#I am a puddle now
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pleasedontcareaboutme · 1 month ago
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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intoapuddle · 1 year ago
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please tell me why phil sat his ass down and filmed himself jerking off a seal plushie while shouting "i can get myself further! it's going up! it's reaching the top! yesss"
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suntails · 2 years ago
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the prince’s sword
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2000sanimeop · 1 year ago
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play stranger of paradise
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timothylawrence · 2 years ago
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I think I missed you.
I think I missed you too.
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puddleslimewrites · 1 year ago
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Ok so ive been thinking of a ship dynamic and its polyamory. Hero x Anti-hero x Villain. You can do it however you want! I dont think this is an original idea but ive not seen anyone else do this so far
Oooo that's an intriguing trio
I've never seen this written before either, but I'll give it my best shot. Thank you for the ask! ^-^
~
"Calm down, love."
"They're late."
Villain stopped Hero mid-stride to interrupt their pacing. They took their partner in their arms and gently guided them to the couch to restrain them in a hug. "Anti-Hero is always late. You know them. They'll be home soon." Villain smiled down at Hero sweetly. "And if they aren't, I'll make sure to remind them how to keep track of the time."
Hero sighed, reluctantly relaxing in the hold. "I might want to 'remind' them with you, if you don't mind."
Villain looked down at their partner with a raised brow. "Is that a threat, love? Careful now. That doesn't sound very heroic of you."
"Loving either of you isn't very heroic of me," Hero huffed. "...Do you think they're okay?"
"They better be."
~
By the time the front door clicked open, all the lights were out. Anti-Hero slipped through the entrance as quietly as possible. Which meant their partners heard every attempted tip-toe as they crept past the living room. A shadow fell over them and they froze.
"Back so early?"
Slowly, Anti-Hero turned to face Villain. "Oh. You're still up? You didn't have to wait for me, darling." They chuckled nervously, fingers twitching for the weapon pouch on their hip. They were tired, but if Villain wanted a fight, they'd at least try their best before giving in.
"Darling," Villain repeated with a thin smile on their lips. "Dinner went cold hours ago."
Anti-Hero tensed as Villain stepped closer, but their partner only laid a gentle hand on their arm. "You're hurt, aren't you? Let's get you cleaned up. Hero already has the first-aid kit ready."
Anti-Hero sighed, shoulders sagging in relief until the grip on their forearm tightened. "But don't think we won't be talking about this." The softness in Villain's tone was anything but kind. "Even my schemes have a curfew on date night."
Anti-Hero swallowed and nodded, feeling numb. They were in for a long and exhausting lesson later.
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5mary5 · 5 months ago
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AHHHHHHHHHHH???????
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🥴🥴🥴😵‍💫😵‍💫🫠🫠🫠
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marcelineuntitled · 5 months ago
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i like this one a lot :)))
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sunsetsandsunshine · 5 months ago
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I just got my shit fucking WRECKED by @giggly-cloud…I hope you know u are a very mean and cruel individual. Don’t talk to me /j /lh
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stellewriites · 2 months ago
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ooo u know when just someone’s voice fills you with butterflies?? like let me get a fucking grip
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puddlesofwords · 5 months ago
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The Future is a Foreign Land Meta Analysis
This was super fun for me to put together. Please enjoy.
The Future is a Foreign Land has allusions to lyrics from the Dead Kennedys, classic literature, and Nazi Germany. It has a more punk aesthetic than the other Papa Nihil songs, which are focused primarily on interpersonal relationships, with a heavy dose of the ubiquitous Satanic imagery the band is known for.  Notably, Satanic imagery is virtually absent from the lyrics of TFiaFL, although interpersonal relationships do still play a role.  
So, let’s dig into the lyrics and music to see if they lead us to any ideas about the future of Ghost, or insights into how the concepts presented in this song might influence the band’s identity.  Please note that while I have researched the lore and read several histories of the band, I am fairly new to this fandom.  I am merely following leads I discovered while binge-listening to this song after seeing RHRN.  Which is to say, if any of my ideas run counter to established fandom theory, I apologize in advance. (I edited this to put in a read more... it's been a hot minute since I've used this platform and forgot my etiquette, please forgive me.)
The conceit of TFiaFL is that Papa Nihil wrote it in 1969.  Taking that into account, the year 1984 does track, mathematics-wise.  However, 1984 is a very culturally significant year.  George Orwell’s novel is immediately brought to mind, with all the baggage contained therein - Thought Police, brainwashing, Big Brother and the loss of privacy, and the fact that the main character’s job is to literally rewrite history at an organization called the Ministry of Truth.
Initially, as a US-based listener of the song, I’m jumping on the anti-fascist underpinnings of that allusion.  That line of thought isn’t wrong, per se, but I think there are factors at work that make the allusion much deeper and even more meaningful.
Since 1812 (Or 1834, depending on your source) Sweden had maintained a stance of neutrality.  This neutrality was baked into their identities - to the point that they didn’t declare for either side in World War II, the Cold War, or any other conflict.  On March 7, 2024 (ah, there’s the 2024 from the song!) Sweden joined NATO, foregoing neutrality for the first time in 200 years.  A large step - and one that was supported by 66% of the population.
Now, as someone who lives in the US, I know exactly how much power and influence 34% of the population can wield if it so chooses.  According to poll after poll, 66% of US Americans support all KINDS of initiatives that would actually make living in this country suck a lot less.  But that last 34%... well.  If you’ve followed US American politics at all in the past 8 years, you know what happened when 34% of the population lost its collective mind.  (Yup, that’s the percentage of US Americans that identify, or routinely vote, as Republican. The percentage is nearly identical to that of Democrats, so let’s not get too overwrought about things just yet.)
The interesting thing is, though, that the anti-NATO movement is supported primarily by young people.  Young people worried that joining NATO will militarize their country.  Worried that collective security does not stop conflicts and may exacerbate them.  I can’t deny that I understand where they’re coming from, that political neutrality gives more freedom of choice to the Swedish government about where and how they get involved in European affairs.  Choosing to be a part of NATO may remove some of that freedom of choice.  On the other hand, you end up selling iron ore to Nazis and training Danish troops at your airbases in the same breath, so… neutrality can also lead to hypocrisy.
But Puddles, I hear you cry, what on EARTH does this history lesson have to do with Ghost?
Well, in the absence of sympathies, won’t you hear me out? 
1969.  The year TFiaFL is supposed to have been written.  Height of the Cold War.  Sweden is still neutral - this time out of concern that if they join NATO, the USSR is going to invade them.  A not-improbable concern, given Finnish history of the era.  And closer along the timeline to 1945 than we are to 1969.  What’s the worry stated in the song?  A Brownshirt Stasi guard is knocking on your door.  A Brownshirt is, of course, one of the Sturmabteilung troops of Nazi Germany.  Stasi is a security officer of East Berlin - the Berlin of the Cold War.
Thus, if we take a small leap of logic and use a Sweden-centric worldview:  If Sweden fails to maintain neutrality, if they give up their freedom of choice, then the world falls to fascism.  (This is the first half of the first verse.  I’m sorry.  Moving on.)
Interestingly, the specific lyric ‘It’s 1984, and knocking on your door’ is a callback to the Dead Kennedys song “California Uber Alles” which was then remade by the band after the 1980 election into “We’ve Got a Bigger Problem Now.”
Those two songs studied side-by-side are a fascinating study.  The first is about the fascism of the Left - which IS A THING.  It might seem corny or sarcastic to worry about hippies becoming dictators - but the theft of choice, even if that theft feels like comfort, is still theft.  Forced conformity, even if you agree with the premise, is still fascism.
 The second song is, of course, about how everyone who wasn’t WASPy felt about the election of Reagan.  The rise of the yuppie to replace the hippie.  This is definitely more in line with what is traditionally associated with punk and rock music in general.  (I’m also a fan of the fact that “We’ve Got a Bigger Problem Now” is on an album named ‘In God We Trust’ but I think that’s just coincidence.)
To continue the lyric analysis, the song goes on to reference the Kennedys (which is a nice double-whammy - telling us that the previous line is almost certainly related to the Dead Kennedys songs, but ALSO invoking in the next breath the assassination of both John F. Kennedy and Robert F. Kennedy, which would have been contemporaneous to the storyline release date of TFiaFL, occurring in 1963 and 1968 respectively.)  As an aside, I find it hilarious that ‘the good ones get shot’ is the next lyric because there is currently ANOTHER Kennedy running for president, with the implied meaning that he’s ‘not good’ because he hasn’t been shot.  I don’t think this was intentional, it’s a very minor point in a pretty complex political landscape, but it makes me chuckle.
“For the minute it takes” in the chorus… definitely a reference to nuclear war.  The ensuing firestorm after a nuclear blast will consume a human body within moments, leaving nothing behind.  This is also likely to be a reference to the Doomsday Clock - which is currently sitting at 90 seconds to midnight, the closest it’s ever been to destruction.  Just to give some perspective - the Doomsday Clock was set to 7 minutes to midnight in 1947, right after WWII.  It was 10 minutes to midnight in 1969 and 3 minutes to midnight in 1984.  In 1991, however, the clock had been set back to 17 minutes to midnight, the furthest back it had ever been since its inception.  It has never been set back since.  More esoterically, though, it could be a reference to ts eliot’s poem “The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock.”  The line ‘in a minute there is time/for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.’ If this line is an allusion to the poem (there are other lines in other songs that make me think that ts eliot is likely one of Tobias’s poetic influences, tempered by the medium of lyric creation and music) then we can assume the piece is, indeed, referring to Sister Imperator and Papa Nihil. 
The second verse is a bit more obscure - probably because it’s dealing with an actual future prediction, as 2024 is only about half over as of the time of this writing.  There is hope in this verse, but it’s tinged with irony.  ‘The dark fascist regime might be gone’ is bittersweet - the hope of Papa Nihil looking toward the future and seeing that maybe, just maybe there’s a way to defeat fascism for good and knowing, as we do, that it didn’t come to pass and that fascism is, in fact, on the rise globally is a gut-punch.  
The next two lines are interesting.  They could be referring to Sister Imperator, continuing the subplot of their failed relationship.  They could be speaking to the audience - either in reference to some real-life transgression of the lyricist or of the lore-based transgressions of Papa Nihil. Or, perhaps this is asking to be forgiven for some future slight that will occur later.
I’m not going to lie, the bridge is weird.  It’s simultaneously finishing the thought of the previous verse but ALSO giving heavy-handed “All You Need is Love” vibes a la Beatles in 1967.  None of this is in any way meant as a criticism, however.  The bridge works musically as well as lyrically to pull the disparate lines of thought together into something coherent and hopeful.  Also of a tangential but possibly related note - “Revolution” by the Beatles was released in 1968 on The White Album.  And I can’t think of a more boot-licking rock and roll song ever to be penned.  But this is certainly a digression and probably just my brain leapfrogging onto interesting coincidences. 
Ok, fine, the song has some deep roots, but Puddles, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR THE BAND?
I’m so glad you asked.  I find that putting the two Dead Kennedys songs together paints a pretty definite picture for me, and I’m going to lay out what I think is in store based on this juxtaposition and The Future is a Foreign Land generally.
I think our next Papa is going to be a ‘teenage punk’ to put it bluntly.  Cardi was childlike - the tricycle, Papa Nihil and Sister Imperator acting as parents, his antics onstage, the bumbling charm and relative innocence of the character all read as childlike.  Charming, charismatic, certainly able to carry the title, but even the character’s backstory lends itself to a kind of childhood, with Cardi beginning as frontman without the official title of Papa Emeritus.  Cardi has grown up - and now has to face those awkward, angry, tumultuous teens.  And I think that will be reflected in a more punk-inspired sound (where Cardi’s music definitely trended toward pop-inspired).  TFiaFL gives us some of that punk-inspired flavor with the guitar riff and general vibe of the song.  I also think that this next Papa might try to dismantle the Clergy as it's a symbol of authority and conformity - the antithesis of the spirit of punk. I think we got a taste of this direction on IMPERA with the song “Twenties” - which I’ll be doing a deep dive on sooner rather than later, I’m sure.
I’m interested in, but not sold on, the idea that the next Papa will be female (either a new character or Tobias in drag - either works).  I don’t think changing the gender works with the story as I see it progressing.  I do think, however, that the next Papa will be possibly more chaotic and possibly angrier than we’ve seen - and probably more political, if the allusions in this song are any indication.  Whether that politicization is outward-facing toward the world as it is or inward-facing toward the world of the Lore, I’m not sure yet.  I look forward to the new cycle with great eagerness!
TLDR; I want the next Papa to have a mohawk and wear a ripped denim jacket for at least part of the ritual.  Thank you.
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microwavetoaster-selfships · 2 months ago
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Uhhhhhhh uhh-hu,huh. I'm listening, I'm listenting. <-*just scrolled upon random kissing art refs on my feed and I could not possibly be thinking about something more unrelated that whatever topic is at hand*
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fallenrain40 · 4 months ago
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*BREAKS DOWN YOUR DOOR AND STEALS YOUR CANDY*
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campingwiththecharmings · 1 year ago
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What’s your favorite Poe costume?
hi bb 🥰 thank you for sending this, i very much enjoyed looking at all the pics lmao 🤤
10000000% my choice is the slutty dinosaur wrangler look from rise of skywalker
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there's just....so much going on between the gloves and shirt and the pants and boots and that stupid fucking scarf hnnnnnnnnnnnnng.
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i think i fall in love with him a little more every time i see him in this outfit tbh. it's very, um, inspiring, let's say 🤭
(honorable mention below the cut)
also adore him in his flight suit, tbh. who knew an ugly, orange onesie could also be sexy? 🙃
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(tho, lbr, it might just be that oscar makes it sexy lmaooo)
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always-a-joyful-note · 1 year ago
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It's a good day and then you watch a Link Click episode and are reminded of how Cheng Xiaoshi - without fail - always appreciates and has such genuine and sincere love and gratitude and joy for partaking in simple family meals during the dives in photos because even though his parents left ages ago and he has a new family with Qiao Ling and Lu Guang, he knows the value of family and simple moments with them.
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nenelysian · 2 months ago
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Just watched "I Saw The TV Glow" in cinemas and boy did I get chest kicked all the way back to my derealisation episodes when I was like 6 years old.
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