#I am actually sobbing typing this
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GUESS WHO JUST HAD THEIR FIRST WLW TRAUMA RELATIONSHIP CHAT
#wlw#wlw post#/srs#/hj but also /srs#i'm not okay#I am actually sobbing typing this#this has crushed me#I will not be ok for the next few months#years even#god this hurts#help#lgbtq#lgbtqia
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I made all three of my besties do the ISAT quiz
They. They ALL got Isabeau while I got Siffrin
I can't I actually can't
#pixies rambles#i have a type of bestie apparently#</3#in stars and time#isat#I CANT IM ACTUALLY SOBBING RN#this quiz called me out not just woth who i am but who my besties are-
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HI JESPER, here's the Talbot portrait. I'm obsessed with side profiles so I hope you don't mind. I also hope you had a good vacation!! ^^
CRYING omg it looks so good
honestly i admire your ability to do side portraits so well, i really struggle with them askdh
really though this is so cute i love it
#tag-if#the advisor's game#twine wip#ro; t. bellefleur#worthy tributes <3#the frog pond#sobbing#violent sobbing in fact#the colours are so >>>>>#i am genuinely in love with your artstyle actually i've decided#my poor partner has to deal with me just going “look!! look at this!!”#he's so confused bless#also jester lore jumpscare#let me tell y'all that little marin thing was Not my best work#trust#i can actually draw i swear#i say like i'm not planning on doing some portrait type things askjdh#anyway#this? this is amazing#bellefleurs have both been done justice#they have been made so pretty
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Listen, i love a good self-sacrifice like any other bitch out there
but nothing, and i mean NOTHING hits as good as a character realising they want to live now
#i am sooooo normal about this#(crying sobbing and chewing bricks)#kim dokja#kdj#orv#orv spoilers#omniscient reader's viewpoint#chapter 419#<this is where im at now not when that screenshot was taken#i think it was chapter 408 or smthg but im not sure#aiden originals#am i queuing this right#first time with this type of plot was robin in one piece#and i cried about it for a momth#(i was heavily suicidal so it hit much harder)#and now i actually wouldnt mind living a bit more#so it resonates in a whole new way
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Brain: You will not buy another 8 versions of the Kyoshi and Yangchen novels! You will be kind to your wallet you will- Brain: ..... Brain: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ALREADY CHECKED OUT?!
#my wallet craves for peace but all I give it is murder and violence~!#this was typed out before I found the novels at that 2nd hand store jkfdsjalfkdjf#i have versions I'm missing don't look at me#silly talks#I carnally need the B&N editions of RoK/SoK/DoY ok??????? *sob*#they have STUFF in them. stuff I DESIRE!#(I already have the B&N editions of LoY and RoR....tho I should've returned the fucking latter cause I hate that book so much TT0TT)#me: *keeping an eye out for someone just selling the damn BOX for the 4 pack Kyo/YC bundle*#I don't need the books in that 4 pack but I would very much like the box ;^;#we're making amazing financial decisions up in here~! <3#(it actually wasn't that bad of a hit but still TT0TT)#me every time I see the paper back versions of RoK/SoK in a damn store: I am lustful#I need NATLA to release an artbook on the NATLA version of ATLA so I can snort the possible 3 lines they'll have bout Kyoshi#'silly you sound more unhinged than usual' i just did a 5 hour overnight drive and haven't slept all night. if you need a reason u_u#i will hopefully return to a more normal state after I take a nap today#narrator: she will not
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hi tumblr im pyrr pyrriax and im in my trimonthly artist arc, lord help me and all the projects that are currently sitting in my drafts while i am lured in by the siren song of drawing
#haunted ecosystem#this is not helping with how much my hands hurt on a daily basis this is why i type and dont handwrite/draw very much.#im lured in regardless and i really need to find an artform that doesnt Hurt but for now. digital art <3#like theres a difference between my dumb doodles (quick easy not much different from regular computer usage) and actual art#but im an artist at heart i spent sooooo long being an artist and thinking i was shit at writing. that is wrong! im actually kinda good#im rambling in tags today because i have been not social (my partner is in genshin hell and my beloved is. somewhere.)#okay but on another note i reread the first. couple chapters of wtds this morning? the pacing is a little weird and the tense is fucked#but its actually a lot better than i thought it was? you can tell i was fleshing everybody out in my head and i totally forgot about how#i described the watcher [who i am STILL redacting the name of until we get there] and just. ough. pandora being very logical#and then jumping to the latest chapter and fucking sobbing because i forgot about how it went and just. pandora and his.#whatever the fuck is wrong with him.#i have gotta start recommending people read that again. its surprisingly friendly without context because of how i approached it#that fic has taught me so many things its actually a little comical. it also made me relearn how to make and write ocs so thats fun#once i finish that main fic (and i WILL i am actually planning to sign up for a thing. im finishing it i swear.) i finally get to show off#more of the world and characters ive crafted. showing backstories and what-ifs and all these oneshots ive been keeping close to my chest#for like absolutely ages because i dont want any spoilers on my tumblr#and. im finishing that fic in pseudo-memoriam of somebody who deleted their accounts everywhere. still miss you dane!#ok this has completely gone off topic ily tumblr im going back to drawing and i might make a new pfp#it'll still be lavius but it'll be fray lavius since i think about him a lot and i like his color palette.
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skipping class but staying on campus to do work for. another class. bc i said i'd have it done before friday bc i'm scared of telling profs no so now i have to read all of robinson crusoe this weekend and watch the nbc pilot of the crusoe series on top of finishing the 2 late essays bc i deluded myself into believing i have a chance of finishing this annotated bibliography in 2 hours. without half the books i'm citing. tee hee <3
#if anyone knows anything about anything hit me up 🫶🙌☝️#also one of my sources is essentially just synthesizing all of my other sources with So Little original commentary bc it was originally a#dissertation that got published as a book but i need to use it bc it's the only source of its type i could find and my prof has a checklist#-_-#and she said that if i explain why it's so late i can maybe get an extension of my extension but how do i tell her that i'm sick and burnt#out and got locked out of my room for 24 hours and am depressed and haven't been sleeping or eating well and i miss my friends and having a#library to work in and my antidepressants have taken away my ability to have my quarterly sobbing dry heaving breakdown that i rely to give#me the adrenaline boost and catharsis and clarity to actually lock in and force myself to finish big scary assignments#i can probably tell her about the sickness and the room thing but truly i'm just overwhelmed and not coping and that doesn't feel like a#real reason (bc i'm depressed)#i need to knock myself out at like 10:30 tonight so i can wake up at like 7 tomorrow and work somewhere that isn't my house but i have#rehearsal until 10 amd i need to shower before i actually have a freak out that no one finds endearing or relatable#i think the shower might be a big part of the brain fog . who could've seen this coming.........#i meant to shower last night but i was too busy reading 50 shades of grey and mists of avalon (both for class) and i was up until like 5#god i need to sleep. tomorrow will be better#if you see me on here past like 11:30 please yell at me to go to bed i've lost the ability to stop my self-destructive habits#that was super tmi . sowwy gang#a post
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writing this little fic so slowly bc i am actually actively falling asleep rn but ohhh i want to have it written.... i am full of love for him and i must make sure he knows it....
#i think i am going to have to stop though bc i dont want to fall asleep without putting pkmn sleep on HFDSJKL#my sister is having a bday party in the room across the hallway from my bedroom though#so its like. loud. but i am so exhausted from the past... well. a lot of things. fjsdkl. that i am somehow falling asleep anyways#(she has to have it in that room bc otherwise it keeps my parents up. but now it keeps me up instead. cries. im not allowed to complain tho#im so tired 😭😭😭 but oughhh i want to write this fic... its so soft and sweet....#okay i do think i am actually going to fall asleep with my phone in my hands as i type though so i guess i will just have to stop here#SOBS. i will continue it tomorrow but aheemheem whimper FSDJKL i hope i have this same motivation for it tomorrow#dandy.cmd
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Double checking all my reblogs to make sure I didn't accidentally just tag everything twst as usual 😔
#I reflexively started typing twst in the tags for Every Single One#sobs sobsob I just caught up to the manga I. cannot handle it.#WHY DOES SNAKE LOOK SO MUCH LIKE SILVER IT IS MAKING THIS SO MUCH HARDER#he even has the cowlick antenna 😭#I am not immune to boy who cannot emote or communicate for himself !!!#he can't even introduce himself without using his snakes to do it 😭#felix once again loses his mind over guy that reminds him over mr silver twisted wonderland vanrouge#aughouggaggdhhhh whahh#I saw him get stabbed and I was expecting it to be another character almost dying and miraculously being saved#but the grim reaper guy I forgot his name announcing his death !!!! I LOST MY MIND#why do they always have to say no additional notes like Are You Not Even Going To Address The Fact That He Is A Snake Man#after all this time I don't even get to know if his dad is actually a snake and WHAT FOR#I am going to CRUMBLE INTO A PILE OF DUST#anyway I love emily and keats and goathe and wordsworth and wilde and oscar and bronte and don and#AND SNAKE 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭#black butler spoilers
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don’t mind me just actually sobbing about potroastsmom and faucet and coupon
#my friend texted me that she posted an uodate abt coupon but i only just watched it#and i am sobbing again#like actually sobbing as i type this
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SOBBING.,
#rocking baxck and forth full on just sobbing as hard as a human xcan possibly sob.#I ALSO AM NOT USED TO TYPING WITH ASNN ACTUALL KEYBOARD IF YOU CANNOT TELL BUT ALSO the anxciety attack is dtill hauntng me and my soul.#and by actual keybpoadrd o eman like. not the one on a tbalet. like the one for a fesktop. i csn hardly use thesde help.#꒰ঌ♡ 𝟽𝟽𝟽.ramble
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ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.
#purrs#delete later#idk. i typed a bunch here and then deleted it and now idk what to say. i just feel so lonely. i have had fucked up relationships with every#single older adult in my life and never had someone who could a) stay in my life b) be consistently present in my life c) meet my emotional#needs d) actually See me and accept me for who i am. Like not one person who can be all four of those things. and i have to be all four of t#those things for myself now because im 24 and i missed my chance. but how fucking shitty and painful is that? especially after a year like t#this. the way it’s literally ending the SAME way last year did. huge scary promotion (which i haven’t even talked about on here or to anyone#but lia today actually. but it might be huger and scarier than i thought. which is good but also HUGE -‘d scary. and not a bad thing of bc o#course but it’s so fucking… perilous? like it makes me feel profoundly imperiled because i have extremely good reason to feel that way. and#i have to endure the mortifying ordeal of applying for my own job AGAIN after the first time was so horrible. lol) and also losing a beloved#mentor figure who understood me in a way no one else did which mattered immensely even if they couldn’t do the whole presence thing or#whatever. and now i only have one older adult in my life left (aside from my therapist who doesn’t really count bc i only see her once a#week and we barely know each other still) who is like. here and helping me and i KNOW i am so sick in the head i KNOW and i should not be#writing it but every single day i am fucking terrified that i am being or will be separated from him emotionally or physically jsut like all#the others so. LOL!!!!! i am normal and well adjusted. but it’s like so fucking painful because im grasping at straws but again the reality#is im 24 and the only people on this earth who it is fair for me to expect all 4 from and who should’ve provided it to me are my parents.#and i missed my chance with them forever and now i have to do it myself. and that’s ok sometimes and i can handle it… except in the moments#where im sobbing hysterically and everything carries on. when i am in my darkest moments i want to run to an older adult and have them#comfort me but i truly cannot do that with any of the ones i still have left / regularly interact with for so many reasons. and it’s so#painful it makes me sick sometimes. and now i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see in this world. but how can i do that when i#haven’t finished grieving over them leaving which feels like leaving ME — NOW — in this moment when i have never needed more support of that#kind more. how can isummon it within myself. im not ready yet. i need a long hug and a hand to hold that won’t (have to) let go. when im#crying i need someone to take me somewhere and comfort me and calm me down. and im 24 so i can’t ask for it. but oh my god i need it. and i#missed my chance. and lia left today and she only ever did that for me metaphorically but… tonight i feel more alone than ever.#and it’s like i don’t even have the emotional intelligence or whatever to ASK for that. bc im playing by ear and i don’t know how to read#the music of it. im self taught. that fucking sucks. that SUCKSSS. also that’s too strong a way to put it liek obviously my friends who are#closer to my age are INTEGRAL to me being able to function and i learn from them and cherish their support. but just like i can’t be a mom#to me my friends can’t either. so it’s like what the fuck do i do. get steamrolled by relentless grief and rage every day i guess.#also side note. everything carried on when i was in brighton too. i came home early ofc but it’s like nothing changed in my absence. and#that has fucked me up SUPREMELY. i think that might be a root of it. like hm… it seems my presence doesn’t have impacts. but idk
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i made up a sona challenge
so i got the amazing idea of making "nature sonas". which is just a sona for each type of animals, not like for every species, more like for whatever these are called- (avian, reptiles, mammals, aquatic, insectoid, parasites etc. maybe plant or magical for the people who would like it)
and a lil extra part is that like u measure how much animal it is compared to a human, example would be like avian could range from a normal chicken to a human-ish harpy. yeah that but for all the sonas :D
but then again its up to yall just go wild‼️‼️
do whatever you want‼️‼️
yayyy👹🤩🤩🥳 i made a tag for it 😔
#animal sona types challenge#i was bored#sona#sona ideas#i made this in my american history class while learning about the end of ww1#guys how do i use tumblr#i feel like i need more actual tags#am i doing this right?#sobs and cries#tell me if i need more tags waghhhh#reblog this so i can see the art arghhhhhhh👹
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just realized the new title is from a frozen 2 song but im too lazy to scour my spotify for something better
#OH MYBGOD WAIT NO#THE ELSA X GOJO SHIPS ARE GETTING IN MY HEAD#im actually going to#i don even know#side note im actually so embarrassed over the previous post fjsjdjsjds.#like thats actually embarrassing#😞😞😖#anyways.#im really hungry but its literally 1 am and im not getting up rn#*sobs into hands*#my eyes are fluttering shut as i type this
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still very much obsessed with the ost from the new desert region in sumeru
#genshin can be criticised on so many things but their music? slaps#genshin's soundtrack is literally amazing some of their songs are brilliantly executed#the sumeru ost especially is just so beautiful#still not over the way they incorporated so many traditional instruments from the actual places the region is inspired in and how they#blended so effortlessly with the more traditional orchestra sounds#but i have been extra head over heals for the songs in the new desert expansion region#you know a song is good when you go to the area in game it plays just so you can hear it one more time#it's also about the contrast#the intensity and frightening aura of dunes of steel the almost crying and sadness of safhe shatranj#the peacefulness of the sands of al-azif the devastating way hope is so quickly expressed and then taken away in#memories of the eternal oasis...#SO GOOD#orchard of pairidaeza: the eternal oasis is so beautiful it makes want to sob#like. there's not a bad track!!!!!#anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk on sumeru: desert of hadramaveth ost agsjsh#it's just a genshin ost type of morning i guess i will go back to searching for the mop now#that's what i was supposed to be doing cause i need to mop the floor bye#if you see me rebloging stuff after this no you didn't 👀 i am literally moping the floor rn what are you on about shkwhsjsjsk
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Me successfully creating THE kaveh profile hehe
#that reaction pic is me rn fr LOL#Why are TikTok emojis so real like we need more emojis like this 🙁❕#also yea I am currently levelling organic kaveh hehe I stopped trying to level him after a while but I’m back on business !#ALSO LAWRD !!! That achievement card is genuinely so beautiful I had kaveh as the pfp but I changed it to lumine cause her name literally i#my name + her type of blonde matches the namecard + as much as I heart Kaveh I don’t like having male pfps LOL#also yes you are correct if you thought those robots are kaveh and I if we were in another universe#that universe being us as mechs#teehee#also it may take me a couple business days to catch up on things bcos my head hurts and is probably gonna explode soon 🙁 fjwoaka being sick#most (all) of the time is actually making things so difficult sobs ..#BEFORE I FORGET THO ! I got him a five star claymore finally retiring mailflower claymore for that one standard five star claymore I forgot#Its name
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