#Freddy Carter x reader angst

[jahayla-parker]

Hey so I was wonder if you could write a story with either kaz brekker x ADHD reader or freddy Carter x ADHD reader where the reader is struggling and ends up with haveing breakdown and is in tears with the fact that they can't stay focused and everything is slipping into a mess and they are struggling and they just comfort the reader .

I haven't been feeling very well lately and begin feeling overwhelmed and I love your work

Over It All : Freddy Carter x Reader

Hi! So sorry for just getting to this! Ironically enough, I was experiencing this myself over the last few months. I hope you’re feeling better! 🖤

I did both characters/people, but I broke it up.

In this one you’ll find Freddy’s version. Kaz’s version is coming soon (I’ll tag you in it)

Description: 1.9k wc, reader struggles with her ADHD to the point of breaking into tears, prompting Freddy to come to her aid. Hurt-comfort, angst-fluff

Warnings: ADHD symptoms and experiences discussed, neurodivergencies mentioned, mention of crying and sadness, negative thoughts of self, some angst but fluffy ending/comfort

Y/n sniffled as she aggressively wiped her face with the back of her hand. She couldn’t stop crying. Her ADHD paralysis had flared up and left her feeling hopeless and ashamed of herself. She knew it wasn’t anything she did nor a true flaw, but she could help the misery she felt.

She’d been trying to finish this project for her job since the early hours of this morning. Yet, she’d gotten practically nowhere with it. It was as if there were a million other things her mind would rather focus on. She had lost all control over her flickering thoughts hours ago.

Meaning she was now crying alone in her home-office as her latest attempt to start the project failed. Her husband Freddy was on set filming today, meaning if anything she should’ve had less distractions. But, instead her mind had begun thinking of different tasks she should do for him since he was out. She knew she was screwed when even those self-created tasks weren’t ones she could force herself to do.

Everyone thought ADHD was silly and fun. Sure, some of the behavioral ‘symptoms’ of the condition could be taken that way. But, most of the time one was either overly engaged or under engaged. It was a constant pendulum that caused havoc when it swung too far in either direction.

Today it had swung too far towards the direction of executive dysfunction. Executive dysfunction was a hard concept for many neurotypical individuals to grasp. As such, many neurotypicals saw neurodivergents who were experiencing the effects of executive dysfunction as lazy or inconsiderate. This of course didn’t help the fact that those with ADHD often struggled with their self image already.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to do the work project, and she certainly wanted to do the caring tasks she’d thought of doing for Freddy. Yet, she was stuck. Y/n was not able to get herself to even begin any of the tasks. Instead, she’d wasted the day away in her futile attempts to start them only to fall into self-directed frustration over and over again.

So it came as no surprise that once she’d officially given up on trying to complete anything she had wished to do, she begun crying. She felt like a horrible wife and employee even though she wasn’t. But the frustration she had towards herself and her predicament clouded everything else. Hence why she was willing to sit by herself at her desk as she shook from crying.

Freddy had been home for only a matter of five minutes when he noticed the absence of his wife’s presence. She always seemed to greet him when he’d return if she’d been working from home that day. He recalled having said goodbye to her in their home-office this morning, so why wasn’t she greeting him?

He slowly made his way to their office space to try and see if she was still working. As he entered the doorway, he noticed the way her shoulders were hunched over her desk. He furrowed his brows as he checked that the lights were all on and therefore not the cause of her face being so close to the table.

It was in that moment that he watched her body tremble and heard her faint cries. Once he’d recovered from the sudden sinking in his chest, he took a deep breath and rushed over to her.

“Darling?” Freddy panicked, his hand placed on her upper back delicately.

Y/n’s head snapped up but she didn’t turn to him. Instead, she wiped her face again and took a loud breath. It was clear she was trying to compose herself before she’d face him.

Freddy knelt beside his wife, his worry evident in his features. But he knew not to push her. She’d respond once she felt steady enough to do so.

It took a few moments of silence but she eventually did turn to face him, a fake smile on her face. Freddy shook his head at her blatant coverup and grasped her hand in his tightly. Y/n sighed softly when she realized he wasn’t falling for her pretend happiness.

She didn’t want him to feel sorry for her. Nor did she want him to know she hadn’t been able to accomplish anything today. She felt like a burden. Despite knowing how much Freddy loved and cared for her, she didn’t want him to see her in this state. But she also wouldn’t lie to her husband.

“I… I did not get the project done” she admitted shyly, her hand shoving the planning sheets across the desk towards him.

Freddy’s eyes briefly left her frame to scan the documents she was showing him. He noticed she had a bunch of stray marks and squiggles on the paper. However, nothing else had been added since he saw the sheets this morning.

She didn’t need to tell him what was happening. He knew of her ADHD and the highs and lows that came with it. As such, he knew how to best handle this situation on his end.

“That’s okay love, sometimes ideas don’t flow as easily as they normally do” he encouraged, neatly stacking the papers.

“It wasn’t just the ideas, I couldn’t even start the rest of it. I also…” she sighed as she trailed off and looked away.

Freddy sighed quietly as his heart sank further upon seeing her continued distress. “Y/n, it doesn’t matter what you did or did not do today, you-“.

“I was going to make you that soup you like” y/n interrupted, fiddling with her fingers, “but I couldn’t. I wanted to, but…”.

“But you weren’t able to get up and get started on it” he finished to her, tugging her hand back to him to calm her nervous fidgeting.

She nodded and sighed, “I wanted us to be able to have that soup, but then I began thinking about each step. Washing the dishes to get the ladle clean, getting out the ingredients, chopping the vegetables,..”

Freddy stood up quietly, prompting her eyes to snap upwards to see him. He wasn’t sure why there seemed to be a sense of panic in her y/e/c eyes. But he wished it weren’t there. He didn’t have to wait long to find out the cause behind it as she soon blurted out her worry.

“Please don’t leave” she begged.

Freddy gave her a sympathetic shake of his head, “‘m not, just standing to help guide you to the living room, my love”

Y/n visibly calmed but then began listing off the tasks she still needed to complete.

“Darling, those can all wait. You deserve to rest” he stated.

She shook her head, “no I don’t. I didn’t get anything done today. It’s embarrassing and I-“

“You don’t need to be ashamed” Freddy told her, stroking her cheek as he towered over her seated form.

“I don’t not what I’m doing anymore” y/n exclaimed, “I can’t do anything right”. She glanced up at her husband before continuing to try and explain what she was feeling. “I’m worthless, I can’t even focus on one thing for a mere second” she pointed out.

“Don’t put yourself down like that” Freddy pleaded, his heart clenching. He watched her sigh but nod as if accepting his request. As such he gave her a soft smile and tugged on her hand, “let’s go to the living room. What do you want to do tonight? Don’t worry about how we’ll do it, I’ll handle that. Just tell me what you’d like us to do”.

“I just want to be held for a bit” she admitted quietly as she rose to her feet before him.

“I like this” y/n told him as she snuggled further into his embrace.

Freddy chuckled lightly, “me too. I never want to let go, my love”.

Y/n let her husband hold her and offer her comforting words and back rubs while she tried to silence her mind. He had helped her not feel the deep despair she’d been feeling moments before he arrived. Yet, she still felt she should’ve done so much more today.

Freddy seemed to notice her quietness, his grip tightening ever so slightly. He placed a soft kiss to the top of her head as he hummed. “You don’t have to do it all” he whispered.

“But then people will be let down. If I don’t-“ she began, making Freddy notice the way her pace quickened from her emotions.

“They don’t matter. You matter, my love” he cut her off, carefully brushing his fingers through her tangled hair. “You’re all that matters, and right now you need rest. It doesn’t matter what they need or want” Freddy stated definitively. He smiled to himself as her muscles visibly relaxed.

Freddy was attempting to give her a long thoughtful compliment, but y/n was hopelessly distracted. She’d been staring at his dimples and then at the freckles on his face instead of focusing on what he was saying. She’d tried to listen, truly, but his face was just so beautifully distracting to her.

She broke her gaze from the patch of freckles on his cheek when she noticed she no longer heard his voice. Y/n glanced up at him as she silently hoped he hadn’t asked her a question. Fortunately, she could read his facial expressions and knew he wasn’t awaiting any response. However, she could also tell he had noticed her lack of attention.

“I’m sorry,” she whimpered, “I was listening.. at first. But then I… I wasn’t listening to you, I’m sorry babe”.

He shook his head, “it was I that wasn’t truly listening. If I had, I’d have remembered to use shorter sentences”.

Y/n watched him cautiously as she tried to let his words erase her guilt. It wasn’t until he smiled softly at her and placed a delicate kiss on her cheek that she accepted that her guilt was unfounded. Having realized this, she let her mind wander back to where it was before.

As such, she soon found herself tracing imaginary lines between his freckles with her pointer finger. She was acutely aware of Freddy’s eyes watching her do this. But her attention remained stuck on this unimportant but intriguing task.

“Are you playing connect the dots with my freckles?” Freddy grinned, his cheeks heating up.

Bashfully she nodded and giggled, “yes”.

He smiled widely, “see you focused and completed something”.

“On something minor, for short time” she argued.

“It’s still focus and you need to respect yourself for doing that. Today is just one of those days in which we need to have a more relaxed atmosphere” he stated as if it were the most simple thing in the world.

Y/n was so beyond grateful for her husband. He always seemed to know how to help her when she was in one of her downhill moods. She couldn’t understand how he comprehended her struggles with such ease and patience. But she was eternally thankful for it.

Unbeknownst to her, when y/n first struggled with her ADHD paralysis/executive dysfunction, Freddy had looked into it. She had tried to explain it to him but kept getting too emotional to effectively do so. Not that he minded. But, he took it upon himself to research the issue and see what ways to best offer her help. Clearly, the research paid off.

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[futurecorps3]

Hello my love! I have heard your call for Kaz requests and I have an idea rattling around in my head!

Could you maybe do a Kaz x fem!Reader where they're in their early 20s and have been together for years and overcome Kaz's touch aversion (bc our poor boy deserves some healing 😭)? But that's not the idea, the idea is that the reader hasn't been sleeping for a few nights and ends up getting hurt because of it? Could be from fainting and hitting her head, slow reflexes on a job, etc. I trust your brilliant mind!

I can't wait to watch you grow as a writer!!!! ❤️

𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐧𝐮𝐦

Masterlist<3

Summary: The lack of sleep Kaz has been warning his girl about finally has consequences. Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem!reader Warnings: Mentions of overwoking, lack of sleep, blood, a very angsty moody angry sad Kazzle, mentions of blood and lost of conscience. The usual crow violence! Lmk if I missed any. Word Count: 3.5K whoops Requested: Yes

A/N: IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! :( I love the prompt, however and am very excited to work on this. Hope u like it nonnie and that last thing means the absolute world! <3

˚ · • . ° .

Now he knew he was in no position to demand her to rest. Kaz Brekker was known in his close circle for two things; killing whoever disrespected his love and always scheming. The electricity his brain consumed when plotting the next heist didn't even allow him to sleep when being tucked in with Y/N laying over his chest. But she never had the same issue before!

That's how it worked. She got mad because he wasn't sleeping and would reproach his ears off until he folded and left his papers to join her in bed. So, it was safe to say Kaz was startled when he noticed the absence of steps approaching his office. The clock read the time to be a quarter past midnight. He learned by endlessly scolding from you the hard way it was no use staying up late for a job when he had pretty much everything prepared, so he dropped everything and left to his room.

"Darling, are you-" his question was answered as he opened the door and saw her drawing on the little desk he got for her. "Hmm, hi love. It's quite early. What are you doing here?" Kaz wanted to laugh at that. Had she really lost notion of time that badly? "It's past midnight now, Y/N. What are you working on?" His shirt was discarded in some chair, along with his coat.

He was now in his dress pants and a black sleep blouse, leaning over the back of her chair to see the canvas. It was a picture of the sea, surely an image she hadn't been able to get out of her head after the quick trip you took to the docks with Wylan to ensure a better hiding spot, in case things went south on Saturday.

"I don't know if I'm getting the blues right... you know how it somehow turns gray when the day's rainy?" she wondered out loud. "Don't throw it away altogether, I know you're already thinking about it" "I'm not!" Y/N giggled, knowing fully her boyfriend could read her mind. "Fix it in the morning. Let's go to bed now, yes?" Kaz tried, tilting his head to her right side and nudging his nose a little on her cheek as she hummed in response.

It had taken a long time, many years, to reach these moments. Years of hoping she could one day have his arms draped around her waist in security, head on his chest without a care in the world, because all that really mattered was they'd be keeping each other warm with their bodies. Y/N was patient, not minding the baby-steps and Kaz's constant need to push her away because he thought she deserved better. Truth is, there was no one better for her.

Kaz had a hard time wrapping his head around this fact. Did you love him for him? A limping criminal who was too weak to even bear the thought of embracing you when tears streamed down your cheeks on a specially tough day? Why? It took convincing, long talks, difficult moments and even worse fights... but you made it.

She felt his steady heartbeat as they lay together in their silk black sheets, indulging in the beauty of it. Their breathings became one, and she swore there was no better place the saints could come up with as heaven. "Everything's ready?" "Yes, I figured I should come here with you instead of overthinking it all. I'll tell everyone the plan tomorrow and revise it again the day before" he took a deep breath, turning to face her and leaving a soft kiss on her lips.

"It's late, you don't seem tired" Kaz noted, Y/N's eyes nowhere near closing as they usually would by now. Her boyfriend, on the contrary, was starting to hide that beautiful icy green his irises held, then came a yawn to confirm his fatigue. "Rest, my love. I'm sure I'm not too far behind," she assured him, pecking his head as he lay on her chest now.

"Goodnight, Kaz".

˚ · • . ° .

It may as well have been minutes, or hours, days, for all she cared to reason. All she knew was that she couldn't sleep for the life of her. Kaz moved a lot in his sleep and after he lost hold of her, the night became a non-stop tossing and turning in their shared bed. She could hear the faint sound of carriages passing down their street, surely carrying some rich merchant who just had the night of his life betting or in one of the pleasure houses.

It had been a while since she felt this way. Pretty much every night prior Kaz offered her a permanent position on the crows after she worked with them was like this. The clock in their room, hanging on a wall distant from her, kept ticking and if it got quiet enough, she could've been able to hear the gears turning. Three in the bloody morning and Y/N had luckily gotten by far twenty minutes of sleep. The girl sighed and lay down again, looking up at the ceiling briefly before closing her eyes in hopes of resting a little more.

She didn't, not even in the days ahead. Kaz pointed out how he could feel her moving way more than usual as his a light sleeper, not blaming her whatsoever but more concerned as to what was keeping her up. Y/N didn't know either, so she figured solving it with Jesper's coffee and quick (very ineffective) naps on the couches and tables at the slat so she could at least be aware of the task at hand; the job.

The day came, and she felt very optimistic about it all. Truth is, Y/N loved dressing up with pretty dresses and daggers hidden around her thighs. She found some kind of satisfaction in keeping this knowledge to herself, the men and women throwing looks at her, completely unaware of how dangerous she happened to be. People on the streets knew her as the wild child... ruthlessly gorgeous, is what Kaz called her.

The girl had a habit of getting carried away in a fight. Too much anger and resentment for the past had to find an exit. It did when she killed, leaving a scared Jesper to deal with an even more scared Wylan who wouldn't dare look her in the eye for weeks after she kept on punching a man's face she saw was trying to kidnap a little girl right after a job years ago. Kaz helped and understood.

His revenge was calculating and took years in which she was by her side, but Y/N just couldn't help herself when it came down to the people who did unspeakable things to her. With the years, she got a hold of herself even though her nickname on the barrel stuck, adding "the crow queen" when word got around she was Brekker's girl. Now, she was still ruthless but way more cold-headed and grounded, Kaz's doing.

She wore a pink dress with embroidered roses around the floaty sleeves. Inej had a blue set of dress pants and shirt, long-sleeved as well as Nina sported a hot red strapless dress with a lot of cleavage. "We're a smoke show! Those fuckers will barely be able to keep their eyes off of us." The last one squealed, adjusting her hair "That's the point" Inej giggled, agreeing clearly as she looked at herself in the mirror.

Y/N laughed at the thought and her head pained a little; Girls on those big houses did the very same thing they were doing now, with very different intentions. Those ladies wanted to find a rich husband, and they'd be set. Her friends were dressed to kill, and so was she. A little fucked up version of a cliché she, too, wished to live when she was little. "I hope these sleeves aren't an issue" she wondered, picturing them getting stuck on their knife or maybe being too tight to throw a punch.

"It's a simple job, love. There's nothing to be worried about! Also, I can bet on my life Kaz is going to be drooling over you when he sees." Nina smiled, playfully smacking her shoulder. "Even more so if you fight in that, he's going to go insane" spoke the Suli girl with a giggle "Kinky" the heartrender added, making the girlfriends break in a fit of laughter. Nina was right, Y/N knew, but decided against confirming her friend's assumptions.

Her eyes felt droopy from the obvious lack of sleep but nothing a cup of coffee couldn't fix, right? She walked down the stairs and into the makeshift kitchen they owned, heating up some. The smell filled her body with pleasant chills, and suddenly some more energy invaded her. "Wacha got there?" asked Wylan, who was quietly sitting behind her. How long had he been there? How did she not notice?

"Coffee, want some?" "Right before a job?" "Yes, I haven't been sleeping too well the last couple of days". Certain zemeni voice erupted from outside the room, exclaiming a brief "Neither have us!" that had the merchling blushing like he got some contagious disease. Y/N delivered a pat on his back, and coffee in hand she exited the room.

Kaz gathered everyone in the living room, to revise the plan once more. "...so make sure you cover that corn-" He stopped mid-sentence when Y/N came into view. Her hair looked polished, but she could be bald for all he cared. The dress complimented her figure beautifully, adjusting in the right places, which to Kaz was any place, really. Inej and Nina giggled and high fived. "Go on, love." She smiled, ready to listen attentively at his plan even though he made sure to walk her through it personally a few hours ago.

As Y/N brushed next to him, he grabbed her hand to make her stop right before she got seated. "You're stunning. Is it comfortable?" he whispered, looking at her with a certain glow in his eyes he once thought lost. "Yes, dear. Thank you" she pecked her boy's cheek and took a seat behind him. He went on with the plan, and everyone seemed pretty much ready to leave.

So they did.

˚ · • . ° .

"Darling, watch out!" Jesper exclaimed, shooting at a man behind Y/N. Things went south, they did. In the hiding spot Wylan and the girl had settled; some dreg must've ratted, they guessed. An ambush from some new-forming band trying to get known by stealing from The Crows themselves, pathetic. Inej had gotten there to help, but Y/N and Jesper insisted she went back and warned the others so to spare them from possible damage.

The wild child and Jesper were a great team, who knew a durast and an avid fighter could take down men three times their size and weight? They proved on many occasions to be useful for situations as these, so there was no problem. They'd be out of there in the blink of an eye. Around ten people had arrived at the scene, and four remained, Y/N realized as she took a kick in the gut and fell on her back, jumping back on her feet with a flip.

Jes' revolvers did the job for two others as she managed with the guy in front of her. "Come on, big guy, that can't be the best you got, aye?" she smiled wickedly, taunting the man with a daring hand despite the very much broken rib she could feel. The dress was ruined with blood she was sure wasn't hers, shreds ripped it off so largely one of her legs was now exposed.

He lunged forward, coming with a dirty blade to her throat, and she skipped it. Came again, now, aiming for her arm and she skipped it again, landing a kick on the throat that left him coughing on the ground. Y/N crouched to his level and grabbed him by the hair, sliding a knife in the same spot, careful not to cut. She noticed a tattoo on his neck, a beaver. Couldn't help but laugh. "You tell your boss not to mess around with us, or next time he won't get too lucky as to get less than half of his men in one piece. And change the tattoo, a bloody beaver? Seriously?"

The man nodded furiously, tripping on his way out of the warehouse. "A beaver? Their thing is beavers?" Jesper laughed, putting his babies back in place and making sure the painting they had stolen was still with him. "I know, couldn't pick a funnier thing" she answered, giggling. Looking around, something was odd. Yes, Y/N was not very well educated and lacked the month of college her best friend had, but she thought she counted four men remaining in this spot of the building.

The other six lay limp near the door, and there were two next to them, plus the one who ran with the message. One was missing. "Hey Jes I think we're missing one" "What do you mean? There's no one here". She stopped listening and her world went quiet when he met his yes. A lanky, tall figure could be seen next to a stack of boxes on her right, a flicking light revealing him for brief intervals of time. Ugly motherfucker carrying a gun that pointed straight at her.

The blood started gushing out of her leg before she could even react. "Too slow" she faintly heard. He wasn't stopping either; shooting at various places until one loud boom next to her made it cease. Was concrete always this cold? Oh, she was now feeling Jesper's soft suit. Warmer. "Is that wool?" Y/N asked and realized her voice sounded a little quieter than she meant. "Yes, it is doll. Open your eyes for me, okay? You can't die on me now"

She really tried. She really wanted to look at her best friends face and maybe hear him crack a joke or two. But her eyes felt droopy and her head felt heavy so she finally fell asleep.

˚ · • . ° .

Kaz arrived minutes later, Wylan, Nina and Inej by his side as they all rushed to a crying Jesper, desperately trying to wake Y/N up. "S-she got shot, didn't flinch.. like she didn't even see the bastard," he hiccuped, letting his boss take his place next to a limp body as his boyfriend helped him up and hugged him tightly.

Brekker's head spun. A thousand possibilities. There was blood all over the dress, and leaking over his clothes but he couldn't give a fuck. Not her. He couldn't bare it. Y/N was a piece of heaven in that saint forsaken island, the only saint he ever believed in and the angel that saved him from himself. If he lost her, there was no coming back for him. The water rose to his nose again for a brief moment.

It hadn't happened in a while. And he chose the techniques his lover taught him. He acted. "Nina" he mumbled, taking Y/N on his arms as the grisha girl assured him she had a pulse. His legs carried him to the slat, never too far from Nina, as she was making sure her pulse didn't slow down too much. He didn't even notice the pain in his bad leg. He felt a sting on his heart, so sharp it seemed as if pieces of broken glass would poke through it at any moment.

The boy sent Inej looking for whatever idiot decided it was a good idea to try and steal from them. Only information. He'd take care of them later. The Wraith left and was out all night, returning with a lot to say the next morning. Kaz looked over at Y/N's face and the utter peace that brushed over her features scared him even more. Not now. Not like this.

"Is she going to be okay? T-there was definitely something wrong with her back there" Jesper started once the girl was on the bed and getting healed with a few healers in the dregs and Nina. Kaz was sitting, head propped up in his hands as he stared at the wall opposite from him. "She didn't move! At all! He shot her three times and looked amused while doing it". The zemeni man had to stop if he wasn't trying to reunite with the other deceased blessed people on his bloodline. Kaz's stare hardened and his jaw clenched tightly.

"Wylan, I can't lose her. She was too slow a-" "ENOUGH" Kaz stood up, looking at him with murder in his eyes. "If you were more aware of the surroundings, she would be fine. Don't you dare call her slow. This is not her fault. You should've been there" menacing gloved finger pointing to his friend. "Oh, so this is my problem now?" Jesper countered in complete disbelief. "If you don't consider your best friend's life being at critical risk a problem you're much more of a superficial, incompetent and heartless bastard than I thought." Kaz spat.

He knew this wasn't Jesper's fault, maybe it was the lack of sleep or you just weren't on your element. But he had to let it out with someone. Anyone. Pain turns into anger and screaming at your brother when it's too strong. He knew that better than anyone and couldn't care to stop himself this time. "Kaz, stop" Wylan said, and then he noticed Jesper's puffy eyes with a sigh. Then he felt his own neck starting to tickle. He was crying. Kaz Brekker didn't cry.

"Out" "But Ka-" "I SAID OUT"

And out they were. Everyone who didn't need to be there to save his girl's life. He could hear Nina struggling between wrecked sobs, fast pacing around the room and a distant sound of water running non-stop. Hours passed, and he remained in the same position, in the same chair, with the same thoughts running wild inside him.

Not you. Please. I should've been there. I'm going to kill them. Please be okay. I can't do it without her. Please.

Kaz Brekker was repeating pleas, thinking out loud to whoever was listening. Let her live. Please let her live. This is not her fault. Not to a god, neither to those saints who proved to exist so many years ago. He didn't know who he was asking for help to. But he was screaming, please don't let her go. He was leaving with her if she did.

All sound stopped, and Nina emerged from the dimly lit room, drying her cheeks. The boy stood up, looking at her with the most terrified look he ever gave someone. Fuck the facade. He was utterly afraid. "She's okay, not waking up, but she will". He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and couldn't help but throw himself into Nina's arms in search for some comfort to his wrecked sobs.

His friend received him with open arms, careful not to squeeze him too hard, as she knew that could trigger him. "I can't lose her, Nina" he whimpered before pulling away. "You're not. Not now and not soon. She's okay, Kaz. Stay with her, will you? She could be a little startled if she wakes up in an empty room"

He almost scoffed at that. What else would he do? A quiet nod was delivered, and he stepped inside to accompany her in an uncharacteristically unsettling silence. There were dirty gauzes everywhere, her dirty dress discarded in a corner and a blanket covering her figure. Kaz stopped, looking at your chest. It rose and fell in a moderate rhythm. Good.

Taking a seat once again, he held her hand and brushed a thumb over it, grateful to whoever listened. And Nina.

Sun bled through the curtains, filling it all with a pleasant orange hue Kaz knew Y/N would appreciate. Jesper came by every few hours and amends were made. He understood how badly everything hit Kaz the day before and didn't need an apology. They were all under intense pressure the day before, couldn't blame him for a such a reaction. Wylan had brought flowers and Inej made sure everything was ready for when she regained consciousness.

His crows got it handled.

A whole day and a half had gone by and he was reading beside her when she woke up. Her hand moved and he could feel the twitch in his palm, looking up frantically to find those pretty y/e/c eyes looking back at him. "Finally, got some sleep," she joked and laughed at her own joke. Kaz laughed back. "Hello" he offered, kissing her hand and never really wanting to let go "Hi". "Are you feeling okay?" the boy asked, happy to see his lover once again awake.

"It hurts a bit but I'll live" "I'm counting on that, my love". ♡

[pinchofhoney]

You know I can't stay away from your writing for long so here I am againnn....angst prompt 5 and fluff promt 10. Besties to loverss plsssss.....with either Sirius Black or Kaz I can't choose

No angst...I can't take it rnnnn 😭

take a hint # 200 followers special event

» prompt event » special events masterlist

angst prompt five: “please leave before i lose myself to madness and beg you to stay”

fluff prompt ten: and it was when A watched B look at someone else the way they wanted to be looked at. does A realize how much in love with their best friend they were?

gif is not mine, credit to the owner

kaz brekker x fem!reader

word count: 3.8k

warning: kaz has no romantic feelings for inej in this one, it doesn't have a specific time in the canon, i made up one of the characters, best friends to lovers (between the lines), mention of murder

summary: It seems that Kaz always expects you to read between the lines, even though you are a thief and not an expert in interpreting written texts.

a/n: whenever i see notifications from you, i feel like a happy golden retriever puppy, hello!!<33 i feel that writing anything with sirius would be easier for me in almost every way, especially since that character has been my favorite since childhood, but i wanted to try something new and i was thrilled with the chance to do so! (it's a mess)

pages that may interest you: masterlist ♡ taglist ♡ who i write for

As you stepped out into the gloomy, rain-soaked streets of Ketterdam, you could felt the weight of the city's bearing down upon you. It was a place where danger lurked around every corner, where crime and corruption were the norm, and where only the strongest and most cunning survived. The city's winding, labyrinthine streets were treacherous and difficult to navigate, with slimy cobblestones that seemed to shift and writhe beneath your feet. The stench of sewage and decay hanged heavy in the air, a reminder of the filth and squalor that permeated every inch of the city.

The people of Ketterdam were a rough and ragged bunch, with sharp tongues and even sharper knives. Every interaction was a potential threat, every stranger a possible enemy. It was a place where trust was hard to come by, and betrayal was always just a heartbeat away. And yet, despite all of this, you couldn't help but feel drawn to the city. It was the only place where you've ever felt truly at home, where you could be yourself without fear of judgment or rejection. It was a feeling that both comforted and terrified you, and you knew that you'll never be able to escape it, no matter how hard you try.

You hated Ketterdam with a passion, yet you found yourself unable to imagine living anywhere else. Maybe it was because you hated yourself too, the mere thought of being ordinary filled you with a deep-seated loathing. You had no talents, no skills that could make others look at you with admiration, and to make matters worse, you weren't your parents' favorite child either. That distinction belonged to your older sister, the Grisha who had always been showered with adoration and affection, even when she was away in the Little Palace, thousands of miles from home.

Your parents had always compared you to her, highlighting your shortcomings and making you feel like a disappointment. Even when she was gone, they treated you worse than they ever had before, as if you brought them shame just by existing.

Yet, in Ketterdam, your ordinariness was a blessing. As a member of a gang of thieves, you were the perfect fit. Your lack of beauty and grace made you unremarkable, allowing you to blend into the shadows and avoid attention. You moved with ease through the convoluted streets of the city, navigating its twists and turns, always keeping your wits about you. Of course, there were a times of doubts, where you couldn't help but think that perhaps being strikingly beautiful would be an asset to your profession, especially when robbing wealthy merchants who came to Ketterdam seeking to indulge in its illicit pleasures. But even then, you knew that such a gift would come with its own set of complications, and in Ketterdam, complications were the last thing you needed.

You pulled the hood of your dark cloak over your head, lowering it slightly to obscure your face. You didn't want to be recognized by anyone, but at the same time, you needed to keep an eye on your surroundings and react quickly if needed.

You hastily tucked your frozen hands into the pockets of your coat and quickened your step as you saw two men who were part of the Dime Lions. Your heart skipped a beat as you recognized them. Lately, you had been avoiding these people more than usual, ever since you got into an unnecessary street fight with several members of the gang. They had made it clear that they weren't happy with you, and you knew that they wouldn't hesitate to attack you if given the chance.

But it wasn't just the Dime Lions that you were avoiding. Some people in Ketterdam knew about things they shouldn’t. It was no secret that rumors spread like wildfire in this city, and often found their way into the hands of those who would use them for their own gain. But in a world full of terrible people, you had to be worse.

You walked with no clear destination in mind, driven by the need to distance yourself as much as possible from the Crow Club. It was only moments ago that you had found yourself in a heated argument with the one person who mattered the most to you. His stubborn pride had come between you once again, making you curse his name to the heavens above.

The tension in the hallway was thick enough to cut with a knife as you and Kaz stood facing each other, both seething with frustration. His eyes glinted in the dim light, anger etched deep into the lines of his face. What had started as a minor disagreement had quickly escalated into a full-blown argument, fueled by the unspoken feelings that both tried to hide.

“You don't understand, Y/N,” Kaz growled, his voice low and scratchy. “You never do. You're always off on your own, thinking you know what's best for everyone. You can't keep taking unnecessary risks. It's not just your life on the line.”

“I know that,” you snapped back, your eyes flashing with anger. “But we can’t just sit back and do nothing. We need to take action if we want to survive.”

“Of course we need to take action,” Kaz shot back, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I'm not saying we should do nothing. But we need to be smart about it. We can't rush in blindly. That's why I'm in charge. I know what I'm doing.”

You rolled your eyes, exasperated. “Sometimes being smart means taking risks. That's how we get ahead.”

A heavy silence hung in the air between you, filled only by the sound of your breathing and the rustle of your clothes. Kaz's gaze bore into you with an intensity that made your skin crawl.

His jaw tightened, and he spoke through gritted teeth. “Fine,” he said, his voice icy. “Do whatever you want. But don't expect me to follow you blindly into danger.”

You took a step closer to Kaz, your eyes blazing. “I don't need you to follow me, Kaz. I can take care of myself.”

His eyes narrowed, and he took a step back, his hand on his cane for support. “Then go ahead and do that. But please, leave before I lose myself to madness and beg you to stay.”

Your chest tightened with hope as Kaz's words registered in your mind. Could it be that he actually wanted you to stay? But your hopes were dashed as you saw him turn his back and begin walking away. The urge to call out to him, to make him admit his feelings, consumed you, but you knew it was pointless. Kaz Brekker was not one to bare his soul.

With a frustrated growl, you clenched your fists so tightly that your nails dug painfully into your palms. Without another word, you turned and stormed down the stairs. Ignoring Jesper's questioning gaze and Wylan's confused expression, you burst out into the rain-soaked streets of the Barrel, letting the cool droplets wash away your anger and frustration.

Your mind was a chaotic mess of emotions as you walked, all directed towards the one man who had the power to make you feel so much. Kaz's words echoed in your head, spoken in his rough voice, which usually sounded like the most beautiful melody to your ears, but now it was a curse that tormented you and did not allow you to find peace.

“I don't need you, Kaz. You're the last person I want,” you muttered under your breath, and as if fate was playing a game, you bumped into the very person with whom the whole argument began. What a coincidence.

You lifted your gaze, and your eyes met with the one who infamously called himself Ketterdam's most dangerous person. Although he didn't know you, you were familiar with him well enough to know that he would want to have you with him despite your undistinguished appearance and lack of special skills.

In a rush of panic, you lowered your head, feigning humility to mask your face. “I apologize, sir,” you began, trying to hide the hint of fear you could sense in your voice. “I should be more careful.”

The man smirked, his eyes scanning over your form. “It's no problem, sweetheart,” he said, his voice oozing with arrogance and entitlement. “But you should watch where you're going. It's not safe to be wandering around these parts alone.” His hand brushed against your arm, sending shivers down your spine.

You flinched at the touch, trying to pull away from him, but then he grabbed you. You knew what type of man he was, and the last thing you wanted was to be alone with him in a dark alley. You tried to think of an excuse to leave, but before you could say anything, the gravelly rasp of a familiar voice interrupted.

“Is there a problem here, gentlemen?” Kaz's voice was calm and controlled, but there was an underlying threat that made the man release his grip on you and take a step back.

“None at all,” the man replied smoothly.

Kaz stepped closer, his eyes narrowing. “I suggest you leave the lady alone then.”

The man scoffed. “I suggest you mind your own business, boy.”

Kaz's hand, covered with a leather glove, tightened on the crow's head ornamenting his cane. “I'll make it my business if I see someone harassing a woman in my city.”

The man sneered, clearly not intimidated by Kaz's threat. “Your city?” he asked with a hint of derision, studying Kaz more thoughtfully. Suddenly, as if he had just connected the dots, he added, “Last time I checked, it was still called Ketterdam, not Dirtyhands's kingdom.”

Kaz's expression didn't change, but you could sense the tension in the air. “Believe what you want, but if you don't leave now, I'll make sure you regret it.”

The man seemed to consider his options for a moment before finally releasing a grunt of annoyance and walking away, oblivious to the inevitable fate that awaited him regardless of his decision. Death was the only possible outcome and the only variable was who would carry out the execution.

Finally, the man was out of sight, and you released a breath you didn't even realize you were holding. Kaz turned to you, and you met his gaze with a mixture of gratitude and anger. Despite feeling indebted to him for his intervention, you couldn't help but feel frustrated by his interference. “I didn't need your help,” you said, trying to sound confident.

Kaz raised an eyebrow. “It sure looked like you did.”

You glared at him, feeling embarrassed and exposed. He had seen you in a moment of vulnerability, and you hated yourself for it. “I could have handled it,” you insisted, although you knew it was a lie. You couldn't have handled the situation on your own. You were a skilled thief, but you lacked the physical strength to overpower a man twice your size. You were not armed with revolvers, nor did you possess the abilities of a Corpsewitch. You were just an average person, with quick fingers and the ability to pick locks, nothing more.

“How did you know where to find me?” you added.

“Did you think I wouldn't follow you? I had a feeling you'd get yourself into trouble, but I didn't expect it to happen so soon.”

You rolled your eyes, but a small part of you was grateful that Kaz had your back. “And what about-”

“Inej will take care of him,” he said, cutting you off, signaling that he didn't want to discuss the matter any further. “Let's head back to the Slat. You're soaked.”

Kaz started walking away, disappearing into a dark alley without waiting for you. You sighed and followed him, feeling the dampness of your clothes sticking to your skin.

The walk back to the Slat was silent, with only the sound of raindrops hitting the cobblestones to fill the air. As you entered the place, you immediately noticed the curious looks of your crewmates. Jesper was there, even though he usually preferred gambling at the Crows Cub and Matthias stood at the top of the stairs, watching you with his arms crossed. It seemed like everyone was waiting for you to return, and you couldn't help but feel uneasy.

Ignoring the greetings, Kaz announced, “You'll never guess who Y/N met.” The room fell silent, and Kaz removed his hat as if to emphasize his point. “Antoon Beudeker.”

A hum of surprised sounds ran through the room, and all eyes turned to you. You felt uncomfortable being the center of attention. You had been trying to track down Beudeker for weeks, but he always managed to slip away from you, as if someone in the Dregs was tipping him off about your plans.

Nina spoke up, breaking the silence. “What do you mean by that?”

Kaz looked at you, not bothering to hide his annoyance. “A talent for stealing isn't Y/N's only skill. As you can see, the talent for trouble far outweighs it.”

You shifted uncomfortably under Kaz's gaze, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and frustration. You knew you had made a mistake by bumping into Beudeker, but it wasn't even your fault. All you wanted was to cut yourself off after the argument with Kaz, and now he was the one who was right again.

Wylan's voice carried through the quiet room, breaking the tension. “What are we do with him now?” he asked, but no one answered, assuming that it was up to their missing Wraith to handle the situation.

Jesper's frustration boiled over, and he jumped up from his seat. “It's not fair!” he exclaimed, pointing his revolver at the wall. “I was the one who wanted to put a bullet between his eyes.”

Matthias stepped forward, before anyone reacted to sharpshooter's words, his expression serious. “We need to figure out who's been leaking our plans to Antoon. This could be dangerous for all of us.”

“I agree,” Nina added. “We need to find out who's been betraying us and deal with them.”

Wylan's voice piped up, “What if we set a trap?”

Kaz nodded, considering the idea.

“We could feed different information to each member of the Dregs and see which version gets back to someone who will claim to be Beudeker now. That way, we'll know who we can trust and who we can't,” you suggested.

Nina grinned. “I like it. And if we catch the traitor, we can make an example out of them.”

Jesper's eyes gleamed with anticipation. “I'll provide the entertainment.”

Matthias shook his head. “No, Jesper. We can't take the law into our own hands. We'll handle the traitor according to our own rules, but we won't kill them.”

Jesper shrugged, disappointed but not arguing. “But killing is our rule, Helvar.”

Matthias's expression darkened, but before he could reply, Kaz spoke up. “That's enough. We're not discussing this any further. We need to focus on finding the leak first, not arguing about how to deal with them.”

Jesper and Matthias both looked at Kaz, but neither of them said anything. The silence in the room was heavy with tension, and you could sense the frustration emanating from Jesper and the anger radiating from Matthias. Kaz's tone had effectively shut down the conversation, but you knew that it was far from over.

“We'll start investigating tomorrow,” Kaz's voice filled the room again. “For now, let's all get some rest. We have a long day ahead of us.”

As Kaz's words faded away, the tension in the room dissipated, and everyone began to go their separate ways. You hesitated, still reeling from the events of the evening, unsure of what to do next.

Sensing your unease, Kaz approached you, his expression serious but not unkind. “I know this is a lot to take in,” he said, his voice low. “But we have a job to do, and we can't afford to let our emotions cloud our judgment. I need you to be focused tomorrow, do you understand?”

You nodded, feeling a bit guilty for today’s argument. “Yes. I'll be ready,” you replied, determined to not let him down.

Kaz gave you a small nod of approval before turning to leave. You watched him go, listening to the rhythmic tapping of his cane on the panels. The weight of his words settling on your shoulders. It was true that you couldn't afford to let your emotions get in the way of the investigation, but it was easier said than done. The events of the evening had shaken you to your core, and you weren't sure if you could push them aside so easily. Life in Ketterdam has been hard, but never before has such danger reached you directly.

With a heavy sigh, you made your way back to your room, hoping that a good night's rest would help clear your mind.

You were surprised to find the Antoon's spy so easily, feeling foolish for not discovering it sooner. Despite the setback, the mood in the Crow Club remained peaceful as the days passed. The seventh of you sat together, planning your next move and gossiping about Ketterdam's richest people. Kaz seemed more relaxed than usual, and even Jesper and Matthias were on their best behavior, seemingly content to simply enjoy the moment of peace.

As the night wore on and the group's conversation continued to flow, you couldn't help but notice Kaz's eyes on you. You caught his gaze a few times, and each time you felt a jolt of electricity run through you. It was a feeling you had been trying to ignore for a while now, but it was becoming increasingly difficult with each passing day.

As you turned to look at Jesper, who was recounting a funny story, you noticed Kaz's expression change slightly. It was a subtle shift, but you could tell he was suddenly distant, lost in thought.

After a few minutes, Kaz stood up and motioned for you to follow him. You looked around at the others, confused, but they simply shrugged and continued their conversation. You followed Kaz up the dimly lit hallway to his office.

Once inside, Kaz closed the door and motioned for you to take a seat. You sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk, feeling a bit nervous. Kaz took a seat opposite you, resting his cane on the desk, right next to the chair and leaned forward, his elbows on his desk.

His expression was serious, but not unkind. “I wanted to talk to you about something,” he began, his voice low. “I've noticed that things between us have been a bit... different lately.”

You shifted in your seat, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “Different how?” you asked, not sure if you really wanted to know the answer.

Kaz leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. “I think you know what I mean,” he replied, his gaze fixed on yours.

Your heart skipped a beat as you realized what he was talking about. “Kaz, I...” you began, but he cut you off with a wave of his hand.

“I just wanted you to know that I'm aware of the situation,” he said, his tone even, then he paused for a moment. “You know, Y/N. I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to care for someone. To really care for someone,” he looked directly at you, his eyes intense, emphasizing the weight of his words. “And I've come to the conclusion that there's no one I care for more than you.”

You were completely taken aback by Kaz's words. You had never heard him express his feelings so openly before. Your heart raced as you searched his face for any sign of insincerity, but you found none. You were overcome with a mixture of shock, disbelief, and joy.

His heart sank as he watched you gaze at Jesper with a look of admiration and affection earlier, even if you two were just friends. It was then that he realized how deeply in love with you he truly was. He had been trying to ignore his feelings for you for so long, but seeing you look at someone else with such tenderness was too much to bear.

Kaz carefully chose his words, wanting to express his feelings without being too direct. “I've been thinking about our friendship,” he said, his voice low and serious. “I value our bond more than anything else in the world, and I want to make sure that nothing ever comes between us.”

“Why are you bringing this up now?” you asked genuinely confused by Kaz's sudden openness.

He shifted in his seat, looking almost uncomfortable, “Well, I just wanted to make sure that you know how much you mean to me,” Kaz said, his eyes meeting yours. “There's no one else I trust or care for more than you, Y/N.”

You could feel the weight of his words, the sincerity and depth of emotion behind them. You knew that he was a man of few words, and when he spoke, it was always with a purpose. It was hard to reconcile this Kaz with the cold and distant one you had grown accustomed to over the years.

You couldn't help but feel that there was an underlying message in Kaz's words, something that he wasn't explicitly stating. Your intuition was telling you that there was more to the story than what he had let on. You couldn't ignore the nagging feeling that something was amiss.

“Kaz,” you began, your voice hesitant. “Is there something else you want to tell me? Something that you're not saying?”

Kaz's expression remained neutral, but you could sense a hint of discomfort in his demeanor. You knew that he wasn't one to wear his heart on his sleeve, so you weren't surprised that he was hesitant to open up to you completely.

“I've said what I needed to say,” Kaz replied, his voice flat. “There's nothing more to it.”

His reply felt like a dead end, and you couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment. You knew that he was a complex person, with layers that even you couldn't fully comprehend, but you couldn't shake off the sense that he was still holding something back. Nonetheless, you tried to put on a brave face and show your gratitude for his honesty.

“Okay,” you said, rising from your seat. “I appreciate you telling me how you feel. Our friendship means the world to me too, Kaz.” You couldn't help but wonder what his true intentions were, but you knew that you needed to be patient and let him come to you when he was ready.

[heathsbitch]

serenity*

• pairing: kaz brekker x black!reader

• requested: Yes

• warnings: oral (m on f), poor proof reading (as usual)

• word count: 599

• a/n: She's back! Again! S2 has pulled me from the depths and hopefully, I will be uploading more regularly. Please keep in mind that in this fic, the reader and Kaz are in an established relationship and have worked through his

Tension crept across the muscles in his back, bright eyes heavy with fatigue; he dragged himself back to the Slat, craving nothing more than rest and relaxation, preferably between the legs of his lover. The job had been tedious and gruelling, punishing for every crow – mistakes came easily to all of them, but Kaz scolded himself, believing it was his fault so many things went awry. He wasn’t focused, his mind wandered on an entirely different plane – lost in thoughts of what it would feel like to peel the clothes off his lover. It had been both a blessing and a curse to ask her to wear that dress. That white dress. The dress that hugged her form, pulling and embracing every one of her curves. The ivory dress that complimenting her ebony skin perfectly. He couldn’t help but let his eyes deviate from the locks he was tasked to pick.

Kaz was tempted to scour the streets of Ketterdam in search for a painter, a sculptor, anything that would allow him to capture the picture of his lover in that dress. But he knew nothing, no one would be able to encapsulate her beauty, the sheer sensuality of the thin fabric that caressed her skin. He thought she belonged in a temple; the very picture of some ancient deity, made to bring men to their knees, made to be worshipped. And Kaz had every intention of doing so.

The second they returned to their shared room, their sanctuary away from the prying eyes of the Barrel, Kaz’s hands found the material of her chalky dress, allowing himself to indulge in the sight one last time before he met the bare flesh of her shoulder. He took pleasure in the sight of his pale fingers pressed against her dark skin, pawing and squeezing every inch of her. His name fell from her lips like a prayer as his mouth followed in the wake of his hands. Wet, open-mouthed kisses met her body as the dress was gradually peeled from her form.

“Someone’s eager.” Kaz’s lover giggled as she was ushered towards the bed. “Is there shame in wanting to worship a living Saint?” He muttered against her lips after placing a tender kiss to them. “My, my,” She teased, “ I never took Dirtyhands for a religious man,” He lightly nipped her hip with his teeth, scolding her for her taunts. “You wanted to worship me? Then worship.” At her command, she spread her legs, presenting her already-dripping core to her lover. He stared like a man starved, fingers digging into the sable flesh of her thighs.

“Fuck,” He whimpered into her slit as he licked a long stripe from her entrance to her bug, revelling in the sharp gasp that escaped her throat. The moans and whimpers that left her only spurred Kaz on further, grasping her by the apex of her legs and tugging her body closer to his further. Tongue diving deeper, dark eyelashes fluttered shut as his hips rutted against the sheets below him; he found his own pleasure through worshipping his goddess. All the stress from the day languidly vanished, replaced by desire, a burning lust for his lover. From the moment he saw her in that white dress, Kaz knew he yearned for nothing more than to escape back to the Slat with her, to find peace between her thighs. His wish had been granted, by the Saints or perhaps the deity squirming under the work of his tongue. Bliss washed over the pair, both of them finding serenity within one another’s pleasure.

You can find my other Kaz (and other Grishaverse) writings in my Masterlist.

[mcntsee]

néant doux-amer / bittersweet nothingness

Summary: YN knows she’s going to die any minute now after a mission that went wrong. She know she has to accept it, but she’s scared. Luckily for her Kaz, the only man she has ever felt safe with, finds her just in time to comfort her in her last minutes. What she didn’t know was the pain Kaz would experience second after she was gone.

Warnings: This story contains themes of violence, injury, death, fear, and grief. Terrible writing that is probably going to be edited soon. I did try to make this sad. No happy ending. Pretty short, but I’m planning a pt.2

Also: I used google translate for the title, so I have no idea if it actually makes sense.

YN lay on the dirty concrete of Ketterdam, her body riddled with bullets and her life slipping away. She knew that death was creeping up on her with every passing second, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. The fear had consumed her, and she felt helpless. Suddenly, she heard a familiar voice. “Y/N?” she looked up to see Kaz, the only man she had ever felt truly safe with, running towards her. “Oh saints, Y/n!”

Blood oozed out of the bullet wounds and stained her clothes a deep red. Kaz was on his knees beside her in a matter of seconds, trying to staunch the bleeding with his jacket. “YN, stay with me," he whispered desperately, fear etched on his face.

"I'm scared, Kaz," she said weakly. "Don't be scared. I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you," he replied, his voice shaky. But they both knew it was too late for that.

"Kaz, I don't want to die. Not yet," whispered YN. "I know dove, I'm here with you," replied Kaz, his tone soothing despite the fear in his own voice.

YN reached out a trembling hand towards Kaz, desperate for some human touch in her final moments. But Kaz's face twisted in fear, his phobia of physical contact preventing him from comforting her in the way she needed. "It's okay, YN. You're not alone." He said while fighting the demons in his head that dared to be so cruel by keeping him from touching her in her last moments.

Tears filled YN's eyes as she looked up at Kaz, knowing that he was the only person who truly understood her. She took a shaky breath, knowing that her time was running out.

"Thank you, Kaz. -”And something in his mind clicked, the voices filling his head went silent for a moment and he realized that she needed him. With trembly hands, Kaz took his gloves out and granted Y/n’s last wish by taking her hand in his. “-For everything." Said Y/n with a weakened smile. Kaz leaned in closer, "Anything for you, dove."

In that moment, YN's eyes closed for the last time and her hand fell limp. Kaz's heart shattered, knowing that he had just lost the only person he truly cared for. He sat there for a moment, overwhelmed with sadness. She was gone and he was, once again, left alone fighting the demons in his head that were telling him to let go as her hand grew colder, and colder but he couldn’t. Tears streamed down Kaz's face as he clutched onto YN's lifeless hand. He was barley able to touch her while she was alive but was now holding onto death so tightly because that was all he had left from her.

[daydreamingatnight209]

Hello Everyone! This is my all new, revamped Masterlist ✨💕

Please see my Notice Page for rules on requesting and other important information. All works are below!

Last updated - 7th April 2024

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[queenofspades6]

Extract From Part 2 of Greatest Investment - Kaz Brekker x reader

————

”Kaz.”

”No, Jesper, I don’t want to hear it.“ He replied, gesturing his Crow to leave his office.

“I’ll tell you nonetheless. Y/N will come back when she is ready. She won’t appreciate you ordering Dregs to find her.“

“I don’t care.”

Jesper laughed, and put his hands on Kaz’s desk, ignoring the death glance of Dirtyhands.

”You do care! You’re here sending our men looking for an assassin that doesn’t want to be found! If you didn’t care, you would have moved on.“

“Nonsense.”

”You can’t let her go, admit it, Kaz.”

“Shut up, Jesper.”

Jesper had never seen his Boss so angry, but he couldn’t stop.

”You can’t let her go, and that drives you mad!”

“That’s enough!”

“Oh no, I still haven’t tell you all my mind. Y/N is my friend. She deserves more, Kaz and you know it.”

“Of course, I can’t let her go, she’s my greatest investment!“

“Fuck you and your investment, Kaz! That’s all lies. Y/N is my friend, she deserved more than being your tool. And you know the worst in that? You believe the lies you’re feeding yourself. She’s always been more. If not, why bribing each shop in Ketterdam for her, why tending to her wounds for days and months why you let others die?”

———

Part 1 available here before Part 2!

[jahayla-parker]

@ell0ra-br3kk3r check your DMs, I’ve got you covered for the Angst part 😇

And that’s in ADDITION to the Freddy angst that you, @nikfigueiredo , & @missdreamofendless all were ✨so happy ✨to have gotten today😇😂

when i want fluff/angst fics and all i’m getting is smut

the struggle is real

[girlinwaytoomanyfandoms]

Hello! I write fanfiction. Typically Character X Reader, but I will be willing to try Character x Character.

Requests Are: CLOSED

Below Is Information On

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Works In Progress

What Fandoms I Write For & Which Characters

It’s easier for me to write for characters I like versus ones I do not. It is also easier for me to write romantic stories for characters I personally fancy/like.

If the character that you want isn’t there, I’m not doing a certain type of request for them, etc. You can still ask, but please be nice about it if I say I won’t write it.

Characters that are minors/under 18 will NOT be shipped with readers who are over the age of 18. If a character ages throughout (example: Harry Potter) specify which age you want that character. Honestly please, please, PLEASE specify in general!

Marvel Cinematic Universe

1940s

40s Steven “Steve” Rodgers (Pre Serum)

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Avengers & Family

Anthony “Tony” Stark/Iron Man

Steven “Steve” Rodgers

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Wanda Maximoff

Pietro Maximoff

Samuel “Sam” Wilson

James “Bucky” Barnes

Kate Bishop

Yelena Belova

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Extras

TASM Peter Parker

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Samuel “Sam” Wilson & James “Bucky” Barnes

Natalia “Nat” Romanoff & Clinton “Clint” Barton

Steve Rodgers & Bucky Barnes

Twilight

Vampires

Carlisle Cullen

Esme Cullen

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Bree Tanner

Wolves

Jacob Black

Seth Clearwater

Humans

Charlie Swan

Top Three Favorite Character Combos

Emmett Cullen & Rosalie Hale

Alice Cullen & Rosalie Hale

Alice Cullen & Emmett Cullen

The Santa Clause

The Elves

Bernard The Head Elf

Curtis The Elf

Judy The Elf

Abby The Elf

The Claus Family

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus

Carol Newman/Mrs. Claus

Buddy Calvin-Claus

Sandra Calvin-Claus

Extras

Charlie Calvin

Lucy Miller

Top Three Favorite Character Combos

Bernard The Head Elf & Curtis

Sandra Calvin-Claus & Bernard The Head Elf (What I Imagine Their Relationship Would Be Like)

Sandra Calvin-Claus & Lucy Miller (What I Imagine Their Relationship Would Be Like)

Five Nights at Freddy’s

The Afton Family

William Afton (Games)

Mrs. Afton

Michael Afton/Mike Schmidt (Games)

Michael Afton (Teen) (Games)

Elizabeth Afton

Crying Child

The Emily Family

Henry Emily

Charlotte “Charlie” Emily (Games)

Charlotte “Charlie” Emily (Books)

Sammy Emily

Missing Children’s Incident

Cassidy MCI

Susie MCI

Fritz MCI

Jeremy MCI

Gabriel MCI

Five Nights At Freddy’s One

Bonnie The Bunny

Chica The Chicken

Foxy The Pirate Fox

Five Nights At Freddy’s Two

Toy Freddy

Toy Bonnie

Toy Chica

Puppet

Mangle

Withered Bonnie

Withered Chica

Withered Foxy

Five Nights At Freddy’s Four

Nightmare Freddy

Nightmare Bonnie

Nightmare Chica

Nightmare Foxy

Nightmarionne

Nightmare Mangle

Nightmare Fredbear

Nightmare

Sister Location

Funtime Freddy

Bon Bon

Funtime Foxy

Circus Baby

Ballora

Bonnet

Lolbit

Pizzeria Simulator

Scrapbaby

L.E.F.T.E

Security Puppet

Helpy

Mr. Hippo

Happy Frog

Pigpatch

Security Breach

Glamrock Freddy Fazbear

Glamrock Chica

Roxanne Wolf

Montgomery Gator

Sundrop

Moondrop

Mini Music Man

DJ Music Man

Vanny

Vanessa (Games)

Gregory “Fazbear”

Ruin

Shattered Freddy

Shattered Chica

Shattered Roxy

Shattered Monty

Eclipse

Cassie

Five Nights At Freddy’s Movie

Mike Schmidt (Movie)

Vanessa (Movie)

Abby Schmidt

Garrett Schmidt

Fredbear’s Family Diner

Spring Bonnie

Fredbear

Springtrap

Golden Freddy

Golden Freddy

Extras

Glamrock Bonnie

Shattered Bonnie

Glamrock Foxy

Shattered Foxy

Top Three Favorite Character Combos

Michael Afton & Charlie Emily

Charlie Emily & Elizabeth Afton

Michael Afton & Crying Child (Especially With The GlamMike And GregBot Theories in mind)

Stranger Things

The Kids

Eleven/Jane Hopper

Max Mayfield

Mike Wheeler

Will Byers

Dustin Henderson

Lucas Sinclair

Erica Sinclair

The Teens/Young Adults

Steve Harrington

High School Steve

Robin Buckley

High School Robin

Adults

Jim Hopper

Joyce Byers

Top Three Favorite Character Combos

Eleven/Jane Hopper & Max Mayfield

Dustin Henderson & Steve Harrington

Steve Harrington & Robin Buckley

Harry Potter

Harry’s Year

Harry Potter

Hermione Granger

Ron Weasley

Neville Longbottom

Draco Malfoy

Below Harry’s Year

Ginny Weasley

Luna Lovegood

Above Harry’s Year

Fred Weasley

George Weasley

Teachers/Adults

Minerva Mcgonagall

Rubeus Hagrid

Severus Snape

Remus Lupin (Adult)

Sirius Black (Adult)

Molly Weasley

Marauders Era

Remus Lupins (Teen)

Sirius Black (Teen)

James Potter (Teen)

Top Three Favorite Character Combos

Luna Lovegood & Neville Longbottom

Ginny Weasley & Hermione Granger

Fred Weasley & George Weasley

The Hunger Games

District 12

Katniss Everdeen

Peeta Mellark

Primrose “Prim” Everdeen

District 11

Rue

District 7

Johanna Mason

District 4

Finnick Odair

Annie Cresta

Top Three Favorite Character Combos

Katniss Everdeen & Finnick Odair

Finnick Odair & Annie Cresta

Haymitch Abernathy & Effie Trinket

Anne With An E

The Kids

Anne Shirley

Ruby Gillis

Diana Berry

Ka’kwet

Tillie Boulter

Josie Pie

Jane Andrews

Minnie May Berry

Cole Mackenzie

Jerry Baynard

Gilbert Blythe

Moody Spurgeon

Billy Andrews

The Adults

Marilla Cuthbert

Matthew Cuthbert

Sebastian Lacroix

Top Three Favorite Character Combos

Anne Shirley & Jerry Baynard

Ruby Gillis & Anne Shirley

Anne Shirley & Diana Berry

Julie And The Phantoms

Julie Molina

Luke Patterson

Reginald “Reggie” Peters

Alex Mercer

Flynn Taylor

Top Three Favorite Character Combos

Julie Molina & Luke Patterson

Alex Mercer & Julie Molina

Luke Patterson & Alex Mercer

And a couple others

What I Will Write And Will NOT Write

What I Will Write

Angst

Fluff

Hurt/comfort

Platonic Relationships

Romantic Relationships

What I Will Not Write

Smut

Incest

Anything that I am uncomfortable with

Side note: I am okay with requests for Depression, s3lf !njury, Su!c!de, Anxiety, P@n!c attacks, Autism (Meltdowns, Shutdowns, Etc), ADHD, and things like that, so don’t be afraid to ask!

If you are ever unsure of if something is okay or not, feel free to ask.

PLEASE Request! <3

[jahayla-parker]

Reparations : Freddy Carter x Reader

Description: Part 3/ Fluffy make-up conclusion to Catastrophic Blues. Angst, breakup, heartbreak, post-breakup, longing, sadness, etc.

Warnings: I advise you re-read (or read) parts 1 and 2/Catastrophic Blues and Hits Different first! Other warnings: reference to warnings of other parts including drinking, Angst, breakup, heartbreak, post-breakup, longing, sadness, vomiting, crying, etc.

Catastrophic Blues Hit(s) Different : Freddy Carter x Reader Mini-Series Masterlist

Freddy’s breath caught in his chest as his tired eyes landed on her. He’d been walking around to clear his mind and was just returning to the apartment complex when the sight of y/h/c y/h/t caught his attention. He willed his now shaky legs to take him to her. His steps were nearly robotic, but he was still getting closer. Perhaps if he showed y/n he was willing to talk, they could work it out. Or at least he’d be able to know if she had moved on by now. That way he’d know if his longing was as one sided and futile as it seemed.

Freddy hesitated in his approach. Maybe it was best not to be the one to initiate the conversation. After all, y/n had asked for space. Approaching her now would not be a way of giving her space.

Freddy was about to turn around and walk away when he caught sight of something peculiar. He squinted and unconsciously took a few more steps towards y/n. She had emptied her garbage into the dumpster, but only tissues seemed to come out of it. Had she been crying? Thanks to his unconscious approach, he was able to see the trail of dried tear streaks on her cheeks from here. She had been crying. In fact, now that Freddy’s focus shifted off of if he should approach her and onto whether or not she was okay, he noticed several other details he hadn’t before. Her hair was pinned up in a messy bun but was clearly tangled. Her lips were present in a frown. Her eyes were bloodshot. And the shirt she had on… He recognized that shirt. It was his shirt.

Freddy wasn’t even aware he’d made his way over to y/n until he heard himself speaking. “Is that my shirt?” He asked quietly, his eyes scanning her. What was she doing in his shirt? And why did it seem like she’d been crying? Were the two related?

Y/n gasped and spun quickly, her hip smacking the side of the dumpster as she unexpectedly came face-to-face with Freddy. “Oh,” She mumbled. She frantically fumbled around as she tried to clean her face and fix herself somewhat. She hadn’t expected to run into anyone while emptying her trash, much less him. Realizing her attempts were unsuccessful, she bit her bottom lip and stared at her slipper-cladded feet. “Let me go ch-… umm, sorry. Yes, sorry, it is. I’ll go change and set it by the door,” she offered, voice shaking in embarrassment. “Or, uhh, I can wash it for you first if you-“.

Freddy shook his head, brows burrowed. “That’s not why I was asking,” he admitted. He sucked in a painful breath when her eyes looked up and met his. Normally her eyes brought him such comfort and warmth. But the shimmer of unshed tears that were currently present in them broke his heart even further; which he didn’t think was possible.

“W-what?” Y/n squeaked in confusion.

“I don’t want it back,” Freddy explained, shaking his head lightly.

Y/n pursed her lips to keep them from trembling. “Oh, you don’t?” She nodded slowly. “Then… why-?”

“I…,” Freddy mumbled. He nervously licked his bottom lip. “I… I’ve dreamt of this,” he admitted breathily.

Y/n’s eyes widened and she took a tiny step back in surprise. “Y-you’ve dreamt of this?” She asked.

Freddy nodded. “Of seeing you again, yes,” he explained slowly. “Of talking to you, seeing some semblance of us,” he added, waving at his shirt she had on, “yes, I’ve dreamt of this”.

Y/n tried to steady her breathing. She couldn’t believe Freddy was here, talking to her. Much less that he had wanted this. Dreamt of it. Her mind was racing so much she couldn’t respond.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” Freddy sighed. “Can I ask you just one question?”

When y/n nodded in acceptance, Freddy took a deep breath. “Why are.. Why did you choose to wear it?” He asked.

Y/n glanced down at Freddy’s shirt. “I.. actually, because I miss you,” she admitted quietly. His silence made her heart beat rapidly in her chest and made her queasy. She quickly spun on her heels to leave.

“Don’t you dare walk away,” Freddy rushed out. He shook his head, eyes pleading. “Not after saying what I have wanted to hear ever since that night,” he murmured.

“You… what?” Y/n paused as she faced him.

Freddy frowned. “Did you think I’d forget about us and just move on?”

Y/n broke eye contact and stared at the dingy dumpster. “I mean… you never came back,” she pointed out.

“I thought you wanted space,” Freddy defended.

“I didn’t mean to say that,” y/n pouted.

Freddy sighed. She had meant it, he knew that much. She didn’t need to lie to him about how she was feeling. “Y/n,” he frowned.

“Okay,” y/n mumbled shyly. “Okay, well I did… but I was wrong,” she argued.

“Y/n, I’m not going to force something upon -,” Freddy began.

“You’re not,” y/n rushed out, shaking her head rapidly.

Freddy looked away, unable to calm himself down while looking into y/n’s far too familiar eyes. “I can’t do this. No more beating around the bush…” He prompted, closing his eyes. “Do you not love me anymore?”

Y/n choked on a deep breath. “Of course I do,” she replied.

“Then we can talk this out, we-“ Freddy began to beg.

“F-Freddy, do you?” Y/n asked, cutting him off frantically.

“What?” Freddy questioned.

Y/n timidly met Freddy’s gaze. “Do… do you think you can love me again?” She wondered.

A small smile formed on Freddy’s lips. “Again would imply that I stopped.” Seeing y/n’s silent uncertainty, he hummed. “I never did. I just wanted us to work through this,” he stated.

“Not going to say anything?” Freddy inquired as y/n stood there silently.

“No,” y/n creaked.

Freddy’s brows furrowed. “Why not?”

“Last time I was this scared, I pushed you away and it ended,” y/n rushed out, looking away from Freddy.

“W-what?” Freddy mumbled, tilting his head to try and see y/n’s eyes.

“But, I also can’t risk agreeing only to have you leave again,” y/n rambled anxiously.

“Y/n,” Freddy cooed, “stop, go back”. He sighed softly. “What do you mean you pushed me away because you were scared …?”

“I …,” y/n cried. “Freddy,” she whispered, voice breaking.

“Can I…?” Freddy asked vaguely as he held his arms out in the shape of a hug.

“Yes,” y/n nodded. “P-please,” she whimpered, stepping closer to Freddy.

Freddy immediately closed the distance between then and took y/n into his embrace. Bloody hell, how long had he been waiting for this moment? He smiled lightly to himself when he heard her drop her garbage can to the ground as she gently rested her head on his chest.

“You were scared?” Freddy whispered in y/n’s ear. He frowned in concern when she nodded against his sternum. “About what? About living with me?” He inquired. When she simply nodded again in response, he carefully leaned back so he could look into her eyes. “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, we don’t have to-,” Freddy began to offer.

“No, I-,” y/n gushed. She shook her head and bit into her bottom lip. “Freddy,” she sighed, “it wasn’t that I didn’t want to… it’s just.. I was… s-s…”

“Scared?” Freddy finished for y/n. As she nodded and continued to stare at her feet, he used his thumb to tenderly tilt her chin up so he could see her eyes. “Of me?” He investigated worriedly.

“No…,” y/n trailed off, her head lightly shaking side to side.

“Then…?” Freddy pressed.

“Of me..,” y/n confessed quietly. She fiddled anxiously with her fingers.

Freddy stood silently for a moment, collecting his thoughts. “W-what?”

“I was sc-scared that if we lived together, I’d become too much,” y/n admitted with a sigh. “That you’d see something that would scare you away. That things would become too real and you’d leave, or-,” she began to ramble.

“Y/n,” Freddy hummed, tenderly taking hold of her hands to stop her fidgeting. “Nothing you could do, say, or show me, could’ve ever made me leave,” he attested.

Y/n nodded hesitantly. “That…That night..,” she mumbled.

Freddy sighed in regret. “I only left because I thought you wanted me to go. That’s the only circumstance in which I’d leave, is if that’s what you wanted,” he defended softly.

Y/n nodded. “I didn’t handle it well,” she acknowledged. “I did need… I needed a moment, but not… not this long,” she told Freddy.

Freddy nodded sympathetically. He hummed and delicately pulled y/n back to his chest. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“No, I’m s-,” y/n protested.

“Mmm, we could go back and forth for hours,” Freddy hummed. “How about instead, I grab us some y/f/d from the cafe down the street, and we can talk this over more on where we want to go from here?” He suggested nervously.

“I’d love that,” y/n admitted as she smiled softly.

“So would I,” Freddy grinned. He pressed a featherlight kiss to the top of her head. “It’s a date,” he beamed.

Freddy Carter Taglist: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @missdreamofendless @nikfigueiredo @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @alex-kazbrekkersimp @opheliaofficial07 @historynerd77 @el-de-phi @booklover2389 @whistle1whistle

Freddy Carter Navigation

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My Main Masterlist (All My Works) Navigation

Catastrophic Blues Hit(s) Different : Freddy Carter x Reader Mini-Series Masterlist

[lialialow]

Kaz Brekker | Injuries and Love

Fluff + Angst Kaz Brekker x reader

Warnings Swearing, mention of death, injuries

Synopsis Being the only healer in Ketterdam willing to treat Kaz Brekker is hard enough, falling in love with him is harder…

A/N I enjoyed writing this way too much- enjoy!

Word Count 1.5k

It had been five long years of seeing Kaz walk in, a stab wound, a bullet wound, a few bruises here and there, a knife in his back. The list was endless. Being the most targeted 17-year-old in Ketterdam was no easy feat, so it was no shock to you when he walked in, yet again dripping blood onto your newly cleaned floors.

You were the only healer in all of Ketterdam that Kaz allowed himself to be weak in front of; you get it. The bastard of the barrel had to keep up his strong face in front of all, you being the one and only exception. That fateful meeting all those years ago, you were the girl sitting by the dock, who noticed that half dead boy floating in the water, and it was you who subsequently revived him.

After that, you grew close to the boy, both of you having no one but each other, and of course he consistently got into fights, who better than a healer as his best friend to heal him up, ready for his next endeavour. For many years, you were the one and only person he trusted, everyone else was but a stranger; he never let another person see past his facade.

As you grew to care more and more for Kaz, you would only become increasingly more worried each time he walked into your room at the Crow Club. What if this was the time his injury was just too much? What if you became the reason for his death? So each time he walked out of your room perfectly fine, it felt like a mountain of pressure was lifted off of your shoulders.

It was a dilemma for you, on one hand, you wanted nothing more than for him to constantly be in your presence, but it seemed every time he was; it was for the sole purpose of you healing him, so you began to hope he would never come to see you.

After all, you didn’t want him to get hurt, not even a scratch.

- - -

“Wowww, thanks Kaz! Dripping your blood onto my freshly cleaned floors, amazing!” you grumbled, rolling your eyes.

“Adds a sense of decor.” Kaz replies, his eyebrow raising, sarcasm from you, not unexpected.

You stared him down, even when injured he still held himself high and proud. Only leaning on his cane for support, so bloody arrogant, though you guess that’s one of the things you loved about him.

“Hmph. Tell me Kaz, how does one go about getting stabbed in the side at… Seven AM in the morning?”

A bewildered expression occupying your face.

“It’s the barrel”

“Helpful, not gonna work this time though. Elaborate.”

“I was out, then this bastard came out of nowhere and just stabbed me in the fucking side.”

“Unprovoked, sure”

“Yes.”

“Well… Y-You’ve got to be more careful, for god's sake, I can’t keep fucking healing you every single time you go out!” you scolded, running your hands through your hair and moving to the drawer where you kept your kit, a routine so common it was ingrained into your brain.

“Come on y/n, you and I both know it isn’t that big of a deal, just a scratch.” He spoke aimlessly towards your back, willing you to meet his eyes.

“You can’t say that Kaz, It’s reckless. It’s irresponsible. It’s-”

Just as you were finishing your sentence, Kaz keeled over, his hand moving to his side, covering the wound and then, collapsed.

Panic overwhelmed all of your senses.

Shit. Fuck. What, What? Oh god. Keep calm y/n Don’t be stupid.

He never outright collapsed, Nina always stopped that, she always did. But this time, the blood loss must have been too much; you should have caught that. The blood, dripping; and of course, how could you have missed the evident paleness of his face, it was so ashen.

If you hadn’t been so busy scolding him for blood on the goddamn floor.

God's sake it was such a simple thing, it could have been so easily cleaned up: your own ignorance could lead him to dying. Shit.

You rushed over to him, your hand grabbing a bandage from the drawer. As you kneeled down you could see the blood slowly soaking through his shirt, and instinctively shouted for someone, anyone, to just help.

Come on y/n, concentrate

Tearing open his shirt you immediately spotted the stab wound, bleeding crimson red: focusing as much as you possibly could, you gently placed your hands either side of the wound. Just as you began healing Kaz, the door swung open, and immediately you heard Jesper’s whiny voice from right behind you.

“Woah! Getting a bit touchy there aren’t we y/n?” Jesper taunted, craning his neck over your shoulder.

“Shut it Jesper- The man is dying!”

You hadn’t even realised it but you were crying, a literal mess. Honestly, most of the time you were not like this, but you guess the recent stress of general life had just overwhelmed all sense of stability in your emotions. So you carried on doing what you do best, healing Kaz…

With Jesper finally shutting up, you could finally concentrate, and by that point the only enemy was your own brain; convincing you that for some reason Kaz was going to die. Yet your heart knew that you weren’t going to let this bloody bastard die. Looking down you realised you had already closed the wound, only a bright red scar could be seen forming, surrounded by the pre-existing blood.

Huh

Standing up slowly, your head felt just a bit light and you wandered your way outside, immediately vomiting up any food you had eaten in the morning onto the pavement, to the horror of Jesper, who stood right behind you.

“FUCKING HELL Y/N, give a bit of a warning will you?” he teased, jumping away from you, but sobered up quickly after realising you were crying.

“Fuck, Jesper. Sorry”

“It’s fine darling. Kaz will be fine, thanks to you.” Jesper replied, dragging you in by the arm.

“But I let him get that bad, I didn’t notice, I-”

You pulled yourself away from his hold, and stared him straight in the eyes. What a mess he must be seeing. Something you never really let anyone see, your weaknesses, you could say.

“You love him, don’t you?”

“I-”

Realisation slowly dawned on your features, that’s it, that’s why you felt this hole slowly opening in your heart, that’s why you were so full of anguish, and constantly blaming yourself.

“Trust me y/n, he feels the same, I mean sure you don’t see it; but his face truly lights up every time you're around him, not noticeably sure, but it does. It just makes you wonder, he probably just got injured as an excuse to see you again.”

“Wishful thinking”

- - -

Just as your brain leapt into the depths of hope, both you and Jesper heard a loud crash from your room, right where Kaz was staying. Without another thought you ran, sprinted, almost tripped and fell, up the stairs and burst the door open. Right in front of you was dirtyhands himself, looking like a ghost, yet still as handsome as ever.

“YOU MOTHERFUCKER, SCARING ME HALF TO DEATH, KAZ BREKKER YOU ABSOLUTE NITWIT. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND GETS STABBED AT SEVEN IN THE MORNING. WHO-” You yelled, combing your fingers through your sweat soaked hair.

Then you stopped, realising his hand was next to yours.

“Please stop y/n, I have a headache.”

Processing his words, you couldn’t help but think how anyone could have fallen in love with this arrogant selfish fool. But you did.

You fell to the floor, kneeling and sobbing, an overly emotional fool was what you were. Relief washed over you, he was alive, it was okay, yet still you couldn’t stop the endless flow of tears that appeared to come from your eyes.

“I love you y/n” Kaz whispered to you, his hand still holding yours.

Wait-

Hold on.

“Say something you idiot.” He urged, your sobs had stopped, and now you had resorted to staring into blank space, you really had gone through all five stages of grief in the space of five minutes.

“Did you hit your head when you fell?” you uttered, a hand reaching out to check his head.

“No”

“Oh,” your voice barely more than a whisper, “Well, then, I love you too Kaz.”

“Good.” He replied walking over to your bed and laying down, leaving you standing motionless and speechless.

After what felt like an hour, you sat down next to him and took his hand.

“Kaz I shouldn’t think this, but I can't help to just be slightly thankful that you got stabbed, not that it’s a good thing that you got injured, but-”

“I get it,” he said “Now let me sleep.”

And you could have sworn you could see a slight smile on his face. Looks like everything went according to his plan.

- - -

[curseofaphrodite]

Groupchat

kaz x reader

summary: Jesper makes a groupchat with all the crows to annoy Kaz about his feelings regarding Y/N. (very short and cheesy!)

Inej: YOU BOUGHT Y/N A CAT? WHO ARE YOU? Kaz: No, I gave Y/N permission to have one. 

Inej: SAME THING.

Wylan: Is it a ship I smell?

Kaz: Why am I here again?

—Jesper named the group Kaz and Y/N Sitting Under a Tree — Jesper: 😎

— Kaz named the group I will cut you —

Inej: okay then

Matthias: I just wanted the complete plan for the heist. What am I doing here?

Kaz: I’m throwing all of your phones into the sea. And if any of this reach Y/N, I’ll fire all of you. 

— Kaz has left the chat —

Jesper: pfft we can keep a secret. we’re criminals for a living.

— Y/N has left the chat —

Jesper: Fuck.

[mcntsee]

— ★ navigation

↳ each masterlist will tell you wether the request for that specific character(s) are open or not!

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↳ fic recs twenty twenty-four;

contains the following characters; spencer reid, kaz brekker, simon “ghost” riley, alastor, hobie brown

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contains the following fandoms; marvel, criminal minds, the umbrella academy, corpse husband, six of crows, and some actors who are part of said fandoms.

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this is just my inbox answers. to see those click here! or go to these: #mcntseesrequests / #mcntseesasks [tagged below]

[nowayhomerry]

kaz brekker rec list

hope you guys enjoy these. basically all of them are hurt/comfort fics lmao.

EXTRA REMINDER: there is NO smut on this list for obvious reasons. out of respect for the character, i don't like to read it

--

-- simply clothes - @alcottsangel

categories: just fluff fluff fluff!

word count: 1.2k

summary: simple moments of kaz showing his affection for y/n through giving her his clothes

-- cupid screwed up - @genyaakostyk

categories: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, pining

word count: 3.6k

summary: three times kaz indirectly tells y/n he loves her and one time she almost dies and he confessed his feelings, just in a very kaz like way

-- don’t let go - @magpiencrow

categories: hurt/comfort, PINING

word count: 2k

summary: after saving her life, kaz patches up y/n

-- what one deserves - @scandalous-chaos

categories: JEALOUS KAZ, some fluff

word count: 1.7k

summary: kaz is jealous in multiple ways which leads to a confessions

-- fool’s gold - @herxondale

categories: jealous kaz (again)

word count: 2k

summary: in which kaz has no right to be jealous. but you remind him that he could

-- belladonna - @sunnymaybank

categories: hurt/comfort, angst

word count: 7k

summary: you've been working with the crows for years, kaz stumbles through the door with a cut with the only poison that that have no antidote for

-- wants to touch - @bookishdream

categories: fluff!!

word count: 1.1k

summary: the urge to touch is new to kaz, but with you everything is different

-- my reason - @parkersbliss

categories: angst, fluff

word count: 2k

summary: kaz brekker makes a desperate attempt to protect you, but it backfires for both parties

-- bloody hands - @genyaakostyk

categories: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

word count: 3.2k

summary: kaz never feels the need to explain his entire plan. he knows that. whatever happens, it will inevitably go according to plan. but when his plan goes wrong and y/n is injured, kaz is suddenly forced to comprehend with the skeletal hands of death once again

-- jet black heart - @herxondale

categories: fluff, feelings

word count: 2.8k

summary: in which kaz brekker is overwhelmed by his feelings for you

-- fool - @magpiencrow

categories: fluff, there was only one bed 👀

word count: 2.4k

summary: when on a mission, you and kaz are forced to share a bed. confessions ensue

-- company - @goldengoddess

categories: fluff, mild angst

word count: 2.2k

summary: kaz starts to miss your sunny personality when you don't show up to your daily hello

-- initials - @triptuckers

categories: fluff

word count: 1.4k

summary: for as long as the crows can remember you've worn a ring with initials on it, and they've been trying to figure out what they stand for ever since

-- man’s best friend - @magpiencrow

(i think this might my favorite kaz fic I've ever read)

categories: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

word count: 4.7k

summary: an unexpected companion turns into a worthy investment

-- i worry about you - @goldengoddess

categories: fluff, slight angst

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summary: checking up on you is a necessity for kaz, but one night you learn just just how worried kaz really gets

-- forgiveness - @vermillion-wren

categories: angst, fluff

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summary: kaz's insensitive words lead to a very upset jesper on your behalf

-- my girl - @kazscrows

categories: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

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summary: kaz would do anything to get revenge for his girl

-- definitely soft - @holden-caulfield

categories: fluff

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summary: kaz is the only one that can't see how you can change him

-- sweetheart - @cardanslctters

categories: fluff

word count: 1k

summary: kaz's reaction to you calling him "sweetheart"

-- lose you to love me | mini series - @tomhollandisabae

part 1 part 2

categories: ANGST, hurt/comfort

word count: 4k (in total)

summary: after a long time of kaz ignoring tou, you decide to free himself from his misery... you

-- saints don’t come here - @imkylotrash

categories: fluff, slight angst

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summary: kaz gets his second a gift

-- skin - @imkylotrash

categories: jealous kaz, fluff

word count: 1.5k

summary: a mission leads to a slightly steamy interaction between you and kaz

-- taking hits - @iheardarumorthings

categories: fluff, slight angst

word count: 0.6k

summary: reader is kaz's bodyguard, and kaz is not great at expressing his feelings

--

[rebelelegance]

Calloused Hearts - 4

Summary: Trouble stirs, but maybe it was for the better. Or for the worse.

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Tidemaker!reader

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Kaz’s touch aversion

w/c: 1.5k+

A/N: I'M BACK! And in view of sab ss2 I thought "what better way to start of than by continuing this beautiful fic?" so here I am.

I'm a tad bit rusty, so please sympathize. But here y'all go.

&lt;<prev chapter

Chapter 4:

A week.

You’d spent a week getting better, gambling, teasing Jesper and hanging out with the crows.

But most of all, you’d spent a week avoiding Kaz.

Although at this point you couldn’t tell if you were avoiding him or if he was avoiding you. But, it seemed like a mix of the two. 

You watched as he made his way down the stairs, your eyes temporarily diverting from the drink in front of you. Jesper cleared his throat next to you, earning a jab in his side from Wylan. “What?! It’s like a full blown romance novel!” Your head spun around, wide eyes landing on your friend. “Cut that out will you? He could hear you!” you whispered. “Well he already knows. ‘Till the tide goes sti-” you clapped your hand over his mouth, sending him a warning look.

Yes.

You’d told him. He’d found it rather amusing. However he didn't seem to understand the fact that it had to remain a secret. You pulled away, still watching him carefully as he held up his hands. “Sorry,” he muttered.

You turned back around to face Kaz, the familiar hollow feeling settling in your chest. He was talking to Inej now, the girl’s body language, a hand on her knives, worrying you. 

“Something’s wrong,” you say, watching Kaz’s expression harden even from this distance.

And then his eyes are on yours.

Piercing. Hard. And yet again, unreadable.

His head tilted to the left slightly, the age old gesture causing you to spring to your feet. You pull at Jesper’s hand dragging him along, ignoring his protests about a drink going to waste.

It was weird. No matter how long you’d spent apart, the signal never changed. Your understanding of each other was still rather perfect. You followed Kaz and Inej up the stairs, the other crows following behind. 

You couldn’t imagine what it was. What made Kaz call you up here along with the others? If he had to contact you all, why tell you directly? Why hadn’t he told anyone else?

Maybe. Just maybe…you were regaining his trust.

You all piled into his office, Inej sending a worried look your way.

Maybe not.

“Inej picked up on intel. Pekka Rollins is working with the stadwatch and Grisha now.” Kaz said, placing his hands on his desk and leaning over it.

“Why would he do that?” Jesper asked from next to you. 

“Because then he hits two birds with one stone.” 

What did he mean?

“I don’t get it,” Wylan responded, “ am I the only one that doesn’t get it?”

“No. I’m confused as well,” Nina added.

“He’s heard we’re harboring a Grisha that’s supposed to reward him with nearly 3 million kruge. And with the stadwatch’s help. He’ll take us down too.”

“3 million?” Jesper gawked.

Kaz wasn’t only keeping you away from Pekka. He was protecting you from the Grisha as well.

But he chose to not hand you over? Even if that meant losing 3 million kruge? And Pekka coming after him again?

“I’m sorry, Let me get this straight,” Inej started, “ You’re protecting her,” she said pointing to you, “even with a bounty of 3 million kruge over her head?”

You cowered away. 3 million could help them. Set them straight. Kaz didn’t even know the full story of what had happened to you. According to what he knew, you lived a luxurious life at the Little Palace. So why not get rid of you?

But what Kaz did next sent shivers down your spine.

“And what if I am Inej?” he asked, his tone menacing low.

The 7 of you stood there awkwardly, as you tried to stop your mind from racing.

What was Kaz thinking?

You felt an arm around your shoulders, and you did your best to stay still and not flinch at the sudden contact. 

“Even if you’d decided to trade her off. I wouldn’t let you,” Jesper remarked, squeezing your shoulder lightly. He shrugged, “She’s the only fun one around here.”

You smiled at Jesper, catching the others nod from the corner of your eye.

“I don’t mean that you’re not fun to be around,” Inej smiled slightly. She turned to Kaz, “I just don’t understand him sometimes.”

Kaz’s eyes were on yours. His face was blank. His eyes, however, were swarming with all sorts of emotion. He seemed angry, confused, a little relieved and …jealous?

“If you understood him there’d be no point in his existence,” Nina chimed in. 

His eyes landed on Nina, sending a glare her way, “I wanted to tell you all to be alert. Nina, see what you can find out from the stadwatch, and Inej, stick to the shadows.”

Both girls gave him quick nods, before leaving. “The rest of you, do your best to act normal,” he said, sorting through stuff on his desk. 

“That’s our cue,” Jesper said, using his arm around you to guide you out, your head swarming with the information that had been laid out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night as you made your way to Kaz’s room, you had to remind yourself that there was no other logical explanation.

It had to be done.

Just as you were about to knock on the door, Kaz’s voice sounded from the room, “Come in.”

You closed the door behind you, walking in hesitantly, unsure of how you were going to tell him, and how he would take it.

But you didn’t have to.

“I won’t let you do it,” he said. 

He was sitting on a chair, only one lantern illuminating the room, as shadows danced around. 

You thought it depicted your heart quite well.

The light was in front of you. Disheveled hair, tired features, and an outstretched leg. 

And the shadows were everything that had ever gone wrong in your life.

How much longer ‘till the light decided he was done glowing for you?

“Let me do what?” you asked, voice trembling slightly. You knew what he meant. But you couldn’t believe that he said it.

“I won’t let you turn yourself in.”

There it was.

“It’s 3 million kruge Kaz. That could get you all settled for life.”

“So what?” he asked, leaning forward. He was scarily calm, his face illuminated ever so slightly.

“So what?! So I’m saying that I should go. That I need to go. That it would keep Pekka off of you for a little while longer. Tha-”

“They’re all happy with you here.”

“Kaz-”

“They’ve warmed up to you quite fast. I’m not going to take that away from them.” 

You shook your head. “3 million kruge is a lot. Imagine the wonders it would do for all of you.” 

“And what about the wonders you do by being here?”

You froze. 

“Nina finally has someone that gets her humor. Wylan sees you as an older sister. Jesper thinks of you as a platonic soulmate. You’re the only one Matthias doesn’t want to be all over and can tolerate. And Inej-”

“Doesn’t like me” you cut him off.

He tilted his head to the side. “You’re wrong. Yet again. She admires you.”

You shook your head. “She doesn’t trust me. She admires the fact that you haven’t kicked me out yet, there’s a difference.”

Kaz just watched you, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Which I’m curious to know as well. 3 million kruge. PR, the stadwatch and grisha off of your back. What am I still doing here?” you ask, the words finally falling out of your mouth.

Kaz stilled. He looked away from you for a moment, before standing up and walking over to you.

You weren’t short, but Kaz had quite a few inches on you, and as he stood in front of you, eyes boring into yours, you felt your stomach do multiple flips.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he whispered.

Your heart raced. “Why?” you asked, your eyes searching his.

He closed his eyes, and you felt his gloved hand over yours. Not holding your hand, not moving, just there. Your breath hitched, as his eyes opened again.

“Because, you said,” he paused, swallowing thickly as he visibly struggled to keep his eyes on yours, “you said - ‘till the tide goes still,” he looked away, unable to maintain eye contact any longer. Your eyes widened in shock. You didn’t think he’d remember.

“Yes. I did. Why are you bringing that up now?” you whispered. 

He looked at you again, his eyes fierce. “You didn’t hear me say it back that night.”

You couldn’t think. It seemed as though, just for a moment, the light in the room was a little brighter. Just for a moment. Because, he couldn’t have meant in the way you had. Could he?

But before you could ask, the door swung open. You spun around as Kaz stepped away from you, both in shock.

A confused, and worried looking Jesper stood in the doorway.

“I’m sorry for ruining,” he waved his arms around, “whatever this was. But, I can’t find Wylan.”

next chapter>>

Tags: @ancientbeing10 @lila-kille @emmnf1 @gabby10100 @foulkryptonitepeanut @pinchofhoney @peaches1958 @lyria-skyfall @sabii5

[queenofspades6]

Not an investment - Kaz Brekker x Reader

Summary: You try to forget Kaz with a man from the Crow Club. Kaz isn’t pleased at all. He finds a way to get rid of the guy, but you caught him. Kaz finally touches you for the first time.

Warnings: Angst. Fluff. Jealous Kaz.

A/N: I first wrote a draft of this when the first season of Shadow & Bone launched, i finally finished it, and wanted to share! I am so obsessed with Kaz! I might meet Freddy Carter on May, can’t wait but I am so scared at the same time!

———

You and the Crows had just accomplished another successful mission, earning each of you considerable money. The Crows had decided to throw a party to celebrate. Even Kaz had agreed to come. When Jesper asked him to join them, Kaz nodded, and Jesper cheered loudly, earning Kaz a grin.

Kaz Brekker had spent the last hour sitting with his arm on the bar, sipping a drink, and keeping an eye on the improvised dance floor. When the party began, Nina was already dancing, earning curious glances from both women and men. Jesper joined her after getting a few drinks. He tried to convince Inej to go dancing with him and Nina.

”You don’t want to go with them?“ You asked Inej, frowning.

”I do, but don’t tell them. Let them try to convince me.”

You nodded and asked the bartender for a strong drink. ”Make it two,” Inej said.

You watched her before glancing at the bartender.

”Tough night?” Inej asked.

You nodded again.

Inej didn’t bother to pry much; she knew each of you had your past. She knew how it felt to live with it, to live with the memories still there, haunting at night and even during the day... She knew better than to ask you about it.

The bartender arrived with both of your drinks. You thanked him and looked at Kaz, who was sitting at the other end of the bar, staring at people dancing and drinking in the Crow Club.

A man approached you. You didn’t see him coming; you were too caught up in stealing glances at Dirtyhands. The man took the seat next to you, and with a charming smile, he said:

“I didn’t take the infamous Ghost of Ketterdam for a drinker.”

You turned toward him, with a serious and almost warning look.

After all, you were the Ghost. If someone had a job to do, you were here. Looking for someone who disappeared? Easy. Stealing? As if you were a beginner. Taking revenge? Already done. Killing? Done. The Ghost was a shadow in Ketterdam. The kind of story that makes kids stay up all night. Rumors were you had no law, no faith and no humanity left. Oh, how wrong were they. If only they knew...

“What if I am?” You replied to the man.

”Even better.”

You grinned at him and decided to play the game.

“What about I offer you a drink?” He questioned, glancing at your body.

“I already have one, but go on.”

The man asked for another round of drinks, and the bartender complied.

”I didn’t think the Ghost was a beautiful woman like you.” He started, his eyes looking at his next prey.

Before, you would have punched that man hard in the face, but tonight, you didn’t care. You just wanted to have fun, and maybe it could involve him.

“Oh yeah? “

”Yes. Do you know how much people would pay to have you in their bed?”

You laughed and crossed eyes with Kaz. He was staring at you curiously. You thought it was a coincidence, but Kaz had been watching the whole time.

“I know.”

”Quite modest, I see.”

“I can be and do many things, you know?” You flirted, your head already spinning.

A little flirt was harmless, right? It wasn’t like it would change something. You stole another glance at Kaz, still sipping his drink in deadly silence. You knew there had always been something unspoken between the two of you, which you both probably wanted, but that was just impossible. Something that couldn’t be. So why not have fun with this silly man, you thought?

”I can only imagine.“ The man replied, his right hand stroking yours on the counter and his other hand on your knee.

”Let’s dance first.“

The man took your hand and complied, bringing you to the dance floor. The man danced with you, sometimes brushing your body. You didn’t care. Alcohol gave you confidence and relief. You danced closer to the man. And even closer. You both moved simultaneously, feeling the loud music and the alcohol in your veins. You could already feel the man’s arousal. But you didn’t care. You were trying to forget. Forget him and his stupid blue eyes. His silly cane. His silly waistcoats. Him. You just wanted to forget.

What you didn’t know was that Kaz Brekker couldn’t look away. His eyes were glued to your form and this man. This Dreg. Oh, Kaz hated the man at this moment. His hand tightened around his cane.

The man touched you even more intimately, placing his hand on your thigh. Kaz was watching it all; his hand clenched in a fist. He couldn’t bear it anymore. He knew you had a few drinks and hated the idea of the man taking advantage of you. Or worse... Maybe you let him...

Dirtyhands whispered something to the bartender, and then a servant rushed anxiously towards you.

The servant asked for ‘Jake’ something and then told him that someone was waiting outside for him.

He nodded.

“Sweetheart, I need to take care of something, and then I am coming back for you. We’ll finish what we started.”He said, a smirk forming on his lips.

You consented, not understanding what was happening.

The man walked toward the backdoor leading to the streets. You took a deep breath and went back towards your seat. You finished your drink quickly and began to think.

‘What was I doing? Seriously? This man? I am the Ghost, for Saint’s sake, I deserve better.’

Feeling shameful, you wanted some fresh air to think clearly. Or maybe you just needed to flee. You rushed toward the door of the Crow Club and opened it.

There was ‘Jake’, his face bloody and bruised, held by the arms of two men taller than him.

What was going on?

That’s when you saw Kaz punching Jake in the face. The man spit blood, and Dirtyhands held his head in his gloved hand.

”If you dare touch her again, you are dead.”

Kaz was going to hit Jake with his cane, but your screaming interrupted him.

”What’s going on?“

Kaz nodded, and his men let Jake go. He didn’t think twice. Without looking at you once, the man flew in as he had arrived.

The men stared at Dirtyhands, waiting for his approval to leave. Kaz gestured, and they left.

”What’s going on? I won’t ask it again.“

“This stupid... man touched you.” He declared calmly, removing the blood from his sleeve.

”Yes, and?”

“He didn’t ask.”

”Because I let him. Do you genuinely think he would have touched me if I hadn’t allowed it? You know what I do and who I am.” You murmured.

Kaz’s blue eyes were avoiding your gaze, looking at the street and holding tightly onto his cane. He frowned.

”Why?“He questioned.

“Why? You dare ask why? You know damn well, Brekker.“

”Enlighten me with what I am supposed to know ‘damn well’.

He clenched his teeth, and you approached him dangerously. You plunged your eyes into his, almost begging him not to let you speak.

”I needed a distraction.”

“A distraction?” He questioned, wonder in his eyes.

“But we succeeded in the mission. We won thousands of kruge, Y/N.”

”I know.”

”Is it not enough for you? What do you need more? What do you need more than what thousands of Kruge can offer you?”

You repressed your tears. You were the Ghost after all, you couldn’t cry even if you wanted to.

“Thousands of Kruge can’t buy me you.” You whispered, hoping he wouldn’t hear.

“Me?”

“Your name is Kaz Brekker, no? Or should I say Dirtyhands?“

A small smile escaped his lips, quickly replaced by sadness. He was staring at his gloved hands. What was he supposed to do? Tell you he felt the same, and offer you what exactly? He couldn’t even touch you.

“I was trying to forget you with this man, to forget the times you looked at me like I was an investment, when I came back from a mission hurt badly and you just said ‘good job’.

“What do I have that you might want?” He asked, his voice almost trembling.

Memories of Jordie flooded his mind. The times when they were happy, or at least tried to because they were together.

You didn’t reply, just watched him, the man you love.

“I can’t offer you anything, Y/N.” Kaz declared, approaching you with the most sincere look you’ve ever seen him with.

”I can’t offer you a crown, a throne, or even a palace. I can’t provide you the most precious jewels in the world. I can’t make you my queen, Y/N.”

”How romantic.” You finally spoke, crossing your arms.

”At least I have the decency not to lie to you.” He replied.

”I think I would have preferred you to lie.” You declared, trying to repress your tears again.

”What did you want me to say? That I would make you a Queen even though we live in Ketterdam, and would cover you with the most expensive jewels when we loot every day to survive? You would have wanted me to tell you that I cannot live without you, although touching you is unbearable to me? You would have liked me to tell you that I love you, right Y/N?

Eyes misted with tears, Y/N dared to meet his gaze. When Kaz saw that Y/N’s eyes were shining, he realized the magnitude of his words. He had always thought that by being cruel, he could push people away, keep them away, to avoid doing harm and, above all, be hurt. Things had gone wrong the last time he had loved someone, so how could he really trust his heart anymore?

Jordie.

His name echoed in his head when he looked at Y/N. He wanted to apologize, hug her, and kiss her lips, but he couldn’t.

He tried to take a step towards her to try to comfort her, but when his hand approached her bare arm, he resigned himself to it. He was shaking. Touching someone seemed impossible so how could he ask Y/N to stay? What could he offer her? A life of hidden gazes, impossible caresses, abstinence... Y/N deserved better. She could have had better. Nikolai Lantsov had always wanted her. All she had to do was say yes, and she would become the first Grisha Queen. Kaz had to admit Y/N would make an exquisite Queen. She was fair, and she only hurt when necessary. Y/N deserved a better life than a life in danger in Ketterdam. And if Pekka Rollins learned that Dirtyhands cared about her, he would seek to get rid of her by any means possible.

Y/N gazed at Kaz one last time before turning to the door. She was about to grab the handle when she felt pressure on her arm. Kaz was touching her.

“Don’t leave, Y/N.” You rolled your eyes.

“Is it a command, Boss? You asked, annoyed.

“It’s not.”

You observed Kaz’s face. For someone who didn’t know him, Kaz was emotionless. But at that moment, you knew he was vulnerable. His features were different. He seemed fragile. The bastard of the barrel seemed weak! You laughed in your head.

“Stay, please.” He begged you, the silence in his head unbearable.

You made a small move to get out of his grip. His hand fell against his body. And suddenly, he grabbed your hand. You stared at your hand in his gloved ones. Seeing your reluctance, he pulled his hand away and took off his gloves. Trying to calm his trembling, he reached for your delicate hand. His fingers brushed your skin, knuckles, and wrist, sending shivers down your whole body. Kaz was trying to memorize your hand, the veins in your wrists, your knuckles, to make it familiar, so that he wouldn’t be scared anymore.

“Can I?” He asked you.

You nodded, astonished to see Kaz Brekker asking for permission. He wasn’t one to ask. He always took and took. Never saying please. Never asking for permission. And here he was. All vulnerable in front of you.

He took your hand in his with hesitation and still trembling. Dirtyhands was trying his best to hide his fear in front of you. He was the bastard of the barrel. Everybody feared him, and yet he could not take your bare hand in his. He felt pathetic. He stared at your intertwined fingers for some time.

“What more can I offer you than what you already have?”

Your attention, your time, your love, your skin (maybe not), everything, you wanted to scream but you couldn’t. He was Kaz Krekker after all.

“I can’t make you happy, Y/N. You should go with Nikolai, he’ll know what to do. I can’t even kiss you, Y/N. I can’t, it’s pure torture. I can’t.”

One tear was slowly running across your cheek.

“I don’t want wealth or power. I don’t care about Saints.”

“Then what do you want?”

“Your love.“ You spitted.

Your hands were still intertwined, and that’s when Kaz noticed that while you were talking, he forgot about your hand in his, and for once, it had not disturbed him. It was brief, but he had felt your skin against his, the feeling of coldness and an almost delicate hand. He was staring at your hands with intensity, not knowing where his began and yours finished. The contact with your skin burned him, it was like caressing fire, feeling the unbearable heat against his fingers, against his palm, and yet he didn’t want to remove his hand from your painful skin.

“Kaz, look at me.”

You knew he was fighting his own demons, and it was not easy to hold your hand, and much less for a few minutes.

“Focus on my voice.”

He complied, and you dared take his hand and bring it to your face.

“I am here for you. Since the beginning, I have been here. Since the first day we looked at each other in this street, I knew everything would be different.”

While talking, you held his index finger in your tiny fingers compared to his. It was reaching dangerously for your cheek.

“Do you remember, Brekker, the first day we met?”

Kaz was trying his best to focus on your eyes, lips, on everything other than his fear to feel. It was finally this fear of hurting that made every touch burn. And you knew, you understood.

“I was pulling a dagger from my bleeding shoulder, sitting alone on the street, when you came. And do you remember what you said to me?”

You finally put his index finger delicately on your cheek. Step by step. You knew it would take time. Months and years, probably. But you were never a quitter after all.

Kaz chuckled, remembering this particular day when he thought that the Ghost everybody was scared of was just a little girl. Today, he knew he was wrong.

“You first said to me “Work for me, Ghost, and you’ll never have to pull out any dagger of your shoulders.”

Dirtyhands grinned, and with his index finger on your cheek, he explored your skin, still burning him. You removed your hand and laughed.

“You know, the day I met you, I knew you wanted me to work for you because I was taking all your contracts.”

He laughed again, and a second finger was caressing your cheek.

“I couldn’t let you take all the money.” Kaz replied, with this smirk you loved.”And you said ‘yes’ if I recall.”

“That I did. Though I did pull out many other daggers from my shoulder.” You spoke softly.

Another laugh, and he put a third finger on your face, stroking and trying to control his trembling. Still, he never dared remove his gaze from you.

“I know. I was planning a meeting with you for weeks, trying to find something to make you work for me. But you had no weakness, no secret that I knew of. I didn’t know what you were looking for.”

The tips of his three fingers were still on your skin, learning every wrinkle you would have, every scar, everything, even if it burned.

“That’s what made me so good, back then I had nothing to look for and nothing to lose.”

“And now?”

“Now, I have a goal, something to fight for, that’s what makes me fearsome.” You muttered and smiled at your words because you meant them.

Kaz smirked. He knew there were two kinds of people to fear: those who had nothing left to lose, and the ones who had everything to lose.

With sudden confidence, Kaz reached with one finger for your lips, trying to touch, and caress them. His trembling finger found your lip, he felt it, his deep blue eyes on yours. You were watching him with pride.

Maybe too greedy, Kaz wanted to feel your face with his hand, he tried to place all his fingers against your skin, but the burning was too powerful. Suddenly, he removed his hand, shivering.

“I-I am sorry.”He said, his armor falling back in place.

He saw Jordie’s face again. And he felt the skin of other corpses on his. It was warm. Too warm. It was burning him up. He was screaming, and nobody came.

“Kaz. Kaz! Look at me.”

He heard your voice calling in this ocean of corpses.

You didn’t touch him, but called his name.

“Kaz. You are with me. You are not there. Not anymore. Breathe. You are safe.”

He finally saw your eyes and where he was. In the middle of the street with you. He got up, dusted off his coat, and stared at you.

“Sorry, Y/N.”

He put back on his gloves and resumed leaning on his cane.

He was not only Kaz Brekker at this moment, but also Dirtyhands, and the bastard of the barrel. You smiled and glanced at his form as it left the room.

“The answer is this.”

The Bastard of the barrel turned to you and looked at your face, eyes full of silent interrogation.

“This is what I want, Kaz Brekker, and this is what you can offer me.”

You swore you could see a smirk escaping his lips. And this was the moment you knew you were not just an investment for Kaz Brekker.

———

If you loved this story, don’t forget to like, reblog and comment! I’d love to write more Kaz x reader with the OC “The Ghost” if there is enough interest, I’ll write more for Kaz!