#(fat layer is the one where they will nearly always consider sutures necessary but some shallower will be dependent on how much they gape) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 3 months ago

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one odd thing about going deeper is that I'm no longer satisfied with shallower. and that's, weirdly enough, a net positive. I've self harmed - eh, twice? in the last month. both were well into the criteria that should have got sutures and ignored it; suspect I hit a vein once and was extremely close to muscle, which feels kind of odd. yeah, it's ramped up; yeah, there's a lot of blood and all that kind of stuff. very high risk of infection, potential nerve damage and all that kind of stuff (though I have not got either of them; I scared off an infection that wanted to hang round by chucking quantities of alcohol on it). but at the same time. that's only twice. that's a lot better than previously.

#tw sh #the one from a fortnight ago. which i have told nobody irl about including the person to which i showed the first one. is still thinking #about healing and not really doing it yet. it'll get there. might have to wear a bandage or smth on placement #if we were going into winter i would think there was a serious concern of doing it a bunch more but for now i know i absolutely cannot #because it will be visible.#i mean it already will but im gonna pretend it was from months ago and hopefully deflect questions about just how i got such scars #actually the one that i think approached muscle is surprisingly close to healed and probably going to scar surprisingly little #the other one is simply too fresh still to know how it'll scar #should've taken progress pictures to monitor healing but was too scared others would accidentally see it #didn't want to traumatise folks #honestly was genuinely tempted to take one (1) photo of the more recent one and post on my secret sh tumblr but i talked myself out of that #anyway im fine #personal #puddleglum hours #yesterday dad hugged me and patted my arm and it was LITERALLY directly on top of the fresher one but i was able to Not flinch #fun fact: when you go that deep it is in fact Less painful than a few layers shallower #which i found to my own concern the first time and was freaking out thinking id done something nerve-related #anyway yes i really am fine prommy #fessed up to my doc about self harming anyway #and technically unless muscle is involved it is clinically described as superficial #(fat layer is the one where they will nearly always consider sutures necessary but some shallower will be dependent on how much they gape)#but also because of how much blood there is every time you kinda have to spend longer making sure you're not gonna bleed all over everythin #so that also stops me bc oh it's nearly midnight i cannot devote like two hours or three to making sure i don't wake up in a puddle of bloo #(hyperbole)#anyway in some ways i find this funny. probably should be vaguely concerned. but eh

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