#the doctor/river song

[littlesparkleshark]

Thirteen and River should have met

Specifically in a historical episode with Sappho.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

actually I kinda think river’s storyline would’ve been stronger if she genuinely didn’t fall in love with the doctor until after she killed him. like they teased that a bit in let’s kill hitler but by the end of the episode she was swooned and by the end of the season her arm literally had to be forced against him. I would’ve liked to see it play out that she still 100% willingly kills him and the silence lets her go after that, so she goes after her degree and the more he pops up in her studies the more she starts realizing how much good he did. she starts meeting younger versions of him and is vaguely aware she needs to be nice to him since he knew her and trusted her when she shot him- but she’s genuinely surprised and horrified to find herself falling in love with the man she murdered. meanwhile on the doctor’s end, he goes to his execution knowing he has no choice, not because the timeline will implode, but because if river doesn’t kill him, his whole past with her will never have happened. if he doesn’t die now, she’ll just go after a younger version of him and they won’t get a chance to fall in love. and after so many years of running and hiding from the thought of love he can’t bring himself to lose it this time. no universe destroying threats, just them. obviously the doctor would still survive somehow and they’d eventually have to talk about the whole murder thing, but as he looks in her cold eyes all he can see is who she’ll become, and as an older river looks into a younger doctor’s bright eyes all she can see is the life leaking out of them. 

[expectiations]

The Doctor: Where did your magic boings go? Are you covering your hair up?

River: Huh? Oh no, humidity just makes my hair frizzier so I cover it up

The Doctor: I see...

-later-

Doctor: [trying to beat the humidity out of the air with a shovel while angrily mumbling] Give. Her. Magic. Space. Boings. Back. You. Dalek.

[coolstuffiseverywhere]

My take on the Husbands of River Song is that the episode is perfect, I just wish it was with the 15th or 16th doctor. 11 never really got to a point of loving her deeply and River and 12 only have the episode. For her lines and general character to work she needs to be more intimate with other doctors. I know having Alex Kingston on that long would be an issue, but it’s really not that hard to get her out of the library(If you can put a TARDIS into an IDRIS you can put a digital River into a River body, I mean, she has modified DNA! And was being studied by the silence! Making the body is the hardest part, and you can make a Jenny!), which is another reason I want to do that.

I get attached to characters easily and don’t want them to die, sure, but what really bugs me is when they are so easy to fix and it isn’t good for the (overarching, again, Husbands is great!) story.

Also I just want to see her written by someone other then Moffat? He did a good job, but she has way more to explore and getting another view on it would be fun.

[transgenderdoctorwhomst-old]

doctor/river for brutally honest opinion?

Doctor/river is so so good. They are wives. They are husbands. River kept trying to kill the doctor and he's kind of into it. The Doctor impulsively tries to run away from his relationship with her because the first time he met her was when she died. River will not let him run away from her. The universe will not let them run away from her.

In day of the doctor (novelization), ten has a (fully clothed) bath with her, spends seven hours of "quality time" with her while telling himself he Will avoid her to change her fate, and then sits on the floor of the tardis trying to convince himself not to develop a drinking problem about loving her.

Same novel, river helps eleven wipe his memory of how many children were on gallifrey, because she sees how much the number torments him. (They use a children's therapy bot.)

The implication that the doctor, at the end of their life, uploaded themselves into the Doctor Moon so River wouldn't be alone in her afterlife. AUGH.

Their story is surrounded in the tragedy that they, undoubtedly, are ghosts to each other. They each always meet a version of them that knows them less. It's a miracle and a tragedy when their timeliness almost line up, but the Doctor always knows how it will end. I cannot wait to get to the husbands of river song

Every interaction they have is layered with silent calculations, of "how far are you? What do you know?" Of "do I need to give you information to maintain our timeliness?" of "how much do I have to hide from you? How much are you hiding from me?" It's impossible for them to ever be truly honest with each other. They cannot ever avoid the ways they know they will hurt each other, the ways they know the other will hurt them. They just have to blindly trust each other, that there must be a reason.

Also the diary thing is really cute, they have matching diaries to keep track of each other with :)

[magiccath]

Between A Goose And A Hard Place

Pairing: 11th Doctor x River Song

Summary: In which the Doctor is faced with the soulmate goose of enforcement

A/N: I know this isn't what I usually write, but I wanted to make a silly little gift for @1-genie-in-a-bottle . Let me know if you like this kind of unhinged crack fic and/or want to see more Doctor x River stuff!

The Doctor generally wasn’t a fan of kissing. It’s not that he didn’t like it. No, that wasn’t the issue. At least, he didn’t think it was. More so, the issue lay in what happened when he kissed someone. Frankly, if he ever tried to explain it to someone else he was absolutely certain they would laugh. He had trouble believing it himself. 

First, it was Jack. The Doctor didn’t even really know how to react at first. Jack had simply grabbed his face and planted one on him. It was quick, most certainly not a lingering kiss. Before he could decide what to do with the kiss, Jack had pulled away with a yelp. When the Doctor tentatively opened his eyes, wondering what on Earth could have caused Jack to make a sound like that, he was speechless. A sleek, white goose was biting Jack’s arse. Literally. Jack had simply removed the goose from his bottom half, setting it down on the floor as if it were nothing more than a dirty sock. That was that, the two men didn’t discuss it any further. 

Shortly after, it was Rose. This time the Doctor had more control over this kiss. He’d done it to save her, it wasn’t much more than that. She had taken the entirety of the time vortex into her mind, and that would most certainly kill a human. He kissed her as a means of transferring it to his mind. He was a little too preoccupied with saving his companion to really stop and enjoy or suffer through the kiss. What he didn’t expect was the exact same goose, having magically appeared again, started honking at him with a newfound ferocity. 

“Will you please shut up!” He snapped, still holding onto Rose. By now she had practically collapsed into his arms, the energy drained from her body. He could have sworn that the goose glared at him. 

“Go on, shoo,” he encouraged, glaring right back. The goose sauntered away, the soft padding of its flippers taunting him. Briefly, he wondered where the goose came from. It was a little strange that the bird had suddenly appeared in the middle of a spaceship, but stranger things had happened to the Doctor. 

He’d made a mental note to look up what it meant when geese showed up and berated you for kissing people, but he got preoccupied. He had a new body to adapt to, with all new organs and facial features. How could he be expected to remember such trivial things as strange geese? 

Rose was the first to kiss his new face. Well, technically it was Lady Cassandra inhabiting Rose’s body. He should have known, Rose wasn’t bold enough to grasp him by his hair and forcibly kiss him. This one was longer and more passionate than the others. Still, the Doctor didn’t know how to react. He ended up just standing there like putty in her hands as he pressed her - Rose’s - lips against his, her hands gripping his hair roughly. Honestly, he sort of blacked out for the whole thing. By the time she had pulled away from him, the goose was there. It practically glared at Rose, its beak firmly attached to her shoe. He wasn’t sure if geese could growl, but this one certainly was. 

By the time they had returned to the TARDIS, he practically rushed to the library, frantically searching for some kind of explanation. He didn’t know why this was happening to him! Three times in a row was more than a coincidence, the events had to be linked. 

He pondered over his books for a few hours, looking for everything he had on geese. Exasperated, he used the Sonic Screwdriver to scour the internet. He came across an American article titled “The Soulmate Goose: Urban Legend or Rising Phenomenon?” He frowned, clicking on it, if only out of curiosity. 

A Soulmate Goose, otherwise known as the “Soulmate Goose of Enforcement'' is exactly what it sounds like. A goose who acts as a spiritual guide in your search for a soulmate, just in a chaotic manner. Regardless if you believe in soulmates or not, the Soulmate Goose of Enforcement serves as an entertaining tale at the very least, and a guiding beacon in the dating world at best. 

The Doctor wasn’t entirely sure if it was a joke. Americans were good at that, making up things so entirely silly that they almost seemed real. He didn’t want to believe it, the idea was so blatantly odd. However, the current evidence at hand seemed to support the idea. What other possible explanation could there be for a goose following him around and getting incessantly violent whenever he kissed someone?

For the next few weeks, he simply forgot about the goose. He had more pertinent things to do. That was, until none other than Madame De Pompadour kissed him. She grasped him and leaned forward, pressing her lips against his. He melted into her touch, his hands ghosting around her waist as she grasped tightly onto his suit. He wasn’t sure if he kissed her back, but he was fairly certain he had. Before he could really start to enjoy the kiss, a goose crawled out from under Madame De Pompadour’s skirts. She quickly backed away from him, looking down at the bird with wide, confused eyes. The goose simply squawked at her before turning its attention towards the Doctor, looking up at him with its beady little black eyes in clear disapproval. The Doctor stared back, his mind trying to catch up. Bashfully, he nodded his understanding.

After that, he did a good job of steering away from kissing. He became almost defensive about it, constantly worried that someone might grab him for a kiss. The last thing he wanted was for the goose to show up again. 

He figured he was safe around Jackie, she was Rose’s mum after all. How wrong he was. She quickly grabbed him, spinning him around towards her so she could press her lips against his. He instantly recoiled, but she didn’t seem to notice. She rotated between hugging him and kissing him. When she was done he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, clearly disgusted. Sure enough, the goose poked its head into the room, glaring at the Doctor. 

“I didn’t like it much either,” he whispered angrily at the bird. Honestly, what was it with all of these women kissing him?

Then he kissed Martha - which he only did to save her life. He told her as such, looked her in the eyes, and begged her to understand that it was for her own good. For the good of everyone in the hospital. It’s not like it meant anything. He grasped her face in his hands and kissed her quickly. Honestly, he didn’t even really think about it, not really. Afterward, he ran away quickly, having things he needed to do. The Doctor didn’t get very far before he ran into a goose. It was just sitting in the hallway, looking at him disappointingly. In all of his rush to come up with a solution for their predicament, he had completely forgotten about the goose. 

“I did it to save everyone in this hospital!” he argued. It felt ridiculous to argue with a bird. 

Either the goose didn’t understand him, or it didn’t care. It simply got up off the floor and walked over to the Doctor menacingly. Great, the Doctor thought, now I’ve got to run away from the Judoon AND a bird. Luckily for him, he was good at the running thing. 

When he was John Smith he didn’t figure that he’d be kissing anyone. He left it out of the list of instructions he had made for Martha. In the moment, avoiding pears seemed more important than avoiding the damn goose. 

Unfortunately for him, his human counterpart had to go and fancy someone. He leaned in to kiss her, moving slowly in case she wanted to back away. When she didn’t, he leaned down and pressed his mouth against hers. 

The door barged open and he pulled away to yell at Martha, he had told her to knock before inviting herself in. However, he was faced with the goose. He frowned at the bird, confused about how it got into the room, let alone open the door. Geese don’t have hands, let alone opposable thumbs, so how did it get in?

He didn’t have much time to ponder because the goose instantly threw itself at Joan, biting at her legs through her skirt. He frowned angrily at the strange creature, forcibly pulling it off of his love interest. The goose turned its efforts to biting him, sinking its surprisingly sharp beak into the tender flesh of his hand. He dropped the bird in shock, grasping the spot where it had bit him. 

“What-?” he gasped, still holding his wound. Martha rushed into the room, looking between him, Joan, and the bird in clear confusion. The Doctor didn’t even try to explain, he wasn’t even sure how to. 

Then, it was Astrid. She really was a sweet girl, he felt awful that he didn’t have time to warn her. This was getting out of hand - what was it with women grabbing him and kissing him against his will? He wasn’t a fan of it, and the goose most certainly wasn’t either. The kiss was brief, not leaving him much time to react. By the time she pulled away, the lapels of his suit still grasped in her hands, the goose had appeared. It was squawking again, flapping its wings angrily. 

“Where did that come from?” Astrid frowned, still not letting go of the Doctor. He sighed heavily and gently eased her away from him. With a sad frown, she backed down, exiting his personal space. The goose continued to yell at her, even as she left the Doctor with a shy wave goodbye. 

“You have got to stop doing that!” he scolded the bird. He was met with a sharp cry in response. He didn’t need to speak goose to understand that the creature was mad at him. 

“It’s not like I’m asking these women to kiss me!” he protested, begging the goose for a little bit of leeway. The bird tilted its head at him, clearly listening to him. Without another word - or squawk - it padded off down the hallway, leaving the Doctor alone. 

When Donna kissed him he absolutely was not expecting OR wanting it. He asked her for a shock, assuming that she would gladly take the opportunity to slap him or something. He’d done plenty of things to piss her off, surely she was itching to sock him. Instead, she grabbed him by the face and kissed him passionately. He wasn’t sure that she liked it much more than he did. Frankly, she should have just gone the slapping route, it would have been better for both of them. When she finally released him he stumbled backward into the kitchen island, letting out a sharp breath as the poison exited his body in smoky tendrils. 

He felt a sharp bite on one of his fingers and looked down at the counter to find the goose, his pointer finger lodged between its beak. The Doctor glared at the bird and wiggled his finger free from its grasp. 

“Bad bird!” he tried scolding, holding his hand against his chest defensively. “I’m well aware that she’s not my soulmate! There’s no need to get violent.” 

He managed to escape the kissing for a while after that. He got a little too comfortable, he almost forgot all about the kissing and the goose. His life was wonderful. 

And then Christina kissed him. She didn’t even give him any warning. Like the various women before her, she had simply grabbed him and dragged his lips toward hers. The bus erupted in applause as she kissed him, vocalizing their approval. She pulled away, smirking at him. She quickly recoiled though when she felt a sharp sting in her calf. She looked down at her leg, only to find a vicious goose firmly attached to her calf. The Doctor followed her gaze and sighed, seemingly dejected. 

“I’m not interested in this one either,” he groaned at the goose. Begrudgingly, it released Christina from its grasp. She quickly stumbled back, rubbing her leg in the spot where it had been biting her. 

That was the last time he was kissed with that face. He hoped with his new regeneration that he might escape the kissing for a while. Maybe it was the tight suits. Surely that was the problem. Yes, it had to be the suits. And the hair. He made sure to get rid of both. 

Even with this new face, this new attitude, even with the new suit, he couldn’t avoid the kissing. He figured he was safe with Amy, she was getting married! She couldn’t be interested in him. Oh, how wrong he had been. 

She leaned close to him, closer than he was generally comfortable with. She continued to lean further into him, desperately trying to close the gap between them. Once he realized what was happening, he quickly shot up out of his seat, stumbling away from her. 

“You’re getting married!” he argued as she continued to try and kiss him. “I’m 906! This can never work!” 

She pouted, crowding him up against the TARDIS. “I wasn’t suggesting anything quite so… long-term,” she said seductively, grabbing him by the back of the neck and kissing him urgently. Her hands wandered across his chest, sliding his suspenders off his shoulders. He stiffened, his hands planted firmly on her shoulders as he pushed her off of him. He wiggled out of her grasp, trying to move away from her again. She tried to move for him again and he darted away from her. Where was the goose when you needed it?!

As if sending his thoughts, a goose appeared in the middle of Amy’s room. She stared at it in blatant confusion before backing hesitantly away. The goose didn’t seem deterred in the slightest and simply advanced in her direction, growling softly. 

“Do they do that? Are they meant to do that?” 

“No, not generally,” the Doctor sighed in exasperation, picking the goose up and practically throwing it away from her. It moved for Amy again and he placed his leg in front of it, blocking its path. 

“Amy, no kissing,” he scolded, pointing at her. He then turned his attention to the goose, “No biting. No attacking. No disturbing of any kind.”

The goose huffed, at least, that’s what the Doctor assumed it was trying to do. He glared down at it, almost threatening it to try again. Finally, the goose relented. 

Amy didn’t try to kiss him again, which he was thankful for. In fact, no one tried to kiss him again. That was, until River. 

He liked River, he really did. She was smart, snarky, and not afraid to flirt with him. As he returned her to her cell they talked and laughed happily. 

He said something or made some kind of comment. He wasn’t even trying to be funny or clever, it just came out that way. 

“Shut up,” River smirked, grabbing his neck softly and pulling him into her. He could have pulled away if he really wanted to. River wasn’t like the other women, she wasn’t forcibly aggressive about it. Dominant and self-assured, yes. But not aggressive, never aggressive. He let her do it, mostly because he wanted her to. 

She pressed her lips against his and he instantly melted into the kiss. This time was different, this time he wanted it, he liked it. Awkwardly, his hand hovered over her shoulder, not quite touching her. She kept one hand on the back of his neck, the other pulling him in by his waist. Oh, he liked that. His hand pressed down on her shoulder. Not like he had with Amy, he wasn’t pushing her away. Rather, he was holding her, urging her to go on. 

Then, panic started to seep in. The goose was going to show up at any point. It was going to start biting River and that was absolutely the last thing that he wanted to happen. At the same time, he really didn’t want this kiss to end. His arms flailed about helplessly and awkwardly. If River noticed she didn’t do anything to indicate as such. He continued his uncomfortable flapping, his mind torn between pulling away and pushing closer. 

The kiss ended and he looked down at her with wide, panicked eyes. She wasn’t crying out in pain and there wasn’t an ear-splitting honking filling the air. She looked at him almost sadly, as if realizing his mind wasn’t entirely on her. 

He didn’t know it, but she was realizing that this was the last time she was ever going to kiss him. A first for him, a last for her. That was the way it worked. 

The Doctor looked around her cell anxiously, searching for the goose. Where was it? Was it going to bite him now? His eyes finally landed on the familiar goose, sitting patiently in the corner.

“Doctor?” River whispered, her eyes searching his face. 

He didn’t respond, his wide eyes glued on the goose. Only, it wasn’t moving. It wasn’t attacking. He looked back at River, his eyes darting between hers. Could it be? 

“Can you do that again?” he whispered. She smirked, finding his request nothing if not adorable. She was more than happy to oblige, leaning forward to press her lips against his again. 

It was softer this time, more gentle. The Doctor actively kissed her back this time, his hands coming to rest on the dip of her waist. She smiled at that, pressing her chest against his. 

He pulled away from the kiss, his hands still holding her waist. He smiled down at her, feeling a warmth in his hearts that he hadn’t for centuries. She smiled back up at him, her hand resting gently between his rapidly beating hearts. 

Hesitantly he looked back over to the corner where the goose had been only moments before, finding the room empty. He let out a gentle breath, relieved that the aviary torture was finally over. Maybe now he could relax. Maybe, just maybe, there would be more of this enjoyable kissing in the future. For once, the Doctor could confidently say that he liked kissing. Yes, yes he most certainly did. 

He just hoped that the damned goose didn’t show up again. 

[sonickedtrowel]

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio), Doctor Who (1963) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: The Doctor/River Song, Twelfth Doctor/River Song, Eighth Doctor/River Song Characters: Twelfth Doctor, River Song, Eighth Doctor (Doctor Who), Nardole (Doctor Who), Other Character Tags to Be Added Additional Tags: Episode Rewrite: 2015 Xmas The Husbands of River Song, this has been MANY YEARS IN THE MAKING but only theoretically really it was just like january Summary: “...mPLETEly ridiculous.”

River’s voice.  Muted, distant.  Cross.  It was the first thing to sink into the Doctor’s muddled mind as he slowly emerged from the clinging, treacly-thick depths of unconsciousness.  

[bloodstained-ballgowns]

when you read ‘the time traveler’s wife’ and realise that steven moffat is even more transparent than you thought.

[perplexed-confusion]

"You're future's my past. Your first is my last." This line knowing the first time he meets her she dies. 😭😭😭

[theashrider]

My toxic trait is… taking the lesbian characters I used to ship back when I was gay, and turning them into straight (or at the very least, non-lesbian) ships now that I’m straight.

Without context, it sounds insane and probably homophobic. But I find it really hard to abandon my comfort ships just because I can’t relate to them as well as I used to before.

I started shipping Supercorp before I realized I was trans. In my head I always imagined Kara being non-binary or transgender due to a mismatch in kryptonian-to-human gender concepts. I needed to find comfort in the idea of a character that’s seen as a woman but is actually just incorrectly categorized as female due to her exterior appearance. I made up a gender spectrum for Kryptonians to justify this idea, and I used to daydream about what it would be like to be an alien that isn’t confined to human gender identities. I imagined that getting called Supergirl would cause discomfort and awkwardness because these humans saw long hair and heard a soft voice and decided that this alien, this being from however many light years away, was surely a girl in the way that human girls are. Hell, I even imagined Kryptonians having the ability to regulate their hormone levels and having a wide vocal range that allows them to switch between feminine and masculine tones without needing to practice. I fantasized about having that type of super-human ability to control my body characteristics to finally look and sound the way I did in my mind.

I started watching Xena because I knew it was a popular wlw show, but eventually started imagining Gabrielle as trans in an Ancient Greek time period where trans guys probably couldn’t do anything about it. Then season 5 happened and suddenly Xena was calling Gabrielle the father of her baby and Gabrielle was stepping up to protect their child, and I latched onto the idea of this closeted trans guy who’s living as a woman but still manages to find a way to be a parent and a partner in a non-traditional way. That helped me cope with my inability to medically transition, seeing this short, talkative, feisty character as a closeted trans guy that everyone else (including their partner) saw as a woman. I took comfort that Gabrielle could find a way to be a good partner even without being able to present herself the way she wants to. I’m around the same height as her. I will never be able to change that, and neither can that character. But she is still a father and a bard and a soulmate and all of that transcends the physical reality of her body.

Doctor Who has been my favorite show since I was a kid. It has been present in my life through every phase and new discovery about my identity. I shipped River Song with the Doctor from the moment I realized she wasn’t just a two-episode guest character. Then the Doctor became a woman and we never got to see her interact with her wife. But I wondered what it would be like to have them meet, have them figure out their relationship now that they’re both women. And I started thinking that maybe the Doctor wouldn’t be completely comfortable in a female body, since she’s been living as a man for so much longer. So I decided that, in my head, whenever River and the 13th Doctor met, the Doctor would have a hard time communicating that discomfort with her wife. I imagined that she would crave regenerating back into a man, or maybe regenerating as a cisgender woman who doesn’t feel like she’s a man who looks like a woman. I’ve had times where I wished I was a woman even though I have a female body and brain, just because I can’t imagine women feel the same way trans men do in their minds. So this character that can change the way they look and sound like, really just gave me something to hold onto while I struggled internally over my appearance and my voice.

I wonder whether other trans people have done this with characters they love and take comfort in. I also wonder whether voicing these feelings and ideas in primarily wlw (or mlm) spaces would hurt or offend the members of that community, considering how common straight characters and ships are and always have been. It feels a bit isolating to be in these communities and fandoms but not have anyone to relate to because you’re not really shipping the same people everyone else is shipping. You’re shipping a version of them that you made up, and probably doesn’t match with canon at all. I can’t find many fan works that cater to my headcannons (and I don’t have the artistic ability or time to make them myself) but I also don’t feel like I can ask for them from fandom creators.

I’ve never seen anyone else talk about something like this. I’m interested in finding others who also do this or have done it in the past to take comfort with their own gender identity. And I think I just needed to finally write all of this out.

[kronos-lungbarrow-oakdown]

me when my beta write the most nerve wrecking Doctor/River with Missy/Doctor on the side and give it to me without even asking me out on a date first:

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

sorry for the river song brainrot but it would have been SO cunty if rogue threw a little 'sweetie' after that 'find me' ...

[expectiations]

River: Guys, stop worrying about it. It was just a splinter.

The Doctor: You were impaled!

River: … It was a large splinter.

[capybaraonabicycle]

So obviously I love the Doctor's and Amy's relationship. But I do not enjoy that scene at the end of Flesh and Stone. And I believe the Doctor should have met Mels as early as during The Eleventh Hour So I -

They are sitting on Amy’s bed, looking at her wedding dress hanging on the inside of her closet.

“Well” the Doctor says for loss of better words.

“Yeah” Amy answers.

“Blimey” he says. ‘I’ve been running, too’ Amy has said when they were in the TARDIS just now. Running from her wedding.

“I know” Amy agrees, swaying a bit back and forth. “This is the same night we left, yeah?”

He checks his wrist, not even wearing a watch that would tell the correct time. But he knows, of course. He’s a timelord after all. “We’ve been gone five minutes.”

Amy reaches for the ring box in her nightstand, flipping it open. “I’m getting married in the morning.”

He snatches it from her hands, tapping the small diamond. “Why did you leave it here?”

“Why did I leave my engagement ring off when I run away on the night before my wedding?” she asks, unsure whether he really doesn’t understand or is just playing with her.

“Yeah.” He really doesn’t understand.

“Hm” she hums, snatching the ring back. “You really are an alien, aren’t you?”

He nods absentmindedly. “Who’s the lucky one, then?”

“You met each other” she tells him and his face lights up.

“Ah, the good-looking one?” he asks. “Or the other one?”

He mimics a long nose and Amy’s face darkens. “The other one.”

“Well, he was good, too” he placates her, and she chuckles.

“Thanks” she says, before frowning. “Who’s ‘the good-looking one’?”

“Your friend” he tries to describe who he’s thinking of. “The one with the laptop and the gun.”

“Mels?!” Amy asks scandalised. “You thought I was marrying Mels? Ew, no. I mean, I love her, I do. But…she’s like my sister. You know? Like the little sibling you always have to look out for because they get themselves into trouble? I would not marry my sister.”

“Right” he agrees, unable to follow.

Amy looks thoughtful now.

“Mels is part of the reason I wanted to return, though” she admits.

“Which reason?” he asks.

“I nearly died” she reminds him. “I was alone, in the dark and I nearly died. And it made me think.”

“Well, yes naturally, I think sometimes” he chimes in. “Well, lots of times.”

“About what I want” she continues, unimpressed. “And about what I am risking. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah” he nods, then shakes his head. “-No. Sorry.”

Amy sighs. “Doctor, if I had died back there, if an angel had gotten me, I would have just disappeared. On the night before my wedding, without saying goodbye. Rory and Mels, I would have just left them behind, without warning or explanation. I didn’t die, so they will never have to know now, but the fact that I risked it. That I risked just leaving them like that. That was wrong.”

She reaches for his hand.

“That’s why I wanted to come back now” she explains. “I don’t want to stop traveling with you. But I have to at least let them know what I am doing and what could happen. I owe them that much.”

He holds her hand tightly, smiling. “They could always come along, you know?”

“What? So, you can spend more time with the ‘good-looking one’ or what?” she teases and realises with a start: “Oh my god: You like Mels!”

She almost pounces on him in excitement and hurriedly he scrambles away from her and off the bed. “No - NO! Amy!”

“You Like Mels” she exclaims in triumph. “Do you want me to set you two up?”

“Ye-No!” he shouts, waving his arms to get her off him when she tries to grab his shoulders.

“But it would be perfect, Doctor” she insists, backing him against the TARDIS with her damned gleeful smirk. “I am positive Mels likes you, too. She’s been talking about nothing else ever since you left.”

“Amy, listen to me!” he pleads, pressing against the TARDIS door in search for support. “I am nine hundred and seven years old. Do you understand what that means?”

He walks past her to get out of the corner she has backed him into, but she is right on his heels.

“It has been a while?” she proposes. With all the social clues he is constantly missing it would not be a surprise.

“Ye-No. No. No” he insists wringing his hands. “I am nine hundred and seven years and look at me: I don’t get older, I just change. You lot get older, I don’t. So, me and Mels can’t ever work.”

“Aw” Amy coos. Somehow, she has chased him towards the TARDIS door again and now she is smiling with something like pitiful amuse. “You are sweet, Doctor. But don’t worry about that. I don’t think Mels is expecting something quite so long-term, really.”

“But she’s human!” he tries again, then decides on the spot to change his strategy. “Why are we even talking about this? You’re the one who’s getting married in the morning!”

Suddenly he’s realising something.

“In the morning” he repeats more slowly, and she can basically see the gears turn behind his forehead.

“Doctor?” she asks, immediately having forgotten about Mels and her plans to set them up.

“It’s you” he understands. “It’s all about you. E-everything. It’s about you. Amy Pond. Mad, impossible Amy Pond. I don’t know why, I have no idea but quite possibly, the single most important thing in the history of the universe is that I get you sorted out right now.”

He grabs her hand and Amy smiles, confused but pleased.

“Alright then” she agrees, letting him drag her to the TARDIS. “Let’s go.”

There. Fixed it.

[patheticpeoplesupreme]

Ignore that weird line 🗿🗿

Also!!! Melody and Clementine did inherit some of the Pond’s clothes,,,,

Ginger kid is older and taller (probably Clementine)

So Clementine is 22 ish and Melody is 19

And then River goes to the library….. The Doctor hasn’t told them yet……

Edit: I just realised, before I edited this, I said they were born during the 24 year stay on Darillium but I tagged Eleven, which was unintentional

But ultimately, Eleven is my favourite, so,,, I suppose I can call this entire thing non-canon compliant. (Sorry 12 🫡)

I’m now declaring that in this au, the husbands of river song didn’t happen

Eleven and River still went to be married 24 years on Darillium

The timeline is just a little funkier here.

12 probably still happens, but it’s much much later

[theranilord]

I'm making an OTP playlist and this is what I have so far:

Brett/Regan ~ Too Sweet by Hozier

Yusuke/Koenma

Goeman/Jigen

Luke/Han

Kallus/Garazeb ~ Hello, Hello by Elton John ft. Lady Gaga

Obi-wan/Qui-gon

Draco/Harry ~ Touched by Vast

Sirius/Lupin ~ Animals by Maroon 5

Sherlock/Watson

Q/007

Bilbo/Thorin ~ Drumming Song by Florence and the Machine

Kili/Tauriel

Thranduil/Bard

Jon/Daenerys

Arya/Gendry

Loki/Hulk

Everett/Strange ~ Take Me To Church by Hozier

Wade/Peter ~ Umbrella by Rhianna

Jack/Ianto ~ Should've Said No by Taylor Swift

Doctor/River ~ I Died In Your Arms Tonight by Cutting Crew

Jayne/Simon

Ardeth/Jonathan ~ Desert Rose by Sting

Crowley/Aziraphale

Seaplane/Sheldon

Hargrove/Harrington ~ Bad Guy by Billie Eilish

Eddie/Chrissy

Glenn/Daryl ~ Radioactive by Imagine Dragons

Jack/Daniel ~ Nobody Does It Better ~ Carly Simon

Hannibal/Murdock

Buffy/Spike

Dar/Tao ~

Charles/Erik ~ Rewrite The Stars from Greatest Showman

Dirk/Tod

Hannibal/Will ~ Bruises and Bitemarks by Good With Grenades

Gear/Hotstreak ~ When You're Sober by Evanescence

Carl/Van Helsing ~ As Long As You're Mine from Wicked

Stone/Robotnik ~ Where Evil Grows by The Poppy Family

I regret nothing.