#I always wonder who the wife will be since I struggle to find a character to ship with Charlie

[anonymocha]

For my next trick

Vertin x Charlie /lh

EARS WIDE OPEN ACTUALLY...

[allwaswell16]

A fic rec of One Direction fics in which the characters are close to the age they are now in 2024 as requested in this ask. If you enjoy the fics, please leave kudos and comments for the writers! You can find my other fic recs here. Happy reading!

- Louis/Harry -

💠 The Greatest Thing by @infinitelymint

(E, 168k, canon) Harry and Louis haven’t spoken since the band broke up when a dangerous combination of Niall Horan, tequila, and an ordained Elvis impersonator means that the two of them have to embark on their biggest publicity stunt to date - together.

💠  And What If I Were You by jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom

(E, 109k, famous/not famous) For Louis, will losing his sight give him the clarity to realise what is right in front of him? For Harry, will losing the love of his life give him the strength to finally open his heart? And can they find their way back, before they lose each other forever?

💠 Desires for Woolgatherings by isolated

(E, 86k, Maniac au) In the midst of his second world tour, Louis Tomlinson receives the devastating news that his former bandmate, Harry Styles, is in critical condition after an unfortunate accident. 

💠 When the Lights Go Out by thelarenttrap / @antidotetogo

(E, 79k, F1 au) In its near eighty years of existence, Formula 1 has never had an out gay driver. In 2017, Harry Styles signs a contract with Scuderia AlphaTauri alongside his childhood friend and competitor, Louis Tomlinson. The next decade of their careers is some of the most tumultuous press--on and off the track--Formula 1 has ever seen.

💠 another dream but always you by you_explode / @nobodymoves

(M, 60k, superpowers) Harry is a Dreamwalker; he has the ability to visit people in their dreams and help put them on the right path. He's assigned to Louis, who's struggling after the break-up of his band.

💠  you were in my dream by staybeautiful / @harruandlou

(E, 60k, acquaintances to lovers) Louis woke up after having a sexy dream about his best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend resolved to never think about it again. He hardly knew Harry, so what difference would it make? But when they are thrown together only a few days later, Louis had to admit, his subconscious might have been onto something.

💠 I Really Like Your Styles: The Baking Advent-ure by @homosociallyyours

(T, 35k, coffee shop) Louis isn't much for frills, and the coffee shop he co-owns with his best friend Liam is evidence of that. Yes, it's got a decent sized, well-kept industrial kitchen, but Louis insists that people come to coffee shops for coffee, not mediocre pastry and plastic wrapped cookies. 

💠 If I had no love to give (I wouldn't give it to you) by @kingsofeverything

(E, 30k, restaurant au) Small town restaurateur Louis Tomlinson needs someone competent to work in his kitchen. Chef Harry Styles needs a job.

💠 Bitter Ends Turn Sweet by @allwaswell16

(E, 30k, songfic) It had been four years since Harry first heard the song his ex wrote about him and far longer since they broke up. He forgave Louis long ago, and now his life was focused on his career, his family, and especially his son, Max. But Louis was back in Chicago, after all this time, and he’s not an easy man to ignore.

💠 signs and wonders by @scrunchyharry

(E, 29k, cheating) On the surface, it looks like Louis Tomlinson has the perfect life; after all, he has the whole package: a white picket fence house (well, his doesn’t technically have a white picket fence, but work with him), a wife, a daughter and a dog. He has it all and he’s not even 30, yet.

💠 Somebody's Got Your Trainers On (It's You) by bluegreenish / @greenblueish

(E, 28k, hospital au) the one where, after two years, paediatrician Harry returns to Silver Street Hospital and with it to paediatric nurse Louis' life.

💠 what's left of my halo's black by LiveLaughLoveLarry / @loveislarryislove

(E, 22k, fwb) A year after a devastating breakup, Louis is still trying to put himself back together - but getting over a breakup is hard when you work as a wedding planner. Thankfully, his coworker Harry is the most supportive friend Louis could ask for.

💠 Rolling Stone UK Awards AU (series) by INnenaHeart / @thechavier

(M, 15k, canon divergence) Harry started walking away from him and he felt like he was missing the moment, if he let him go like this he would lose on something. Something great. Something beautiful.

💠 Seems You Cannot Be Replaced by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird

(M, 5k, time jump) Harry and the popular boy in school, Louis Tomlinson, share a tension-filled night together when they're young. Fifteen years later they see each other again.

💠 Tuca Tuca (ILikeYouILikeYouILikeYou) by @persephoneflouwers

(E, 4k, canon) The San Francisco getaway AU, where Harry is needy and Louis has a flight to LA in a few hours.

💠 Let Me Taste Your Silhouette by LetTheMusicMoveYou / @letthemusicmoveyou28

(E, 4k, pwp) the one where Harry accidentally posts a picture to his main Instagram story instead of only to his close friends, and he just happens to be wearing a 28 Official Programme shirt. Louis happens to notice

💠 Jealousy Looks Good On You, Baby by cigarettesbeforesex

(M, 4k, pwp) A flirtatious stranger wanted to entice Louis by buying him a drink from the bar. The handsome 29-year-old tavern manager with curly hair, who Louis (often) flirts with, is currently working on shift...Poor Curly, because he's the one that has to deliver the drink to him.

💠 spring in your eyes by @nouies

(NR, 3k, fake relationship) “Just Go with It” inspired AU where plastic surgeon Harry pretends to be married to his assistant Louis to avoid unwanted attention.

💠 From the Dining Table by @littleroverlouis

(E, 3k, established relationship) Harry's thirtieth birthday hasn't gone as expected. Things start looking up from the dining table.

- Rare Pairs -

💠 Live a Thousand Lifetimes by Layne Faire / @laynefaire

(E, 57k, Zayn/Liam) With the whirlwind about to begin again, Liam re-evaluates the last ten years - the fame, the money, the people who changed his life forever - and the person who walked away.

💠 Eight Days by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

(T, 22k, Liam/Louis)  Louis and Liam got hitched in Vegas, completely forgot about it for more than a decade, and it comes back to bite them. Sort of.

[eegasleega-will-change-this-l8r]

George & Maria

way too late with this, so i'm really sorry to that anon who asked me about my headcanons for them ages ago... but since it's the anniversary of MOTHER 1, i figured i should finally sit down and do it! :D

So, without further ado, here's my own personal take on George and Maria, the two who started it all...

[As always, this is all my own vision for these characters, it differs a lot from other interpretations and since I'm particularly interested in them I kinda go off the rails with it. Hope it's enjoyable!]

So, things begin with Maria! She was the daughter of a fairly wealthy family, born on the later side of the 1800s in a rural part of Eagleland. She was kind, outgoing, positive to a fault, and well-liked by everyone in the town she lived in. She hosted most of the town's events and celebrations, most often at her family's estate, and no one was excluded.

Also, she was trans. This was something of an open secret, although she never talked about it, and most of the locals considered it impolite to gossip about. But since she'd been in the public eye since she was a child, it wasn't something that went unnoticed.

George was an out-of-towner, who showed up one day and quietly settled in, accompanied by a friend of his (his personal doctor, apparently. This is a weird oc that just kinda came into existence naturally, and he just kept showing up afterward... really need to give him a proper name at some point). He was a quiet person, although he got along well with the people he spoke to. He never spoke of where he'd come from, or why he'd left there. Mostly he preferred to stay indoors and write (he was something of an aspiring poet).

He never really paid much attention to the affairs of Maria's family, but one day he just happened to overhear some passing gossip while in town, and what he heard astounded him. He immediately knew that he had to meet Maria himself.

George had never attended any of Maria's parties, not being one for large social events, but he made sure to attend the next one as soon as he could. It was there that the two finally met. George was immediately captivated by her, and the more he spoke with her, the more he knew he was in love. She loved the way he spoke and looked at the world, and she wanted them to keep talking as long as they could.

The whole party passed, people left, until it was just the two of them. They were still talking and now, privately, George could finally reveal his own secret, too.

George was like Maria in a number of ways. However, he'd struggled far more with his own identity than she had. His family hadn't accepted him, had tried to force him into being someone he couldn't be, and so he left. Besides Maria, the only other person who knew about his secret was his doctor, a close friend of his who he'd always confided in. He'd had little hope he'd ever find anyone else who could understand, but he'd never even considered there might be someone else like him.

By the end of that night, they were already in love. They met more and more after that, never wanting to be without the other's company. He loved the way she sang, she loved to help him with his poems. She loved to tease him and say that he looked just like a penguin. When they went into town together, everyone wondered how this strange, quiet man from out of town had captured Maria's heart so well. Eventually, they were married, and after their daughter Rosie was born, they decided to move to a small, quiet town further away.

Just at the edge of the town of Mother's Day/Podunk, they built a small house on top of a hill (George's doctor came with them of course, as loyal as always. He moved into his own house just a short walk away, at the bottom of the hill). And so they lived there, husband and wife, their daughter growing up, and everything was happy.

When Rosie was about 8, a shadow fell over the town. Things lifted off the ground and flew across the room, animals went wild, and people vanished from their homes without a trace. When the morning came, George and Maria were gone.

Unfortunately, I think I'm gonna have to split this post. There's still plenty of George and Maria's story left to tell, and I think there's too much to get into in just one part. (also i still have some things i wanna work out for giygas...)

In any case, that's the story of how George and Maria met, right before everything goes wrong and the course of history is changed forever! I really love thinking about how many things turn out the way they do because of these two people. Without them, Giygas wouldn't have turned out the way he did, without Giygas, Porky would never have gone down that path, and without Porky...

So I've become super attached to my interpretations of these characters, and I really love giving them a larger spotlight. ^^

Hope this was fun! And happy 35th anniversary to MOTHER 1! :D

[jahayla-parker]

Hey so I was wonder if you could write a story with either kaz brekker x ADHD reader or freddy Carter x ADHD reader where the reader is struggling and ends up with haveing breakdown and is in tears with the fact that they can't stay focused and everything is slipping into a mess and they are struggling and they just comfort the reader .

I haven't been feeling very well lately and begin feeling overwhelmed and I love your work

Over It All : Freddy Carter x Reader

Hi! So sorry for just getting to this! Ironically enough, I was experiencing this myself over the last few months. I hope you’re feeling better! 🖤

I did both characters/people, but I broke it up.

In this one you’ll find Freddy’s version. Kaz’s version is coming soon (I’ll tag you in it)

Description: 1.9k wc, reader struggles with her ADHD to the point of breaking into tears, prompting Freddy to come to her aid. Hurt-comfort, angst-fluff

Warnings: ADHD symptoms and experiences discussed, neurodivergencies mentioned, mention of crying and sadness, negative thoughts of self, some angst but fluffy ending/comfort

Y/n sniffled as she aggressively wiped her face with the back of her hand. She couldn’t stop crying. Her ADHD paralysis had flared up and left her feeling hopeless and ashamed of herself. She knew it wasn’t anything she did nor a true flaw, but she could help the misery she felt.

She’d been trying to finish this project for her job since the early hours of this morning. Yet, she’d gotten practically nowhere with it. It was as if there were a million other things her mind would rather focus on. She had lost all control over her flickering thoughts hours ago.

Meaning she was now crying alone in her home-office as her latest attempt to start the project failed. Her husband Freddy was on set filming today, meaning if anything she should’ve had less distractions. But, instead her mind had begun thinking of different tasks she should do for him since he was out. She knew she was screwed when even those self-created tasks weren’t ones she could force herself to do.

Everyone thought ADHD was silly and fun. Sure, some of the behavioral ‘symptoms’ of the condition could be taken that way. But, most of the time one was either overly engaged or under engaged. It was a constant pendulum that caused havoc when it swung too far in either direction.

Today it had swung too far towards the direction of executive dysfunction. Executive dysfunction was a hard concept for many neurotypical individuals to grasp. As such, many neurotypicals saw neurodivergents who were experiencing the effects of executive dysfunction as lazy or inconsiderate. This of course didn’t help the fact that those with ADHD often struggled with their self image already.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to do the work project, and she certainly wanted to do the caring tasks she’d thought of doing for Freddy. Yet, she was stuck. Y/n was not able to get herself to even begin any of the tasks. Instead, she’d wasted the day away in her futile attempts to start them only to fall into self-directed frustration over and over again.

So it came as no surprise that once she’d officially given up on trying to complete anything she had wished to do, she begun crying. She felt like a horrible wife and employee even though she wasn’t. But the frustration she had towards herself and her predicament clouded everything else. Hence why she was willing to sit by herself at her desk as she shook from crying.

Freddy had been home for only a matter of five minutes when he noticed the absence of his wife’s presence. She always seemed to greet him when he’d return if she’d been working from home that day. He recalled having said goodbye to her in their home-office this morning, so why wasn’t she greeting him?

He slowly made his way to their office space to try and see if she was still working. As he entered the doorway, he noticed the way her shoulders were hunched over her desk. He furrowed his brows as he checked that the lights were all on and therefore not the cause of her face being so close to the table.

It was in that moment that he watched her body tremble and heard her faint cries. Once he’d recovered from the sudden sinking in his chest, he took a deep breath and rushed over to her.

“Darling?” Freddy panicked, his hand placed on her upper back delicately.

Y/n’s head snapped up but she didn’t turn to him. Instead, she wiped her face again and took a loud breath. It was clear she was trying to compose herself before she’d face him.

Freddy knelt beside his wife, his worry evident in his features. But he knew not to push her. She’d respond once she felt steady enough to do so.

It took a few moments of silence but she eventually did turn to face him, a fake smile on her face. Freddy shook his head at her blatant coverup and grasped her hand in his tightly. Y/n sighed softly when she realized he wasn’t falling for her pretend happiness.

She didn’t want him to feel sorry for her. Nor did she want him to know she hadn’t been able to accomplish anything today. She felt like a burden. Despite knowing how much Freddy loved and cared for her, she didn’t want him to see her in this state. But she also wouldn’t lie to her husband.

“I… I did not get the project done” she admitted shyly, her hand shoving the planning sheets across the desk towards him.

Freddy’s eyes briefly left her frame to scan the documents she was showing him. He noticed she had a bunch of stray marks and squiggles on the paper. However, nothing else had been added since he saw the sheets this morning.

She didn’t need to tell him what was happening. He knew of her ADHD and the highs and lows that came with it. As such, he knew how to best handle this situation on his end.

“That’s okay love, sometimes ideas don’t flow as easily as they normally do” he encouraged, neatly stacking the papers.

“It wasn’t just the ideas, I couldn’t even start the rest of it. I also…” she sighed as she trailed off and looked away.

Freddy sighed quietly as his heart sank further upon seeing her continued distress. “Y/n, it doesn’t matter what you did or did not do today, you-“.

“I was going to make you that soup you like” y/n interrupted, fiddling with her fingers, “but I couldn’t. I wanted to, but…”.

“But you weren’t able to get up and get started on it” he finished to her, tugging her hand back to him to calm her nervous fidgeting.

She nodded and sighed, “I wanted us to be able to have that soup, but then I began thinking about each step. Washing the dishes to get the ladle clean, getting out the ingredients, chopping the vegetables,..”

Freddy stood up quietly, prompting her eyes to snap upwards to see him. He wasn’t sure why there seemed to be a sense of panic in her y/e/c eyes. But he wished it weren’t there. He didn’t have to wait long to find out the cause behind it as she soon blurted out her worry.

“Please don’t leave” she begged.

Freddy gave her a sympathetic shake of his head, “‘m not, just standing to help guide you to the living room, my love”

Y/n visibly calmed but then began listing off the tasks she still needed to complete.

“Darling, those can all wait. You deserve to rest” he stated.

She shook her head, “no I don’t. I didn’t get anything done today. It’s embarrassing and I-“

“You don’t need to be ashamed” Freddy told her, stroking her cheek as he towered over her seated form.

“I don’t not what I’m doing anymore” y/n exclaimed, “I can’t do anything right”. She glanced up at her husband before continuing to try and explain what she was feeling. “I’m worthless, I can’t even focus on one thing for a mere second” she pointed out.

“Don’t put yourself down like that” Freddy pleaded, his heart clenching. He watched her sigh but nod as if accepting his request. As such he gave her a soft smile and tugged on her hand, “let’s go to the living room. What do you want to do tonight? Don’t worry about how we’ll do it, I’ll handle that. Just tell me what you’d like us to do”.

“I just want to be held for a bit” she admitted quietly as she rose to her feet before him.

“I like this” y/n told him as she snuggled further into his embrace.

Freddy chuckled lightly, “me too. I never want to let go, my love”.

Y/n let her husband hold her and offer her comforting words and back rubs while she tried to silence her mind. He had helped her not feel the deep despair she’d been feeling moments before he arrived. Yet, she still felt she should’ve done so much more today.

Freddy seemed to notice her quietness, his grip tightening ever so slightly. He placed a soft kiss to the top of her head as he hummed. “You don’t have to do it all” he whispered.

“But then people will be let down. If I don’t-“ she began, making Freddy notice the way her pace quickened from her emotions.

“They don’t matter. You matter, my love” he cut her off, carefully brushing his fingers through her tangled hair. “You’re all that matters, and right now you need rest. It doesn’t matter what they need or want” Freddy stated definitively. He smiled to himself as her muscles visibly relaxed.

Freddy was attempting to give her a long thoughtful compliment, but y/n was hopelessly distracted. She’d been staring at his dimples and then at the freckles on his face instead of focusing on what he was saying. She’d tried to listen, truly, but his face was just so beautifully distracting to her.

She broke her gaze from the patch of freckles on his cheek when she noticed she no longer heard his voice. Y/n glanced up at him as she silently hoped he hadn’t asked her a question. Fortunately, she could read his facial expressions and knew he wasn’t awaiting any response. However, she could also tell he had noticed her lack of attention.

“I’m sorry,” she whimpered, “I was listening.. at first. But then I… I wasn’t listening to you, I’m sorry babe”.

He shook his head, “it was I that wasn’t truly listening. If I had, I’d have remembered to use shorter sentences”.

Y/n watched him cautiously as she tried to let his words erase her guilt. It wasn’t until he smiled softly at her and placed a delicate kiss on her cheek that she accepted that her guilt was unfounded. Having realized this, she let her mind wander back to where it was before.

As such, she soon found herself tracing imaginary lines between his freckles with her pointer finger. She was acutely aware of Freddy’s eyes watching her do this. But her attention remained stuck on this unimportant but intriguing task.

“Are you playing connect the dots with my freckles?” Freddy grinned, his cheeks heating up.

Bashfully she nodded and giggled, “yes”.

He smiled widely, “see you focused and completed something”.

“On something minor, for short time” she argued.

“It’s still focus and you need to respect yourself for doing that. Today is just one of those days in which we need to have a more relaxed atmosphere” he stated as if it were the most simple thing in the world.

Y/n was so beyond grateful for her husband. He always seemed to know how to help her when she was in one of her downhill moods. She couldn’t understand how he comprehended her struggles with such ease and patience. But she was eternally thankful for it.

Unbeknownst to her, when y/n first struggled with her ADHD paralysis/executive dysfunction, Freddy had looked into it. She had tried to explain it to him but kept getting too emotional to effectively do so. Not that he minded. But, he took it upon himself to research the issue and see what ways to best offer her help. Clearly, the research paid off.

Freddy Carter Navigation

Kaz Brekker Navigation

Grishaverse Navigation

Book Boyfriends Navigation

Pin Hathorne Navigation

My Main Masterlist Navigation (All My Works)

Tag list: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @missdreamofendless @nikfigueiredo

[ozimagines]

I wanted to tell you all something but I can’t quite remember… oh, yeah…

HAPPY PRIDE!!!

I’ve been out for about five years now and it was the best decision of my life, even though I lost people I was close to because of it.

Oz is a large part of what helped me get there. I liked men growing up but I liked women too, and when I learned what Non Binary was (Deep South, no education) I fell in love with them too. I watched I Love Lucy and had a crush on both Ricky and Lucy. I thought for the longest time that straightness was a choice because I assumed everyone was attracted to everyone like I am😂 For those who don’t know, I’m pansexual fem-leaning and gender non conforming in my choice of gender expression even though I’m a Cisgender woman.

Watching Tobias Beecher, who had a wife, fall in love with a man and struggle to place these feelings that are so familiar and yet so foreign at the same time. I assumed since I liked men at all, that I just needed to choose to be straight. Watching him try to understand whether or not he was gay, and finally come to terms that he is who he is and labels aren’t always for him made my coming out easier. In fact, he’s the reason I knew I was pan. Because I liked everyone, like him, and the love didn’t feel wrong or lesser when it was for the same sex or non binaries. It just felt like more love.

Fiona empowered me to start expressing my gender the way I wanted. I still dress fairly femme, but I like to spice it up with masculine features and clothes. I like the androgyny, even if I also like my she/her pronouns. I got to see her break the mould on what gender expression was. And she looked gorgeous every step of the way, so I figured I could do the same. Bought a beautiful black suit years ago to impress a girl, and it just felt right.

And not for nothing, but LGBTQIA+ has a higher rate of sexual assault, and I was a few years ago. I think that’s why I gravitate towards Peter Schibetta and James Robson. I understand what it’s like to be taken like that. To be reduced. These characters made me feel like it wasn’t my fault, like I could grow past it and be okay one day. During this pride month, let’s make an extra effort to be there for our brothers, sisters, and siblings who were sexually assaulted or raped for being who they are.

I know this isn’t my usual post, but Oz is my quintessential show for many reasons. It helped me understand that I was gay and feel safe coming out. It helped me feel seen after my assault. It’s discourse on mental health made me feel like a person again. Oz is, and always will be, the show that made me feel like it was okay to be myself, and I hope others had similar experiences.

Also, I’m white, but for years now, have been listening to my POC brothers, sisters, and siblings to hear about intersectionality in the LGBTQIA+ community. Think Billy Keane; being a POC and gay is DIFFICULT sometimes. Being a POC and being non-binary is rough. Its important this pride that we spend extra time on our POC community and make sure they’re okay.

And finally, than you to the allies. I understand that supporting the LGBTQIA+ community, but I lived in the Deep South, and had some straight cis friends who mustered up tremendous courage to stand by me as I figured things out. Yes, people should be supporting us, but sometimes they do to their done detriment in their social or romantic lives. Thank you allies, for making the world a little bit better for us.

Happy Pride; I’ll be focusing on lots on Pride themes this month (not like my page is super straight anyways lol) and hope to hear requests from my LGBTQIA+ followers especially if you want something tailored to your specific experience. Because I know it’s hard to find fanfiction for certain genders or sexualities, so I’ll try to come up with some in my own, but also hope for your creative inspiration in making this Oz themed Pride a wonderful one!

(Im also going to continue writing the asks I’ve gotten before this obviously, lol. I got some BOMB ass requests and I’m just spending lots of time on them to get them right. Some are characters I’ve never written before so I’ve been binging their scenes. All will be out soon!)

[theashrider]

My toxic trait is… taking the lesbian characters I used to ship back when I was gay, and turning them into straight (or at the very least, non-lesbian) ships now that I’m straight.

Without context, it sounds insane and probably homophobic. But I find it really hard to abandon my comfort ships just because I can’t relate to them as well as I used to before.

I started shipping Supercorp before I realized I was trans. In my head I always imagined Kara being non-binary or transgender due to a mismatch in kryptonian-to-human gender concepts. I needed to find comfort in the idea of a character that’s seen as a woman but is actually just incorrectly categorized as female due to her exterior appearance. I made up a gender spectrum for Kryptonians to justify this idea, and I used to daydream about what it would be like to be an alien that isn’t confined to human gender identities. I imagined that getting called Supergirl would cause discomfort and awkwardness because these humans saw long hair and heard a soft voice and decided that this alien, this being from however many light years away, was surely a girl in the way that human girls are. Hell, I even imagined Kryptonians having the ability to regulate their hormone levels and having a wide vocal range that allows them to switch between feminine and masculine tones without needing to practice. I fantasized about having that type of super-human ability to control my body characteristics to finally look and sound the way I did in my mind.

I started watching Xena because I knew it was a popular wlw show, but eventually started imagining Gabrielle as trans in an Ancient Greek time period where trans guys probably couldn’t do anything about it. Then season 5 happened and suddenly Xena was calling Gabrielle the father of her baby and Gabrielle was stepping up to protect their child, and I latched onto the idea of this closeted trans guy who’s living as a woman but still manages to find a way to be a parent and a partner in a non-traditional way. That helped me cope with my inability to medically transition, seeing this short, talkative, feisty character as a closeted trans guy that everyone else (including their partner) saw as a woman. I took comfort that Gabrielle could find a way to be a good partner even without being able to present herself the way she wants to. I’m around the same height as her. I will never be able to change that, and neither can that character. But she is still a father and a bard and a soulmate and all of that transcends the physical reality of her body.

Doctor Who has been my favorite show since I was a kid. It has been present in my life through every phase and new discovery about my identity. I shipped River Song with the Doctor from the moment I realized she wasn’t just a two-episode guest character. Then the Doctor became a woman and we never got to see her interact with her wife. But I wondered what it would be like to have them meet, have them figure out their relationship now that they’re both women. And I started thinking that maybe the Doctor wouldn’t be completely comfortable in a female body, since she’s been living as a man for so much longer. So I decided that, in my head, whenever River and the 13th Doctor met, the Doctor would have a hard time communicating that discomfort with her wife. I imagined that she would crave regenerating back into a man, or maybe regenerating as a cisgender woman who doesn’t feel like she’s a man who looks like a woman. I’ve had times where I wished I was a woman even though I have a female body and brain, just because I can’t imagine women feel the same way trans men do in their minds. So this character that can change the way they look and sound like, really just gave me something to hold onto while I struggled internally over my appearance and my voice.

I wonder whether other trans people have done this with characters they love and take comfort in. I also wonder whether voicing these feelings and ideas in primarily wlw (or mlm) spaces would hurt or offend the members of that community, considering how common straight characters and ships are and always have been. It feels a bit isolating to be in these communities and fandoms but not have anyone to relate to because you’re not really shipping the same people everyone else is shipping. You’re shipping a version of them that you made up, and probably doesn’t match with canon at all. I can’t find many fan works that cater to my headcannons (and I don’t have the artistic ability or time to make them myself) but I also don’t feel like I can ask for them from fandom creators.

I’ve never seen anyone else talk about something like this. I’m interested in finding others who also do this or have done it in the past to take comfort with their own gender identity. And I think I just needed to finally write all of this out.

[storiesofsvu]

Hi! CM anon here. It's been a while since my last message, but I'm back. I'm now in season 8 (I'll be watching the season finale tonight). These past seasons had been quite a journey, the Lauren episode destroyed me, and Garcia's voicemail broke my heart.

I knew that season 8 would be an uphill struggle for me without Prentiss, but I enjoyed it more than I expected, especially with the replicator storyline.

Now, I've seen a lot of ships in the fandom, like everyone with anyone. Since I'm pretty much new in the fandom, I wanted to give it a chance to most of them and I think I have a few favorites already. But I wonder, which ones are yours?

oh hiii!!!!

glad you're back!

omg, the lauren arc is literally what i'll watch when i'm in the mood for cm but also in the mood to cry LOL.

season 8/9 get a lot of flack from people because there is no emily, and i totally understand that. HOWEVER, you get Alex Blake, which is an extremely good addition (i only wish we got to actually see her and emily like, solve a full case together or share time on the team cause that would be incredible). I also found s 8/9 to have a lot of good storylines and episodes. I think they're likely the seasons i've watched the most on repeat since watching cm. If Alex wasn't your cup of tea at first i also find that she grows on you, she's just so soft. i love her so much.

the replicator storyline is so good! i love those eps!!

oooo fun!!

TBH, i don't heavily ship anyone from the show. LOL, i know that's weird, but hear me out, i'll go through the big ones here:

Jemily: incredible potential when it comes to the early seasons, they have this chemistry and unspoken bits that scream more than friends (it's very similar to Cabenson imo, if you're an svu fan). Even like, s6/7 there are still moments of pining, but once they made the choice to write in AJ's pregnancy and have JJ settle down with Will, they ended Jemily. (and dont get me started on the s17/18/evolution jemily cause i literally have to log off twitter over how batshit the fandom is going rn).

I like them, i see the appeal. if Paget hadn't been leaving at the end of s7 and they had gone through and killed Will like they planned (and cbs weren't cowards) i could have seen the natural progression for Jemily to start then (slowly and over the years lol) but otherwise, it's a no for me (CANON) (i do still enjoy it in fics, even if i don't particularly read straight up jemily. if that makes sense).

Hotchniss: i completely and totally understand the appeal and why people ship them, but i simply cannot get behind them. Like, i want them both to run me over but ONLY ever individually. people often are all "but you write hotch and you write emily, why not a hotchniss threesome?" and i simply cannot answer that. I get the bestie, watching out for each other, willing to die on their sword for the other to protect them/their family, supporting each other vibes, and platonic love but i cannot see past that. Part of it is the shitty background writing for characters on this show and Emily's background/history not making a single lick of sense cause he apparently worked for her mother, sometimes its said he knew em when she was a teenager and he was an adult and that makes things super weird. but yeah... i get it, but its not my cup of tea. ESP in fandom when people write them married and dilute emily down to being this shell of a woman who is just a wife/mother and needs his support and protection to survive. like.. what... lol

Morcia: LOVE THEM. i absolutely love the vibe they give and i do think that they were always meant to be best friends. I love the teasing, the flirting with no harm, how much they truly love each other and protect each other.

Willifer: i swap back and fourth a lot on these two. I didn't see any huge issues then i rewatched the earlier stuff. 1: the writers threw them together so fast (again, because of aj's pregnancy) and the first time i didn't even remember him from his original ep by the time he showed up again. My second watch, it was the way he outed her for being pregnant and turning down his proposal in front of the entire team and said she shouldn't be out in the field that made me want to kill him. overall we see them making a happy family together so, in the long run, whatever, but that moment really gave me the ick.

I know you're not there yet, but:

Temily: basically the only ship that i REALLY like. they've got these little moments, tara is someone who comes into em's life later and isn't fully knowledgeable about emily's past, it becomes emily's choice when to reveal those little things, ya know? And i think that would make emily that much more comfortable and confident around her. i *personally* also think that this would be a much more logical step (as of the end of s16 at least lol) in canon than jemily but that's all i'll say to not spoil shit lol.

It's also not really a big ship, or much of one, but you cannot deny JJ/Alex had chemistry over their time together. If we completely ignore Will during those years, it's totally feasible they had a little fling. LOL.

SO.... yeah... i like the little undertones of a lot of ships while watching the show, i wish some of them had been developed a little bit more, like just give us crumbs pls. Others i absolutely despise. Others i have literally zero opinions on. It also very much can and does differ between canon and fanon.

have a great day!! <3

[skidqrow]

🐦‍⬛Work wasn't kind, but I did what I said I'd do! I made it through the shift! And in good news, while double-checking the schedule, my vacation starts a day early! Which means that next Friday will be free and devoted to packing, setting up threads, and relaxing.

I'll be gushing a lil' over some of my writing friends below, as well as going into a bit more detail about my IRL stuff. It's a lot, but I believe most of my mutuals have earned the right to know more about me and my personal life.

(If you don't wanna read it, no biggie! Some of it's gonna be kinda' heavy and I'm sure it'll be long.)

For anyone who has checked in on me (and/or been worried), I'm both sorry and grateful. ;u; You guys are really kind. I'd hardly expected to find such a wonderful group of writers when I rejoined. From @wintereign and a few others helping me reacclimate to writing on Tumblr and @caeloservare going out of their way to consistently chat and check on me, you lot have been among the best co-writers I could ask for. Definitely the best I've had in a long while, outside of my darling wife.

But I promise: I'm okay. I'm doing my best with support from my wife and occasionally the friends I've made as I write. I also go to therapy as often as I can afford to, I take my antidepressants, and (when the paperwork is working for me) I try to stay stocked up on my ADHD meds. I just constantly struggle with working a late-night shift in an overstimulating environment on overnight shift and within a system that doesn't want to accommodate my needs as a neurodivergent individual. And on bad days at work, it can really cause my energy, motivation, and focus to dip. Certainly doesn't help my depression and anxiety, I'll tell ya. I only discovered last year I officially had these issues via professional diagnosis sessions, and I've been fighting with work ever since to get onto an easier assignment. Yet therapy has really helped me learn about my needs and coping mechanisms, and now I can proudly say that I'm improving as a person. It really helps to look back at all the progress I've made at times.

Whenever I get my mood dips, it's always temporary. I might disappear for a day or two at times, but I can't stay away too long. :p The threads I read here and the passion people share over their characters/stories keep bringing me back! You guys are really good for my mental health, I think.

Anyway, I gabbed on long enough! I need to get to bed soon!

[forerussake]

Triptych WIP 👁️????

Ohhh yay i was really hoping someone would ask about that!!!

Triptych is a very special and important story to me. Maybe the most meaningful intricate plot I’ve ever come up with, and i’m not sure i’m ever going to be able to actually write it all down but i’m very happy to talk about it to anyone who is interested :) Before i do that though: Content warning for discussion of mental health problems and a suicide mention. Please don’t continue reading if that might upset you! I’ll happily tell you about one of my other WIPs ❤️

Then to the fic:

Triptych, the official title of what I also like to call the Metaphorical Serpent Modern!AU, is a modern!AU adaptation of the Yin Yang Master: Dream of Eternity movie. It doesn’t really follow the events of the movie except for in one significant way, but is heavily inspired by it and its characters. The starting premise of it is that the serpent battle from the movie isn’t actually a real battle against a real serpent, but a metaphor Qingming (who in this AU is a psychiatrist) has at some point come up with to reflect the struggle with mental illness that his patients face. In this AU Qingming’s Spirit Guardians from the movie are all his (current or former) patients.

The story is mainly about Killing Stone, alternatively just called Mr. Stone, a middle school geography teacher who has been struggling with depression ever since the death of his wife, and who decides one night that he is going to end his life. The story begins when Boya manages to convince him not to, and takes him to the hospital, where he meets Mad Painter and Snow Hound, who are there for similar reasons. He quickly befriends them, and they eventually offer him a place to stay at their house, so he won’t have to go back home to his own empty apartment. From there the serpent metaphor looms overhead as the story describes their developing relationship and the wonders and woes of cohabitation, all the while incorporating as many YYM characters as possible. In this way it tells of how, through loss and love, Killing Stone finds himself again, and learns to become Living Stone instead.

In short, Triptych, called that after its three main characters, is a story about friendship and love, about fear and loss, about strength in the face of adversity, and finding community where one least expects it, about how, even though the serpent cannot always be vanquished, it can at times be put to rest. Mainly, Triptych is a story about hope ❤️

Phew, that became long. Thanks for allowing me to ramble about this story, which may not ever be written but still has a very special place in my heart 😊😊

[heliads]

So because there can’t be enough drama (if you don’t want to write that it’s okay!): Male squaller that is now married to Genya, travelling with the darkling (basically being a second Zoya) on the hunt for the amplifiers with the kidnapped Alina. However when Stormhound arrives he realises how dangerous the darkling is, throwing Genya onto the other ship and saving her this way. Now the one who gets tortured by the shadow monsters, always forgetting their names, is him (since he clearly worked against the darkling and the darkling probably is like „who needs two squallers that are fiercely loyal when you already have zoya?“) and when they finally met each other at the chapel he is convinced he isn’t worthy of Genyas love anymore because of the scars. Pretty dark, but at least he is staying alive in this one 😹

i love drama with all my heart

masterlist

It is a difficult thing, realizing that you might be on the wrong side of a war. It is worse knowing that your friends were aware of the truth all along and failed to convince you to come to the right side. Now, you’re stuck among monsters, wondering if you’ll ever get a chance to switch sides or if you'll be doomed to die with the wrong people. 

Being trapped on a ship with somebody who you’re now growing to appreciate is the enemy certainly doesn’t help matters either. The Darkling has always been cold, always shifty, but now you can add treacherous to that mix.

It’s not the best place to be at the moment, to say the least. Factor in the fact that you also got your wife into this mess and you’re looking at far more risk than you’d ever like. Outside the protective walls of Os Alta, the danger seems to be heightened tenfold. Your mixed feelings only add to that paranoia.

Usually, this is the point at which you go to your wife and beg for her counsel. Genya Safin is brilliant at strategy, a fact that bewilders most people who don’t know her well. They take one glance at her then stop cold, thinking that gilded trappings and pretty, batting lashes are all they need to gauge someone’s character.

You thought differently. Perhaps that’s why you were lucky enough to marry her. Since you first arrived at the Little Palace and were able to practice your gifts as a Squaller without fear of death, all of your memories have seemed to glow with light, but your wedding day shines with an entirely different kind of power. Images of Genya smiling at you and reciting her vows are the sorts of things that never leave a person. Even a man as tormented as you.

You’ve come to rely on Genya’s advice, but in times like these, she’s just as worried as you are. Ever since Alina ran from the Grand Palace the night of the Winter Fete, ever since the Sun Summoner was dragged back and had those antlers locked around her throat, ever since she blew up the skiff and ran, Genya has been conflicted. Some part of her wonders if she’s truly doing the right thing. You wish you could help ease her mind, but you’re struggling with the same thoughts.

After all, what proof do you have that the Darkling’s side truly is the right one? Yes, he supported you as a young Grisha in need of a home, and yes, he protected the practitioners of the Small Science like no one else, but he’s done some terrible things as well. Alina tried to tell you that the Darkling was the one to create the Shadow Fold in the first place. Maybe she was right.

The two of you are reminded of this revelation in twofold now that Alina is back with you again. The Darkling managed to capture her and that otkazat’sya tracker, Mal Oretsev, a short while ago, and now you’re all on the same ship, searching for a new amplifier. You have no idea if you’ll truly be able to find the sea whip, but you seem to be growing closer by the day, if Mal’s restless mutterings are to be believed.

As more time passes, you find yourself convinced that the Darkling is in the wrong. You’ve seen how he keeps Alina locked away, how he leverages lives in an effort to regain the Sun Summoner as a weapon. Genya doesn’t want to talk about it, but you get the feeling she’s starting to come around, too.

It is now, in the depths of your terrifying revelations, that you gain a new piece of information. It was not meant to drift to your ears, this conversation, but any words whispered on the air have a way of making their way to a nearby Squaller. You and Zoya learned this trick a while ago, and you use it now to great effect.

The secret you learn is that the captain of this ship, Sturmhond, is planning on deceiving the Darkling as soon as the sea whip is found. He’ll have another ship join up and then ferry Alina, Mal, and the mythical beast away under the guise of an attack.

Seeing as you’re supposedly on the Darkling’s side, you have free rein over the ship, able to wander wherever you see fit. This allows you to visit Sturmhond’s office later and present him with a deal:  you won’t tell the Darkling about the privateer’s upcoming escape attempt if he takes Genya with him.

At first, Stumhond isn’t having it. He has no proof that you or Genya won’t turn him in anyway, and besides, he only counted on having two extra mouths to feed. It takes a bit of bargaining, but you think you’ve managed to win the captain over. The only problem is that you’ll have to find a way to get Genya onto Sturmhond’s ship when it pulls up, a feat which will be difficult to accomplish in the middle of the fight.

Regardless, you’re willing to do it. Alina needs a shot to free all of you from the Darkling’s influence, and you need an opportunity to get your wife to safety. You harbor no illusions about being to escape alongside Genya; the Darkling will be fighting to reclaim all passengers trying to leave him, there’s no way you’d be able to flee as well. If you’re lucky, Genya can make it over, but not you.

That’s a fate you’re willing to accept, however. You bide your time, and soon enough Mal is shouting that the sea whip is within sight. Harpoons are launched and the beast is dragged close to the ship. You have to hand it to Sturmhond, he picked his moment well. In all the tumult of trying to capture the sea whip, no one notices another ship approaching, especially not with Sturmhond’s Squallers conjuring up mists to disguise it. You’re certainly not about to inform the Darkling otherwise.

Before you know it, dozens of rogue sailors are appearing out of nowhere, securing the sea whip to their ship instead. You see Alina and Mal being tossed over to the ship, and through the chaos of the scene, you see Stumhond nod once at you. It’s time.

Genya is by your side; she doesn’t like to leave you, not when both of you feel so threatened by the Darkling’s wrath. You pull her close one last time, and whisper in her ear that you love her, you always will. Genya has just enough time to realize what you’re about to do. Her face drops with horror, but you’re spreading your hands, using your gifts as a Squaller to lift her carefully to the other ship. 

With the last of your energy, you join Sturmhond’s Grisha in pushing the Darkling’s ship away. You sense shadows looming around you, and then all is lost. The last sound you hear of your lover is her scream carried over to you by the whistling winds, begging you to return to her. You’re not sure that you will.

Although all Grisha feel protected by the Darkling’s might, none of you much like the idea of crossing him. The Darkling’s temper is infamous, his ideals of revenge bloody and brutal. You have the chance to understand that fully now that you’ve betrayed him by helping Genya and the others escape.

You are not sure of where you are, nor where you got where you did. All you know is pain, neverending pain, the howls of the Darkling’s merzost shadow creatures as they tear into your flesh and bone. The Darkling wants information, but you have none. You did not turn him into a rival agency, you simply wanted to protect your wife. He keeps searching, expecting some corner of your mind to give up your secrets if he applies enough pain, but there is nothing. Still, he keeps looking.

The names disappear first from your head. You’d thought it would be the faces. Usually, that’s how memories work, isn’t it? You picture scenes from your past but the characters themselves are blurred, blocked from you forever by an inability to remember the details. As the torture progresses, you start to forget just why you’d betrayed the Darkling that day on the ship. 

It was for someone, you remember that. A woman. A brief thought occurs to you that she was yours, but it disappears just as quickly. There’s a ring in your finger, but you can’t remember why. Those gaps in your memory aren’t enough to convince you to remove it, though. Something much deeper than your own distinct thoughts keeps the ring with you.

The pain stops eventually. It might be months later, maybe only weeks, but it is for quite a long time indeed. You run your hands over your face when that light pressure doesn’t produce agony and marvel at what your fingers find. You had a vague recollection of what you looked like, but the deep scars and gouges in the skin are new. One of your eyes is gone, plucked from your skull as penance. An eye for an eye. The Darkling was always quite literal in his threats.

There are fragments of memories swirling around in your subconscious. A woman with red hair, smiling at you and only you. The churning of a restless sea. Someone screaming a name that could be yours. You suppose you’ll never know why or how it happened. There is only the pain, and then the uneasy restlessness of being alone in endless darkness.

The Darkling comes for you again, forcing you to walk with him. He travels a great distance to somewhere that seems familiar. The merzost creatures snap at you, reminding you how much they enjoy the taste of your blood. You stay by yourself. You stare at your hands, which have remained untouched. Although the Darkling punishes traitors, he would never rob a Grisha of their gift. That is his idea of mercy.

You are needed some time later. The Darkling stands in the ruins of a church. He surveys a battered and bruised group of Grisha before him. They can’t see you, not yet, so you have a chance to study them. A quiet voice in your head whispers in shock that this can’t be it, that surely there are more of you. You have no idea what would tell it otherwise.

A girl at the front of the group, dark-haired, holds up her hands and they glow with light, forcing the shadows back. Another young woman stands at her side, her face as entrancing as a fantasy. Something twists in your throat, bringing tears to your eyes, and you realize she’s the redheaded woman from your dreams, the one who refuses to let you rest. Genya. Your Genya. Yours no longer.

As if reading your mind, the Darkling extends an arm, and you’re forced to your feet. Genya’s face contorts with horror, and you feel sickness expand in your stomach. She is beautiful, always has been, and what are you now? Some scarred thing, a wreck of blood and bone. If you were ever fit for her, you certainly aren’t now.

The sun-girl raises her arms, shouting for the rest to go. You stay motionless, waiting to die, but Genya rushes forward, dragging you back with her. You move on instinct, running with the rest of the pack until you stop moving. You hear whispers that you’re protected by the Soldat Sol and you’re in a place called the White Cathedral. You don’t like to talk to anyone much, even after the running starts and the hiding begins. The others have a way of staring and muttering that you don’t much like.

There is one person who refuses to leave you alone, though, and that is Genya. At first, you cannot fathom why. She keeps up a happy bubble of conversation, utterly one-sided. It only faltered once, and that was when the dark robe you wear shifted back to reveal your scarred hands. She saw the ring on your finger, how you stubbornly clutch to it like it might save your life, and burst into tears.

She was better after that, and slowly, carefully, you remember why it might have upset her. Genya is your wife. You are her husband. She thought you were dead, and in truth, you might be, but even in the midst of life-ending pain, you kept your wedding ring. That is love if nothing else.

As the memories start to piece themselves together again, you tell Genya to leave. She doesn’t deserve to be stuck with someone like you for the rest of your life. You are the thorns to her rose, scars and grief compared to a flawless image. She refuses every time, recounting how you’d stood by her when she needed help. You were the only one who saw her as more than a face, she said, and now she’ll do the same with you.

It will take a while to fully let yourself believe her. It will take longer to mend and heal and come back to who you were. Still, you think you’d like to try. It would be nice to be you again. It is good, then, that you have someone by your side who remembers who that was.

requested by @schroedingers-kater, i hope you enjoy!

grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @mxltifxnd0m, @story-scribbler, @thatfangirl42, @retvenkos, @amortensie, @gods-fools-heroes, @bl606dy, @auggie2000

[lemonhemlock]

Thoughts on Maegor i and Aenys i ?

not a ton of super developed thoughts, but i did ponder a bit on targaryen foundational myths here with the choice of these two very, very different personalities as brothers. i also have a maegor tag for some fun back-and-forth with the ole anons

generally-speaking i enjoy maegor as a character bc he is SO over-the-top and his actions are so tremendously villainous it goes into moustache-twirling territory for me & i can't take him seriously. nearly every paragraph in his story legit makes me want to make the sign of the holy cross on myself. i, a reddit atheist. (jk jk) his stans are very, very strange though. i'm wary of targnation people who say they like maegor; they manage to come up with the most headache-inducing takes.

that being said!!! i feel like there should be more maegor content?? like, there are so many interesting - and dark! - avenues fans could explore via headcanons and fics. for example, i kind of think maegor/rhaena has a lot of potential as the fandom's next problematic ship that could start wars and get people cancelled? off the page she does feel a little like the one who got away in that visenya's marriage proposal between maegor and rhaena gets rejected, but he still ends up marrying her. you could even say he goes out of his way to do it?? by killing her brother-husband and defying the Faith's dogma (yet again!!) to marry her?? he even names her daughter aerea as his heir??

i mean, he was relentless in trying to get a son of his own, so there wasn't really any need for him to do that. he went so long without a named heir and took three (!) additional wives for this very purpose, so why would he suddenly feel the need to name a little girl? i wonder if he didn't do it out of some sentiment, since that little girl was rhaena's specifically. if he were to die without children, why would he even care who succeeded him anyway? jaehaerys and alysanne were also alive, yet he chose aerea specifically.

also rhaena is said to have tried to kill him during their wedding night, so that sounds pretty spicy! yet maegor with the terrible temper tantrums is not mad at her and names her daughter his heir the next day? while disinheriting jaehaerys? crazy! but! when rhaena flees!! he orders the hightowers to behead rhaella as punishment! what a silly goofy guy hhhehe! idk, i just find it interesting.

maegor also seems to have a bit of a power struggle with alyssa velaryon as well, i'm surprised he didn't try to marry her too. there is something to this idea of maegor ridding himself of his male relatives so as to rule over / control the female members of his family. maegor as the most unlikely (and awful) president of the targaryen ladies fanclub - there's a concept to ruminate over

another one of maegor's marriages which i find under-discussed is his first one, with ceryse hightower. the high septon's niece. not the most well-matched couple, though? she's 23, he's 13. so why? an attempt at assimilation mayhaps? the hightowers trying to integrate the targaryens further into westerosi society? (the faith was opposed to his marriage to rhaena) in any case, they were married for 14 years before maegor got a second wife, yet we have no information on how they got along. ceryse always maintained she was maegor's rightful and only wife. the dynamic with alys and tyanna must have been insane.

to come back a little to aenys. the idea that this weakling king managed to have such a fruitful marriage and sire so many children (and was popular with the ladies too!) whereas maegor was an abject failure in that regard.... lends itself to some narrative irony. :))

[elderemorune]

Dad of Light/My Dad

So I just found out about Dad of Light.

For those unfamiliar, let me set a baseline for you. I'm a big fan of Final Fantasy 14, as mentioned previously. I get really into being a part of a community, and love playing the role of tank. Carrying my party through a dungeon and taking the hits as we fight back the forces of darkness suits me perfectly.

The game's been around a long time. The first version came out in 2010 with A Realm Reborn relaunching the game in 2013.

You may have heard some stories, about how fans of Kentaro Miura all dressed up as Dark Knights and formed a line in the major cities in the game to mourn his tragic passing.

And that's but a single facet of this lovely game.

Dad of Light is a Netflix project that came out in 2017, following the tale of a young man (Akio) who bonded with his dad (Hirotaro) over Final Fantasy when he was a kid.

Years down the line, Hirotaro suddenly quits his job without telling his family. Akio is concerned and decides to try to reconnect with his father by purchasing a PlayStation 4 and Final Fantasy XIV for him. With the help of his Free Company and friends, Aru and Kirin, Akio plans to use his character Maidy to befriend his father and discover why he quit his job.

Now, I haven't watched this yet. I literally just started, and it got me thinking about how much I love Eorzea, and how much I love MY dad.

See, stories about fathers and sons ALWAYS fuck me up. For a lot of reasons, but I think chiefly because I wish my dad was like any of these dramatized men. That he could apologize, mean it, and change his behaviour.

He's done part of the work. He apologized for being a rage monster when I was a child. For holding me to impossible standards that even he would have struggled to meet. He meant it when he took me aside in June of 2021 and told me he was sorry.

And the behaviour DID change, for awhile. We worked together at his tech startup (which is still just he and I), and we were doing amazing work. I was learning web design and constantly improving my own skills, because I wanted to be able to help him more.

Then his therapist retired, and he stopped doing the work to be better.

Then he put my wife and I in an incredibly uncomfortable living situation with my sister and her husband that mostly entailed her being entitled to everything, and when we'd put boundaries in place she'd just lose her shit. Then dad would step in, say something like "Don't make me choose between my kids" and fuck off like that would fix a damn thing when she was breaking the lease, up to and including bringing her then boyfriend in without even asking us if he could move in.

Then when we left that situation, he said he couldn't afford to pay Seattle wages.

So I left the company (under the impression that I had been let go), and I lived off savings for a few months after we got here. I scrounged for work, and had recruiters telling me I was worth way more than I was looking for, but that they couldn't find me work that paid the figures they were telling me I deserved.

It took awhile for us to even get things sorted here. We'd moved across the state to escape from my sister, and so that my wife could finally go to college. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find a job that fit me. I worked for a temp agency for a bit, did a job for a big company answering emails. I figured it'd be fine, it's just emails. Turns out the customer service culture at the company was something along the lines of "All of our customers are literally the worst, we wish they'd just go away, but also we have to pay attention to super fine details when doing our emails so..."

I lasted ten days. Then I asked for my job back with Dad. Things have been better between us since he no longer owns our home or our car. But the condescension is still there. The frustration when I don't get topics he sees as simple.

He may have meant the apology, but a lot of the behaviour didn't change.

It makes me wonder what it would be like, if it started snowing in hell and I convinced the man to take up the mantle of Warrior of Light with me. Would he even let me tank for him? Or would he just run ahead and get mad when he died? Would he make fun of me for playing cross-gender? (Slicks M'Harbeck is the coolest, fucking fight me.) Or would he let me take the center stage and just let me help him for once?

I dunno.

I often say I love my dad, but I wouldn't wish him on anyone. None of my friends like him. My wife doesn't like him. But I love him. I know who he is, how he can be. He raised me, after all. It's hard to care for him because of his judgmental perspective, the way he was raised, all of it. I know some of his trauma, and it's not like I blame him for it.

But if I can be better, why can't he?

And stay that way?

I miss my dad.

Update: Just finished the first episode. I spent the entire time crying. I'm so incredibly jealous of the relationship that Akio and Hirotaro had. And so happy they could have it.

[novantinuum]

top 5 side characters (from anything at all)

Oooooh side characters... that's a good question... I think I'll pick my fav side character from my most recent fandoms, one from each.

5) (Doctor Who) Missy- This incarnation of the Master is always very fun to watch, because her actress Michelle Gomez absolutely spends every second chewing the scenery clear off the walls. I also always enjoyed how they gave her a clear character arc in the seasons she appeared in- plus, it was lovely to see an incarnation of the Master who wasn't clear-cut "evil" as past ones have been, but rather Chaotic Neutral, and just in the game for the benefit of herself.

4) (The Legend of Zelda) Revali. A lot of the gaming community drags on this one, but I think there's a ton of interesting threads one can pull from what little we get of him in BotW canon that lend towards a fascinating picture of an incredibly insecure young warrior who's lashing out against someone (Link) who he sees as gaining everything he ever wanted but never working a second for it, as opposed to his hard, years-long struggle in perfecting his special flying ability. It's sad, in the end- because had he realized that Link was burdened by his own destiny and worked just as hard as he had to himself feel "deserving" of it, I bet they might've been able to find something to connect over, and became friends.

3) (The Adventure Zone) Barry Bluejeans- Goddammnit, FUCK YOU BARRY BLUEJEANS for having such a stupid ass name and making me CRY over you in just one 5 minute prologue! I really, really love this NPC... there's such a deep tragedy to his story- losing his wife and his whole found family and not even being able to remember that they're gone while in human form- and yet, every time he dies and goes back into lich form and remembers it all, still he manages to pick himself up and try again. Work harder. Work smarter. Set himself up for success each time he clones himself and returns to his human form to make his plan work. He fights tirelessly for YEARS without an ounce of thanks just because he loves his family and the world they've entered so much that he wants to make sure they'll all be safe, in the end. What a man.

2) (Gravity Falls) Fiddleford McGucket- For such an otherwise funny but unremarkable joke character back in season 1, it was amazing how the writers were ultimately able to transform him into such a tragic figure, and utilize him to give context to why the whole town literally pays no heed to any of the weirdness going on all around them. He's the sort of character who gives the show amazing re-watch energy- at this point, when I go back through the show, every single appearance he has just makes me feel incredibly sad- AND a lot of his otherwise "random" or "quirky" characteristics start to make a lot more sense. He's a man who lives in the dump, but is capable of building incredibly complex machines?" He's a literal genius mechanic who's simply gone through severe memory slippage. Said memory slippage? Self-inflicted by a memory erasing device he invented himself. Said memory erasing device? Has been used in the years since to purge the town of their memories of the supernatural. His backstory blasts open a whole new door of lore possibilities in this show. Love him.

1) (Steven Universe) Connie Connie Connie Connie Connie- Connie, my LOVE- I feel like by the end of the show she's grown into more of a main character than just a side, but that shows perhaps just HOW much wonderful development she gets throughout her journey. She grew from a timid young girl unsure of herself and her place in the world around her, to a fierce teen who has purpose, ambitions, and has a whole constellation of connections and confidants ready to cheer her on. I'm really proud of her <3

Every single time she showed up on screen for a new episode I got like, indescribably happy and went "damn this is going to be a good one," and basically every single SU reactor I've seen has had the same experience, so I think that alone shows how beloved Connie is, and how well written a character she is too. It's always great to have such a grounded presence amidst characters living in a world of fantasy.

[shamelessrabbithole]

honestly yes!!! it seems he hasn't experience real friendships in his life, or maybe a real connection with someone? since hes always moving and meeting people. i picture it like a kid getting a new toy and tossing the others? im sure this isn't something he does knowingly but as years go by i always see him changing in a way that doesn't seem natural. as if he's trying to find what fits him (aesthetic, passion, style, friendships?) but struggles with it. which often includes not liking the people you're friends anymore or not feeling them like you used to. if we take his new interest towards madison he also started following lots of people and places she goes to/knows and by the way he spoke of her in his stories it looks like he's idolising her a tad too much? i do wonder if that might be the cause of being a child actor having to be different characters costantly, always moving, meeting different people and not being able to stick with some for long? i mean shameless cast! yes! that's the longest he might have had but when the show ended i felt like he detached himself from it! it might sound weird but the actress of tami? she seems to fit better with them than cameron who has been around since day one! i also think of jeremy how he's very famous now but you see how he's around his old castmates (him and shanola esp!) or that before divorcing his now ex wife, she was his best friend and a costant throughout his life! i'm thinking of emma and ethan, they see each others as brother and sister and i can tell they're really fond of one another and you might think that would be the same for jeremy and cameron since they had so many scenes together, grew up together and were very close all those years? it would be wonderful to analyse this guy from up close, so many questions we will never know a proper answer!

I’m pretty sure that Cam has certain friends that have been around for a long, long time. That includes Noah Silver and Madison Beaty. He also has his ride-or-dies, like Isidora. Then, he’s made additional friends from all of his various projects that are more like acquaintances that are part of a larger professional network. He may not see them all the time but I’m betting when they are at events or parties together, they fall back into old, friendly social patterns.

To me, that’s very similar to how most people conduct themselves, even outside of Hollywood. Especially single people because they go through phases where they’re hanging out almost exclusively with a significant other and their mutual friend group. Then the relationship ends so the circle of friends shifts and changes to something else.

I don’t think Cam is someone lacking in real or meaningful friendships. Like, at all.

[letadlock]

Eden of the East

Right off the bat I wondered if this series would touch on biblical allegory of the stories of Adam and Eve and Cain and Able like in John Steinbeck’s East of Eden. It took a quick google search of this series synopsis to realize there are no similarities to Steinbeck’s novel but what I did find was an overarching idea of corrupted work culture, Neoliberalism, and the rising trend of Japanese NEET culture.   

After a series of terrorist attacks called “Careless Monday,” Japanese college graduate Saki Morimi visits the white house to make a wish by throwing a quarter through the gate. This catches the attention of the police who go to question Saki but are distracted by a naked Akira Takizawa who gets the police off Saki’s trail only to leave and run around the DC trying to find his apartment.  

Later in the episode as they make their way through the DC airport Saki tells Akira about how she views the White House as the center of the world, the “root” of all problems from the little ones she faces to the world as a whole. She mentions a trend in Japan going on “right now” (2010) leaving her feeling as if there is nothing people can do for themselves, that she needs to make a wish to the government for change. Already touching on the philosophical definition of Neoliberalism in our lecture from the first episode, Saki is looking for a government action even from outside Japan to help Japanese people over their economic issues created by Neoliberalism.

In episode 5 Akira meets one of the NEET’s he originally thought he had taken out. The NEET originally dogs on Akira for dumping him and the rest of the NEETs in Dubai but eventually thanks him because he was able to turn his life around and find a wife. This episode shows an alternative to the solution of Japanese NEET culture where characters like this man can still turn their life around despite years of fiending off their parents.  

On the flip side, this episode also highlights corruption and difficulty entering the Japense workforce through Saki’s interview experience. After a failed interview where the boss not only rejects her but spills a bowl of ramen on her she meets with Akira to answer a few questions. Saki reveals how she had already turned down an interview at one company because they were looking for young people to take advantage of by giving them little pay. Yet another occurrence of a need for change from Neoliberalism is displayed through this scene and Akira realizes this is his way of saving Japan. By changing the work system Saki and others like her who struggle to find a job he decides he wants to create a system differing from Neoliberalism that would give young people like her job opportunity where they won’t be taken advantage of. At the same time this solution would also solve the issue of the NEET’s. If the work system were changed more people would be less likely to turn away from society all together.  

While not entirely the same, I feel some of Saki’s frustration with the workforce in the US. As a college student it’s difficult to obtain any job that doesn’t pay just above minimum wage. I’ve also had post-graduate friends express their similar dissatisfaction in fear that their degree does not hold very high value now that higher education has become the standard after high school. It seems now that less and less people in my generation are opting for work-your-way-up positions because of difficult entry barriers.  

Episode 9 opens up with Yutaka Itazu, who is a NEET with an alarm clock indicating he will always be a NEET. He loses his pants as they are drying in the wind and we cut to a scene many years later where his pants are still missing, and he hasn’t left his apartment since. Yukata is a talented hacker but at the cost of having never integrated into society. He even says to Saki in the episode he’s a “shut-in” who “hasn’t left the place in years.” As mentioned in our professor's lecture the growing social concern of NEET’s is a result of the arduous entry into the Japanese workforce. In one sense Yukata is an exception to the traditional NEET’s portrayed in this show in that he serves the group by working as their hacker.  

I am satisfied with how this series wrapped up. Akira was not able to stop the missiles but he did have them striked down so they would be out of harm's way for everyone. I liked that it referenced the workplace issues going on in Japan at the time it was aired and even offered a solution to people shunned away from Neoliberalism.

[asteral-feileacan]

*Cracks knuckles and pulls up my absurdly long fandoms list*

Thank you for the tag, @fanfictasia! :D I'm resisting the urge to write "because they are blorbo" after each and every one of them. help.

1. Katniss Everdeen

Both book-Katniss and movie-Katniss have always been very alluring to me as a character (characters?). I recently re-read the books and found myself very... understood, I guess, in Katniss as I travelled through the Games with her. She's very family-oriented, won't even consider allowing anything bad to happen to her mother or her sister(who would've had a place on this list if she didn't have to compete with the other characters I picked), and I think that's very noble. She's also unashamedly snarky, but has the presence of mind to feel guilty over hurting others.

2. Anne Shirley-Cuthbert

What can I say? Anne's journey inspired me a lot - both in the show and the books. She's a spunky little kid who unwittingly gets into a lot of trouble, and it's almost always her own fault. But at her heart, she's sweet, compassionate, passionate and imaginative. As a child, and perhaps even now, I had/have a lot in common with her, which I think is part of what drew me to her. Dreamers find dreamers, after all!

3. Aragorn

Disney princes? Psh. Aragorn is the only King I'll recognise. He struggles a lot with what his heritage means, even shunning it for much of the series, books or movies, but he has a sense of nobility, won't leave anyone behind, has the intelligence/compassion needed to let Frodo go his own way and is just generally a badass. He'll slay armies of orcs and cry for fallen friends in the same breath. When he becomes king, you get the distinct sense that this is a man who will not let his people down, and he's already proved again and again who he is and what he's made of. Here, king, you dropped this while you were setting Nazgul on fire: ����

4. Cullen Bohannon

Cullen is a tired man who begins driven cold and callous with vengance, and ends up broken but determined to protect the love he finds, even putting up his guns at one point. The Mormon arc shows that he's willing to step up, even to a task as big as becoming a father again. He has a sense of honour which flickers in the early seasons as he dispassionately murders the men responsible for his first wife and son's deaths. But as he finds friends, loves, enemies, his attitude begins to shift, until suddenly him being forced to kill again is something he fears. He maintains the drive that got him to build not one, but TWO different railroads, but ultimately realises that what he wants is love, and leaves to start a future with Mei. Cullen could be infuriatingly stubborn at times, and very emotionally constipated, but I was hooked from the first episode and he softened a lot. <3

5. Bucky Barnes

You knew it was coming. And if you didn't, I don't know what to tell you. Bucky is one of my favourite characters of ALL time; I always come back to Bucky in the end. He's a wonderful big brother, and didn't deserve any of the pain and suffering he went through. He's slowly regaining little bits and pieces that you can just tell are pre war!bucky, but all the while discovering new parts of himself as he relearns how to be Bucky Barnes. It's wonderful to watch him forge his path ahead, even if current Marvel suck at dealing with their characters. </3

6. San

This list would not be complete without a Studio Ghibli character. As it so happens, we have TWO Ghibli characters today! San is one of my favourites because, well, Princess Mononoke has been my comfort movie since I was very small, and she's just really cool, okay? I adore how San's rabid, fearless determination to kill Eboshi changes through the movie, culminating with her accepting that it doesn't mean anything.

The scenes of Ashitaka recovering mid-movie are some of my favourites in any movie. They're gorgeous, and San helping him is very sweet. "You're beautiful" and her reaction always gets me choked up.

7. Nausicaa

Look. If Aragorn is the only King I'll accept, Nausicaa is probably the greatest princess this world has ever seen. Her heart is massive, leading her to despise and actively try to stop war/conflict, to adopt non-lethal alternatives to dealing with the insects and even the Tolmekian warriors. She's (presumably) the first person to try to study the toxic jungle rather than fear it, and is successful in her endeavours. Not only does she figure out how to purify the plants, she quickly realises why the jungle exists in the first place when she falls beneath the ground with Asbel. Not to mention she literally sacrifices her life with 100% certainty of death in a bid to stop the Ohmu from destroying the valley.

8. Anakin Skywalker

It'd be weird if I didn't have Anakin on this list, so here he is. I think he's cool, and it's heartbreaking to watch his Fall to the dark side. He started life stuck in slavery, and once he got out didn't see his mom again until she was dying in his arms, amidst a number of other horrible encounters throughout his life. On top of that, he was groomed by Palpatine under the noses of the people who were supposed to protect him. Regardless, he's the Chosen One, and very powerful.

9. Dale Cooper

OBVIOUSLY! Cooper is a ray of sunshine and I will brook no argument on that front. He's just an adorable goofy guy and I love him <3 He comes into Twin Peaks to solve Laura Palmer's murder, probably expecting something a little more straightforward, and when it turns out that this is freakier than expected, Dale Cooper goes "lol okay" and adjusts his methods to keep up. He's nothing like the standard snooty self-entitled FBI agent archetype other media has made me used to (or Albert, if we want an example straight from the show, but Albert has unexpected moments too). I love him. <3

10. Harry Truman

Look. You can't have Cooper without Harry. It's a package deal, you get one you get the other. In all seriousness, Harry is the embodiment of a golden retriever. Living in Twin Peaks and as the sheriff, no less, he probably would have had to get used to dealing with some pretty whacky occurrences on the daily. Or just regular small-town life. He's a pretty chill guy and instantly becomes best friends with Cooper. It's actually so painful to watch him get manipulated by Josie. Damn you, Josie, how dare you hurt my Harry! (no, no, I'm not complaining, it meant we got a Cooper & Harry hug)

Yep, that's about it! There are some characters I couldn't put in because of the limit, but these give you a pretty good idea of my taste in fictional blorbos. I also don't really have anyone to tag, so uh as usual, if you're seeing this from me, you're now contractually obligated to fill it in.

10 Fandoms, 10 Characters, 10 Tags

Thank you so much @idle-brit for tagging me!This was lots of fun :) 💖

My tags: @delyth88, @elymusplant, @galaxythreads, @chemical-processes. No pressure to answer, of course :)

1. Loki (MCU)

As much as I love everyone on this list, there is absolutely no competition for number 1. Loki has been my favourite character of all time for nearly 6 years now (because clearly the best time to join someone's fandom is after they've just been murdered), and is showing absolutely no signs of being replaced anytime soon. I have a Loki blog, for god's sake. The brodinsons are my favourite relationship in any kind of media, ever. I love them so, so much. Loki's a million different things and feelings, all at the same time, all fighting with each other, which makes for a wonderfully complex and nuanced character. Also, he's hilarious. Look at that eye roll. This is a man who hates his life, which makes me feel better about mine. Thanks, Loki.

2. Klaus Hargreeves (The Umbrella Academy)

As will become obvious throughout this list, I love me an emotionally traumatised crazy person. Klaus is that. One of the characters who makes me laugh the most, ever, show-stopping dress sense, and a bucketload of unresolved trauma which goes largely ignored by Klaus, the other characters and the narrative itself? It was love at first sight. Their banter with the other characters, especially Ghost Ben (rip) is one of my favourite aspects of the show. Here's to hoping that Klaus won't be getting the Allison treatment in season 4!

3. Pippa Fitz-Amobi (A Good Girl's Guide to Murder)

I binge-read the entire AGGTM series earlier this year, and instantly fell in love with it. Pip is one of my favourite protagonists ever. Impossibly clever, compassionate, obsessive, badass, and a teensy bit unhinged. What's not to love? I would die for her. I'd say that I'd kill for her, but I think she's got that covered. I think she's written in a very realistic way, firstly as a genius 17 year old girl who doesn't really know what she's getting into, and later as a haunted individual who wants to stop investigating but can't. The way she politely knocks on people's front doors to dig up their traumas, accuse them of murder and all-round ruin their lives is everything to me. She is my blorbo. I am so, so excited for the show to come out, and I'm sure that Emma Myers will do a wonderful job as Pip!

4. Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games)

One of the best-written characters, in one of the best-written series ever. Reading from her perspective is such a delight- she's endlessly suspicious of everyone around her, constantly on survival mode, trusting very few people and relying on exactly no one (to begin with, at least). She's a random teenage girl, from the poorest district, and she wins the Hunger Games. She's so mentally unstable that she has to be sedated, and still she's made to be the face of a rebellion. She's rude, and kind of unlikeable. She adopts all the weakest tributes, at risk to herself, knowing that they won't win. She's doomed to fail by the narrative. She's the it girl of 2010s dystopian YA fiction. Jennifer Lawrence is an amazing actress, who does a beautiful job portraying the depth and conflict of Katniss in the films. The themes and social commentary of the Hunger Games is one of its (many) strong points, and I am so so glad that people are talking about it again, because it is my favourite book series out there.

5. Mitchell Pritchett (Modern Family)

I have no idea what to say about this man, I just love him. He just like me fr. What an icon. Impeccable music taste. I've started saying, "no my god" now, and nobody understands what I'm talking about. Even in a sitcom, my favourite is the one with issues that he refuses to talk about or fix. The episode where he's trying to hide that he dressed up as spiderman makes me cry-laugh. Claire's speech at his wedding makes me just cry. He's not a perfect man, but he's certainly better than everyone else.

6. Shin Tsukimi (Your Turn to Die)

My favourite cringefail loser! I said Katniss was doomed by the narrative in a metaphorical way. This idiot is actually doomed.

No but in all seriousness, I do really love him. Before the beginning of the game, he was just a relatively normal young man- but, when confronted with the inevitability of his own death, he made himself into a monster to survive. He has a violent vendetta against the local badass teenage girl, who is traumatised as hell already and does not need Shin chipping in as well, thank you very much. I love his relationship with Kanna, his biological sister; how he uses her, manipulates her, and still cares for her so much that he dies for her with a smile on his face in the Emotion route. Conversely, in the Logic route, his actions are a direct cause of her death, and I just love how much YTTD hates siblings. I hope that his past with Midori is explored more in either a mini-episode or the final part of the game, because I find it sooo interesting. I'm super excited to see whether he actually has no chance of survival, or whether he makes it out, against the odds, on one of the routes. He's a bit useless, so I won't get my hopes up.

7. Rue Bennett (Euphoria)

I think it goes without saying that Euphoria has its issues, lol. Sam Levinson is an idiot. While a lot of the show (especially season 2) feels shallow and like it doesn't care about its characters, Rue's storylines always have heart and depth and I am so invested in her arc. It's no wonder that Zendaya won 2 Emmys for this role, because her acting is phenomenal! Rue feels so real to me, in the way that she's trying so hard to stay sober but she falls down and relapses time and time again. Recovery isn't linear, but she's getting there, and I adore her with all my heart. Her relationships with Lexi, her mother, her sister, and her sponsor, Ali, are my favourites, and the healthiest for her, in my opinion. Her brief friendship/ romance with Jules may have kept her more solidly sober than anything else in the show, but Jules (understandably) cracks under the pressure of Rue's mental health, and can't be there for her. Rue needs to heal for herself, which she appears to be doing at the end of S2.

8. Max Mayfield (Stranger Things)

Duffer brothers, please just let her be happy.

Despite only being introduced in Season 2, Max has, in my opinion, had the best character development out of everyone on the show. Her growth from someone standoffish, rude, and uninterested in the group (maybe I'm being a bit harsh. She was, like, 12) to someone who is willing to risk her life to help her friends and Hawkins means so much to me. The scene in "Dear Billy" (S4, Ep4) where she escapes from Vecna remains my favourite in the whole show and will probably be burned into my brain forever. Her relationships with Lucas and El are very sweet, and some of my favourites in Stranger Things. Her final line in S4, after all her struggles over the season, being that she doesn't want to die literally breaks my heart. I hope she gets some degree of a happy ending in the final season. She was my first profile picture when I joined this hellsite, and I love her a lot.

9. Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables)

The shenanigans that this girl gets up to never fail to make me laugh. The bit where she accidentally dyes her hair green and then has to hack it all off makes me feel awful for her, but. it's hilarious. Sorry, Anne. Her friendship with Diana is so sweet but also so funny to me because they really are the most chaotic duo of the 1880s. The scene where Anne accidentally gives her alcohol instead of fruit juice is so mortifying but so, so funny. Amidst all of the insane situations that Anne gets into are a lot of really heartwarming moments and relationships. Matthew and Marilla adopting Anne, even though they wanted a boy, because she's so endearing and alone in the world is probably what made me who I am today. I still haven't gotten around to watching Anne with an E, but I've heard it's amazing. I look forward to watching it when I have the time :).

10. Daphne Blake (Scooby Doo)

My first ever favourite character! Another one who I don't have a tonne to say about. She's an icon, she's a legend, and she is the moment. She has done nothing wrong, ever. She knows martial arts, so watch out.

Honourable mentions: Thor (MCU), Finnick Odair (The Hunger Games), Gretchen Weiners (Mean Girls), Jake Peralta (Brooklyn 99), Maurice Moss (The IT Crowd), The Eleventh Doctor (Doctor Who), James (The End of the F***ing World), Ali Abdul (Squid Game).

If you read all of this then thanks, and have a great day!