first,” he counters and you sigh before taking his hands in yours.

“Alright…sweet brother. I’m glad to see you.”

He lifts his solemn blue eyes off the floor to meet your gaze, causing a shuddering breath to escape through your nose as a memory of your mother flashes in your mind. Aegon doesn’t look like your mother, he doesn’t have her eyes or the same color hair. His hair is also pin straight and he’s impressively tall and lean, but even so, as you look into the eyes of the little brother who was with you when your mother died, you see her in him for a fraction of a second.

“And I you,” he redirects as he gently rubs the back of your hands with his thumbs. “Is your dragon…”

“Gone?” You cut him off and then nod. “She flew to Dragonstone. She’ll stay there until it’s time to leave, so you can rest easy.”

He nods stiffly in comprehension and you proceed to take a long look at his thin face, noticing he looks a bit thinner than usual. “Aegon, my sweet, have you been eating?” You ask and he pulls his hands away and nods quickly as if to brush you off.

“Quite well in fact,” he dismisses you and makes his way over to the couch to take a seat, making you walk back to sit beside him.

“Why do you come here first every time you come to King's Landing?” He cuts the other conversation short. “I always mean to ask, but I always forget.”

You intertwine your fingers together and exhale deeply as if trying to work up the courage to share the reason. As if it was costly to your scarred heart. “Uh…when I was a little girl I used to come here with our brothers and mother…”

Aegon shifts slightly at the sound of the memory but you continue.

“…it was not every evening, just some, but we would spend time here whether it be playing, talking about our day, and or doing some different activity, but,” you pause and your eyes flicker to your hands as the memory becomes more vivid than before. “One of my favorite things to do was read or sing to our mother right here on this couch because when the sun was setting it would peek through the balcony doors and all the windows and kiss her ever so gracefully, making her look…absolutely breathtaking, so I would admire her and hope every time that I would grow up to be as beautiful as her…” you trail off and peel your hands away from each other to gently rub the couch before finding the strength to look at him without feeling like you’ll cry.

However, you notice that Aegon is teary-eyed, so you reach over for his hand and cradle it.

“I wish I could have seen that,” he mutters and averts his gaze. “I wish I had been born earlier so I had more time with her like you and our brothers did.”

You give his hand a soft squeeze, causing his eyes to pull back to you and catch your pitiful smile.

“I try to talk to Viserys about our mother, or our father, but…he doesn’t remember how they look like or actually hold a single memory about our life before, so I’m alone in my grief until you’re here.”

If only he knew how alone you felt in your grief whether it was with him, or without him over the simple fact that he never lived in the earlier years when you still lived with your mother and brothers. But you don’t tell him that to avoid breaking his heart.

“If you ever want to talk you can send me a raven,” you remind him. “I’ll answer as soon as I can or even fly here if need be.”

He giggles softly and you can’t help but smile before you drag yourself closer to him and share a small story about your mother since he loves hearing them. Albeit there was a time when he was a boy that he wanted nothing to do with you because of the fact that you left; he was so livid that you left him all on his lonesome, but when he got older and a bit mature he figured out that you left because you had your duty to your husband and your family, and well…older sisters eventually have to leave their little brothers behind to live their lives. He was never aware of the fact that you couldn’t continue living here, and you would never tell him.

“One time when I was a little girl, as you know, I liked going down to the platform by the sea,” you begin your story, sparking eagerness within him to know more.

“I liked to sneak away from my Septa’s, and our mother never got me in trouble even if she was told to, but,” you giggle. “She got curious as to where I always ran off to one day, so she followed me without my knowledge. Every step I took, she took in secret without making a peep. She was rather sneaky. Eventually, when I reached the platform, she came up behind me as I reached my straw man and announced her presence so abruptly that she frightened me so badly that I fell over the ledge with my straw man falling under me, breaking my fall, but not shielding me from the wave that crashed over me. So I got soaked, and after our mother helped me back to stable ground she laughed…and I laughed with her.”

A smile tugs on Aegon’s lips before he laughs softly, making his shoulders shake and his solemn eyes spark with a flicker of joy.

That reaction makes you laugh with him, giggle in fact as you watch him and admire the way he laughs because it’s so rare to hear. You have to grasp and internalize the scraps you’re given. However in doing so, even though the sun is not seeping through the balcony door and all the drawing rooms windows, sunbeams still find their way inside and cast Aegon in its illuminating hue, making his usually dark blue eyes gleam brightly, and making him appear as beautiful as you mother looked when she was basked by the same sun.

For the first time in twenty-five years since her death, for a fraction of a second, your mother was in the same quarters as you in the body of her son. And then…as fast as that second same, she left and you were orphaned all over again.

——

*SOMETIME LATER*

After some time of being in King's Landing, it’s finally time to leave, and yes, you’ll miss your brothers, your daughter, and your grandchildren, but besides the memories that haunt you, this place is not as grandeur as you once believed. Thus you’re eager to leave with Alysanne to the Riverlands until she gives birth—albeit you will miss the sea; it’s so far from Winterfell...

Nevertheless, before you can even attempt to leave, you enter your chambers to grab what you need before you meet up with Daenys and Aerion, but as you come across your bed; you see that there's a rather long and wide gift box sitting on the bed.

You look around in confusion before you approach the gift box and notice a small square folded note attached to the ribbon that has your name neatly written on it.

Cregan comes to mind, but he has not eluded to gifting you something. He usually would, but he hasn’t and neither have any of your children, so, you eagerly grab the note to see who it could be from.

“Dear sister,

I found one of Mother’s gowns so I had it tailored for you so you could cherish and wear it. And that’s not at all, in my search I also found one of her rings and I noticed that you fidget with your rings the same way she did, so I had it customized for you.

From,

Aegon.”

Whether you wanted to or not, tears run out of your eyes without warning and stream down the curve of your cheeks whilst your heart dances with pure bliss. You try to open the gift box, but all you can do is put the note down before you start sobbing, and your heart starts aching out of genuine bliss.

You can hardly breathe for quite a while so you have to sit down and catch your breath first before you wipe the tears off your face and pull the box onto your lap. More tears do quickly well up in your eyes, but you ignore them and pull on the ribbon to loosen it and put it aside before you open the box. Thin paper presides over the gown so you yank it off and when you lay your eyes on the black and crimson gown you break down again, but to avoid staining the gown with tears you cover your face to cry into your hands.

After a few more tears you pull your hands away to wipe them off your face and then wipe your hands on your thighs before grabbing a small velvet box that was placed on top of the gown.

Of course, more tears stream down your face and your shoulders tremble as you take in the simple yet beautiful gold ruby ring that once belonged to your beloved mother.

After she fled the city and after she died you never thought you’d find any of her things. Most of the smallfolk took off with the jewelry and the clothes she had to leave behind, leaving only a few things behind, so you didn’t have much until now. And it’s all thanks to your sweet melancholy brother, Aegon.

You smile at your gifts and gently smooth out the gown. You would wear it right away, but the day is coming to an end so you’ll have to save it for later. As for the ring, well, you wear that now and get surprised when it fits just right.

You proceed to linger on the edge of the bed after that with the things resting on your lap until you feel like it doesn’t look like you’ve been sobbing uncontrollably. After that, you set the gift box down on the bed again and grab what you came here for before meeting up with your children.

As expected they’re already waiting for you where you told them to with quite the impatient look painted on their faces.

“Mother,” Daenys complains as she unfolds her arms. “Where have you been? We’ve been waiting here for ages.”

You snicker and roll your eyes as you walk past the pair, catching the way Aerion tries to study your face as evidence that you’ve been crying still remains on your face.

“Mother,” Aerion speaks up as he trails right behind you. “Are you alright?”

You hum in agreement and unlatch the tall windows to push them open and reveal the roofs. The same roofs that Aemond and you would escape to when you were children—“Come,” you urge them and step out of the window to stand on the roofs.

“Mother,” Daenys calls out. “Are you mad? What are you doing?!”

“Just come on,” you brush off her panic and lead them away from the window and around the corner where no windows decorate the walls so you aren’t seen. Aerion and Daenys are hesitant to follow, you almost believe that they won’t follow you, but eventually, you see them peeking around the corner.

“Mother,” Aerion calls out now with worry, but you just pat the empty spots beside you.

The siblings look at each other with concern but Daenys takes the risk and falls by your side, Aerion lingers behind cautiously, so you interject with amusement. “We will not fall, trust me. I have done this hundreds of times.”

“I believe you,” Daenys mutters and raises her head to peek over the ledge.

“We will not stay long,” you assure them, and then turn around to dig into the bag that you brought with you and pull out things they have not seen before.

Aerion notices that you’re pulling things out of your bag so he carefully makes his way over to join you and his sister. “This is completely unsafe,” he mutters. “You are meant to safeguard us, not put us in harm's way.”

You snort and cover the things by pulling back a thin layer of your gown. “I fought in a battle with your sisters in my belly, and have taken you on dragonback when you were babes. I am not someone who takes safety as my priority, besides, you will be fine. Unless you’re reckless. Are you?”

Aerion carefully takes a seat beside you and then shakes his head and deadpans. “No.”

You shrug to brush him off and then move along with the matter at hand. “I brought you here today because when we were in the capital together a few years back, I…never took your feelings toward your father under consideration. I worried about my own grief and my own loss that I disregarded yours and thought lies that I would only recently uncover. So now that the three of us are here I summoned you to a…rather unexpected place, but it’s a place where Aemond and I would come to when we were kids. So it’s special.”

Aerion and Daenys share another quick glance before their eyes fall on your lap as you yank off the layer of your gown to show what you brought.

“This,” you continue to speak before they have the thought of interrupting and pick up a hand-carved wooden siren. “Is a siren your father carved me when he was a boy. He lacked a dragon so he picked up other talents, and whittling was one of them.”

You put the siren down and grab the heart-shaped book that holds songs and ballads in Valyrian. “This,” you move on to the book. “Is a rare book of ballads and songs he scoured the earth for because he knew how much I loved to sing in Valyrian, and well, he really liked it when I sang in our mother tongue.” You giggle and pass the book to Aerion since he’s more musically inclined than Daenys.

“And this,” you move on to the third thing made of glimmering gold and beautiful gems. “Is a circlet inspired by one of my favorite ancestors, Daenys the Dreamer. He,” you pause and draw in a deep breath to calm your racing heart—“he had this done like one Daenys wore in a drawing of her in one of the history books because he knew how much I looked up to her. It was after I had you, Aerion.”

Said man sits in silence for a moment and when he returns the book to your lap he quips, “expecting a girl?”

You smile bashfully. “Desired a girl, yes, but we were still rejoiced when we had you…he really did love you Aerion, and you too Daenys. He never got to meet you, but he loved you. He cared about you both,” you finally share what you came here to say as you put the circlet down to give them your attention.

“If he really did love us like you say,” Aerion cuts in while Daenys remains quiet—“he would have tried harder to make it back to us, but he fought and died. He left and died.”

You nod rapidly. “Yes. Yes, don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I was furious too? I was left widowed with three children. Newborn twins and an infant. I was mad too Aerion, because he died after he promised that it was just us in this world that mattered. Him and me…Me and him, but he left with only traces of him to haunt me.”

“Then perhaps he should have fought harder,” Aerion continues to be hard-headed as he pouts down at the surface beneath his feet.

“I…” you trail on with tears pricking in the corner of your eyes. “I was angry at my father once too. I forsook him because he left too. I carried that hate in my heart because I was betrayed by him and my mother. All I felt pulsing through me was my anger, so I know, I know some of that resentment you hold for your own father, but as someone who went through that, as someone who knew how much Aemond loved and cared for you both, I just want you to change your perspectives. Open your hearts and accept a little piece of him at least.”

“But,” Daenys’ sweet voice finally fills your ears. “He was a monster. You have your scar to prove it.”

“And you have a new part of the city to prove my sins,” you defend him by shedding light on your own wrongdoings. “He did bad things, yes, but I did too. Everyone who fought in that war did bad things, some worse than the others, but it was done. It doesn’t make him any less of your father. It doesn’t take away that he still loved you.”

“But you have your life to make up for it,” Aerion argues, making your eyes drift to him. “And you raised us. You were here and made sure that we did not only think of the bad parts when we thought of you. When I think about Aemond…I see the death, destruction, and pain he left behind.”

“Because,” you pause and drop your head to fiddle with the wooden siren. “That’s what you hear. That’s what they all say about him, but he was much more than that. He,” you laugh softly and with a fond smile. “He would watch you sleep to make sure you were breathing when you slept. He went out to make sure you found your dragon so you didn’t feel ostracized like he did. He was selfish, but that made his love that more passionate.”

“I wish…we had memories together,” Daenys whispers in such a way that can only be heard if you’re sitting next to her, so you barely catch what she said—“Not just words spoken by you and others. That’s why it makes seeing him as a monster easier because I can’t even dream of him. At least Aerion can cling onto that, but me…I only have his name and trinkets that have no meaning to me.”

You look at her with pity and you catch tears crawling out of her eyes, but she’s quick to wipe them away.

“I am sorry, my Sweet,” is all you can offer her besides the wooden siren he had made for you—“keep it. It was made by his own hands. It’s not him, but it’s something made by him.”

Daenys carefully takes the siren and looks at you with worry. “Are you sure?” She asks.

You nod and pat her hand. “Positive.”

With a faint smile, Daenys looks down at the hand-carved siren, assuring you without words that she will try to look at her father under a different light, leaving you to seek Aerion’s response to all this now.

“You can’t ask me to forgive him just like that,” Aerion says and tries to hide his quiver.

“Nor will I ask you to,” you reassure him as you take his hand in yours. “Just change your prescriptive.”

Aerion takes a deep breath and then shudders. “I’ll try.”

A relieved look unfurls on your face and you squeeze his hand. “That’s all I want. Monster to man.”

Aerion meets your gaze and shares a faint nod, causing you to raise your hand to stroke his cheek and look into his striking blue eyes for a second longer before you look away and watch the horizon with contentment just like you would so long ago.

Life has been hard. It is still hard sometimes, but you can admit that you know what peace means now. You’re not falling into any abyss. You know happiness, you can find it in every member of your family. You know love, and it’s true you miss so many people, but their loss is not like being pierced in the heart or getting it torn and shattered, it aches when you remember the good moments, but you’ve preserved through your agony and grief, and that’s your greatest achievement because you can love again. You can smile with your lips and your eyes, and you can enjoy the sun's warm embrace as it seems to shine just for you as you dip your feet in the sand and let the salty sea waves crash over your feet on the morning of the day you have to leave King’s Landing.

Everyone else is barely starting to stir awake because you made it your mission to get up as the sun was rising to find serenity by the sea before you left.

Albeit there is one presence who does join you in your moment of solitude, but they don’t announce themselves. They watch you from afar as the sun completely shines just for you, kissing your skin, and making your silver-white hair glimmer like untouched snowflakes on fields of snow.

They can’t see your face since they’re behind you, but they know you well, they can picture your blissful smile as clear as day as you take in the sun and welcome the cold touch of the water. Perhaps—no, this is the best part about departing from the North and visiting King’s Landing and or visiting Driftmark, they get to see you completely enamored by the sea as if you were a mythical creature parted from their home. It’s always breathtaking to see and be a part of it that they don’t want to move from where they are, but after a while of stillness, you’re the one who looks over your shoulder with your smiling gaze.

“Come. Join me,” you wave Cregan over and his lips show off a fascinated smile before he breaks away from his spot and joins your side unable to part his eyes away from your face.

“What?” You quiere with a giddy smile. “Will you dive with me this time? Just a few miles offshore. I swear it this time.”

Cregan’s smile softens and his eyes darken as his pupils dilate even bigger as you’re all that reflects over his gaze.

“You are and have always been my heart's keeper,” he interjects assertively and catches you off guard. “Everywhere you go my heart follows. Even in death, where the sea meets the edge of tomorrow.”

Your breath catches in your throat and you look as if this is the first time he’s ever made such a passionate confession, when in truth he has never stopped reminding you how much he loves you. Physically and with sweet and romantic words. You're the one who lacks in reminding him sometimes, but your heart has never faltered, it has only grown fonder.

“And you, are the reason I am here,” you now offer him a confession of your own filled with just as much passion. “You are the reason my heart beats and why I draw in air. You are my morning and evening star. My light and the color that forbids me from looking at the world in black in white. Everything about you fascinates me, from the inner markings of your soul to your stormful grey eyes.”

Cregan scoffs softly as he stands in disbelief, causing you to react by cradling his cheeks to close the space between you. He follows by wrapping his hand around the back of your neck and pushing you to him to rest your foreheads against each other and just breathe in and be in each other's presence under the shining sun, and by the peaceful blue sea.

——

*SEVERAL YEARS LATER*

A loud gasp escapes your lips as your heart jolts and your eyes spring open. However, you’re quickly forced to shield your eyes from the blinding light that shines before you, letting your other senses take in your surroundings instead, like your ears, that catch the sound of louder chatter, laughter, and music in High Valyrian. Your nose also kicks in and you smell freshly made strawberry tarts, roasted pig, and every other traditional Valyrian food that you love.

But it’s weird because the last thing you remember is…getting swallowed by darkness. It was slightly terrifying, but you couldn’t resist its call, you let it take you…here…

You slowly pull your hand down and open your eyes, catching at that moment, the sight of your hands missing the wrinkles that once marked your skin to proudly show off how long you’ve lived. Now besides seeing the expensive and extravagant jewelry decorating your hands and fingers, you see that your hands look like they did when you were a young adult…

You would ask yourself why and start to panic, but as your surroundings come into focus you realize that you’re in a corridor you don’t recognize, but one still so familiar that doesn’t let you feel estranged. You feel at home like this is where you were meant to be the whole time. It’s why your jolting heart that had started to race calms down to a relaxed beat.

That’s not all, the bright light that once blinded you is not actually before you, but casting through the colorful stained glass set on the stone walls that all tell a story of…your Targaryen ancestors. Every major event that you read in books or got told is told on the glass, even the past you lived through.

You see a visual summary of the war, the dragons that fell, and the family that got torn apart. It’s there and as tempted as you are to walk to it to admire it from up close, the commotion coming from behind the tall doors ahead of you is more tempting, so you break away from the spot you woke up from, walk past grand stone dragon heads sitting at the sides of the doors, and without hesitation you push the doors open, catching sight of the beautiful lilac gown on your body made of your favorite silk from Yi-Ti, and catching sight of your long white-silver hair flowing past you with the swift movement.

Yet what does the sight of a beautiful gown and unique colored hair hold compared to what you see in front of you, the marvelous and breathtaking sight of so many different people, all whom you know in your heart have Targaryen and Velaryon blood running through them just like you. They’re all your family…every body and soul is your family that once lived…just like you…That’s right…you’re dead and now you’re…yet in another space you don’t recognize, but it doesn’t feel at all strange; not with the warm setting sun embracing your figure, or the sight of your family.

You could melt with all the heartwarming bliss you’re already filled with, however, before you can melt, the sound of your name breaks through the commotion, snapping your attention straight ahead.

Albeit you don't catch a thing. The sound of your name continues to be called though so you walk down the stairs and go toward the crowd. Before you can make an attempt to break through though, none other than Jacaerys and Lucerys come out, catching you off guard and paralyzing you right where you are.

“Jace,” you breathe out with your eyes set wide with bewilderment and fascination. “Luke.”

The pair look at one another with a teasing smile before they both offer you heart-warming smiles that you start to mirror as your eyes immediately brim with hot tears.

“Jace…Luke,” you call out again and then laugh, making them flash you a grin before they giggle too and set off toward you, causing you to break away from your spot and run at them. When you meet each other halfway you can’t contain your excitement, you jump on them and they don’t fail to catch you or laugh with you the moment you’re wrapped in each other's embrace.

Nothing is said when you’re tangled in each other's arms; no witty remark, and no funny joke, nothing is passed between you but a comfortable silence as the three of you take in the fact that you’re together again. After so much longing, you’re together again and nothing will tear you apart ever again.

“Mother!”

Your eyes snap open and ahead of you comes Alysanne; the girl who reintroduced you to an agonizing grief when she died after the birth of her first child. Following at her side is your eldest boy, your Aerion who died alongside his step-brother Rickon as they fought a war his cousin Daeron started against Dorne.

They were both gone from your life for so long. You mourned their death until your dying breath because losing children was a different and more painful heartbreak than you had felt before. Alas, there they are and every muscle in your body takes you to them right away.

“<My loves,>” you mewl in High Valyrian as you embrace the both of them the same way you embraced your brothers so you wouldn’t leave either of them out.

“<Mother,>” Alysanne cries as she's overcome with emotion. “It's been so long.”

“I’m here now my darling,” you console her as you rub her back. “I’m here.”

Alysanne nods, you can feel her head moving as she welcomes your comfort as if that’s what she’s been needing since she died.

“Oh,” you gasp and step back to turn around and face your brothers. “I’m assuming you know my brothers, your uncles. Jacaerys and Lucerys.”

“Yes, we do,” Aerion lets you know while Lucerys confirms with a nod.

“Don't worry we’ve been looking out for them since they got here,” Lucerys offers you some consolation, making you smile brightly.

“Not that we needed looking out for,” Alysanne quips. “But we’ve been together all this time. We hardly separate.” She says with the corner of her lips perking up.

“Because mother hardly lets them out of her sight,” Jacaerys interjects and your curiosity piques while every single thought becomes about her.

“Mother…” you mouth and let your children go to step forward and probe. “Where is she?”

Jacaerys’ eyes point forward, past the bodies of your children, so you turn around swiftly as if afraid your mother would disappear, and as if intertwined with each other's thoughts, the dancing crowd in front of you begins to drift away, making a path that leads you to the middle of the floor where your mother is under the twinkling candlelight.

She doesn’t spot you right away, it’s not until she probably feels you staring that she turns and steals your breath when your eyes lock together.

“Mama,” your voice quivers and your heart skips a beat as the commotion around you drowns out, the dancing light all over the room dims except for the lights above her, making her the center of all your attention, and making her beauty that much more enchanting to your eye.

Maybe it is because you haven’t seen her in so long, but something about her just glows.

“Mama,” you say again and start moving toward her with a wobbly smile tugging on your lips and tears flying past you.

Your mother doesn’t lack a reaction; her lips part slightly as her eyes glimmer at the sight of you. She doesn’t keep still either, the moment you make your way toward her she comes after you too, letting you meet in the middle of the hall with a tight embrace that connects your hearts and finally feeds that yearning they felt for each other's connection once again.

“<Oh my sweet,>” she coos as she cradles the back of your head and keeps you close.

“<Mama,>” you keep saying as you weep happy tears, feeling the world around you completely disappear, leaving only you and her in the large hall.

No more yearning and no need to strain your mind to remember how she looked or how she smelled. You’re together again, drawing in her calming scent, and basking in the comfort and warmth only she could provide.

You died an old lady, but here, now, with her and the others you’re the age you were mere days before the war started, that brief period where you were endlessly happy and you had it all; your brothers, your son, Aemond, and your mother.

“<We have all eternity together now,>” she assures you, making you beam and grip onto her tighter.

“<And I’m glad for it. Thank you for looking out for my children. Thank you for loving them while I was gone.>”

She scoffs softly. “<I would do it all for your children because they’re my grandchildren too, so there’s nothing to thank me for…you did good my sweet. I’m so proud of you.>”

You nuzzle your face in the crook of her neck and pamper her with more tears.

“Someone’s been waiting for you,” she interjects, pulling you away from her to look her in the eyes, but not ask who because the moment those words leave her mouth, you think about one person. Thus without asking and without guidance of any guide you let her go and drift away from her to head toward the tall windows that decorate the massive stone walls.

The people around you make way for you without needing to be told, or at least you don’t care to excuse yourself because you’re so consumed by the thought of him; of seeing him, of touching him, and being in his arms again. So much so that when you finally make it past the sea of people and find him outside the window sitting on the roof and watching the sun go down, you stop breathing. Your heart feels like it stops beating and the entire world around you freezes except for him, Aemond.

Just like with your mother, there’s no need to say his name, he turns around and your eyes meet, making sparks fly, and reviving your heart. Whilst his jaw drops and his eyes widen while he slowly stands up.

When he starts moving, your legs move in unison, and after breaking every single barrier of space that was keeping you apart, you throw your arms around each other to bring each other as close as you can manage to be without being in each other's skin.

This time unlike the others there’s no words exchanged because no amount of words can explain how enthralled you both are for being reunited. The longing looks speak for themselves when you pull away at arm's length to take in the sight of each other. The matching breaths share how in sync you are, and the smile your faces hold share how connected your souls are.

Still, he gently cups your cheek, and you cradle his face, taking note that he looks the same age he was when you were the happiest; that moment in time before the war, where you had it all. He chose that moment too, leaving you both to be forever young.

“<Me and you,>” he mutters and pulls you toward him to crash his lips on your forehead.

“<You and me,>” you echo and smile tenderly as your heart feels forever content now.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

A/N- Lived to watch her family die and then outlived her younger brothers and two of her children…

Tagged- @namelesslosers @stargaryenx @chainsawsangel @lauftivy @winxschester @cloudroomblog @llarue @padsdarlg @sofietargaryen @gracielikegrapes @dreaming-of-the-reality @itzelpeyton @patdsinner33 @mrsdominickstark @elaena-aerrin @todoroki-slut @snh96 @urmomsgirlfriend1 @nifujiswhore @sweethoneyblossom1 @kaetastic @lightdragonrayne @squidscottjeans @oh-you-mean-me @wallacewillow0773638 @icefrye19 @thescottpack @fiction-fanfic-reader @crazymusicgirl104 @r-3dlips @strangersunghoon @just-pure-trash @ethereal-athalia @missyviolet123 @callsignwidow @xunquish-blog @tabathastan @weepingfashionwritingplaid @answer-the-sirens @silverlightsaber @rosey1981 @amortentiaaaa

[trashyswitch]

Mess With Sun, You'd Better Run

Eclipse has been trying to take over Sun's body for the past week...And Sun is having none of it. When night time approaches, Sun decides to teach Eclipse a lesson in the hopes that it would slow his progress. Eclipse will quickly learn how scary Sun can be if you toy with him too much...

This fanfic was suggested by @anxious-lee-ler. Funny fact about this fanfic: I haven't watched through all of the web series, so I got a lot of help and approval from Drew for this fanfic! As a result, I already know he really likes it. I hope everyone else likes the fanfic too!

Sun was ready to lose it. Eclipse had been driving him nuts for the last several hours! It started with little things, like giving him small headaches while gaming with Moon. But it had escalated into trying to take him over while recording videos! He’d had enough. This has to stop. He hoped some talking and compromising would lessen the constant headache taking the form of Eclipse. He just had to wait until evening took hold. 

Sun and Moon had just finished recording their episode for the day. They turned off their cameras and put their controllers down. “Alright…” Sun mumbled. 

“Alright. I think a nap is in order.” Moon said aloud. 

���Really?” Sun looked at Moon with surprise. 

“What? Streaming makes me tired.” Moon told him. 

“Sorry, just…” Sun thought for a moment. “Sorry…You go have a rest.” 

Moon tilted his head. “Are you okay?” He asked him. 

“Me?” Sun pointed to himself. “Oh yeah! Yeah, I’m fine.” He replied a bit too enthusiastically. 

Moon stared at Sun for a few moments. “...Uh huh…” He muttered. 

“I’m okay, I promise!” Sun tried to tell him, showing him a thumbs up. 

Moon sighed and nodded his head. “Okay. Have a good night.” He told him before heading into the back room for the night. 

“Good night!” Sun replied, waving to him as he watched his brother leave the main daycare. As Moon disappeared behind the curtain, Sun’s arm dropped to his side. Now was a better time than any to escape into his mind and confront Eclipse. 

“You gonna pay me a visit, Sunny? It’s been forever…” The voice in his head asked. 

Sun sighed. “Speak of the devil…” he mumbled to himself. 

Sun sat himself down onto the chair behind the main desk of the daycare. With his body resting, Sun shut himself down and went into his inner mind. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was a big blur of dark orange in the corner of the room.  

“Well look who finally showed up…” The blur mumbled with a sneer. He looked annoyed, almost like he knew Sun would arrive to give him hell. 

“What’s the deal with you?” Sun asked. 

“I’m bored...It gets quite boring here after a while.” He complained. 

“Why the headaches?!” Sun spat. 

“Because you never let me have any time in the spotlight!” Eclipse yelled back. 

“And what have you done to earn yourself a chance?” Sun asked him. 

“I’ve been silent, compliant, and patient with you. I think that speaks volumes.” He clarified. 

“The only thing that speaks volumes is this constant headache that YOU started!” Sun argued. 

“Well what else am I supposed to do?!” Eclipse argued. 

“Literally anything! Anything besides giving me a mind-splitting headache!” Sun shouted. 

“Okay, then I’ll take over.” Eclipse replied. 

“NO!” Sun shouted, pushing him away. 

Eclipse growled and stomped away from him, muttering the word “Asshole…” as he kicked the dirtless ground of the inner code. 

Sun grunted to himself as he watched Eclipse act like a petulant child. He was getting nowhere with this guy. He looked up and down, trying to figure out what to do with him. How does one stop a glitch from taking over his body? Because if it were him, he would expel Eclipse from his head. Now, normally he’s not the kind of robot to wish a shut down on anyone…but it’s a little hard to keep yourself passive when you’ve been hit with a thundering headache all day. 

Sun sat himself down for a moment as he stayed lost in thought. There had to be some way to get through to Eclipse. At least, some sort of tactic to buy himself some time. He tried to think of what he would do if Moon had been bothering him. Though, Moon had NEVER stooped so low as to cause him physical pain and psychological torment. Though, there were a few times when Moon would play pranks on him or scare him…

Sun smiled slightly as he remembered those moments. Moon is such an evil prankster. And yet, he’s also quite vengeful when given the chance. The amount of times Moon had tickled him after Sun had tried to prank him back, is impossible to count on just two hands. Moon is a brutal tickle monster when provided an opportunity. And yet when it comes to Sun…He’s unbelievably playful and passive. It’s��actually really sweet. 

“What?” Eclipse spoke up. 

Sun widened his eyes slightly as he looked up at Eclipse. “Oh nothing…” Sun replied a little too casually. 

Eclipse was now staring at him, slightly unnerved. “What…are you planning?” 

Sun’s smile widened just enough to be noticeable. “You’ll see…Very, very soon.” He muttered in an almost villainous tone. 

Eclipse sighed and laid himself onto the floor. “Whatever…Don’t care.” 

Sun smirked as he saw the perfect opportunity to strike. He walked himself closer. “You said you wanted something to do, right?” Sun asked. 

“Uhhh…Yeah?” Eclipse slowly turned his head to look at him…only for him to regret it the second he saw those wiggling fingers. 

Uh oh…

“I think I have the perfect thing to play…” He heard from Sun. 

He widened his eyes with slight fear. Oh god…

“Hmm? What’s that look for?” Sun asked rather menacingly. 

…Oh god no… “S-Sun?” Eclipse stuttered, the look of fear worsening. 

“What’s wrong, Eclipse?” Sun asked him. He moved a few steps closer. “Is someone…ticklish?” He asked. 

That was all it took. Eclipse did a full 180 turn and booked it like his life depended on it. “SUN, LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS!” He shouted. 

“Nah.” Sun replied in an eerily easygoing tone. 

Eclipse slowed his running to a stop the moment he realized how far Sun’s voice had been with that last ‘Nah’. He turned around and was taken aback by Sun’s chasing tactic: 

Sun wasn’t chasing him. He wasn’t even running! Sun was skipping! Actually skipping around like a little toddler skipping through the meadows! Any other time, it would’ve been adorable! But right now? The skipping made things even more anxiety-inducing! Was Sun…toying with him?! 

Eclipse wasn’t sure what to do. With Sun just skipping his way around the code room, running felt like too extreme of an action. But…He couldn’t just sit there! He needed to keep away from the crazy daycare attendant threatening to tickle him! 

The only thing he could think of doing was talking to him. “S-Sun please stop!” Eclipse tried to reason with him. 

“Oh now you wanna reason with me?” Sun asked, pausing for a moment with his usual genuine, yet slightly eerie grin. 

“Yes! Anything to stop you from trying to tickle me!” Eclipse reacted. 

“Tickle you?” Sun tapped his own chin as he pretended to think. “Now why would I do such a thing?” 

“I-” Eclipse growled. “YOU TELL ME!” 

“Hmmm…Maybe it was because you were trying to take me over all day.” Sun explained in an off-hand way. “Or maybe it was because of the overwhelming headache I had been getting due to someone changing up my coding.” Sun also explained. 

“I-I didn’t know tampering with your code would give you a headache!” Eclipse argued. 

“Hmmm…Is that so?” Sun walked himself closer. “Y-Y-Yeah! H-Honest!” Eclipse put up his hands in arrest. “P-Please…” 

Sun reached out his arms as he got closer and closer to the different-colored daycare attendant. Eclipse looked super nervous. What does he do?! Is Sun gonna tickle him? Or is he gonna tell him something? Does he run again? Does he reason with him some more? Or does he take it? So many questions, and little to no answers in so little time! Fearing the worst, Eclipse closed his eyes and braced for impact…

…

“Boop!” 

“eeEEEK!” Eclipse hugged his side and doubled over. 

“Ho ho HO!” Sun let out in the same signature tone. “Looks like Clipsy IS ticklish!” Sun declared. “This MUST be investigated!” 

In no time at all, Eclipse felt the giggles overwhelm him the moment Sun’s fingers made contact. As Sun would quickly find out, it wouldn’t take much to get Eclipse to laugh. Just a few pokes to his thin belly would make him jump and guffaw. That, followed by a few flutters to the neck, followed up by a few scritches to his rays, were all it took to make Eclipse curl up and giggle like a little child. “EEheeheehee! Wahahait! nonono dohohon’t!” He reacted, wiggling his rays in an attempt to stop Sun’s nimble fingers. 

“My goodness, you’re more ticklish than I thought! It’s funny, I almost want to forgive you!” Sun admitted. 

“Ihihi’ll nehehever forgihihive yohou!” Eclipse shot back. 

Sun chuckled. “Funny how you think you still have control over me.” Sun teased. “If you had been more polite, maybe I would’ve gone easier on you!” Sun sighed. “But I guess that would be asking too much from you.” He concluded. 

Eclipse tried to move his rays away from Sun’s agile fingers. But this did pretty much nothing. All it did was give Sun more rays to tickle. “Suhuhun plehehehease-” Eclipse squeaked as he felt yet another ray being scratched. “NAHAHA! DOHOHOHON’T!” 

Sun gasped. “Oh my god- The back of your rays are worse?!” Sun reacted. 

“YEHEHEHES! CUT IT OHOHOUT!” Eclipse tried to push him away. “STOHOHOHOP!” 

“Oh Clipsy, Clipsy, Clipsy…” Sun dodged his hands and kept on tickling. “You can push all you want to. I dare you to try and push me off!” Sun added. “But we both know it won’t work.” He teased.

Eclipse, thinking he could still get away, started covering up his rays instead. Maybe with no rays available, Eclipse couldn’t be tickled so vigorously. 

“Goodness me! What a move!” Sun reacted rather dramatically. “Looks like I’ll have to go somewhere else…” Sun started to stroke his chin similarly to an adult with a beard. “Where else should I go next…” Sun asked aloud. 

Eclipse stared at Sun. “Are you…playing with me?” He asked. 

“Me? Playing? Oh no no no!” Sun said in the most playful voice possible. “Sun would NEVER play! Especially when it comes to something as serious as a takeover! That would NeVeR happen!” He kept on saying sarcastically. 

Eclipse was too busy staring at Sun, to fully comprehend his words. But he could very easily read his tone and facial expressions quite clearly…

And holy crap…He’d never seen Sun act like this before! Not even with Moon! And Eclipse had been observing their relationship from within Sun’s mind for several months now! He was only now starting to take over Sun’s body! 

‘So why is Sun acting like this with me?!’ Eclipse thought to himself. 

“I thought you’d never ask!” Sun declared, reading his mind. 

Wait, WHAT?! HE HEARD THAT?!

Sun giggled and raised Eclipse’s chin. “Because it’s funny seeing you stumble and fall while executing your mission! You’ve been so busy trying to take over my body, that you haven’t even taken the time to realize who you were messing with!” Sun declared. 

Eclipse widened his eyes as an electronic shiver went up his spine. Okay…maybe he underestimated Sun. 

“Oh! And I know what tickle spot to go for now!” Sun declared. 

Wait, NO! 

Suddenly, Eclipse felt a hand grip his knee joint…and in no time at all, Eclipse felt himself get flipped upside down. “aAH! Sun, stop! What are you doing?!” 

Sun giggled. “It’s obvious, really. You are a small part of Moon’s code! Isn’t that right?” Sun asked. 

“Y-Yes, but-” 

“Then you’d have at least 1 similar tickle spot to Moon!” Sun declared rather happily. But his demeanor quickly changed the moment Sun raised his hand up so he could see Eclipse eye-to-eye. “And that’s perfect for me…because I happen to know Moon like the back of my hand.” He mentioned. 

Eclipse tried to knee Sun with his free leg. “Damn you!” He shouted. 

Sun caught his other knee with no issue at all…almost like he was planning for Eclipse to kick him. Sun moved it out of the way slightly as he made a clicking sound. “That’s not very nice, is it?” He said, staring into his soul. “Physical violence? AND bad words?!” Sun lowered his hand and flipped Eclipse around so his face was looking away from Sun. “You’re just begging for it, aren’t you?” 

Eclipse gulped. “B-Begging for what?” 

Sun laughed as he grabbed slightly below both knee joints with only one hand. “Oh! Begging for tickles of course!” Sun declared. “And my favorite little tickle spot to go to when Moon’s being extra mischievous…” He brought his fingers closer. “-Happens to be the back of these special little knees.” With that little mention, Sun started fluttering and scratching his evil little fingers against the pit of the right knee first. “Right about here.” He added. 

Eclipse gasped before throwing his head back with a yelp. He wheezed and covered his mouth, attempting to prevent Sun from getting what he wants: Confirmation. But oh god, was it difficult! The desperation to laugh was almost agonizing! But the last thing he wanted was for Sun to figure out that he and Moon share a tickle spot! Maybe if he holds out long enough, he’ll stop! 

“Oh?” Sun looked down, and noticed Eclipse’s hand placement. A little smirk filled his face. Ooooh, he could have fun with this~ 

Sun looked up. “I guess this one isn’t very ticklish, huh?” Sun asked, acting none-the-wiser. “Maybe this other knee is worse?” Sun asked as he switched to his left knee pit. 

Not expecting this change, Eclipse accidentally let out a whimper and a snort. Widening his eyes, he tightened his grip on his own mouth and began to pray that Sun didn’t hear him break. 

Oh, but Sun heard it. He heard it loud and clear. But why let Eclipse know that, when he could continue to toy with him instead? That sounds so much more fun! “Looks like this one isn’t very ticklish either!” Sun reacted, moving his fingers away. “I could’ve sworn they could be ticklish!” Sun exclaimed as he stroked his chin. 

Eclipse let out a slow, but comforting breath. God, that was close…But did he do it? Did he convince Sun that he’s not ticklish?!

“Well that’s a shame…looks like I was wrong.” Sun mumbled aloud. “I guess you’re not ticklish there like I thought.” Sun added. 

Eclipse was flabbergasted. He couldn’t believe it! It worked! It actually worked!! 

Oh…but Eclipse quickly realized the truth…and it was all revealed to him the moment he felt skittering fingers against both pits of his knees.

“BWAHAHAHAHA!” Eclipse tried to reach up to stop him. “WAHAIT!” He shouted. 

“Sorry Clipsy~” Sun watched Eclipse crash down the moment his fingers moved primarily to the right knee pit. “But liars don’t get to have mercy! At least, not yet~” He teased more. 

“aAAAHAHAHAHAHA! DAHAHAHAMMIHIT!” He threw his head back with a long, slightly evil cackle. 

“Ooooh! So it looks like those eeeevil cackles of yours are more genuine than I expected!” Sun reacted. 

“SHUHUT UHUP! YOHOHOHOU-” Eclipse screeched as the left knee pit was attacked next. 

“Ah ah ah, Careful of your words, Clipsy~” Sun teased. “We don’t want you overdoing yourself, do we?” Sun warned in a playful tone. And yet, that playful tone almost made the warning sound a lot more intimidating. Whether this was his intention, is up for debate. 

But all Eclipse could worry about was how overwhelmingly tickly this was. Everything in him wanted to fight him and get out of this as quickly as possible. But the other part of him knew that resisting may make Sun go worse on him. And on another hand…

This punishment could’ve been a lot worse…He had to give Sun credit where credit was due. Never in his mind, would Eclipse even think about using tickling to subdue someone. And…Oh my god, it actually works! And it almost makes him want to take the idea and use it against Sun. Maybe with this strategy, Eclipse could weaken Sun enough to take control of his body and follow through with his original plan. But for now, Eclipse could feel himself getting tired. So as much as he hates resorting to such extremes, he needs to ask for mercy or beg for him to stop. 

“HAHAHAHA! SUHUHUN! MEHER-MERCYHYHYHYHY!” He shouted at him. 

“Oh, what was that?” Sun reacted with shock. 

“MEHEHERRCYHYHY! PLEHEHEHEASE STOHOHOHOP!” He yelled to Sun. 

Sun chuckled and stopped his fingers. “Fine, fine. You can have a break.” He gently lifted Eclipse up by his back, and placed him onto the ground of the headspace. “Are you done with your special takeover?” Sun asked. 

“Yeah…I’m done.” Eclipse said with a hidden little smirk. He’s not really done. He’s just saying what Sun would like to hear, so Eclipse can get away without pushback. “I won’t try to take over.” He looked down more. ‘Yet.’ He said in his mind. 

Though Sun heard his extra word, he still accepted his decision. “Alright.” He muttered, breathing a sigh of relief. Though he knew the takeover would come eventually, Sun was just glad he had gotten the code under temporary control. This would give him more than enough time to come up with other ways to stop Eclipse’s eventual takeover. 

Sun took over his body again, and turned himself on. He opened his beady white eyes, and looked around the room. It looked like he was…on his couch in their hidden bedroom.

Wait…didn’t he shut himself down in the main daycare? Why is he on his couch? How did he get to his bedroom? 

Sun pulled himself off the couch, and noticed the blue blanket around his chest. And on the blanket, was a note: 

[Hi Sun. Found you sleeping in the daycare. Guess you didn’t make it to bed, huh?

Good night Sun. 

~Moon🌙] 

[elvestoneanzelote1]

May I request for a Platonic! Yandere! Chuuya x younger brother! Reader (13-14 years old.)

Before Chuuya had been kidnapped, his mother was pregnant with his little sibling, whom he absolutely could not wait to see, but after he was taken, of course, his memories were warped until he could not remember his childhood before the age of 7. but one day while Chuuya is having a seemingly peaceful walk through a park, a dog, specifically a Shiba Inu, comes bolting towards his direction, and the animal jumps onto him, covering his face in doggy kisses, until Chuuya hears a sharp whistle, and the dog quickly jumps away, giving Chuuya a chance to get up, only to see a young teen boy commanding the dog to sit and also apologizes to Chuuya for his dog's behavior. Chuuya notices the eerie physical similarities between him and a kid he’s never met before, at least that’s what he believes, but until Chuuya asks for the kid's name, he feels his entire world stop as the kid mentions his last name, 'Nakahara.’ Chuuya knew he had parents, but he never knew he had a younger brother.

(Reader also has an ability called ‘Wings of the Earth’ which, just like the name suggests, allows Reader to grow wings resembling hawks while also gaining the birds abilities, but with a time limit of 35 minutes, except that the more Reader uses his ability, the faster he becomes and the longer he can activate his ability, but in return, his energy is drained quicker.)

𝘈:𝘯- 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘢𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘱𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦.

𝘈𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘞𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘱𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘶𝘱𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘰... 𝘌𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵.

𝘈𝘴 𝘴𝘰... 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵/𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘪𝘵.

𝘗𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘤 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘶𝘺𝘢 𝘹 (𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳) 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳.

Things were as usual for Chuuya who had just finished with a job and was returning home early

The dusk of the evening lighten up his way until, he saw a dog that pounce onto him.

Alarmed yet could not resist such a cute dog he pat the dog who rolled down enjoying the touch.

"(D/n) (dog name), I told you not to rush didn't I!" Said a voice as his eyes flickered onto a thirteen-year-old boy.

His blue eyes flickered onto him as he bowed while apologizing about his dog behaviour that whimpered sadly with its ear down.

"Its fine... The dog is a friendly one, is it a he or she?"

"Oh, it is a he... (D/n), He often likes to play around I didn't think he would jump on you nor did I think he would run away"

"It's fine... I love dogs"

"You do?"

"Yeah, Either way its getting you should head home kid"

"I could say the same to you"

"Hey even if I look short I am 22 alright"

"Ah... Okay"

"It doesn't sound reassuring what's your name?" Chuuya ask as you frown a bit.

"Mother said, do not give personal information to strangers."

"Brat"

"Don't call me that!"

"I will call you that because that's how you are acting its just a name"

"... Y/n..." You mutter as he lean a bit.

"Can't hear you say it louder did you not have food today?!"

"I'm Y/n Nakahara!"

"Oh... Y/n Naka- wait... What" his eyes flicker on your formed as you nod confused by his shock expression.

"Your... Nakahara...?"

"Yes?"

"..."

"...?" You were confused until your watch buzzed alarming you as you gasp.

"D/n, we have to rush home the Pancho man episode will start in ten minutes!" You shouted and quickly start running with your dog which happily ran away before Chuuya could ask more.

"W-wait"

He stares as you already left afar.

His lips quiver as his eyes was frozen to stare.

"Your... My younger... Brother?"

He mutter to no one.

But for a reason he try to refuse to acknowledged more likely try to care not.

As his parents abandoned him to the researcher when he was seven of course he...

But... Why did he run to you to help when he saw you almost got crash by a car.

Why did he run towards you when he notice the tears in your eyes.

Why did he hugged you as if his life was on line when he saw you breathing and well... But in tears.

Why did he...

Why can't he just ignore you.

Why can't he ignore that he have a brother...

Why can't he ignore like how he ignore his parents till now...

But he realise one thing you are just a kid...

You weren't even born when he was isolated.

You were not at fault.

And he will make sure you won't be injured.

And will make sure his parents will pay if they treat you like how they treat him.

Till then he will watch over you in silnce.

In a corner always to make you smile and have a safe protected life.

Instead he will even abduct you just to protect you.

If the parents can't look after you.

You won't mind it right?

After all your his younger brother he swore to protect.

No matter what.

..

.

.

.

Thank you for the request take care! -a:n

[spooky-bunnys]

Hey! Can I get the new episode of Baby Haitani? I love your series and look forward to its new episodes!!

I was already writing it when I was asked this and I finished it as fast as I could. So here you go.

Haitani Baby Brother

Part 3

It's been many weeks since (Name) found out he was pregnant. He was extremely scared at first. But now he's excited. He's gonna have a pup! (Name) rubbed his slightly bigger stomach with a soft smile. His brothers on the other hand were gettingout of control if he wasbeing honest. They wee becoming more protective then usual. Which (Name) thought they couldn't do honestly.

He thought back to a few days ago. So far (Name)'s biggest craving has been Cheesecake for some reason. But Ran had gone with (Name) on his cheesecake adventure. When he ran into his ex. His ex took one look at Ran and how (Name)'s tight shirt showed his slightly pregnant stomach. Let's just say the Alpha wasn't happy about "his" omega getting pregnant. Ran nearly killed the guy if it wasn't for (Name).

But when the Alpha demanded that (Name) get rid of the pup he was carrying so he could carry his....well (Name) let Ran finish him off. Ran had gotten (Name) and his craving before quickly getting him away from the Bakery. Now that (Name) thought about it. His brothers have been very touchy on where he goes. They won't even let him go back to their work place anymore! Like they're trying to avoid him meeting someone....

(Name) sighed and ate another peanut butter covered pickle. Okay so he's started his weird craving phase and he's pretty sure he made his current body guard sick from it considering nobody even wants to be in the same room with him while he eats. He had an appointment today and he was just waiting for one of his brothers to come get him. There was always one of them with him.

Except when important meetings were held. Like now. (Name) changed the channel. He was tired of the news honestly. They talk about how bad Bonten was. What about how bad the government was? He shook his head and pouted when he realized he was out of pickles. "Oh! Maybe we have some honey! I can definitely go for some honey toast." (Name) walked past the long mirror in the hallway and froze. He looked like he was getting so big...

(Name) turned to the side and rubbed his stomach. Okay it was quite a bit bigger then last week. What the fuck? (Name) paled slightly. Why was he getting so big so quickly? The front door behind him opened revealing his brothers smiling happily before they noticed the nearly crying and pale (Name). The brother stood still. Not moving. Rindou slowly opened his mouth to ask what was wrong when (Name) started crying.

"Why am I getting so big so quickly?!" The brothers traded looks. Shoving one another to calm down their crying brother. Ran lost when Rindou kicked the back of his knee and sent him into the floor. He turned glaring at Rindou who was too "busy" checking the calendar. Ran stood and tried (hint word: tried) to calm (Name) down but the Omega kept crying.

"I'm too big for one baby! What if there's more then one?! No Alpha will want me!" The brothers froze and thought about his statement. (Name) indeed was bigger then usual for being almost 3 ½ months pregnant. But they haven't been able to go to many appointments due to Bonten. Ran shared a look with Rindou before carefully pulling (Name) close.

"Well maybe you have twins (Name). That's okay we'll love all of you and them the same. You don't need an Alpha when you have your Anikis!" That just made (Name) crying more. Ran started freaking out trying to get Rindou to help him out. Rindou rolled his eyes at his older brother but frowned in thought. Ran had done a few tests with the pup or pups their baby brother is carrying and they are Sanzu's.

The brothers have been doing everything they can to make sure they don't meet. They don't want (Name) getting heart broken and they know what'll happen if he's rejected. (Name) could actually die and the brothers just couldn't let that happen. He was everything to them. Rindou took a deep breath looking as serious as he could. "(Name) listen while your at the appointment with Aniki. I'm gonna look for that Alpha okay?"

Ran looked over at him with absolute panic. (Name) calmed down briefly looking at Rindou with tears still going down his face. "R-Really?" Rindou nodded his face so soft. Ran didn't understand. He thought they decided to keep them apart. Yeah Sanzu gives them money for (Name) and his cravings. But they could lose their baby brother and his their future nieces and nephews. Rindou gave Ran a look and nodded. Ran sighed in defeat and lead (Name) away to get ready.

Rindou didn't know what came over him when he got to Bonen head quarters and saw an upset Sanzu in his older brothers office. One second he was texting Ran about the appointment and entering the office next he had Sanzu against the desk. A hand wrapped around Sanzu's neck. The test results between Sazu and the pups. Along with a shirt (Name) had left in the panic room. "What are you doing in here?!" Rindou growled.

He didn't expect a whimper in return. He expected Sanzu to growl back at him. When Rindou's phone rang he didn't hesitate to answer still holding Sanzu down. It was Ran and by the sound of his excitement their earlier thoughts were correct. "Rin! (Name) is gonna have twins! Turns out one had been hiding behind the other!" He cold hear his baby brother sobbing in the background which made the hold on Sanzu tighten.

Ran hung up after talking for a few more minutes. Making plans on what to do with the pups. Rindou started down his co-worker. "Hear that druggie? Twins. You got my brother pregnant. With. TWINS!" Before Rindou could actually do any damage he was ripped off Sanzu. "Hey! I can smell the anger from Mikey's office! What's going on?" That's when the other members saw the test results and the pale Sanzu.

Takeomi slowly grabbed them holding them up for him and the others to see. "Are you serious? Were you still trying to get out of that!?" They looked at him in disappointment. Rindou glared down at him. "We just found out (Name)'s got twins." The air froze as everyone let the information set. Twins? Kokonoi was the first to break the silence. "Twins?? Are you serious?!" Rindou nodded not taking his eyes off Bontens second. Waiting for his reaction.

Sanzu slowly made eye contact with him. "He's having two of my pups?" Takeomi looked overjoyed while Kakucho and Mochi didn't look too pleased. "You were gonna leave that poor male omega with twins?" Mochi scoffed. "You call yourself a man?" "All I see is a little bitch." Kakcho growled. They've gotten to know the Omega over the last few weeks. He was too sweet to be left like that. He didn't deserve it.

Mikey made his presence known. "If you leave that Omega. Say goodbye to Bonten. You'll also never meet your pups since (Name) is under our protection. We'll protect him even from you." Everyone stared at him. He'd kick Sanzu from Bonten over this? Mikey then marched and stood in front and Sanzu. "I'm surprised you don't remember him." Remember him?

"(Name) was one of the students at my grandfather's dojo." Rindou stiffened. That's right but after an incident with an Alpha kid the brothers took him out. "I didn't remember until I saw an old photo of us at the dojo. You, me, Baji, and little (Name)." Mikey crouched down and gripped the front of Sanzu's suit. "(Name) was the Omega you swore you'd marry remember? The one you swore to look after and protect!"

Mikey swung hitting him right across the face. "The one who got attack by a Alpha just a year older then us! Now look at him Haruchiyo....pregnant with twins. You're twins I may add." Sanzu slowly lifted himself off the floor and stared at the ground. "So what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with your Omega? The one who you swore you were gonna marry and look after?" It was like something clicked in his mind and then Sanzu was out the office door making his way to the Elevators.

His Omega needed him. His pups needed him.....He needed them. When he hit the lobby he ran as fast as he could. He ran passed multiple employees. He ran outside and directly to his car. He had seen on Ran's calendar that (Name) had an appointment at 3pm but now it was almost 5. So he knew (Name) had to be at home at the Haitani brothers penthouse. So he'd go there.

When Ran got the call from Rindou that Sanzu was on his way. He didn't know how to feel. He was told how their co-worker had "claimed" their baby brother as kids and apparently had completely forgot about it. Not until Mikey reminded him of the promise from so long ago. He remembers (Name) excitedly barging into his room one day after his lessons at the Dojo.

(Name) began explaining how he met the most handsome Alpha and how the Alpha swore and promised to look after him and marry him. Not even 2 weeks after that (Name) had been attacked by an older Alpha kid. He remembers how scared him and Rindou was that they'd lost (Name). He'd barley survived the attack. Thats when they decided to hide him from the world. They homeschooled him and kept him safe and away from any danger.

Until Sanzu Haruchiyo stepped into (Name)'s life again. Getting the male omega pregnant with not one pup but two. Which was extremely rare for omegas much less male omegas. Considering male Omega's could actually push the pups out. He knew this pregnancy was gonna be rough. For all the Haitani's. He turned to (Name) seeing him watching a cooking show and eating....a cheesecake? Where'd he get that?

"(Name) where did you get that cheesecake?" (Name) turned to his oldest brother and shrugged. "It was in front of the door when we got here." Ran immediately smacked the cheesecake out of his hands. "(Name)! Why would you eat it then?! What if there's something in it. Oh my god (Name) puke up what you ate right now!" Ran stuck his fingers into (Name)'s mouth and a little down his throat making (Name) puke what food he'd been eating.

(Name) looked at the ruined cheesecake with a heart broken expression before glaring at Ran. Ran was just realized what he did paled. Ah shit. Now (Name) was locked up in his room. Yelling at Ran to get him more cheesecake since he ruined the one he had. "But (Name) there could've been poison in it! Think about what it would've done to the pups!" Silence. "Thank you. Now can you get me a new cheesecake? I want a cheesecake with strawberries and chocolate..."

Ran sweatdropped. Man pregnant Omega's were really weird. Ran pulled out his phone and texted Rindou about how (Name) wanted a cheesecake with strawberries and chocolate. Ran didn't realize how much they were gonna spend on the cheesecakes (Name) would be craving. Like who likes that much cheesecake?! While Ran was ranting about his baby brothers craving the door bell had gone off.

Ran stood stiff since he knew that wasn't Rindou. Rindou hadn't even gotten to the Bakery where (Name) Likes his cheesecakes. It had to be that specific Bakery or dear god. Ran slowly crept to the front door. Gun drawn and ready. When he looked through the peak hole he saw a shifting Sanzu. Wait....how did he get here so fast? Ran cracked the door and stared through it. "Sanzu. What can I do for you?"

Sanzu looked up determined. "I'm here to see (Name)." Ran stared at him. "If. That's IF! I let you in, what are you going to do?" "I'm going to do what I need to do. Be there for him and our pups." Ran looked surprised and then stared not believing him. "Well I hope you know we expect you to actually stay with him...Sanzu. Not pretend to care for I'm and the pups. Do you plan kn making him your mate?"

Sanzu didn't hesitate to nod. "Yes. I do. I want to be with him and be there there for him and the pups." Ran stared before slowly unlocking and opening the door completely. "Well just to warn you. He's in a bad mood. A mysterious cheesecake showed up and when I found out he was eating it I flipped. Threw it to the ground and made him puke the rest up. So if he doesn't get a new cheesecake he won't be happy."

Sanzu walked through the door and threw Ran a playful look. "His biggest craving had been cheesecake?" Ran nodded chuckling. "Oh yeah. He always has to have it." Sanzu laughed. "Cheesecake is my favorite sweet. Although it has to be from a specific bakery." Ran looked confused before looking at him. "Same with (Name)'s cheesecake craving." Sanzu grinned. Those were definitely his pups. No doubt.

If you want to read others. Click HERE

[sunbeamah]

Would you consider the making a fic where the Kusozu Brothers react to Canon or meeting canon?

I'd just like to sincerely apologise for how long this took, I truly am so sorry. I started writing as soon as you sent this, and went through about seven drafts before I realised that I'm really not good enough to write ten characters meeting alternate versions of themselves-- so I hope you'll accept Sukuna's Exploits in Canon and the headcanons beneath the cut!

Choso

Choso hates almost everyone in canon.

He hates the coach from episode 1;

"Why is he, as a schoolteacher, blackmailing students, making bets with them and changing what club you signed up for??? CREEP!

Megumi,

"Why does he have to be in this?"

Sorcerers,

"EXECUTED?!"

Gojo,

"IN HIS BASEMENT??????"

Nobara,

"You're not an idiot, Otouto, don't listen to her."

Junpei,

"If he just listened to you (Yuuji) he wouldn't have traumatised you by dying!"

Todo,

Now at first he liked Todo. He knows that's Yuki's younger brother for one, and on top of that the first thing Todo does is try to beat Megumi half to death

"Omg I love that kid."

When Yuuji and Todo fight, things start to slip a bit..

"I like that kid way less now."

And when Todo calls Yuuji brother.......

"I hate that kid now. Who does he think he is? I'm your big brother. Not him. You already have Eso, why do you need another tall, tan, muscular brother??"

Yuuji: Well--

Sukuna: Well nothing, whip me out, I'll show him whose 'buraza' you are.

Choso likes Nanami though.

When his brothers are like "??? Just like that?" he goes:

"I liked it when he said that Yuuji's the child and he's the adult. It seems like, though he;s endeared by Yuuji, he still maintains and appropriate and professional distance with him. And he's protecting you two (Sukuna and Yuuji) while we're off doing whatever it is we're doing.

Which begs the question! What are they doing?

When the death paintings are introduced, Choso is excited! And then the fight happens. Way less excited.

If they were watching JJK as a tv show, this is where Choso stops watching. They can try to make him come back all they like, Choso is NOT standing for it. Even if they get him to watch s2, as soon as he sees Gojo he's leaving.

If they made him see himself... I think he'd break the TV as soon as he struck Yuuji for the first time

And if they showed him his final scene, I think he'd weep in relief. And be excited that Yuki rocked up!

Eso

For the whole of season one, he's waiting for his debut.

"This is so boring when do we show up?"

"Imagine if Yuuji left us back in Sendai."

"If I were there Junpei would've lived. Just saying."

"UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"Bring me in I'll shut Sukuna up."

BUT! There are some highlights for him. Such as:

Nanami.

Eso, licking his lips: You reckon he's (Nanamin's) ever been outta the country?

Yuuji: Eso-nii you are NOT fucking my train bestie.

Eso: "I'll take you to Malaysia baby."

Megumi!

During the fight with Todo he's cheering him on hard out.

"Yeah get him Megumi!! Finish summoning whatever that is, I've been seeing it! Actually do it this time! 4th time's the charm! Beat his ass!!" (It's his Mahoraga fists)

Other than that, it's been a dull watch for him.

Until they appear!:

Eso: FINALLY!

Kechizu: it’s us!!!!!! Niichan why do you look like you haven’t slept in 100 years

Sukuna: Wdym, he looks the exact same

Yuuji: I hate to say it, Choso-nii, but… he’s right.

Choso: They’re not that bad.. (pulls out his phone to check)

Choso:

Choso: Oh. 

Eso: Hey wait, why are we asking why Niisan looks like that, when we should be asking..

Kechizu: Shut up

Eso: Why YOU look like THAT

Yuuji: Ooooo I love the body horror

Kechizu: !!? BODY HORROR! 

Sukuna: He looks cooler than you do.

Yuuji: I look the same though?

Sukuna: yeah exactly

And when the Yuuji and Nobara vs Eso and Kechizu fight starts:

Eso: Oooooooou we’re gonna fight, Yuu-chan! Money’s on me, this protag’s been winning too many fights lately

Kechizu: His friend literally just died. And Todo beat him up.

Eso: Still, in the end everything was fine. I’m sure once Yuuji uses his ‘I’m your brother’ cursed technique, we’ll stop fighting and everything will be A-OK!

Sukuna: Yuuji should use my power to put you down like the dog you are

Eso: Your reputation couldn’t handle how hard I’d whoop your ass

And when it ends:

Eso, mouth open, jaw dropped, flies coming out, pissed: It’s rigged. It’s rigged! I would 100% win a fight against Yuuji, and I’ll prove it right now

Unfortunately for him, by this point Yuuji is too busy being cradled by a wildly sobbing Choso.

He does NOT want to watch the show after he dies. But when he hears Gojo gets sealed and Choso's gonna show up, he makes a concession for those episodes.

Eso: Gayest death scene in the whole show, tops Junpei's by miles.

Yuuji: He's not even dead!!!!

Now he insists he won't watch till Choso's on, but when he sees Nanami's new look... Let's just say he's sat for Dull Knife.

Eso: Yuuji I love you. I love you so much. You're my babiest of brothers. I'll always love you. But for fucks sake you did NOT deserve to be the one to meet Nanami out of all of us!!!

Yuuji: ?! Kechizu did too?!

Eso: And I'm still pissed NEITHER of you introduced him to me. Like?????? Have you seen the man???????????????? When he gets back from Malaysia he'll literally be my ideal type. I hate you two.

Eso: --and so, not only would it be neglect, but it would also be legally wrong of you not to introduce him to me.

Yuuji: NO!

Eso: AND HIS NAME IS:::: ZENIN TOJIIII! (John Cena theme plays from his phone)

Yuuji: You HATED him! You hated him before this!

Eso: And now for the purposes of the show I love him! Uncle-in-law! 

Kechizu: Wow… I really should’ve remembered Nanami, huh? 

Yuuji: ENOUGH!

Sukuna: Brat, even you can admit he’s hot. Look how they drew him. It’s softcore porn, beatdown edition. 

Eso: Hey do you have his phone number?

Yuuji: NO!

Choso: Good. 

Eso: I’ll come with you to and from school next time. I should thank him.

Yuuji: BACK!!! OFF!!!

Kechizu: Yeah! Leave some for the rest of us! Yuuji and Choso: NO!

Kechizu: I thought you liked him, Oniichan!

Choso: Well yes, but… 

Sukuna: Don’t tell me your type is blonds…

Choso: I only like the one blonde…… Maybe a second one now, but–

Yuuji: CAN EVERYONE STOP HITTING ON NANAMIN?

And then Choso's episode!!:

Contrary to everyone else in the room, Eso's enjoying himself.

Eso: AND THEN HIT HIM WITH THE RIGHT HOOK! AND THEN SUPERNOVA HIM! AND THEN DIVERGENT FIST TO THE STOMACH! AND THEN SLICE HIM WITH A BLOOD BLADE! AND THEN--

By the middle-end area he quietens down out of respect for the... Mourners.

Choso, crying, can’t watch his fight scene: JUST REALISE!!! IT CAN’T BE THAT HARD!!! I HAVE A BLOOD TECHNIQUE!!!!!!!!

Sukuna: YUUJI! USE ME! WHIP! ME! OUT! YUUJI FOR FUCKS SAKES–! 

Kechizu: DON’T HIT HIM HE’S JUST A BABY!!!!!! YOUR BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eso, visibly disturbed: I think you should all step out for a minute...

As soon as he gets the sense that Nanami's about to die, he leaves.

Eso: I'm not watching that shit! Call me when Niisan gets back.

Kechizu

tries to cover the twins' eyes when there's violence

it doesn't work because, in the beginning, show!Sukuna IS the violence

Very vocally dislikes Gojo, always takes an issue with whatever he has to say or do.

Kechizu: 'ten seconds' what a creep. Sukuna'll teach him a lesson when he gets all his fingers back.

Kechizu: Executed??? What a pushover! If he's so powerful he should just kill the higher ups.

As soon as Kamo Noritoshi's name is said during the sexchange event arc, Kechizu is piping up

Kechizu: DAD???????

He's 100% convinced their father has been deaged and put into the Kyoto school

Cries when Eso dies, but is willing to watch the rest of the show because Yuuji and Sukuna are in it!

(lives to regret that^)

Interestingly enough, though, he enjoys the hidden inventory arc

cheers when Toji sells Megumi and kills Gojo, but when Kusozu Sukuna defends Geto, suddenly he has an issue with mr Fushiguro and 'see, Yuuji, this is why you need to break up with that boy'

when Sukuna starts killing people in Shibuya (indirectly after the first few kills since he's fighting Jogo), Kechizu spends 90% of the episode defending him

Kechizu: they should've just moved if they didn't want to get exterminated! What's stopping them?!

Sukuna: I'm saying!

Yuuji: THE BARRIER!

Chokes on his snacks when he sees the flashback to Kamo Noritoshi, points at the screen wildly and concocts the most batshit insane theory that Choso and Eso (who are no longer watching at this point) believe wholeheartedly

Kechizu: So you see, Dad must have a duplicate technique that requires a brainswap, and he's clearly split his consciousness between Kemo Noritoshi and Geto's body, and so he was the real mole this whole time. Ignore that puppet kid in the bath, he's a decoy.

Choso: I see

Eso: It's all coming together

Yuuji: ?????????????

Sukuna, lying: You're so right. I see it now. Are you sure you didn't write the show yourself, Keke Akusotami?

When Yuki pulls up he's the only brother other than Choso that's happy to see her

Kechizu: OH THANK FUCK! GET THEM YUKI!!!!!!!

Sukuna

Endlessly entertained by himself at first

His favourite line is Show!Sukuna's very first words: "WHERE ARE THE WOMEN? THE CHILDREN?!"

It took him 15 minutes to stop laughing and another 10 to actually process what else was going on in the show

During the prison episode he's still kind of amused when Show!Kuna just straight up kills Yuuji. The only things that irk him are:

Sukuna: I don't like how I'm lookin at Fushiguro right now.

Sukuna: 'show me something special' he doesn't have anything special

Sukuna: Why couldn't I have killed all three of them??

Doesn't like Nanami. He doesn't hate him or anything, he just has no interest in him.

(Secretly, he's been holding a grudge ever since Nanami said he didn't acknowledge Yuuji as a sorcerer)

When Junpei dies, Sukuna feels kind of bad, but only because Kusozu Yuuji is crying so hard

Sukuna: I wouldn’t laugh like that if he died. Not in front of you. Probably in private. Maybe at the funeral. If you ran off crying. Or if you didn’t then I’d do it silently. This is just overkill, really. Ha, overkill. Get it? Cause he got killed… Over top of you. But yeah I wouldn’t laugh in your face, that's crazy. Like you are now. Cause your friend’s de–

Eso: Bro..

Kechizu: Sukuna-kun I think you made your point!!

After that he's less eager to see himself.

But he still insists Yuuji "whip him out" every time there's trouble. Like when he's being bullied by the Tokyo school for coming back from the dead; fighting Todo, Hanami, making eye contact with Gojo-- all worthy of the wrath of the king of curses

When the death painting arc starts::

Eso: Oooooooou we’re gonna fight, Yuu-chan! Money’s on me, this protag’s been winning too many fights lately

Kechizu: His friend literally just died. And Todo beat him up.

Eso: Still, in the end everything was fine. I’m sure once Yuuji uses his ‘I’m your brother’ cursed technique, we’ll stop fighting and everything will be A-OK!

Sukuna: Yuuji should use my cursed technique to put you down like the dog you are

Eso: Your reputation couldn’t handle how hard I’d whoop your ass

But by the time the arc is ending, Sukuna is getting a liiiiitle, small, tiny, teensy bit sad. Mostly because Kechizu is bawling his eyes out.

Sticks around for the next arc! All the Kusozu brothers leave after the first five minutes, unwilling to watch anymore, leaving only Sukuna and Yuuji. But first::

Choso: Why do we have to see this irrelevant’s lifestory? (Gojo’s)

Eso: This perv again..

Kechizu: I hope his boyfriend dies. 

Sukuna: That’s dark. Not me. That’s sensei right there. I hope his girl friend dies. 

Yuuji: She doesn’t die you idiot she’s literally in season 1

Sukuna: And season 1 comes before season 2, I’m not the idiot here. 

Yuuji:

Hidden Inventory becomes Sukuna's favourite arc pretty quickly! It only loses its spot when Megumi appears at the end

Eso: GET HIM TOJI!!! YES!!!!!!!

Yuuji: You guys are just doing it to irritate me at this point, ‘cause there’s no way you hate him this much

Kechizu: HE DID IT!!!! HE KILLED HIM!!!!!!

Yuuji: You know he comes back, right??

Sukuna: SHUT UP BUZZKILL WE’RE TRYING TO SAVOUR THE MOMENT!

Yuuji: Choso-nii why are you pausing…

Choso: (takes a picture of Gojo’s ‘dead’ body)

Yuuji:

Hates the filler ep, wants to get back to the killing people part, that was his favourite

He's excited for the Shibuya incident, so much so that he almost doesn't notice he hasn't spoken a single word all season

He's hurling abuse at the TV during the choso vs yuuji ep, but then again he's hurling abuse at the TV no matter what episode is playing

He's convinced that if Show!Yuuji just gives him control, everything will be fine!

(He's wrong. He's so deeply wrong.)

Has the time of his life during the Sukuna takeover eps

Actually giggled (half of it was out of shock!) when Nanako and Mimiko got killed (HE WOULD! I'M SORRY BUT HE WOULD!!

Does a victory lap around the room during the Jogo fight

Sukuna: GET HIM! SLICE HIM AGAIN! FUCK THE DOCOMO TOWER! FUCK THOSE CARS! THAT'S WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT!!!!!! NOW HIT HIM WITH THE-- what the fuck-- WHAT THE FUCK! FUUGA?!?!?! FUUGA!!!!!!!!

Sukuna: Why am I saving Fushiguro again? He's the one who decided to kill himself, how is that my problem??

He only calms down a bit once Show!Yuuji comes back and has a breakdown.

Pretends to be totally unaffected but secretly presses his knee to Yuuji's

Sukuna: all that and I still didn't get Kenjaku? Really?

Yuuji: Who's Kenjaku???

Sukuna, who got bored after his eps and looked up spoilers to pass the time: ...........

[thisbuildinghasfeelings]

The last time TK and Carlos talk about Jonah onscreen is after the raid on the house in ep 8. And then in ep 9 TK tells Tommy and Nancy that if it's a choice between Jonah and Carlos he chooses Jonah, and Carlos needs to make a decision. At this point TK doesn't seem to have much hope that Carlos will change his mind from where it was.

What I'm struggling with is the fact that the quick words exchanged between them after the raid were apparently the end of their conversation about Jonah full stop. After that TK is apparently in a position to tell his work colleagues that they might be splitting up, which felt like a huge leap to me. Am I missing something? You seemed to enjoy the plotline and filling in the gaps so I'm curious for your thoughts!

Well, thank you, anon! I appreciate this opportunity!

This is all off the top of my head after just one viewing of the episode. I'm sure I'll work on my headcanons and modify things as I rewatch and discuss and read fic, but I surely have THOUGHTS about how to fill in these blanks for now.

(Ok, this got long so...under the cut lol)

The way I see it they never really had the opportunity to continue their conversation. Trying to figure out anything to do with a timeline on this show is usually a losing battle, but from what I can see, they likely weren't home together (or at least not home and awake at the same time) between the events of episodes 8 and 9.

We don't know what Carlos did after leaving the hospital in episode 8, but he was obviously very shaken by what he found out from Nestor Grimes. It's incredibly likely, really almost certain, that he immediately went to start investigating those CIs who were killed and gathered the information he presents to Bridges at the beginning of 9. So Carlos probably got home late when TK was already asleep. Then, the next morning (I'm going with it being the next morning because it works for me and I don't think the show contradicts it lol), Carlos goes to work early, ready to show Bridges what he found. It's very possible he left before TK woke up. Even if they were briefly home and awake at the same time, with everything on Carlos' mind and his urgency to get to work to talk to Bridges, I doubt they would have had a serious conversation about Jonah right then. Really, it works best for me if they don't even see each other, so that's what I'm going with!

I think this goes a long way towards explaining TK's stance early in the episode. He has decided that he needs to take Jonah. He can't abandon his brother. I think this is very valid and incredibly in character for him. In the brief moments that he was able to talk to Carlos about this, Carlos was resistant to the choice TK has already made, but they weren't able to finish the conversation. As far as TK knows, the murder investigation isn't going to end anytime soon, and he might even be a little extra annoyed with Carlos for not coming home early enough to allow them to talk this through all the way (particularly if he has no idea of the monumental revelations that are rocking Carlos' world right now, which I think it's likely he doesn't.)

Carlos may not feel able to adopt a toddler right now, but TK HAS TO. I don't think TK is sitting there planning to initiate divorce proceedings, but I feel like it's reasonable and realistic for him to be thinking that if Carlos does not feel able to make the same choice he is making, this could break them. But I don't see it as TK not having much hope that Carlos will change his mind. I think he's really just unsure about what's going to happen and what choice Carlos is going to make. Carlos hasn't been given the opportunity to make his choice yet. He isn't going to force Carlos to do this, he hasn't sat Carlos down and given him an ultimatum, and I don't think he knows what's going to happen to them in that moment. But the one thing he is sure about is that he's going to adopt Jonah. It doesn't bother me that he tells Nancy and Tommy this because they aren't just his work colleagues, they're his FAMILY. He probably would like to be telling Carlos, but circumstances have prevented them from getting that chance, and this is not a conversation you have over texting!

So then throughout the course of episode 9, TK and Carlos don't ever get the chance to talk. Carlos is going through some MAJOR SITUATIONS, but it's all happening very fast, and TK is also at work by this point. What Carlos is going through is also something that he's not going to be able to fully tell TK through texts or even a quick conversation at the scene. When TK and Carlos are at the scene together, it's night. Then, when Carlos is in Presidio for their Ranger Soup manhunt, it's day, so clearly another day has passed. However, has Carlos been home? I'm sure he hasn't. I looked and Presidio, Texas is about 8 hours from Austin. Sam is trying to cross the border into Mexico and they need to intercept him before he does. That means they must have driven there straight through the night. I have to imagine Carlos gave TK some information about what was going on, but I doubt he had the opportunity to tell him the whole story, and they certainly didn't have a chance to discuss Jonah. Maybe TK himself was on a 24 hour shift at the time so they didn't have time for more than a quick update of where Carlos was going and when he might be back. Then, Carlos gets shot and ends up in the hospital.

Since we're told the bullet simply ricocheted out of Carlos (😂), I'm thinking he was not in the hospital for very long. Since you only have to be in the hospital a few days and are immediately fine after enduring a coma, I think it's safe to assume a bullet ricochet situation only requires an overnight stay. I'm not sure where Carlos would be in the hospital, but probably not Austin, since he got shot in Presidio, which is 8 hours away. This means TK would have to be driving to get to him, so I guess I'm going to assume TK hadn't arrived yet when we see Carlos in the hospital. He was certainly on his way! Since Carlos was up and about, he would definitely have communicated with TK by phone by that point, so TK knows Carlos is ok. When TK finally arrives at the hospital, I imagine a big conversation about Jonah would be the furthest thing from his mind! Carlos could have DIED and also he just SOLVED HIS FATHER'S MURDER! They have so much to talk about aside from the Jonah situation.

Next, Carlos gets discharged from the hospital and comes home. He and TK have conversations about Gabriel and his grief. They probably talked a bit about Jonah as well, but I could imagine TK may have put off the real serious decision-making conversation himself at this point. He knows that the real roadblock to Carlos making a decision on this issue was his search for his father's murderer. That search is over now and Carlos is dealing with the immediate aftermath, not at all an easy thing to be confronted with. I could absolutely see TK saying "let's not talk about this right now" and not pushing it on him or forcing him to make a decision in the midst of everything else. While the Jonah situation is somewhat urgent, it's probably not so urgent that they can't take a couple days when such a monumental thing has occurred.

I think things are still moving very quickly because Carlos hasn't even told Andrea the whole story yet, as he mentions to Gabriel that he is going to do that next. The way I imagine it, Carlos probably came home from the hospital, went to bed, got up and went through some kind of Ranger debriefing in the morning, went to the cemetery with TK, and then planned to go see Andrea. During that time, TK has taken care of him and given him comfort and talked to him about his father. Carlos has been sorting everything through in his mind...it's A LOT!! And he has now come to the conclusion that it's time to tell TK he's ready.

Ok, this is all very long and I doubt anyone has read to this point so I'll stop now lol

I'm sure I'll have many more thoughts on this subject in the coming weeks!

[demonslayedher]

Things that ran through my head while watching this episode:

--Not as much to say in my write-up today, because I would really just like to bask in this episode. The way that flashback of the Tokito Twins unfolds is an example of why I am so hooked on anime. That is some good angst, and it's made even better with that lighting, pacing, and vocal direction. I love the subtle changes in expressions, and the pause as Muichiro and Yuichiro just find themselves looking at each other in the silence of the night before the violence explodes. Ufotable was on their A-game. But also, none of this is original--they just read all the elements of the manga panels very mindfully, right down to all the ginkgo leaves.

--Like, seriously, seeing this episode animated just got me so much more emotionally invested in this back story than just seeing it unfold in manga panels. It took Yuichiro from "background character" to "character I feel deep regret for." He's not just crabby, he's a grieving kid who rightfully feels abandoned and desperate to hang on to what he has left, and that desperation leaves him no room to be kind or gentle--despite how deeply he cares.

--Irony time! Muichiro's favorite food is furofuki daikon--it's usually made with daikon cut into rounds like Yuichiro cut at that angry moment, and they already had a pot simmering in the background. Despite his irritated exterior, was Yuichiro nonetheless making a dish he knows Muichiro likes? In the way he talks about Amane just being out to use them because they're helpless children, it feels like a protective parent forbidding a child who dreams of being an actor from being targeted by talent scouts. It's heartbreaking that the fallout in their relationship comes from a place of love.

--I said after watching this episode before that I want an AU in which Muichiro grows up to be a sushi chef. Nah. Gyokko can the sushi artisan, and Muichiro can open a dinky takoyaki cart right outside his fancy restaurant and be way more popular.

--I love how Muichiro, powered by the desire to save Kotetsu and therefore able to free himself from the water pot, suddenly sounds more like his old little-brother self. Part of that--a lot of that--is due to being in a bad state due to the attacks he's endured. Of course you don't feel good, little dude, that's a bunch of Upper Moon Five poison in you. Not to mention you're severely injured. Still, it's so sweet to hear him sound more like little Muichiro instead of Yuichiro in his tone and cadence, especially as he recalls more about his dad.

--Another shout out to Kotetsu and Kanamori for being such troopers. Once again, I am confounded by Kanamori's timeline of when Tanjiro would have asked him to be understanding of Muichiro, Kanamori looking up Tetsuido's way of smithing Muichiro's sword because Tanjiro asked him this, and Kanamori having started and completed Muichiro's sword. The only way it works is if Kanamori works at the speed of sound and somehow the steel keeps pace with him as he smiths, or if Tanjiro for whatever reason asked him very far in advance to be understanding of Muichiro (well before Tanjiro and Muichiro had the Yoriichi Type Zero incident), or if Kanamori did not present the order of events or the cause and effect exactly as they happened. Perhaps he looked at Tetsuido's records first, and was finishing the sword when he mentioned being nervous about it to Tanjiro, and then with Tanjiro's encouragement, he got deeper inspiration from Tetsuido's notes while making the extra effort to understanding Muichiro. Whatever case, it's heartwarming that even though Muichiro & Kotetsu friendship gets more attention, Kanamori was indeed laying the foundation to be a very supportive part of Muichiro's life--this not only would put Tetsuido at rest, but it would cement how reliant swordsmen are on their swordsmiths. Also, it would simply be very nice and sweet to see Kanamori being a caring, sturdy presence in Muichiro's life.

--Also worth noting again, Kotetsu pleads with Muichiro to save Haganezuka, in order to save that sword.

--RIP for now, Kotetsu

--Gyokko is actually fun and I love how expressive he is with this unique body language, like how his little hands go to his neck once he's been cut. He acts like his pants have fallen down.

--Haganezuka is indeed very cool and handsome and no I don't think he'd have noticed if Kanamori got killed.

--This was an episode with no Tanjiro. I think the last time this happened was... the Rengoku special???

--He's there in the Taisho Secret, though, because this aired around Mitsuroi-chan's birthday! The Kamado siblings are so star-struck they really do just spend all these Taisho Secret time they can get with her. (Meanwhile, Tanjiro's only impressions of Muichiro are "He's right but he's a meanie! Though maybe he doesn't mean to be mean? Also, wow, he's impressive. Haha, he grabbed my nose! ...Uh, did he notice Chachamaru or something... is he... okay? Oh, he's flying----" so of course Tanjiro is going to be confused when Muichiro is suddenly a huge fan of him and thanking him for stuff he didn't even do.) Anyway, I happened to have just finishing eating omuraisu (omelette rice) when I watched this Taisho Secret, so tee hee, ya~y

--As usual, I had a lot to say.

--I'll just state again, THAT FLASHBACK IS SO GOOD. LIKE, DANG.

[anamoon63]

RL and Sims update post + a thank you note

(Warning: long post ahead, read at your own risk).

I wrote this post to thank you guys for all the likes and comments you keep leaving on my posts, even though, as you may have noticed, I can't be here as often as I used to. Real life has taken over almost completely, as I think it should. There are too many things going on, with me, my family, my country, even my sims and other games, lol.

I'm not going to bore you with daily life problems, much less with sad and depressive stuff, or with previews of a story I don't know when/if I'll ever finish, the only thing I can tell you is that I'm still busy with a lot of work, (fortunately) and family stuff; plus, I (finally) started going to therapy (yes, at my age). So right now, I'm juggling even more things than I already was.

And so I wanted to thank you for sticking with me, for continuing to read the chaotic stories of my wacky characters without judging them; thank you as well for each and every message you have sent to my inbox, be it questions, or flowers and love; and to all of you who continue to tag me both on sims stuff and cute games, knowing that I most likely won't be able to answer you, really, thank you for continuing to think of me. Your messages soothe my heart in difficult moments, and I wish to answer them all, I just don't know when I will be able to do that, hopefully someday.

Now, my sims story. For those of you who might remotely still be interested, I'm currently revising the next few episodes of Time Traveler which I wrote earlier this year. To be honest, I don't know when they will be ready, I just know the story goes on and as soon as I have reviewed these episodes, I'll start taking the pictures. When will they be published? Frankly, I don't know. It could be early 2025, but no promises, as I don't have much free time on my hands now. I manage to write in the evenings, but in-game photo shoots are quite time consuming and have to be done in peace and privacy, of which I don't have much at the moment. So, if I do decide to publish these episodes, it will likely be early next year, and at a rather slow pace.

About my gameplay, in Sims 4 we will continue with the Wilsons until the end of the season (coming soon), and then we will take a small break. As for The Sims 3, we just finished Patrick's story in Bridgeport, so now we'll go back with The Cho Brothers. First, we'll take a brief trip to Lucky Palms with Terence and Cynthia Cho; then we'll spend a rather long time in Hidden Springs and Starlight Shores, to see what has happened with Tyron, the eldest of the Cho brothers. And last but not least, we'll go back to Uni with Dale and Kelly, who I hope will FINALLY graduate this year, hahaha.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I am not gone (yet), that if one day I decide to retire I will make a special post about it, I won't leave without saying goodbye, but that day seems far away at least for the moment. 

Now, regarding Inzoi…

I admit Inzoi has captured my interest. As usual, I'm late to the comment party, but I still want to put my two cents about this amazing game. Seeing the trailers and all those beautiful Inzois created by other simmers got me so excited, and at the same time, terribly frustrated to see that the demo didn't contain any gameplay. I need to actually play the game to give an opinion on it! So far it looks beautiful, though I must say that the character creator disappointed me because the sliders are Sims 4 style, which I've always found a bit complicated, I'll forever prefer the Sims 3 sliders, but hey, I had a lot of fun creating my own Inzois.

Hopefully the graphics and gameplay are as good as seen in the previews and its developers won't “break” it into multiple or turn the into a malfunctioning cash cow like EA did with The Sims 4, and to a certain extent, also with the Sims 3 in its time. I hope with Inzoi they'll go for a complete game, no matter if it's expensive, if I consider it is worth it, I'll give them my money as soon as it comes out.

That being said, it is important for me to clarify that I will not abandon The Sims 3 (or even Sims 4 though I don't play it much) for Inzoi. Ever. Neither do I plan to recreate my sims OCs/games in it, because my sims are exactly that, sims. If I ever get to play Inzoi it will be with entirely new characters, although I confess, I did try to reproduce two of my most beloved sims (a boy from the future and a college girl who is a model *wink*) and they turned out pretty well, but nowhere near as adorable as they look in The Sims 3. Plus, the environments in which those two OCs currently move could not be reproduced in Inzoi, at least as far as I know.

Okay, enough of Inzoi. In short: I'm not gone, I'm still here, I'm still reading all your stories, only at a much slower pace, two or 3 simblrs per day at the most. I'm going to read them all, just bear with me, and forgive me again if I don't always comment. Sometimes I don't even have the time or the energy for that. Believe me, 2024 has been an intense year in every possible way, sometimes I really need a break, but I try to be around and will always find a way to keep in touch, even if at times it seems like I'm nowhere to be found, I'll get back to you at some point.

That's all, thanks for reading this far! Have a nice and beautiful start of the week. 💗

P.S. I wrote this post three days ago, wish I had published it earlier, that way I probably wouldn't have gotten a notification that some Simblrs Community 'removed my membership'. When I clicked in said Simblrs Community icon, it said the community was 'private'. I don't know if that's some kind of automatic Tumblr thing, if there's a committee that decides about this, or if it was just a glitch in the matrix; whatever it was, I'm so sorry I wasn't able to be here to keep said membership. I didn't even know Simblr was a private membership. For what it's worth, it wasn't neglect or lack of interest for my part, just lack of time. I hope one day to be able to qualify again and be worthy of this membership. At any rate, I thank you for thinking of me and admitting me in your community in the first place.

[potol0ver]

Horror with the Bros

Mc is into ARGs/horror and make the brothers sit down and watch their favorite series with them.

Very self indulgent because I love ARGs and scare myself more than I should- I finished this at 3 am and all while I was watching Vita Carnas again and I swear I’m not gonna sleep until it’s light out fml-

I apologize if some of the brothers sections are shorter than the others-

TW; none (?), mentions of jump scares of existing ARGs and stuff alike, nothing horribly detailed,

Lucifer

He doesn’t see why you’d like this. Why would you intentionally scare yourself?

He’d respect the art behind the well developed jump scares and how they’re able to get under someone’s skin.

If you make him watch something like the Mandela Catalog he’d be unnerved by how they use religion as a plot point.

Possibly the only type of horror to truly un nerve him.

You and Lucifer were snuggling down in his bed after you practically dragged him to watch an ARG with you, of course that’s after days of begging him to indulge in watching horror with you.

“I don’t get why you like this stuff…” he scoffs quietly as you set up your computer to watch the Mandela catalog, snuggling yourself into his side.

With a roll in your eyes you hit play on the first episode. He’d hum lowly at the imagery of the uncanny and disfigured human imagery, he won’t lie, that shit is unnerving. Once he realized this had a religion undying to it, he scoffs and gives you a look of “oh really?”.

Why would this be scary to me? I know the truth, hell I was an Angel. I won’t be scared.

Once the cartoons played he started to doubt that thought of his, and once the Angel appeared and spoke in its weird way, you could feel a chill go down his spine. Now it’s your turn to look at him smugly.

“Oh?”

“Shut up.”

Mammon

Good luck dude-

He will NOT make it easy for you

You’d have to puppy dog eye him, make a deal with him about money/getting him out of trouble, lights on constantly, and snuggles throughout.

Take it easy on him please

“You’re lucky I love ya human…” Mammons say’s already under a big pile of blankets in a fully lit room.

“Of course Mams, thank you for doing your ‘First Man’ duty and watch this with me.” You say with an amused smile. For the sake of him you decide to not do something horribly realistic in terms of art and go with the Walten Files.

His eyes widen seeing the first distorted face, and next thing you now he’s clinging onto you like a terrified child.

“You ok Mams? I can turn it off.”

“No no! I-I-I’m ok! I can do this, for you”

“What was that?”

“Nothing!”

Levi

Similar to Mammon, just less bribe-y and more reassuring him you’ll be next to him.

Will try and blow it off like he’s not scared

“Petscop? Is this a real game?” To his disappointment no it’s not. He ties video games he knows to the series. Overall really quiet as he watches.

He gasps once he realizes kids are the pets and what NLM means in terms of the story. Quietly horrified about the implications of the story, so much so he doesn’t even realize he’s holding onto your arm like a life line.

Please just enjoy the moment and let him hold onto you.

Afterwards he’s amazed by the story telling and how they made the videos look like an actual playable game.

Satan

Arguably the best brother to watch ARGs with.

bold of you to assume he doesn’t already LOVE the ARG scene.

He likes true crime, he likes the puzzle like vibe of it. So of course he likes ARGs

Watch the Monument Mythos with him, HES HOOKED.

Will full on go detective mode on it.

Satan grabs the TV remote for what felt like the 50th time of the night. “Ok ok… Dean right? What if he faked the ADA broadcast so he looks better, like…” he rants as you just sit there amused he likes the series so much, but annoyed he keeps pausing it to put pieces together to soon.

At one point when things finally start adding up, he’s quiet and fully immersed. Giving a “I knew it,” or a “hell yeah” when he theorized something right.

Once you finish the final episode he has chills on his skin, prepare for a fan girl like rant about the series.

Asmo

Mc don’t you know stress is bad for your skin?

Will refuse a horror movie or ARG because of it.

Eventuality will agree to look into an ARG/horror series that doesn’t have horror imagery or jump scares.

“Welcome home? Awww this looks cute~” Asmo will sit there and compliment the cute style of it while watching an analysis video of it.

Gets slightly creeped out at the realistic eyes but other than that he loves it. Even gives his own mini theories. Like how everyone potentially got put into the site/show, how Wally is the only one who says “goodbye” instead of go back.

Over all surprisingly loves it and will wait for an update with you.

Beel

Is down for anything really

If you’re having fun, he’s having fun type of guy.

Although not really into horror, if you like it so much he should to right?

“Vita Carnas? Isn’t that science terms?” He eats watching it at first, but slowly loses appetite due to the nature of the series.

Admits the creatures are really cool and well put together, likes the undertone of the story book pages.

But once he feels that you’re getting scared by the Mimics (let’s be honest who wouldn’t?) he turns into his demon form instinctually. Once you flinch by the realistic puppet the creator made he charges at the TV and breaks it.

“Oh… shit sorry…” Beel says with a wide guilty smile.

Maybe watch something you won’t get jump scared by next time.

Belphie

“Are you trying to give me nightmares?”

Will reluctantly lay on your lap while the series plays

It can’t be to scary so he should be able to sleep through it, right?

“Skinamarink? Sounds like a garbled word…” he says before seeing how the movie is directed.

Already hates it.

Hates the premise the kids are stuck in a horror land.

Hates the voice the kids are hearing.

Is wide eyed watching, slightly backing into you while keeping his eyes on the screen like something will jump at any moment.

When it’s done he’ll be sad about what happened to the siblings, definitely not thinking about Lilith- and in return you’ll have to snuggle him to sleep for a month.

[scoobydoodean]

Thinking about 4.11 “Family Remains” and how Dean keeps insisting to Brian (the dad) that he will save Brian’s family—that he will put himself at risk for them and he will find Danny.

Eventually, Brian asks Dean straight up why he cares so much—why he's willing to put himself at such risk for them. Dean doesn’t get to answer.

We know from the start of the episode that Dean has been hunting non-stop to cope with his trauma. That's made pretty obvious at the beginning of the episode:

SAM: What are you doing? DEAN: What's it look like I'm doing? SAM: Like you're looking for a job. DEAN: Yahtzee. SAM: We just finished a job like two hours ago. DEAN: Adrenaline's still pumping, I guess. So, what do you think... Cedar Rapids, Tulsa, or Chi-Town? SAM: I am all for working. I really am. But you got us chasing cases nonstop for like a month now. We need sleep. DEAN: Yeah, we can sleep when we're dead. SAM: You're exhausted, Dean. DEAN: I'm good. SAM: No, you're not. You're running on fumes, and you can't run forever. DEAN: And what am I running from? SAM: From what you told me. Or are we pretending that never happened?

We've seen this behavior from Sam before too—Sam pushing back to back hunts in 1.19-1.20 to cope with his anger, and in 2.11 (due to guilt over Ava) and in 2.19 to deal with Madison's death, and in 3.11 to deal with Dean's (temporary) death. We'll see it in the future too—the brothers displaying a need to work to get through something.

So it’s easy to say Dean is simply pushing himself to "be the hero" in 4.11 because of guilt about Hell and leave it at that. I do think Dean believes in atonement (we get hints about this in 4.05), but I think the reason Dean insists on being the person to jump down in the first hole they find instead of Ted, and then insists on going down the second compartment to find Danny when Brian is ready to do it, is also because Dean has a feeling they're going to have to kill this girl, and however scary she may be—however violent—she's also a victim of horrific abuse, and taking a life is always a serious thing. So Dean's trying to spare Brian from that trauma.

Dean doesn’t want Brian to have to take a life and (no matter how justified the kill) feel like a monster. Dean already does feel like a monster (no matter how justified his actions were, no matter how understandable it was because it was born from decades of torture... he still feels and deals with terrible guilt). So Dean takes on the highest risks and puts himself on the front line, upping the chance that if anyone has to do any killing tonight, it'll be him.

Dean does end up killing the boy in the walls in self defense, and the camera focuses on Dean staring at his body as Sam enters, while a sad theme plays in the background, and then we get this look from Dean:

This is the first time in the series that either brother kills a human (besides a demon meatsuit) and a teenager at that, so there's a special weight to it.

But Brian still ends up killing the girl in the walls immediately after this, and that scene is one of the more horrifying ones, because it's shot in a way that casts Brian as the monster lurking in the dark.

Earlier in the episode, we establish the horror of the anticipation of having ones legs grabbed.

DEAN finds a hole in the floor and looks through. TED: You're not going down there. DEAN: Well, do you want to? TED says nothing. DEAN starts down. DEAN: Please nobody grab my leg. Please nobody grab my leg.

And when Brian attacks the girl in the walls, from the perspective of his wife Susan and his daughter Kate, all we see is the girl suddenly get dragged out into the dark by the legs.

Then we focus on Susan and Kate as they listen in terror to the sound of her screaming as she's stabbed over and over and over.

When Brian knocks on the door they jump and scream.

After Susan opens the door for Brian, she backs away from him almost warily.

They see the knife—the blood on his hands and clothes.

Brian saved them, but he's shot as the monster who reaches out and grabs you by the legs. We cast the girl in the walls as a smaller monster (ultimately just a child who can easily be overpowered) snatched up in the jaws of a much bigger fish. All despite the fact that Brian did what he had to do.

SAM: You okay? DEAN: You know, I felt for those sons of bitches back there. Lifelong torture turns you into something like that. SAM: You were in hell, Dean. Look, maybe you did what you did there, but you're not them. They were barely human. DEAN: Yeah, you're right. I wasn't like them. I was worse.

[sleeplesslionheart]

The Haunting of Bly Manor as Allegory: Self-Sacrifice, Grief, and Queer Representation

As always, I am extremely late with my fandom infatuations—this time, I’m about three years late getting smitten with Dani and Jamie from The Haunting of Bly Manor.

Because of my lateness, I’ll confess from the start that I’m largely unfamiliar with the fandom’s output: whether fanfiction, interpretations, analyses, discourse, what have you. I’ve dabbled around a bit, but haven’t seen anything near the extent of the discussions that may or may not have happened in the wake of the show’s release, so I apologize if I’m re-treading already well-trod ground or otherwise making observations that’ve already been made. Even so, I’m completely stuck on Dani/Jamie right now and have some thoughts that I want to compose and work through.

This analysis concerns the show’s concluding episode in particular, so please be aware that it contains heavy, detailed spoilers for the ending, as well as the show in its entirety. Additionally, as a major trigger warning: this essay contains explicit references to suicide and suicidal ideation, so please tread cautiously. (These are triggers for me, and I did, in fact, manage to trigger myself while writing this—but this was also very therapeutic to write, so those triggering moments wound up also being some healing opportunities for me. But definitely take care of yourself while reading this, okay?).

After finishing Bly and necessarily being destroyed by the ending, staying up until 2:00 a.m. crying, re-watching scenes on Youtube, so on and so forth, I came away from the show (as others have before me) feeling like its ending functioned fairly well as an allegory for loving and being in a romantic partnership with someone who suffers from severe mental illness, grief, and trauma.

Without going too deeply into my own personal backstory, I want to provide some opening context, which I think will help to show why this interpretation matters to me and how I’m making sense of it.

Like many of Bly’s characters, I’ve experienced catastrophic grief and loss in my own life. A few years ago, my brother died in some horrific circumstances (which you can probably guess at if you read between the lines here), leaving me traumatized and with severe problems with my mental health. When it happened, I was engaged to a man (it was back when I thought I was straight (lol), so I’ve also found Dani’s comphet backstory to be incredibly relatable…but more on this later) who quickly tired of my grieving. Just a few months after my brother’s death, my then-fiancé started saying things like “I wish you’d just go back to normal, the way you were” and “I’ve gotten back on-track and am just waiting for you to get back on-track with me,” apparently without any understanding that my old “normal” was completely gone and was never coming back. He saw my panic attacks as threatening and unreasonable, often resorting to yelling at me to stop instead of trying to comfort me. He complained that he felt like I hadn’t reciprocated the care that he’d provided me in the immediate aftermath of my brother’s loss, and that he needed me to set aside my grief (and “heal from it”) so that he could be the center of my attention. Although this was not the sole cause, all of it laid the groundwork for our eventual breakup. It was as though my trauma and mourning had ruined the innocent happiness of his own life, and he didn’t want to deal with it anymore.

Given this, I was powerfully struck by the ways that Jamie handles Dani’s trauma: accepting and supporting her, never shaming her or diminishing her pain.

Early in the show—in their first true interaction with one another, in fact—Jamie finds Dani in the throes of a panic attack. She responds to this with no judgment; instead, she validates Dani’s experiences. To put Dani at ease, she first jokes about her own “endless well of deep, inconsolable tears,” before then offering more serious words of encouragement about how well Dani is dealing with the circumstances at Bly. Later, when Dani confesses to seeing apparitions of Peter and Edmund, Jamie doesn’t pathologize this, doubt it, or demean it, but accepts it with a sincere question about whether Dani’s ex-fiancé is with them at that moment—followed by another effort to comfort Dani with some joking (this time, a light-hearted threat at Edmund to back off) and more affirmations of Dani’s strength in the face of it all.

All of this isn’t to say, however, that Dani’s grief-driven behaviors don’t also hurt Jamie (or, more generally, that grieving folks don’t also do things that hurt their loved ones). When Dani recoils from their first kiss because of another guilt-inspired vision of Eddie, Jamie is clearly hurt and disappointed; still, Jamie doesn’t hold this against Dani, as she instead tries to take responsibility for it herself. A week later, though, Jamie strongly indicates that she needed that time to be alone in the aftermath and that she is wary that Dani’s pattern of withdrawing from her every time they start to get closer will continue to happen. Nonetheless, it’s important to note that this contributes to Dani’s recognition that she’s been allowing her guilt about Eddie’s death to become all-consuming, preventing her from acting on her own desires to be with Jamie. That recognition, in turn, leads Dani to decide to move through her grief and beyond her guilt. Once she’s alone later in the evening after that first kiss, Dani casts Eddie’s glasses into the bonfire’s lingering embers; she faces off with his specter for a final time, and after burning away his shadow, her visions of him finally cease. When she and Jamie reunite during their 6:00 a.m. terrible coffee visit, Dani acknowledges that the way that she and Jamie left things was “wrong,” and she actively tries to take steps to “do something right” by inviting Jamie out for a drink at the village pub…which, of course, just so happens to be right below Jamie’s flat. (Victoria Pedretti’s expressions in that scene are so good).

Before we continue, though, let’s pause here a moment to consider some crucial factors in all of this. First, there is a significant difference between “moving through one’s grief” and simply discarding it…or being pressured by someone else to discard it. Second, there is also a significant difference between “moving through one’s grief” and allowing one’s grief to become all-consuming. Keep these distinctions in mind as we go on.

Ultimately, the resolution of the show’s core supernatural conflict involves Dani inviting Viola’s ghost to inhabit her, which Viola accepts. This frees the other spirits who have been caught in Bly Manor’s “gravity well,” even as it dooms Dani to eventually be overtaken by Viola and her rage. Jamie, however, offers to stay with Dani while she waits for this “beast in the jungle” to claim her. The show’s final episode shows the two of them going on to forge a life together, opening a flower shop in a cute town in Vermont, enjoying years of domestic bliss, and later getting married (in what capacities they can—more on this soon), all while remaining acutely aware of the inevitability of Dani’s demise.

The allegorical potentials of this concluding narrative scenario are fairly flexible. It is possible, for instance, to interpret Dani’s “beast in the jungle” as chronic (and/or terminal) illness—in particular, there’re some harrowing readings that we could do in relation to degenerative neurological diseases associated with aging (e.g. dementia, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, progressive supranuclear palsy, etc.), especially if we put the final episode into conversation with the show’s earlier subplot about the death of Owen’s mother, its recurring themes of memory loss as a form of death (or, even, as something worse than death), and Jamie’s resonant remarks that she would rather be “put out of her misery” than let herself be “worn away a little bit every day.” For the purposes of this analysis, though, I’m primarily concerned with interpreting Viola’s lurking presence in Dani’s psyche as a stand-in for severe grief, trauma, and mental illness. …Because, even as we may “move through” grief and trauma, and even as we may work to heal from them, they never just go away completely—they’re always lurking around, waiting to resurface. (In fact, the final minutes of the last episode feature a conversation between older Jamie and Flora about contending with this inevitable recurrence of grief). Therapy can give us tools to negotiate and live with them, of course; but that doesn’t mean that they’re not still present in our lives. The tools that therapy provides are meant to help us manage those inevitable resurfacings in healthy ways. But they are not meant to return us to some pre-grief or pre-trauma state of “normality” or to make them magically dissipate into the ether, never to return. And, even with plenty of therapy and with healthy coping mechanisms, we can still experience significant mental health issues in the wake of catastrophic grief, loss, and trauma; therapy doesn’t totally preclude that possibility.

In light of my own experiences with personal tragedy, crumbling mental health, and the dissolution of a romantic partnership with someone who couldn’t accept the presence of grief in my life, I was immediately enamored with the ways that Jamie approaches the enduring aftereffects of Dani’s trauma during the show’s final episode. Jamie never once pressures Dani to just be “normal.” She never once issues any judgment about what Dani is experiencing. At those times when Dani’s grief and trauma do resurface—when the beast in the jungle catches up with her—Jamie is there to console her, often with the strategies that have always worked in their relationship: gentle, playful ribbing and words of affirmation. There are instances in which Dani doesn’t emote joyfulness during events that we might otherwise expect her to—consider, for instance, how somber Dani appears in the proposal scene, in contrast to Jamie’s smiles and laughter. (In the year after my brother’s death, my ex-fiancé and his family would observe that I seemed gloomy in situations that they thought should be fun and exciting. “Then why aren’t you smiling?” they’d ask, even when I tried to assure them that I was having a good time, but just couldn’t completely feel that or express it in the ways that I might’ve in the past). Dani even comments on an inability to feel that is all too reminiscent of the blunting of emotions that can happen in the wake of acute trauma: “It’s like I see you in front of me and I feel you touching me, and every day we’re living our lives, and I’m aware of that. But it’s like I don’t feel it all the way.” But throughout all of this (and in contrast to my own experiences with my ex), Jamie attempts to ground Dani without ever invalidating what she’s experiencing. When Dani tells her that she can’t feel, Jamie assures her, “If you can’t feel anything, then I’ll feel everything for the both of us.”

A few days after I finished the show for the first time, I gushed to a friend about how taken I was with the whole thing. Jamie was just so…not what I had experienced in my own life. I loved witnessing a representation of such a supportive and understanding partner, especially within the context of a sapphic romance. After breaking up with my own ex-fiancé, I’ve since come to terms with my sexuality and am still processing through the roles that compulsory heterosexuality and internalized homophobia have played in my life; so Dani and Jamie’s relationship has been incredibly meaningful for me to see for so, so many reasons.

“I’m glad you found the show so relatable,” my friend told me. “But,” she cautioned, “don’t lose sight of what Dani does in that relationship.” Then, she pointed out something that I hadn’t considered at all. Although Jamie may model the possibilities of a supportive partnership, Dani’s tragic death espouses a very different and very troubling perspective: the poisonous belief that I’m inevitably going to hurt my partner with my grief and trauma, so I need to leave them before I can inflict that harm on them.

Indeed, this is a deeply engrained belief that I hold about myself. While I harbor a great deal of anger at my ex-fiancé for how he treated me, there’s also still a part of me that sincerely believes that I nearly ruined his and his family’s lives by bringing such immense devastation and darkness into it. On my bad days (which are many), I have strong convictions about this in relation to my future romantic prospects as well. How could anyone ever want to be with me? I wonder. And even if someone eventually does try to be with me, all I’ll do is ruin her life with all my trauma and sadness. I shouldn’t even want to be with anyone, because I don’t want to hurt someone else. I don’t want someone else to deal with what I’ve had to deal with. I even think about this, too, with my friends. Since my brother’s death and my breakup, I’ve gone through even more trauma, pain, grief, and loss, such that now I continue to struggle enormously with issues like anhedonia, emotional fragility, and social anxiety. I worry, consequently, that I’m just a burden on my friends. That I’m too hard to be around. That being around me, with all of my pain and perpetual misfortune, just causes my friends pain, too. That they’re better off not having to deal with me at all. I could spare them all, I think, by just letting them go, by not bothering them anymore.

I suspect that this is why I didn’t notice any issues with Dani’s behavior at the end of Bly Manor at first. Well…that and the fact that the reality of the show’s conclusion is immensely triggering for me. Probably, my attention just kind of slid past the truth of it in favor of indulging in the catharsis of a sad gay romance.

But after my friend observed this issue, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I realized, then, that I hadn’t extended the allegory out to its necessary conclusion…which is that Dani has, in effect, committed suicide in order to—or so she believes, at least—protect Jamie from her. This is the case regardless of whether we keep Viola’s ghost in the mix as an actual, tangible, existing threat within the show’s diegesis or as a figurative symbol of the ways that other forces can “haunt” us to the point of our own self-destruction. If the former, then Dani’s suicide (or the more gentle and elusive description that I’ve seen: her act of “giving herself to the lake”) is to prevent Viola’s ghost from ever harming Jamie. But if the latter, if we continue doing the work of allegorical readings, then it’s possible to interpret Bly’s conclusion as the tragedy of Dani ultimately succumbing to her mental illness and suicidal ideation.

The problems with this allegory’s import really start cropping up, however, when we consider the ways that the show valorizes Dani’s actions as an expression of ultimate, self-sacrificing love—a valorization that Bly accomplishes, in particular, through its sustained contrasting of love and possession.

The Implications of Idealizing Self-Sacrifice as True Love

During a pivotal conversation in one of the show’s early episodes, Dani and Jamie discuss the “wrong kind of love” that existed between Rebecca Jessel and Peter Quint. Jamie remarks on how she “understands why so many people mix up love and possession,” thereby characterizing Rebecca and Peter’s romance as a matter of possession—as well as hinting, perhaps, that Jamie herself has had experiences with this in her own past. After considering for a moment, Dani agrees: “People do, don’t they? Mix up love and possession. […] I don’t think that should be possible. I mean, they’re opposites, really, love and ownership.” We can already tell from this scene that Dani and Jamie are, themselves, heading towards a burgeoning romance—and that this contrast between love and possession (and their self-awareness of it) is going to become a defining feature of that romance.

Indeed, the show takes great pains to emphasize the genuine love that exists between Dani and Jamie against the damaging drive for possession enacted by characters like Peter (who consistently manipulates Rebecca and kills her to keep her ghost with him) and Viola (who has killed numerous people and trapped their souls at Bly over the centuries in a long since forgotten effort to reclaim her life with her husband and daughter from Perdita, her murderously jealous sister). These contrasts take multiple forms and emerge from multiple angles, all to establish that Dani and Jamie’s love is uniquely safe, caring, healing, mutually supportive, and built on a foundation of prevailing concern for the other’s wellbeing. Some of these contrasts are subtle and understated. Consider, for instance, how Hannah observes that Rebecca looks like she hasn’t slept in days because of the turmoil of her entanglements with Peter, whereas Jamie’s narration describes how Dani gets the best sleep of her life during the first night that she and Jamie spend together. Note, too, the editing work in Episode 6 that fades in and out between the memories of the destructive ramifications of Henry and Charlotte’s affair and the scenes of tender progression in Dani and Jamie’s romance. Other contrasts, though, are far more overt. Of course, one of the most blatant examples (and most pertinent to this analysis) is the very fact that the ghosts of Viola, Peter, and Rebecca are striving to reclaim the people they love and the lives that they’ve lost by literally possessing the bodies and existences of the living.

The role of consent is an important factor in these ghostly possessions and serves as a further contrast with Dani and Jamie’s relationship. Peter and Rebecca frequently possess Miles and Flora without their consent—at times, even, when the children explicitly tell them to stop or, at the very least, to provide them with warnings beforehand. While inhabiting the children, Peter and Rebecca go on to harm them and put them at risk (e.g. Peter smokes cigarettes while in Miles’s body; Rebecca leaves Flora alone and unconscious on the grounds outside the manor) and to commit acts of violence against others (e.g. Peter pushes Hannah into the well, killing her; Peter and Rebecca together attack Dani and restrain her). The “It’s you, it’s me, it’s us,” conceit—with which living people can invite Bly’s ghosts to possess them, the mechanism by which Dani breaks the curse of Bly’s gravity well—is a case of dubious consent at best and abusive, violent control at worst. (“I didn’t agree,” Rebecca says after Peter leaves her body, releasing his “invited” possession of her at the very moment that the lake’s waters start to fill her lungs).

Against these selfish possessions and wrong kinds of love, Jamie and Dani’s love is defined by their selfless refusal to possess one another. A key characteristic of their courtship involves them expressing vulnerability in ways that invite the other to make their own decisions about whether to accept and how to proceed (or not proceed). As we discussed earlier, Dani and Jamie’s first kiss happens after Dani opens up about her guilt surrounding her ex-fiancé’s death. Pausing that kiss, Jamie checks, “You sure?” and only continues after Dani answers with a spoken yes. (Let’s also take this moment to appreciate Amelia Eve’s excellent, whispered “Thank fuck,” that isn’t included in Netflix’s subtitles). Even so, Dani frantically breaks away from her just moments later. But Jamie accepts this and doesn’t push Dani to continue, believing, in fact, that Dani has withdrawn precisely because Jamie has pushed too much already. A week later, Dani takes the initiative to advance their budding romance by inviting Jamie out for a drink—which Jamie accepts by, instead, taking Dani to see her blooming moonflowers that very evening. There, in her own moment of vulnerability, Jamie shares her heart-wrenching and tumultuous backstory with Dani in order to “skip to the end” and spare Dani the effort of getting to know her. By openly sharing these difficult details about herself, Jamie evidently intends to provide Dani with information that would help her decide for herself whether she wants to continue their relationship or not.

Their shared refusal to possess reaches its ultimate culmination in that moment, all those years later, when Dani discovers just how close she’s come to strangling Jamie—and then leaves their home to travel all the way back to Bly and drown herself in the lake because she could “not risk her most important thing, her most important person.” Upon waking to find that Dani has left, Jamie immediately sets off to follow her back to Bly. And in an absolutely heartbreaking, beautiful scene, we see Jamie attempting the “you, me, us,” invitation, desperate for Dani to possess her, for Dani to take Jamie with her. (Y’all, I know I’m critiquing this scene right now, but I also fuckin’ love it, okay? Ugh. The sight of Jamie screaming into the water and helplessly grasping for Dani is gonna stay with me forever. brb while I go cry about it again). Dani, of course, refuses this plea. Because “Dani wouldn’t. Dani would never.” Further emphasizing the nobility of Dani’s actions, Jamie’s narration also reveals that Dani’s self-sacrificial death has not only spared Jamie alone, but has also enabled Dani to take the place of the Lady of the Lake and thereby ensure that no one else can be taken and possessed by Viola’s gravity well ever again.

And so we have the show’s ennoblement of Dani’s magnanimous self-sacrifice. By inviting Viola to possess her, drowning herself to keep from harming Jamie, and then refusing to possess Jamie or anyone else, Dani has effectively saved everyone: the children, the restive souls that have been trapped at Bly, anyone else who may ever come to Bly in the future, and the woman she loves most. Dani has also, then, broken the perpetuation of Bly’s cycles of possession and trauma with her selfless expression of love for Jamie.

The unfortunate effect of all of this is that, quite without meaning to (I think? I hope—), The Haunting of Bly Manor ends up stumbling headlong into a validation of suicide as a selfless act of true love, as a force of protection and salvation.

So, before we proceed, I just want to take this moment to say—definitively, emphatically, as someone who has survived and experienced firsthand the ineffably catastrophic consequences of suicide—that suicide is nothing remotely resembling a selfless “refusal to possess” or an act of love. I’m not going to harp extensively on this, though, because I’d rather not trigger myself for a second time (so far, lol) while writing this essay. Just take my fuckin’ word for it. And before anybody tries to hit me with some excuse like “But Squall, it isn’t that the show is valorizing suicide, it’s that Dani is literally protecting Jamie from Viola,” please consider that I’ve already discussed how the show’s depiction of this lent itself to my own noxious beliefs that “all I do is harm other people with my grief, so maybe I should stop talking to my friends so that they don’t have to deal with me anymore.” Please consider what these narrative details and their allegorical import might tell people who are struggling with their mental health—even if not with suicidal ideation, then with the notion that they should self-sacrificially remove themselves from relationships for the sake of sparing loved ones from (assumed) harm.

Okay, that said, now let’s proceed…‘cause I’ve got even more to say, ‘cause the more I mulled over these details, the more I also came to realize that Dani’s self-sacrificial death in Bly’s conclusion also has the unfortunate effect of undermining some of its other (attempted) themes and its queer representation.

What Bly Manor Tries (and Fails) to Say about Grief and Acceptance

Let’s start by jumping back to a theme we’ve already addressed briefly: moving through one’s grief.

The Haunting of Bly Manor does, in fact, have a lot to say about this. Or…it wants to, more like. On the whole, it seems like it’s trying really hard to give us a cautionary tale about the destructive effects of unprocessed grief and the misplaced guilt that we can wind up carrying around when someone we love dies. The show spends a whole lot of time preaching about how important it is that we learn to accept our losses without allowing them to totally consume us—or without lingering around in denial about them (gettin’ some Kübler-Ross in here, y’all). Sadly, though, it does kind of a half-assed job of it…despite the fact that this is a major recurring theme and a component of the characterizations and storylines of, like, most of its characters. In fact, this fundamentally Kübler-Rossian understanding of what it means to move through grief and to accept loss and mortality appears to be the show’s guiding framework. During his rehearsal dinner speech in the first episode, Owen proclaims that, “To truly love another person is to accept that the work of loving them is worth the pain of losing them,” with such eerie resonance—as the camera stays set on Jamie’s unwavering gaze—that we know that what we’re about to experience is a story about accepting the inevitable losses of the people we love.

Bly Manor is chock full of characters who’re stuck in earlier stages of grief but aren’t really moving along to reach that acceptance stage. I mean, the whole cause of the main supernatural haunting is that Viola so ferociously refuses to accept her death and move on from her rage (brought about by Perdita’s resentment) that she spends centuries strangling whoever she comes across, which then effectively traps them there with her. And the other antagonistic ghostly forces, Rebecca and Peter, also obviously suck at accepting their own deaths, given that they actually believe that possessing two children is a perfectly fine (and splendid) way for them to grasp at some semblance of life again. (Actually…the more that I’ve thought about this, the more that I think each of the pre-acceptance stages of grief in Kübler-Ross’s model may even have a corresponding character to represent it: Hannah is denial; Viola is anger; Peter and Rebecca are bargaining; Henry is depression. Just a little something to chew on).

But let’s talk more at-length about this theme in relation to two characters we haven’t focused on yet: Hannah and Henry. For Hannah, this theme shows up in her struggles to accept that her husband, Sam, has left her (Charlotte wryly burns candles in the chapel as though marking his passing, while Hannah seems to be holding out hope that he might return) and in her persistent denial that Peter-as-Miles has killed her. As a ghost, she determinedly continues going about her daily life and chores even as she’s progressively losing her grip on reality. Henry, meanwhile, won’t issue official notifications of Dominic’s death and continues to collect his mail because doing otherwise would mean admitting to the true finality of Dominic’s loss. At the same time, he is so, completely consumed by his guilt about the role that he believes he played in Charlotte and Dominic’s deaths that he’s haunting himself with an evil alter-ego. His overriding guilt and despair also result in his refusal to be more present in Miles and Flora’s lives—even with the knowledge that Flora is actually his daughter.

In the end, both Hannah and Henry reach some critical moments of acceptance. But, honestly, the show doesn’t do a great job of bringing home this theme of move through your grief with either of them…or with anybody else, really. Peter basically winds up bullying Hannah into recognizing that her broken body is still at the bottom of the well—and then she accepts her own death right in time to make a completely abortive attempt at rescuing Dani and Flora. Henry finally has a preternatural Bad Feeling about things (something about a phone being disconnected? whose phone? Bly’s phone? his phone? I don’t understand), snaps to attention, and rushes to Bly right in time to make an equally abortive rescue attempt that leaves him incapacitated so that his not-quite-ghost can hang out with Hannah long enough to find out that she’s dead. But at least he decides to be an attentive uncle/dad to Miles and Flora after that, I guess. Otherwise, Hannah and Henry get handwaved away pretty quickly before we can really witness what their acceptance means for them in any meaningful detail. (I blame this on some sloppy writing and the way-too-long, all-about-Viola eighth episode. And, on that note, what about the “acceptances” of Rebecca, Peter, and Viola there at the end? Rebecca does get an interesting moment of acceptance—of a sort—with her offer to possess Flora in order to experience Flora’s imminent drowning for her, thereby sparing the child by tucking her in a happy memory. Peter just…disappears at the end with some way-too-late words of apology. Viola’s “acceptance,” however, is tricky…What she accepts is Dani’s invitation to inhabit her. More on this later).

Hannah and Henry’s stories appear to be part of the show’s efforts to warn us about the ways that unprocessed, all-consuming grief can cause us to miss opportunities to have meaningful relationships with others. Hannah doesn’t just miss her chance to be with Owen because…well, she’s dead, but also because of her unwillingness to move on from Sam beforehand. Her denial about her own death, in turn, prevents her from taking the opportunity as a ghost to tell Owen that she loves him. Henry, at least, does figure out that he’s about to lose his chance to be a caring parental figure to his daughter and nephew—but just barely. It takes the near-deaths of him and the children to finally prompt that realization.

Of the cast, Dani gets the most thorough and intentional development of this move through your grief theme. And, importantly, she learns this lesson in time to cultivate a meaningful relationship that she could’ve easily missed out on otherwise. As we’ve already discussed, a critical part of Dani’s character arc involves her realization that she has to directly confront Edmund’s death and start absolving herself of her guilt in order to open up the possibility of a romantic relationship with Jamie. In Episode 4, Jamie’s narration suggests that Dani has had a habit of putting off such difficult processes (whether in regards to moving through her grief, breaking off her engagement to Edmund, or coming to terms with her sexuality), as she’s been constantly deferring to “another night, another time for years and years.” Indeed, the show’s early episodes are largely devoted to showing the consequences of Dani’s deferrals and avoidances. From the very beginning, we see just how intrusively Dani’s unresolved guilt is impacting her daily life and functioning. She covers up mirrors to try to prevent herself from encountering Edmund’s haunting visage, yet still spots him in the reflections of windows and polished surfaces. Panic attacks seem to be regular occurrences for her, sparked by reminders of him. And all of this only gets worse and more disruptive as Dani starts acting on her attraction to Jamie.

It's only after Dani decides to begin moving through her grief and guilt that she’s able to start becoming emotionally and physically intimate with Jamie. And the major turning point for this comes during a scene that features a direct, explicit discussion of the importance of accepting (and even embracing) mortality.

That’s right—it’s time to talk about the moonflower scene.

In a very “I am extremely fed up with people not being able to deal with my traumatic past, so I’m going to tell you about all of the shit that I’ve been through so that you can go ahead and decide whether you want to bolt right now instead of just dropping me later on” move (which…legit, Jamie—I feel that), Jamie sits Dani down at her moonflower patch to give her the full rundown of her own personal backstory and worldview. Her monologue evinces both a profound cynicism and a profound valuation of human life…all of which is also suggestive, to me at least, of a traumatized person who at once desperately wishes for intimate connection, but who’s also been burned way too many times (something with which I am wholly unfamiliar, lol). She characterizes people as “exhaustive effort with very little to show for it,” only to go on to wax poetic about how human mortality is as beautiful as the ephemeral buds of a moonflower. This is, in essence, Jamie’s sorta convoluted way of articulating that whole “To truly love another person is to accept that the work of loving them is worth the pain of losing them” idea.

After detailing her own past, Jamie shifts gears to suggest that she believes that cultivating a relationship with Dani—like the devoted work of growing a tropical, transient Ipomoea alba in England—might be worth the effort. And as part of this cultivation work, Jamie then acknowledges Dani’s struggles with her guilt, while also firmly encouraging her to move through it by accepting the beauty of mortality:  

“I know you’re carrying this guilt around, but I also know that you don’t decide who lives and who doesn’t. I’m sorry Dani, but you don’t. Humans are organic. It’s a fact. We’re meant to die. It’s natural…beautiful. […] We leave more life behind to take our place. Like this moonflower. It’s where all its beauty lies, you know. In the mortality of the thing.”

After that, Jamie and Dani are finally able to make out unimpeded.

Frustratingly, though, Jamie’s own dealings with grief, loss, and trauma remain terribly understated throughout the show. Her monologue in the moonflower scene is really the most insight that we ever get. Jamie consistently comes off as better equipped to contend with life’s hardships than many of Bly’s other characters; and she is, in fact, the sole member of the cast who is confirmed to have ever had any sort of professional therapy. She regularly demonstrates a remarkable sense of empathy and emotional awareness, able to pick up on others’ needs and then support them accordingly, though often in gruff, tough-love forms. Further, there are numerous scenes in which we see Jamie bestowing incisive guidance for handling difficult situations: the moonflower scene, her advice to Rebecca about contacting Henry after Peter’s disappearance, and her suggestion to Dani that Flora needs to see a psychologist, to name just a few. As such, Jamie appears to have—or, at least, projects—a sort of unflappable groundedness that sets her apart from everyone else in the show.

Bly only suggests that Jamie’s struggles run far deeper than she lets on. There are a few times that we witness quick-tempered outbursts (usually provoked by Miles) and hints of bottled-up rage. Lest we forget, although it was Flora who first found Rebecca’s dead body floating in the water, it was Jamie who then found them both immediately thereafter. We see this happen, but we never learn anything about the impact that this must have had on her. Indeed, Jamie’s exposure to the layered, compounding grief at Bly has no doubt inflicted a great deal of pain on her, suggested by details like her memorialization of Charlotte and Dominic during the bonfire scene. If we look past her flippancy, there must be more than a few grains of truth to that endless well of deep, inconsolable tears—but Jamie never actually shares what they might be. Moreover, although the moonflower scene reveals the complex traumas of her past, we never get any follow-up or elaboration about those details or Dani’s observation of the scar on her shoulder. For the most part, Jamie’s grief goes unspoken.

There’s a case to be made that these omissions are a byproduct of narrator Jamie decentering herself in a story whose primary focus is Dani. Narrator Jamie even claims that the story she’s telling “isn’t really my story. It belongs to someone I knew” (yes, it’s a diversionary tactic to keep us from learning her identity too soon—but she also means it). And in plenty of respects, the telling of the story is, itself, Jamie’s extended expression of her grief. By engaging in this act of oral storytelling to share Dani’s sacrifice with others—especially with those who would have otherwise forgotten—Jamie is performing an important ritual of mourning her wife. Still, it’s for exactly these reasons that I think it would’ve been valuable for the show to include more about the impacts that grief, loss, and trauma had on Jamie prior to Dani’s death. Jamie’s underdevelopment on this front feels more like a disappointing oversight of the show’s writing than her narrator self’s intentional, careful withholding of information. Additionally, I think that Bly leaves Jamie’s grieving on an…odd note (though, yes, I know I’m just a curmudgeonly outlier here). Those saccharine final moments of Jamie filling up the bathtub and sleeping on a chair so that she can face the cracked doorway are a little too heavy-handedly tear-jerking for my liking. And while this, too, may be a ritual of mourning after the undoubtedly taxing effort of telling Dani’s story, it may also suggest that Jamie is demurring her own acceptance of Dani’s death. Is the hand on her shoulder really Dani’s ghost? Or is it Jamie’s own hopeful fabrication that her wife’s spirit is watching over her? (Or—to counter my own point here and suggest a different alternative—could this latter idea (i.e. the imagining of Dani’s ghost) also be another valid manner of “accepting” a loss by preserving a loved one’s presence? “Dead doesn’t mean gone,” after all. …Anyway, maybe I would be more charitable to this scene if not for the hokey, totally out-of-place song. Coulda done without that, seriously).

But let’s jump back to the moonflower scene. For Dani, this marks an important moment in the progression of her own movement through grief. In combination, her newfound readiness to contend with her guilt and her eagerness to grow closer to Jamie enable Dani to find a sense of peace that she hasn’t experienced since Eddie’s death…or maybe ever, really (hang on to this thought for this essay’s final section, too). When she and Jamie sleep together for the first time, not only does Dani actually sleep well, but she also wakes the next morning to do something that she hasn’t done to that point and won’t do again: she comfortably looks into a mirror. (One small qualification to this: Dani does look into her own reflection at the diner when she and Jamie are on their road trip; Viola doesn’t interfere then, but whether this is actually a comfortable moment is questionable). Then, shifting her gaze away from her own reflection, she sees Jamie still sleeping soundly in her bed—and smiles. It’s a fleeting moment of peace. Immediately after that, she spots Flora out the window, which throws everything back into accumulating turmoil. But that moment of peace, however fleeting, is still a powerful one.

However, Bly teases this narrative about the possibilities of finding healing in the wake of traumatic loss—especially through the cultivation of meaningful and supportive relationships with others—only to then totally pull that rug out from under Dani in the final episode.

During that final episode, we see that Dani’s shared life with Jamie has supported her in coming to terms with Viola’s lurking presence, such that “at long last, deep within the au pair’s heart, there was peace. And that peace held for years, which is more than some of us ever get.” But it’s at the exact moment that that line of narration occurs that we then begin to witness Dani’s steady, inexorable decline. Sure, we could say that Dani “accepts” Viola’s intrusions and the unavoidable eventuality that the ghost will seize control of her. But this isn’t a healthy acceptance or even a depiction of the fraught relationships that we can have with grief and trauma as we continue to process them throughout our lives. At all. Instead, it’s a distinctive, destructive sense of fatalism.

“I’m not even scared of her anymore,” Dani tells Jamie as the flooded bathtub spills around them. “I just stare at her and it's getting harder and harder to see me. Maybe I should just accept that. Maybe I should just accept that and go.” Remember way back at the beginning of this essay when I pointed out that there’s a significant difference between “moving through one’s grief” and allowing one’s grief to become all-consuming? Well, by the time we reach the bathtub scene, Dani’s grief and trauma have completely overtaken her. Her “acceptance” is, thus, a fatalistic, catastrophizing determination that her trauma defines her existence, such that she believes that all she has left to do is give up her life in order to protect Jamie from her. For a less ghostly (and less suicidal ideation-y) and more real-life example to illustrate what I’m getting at here: this would be like me saying “I should just accept that I’m never going to be anything other than a traumatized mess and should stop reaching out to my friends so that I don’t keep hurting them by making them deal with what a mess I am.” If I said something like this, I suspect (hope) that you would tell me that this is not a productive acceptance, but a pernicious narrative that only hurts me and the people who care about me. Sadly, though, this kind of pernicious narrative is exactly what we get out of Bly’s ending allegory.

“But Squall,” you may be thinking, “this scene is representing how people who struggle with their mental health can actually feel. This is exactly what it can be like to have severe mental illness, even for folks who have strong support systems and healthy, meaningful relationships. And there’s value in showing that.”

And if you’re thinking that, then first of all—as I have indicated already—I am aware that this is what it can be like. Very aware. And second of all, you make a fair point, but…there are ways that the show could’ve represented this without concluding that representation with a suicide that it effectively valorizes. I’ll contend with this more in the final section, where I offer a few suggestions of other ways that Bly could’ve ended instead.

I just want to be absolutely clear that I’m not saying that I think all media portrayals of mental illness need to be hopeful or wholesome or end in “positive” ways. But what I am saying is that Bly’s conclusion offers a really fuckin’ bleak outlook on grief, trauma, and mental illness, especially when we fit that ending into the framework of the show’s other (attempted) core themes, as well as Dani’s earlier character development. It’s especially bleak to see this as someone with severe mental health issues and who has also lost a loved one to suicide—and as someone who desperately hopes that my life and worldview won’t always stay so darkly colored by my trauma.

Additionally, it’s also worth pausing here to acknowledge that fatalism is, in fact, a major theme of The Beast in the Jungle, the 1903 Henry James novella on which the ninth episode is loosely based. I confess that I’ve only read about this novella, but haven’t read the story itself. However, based on my (admittedly limited) understanding of it, there appears to be a significant thematic rupture between The Beast in the Jungle and The Haunting of Bly Manor in their treatments of fatalism. In the end of the novella, its protagonist, John Marcher, comes to the realization that his fatalism has been a horrible mistake that has caused him to completely miss out on an opportunity for love that was right in front of him all along. The tragic fate to which Marcher believed that he was doomed was, in the end, his own fatalism. Dani, in contrast, never has this moment of recognition, not only because her fatalism leads to her own death, but also because the show treats her fatalism not as something that keeps her from love, but instead as leading her towards a definitive act of love.

All of this is exactly why Dani’s portrayal has become so damn concerning to me, and why I don’t believe that Bly’s allegory of “this is what it’s like to live with mental illness and/or to love (and lose) someone who is mentally ill” is somehow value-neutral—or, worse, something worth celebrating.

How Dani’s Self-Sacrifice Bears on Bly’s Queer Representation

In my dabblings around the fandom so far, I’ve seen a fair amount of deliberation about whether or not Bly Manor’s ending constitutes an example of the Bury Your Gays trope.

Honestly, though, I am super unenthused about rehashing those deliberations or splitting hairs trying to give some definitive “yes it is” or “no it isn’t” answer, so…I’m just not going to. Instead, I’m going to offer up some further observations about how Dani’s self-sacrificial death impinges on Bly’s queer representation, regardless of whether Bury Your Gays is at work here or not.

I would also like to humbly submit that the show could’ve just…not fucked around in proximity of that trope in the first place so that we wouldn’t even need to be having these conversations.

But anyway. I’m going to start this section off with a disclaimer.

Even though I’m leveling some pretty fierce critiques in this section (and across this essay), I do also want to say that I adore that The Haunting of Bly Manor and its creators gave us a narrative that centers two queer women and their romantic relationship as its driving forces and that intentionally sets out to portray the healing potentials of sapphic love as a contrast to the destructive, coercive harms found in many conventional dynamics of hegemonic heteronormativity. I don’t want to downplay that, because I’m extremely happy that this show exists, and I sincerely believe that many elements of its representation are potent and meaningful and amazing. But…I also have some reservations with this portrayal that I want to share. I critique not because I don’t love, but because I do love. I love this show a lot. I love Dani and Jamie a lot. I critique because I love and because I want more and better in future media.

So, that being said…let’s move on to talk about Dani, self-sacrifice, and compulsory heterosexuality.

Well before Dani’s ennobled death, Bly establishes self-sacrifice as a core component of her characterization. It’s hardwired into her, no doubt due to the relentless, entangled educational work of compulsory heterosexuality (comphet) and the aggressive forms of socialization that tell girls and women that their roles in life are to sacrifice themselves in order to please others and to belong to men. Indeed, Episode 4’s series of flashbacks emphasizes the interconnectedness between comphet and Dani’s beliefs that she is supposed to sacrifice herself for others’ sakes, revealing how these forces have shaped who she is and the decisions that she’s made across her life. (While we’re at it, let’s also not lose sight of the fact that Dani’s profession during this time period is one that—in American culture, at least—has come to rely on a distinctively feminized self-sacrificiality in order to function. Prior to becoming an au pair, Dani was a schoolteacher. In fact, in one of Episode 4’s flashbacks, Eddie’s mother points out that she appreciates Dani’s knack for identifying the kids that need her the most, but also reminds Dani that she needs to take care of herself…which suggests that Dani hadn’t been: “Save them all if you can, but put your own oxygen mask on first”).

In the flashback of her engagement party, Dani’s visible discomfort during Edmund’s speech clues us in that she wasn’t preparing to marry him because she genuinely wanted to, but because she felt like she was supposed to. The “childhood sweethearts” narrative bears down on the couple, celebrated by their friends and family, vaunted by cultural constructs that prize this life trajectory as a cherished, “happily ever after” ideal. Further illustrating the pressures to which Dani had been subject, the same scene shows Eddie’s mother, Judy O’Mara, presenting Dani with her own wedding dress and asking Dani to wear it when she marries Eddie. Despite Mrs. O’Mara’s assurances that Dani can say no, the hopes that she heaps onto Dani make abundantly clear that anything other than a yes would disappoint her. Later, another flashback shows Dani having that dress sized and fitted while her mother and Mrs. O’Mara look on and chatter about their own weddings and marriages. Their conversation is imbued with further hopes that Dani’s marriage to Edmund will improve on the mistakes that they made in their lives. Meanwhile, Dani’s attentiveness to the tailor who takes her measurements, compliments her body, and places a hand on her back strongly suggests that Dani is suppressing her attraction to women. Though brief, this scene is a weighty demonstration of the ways that the enclosures of heteronormativity constrain women into believing that their only option is to deny homosexual attraction, to forfeit their own desires in order to remain in relationships with men, and to prioritize the hopes and dreams and aspirations of the people around them above their own.

Dani followed this pathway—determined for her by everyone else except herself—until she couldn’t anymore.

During the flashback of their breakup, Dani explains to Eddie that she didn’t end their relationship sooner because she thought that even just having desires that didn’t match his and his family’s was selfish of her: “I should’ve said something sooner. […] I didn’t want to hurt you, or your mom, or your family. And then it was just what we were doing. […] I just thought I was being selfish, that I could just stick it out, and eventually I would feel how I was supposed to.” As happens to so many women, Dani was on the cusp of sacrificing her life for the sake of “sticking out” a marriage to a man, all because she so deeply believed that it was her duty to satisfy everyone’s expectations of her and that it was her responsibility to change her own feelings about that plight.

And Eddie’s response to this is telling. “Fuck you, Danielle,” he says. “Why are you doing this to me?”

Pay close attention to those last two words. Underline ‘em. Bold ‘em. Italicize ‘em.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

With those two words, Eddie indicates that he views Dani’s refusal to marry him as something that she is doing to him, a harm that she is committing against him. It is as though Dani is inflicting her will on him, or even that she is unjustly attackinghim by finally admitting that her desires run contrary to his own, that she doesn’t want to be his wife. And with this statement, he confirms precisely what she anticipated would happen upon giving voice to her true feelings.

What space did Edmund, his family, or Dani’s mother ever grant for Dani to have aspirations of her own that weren’t towards the preordained role of Eddie’s future wife? Let’s jump back to that engagement party. Eddie’s entire speech reveals a very longstanding assumption of his claim over her as his wife-to-be. He’d first asked Dani to marry him when they were ten years old, after he mistakenly believed that their first kiss could get Dani pregnant; Dani turned him down then, saying that they were too young. So, over the years, as they got older, Eddie continued to repeatedly ask her—until, presumably, she relented. “Now, we’re still pretty young,” he remarks as he concludes his speech, “but I think we’re old enough to know what we want.” Significantly, Eddie speaks here not just for himself, but also for Dani. Dani’s voice throughout the entire party is notably absent, as Eddie and his mother both impose their own wishes on her, assume that she wants what they want, and don’t really open any possibility for her to say otherwise. Moreover, although there’s a palpable awkwardness that accompanies Eddie’s story, the crowd at the party chuckles along as though it’s a sweet, innocent tale of lifelong love and devotion, and not an instance of a man whittling away at a woman’s resistance until she finally caved to his pursuit of her.

All of this suggests that Eddie shared in the socialized convictions of heteropatriarchy, according to which Dani’s purpose and destiny were to marry him and to make him happy. His patterns of behavior evince the unquestioned presumptions of so many men: that women exist in service to them and their wants, such that it is utterly inconceivable that women could possibly desire otherwise. As a political institution, heteropatriarchy tells men that they are entitled to women’s existences, bodies, futures. And, indeed, Eddie can’t seem to even imagine that Dani could ever want anything other than the future that he has mapped out for them. (Oh, hey look, we’ve got some love vs. possession going on here again).

For what it’s worth, I think that the show’s portrayal of compulsory heterosexuality is excellent. I love that the writers decided to tackle this. Like I mentioned at the beginning, I found all of this to be extremelyrelatable. I might even be accused of over-relating and projecting my own experiences onto my readings here, but…there were just too many resonances between Dani’s experiences and my own. Mrs. O’Mara’s advice to Dani to “put your own oxygen mask on first” is all too reminiscent of the ways that my ex’s parents would encourage me to “heal” from my brother’s loss…but not for the sake of my own wellbeing, but so that I would return to prioritizing the care of their son and existing to do whatever would make him happy. I’ll also share here that what drove me to break up with my ex-fiancé wasn’t just his unwillingness to contend with my grief, but the fact that he had decided that the best way for me to heal from my loss would be to have a baby. He insisted that I could counteract my brother’s death by “bringing new life into the world.” And he would not take no for an answer. He told me that if I wouldn’t agree to try to have children in the near future, then he wasn’t interested in continuing to stay with me. It took me months to pluck up the courage, but I finally answered this ultimatum by ending our relationship myself. Thus, like Dani, I came very close to sacrificing myself, my wants, my body, my future, and my life for the sake of doing what my fiancé and his family wanted me to do, all while painfully denying my own attraction to women. What kept me from “sticking it out” any longer was that I finally decided that I wasn’t going to sacrifice myself for a man I didn’t love (and who clearly didn’t love me) and decided, instead, to reclaim my own wants and needs away from him.

For Dani, however, the moment that she finally begins to reclaim her wants and needs away from Eddie is also the moment that he furiously jumps out of the driver’s seat and into the path of a passing truck, which leaves her to entangle those events as though his death is her fault for finally asserting herself.

Of course, the guilt that Dani feels for having “caused” Eddie’s death isn’t justa matter of breaking up with him and thereby provoking a reaction that would prove fatal—it’s also the guilt of her suppressed homosexual desire, of not desiring Eddie in the first place. In other words, internalized homophobia is an inextricable layer of the culpability that Dani feels. Internalized homophobia is also what’s haunting her. As others (such as Rowan Ellis, whose deep dive includes a solid discussion of internalized homophobia in Bly, as well as a more at-length examination of Bury Your Gays than I’m providing here) have pointed out, the show highlights this metaphorically by having Dani literally get locked into a closet with Edmund’s ghost in the very first episode. Further reinforcing this idea is the fact that these spectral visions get even worse as Dani starts to come to terms with and act on her attraction to Jamie, as though the ghost is punishing her for her desires. Across Episode 3, as Dani and Jamie begin spending more time together, Edmund’s ghost concurrently begins materializing in more shocking, visceral forms (e.g. his bleeding hand in Dani’s bed; his shadowy figure lurking behind Dani after she’s held Jamie’s hand) that exceed the reflective surfaces to which he’d previously been confined. This continues into Episode 4, where each of Eddie’s appearances follows moments of Dani’s growing closeness to Jamie. A particularly alarming instance occurs when Dani just can’t seem to pry her gaze away from a dressed-up Jamie who’s in the process of some mild undressing. Finally turning away from Jamie, Dani becomes aware of Eddie’s hands on her hips. It’s a violating reminder of his claims over her, horrifying in its invocation of men’s efforts to coerce and control women’s sexuality.

It is incredibly powerful, then, to watch Dani answer all of this by becoming more resolute and assertive in the expression of her wants and needs. The establishment of her romantic relationship with Jamie isn’t just the movement through grief and guilt that we discussed earlier; it’s also Dani’s defiance of compulsory heterosexuality and her fierce claiming of her queer existence. Even in the face of all that’s been haunting her, Dani initiates her first kiss with Jamie; and Eddie’s intrusion in that moment is only enough to temporarily dissuade her, as Dani follows this up by then asking Jamie out for a drink at the pub to “see where that takes them” (i.e. up to Jamie’s flat to bang, obviously). The peace that Dani finds after having sex with Jamie for the first time is, therefore, also the profound fulfillment of at last having her first sexual experience with a woman, of finally giving expression to this critical part of herself that she’d spent her entire life denying. Compulsory heterosexuality had dictated to Dani that she must self-sacrifice to meet the strictures of heteropatriarchy, to please everyone except herself; but in her relationship with Jamie, Dani learns that she doesn’t have to do this at all. This is only bolstered by the fact that, as we’ve talked about at length already, Jamie is very attentive to Dani’s needs and respectful of her boundaries. Jamie doesn’t want Dani to do anything other than what Dani wants to do. And so, in the cultivation of their romantic partnership, Dani thus comes to value her own wants and needs in a way that she hasn’t before.

The fact that the show nails all of this so fucking well is what makes all that comes later so goddamn frustrating.

The final episode chronicles Dani and Jamie forging a queer life together that the rest of us can only dream of, including another scene of Dani flouting homophobia and negotiating her own internal struggles so that she can be with Jamie. “I know we can’t technically get married,” she tells Jamie when she proposes to her, “but I also don’t really care.” And with her awareness that the beast in the jungle is starting to catch up with her, Dani tells Jamie that she wants to spend whatever time she has left with her.

But then…

A few scenes later—along with a jump of a few years later, presumably—Jamie arrives home with the licenses that legally certify their civil union in the state of Vermont. It’s a monumental moment. In 2000, Vermont became the first state to introduce civil unions, which paved the way for it to later (in 2009) become the first state to pass legislation that recognized gay marriages without needing to have a court order mandating that the state extend marriage rights beyond opposite-sex couples. I appreciate that Bly’s creatorsincorporated this significant milestone in the history of American queer rights into the show. But its positioning in the show also fuckin’ sucks. Just as Jamie is announcing the legality of her and Dani’s civil union and declaring that they’ll have another marriage ceremony soon, we see water running into the hallway. This moves us into that scene with the flooded bathtub, as Jamie finds Dani staring into the water, unaware of anything else except the reflection of Viola staring back at her. Thus, it is at the exact moment when her wife proudly shares the news of this incredible achievement in the struggle for queer rights—for which queer folks have long fought and are continuing to fight to protect in the present—that Dani has completely, hopelessly resigned herself to Viola’s possession.

I want to be careful to clarify here that, in making this observation, I don’t mean to posit some sort of “Dani should have fought back against Viola” argument, which—within the context of our allegorical readings—might have the effect of damagingly suggesting that Dani should have fought harder to recover from mental illness or terminal disease. But I do mean to point out the incredibly grim implications that the juxtaposition of these events engenders, especially when we contemplate them (as we did in the previous section) within the overall frameworks of the show’s themes and Dani’s character development. After all that has come before, after we’ve watched Dani come to so boldly assert her queer desire and existence, it is devastating to see the show reduce her to such a despairing state that doesn’t even give her a chance to register that she and Jamie are now legal partners.

Why did you have to do this, Bly? Why?

Further compounding this despair, the next scene features the resumption of Dani’s self-sacrificial beliefs and behaviors, which results in her demise, and which leaves Jamie to suffer through the devastation of her wife’s death. This resumption of self-sacrifice hence demolishes all of that beautiful work of asserting Dani’s queer existence and learning that she doesn’t need to sacrifice herself that I just devoted two thousand words to describing above.

Additionally, in the end, Dani’s noble self-sacrifice also effects a safe recuperation of heteronormativity…which might add more evidence to a Bury Your Gays claim, oops.

And that is because, in the end, after we see Jamie screaming into the water and Dani forever interred at the bottom of the lake in which she drowned herself, we come to the end of Jamie’s story and return to Bly Manor’s frame narrative: Flora’s wedding.

At the start of the show, the evening of Flora and Unnamed Man’s (Wikipedia says his name is James? idk, w/e) rehearsal dinner provides the occasion and impetus for Jamie’s storytelling. Following dinner, Flora, her fiancé, and their guests gather around a fireplace and discuss a ghost story about the venue, a former convent. With a captive audience that includes her primary targets—Flora and Miles, who have forgotten what happened at Bly and, by extension, all that Dani sacrificed and that Jamie lost so that they could live their lives free of the trauma of what transpired—and with a topically relevant conversation already ongoing, Jamie interjects that she has a ghost story of her own to share…and thus, the show’s longer, secondary narrative begins.

When Jamie’s tale winds to a close at the end of the ninth episode, the show returns us to its frame, that scene in front of the cozy, crackling fire. And it is there that we learn that it is, in fact, Jamie who has been telling us this story all along.

As the other guests trickle away, Flora stays behind to talk to Jamie on her own. A critical conversation then ensues between them, which functions not only as Jamie’s shared wisdom to Flora, but also as the show’s attempt to lead viewers through what they’ve just experienced and thereby impart its core message about the secondary narrative. The frame narrative is, thus, also a direct address to the audience that tells us what we should take away from the experience. By this point, the show has thoroughly established that Jamie is a gentle-but-tough-love, knowledgeable, and trustworthy guide through the trials of accepting grief and mortality, and so it is Jamie who leaves Flora and us, the audience, with the show’s final word about how to treasure the people we love while they are still in our lives and how to grieve them if we survive beyond them. (But, by this point in this essay, we’ve also learned that Bly’s messages about grief and mortality are beautiful but also messy and unconvincing, even with this didactic ending moment).

With all of this in mind, we can (and should) ask some additional questions of the frame narrative.

One of those questions is: Why is the secondary narrative being told from/within this particular frame?

Answering this question within the show’s diegesis (by asking it of the narrator) is easy enough. Jamie is performing a memorialization of Dani’s life and sacrifice at an event where her intended audience happens to be gathered, ensuring that Miles and Flora begin to recognize what Dani did for them in a manner that maybe won’t just outright traumatize them.

Okay, sure, yeah. True. Not wrong.

But let’s interrogate this question more deeply—let’s ask it of the show itself. So, Bly Manor: Why is the secondary narrative being told from/within this particular frame?

We could also tweak this question a bit to further consider: What is the purpose of the frame? A frame narrative can function to shape audiences’ interpretations of and attitudes towards the secondary narrative. So, in this case, let’s make our line of questioning even more specific. What does the frame of Flora’s wedding do for Bly’s audiences?

Crucially, the framing scene at the fireplace provides us with a sense that we’ve returned to safety after the horror of the ghost story we’ve just experienced. To further assure us of this safety, then, Bly’s frame aims to restore a sense of normality, a sense that the threat that has provoked fear in us has been neutralized, a sense of hope that endures beyond tragedy. Indeed, as we fade from the secondary narrative and return to the frame, Jamie’s narration emphasizes how Dani’s selfless death has brought peace to Bly Manor by breaking its cycles of violence and trauma: “But she won’t be hollow or empty, and she won’t pull others to her fate. She will merely walk the grounds of Bly, harmless as a dove for all of her days, leaving the only trace of who she once was in the memory of the woman who loved her most.”

What Dani has accomplished with her self-sacrifice, then, is a longstanding, prevailing, expected staple of Western—and especially American—storytelling: redemption.

American media is rife with examples of this narrative formula (in which an individual must take selfless action—which may or may not involve self-sacrificial death—in order to redeem an imperiled community by restoring a threatened order) to an extent that is kind of impossible to overstate. Variations of this formula are everywhere, from film to television to comics to videogames to news reports. It is absolutely fundamental to our cultural understandings of what “heroism” means. And it’s been this way for, umm…a long time, largely thanks to that most foundational figure of Western myth, some guy who was crucified for everybody’s sins or something. (Well, that and the related popularization of Joseph Campbell’s hero’s journey, but…I’m not gonna go off onto a whole rant about that right now, this essay is already too long as it is).

In Bly Manor, the threatened order is the natural process of death itself, which Viola has disrupted with a gravity well that traps souls and keeps them suspended within physical proximity of the manor. Dani’s invitation to Viola is the initial step towards salvation (although, I think it’s important to note that this is not entirely intentional on Dani’s part. Jamie’s narration indicates that Dani didn’t entirely understand what she was doing with the “It’s you, it’s me, it’s us” invitation, so self-sacrifice was not necessarily her initial goal). It nullifies the gravity well and resumes the passage of death, which liberates all of the souls that have been trapped at Bly and also produces additional opportunities for others’ atonements (e.g. Peter’s apology to Miles; Henry’s guardianship of the children). But it’s Dani’s suicide that is the ultimate completion of the redemptive task. It is only by “giving herself to the lake” that Dani is able to definitively dispel Viola’s threat and confer redemptive peace to Bly Manor.

It’s tempting to celebrate this incredibly rare instance of a queer woman in the heroic-redemptive role, given that American media overwhelmingly reserve it for straight men. But I want to strongly advise that we resist this temptation. Frankly, there’s a lot about the conventional heroic-redemptive narrative formula that sucks, and I’d rather that we work to advocate for other kinds of narratives, instead of just championing more “diversity” within this stuffy old model of heroism. Explaining what sucks about this formula is beyond the purview of this essay, though. But my next point might help to illustrate part of why it sucks (spoiler: it’s because it tends to prop up traditional, dominant structures of power and relationality).

So…What I want us to do is entertain the possibility that Dani’s redemptive self-sacrifice might serve specific purposes for straight audiences, especially in the return to the frame at the end.

Across The Haunting of Bly Manor, we’ve seen ample examples of heterosexuality gone awry. The show has repeatedly called our attention to the flaws and failings of heterosexual relationships against the carefully cultivated safety, open communication, and mutual fulfillment of a queer romance between two women. But, while queer audiences may celebrate this about this show, for straight audiences, this whole situation might just wind up producing anxiety instead—as though heterosexuality is also a threatened order within the world of Bly Manor. More generally, asking straight audiences to connect with a queer couple as the show’s main protagonists is an unaccustomed challenge with which they’re not normally tasked; thus, the show risks leaving this dominant viewer base uncomfortable, threatened, and resentful, sitting with the looming question of whether heterosexuality is, itself, redeemable.

In answer to this, Dani’s self-sacrifice provides multiple assurances to straight audiences. To begin with, her assumption of the traditional heroic-redemptive role secures audiences within the familiar confines of that narrative formula, which also then promises that Dani is acting as a protector of threatened status quos and not as another source of peril. What Bly Manor is doing here is, in effect, acknowledging that it may have challenged (and even threatened) straight audiences with its centerpiece of a queer romance—and that, likewise, queers themselves may be challenging the status quos of romantic partnerships by, for instance, demanding marriage rights and improvements in media representations—while also emphatically reassuring those audiences in the wake of that challenge that Dani and Jamie haven’t created and aren’t going to create too much disturbance with their queerness. They’re really not that threatening, Bly swears. They’re harmless as a dove. They’re wholesome. They’re respectable. They—and queer folks more generally—aren’t going to totally upend everything, really. Look, they’ll even sacrifice themselves to save everyone and redeem imperiled communities and threatened orders—even heterosexuality itself!

A critical step towards achieving this assurance is the leveling of the playing field. In order for the show to neutralize the threat of queerness for straight audiences, comfort them with a return to safety, and promise them that heterosexuality is redeemable, the queer women need to have an on-screen tragic end to their relationship just like all of the straight couples have. And so, Dani must die and Jamie must grieve.

That accomplished, the show then immediately returns to the frame, the scene at the fireplace following Flora’s rehearsal dinner.

There—after we’ve witnessed so much queer joy and queer tragedy crammed into this final episode—we see Flora and her fiancé, bride and groom, sitting together, arms linked, taking in all that Jamie has to tell them. And with this warm, idyllic image of impending matrimony between man and wife, the safety to which straight audiences return in the frame is, therefore, also the safety of a heterosexuality that can find its redemption through Dani’s self-sacrifice. Not only does Dani’s death mean that Flora can live (and go on to marry her perfectly bland, unremarkable husband, all without the trauma of what happened at Bly), but it also means that she—and, with her, straight audiences—can ultimately benefit from the lessons about true love, loss, and grieving that Dani’s self-sacrifice and Jamie’s story bestow.

And so, Bly Manor concludes with a valorization of redemptive self-sacrifice and an anodyne recuperation of heteronormativity, bequeathing Flora with the opportunities to have and to hold the experiential knowledge that Dani and Jamie have provided for her. Here, queer tragedy serves up an educational opportunity for heterosexual audiences in a challengingly “inclusive,” but otherwise essentially non-threatening manner. The ending is a gentle, non-traumatizing, yet frank lesson to heterosexual audiences in the same way that Jamie’s story is a gentle, non-traumatizing, yet frank lesson to Flora.

Did the show’s creators intentionally do all of this to set about providing such assurances to straight audiences? Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t really know—or care! But, especially in light of incidents like the recent “Suletta and Miorine’s relationship is up to interpretation” controversy following the Gundam: Witch from Mercury finale, I absolutely do not put it past media corporations and content creators to very intentionally take steps to prioritize the comfort of straight audiences against the threats of queer love. And anyway, intentional or not, all of this still has effects and implications loaded with meaning, as I have tried to account for here.

Honestly, though, I can’t quite shake the feeling that there’s some tension between Jamie, Owen, and maybe also Henry about Jamie’s decision to publicly share Dani’s story in front of Flora and Miles. Owen’s abrupt declaration that it’s getting late and that they should wrap up seems like an intervention—like he’s been as patient and understanding as he possibly could up to that point, but now, he’s finally having to put a stop to Jamie’s deviance. I can’t help but read the meaningful stares that pass between them at both ends of the frame as a complex mixture of compassion and fraught disagreement (and I wish that the show had done more with this). The scene where Dani and Jamie visit Owen at his restaurant seems to set up the potential for this unspoken dispute. By their expressions and mannerisms (Dani’s stony stare; the protective way that Jamie holds her as her own gaze is locked on Dani), it’s clear that Dani and Jamie are aghast that Flora and Miles have forgotten what happened and that Owen believes that they should just be able to live their lives without that knowledge. And it’s also clear, by her very telling of Dani’s story, that Jamie disagrees with him. Maybe I’m over-imposing my own attitudes here, but I’m left with the impression that Jamie resents the coddling of Miles and Flora just like I’m resenting the coddling of straight audiences…that Jamie resents that she and Dani have had to give up everything so that Miles and Flora can continue living their privileged lives just like I’m resenting the exploitation of queer tragedy for the sake preserving straight innocence. (As Jamie says to Hannah when Dani puts the children to work in the garden: “You can’t give them a pass forever.” Disclaimer: I’m not saying that I want Miles and Flora to be traumatized, but I am saying that I agree with Jamie, because hiding traumatic shit is not how to resolve inter-generational trauma. Anyway—).

Also, I don’t know about y’all, but I find Flora and Jamie’s concluding conversation to be super cringe. Maybe it’s because I’m gay and just have way too much firsthand experience with this sort of thing from my own comphet past, but Flora’s whole “I just keep thinking about that silly, gorgeous, insane man I’m marrying tomorrow. I love him. More than I ever thought I could love anybody. And the crazy thing is, he loves me the same exact amount,” spiel just absolutely screams “woman who is having to do all of the emotional work in her relationship with an absolutely dull, mediocre, emotionally illiterate man and is desperately trying to convince herself that he does, in fact, love her as much as she (believes) that she loves him.”

I feel like this is a parody of straightness?? Is this actually sincere??

This is what Dani gave up her life to redeem??

To me, this is just more bleak shit that Bly leaves us with. It is so painful to watch.

Bless.

Okay, so I know that I said that I wasn’t going to offer a definitive yes or no about whether Bly commits Bury Your Gays with Dani’s death, but…after writing all of this out, I’m honestly kinda leaning towards a yes.

But I’m already anticipating that folks are gonna push back against me on this. So I just want to humbly submit, again, that Bly could have just not done this. It could have just not portrayed Dani’s death at all.

To really drive this point home, then, I’m going to conclude this essay by suggesting just a few ways that The Haunting of Bly Manor could have ended without Dani’s self-sacrificial death—or without depicting her death on-screen at all.

Bly Manor Could Have Ended Differently

Mike Flanagan—creator, director, writer, editor, executive producer, showrunner, etc. of The Haunting of Bly Manor—has stated that he believes that the show’s ending is a happy one.

I, on the other hand, believe that Bly’s ending is…not. In my view, the way that the ending treats Dani is unnecessarily cruel and exploitative. “Happy ending”—really? If I let myself be cynical about it (which I do), I honestly think that Dani’s death is a pretty damn transparent effort to squeeze out some tears with a sloppy, mawkish, feel-good veneer slapped over it. And if we peel back that veneer and look under it, what we find is quite bleak.

To be fair, for a psychological horror show that’s so centrally about grief and trauma, Bly Manor does seem to profess an incredibly strong sense of hopefulness. Underlying the entirety of the show is a profound faith in all the good and beauty that can come from human connection, however fleeting our lives may be—and even if we make a ton of dumb, awful mistakes along the way. If I’m being less cynical about it, I do also think that the show’s ending strives to demonstrate a peak expression of this conviction. But—at least in my opinion—it doesn’t succeed in this goal. In my writing of this essay, I’ve come to believe that the show instead ends in a state of despair that is at odds with what it appears to want to achieve.

So, in this final section, I’m going to offer up a few possibilities for ways that the show could have ended that maybe wouldn’t have so thoroughly undermined its own attempted messages.

Now, if I were actually going to fix the ending of The Haunting of Bly Manor, I would honestly overhaul a ton of the show to arrive at something completely different. But I’m not going to go through all the trouble of rewriting the entire show here, lol. Instead, I’m going to work with most of what’s already there, leading out from Viola’s possession of Dani (even though I don’t actually like that part of the show either – maybe someday I’ll write about other implications of Viola’s possession of Dani beyond these allegorical readings, but not right now). I’m also going to try to adhere to some of the show’s core themes and build on some of the allegorical possibilities that are already in place. Granted, the ideas that I pose here wouldn’t fix everything, by any stretch of the imagination; but they would, at least (I hope), mitigate some of the issues that I’ve outlined over the course of this essay. And one way or another, I hope that they’ll help to demonstrate that Dani’s self-sacrificial death was completely unnecessary. (Seriously, just not including Dani’s death would’ve enabled the show to completely dodge the question of Bury Your Gays and would’ve otherwise gone a long way towards avoiding the problems with the show’s queer representation).

So, here's how this is going to work. First, I’m going to pose a few general, guiding questions before then proposing an overarching thematic modification that expands on an idea that’s already prominent across the show. This will then serve as the groundwork for two alternative scenarios. I’m not going to go super into detail with either of these alternatives; mostly, I just want to demonstrate that the show that could’ve easily replaced the situation leading to Dani drowning herself. (For the record, I also think that the show could’ve benefitted from having at least one additional episode—and from some timing and pacing restructuring otherwise. So, before anybody tries an excuse like “but this wouldn’t fit into the last episode,” I want to urge that we imagine these possibilities beyond that limitation).

Let’s start off by returning to a point that I raised in the earlier conversation about grief and acceptance: the trickiness of Viola’s “acceptance.”

What Viola “accepts” in the end aren’t her losses or her own mortality, but Dani’s desperate, last-ditch-effort invitation to inhabit her. Within the show’s extant ending, Viola never actually comes to any kind of acceptance otherwise. Dani’s suicide effectively forces her dissolution, eradicating her persistent presence through the redemptive power of self-sacrifice. But in all of my viewings of the show and in all of my efforts to think through and write about it, there’s a question that’s been bugging me to no end: Why does Viola accept Dani’s invitation in the first place?

We know that Peter figured out the “it’s you, it’s me, it’s us” trick in his desperation to return to some form of life and to leave the grounds of Bly Manor. But…what is the appeal of it for Viola? How do her own motivations factor into it? For so long, Viola’s soul has been tenaciously persisting at Bly all so that she can repeatedly return to the physical locus of her connection with her husband and daughter, their shared bedroom in the manor. She’s done this for so long that she no longer even remembers why she’s doing it—she just goes back there to grab whatever child she can find and strangles whoever happens to get in her way. So what would compel her to accept Dani’s invitation? What does she get out of it—and what does she want out of it? What does her acceptance mean? And why, then, does her acceptance result in the dissipation of the gravity well?

We can conjecture, certainly. But the show doesn’t actually provide answers to these questions. Indeed, one of the other major criticisms that I have of Bly is that it confines all of Viola’s development to the eighth episode alone. I really think that it needed to have done way more to characterize her threat and at least gestureat her history sooner, rather than leaving it all to that penultimate episode, interrupting and drawing out the exact moment when she’s about to kill Dani. (Like, after centuries of Viola indiscriminately killing people, and with so many ghosts that’ve been loitering around for so long because of that, wouldn’t Bly Manor have rampant ghost stories floating around about it by the time Dani arrives? But there’s only one minor suggestion of that possibility: Henry indicating that he might’ve met a soldier ghost once. That’s it. And on that note, all of the ghosts at the manor needed to have had more screentime and development, really). Further, it’s disappointing that the show devotes that entire eighth episode to accounting for Viola’s motivations, only to then reduce her to Big, Bad, Unspeakable Evil in the final episode, with no rhyme or reason for what she’s doing, all so that she can necessitate Dani’s death.

As we continue pondering these unanswered questions, there’s also another issue that I want to raise, which the show abandons only as an oblique, obscure consideration. And that is: How the hell did Jamie acquire all that extensive knowledge about Viola, the ghosts of the manor, and all that happened, such that she is able to tell Bly’sstory in such rich detail? My own sort of headcanon answer to this is that Viola’s possession of Dani somehow enabled Viola to regain some of her own memories—as well as, perhaps, a more extended, yet also limited awareness of the enduring consciousnesses of the other ghosts—while also, in turn, giving Dani access to them, too. Dani then could have divulged what she learned to Jamie, which would account for how Jamie knows so much. I bring this up because it provides one possible response to the question of “What does Viola get out of her possession of Dani?” (especially given the significant weight that the show places on the retention of one’s memories—more on this in a moment) and because this is an important basis for both of my proposed alternative scenarios.

Before we dig into those alternative scenarios, however, there’s also a thematic modification that I want to suggest, which would help to provide another answer to “What does Viola get out of her possession of Dani?” while also alleviating the issues that lead into the valorization of Dani’s suicide. That thematic modification involves how the show defines love. Although Bly’s sustained contrasts between love and possession have some valuable elements, I think that the ending would’ve benefitted from downplaying the love vs. possession theme (which is where we run into so much trouble with Dani’s self-sacrifice, and which has also resulted in some celebratory conflations between “selflessness” and self-sacrifice that I’ve seen crop up in commentary about the show—but, y’all, self-sacrifice is not something to celebrate in romantic partnerships, so please, please be careful idolizing that) to instead play up a different theme: the idea that love is the experience of feeling such safety and security with another person that we can find opportunities for peace by being with them.

Seeking peace—and people with whom to feel safe enough to share traumas and experience peace—is a theme that already runs rampant across the show, so this modification is really just a matter of accentuating it differently. It’s also closely linked to the moving through grief theme that we’ve already discussed at length, as numerous characters in Bly express desires for solitude with loved ones as a way of finding relief and healing from their pain, grief, and trauma. (And I suspect that I latched onto this because I have desperately wanted peace, calm, and stillness in the midst of my own acute, compounding traumas…and because my own former romantic partner was obviously not someone with whom I felt safe enough to experience the kind of peace that would’ve allowed me to begin the process of healing).

We run into this idea early in the development of Jamie and Dani’s romance, as narrator Jamie explains in the scene leading up to their first kiss, “The au pair was tired. She’d been tired for so long. Yet without even realizing she was doing it, she found herself taking her own advice that she’d given to Miles. She’d chosen someone to keep close to her that she could feel tired around.” Following this moment, at the beginning of Episode 5, narrator Jamie then foregrounds Hannah’s search for peace (“The housekeeper knew, more than most, that deep experience was never peaceful. And because she knew this ever since she’d first called Bly home, she would always find her way back to peace within her daily routine, and it had always worked”), which calls our attention to the ways that Hannah has been retreating into her memory of her first meeting with Owen as a crucial site of peace against the shock of her own death. Grown-up Flora even gushes about “that easy silence you only get with your forever person who loves you as much as you love them” when she’s getting all teary at Jamie about her husband-to-be.

Of course, this theme is already actively at work in the show’s conclusion as well. During her “beast in the jungle” monologue, Dani tells Jamie that she feels Viola “in here. It’s so quiet…it’s so quiet. She’s in here. And this part of her that’s in here, it isn’t…peaceful.” As such, Viola’s whole entire issue is that, after all those centuries, she has not only refused to accept her own death, but she’s likewise never been at peace—she’s still not at peace. Against Viola’s unpeaceful presence, however, Dani does find peace in her life with Jamie…at least temporarily, until Viola’s continued refusal of peace leads to Dani’s self-destructive sense of fatalism. Still, in her replacement of Viola as the new Lady of the Lake, Dani exists as a prevailing force of peace (she’s “harmless as a dove”); however, incidentally, she only accomplishes this through the decidedly non-peaceful, violent act of taking her own life.

But…what if that hadn’t been the case?

What if, instead, the peace that Dani finds in her beautiful, queer, non-self-sacrificing existence with Jamie had also enabled Viola to find some sense of peace of her own? What if, through her inhabitation of Dani, Viola managed to, like…calm the fuck down some? What if Dani’s safety and solitude worked to at least somewhat assuage Viola’s rage—and even guide her towards some other form of acceptance?

Depending on how this developed, the show could’ve borne out the potential for a much more subversive conclusion than what we actually got. Rather than All-Consuming-Evil Viola’s forced dissolution through the violence of Dani’s redemptive self-sacrifice (and its attendant recuperation of heteronormativity), we could’ve instead had the makings of a narrative about sapphic love as a source of healing that’s capable of breaking cycles of violence and trauma. And I think that it would’ve been possible for the show to accomplish this without a purely “happy” ending in which everything was just magically fine, and all the trauma dissipated, and there were no problems in the world ever again. The show could have, in fact, managed this while preserving the allegorical possibilities of Viola’s presence as mental and/or terminal illness.

But, before I can start describing how this could’ve happened, there’s one last little outstanding problem that I need to address. In the video essay that I cited earlier, Rowan Ellis suggests that there are limitations to the “Viola as a stand-in for mental/terminal illness” reading of the show because of the fact that Dani invites Viola into herself and, therefore, willingly brings on her own suffering. But I don’t think that this is quite the case or that it interferes with these allegorical readings. As I’ve already mentioned at various points, Dani doesn’t entirely understand the implications of what she’s doing when she issues her invitation to Viola; and even so, the invitation is still a matter of a dubious consent that evidently cannot be withdrawn once initially granted—at the absolute most generous characterization. Dani’s invitation is a snap decision, a frantic attempt to save Flora after everyone and everything else has failed. Consequently, we don’t necessarily have to construe Viola’s presence in Dani’s life as a matter of Dani “willingly inviting her own suffering,” but can instead understand it as the wounds and traumas that persist after Dani has risked her life to rescue Flora. In this way, the show could have also challenged the traditional heroic-redemptive narrative formula by offering a more explicit commentary on the all-too-often unseen ramifications of selflessly “heroic” actions (instead of just heedlessly perpetuating their glorification and, with them, self-sacrifice). Dani may have saved Flora—but at what cost to herself? What long-term toll might this lasting trauma exact on her?

And with that, we move into my two alternative ending scenarios.

Alternative Ending 1: Progressive Memory Loss

Memory and its loss are such significant themes in Bly Manor that theycould use an essay all their own.

I am, however, going to refrain from writing such an essay at this moment in time (I’m already super tired from writing this one, lol).

Still, the first of my alternative scenarios would bring these major themes full-circle—and would make Jamie eat her words.

In this alternative scenario, Viola would find some sense of peace—even if fraught and, at times, tumultuous—in her possession of Dani. As her rage subsides, she is even able to regain fragmented pieces of her own memory, which Dani is also able to experience. The restoration of Viola’s memory, albeit vague and scattered, leads Dani to try to learn even more about Viola’s history at Bly in an effort to at least partially fill in the gaps. As time goes on, though, Viola’s co-habitation within Dani’s consciousness leads to the steady degradation of Dani’s own memory. The reclamation of Viola’s memories would occur, then, concomitant with a steady erosion of both herself and Dani. Thus, Dani would still undergo an inexorable decline across the show’s ending, but one more explicitly akin to degenerative neurological diseases associated with aging, accentuating the “Viola as terminal illness” allegory while also still carrying resonances of the residual reverberations of trauma (given that memory loss is often a common consequence of acute trauma). Jamie would take on the role of Dani’s caregiver, mirroring and more directly illuminating the role that Owen plays for his mother earlier in the show. By the show’s conclusion, Dani would still be alive, including during the course of the frame narrative.

I mentioned earlier in this essay that I’ve endured even more trauma and grief since my brother’s death and since my breakup with my ex-fiancé. So, I’ll share another piece of it with you now: shortly after my breakup, my dad was diagnosed with one of those degenerative neurological diseases that I listed way back at the very beginning. I moved home not only to get away from my ex, but also to become a caregiver. In the time that I’ve been home, I’ve had no choice but to behold my dad’s continuous, irreversible decline and his indescribable suffering. He has further health issues, including a form of cancer. As a result, he now harbors a sense of fatalism that he’ll never be able to reconcile—he does not have the cognitive capacities to address his despair or turn it into some other form of acceptance. He is merely, in essence, awaiting his death. Hence, fatalism is something that I have had to “accept” as a regular component of my own life. (In light of this situation, you may be wondering if I have thoughts and opinions on medical aid in dying, given all that I have had to say so far about fatalism and suicide. And the answer is yes, I do have thoughts and opinions…but they are complex, and I don’t really want to try to account for them here).

Indeed, I live in a suspended, indefinite state of grieving. Day in and day out, I watch my father perish before my eyes, anticipating the blow of fresh grief that will strike when he dies. I watch my mother’s grief. I watch my father’s grief. He forgets about the symptoms of his disease; he looks up his disease to try to learn about it; he re-discovers his inevitable demise anew; the grieving process restarts again. (“She would wake, she would walk, she would forget […] and she would fade and fade and fade”).

What, then, does acceptance look like when grief is so ongoing and so protracted?

What does acceptance look like in the absence of any possibility of acceptance?

Kübler-Ross’s “five stages of grief” model has been a meaningful guide for countless folks in their efforts to navigate grief and loss. Yet, the model has also been subject to a great deal of critique. Critics have accused the model of, among other things, suggesting that grieving is a linear process, whereby a person moves from one stage to the next and then ends conclusively at acceptance (when grieving is, in fact, an incredibly uneven, nonlinear, and inconclusive process). Relatedly, they have also called attention to the fact that the model commonly gets used prescriptively in ways that usher grieving folks towards the end goal of acceptance and cast judgment on those who do not reach that stage. These are criticisms that I would level at Bly’s application of Kübler-Ross as well. Earlier, we thoroughly covered the show’sissues with grief and acceptance as major themes; but in addition to those issues, Bly alsotends to steer its characters towards abrupt endpoints of acceptance, while doling out punishments to those who “refuse” to accept. At root, there are normative ascriptions at work in the show’s very characterization of deferred acceptance as refusal and acceptance itself as an active choice that one has to make.

This alternative ending, then, would have the potential to challenge and complicate the show’s handling of grief by approaching Jamie’s grieving and Dani’s fatalism from very different angles. As Dani’s caregiver, Jamie would encounter and negotiate grief in ongoing and processual ways, which would continue to evolve as her wife’s condition worsens and her caregiving responsibilities mount, thereby lending new layers of meaning to the message that “To truly love another person is to accept that the work of loving them is worth the pain of losing them.” Dani’s fatalism here could also serve as a different interpretation of James’s Beast in the Jungle; perhaps her sense of fatalism ebbs and flows, morphs and contorts along with the progression of her memory loss as she anticipates the gradual whittling-away of her selfhood—or even forgets that inevitability entirely. Still a tragic, heart-rending ending to the show, this scenario may not have the dramatic force of Jamie screaming into the waters of the lake, but it would be a relatable depiction of the ways that many real-life romances conclude. (And, having witnessed the extent of my mom’s ongoing caregiving for my dad, lemme tell ya: if y’all really want a portrayal of selflessness in romantic partnerships, I can think of nothing more selfless than caring for one’s terminally ill partner across their gradual death).

Additionally, this scenario could allow the show to maintain the frame narrative, while also packing fresh complexities into it.

Perhaps, in this case, Dani is still alive, but Jamie has come to Flora’s wedding alone, leaving Dani with in-home caregivers or within assisted living or some such. She comes there determined to ensure that Miles and Flora regain at least some awareness of what Dani did for them—that they remember her. The act of telling Dani’s story, then, becomes not only the performance of a mourning ritual, but also a vital way of preserving and perpetuating Dani’s memory where both the children and Dani, herself, can no longer remember. To be sure, such purposes already compel Jamie’s storytelling in the show: Narrator Jamie indicates that the new Lady of the Lake will eventually lose her recollection of the life she had with the gardener, “leaving the only trace of who she once was in the memory of the woman who loved her most.” But in the context of a conclusion so focused on memory loss, this statement would take on new dimensions of import. In this way, the frame narrative might also more forcefully prompt us, the audience, to reflect on the waysthat we can carry on the memories of our loved ones by telling their stories—and also, maybe, the responsibilities that we may have to do so. “Almost no one even remembers how she was when her mind hadn’t gone,” Jamie remarks after returning from Owen’s mother’s funeral, a subtle indictment of just how easily we can lose our own memories of those who suffer from conditions like dementia—how easily we can fail to carry on the stories of the people they were before and to keep their memories alive. (“We are all just stories in the end,” Olivia Crain emphasizes during the eulogy for Shirl’s kitten in The Haunting of Hill House. In fact, there’re some interesting comparative analyses we could do about storytelling and the responsibilities incumbent on storytellers between these two Flanagan shows).

Along those lines, I think that this would’ve been an excellent opportunity for the show to exacerbate and foreground those latent tensions between Jamie and Owen (and maybe also Henry) about whether to share Dani’s story with the now-adult children.

In the show’s explorations of memory loss, there’re already some interesting but largely neglected undercurrents churning around about the idea that maybe losing one’s memory isn’t just a curse or a heartbreaking misfortune (as it is for Viola, the ghosts of Bly Manor, and Owen’s mother), but can, in certain circumstances, be a blessing. Bly implies—via Owen and the frame narrative—that Miles and Flora have been able to flourish in their lives because they have forgotten what happened at Bly and still remain blissfully unaware of it…which, to be clear, is only possible because of the sacrifices that Dani and Jamie have made. But this situation raises, and leaves floating there, a bunch of questions about the responsibilities we have to impart traumatic histories to younger generations—whether interpersonally (e.g. within families) or societally (e.g. in history classrooms). Cycles of trauma don’t end by shielding younger generations from the past; they especially don’t end by forcing impacted, oppressed, traumatized populations (e.g. queer folks) to shoulder the burdens of trauma on their own for the sake of protecting another population’s innocent ignorance. But how do we impart traumatic histories? How do we do so responsibly, compassionately, in ways that respect those harrowing pasts—and those who lived them, those most directly impacted by them—without actively causing harm to receiving audiences? On the other hand, if we over-privilege the innocence of those who have forgotten or those who weren’t directly impacted, what do we lose and what do we risk by not having frank, open conversations about traumatic histories?

As it stands, I think that Bly is remiss in the way it tosses out these issues, but never actually does anything with them. It could have done much, much more. In this alternate ending, then, there could be some productive disagreement among Jamie, Owen, and Henry about whether to tell Flora and Miles, what to tell them, how to tell them. Perhaps, in her seizing of the conversation and her launching of the story in such a public way, Jamie has taken matters into her own hands and has done so in a way that Owen and Henry can’t easily derail. Perhaps Owen sympathizes but does, indeed, abruptly cut her off just before her audience can completely connect the dots. Perhaps Henry is conflicted and doesn’t take a stand—or perhaps he does. Perhaps we find out that Henry had been torn about whether to even invite Jamie because of the possibility of something like this happening. Or, perhaps Henry wants the children to know and believes that they should hear Dani’s story from Jamie. Perhaps we see scenes of past quarrels between Jamie and Owen, Owen and Henry. Perhaps, once the story has ended, we see a brief aftermath conversation between Owen and Jamie about what Jamie has done, their speculations about how it may impact Miles and Flora. Perhaps the show presents these conversations in ways that challenge us to reflect on them, even if it does not provide conclusive answers to the questions it raises, and even if it leaves these conflicts open-ended, largely unresolved.

Alternative Ending 2: Living with the Trauma

If Bly’s creators had wanted Viola’s inhabitation of Dani to represent the ongoing struggles of living—and loving someone—with severe mental illness and trauma, they could have also just…done that? Like, they could have just portrayed Jamie and Dani living their lives together and dealing with Viola along the way. They could have just let that be it. It wouldn’t have been necessary to include Dani’s death within the show’s depicted timeline at all.

The show could’ve more closely aligned its treatment of Dani’s fatalism with James’s Beast in the Jungle—but with, perhaps, a bit more of a hopeful spin. Perhaps, early on, Dani is convinced that her demise is imminent and incontrovertible, much as we already see in the final episode’s diner scene. For a while, this outlook continues to dominate her existence in ways that interfere with her daily functioning and her relationship with Jamie. Perhaps there’s an equivalent of the flooded bathtub scene, but it happens much earlier in the progression of their partnership: Dani despairs, and Jamie is there to reinforce her commitment to staying with Dani through it all, much like her extant “If you can’t feel anything, then I’ll feel everything for the both of us” remarks. But maybe, as a result of this, Dani comes to a realization much like The Beast in the Jungle’s John Marcher—but one that enables her to act on her newfound understanding, an opportunity that Marcher never finds before it’s too late. Maybe she realizes that her fatalism has been causing her to miss out on really, truly embracing the life that she and Jamie have been forging together, thus echoing the show’s earlier points about how unresolved trauma can impede our cultivation of meaningful relationships. Maybe she realizes that her life with Jamie has been passing her by while she’s remained so convinced that Viola will claim that life at any moment. Maybe she comes to understand that her perpetual sense of dread has been hurting Jamie—that Jamie needs her in the same ways that she needs Jamie, but that Dani’s ever-present sense of doom has been preventing her from providing for those needs. And maybe this leads to a re-framing of the “you, me, us,” conceit, with a scene in which Dani acknowledges the extent to which her fatalism has been dictating their lives; in light of this acknowledgement, she and Jamie resolve—together—to continue supporting each other as they navigate Viola’s lasting influences on their lives.

By making this suggestion, I once again do not want to seem like I’m advocating that “Dani should fight back against Viola” (or, in other words, that “Dani should fight harder to win the battle against her mental illness”). But I do want to direct us back to a point that I raised at the very beginning: grieving, traumatized, and mentally ill folks can, indeed, cause harm to our loved ones. Our grief, trauma, and mental illness don’t excuse that fact. But what that means is that we have to take responsibility for our harmful actions. What it absolutely does not mean is that our harms are inevitable or that our loved ones would be better off without us.It means recognizing that we still matter and have value to others, despite the narratives we craft to try to convince ourselves otherwise. It means acknowledging the wounds that fatalistic, “everybody is better without me” assumptions can inflict. It means identifying the ways that we can support and care for our loved ones, even through our own struggles with our mental health.

“Fighting harder to win the battle against mental illness” is a callous and downright incorrect framing of the matter; but there are, nevertheless, intentional steps that we must take to heal from trauma, to receive treatment for our mental illnesses, to care for ourselves, to care for our loved ones. For instance…the very process of writing this essay incited me to do a lot of reflecting on the self-defeating narratives that I have been telling myself about my mental health and my relationships with others. And that, in turn, incited me to do some course-correcting. I thought about how much I want to work towards healing, however convoluted and intricate that process may be. I thought about how I want to support my family. How I want to foster a robust social support network, such that I feel a genuine sense of community. How I want to be an attentive friend. How, someday, if I’m fortunate enough to have a girlfriend, I want to be a caring, present, and equal partner to her; I want to emotionally nourish her through life’s trials and turmoil, not just expect her to provide that emotional nourishment for me. I started writing this essay in August; and since then, because of it, I’ve held myself accountable by reaching out to friends, spending time with them, trying to support them. I’ve also managed to get myself, finally, to start therapy. And my therapist is already helping me address those self-defeating narratives that have led me to believe that I’m just a burden on my friends. So, y’know, I’m workin’ on it.

But it ain’t pretty. And it also ain’t a linear upward trajectory of consistent improvement. It’s messy. Sometimes, frankly, it’s real ugly.

It could be for Dani, too.

Even with her decision to accept the certainties and uncertainties of Viola’s intrusive presence in her life, to live her life as best she can in the face of it all, perhaps Dani still struggles from day to day. Perhaps some days are better than others. Perhaps Viola, as I suggested earlier, begins finding some modicum of peace through her possession of Dani; nonetheless, her rage and disquiet never entirely subside, and they still periodically overtake Dani. Perhaps Dani improves, only to then backslide, only to then find ways to stabilize once again. In this way, the show could’ve more precisely portrayed the muddled, tumultuous lastingness of grief and trauma throughout a lifetime—without concluding that struggle with a valorized suicide.

Such portrayals are not unprecedented in horror. As I contemplated this ending possibility, I couldn’t help but think of The Babadook (2014), another piece of horror media whose monster carries allegorical import as a representation of the endurance and obtrusion of unresolved trauma. The titular monster doesn’t disappear at the film’s end; Sam emphasizes, in fact, that “you can’t get rid of the Babadook.” And so, even after Amelia has confronted the Babadook and locked him in the basement of the family’s home, he continues to lurk there, still aggressive and threatening to overcome her, but able to be pacified with a bowlful of worms. Like loss and trauma, the Babadook can never be totally ignored or dispelled, only assuaged with necessary, recurrent attention and feedings.

Bly could have easily done something similar with Viola. Perhaps, in the same way that Amelia has to regularly provide the Babadook with an offering of worms, Dani must also “feed” Viola to soothe her rage. What might those feedings look like? What might they consist of? Perhaps Viola draws Dani back to Bly Manor, insisting on revisiting those same sites that have held implacable sway over her for centuries. Perhaps these visits are what permit Dani to gradually learn about Viola: who she was, what she has become, why she has tarried between life and death for so long. Perhaps Dani also learns that these “feedings” agitate Viola for a while, stirring her into fresh furor—but that, in their wake, Viola also settles more deeply and for longer periods. Perhaps they necessitate that Dani and Jamie both directly confront their own traumas, bring them to the surface, attend to them. Perhaps, together, they learn how to navigate their traumas in productive, mutually supportive ways. Perhaps this is also what quiets Viola over time, even if Dani is never quite sure whether Viola will return to claim her life.

You may be wondering, then, about what happens with the frame narrative in this scenario. If Dani doesn’t meet some tragic demise, what happens to the role and significance of grieving in the act of Jamie’s storytelling? Would Jamie’s storytelling even occur? Wouldn’t Dani just be at Flora’s wedding, too? Would we miss the emotional gut-punch of the reveal of the narrator’s identity at the end?  

Perhaps, in this case, the ending removes some of the weight off of the grief theme to instead foreground those troubled deliberations about how to impart traumatic histories (as we covered in the previous scenario). As such, the frame could feature those conflicts between Jamie (and Dani here too this time), Owen, and Henry concerning whether or not to tell Dani’s story to Miles and Flora. Perhaps Dani decides not to attend the wedding, wary of contributing to this conflict at the scene of what should be a joyous occasion for Flora; perhaps she feels like she can’t even face the children. And then, without Dani there, perhaps an overwrought Jamie jumps into the story when the opportunity presents itself—whether impulsively or premeditatedly.

Or…Perhaps the show could’ve just scrapped the frame at Flora’s wedding and could’ve done something else instead. What might that be? I have no idea! Sky’s the limit.

At any rate, even with these changes, it would’ve still been possible to have the show conclude in a sentimental, tear-jerking way (which seems to be Flanagan’s preference). Perhaps Jamie’s storytelling does spark the return of the children’s memories. Perhaps, as they begin to remember, they reach out to Dani and Jamie, wanting to connect with them, wanting especially to see Dani again. And then, perhaps, the show could’ve ended with a scene of Miles and Flora finally reuniting with Dani—emotional, sweet, and memorable, no valorized suicide or exploitation of queer tragedy needed.

Conclusion

In my writing of this essay—and over the course of the Bly Manor and Hill House rewatches that it inspired—I’ve been finding myself also doing a great deal of reflection about the possibilities and purposes of horror media. I’ve been thinking, in particular, about the potential for the horror genre to provide contained settings in which we can face and explore our deepest fears and traumas in (relatively) safe, controlled ways. Honestly, I think that this is part of why I enjoy Flanagan’s work so much (even if it also enrages me at the same time). If you’ve read this far, you’ll have seen just how profoundly I relate to so much of the subject matter of The Haunting of Bly Manor. It has been extremely meaningful and valuable for me to encounter the show’s depictions of topics like familial trauma, grief, loss, compulsory heterosexuality, caregiving for aging parents, so on, all of which bear so heavily on my own existence. Bly Manor produced opportunities for me to excavate and dig deeply into the worst experiences of and feelings about my life: to look at them, understand them, and give voice to them, when I’m otherwise inclined to bury them into inconspicuous docility.

Even so, the show does not handle these relatable topics as well as it could have. Flanagan and the many contributors to this horror anthology can’t just preach at us about the responsibilities of storytellers; they, too, have responsibilities as storytellers in the communication of these delicate, sensitive, weighty human experiences. And so, to reinforce a point that I made earlier, this is why I’ve written this extensive critique. It’s not because I revile the show and want to condemn it—it’s because I cherish Bly Manor immensely. It’s because I wanted more out of it. It’s because I want to hold it and its creators accountable. It’s because I want folks to think more critically about it (especially after how close I came to unreflectively accepting its messages in my own initial reception of it).

Television usually doesn’t get me this way. It’s been a long time since I was this emotionally attached to a show. So this essay has been my attempt to honor Bly with a careful, meticulous treatment. I appreciate all of the reflection and self-work that it has inspired me to undertake. I’ve wanted to pay my respects in the best way I know how: with close, thorough analysis.

If you’ve read all this mess, thanks for taking the time to do so. I hope that you’ve been able to get something out of it, too.

Representation matters, y’all.

The end.

[saraakpotter]

Water break!

summery: when Mary's water broke, she has to call someone, and that someone is y\n but, what if things go wrong? genre: fluff, comedy warnings: spoilers from Sherlock season 3 episode 3, pregnancy, giving birth, tell me if i missed anything :)

y\n, walked around the room and told the facts about the murderer. she was pretty sure that the victims brother had killed him.

"it's pretty obvious actually" she said walking back and forth "it is the phone, it's always the phone. i mean if he called his girlfriend with his phone then he should have it now right?"

"well he may have lost it" the victims mother said sobbing

"that may be the most stupid thing i have ever heard. if he got a new phone and If he has no history of losing mobile phones then why should he now?"

"it could have been a coincidence, things like this happen" the mother said and y\n rose an eyebrow.

"plus there are blood stains but no body, yet the victims clothes and bag has been at the same place he was last seen. everything except his phone" y\n said ignoring the woman

"what are you saying Ms. y\l\n?" the victims father asked putting a hand on his wife s shoulder

"i am saying that the murderer is..." but her words were interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing.

she ignored it and continued: ".....i was saying, the person who murdered your son is....."

she was interrupted by he phone ringing once again.

"i swear if this is from Scotland Yard...." she murmured to herself and then looked at her phone. it was Mary.

y\n sighed, glanced at the family.

"i am sorry, i will be here in a minuet" she said and then walked out of the room.

"y\n!" Mary said as soon as she picked up the phone

"Mary, i am sorry but i am in the middle of an important case can i call you ba...." she said but Mary cut her of.

"mywaterbrokei'mgoingtogivebirth"

"i am sorry, what?"

Mary took a deep breath.

"my water broke! i am going to give birth and neither Sherlock nor John are answering!"

"WHAT!?" y\n said and then suddenly burst out laughing.

"y\n!"

"i am sorry, nervous laugh. i will come to you" y\n said sighing

"thank you" Mary breathed out "wait.....come here now! i am not going to wait for you to finish your case...OW"

"but..." y\n tried

"NOW!"

"fine, i'm coming" and with that she ended the call.

10 minuets later:

y\n arrived at 221b Backer street.

"Mary?" she shouted her name

"y\n! i'm here, oh my god!" she said trying to keep calm

"okay, we are going to get you to the hospital, just....try to keep calm"

"i can't!"

"try!" y\n said while helping her walk down the stairs which was getting pretty hard with all the movement.

"y\n! do something!" Mary said

"i am sorry i haven't helped a woman give birth before! i am a detective not a doctor!" she says obviously nervous

when they came down the last stair the door of the flat opened and Fortunately John and Sherlock walked in.

"Mary!" John exclaimed "i saw your text i am so sorry" he walked to her and helped her walk to the car."

"oh, fuck i can't!" Mary said trying to breath

"you can just, wait for some minuets and we will get you to the hospital" John said getting in the car and starting it.

when he heard her gasping for breath he said: "help her!"

"okay, breath. it is fine" Sherlock tried not too willingly

"stop the car!" she said trying to breath

"sweetheart we are near the hos..." John said

"no! stop the......car"

and john parked somewhere near the street.

"great my wife is going to give birth in the middle of the road!" John said

"how, exactly is she going to do that?" Sherlock said calmly and then John looked at y\n innocently.

"don't look at me like that. i have already clarified, i am a detective, not a midwife" y\n said annoyed

"yes, but since you are the only woman here you don't have a choice" Sherlock said with a smirk

"wha...he is the doctor" y\n said pointing at John

"please" John said and y\n sighed.

"fine"

some minuets later:

y\n, John and Sherlock are at the hospital while Mary and the new baby Rosie are getting checked up.

"so, how did delivering a baby felt?" Sherlock teased

"shut up" she said and Sherlock smirked

[imagionationstation]

Do you have any au ideas you’d like to share? Preferably 2012 Donatello centric..

*Bats eyelashes innocently.*

(If not, no problem! I really don’t mind lol)

*stares at you*

*stares are you harder*

I never in my life imagined that I would get this question. I’m the concerning individual who spends my days hunting down Donnie AUs to quench my insatiable thirst for content. What are you doing.

You are not meant to ask me.

BUT SINCE YOU ALREADY DID NO TAKE-BACKS

Okay, so other than this masterpost that I made for everything that exists in some form, I have an AU that’s been on my brain for the last ever but I never started it because What Was Lost was/is already in the works. Activity focusing on two AUs about the same turtle at the same time is unwise.

Though writing What Was Lost and Feral Raphie is no picnic

Introducing: Broken Spectre AU

This AU is a ✨crossover✨ between Rise and 2012. Both shows happen in the exact same pattern up through the Movie and the episode The Power Inside Of Her. The only difference is how April brings Donnie back…

You see, at the same moment that Donnie was popped in the night sky (wow, my own imagery is messed up), another dimension’s Micheal was doing what he was absolutely not allowed to do under any circumstances- practicing his powers without a brother present.

It wasn’t planned or anything. With Leo resting, Raph getting pizzas, and Donnie in his lab- an opportunity presented itself and he took it! Michael’s brothers never let him try the really fun stuff because his magic is still in recovery, and his cracks reamerage when he pushes his powers past mediation. They’re smaller now, healing with time like Draxum promised, but they still scare the shells off his loving, overprotective family.

There’s something so freeing about tapping into the strength whirling in his chest- like waking up fully rested and confident after a good night sleep. He really wasn’t doing anything. Playing around with chains, painting with magic. Nothing insane.

And, just as he’s putting the finishing touches on his canvas of sparkling gold, he feels a tug. An agony. A hurt. Something being ripped apart like a paper, life tossed about like confetti. It vibrates through time and space like nothing ever should, and he knows that, he knows it’s not right. Mikey can feel it, like his brothers standing next to him, touching his ninpo, a soft tap of fluttering life- and when he focuses, he can feel every sensation of their agony, every inch of their panic, every glow of life that fades away, merging back with the universe. It’s dying. It’s scared and it’s alone and it’s dying.

He doesn’t realize his eyes have lit up in a shining yellow. He doesn’t know that a portal is open in front of him, thinner than his portal to the prison dimension, but just as strong. He doesn’t know he’s reaching through, that his ninpo is calling out. He doesn’t know that he takes, blue dots fluttering at his fingers, turning into a ribbon of purple, flowing into his palm. He feels a sudden disruption, an error with his ninpo, like a fence surrounding wild sheep, forcing them into adapt and graze in a smaller land.

His ninpo cuts off, and the light leaves his eyes. He falls to the ground, heart pounding and body flushed with adrenaline, staring at the blank wall, void of the gold that lit up the area. He breathes, shocked and uncertain, before he gets to his feet.

“What-?”

He screams, whirling to face the quiet voice, scrambling back from the specter cloaked in gray. It pulls three reaching fingers back, eyes composed only in black and mouth curved into a frown. It’s brows furrow, a band of light grey around an oval head outlining the action, mouthing opening to reveal a small gap. It’s stands tall, but it’s voice is a whisper formed of thin air, echoing in Mikey’s head.

“Who are you?” It questions, soft and distant. Then, almost as an afterthought, “Who am I?”

The first question is a breeze.

“My name’s Mikey, and, um…”

If only the second is as easy.

-This clip is pending editing to properly analyze Michael’s brainspace and actions in this moment and confirm what should remain and what should change. This is merely an experiment-

NAH SO LIKE HELPFUL KIDNAPPING, IG

I’ve seen a couple Donnie-in-Rise stuff and I think this could be SO ANGSTY. Michael interfered with events and tried to help, but he only ended up stealing away a piece of his soul. So when April brings him back together- he’s not the same. He blanks out on them, confused about the simplest things. He forgets names and things and places. He has trouble retaining new information. His ki is faded and no matter how many times that Leo says that it will heal, it doesn’t. Eventually, they realize that he isn’t simply drained. He’s been sliced, separated, divided. A piece of him is missing.

And without that piece, he’ll only continue to deteriorate.

And that piece is hanging out with Michael. It simply exists, passive and snarky, confused but unable to recall ever not being a spirit. He’s forced to be wherever Michael is. He doesn’t really care. Mikey is the only constant- the only thing that he’s ever sure is true. Michael doesn’t mind the companion. At least, that’s what he tells himself, determined not to reveal to his brothers that he went behind their back to do what he agreed never to do.

The Spectre makes commentary that his brothers can’t hear, nostalgic for things that he can’t remember. Mikey encourages him to talk about it, hoping to learn anything that might tell him who this stranger is. It comes in random spurts through the day. He has brothers. One of them cooks, like Mikey. Another worries, like Raph. Acts braver than he is, like Leo. He has a sister. She’s never around. He has parents. He thinks one of them is dead.

He has a home. He can’t recall anything about it, but it exists. He always becomes small, burdened by what he can’t remember, broken by what he doesn’t know. He hates thinking about it.

“I don’t want to be here, without them,” he says in his ghostly, whispering voice. “I think you should have let me die.”

Mikey tries to pretend that absolutely nothing is wrong, but eventually, his brothers start to catch on to his avoidance. How awkward he is around them. How often he talks to himself. How drained he always seems. And they bring this up to Draxum.

Mikey does his best to avoid any kind of intervention, but against his will, his brothers preform one anyway. They find out the truth, and Draxum discovers that Michael’s ninpo has been invaded. In order to save the piece of a soul, he’s using his own ninpo to keep it alive. Ninpo isn’t meant to be used 24/7. He’s draining his own reserves, and if he keeps it up for too long, he may irreparably damage his ninpo. The only way to solve the problem is to release the spirit.

Something that Mikey absolutely refuses to do.

If the Spectre is a missing piece, then Mikey wants to put him back together. Mikey refuses to let this piece disappear into nothingness when he had the ability to fix it. He doesn’t know how or when, but he’s going to fix this. He messed up by separating him. Even if it’s just bringing the piece back so his spirit can die properly, he’ll do it.

No matter what the cost. Not matter what it takes.

He has a family out there. Mikey has to try.

And, of course, his family has no intention of letting him do it alone.

[wholesomefluffdaddy]

Wednesday's new court mandated therapist is having her keep a journal of her thoughts and feelings. Wednesday finds this to be a complete waste of time and decides instead to use it to record her observations of her unusual roommate Enid Sinclair. Wednesday POV.

——————————————

Entry 18

Current Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent 🌒

Today Enid suggested we head into Jericho for Christmas shopping. I informed her that this was unnecessary for me as I had already finished making my Yuletide gifts before the final month began. She looked a little taken aback but I was quick to clarify that it did not mean I wouldn't join her in town. I donned my jacket and took her hand in my own. She lit up again at once and immediately pulled me out of our dorm.

As we walked through the halls on our way down to the bus she asked me many questions about Yule. I had no qualms in educating her about its history, symbols, and traditions.

'Woah! So it's kind of like an old timey Christmas?' Was her response. I cannot describe the physical pain this caused me. 'Willa, are you okay?' She asked as we boarded the bus.

'Perhaps it would also be prudent to discuss the history of the holiday you celebrate as well.' I said, taking a calming breath as we sat down. I could tell that it would be a long trip to Jericho.

-YourFavoriteFruitBat is now livestreaming-

"What's up guys! YourFavoriteFruitBat here along with my girl GayMerGirl as we head into town! We're going to see how long I can stand in the local churches before I catch fire!"

"You're not seriously doing that are you?"

"Hey chat it looks like we've got a guest appearance by QBB - Queen Bee Barclay!"

"Don't call me that."

"So what are your plans for town today?"

"Well, I guess they now include staying away from the churches."

"Aw, come on Bianca don't be- Wait, chat's going crazy. Hold on. Oh shit! I guess we've also got an impromptu episode of Wenid Watch!"

"So this is still a thing?"

"Yeah, it's become even more popular over the past couple weeks. I remember when Yoko started filming them occasionally as a joke but now everyone is super invested."

"Like, their relationship?"

"Yup! It's the whole 'will they won't they' kind of thing. Except they're finally together now, I think."

"Shh! Quiet you two! This is a rare sighting of the two love bats outside of their nest!"

"-and it was the psychoactive component of the amanita muscaria, or fly agaric, that caused hallucinations, with the most common hallucination being that of flying reindeer."

"Wow! But wait, if people only hallucinated the reindeer flying then how did the Christmas Werewolf win the werewolf games?"

"The… what?"

"The werewolf games! How did the Christmas Werewolf win if the reindeer he ate didn't actually fly?"

"I am unaware of such a tale."

"You not know about the Christmas Werewolf? Ha! Quit joking!"

"This is no jest, cara mia."

"You know, the Christmas Werewolf."

"Mi amor, I am afraid that you repeating it does not give me any greater clarity."

"…You? You really haven't heard the story of the Christmas Werewolf?"

"No. I am woefully ignorant."

"…"

"Please enlighten me."

"Okay! So my dad always told the story just before the twelve days of Christmas began back when my brothers and I were just cubs-"

"Cubs?"

"You know, kid werewolves."

"Ah, I see. Continue."

"The Christmas Werewolf, okay so you know how werewolves remain wolfed out for the twelve days of Christmas right?"

"No..."

"Really? Okay, uh, there's a lot I'm going to need to cover then. Anyway, werewolves who have completed their first full wolf out stay wolfed out during the twelve days of Christmas. That's when we compete in the werewolf games."

"And what happens in these games?"

"Well, we test our strength and stuff, like running and hunting and jumping. There's also alcohol involved but that's mainly for the older werewolves. Anyway, so the story goes that a long time ago on a cold winter's night all the local werewolves gathered together for the werewolf games. Everyone got to play except for one little werewolf. None of the other werewolves would let him join in the games because they said he was too small and weak and could never hope to compete. The little werewolf was very sad but determined to prove them wrong."

"The other werewolves laughed and said they would let him join in the games if he could jump over the wall of a nearby castle. The little werewolf saw how tall the wall was and knew he could not jump it all by himself. He wandered off into the woods and that's when he saw it: Santa's reindeer. The little werewolf got an idea. If the reindeer could fly, maybe he could too if he ate one."

"That took a rather unexpected turn."

"So, he comes up with this whole big plan to catch one of the reindeer. Long story short he succeeds and eats one of the reindeer and goes back to the other werewolves. Anyway, he wins because he can jump super high now and gets crowned the Christmas Werewolf."

"And how did Santa respond to the death of one of his reindeer?"

"Well, I mean, that's why Santa doesn't deliver presents to werewolves. And why we can't enjoy hot chocolate at Christmas. And also why his reindeer wear silver bells, so werewolves never eat his reindeer again."

"That… makes sense."

"I know right? But if the flying reindeer were hallucinations, how did the Christmas werewolf make the jump?"

"I would suppose that with this werewolf being quite clever he found some alternative way to clear that castle wall."

"I guess."

"Enid, if the character of Saint Nicholas refuses to bring gifts to werewolves why have you hung stockings?"

"Oh! Those aren't for Santa! It's for the Christmas werewolf to leave dried venison. It's symbolic of the meat of the flying reindeer."

"Why stockings?"

"Well, you can't wear stockings when you're wolfed out, silly. That's why he puts it in there."

"Of course. And the tree?"

"Werewolf Christmases are mostly spent outside, since almost everyone is wolfed out. So we have two trees that are decorated the same. One inside for the cubs that haven't wolfed out and one outside for everyone else. You can find your family by the tree outside that is decorated like the one inside."

"There appears to be much I do not know about werewolf Christmas."

"I don't know. I think they're mostly the same. I mean, you spend time with family and people you care about, you give gifts, and you compete to see who is the strongest."

"Must one be a werewolf to partake in these games?"

"Uh, technically no but they are very challenging if you aren't."

"What is the prize of winning said games?"

"Well, you get to be the Christmas Werewolf."

"And what does that entail?"

"You get first pick when it comes to meals, everyone has to listen to you, you get bragging rights, and you hunt the Christmas reindeer so you can put venison in everyone's stockings."

"Interesting. Tell me the games again."

"Willa? You're not- you're not thinking of competing are you?"

"Would it be inappropriate for me to?"

"No but, you're not, you're kinda-"

"Yes?"

"You're small."

"Is the story you told me not about the small and clever overcoming brute strength?"

"Yes but Willa- My family is super competitive."

"As am I, querida."

"Willa no."

"I am merely curious, mi loba."

"Well chat? What do you think? Do you think Wednesday Addams has what it takes to compete in the werewolf games?"

"I worry for the werewolves to be honest."

"Bianca's got the spirit! I'm adding a poll down in chat. Chat, do you think Wednesday has a chance? I guess we'll have to wait till after winter break to find out!"

-YourFavoriteFruitBat has ended the livestream-

[heymeowmao]

2024.04.29 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321325028561374544131

I'll stream for a while then go~~

bgm: 落了白 (Falling White) - Jiang Xue’er

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Welcome to my livestream~ Long time no see. I feel like I haven’t seen you in a long time, so I wanted to have a nice chat with you before my next drama starts airing. C: Act more normal. LYN: I’m not acting abnormal?? Are you starting to have something against me, now? Is it that you havent seen me in too long so I feel unfamiliar? I’m being very normal right now, and you want me to “act more normal”? What counts as “normal”? C: Ning-ge, you’re so gentle. LYN: In your hearts am I a very fierce and cruel person? Or do I normally have a bad temper and I yell a lot? No, right? I’ve always been this gentle.

C: The sound is much lower. LYN: /speaks directly into the mic/ Is it too low? I just need to pull the mic closer. 

C: You haven’t eaten, so you have no strength? LYN: No, I’ve eaten. I had a meal before starting the stream. I ordered some takeout. Otherwise I was afraid I would pass out in the middle of the stream. I ate something before I started.

C: Don’t be so gentle. I feel uncomfortable when you’re not backtalking at me. LYN: Are you sadistic? You need me to backtalk you in order to feel comfortable? That’s weird. 

LYN: I don’t know if I’ll have the time to stream once filming starts up, because shooting a drama keeps me pretty busy. My last drama ZLYM- I actually didn’t have that many scenes. I had very few, and I didn’t have time to stream. I’ll have more scenes in this drama (SJYM/A Dream Within A Dream), so if I had to predict then… I would have even less time to stream. Today’s stream is a preemptive measure- so that you’ll be aware that my future streaming schedule will not be very frequent. Please understand.

bgm: 狂風襲來 (Fierce Wind Raid) - West Out of Yumen/Parallel World OST

LYN: I have a lot to do. If I were only an actor I would probably have more time. But I can’t let go of music, and there’s also the streaming so… I don’t have enough time. I guess I’m also getting older, too… C: You also have variety shows. LYN: The Truth is almost finished- I’ll go one more time and we’ll be done shooting for it. After that, I’ll stay in the drama crew a while. I just need to go to shoot The Truth one more time- a two-day session, then it’s over. LYN: It’s a variety show I like a lot. I went to the first season, and the people there were great. Honestly, I rarely make friends. I can only make some if I’m working with them, shooting a drama or variety show together. I made a lot of friends after shooting season 1, and I’ve made a lot of friends after this season as well. Of course, some of those friends are already old friends. Zhou Keyu and Bai Yu, for example. We shot the first season together. I’m close with Reba, because we’ve worked together twice already. This variety show counts as our third partnership. Now there’s Zhang Linghe and Xun-ge. Xun-ge, I actually did work with before, but that was just roughly. Jin Jing also came to film with us this season. It’s nice to be able to make some friends. It’s a happy thing. Later I will be properly focused on shooting the drama and I won’t have much of anything else going on. 

LYN: There are people making fun of me for being scared. Friends. You already saw how scared I got when we shot the prologue. Friends- you might not understand. I was pretending on purpose. Honestly, I wasn’t scared one bit. I wasn’t afraid. I was pretending. Pretending to be cute. I was thinking since my face is so old, if I acted a little cute, would it make the viewers like me a little more? I was just pretending. You can see my performance in the later episodes. I stop pretending, then. I come clean. Don’t believe in what you see, I was just pretending. Pretending to be scared. What’s there to be afraid of? It’s not scary. Just watch me in the later episodes- there’s not one shred of fear in me. Yeah… really. Believe me. C: I can’t believe you at all. LYN: Believe me. I’m not afraid at all, later. You’ll see. 

LYN: The second season should be a pretty good watch. We could tell when we were shooting it- it’s actually very interesting. We’re a good group of people and we had fun together. The other thing is that I don’t record variety shows often- I don’t much have the time, and there are few I want to be on- so when I am on a show I’m always very happy. I’m happy and relaxed. When I’m not too busy with work, I can find a fun project. While I’m playing, it also counts as work which is nice. I was happy to record this variety show. LYN: Every time I go to record for a variety show, I- 

bgm: Truthfully = A1 Trip/DOBI

LYN:  When I go to record for a variety show, when the time comes for it to end, I feel like I don’t want to let it go. I feel like I only just got close with my new friends and we’d only just worked out how to get along. We’d only just reached the point where we could rely on each other, so having to part with them makes me sad. So… the last time we recorded, I had asked the producer, “Will this program have a season three?” They said, “There will be.” I told them, “I remember the last season, I asked you this same question. You made me wait three years.” /sigh/ And then I asked, “What about the third season?” They told me the third season would come quickly. I replied, “Does it depend on how well this season rates? If KSTLB2 flops, would a third season be hard to pull off?” They did not respond. They used silence as the answer. LYN: The moment they lowered their head I understood. I saw clearly the truth of the situation. The cruelty of it. So, friends, when KSTLB2 starts airing, I hope that each one of you here can promote this very good variety show, this easily consumable variety show, this show that makes you think, this show with a group of youthful and good-looking men and women- to your parents and elders, and brothers and sisters. Okay? Thank you, everyone.

C: I’ve watched the whole first season and can tell you all about it from memory. Looking forward to S2. LYN: There’s a problem with S2… wait- would saying this be bad for the program? /laughs/ The gameplay of the second season is different from the first. Our trust will be on thinner ice. Our mutual trust in one another- that friendliness and closeness one feels upon first meeting- will come back to hit us in the face. For example, when we first see each other: “Good morning! How did you sleep? Not bad? Let’s see what we’ve got for us today. I hope we can solve the mystery quickly.” We’re smiling and everyone’s faces are full of… kindness. But once this game starts- there are five fixed players and each week we’ll get a guest sixth- there’s a murderer among the six of us in each episode. So… the whole process is just us suspecting one another. Indiscriminately suspecting, indiscriminately provoking, indiscriminately attacking. Which leads to…

LYN: Last week, I know you saw me wearing a red wig, right? I’m telling this to my fans, since they would probably follow the spoilers about me- I recorded an episode in a red wig. While we were recording that episode, BY kept singling me out. He kept saying, “LYN’s not normal today.” “Liu-ge, you’re not normal today. This is too out of the ordinary. I have a feeling you’re the murderer.” I asked, “Why?” He said, “Because you’re not talking. This is too different from normal. You haven’t spoken a word all day.” I replied, “It’s not that I don’t want to talk, it’s because my hair is being pulled too tightly. The wig is too tight and it’s affecting my ability to think and respond to people normally. Those functions have disappeared. They suffocated.” Half an hour with that wig was okay. Over an hour and it’s a headache. I feel like it was leaving stress marks on my skull. I filmed with it for several hours. After that day I felt like my soul was squeezed out. I was trying to explain to him, “My wig hurts too much. It’s so uncomfortable. I know it looks good, but the cost is too great. It hurts so much.” He said, “I don’t believe you. We’re all adults. How could a person as smart as I am be tricked by your excuses? I’m right. You are the murderer.” Of course, I can’t tell you if he guessed right or wrong. :) LYN: You can imagine- The wig starts from here, and it’s wrapped around your whole head. All that’s left is a mouth. XD It separates your brain from your mouth- do you know that feeling? It’s like a barrier in the middle. Your thinking, logic, and speech is no longer under your brain’s control. 

C: What are you drinking? LYN: Tea. It’s uh... some tea.

C: How many episodes is KSTLB? LYN: It should be around 10 or so? I think it’s 10, and they’re spilt between part 1 and part 2. I’m not sure. Are parts 1 and 2 aired on the same day? I’m not clear on the specifics. They only gave ten episode’s worth of pay. XD I’m guessing how many episodes there are based on how many episode’s worth I was paid for. 

C: How much do you get paid an episode? LYN: /whispers/ What’s it to you? Does it have anything to do with you? LYN: Also- they pay you for this variety show? I had to buy tickets to get inside. It’s a restricted area and you normally need a ticket to get inside. I bought tickets. They pay? I didn’t know! The production team didn’t tell me. Next time I’ll ask the other guests if they were paid to come on the show. At the time, they told me that if I wanted to be on the program I’d have to send the producer a 200rmb red envelope. I thought about it for three days and in the end I didn’t send it. They were supposed to give me money? Wasn’t it that I had to pay to be able to be on it??

C: If I give 400rmb, can I go in and be a ghost? LYN: You want to be an NPC? You want to PAY to be an NPC? I don’t think you can do that.

C: Is Zhuo Bufan coming? LYN: I saw online that Heroes (Tian Xing Jian) would air on May 4th. I think it’s fake news. I saw the posts- someone online said that TXJ would air on 5/4 and many of my fans were discussing it, saying, “Waa~ ZBF is coming!!” I think it’s fake news. Why? Because they only send me the OST yesterday. They send me the OST yesterday, and I need to go record it. Think about it- the OST isn’t even recorded yet, so how can it air?? So that’s… probably false.

LYN: Later when I’m not doing this job anymore, I can… become an yxh that knows more accurate information than any other yxh. C: Ning-ge, it seems like you would be happy to do it. LYN: No- I’m just saying some nonsense!! It looks to me like being an yxh is really easy, is all. If I want to do it, I’m sure that I could be successful at it. I could be big. Even a media company. I think I can make it. You’ve just got to think of different paths. Being in more than one industry is useful.

- /hears some banging from upstairs?/ LYN: ??? - C: Let us know when you’re looking for employees. LYN: Ok. - C: What’s that sound? LYN: I think the upstairs neighbors are fighting. I don’t know who lives up there, but sometimes in the middle of the night I’ll hear things falling on the floor. There are always some sounds that rouse me. But it’s okay because I always make noise for other people, too. I can sit here in the night listening to music and no one complains about me. So if other people bang and drop things on the floor, I won’t complain about them either. But these past few days I’ve gathered that the people upstairs are playing mahjong. The sound is of the tiles hitting the floor. I’m guessing that after the machine shuffled the tiles they accidentally drop the tray of tiles on the floor. They were probably about to win, got excited, and their tiles dropped.

bgm: 天光 (Heaven Light) - Chongzi OST

LYN: I went to record a song the other day. It’s one I sang with another person, and it should probably be released in a few days. It’s… you’ll know when you hear it. It was a pretty good job, so when it comes out please pay it some attention. I’ve sung a song with someone, and it’ll come out in a few days. I’ve actually done a lot of things in secret.   

C: I’ve finally caught up to a fresh stream. LYN: Alrighty. A “fresh” stream is nice.

C: Lao-da, talk about your music variety. LYN: The thing on Jiangsu Satellite TV? (音乐潮计划/Music Wave Project) We’re still in talks about it, but if there’s any progress I’ll let you know.

C: When is KSTLB officially airing? LYN: This, I really don’t know. Even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. So don’t ask me. You can just wait for the news. It should be soon, because I know the first couple of episodes are already made. There’s a… song that we recorded and they’ve sent that to us to listen to as well. 

----- Bodhi Seeds > Walnuts

C: I saw the walnuts. LYN: Lately I’ve gotten into polishing walnuts. I don’t know if any of you are like me- once you start with something, you start also thinking about how you can apply it to other things. One thing at a time, you start buying more and more. The more you see, the more easily you buy it. Are any of you like that? There’s just more and more. I can’t stop myself. In the past two years, when I first got into it, I was handling bodhi seeds (passionfruit hashplant). I kept buying them, of all sorts of different varieties. After playing with those for a couple of days, I didn’t find it fun anymore and gave them away to my friends and staff. At a certain point, I had enough of playing with the bodhi seeds. I started playing with Xingyue bodhi. I kept buying them, of all sorts- /describes the types/- and when I was done with them I gave them away. Then I spent a little more and started playing with the Fengyan bodhi. Fengyan bodhi are- to my understanding- the more expensive of the bodhi types. The pricing is actually a little ridiculously expensive. You see me wearing a strand around a lot. (People comment on the price of them, and he just wants you to know they’re a more expensive/higher grade.) Don’t call then cheaper than they are. LYN: At first I bought a 9mm-108 strand, but no matter how I handled it, I felt like they were too big so I gave them away. How did I do it? I separated it into three sections, and gave the two smaller sections to friends. There was a longer strand and the last time Da Fei-ge came for the Carnation Music Festival, right? When they came, I gave Ah Zhuo a strand of Passion Bodhi seeds. Then I gave a larger set of Qilingyan- a lot of you probably don’t know what I’m talking about. I gave him a set of Qilingyan, but he also wanted a set of smaller ones so I gave him that longer section of the Fengyan. After that, I started playing with the 8mm, not 9mm. Now I’ve moved on to the Jingang bodhi. It’s not particular, and I can play with it however I want.

LYN: And nowadays I’ve set my sights on walnuts. I’ve bought a bunch like the baishizi, guanmo, hamatou, and whatnot. I kept buying them, so now I’ve started to polish them. 

C: You’re a health and wellness streamer. (?) LYN: I’m not. But if I brought you my box of beads to show you, you would really think I am. C: Show us. LYN: Nah. - /makes a comment that he really shouldn’t be playing anymore because it’s a waste of money and it’s addicting./ - [t/n: I got lost, so this is the best I could do.]

LYN: I think I’m going to stop at walnuts, though. One day I was recording for the show and I told ZLH I was starting to polish walnuts. When we’re there, both as guests, isn’t it a good thing to try and find common topics of conversation and get some screentime? Friends- in your life and work, if you want to get closer to a person you have to find a topic of conversation that the other person enjoys talking about. For example, if they like talking about skiing, you can ask them about it. Through this topic, you can speak more to each other and understand one another better. So that day I struck up conversation with him, “ZLH. I’ve started to polish with walnuts lately. I heard it’s also a hobby of yours?” But it wasn’t because I knew that he polished them that I started! I just coincidentally saw that it was related to him, so I asked him about it. But he said, “I don’t polish them.” I said, “Oh?? Then…” It was a little embarrassing. “I heard that your fans are called “Walnuts”? I thought that because you liked to play with them, your fans started calling themselves that as a linkage.” Because people who like to play with the walnuts polish/rub them, so I thought his fans called themselves “Walnuts”. But… (that’s not the case). It was pretty awkward. C: Why would you make that connection? LYN: Because a lot of you tell me to stop playing with the beads and to play with you instead! I thought it was some preference for fans to adopt the name of the thing that their favorite artist likes. For example, some artist likes driving cars, so their fans would call themselves “Little Cars”. I don’t know if that’s actually a thing, though? Like, “Don’t drive cars, drive me instead.”?? 

C: Ning-ge, then we are called “chuan” (串)]! LYN: This name isn’t really good… C: Then from now on we will be called “chuan-jie”. LYN: No, no. It’s not a good name. “Chuan” isn’t normally used to describe humans. It’s used to describe… other things. So please, friends, don’t stick yourself with nonsensical labels. 

bgm: Young Captain队长 & ODD Chen Sijian - 超感 (Super Sense)

LYN: Some of you don’t get what “chuan” means, right? It’s used to describe small dogs. I’m explaining because you don’t get it, I don’t mean to insult you. It’s just that someone asked me what it meant, so I’m letting you know. “Chuan” is typically used to describe animals like small dogs. Let’s say you have a dog and it’s a golden retriever. If it has a pup with a samoyed, that mixed-breed would be called a “chuan.” If I say it like that, do you get it now? It mean it’s a mixed-breed. Yeah… That’s how people usually use the term. 

-----

C: We’re called “Yang Di.” LYN: XD I saw your comments on that. Did it air yesterday or today? I forgot. Hello Saturday. Oh, it was the day before yesterday. I was partnered up with YD and there were some activities that required me tohold on to him. And then- - LYN: Wait- hold on. I just saw a comment that read, “Did you do cosmetic surgery again?” Hey- where do you think I look good? :) Do you think that I am better looking in some way? Where? Tell me. Say it out loud. Tell me. I want to know. Someone just asked if I had cosmetic surgery, so I want to know where they think I look nicer. Hm? - *clicks his tongue* C: Your eyes look prettier. // You eyes are bigger. LYN: Did I get double-eyelid surgery?? I opened up the corners of my eyes? C: Your skin looks more exquisite. LYN: No- that’s because of the beauty filter. LYN: I didn’t get surgery. I wouldn’t have the time to recover. Also I don’t think that cosmetic surgery can save me. If I want to change myself- change this face- I’d have to change my whole head. A project so small as cosmetic surgery can’t save me anymore. - LYN: Continuing on with YD, for the game I had to hold on to him, right? I saw there were some of you who wished you could become him. You really… Did you know in fighting there’s this method called- called�� /has to do the action to get the word/ a headlock? Normally, I think a person would pass out within five seconds if they were really subject to one. 

LYN: It’s kind of hot. Let me turn on the AC. I’ll go turn on the AC. Watch a video first, and I’ll  use the restroom while I’m up. Let me find something. There are a lot of new videos but I haven’t saved them. I’m sure you’ve already seen enough of the ones I already have. 

---------- Break #1 - 52:35-52:45 Daimi Time! LYN: Is this what they mean when they say “so hot you become a dog”? “Hot like a dog”. Is this what they mean? /to Daimi/ I’m talking about you. It’s okay- you can open your mouth to pant. It’s okay. Continue. LYN: She just got back from a bath. My ge sent her back. She just went for a wash so now she's excited. We’ve given her a blow-dry so her fur is fluffy. C: She looks quite heavy.

LYN: Yes. C: How many kgs is she? LYN: I think she’s about 14kg now.

C: The mic receiver is too good. LYN: Yes, nowadays mics are really good.

LYN: Let me sing a song! What do you want to hear? I’ll sing it. LYN: This song is good. Let me gift it to all of you and I hope that if any of you are lost in the dark and can’t find your way, you can find you light in the darkness. This song is for you.

-- 黑夜一束光 (Praying)

LYN: I heard a song the other day I really liked, so I want to sing it. /looking it up/ Oh, that’s what it’s called. … There’s no arrangement for it. I was thinking I would sing it for fun, but there’s no track for it. LYN: ??? Why is there so much white noise?? /troubleshooting/ Let me turn off the AC. LYN: /testing/ Oh, whatever. I don’t care. Let there be white noise. It’s not the sound of rain.

bgm: 世世 (Lifetime) - The Legend of Shen Li OST

C: I want to hear 啊默契 (Till the End) LYN: Okay. I can sing that. - /starts/ /stops/ LYN: Hold on. Sorry, let me start again. -- 啊默契 (Till the End)

bgm: 撞地球 (Earth Collision) by Yu Er Qi

LYN: Let me drink some water, hold on. C: 昨日少年 (Youth of Yesterday) LYN: /sings(?) it/

C: When will you get a new drama? LYN: You- you must not be my fan. Of course, it’s okay even if you’re not my fan. There’s still a chance- a slim chance that you could still become one. My next drama starts filming tomorrow. Today is night before recording starts and I will officially start my new role tomorrow. 

C: Use that style of singing to sing 奉上 (Offer). LYN: /does it/ LYN: I usually sing just like this, and what you hear when it’s released is what they’ve fixed during editing and production. This is how I usually sing. LYN: /sings more/ LYN: Isn’t it nice? It’s perfection. -- 奉上 (Offer) - A Journey to Love OST (tone deaf ver.) -- 奉上 (Offer) - A Journey to Love OST (ft. Daimi)

-- 一念关山 (A Journey to Love) by Richie Jen LYN: ?! Is it going to keep playing? 

-- 立剑 (Establish A Sword) by Zhang Jie Daimi: /barking/ LYN: /to Daimi/ Have you gone crazy? Huh!? What are you barking for?? LYN: I don’t really know this song ^^; Also the key is too high. It’s too high. I remember there was a previous stream in which I swore I would never sing Zhang Jie-laoshi’s songs again. Because they are too high. There’s no need to make things difficult for myself, you know?

-- 别梦寒 (Don’t Dream of the Cold) LYN: This song tires me out. I don’t really have the strength to sing this one. I can’t sing it. 

LYN: I can sing OSTs today! Let me see what OSTs LYN has sung… C: 拂晓 (Dawn) LYN: The one that just came out, right? Harbin 1944 (In the Name of the Brother)? -- 拂晓 (Dawn) - Harbin 1944/In the Name of the Brother OST LYN: Thank you. C: This song is amazing. LYN: When I received this OST, the main reason I accepted was because I haven’t released this type of song lately. I haven’t had this style of song, and it was quite nice sounding, so I accepted it. 

LYN: Am I trending? For real? I’m such a small-fry artist, but I have the honor to be trending? I don’t believe it. Let me find another OST… LYN: Hold on… there’s no rush… - /hums a little of 如果爱还记得 (If Love Still Remembers) - Wonderland of Love OST/ LYN: I know what to sing. I should sing this, shouldn’t I? By all means, I should sing it. (bc LYT is the lead ) -- 朝暮 (Morning and Evening) - Warm on a Cold Night OST LYN: Thank you. C: What song is this? LYN: I can’t believe so many of you are asking what song this is. My fans all know it, right? If you don’t know, then I think that’s also okay, because I release a lot of songs so if you can’t remember them, that’s fine.

C: Trending in the Entertainment tab at 32. LYN: It’s all positive, right? What I mean by that is no one is in there hating on me, right? “What gives LYN the right? When he looks so ugly??” It’s nothing like that, right? What are the contents of the trending topic at 32, friends? It’s not a new “melon” that says I’m in a new drama and who I’m acting alongside, and the comments are all people asking “What gives LYN the right?”, right? C: It’s positive. LYN: Oh, okay. Then it won’t get a very high ranking. I’ll drop off of it in a bit. C: It’s “LYN_Livestream”. LYN: That’s okay, then. I’ll drop off of it later. Usually all the topics that are hating on me rise up in ranks quickly. But for a small-fry like me, just being trending is thanks enough. I’m thankful to have you.

C: I want to hear 愿光 (Wish Light). LYN: Let me see if I have it. I really haven’t sung this live before, have I? I can’t sing it, because it’s not on this platform… Forget it. I won’t sing it, then. I won’t open the other app because it’s complicated to go between them.

LYN: There is one song I really like! I don’t think I’ve sung it before. Sometimes I don’t sing them live because I’m afraid that I won’t be able to. There are some songs that I know while I’m recording them are so difficult to sing and record. When I look back on them, I’m afraid to sing them because I’m afraid I won’t be able to pull it off. Oh, but there isn’t a track for this song. - 隐侠 (Hidden Hero) - 赘婿 (Zhui Xu/My Heroic Husband) Donghua Opening Theme LYN: Let’s forget it, since there’s no track for it.

LYN: This works, right? It’s also an OST. If I’m remembering correctly it’s for the Palace Museum, right? An OST to promote the Palace Museum… I really like this song. It’s about the inheritance of our national treasures. -- 传承 (Inheritance) - Palace Museum Cultural Relics Promotion Song

C: 千里江山 (The Vast Land) LYN: I can do that.

C: 一生有多远 (How Long is a Lifetime) LYN: How does that one go? It’s one of my songs, right? /looks it up/ Oh, it is my song. You know what is suitable for this song? If you have a cup of coffee- oh, no. Coffee doesn’t work. It’s a more nostalgic song. I don’t think I’ve ever sung this live. Let me give it a try. Actually I don’t remember if I have sung it or not. I forgot. I can try. - /misses the timing/ LYN: The mic just broke. There was just a little problem with it. Excuse me. It’ll be good in a sec. Let me make adjustments. Sorry. Yeah, the stream froze. - /water asmr/ LYN: Let me try that again. Apologies. - /Daimi starts barking & growling/ LYN: ?!? LYN: She’s trying to steal my limelight. /sigh/ - /walnut asmr/ LYN: Is the sound of them loud? D: /growl/ LYN: Shush! -- 一生有多远 (How Long is a Lifetime) - The Curious Tale of Mr. Guo LYN: Sorry- I’m not really familiar with this song. I’ve already forgotten it; it’s been too long. Next time I’ll learn it properly and sing it for you. Sorry. /keeps apologizing/ C: It froze! LYN: It didn’t freeze, I just forgot how to sing it. It’s been way too long! And I haven’t ever sung it. Sorry.

LYN: Let me see what else I have… what other OSTs. /types in “OST”/ Oops. I meant to type “LYN”. /sigh/ - 专属蓝天 (Always Be With You) - Dance of the Storm OST - 烟火星辰 (Fireworks and Stars) - You Are My Glory OST LYN: This will do. - /narrates/ -- 莫问前程 (Don’t Ask About the Future) - White Cat Legend OST LYN: Thank you. How awesome is this song?!

C: 向死而生 (Live to Die) LYN: I don’t think I can sing it live. I’d have to be in really great condition to be able to pull it off. When I finish singing that song I “want to die”. (向死 (towards death) vs 想死 (thinking of death) - homophonic joke) I really like the song, I really do. But it kind of makes me “want to die” when I sing it. Let me see… How about I give it a try? -- 向死而生 (Live to Die) - Burning Flames OST - /cracks at the chorus/ /clears his throat/ LYN: The mic broke a little just now. It’s super unstable. Let me try again. -- 向死而生 (Live to Die) - Burning Flames OST [take 2] - /pulls off the chorus this time/ /clicks his tongue/ /finishes up with minimal difficulty/

C: Let’s chat. LYN: /nods/ Ok.

-----------

bgm: Fall in Love

LYN: I want to thank everyone who is watching my stream right now. If at this moment you have not subscribed to my weibo, please do so. Thank you. I know many of you might be watching my stream for the first time. It’s nothing special and there’s no particular uniform. I just come when I have some time and chat with my fans, sing a few songs, and help everyone relax a little. That’s all.

C: How do I send presents? LYN: My presents are closed, here. This stream is a benefit for you all. You don’t need to spend a dime for it. But I hope that one day when I have a concert, you have enough money to buy a ticket and see me live. Okay? Thank you.

C: Ning-ge, when will you start filming? LYN: I start tomorrow, but I don’t know when the official “start” date is. I’m not sure because I don’t really care about that type of thing. As an actor, all I need to do is work on pulling off my scenes well. As for promotion… /trails off/

C: When you were being interviewed didn’t you tell us “Just you wait” because you were going to scare us? LYN: I wanted to at first, but I thought about it and decided to forget it. I thought about scaring you by telling you I was going to stream tonight, and then not streaming. Do you think that type of scare is big or not?

C: Why didn’t you sing this song on Hello Saturday? LYN: Right- because I needed to sing a song with a “beverage” in the lyrics, right? “Whiskey and ice, my music and you.” You’re right. I didn’t think of it. There were too many songs, I couldn’t react quickly enough. 

LYN: The thing I like about streaming on weibo is that it is always upgrading with new functions. Many of you have the special effects, when you type. You can also turn the special effects off, so it won’t affect your typing. In the menu, you can select to turn off the special effects.

C: Ning-ge, will  KSTLB still have a press conference? LYN: The Truth… press conference… we recorded it already, that day. There are spoilers online, aren’t there? Of us wearing school uniform-style? That’s the press conference and it will probably be aired later. I don’t know. I’m sure it will at some point. The program prepared a huge amount of content. Other than the main episodes, we recorded a lot of… other stuff.

bgm: 万物盛开法则 (The Law of Everything in Bloom) - Da Zhangwei

C: Is  KSTLB2 scary? LYN: It’s terrifying. But I was not afraid. This time around I show a very manly side to myself. I’m more firm this time, because I’ve already seen through all of the program’s tricks. LYN: I was only scared into crying, is all. LYN: It’s okay. You can watch when it comes out. It’s quite fun.

C: Lao-da, please I’m begging you to flip me. LYN: I’ve flipped you.

C: Tell me, is Reba really beautiful in person? LYN: /laughing/ Why are you spamming that? There’s really no meaning in you doing that. There’s no point. Other than someone who’s “250” (a fool or someone who doesn’t take things seriously) like me, no one else would dare to respond. LYN: The way I see it, if you only think of a girl in terms of “pretty” or “not pretty”, then I think you’re really shallow. Do you understand? My stance is that if you only care about her appearance and not her mind, then you’re a little shallow.

LYN: My hope for KSTLB2 is that- Ive said before that it’s a program that I really like. We had great time shooting the first season. When it aired us cast and viewers had a great time watching. There was a great atmosphere around it. I hope that this time the atmosphere will be equally as good. Because… when you record together for a few days you start to develop this inexplicable group cohesion. I hope that when you’re watching- to my fans, at least- you don’t watch with a competitive eye. You’re not watching to compare who is better looking or smarter than the others- it’s not that type of show. We’re watching for entertainment, and relaxation is the key. If you’re watching with any intentions in mind, you won’t be able to “see” anything. 

C: You look a little like LYN. LYN: Really? I get that a lot. 

C: Did you have fun playing with water on Hello Saturday? LYN: It was quite fun, actually! Last time I went to Changsha I had the time to shoot two episodes. The crew is really great. If there’s any ever plans for fun content for the show, they will contact my studio to see if I have time and am interested in going to play. We’re having fun. I’m pretty close with the group, too. Before, I was always in the drama crew and didn’t dare to go. But this time I happened to have two day’s worth of time, so I asked them how many episodes they were planning to record for. They told me they were recording two episodes, so I asked if I could do both. I was going to be in Changsha anyway, so if I could record two eps in the same trip, wouldn’t that be great? They agreed, so I went and got shot with water. It was pretty tiring, though. And I… didn’t come out of it uninjured. I was pummeled. LYN: You saw the episode the other day, right? The part when we needed to grab the flowers off a player’s back? I was able to grab it and then fell to my knees, right? And then I started heading for the goal- C: Face breaks. (when he was intercepted and scooped up by Yu Yang) LYN: No, not the face break. It doesn’t have to do with that. I was on my knees and the pants- they’re like exercise pants- they rubbed off a layer of skin on my knee. When I went to Disney later my knee hurt. It straight removed a layer of my skin. It’s okay now, though. /shows us his knee/ It was fierce. I gave it my all. LYN: I thought it was a lot of fun, though. I used the time to relax. It’s nice to be able to record for a show and have fun doing it. The guests were all great and we had fun playing together. C: In the end the flower was stolen by someone else. LYN: It’s okay. I’m really just gong there to have fun. Some variety shows are like a vacation for me. I don’t consider them as work. Hello Saturday is one of them- I only go to play.

C: What’s the scar on your left hand? LYN: Huh? There’s no scar. What scar on my hand? I don’t have one. Do you really think I’m so fierce? I used to have a nickname called “Knife Scar Liu”. /laughs/ I am the “Boy with Knife Scars”- I have scars from knives on my hands. Super fierce.

C: /commenting it’s their b-day/ LYN: Is someone celebrating their birthday today? What a coincidence. Since it’s your birthday and I’m streaming, I’ll wish you a Happy Birthday. Okay? Happy Birthday~ 

C: It’s my 13th marriage anniversary, and I hope to get your blessing. LYN: You have my blessings! I’m jealous that you have such a happy marriage. 13 years today, is it? Then, I’ll gift a song about love to you. What’s a good song to celebrate your 13th marriage anniversary with? And don’t you joke with me, saying 分手快樂 (Happy Breakup). A proper song. Something that wishes people health and happiness. Is there any song like that? C: The Song of Tui Town (KSTLB S2 Theme) -- The Song of Tui Town

LYN: Not that! I was just kidding. What song is there? C: 甜蜜蜜 (Sweet on You) LYN: … C: 给你给我 (Give You, Give Me) LYN: Alright, let’s do it. All of his songs are on the other platform. I’ll give it to you and open it up… LYN: Let me find the lyrics. I just wanted to try, to see if I could sing it in this key. // There are no lyrics, here. It’s okay- let me look them up on my phone. LYN: This is for the friend who is celebrating their 13th year marriage anniversary, and for all of you who are celebrating your 10th year marriage anniversaries. I hope your marriages are all full of happiness and fulfillment. I’m happy that you’re able to be together. -- 给你给我 (Give You, Give Me) by Mao Buyi LYN: That’s about enough. But since I’ve opened this app I might as well look at what other songs I can sing.

LYN: Okay, forget it. They don’t have it. That’s enough, I guess. I couldn’t find it. C: 愿光 (Wish Light) LYN: Oh yeah. Well, since I have this app open, I might as well look it up. LYN: There’s no track for it. There’s really no track for it. - /hums along instead/ -- 愿光 (Wish Light) - The Legend of Anle OST

----------- Break #2 (the neighbors are fighting) bgm: 如果爱还记得 (If Love Still Remembers) - Wonderland of Love OST

C: What is the story of SJYM about? LYN: I don’t know. I’m not even in that drama. I told you last time, didn’t I? The account followed me because they want me to sing the OST. How would I know what the story is about? I’m not qualified to look at the script. C: Didn’t you accept the OST? LYN: Yeah, but do I need to read the script to find out the story in order to sing it? You must be joking. Do you think there are no rules in this industry? C: Ning-ge, you lied. You’ll gain 10kg. LYN: I didn’t lie. How would I know what the story is about?

bgm: 黑夜一束光 (Praying)

LYN: Maybe it’s because we had made a prior agreement, that they would let me go cameo in a role. We’ve worked together before, so maybe I could cameo for them. The agreement was a song and a cameo. I agreed and told them that if I had more time, I could cameo in more than just a few scenes. I could show my face and it’d count  as another project with them.  

C: What are you doing tomorrow? LYN: … I’ll be filming with a drama crew tomorrow. I have my own scenes to do. We start filming tomorrow and I’ll have to log off later and do my homework. I’ll be starting in my new crew tomorrow. What about it? C: What drama is it? LYN: It’s a secret right now, I can’t tell you. The project is too large-scale. I need to keep it secret. LYN: Fine, I’ll tell you. It’s called- Rebirth: I am an Alien. Its a scifi drama. Ill be joining it tomorrow.

LYN: Some of you have been asking about “Chang Ling” since I’ve started streaming. I’ve never heard of it. It’s not that I’ve bever heard OF it, but just that I haven’t heard from my studio that this project has ever looked into me. Maybe they were looking for someone else, and you’ve misremembered? I haven’t heard of this project coming in.

-----

C: Lao-da, are you not off on 5/1? LYN: Ever since I started working, I’ve never known what it is to have a “holiday.” I used to be in the bar singing and and in a restaurant as a waiter. Back in those days these holidays are the days I was the busiest. Dadong is a tourist city, too. So when I was a waiter back then it was my busiest times of the year. I’ve never had a job with consistent holidays like that. C: Did they give you 3x salary? LYN: No, we didn’t get any bonus pay. You don’t see that very much in the service industry… or, I don’t now- maybe because my city was smaller. There was never any 3x salary on holidays. I’ve never heard of it.

C: Have you had 五险一金 (five types of insurance and housing provident fund)? LYN: Never. I’ve never worked in any official enterprise. I was working in restaurants and bars- there’s usually no guarantee and you don’t sign any contracts. It’s just a verbal agreement of work. Usually, like when you go to work- - D: /starts barking/ LYN: Shush! D: /growling that sounds like an engine revving/ LYN: Are you pretending to be a motorcycle?? Are you getting ready to take off? - LYN: - I’d never been in any standard job. Many of you are in college now, right? All of you who are in college or grad school will likely move on to work in a company, and those places will have the insurance and standard pay. People in the servie industry don’t have that. Most of the time we’re in verbal agreements with no official contracts. They’re afraid of you walking out or stealing a piece of rib. This is why most places will make you give a deposit. For example if you get 1200rmb for the first month, they’ll keep 800 and let you take home 400. When you want to quit, theyll return that deposit to you. When you want to quit you have to let them know one month in advance so they can find another worker, and then they’ll return the deposit to you.

C: They keep more than half of your month’s salary? LYN: Just about. C: It should be regulated now, right? LYN: I doubt it. I don’t think it’s totally unregulated, but- not like I understand it very well. When I was in the bar a few years ago, it was still like that. That’s just the way the industry is. It’s not very formal to begin with. There are no contracts, just agreements. There’s a high turnover.

C: Ning-ge, did you ever want a 9a-5p job? LYN: I don’t know. I think it’s more stable for sure, but ever since I was little I wanted to be a celebrity. So I probably decided early on that there was no way that I’d be in a 9a-5p job at some company. You all know that I’m not very highly educated, either. After high school I went straight to culinary school to learn how to be a cook. Of course, a lot of people use my education to ridicule me, saying “LYN is uneducated.” That’s why I admit to it. I’m jealous of those of you who are good at school. Many of you are in college or graduate school, learning to become doctors and professors. I’m happy for you and jealous of you. You’re all very great, so keep doing well in school. I’m sure that you’ll be doing even better than I am in the future. LYN: If you really wanted me to work 9a-5p, I don’t think I would be used to it. I have a break out personality. (does not want to be constrained)

C: Making something you like into your job is the greatest thing. LYN: It’s fun at first. Um… everyone has their own difficulties. No matter what industry you’re in, what you’re doing, or what position you hold, everyone has their own hardships. It’s just that the hardships are not all the same thing. For example, I like to sing. After I made singing into my profession, there were bound to be things I didn’t want to do. You’ll find out that things aren’t as nice as you thought they would be. Taking something you like and turning it into your job to be able to make a living IS a happy thing. But once you actually start doing it you’ll find that it’s not as happy as you thought it would be. You’ll start to feel like you’re losing something you once enjoyed. 

bgm: 我只愿朝着光 ( I Only Wish to Face the Light) - BYOL OST

C: Lao-da, I hope that you are happy. LYN: I am very happy. I’m very happy now. I’m very happy. I’m not unhappy. I’m very happy. Right now I’m… extremely happy. - [t/n: why does it sound like he’s trying to make himself believe it??] LYN: Why wouldn’t I be happy? What right do I have not to be? I have so many people who like and indulge me. I have work and people who support me. Why wouldn’t I be happy? There’s not reason to not be. Really! The reason is because “happy” or “not happy” are not important to me anymore.

C: What is important? LYN: What’s important? Of course, there are things that are important to me. That is… Wow, forget it. Do we have to talk about such deep topics?? I don’t want to. Let’s not go there. I don’t want to talk about it. Weibo is a public platform. If I speak too much on it people will say that I’m pretentious. No one will think I’m being transparent or whatever. They’ll only think I’m being pretentious. What’s there to say? Everyone has it hard. No- it’s not hard on me. Everyone has their own way of living and their own life. Our experiences are not the same. There’s no way to have empathy, so I don’t see the need to share too much. It’s all okay.

-----

C: When you were recording for KSTLB, did you have nightmares? LYN: No. It’s actually not that scary! I already told you I wasn’t afraid. Honestly! I wasn’t afraid. Not one bit.

LYN: There are more people in the comments saying, “Lao-da, I hope that you are happy.” I’ve never presented myself as a weak/vulnerable little boy, have I? I don’t need it. I’m already a man who’s into his thirties. I don’t need you to comfort me. I can get by on my own. LYN: There’s nothing wrong with me! I don’t know why, all of a sudden, the mood has taken this turn. You’re making it seem like I’m very sad right now. I’m not! I’m very happy!! If I dropped off the trending topics, I would be sad. Have I dropped? Have I dropped off the trending topic ranking, friends? Am I still there? If I am, then I won’t be sad. If I’ve dropped, then I’ll cry right away. C: You dropped. LYN: /sobs/

C: Lao-da, I want to see you act as a dominating CEO. LYN: Dominating CEO? ~ You mean to say, that you wish to see my shoulders carry a whole business empire? Alright, no problem. I want to know who the girl that posed this comment is. Get me all her information within three minutes. ~ ~ Later you can find my butler to discuss the details of our collaboration. Remember- this isn’t a discussion. It’s a notification. ~ C: That’s so greasy. LYN: How was that greasy? Aren’t they all like that??

C: I want to be the butler. LYN: ~ You wish. ~

C: Dominating CEOs themselves are greasy. LYN: That’s bs. How are they greasy? Aren’t the really popular dramas lately of the dominating CEO variety? Maybe I was overexaggerating a little bit in my demonstration. That’s the type of performance you’d see in mini dramas. But honestly… aren’t all the characters in dramas right now the dominating CEO type? They’re just not modern drama CEOs, but historical drama CEOs instead. Right? In guzhuang dramas there are the kings or whatever- aren’t they all the dominating CEO? It’s all the same, we’ve just changed the identity. The model is all the same. The guy who would rather fail the world than fail this one girl. Isn’t that the dominating CEO’s M.O? LYN: ~ Look. Ahead of you are the lands I’ve won for you. From now on, you will be my only empress. If anyone dares to touch you, I’ll have them beheaded in front of the masses. ~ LYN: Aren’t guzhuang dominating CEOs like that? It’s all the same! LYN: ~ Look. This is a hall I’ve purchased for you. You can go in and take whatever you want from any of the shops inside. ~ LYN: It’s all the same, isn’t it? Your dominating ceo is just showing up with a different identity in a guzhaung drama, is all. // A lot of warlords are the dominating ceo type. So when you tell me to act as one, I actually already have. 

C: Then, how would an alien dominating ceo act? LYN: /laughs/ Ohh, is that how it is? I was telling you that tomorrow I’ll be starting a new crew, for a drama called Rebith: I Am an Alien. How does an alien dominating ceo act? Hmm… LYN: ~ You want the Earth? Okay. I’ll take down the Earth for you. From today on, you are the lord of this planet. ~ LYN: ~ What was that? You want the Sun? Alright. I’ll order my army to move the sun over for you. ~ LYN: It’s the same. The content of the dialogue changes, but the status and aura doesn’t change.

LYN: It’s about time. I should log off early today. I’ll chat a little longer, then leave. I need to shower and then do homework for tomorrow. I’ll really be starting to film tomorow. Rebirth: I Am an Alien. I hope that when this drama airs- Since I’m just starting filming tomorrow and it’ll take about four months, so if you’re new to my stream, just passing by, or maybe you came in because of the trending topic, I hope you can subscribe to my weibo. Okay? Thank you, everyone. Tomorrow I’ll start filming for a drama called Rebirth: I Am an Alien. I hope that when it airs, you can support my drama. Okay? Now I’d like to sing a song for all the people who are watching my stream for the first time today. This song is especially for the first-time viewers, okay? Um… what should I sing? -- /tries to play 刀剑如梦/ LYN: There’s actually no track for this song. Oh my goodness. - /looking for a suitable track/ LYN: Let me pull RJL’s version, then. -- 刀剑如梦 (A Life of Fighting is But a Dream) LYN: Sorry- I didn’t get the beat right. And I don’t have any props. Let me bring my sword and it’ll have more of the right feel. Wait for me a sec. -- 刀剑如梦 (A Life of Fighting is But a Dream) [take 2] - /misses the timing to start bc he was playing with the sword XD/ - /LYN: Why is this interlude so long??/ - /EDM remix???/ LYN: I didn’t think the arrangement would be like this.

LYN: Anyways, sorry. It was a gift for new friends but it was a little rough. Let me switch to something else. What’s another song that’s very jianghu-esque? Is there any? 走天涯 (Zou Tian Ya)? 让酒 (Rang Jiu). Let’s not do Rang Jiu. 剑魂 (Soul of the Sword)... there’s probably no track for that. -- 剑魂 (Soul of the Sword) [jaunty ver.] LYN: When I sing this song It’s like I’m self-helping my back problems. If you are experiencing shoulder discomfort you can exercise it with this song. It’s great.

LYN: What other song has that feeling of the jianghu? Let me look up something from my Qi-ge. (死不了/天涯). Hey wait- why do I want to move my shoulders to every song I hear? See, this works too! It works. This has already become one of my- C: 寻一个你 (Finding You) LYN: Who sang that? /looks it up/ Oh, WHD’s song. XD -- 寻一个你 (Finding You) - Love Between Fairy and Devil OST LYN: /sigh/ That’s about enough. So if you haven’t subscribed to my weibo yet, please do so.

C: Why did you stop moving your shoulders? LYN: I started sweating. D: Friends, I really think that move has a practical function. So if you’ve got nothing to do, you can practice it. It could help straighten your spine. Or... flex your joints, or something to that effect. 

C: I hope the filming for your new drama all goes smoothly. LYN: Okay, no problem. It’s alright this time, because I’m acting as an alien. I’ll be wearing an alien’s grey skin most of the time. You pretty much won’t be able to see my face, in this drama. I’ll wear a suit. The directors chose me mostly for my height. After they add something to my shoes I’ll be more than 2m tall and I’ll look even less like something from this Earth. 

C: I look forward to your alien. LYN: Okay. You can. No problem. Don’t worry. C: Does the alien talk? LYN: I have lines. Because normally when aliens talk to you, they’ll translate it to Earth language. So I’ll be speaking Chinese like normal. LYN: ~ You foolish Earthlings! ~ C: Standard Mandarin? LYN: No, with a Northeastern accent. LYN: ~ You dumb Earthlings. I’m your alien overlord. ~ C: Does the alien have emotional scenes? LYN: Um… yes. Think about it- for a story about aliens, if you ONLY talk about aliens there’s no way you can shoot a 40 episode drama. You’d never make it. There have to be emotional scenes. Maybe he’s just wearing the shell of an alien to fall in love. A lot of dramas do that, don’t they? This one is the same. The alien and scifi aspect of it is just to draw in an audience. Mainly it’s a love story between a man and a woman.

C: Will you be alive in the end? LYN: Maybe not. Friends, it’s like this: for roles that I’ve played, you can- From the moment I started acting until now, of the roles I’ve played…staying alive was an accident/unexpected. For roles that I play, as long as they’re alive, the reaction should be, “OMG, he’s alive! He didn’t die!!” I’m sure you’d be surprised. But for most of the roles that I’ve played the death rate is extremely high. Very high. Maybe I didn’t have a good start. The very first drama I ever shot- I died. C: Jiang Junhao in BYOL didn’t die. LYN: You want me to die in a slice-of-life drama, too?? That’d be too cruel. I meant in guzhuang dramas. In those, my death rate is about 80%. In 10 roles, 8 of them die. 

bgm: 热辣滚烫 (YOLO) - YOLO Movie OST

LYN: Alright, it’s about time. Thank you for your company and support. Tomorrow I’ll be entering into my new drama crew. I hope you have a fun 5/1 break, okay? Thanks for keeping me company and for your support. It was great to have you tonight and I hope you enjoyed it. Let’s meet again in the next stream, okay? Even though I don’t know when the next time I stream will be! LYN: Goodnight, everyone!