#I am a puddle now
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"I know we'll change the world"
"If that world exists, it's far away from here It's one I'll have to miss, for it's far beyond my years, You might live forever, so you can make it be"
She thought that they would change the world together, and that just breaks my heart
#epic the musical#athena#epic the ithaca saga#epic the ithica saga spoilers#odysseus#i can't help but wonder#warrior of the mind#i am a puddle now#the Ithaca saga has made me into a puddle#im just tears now#Starry chats
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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Rambles in tags subject at own risk it’s witching hour for me
#struggling so deeply recently#just been in a death process of watching my entire#life burn down#and alll the things I was#running from#by living abroad and#traversing the globe#for the past 5 years#well there is nowhere to run now baby#it’s me!! I’m the problem it’s me !!’#because everywhere you go there you are#but being back in a place when you’ve spent#7 years running from is just hell#and I’m frozen and so lost on what to do with my life#I just want to melt into a puddle of goo or go#do a fuck ton of acid like baba ram dass!!#fuck guys I’m on rlly on the struggle bus#if you are also on the struggle bus I see you#we are doing the best we can ok 😭#I am like mentally unwell I fear#every day I fucking see saw from I got this I’m talented#and can achieve my goals and dream life!!#to I’m a loser and destined for failure !! and am just a POS#wow!! look what happens when limiting beliefs#run the fucking show#but I know they’re not real#but they feel so real#I’m like getting in my own fucking#way#when we literally live on a rock in space
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does anyone else ever just get like creative brainworms that are deeply distracting so it feels like your creations are trying to literally crawl out of your skin instead of like, appearing on your canvas
#not art#me right now#im trying to write a vander-centric fic#it is. killing me. slowly. or maybe quickly idk.#i just feel like i have some relevant experience that puts me in a unique position to write him#but at the same time i also want to develop my 'silco survived' au a little more#i want to draw the timelapse (he grows out his hair again)#i also want to draw young silco with his hair down#i am also unwell in both the 'vanco has its grippers in me rn' sense and#in the sense that i've spent the past few days sitting in a puddle of my own blood and various internal fluids#that should. in my opinion. STAY. internal.#but no. human body is a curse.
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play stranger of paradise
#stranger of paradise final fantasy origin#pm me if you need a lower resolution#my art#i beat it yesterday and am now a puddle of tears thank you#garland#astos#sopffo
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I think I missed you.
I think I missed you too.
#borderlands#borderlandsedit#rhys strongfork#sasha the kid sister#rhysha#rhys the company man#tftbl#tales from the borderlands#gamingnetwork#gamingedit#dailyvideogames#dailygaming#vgedit#hey guys . i have to go lie down now . this made me very emotional .#There's a theory that says you don't exist unless someone calls and you respond -> dissolves into a puddle#ewbiegifs#I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THISSSSSSSS!!!! i am shy augh
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i like this one a lot :)))
#my art#i'm sort of getting the hang of backgrounds now????#okay okay#now i'm about to post this i'm thinking of more i want to go back and add#but i am tired#this turned out really close to how i pictured which is really really cool!#the stairs are a little different but they were difficult so im just glad i got them looking stair-like#i also didn't draw in puddles or tsukishima's bag that i meant to draw in#but that's okay#i might redraw this someday when i've learned epic perspective skills and make it look Even Cooler#but also i likely won't#this was inspired by a scene from 'tsukishima kei hates valentine's day' by JEM97 on ao3 but i'm too scared to tag because once i got the -#-idea in my head i didn't really reference back at all#so it isn't exactly like it#ohh i haven't even done all the others tags uhh#haikyuu#haikyuu fanart#tsukishima kei#tsukishima kei fanart#haikyu!!#haikyu!! fanart#alrighty#hinata and kageyama are there too but only barely so they don't get a tag#for some reason i drew 6 shoes And a background for this one?? even though they're two of my least favourite things to draw??#but it wasn't so bad actually#was rewatching haikyuu while drawing this and got to my favourite part (the training camp :3 )#byeloveyou
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Ok so ive been thinking of a ship dynamic and its polyamory. Hero x Anti-hero x Villain. You can do it however you want! I dont think this is an original idea but ive not seen anyone else do this so far
Oooo that's an intriguing trio
I've never seen this written before either, but I'll give it my best shot. Thank you for the ask! ^-^
~
"Calm down, love."
"They're late."
Villain stopped Hero mid-stride to interrupt their pacing. They took their partner in their arms and gently guided them to the couch to restrain them in a hug. "Anti-Hero is always late. You know them. They'll be home soon." Villain smiled down at Hero sweetly. "And if they aren't, I'll make sure to remind them how to keep track of the time."
Hero sighed, reluctantly relaxing in the hold. "I might want to 'remind' them with you, if you don't mind."
Villain looked down at their partner with a raised brow. "Is that a threat, love? Careful now. That doesn't sound very heroic of you."
"Loving either of you isn't very heroic of me," Hero huffed. "...Do you think they're okay?"
"They better be."
~
By the time the front door clicked open, all the lights were out. Anti-Hero slipped through the entrance as quietly as possible. Which meant their partners heard every attempted tip-toe as they crept past the living room. A shadow fell over them and they froze.
"Back so early?"
Slowly, Anti-Hero turned to face Villain. "Oh. You're still up? You didn't have to wait for me, darling." They chuckled nervously, fingers twitching for the weapon pouch on their hip. They were tired, but if Villain wanted a fight, they'd at least try their best before giving in.
"Darling," Villain repeated with a thin smile on their lips. "Dinner went cold hours ago."
Anti-Hero tensed as Villain stepped closer, but their partner only laid a gentle hand on their arm. "You're hurt, aren't you? Let's get you cleaned up. Hero already has the first-aid kit ready."
Anti-Hero sighed, shoulders sagging in relief until the grip on their forearm tightened. "But don't think we won't be talking about this." The softness in Villain's tone was anything but kind. "Even my schemes have a curfew on date night."
Anti-Hero swallowed and nodded, feeling numb. They were in for a long and exhausting lesson later.
#asks for puddle#puddleslimewrites#a poly ship was a treat to write thank you so much!#heroes and villains#hero x villain#hero x villain community#hero x villain x antihero#writing snippets#writing snippet#polyamory#i dont know where the pet names and fluff came from but im here for it#its a little short but oooooh am i full of ideas!!!#hero x vigilante#villain x vigilante#can't believe you'd be late for date night antihero#you had them both worried#and now you're going to train your butt off with villain to make up for it :)
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AHHHHHHHHHHH???????
🥴🥴🥴😵💫😵💫🫠🫠🫠
#i think my ovaries just exploded#iM MELTING#WHAT IS THIS MAN???#HELP ME#AHHHHH SIR???!#STOP PLAYING WITH MY HEART LIKE THIS😭#i can feel my heart dancing to macarena and my brain cooperating#i have melted into a puddle its not even funny#i though chevs stans were kidding#chevalier lovers how are we feeling??#you guys go through this every single time???#op is malfunctioning#not only that he also roasted belle on top of that😒#“have you never been this close to a man before? or somethings along those lines while smirking sadistically#sir theres no need to call me out like this#especially this late at night#am i supposed to go to sleep now???#ikemen prince chevalier michel#ikemen chevalier#chevalier michel#ikepri chevalier#ikemen prince chevalier#cybird ikemen#ikemen ouji#ikemen series#ikepri#ikemen prince#ikemen prince smut#cybrid ikemen series#312005
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EVIE !!!!!
I SAW U USE MY ART AS UR THEME SO I WANNA DO A REMAKE !!! mostly cause the other one was full of mistaks hurrrrr orz
keeping the color palette the same so itd still fit + use softer shading so convey how soft u are + moze is now IN UR HAND !!!! >:3
oh nick :’)
#🐦⬛🐕 .#彡 cherishing.#彡 inbox.#彡 nick!#AAAJSNSNS i did my makeup in record time because i had to respond to this asap !! T T i have 25 tags left and so much to say so let’s see#how efficiently i can use my words to convey my gratitude !! T T im actually losing my mind at the addition of moze’s little hands .. i#i will get into that later …. i cannot believe u revamped it for me!!!! thank you nick ?!?! 🥹 i went to gaze 🔎 at the two!! though i think#both are so lovely — i love the curl to my hair !!! i sleep with my hair in those heatless curl rods — so they always tend to be wavier at#the bottom since the top comes loose — THOUGH ITS A RANDOM DETAIL AHAJJ I THOUGHT it looked so accurate !! >< U DID THE BOW EARRINGS UUURGH#i love drop earrings !!!!! and the bow matches with the big one — i noticed the bow & headband is a bit different!! I LOVE BOTH — omg and t#god im going to run out of tags - AND THE SLEEVE!!! ok i shouldn’t point out every difference akajjajaj i am just so excited looking at bot#of them!! I LOVE HOW YOU DRAW ME IM SO?? CAN I SAY THAT??? the little sparkle is spot on because !!! i am showing off mini moze!! to everyo#everyone* T T !!! HE IS SO PRECIOUS AHAHAJSN his gigantic hood … and his signature (ᓀ ᓀ) oh but he is so cute …. T T NICK YOU MAKE HIM LOOK#SO SQUISHABLE URK ITS SO SPOT ON . HIS SQUISHABLE-NESS REALLY SHINES IN YOUR AWESOME ART STYLE (i don’t think i have ever reblogged somethi#something* from you without mentioning your art style) HES SO TINY AAASJSN MY HEART FELT SO HAPPY SEEING HIS LITTLE HANDS …. HIS HANDS ARE#FHE SIZE OF MY EARRING 😭😭😭😭 oh my god i just noticed you gave him a little blush and i want to lock myself underground /pos HE IS SO CUTE#IN YOUR STYLE IUUUAGGHHHH IM IN SUCH AGONY /pos :’) oh i don’t think i will get over his little hands ISNSKDKX im feeling so violently#affectionate staring at it — THE WAY HE IS DRAPED OVER MY HAND IS SO SJSNDNCJ he is my …. most treasured little crow …. that i am showing#everyone with the happiest smile ever …. THANK YOU NICK ))): and the fact that you kept the colors for my theme is so ?!?! you are so thou#UGH TUMBLR — you are so thoughtful with all of your gifts towards your friends!! noting all the details and such ): oh i adore you ): u sai#softer shading to convey how soft i am but i have quite literally melted into a puddle of goo so now am i soft ?! i believe i am just a#puddle in the corner over there in the nick museum -> waiting to be mopped -> OH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH SOB THANK YOU ))): i was about to say#that i don’t even know what to say to convey my gratitude — but i have said something! just not enough to get out my feelings ^^; never eno#ALSO I LOVE HOW YOU DID MY LASHES AAHHHNXNX )): my eyes !!! your style !!! oh i am really in such agony /POS URGH AND I KEEP LOOKING AT HIS#LITTLE HANDS AND WANTING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS BUNDLE OF VIOLENT AFFECTION I GET FROM IT T T HES SO TINY AJANSDto ruffle his hair with#the very tip of my pinkie … trembling trying not to knock him over ……. i must make him a little spot in my purse …. with little blankets to#keep him nice and cozy …. nick words cannot express my gratitude — thank you!!! both versions are so stunning 🥹 I REALLY APPRECIATE IT (<-#severe understatement) (the most severe understatement) your art is always so stunning#when im home i must come back and add some good reaction photos !!!! THANJ YOU SNIFFLE YOU ARE TOO KIND )))))):#similar to the first time u visited my inbox …. if I ever spot a kofianywhere 🔎🔎🔎🔎🔎👁️!!
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I just got my shit fucking WRECKED by @giggly-cloud…I hope you know u are a very mean and cruel individual. Don’t talk to me /j /lh
#GUYS SHES MEAN#Don’t be fooled by the pink… /ref#MEANMEANMEAN#I AM A SWITCH#WE ALL KNOW THIS#BUT CLOUDIE I MIGHT RECONSIDER HOLY FUCKING SHIT#She kept using the t-word— YES. IK. I CANT SAY IT THATS HOW BAD SHE GOT ME.#She kept saying it over and over and OVER AGAIN#Mootie patootie ♡#Cloudie ♡#Emery’s rambles#“I'm sure it's a yes- oh btw looks like my ler energy is back…”#“…Where did yours go now huuuh~? Did my tickles and teases make it go away? <3” - Cloudie#JUST.#I WONT SAY ALL THE TEASES BUT GUYYYSSS#GUYS.#THIS#I-#🫠🫠🫠#😵💫😵💫😵💫#Scared of u actuwlly.#Jjst#SHIT.#A giggly puddle rn#Sfw tickle blog#Sfw tickle#Sfw tickle community
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ooo u know when just someone’s voice fills you with butterflies?? like let me get a fucking grip
#please this about an ACTOR it’s not even REALLLLLLLL#i’d be down so fucking bad if i ever actually met anyone i found attractive#like kicking my legs giggling and shit oh girl get a hold of yourself !!!#as you can tell period horniness has hit me like fucking truck this month#literally the line was ‘what are you doin right now? how is this helpin anyone?’ and i FOLDED like a gd lawn chair#he was saying it to his boxing coach????? not even a love interest and yet!!! here i am in a puddle of my own making#stelle yaps
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The Future is a Foreign Land Meta Analysis
This was super fun for me to put together. Please enjoy.
The Future is a Foreign Land has allusions to lyrics from the Dead Kennedys, classic literature, and Nazi Germany. It has a more punk aesthetic than the other Papa Nihil songs, which are focused primarily on interpersonal relationships, with a heavy dose of the ubiquitous Satanic imagery the band is known for. Notably, Satanic imagery is virtually absent from the lyrics of TFiaFL, although interpersonal relationships do still play a role.
So, let’s dig into the lyrics and music to see if they lead us to any ideas about the future of Ghost, or insights into how the concepts presented in this song might influence the band’s identity. Please note that while I have researched the lore and read several histories of the band, I am fairly new to this fandom. I am merely following leads I discovered while binge-listening to this song after seeing RHRN. Which is to say, if any of my ideas run counter to established fandom theory, I apologize in advance. (I edited this to put in a read more... it's been a hot minute since I've used this platform and forgot my etiquette, please forgive me.)
The conceit of TFiaFL is that Papa Nihil wrote it in 1969. Taking that into account, the year 1984 does track, mathematics-wise. However, 1984 is a very culturally significant year. George Orwell’s novel is immediately brought to mind, with all the baggage contained therein - Thought Police, brainwashing, Big Brother and the loss of privacy, and the fact that the main character’s job is to literally rewrite history at an organization called the Ministry of Truth.
Initially, as a US-based listener of the song, I’m jumping on the anti-fascist underpinnings of that allusion. That line of thought isn’t wrong, per se, but I think there are factors at work that make the allusion much deeper and even more meaningful.
Since 1812 (Or 1834, depending on your source) Sweden had maintained a stance of neutrality. This neutrality was baked into their identities - to the point that they didn’t declare for either side in World War II, the Cold War, or any other conflict. On March 7, 2024 (ah, there’s the 2024 from the song!) Sweden joined NATO, foregoing neutrality for the first time in 200 years. A large step - and one that was supported by 66% of the population.
Now, as someone who lives in the US, I know exactly how much power and influence 34% of the population can wield if it so chooses. According to poll after poll, 66% of US Americans support all KINDS of initiatives that would actually make living in this country suck a lot less. But that last 34%... well. If you’ve followed US American politics at all in the past 8 years, you know what happened when 34% of the population lost its collective mind. (Yup, that’s the percentage of US Americans that identify, or routinely vote, as Republican. The percentage is nearly identical to that of Democrats, so let’s not get too overwrought about things just yet.)
The interesting thing is, though, that the anti-NATO movement is supported primarily by young people. Young people worried that joining NATO will militarize their country. Worried that collective security does not stop conflicts and may exacerbate them. I can’t deny that I understand where they’re coming from, that political neutrality gives more freedom of choice to the Swedish government about where and how they get involved in European affairs. Choosing to be a part of NATO may remove some of that freedom of choice. On the other hand, you end up selling iron ore to Nazis and training Danish troops at your airbases in the same breath, so… neutrality can also lead to hypocrisy.
But Puddles, I hear you cry, what on EARTH does this history lesson have to do with Ghost?
Well, in the absence of sympathies, won’t you hear me out?
1969. The year TFiaFL is supposed to have been written. Height of the Cold War. Sweden is still neutral - this time out of concern that if they join NATO, the USSR is going to invade them. A not-improbable concern, given Finnish history of the era. And closer along the timeline to 1945 than we are to 1969. What’s the worry stated in the song? A Brownshirt Stasi guard is knocking on your door. A Brownshirt is, of course, one of the Sturmabteilung troops of Nazi Germany. Stasi is a security officer of East Berlin - the Berlin of the Cold War.
Thus, if we take a small leap of logic and use a Sweden-centric worldview: If Sweden fails to maintain neutrality, if they give up their freedom of choice, then the world falls to fascism. (This is the first half of the first verse. I’m sorry. Moving on.)
Interestingly, the specific lyric ‘It’s 1984, and knocking on your door’ is a callback to the Dead Kennedys song “California Uber Alles” which was then remade by the band after the 1980 election into “We’ve Got a Bigger Problem Now.”
Those two songs studied side-by-side are a fascinating study. The first is about the fascism of the Left - which IS A THING. It might seem corny or sarcastic to worry about hippies becoming dictators - but the theft of choice, even if that theft feels like comfort, is still theft. Forced conformity, even if you agree with the premise, is still fascism.
The second song is, of course, about how everyone who wasn’t WASPy felt about the election of Reagan. The rise of the yuppie to replace the hippie. This is definitely more in line with what is traditionally associated with punk and rock music in general. (I’m also a fan of the fact that “We’ve Got a Bigger Problem Now” is on an album named ‘In God We Trust’ but I think that’s just coincidence.)
To continue the lyric analysis, the song goes on to reference the Kennedys (which is a nice double-whammy - telling us that the previous line is almost certainly related to the Dead Kennedys songs, but ALSO invoking in the next breath the assassination of both John F. Kennedy and Robert F. Kennedy, which would have been contemporaneous to the storyline release date of TFiaFL, occurring in 1963 and 1968 respectively.) As an aside, I find it hilarious that ‘the good ones get shot’ is the next lyric because there is currently ANOTHER Kennedy running for president, with the implied meaning that he’s ‘not good’ because he hasn’t been shot. I don’t think this was intentional, it’s a very minor point in a pretty complex political landscape, but it makes me chuckle.
“For the minute it takes” in the chorus… definitely a reference to nuclear war. The ensuing firestorm after a nuclear blast will consume a human body within moments, leaving nothing behind. This is also likely to be a reference to the Doomsday Clock - which is currently sitting at 90 seconds to midnight, the closest it’s ever been to destruction. Just to give some perspective - the Doomsday Clock was set to 7 minutes to midnight in 1947, right after WWII. It was 10 minutes to midnight in 1969 and 3 minutes to midnight in 1984. In 1991, however, the clock had been set back to 17 minutes to midnight, the furthest back it had ever been since its inception. It has never been set back since. More esoterically, though, it could be a reference to ts eliot’s poem “The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock.” The line ‘in a minute there is time/for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.’ If this line is an allusion to the poem (there are other lines in other songs that make me think that ts eliot is likely one of Tobias’s poetic influences, tempered by the medium of lyric creation and music) then we can assume the piece is, indeed, referring to Sister Imperator and Papa Nihil.
The second verse is a bit more obscure - probably because it’s dealing with an actual future prediction, as 2024 is only about half over as of the time of this writing. There is hope in this verse, but it’s tinged with irony. ‘The dark fascist regime might be gone’ is bittersweet - the hope of Papa Nihil looking toward the future and seeing that maybe, just maybe there’s a way to defeat fascism for good and knowing, as we do, that it didn’t come to pass and that fascism is, in fact, on the rise globally is a gut-punch.
The next two lines are interesting. They could be referring to Sister Imperator, continuing the subplot of their failed relationship. They could be speaking to the audience - either in reference to some real-life transgression of the lyricist or of the lore-based transgressions of Papa Nihil. Or, perhaps this is asking to be forgiven for some future slight that will occur later.
I’m not going to lie, the bridge is weird. It’s simultaneously finishing the thought of the previous verse but ALSO giving heavy-handed “All You Need is Love” vibes a la Beatles in 1967. None of this is in any way meant as a criticism, however. The bridge works musically as well as lyrically to pull the disparate lines of thought together into something coherent and hopeful. Also of a tangential but possibly related note - “Revolution” by the Beatles was released in 1968 on The White Album. And I can’t think of a more boot-licking rock and roll song ever to be penned. But this is certainly a digression and probably just my brain leapfrogging onto interesting coincidences.
Ok, fine, the song has some deep roots, but Puddles, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR THE BAND?
I’m so glad you asked. I find that putting the two Dead Kennedys songs together paints a pretty definite picture for me, and I’m going to lay out what I think is in store based on this juxtaposition and The Future is a Foreign Land generally.
I think our next Papa is going to be a ‘teenage punk’ to put it bluntly. Cardi was childlike - the tricycle, Papa Nihil and Sister Imperator acting as parents, his antics onstage, the bumbling charm and relative innocence of the character all read as childlike. Charming, charismatic, certainly able to carry the title, but even the character’s backstory lends itself to a kind of childhood, with Cardi beginning as frontman without the official title of Papa Emeritus. Cardi has grown up - and now has to face those awkward, angry, tumultuous teens. And I think that will be reflected in a more punk-inspired sound (where Cardi’s music definitely trended toward pop-inspired). TFiaFL gives us some of that punk-inspired flavor with the guitar riff and general vibe of the song. I also think that this next Papa might try to dismantle the Clergy as it's a symbol of authority and conformity - the antithesis of the spirit of punk. I think we got a taste of this direction on IMPERA with the song “Twenties” - which I’ll be doing a deep dive on sooner rather than later, I’m sure.
I’m interested in, but not sold on, the idea that the next Papa will be female (either a new character or Tobias in drag - either works). I don’t think changing the gender works with the story as I see it progressing. I do think, however, that the next Papa will be possibly more chaotic and possibly angrier than we’ve seen - and probably more political, if the allusions in this song are any indication. Whether that politicization is outward-facing toward the world as it is or inward-facing toward the world of the Lore, I’m not sure yet. I look forward to the new cycle with great eagerness!
TLDR; I want the next Papa to have a mohawk and wear a ripped denim jacket for at least part of the ritual. Thank you.
#the band ghost#ghost the band#the future is a foreign land#puddles writes#this is the first meta I've done in maybe 6 years#this delightfully ridiculous man and his music have broken me#i am broken#I've done nothing but listen to this music on repeat since Friday#Thank you to my lovely wife who dragged me to the film#and then allowed me to completely obsess#spoilers#rite here rite now spoilers
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*BREAKS DOWN YOUR DOOR AND STEALS YOUR CANDY*
#GRGGRGR#idk i just want candy rn#i have candy. BUT I CANT EAT IT RIGHT NOW WAAH#can someome gib me sugar free candy plspssppslls#plspslspsl#plspslspl#*becomes a puddle*#I WAMT CANDY#WAAAHHH#random posting#i should not have this much energy at... nearly 1 am !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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What’s your favorite Poe costume?
hi bb 🥰 thank you for sending this, i very much enjoyed looking at all the pics lmao 🤤
10000000% my choice is the slutty dinosaur wrangler look from rise of skywalker
there's just....so much going on between the gloves and shirt and the pants and boots and that stupid fucking scarf hnnnnnnnnnnnnng.
i think i fall in love with him a little more every time i see him in this outfit tbh. it's very, um, inspiring, let's say 🤭
(honorable mention below the cut)
also adore him in his flight suit, tbh. who knew an ugly, orange onesie could also be sexy? 🙃
(tho, lbr, it might just be that oscar makes it sexy lmaooo)
#so many thots#first one is pulling that stupid scarf and kissing the shit out of him#(then maybe using it to tie him up later idk idk)#those GLOVES i'm fs;ldfkdlgk#i wanna suck n his fingers while he's wearing them is that weird#there's something so hot about them idek#and that stupid fucking shirt with that slutty ass collar and the sleeves rolled up to the elbows#asdl;ksfl;dkfg#i am#a puddle#and those pants legit like fit him so perfectly#i....i am LOOKING mmk#and that stupid thigh holster is doing ~things~ to me too fml#ya know what this reminds me of actually#and i can't believe i just now realized this#brendan fraser in the mummy#rick fucking o'connell#it's no longer a surprise that this is my favorite look lmaooo a;lsdksl;dfk#poe dameron#ivy tag
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one odd thing about going deeper is that I'm no longer satisfied with shallower. and that's, weirdly enough, a net positive. I've self harmed - eh, twice? in the last month. both were well into the criteria that should have got sutures and ignored it; suspect I hit a vein once and was extremely close to muscle, which feels kind of odd. yeah, it's ramped up; yeah, there's a lot of blood and all that kind of stuff. very high risk of infection, potential nerve damage and all that kind of stuff (though I have not got either of them; I scared off an infection that wanted to hang round by chucking quantities of alcohol on it). but at the same time. that's only twice. that's a lot better than previously.
#tw sh#the one from a fortnight ago. which i have told nobody irl about including the person to which i showed the first one. is still thinking#about healing and not really doing it yet. it'll get there. might have to wear a bandage or smth on placement#if we were going into winter i would think there was a serious concern of doing it a bunch more but for now i know i absolutely cannot#because it will be visible.#i mean it already will but im gonna pretend it was from months ago and hopefully deflect questions about just how i got such scars#actually the one that i think approached muscle is surprisingly close to healed and probably going to scar surprisingly little#the other one is simply too fresh still to know how it'll scar#should've taken progress pictures to monitor healing but was too scared others would accidentally see it#didn't want to traumatise folks#honestly was genuinely tempted to take one (1) photo of the more recent one and post on my secret sh tumblr but i talked myself out of that#anyway im fine#personal#puddleglum hours#yesterday dad hugged me and patted my arm and it was LITERALLY directly on top of the fresher one but i was able to Not flinch#fun fact: when you go that deep it is in fact Less painful than a few layers shallower#which i found to my own concern the first time and was freaking out thinking id done something nerve-related#anyway yes i really am fine prommy#fessed up to my doc about self harming anyway#and technically unless muscle is involved it is clinically described as superficial#(fat layer is the one where they will nearly always consider sutures necessary but some shallower will be dependent on how much they gape)#but also because of how much blood there is every time you kinda have to spend longer making sure you're not gonna bleed all over everythin#so that also stops me bc oh it's nearly midnight i cannot devote like two hours or three to making sure i don't wake up in a puddle of bloo#(hyperbole)#anyway in some ways i find this funny. probably should be vaguely concerned. but eh
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