#Freddy Carter x reader angst

[daydreamingatnight209]

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[mcntsee]

néant doux-amer / bittersweet nothingness

Summary: YN knows she’s going to die any minute now after a mission that went wrong. She know she has to accept it, but she’s scared. Luckily for her Kaz, the only man she has ever felt safe with, finds her just in time to comfort her in her last minutes. What she didn’t know was the pain Kaz would experience second after she was gone.

Warnings: This story contains themes of violence, injury, death, fear, and grief. Terrible writing that is probably going to be edited soon. I did try to make this sad. No happy ending. Pretty short, but I’m planning a pt.2

Also: I used google translate for the title, so I have no idea if it actually makes sense.

YN lay on the dirty concrete of Ketterdam, her body riddled with bullets and her life slipping away. She knew that death was creeping up on her with every passing second, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. The fear had consumed her, and she felt helpless. Suddenly, she heard a familiar voice. “Y/N?” she looked up to see Kaz, the only man she had ever felt truly safe with, running towards her. “Oh saints, Y/n!”

Blood oozed out of the bullet wounds and stained her clothes a deep red. Kaz was on his knees beside her in a matter of seconds, trying to staunch the bleeding with his jacket. “YN, stay with me," he whispered desperately, fear etched on his face.

"I'm scared, Kaz," she said weakly. "Don't be scared. I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you," he replied, his voice shaky. But they both knew it was too late for that.

"Kaz, I don't want to die. Not yet," whispered YN. "I know dove, I'm here with you," replied Kaz, his tone soothing despite the fear in his own voice.

YN reached out a trembling hand towards Kaz, desperate for some human touch in her final moments. But Kaz's face twisted in fear, his phobia of physical contact preventing him from comforting her in the way she needed. "It's okay, YN. You're not alone." He said while fighting the demons in his head that dared to be so cruel by keeping him from touching her in her last moments.

Tears filled YN's eyes as she looked up at Kaz, knowing that he was the only person who truly understood her. She took a shaky breath, knowing that her time was running out.

"Thank you, Kaz. -”And something in his mind clicked, the voices filling his head went silent for a moment and he realized that she needed him. With trembly hands, Kaz took his gloves out and granted Y/n’s last wish by taking her hand in his. “-For everything." Said Y/n with a weakened smile. Kaz leaned in closer, "Anything for you, dove."

In that moment, YN's eyes closed for the last time and her hand fell limp. Kaz's heart shattered, knowing that he had just lost the only person he truly cared for. He sat there for a moment, overwhelmed with sadness. She was gone and he was, once again, left alone fighting the demons in his head that were telling him to let go as her hand grew colder, and colder but he couldn’t. Tears streamed down Kaz's face as he clutched onto YN's lifeless hand. He was barley able to touch her while she was alive but was now holding onto death so tightly because that was all he had left from her.

[jahayla-parker]

Reparations : Freddy Carter x Reader

Description: Part 3/ Fluffy make-up conclusion to Catastrophic Blues. Angst, breakup, heartbreak, post-breakup, longing, sadness, etc.

Warnings: I advise you re-read (or read) parts 1 and 2/Catastrophic Blues and Hits Different first! Other warnings: reference to warnings of other parts including drinking, Angst, breakup, heartbreak, post-breakup, longing, sadness, vomiting, crying, etc.

Catastrophic Blues Hit(s) Different : Freddy Carter x Reader Mini-Series Masterlist

Freddy’s breath caught in his chest as his tired eyes landed on her. He’d been walking around to clear his mind and was just returning to the apartment complex when the sight of y/h/c y/h/t caught his attention. He willed his now shaky legs to take him to her. His steps were nearly robotic, but he was still getting closer. Perhaps if he showed y/n he was willing to talk, they could work it out. Or at least he’d be able to know if she had moved on by now. That way he’d know if his longing was as one sided and futile as it seemed.

Freddy hesitated in his approach. Maybe it was best not to be the one to initiate the conversation. After all, y/n had asked for space. Approaching her now would not be a way of giving her space.

Freddy was about to turn around and walk away when he caught sight of something peculiar. He squinted and unconsciously took a few more steps towards y/n. She had emptied her garbage into the dumpster, but only tissues seemed to come out of it. Had she been crying? Thanks to his unconscious approach, he was able to see the trail of dried tear streaks on her cheeks from here. She had been crying. In fact, now that Freddy’s focus shifted off of if he should approach her and onto whether or not she was okay, he noticed several other details he hadn’t before. Her hair was pinned up in a messy bun but was clearly tangled. Her lips were present in a frown. Her eyes were bloodshot. And the shirt she had on… He recognized that shirt. It was his shirt.

Freddy wasn’t even aware he’d made his way over to y/n until he heard himself speaking. “Is that my shirt?” He asked quietly, his eyes scanning her. What was she doing in his shirt? And why did it seem like she’d been crying? Were the two related?

Y/n gasped and spun quickly, her hip smacking the side of the dumpster as she unexpectedly came face-to-face with Freddy. “Oh,” She mumbled. She frantically fumbled around as she tried to clean her face and fix herself somewhat. She hadn’t expected to run into anyone while emptying her trash, much less him. Realizing her attempts were unsuccessful, she bit her bottom lip and stared at her slipper-cladded feet. “Let me go ch-… umm, sorry. Yes, sorry, it is. I’ll go change and set it by the door,” she offered, voice shaking in embarrassment. “Or, uhh, I can wash it for you first if you-“.

Freddy shook his head, brows burrowed. “That’s not why I was asking,” he admitted. He sucked in a painful breath when her eyes looked up and met his. Normally her eyes brought him such comfort and warmth. But the shimmer of unshed tears that were currently present in them broke his heart even further; which he didn’t think was possible.

“W-what?” Y/n squeaked in confusion.

“I don’t want it back,” Freddy explained, shaking his head lightly.

Y/n pursed her lips to keep them from trembling. “Oh, you don’t?” She nodded slowly. “Then… why-?���

“I…,” Freddy mumbled. He nervously licked his bottom lip. “I… I’ve dreamt of this,” he admitted breathily.

Y/n’s eyes widened and she took a tiny step back in surprise. “Y-you’ve dreamt of this?” She asked.

Freddy nodded. “Of seeing you again, yes,” he explained slowly. “Of talking to you, seeing some semblance of us,” he added, waving at his shirt she had on, “yes, I’ve dreamt of this”.

Y/n tried to steady her breathing. She couldn’t believe Freddy was here, talking to her. Much less that he had wanted this. Dreamt of it. Her mind was racing so much she couldn’t respond.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” Freddy sighed. “Can I ask you just one question?”

When y/n nodded in acceptance, Freddy took a deep breath. “Why are.. Why did you choose to wear it?” He asked.

Y/n glanced down at Freddy’s shirt. “I.. actually, because I miss you,” she admitted quietly. His silence made her heart beat rapidly in her chest and made her queasy. She quickly spun on her heels to leave.

“Don’t you dare walk away,” Freddy rushed out. He shook his head, eyes pleading. “Not after saying what I have wanted to hear ever since that night,” he murmured.

“You… what?” Y/n paused as she faced him.

Freddy frowned. “Did you think I’d forget about us and just move on?”

Y/n broke eye contact and stared at the dingy dumpster. “I mean… you never came back,” she pointed out.

“I thought you wanted space,” Freddy defended.

“I didn’t mean to say that,” y/n pouted.

Freddy sighed. She had meant it, he knew that much. She didn’t need to lie to him about how she was feeling. “Y/n,” he frowned.

“Okay,” y/n mumbled shyly. “Okay, well I did… but I was wrong,” she argued.

“Y/n, I’m not going to force something upon -,” Freddy began.

“You’re not,” y/n rushed out, shaking her head rapidly.

Freddy looked away, unable to calm himself down while looking into y/n’s far too familiar eyes. “I can’t do this. No more beating around the bush…” He prompted, closing his eyes. “Do you not love me anymore?”

Y/n choked on a deep breath. “Of course I do,” she replied.

“Then we can talk this out, we-“ Freddy began to beg.

“F-Freddy, do you?” Y/n asked, cutting him off frantically.

“What?” Freddy questioned.

Y/n timidly met Freddy’s gaze. “Do… do you think you can love me again?” She wondered.

A small smile formed on Freddy’s lips. “Again would imply that I stopped.” Seeing y/n’s silent uncertainty, he hummed. “I never did. I just wanted us to work through this,” he stated.

“Not going to say anything?” Freddy inquired as y/n stood there silently.

“No,” y/n creaked.

Freddy’s brows furrowed. “Why not?”

“Last time I was this scared, I pushed you away and it ended,” y/n rushed out, looking away from Freddy.

“W-what?” Freddy mumbled, tilting his head to try and see y/n’s eyes.

“But, I also can’t risk agreeing only to have you leave again,” y/n rambled anxiously.

“Y/n,” Freddy cooed, “stop, go back”. He sighed softly. “What do you mean you pushed me away because you were scared …?”

“I …,” y/n cried. “Freddy,” she whispered, voice breaking.

“Can I…?” Freddy asked vaguely as he held his arms out in the shape of a hug.

“Yes,” y/n nodded. “P-please,” she whimpered, stepping closer to Freddy.

Freddy immediately closed the distance between then and took y/n into his embrace. Bloody hell, how long had he been waiting for this moment? He smiled lightly to himself when he heard her drop her garbage can to the ground as she gently rested her head on his chest.

“You were scared?” Freddy whispered in y/n’s ear. He frowned in concern when she nodded against his sternum. “About what? About living with me?” He inquired. When she simply nodded again in response, he carefully leaned back so he could look into her eyes. “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, we don’t have to-,” Freddy began to offer.

“No, I-,” y/n gushed. She shook her head and bit into her bottom lip. “Freddy,” she sighed, “it wasn’t that I didn’t want to… it’s just.. I was… s-s…”

“Scared?” Freddy finished for y/n. As she nodded and continued to stare at her feet, he used his thumb to tenderly tilt her chin up so he could see her eyes. “Of me?” He investigated worriedly.

“No…,” y/n trailed off, her head lightly shaking side to side.

“Then…?” Freddy pressed.

“Of me..,” y/n confessed quietly. She fiddled anxiously with her fingers.

Freddy stood silently for a moment, collecting his thoughts. “W-what?”

“I was sc-scared that if we lived together, I’d become too much,” y/n admitted with a sigh. “That you’d see something that would scare you away. That things would become too real and you’d leave, or-,” she began to ramble.

“Y/n,” Freddy hummed, tenderly taking hold of her hands to stop her fidgeting. “Nothing you could do, say, or show me, could’ve ever made me leave,” he attested.

Y/n nodded hesitantly. “That…That night..,” she mumbled.

Freddy sighed in regret. “I only left because I thought you wanted me to go. That’s the only circumstance in which I’d leave, is if that’s what you wanted,” he defended softly.

Y/n nodded. “I didn’t handle it well,” she acknowledged. “I did need… I needed a moment, but not… not this long,” she told Freddy.

Freddy nodded sympathetically. He hummed and delicately pulled y/n back to his chest. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“No, I’m s-,” y/n protested.

“Mmm, we could go back and forth for hours,” Freddy hummed. “How about instead, I grab us some y/f/d from the cafe down the street, and we can talk this over more on where we want to go from here?” He suggested nervously.

“I’d love that,” y/n admitted as she smiled softly.

“So would I,” Freddy grinned. He pressed a featherlight kiss to the top of her head. “It’s a date,” he beamed.

Freddy Carter Taglist: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @missdreamofendless @nikfigueiredo @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @alex-kazbrekkersimp @opheliaofficial07 @historynerd77 @el-de-phi @booklover2389 @whistle1whistle

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Catastrophic Blues Hit(s) Different : Freddy Carter x Reader Mini-Series Masterlist

[queenofspades6]

Extract From Part 2 of Greatest Investment - Kaz Brekker x reader

————

”Kaz.”

”No, Jesper, I don’t want to hear it.“ He replied, gesturing his Crow to leave his office.

“I’ll tell you nonetheless. Y/N will come back when she is ready. She won’t appreciate you ordering Dregs to find her.“

“I don’t care.”

Jesper laughed, and put his hands on Kaz’s desk, ignoring the death glance of Dirtyhands.

”You do care! You’re here sending our men looking for an assassin that doesn’t want to be found! If you didn’t care, you would have moved on.“

“Nonsense.”

”You can’t let her go, admit it, Kaz.”

“Shut up, Jesper.”

Jesper had never seen his Boss so angry, but he couldn’t stop.

”You can’t let her go, and that drives you mad!”

“That’s enough!”

“Oh no, I still haven’t tell you all my mind. Y/N is my friend. She deserves more, Kaz and you know it.”

“Of course, I can’t let her go, she’s my greatest investment!“

“Fuck you and your investment, Kaz! That’s all lies. Y/N is my friend, she deserved more than being your tool. And you know the worst in that? You believe the lies you’re feeding yourself. She’s always been more. If not, why bribing each shop in Ketterdam for her, why tending to her wounds for days and months why you let others die?”

———

Part 1 available here before Part 2!

[girlinwaytoomanyfandoms]

Hello! I write fanfiction. Typically Character X Reader, but I will be willing to try Character x Character.

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[futurecorps3]

Hello my love! I have heard your call for Kaz requests and I have an idea rattling around in my head!

Could you maybe do a Kaz x fem!Reader where they're in their early 20s and have been together for years and overcome Kaz's touch aversion (bc our poor boy deserves some healing 😭)? But that's not the idea, the idea is that the reader hasn't been sleeping for a few nights and ends up getting hurt because of it? Could be from fainting and hitting her head, slow reflexes on a job, etc. I trust your brilliant mind!

I can't wait to watch you grow as a writer!!!! ❤️

𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐧𝐮𝐦

Masterlist<3

Summary: The lack of sleep Kaz has been warning his girl about finally has consequences. Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem!reader Warnings: Mentions of overwoking, lack of sleep, blood, a very angsty moody angry sad Kazzle, mentions of blood and lost of conscience. The usual crow violence! Lmk if I missed any. Word Count: 3.5K whoops Requested: Yes

A/N: IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! :( I love the prompt, however and am very excited to work on this. Hope u like it nonnie and that last thing means the absolute world! <3

˚ · • . ° .

Now he knew he was in no position to demand her to rest. Kaz Brekker was known in his close circle for two things; killing whoever disrespected his love and always scheming. The electricity his brain consumed when plotting the next heist didn't even allow him to sleep when being tucked in with Y/N laying over his chest. But she never had the same issue before!

That's how it worked. She got mad because he wasn't sleeping and would reproach his ears off until he folded and left his papers to join her in bed. So, it was safe to say Kaz was startled when he noticed the absence of steps approaching his office. The clock read the time to be a quarter past midnight. He learned by endlessly scolding from you the hard way it was no use staying up late for a job when he had pretty much everything prepared, so he dropped everything and left to his room.

"Darling, are you-" his question was answered as he opened the door and saw her drawing on the little desk he got for her. "Hmm, hi love. It's quite early. What are you doing here?" Kaz wanted to laugh at that. Had she really lost notion of time that badly? "It's past midnight now, Y/N. What are you working on?" His shirt was discarded in some chair, along with his coat.

He was now in his dress pants and a black sleep blouse, leaning over the back of her chair to see the canvas. It was a picture of the sea, surely an image she hadn't been able to get out of her head after the quick trip you took to the docks with Wylan to ensure a better hiding spot, in case things went south on Saturday.

"I don't know if I'm getting the blues right... you know how it somehow turns gray when the day's rainy?" she wondered out loud. "Don't throw it away altogether, I know you're already thinking about it" "I'm not!" Y/N giggled, knowing fully her boyfriend could read her mind. "Fix it in the morning. Let's go to bed now, yes?" Kaz tried, tilting his head to her right side and nudging his nose a little on her cheek as she hummed in response.

It had taken a long time, many years, to reach these moments. Years of hoping she could one day have his arms draped around her waist in security, head on his chest without a care in the world, because all that really mattered was they'd be keeping each other warm with their bodies. Y/N was patient, not minding the baby-steps and Kaz's constant need to push her away because he thought she deserved better. Truth is, there was no one better for her.

Kaz had a hard time wrapping his head around this fact. Did you love him for him? A limping criminal who was too weak to even bear the thought of embracing you when tears streamed down your cheeks on a specially tough day? Why? It took convincing, long talks, difficult moments and even worse fights... but you made it.

She felt his steady heartbeat as they lay together in their silk black sheets, indulging in the beauty of it. Their breathings became one, and she swore there was no better place the saints could come up with as heaven. "Everything's ready?" "Yes, I figured I should come here with you instead of overthinking it all. I'll tell everyone the plan tomorrow and revise it again the day before" he took a deep breath, turning to face her and leaving a soft kiss on her lips.

"It's late, you don't seem tired" Kaz noted, Y/N's eyes nowhere near closing as they usually would by now. Her boyfriend, on the contrary, was starting to hide that beautiful icy green his irises held, then came a yawn to confirm his fatigue. "Rest, my love. I'm sure I'm not too far behind," she assured him, pecking his head as he lay on her chest now.

"Goodnight, Kaz".

˚ · • . ° .

It may as well have been minutes, or hours, days, for all she cared to reason. All she knew was that she couldn't sleep for the life of her. Kaz moved a lot in his sleep and after he lost hold of her, the night became a non-stop tossing and turning in their shared bed. She could hear the faint sound of carriages passing down their street, surely carrying some rich merchant who just had the night of his life betting or in one of the pleasure houses.

It had been a while since she felt this way. Pretty much every night prior Kaz offered her a permanent position on the crows after she worked with them was like this. The clock in their room, hanging on a wall distant from her, kept ticking and if it got quiet enough, she could've been able to hear the gears turning. Three in the bloody morning and Y/N had luckily gotten by far twenty minutes of sleep. The girl sighed and lay down again, looking up at the ceiling briefly before closing her eyes in hopes of resting a little more.

She didn't, not even in the days ahead. Kaz pointed out how he could feel her moving way more than usual as his a light sleeper, not blaming her whatsoever but more concerned as to what was keeping her up. Y/N didn't know either, so she figured solving it with Jesper's coffee and quick (very ineffective) naps on the couches and tables at the slat so she could at least be aware of the task at hand; the job.

The day came, and she felt very optimistic about it all. Truth is, Y/N loved dressing up with pretty dresses and daggers hidden around her thighs. She found some kind of satisfaction in keeping this knowledge to herself, the men and women throwing looks at her, completely unaware of how dangerous she happened to be. People on the streets knew her as the wild child... ruthlessly gorgeous, is what Kaz called her.

The girl had a habit of getting carried away in a fight. Too much anger and resentment for the past had to find an exit. It did when she killed, leaving a scared Jesper to deal with an even more scared Wylan who wouldn't dare look her in the eye for weeks after she kept on punching a man's face she saw was trying to kidnap a little girl right after a job years ago. Kaz helped and understood.

His revenge was calculating and took years in which she was by her side, but Y/N just couldn't help herself when it came down to the people who did unspeakable things to her. With the years, she got a hold of herself even though her nickname on the barrel stuck, adding "the crow queen" when word got around she was Brekker's girl. Now, she was still ruthless but way more cold-headed and grounded, Kaz's doing.

She wore a pink dress with embroidered roses around the floaty sleeves. Inej had a blue set of dress pants and shirt, long-sleeved as well as Nina sported a hot red strapless dress with a lot of cleavage. "We're a smoke show! Those fuckers will barely be able to keep their eyes off of us." The last one squealed, adjusting her hair "That's the point" Inej giggled, agreeing clearly as she looked at herself in the mirror.

Y/N laughed at the thought and her head pained a little; Girls on those big houses did the very same thing they were doing now, with very different intentions. Those ladies wanted to find a rich husband, and they'd be set. Her friends were dressed to kill, and so was she. A little fucked up version of a cliché she, too, wished to live when she was little. "I hope these sleeves aren't an issue" she wondered, picturing them getting stuck on their knife or maybe being too tight to throw a punch.

"It's a simple job, love. There's nothing to be worried about! Also, I can bet on my life Kaz is going to be drooling over you when he sees." Nina smiled, playfully smacking her shoulder. "Even more so if you fight in that, he's going to go insane" spoke the Suli girl with a giggle "Kinky" the heartrender added, making the girlfriends break in a fit of laughter. Nina was right, Y/N knew, but decided against confirming her friend's assumptions.

Her eyes felt droopy from the obvious lack of sleep but nothing a cup of coffee couldn't fix, right? She walked down the stairs and into the makeshift kitchen they owned, heating up some. The smell filled her body with pleasant chills, and suddenly some more energy invaded her. "Wacha got there?" asked Wylan, who was quietly sitting behind her. How long had he been there? How did she not notice?

"Coffee, want some?" "Right before a job?" "Yes, I haven't been sleeping too well the last couple of days". Certain zemeni voice erupted from outside the room, exclaiming a brief "Neither have us!" that had the merchling blushing like he got some contagious disease. Y/N delivered a pat on his back, and coffee in hand she exited the room.

Kaz gathered everyone in the living room, to revise the plan once more. "...so make sure you cover that corn-" He stopped mid-sentence when Y/N came into view. Her hair looked polished, but she could be bald for all he cared. The dress complimented her figure beautifully, adjusting in the right places, which to Kaz was any place, really. Inej and Nina giggled and high fived. "Go on, love." She smiled, ready to listen attentively at his plan even though he made sure to walk her through it personally a few hours ago.

As Y/N brushed next to him, he grabbed her hand to make her stop right before she got seated. "You're stunning. Is it comfortable?" he whispered, looking at her with a certain glow in his eyes he once thought lost. "Yes, dear. Thank you" she pecked her boy's cheek and took a seat behind him. He went on with the plan, and everyone seemed pretty much ready to leave.

So they did.

˚ · • . ° .

"Darling, watch out!" Jesper exclaimed, shooting at a man behind Y/N. Things went south, they did. In the hiding spot Wylan and the girl had settled; some dreg must've ratted, they guessed. An ambush from some new-forming band trying to get known by stealing from The Crows themselves, pathetic. Inej had gotten there to help, but Y/N and Jesper insisted she went back and warned the others so to spare them from possible damage.

The wild child and Jesper were a great team, who knew a durast and an avid fighter could take down men three times their size and weight? They proved on many occasions to be useful for situations as these, so there was no problem. They'd be out of there in the blink of an eye. Around ten people had arrived at the scene, and four remained, Y/N realized as she took a kick in the gut and fell on her back, jumping back on her feet with a flip.

Jes' revolvers did the job for two others as she managed with the guy in front of her. "Come on, big guy, that can't be the best you got, aye?" she smiled wickedly, taunting the man with a daring hand despite the very much broken rib she could feel. The dress was ruined with blood she was sure wasn't hers, shreds ripped it off so largely one of her legs was now exposed.

He lunged forward, coming with a dirty blade to her throat, and she skipped it. Came again, now, aiming for her arm and she skipped it again, landing a kick on the throat that left him coughing on the ground. Y/N crouched to his level and grabbed him by the hair, sliding a knife in the same spot, careful not to cut. She noticed a tattoo on his neck, a beaver. Couldn't help but laugh. "You tell your boss not to mess around with us, or next time he won't get too lucky as to get less than half of his men in one piece. And change the tattoo, a bloody beaver? Seriously?"

The man nodded furiously, tripping on his way out of the warehouse. "A beaver? Their thing is beavers?" Jesper laughed, putting his babies back in place and making sure the painting they had stolen was still with him. "I know, couldn't pick a funnier thing" she answered, giggling. Looking around, something was odd. Yes, Y/N was not very well educated and lacked the month of college her best friend had, but she thought she counted four men remaining in this spot of the building.

The other six lay limp near the door, and there were two next to them, plus the one who ran with the message. One was missing. "Hey Jes I think we're missing one" "What do you mean? There's no one here". She stopped listening and her world went quiet when he met his yes. A lanky, tall figure could be seen next to a stack of boxes on her right, a flicking light revealing him for brief intervals of time. Ugly motherfucker carrying a gun that pointed straight at her.

The blood started gushing out of her leg before she could even react. "Too slow" she faintly heard. He wasn't stopping either; shooting at various places until one loud boom next to her made it cease. Was concrete always this cold? Oh, she was now feeling Jesper's soft suit. Warmer. "Is that wool?" Y/N asked and realized her voice sounded a little quieter than she meant. "Yes, it is doll. Open your eyes for me, okay? You can't die on me now"

She really tried. She really wanted to look at her best friends face and maybe hear him crack a joke or two. But her eyes felt droopy and her head felt heavy so she finally fell asleep.

˚ · • . ° .

Kaz arrived minutes later, Wylan, Nina and Inej by his side as they all rushed to a crying Jesper, desperately trying to wake Y/N up. "S-she got shot, didn't flinch.. like she didn't even see the bastard," he hiccuped, letting his boss take his place next to a limp body as his boyfriend helped him up and hugged him tightly.

Brekker's head spun. A thousand possibilities. There was blood all over the dress, and leaking over his clothes but he couldn't give a fuck. Not her. He couldn't bare it. Y/N was a piece of heaven in that saint forsaken island, the only saint he ever believed in and the angel that saved him from himself. If he lost her, there was no coming back for him. The water rose to his nose again for a brief moment.

It hadn't happened in a while. And he chose the techniques his lover taught him. He acted. "Nina" he mumbled, taking Y/N on his arms as the grisha girl assured him she had a pulse. His legs carried him to the slat, never too far from Nina, as she was making sure her pulse didn't slow down too much. He didn't even notice the pain in his bad leg. He felt a sting on his heart, so sharp it seemed as if pieces of broken glass would poke through it at any moment.

The boy sent Inej looking for whatever idiot decided it was a good idea to try and steal from them. Only information. He'd take care of them later. The Wraith left and was out all night, returning with a lot to say the next morning. Kaz looked over at Y/N's face and the utter peace that brushed over her features scared him even more. Not now. Not like this.

"Is she going to be okay? T-there was definitely something wrong with her back there" Jesper started once the girl was on the bed and getting healed with a few healers in the dregs and Nina. Kaz was sitting, head propped up in his hands as he stared at the wall opposite from him. "She didn't move! At all! He shot her three times and looked amused while doing it". The zemeni man had to stop if he wasn't trying to reunite with the other deceased blessed people on his bloodline. Kaz's stare hardened and his jaw clenched tightly.

"Wylan, I can't lose her. She was too slow a-" "ENOUGH" Kaz stood up, looking at him with murder in his eyes. "If you were more aware of the surroundings, she would be fine. Don't you dare call her slow. This is not her fault. You should've been there" menacing gloved finger pointing to his friend. "Oh, so this is my problem now?" Jesper countered in complete disbelief. "If you don't consider your best friend's life being at critical risk a problem you're much more of a superficial, incompetent and heartless bastard than I thought." Kaz spat.

He knew this wasn't Jesper's fault, maybe it was the lack of sleep or you just weren't on your element. But he had to let it out with someone. Anyone. Pain turns into anger and screaming at your brother when it's too strong. He knew that better than anyone and couldn't care to stop himself this time. "Kaz, stop" Wylan said, and then he noticed Jesper's puffy eyes with a sigh. Then he felt his own neck starting to tickle. He was crying. Kaz Brekker didn't cry.

"Out" "But Ka-" "I SAID OUT"

And out they were. Everyone who didn't need to be there to save his girl's life. He could hear Nina struggling between wrecked sobs, fast pacing around the room and a distant sound of water running non-stop. Hours passed, and he remained in the same position, in the same chair, with the same thoughts running wild inside him.

Not you. Please. I should've been there. I'm going to kill them. Please be okay. I can't do it without her. Please.

Kaz Brekker was repeating pleas, thinking out loud to whoever was listening. Let her live. Please let her live. This is not her fault. Not to a god, neither to those saints who proved to exist so many years ago. He didn't know who he was asking for help to. But he was screaming, please don't let her go. He was leaving with her if she did.

All sound stopped, and Nina emerged from the dimly lit room, drying her cheeks. The boy stood up, looking at her with the most terrified look he ever gave someone. Fuck the facade. He was utterly afraid. "She's okay, not waking up, but she will". He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and couldn't help but throw himself into Nina's arms in search for some comfort to his wrecked sobs.

His friend received him with open arms, careful not to squeeze him too hard, as she knew that could trigger him. "I can't lose her, Nina" he whimpered before pulling away. "You're not. Not now and not soon. She's okay, Kaz. Stay with her, will you? She could be a little startled if she wakes up in an empty room"

He almost scoffed at that. What else would he do? A quiet nod was delivered, and he stepped inside to accompany her in an uncharacteristically unsettling silence. There were dirty gauzes everywhere, her dirty dress discarded in a corner and a blanket covering her figure. Kaz stopped, looking at your chest. It rose and fell in a moderate rhythm. Good.

Taking a seat once again, he held her hand and brushed a thumb over it, grateful to whoever listened. And Nina.

Sun bled through the curtains, filling it all with a pleasant orange hue Kaz knew Y/N would appreciate. Jesper came by every few hours and amends were made. He understood how badly everything hit Kaz the day before and didn't need an apology. They were all under intense pressure the day before, couldn't blame him for a such a reaction. Wylan had brought flowers and Inej made sure everything was ready for when she regained consciousness.

His crows got it handled.

A whole day and a half had gone by and he was reading beside her when she woke up. Her hand moved and he could feel the twitch in his palm, looking up frantically to find those pretty y/e/c eyes looking back at him. "Finally, got some sleep," she joked and laughed at her own joke. Kaz laughed back. "Hello" he offered, kissing her hand and never really wanting to let go "Hi". "Are you feeling okay?" the boy asked, happy to see his lover once again awake.

"It hurts a bit but I'll live" "I'm counting on that, my love". ♡

[heathsbitch]

PAINKILLER - k.b

Requested: Yes

Warnings: Slight allusion to smut (if you squint), poor proof reading (as usual)

Word Count: 1184

A/N: Hi my lovelies! I know this has been a long time coming so I hope you enjoy. I haven’t written in a while so this might not be one of my best works but there should be more to come in the near future. I hope you enjoy!

Shadows engulfed our bodies, cascaded over our skin as our breath mingled with one another. The cold climate of Ketterdam allowed us to see our breath dance together in the small space between our faces. Short pants left both of us, eyes darting back to the threshold of the alley, anxiously scanning for any Dime Lions who were hunting for us. Yet again, one of Kaz Brekker’s infallible plans (his words directly) had collapsed faster than Jesper trying to resist the call of the cards. Another job gone awry, another pursuit through the murky streets of Ketterdam.

As protocol demanded of us, the other Crows and I had split into pairs in order to escape from the scene of the crime. And, of course, I had to end up with the Bastard of the Barrel himself. It was his fault the job had gone amiss; he had miscalculated how long it would take his deft fingers to pry into the lock of the safe. Ever skilful with his hands, we trusted him blindly. But we were swarmed by Dime Lions before Kaz could bypass the lock, much to everyone’s chagrin. Frustration still clouded my mind as I glared at my boss; his head lent against the damp stone wall of the alley, chest heaving with deep breaths. My eyes followed the sharp lines of his jaw, the shadows that covered us accentuating them. His tongue slipped past the barrier of his thin lips to moisten them before he allowed his eyes a moments rest, a great sigh escaping from his broad chest.

I was desperate to know what was raging through his head; perhaps he shared in my anger at the failure of a job, or maybe he held no remorse at all, merely considering the next job he’d send us on. My theories were soon discarded however, as I saw him move a singular gloved hand to his stomach, his breaths still deep but more controlled. Despite the fact that Kaz and I would often bicker and bite at one another, I was one of his most trusted compatriots; and I knew what most did not. The truth about his childhood, the demons that threatened to drag him into the depths of the water where his brother resided, the bile that promised to rise from his throat if he were to come into contact with another human being.

I pushed my back harder against the alley wall, trying to distance myself from my boss in a desperate attempt to provide him with some relief. Either my effort went unnoticed, or he didn’t care, for the next words that came from his mouth were, “Stop staring.”

“I’m not staring.” I was quick to respond, pressing myself further against the wall in another futile attempt to widen the space between us. “Then what are you doing?” His eyes were back on me, scanning me; ice following every slight movement of my face, every twitch of my lips, searching for the truth as if it were about to appear written on my forehead. “Checking for injuries,” I simply replied, my talents as not only a Grisha, but a healer, had been put to use countless times after jobs had gone astray. Or Jesper had ended up pissing off some poor soul that ended in a bar fight neither wanted. He merely hummed as a response before his eyes went back to the opening of the alley, scouting for Dime Lions again.

The sun had begun to set on Ketterdam, more and more people filtered onto the streets; laughter, smells of cigarette smoke and cheap alcohol had started to float among the airwaves. Night was falling, the streets growing more crowded by the second, filled with inhabitants desperate for some form of sin. “We should move.” I suggested, fidgeting with my hands. Discomfort still lurked between us, “We can’t risk moving, not yet. We need to stay low,” He ran a hand through his dark hair, the strands slipping through his fingers as they found their place against his forehead. Kaz shifted on his feet, and I could see he was trying to think of his next move, planning a way for us to escape from the alley without being cornered by the Lions.  

“Come here.” He muttered; words barely eligible over the sounds of various forms of pleasure that had crowded the streets of Ketterdam. “Excuse me?” To say I was shocked at his declaration would have been an understatement. The man in front of me nodded towards the opening of the alley, directing my attention to couples that had chosen that space to indulge in one another. Hands wandered against bodies, mouths collided with mouths, “If the Dime Lions come looking for us here, all they’ll find is people enjoying each other.” He had taken a step closer to me, no longer leaning his back against the dame alley wall. “But Kaz...” I tried to protest, thinking of the demons that were lurking behind his cold eyes.

He reached a gloved hand towards mine and pulled it towards him, more specifically his stomach. “Try.” I knew what he meant; we had mentioned it in passing before but had never got the chance to try it. I had proposed the idea that perhaps my abilities as a Corporalki could ease the nausea that filled him every time he came into contact with someone else. My eyes slipped shut as my fingers flexed, trying to find the pain that lurked within him; his hand remained wrapped around my wrist, pushing my fingers harder against himself. Even through the multiple layers of clothing, I could feel his muscles taut and tensing under my touch.

A whimper of relief left Kaz’s thin lips as he threw his head back once more, “Fuck.” It was working. I looked at the man in front of me as I continued to work at his pain. His eyes found me, “Kiss me.” He whispered. Unsure of whether the sudden urge for intimacy was to keep up the rouse of a couple, or if it came as a result of his new-found relief, I obliged his request.

Tentatively, I let my lips find his. Another moan came from Kaz, this time more guttural and primal. His hips pushed into mine, my back hitting the wall of the alley. His gloved fingers slid around my waist as the once-gentle kiss deepened. Our teeth collided, tongues dancing, hips grinding into one another. The surprise that filled my mind at his request had slowly begun to sink away, instead replaced by another feeling. One of hunger, of lust, for the Bastard of the Barrel, the very same Bastard who refused to come within an inch of another human being if he had the choice. The very same Bastard whose mouth was connected to mine, whose hands wondered the softer parts of my body, aimlessly grabbing and squeezing at the flesh. He was a man starved; a tortured man who had finally found relief, and was desperate to work out the frustrations that had amassed within his body.

You can find my other Kaz writings in my Masterlist.

[pinchofhoney]

You know I can't stay away from your writing for long so here I am againnn....angst prompt 5 and fluff promt 10. Besties to loverss plsssss.....with either Sirius Black or Kaz I can't choose

No angst...I can't take it rnnnn 😭

take a hint # 200 followers special event

» prompt event » special events masterlist

angst prompt five: “please leave before i lose myself to madness and beg you to stay”

fluff prompt ten: and it was when A watched B look at someone else the way they wanted to be looked at. does A realize how much in love with their best friend they were?

gif is not mine, credit to the owner

kaz brekker x fem!reader

word count: 3.8k

warning: kaz has no romantic feelings for inej in this one, it doesn't have a specific time in the canon, i made up one of the characters, best friends to lovers (between the lines), mention of murder

summary: It seems that Kaz always expects you to read between the lines, even though you are a thief and not an expert in interpreting written texts.

a/n: whenever i see notifications from you, i feel like a happy golden retriever puppy, hello!!<33 i feel that writing anything with sirius would be easier for me in almost every way, especially since that character has been my favorite since childhood, but i wanted to try something new and i was thrilled with the chance to do so! (it's a mess)

pages that may interest you: masterlist ♡ taglist ♡ who i write for

As you stepped out into the gloomy, rain-soaked streets of Ketterdam, you could felt the weight of the city's bearing down upon you. It was a place where danger lurked around every corner, where crime and corruption were the norm, and where only the strongest and most cunning survived. The city's winding, labyrinthine streets were treacherous and difficult to navigate, with slimy cobblestones that seemed to shift and writhe beneath your feet. The stench of sewage and decay hanged heavy in the air, a reminder of the filth and squalor that permeated every inch of the city.

The people of Ketterdam were a rough and ragged bunch, with sharp tongues and even sharper knives. Every interaction was a potential threat, every stranger a possible enemy. It was a place where trust was hard to come by, and betrayal was always just a heartbeat away. And yet, despite all of this, you couldn't help but feel drawn to the city. It was the only place where you've ever felt truly at home, where you could be yourself without fear of judgment or rejection. It was a feeling that both comforted and terrified you, and you knew that you'll never be able to escape it, no matter how hard you try.

You hated Ketterdam with a passion, yet you found yourself unable to imagine living anywhere else. Maybe it was because you hated yourself too, the mere thought of being ordinary filled you with a deep-seated loathing. You had no talents, no skills that could make others look at you with admiration, and to make matters worse, you weren't your parents' favorite child either. That distinction belonged to your older sister, the Grisha who had always been showered with adoration and affection, even when she was away in the Little Palace, thousands of miles from home.

Your parents had always compared you to her, highlighting your shortcomings and making you feel like a disappointment. Even when she was gone, they treated you worse than they ever had before, as if you brought them shame just by existing.

Yet, in Ketterdam, your ordinariness was a blessing. As a member of a gang of thieves, you were the perfect fit. Your lack of beauty and grace made you unremarkable, allowing you to blend into the shadows and avoid attention. You moved with ease through the convoluted streets of the city, navigating its twists and turns, always keeping your wits about you. Of course, there were a times of doubts, where you couldn't help but think that perhaps being strikingly beautiful would be an asset to your profession, especially when robbing wealthy merchants who came to Ketterdam seeking to indulge in its illicit pleasures. But even then, you knew that such a gift would come with its own set of complications, and in Ketterdam, complications were the last thing you needed.

You pulled the hood of your dark cloak over your head, lowering it slightly to obscure your face. You didn't want to be recognized by anyone, but at the same time, you needed to keep an eye on your surroundings and react quickly if needed.

You hastily tucked your frozen hands into the pockets of your coat and quickened your step as you saw two men who were part of the Dime Lions. Your heart skipped a beat as you recognized them. Lately, you had been avoiding these people more than usual, ever since you got into an unnecessary street fight with several members of the gang. They had made it clear that they weren't happy with you, and you knew that they wouldn't hesitate to attack you if given the chance.

But it wasn't just the Dime Lions that you were avoiding. Some people in Ketterdam knew about things they shouldn’t. It was no secret that rumors spread like wildfire in this city, and often found their way into the hands of those who would use them for their own gain. But in a world full of terrible people, you had to be worse.

You walked with no clear destination in mind, driven by the need to distance yourself as much as possible from the Crow Club. It was only moments ago that you had found yourself in a heated argument with the one person who mattered the most to you. His stubborn pride had come between you once again, making you curse his name to the heavens above.

The tension in the hallway was thick enough to cut with a knife as you and Kaz stood facing each other, both seething with frustration. His eyes glinted in the dim light, anger etched deep into the lines of his face. What had started as a minor disagreement had quickly escalated into a full-blown argument, fueled by the unspoken feelings that both tried to hide.

“You don't understand, Y/N,” Kaz growled, his voice low and scratchy. “You never do. You're always off on your own, thinking you know what's best for everyone. You can't keep taking unnecessary risks. It's not just your life on the line.”

“I know that,” you snapped back, your eyes flashing with anger. “But we can’t just sit back and do nothing. We need to take action if we want to survive.”

“Of course we need to take action,” Kaz shot back, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I'm not saying we should do nothing. But we need to be smart about it. We can't rush in blindly. That's why I'm in charge. I know what I'm doing.”

You rolled your eyes, exasperated. “Sometimes being smart means taking risks. That's how we get ahead.”

A heavy silence hung in the air between you, filled only by the sound of your breathing and the rustle of your clothes. Kaz's gaze bore into you with an intensity that made your skin crawl.

His jaw tightened, and he spoke through gritted teeth. “Fine,” he said, his voice icy. “Do whatever you want. But don't expect me to follow you blindly into danger.”

You took a step closer to Kaz, your eyes blazing. “I don't need you to follow me, Kaz. I can take care of myself.”

His eyes narrowed, and he took a step back, his hand on his cane for support. “Then go ahead and do that. But please, leave before I lose myself to madness and beg you to stay.”

Your chest tightened with hope as Kaz's words registered in your mind. Could it be that he actually wanted you to stay? But your hopes were dashed as you saw him turn his back and begin walking away. The urge to call out to him, to make him admit his feelings, consumed you, but you knew it was pointless. Kaz Brekker was not one to bare his soul.

With a frustrated growl, you clenched your fists so tightly that your nails dug painfully into your palms. Without another word, you turned and stormed down the stairs. Ignoring Jesper's questioning gaze and Wylan's confused expression, you burst out into the rain-soaked streets of the Barrel, letting the cool droplets wash away your anger and frustration.

Your mind was a chaotic mess of emotions as you walked, all directed towards the one man who had the power to make you feel so much. Kaz's words echoed in your head, spoken in his rough voice, which usually sounded like the most beautiful melody to your ears, but now it was a curse that tormented you and did not allow you to find peace.

“I don't need you, Kaz. You're the last person I want,” you muttered under your breath, and as if fate was playing a game, you bumped into the very person with whom the whole argument began. What a coincidence.

You lifted your gaze, and your eyes met with the one who infamously called himself Ketterdam's most dangerous person. Although he didn't know you, you were familiar with him well enough to know that he would want to have you with him despite your undistinguished appearance and lack of special skills.

In a rush of panic, you lowered your head, feigning humility to mask your face. “I apologize, sir,” you began, trying to hide the hint of fear you could sense in your voice. “I should be more careful.”

The man smirked, his eyes scanning over your form. “It's no problem, sweetheart,” he said, his voice oozing with arrogance and entitlement. “But you should watch where you're going. It's not safe to be wandering around these parts alone.” His hand brushed against your arm, sending shivers down your spine.

You flinched at the touch, trying to pull away from him, but then he grabbed you. You knew what type of man he was, and the last thing you wanted was to be alone with him in a dark alley. You tried to think of an excuse to leave, but before you could say anything, the gravelly rasp of a familiar voice interrupted.

“Is there a problem here, gentlemen?” Kaz's voice was calm and controlled, but there was an underlying threat that made the man release his grip on you and take a step back.

“None at all,” the man replied smoothly.

Kaz stepped closer, his eyes narrowing. “I suggest you leave the lady alone then.”

The man scoffed. “I suggest you mind your own business, boy.”

Kaz's hand, covered with a leather glove, tightened on the crow's head ornamenting his cane. “I'll make it my business if I see someone harassing a woman in my city.”

The man sneered, clearly not intimidated by Kaz's threat. “Your city?” he asked with a hint of derision, studying Kaz more thoughtfully. Suddenly, as if he had just connected the dots, he added, “Last time I checked, it was still called Ketterdam, not Dirtyhands's kingdom.”

Kaz's expression didn't change, but you could sense the tension in the air. “Believe what you want, but if you don't leave now, I'll make sure you regret it.”

The man seemed to consider his options for a moment before finally releasing a grunt of annoyance and walking away, oblivious to the inevitable fate that awaited him regardless of his decision. Death was the only possible outcome and the only variable was who would carry out the execution.

Finally, the man was out of sight, and you released a breath you didn't even realize you were holding. Kaz turned to you, and you met his gaze with a mixture of gratitude and anger. Despite feeling indebted to him for his intervention, you couldn't help but feel frustrated by his interference. “I didn't need your help,” you said, trying to sound confident.

Kaz raised an eyebrow. “It sure looked like you did.”

You glared at him, feeling embarrassed and exposed. He had seen you in a moment of vulnerability, and you hated yourself for it. “I could have handled it,” you insisted, although you knew it was a lie. You couldn't have handled the situation on your own. You were a skilled thief, but you lacked the physical strength to overpower a man twice your size. You were not armed with revolvers, nor did you possess the abilities of a Corpsewitch. You were just an average person, with quick fingers and the ability to pick locks, nothing more.

“How did you know where to find me?” you added.

“Did you think I wouldn't follow you? I had a feeling you'd get yourself into trouble, but I didn't expect it to happen so soon.”

You rolled your eyes, but a small part of you was grateful that Kaz had your back. “And what about-”

“Inej will take care of him,” he said, cutting you off, signaling that he didn't want to discuss the matter any further. “Let's head back to the Slat. You're soaked.”

Kaz started walking away, disappearing into a dark alley without waiting for you. You sighed and followed him, feeling the dampness of your clothes sticking to your skin.

The walk back to the Slat was silent, with only the sound of raindrops hitting the cobblestones to fill the air. As you entered the place, you immediately noticed the curious looks of your crewmates. Jesper was there, even though he usually preferred gambling at the Crows Cub and Matthias stood at the top of the stairs, watching you with his arms crossed. It seemed like everyone was waiting for you to return, and you couldn't help but feel uneasy.

Ignoring the greetings, Kaz announced, “You'll never guess who Y/N met.” The room fell silent, and Kaz removed his hat as if to emphasize his point. “Antoon Beudeker.”

A hum of surprised sounds ran through the room, and all eyes turned to you. You felt uncomfortable being the center of attention. You had been trying to track down Beudeker for weeks, but he always managed to slip away from you, as if someone in the Dregs was tipping him off about your plans.

Nina spoke up, breaking the silence. “What do you mean by that?”

Kaz looked at you, not bothering to hide his annoyance. “A talent for stealing isn't Y/N's only skill. As you can see, the talent for trouble far outweighs it.”

You shifted uncomfortably under Kaz's gaze, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and frustration. You knew you had made a mistake by bumping into Beudeker, but it wasn't even your fault. All you wanted was to cut yourself off after the argument with Kaz, and now he was the one who was right again.

Wylan's voice carried through the quiet room, breaking the tension. “What are we do with him now?” he asked, but no one answered, assuming that it was up to their missing Wraith to handle the situation.

Jesper's frustration boiled over, and he jumped up from his seat. “It's not fair!” he exclaimed, pointing his revolver at the wall. “I was the one who wanted to put a bullet between his eyes.”

Matthias stepped forward, before anyone reacted to sharpshooter's words, his expression serious. “We need to figure out who's been leaking our plans to Antoon. This could be dangerous for all of us.”

“I agree,” Nina added. “We need to find out who's been betraying us and deal with them.”

Wylan's voice piped up, “What if we set a trap?”

Kaz nodded, considering the idea.

“We could feed different information to each member of the Dregs and see which version gets back to someone who will claim to be Beudeker now. That way, we'll know who we can trust and who we can't,” you suggested.

Nina grinned. “I like it. And if we catch the traitor, we can make an example out of them.”

Jesper's eyes gleamed with anticipation. “I'll provide the entertainment.”

Matthias shook his head. “No, Jesper. We can't take the law into our own hands. We'll handle the traitor according to our own rules, but we won't kill them.”

Jesper shrugged, disappointed but not arguing. “But killing is our rule, Helvar.”

Matthias's expression darkened, but before he could reply, Kaz spoke up. “That's enough. We're not discussing this any further. We need to focus on finding the leak first, not arguing about how to deal with them.”

Jesper and Matthias both looked at Kaz, but neither of them said anything. The silence in the room was heavy with tension, and you could sense the frustration emanating from Jesper and the anger radiating from Matthias. Kaz's tone had effectively shut down the conversation, but you knew that it was far from over.

“We'll start investigating tomorrow,” Kaz's voice filled the room again. “For now, let's all get some rest. We have a long day ahead of us.”

As Kaz's words faded away, the tension in the room dissipated, and everyone began to go their separate ways. You hesitated, still reeling from the events of the evening, unsure of what to do next.

Sensing your unease, Kaz approached you, his expression serious but not unkind. “I know this is a lot to take in,” he said, his voice low. “But we have a job to do, and we can't afford to let our emotions cloud our judgment. I need you to be focused tomorrow, do you understand?”

You nodded, feeling a bit guilty for today’s argument. “Yes. I'll be ready,” you replied, determined to not let him down.

Kaz gave you a small nod of approval before turning to leave. You watched him go, listening to the rhythmic tapping of his cane on the panels. The weight of his words settling on your shoulders. It was true that you couldn't afford to let your emotions get in the way of the investigation, but it was easier said than done. The events of the evening had shaken you to your core, and you weren't sure if you could push them aside so easily. Life in Ketterdam has been hard, but never before has such danger reached you directly.

With a heavy sigh, you made your way back to your room, hoping that a good night's rest would help clear your mind.

You were surprised to find the Antoon's spy so easily, feeling foolish for not discovering it sooner. Despite the setback, the mood in the Crow Club remained peaceful as the days passed. The seventh of you sat together, planning your next move and gossiping about Ketterdam's richest people. Kaz seemed more relaxed than usual, and even Jesper and Matthias were on their best behavior, seemingly content to simply enjoy the moment of peace.

As the night wore on and the group's conversation continued to flow, you couldn't help but notice Kaz's eyes on you. You caught his gaze a few times, and each time you felt a jolt of electricity run through you. It was a feeling you had been trying to ignore for a while now, but it was becoming increasingly difficult with each passing day.

As you turned to look at Jesper, who was recounting a funny story, you noticed Kaz's expression change slightly. It was a subtle shift, but you could tell he was suddenly distant, lost in thought.

After a few minutes, Kaz stood up and motioned for you to follow him. You looked around at the others, confused, but they simply shrugged and continued their conversation. You followed Kaz up the dimly lit hallway to his office.

Once inside, Kaz closed the door and motioned for you to take a seat. You sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk, feeling a bit nervous. Kaz took a seat opposite you, resting his cane on the desk, right next to the chair and leaned forward, his elbows on his desk.

His expression was serious, but not unkind. “I wanted to talk to you about something,” he began, his voice low. “I've noticed that things between us have been a bit... different lately.”

You shifted in your seat, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “Different how?” you asked, not sure if you really wanted to know the answer.

Kaz leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. “I think you know what I mean,” he replied, his gaze fixed on yours.

Your heart skipped a beat as you realized what he was talking about. “Kaz, I...” you began, but he cut you off with a wave of his hand.

“I just wanted you to know that I'm aware of the situation,” he said, his tone even, then he paused for a moment. “You know, Y/N. I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to care for someone. To really care for someone,” he looked directly at you, his eyes intense, emphasizing the weight of his words. “And I've come to the conclusion that there's no one I care for more than you.”

You were completely taken aback by Kaz's words. You had never heard him express his feelings so openly before. Your heart raced as you searched his face for any sign of insincerity, but you found none. You were overcome with a mixture of shock, disbelief, and joy.

His heart sank as he watched you gaze at Jesper with a look of admiration and affection earlier, even if you two were just friends. It was then that he realized how deeply in love with you he truly was. He had been trying to ignore his feelings for you for so long, but seeing you look at someone else with such tenderness was too much to bear.

Kaz carefully chose his words, wanting to express his feelings without being too direct. “I've been thinking about our friendship,” he said, his voice low and serious. “I value our bond more than anything else in the world, and I want to make sure that nothing ever comes between us.”

“Why are you bringing this up now?” you asked genuinely confused by Kaz's sudden openness.

He shifted in his seat, looking almost uncomfortable, “Well, I just wanted to make sure that you know how much you mean to me,” Kaz said, his eyes meeting yours. “There's no one else I trust or care for more than you, Y/N.”

You could feel the weight of his words, the sincerity and depth of emotion behind them. You knew that he was a man of few words, and when he spoke, it was always with a purpose. It was hard to reconcile this Kaz with the cold and distant one you had grown accustomed to over the years.

You couldn't help but feel that there was an underlying message in Kaz's words, something that he wasn't explicitly stating. Your intuition was telling you that there was more to the story than what he had let on. You couldn't ignore the nagging feeling that something was amiss.

“Kaz,” you began, your voice hesitant. “Is there something else you want to tell me? Something that you're not saying?”

Kaz's expression remained neutral, but you could sense a hint of discomfort in his demeanor. You knew that he wasn't one to wear his heart on his sleeve, so you weren't surprised that he was hesitant to open up to you completely.

“I've said what I needed to say,” Kaz replied, his voice flat. “There's nothing more to it.”

His reply felt like a dead end, and you couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment. You knew that he was a complex person, with layers that even you couldn't fully comprehend, but you couldn't shake off the sense that he was still holding something back. Nonetheless, you tried to put on a brave face and show your gratitude for his honesty.

“Okay,” you said, rising from your seat. “I appreciate you telling me how you feel. Our friendship means the world to me too, Kaz.” You couldn't help but wonder what his true intentions were, but you knew that you needed to be patient and let him come to you when he was ready.

[lialialow]

Kaz Brekker | Injuries and Love

Fluff + Angst Kaz Brekker x reader

Warnings Swearing, mention of death, injuries

Synopsis Being the only healer in Ketterdam willing to treat Kaz Brekker is hard enough, falling in love with him is harder…

A/N I enjoyed writing this way too much- enjoy!

Word Count 1.5k

It had been five long years of seeing Kaz walk in, a stab wound, a bullet wound, a few bruises here and there, a knife in his back. The list was endless. Being the most targeted 17-year-old in Ketterdam was no easy feat, so it was no shock to you when he walked in, yet again dripping blood onto your newly cleaned floors.

You were the only healer in all of Ketterdam that Kaz allowed himself to be weak in front of; you get it. The bastard of the barrel had to keep up his strong face in front of all, you being the one and only exception. That fateful meeting all those years ago, you were the girl sitting by the dock, who noticed that half dead boy floating in the water, and it was you who subsequently revived him.

After that, you grew close to the boy, both of you having no one but each other, and of course he consistently got into fights, who better than a healer as his best friend to heal him up, ready for his next endeavour. For many years, you were the one and only person he trusted, everyone else was but a stranger; he never let another person see past his facade.

As you grew to care more and more for Kaz, you would only become increasingly more worried each time he walked into your room at the Crow Club. What if this was the time his injury was just too much? What if you became the reason for his death? So each time he walked out of your room perfectly fine, it felt like a mountain of pressure was lifted off of your shoulders.

It was a dilemma for you, on one hand, you wanted nothing more than for him to constantly be in your presence, but it seemed every time he was; it was for the sole purpose of you healing him, so you began to hope he would never come to see you.

After all, you didn’t want him to get hurt, not even a scratch.

- - -

“Wowww, thanks Kaz! Dripping your blood onto my freshly cleaned floors, amazing!” you grumbled, rolling your eyes.

“Adds a sense of decor.” Kaz replies, his eyebrow raising, sarcasm from you, not unexpected.

You stared him down, even when injured he still held himself high and proud. Only leaning on his cane for support, so bloody arrogant, though you guess that’s one of the things you loved about him.

“Hmph. Tell me Kaz, how does one go about getting stabbed in the side at… Seven AM in the morning?”

A bewildered expression occupying your face.

“It’s the barrel”

“Helpful, not gonna work this time though. Elaborate.”

“I was out, then this bastard came out of nowhere and just stabbed me in the fucking side.”

“Unprovoked, sure”

“Yes.”

“Well… Y-You’ve got to be more careful, for god's sake, I can’t keep fucking healing you every single time you go out!” you scolded, running your hands through your hair and moving to the drawer where you kept your kit, a routine so common it was ingrained into your brain.

“Come on y/n, you and I both know it isn’t that big of a deal, just a scratch.” He spoke aimlessly towards your back, willing you to meet his eyes.

“You can’t say that Kaz, It’s reckless. It’s irresponsible. It’s-”

Just as you were finishing your sentence, Kaz keeled over, his hand moving to his side, covering the wound and then, collapsed.

Panic overwhelmed all of your senses.

Shit. Fuck. What, What? Oh god. Keep calm y/n Don’t be stupid.

He never outright collapsed, Nina always stopped that, she always did. But this time, the blood loss must have been too much; you should have caught that. The blood, dripping; and of course, how could you have missed the evident paleness of his face, it was so ashen.

If you hadn’t been so busy scolding him for blood on the goddamn floor.

God's sake it was such a simple thing, it could have been so easily cleaned up: your own ignorance could lead him to dying. Shit.

You rushed over to him, your hand grabbing a bandage from the drawer. As you kneeled down you could see the blood slowly soaking through his shirt, and instinctively shouted for someone, anyone, to just help.

Come on y/n, concentrate

Tearing open his shirt you immediately spotted the stab wound, bleeding crimson red: focusing as much as you possibly could, you gently placed your hands either side of the wound. Just as you began healing Kaz, the door swung open, and immediately you heard Jesper’s whiny voice from right behind you.

“Woah! Getting a bit touchy there aren’t we y/n?” Jesper taunted, craning his neck over your shoulder.

“Shut it Jesper- The man is dying!”

You hadn’t even realised it but you were crying, a literal mess. Honestly, most of the time you were not like this, but you guess the recent stress of general life had just overwhelmed all sense of stability in your emotions. So you carried on doing what you do best, healing Kaz…

With Jesper finally shutting up, you could finally concentrate, and by that point the only enemy was your own brain; convincing you that for some reason Kaz was going to die. Yet your heart knew that you weren’t going to let this bloody bastard die. Looking down you realised you had already closed the wound, only a bright red scar could be seen forming, surrounded by the pre-existing blood.

Huh

Standing up slowly, your head felt just a bit light and you wandered your way outside, immediately vomiting up any food you had eaten in the morning onto the pavement, to the horror of Jesper, who stood right behind you.

“FUCKING HELL Y/N, give a bit of a warning will you?” he teased, jumping away from you, but sobered up quickly after realising you were crying.

“Fuck, Jesper. Sorry”

“It’s fine darling. Kaz will be fine, thanks to you.” Jesper replied, dragging you in by the arm.

“But I let him get that bad, I didn’t notice, I-”

You pulled yourself away from his hold, and stared him straight in the eyes. What a mess he must be seeing. Something you never really let anyone see, your weaknesses, you could say.

“You love him, don’t you?”

“I-”

Realisation slowly dawned on your features, that’s it, that’s why you felt this hole slowly opening in your heart, that’s why you were so full of anguish, and constantly blaming yourself.

“Trust me y/n, he feels the same, I mean sure you don’t see it; but his face truly lights up every time you're around him, not noticeably sure, but it does. It just makes you wonder, he probably just got injured as an excuse to see you again.”

“Wishful thinking”

- - -

Just as your brain leapt into the depths of hope, both you and Jesper heard a loud crash from your room, right where Kaz was staying. Without another thought you ran, sprinted, almost tripped and fell, up the stairs and burst the door open. Right in front of you was dirtyhands himself, looking like a ghost, yet still as handsome as ever.

“YOU MOTHERFUCKER, SCARING ME HALF TO DEATH, KAZ BREKKER YOU ABSOLUTE NITWIT. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND GETS STABBED AT SEVEN IN THE MORNING. WHO-” You yelled, combing your fingers through your sweat soaked hair.

Then you stopped, realising his hand was next to yours.

“Please stop y/n, I have a headache.”

Processing his words, you couldn’t help but think how anyone could have fallen in love with this arrogant selfish fool. But you did.

You fell to the floor, kneeling and sobbing, an overly emotional fool was what you were. Relief washed over you, he was alive, it was okay, yet still you couldn’t stop the endless flow of tears that appeared to come from your eyes.

“I love you y/n” Kaz whispered to you, his hand still holding yours.

Wait-

Hold on.

“Say something you idiot.” He urged, your sobs had stopped, and now you had resorted to staring into blank space, you really had gone through all five stages of grief in the space of five minutes.

“Did you hit your head when you fell?” you uttered, a hand reaching out to check his head.

“No”

“Oh,” your voice barely more than a whisper, “Well, then, I love you too Kaz.”

“Good.” He replied walking over to your bed and laying down, leaving you standing motionless and speechless.

After what felt like an hour, you sat down next to him and took his hand.

“Kaz I shouldn’t think this, but I can't help to just be slightly thankful that you got stabbed, not that it’s a good thing that you got injured, but-”

“I get it,” he said “Now let me sleep.”

And you could have sworn you could see a slight smile on his face. Looks like everything went according to his plan.

- - -

[curseofaphrodite]

Groupchat

kaz x reader

summary: Jesper makes a groupchat with all the crows to annoy Kaz about his feelings regarding Y/N. (very short and cheesy!)

Inej: YOU BOUGHT Y/N A CAT? WHO ARE YOU? Kaz: No, I gave Y/N permission to have one. 

Inej: SAME THING.

Wylan: Is it a ship I smell?

Kaz: Why am I here again?

—Jesper named the group Kaz and Y/N Sitting Under a Tree — Jesper: 😎

— Kaz named the group I will cut you —

Inej: okay then

Matthias: I just wanted the complete plan for the heist. What am I doing here?

Kaz: I’m throwing all of your phones into the sea. And if any of this reach Y/N, I’ll fire all of you. 

— Kaz has left the chat —

Jesper: pfft we can keep a secret. we’re criminals for a living.

— Y/N has left the chat —

Jesper: Fuck.

[mcntsee]

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[jahayla-parker]

Hits Different : Freddy Carter x Reader

Description: 2.5k wc (including lyrics) set to the tone of If This Was a Movie by Taylor Swift. Part 2/Freddy's POV of Catastrophic Blues. Angst, breakup, heartbreak, post-breakup, longing, sadness, etc.

Warnings: I advise you re-read (or read) part 1/Catastrophic Blues first! Other warnings: drinking, Angst, breakup, heartbreak, post-breakup, longing, sadness, vomiting, crying, etc.

Part 1 - Y/n's POV - Catastrophic Blues

Last night I heard my own heart beating

Sounded like footsteps on my stairs

Six months gone and I'm still reaching

Even though I know you're not there

Freddy groaned as he ran his hands down his face. Tonight was going to be another sleepless night. He’d been having far too many of those lately. Ever since the night he and y/n had broken up.

Freddy had found himself constantly clinging to the faintest of sounds in ignorant hope that maybe it was her. There was no reason for it to be. In fact, he should’ve been adjusted to the lack of her presence by now. Instead, it was like this dark void that he found himself drowning in day in and day out.

Freddy missed y/n like mad. He knew she wasn’t going to be around anymore. But, he couldn’t stop wishing she was. He couldn’t stop the way his breath would hitch every time he thought he’d caught a glimpse of her around town. She may not have any physical presence in his life anymore, but her metaphorical presence was felt heavily by him nonetheless.

I was playing back a thousand memories, baby

Thinking 'bout everything we've been through

Maybe I've been going back too much lately

When time stood still and I had you

Freddy wiped his damp face as he shut the photo album. He carefully set the album on his coffee table as he threw his head back against the couch cushions. He wasn’t sure why he was torturing himself like this. It wasn’t like he even needed to look back at the photos to remember his time with her.

Freddy nevertheless found himself pulling out the photo album at least once a week. He found himself flicking through the pages of him and y/n as he nursed a beer. He still had the memories of each moment that was photographed in the album. But, they felt like just that, memories. Memories that felt so far gone now that he needed to be sure they were real. Whereas the photos were physical evidence that their love was real and genuine. So no matter how painful it was, he’d willingly sit on his sofa at night to pore over the photos.

Come back, come back, come back to me like

You would, you would if this was a movie

Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out

Come back, come back, come back to me like

You could, you could if you just said you're sorry

I know that we could work it out somehow

The role Freddy was cast in for his latest projects felt almost painfully derisive. He was playing the role of a man who had been reunited with the love of his life. It was a brutal contrast to Freddy’s own life at the moment.

Freddy had been certainly that y/n was the love of his life. Quite frankly, he still was certain of that. Only, there wasn’t anything he could to do repair the damage and close the distance between them. While he accepted the part he’d played in them having reached this predicament, the fact remained that the ball was in her court now. She had to be the one to decide she wanted a life with him. He wouldn’t force her nor beg her to choose him.

As painful as what she’d said had been, Freddy knew they could make it through all of that. If only she wanted to. If only she was as heartbroken as he was over their relationship ending. Then they could work together to make it through to the happy life he envisioned for them.

But if this was a movie, you'd be here by now

As optimistic as Freddy was over the notion that he and y/n could work things out, he couldn’t ignore the evidence that she clearly didn’t agree. Despite considerable time having passed since the initial rush of emotions that night, she hadn’t come to apologize and say she wanted to work through it. She wasn’t here fighting for their relationship, for their love. Unlike the romance film he was working on, this wasn’t the set or plot of a movie, this was just reality.

I know people change and these things happen

But I remember how it was back then

Wrapped up in your arms and our friends were laughin'

'Cause nothing like this ever happened to them

“Mate, it’ll be alright,” Max, Freddy’s friend mumbled softly. He knew his friend wouldn’t believe him, but he hated seeing him this heartbroken over his breakup. He carefully took the photo out of Freddy’s hands and set it upside down on the table. “You guys wanted different things, you weren’t on the same page anymore, it happens”.

Freddy nodded solemnly. Max was right about one thing. Freddy wasn’t sure when he and y/n changed in a way that drove them apart; but, they had. However, Max was wrong about it being okay. It wasn’t alright. Not now. Nor would it be; ever. Despite the pain he was suffering, Freddy still swore she was the one. In fact, he’d argue that his anguish was merely a testament to that. It wouldn’t be hurting this bad, for this long, if y/n wasn’t the one for him. If only he’d been the one for her as well.

Now I'm pacing down the hall, chasing down your street

Flashback to the night when you said to me

"Nothing's gonna change, not for me and you"

Not before I knew how much I had to lose

Freddy sighed to himself as he slowly dragged his feet in defeat on his way back to his apartment. He’d ventured out to take a walk and hopefully clear his head. Or at least that’s what he’d say if anyone asked. Truthfully, he’d been secretly hoping that he’d catch at least a glimpse of y/n somewhere between his flat and the outside of their apartment building. His mind kept telling him it wanted to see her just once more. But, he knew even if he had run into her, it wouldn’t have been enough.

Freddy often thought back to the night before he’d cluelessly asked y/n to move in with him. He had been so naively happy and content. Her wrapped up in his arms as they cuddled after their date earlier that night. He hadn’t even contemplated y/n saying no, much less things ending between them because of it. He had no idea how much he had to lose. And by the time that he did, it was already too late.

Come back, come back, come back to me like

You would, you would if this was a movie

Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out

Come back, come back, come back to me like

You could, you could if you just said you're sorry

I know that we could work it out somehow

But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

What Freddy wouldn’t give for a chance to fix this pain. For a chance to take y/n back. For a chance for happiness and love to once again be the focal point of his life. For a chance for him and y/n to be together again. But he refused to push her into anything; especially something she didn’t want. And she’d made it clear she did not want this life with him.

It was crushing to hear y/n say he was suffocating her by wanting to live together. It was singing he wished to never risk being out through again. That being said, Freddy knew he’d take y/n back in an instant if she knocked on his door and apologized. It was all he needed. It didn’t have to be anything dramatic, he just needed to know how she felt. Her apology would be the sign Freddy would need to hear to know he wouldn’t be forcing her to do something she didn’t want. But the apology never came. And neither did y/n.

If you're out there

If you're somewhere

If you're moving on

I've been waiting for you

Ever since you've been gone

“I want her happy,” Freddy mumbled drunkenly. He took another swig of his beer and sighed loudly. “No matter what,” he clarified. He leaned his heavy head on the pub table. “Jus’, would like it to be with me,” he added with a frown.

Freddy’s brother Tom sighed sympathetically. “We don’t even know it was her,” he pointed out. “She could be feeling the same way as you mate. You don’t know she moved on”.

Freddy pursed his lips as he tried to think through the haziness in his mind. Perhaps Tom was right. Maybe the woman Henry thought was y/n wasn’t her after all. Maybe it was her but the guy she was spotted with was just a friend. Like Freddy himself was now. Actually, that’s not true. Freddy scoffed out loud at the cruel realization his mind was forcing upon him despite his drunken state. He wasn’t her friend. Not anymore. So if it was y/n Henry had seen earlier today on the metro, even if the man she was with was just a friend, that was more than what Freddy could say. More than what Freddy now was to the woman he loved. The woman he had envisioned waking up next to. The woman he hoped he’d find himself spending his future with.

I just want it back the way it was before

And I just want to see you back at my front door

And I say

Come back, come back, come back to me like

Freddy groaned as his older brother exasperatedly shoved his drunken body back down to the sofa. He’d yet again tried to make his way to the door so he could exit and go to y/n’s apartment. Just to talk. He just wanted things back the way they were before.

When he woke the next morning, Freddy was sure to thank Tom for stopping him from going over to y/n’s. While sober Freddy too wanted things back to the way they’d been, he didn’t want it being done like that. He needed to give her the space she’d asked for, the space she said she needed. He couldn’t go to her. As much as he might want to. If only y/n felt the same way and would come back to him on her own.

You would before you said it's not that easy

Before the fight, before I locked you out

But I take it all back now

Freddy regretted that night. Not just because he lost her. But because he hadn’t truly listened. Perhaps if he had, they could’ve escaped with just an argument instead of a breakup. Instead, when she tried to express herself, he hadn’t been truly listening; too caught up in his disappointment and hurt at the time. He hadn’t seen the signals that would’ve normally clued him in to the fact she was flustered and needed time to process things. If he could go back in time, he’d take it all back. More than anything he’d take back the way he’d reacted so defensively. He’d undo the damage he caused. He’d take back the way he reflexively stated that he agreed with the notion of breaking up. That he too thought they needed space. It wasn’t true then and it still wasn’t true now. If only he could take it all back.

Come back, come back, come back to me like

You would, you would if this was a movie

Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out

-

Is that the kind of ending you wanna see now?

Baby, what about the ending?

Oh-oh, I thought you'd be here by now, whoa-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh

Thought you'd be here by now

Freddy had given up hope. If y/n was going to come back to him, she’d have done it by now. But instead, he once again found himself alone in his flat as he laid in bed and stared at the ceiling.

Maybe it was naive optimism fueled by seeing or acting in one too many movies… but Freddy could’ve sworn she’d have been here by now. That they’d have figured it out by now. He truly thought y/n would come back to him saying she wanted to give them another shot and he’d eagerly take her back and promise her however much space she desired.

But, this wasn’t a movie. This was real life. His life. And y/n wasn’t here. It didn’t matter how deeply he believed she would’ve been. It had been a seemingly long time since their breakup. Surely if she wanted to be with him, she’d have been here by now. But she wasn’t.

Freddy Carter Taglist: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @missdreamofendless @nikfigueiredo @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @alex-kazbrekkersimp @opheliaofficial07 @historynerd77 @el-de-phi @booklover2389 @whistle1whistle

Freddy Carter Navigation

Kaz Brekker Navigation

My Main Masterlist (All My Works) Navigation

[nowayhomerry]

kaz brekker rec list

hope you guys enjoy these. basically all of them are hurt/comfort fics lmao.

EXTRA REMINDER: there is NO smut on this list for obvious reasons. out of respect for the character, i don't like to read it

--

-- simply clothes - @alcottsangel

categories: just fluff fluff fluff!

word count: 1.2k

summary: simple moments of kaz showing his affection for y/n through giving her his clothes

-- cupid screwed up - @genyaakostyk

categories: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, pining

word count: 3.6k

summary: three times kaz indirectly tells y/n he loves her and one time she almost dies and he confessed his feelings, just in a very kaz like way

-- don’t let go - @magpiencrow

categories: hurt/comfort, PINING

word count: 2k

summary: after saving her life, kaz patches up y/n

-- what one deserves - @scandalous-chaos

categories: JEALOUS KAZ, some fluff

word count: 1.7k

summary: kaz is jealous in multiple ways which leads to a confessions

-- fool’s gold - @herxondale

categories: jealous kaz (again)

word count: 2k

summary: in which kaz has no right to be jealous. but you remind him that he could

-- belladonna - @sunnymaybank

categories: hurt/comfort, angst

word count: 7k

summary: you've been working with the crows for years, kaz stumbles through the door with a cut with the only poison that that have no antidote for

-- wants to touch - @bookishdream

categories: fluff!!

word count: 1.1k

summary: the urge to touch is new to kaz, but with you everything is different

-- my reason - @parkersbliss

categories: angst, fluff

word count: 2k

summary: kaz brekker makes a desperate attempt to protect you, but it backfires for both parties

-- bloody hands - @genyaakostyk

categories: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

word count: 3.2k

summary: kaz never feels the need to explain his entire plan. he knows that. whatever happens, it will inevitably go according to plan. but when his plan goes wrong and y/n is injured, kaz is suddenly forced to comprehend with the skeletal hands of death once again

-- jet black heart - @herxondale

categories: fluff, feelings

word count: 2.8k

summary: in which kaz brekker is overwhelmed by his feelings for you

-- fool - @magpiencrow

categories: fluff, there was only one bed 👀

word count: 2.4k

summary: when on a mission, you and kaz are forced to share a bed. confessions ensue

-- company - @goldengoddess

categories: fluff, mild angst

word count: 2.2k

summary: kaz starts to miss your sunny personality when you don't show up to your daily hello

-- initials - @triptuckers

categories: fluff

word count: 1.4k

summary: for as long as the crows can remember you've worn a ring with initials on it, and they've been trying to figure out what they stand for ever since

-- man’s best friend - @magpiencrow

(i think this might my favorite kaz fic I've ever read)

categories: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

word count: 4.7k

summary: an unexpected companion turns into a worthy investment

-- i worry about you - @goldengoddess

categories: fluff, slight angst

word count: 1.7k

summary: checking up on you is a necessity for kaz, but one night you learn just just how worried kaz really gets

-- forgiveness - @vermillion-wren

categories: angst, fluff

word count: 1.9k

summary: kaz's insensitive words lead to a very upset jesper on your behalf

-- my girl - @kazscrows

categories: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

word count: 1.7k

summary: kaz would do anything to get revenge for his girl

-- definitely soft - @holden-caulfield

categories: fluff

word count: 1.2k

summary: kaz is the only one that can't see how you can change him

-- sweetheart - @cardanslctters

categories: fluff

word count: 1k

summary: kaz's reaction to you calling him "sweetheart"

-- lose you to love me | mini series - @tomhollandisabae

part 1 part 2

categories: ANGST, hurt/comfort

word count: 4k (in total)

summary: after a long time of kaz ignoring tou, you decide to free himself from his misery... you

-- saints don’t come here - @imkylotrash

categories: fluff, slight angst

word count: 1.2k

summary: kaz gets his second a gift

-- skin - @imkylotrash

categories: jealous kaz, fluff

word count: 1.5k

summary: a mission leads to a slightly steamy interaction between you and kaz

-- taking hits - @iheardarumorthings

categories: fluff, slight angst

word count: 0.6k

summary: reader is kaz's bodyguard, and kaz is not great at expressing his feelings

--

[aniquasmasterlists]

|the image above is for my masterlist, do not repost|

DISCLAIMER: No one has any permission to reproduce my work on other websites in any form or fashion. My work can not be published, reposted, or translated even if credit is given. Failure to comply with this will result in intervention.

ALEKSANDER MOROZOVA

Golden Cages

summary: You have lived isolated from the outside world in a forest for a large portion of your life. One day, a mistake you made causes you to end up with the Darkling wounded in your cottage. Time passes as you both become closer while you nurse him back to health. When it is time for him to return to the Little Palace, you go with him, which puts you on the track of a new part of your life.

Read to Me in the Morning

summary: A rare morning arises where you have the general all to yourself with the chance to remain hidden in between the sheets until the sun set again.

A Secret Garden miniseries

summary: You were forced to stay in the garden that your mother, Demeter, made for you. A mysterious god soon enters without her knowledge and the secret love that you both share becomes something that you no longer want to hide.

A Heart Covered in Thrones 

summary: Aleksander went by many names once he created the Fold with his magic and Maleficent was one of them. He cast a spell on your future that he would come to regret when you try to rid the world of the Unsea with your light.

To Be Pretty, Powerful, and Important

summary: All you have ever wanted was to matter. In secret, the general made you feel like it, but it was never genuine. You watched from a distance as Alina Starkov got everything you had ever wanted.

Pencil Case

summary: You and Aleksander are unaware that your pining is mutual, that leaves an opportunity for a lot of situations to transpire in Os Alta’s best postsecondary educational institution”

Care

summary: You’re locked in your room when you refuse to participate in the Darkling’s plans to “change the world.

KAZ BREKKER

Two Faced

summary: The life you led seemed to be what was keeping you from Kaz but he is not sure if it is intentional and by your own malicious doing.

Hover

summary: After being in a relationship with Kaz for a long period of time, he decided to do something he had been anticipating trying for weeks.

If This Was a Movie... 

summary: Kaz’s actions sometimes have you feeling like you were the last name on his list, but he is the kind to not even notice sometimes.

MALYEN ORETSEV

The Habit of Forgetting

summary: You struggle to believe that someone like Mal could love you so you make an effort to not get your expectations high.

Golden Cages series

summary: You have lived isolated from the outside world in a forest for a large portion of your life. One day, a mistake you made causes you to end up with the Darkling wounded in your cottage. Time passes as you both become closer while you nurse him back to health. When it is time for him to return to the Little Palace, you go with him, which puts you on the track of a new part of your life.

Care

summary: You’re locked in your room when you refuse to participate in the Darkling’s plans to “change the world.”

[talesofesther]

Healing Hands

Kaz Brekker x Reader

Summary: Despite being mad, Kaz helps you with some patching up after a fight.

A/N: I relented and wrote something for him. But, it's my first time writing him and I haven't read the books yet so please don't judge me too harshly if this isn't great or if Kaz is maybe out of character.

Masterlist

"What were you thinking?"

Kaz's voice echoed inside the moving coach, the only other sounds besides his unsteady breathing were the hooves of the horses and the wheels rolling over the dirt path.

It was late at night and Kaz, you, and Jesper were coming back from a simple job. At least it was supposed to be simple, that's why only the three of you went, but things hardly went as planned.

"I was thinking that the guy was holding a knife to your throat... ungrateful bastard," you scoffed back between her deep breaths, trying to focus on anything else but the pain on your back. Your last two words were nothing but a quiet whisper, but Kaz had good ears. They made him tenser, if that was even possible.

Jesper, who was sitting beside you and carefully holding a piece of cloth on your wound to keep your blood where it was supposed to be, was looking back and forth between his two friends. He considered saying something, but he knew better.

After a few seconds of silence, Kaz huffed and turned to look out the window. His hands were tightly gripping his cane, a faulty attempt to keep them quiet. You shouldn't be in danger because of him, and yet you had been.

Later than any of you would have liked, you finally arrived at the Crow Club. Jesper got down from the carriage first and extended his arms to help you. It felt like your whole body was protesting against your movements, but given the hits you took, it wasn't a surprise.

As you two walked inside, Kaz got out, thanked the driver, and went inside as well. The Club was as busy as ever and your beaten-up state was already starting to catch some eyes.

"Too much attention," Kaz looked around with pursed lips. "Jesper, stash away the blueprints," he handed away the papers in his hand.

With a deep breath, Kaz risked a glance at the girl beside him. "Y/N, come with me, there are supplies in my room you can use".

You only answered with a short nod. Kaz broke away from your gaze and made his way to his room.

Jesper's hand lingered on your arm, a questioning look in his eyes. "It's alright," you reassured him with a smile, and turned around to follow Kaz.

Despite your state, you skillfully made your way around the busy Club and reached your destiny. Taking a brief moment to close your eyes and take a breath, you opened the door.

Kaz was inside, just taking off his heavy coat. His eyes roamed up and down your body, they were clouded, seemingly worried. He cleared his throat and steadied his voice as best he could. "Supplies are on the nightstand, you can use the mirror". That was all he said before he averted his eyes again.

"Sure." You had been in his room before, but today there was tension in the air. You prompted your feet to move across the room, reaching the nightstand and taking some antiseptics, gauze, a needle, and some line.

With slow movements, you took off your coat as well. Moving your shoulders hurt like hell but if you were to take care of your wounds, your clothes needed to be out of the way. So with much effort, you were finally only in your bra.

Your breathing was far from even, part of it because of the pain, part of it because you could feel his eyes on you.

You looked at your reflection in the mirror, a couple of bruises were forming, you had some scrapes on your face but nothing major. The thing that hurt the most was the deep cut right on your shoulder blade. But you saw it as a win, still. A couple of inches deeper or higher, and you probably wouldn't be standing here.

You started your work by cleaning up the dried blood on the places you could reach; and Kaz didn't want to pry, really he didn't, but his feet stopped moving once he saw your bare back in the dim orange light. His hands fidgeted and his throat suddenly felt dry.

He knew you were beautiful, but you looked like you were glowing, bruises and all.

Kaz blinked and returned to reality, you were hurt. He could already feel his stomach twisting at the sight. The feeling of his heart beating faster than ever before; the sight of the man's knife slicing through your skin was still vivid in his memory. The fear he felt at the thought of that being fatal.

"You'll need stitches," he turned his body fully towards you and it was one of the few times that he sounded genuinely timid. Unsure.

"Yeah..." You breathed out, raising your eyes to look at him through the mirror. "I know," your hands found the needle and you pushed the line through it. "I'll just... ask Jesper to do it for me later".

Kaz chuckled and lightly shook his head, he took slow and tentative steps toward you. "He barely has the stomach to see a deep cut, never mind stitching one". Your eyes never left him. He gulped before his next quiet words left his mouth. "Let me".

Your lips parted and you were already shaking your head. "No, I can do it on my own".

"You won't reach it," Kaz stopped beside you and lifted his hand.

"I'll manage," you grumbled.

"You won't."

"Yeah, I will."

"Y/N..." He sighed and raised his eyebrows at you.

"I can do it, and it's not even that deep," you waved the needle around trying to prove a point you knew wasn't true.

Kaz shot you an annoyed gaze; "stop being so stubborn".

"No, I'll do it. You don't have to," you snapped back. You two were basically arguing now.

"I want to."

Kaz's little confession made you finally turn your eyes to him. You saw nothing but sincerity and care in his gaze.

With a flustered face and a fluttering heart, you finally gave in and handed him the needle.

Both of you were a little tense and holding your breaths until Kaz's gloved hand finally made contact with the skin of your back. Kaz was expecting to feel totally uncomfortable, but it wasn't exactly like that. The uneasiness and dread that came with touch for him were a distant feeling in the back of his mind, the thing he felt the most was how warm you felt beneath the fabric of his gloves, beneath his fingertips. He was mostly focused on how close you were, how he could see your back moving up and down with uneven breaths, instead of the fact that he was touching someone.

But then again, this was you, Kaz decided he didn't hate the feeling of touching you.

Your body was tense, the fact of how exposed and bare you were to him right now finally sunk in. You were stealing some glances at Kaz from the mirror, the last thing you wanted was for him to be uncomfortable, but his eyes were tender, just like his touch.

With mostly steady hands, Kaz held your skin in place to start patching you up. "Relax. Take slow breaths". He raised his eyes and met your own through the mirror, he took a deep and slow breath for you to copy.

You could feel the warmth of his breathing hitting your skin, so you copied him and braced yourself for some more pain.

Kaz worked on the stitches as gently as he could, muttering a 'sorry' here and there when you let out a gasp of pain. When he finished his work, he allowed his hand to linger just a second longer on the skin of your back, focusing on the fact that you were there and alive.

Kaz put down the needle while you carefully put on your shirt back. He looked down at the bloodied gauze on the table and clenched his jaw. "You shouldn't have done that".

Even if he wasn't looking at you right now, Kaz knew that you were rolling your eyes at him. "And what was I supposed to do?"

"Not risk your life like that for starters. He was much stronger than you, you could be dead." He turned towards you and took a step forward, raising his hand as if to touch your arm but stopping himself halfway.

"Well, I was quicker," You smirked.

Kaz's eyes held more emotion than you have ever seen him show before, "Thought I was gonna lose you today". And so did his voice. His words were quiet like he was still afraid to admit it to himself.

You gave him a sad smile and imitated his motion from before, reaching your hand towards him but stopping just before your bodies met. "And I couldn't risk losing you."

The truth of your words sent a shiver down Kaz's back. It scared him, but he needed you to feel just how much he cared about you. So he met your hand halfway, first with a feather-like touch down your forearm and then grasping your hand on his with a soft touch. Just lightly running his finger over your knuckles.

The action made you forget how to breathe for a second, your eyes became teary. You knew how big of a step this was for him. "You'll always have me, Kaz. But you're worth saving too."

Before Kaz ended up full-on sobbing in front of you, he cleared his throat and averted his gaze. With a light tug at your hand, he guided you out. "Come on, you should rest".

[corpsebasil]

Easily Replaced | part 3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4

Kaz Rietveld didn't need a reason.

You knew this, of course, as you always had, but it was most clear the day you, Jordie, and Kaz stepped foot into Ketterdam. The two brothers were, as long as you’d known them, ambitious. Ketterdam would fuel that ambition.

"For you, Sankta." Jordie Rietveld laughed, and covered your eyes with his hands.

He was thirteen—much too old for you, as you were only eight, and though you were teased back in southern Kerch for hanging around with him so much Jordie was something like a brother to you. Your own parents were gone—your mother a woman who died too young and your father a mystery.

"I thought you were getting me food." Kaz scoffed, plucking the wrapped omelette out of your hands before you even had a moment to see it.

"Kaz!" You shrieked as you tore out of Jordie's grasp, lunging for the food, but Kaz simply laughed in return, looping his arm around your shoulders and tugging you along, sharing the omelette between them.

The omelette stands in Ketterdam were Kaz and your favorites.

"(Y/N), wait." Jordie called and you paused, turning to glance over at him. His expression was wide and happy—the happiest he'd been in a long time, since he and Kaz's father had died. "Welcome home." He said, and you smiled.

"WAIT!" You yelped, lurching into sitting position so fast your head spun.

He was there, you thought, still blinking away the image of Jordie from behind your eyes.

Your heart raced and your eyes stung as you stood, scanning the streets several stories below you. You’d fallen asleep on the window pane after sneaking into your room at the Slat—if Kaz wanted you gone that night, you’d be gone by morning just to spite him. If only so you had more time to snoop around.

You weren’t expecting the dreams again.

You wiped your hands over your face and sighed, blinking away the remnants of sleep and forcing Jordie to the back of your mind. Jordie Rietveld would always stay in the very back of your mind, in the dregs; you’d think about him only during your last breath, and wouldn't let yourself do it one moment before then.

You crept out of your room and glanced around its interior once more, hefting your satchel over your shoulder. You’d miss this place—you’d miss Ketterdam, but if leaving helped keep certain memories at bay and kept a certain someone from bashing your head in it was worth the risk.

Your feet were silent when you finally dropped to the streets outside and ran, taking back-ally's and fire-escapes and rooftops as you traveled across Ketterdam on a route few knew. Your mask was pulled up and your hood rippled behind you, your shape merely a black speck against the moonless sky.

When you reached the Crow Club you ducked the guards and snuck through a window at the top. If there was anything to be known about the heist for one million kruge the Dregs had been murmuring about, Kaz would know about it. And if you were anything you were vengeful, and you’d get that prize to earn your freedom or you’d die trying.

"The Orchid isn't Dime Lions turf." Kaz's rock salt voice reached you and you paused, one foot sinking into the plush carpet of your old friend's office.

"Well, it's a new acquisition." Another voice purred, and your blood ran cold.

You knew that voice.

That voice had haunted you for years.

"You heard it here first." The voice continued, and you dropped into a crouch, tugging your hood over your head as you crept towards the office.

Your heart dropped into your stomach.

Kaz was being held on his knees by a nondescript man with a sneer on his face while Pekka, Pekka Rollins, clutched Kaz's cane like he owned it. Your stomach rolled as you took in Pekka's face and you barely stopped yourself from gagging.

It was him.

It was the man who killed Jordie.

"Now, I know you saw Dreesen," Pekka continued, oblivious to the assassin hardly ten feet away who was contemplating his inevitable death. "You got the jump on whatever job he has. I don't know the details...obviously, just that you have a little travel hazard ahead of you. So. Here's the deal: you can do nothing—walk away from it. I'll tell Dreesen I'm taking over for you." He paused, a cruel smile on his face. "Then we're even."

"Not even close—" Kaz began, and you tensed. You knew the man holding him, touching him, was causing him agony.

You had to stop it. You had decided long ago that Pekka Rollins' death would be slow. You could make it last for hours—could make blades sing until he was nothing left but a scrap on a table, but something fast might have to do.

"The other option is..." Pekka began, leaning forward to press the beak of Kaz's cane against his jugular, and you lunged. "I'll cave your head in with your own—"

"Let go of him." You snarled and, quick as an asp, had one of your many blades nestled dangerously against Pekka's throat.

Kaz let out a sharp breath and tensed as the man holding him pulled out a gun, pressing it to his temple to balance the odds.

"Sankta Riipka," Pekka mused, seemingly unaffected by the knife against his neck. "it's nice to finally make your aqu—"

"Shut up, pig." You spat and dug the blade in deeper, your eyes snapping up to the man next to Kaz. You felt steel against your head and froze—

—you’d forgotten about the other member of Pekka's trio.

"By the time you kill me," Pekka began, oozing calm that made to your blood boil, "my friend here will shoot your friend. And then you." He made to twist in his chair and you tightened your grip, stilling him. You knew you were drawing blood. "You ought to make the wise decision here, Riipka."

"Let him go." You repeated, heart pounding violently, refusing to look at Kaz even as you felt the gun against the back of your head push harder. "Let him go or I swear on all Saints I'll slit your throat right here."

The room was quiet for several beats before the man holding Kaz shoved him, knocking your friend—was he your friend?—to the floor. You made no move to remove the knife—your chest was tight and your breathing uneven. Jordie's face was flashing behind your eyes and this moment, this moment, killing Pekka, was what you had been waiting for.

You could do it.

Why couldn't you do it?

You could—

"Stop." Kaz breathed and you froze, meeting his stare. His face was serious but his eyes—they were filled with pain. "Just stop."

"You should listen to Mr. Brekker." Pekka crooned and your gritted your teeth, biting back a snarl as you removed the knife and swung, knocking the gun out of the man behind you’s hands.

     He threw his arms up and froze but Pekka simply laughed, eyeing you like you were a monkey at a circus. You felt small and, for the first time in a long time, like you were eight years old again, sweating with a burning illness and being sheltered by a widow who had no kids of her own.

     You felt like you were eight years old, managing to survive the plague and stumbling down to the docks, half-drunk with a barely broken fever and finding Kaz laying drenched in sea-water on a dock, screaming at you in agony.

It was Pekka's fault.

It was all his—

"No one has to die today, Riipka," Pekka smirked at whatever he saw in your eyes and brushed past, chuckling to his accomplices as they left the office and slammed the door behind them.

The room was silent for several moments before you turned, watching Kaz as he stared at the floor, making no move to stand.

"Let me help you—" you began, reaching out to offer a gloved hand but he jolted, deer-in-headlight-eyes flashing to yours.

"Don't touch me." He snapped, face flushing, and the knot in your throat threatened to burst.

     He pushed himself awkwardly to his feet and scrambled for his cane, one hand absently on his leg as he winced. It was terrible to watch—he was strong all the time, and so serious but this...

...this was him broken. And you weren’t sure if you could handle seeing it.

"I should've killed him," you started over, hands trembling as you resisted the urge to reach out to him. You didn't know if you wanted to help or if you just wanted, needed, his touch. "I should've—"

"You should've been gone by now." He swallowed roughly as his cane hit the floor with a thud, eyes snapping back to yours. "I had it handled. We all could've died tonight because of—"

"Don't you dare blame me for—"

"Well if you had just left when I asked—"

"I'm not leaving you!" You shrieked, yanking off your mask and hood so that you could breathe better. "You can boss me around and yell at me and treat me like Jordie was my fault all you want but—"

"I don't think that," he interrupted, his face stricken as he stared at you. "Saints, (Y/N)." You were silent for a moment, both breathing heavily, before he shook his head and turned away. "If you're not going to leave me alone, at least leave the Club. I can't—" he paused, sighing exasperatedly. "I can't deal with this tonight."

     Without waiting for a reply he strode out the door and shut it, locking it behind him so you’d have to leave out the window. You waited for several moments until you were sure he was gone, strode over to the spare couch around the corner and screamed into the pillow until your throat hurt.

@iamnoobmaster69 @emil7y @balmasedas @euphoniumpets @subjecta13-thefangirl @itisroe @thefandomplace @ambrosia-v-black @i-padfoot-things @kaitlyn2907

hiii sorry I know this one was kinda angsty but it’s gonna spice up soon HA